Beautiful Misery

Book 2 The Beautiful Series

By Chandin Whitten

I am in misery

And there ain’t nobody who can comfort me

Oh yeah

Why won’t you answer me?

The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah.

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

And now I’m gonna get you back

Now I’m gonna get you back.

Maroon 5

ACKOWLEDGMENTS

I want to thank my amazing husband and all his support and sacrifices. He has been my biggest cheerleader (too bad I couldn’t get him to put on my old uniform and wave the pompoms around) and support system. Without him I never would have had the balls…well vagina, to write. I wouldn’t know what to do without you. You can piss me off better than anyone, but you’re the only one who can make me smile. Thanks for not getting jealous of my many one night stands with Gage and Larkin, as well as the many hotties in the future. But really, who couldn’t love a tatted & pierced, muscled up man? Next, my two beautiful and crazy little ladies. Momma loves the hell outta you, Bella & Macy. There were times when I was writing and I would be so pissed I would want to slam my laptop against the wall. Then, Bella would open her pretty little mouth and spew the fuck’s, shits, and damn’s I was thinking of saying, making me laugh. Ya, I’m a bad mom…get the fuck over it. I laugh when my kid cusses..big fuckin’ deal! Love my munchkin monsters!

Annie & Heather. God I fuckin’ love you bitches! Thank you for being available any time of day or night, like my own personal whore. Always there to answer my dumbass questions or to send me virtual coffee & cupcakes. You ladies have put in just as much effort and time into my writing as I have. I would be lost without all your help. God knows how needy I can be…and thankfully you two are there for me.

My friends & family who have supported my crazy dream to be a writer. Thank you! This has been an amazing journey and it’s only beginning.

My smutty sisters- Thank you for all the late night lovely pictures for inspiration. And, for all the laughs and hilarious stories to make my long coffee filled nights a little less draining. I love you all!

To my football floozies, thank you from the bottom of my heart (that’s saying a lot…my heart is kinda like stone) thank you. I have got to meet so many wonderful people through my writing. I wouldn’t be anybody without y’all.

Much love, peace, and sexy men,

Chandin Whitten xox

Dedication

For my Father In-Law, Garth Whitten.

1.23.1958 – 7.24.2013

He inspired so much of this book.

He inspired me.

He brought out emotions in me I didn’t know existed.

He taught me to fight with everything I had.

He taught me when you get knocked down, you simply stand back up. You brush the dirt off with your middle finger in the air, and say you hit like a bitch.

He taught me to be Cowboy Strong.

Fuck Cancer!

www.Facebook.com/CowboyStrongFoundation

www.FuckCancerFoudation.org

We’ve got to hold on to what we got

‘Cause it doesn’t make a difference

If we make it or not.

We’ve got each other and that’s a lot

For love- we’ll give it a shot.

Whooah we’re half way there

Livin’ on a prayer.

Take my hand and we’ll make it- I swear

Livin’ on a prayer.

Bon Jovi

1

Gage

Groaning, I rolled over only to come face to face with some naked brunette. Using my hands I scrubbed my face and sighed. She must have heard me because her makeup smeared eyes popped opened.

“Morning, sexy.” The unknown girl purred.

Attempting to climb on top of me I placed my hands on her tiny shoulders and pushed her off. Shaking my head I said, “Don’t think so sweetheart. You can get dressed and go. I’m going to get a shower and when I get out I expect you to be gone.”

The girl huffed, “You really are an ass.”

Shrugging I replied, “But you still came back to my house. You got what you wanted and I got what I wanted, so you are free to go.”

With no shame the girl climbed from my bed, she was beautiful but she wasn’t my girl. She wasn’t Jenna, no one was. Closing my eyes, pictures of Jenna flashed through my mind. It had been eighteen months since she walked away from me. Eighteen months of hell. I always knew she would pick Larkin, and he was right for her, for their family. But it still hurt. I wanted to see her happy and she was, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. When we were around each other or on the phone I acted like nothing was wrong. I acted as if my life was amazing as NFL football star, Gage Tucker. I never let on as to how hurt I was, how broken I had become. Giving her to Larkin nearly tore me apart, but I held it together for her, to see that she was happy. She deserved it, after everything she had been through, no one in the world deserved happiness more than her.

A tapping on my shoulder brought me back to reality. Opening my eyes I glared at the girl. “What?” I bit out.

She smirked and said, “Know where my panties are? Someone was impatient last night and tossed them, now I can’t find them.”

Using my thumb and pointer finger I rubbed my eyes hard only stopping to pinch the bridge of my nose. “Fuck. I don’t know. Can’t you write down your address? If I find them, I will mail them to you.”

Crossing her arms, random girl pursed her lips and bit out, “You can’t be fucking serious? I am not giving you a free souvenir while I walk away with nothing. Give me something of yours.”

Completely naked, I jumped from my bed and stomped to my dresser. Yanking open the top drawer I grabbed the first pair of boxers I saw and tossed them at her. “There, now get out.”

Not waiting for her to say anything I stomped into my bathroom and slammed the door, locking it behind me. Turning on the shower I waited until I heard my apartment door slam shut before I got in. The hot water stung as it hit my skin, I found it calming. This sting was nowhere near the sting I felt every day, coming home to nothing. Walking into an empty apartment I had picked out for the family I thought would be living here. Instead, that family was on the opposite side of the country.

When the water started to chill I shut it off and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my waist. Opening my bathroom door I padded across my room to my dresser. I was halfway through pulling my sweatpants up when I heard voices coming from the other side of my bedroom door. Figuring the random girl hadn’t left, and in fact had stayed and invited friends over I threw open my bedroom door and yelled, “What the fuck are you…”

I stopped mid-sentence as the cutest little girl came bouncing toward me. Just as she jumped, I picked her up and hugged her tight.

“Unky Gage! Mama has pwize fa you.” Evie giggled.

Looking up from the sweetest face I saw Jenna and Larkin, holding hands and smiling. Burying my jealousy I plastered a smile on and walked to them. Still holding Evie I wrapped one arm around Jenna’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head. Jenna stepped away as Larkin and I shared a man hug.

Jenna used her fingers to move Evie’s wild hair out of her eyes then stared at me before asking, “Who were you yelling at?”

Not wanting to tell her the truth but not wanting to lie I chewed my bottom lip for a minute then said, “I had a few people over last night. I told them to leave a while ago and when I heard voices after I got out of the shower, I figured she…err ugh they were still here.”

Evie wiggled and I sat her on the floor and watched her run down the hall to the room with all her toys.

Turning back to Jenna and Larkin they were both smirking at me. Jenna was the first to say something. “She, huh?”

Larkin clapped my back and laughed. “Man, it’s a wonder there isn’t a thousand little Gage’s out there running around.”

Smiling I shook my head and said, “Fuck off. Your gorgeous little girl said you had a surprise. What is it?” Larkin kissed Jenna’s cheek and I couldn’t help the jealousy that ripped through me but I held my smile and waited.

Jenna had the biggest smile as she spoke, “You like being Evie’s uncle, right?” I nodded and she continued, “How would you feel about being an uncle of three?”

Not connecting the dots I pulled my brows together and asked, “Dylan knocked someone up? How do you know that before me?”

Larkin and Jenna both laughed. Then Jenna shook her head and said, “No, I’m knocked up. This fucker did it double time this time. I’m having twins.” Jenna rubbed her hand over her belly, I could see it now. She had a small bump in her stomach.

Looking between Jenna and Larkin I finally said, “Wow, congratulations. But, is this safe? Will you and the babies be okay?”

They both nodded their heads and Jenna said, “Yes. I will obviously be high risk and will most likely end up on bed rest but my doctor said everyone should be fine.”

I pulled Jenna into a tight hug then clapped Larkin’s shoulder. “So who else knows?” I asked.

Jenna bit her lip and answered, “No one. I just found out a few weeks ago. We went home a week ago and I had to hide it from everyone. Kota was in some trouble. He’s now in rehab and hopefully he gets out and stays clean.”

Kota had been like my little brother. With a concerned voice I asked, “What was going on with him? Is he safe? Where is he at for rehab?”

Jenna looked at Larkin, I could see her tears building. Looking back at me I saw so much hurt as she spoke, “He hasn’t taken dad’s death very well. Basically he feels abandoned. He turned to drugs and I think he was drinking too, maybe having sex. But Larkin talked to him and got him to go to rehab. He’s at Gulf Coast Rehab for twelve weeks.”

Nodding my head as I let all the information I was just given absorb, I raked my hands through my hair, clasping them behind my head. “So, he’s going to be ok?”

Both Jenna and Larkin nodded.

“I hope so, your mom doesn’t need anything else happening to her. So why did you fly all the way to NYC to tell me your pregnant?”

Jenna ducked her head and said, “Well, we are waiting until Evie’s birthday so we can tell everyone together. And since you said you weren’t sure if you would be able to make it to her party we decided to come here and tell you.”

Smiling I said, “I told you I wouldn’t be in town on her birthday. I never said I wouldn’t be at her party. You’re having it in Fairhope, right?”

Jenna nodded, looking confused. “Yes. If it’s nice we want to have a beach party. She loves the ocean. And instead of trying to have everyone fly to San Diego we opted for Fairhope. Only a few people would have to fly in for that.”

“Look at you being all considerate,” I joked.

“Ass,” Jenna said as she smacked my shoulder.

“But, I will be at Evie’s party. I couldn’t miss my favorite little girl’s birthday. I am actually leaving in a few days to go to Fairhope. I’m looking into opening a bar on the beach in the old Surfer’s Soul place. If I do, I will be in Fairhope for a while, probably until I have to be back here for football.”

“That is amazing. I am so proud of you. You have always said you wanted a place like that on the beach,” Jenna said excitedly.

“We better get free drinks, fucker,” Larkin joked.

“I figured I might as well do it know, while it’s just me and I don’t have someone telling me what I can and can’t do.” I winked at Larkin. Jenna narrowed her eyes at Larkin when he started laughing.

“No, man. It’s not like that at all. Life is all fuckin daisies and lollipops.” Larkin’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

Jenna scowled as she said, “You both can go to hell. I’m going to check on my girl.”

Larkin and I both watched as Jenna walked away. Larkin shook his head and said, “God, I fucking love her.”

Giving him a sad smile I whispered, “Yeah, me too.”

Larkin didn’t hear me or ignored my comment. He instead started walking after his wife, the women who was at one time my best friend and had my ring on her finger. I sighed and followed Larkin.

We spent the rest of the afternoon playing with Evie and talking about life, well mainly their life. I tried to keep mine as vague and simple as possible.

When Evie started getting restless Jenna said they needed to go. Their plane left early the next morning, Larkin had to get back for some meetings.

“Why don’t y’all stay here? I can drive you to the airport in the morning.” I said.

Evie started prancing around and singing, “Sweep ober wif Unky Gage yay yay yay!”

Jenna laughed. “Well, I guess it’s been decided. Good thing you got a three bedroom apartment.”

Jenna didn’t know I had gotten this place when we were together. She didn’t know this was supposed to be our place. Looking at Jenna as she watched her daughter dance around I said, “Yeah, sure is. I really don’t have food since I wasn’t planning on being here after tomorrow. I can run to the store or we can order something for dinner.”

Jenna smirked and said, “Let me take a look. I’m sure you have something that I can make.”

Gesturing towards the kitchen with my hand, I mumbled, “Go for it.”

A few minutes later Jenna yelled from the kitchen, “This is hopeless! Let’s just order pizza or something. You sir, have nothing.”

Shrugging I said, “Told you. Just pepperoni for you?”

Jenna smiled and nodded. “Yes, please.”

Walking away I pulled out my phone and called the pizza place a few blocks away.

After dinner Jenna, Larkin, and Evie told me goodnight and all went to my spare bedroom, well the one that wasn’t covered in Evie’s toys.

Trying to fall asleep was nearly impossible. Just knowing the girl I loved was a few rooms away was torture. It felt like I had just got to sleep when there was knocking on my door. Slightly opening the door, Jenna poked her head in and said, “Hey. It’s a little after eight. Our flight leaves at eleven, do you still want to drive or would it be easier if we got a cab?”

Sitting up I ran my hand through my hair and yawned. “I told you I would take you. Give me ten minutes and we can leave.”

Jenna rested her head on the door and sighed. “Gage, I don’t know what’s wrong with you but I’m here. If you need to talk…” Jenna shrugged before continuing, “I’m always here. I love you and you mean so much to not just me but Evie and Larkin, too.”

Plastering on a fake smile I said, “I’m fine. I am living the life.”

Jenna rolled her eyes before stepping back and closing the door. Feeling my smile fade I got out of bed and took a quick shower and got dressed.

Grabbing my keys and wallet off my dresser I walked out my bedroom door and into the living room asking, “Ready?”

Pulling into the airport I put my Mercedes in park and climbed out. Pulling the two suitcases from my trunk I sat them on the ground and pulled Evie into my arms. “Be a good girl, ok? I will see you in a few weeks for your birthday. Love you, babygirl.”

“Wub you too, Unky Gage,” Evie said as she squeezed her tiny arms around my neck.

Standing Evie next to Larkin, I shook his hand and told him bye. Turning to Jenna I placed my hands on either side of her face and kissed her forehead. “Love you, be safe. See you soon.”

Dropping my hands I turned to walk back to my car. Just before I opened my door I heard Jenna say, “Love you too. Remember what I said and just know, I know you better than you know you.”

Smirking I said, “Not anymore babe. See you in a few weeks.” Not waiting I opened my door and jumped inside, speeding off.

I spent my day on the phone making plans and arrangements to open my own bar on the beach. But, in the back of my mind I couldn’t stop thinking about Jenna. After a long day I decided to hit up a few clubs in the city, hopefully clear my mind…if only for a few hours.

Five beers, eleven shots, and three jack and Cokes later I was feeling pretty good. When the pretty girl with jet black hair walked up beside me, she had my full attention.

“Hi, I’m Tara.”

Nodding once I tipped my beer in her direction and said, “Hi Tara, I’m Gage. But, I’m sure you knew that.”

Tara winked and pushed her tits together. “You look like you could use some company.”

Smirking I asked, “Wanna help me out with that?”

2

Cobie

Yawning, I tapped my pen on my notebook. Who knew libraries were so damn hot? I felt my eyes getting heavy and struggled to continue reading about and memorizing the two hundred and however many bones in the body. I had been at this for three hours and I still couldn’t tell you where your scapula, ulna, or sacrum were. If all this studying didn’t pay off I’m pretty sure I would kill myself. Whoever gave me the great idea to become a doctor should be shot. Oh yeah, my damn brother. Always pushing me. Even from the opposite side of America he still manages to have a say in my life. If I didn’t love his wife and daughter so much I might just kill him.

Taking a deep breath I leaned back in the uncomfortable library chair. Closings my eyes I removed my black frame glasses and used my fists to rub my eyes until I was seeing stars.

“Cobie?” I heard a familiar voice ask. A voice I never thought I would hear again.

Popping my eyes open and looking around it took me a moment to find the person that voice came from. Leaning against the bookcase, feet crossed at his ankles and arms crossed over his chest was Braylon Edwards. My childhood crush and my brothers best friend from high school. Sexy as sin. And the one person my brother now hates and does not want me around.

Knowing I shouldn’t but doing it anyway, I scooted my chair back and stood, watching as Bray pushed off the bookcase and walked toward me. “Bray? What the hell?” I asked a little confused.

Wrapping his arms around me he hugged me to his chest, lifting my feet off the ground. “Damn girl. Look at you all grown up.”

Setting me back on the ground Bray took a step back, looking me up and down. I wanted to crawl under the table. The expression on his face was unreadable, maybe slightly amused.

Trying to get the focus off me I asked, “Why are you here?”

“Hell, I go here now. Figured it was time to grow up and do something with my life.”

Smiling I said, “That’s precious. Look at you growing up and being responsible.”

Bray glanced at my large anatomy book on the table then raised an eyebrow and brought his gaze back to me. “So what are you going for, nursing?” Bray asked, his voice deep.

“Ha. I wish. I let my pain in the ass brother talk me into going to be a doctor. I have to know all the bones in the body by tomorrow.”

Bray scrunched his face. “Ugh tomorrow of what year?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Looking at my book and notes I said, “I have been at this for three hours and couldn’t tell you ten bones in the damn body. This shit ain’t no joke. I am ready for spring break and spending time with Evie on the beach.”

Looking confused Bray asked, “Evie? I didn’t know you had a kid.”

Shaking my head I grabbed my phone off the table. Unlocking my screen I saw the picture of my beautiful niece. Handing Bray my phone I said, “Evie is Larkin’s daughter. She will be two next month.”

While staring at my phone he said, “No shit. I didn’t know he had a kid either. Is it with that one chic he brought home a few years ago?”

“Yes, her name is Jenna. They got married about seven months ago.”

“Damn. I’ve missed a lot. I follow his football but I didn’t know he was a family man now. Never figured that life for him.” Bray tried playing it off but I could see he was jealous of my brother and the life he had.

Larkin had worked his ass off to get where he is. True, in his teen years he was fucked up but he was my brother and he deserved happiness. He had that with Jenna and Evie, I was happy for him.

“Yep. He grew up and found an amazing girl that straightened him out.”

Bray scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I guess I’m a little late to grow up. But, better late than never. Maybe I need to find that special girl to straighten me out.”

Laughing I placed my hand on Bray’s shoulder. “Braylon Edwards, there is no straightening you out. I don’t think there is a girl out there that could tame you.”

Giving me a half smile Bray said, “Probably not but we’ll see.” Bray ran his hand across my shoulder and bit down on his lip before asking, “Are you hungry? I was on my way out to get dinner when I saw you. Want to grab something to eat with me?”

Blinking a few times, I cleared my throat and nodded. “Sure, just let me pack my stuff. I really need a break anyway.” Grabbing my books and notebook I stuffed them into my backpack. “Ready?’

Bray freely roamed my body with his eyes. “You have no idea.”

He made me nervous but I didn’t want him to know that. I had always been the annoying little sister with the witty comebacks, I wasn’t about to let him turn me into a mushy mess. I was Cobie fucking Nayler and no man, no matter who he was would break me.

Giving him a small smile, I winked and patted his hard stomach, “Let’s go dirty boy. I’m hungry and still have a shit ton of studying to do. Where you taking me to eat?”

Bray licked his lips as he turned to walk. “I was thinking take out and a movie. It’s been a long time since we’ve hung out and it sounds like we have a lot of catching up to do.”

Laughing I replied, “It has and yes, there has been a lot happen since I’ve seen you.”

Bray stopped and looked at me questioningly, “A lot happen with you and a guy?”

Tilting my head, I asked, “Are you asking if I have a boyfriend?”

Flicking his eyes down to the platinum ring with tiny diamonds forming intertwining X’s on my left ring finger he shrugged and started walking again. “Maybe.”

“Huh. Then maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” I said sarcastically. “But, the ring you were just eyeballing is from Larkin. He gave it to me when he moved to San Diego. It’s supposed to let me know that he’s always with me and always here to give me a hug when I need it.” Stopping, I held my hand up so Bray could see the intricate design of diamonds going around the band.

Bray rubbed his thumb over the ring and caught my eyes with his. “Maybe someday, some lucky guy will be good enough to sweep you off your feet and put his own ring on your finger.”

I was speechless. Bray was sarcastic. Bray was a dick. Bray was a smartass. Braylon Edwards. Was. Not. Sweet.

Bray winked at me before asking, “Did you drive?”

Shaking my head I said, “No, I live on campus in Ritter Hall.”

“Not too far from me. I have an apartment off of Elkwood Drive in Cambridge Heights Apartments. We can eat and hang out for a while then I can drop you off before I go to work.”

“Braylon, did you just ask me on a date and to stay the night with you?”

“No ma’am I did not. I don’t date and I work nightshift, ten at night until ten in the morning,” Bray answered.

“Oh.” I dropped my eyes from him to the floor.

Following him out the door I saw his jacked-up truck sitting in the parking lot. He still had the same silver Dodge Ram with giant tires and tinted windows. The average sized person couldn’t see into the windows it was so high. Even if you were tall enough to look in the window’s you couldn’t, they were tinted jet black.

I had always loved his truck. I had also heard stories about this truck and all the women who had experienced this truck.

“I get to ride in the infamous truck?” I asked, a little smartassy.

Bray stopped mid step and turned to look at me, raising an eyebrow. “Infamous?” He asked acidulously.

Slowly, I nodded. “Uhh huh. All the girls wanted a ride in this truck. Or maybe they wanted to ride the driver of this truck. Either way, the girls back home would drop their panties for a chance to be in there.”

Bray smirked. “What about you?”

Shit.

Feeling my cheeks heat, I worried my bottom lip with my teeth. “What would you do if I said yes?”

Taking a few steps so he was standing directly in front of me, he grabbed my hips and pulled me into his hard body. Looking up I saw his dark eyes sparkling.

“Your brother would kill me if he knew the thoughts that are running through my head right now.”

Sucking in a breath, I said, “My brother’s over two thousand miles away. He would never know. Besides, I’m not that fourteen year old little girl anymore.”

What the hell? My brother would never know? Why does this feel like I’m sneaking around with the bad boy I’m banned from seeing?

“Trust me, I know.” Bray released me and stepped back. “Let’s go eat. Maybe we should just go to Skyline and eat-in. Things could go very, very bad if we are alone in my place.”

Sighing, I nodded. “Skyline with extra onions, please.”

Bray shook his head and let a small smile play on his lips.

Opening my door, he held his hand out to help me climb in. Once I was inside he shut my door and jogged around to the driver’s side and got in. The drive to Skyline was short and silent.

Pulling into the parking lot he found a parking spot and shut his truck off. Without looking at me he opened his door and got out. Letting my head fall back onto the headrest I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

I shouldn’t have come with him. I shouldn’t be here. I feel like a cat being teased with a treat. I want Bray, I have since I was little. Agreeing to go to dinner with him was just salt in the wound. Bray would never want me. Biggest reason being I was Larkin’s little sister.

Forcing my eyes open I grabbed the door handle and shoved it open. Bray was standing at the front of the truck, watching me closely.

“Everything ok?” Bray asked.

Giving my head a hard nod, I walked passed Bray. “Yep. Let’s go eat.”

Once we were sitting at a booth in the back Bray handed me a menu. Holding it up so he couldn’t see my face I pretended to look over the menu so I wouldn’t have to look at him. I had been getting the same thing from Skyline since I was five. One cheese coney, no mustard or onion and chili cheese fries.

“Hi, my name’s Staci. I’ll be your waitress tonight. Can I get you something to drink or are you ready to order?”

“We’re ready,” I blurted out, my voice a little high.

Bray looked from me to the waitress then back to me. “I guess we’re ready.”

Staci laughed then looked to me. “Ok, we will start with you.”

Forcing a smile I said, “I would like a cheese coney, no mustard or onion and a chili cheese fry with a sweet tea please.”

Bray asked, “No extra onions?”

Sticking my tongue out I said, “Nope, I hate onions.”

Smiling at me he said, “I want four cheese coneys with onions, no mustard and a four way. Mt. Dew to drink, please.”

Staci couldn’t keep her eyes off Bray, I couldn’t blame her. She repeated our order back to us before walking away.

“So are you going to ignore me all night now?” Bray asked.

“Huh? I’m not ignoring you.”

Bray gave a short laugh. “Yes you are. Cobie, believe me when I say I want you. Bad. You’re sexy, funny, and have a brain in your head. But you’re too good for me. I’m not the kinda guy you need. You need someone who can promise you a future, that’s not me. Fuck, I can barely promise one night, let alone one month or one year.”

Well hell. I might as well speak my mind too. “Bray, I have had a crush on you since I was little. Pretty sure you have known for a while that I have always liked you. I always wanted to be that girl in your truck. Even if it was for just one night.”

Bray went to say something but he saw Staci walking to our table with our food. “This isn’t over. Eat then we can talk in my truck.”

Rolling my eyes I looked at our waitress and smiled. “Thank you.”

We both ate without saying another word. Once Bray paid I slowly followed him back to his truck. He again, opened my door and helped me in, shutting the door behind me. But this time he didn’t jog around to the driver’s side, instead he drug his feet getting around the truck and climbing inside.

Putting his keys in the ignition he went to start the truck but stopped. Rotating his body so he was looking at me Bray gave me a simple smile.

Just as I was going to say something he was lunging at me, swallowing my mouth with his, letting his tongue explore my mouth. He took no time in unbuttoning my shorts and sliding them down. Pushing his hand into my panties he pulled them down.

I was finally getting the man I wanted. He finally noticed me as someone other than his best friends little sister.

Bray never said a word as he unbuttoned his jeans and slid them and his boxers down. Picking my legs up, he scooted me down and rested my calves on his shoulders.

This was the moment I had always dreamed about. And well, let’s just say it was better in my dreams. Good thing he looked like walking sex because he sure wasn’t blessed in other regions. It was over before I realized he had even started.

Braylon Edwards was not the sex God I thought.

Maybe it was just because we were in just a small space? Maybe it was because it had been a few months since I’d had sex? Maybe it was because he was nervous to have sex with me? Maybe next time would be better? Maybe I’m just making excuses for the guy all my dreams were about. There would be no next time, who was I kidding. This was a one-time thing. A wam bam thank you ma’am.

Once my shorts were buttoned and I was upright in my seat I looked out the window to the street light bouncing off the passing cars. “I really should get back to my dorm and study. Do you mind dropping me off there? I can get my car tomorrow.”

Bray started his truck and didn’t say anything until he was on the road. “Sure. I should probably go home and try to sleep for an hour or so anyway.”

When he pulled up to my dorm I all but jumped out of his truck. As I was closing the door I said, Bye, Bray.” Not waiting for his response I shut my door and walked up the steps to my dorm.

Waking up the next morning I went to grab my purse so I could take my birth control.

Shit!

I was in such a hurry to get out of Bray’s truck I forgot my purse. Looking across the room I saw that my roommate, Laney, was awake. Looking at my alarm clock I saw that it was a little after eleven. Hopefully Bray was home from work. I had three hours until my test. I needed to get my purse and I needed to study.

“Lans, can I borrow your car for a few minutes. I forgot my purse last night and don’t have my keys.”

Laney didn’t take her eyes off her book as she said, “Sure. Keys are on my desk.”

Hopping out of bed I grabbed her keys. “Thanks, you’re a doll. Be back in twenty.”

She grunted and waved as I shuffled out our door.

Making the five minute drive to Bray’s apartment I tried telling myself this wouldn’t be awkward. It was a simple hookup. A hookup I want to forget ever happened.

Pulling into Cambridge Heights parking lot I parked next to Bray’s truck. Luckily it was a single building with a list of the tenants and what apartment they were in. Looking at the list I found Bray.

EDWARDS, BRAYLON   APT. 3B

I slowly walked up the stairs to the third floor. The carpet was old and worn, the walls were yellowed from smoke or maybe it was the low lighting? The air was thick with old smoke, and a hint of marijuana. Kinda creepy.

Looking to the left I saw 3B on the second door. Rolling my eyes at how pathetic I was feeling I took a few steps toward the door and knocked.

“Coming.” I heard a female voice call from inside.

The door opened and a gorgeous blonde stuck her head out. She pursed her lips, looking me up and down. With a bitchy attitude asked, “Who are you?”

I can have an attitude too, bitch.

“I’m Cobie. Who are you? I was looking from Bray. Is he here?”

Blonde bimbo bitch let a sly smile take over her face. “He sure is, but he can’t come to the door. He’s a little wore out from last night and this morning. I guess I was just too much to handle.”

Ugh. Seriously? Peeking my head around her I saw my purse sitting on the kitchen bar. Could this chic be anymore slutty?

“I’m sure you were too much sweetheart, right after I was. I left my purse in his truck last night after he fucked me. And trust me honey, I was done with him and his teeny weeny last night. He is all yours. I just want my purse. So, if you would excuse me that would be great,” I said sardonically.

Pushing passed the girl I grabbed my purse off the counter and smirked at her dumbfounded face as I walked out the door and jogged down the steps.

Me-1

Blonde Bimbo Bitch-0

Oh my fucking God. I knew Bray was a man whore but that was a little much. He has sex with me then picks up some other girl and has sex with her, too. Now I see why my brother never wanted me around him. He was disgusting.

I stomped into mine and Laney’s room. “Guys are douche canoes!”

Laney snorted, “I could have told you that.”

“I’m going to take a shower and wash this nastiness off. Study when I’m done? I have a few hours before my final.”

Laney nodded. “You know it.”

I jerked my shower bag off my desk and went to shower off Braylon Edwards and his dirty dick.

3

Gage

Mine. This place was mine.

I wanted to call Jenna. I wanted to let her know I did it. But I wouldn’t call. I wouldn’t put myself through that. She wasn’t mine. This wasn’t her dream, well not anymore. Growing up we always talked about the bar we would open in Fairhope when I was the big football star. But, now this dream was mine. Not ours. Her dreams were with Larkin. And, my dreams…my dreams were with…

Me.

I had no one to share this with. I was alone. I was surrounded by hundreds of people, but still it felt like I was on my own. It felt like I was standing in the middle of an empty stadium screaming at the top of my lungs with no one around to hear.

I had always thought when all my dreams came true they would be with Jenna. And, at one point just a few years ago that was true. Now, I avoided her calls, text, and emails. I had to. I had to distance myself. Jenna was the one girl I had always loved and always would. I would never get over her. She was my one.

But, I wasn’t hers.

Walking to the middle of the large, empty wood floor I sat down. I was the NFL’s leading Quarterback. I had women chasing me. Men wanted to be me. To the outside world I had it all. To the world I was everything. To me, I was nothing.

Lying back, I crossed my arms behind my head and stared at the plain white ceiling. I had three weeks to get this place in shape and have it ready for opening night and Evie’s birthday.

I had a lot to do in those three weeks. First thing, building a deck over-looking the ocean and the large piece of beach I now owned. Jenna and I had it all planned out. With or without her I would bring our childhood dream to life. This place would be turned into an oasis of ocean.

“Gage? You here bro?” Dylan’s voice carried in through the open door.

“Inside.”

I closed my eyes and heard Dylan’s heavy footsteps getting closer.

“Why the hell you layin’ on the floor like a two year old? Shit, are you drunk already? It’s barely noon asswipe.” His voice raising with anger.

Dylan may be five years younger than me but these days he was just as big as I was with a go-to-hell attitude and a no filter mouth. The kid was badass, even if he was my little brother. He had been by my side since Jenna walked away from me. He had sat and listened to me night after night. He had watched me go through woman after woman. He had watched me drink my weight in alcohol. He was a pain in the ass but I was thankful my brother had been around.

Keeping my eyes shut I tilted my head in the direction I heard Dylan’s voice coming from. “Chill. I’m just thinking,” I said.

“About…” Dylan trailed off.

“The bar.” I opened my eyes and sat up, leaning back on my arms.

I could see Dylan visibly relax as he took a few steps toward me. “This place is pretty kickass. I’m proud of you.”

My brother has told me a lot and said many things to me but he has never told me he was proud.

“Thanks, man,” I said, a little shocked.

Dylan grabbed two chairs from a table off to the side of the dance floor and brought them to where I was sitting on the floor. “Get your ass up and sit in a damn chair.”

Using the chair, I pushed myself off the floor and fell back into the cheap wooden chair.

Note to self: order comfortable chairs for this place.

“I know you have always wanted to own this place and play in the NFL. You worked your ass off and you are the top quarterback in the league. Now you can add business owner on top of that. Pretty damn good for only being twenty three.”

Shrugging I said, “I guess. It would be better if I had someone to share it with. This being alone shit is for the birds.”

“Man, she’s gone. She’s happy. When will you realize that? Sitting around being depressed and feeling sorry for yourself is doing nothing.” My brother slapped my shoulder and continued, “If I was in your shoes I would be living it up and embracing the lifestyle you have. You’re only twenty three and sitting on top of the world. It’s not your time to settle down and be a family man yet. Maybe in ten years but not now. One day you will find that girl that will make you realize Jenna wasn’t –holding his hands up he air quoted- “the one” you thought she was. There is a girl out there for you, relax. You have plenty of time to find her. Until then have fun trying them out.” Dylan stood from his chair and shoved it back across the floor before walking out the door.

I wish I could believe him. I wish he was right. But, he wasn’t. There wasn’t another girl out there for me. Jenna was the one, my only. No other girl could ever compare to her. Why even try? My life had become one night after another of drinking too much and waking up to another girl I wouldn’t remember the following night.

Yeah, I’m on top of the fuckin’ world.

“You’re really going to paint the walls dark grey? Won’t that make it dark in here?” My mom asked, her face scrunched up.

Exhaling loudly, I said, “Yes, mom. But, you will see very little of the wall.” I held up a round blue light and placed it on the wall. “These will be coming down the wall. I have blue and green lights and these moss ball looking things to put sporadically on the wall. Don’t worry mom. It will look good. Jenna and I have had this planned out since we were twelve.”

Pursing her lips my mom slowly nodded. “If you say so. It sounds like it’s going to be a hot mess. Maybe you should take some advice from your mom. You and Jenna were just little kids when you had all these plans. Maybe you should change it up. You need to stop letting her have so much control.”

How the…? How did my mom just turn this into some damn therapy session?

Speaking through clenched teeth I said in staccato, “Mom. I’m. Doing. This. Not. You.” Grabbing the dark grey paint I walked to the opposite wall. “This has been the plan for over ten years and that’s how it will be.”

Tapping her stiletto covered foot my mom huffed. “Fine then. Do what you want, this is your place. But, when it comes out looking ridiculous don’t come asking me for help.”

My mom and I had never had a great relationship and I didn’t expect her to love this idea but she could at least respect it. “Don’t worry. I won’t ask for anything. And you’re right this is my place. Key word being, my. I will do what I want and if you don’t like it then don’t come. This is something I planned out with someone I love and I plan on carrying that out. I want her to walk in here and see that I never forgot what we planned. So, if you would excuse me I have painting to do.”

Yanking her purse off the chair she turned and stomped away. “I wish you the best on this place, I really do. But, Gage, I think you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons. It won’t make her come back to you.” My mom pushed the door open and walked out.

I wasn’t doing this for the wrong reasons. I was doing this because it had been my dream since I was little. I knew I wouldn’t get Jenna back. She told me herself she didn’t love me like I love her. Maybe one day, eventually I would accept that. Until then I would throw myself into my bar and football.

I spent all day painting all the walls grey. When I was just about finished Dylan came walking in.

Grabbing a paint brush he asked, “Need some help?”

Shaking my head I said, “Nah. Almost finished. What do you think?”

Dylan stepped back, looking around he said, “It’s dark but I like it. You’re still putting those light on the wall, right? I think that will look badass. Especially when you add in those moss ball do-dads.”

Pointing to the boxes stacked in the corner I said, “Yep. Just have to paint the ceiling silver then I can hang the lights on the walls. I found the hanging glass beads for the ceiling. Once I replace the normal lights with the light blue once it will look like water is hanging from the ceiling.”

“Your ideas sound crazy but I think I like them.” Dylan dropped his paint brush on a chair and grabbed the silver paint. “Got a ladder here or should I just use a chair?”

“In the kitchen.”

We spent the night in comfortable silence painting. It was nice having my brother by my side. For the first time in a long time I didn’t feel so alone.

“So you’re putting saltwater aquariums on the floor. How does that work? Doesn’t that require a filter?” Dylan stood staring at the large rectangular glass aquarium on the floor.

“It will all be under the floor. Since the building is on stilts I can do a lot more with very little demo needed. I always wanted aquariums in the wall but then I thought of this idea. They would serve more than one purpose. Great conversation starter, could be used as a table, and easy decoration.”

The place was coming together. The walls were painted with the lights and moss on them. The ceiling was silver and the small glass beads were hanging from it. Dylan and I had the light gray leather benches in place and screwed down. We had spent the morning putting the metallic tiles on the wall and setting up the tall bar tables.

With only one week left before opening night I was feeling the stress. I still had so much to do. I never expected Dylan to step in and help me like he has.

Shrugging Dylan said, “It will be unique. Never seen an aquarium on the floor before.”

“I want this place to feel like an ocean oasis. I had to have fish, somehow. After we get these all setup I have a guy from Saltwater Sandy’s coming out to get the water and fish setup. He said after he got everything going it would be simple to take care of.”

Dylan was starting to bend over when he suddenly stood straight and said, “Shit! What about the staff? You have been so busy getting the place ready you forgot about hiring people.”

I tried to hide my laugh when I said, “Got it covered. I hired a manager right after I got back from New York. She has been filling positions the past few weeks. I met with her the other day and all that’s left is two bartending positions. She said she had a few applications to look at and would hopefully have those spots filled by this weekend. Don’t worry little brother, I have thought of everything.”

Dylan laughed. “You really are superman, aren’t you?”

“Not quite. Now let’s get this finished. We still have a lot to do. Including naming this place.”

Smirking, he said, “Well…I have been thinking about that. What do you think about Wet Spot?”

I was still half bent over when I busted out laughing. “You know what? I think I like it. Sounds sexual.”

“Uh huh.” Dylan helped me carry the last aquarium across the floor and sit it in place.

“Wet Spot. That’s the name. While the guy from Saltwater Sandy’s is here I’m going to drive over to the tee shirt printing place and have them make up shirts for the staff.  I was thinking black shirts with silver writing. Think that would look good?”

Squinting his eyes a little Dylan was silent for a minute before saying, “As long as the girls have tight shirts I couldn’t give two shits what they look like.”

Rolling my eyes I said, “Simmer down. I’m going to call the guy to come out with the fish then run across town. While I’m gone will you set the barstools along the bar and bar tables? Then tonight we can set the silver tables by the benches.”

“Yep. Go call fish man and get your shirts ordered. I can setup a few stools.”

By the time I returned to my bar Dylan had the stools in place and had a few of his buddies helping him set the silver tables up.

“Gage Goddamn Tucker.” Dylan’s best friend, Hunter came walking across the bar.

“Hunter Shithead Landry.” I smiled as he came in for a hug.

“Your joint is looking sharp.” Hunter stepped back and looked at the now working aquarium.

“Thanks. I couldn’t have done all this without Dylan. Who knew my fuckoff brother could work so hard,” I joked.

Dylan flipped me off before lifting a table with another friend. After they sat it on the floor Dylan said, “You going to stand there and gawk or is your ass going to help?”

“I figured you little ladies could use the extra workout. I have some other shit to do.”

As I made my way down the hall to my office I heard Dylan say, “Suck dick, brother.”

I spent an hour arranging my office. Grabbing a box labeled pictures I opened it. Sitting on top was a picture of Jenna and me from my NFL draft. She had her arms wrapped around me and to anyone she looked happy, but I could see the emptiness in her eyes. She tried to be happy for me. She tried to love me. But, she couldn’t. The diamond on her finger caught my eye. She had her hand placed on my chest. Seeing this picture had my chest burning. I sat it to the side and grabbed the next picture. It was a picture of Evie and me. She was curled up in my lap, both of us asleep. That could be my life. I could have had Evie curled up with me every night if I hadn’t talked to Larkin. Why did I have to be the bigger person and give him a chance? I knew Jenna was in love with him. Of course she would choose him. I made my own bed and now I had to sleep in it. Alone.

I went through the last few boxes and ordered pizza before I walked back to the main room. I found Dylan and his friends setting the silver ice buckets on the tables with the white candles.

“Damn.”

All the boys stopped what they were doing and looked at me. Hunter asked, “Everything ok?”

Looking around I said, “I guess I just had an ‘oh shit this is real’ moment. It is looking just like I had imagined.”

Dylan smiled. “You’ve busted your ass bro, you deserve it.”

“I guess.” I shrugged it off and went on, “I ordered pizza for everyone. Should be here in about a half an hour.”

“Knock knock. We brought the party.” I turned to see girl after girl walking through the door. There was a few guys who followed them in.

Who the hell were they?

Turning back I looked at Dylan who lifted a shoulder. “We worked hard. We wanted a little fun.”

“You are so lucky I’m not a prick. And, they are fuckin’ hot.”

The girl who walked in first went straight to Hunter and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Hunter had a huge smile on his face when he said, “Hey baby. I missed you.”

Damn kid was eighteen and I was jealous of him. Fucker.

Looking back I saw Jenna’s little sister standing off to the side with another girl. Mac couldn’t take her eyes off of Dylan. She had grown into a beautiful girl, looking so much like Jenna.

I looked over at Dylan and saw him talking to one of his friends but his eyes kept wondering to Mac. Those two had been playing games with each other since junior high. I wish one of them would just grow a pair and tell the other how they felt.

Damn kids these days.

What the fuck? Was I sixty? Damn kids these days, really?

Shaking my head I walked over to Dylan. “Time you dickup and talk to Mac. You two have been driving each other crazy for years.”

Dylan looked over at Mac who was talking to her friend, her head thrown back in laughter. “I’ve tried. She said she doesn’t want a relationship. She’s focused on getting into college. I tried telling her I wasn’t looking for anything serious. Just friends with benefits sorta thing. She got pissed and hasn’t talked to me since.”

“Well no fuck. Why the hell would you tell her that? Even if you were thinking it, you keep that shit to yourself.”

“At least I was honest.”

Snorting I said, “Yeah. That worked out real well for you, didn’t it?”

Both Dylan and I were looking at Mac when her eyes flashed in our direction. Her cheeks instantly turned pink and she ducked her head.

“She’s a virgin.”

Choking on my saliva I coughed out, “How the hell do you know that?”

Dylan spoke as if I should already know the answer. “Girls in school are sluts. Mac isn’t like that. Many of us have tried and we all got turned down. I mean, I guess that’s cool. I couldn’t do it but whatever.”

“Good for her. Maybe you could learn something.”

Dylan laughed. “Nope. I like the pussy too much. But mark my words, I will fuck her one day. And, I will be her first.”

“You are one fucked up guy, Dyl.”

“Gage, this is Melody. My girlfriend’s older sister.” Hunter motioned to my side before turning and strutting away.

To my left was a gorgeous auburn haired girl. “What’s up?” I lifted my chin and gave her a smile.

“Hunter told me you play football.”

Sonuva bitch. She wasn’t very bright. Perfect. Just what I needed. Another brainless piece of ass. I’m sure that’s all she wanted so she could run off and tell her friends she slept with me.

“Yep.”

Dylan clapped my shoulder, “I’m going to go grab sodas from the kitchen. You have fun with this one.”

Tipping my head I smirked, “Thanks, cock jockey.”

“He also said you liked the ladies.” She ran her hand over my arm.

“Yep.”

“Well you’re in luck. I’m a lady.”

I was used to girls being easy and throwing themselves at me but shit, she was a whole new breed. This girl was pathetic.

What the hell. I needed something to stick my dick in to clear my head. It had been weeks since I had gotten any ass. Here was my chance. She was more than willing. Pretty sure if I told her to bend over right here in the middle of everyone, she would.

“No shit.” I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. I could take her to my office. No. She was more the bathroom quickie. “Follow me.”

I started walking toward the bathrooms and heard her heels clinking on the floor behind me. Fuckin’ knew it.

Pushing open the ladies bathroom door I let her walk in before shutting it and locking it.

“Pull your dress up and bend over,” I ordered as I undid my khaki shorts.

She giggled. Even her giggle was annoying. “Oh, Gage. I want you to fuck me. I want it hard. Play with my titties.” She pulled the front of her strapless dress down, revealing full tits. She reached up and rubbed her nipples to hard points.

Bitch was crazy.

“I don’t do touchy feely shit. I said pull your dress up and bend over. I just want to fuck. I get off then you can tell all your friends you fucked me. We both get what we want.

She yanked the top of her dress up and pouted. “Fine.” Turning around she lifted the back of her dress and bent over, grabbing the counter.

I pulled a condom from my wallet and slid it on before sliding into her and letting the world fade away. Forgetting all my worries and pain.

4

Cobie

Pulling my rental car into the packed parking lot I found a parking spot. Looking into the mirror on the visor I ran another coat of pink lip gloss over my lips and used my fingers to run through my hair.

Stepping out of the car I could hear music coming from inside the building, but what really had my attention was the gorgeous sun setting on the ocean. Jenna wasn’t kidding when she said Gage’s bar was on the beach. Running my hands down my light purple halter dress I took a deep breath and walked up the steps to the doors going into the bar. I stopped just inside the door when I saw a few people I recognized from Jenna and Larkin’s wedding.

Giving a small wave I went to the table they were all standing around. Trent looked like he was about to eat me alive.

“Hey.” I shouted when I got the table.

Sadie gave me a huge smile then pulled me into a hug. “I didn’t know you were coming or we would have invited you to dinner with us.”

“I just landed and drove straight here. I actually wasn’t planning on coming until early tomorrow morning but Jenna talked me into coming to Gage’s opening.” Looking around I said, “This place is pretty cool. Did he do all this himself?”

Tyler nodded when he said, “Most of it was done but he did the cosmetic stuff like the painting and changed random shit.”

Looking around I saw Jenna and my brother in the opposite corner, all over each other, of course. Those two were ridiculously in love.

“How long you staying in Fairhope?” A gravelly voice whispered into my ear.

Biting down on my lip I turned my head to see Gage standing beside me. He smelled like man, and ocean, and a little spicy. But how he looked….he could make a nun do very naughty things to him. He had on a pair of dark jeans, torn and worn in all the right places and a white button down shirt, the sleeves rolled up just enough so I could see his tattoos peeking out. His usual dark brown messy hair really made his blue eyes stand out. It looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days and it looked good on him. He looked very much the world famous football star.

Smiling, I yelled over the music, “Until Tuesday night. Decided I needed a little beach relaxation.”

Gage tilted his head to the side and smirked. “Well, if you need someone to relax with, I’m your man.”

Deciding to play along with his little game I quirked one eyebrow and leaned into him whispering, “For some reason I don’t think I would get much relaxation with you.”

Gage winked and brought his beer to his lips. Flicking his tongue out just long enough that I got a glimpse of the bar in it before wrapping his mouth around the bottle and taking a long hull. He was evil.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Larkin and Jenna walking- or more of Jenna dragging my drunk brother- towards us. Gage stepped back when they got close and watched Jenna. I could see the hurt in his eyes.

Jenna flung her arms around me and yelled into my ear, “So glad you came early! Evie will be so excited when she wakes up and sees you. She has missed her Aunt Co.”

Smiling at Jenna I glanced over her shoulder looking for Gage. I saw him being pulled in the opposite direction by a group of guys. Each fighting to be next to him like he was some real life God. He glanced over his shoulder, catching my eye and a small grin formed on his lips as he slid his eyes down my body.

Pulling my attention back to Jenna I said, my voice a little strained, “I’ve missed her too. I can’t believe she’s two already!”

Larkin flung his large arm around my shoulders. “How the hell is my baby sister?”

I could smell the alcohol pouring out of his mouth. His breath was pungent.

Cringing, I placed my hand on his stomach and shoved him. “How much have you drank?”

Jenna shook her head, “The guys got here early and apparently started the party around four this afternoon. The girls and I went to dinner and met them here.”

Larkin tried to focus but his half lidded eyes made it impossible. “I have a lot to celebrate. I knocked Jenna up again. Two times, sis. Two fucking babies. Can you believe that?” Larkin held up his hand and counted out loud, “One…two…three…four. Shit, no not four. We don’t have four kids, right babe?” Larkin shifted his eyes to look at Jenna who smiled and slowly shook her head and held up three fingers. “Yes, right, three. I’m going to be a dad to three kids.”

My mouth dropped open as I stared at Jenna. She was smiling and stifling her laughter.

“You’re pregnant?” I asked in shock.

I watched as Jenna bobbed her head up and down saying, “I am. With twins, your brother really did it good this time.”

Larkin grabbed Jenna around her hips and pulled her into him saying, “No baby, I did you good. It takes total talent and focus to make two babies. Two fucking babies. Not one. Not three. But two.”

Jenna pushed away from Larkin and covered his mouth, “Shut it Mr. or there will be no more getting of anything.”

The whole table was laughing. My brother, the big, bad football man just got put in his place by such a tiny girl. Letting my arms fall from holding him upright, he struggled to grab the table. I wrapped Jenna in a tight hug. “I’m going to be an aunt, again and again. Can I request a niece and a nephew?” I leaned back.

Jenna giggled and wrapped her arms around Larkin’s waist and kissed his chest. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Standing next to Jenna and seeing how happy she was with my brother, even in his inebriated state, made me a little envious. I wanted a love like theirs. Granted it wasn’t all roses and fairytales in the beginning but they found their happiness.

The waitress dressed in a tight black t-shirtthat readWet Spot came to our table with a bucket full of ice and beer. “Here you go guys. If you need anything else just yell. My name’s Leigha.”

Sadie grabbed a beer, handing it to me. “Girl, I remember college. You need a beer.”

Taking it from her I scoffed, “At least you didn’t have a pain in the ass brother making you go to be a damn doctor. Shit is tough.”

Larkin stuck his tongue out at me before Tyler grabbed him and started walking. “Let’s go outside, see if we can catch a shark.”

My brother had no idea what he was being drug off to but he didn’t put up a fight as Tyler pulled him away. “High ho high ho off to sharks we go,” Larkin sang as they walked away.

Sadie and Jenna shook their heads and laughed. “Men,” Jenna said.

Sadie huffed, “You mean boys? Can you imagine what our kids will be like when they are their age? Ugh, don’t even want to think about it.”

Jenna’s eyes got huge. “Oh God. Don’t even go there.”

Both Sadie and Jenna rubbed their bellies. Looking at Sadie confused, before I asked she smiled. “Yep, baby number three is cooking.”

“Wow. Congratulations! Frannie is a few weeks younger than Evie, right? And you were pregnant at the wedding. You and Ty have been busy.”

Sadie giggled. “Yes we have been. Frannie is almost two, Gwen was born on January ninth, and I am due with this baby November seventh.”

“I don’t know how you do it. Just having Evie wears me out,” I said as I took a small drink from my beer. I really wasn’t a beer kinda girl. I preferred liquor.

Jenna smirked, “She takes after her dad. That guy has more energy than Evie most days. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I have Evie, the twins, and Larkin.”

Both Sadie and I laughed.

I was about to tell Jenna I could quit college and be their live-in nanny when Gage’s voice was in my ear again, “I need to talk to you.”

Turning my head to look at him I slowly nodded. “Ok.”

Gage smiled at Sadie and said, “Sorry to interrupt girls. I’m stealing this pretty lady and teaching her how we dance in the south.”

Jenna raised a brow, “Gage…”

“Not now Jenna.” Gage cut her off, not even looking at her.

Before Jenna could argue Gage grabbed my hand and was leading me through the group of people on the dance floor and down a narrow hallway, almost running. We passed two doors and at the end I could see a door that read 'office'. Stopping in front of the door Gage took a deep breath.

“Where are we going? I thought we were going to dance?” I asked, confused.

Gage glanced down at me and said, “I want you. You want me. I’m not a fucking idiot. We are both about to get what we want.” Digging in his pocket with his free hand Gage pulled out a key to unlock the door. Once the door was open he looked behind us, scanning the hallway and the small area of the bar he could see. He pulled me into the dark room and used his foot to kick the door shut, then locked it.

The lights were off but I could see the room from the moonlight shining in. There was a couch straight across from us with a small coffee table in front of it. In the corner was a tall bookcase, filled with numerous trophies and a few books. He had a desk to the right of us with his laptop propped open, the screensaver bouncing around…a picture of Evie on the beach.

Turning back to me he ran his hands through his hair. I could see his biceps flexing as he paced. "Fuck! I can't do this. Not with you, not here."

Confused and a little pissed I asked, "What? What the hell is wrong with me? You're the one that drug me back here not even two minutes ago!"

Gritting his teeth Gage closed his eyes and bit out, "Cobie you should go because I can't fucking walk away from you. You smell like fucking heaven and look like a God damn Victoria's Secret angel."

Stepping up to him so I was flush against him, I put both my arms around his neck and whispered, "Gage, I want you and I'm not going anywhere."

His deep midnight blue eyes searched my chestnut brown eyes.

I wanted him to kiss me with every nerve, every fiber, and every molecule of my being.

Sighing he bit his bottom lip. "But you're my best friend’s sister. I shouldn't...I can't do this."

Kissing up his strong jaw I said, "I want you and I always get what I want.”

Gage groaned.

“Shh.” I placed a finger over his lips. “I just want you for one night. Just one night, Gage, that's it. Then we go on with our lives like usual."

Gage ran his hands through my hair, stopping at my nape. He jerked my head up, capturing my mouth with his. Gage walked me backwards until I felt the hard desk hitting the back of my thighs.

I raised myself onto the desk, sitting and opening my legs for Gage to stand between them.

Gage let go of my head and used his hands to unbutton his jeans, letting them and his boxers fall to the floor. “Cobie, you sure about this?” Gage asked as he pulled back to look me in the eyes.

“Yes, Gage. I want you. I have since I met you the first time.” I took his erection in my hand and ran it up and down. The strangled moan that came from Gage was all I needed to hear to let me know he wanted me just as bad.

Gage pushed the bottom of my dress up revealing my tiny little panties. Using his thumb he shoved my panties to the side and dropped to his knees. “Just one night, baby. That’s it. After this we walk away like nothing. This is just sex, no strings. Got it.”

I nodded.

Holy fucking shit. I haven’t been a virgin for a good three years but I have never had this done. The moment I felt Gage’s warm tongue touching my pussy my back was arching and my hands were in his hair.

Gage used his tongue to tease my clit as he slowly slid one finger inside me, moving it in and out. Leaning back on the desk so I was laying down I bit down on my fist to keep from crying out. We were only a few feet from a room full of drunk people. That was the last thing I needed, some drunktard walking in on some guy shoving his face in my vagina.

Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore Gage removed his fingers and his face from my ladybits. Standing, he used the back of his hand and wiped across his mouth. Stepping a little closer I felt his dick twitch just as it brushed my pussy.

Gage looked almost in pain for a moment before smiling down at me. “I need your legs a little wider baby.”

Doing what he asked I spread my legs as much as I could. Gage placed his hands on the tops of my thighs just as he slid into me. “What the fuck? Are you a virgin?” Gage asked, accusingly.

Shaking my head I answered, “No. It’s been a while since I’ve had sex.” So I lied, it had only been a few weeks but I didn’t want Gage thinking I was some cheap hoe.

Keeping with a steady pace Gage was slowly building me up. I could feel that stir in the bottom of my belly heating up. “You look fuckin’ edible right now.”

Smirking I said, “I think you’ve already done that.”

Gage placed his thumb and pointer finger on my clit, rolling in circles. “Are you being a smartass? Cobie, I like this dirty side of you.”

Unable to answer I only smiled. Once Gage started moving faster it didn’t take long to get me to the edge. Gage grabbed my hips as he slammed into me, over and over. Gripping onto the edge of the desk I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Gage! Oh God!”

As I was coming back down from my Gage induced high I felt his body tense before he ground out, “Fuck, Cobie.”

Gage leaned over top of me and kissed my forehead. Leaning back up, he moved my panties back into place. I took a few deep breaths before sliding off the desk and smoothing my dress out.

Gage took a few steps back as he pulled his boxers and pants up. He buttoned his jeans and ran his hands over his shirt. The moonlight shining in was casting a shadow across his face making him look like walking sin. Which he was. He was walking sin and I fell right into his trap. Gage looked up at me, watching closely.

He looked good post sex. I was sure I looked like a wreck.

“Do you know how beautiful you are Cobie? Or how wrong I was to just fuck you?”

Pursing my lips I took a few short breaths. “Gage it was no big deal. It’s not like either of us want anything out of it. It was a one-time thing. Stop worrying about it.”

Gage nodded and turned away from me, looking out the window. I could still see his side profile in the shadows. He looked broken. I could see the moons reflection bouncing off the ocean and the waves crashing on the shore. It looked magical.

I could see the concern and what looked like hurt on Gage’s face. “Ok, well I’m going to go. I told Jenna I would go with her in the morning to get everything for Evie’s birthday.”

Gage didn’t say anything.

Opening the door I paused just before I shut it behind me and I swore I heard Gage tell me he was sorry. Walking down the hall I felt reality crashing down on me. I just used Gage to get back at Bray. What kind of person does that?

“Fuck!” I yelled, banging my head on the wall. I hadn’t taken my birth control since I hooked up with Bray. Pulling my phone out of my purse I went to the calendar application. Counting the days I let out the breath I had been holding. Thank God, I wasn’t ovulating.

No more revenge fucks for me. I wasn’t that kind of person.

Walking quickly to the bar I grabbed an empty stool and waited for the bartender.

“What can I get you?” The cute bartender asked.

“Shots. Lots and lots of shots.”

Laughing, she said, “We talking hard shit or something pink and girly?”

Looking back at the door I had just walked out of I said, “Hardest shit you got.”

Raising her eyebrows she grabbed a shot glass and a bottle of tequila. “Guessing you’re having men problems?”

Huffing I replied, “Fuck ‘em. No wait, that’s my problem. I can’t stop doin’ that.” Reaching for the filled shot glass I looked at the bartender. “And now you think I’m a whore, awesome.”

Smiling she said, “Honey, I can’t judge you. I got pregnant in high school, my family disowned me, my baby’s father was killed in Iraq and his family hates me.”

Swallowing the liquid I shoved the glass back to her and said, “Here, maybe you need a shot too. By the way, my name is Cobie. Not that that is important.”

Filling the glass she slid it back to me. “Drink up, this ones on me. And my name is Annie.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Forcing my eyes open I grabbed my phone. What the hell? What time was it?

8:00 A.M. my phone was blinking at me. Dragging my butt out of bed I tossed my suitcase onto the bed. I was still sore and being sore made me think of Gage. I shouldn’t be thinking of him. He was just for one night. I blame the tequila. Stupid alcohol.

Coffee. I needed coffee. That would make everything better.

Shuffling around the bed, thankfully I looked in the mirror. I looked like a zombie that had been mauled by another zombie. First, I needed to shower. Then coffee.

Stumbling into the bathroom I sat down on the toilet I heard a knock on my door then Evie’s excited voice breaking through the silence. “Weady? We go shopping! I be two!”

Pulling my panties up just as Evie busted through the door, I smiled. “Shh, Aunt Co has a headache. Let me get a hot shower and coffee then we can go shopping.”

“Otay. Wub you.” Evie wrapped her arms around my legs before turning and running out of the room.

I loved that silly little girl.

After getting a shower I felt a million times better. I wandered downstairs, Jenna had insisted I stay at her mom’s house. Looking into the living room I saw a very happy Jenna and Larkin watching their daughter playing on the floor.

“Hey, Evie Grace! Are you ready to go shopping? Aunt Co has a lot of toys to buy and just a little time to do it. Your birthday party is tomorrow and we have a lot to do today.”

Evie jumped off the floor, ran to Larkin and kissed his cheek, “Bye bye daddy. Me get wotsa toys!”

Larkin laughed at Evie before kissing Jenna and rubbing her stomach. Jenna smiled at Larkin and whispered something in his ear before getting off his lap and lifting a very excited Evie into her arms.

“Ok babygirl, let’s go. Mommy is already exhausted.”

After our day of shopping, I agreed to have dinner with Jenna’s family. They made me feel at home, feel like I was family.

Feeling tiny hands rubbing my cheek, I opened my eyes and was met with the cutest little face.

“My pawty today! Wet’s go!” Evie squealed, clapping her hands.

Grabbing her, I pulled her into the bed and gave her a big hug. “I can’t believe you’re almost two! Before I know it you will be all grown up. Then what will I do? You’re going to be my best girl, until forever, right?” I asked as I kissed her cheek.

Evie rolled her eyes and sighed, “I be best girl tiwa I has boyfwiend.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I love this kid.

“Ok, but no boys until you’re married.”

Evie smiled, “Tay. Tan we go now?”

“I can’t tell the birthday princess no, can I?”

Evie shook her head hard. “No!”

“Ok then, let’s go.”

Taking a quick shower, I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me. I forgot my clothes in the room I had been staying in. Cracking the door open I peeked out. Nobody. Fully opening the door I took a step out and just as I looked down to check my towel I smacked into the wall. The wall caused me to lose my balance. Starting to fall backwards, I flailed my arms in the air. Attempting to grab anything to catch myself. Sucking in my breath when I felt arms wrapping around my waist, setting me upright and that deep voice in my ear.

“Woah, there gorgeous. Trying to pull off the Matrix?”

I felt myself shiver and not from the cool air. But from that cool, smooth voice. Struggling to find my words I wrapped my arms around my falling towel. This wasn’t embarrassing or anything. Forcing a smile I turned to find Gage, leaning against the wall. A knowing smirk on his gorgeous face.

Asstwat.

“Actually, that damn wall came out of nowhere and tried to kill me.” I flung my hand towards the wall and forced a laugh.

Smooth, Cobie. Really smooth.

“Good thing I was here. I just saved your life from the killer wall. Guess you owe me now.”

Instantly I dropped my eyes to the dark hardwood floor. No guy had ever made me nervous like this.

Running my foot along the lines of two wood floor boards I mumbled, “Yeah, I guess. Now that I’m safe, I need to get ready. See you at the party.”

Shouldering past Gage, I felt my cheeks heating.

“Cobie, wait. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. Just trying to make you smile. I love your smile.” Gage reached up and ran the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. “Gorgeous.”

One night. One night. One night. It was just a one night thing. No more.

I had to keep reminding myself he was a one night thing. Nothing more, nothing less. We had our one night. Now it was time to tuck it into my insanely sexy memories and move on.

I knew he was in love with Jenna. Hell, even Stevie Wonder could see that. No matter how attracted to him I was, I couldn’t be second best. I couldn’t be the other girl. And, from what I had heard from my brother and Jenna and seen on T.V. and in magazines, Gage was a man whore. He used woman. He only wanted sex and the occasional arm candy at an event. I couldn’t be arm candy. I wouldn’t be arm candy. I don’t think he had used me that night but I had used him. That was bad enough. He had tried to stop me. Stop us. But I pushed him. I wanted it. I wanted him. Just one time.

Looking at him now, I could see the emptiness in his eyes. His ice blue eyes were dull, void of emotion. The only time I saw his eyes light up was when he saw Jenna. I wasn’t and never would be Jenna. Gage and I had sexual chemistry but, emotionally we were both unavailable. I couldn’t be who he wanted and he couldn’t be the guy I wanted.

Why did I always go for the players? The men who only want one thing from women, the ones who always hurt me?

“Gage, stop please. I can’t do this. I don’t want games. The other night was…it was satisfying- but we both know this is going nowhere.” Forcing myself to turn away I opened my bedroom door.

Gage’s strained voice stopped me, “I’ll see you at the party, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” I smiled over my shoulder before closing the door.

Dropping my towel on the bed I grabbed the bikini I was planning on wearing under my simple cotton, strapless dress.

Once I was dressed and had my hair pulled back into a messy bun, I slipped on my flip flops and made my way to the beach. I promised Jenna I would help her set everything up for the party.

“About time you got your cute little ass down here,” Jenna joked.

“Damn woman! When did you get down here? I told you I would help. I didn’t know I would need to be down here at the ass crack of dawn.”

Jenna pursed her lips. “I have only been down here an hour or so. I made your brother help carry everything down. Used him for his muscles.”

“He’s good for that,” I laughed.

The next few hours were spent covering tables, anchoring balloons in the sand, setting the giant flower arrangement centerpieces, and carefully placing the princess castle cake on the table.

Seeing how happy Evie was with all her new presents almost made me wish I had a baby. Almost.

I had a lot of goals to reach before I even thought about having a kid, hell before I even thought about getting married. If that even happened. Maybe I was destined to be one of those freak cat ladies with fifty seven cats and no friends. Maybe that was my future?

5

Cobie

9 WEEKS LATER

Holding that little stick in my hand I sat on the edge of my bed. Deep breaths, just keep taking deep breaths.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

“How could this have happened?” I mumbled to myself.

Grabbing my phone I unlocked it and text Jenna. She may be twenty two hundred miles away but she would know what to do.

Me: You awake? I messed up.

Jenna: Yep. What’s up?

Me: I’m pregnant

I kept it simple and to the point. Now I had to wait for her response and hopefully it wouldn’t be from my brother. My phone was ringing. Shit. Looking at the screen I saw Jenna’s face.

Phew.

Taking a deep breath I answered, “Jenna! What am I going to do?”

“Cobie. How the hell did you get yourself into this predicament?” Jenna asked.

Flopping back on my bed I sighed. “I’m pretty sure we both know how I got myself into this mess. Now I need to figure out what I’m going to do.”

Jenna was silent but I could hear her breathing. She took a deep breath and said, “Cobie, don’t do what I did to your brother. Tell the father. Is it Larkin’s old friend? The one you were telling me about at Evie’s party. What was his name, Braylon?”

Huffing I said more to myself than Jenna, “I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure? How are you not sure?” Jenna asked. I could hear the irritation in her voice.

“I mean, it was just the one time with Bray.”

Jenna snorted, “You do know it only takes one time, right?”

Rolling my eyes I replied, “Yes, smartass I know that. What I was going to say before you cut in was a few weeks later I kinda hooked up with someone else. Sort of like a revenge thing. I had stopped taking my birth control right after Bray but I did the math and when I slept with the other guy I shouldn’t have been ovulating. But I guess Bray or the other guy could be the dad.” Covering my face with my hand I felt my tears. “Oh God. What kind of mom doesn’t even know who the father of her baby is?”

“Oh honey. The best thing would be go to the doctor, they can give you the conception date, or close to it. Using that date you should be able to determine who the father is since you said there was a gap between the two guys. Who is the other guy? And, you do know your brother is going to kill whoever got you pregnant, right?”

Sucking in a breath I ran my bottom teeth across my top lip. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her the truth. Should I tell her that there is a good chance Gage is the father of my baby?

“I’m not so worried about Larkin with this, it’s you I’m worried about.”

Jenna asked confused, “Me? Why would you be worried about me? Babe, not too long ago I was you. I’m not about to judge you for the same thing I did.”

“Because the other guy is…” I trailed off.

“The other guy is, who?”

“Gage.” I barely got his name out before I slammed my hand over my mouth.

I could hear Jenna’s intake of breath. I know she loves my brother but she and Gage have something special. I don’t want her to hate me for possibly having his child.

“Jenna? Are you still there?” I asked quietly.

“Um yeah, still here. Just surprised I guess. I knew the night of his opening he was going to go for you. I warned him but that dicklicker didn’t listen.”

I stood up from my bed and paced my floor. “He tried to stop me. I sorta pushed him into it. He told me not to but something inside of me wanted to get back at Bray. It was just one time in his office. I never thought this would happen. If I even had a clue that I would end up pregnant I wouldn’t have had sex with him. I swear, Jenna.”

“Co, I know exactly how you feel. I was in the exact same boat as you just a few years ago. But, I am not about to be the one who breaks this to your brother. He is going to shit a brick.”

“Yeah, no shit,” I snorted.

Jenna sighed before saying, “Ok, well make a doctor appointment and get the conception date. Do you want me to fly out and go with you?”

“Would you, please?” I asked, relieved. I didn’t want to sound like the whiney little sister but Jenna was the closest thing I had to a sister and I needed her.

“Of course I will. I am always here for you. Make your appointment then let me know when it is. I have to go, Evie will be waking up soon but text me with the info. Love you, Co.”

“Thank you, Jenna. I will call now to make the appointment. Kiss my girl and tell her Aunt Co loves her.”

“Ok, good luck,” Jenna said.

I hit the END button.

Pulling up my Gynecologist’s number I called to make my appointment.

My appointment was in three days. Now I had to tell my mom.

Before facing my mom I pulled my text messages up to text Jenna.

Me: My appointment is on Thursday at 11am. Thanks so much for everything.

Jenna: We will be there. You’re Welcome xo

Tossing my phone onto my desk I rubbed my hand over my belly. Worrying my bottom lip with my teeth I opened my door and walked down the stairs. I saw my mom sitting in her chair by the fireplace, reading. When she heard me she looked up from her book.

“Hey, sweetie,” My mom said as I walked into the room.

I sat on the couch and pulled my feet under me. I looked at my mom and saw her smile fade from her face. Carrie Nayler was the coolest mom, but you couldn’t pull one over on her.

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” She asked me, surprisingly calm.

Dumbfounded I dropped my eyes to the floor. “How did you know?”

My mom got up from her chair and took a few steps so she was standing in front of me. Placing her hand under my chin she tilted my head back so I was looking at her. She shrugged and softly said, “Call it mother’s intuition. I have had a hunch for about a week, I was just waiting for you to tell me.”

“You really are super mom aren’t you?”

My mom smiled before sitting down beside me.

“You’re not pissed or screaming, why?” I asked nervously.

“Sweetie, you’re an adult. Having sex was your choice and you knew what could happen. I’m not thrilled but you know I support you no matter what. I really wish you were through with med school and married before having a baby but it’s too late now. Have you told Bray yet?”

Scrunching my brows I asked, “How did you know about Bray?”

“I heard you talking to Jenna at Evie’s party. Does he know?”

Here comes the even harder part. How does a girl tell her mom that she’s not sure who the father is, well at least not until I go to the doctor. Using both hands I covered my face. “I haven’t told him yet.” I stopped just long enough to peek between my fingers and see that my mom was studying me.

“Because…” She said slowly narrowing her eyes, trying to get me to finish what I needed to say.

“Chewing my bottom lip I said, “Because I’m not sure if he’s the father.”

My mom let her head roll on her shoulders and rubbed her temples. “Oh, Cobie Renea. What have you gotten yourself into? Who do you think the father is?”

I could hear the disappointment in my mom’s voice. I hated myself for letting her down but there was no changing things now.

“I’m so sorry, mom. I never thought this would happen. I was always so careful. I had only been with Bray until I went to his apartment and some hoe answered his door. I mean I was only with Bray one time but it still hurt. When we were in Alabama I was still upset…”

My mom cut me off. “It was Gage wasn’t it?”

Jerking my head to look at her I asked, “How the hell? How do you know everything?”

My mom smiled. “I saw the way he was watching you at Larkin and Jenna’s wedding. When I saw the two of you at Evie’s party it kinda confirmed my suspicions. You two wouldn’t even look at each other, avoiding one another like the plague. Is he who you think the father is?”

Shrugging I said, “I really don’t know. I mean if I had to guess, most likely it is but I don’t want to say anything until I get the conception date from my doctor. I was with Bray right after I got off my period. So really neither of them add up but I don’t know.”

My mom rested her hand on my shoulder. “Everything will be ok, honey. You’re going to have a baby. A little earlier than expected but you will be amazing. You’re not in this alone. If Gage is the dad, I know he will step up and be the dad your baby deserves. After Larkin told me what Gage did for Jenna I have no doubt he will do nothing short of giving your baby the world.”

“I know he would be a great dad but I don’t know if we could work things out. We are two completely different people. He is in love with Jenna, I’m not her.”

My mom leaned back, letting her head lay on the arm of the couch. “You can’t always get what you want. Life isn’t always pretty but I promise you once you’re holding your baby this problem won’t seem so big. The two of you will make things work for your baby.”

“You always know what to say to make everything better.” I hugged my mom tightly.

I heard my mom’s voice break as she spoke, “One day soon, sweetie, you will understand.”

“Talking about soon. I have an appointment in two days. Jenna is flying in and will probably be here sometime tomorrow.”

“Jenna’s coming? She’s bringing Evie, right?” My mom asked, a little more excitedly.

“She didn’t say. But, if I had to guess, yes. I don’t think she would leave Evie.”

My mom’s smile was slowly coming back. “Maybe I will get lucky and your brother will tag along. I just hate that he’s all the way in California.”

Ugh! I hope not. But I kept that thought to myself. My mom didn’t need to know that I was more afraid to tell my brother I was pregnant than I was her. I said, “He’s doing what he loves mom. It’s not like you never see him. I think we have seen him more in the last few years than we did the whole time he was in high school.”

Nodding, my mom stood and said, “Sweetie, I have a few errands I need to run today. You’re welcome to join.”

I frowned. “No thanks, mom. I think I will call my student advisor and start talking about taking a semester off.”

“Just a semester? I don’t want you changing your life just because you’re having a baby. I will help any way possible so you can finish med school. I want you to achieve your dream.”

I stood up and smiled. “Yes, mom. Just one semester so I can have the baby and recover. I plan to go back for spring semester.”

“Good.” Grabbing her purse off the table she was out the door and waving bye.

“Cobie Nayler?” The nurse called from the doorway.

Standing, I took a deep breath. My mom and Jenna followed me into the small room.

“Ok, Miss Nayler, I need you to remove your skirt and panties. You can use this sheet to cover with until the doctor examines you.”

I took the sheet from the nurse and smiled. “Thank you.”

She gave a polite smile back and said, “You’re welcome. Good luck, Miss Nayler.”

Once the nurse left my room I looked at my mom who looked like she was on the verge of tears. And Jenna, who looked just as nervous as me.

“Honey, you going to take your clothes off or are you going to see if the doctor has x-ray vision?” My mom tried joking but I could hear the sadness in her voice.

“I just needed a second, mom. I feel like I could vomit any minute.”

Mom and Jenna both laughed. Jenna said, “That would be morning sickness, doll. Sucks ass. Evie about killed me. But it gets better after a few months.”

My eyes widened. “Months of feeling like this? Nobody said anything about feeling like total shit.”

Mom pursed her lips. “Pregnancy is amazing but it is also pure hell. Get used to it.”

Huffing, I yanked down my skirt and panties, not caring if my mom and Jenna saw.

Hopping onto the exam table, I yanked the sheet and covered my legs. Just as I got the sheet in place there was a single knock on my door before it was opening and my doctor was saying, “Hello, Miss Nayler, I’m Dr. Fleming. How are you?”

Putting on a fake smile, I stuck my hand out, “Hi. I would be great if it wasn’t for feeling like I got hit by a truck.”

I could see the humor in his eyes. “Yes, well it’s all part of the process but I have been told once you’re holding your baby you forget all about feeling bad.”

“I hope. This sucks,” I said truthfully.

Dr. Fleming chuckled. “Well, we will see if we can get you some medicine to help you feel better.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m going to have you go ahead and lay back, letting your legs drop as far apart as you can. You may feel some discomfort but I’m just checking to see how far along you are.”

Dr. Fleming looked up at me and said, “You feel to be a day or two over nine weeks. We should be able to hear the heartbeat and then I will send you to ultrasound to get a definite due date.”

Chewing on the inside of my cheek I nodded. “Ok.”

I was going to hear my baby. I was going to see my baby.

Holy shit.

Dr. Fleming pulled out a small radio looking thing with a rod hooked to it at one end. Grabbing a small bottle he said, “This gel may be a little cold, sorry.”

He pulled my shirt up, exposing my belly and squirted the cold jelly on my belly, giving me a cold chill.

I shut my eyes and waited. Then, I heard it. The most amazing sound in the world. The sound of my baby.

Feeling a tear slide down my face I reached up and swiped it away. Opening my eyes I looked at my mom who had tears filling her eyes. Jenna was smiling ear to ear.

I raised up on my elbows and asked, “Does it sound good?”

Dr. Fleming brought his eyes to mine and said, “Your baby sounds perfect. Now let’s get you set up across the hall so we can see your little baby and get you a due date.”

Dr. Fleming left so I could get dressed and my nurse walked us across the hall to the where ultrasound technician was waiting for us.

“Hi, Cobie. My name is Connie. Go ahead and take a seat on the table, raising your shirt for me.”

After I was laying on the table my mom grabbed my left hand and Jenna grabbed my right hand. I was so glad they were here. No way could I have done this alone.

Once Connie was setup she shut the light off and squirted more goo on my belly. “Let’s find that little baby of yours, shall we?”

Was I really ready to see my baby? To make this all real? Was I ready to be a mom? Could I be a mom?

Giving her a small smile I nodded.

“Ok, sweetie, just look at the screen in front of you. See this little spot?” Connie used the arrow on the screen to point to a blobby looking thing.

“Yes.”

“That’s your baby. Baby is measuring nine weeks, two days. Does that sound correct to you?”

Counting back in my head, nine weeks ago was Evie’s birthday party.

Gage was the father.

I was having a baby with the NFL’s playboy. The guy that was in love with Jenna. The guy I told we would have one night and go our separate ways. How the hell do I tell him this? Oh, hey Gage. Remember opening night of your bar? Well, gotcha! I was just kidding about the one night thing. Guess what…you’re going to be a dad! One night just turned into eighteen years! Jokes on you, buddy!

Staring at the screen, at the tiny little blob I slowly nodded my head. “Gage and I are having a baby.”

Jenna squeezed my hand, tears sliding down her face. “He’s going to make an amazing father.”

Connie moved her wand around until the room was filled with the swishing sound again. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat, a strong one hundred and seventy six.

Handing me a few paper towels Connie instructed me to clean up then handed me five little pictures of my baby.

“Dr. Fleming would like to see you in four weeks. Before you leave just stop at the front desk and they can schedule your appointment.”

“Ok, thank you.”

Seeing my baby made everything real. Made my baby real. Made what happened between Gage and me real.

How do I tell Gage that I’m having his baby?

I made my appointment and walked to my mom’s car in a daze. Before I realized we were pulling into the driveway.

Before telling Gage, I somehow had to tell my over protective brother what was going on. I have never been afraid of my brother. Until now. I wasn’t sure how he would react.

Walking into my house I saw Larkin sitting on the couch with a sleeping Evie.

Looking up Larkin smiled. “You going to tell me why we had to fly all the way out here, now?”

Avoiding eye contact I sat down across from him. Mom and Jenna sat beside him, each one on either side. Almost as if they knew he was going to explode and wanted to be there to hold him down. To stop him from killing me.

I just needed to tell him, get it over with. Just rip the Band-Aid off. “I’m pregnant,” I mumbled.

Nothing. I looked up and saw his dark brown eyes glaring at me. “You’re what?”

I had already said it. I didn’t need to say it again. “I know you heard me. I don’t need to repeat myself. You’re not an idiot.”

Larkin drew his hands into tight fists and stood quickly. “I swear to fucking God, Cobie Renea Nayler, if Bray got you pregnant I’m going to kill him.”

“It wasn’t Bray so shut the fuck up. I’m not with him anymore. I really never was.” I shot my eyes to my loud mouth mom. I knew she would tell him I had been with him.

“Cobie, you better tell me right now who knocked you up. I’m going to fucking kill him and I swear if you weren’t pregnant I would seriously consider knocking you out.”

Narrowing my eyes to tiny slits, I yelled, “I’m not five years old Larkin! In case you forgot you got Jenna pregnant when she was the same age as I am. Did you forget that? It wasn’t like I did this on purpose.”

Larkin gritted his teeth. “This is fucking different. You’re my damn baby sister. Now who the fuck was it?”

Standing, I threw my hands up and said, “It was Gage, you ass. Your freaking best friend knocked your sister up. You really going to go and kill one of your best friends?”

6

Gage

Using the towel flung around my neck I wiped the sweat running down my forehead and opened the refrigerator door. Grabbing a bottle of water I twisted the lid off and let the ice cold liquid run down my throat, cooling me off.

I heard pounding on my door before a very angry sounding Larkin yelled, “Open the fucking door!”

What the fuck was his problem? Slowly shutting the refrigerator I made my way down the hall and into the foyer. Larkin was still knocking hard and yelling.

Unlocking the door I opened it just enough for Larkin to shove his way in. A scared and worried looking Jenna following him. I was about to shut the door when I saw Cobie slowly walking towards my door.

Holding the door I turned to look at Larkin. I could see the anger in his eyes.

Larkin didn’t wait for me to shut the door before he started yelling.

“What the fuck where you thinking? Do you know what the fuck you did? How could you fucking do this? I thought you were my best friend, fuck man. I would never do this shit to you.” Larkin stopped, taking a deep breath.

I took that moment to speak up. “What the hell are you talking about?”

I looked at Jenna. Jenna looked at Cobie. Cobie looked at Larkin. Larkin glared at me. He had murder in his eyes.

Jenna ran her hand down Larkin’s arm. “You promised it wouldn’t be like this. Either calm the hell down or we are leaving. This isn’t between us.”

“The hell it ain’t. That is my fucking baby sister.”

Shit.

Why the hell did Cobie tell her brother what we did?

I could see a tear roll down Cobie’s face. God dammit. I can’t take girls crying.

Taking a step toward Larkin I said, “Dude, calm down. You’re pissing your wife off and making your sister cry.”

Jenna moved away from Larkin and placed her arm on Cobie’s shoulder, whispering something. She shook her head before finally looking at me.

She looked like she was on the verge on vomiting and bursting into tears.

Larkin gritted his teeth and looked at Jenna. He slowly took a few deep breaths and shut his eyes.

Just when I was about to ask why we were having this lovely reunion Cobie choked out, “Gage, can we um…can we talk. Alone?”

Shifting my eyes from Larkin to Jenna they both nodded.

Dafuq is goin on?

Bringing my eyes to Cobie I said, “Sure. We can go to my room.” Turning I started walking back down the hall, not looking to see if she was following. Pushing my bedroom door open I took a few steps in before stopping to make sure Cobie was in the room with me. She was just inside my bedroom door. Her hands twisted in a knot in front of her. She looked like she could bolt at any minute. Or break into hysterics.

Trying to sound as nice as possible I asked, “What the hell was that about?” I motioned toward the way we had just come. The room holding Larkin, who at any minute, I was sure was going to come barreling down my hallway and beat the shit outta me.

Looking all around my room, looking everywhere but at me Cobie shrugged.

“Bullshit Cobie. You knew shit would hit the fan if your brother ever found out what happened. Why the fuck would you tell him?” I took a step toward her, wanting her to look at me.

Keeping her eyes from looking at me her voice cracked when she said, “I had to tell him.”

Feeling my temper rise. I angrily bit out, “What? Why the hell would you have to tell him? Are you fucking Catholic, did you have to repent your sins and he was the priest? There is not one goddamn reason he needed to know.”

Cobie finally looked me in the eyes. Her dark brown eyes filled with tears. Barely speaking she said, “I’m pregnant.”

I felt my throat tightening, it was hard to breath. I stared at her. She was pregnant? Just because she was pregnant doesn’t mean I’m the father. Right?

“What does that have to do with me?” I asked, feigning ignorance.

Letting a few tears escape she narrowed her eyes and venomously said, “You’re the fucking father, Gage. What the hell do you think? You really think I would tell my brother we fucked for the hell of it? That night I walked away with a little more than a sexy memory. I got pregnant. By you.”

I was the father? I was going to be a father. Talking more to myself than Cobie I said, “Holy shit. I’m having a baby?”

Blinking a few times I stared at Cobie’s stomach. My baby was in there. Without thinking I started reaching out to touch her stomach.

Cobie flinched as my hand rested on her still flat stomach. Her tears falling freely now she muttered, “We’re having a baby.”

Taking two steps so I was standing flush with her, I pulled her head into my chest and wrapped my arms around her tiny body.

Cobie cried, “It was supposed to be one night. One night just turned into eighteen years. How can we be parents, Gage? We’re not together, hell we’re not even friends.”

Rubbing her back I said, “We will get through it. No, we’re not together but we will make it work.”

“I always pictured myself being married before having a baby. Not getting pregnant by my brothers best friend while I was still in college. This isn’t how my life was supposed to be.” Cobie sobbed, soaking my shirt.

Sighing I mumbled, “Nothing in life is what we planned. Life is misery.”

She sniffed and wiped under her eyes. Using her hands she pushed away from me. “Gage, I never meant for this to happen. I swear. If this is going to make you miserable, you don’t have to do it. I can do this on my own.”

Gripping both her shoulders, I leaned down and looked her in the eyes. “Cobie, I helped put you in this mess. I won’t walk away from it. I’m in this with you. This baby is the furthest thing from misery. Hell, this baby is the first thing to happen in my life lately that isn’t miserable. This is you and me for the next eighteen years, got it?”

Taking a deep breath she nodded. A small smile forming on her face. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to jump in not thinking then turn and run. I want our baby to have a daddy but more than that I want you to want to be a daddy. I don’t want you to feel forced.”

“Shut up. Just shut up. I want to be her daddy.”

This time I got a full blown smile when Cobie asked, “Did you just say her?”

Laughing I said, “Yep, I sure did.”

Lifting her hands she wrapped them around my back. “This is crazy, but right now I feel like everything will be okay. In some weird way we will find our own and be a family.”

Kissing her forehead I placed my hands on her waist. “We won’t be the normal Jones family but we will be us. I want to buy a house in Ohio for our family. A place our baby can call home. Our little girl, yes it will be a girl, will know that we love her. That’s all that matters. Fuck the rest of the world.”

Resting my head on hers we both shut our eyes.

“So I guess this means I won’t kick your ass?” Larkin asked. I could still here the anger and hurt in his voice. Cracking my eyes open I saw the forced half smile on his face.

She and I broke apart. Both of us taking a few steps away from each other. Jenna was slowly walking down the hall keeping her eyes on Larkin who was still standing in the doorway.

Cobie cleared her throat and fixed her brother with a pointed stare. “You can stop with the big brother shit. I told you I could handle this. I’m not your six year old little sister anymore. I’m having a baby, I’m growing up. You have to let me handle my life now.”

Holy shit. Was that tears in Larkin Nayler’s eyes?

Larkin furrowed his brows and said, “Cobie, I will always see you as my baby sister. I will always want to protect you.” Letting out a sigh he shut his eyes before continuing, “Cobie, you should know by now that I would kill to protect you. I wanted you to have every option in the world open to you. I didn’t want you to have to let go of your dreams because of some sillyass mistake.”

Jenna was standing at Larkin’s side, her left hand resting on her swollen stomach, the light from my room reflecting off her diamond ring. The ring Larkin had given her to replace the one that I had at given her when I promised her my forever. And damn if it didn’t still hurt.

Cobie took a deep, shaky breath. “I know you want to protect me and I’m glad. And when I was fourteen I needed your protection. But I’ve grown up.” She took a step closer to me, brushing my hand. “What Gage and I did, I could never call that a mistake because out of that we created our baby. I’m not giving up my dreams. Simply creating new ones. When you found out about Evie a few years ago, weren’t you the one that told me you would do anything, even give up football to be her father. But look, you didn’t have to give up your dream to be a daddy. You created a new dream that included your family. That’s what I will do.”

“Do you think I would let her give up her dream just because I got her pregnant? That’s not who I am. I know she wants to be a doctor and I will make sure that happens. Even if that means I get up at three in the morning to feed our baby. I would do it. This situation isn’t ideal but its reality. It happened and now we deal with it and move on. We have our baby and raise her together, even if we aren’t together. This is Cobie and I and we got this shit under control.” Looking from face to face I stopped when my eyes landed on Cobie. “I won’t let you give up your dream. I can get a house in Ohio and we will raise our baby there so you can finish school. When I can’t be there I will make sure someone is always there to help.”

“I swear man if you fuck up and hurt her or this baby not even Jenna can keep you safe. Hear me?” Larkin fixed his eyes on me.

Giving him a hard nod I said, “Heard.”

Now he is getting a little taste of what I went through three years ago.

Walking up to house number four of the day, Cobie and I were both getting tired and irritated. Hopefully this one had the ‘IT’ factor.

Outside it was nice. There was a long, gated drive surrounded by mature oak trees and wild flowers. The house itself was a traditional brick Tudor. Just off the side of the house was a large tree with a tire swing. I could picture myself pushing my little girl on the swing when she was older.

…”And this one is only five hundred and twenty thousand.” My relator’s, Colleen’s voice broke through my day dream. “So very much under what you wanted to spend.”

Smiling at her I asked, “How many bedrooms?”

“Five bedrooms with four and a half baths. There is also a pool slash guest house and a barn with six stalls.

Cobie’s eyes lit up when she heard stalls. She loved horses. I had learned that over the last two weeks. We had learned a lot about each other. She wasn’t just that girl I fucked in my office. She was the mother of my child. She had hopes and dreams. She was scared and insecure. She was funny and when she was nervous she would nibble her bottom lip. Sarcasm was her second language. She’s an amazing person and if things were different I could see myself falling in love with her.

But, things weren’t different and this was life. We would be friends and we would raise our baby. In a way I found myself loving her but something different from the way I love Jenna.

Cobie nudged my arm. “We could get the baby a horse, Gage!” She sounded so hopeful and excited.

Shaking my head I said, “Yep, we could. But first, let’s find a house for our baby to live in. Don’t really feel like pullin’ some Mary and Joseph, having a baby in the barn shit.”

“Good point,” Cobie laughed as she followed Colleen into the house.

It was large and open. I’m no girl and houses don’t excite me but this place was beautiful.

Marble floors welcomed us in the foyer along with cascading stairs leading to the second floor. The marble continued down the hall and into the kitchen. The large living room was a dark hardwood with wall to wall windows over- looking the backyard and the barn. There was a stone fireplace in one corner and a built-in bookcase in the other. The kitchen had dark wood cabinets with black granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. There was a half bath on the first floor just off the kitchen along with the formal dining room. A small alcove was adjacent to the kitchen, perfect for a playroom.

“The master suite is also on this floor with his and her closets and a large spa style bathroom. It is just down this hall. The other four bedrooms are upstairs along with two full bathrooms. The basement is finished, it would perfect for your weight room and maybe a man cave? I think you two will really love this house.” Colleen said as she started walking down the hall toward the master bedroom.

“Let’s go see where the magic happens,” I joked, winking at Cobie. Her cheeks instantly pinked and she started nibbling her bottom lip.

Cobie wouldn’t look at me and avoided me as much as possible the rest of the tour. Once we were back in my black Lexus I asked, “What did you think?”

Shrugging she mumbled, “It’s your money. Get what you want.”

The lighthearted Cobie was gone. Back was the short, cold Cobie.

Placing my fingers under her chin I raised her head to look at me. “No. You listen to me, this is for us. For our baby. I want you happy too.”

She snorted and said, “You want me happy? Then stop making everything awkward. Everything doesn’t have to be turned into some sexual innuendo. This is hard enough with all your smartass remarks. I understand this isn’t easy for you either and you would much rather be out partying, screwing anything with a vagina, but you picked to be here. I didn’t force you.”

Mentally I counted to ten before replying through gritted teeth. “I know I picked to be here and I would do it again, over and over. This is just as hard on me as it is you. Neither one of us pictured things happening like this but it did. This is how I deal. I make dumbass remarks and say stupid shit. I don’t mean anything by it, Cobie. Honestly, I just wanted to make you laugh. If I woulda known it would upset you I woulda kept my damn mouth shut.” Using my free hand I picked up her hand. “If we want this thing between us to work then we both need to talk. We need to communicate. When I piss you off you can’t just shut down. Tell me. And when you’re being a pain in my ass I will let you know.”

Cobie shifted her eyes between mine. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, trapping it between her teeth. “I just don’t want you to feel trapped.”

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. “I don’t feel trapped. When will you get that through your damn head?” Cobie lifted one shoulder but said nothing. Wanting to lighten the mood I asked, “So what did you think of this place?”

As soon as I mentioned the house her face lit up. I could see the answer written all over her face, she had loved it but I wanted her to tell me. Fighting back her smile she said, “I liked it. What did you think?”

“I think if you liked it, then this is our new house. I will call Colleen and tell her to send the offer in. If everything goes smoothly we should have the keys in a week or so. Welcome to our new home.”

Both Cobie and I looked out the windshield at the large brick home in front of us. The house that would be ours to raise our child in.

She scrunched her face up. “How can you get the house so fast? Won’t we need to wait on the bank?”

I shook my head. “Nope. I’m paying cash. Cash money, baby.”

Cobie rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, “Of course you are. Why would you need a loan when you are the one and only Gage Tucker?”

Smirking I said, “That would be the one, the only, Gage Motha’ Fuckin’ Tucker.”

Cobie laughed and shook her head. “Call Colleen before your big head explodes.”

Oh man I could say something right now…No! I will be good and not upset her.

“What?”

“Huh?” I asked, confused.

“The look on your face. It was like you wanted to say something but changed your mind.”

How the hell did she know me so well already?

“I did but I decided not to.”

“Why?” Cobie asked. She squinted her eyes like she was trying to figure me out.

“It was dirty.”

Cobie’s eyes went from small slits to the size of saucers. “Oh.”

“Yep. That’s why I decided to just keep my mouth shut.”

Leaning her head back to lay on the head rest she stared out the windshield. “What were you going to say?”

I shook my head. “You get pissed when I say shit like I was thinking. My mouth is shut.”

Turning the car on, the radio came to life. And, damn if Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke wasn’t playing. Both Cobie and I looked at each other.

“Well, ain’t this just perfect?” Cobie asked, sitting up in her seat. She laughed and for the first time she looked comfortable with me.

“It is kinda fitting for us, huh?”

Cobie started singing along. And after a few beats I joined in. She looked relaxed. She looked beautiful. She caught my eye and gave me a huge smile. When the song ended she took a deep breath and sat back.

“So, Tucker, you going to tell me what was going through that head of yours earlier?”

Fine. If she wanted to know, I would tell her.

“You can’t get pissed because you asked for it.”

Cobie nodded and said, “I asked for it before and look where that got us.”

Damn. This girl had so many sides. She seems so quiet and sweet then BAM! She says something totally unlike the Cobie I know.

Giving her my famous ‘Tucker Tease’ smile, as it has been dubbed by the media, I said, “When you talked about my big head exploding, I thought that wasn’t the only big head I had that could explode.”

Cobie swallowed hard. “Well, I guess when it’s true I can’t really argue.”

Raising both my brows I lifted one side of my mouth. “Why, Cobie Nayler, did you just say I have a big dick?”

Cobie’s mouth popped open. “You are incorrigible.”

I shrugged. “Maybe so but that doesn’t change the fact that you just agreed that my dick was big.”

“Will you call Colleen already?”

“Will you answer my question already?”

Cobie wrinkled her nose. “Nope. Now call Colleen.”

Laughing I pulled my phone out and put my car into drive. I called Colleen on our way back to Cobie’s mom’s house. The following morning Colleen called back, informing us that the house was ours and since we were paying cash we would have the keys within days.

Five days later and we had the keys and started moving in, just in time for me to fly back to New York for meetings and a photo shoot for GQ.

7

Cobie

I rolled to my side trying to get comfortable but I could still feel the sharp pains in my back. I slightly opened my eyes to peek at my clock, a little after eight. I should probably get up. Gage would only be here a few more days before he had to fly back to New York to start practice. It felt like he was constantly flying between New York and home. He had just got here four days ago would be leaving soon. Then it was up in the air when I would see him.

I could smell the coffee aroma floating up from the kitchen, calling my name. Gage always made coffee for us in the morning when he was here. Following the scent of heaven to the kitchen I grabbed a mug from the cabinet, filling it full of coffee. I leaned my hip against the counter as I brought my mug to my lips, letting my nostrils fill with the sweet smell and my mouth warm with the dark liquid. Pure heaven.

“Morning, Co.” Gage said from the bar.

Turning my head in his direction I froze in place almost spitting my coffee out. Gage was sitting on a bar stool in nothing but gray shorts. His shirt was off giving me a full view of his six pack and chiseled chest. We may live together and have created a baby together but I had never seen this much of him. He looked like some sort of Greek God sitting on his throne.

“You goin’ to swallow that coffee or see if it magically absorbs into your belly?” Gage asked amused.

Clearly the guy was used to being ogled by the ladies. Hell, I’m sure even men ogled him.

Blinking a few times I swallowed my coffee choking out, “Sweet Jesus man. Is it even natural to have abs like that? What is that you have?...Like a twelve pack? Nobody should look that good this early in the morning.”

Gage quirked an eyebrow and looked at me over his coffee mug. “Nope. I was made in a factory.” Shaking his head he smirked. “Sweetheart it’s called hard work and dedication.” Setting his mug down he bent over a little to look at his stomach. Bringing his hand up he counted out loud as he ran his index finger along his abs. “One…two…three…four…five…six. Huh, I only have a six pack. But, a twelve pack, damn even I would be impressed with that.” Keeping his head down Gage looked up at me through his lashes.

Sitting like that, that look on his face he look every bit the womanizing man whore that I know he is. Or…well was? And damn if it wasn’t hot as hell.

Pursing my lips I shut my eyes only to open them and be looking at shirtless Gage again. This time he was on the cover of GQ magazine. Jesus! He was like a nasty little gnat…his half naked body was everywhere. Taking a closer look at the cover I saw Gage standing in the middle of what looked like a stadium, he was flexing both his arms as he held them straight out, a football in his right hand. His legs were crossed at his ankles and he had that damn panty melting smile on his smug face. Like he knew that every woman that saw this magazine would use it that night and possible the following weeks as their personal female fantasy fun time. Shoving the magazine across the counter I asked, “You still going to my doctor appointment today?”

“Hey now. Be easy to paper, Co. That was dropped off for me this morning. Actually, they gave me a whole box. So, if you’re in need of some new personal time material I can hook you up.”

Scoffing I put my hands on my hips and turned to look at him. “You going with me or not?”

Gage smiled and instantly my resolve was chipping away. His eyes were sparkling with humor, something I had seen a lot. Maybe if things had been different Gage and I could have been something. Well, something besides whatever the hell we are. Co-parents? Friends?

“Wouldn’t miss it. You said they’re taking blood today, too, right?”

“Ugh! Don’t remind me,” I groaned. “I’m going to go get ready. I want to leave around ten thirty. That okay with you?”

“Yup. Won’t take me long to get ready. Already showered after my workout. Just gotta get dressed.”

That man loved getting up early and working out. Me, I was more of a sleep until noon then eat twenty seven donuts kinda girl.

Shoving off the counter, I felt a sharp pain in my back. Reaching behind me, I put pressure on my spine, wincing.

“You ok?” Gage asked, standing from his stool and taking a few steps towards me.

And he just kept getting better. Not sure why I wasn’t expecting it but when he stood his shorts feel low on his hips. He had those indent things on his lower stomach. Those pesky little things that make a girl who was going to college to be a doctor sound like she should be flipping hamburgers at McDonalds.

Squeezing my eyes shut I stammered, “I’m fine. Just back pain. I’ve been having it a lot lately but I read back pain is normal in pregnancy. Nothing to worry about. Usually if I take a hot shower it helps.”

Gage’s face relaxed and his blue eyes lost their worry as he took a step back. “Ok. Go take a shower and hopefully it will help. I’ll make some pancakes and sausage while you’re getting ready.”

Starting to walk past Gage I stopped and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing the side of his mouth. “Thank you, Gage. I don’t know if I could do this alone.”

Hugging me tight to him he whispered, “I’m in this, Cobie. You’re not alone.”

Letting go of him I slowly made my way back to my room to shower and get ready. Today we find out if we get a boy or a girl and this was also the first ultrasound Gage was going to be at.

Stopping in front of the full length mirror in my bathroom I examined myself. My hips were slightly wider and my boobs were a little bigger. I raised my tee shirt up and rubbed my hand across my belly, looking at it in the mirror. I already had a few tiny stretch marks. My body had already changed so much in just a few short months. I wondered if a guy would ever look at my body again and think it was beautiful.

Turning on the shower I made the water as hot as I could stand it without scalding myself. Stripping my clothes I stepped into the stone covered shower letting the hot water run over me. Lifting my arms to wet my hair I felt another sharp pain in my lower back. Sucking in my breath I shifted so the water was hitting directly on my back. Feeling my tears welling in my eyes I rubbed hard circles on my back, hoping to relieve the pain.

Once my pain was manageable I reached for my shampoo and squirted it into my hands, massaging it through my hair. Finally starting to relax I let out a small little moan.

“Keep that up and I won’t stay on this side of the glass.”

Jumping in surprise I used my hands and arms attempting to cover myself.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked Gage.

“I yelled to let you know breakfast was ready. There was no response. Just makin’ sure you weren’t dead or some shit.”

Backing into the corner I watched Gage as he watched me, looking me up and down. Biting on my lower lip I said, “As you can see I’m fine. Now, if you don’t mind I would like to finish my shower.

Instead of leaving, Gage slowly opened the shower door. What the hell was he doing?

Raising on my tippy toes attempting to push myself into the corner more I screeched, “What? Get out!”

Gage let the water hit his bare chest and back. It ran down soaking his black gym shorts. Holding his hand out to my stomach he hushed me. “Shh. Just relax. I’ve never seen your stomach. And seeing it now, knowing that’s my baby in there, it’s amazing. You look beautiful, Cobie.”

Feeling that buzz between us growing I tried to look away but that strong, hard body in front of me kept my eyes glued to him.

Rubbing his hand over my stomach he asked, “Has it moved? I mean like can you feel it move?” Gage dropped to his knees, water covering him.

“Yes. But usually it’s at night. I think the baby sleeps a lot during the day. Sometimes when I eat I can feel it moving around.”

Placing a soft kiss on my stomach he whispered something to quiet for me to hear. Slowly he started to raise back up placing a few more feather light kisses on my stomach on his way.

Close. We were too close. My body was responding to his being right in front of mine. This wasn’t ok but I was stuck.

Gage ran his nose up mine as he straightened letting his forehead rest on mine. Shutting my eyes I attempted to think of anything else but a mostly naked and wet Gage. Anything at all. I thought of homeless kitties. Homeless kitties made me think of them not having a home when it rains. Rain makes me think of water. Water makes me think of showers. Showers makes me think of a very wet Gage. And Gage wasn’t the only wet thing in this shower anymore.

“Breathe Cobie. Open your eyes. I won’t do anything, swear.” Gage whispered in my ear.

Cracking my eyes open just enough to see his face I said, “It’s not you I’m worried about.”

“Cobie, look at me.”

Biting on my lower lip I brought my eyes up to meet his.

“What are you worried about?” Gage asked.

“Me.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t want to end up being another dumb girl you can add to your bedpost. Obviously our bodies want each other but I need more than that.”

Lifting his hand he placed it on my cheek and ran his thumb across my lips. “You were never just another notch on my bedpost. Don’t ever think that. I do want you, I’m not going to lie. You look so beautiful right now. Your body changing because our baby is growing inside of you, I have never seen a more beautiful woman. Cobie, you are more than just some dumb girl. You are the mother of my child and I love you for that.”

Tilting my head in shock I asked, “You love me?”

Gage’s eyes sparkled as he smiled. “Yeah. I do.”

“Kiss me.”

Gage brought his other hand up and cupped my face. “My pleasure.”

Covering my mouth with his I felt the hot water beating down on us as he took full control of the kiss. His lips smoothly meshing with mine as his tongue explored my mouth. He was slow, gentle.

Dropping my arms from covering myself I grabbed onto his broad shoulders as a whimper left my mouth.

Gage went to pull away but I stopped him. Using my mouth to keep him close to me. “More. I want more.”

Gage didn’t say a word. He nodded.

Letting my hands slip down his wet body I pushed his gym shorts down. Commando. He was going freaking commando.

Gage used his hips to pin me against the wall and stuck one of his legs between mine, forcing me to open them. He slipped one hand between us and into the place I needed it most. He let out a deep throaty groan with his finger slipped into my wetness.

“Damn. You really want it, don’t you?” Gage asked between kisses.

“Maybe just a little,” I giggled trying to hide my embarrassment.

Lifting me a little he positioned himself and gently slid into me. It had been months since I felt this. The welcomed stretching and burning felt good.

Letting my head fall back and a moan escape my lips I begged, “Please. I need this.”

“Don’t worry sweetheart. I will give you what you need. The doctor ordered an extra large dose of PENIS-cylin and I came to deliver.”

Gage and I both laughed at his cheesy joke. Mid laugh he pulled out and slammed back into me. Shut me up. But he didn’t stop. He reached above us with one arm, placing his hand on the stone wall, using it as an anchor. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his strong jaw. With his other hand he found my swollen, throbbing clit and rubbed quick circles. Pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

“This what you needed, baby?” Gage grunted.

Running my teeth over my lower lip I barely got out, “Uh huh.” As the words left my mouth I fell over the edge. Screaming incoherently as Gage kept slamming into me.

As I was coming down from my orgasmic high I felt Gage stiffen as he released his orgasm inside of me.

His body shaking, he pushed into me one last time and let out a deep breath before slowly pulling out. He wrapped both arms around my body and rested his head on my shoulder. “That wasn’t just sex Cobie. Remember that. You’re special. We have something no one else ever will.”

Fighting my tears I said, “Ok.” That was all I could say.

Gage cracked a smile and asked, “So how about those pancakes?”

Walking into the doctor’s office I waved to Jeanie, the nurse who ran the front desk.

“Cobie, go ahead and leave a urine sample then you can go into room two, please,” Jeanie said, handing me a small specimen cup.

Grabbing the cup I turned to Gage. “Go through that door and to room two. I will be there in one minute.”

Gage scrunched his brows and asked, “Where is room two?”

Raising an eyebrow I said, “The room with the number two. There is only five rooms Gage, pretty sure you can handle it.”

“Smartass,” I heard Gage mumble as he walked passed me and down the hall.

After peeing in the little cup I sat it on the nurse’s cart and went into room two. Gage was sitting in the chair in the corner, a pamphlet in his hand.

“What’cha reading?”

Gage looked at me with humor dancing in his eyes. “Just catching up on my STD’s.”

“Eww. You can keep your STD’s to yourself.”

Gage smirked. “Baby, I think it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”

Sticking my tongue out, I was about to say something when a nurse walked into my room.

“I’m just here to collect your blood. Nothing fun.” The cute, older nurse said, smiling.

“Yippee!” I said, rolling my eyes.

I reached for Gage’s hand as the nurse set everything up. “Please, hold my hand for this. I am terrified of needles,” I begged Gage.

Holding his hand out Gage gave me a sweet smile, something I didn’t see often. Well at least not associated with me. I got his bedroom smile or his goofy smile, hell even his pissy smile but never his sweet smile.

Pinching my eyes shut when I felt the nurse pushing the needle into my arm I sucked in a breath and squeezed Gage’s hand.

“Great job, honey. One more tube and I will be all finished with you,” My nurse said.

Feeling the nurse pulling the needle out and loosening the tourniquet I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. “That wasn’t so bad.” I let go of Gage’s hand and looked at him

Gage wiggled his fingers, opening and closing his hand as he snorted. “Maybe for you. I may need an x-ray to make sure you didn’t just break my hand.”

Shaking my head, I winked. “I think you’ll live.”

Gage mocked pained and said, “You may have just broke my multimillion dollar hand and you show no concern. What kind of person is carrying my child?” He placed his hand over his heart and fought his smile.

My nurse smiled at me as she said, “I’m all finished here. Dr. Fleming should be in, in just a few minutes.”

“Ok. Thank you.”

The room was silent as we watched my nurse walk out, closing the door behind her.

“Have you thought of any names you like yet?”

Gage lifted one shoulder and ducked his head. Gage acting shy? Say what!

“I was thinking if we have a boy we could name him Henry, after your dad.” Gage lifted his head, letting his eyes meet mine.

Feeling the lump in my throat and the burning behind my eyes, I swallowed my tears. “Henry Gage Tucker, I love that.”

“And if it’s a girl? Have you thought of a name?”

Blinking the tears from my eyes, I bit down on my bottom lip. “Londyn Hope.”

Gage looked between my eyes before asking, “How did you come up with that name?”

“I had always dreamed of going to London but now all my dreams are for our baby. And Hope for Fairhope, where she was conceived.”

“I like it. Londyn Hope Tucker.”

A knock on my door interrupted our conversation. I scooted back on the exam table and Dr. Fleming walked in.

“Good afternoon, Cobie.” Dr. Fleming shook my hand as took a seat on his stool. He reached out and shook Gage’s hand. “Hello, I am Dr. Fleming.”

Gage nodded. “Nice to meet you. I’m Gage Tucker.”

Dr. Fleming smiled before turning back to me. “So, today is just the routine checkup to make sure baby is growing as he or she should be. But, if we can get baby to cooperate we can find out the sex, if you would like.”

Nodding quickly I said, “Yes. I have been counting down to finding out if we’re having a son or daughter.”

“Then lets measure your belly then we can get to the fun stuff.” Dr. Fleming lifted my shirt and measured me, making sure I was growing like I should. “You’re measuring just like you should. The nurse was already in to take your blood, right?”

Glancing at Gage, I smirked. “Yes, she was.”

“Great. If everything comes back normal you shouldn’t hear from us but if something comes back you should get a call in two or three days. Now, let’s get you across the hall so we can find out if that’s a little boy or girl.”

Hopping off the table I felt that same shooting pain in my back. Again, I reached behind my back and put pressure, rubbing my spine.

Gage was at my side and asked, “You’re back again?”

Taking slow, deep breaths I nodded. “Mmhm.”

Dr. Fleming reached for my arm and asked, “This happen a lot?”

Gage answered for me, “It has been lately.”

Dr. Fleming pursed his lips. “You shouldn’t be having pain like that. I think you should make an appointment to see a chiropractor to make sure you don’t have a pinched nerve or your spine is out of alignment.”

“Usually when I take a hot shower the pain eases. But, I will make an appointment with a chiropractor when I leave.”

Nodding once Dr. Fleming opened the door and led us across the hall.

“I’ll let Connie know you’re ready. And I want to see you back in three weeks. Take care.”

“Thank you Dr. Fleming.” Gage shook his hand and walked into the ultrasound room.

“Thanks doctor. See you in a few weeks.” I shook his hand and turned to walk into the dimly lit room.

Sitting on the table I let my feet swing from side to side. I was getting nervous. Looking up I saw Gage staring at me. There was something in his eyes that I had never seen before. He looked happy, content.

Connie came breezing into the room, setting her machine up and having me lay back.

“Ready to find out?” Connie asked excitedly.

“Yes!”

Connie squirted the goo on my belly and I focused on the screen, waiting for my baby to pop up.

When the tiny form showed up on the screen I heard Gage’s intake of breath. Taking my eyes off the screen I looked at Gage and pulled him to me. He ran his hand down my arm to hold my hand and placed his other hand on my shoulder.

Gage looked down, both of us watching each other. Something was changing between us. Everything was changing between us.

“If you look right here, see those three lines?” Connie asked, pulling Gage and I from our trance.

Both Gage and I looked at the screen.

“You guys are looking at your daughter. You’re having a girl.”

Squeezing Gage’s hand I looked from the screen to Gage and back to the screen.

Gage kissed my temple. “We’re having a girl.” His voice was shaky, his eyes glazed over as he stared at the screen. Londyn Hope Tucker. I’m going to be a daddy. I’m going to have a daughter.” The first tears raced down his cheeks as his mouth formed the widest smile I had ever seen. “My little girl.”

Lightly running my hand over Gage’s cheek I said, “And she is a very lucky little girl. You’re going to be the best daddy to our daughter.”

8

Cobie

Three days after my doctor appointment I was watching Gage pack for his flight. His large suitcase was at the foot of his bed with clothes stacked next to it. I was curled up at the head of his bed, my head resting on my hand.

“Cobie, please don’t look so sad.” Gage tossed a pair of athletic shorts into his suitcase before walking around his bed and sitting beside me.

“It’s just going to be weird without you here. Just when we are starting to figure shit out and get life back to normal, you have to leave.”

Resting his forehead on my shoulder I heard him sigh. “You could come with me. Stay at my apartment in the city.”

“You know I can’t do that. I have a doctor’s appointment in a few weeks and you will be busy with football. I understand why you’re leaving. I’m just saying it sucks.”

Gage lifted his head and slowly brought his lips to mine. He ran his tongue over my lower lip as he shifted me onto my back, resting above me.

Just when our kiss was turning hot my phone started ringing. Gage pulled in a steadying breath as he leaned up and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

Sliding the answer button across my screen I answered, “Hello?”

“Is this Miss Nayler?”

“Yes, who’s calling?”

“This is Trish. I’m calling from Women’s Health Center regarding the blood work you had done. It seems your white blood cell count is down. Dr. Fleming would like you to call Dr. Emmons from University of Cincinnati’s Oncology team.”

Oncology? Like cancer?

“Dr. Fleming thinks I have cancer?” I asked, hardly above a whisper.

I avoided looking at Gage but I could feel him tense beside me.

“No ma’am. He’s not saying that. But with your white count being so low he wants to rule out the most dangerous first. More than likely it’s a vitamin deficiency but Dr. Fleming is just taking precaution.”

“Um. Ok, sure. Do you have the number for the doctor that Dr. Fleming wants to me see?”

“Yes, of course.”

Trish rattled the number off and I scribbled it on a piece of paper Gage had on his nightstand.

Ending the call, I looked straight ahead.

Cancer. I couldn’t have cancer. This couldn’t be right. I was only twenty. I was pregnant.

“Cobie? Will you please tell me what the fuck is goin’ on?”

Looking out the corner of my eyes at Gage, I said, “My white blood cell count is low. I have to see an oncologist.”

“An oncologist? Why?” Gage’s blue eyes clouded over.

“Gage, I might…”-my voice cracked-“I might have cancer. What am I going to do?” I dropped my head into my hands as my cries shook my body.

“Shh, baby. We don’t know anything yet. I need to make a few calls and let people know I won’t be back as soon as planned.”

I sniffed and said between sobs, “You have to.”-sniff-“go back. The team…they need you.”

Gage put his knuckle under my chin and raised my head so I was looking at him. “No, they don’t need me. You need me. I’m not going anywhere.”

It took a few hours but I finally calmed down enough to call Dr. Emmons and make the appointment. Since I was pregnant they wanted to see me the next morning at eight to get more blood and do a few scans.

I had decided that until we knew what was going on only Gage and I would know about this cancer scare.

Just saying the word cancer made me nauseous.

Walking downstairs I found Gage in the kitchen making grilled cheese and tomato soup.

“Cobie, you need to eat.” Gage dipped soup out of the pot and placed the grilled cheese on a plate. “Here, please eat.”

Stirring my soup I took a few bites before scooting the bowl away. “I can’t. I think I’m going to try and get some sleep.”

The sadness on Gage’s face broke my heart. “’Okay. And Cobie, don’t worry about this until we have a reason to worry, which I don’t think we will.”

“I hope.” I blinked back my tears and turned to walk out. Gage grabbed my arm and wrapped his arms around me. I felt protected. Being in his arms made me feel safe.

“God won’t do this to us. Our daughter and I need you. You can’t have cancer.” Gage lifted my head so I was looking him in the eye. “Cobie, I love you and we are going to raise our daughter together. Your stubborn ass isn’t going anywhere. Got it?”

Slowly, a smile formed on my face and I chewed my bottom lip. “I love you too, Gage. But, I am so scared right now. I just need you with me. I need to know that whatever happens our daughter will have you.”

“You and Londyn will always have me.” Gage pressed his lips to my forehead. “Want me to lay with you?”

“Please.”

Gage lifted me effortlessly into his arms and walked us back down the hall to his bedroom.

This place was huge. Every THING looked clean and sterile. Every ONE looked sick and tired.

“Cobie Nayler?” The girl called out from the doorway.

Looking at Gage, I fought back my tears and took his hand, walking toward the waiting girl.

“Cobie?”

“Yes. Cobie Nayler.” I said, quietly.

“Hi, I’m Angie. Follow me please. Dr. Emmons would like to see you before any test are performed.”

Holding Gage’s hand we followed behind Angie, down the long hall to a large door. Angie knocked once before opening it and saying, “Dr. Emmons, Cobie Nayler is here.”

Angie pushed the door open wide and ushered us in.

Standing from behind his desk, Dr. Emmons held his hand out. “Cobie, nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Emmons.”

Shaking his hand I said, “Um…nice to meet you too.” I pointed next to me and said, “This is Gage, my um, he’s my baby’s father?” It sounded more like a question but Dr. Emmons didn’t notice, he just shook Gage’s hand before sitting back down.

Dr. Emmons laced his fingers together as he spoke, “Cobie, I’m sure you know why you’re here. Before we get to the heavy stuff I want to ask a few routine questions. Have you been feeling more tired than normal lately?”

Raising an eyebrow I looked at the doctor like he was a total moron. “Yes, I’m pregnant. I’m always tired.”

Dr. Emmons paid no attention to the sarcasm in my voice and moved onto the next question. “Have you found yourself being in a lot of pain in a certain area?”

“Actually my lower back. It’s worse when I’m active, more than normal.”

Dr. Emmons furrowed his brow. “Hmm. Loss of appetite?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Have you noticed any bruising?”

“No. I mean, I really haven’t looked but I haven’t noticed any.”

Dr. Emmons took notes and looked up at me. “Now, this is in no way saying you have cancer. This is to rule cancer out. I have ordered a few blood tests and a CT scan to determine if you do have cancer, and if you do, what kind. Chances are, since you’re pregnant you’re just experiencing a vitamin deficiency that has messed with your blood count. We will have your test back by this afternoon. I am putting a rush on your tests since you are pregnant. We want to hurry and rule this out so Dr. Fleming can figure out what is going on.”

“What happens if my tests do come back that its cancer?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking the question.

“If, and that’s a big if…if it is cancer, depending on the type and stage will determine our course of action. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves and start worrying before its needed. Just get your tests done and we will go from there. The nurse out front has the paperwork you need to take upstairs. When you’re finished you are free to leave. When we have the results, one of my nurses will call for you to come back in.”

Six hours later my phone was ringing.

“Hello?”

“Miss Nayler? This is Angie from Dr. Emmons office.”

“Yes?”

“Your results are in, Dr. Emmons would like to see you again today to go over the results. Can you be here at three?” Angie asked.

Glancing at my watch I saw it was two thirty. “Yes, three is fine.”

“Ok, see you then.”

I hung up my phone I looked to Gage. “They want us back at three.”

“They want us back so they can say everything looks great.” Gage gave me a sweet smile.

I didn’t have that same feeling. Something didn’t feel right. I knew it but I didn’t want to say anything to Gage. I had cancer. I knew it, I could feel it. I had to accept it.

Forcing a smile I said, “You’re probably right.

Sitting in Dr. Emmons office I looked at the books behind his desk. Hearing the door open I pulled my eyes to see him walk in. His face looked sympathetic, not the happy doctor from earlier.

Cancer. I had cancer.

“Cobie, Gage, I got the results back and I’m so sorry to tell you this but you do have cancer. You have a very rare form of bone cancer known as Osteosarcoma of the spine.”

My world stopped.

Swallowing hard I looked at Dr. Emmons and asked, “What are my options?”

Dr. Emmons dropped his head and rubbed his forehead before looking between Gage and I. “Your only chance at beating this is terminating the pregnancy. Your tumor is inoperable because of its location. Your only hope is aggressive radiation and chemotherapy. Neither of which you can do while pregnant.”

Feeling my tears streaming down my face, I shook my head. “I’m not losing my baby, our baby. What are my chances if I wait to do treatment until my baby is born?”

Gage laced his fingers with mine and said, “Cobie, this is your life. You have to fight.”

“Not if it takes our baby away. Londyn will be here in four months, what are my chances Dr. Emmons if I wait?”

Dr. Emmons looked between Gage and I then answered, “Honestly, not good. Without treatment you have 6 months to a year to live. This is a very aggressive form of cancer.”

Looking at Gage I said, “Dr. Emmons will you give us a moment, please?”

“Of course. This is a lot to take in. When you’re ready I will be just down the hall.” Scooting his chair back he stood and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Surprisingly I was calm. I had been preparing myself for this result. I had no other choice than acceptance. I had to accept this. Face reality and realize I wouldn’t get to watch my daughter grow up. See her first step, hear her say mama, watch her walk into school on her first day, help her get ready for prom, or talk about her first kiss. I was going to miss everything. But, I would miss it all so she could experience it. Terminating was not at option. Londyn would be born and Gage would raise her. That was the only reality I was willing to accept.

“Cobie? What are you thinking?” Gage’s eyes were misty.

“I’m not giving Londyn up. We are going to have a daughter and you’re going to raise her. I’m not going to do treatments. I want to enjoy my daughter and spend my time with you and her.”

Gage sucked in a breath. “I can’t lose you Cobie. I won’t lose you.”

“Gage, you’re not losing me. I will always be with you. I have cancer and I’m going to die within a year.”

I watched as a tear slid down his face, landing on his dark blue cotton shirt.

I would be gone before my daughter even knew me. I would only get a few months with her if I was lucky. I had cancer and I was dying. I could lay around and mope about it or I could live my life like anyone else and enjoy being pregnant and having my baby. That was all I had left.

“The fuck I ain’t, Cobie. You die. You’re gone. I lose you. You can’t do this. You can’t kill yourself.”

Grabbing both of Gage’s hands I held his gaze, “Gage, our daughter is growing inside of me, I am not going to do anything to jeopardize that. I have cancer. It fucking sucks but its life. I am not going to let this stop me from having our baby- from becoming a family. Even if it is just for a few months.”

Watching all the emotions roll over Gage’s face I wanted to curse God. Why would he do this? Was this my punishment for getting pregnant by my brothers best friend? I had so many questions running through my head. Letting my tears slide down my face I softly sighed. This was my choice and I wasn’t changing my mind. I would not risk my child just so I could live. I would never be able to live with myself if I terminated my pregnancy just so I could have a life. That isn’t what a mom would do. This wasn’t a hard decision. I didn’t have to think about it at all. Londyn was my choice. Being a mom and having a family was my choice.

Gage grabbed my face as his tears let loose. “I support whatever you choose. I want my family but how will I have my family if you’re gone? I thought the plan was to raise her together? We can’t do that if you’re not here.”

Placing my hand over Gage’s heart, I felt it racing. “Gage, I will always be with you, in here. You won’t be alone. Now, I’m going to go get Dr. Emmons and tell him what we decided. No treatment.”

Gage dropped his hands from my face and wiped at his eyes. Without saying anything he nodded.

Walking down the hall I found Dr. Emmons sitting at a smaller desk, looking at his iPad.

“Dr. Emmons, Gage and I made our decision.”

Looking up from his iPad, he gave a half smile. “Okay. Let’s go back to my office and talk.”

Following Dr. Emmons back down the hall to his office, I found Gage still in his chair, staring at his hands.

Dr. Emmons took his seat behind his desk, joining his hands under his chin. “Cobie has told me you have made your decision.”

Gage looked to me, pain written all over his face. “Yes.”

I leaned into Gage and wrapped my arm around his. “No treatment.”

Dr. Emmons sighed and said, “Cobie, you understand without any treatment you have very little chance of survival?”

Sniffing, I waited as the image of my doctor blurred as tears filled my eyes. “Yes, I understand. But, with all due respect I will not lose my child just so I can have a life. I will take these next few months that I have and cherish them. I want my family, if only for a few days or weeks or months. That is better than nothing. Nothing you say will change my mind doctor.”

Dr. Emmons smiled. “In no way am I trying to change your mind. What you are doing is incredibly brave and shows just how much love you have for your child.”

Pulling into our driveway Gage put his car in park and stared into space.

“Fuck! I can’t believe this is happening. We don’t deserve this. We deserve to be a family. To be happy. To raise our daughter together. Fuck cancer!” Gage slammed his hands on the steering wheel.

I had never seen this side of Gage. He was scary.

“Gage, don’t do this. Getting angry won’t do anything. We can’t change this.”

“Oh God, Co.” Gage hung his head. “I’m so sorry. I know there isn’t anything we can do. I just feel like I should be able to fix this. And, I can’t.”

I blinked my tears away. “I don’t expect you to fix this. I just want you by my side.”

Gage lifted his head and kissed me softly. “I’m standing right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

9

Gage

It had been almost two weeks since Cobie was diagnosed with cancer. Two of the hardest weeks of my life. This was tearing me apart. After she and I found out we were having a girl I felt like we had turned a corner only to smack face first into a twenty foot tall brick wall. It was too late to tell myself I would be fine without her. Fact was, I loved her. Being with her took away the hurt and emptiness. Now I was losing her, too.

True, one could say we wouldn’t be together if it wasn’t for Londyn, and chances are they would be right. But, I had been attracted to Cobie since the first time I saw her walk into Jenna’s parent’s house the week of Jenna and Larkin’s wedding. I watched her all weekend. Then that night she came into my bar, she looked so innocent. I was drawn straight to her. I thought if I could just screw her one time she would be out of my system. Shit, was I wrong. That only made it worse, and to add insult to injury, the following days she ignored me and acted as if she didn’t even know me.

Sighing, I collected myself and started down the stairs. “I called my parents, they are flying in tomorrow afternoon. Have you heard anything from Larkin and Jenna?” I asked as I walked into the living room, where Cobie sat curled up on the couch. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying.

Blinking tears out of her eyes she tossed her cell phone onto the coffee table and said, “Yep. Just got off the phone with Larkin. They are taking the first flight in the morning so they should be here sometime tomorrow afternoon, too. Now all I have to do is have my mom and Gramps come over.”

“Cobie, are we sure about this? I mean I want to be a dad and be a family but at the cost of losing you?”

I sat down beside her and pulled her feet into my lap. We were both silent for a long time, staring at nothing in particular.

“This was the easiest choice I have ever had to make. You know if you were me, you would pick the same thing. I’m going to have our baby and we are going to be a family for however long we can. I will not let this cancer beat me. I will die a happy mom who was blessed enough to bring life into this world.”

Why did God feel the need to take the only two women I loved away from me? No, Cobie and I were not in love like a married couple but we loved each other. She had become my best friend. She filled the void Jenna left. And now- now I was losing her too. My faith in God was failing. If there was a God, where was he? Why was he taking this beautiful, funny, smart, sassy, stubborn, and selfless woman? She still had so much she needed to do and see. So much more to offer. Her daughter needed her. Fuck, I needed her.

Speaking around the lump forming in my throat I said, “I need you, Co. How am I going to raise our daughter? She’s going to need her mom.”

Cobie raked her teeth over her top lip, pulling it slightly into her mouth. “I need you to promise me something. Promise me that Londyn will know who I am. That she will know how much I loved her and wanted to be her mommy. Promise that when you find someone, she loves Londyn like I would.”

Pulling her into my lap I rubbed my hand on Cobie’s belly. “She will know what an amazing woman you are. I will tell her every day. There will be no question as to how much you loved her. I swear, I will make it my life’s goal to teach her everything about you and the love you had to give. I will never find someone to replace you, Co. I can’t picture anyone but you to raise our daughter with. If it’s not you, I don’t want anyone else.”

She had a sad smile on her face, her eyes full of pain and unshed tears. “Gage, you will find someone who will make you forget all the hurt. I don’t want you to stop living your life when I’m gone. I want you to live. You have to.” Cobie’s voice started shaking. “I need you to be happy for yourself and for Londyn. I want her to see how wonderful her daddy is.”

“How did we get here? Just a few days ago we were the happiest people in the world and now we are discussing your death. Fuck!” I ran my hands through my hair, squeezing my eyes shut. “If there is a God now would be the time to work some miracles.”

Cobie rested her head on my shoulder. “Gage, you can’t think like that. Now is when you have to have your faith. You need to trust God. I’m still battling with my anger but I have faith. I need you to, too. I need you to believe.”

“How can I believe in God when he is ripping you away from me? I want to have faith and believe that everything will be ok but then I think about my life without you and I lose all hope.” She snuggled into me and I inhaled her sweet lavender scent.

“I’m here now, let’s enjoy the time we have and not think about the future. Live one day at a time.” Cobie fisted my shirt in her hand and let out a soft sigh. “We can get through this, I promise.”

Running my hand through her long, dark hair I fought back tears. Leaning down I kissed her just above her ear and whispered, “Go to sleep, I can see how tired you are.”

She barely got her nod out before her soft snores filled my ears. Carrying her down the hall I gently laid her down on my bed, pulling the covers over her. I watched as her chest rose and fell with her breathing. She brought her hand up and curled it around the sheet, pulling it closer to her face. She looked so innocent, so beautiful. So perfect.

Shedding my jeans and shirt, I climbed into bed and pulled her to me. Bringing her hand to my mouth I gently kissed it. Hugging her tight to me I whispered, “I love you”.

She made a soft humming noise as a small smile formed on her lips. “I hoped you did. Night, Gage.”

My eyes popped open and I was hoping I just had a really bad nightmare. Rolling my head on my pillow I saw Cobie lying next to me. Not a nightmare. Grabbing my alarm clock I read the time, ten forty three in the morning. I maneuvered myself from under Cobie and grabbed a pair of gym shorts. Pulling them on, I made my way downstairs to my workout room. I had a lot of anger to work through. A lot of pain to drowned out.

Stepping on the treadmill I hit the power button and started running. Running helped clear my head.

It seemed like I just started running when the door opened. Cobie stepped through and looked at me. She looked tired. She didn’t look like the happy pregnant mommy to be.

“Jenna just text me, they just landed so they should be here in an hour or so. I don’t want to worry them so can we please act like everything is ok, at least until tonight when everyone is here. Then we can tell them why they all needed to fly out here.”

Stopping the treadmill I grabbed a towel off the rack and wiped my face. “I will do my best, Cobie. I don’t know what you expect me to do. I can’t act like everything is perfect, I have never been good at hiding shit.”

“I’m not asking you to act like life couldn’t be better but we need to hide our pain for just a few hours. That’s all I’m asking. I don’t think it’s too much.”

“Fuck, Cobie! How much more are you going to ask of me? First, you ask that I raise our daughter alone. Second, it’s making sure our daughter knows about you. Third, you ask me to move on and find someone to be a family with. And, now you’re asking if I can act as if none of this is happening. I can only do so much.”

I saw the hurt in her eyes. I hated myself for causing her anymore pain.

“You think you have it bad? You weren’t the one who was just told you were going to die. At least you will be here when our daughter grows up. I am going to miss everything Gage. I was asked to choose between our daughter and my life. I haven’t asked you anything near as difficult as what has been asked of me. My answer was simple. All I’m asking is you throw on a fake smile.”

In a few strides I was standing in front of her. “Cobie, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be taking this out on you. I have so much anger and hate inside. Maybe it would be best if I just left for the day. I will be back before my parents get here.”

Cobie dropped her eyes. “Gage, please don’t leave me. Don’t run. Not now. Not when I need you the most.”

Grabbing her face I ran my thumbs across her cheeks. “I’m not leaving you and I sure as fuck ain’t running. You want today to be as normal as possible and I can’t promise that. I don’t want to add more stress to you.”

Wrapping her small hands around my wrists she said, “I’m asking you to stay, please? I can’t face my brother alone. We only have a few hours before your parents and my mom gets here. We can do it, together.” Her voice was pleading, her eyes begging.

She needed me. I needed her. We had to be brave and get through this together.

Kissing the top of her head, I let my lips rest in her hair and said, “I’m here. We will do this together.”

I felt Cobie relax under me and her little breath tickled my bare chest. “Thank you, Gage.”

Pulling back I looked her in the eyes. “Thank you, Co. We will get through this, I swear.” Palming her cheek, she leaned into my hand and closed her eyes. “I will stand by you through this. I won’t let you go, Co. You’re not fighting this alone.”

I watched as tears fell down her cheek. “I’m so scared, Gage.”

“Me, too, Cobie.”

Opening her eyes, she looked up at me and a huge grin formed on her face. “No offense but, you smell horrible.”

Laughing, I dropped my hand from her face. “It’s called working out sweetheart, sweat happens.”

“And now, a shower should happen.” Cobie reached behind me and smacked my ass before turning away from me.

I stood there watching her walk away, not wanting to think about life in the future. I had to think about now and what I had. Getting mad and upset wasn’t going to change anything. Cobie would still have cancer. She needed me to be strong for her and I would do that. She didn’t need me hating the world. I was going to stand beside her and fight like hell to make her last months the best. We were going to be a family, not a family who has cancer.

After a quick shower, I pulled on my boxers and a pair of jeans. Grabbing my t-shirt, I tossed it over my shoulder and went to find Cobie.

“Have you ate lunch yet?”

She looked up from her laptop and shook her head. “No. I was going to wait until Jenna and Larkin got here. We could have lunch with them.”

“I can grill some burgers, if you want. You could make some of that kick ass potato salad I love and baked beans.”

“Ok. Will you call them and see where they are so I know when I should start cooking? My phone is upstairs charging. I forgot to plug it in last night.”

“Yep.”

Sliding my phone out of my pocket I pulled Larkin’s number up and hit send.

“What’s up?” Larkin answered.

“Co wanted me to call and see when y’all would be here. She wants to make lunch.” I could hear Evie yelling in the background. She was yelling something about cows.

“We should be there in about twenty minutes. She doesn’t need to cook for us. We can stop somewhere, it’s not a big deal.” Larkin said.

“Your sister wants to. It’s nothing big, just burgers, potato salad, and baked beans. Quick and easy.”

“If y’all insist, then that’s fine with us. See you in a few.”

“’Ight. Bye.” I hit end and locked my phone screen, sliding it back into my pocket. “They should be here in twenty minutes. I’m going to fire up the grill and get the burgers goin’.”

A little over twenty minutes later I saw a black Audi SUV pulling into my driveway. “Co, your brother and Jenna are here.” I yelled through the screen door.

I went back to the grill, grabbing my beer and taking a long pull. I finished the beer off and tossed it into the garbage. Opening the refrigerator under the grill I grabbed another beer and popped the top off.

“Hey, you.” Jenna said from behind me.

Not turning to look at her I said, “Hey.” I couldn’t look at her. If I did she would see something was wrong. She knew me.

“Need any help?” Jenna took a few steps closer.

“Nope, I got everything out here.”

“Hmm. Cobie told me you could use my help.”

“Oh. I don’t know why she told you that but I have everything under control.”

“Gage, what’s wrong?”

I chanced looking at her. She looked huge. She had almost three months left before she was due but from the look of her I didn’t give her more than a month.

Pasting a fake smile on my face I said, “Nothing. Why would something be wrong?”

“I don’t know, but something is up. When Cobie called last night she said we had to come out. She wouldn’t tell us anything more. I swear if you two did something stupid like run off and get married I will kill you.”

Nearly dropping my glass beer bottle I choked out, “No. We sure as shit didn’t get married. Damn, Jenna. Could you have a little faith in me?”

Laying her head on my shoulder she sighed. “I know, I’m sorry Gage. I just want to know why we are here.”

“You will find out soon. We are just waiting for my parents and her mom. They should be here in a few hours. Until then let’s just enjoy the day.”

“Ok. I will go get you a plate for the burgers.”

Walking into the living room I saw my parents sitting together on the couch, Carrie was on the floor with Evie, Gramps was sitting in the rocking chair, Jenna was on Larkin’s lap in the chair and Cobie was curled in the corner of the loveseat. Her resolve was fading. Her smile wasn’t as bright as it had been earlier and her eyes were showing more pain than happiness. She looked like she could break at any moment.

Taking a seat next to Cobie I pulled her to my side. Leaning down I whispered, “Ready?”

She nodded.

Jenna scooted around on Larkin’s lap, uncomfortably. “Ok. So, we are all here. Will one of you please tell us why?”

Leave it to Jenna to not so subtly ask what the hell was going on.

She already had tears running down her face. Jenna looked from Cobie to me then back to Cobie. “Please tell me what is going on. Now I’m getting really scared. Don’t tell me you lost the baby. That can’t be true.”

Both Cobie and I shook our heads. I pulled her closer to me. “I will tell them.”

She looked up at me. “No, I have to. I need to.”

I kissed her nose. “I understand.”

Sitting straight, she reached for my hand. Wrapping my hand around hers I rested my other hand around her shoulders, keeping her close to me.

“I’m sure everyone is wondering why we made y’all come here so quick. No, we didn’t lose the baby. She is still healthy and perfect. I am the one that isn’t.”

Cobie’s mom walked on her knees so she was sitting directly in front of us. “What are you saying, sweetie?”

I squeezed her hand letting her know I was there. I would always be there.

“I had to have routine blood drawn two weeks ago. After they got the results they sent me to a specialist…”

Larkin cut in, “A specialist? For what? Cobie, cut the shit and just tell us what the fuck is going on.”

She pinched her eyes shut and spoke softly, “I have cancer.”

I barely heard her but the room fell silent. Everyone had heard.

Jenna gasped, smashing her hand over her mouth. “Cancer?”

My mom burst into tears.

Cobie’s Gramps asked, “What are they going to do.”

She couldn’t speak. I spoke for her, “Nothing. Cobie and I made the decision against treatment. Treatment meant losing Londyn and that was not an option for us.” I brushed a tear away. “We are going to cherish these next few months and enjoying being a family.”

Carrie wrapped her arms around Cobie’s legs. “Few months?”

Cobie took a few deep breaths and between cries said, “Yes, mom. I have Osteosarcoma. It is a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. I have a year at most but Dr. Emmons said with my pregnancy the cancer would most likely progress faster than normal.”

“How long Cobie?” Larkin asked, his voice weak.

“Dr. Emmons thinks maybe a few months after Londyn is born.”

Larkin wrapped Jenna in his arms as they both cried. Jenna looked up, her eyes meeting mine. For the first time it didn’t hurt to look at her. What hurt was knowing the girl I had my arms wrapped around wouldn’t be here this time next year. I thought my heart was broken when Jenna left. No. That pain was nothing compared to what I’ve been feeling these past few weeks.

Carrie covered her face. “No. I don’t believe it. You’re too damn young. I already lost your father. I can’t lose you too. There has to be something.”

Cobie ran her hand over her mom’s shaking head. “Mom, stop. I don’t want to spend these next few months angry. I have every right to be pissed at the world and turn my back on God. But, then I look at all of you and I feel Londyn moving around and I can’t be upset. I’m surrounded by those I love and I’m going to be a mom. That is something I always wanted and I get it. I’m scared. We all are. That won’t change anything. What’s going to happen will happen weather we are sad, mad, or glad. The fact is- Cobie’s voice shook- I’m going to die, soon. I want the months I do have to be good, happy memories. I don’t want cancer defining my life.”

My dad had been quiet the whole time, slowly rubbing my mom’s back. His deep voice startled me when he said, “Okay then. That is what we will do.” My dad looked at everyone is this room before he went on, “This isn’t about us. And, we would be selfish assholes if we didn’t respect what you’re asking. We all love you and Gage and support whatever decisions you two make.”

Smiling my thank you to my dad I added, “We both understand what we just threw at you. We are still trying to cope with it. We don’t want cancer to be our focus. We want life and Londyn to be are focus.

Cancer.

That one single word destroyed my family, my life. I hated it. It wasn’t fair. No one should have to go through this. Especially a young, healthy, beautiful women who was about to have my baby. I wanted everyone to believe that I was accepting reality. But, truth was, my anger was only growing.

The night was spent discussing what Dr. Emmons had told us and what our plans were.

We were all hurt. We were all pissed. We were all angry. We were all confused.

Fuck Cancer.

10

Cobie

I needed to get away, I needed to think. There was so much going on and it was only going to get worse. After everyone left all my emotions came to the surface. I needed some air. Somehow Gage and I would have to figure this out.

“Cobie, wait up!” I heard Gage yelling.

Stopping I kicked a few rocks with my boots, waiting for him to catch up.

Once he was close he started walking and dug his hand into his jeans pocket. Pulling out a small velvet box. He handed it to me but never said a word.

Taking the box from Gage I slowly opened it and was surprised to find a gorgeous ring inside. Snapping it shut I handed it back to him, shaking my head profusely. “Gage, what the hell are you thinking? We aren’t even dating!”

Gage smiled. “Cobie, relax! I know we are not together, we are friends. This is a promise ring. Not like the usual promise of one day I’ll marry you but a promise that I will always be here.”

Gage opened the box again and slid the ring out. It was a simple platinum band covered in pave setting diamonds with a round garnet that was surrounded by diamonds. “Co, I promise that no matter what we are in this together. I promise to you and our daughter to be the father she deserves. I promise that whatever happens our daughter will come first. Cobie, we may not be in love but we will share a love that no one else ever will. We have the love of our baby and I promise to love you both until they put my old cranky ass in the ground. I promise- Gage’s voice broke- that when you’re gone I will share silly stories with our baby. She will know how beautiful her mom was and what an amazing person he mom was. I promise to never let her go a day without telling her how much you love her.”

Gage lifted my left hand and slipped the ring onto my ring finger. Holding both his hands I said, “Gage, thank you. I don’t know how I would have done this or gone through this without you. You had every chance to run but you stayed. Very easily you can have said screw it and walked away. Knowing I will be leaving our daughter with you makes this journey a little easier. I will always be with you helping you raise her.” Looking at my ring, shining bright in the setting sun I asked, “Why did you get a red stone?”

Gage smiled and said, “It’s a garnet, Londyn’s birthstone.”

Staring at my new ring I couldn’t help the smile that crept across my face. Lifting my left hand I cupped Gage’s face. “You can be such an egotistical ass to the outside world but the real Gage Tucker is one of the sweetest guys I know. Thank you for this, for everything. One things for sure though,”

Tilting his head and letting that shit eating grin take over his face Gage played dumb. “What’s that?”

Running my thumb across his lips I said, “The sex is amazing.”

Gage winked when he said, “Yeah that is very true. But you sure are loud.”

Pouting playfully I said, “I’ve never heard you complain.”

Leaning his head back Gage laughed. “No, no I haven’t.”

Gage lifted me up and put his arm under my legs. Walking back in the direction of our house he said, “Maybe we should start practicing on you being quiet now. I’ve heard practice makes perfect.”

Tilting my head back to see Gage’s eyes I could see how dark and intense they were. They always got that dark stormy sea blue when he was turned on.

Joking I said, “I’ll see what I can do, but I’m not making any promises.”

Nothing else was said until we were in the house. Gage laid me on the couch then slowly lowered himself over me. I grabbed his strong arms and felt them flexing the lower he got, holding himself up. Hearing the deep growl that came from Gage had me squirming, trying to ease the ache between my legs. Reaching between us I felt Gage’s hardness pressed against his jeans. I quickly unbuttoned his jeans and slid my hand inside. Once my hand was wrapped around his erection Gage rested his forehead on mine. “Fuck, Co! Lay down. Now!”

Removing my hand, I did what Gage said. He softly kissed up my leg and up my swollen belly. Stopping just at my belly button and whispering, “Daddy loves you.” He looked through his lashed at me before continuing back down my other leg.

Gage’s hand found its way back up my leg and under my dress. He lightly rubbed over my panties causing me to groan. I had a love/hate relationship with these little games he liked to play. Turning me on then making me wait or teasing me to the point of screaming.

“Is this what you want?” Gage asked in his deep, raspy voice.

Looking up I saw Gage standing. He had his had wrapped around his large dick, rubbing up and down.

Licking my lips I nodded. “Uhh huh.”

Lowering himself, Gage positioned his erection at my entrance. “Look at me Cobie.” Moving my eyes so I was looking to him he slowly slid into me. “I love you, Co.”

Grabbing his shoulders I breathed out, “I love you, Gage.”

This was the first time Gage and I had had sex since I was told I had cancer. He seemed gentle. He took his time. It was like he was trying to memorize this moment.

“Gage, I promise I won’t break.”

Smiling down at me he picked up his pace. “This how you want it?” Arching off the couch I moaned. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Gage bit down on my earlobe.

Slamming into me harder, I heard the couch screech across the wood floor. There was the sweet, gentle, and loving Gage…then there was this Gage. The dominant, womanizing, and rough Gage. I liked the latter better.

“I want you to cum. I want you to orgasm so hard you’re screaming my name and your sweet juices are running down,” Gage gritted out between clinched teeth.

I was done for. Tossing my head back I yelled out, “Fuck, Gage. Oh God.”

“That’s it baby. Just like that.” Gage gripped the arm of the couch as I felt his dick pulsing. He shut his eyes and jerked. “Shit, Co. Fuck. You’re so damn tight.”

Gage slid out of me and scooted me so there was room for him to lay behind me. “I love how you look after you have an orgasm. Your cheeks get pink and your eyes are so bright.”

“Hmm.” I mumbled. All the stress was taking a toll on me. I was exhausted.

“Take a nap. I have a few things I need to do today.” Gage shimmied his way off the couch and kissed me cheek as he stood.

I was already half asleep by the time Gage whispered, “I love you. Be back in a little bit”

Gage

When Cobie and I found out we were having a girl she immediately started planning her nursery. She wanted her room to look like an open field full of wild flowers. The furniture she picked out looked like old barn wood. She wanted to go as far as painting clouds on the ceiling.

“Good afternoon, sir. Is there anything I can help you with?” A tall blonde asked from behind her desk.

“Actually, yes. I have an appointment to talk to somebody about designing a nursery for my daughter.”

The blonde smiled and said, “Of course. Take a seat and I will let our design team know you’re here.”

“Okay, thank you.”

A few minutes later a lady in her early forties came walking down the hall. “Mr. Tucker?”

Standing, I accepted her hand. “Yes. Please call me Gage.”

“Of course, my name is Wanda. Let’s go to my office and we can talk.”

I followed her down the sleek hallway that was lined with picture after picture of different rooms from different homes.

“Have a seat, Gage. I took a quick glance at your request. But, I would like to get more detail and go over a budget.”

Wanda took a seat in her large leather chair and pulled a folder in front of her. “To get a starting point so we know what we can and cannot do let’s go over budget.”

“There isn’t one.” I didn’t bat an eye at my comment, but clearly Wanda was having a hard time breathing.

“Oh. Well that makes my job a whole lot easier.”

I wasn’t an idiot I knew she got paid commission and I was ready to give her a hefty pay check.

“Since we clearly don’t have to worry about cost would you please give me a little more detail as to what you were wanting?” Wanda grabbed her pen, ready to take notes.

“I’m sure you saw this is a nursery for my daughter. Her mom wanted her room to look like an open field. She wanted the tall grass and golden weeds painted on the wall along with wildflowers. Realistic. Nothing whimsical.” I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened up the pictures. I had stopped on my way here and taken a picture of the open field behind Cobie’s mom’s house. Holding my phone out I showed Wanda who smiled. “She wants something just like this. She already has the furniture picked out. It looks like old barn wood. I could email you think link. Also, there needs to be clouds on the ceiling.”

As she wrote she paused to look up. “What about flooring?”

“It’s stays how it is. It’s a dark hardwood and my girl loves it.”

Did I just refer to Cobie as my girl?

“Can you email me that picture you have and the link for the furniture. I will draw something up today. I can email it to you either tonight or tomorrow. My team should be able to start this coming week and it should take only take three or four days to get this done since it will be mainly painting with décor. If that fits your schedule.”

I emailed her the picture before standing and holding my hand out to her. “Sound great. Thank you so much.”

I got the email that night with the picture she had drawn up. Cobie was going to love it. Now I had to figure out how to keep this from her.

Racking my brain I finally thought of something. Shutting the basement door so Cobie couldn’t hear me, I called her mom.

“Gage? Is everything okay?”

Yes. But, I have a favor I need from you.”

“God, you scared me. What do you need, honey?”

“Well, I have a surprise for Cobie but I need her out of the house for a few days. I was thinking of telling her I had to fly to New York for a few days but I wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone so I think she should stay with you while I was gone. But, you cannot let her come over here.”

“Um can I ask what in God’s name are you doing that she has to leave the house for a few days?”

“Surprising her with the nursery she has talked nonstop about since we found out Londyn was a girl.”

“The wild flowers and field?”

“Yes, so will you help me?”

“Of course, sweetie. Just let me know when to expect her.”

“The plan is to start the beginning of next week.”

“Okay. And, Gage, thank you.”

“Thank you? For what?”

“Proving Cobie wrong. When this all started she was terrified you would walk away or worse think she was some money chasing whore. I can see how much you both care for each other. I know this isn’t what y’all planned and life never is, but the way you two have grown together has a lot to say about the both of you.”

“I would never walk away from my child, regardless of how they were conceived. No, things for Cobie and I didn’t start out like normal but I wouldn’t take it back. And, I could never think that way about her. For one, I have respect for her and even only being around her a few times I knew she wasn’t like that. And two, Larkin would kill me.”

“Well, I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of my baby. I will see you soon.”

“No thanks needed.”

After getting off the phone with Carrie I made my way back upstairs where I found Cobie sitting at the kitchen bar. I told her that I had to fly back to New York and wanted her to stay with her mom for those few days. She looked a little sad but didn’t argue.

To be on the safe side I had Cobie at her mom’s house Sunday night in case Wanda and her team were early on Monday.

It took almost four days but the end product was worth it. Londyn’s nursery looked amazing. I couldn’t thank Wanda enough. As soon as her team was packed and out the door I called Cobie.

I didn’t wait for her to say anything, as soon as she answered I said, “Hey, sweetheart. I’m home. Why don’t you have your mom bring you over to have dinner with us?”

I heard her laugh. “Ok. How was your trip?”

Trying to hide my excitement I said, “It was nice. Now get your ass home, I missed my girls.”

“Calm down. We will be there in a few.”

When we hung up, I hurried and took the rest of the food to the nursery. I wanted to surprise Cobie by having a picnic on the rug in front of Londyn’s crib that was designed to look like a picnic blanket.

“Gage? Where are you?” I heard Cobie yelling from downstairs.

“Upstairs. Come here really quick, I have a question.”

I heard Cobie huff as she walked up the stairs.

“You made me hurry home so you could ask me a question?

Cobie

He was unbelievable. I had to hurry here just to come upstairs for some dumbass question.

My mom was walking down the hall beside me, a goofy smile on her face. Then I saw it. Gage was sitting on a picnic blanket, shirtless with a cowboy hat. But what was more amazing than that was he was sitting in Londyn’s nursery. It looked like he was sitting in the field behind my mom’s house.

Stopping in my tracks I covered my mouth with my hand and gasped, “Oh my God!”

The room was beautiful. The walls were an antique white on the top but the bottom was covered with golden wheat, field grass, and wild flowers. The crib I had picked out was in the corner. It had lace skirting the bottom. Opposite the crib was the rocking chair my mom had used for Larkin and I. How had I not seen that missing? The dresser was across from the large window over-looking the back yard. Sitting on the dresser was an antique looking lamp with a light pink lamp shade. There was a few classic books stacked next to the lamp and on the other end there was a stuffed pony. The changing table was what I was gripping onto so I didn’t fall over. Looking up I saw soft clouds on the ceiling and a crystal chandelier hanging in the center of the room with strands of pearls draped around it.

“How? I thought you had to go to New York?” I asked, shocked.

Gage smiled and slowly shook his head. “I didn’t. I just needed to get you out of the house so I could get the people in here to do this.”

Turning my head to look at my mom I accused more than asked, “You were in on this?”

She just smiled, letting her eyes twinkle.

Gage patted beside him, “Want to have a picnic?”

Instead of sitting beside him I sat on his lap. “Thank you so much. I love it.”

“Anything for you and Londyn, you know that.”

My mom blinked back her tears. “I’m going to go home and let you two have some time together.”

Gage said, “Thanks for the help.”

“Anytime, honey. Love you guys.” My mom blew a kiss on her way out.

“Love you too, mom.”

“So you really love it?” Gage asked a little nervous.

“More than you could ever know.”

Gage pulled me close to his chest and kissed me. “I want you happy, Cobie. I would do anything.”

“I’m beginning to realize that.”

And, I was. Gage was different from the guy I had sex with that night in his office. This Gage cared. This Gage wasn’t empty. This Gage looked happy.

My phone started vibrating and Gage jerked away. “Sorry, scared me. I wasn’t expecting that.”

Pulling my phone from my pocked I saw a text from Larkin.

Larkin: Jenna’s in labor. I’ll keep u updated. Luv u sis

Me: Sending lots of love and hugs.

I showed Gage my phone and said, “The twins are on their way. I hope Jenna and Larkin finally decided on names.”

“Knowing Jenna, it should be more like ‘you hope Jenna decided on their names.’”

Laughing, I said, “You’re probably right.”

A few minutes later I got another text from Larkin.

Larkin: C section. I will be a father of 3 in less than an hour.

Me: Good luck. Saying a prayer for mommy and babies.

Larkin: holy shit. 3 kids. I’m leaving the hospital with 2 babies. I think I need a shot

Me: Relax big brother. If you can handle wild child Evalyn Grace, these two will be a piece of cake. Love you. Send lots of pics.

On September twenty sixth at eleven thirteen in the morning my nephew, Nash Kevin was born weighing five pounds. Three minutes later my second nephew, Knox Henry was born weighing five pound nine ounces. And, according to Larkin, they looked identical.

11

Gage

“Gage!” I heard Cobie yelling my name from upstairs. She had been in a bad mood all day. I took it upon myself to disappear. I had come downstairs to work out, and well, mainly to avoid being Cobie’s punching bag.

“Cobie!” I yelled back, trying to be funny.

She had been losing strength the past month and I wanted to keep her as happy as possible. We only had nine days left before Londyn was supposed to make her appearance, until then, keeping Cobie happy and healthy was my main concern.

I knew she was dying. I wasn’t ready to face it so instead I focused on her wellbeing and our babygirl. I didn’t want to think about the future or how Cobie wouldn’t get to watch our daughter grow up. Life wasn’t fair.

“No, Gage. I need you. I think it might me time.”

She had been saying that for weeks now. She was just done being pregnant and ready to meet our daughter. The first few times I listened to her and took her to the hospital only to be sent home a few hours later and we were told she was having Braxton Hicks contractions. They were just ‘fake’ contractions to get her body ready for the real thing.

Rolling my eyes I yelled, “And why do you think that?”

Cobie waddled to the edge of the stairs, gripping her stomach. Her face was red and her eyes were filled with anger.

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fluid that just covered your office floor, or the constant flow running down my leg. Or maybe it’s the killer contractions I have been having every three to four minutes for a few hours now. Maybe that’s why I think it’s time. How about you get off your ass, get our shit and drive me to the hospital.”

Oh shit. This was real. And I was not about to argue with a very pregnant lady who was in pain and pissed off.

On the ride to the hospital Cobie called her mom who said she would meet us at the hospital. Larkin and Jenna were next. They told her to keep her legs shut until they were at the hospital with their three kids, who were excited to meet their new cousin. How three month old little boys were excited to meet another baby was beyond me but it made her happy so I went with it. Next, she called my parents who were booking a flight while still on the phone. They informed Cobie she was not allowed to have their first grandbaby without them being there.

Arriving at the hospital, Cobie was immediately taken to a private room. Last time we were in the hospital there had been a small incident with the paparazzi and a few fans. I had made arrangements that day to have personal security for our room. I wanted this to be special. I wanted memories that I could cherish forever.

“Ugh! This hurts. This hurts so bad. Can I have an epidural now?” Cobie practically begged the nurse.

Her nurse was older and gave Cobie a sympathetic smile. “I need to check you first sweetie. You need to be at least three centimeters to get the epidural.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed her nurse pushed her blanket back and shoved her legs wide. Scooting so I was no longer in firing range I ran my hand across Cobie’s forehead. “I’m so sorry I did this.” I truly was. She looked like she could kill me but kept her mouth shut.

“Good news. You are right at three centimeters so I will go ahead and order your epidural, should be here within thirty minutes. Three centimeters down, seven to go.”

The nurse pulled the blanket back down and stood, pulling the glove off her hand before walking out of the room.

Cobie flopped her head back. “I’m only three centimeters? I have to get to ten. This will never happen.”

“On the bright side, hopefully my parents, Larkin, and Jenna have time to make it here.” That earned me a fierce glare and a few loud huffs.

Once she was given her epidural she was able to sleep for a few hours. While she was sleeping her mom and my parents had arrived. I filled them in and we all sat watching Cobie, as if she was going to disappear or the baby was going to crawl out of her belly button.

Cobie abruptly sat up her eyes wide. “Um Gage? I think I need to go to the bathroom. Will you get the nurse?”

Scrunching my face I said, “They put a catheter in when you got your epidural, its fine. Just pee.”

Her eyes got even wider as she shook her head slowly. “I don’t mean pee, Gage,” she gritted out.

Both my mom and hers stood at the same time. My mom looked at me, “I think she needs to be checked again. That may be baby Londyn causing the pressure she is feeling.”

Hitting the nurse call button I asked for Cobie to be checked again.

“Well sweetie, ready or not your baby is on the way. I will start setting everything up and page your doctor.” Cobie’s nurse typed into her computer before grabbing things out of cabinets and pulling shit up to the bed.

I took that brief moment to check my phone. I was hoping Larkin or Jenna had text me letting me know they were close.

Just as the nurse was attaching some strange looking bars with pedals to Cobie’s bed her doctor came through the door. “So I hear early morning is the best time to have a baby.”

This was it. This was the moment we had waited months for. We were about to become parents. Shit was about to get real.

My dad gracefully excused himself when the nurse started pulling the blanket off her and putting her legs in the strange bars.

“Hmm. Now I see.” I said out loud, not thinking.

All eyes shifted to me as the nurse gave a small laugh and said, “I’m guessing you’re talking about the stirrups? They help hold her legs in place while she pushes.”

Giving her a thankful smile I nodded.

“Ok, now Cobie we are going to wait for the next contraction. When I say push I want you to put your chin on your chest and push like you haven’t poo’d for days. I will count to ten then you can take a breath.” Cobie’s doctor took a seat at the foot of her bed and watched the monitor. “Everything looks good, you have a contraction building. Get ready and push. One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…push hard…nine…and ten. Deep breath, we’re going again. Push…two…three…”

“Wait! No baby until Aunt Jenna is here!” Jenna came busting through the door, Larkin close behind.

Cobie smiled but kept pushing as her doctor counted. “…and ten. Ok let’s take a break.”

Larkin stopped just inside the door, but Jenna came right up beside me, kissing Cobie’s cheek. “Told you I wouldn’t miss this.”

Cobie let out a sigh of relief. “I tried holding out but I swear it felt like I was going to shit my pants.”

Holding her hand I watched as another contraction started building and her doctor instructed her to push.

At four twelve in the morning on January third, the most beautiful little girl was born. Londyn Hope Tucker came into the world, lungs in full swing. She weighed six pounds nine ounces and was twenty inches long.

Absolute perfection- just like her mom.

The nurse wrapped Londyn in multiple pink and white striped blankets. Once she was bundled up the nurse picked her up. Looking at me and asked, “Daddy, would you like to hold your daughter?”

Reaching out the nurse sat my daughter in my arms. Snuggling her close I felt my tears burning in my eyes. This was my forever. This was my happiness. In that moment I knew what unconditional love felt like. Looking down at my small beautiful little girl I saw all the promise in the world. She made everything ok. Holding her in my arms I found peace.

Londyn blinked her eyes a few times before they finally locked with mine. She had Cobie’s dark brown, expressive eyes. Staring into her eyes, I realized everything I had been through in life was to bring me to the point I was at now. If Jenna wouldn’t have left me Cobie and I never would have happened. Londyn never would have been born. She was my purpose in life. For her I would do anything. Placing a tiny kiss on her nose I whispered, “Hi Londyn Hope, I’m your daddy.” She wiggled around, getting a hand free. She stuck her little fist in the air, as if she was searching for mine. Holding my large fist up I lightly bumped hers. She opened her small hand and wrapped her five itty bitty little fingers around my pinky. She already had me wrapped. Softly kissing her hand I said, “Daddy loves you more than the moon and the stars. You’re safe babygirl.”

Larkin was at my side. He sat his hand on Londyn’s tiny body. “She’s perfect man.”

Looking up I couldn’t help but smile. “Just like her mom.”

“Would you like to meet our daughter?” I asked Cobie. The doctor was finally done cleaning her up and was saying his congratulations.

Cobie looked tired but her smile never faltered. “More than anything.”

Gently, I placed Londyn in Cobie’s arms and took a step back. Cobie looked complete. Seeing her holding hold our daughter made me love her more. It made me realize I wanted us to be a real family. I love Co. I don’t want her to ever doubt that and I don’t want her to think when things get tough I’m going to run.

I needed to talk to Larkin. I wasn’t asking for his approval but I wanted him to know what I was planning. I already knew what sorta wedding Cobie would want. We had talked about that one night, what kinda wedding she would have had if given the chance. I wanted to give her that chance.

Cobie would already leave this earth without living her dream of becoming a doctor. I wasn’t going to let her leave without having her dream wedding.

Taking a seat in the rocking chair by the window I rested my head on my fist. I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep but I wanted to watch Cobie with our daughter.

“She’s beautiful, Gage. I can’t believe you’re a dad.” Jenna scooted her chair up to mine. Not looking at me but at Cobie and Londyn she said, “I’m proud of you. We’re growing up. We have families. I know this isn’t how you pictured our futures but we are both happy. Right?” When she asked she turned to look at me.

Studying Jenna I took a minute to think.

I am happy. I mean, I have a healthy, beautiful little girl. I love her mother and she loves me. Maybe I would be losing her soon but I would always have Londyn. She was my happiness. So then why do I still have an empty feeling?

Looking from Jenna to my daughter I smiled. “I’m as happy as I’m ever going to be. She makes me happy. She makes this ride a little easier. I don’t know how I’m going to do it once Co is gone but I will manage. It’s what I do. It’s what I have to do.”

Jenna placed one arm around my shoulders. “You’re a strong man and you have all the support in the world. You will…we will get through this. But right now, we won’t think about the future. We will focus on now. Focus on your new beautiful and healthy little girl who is the center of your world.” I forced myself to look away from my daughter and to look at Jenna. “The look on your face when you look at Londyn is a look of complete and total love, wonder, and awe.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. Londyn is the center of my world. And now, so is Cobie.

Cobie

I was a mommy. I was holding my daughter. This was real. She was real. I was surrounded by family and friends and welcomed my baby into this world. I did it. Now I had to make every day the best as I could.

“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” My mom ran her hand through my hair. “I can’t believe how much she looks just like you.”

Looking over my daughter I saw so much of both Gage and I. “She is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.” Laying my head back I rolled it on my shoulders to look at my mom and asked, “How do I do this? How do I pretend everything is normal? It’s not. I’m going to…to die. I feel so damn guilty leaving all this on Gage. This isn’t his fault mom. He doesn’t deserve to be put through this.”

Smiling sweetly to hide her pain and tears, my mom glanced back at Gage who was talking softly to Jenna before she said, “Sweetie, he’s tough. He loves you. You have a new baby, a bond that can’t be broken. Gage is going to love you and that little girl always. Even if you’re here,” my mom’s voice softened as she said, “Or when you’re gone.”

There was a knock on the door before my nurse poked her head in. “I wanted to check your pain and make sure everything was ok.”

Looking at my sleeping newborn I replied, “We’re perfect.”

“Ok, well if you need me just use the call button. If not I will be back in an hour or so to check in.”

“Thank you,” I said as she shut the door.

Larkin bent over and kissed the top of my head. “Not how I expected to see my baby sister but shit she’s cute. If you’re up to it the waiting room has been taken over by the Tucker and Nayler posse who all are waiting to meet Miss Princess.”

Looking around the room everyone looked tired but I didn’t want to turn people away from meeting my pride and joy. “Of course not. Tell them Londyn is happy to meet everybody.”

Larkin left to gather everyone from the waiting room. Gage was still off to the side talking to Jenna, who had a huge smile on her face. If I didn’t know any better I would think they were a gorgeous couple. Jenna was looking at Gage and listening closely to what he was saying.

“Knock knock baby mama,” Sadie said as she came through the door. “Let me see that baby.”

“Shit, hide the baby. This crazy lady doesn’t need anymore.” Jinx joked as he walked in behind Sadie.

Sadie stuck her tongue out at Jinx as she came up beside my bed. “Little late for that,” Sadie said nonchalantly.

“Huh?” Jenna and I asked at the same time.

Tyler laughed. “Yep, baby Hampton number four is on its way due in September.”

“Damn you two. Do you ever not have sex?” Jinx asked, faking disgust.

“So how many kids do y’all need before you get married?” Larkin asked.

Sadie shrugged. “I don’t want to be fat when we get married. We kept saying after each baby that we would get married but super sperm over here keeps knocking me up. I put my foot down this time. After I threw that damn stick with the two pink lines in his face I told him no more. Four kids was enough. Hell Frannie isn’t even three yet. We will have four kids under four. It’s time he wraps before he taps.”

The entire room busted into laughter. It must have startled Londyn because she started squirming and whimpering.

“Shh. It’s ok baby. Mommy’s got you. Are you getting hungry?” I cooed at my daughter.

Gage jumped from the rocking chair and was at my side. “Is she ok? Do I need to get the nurse?”

Laughing lightly I said, “Everything is ok. I think she’s just hungry. I’m going to try to feed her and maybe we can attempt sleep?”

“Well, I can’t help with the feeding. God didn’t give me boobies. Do you want me to ask everyone to leave? I can tell them they are welcome to come back this afternoon.”

“I think that sounds good. I just don’t want to upset anyone.”

“Co, they will understand. Don’t worry. Just feed our baby and I will take care of everything else.”

After everyone left Gage pulled the rocking chair up to the side of my bed. He sat there watching Londyn and I as she ate. I could tell something was bothering him and he was too afraid to say anything.

“Just say it.” I blurted out.

Gage’s eyes widened slightly. He scrubbed his face with both hands and let out the breath he had been holding. “I don’t want to talk about the future but at some point we are going to have to.”

Sighing I said, “I know. I was looking forward to this day but deep down I was dreading it. I knew once she was here it would be the beginning of the end. Neither of us want to or are prepared to deal with this but this is our life. We have to, not for us but for Londyn.”

Gage bounced his eyes from Londyn to me. “This isn’t fair. I thought I was ok with what our future held but now that it’s happening I’m realizing I’m not. I want Londyn to have her mom and I want you to be by my side helping me raise our daughter. I love you, Cobie. I want us to be a family. I want to give you your dream wedding. I don’t have a ring,” he paused and got down on one knee. My tears stinging my eyes. “But, this is me asking you to marry me.”

“I won’t let you do that. You have sacrificed so much already. When you get married Gage, I want it to be to the girl who stole your heart and be the girl you are so in love with all you see is her. She is out there, waiting. She will accept your past and see all the amazing qualities you have.” I spoke through my tears, forcing myself to agree with what I just said.

“Cobie, you stole my heart. The moment you told me you were having my baby I was yours. I would do anything to make all your dreams come true. You accepted who I was and you opened your heart and life to me. You could have lied or hid from the fact that I am Londyn’s daddy but you trusted me despite the way I acted. I want to marry you Cobie.” Gage raised himself back into the chair. His voice was soft, his eye pleading.

I blinked back my tears and moved my eyes from Gage’s handsome face to our daughters beautiful face. Looking at her for a long time I didn’t say anything.

“Ok.” I said simply. Then trying to get the mood shifted to something lighter I joked, “You’re the one telling Larkin.”

Gage hopped from the rocking chair and kissed my temple. “Deal.”

12

Gage

“Larkin, where you at?”

I walked into his moms house. Cobie was home and resting with Londyn. Now was my chance to talk to Larkin and hopefully he wouldn’t knock my head off.

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at your house helping my sister?” Larkin came walking down the hallway, hands on his hips.

“They’re sleeping. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Let’s go downstairs. Jenna just got the twins asleep. She would kills us both if we wake them up.”

I followed Larkin down to the finished basement and sat on the couch. He sat across from me in the chair.

“Ok, so what is going on?”

I looked Larkin in the eyes and I said, “Cobie and I have decided to get married.”

I watched as Larkin turned to stone. “Why? Why would you want to do that?”

“I love her.”

“You love her?”

I nodded. “I do. I want her to have her dream wedding. She has told me every detail she has had planned since she was little. I can give her that. We would be a true family.”

“You’re marrying my baby sister to make her dream come true?”

“No, Larkin. I’m marrying her because I love her. Her dream coming true is just an added bonus.”

I could see the wheels in his head turning. “I never pictured you marrying my baby sister but if it makes her happy, then I’m happy. I approve.”

“I wasn’t looking for approval, Larkin but thank you. She never dreamed of having some huge wedding, just close friends and family so I was hoping we could have the wedding in a few weeks. I’m going to need your help.”

Larkin smiled. “Anything for my sister.”

On February fourteenth, I married the woman I loved, the mother of my child, the girl that had became my best friend.

Cobie wore her mothers wedding dress like she has always dreamed. I had never seen her look more beautiful. She didn’t want a bouquet, she instead carried our daughter in her arms down the aisle. Larkin gave her away, smiling the entire time.

We laughed. We cried. We danced.

She smashed cake is face and you better believe I smashed cake in hers. Larkin wanted his sisters wedding to be special. He wanted to dance with Cobie in place of their dad. He picked the song, There You’ll Be by Faith Hill, and surprised a tearful Cobie. Our song held so much meaning. It was the song that was playing the day we found out Londyn was a girl, the day we found out Cobie had cancer and the song that was playing when we brought Londyn home from the hospital, as a family. Cowboys and Angels. She was my Angel.

I was happy. For one day, I didn’t worry about how much time we had left together. I didn’t let cancer invade my thoughts. With just family and close friends around us everything felt intimate. It felt special. It felt right.

Cobie

Holding Londyn in my arms I couldn’t help the thoughts that were clouding my head. I was getting tired. A week after I became Mrs. Tucker things changed. I woke up one morning and couldn’t move my legs. Gage took me to the hospital and after numerous scans and tests we were told the cancer had taken my ability to walk. I was in a wheel chair. I knew my time was with my family was ending. I’m not stupid. I could feel it.

It was late and Gage was asleep on the couch. Londyn had just finished taking her bottle and was fading into sleep. I rocked her in my arms a few minutes before laying her in her bassinet.

I wanted Londyn to know how much I loved her and that I would always be with her. Gage had promised me that he would always tell her but I wanted her to have something from me that she could confirm for herself. Rolling down the hall to Gage’s office I shut the door and flipped the light on.

Grabbing a notebook from the bookshelf I started writing. I wrote letter after letter, stacking them up in a pile beside me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to write but once the pen hit the paper it just flowed. I wrote a letter for everything I could think of. The first letter I wrote was just me telling her how my I loved her. There was one for every birthday until she was eighteen, one for each of her first days of school, one for her first crush, one for her first boyfriend, one for her first kiss, one for her senior prom, one for graduation, one for her first day of college, one for her wedding, and one for the birth of her first child.

As I was putting the letters into envelopes I heard Londyn starting to cry. Setting everything down, I wheeled myself back to the living room. Gage was standing in front of the picture window patting her little back and hushing her.

“Shh babygirl. Let mommy sleep. Daddy’s here.”

This is what I would miss. This is what hurts the most. I wouldn’t be here to comfort my daughter or wipe away her tears. I felt guilty leaving all this on Gage. He didn’t sign up for this. He had experienced so much hurt already and here I was, causing more.

Gage turned around just as I swiped my tears away. He kissed Londyn’s head then said, “Look baby, mommy is here. Maybe you two could lay down together. Daddy has a few things he needs to get done.”

“Gage it is four in morning. What could you possibly need to do right now?”

“There is a few emails I have been pushing back but I really need to answer them. Besides, someone let me nap and now I am wide awake.”

Bowing my head I said, “Sorry. You just looked so comfortable. I couldn’t wake you.”

“Well now I’m sending you and our daughter to bed so I can get a little work done and maybe workout for an hour or so. Come on, let’s get you two tucked in.”

Gage left his spot by the window and handed me Londyn. She was already back asleep. Once Gage got Londyn and me in our bed he turned the T.V. on and kissed me.

“I love you Cobie, so much.”

“I love you, too.”

“Sleep good baby. I will come check on things in a little bit.”

Gage kissed me one last time then walked out the door, closing it halfway. I snuggled Londyn into my side. I covered her head in kisses before shutting my eyes. I whispered, “I love you,” to Londyn before finding sleep.

Gage

What was this? I picked up the stack of sealed envelopes and thumbed through them. Letters. They were letters to Londyn from Cobie. There was one for everything. Sitting down I contemplated opening and reading them. But, that felt like some sort of evasion on privacy. Setting the stack back on my desk I saw there was one letter that hadn’t found its way into an envelope. I couldn’t help myself. I picked it up and read it.

Londyn Hope,

Hi. It’s your mommy. Right now you are fast asleep in your bassinet. I don’t know how many more nights I will get to watch you sleep. You look so beautiful and peaceful. You have no worries or fears. Everything for you is perfect. You don’t know about this scary world.

I want you to know how much I love you. Mommy never dreamed in a million years that you would be as perfect as you are. You have changed so much in my life and opened my eyes to a whole new world. I thought I had my life all planned out until I found out I was going to be a mommy. What I thought were my dreams didn’t even come close to becoming a mother. Marrying your daddy and becoming a family, that is my one dream come true. You are my dream come true.

There won’t be a day that goes by that I won’t be by your side. When things get hard, I will always be there to listen.  The rustle in the leaves, the sun kissing your cheeks, the stars shining at night…that will be me watching over you. Even if I can’t be here I will always protect you. You are my everything, Londyn. When given the choice, I would choose you over and over, every time.  Choosing you was the easiest choice I ever made. I knew I wanted to be your mommy more than anything.

I know how it feels to grow up with just one parent. It hurts. But, you got lucky just like mommy. Your daddy is the best. Just watching him with you and the way he looks at you. You are the center of his universe. I hope one day he finds someone who fills the void and makes him happy. Someone who loves you as much as I do. You and your daddy deserve happiness and love. And, I know that somewhere out there the perfect woman is waiting.

You, my beautiful babygirl are the closest I will ever come to magic. My greatest wish for you is that you always know how much I love you. And, for the rest of your life you know how great my love for you was. I never knew what love was until I was holding you in my arms. Until I was counting your little fingers and tiny toes. All it took was your small, sweet hand grasping onto mine for you to totally consume me.

All my dreams came true the first time I heard your heartbeat. I didn’t look at everything I was walking away from, instead I looked at everything I was gaining. The minute they placed you in my arms, you slipped right into my heart.

I want you to grow up loving Disney. Disney taught me everything I want you to know.

1.        Hakuna Matata, it means no worries.

2.        Nothing’s impossible.

3.        Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.

4.       Dreams can come true.

5.        Remember, always let your conscience be your guide.

I love you babygirl. Never give up faith and dream bigger than the sky.

All my love xoxo

Mommy

I was standing there staring at the piece of paper in my hands, no clue what to do. Cobie was sick, I’ve known that for months. But, reading the letters she wrote to Londyn ripped my heart apart. Cobie knew she didn’t have much longer.

Three days later Cobie wasn’t acting like herself. She would stare off into space and when she would talk she wouldn’t make sense. I had had enough. I decided to call her mom and take her to the hospital.

Carrie answered in the second ring. “Hey, sweetie.”

“Carrie, something is wrong. Cobie isn’t acting like herself. I’m taking her to the hospital. Can you watch Londyn?”

Carrie choked back her tears and said, “I’m going with you. I will have Cobie’s aunt watch Londyn. I’ll call Kelli on my drive over. She should get to your house a few minutes after me.”

“Ok. I’m going to throw some things in a bag for Cobie and me so we are ready when you get here.”

“Gage, calm down. I’m sure it’s just all the pain medication they have her on. Dr. Emmons said this could happen.”

Shutting my eyes I rubbed my thumbs hard against them. “I know, Carrie. I’m just scared. I thought I was prepared for all of this to start happening but now that it is, I’m not ready.”

Carrie was silent, I heard her car radio through the speaker. “Honey, at least we had a warning with Co. I had nothing with her father. We have had months to spend time with her and make wonderful memories. Treasure that. I’m almost to your house, let me call Kelli.” She didn’t wait for my response before she hung up.

She was right. We were lucky enough to be given time with her. So many were robbed of that. The last year had been the best of my life. I opened my own club, was blessed with a beautiful, healthy babygirl, and married my best friend.

As soon as Carrie and Kelli got to our house we left. Cobie was worse than she had been earlier.

She was shutting down. I could see her eyes go in and out of focus. She was lost. I was losing her right in front of my own eyes. The thirty minute drive from our house to the hospital seemed to take days. On the way Carrie called Larkin and Jenna to let them know what was going on and promised to keep them updated.

Once we made it to the hospital Cobie was instantly admitted and hooked up to oxygen, IV’s, and monitors. The nurse took tube after tube of blood with no promise of when they would have the results.

Carrie and I sat holding Cobie’s hands. She didn’t talk. She didn’t respond. She was gone. Physically she was still here, but mentally she was gone.

“I think you should call Larkin.” I spoke to Carrie but looked at Cobie.

“Let’s just wait until we talk to the doctor. I think it’s all her medication counter reacting with each other.” Carrie said, trying to sound sincere.

“Carrie, I really think you should call Larkin. He needs to be here.”

Carrie called Larkin and I called my parents. Once again, everyone was flying in.

The doctor came in a few minutes later to talk to us. Holding his hand out to me first I shook his. “Mr. Tucker, I’m Dr. Chang. After reviewing your wives tests it appears she has sepsis and her cancer has more or less taken over her entire body. Dr. Emmons sent me an email explaining Cobie didn’t want any more scans after her initial diagnoses and this is exactly what we feared would happen.”

My eyes were burning. My throat was constricting. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. Everything was moving but nothing was making noise. “Wh-what does that mean?”

“Mr. Tucker, I am so sorry but if you have any family out of town, I think now would be a good time to have them come in. It is irreversible. There is nothing we can do except keep her comfortable.”

Carrie wrapped her arm around me. “We already called and they will be here tonight.”

Dr. Chang looked Cobie over then turned to his nurse and asked, “Susie, is Mrs. Tucker a DNR?”

DNR? What? No! No! No!

Before Susie could answer I blurted out, “Hell no. She is a full code.”

Dr. Chang ignored my outburst and calmly said, “Thank you, Mr. Tucker.”

Carrie laid her head on my shoulder, her tears wetting my shirt. “Dr. Chang could you please explain why this was so sudden? She went from zero to sixty overnight.”

Dr. Chang crossed his arms before saying, “Sometimes this is just how it happens. But, if I had to guess it has slowly been progressing but it wasn’t so noticeable until this point.”

No sooner than the words left Dr. Chang’s mouth, Cobie’s monitors started going off. The room filled with multiple doctors and nurses.

Dr. Chang barked out orders and had a nurse usher Carrie and I out of the room. I knew I needed to get out of the way so the doctors could work but I want to be with my wife. She needed me now. I needed her.

It felt like we were in the hall for days before Dr. Chang slipped out the door.

“Mr. Tucker.”

I cut the doctor off and rushed up to him. “Please tell me she is still alive.”

Dr. Chang placed his hand on my shoulder. “Your wife is still alive but she is being supported my machines. We had to put her in a medically induced coma and on a ventilator. It’s not good. I’m so sorry, Mr. Tucker.”

I fell to the ground. In the middle of the fucking hospital, I lost it. I begged. I pleaded.

God, if you’re listening please don’t take her. Not yet. I’m not ready. I can’t do this. She needs to be by my side and watch our daughter grow up. We still have so much to do, so much to accomplish. If you just give me this one thing I swear I will never question you again. Dammit, don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to my daughter. For fucks sake she’s only twenty years old. Her birthday is only a few weeks away. Why would you do this? Why would you put my family through this?

Carrie was on her knees, her arms wrapping around me. “Gage, Dr. Chang said we can go back in the room now. Come on, you need to be with your wife right now.”

Sniffing, I brought my eyes to meet Carrie’s. “I don’t know if I can do it. I can’t see her like that.”

“She needs you right now, more than you need her. She needs to know that you’re okay.”

“I’m not okay. This is too fuckin’ soon.”

“Gage Tucker. You are not weak. We are going in that room. We are going to sit with the girl we love and let her know it is okay for her to stop fighting. She’s hurting, Gage. She has fought for months and she’s tired. Be fair to her.”

Carrie helped me from the ground and into Cobie’s room. She was covered in wires and a tube was going down her throat. Constant beeping and a low hum of the ventilator were filling the silence.

I took a seat next to Cobie, wrapping her hand up in mine. “I’m here, baby. It’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

I laid my head down next to her shoulder and cried myself to sleep.

“Gage.” A familiar voice pulled me from my nightmare, thank God.

Blinking a few times, I raised my head and saw Larkin and Jenna standing across from me. They both had red, puffy eyes. It wasn’t a nightmare. I looked down and saw a very lifeless Cobie.

Without letting go of Cobie’s hand I reached across and grabbed Larkin’s. “I’m so sorry.”

Larkin’s chin quivered as his tears clouded his eyes. Jenna and Carrie put their arms around his back. Both women crying.

I looked down at Cobie and said, “When we got married Cobie changed everything to my name. I’m the one that makes all the decisions. But guys, I can’t make this one alone.”

Carrie, Larkin, and Jenna walked around Cobie’s bed and surrounded me. Jenna kissed my cheek and asked, “Did you guys ever talk about what she wanted if this happened?”

Taking a deep breath, I said, “Not really. We never thought this would happen.”

“We all know Cobie. We know she wouldn’t want to live like this. She’s not here to tell us but we know.”

We all nodded and Larkin added, “This is my baby sister and I don’t want to tell her goodbye but sometimes- Larkin swallowed back his tears- sometimes we have to do what we don’t want to. I don’t want her suffering, Gage. It’s not fair to her.”

“Before we do this I want Londyn to say goodbye. She needs to lay with her mom one last time, guys. My daughter is losing her mom and she doesn’t even know her yet. How fuckin’ fair is that?”

Carrie leaned down so she was level with me. “But, she has you. She has you, honey. You will make sure Cobie’s love lives on for Londyn.”

Jenna took a step away and dug through her purse, pulling her phone out. “I will call Kelli and see if Chad can bring Londyn down.”

Taking a few deep breaths I shook my head. “No, my parents should be here soon. Do you mind calling and seeing if they can pick Londyn up on their way?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

Carrie stood and walked to Jenna, “I’ll go with you. Get everyone coffee.”

Once Jenna and Carrie were out the door Larkin pulled a chair up next to me. “I never said this but, thank you. My sister was happy with you. I wasn’t happy with how things started but you made her happy. The last year of her life could have been pure hell but with you and Londyn in her life she enjoyed it. Thank you for putting her first.”

“I love your sister. She made me happy when I hated life. I don’t want to think about what my life would be like if your sister hadn’t come into it. I’m serious Larkin, she saved me.”

Larkin watched me closely when he spoke again, “I know you think I stole Jenna from you, but look what you would have missed if Jenna would have stayed with you. I know you love Jenna. I know you love Co. After you got with my sister though, something changed. You didn’t look at Jenna like you used to. You might not even know it yet but you are more in love with my sister than even she knew.”

Running my hand up and down Cobie’s arm I said, “You’re right. Your sister made me forget about Jenna. Your sister was my saving grace. And, now I’m losing the one thing that made my life not so shitty.”

Larkin shook his head. “No you’re not. She will always be with us. And, you still have Londyn. She looks so much like her mom and if you’re lucky she will be just like her.”

Hearing my daughter’s name made me smile. I looked at Cobie and joked, “If you have anything to do with it, you will make sure she is just like you, huh?”

“Let’s hope,” Larkin laughed.

My parents arrived about an hour later, Londyn in tow. I unfastened her from her car seat and placed her between Cobie’s chest and arm. Londyn immediately snuggled into her mom. She knew who mommy was.

“Gage, you should take pictures. Londyn would want them when she’s older,” Jenna suggested.

Sliding my phone out, I unlocked it and hit the camera button. I snapped a few pictures and held my tears back.

This is it. After I take Londyn from Cobie I will be telling the doctor to ‘unplug’ my wife. I left Londyn snuggled with her mom for as long as she would allow, which ended up being about an hour, before I leaned over to pick her up.

“Give mommy one last kiss, princess.” I placed Londyn next to Cobie’s face for a second before letting my mom take her to feed her.

“I will go get Dr. Chang,” Carrie said, standing by the door.

I took a few short deep breaths. This was the best for Cobie, she would be waiting for me, and she wouldn’t be suffering anymore. I kept telling myself over and over again.

“Mr. Tucker, Mrs. Nayler said you needed to speak with me.”

I didn’t take my eyes off of Cobie, I just nodded. Larkin nudged me. “You need to tell Dr. Chang.”

Shutting my eyes I slowly mumbled, “Take her off life support.”

“Ok, Mr. Tucker. We will make sure she is comfortable. She won’t feel any pain. Before we turn the machine off we will give her a high dose of Propofol, then we will give her more pain medication as needed. It may look like she is struggling to breath at some point, but she won’t be. That will be her brain still telling her lungs they need air, but she won’t be in any discomfort.”

I let my head fall onto her chest. I took a few seconds to collect myself before turning to look at Dr. Chang. “Ok. I’m ready. How long will it take?”

“That is between God and your wife.”

I slowly nodded and turned my attention back to Cobie. A nurse came through the door carrying three syringes and inserted them into Cobie’s IV’s. Dr. Chang waited a few minutes before speaking in some sort of code to the nurse who in turn turned the monitor screen off then turned the ventilator off. The nurse stepped back beside Dr. Chang as we all surrounded the bed.

She couldn’t be dying. This is how she looked when she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful.

Larkin pulled out his phone and played on it for a moment before Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer filled the room. Cobie’s favorite song. He laid it on her chest and kissed her cheek. “I love you, sis. Watch over my babies and keep them safe. Tell dad I said hey.”

Jenna then took her turn. Leaning down she kissed her cheek. “Thank you for helping me see that I really was in love with your brother. You saw how much I loved him before I did. I will make sure Evie and the boys know how much their Aunt Co loved them. Raise some hell up there and make sure you get some kick ass angel wings.”

Carrie hugged her daughter and kissed her forehead a few times before pulling back to grab her hands. “Cobie, my sweet little girl. I can still remember when you would play dress up and demand everyone call you Princess Cobie, you even got Larkin to call you that a few times. It seems like you were just learning to walk and talk then before I knew it you were driving and graduating high school then along came Londyn and I watching you walk down the aisle. I love you, angel. Thank you for blessing me with almost twenty-one years of bliss.”

It was my turn. I could do this. I. Could. Do. This.

I kissed Cobie’s lips and whispered, “I love you.” I pulled her hand up to my mouth and softly kissed it. Larkin had fiddled with his phone again and sat it back on her chest. Cowboys and Angels by Dustin Lynch came on. I smiled. Cobie said the day we found out we were having a girl that this was our song. “Here that, baby. That’s our song. Larkin’s playing it for us. He knows how wild I am and how perfect you are, it’s not a secret. Who knew how fitting this song would actually end up being? You are my angel, Co. You walked in when I needed you most. You saved me. You gave me that one thing I was missing. You were the star in my darkest nights. I promise I will spend my forever telling Londyn how much you love her. Its ok baby, you can go. You don’t have to fight anymore. Wait for me up there. This isn’t our goodbye, you hear me? This is see you later.” I kissed her lips one more time. “I love you, Co, so much more than you could ever imagine.”

Carrie, Larkin, Jenna, and I held on to Cobie’s hands. My head was resting on her shoulder when I saw her chest stop moving. Raising my head I kissed her lips one last time. “Until we meet again. I love you.”

I lost it.

“Mr. Tucker, I am so sorry.” Dr. Chang rested his hand on my shoulder.

Cobie lost her fight to cancer March twelfth, ten thirty one at night.

I saw face after face and nodded like I understood what they were saying but it was all a blur. I was acting on autopilot. I followed the motions but didn’t know what I was doing. If I heard one more person tell me ‘they were sorry for my loss’ or ‘I can only imagine how you feel’, I was going to scream.

They were sorry for my loss? What the fuck? Cobie was my wife not my cell phone. You lose your cell phone. You don’t lose your wife. And, no you cannot even begin to fathom how I was feeling. The one person that made my life feel complete again is gone. I would no longer make her coffee in the mornings or help her take a bath at night.

Scrubbing my hand down my face, I leaned over to Larkin and whispered, “I need to get out of here for a little bit.”

Larkin nodded and said, “I understand. I got Londyn. Take a break.”

I had done well at the funeral but now that people were gathering at our house I was losing steam. Everywhere I looked I saw Cobie. Her medicine bottles were on the kitchen counter, her cell phone was sitting on the coffee table. Her lotion was on the dresser, her makeup bag was open on the vanity, her boots that she hadn’t worn in months were still sitting by the back door, and her cherry red BMW was sitting in the garage. She was everywhere.

Escaping out the back door, I jogged down the patio steps and followed the dirt path through our twenty acres. It was mid- March and in Ohio it’s still pretty cold. I could see my breath as I walked, but I didn’t care. It helped numb the pain. Finding a large rock beside the semi frozen creek I took a seat.

Cobie, if you were here I’m sure you would yelling at all those people in our house making a mess and not using coasters. It’s only been two days but I miss you so much already. How am I supposed to live the rest of my life with this empty feeling? You filled a place in my life I never thought could be repaired. You made me whole. I wish you were here. You would love this weather, crazy girl. You loved the cold, cloudy days and sitting by the creek. Just send me a sign, anything letting me know you’re still with us.

It began to snow. Cobie loved the snow and making snow angels.

She was my snow angel.

13

Gage

5 MONTHS LATER

“Mom, you sure you will be ok with Londyn?” I kissed my daughter’s chubby cheek one more time.

Laughing, my mom pried Londyn from my arms and said, “I think I can handle it. I mean, I did raise you and your brother. Besides, she told me she wanted some Gran time.”

“This is the first time I have left her for more than a few hours si-since Cobie.” I closed my eyes and rubbed my face before continuing, “Maybe I shouldn’t go tonight. The bar has done just fine without me. Londyn needs me.”

“Sweetheart, it has been five months since Cobie pasted. You need to get out and live. Londyn will be just fine. You can call or text me any time to check-in on her. We have a big night planned. After dinner we are going for a walk on the beach, bath time, then snuggling up and enjoying a bed time bottle.”

Frowning, I relented. “Ok, I’ll go. But only for a little while. Larkin and Jenna have been begging me to go out with them so I guess I shouldn’t let them down.”

“Go and have fun. Stay out as late as you want. The guest house is unlocked. Enjoy being baby free. Londyn will be here in the morning when you wake up. You deserve to have a life, honey.”

“I guess buying a house here will come in handy, huh?” I asked, smiling at my mom.

Tamra Tucker and I have not always seen eye-to-eye on my life’s choices but she has always supported me. Now that I’m a parent I see where she was coming from all those years. A parent wants what is best for their child.

“This isn’t me telling you ‘I told you so’…but I told you so.”

My mom and I both laughed before I kissed Londyn one more time. Running my hand through her wavy brown hair I whispered, “Love you princess. Daddy will see you in the morning. Be good for Gran.”

I took a few steps toward the door but stopped and looked over my shoulder. “Thanks, mom. I love you.”

My mom gave me a half smile and said, “You’re welcome, sweetie. I love you, too.”

This place was packed. I pulled around to the side of the building where the employees park and shut my car off. I already missed Londyn.

Unplugging my phone from the car charger I dialed my mom.

“Hey, sweetheart. Everything is great here. Your daughter just ate a jar of peas and a jar of apples. We are getting wiped off then heading to the beach for a little while. We love you. Goodbye.”

My mom didn’t pause for a second, nor did she wait for me to say anything before she ended the call.

Laying my head back I stared out at the ocean. Cobie never got to see Londyn play in the sand or the way she giggles when the waves splash her. Londyn loves the ocean. Closing my eyes, I rested my arm across my forehead.

“Are you dead?” Jenna asked, tapping on my window.

I wish.

I felt around for the door handle and opened the door. “What?”

“Larkin told me he saw you pull in but never get out of your car. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

Popping my eyes open, I said, “Everything is peachy. My wife is dead, my daughter wants her Gran over me, and I’m living with my parents. Yeah, I would say everything is wonderful, wouldn’t you?”

Jenna raised onto her tippy toes and stuck her finger in my face. “You listen here, Gage. I know you’re hurting, but that does not give you the right to treat me like shit.” Jenna lowered herself and put her hands on her hips. “I wanted tonight to be a good night. If there is any chance in hell that’s going to happen, this ‘poor me’ attitude is going to have to go. I am in no mood for it. I swear as God as my witness if you test me tonight Gage Tucker, I will knock the shit outta you.”

I looked at Jenna for a moment before turning my attention back to the ocean. “You think Cobie would have liked living here?”

Jenna’s body relaxed a little as she smiled. “Yeah, I do. She loved the ocean.”

“I’m coming back. I signed a deal with the Saints.”

Jenna threw her arms around my neck. “No way? I’m so proud of you!”

“Yes. My agent called me earlier today letting me know.”

“You two ready to go inside?” Larkin asked, his voice sounding a little pissy.

Jenna laid her head against my chest and smacked my stomach. “Did you hear the news?”

Larkin raised an eyebrow. “What news?”

“Gage is now a Saint.”

“No shit. Congrats dude.”

“Yeah, thanks. Why don’t you two go ahead and go inside. Just give me a minute then I will be in.”

Jenna exchanged a look with Larkin before they both agreed.

I hopped onto the trunk of my car when a small silver car caught my eye. Watching it pull into the empty lot next to my bar I saw the back door fly open and a small boy, probably around five years old, fly out.

“Dammit, Gabriel! What have I told you about getting out before I tell you its safe?”

The little boy with shaggy brown hair ducked his head. “Sorry, mommy. I’m just so excited. I get to play the guitar tonight, Uncle Jase promised.”

Taking my attention off the little boy I looked to his mom and I really wish I hadn’t. My khaki shorts got a little tighter just from looking at the woman. She was too far away to see too much detail but I could see she had dark brown hair and when knelt down to talk to her son her shirt rode up in the back and I could see some sort of tattoo.

“Gabe, I hate yelling at you, but mommy doesn’t want you getting smashed like a bug by some car.”

When the mom stood, I recognized her shirt. She works for me. Fucking great. And my shorts just keep getting tighter. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, though.

I heard the giant, dark blue truck before I saw it flying into the lot. The mom I had been watching grabbed onto her son and flung him behind her.

“What the fuck are you doing?” She yelled at the driver.

The guy left the truck running my hopped out of the truck. “Parking, what the hell does it look like?”

It looked like a divorced couple trading off their child. The little boy slipped out of his mom’s grip and ran to the guy standing in front of her. The guy instantly had his arms out, catching the little boy.

Another guy, covered in tattoos appeared from the passenger side and high fived the little boy. “Uncle Jase!” The little boy, yelled.

The tattooed guy held his arms out. “Hey buddy. I’ve missed you. Are you ready to learn some good ole rock and roll tonight?”

The little boy bobbed his head up and down. “Will it be Lynyrd Skynyrd?”

Huh. The kid knew good music.

“You know it.” The tattooed guy responded.

I looked back at the mom. She looked bored. “Ok, well as fun as this little hoorah has been I have to get to work. Some of us have a child to raise.”

Maybe that was her little dig at the guy I assume was dad.

The little boy wrangled his way free from tattoo guy and ran to his mom. “Love you, mommy. Don’t work too hard.”

Her face lit up. “Love you too, Gabe. Be good and mommy will see you tomorrow afternoon.”

The assumed dad leaned in to kiss her cheek but she side stepped him and went straight to tattoo guy.

“Thanks, Jase. He loves spending time with you.”

Tattoo guy pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. “You know I love spending time with little man. Now go shake your ass and make you some rent money.” He lightly smacked her ass before he climbed into the truck and buckled the little boy into his booster seat.

The first guy attempted to get the mom’s attention again. I saw her body go rigid and she spoke low enough that I couldn’t hear but he dropped it and got into his truck. She kicked at the loose stones in the parking lot as the truck drove away.

Something was definitely going on.

The mom dropped her head onto the roof of her car as a slew of curse words fell from her mouth.

Now I was intrigued. She yanked open the driver’s door and grabbed her purse before slamming the door shut and locking it. Stomping across the lot I could see more and more of her the closer she got. Her dark brown hair made her intense blue eyes that much more noticeable. She had an amazing mouth with plump kissable lips.

What the fuck was I thinking this way about someone who I didn’t know, and someone who works for me?

Once she was getting close I slid off the trunk of my car. Something was pulling me to her. I took one step before I retreated in the opposite direction.

I was disgusting.

I walked around the edge of my bar and looked up at the full deck. All the people carrying on lives like there isn’t a care in the world. Those who will probably go home with a random girl or guy tonight and regret it tomorrow. Not thinking tonight what could possibly result in that heat of the moment choice.

Slowly I walked up the steps to the throng of people drinking on the deck. Hoping no one would notice me and I could slip inside without a problem

No such luck. I had been spotted. And queue the giggly girls offering me drinks and their bodies.

No thanks. I warned off person after person and made my way inside to the bar. I just wanted a beer and to hide in my office until I could go home to my daughter.

14

Annie

Yawning, I walked up the steps and into the bar. Stopping just before going in I looked at the setting sun. This wasn’t supposed to be my life. I wasn’t supposed to be a single mom working at a bar. I had a plan. A plan that included being married to Derek and raising our son together. Nowhere in the plan did it say he was supposed to die and leave me to raise our son alone.

Pushing my hair back, I took a deep breath of the warm, salty air and opened the door. Being a bartender at Wet Spot wasn’t ideal but the money was good and I had a son to raise.

“Hey, bitch. Where the hell you been? Palmer has been looking for you.” My best friend squealed as soon as I was through the door. I loved Leigha but damn the girl needed to tone it down.

Smacking her away I said, “Palmer can fuck himself. I have told him I’m not interested. Not my fault the dumbass can’t take the hint. Tonight is not a night to mess with me. I’m on my period and I just had a run in with Tristan when your brother picked up Gabe.”

Leigha’s smile slipped a little. “Take some Midol and tell Tristan to go to hell. As for Parker, You can’t blame him for finding you so damn sexy. Momma’s got it goin’ on.”

Glaring at her I turned on my heel to face her. “Shouldn’t you be going and asking if somebody needs a refill? Hell, see if Palmer wants to fill you up just so he leaves me alone.”

She frowned before pouting, “He doesn’t like me. I tried.”

I still couldn’t figure out why Palmer wasn’t interested in her. She was smart, witty, funny, and gorgeous as hell. She was that all American natural beauty. She had long, wavy chestnut brown hair. Her tan skin made her greyish blue eyes stand out.

Leigha flipped her long hair over her shoulder and scrunched her face. “I’ll tell Palmer to get lost. Besides I heard Mr. Owner man is coming in tonight. You need to be on your game, not worried about some beach bum.” She may be a pain in my ass and a little too happy sometimes but God, I love her. I know I could always count on her and she always has my back. Through everything she has been the only person in my life that hasn’t left.

“Isn’t the owner some big time soccer player or something?” I asked.

Leigha laughed and shook her head before bouncing off to the table. I shrugged, and made my way to the employee room. It was only eight at night but this place was already filled. Being mid-August I wasn’t surprised, but I also knew that meant another late night.

Looking down I noticed something on the floor. Bending over I saw it was a beer bottle. I grabbed it and before looking up started to take a step and ran into something solid, falling flat on my ass.

Not thinking I yelled out, “What the hell?” Thinking some drunk vacationer knocked me over, I was irate.

Before lifting my head, there was a large hand being shoved in front of my face. Staring at the fingertips I scanned my eyes over the hand and onto the muscular, tattooed arm and straight into the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. Swallowing hard, I stared into those clear blue eyes. I felt as if they could see into my soul.

“You okay?” A deep voice with a slight southern accent asked.

Without speaking I nodded my head. Taking his hand I allowed him to help me up. “Um. Thanks.” I dropped the guys hand and darted around him without looking back.

My hand was still tingling from the feeling of his touch. I hadn’t felt that way since before Derek died. Wiggling my fingers and making a fist I tried to force the feeling out. Flinging the employee door open I threw my purse into a locker and rested my head against the cool metal. After taking a few deep breaths I gathered myself enough to go back out, hopefully not running into mystery man again.

Once I was behind the bar I had order after order being yelled at me. Making a few drinks helped to clear my head. Then, I turned to see Palmer sitting on the barstool right in front of me. His silver eyes sparkling from the overhead lighting, he ran a hand through his buzzed red hair. That damn knowing smile on his face. The guy was a relentless creep.

Rolling my eyes, I curled my lip in disgust. “What the hell do you want, Palmer?”

Palmer slid a twenty dollar bill across the bar and waggled his eyebrows. “You know, Annie, I think I could make you very happy.”

Keeping my head up, I dropped my eyes to look at the money on the bar before bringing them back up to look at Palmer. “How? Are you leaving?”

Palmer didn’t take the hint. Instead he tried again. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Looking behind me, to my left and to my right I raised an eyebrow. “No, but I’ll take the money. Thanks.” Snatching the twenty dollars off the bar I shoved it into my shorts pocket. Smirking I walked to the opposite end of the bar to wait on another group of people.

I was busy making a huge order of mixed drinks when I heard that cat- scratch voice again. “Annie, why don’t you go ahead and ask me out. I know you want to, I can see it in your eyes. You can stop your little game now.”

With my back to him I squeezed my eyes shut. Turning until I was facing Palmer I slowly opened my eyes and slammed my palms onto the bar. “You know what, Palmer, you’re right. I would love to ask you out. Why don’t you go out and play in the damn traffic or go out and play in shark infested water?”

Palmer narrowed his eyes. “You can keep up with this little act but eventually you’re going to break down and give into me. You can’t hide behind that wall forever, baby.”

Scooting both my hands across the bar I leaned close to Palmer and said, “I will never give into a guy like you. So why don’t you take the hint and back the fuck off?”

Palmer’s lip twitched before he grabbed my hands. Yanking my hands away I took a step back as Palmer said, “I would love to fuck you off, baby. Just give me one time…”

Before Palmer could finish he was being yanked off the barstool. Widening my eyes I saw the mystery man from earlier shoving Palmer into the wall, placing his forearm across Palmer’s throat.

“I do believe the lady told you to fuck off. I think it’s time you left.” Mystery man spat out.

Palmer attempted a laugh, trying to seem unaffected. “I’ll leave when I’m good and ready, and I ain’t ready yet.”

I could see the vain in mystery man’s neck ticking with each heartbeat. He looked murderous.

“Well see buddy, here’s the thing. I’m the fuckin’ owner. And, I think I will decide when it’s time for you to go. That time was about five fuckin’ minutes ago. You have two options. Number one, walk the hell outta here on your own with a little dignity and respect or two, I can have my men carry you out like the fuckin’ piece of shit you are. Your choice.” He loosened his hold on Palmer, letting him go.

What the hell? Mystery man was the owner? Damn. He was hot.

Palmer rubbed his hand over his throat before staring mystery owner man down. It really was a funny match up. Palmer was around five feet six inches with bright red hair, freckles, gray/ silver eyes, and absolutely zero muscle. He was the epitome of creepy dork. Then you look at mystery owner and all I can think is badass. He was well over six foot with amazing blue eyes, light brown hair, and tons of tattoos.

“What’s it going to be?”

Palmer squinted his eyes before saying, “Fuck off. You ain’t the owner and you ain’t doin’ shit to me.”

Mystery owner man smirked as the amusement washed over his face. “You’re right, I won’t do shit. I pay people to deal with little fuckin’ scums like you.” He jerked his head in my direction before saying, “You step in my bar again and I will make sure you will never ‘fuck off’ as you put it, again. And harass her or another of my employees and I will personally castrate you myself. Got it, buddy?”

I let my eyes drift from Palmer and mystery owner to see two very large men in tight black shirts and dress pants walking in our direction. As the two men approached Palmer I could see his body getting tense. The two large men picked Palmer up and made their way back through the crowd, and out the front door.

Closing my mouth I blinked a few times. Holy shit!

I shook my head trying to once again clear my thoughts of mystery owner. I turned back around to finish the order I was making before the Palmer drama interrupted me.

“You ok?” That deep, husky voice sent chills down my body.

Looking over my shoulder, I smiled and nodded. Turning back to the drinks, I hoped he would leave. After making a few more drinks I turned back to face the bar and found that sexy man meat sitting on the stool Palmer had been occupying.

Plastering on a smile I asked, “Need a drink?”

Smirking, mystery owner shook his head. “Nah. I don’t think it would look to good if the owner was drinking.”

“You’re really the owner?” I asked, fully curious.

Looking confused mystery owner looked around. “Why would I lie about being the owner? And why the hell would I have two random bodyguards with me? I’m the one and only Gage Tucker.”

“But, I thought the owner was some big shot soccer player or something. Shouldn’t you be like, I don’t know practicing or something?”

Gage pursed his lips before saying, “I sure as hell don’t kick balls for a living. I’m the quarterback for the New Orleans Saints.”

“Well either way you play with balls to get your money. Not much difference.” I smiled before bending over to pick up a bottle of tequila.

I needed a shot.

Slamming the bottle on the bar, I grabbed a shot glass and poured. Throwing the alcohol back, I welcomed the warming in my throat. Setting the glass on the bar I looked at Gage, who was smiling.

“Better now?” Gage grabbed the shot glass and poured another, sliding it across the bar towards me. “One more.”

I slowly blinked and looked down at the full shot glass. Was he testing me? Did he want to see if I would get drunk on the job?

Bringing my eyes back up to meet his I shook my head one time. “I have drinks to make. Maybe some other time.”

Gage picked up the glass and wrapped his lips around the brim, letting the alcohol drain into his mouth. He could even make taking a shot look sexy.

Fuck. I was in trouble. I didn’t know this man from a hole in the wall but hot damn I was attracted to him.

Gage wiped the corner of his mouth before setting the glass down. Looking from the empty glass to Gage’s ocean blue eyes he winked before hopping off the stool. “Have a good night, Annie.” He turned and strutted away.

How did he know my name? My name tag, duh dumbass. I smacked my forehead and sighed. I didn’t do this. Men didn’t make me go stupid. What the hell was going on? I didn’t do that whole alpha male swooping in to save the damsel in distress shit.

Gage Tucker made my brain turn to mush. I was screwed. The two times we had been around each other and I felt shit I hadn’t felt in years. No love at first site but serious sexual tension.

Totally. Fuckin’. Screwed.

15

Gage

It had been five months since Cobie died. The first night I go to my bar and I literally run into the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The way my dick responded to her wasn’t okay. I was attracted to her, just my luck.

Sitting at my desk, I dropped my head into my hands. Running my fingers through my hair I squeezed my eyes shut as my head slid down and rested on my desk. It had only been five months, I couldn’t be having these feelings. What kind of person was I? My wife, the mother of my fucking child just died! I should be sitting at home crying not going out and getting a raging boner from my bartender. Dammit!

Slamming my fists onto the desk I heard a picture frame fall over. Lifting my head just enough to see over my arm I saw the silver frame that held the picture of Londyn, just a few days old snuggled with Cobie. Setting the frame back in place I rubbed my eyes with my index fingers.

Who would have thought it would end up like this?

Scooting my chair back from my desk I put my elbows on the arm rests and laced my fingers together, setting my chin on them. After getting the call from my agent this morning I couldn’t be happier that the trade deal had gone through. Starting quarterback and more money. Leaving New York and coming to New Orleans was the best thing for Londyn and for myself. She would be close to family and I would have more help raising her.

Attempting to clear my thought I heard a hard knock on my door.

“It’s open.”

Not looking at the door I pushed out of the chair and walked to the large window overlooking the ocean.

“Hey, man. You ok? I saw you sittin’ at the bar, looked away, and when I looked back you were gone.”

Larkin. He was the exact person I couldn’t talk to about my problem.

Without looking at Larkin I forced a smile and said, “Everything is fine. Just needed to get away for a minute, everyone out there has something to say to me. Needed a breather.”

Larkin took a few steps so he was standing next to me. Forcing myself I brought my eyes to meet his.

“Gage, I know, you miss her. Fuck, she was my sister, but you have to live your life. I know you loved her. She was your wife and you two had a baby, but she’s gone. As much as I fuckin’ hate it and it tears me apart you have to move on. You know that’s what Co would want. She would want you happy.”

Sighing I dropped my gaze to the floor. “I can’t talk to you about this. She was your sister, my wife, and the mother of my child. I loved her and just thinking about another female should make me sick.”

Larkin placed his hand on my shoulder and said, “You need to talk to someone, Gage. It’s not healthy to keep it all in.”

I tensed. Lifting my head to look him square in the eye I said, “Didn’t know you were a fuckin’ shrink. Thanks for those words of wisdom, but I think I can handle my own damn life. I mean, I was the one who stepped up when you fuckin’ left. I think I got this shit covered.” I saw hurt flash across his face before it morphed into raw anger.

I didn’t care.

Larkin narrowed his eyes and spoke with venom, “You know what, you’re right. You did step up but that wasn’t by my choice and you know it. I’m not offering words of fuckin’ wisdom, just the truth, fucker. You can take it how you want but you need help. Fuckin’ talk to someone, even if it’s not me.”

Larkin dropped his hand from my shoulder, turned and walked out. Slamming the door on his way.

Who did he think he was? I was fine. I didn’t need some shrink telling me I was fucked in the head. I already knew that.

Taking a few deep breaths I pulled my phone out to text my mom, I needed to see how Londyn was doing.

Me: How’s Londyn? How did she do getting a bath? Did she drink all her bottle before she fell asleep?

Slipping my phone back into my pocket I started toward the door when it came flying open and a highly pissed off Jenna came storming through. Normal Jenna didn’t scare me but pissed off Jenna, now that scared me shitless.

“Gage Michael Tucker, you fucking dick jockey! I love you and I will always be there for you but you are going too far. You need to take your depressed ass to therapy.”

Holy fuck! Why won’t people leave me the hell alone?

“Jenna, I am not fuckin’ depressed. I’m living the fuckin’ life,” I said sarcastically. I held my hands up, waving them around my office for show.

“Gage, why won’t you talk to me? We used to talk about everything.” Jenna’s voice was quiet, hurt. She started to reach for me until I opened my mouth.

“And then you left me, got married, and moved to the other side of the country. So, excuse the fuck outta me for not telling you everything,” I bit out.

She drew back. The look on her face told me I had just crushed her. Swallowing, she took a few deep breaths before releasing her rage. “You know what, fuck face, you’re not so perfect yourself. I’m not the one who ended up with a baby after a one night stand. I have a family and a life I love. Can you say that? Can you say you’re happy with your life?”

Jenna’s words felt like a slap in the face.

Clenching my jaw, I drew my hands into fists, slamming my left hand into the wall. Jenna never flinched. Instead I could see her anger only intensify and radiate in waves off of her.

“Aren’t you just so mature? Who goes around punching shit because they got put in their place? You need professional help. You have a daughter and you’re the only parent she has left. If you don’t do it for yourself, at least do it for her. She deserves the Gage Tucker I know. Not this angry, depressed fuck you’re being.”

Grinding my teeth I hissed, “Get out!

Jenna bit her bottom lip, her face red. She shot back, “You can’t throw me out Gage. Not now. Not after everything we have been through. Get mad at me all you want, but one day you will realize just how right I am. You can’t push me outta your life. My stubborn ass ain’t leavin’ so get used to seein’ my face.”

I could feel my jaw ticking. Jenna could piss me off like no one else could. “Fine, I’ll leave.” Walking passed Jenna I made sure to bump her with my shoulder.

“Go to hell, Gage. Do you worst but you won’t break me. Not when it comes to you and your happiness. I will always be there, even when you don’t want me to be.”

I paused at the door, letting out an empty laugh. I jerked the handle and said, “We’ll see about that.” I opened the door and walked out, letting it slam behind me.

Making my way through the crowd and to the bar I ignored person after person trying to talk to me. I didn’t want small talk, I wanted drunk.

Really, really drunk. Forget the world drunk.

Spotting an empty stool at the bar, I grabbed it and slid into the seat.

There she was.

Annie was leaning over grabbing bottles of alcohol. As she was leaning up she sweetly asked, “Can I help ya?”

Setting the bottles on the counter she brought her eyes to mine. Her sapphire blue eyes were soaking me in. Her tight ‘Wet Spot’ t-shirt hugged her large tits and stopped just below her belly button, showing off her athletic stomach and making me fight another hard-on.

Giving her a half smile I said, “Double shot of tequila with salt and lime, please.”

Annie stared for a few seconds before raking her bottom teeth over her upper lip. Jesus fuck that was hot. She sat a shot glass in front of me with a napkin beside it. Reaching under the bar she grabbed a salt shaker and lime wedge, setting them on the napkin. Turning around she stretched her arm up, reaching for the tequila. In doing so she gave me a perfect view of her tight ass and that tattoo on her lower back.

Alis Volat Propriis.

Seeing it earlier I had thought it was a tramp stamp, but up close I could see that it wasn’t in the usual tramp stamp location. It was offset to the right, almost wrapping around her hip.

Pouring the tequila she never took her eyes off the glass. She was nervous. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was her boss or if she felt what I felt. I wanted to know. She sat the bottle of tequila on the bar and finally looked at me again. Those eyes. Those eyes could make me do very bad things to her. There was something about them that pulled me in. Her eyes were mesmerizing.

Keeping my eyes locked with hers, I brought my right hand to my mouth licking a small spot on the back of my hand. I grabbed the salt and shook it onto my hand. Picking up the shot glass, I licked the back of my salt covered hand, downed the shot, replacing the glass with the lime wedge.

Annie’s eyelids were getting heavier with each passing second. If I kept this up I could have her in my bed within an hour. I could fuck her until I forgot all the shit. That is exactly what I plan on doing. Forget.

“Another one, beautiful. This time I want you to do one with me,” I ordered in a gruff voice.

Annie looked torn. She was quiet for a minute before a smile crept across her face and she nodded. “Sure.” She poured two more shots and grabbed two more lime wedges.

“Ladies first.”

Annie brought her hand to her lips. Her tongue darted out of her mouth to quickly to lick the back of her hand. She took the salt shaker and covered the spot she just licked. Setting the salt back on the bar, Annie said, “Your turn, ball boy.”

Raising an eyebrow I smirked. “Sweetheart, I am in no way a ball boy. I could show you just how anti-ball I am.”

Annie slowly shook her head and smiled. “I’m sure you could, but I’ll take your word for it. I already have a guy who keeps me very happy. He’s very over protective and could probably whoop your ass if he found out you’re hitting on me.” Her mouth raised on one side and she tried to hide her smile

Fuck me. I should have known that guy from earlier was Dropping the subject I lick my hand and shake some salt onto the spot.

Both reaching for our glasses I held mine up. “Here’s to wild nights and single parents.”

Annie’s smile faded as she clinked her glass to mine. “Cheers.”

We tossed our shots back and sucked on the lime. Seeing Annie suck the lime made me picture her full lips wrapped around my dick.

And my boner was back.

This girl was going to occupy my dreams. She would be in my bed before I left to start my season. I had to have her.

“One more?” I asked, hopeful.

“Not for me. Some of us have to work around here. We can’t all be gazillionaires and sit on our asses, hitting on bartenders, and getting drunk.” Annie said.

“I’m not a gazillionaire and I am not hitting on you. Trying to get you into my bed, yes. Trying to ask you on a date,” I paused and slowly shook my head. “No.”

Annie’s cheeks turned a light pink before she said, “With an attitude like that, I can see why you’re a single parent.”

Drawing back, I let my gaze fall to the gold band on my finger. I felt like I was cheating on Cobie in some sick and twisted way.

“My wife died from cancer five months ago. We found out when she was pregnant that she had Osteosarcoma. She couldn’t take treatments while pregnant.” Pushing my tears back, I ran my finger around the brim of the glass. “Three months after our daughter was born she died. Nothing to do with my attitude.”

Annie covered her mouth. “Shit. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

Shrugging to play it off I smiled and said, “So, how about that other shot?”

Annie filled our two glasses up again, grabbing two more lime wedges.

Eight shots for me and five shots for Annie later we were both getting sloppy. I needed to walk away. She was my employee, but she was also gorgeous and funny.

“I think your shift is over, Barker can handle the bar for another hour. Let’s get outta here.”

Annie rested her elbows and forearms on the bar, leaning forward just enough that I could see down her shirt. Biggest ‘all natural’ tits I had ever seen. I wanted to rip her shirt off just so I could suck her nipples into my mouth as I let my hands wonder down her curvy body and into her little shorts. I could just imagine sliding my fingers into her tight, wet pussy. The noises she would make, the way her body would shake as she came in my hands.

“We need to get outta here, now. I need to get you in my bed and underneath me,” I gruffed.

Annie’s tongue darted out and wet her bottom lip. “I’m not that easy Mr. Tucker. You’re going to have to try harder than that.” Annie grabbed the towel she had tucked in her back pocket and tossed it on the bar. “I’m out Barker. See you tomorrow.”

Without giving me a second glance she was gone. Shit.

And then I had an idea…….

16

Annie

Did I just walk away from the hottest man I have ever laid eyes on? Yes, yes I did. And for a damn good reason. It wasn’t like he was interested in getting to know me. He wanted me for one reason and I wasn’t going to fall into his bed like most women would. I have respect for myself. I have respect for him, even if he is kinda an ass. Besides, I don’t want to risk getting who knows what kind of disease or more importantly getting pregnant from a one night stand gone wrong.

Now, to figure out how in the hell I would get home. I could call Jase and he would pick me up, but that would leave Gabe with Tristan. I don’t want that. Standing in the middle of the still packed parking lot I looked up to the big night sky.

There is was. Derek’s star was twinkling right beside the moon. I always told Gabe that was Derek’s way of telling us hi and that he loved us.

“Annie, wait up!” Leigha called after me. Stopping I waited on my best friend. “Please tell me what I heard is a lie.”

Looking at her like she had three heads I asked, “Huh? What did you hear?”

Giving me her famous ‘cut the shit’ look, she put one of her hands on her hip and waved between me and the bar with her other. “That you told one very sexy Mr. Tucker no. Barker told me that owner man got all up in some guys Kool-Aid for messin’ with you then kicked him out. He also told me that owner man couldn’t take his eyes off of you and that your eyes seemed pretty distracted as well.”

“Barker is an idiot and needs to learn how to keep his damn mouth shut.”

Leigha squealed, jumping up and down. “Oh my God! Oh my God! Gage Tucker has the hots for my best friend.”

“Um no. He was drunk. He got me drunk. And now I have no idea how I’m getting home.”

“I’ll drive and crash at your house tonight.”

I handed Leigha my keys and sunk into the passenger seat. When my car started the song that always made me think of Derek filled the silence. So Far Away by Avenged Sevenfold. “Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if Derek hadn’t been killed?”

She held my hand and gave me a sad smile. “Sometimes. Especially when I see Gabe playing the guitar. He is a mini me of his dad.”

“I hate Tristan. It’s been six years and I still hate him. A little part of me hates Derek too. He knew what he was doing that night when he got in the car with Tristan. He knew the risk he was taking. He knew he was going to be a father.”

“Oh sweetie. Tristan hate’s himself too. You know he blames himself. We were all young and stupid. You got lucky and ended up pregnant. Derek was so proud he was going to be a dad.” Leigha looked out of my sunroof. “You know as well as I do that if he thought for one minute getting in that car with Tristan would take him away from you and Gabe he never would have went.”

She was right. Derek loved the idea that I was having his baby. I was only seventeen, he was eighteen, but we were in love. “I know. That doesn’t stop me from thinking ‘what if’. Would the boys have made it big and would we be sittin’ fat on our asses on some private island. Would the guys still be playing in the garage and we barely scraping to get by? Or maybe we would be comfortable having nine to five jobs with a couple of kids.”

Leigha shrugged. “Maybe. But we will never know. You can’t keep thinking ‘what if’. Eventually you have to let go and move on. Close that chapter in your life and start writing a new one.”

I didn’t want to move on. I didn’t want to forget Derek. He was the only chapter I knew. I feared change, despised it. Moving on meant starting something new which meant leaving Derek behind. I wasn’t ready for that and didn’t know if I ever would be. Gabe was the guy I snuggled with and loved. He was the spitting image of his daddy with his shaggy light brown hair and soft hazel eyes. His attitude dead on. Gabe did what he wanted and said what he thought. He was a good kid but I could already tell when he got older I would be put through hell.

Not wanting to talk about Derek anymore I lied. “I’ll try. Let’s go home and sleep. I’m so tired.”

“What in the hell?” I yanked my phone off the nightstand to look at the time. A little after nine. Who would be at my house this early? The only people that would need to be here this early have a key. One of those people was still asleep next to me.

“Will you go answer the damn door? It’s too early for me to get up.” Leigha mumbled.

Flinging the sheet off of me, I stomped into the living room and jerked the front door open. There was a younger guy standing in front me, looking me up and down.

“Can I help you?” I asked, irritated.

“Are you Annie Holland?” The boy looked familiar but no way would I know someone as young as him.

“Depends. Who wants to know?”

The boy surpried the shit outta me when he said, “I like you.”

Scrunching my face I asked, “Excuse me?”

Smiling, the boy said, “Nevermind”-shaking his head he added- “I have a delivery for you.”

“I didn’t order anything.”

Rolling his eyes, he said, “You know, people can order stuff for you. You know, like as a surprise.” Leaning over the boy grabbed a huge vase of lillies I hadn’t noticed. “I was told to tell you to make sure you read the card. Have a nice day.”

Taking the flowers I mumbled my thanks and kicked the door shut. Shuffling into the kitchen I sat the vase on the counter and opened the card.

Hope you’re not feeling too bad this morning. Tequila can be a bitch. Asprin and Coffee helps.

“Leigha! Leigha Cole get your ass in here now!” I shouted as loud as I could.

Rubbing her eyes Leigha walked into the kitchen. Even first thing in the morning she looked gorgeous. “You better be dying right now.” Gorgeous, yes…pleasant, no.

“I think I might be. Look at this shit.” I stepped to the side so she could see on the counter behind me.

Blinking a few time, her jaw dropped. “Are those from him?” She took a few steps toward the counter, leaning in to smell them.

“Yes. That fucker! I can’t accept these. I’m taking them to work and shoving them in his face.”

Leigha still had her face in the flowers but looked at me out the side of her eyes. “Why? He’s just trying to be nice.”

Snorting, I said, “More like trying to get in my panties.”

“Eh, whatever. Flowers are flowers, and these are amazing. But, how did he know where you lived? Maybe he’s a stalker.”

They were pretty. “Leigha, he’s our boss. I’m sure he looked at my application. If I keep them he will get the wrong idea. Better to nip this in the ass and say goodbye to the pretty flowers so he knows I’m not interested.”

“Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. But still, you can keep the flowers and still tell him you’re not interested in anything other than being friends.”

“Leigha, I don’t even know the man. Well, he did tell me he was a single parent to his daughter, his wife died a few months ago. Other than that I know nothing. I don’t want to be his friend. He’s my boss.”

Her eyes lit up and she giggled, “Oh, it would be like a dirty, secret office romance.”

“Um, I’m just going to act like I didn’t just hear that.” Shoving the card back into the flowers I said, “I’m going to call your brother and see if he wants to meet me at the beach with Gabe. If you promise to keep your mouth shut you can come.”

Leigha held her hand up to her mouth and pretended she was zipping it shut then throwing the key away. “These lips are sealed.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Taking one last look at the flowers I started to walk away. Today I wouldn’t worry about Gage or his pretty flowers or his sky blue eyes or the way he smelled like walking sex or the way his smile made my stomach flip or how all I could think about was feeling him inside me or the very, very dirty dream I had about him. Nope, no Gage Tucker on my brain. Ha! Who was I kidding?

Stupid men.

I called Jase and we decided to meet at the beach at noon. When we pulled up I saw Jase’s car and Tristan’s truck already there. Inwardly groaning I turned my car off and grabbed my bag from the backseat with towels and sunblock. I didn’t want to be around him today. Gage already had my head in a clusterfuck. I really didn’t need Tristan trying to be my best friend.

“Mommy! Guess what I can do?” Gabe was running out of the ocean as I walked down the beach.

“Wipe your own ass?” I joked. Gabe loved Big Daddy, one of his favorite movies. Yeah, yeah I know what a horrible mom I am for letting him watch movies like that blah blah blah. He either hears it with me or from someone he doesn’t know.

Gabe laughed. “Well yeah mommy. And I still want my name to be Frankenstien but guess what else I can do?”

Bending down, I kissed the top of his head. He was always so happy on the beach. I asked, “What else, buddy?”

“Uncle Jase taught me the first verse of Sweet Home Alabama on the guitar.”

Looking up at Jase he winked. Bringing my attention back to my little boy I asked, “He did? I can’t wait to hear it.”

“Uncle Jase said he will teach me more tonight when you’re at work.”

“That sounds fun baby. I guess you had a lot of fun with Uncle Jase last night?”

Gabe nodded quickly. “Duh mommy. He also told me I can’t show my penis in public.”

“Well, yes he’s right, but why did he tell you that?” I started walking again.

“Tristan was watching some movie and the guy was showing all the girls his penis. And, you know what mommy? That guy had an earring in his penis. It was so gross. I don’t ever want an earring in my penis. The guy in the movie had a big penis, mommy. Why isn’t mine that big?”

My eyes were huge. I was frantically looking around to make sure no one was hearing my five year old repeatedly saying penis or talking about some guy’s penis peircing. Thankfully everyone was ignoring us.

I wanted to laugh but that wouldn’t be right. Instead I dropped to my knees to look Gabe in his eyes. “You don’t pay attention to Tristan, okay. He’s a bad boy. And from now on, lets not say penis in public.”

Wrinkling his nose, Gabe looked back at where the group of guys were sitting. “You don’t like him, huh?”

Why did my child have to be so damn perseptive? No sense in lying. “Nope, buddy, I don’t. He made a very bad mistake a long time ago and mommy can’t forgive him.”

“You tell me all the time if I say sorry you will forgive me. Maybe Tristan just needs to tell you sorry.” Gabe yanked his hands from mine and took off running back to the group. “Tristaaaaan!”

Great. I wanted to avoid him today. Now my son is going to have him trying to talk to me and be friends. I don’t want to be Tristan’s friend. I still wish Tristan would have been the one who died in the wreck, not Derek. I watched as Tristan smiled at my son and listened to every word he said. I may not like him, in fact I hate him, but he does love Gabe. The more Gabe said to Tristan, the more his smile faded. Tristan flashed his eyes to me. Standing, he brushed the sand off his hands and started walking toward me but stopped just a few feet away.

“Didn’t think I would see you until later.”

I froze. That voice. There it was again. I really didn’t want to deal with Gage, even more so than Tristan. This is not my damn day. “Why are you here?” I didn’t bother turning around. There was a small, albeit a teeny tiny part of me that wanted to run into Tristan’s arms and away from Gage. But, I didn’t. I stood frozen in place and watched as Tristan retreated back to our group of friends.

I heard Gage snicker. “It’s a public beach and last I checked, I’m the public.” His voice was getting closer.

“Oh. I thought with all your ball playing that you would be above all us common public folk.”

I couldn’t be sure, but I think he growled. He was right behind me now, his breath brushing my neck. “I’ve told you before, Annie, I don’t play with balls. I’m more than willing to show you.”

I needed to get away from him. He already had my heart racing and my brain mushing. “Didn’t I read something in the employee handbook about fraternizing with the help? Pretty sure if you show me your balls, that would be the definition of fraternize.”

“Not when I’m the boss.”

My gaurdian angels were watching over me. Jase and Ryker were walking in my direction. Thank you, thank you, thank you! When they were close enough Jase pulled me to him, spinning me so I was finally facing Gage. Wrapping his arm low on my waist he asked, “You going to introduce us to your friend?”

Was this man human? I was used to being around attractive guys. Gage made them all look homeless. He was shirtless, of course, why wouldn’t he be. It has already been established that today is not my day so why not kick Annie while she’s down? His black and green swim trunks were low on his hips showing his toned stomach. Letting my eyes slowly travel his body I saw all the tattoos on his arms, chest, and ribs. He looked like a walking story. I wanted to know what his tattoos were about. But, I would never ask.

Finally bringing my eyes to meet Gage’s I answered Jase, “Nope.”

That didn’t matter. Gage held his hand out, “I’m Gage Tucker, nice to meet you.”

Jase and Ryker introduced themselves. Ryker said, “You know, I bet Gabe would love to meet you. If you don’t care.” Snapping my head to Ryker I glared. He ignored me.

Gage smirked. “I would love to meet him. Let me check on my daughter then I will be over.”

“You have got to be kidding me right now, Ryker Duncan. I am trying to avoid this man not invite him into my life.”

Ryker played with his lip ring, almost looking sorry. “It’s not like I invited him to dinner, damn Annie. You know your son would love meeting him.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I pouted like a four year old. “But, I don’t want to!”

Jase and Ryker laughed. Jase said, “Now, now princess. No need to get your panties up your ass. You only have to play nice for a few minutes. If you’re a good girl I will buy you something shiney.”

“Humph. How about a nice shiney baseball bat so I can knock the shit outta you stupid men.” Stepping out of Jase’s hold I stomped to my son. Leigha and Lydia were sitting next to him, helping him build a sand castle.

“I saw owner man talking to you.” Leigha said, her voice a litle too happy for my liking.

“And twat biscuit over there,”- I pointed to Ryker- “invited him to play.” My voice laced with anger.

“Aw now be nice, Ms. Holland. What is that saying? ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’ I’m sure Ryker was just being friendly to your new male friend.”

“If that’s the saying I might as well have my voice box surgically removed now. Gage Tucker is not my friend. He is my boss. He is a conceited cock jockey.”

Gabe popped his head up. “You have a new friend, mommy?”

I ran my hand through his hair and said, “No, buddy.”

Lydia laughed. “On a first name basis, are we? How interesting. I don’t call my boss by his first name.”

Jase sat down beside Lydia, bumping her with his shoulder and joked, “No, it’s more like ‘Oh God’ or ‘Fuck Yes’.”

Leigha stuck her fingers in her ears and shut her eyes. “Eww eww eww! I don’t want to hear about my brother and his so called assistant like that.”

Leaning over Lydia kissed Jase. “Sorry, Le. Your brother is the best boss I’ve ever had.”

“Damn straight baby.” Jase winked.

“And speaking of best bosses, look who is walking this way. Oh my God! Look at that little girl he’s carrying.”

Taking my eyes off of Gabe I glanced at Gage. He was smiling and looking at his daughter. This Gage looked different from the Gage I had met last night or the Gage that was talking to me earlier. That Gage was rough, sexual. The Gage that was walking toward me looked soft, loving. And damn if my heartstrings weren’t being tugged.

“Hello, ladies,” Gage greeted us.

Huffing I sat back. He didn’t come over here for me. He came for Gabe. No need to talk to him. Gabe stopped packing the sand and looked up. His light green eyes sparkling. “My mommy doesn’t like you.”

That’s my boy.

Gage looked from Gabe to me. “Is that so? That’s a shame because I like your mommy. Maybe if you like me you could talk your mom into being my friend.”

Gabe gave me his watery grin and laughed. “She said you were a conceited cock jockey.”

Leigha, Lydia, and Jase busted out laughing. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. I chanced looking at Gage to see his reaction. Laughing. That ass nugget was laughing.

“I think we should be friends, little man. What do you say?” Gage asked. He sat his daughter in the sand next to my son. “This is Londyn. She likes to play in the sand, too.”

Gabe stared at the baby. “She’s cool as long as she doesn’t poop. I don’t change poopy diapers.”

And that my friends sealed the deal. Gabe and Gage were inseperable the rest of the afternoon. Which also meant, Gage and I were inseperable the rest of the afternoon, too.

I watched as Gage taught Gabe how to toss a football. Something felt different having Gage around. He seemed to fill that father figure role for mys on just fine and never blinked an eye.

…And I liked it.

Oh yeah, I was screwed.

17

Gage

“You know I play football, right?” I asked Gabe as he tossed the football back to me.

He nodded. “Yeah. My Uncle Jase likes football. We watch it a lot.”

“What would you say if I told you I could get you tickets to one of my games?” I watched as his eye lit up. His smile took over his face.

“Could I bring my mommy? I don’t think she would let me go by myself, I’m only five.” This kid was hilarious.

“Of course. You could bring your Uncle Jase, too, if you wanted. I will make sure you get to meet my team and you can even come into the locker room. Only the really cool kids get to do that.”

“No, I don’t think I want Uncle Jase to come. Just me and mommy.” Gabe smiled at me then looked at his mom.

She had Londyn in her lap, playing in the sand. Seeing Londyn with another woman who wasn’t Cobie or Jenna had my heart skipping. It shouldn’t feel right, but it did. Keeping my eyes on Annie I asked, “Your mom, does she hate most guys or just me?”

Gabe took a minute to think then said, “She hates Tristan. I think my mommy likes you, though.”

I knew it. This little kid was my way in to his mom. My plan was working perfect. “I don’t think so, buddy.” I was hoping he was right, but not getting ahead of myself.

“Gabe, come here. Mommy has to leave.”

Dropping the football in the sand, Gabe ran to his mom. “Gage told me we could go to his game!”

Just the mention of my name and Annie stiffened. “Well wasn’t that nice of him. But, we can’t baby. Mommy works on the weekends.”

I scooped the football up and walked over to Annie, Gabe, and Londyn. “Then you’re in luck. My game is on Monday.”

Annie’s dark blue eyes met mine. She didn’t look happy. “I probably have to work that Monday.” She dropped her eyes back to her son. “Why don’t you ask Uncle Jase to go, I bet he would love it.”

Gabe’s smile fell from his face. It looked like he could cry. “Why can’t you just miss work? I really want you to go, mommy.”

Annie sighed. “I’ll see what I can do buddy.”

“If you were scheduled to work, consider yourself approved to take off. ” I ruffled Gabe’s hair as I walked passed hi m to pick up Londyn.

“Um…thanks?” It sounded more like a question than an actually thank you but I ’ll take it.

“The game is on the fourteenth. Starts at seven thirty. I will have my car pick you up at your house. I ’ll get you a hotel room for the night. My car will bring you home Tuesday afternoon.”

“I am perfectly capable of driving there and back. It’s only a couple hours. We don ’t need to stay at some hotel when we have a house that I pay for.” She tossed a towel into her beach bag and pulled her sunglasses down, covering her eyes.

“I don’t want you driving that late at night, Annie. Think of your son and how tired you will be while trying to drive. Just accept my offer and make your son happy. ”

“Humph. Gabe, you’re so lucky I love you as much as I do. Fine. What time should I expect your car? And, by car you mean something normal like a Honda Civic and not some giant limo, right? ” She looked cute when she was aggitated.

Gabe high fived me and I laughed. “See, how hard was that? ”

Annie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “What kind of car, Gage?”

“I will make sure it’s nothing too flashy. No pink streched Hummer ’s, okay? ” This girl was hell bent on making things difficult.

“Whatever.” Annie scoffed. She bent down and kissed Gage on the cheek. “Love you buddy. Be good for Uncle Jase and remember what mommy said about Tristan. I will see you in the morning. ”

“I know. Stay away from Tristan. Love you mommy. ”

Annie came over to me and rubbed Londyn ’s cheek. “Bye sweet girl. Maybe we can play again, another day.” Londyn giggled and reached out for her. “Sorry, sweetie, I have to go to work.” Grabbing her tiny hands, Annie kissed them before turning and trekking her way back through the sand.

“OK, little man. I also have to go to work. I will see you in a few days though, okay?”

Gabe nodded. “I will talk mommy into getting me one of your jerseys so you can see me at the game. ” Little did he know during a game I couldn’t see anyone in the stadium. I smiled and said, “I will get you one and I will sign it for you. I will give it to your mommy to give to you. ”

“Maybe you could get her one, too. ” Gabe raised his eyebrows, looking hopeful.

“Do you think she would wear it?”

Shrugging he answered, “Probably. She always complains about not having clothes to wear. Now I won ’t have to listen to her complain.”

“Ok. Then I will get a jersey for her, also. I ’ll see you in a few days, buddy.”

“Bye, Gage.”

Walking back to were Jenna was sitting in the sand with Evie I had a smile on my face.

“She’s cute,” Jenna said bluntly.

Setting Londyn down beside Evie I watched the two small girls dig into the sand. “She is. I like her, but she won’t give me the time of day.” I shouldn’t care. But, I did. I was attracted to her.

“She seemed good with Londyn. Was that her little boy?” Jenna asked.

“Do we have to do this? I don’t want to play twenty questions. I like her and I shouldn’t. Five months, Jenna. That ’s it, but there is something about her that keeps drawi n g me to her like bess to honey .”

“Why shouldn’t you? Gage, look at me. ” Jenna put her hand on my arm, and I looked at her. “ She would want you to be happy. There is no time frame for mourning. You can still miss her and be sad. That doesn’t mean you have to pause your life for a certain amount of time. ”

I guess we were going to do this. Much to my disapproval. “I do miss her, everyday. But, there is something about Annie that makes the pain a little less. I ’m still trying to figure out what’s going on with her and her son. I know that today, spending time with Gabe, I felt the best I have in months. It felt right, like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. ”

Jenna had tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “Maybe, that’s because you are where you’re supposed to be. Watching you today, I saw the old Gage. I haven’t seen him in a long time. I loved seeing you smile and laugh.”

“This afternoon I was happy. Playing football with Gabe felt natural. Seeing Annie holding Londyn seemed like it should be an everyday thing.” I brought my eyes to my eight month old daughter. She was the spitting image of her mom. “’I asked them to the preseason game on Monday.”

“Well, are they going?” Jenna asked, excitedly.

“Yep. I’m having a car pick them up and drive them home. I’m also having her stay the night in New Orleans.”

Raising an eyebrow she asked, “With you?”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t even have a place there. I have just been staying at The Roosevelt when I need to. I’ll get them a suite for the night.”

Jenna slowly nodded. “Just take it slow, okay. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I’m not looking for a relationship, Jenna. Hell, I would take her being my friend. I married Cobie, that’s it for me.”

“Don’t use her either, Gage. I know what you become when you’re hurting. I’m not a blithering idiot. I know exactly what you did a few years ago. It’s my fault. I should have never said yes when you asked me to marry you. I was in love with Larkin. Deep down I always knew we would never get married. But, you sacrificed so much. I didn’t want to let you down. Then, I did. I chose Larkin. You shut me out, and drank like a fish, screwing anything that would drop her panties and spread her legs. Don’t go back to that.”

I knew my reputation as a man whore had gotten out. I didn’t know Jenna had blamed herself. I was waiting for the sting in my chest to come. Nothing. Not even a dull ache. I loved Jenna, always would, but I had moved on. “It wasn’t your fault. I knew you would chose him. I fooled myself into thinking that you were in love with me. And, for a little while I actually thought we would be a family. All it took was the look on your face when you saw Larkin holding Evie to know how wrong I had been. I wanted you to be happy and I knew that wasn’t with me. It hurt, I won’t lie. I handled it wrong. But, if I hadn’t then Londyn wouldn’t be here.” I curled a piece of her hair around my finger. “Cobie and I only wanted one night. It turned into so much more and I am so thankful for that. If it weren’t for Londyn,”- I sighed and shut my eyes- “If it wasn’t for her I don’t even want to think about the kind of person I would be today. She saved me. She changed me.”

Jenna rested her head on my shoulder. “Our pasts aren’t pretty, but that’s what makes us who we are today.”

She was right. I couldn’t change my past. Even if I could I wouldn’t want to. I couldn’t keep living in the ‘coulda, woulda shoulda’s’. I had to move on from the past. But that meant moving on from Cobie. I still wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Cobie gave me the greastest blessing in life and my life saver. I opened my eyes to look at Londyn. She had a mouth full of sand, giggling. She made my past worth every bit of hurt and anger I went through. She was worth more than anything. I would spend the rest of my life making sure she knew how much she meant to me. To her mom. To us.

Annie

What the hell did I agree to? Groaning, I opened my closet. What would one wear to a football game that she didn’t want to be at? Sweatpants and an old ratty tee shirt?

“I thought you didn’t care about this ‘stupid’ game?” Leigha asked from my bed

“I don’t.”

“Then why are you so worried about what you’re going to wear?”

“I’m not. Just trying to decided between my Van Halen shirt or my Pink Floyd shirt.” I held both shirts up and watched as my best friend wrinkled her nose. Lydia was sitting beside Leigha and shook her head.

“You are trying way too hard. If I didn’t know any better I would think someone in this room has a crush.” Lydia laughed.

“I don’t know why I am friends with you two.” I tossed the shirts at both the girls as they laughed.

Leigha caught the old shirt and held it up to her. She said mockingly, “My name is Annie. Look at me, everybody. I like making my life as difficult as possible and denying my lady bits of anything fun.”

“You two are fired. I am going to hire new best friends. Go home.”

“Oh, stop being such a party pooper. We are just trying to have a little fun with you.” Leigha commented.

Lydia climbed off my bed and walked over to my closet. “Here, we will help you find something so you don’t show up looking like some rockstar groupie from the era of bad fashion.” She started thumbing through my closet, pulling out different shirts and tossing them onto my bed. “You go get Gabe’s clothes packed and we will get you all taken care of. You only have an hour before the car is here.”

“Fine. But, I swear you two better not have me dressed like some cheap hoe. I will call Jase and make him go.”

“Would we ever do something like that?” Leigha asked innocently.

I rolled my eyes. “You heard me.” I marched out of my room and away from the tart twins.

Gabe was laying on the floor in the middle of his room coloring. “Hey, buddy. Are you excited for today?”

He didn’t look at me. Slightly lifting one shoulder he said, “Yeah, I guess.”

This was not my son. He had been so excited for the game. Now that it was here he was acting like he didn’t care if we went or not. I sat and crossed my legs out in front of me. “What’s going on? You were so exicted.”

He stopped coloring to look at me briefly then returned to his picture. “Gage said he would get me a jersey and sign it. I think he forgot about me.” The sadness on my sons face broke my heart. I’m sure to Gage, Gabe is just some little boy wanting a stupid jersey. But, to my son, Gage was like a living, breathing hero. He hadn’t stopped talking about him since that day on the beach. Sure, Gage was just being nice and inviting us to his game, but he shouldn’t have made a promise to my son then not followed through. I couldn’t tell my baby that though. So, I lied.

“He’s very busy, Gabe. You should be thankful that you get to go to his game, with or without his jersey.”

Gabe huffed and puffed before saying, “Is it time to go?”

“Almost. Is that what you want to wear?” I pointed to the clothes he had picked out this morning. For a five year old boy, the kid had syle. He had on black, grey, and maroon plaid shorts with a grey polo shirt. He looked like a mini Scott Disick. Obviously my son was a lot cuter, though.

He nodded. “Yeah. Is that okay, mommy?”

“Yes, sir. You look very handsome.”

Gabe laughed. “Thank you ma’am.”

I loved this kid. “I’m going to pack your bag for tonight. Anything special you want to take?”

“Don’t forget my underwear. You forgot them last time I stayed with Uncle Jase.”

Oops. “Sorry. Mommy has been a little distracted lately.”

“Yeah, I noticed. Want to talk about it?” What the hell? When did my son become a therapist?

“It’s grown up stuff, bud. Nothing fun.”

Gabe dropped his crayon and turned serious. “I am five years old. That is a whole hand. I think I can handle it, mom. I have learned a lot in my years. I’m getting smart in my old age.”

Seriously, kid? “Where did you learn to talk like that? Are you five or seventy five? You sound like a little old man?”

Rolling his eyes he answered, “Mom, I have been around for five years. You learn a lot when you listen to people who don’t know you are paying attention.”

Little shit. “Gabriel Derek Holland. You do not eaves drop. You know that.”

“I can’t help if people talk and I can hear them.” He did have a point.

“I wish you weren’t so smart.” I ruffled his hair and said, “You need to start cleaning up and make your bed.” Gabe grumbled but started putting his crayons back in the box.

After packing his bag I went back to my room to see what kind of mess my friends had created. Laying on my bed was a pair of white shorts with an off the shoulder sheer black shirt with subtle silver sparkles and a grey camisole. I was surprised. The outfit was cute and made me look like a mom and not a hooker. I was expecting more hooker, less mom.

Lydia handed my my suitcase.  “You’re all packed. Now get changed. Leave your hair down and go simple with your makeup.”

Quirking one eyebrow I bounced my eyes between my friends. “What are y’all up to?”

“Nothing. Get ready. The car will be here soon.” Leigha shoved me into the bathroom.

“Car’s here, mommy.” Gage yelled from the living room.

“Okay, I’m coming buddy.” Grabbing our suitcases I walked into the living room. “Ready?”

Gabe smiled, looking a little better than he did earlier. “Yeah. Bye Aunt Le. Bye Aunt Lydia.” Gabe hugged both woman before opening the front door.

“See you two tomorrow,” I sulked.

Leigha smacked my butt. “Go have fun and get crazy. It’s football, baby!”

Twirling my hand around sarcasticly, I muttered, “Woohoo.”

There was an older, pudgy man waiting at the car. “Good afternoon, Ms. Holland, Mr. Holland. My name is Pat, I will be your driver today.” He took our bags and opened the door. “Mr. Tucker requested a booster seat, will that be okay with you ma’am?

He did put some thought into this. “Yes, thank you.” Sliding into the back seat I helped get Gabe buckled up then clicked myself in.

Once our bags were stowed, Pat took his spot in the drivers seat. Handing me two bags he said, “These are for you Ms. Holland.”

Taking the bags I smiled. “Oh. Um, okay. Thanks.” Looking at the bags I saw Gabe’s name written on one and my name on the other. I sat Gabe’s bag in his lap. “You go first.”

Ripping the tissue paper off the top he pulled out a grey and black jersey. “Look mom! He didn’t forget!” He was so excited. Holding it up Gabe said, “He’s number seven, mommy.” He turned the jersey around so I could see the number on the back. It wasn’t the number that surprised me, it was what was over the number that had me smiling.

Tucker’s Boy

Something so simple. “What does it say mommy?”

“Tucker’s Boy.” I pointed to his signature on the side of the sleeve. “Look he signed it for you, also.”

“Wow! That is so cool! Now everyone will know Gage is my friend.” Gabe looked estatic. Even when he was playing the guitar he didn’t look this happy. Turning his glowing face to me, he asked, “What did you get, mommy?”

Turning my attention to my bag I saw a card sticking out of the top. I read it out loud to Gabe.

Annie & Gabe,

Sorry the jersey’s were late. They took longer than I expected. Wear them and enjoy them.

Pat will be taking you to an early dinner before the game. It has all been paid for so go crazy. Pat also has your tickets for the game. Hope you like the seats. Gabe, yell loud so I can hear you. I will see you later, buddy.

Love, Gage

“I knew he wouldn’t forget. I really, really like him mommy.”

This could end bad. I didn’t want Gabe getting too attached then Gage breaking his heart. But, I didn’t want to tell Gabe he couldn’t be friends with Gage, either, Gage is the first guy besides Jase that he has really clung to.

“Are you going to see what Gage got you, mommy?” Shaking my head, I sat the card beside me. I removed the tissue paper and found a Saints jersey of my own. Pulling it out I really hoped he hadn’t went through the trouble of putting something special on the back of mine. I didn’t want people assuming anything was between Gage and I. “What does your’s say?”

Turning it around to look at the back I wanted to scream.

Tucker’s Girl

No way in hell was I going to wear this.

18

Annie

I wore it. All it took was one look from Gabe and I was a goner. How had such a small human claimed so much control over me, I’ll never know.

“That’s the lady from the beach. The one Gage was talking to after you left.” Gabe pointed down the aisle are tickets had us sitting in. We were on the fifty yard line, right behind the Saints bench, two rows up. I had to give Gage credit, our seats were badass.

“Maybe that’s his girlfriend.”

Gabe scrunched his face. “No, I don’t think so. He likes you. He told me.”

Of course he did. “Hmm. You know you’re the only man for mommy. I don’t like Gage like he likes me.”

“Not even if he makes you dinner and puts the toilet seat down?”

I looked down at my green eyed boy and pursed my lips. “Not even then. Lets get our seats and wait for the game to start.”

As we walked down the aisle, the girl Gabe had said was at the beach stood and gave us a big smile. When we reached her she held her hand out, “Hi, I’m Jenna. Gage’s best friend.”              She was cute and seemed nice. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad.

“Hi. I’m Annie” I shook her hand then pointed to my son who was watching the players on the field in awe. “That is my son, Gabe.”

Gabe didn’t take his eyes off the field. He waved his hand around as his hello. Jenna grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. “You’ve got to be shitting me?”

Maybe I was wrong. “Excuse me?” Turning around I looked at her.

She shook her head and tossed her hands in the air. “I told that ass not to put Tucker’s Girl on your jersey. I figured that would freak you out and scare you away. He likes you, a lot. I don’t want him ruining it before anything happens, ya know?”

I stood there. That’s all I could do. My mouth wide open. Gabe yanked on my arm. “Look mommy, I see Gage. I see him! He’s throwing the football.”

Jenna knelt down to Gabe’s level. “Do you know what position he plays?”

Gabe smiled and nodded fast. “Yep. He’s the quarterback.”

“He’s not just any quarterback. He’s the best quarterback. He used to play football with my husband when they were in college.”

Gage took that moment to look up in the stadium seating and wave. He said something to the few guys who were standing around him, who then all turned and looked in our direction. This made Gabe’s already large smile grow even bigger. I was beginning to think his cheeks were going to split from his smile. I had never seen my baby so happy. And, I had Gage to thank for that. As much as I hated to admit it, he made my little boy happy. Happier than I had ever seen him.

“Hey buddy, do you want anything to eat or drink before the game starts? I’m sure things will get crazy once the game is going on.”

Gabe shook his head and watched the football sailing through the air. “No thanks, mommy.”

“Today shouldn’t be too bad since it’s a pre-season game. It’s the regular season or the playoff games that can get a little crazy.” Jenna sat back down in her seat.

Taking a seat next to her, I asked, “Does your husband still play?”

Her eyes sparkled and she grinned. “He does. He plays for the San Diego Chargers. Normally, I would be with him, but Larkin and I agreed I needed to be here for awhile. Just to make sure everything with Gage was okay. He has been through a lot in the last year.” Her eyes showed sadness as she flashed them to Gage.

“He told me about his wife. I feel horrible for him. I know how he feels. I was in his shoes when Gabe was born.” I glanced at Gabe to make sure he wasn’t listening. He had never asked and I have never told him exactly why his dad isn’t around.

Jenna looked perplexed. “Gage told me you were a single parent. Do you mind me asking, how?”

Keeping my focus on Gabe I answered, “His father was killed when I was five months pregnant. He and a few guys we went to high school with were in a band. After a show one night they all decided it would be wise to get high before driving home. Derek was in the car with two of his best friends when they crashed. Derek was killed instantly.”

Jenna sat with her hand hovering over her mouth. “I am so sorry. But, can I say one thing. Gage likes you. If you’re not ready, don’t play with him. He has been hurt too many times. Talk to him. Maybe tell him you just want to be friends. I don’t want to see him get hurt, again, by another girl.”

Sighing, I looked at her. “I like him, more than I want to admit. But, I don’t know how to move forward. Derek is the only man I know. I haven’t even been on a date since he died. Then, one night, I literally run into Gage. I was instantly attracted to him. Watching him and Gabe the other day on the beach made me realize how much Gabe is missing out on by not having a father. That’s not fair to my son. I wish I could tell you how I felt. I wish I knew, myself. I have all these feelings going through my head that haven’t been there in six years. I was seventeen when I lost the person I thought I was going to marry.”

Jenna offered me a sad smile. “I completely understand. My past is fucked up too. I just ask that you tell Gage what you just told me. I think you both could use a friend, and who knows, maybe something special will come from it.”

I think I like her.

“Mommy, I have to pee.” Gabe stood in front of me doing the famous ‘potty dance’. Leave it to my child.

“Okay, let’s go. I think I saw bathrooms on our way in.” Grabbing Gabe’s hand I shuffled us through the crowds of people who were starting to fill the stadium. Thankfully there wasn’t a line at the bathroom. We got back to our seats just in time for kick-off.

Holy shit! Why wasn’t I warned as to how loud football can be? My ears were ringing and my head was pounding. Gabe was loving it. That made my pain worth it.

“Ruuuun Gage!” Gabe was screaming beside me, standing on his seat.

The lady behind him chuckled. “He is too cute.”

Turning my head to see her, I said, “Thank you. He loves football.” The energy in the stadium was consuming. It sucked you in. You couldn’t be here and not scream. The giants, who Jenna described as defensive lineman, were charging at Gage. I jumped to my feet, chewing my nails. I yelled, “Don’t touch him! You’re going to hurt him!” Yep, that was me. I know next to nothing about the sport. Safe bet, Gabe knows more than me.

Jenna stopped screaming a slew of profanities and looked at me. Her body was shaking from laughter. “You do know he will get hit, right?”

I shook my head. “No. I just thought he threw a ball to a guy who ran and would hopefully get across the line before the other giants tackled him.”

Jenna shut her eyes and slowly shook her head. “Oh, sweet baby Jesus.” She popped open her eyes and said, “I have a lot to teach you. Will you be my friend?”

I knew she was joking, but still, something inside me was jumping up and down. “Only if you promise not to make fun of me. This is actually my first football game, ever. I told you, Gabe’s dad was in a band.”

Holding her pinky out she said, “Pinky promise.”

And, just like that we were friends.

I am happy to report that the Saints won, thirty three to twelve. When the game was over Jenna said, “Follow me. Gage told me to bring you to the family room.”

“Family room?” I asked. I made sure Gabe was holding my hand tight as we weaved in and out of people.

“It’s where the family and friends of the players can wait for them to shower and change.” It was too loud and she probably wouldn’t hear me so instead of replying I just followed her. She stopped when we reached a large metal door. She typed in a code and opened the door.

The large room was buzzing with people. “Jenna, I didn’t think you would be here.” The tall, gorgeous blonde was looking Jenna up and down.

Jenna turned to ice. Her warm eyes where like stone. “Gage and Trent are my friends. Besides, I thought Trent tossed you to the trash, again.”

“Don’t be silly, darling. We both know Trent and I will end up together. Why stop the inevitable?”

Jenna was either choking on vomit or really despised this girl. I’m going with the latter. “We both know Trent will never marry you. Don’t kid yourself. He’s using you for one thing and since your so obviously willing to drop and bend for any man, why wouldn’t he keep you around for that?”

This was getting interesting. Gabe, thankfully, had made his way to the large snack table in the corner. I watched as Jenna and the girl I dubbed ‘football floozie’ went back and forth. I was waiting for someone to step in but both women were smiling at each other. To the general eye they looked like two friends catching up. They were anything but.

“Excuse me, is there a Gabe Holland in here?” A lady wearing a headset asked.

Gabe jumped up and down. “That’s me!”

The lady paraded her away across the room to my son. I was not about to let him go alone. “Excuse me. I’m his mom. Why do you need him?”

She held her finger up and closed her eyes, listening to her headset. “I know. Tell him to chill. I have the boy and his mom. We are on our way.”

“Sorry about that. Mr. Tucker has requested you and Gabe be brought to the media room.” She turned and started walking back to the door she had just came through before waiting for my approval.

Glancing at Jenna to make sure she hadn’t punched football floozie in the face, she smiled at me and waved. She must have known Gage had this planned.

“Now that we are out of that madness, hi, I’m Amy. I am one of the team assistants.”

Gabe and I both said hello as we followed her down a cinderblock hallway. I could see a room at the end that was filled with people and cameras. At the front of the room was a long table with a giant New Orleans Saints poster behind it.

“If you two don’t mind going right over there and taking a seat I will inform Mr. Tucker that you are here.” She pointed to a few chairs off to the side.

Who I’m assuming were the coaches were sitting at the table feilding questions from the reporters. Seemed intense. The constant flashing was giving my already pounding head a strobe migraine. It looked like we were in a nightclub.

There was a hand on my shoulder. My skin was burning. “How did you like the game?” Gage asked more to Gabe than me.

“I was screaming. Did you hear me?” Gabe asked, excited.

Gage gave a lopsided grin and said, “I sure did, buddy. Why do you think I played so good?”

“Mommy was yelling too.” Gabe ratted me out.

Gage took a seat beside Gabe and smirked. “She did?”

Gabe was kicking his feet back and forth. “Yes. She was worried you were going to get hurt. She was yelling at that defense who was trying to sack you.”

Sack? I thought it was a damn tackle. Geez, I really didn’t know anyting.

Gage put his arm on the back of Gabe’s chair, letting his fingers rub slightly on my arm. “Did you inform her that they were supposed to try and sack me?”

Shaking his head, he said, “Nope, but your friend Jenna told her. She’s pretty.”

Gage laughed. “She is. She is my very best friend. We have been friend since we were younger than you.”

“That’s a long time. I think you need a new best friend.” I was praying my son did not say I could be his new friend. I sighed in relief when he said, “I can be your new best friend. I’m the coolest kid my mom knows, huh mom?” I nodded.

“I am in luck. Jenna will be leaving soon and my best friend spot will be open. Good thing we met.”

“…And the star of tonights game, Gage Tucker.”

Camera’s turned in our direction as Gage ruffled Gabe’s hair and stood. The flashing comenced. It followed Gage all the way to the table at the front of the room.

“Mr. Tucker, after having a rough year, could you please tell us what had you playing so well tonight?” An older reporter asked.

Gage looked in our direction. “That’s easy. It’s all because of my best friend, Gabe.” He winked then turned his attention back to the reporters. “My offensive line held the other guys back, giving me freedom to play around and scan before just throwing the ball and hoping it landed in the right guys hands. I had a few runs, but we all know I am a passing kinda QB.”

Gabe was won over. To say that he loved Gage would be an understatment. My son was obsessed. My layers were slowly melting away and I was liking him more and more.

Gabe and I sat watching Gage answer question after question for thirty minutes. “I think that is enough for tonight.” Gage scooted his chair back and sauntered away from the table. It was hard not to watch. The guys looks demanded attention.

“Ready to see the locker room?”

Gabe jumped from his chair and grabbed Gage’s hand. “Yes!”

“I think I’ll stay here. I have no interest in seeing gym socks and jock straps.”

Gabe tilted his head. “Hey, there is towels and a few half naked womans pictures in there, as well.”

“My point exactly. No interest. Watch my son and don’t let him see anything dirty.” I kissed Gabe’s cheek and reminded him to stay with Gage.

I watched as the two boys walked off, hand in hand. From behind they could pass as father and son. That stung a little. That also had my heart fluttering. I wasn’t sure which was worse.

Pat opened the car door. We were at The Roosevelt Hotel in New Orleans. This wasn’t no Holiday Inn. Gage spent a lot for us to stay here. “Mr. Tucker apologizes for not waiting outside but it’s a little difficult for him to be in public. I was told to tell you to go to the second floor and he will be waiting.” Pat handed our bags to the concierge. “Have a wonderful night, Ms. Holland. I will see you tomorrow afternoon.”

Picking up a sleeping Gabe I said, “Thank you, Pat. I hope you have a great night.”

The doorman opened the door and I was in awe. I felt like royalty. There were golden columns lining the walkway with giant crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. This was the rich and famous lifestyle I would never have.

I wanted to walk around and take it all in, but carrying a sleeping fifty pound boy didn’t make that very plausible. Instead, I made my way to the elevator and hit the second floor. Stepping off the elevator I looked around for Gage. The hall was empty.

Just as I found a chair to sit down Gage rounded the corner. “There you are. Oh, is little man asleep?”

“Yes. He fell asleep right after we left the game.”

Gage reached for him. “Here, let me take him.” I wasn’t going to complain. The kid was heavy and I was tired.

Walking down the hall in semi comfortable silence I was about to tell him thank you for the tickets when a gorgeous red head came bounding up to us. “Oh my God, you’re Gage Tucker!”

Gage looked down at the girl. “That’s me.”

“There’s a party in my room tonight. Want to add to the fun?” The red head asked. Her sugar sweet voice making me sick.

I tried to hide my mix of gagging and laughing, but I failed. Gage winked at me before saying to the girl, “I’m trying to get my boy in bed. So, if you would excuse us.” Side stepping the girl we walked two doors down and Gage slid in his keycard, unlocking the door.

I opened the door for him. I thought the lobby was swanky. Shit, that had nothing on the room itself. There was a large couch and loveseat positioned in the middle of the room facing a large flat screen television mounted on the wall. Against the wall was a desk, looking out the window. Opposite the desk was a six person dining table, mini fridge, and coffee bar. There were two doors beside the coffee bar, both open letting me see it was a bedroom and what could be maybe a conference room or office. There was a short hall that ended in the master suite.

“You didn’t have to get a two bedroom. Gabe and I could have shared a bed.”

Gage stopped, watching me. “This is my suite. You and Gabe will be in there” -he pointed to the room on the left- “and I will be in there.” He pointed down the hall.

“Oh.” We would be sharing a hotel room? Not what I expected.

“Don’t worry. I will be a total gentleman. You and Gabe even have your own bathroom. You won’t see me unless you want to. I’m going to lay him in bed.”

Gage walked into my room and gently laid Gabe on the bed. I kissed his head and whispered I loved him. I turned and came face first with Gage’s chest. His very hard, tattooed chest.

“Oh, sorry,” I mumbled.

Gage gripped both my arms and looked into my eyes. “Can we talk? Please?”

I could feel the electricity his touch was sending through my body. Waves of want crashing on me. “Sure.”

19

Gage

Running my hands down her arms I grabbed her hands and pulled her out of her room. I had to get her out of there. Too many dirty thoughts were running through my head. Leading her to the couch I sat down, pulling her with me. She made sure to leave adequate distance between us.

Now that I had her alone I was tongue-tied. I wasn’t sure what to say. I adjusted uncomfortably on the couch. I gave up and stood, padding to the mini fridge. “Want a beer?” I asked over my shoulder.

“Sure.”

Grabbing two beers, I popped the tabs and made my way back to the couch and sat a few feet away from her. She kept her head facing forward as I handed her the beer. We both took a long pull. She turned her emerald green eyes to me. “What do you want, Gage?”

What I really wanted was her. I wanted her naked and in my bed. I wanted that jersey she was wearing to hold true meaning. There was something about her that had my heart racing, but at the same time my head was telling me to slow the fuck down. I wasn’t ready. I was looking for someone to fill a huge hole in my life. Cobie couldn’t be replaced. Annie was the first beautiful woman I had seen. Being the proud owner of a dick, it reacted the way any other dick would. I was human and I loved sex. I missed it.

“I want to know why you hate me.” There, we would use that as a starting point.

Annie shifted her eyes around the room, repositioning herself as she did. She scooted further away and tucked her legs underneath her. Physically, she looked comfortable. Mentally, she couldn’t have looked more uncomfortable. My hand was twitching to touch her. I entwined my hands and held on tight to my beer bottle, stopping myself from looking like a fucking idiot.

She finally sighed and said, “Gage, I don’t hate you. I don’t really know you well enough to hate you.”

“You certainly don’t like me.” I looked straight ahead at the wall. I propped my feet on the coffee table and waited….

And waited…

And waited…

Finally the green eyed goddess spoke, “I like you. Too much for my comfort and that scares me. I didn’t think I would literally run into some guy at work one night and never stop thinking about him. I wasn’t prepared for that. I’m not ready for that.”

Trying to hide my excitement, I took another swig of my beer and I asked, “You couldn’t stop thinking about me, huh?” That earned me a brief smile before tears were filling her eyes. Fuck. I hated when females cried. I didn’t mean to make her cry. What did I say that made her turn to tears? “Shit, Annie. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry. I was just trying to make a joke out of something serious. I meant to make you laugh and clearly those are not tears of laughter.”

She wiped away the few tears that escaped. Rotating so she was facing me, she worried her top lip. “Your friend Jenna talked to me earlier,” She whispered. I nodded and she continued, “She told me I should tell you what I told her. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, though.”

“Conclusions? About what?” I knew exactly what she was talking about. I wanted to hear her say it.

Suddenly the beer bottle on her lap became very interesting as she answered me, “Us.”

“It’s no secret how much I like you, Annie.”

“I know. But, I don’t know what you want from me.” She looked at me through her lashes.

Pulling my bottom lip into my mouth, I watched her eyes go wide and her breathing accelerate. I was making her nervous. She made me nervous. I wanted to tell her the truth. “I don’t know what I want, to be honest. I know I like you and just thinking about you has a smile forming on my face. But, it has only been five months since my wife died.”

“How long were you married?” Annie’s voice was so soft.

“Two days shy of one month. Our relationship isn’t the usual love story. It was our own crazy, written in the moment novel that ended too soon.” I could see all the questions Annie had written all over her face. I could tell she wanted to ask, but didn’t want to upset me. “My wife, Cobie, is...err was, my best friends little sister. She was the line I shouldn’t have crossed. At the time we were both hurting. I guess you could say we used each other. She was supposed to be a one night stand. She ended up pregnant with our daughter, Londyn. When her brother found out he wanted to kill me. Which is ironic. Her older brother is Larkin. He is married to Jenna. He essentially did the same thing to me a few years ago with Jenna. I won’t go into details, because that’s not my story and Larkin makes Jenna happy.”

I chanced a look at Annie. She had moved around again. This time she had her knees at her chest with her arms wrapped around them, her beer dangling in one hand, and her chin resting on her knees. “I’m so sorry, Gage.” Her eyes full of sincerity.

I lifted one shoulder and brought the bottle to my mouth again, empting the contents. “Anyway, Cobie and I decided we wanted our daughter to have a stable, loving home. I bought a house in her hometown and we made a home. I fell in love with her. Could I say, if it wasn’t for Londyn, would we still have fell in love? I don’t know, and never will. When she was five months pregnant we found out she had cancer. Her options were terminate the pregnancy, which meant inducing early labor and going through all the motions of having a baby, but not taking our baby home. Or, having our family and Cobie losing her life. Cobie made the decision before her doctor was finished telling us our options.”

I heard Annie’s audible intake of breath. “Oh my God, Gage. That is horrible.”

“I was so fuckin’ pissed in the beginning. Then Cobie made me realize there was nothing I could do. I had to accept it. It still hurts and I still struggle. I still have my moments of anger, but I know Cobie is with us.”

Annie took a drink of her beer. “I wish I could be a little more like you.” She gave a sad smile over her bottle.

“Really? Why’s that?” I figured I was the last person she wanted to be like.

“I’ve never talked about this before.” Her eyes started tearing up again.

“You don’t have to. I told you what I did so you would know where I was coming from. I like you, but I’m not looking for anything serious. I just want to have fun again.”

“I was almost six months pregnant when Gabe’s dad was killed.” Annie stared off into empty space.

“Wait, what?”

Shaking her head, Annie looked at me. “Huh?”

“I don’t want to dig, but I thought that Tristan guy was Gabe’s dad.”

The disgust that took over Annie’s face let me know how wrong I was before she opened her mouth. “Fuck no! I hate him. He is the reason Gabe doesn’t have a father.” Shutting her eyes she took a deep breath. “Jase and Tristan have a band with a couple other guys. Gabe’s dad, Derek, was in the band. They had a show one night at some bar about an hour away.” I saw a tear fall from her eye. Reaching up I used my thumb and brushed it away. Flinching, Annie opened her eyes. “After the show the guys thought it would be smart to get high before driving home. Derek knew he was going to be a father. Hell, we said once I turned eighteen we would get married. That never happened. Tristan wrecked his Mustang, killing Derek instantly. Leaving me alone, seventeen and pregnant, to raise our son.”

And here I thought what I went through was bad. At least I had the gift of time. Time to spend with Cobie and make memories I would never forget. To cherish her and our family. At the time I thought I was going through hell. In reality, I was married to someone I loved, we had a beautiful healthy baby, my career was great, and I was surrounded by the ones I loved. Annie lost everything without warning.

“What about your parents? Didn’t they help you?”

Annie shook her head once. “No idea who my father is. Last I heard Vicky, or my mom, if that’s what you want to call her was in jail for drugs. I haven’t talked to her since I was fifteen.” Laying her head back on the arm rest, she used her empty hand to rub her eyes. “I have a sister, Heather, two years younger than I am. When we were little we bounced from foster home to foster home. We were separated and since she was only six at the time a family eventually adopted her. I ended up with a foster family that lived next to my best friend. They never adopted me, but I stayed there until I found out I was pregnant.”

I was at a loss for words. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was or how I could only imagine how she felt. I knew they were just words. They did nothing to ease the pain. The ache was still there. People could talk until they were blue in the face and had a raw throat, nothing helped. This was something you had to deal with on your own.

Leaning up I saw her eyes were shut. Her lips were slightly spread open. I wanted to kiss her. Before thinking myself out of it, I leaned over her and pressed my lips against hers. Her eyes flashed opened. Just as I thought she was going to push me away she dropped her beer on the floor and let her legs straighten. Running my tongue across her bottom lip, I gently sucked it into my mouth and nipped it before taking over her mouth. She tasted like a mix of beer and mint.

Letting my body weight press her into the couch I shoved my hands into her hair. The little moans that were escaping her were pushing me closer and closer to doing something I was sure neither of us were ready for. I wanted her. Bad. The fact was, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to want her. Mentally I was telling myself to stop. My cock on the other hand was up and ready to show off.

Breaking the kiss, I lifted my head. “Annie, if you don’t want this to go any further then we need to stop. I’m starting to lose my control.”

Slowly opening her eyes, Annie was breathing heavy. “What if I said I wanted you to lose your control?” She ran her teeth over her top lip. Fuck. That was hot as hell.

“Are you sure? I mean, are you ready?” Am I ready?

She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Yes. Please. I want this.”

I didn’t want to disappoint her. “Not out here. I don’t want to wake Gabe up.”

Annie smirked. “A little sure of yourself are you?”

Raising an eyebrow, I quipped, “Yep.” I stood and lifted her into my arms.

Making the short walk to my room I laid her on my giant bed. She looked nervous. Maybe she wasn’t as ready as she thought. Or, maybe it was me that was nervous. “Annie, we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”…or anything that I’m not sure I’m ready for.

“I’m not going to say no, Gage. I have wanted you since the night in your bar. I was afraid. I don’t want to get attached and get hurt again.”

Lying beside her, I reached for her hand. “I’m not making promises, Annie. I’m not ready for promises and futures. I like you, right now. That’s all I can offer.”

Turning her head to face me, she said, “I learned six years ago that you have to live in the moment. I have been too scared until you. Something about you makes me want to live.”

Digging into my pocket, I adjusted myself and pulled my iPod out. I hit shuffle and tossed it on the nightstand. Scooting back to Annie I slid my hand under the hem of her shorts. I felt her stop breathing. “You gotta breathe, baby. You won’t be much fun if you pass out from lack of oxygen.”

Annie had a nervous smile and tried to laugh. “Sorry. It’s just been awhile.”

“I know what you mean.”

Scrunching her face, she said, “No, I don’t think you do.”

Popping the button on her shorts and pulling the zipper down, I slipped my hand under her light pink lace thong. I felt her smooth, silky skin. “What do you mean?”

Annie’s cheeks heated. “Have you had sex within the last six years?”

I gave her a look that said “duh” and nodded my head. “Oh. Oh! You haven’t fucked anyone since Derek?” I asked incredulously.

She shut her eyes and bit down on her bottom lip. “No.”

Keeping my hand in her panties but not moving, I demanded, “Look at me.”

Peeking at me she mumbled, “Let me guess, I can go now?”

Smiling at how adorable she looked, I shook my head. “No. I want you right here. But, why me?”

Annie fully opened her eyes. “I told you. You make me want to live. I don’t know why, but I feel safe with you. I feel alive. When you’re around I don’t hurt so much. Like you said, though, I’m not ready for anything special. I just want to find myself again and live. Have fun.”

“I am happy to help.” I flashed her a grin and brought my mouth to hers. I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing but for right now I’m turning my brain off. I liked the way Annie made me feel.

Slipping my hand the rest of the way into her panties I felt just how alive I made her. Which also made my shorts that much tighter. “Yeah, I would say you’re alive. Damn, baby.”

Annie pulled my head back to her. She took control of the kiss, moving her mouth with reason, purpose. I felt her hand sliding down my side and into the waistband of my shorts and boxers. My body jerked when her warm hand grabbed my dick. Her touch singeing me.

She broke the kiss, her eyes where huge. “What’s wrong?”

Pulling both her lips between her teeth, she glanced between us. “Um. I d-don’t think…I don’t think this will work.”

Trying not to let my frustration show, I pushed myself up onto my arms. “Just a few minutes ago you were all for it.”

She shook her head and palmed my erection. “This. I don’t think it will work. Like, fit. Inside me. You know what I mean?”

Not that I look at other guys junk or compare sizes, but I was happy with what I had. There had never been any complaints. Just hearing Annie’s true concern had my cock twitching. Fighting my laughter, I said, “It will fit. Trust me.”

Letting out a sigh, she slowly nodded in agreement. Standing, I pulled her shorts and thong off. I let them fall to the floor before taking my shorts and boxers off, dropping them next to her discarded clothes. Pulling my shirt over my head I stopped when I saw her mouth wide open, one eyebrow arched. “What?” I asked, dropping my shirt.

She snapped her mouth shut and swallowed. “I’ve just um…I’ve never seen so many muscles on one person. Not that I really check out a lot of guys but to go from nothing to”- she motioned up and down my body- “that. Shit!”

Grinning, I crawled over her until we were face to face. “And I plan to use every one of these muscles.” Not waiting for her reply I kissed her hard. Using my tongue to explore her mouth. Using my legs I pushed hers open. With one hand I rubbed over her swollen bud. She raised herself up and released my mouth just long enough to pull her shirt, which just so happened to be my jersey, over her head. Crashing my lips back to hers I quickly unsnapped her bra and with my free hand and tossed it the floor.

Running kisses down her neck, I stopped to inhale her soft vanilla scent. Continuing down her neck I made my way to her taut, pink nipple. I sucked it into my mouth and lightly nibbled on it. She let out a soft moan and shoved her hands into my hair. Using her fingers she massaged my scalp as I used my fingers to massage her warm, wet pussy.

I pulled my hand away from her. I grabbed my throbbing cock and placed it at her opening. Slowly, I started pushing into her slick heat. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit down on her bottom lip, hard.

“Too much?”

She shook her head. Pulling in a deep breath, she said, “No. Oh God. Don’t stop.”

“Hurt.” I meant it as a question but it was more of a statement.

“No. More uncomfortable. I’ll be okay.”

I slid to the hilt. Not moving I kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m going to move.” I started pulling out when she was grabbing the sheets around us, her body arching off the bed.

“Oh my God! Holy fuck!” She yanked the pillow from beside her head and covered her face. Drowning out her cries.

That didn’t take long. I guess that old saying is true. No pain, no gain. I pulled the pillow from her face. Her cheeks were flushed. Her pupils dilated. Her breathing heavy. “Why did you cover your face?”

“Gabe. I didn’t want to wake him. I don’t know how well he would take to walking in here seeing his mommy impaled by your unhumanly large penis.”

Laughing, I said, “He’s at the opposite side of the suite. No way will he hear you. I want to see your face when you get off.”

“Next time?” She coughed out.

“Yep. This isn’t a one night thing, Annie. Obviously we don’t want anything serious, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be special friends.”

“You want me to be your fuck buddy?”

Lifting my eyebrows I searched her face. “For lack of better words, yeah, you could call it that.”

She shifted under me, my cock sliding back into her. Her breath caught. “Deal.”

Gorilla by Bruno Mars filled the room. How apt. Not letting my dick fully slide into her, I pulled out and quickly slammed into her. I repeated the process a few more times before Annie’s eyes grew dark, her breathing labored. And that’s how I found out she was mutli orgasmic. Seeing her face twist with pleasure and hearing her saying my name had me losing it. My body went jagged, jerking at its own accord.

I rolled to my side and let out a wary breath. Pulling the blanket over our naked bodies, I stared at the ceiling. “I have a question.”

Annie lifted herself, resting her head on her hand. “What?”

“What does your tattoo mean?” I ran my hand along her lower hip and back where the ink was.

“She flies with her own wings. I got it when I was sixteen. One of Derek’s friends that was in the band with him is a tattoo artist. Not that I was a stoner like the other guys, but one night we were all smoking and Kamp decided he was going to give me a tattoo. I found the quote and Kamp permanently put it on my skin. Little did I know just how much meaning those three words were going to hold.”

What does a person say to that response? She had been through so much. Something inside me wanted to protect her and keep her safe. I wanted to find her mom and shake the shit outta her. Who could ever leave their children, choosing drugs over them? I didn’t want Annie to experience any more hurt. Too bad I knew that’s exactly what I would do. I would hurt her. I should walk away. But, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

20

Annie

Gage: Do you have little man?

Me: No. He’s with Leigha. Why?

Gage: I have a surprise. Tell her 2 be at ur house in 15 min. I’ll pick u up

Me: Ummm k?

Me: Can u and Gabe be at my house in 15 min?

Leigha: Sure. Everything ok?

Me: Yeah. I think. Gage said he has a surprise.

Leigha: I don’t think u want ur son seeing that!

Me: Ew! No. He said he would pick us up.

Leigha: Hmm. K. be there in a few.

“Mommy, I’m home! Aunt Leigha said Gage had a surprise,” Gabe yelled, walking through the door.

Drying my hands from the dishes, I sat the towel on the counter. “Hey, baby. I missed you.”

Gabe gave me his watery smile. “I missed you too mommy. What’s my surprise?”

“I don’t know. Gage said he would be here in a few minutes to pick us up.”

“You two certainly have been spending a lot of time together since New Orleans.” Leigha winked. I stuck my tongue out.

Gabe took off into the living room to play. No interest in adult conversation. “We are just friends, Leigha.”

“Yeah, and the Pope is Catholic.”

Cocking my head at my gorgeous, but not too smart friend, I said, “Um, Leigha, the Pope is Catholic.”

She shook her hands in the air. “Oh. Huh. Well then the two of you are just friends like the Pope is Jewish.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. It’s been weeks since New Orleans. For all I know he could be screwing thirty different girls.” And, I would not admit how bad that stung saying that. We agreed. Just friends. Fuck buddies.

It was Leigha’s turn to roll her eyes. “Girl, you’re not an idiot. Every chance he gets he spends with you. You, Gabe, Gage, and Londyn look like the perfect little family.”

“Stop. I’m not getting ahead of myself. I don’t even know if I want that perfect little family. Gabe and I are our own perfect little bubble. I don’t want to bust that and him get hurt.”

Leigha pursed her lips, “Hate to burst your bubble, but, oh no wait, you already did. Do you not see how Gabe and Gage get along? It’s like the two of them were made for each other. Same with you and Londyn. I know the two of you agreed to be”- Leigha held her hands up, air quoting- “fuck buddies”- “But, it has turned into more than that.”

Leaning against the kitchen counter, I picked at my nails. Deep down I knew she was right. I just didn’t want to admit it. I knew the day Gage introduced me to his friend, Trent that my feelings were changing. Gage had told Trent who I was and Trent had a huge smile cover his face when he said, “Ah, so you’re the hottie he won’t stop talking about.” Hearing that Gage talked about me had my heart skipping a beat and my head spinning. My heart was telling me to jump, go all in. My head was telling me to tread lightly, nothing was this good.

“Knock, knock,” Gage said as he walked in.

“You know, normally a person stays on the other side of the door and actually does the verb of knock. They don’t just say the word as they walk into the person’s house, uninvited.”

Feigning hurt, Gage said, “I was invited. I told you I would be here in fifteen minutes. You said okay. I took that as my invitation.”

Gabe took off running towards Gage. “Gage! I missed you!”

Gage scooped my son into his arms, “I missed you, too, buddy.”

Jenna poked her head around my front door. I smiled and waved. “Come in.”

She walked in carrying Evie. Trent was behind her carrying a sleeping Londyn. He was followed by a guy carrying Knox and Nash. The little boys were struggling to get down. Jenna looked at Gage and Gabe who were already on the floor racing cars across the carpet. Her eyes got glossy. She sat Evie down and said, “Be nice to the boys, and don’t beat them too bad.” Evie took off in the direction of Gage and my little boy.

Turning her attention to me, she said, “Annie, this is my husband, Larkin. Sorry you haven’t got to meet sooner. We got lucky and his bye week is the same as the boys first birthday.”

Larkin looked me over. His eyes were intense. I felt like I was being scrutinized. After a moment a smile formed on his very handsome face and he held his hand out. “Annie, it’s nice to meet you. I have heard a lot about you from these three.” He motioned to Jenna, Gage, and Trent.

“Thanks. Nice to meet you too.”

Gage looked up from his spot on the floor. “Are y’all ready?”

“Where are we going?” Gabe asked, excitedly.

Shaking his head, Gage said, “It’s a surprise. If everyone is ready we can go. Annie and Gabe can ride with Londyn and me. Leigha, I have my Mercedes, so you can squeeze in with the kids or you can ride with Trent.”

Looking at my best friend, I found her mouth open. She had been unusually quiet since Jenna had arrived. Her eyes were fixated on Trent. I couldn’t really blame her. He was nice to look at. “Ugh, Leigha? Who you riding with?”

Leigha blinked a few times, her cheeks turning red. “Um. I…I don’t care,” she stuttered.

Trent turned his head and let his eyes soak in my best friend. “I’ve got her, G. She’s with me.”

Leigha’s cheeks reddened even more. “Oh. Well, um, ok thanks.”

Pulling my brows together I stared at her. She slightly shook her head and took a few steps away from Trent. “Let’s go. I want to see what the hell is going on.” I grabbed my purse off the small table by the front door and walked out.

After getting all the tiny humans into their car seats, Gage and I buckled up. “Will you give me an idea as to where we are going?”

Gage raised an eyebrow and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth. “Nope.”

“How far away is it?”

“Ten minutes.”

“What can we do there?”

Gage glanced at me and a smirked covered his face. “Anything you want.”

“You’re really not going to tell me anything?”

Slowly he shook his head. “Nope.”

“You’re just mean.”

“Not what you were saying last night. I do believe last night you were calling me God and telling me just how good I was.”

My eyes were bulging out of my head. I snapped my head to the backseat to make sure Gabe hadn’t heard what Gage just said. “He’s not paying attention to us. He’s watching Despicable Me. Chill.”

“I don’t care. Don’t say that in front of him. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea.” I fiddled with my seat belt.

Gage shook his head and sighed. He didn’t say anything. After a few minutes he turned the radio up. Hail to the King by Avenged Sevenfold was playing. Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove Gage sang along. Sitting at a stop light he turned to me and smiled. Synyster Gates was in the middle of a guitar riff when Gage joked, “Hail to the king, baby.”

Pointing to the light, I said, “Shut up and drive, ball boy.”

When the song ended Gage was pulling into a long brick driveway, guarded by a gate. Rolling his window down he typed in a passcode and the gate slowly rolled open. Lining the driveway was mature pine trees and a few weeping willows here and there. Gage grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. “For future reference the passcode is one-three-seven-eight.”

I flashed my eyes to the backseat. Gabe was wrapped up in his movie. I don’t know what Gage is getting at today. The stuff he’s saying and doing is a real mind fuck. Studying Gage, I asked, “Where are we?”

He kept his gaze fixed on something in front us, he said, “Home.”

“Huh?” I asked in confusion. I turned my head to look out the windshield. Ahead of us was a huge plantation style house. The trees lining the driveway ended and short, well-trimmed hedges lined the drive up to the oversized wrought iron steps leading to the wraparound porch. The house was a classic white with black shutters and deep burgundy door. There was a balcony above the welcoming front porch. The place looked like something straight out of Steel Magnolias.

Gage pulled to a stop just in front of the beautiful home and shut his car off. “Home. I figured it was time I get a house down here. I have my apartment in New Orleans but I want Londyn to grow up here.” Gage shrugged. “My mom and I walked through it two weeks ago and I knew it was the right place for Londyn and me.”

“Wow. Gage, it is, wow. Beautiful. Most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” I said, still taking in just how beautiful it was.

“I’ve seen something more beautiful.”

I glanced at Gage. He was watching me. Dammit. He was doing it again. My heart was skipping all over. “Um…can I see the inside?”

One side of his mouth lifted. “Of course. I didn’t bring you out here just to see the trees and front door. Let’s go.” Gage grabbed his keys and got out. He unfastened Londyn and carried her up the steps. “Daddy is going to have to put up a baby gate on these stairs, huh Londyn Lou?”

Londyn giggled. The rest of us following Gage and Londyn. When he opened the front door I was expecting butlers and maids to be waiting. Instead, there was a pretty, older lady in a paint stained shirt and jean shorts.

“Meme!” Londyn squealed and held her hands out.

“I didn’t know you were coming by today. Your brother and I wanted to get all the painting finished before you brought Londyn. She shouldn’t be around the fumes, honey.” The older lady wiped her hands on her shirt before taking Londyn and kissing her cheeks.

“Mom, its fine. Jenna and Larkin are leaving Sunday after the boys’ party. I wanted them to see my place before they left.”

Jenna hugged the lady that I now knew was Gage’s mom. Gabe was holding Evie’s hand. He was craning his neck around to take everything in. We were standing in the large, open foyer. “Mommy, this place is fuckin’ huge!”

“Shh! Gabriel, we don’t say that word,” I chastised.

Gabe looked at me innocently and said, “Fine. This place is freakin’ huge.”

Gage heard him that time and looked down at Gabe. I could see he was biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing. Too bad no one else followed his example. Everyone, including Gage’s mom was cracking up.

Was there was a gun from the civil war around here anywhere? Just shoot me now. My son and his mouth would be the death of me.

Gage wrapped one arm around my waist. “Mom this is Annie. Annie this is my mom, Tamra Tucker.”

The way he said my name had my toes tingling and the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. I had the feeling she knew a lot more about me than I knew about her.

Tamra held her hand out, smiling sweetly. “So nice to meet you, Annie”

Taking her hand, I replied, “Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Tucker.”

She dropped my hand and shook both hers in the air. “Oh, please call me Tamra. Mrs. Tucker is my mother in law. She is old and senile. I am much too young to be anything that proper.”

Gage looked at his mom for a moment before asking, “How did you get here? Your car isn’t out front.”

“Dylan. He ran into town to pick up a few more drop cloths and paint brushes. He should be back soon. Why don’t you show everyone around while I entertain the kids?”

It was like Evie took that moment to notice Gage’s mom standing a few feet away from her. She let go of Gabe’s hand and ran to Tamra. “Aunt Ra Ra! Dis my fweind, Gabe.” Evie smiled brightly at my little boy.

Tamra shifted Londyn to her hip and looked at my handsome little guy. Gabe actually looked a little shy. Hmm. I didn’t know my son, the loud mouth, dirty talking little boy had a shy bone in his body. Holding her hand out, Tamra said, “Hello, Gabe. It is so nice to meet you. Evie talks about you all the time.” Tamra looked to Jenna and Larkin and winked.

Little Evie had her first crush. And, it was my little man. How sweet.

Shaking Tamra’s hand, Gabe said, “Yeah, she likes me.” He sighed and lifted one shoulder. “All the ladies do.”

Tamra giggled. “I can see why. Would you like to help me unpack toys in the playroom while Gage shows your mommy his new house?”

Gabe smiled. “Yes! Mommy, I’m going with Tamra to play.”

She took all the kids and started down the hall. I have no idea how she did it. Gabe and Evie were holding hands again and she was carrying Londyn, Nash, and Knox. Brave woman.

Gage grabbed my hand and walked us into the sunken living room. “Obviously we all know what room this is. What I really want to show y’all is upstairs. But, to be the nice host, I’ll tell you everything that’s down here on our way upstairs. Everything down here is covered in boxes anyway.” Leading us up the ‘Gone with the Wind’ staircase, Gage said, “There is the obvious living room, kitchen, dining room, family room, office, two half bathrooms, and a theater room. There is also a sunroom off the kitchen that leads to the back deck and the pool. I also have a pool house and a bungalow style guest house out back.”

He walked to the double French doors at the end of the hall. Shoving them opened I could see into what I assumed was his master bedroom. There was a large four post bed in dark wood in the center of the room. Beside each side of the bed was a nightstand in matching wood. There was an armoire in the corner with a large dresser to the left. In the opposite corner was a black leather couch and chair facing the flat screen television hanging on the wall. Glancing around I noticed a large picture hanging above the couch. It was in black and white. It was the kids and I on the beach. I had Londyn and Gabe in my arms, my head was back and I was laughing, both kids smiling. We looked happy.

Not stopping, he walked through his room and into the bathroom. The five of us following him in.

“Wow, you have a toilet, you lucky bastard. Really wish I had one of those. Larkin said our next house we may just splurge and get a toilet.” Jenna said, laughing.

We all laughed and Gage said, “No, I wanted to show you the phone. How fuckin’ cool is that? I have a phone in the fuckin’ shitter.”

I craned my neck to see around Gage. There it was, right next to the toilet. A phone, really? In the bathroom?

Jenna wrinkled her nose and said, “Gage, make me a promise.”

“What’s that?”

Jenna pointed at the phone when she said, “Never, ever call me from that phone.”

Gage grabbed Jenna around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. “Don’t worry, you will be my first call from this phone.”

Larkin joked, “As long as it doesn’t send pictures, I’m down with getting a shitter call. Just no shitter picture.”

Leigha giggled. “Well, I mean, I guess it’s practical. What if you run out of toilet paper? Now you don’t have to worry. One call and problem solved.”

“I’m glad some people can appreciate good craftsmanship. This is what won me over and sold me on the house. It had nothing to do with the marble or hardwood floors. Or even the six bedrooms, or the man cave, or the pool. It was the fuckin’ phone. Sweet as shit.” Gage dropped his arms from Jenna and wrapped them around my waist.

Jenna looked from Gage’s arms around my waist to my face then Gage’s. A slow, somewhat sad smile playing on her lips. Starting to get uncomfortable I tried pulling away. Gage tightened his grip and whispered in my ear, “No.” Sending shivers down my spine and right to my core.

“Gage? You up here?” A male voice came through the door.

“Bathroom, D.” Jenna yelled back.

Looking up from the gorgeous marble floor I saw a miniature version of Gage walking in. Well, not exactly miniature because he was damn near just as big, just younger. Wait, he looked familiar. Very familiar.

Smiling wide, the boy said, “Were you showing them your shitter phone?”

Gage nodded. “Sure was.”

Nudging Jenna, the boy said, “Ain’t that the shit? Literally.”

Jenna curled her lips. “I swear if one of you call me from that phone I will stick my foot so far up your ass you won’t shit for a year. Got it?” She grumbled, pointing at Dylan. She was smiling by the time she was finished talking.

He was the boy that delivered the flowers! “You’re Gage’s brother?” I asked out of the blue.

Turning his sky blue eyes to me, he said, “Yep. The name’s Dylan.” He winked at me like we were sharing some ‘I murdered the mailman and you hid the body’ kinda secret.

“You work for a florist?” I asked, somewhat confused.

Everyone, except for Leigha looked at Dylan. Gage and Dylan started laughing. Jenna accused, “Dylan couldn’t tell the difference between a rose and a daisy if he tried.”

Gage said, “Actually, not too long ago he had a one day stint as a florist delivery boy. There was a special girl that deserved flowers and I wanted to make sure she got them.” He kissed my temple.

Really? What was with all this public display of affection? It was really starting to screw with my head. My brain was starting to listen to my heart. That can’t happen. I won’t let that happen. We agreed this was just for fun. Now Gage is screwing that up with all these small things he’s doing. I was letting my guard down. Sure to get hurt in the end.

Leigha furrowed her brows. “He’s the one who delivered your flowers?”

I nodded. Jenna elbowed Larkin. “I don’t even get flowers. I want flowers,” She joked.

Larkin rolled his eyes, “I gave you three kids. Isn’t that enough?” He looked at his wife. Anyone could see how in love they were. Jenna leaned into him and kissed his chest. They really did look like the poster couple for perfect.

Once Gage was satisfied with himself and his potty phone he walked back into his bedroom. There that picture was again. Staring me in the face. I glanced at Gage who was saying something to Trent and laughing. His eyes caught mine and they instantly darkened. How could he go from zero to sixty within a split second?

He smirked. “Annie, I want to show you something.” He turned to look at Jenna and asked, “Jenna can you check on the kids and make sure they haven’t duct taped my mom to the wall?”

“I’m sure if anyone has the duct tape it would be Evil Evie.” Larkin laughed. Jenna nodded in agreement.

Leigha looked me over before saying, “I’ll check on little man.”

Trent placed his arm on the small of Leigha’s back and said, “I can help you with that. I like that little dude. He’s a chick magnet.”

Jenna, Leigha, and I all looked at each other, rolling our eyes. Leave it to Trent to use a child to get attention.

Watching the others walk out of Gage’s room he shut the door behind them. I turned to look out his window at the backyard and the in ground pool when I heard the lock click. “I have been waiting to get you all to myself since I walked into your house.”

“Why do you have the picture?” I tossed my hand in the air in the direction of giant picture on his wall.

“You don’t like it?” Gage asked. His voice laced with a hint of hurt.

“No. I mean, I do like it. Just confused as to why you have it so big and in your room.”

“I love how at peace and happy the three of you look. Don’t get mad, but in my man cave I may or may not have a few more pictures hanging up.”

I think my jaw was sitting on the floor. My eyes the size of saucers. He had more pictures…of me? He was really starting to blur the lines and play with my heart. “Why do you have pictures of me?”

Gage ran his hand along my back. “You’re gorgeous. Why wouldn’t I want pictures of you in my house?”

Oh he was good.

“When did you take the pictures?” I asked, still somewhat in shock.

“Different times. Most of them are on the beach. I have one though, my favorite. It’s from the hotel in New Orleans. When you woke up and were freaking out that Gabe would shit a brick if you weren’t with him. You jumped out of bed looking for your clothes. You stopped for just a second and looked out the window at the sun rise. The sun was casting a shadow over you, making it look like a silhouette. It’s simple and fuckin’ hot as hell.”

“Gage.” I tried to say with conviction but my voice was breathy. “You’re starting to mess with my head. We both said we weren’t ready for something like this. Then, you say and do shit like we are a couple. I don’t know what to think.”

Kissing me behind my ear, he whispered, “Don’t think. Just listen to your body.” He slipped one hand around my waist and pulled me back so my back was flush against his chest. His other hand was in my hair. He ran kisses along my neck and shoulder. “Annie, I can’t help how my body reacts to you. When you’re around I’m hard. I need to be inside you.”

My head was spinning. My knees were weak. I attempted to nod. I was too light headed to be sure if I nodded or looked like a drunk chicken with its head cut off. Gage spun me around and captured my mouth. I was lost. Somewhere along the way, not realizing, I had let Gage in. I was falling. Hard and fast. Not knowing if Gage was going to catch me.

21

Gage

Three months. That’s how long it had been since our hotel hook up. Every chance I got I made the drive from the apartment I was renting in New Orleans to Fairhope. I loved spending time with Annie. What I loved even more was how well Annie and Gabe fit with Londyn and myself. I’m sure to an outside eye we looked like a family. We felt like a family and that scared me.

Annie loved Londyn. Watching them together made me realize how easily I could fall for her. Or was I already falling for her?

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jenna. Do you have a minute?”

“Gage, you sound nervous. Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hold on one second. Evalyn Grace, get over her and pick up your toys like mommy said or I will throw them away.” I heard Evie crying. Jenna turned her attention back to me. “Gage, you still there?”

“Yeah. You sound busy though, I will let you go.”

“What? No, Gage. Tell me what’s going on.”

I rubbed my eyes. Holding my phone between my head and shoulder I picked Londyn up. “I don’t know what to do.”

“About…” Jenna asked slowly.

“Annie. We have been doing this friendly fuck thing for three months. I like her, Jenna. Like, a lot. We agreed though that neither of us wants anything more. But, just thinking about another guy touching her or flirting with her has me worked up. When I’m away from her I miss her. Everything. The way she smells like vanilla. The way her dark hair falls into her face. Her blue eyes twinkling when she plays with our kids. The way her face wrinkles up when she gets aggravated. The way my heart picks up by just seeing her…all of it.”

Jenna was silent. I heard her sniffle before saying, “Gage, you’re falling for her.”

There was no way. Was there?

“Why don’t you talk to her? You need to talk to her, not me. Tell her what you just told me. She would be crazy not to love you back. I know she guards her heart because of her past, as do you. But, I’ve seen the two of you. You’re perfect.”

“Jenna, I can’t love her.” Londyn started wiggling around. I sat her back and the floor and watched as she crawled to her pile of toys.

“Can’t or won’t?”

“There isn’t a difference.”

“Yes there is. I figured that out myself. Aren’t you the one who told me not too long ago, and I quote ‘It takes a strong heart to love but it takes a stronger heart to continue to love after being hurt’? You have experienced enough hurt for a lifetime. I hate saying I am one of those people who hurt you, but you can’t let that hold you back. You loved me, but I couldn’t love you. You loved Cobie, but she’s gone. You love Annie, but you’re not giving her a chance to love you back. That’s not fair to you or her.”

I hated the Jenna still got upset about what we went through. It wasn’t her fault. I knew she wasn’t in love with me. Looking back, I’m not entirely sure I was truly in love with her either. We had always been with each other, things with her felt safe. I wanted to know she would never get hurt. I knew with me she was safe. Keeping someone safe doesn’t really define love. After everything she had been through I didn’t want her to be alone. I was the answer.

“Jenna, nothing in the past is your fault. I knew the entire time, I just didn’t want to face reality. I was afraid of losing you. Back then, if I lost you, I lost everything. You walking away from me was probably one of the best damn things you ever did for me. Because of that, I fell in love with Cobie and became a daddy. I just don’t think my heart is strong enough to love again. I don’t think I can risk it.”

“Don’t make me out to be some saint. I fucked you over. You were my best friend and I let you rescue me from something that was my own fault. I should have told you no from the beginning. I wasn’t fair to you. But, I didn’t want to lose you, either. And now, you’re not being fair to Annie. I’m not saying go and profess your love to her. Just talk.”

Sighing, I fell back into the couch. Londyn turned her head, smiling. She looked so much like Cobie. “I wasn’t supposed to go to Fairhope until tomorrow. Maybe, after the game and interview tomorrow I will drive home and surprise her.”

I could hear Jenna smiling through the phone. Her voice a little more light hearted. “It will be worth it, trust me. You two seem perfect for each other. She makes you happy. You deserve someone who makes you smile.”

“She does. Thank you, J. For everything. Love you.”

“No, Gage. Thank you for always being there. I’ll talk to you later. Love you, too.”

I tossed my phone onto the couch beside me and watched Londyn. It was crazy that she was almost one. That Cobie had been gone for eight months. She missed Londyn rolling over, laughing, playing in the sand, saying “Dada” for the first time, crawling, and taking her first steps. The tightening in my chest had me rubbing my fist on it. I missed her. Being with Annie eased the pain. Jenna was right, she made me happy. Very happy.

Hearing my phone chime, I picked it up and saw a text from Trent.

Trent: Hitting up Sinners & Saints. You game?

Me: Nah. I have Londyn.

Trent: Babysitter bro.

Trent: Kline’s wife said she would watch her. No excuses. Get ur ass over here. Guys night.

Me: Fine. Be there around 8.

Maybe that’s what I needed. A night out with the guys and a few drinks. Loosen up a bit. My mind was on overdrive lately. All consumed by one very sexy woman.

Annie

“Night, Leigha. See you tomorrow,” I said walking toward the front door.

She wrapped Gabe into a tight hug and kissed his forehead. “Love you, buddy. I will see you tomorrow night, okay? We have a big date planned.”

Gabe nodded his head excitedly and said, “Night Aunt Leigha. Love you, too.” He ran inside the house, leaving the front door wide open, of course. If I didn’t know any better I would swear he was raised in a damn barn.

Leigha opened her car door before turning to me. “Night, bitch. Don’t masturbate too much. Gotta have something left for Gage when he gets home.”

Snorting, I rolled my eyes. “Bitch, please. Gabe sleeps with me most nights. No chance of any freaky business going on. And I’m sure the batteries are dead in B.O.B. anyway.”

Leigha laughed and got into her car. “See you tomorrow. Kiss kiss.” She waved out her window as she backed out of the driveway.

Walking up the sidewalk I looked into the dark night sky. Gage was the first person since Derek that I had let in. He knew about my past and didn’t judge me because of it. I was falling for him, hard and fast. Taking a deep breath, I walked into my house, closing and locking the door behind me.

Grabbing the remote I turned the television on. Gage was doing an inside interview with Sports Report in New Orleans before coming back to Fairhope. I was missing him since his last three games had been out of town. Maybe seeing his face would help my problem.

Gabe walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. “Can I have a snack mommy?”

“Sure, baby. What do you want?”

Gabe crinkled his face before saying, “Strawberries, please.”

As I made my way into the kitchen I heard Gabe yelling, “Mommy, Gage is on T.V.!”

Grabbing the strawberries from the refrigerator I sat them on the counter so I could see into the living room. I was welcomed by Gage’s bright blue eyes and killer smile on my television. He was laughing about something the reporter had just said and as he started talking Gabe interrupted, “Mommy, why do they like talking to Gage?”

“I guess because he’s so good.” I really wasn’t sure but that answer sounded good to me. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to talk to someone who sucked. Looking at the strawberries, I started slicing them into a bowl. I was listening to the interview and the welcomed sound of Gage’s voice.

“Mommy, who’s that lady?” Gabe asked, sounding confused.

Just as I brought my eyes to the television there was a picture of Gage and a red head. Her head was tucked into the crook of his arm and he was holding her close as they walked from the building to a black car. The reporter asked, “We haven’t seen much of you since becoming a daddy, but you were caught last night leaving the downtown hotspot, Sinners and Saints. Am I correct in guessing this pretty girl is your girlfriend?”

Feeling the knife slipping from my hands I let it fall to the counter. He didn’t say anything about going out last night when we talked earlier. I felt like I had just been punched in the heart. This fucking hurt.

“Mommy, are my strawberries ready?”

Sucking in a breath, I grabbed the bowl of strawberries and walked into the living room. Sitting down beside Gabe I handed him the bowl. “I guess that lady is Gage’s friend, baby,” I said fighting tears.

“I thought you were his friend,” Gabe said innocently.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. Pulling Gabe closer to me I kissed the top of his head. “After you eat your snack, it’s bedtime.”

Gabe took a big bite and smiled. God, I loved that smile. “Ok, mommy.”

Staring at the television as Gabe devoured his strawberries, a million thoughts ran through my head.

Why did he go out?

Who was the red head?

Did they have sex?

Why didn’t he tell me he went out?

How can I explain to Gabe why Gage won’t be around anymore?

Am I not good enough?

Pretty enough?

Is he not happy with our sex?

Why does this hurt so damn much?

Should I give him the chance to explain?

“Mommy? Are you going to open the door?” Gabe asked, pushing my arm.

“Huh?” I looked down at him, confused.

“The door, mommy. Some body is knocking. Maybe it’s Gage. I miss him.”

Scooting off the couch I shook my head. “Trust me, it’s not Gage. He’s still in New Orleans. He won’t be back until sometime in the morning.” Seeing Gabe’s face fall broke my heart. How am I going to tell him he won’t be seeing Gage ever again? UGH! Sometimes being a mommy was the hardest job in the world.

Looking through the window I saw him. Gage was standing on my front porch. What the fuck? Opening the door just enough to get out but so Gabe wouldn’t see Gage I shut the door behind me. Gage was instantly pushing his hands into my hair, pulling me too him. Just when his lips brushed mine I pushed him back. I crossed my arms, taking a defensive stance. “What do you want?” I asked. Letting my hurt and anger come out with my voice.

Gage frowned and asked, “No hello kiss?”

Pursing my lips, I put my hands on my hips. “I don’t have time for this Gage.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Gage asked, confusion written all over his face.

“Not a damn thing. I just came to some realizations tonight while watching that entertaining interview of yours.”

Gage took a step back. “It was just some damn girl. I don’t know why you’re getting pissy about it. So what, I had a few drinks with some woman, I can do what the fuck I want. In case you forgot, we are not together. You were the one that told me you didn’t want a relationship, you weren’t ready. We are both free to do shit we want.”

“Go home, Gage. Fuck whoever, whenever. I’m done with your shit. I don’t need this. I know you did more than have a few drinks with that bitch. I know how you are. You need sex like I need fucking air. I’m not going to be your on-call bootycall. You can take your shit elsewhere.”

Gage narrowed his eyes and I could see his jaw ticking. A sign he was highly pissed. Good. “Stop being such a bossy, know it all bitch. We both agreed what this was. You can get pissed as fuck over something you think happened. That’s your problem, not mine.”

Throwing my hands up, exasperated, I yelled, “I don’t fucking think. I know what happened. It’s who you are, a man whore. And please, spare me the damn details. I don’t want to even think about your dick being shoved into someone else. I told you I’m done with your shit. I’m going inside to put my child to bed. When I come back downstairs, I don’t won’t you here.” Turning on my heal I opened the door and slammed it behind me, locking it.

“Who was it, mommy?” Gabe asked as he picked up his toy cars.

“It was no one important. Ready for bed, buddy?”

Gabe dropped his cars into the toys box and ran up the stairs. He really was my saving grace. My past may not be the best but my present and future are amazing, all because of that little boy. He changed my life and I will never be able to thank him enough.

Tucking Gabe into bed, I switched on his nightlight. “Sweet dreams, Gabriel. I love you.” I kissed his cheek and brushed the hair off his forehead.

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite, mommy. Love you.”

Laughing, I shut off the light. “Night, baby.” I shut his door and slowly walked down the stairs.

Going to the front window I looked out, a part of me hoping I would see him. Gage’s car was gone. He was gone. For the first time in years I felt empty and alone. I was used to feeling numb until I met Gage. He made me feel alive again. Now, I felt the weight on my chest and the burning in my eyes welling up. I knew he was trouble. I should have trusted my gut instinct and told him to go to hell. Instead I followed my heart and look where that got me. I was alone, again. But this time it hurt so much more.

Turning off the lights downstairs, I drug my feet up the stairs and into my room. Not bothering to change, I flopped onto my bed and let my tears go. Crying myself to sleep for the first time in years.

“Annie!” I heard Leigha calling my name from across the bar.

Trying to act like I couldn’t hear her I walked through the crowd toward the employee locker room. Once I reached the door I looked over my shoulder to see my best friend making her way straight for me. Damn.

“Annie! Wait, I need to talk to you. You have to tell me what’s going on. I need to know if I should tell Gage to fuck off, or if I should tell him you’re PMS’ing and you just need a few days.”

Opening the door I stepped inside, thankfully no one else was in there. Jerking my head in the ‘come on’ motion I said, “Hurry up.”

Leigha jogged into the room, closing the door behind her and locking it, making sure no one could get it. Turning to me she said, “What the hell happened with you and boss man? I left last night and everything was daisies and butterflies. Then, this morning he came stomping in here throwing shit around, pissed at the world. I asked him what was wrong and he told me I should talk to you. That you know everything and you’re perfect. Of course, I rolled my eyes and told him I already knew that. He huffed and shook his head then walked out the door. I looked out the window and saw him peeling outta this place. So could you please explain to me what the hell is goin’ on?”

Opening my locker I shoved my purse inside, slamming the door shut. Leaning on the locker, I rested my back on the cool metal. “Leigha, I’m a single mom of a five year old boy. I don’t have the time nor do I have the desire to play his damn games. Gabe is my only concern. I want him to have a father figure in his life but not someone as hot and cold as Gage is. When Gage is happy it’s all fairytales and sunshine but when he’s upset its nightmares and tornados. And there is no warning signs as to which Gage you’re going to get. I don’t want that around my son. He needs something stable and comfortable.”

Leigha sat down in one of the chairs in front of me. “Annie, you have been through a lot. You lost Derek before little man was born so you have done this all on your own. Your family was no help and Derek’s family wanted nothing to do with you or your son. I’ve seen the way Gage looks at you and Gabe. He loves you, both of you. Maybe it’s not all rainbows and butterflies all the time but no relationship is. Have you even told him that you’re falling in love with him?”

Shaking my head I said, “Hell no. It’s been three months. We’re not even together, together. I guess just friends with benefits kinda thing. He has told me a million times he doesn’t want a relationship. And I can understand that. We come from similar situations. He lost Londyn’s mom when she was just three months old. I’m afraid of getting in too deep again, losing it all, and getting hurt. I don’t want to feel that again. Even if that means I’m a single mom the rest of my life. Gabe is the only man I need in my life.”

Leigha smiled when she said, “Sweetheart, you’re already in too deep. I think it’s time you put your ass kickin’ boots on and tell Gage how you really feel. Operation Gettin’ Gage.”

Sighing, I rubbed my temples. I was starting to get a migraine from all this back and forth with Gage. “Maybe I should talk to him, but first I have to work. I will go to his house later.”

“It’s supposed to rain today, we won’t be that busy. I’ll have Barker cover for you. Now go get your man.” Leigha opened the door and shoved me out.

“Umm, I need my purse if you want me to kick ass and execute Operation Gettin’ Gage”, I grumbled.

Leigha winked and went to my locker. Grabbing my purse she tossed it to me and said, “Now go!”

The drive to Gage’s house was a blur. Pulling into his driveway I put in the code for the gate. Watching it slowly open I took a deep breath. “It’s now or never, Annie,” I said to myself.

Once the gate was open I drove up the long palm tree lined driveway. Stopping in front of his house I saw his Mercedes parked in front of the garage. Parking behind it I took on last look at myself in the visor mirror before getting out. I looked tired. I was tired. I was tired of this roller coaster ride with Gage.

I walked up the four steps to Gage’s front door and knocked.

No answer. Asshole.

I knocked again, but a little harder.

Still nothing.

I wiggled the door handle. It was unlocked. Opening the door I peeked my head in but saw no one. What the hell? His car was here so where was he?

I yelled out, “Gage? Are you here?”

Then I heard it. Those annoying bimbo type giggles. The kind that make you cringe. They were coming from the back of the house.

Slowly, I walked through the house. I barely made it in the kitchen when I saw Gage and some skank on the deck. Gage was sitting in a lounge chair, beer in his hand. The blonde bimbo was topless sitting on his lap. I wanted to vomit. Making a gagging, strangled sound I turned on my heels and started for the front door. Just as I reached the front door I heard Gage’s panicked voice yelling, “Annie!

Jerking the door to Gage's house open I ran down the steps. It was starting to rain and I welcomed the coolness. Letting the cold rain numb me, numb the pain. I should have never taken Leigha's advice and surprised Gage. Look where that got me...running in the damn cold rain from the sight of Gage and some slut.

"Would you stop for one God damn minute?"

Stopping in my tracks, I turned and slammed into Gage's hard chest. Pushing off his chest I took a few steps back.

"What, Gage? What do you want?"

"You dammit! I fuckin' want you and all your bitchy bossiness," Gage yelled, throwing his hands up.

"Screw you, Gage Tucker! I am not bossy. I just know what you should be doing. And this shit ain't it. I should have never came here. Funny thing was I came here to tell you I wanted to be with you, I wanted more than just sex with you."

"Would you let me fuckin' explain?" Gage asked, almost pleading.

I took a few more steps back, and crossed my arms over my chest, attempting to protect myself from anymore hurt. I narrowed my eyes and slightly tilted my head, giving him the go ahead.

Gage scrubbed his face. The rain hitting his tall, hard body. "I didn't know you wanted to be with me. You never even gave me the slightest fuckin' clue that you wanted something more than just being friends with me. If I knew that even for one damn second you wanted me no one else would have mattered. I have lost everyone who has meant something to me. I don't want to lose you too."

“Blah, blah, blah. Fuck you! It's always something with you, Gage. It's never your fault, is it? For once in your life will you admit when you mess up?"

Gage grabbed my waist, pulling me so I was pressed against him. Both of us soaked from the rain. "Dammit woman. I fucked up. You know that. I know that. I know it's my fault. I can't go back and change shit. This is me saying I'm sorry that I'm such a fuckin' ass."

Reaching up I pulled his face down to mine. He may be an ass, but damn if I wasn't falling in love with all his fucked-upness.

"Gage, you drive me batshit crazy but never have I ever wanted anyone like I want you."

Attacking my mouth like he needed it to live, he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked us backwards until I felt the trunk of his car hitting the back of my thighs. He sat me on the trunk, never releasing my mouth. His hands were undoing my shorts and yanking them down.

I shoved my hand into his shorts, pushing them and his boxers down. He was rock hard. Pushing me back so I was lying down with my legs hanging over the edge he slammed into me. “I want this hard, Annie. I’m not going to be easy. I need this to be rough and fast.”

I nodded. Gage grabbed my legs, placing them on his shoulders. He slid out of me, then fast and hard, he was back inside, balls deep. “Oh. God, Gage.”

“You look so fuckin’ good right now. Your sweet pussy spread out for me. I swear, later I will take my time and taste every inch of you. But, not now.” He kept up his punishing rhythm. The rain beating down on us, adding to the heated desire between us. With every thrust he pushed me closer and closer to ecstasy. He knew my body, he knew what I liked. He brought one hand to my swollen, tender clit. Using his thumb and middle finger he squeezed my swollen bud, rolling it in circles. My cries echoed through the trees surrounding his house. As I was crashing into the pool of sated desire I felt Gage releasing his hot seed inside of me. He stilled, his breathing jagged.

“Fuck, Annie. I couldn’t control myself. You’re breaking me down.”

Kissing his swollen lips, I breathed out, “I know the feeling.”

22

Annie

“Annie, some guy is at the bar asking for you.” Barker leaned his head against the lockers. “He looks young but damn, girl. How many guys you got chasin’ your sexy little self? If you get tired fell free to toss one my way. Barker needs him a little boy toy. It has been way too long.”

Looking up from my purse I raised my eyebrow. “Please, stop. I don’t want details. And, I don’t have any one chasing me. Did he say what he wanted?”

“I didn’t ask. He asked for you and I came back here to get you.”

I quickly put my lip gloss on and tossed my pursed into the locker. I knew Gage wasn’t out there. He had left for New Orleans this morning. Barker knew all the guys in Jase’s band, and he knew better than to let me near Parker again after the incident a few months ago. “I’m ready. Let’s go see who this supposed Barker boy toy is.”

Laughing, Barker shook his head. “Sadly, I doubt that is the case.”

Following Barker out of the locker room and into the crowd he made his way to the bar, me close behind. There was too many people waiting at the bar to be sure who was waiting for me. Barker pointed to the end of the bar. He leaned into my ear and yelled, “That’s him. Green polo with the dark brown hair.”

All I could see was his back. “Ok. Thanks. I’ll see who it is and what they want.”

Walking to the opposite end of the bar I racked my brain trying to figure out who it was. Maybe it was a previous customer? Maybe he thought I was flirting with him? When I was close the younger guy that had been talking to the guy in green smiled and pointed at me. Green shirt guy turned, smirking. Dylan. Why was Dylan here and why was he asking for me? Oh God…did something happen to Gage?

“Is Gage okay?” I asked in place of hello. I walked around the bar, stopping in front of Dylan.

He nodded and bent over. Standing, he was holding a large vase filled with pink and purple tulips and orchids. “I guess my role as flower boy has been extended. My brother asked me to deliver these and to make sure you got this.” Dylan pulled a small jar filled with sand from his pocket and handed it to me.

“Oh. Thanks, Dylan. You didn’t have to bring them here though, you could have dropped them off at my house.” I took the jar and popped the lid off. Grabbing the small, rolled up paper from the sand, I opened it.

Annie,

Will you go to dinner, walk on the beach, and lay under the stars with me?

P.S. This is when you smile and say yes.

~Gage

Staring at the note, I felt my smile taking over. I looked up at Dylan. “Your brother really does know how to woo the ladies, doesn’t he?”

“Never really seen him do this before. I don’t know if he has gotten a girl, besides Jenna, flowers before.”

“Not even Cobie?” I asked, a little in disbelief.

Dylan dropped his head and shook it. “Their relationship was complicated. But, no I don’t think so. He really likes you. If you’re not in this, then tell him no. Don’t say yes to be nice. Just be honest. Don’t wait this out and play with him. He has been through enough. Don’t hurt him.”

For only being eighteen years old and still in high school the kid was smart. “I do like him, Dylan. Maybe too much.”

He gave me a small smile and said, “I know what its like to like someone too much. Difference is, you have Gage. My brother isn’t going anywhere.”

“How did you get to be so wise?”

“It’s my old age. The day I turned eighteen…it was like a whole new world.” Dylan shut his eyes and tilted his head. “Oh the memories of being wild and seventeen. The good ol’ days.”

Laughing, I picked up my flowers and turned to walk away. “Goodbye Dylan.”

“Bye, Annie.”

Barker lifted his brows when I walked passed with my goodies. I just shook my head and continued my trek to the locker room. Once my flowers were stored safely and my message in a bottle was in my locker, I pulled my phone out to text Gage.

Me: Yes.

I slid my phone into my back pocket and walked back to the bar, to a very anxious Barker.

“So, who was it?”

“That was Dylan. He is Gage’s little brother.”

Barker took a step back. “Shit. Little brother is hitting on you?”

Laughing, I shook my head. “No. No, not like that. Gage asked him to bring my flowers and this sweet little note asking me on a date. That’s all.”

Barker looked relieved. “Thank God. To be honest, these last three months you have seemed so much happier. I was hoping you weren’t about to screw that up.”

Putting my hands on my hips, I scoffed, “I am happy. Thank you very much. And, no, I don’t plan on fucking it up.”

I tried to turn but Barker grabbed my shoulder. “Annie, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I just want to see my favorite girl win in the end and be happy. Have the perfect life she and he son deserve.”

Sighing, I gave him a quick hug. “I know. Thank you for being you.”

“Anytime. You know I’m always hear to listen. Us gay guys make the best listeners.” Barker winked before walking away to help the long line of customers.

I felt my ass vibrate. Jumping a little at the sudden movement, I slid my phone out of my back pocket.

Gage: You won’t regret it. C U Saturday at 2. Have a good night. :-*

Did he really just send me a kiss through a text? Looking around, as if anyone could see the text, I smiled.

Me: Can’t wait. :-*

I put my phone back in my pocket and went to help Barker support the alcoholics and vacationers in getting drunk. With a permanent smile on my face.

Gage

Pulling Londyn’s pants up I hugged her close to me. “Bye baby. Daddy loves you. I will see you tomorrow. Be good for Uncle Dylan.” I kissed Londyn’s cheek and sat her on the floor. She crawled toward the giant pile of stuffed animals on the floor.

“Where are you taking Annie?” Dylan asked from his spot on the couch.

“I hired security to close off the stadium and I’m giving her a private tour. Dinner at Fresh, then I thought we could drive out of the city a little bit and go to the beach.”

Dylan batted his lashes and laughed. “Look at you be all romantical.”

I threw Londyn’s shitty diaper at him. He caught it and sat it on the end table. “Maybe you should take a few lessons and Mac would give you the time of day.”

My brother flipped me off before sliding off the couch and onto the floor. “Londyn tell your daddy to be nice to Uncle D. He’s a meanie head, huh?”

Londyn looked from Dylan to me. She gave a loud belly laugh and clapped her hands. Dylan scooped her into his arms and she squealed. He really surprised me when it came to Londyn. I didn’t expect him to want to spend time with her. He was almost nineteen. A normal teenage boy didn’t want to spend time with a baby. A part of me thought he was doing it to show Mac he was growing up.

“Okay, I’m out. Mom said you could call her anytime if you need help.”

Dylan spoke with a baby voice, “We don’t need Gran, do we? Uncle D can handle a little baby.”

“Bye Londyn. Love you, princess.” I waved to her as I walked out and into the sunshine. Hitting the car fob to unlock my doors I looked at my brand spankin’ new black Flacon Motorsports F7. She was pretty.

Sliding into the drivers seat I revved the engine. I loved that sound. The sound of raw horsepower. I felt like Mario Andretti. I sped all the way to Annie’s house. Jase was backing out as I pulled in.

He lifted his chin as he drove passed me. I parked and walked to her front door, knocking.

“It’s open.”

Opening the door I called out, “You know, that’s not very safe. I could have been some murderer looking for my next victim. You should always see who is at your door before telling them it’s open.”

Annie came walking down the stairs, putting her earrings in. She looked beautiful. Even though it was late October the weather was nice. It was around eighty and sunny. She had on a light pink cotton dress that stopped at her knees and strappy sandles.

“Yes, because typically murderers always use manners and knock before entering their victims home. Thank you for the warning.” She stopped at the bottom step and smiled.

“You’re such a smartass.”

She nodded. “I know. So, where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“I hate surprises.”

“I know. That’s why I love them. Gets you all hot and bothered. Easier to take advantage of you that way.”

Annie huffed. She grabbed her purse off of the kitchen bar and stomped to the front door. I never moved. She yanked the door open and turned back to me. “You comin’ or am I going to have to go on this date all by myself?”

“That wouldn’t be much of a date, now would it?” I smirked. Strutting across her living room I walked passed her and onto the small front porch.

She locked her door and turned on her heel. Her mouth dropped open. “What is that?” She lifted a shaky hand and pointed to my car.

“That would be my new car.”

“That is not a car. That is sex with a steering wheel and motor. You don’t take that to soccer practice or the grocery store.” Her voice was shaky, breathy. I liked it.

“Actually this is the first place I have driven it. Just got her yesterday. I figured a beautiful woman needed a beautiful car to ride around in.”

She lifted one eyebrow and pinned my with her stare. “Oh you are good. You are so good, Mr. Tucker.”

“Funny you should say that. I think you have told me that once or twice before. But, always in a different context.” Yep, I was being cocky. I couldn’t help that all my blood flow was now in my dick. My dick was talking for me. “You ready to take a ride in my sex on wheels, as you called it?”

Her cheeks turned a little red. “If it’s anything like you then I can’t wait.”

Fuckin’ tease.

“You’re taking me on a tour of the stadium?” Annie asked, sounding somewhat uniterested.

“Yes. But it’s not just any tour. This is the Gage Tucker Tour.”

“What makes your tour so special?”

“You’ll see.” I grabbed her hand and led her through the gate. I showed her every inch of the stadium.

She was trying hard to act interested. She was standing in the middle of the locker room. Her face twisted in disgust. “What in the hell is that smell?”

I laughed. “Sweaty men.”

“Don’t y’all believe in showers and air fresheners?”

“We have a cleaning service that comes daily. I guess you just can’t kill the smell of pure male.”

“Maybe you should try some bleach. I think I’m going to vomit if we stay in here much longer.” Annie was covering her cute, wrinkled up nose.

“Fine. Come on. I have one last place to show you before we leave.”

“I hope like hell it smells better than this malodorous male stinch.”

Rolling my eyes I held onto her elbow and led us out of the locker room. “It will smell like air. So you can stop holding your breath now.”

“Can you blame me? It smelled like a urinal looks in there. I don’t care where you take me next as long as it has fresh air.” Annie glances up at me. Her blue eyes sparkling.

When we got to the field I pointed to the fifty yard line. “There.”

Annie’s eyes followed my hand. She covered her mouth with one hand and laced the fingers of her other hand with mine. Walking to the middle of the field, there was a large blanket spread out with a basket in the middle. Lining the blanket was pink and yellow rose petals. It was exactly how I wanted it.

We sat on the blanket and I pulled the basket close to us, opening the lid. I pulled out the bottle of chamagne and two flutes. Pouring us both a glass I handed her one. “To unforgetable first dates.”

She tapped my glass and smiled before taking a sip of the sweet liquid. “That smell will definitely be unforgettable. But, so far I’m having a good time.”

I reached back into the basket and pulled out a plate with strawberries, grapes, and cheese. “Would the Madame care for a delectable berry or a slice of cheese?”

Annie laughed and plucked a strawberry off the plate. “Thank you, good sir.” Instead of taking a bite of the strawberry herself she held it up to my lips.

I slowly licked my bottom lip and took a small bite. Her sudden increase in breathing didn’t get passed me. “My turn.” I grabbed a plump grape off the plate and brushed it over her lips. Just when she cracked her mouth open, I popped it into my mouth.

“Not fair!” Annie joked and shoved my shoulder.

“Okay, okay. Here.” I grabbed another grape and rubbed it on her lips. She shook her head. “Come on. I’ll play nice.” I stuck my bottom lip out.

She slightly opened her mouth and I slipped the grape in, letting my thumb graze over her bottom lip. Her eyes fluttered shut. I leaned into her and let my lips linger on hers. She tasted like perfection.

Laying her back on the blanket, I shoved my fingers into her hair. This felt right. Everything felt right with her. I let one hand wander down her body and under her dress. I slipped under her panties. She was wet. I leaned up on my knees and unbuttoned my jeans. Sliding them and my boxers down I let my throbbing cock rub against her wetness. I felt her thighs tighten against me. In one fluid motion I was inside of her. Fuck. This felt better than right. This felt like home.

I wanted to tell her I loved her. I wanted to tell her I wanted to spend the rest of my life tangled up with her. I wouldn’t, though. I was too fuckin’ scared.

I wasn’t Gage Motha Fuckin’ Tucker. I was Gage Cowardly Ass Tucker.

23

Annie

I was pissed. I couldn’t believe Gage! That fucker actually mentioned me in his interview after I told him not to. I was going to kill him. Opening my car door I got out, slamming it shut.

Stomping across the practice field parking lot, I walked up the steps. Flinging the door open, I made my way down the hallway toward the locker room. Those men were about to get the surprise of a lifetime.

Coming to the locker room door I didn’t bother knocking. I shoved the door open and stepped in. They had Metallica blaring through the speakers. Glancing around I saw men in towels, men in boxers, men in nothing, then my eyes landed on Gage. He was leaning against a locker, his arms crossed at his chest, talking to Trent.

Huffing, I made a b-line straight for him. I could hear all the men hooting and hollering, but I paid them no attention. One guy even called out, “Watch out Tucker. Your woman is hot.” I’m not sure if he meant piss off hot or the way I looked hot, I didn’t care. I was on a mission. I had no plans of stopping until Gage was dead or bowing down calling me queen.

Gage turned his head to see what all the fuss was about. When his eyes met with mine I could see that damn smirk set in place. Not taking his eyes off me he said something to Trent. Trent turned to wink at me. He laughed and patted Gage’s shoulder before walking away.

I stopped just in front of Gage and glared. “How dare you! I told you not to mention me. Then to call me your lady luck. You made me sound like a total slut.”

“Well, what the fuck are you? We both know fucking is what we do best.” Gage caught me off guard and kissed me.

What did I come in here for? Oh yeah, for making me sound like a whore.

Putting my hands on his chest I pushed him back. Raising on my tippy toes so I was eye to eye with Gage I said, “You know a guy like you should wear a damn warning.” Grabbing his t-shirt I fisted it and shoved him back a little.

Gage grabbed my arm and yanked me through a door and around the corner. Pressing me up against the wall, he placed his hands beside my head and dropped his head so his lips were brushing my ear. “Baby turning you on is just too damn fun. I may be a bad influence sweetheart, but fuck, I’m fun.”

“Gage we are in the locker room. Your team is on the other side of this very thin wall.”

Raising an eyebrow, Gage dropped his voice even lower and breathed into my ear, “I don’t give a fuck. I want you up against the wall. I’m about to do very dirty things to you. Let them hear you. I want them to know you’re mine.”

Sucking in a breath, my eyes widened. “Is there ever a time you don’t want it?”

Gage’s gorgeous face formed into a wide grin. “With you, never. I could fuck you all day long and still not get enough.”

Gage never took his eyes from mine as he leaned over and pushed in the lock on the door. Hearing the click of the lock, I watched as Gage’s eyes turned to a stormy blue. The same way they always did when he was turned on. Which seemed a constant with him. Pressing his body to mine Gage ran his hand from my shoulder down my arm and to my hip. He slipped his hand under the waistband of my skirt and into my panties.

“For someone who is so worried about people on the other side of the wall, you sure are wet.” Gage crooned as he slid a finger into my hot, wet center.

Letting my head fall back, I gripped onto Gage’s broad shoulders as he used his fingers to tease me.

Pulling his hand from my skirt he placed his arm around my waist, lifting me off the ground so I could wrap my legs around him. He pushed my skirt up and shoved my panties to the side. Using one hand he lowered his gym shorts and boxers, letting his large, throbbing erection free.

“You want it, baby?” Gage asked in a deep, throaty growl.

“Just shut up and fuck me.” I retorted.

Gage gave me a smug smile before slamming his cock into me.

“Ahh!” I cried out at the force and that amazing stretched feeling I got.

“I want them to know you’re mine. I don’t want them thinking I’m trying to kill you.”

I shut my eyes and bit down on my lip as Gage kept up with the quick pace.

“Fuck you. I can’t help the sounds that come outta my mouth when I have your dick sliding in and outta me. I have no control on what you do to me.”

Gage licked his lips and drug his teeth across his bottom lip. “I love what I do to you. Getting you all worked up and seeing that look on your face. That look is for me, no one else. I don’t share, Annie. You got that?”

I nodded and reached between us, my fingertips grazing the top if his dick. “I don’t share either. This. Is. Mine.” I brought my hand back to rest on Gage’s shoulder. As he picked up the pace, our breathing became choppy and labored. “Oh, God. You feel so good.” I gritted out between breaths.

I could feel the intense burning building in my lower stomach. I felt a thin sheen of sweat covering my body as Gage pushed into me and ground his hips. Dragging my nails down his back, Gage growled, “Fuck, Annie.”

Hearing my name fall from his mouth was my undoing. Clinging to Gage I cried out. I wasn’t even sure what I said but I’m sure it wasn’t even in English.

Gage pulled out before slowly sliding back in. “Annie, this thing between us…I don’t want to fuckin’ lose it. I know I’m a selfish prick of an asshole who doesn’t deserve you. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but I can’t fuckin’ leave this, leave us. I want more than this. I want more than sex with you. I want you.”

Your Call by Secondhand Serenade came through the speakers. I would never forget this song. When words fail, music speaks. So true.

Gage lowered his forehead to mine and softly kissed me, slowly intensifying the kiss. Slipping my tongue into his mouth I explored, tasting him. He grabbed the back of my head and kissed me with passion, with desire.

I felt his dick stiffen before his whole body went rigid. He moaned into my mouth as he emptied himself inside of me, jerking involuntarily.

Releasing my mouth Gage rested his forehead on the wall next to my head and slowly slid out of me. Lowering my legs down his body until I was standing, I placed my hands on either side of his face. I pulled his head to me so he was looking me in the eyes. I said, “The things you make me feel, make me think are scary. I want to be happy and I want you. But, we both have a lot of trust issues. It’s not just us we are talking about. We have kids we have to consider. I don’t want Gabe getting attached to you then shit with us falling apart. Gabe and Londyn need stability.”

Gage started to talk and I held my hand up, lightly covering his mouth.

“That being said, I can see a future with you. As long as you understand this is me and you, no one else. I want to be with you. I want to be yours.”

Gage crushed his mouth to mine. “Annie, I want so bad to tell you how I feel but I want it to be perfect. You deserve perfect.”

“With you, I have perfect. I am willing to wait. I will always wait for you. I am crazy about you.”

You know that moment? That moment when everything is perfect. Too perfect. Where life is bliss and you’re just waiting for everything to come crashing down. You just know when it happens it’s going to be like an EF-5 tornado crashing through your life. You try to prepare yourself, but nothing can prepare you for life. Then…it happens. It makes that tornado you thought it would be look like a windy day. It’s worse. So much worse. You want to curl up in a ball and forget the world. Too afraid to brave the storm.

That’s what I’m doing. Preparing. My life is bliss. Lay under the clouds and count the stars bliss. Too perfect. And, I know its coming. My life isn’t this good, this easy. Now I wait and pray that the tornado sirens go off before the storm hits.

But, they never go off in time, do they?

Gage

“You sure you want to do this?” Trent looked up from the floor where he was playing with Londyn.

“Yes. I can’t change much about her past, but I can help fix the wounds. That night in the hotel when she told me about her mom and sister…she sounded so hurt.”

Trent rolled onto his back and Londyn climbed onto his stomach. Holding her middle he lifted her up and into the air. “I don’t know man. What if she doesn’t want this? Maybe she doesn’t want to know her mom or the life her sister got and she was denied. I just think you should talk to her first before jumping into something so personal.”

“I think I’m in love with her.”

Trent nearly dropped my daughter. Recovering, Trent put Londyn on the floor. “It’s almost Christmas. Why don’t you wait until after the holidays? Then you two can talk about this.”

“I want to invite them over for Christmas. Everyone is coming to my house and I wanted her real family to be there. She deserves to have a family.”

“I don’t know man. I still think I would talk to her first. At least mention it before shit blows up in your face.”

“Thanks for the support, bro. Keep an eye on Londyn. I have a call to make.”

Trent grunted as I got up and made my way down the hall to my office. Sitting at my desk I picked up the business card. Mr. Aaron Halt, Private Investigator.

Dialing his number I waited for an answer. “Hello, this is Aaron Halt.”

“Hi. My name is Gage Tucker. I was calling to hopefully get some help from you.” I was fidgeting with my watch. My nerves getting the best of me. Maybe Trent was right.

“What is it that I can help you with, Mr. Tucker?”

“My girlfriend. Well, really it’s her family. My girlfriend was in and out of foster care. Her sister was adopted when they were little. I wanted to try and find her mom and sister in time for the holidays. Surprise my girlfriend.”

“Of course. That is something I can definitely help with. I just need a little more information. What is your girlfriend’s name?”

“Annie Nicole Holland.”

“Her date of birth?”

“July twenty first, nineteen ninety.”

“Was she born in Alabama?”

“That I know of, yes.”

“What is her mother’s name?”

“Vicky. I’m assuming her last name is Holland as well.”

“OK. And her sisters name?”

“Heather. I know she is two years younger than Annie. She was adopted around the time she was six. Other than that, I don’t know anything else.”

“This is a good starting point, Mr. Tucker. I will start my research and keep in touch as things progress. Hopefully I can have them reunited in time for the holidays.”

“Thank you, Mr. Halt.”

We hung up and I let out a deep breath. That was easier than I thought. Now all I had to do was wait.

Two weeks passed before Mr. Halt called me back.

“Mr. Tucker, Mr. Halt here. I have some good news. I found your girlfriends mom and sister. They actually have been in contact with each other the past few years. Heather lives about an hour outside of Fairhope and Vicky lives in Pensacola. I have a number for both woman if you would like.”

Scrambling around to find a pen and paper I jotted down the numbers he rattled off. “Thank you so much, Mr. Halt. I will have your check in the mail tomorrow morning.”

“It was my pleasure, Mr. Tucker. Good luck.”

I hung up my phone and sat it on my desk. The numbers on the paper were staring at me. Taunting me. Leaning back in my office chair I rubbed my palms over my eyes. Should I do this? Fuck it. I came this far. No going back now.

“Hello?” A quiet female voice answered.

Clearing my throat, I said, “Um. Hi. I was looking for Heather.”

“This is her. Who’s calling?”

“My name is Gage Tucker. My girlfriend is your sister, Annie.”

“My…my sister? I haven’t seen her since I was six. How did you find me?”

“I had a little help. I was wondering if you would maybe want to meet.” My voice full of hope.

“Um. Yeah. I think so.” She sounded unsure.

“We could meet somewhere public if it makes you feel better. I was also going to contact your mom and see if she would meet with me.”

“I can call her. When would you like to meet?” She sounded a little more at ease.

“I live in Fairhope. Would you want to meet at Passions on Saturday at one?” I knew Annie would have Gabe and most likely meet her friends on the beach since it was supposed to be nice. No chance of her seeing us. Sneaking behind her back felt wrong and had a small knot forming in my stomach, but I pushed it back. In the end, seeing her face when she met her mom and sister would be worth it.

“Yeah. That should work. I will call my mom and make sure that is okay with her.”

“Can I ask you something first?”

She paused for a moment before saying, “Sure.”

“Is your mom better? You know, clean.”

“Yes. Five years now.”

A little relief. “Ok. Thank you. So, I will plan on Saturday. If something changes you can call me at this number and let me know.”

“Thank you, Gage.”

Ilooked at my watch for the umpteenth time since sitting down in the small diner. Five minutes until one. I was getting nervous. My legs were bouncing and my palms were sweaty.

I glanced at the door. There was a younger woman, around twenty walking in with an older woman, around forty. They spoke to the hostess and she pointed in my direction. I took a drink of water and stood.

“Gage?” Heather asked.

I stuck my hand out to her. “Yes. You must be Heather.”

“It’s so nice to meet you.” She put her hand on her mom’s arm. “This is my mom, Vicky.”

Heather was the total opposite of Annie. She had light blonde hair and golden brown eyes. Vicky looked a lot like Annie. Same dark brown hair and blue yes. But Vicky looked tired. The years of drug abuse showing. “Hi, Vicky. Gage Tucker. So nice to meet you. Please, take a seat and we can talk.” I pulled out the chair next to me for Vicky. She patted my hand and smiled sweetly.

“Gage, I can’t thank you enough for this.” Vicky sat beside me.

Heather was sitting across from me. She looked as nervous I was. “What made you decided to look for us?”

I wasn’t sure if I should say, but I wanted them to know about Annie. What she has struggled through and came out on top. I ran my finger over my lips. “She hasn’t had it easy. She bounced around foster homes growing up. When she was seventeen she got pregnant by the guy she thought she would married. Before her son, Gabe was born he was killed in a car wreck. She raised her son by herself for five years. She has done an amazing job. She has worked her ass off to get where she is. I’m proud of her. The one thing she can’t work for…her family. She deserves her family. If I can give her that, then I will.”

Heather’s eyes were filled with tears. Vicky was staring at the tablecloth. I didn’t mean to make her feel like shit, but she needed to hear the truth.

“Sounds like she is very lucky to have found you.” Vicky spoke through her tears.

Shaking my head I said with confidence, “No. I am the lucky one. She came into my life when I needed her most. I can never repay her enough for what she has done for my daughter and me. If you two were open to the idea, I wanted to invite you to my house on Christmas. You can spend Christmas as a family.”

“I would love nothing more than reuniting with my daughter. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think about her. I have wanted to find her for so long. I was too afraid though. The last thing she ever said to me was ‘I hate you’. I hear those words replay in my mind all the time. I was afraid of what I would find if I found her. If she would resent me. So, in my head I created this fantasy life for her. She was married to a millionaire and they had the typical two point five kids with a summer home on the beach. She was happy and better off without me.”

Heather reached across the table. “Mom. She will forgive you, I did. You’re sober now. You’re healthy. You’re in control of your life.”

“She is happy, Vicky. I just think there is a huge hole where her family should be. I want to fill her holes and make her complete.”

“You’re in love with her.” Vicky stated.

Chewing on my bottom lip, I nodded. “Yes ma’am I am.”

She had tears running down her face. “If you two would excuse me.” She got up in a rush and went in the direction of the bathroom.

Heather wiped under her eyes. “I haven’t seen my sister in almost fifteen years. Seeing that she has someone so in love with her that he goes out of his way to find her family makes me happy.”

She put both her arms around me and hugged me. “Thank you for making my sister happy.”

I liked Heather. I barely knew her, but I liked her. I wrapped one arm around her and said, “You don’t have to thank me. She is the one that makes me happy. She makes me whole.”

Annie

I was sitting on the couch when Gage got back to his house.

“Annie. I thought you had to work tonight?” Gage looked shocked to see me. His voice was calm, though.

“Who was she?” I blurted out.

He tossed his keys onto the entry table and walked over to me. “Who was who?”

“Gage, don’t you dare play fucking stupid with me. I saw you. I saw her. Your hands were all over each other.” He had the audacity to stand in front of me looking clueless. “The girl from Passion, Gage. Who the hell was she?”

His eyes widened slightly. “Oh. You saw her?” His voice was tight.

“Obviously,” I stated flatly.  His eyes darted around the room. I could tell he was trying to make up an excuse. “Are you going to tell me? Don’t lie to me, Gage. Anything else we can work out. But, not a lie.”

He ran his hands through his hair. “She was no one.”

“You looked awfully close to no one.”

“I can’t tell you who she was. You just have to trust me. I’m not perfect, but I wouldn’t cheat.”

Trust him! Was he fuckin’ nuts? I saw him all over some blonde and he expects me to trust him. Bullshit. I bolted off the couch. “I don’t want fucking perfect. I want honest. No. I’m done trusting and believing. Life isn’t some God damn fairytale. Life is nasty. Especially mine. I was dealt a shit hand from the beginning. I’ve survived. I have Gabe, that’s all I need.”

Gage raked his hands through his hair and dropped to his knees. “Please don’t do this. All I’m asking for is a little trust. I swear it’s not what you think. You, Londyn, and Gabe are all I have left. I swear I can fix this. We aren’t broken, this can be fixed.”

Closing my eyes so my tears wouldn’t fall I shook my head. “No, Gage. This can’t be fixed. I told you don’t lie to me and EVERYTHING else can be fixed. You lied. I saw with my own eyes…you and some girl together. I can’t deal with another liar in my life. I thought you were genuinely a good guy. Turns out you’re genuinely a good douche bag.”

Starting to turn Gage grabbed my hand. Taking a deep breath I looked down and for the first time ever I saw Gage crying. I wanted to pull him into my arms and tell him everything would be ok…but it wouldn’t. He looked broken. I was broken.

“I’m begging you, please don’t leave. If you leave I have no one.”

Jerking my hand away I took a few steps away from him. Narrowing my eyes I said, “That’s not true. You have a family. You have friends. You have a fucking daughter that needs you. Her mother is gone, Gage. You. That’s the only parent she has left. I’m not going to be that pathetic girlfriend of the rich football star who stays home to raise their kids while he’s out screwing around. When you get your shit together, then and only then, do I want to be with you.”

Grabbing the doorknob I looked back one last time to see Gage bent over, his head resting on the floor. His body shaking with sobs. Just as my tears started to fall I turned and walked out, shutting the door behind be. Hoping I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life.

24

Gage

Sitting at the kitchen bar, I watched as my mom, Jenna’s mom, and Cobie’s mom prepared the food for Christmas dinner. I hadn’t seen or talked to Annie in almost three weeks. It was killing me. My mom leaned on the counter, her eyes speaking louder than her words. She was hurting for me. “Sweetie, why don’t you go in there with everyone else? Spend time with your friends. We got the food covered. Go relax and try to enjoy yourself.”

My voice cracked. “I want her mom. I need her. I fucked up. Bad. I let her believe I was cheating on her instead of just telling her the truth. She hates me.”

“Is she still bringing Gabe over for dinner and presents?” My mom asked. Completely ignoring everything I just said.

I shrugged. “I hope so. I mean, her mom and sister are still coming. But, I doubt it. Leigha said she would talk to her and if nothing else, maybe she could drop Gabe off for a few hours.”

Placing her hand on mine my mom said, “Honey, I am on your team, always. But, maybe you should have told her what you were doing. She saw you with your arms around some other female. She was hurt. It didn’t help that you wouldn’t explain to her what she was seeing. I know if you tell her what you were trying to do for her she would forgive you.”

“She won’t give me a chance to tell her anything.”

“Make her listen. Sometimes you have to force yourself on someone. Especially someone who has been through everything she has.”

“I don’t know. I want to believe you, but I don’t want to risk it.”

“If you’re not willing to risk it, why should she?” My mom cupped my cheek. “Today, focus on Londyn and her first Christmas. Everything else can wait.”

Swallowing roughly I nodded. “All my problems will be there tomorrow, huh?”

My mom smiled. “Unfortunately, yes they will.”

Hopping off the barstool I drug my feet into the living room where everyone else was sitting around talking and listening to Christmas music. Maybe I wasn’t as alone as I thought. My house was full of smiles and laughter. Everyone I cared about was here. Almost everyone. Jenna was sitting with Sadie and Leigha on the couch, looking at some sordid tabloid. I’m sure it was about one of them and what they were to some function. Women! Tyler, Trent, Larkin, and Kamp were all sitting on the floor, letting the throng of kids climb on them. Jase and Lydia were snuggled in front of the fire, watching the kids play. Ryker and Reid were in a heated battle about some song lyrics. My dad was reading the newspaper, per usual. Jenna’s little brother Dakota had his ear buds in, ignoring the world. Dylan and Mac were sitting next to each other, her arms crossed and head turned away from my brother. He looked desperate. Those two would be married one day, I would bet a million dollars on it. Jinx was sitting with Libby on his lap, both laughing at the kids. Tristan was sitting in the corner on the piano bench. His fingers lightly playing the keys. Walking across the room I grabbed my guitar. I sat on the stone ledge and started following along. He glanced up from the piano and gave me a hard nod. We both understood. We both missed our best friend.

Before I realized we were playing a semi acoustic version of Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold. Tristan softly singing the lyrics. I shut my eyes, letting myself get lost in the music. Music has always been my escape. I hadn’t played my guitar in close to year. It felt good to have it back in my hands. Music was predictable. It was safe.

The hair on my arms pricked up and my heart raced. She was here. She was watching me. I could feel her electricity in the room. I didn’t want to open my eyes and see it was all in my head and that in fact she wasn’t here. I kept playing, my eyes shut. Then, I smelled her. She was close. Slowly, I opened my eyes. Everyone was watching.

Everyone.

She was here. She was watching me. She had tears in her eyes. Our eyes met and it took everything I had not to drop my guitar and run to her, pull her into my arms and tell her how much I loved her. She narrowed her eyes before dropping my gaze. She jerked her head away from me and walked to the Christmas tree, setting the presents she and Gabe had gotten under it. My eyes following her every movement.

She looked around the room, all eyes had shifted from me to her. She looked uncomfortable. Tristan and I ended our little performance. Setting my guitar down I couldn’t stop myself. I started walking toward Annie. She was a magnet that I couldn’t avoid. I didn’t want to.

When she lifted her head and saw me coming toward her she slightly shook her head. “Dinner is served,” Carrie called from the doorway of the dining room.

After everyone was seated, Jenna’s mom raised her glass of wine and tapped it with a fork. “If I could have everyone’s attention. I know none of us here have been big on praying. But, after the last few years we’ve had I think now is as good a time as any to start. Gage would you lead us in prayer?”

All eyes were on me. “Okay, I can do that.” I took a deep breath. Jenna was to my left and reached for my hand. My mom was on my right, placing her hand in mine. Everyone around the table joined hands and bowed their heads. I shut my eyes and spoke softly, “Dear Heavenly Father, as so many doors have closed this year we want to thank you for all the new doors you have opened. Help us and guide us in understanding and our faith. Help us trust in you and lean on you. Thank you for never leaving our sides in our times of need. We wouldn’t be all sitting here together right now if it wasn’t for you. You brought us all together for a reason. Thanks for your many blessings. Amen.” I opened my eyes and lifted my head. Annie was staring at me, her eyes glossy from unshed tears.

My mom tapped my shoulder. “That was perfect, sweetheart.”

Annie dropped her eyes and started scooping food onto her plate. “Yeah. Thanks, mom.”

Sitting back in my chair I watched as the girl I loved laughed, carefree. She looked perfect in my home. Her eyes met with mine and her smile slipped a little. Her eyes filled with sadness. I hated that I was the reason for that. Why did I have to be so damn hard headed? This could have been avoided if I would have told her what I was doing. But, no I wanted it to be a surprise. A surprise that I wouldn’t get to be a part of anymore.

“Who is ready for presents?” I asked over the talking and laughter.

Evie jumped up and down. “Me! Me, Unky Gage!”

“Let me clear the table then we can all retire to the living room for presents and dessert.” My mom sounded so formal.

“Screw the dishes. This is Christmas. You have presents waiting. Come on.”

Everyone made their way to the living room and found the perfect present unwrapping spot. “Who wants to pass out the presents?” Larkin asked.

Tyler stood and walked to the tree that was overflowing with presents. “Just call me Mr. Claus.” Tyler spent the better part of an hour passing out all the presents. “Kids first. Dig in.”

He didn’t have to tell the kids a second time. Wrapping paper was flying. Londyn looked overwhelmed. Sitting beside her I helped her open her mountain of gifts. My mom was walking around snapping picture after picture of all the kids and their new goodies.

“No way!” Gabe screeched.

Most of the adults looked at him. Annie asked, “What?”

He held up the three tickets I had gotten him. “Uncle Jase said Gage got me Superbowl tickets, mom!”

Annie forced a smile. “That is awesome, baby. You need to tell Gage thank you.”

Gabe hopped off the floor and climbed over wrapping paper, people, and presents to get to me. He threw his arms around my neck. “Thank you, Gage.” Having him hug me had my emotions on edge.

I pulled a small square box from my pocket and handed it to him. “Give this to your mom and tell her to open it, please.”

He took the box, nodded and made the journey back to his present unwrapping location.

“Gage, are you serious right now?” Tristan asked from the other side of the room.

Keeping my eyes on Annie, I asked, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You got us a deal to go to L.A. and record an album.”

“Oh, yeah. I just set up the appointment. The rest is all you guys.”

“Fuckin’ awesome. Thanks, man.”

I nodded.

Annie finally had her present, she glanced at me before taking the paper off. I swear she is the slowest person ever to unwrap a gift. Popping the lid she covered her mouth with one hand. I took that as a good thing.

As if on cue, my doorbell rang.  That could only be two people. Vicky and Heather. Only my mom and Trent knew I had invited them tonight. I looked at Trent who was frozen in place. His smile slipping. He looked as nervous as I was. I wanted to bolt to the door. Instead every step was struggled. It took me further from Annie and closer to her possibly walking out of my life for good. I slowly opened the door to find Heather and Vicky on the other side. The each were holding a few gifts.

Annie

Icouldn’t believe Gage got me a diamond bracelet. It was gorgeous. What had me in tears was the inscription on the inside.

Because Maybe You’re Going To Be The One That Saves Me

I didn’t want to be the one that saved him. I just wanted to be THE one. I was a mess but I was completely in love with him. Pulling the bracelet out of the velvet holder I put it on my wrist. I looked perfect.

When I looked up he was gone. What the hell? Actually the room was quiet. I looked around and saw my face. Well if I had done drugs for twenty five years and was roughly twenty years older. My heart was beating so fast I was waiting for it to jump out of my chest. I tried to talk but my voice left me. I open and shut my mouth over and over. Still no noise was coming.

“Annie?” The blonde that had her arms all over Gage that day in the diner asked from beside my older twin.

“Merry Christmas, Annie.” Gage said from between the two women.

My tears came quick. I didn’t have time to think. I was running. I ran down the hall and into Gage’s office. I slammed the door.

There was a knock on the door before Gage slowly opened it. “Annie, can I come in?”

I couldn’t look at him. “It’s your house.”

He took a few steps in the room and asked, “Did I fuck up by finding your mom and sister? I thought you wanted a family. I wanted to give you that for Christmas.” I looked up. He looked hurt. He wet his lips and took a few steps closer to me. “I wanted our first Christmas together to be special. I had my family and I wanted you to have yours.”

“I…I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.” I was honest.

“What if I have them come in here and the three of you can talk alone?” His voice was small. I had crushed his Christmas present. What did he expect me to do? I hadn’t seen my mom or sister in fifteen years. Did he expect me to drop everything and run to them with open arms?

“Okay,” I said quietly. I wanted him to know I appreciated what he did. As he was walking out of the door I said, “Thank you.”

He paused mid step, looking over his shoulder. “Anything for you, Annie.”

I took a few calming breaths as I waited. There was another knock on the door. “Come in,” I spoke softly.

My mom and sister entered hastily. The three of us just looking at each other.

“Annie, I’m so sorry.” My mom was the first to break the silence. “I never meant to hurt you. I hate myself every day for what I put you and Heather through. Gage told us about your past. If I could, I would go back and do so many things differently. I would have been the mom you two girls deserved.”

Maybe it was the Christmas spirit or maybe it was the little bit of hope I had. I looked in her identical blue eyes and said, “I’m beginning to learn that moving on doesn’t mean that you forget about the things that happened. It just means you have to accept what happened and continue living. That’s what I’m choosing to do. I’m choosing to move on.” I held out my hand for her. “My name is Annie, I’m your daughter.”

Her tears were threatening to spill over. “Hello Annie, I’m Vicky, your mom.”

Heather lunged at me. “Hi, Annie. I’m your sister, Heather.”

We spent most of the night holed up in Gage’s office getting to know each other. I wanted to throw myself in Gage’s arms for giving me my family. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted this. But after getting to know them, I felt like I finally belonged somewhere. I had a family.

Then I thought about the lie. He chose to let me hurt instead of telling me the truth. I couldn’t handle hurt. I needed time to sort everything out. I wasn’t sure if my love could survive the hurt.

25

Gage

I loved New Year’s Eve. It was a fresh start. A new year, a new chance. Everything I needed.

Leigha promised me she would get Annie here tonight. I was counting on it. Annie wanted to play hard to get…I could play right back. I wanted her, she knew it. She wanted me, I knew it. Now, I just had to prove it to her.

Annie

I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to face Gage. I hadn’t seen him since Christmas. I wasn’t ready. Damn Leigha. If it wasn’t for her and my unableness to tell her no I wouldn’t be here. I could be sitting at home snuggled on the couch with Gabe. Instead, here I am. I’m holding some fruity mixed drink and watching people have fun. Well woo fuckin’ hoo!

My drunk best friend grabbed my drink and held it to my mouth. “Drink up, bitch. I just put in a few requests to Jase and the boys. Hope you remember the dance. We about to get crunk up in this motha fucka.”

Letting the alcohol run down my throat, I drained the glass. “Did you just say crunk?”

Leigha giggled. Holding her hands in the air, she shook around. “Sure did, babycakes. Now, let’s go boogie.”

Boogie…crunk. Oh yeah, she was toasted. “Wait. What dance?”

“You’ll see. I only asked Jase to play one song. He insisted on playing another song. He said it’s dedicated to you. Hurry your ass up. Lydia is at the bar waiting on us.”

Drunk Leigha attached herself to my arm and drug us through the packed dance floor, straight to the bar where Lydia was downing a shot. “What are we doing?” I asked Lydia, hoping to get an answer from her.

She handed me a shot glass and said, “You need to loosen up and have fun. Jase, Leigha, and I decided to make that happen.”

Taking the small glass I tipped it back. The tequila burning all the way down. Slamming the glass on the bar I looked from Leigha to Lydia. “Now what?”

The both held up a finger, telling me to wait one minute. Then I heard it. The Devil Went Down to Georgia. “Coyote Ugly?” I laughed

Both girls nodded and climbed onto the bar. It had been years since we did this dance. The guys used to play the song all the time and we took it upon ourselves to learn the dance from the movie Coyote Ugly. What the hell. Why not?

Hopping on the bar with two of my best friends I fell right into the steps they had already started. I still remembered the dance, thank God. It would have been embarrassing as hell to get up here and my mind go derrr. Letting myself go I shimmied, and shook, and popped. I could hear all the cat calls and hollering coming from the crowd. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t care how slutty I looked. I wanted to have fun and forget.

Looking out at the crowd my eyes instantly found Gage’s. He was at a high top table a few feet from the bar with Trent and a few other guys they played football with. Even from here I could see how dark his eyes were. He was watching me like he was a jungle cat that hadn’t ate for months and I was a juicy steak dangling in front of him. He licked his lips. His mouth twitched. A part of me wanted him to grab me off this bar and take me in the back, fucking me senseless. The more coherent, wiser me wanted to jump off this bar and run. Far, far away. He smirked. He knew.

The song ended and Tristan talked into the microphone. “Ladies and Gentlemen. We have three sexy little ladies waiting at the bar. Five dollars plus tips for a body shot. Go get ‘em.” When he stopped talking the band started playing the beginning cords of Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard.

I had to laugh. Leigha leaned into me. “Jase said this was his song to you.” Body shots. After the guys had a show they would always do body shots off of us. This brings back a lot of memories. Happy memories.

There was a hand being slammed down on the bar by my foot. “One hundred fuckin’ dollars and I want her.” Gage yelled, pointing up at me.

Shit.

“What’ll it be, sir?” The makeshift bartender asked.

Gage looked me in eye and winked. “Tequila. Make it a double.”

Lydia yanked on my arm. “Lay down for that sexy paying customer. He just paid a hundred fucking dollars to lick alcohol off of you when we all know he could do that for free.”

Glaring at her, I said, “I have to pee.”

“Bullshit. Lie down and let him run his mouth over you.”

I could do this. I could play his little games just as good as he could. Taking a calming breath I sat so my legs were hanging over the edge of the bar, spread just enough for Gage to stand between them. Hooking my finger so he would come closer I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth. I knew exactly what that did to him. I heard him growl as I whispered, “You know what I like. You know how to use that tongue of yours. Make me earn that money, baby.”

I leaned back. His eyes were so dark they looked black. Sexy. His eyes were half lidded. He was turned on.

Gage pushed my shoulders back until I was flat on the bar. He lifted my shirt and watched as the bar tender sprinkled salt up my stomach. He looked at Gage, asking, “Mouth or breasts?”

Flicking his eyes to me, Gage answered, “Mouth.”

The bartender nodded and placed the lime in my mouth. He took the bottle of tequila and poured it into my belly button. I tried to keep from squirming. I failed. The way Gage was looking at me had me involuntarily rubbing my thighs together. Thus causing some of the alcohol to spill over and run down my sides.

“She’s all yours, sir.” The bartender said, stepping away.

Gage slowly ran his tongue across his top teeth. He bent over top of me. The moment his tongue hit my stomach I had to grip onto the bar to stop myself from running my hands through his hair. He circled my navel slowly, keeping his eyes locked on mine. I couldn’t watch him any longer. I pinched my eyes shut. He nipped just below my navel before sucking the alcohol up. Then his mouth was on mine. Not long enough. When his lips brushed mine he pulled back, the lime wedge in his mouth. What I wouldn’t give to be that lime.

What started out as me trying to turn him on ended up with my turned on, covered in alcohol, and him smirking before he walked away. Fucker!

Six body shots later the girls and I were hopping off the bar, making our way to the bathroom to wipe our sticky stomachs off. Wiping at my stomach Leigha said, “I didn’t expect Gage to do that. He was totally hot in a macho, me is man and she is my woman kinda way.”

“I tried fucking with him but he totally turned it around and turned me on. Now I’ll have to go home and see if my B.O.B still loves me.”

Lydia shook her head. “Screw that. Have you seen some of the men out there?”

Honestly, no. All I’ve seen is Gage since August. “Yeah,” I lied. “I am not going to start my new year off with some random Ronnie from the bar.”

Leigha shook her head. “That’s not what she’s saying. Just dance with a few of them. Caveman Gage will appear and swoop you away. Then y’all can fuck out your frustrations.”

Gage and I might not be the best at communication, but we had the fucking down to perfection. That’s what we did instead of talk. Now we were paying for it. “As much as I would love to have him rip my clothes off and let him have his way with me. We have a lot we need to work out first. I don’t know if we can ever work through our issues.”

“Do you want to be with him?” Lydia asked.

Staring at her like she was a moron, I said, “Duh.”

“Then you’ll make it work. Do you think Jase and I get along all the time? Hell no. He drives me absolutely fucking insane. But, I love him and he’s worth the fight. You just have to ask yourself if Gage is worth the fight. No one can answer that but you.”

Leigha hugged me. “Gage is a great guy. Look at everything he has done for you and Gabe. Hell, look at what he did for my brother and the band. They are recording an album because of him. I know you want to hear him tell you he loves you, but look at all the ways he has shown you he loves you. He loves you, anyone can see that. He’s scared, just like you. And your skittery ass isn’t helping. You can’t run every time something isn’t perfect or you get nervous. He has to know you’re in this, too.”

I hated when my friends were right. Crossing my arms, I sulked. “You know, I really hate when you two are right.”

Lydia smacked my ass. “Get used to it. I’m always right, just ask Jase. Let’s go dance.”

I tossed my wet paper towel into the trash. I wanted to find Gage and dance with him. I wanted to feel him close to me. The girls didn’t give me a chance to look for him. The each grabbed one of my hands and pulled me into the middle of the crowded dance floor. The beat of the music pulsing in my veins.

“The guys will be taking a break soon. You can go find Gage then.” Lydia yelled over the band.

I nodded and started rocking to the beat. I felt hands on my hips, pulling me back. I didn’t fight and kept with my rhythm. Smiling I looked at Leigha and Lydia. They were both laughing and dancing together. Their eyes widened, smiles fell from their faces. They stopped dancing and froze.

“Get the fuck off of her.”

Looking to my left I found Gage. He was inches from me. Looking at the guy behind me I offered an apologetic smile.

“I’ll tell you one last time, Davis. Take your fuckin’ hands off my girl. Now,” Gage bit out.

The guy known as Davis dropped his hands a scooted away. Unphased, he grabbed the next girl and started dancing with her. When I turned back to ask Gage what the hell he was doing, he was gone.

Lydia and Leigha pointed to the bar. Leigha smirked. “Told you. Caveman Gage is hot as fuck.”

Huffing, I stomped in the direction on the bar. Gage was sitting on a stool surrounded by other guys he played football with. Stopping just behind him I tapped his shoulder. He glanced over his shoulder before swinging his legs around to face me.

“Can I help you?” His voice was cocky.

Putting one hand on my hip I flung my other in toward the dance floor. “Yeah. What the fuck was that?

He lowered his head, making me squirm under his heated stare with those bedroom eyes, I shifted on my feet. My panties were soaked. I was pissed.

Leaning in just enough so his breath brushed my ear Gage growled, “Oh sweetheart, don’t be so naive. Your sexiness is so damn distracting. The thoughts I have about you are so fuckin’ filthy the EPA should arrest me.” He lightly bit my earlobe as he leaned back. He took a long pull from his beer. Pulling the bottle from his lips he winked at me and gave me that panty melting smile before turning his attention back to his friends. Like he didn’t have a care in the world, he continued his conversation as if he didn’t just fuck me with his words.

Damn that guy and the things he does to my lady parts…even when I don’t want him to.

Forcing my way between Gage and some huge guy to his right I got the attention of the bartender. “Shots. Tequila. Keep ‘em coming.”

The bartender nodded and grabbed a shot glass, filling it up. I threw it back and sat the glass down. He filled it back up and I swallowed the alcohol, setting the glass back down. We kept up the routine until I had seven shots in me.

Big guy to my right asked, “Darlin’ you sure someone your size should be slammin’ shots back like that?”

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “Are chu jusa sweetheart? I’an handle s’alcohol. Dat right, Misser Tucker?” My words sounded like a jumbled mess even to me.

Gage gave a quick nod to the bartender who sat another shot glass on the bar and filled it up. Gage wrapped his mouth around the glass and tossed the glass back. “Don’t worry, Mike. She’s mine. I got her.”

Big guy to my right smiled. Gage and I did three more shots before Leigha joined us. She looked pissed. She grabbed my shot and drank. “Bitch. Get’r own.”

“Fine. I’ll take what she has. A never ending supply please.” Leigha batted her lashes at the bartender.

My head was screaming at me. My stomach wanted to lurch outside of my body. I felt like death. Cracking my eyes open I looked around. I was at Gage’s house. I was in Gage’s bed…alone.

On the nightstand next to me was a thermos of coffee, a bottle of aspirin, and a banana. Using the coffee I took four aspirin and ate half the banana. My stomach was hating me. Against my better judgment I slowly got out of bed. Walking down the hall I heard giggling coming from one of the rooms. You can’t be serious? He puts me in his bed then takes another girl to one of his spare rooms? I had angry and hurt tears fighting my eyes. Trying to get passed the sound as fast as possible I clenched my jaw to stop the pounding in my head and ran down the stairs.

Gage was in the kitchen. How could he be in the kitchen and upstairs at the same time?

“Would you like some bacon?”

I stood stunned. “How did I get here? And, who’s up there?” I pointed toward the ceiling.

Gage gave me the ‘I don’t feel like answer dumbass question looks’ before saying, “Trent and Leigha. How do you think you got here, Annie? I had one of my men drive your car over this morning. You were shitfaced. I wasn’t about to leave you alone in a bar full of horny men and wish you luck. You’re mine.”

Sighing, I shook my head. “No, Gage, I’m not. I don’t think I ever really was.”

He took a few steps toward me and I held my hands up. “Don’t, okay?” I walked passed him and out the back door.

26

Annie

Picking up a handful of sand I watched as it fell through my fingers. I felt hands rub my shoulders and Gage’s rough voice asked, “You ok?”

I had to do this. I had to end it. This was too much. I loved Gage. I guess sometimes you can love someone too much. Gage sat beside me. He pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them. I knew he could feel it. He wasn’t a moron.

“When do you decide to throw the towel in? To give up? Admit that you’re fighting a lost cause?” I looked up from the sand, to see Gage watching me. “This is too much, Gage. I am so tired of fighting this. Fighting the inevitable. I quit. I can’t do this anymore. It’s breaking me down. I’m not happy.”

Gage looked at the crashing waves. “I gave you your family, Annie. What more do you want?” He let out an empty laugh, “You know, the last time a girl ended things with me it was on the beach, too.”

“This is what I’m talking about. I feel like I am the only person fighting for us. Was I just a girl who kept your dick wet? Is that all I was?” I could hear my voice getting higher.

Gage ground his teeth. His jaw was ticking. He snapped his head to me and yelled, “What the fuck? I gave you what you wanted so you would be happy. You told me you wanted to be with me, only me. I agreed. I wanted you to be happy. Do you know how many girls I told no because I had made a promise to you?”

“Wow! Seriously, that’s all you can say? You’re not even going to try and stop me from leaving?”

“What the hell do you want, Annie? I could tell you I can’t breathe without you, but that would be a lie. I don’t need someone to breathe. I could tell you I would die without you, but that would be a lie. I will keep on livin’ long after you’re gone. I could profess my undying love but again, fuckin’ lie. I don’t love you. I can’t love you. I won’t love you. Not the way you want me to.”

Jumping to my feet, I took off walking down the beach toward Gage’s house. “Fuck you Gage Tucker. I am done with this back and forth shit. When you figure out what you want, talk to me. Maybe I will forgive you. Until then, screw you.”

I needed to pack my stuff and go. I was done with his games. My heart and my head couldn’t take anymore. Walking into his house, I shut the door and ran up the stairs to his room. I had my stuff packed and in my car before Gage walked into the house. I saw him coming through the back door as I was shutting the front door, tossing my key onto the entry table just before the door closed. I didn’t wait to see if Gage was going to come after me. I got in my car and drove away. Leaving my heart behind.

Pulling into the driveway of my small two bedroom condo I shut my car off. Gabe was still gone. I had time to unpack and get my shit together. My son didn’t need to see me a mess.

Walking into my bedroom I saw the picture of Gage and I from his first game as a Saint. He was covered in sweat and looked amazing.

I lost it.

“You have to go. You already RSVP’d that you would be there. I need you to be there. I don’t want to sit by myself watching Trent’s friends get married. I mean the few times I have been around them they seem pretty cool but boo! Don’t make me go alone. Pretty please?” Leigha was practically begging at this point.

Flopping down on my bed I let my breath out. “I can’t be around him. I love Sadie and I don’t want to hurt her but I don’t want drama to ensue at her wedding.”

Leigha stood her ground. “Damn you hard headed woman. Get off your damn ass, get a sexy little dress on and let’s go. This isn’t about you and Gage. This is for Tyler and Sadie. Ignore dumbass and have fun. Maybe you can meet some hot football player and make Gage cray jelly. But you need to get your ass ready and to the wedding to do that. Now let’s go!”

Rolling my eyes I shoved off my bed and to my feet. “Will you shut the hell up? I’m getting ready. Now go away.”

“Yay! I can’t go anywhere. Who else is going to make you look bangable? Oh, I know, you should wear that light yellow gown you got for that awards show you are supposed to go to with Gage. It fits you perfect. It’s long and flowy and makes you look like a beach angel. Totally hot.”

Groaning, I said sarcastically, “What’s wrong with what I have on?” Looking down at my over-sized tee shirt and sweatpants, I smirked.

Leigha stuck her tongue out before turning on her heel and walking to my closet. Flinging the door back she rummaged through my clothes. “Ah! Here it is. It’s even more gorgeous than I remember. It will get all the guys attention.”

“Whatever. I don’t want attention. I just want to go say congrats to Sadie and Ty then leave.”

“Oh don’t worry sweetie. I will have you leaving, just not by yourself. Some big, ripped, manly football player will be taking your hot little ass home tonight.”

Yanking the dress from Leigha I stomped into the bathroom to get changed.

After changing I let her attempt to tame my hair. She pinned it to the side with my natural curls laying over my shoulder. It was simple but looked good.

“Let’s make those beautiful blues shine,” Leigha said as she pulled my makeup bag out from under the bathroom sink. “Sit. I got this covered. Just close your eyes and when you open them you will look like a magical fairy princess.”

“What the hell? Did a unicorn shit in your yogurt this morning? Everything coming out of your mouth is covered in glitter and sparkles.”

She huffed. “No. I’m just happy. Not everyone has gone weeks without sex.”

Good point.

Twenty minutes later Leigha stepped away from me, a huge smile on her face. “I knew my best friend was a hot mama but damn girl. You are gorgeous.”

Spinning on the toilet seat to look in the mirror, my jaw dropped. “Wow.”

Giggling, she said, “Yeah. I know. Now let’s go so we aren’t late.”

Of course, Sadie and Tyler’s wedding was on the beach. The beach directly behind Gage’s bar. The bar I haven’t stepped foot in since I walked away from Gage that day on the beach. Leigha found a parking spot in the lot and pulled her car in. “Ready Freddy?”

Damn. I really needed to find a new best friend. She was perkier than her perfect perky boobs.

Opening my door, I said, “Sure. Let’s get this over with.”

Letting my eyes roam, I was instantly looking for Gage. Not seeing him in the crowd of people made a little knot form in my stomach. As much as I hated to say it, I was hoping to see him.

Lacing her arm through mine, Leigha softly said, “He’s here. I’m sure he’s locked away with Tyler somewhere. Sadie didn’t want Tyler to see her before the wedding. Relax.”

…And that’s why I wouldn’t find a new best friend. She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

I smiled. Without saying anything I led us to a row of white folding chairs a few rows from the front. On the seat waiting for all the guest was a small glass vase filled with sand and seashells. Etched on the glass was this verse which had me fighting my tears.

LOVE.

Love is Patient.

Love is Kind.

It does not envy.

It does not boast.

It is not proud.

It is not rude.

It is not self-seeking.

It is not easily angered.

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil.

Love rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects.

Love always trusts.

Love always hopes.

Love always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

“Hmm.” Leigha was smiling from the seat beside me.

“What?”

“Just thinking how ironic that little verse is. That’s all.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I slouched down in the chair and kicked at the sand. “I really need a new best friend.” Leigha stuck her bottom lip out like she was Gabe begging for a new toy. “That lip shit doesn’t work with Gabe, it sure as hell isn’t going to work with you.” She stuck her tongue out before opening the program she grabbed on our way in.

Soft music started playing. Looking back I saw Tyler walking up the isle with the pastor. Tyler looked happy. Making the mistake of looking back again, I saw Gage walking two older ladies down the aisle. The woman on his left looked identical to Sadie. You could tell the woman on his right was related to Tyler, though the resemblance wasn’t as close as Sadie and her mom. He started laughing when Sadie’s mom whispered something to him. His eyes scanned the crowd. He found me. Once our eyes locked he never took them off of me. Even turning his head back once he was passed me to keep his eyes locked with mine.

I wanted to look away. I wanted to, but I didn’t. I stood when I heard the bridal march play, but never looked at Sadie. I couldn’t. Gage had all my attention.

Have you ever seen those episodes of Charlie Brown where the adults talk but all you hear is WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA? That was exactly what I was experiencing. All my focus was on Gage. Leigha noticed and nudged me with her elbow, pulling me out of my Gage trance. I was still watching him but I was giving Tyler and Sadie my attention.

As Tyler repeated his vows to Sadie it looked as if Gage was saying those same vows to me.

Why? Why would he do this to me?

Leaning over so I was close to Leigha’s ear I whispered, “I can’t do this, Le. As soon as they say ‘I do’ I’m outta here.”

Leigha slowly shook her head and simply said, “No.”

Using all my strength I forced myself to look away from Gage. Looking at Sadie and Tyler I could see how in love they were. With four little girls they had everything in life. Everything I would never have. When the pastor gave Tyler the okay to kiss his bride he grabbed Sadie around the neck, dipping her down and kissing her hard. The perfect, romantic kiss. The cherry on top of my ‘poor Annie’ sundae.

Everyone stood and clapped as Tyler and Sadie walked back down the aisle hand in hand.

“Trent said cocktails would be served in the bar while they got pictures then we can come back down to the tent for the reception.” Leigha pointed passed me to a giant white tent, lined with candles.

“I really don’t want to do this, Le. Just looking at him makes my stomach hurt.”

“You miss him. It’s expected. Love isn’t easy. Dumbass is a fuck up. But, you can’t help who you love. Have a drink and don’t let Gage ruin your night. Let’s have fun.”

“I’m trying. I was doing okay until I saw him. I can’t be around him. Not yet.”

“I’ll tell Trent to keep him away. Trent can be like your body guard.”

Raising an eyebrow I asked, “Nothing going on with you two, huh? Just friends, my ass. You two can stop sneaking around. It’s not just a hookup when y’all can’t breathe without each other.”

Leigha’s cheeks pinked and her smile covered her face. “Like I said, you can’t help who you love. Now let’s have a drink.”

Shaking my head I followed Leigha up the steps and into the bar. I hadn’t been in here since I left Gage almost three weeks ago. Bittersweet.

Walking up to the bar I used to work behind I saw Barker lining glasses on the wooden top. “Hey girl. Didn’t expect to see you in here again.”

“What? Why not? It’s a free country. My friends got married and it just so happens their wedding was here.”

Barker smirked and filled the glasses with ice. He said, “I heard about you and owner man. He’s been in here a few times since you left. He’s miserable. He’s an ass. He really needs to get a piece of ass.” Barker laughed at his own joke.

“Yeah, well not my problem. Not, anymore.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed a glass. Scooting it in front of Barker I said, “Hurricane, please.”

“My pleasure, sweetheart.”

Barker was cute in his own rebel without a cause sorta way. He always had his shoulder length black hair held back with a hair tie. His light green eyes gave away his true innocent personality. All his tattoos didn’t do anything for his badboy persona. The guy was a big ol’ softie.

“Here you go, darlin’. Enjoy.” Barker slid the full glass towards me.

“Thank you.” I smiled and walked over to where Leigha was standing.

“Trent just text me and said we can start making our way to the tent.”

“Ready when you are. Got my liquid courage.” I held up my glass and gave it a little shake, careful as not to spill it. Bringing it to my lips I took a big drink and followed Leigha back down the steps and into the large white tent.

Thankfully Sadie had made the seating chart and put Leigha and I at the same table. The DJ’s voice filled the tent, “Ladies and gentlemen, I have been told it’s time to get this party started. And, here to get things going is the wedding party. Tonight we have Ms. Megan Thompson escorted by Mr. Jensen Daniels. Ms. Tara Hampton excorted by Mr. Seth Quinn. Ms. Taylor Hampton escorted by Mr. Trent Carver. Mrs. Jenna Nayler escorted by Mr. Larkin Nayler. Maid of honor Ms. Libby Harte escorted by the best man Mr. Gage Tucker.” Seeing another girl on Gage’s arm had my stomach in knots. The DJ then hit his laptop and You Shook Me All Night Long started playing.”It is with great pleasure I introduce to you, for the very first time Mr. and Mrs. Tyler and Sadie Hampton.” Tyler and Sadie came dancing through their wedding party, stopping at the end only to give their guests another show stopping kiss.

Hearing clinking of glass I looked to the head table where the wedding party had taken their seats. Gage sat his wine glass and spoon down. “Good evening. I’m Gage, Tyler’s best man. One of my many duties was throwing a kick ass bachelor party, but on top of that I have to give a mushy gushy speech. I have known Ty since our freshman year of college. I was lucky enough to have this oversized teddy bear protecting me on the field. But, over the years he has protected me off the field, too. I could tell some crazy stories and make jokes but in all honesty I love this guy like a brother. He and Sadie have something special. And clearly that leads to the bedroom as well. It only took four beautiful little girls before they made it official.” Gage’s eyes scanned the tent until he found me. Dropping his paper on the table he shut his eyes, raking his hand over his face. Opening his eyes, he locked with mine and said more to me than the other guests, “Ty and Sadie have a love that I have known. I had that something special once, then I was stupid and lost it. I regret it every minute of every day. I hope that one day I will get that something back and Ty can stand up here telling funny stories at my wedding.” Gage turned, dropping eye contact to look at Tyler and Sadie. “Here’s to having a love so special that you never stop fighting. Love you guys.” Sadie and Tyler both stood, hugging Gage.

Feeling a tear escape and slide down my cheek I hurried and wiped it away before anyone noticed. Libby gave a speech I didn’t hear a word of. Everything Gage had said was still ringing in my head. A waiter came by dropping off our food. My stomach turned. I couldn’t eat. Not after the speech Gage just gave. Pushing my food around my plate I forced a few bites down.

Sadie and Tyler had hired Phoenix Rising as their band. They were staged at the front of the tent and started playing as plates were gathered from the tables. Letting my elbows rest on the table, I played with the seashell that was made into a placecard. A light tap on my shoulder had me turning to look behind me. When my eyes met with those amazing blue eyes I felt my heart rate pick up.

Gage reached for my hand, “May I?”

Hesitating, I searched his face. “Why? Why now, Gage?”

“Please just dance with me.” His face was blank but his voice was pleading. Placing my hand in his I let him lead me to the dance floor. Once we were in the middle of everyone he whirled me around to face him. He pulled me in close, one hand on my lower back, his thumb rubbing slowly up and down, the way I loved. And he knew it. “I may not be perfect. I may not be your first date, your first kiss, or your fist love. I don’t care about that. All I care about is that I’m your last.

His bright blue eyes were shining under the twinkling light. I could see the pain and the hurt in them. I wanted to know what he was thinking. “Gage, why?”

Looking over my shoulder he asked, “Why not?”

I tried to pull away but he tightened his grip. “I’m not playing games. I’m done with that. I want anwers. Why now?” Gage kissed my forehead. That small spot his lips touched was on fire. Sending tingles all over my body. “Please. I at least deserve an answer.”

Lowering his head he lightly kissed my temple. Causing me to shiver. His lips whispering against my skin he said, “Because, Annie, I believe God sent you into my life when I needed you the most. He sent you to give me something to fight for. To show me that there was still love in this world. To give me hope and to bring me happiness. I guess you are proof that when you finally let go of the past something better, something magical comes along.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I’m so afraid that one day you will realize what an ass I am and I will lose you for good, if I haven’t already. I need you. I need you to be mine. My life has been shit until you came crashing into it. Nothing has made since until you. Until us. I don’t want to lose this. Lose you. Us. I want this forever. “I love you and its fuckin’ killing me. Every day, every night, every fuckin’ moment…I miss you. I miss us. The way it used to be. I miss our family. I want it back. Please, just tell me what I have to do.”

My eyes were filled with tears. The words I wanted to hear weeks ago. I was in love with this man. I rested my head on his firm chest. “Gage, I am a giant mess. Probably the last thing you need in your life, but I love you. I am yours. Totally and completely. I have been since the day we met. Can’t you see that? I loved you at that darkest point of your life and I’ve never stopped.”

Placing his fist under my chin he pulled my face up to his. “I am in love with you, Annie. With everything I have. I am yours.”

He’s in love with me. He. Is. In. Love. With. Me.

Covering my mouth with his he slowly kissed me. Just as he started kissing me the band started playing I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz.

The perfect song. Our song.

Gage

Annie looked up at me, her face a mix of emotions. “We need to talk.”

I nodded. “I know. Do you want to walk on the beach?”

“Sure.”

On our way out I grabbed a bottle of champagne and two glasses. Annie was walking along the water, her dressed gathered in one hand so it didn’t get wet, her shoes in her other hand. Worrying her top lip she stopped faced me. “I know I told you it didn’t matter but I need to know. Did you sleep with anyone else while we were still friends?”

That was simple. “No. I haven’t looked at another female since I met you. I had plenty of chances, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. They weren’t you. I wanted you and I was willing to wait until you were ready.”

She looked shocked. Looking away, she dug her toes into the sand. “Why couldn’t you tell me that before?”

Shrugging, I said, “I was scared. I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. I thought I was protecting myself. Turns out I was doing the opposite. I didn’t just hurt myself though, I hurt you. That is the hardest part. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to push you away so you would run and I could blame you when everything fell apart. Nobody is to blame but me for all the shit.”

I hated myself every day for all the stupid shit I put her through. I was one lucky son of a bitch. Anyone else would have high tailed it the hell outta dodge. Not Annie, she stuck it out until I more or less told her to leave.

Annie sat just out of reach of the tide rolling in. I took a seat in the sand next to her and pulled her close to me, leaving my arm around her waist. “You found my sister and my mom for me. You gave me the family I always wanted. Gage, I want to be with you. I want us to be a family. But, at what expense? I can’t and won’t play your games. I have a son to think about. You can’t be a yo-yo in his life, coming and going as you please. Jase, the guy he looked up to as a father figure is leaving soon. Thanks to you, not that it’s a bad thing. I’m glad he is following his dreams. I’m happy for him, but Gabe will be left with no one. I would love for you to fill that role but it has to be permanent.”

“I love Gabe, you know that. I would love to be his dad and teach him how to play football and how to drive when he’s older. My track record with you isn’t the best but no matter what has happened between the two of us I have always stayed close to him. I don’t expect him to call me dad and buy me a tie on father’s day. I just want to be someone he can turn to and rely on. He has made his way into my heart, just like his mom.”

Watching her chest rise and fall, her breath accelerating with each intake I ran my nose up her cheek. I stopped at her temple and lightly kissed up her hairline. “This kind of craving we have is uncontrollable…unstoppable. We can feel it in our breathing, our kissing, and our touching. Sending passion and want through our veins and straight to our hearts. My past hasn’t been the best and I’m still learning. But, I know one thing for sure. I must have you. You’re mine and I’m yours.”

“Gage, we are like fire and ice. Ninety percent of the time we are fighting and yelling. The other ten percent of the time we are tangled up together. With us, it’s hot and cold. There’s no happy middle.”

Seeing the doubt in her eyes I grabbed her face and smashed my mouth to hers. I had missed this, her sweet taste. The taste that I had been craving. Pulling back I rested my forehead to hers and said, “Annie, it’s the fourth quarter with three seconds left in the game. I’m throwing a Hail Mary here and praying you catch it for the touchdown.” I pulled my face back to look her in the eyes. “You are the one I need, you’re the only one for me. There is something about you that I’m so damn scared to lose because I know I would never find it in someone else. I know how fuckin’ crazy I can be, but all I’m asking for is another chance. We can’t start over but we can start now and make a new ending. I am in love with you. Only you.”

Watching her eyes tear up and hearing the hitch in her breath was almost too much. I could feel her drawing away from me. I was losing her. I held onto her hands even tighter. Looking into her tear-filled eyes I could see doubt and hurt and sadness. But what kept me holding on, I could see the love she had for me. For us. I had known for a while that I was in love with her. I had been too damn scared to tell her. There had only been two girls in my life that I had said I loved and they both left me. I had been too afraid to take that risk again, but not anymore. This woman was worth the risk. She was worth everything.

Her eyes searched mine as her tears fell and a smile formed on her beautiful face. “I have waited so long to hear you say those words. I love you, too, Gage. So much.”

I didn’t give her a chance to say anything else before I was crushing my mouth to hers. Pouring everything I had into that kiss. “I love you, Annie Holland.”

She was my one. The one I wanted to spend my forever with.

Sometimes you have to fall to rise again. You have to make mistakes to live and learn. You have to be hurt to be thankful you’re alive. It’s something that is denied to many- like Cobie and Derek. But, we have to breathe, think, laugh, smile, love, and hurt. There will be sadness in our journey, its part of life. But, there is also so much beauty. We can’t stop living though, we have to push forward. You never know what’s waiting on the other side. Your Annie could be just around the corner.

Epilogue

Annie

8 Months Later

Rolling over I was welcomed by a cold bed. Opening my eyes, the bright sun burned. Tossing the bed sheet down, I sat up and rested my legs over the side of the bed. I could hear the shower running, weird. Gage had been slacking lately and never got up this early on his off days.

Pushing out of bed I shuffled into the bathroom. “Hey, why are you up so early?”

I could see Gage through the glass shower door, his body was nothing short of perfect and I still got hot and bothered from seeing it.

Gage smiled and said, “I totally forgot I have a shoot with Sports Report today. Thankfully it’s not until noon but it’s in the bay so it will take a while to get there.”

I really wanted to spend time with him. He would be leaving soon for spring training camp and would be gone for a few weeks. “Oh, ok. Maybe the kids and I will go to the beach today, it’s supposed to be sunny.”

Gage shut the water off and opened the steamed door. Grabbing his towel off the bench he wrapped it around his waist making his way to me. “Actually, my mom asked if she and dad could take them out today. I guess they are having some naval show and Gabe won’t stop talking about it.”

“Hmm. I haven’t heard him mention anything. But, sure. He would love that.” I said, shrugging one shoulder.

Gage wrapped his strong, tattooed arms around my waist and lifted me onto the counter. He lowered his mouth to mine and just as the kiss was getting warmed up I heard Londyn’s little voice come through the baby monitor. “Daddy! Me up!”

The princess was awake.

Gage lifted his head and laughed. “Every fuckin’ time. Daddy doesn’t get any lovin’ these days. I need to teach that girl how to make her own damn breakfast.”

Rolling my eyes, I smacked his bare chest. “Sorry babe, chicks before dicks. Gotta go get my little lady. Finish getting ready. I’ll make the kids breakfast and pack their bag.” I hopped off the counter and pecked Gage’s cheek. “I love you.”

Gage smacked my ass as I walked by. “Love you, too.”

I walked into Londyn’s room to find Gabe sitting on the floor in front of her crib with a book in his hands. He was flipping page after page and making up a story. Londyn was loving it. Giggling, she was saying over and over, “Bub bub, more.”

“Good morning babies.” I said resting my head on the door frame.

“Mommy! Did you see me? I was reading to Londyn.” Gabe jumped up and ran to me.

Hugging him I answered, “I did, sweetie. She was loving it.”

Londyn clapped her hands and yelled, “Mama!” She had started calling me Mama a few months ago. At first I wanted to tell her I wasn’t Mama, but I was her Mama. In my heart it felt right. I could never be Cobie, I didn’t want to be. But, I would be the next best thing and love Londyn unconditionally.

Letting go of Gabe I made my way to Londyn. The closer I got, the more excited she got. Lifting her out of her crib I hugged her close and kissed her cheeks. “Is somebody ready to eat?”

Gabe ran out the door and was halfway down the stairs when I heard him yell, “Superhero power pancakes!”

Walking out of Londyn’s room I looked at her and said, “I think Bub bub wants pancakes. Do you want pancakes, too?”

Londyn excitedly nodded and said, “Ess, ess! Peese!”

There was a time, not too long ago, that I never pictured myself with anymore kids. But now I couldn’t picture my life without Londyn. I may not be her biological mom but I loved her enough for the both of us.

“Ok, pancakes it is.”

The pancakes were almost done when I saw Gage sauntering into the kitchen.

“I just got off the phone with my mom, she said she will be here around ten to pick up the kids. Why don’t you go ahead and get in the shower while the kids are eating.”

Frowning I asked, “Why do I need to take a shower now? I can just wait until your mom gets the kids.”

“I was going to see if you could run to a few places for me today. I won’t have time and they need to be done today.”

“Where do I need to go?” I asked as I cut up pancakes for Londyn.

Gage grabbed Gabe’s plate and carried it to the table. “I will text you a list. It’s nothing you can’t handle, supermom.”

“Haha. Got this shit covered.” I handed Gage Londyn’s plate and rinsed my hands. “I will go get their bag ready then get in the shower. Will you clean up?”

Gage held his hands up, inspecting them he said, “Go ahead. I think these money makers can handle a few dirty dishes.”

Rolling my eyes, I ignored his comment. Kissing Londyn and Gabe I told them I loved them then walked up the stairs.

Going into Gabe’s room I pulled out his clothes for the day, an extra ‘just in case’ outfit, and his swim trunks. Gathering it into my arms I crossed the hall to Londyn’s room. Putting Gabe’s clothes on her dresser, I opened Londyn’s closet to get her clothes and swimsuit. Putting her clothes next to Gabe’s I reached for the diaper bag. It wasn’t on the door handle. I always put it there.

Pushing the door closed I looked to see if it fell. Nothing on the floor. What the hell?

Yelling, I asked, “Gage, is Londyn’s diaper bag down there?”

No answer.

“Gage? Is the diaper bag down there?” I yelled again.

Still, no answer. Seriously? I know he could hear me, he was just ignoring me.

Stomping down the stairs I huffed and puffed into the kitchen. It was clean and everyone was gone. “Hello? Anyone? This isn’t funny!”

Looking around the kitchen I saw a piece of paper on the counter. Picking it up I saw it was from Gage.

Dear Annie,

Don’t freak out. We are all safe. But I lied. Today is all about you. I want you to go upstairs, take a relaxing bath and get dressed. A princess can’t have a proper scavenger hunt without a chariot. Your car will be here at ten. The driver will have the clue to your next stop. There are a few rules…accept them and follow them. I’ll be waiting for you. Love you.

Rule 1…No cell phone today and no, you cannot borrow someone else’s.

Rule 2…there will be a photographer stalking you, don’t mind him.

Rule 3…You must read each clue out loud so the photographer can also record with a flipcam.

Rule 4…Relax, have fun, and enjoy your day

Gage

What was going on? Smiling, I looked at the clock, eight forty. I had an hour and twenty minutes before my car was here.

Taking my time, I took a relaxing bubble bath with candles and soothing music. I was dressed and ready five minutes until ten.

At exactly ten o’clock the doorbell rang. Opening the front door I saw a nicely dressed older man with a large bouquet of lilies. Behind him was the photographer, snapping away.

“Good morning, Miss Holland. I’m Chet, I will be your driver today.” Handing me the flowers he said, “These are for you, make sure to read the card.”

Taking the flowers, I sat them on the entry table and pulled out the card. Opening the card I found another note.

Go for a ride and trust me. Your next clue awaits you at 6489 Paradise Lane.

Grabbing my purse off the table, I smiled to the two men.

“This way, ma’am.” Chet said, pointing to the limo. Gage really did go all out. Following Chet to the limo he opened the door and I slid inside, the photographer right behind me. I was surprised to find Leigha, Sadie, and Jenna inside.

The three of them were laughing when my mouth dropped opened.

“Ok, can y’all tell me what the hell is going on?”

Jenna said, “We really don’t know either. Gage text us last night. He asked us to meet at the bar this morning, that there would be a car waiting. And here we are.”

Leigha grabbed a champagne flute filled with Mimosa and held it up. Jenna, Sadie, and I grabbed a flute and held ours up too. She said, “To girl’s day and to Gage for being so generous.” After clinking glasses we all drained our flutes.

Turning my head to look at the photographer I asked, “Do you know what’s going on?”

Winking, he replied, “You’re not supposed to see me. I cannot answer that question.”

“Oh! You know, don’t you?”

Giving me a half smile and another wink he tilted his head. “By the way, my name is Todd.”

Sticking my tongue out playfully I said, “Nice to meet you. You’re not going to tell me anything, are you?”

Todd grinned. “Nope.”

I turned to face my friends again. Leigha turned on the radio and the car was filled with Gage’s voice.

“Hey, ladies. I have made a special CD for Annie. It is filled with songs that are all special to us. In the small compartment beside the radio you will find a box of Kleenex. Annie will need them. Enjoy your day, ladies. And, Annie, I love you.”

As Gage’s voice ended and Your Call by Secondhand Serenade came through the speakers. This was the song that was playing the night Gage told me he wanted to be more than just friends. He wanted to be my one and only.

Feeling my eyes tear up, I looked to the girls and asked, “Tissue, please?”

I saw Jenna getting teary eyed too when she said, “He really loves you. I’m so glad he found you. You have changed him, he’s the old Gage again. Thank you so much.”

“I love him too, so much, maybe too much. I don’t know what my life would be like without him and I don’t ever want to know. I can see myself marrying him one day.”

Jenna, Sadie, and Leigha smiled at me and dabbed their eyes with a tissue. Feeling the car stop I looked out the window. We were at Beach Beauty Nails to get our nails done. Chet came around to open the door and we all got out. Walking into the salon the girl at the front desk sweetly asked, “Miss Holland?”

I nodded and said, “That would be me.”

“Great, please follow me.” We were led to an area in the back where I saw Heather waiting.

“You’re in on this too?” I asked in disbelief.

Heather stood and said, “Of course! Now here, read this.”

Another clue!

What princess doesn’t have their nails ‘did’? It’s all paid for, so you ladies go crazy. But, for your nails go with French Tips. Your next clue will be given to you when you’re done.

I sat down next to my sister and spent an hour letting my hands be pampered. Once they were manicured and shiny, Jenna reached into her purse and handed me another note.

Do you remember the first place we were photographed in public? There you will find someone special with another clue.

Getting all the girls and Todd into the limo we made our way to the pier. There I was welcomed by Lydia, who gave me a yet another clue.

Remember our first official date? I’ll never look at that fifty yard line the same. Where we had dinner, that’s where you are going for lunch. You will find another clue waiting for you.

P.S. I love you

Laughing, I said, “Get back in the limo ladies. Oh and Todd, too. We’re going to Fresh for lunch.

Walking into the restaurant I saw Abby sitting at a large table waving us over. The girls and I enjoyed a lunch of sushi and beer. Just like our first date. Instead of having the check dropped off I has handed another clue.

Every princess deserves a new dress and shoes. You don’t have to go too far, just around the corner to Sunshine Boutique.

The girls and I, plus Todd, walked to the store. I was nervous to walk in, afraid of who or what I might find. Hesitantly, I opened the door and slowly stepped inside.

Walking out from the dressing rooms I saw my mom and Gage’s mom coming toward me. They both hugged me and handed me another clue.

By now I’m sure you know what I’m going to do. So get a fancy dress and shoes to match. The car will take you to your next location but hurry, you only have until eight to get ready.

I looked at my mom and asked, “What time is it?”

My mom said, “It’s two o’clock.”

“He does know me. I take forever to shop.”

Two hours later I had my dress and shoes. My dress was a strapless, tee length dark purple satin with simple silver bead accent on the bodice. I had silver strappy sandals to match.

Getting back in the car we were whisked away. We pulled up the Sheraton and I was in awe. The girls and Todd led the way into the hotel. Gage already had a suite reserved and waiting for us. We were escorted to our room, were we found massage therapist waiting for us. After our massages there was a knock on the door. I opened the door to find an army of people on the other side.

“Miss Holland, we are here to do hair and makeup for you lovely ladies.”

“Wow, really?”

The tall, slender woman nodded and smiled. Three hours later our hair and makeup was done. I looked in the mirror and was amazed. I never wore a lot of makeup but even I had to admit I looked beautiful.

Gage’s mom handed me another clue.

Now that you look every part of a princess it’s time to get your dress on and meet me at the place I first told you I was in love with you.

“Hurry, we only have an hour before you need to meet Gage.” Leigha shoved me into the bathroom so I could change. Getting dressed as fast as possible I walked back out to find everyone else had on black dresses.

“Would someone please tell me what is going on? I am so confused.”

All the girls shook their heads. They ushered me out of the suite, back to the waiting limo. Chet drove us down the coast to Fairhope. We pulled into Wet Spot’s parking lot. Chet opened the door for us to get out. I saw Gage’s dad standing a few feet away in the sand leading to the beach, a clue in his hand.

When I was close he pulled me into a hug and whispered. “Thank you for making my son happy.” He handed me the next clue.

This was the place I first said ‘I love you’. I want this to be the last place I say I love you…

I looked up from the paper when I heard Phoenix Rising playing God Gave Me You. It wasn’t coming from a radio. It was coming from Tristan, Jase, Kamp, Ryker, and Reid, themselves. Live. In person.

That was when everything started coming together and making sense. I saw Gage coming around the corner with Jinx who was carrying Londyn, Dylan who was holding Gabe’s hand, and Tyler, Trent, and Larkin.

Tyler, Larkin, Trent, Jinx, Dylan, and the kids stopped when they reached the group of girls and Gage’s father. Gage kept walking to me.

When he got to me he grabbed my hands and said, “You look gorgeous.” He lightly kissed me before continuing, “Annie, a very wise woman once told me ‘if you fight like your married, talk like best friends, and flirt like loves then you are meant to be. Well, that describes us perfectly. I guess we are meant to be. Life is about finding that one person who is your kind of crazy. You’re more than my kind of crazy, you’re my happily ever after. You were my heaven when my life was hell. You brought me peace I didn’t know I was searching for. Londyn and I are so lucky to have you in our lives and if you let us we want to be in yours and Gabe’s for the rest of ours. I love you and Gabe and would love nothing more than to spend my life showing the three of you how much I love you. Everything about you is so fucking beautiful and I want to spend forever with you. Would you do me the honor and marry me? Be mine. Today, tomorrow, and forever.”

Gage dropped down on one knee and pulled out the most gorgeous ring I had ever seen. It was a vintage inspired, emerald cut, four carat diamond in the center with a one carat, emerald cut diamond on each side in a pave setting.

Swallowing hard I took a deep breath as my tears fell. “Yes, of course I will marry you! I want nothing more than to spend my life with you. I love you so much”

As Gage slid the ring on to my finger I heard all the cheers and clapping from our friends and family. Gage stood and pulled my face to his, kissing me deep and hard. “I love you.”

Through all of our misery came beauty, and without our misery we might not have gotten the beauty. It was our own kind of beautiful misery and I wouldn’t change a thing.

THE END.

ALMOST…..

Coming Winter 2013 by Chandin Whitten Rock Raising Hell #1

Prologue

I couldn’t help but watch as Tristan strutted across the stage. The looks he would give all those girls was making their panties drop. No, I mean literally lose their panties. The girls were taking them off and tossing them on the stage. I felt like I was watching Magic Mike, Rockstar Edition…only gone wrong. Very, very wrong. Tristan was loving it. I was disgusted. It was like a really bad car wreck. You know the kind you really shouldn’t look at, afraid of what you might see. Yet, you can’t take your eyes off of it.

Tristan let his eyes search the crowd, no doubt looking for his next conquest. Then, he landed on me and his eyes were glued. Those fucking eyes- once upon a time I fell in love with those honey colored irises. Tristan raised one side of his mouth, as if he was daring me to move.

Dammitmotherfuckingalltohell.

Rolling my eyes, I huffed and turned to walk away. Mistake. Tristan called me out. Of course he would. He was an asshole.

“Ah there she is. Where you goin’, Butterfly?”

Oh hell no he didn’t?! He did not just call me Butterfly. It felt like I was just stabbed a thousand times in my chest. Pausing mid step, I turned to glare at him while others looked around for Tristan’s ‘Butterfly’. I was pissed. I was hurt. How dare he use that name? He knew what it meant…used to mean.

“Why you leaving so early? I was hoping you would join me for this next song. After all you are the inspiration behind it.”

People were finally figuring out who had Tristan’s attention. They had followed his gaze and found me on the receiving end. Albeit, not very happy. Fine. He wants to play games? Well, I hope he packed his pads and a helmet, because game on baby. And, I don’t play fair. I had on my ball bustin’ boots and I was ready to do some damage.

Holding my middle finger up, I started towards the stage. The group of people dividing like I was Moses parting the Red Sea. Don’t quote me on that, I haven’t brushed up on my Bible 101 lately. The guys were gawking at me and the girls were shooting daggers at me. They wanted to be. They wanted to be the one going on stage to sing with Tristan Cole. I would gladly trade places with them.

Tristan smirked and his voice grew deeper. He practically growled, “Don’t tease me baby, unless you’re going to please me. You had better put that finger away or I might do something crazy like hold you accountable.  You know I’ve always been quite the wild child.” His little comment had the guys laughing and I swear I could feel all the different ways the girls were planning on killing me. Little did they know, Rockstar up there wasn’t trying to flirt with me. No, he was trying to piss me off. And, I will give him credit, it was working. Not that I would let him know that.

I dropped my hand and straightened as I reached the side of the stage. My eyes still locked with his. He was standing front and center, waiting. Waiting to make my life living hell, more than it already was.

“Boys, a little help for the lady?” Tristan asked, nodding at me.

Before I could protest I was being lifted by some guy behind me and sat on the stage. What the hell? Was I four? I wanted to turn around and kick and scream at that Neanderthal. Ok, so maybe I was a little closer to acting like a four year old than I wanted to admit.

The bassist, Ryker, just took a step back and bowed his head. Chicken ass. Looking across the stage I saw Kamp, one of the guitarist trying –and failing- to hide his laughter as he kept up a steady rhythm on his guitar. Shifting my eyes to the back of the stage where Reid was stationed behind his drums, he was looking straight ahead, shaking his head. Jase was my last resort, but of course that guitar playing twat box was looking at his cousin and smiling.  I was on my own with this one.

Taking a few steps in Tristan’s direction, I put my hands on my hips and squared up to him, smiling a little too sweetly. When he was within reach I placed a finger on his chest, he tensed, and tapped my finger as I spoke, “Well, playboy, you got me up here…now what are you going to do with me? Last time you got me this close you ran like a little girl. Think you can handle me this time?”

Told you I don’t play fair. I fight dirty.

The room was silent except for the strumming coming from Jase and Kamp’s guitars. Tristan’s eyes grew dark, making the green flecks in them stand out. His mouth twitched. “Why, Ms. Caine aren’t you just a sweet little lollipop all wrapped up in bitch?”

Narrowing my eyes I said, “And, you Mr. Cole, are a dick.”

His hazel eyes sparkled. “Yep.” Tristan took his eyes off me and shifted them back to the crowd while taking a few steps away from me. He drew his lip ring into his mouth. He knew exactly what that did to me. “Y’all ready for our new number one hit, Rockstar Call Girl?” The crowd went crazy, clapping and hollering. Tristan glanced at me, a smile playing at his lips. Pointing at me he said, “You can thank this hot little lady for that. If it wasn’t for her this song wouldn’t exist.”

The bands new song didn’t exactly put me in the best light. To be honest it made me sound like some sort of whore, which I wasn’t. There was a tap on my shoulder before a microphone was being shoved in my face. Looking over my shoulder I saw Ryker retreating back to his spot on stage. He actually had a little sympathy on his face. At least somebody cared…maybe. A little?

I heard Reid’s sticks hit the drums and both guitars came to life. Tristan looked at me, that stupid ass, shit eatin’ grin on his face as he started to sing.

She’s always looking for a little danger,

Just a little fun.

The dark bars, the street cars.

And everything in between.

The bad boys who want one thing,

She’s exactly what they need.

She’s a rockstar call girl,

An angel with demon wings.

Remember, bitch who you belong to,

Your body is my private domain.

Fuck you like the whore you are,

Drink away your memories at night.

Because you’re a rocsktar call girl,

And that’s all you’ll ever be.

Tristan took a breath then looked at me, motioning me to sing the next verse. The verse he knew that would hurt me the most. I held the microphone close to my mouth, almost letting in rest on my lips.

I should have took one look,

And knew the real you.

You told me things to make me believe,

That I was more than just money.

There was fire in my veins,

You turned it into ice and never thought twice.

I’ll never make the same mistake,

And trust someone like you.

Because…

Tristan started signing with me. Getting closer and closer to me. He held his hand out to me. He turned from the crowd to my face, meeting me eye for eye.

She’s a rockstar call girl,

An angel with demon wings.

Remember, bitch who you belong to,

Your body is my private domain.

Fuck you like the whore you are,

Drink away your memories at night.

Because you’re a rockstar call girl,

And that’s all you’ll ever be.

I stopped singing. I let the microphone drop to my feet. Tristan took another step closer, towering over me. His body just inches from me. His breath in my face. He finished the song.

That’s all you’re ever going to be,

To everyone.

Now you’re nothing,

Nothing else to me.

Tristan was breathing hard and incredibly close. My eyes were shut. I could smell his cologne mixed with sweat. I slowly peeled my eyes open to find him staring at me.

He wasn’t singing to the crowd now, he was talking to me. He flicked his lip ring and licked his lips. “You’re nothing but a memory”

I don’t know where my tears came from. One minute I was standing there looking at Tristan, the next I was running off the stage. The bands bodyguards didn’t try to stop me from going backstage. Both men stepped to the side as I ran passed them. When I was far enough away so that the band or the crowd couldn’t see me I collapsed onto the floor.

“There you have it ladies and gentlemen. You just witnessed what that girl does best. She runs.” Tristan spoke to the crowd. He sounded proud of himself. The crowd actually cheered. Unbelievable.

I wanted to get out of this place before the guys came off stage. Standing, I ran my fingers under my eyes, hoping I didn’t look like a drunk raccoon. When I rounded the corner where the exit sign was hanging from ceiling I saw a very pregnant and a very pissed off Lydia Cole coming in my direction.

She was yelling at her bodyguard, “What the fuck is his problem! I swear, I am so sick of his selfish bullshit. If he wasn’t Jase’s cousin I would beat the shit outta him. What he did was fuckin’ ridiculous. I can’t believe he made Em do that. If I was her before I ran off stage I would have kicked him square in his dick.”

Lydia finally looked up and saw me standing against the wall. Her face instantly softened as did her voice. “Oh my God, Em! I am so sorry. I had no idea that asshole would do that to you. I never thought he would see you in the crowd. I feel so bad for inviting you then you having to go through that.”

Sniffing, I attempted a smile. “This wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I should have walked away the minute he saw me in the crowd. Hell, I should have walked away eighteen months ago.” I dropped my head and pushed my tears back. “I just want to get outta here before the guys are finished.”

I no more than got the words out of mouth before I heard the rowdy band coming down the hall. There were now two more body guards behind Lydia, making it near impossible to make an escape without the guys noticing.

“Well, well, well. Isn’t this convenient?” Tristan snickered.

Lydia stepped in front of me, attempting to shield me from Tristan. “Don’t start, T. What you did was uncalled for and you know it. She never did anything wrong to you. It’s time you grow up and act like the twenty six year old that you are, not the six year old little boy pulling the cute girls piggy tails at recess. You are an arrogant ass and if it wasn’t for Jase I would love to knock you out myself for that shit you pulled. You owe her an apology.”

Tristan just laughed in Lydia’s face. “Jase, can you control you wife?”

Jase held his hand up in front of him as if surrendering and shook his head. “Hell no. She scares me and I am not stupid enough to piss of the pregnant lady.”

Tristan scoffed, “Fuckin’ great.” He leaned down so he was face to face with Lydia. She never budged. Tristan stuck his hand out and pointed at me, accusingly. “She deserved every bit of humiliation she got tonight. Emersyn Caine is a fuckin’ whore. She doesn’t deserve my respect or my apology. I want her away from my band before we catch some disease from her.”

Before he saw it coming Lydia connected her fist with Tristan’s jaw. She hit him hard enough he stumbled backwards, losing his balance long enough for Lydia to throw another punch. This time she connected with the apple of his cheek. Tristan fell into the wall, grabbing his face. The bodyguards started to step in and reached for Lydia. Jase held his arm up in front of them. “No. It’s fine. Let her go.” The oversized men dropped their hands and took a few steps back.

Leaning down so she was in Tristan’s face, Lydia bit out, “Call her a whore again and I swear I will make sure your dick is made into a smoothie and fed to you, you idiotic prick. You don’t deserve to be around a girl like Em.” Lydia turned on her heel, grabbed my hand, and drug me out of the building into the warm Los Angeles night.

Content

Beautiful Misery
Book 2 The Beautiful Series
By Chandin Whitten

ACKOWLEDGMENTS

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Epilogue

Coming Winter 2013 by Chandin Whitten Rock Raising Hell #1 Prologue