Child Star

The Dawn

The Dawn

Maiori forsan cum timore sententiam in me fertis quam ego accipiam.

(Perchance you pronounce my sentence with greater fear than I receive it.)

Giordano Bruno

8 February 1600

The door opened with an ear-splitting screech.

Already? It was barely the crack of dawn. Through the tiny window high above my head I could see the stars blending into the brightening skies. The last day of my life had started.

‘You’re too early, fra’ Ricardo.’ I didn’t bother to turn my head. ‘The crowds haven’t gathered yet. It’ll be no fun.’

‘I’m afraid I’m too late, Nolan.’

The voice was familiar. I turned around, squinting against the flame of the torch. Bright light hurt my eyes—I had spent too long a time in dark dungeons.

‘Angelo! What are you doing here?’ I folded my arms and almost winced. The tips of the fingers on my right hand, where the skin had been cut off, were still raw.

‘I came to talk.’ Angelo made a step forward and the door closed behind his back. We were now standing face to face.

I shrugged my shoulders.

‘Have a sit, if you like.’

Angelo glanced at the dirty stone floor. The cell was devoid of any furniture, of course.

‘Very kind of you to offer.’

‘What do you want to talk about?’ I asked rather surly. I would have prefered to be left alone for those last precious minutes, but that was obviously not to be.

‘Your last chance.’

I laughed into his face.

‘Don’t tell me I’ll be pardoned!’

‘Well, you’re still alive. The offer is still valid. So, your fate is in your hands.’

For a while I just studied his plump, clean-shaven cheeks, his sensuous lips curved in an oily smile. The cold look of his small black eyes belied his friendly tone. Anyway, I knew him only too well. We met thirty-seven years ago, when we both just entered San Domenico Maggiore as novitiates. At that time his name was Lorenzo and mine was Filippo. We were two very promising youngsters, eager to join the Dominican Order. Who would think that our paths would be so different?

I looked him in the eye.

‘You say my fate is in my hands? I thought the fate of us all is in the hands of God.’

His eyes flashed for a split second. He always hated it when I mocked him because my mockery was always too subtle for him to retort.

‘Of course it is. But God has mercy upon His creations.’ He crossed himself with the most pious look on his face. Too bad that face was now blotched and puffy from the not-so-pious life. Thirty-seven years ago he looked like an innocent little angel indeed.

‘How amazing it is that His creations show so little mercy to each other then.’ I was warming up to the discussion. Why not have a bit of fun before I die? For the first time in my life I had absolutely nothing to fear. The worst thing that could possibly happen to me was going to happen anyway. Now I could say anything I liked. Oh, Death, thou art a great liberator!

Angelo sighed.

‘It saddens me deeply to see you here on this day. You can’t deny that we’ve been very patient with you. For eight years we’ve been trying to make you see the light of reason.’

I couldn’t help snorting with laughter.

‘Oh yes, your kindness to me has no limits. Usually it doesn’t take you that long to condemn a heretic to death.’

‘We do not make such decisions lightly. And you are not just any heretic. You’re an alt’har. You’re one of us. That’s why we are giving you your last chance.’

I straightened up and squared my shoulders. My body hurt all over, but I wouldn’t have to bear this much longer.

‘No need to be so generous. I have never been one of you. And will never be. You’re a bunch of bastards who think that they are the smartest people on earth, the select few, the chosen ones who have the right to decide the fate of the whole world. Well, guess what, you’re just a bunch of self-righteous assholes!’ I spat it out with glee. There was no need to pretend anymore and finally I was speaking my mind!

Angelo gave me a long look.

‘We may not be as infallible as we’d like to think, but we are doing our best. We’re bringing the light of wisdom to the savages. Without us they’d still have been dressing in hides and killing each other with clubs. They are little better than animals, and sometimes they are worse than animals. We are the shepherds and we do what we can to protect and guide our flock. Even if it takes culling out some black sheep.’

Black sheep… They don’t even realise that it is them who are the black sheep of the humankind. Or rather, they are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Their oily smiles reveal the bloody fangs. They kill, torture and cheat. They talk about God while serving the Devil…

I was suddenly crushed by an overwhelming weariness. Try as I might, they just didn’t get it. I had been saying it over and over again, but nobody would listen…

Well, this was my very last chance indeed—the chance to speak out.

‘There are no “us” and “them”. Alt’hars or dek’hars, Jews or goyim, Christians or Muhammadans, Negroes or Whites or whatever—none of these matters. People are different, but everyone’s blood is red. We are all one, this whole Universe is one whole. Whatever you do unto others, you do unto yourself. Is this so hard to understand? Your thirst for power, your greed for money are foolish…’

‘What’s foolish is your obstinacy!’ Angelo suddenly exploded. ‘It’s one thing to be a naïve idealist at fifteen and quite another to hold onto your delusions at fifty! It’s one thing to be a harmless dreamer and quite another to stir up trouble and lead innocent souls astray! People are different and everyone has his own place! Some are to make orders and some are to take orders. This is the way things have been and this is the way things will always be! And if you’re unable to see this fundamental truth, then you’re really not as smart as people say you are.’

I watched him with mild curiosity. Angelo always tried to compete with me in intellectual pursuits—and always failed. I might not be as smart as people said, but I was yet to see the match of me. I had travelled the world, from Italy to England, and nobody ever could beat me in debates. Which made many venerable professors very mad with me.

I suppose, I had made a lot more enemies than friends.

I smiled a wry smile.

‘Angelo, this talk is useless. You’ve made your choice and I’ve made mine. I do prefer courageous death to pallid life. Would you mind leaving now? I really don’t have any time to waste on useless conversations.’

‘So, the answer is no?’ he asked.

‘Did you really expect anything else?’

He shrugged his shoulders.

‘Some people are very brave until they see the face of death. Then they suddenly realise how much valuable their life is. And change their mind.’

‘There are things more dear to me than my life.’

Angelo shook his head.

‘Obstinacy must run in your blood.’

‘I have no reason to be ashamed of my ancestors.’ That was definitely the coup de grâce.

Flustered, Angelo turned on his heel and marched out without saying another word. Well, finally I had peace and quiet. Probably, not for long though.

I leaned against the cold wall and closed my eyes.

The world outside my tiny cell was coming to life. Inside the thick walls of Torre dell’Annona I could hear the heavy steps of the guards, doors squeaking and screeching, people talking, screaming, laughing, shouting orders. Fainter sounds were coming from the courtyard: hoofs clattering on the stones, horses neighing, people running around. Fainter still, there was the murmur of the great city of Rome: Romans going about their business, narrow streets bustling with crowds, spectators gathering at Campo de’Fiori…

With every beat of my heart my life was getting shorter. And the dreaded moment was coming closer.

A black cloud of despair suddenly engulfed me.

I could have said yes to Angelo and I would not be going through this… Maybe even now it’s not too late…

This voice, this small cowardly voice, was whispering into my ear again. My heart burst into a wild gallop and I broke out in a cold sweat.

What am I doing this for?

What’s the point of standing my ground, refusing to recant, to bend, to lie?

I’m about to die a slow and very painful death—for what?

For a few moments there was a deafening silence inside me, black and menacing like a storm cloud, and then I heard a clear voice to give the answer: For the sake of all those who will come afterwards.

And the voice continued, ringing loudly in my ears, making my whole body tremble like a plucked string:

Burning

Shining

Keeping darkness at bay

Showing others the way

Giving them courage to be

who they are.

This voice was calm and strong, like a cliff in the middle of the storm. It came from the deepest part of my soul, from the roots that were connected to all the other souls, to all the people, beasts, plants and even stones. For we are like mushrooms: seemingly separate, but in fact growing from the same roots.

How can I die if I am in everything and everything is in me?

Nothing dies, everything is just changing shape, forever metamorphosing, transforming and transmuting.

This body will die anyway, if not today, then some other day. The time will come for me to move on, to become something or someone else. So, this death is nothing.

But if I bend my knee, if I betray my beliefs, this will be the real death of me.

Never ever betray your self. Always stand by what you believe in.

And I believe that this Universe is infinite, with lots of suns just like our Sun, with lots of earths just like our Earth. We’re not at the centre of the Universe for the Universe has no centre. Everything in the world is interconnected, everything is a part of everything else. And whatever we do unto others, we do unto ourselves. Whatever we wish for, we’re granted. Whatever we believe in, becomes the reality. Ignorant people call this Magic or Withcraft, but this is simply the way things work when everything is intertwined.

This is such a simple and beautiful truth—how come nobody wants to see it? How come our world is based on greed, drowned in blood and brimming with sorrow? Why a few have too much while most have to go without? Why do we kill each other instead of caring for each other? What is wrong with this world? And how can we put the wrong right?

They say I wish to turn the world upside down. But what’s wrong with turning the upturned world the right side up? What’s wrong with wanting to make people happy, free from fear and oppression?

I wish I could give people wings so that they could follow me into the infinite. For what others see from afar, I leave far behind me. My body is locked in this tiny cell, but my spirit wanders in the most remote realms. I can clearly see the myriads of stars and each one is a Sun giving its light to other earths. There are other beings living in those worlds. Maybe they look like us or maybe they are very different. But I am sure there are worlds where people are free to think, free to explore. Perhaps they’ve even learned to move between the stars. And perhaps one day we will learn that, too.

Maybe we could have learned that already, had we not been bound by greed and ignorance. We have wasted thousands of years! The wisdom of the Ancients was forgotten, their achievements were lost. People like Angelo talk about civilising savages and don’t realise that they have turned into savages themselves. They think that their blood makes them superior to ordinary people, gives them the right to rule all others. In its brutal struggle for power the Church became the instrument of oppression. Every Holy Father talks about virtue while indulging in most hideous sins. And the clerics follow suit. They are so afraid to lose their grip on the minds, souls and, most importantly, the purses of their flock, that they will stop at nothing. They lie, tortue and kill—all in the name of God. But what kind of God is He who demands that people be burnt at the stake just for speaking their mind? If the Church is so convinced that it knows the ultimate truth, why not let the sceptics talk out loud? Why gag them and kill them to terrify the others?

Because Truth is the most powerful weapon: it frees the minds and a free mind will never bow to the authority of tyrants.

I know in my heart that one day people will break the chains of religion, will leave behind their greed and fear. Proud and strong, they will stand up from their knees and reach for the stars.

If my death can do anything to make this time come even a little bit sooner, then I have no regrets…

There were heavy steps and a screeching of the opening door.

They have come for me…

I stood up, forcing my aching body to stand tall and proud.

Fra’ Ricardo walked in, followed by two guards.

‘Take him,’ he said to the guards. ‘And make sure he can’t wag his tongue.’

So, even now they are afraid of me. They always wanted to shut me up because truth is the most dangerous weapon indeed.

I wanted to smile, but the guards forced me down on my knees and one of them grabbed me by the jaw. I didn’t resist.

The harder they try to shut me up, the louder my voice will ring.

A searing pain shot through my whole body as my tongue was pierced by a red-hot metal stick. I looked up, blinking the involuntary tears away.

The rising sun was shining through the tiny barred window.

Dawn always comes whether we like it or not. Not even His Holiness himself can stop the Earth in its orbit. They may think that they have won this battle, but the day will come when the new era will dawn. The humankind will break the chains of fear and ignorance and reach for the stars.

And this is what I have given my life for.

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This story is a part of The AD World series. Other stories from the series are:

Everyone’s Blood is Red.

If you enjoyed this story, you might also enjoy other stories from Star Child — more is to come soon. Check for new stories http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/sc

(Photo on the cover by Marie-Lan Nguyen/Wikimedia Commons)

Content

Child Star The Dawn