Honor & Betray

By

Teresa Mummert

Chapter One

Emma clung to my hand as if hanging on for dear life, but I felt as though she was slipping out of my grasp. Her feelings were the one thing I couldn’t control, and it was driving me mad.

“Marry me,” I repeated, trying to keep my voice from shaking. It killed me that she was hesitating, that she had any doubts about her feelings for me. She was the one thing in life that I was sure about.

“What if…what if someone found out? You could lose your job.” She was scared. I had scared her. If I lost her now, I don’t know what I would do with myself. I raised my hand slowly and brushed the back of my fingers over her soft cheek. Her eyes fell closed with my touch. She was just as addicted to our connection as I was.

“I don’t care about any of that anymore. I don’t care about anything else. But even if I did, you’re not my student anymore. When I almost lost you, I realized what was important to me. I don’t want you to ever leave my side again.” Even saying the words—mentioning the idea of being without her—cut me open inside. I pressed my lips against hers, drowning in the soft warmth of her innocence.

“I can’t ask you to do that.” She placed her small hand on my chest, and my muscles tensed. She was telling me no.

“You didn’t ask.” I tried to force the anger from my voice, but I knew she had heard it, as her eyes narrowed slightly.

“I’m not saying no,” she said softly as her gaze fell from mine. My heart felt like it had seized in my chest. Emma was the one person I had let in. The one I would die for…kill for. She had become the center of my universe, and now my world was going dark.

I took a step back, unsure of how to handle the rejection. She placed her hands on either side of my face, and her beautiful eyes locked on to mine.

“I want to marry you. I just need some time. Take things slow.” She smiled, but it did not reach her eyes. I wrapped my hands around hers and gave them a reassuring squeeze. She wasn’t running. Not yet. I still had a chance to convince her that she belonged here with me.

“That’s all I want.” I wrapped my arms around her waist, needing to feel the heat of her body against mine. Her arms slid around my neck, and she pressed her cheek against my chest. We had gone through too much to let this slip away now. I had all but destroyed everything that stood between us; all that was left was for Emma to believe the lie. Believe that I was the one who would save her. In reality, she had kept me from falling over the edge of sanity that I precariously balanced on each and every day. She had become my entire world, and for once I had something to live for, someone to watch after and keep safe. I couldn’t self-destruct knowing I would leave her behind to deal with the wake of my rage. The world was no longer balanced. Good things should happen to good people, but here I was, the epitome of evil, and somehow Emma had managed to see the good in me. I wasn’t sure if it was all an illusion or if there truly was something decent and pure left inside of me.

I pressed my lips softly against hers, forcing myself to go slow and not take her the way I craved. I needed to show her that I was worth the risk, that I wouldn’t hurt her if she would just trust me. I lingered just far enough away that our mouths were no longer touching, but her sweet breath mingled with mine. I could feel her chest pushing harder against mine as her breathing picked up. The air around us turned thicker, and I could see the lust in her eyes. Her nails inched up my neck into my hair. I slid my hand into hers, fisting it and tugging back gently.

“Never leave me, Emma.” It wasn’t just a request. It was a warning. I would lose myself if I lost her now. I was in too deep.

“Never.”

I couldn’t resist my urges any longer. I claimed her mouth with mine. My tongue swept over her plump lower lip, and she let them part, inviting me in. I traced her spine with the fingertips of my free hand, gripping her ass. She let out a quiet moan into my mouth, causing me to go rock hard as I pressed against her. My fingers trailed lower, gripping under her knee and raising her leg so I fit perfectly in between her thighs. The worry and doubt all fell away in that moment. Emma was mine, regardless if she admitted it or not. She gave herself willingly to me to take her however I wanted.

Her hands slid down my chest, and she gripped onto my belt, fumbling to remove it. I pushed my body harder against her, and she gasped.

“I want you,” she moaned as her fingertips lingered at the top of my jeans. Her words brought out the animal inside of me. I shoved her back onto the couch and began to quickly unbutton my shirt. Her hand slid down the inside of her thigh, and I narrowed my eyes as I threw my shirt to the ground.

“Take your clothes off.” I undid my belt and slid off my jeans as my eyes took in every inch of her beautiful body. Her teeth dug into her plump lower lip as she pulled her shirt over her head. My eyes danced over her perfect tits. I clenched my jaw as I struggled not to rip the rest of the clothes from her body. She slid off her shorts and underwear, her hand resting on her lower stomach.

“Show me how badly you want me.”

She did not hesitate at the command, and her fingers trailed down over her smooth slit. I grabbed my cock tightly in my hand and began to stroke myself in time with her fingers. She let out a low, ragged breath.

“You are so beautiful.”

She pushed her middle finger inside of herself, her back arching off the couch and pushing her perfect tits in the air.

“Oh, god.” She moaned, as I slowly lowered my body on top of hers, keeping our eyes locked.

“Don’t stop.” I pushed the head of my cock against her wet pussy, sliding over her finger and across her clit. She removed her finger and pressed her palm against her mound, waiting for me to take her. I pressed against her tight hole, slipping my head inside of her. I had to close my eyes for a moment to keep from taking her fast and hard. There was a lesson to learn, and if I wanted to make my point, I needed to maintain control. Her muscles clenched around me, begging me to finish what I had started. I placed my fingers on top of hers and moved them in a slow and steady circle over her clit. Her hips bucked and pushed down against my dick, trying desperately to get herself off.

“Does that feel good?” The corner of my mouth pulled up into a smirk as her lips parted while she gave a quick nod. I pushed a little deeper, and she whimpered, her hips lifting from the couch. “That is enough of that.” I grabbed her wrists and pinned her arms above her head as I pulled out of her completely. I gripped both of her wrists in one hand and dragged the pads of my fingers over her slit. Her body writhed beneath me.

“William, please.” She struggled against my grip on her, and it only made my dick grow harder. I couldn’t help myself. I shoved a finger inside of her. She was dripping wet and shuddered as she nearly came. “Please,” she moaned, her hot breath blowing over my face as I inched closer. I slid a second finger inside of her and bent them slightly. Her jaw went slack as she began to ride my hand. He legs fell open wider, giving me a clear view of me finger-fucking her. She was fucking beautiful. I knew she was on the edge, and I loved watching her lose all of her inhibitions. I pressed my thumb against her clit. Her eyes fell closed, and she turned her head into the pillow.

I leaned close, running my nose along her cheek. The salty smell of her sweat and sex was making it nearly impossible for me to stop.

“Look at me,” I whispered into her ear. She obeyed immediately, her hooded eyes locking on to mine. “You wanted to take things slow.”

“You’re punishing me?” Her hips bucked as I slid my thumb over her clit again and held it still against her. I couldn’t suppress my smile as she narrowed her eyes.

“I’m just doing what you asked. You have more control than you realize, Emma.” I slowly swept over her again, and her look of anger returned to lust as her hips pushed back against my hand. My smile grew as I lowered my mouth just above hers. Just the thought of being buried deep inside of her was enough to make me come. I wanted to taste her, but she needed to commit to me fully. I couldn’t risk losing her. Not now. “I only want to please you, Emma.” I skimmed my lips over the length of her neck, her pebbled nipples brushing against my chest.

“Then fuck me.”

Not even I could resist her when she begged me to be inside of her. Her body was shaking, and she was dangerously close to coming from my hand. I withdrew and shoved my cock inside of her. She moaned as I pulled back and slammed into her again.

“I want every part of you, Emma.” I tightened my grip on her wrists as I pushed into her again.

“I’m yours, William.” She was mine. My possession, my love, my everything. I came hard inside of her as her pussy gripped my cock, desperate for everything I could give her. I’d become obsessed—addicted to pleasing her.

I released her wrists, and the skin flushed red. I hadn’t intended to hold her so tightly. I placed a hand on either side of her head and began to rise off her, but her arms looped around my neck, pulling me back against her.

“Please don’t go.” She held me firm, and I struggled internally to give her what she needed from me. I didn’t do lovey-dovey bullshit. I didn’t cuddle and talk about my feelings. I showed her love in the only way I knew how. I kept her safe, kept her with me, and made sure she was satisfied. But I knew she needed more than that, and I wanted to give it to her.

“I don’t think I could leave you if I tried.” I pressed my forehead against hers as I closed my eyes and released a heavy breath. Her fingers slid into my hair as I struggled against everything inside of me that had told me to run, but it was too late. My heart had finally found its rhythm again. Emma was the one person who could save me, if I didn’t kill myself trying to be who she needed me to be.

The further I fell for her, the more twisted my lies became. Sooner or later, this perfect world I had created would crumble and would expose men for the monster I truly was. What would become of her love for me then?

I closed my eyes as I tangled our bodies together, desperately trying to be as physically close to her as possible. We slept on the couch, entwined in each other’s arms. It almost felt normal, like we were just another couple in love. But then the sun rose.

Chapter Two

I loved waking up with Emma in my arms. I pulled her body tight against mine, my cock hard and ready against her thigh. I could never get enough of her.

“It’s hard to imagine I’m not dreaming.” I gave her a small kiss, but as my mouth touched hers, my thoughts turned to something much darker. There could never be anything innocent between us. At least not on my end.

“If we don’t get off the couch soon, we may die of starvation.”

I laughed, as even that sounded like an invitation.

“You’re right. I haven’t eaten in a while.” I narrowed my eyes as I slid down her body. I kissed her collarbone, trailing kisses down her breast until I reached her nipple. I pulled it between my teeth, and her hands fisted in my hair as she pushed against my mouth.

“William, we need to get ready for the day.” She giggled as my mouth continued down her stomach. I pushed her legs apart and placed a kiss on her inner thigh.

“Why?” I nuzzled into her, and she squirmed to get away from me as I tickled her. I was more than content spending the day seeing how many times I could make her come.

“I want you to meet my family.”

That was definitely not what I was expecting. I looked up at her, her gaze finding mine.

“I thought you didn’t want anyone to know about us?” This was bad. Very fucking bad. I was going to lose Emma all because of her loudmouthed whore of an aunt.

“I don’t think my aunt would tell anyone about us. Besides, she doesn’t have to know who your father is.”

I had to decide, now, how far I was going to go to keep her. There was no going back at this point. She was a part of me I couldn’t function without. I crawled back up the length of her body and ran the pad of my thumb over her cheek as I looked into her big, beautiful eyes.

“I will do anything it takes to be with you.” I meant that with every fiber of my being. I would do anything for Emma. Her arms looped around my neck to hug me. I tangled my fingers in her long, dark hair and held her to me, hoping that I would still be able to do this with her tomorrow.

I was drunk off her affection, and I knew wasn’t thinking rationally when I was with her, but I was no longer in control. Things kept coming at our relationship, no matter how hard I tried to protect what we had. As much as I loved Emma, control wasn’t something I could hand over.

“Take a nice hot shower. I’ll cook us some breakfast.” I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and tried my best to look sincere as I smiled down at her. I reluctantly pulled my body from hers and held out my hand to help her up. I pulled her to her feet. Her free arm looped over her naked chest, and I tried not to take it as an insult. I had exactly bared myself to her.

“Don’t hide yourself from me.” I pulled her arm from her chest, and she hesitated before dropping it to her side. I took in every inch of her body before titling her chin up with my fingers and forcing her to look me in the eye.

“You are perfect.” Her cheeks tinged pink under my gaze. I leaned in closer to her, ghosting my lips across her neck to her ear. She sighed as she leaned her head away from me so I could have whatever I wished from her. But now wasn’t about seducing Emma. Now I needed to form a plan and do whatever I could to keep her in my life for as long as possible.

“Go take your shower before I take you into the bedroom and we don’t get anything done today.” That was all I wanted to do. She nodded and turned toward the bathroom. I smacked her lightly across her perfect ass, loving the little yelp she gave as she looked over her shoulder with a wicked grin. I watched her until she was in the bathroom and I could hear the water begin to run. I grabbed my clothes and pulled them on, not bothering to secure my belt.

I made my way into the kitchen and leaned over the island, letting out a deep sigh as I tried to figure out what my next move would be. I hadn’t exactly been thinking clearly through all of this, but no one could have predicted Emma’s aunt would be someone who could pose a threat to our relationship. If anything, I had planned on her being a nuisance we would easily be rid of when I got Emma to move in with me. I ran my hand over my jaw before slamming my fist against the hard, cold countertop.

I needed to call Stephen and see if he had any ideas of how to handle this. I grabbed my cell and dialed his number, listening to the water running in the distance. I didn’t want Emma overhearing anything Stephen and I would be discussing.

I ran my hand nervously through my hair as I paced, my eyes fixed on the bathroom. Stephen answered after three rings.

“It’s early, William. Surely you haven’t gotten yourself in to trouble already today.” He laughed, and I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to bite back my frustration. I pulled open the fridge and grabbed batter to make some pancakes.

“I have something I have to deal with, and I don’t think I am in the best frame of mind to handle it alone.” I pulled a pan out from under the island cupboard and placed it on the stove.

“That’s what friends are for.” He sighed loudly. “So, your ex didn’t take the bait. Now we have a drugged-out bitch to deal with.”

“Not her.” I heard the water shut off, and the old pipes in the warehouse whined. “I’ll be over as soon as I can.” I hung up the phone without waiting for his response. I poured batter in the pan and watched it bubble and harden around the edges before flipping it over to finish cooking. I tried to focus on the task at hand and not the constant threat to my sanity.

I slid the food on a plate and began making the next, preparing for the bathroom door to open. I would have to seem unbothered and disappointed if I were going to keep Emma from getting upset over not meeting her aunt today. Emma. I was slowly removing everyone from her life, and all she would have left is me. That isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to destroy her; I just wanted her to be mine. It wasn’t that I cared about her family or friends, but I wanted her to choose to be with me, not be backed into a corner. I needed her to want it.

The door to the bathroom squeaked open, and my eyes met Emma’s. I was drawn to her, and I was never disappointed. She was still dripping wet and wrapped in an oversized white towel and a smile. She looked like a present that was just for me. My cock twitched, and I adjusted myself.

“I thought I was going to have to come in there after you.” I winked at her, and her cheeks heated pink. I loved having that effect on her. I preferred to turn her skin pink by my own hand, but seeing it change just from one look was also satisfying.

“I couldn’t help myself. It felt so good.” She crossed the room and took a seat on a stool against the island. I grabbed her plate of pancakes and slid it in front of her.

“You even make a shower sound sexy.” I took a seat next to her, drawn to her like a fucking magnet. She reached across the counter for the syrup, and I pushed it away with a smirk. She glared at me as she reached out again, and I couldn’t help but push it further.

“Careful. Remember what happened with the sugar.” I narrowed my eyes, causing her to giggle at the thought of being bent over the counter and fucked.

“I’ll have to remember that for later. We have too much to do today.”

“I’m sorry, Emma. I’m going to have to meet your aunt some other time.” I searched her face for any sort of doubt or anger. She sank back in her seat, placing her fork on her plate as her lower lip jutted out. I wanted to bite it. I shook the thought from my head. I tucked her dampened hair behind her ear while I traced the shell with my fingertip.

“I got a call from my lawyer while you were in the shower. He needs me to overlook the paperwork about the Abby incident. It shouldn’t take long, but I think it would be best if we rescheduled meeting your aunt for another day.” My eyes searched her face as she visibly relaxed. I placed my finger under her chin when she didn’t respond. I pulled her chin toward me, forcing her to look me in the eye.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” I couldn’t handle any more stacked on top of me. I needed Emma to trust me so I could figure out how to right all of the wrongs I had caused.

She shook her head, her damp hair falling in her face as she smiled widely. “Of course I’m not. You take care of what you have to do, so we don’t have to worry about Abby anymore.”

I nodded and turned back to my food in front of me. She was being honest. She may be disappointed, but she wasn’t upset. I could work with that.

“Eat.” I took a bite of my food, feeling her eyes watching me as I ate. After a moment, she resumed eating, and not another word needed to be spoken.

Chapter Three

I washed our breakfast plates as Emma retreated to the bedroom to get dressed. I forced myself to scrub the plates in scalding hot water to keep myself from following her into that room. Fuck it. I sat the plate on the counter and made my way to the room. Her eyes met mine as the door squeaked open and she smiled. I couldn’t stop myself from raking my eyes over her body, but something troubled me. Why had she closed the door? I was losing my mind. I was beginning to doubt her feelings. Was she shy or scared?

“What?” Her smile faltered as she clung to the brush in her hand. I walked toward her, slowly, keeping my eyes locked on hers.

I reached out and ran my fingertips along the hard curve of her jaw.

“I don’t deserve you.” I searched her eyes for any fear but was met with a smile. She trusted me. It was a mistake on her part, but it made my chest swell with pride. Somehow, I will make this all right for her. Somehow, I will fix what I had done to her life, and hopefully she would still allow me to be in it. I slid my hand through her tangled wet hair and pulled her closer, ghosting my lips over hers. Her breath hitched, and she pushed her lips hard against mine. I normally would have punished her for such a bold act of defiance, but I needed it now—needed to know she wanted me as badly as I wanted her. Maybe she could then understand why I had to do the things I did. I groaned as I deepened our kiss, fisting my hand in her wet hair and holding her to me. Her body fell against mine. Her lips parted, granting me permission to take her.

I slid my free hand down her spine as her back bowed farther into me. I reached the waist of her jeans and forced myself to break from her spell. I rested my forehead against hers and took a deep, calming breath.

“I need to go. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She nodded in response, her eyes still closed. I ran the pad of my thumb over her plump lower lip, forcing myself not to take it in my mouth once more.

“I love you, Emma.” Her eyes opened and locked on to mine, searching for truth.

“I love you, William.” I can’t explain the effect her words had on me. My mouth found hers again, but I couldn’t force myself to be gentle. I gripped her ass as I kept her firmly against me, my cock hard and ready between us. Her mouth pulled free from mine, and we both panted.

“Do you have to leave now?” She asked as her eyes rose toward the ceiling. She wanted me to take her upstairs, to let me hurt her, because she knew how much I enjoyed it. That was even more reason for me to go. I couldn’t lose her after all we had been through.

“I have to do this now. I promise you, we have all the time in the world.” I leaned my forehead against hers, struggling for the strength to walk away from her. “I won’t be long.” She nodded in understanding, and I forced myself to pull away. I gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and left the bedroom before I gave up on everything just to touch her. I slid on my shoes and left the apartment as quickly as possible.

I couldn’t think straight anymore, and every ounce of control I once possessed was slipping away with every moment I spent with Emma. My world was crumbling and collapsing, but I couldn’t walk away. Don’t get me wrong, I had no regrets. When I thought back to the people who had stood in our way, there was no sympathy. But if any of my actions came back to hurt Emma, I couldn’t live with myself. I needed to keep her safe from the world. She was mine. But who was going to save her from me?

I got in my car and raced across town. I needed a voice of reason. I needed to be talked off a ledge. I made it to Stephen’s office in record time. I gave a nod to the receptionist who looked like she wanted to stop me from barging into his office, but something stopped her. I can add “scaring little old ladies” to the list of reasons Emma should run now. I pushed open the door, and Stephen froze mid-sentence. The young woman who sat across from his desk glanced up at me from behind her thick, black-framed glasses.

“Why don’t we discuss this later after you have run the numbers, Laura?”

The woman looked to Stephen and back to me, unsure if it was safe to leave us alone together. But slowly she rose from her chair and walked around me, keeping as much distance between her and me as possible. As soon as she exited, I closed the door behind me and locked it.

Stephen leaned back in his chair, his fingers steepled in front of his chest. “This couldn’t wait?” he asked and motioned to the seat that Laura had just vacated. I sat down, blowing out a long breath before clearing my throat.

“Things keep getting more complicated.” I shook my head. “I need your help.”

Stephen leaned forward, placing his arms on his desk.

“This isn’t the mob, Will. We can’t just kill anyone who gets in our way.” He half joked, but the look on my face made him realize this wasn’t a laughing matter, and his expression soon turned serious.

“I don’t want to kill anyone else. I want to make this shit right.” I ran a hand through my hair as I looked down at the floor.

“Emma.” He wasn’t asking. He knew everything was about Emma now. I couldn’t see anything else. I was becoming obsessed.

“I can’t lose her now. I love her.”

Stephen barked out a laugh, and I squeezed my fists, the skin of my knuckles stretching painfully.

“Will, I have known you forever. I know you better than anyone else does. I’m being a friend when I tell you this is heading down a road you have already been down.”

“She’s not Abby.” I said between clenched teeth.

“No, she’s not. But you are still you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I pushed the chair back roughly as I stood, leaning down over him. He didn’t flinch or pull away.

“Everyone you touch gets sucked into this force that you have. I am barely struggling to keep my head above water whenever you come around.”

“When I come around? You mean like the time I saved your ass? You mean when I did the fucking dirty work so you wouldn’t have to?”

“Lower your voice.” He leaned forward and talked just barely above a whisper. “I am forever grateful for what you have done, William. But it is time to take a step back and decide if this is all worth it. Is it worth the trail of blood that follows you for some piece of ass?”

I reached out, without thinking, and my fingers wrapped around Stephen’s throat, squeezing slightly.

“Don’t ever talk about her like that. I fucking love her.”

“You love yourself. You don’t know how to feel anything for anyone else outside of hate.” His voice broke as he struggled to take in a breath. I released him, shoving him back as I did so. He rubbed his neck as he looked me over.

“That’s not true.”

“Tell me what it is you love about her?”

I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I’m serious, William. I want to hear you say it.”

“Everything.” I threw my hands up.

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s the only fucking answer I got.”

“Because you don’t know what love feels like. It’s selfish.” This time he did flinch when I took a step toward him, the threat clear on my face.

“She loves me.”

“Will.” His eyes met mine, sad and regretful.

“You don’t think she loves me? You don’t think I deserve to be loved?” I was raising my voice again, but I couldn’t stop myself. There was a knock at the door, and Stephen and I stared at each other for a long moment.

“We are fine. Just a lively discussion,” he called out with a laugh. I ran my hands through my hair as I tried to figure out where this all went wrong.

“I think she is infatuated. She looks up to you and has no idea how deep she has gotten, and she won’t until it is too late.”

“You think I’ll hurt her? You think she isn’t safe with me? All I want is for her to be safe.” I slammed my hand down on his desk.

“If all that were true, you would walk away.”

I straightened my back as I looked him over. “I can’t.”

His expression turned somber. “Poor Emma.” He shook his head. “It’s not love. It’s infatuation.” Stephen shook his head.

“She is different.”

“Yeah, she is different, William. You aren’t.”

“Are you going to fucking help me or not?”

“Fine,” He motioned with his hand for me to take my seat and laced his fingers together. “Who is the problem now?”

I took a seat, taking a minute to calm myself down before I tried to explain.

“Emma has an aunt who treats her like shit.”

“We all have family that sucks. Look at your father.”

I glared at him but kept my mood level.

“She is J from the club. The club.” I had his attention now. Stephen ran his hand down his jaw and laughed.

“You think this is funny?”

“No. I really don’t.” He grabbed an oversized manila envelope from his drawer and tossed it on the desk. I furrowed my brow as I took it and let the pictures slide on to the desk. Pictures of Abby scattered across the desk, and it took a moment for me to realize where she was. The house in the background was Emma’s.

My eyes met his before I continued to take in what I was seeing. Abby was thin, and her skin grey in the sunlight. J was leaving the house, locking the door behind her. The next picture was of Abby stopping her in the street.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” I felt the bile rising in my throat. I was too late. J knew who I was. She knew about Emma, and now she knew Abby. “It’s too fucking late.” The enormity of the situation washed over me. Emma was going to leave me. There was no stopping it now.

“It’s not over. I have a high stake in this is well. Unfortunately, your infatuation with Emma has made things a little more complicated.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“This just landed on my desk. I didn’t know the relationship between J and Emma or I would have called you first.”

“Who did you call first?”

Stephen cleared his throat as his eyes danced over the pictures.

“Our hands are dirty enough from this, Will. It’s time we reevaluate and decide what it is we want in the end. It’s time to tie up the loose ends.”

“Abby is a fucking loose end. J didn’t have anything to do with this.”

“She has everything to do with it now.”

I pushed up from my seat and left his office as fast as I could. My mind was spinning, and all I could see was sadness in Emma’s eyes when the last of her family disappeared. It killed me inside to know that it was all because of me. Even if it wasn’t at my hand.

I drove across town to the club, hoping J would be there. I didn’t know what I would say to her. She knew too much. There was no telling how much Abby had said to her. No doubt, her goal was to threaten and make me feel like Emma was no longer safe. It worked. Stephen’s words echoed through my mind. I knew what I felt for Emma was love. I was no longer concerned about how something would affect me; I only wanted to make sure she didn’t get hurt.

I couldn’t see any other outcome. I wanted to prove to Stephen, prove to myself, that my feelings were genuine. I needed to know I wasn’t the monster anymore.

As I made my way to the old strip mall, I pulled in back and sat in my car for a minute, not sure what I was even going to say or do to right this wrong. If all Abby wanted was money, she would have kept my darker secrets hidden. Spreading the word would destroy her leverage. So what was it she had to confess?

I got out of my car and stalked off toward the door, glancing around to make sure no one had noticed me. As I pulled open the door to the club, J’s eyes shot up and locked on to mine, widening a fraction. I glanced down at the women who waited for their male companions to arrive.

“Can we talk?” I asked as I stepped closer to her desk. Her eyes danced around for a moment, seemingly satisfied that she had sufficient witnesses. She nodded once and stepped out from behind the desk. I followed her down the hallway to an open door on the left.

I pulled the door closed behind me, not bothering to lock it. I didn’t want her to be scared, and I had no idea how much she even knew.

“I heard we have a friend in common.”

“Several,” her voice was barely a whisper. I nodded, swallowing hard.

“I need to know what Abby told you.” My eyes met hers, and I knew she could see the threat behind them. J backed up a step before taking a seat on the edge of a small bed against the wall.

“She said she knew Emma and that she was in danger.”

“She threatened Emma?” The anger was boiling inside of me again.

“No. She said you were the danger.”

That felt like a blow to the stomach.

“J, I would never hurt Emma.”

“Like you would never hurt your ex-wife?” Her eyes darted to the door for a fraction of a second, but I caught it.

“Abby is as innocent as she seems.”

“She seems like a frail drug addict on the verge of death.”

“I don’t want Emma to get hurt. I would do anything to protect her.”

The look of concern left J, and the air in the room changed.

“Anything?” Her eyebrow cocked, and she pushed to her feet. I shook my head, wishing to fucking god this shit would end. I knew J was a bitch, but I never thought when push came to shove she would put herself above Emma.

“I am in love with Emma. All I want is to make sure she sees none of this.”

“That could be arranged.” She smirked, and I struggled to contain the anger that was boiling inside of me.

I crossed the room in two large strides, looming over her as I grabbed the hair in the back of her head. I yanked back forcefully, making her look me in the eye.

“You have no idea what you are asking from me. I’m giving you a chance to change your mind. Do the right thing, J.”

She swallowed hard, but her lips quirked in a smile.

“You don’t scare me, William.”

A slow grin spread across my face. “That is your first mistake.”

“Why her?” I could hear pain in her voice.

“It never would have been you.” I spat angrily as I released her hair and turned for the door. “Be home around seven tonight,” I called over my shoulder as I left the room. This place felt claustrophobic, no longer a retreat. I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough.

After I got in my car, I slammed my hands against the steering wheel angrily. I refused to do this to Emma. She didn’t deserve it. I needed to learn to walk away. I needed to cut all ties, but now it was too late. Too many people knew my secrets. Emma had no one. J didn’t give a fuck about her safety. She was jealous of her niece. How could I walk away now?

I had a few hours before J would be at her house waiting for me. Now I just needed a place to kill time. I couldn’t go back home or Emma would want to take me to meet her aunt. There was no way this could work out. I had very few options left. I could give J what she wanted, but where would it end? I could never look Emma in the eye if I did. I was far from a saint, but that would be the ultimate act of betrayal.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Stephen. He picked up on the first ring.

“This is over.” I squeezed my eyes closed, begging for my headache to fade.

“We want the same end game, William. I don’t want any more bloodshed to further our gain. I just want to know that I am safe.”

I nodded to myself. I knew J would not take to being threatened. She wanted one thing. I wasn’t willing to give it to her.

“She doesn’t know anything incriminating.” The crippling pain in my chest nearly cut off my words. I would be sacrificing my relationship with Emma by putting her above me. I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life, but for once, I needed to do what was right.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” My feelings for Emma saved me, and they would be the very thing that destroyed me.

Stephen sighed loudly into the phone.

“I liked you better when you didn’t have a conscience.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. I liked it better too. Life was easier when I didn’t have to worry about someone else. I didn’t give a fuck about J, and if it weren’t for Emma, I wouldn’t care if she rotted in a gutter. I wished my problem was a sudden urge to care for others, but that wasn’t the case. It was only Emma. It would only ever be Emma.

I let the reality of the situation wash over me. It was out of my hands now. That was the best I could do for her. I knew without a doubt that I would not be able to stop myself from teaching J a lesson. I was not the type to give in to blackmail. It was almost painful to give up control of the situation, but I had to do it for Emma. Stephen was far from a killer, and I knew he would do anything to keep the blood from rising to his front door. I would let the cards fall where they may and hope that Emma and I could move past whatever she might discover.

Hours rolled on, and the sun sank in the sky, sending brilliant colors to stain the clouds. I watched as J left and drove off toward her home. I watched as others came and went from the club. I wanted more than anything to go home to Emma and tell her I loved her. I loved to see the look on her face as I said the words. It made me feel whole, worthy.

I sat in the darkened lot as the street light illuminated the road ahead and replayed the last few weeks of my life over and over in my head. My world was spiraling out of control.

I started my car and drove absentmindedly back to my place. I needed to spend one last night with Emma by my side. I needed to feel her warm skin against mine. Tomorrow was a mystery, and for once, I wasn’t going to try to force the hand of fate.

I opened the lock to my apartment as quietly as possible, but as the door swung open, Emma sat up on the couch, stretching like a cat. I couldn’t help but smile at her as her eyes met mine. I locked the door behind me and tossed the manila envelope from Stephen on the island. Emma stood and made her way around the couch. It was like an invisible magnetic field pulling us toward each other, and I took large strides to meet her.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her body against mine as I claimed her mouth. I needed to taste her, to be a part of her. She returned the kiss hungrily. I shifted toward the wall and pushed her back against it as her legs circled my waist. My fingers dug into her hips as she panted against my mouth. Her grip mimicked mine as she dug her nails into my shoulders. My lips trailed hungrily down her throat, unable to get enough of the taste of her flesh.

“Tell me you want me, Emma.” I needed to hear her say it—needed to feel the words vibrate in her throat as I continued my assault. My hips ground painfully hard against hers.

“Oh…I want you,” she moaned as she pushed back. I slid my fingers under the thin fabric of her shirt, palming the weight of her breast in my hand. For at least one more night, she was mine. Her back arched farther off the wall, and I knew I was being too rough, but I could not control myself any longer. I claimed her mouth with mine again, forcing my tongue past her lips. She willingly let me in, swirling her own tongue in response.

I reluctantly placed her back on the ground and struggled to unbuckle her jeans with shaking fingers. I slid them slowly over her hips as she reached for my belt. I gripped her wrists and pinned them to the wall above her head. She struggled to press herself against me but I took a step back, wanting to maintain the last bit of control I had. I kissed her cheek and took her earlobe between my teeth. Her body sagged, and I kept my grip firm on her hands.

“Please!”

I couldn’t help but smile. Nothing turned me on more than her begging for me to be inside of her.

“I love it when you beg,” I whispered into her ear, unable to hide my own lust and wanting from my voice.

“Please,” she whispered again, and I couldn’t hold out any longer. My hips pressed back against hers, eliciting a moan from Emma.

“I would do anything for you…anything.” I looked her in the eye, wanting her to understand how serious that statement was.

She nodded as her mouth found mine again. I grabbed her shirt, pulling it over her head and tossing it to the floor. She only wore a pair of yellow cotton panties, and I wanted to rip them from her with my teeth. A growl rose from my chest at the thought of being the only man to have touched her flesh. She was mine and would be mine, no matter what distance she decided to put between us. Her shaking fingers found my shirt as she worked to undo the buttons. Her eyes searched mine, unsure if I would allow her to continue, but I loved that she was willing to risk punishment to be with me. I knew I was forever hers as well. I’d never be able to escape Emma, no matter who I was with. She would always be the one that changed everything.

When I did not stop her, she focused on the task at hand, not daring to question my kindness. She pushed the shirt over my shoulders, and I let it fall to the ground as her gaze danced over my tribal tattoo and back to mine. I took in every inch of her toned, milky skin. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she waited for me to make my next move. I lifted her in my arms again, wrapping her body around mine as I carried her off to the bedroom.

I wanted to take her to the third floor and keep her there forever to be mine whenever I wanted to take her. But I didn’t want that to be the last memory she had of us together. I needed to give her some semblance of normalcy. I wanted her to look back on our time together and not be completely revolted by who I was.

I laid her softly on the bed as I hovered over her, kissing the sweet flesh on top of her breasts. She lifted into me, pressing my lips harder against her as her nails raked over my back. I moaned and quickly undid my belt thenflexed under her touch.

“I want you, Emma. I want to possess you.” I groaned, hurting as I said the words. She would never be mine. I was so close to having the only thing I wanted in the world, and I was letting it slip through my fingertips. I didn’t know if this was what love felt like, but I didn’t want to feel like this for anyone but her. I wanted to please her and keep her safe, and that, to me, could be nothing else. I slid my jeans over my hips, not wanting to waste time kicking them all the way off. “Tell me that you’re mine.”

“Ahhh…” was the only sound she made as my mouth was once again on her. I slid my hand over her throat and gripped her jaw, jerking her head up so her gaze would meet mine. “Tell me.” I could no longer hide the desperation in my voice as I pushed my body harder against hers.

“I’m yours, only yours.” Her words were desperate as well but for other reasons. I didn’t want it any other way. I slipped my hand between us and loped them around her cotton panties, tugging harshly and ripping them from her body. Her hips lifted, and she ground against me, flesh against flesh. My eyes fell closed for a second as I let the pleasure wash over me.

I gripped the base of my cock and rubbed the head of myself against her wetness. She moaned, squeezing her eyes closed.

“Look at me. I want to watch you come.”

She squirmed beneath me, and I tried to memorize every curve of her beautiful face. I slid inside of her tight pussy slowly, wanting to savor every second. She panted with parted lips. I reached between us and ran my fingers over her clit. I ran the wetness over her lower lip and her tongue darted out; I lost all control. I slammed deep inside of her, hard. She bit down on her lip as I continued my furious pace.

“I…love…you…” I groaned as she met my thrust. Her legs tightened around my hips, and I knew she was close to coming.

“I love you,” she cried out, gripping onto the blanket as she tightened around the length of me. I came hard, binding us as one for what I knew would probably be the last time.

I collapsed on top of her, emotionally and physically spent. Her delicate fingers laced behind my neck. “I love you,” she whispered into my ear—her words the only sound I ever wanted to hear. I kissed along her neck until my lips reached her ear.

“I love you so much, Emma.” I held her tightly against me, not wanting to ever let her go, until she drifted off into a peaceful sleep below me.

My mind raced with thoughts of an empty future of solitude. How would I continue to protect her and keep her safe when her aunt filled her in on what kind of man I really was? I knew I had already asked too much of her, and she gladly accepted my faults, but everyone has a limit. Then the truth crept into the back of my mind. Emma wouldn’t need protection once she was rid of me. I was the reason her world was crumbling. If not for me, she would be starting her life as an adult. She would be falling in love and beginning a career. It made me sick to my stomach to know that I was the worst thing for her.

I tossed and turned the entire night until I decided to leave the bedroom so I wouldn’t wake her.

Chapter Four

I was on my second pot of coffee when the bedroom door opened, and Emma stepped through, already dressed for the day. I couldn’t help but smile sadly at the sight of her. I never wanted to forget how absolutely stunning she was when she first woke in the morning.

“Sleep well?” I hoped she hadn’t noticed that I hadn’t slept at all. I couldn’t force myself to close my eyes and miss out on the last few hours we may have had together. She grinned widely as she made her way toward me. I opened my arms and hugged her tightly, lifting her feet from the ground. “Shame. I was going to say if you weren’t happy, we could try again.” I winked at her as I sat her back on the ground. I was good at hiding my emotions, as I rarely felt anything outside of anger, but this was a struggle. Stephen’s words replayed in my head. He was wrong. This was love. It had to be love, and it was the most intense pain I had ever felt.

She smacked my chest playfully. Without thinking, my hand shot up and grabbed her wrist tightly.

“Careful. You know I like to play rough.” A beautiful crimson crept over her cheeks, and I had to look away to keep myself from changing my mind about being the good guy. I turned around and grabbed her a mug of coffee, already made to her taste.

“Thanks,” she smiled as she closed her eyes and inhaled. “Just what I needed.”

“I thought I was what you needed?” I frowned, but I knew I wasn’t, even if she thought differently. She took a sip from her steaming cup.

“I need this to keep up with you.” She laughed. For a minute, we were just a normal couple standing in our kitchen and enjoying each other’s company. It was the perfect lie.

“I better put on another pot, then.” I looked her over, wishing I could get just one extra day with her, but I didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve her.

“We can’t. We have to go see my aunt today.” She took another long sip from her mug.

I sighed and drank down the rest of my drink. “I guess we’d better get it over with, then.” I couldn’t look her in the eye. I stared down at my empty mug, fighting the urge to throw it against the wall.

“It’s not life or death, William. Worst thing that is going to happen is she will call me a whore and things will be exactly the same as they have always been.” She rolled her eyes as she spoke of her aunt and took another drink.

I only wished that were the worst thing that would happen. Instead, she would learn about my frequent visits to the sex club her aunt worked at. She, no doubt, would learn of her aunt’s infatuation with me. And the cherry on the cake will be whatever my ex had confessed to her. I knew that my ex must have told J something to convince her that I was a danger to Emma. My eyes searched her beautiful face as I pictured tears streaming down her cheeks, and I wouldn’t be able to hold her and make it all better. “Fine.” I slammed my mug on the counter and made my way to my bedroom to get ready. I grabbed a dark-gray shirt from my dresser and pulled it over my head as I made my way back into the main living area. Emma’s eyes were on my stomach as I pulled the shirt down, covering myself.

“Are you sure you don’t want to have a little fun first?” It was a last ditch effort to delay the inevitable, to feel normal if only for a few more minutes.

“Come on. Let’s just get this over with.” She sat her cup down and grabbed her purse. She held her hand out to me to take, and I did, pulling her body against mine. My lips pressed against hers, needing to feel her love for me. Her body relaxed against mine, and her lips fell open, inviting me in. I ran my tongue along her upper lip before slipping it inside and pushing against hers. She moaned into my mouth, and I knew if I really wanted to, I could delay our demise just a little while longer. My cock grew painfully hard at the thought of taking her back to my bed. I was tired of manipulating her. I pulled back, hating how alone I felt just inches from her.

“I need you.” I meant it in every sense of the words. I needed her to breathe, to feel. Without her, I knew I would lose myself again in the sadness and anger. I wouldn’t be able to come back again from the darkness. There would be no other Emma for me.

“I promise, when we get back, you can take me anywhere and anyway you like.” She grinned wickedly as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth. I would miss this. I would miss her so much it would be unbearable.

I reached up, using my thumb to free her lip from her teeth. “Let’s go.” I took her hand and pulled her behind me as we left the apartment and made our way down the stairs. I was fighting against my natural instinct of self-preservation.

Chapter Five

As we pulled up outside of Judy’s house, Emma looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. It killed me to know it was going to go much worse than she could ever imagine. It wasn’t as simple as her aunt disapproving of us, which was one thing I could not protect her against. She needed to know who the man she loved really was. I didn’t deserve her, and a small part of me had always known that. Still, I entertained the idea of running off with her and keeping her blissfully ignorant to the monster I was inside.

“Having second thoughts?” I asked, brushing a few strands of hair off her forehead. She shook her head as she opened her door. She paused looking back at me over her shoulder. “Just give me a minute, okay?” I nodded, and she leaned across the seat, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips before releasing my hand and leaving me to my own demons.

She walked toward the house, glancing back at me as she made her way across the street. It tore me up inside to sit back and let everything we had fall apart, but I wasn’t going to go against what Emma wanted. I watched her open the front door and step inside. My entire body was humming as I forced myself to sit in the car. My mind flashed with Judy telling Emma all the terrible things about me, and I wouldn’t be there to console her Not that she would want me to touch her after she finds out just how sick and twisted I really am. But Judy wouldn’t offer her that comfort, either. She would laugh in her face. I glanced over at the house and noticed that the driveway was empty. That was all the convincing I needed. I got out of the car and made my way across the street, slipping inside the front door of the small home.

Emma stepped out of the hallway, relief on her face, and I was finally able to breathe again.

“I was just going to call you. She’s not home.”

Her words took a second to sink in. Judy wasn’t home. I couldn’t help but smile. I had more time with Emma, if even just another day. I felt the weight of my guilt lift from my shoulders.

“Let’s go back to my place. A promise is a promise.” I smiled as I lowered my mouth to hers, needing to touch her. Before our mouths could meet, a faint melody interrupted us.

“What’s that?” She pulled back from me as her eyes searched mine. She made her way down the narrow hall, and I followed behind her, the sound growing louder as we approached. She stopped suddenly in my path, and her hand flew over her mouth.

“Oh, my god. That’s my aunt’s ringtone. She’s home.” She whispered, panic in her voice.

“But her car wasn’t in the driveway.” I said as Emma’s eyes searched mine. She hadn’t noticed, but that didn’t ease her worry. She reached out and gripped the doorknob to her aunt’s bedroom. It creaked loudly as she shoved it open. It took a moment for our eyes to adjust to the darkness.

I froze as I saw the lifeless, naked body of J strewn across her bed. Her legs were wide open, and she stared off into nothingness. This was what I wanted to avoid. I had done everything, even prepared to sacrifice my own love to make things right. Was this some sort of a cruel joke?

“Judy!” Emma’s painful scream broke me from my fog. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back from the room, trying to block her aunt’s dead body from her view. She struggled against my grip, and I held her tighter, refusing to let go. I would never let her go again. She thrashed and struggled as she cried out in heartbreak. I stroked her hair as I clutched her to my chest, hating that this was the only way she could still be mine. Even though I had not perpetrated the crime, I knew without a doubt that she had died because of me. Stephen had stepped up when he knew I wouldn’t.

“Shhh…” I whispered into her hair as I tried to desperately to keep her from losing it completely.

“I need to call someone!” She was breaking down. I pulled her toward me and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“It’s going to be okay, Emma. I’m going to take care of you.” I had no other choice. Confessing all of my sins now would only leave her completely alone. Not even I was that cruel. I wiped the tears from her cheeks as she looked up at me through unsure eyes. “I’ll be here the whole time.”

I placed another kiss on her damp skin before taking her by the hand and guiding her down the hallway to the kitchen. I grabbed Emma’s cell phone and guided her out the front door into the blistering heat of the afternoon sun.

With shaky fingers, she unlocked it and dialed the police.

“My aunt…my aunt is…,” she sobbed. Her voice was so weak and fragile. I couldn’t imagine that this was less painful for her than finding out who I really was. I took the phone from her shaky hands and carefully explained to the operator what had happened as Emma sank to her knees and cried. I didn’t deserve to be Emma’s hero in this situation. I was anything but. I hung up the phone and grabbed Emma, helping her to her feet. I took her in my arms and held her as more sobs wracked her body.

“This can’t be happening.” Her fingers fisted into my T-shirt, and she clung to me. Sirens began to wail in the distance, and soon the driveway filled with police and emergency vehicles of every kind. They moved in and out of the house, talking to us in brief spurts as they assessed the situation. Finally, an officer stood in front of us with notebook in hand.

“I need to take your statements,” he said, his eyes dancing between us.

“I just came home. I didn’t think she was here. I found her.” Emma sounded like she was in a daze.

“Can you verify your whereabouts in the past twenty-four hours?” His gaze drifted between Emma and me.

“She was with me.” Admitting that Emma and I were together would finally do us some good. It was sickening that anything in this situation would bring me any kind of pleasure, especially if I was the indirect cause. I shook the thought from my head. This was Abby’s doing. If she had kept her distance and not been so goddamned greedy, Emma wouldn’t be hurting.

“Is there anyone else who can verify that?” he asked. His eyebrow rose as he looked at us. I glanced down at Emma, my lip curling into a slight smile.

“We were alone.” I saw it register in his eyes that Emma and I were alone together for good reason. He didn’t push it further.

He continued to question us, directing most to Emma, but when she was unable to find the words or contain her emotions, I did my best to fill in the blanks. No one knew that J and I had a past outside of the club. To the outside world, it would be a coincidence if it ever came to light. Even Emma would verify that we had never met while we’ve been a couple. I had dodged a bullet, while J lost her life.

They brought J’s body out on a stretcher covered by a thin white sheet, and Emma collapsed in my arms. I knew she had seen too many of her loved ones’ lives cut short. It killed me inside to know that if I hadn’t been in her life, she might still have her around. I was also well aware that Judy did not care for Emma, and who knew what state of mind she would be in without someone who loved her and protected her?

“Do you have somewhere you can go for a few days?” The officer directed the question to me. “This is a crime scene, and you won’t be allowed back inside until we’re done here.”

Emma nodded as she borrowed deeper into my side. I held her firmly against me. I wasn’t going to let her leave my sight. Not now or ever. The officer reached out, patting Emma on the shoulder to offer his condolences. I stiffened, hating another man touching her. It went unnoticed.

After hours in the sun, we were finally finished with the questioning. We needed to go down to the station and make our official statements. I knew Emma had been through enough, but it was important for her to give her side of the story while it was fresh in her mind and her emotions were still in overdrive. The police needed to see how affected she was by the loss, if only to keep their eyes from turning to me. After they were satisfied, we made our way back to Judy’s house.

I waited outside while an officer escorted Emma to her room to gather a few of her belongings. She stepped outside after a few minutes, with fresh tears in her eyes. I took her hand and pulled her away from the home. As we made our way toward the end of the driveway, the garage door rose behind us, and Emma gasped as she turned to see her aunt’s car inside. Whomever Stephen had hired to do this could have still been inside, and we would have never known. I could have sent Emma in to her death. It ripped me apart to hide the rage that boiled inside of me as I thought about how careless I had been.

Chapter Six

Emma was practically catatonic beside me as I drove her to my building across town. She didn’t break down until we pulled into the first floor of my place. Her body shook as the tears streamed down her cheeks. It gutted me inside that I couldn’t take away her pain. I exited the car and quickly made my way to her side. I pulled open her door and carefully lifted her into my arms. She snuggled against my chest and continued to weep as I carried her up the stairs and inside of my apartment. I took her straight into my bedroom, leaving the light off. I lowered her into the bed and slid in behind her, wrapping my arms around her body and pulling her tight against me.

She began to cry louder as I held her, stroking her arm as she let go of all the pain that plagued her. I hated that I was partly to blame for what she was feeling. I wished I could take all of her hurt away, but all I could do was lie by her side as the pain ripped her apart.

For what felt like hours, she shook and cried out until, finally, her body became weak, and she slowly stilled in my arms. I knew she was still crying, but she had exhausted herself.

“I can help distance the pain.” She glanced over her shoulder at me, and I squeezed her reassuringly. I had lived in a constant state of pain for years—an emotional torment that would only ebb when I was willing to let go and let pleasure take over. “Let me take it all away for you.” I knew it would be true for Emma. She was a natural submissive, and handing over control to me for awhile would give her time to not think. She would just feel, and it was up to me to make it pleasure or pain. I only wanted to please her.

She nodded, and I let my hand slide down over her abdomen. She rolled onto her back, and I positioned myself over her. She looked up at me through sad eyes as I slowly began to undress her.

I pulled her shirt off and followed with my own. I removed our pants and the rest of our clothing just as quickly.

“I love you so much, Emma.” I pressed my lips softly against hers, not wanting to go too fast or too hard. I needed her to focus on us. I settled between her thighs, and she sighed in my mouth as her legs fell open. I rocked against her slowly as her breathing quickened. Her nails dug into my flesh as I took my time kissing my way down her neck, trailing kisses across her collarbone.

“Please,” she begged as I took her hardened nipple into my mouth, sucking on it gently. I rolled my tongue over the bud, and she arched into my mouth. “Please, William. I need you.”

I kept my pace slow as I ventured down her stomach, licking and kissing as I made my way to her belly button. She squirmed underneath me as I dipped my tongue inside and continued a trail down to her hipbone. She lifted her waist, desperate for me to move faster. I took my time as I kissed my way down her inner thigh and back up. “Aah…please.” I looked up at her as her head fell back, and I placed soft kisses over her already wet slit. Her hips rotated against my mouth. I gripped onto her hips and ran my tongue against her, licking up every drop. She bucked against me, but I kept her tight against the bed as my tongue swirled over her clit. As her hips stilled, I used one of my hands to spread her open so I could fuck her with my tongue. “Yes,” she cried out as I slipped inside of her, thumb rubbing over her clit. Her hands fisted in my hair as she finally let go of all of her sadness and let herself get lost in the moment. I swirled my tongue over her and pushed a finger inside of her tight pussy. She bucked and cried out as she began to ride my hand. I slid a second inside of her.

“Let go,” I whispered as her body began to throb and pulse. She came hard, unraveling completely. I crawled up the length of my body and positioned myself at her entrance.

“Thank you.” Her arms wrapped around me.

“We’re just getting started.” I pushed inside of her.

Chapter Seven

I needed to feel some semblance of normal after receiving my second chance with Emma. I told her to get dressed and made my way out to the living room. I grabbed my phone, looking back at the door to make sure she wasn’t coming before I tapped out a text to Stephen.

You should not have done that.

After a minute, a reply came in.

I was looking out for you. Your judgment is clouded.

You should have looked out for yourself. You hurt her.

I slid my phone into my pocket as Emma came out of the bedroom. I suggested she find something to watch on television as I fixed us something to eat. As fucked up as I had made our lives, it was moments like these, peaceful boredom in the midst of chaos, that I lived for. I craved the feeling of normalcy as much as I craved control.

I made us cold cut subs while I watched Emma relaxing on the couch as the television screen flashed through the channels. She settled on the news, and I watched as J’s face took up the screen its entirety. I ran to Emma, pulling her in my arms. No matter what I did to shelter her from the world, it found its way to her. I grabbed the remote from her shaky hand and changed the channel before dropping it beside me and turning my attention back to her. I stroked her hair as I tried to console her.

“Shh…it’s okay.”

“I can’t do this.” Her words cut through me. I tried to ignore the pain in my chest. I kept her tightly in my grasp.

“I’ll help you through this.” She did not pull away, and I forced myself to relax. It wasn’t me she was trying to escape. “Nothing can hurt you anymore. I won’t let it.” I let my hand slide down her back as I rubbed it soothingly. She relaxed, placing a small kiss on my neck.

“Thank you.” I pulled back to look her in the eye as a tear ran down her cheek. I wiped it with the pad of my thumb. Her hand shot up to hold it against her face as her eyes fell closed. She trusted me completely, and I would not let her down.

“Let’s get you something to eat.” I stood, keeping her hand in mine as I pulled her to her feet. I led her to her seat at the island and grabbed our plates from the counter, placing them in front of her. She grabbed a chip and popped it into her mouth.

“Thank you,” she said as she brushed a crumb from her lip.

“It’s not my best cooking, but I figured you had to be hungry.” Before Emma, it was nearly impossible for me to empathize with others’ pain. She had taught me how to care again, even if only for her.

I ran my hand through my hair and took the seat next to her.

“No, I mean for everything. Thank you for being there for me.” She smiled. I tipped her chin up to look her in the eye, still unable to trust the love I saw in them for me.

“I’m not going anywhere, Emma. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” I laughed. Truer words had never been spoken.

“Why would I want to get rid of you?”

The smile fell from my face as I shook my head and returned my attention to the plate in front of me.

“Eat. You need your energy.” I refused to let myself think about all of the reasons Emma should turn her back on me and run as fast as she could. I didn’t need to remind myself of all the wrong I had done, because I was all she had left. I had to keep my past a secret now or risk her being completely alone.

“You have barely touched your food.” I gestured to her plate. She had only taken a few bites, and I had eaten my entire sub.

“I’m not really that hungry.” She set her sandwich on her plate.

“Eat.” I wasn’t asking. Emma still needed discipline and guidance. Something she had never gotten growing up.

“I’m really not that—”

I narrowed my eyes, and the words caught in her throat. “I’m not asking.” I grabbed my plate and took it over to the sink. I didn’t need to turn around to know that she had resumed eating. This was the one aspect of our relationship that ran flawlessly. I needed to dominate, and Emma needed someone to keep her in line and protect her.

I washed the few dishes in the sink as I tried to decide where we should go next in all of this. We were almost free to live our lives like a normal couple. But nothing about this would ever be normal. I wouldn’t be able to give Emma the things in life she really wanted. I could never give her children. It was fucked up enough that I pulled her down into my world—but never a child. I put the plates in the cupboard and grabbed a soda from the fridge. I placed it in front of Emma as she put the last bite of food in her mouth.

“Good girl.” I traced the curve of her jaw with my fingertip. Her face turned pink under my touch, and I couldn’t help but grin. I turned back to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. I grabbed a few tumblers from under the island and sat them between us.

“I don’t know about you, but it has been a long day, and I could use a drink.” I smiled down at her.

“Thanks.” I poured her a double shot and slid the glass closer. She picked it up and smelled it, making a face of disgust as she set it back on the countertop.

“Don’t ever hesitate. You just have to go for it, or you will talk yourself out of it.” That was how I went through life and got what I wanted. I slid the glass closer to her. She took a deep breath and drank it down, her face twisted in disgust as she chugged a gulp from her soda. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Again. This time, no chaser.” I refilled her drink as I watched her eye it cautiously. “Drink it.” I said slowly. She picked it up and drank the contents without a second thought. I drank mine as I watched her cough.

“Good girl.”

She smiled widely at my praise.

“More?” I held up the bottle between us. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. I didn’t want her to get wasted, but I needed to help her take the edge off. I poured another round, and we both drank.

“Woo,” she called out as it burned down her throat. The mood had lightened significantly, and I took satisfaction in being able to ease her discomfort, even if my methods were fucked up. She slid her glass back over to me.

“I think that’s enough for now.”

She pushed out her lower lip in a pout and I reached across the island, rubbing over her mouth with my thumb. “Let’s go have some fun.” I cocked my head toward the elevator and raised my eyebrow. She blushed, looking down at our empty glasses.

Chapter Eight

The third floor was the only place I could truly be myself. It was where the demons I carried inside of me got the chance to come out and play.

My eyes danced over Emma’s nearly naked body draped facedown over a high bench. I had her keep panties on to offer her some modesty. I knew she was eager to please me, but I wanted her to grow to love it and anticipate this time as much as I did. I would never leave this floor if it weren’t for that. This wasn’t something you could jump into with both feet. Trust took a long time to gain and only one mistake to rip away.

I secured her hands above her head and spread her legs wide. I didn’t bother securing her ankles because I enjoyed watching her struggle to follow my orders while overcome by pleasure. I leaned over her, my lips against her ear.

“If you move your legs, I will punish you.” I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of her sharp intake of breath as she stiffened beneath me. “You will fucking love it.”

She relaxed, releasing her breath as I stood upright and looked down over her.

“Do you remember the safe word?” I asked as I skimmed my fingertip down the back of her thigh, leaving a trail of goose bumps.

“Oh…god…”

I smiled as I brought my hand down fast and hard across her perfect ass. Red spread across her flesh, and I admired my mark.

“Wrong.” I brought my hand down again across the other cheek as it bloomed with color. I ran my fingers softly over the mark, dipping my fingers between her legs to feel how wet I had made her.

“Flower,” she panted as I slowly slid my fingers inside of her. “Ahh…yes…flower.”

I stilled my hand, and she squirmed.

“Are you using your safe word?” I asked as she turned her head to look at me.

“What? No! No!”

I couldn’t help but smile as I smacked her ass playfully.

“Stay still.” I poured some tingling lubricant over my fingers and ran them over her slit. She bit back a moan as her ass pushed back against my fingers.

“You can moan. I want to hear you enjoying this.” I rubbed over her again, pressing against her clit and bringing my fingers back over her ass. I felt her muscles tighten. “Just enjoy it, Emma.” I used my other hand to reach between her legs and massage her clit. I pressed two fingers into her pussy and fucked her slowly with my hand before pulling out and slipping my fingers over her ass. Her body stayed relaxed this time.

“Good girl.” I praised her as I repeated the process over and over, spreading the lubricant. After she was completely relaxed, I pushed my finger against her ass. She flinched, tugging against her restraints. “Shh…” I whispered. I knew it would not be as painful as she imagined. I used a lube that had a numbing effect, but she would have to trust me completely. I pushed the head of my cock against her pussy, shoving hard inside of her as she moaned. I pushed my finger further into her ass as I drove into her.

“William,” she whimpered, but I didn’t slow down.

“Emma, I want you. Every part of you. I can’t help myself.”

Her ass pushed back against me, and I couldn’t help but growl as she submitted herself to me so willingly. “Let me take you. Please let me take you. I can’t wait any longer.” I pulled out of her completely, gripping her hips so tightly they would probably bruise as I positioned myself against her ass. “Relax,” I commanded as I reached around her and rubbed her swollen clit.

“Ahh…yes…” she purred. I pushed my head inside of her, holding perfectly still as I stroked her pussy.

“Do you want me to stop?” I groaned, struggling to keep from burying myself inside of her. She shook as her orgasm began to build.

“No,” she moaned, and I rubbed faster as I pushed against her, slipping deeper inside until I was fully seated in her perfect, tight ass.

“This is mine, Emma. Every part of you is mine.” I groaned as I withdrew slowly, struggling not to fuck her hard like I needed. “Tell me, Emma. I need to hear you say it.”

“Every part of me is yours.”

I fucked her gently as I continued to massage her clit. “Mine,” I moaned as my hips bucked faster, desperate to fill her with my seed.

“Yes…I belong to you…William.”

Her words sent me over the edge, and I came hard as her body quivered beneath me.

“Jesus Christ,” I growled as I withdrew from her body and quickly undid the straps that bound her to the bench. She stood, staggering as she stretched. I forced too much on her, too much on her too quickly. I grabbed our clothing and wrapped my arm around her waist to guide her to the elevator. I cursed myself for taking advantage of her while she was mourning the loss of her aunt, even if the loss was not that great.

I guided her to the bedroom and waited for her to sit before I left to get her some water and aspirin. When I returned, she was curled up under the covers.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No…no…it’s nothing. I’m fine.”

I took a step closer, trying to read her expression. “Are you sure?”

“It’s nothing a little medicine and your touch can’t cure.” She smiled as she sat up in the bed.

“Here, I thought you may be a little sore.” I handed her the glass of water and opened the pills, dumping a few in her hand. I watched her dump the pills into her mouth and gulp down a sip of the water.

“Thank you.”

I smiled down at her as I climbed into bed and wrapped my arms around her. Having Emma in my arms was the only thing that seemed to keep the world on its axis. I drifted off to sleep as I held her firmly in my grasp.

Chapter Nine

I awoke to Emma groaning in pain. “Are you okay?” I asked as I ran the pads of my fingers along her cheek.

“I’ve been better.” My heart sank at her words. “But it was worth it, though.”

I smiled with relief, tangling my fingers in her hair and pulling her mouth to mine.

“Mmmm…” She moaned against my lips, and my body immediately reacted, growing stiff against her. I pulled back, pressing my lips to her forehead before forcing myself to get out of bed.

“Where are you going?” She asked as she propped herself on her elbow and stared up at me. I grabbed the bottle of aspirin and gave her two more pills to take with the water from last night. She took them without protest.

“Come on.” I held out my hand to her as I tipped my head toward the door. She furrowed her brow and handed me her glass of water.

“Where are we going?” She asked as she sat up. I took her hand and pulled her to her feet, her naked body flush against mine.

“Let’s go get cleaned up before we get dirty again.” I winked as I pulled her behind me to the bathroom. I turned on the water and waited for it to get slightly warmer than room temperature before turning back to Emma.

“You are so beautiful.” I couldn’t resist touching her delicate face. She shied away from my words, looking down at the floor between us. I tipped her chin up so she would look me in the eye. “You really are.”

She tucked her hair behind her ears nervously as her eyes scanned my face for any trace of deception. I rubbed over her silky strands. “You really don’t know, do you?” I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “My beautiful, broken girl.” I took her hand and turned her toward the tub. She dipped her toe in, testing the temperature. “Good?” I asked.

“Perfect.” She smiled as she slid down into the water. I turned off the faucet and lowered my body in behind hers. She relaxed her body against mine, her arms resting on my knees as I grabbed the liquid soap and poured it into my hands. I rubbed my slick fingers over her breasts, but I couldn’t get my mind off the sadness that was still waiting outside of my door. She noticed my hesitation.

“What?”

I absentmindedly began to rub my palm over the peak of her breast. “We need to start thinking about funeral arraignments.” I hated having to bring her down. It broke my heart to know that my words caused her sadness. She nodded, but did not reply, and I continued to hold her tight against me and wash away her pain. It was one of the few moments that touching her wasn’t about giving me pleasure. Slowly, I was beginning to learn that loving her wasn’t about how she made me feel, but how I could make her life a little bit easier. A lesson I wished I had learned weeks ago.

When her body was sufficiently clean, she turned around to return the favor. Her soapy hands slid over my chest and down the ridges of my abdomen. My body reacted like it always did under her touch, and I grew hard. I grabbed her wrist, not sure if I would be able to control myself once her fingers brushed against my cock. Her stare was unwavering, and I let her slide from my grip. She wrapped her fingers around my length. I let my eyes close and enjoyed the touch of her for a moment before forcing her to stop. I didn’t want her worrying about satisfying me when I was the cause of all of her pain.

“That is enough of that.” I gave her a small smile before slipping out of the tub. I wrapped a towel around my hips and reached out to take her hand and pull her from the chilly water. She shivered as I grabbed a towel and draped it around her body.

“Thank you,” she whispered as I turned to walk out of the bathroom. I nodded. “I mean it. For everything.”

I stopped in my path, unable to resist the pull of my heart to her. I spun around, lifting her in my arms to kiss her. “I love you, Emma. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” They were the most honest words I had ever spoken. I would walk away from Emma if I needed to, but I also knew I wouldn’t survive the loss of her.

She slipped her fingers into my hair and pressed her lips softly against mine. I lowered her back down and made my way into the kitchen. My mind was only on her and making all of this right. I grabbed the phone and held it out to her.

“You need to call the police and see if her body is able to be released.” Her smile faltered, and I hated myself for forcing her to do something that would cause her more pain. “Emma, you need to do this. I would do it for you if I could. I would take all the pain from you if it were possible.” She nodded, taking the phone from my hand and grabbing the detective’s card from her purse.

I busied myself making something to eat as she spoke quietly on the phone. I cooked up some grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. I figured some comfort food might make her feel a little more at ease about the situation. Honestly, I had no idea what would help her. I was the last person to give advice to someone with a broken heart. Until I had met Emma, I wasn’t sure I had one at all.

She hung up the phone with an audible sigh and slid into her seat at the counter. I slid a bowl of soup in front of her and a plate with her sandwich.

“What did they say?” I asked as she looked over her meal, tears clouding her eyes.

“Thanks,” she mumbled quietly.

“What did they say?”

“They said her death was…insulin overdose.” She tore off a corner of her sandwich and dipped it into the creamy liquid.

Whomever Stephen had hired knew what he was doing. It was a dark secret of the fetish world. A little insulin play could quickly turn into a murder. I never personally understood the urge to render a partner catatonic. I preferred a willing participant or even a little struggle.

“That’s a good thing, right? You don’t have to worry about someone coming back to hurt you.” I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. What if she didn’t want to stay with me anymore because she was safe? I took a large bite from my sandwich as I thought over how I would keep her with me now.

“I guess. I never realized being diabetic was that serious. I just don’t believe she is gone.” I could feel her eyes on me, and I knew I should say something to comfort her, but I was at a loss. “They said I could make arrangements”

I finished my meal and began to make calls to arrange the funeral.

Chapter Ten

We had decided to hold the service at Jacoby’s Funeral Home just down the road from my place. Taylor Jacoby was a frequent visitor of the club.

As we pulled up outside of the modest brick building, I squeezed Emma’s hand, bringing it to my lips for a kiss.

“I’ll be there with you. You don’t have to worry about anything.” She nodded in understanding, and I reluctantly released her hand and got out of the car. I made my way to the passenger side and held out my hand again for her to take. I needed to have the contact with her. I needed to know that through all of this, she was not doubting us. That nagging voice in the back of my head replayed Stephen’s words, and I knew he was right about how selfish I was. But he was wrong about love. This had to be it. I planned every detail of the funeral, making sure Emma agreed with my decisions. She looked so small and frail, and I wished I could have left her at my place while I took care of everything. Death was not an emotional experience for me. People died, some peacefully and some violently. In the end, we would all die, and the world would continue to turn.

Emma was nothing like me. She would carry around the pain, the guilt. I knew she was probably blaming herself for not having had a better relationship with Judy. And although we hadn’t spoken about it, it was more than obvious Judy had not been a saint on the night she had died. Luckily, the police seemed convinced that her nudity was unrelated to her sudden demise.

“Let’s get you back home.” I pulled her body against my side as I walked her back to my car. As soon as she was safely inside, she cranked up the radio and stared out of the windshield, her expression blank.

I turned the volume down slightly as I watched her.

“Do you want to talk…about anything?”

I watched as her expression changed, but she quickly shook her head and reached for the radio to drown out her thoughts. I tried not to take it as a personal slight. It was difficult for most to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, even if that person was less than loving. It made people question their own mortality.

I sped home, just wanting to hold her in my arms again. As we pulled into the first floor of the old warehouse, she pushed open her door and took off for the stairs. I had to take the steps two at a time to catch her. She stood with her forehead against my door, eyes closed. I wrapped my arms around her tiny body and pulled her into my chest. I fumbled with my keys and unlocked the door to the apartment behind her back.

I lifted her and carried her inside, setting her gently on the couch.

“What is it?” I asked as I brushed a few wisps of hair from her face.

“I’m going to lose you, too, aren’t I?” I wasn’t sure if she meant that I would one day die or that I would leave her. The thought of ever being separated from her made me sick to my stomach.

“Never, Emma. You are my everything. I could never leave you. You would be impossible to forget. Why would you even think that?” My fingers slid into her hair, gripping the strands as I searched her eyes. She nodded, not responding to my question.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too. So much.”

“Wait here.” I placed a small kiss on her forehead and forced myself to release her. I wanted normal. I grabbed a Yahtzee box from my closet and brought it out to her. A smile flashed across her face.

“What is that?” She laughed as she cocked her head to the side.

“This, my dear, is a distraction.” I sat down in the center of the living room and motioned for her to join me. She quickly joined me, folding her legs under her body.

“Yahtzee. Really?”

“What? You were expecting Parcheesi?”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the dice. We played for hours and forgot about all the things that haunted us. Emma put the impending funeral in the back of her mind. I focused on trying to please her without gaining something in return. Just seeing her smile made me feel better, and I didn’t know if it were truly possible to be selfless. I was still gaining something from her.

She yawned as she stretched her body out across the floor.

“Quitting already?” I asked as my eyes travelled down her body. She propped herself up on her elbows as my eyes finally found hers again.

“Thank you…for everything.”

I winked and pushed myself to my feet. Did it matter that I enjoyed making her happy? I was still doing something for her, and wasn’t that what love was about? I held out my hand to her, and she slipped her slender fingers into my palm. I pulled her to her feet, and her body slid against mine.

“One more day to go.” I kissed her on the top of her head. As long as Emma was in my arms, I knew there was hope for me yet.

Chapter Eleven

Emma consumed my every waking thought, but even the night gave little refuge from my obsession. I had watched her sleeping beside me peacefully for the last hour. Every once in a while, her brow would furrow, and I resisted the urge to reach out and smooth the wrinkles that marred her delicate features. Her lips parted, and her tongue ran out to wet her lips, causing my thoughts to turn darker. I ran my hand over her waist and over the slope of her hip, letting my fingers glide over her bare mound. She stirred as a quiet moan escaped her. She was already damp between her thighs.

I knew the last thing I should’ve been doing was thinking of fucking her, but I couldn’t help myself.

“That was the best wakeup call I have ever received.”

“It’s not over yet.” I took a nipple between my teeth, gently, before rolling my tongue over its peak. I dipped my hand lower, sliding a finger inside her wet entrance.

“Aah…” she moaned as I began to fuck her slowly with my hand and kissed her breasts. She looped her arms around my neck, and I grabbed her wrist with my free hand and kissed it before forcing it against the pillow above her head. I put my lips against the shell of her ear, loving how she struggled against me.

“I like it when you fight.”

She lifted her hips to push my finger deeper inside of her as she moaned. I slid another finger inside of her pussy as I rubbed my palm hard against her clit. She pushed her free hand against my chest, and I slammed my body down on hers, unable to contain my grin.

“Bad girl.” My mouth claimed hers, hard and full of wanting. I pulled her lower lip between my teeth, struggling not to bite down so she wouldn’t cry out. She continued to buck against me, begging to find her release. I withdrew from her and grabbed her free hand, securing it above her head with the other.

“I want to hear you beg for it.”

Her mouth clamped shut as she struggled not to give the control over to me. I already had it, and it was between her thighs, throbbing against her entrance. I knew she wanted me just as badly as I wanted her. I pushed against her and she moaned loudly, her lips parted.

“Do you want me?” I asked as I slipped my free hand between us and over her folds.

“Yes.” She lifted her head from the pillow to kiss me, but I pulled back out of reach.

“Tell me you want me.” I kept my mouth out of reach as I tightened my grip on her wrists under my hand.

“I want you, William.”

I thrust into her hard. She cried out in pleasure and pain. I covered her mouth with mine, swallowing her pleas as I fucked her. My fingers squeezed her delicate wrists as I neared my release. Her hips rocked back against mine, meeting my thrusts with equal passion. I broke away from her perfect fucking lips to stare down at her flushed face.

“Tell me you belong to me.” I needed to hear it, to feel it as she came around my cock.

“I’m yours, William.” I slammed inside of her as every muscle in my body tightened, and I filled her with my come. Her walls constricted around my dick, milking every last drop from me as she let go and tumbled over the edge of ecstasy with me.

I collapsed on top of her, struggling to right my breathing as I focused on the steady thumping of her heart against my chest. I knew mine was just as erratic, and it wasn’t because of the sex. It was her. She would always have this effect on me. I knew if she ever left me, it would stop altogether.

I shook the thought from my head and pulled her from the bed. My plan for the day was to do anything I could to keep her mind off the impending funeral.

We made our way into the bathroom to soak in the tub and clean ourselves up from our morning activities, although I enjoyed the idea of her walking around all day with a piece of me inside of her. I wanted to keep her filled with my seed.

She relaxed against my chest as I ran my fingers down her damp arm.

“Tell me about your first kiss?” Her question caught me off guard and amused me.

“Junior high. She slapped me.” Visions of Katie Moore pinned against her locker in the empty hallway at school filled my memories.

“Quite the lady killer.” Emma laughed, and my hand stilled as I struggled to bite back the anger that always seemed to sit just under the surface.

“I got you didn’t I?” I whispered quietly against her ear. Her body stiffened against me.

“I didn’t mean to offend—”

“You didn’t.” I ran my soapy hand over her leg as I watched the bubbles pop against her silky skin.

“What about pets?” She was eager to change the subject and ease the tension. I was making her scared. I took a deep breath and tried to change my tone.

“I got a golden retriever for Christmas when I was ten. Her name was Lacey. She was a great dog.” She had been my best friend during a lonely childhood. When I was thirteen, my father had come after me for standing up for my mother. Lacey bit his forearm as he swung to hit me. I sat back in shock as she latched on to him, and blood poured from the corners of her mouth. I could hear my father screaming at me to call her off, but I was in a trance as I watched her protect me from the man that should have been my protector.

An hour later, my beloved best friend was dead, and I was tasked to dig the hole in the backyard to bury her.

“What about you?” I asked, wondering if Emma had a best friend who had kept her company and made her feel safe.

“My mother was highly allergic to pet dander. I was never allowed to have a dog.” She sighed heavily. I slid my hands up her arms to her shoulders as I tried to rub the tension from her muscles.

“We can get a dog one day.”

She relaxed against me as she lifted her hand from the water and examined her fingers.

“I’m beginning to prune.”

I stepped out of the tub and got us each a towel. I was unable to pull my eyes from her body as she ran dried herself off. We made our way back to the bedroom and pulled on some clothes. As much as I would have loved to keep Emma naked all day, I needed to prove to myself that there were more reasons for my affection toward her. It was becoming an obsession. I watched as she pulled on a tank top and jeans while I buttoned my own pants and pulled a navy blue shirt over my head.

Emma took my hand and pulled me into the kitchen, motioning for me to sit down at the island as she made her way around the kitchen to prepare us brunch. I hated not being the one in charge at all times, but even I couldn’t deny how well she fit in around here. She belonged.

“I need to get these smoke detectors upgraded if you’re going to take over cooking in my kitchen.” She glared over her shoulder at me as she stood in front of the stove.

“Careful.” I cocked an eyebrow at her, and her cheeks flushed as she turned her attention back to the omelet in the frying pan.

“So…what are our plans for the day?” She asked as she flipped the food. I saw a splatter of melted butter fly from the pan and sizzle on top of the burner.

“I was thinking we could rent a movie, cuddle on the couch.” I couldn’t focus on anything but wanting to take the spatula from her hand. Being equal in a relationship was definitely lower on my list of priorities. I pushed up from my seat and made my way to the coffee maker so I could brew a fresh pot.

“A movie sounds great.” I grabbed some plates from the cupboard and sat them next to her. She dished out the food as I grabbed two coffee mugs and waited for the pot to finish brewing. Even without total control, we worked well together, and I knew I could get used to that.

We both sat at the island as I looked over my plate. It looked and smelled amazing.

“This is nice, having you here all the time.” I took a bite of my food and struggled not to make a face. Perhaps giving over control of the kitchen would have to wait. I watched her as she began to eat, scrunching her nose as she tasted it.

We ate in silence, and I made sure to eat every last bite. Was it selfless to suffer through her horrendous cooking to keep from hurting her feelings? I’m going to break Stephen’s fucking nose for making me question my every motive.

I cleared our plates and had to smile when I noticed Emma had finished her meal without me having to tell her to. It made me wonder, if she weren’t someone I saw as a victim who needed guidance, would my feelings for her have taken hold of me the way they had. What if she became stronger and didn’t need me to help her anymore? Would she still want me? Would I still need her?

I washed our dishes as I thought over our relationship. I had spent years blocking out any emotional attachment to others, and now I was overwhelmed. My last relationship ended badly, and as easy as it was for me to put the blame on Abby, I knew that my life turned out the way it had because of the way I am. I had needed control, and if someone had stood in the way of something I wanted, I didn’t hesitate to take him or her out of the equation. I didn’t know what the outcome would be if Emma challenged my authority. That scared me more than anything did. I could never truly protect her if I couldn’t leave her.

I drove us down to the movie store across town and made my way through the aisles as I glanced over the covers. Emma took off toward the romantic comedies.

“What about this one?” She held up a DVD that had a female bounty hunter on the cover. I frowned and shook my head as I grabbed the movie in front of me that had caught my attention. The cover was a man smiling with a bloody knife in his hand.

“Fine, if you throw in some popcorn, it’s a deal,”

I rounded the end of my aisle, wrapped my arm around her waist, and pulled her body against mine.

“Good girl.” I whispered, and she relaxed against me.

We headed back to my place and prepared for our romantic evening in. Emma popped the popcorn as I popped in the movie. I grabbed the comforter from my bed and brought it out for us to cuddle under.

The movie started out like most thrillers do. The killer was stalking an unsuspecting woman who was wearing next to nothing.

I pulled Emma closer to me as I ran my hand up her thigh, my lips ghosting over her neck.

“I’m actually enjoying this.” She pointed to the television, and I watched as the killer chased a woman up a set of stairs. She tripped, and he grabbed her. Emma’s body melted against mine as she tensed, waiting for the bloody fight. I laughed against her neck, loving how she felt safe with me. I knew it was sick and twisted, given my secrets, but I felt just as safe with her. I knew she had my heart, and at any moment, she could crush it if she chose to. She had just as much power as I did.

“William,” she laughed, and her hands flew over her eyes as the killer sliced the knife through the victim. “Arghh!” She squealed. My hand slid farther up her thigh as I laughed at her reaction. Emma being afraid was a huge turn on, and my cock grew painfully hard.

“Don’t you want to see him get caught?” She asked as she took a few pieces of popcorn and shoved them in her mouth.

“How do you know he won’t get away with it?” I reached into the bowl in her lap and grabbed some popcorn for myself.

“They never get away with it. Come on. They always leave some sort of clues behind. It’s like they want to get caught. She rolled her eyes as she watched the scene continue to unfold.

“You think that guy wants to get caught?” I pointed at the television. The killer was still in the victim’s house and waiting for her friends to arrive.

“Subconsciously, yes.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at the absurdity of her logic. If the killer felt that guilty, surely he could have just turned himself in before committing the act and saved the girl. Instead, he planned and carried out murder. There is a thrill in the ritual of the act, and it becomes a high to forever chase. You justify your actions. The power outweighs the consequences.

“Stupid does not mean he wants to get caught. It just means he’s not smart enough to do it right.” I knew without a doubt I didn’t want to have anyone discover the things I had done, most of all Emma. I didn’t need to free the demon inside of me; I just needed to learn to control him better.

“Whatever.” Emma threw a piece of popcorn at me, and it rolled down my chest.

“Bad girl.” I flipped my body on top of hers, sending popcorn flying as I pinned her under my weight.

“We’re going to miss the movie.”

I pressed my hips into hers so she could feel how hard I was.

“Fuck the movie.” I slipped my tongue inside her mouth as I slowly lowered her back on the couch. “I want to make you scream like you did a minute ago.” I pulled my mouth from hers so I could take her shirt off and toss it on the floor. I did the same with mine and watched as her eyes danced over my chest. I fell back on top of her. I palmed the weight of her breast, and my thumb and forefinger rolled over her nipple, giving her a small pinch.

“Fuck the movie,” she panted, and I smiled as I quickly unbuckled her pants. I sat up to pull them off her legs along with her panties. I stared down at her perfect naked body as I undid my belt and slid off my own jeans and boxers.

“Stand up.”

She slowly pushed to her feet and stood in front of me. My eyes raked over her naked body before I gripped her hips and spun her around.

“Put your knees on the couch and hold on to the back.”

I grabbed her hips and pulled her ass back toward me.

“Wider.” I nudged her legs apart and took in the view. I pushed the head of my cock against her pussy and she looked over her shoulder at me, her lip pulled between her teeth.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you.” I bent over her body so she wouldn’t be as nervous. I kissed her cheek as I slid my dick inside of her.

“God, you’re so fucking wet for me.” I groaned in her ear as I slowly began to fuck her. She bowed her back, pushing her ass against me, begging for more. Her fingers clenched the back of the couch as her breathing grew heavier.

I slid my palm over her spine until my fingers tangled in her hair. I fisted her locks as I jerked her head back toward me and slammed into her.

She turned her head toward mine, and our lips where just an inch apart.

“You like it when I’m rough with you?” I asked as she pulled against my grip to kiss me. I held firm, refusing to let her take control.

“Yes,” she moaned. I slipped my free hand around her hip and rubbed my fingertips against her wet clit. “Oh…” she cried, and her pussy began to grip my cock, begging for release. I pulled back from her clit and slowed my strokes until I felt her relax again. I wanted her to know that it was my decision when she came and mine alone. As soon as she stilled beneath me, I rubbed over her pussy as I slammed into her.

“Come for me, Emma.”

She moaned as we both released, and I collapsed on top of her. “I love you,” I whispered as I withdrew from her body. She winced at the sudden emptiness. I sat back in my seat as she still clung to the couch.

“Come on, you’re going to miss the part where he gets caught.” I laughed as I smacked her on the ass. She yelped and spun around quickly, sitting down on the couch next to me.

We finished the movie and fell asleep as I held her against me.

Chapter Twelve

We sat in my car in silence as we stared off at the cemetery. The pain and regret were written all over Emma’s beautiful face. I struggled to find the words to comfort her, but I was at a loss. I couldn’t sympathize with the situation. I didn’t want her aunt to die, but it was not as easy for me to forget what type of person she was. People love to talk about how good of a person someone was after that person dies, and usually it’s a lie. Judy was a bitch, who treated the woman I loved like she was nothing.

I wouldn’t be shedding a tear for her today and wouldn’t give her a second thought if not for Emma. I wondered if she would be this distraught if she knew how hard J tried to get me to sleep with her. Not that I would have ever given in. Desperation wasn’t an attractive quality to me.

Emma cleared her throat, pulling me from my thoughts. I placed my hand on her knee in an attempt to comfort her. She covered mine with her tiny hand.

“I’m sorry.” I was. I didn’t like that because of me she was hurting. Even if she weren’t aware of it, I would spend forever trying to make it up to her.

She nodded and blew out a long breath as tears began to spill down her cheeks. I squeezed her knee lightly and forced myself to get out of the car. I hated funerals. I hated the sadness, and I forced myself not to look bored and uninterested. I quickly rounded the front of my car and pulled open the passenger side door. She looked up at me with sad eyes before placing her hand in mine so I could pull her to her feet. As soon as her body connected with mine, she broke down, and I rubbed my hand over her back as she sobbed into my shoulder. It was a dreary day, and the wind whipped through Emma’s hair. I wasn’t sure the weather would hold out for long, and part of me wished the sky would break loose and I could take her back to the safety of my home, where the world could not hurt her anymore.

Emma pulled back from me and smoothed her skirt before giving me a quick nod that she was ready. For someone so emotional, she was just as brave. One of the qualities I loved about Emma. Fear and sadness did not prevent her from doing anything.

There was a small crowd of people gathered by the burial site, and my heart rate picked up as we neared them. I knew Emma had no more family, so that only left acquaintances. It was then I realized I was far from out of the woods when it came to Emma finding out about who I really am.

“Do you know any of them?” I asked in a hushed tone so no one would overhear us. She looked up at me and shook her head. I relaxed a bit. The people from the club were nothing if not discreet. They wouldn’t be likely to call me out in a crowd and risk exposing themselves for who they were. Still, I didn’t want to spend any more time in their presence than I had to.

Several women smiled weakly, tears in their eyes as we approached. Emma thanked them for showing support, and they offered their condolences for her loss. Their eyes would meet mine briefly, but none said a word. I knew their minds must have been spinning when they saw me with J’s niece. I hoped none would make the mistake of assuming she knew how they all knew each other.

Most of us carried on vanilla relationships outside of the club and only used its services as an escape.

The preacher began to speak, and I stood behind Emma, my hand on her lower back to let her know she wasn’t alone. I listened as he spoke about J as if he had known her. Of course, he had, but I hoped his words didn’t seem too intimate and cause Emma to question it.

She seemed to relax as the service continued. I could feel the muscles along her spine grow less stiff. I glanced around at all of the faces, stopping on A, whose lips curled up into a devilish grin as our eyes connected. I swallowed back the bile that rose in my throat.

I had never imagined a moment when I would have Emma and the dominatrix I fucked on occasion in such close proximity. I could feel the control begin to slip. This woman knew far more of my dark secrets than most. She wasn’t privy to the same information as Stephen, but when it came to the true nature of the beast I was inside, she had seen it first hand, fed it, and helped it grow. There was a special level of trust between the two of us, but it was not uncommon for those in our situation to develop feelings for each other. She knew I could never return the feelings. I was incapable until I met Emma, and I could see that glint of sadness in her eyes as she looked at us standing together as a couple.

The service ended, and Emma turned to me, looking up into my eyes. I smiled down at her, proud of how brave she had been through all of this. People began to surround Emma to offer her well wishes and let her know how deeply missed her aunt would be. My eyes found A again as she stood outside of the group. She cocked her head to the side, gesturing to an old elm tree at the edge of the property. I looked back to Emma who was chatting with a few of the other mourners. I took a step back and let my hand fall from her back. She continued talking to the group as I turned and followed A to the tree. I needed to know whatever she felt—hurt or attraction—she would not say anything to Emma.

As we reached the tree, A turned and leaned her back against it as she smiled up at me.

“Is she why you haven’t been around lately?”

“I’m serious about her.”

“No one would argue with how serious you are, Will. I still have some fading bruises to prove it.”

My face turned hard as I thought of my last encounter with A. The connection I had with her was strong. We understood each other’s darker side better than anyone else did.

“Does she know?” her face inched closer to mine as her fingers trailed over the buttons of my shirt.

“She doesn’t, and it is going to stay that way.”

“It seems like an odd match, Will. J always had a thing for you.” She glanced down at the grass around our feet, a hint of sadness on her face. “What did she think of you tainting her innocent niece?” Her eyes connected with mine again and I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.

I reached between us and grabbed her wrists, shoving them away from my chest. I was close enough to her that her warm breath blew over my face. Her demeanor changed from dominating to submissive like a flip of a switch.

“Mind your own business, A. This doesn’t involve you, and I would hate for you to find out what happens when I get truly angry. This isn’t the club.”

I heard a quiet gasp and looked to my left to see Emma staring over at us. She looked absolutely terrified by what she saw. It was only then I realized how my conversation with A must look to her. She made her way toward us, and I instinctively took a step back from A. I had no idea how I would talk my way out of what she had seen and even less confidence in A’s ability to keep her fucking mouth shut.

“Emma,” I called out to her as she neared us. Her hand swiped over her cheek to wipe away her tears as A crossed her arms over her chest and once again took on a dominate air about her. This was the first time I hated that side of her. If she were solely submissive, she wouldn’t dare open her mouth to defy me. This side of A was capable of anything, and it was more than obvious to the crowd that Emma was a natural submissive.

Emma’s eyes scanned A before they landed on me, and fresh tears clouded them.

“Emma, this is…”

“Allison.” A took a step forward and held out her hand to Emma with a fake smile plastered on her face. Emma ignored A’s gesture, and her eyes found mine again. “I should probably go.” A glanced back at me before she made her way back across the cemetery. I sighed with relief that she didn’t choose to go against me, but I still had to convince Emma that she was just a friend.

“Who is she?” Emma asked, her jaw clenched in anger.

“She is no one.” I kept my tone sharp, knowing Emma would naturally try to avoid confrontation. I glanced around to make sure no one was listening to our conversation. I didn’t want anyone else questioning what type of relationship I had with her.

“Fuck them,” she spat angrily. I felt the control begin to slip from my grasp. I took a step forward, taking a different tactic.

“Let me take you back to my place.” I reached out and rubbed over her arms. She took a step back from me and pressed her back against the tree. It felt like a slap to the face, and I had to struggle not to reach out and pull her into my arms. I had never expected such an act of defiance from Emma, and I wasn’t certain how to handle it in a public setting.

“Did you…” her words faded as she searched for the truth. I struggled not to let my anger overwhelm me. How much could I give up for her? Could I hand over the control? I snapped as I felt my heart ripping from my chest. I had tried to change who I was for her. I had tried to be what she needed, but it wouldn’t be enough.

“Don’t do this here.” It was a command, and I knew how cold it would sound, but if Emma was going to be mine, she needed to know that I was the one in charge. I wasn’t going to let her destroy us and embarrass me in public.

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want.”

My fingers twitched as I glanced to my right at the few remaining people off in the distance. I wanted to grab her and punish her. I wanted to force her to let this go, but I knew that wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t ask her to shut out her feelings any more than I could be forced to hand over my control. It was a stalemate, and I wouldn’t be the one to flinch first.

“She is nobody.” I searched her eyes as I hovered a few inches from her. Her breathing was heavy with anger, and her chest brushed against mine as she inhaled. I fought against my desire to lift her skirt and fuck her into submission, to claim her as mine in front of everyone so she would have no doubt.

“Was she your girlfriend?” her face inched closer to mine. I could lie to her. I could fill her full of bullshit like I was always so good at doing, but she was pushing my buttons. And as much as I knew the honesty would hurt her, I was tired of the lies. I just hated how much the truth would hurt her.

“It wasn’t like that. I met her at a club she…works at.”

“Did you fuck her?”

I took a step back and ran my hand over my jaw. This wasn’t the place for this. Emma stepped forward, pushing against my chest so she could run. She had run from me so many times before, but now she had nowhere to go. I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back against the tree.

“Let me explain.” I placed my hands on either side of her face against the tree, so she couldn’t leave.

“It’s a yes or no question.” She pushed against my chest again, but I didn’t move. Her eyes danced across the cemetery. We were completely alone now.

“Please, fucking listen to me.” I hated begging for anything, but I needed her to hear me out so she wouldn’t run off with nightmares plaguing her thoughts about what she thought had happened.

“Why was she here?” she asked as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Why was she here?” she asked again angrily.

I grabbed her wrists and held them down at her sides as I pushed my body against hers. I needed to hold her, to know she was mine. I was losing her. I couldn’t fucking lose her. She belonged to me. She had told me she was mine.

“Get off me!” she struggled to free herself from my grip, but it was halfhearted. She knew she couldn’t overpower me. Her body sagged against the tree as I held on to her like she was my gravity. She kept me grounded, and without her, I didn’t know what kind of monster I would become.

“No one before you matters.” I ran my nose along the length of her neck, inhaling the scent of flowers.

“Don’t.” The sadness in her voice was like stabbing a knife in my chest. I had caused this pain in her.

“Please,” I whispered desperately as my lips moved along her throat, leaving light kisses. My breathing grew ragged as I struggled to hold on to my sanity. “Emma, don’t leave me.” I begged, and I knew she had all of the power. It was never me. I knew I would have nothing if I lost her. My world would implode, but Emma would move on, and eventually she would find someone she deserved. The thought made me sick to my stomach. I knew it would be best to let her go, but I couldn’t. I pulled back to look at her face. She squeezed her eyes closed as she struggled to stop her tears.

“Tell me you love me.”

Her head turned away from me. I placed a hand on either side of her face, forcing her to look me in the eye.

“I don’t want to,” she whispered. I pressed my mouth against hers, needing to feel her love for me. She might not have said the words, but I knew her feelings were real. They had to be real. Her lips began to move with mine giving me a tiny glimmer of hope. Her lips parted, and I deepened our kiss, groaning as her tongue pressed back against mine. I needed to show her how much I cared for her the only way I knew how. It wasn’t with my actions, and I knew I didn’t say the things she wanted to hear, but I could make her feel it. My hand slid down her side as I pushed my hips against hers.

She pulled her lips from mine as she struggled to right her breathing.

“I can’t. I can’t do this.” She shook her head as fresh tears pricked her eyes. I slid the pad of my thumb over the apple of her cheek.

“Emma, you are the only person who means anything to me.”

Chapter Thirteen

Emma stared down at her hands, refusing to look me in the eye as big heavy drops fell through the branches of the tree. I knew in that moment I had lost her. She would never understand the things I had done. She would never forgive me for the lies and pain I had caused. I had taken a life full of promise and destroyed it, smothered it with my fucked-up sense of affection. Even though she stood in front of me, she was long gone. She was never mine to own. She wasn’t an object I could claim and keep on a shelf for when I wanted to play. I just wished I had figured that out before it was too late.

“Come home with me, please. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Please.” I needed her to understand that everything I had done was out of love for her. I knew once I spilled my secrets there would be no turning back. I wouldn’t get a second chance. I didn’t deserve one, but Emma did. She deserved to move on and find someone who wasn’t fucked up. I could give her that one last thing by letting her know who I really was.

Thunder rumbled in the distance as the rain picked up. She nodded, wrapped my arm around her waist, and I guided her toward my black BMW. We were completely soaked when we finally reached the car. Still, I opened her door and waited until she was inside and secure before I got in.

I drove for miles, listening to the sound of the rain on the car roof as I thought of where I was going to start with my confessions.

“Who is she?” Her voice shook under the weight of her words.

“She…shares a similar…lifestyle as me.” I looked over at Emma’s face scrunched in confusion.

“What does that mean? Is she a teacher?”

I laughed sardonically at her innocence and how fucked up of a person I really was. “No.” I shook my head as I stole another glance at her.

“She’s…like me.”

“No. No one is like you.” I reached over to take her and offer her some sort of comfort, but she pulled away, recoiling from my touch. She pressed herself against her door as I repeated her words. “She’s like me.” Her eyes burned into me as she let the information sink in.

“But why would you…?” Her voice trailed off as she struggled to understand why I needed to do the things I did. For her it was fun and kinky, but for me it was a necessity. It was the only way I could get close to someone else. I could never let my guard down. I gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white. I needed to get us back to my place. I couldn’t do this without looking her in the eye. I pushed down on the gas pedal as I made my way down the highway.

“Slow down.”

“She helped me work through things, Emma.” If I could just make her understand—it was the only way I could be close to anyone.

“Work through things? What does that even mean?”

“Sexually. She is a…dom—” I reached out for her again, but she refused my touch.

“Slow down.” She called out again.

“Why was she there?”

That was the real question, and I knew I was going to throw her entire world out of orbit with the information I had to share.

“She wasn’t there for me. She came to pay her respects to your aunt.” I glanced over at her before focusing on the road. The rain was coming down so hard that the wipers couldn’t keep up.

“Your aunt…” I couldn’t find the right words to make this any easier for her. “Your aunt was also like me.” It was more than confessing an alternative lifestyle. I was also confessing that I had known Judy. I was a liar. But she needed to understand that I had never laid a finger on J.

“No.” Emma shook her head as she processed the information. “No.”

“Emma, please.” I grabbed her wrist, needing to feel her heartbeat under my fingertips. “I never touched her. Never! I promise you. I barely knew her.” She struggled to free herself from my grip. “I haven’t been with anyone else since I began seeing you.”

I knew I should let her go. She didn’t want me to touch her, and I didn’t deserve any comfort from her.

“You knew her this whole time? You have been lying to me this whole time?” she yelled.

“Emma, please. I didn’t know when I met you. I will tell you anything you want to know.” I was desperate, clinging to the hope that the truth would somehow set me free. Hoping that, when it was all said and done, I could start new. But I still couldn’t force myself to let go of her. I gripped her wrist tightly in my hand as I clung to my sanity. I searched her eyes for compassion, for a glimmer of hope that she wouldn’t think I was evil.

“I hate you.”

Her words were like a hot knife in my flesh. I had fucked up beyond repair, but I had done it for her. Everything was for her.

“Emma, please…” my voice shook.

“William!” she screamed in terror, and in that moment, the world slowed. I released her, finally able to break from her pull, but it was too late. There was no pain, just the deafening sound of metal crunching and twisting around us. In an instant, she was ripped from my heart, and my world went dark.

Chapter Fourteen

My head was throbbing as I awoke. I felt like I had been on a three-day bender. The light stung my eyes, and I had to squint to keep from making my head hurt worse. Small, delicate fingers squeezed my hand. I looked up at the beautiful brunette that stood over me. She looked like she had been through hell and back, and I imagined if she had been wherever I was, that was an accurate description.

A man cleared his throat, and I turned my head, wincing in pain at the sudden movement. “Where am I?” I asked him as he stood with clipboard in hand.

“Kippling Hospital,” the female spoke as she shoved her hands in her pockets and sucked her lower lip in between her teeth. She had a beautiful mouth, but she looked so fucking sad. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, but the doctor interrupted my thoughts as my eyes stayed locked on her mouth.

“Welcome back to the world.” His voice was loud and only caused the throbbing in my head to intensify. “Can you tell me your name?”

“William…Honor.” I groaned as I rubbed a hand over my head. Was I in rehab? Was this girl a junkie? Jesus Christ, what have I done now?

“Great. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?” The doctor broke through my thoughts, but I kept my eyes on the sad woman.

“Uh…yeah, sure…” I looked to the doctor and back to the woman. “I remember…” I glanced back to the doctor as I struggled to think. “Shit.” I pinched the bridge of my nose as I struggled to breathe through the stabbing pain in my head.

“It’s okay.” The doctor patted me on the shoulder. “You’ve been through a serious trauma. It may take a little while to come back to you. In the meantime, we will do our best to keep you comfortable.”

I squeezed my eyes closed. A serious trauma? “What happened?”

“You were in a car accident. You’re very lucky to be alive. You and Emma both.” I opened my eyes and looked at the young woman in front of me, scanning her for injuries. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had hurt her. Her eyes searched mine. “I’ll give you two a minute.” The doctor left the room, and we fell in an uncomfortable silence. The woman, Emma, looked nervous as she pulled her hands from her pockets and began to wring them together.

“William,” she said quietly.

“Call me Will.” I struggled to sit up and pushed the button on the side of the bed to meet my back.

“Will…uh…do you remember me?” she asked as she raised her gaze to meet mine. I searched her face for any sign of familiarity, but there was none. It was like a black void in my brain. Her eyes filled with tears, and I knew we must know each other very well. My eyes danced over her petite frame, and I wondered if I had had her. She nodded in understanding as a lone tear spilled over and rolled down her cheek. She stood frozen as her eyes pleaded with me to remember. My chest ached as I watched her.

“Hey, don’t cry. Come here.” She slowly sat down beside me and broke down, sobbing. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against my chest, her breasts pushed against me. “Shhh.” The smell of flowers filled my nose, and I knew she was someone important to me, but my mind was a fog. Her fingers twisted in my gown, and she cried as I rubbed my hand up and down her back to soothe her. It was odd being the one in the hospital bed and comforting someone else. She seemed so weak, so fragile, and I wanted to protect her from whatever it was that was causing her so much pain.

“You said you would never forget me.” She pulled back slowly and placed her hand on my chest. I felt my heart rate speed up, and the machine next to my bed beeped at the increase. I pushed her tangled hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. She was so broken…so delicate.

The doctor returned with a nurse, and I forced myself to take my eyes off Emma. “Well, looks like you two have been getting reacquainted.” She looked down at her lap as she slid off the bed and leaned up against the wall. The nurse stepped between us and handed me a small cup of pills. I dumped them in my mouth as I watched the frightened woman against the wall. She was hurting, and I had the overwhelming urge to protect her, but I didn’t know where to begin if I couldn’t even remember how we had known each other.

The doctor began to speak, and I tried to focus on his instructions as the medicine slowly began to kick in, and the throbbing became a dull ache in the back of my mind.

“I don’t expect the memory loss to be long term. It is not uncommon for a head trauma such as the one you received. You’ll need to call me if the headaches worsen or if you have any problems with your vision.” He turned to look at Emma who was lost in her own thoughts and staring out at nothing. “I’m sure Ms. Townsend will be helping you to make the transition as smooth as possible. She will need to take it easy as well.”

The room fell silent as all eyes were on Emma. She looked up and shook her head in a daze. “I’m sorry?”

“You will be helping him with his transition at home, correct?”

She wiped a stray tear that clung to her bottom lashes and nodded her head in agreement. I couldn’t understand why, if we were so close, she seemed to hesitate at the idea of taking care of me. Not that I expected anyone to. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone else.

“Good. All looks well, and we should be able to have you out of here in no time.”

“Thank you.”

The doctor smiled down at me before he and the nurse left the room, leaving me alone with Emma. I watched her as she looked around nervously before making her way over to a chair on the other side of my bed. She grabbed her purse, dug around in it, and pulled out a set of keys. She avoided looking at me, and her dark hair hung down, partially blocking my view of her face, but I could tell she was sad. And it seemed more about being around me than the accident we had together.

I wasn’t stupid, and I knew I had done something pretty terrible to make her react that way to someone who had just come out of a coma. She was struggling to not break down, and now I was supposed to have her come home with me and take care of me. I thought about calling my parents to see if they would mind taking a few days off and fly out to see me, but spending any time with my father was fucking torture, and I wanted to be alone with Emma.

It was odd they weren’t here already, and that made me doubt how close I could possibly be to this woman.

A nurse came in the room with two trays of food, and I suddenly realized how hungry I was. I grabbed my fork and began to dive into the Salisbury steak. It wasn’t the best food in the world, but cardboard would have been satisfying at that point. I watched Emma push her food around the plate, not taking a bite. I knew it wasn’t gourmet, but it was better than nothing, and she looked like she was too thin as it was.

“You should eat something.” I smiled as her head tilted up, and her beautiful eyes locked on to mine. She cut off a small bite and stuck it in her mouth but didn’t say a word.

Whatever I had done to her, it was probably for the best that I didn’t know what it was. We sat in silence for the next few hours. The television mounted in the corner of the room provided a little background noise to keep it from being completely awkward. I couldn’t keep my mind off the stranger who kept me company. I wanted to ask her how we had met or what the nature of our relationship was, but I knew it would probably upset her further. It was strange looking at someone for what felt like the first time, but knowing that there was a deeper connection there.

As it grew later, I watched her curl up in a chair next to my bed, fresh tears in her eyes. I knew I needed to send her home. I couldn’t make her suffer any longer at my side.

“Emma…” I struggled to find the words to thank her and ask her to leave without sounding like an asshole.

“Good night,” she called out without looking up at me. She tucked her legs into her chest and closed her eyes.

It didn’t take me long to drift off to sleep. I dreamed I was standing along the side of a highway with sheets of rain pouring down on me. Lightning flashed, and thunder rumbled deep and low. Through the noise, I could hear tires screeching across asphalt and the sound of a horrifying car accident.

I ran out into the rain, searching for the vehicle, unable to see through all the rain. My body collided with the mangled remains of a small black car, and as I wiped my hand over the window, I saw my own lifeless body hunched over the wheel with smatters of blood across my face.

I jerked awake, my eyes landing on the chair where Emma slept curled in a ball. Her eyes fluttered open as if she felt me looking at her. I smiled, and she sucked her lower lip between her teeth as she pushed herself up and stretched her arms.

I wanted to ask her about the dream, about the accident, but I knew she was dreading being with me, and I didn’t want to upset her more.

After a few hours of being examined and given enough instructions to fill a book, I was told I could finally go home.

Emma looked relieved, and she gathered our things as quickly as possible so we could get out of there.

The ride home didn’t help to jog my memory. It was incredibly frustrating to know that my own mind was working against me. I wondered if what had happened was so traumatic that I was protecting myself. If that was the case, why couldn’t I force my mind to open up?

“Not much farther,” Emma said as she looked over at me. I glanced out the windshield, wishing something made sense, but it was all a blank. At least I wasn’t alone.

Chapter Fifteen

We pulled into the first floor of an old warehouse. I’d always wanted to convert an old building into a home. I glanced at the staircase ahead of us.

“This is ours?” I asked as I glanced over to her. She smiled as she tucked her hair behind her ear and dropped her gaze to her feet.

“This is yours. I live…somewhere else.”

I felt like an asshole for assuming that we had lived together. Perhaps we were just really good friends. But even with no memory, I knew that my chest wouldn’t tighten every time I looked into her eyes if she weren’t someone important to me. I knew she wouldn’t be having such a hard time being around me if that were the case. Unless…did she blame me for the accident? Had I done something reckless or driven with her while I had been drinking? No. I would be in jail if that were the case.

I walked up the staircase with Emma behind me. As I reached a door at the first landing, I paused. “This it?” She nodded, and my eyes travelled up the next set of stairs. “What’s up there?”

Her cheeks tinged pink, and her gaze dropped for a fraction of a second. “It’s under construction.”

She was lying. I kept my eyes locked on her as I ran my hand through my hair and took a step to the side so she could unlock the door. She did, letting her hair fall over her face to block my stare. I took note that she had used a key from her own key ring to unlock the door. We are definitely more than friends.

She pushed open the door and stepped to the side so I could enter. I took in the large space that seemed vaguely familiar. Emma walked inside and tossed her purse on the island in the kitchen before pulling open the fridge. “What do you think?” She asked as I watched how comfortable she was in my space. “Do you want something?” She stood with a soda in her hand. I had the fading glimpse of a memory, but my head throbbed as I tried to focus.

“A soda would be fine.” I smiled over at her, and she returned the gesture as she grabbed another can from the fridge. She set it on the island behind her, and I walked over to grab it as I noticed the faint smell of flowers that lingered in my apartment. It smelled like her, and I couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you.” Her cheeks tinged pink again, and I ran my hand through my hair, wishing I could see all the pieces to the puzzle.

“You’re welcome.” She turned back to the fridge as she gazed in at the contents.

“You seem to know your way around here.” I cocked my head to the side as I tried to picture us together, but everything was fuzzy, and she was not offering up any information. I didn’t want to press her and upset her like she had been at the hospital.

“I’ve spent a lot of time here.” Her face gave nothing away as she grabbed a few items from the fridge and set them on the counter between us. She grabbed a few plates and a knife and began preparing us sandwiches. I watched her as she began to slice the tomato, her fingers wrapped around the handle of the knife. Something about it was oddly sexual.

“You’re doing that all wrong.” I made my way around the counter as her hands stilled. I positioned myself behind her, pressing my chest against her back as my fingers slid over hers. She shook as a chill ran through her body, and I was glad I was behind her so she couldn’t see the smirk on my face. I knew the tension between us was more than her being upset. I guided her hand as I sliced up the tomato. “There,” I whispered next to her ear, and I heard her breath catch.

“I see you didn’t forget everything,” she laughed nervously, but there was an edge to her words. She wasn’t good at hiding her emotions, and the pain was radiating off her in waves.

I backed away from her. “I guess some things just stay with you.” I took my seat on the stool across from her as I watched her finish making our sandwiches. There was something inside me that was pulling me to her. She obviously felt the same way or she wouldn’t be here, causing herself so much pain just to help me. I wondered if it were possible for me to start over and right my wrongs. I wasn’t sure I wanted the memories back if they were so bad.

Emma snorted, and her eyes quickly locked onto mine, filled with embarrassment. “Sorry…I just thought of something…funny.” She slid the plate of food in front of me. I grabbed my sandwich and began eating. Anything was better than that hospital food. Emma picked at the top of her roll, as she was lost inside her head. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

“Not hungry?” I asked as I took another bite. “You should really eat something.” I couldn’t expect this woman to take care of me and not herself. She picked up her sandwich and took a bite. I smiled over at her as I grabbed my plate and took it to the sink. I could hear the faint vibrating of a cell phone. I listened to Emma fish around in her bag before the sound stopped. Who was calling her that she didn’t want to talk to? Was she seeing someone else? Was that why she looked pained to be near me?

“Finished?” I turned around and pointed to her plate. She nodded and swallowed hard. I grabbed it and held it over the sink as I scrubbed it. “What are you thinking about?” I glanced over my shoulder at her as she sat sadly at the island.

“Just been a long week.” She sighed, and her shoulders sank. I put the plate in the sink and made my way over to her. She tensed as I put my hands on her shoulders and began to massage them. Her body soon relaxed, and she let me work out the small knots in her muscles.

“I’m sorry I put you through all of this. I don’t know what I did to deserve your kindness.” I laughed at the absurdity of my statement. “I really don’t.”

Emma laughed quietly and relaxed further.

“Come on. Why don’t you show me around?”

She stood and turned toward me as her eyes scanned the space. “Well, this is the kitchen,” she held out her hand toward the couch. “And the living room.” She walked around me and across the room, and I followed. “This is self-explanatory.” She pointed into the bathroom. She ducked by me, careful not to touch me as she made her way to another door. She pushed it open and took a step back. “This is your bedroom.” She looked down at the floor as I brushed by her to enter the room. It was stark white and looked completely out of place from the rest of the apartment that had rich, dark tones.

There was evidence all around the room that a woman spent a lot of time in here with me. I grabbed a tiny scrap of yellow fabric from the floor and couldn’t help but smile when I realized it was a pair of torn panties. Emma grabbed them from my hand as her face turned deep red, and she hid them behind her back.

“I guess you know this room pretty well.” I couldn’t help but laugh at how embarrassed she was.

“Who said they were mine?” Her eyebrow shot up.

I laughed hard as I took a step closer to her. “I sure hope they aren’t mine.” She laughed nervously, and I had to wonder why she would try to hide the fact that we had been together. My eyes danced over the unmade bed, and I ran my hand through my hair as I tried to imagine us there, our bodies tangled together as I thrust into her.

“I’m actually pretty tired.” I grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head, groaning as I stretched my sore muscles.

“I’ll let you get some rest.” She turned to leave, and I reached out, grabbing her wrist. I could feel her pulse racing under my fingers.

“Stay.”

Her body slowly turned toward me, and I let go of her arm as I saw the torn look in her eye. “I just want to sleep.”

She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, and I narrowed my eyes at her. I couldn’t promise her only sleep if she kept doing that. As if reading my thoughts, she let go of her lip and I wanted to smile, but I held it back as I undid my belt and slid my jeans off.

She kicked off her shoes and began to undo her pants. I slid into bed and let her have a moment to herself, which also hid the fact that my cock was rock hard just at the thought of lying next to her. I felt the mattress dip as she slid into bed behind me. I rolled over and slid my body against her back, wrapping my arms around her to hold her close. I felt her stiffen as my hands slid over her skin, but I needed to be against her. She was all I had in the world at this moment, even if I couldn’t remember.

I put my face against her neck and inhaled the sweet flowery smell of her hair as I let my eyes close and drifted off into sleep.

I awoke throughout the night as visions of the car crash flashed through my memory. Emma was finally clear in the picture just moments before the crash. All I could see was her face covered in tears as she screamed my name, and I jolted awake.

I lay holding her against me for an hour before I was able to fall back asleep.

Chapter Sixteen

Emma squirmed against me, and my arms tightened around her body, afraid she would run away if I loosened my grip. She struggled against my hold, and I couldn’t help my body’s natural reaction to having her against me. I grew hard against her ass as I let out a low groan in her ear. Her breathing grew ragged but she continued to squirm against my hold. I’d be lying if it didn’t make me want her more.

“William,” she rasped as I rubbed my straining cock against her ass. “Stop it,” She reached over her body and pushed against my shoulder. I flipped her onto her back and positioned myself over her, pinning her arms above her head. It was only then that I saw the look of anger on her face and knew she was not playing hard to get.

“I’m sorry.” I released her hands and ran my fingers through my hair as I collapsed beside her on the bed.

“It’s fine,” she said angrily as she pushed herself out of bed and grabbed her jeans. I sat up to watch her as she slid them on.

“We don’t have a very…happy relationship, I take it?”

She looked at me with sadness in her eyes as she ran her fingers through her knotted hair. Without saying a word, she walked out of the room, and I was afraid she would be walking out of my life.

I got out of bed and quickly pulled on my jeans to follow her. She was in the kitchen preparing a cup of coffee on the counter. I walked up behind her and placed my hands on her shoulders, causing her to jump. I took a step back from her.

“I’m sorry.” I turned to the cupboard and grabbed two coffee mugs for us. She watched me maneuver around the kitchen remembering things. She didn’t speak as she filled our mugs for us to drink. I took a small sip of the steaming liquid, and she did the same.

“Whatever I did to you…I’m sorry.”

She rolled her eyes, and that stirred something inside of me.

“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for.”

“I hope I never remember. I don’t want to be that person.” I couldn’t imagine being the guy who had stained her cheeks with tears and caused her to jump when he touched her. She was beautiful, and I had broken her.

She sighed loudly as her shoulders sagged.

“You weren’t the person I thought you were.” Even though she seemed to hate the person I had been, she also seemed to be mourning his loss. She missed the person I was when I was causing her pain, and it made me sick to my stomach.

“So, I need to go home today.” Her tone was cheerier, but the smile on her lips did not reach her eyes. She was putting up a wall, and I didn’t think it was for protection. After all I had done to her, she was feeling guilty. “You won’t have a car. You can call me if you need anything.”

The anger, the guilt of things unknown all boiled inside of me. I couldn’t make any of this right if she weren’t willing to stay with me. I hated that the one person I had in my life, I couldn’t remember and had made her hate me. I couldn’t beg her to stay. What kind of twisted fuck would I be then? My head throbbed as my emotions began to spiral out of control within me. I slammed down my coffee mug and made my way back to my bedroom, slamming the door hard behind me. I couldn’t watch her walk away. It would have been better if I had woken up alone at the hospital. Better if I hadn’t seen the face of the ghost that had been haunting my heart.

A few minutes later, I heard the front door close, and I knew she had left me. I was completely alone, and it hurt more to not know what I was missing. She carried around the pain of what I had done, and my slate had been wiped clean. I wondered how much of that was because of the accident or if it was self-preservation. I pictured her tear-soaked face from my nightmare.

When I finally found the strength to leave the bedroom, the emptiness of the apartment took the air from my lungs. I felt like I was slowly being suffocated.

I found a bottle of whiskey from under the island and I prepared to drink myself into oblivion. My eyes fell on a small cell phone on the counter top as I drank back the harsh liquid. She had my phone all this time? I poured another drink as I stared at it, wanting to call her and beg her to come back. I drank it down and slammed the glass on the counter as I spun it in my fingers.

I picked up the phone, telling myself that I would just call to apologize. As the screen lit up under my finger, I noticed I had a voicemail.

I hit the mailbox button and listened as a woman’s voice filled my ear, and it wasn’t Emma.

“Will, it’s A…Allison. I know I shouldn’t have talked to you in front of her. What we had meant something different to me than it did to you. I know that.” Her voice drifted off for a moment. “But I’d like to have another chance. Whatever your relationship is with that girl is never going to satisfy you. We both know you need more than that. Call me back.” The message ended, and I pushed the button to listen to deleted messages. Again, the same voice rang through with a message of apologies. The message was from when I had been in a coma, and someone had listened to it.

My chest tightened as the picture began to make itself a little clearer. Had I cheated on Emma? I wanted to pretend I didn’t know what it was this woman could do for me that Emma couldn’t, but inside I knew I wasn’t the good guy. I could feel it whenever my body had been against Emma’s. Had I forced her to do things that she didn’t want? My cock twitched at the thought of being pressed against her ass when she struggled against me.

I knew I would need to call Allison if I ever wanted all the pieces, but it felt like that would be a slap in Emma’s face, even if she had already walked out of my life. I poured another double shot of Jack and drank it down, trying to cover the pain that was taking over me.

The regret was overwhelming, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. The sudden flood of emotion was sickening. I sat down on a stool and ran my hand roughly through my hair. I saw Emma’s face in the car, so sad and broken. It was because of this. I had ripped her heart out and nearly killed her that night, and while I lay in a hospital bed with her at my side, she had to listen to the voice of another woman begging me to cheat on her. Her ability to care for me and sleep next to me the previous night said a lot about what kind of person she was. A person I had taken advantage of, used, and hurt.

I closed my eyes and pushed the thought from my head. I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to know what I had done to her, but I knew I had to find out. It wasn’t fair that she was suffering from my actions and that I could choose to be in blissful ignorance.

Regardless of the memory loss, my heart knew. My pulse quickened whenever she was close to me; the smell of her flowery scent felt like home. She was an echo in my life that even amnesia couldn’t erase.

I slammed my hand down against the countertop as I looked around my empty apartment. If she was going to suffer, I needed to suffer as well. I poured another drink before searching my place for clues to our past.

The first thing I ran across was an oversized, yellow envelope full of pictures of two women talking. There was something familiar about the house in the background, but I couldn’t place it. I shoved them back inside the envelope and tucked them away in a drawer in the kitchen.

“Fuck,” I yelled out as I scanned the open space. I was doing this to myself. I was shutting it all out, but why?

I grabbed my laptop and typed in my password from memory. There was Emma’s beautiful face on a social network site. I clicked her profile and began to look down through her posts. The first thing I noticed was someone offering condolences for her loss.

I quickly pulled up a new page and searched her name. The results populated within seconds. I clicked the top link and saw the face of one of the women in my pictures. Her name was Judy and “was survived by her niece, Emma Townsend.” The date of the funeral was only a few days ago. I went back to the search results and clicked the next link. It was a small news story about a car accident off Riddler Road, and the victims were Emma and me. It was the same date as the funeral. Was it possible the tears were for the loss of her only relative and not me that night? I knew that wasn’t the truth. It was painful for her to be near me, and the voicemails proved why.

It hit me that Emma was home alone now, dealing with the painful loss of her aunt as well as having lost her boyfriend. I was a disgusting human being. Still, even with the words in black and white, it all seemed like I was reading a fiction novel. I didn’t feel like that man. I was overwhelmed with guilt and regret and only wanted to comfort her and make things right. I glanced over at my phone on the island and tried to convince myself to call her. I knew that was selfish. She needed space, and if I cared about her at all, I should distance myself from her.

I slammed my computer shut and went back to the kitchen. Even with the memories gone, the emotions coursed through my veins. I poured another shot and drank it down as my eyes landed on a set of doors in the back corner of the room. It was an old service elevator. Emma had said the third floor had been under construction, and I knew she was lying.

I quickly made my way to the doors and rode up to the next floor before I could second-guess my actions. The door opened, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dark, cavernous space. I felt the wall just outside of the elevator, and my fingers ran over a series of switches. I flipped one, and the back of the room lit up, illuminating large, black contraptions for every sick sexual fantasy a person could imagine.

This was what Allison could do for me that Emma could not. But Emma knew of this floor, and she had to have known what was on it or she wouldn’t have been lying. I took a few unsteady steps farther into the space, running my hand over a leather bench with restraints on each side.

What kind of monster was I? My body’s reaction to being in the space only magnified that sickening thought. I felt excited. I wanted more than anything to have a memory of Emma’s body naked, legs spread and waiting for me.

I stepped back into the elevator and made my way to the main living area. I didn’t want to remember anything. I didn’t want to find out what kind of man I had been. How could I feel so much love for this woman and at the same time have no regard for her feelings?

I collapsed on my bed with my phone in hand, my thoughts racing as the alcohol slowly took over, and I drifted off into sleep.

I awoke a few hours later from a dreamless sleep to my phone vibrating in my hand. I flipped it over, anxious to hear Emma’s sweet voice, but the caller ID read Angela.

I answered it with a quick hello, my voice rough from sleep.

“Thank God. I heard about the accident. Are you okay?”

I sat up, groaning as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I couldn’t place her voice. “I’ve been better. I guess.” I pushed to my feet. I was still wearing my jeans and nothing else.

“I wanted to come see you at the hospital, but…” her voice trailed off, and I yawned as I made my way to the kitchen to make coffee.

“It’s fine. I was in a medically induced coma for most of my stay.” I prepared the pot and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. It didn’t hurt my feelings that someone I couldn’t remember hadn’t come to see me. Judging from what I had learned about myself yesterday, it was probably best everyone kept his or her distance.

“Jesus, William.” I could hear the pain in her voice. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“It’s fine. Emma was with me.” It hurt to say her name. Angela didn’t respond for a moment.

“Is she with you now?” She asked as I poured coffee into my mug and took a sip.

“No.” I didn’t want to elaborate. It hurt just thinking about her, and I had no idea what my connection was with this woman. She seemed genuinely concerned for me, but I had no idea why.

“Of course she isn’t there for you when you need her. I would have been.”

“You weren’t,” I spat out angrily. I didn’t like her tone as she talked about Emma.

“I’d like to come see you. I need to talk to you.”

“I don’t know if that is a good idea.”

“It’s important.”

I glanced at the clock on the stove, wondering if Emma would be awake yet. I needed to hear her voice and convince her to see me. I wanted to make this right, if that were even possible.

“Can I call you back later? I have something I need to do this morning.”

“Yes, anytime. Just call me.”

“I will.” I hung up the phone as I took another drink from my cup. My head was throbbing from my injuries and from a slight hangover.

I scrolled though my contacts until I found Emma’s name and clicked call. After two rings, the call connected, and I could hear her breathing on the other end.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she repeated, and she sounded so much younger and fragile on the phone. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I guess. Just lonely around here. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come by. We could go out for dinner or…” I couldn’t find the words. I just needed to look into her big, beautiful green eyes.

“I have a lot of things to do today.”

“Alright, I understand.” I didn’t want to push her. I had no right to ask anything from her. “I’m supposed to meet up with some woman later, anyway. Angela, I think her name was.”

“You can’t!” her voice sounded pained. “She’s your ex-girlfriend. You just…can’t.”

That was the glimmer of hope I had been desperate to find. Emma still cared. “My ex?” That explained why she didn’t come see me in the hospital.

“Someone you used to sleep with. You told her it was over, and she wouldn’t accept it.”

I thought that over. Emma knew about Angela. If I were cheating on her, why would I break it off with her and let Emma know what was going on. Maybe I wasn’t as bad as it all seemed.

“That explains why she was such a bitch.” I laughed quietly. I seemed to have that effect on women.

She laughed sadly but didn’t respond.

“I won’t see her, Emma.” She didn’t say anything. “I won’t keep you.” Ending my conversation with her was physically painful.

“Bye, William.” She hung up before I could respond.

I squeezed my eyes closed and leaned my forehead against the cupboard in front of me. I didn’t want to know who I had been. I wanted to keep it all locked away as a bad dream. The feelings would fade, and soon I would only be left with the little bit of information I had looked up. If I had been cold and heartless before, why would I change that now? I knew why, and it killed me inside. Emma had gotten in my head.

Chapter Seventeen

The hours began to run together as I let myself slip deeper into depression. It killed me knowing I was missing so much and unable to remember any of it. The isolation of my apartment, Emma avoiding me, and the loss of any memory of her was like my own person prison cell. I was locked away from my own mind, and my heart screamed for me to make it right. I was in physical pain from her absence.

She had made it clear that she needed her space. I could deal with a little time. I had all the time in the world, but I couldn’t handle forever without her in it.

As the days bled together, I was becoming more like a caged animal. Little slivers of the real me began to show through, and I began to hate myself just as much as she did.

I drank to numb the pain. I drank to make time slip away. None of it dulled the ache in my chest. How was it possible to be so physically attached to someone who was a virtual stranger? I was more and more convinced that the loss of memory was more my own doing than that of the accident.

I spoke to the doctor, and all he could offer was for me to talk to someone. Opening up might trigger something from my past. If I could identify what it was I was running from, I might be able to bring myself to face it. I was running from myself, and spilling my secrets to a stranger would not make it better.

The one person willing to talk to me, and who seemed privy to those secrets, was Allison. I turned my phone over and over in my hand as I thought of calling her. I typed out a quick text and hit send before I could talk myself out of doing the right thing. I was willing to lose it all forever, if I could have Emma.

Can I see you?

I stared at the screen as I waited for a response.

No.

Emma had once again made it clear that she had moved on with her life. Leaving me stuck in my own personal hell to lose my mind.

I tossed the phone on the floor in front of me as I stared out over the twisted sexual devices that filled the third floor. I sank to my knees, my hands gripping in my hair.

Pain. Pain is what drove me, and now I was getting it back tenfold. I was being made to suffer for my sins, and I was my own warden. I stared off at my phone on the floor.

I grabbed it without over thinking my decision and called Allison.

“I didn’t think you would ever call,” She purred.

“I was…indisposed.” I said as my eyes danced over the devices in front of me. “You wanted to talk?” I didn’t want to discuss my accident. I only wanted a few answers.

“I’m sorry.” Her tone changed from confident to weak and regretful.

“If forgiveness is all you want, you have it.” I said through clenched teeth as I tried to remember.

“Nothing is ever that easy with you, William.”

“Things have changed.”

“You’re going to feed me the I have changed line? People like us don’t change. It’s who we are. It’s how we survive.”

“I want you to forget who I am. I have.” I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to force the throbbing in my head to subside.

“You want me to forget what it feels like to have your hand around my throat while you’re inside of me?” Her breathing grew heavier, and I hated the way my cock twitched from her words.

“Don’t.”

“You are who you are, William. That will never change. You may try to hide it, but it will always be there, under the surface, begging to come out.”

“Allison, if you come near me again, or Emma, I will cause you pain that you will not enjoy.” I was shocked by the anger in my own voice and by how much I meant those words. I hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

It was time to escape my past and move forward. I grabbed my phone and slid my finger across the screen. That is when I saw it. My key to freedom. A tiny green circle pulsed on the screen. I clicked it, and it pulled up a list of updated locations and a small map.

I looked up the number to a local cab company and had them take me to the last location.

Chapter Eighteen

I knew where I was going. All roads led to Emma. I tried to force the thought from my mind that I had kept tabs on her location.

As we pulled up in front of the small house, I immediately recognized it from the pictures in the envelope. I paid the cab driver and slowly made my way to the front door. The house was dark, and I could see Emma curled into a ball on the couch. I turned the knob, and the door popped free from the latch.

I wanted to be upset that she hadn’t locked it to protect herself, but I knew the only one she needed to keep out was me, and it was more than obvious that wasn’t going to happen.

I slipped inside and closed the door behind me as she let out a whimper. I quietly made my way to her side as her brows furrowed. She was having a nightmare. I placed my hand on her shoulder, electricity pulsing through my fingertips from the touch of her warm skin. She flipped over and her eyes flew open, filled with fear.

“It’s me.”

She took a deep breath as her eyes scanned my face. “Jesus.” Her head fell back on the cushion.

“What was your nightmare about?” She looked away and rubbed her hands over her face but didn’t answer. “Me?”

“What are you doing here? Did you…did you remember?” There was a look of hope and fear in her eyes.

“No. I couldn’t take not seeing you. My place feels so empty.”

“How did you find me?” She sat up, stretching her arms over her head, revealing a sliver of her small waist.

“There was a tracking app on my phone.” I smiled when she didn’t seem to recoil or panic at my presence. “That probably isn’t a good thing.” I pulled my hand back from her shoulder, my heart sinking at the loss of contact.

“Not really.” She swung her legs over the edge of the couch. I stood up, wanting to pull her into my arms.

“I really fucked up.” I sighed as I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep myself from touching her.

“How did you get here?” she asked.

“I took a cab.”

She pushed to her feet, just inches from me as she nodded. Her shirt had ridden up in her sleep, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her panties. Her gaze followed mine, and she pulled down her shirt and walked around me toward the kitchen. She began to make a pot of coffee, and I cursed myself for not waiting until a decent hour to come see her. I had a million questions running through my mind and so few answers. I was terrified to let her know that I had pieced any of it together until I could see the big picture.

The time away from Emma only confirmed that not having her in my life wasn’t an option. I just needed her to open up to me. If I could get her talking, maybe she would see that not everything was a lie.

“Whose funeral did we attend?” I asked as her back went rigid.

“My aunt’s.” Her voice was softer now. “You remember?”

“Not everything. Just bits and pieces.” A half-truth. I was able to figure out some of what had happened over the past week, but none of it seemed like it was real. It was all just outside my grasp. “Did she live here? With you?”

Emma set a mug down in front of me on the table, her large green eyes searching mine. “Thank you.”

“I lived here with her, yes.” She took a sip of her drink as her eyes travelled down the hallway behind me. I followed her gaze.

“It must be hard for you to be here.” I took a drink of my coffee as I watched her. She nodded, and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. “You can come home…with me. I won’t touch you, if that’s what you want.” Of course, she wouldn’t want me to touch her. She didn’t even want to see me, and I had shown up at her house in the middle of the night. “I can sleep on the couch. I haven’t been able to sleep since you left.”

She held up her hand to stop me from rambling. “I couldn’t make you sleep on the couch in your own home.”

My heart leapt in my throat. Was she agreeing?

“Then it’s settled. We’ll sleep together. Strictly sleep, I meant.” I couldn’t help but smile as her cheeks flushed and she grinned. “Please, Emma. I need you.” I reached across the table and took her delicate hand in mine, unable to resist touching her.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and slowly nodded. I pushed from my chair, wrapped my arms around her waist, and lifted her from the ground. Her arms tightened around my neck, and I knew, memory or not, that I needed her more than anything.

“Grab your things. I want to get you home.” I sat her back on her feet, hating that I had to let her go. She hurried down the narrow hallway and disappeared into a room. I felt like the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. I slowly made my way toward Emma, not wanting to leave her out of my sight for a second. She laughed to herself as I stood in the doorway.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, and she jumped as she turned to look at me. I slowly walked toward her, glancing around the room. Being alone with her in her bedroom was an overwhelming feeling.

“I’m ready.” She pulled her bag up on to her shoulder. I reached out and grabbed the strap, letting my fingers graze her shoulder. The look in her eyes let me know she was feeling it too.

“I’ll carry this for you.” I pulled the bag from her and held out my free hand. She hesitated but slipped her fingers in mine.

I fought the urge to push her down on the bed and show her how much I needed her. Emma was timid by nature, and I couldn’t begin to understand how I had ever taken her on to the third floor or how she looked at me now with trust and not fear.

Chapter Nineteen

I watched Emma as she drove us away from her home. Her body was stiff, and the muscle in her jaw ticked as she gripped the steering wheel tightly. She reached out and turned on the radio, smiling as the song filled the tiny space and drowned out my thoughts. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and I wanted to know what was going through her mind.

She quickly changed the station and her face went blank. She was guarding herself from me. I didn’t take my eyes off her until we pulled into the bottom floor garage of my place. Emma kept her eyes locked ahead, and I knew she was having second thoughts. I got out of the car and grabbed her bag from the back seat of her old, beat-up white Rabbit.

Emma got out of the vehicle as her eyes danced over the steps ahead. I didn’t want her to feel forced. I wanted her to come inside on her own. I needed her to want to be here.

I unlocked the door and pushed it open, taking a step back. Her eyes met mine as she stepped inside. Relief washed over me as I followed her in and locked the door behind us. I could endure being locked inside my own personal hell if I had her by my side. Emma stretched and yawned in front of me. I took a step closer so I was nearly against her back.

“Want to go to bed?” I whispered against her ear and saw a shiver run through her. I could feel that monster inside of me begin to waken, and I wanted to pick her up and drag her up to that floor. I wanted to see the look in her eyes as I tightened down the straps. I stepped around her and held out my hand for her to take. “Come.”

Her fingers slid into mine, and I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled her toward my bedroom. She stopped as we entered the room, her hand slipping from mine as she stared down at the bed. I couldn’t shake the thought of feeling her skin against mine. I dropped her bag next to the door, pulled my shirt over my head, and tossed it on the floor. She watched as I began to unbuckle my belt, letting my jeans ride low on my hips.

“Maybe I should take the couch.” She looked afraid but the way her chest was rising quickly, I knew she was feeling what I was. She turned toward the door, and without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. My cock strained against my jeans as I pushed against her ass. I groaned as I closed my eyes, breathing in her flowery scent. This was the man she was running from. I needed to keep her safe from that side of me.

“Please don’t leave me,” I whispered against the shell of her ear. Her body relaxed, but I kept my grip firm. “Whatever you want from me…whatever you need from me, I will give it to you. Just please don’t leave me.”

“I want…I need time.”

It took every ounce of strength for me to release her and take a step back. She sighed as she turned back to face me. Her eyes locked on to mine as her fingers began to unbutton her jeans. She slid them over her hips and pushed them down. I did the same, never taking my eyes off hers.

She swallowed hard as she climbed into the bed and slid under the covers, curling on her side away from me. I crawled in beside her, forcing myself to keep distance between our bodies. I deserved the torture of being next to her and not being allowed to hold her. But we both knew that holding her wasn’t all I wanted.

Emma reached under the blanket, and I felt her body wiggle as she pulled her shirt up over her head and tossed it on the floor, and I was unable to breathe. I wasn’t strong enough. I reached out like a moth drawn to a flame and slid my fingers across her hip. I wasn’t the moth, though. I was the flame that would consume Emma if given the chance. I had done it once, and if I wanted to have her in my life, I couldn’t let that happen again. I was on my side, looking at the top of her bared back as I gently pulled on her hip, causing her to fall on her back. I looked down at her, quivering as she stared back at me. I ran my fingers over her jaw, and her lips parted.

My mouth inched closer to hers, but I refused to act. I couldn’t allow myself to be the man on the third floor. I needed to be what she wanted. Her chest began to rise and fall more rapidly as her breath blew across my mouth.

She pushed against my shoulder and I fell onto my back, certain she had made her decision, but her leg slid over my waist, brushing against my hard cock, and she lifted herself to straddle my waist.

She gripped my boxers and began to tug them down, her nails biting into my skin. I slid a hand over her hipbone, struggling against the urge to pull her down against me.

“I need you, Emma. Please…” I didn’t want to take her. There would be no turning back if I let that side of me that lingered below the surface come out. I slipped my fingers just inside the fabric of her panties, rubbing against her inner thigh.

“Aah…” she panted, and I ran my tongue over my lips, wanting to taste the delicate flesh between her thighs.

“Rip them,” she panted, and my eyes connected with hers. She was begging for the monster. “Rip them,” she repeated. I didn’t know how close to the edge I could go before I couldn’t stop myself from giving in to what I wanted, but I wasn’t strong enough to resist her. I gripped the fabric in my fingers and tugged them, ripping them from her body and tossing them on the floor. She grabbed both my wrists, and her body fell on top of mine as she held my hands on either side of my head.

Her lips hovered over mine as she rotated her hips, running her wet pussy against my cock. We both moaned as she repeated the action. I pushed back against her, wanting to grind against her clit.

“I want to touch you,” I groaned as I pushed against her again. She sucked my bottom lip in her mouth and gently bit down.

“Fuck,” I growled as I lifted my hands from the bed, pushing against her grip. Her power was an illusion, and we both knew it, but she needed to feel in control.

“Bad boy,” she smirked as she slid her dripping slit up the length of me again. Her tongue flicked out and ran over my upper lip. I lifted my head, taking her mouth with mine. She whimpered, and her lips parted, letting me fuck her mouth with my tongue. My hips ground against hers, and she melted against me.

“Do you enjoy teasing me?” I asked and pushed my tongue back inside her mouth more forcefully. It didn’t matter if she was on top of me; I was going to control this.

“You don’t like it?”

“I’ll take you any way I can get you.” Visions of the ways I wanted her flashed through my mind. I would have her every one of those ways in time. As her clit pressed against the head of my cock, I pulled back and pushed against her entrance, thrusting inside of her in one quick motion. She whimpered, but her thighs widened so I could fill her completely. She buried her face in my neck as I fucked her, her hips pushing back against mine with equal need.

“God…I love you,” she moaned into my neck, and my body froze. I had been wrong. I wasn’t the one in control. Emma owned me with those three little words.

“You love me?” I asked, but she lay frozen on top of me, her face buried in my neck.

“Look at me.” My voice shook as I prepared to look her in the eye. I needed to see the truth, to know that she felt what I did inside.

Her head slowly turned, and her sad, frightened eyes locked on to mine. There was more there behind the pain and the hurting, and it was undeniable. I slowly raised my hips, sliding deep inside of her. Her body began to move with mine, and we kept focused on each other as her body tightened around me, begging me to come with her. I filled her as she moaned, giving in to her own pleasure. In that moment, I became hers. I knew I would never be able to think of anyone else. As her body stopped trembling, she slid off me and curled up on her side, facing away from me.

I rolled onto my side, wrapping my arms around her from behind and pulling her against my chest. I trailed kisses down over her shoulder, and her body shook under my lips. I knew she was crying, and I didn’t know what to do. She had just professed her love for me, and now she was sobbing silently as I held her in my arms.

I cradled Emma until her body stilled and her breathing evened out and eventually deepened.

Chapter Twenty

I awoke at the crack of dawn, my body tangled with Emma’s. She looked peaceful, no hint of the inner turmoil she had when she had fallen asleep. I unwrapped myself from her and made my way to the kitchen. I prepared a fresh pot of coffee as I leaned over the counter, fisting my hands in my hair as I thought over my nightmare from the previous night.

I was in a crowded club and watching Emma in the middle of the dance floor with another guy. He kept touching her, and I begged her to stop, but she ignored my pleas. My head began to throb as I struggled to remember what had happened next. It was a blur of anger and desperation as I watched myself cut the brake line to the guy’s car.

A sound from behind me caught my attention, and I spun around to see Emma sitting at the island. I had not heard her come out of the room.

“Sorry.” She tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked over at me. I rolled my neck from side to side, stretching it as I tried to block the thought of another man’s hands on her. I didn’t know if it was a memory or just a fear. I grabbed the pot of coffee and filled our mugs, placing one in front of her. I grabbed the milk from the fridge and waited for her to dump sugar into her cup before I topped it off with a splash of milk.

She watched me spin the sugar container in my hand, and I caught the faint memory of her reaching for it. Next, I was inside of her, taking her from behind. My gaze fell to her while she was deep in thought. Her eyes slowly rose to meet mine, and her cheeks flushed as the incident crossed her mind. Mine. My eyes narrowed.

“Do you… remember anything new?” she asked as I searched her eyes, the nagging feeling that I wasn’t the only one who had secrets in this relationship.

“I wish I did.” My gaze fell to the sugar. I let it go and grabbed my mug, taking a sip.

“Hungry?” I asked as I made my way to the fridge and began to pull out ingredients for breakfast.

“I think I’ll skip breakfast,” she sighed. I began to crack eggs into a bowl, adding a splash of milk and a few spices. My mind wandered as I struggled to see through the fog of my memories. I cut up some cheeses and meats as I waited for my frying pan to heat up on the stove. She didn’t speak as I prepared our meal, but I could feel her eyes on me as I worked.

His face—I could see the face of the guy she danced with. But it wasn’t in the club that I was face to face with him. It was an apartment, and he and Emma were in the bedroom. My gut twisted, and I could feel myself slipping away to the monster that lurked just below the surface.

I turned from the stove and placed a plate of food in front of her.

“I don’t think I can.” She placed a hand over her stomach as I took the seat next to her and began to cut up my food.

“You need to eat something.” I put a bite of omelet in my mouth as she watched me, and my eyes met hers.

“I’m fine, really.” She smiled.

“Eat.” I tried to hide the twinge of frustration from my voice, but I was becoming less patient. I knew I hadn’t been a saint, but if Emma were aware of what type of person I was, why would she have pushed my buttons?

She picked up her fork with a bite of egg and blew on it before sticking it in her mouth. “Thanks.” She smiled, and I returned the gesture, pleased that she was listening to me. Good girl.

I finished eating my food in silence as I tried to push the few memories that had surfaced from my mind. I grabbed out plates and started to make my way to the sink to clean the dishes. Emma’s hand grabbed my wrist. “Why don’t you let me get that?” She pushed to her feet and took the plates from my hands.

I followed her to the sink and wrapped my arms around her waist as she scrubbed them clean.

“William…” her voice trailed off.

“Shh…” I whispered against her neck, tasting the salt of her flesh as the memory of having her bent over the counter and fucking her replayed in my mind.

“I don’t think we should do this.” I could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“Don’t think.” My hand slid over her belly and into the top of her panties. I needed to hear her say those words again. I needed to know that my own mind was betraying me and that Emma was mine—no one else’s.

“I can’t.” her words knocked the air from my lungs, and I stilled my hand before pulling away from her completely. I ran my hands roughly through my hair, struggling not to scream. Maybe having her here was just more of the torture. I was stuck in purgatory. She turned to face me, and I struggled to hold on to my last thread of sanity.

“What’s the problem?” I reached out for her, but she pressed her back against the edge of the sink. It was a slap in the face.

“You don’t remember…you don’t…” Tears filled her eyes as she swallowed against the lump in her throat.

I stepped closer to her and rubbed the back of my fingers over her cheek. Beautiful, broken girl. I didn’t know if she wanted me to remember what I had done to her or if she wanted me to forget the things she had done to me. I was willing to block it all out just to keep her in my arms.

“It doesn’t matter. Whatever happened doesn’t matter now. We are here. We both want to be with each other. Why fight it?” I ran my thumb over the corner of her eye to catch a tear that threatened to fall, and her eyes closed.

“I may not know what I did to hurt you so badly, but I know that we once loved each other. I know you still love me or you wouldn’t be here right now.” I swallowed hard as I struggled to continue. “I know it hurts you to be with me, but you are willing to suffer through the pain to be by my side.” I moved closer until my body pressed tight against hers. “I know I love you too. I can feel it.”

I took her hand in mine and held it against my bare chest so she could feel how frantic my heart was when I was with her. “Give me a chance to make this right. I will do anything to make this right.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she pushed her lips against mine. My free hand snaked in her hair and pulled her against me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered against her mouth. “Start over with me. We can make new memories. I’ll be whoever you need me to be.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck and held me to her as my lips moved possessively against hers, claiming her.

Chapter Twenty-one

I decided to let Emma determine the pace of the new chapter of our relationship and make good on the promise I made to her this morning. We started by going out on a real date to the movies. She picked a romantic comedy, and I suffered through it as I watched her laugh and smile at the screen. I held her hand as she got lost in the make-believe story. I pictured her in the movie store as she picked up a movie just like this and how I fucked her from behind as I bent her over the couch that evening. I smiled as I thought of how different that date night had been.

After the movie, we went out to dinner at The Garden. It was nearly empty, but Emma was still nervous we would run into someone from our past. I thought of Angela and Allison, not even sure of what they looked like. The guy I had flashes of with Emma crossed my mind, and I struggled to push him from my thoughts. I comforted her and let her know that none of it mattered. The past was just that. It was another life for us, and we were starting a new one. One with no one to stand in the way of us being together.

I glanced over the menu, deciding what I wanted to eat, when Emma’s grip on my hand tightened. I looked up at her, worry marring her perfect face.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” She smiled weakly and looked down at her menu.

I fought back my mild frustration at having to ask her twice.

“Please, just tell me what is bothering you so I can make it right.” I was sick of not knowing anything. The memories were barely a flicker in the back of my mind. It made me feel out of control.

“Hey, Professor Honor.” A cheery voice called from behind me. Emma pulled her hand from mine as I glanced up at the woman. I nodded and smiled at her, and she continued past our table.

“Who was that?” she asked as she leaned in closer.

“I have no idea.” I raised an eyebrow as I watched her relax and let out a laugh.

“She’s probably one of your students.”

“I’m a teacher?” That only made sense with my need for control.

“A professor at Kippling College.”

“You were one of my…” I let my voice trail off as I studied Emma’s face. The memory of having her bent over a desk came to mind, and my dick became hard at the memory. She was so innocent and eager.

We didn’t have any other interruptions at dinner, but Emma didn’t touch me for the rest of the meal, and it bothered me that we had to be so cautious in public. It made me worry that she was ashamed of our relationship. If she was so worried, why the fuck did she drag me out to do this? I swallowed my doubt and refused to let that side of my thinking take over.

As we left I offered to drive us home, but Emma refused. She blamed my memory, but I was sure the accident had something to do with her hesitation.

“You don’t even know how to get home!” she laughed, and I struggled not to let her comment offend me.

“Two lefts and straight through to Riverton Street.”

Her expression turned serious as her eyes searched mine.

“Me?” She sounded so small, so fragile. I shook my head as I looked down at the ground. The few memories that had come back to me were less than pleasant. She sighed as I opened the passenger side door and slid into the car. She joined me, cranking the radio as the car revved to life and we pulled out into traffic.

My phone rang and vibrated against my thigh. I pulled it from my pocket and glanced at the screen before sliding it back in my pocket. Fuck.

“Who was that?” The jealousy was evident in her voice.

“I don’t know.” I stared out the passenger window as she pulled over onto the shoulder of the road and slammed the car into park. .

“You knew enough not to answer it. Who was it?”

“Someone named Allison.” I cringed as I said her name. Emma clutched at her stomach as if I had hit her.

“You… remember her?”

There it was, the pain that I had promised to not cause her. It was my past forcing itself back into our lives. I thought of my threat to Allison about forgetting I existed. I wanted to make her regret her decision not to, and in that moment, the other face from the pictures became clear. Abby didn’t take my threats to stay away from me seriously either. The truth sat on my chest like a ton of bricks. My memory wasn’t gone because of an accident or because it was too painful to face. I had a break; I snapped when I nearly killed Emma.

“No. She called while you were gone. I had no idea who she was…at first.” The lies tumbled from my lips. I reached for her hand, but she recoiled from my touch. “I don’t remember her. I only have what she said to go by.”

She turned back to the steering wheel and laid her head against it. I wanted to scream. We had agreed to move on from what had happened. I felt alone and didn’t think Emma would ever talk to me again. What was I supposed to do? I needed to have some answers. I was losing my fucking mind, and the one person I had, refused to come near me.

“Please,” I said through clenched teeth. She didn’t look at me as she put the car in drive and pulled back onto the road. She was speeding and driving out of control. I fought the urge to say something to her. All I could think about was disciplining her. The urge to teach her a lesson and take control was overwhelming. She was throwing a tantrum, and she was being careless with her own life. I swallowed down my desires. I promised her I was different. I wouldn’t let history repeat itself, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t fantasize about how good it would feel.

When we reached my place, she put the car in park and got out, slamming the door angrily. She took the steps two at a time as I slowly exited the car and ran my hand angrily through my hair. She opened the door and was inside the apartment as I started up the steps.

As I reached the top, I stepped inside, my eyes scanning hers. My phone rang in my pocket, and Emma’s eyes narrowed before the same anger I was forcing myself to suppress showed on her face.

She shoved against my chest hard. My back hit the wall next to the door, and she knocked it closed. Her hands grabbed my belt, and she pulled against it, struggling to undo the buckle. I’d seen that look in her eye many times in my own reflection.

She wanted me to remember or to make herself forget. Either way, I was happy just to be able to touch her.

She pulled down my zipper and slid her hand inside my boxers to pull my cock free. I was rock hard and struggling to not pin her down and prove to her how much I wanted her and only her, but I was enjoying this side of Emma. I wanted to see how far she would go.

I ran a finger up her arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps in my wake. She knocked my hand away, and I had to suppress a smirk. Her fingers wrapped around my dick, and she squeezed as I throbbed against her palm. She was playing a very dangerous game that I had already mastered.

“Emma, please…” There was a warning in my words, but she ignored it, pressing her finger against my lips as she sank down to her knees. Her eyes stayed locked on mine as her tongue ran over the head of my cock, and she slid it past her lips.

“Aaah…” I groaned as I wrapped my fingers in her hair, fisting it. She pulled back, dragging her teeth over my shaft. “Fuck, Emma.” My head fell back against the wall as she swirled her tongue over my head and let my cock slip deep into her throat. “I want you.”

She bit down lightly and my fist tightened in her hair as I struggled against my every instinct to make her pay for that little move and shove her mouth down hard on my cock. She looked up at me with hooded eyes as she opened her mouth, and I knew I needed to let her take control. I loosened my grip, and her tongue ran over me again. I couldn’t hold back the moan that resonated from the back of my throat. She rose to her feet and looked me in the eye, the uncertainty carefully masked behind her desire to claim me as hers.

She walked off toward the bedroom, and I took a deep breath and followed her.

She stood at the foot of the bed as I entered. “In here, I’m in charge.” She cleared her throat, unsure if she was convincing as a dom. “You don’t touch me unless I tell you it’s okay.” She was repeating my own words. I walked toward her, and she took a small step back. She grabbed hold of my belt and pulled it from my jeans. “Take your clothes off.”

Chapter Twenty-two

I pulled my shirt over my head as her eyes danced over the tattoo that ran up my arm and across my chest. I shoved my jeans down and kicked them off my feet. Her eyes fell to my boxers and back to my eyes. I shoved my boxers down over my hips and grabbed my cock in my hand.

“I didn’t tell you to touch yourself.” I watched the muscles in her throat move as she swallowed hard. I reluctantly released my hand, gripping it at my side. As amusing as this little game was, I wanted to be inside of her, and I was growing impatient.

“Lie down.” She motioned toward the bed.

I crawled to the center of the bed and propped up on my elbows as I watched her. She pulled her shirt over her head, her nipples hard and begging to be sucked. She shoved her jeans and underwear down with one motion, and as she stepped out of them, I noticed my belt still clutched tightly in her hand. Her body was shaking with anger and fear. She slowly crawled over me, and I lay flat on my back, curious to see what it was she had in mind.

“Put your hands above your head.” I didn’t move. “Now!” she said with more confidence. I lifted my hands over my head, and she smiled as she looped the belt around my wrists and through a slat in the headboard. I tugged at the restraint as she raked her nails down my chest, causing me to flex under her touch. Her pussy hovered right above my cock, and I lifted my hips to rub against her as I ran my tongue over my lips. Her eyes fell closed for a moment, getting lost in the pleasure.

“No,” she said quietly. “Don’t move.” She brought her open palm down hard on my chest, and I clenched my jaw, swallowing back the urge to break this fucking headboard and beat her ass until she was dripping wet. I let my head fall back on the pillow as her fingers wrapped around my cock, and she positioned my head against her pussy. She slowly lowered herself down on top of me until I filled her completely. She began to ride me nice and slow, and her hands ran over her tits, pinching her nipples as her teeth dug into her lip. I groaned as I watched her use my body to please herself. I tugged against the belt as she placed her fingers against my lips. I kissed them, running my tongue out to taste her skin.

Her eyes fell closed as she continued to ride my dick, her fingers sliding down to my shoulders. She gripped me tightly, and the biting pain of her nails nearly pushed me over the edge. Her hips stilled as she looked down at her fingers, wet with blood.

“I-I’m sorry.” She looked terrified.

“Don’t stop.” I thrust my hips up hard. She began to ride me, matching my movements. I growled as her pussy tightened around me, and I came as she cried out, lost in her own pleasure.

Her body collapsed on top of mine as she reached over my head and undid the belt. As soon as my hands were free, I wrapped my arms around her.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” Her fingers traced the tiny half-moon wounds.

“I’ve obviously hurt you a lot worse. I deserve whatever you give me.” I squeezed her as I kissed the top of her head. Anything was better than her running away from me again, and pain and pleasure where interchangeable to me.

I would take Emma any way I could have her. I had hurt her and broken her trust. Earning it back would not be easy, but I looked forward to every minute I got to spend with her, making it right.

“Emma.” I waited for her to look up at me. “Tell me about you.” She sighed as she curled back into my chest. Those memories of her past had never surfaced because I had never cared to ask.

“What do you want to know?” He body grew rigid.

“Everything.”

“I’m an only child. I grew up in Michigan. I came to live with my aunt a few years ago when…”

“What?” I rubbed my hand over her back.

“When my parents died in a car accident.”

Every muscle in my body tightened, and I had to force myself not to squeeze her too tightly.

“A car accident?” She slowly nodded her head. “Fuck, Emma. You must have been so scared when I…” The words caught in my throat.

“It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.”

“I could have killed us both.” My heart began to pound in my chest as the realization of how much I had hurt her washed over me. I could see the fight that night clearly now. I could see the hurt in her eyes as I told her how I knew Allison and her aunt.

“You remember…”

I nodded as I tightened my arms around her, and the warm wetness of her tears dampened my chest. “That’s why you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, William. We were fighting before the crash.”

I placed my fingers under her chin and tilted her head up so I could look her in the eye.

“What happened to us?” I needed to hear it from her. I wanted the past to be exposed so I could stop hiding who I was. I could only hold back from taking her the way I wanted to for so long. Today was a test that I barely passed.

“It was nothing.” She tried to hide her face, but I kept my finger under her chin, forcing her to face the truth with me.

“I want to know. I want you to tell me.” I could see the worry in her eyes, but this wasn’t negotiable. I narrowed my eyes as she took a deep breath. “Tell me.”

“You asked me to marry you. I told you no.”

“You said no.” I repeated as the memory of her rejection played fresh in my mind.

“I was scared you would regret it if you lost your job. You love teaching. I could never live with myself if you lost that.”

“I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t love you more. You’re more important than some job. How could you think otherwise?”

She was silent as she thought over her reasons and doubts. I took her hand in mine and held it against my chest so she could feel how rapidly my heart was beating.

“Emma, I don’t know what happened between us, and I don’t care. My heart races out of control every time you come near me. I’m terrified that you will walk out of that door and it will stop. I can’t live without you. I don’t care if I never remember my life. I want to start a new one…with you.”

“Yes, let’s do it. Let’s get married.”

My lips crushed against hers, claiming her, owning her. Our turbulent love nearly killed us both, but she was giving me a second chance to make her mine, and I wouldn’t let her slip out of my grasp this time.

Chapter Twenty-three

“Are you ready?” I asked as I laced my fingers with Emma’s. She took several deep breaths before responding.

“Yes,” she whispered as Stephen stepped closer to us, a stack of papers in his hands. He smiled at me knowingly, and I smirked.

“Emma,” he greeted her, inclining his head toward her.

“Good to see you again,” she laughed with excitement. Stephen’s gaze fell to me, and I nodded. I knew he was concerned, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I couldn’t live without Emma, and this was the only option.

“We are here today to participate in a most joyous occasion, to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments, by acknowledging the wedding of William and Emma.” His eyes locked on mine. “William, do you take Emma to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, honor her, and protect her? Share the good times and achievements as well as the hard times and disappointments? Keep her in sickness and in sorrow and be faithful to her forevermore?”

I looked down into Emma’s bright green eyes and smiled. “I do.”

Emma looked to Stephen, but I kept my eyes locked on her as he began to speak.

“Emma, do you take William to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, honor him, and protect him? Share the good times and achievements as well as the hard times and disappointments? Keep him in sickness and in sorrow and be faithful to him forevermore?”

“I do.” The pressure left my chest as she promised to be mine for the rest of her life. I looked to Stephen who nodded, and my gaze fell back on Emma.

“I give you this ring in token and pledge as a symbol of all that we share, with my constant faith and abiding love.” I slid her ring onto her finger, marking her as mine.

“Now that you have joined yourself in matrimony, may you strive always to meet this commitment with the same spirit you now exhibit. We all bear witness to this ceremony you have just performed, and you may now call yourselves by those old and respected names: husband and wife. May God bless this union. You may kiss the bride.”

I wrapped my arms around Emma’s waist as I pulled her body against mine. My mouth found hers hungrily as I kissed my new bride.

“I love you,” she whispered against my lips. I couldn’t help but smile.

“I love you, Emma Honor. Now you are mine forever.”

THE END

Content

Honor & Betray
By
Teresa Mummert

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-one

Chapter Twenty-two

Chapter Twenty-three