Time Trippers

The Nights of the Round Table

by Michael Alan Mayer

Illustrated by Rachelle Meyer

For my wife, whose ideas and encouragement took this from my imagination to reality, to my wonderful grandchildren, Jonathan and Lauren, and to my Mom, Marian Mayer 1916-2011 who always encouraged me to write.

I sat with Harry Houdini’s ‘magic wand’ in my hand and my two grandchildren at my side in front of Independence Hall in Philadelphia. We were about to embark on the most amazing journey ever. The outcome of the Second World War and the undying fame of one of the greatest baseball players of all time were briefly in our hands, but we didn’t know it yet…

“Where are we?” Jonathan asked sleepily.

“The question is not where,” I answered as I got my bearings, “but when?!”

PROLOGUE

Fragments of the Diary of Hans Georg Prohmann, one of Houdini’s workshop assistants translated into English. I discovered these curious entries after our trip. Coincidence?

The Workshop, 278 West 113th Street NY, NY Aug. 7, 1926:

Wondrous event! Houdini has apparently conquered Time itself!

He had been working on actual dematerialization to escape from the bronze coffin he used in the underwater challenge recently. I myself, his most trusted assistant, witnessed this escape!

He entered the coffin at 11:56 am. As usual he began to practice self-hypnosis, waving his new magic wand slowly. As I started closing the lid at 11:58 exactly, his voice came from behind me: “Hans, do not look behind you – continue please.” Astonished and fearful, I continued closing the lid as he lay inside in a trance and finished locking the coffin as the noon bells began to chime. He knocked on the coffin lid from inside as planned at noon.

“You may turn around now.” There he was standing behind me, no doubt watching himself as he lay in the coffin! He had traveled 2 minutes into the past!

“You see Hans, that I have instantly transported myself in space and time – and in two places at once!”

I asked what was the trick – had he hypnotized me somehow? He said that he didn’t thoroughly understand it himself, but it was no trick. At last he had found a way to dematerialize completely, and, as a result, travel in time, however briefly! He was overjoyed!

Showing me the wand, he told me that it contained a piece of an ancient African amulet given to him by an old black man a few years back who claimed it had magic powers. He also said it was a combination of self-hypnosis, and using the wand to focus one’s thoughts. He said he would study this marvelous effect secretly, so that he would understand what had happened. As usual I was sworn to secrecy.

He told me that the surface has only been scratched in realizing the human mind’s capabilities. He said that he believes the mind contains almost limitless power - to move objects, to travel in space and time, shape and communicate with other’s thoughts, but that we are distracted by daily concerns, desires, lack of concentration. He said that we may be using only 10 percent of the mind’s power.

All his life he said that he had been a mere trickster, unmatched by any other magician but only in performing tricks. He has spent the last decade or so seeking to find real magic, if it exists. He is obsessed with the truth. He believes that at last he has found it!

If time travel is possible, my mind wanders to all the things that could be accomplished. I know he wants to travel backwards and visit his mother somehow. Imagine if I could travel also? Would it not be possible to undo events of the past that led to my dear Fatherland’s humiliation in the Great War? Could I, a mere soldier at that time, influence His Majesty, Kaiser Wilhelm in some way?

German civilization is superior to all others, it was our destiny to lead the world in technology, science, medicine, the arts, was it not? There must be a way to accomplish this!

The Workshop, 278 West 113th Street NY, NY Oct 31, 1926:

Dreadful news! Telegram. The great man is dead this morning at Grace Hospital in Detroit! We are in shock that the great Houdini succumbed to peritonitis infection resulting from a ruptured appendix. Few men were more physically fit! This is sad news indeed!

The Workshop, 278 West 113th Street NY, NY Nov 20, 1926:

Houdini’s brother, Dash, (Hardeen) has of course inherited all Houdini’s magic apparatus including the secret time travel wand, of which he knows nothing. I am the only one living who knows about it. Houdini had hidden it and I have been unable to find it searching high and low. I explained to Dash that the great man promised me a particular wand without revealing its significance. He said he would see what he could do but it is almost impossible to tell one from another and it remains lost. Houdini’s will stipulates that all his apparatus be destroyed upon Dash’s death. I must find that wand before it is too late!

302 E 96th St. NY, NY Dec 29, 1926:

Now I have been laid off from the Workshop! Even though Dash continues to carry on the Houdini tradition as Hardeen, they are closing the Workshop and will move soon! Dash and Bess, Houdini’s blessed wife, have found me work as a machinist in New Jersey for which I am grateful. I secured an apartment on 96th St. to remain in the area as well as live within the German community.

302 E 96th St. NY, NY Feb 12, 1927:

I learned to my horror that much of Houdini’s apparatus and props, including many of his wands has been sold privately, without my knowledge! Since Dash has no idea of the wand’s significance it could be in some collector’s hands now. I will never rest until the wand is found.

302 E 96th St. NY, NY Oct 2, 1927:

The Wand has apparently been found! At long last I found a man who claimed to have a wand from Houdini, but he was reluctant to show it to me. It was not for sale. It probably is the one.

(water damage has obscured a paragraph) ―since he has business in New York he must return and I will endeavor to meet him once again. I must have that wand!

The wand in the wrong hands is a weapon of incalculable power and only I believe I possess the ability to use it wisely. It may be possible to alter history saving millions of lives by perhaps preventing the Great War and if not, undo the wrongs done to the Fatherland!

“You may turn around now.”

From an editorial in ‘Judge’ magazine from April 9, 1927:

“If in the imagination we place ourselves at the year 2000, and ask what was the outstanding feature of human events in the first quarter of the 20th century we shall see that it was not the World War (World War I) nor the Russian Revolution, but the change in the status of women. History has seldom known so startling a transformation in so short a time. Now they smoke and swear and drink and think.”

- Dr. Will Durant

To the reader: Your enjoyment of your trip through time in this book will be enhanced if you buy or download original music of the 1920’s. It’s inexpensive and easily available online at such places as iTunes or Amazon, for example.

THE PORTAL

I had ‘The Kids’ to look after for a week while their mother and their grandmother (my wife) were on vacation in Florida. Jonathan and Lauren are the apples of my eye. I was their ‘Lito’ short for Abuelito, meaning grandfather in Spanish. Since they already had two other grandfathers and grandmothers it could get confusing. This was my wife’s suggestion since she’s from Latin America. She was Lita, short for Abuelita.

Jonathan was 11. Slender yet athletic, he was a voracious reader of fantasy novels and very imaginative. An avid video gamer, he hated homework and had a real aptitude for mischief. Lauren was 9 and slim, with large, soulful eyes. Quiet and straightforward, she loved dogs, exuded an air of innocence yet had a real sense of fun.

Anyway, that morning I got dressed and told them that we were going to go to a baseball game, and we’d be away for a couple of days. “A baseball game, Lito?” Jonathan asked.

“Yep!” I said.

“You look funny, Lito,” Jonathan said.

“Well, we have to dress up a bit for this trip,” I said with a smile and held up some outfits for them to wear.

“These clothes look kinda weird,” said Jonathan.

Lauren smiled, happy to play dress up.

I was wearing a snappy grey suit with a vest, tie and matching old-fashioned hat: a Fedora, like Indiana Jones’s hat, which is what the gangsters and reporters liked to wear. It went well with my rather distinguished 50-something graying hair, pencil-thin mustache and chiseled features. Jonathan struggled into his ‘Knickerbockers’ or ‘plus-four’ short pants that were tight below the knees and long argyle socks with a matching suit and tie, not at all happy about it. Lauren was cute in her rather pretty dress, with a white collar and shiny girl’s shoes.

“You look just great!” I said, “The bee’s knees!” They both looked at me funny.

Jonathan was puzzled, “What, Lito?”

Lauren laughed and repeated, “The bee’s knees!” She started to giggle.

“The bee’s knees, the ant’s ankles, the cat’s pajamas! Where we’re going, you have to understand the lingo, you see?” They didn’t but there wasn’t much time to explain.

“Everything’s going to be Jake,” I told them. “You are about to have the greatest adventure anybody has ever had, and probably the most fun.”

“Just a baseball game?” Jonathan said.

“Not just a baseball game,” I said with a big smile. “A Yankees game and we’ll see probably the most famous baseball player of all time!”

“Where are we going?” Lauren said.

“Well, first we fly to Philadelphia, then, well, it’s a surprise!” I said with an air of mystery. “It’s magic!”

I had bought some old-fashioned suitcases for each of us and some ID papers we would need. We changed into regular clothes for the flight and packed our ‘costumes’ and more older-style clothing and left for the airport.

The TSA people inspected us carefully, examining the old clothes in our bags.

“Going to some kind of costume party?” one of the agents asked.

“Something like that,” I said smiling.

We arrived midday and took a taxi to the Marriot by Reading Terminal, the old station and giant arched train shed converted into a convention center where I had booked a room for the night. After settling in our room, we took a walk to Independence Hall. The kids were already impressed with Philly’s heavy industry and old buildings, especially the area and park around Independence Hall.

We caught one of the last tours; saw the Liberty Bell, the kids in quiet awe as I explained a few things about the bell.

“Smaller than you thought, hey?”

They both nodded. The National Park ranger took us on the tour of the Hall with a small group, how it was the Pennsylvania State House at the time of the Revolution, and how much it looked like it did then, even though very little of the furniture was original. Still, it was very impressive with papers scattered about and feather pens poised in their pots, as if Continental Congress had just left for the evening, ready to return the next day.

I told them that everything we see here, the surroundings and the park outside existed more or less like it did now, the same as it did in 1776, even earlier, and except for minor details, we could be standing here IN 1776. Their eyes widened.

“The only thing that tells you it isn’t 1776 or 1812 or 1863 or 1927 is that we know it isn’t and we have thousands of things that link us to the present, our memories of daily life, my cell phone, your I-Pods, everything.”

Jonathan’s eyes narrowed and Lauren smiled with excitement. “Are you saying we could be time traveling, Lito?” Jonathan said with a smile. With a steady diet of Sci-Fi and Fantasy novels, he was quick on the draw, I’ll say that.

“Yep, that’s EXACTLY what I’m saying.”

Lauren was thrilled but said in her always quiet, matter of fact way: “How do we do it, Lito?”

“It’s kinda hard to explain, but you learned in school about Albert Einstein, right?”

They nodded.

“According to him, time is relative, the faster you go, the slower time gets for you the traveler, and so on?” They looked at me strangely. “According to the theory, if we could travel faster than the speed of light we could actually reach the past, which is impossible, right?”

They looked somewhat puzzled.

“In short, it would take a bit of magic to make that happen, and, well, I happen to have stumbled on it,” I said with a grin.

They looked both impressed and puzzled.

Jonathan flashed one of his amazing grins, “You don’t do magic, Lito.”

“Right, I don’t, but I collect an amazing amount of stuff on Ebay, right?”

They nodded.

I opened the small box I had brought and produced the white-tipped collapsible wand. “This wand is supposed to have belonged to Harry Houdini, the most famous magician of all time. I found a secret compartment with papers in a language that it turned out was Yiddish in Japanese Katakana letters spelled backwards – a kind of secret code.”

They stared with wide eyes.

“What’s that, Yid—dish?” Lauren asked.

“It’s really a very old-style German that Jewish people spoke widely in Europe. Houdini’s real name was Erich Weiss. He was an amazing fellow, exceptionally smart, an expert on locks. His stage shows were fabulous. He once made an elephant disappear on stage! He could escape from anything: jails, straightjackets, even locked boxes dropped to the bottom of rivers, an almost supernatural ability.

“Houdini had been working on his latest trick, trying to actually dematerialize – really disappear, for even more amazing escapes. He had discovered the secret of time travel by accident, or so his secret paper says,” I told them. “He had hidden the box, and died on tour in Detroit on Halloween, 1926 before he could tell anyone what he had discovered. Somebody found it years later, apparently with no idea of its significance and eventually sold it, auctioning it off on Ebay along with other Houdini items. I bought it against a very persistent bidder – amazing how close I came to not winning it.”

“Well, it turns out that the magic wand really works! No magic words are needed but you have to focus on where you want to go, or, rather, when.”

They stared at me, looking excited.

“Like Harry Potter?” Jonathan asked.

“Well, not exactly,” I said. “You have to hypnotize yourself and make yourself really believe that you ARE in the time you wish to travel to, making yourself forget everything that links you to the present. But most important, you need to find a time portal, someplace that exists in both time periods, unchanged - like Independence Hall,” I said smiling.

“Really?!” Jonathan said.

“Really Lito?” Lauren echoed.

“Really!” I said.

“Are we going to go back in time?” Jonathan asked.

“Yes we are!” I said. “I’ve already done it and it’s safe. I went back to 1950 in Minneapolis for a day staying out of everybody’s way among the old book stacks, using the basement of a University Library.”

“It’s VERY important not to interfere with past events because that could change the present. I went back to before I was born, just in case. How can you be in two places at once? Houdini did it, but I don’t want to take any chances.” I said smiling. “The interesting thing is that a day in the past takes only a few minutes in the present, I don’t understand why. So a week in the past shouldn’t take more than half a day,” I said with a big grin.

They laughed.

“Sorry, folks, we are closing for the night,” the park ranger announced. We left the building and walked up Market Street. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll get our suitcases tonight and go back to the park in front of Independence Hall, find a spot by one of its walls on the south side of the building where I’ll hypnotize us and send us back.”

“Where…when are we going to?” Jonathan asked with a slight laugh and big wide grin.

“You’ll see,” I said. “We are going to try to visit the time when modern America, the America you know, was born…and see a baseball game, of course. It is kind of a long shot trying to go that far back, but I think we can make it. It is also a very safe time as far as history is concerned. I can’t think of any events we could interfere with that could affect it. It’s considered a kind of Golden Age and lots of fun.”

“The Sixties?” Jonathan asked. “Hippies?”

“No I’m not telling. You’ll just have to wait and see.” I said smiling.

That night, we changed back into our ‘costumes’ and checked out of our room, the concerned clerk sorry that we couldn’t stay. It was after 9 pm as we took a taxi to Independence Hall park.

“We’re going to a costume party nearby,” I told the taxi driver who winked at the kids and wished us a good time as he drove away.

We walked under the lights and trees clutching our small suitcases in the darkened park and went to a shady area by the wall.

“I’m afraid,” Lauren said.

“We’re safe,” I said “The park is small and well-lit, besides we won’t be here long. OK, Let’s sit together in a circle, hold hands, keep your suitcases in your laps.”

I took out the magic wand and I told them to count backwards from 100 as I waved the wand back and forth in front of our faces like a windshield wiper.

They began to count backwards: “100, 99, 98, 97, 96…” and started to fall asleep. They didn’t have to imagine the time; they could just ‘hitch a ride’ with me. Since we were holding hands, it was just enough to fall asleep. I began to imagine that it was Sunday night, September 25, 1927.

I knew so much about the Roaring Twenties – the music, the cars, the look, the people – that I easily pictured being there in my mind as I continued to wave the wand back and forth feeling its vibration as the magic began to work, practicing self-hypnosis, letting it happen again as it did once before. I knew it would happen again.

Totally relaxed, hoping the patrolling policeman walking his beat wouldn’t see us, I continued to wave the wand until I began to get sleepy, carefully folding the wand back into my jacket. I fell asleep for an instant.

I woke up and oddly enough, it was getting light. The kids were sound asleep, leaning on my shoulders on either side of me. They began to wake up and it was suddenly daylight. The kids rubbed their eyes and yawned, and we all felt a little disoriented.

“Where are we?” Jonathan asked sleepily.

“The question is not where,” I answered as I got my bearings, “but when?”

A policeman came towards us. “Up kinda early, aren’t you?” he said not unfriendly. “You OK, mister?”

Thinking quickly, I started to wake up the kids.

“We’re just passing through, got in late last night and wanted to show them a bit of Philadelphia before we have to catch our train,” I said with a confidence I didn’t feel. “They got kinda tired and wanted to sit down…you know how it is.”

“Well, it’s only 6:30 in the morning,” he chuckled. “Kinda early to drag your kiddies out of bed…what time is your train, buddy?”

“Catching the 8 o’clock Clocker for New York,” I said.

“What hotel were you staying at?” he asked.

“The Marr…” I suddenly understood, the policeman looked different, the park looked different. “The Bellevue-Stratford, of course,” I said with mounting confidence as the kids woke up.

“OK,” he said, “just remember, you’re not supposed to be sitting on the ground – looks like you might have been sleeping in the park, so, enjoy your trip and good morning to you.”

“Good morning to you, officer,” I said very cool. “Come along, kids,” I said loud enough for him to hear, as they started to get up, stretching and rubbing their eyes.

“What time is it Lito?” Jonathan said yawning.

I quickly set my new pocket watch to 6:30, glancing at the clock on Independence Hall. “It’s about six thirty, and if my calculations are correct, about six-thirty in the morning, Monday, September 26, 1927.”

“Really, Lito? Let’s see!” they said excitedly.

“Come on then, let’s get some breakfast,” I said. We strolled out of the park onto Market Street, the kids now fully awake.

“Lito…I thought everything in the old days was in black and white like the old movies…it’s in COLOR!” Lauren said quietly pleased. I could only smile.

There was nobody on the street. A horse clip-clopped along the cobble stoned street drawing a milk wagon. A taxi careened around the corner headed for Reading Terminal home of the Reading Railroad of Monopoly fame (“Take a ride on the Reading…”) and an active railroad terminal once again. To my delight the Hard Rock Café’s horrid big guitar sign was missing, and no Hard Rock Café, either, of course.

“Hey! Look at the funny cars!” Jonathan said. Most of the automobiles were black, square and tall and frail-looking. The kids looked around in amazement at those strange-looking cars parked along the street, their separate headlights like bug’s eyes, as Jonathan remarked.

It was certainly sometime in the late 1920’s. I could tell by the automobiles on the street, besides some old ‘Flivers’ the irreverent nickname for the spindly but tough old Ford Model ‘T,’ there was a 1925 Marmon, a 1926 Packard, and an unmistakable Ford Model A, which came out in 1927. An electric streetcar went clang, clang, clanging up the street. We had really done it! The Jazz Age, the Roaring Twenties, that time of peace, prosperity and optimism was here, ready for exploration. I was as happy as a child at Christmas.

I congratulated myself in stocking up on old money - we’d need it. No credit cards here. It smelled different too. The kids noticed it as well. The pungent aroma of coal smoke faintly wafted on the air and the strong smell of horse manure mingled with automobile fumes.

We walked around the massive, tall city hall with the statue of William Penn surveying his city of brotherly love. It looked dirtier but otherwise the same impressive building I remembered.

THE CLOCKER

What I was really looking forward to was around the corner. We turned the corner on that quiet morning and stood facing the incredibly ornate, ugly, grimy, crazy, tall Gothic 19th century stone pile that was, I mean is, Broad Street Station. It looked for all the world like a cathedral, with its two mismatched towers. Torn down as an ‘eyesore’ in the 1950’s, in the frantic efforts to modernize cities, it was like a dream to see it here, untouched.

“Is that a church?” Jonathan asked.

“It’s a church!” Lauren said.

“Nope, it LOOKS like a cathedral, doesn’t it? No, just a train station. We’re going to New York City on the Pennsylvania Railroad, just like in Monopoly, remember? Come on – we can get breakfast and wash up inside.”

We walked up the ornate central stairs, the marble steps worn down from so many feet over the years and found the washrooms. We washed up and brushed our teeth. I shaved with my orange plastic Bic shaver, getting a puzzled look from another man scraping his lathered face with a big straight razor.

The only modern things I brought were my indispensable plastic disposable razor, my credit cards (for our return) and my plastic eyeglasses. I didn’t have time to lay in a pair of big old round black plastic frames more in keeping with the times.

We passed by the newsstand and the newspaper’s date said that it was Saturday, September 24, 1927. Not bad, I thought to myself. We missed the target date by only a few days. Could it be that the farther back you go traveling in time, the less accurate it gets? Still, a staggering achievement!

Tired and hungry, we went into the classic Union News restaurant. We sat at the marble and brass lunch counter. The kids were still sleepy, not really grasping where they were. I ordered pancakes with lots of bacon and chocolate milk for the kids.

“I’m hungry!” Lauren said a little cranky.

The rather pretty waitress with fashionable bobbed hair, headband, lace cap and black dress with white apron smiled and said what cute kids I had. She looked at Lauren. “Are you a princess or something?”

“No,” Lauren said, smiling shyly. Jonathan flashed his big wide grin at the waitress. She pinched his dimpled cheek. “He’s gonna be a real Sheik when he grows up,” she said.

“What’s a Sheik, Lito?”

“I’ll explain later, just slang for a cool guy,” I told him.

He nodded. “Cool!”

“Want any scrapple with your eggs, sir?” the waitress asked. Knowing what it was, I still passed on that traditional Pennsylvania ‘Dutch’ spicy sausage dish. Two steaming platters of hot pancakes and crisp bacon were placed in front of us and a pot of wonderful coffee for me as well as two eggs, sunny side up.

For once the kids tucked in hungrily, splitting a plate of pancakes, munching the bacon. Real maple syrup and very creamy butter melted on the thick, rich pancakes, which were delicious. They loved the very creamy milk and thick cocoa. I smiled, knowing that the milk would be extra tasty because they hadn’t heard of homogenization, so the milk would have all its cream.

Soon more people began entering the restaurant dressed for work, men in elegant suits, all wearing hats, mostly the big fedoras, some in derbies, some in straw ‘skimmers’ like Harold Lloyd. There were quite a few women as well, in stylish tweed skirts and jackets, the cute, helmet-like ‘cloche’ hats framing pretty faces, almost covering the eyes and short hair, and very shiny, mostly white, silk stockings and high heels clopping along the tiled floor. I was a bit puzzled - it being early Saturday, hardly 7 o’clock. I had forgotten that most people worked a half day on Saturdays, so this would be like a weekday morning.

With breakfast done, the kid’s plates mostly clean and having drunk ALL their milk for once, I got the check. Less than a dollar! For the first time I took out the big, folding dollar bills. Jonathan looked at the oversized money.

“Lito, is that REAL money?”

“You bet it is. See the bills with the orange ink? You can exchange that at a bank and get real gold for it,” I said with a smile as I peeled off two dollars and gave them to the waitress, asking if she could give me change for a dollar. She plunked down the change in the real silver quarters and nickels. I left fifty cents to the waitress. She flashed me a smile worthy of the movies and scooped up the money.

“Real gold, like Harry Potter’s bank?” Lauren chimed in.

“Yeah, something like that.”

We took our suitcases, went downstairs again to the ticket windows and found the Pullman window.

“What have you got for parlor seats to New York?” I asked. The agent, brisk, said he could get three seats on the 9:00 am ‘Clocker.’

“No room on the 8 o’clock. - Penn Station?” he asked.

“Yep!”

“That’ll be $5.50, one adult and two half-fares for the kiddies – Track 15.”

“What does Clocker mean, Lito?” Jonathan asked.

“It’s the nickname for the Pennsylvania’s hourly service between Philadelphia and New York, every hour on the hour so you don’t have to check schedules. Easy to remember and gives them a competitive edge with their archrival the Reading, just around the corner.”

We wandered back upstairs to the black iron gates, crowds of commuters swarming out of the gates on the left which the owl-eyed electric commuter trains used, announcers trying to make themselves heard with big megaphones. I caught one announcement “…..last call 8:15 Paoli Local for Overbrook, Merion, Narbeth, Wynnwood, Ardmore, Haverford, Bryn Mawr…..” the storied Paoli Local serving the wealthy, very old money ‘Main Line’ communities.

“Old Maids never wed and have babies…” I said to myself.

“What Lito?!” Lauren said.

“Oh, sorry, that’s the way Philadelphians remember the stops on the Paoli Local – the first letter stands for each station…Old Maids equals Overbrook, Merion…get it?”

Lauren looked at me puzzled.

“It’s a local thing.”

A big steam engine was breathing and snorting like a dragon facing the station at Track 12, Lauren pointing and grinning.

“Yes,” I said, “big, isn’t she?”

“Like a dragon!” Lauren said.

After some time, we lined up at Track 15’s gate, the few stops listed on the board. Soon the gateman opened the gate and we walked up the brick platform to the front of the dark red train where the First Class ‘Parlor’ Car would be.

“Right behind the ‘Smoker or Club Car,” I told them.

“Smoker?” Lauren asked.

“It’s a car where people can relax, smoke, play cards, and is usually right behind the engine.”

“This train’s kinda dirty.” Jonathan said as we walked along the dusty, heavy steel cars.

“Well, these are pretty hard-working coaches, and most of the engines are steam and they burn coal, so it gets dirty,” I told him, knowing the Pennsylvania was not noted for its cleanliness.

To my relief, the Parlor Car was clean and we mounted the steps as the proud Afro-American Pullman Porter helped us up the steps and took our suitcases. He glanced at our tickets and wished us a good morning.

“Will you be havin’ breakfast with us sir?” he asked. The car had a small kitchen that would serve light breakfasts to order.

“No thanks, already ate.”

“What’s Pull-man Lito?” Lauren asked.

“It’s like the biggest hotel you ever saw, but on wheels, a company that builds and operates thousands of sleeping cars, train cars with beds and seats, as well as cars like this, all first class, all over the country. You can go most anywhere by a Pullman car,” I explained.

We found our seats in the wood-paneled car, big overstuffed easy chairs that swiveled. The kids jumped into the chairs and started to laugh and spin the chairs around.

“Look at me!!” Jonathan yelled.

“Hey, stop that!” I grabbed each one and stopped the spinning. Jonathan started to sulk. “You want to get us kicked out of here? You have to behave, OK?”

“O-Kay, Lee-toh.” Jonathan said frowning.

Soon a couple of well-dressed men with brief cases got onboard, took their seats and opened their newspapers, ignoring us. Shortly after, a very pretty young lady got on, taking the seat next to me as she checked her seat reservation. She was dressed in the height of fashion: short hair cut in the pageboy style with bangs, lots of eye makeup and bright red lipstick, wearing a classic ‘Little Black Dress’ with shiny white silk stockings rolled below her knees that were barely covered by her skirt. The other passengers kept discreetly looking at her. It was a bit warm in the car and I explained to Jonathan that there was no air conditioning, not even in hotels - only a few movie theaters were ‘refrigerated,’ as they said in those days.

THE SPEED QUEEN

I wanted to see the engine, and asked Lauren if she would like to see it too?

She smiled, and since it was still early, we left Jonathan and strolled up to the engine, just one car ahead.

Our engine turned out to be one of the older, smaller types, a class E-6 ‘Atlantic’(which wouldn’t mean anything to the kids), one of the Speed Queens - short and stocky, like a bulldog. With only two tall driving wheels on each side, she was already outdated compared to the larger, more famous greyhound-like K-4s. Then I saw the number – 460.

“Hey, this is the 460!” I told Lauren, “ The engine that beat the airplane in a race to New York with the films of Lindbergh’s return to Washington after his trans-Atlantic flight. It was the first-ever non-stop flight across the ocean in 1927. You saw his airplane, the Spirit of St. Louis in the Air and Space Museum in Washington last year, remember?”

Lauren nodded. “Faster than an airplane?”

“Yep,” I said. “And in our time she is preserved at the Railroad Museum of Pennsylvania near Patty and Gene’s house in Lancaster.”

Steam engines and electric commuter trains were coming and going, the great parade. I remembered the line from native Philadelphian Christopher Morley’s poem about Broad Street: “Such bells, and hells of coming and going…” How true it was.

From the collection of H. Gerald MacDonald

The tall, bulky engine was hissing, the ‘pop valves’ (emergency steam release valves) were ‘singing’ like a pressure cooker indicating a good head of steam, the air pumps thumping like a heartbeat, the fire roaring as the slim, very tall fireman tossed in a shovelful of coal into the big, square-shaped firebox, so typical of the Pennsylvania.

The old, plump, white-haired engineer was chewing a corn-cob pipe, looking amused as I pointed out things to Lauren. He shouted down at us through the noise.

“She’s small and old but she sure can fly!” Knowing it was true, I pretended to doubt him.

“She doesn’t look like much to me!” I shouted through cupped hands.

He looked offended, then said, “Y’ don’t think so? Come and see us when we get to North Philly, I’ll show you what she can do!”

“A ride in the cab?” I shouted back. “I got my two grandkids with me….”

“Bring ’em along!” he shouted back.

“Sure thing!” I said grinning. We walked back to our car, Lauren excited about riding the engine.

Two blasts on the whistle signaled our departure and we chugged slowly out of Broad Street, stopping at the old West Philadelphia station’s maze of tracks passing over and under us, then sprinted past the Philadelphia Zoo and the wooded, rocky Schuylkill River. The Conductor collected and punched our tickets. We arrived at North Philadelphia, where we got out on the station platform and walked up to the engine. The engineer invited us up, and with some difficulty we climbed in.

He motioned for the kids to sit down, one on each side of the big cab, Jonathan behind him and Lauren on the left side, and he said if I didn’t mind standing, to hold onto the tender. ‘Slim’ the fireman opened the firebox door and tossed another shovel of coal carefully onto the glowing fire.

“She’ll run like a scared rabbit now, full pressure at two-oh-five; fire’s perfect!” he said proudly, “if Old Mac don’t open her up too quick and blow it out the stack that is,” teasing the engineer, who glared at him.

Glancing at his watch, Old Mac the engineer said that we were being held for something, should have left already, the signal still at stop. After a few minutes the long train next to us on the platform pulled out in a hurry.

“Ha!” Old Mac said, “That’s the ‘Broadway’ from Chicago runnin’ over an hour late, bet that’s the hold up.”

Moments later the Pennsylvania’s new position-light signal’s three horizontal yellow lights winked to vertical, indicating ‘go!’ Mac gave two deafening blasts on the whistle, the kids holding their ears, and eased the throttle back.

“We’re eight minutes late, have to make up time!” Old Mac said. “Hang on!”

The engine started, the chugging a series of loud blasts, starting slowly as she dug into the rails, getting faster and faster as old Mac pulled out the throttle, and as we started to move, the chugging suddenly slowed. He showed Jonathan the lever he was working in front of him, shouting, “Acts like a gear shift on a car…”

We began to race northward, passing the heavy industry and small towns. I could see that the Pennsylvania’s electrification program was in full swing, with the new tall steel poles being erected to carry the overhead wires.

We suddenly began to slow down and water started to spray out of the back of the tender, or ‘coal car’ behind the engine.

“Scooping water from the pans of water between the rails so’s we don’t have to stop for it,” Slim shouted.

After scooping a tank full of water we really began to fly, the speedometer climbing from 50 to 60 to 70 and higher. The engine began to rock and roll, it was pretty scary, like we were going to tip over, Jonathan looked really scared.

Slim smiled and shouted, “Hang on, don’t worry, she’ll ride a lot smoother once we hit 80 per.”

We were really flying, and the ride got steadier as we went faster. The kids began to yell, “Yaaa-hoooo!!” like cowboys.

I glanced at the speedometer and was shocked to see we were going just over 100 miles an hour, the engine’s exhaust chattering like a machine gun, the vibration from the flying connecting rods awful, but the kids were having a great time. The old engine was taking it all in stride, I couldn’t help thinking that she was enjoying her race with the Broadway.

We were on the outside track and caught up to and slowly passed the Broadway Limited, Slim waving with a big wide grin at the crew of the Broadway’s much larger engine in triumph as they tried to keep up with us.

“These here engine’s ‘ll outrun anything on the road!” Slim shouted over the incredible noise. “She hit 115 miles an hour pullin’ the Lindbergh Special - sweetest little machine in world!”

Now, watching the Broadway’s hard-working K-4 Pacific in full cry as we slowly passed her was an awesome experience, but I could hardly hear her for the noise from our engine. After a while we left the Broadway Limited far behind.

We slowed down for the bridge over the Delaware River and into Trenton, New Jersey passing the station. I made a mental note that if we were stopping here, I could visit my father-to-be as a boy in St. Anthony’s school, or my grandfather, a blacksmith for this railroad. He worked a giant steam hammer that weighed tons and could forge heavy steel locomotive parts, yet he was so skilled that he could tap the glass cover of a watch with the hammer and not scratch it, my dad would tell me.

“Next stop is Princeton Junction, best get off there,” old Mac shouted. “Too many ‘Brass Hats’ around Manhattan Transfer, might get into trouble lettin’ passengers ride the cab.”

I nodded. “Sure thing…”

“Brass Hats, Lito?” Lauren asked.

“Company officials, don’t want to get old Mac into trouble, do we?”

All too soon we stormed into Princeton Junction and we climbed down and thanked them for the ride.

“Right on time!” Old Mac shouted. “Better get washed up,” he said laughing.

I looked at us and we were a sight, the kid’s faces dark with sweat and soot, and no doubt mine too.

Back in our car we scrubbed our faces in the washroom and took our seats. I ordered sodas for all of us. I almost ordered a Diet Coke then remembered there was no such thing. One or two of our fellow passengers took out the slim, silver hip flasks from their back pockets and poured some of it into their glasses of soda cool as you please.

“What are those?” Jonathan asked.

I had forgotten to tell the kids about Prohibition!

“They are putting maybe whiskey or gin into their sodas Since 1920, drinking alcohol is against the law, no beer, wine or liquor is allowed.”

“Really?” Lauren asked, eyes wide.

“Really!” It’s called ‘Prohibition.’ Well-meaning people tried to outlaw alcohol since it is the cause of so much poverty and crime but since drinking is such a big part of American life, it didn’t work. Americans are drinking more than ever now, and it’s a really big business. You have to go to secret bars, called ‘speakeasies’ to get a drink, and have to know a password to get in.”

They laughed: “Speak-easy?”

“Yeah, they had to be quiet because it’s secret, right?”

They nodded.

“The funny thing is that now there are twice as many places to drink in New York than before Prohibition. They say the quickest way to find a speakeasy is to ask a policeman!” I told them as they eyed me skeptically. “Even so, every now and then, the police or Federal Agents, like Elliott Ness, who will become famous a few years from now in Chicago, raid the speakeasies and arrest everyone. It’s kind of a standard scene in any movies about the Twenties, you’ve seen them – the police breaking down the doors, the customers getting hysterical, being led into the police wagon, some trying to hide, some acting like it’s a party. Most people get off with just a slap on the wrist.”

“The bad part is a lot of bad guys, gangsters, took over making, smuggling and selling illegal ‘booze’ or ‘hooch’ as they like to call it, and they make more money than ever, but fight each other over territory – remember those old movies I made you watch?” I said with a grin.

“Yeah!,” Jonathan said. He made like he was holding a machinegun, “Ratatatat!” he shouted.

“Something like that,” I said. “Chicago has the worst reputation, it’s a national joke even now.”

“I want to see a real gangster!” Jonathan said grinning.

“Me too!” Lauren echoed.

The young lady who was sitting next to us was fixing her makeup, and discreetly started to powder her knees.

“What’s she doing, Lito?” Lauren asked all too loudly.

“Shh! Inside voice please… it’s a modern fashion, makes their knees look pretty. Not too long ago women couldn’t even show their ankles. Now in the Twenties, its considered kind of daring to expose their knees. Some girls like her like to roll their stockings below the knee, it’s easier, and show off their legs as much as possible. A kind of woman’s liberation,” I explained.

She ordered a ginger ale from the porter and, with her back to the other passengers, carefully picked up the hem of her skirt. I saw her take out her hip flask, held by a pretty elastic garter well above her knee, and pour something into her soda.

She noticed me looking: “Oops!” she laughed nervously. “Oh well, here’s mud in your eye!” she said raising her glass to me. “Say…wanna snort?” she asked offering me her hip flask. “It’s the real stuff….”

“Uh, no thanks..” I said nodding my head at the kids.

“Oh sure… gee, sorry. Cute kids!” she said.

“Thanks,” I said smiling.

“Oh well, here's mud in your eye!”

We flew across the wooded flatlands of New Jersey on the smooth four-track wide mainline and soon were flying by the smokestack industries of northern New Jersey, then out into the swampy meadowlands, we stopped at Manhattan Transfer.

Here, many passengers got off.

“There’s no exit here,” I told the kids, “you can only change trains here, nice for people going to lower Manhattan. Most of those guys who got off were probably headed for Wall Street on the Hudson Tubes, a subway system between New Jersey and New York.”

Old Mac’s engine suddenly steamed by running backwards. Looking out the window, I showed the kids the boxy electric engine clanking up to couple onto our train to take it through the tunnel under the mile-wide Hudson River to the center of New York City.

We soon were moving rapidly across the swamps, knowing there was no towering Empire State Building peaking over the long hill that hid the river from view.

NEW YORK CITY

Our ears popped from the pressure of diving into the tunnel, and after what seemed an eternity, we emerged briefly into the sunlight far below ground, then into Penn Station on time at 11 am.

The porter handed us our bags and brushed off our clothes with a hand brush.

“Thought we lost you at North Philly,” he said with a grin. I tipped him a whole dollar.

“Thank YOU sir!” he said.

I explained that a quarter was the normal tip.

We walked up the stairs, and marveled at the immense high steel and glass ceiling towering overhead. I smiled knowing it was long gone since 1965, an architectural masterpiece destroyed.

We left the throngs of people and took the ‘shortcut’ to 33rd Street. We waited in a line for a taxi under the mighty stone columned taxi ramp. A young woman was waiting right behind us, almost dancing with impatience, clutching a small overnight bag. Soon a cab pulled up for us.

“Where to, Mac?” he asked.

“The Algonquin!” I said very cool.

“OK buddy!” the driver said as he started the meter.

“Say Mister!” the lady said, “Can we share a cab, I’m going nearby on 44th, that OK?” she asked nicely.

“Uh, sure, OK by me.”

“Gee, thanks Mister!” She piled in and sat on the seat facing us. “Hiya kids!”

The driver looked back at us skeptically, rolling his eyes. He ground the gears, the noisy motor making that peculiar burbling rattle cars made in those days, the car vibrating with the motor.

“This is a funny-looking car!” Jonathan said.

“Shhs!” I said. “Be nice… this is how cars look ‘today.’ Take a good look at some of them – long, lean narrow hoods, running boards, radiator and separate headlights, nothing hidden, nothing on the car that doesn’t need to be there – see that ‘roadster,’ I mean sports car over there? Lean and mean, isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Jonathan said.

“There are a lot of people making cars now, names you probably never heard of: Packard, Pierce-Arrow, Moon, Marmon, Kissel, Jordan, Stutz, Studebaker, besides the big ones like Ford,” I explained to them.

The lady smiled at us in a puzzled way. “You’d think he never saw a car before…” I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled.

“We’re from Minnesota…”

“Oh…I see,” she said as if we said we came from Timbuktu.

The driver ran past Penn Station, its columns like a massive Roman building, past the Statler Hotel, Macy’s and busy Herald Square, under the ancient 6th Avenue El, crossing Broadway and its street car line I had forgotten about, past the place where the Empire State Building would soon be built.

“Say, I’ll pay my share,” she offered in her cutesy New York accent that reminded me of the old cartoon character, Betty Boop.

“Never mind – my treat, uh… Miss?”

“Kane, Helen Kane…Mrs. Kane actually.”

“Oh, sorry, didn’t notice,” I apologized. A sudden thought occurred to me. “You wouldn’t be by any chance the singer… ?”

She flashed her big eyes. “Yeah … that’s me! Gee! I have a fan! Did you see me in my show ‘A Night in Spain,’ the revue at the Winter Garden? I only have a small part.”

“No… just a fan of the theater. One hears about people….”

“Gee….thanks!” she said, all pleased.

“Are you a star?” Lauren asked.

“Not yet honey, but I’m in there swinging’ every night – someday!” she said optimistically.

“You talk like Betty Boop!” Lauren said in her matter of fact way.

“Who?!” Helen asked puzzled.

“Betty Boop?! You know, in the cartoons who says: “Boop, boop a doop!” Lauren said smiling innocently.

“Lauren!” I told her. “Never mind, you know, kids and their imaginations..” I interjected with a nervous laugh.

“Awww, that’s kinda cute - Boop, boop-a-doop…..I like it!” Helen said. “Boop, boop-a-doop!” she said sounding ultra-cute. “Hmm….if I added it to a song – kinda jazzy…”

We swung left up 5th Avenue. The streetlamps were very ornate and ‘busy’ looking.

“Foist time in Noo Yawk?” the driver asked.

“What’d he say, Lito?” Jonathan asked.

Ignoring him I told the cabby, “Yeah, I could say so…”

“Figured as much,” he said, “Fit Avenoo, classiest street in dah city,” he said proudly. We passed the massive Library, and stopped at the amazing ‘traffic tower’ dominating the intersection of 5th and Forty-second street.

“Look at that, kids. That’s how they control traffic at this intersection.”

The ornate, narrow tower rose from the middle of 5th Avenue with a clock and a little office at the top for the policemen and a traffic light on top of that lying on its side.

“Amazing!”

“Wow!” the kids said.

“Look at those double-decker buses, open on top, soon as we check in and get some lunch, let’s take a ride on one, see the city, OK?”

“OK!” they said.

NIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE

The taxi ran two more blocks to 44th street then turned a sharp left, cutting off on-coming traffic, one car braking to a screeching halt, blowing his horn angrily: “AAAOOOOOOOGAH!!!” The kids laughed, Lauren said: “What a crazy horn!”

We pulled up in front of the elegant Algonquin Hotel. I paid the driver and Helen got out and thanked me giving each kid a hug and a kiss, leaving them each with a big lipstick imprint on the cheek. She walked off.

“She’s going to be super-famous, starting next year with her ‘Boop, boop a doop’ trademark in her singing - and Betty Boop will be modeled after her. Hmmmmm, Lauren… I wonder… ?” I said, wondering if we just changed something in time? We’d have to be careful.

The doorman took our bags and greeting us said: “Checking in? Right this way sir, I’ll look after the bags…”

I told the kids to be extra quiet. The desk clerk asked if I wished a room with or without bath? The kids started to grin at this.

“Triple room with bath for one week, please,” I told him.

“Very good sir, with our weekly rate, that works out to $28, or $4 per day, plus tax.”

I pulled out my wallet, and took out two twenties and he said that only a small deposit is necessary, I can pay when I check out. Smiling, I gave him $5, which would do for now.

He rang the bell on his desk saying “Front!” and a bellboy was right there wheeling the bag cart. He took us to our room on the 7th floor, which looked out over 44th street. The elevator, of course, had an operator, and closing the gate he took us up rather fast.

Lauren laughing “Weeeeeee this is fun!”

Wait until you go down, I thought, remembering the quick drops those old elevators could make.

Our room was small but comfy, with a bay window, with two full-size beds and a fold-out couch bed.

“Jonathan, you get the fold-out bed, no arguments, please.”

He frowned briefly but soon cheered up. “Say where’s the TV?” Jonathan asked.

“In the lab,” I said being a bit mean. “Sorry, scientists are just working on experimental television now; what we have is radio.”

He frowned and started to sulk. “No TV?!”

“Nope, sorry kids, guess I forgot to warn you, but radio is the wonder of the age, just now, the big thing for techno-geeks. There are also no computers, no cell phones, iPods, video games, DVDs, GPSs, CD players. You have to use an operator to make a phone call, not buttons or dials. Music is recorded directly onto wax disk masters with a needle, and from there they make copies called ‘records’ which are like CDs, but instead of laser light reading the sound waves, the needle does it mechanically.”

They looked shocked.

“Radio is more like TV now then it will be in the future. They have plays and stories on the air besides music, that is, live orchestras, jazz bands and singers, mostly performing live. Some of these radios with crystals can pick up stations from very far away, even overseas at night, if conditions are right.”

While looking at the New York Times’ ‘Today on the Radio’ section, I turned on the radio in our room, with a new electric disk speaker on the wall. There were a lot of stations, and WEAF had the Waldorf-Astoria Orchestra program just starting now at 12:30pm.

The Radio whined and sang as I tuned the dial to WEAF at 640 AM.

“We bring you now the Waldorf-Astoria orchestra from the ballroom of the Waldorf Hotel…”

Soon they launched into ‘Someone to Watch Over Me’ by Gershwin, a woman singing the lovely words, followed by ‘It Had to Be You!’ by Gus Kahn. I had forgotten that those sophisticated melodies were written in the ‘20’s. I used to think they were from the late 1930’s.

“What makes this time so special? What’s so cool about it?” Jonathan asked.

Lauren looked very curious.

Bending down to explain I told them.

“Kids, this decade was known as the Jazz Age, the Roaring 20’s. It was an explosion of art, culture, music and technology like the world had never seen before coming all at once,” I explained. “This is when ordinary people began to challenge old ways in fashion, art, music, behavior and enjoy prosperity that we take for granted in our world and do all this FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. That’s why it’s so special!”

“Women and the young set the pace. The First World War, just 10 years ago, really turned everything upside down. While the men were away at the front, many women had to do jobs only men could do before, and realized that they could be independent and do whatever they pleased. They had just won the right to vote in 1920.”

“They began to cut their hair short, started to wear short skirts. Unfortunately, they started to smoke and drink like men did, scandalizing society. Jazz, at least this old style of jazz, began to liberate music like rock would in the 1950’s and ‘60’s - thanks to commercial radio which began bringing modern music and ideas to the masses in 1920.”

“The young people, feeling betrayed by a society that permitted such a terrible war as the Great War to happen, revolted against tradition and began wearing crazy clothes, driving fast cars, drinking, smoking, dancing to jazz and, well, misbehaving, staying out late and so on, not caring what people thought. ‘Flaming Youth’ they called it. Young people had never rebelled quite like this before. The bolder girls are called ‘Flappers,’ the guys ‘Sheiks.”

“Flappers, Lito?” Jonathan asked.

“Like the girl on the train? Remember?”

“Oh yeah,” he nodded grinning.

“Flapper…I want to be a Flapper!” Lauren said. “No you don’t, you’re a very good girl, see?”

She laughed.

Colleen Moore - Movie Actress and classic Flapper

Purchased from MPTV Images

“At the same time people enjoyed a new prosperity unheard-of before the war. Factories could now produce things people wanted faster and cheaper than ever. They could buy refrigerators, washing machines, cars and radios a new way - on credit - by making payments over time, so any working man could afford nice things. People were very optimistic, they believed you could do anything with hard work, drive and ‘get up and go.’ Remember the saying ‘scuse my dust?’”

Jonathan laughed at that.

“With so many people breaking the Prohibition laws, liberated women, Flaming Youth and all that jazz, it all made for a feeling of a kind of ‘who cares, let’s have fun’ freedom from convention. That’s what makes the Twenties so special! Sorry for the lecture…” I told them.

“Say, it’s getting to be one o’clock, and I’m getting hungry, how about you?”

They nodded.

“Let’s change and freshen up, then let’s eat.” We changed into similar clothes. I gave Lauren a more grownup-looking dress with the fashionable low waist, but she was not too happy about wearing a big bow in her hair.

“Come on, it’s a very elegant restaurant and you need to look really pretty so we don’t get thrown out. We have to fit in. That’s what girls your age are wearing these days.”

She crossed her arms frowning but then said, “O…K.”

We headed to the elevators.

“The Rose Room, please,” I said to the elevator boy. The elevator dropped like a stone, my stomach leapt, the kids enjoyed the ride.

I told them about the Hotel’s Round Table, where the some of the most famous playwrights, poets, theater critics, columnists and writers gathered every day for lunch to trade insults and jokes about each other’s work. It had become world famous, the heart of New York’s theatrical world.

“Round Table? Like King Arthur?” Jonathan asked.

“Not quite, but their lances are just as sharp!” I told them mysteriously. “You know, we might even run into Harpo Marx himself!”

The kids looked surprised. “Harpo is here?” Lauren smiled. They both loved his crazy antics in his old movies.

“He might be here, it’s Saturday and that’s when this group sticks around and moves upstairs to play cards, sometimes all night, sometimes all weekend. Harpo is a regular player,” I told them.

Frank Case himself, the owner, down-to-earth as ever led us to a table just across from the Round Table where the regulars were just getting their lunch served. I pointed out the pretty woman smoking a cigarette in an elegant long holder - she was poet and critic Dorothy Parker, famous for her ‘wisecracks’ and sharp wit, laughing at something humorist Robert Benchley just said, the round faced fellow with the little mustache. Harold Ross, founder of the New Yorker magazine who was described as looking like a ‘dishonest Abe Lincoln.’ was laughing too.

“Look at all the people smoking!” Jonathan said shocked.

“Well, people didn’t know it was bad for them then, we’ll be OK,” I told him quietly.

“Lito, look…there’s a doggie under the table!” Lauren said pointing at a little Boston Terrier sitting quietly at Dorothy Parker’s feet licking some kind of liquid off the floor. I realized it was liquor! She had two bottles under her chair, not very discreet, and one had fallen over. It seemed nobody even noticed.

“Hmm, that has to be Dorothy Parker’s, I guess the hotel lets her bring her dog in the dining room, she is so famous and all.”

There were others at the table, columnists Heywood Broun in his wrinkled suit, owl-like Alexander Woollcott, the famous theater critic were also grinning as was sour-looking Franklin Pierce Adams known simply as FPA with his big nose and mustache chewing an unlit cigar and next to them sat a serious guy with the glasses and tall fuzzy hair. I told the kids he was George S. Kaufman, a very famous playwright and next to him sat George Gershwin himself, America’s leading composer of Broadway, jazz and popular music, that long nose unmistakable, and sure enough, there was Harpo, dressed in a proper suit, his somewhat frizzy hair was unmistakable.

“That’s Harpo…” I pointed out to the kids….

“Harpo!!!” Lauren cried out. Jonathan flashed him his big wide grin. Before I could stop her she rushed out of her chair and stood in front of the Round Table, smiling shyly. I jumped up quietly and whispered loudly to her:

“Lauren…get back here, behave!” Other diners started to look at us. Standing there, embarrassed, I started to apologize to them but Harpo, like the wonderful person he was, looked at her and flashed her his crazy smile, eyes wide, full of mischief. Then he crossed his eyes and made the ‘gookie’ face, cheeks puffed and mouth puckered…then relaxed into a nice smile and motioned her to come over to him and took her on his knee, grinning.

“Harpo!!!” Lauren cried out.

Lauren beamed at him with admiration.

“Hi there, cutie,” he said, sounding a lot like his brother Groucho.

Lauren’s eyes widened and she laughed: “You can’t talk!”

He laughed in surprise and Dorothy Parker said in her slow voice:

“He can talk, daaarling, but he doesn’t SAY anything..”

The whole table laughed, including Harpo, giving his silly grin.

Gershwin leaned over smiling and said, “What’s your name, sweetie?”

Lauren laughed “Lauren-Michelle…”

He beamed at her, “You know I think I should call you funny face?”

She laughed. “I don’t have a funny face!”

“You have a very pretty face, but you’re so cute, it’s funny, see?”

She laughed, not understanding.

“Say George,” said Kaufman.

“Yes George?” Gershwin replied.

“That’d make a good name for your new musical, y’ know.”

Gershwin nodded, “Not bad, George, not a bad idea at all,” he thought a moment, then winked at his fellow diners and said, as if with sudden inspiration, “How’d you like me to write a song about you, Lauren with the funny face?”

She smiled shyly, “I don’t know…”

“Well, that’s just what I’m going to do, call it Funny Face! Your name will be in lights, on Broadway, in manner of speaking, how about that?!” he said spreading his arms as if making a billboard, with a big smile.

She hid her face. Harpo bounced her on his knee, flashing his crazy smile, and clapped.

Dorothy, very cool, said:

“Don’t say no, dear;

You know he wrote ‘Rhapsody in Blue?

Georgie, won’t you write a song about me?

I don’t care what you say;

So long as it isn’t true!”

They all laughed.

“George, you had better do it… she has a vicious bite you know…” said Woollcott with a satisfied grin.

“Oh…. I do NOT!” Dorothy said pretending to be offended. “And don’t look at me in that tone of voice!”

“Now, now Aleck, isn’t that a little harsh? Mrs. Paakah is our Little Nell….” said Benchley defending her in his broad Boston accent.

“Mr. Benchley … my gallant knight….” said Dorothy as she turned to him smiling.

“But also our Lady Macbeth,” Benchley continued.

They all broke up into laughter at her expense as she gave him a frown.

“Leaving a trail of broken hearts and punctured egos in her wake…” continued Woollcott.

“My beauty and brains Burn like beautiful flames;

If my men get burned, ‘Tisn’t I who’s to blame.”

Dorothy said as she flashed Woollcott a triumphant smile, taking a drag on her cigarette, making it glow an angry red.

“Touché!” said Benchley with a broad grin at Woollcott.

The others chuckled at Woollcott’s expense.

He just sighed and shrugged his shoulders in defeat.

I knew that Gershwin was working on a new musical that would open at the Alvin Theater in November, called ‘Funny Face’ so I wondered if he was just kidding or she really WAS the inspiration for the musical’s name?

I apologized again and told Lauren, “Come on, we’ve bothered these good people enough…”

Dorothy replied: “They belong to you then?”

“Grandkids, uh…Mrs. Parker… ?” I said, unsure how to address this famous poetess.

“They are indeed,” she said. “Mrs. Parker? My so formal…Mr. Parker and I are separated, darling,” she smiled at me. “Just call me Dottie.”

“Th… thank you, uh, Dottie,” I stammered out.

“Won’t you join us, Mister, uh…?” asked the always friendly Heywood Broun.

“Mayer… Mike Mayer. Nothing I’d like more but I promised the kids a ride on a 5th Avenue bus later, and you know how kids are about promises… ”

“Couldn’t say,” said Dottie with a smile. “You’re staying here at the ‘Gonk?” she asked taking a long pull on her cigarette.

“Yes, we’ll be here until next Saturday.”

“Perhaps we’ll see each other again?” she said with a smile.

“I would be honored,” I replied.

FIFTH AVENUE

I thanked them, excused us and we sat and finished our lunch, the Round Table’s traditional $1.75 ‘Blue Plate Special’ of broiled Spring Chicken and, of course, free light, fluffy popovers and butter. I felt as if I had just visited Heaven, that I was able to talk with these legendary artists, and I could not concentrate on my food. Lauren certainly made a big hit. The Round Table group waved goodbye as we left and headed for Fifth Avenue.

The weather was very cool, the high 60’s, as we stepped outside and walked to 5th Avenue, crossed to the northbound side and waited for one of the famous open-topped double-decker buses, just now making its way towards us.

We boarded and I paid our nickel fares and climbed to the open top.

“This is funnnnnn!” Jonathan said.

“Yeah!” Lauren laughed as we took our seats near the front, cool wind in our faces, heading up 5th Avenue. Of course it looked much different now, none of the modern steel and glass skyscrapers of our time. We passed stores, the old Vanderbilt mansion, and some old friends as well - Tiffany’s, St. Patrick’s Cathedral, the Plaza Hotel on the left, on the right the new Sherry Netherlands Hotel was almost complete, beautiful Central Park, the kids enjoying the ride.

We went as far as Harlem, 125th street, then caught another bus back. I explained that Harlem, the heart of the Afro-American community, was an important center of modern jazz music, called the ‘Harlem Renaissance.’ The people were well-dressed with an air of prosperity. This was long before the great migration of poor Afro-Americans from the South during World War II. Harlem, even through the 1940’s was a big attraction for its lively night life open to all races. Maybe the top Jazz and Blues performers ‘Satchmo’ Louis Armstrong and Bessie Smith might be there now?

I explained that Afro-Americans, in those days they called them Negroes or Colored, had a hard time in the White-dominated world, but it was gradually getting better. Still, many people were openly prejudiced, even in the North, where segregation was not law like in the South. Because communities were very close in those days, like villages, people were often suspicious of outsiders, people who were ‘different.’

Each community, White, Black, Asian generally kept to themselves, and it wasn’t a very tolerant world. This was true not only of race, but also ethnic groups. Usually immigrants, especially the Italians, Irish and Jews, all had their own neighborhoods and customs, even criminal gangs.

We rode all the way to Greenwich Village’s Washington Square and the big Roman-inspired arch in the park. The Village was still the Village, funky as always, with young people dressed in black, thick glasses, odd costumes, painters and chess players in the park, colorful ‘theme’ restaurants, not very different from our time. The Purple Pig was one I remembered seeing.

We went back to the hotel exhausted, the kids sleepy. We took a light dinner in our room and a much-needed bath. I knew the Round Table crowd would be upstairs playing poker all night, maybe all weekend. They dubbed their little group ‘The Thanatopsis, Pleasure and Inside Straight Club.’ How I would have loved to just be there to listen to them.

We sat up for a while listening to the radio over the city sounds of traffic, the distant rumble of the 6th Avenue El and dance music drifting in our open window from a nearby room along with the thump of dancing feet.

I ignored it until around 10 pm when there was a knock on the door. I opened it slowly, when a young man in a tuxedo and a woman in a shiny short evening dress with rolled stockings, having clearly partied too much already, stood smiling. They asked if I had any ‘Gordon Water’ or ice and would I like to join their party nearby?

“Can we go to the party?” Lauren asked.

“Yeah!” Jonathan said.

Turning to the kids I told them it’s too late and it’s not a party for kids.

“What’s Gordon Water?” Jonathan asked.

“Never mind, it’s gin, for grownups. Thanks, but I’ve got my grandkids here…”

“Oh,” she said looking in, “Say… they’re the cat’s meow! Sorry ‘bout the noise!” She waved at the kids who waved back…”See ya!” she said and started to giggle. The couple tripped off laughing. I watched them stagger down the hall, knocking on other doors.

The party had spilled into the hallway by now from the room a few doors down. I told the kids that in the ‘20’s it was not uncommon to have casual parties in hotels since the rooms were usually open, no TV. Since drinking was illegal, most people carried it with them secretly rather than go to bars or ‘speakeasies.’

“I guess people were just more open and friendlier in the ’20’s.”

“Cool!” the kids said.

“You know what? Let’s have look! We’ll never get to sleep with all this racket anyway.”

They grinned enthusiastically. We tiptoed down the hall to look in on the party.

Two young ‘Sheiks’ in rumpled tuxedos staggered out of the room holding a bottle singing ‘How dry I am…’

The young couple who knocked on our door saw us as they were returning from their mission with a bottle of gin. “Hey, come on in! Join us!”

“Uh…no…. but thanks all the same… just wanted to see what’s going on.”

We peeked in the crowded room.

It was a very young crowd. Everyone was in evening dress of course, the girls in short silk dresses, stockings rolled, with very short hairdos. The guy’s hair was also short, fashionably slicked down hard with shiny Brilliantine hair cream, which Jonathan thought was very strange-looking. There was a trio playing a sax, banjo and guitar, thumping out some very nice jazz. Only one couple was dancing in a tight embrace to the music doing the Bunny Hug. The others were sitting around with drinks, smoking cigarettes, the air almost blue with a tobacco haze, a girl was shaking a cocktail, a couple of people were passed out on the sofa, one with the ice bucket on his head; two other couples were hugging and kissing very passionately, the guys’ faces marked with their girlfriend’s bright red lipstick.

The kids took it all in, Jonathan grinning at me.

“Look! They’re kissing!”

“I can see that…”

“Here you go old Man! Scoth (Scotch)… right off the boat!” said one tipsy guy smiling as he thrust a drink into my hands. I discreetly put it down on the dresser. (You could never be certain in those days if it was real or ‘bootleg’ or fake, using bad alcohol and artificial flavors cheaply made that could even be poisonous!)

“Really, thanks but I can’t, I mean we’re not dressed for it and…” (The kids were in their PJ’s and I in the suit I had been in all day).

“Sss…OK!” he slurred out. “Shay…djyou ever meet Lulu?” He grabbed my shoulders pointing me at a very pretty girl sitting very carelessly, skirt hiked up to her thighs, who fluttered her hand at me flirtatiously. Her apparent ‘date’ was passed out next to her.

“Nooooo, not really…uh……we’ve got to go. Come on kids, let’s get to bed!”

“C…mere big boy, shid down wi me…party’s boring” Lulu said drunkenly as she waved me over.

“Uh…..no thanks…some other time maybe….”

“Awww….you’re all wet….c’mon, less have some fun!” she slurred.

“Allright…we gotta go…thanks all the same…bye!”

We started walking back.

“She looked smokin’ hot Lito!” Jonathan said mischievously, grinning.

“Where did you get THAT from?!” I asked incredulously.

“The Disney Channel,” he said defensively. “Wow did you see how drunk they were?”

“Well I guess the fact that liquor is not easy to get and you have only limited opportunity to drink makes people want to really party hard!” I explained.

An older gentleman in his bathrobe with an ice bucket passing by us jerked his thumb at the party: “Look at them! Flaming Youth! Gin, Jazz, short skirts and razzmatazz,…where does it all end? They’ll be the ruin of this country yet, mark my words!”

Somehow we eventually drifted off to sleep, dreams of the wild party so typical of the ‘20’s danced in my head. “Don’t bring Lulu…” I thought as the words of that song floated through my head.

Sunday, we slept in; time travel took a lot of energy, it seemed. We indulged in a leisurely breakfast in the room, and got dressed for a late Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, the kids awestruck at the soaring gothic interior. It was of course all in Latin, the priests facing the altar, backs to the congregation. The kids looked puzzled, as I was myself, catching a phrase here or there.

Sunday in New York City is truly a day of rest, very little goes on. We went from St. Pats and walked to Central Park, taking in the beautifully dressed people out for a Sunday stroll. The kids noticed the difference. There were no casual clothes at all, everyone was decked out in their ‘Sunday Best’ the women walking proudly in light silk dresses with low-waists, fur-collared coats, shiny silk stockings and high heels, men dapper in well-tailored suits.

“Almost everybody wears hats!” Lauren observed.

“Hats are a big part of everyone’s dress, men and women,” I explained.

We went to the famous Central Park Zoo, home of the animals in ‘Madagascar.’ Somewhat disappointed, we then went to Grant’s Tomb on the upper west side. Not that we wanted to go there, it’s just was what everybody did when they came to New York in those days. I promised to take them to the Museum of Natural History on Monday. We had dinner at Tavern on the Green, beautiful lights all around, then a cab ride back to the ‘Gonk,’ the kids exhausted. I was worried that without TV, it would take some doing to keep them from getting bored.

WALL STREET

Monday morning, we got up early because I wanted to show them Wall Street in action. Besides, I had a plan to make some money in the market. We walked the short distance to Grand Central Station after a quick breakfast. It was, of course busier than Philly was, mobs of people streaming out of the station, heading for taxis and the subway. Eight o’clock and the height of rush hour. Instead of the subway, we would take the elevated train.

We walked past Grand Central two short blocks to the 3rd Avenue El. The old steel viaduct was built in 1878 and modernized in 1913 and it stretched for miles. It was eventually torn down in 1955. The beautiful Chrysler Building next to the station was not yet built, but they were tearing down some old buildings to begin its construction. A train was just pulling in and making a terrible noise, the kids held their ears and grinned.

We walked up the wooden stairway to the ancient two-level 42nd Street station with its stained glass windows. We had to buy tickets, not tokens, only a nickel. A guard ‘chopped’ our tickets to let us in onto the downtown local platform, the express platform above us.

We walked upstairs to catch a downtown express. I explained that the center track was a one-way express line with limited stops. The El was so narrow that the express stops had to be raised above the local platforms.

“Hey, this is like a roller coaster!” Jonathan said.

“Yeah, isn’t it? Not as much fun but a nice ride anyway,” I said.

A downtown express rolled up the ramp to our platform, old wooden open-platform cars like a train in a Western movie. The ‘gatemen’ slid open the gates, no doors, as a rush hour crowd got off. We got on the first car, and pushed our way through the crowd to the front door. A pretty woman sitting in front in a natty woolen rather man-like suit gave the kids a big smile, Jonathan smiled back.

This express was going all the way to South Ferry. We took off, the old traction motors groaning as we rolled down the ramp, bouncing and rocking on the center track, passing 34th then 28th Streets at a fast clip, briefly playing tag with a local as it accelerated between stops.

The local was making bright blue sparks as its pickup ‘shoes’ tapped the unprotected ‘third rail’ along its track. The kids asked me if that was what made it run?

“Yep,” I told them. “Each track has a third rail raised up on insulators along side with 600 volts of electricity and, look, it is not protected in any way so track workers have to be very careful not to touch it.”

We climbed the ramp to a stop at 23rd Street station, then down again, the kids enjoying the bouncing ride, making a few more stops, rolling above the Bowery, a seedy street even then, to the dizzy heights of Chatham Square station complex, gateway to Little Italy and Chinatown, where the 2nd Avenue El passes under us, our train staying on the upper level. We could change there for City Hall but we were headed for Wall Street.

Our train rolled on, screeching around the tight curves of lower Manhattan, the line tracing the old narrow colonial-era streets. It felt like it would jump the track, the kids laughed in delight. We rode all the way to South Ferry and its big El terminal also called The Battery, the big green space on the tip of Manhattan, and enjoyed the vista of the harbor and the skyscrapers of the financial district, along with the Statue of Liberty. Only New York enjoys this intimacy with the sea. The harbor was alive with ships and seemingly countless ferries busily thrashing across the Hudson connecting the many rail stations in New Jersey with the financial district.

We walked up Broadway to Wall Street, old Trinity Church looking small among the towering buildings with its ancient graveyard. I thanked God that this was still 74 years before the obscenity of the attack on the World Trade Center. Twin towers did indeed occupy that site, but they were the very modest Hudson Terminal buildings. I pointed out the Woolworth Building, which was now the tallest building in the world at 792 feet. Only the Eiffel Tower was taller.

We walked down Wall Street’s narrow canyon. The kids posed by George Washington’s statue at the Sub Treasury building, where he took the oath of office as America’s first president. The Stock Market fronted Broad Street, The House of Morgan was the most prominent stockbrokerage on Wall Street, and nearby Mike Meehan & Company, a more modest brokerage, was our destination.

We entered the busy offices, with its ceiling fans and opaque glass office windows, above which the chatter of the ticker-tapes and men posting stock results on a big black board could be heard. Many brokers and secretaries sat at their wooden desks, using old-fashioned phones and tall manual typewriters.

I sat with one of the brokers and opened an account, giving my actual Minnesota address that didn’t exist yet and my ‘temporary’ address at the Algonquin, which seemed to impress him. I opened a ‘margin account,’ that is I could buy stock in a company on credit with as little as 10% down, like everyone seemed to be doing, but not on the initial transaction until my credit would be firmly established.

Mainly as an object lesson I bought 400 shares of Packard Automobile at about $41 with an order to sell it if it reached $44, which I knew it would by Friday thanks to the old newspapers I researched. This would make me about $1000 after expenses as I shed my expensive 1921-issued 500 dollar bills, paying full price, still a nice return on my investment. I had a plan for that money that would benefit my grandchildren too, more on that later.

I told the kids that buying stock like this ‘on the margin’ allowed ordinary people to buy stock on credit, which made stock prices soar amazingly high, but their real value was much lower, and that two years from now, in 1929, people would start a wave of selling. The market would collapse and the paper fortunes would vanish overnight, plunging America and later the world in a terrible depression that threw millions out of work, eventually leading to the Second World War.

I said I’d be back on Saturday morning to collect my profit. The broker wished me luck. We walked up to City Hall and Park Row, the old Victorian post office at the bottom of the park, no longer there in my time, the Woolworth Building towering over it.

We took a walk on the Brooklyn Bridge, beautiful, very familiar except that the elevated trains to Brooklyn used the upper deck, which is open in our time. We walked halfway across then turned back. We then took the original subway riding the express train back to Grand Central, Lauren brave enough to stand on the platform, one foot in each car despite anxious looks from fellow passengers.

The heavy steel olive-green subway cars roared through the tunnel taking the many curves in stride at seeming breath-taking speed, the cars bouncing and swaying, safety chains swinging in rhythm bringing fond memories back to me.

We then caught a taxi to the Museum of Natural History fronting Central Park. It was still impressive as we walked through the Dinosaur exhibit, the dramatic T-Rex skeleton put up in 1913 and the dinosaur eggs ‘fresh’ from the Gobi Desert in Mongolia, as I explained to the kids. They loved it, the museum familiar as an old friend as we walked its cavernous halls. Memories flooded back of my father taking me for the first time to see the dinosaur bones as well, and the deep impression it had on me, but that was years in the future. Back to the hotel for an early dinner and a much-needed sleep, the kids yawning, eager to go to bed.

A note was waiting under the door of our room. I opened it eagerly, the kids peering over my shoulder. It was an invitation from ‘Dottie’ to a Matinee for me and the kids Wednesday to see ‘Good News’ at the 46th Street Theater, a real 1920’s-style musical comedy that she was going to review for the New Yorker.

The show, a true classic of the ‘20’s, was about a fictional college, with all the stock characters of the era: ‘Joe College’ in Raccoon coats, Flappers, songs like ‘Varsity Drag.’ Nothing so grabbed the spirit of the times like this show would. (I’d seen the later movie version.) Still, what an honor to be invited by the legendary Dorothy Parker.

Her note stated:

‘Invited you and your kids because I need some fresh air - yours in Boredom, - Dottie.’

I had to laugh. I had been looking at some of the theater offerings. After all, this was the heyday of live theater on Broadway. In about twenty years half the theaters would be torn down and some would end up as seedy movie houses into the 1980’s. One of the more famous shows was The Ziegfeld Follies of 1927 with Eddie Cantor. Of all the legendary shows, it was hard to top the Follies every year since 1907, but in Jonathan’s words, “It would not be suitable….” for young children. Besides, some of the real Follies stars were not in this show like Fanny Brice (Funny Girl), Will Rogers, W.C. Fields and Ed Wynn.

That was Wednesday. Tomorrow, Tuesday, we would visit the liners in the harbor. Checking the Times shipping news, the ultra-modern Ile De France would be arriving in the morning with New York’s colorful rascal of a mayor, the dapper Jimmy Walker, and on Wednesday evening the most famous liner of them all, the old Mauretania would sail at 11 pm.

We could visit the Mauretania tomorrow and the Ile De France on Wednesday morning after she is finished unloading. Too bad the Olympic, Titanic’s luckier sister wouldn’t be in port until next Tuesday. That would be interesting, but I had a plan to actually visit the Titanic itself on our next journey through time.

We woke up early Tuesday morning thanks to the noisy city. The Ile was due to dock at around 10 am so I got the kids ready.

“Where are we going to?” Lauren asked.

“We are going to see some really amazing ships today and tomorrow as well as a real Broadway show with ‘Dottie’ tomorrow too, how about that?”

Lauren smiled but Jonathan wasn’t too sure.

“Is Harpo gonna be there?” Lauren asked.

“I don’t know, but we’re going with Dottie anyway.”

Jonathan smiled, I could tell he liked her.

“Come on, it’ll be fun, let’s go.”

LINERS

“Can we go to the movies?” Jonathan asked.

“Sure, but I don’t know if you’re going to like them - they’re silent, no sound - you have to read the ‘titles’ they call them, full screen text between scenes - nobody’s figured out subtitles yet.”

“Yeah, like your Harold Lloyd DVDs, right?” Jonathan replied frowning, remembering those old silent comedy DVDs I had. He was not a fan of the silent movies.

“Yep. But they have been playing around with sound, even color film for a few years. We’ll see. Let’s check the paper when we get back tonight, OK? We should really go to the Roxy Theater. It is a real palace, and no longer exists in our time.”

We walked the short distance to 6th Avenue, pointing out the immense Hippodrome Theater, largest in the world. It hosted circuses and the likes of Houdini some years ago and would fall to the wreckers in 1939. We rode the ancient 6th Avenue El on a pokey local all the way to South Ferry, where I hoped to catch the inbound Ile De France after she cleared quarantine off Staten Island.

About 9 am, we could see the big liner with her three red, blacktopped funnels sailing majestically up the Hudson slowly passing us on lower Manhattan.

“She sure is big, hey?”

“Yeah,” Jonathan said, “But what’s the big deal about this ship?”

“She is the newest ocean liner and the first truly modern one, the first with non-traditional interiors, what they call ‘Art Deco,” I explained, “the foundation for all modern design. We’ll take a look at her tomorrow.”

We had a quick breakfast at a lunch counter elbow to elbow with Wall Street types. There was plenty of time to watch her dock at the 15th street pier, nearby the Mauretania on 14th street.

We took a cab up to the ‘modern’ Chelsea Piers, where the French Line pier was crowded with onlookers. It looked decidedly odd to me, without the old elevated West Side Highway, still a few years in the future.

We worked our way through the crowd to the water, and watched as the tugs gently nudged the steel giant into her berth with much puffing and tooting of whistles. The docking pilot on the Ile used his police whistle to communicate with the tugboats. Eventually the liner’s crew tossed over the huge ropes that teams of muscular longshoremen grabbed and made fast to the dock. Me and the kids nearly jumped out of our skins as the Ile’s main ship’s whistle bellowed a shattering blast to indicate the docking was complete.

No point in sticking around to wait for the Mayor to disembark, so we pushed our way through the crowd to Pier 54, where the majestic old campaigner, the Mauretania sat, where the Carpathia docked with Titanic survivors in 1912 and the Mauretania’s near-sister Lusitania sailed to her doom in 1915.

“It looks like Titanic.” Jonathan said excitedly, counting her four funnels.

“Well, a little bit like her, but she is different in so many ways,” I explained.

“The ‘Mary’ as the Mauretania is affectionately known, is a marine legend,” I told them. “Since 1909, the old ship is still the fastest on the Atlantic, and she is also known as the ‘Rostron Express.”

“Why?” they asked.

“She’s called that by her regular passengers because of her captain, Rostron, who rescued Titanic’s passengers when he captained the Carpathia, and because she’s so fast she usually arrives on time to the minute so that the captain can always catch the same train to his home from Southampton.”

We walked up to her riveted steel knife-like prow.

“She looks old, how come she’s so fast?” Jonathan asked skeptically.

“She and her sister Lusitania had the then-radical steam turbine engines and four propellers. Their design was for speed, not for comfort, as you can see how thin she is, even sleek, in spite of those four, tall black-topped red-orange funnels,” I explained.

“They were built to beat the Germans who won the speed contest from the British in 1897, so they wanted to be sure they had the most advanced power plant, and so the ‘Mary’ remains the fastest ship afloat,” I told them. “Let’s go on board.”

They smiled at this.

We entered the rather modern steel pier and found the visitor’s gangway that led to 1st Class, lower ‘promenade’ deck. Paying a small donation of 10 cents each, we walked up the gangway, briefly suspended high above the water between pier and the ship’s riveted black steel flank at a dizzying height, the kids not wanting to look down. We entered the open lower promenade deck. The upper promenade was above us and above that the boat deck with lifeboats nested in pairs, these upper sides a brilliant white, being touched up by a paint crew.

RMS Mauretania - Fastest Liner in the World from 1909 - 1929

Courtesy of Michael Pocock

The kids found the British accents of the crew amusing. We could wander where we pleased so we started in the 1st or as Cunard called it ‘Saloon Class.’ The woodwork was rather dark and the dome over the dining room especially so, designed in a medieval French style. One elegant room gave way to another, 2nd class also elegant but smaller, with its own dome.

There was a slight list, which the kids found odd, the deck wasn’t level, and there was a vibration of the ventilating machinery. She was clearly old, paint thick on chipped steel, teak decks worn smooth, the smell of salt water, steam and oil as well as some tough British antiseptic. The ship was alive, I told the kids, taking on oil, getting ready for sea tomorrow. Even now, bouquets of flowers, baskets of fruit, ‘bon voyage gifts’ were being delivered by busy stewards to staterooms.

We went into a number of them, most without bath. I told the kids that people in those days didn’t bathe as often as we did. If you wanted a bath, you rang for the bath steward and he would arrange it in the public baths in the center of the ship. Cunard Line specialized in fast, reliable mail ships with elegant but not extravagant comfort.

I asked an officer if we could possibly see the engine room? He said that he would see if it could be managed, smiling at the kids. He rang the engineers on the phone and gave us directions to the bottom of the ship. The kids were a bit apprehensive, but down we went, the decks looking more business-like, until we were over the boiler rooms, the corridor all white with low steel ceilings, lots of pipes, steel doors, heavy rivets and caged lights, busy crewmen hustling along.

An imposing officer with a big mustache and wearing white, greasy coveralls greeted us.

“Andrew Cockburn, Chief Engineer. My pleasure,” he said with a Scottish burr.

He lead us though a steel door, down a narrow ladder.

“Mind the steps!” he shouted at the kids as they gingerly climbed down to the noisy aft boiler room, down ladder after ladder, the giant boilers alive with super-heated steam. I half-expected the traditional ‘black gang’ of sea-going toughs that made up the crew of stokers and firemen on coal-burning liners, like in the Titanic movies, but was pleasantly surprised.

The room was a forest of huge pipes and gauges but surprisingly clean, just the smell of hot steam and fuel oil, with only a couple of crewmen monitoring the massive boilers towering over us.

“Converted to oil in 1921. Best thing we ever did, bettered our own speed record too,” he said, shouting over the din of the fires and ventilating fans.

As we walked around giant, steel boilers, the intense heat was wilting. The kids were awestruck, Lauren holding her ears, Jonathan grinning as Cockburn led us through a massive watertight door with the giant gears that would close it in an emergency, into the forward port engine room where some of the massive turbines sat.

The room was very high, full of ladders and cat walks. A wall of gauges and big wheels that turned the steam on or off on the starting platform was just above the entrance. Giant, heavily insulted pipes snaked over the huge low-pressure turbines that lay in their immense steel cocoons, slowly turning over with a steady whine, ready to supply massive horsepower to race the fastest ship on the planet. We could see the lifting gear above that could lift the massive turbine assembly with its thousands of tiny, delicate steel blades out of its bearings if she was ever damaged.

“There are six turbines altogether,” Mr. Cockburn shouted above the noise of the ventilating fans and the hiss of steam. “The high pressure turbines are in the outer compartments on either side of us.”

The kids were wowed and I was too, but I felt a nagging sense of claustrophobia, the watertight doors, narrow ladders and passageways and steel doors. I imagined what it was like on her sister ship, the Lusitania when she was torpedoed in 1915 and went down in 18 minutes, and I felt a new respect for the engineering crew on Titanic who stayed below to the end to keep the lights burning.

Mr. Cockburn guessed what I was thinking about.

“Ye’re no going ta’ ask me about the Lucy?” He was Senior Second Engineer on the Lusitania when she was torpedoed but was off duty in his cabin. Almost nobody made it out of the engine rooms.

I shook my head no.

“Aye, she was a lovely ship…sometimes faster than the Mary,” he said sadly.

I thanked the Chief and wished him luck.

“The Mary’s a gallant ship,” I told him. I asked him if he knew about the new German super liners (they will be named Bremen and Europa) now being built, with their advanced hull design, the ‘bulbous bow’? (a German invention used on all ships since, instead of the traditional knife-like shape, it has a round teardrop-shaped bottom of the bow that punches a hole though the water, reducing drag.)

“Aye! Well, they may beat us, but we won’t go down without a fight, ye can lay ta’ that!” he said with a measure of pride. He led us back to the passenger areas and said that he hoped we’d sail with them sometime.

By great good luck, after a tour of the bridge, the kids impressed by the navigation instruments and ship’s wheel, we got to meet Captain Rostron himself, the spare, grizzled commander whose eyes spoke volumes of his years on the sea. Here was someone who would not suffer a fool, I remember thinking.

He was on the boat deck, discussing some things with his officers when we happened by, and he unbent for a moment to greet Jonathan and Lauren with a nice grin. We explained we were just visiting, but hoped to sail with him soon.

He looked at me and the kids in a puzzled way for a moment then shook his head, “You look familiar, I’m sure I’ve seen you before……..but I can’t place it,” he said smiling and stroking his chin. “Odd. Never forget a face. Aye, too many years at sea no doubt. Well, hope to see you on another trip then.”

I shook the rough hands of this genuine Titanic hero, and said that it was an honor to meet him. Jonathan said mischievously before I could stop him:

“I saw you in ‘Titanic!’”

Captain Rostron gave an amused grin: “Rather young, aren’t you?”

“He means in the movies… ” I said, glaring at Jonathan.

“Oh, I see,” he said with a puzzled squint.

Jonathan flashed his big grin. We left, and I cautioned the kids not to tell about the future. If things went according to plan, I’d see him again, alright, but not when he was expecting.

After leaving the docks, we walked east and south to Wanamaker’s Department Store on 11th Street. The kids needed a few more clothes. We saw some kids stealing a ride on the back of a car. The bumper, spare tire and a small luggage rack made it easy to hop on and ride safely, and they couldn’t be seen from the narrow back window of that type of sedan. Jonathan looked enviously at the kids.

“Boy, would I like to do THAT!” he said.

“Nothing doing - don’t want you to get hurt,” I replied as he frowned at me.

On the way we passed an older, stout, white-haired policeman. Jonathan elbowed me in the ribs and asked me to ask him where to get a drink, to see if what I had said about the quickest way to find a speakeasy was to ask a cop, was true.

He and Lauren were grinning and giggling. I was curious myself, so I thought what the heck. Leaving them a bit behind, I returned to the policeman and asked him, tugging at my collar, a bit nervous.

“Say, officer, I’m from outta town - do you know any good places where a fellow can get a drink around here?

He looked me up and down through narrowed eyes for a long minute.

Uh oh, I thought, we’ve seen this look before in countless old movies…

“Say, what are you, some kinda wise guy?” the cop said.

“Uh no…not really,” I replied. He glanced at my grandkids giggling in the distance.

“Try Child’s on Time Square, they have a pretty good cup o’ coffee. On your way now,” he said jerking his thumb.

“What did he say, Lito?” Jonathan asked, giggling uncontrollably.

“Never mind,” I said.

Once we arrived at Wanamaker’s big, old rambling building, we started shopping. Another four-piece suit for Jonathan with plus-four pants (knickerbockers) for only $10.75, and another dress for Lauren for $7.95. The kids were a little uncomfortable, Jonathan in jacket and tie and Lauren in dresses, but since I had to wear jacket, tie and hat myself, they could handle it. Still, they complained about when could they get into their normal clothes again?

“When we return to our time next Sunday, we have to play the game for now until we go home,” I explained.

“Ok,” they said unenthusiastically. Jonathan noticed how varied the menswear was with many different hat styles.

The store looked similar to a modern department store, but busier, with old-fashioned interiors and the fascinating baskets hanging by wheels like little cable cars on an overhead cable system that were sent whizzing with orders and cash to the central office and stockroom. The kids found it interesting.

CONEY ISLAND

I asked the kids if they wanted to go back to the hotel or were they ready for some more fun? They opted for more fun so we hit the subway and headed for Coney Island instead of the movies. It was a long trip in transferring from the IRT to the Brooklyn-Manhattan Transit at 14th Street, the trains not too crowded at around 3 pm.

We took a ‘Sea Beach’ express to Coney Island, and worked our way to the front to see down the tunnel in the black steel ‘Standard’ cars, racing through the subway, taking the Manhattan Bridge route, the slow scenic climb looking at the skyline of Wall Street and the nearby Brooklyn Bridge, then into Brooklyn’s complex station at DeKalb Avenue, the slow jog to Pacific Street then the dash on the express tracks to 59th Street and the long climb up to the Sea Beach line in the open-air, concrete-lined ‘cut’ below ground level making the local stops all the way to Coney Island, the crowd thinning, and less formally dressed people getting on.

Coney Island and Luna Park were lit up beyond belief. The kids marveled at the swirling lights, the towers outlined in lights like a magic city. The crowds were in shirtsleeves, straw hats, more of the ordinary people. New York’s ‘summer resort’ for the subway crowd. It was like a fairyland, truly amazing compared to how it looks ‘today’ back in our time. Like a miniature, gaudy Disney World and Six Flags all rolled into one, besides the rides and carnival games, it had theaters, the Eskimo and German Villages, Trip to the North Pole, scenic railways and all kinds of attractions and exhibits. You name it, they had it, it seemed.

There were the magnificent amusement parks and the boardwalk with a real beach, all jammed onto this narrow strip of land. Smells of cotton candy, hot dogs, hamburgers, clams and boiling crab filled the air. The hot dogs were served split in hamburger buns, if you please. Jonathan and Lauren both had a mass of cotton candy.

We hit the rides. The kids did not want to take the Cyclone, the glorious old wooden rollercoaster, so we opted for the amazing ‘steeplechase’ instead. Since the 1890’s you could ride wooden ‘horses’ that straddled a raised track just like a monorail and race 3 other people like a mini-roller coaster. Jonathan took a horse and Lauren and I shared one. We had a great time, the kids whooping it up. It was kind of scary riding those horses, kind of like a train on elevated rails.

There was the ‘Shoot the Chutes’ that had actual sailors guiding the boats down the multiple log chutes. We had the most fun on the barrel roll, inside a rotating barrel, upending and impossible to maintain our dignity, along with a crowd of boys and their dates, turned upside down.

We really had fun on the spinning wheel, where it spins faster and faster until everybody is thrown off in a heap.

After three hours of this we had had it and the kids snoozed on the subway on the way back to the hotel. We took a Brighton line express which was quickest way back without a change of trains, leaving us at Times Square, two short and one long block away. The kids were dead to the world, each with a small stuffed doggie.

THE WESTSIDE COWBOYS

Wednesday morning, we visited the Ile De France, which after the Mauretania’s dark, traditional interiors, was jaw-droppingly modern. Nothing remained of a traditional interior, as if the designers were trying something new in every public room. I explained that designers in Europe, like the Bauhaus group in Germany, were on the cutting edge of modern design. Art Deco, keeping things as simple as possible, was quite a radical idea in the ‘20’s.

The kids as well as myself were awestruck at the radical interiors, indirect lighting and woods molded and bent into modern groups of columns. The 1st class dining room was ultra-modern and three stories high in the center, the walls and ceilings covered with rectangles of lights, the decorative fountains of glass and aluminum pipes as modern as anything in the 21st century. The dining room had, of course, the French Line’s traditional grand staircase entrance so any woman could make a grand entrance as if in a palace, the French the most indulgent where women were concerned. There was also the tall barroom that stretched the width of the ship behind the third funnel that looked a lot like the bridge. One of the chief attractions of foreign ships was legal alcohol. The Ile was described as the most popular ship of the ‘20’s.

“Is she the largest ship now?” Jonathan asked.

“No, the largest ships are still the old German ‘Big Three,’ Hamburg-Amerika Line’s three-funneled giants, bigger than Titanic, two of which entered service just before World War I and were in U.S. waters at the outbreak of the war. They were interned, later used as troop ships when the U.S. entered the war in 1917.”

“They were taken by the Allies after the war as compensation for ships lost to German torpedoes. The US kept the Vaterland, renamed Leviathan. (She was irreverently dubbed the ‘Levy Nathan’ by US troops during the war.) She was rebuilt to modern standards and sails as the only large U.S. liner. Thanks to Prohibition though, she isn’t popular. None of them are in the harbor now.”

We ran into the legendary Chief Purser, Henri Villar, in effect the hotel keeper, whose duty was the passenger’s welfare and who, it was said, had an amazing memory of all the latest scandals and affairs of the upper classes, so he could see that no passengers who might have quarrels be seated together.

I gave up trying to find a taxi by the piers so we decided to ‘hoof it’ northeast back to Penn Station where we were sure to get a cab. To do so, we had to walk through a bit of genteel Chelsea which soon gave way to the old notorious ‘Tenderloin’ district just south of the station. We crossed the New York Central’s freight tracks that ran down 10th Avenue’s cobblestoned street. The teeming tenements, filled with Jewish and Irish immigrants and their descendants, were among the roughest neighborhoods of New York, but by the Twenties had mellowed somewhat.

We walked briskly through the streets, looking up at the old five-story apartment houses with people leaning out the windows, talking to neighbors on floors above or below them.

“Oh Mrs. Goldboig!” I remember hearing one lady shout from her window. Older people sat around the old, ornate front steps, smoking and talking, looking somewhat shabby. Here and there a fashionable young woman walked briskly up the street heading for the El train on 9th Avenue.

Laundry and mattresses lined the old fire escapes, garbage piled in beat-up cans on the cobblestone streets, vendors and the old clothes man wandered the sidewalks crying their wares: “High cash clothes! High cash clothes!” the old clothes man shouted. A horse-drawn junk wagon sat on the street, the skinny horse with a straw hat, the old junk man sat contentedly smoking a pipe on his seat. The kids petted the old horse who seemed to enjoy the attention. The only thing missing from the old movie-like scene was an organ grinder and his monkey.

From an alley across 29th street, a baseball rolled out onto the street. Jonathan quickly ran after it into the street, grabbing it. I shouted at him for running out into the street without looking across to the other side, but he only smiled holding up the scruffy old baseball shouting:

“Look Lito!”

A couple of kids came running out of the alley, scruffily dressed in loose pants, sweatshirts, and big, droopy flat caps, looking kind of tough, not more than ten or twelve years old.

“Hey, give us back our baseball already!” they shouted at Jonathan who was tossing it up and down, not listening. They ran up to him, and the biggest one took a swing at Jonathan before I could get across to intervene, punching him right in the nose.

“Give it back, da baseball already!” he said in a ripe New York accent like one of the Bowery Boys.

Jonathan dropped the ball and put his hand to his nose in shocked surprise, but quickly recovered while the ball rolled away. Instead of crying, he remembered what I had taught him about fighting. When punched in the nose, don’t hold it, just sniff back the blood - the mark of a fighter who can take care of himself.

“Hey, I wasn’t gonna take your ball - why’d you hit me?” Jonathan said, in obvious pain.

“Aw, banana oil, you was too…”

Jonathan sniffed back the dribble of blood, and went into his Tae Kwan Do fighting stance, to the surprise of the kid who hit him, whose fists were raised in a regular boxing stance. His little gang gathered around, playground honor not allowing them to join the fight.

“Say… what kinda way is that ta’ fight, can’t ya box?” the kid said.

“Box?” Jonathan replied, “No man! Hiyaaaa!” Jonathan swinging his hands in a karate chop. “Don’t you know, martial arts? Tae Kwan Do? You know…Korean self-defense, kinda like Karate. Careful, I’m a black belt.”

“Black belt? Korean? Say… whatadya trying ta pull? I’ll give yez a belt awright… I could take youse wit one hand tied behind me back. What youse doin’ in our neighborhood, anyways?” he said as they kept milling around.

“Hey, sorry. Just walking back to our hotel, really, I wasn’t gonna take your ball, just having some fun…” Jonathan said, sniffing back the last bit of blood, ready to defend himself. The traffic cleared and I finally crossed the street with Lauren in tow.

“Just walkin’ back to your hotel?” the kid sneered mockingly. “You’ll have ta’ be carried back when I get done wit yez….”

“Patrick Murphy!” I heard one lady shout at him from a window, “Sure and I’m tellin’ your mither, ye better leave them other youngin’s be!”

I finally got to them.

“Hey, come on you guys, break it up! Sorry, just a misunderstanding. Jonathan, come on, apologize.”

“I did!” he replied, looking hurt.

“Yeah, OK,” the kid said, looking back at the lady in the window. “I’ll let youse off da hook dis time, see, cause you ain’t from da city….”

“Thanks,” I replied. “Say, aren’t you guys supposed to be in school?”

“Nah, we got time off for good behavior,” he said with a snicker at his little gang who were grinning mischievously. I gave them a hard look.

All this time some people gathered around to see the fun. One guy in a snappy suit with a big fedora shading his eyes stood very cocky with his hands in his pockets observing all with some amusement. He suddenly sauntered towards us, hitching up his pants, walking with a very familiar jaunty strut like he owned the street…no, it couldn’t be…..I thought to myself.

“So, you think you’re pretty tough, hey?” the man said to Pat in that familiar, under his breath, teeth-clenched voice.

“So, you thing you’re pretty tough, hey?”

“Uncle Jimmy!” Pat said suddenly smiling.

“What kind of a dirty trick was that, hittin’ that kid when he wasn’t lookin?” Uncle Jimmy said, giving Pat’s ear a painful twist and playfully slapping him on the back of his head.

“Awww, it wasn’t nuttin…..was it kid? We was just foolin around…” Pat looked at Jonathan imploring him silently.

“Sure,” Jonathan said, “We were just playing around……he just hit me a little too hard, that’s all….”

“Izzat so?” Uncle Jimmy said skeptically. “You guys better get back to school, see? Before the truant officer catches you. And you,” he said to Jonathan, “you should learn how to box, see? What’s with this oriental stuff…martial arts, Korean, Karate…? You his old man, I mean, father?” he said to me.

“No, grandfather…” I said and couldn’t keep back a smile, “Mr. Cagney…it’s a real pleasure to meet you,” I extended my hand.

He looked at me in a puzzled way, smiling. “Seems like I have a fan. Have you seen my show? ‘Women Go On Forever’ at the Forrest Theater?”

“No, not really,” I said, “Just know you from the theatrical news and such.”

“Gee, didn’t know I was that famous. Well, it’s a real pleasure to meet you Mr., uh?”

“Mike Mayer….”

“Sure, ‘tis a fine Irish name me boy,” he said grinning. “Just call me Jimmy, see?”

“Thanks!”

“Allright you kids, let’s shake hands.” Cagney ordered.

They all shook hands and Pat spoke up: “Say, let’s see some o’ dis Tae Kwan Do o’ youse… g’wan, take a punch at me, just for show, see?”

“OK… if you say so.” Jonathan said. He made as if to punch, then launched a swift kick at the kid’s leg before he could jump away, tripping him and knocking him to the ground.

The kid picked himself up. “Say, dat’s some kick…” he said, smiling. They tried a few more moves, the kid’s punches easily parried by Jonathan’s fast defense.

“Say, youse are alright! We could use a guy like you in our gang. We’re da Westside Cowboys, see? You ever need any help, just come on down to da neighborhood, we always hang out in dis alley, see?” the kid said, as his motley gang smiled proudly, one or two teeth missing from some of the kids’ smiles.

“Pretty fast work,” Cagney said. “Still you outta learn how to box.”

Lauren spoke up: “Lito, who is that?”

“That’s James Cagney, actor, dancer….” I said.

“Yeah,” he replied, “I’m just a hoofer on Broadway…”

“Hoofer means a dancer, Lauren,” I explained.

“You’re a dancer? Me too!” she said very pleased.

“Izzat so?” he said. “Here let me show you a few steps,” he said and then started a very skilled tap dance on the sidewalk, making it look like he was dancing on air. Everyone applauded, the kids grinning with pleasure.

“My wife and I have a dancing school uptown…” he mentioned.

“Mr. Cagney, it was a real pleasure, but we have to get going - we’re going to see ‘Good News’ at two….” I said.

“Yeah, getting late…you better be going…maybe I’ll see you around,” he said as we shook hands, and he patted the kids on the head.

Pat and his gang waved a very cool goodbye.

“Stop by anytime youse guys…” he said.

As we hurried away uptown to Penn Station to grab a taxi, I explained that James Cagney would become one of the most famous actors of all time, with his unique tough-guy voice.

“You’ve seen him in a few movies…”

The kids nodded.

GOOD NEWS

The taxi took us back to the hotel to meet ‘Dottie’ for the 2 o’clock matinee of ‘Good News.’ She was waiting in her typical wide-brimmed antiquated straw hat and slightly conservative wool skirt, with lots of her signature Cyphre perfume. She was very pretty. I forgot how short and petite she was. The kids greeted her with a peck on the cheek, her perfume strong.

“Lo, Dottie!” I said casually, smiling.

“My, aren’t we playing the Sheik today?” she admonished me for my overly familiar tone.

“Aww…just kidding - sorry - I should have said ‘Hello!’ properly.”

“Well… you’re forgiven,” she said smiling.

“It really is an honor….” I said earnestly.

“Rubbish! You’re amusing and I’m just bored to tears with the same crowd… come on, let’s walk!” she said briskly.

She set a fast pace, and she asked me, how was my wife?

“She’s wonderful, a Director of Sales… in radio, mainly South America and Mexico, so she travels a lot.”

“Really?” said Dottie with interest. “I like that, an independent woman. That’s why you’re here, not with her then?”

“Something like that…but mainly to show my grandkids New York and the wider world.”

“We’re from the future!” Jonathan jumped in with a grin.

Lauren nodded, smiling.

“Really? So when in the future did you come from?” Dottie asked playfully.

“2011!” Jonathan said as I glared at him.

“And what’s the future like then?” she asked indulgently.

“It’s great, we have TV, DVDs and iPods for music and we can fly in jet planes anywhere and they have the space shuttle … ”

“Tee Vee, Deeveedee, Eye-pods?” she asked.

“He has a great imagination,” I said trying to save the situation, “You know, like H.G. Wells (the famous science fiction writer)?”

“Hmm, yes,” she said with a puzzled look. “What’s Tee Vee, Jonathan?” she asked.

“Its Television, a hundred channels… ” he said excitedly.

“Oh yes, moving pictures over the airwaves, I’ve heard about that. I’m sure by 1960 everybody will have one, as well as a car and an airplane? The way things are going I dare say by the end of the century we’ll have colonies on Mars,” she said laughing.

“Well, it’s not that good,” I said, winking, as if I was playing along with the game, “I’m trying to write a story about the future.”

“Oh no!” Dottie said skeptically, “Not ANOTHER budding author?… At least TRY to be original…”

I continued. “In it we WILL make staggering technological progress: super-highways, all-metal pressurized jet planes….”

“Jet planes?” Dottie asked.

“Yeah, instead of propellers, turbines powered by kerosene.”

“Oh..like the liners..gotcha!”

“Anyway,” I continued, “They’ll carry hundreds of people flying the oceans at 600 mph, rockets to the moon by 1969. A small lump of Uranium, like Radium, called atomic power, can light a city or power a ship across the ocean or can wipe out a city like New York with a single bomb.”

“Uh-huh, go on,” she said.

“Sure, by the end of the century, machines called computers will revolutionize communications. You’ll be able to shop and bank from home and communicate, even chat, with people all over the world from a lighted screen using a network called the internet as well as write documents and letters electronically with automatic spell-correction. There will be cigarette-pack-sized music players with thousands of songs and videos and movies; pocket-size portable wireless phones, including ‘smart’ phones that can do all that, take pictures and access the internet as well. Lasers, like light rays, will read and ‘burn’ disks that can hold mountains of data, movies, music and pictures. There will even be a device the size of your pinkie that can store all that too that you just plug into your computer.”

“Hmmm,” Dottie said unimpressed. “Technological progress. Imagine, a self-correcting typewriter, I mean, a what did you call it, a computer?” She smiled at that. “All very fine - but how does the world improve in your little fantasy? I’d imagine in such a world where people can talk to each other in different countries, war would be a thing of the past?”

“You would think,” I replied.

“We use computers, Dottie…” Lauren said quietly.

“So in your story about the future, I suppose we’ll have colonies in space, on Mars and all that?” Dottie said. “The same old tiresome, wildly optimistic Jules Verne- or Edgar Rice Burroughs-style predictions?”

“Well, after a few moon landings, space exploration will stop, just un-manned probes and robot cameras sent to Mars and to explore the stars…”

“You can’t be serious? You couldn’t ask anyone to believe that after landing on the moon, when did you say, 1969? They wouldn’t try to go to Mars a few years later? Exploration just stop because of money? Mind you…..wouldn’t be a bit surprised myself,” Dottie said smiling slyly, “Sounds like the usual government half-baked efforts - too realistic by half! Still, that doesn’t make for much of a story…I hope you don’t plan to try and get that published. No one would believe progress would just stop!”

“Well, it’s expensive and the government is tight with money….” I said.

“Ha!” she said. “You’ll have a hard time convincing anyone we’d have ANOTHER president as narrow-minded as Coolidge!” Dottie said beginning to smile.

“He’s not so bad,” I said thinking about George W.

“I’m beginning to think that you are more of a realist than you pretend.”

“Right,” I said. “People don’t change that much - that’s the problem with predictions about the future,” I explained. “You can bet that good-old economics and greed will work against the advancement of mankind and the old prejudices and hatreds will see to it that poverty and ignorance will only gradually be defeated. There will be great leaders, and Blacks, I mean, Negroes will get their equal rights by the ’60’s, but, sadly, Americans will continue to celebrate the mediocre and all too often elect morons to public office.”

“Ah, something of a cynic after all, Mr. Mayer…?” she said.

“No, I’m actually a wide-eyed optimist and no claims to fame distinguish me, my talents are not many…” paraphrasing her 1921 poem about her dog.

She cracked a smile: “Hmm… a cynic and a smart-ass….”

“Jonathan brought his iPod with him Lito…” Lauren chimed in. Dottie looked at her laughing.

“I love these kids, such imagination,” she said. Thankfully, we soon arrived at the theater and Dottie proffered her passes.

“We’re giving the show the acid test,” she quipped to the usher as he showed us to the box seats.

“Here you go, Mrs. Parker!” he said cheerfully.

Two well dressed older ladies standing outside their box gave Dottie a long look, and one, peering at her through her hand-held lorgnette asked her, “Excuse me, but aren’t you THE Dorothy Parker?”

“Yes… do you mind?!” Dottie replied a little irritated, rolling her eyes at us.

The lady turned away in a huff. “Well… I never!”

Jonathan snickered.

The show was a wow! Lots of great 1920’s music, a large chorus, lots of dancing, songs like ‘Button up Your Overcoat,’ ‘The Best Things in Life are Free’ and the immortal ‘Varsity Drag.’

The story was a reliable college scenario where the football hero has to pass exams to play in the big game and while he has his pick of girls on campus, he falls for the, at first, mousy student librarian who has to be his tutor. The show ran for two years and became one of the most popular hits on Broadway.

The kids grew bored and a bit cranky but sat through the show. I bought them snacks at intermission. Lauren admired the ladies’ costumes and so did Jonathan.

“Dottie, is this what it’s like in college here?” Jonathan asked.

“Something like that,” she said with a sly smile.

“Please don’t mention the debutants at Brandeis, OK?” I pleaded.

She broke into a wide grin and laughed.

Dottie sat through the show smiling occasionally, very serious most of the time, looking thoughtful. When it was over, she asked me if we liked it. I said that I couldn’t thank her enough for the tickets, and the show was thoroughly enjoyable…. She looked at me with a crooked smile, I was expecting one of her scathing comments, but all she said was:

“It was rather fun, wasn’t it?”

I nodded, the kids were grinning.

“Sometimes it’s necessary to just relax and enjoy the ride,” I told her.

She smiled at that.

SPEAK EASILY

“I shall be looking forward to your comments in the New Yorker. I don’t know how to thank you,” I confessed as we walked away from the theater into early dusk, rush hour swirling around us.

“Well, you could put me in touch with my two favorite gentlemen… ” she said with a sly grin, “Misters Haig & Haig.”

“Dottie, I’d love to, but the kids… how can I take them to a Speak?”

She grinned, “Not just a ‘Speak,’ but Jack and Charlie’s, the Puncheon Club. It’s an exclusive place, only friends of friends. Besides, I’m a regular, why I even bring my doggie there or at Tony Soma’s. Can’t have you visit New York from the wilds of… Minnesota, is it?… and not enjoy the hospitality of our fair city. Besides, it’s your nickel.”

“I don’t know… ” I said apprehensively.

“Don’t be silly, it’s not only a ‘Speak,’ it’s also a decent restaurant and they have wonderful ice cream sundaes there. Nobody comes for serious drinking until much later… ” she replied. “Besides, there’s somebody I know you’d love to meet. You kiddies like some ice cream?”

The kids grinned and nodded.

“You have a doggie?” Lauren asked her.

“Yes, a simply darling Boston Terrier, Woodrow Wilson, remember, under the table at lunch the other day?”

Lauren nodded, giggling.

We headed north to 49th Street just off 6th Avenue, where Rockefeller Center should be. Everything looked wrong to me, the old El, the ordinary buildings.

She looked at me, “What’s wrong? You look lost….”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I was expecting a huge series of skyscrapers here… ”

She looked at me narrowly. “Part of your future time, then?”

“Guess so.”

We turned into a stairway leading to ornate iron gates. She rang the bell, a man opened the peephole, then opened the gate and ushered us inside.

“Is this a speak-easy?” Jonathan asked innocently.

“Well, yes it is,” she said looking at me.

“Say, pretty well informed for a little kid, isn’t he?” giving me a hard look. I shrugged my shoulders with a sheepish grin.

“Are we going to meet a gangster?” Lauren asked with a smile as we were ushered inside.

“No, not here…but somebody even better,” she said, in a stage whisper. “It’s a surprise!”

It was an innocent-looking restaurant, almost empty, with a stage and a place for a band. Sitting at a table was a young man, slouching in his chair and I could not mistake that boyish face anywhere.

“Mike, meet Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald,” Dottie said triumphantly.

There he was, looking like a lost boy with those innocent green eyes, getting up from his chair to greet us. F. Scott Fitzgerald himself! One of the most famous authors of all time!

He gave Dottie a kiss on the cheek, playfully tousling Jonathan’s hair and patting Lauren on her head saying, “Hello there, kids…” and then he shook hands with me. “Mike, is it? Just call me Scottie. Meased to pleat you,” he said with a sudden grin.

“The pleasure is all mine, uh, Scottie?” I said nervously.

“Has Dottie been treating you right or giving you the business?” he asked, cracking a big smile. She gave him a look of pure hate, as he laughed and patted me on the back.

“She’s been wonderful. I’m completely at a loss as to how to thank her. It’s such an honor to meet you all,” I said, meaning it.

“Thanks,” he said, “How do you know each other then?” he asked.

“I can’t resist picking up stray puppies, don’t you know?” Dottie said very cool.

She ordered two sundaes for the kids with lots of hot fudge and three whiskey sours.

“No skimping on the cherries, either,” she cautioned the waiter. I bought the first round.

“Lito, who’s this?” Jonathan asked. Lauren smiled shyly at Scott.

“Kids, he’s one of the most famous writers in America, the author who practically coined the term the Jazz Age. His books are often required reading in high school.”

Scott gave us a big grin. Dottie looked at me strangely.

“Must be a pretty fast high school,” Dottie said. “Those books are usually not the sort of thing parents want their kids to be reading….that must be from your time.”

She explained to Scott about my ‘fantasy’ about the future, and he asked if I was a writer too. I said I dabbled a bit, then Lauren jumped in and said that she can write too. Jonathan said she couldn’t write much, and he was better at spelling.

“I’m sure you’re wonderful at spelling, Scottie is simply atrocious!” Dottie said with a big smile, since he had been criticized about that in his early writings.

‘Scottie’ was surprisingly down to earth and genuinely pleased to learn that we were fellow Minnesotans. He told Lauren that he had a little girl too, just about her age. Here was a guy that defined the phrase ‘Party like a Rock Star’ in his world and in his books; he and his crowd made the ’20’s roar, and yet he was quite pleasant with us. I explained to the kids that he and his wife Zelda, when they lived on Long Island in a rented estate among the wealthy in Great Neck, used to hold huge dinner-dances outside under lights along with their newly rich neighbors. Strangers used to crash these parties on a regular basis. ‘The Great Gatsby,’ his latest novel, was based on those experiences.

I couldn’t believe my luck, sitting here with THE F. Scott Fitzgerald! Literature professors would almost give their souls for this opportunity to chat with him. It was like a dream, and the thought occurred to me that when Jonathan or Lauren needed to write a paper for school, they could travel back in time and perhaps actually talk with the historical figure in person, with a little luck.

We had some dinner and it was fascinating to hear Scott, after a few cocktails, talk frankly about his problems with his wife, Zelda and money issues. I mentioned that it was said that he borrowed heavily from Zelda’s diary in his earlier novels and he allowed that was true, after all she was his model for many of his female characters, they practically coined the term ‘Flapper.’

He and Dottie were old friends. Dottie said he was concerned that sales of ‘The Great Gatsby’ were disappointing despite a successful run as a play on Broadway last year.

I couldn’t resist chiming in, “You know, in the long run, it will probably be considered your greatest work and be wildly successful.”

Dottie’s eyes narrowed as she gave me a hard look. “Since you seem to know so much about the future, have any tips on the stock market?”

“Yeah,” I said theatrically, putting my hand over my brow, “Karnak the Great predicts yes, get in, have fun but leave the party early to avoid the worst hangover in history, before October, 1929.”

“Well, we’re pretty familiar with hangovers,” Dottie said laughing.

“Are we gonna be raided?” Jonathan asked with a mischievous smile.

“Raided?” Scott said surprised. “Jack & Charlie’s? I hardly think so but it might be fun for a change.” Dottie frowned at him.

“You and your ideas of fun! Honestly, if you could only learn to save some money….”

“Ah…alas!” Scott said theatrically, “We’re too poor to economize. Extravagance is our only salvation.”

“My poor little genius!” Dottie said tenderly touching his arm.

It was growing late and I had to take the kids home to bed. They bid us goodbye, Scott giving me a big pat on the back.

“Nice meeting you, old man, sorry you can’t stay, gonna be a pretty good party… ”

I reluctantly bade them goodbye, walking on air, and started to leave. It couldn’t have been a better evening.

Walking up to the street, I bumped elbows with a big man in a coat and flat cap.

“ ‘Scuse me,” he said.

Something about the brief glimpse I had of his face….that big flat nose. As we walked away, it dawned on me.

“Hey kids!! That was the Babe!”

“Babe, Lito? That was a man… ” Jonathan objected.

“No, no, George Herman ‘Babe’ Ruth, that’s who we are going to see play tomorrow and Friday.”

“Who?!”

“Who?!” I said, “Just THE most famous baseball player of all time, that’s who! The Home Run King, the Sultan of Swat they call him.”

“Is THAT really him?” Jonathan asked. “He looks kinda fat…”

“Well, he’s not really fat - just a big athlete,” I explained. “He drinks, parties and can eat a dozen hot dogs at one time. His big thing is his bat. He can really slug that ball like nobody else. His record of 60 home runs in a single season will stand for 34 more years, and then be beat by only one, and THAT in a longer season with more games. It will not be beaten again until the next century. In the 1932 World Series, with two balls and two strikes against him, while being heckled, he’ll call his shot, pointing to center field and wallop a home run out of Wrigley Field right where he pointed. He will be the first man to ever hit a ball out of the park in Pittsburgh, many years from now when he is past his prime. No, there is nobody like the Babe, the Bambino. Babe Ruth is truly a legend.”

“We’re gonna see him play?” Lauren said.

“Yep, tomorrow afternoon at Yankee Stadium, but first we’ll visit some navy ships. The Atlantic Fleet is in. My father used to tell me how he used to watch and sometimes visit the battleships as they swung at anchor in the Hudson River when he lived high up above in Washington Heights.”

“Will your Dad be there, Lito?” Jonathan asked.

“No, he’s a boy living in Trenton, remember we passed though on the engine?”

“Yeah.”

BRUNO THE BEAR

Next morning, Thursday, we headed up to northern Manhattan to the fleet landing at 96th street on the 9th Avenue elevated line, taking a 6th Avenue thru-train to 93rd Street. A magnificent vista was spread out before us. The fleet was at anchor in the wide river, the distant cliffs of New Jersey in the background. A few massive battleships most with their towering cage masts, some lean four-funneled scout cruisers and good-old ‘four-piper’ destroyers (with four funnels) were decked out in flags and crews were standing at attention in dress whites.

I remembered from the Times that two Japanese training cruisers were here on a goodwill visit. Sure enough, the two cruisers with three, tall old-fashioned smokestacks were anchored alongside the U.S. flagship, the battleship Arkansas, bristling with her main battery of twelve, 12-inch diameter cannons in six twin gun turrets, looking long and lean. Some ceremony was taking place, the flashing of swords and the distant thumping of a navy band could be heard out on the river. A small crowd gathered with us to watch.

I explained to the kids what was going on.

“Can we go visit the ships, Lito?” Lauren asked.

“Yeah, let’s go see them.” Jonathan said.

“Sure, after the ceremonies are over,” I said. It was a cool, sunny morning. After about a half hour, around 10 am, it was over. We could see the Japanese delegation leaving the Arkansas being piped over the side, the honors being accorded with the boom of the saluting guns.

After a short time, the launches from various ships landed sailors on shore leave, and were picking up visitors under each ship’s banner. We headed for the battleship New York’s launch, as it still had some empty places.

We got underway, briskly speeding out to the mighty ship with her lean profile and modern tripod masts.

“This is fuuuun!” Jonathan laughed. We sped by the two old Japanese cruisers with their tall, old-fashioned funnels.

“They look old, Lito,” Jonathan shouted over the roar of the boats engine.

“Yes, they are, both built in 1899, the Iwate and Asama,” I shouted into his ear. “They fought in the battle of Tsushima, where the Japanese sunk most of the Russian navy in 1905; they are just training ships now.”

USS New York

Courtesy Navsource.org National Archives # 80-G-423350

The skilled Coxswain made a sharp turn and swung the launch in a sweeping turn, landing the boat smartly on the starboard side of the New York’s armored flank. The boat’s crew helped the visitors out of the bobbing launch onto the battleship’s teakwood boat stairs. With some difficulty, we made it out of the boat, the sailors swinging the kids up.

We got on deck just below the short mainmast, shoehorned between center and the rear or ‘after’ gun turrets. The long, massive 14-inch diameter guns looked menacing even at rest, decorative brass tampions plugging the gun’s barrels to keep out moisture. We were right by the muzzles of the middle turret and its aircraft catapult with two bi-planes. I pointed out that she had a main battery of 10 14-inchers in five turrets. They could shoot a shell that weighed as much as a car 20 miles. The kids were really impressed.

A tough-looking, square-jawed Chief Petty Officer, (I explained that they were like Sergeants in the army) asked us if we’d like to see inside the gun turret? We had to walk along the center turret until we reached the low overhang on its rear.

He pointed to an open hatch. “Climb under and up that hatch.”

The kids were a little nervous but followed me up the narrow hatch which led to a small triangular entry room with two steel doors leading to each side of the turret which was divided by an armored partition. We entered the port or left side. The turret which looked so big from the outside, was very narrow inside. I pointed out that the steel sides were over a foot thick. The huge gun took up most of the space inside, along with the shell hoist, that would bring up ammunition from far below in the armored handling room. The gun’s massive breach was open. The barrel was so wide that Jonathan could easily fit inside.

I asked the gunner about the ‘computer.’ Jonathan started to grin at what he thought was a joke but to his surprise, the gunner explained about the gunnery computer way down below that calculated just how to aim and when to shoot the guns. It was a big mechanical computer that gunners had been using since the First World War, because hitting a distant moving target from a moving and rolling ship is almost impossible without a computer.

We thanked him and got out, glad to be outside, and toured the rest of the ship. She had been modernized just this year, I told them.

Coming down from the bridge we saw on the bow, just in front of the forward turrets, a small crowd gathered around some sailors including two young Japanese officers in their severe black uniforms. We made our way through and saw a black bear cub doing simple tricks, then drinking from a bottle.

“Look, it’s a bear!” Jonathan said.

“He’s Bruno the Bear, our ship’s mascot,” one of the sailors replied with a measure of pride. “Ain’t he the berries?”

“He’s cute!” Lauren said.

“Can we pet him?” Jonathan asked.

“Sure, but nice and gentle like, see?” the sailor replied. Jonathan was a little nervous but soon was petting him as was Lauren and some of the other kids as well. Bruno loved all the attention.

Bruno the Bear - mascot of the USS New York

Photo courtesy Jon Burdett and Navsource.org

“Lito, what will happen to this ship?” Jonathan asked with a worried look, still petting Bruno.

“Well, she’ll give a bully account of herself in any battle…” I said for the benefit of the sailors and visitors gathered around Bruno.

The sailors grinned, one of them said, “You bet she will!”

I took the kids aside out of earshot and told them that the New York, the ‘Grand Old Lady of the Fleet,’ was really too old for the Second World War. She’d fight in both the Atlantic, where she will slug it out with shore batteries, knocking them out and providing covering fire for the invasion of North Africa in 1942, and later in the Pacific on bombardment missions, providing pinpoint artillery support to Marines on Iwo Jima and Okinawa.

Her 14-inch guns would destroy enemy strong points, like Shuri Castle in Okinawa. She would end up as a target for atomic bomb tests along with other battleships. She’d survive two atomic bombs and have to be sunk by gunfire later on.

“She’s a tough old ship,” I told them.

“What about Bruno?” Lauren asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about him, I’m sure he’ll end up in a zoo long before the war starts,” I said laughing.

“This battleship didn’t do very much, did she?” Jonathan asked.

“Well, a navy ship or any weapon does its job best when it is not used.”

“Huh?” Jonathan said puzzled.

“Weapons are best used to keep the peace, not to fight a war. Remember what your favorite president, Teddy Roosevelt said, “Speak softly but carry a big stick?” I reminded him.

“Yeah!!” Jonathan said.

“Carry a big stick and enemies will think twice about tangling with you. Right?”

“Right!” the kids said.

We walked past the two Japanese officers talking between themselves. One of them said, “Dinosaur,” playfully slapping the forward gun turret. Since I could speak some Japanese I couldn’t resist joining the conversation. I said in Japanese:

“Excuse me, dinosaurs may be out-dated but still dangerous, no?” with a big smile. The two young officers’ eyes widened in astonishment. The older of the two said I spoke excellent Japanese, and the usual game of polite denials began, “No, please excuse my very poor Japanese,” and so on. The kids looked on puzzled.

The older officer, whose friend called him Tora-san, spoke some English and we managed to communicate. They smiled and greeted Jonathan and Lauren with a slight bow and handshake. Jonathan, seeing that he was Asian, went into his Tae Kwan Do fighting stance. Both officers grinned. Tora-san asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up? Jonathan said he wanted to be a Ninja. They both exclaimed, how marvelous!

“Ninja!! So desu ne?”

Jonathan tried a couple of kicks and they applauded with big smiles, praising his skill. Tora-san said that Lauren was very pretty, and patted her head.

She smiled shyly.

Courtesy: Jon Parshall (Author: ‘Shattered Sword’)

They were both Midshipmen, officers-in-training, from the Iwate. Tora-san said that he was training as a pilot and believed that the airplane made battleships ‘obsolete.’ I agreed that airpower would be the future of naval warfare, but that there would always be a place for the battleships. I explained to the kids that both Japan and the United States each had an experimental aircraft carrier, Hosho and Langley, but each also had two large, modern aircraft carriers. Ours would be commissioned in November, Saratoga and Lexington. Japan had Akagi and Kaga. Tora-san looked surprised that I knew about them.

“Both ours and the Japanese carriers were converted from battle cruisers and/or battleships that were never completed due to a naval treaty limiting the number of ships each nation could have after the war.”

Tora-san picked up most of my explanation and nodded agreement.

“Are we going to fight them, Lito?” Jonathan asked innocently.

“Jonathan!! They are our friends,” I told him. “They were our allies in the First World War….”

Tora-san smiled at his question then raised his eyebrows, puzzled, “First World War?” he asked. (It was always referred to as The Great War in the 1920’s). Covering my lapse, I said that it was the first war that was global. He seemed satisfied with that.

I explained to the kids that ‘The Great War’ was so terrible that no nation would ever again start another war, it was called the ‘war to end wars.’

“They have a ‘League of Nations’ in Geneva, Switzerland now where nations can talk out their differences instead of fighting,” I explained to the kids.

Tora-san was smiling and said: “Except America…not in League, ne?”

“Yes that’s right kids, the United States did not join the League after the war, we turned our back on the world, a very big mistake.”

Tora-san grunted agreement. (I had to be careful about knowledge of the future!) He asked if I was with the Navy in any way.

“Just a civilian,” I explained.

I asked him if he was going to the Yankee’s game today, the pennant race against the Washington Senators, with the rest of the Japanese officers? He nodded and said they would have to leave soon. Perhaps he’d see us at the ballpark? I said I hoped so.

“Come on kids, lets go to the ball game today, game starts around 3 pm.”

THE HOUSE THAT RUTH BUILT & MURDERERS ROW

We all caught one of the launches back to shore saying goodbye to our Japanese friends. They went off to join their companions who were boarding a bus to Yankee Stadium as a group, guests of the management. Lauren asked what does ‘san’ mean after Japanese names?

“It means honorable, it is polite to add it. If they want to be rude, they don’t add it see?”

We ‘hoofed’ it to Columbus Avenue to catch a 9th Avenue Elevated local which would get us to Yankee Stadium. It was cool to ride the old wooden cars over ‘suicide curve’ where the line snakes east at 110th Street high above the street, to Anderson Ave, just north of the stadium.

It looked strange to see the stadium, new in 1923, not surrounded by buildings but somewhat desolate in the midst of open fields. We trudged through the vacant lots to the main entrance. It did not look crowded, in fact, according to the NY Times report the next day, only just over 7000 people attended the game. Night baseball had not yet been invented, most games were in the afternoon, weekday or no.

We had no trouble getting excellent seats a few rows up behind home plate at the steep price of $1.10 each, right next to the group of Japanese officers sitting stiffly in their seats, including Tora-san who waved at us. I explained to the kids that the right-field ‘bleachers’ or uncovered bargain seats were full. That was where Babe Ruth normally walloped his home runs, and many a person hoped to get one of his baseballs as a prized souvenir.

It was an amazing piece of Americana, here we were in Yankee Stadium in the salad days of baseball.

“Kids, we are about to watch some of America’s greatest athletes, the Babe, first baseman Lou Gehrig, probably the best all-around baseball player ever, part of ‘Murderer’s Row ……”

“Murderer’s Row? What’s that?” they asked.

“Probably one of the most fearsome offenses in the history of baseball,” I told them, “The Yankee’s top batters: Earl Combs, Mark Koenig, Babe Ruth, Larrupin’ Lou Gehrig, Bob Meusel and Tony Lazzeri in that order. If a pitcher was lucky enough to strike out Ruth, he’d still have to face Gehrig. 1927 was one of their best years after losing the series in 1926 to the St. Louis Cardinals, who also had a fantastic hitter, ‘Rajah’ Roger Hornsby. He got more base hits, though not home runs, than just about anybody, even Ruth.”

“Probably an even better offense was the 1919 Chicago ‘Black Sox,’” I explained enthusiastically.

“Black Sox?” Lauren asked.

“Ah, one of the greatest tragedies in sports. Gamblers tried to ‘fix’ the 1919 World Series, getting some of the Chicago White Sox players to take money to ‘throw’ the games. How’s that for gall? When a team or player is expected to win, a gambler can win a lot more money betting against them rather than on them. Gambling like that is illegal anyway, mainly gangsters do it.”

“The 1919 White Sox were probably the finest baseball team to ever take the field so they were a cinch to win the Series. The gamblers wanted to pay them to lose because they could make so much more money betting on the other team… it all fell apart, and the players’ reputations never recovered, although proven innocent. We’ll never know how well they could have played.”

“Can we see them play?” Lauren asked innocently.

“You may have an interesting idea, it would be great to watch them win the pennant at least, let’s see - we have so much time tripping to do.”

The game started at 3:30 pm. I was thrilled to be HERE! It was wonderful! People of every stripe, lots of straw skimmer hats, a few women, but mostly men in the crowd, the cries of the vendors:

“Peanuts! Getcha hot peanuts!! Hot dogs! Getcha Red Hots!”

We each got a bag of hot steaming peanuts, and cokes (no beer was available, of course). The hot dogs were marvelous (nothing like a Bronx hot dog, lemme tell ya’!) old-fashioned dogs, tied together on the ends. The vendor had his mustard pot, brushing each dog with a generous swath of mustard, no ketchup available (I had to apologize to Lauren about that bit). They burst open with scalding juice at first bite, as a good dog should. You can keep your caviar…

The first inning, with two strikes against him, Ruth hit one off Senator pitcher Horace Lisenbee, a low line drive into the right field bleachers. The crowd was on its feet, roaring. A big guy next to us in a light suit and straw boater smacked me on the shoulders with his newspaper:

“That makes number 58! Yea!!!!”

The Babe took his turn around the bases, surprisingly agile, as he was in right field running to catch a fly ball.

In front of us were a couple of cool customers, one in a Derby hat with a big flower in his lapel that said ‘gangster’ with two likely-looking ‘assistants’ that looked like they could take care of themselves. Like a cliché’ from a B-Movie a very beautiful girl in a white fur wrap and matching cloche hat, dripping with diamonds, was also sitting next to ‘Derby Hat’ and the only one applauding. ‘Derby Hat’ wasn’t applauding but muttering to one of his ‘boys’ who was taking it down. I whispered to the kids to take a good look, that those guys may be gangsters down front. They both looked at the group with evident satisfaction.

“That really a gangster?” Jonathan asked wide-eyed.

“Could be, maybe just a gambler….”

“Cool!”

Second inning, the Babe hit a line drive for a triple, almost a home run. The Senators gave as good as they got in the beginning, a home run by Reeves in the second inning. They also got one in the fifth. Then the Yankees did it again in the fifth inning. With bases loaded, Senator pitcher Paul Hopkins threw the ball that the Bambino socked high into the right field bleachers, driving in 4 runs, majestically tagging the bases, shaking hands with Gehrig waiting next at bat. The crowd went wild, my neighbor almost beat me to death with his paper, beside himself, crying

“That’s fifty-nine!! Fifty-NINE!!!! Tied his 1921 record!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah!!”

“That’s fifty-nine!! Fifty-NINE!!!!”

The Japanese officers, who earlier had lost their cool and got up to chase a foul ball, one holding it in grinning triumph, were cheering wildly, the people in the bleachers going crazy. The kids were jumping with the excitement. That called for another hot dog. I was choking back tears of joy, not believing I was REALLY here and would be here tomorrow too. Only ‘Derby Hat’ was not jumping up and down, just politely applauding, his ‘girl’ though was going crazy like the rest of the crowd.

The rest of the game was an anti-climax, the Yankees smoking the Senators 15-4. The crowd held their breath each time Ruth stepped up to the plate anxious that the Babe would sock one more to break his all-time record. Only Gehrig came close in homers, with 46 that year. There had been a home-run derby of sorts earlier in the season, until it was clear the Sultan of Swat was way ahead of Larrupin’ Lou. Well, Ruth would have to wait until tomorrow.

“Will he hit his 60th home run tomorrow?” Lauren asked.

“I hope so, since we are going to the Yankee’s game tomorrow as well.”

“You said he hit 60, Lito.” Jonathan said.

“It’s true, but let’s see.”

The man in the light suit who had torn his newspaper smacking my shoulder with it in excitement overheard us:

“Oh, he’ll hit his 60th tomorrow or Saturday, you can bet he will, everyone’s counting on it!” he said with enthusiasm. “The smart money is on Ruth, a lot of people have money down that he will…oh, sorry, your kids,” he said apologetically.

“Yeah,” I told him “Gambling huh? Nice example for them.”

“Sorry buddy,” he said.

The game was over and the crowd was getting up, Tora-san came over and wished us a good day, enthusiastic about the game, could not get over Ruth’s home runs. I asked him if he had to go back to the ship? He said he had shore leave until Saturday…

“Say kids, you wanted to go to the movies?” I asked.

They nodded, “Yeah, let’s go see a movie!” Jonathan said.

I asked Tora-san if he wouldn’t see a movie with us: “Eiga to issho O mi ni ikimasen ka?” He looked a bit surprised then said, why not? He thanked me….etc. I asked my neighbor if I could borrow his beat-up NY Times? He sheepishly gave me the whole paper. I found the very tiny movie and theatre section, actually little more than half a page with tiny notices of shows and show times.

The Roxy was playing ‘The Loves of Carmen,’ not suitable, as much as I wanted the kids to see the immense golden palace, for that’s what it was, mind-boggling opulence. At the Times Square Theater, was ‘Sunrise’ and, yes, a couple of short subjects, including a speech by none other than Italian Dictator, Benito Mussolini (Benny the Moose) who was held in some high regard at the time - with SOUND! It used the Fox Movietone process, a very early sound-on-film technique that involved filming the actual sound waves and etching them on the side of the film - very advanced stuff….so ‘The Jazz Singer’ that would be released in November was NOT the first sound film after all, even though it was the movie that really popularized sound films or ‘talkies.’

‘Wings’ with Clara Bow (the It Girl - the ultimate flapper) which will win the first Academy Award (Oscar) as best picture was playing at the Criterion, right around the corner from the ‘Gonk. Twice daily, with one evening performance at 8:30pm - too late for the kids. We settled on ‘The Big Parade’ at 7:30pm with John Gilbert, just slightly less popular than Rudolph Valentino who died the previous year. It was playing at the Capitol on 51st and Broadway. We could just make it if we left now. It was 6 pm.

With Tora-san in tow, just behind Derby Hat with his girl and ‘the boys’ in front of us, we worked our way through the crowd. Of all people, we ran into columnist and baseball enthusiast FPA (Franklin Pierce Adams) of the Round Table, chewing an unlit cigar on his way out of the press box and he recognized us. He mentioned that Ruth would be at a party at Jack and Charlie’s tonight, where we had met F. Scott Fitzgerald and if we liked, we could stop by as his guests, so the kids could maybe get his autograph…but after nine o’clock. I thanked him and said that maybe we would - that would give us time to see the movie.

“Gotta go, story to file. Maybe I’ll see you tonight - after 9:00, OK?” he grunted and pushed his way out of the crowd. I noticed Derby Hat had stopped walking and was apparently listening in. In the rush, FPA didn’t appear to notice. Didn’t see what harm it could do anyway.

“Can we go?” Jonathan said.

“We’ll see…it’s kinda too late,” I said as he frowned. It really was too good to resist, though. I wondered what kind of trouble Tora-san could get into if the speakeasy was raided?

We elbowed our way out leading Tora-san and walked to the Interborough Rapid Transit’s 161st Street elevated station. We packed onto a downtown local with the elated baseball fans, diving underground in the old manner on the three-track line as it becomes the subway, changing at the next stop 149th street for a crowded 7th Avenue Express downstairs that jogged underneath Manhattan making a number of stops until joining up with the Broadway line. We dashed along on the express tracks to 72nd Street where we changed for a local to take us to 50th Street and Broadway. The kids, almost buried by the rush-hour crowd couldn’t help laughing. Tora-san drew a lot of stares from the crowd in his black uniform, hanging onto the leather straps like a good New Yorker would.

Tora-san was very impressed by the subway, narrow and crowded though it was. He said they were building a line in Tokyo.

“Yes, out of Asakusa to Ginza, right?”

He nodded. “So yo!” he said.

We got there in only 40 minutes so we had some time. The kids were full of hot dogs and peanuts so nobody was hungry. 50th Street station was so familiar to me, my parents and I used it all the time on our trips to New York staying nearby.

We got to the theater early and I was momentarily shocked to realize that all seats were reserved in advance just like legitimate theater. Luckily they had plenty of seats available for the 7:30 pm show as it was a weekday night. The girl in the box office gave a big smile to the rather handsome Tora-san. The theater was beautiful with a glittering lobby of white marble and a sweeping marble staircase.

“This is like a palace, Lito!” Lauren said.

We took balcony seats, and there was a huge crystal chandelier above the audience.

The show opened with a newsreel of events of the world, including footage from today’s Yankee game (I was shocked at how quickly they processed and rushed the film into the theaters!) then some ads, a cartoon, a short comedy with baby-faced Harry Langdon then the main feature, King Vidor’s ‘The Big Parade,’ advertised as held over. It had been playing for over a year, and there was still demand for this marvelous World War One movie.

It is still an impressive picture. The three men from different backgrounds, joining up and going to France to fight, John Gilbert flirting with and falling in love with the French girl, Rene Adoree, as she learns to chew gum and the classic scene where she is tearfully chasing the truck of soldiers as it takes John away from her to the battle, trying to keep hold of his hand, and falling behind.

The most dramatic scene is the fresh American soldiers advancing quietly through mysterious, undisturbed woods against a concealed enemy. The accompanying organ score plays music that mimics the tramping of feet, and loud bangs representing the German shells begin to take down the advancing Americans one by one. Even the kids enjoyed it; they could read the titles. Tora-san’s face was impassive but you could tell he enjoyed the realism. The movie was very moving, no wonder it was still in first run theaters for almost two years.

PARTY

After it was over around 10 pm, we filed out into the cool night. Tora-san said he’d see us to our hotel since he wanted to see Times Square after dark to compare it to Ginza in Tokyo. We walked down 6th Avenue from 51st Street under the old El. Remembering what FPA had told us, it was too good to resist! I asked Tora-san if he wouldn’t mind stopping by Jack and Charlie’s for a minute and meet Babe Ruth? He nodded and grinned. The kids were all for it - any excuse not to go to bed.

At 49th there was a small crowd gathered around Jack and Charlie’s. Taking Tora-san and the kids in tow, I excused his way through the curious people and rang the bell. The same doorman was there. Looking surprised when I gave the password, ‘Thanatopsis,’ he opened the gate to the gasps of the onlookers, whom he waved away.

“Alright everybody, beat it or do I gotta call a cop?” he said hospitably, which I found odd since it was not exactly a law-abiding establishment. I told him the Japanese guy was with me. He didn’t look happy but to his surprise, he did see that we had been invited by FPA.

Inside, the place was not too crowded. There were some small parties at the tables and there was Jimmy Cagney himself in tuxedo with some very attractive girls, probably cast members, celebrating. He saw us and waved. We waved back and Jonathan went into a boxing stance. Cagney laughed.

The maître d’ asked, “Hey, what’s the deal, bringing kids in here and the Chinaman?”

“He’s a Japanese officer on a goodwill tour,” I explained. “Anyway, FPA invited us.”

Skeptically he led us inside over to the Babe’s table where Ruth was holding court like a knight of old with a very pretty girl on his arm. There was Dottie, with Robert Benchley, Harpo, of course FPA and a sour-looking guy that turned out to be Ring Lardner, THE most famous sportswriter in the country and intimate member of the Round Table.

“Look what the cat dragged in! Well, welcome back to our little family!” Dottie said warmly, making me feel like Norm in ‘Cheers!’ as she waved to us to come over and sit down.

Lauren jumped for joy…

“Harpo!!” she shouted.

Harpo widened his eyes at her with that crazy cross-eyed smile and beckoned for her to sit beside him which she did, smiling all shy. Amazingly, they were all drinking coffee, and the Babe had a big glass of milk in front of him.

“I’m in training, Huggins (the Yankee’s manager) ‘ll kill me if I fall off the wagon with a big game tomorrow!”

“You kids have fun or did your ‘Lito’ drag you all over the city?” Dottie asked.

Jonathan said I did drag them all over but he enjoyed the game today.

Ruth beamed at both kids: “Howdy kids!” he said.

“We can’t stay, it’s late, just wanted to take this opportunity to meet you. It’s truly an honor!” I said, meaning it, as I shook his big, rough hand.

The Babe, being a kid at heart, offered to shake the kid’s hands and said that if they had baseballs with them he’d autograph them. They looked downcast. I explained we didn’t expect to meet him ever, so we didn’t have any.

“Come and see me tomorrow after the game. Just bring some baseballs and I’ll sign ‘em,” he scribbled a note to us. “This’ll getcha into the locker room. How about that?”

The kids smiled and thanked him, and so did I. Imagine!

“So, we’ve gone international?” Benchley observed looking at the stiff, serious Tora-san, “Who is your solemn friend?”

“Let me introduce Tora-san, officer of the Imperial Japanese Navy on a goodwill tour…” I explained as Tora-san unbent with a slight bow to the table.

“Ah, yes, the big to-do on the Hudson this morning,” Benchley said. “Have a seat,” he pulled out a chair next to him. Tora-san bowed and smiled as he sat down, looking somewhat out of place.

“Milk or coffee?” he offered Tora-san. “Say….I have a great recipe for Chop Suey…” Benchley started to tell him putting his arm around his shoulders with mock seriousness. Tora-san looked puzzled….then started to laugh.

Ruth’s girl gave Tora-san an approving glance and a big smile.

“Handsome, ain’t he?” she observed.

“Hey!” Ruth admonished her with a frown.

Ring smiled and whispered to Benchley: “She gave him a look you could have poured on a waffle.”

Dottie smiled and observed, “I like MY men rich, handsome and stupid.” At this Benchley whispered in her ear looking at Babe Ruth. She laughed out loud, “Not THAT stupid.” Which thankfully went right over Ruth’s head as he was talking nonstop with Ring and FPA.

Ruth started to talk to Ring about the game, and everybody bent over to listen. “So, Babe, everyone expects you to break your record of 59 homers tomorrow or on Saturday, what ‘dya say?” Ring asked him.

“Ring, I don’t know for sure but it looks good,” The Babe said with confidence. “All I know is we are a shoe-in for the pennant against the Senators and the series against Pittsburgh.”

“Uh…..has anybody seen ‘Abie’s Irish Rose?’ Is it any good?” I asked the crowd mischievously about the predictable, wildly popular comedy about the Jewish husband and his Irish bride and the mishaps between their two families, which had become a national joke, having played for so many years on Broadway. It was a sort of early version of ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding.’ I got a forest of grimaces and ugly looks.

“Not THAT old thing!” Dottie said with disgust.

“Why, it’s the oldest play on Broadway, since 1920 or so and you haven’t seen it? Well you’re not missing much… a triumph of bad taste and mediocrity!” Benchley said.

“Well, we’re from Minnesota…” I answered innocently.

“So is F. Scott - it’s no excuse for bad taste!” Dottie admonished me.

Ruth looked puzzled. “I don’t get it? I liked it just fine…saw it a few years ago.”

“See what I mean?” Dottie said grinning.

Harpo chimed in. “Now now, let’s not be so smug…remember our little Broadway comedy back in ’22, ‘Yessiree?’ Lasted one night. Who do we think we are?”

“Well, Harpo, what’s your assessment?” I asked hoping for his famous response. I was not disappointed.

“Well… as I’ve said before, it was no worse than a bad cold.”

KIDNAPPED

It was getting late, and since we had actually met Babe Ruth in person, it was time to go.

“Thanks, everybody, but we gotta get to bed, right kids?” I said.

They both nodded reluctantly.

Harpo made a sad face.

“Bye, Harpo…” Lauren said sadly.

“S’ long, Lauren,” he replied. “See ya, Jonathan!”

Jonathan smiled back. “I’ll see you in the movies,” he said.

Harpo looked puzzled; he had only appeared briefly in one movie so far.

“Good thing movies are silent,” FPA said sourly, “or you’d drive everybody crazy with your endless chatter.” He grinned, knowing Harpo pretended he couldn’t talk in his act. Harpo gave him his silliest grin.

I thanked everyone for the warm welcome and shook the Babe’s hand. He said it was nice meeting us. There were some other parties he had to go to to celebrate and the night was still young, he told us.

“You’re gonna do OK tomorrow,” I said, “And we’ll be there to see you.”

The kids nodded enthusiastically. Tora-san bowed and also shook Ruth’s hand.

“Bye! Say, we gotta get going soon too,” Ruth said as we walked out the door. I suddenly missed the Round Table crowd as we walked out into the night, the crowd outside gone by now.

We started walking toward 6th Avenue back to our hotel in the shadows on quiet 49th street, then stood on the corner trying to decide the best way for Tora-san to go to Times Square. Ruth and the girl, arm and arm, were walking lightly up to the street, turning towards 6th Avenue as well when a black car pulled up suddenly stopping by Ruth and the girl. We were about to turn the corner when Lauren looked back and earnestly tugged on my arm, whispering loudly,

“Look! Somebody is trying to fight with Mr. Ruth!” Both me and Tora-san turned and looked back.

Angry words were being exchanged, but we couldn’t make them out. Ruth looked angry and, as hands reached out to grab him, the girl screamed and dropped her purse. He struggled, trying to pull away as they opened the door and tried to drag him inside. The girl got angry and began to tug Ruth away from the car, yelling something. Tora-san didn’t hesitate, and started running towards the struggle. Jonathan jerked his hand out of mine and dashed after him as I shouted at him to stop, and started to chase him, Lauren in tow.

Jonathan was right behind Tora-san as Tora-san let out a battle cry and leaped in the air, his hand chopping the outstretched arm, breaking the grip of one of the arms trying to drag the Babe into the car. The man tumbled onto the pavement, Jonathan also leaped up and kicked him in the arm in Tae-Kwan Do style, yelling, “Heeyaaa!” making him grunt in pain. Tora-san then turned on the other man in the car who pulled out a gun, with a Karate chop, making him drop the gun on the pavement, and another chop flattening him.

The Babe almost fell on the ground, shook his head clear and socked the guy in the car with a roundhouse punch that sent him sprawling on the seat. There were two other guys in the 1926 Lincoln besides the driver. One of them pulled out another gun from inside, out of Tora-san’s reach.

“Allright, Babe, get in the car, nice and quiet and nobody gets hurt, see?” the man said. “The boss just wants to have a few words with you.”

Ruth, very cool said “What, shoot me?! You gotta be crazy…!”

“We ain’t gonna kill you nohow, but maybe you gets wounded accidental-like in your batting arm, see?”

“OK folks, they just wanna talk to me,” he said reluctantly getting in the car.

“Relax, we ain’t gonna hurt him, if he’s reasonable that is. The Boss just wants to have a little chat is all…” Ruth took a seat.

“Don’t bother checkin’ the license plate either - it’s stolen,” the gangster said with a nasty grin. “We’re not stupid.”

“What about Louie?” One of them said about their fellow gangster lying groaning on the sidewalk.

“If he can’t take care of his self, dat’s his own lookout, he ain’t gonna say nuttin.’ What are dese creampuffs gonna do anyways? Come on we gotta get outta here….da Boss is waitin’” I heard the other one say. He yelled at the driver who gunned the engine in gear and started to drive away.

To my sudden horror as the car drove away - there were Jonathan and Lauren hanging on the back of the car! They were crouching on the bumper, hanging onto the big spare tire and rack for luggage which was folded up acting like a railing, out of sight of the car’s occupants! They must have slipped aboard in all the confusion.

They flashed me their widest grins waving ‘bye, bye.’

I yelled at them and motioned for them to get off with my arms, but they just continued to wave, Jonathan pointing to the ground as if to say ‘stay where I am.’ Tora-san looked at me with concern and we started to run after the car as it tore out of sight heading west, then careened around the corner headed north on 6th Ave.

“No use, they are going too fast to catch. Jonathan is smart, he’ll find his way back. We need a cab and to call the police,” I said worried sick.

Meanwhile, the club’s doorman, Dottie, Benchley, FPA, Harpo, Ring and some others came outside to see what was happening as the car drove away. Benchley was calmly putting tobacco in his pipe and mumbling, “Hmmm, a battle royal I see? Who’s that, Dempsey or Tunney on the ground?” (joking about the recent Heavyweight championship fight).

“What’s going on!?” Dottie asked.

“My kids! They hopped onto the back of that car heading to God knows where! We need to call the police!” I shouted anxiously. They all started to tell me it would be OK. Jimmy Cagney in the sharp tuxedo came out with his little party as well.

“Say, nice to see you pal, what gives?” he said. I told him. “The dirty rats, they’re crazy! This one of them?” he asked cocking his head at the guy on the ground who was groaning in pain.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll bet he knows where they’re going…” Cagney said.

Tora-san grunted approval. “So yo!”

Cagney crouched down as Benchley, Dottie, Harpo and Ring looked on.

“Listen you! Where are they going?”

The guy looked at him arrogantly and still in pain said, “I don’t know nuttin…”

“Oh yeah?” Cagney said, a savage grin on his face. “Tough guy, huh? In Yorkville, we used to eat mugs like you for breakfast so start talkin…”

“Go chase yourself.” the gangster said defiantly.

Tora-san crouched down and started to pinch the guy in the shoulder. He started to scream, unable to use his injured arm.

“Better start talking or my friend here is gonna make things mighty tough on you…” Cagney said threateningly. Tora-san grunted and pinched harder, the guy screaming in pain, Dottie turning away.

“Oh, no….” she said.

“Come on, spill it!” Cagney said.

“Okay, okay!!!” The guy screamed. “Enough… ”

“Well?” Cagney asked.

“Dey…….dey went to da Genna Brothers warehouse on twenty-ninth and tenth….”

“Izzat so? You better not be lyin, see? Anything happens to those kids and…” He looked at Tora-san who smiled. “I don’t have to tell you what my friend here will do to you. We better shake a leg and take this guy with us if we wanna catch them.”

The doorman whistled up a taxi which screeched to a halt. Cagney picked up the gun and handed it to Harpo.

“Know how to use this?”

Harpo’s eyes widened and he shook his head.

“Never mind. I’ll hang onto this - let’s get going.”

“Franklin, give a call to Lindy’s Deli,” Ring said, “and get a message to Rothstein - I’ll bet he’ll put a stop to this - hurry!”

“Rothstein?” I asked.

“Yeah, you know, the gentleman gangster, the 1919 Series fix?”

“Oh, yeah!” I said.

“Sure, this kind of rough stuff brings down too much heat from the cops. Rothstein likes to keep things nice and quiet. I’m sure he didn’t authorize this.”

“Isn’t anybody gonna call the cops?”

“From a speakeasy?” Ring said with surprise. “Yeah, they’re gonna call but we’ll get there before the cops will, even if they believe our story… and they probably won’t. Don’t worry, Rothstein’ll take care of this a lot quicker.”

“Come on you!” Cagney said through clenched teeth as he and Tora-san picked the gangster up.

“Say, what mob are you wit?” the gangster asked.

“The Broadway Mob….gwan…..get movin!” Cagney said as he shoved the gangster into the cab. Tora-san, me, Benchley, Harpo, Ring and Dottie who said she had to see if the kids were all right, piled in.

“Twenty-ninth and 10th - and step on it!” Cagney said.

COWBOYS TO THE RESCUE

Jonathan and Lauren had taken off in the confusion, mounting the folded up luggage rack and spare tire on the bumper like they had seen many kids do. They couldn’t be seen from the small rear window of the black sedan.

“We’re gonna get in a lot of trouble,” Lauren said as they waved ‘Bye bye!’ as Tora-san and me were trying to chase the car as it rounded the corner heading north on 6th Ave under the old El.

“Don’t worry,” Jonathan said confidently. “I wanna have some fun and we gotta rescue Babe Ruth somehow. We’ll figure it out. Hey, look at us - like an Indiana Jones movie!” he said grinning. “Hang on!”

They were hanging on the speeding car enjoying the ride as the car screeched around the block now heading west down 52nd street after we gave up the chase.

“Jonathan, we’re going to get lost….this is crazy.”

“No way, we can find our way back easy - Manhattan’s a grid and I got some nickels for the El anyway.”

“What if the gangsters find us? I’m scared.”

“We’ll slip off before they know it, besides they won’t hurt a little kid - they just want to talk to the Babe - didn’t you hear?” Jonathan said. “They’ll just think we’re a couple of kids hopping a ride… don’t worry…this is fun! Heeeheeeeee!”

After a wild ride, the car was bumping down the cobblestones of 10th Avenue along the railroad tracks. They turned right onto 29th Street and stopped in front of a warehouse with a squeal of brakes. Jonathan nudged Lauren and they dropped carefully to the street. One of the gang standing in front of the warehouse saw them.

“Hey, you kids, get outta here! G’wan, take a powder - stupid kids…” The kids took off and in the dim light, the gangsters couldn’t see who they were as they led the now blindfolded Babe by the arms into the warehouse.

“Easy boys, easy on the arms,” Jonathan heard Babe Ruth say coolly.

“Hey Jonathan - this is where the Cowboys are! Remember?” Lauren said with a smile after they ran around the corner.

“Cowboys? Are you crazy…oh yeah… remember where the alley was?”

“Yeah - over there…lets go!” Lauren replied. They shifted towards the alley calling “Pat! Pat! Hey, Cowboys! You there?”

It was late after 11 pm, but somebody must have heard them because out of the alley came Pat and some of the Cowboys.

“Youse back? What gives?” Pat said.

Jonathan told him everything.

“You gotta be kiddin me? Da Babe, HERE? Kidnapped? Da warehouse around the corner…say, dat’s a mob hangout. Nobody big, just gamblers mainly. Say, I got an idear…..we have a secret way into the building nobody dat ain’t in our gang knows about……so youse two is now officially drafted as Westside Cowboys. Got it?”

“Got it!” the kids replied.

“Let’s go!” Pat said.

The motley crew stole silently down the street keeping to the shadows cast by the street lamps.

“You, Jerry and Al, I want you to walk in front and bug them mugs on guard, get them to chase you, see? We’ll go in the back way. Got it?”

“Sure,” they replied.

“Youse, Skinny, Mose and Lauren, go and tell da cops. We’re gonna need all da help we can get.”

“You OK with that Lauren?” Jonathan asked.

“Yep!” she replied.

Pat motioned the rest down an alley, into the basement of a building next to the warehouse. They picked their way through the dimly lit underground maze to a coal pile near the furnace. Pat removed a few bricks making a hole big enough to crawl through. He went in first, followed by the rest.

“Keep quiet!” Pat said, “They gotta be upstairs….come on.”

Jonathan smiled, “Just like Ninjas!” he whispered.

“Ninjas, sminjas, just keep ya yap shut, OK?” Pat whispered back.

Lauren, Skinny and Mose ran around looking for a cop and finally found one walking his beat a couple of blocks away. The elderly, white-haired patrolman looked them over and refused to believe the incredible tale these kids were telling.

Lauren insisted it was true.

“So, some gangsters kidnapped Babe Ruth himself, and are holding him in the warehouse on 29th Street, are they? Is that so? Now, get along home t’ bed with yez before I run yez in ye young ruffians. And you!” addressing Lauren, “What’s a pretty little girl like yourself doin out at this hour with these ragamuffins? Yer parents must be worried.”

Lauren looked up at him with her big eyes. “I’m NOT a little girl and I’m here with my Lito, I mean….Grandpa…and we hopped the gangster’s car and rode on the back to the warehouse…my brother is inside with Pat and the rest of the Cowboys,” she explained innocently.

The old policeman bent down “Hopped a car? Babe Ruth? Cowboys ye say? Sure and that’s a mighty tall tale, so it is! You know, little girl, that makin’ up a false police report’s a crime?”

She nodded gravely. “It’s not a tale - IT’S TRUE!”

“Yeah, that’s right, it ain’t no tale. If youse don’t believe us, OK, sure, run us in, we ain’t lyin!” Mose pleaded.

“All right then, come along wit yez!” the cop said in his thick Irish brogue. “Sure and if I was yer father wouldn’t I be takin’ me belt t’ yez and tannin’ yer hides so I would. We’ll get it straightened out at the station. Come along now.”

POSSE

Meanwhile, back on 49th street, our taxi took off in a hurry.

“Talley Ho! Cavalry to the rescue!” Benchley said enthusiastically.

“More like the Keystone Cops,” Dottie observed. “Mr. Benchley is not exactly Douglas Fairbanks…” (Fairbanks was the supreme action star of the silent movies.)

“Never was there a crew of misfits and oddballs like this!” Harpo said with a smile. “This is the unlikeliest looking bunch I ever saw…” he said waggling his eyebrows like Groucho.

“Thanks for trying to make me laugh but…” I said sadly.

“Don’t worry, these mugs won’t hurt kids, you can bet on that.” Cagney said as the taxi tore down 8th Avenue.

Tora-san grunted approval, keeping his hand on the gangster’s shoulder to pinch him if necessary.

“Did anybody call the cops after all?” I asked.

“I asked FPA to call Rothstein AND the cops. Like I said, Rothstein will fix this a lot quicker.” Ring said. The taxi driver said he’d be there in no time.

* * *

The kids were tiptoeing silently through the darkened warehouse and saw a pool of light near the office on the second floor. Quietly stealing up close behind some boxes, they heard this little conversation from the three gangsters standing and the Boss, Derby Hat himself, sitting facing the blindfolded Ruth.

“Come on, Babe, play ball… there’s a lot of money in it for you and us, we don’t want to have to hurt you…” they heard Derby Hat say. Jonathan nudged Pat.

“I know that guy - saw him at the game today.” Pat glared at him putting his finger to his lips for Jonathan to be quiet.

“Lemme think what to do,” Pat said.

“Look fellas,” the Babe said, “ if I promise to play under the next two games, you’ll let me go?”

“Sure, sure! There’s a big payout for you and us; nobody gets hurt and nobody’s the wiser,” the gangster said.

“What about all those witnesses?” Ruth asked.

“Forget about it, nobody knows any of my boys, besides, ain’t nobody followed us nohow. But listen good, you take our dough and hit a homer; doublecross us and you’re gonna have a terrible accident, see? Get me?”

“Sure boys, sure, you don’t have to worry.” Ruth said. “You guys better let me go or I’m gonna be missed - you don’t want this kinda thing in the papers, do you?”

“What kind of thing? We’re just having a little chat. Some of my boys got a little rough, sorry about that. Besides, you wouldn’t want it getting around that the great Babe Ruth is taking moolah from the mob? What would your fans and the kiddies think? Don’t forget those pictures of you and all those Flappers I got at some of them parties you been to - what would your wife think? We just wanna keep this quiet - I know we can trust you, right?”

“Sure thing, but, I really don’t need the money, and I really want to break that homer record,” Ruth said.

“I’m really sorry to hear that Babe. Come on boys, let’s get him outta here - we’re takin’ him for a little ride. But first he’s gonna have a little drink… a lot can happen when you get drunk at a party. What a shame… looks like you’re gonna have an accident - maybe fall and break your arm,” Derby Hat said.

One of the ‘boys’ produced a bottle of liquor. “I hears you like scotch..don’t worry, this is the real stuff off the boat….we’re just gonna pour you about half a bottle - it’ll ease the pain.”

“Hey, ix-nay on the ink-drays! Come on boys, take it easy….” Ruth implored.

Pat whispered his plan to the kids. They spread out behind the boxes in the dark, Jonathan staying with Pat.

Pat nudged Jonathan, “Now!” Jonathan took a nickel and threw it to a corner of the office.

“Hey, who’s there?!” Derby Hat said, motioning to his boys to spread out. “Whoever you are, come on out if you know what’s good for you!” Each of Pat’s gang whistled once.

“Hey Boss, they’s all over da place maybe it’s the cops?”

“G’wan…they ain’t the cops….” Derby Hat said. Right then, one of the guards from the front came in.

“Hey boss, we had to chase away a couple o’ kids out front…..they was throwin’ rocks - maybe they knows somethin?”

Jonathan deepened his voice: “All right you, we got you surrounded - drop your weapons and come out with your hands up!”

“Oh yeah? Izzat soooo?” Derby Hat said skeptically, “So - who are youse? You ain’t da cops?!”

“Elliot Ness, Federal Agent! Drop ‘em! Let the big guy go!” Jonathan said deeply. One of his boys dropped his gun and put his hands up.

“You stupid jerk, they’re just some kids!” Derby Hat said. “All right you kids, knock it off, get lost or your gonna be in real trouble…”

Pat whistled twice and each member of his gang started to make noise in different parts of the warehouse.

He whispered to Jonathan: “OK, when they start to look for my guys, we cheese it, see? We gotta take a powder ’cause we ain’t got no artillery, see? Get them to chase us. Wonder if Skinny, Mose and Lauren got the cops?”

NINJA!

We arrived on the corner of 10th Avenue and 29th Street.

“There’s the warehouse,” I said. “Looks like nobody’s on guard… that’s funny.”

“Your sure this is the place?” Cagney said menacing the gangster with the gun.

He nodded.

“All right you, let’s make an entrance - hands on your head. Make any sudden movements and I’ll drill ‘ya.” Cagney said. “Harpo, Bob, Dottie, you keep a lookout down here.” Harpo said that sorry, if Lauren and Jonathan are upstairs in danger, he would go too to save them.

“OK, come on!” Cagney said, then to Benchley he said: “You and Dorothy keep a lookout down here in case any other of their guys show up, OK?”

Benchley said they would hold the fort at all costs, “The Park Bench team is on the case!”

Dottie rolled her eyes.

“OK Mr. Benchley, let’s pretend to take a midnight stroll - and we better pretend we’re drunk so as not to arouse suspicion in THIS neighborhood.”

“A role to which we’re well suited…” said Benchley. “Half in the tank already..”

We climbed the stairs to the second floor where the gangster said that they would be in the middle by the office. We saw the pool of light and we could hear some kids and I was sure, Jonathan’s voice, deepened, saying: “Elliot Ness, Federal Agent! Drop ‘em! Let the big guy go!”

Cagney hit the gangster hard in the head with the gun, knocking him cold, Harpo catching him so he wouldn’t make any noise.

“Sorry pal,” he said without regret. “He’s more of a liability now.” Cagney whispered instructions to us: “You guys keep quiet, pull your hats down and keep your hands in your pockets, like you’re holding guns - I’ll do the talking - we’re from Rothstein, see?”

We nodded gravely. We got it. We’d have to act the part.

Harpo made his fiercest face showing his teeth, breathing heavily like in his act, ever the clown. It relieved the tension.

“You,” he addressed Tora-san, “Keep out of sight, see, and work your way as close as possible behind these boxes…”

He nodded.

“All I got is this .38, so it’s gonna be some bluff…. and me just a song and dance man.” Cagney said with a little nervous laugh. “Here goes nothing…”

With Cagney holding the drawn gun, and with Ring, me and Harpo keeping to the shadows, hands in our pockets, hats over our eyes looking as instructed, we followed, trying to look as tough as possible as Cagney sauntered confidently into the room after Derby Hat said: “All right you kids, knock it off, get lost or your gonna be in real trouble…”

“Allllll right!” Cagney said. “The jig is up. Rothstein says to knock it off, see, he don’t want all the heat this little stunt of yours is gonna bring down on the mob, get me?”

“What the?! Who’re YOUSE?!” Derby Hat asked astonished.

“Gee Boss, I taught dese was just kids you said…” said one of his boys.

“Don’t move or you’re gonna get it!” Cagney said through his clenched teeth. “Never mind who we are, see? Just drop your gats real easy like, no sudden movements, I’m feeling very edgy, see?” Cagney said menacingly. “Let the Babe go, get me?”

“Okay, Okay,” said Derby Hat, “Take it easy, pal,” he said reaching for his gun slowly. “All right boys, drop ‘em.” Derby Hat ordered. “You, let Ruth go, back away,” he ordered the guy holding Ruth by the arm.

“Gee, thanks… whoever you guys are….” the still-blindfolded Ruth said.

Jonathan whispered to Pat, “Hey, it’s your uncle Jimmy.”

Pat glared at him motioning for him to shut up!

“Gwan, drop those gats now!” Cagney said waving his pistol.

Derby Hat’s boys dropped their guns.

“All, right, back away and hands on your heads.” Cagney ordered.

They complied warily.

“OK, Tank,” Cagney said to me. (So I was Tank, hey?) “Go get the Babe.”

He nodded at Ring to collect the pistols. I slowly eased my way over and grabbed the Babe and led him away behind the boxes, keeping his blindfold on.

“Say, would you mind taking this thing off and untying my hands?” Ruth asked.

I hushed him, “Wait, in a few minutes - it’s complicated.”

“OK,” he replied.

“Say, wait a minute, you guys don’t look like nobody in the mob…” Derby Hat said skeptically as he reached for his gun. Suddenly, he grabbed it and ducked before Cagney could react and squeezed off a shot that just missed Tora-san who leaped from the shadows as Derby Hat pointed his gun. Tora-san was on him like lightening, his gun fired again wildly into a box, shattering some glass. Tora-san pinned him to the floor, and hit him with a fast Karate chop making him scream in agony, his pistol clattered on the floor.

Just then, three other people in trench coats, hats covering their eyes, looking like gangsters from an old movie, entered the area. The two guys following the leader had their hands in their pockets like they had pistols, giving us quite a start. Benchley and Dottie followed them in. One of Derby Hat’s boys said quietly “Look Boss…it’s Bugsy!”

“Shut UP!” Derby Hat implored, groaning in pain held down by Tora-san.

The leader, who was very young, glared angrily with hard eyes at the guy who called him Bugsy. He waved his hand to us indicating he was friendly. I thrilled with anticipation - the famous ‘Bugsy’ Ben Siegel himself!

He looked at Derby Hat and said “Well, well, well….if it isn’t Abe Atell causing all this trouble - can’t stay away from baseball, can you?” He had a heavy New York accent, but he clearly was trying hard to speak properly. “Shooting too….” He shook his head sadly.

Seeing that Cagney had Derby Hat’s five ‘boys’ covered with a .38, Bugsy walked over to the guy who called him Bugsy and smiled. He turned to us, smiled, shrugged his shoulders, turned to the guy and said, “I don’t think we’ve been introduced…” then socked him in the jaw, knocking him to the floor. “The name is Ben, BEN!” and kicked him once. “Sorry Abe, your boys aren’t trained very well, are they? Are they TRYING to be insulting?!”

“I don’t think we’ve been introduced… The name is Ben, BEN!”

“No, Ben, no, the big ape didn’t know no better….”

Ben addressed Tora-san, who still holding down Derby Hat, who was none other than Abe Atell, ex-boxer and key figure in the Black Sox scandal, the 1919 World Series fix still working for Rothstein.

“You, let him go… please.”

Tora-san, glaring at Abe, slowly let him go. Abe’s eyes were wide with fear and pain.

“Ben… Benny… it was all a mistake… ”

“Abe,” Ben said with increasing anger, “Rothstein, Meyer, Lucky and me, we trust you with our liquor imports, give you a big piece of the action, and what do you do? Go off on your own with this crazy scheme, which’ll bring down so much heat on us. Now I get a call from Rothstein, dragging me out of a party…….Abe, Abe, where are your brains at?” Ben was yelling by now.

“Benny,” Abe pleaded, “We ain’t done no harm. ”

“Abe… don’t say ain’t.” Ben said suddenly quiet. “That’s ignorant.”

“OK, whatever you say Benny.”

“Abe, we need to have a little talk.”

“No Ben, no! I promise nuttin’ like this will ever happen again, honest!” Abe pleaded.

I shouted for the kids. Jonathan came out followed by Pat and his little gang, cool as you please.

“You guys…” I said in anger. “Where’s Lauren?!”

“She went with two of the gang, Skinny and Mose to get the cops…” Jonathan replied with confidence.

“You guys took a terrible chance… you are in so much trouble… but I’ve never been more pleased to see anyone in my life,” I said hugging them. Harpo grinned.

“I pretended to be a Federal Agent, Lito - Elliot Ness!” Jonathan said proudly. “Are you the Federal Agents?” he asked Ben innocently.

Ben’s two gangsters nudged each other grinning. “Federal Agents… get him!”

“No sport, we’re the cavalry.” Ben replied smiling.

“OK, you with the gun, you can put it down now. Thanks for saving me a lot of trouble.” Ben said to Cagney, who gratefully lowered his gun.

“Thanks pal,” Cagney said relieved, wiping some sweat off his brow. “I was beginning to wonder how much longer I could hold these jokers off.”

Pat and his gang emerged. “Hi, Uncle Jimmy!” he said.

Cagney smiled yet looked angry. “Well, well, as I live and breathe - I might have known. I oughta whale the tar out of you or have your old man do it - what’dya mean getting involved with mugs like these - you mighta been killed! C’mere!” He hugged Pat.

“Aww, we was alright.” Pat replied.

Ring addressed Ben: “You wouldn’t be by any chance THE Bugs… I mean Ben Siegel?”

“The same.” Ben replied, smiling. “Ben, just call me Ben, OK?” Before I could stop him, Jonathan asked Ben with his big, wide mischievous grin:

“How come that guy called you Bugsy?”

Ben smiled. “Well… I guess I’m famous for losing my temper easy…and some people don’t have any manners!” he said looking at Abe and his boys.

At that moment Lauren, Skinny and Mose arrived with the old officer and two more cops.

“See!” she said righteously. “We weren’t lying!!”

The astonished policemen goggled at Babe Ruth and the crews of the Cowboys, Cagney and our rescue party, ‘Bugsy’ and his two well-dressed cronies with their pistols trained on a very chastened Abe and his boys. The old policeman removed his cap and scratched his head.

“Well, I’ll be! Sure and yez were tellin’ the truth, so ye were!” He held out his hand to Babe who shook it with a smile. “Mr. Ruth, sure and it’s a pleasure. If it wasn’t for these kids…well………tis an honor t’ meet you anyways. O’Malley’s the name!”

“Officer, I can’t thank you enough!” Ruth replied.

We introduced ourselves, and the officer was really surprised when we introduced Tora-san in his black uniform.

“The Japanese Navy is it? Sure t’was a brave thing ye did, so it was - ye might ha’ been killed.”

Tora-san grinned like the warrior he was.

“He’s a Samurai…a Japanese knight.” Jonathan added enthusiastically.

Tora-san smiled and modestly denied it. “Iya… chigaimasuyo…” (No…it’s different, I don’t deserve that honor ).

Lauren chimed in: “And these are the Knights of the Round Table!” pointing at Dottie, Benchley, Ring and Harpo.

Benchley laughed: “Why….to be sure, are we not gallant knights after this adventure? Ha! Well said, little girl.”

Dottie laughed, “I just wonder which one of us is Sir Galahad, the virtuous white knight?”

They all laughed.

“And who might you be?” O’Malley addressed Ben.

“Elliot Ness, Federal Agent, Treasury Department….” Ben said cool as you please. He winked at Jonathan. “We’ve got this covered, officer. We’ve been working on this case for some time trying to catch these bootleggers,” Ben said with confidence. “We happen to know that these cases of ‘Olive Oil’ in fact contain liquor, Haig & Haig imported scotch,” he nodded at the box Abe shot with his gun, leaking scotch at an alarming rate. One of his ‘agents’ opened it, removed a bottle and held it up for everyone to see.

Benchley, Dottie, Harpo and Ring were all looking wide-eyed at this little exchange. The brazenness of his claim, pretending to be a government prohibition agent in front of the police took my breath away. Guess they didn’t call him ‘Bugsy’ for nothing!

“That rescue effort by these citizens and these brave kids took a lot of guts.” Ben said coolly.

“The credit really goes to these kids,” Ring said. “That was some risky stunt you pulled riding the back of that car. Your grandpa was really worried, but thanks to you we managed to rescue the Babe.”

Tora-san grinned at Jonathan and patted his head saying “Hontoh ni ninja ni natte iru yo! You- real - Ninja now!!”

Jonathan grinned and tried a couple of kicks at Tora-san for fun, which he parried with a grin.

“Looks like we have a couple of heroes!” I said with a smile.

Benchley observed that this called for a drink in celebration.

Ruth turned to us and said, “I owe maybe my life to you guys - if it wasn’t for them kids buying you guys the time - you shoulda heard them - bravest thing I ever heard.” Ruth said. “And you, Ring, Mike, and I don’t know you,” he said nodding at Cagney who introduced himself and scruffy Pat Murphy and his gang, all grinning crooked smiles. “I have you guys to thank and, say, and what’s his name the Jap…I mean Japanese officer?” Ruth said pointing at Tora-san. “He almost got shot….”

“This is Tora-san…” I started to explain.

Officer O’Malley looked around at all of us. “I have to say that if New York City had more dedicated, brave citizens such as yerselves, sure and t’would be a better place! I’m not sayin’ yez should be takin’ the law into yer own hands mind, but, well….’tis a brave thing yez did any roads.”

Ben smiled at that.

Ring said he’d write about this in his newspaper column, it would make headlines but Ruth told him, “Ix nay, ix nay - let’s keep it quiet, OK?”

Ben nodded. “If this gets out it will ruin our case…you can let us handle things from here - if you don’t mind, officer, this is a Federal case? These kids and these fine people just happened to stumble into it, along with the harebrained scheme of trying to get Ruth to throw the game.” Ben said very brazen.

“Sure and that’s as dirty a scheme as I ever heard,” Officer O’Malley said. “Any roads, if Babe here wants to keep it quiet and not press any charges against these gangsters?”

Ruth nodded.

“And seein’ as how this is a Federal case, the force won’t be interfering, Mr. Ness, is it?”

Ben nodded. “Thank you officer - you’re a credit to the force.”

O’Malley said they would go and simply file a report that it was a false alarm - just some kids. “Come along boys.” The police left with a friendly wave.

So that’s why the world never heard of this incident, I thought to myself. Did we cause it or interfere? Surely Tora-san wasn’t here, or did this ‘already’ happen just like it did, that we had always been here back in time. Something to wonder about!

Jonathan started laughing. “Mr. Siegel….”

“Ben… it’s Ben, OK?”

“What if they asked for your badge?”

Ben smiled, shrugged and said that the trick was to look ’em in the eye and believe it yourself. Self-confidence was the key to success!

Ruth told us and Pat’s gang that they could come to the game for free as his guests. He took down our names and asked how he should write Tora-san’s name when Tora-san waved his hand in front of his face to say we that were mistaken and apologized and slowly explained that Tora, which means ‘Tiger’ was how all his friends called him but his real name was Genda Minoru.

‘Genda?’ I thought to myself, pilot trainee, the right age, it fits! I thought he looked familiar. This was the man who as Commander Genda would be instrumental in planning and carrying out the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, 14 years in the future!!!

“What’s wrong, Lito?” Jonathan asked.

“Nothing, nothing,” I told him.

I thought to myself, here was a historical crossroads if ever there was one! There was an even chance that he could have been killed when Abe’s shot just missed him as he attacked him. If we hadn’t have been there, would any of this have happened at all? If he had died, would history have been different? Would there have been an attack on Pearl Harbor? Would we have entered the Second World War at all? If we didn’t, would Hitler have won? Was it possible that the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor actually helped defeat Hitler by ensuring our entry into the war and make us a world power second to none? Anyway, after the war, Genda was a respected former enemy and a great friend to the United States while serving as a leader of the post-war Japanese Air Self-Defense force.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, are you alright?” Dottie asked kindly.

“I’m fine…” I comforted myself with the thought that we are here only to observe and learn, and not to interfere with history, which could have disastrous consequences. “No, I’m fine.”

It was well after one in the morning. We all shook hands with Ben, Harpo couldn’t resist his leg-over-handshake stunt that had Ben laughing.

“Are you going to hurt Mr. Abe?” Lauren asked Ben.

“No, little girl, since you asked, I’ll give him a second chance, a fresh start…I mean, where would we be without fresh starts?” he said kindly, his anger cooled considerably.

Abe and his boys looked relieved.

“We’ll just forget that this ever happened, won’t we Abe?”

“Sure thing, Ben, anything you say.” Abe said.

“I don’t have to tell you what would happen… if we have to come back… do I?” Ben said calmly. Abe nodded rapidly.

“Sure, sure.”

“We’re businessmen now, see? No more of the rough stuff…those days are over.” Ben said. Ben turned to Cagney. “Say, you sure you’re not with the mob in some way?”

“Nah,” Cagney said, “Just a dancer on Broadway.”

“You’re a pretty tough egg.” Ben said admiringly.

“Just my bringin’ up in Yorkville, see?” Cagney replied.

“You should think about the movies,” Ben said. “I’d like to see somebody like you playing one of us.”

“Gee, thanks pal,” Cagney said. “Maybe I will, not a bad idea…but with silent flickers? I don’t see it…”

“Sound is right around the corner,” I chimed in. “You oughta consider it seriously.”

He grinned a big wide grin, scratching his chin, “Maybe I will….not a bad idea…”

“Lito, I saw him in the movies…” Jonathan said, but I shushed him before Cagney heard it.

Our taxi was waiting just down the street in the dark and we all piled in - eight adults and two kids jammed the taxi along with our case of ‘Olive Oil,’ compliments of Ben Siegel.

“You really need somebody to keep an eye on you, Babe.” Dottie said.

“Yeah…guess so…say can you drop me at the Roosevelt Hotel?” Ruth replied.

“Nothing doing! You’ve had enough fun for one night - home James!” Dottie admonished. “Honestly! Men!!” she said with disgust.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without ‘em!” I said with a smile.

Dottie looked at me coldly. “Speak for yourself.”

“Were those were for-real gangsters?” Jonathan asked.

“They sure were. Man alive, you could have really gotten hurt. I should punish you…”

Harpo made a face at me, shaking his head then smiling.

“Ok, OK, a fresh start, right?” I said.

Harpo smiled.

“But don’t EVER take a chance like that again! I’m responsible for you!” I admonished.

“Bugsy Siegel…” Jonathan mused, smiling - he sure got angry!”

“Bugsy, he hated that name. Ben Siegel is the muscle for Rothstein, Meyer Lansky and ‘Lucky’ Luciano,” I explained. “They make a ton of money thanks to Prohibition and will probably become a very powerful organization.”

“You can say that again,” Cagney said smiling. “Prohibition’s the worst law ever passed, just about everybody ignores it, even the police are corrupted by it, making people lose respect for the law, and the mob rich!”

Benchley and Dottie looked at each other. “I’m sorry, but a stupid law like that doesn’t deserve any respect,” Dottie said. “Slavery used to be legal, that didn’t make it right.”

Benchley observed that he and Dottie did their part - Prohibition got as little respect as possible.

Everyone chuckled at that.

The taxi dropped me, the kids and Genda-san off at the hotel. We waved goodbye as the rest of the posse went to make sure that Ruth got home safe and sound. Genda-san saw us to the door and said goodbye, thanking Lauren and Jonathan for their bravery. He told Jonathan that he was an honorary Ninja now, and Ninjas, like the Samurai of old, practiced patience, meditation and hard work as well as martial arts. Above all, concentration on doing things well was the most important thing a Ninja could learn. He was a pursuit (fighter) pilot and as such, never, ever drank alcohol.

“Excellence in all things is the way of the Ninja!” Genda-san told Jonathan with a smile.

He pressed his card on me, which I politely studied, it was all pre-war Japanese and hard to read. He insisted that if we found ourselves in Japan to be sure to drop in on him at Kure Naval Base or the Etajima naval academy - he wrote something on the card and said that this would get us in - at least they’d know where to find him. He said “Sayonara!” and thanked us for our friendship.

We watched him walk away. The kids were tired and sleepy. We had no trouble getting to bed, flush with the night’s exploits. I told the kids that Ruth would tour Japan in 1934. The people loved him so much that he really made baseball popular leading to the real beginning of professional ball in Japan. Wonder if Genda-san had anything to do with it?

We slept in Friday morning, anxious for the big game that afternoon. I made arrangements for our return Saturday afternoon. I told the kids it would be a surprise, that traveling back to our time was a lot easier, the ‘snapback’ I called it. According to my calculations, we should be back on Sunday evening, two days after we left. No need to go back to Philadelphia, we could do it right in St. Paul.

“How will we get to St. Paul?” Lauren asked.

“That’s the surprise!”

We went to the lobby and the kids waited on the couches, behaving very well. I went in one of the phone booths and asked the operator to connect me to Grand Central Station to make reservations. After finishing there, I asked for long distance, please?

“Yes, Northwest Airways in Minneapolis. Thanks, I’ll hold. Hello? Is this Rosie, Operations? I’d like to make a reservation for three please, yes, I understand, there are only three planes, and they can only carry three passengers, yes, two children, Sunday, October 2…”

We headed again for Yankee Stadium this Friday, September 30, 1927 after lunch at the Rose Room. The Round Table gave the kids a round of applause as we sat down to lunch with them, Lauren and Jonathan giving a gleeful account of the nights exploits. At the table this time was Edna Ferber, the author of ‘So Big.’ She was discussing the soon-to-appear musical drama ‘Showboat’ based on her novel. Also there was a large Afro-American, none other than Paul Robeson, a Broadway star of some note.

She mentioned that the part of Joe, the stevedore who would sing ‘Old Man River’ was written for Paul, and said that Flo Ziegfeld was at fault for putting another Afro-American in the first production instead and said that Flo just needed a little time to see Paul’s talent.

“What Flo needs is a pretty right cross to the jaw, the big stiff.” Dottie said with a sly grin.

I explained to the kids that Ziegfeld, THE big shot on Broadway, got her fired in 1920 from her job as theater critic at another magazine, Vanity Fair, because she had severely criticized his wife, Billie Burke’s performance.

It was wonderful that there were no ‘raised eyebrows’ at a black man eating in the posh restaurant in those dark days of race relations. Dottie and her crowd were mostly unabashedly liberal and she would spend her later years supporting the struggle of Afro-Americans for their equal rights.

As me and the kids said our goodbyes, since we wouldn’t be dining with them again, the other diners in the restaurant looked at us in wonder and must have been thinking, who ARE these people? One of them said to her friend that she was certain that I must be Eugene O’Neil (the avant-garde playwright), she was certain of it… I had to smile.

SIXTY

It was so hard to leave the Round Table at last, for good and all. This group of writers was the beating heart of the literary and theatrical world of the Jazz Age, and the kids and I were privileged to have met them and be a part of them, even for so short a time.

Before taking the subway back to Yankee Stadium, I bought two baseballs. I kicked myself for the nth time at not having brought a camera with me, but on this first trip, I didn’t want to bring any modern electronic gadgets. Jonathan did bring his iTouch, but didn’t use it much. Only my glasses and plastic shaver were ‘modern.’

I noticed the crowds were a little bigger. We went to the ticket kiosks just outside the stadium gate and showed our note from Babe Ruth. The ticket clerk was skeptical and showed it to his manager, who said, “Yep, That’s the big lug’s handwriting alright…” He escorted us himself through the crowds, down the corridors to the Yankee’s locker room. Since Lauren was with us, we couldn’t go in, of course, so the Babe came out, as well as Gehrig, Koenig and Lazzari. They were smiling since the Babe had told them about last night how the kids had ‘saved his bacon.’

The players took the two baseballs and signed them. I was elated! Ruth AND Gehrig, as well as Koenig and Lazzari!! Briefly, the thought of how much money these would be worth ‘back home’ crossed my mind but there are some things worth more, some things that are sacred. I told the kids to cherish these two baseballs as heirlooms, something to hand down to their kids…

The guys tousled the hair of Lauren and Jonathan. We left them after handshakes all around and went to our box seats behind home plate. Jonathan asked why couldn’t we sit in the right-field bleachers.

“We can’t mess with history, kids, we’ve done enough already. Let’s enjoy the game and you have those two wonderful signed baseballs that many a collector would give, well, just about anything to possess.”

We chowed down on hot dogs and lemonade, cheering the Yankees on. The crowd got on its feet every time Ruth stepped up to the plate, you could feel the tension, expecting the Sultan of Swat to hit his 60th, each time a groan of disappointment when he didn’t. Still, unlike the slaughter of yesterday’s game, this one was close. The Senator’s pitching was very good.

In the first three innings, no score. They walked Ruth once. In the top of the fourth inning, the Senators scored two runs to the dismay of the crowd, then the Yankees scored a run. Ruth got a base hit. Then Gehrig drove for a single down the middle with Ruth rushing for third base. Then Ruth scored on the next hit by Koenig, the Senators 2, Yankees 1.

The Yankees scored again in the 6th, now the score stood 2 to 2. The game went on until the eighth inning. Zachary pitching for the Senators. One out, Koenig getting a triple, waited on third base when Ruth stepped up to the plate. The crowd was anxious now, the tension electric, even though there were only 10,000 attending, according to the Times.

Zachary’s first pitch was a fastball.

“Stee-rike One!” The Umpire called. The next was high, for a ball. One and one.

I took Lauren on my shoulders. “This is it!” I told them.

Zachary’s next pitch was high but the Babe stepped into hit and his bat hammered it with a resounding “CRACK” and the crowd gasped as it went high into right field and into the bleachers, was it fair or foul? It was right on the line it seemed, just inside fair territory. The Umpire called it fair, the Senator’s pitcher was protesting, but it was too late, it was what the crowd wanted to hear and their shouting ‘split the heavens.’

The crowd went crazy. We were cheering wildly! He did it! Number 60! I was relieved that the night’s shenanigans had no ill effect on him. There was pandemonium in the stands as Koenig scored and Ruth trotted around the bases very regal, with Gehrig’s traditional handshake as he touched home plate. It seemed that 10,000 handkerchiefs were fluttering as Ruth stood there and began saluting the crowd turning to each section making rapid salutes, grinning ear to ear. This is the record that will stand for the next 34 years…and we were there!! The kids were caught up in the pandemonium as well, jumping and cheering like mad. The Yankees stood 4 to 2.

When the cheering subsided, the game continued, but no score on either side, the Yankees the victors. The crowd went wild again, but the game was over and Ruth had his moment in history. We filed out with the crowd but went over to where the mob of kids waited for the Yankees by the locker room - we saw Pat and some of his gang who waved at us as they waited to get the Babe’s autograph, each sporting a shiny, new baseball.

The 60th home run ball had been caught by a long time Yankees fan, Joe Forner, aged 60, who was waiting to show Ruth that he had caught the ball, according to the NY Times. We waved at the Bambino and he gave us a big wink. We stood high in the great man’s opinion, that’s for sure. After he retires, the Yankees will retire his number 3.

HOUDINI’S HOUSE

We were pretty beat after the game, but for some reason, Jonathan wanted to see Houdini’s house in Harlem. It was only a few blocks from the Interborough Subway stop at 116th Street, so I figured why not?

We endured another rush hour crowd, changing lines at 149th Street like before, getting out at 116th Street. Harlem looked much more prosperous than it would in later years, solid old brownstones alongside modest apartment houses.

We soon arrived at the narrow, three-story brownstone sandwiched between two other buildings. Strange that Houdini would cling to that relatively small house where he had his workshop for so many years.

Impulsively, we rang the bell and a middle-aged lady answered the door.

“Yes, can I help you?”

Before I could speak up, Lauren mischievously chimed in: “Can we see Mr. Houdini’s workshop? We have his lost magic wand!” She was giggling.

“Madon!!” the lady cried. “Houdini’s family don’t live here no more…”

“I’m sorry… Lauren, please!!” I admonished her. “Really sorry Miss?”

“Mrs. Bonnano.”

“Nice to meet you. Really sorry about that… kids, you know?”

Mrs. Bonanno smiled indulgently. “That’s OK. But people been driving me crazy wanting to see his house. They sold it to us back in March, moved everything, and it was a lot! Nice workshop he had. You got one of his magic wands?”

“Yeah, bought it at auction…” I couldn’t resist telling her.

“Y’know, that’s funny, been a German guy, said he was one of his assistants. He was wantin’ to search the house, said Houdini promised him a wand but it’s been missing since before he died. I let him search, but he don’t find nothing, but he show me all the secret hiding spots. Houdini he was something! OK, I let you in but there ain’t really nothing to see.”

“That’s OK, we’re kinda tired.”

“No, come on in, I already makin some coffee. Gotta ice cream for the kiddies.”

“No, really, that’s OK…”

“Come on, I insist!” Mrs. Bonanno said smiling.

“Well, OK, just for a short time. Don’t want to be any trouble.”

“No trouble, justa sit for a bit, I getta you the coffee… just a minute.”

“OK, thanks!”

The kids smiled.

We sat down in the somewhat stuffy living room. Mrs. Bonanno went into the kitchen. What I didn’t know was she made a phone call.

She served us coffee and ice cream. The kids dug in with relish, the ice cream very creamy. She showed us the basement. Of course, nothing was left from Houdini’s shop. Still, it was interesting to see how much space the narrow building actually had.

We thanked her and said we had to be going. She suggested we stay, but I told her it was getting late, and we were beat.

“Where are you going?” she asked. “Not far I hope?”

“Just the Algonquin, but we’re leaving town tomorrow.”

“The Algonquin, say, that’s mighty fine. You ain’t from here, I can tell!”

“You can say that again! Minnesota actually,” I said.

“Farther than that!” Jonathan said grinning. “We’re time travelers from the Future!”

“Jonathan!!! Stop fooling around! This kid, he reads too many fantasy stories…”

“Hey, he got a pretty good imagination!” Mrs. Bonanno said smiling indulgently.

We said out goodbyes and thanked her again. We started walking back to the subway.

JONATHAN SPILLS THE BEANS

Next morning after packing, taking a chance, I knocked on Dottie’s door. She lived on the second floor of the hotel. She opened the door dressed in a lovely robe and silk kimono.

“Could I possibly… ?” She instantly grasped that I would like somebody to look after the kids for a while. “I have to take care of some financial business on Wall Street, be back in two hours?”

I explained that they weren’t keen on going in the subway again in rush hour since we were leaving today, catching the ‘Century’ at 2:45 pm. Giving me a crooked smile, she said she had writer’s block anyway and would love to, but could she trouble me to replace her typewriter (ink) ribbon?

She gave me a sly grin. She was famous for having difficulty with them. I fumbled with the inky black and red ribbon, finally succeeding.

Jonathan looked on in wonder at the typewriter. “What’s that? Is that what you call a typewriter?” he asked.

“Yep!” I said glaring at him. “Come on, stop fooling! It’s sort of an instant printer… prints while you write,” I explained.

Dottie looked at me strangely. “Don’t tell me…..you’re from Minnesota and they don’t have typewriters where you come from?”

“Aw, he’s just fooling around, trying to be funny…”

“Uh huh…” Dottie replied looking skeptical.

Woodrow Wilson, her little Boston Terrier bounded up to the kids and they made instant friends. They told her about their dog Oreo. I had already warned them about talking about the future.

I stopped at the new General Post Office by Penn Station and got a safe deposit box account. I had the strangest feeling that someone was following me, but I couldn’t be certain, with all the crowds in the busy city.

At the brokerage my stock sale had gone through and had netted me close to a $900 profit. With that, and my $16,500 original investment, (there were now 33 1921-issue $500 bills I brought back in time sharing the same serial numbers - in two places at once - but that shouldn’t cause any harm) I had them buy as many shares of Boeing Aircraft stock as it would buy at $84. I then made up an order to sell it all on September 30, 1929 and that the proceeds should remain in the account until March 22, 1933. At that time, I placed an order to re-buy as many shares of Boeing as they could, and that these shares and subsequent earnings would be redeemable not before 2012 in both the kids’ names. The looks I got were interesting but they said I was the customer and so on.

The broker grinned and asked if I had some kind of crystal ball, and would I let him in on it since I was so positive?

“I’m just a little bit crazy, that’s all.”

He tried to sell me a couple of hundred shares in RCA Radio, telling me it was a sure thing. He winked broadly. I remembered the stock pools they manipulated in those days, basically pumping and dumping after the shares went up in value as they let word slip on the street.

“Uh, no thanks, just let my order stand please. By the way, please only mail me an annual statement, nothing else.” I said, and gave them my new P.O. box address. “I’ll be back from time to time to check on it.”

With a little luck, the Great Depression notwithstanding, that investment would make both grandkids very comfortable indeed, when they became teenagers and ready for college.

As I left the brokerage, fully satisfied, I noticed a guy that I thought I had seen before, up by the Post Office, as if he was following me. I shrugged it off and continued on my way back to the hotel.

* * *

Dottie let the kids play with Wilson for a time and they had fun running around her notoriously messy apartment as she tried to work. Jonathan sat down and opened his suitcase while Lauren watched and pulled out his iTouch music player he took with him. Lauren told Jonathan not to take it out, but he frowned at her and put it on anyway and put in his earphones, saying, “I’m bored!”

Dottie looked over and saw him. “Jonathan!” she called, “What are you doing? Do have a little crystal set?” (The oldest radios were battery operated and you had to use earphones, kids made them at home.)

“Jonathan’s using his iPod,” Lauren told her innocently. She came over all curious and looked at him as he was swaying to a rhythm.

“What have you got there?”

“His iPod!” Lauren said. “It’s really an iTouch though.”

Dottie bent over and asked Jonathan if she could look at it? He gave it to her.

“What on earth?!” she said looking at the artist displayed in vivid color. Lauren showed her how it works, running her fingers on the smooth glass touching different icons as various song selections came up with video. He let her listen to the music as she watched the accompanying video fascinated, her hand quivering with shock.

“Where did you get THIS?!” she asked, eyes wide in shock.

“Dottie, we really came from 2011,” Lauren told her. “Really, but we have to go back today.”

“So, tell me something about yourselves… when were you born?” Dottie asked them.

They told her and showed her the magic wand.

After some time, I came back. Dottie was waiting with her crooked smile.

“Wonderful kids you have, but what’s with this, watchyamacalit, Eye-touch Jonathan’s got? How, where did you get such a thing, it’s amazing! I have to admit as hokey as your story about the future sounds, you have this stuff down cold. Come on, level with me? Some kind of trick, right?”

“Dottie, it’s all true, but I CAN’T tell you about the future, it might affect future events, and who am I to try to change history, it might turn out worse than it did, ’er will. I know it sounds screwy….”

She looked at me with that smile of hers “Well, it DOES sound screwy, Houdini’s magic wand indeed!! Sounds like a bad play… but this device, I mean it’s impossible, right? But where… I mean, how else? From what you told me, the future doesn’t sound so rosy, not like the usual predictions, more like real life… ‘all the plans of mice and men…’ and all that.” She grinned.

“Right,” I said. “I’ve been thinking about that too. History tells us that progress is like stuffing a torn mattress, you get one side stuffed only to have the stuffing fall out the other.”

“Hmm,” she said cynically, “I shouldn’t be surprised, the way the world really works. I suppose that the future isn’t all that wonderful - I mean look at the Great War, you’d have thought we progressed beyond that.”

“Well, it’s better than that,” I said, not having the heart to tell her about the Second World War only twelve years off. “More like two steps forward, one step back. In the end everyone is much better off. All I can tell you is while technology races ahead, people are not perfect and it just takes time, and you’ll live a long time and see it happen. That’s really all I can tell you. Are you mad?”

“I’m not mad, darlings,” she said “If anybody heard you you’d be carried out of here in a straight jacket. Don’t worry I won’t tell a soul, besides, nobody would believe a cockeyed story like that anyway. OK…so then, tell me this…who’s the president in your time?”

“Better sit down… ready? Barack Obama…a Democrat, the first African-American president,” I said.

She looked at me grinning as if I was really crazy “You CAN’T be serious?!”

“Why would I make up something like that?”

“Really? You don’t say?” she said skeptically but smiling. “You ARE mad you know. Who would believe it? But I love it all the same - about time we stopped all this racial nonsense!”

“So, how does this work then, you can just come and go as you please waving the magic wand?” she asked skeptically. I explained how it works, the need for a time portal, hypnotizing yourself to believe that you are actually living in the time you wish to visit, and it is amazingly accurate, so far within a few days.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” she said shaking her head, smiling. “I suppose there’s one thing I wish I could do…if I could travel in time… tell my Uncle Martin how much I miss him… he went down on the Titanic - the family hero.”

“Uncle Martin? Oh yes, Martin Rothschild. Yes, I forgot you’re a Rothschild.”

“Yes, and half-Jewish too, irritates Aleck (Woollcott) no end,” she said with a sly smile. “Kaufman, Ferber, Gershwin, Berlin, Harpo, Ziegfeld, Houdini… there’s just no getting away from us and all that talent,” she said very pleased. “And I had to go and marry a very respectable Connecticut Yankee, Eddie Parker - a stockbroker if you please. Oh well…”

“Dottie,” I said, “Visiting the Titanic would be almost irresistible. Of course, we can’t interfere with the past… much as I would like to do good and save lives. Even the best intentions can have untold terrible consequences in the future.”

“I’m sure… the road to hell and all that… besides, trying to convince anyone to not sail on her or tell the officers about the iceberg before it happens would convince anyone you are more of a loony than you appear,” she said smiling indulgently.

“There IS a trip that I’d love to take you on however,” I told her, laughing. “Would you believe that in my time there is a Dorothy Parker Society that meets regularly here at the Gonk? Tours your old haunts, promotes your writing but mainly an excuse to party and they like to dress up in 1920’s outfits - they even have a Dorothy Parker lookalike contest…”

“Oh shit! You can’t be SERIOUS?!” she said appalled. “What a dreadful idea…” She smiled, stroking her somewhat uncombed hair. “Sorry…I know I’m a sight…not much on housekeeping either. I daresay if I was to attend I’d never get first prize,” she said mischievously. “But I might at least get honorable mention for best costume…dresses from top designers, Chanel, Hattie Carnegie don’t y’ know? Yes, that would be amusing. I do hope they drink?” she asked with mock concern.

“Well, I’m sure they’d do you proud but I doubt they can toss ’em back like you and your crowd can,” I said grinning.

“Indeed,” she said. “I’m certain that I shall need no embalming fluid after I kick the bucket. Say, you’d better trot along so you don’t miss your train. Come here and give us a kiss goodbye.”

The kids gave her a peck on the cheek and I did the same.

“Dottie, this has been more than wonderful meeting you and the Round Table, Babe Ruth. Everything was fabulous, and of course nobody would believe OUR story. It’s too neat a package, it sounds like a naïve, warmed-over children’s story. This is a great, even revolutionary, decade with plenty of problems - but every time has that. So we are going to enjoy the rest of our trip.” I looked at my pocket watch, “Say, we still have to pick up our tickets - come on, sorry, we have to skedaddle …let’s go!”

Dottie said goodbye leaning on her door frame, cigarette in its elegant holder with that ironic smile of hers.

“DO drop in again when you get some time?” she said with that grin.

“I will. That’s one thing we have plenty of!” I shouted back.

“You’re NUTS!!” she shouted as we turned away.

We headed for the lobby, paid our bill, plus the charges for the telephone calls.

The desk clerk said that I had a telegram marked urgent.

I thought, how odd, nobody could know we were here. I signed for it, the kids looking on puzzled.

“What’s a telegram?” Lauren asked.

“Well, since the 1848 people could communicate through electric wires in Morse Code - a sort of very primitive ‘texting.’ Dots and dashes? Like in the Titanic movies?”

They nodded.

“But that was wireless telegraphy…what we call radio now.”

I opened the yellow Western Union envelope with interest - from Prague, Czechoslovakia:

CAREFUL DANGER GERMAN SPIES STOP HIDE EW WAND FORSICHT STOP WAIT MY ARRIVAL OCT 3 OLYMPIC STOP 7/29 ANTIBE STOP EJHANUSEN

“This is crazy!” I said, puzzled. “Some kind of crank. Early Junk Mail?”

“What is it Lito?” Jonathan asked.

“I don’t know - somebody from Europe knows or at least thinks he knows somebody with my last name. Sent a warning telegram about German spies. Hanusen?? Hmmm. Wants us to wait until he arrives on the Olympic on Tuesday.”

“Whoa! That sounds like fun Lito! Let me see. Why the funny message?”

“Telegrams were charged by the word so messages had to be short and the word ‘stop’ had to do for a period,” I explained. “Anyway we need to get going and catch our train. Mr. Hanusen is just going to have to wait - anyway we’ll be long gone before he knows it. Still, it would be cool to see Titanic’s sister ship…but that will have to wait for another trip, why we might even travel on one of the great liners - always wanted to do the midnight departure thing out of New York.” I jammed the telegram in my pocket.

A well-dressed man with wire rim glasses approached me from the lobby. He did a brief bow, and unconsciously clicked his heels, and proffered his card.

“Hans Georg Prohmann, at your service.” he said with a slight German accent.

“Yes, what can I do for you. We are in rather a hurry, have a train to catch.”

“Ja, vell, I won’t take up much of your time, just a brief word? I was Harry Houdini’s most trusted assistant. Mrs. Bonanno is a good friend of mine und she let me know zat there were some people zat stopped by who expressed much interest in Houdini. As a courtesy to his memory, but only to those who are serious students of the occult, I can offer you a glimpse into the great man’s magic! Ach he was unmatched! There is much that I could share with you if you are interested, yes? I unnerstand zat you haff one of his wands? Mrs. Bonanno mentioned this to me. I would love to examine it. There are certain vands… Mister?”

“Mayer… Mike Mayer.”

“To be sure,” he continued, “There are those, only a few, that are truly dangerous to those unskilled in the arts of magic, yes, while most of his feats were mere tricks, I can assure you that some were very real. I haff witnessed these myself! If I could examine yours, I could ascertain if it is harmless or one of the dangerous ones. I realize this sounds foolish, but you must trust me, for your own safety!”

“Yes, well, I left it locked in my safe deposit box here in New York,” I lied to him. “I do not want to carry it around in my travels. I shall be returning next week, and I will be happy to let you examine it.” I gave him my non-existent Minnesota address.

Mr. Prohmann smiled at this. “Many thanks, I shall be looking forward to our meeting again. Did you mention a train?”

“Yes, well, we have to make a dash to Penn Station, taking the ‘Broadway’ to Chicago and then home.”

“Ach! Excellent… yes, well you should be going. We’ll be in touch?”

“Yes, I can’t thank you enough for your concern. Let me have your address so I can let you know when I’ll be back in town?” I asked trying to act unconcerned, but I was beginning to be really alarmed - This guy probably knows about the wand and is looking for it - to what end?! This could have disastrous consequences! I wrote it down on the back of his card. He seemed satisfied that I was willing to cooperate.

“Till we meet again!” I said smiling.

We shook hands and I gathered the kids who were waiting patiently in the lobby.

“Not another word!” I told them. We all waved at Mr. Prohmann as the doorman took our bags.

“Where to?” he asked.

“Penn Station!” I said loud enough for Mr. Prohmann to hear.

The doorman whistled up a taxi and we piled in.

“Penn Station?” the cabby asked.

I whispered, “Look, we may be followed, please make as if you’re going to Penn Station but we are really going to Grand Central.”

“Got you Mac!” the cabby said, then loud enough for the doorman to hear, “Penn Station it is!”

THE CENTURY

The cab took us to 7th Avenue, turned left out of sight then around left on 42nd for Grand Central. It was 1 o’clock, the train left at 2:45 pm. The cabby made sure we weren’t followed and I gave him a big tip so he was happy. The kids were happy to be heading home but I had to warn them.

“Whew! That was close. We HAVE to be careful NEVER to mention the wand or the future, even joking. Who knows what that guy had in mind? He must know something about the wand and its powers! Too dangerous!”

“We’re sorry. We won’t do it again. Can we get back to our normal clothes now?” they asked.

“Tomorrow, after we get home, I promise.”

We had no trouble walking downstairs from the taxi entrance above to the New York Central ticket windows. There was a fairly long line for the ‘Century’s’ ticket window, but it went fast. The kids marveled at the size and beauty of the station. I showed them the star constellations on the ceiling and the old familiar information booth with its famous clock, same as today.

The ticket agent found our reservation, “Car 2-252 on the Second Section of the 20th Century Limited. That’s the next to last car. Your accommodations are in middle of the car, Section 5 upper and lower berths and lower berth Section 6, lemme see, that car is the ‘Holland,’ OK? Check in at Track 28, you can board anytime.”

It was $7 Extra Fare to ride the famous limited, and it would be refunded if we were late into Chicago.

“Thanks,” I said as he handed over the ticket folder, after paying cash.

“Second Section?” Lauren asked.

“There are too many passengers for one train so they often run the Century as more than one train, in multiple ‘sections’ as they call it. ”

We went over to Track 28’s gate and checked in at the Pullman table, the conductor taking and punching our tickets, telling us to keep the receipts and punched check he handed back. We walked down the ‘Red Carpet’ past the heavy, riveted dark green Pullman cars. The tracks were all underground of course. The 1st section of the Century was on the right side of the platform, Track 27.

Our car the ‘Holland’ was the first one in front of the observation car, the ‘Waldemeer’ an older steel car, with its open observation platform and brass railing on the rear, like a small patio with lounge chairs.

“I want to sit back there!” Jonathan said.

“You can and so do I, so let’s hurry and find our sections and get back there.”

“What’s a section?” Jonathan asked.

“That’s the standard Pullman seat and bed. The seats are made up into beds at night, the upper berth pulls down from the ceiling, and they draw curtains for privacy. You have to use the public bathroom, but it’s real nice.”

The Porter took our bags and led us to the middle of the car, Sections 5 and 6. After putting our bags under the facing seats of Section 5 in our plush, wood-paneled car, we hurried to the back platform with our ticket checks, walking through the observation car where a businessman was making a phone call while in the station - they had a phone hookup in the big stations for the ‘Century.’ The back platform was unoccupied; it was still half an hour before train time. We lounged and watched the passengers, all well-dressed, walk down the red carpet, which was only rolled out for the Century.

At 2:45 pm the first section rolled out, we could hear the clang, clang of the electric engine up ahead. Shortly after, our conductor shouted:

“Booooard!!”

We slowly began rolling without any jerks. Lauren and Jonathan were very excited about riding through the tunnel in the open like this. Two other passengers joined us on the platform as we jogged silently down the track with a low rumbling and ‘clickety, clickety clack, down the track’ is what the train was saying as it accelerated, leaving the lighted platforms behind.

We were moving majestically through the crossover tracks and red signals, then upon entering the old tunnel, we really began to roll, very fast, for what seemed like a long time. We popped out of the tunnel on the four-track mainline that appeared to climb out of the ground through Harlem, looking back at downtown New York on the long viaduct (bridge) that still carries the mainline over Harlem. Racing through 125th Street station, we exchanged waves with commuters, then the sharp curves over the ancient Harlem River Bridge, jogging through the maze of tracks where the Harlem Division splits off to the right for the posh suburbs of Bronxville, Scarsdale, and White Plains.

We rolled past Yankee Stadium, the kids grinning at that; High Bridge, its romantic old stone arches high overhead right next to the Putnam Division’s station with a really old steam engine waiting with a commuter train. We soon hit the long curve along the Harlem River by Kingsbridge and threaded through the tight stone cliffs before curving north at Spuyten Duyvil. Finally we entered the magnificent Hudson River valley, almost a mile wide, well north of where the battleships still were anchored.

“Bye bye, Bruno!” Lauren shouted with a smile.

No George Washington Bridge stretched across the river south of us yet, and it looked so strange. They would start construction next year.

“What are those wooden things like railings along each track?” Jonathan asked.

“That’s the Third Rail, like on the El, remember? Provides the electric power to the engine but this one hangs upside down and is covered by wood, a lot safer,” I explained.

“Oh, yeah. Cool!” he said, satisfied.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon as we dashed along the shore of the Hudson, passing Dobb’s Ferry and Tarrytown, zipping by the old steel commuter trains on the outside track, the wide Tappan Zee without its familiar bridge.

In no time it seemed we entered Croton-Harmon station, with its electric and steam locomotive shops.

“Here’s where we change engines. A steam engine will take us to Chicago. I hope it’s one of the new Hudsons.”

“Hudson?” they asked.

“Yeah, the most advanced engine in the world right now, sometimes they like to call ‘em Thoroughbreds. Let’s go and see - we only have a couple of minutes here.”

Luckily our section of the Century was only 10 cars, so we made it to the head end in time to see the engine change. We were not disappointed. One of the new Hudsons was already attached to the first section on the left side of the platform. Man she was a beauty! Unlike the Bulldog-like Pennsylvania E-6 that brought us from Philadelphia, this was like a huge jungle cat, a giant, with all kinds of modern gadgets to increase efficiency, all muscle with clean, modern lines that said speed and power.

Classic New York Central Hudson From the collection of H. Gerald MacDonald

The 1st Section’s engine, actually the first Hudson, 5200, let out two ear-splitting blasts on her whistle, the signal to depart. We watched our Hudson slowly backing into our section with slow chuffing. It was time to get back on and we headed for the first open door after the Railway Post Office car, the Club-Lounge car. Men were smoking and drinking, only sodas and lemonades but you can bet they also had their hip flasks.

I showed the kids the shower-bath and the barber shop and made arrangements for a shave and haircut, as we pulled out of the station. The kids had a soda while I sat for the shave and haircut, feeling a little nervous as the skilled barber expertly shaved my afternoon stubble with his extra-sharp big old straight razor. If he slipped he could cut me very badly, but all was well and only cost 95 cents.

The kids were glad to get out of the smoky car and we headed back through the train. The Pullman conductor checked our ticket checks and we sat down to relax. Section 5 was along the river side so we all sat together.

Dinner was announced as early as 4:30 pm by a porter playing a set of soft chimes. We were hungry so we headed for the diner two cars in front. We had no trouble getting a seat. The kids found it strange to have to write down our orders, but that was the custom, to avoid any confusion.

The snow-white tablecloths, real silver and special china made for a very attractive meal. I had the Century’s famous Lobster Newburgh and watermelon pickle, the kids split a steak dinner and we all had an ice cream sundae.

It was very pleasant as the October sun set over the river as we approached Albany, crossing the old Maiden Lane Bridge into the Union Station, passing some sleeping cars parked on Track Two. A husky steam switch engine coupled onto the sleepers and pulled them to the rear. After a short time we felt our car nudged forward then back a few times.

“This is only a crew change here so we must be inserting the cars from Boston,” I said “Kids, normally, this is as close to a non-stop run as you’ll find. Say, I have a real surprise for you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, what is it?” they asked.

“Not much of a surprise if I told you, now, is it?”

After dinner we went back to the observation car’s platform in the cool evening crossing through the three new sleeping cars from Boston inserted behind the diner. The car’s porter offered us a blanket which we accepted.

The platform was occupied by a mother and her two kids, a boy and a girl about the kids’ age. We sat down and the kids said hello to each other. The girl, Diana, was very pretty with short hair and white dress, her brother Bill was Lauren’s age.

Jonathan and Lauren could not stop talking with them. I relaxed and enjoyed the night, listening to the clickety-clack and the locomotive’s melodious whistle far ahead as we rolled fast, through the gentle curves of the scenic Mohawk Valley, exchanging a few words with their mother, who was dressed very fashionably with a fur collared coat.

Time for bed, the kids parted as friends and we headed back. Our car had been transformed into a green-curtained jungle, making it hard to find our place, but we found the big numbers on the curtains. Jonathan insisted on taking the upper berth and gleefully climbed the ladder after we washed up, brushed our teeth and, with some difficulty, got undressed in our berths. We put our clothes on the hangers provided leaving our shoes peeking out from under the berth so they would be shined during the night. I arranged to have my suit pressed and hat blocked as well with the valet in the Club-Lounge car up front.

I took the lone lower berth on the right side after tucking in Lauren in the lower berth below Jonathan, who was in the upper looking out through his curtains mischievously in Section 5. The beds looked inviting, fresh white linen and Pullman blankets pulled back and tucked in with military precision, fluffy feather pillows and reading light.

The green curtains gently swayed as we rocketed through the night. The car rode smoothly over the Water Level Route as we picked up speed out of Utica, leaving the Mohawk River behind. The lower berth was one of the most comfortable beds I ever slept in, big, wide and snug.

Lauren got lost after going to the bathroom and stumbled into the wrong berth, but the lady was understanding. It was easy to do in the green-curtained aisle. We slowed down, passing right through downtown Syracuse, right in the middle of a main street just like a streetcar, with automobiles parked next to the sidewalk. We picked up speed again, and I wanted to stay awake through Buffalo where we would meet our eastbound counterpart, (although it was only a crew change stop), as in the famous poster ‘Where Centuries Pass in the Night’ but I didn’t make it, falling asleep in no time, gently rocked by the train.

Next morning came all too soon. We got our act together, got dressed, brushed up and packed and went for breakfast as we zipped past South Bend, Indiana, home of Notre Dame where legendary football coach Knute Rockne continued to make headlines. We had a short wait until the Steward found us places at two tables, me with Diana and Bill’s parents and all four kids together. Pancakes and eggs were the order of the morning. The smell of the coal-fired stove, frying bacon and eggs and railroad coffee was overwhelming.

Everyone started looking at a youngish fellow being seated alone at a table for two. I heard Bill and Diana gasp behind me.

“Who’s that, Diana?” Lauren asked.

Diana leaned over conspiratorially: “That’s Charlie Chaplin!”

“Who?” Lauren asked.

“Huh?” Jonathan said.

“You don’t know Charlie Chaplin?!” Diana asked shocked.

“Oh yeah, the little tramp, right?” Lauren said, having enjoyed some of his silent movies with me on DVD.

As Charlie dug into his grapefruit, he noticed the kids looking at him, waggled his eyebrows at them and began to play around with his silverware as if the grapefruit was a tough piece of meat.

Lauren pictured him in her mind as the starving Little Tramp trying to eat his shoe as he did in “The Gold Rush” and giggled to herself.

“That’s really him? Where’s his mustache?” Jonathan asked.

“Silly, its fake!!! It’s him all right! He’s the bee’s knees!” Diana replied. “I’d love to get his autograph!” She told the kids that her mother said that famous people were always on the Century and it wasn’t good form to ask for autographs.

“Well, we got Babe Ruth’s and Lou Gehrig’s on our baseballs!” Jonathan said.

“Really, can I see?” Bill asked.

“Sure!”

“Can we be excused?” they asked.

“Sure!” I said as they dashed back to our car. Jonathan and Lauren dug in their suitcases and produced the souvenir baseballs.

Diana and Bill were amazed, holding them with reverence.

“How’d you get these?” she asked.

“We rescued Babe Ruth from kidnappers, that’s how!” Jonathan said very cool.

Diana smiled at him, “Come on, really?”

“Yeah, you can ask my Lito, I mean Grandpa.”

Bill and Diana asked me and I told them about that night, and Diana looked at Jonathan in a new way.

“I think she likes you, kid,” I told him. But I told them that if it wasn’t for Lauren, he would not have been rescued. Diana gave Jonathan a shy kiss on the cheek and ran back to her car. He rubbed his cheek with a big smile.

“Yeah,” I told him, words weren’t necessary.

Bill looked at Lauren and suddenly gave her a kiss on the cheek before running away as well.

“Hey, look at you!” I told her.

She smiled.

We didn’t get to see the usual race with the bitterly competitive Pennsylvania Railroad’s crack ‘Broadway Limited’ as the two railroads paralleled each other as they got closer to the Chicago area, running on the exact same times between New York and Chicago, probably because we were at least 5 minutes behind the 1st Section of the ‘Century.’ Darn it! That would have been quite a sight!

We got into Englewood, the station just before downtown Chicago on time at 9:35, just 5 minutes behind the 1st Section. We got off to catch a cab, the city of Chicago shimmering in the distance.

The rip-roaringest, rough-and-tumble, wide-open city of the Jazz Age, the city of Al Capone, ‘Bugs’ Moran, Johnny Torrio, corrupt mayor ‘Big’ Bill Thompson, railroad and meatpacking capital of the country lay before us in the bright morning sun, but we’d do that trip another time.

“Maywood Field!” I told the taxi driver.

He was puzzled, “Oh you mean Checkerboard Field, where the airmail goes from, right?”

“Right!”

“Where are we going, Lito?” the kids asked.

“Why, home to St. Paul and we’re going to fly!”

“Fly?” they asked. “They don’t have planes for passengers do they?”

“Not many, the industry is just getting started, but they do. We’re going to take Northwest Airways to St. Paul!”

FLYING BACK TO THE FUTURE!

The old 1921 Willys taxi ground its gears and headed off for the western suburbs of Chicago.

It was a long, slow ride to Maywood on bumpy roads, only some of them paved. We arrived an hour later at Checkerboard Field. Our flight was supposed to leave at 2 pm via Milwaukee and La Crosse, Wisconsin; Contract Air Mail Route or C.A.M. number 9. We went into the hangar and I bought our tickets, $40 each, no half-fares for kids in those days, from a smiling ticket agent.

“Might as well grab some lunch and get some sandwiches to bring along from the diner across the street. It’s a long flight,” he suggested.

I smiled, no complimentary food service, just like today.

We ate some very good sandwiches across the street with some pilot types, including a weather beaten guy who could pass for a cowboy. Interesting, the bread had to be sliced by hand - pre-sliced bread still hadn’t been invented yet. We got some food to bring along and some water. We ambled back to the airport, home to some old bi-planes of Great War vintage, and some sharp single-wing aircraft as well.

Couldn’t resist a look into the hangar and there she sat, Northwest Airways aircraft number 1, C-872, a single-engine 3-passenger bi-plane Stinson Detroiter in basic black with the old, familiar airmail-era logo on her side, snazzy yellow stripe as well.

From the Ed Coates Collection

The ‘cowboy’ from the diner was adjusting something on the motor, dressed in a full flying suit and leather helmet, when he greeted us.

“You flying with us today or just visiting?” he asked amiably.

“We’re flying to St. Paul.”

“Yeah, that’s right, we have three passengers today, a full load! Hi, I’m Charlie Holman, Operations Manager and your pilot today. Friends just call me ‘Speed.”

“Really?” Jonathan asked. “How high will the plane go?”

“We’ll travel about 7,000 feet or so. It’s good flying weather, and since you’re here and we are only carrying yesterday’s excess mail, we’ll leave early today. Only a bit of mail for La Crosse and we can’t carry any more than three passengers so we may as well hit the road. We can skip the other stops and save some money too,” he said casually.

It was about 1 pm when they rolled her out to the field and the mechanic rotated the propeller to get oil into the cylinders before starting. Speed put our suitcases in the cargo door in the back and we climbed in with some difficulty. The kids were excited, Jonathan jumping up and down. I knew it was safe, and ‘Speed’ Holman himself was the pilot.

They cranked up the engine, whose noise was so loud we had to shout to talk. We buckled our seat belts and he taxied out on the rough field to face downwind and gunned the motor. We started our roll on the bumpy runway and had liftoff, slowly climbing into the air over the treetops. We made a beeline west and Speed shouted to me that we’d ‘fly the rails’ use the railroad tracks to navigate, since the airmail service run by the post office didn’t provide sufficient navigational beacons and radio direction finding was in its infancy.

There were only a few rudimentary instruments, an altimeter that was only partially accurate, requiring the pilot to know the height of the ground below, since it depended on air pressure. He also had a compass of course and the new level flight indicator. Most fliers at the time relied on ‘flying by the seat of your pants’ which meant flying by feeling alone. Army flier and aviation pioneer Jimmy Doolittle had to prove that flying on instruments was the only safe way to fly, and would go on to prove that one could fly blind in 1929, relying only on instruments, a major advance in aviation.

We climbed very slowly. Speed explained that we’d go higher once we burned off more fuel. The kids in the back seats were playing and looking out the window having a great time. At that altitude you could really see things, except for it being rather bumpy. It was fun riding the reliable Stinson mail plane with the famous ‘Speed’ Holman as pilot. He shared a big thermos of coffee with me and brought along two cokes for the kids “compliments of the management” he quipped as we enjoyed our sandwiches.

We got to the Mississippi and made a right turn heading up river. It was beautiful to see the cliff-lined banks at so low an altitude! Very scenic. Gradually we approached La Crosse, with all its familiar islands in the river.

We got to La Crosse’s old airport, Salzar Field south of town and made a quick stop then took off again, the landscape getting more familiar by the minute passing over Winona and Red Wing as we flew up the Mississippi Valley. We then banked west to approach St. Paul from the southwest into the wind, over where our homes should be in Lakeville, near Crystal Lake, only to see farms and wilderness.

Soon, St. Paul came into view and we landed at the brand new airport, what would later be known as Holman Field just at 6 pm as it was getting dark. We thanked him, and watched as he took off on the final leg of the journey to Minneapolis, the short hop to the airfield at the old speedway, Wold-Chamberlain Field, site of today’s Minneapolis St. Paul International Airport.

We took a taxi to the St Paul Hotel and checked in for the night. Except for the Ordway, the square in front of the hotel looks much the same as it does today, the library and Landmark Center opposite each other. I resisted the temptation to ride around on the old streetcars. Just wanted to get back home.

We checked into our expensive room. This is where I hoped to do the ‘snap-back’ to our time, and had booked it before leaving for a couple of days when I calculated our return date, ensuring that the room wouldn’t be occupied.

We changed at last into our modern clothes and took out the ‘magic wand’ again. I hypnotized the kids and myself, feeling the magic work as it vibrated again, letting the wonderful Jazz Age and its precious memories fade and let the present fill our minds back in again. It was easy enough in the right portal and this was it.

We woke up and it was dark. We rubbed our eyes and looked around and saw the reassuring presence of the TV, the thermostat and DVD player.

“We’re baaa-ack!” I said as the kids woke up.

Just then the door opened and a young couple walked in with their bags.

“Oh, we must have the wrong room… say, wait a minute, what are you doing in our room?” the man said. “They told me they had a no-show.” I remembered that if we hadn’t checked in, they’d cancel my reservation and resell the room.

I begged their pardon: “Sorry, our mistake!” and hurried out with our bags. The hotel management would never believe our excuse. As it turned out we arrived back in St. Paul on the day AFTER we traveled in time, two days BEFORE I had calculated our return and our hotel reservation. That is why we ran into that couple! Good thing we ‘appeared’ before they were in the room - we might have seemed like a family of ghosts. Apparently, time travel was much more inaccurate than it appeared, we would have to be more careful in the future.

I had hidden my credit cards, ID and money in my modern clothes so we hailed a cab and headed back. I could retrieve my car from the airport Park and Ride lot later. We were glad to get home.

I told the kids that we couldn’t tell ANYONE about our adventures. If anyone ever DID believe our story, and the magic wand EVER got into the wrong hands, it could be devastating, it could change history, which would give the possessor almost unlimited power.

How tempting to try to change things at critical points in history, even if they were good things! Imagine, what would happen if one could prevent the assassination of Presidents Lincoln or Kennedy? The attack on Pearl Harbor, the sinking of the Titanic? Kill Hitler before he became leader of Germany? 9-11? Maybe it would improve the world, maybe not. Who was I to decide such things? No, I vowed to use it only for research.

Suddenly, I remembered the strange telegram from EJHanusen. I dug it out of my ‘traveling clothes’ and re-read it again and again. EJHanusen? A cold shiver ran up my spine. Hanusen…could it be? EJ - Eric Jan Hanussen - if spelled with a double ‘s’ - the famous Czech ‘hellseher’ or clairvoyant who predicted so much about Hitler. Perhaps he knew about Houdini’s wand - that would explain the EW for Erich Weiss, Houdini’s real name - incredible?

A clairvoyant… supposedly he’d be the only one except maybe the strange man who claimed to be Houdini’s assistant. Funny - he referred to 7/29 Antibe - did he mean July, 1929 in Antibe, the French Riviera? How could he know it had any significance?

It was irresistible. Why not another trip? I HAD to look in on my grandkid’s investments anyway, see Europe in the last year of the Twenties, Paris in its finest hour! Why not visit Antibe on the Riviera, drop by Villa America, the Murphy’s oasis for writers? Dottie, F. Scott Fitzgerald and for sure Hemingway would be there - wouldn’t Dottie be surprised? Then I could maybe run into Mr. Hanussen and see what all the fuss was about. German spies? This was well before Hitler came to power and World War II. Germany was no threat to anyone yet, it was only the weak, rather happy-go-lucky Weimar Republic. But what about Herr Prohmann, Houdini’s assistant, could HE could be one of the spies that Hanussen was referring to?

After we returned, I tried looking him up. I eventually turned up some fragments of his diary, which I obtained from an Ebay store specializing in such things. It had to be the same man we met who wanted to see if the wand was genuine.

According to those fragments of that diary, he was the only person besides ourselves who conclusively knew about the wand. I included these strange entries at the beginning of our story.

If we took the next trip, even if he found us again, he really didn’t know that it is THE wand; he really didn’t know that we came from the future and even if he did, he probably didn’t know how to use it. He would probably have no idea that we returned since I doubt he could spend the time watching the General Post Office for two more years, assuming he was the man I suspected of following me on our last day, nor would the German consulate waste time on such a hare-brained notion… no, that should be no problem, if we are more careful next time. Still, the wand is too powerful a weapon to leave lying around so I hid it where nobody could find it until our next trip through time. We would have to be extra careful!

By a strange coincidence we went back to near Philadelphia to stay with my wife’s cousin in Lancaster and for fun, we took the kids back to Philly to visit Independence Hall again, in March. Both my wife and I, with her cousin, her husband and their son Alex, were on the tour. It was mid-afternoon and the kids were running loose in the building, laughing and chasing each other.

They came up to me breathless and told me they had to go to the bathroom.

I told them to go ahead but “Meet us back here, fast, OK?”

“OK Lito!” Jonathan said to me, then turning to Lauren with a mischievous grin, “Come on Lauren, let’s hide from Alex!!”

They ran and found an old supply closet.

“Our cousin will never find us in here!” Jonathan said enthusiastically. He unlatched the door when nobody was looking and they both snuck inside. Lauren smiled shyly at Jonathan and pulled something out of her jacket.

“Look what I found Jonathan!”

He grinned from ear to ear… “The Magic Wand! Let’s try it!”

To be continued -

Note:

All events, schedules, and as many prices as possible were carefully researched from various books and vintage magazines and the NY Times at the Univ. of Minnesota Library archives.

Bibliography:

Fitzpatrick, Kevin C. (2005). A Journey into Dorothy Parker’s New York. San Francisco: Roaring Forties Press.

Meade, Marion (2004). Bobbed Hair and Bathtub Gin - Writers running Wild in the Twenties. New York: Harcourt, Inc.

John Maxtone-Graham (1972). The Only Way to Cross. United States of America: Barnes & Noble Books.

Alvin F. Staufer, Edward L. May (1975) Thoroughbreds, Medina, Ohio: Published by Alvin F. Staufer

Alvin F. Staufer, Bert Pennypacker (1962) Pennsy Power, United States of America: Published by Alvin F. Staufer

The New York Times on microfilm, September 24 – October 1, 1927

Links: Railroad Museum of Pennsylvania http://www.rrmuseumpa.org/about/roster/e6.shtml

The Algonquin Round Table (Wikipedia): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algonquin_Round_Table

About Author

Michael Alan Mayer (1951 - Born in New York, raised in Florida since 1958 and residing in Minnesota since 1989, he is a serious history and time travel buff. He holds an MA in History from Delhi University in India (St. Stephen’s College), and a BA from University of Wisconsin, Madison. He spent thirty-two years in the airline industry. An avid collector of vintage periodicals of historical significance, he believes that history can be best experienced by not only studying the facts but by seeing things through the eyes of its contemporaries as it happened in the old newspapers and magazines. “As close to time traveling as you can get - so far.”

Content

Time Trippers
The Nights of the Round Table
by Michael Alan Mayer
Illustrated by Rachelle Meyer

PROLOGUE

THE PORTAL

THE CLOCKER

THE SPEED QUEEN

NEW YORK CITY

NIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE

FIFTH AVENUE

WALL STREET

LINERS

CONEY ISLAND

THE WESTSIDE COWBOYS

GOOD NEWS

SPEAK EASILY

BRUNO THE BEAR

THE HOUSE THAT RUTH BUILT & MURDERERS ROW

PARTY

KIDNAPPED

COWBOYS TO THE RESCUE

POSSE

NINJA!

SIXTY

HOUDINI’S HOUSE

JONATHAN SPILLS THE BEANS

THE CENTURY

FLYING BACK TO THE FUTURE!

Note:

Bibliography:

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