Outcome

by Kim Pritekel & Alexa Hoffman

Part 1

I leaned against Mr. Rodman’s desk, my books in my arms as I tapped my foot to the beat of the song in my head. That damn Britney Spears. I can’t even stand her, but I’d heard one of her songs on someone’s car stereo in the parking lot, and now I was stuck with it.

"Trying to tap through the floor?" I turned to see the older man walk into the classroom.

"Yeah, that’s exactly what I was doing. You’re late."

"Sorry. A student caught me out in the hall." The physics teacher sat behind his desk, shuffling through the stacks of graded and un-graded tests. "Okay, today you only have one, I think." Grabbing a folded paper, he pushed his ever sliding glasses further onto his nose, and read over the names. "Yeah, today you have Haley Corregan. She’ll meet you in the library at four." He looked up at me to see me staring at the page in his hand.

"Haley?" He nodded, tossing the sheet aside.

"Yep. That’s it. She’s a bright girl, so I don’t imagine it should take long. We have a test coming up next week, and she’s worrying herself silly about it."

"Okay. Thanks, Hank."

I glanced at the large clock over the chalkboard as I walked out of the room. I had just under an hour to kill before I met her for tutoring. I had been surprised when Hank had said her name. Why would Haley Corregan need anything? Wasn’t she supposed to be perfect or something?

I headed to my locker to dump my books from my last class and get mine for my homework tonight, making sure I had them balanced well for the fifteen minute walk home. There was nothing worse than book edges pushing into your back.

I walked the long halls of Winston High School in Winston, Minnesota, two thousand students strong. To me it felt more like a prison, two thousand inmates strong. I still had another year to go after this one. It was only September, the beginning of my junior year, but I didn’t count it. I had already started it, right?

Glancing around, I saw my peers standing around, talking, laughing together, looking through me as if I didn’t exist at all. That was me, the perfect wallflower, and I liked it that way. No one bothered you, and I was able to get through my classes without incident. I had talked to more students in the last year through my tutoring than I had in the last five years of classes.

Running a hand through my blonde hair, cut short to stay out of my face during Tae Kwon Do, I turned down the hall that would lead to the library.

"Good afternoon, Andi," Mrs. Runyon said as I walked by the circulation desk. I smiled at her.

"Hello, ma’am. I have a student coming in, and I’ll be over there." I pointed toward a table near the back. The librarian smiled and gave me the thumbs up. I sat down, laying my backpack down on the table, and reaching in to take out my pre-calc book to begin my homework while I waited.

"Hey," I looked up to see Haley Corregan standing next to the table, backpack slung over one shoulder, dark brown hair tied up in a ponytail. Jeans and a blue t-shirt. She smiled.

"Hi."

"You’re Andi, right?" I nodded.

"Have a seat."

I put my book aside as she sat. I took my mechanical pencil out of my bag, more for something for my hands to play with than for me to use.

"How are you?" I looked at her, surprised by the question for some reason.

"Um, fine. Um, you?"

"Great, thanks for asking." She gave me another winning smile. "Are you new here?" Ah, the standard question. I smiled to myself for a moment, then shook my head.

"Nope. I’ve been here since I was a mere zygote." Haley looked surprised.

"Oh. I’m sorry. Guess I just missed you."

I chuckled ruefully. "Yeah. So what’s the problem?"

"Oh," she took her physics book out of her bag. "Test. Soon. Scared." I grinned.

"Okay. Well, from what I know of you, I really think you’re more worried than needs be. Is this the first of the semester?" She nodded. "Okay. Open up to where you guys are at."

"Are you a senior?" Haley asked as she flipped through the book to find the right page. I shook my head.

"Well, I will be next year."

"Oh, god. I’m being tutored by someone who’s younger than me?" She looked at me with horror on that beautiful face. "You must really think I’m stupid."

"Not at all. I just ended up a science geek for some reason. It happens. Sometimes you just need a little push, you know?" I shrugged, trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible. She smiled, nearly blinding me with the brilliance of it.

"Thanks. Okay, so the test will be over chapters two through four."

"Alright. Let’s take a look," I went over the entire thing with her, explaining what everything was and meant. We went over the vocabulary and results of the experiments in the book.

As Haley worked on a few test questions I looked at her. I had been pleasantly surprised by her. For one, most in her school status count on their looks and popularity to get them through, and knowing physics certainly wasn’t a huge priority in their rather busy social schedule. I respected that about her, as well as how nice she was to me.

"Okay. How bad did I mess it up?" She looked at me, her blue eyes hopeful. I read over her answers, figuring them out in my head, then grinned at her.

"You did good. They’re all right."

"Really?" Her excitement was almost catching. I nodded. "Wow. Who would have thunk. It’s not that hard." Haley looked over her paper with amazement on her face.

"Nah. Once you get the main properties it’s not as bad as it looks." Haley looked at me as she slammed her book shut.

"Thanks, Andi. I really appreciate this." I shrugged.

"It’s my job."

"Yeah, but you do it well." Standing, she shoved her book and notebook into her bag, checking her watch. "Oh, I have to go." Slinging the bag onto her shoulder, she smiled once again, then with a little wave, she was hurrying through the library.

I stood, shoving all of my own stuff into my bag, re-balancing it all before slinging it onto my shoulders, headed for home.

I pulled my coat a bit closer to me as the wind whipped through the trees, and through the all too thin material of my flannel jacket. I was glad it was my night to chill; Thursday, one of my only free days after tutoring, which was slow so far with classes just beginning. I knew I should take advantage of it now before things really started to kick in.

The leaves made beautiful sounds as the wind turned up a notch, and really began to get things started, blowing the leaves clear off their branches, making them swirl around the sidewalks in a dance of the harsh fall and winter to come. My house wasn’t far now, and I was grateful, chilled to the bone. I turned up the circular drive, pushed through the front door with one of my mom’s craft projects hanging on it; a fall wreath with a little scarecrow sitting on it, and a wooden sign with the word WELCOME painted in orange paint across it.

"Hey, sweetie. I’m heading out now, so I need you to make dinner for you and Chris tonight, okay?" My mother was running around the house like a little whirlwind as she got her hospital badge clipped to her scrub top. She hurried over to me, the perfume that she’d worn since I was a kid, wafting behind her.

"Okay."

"Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah, not bad. I aced my history test today."

"You rock, girl." My mom grabbed me in a hug until I could feel my ribs nearly crack, and my eyes bulged. "You’re so smart." She kissed my forehead before buzzing upstairs to grab her shoes.

Shaking my head with a grin, I dropped my bag on the couch, and headed to the kitchen for an apple. I was starving.

"I’ll be in the ER tonight, honey," she yelled from her bedroom.

"Okay," I yelled back, searching through the fridge to see if my mom had bought that caramel I loved to dip the apple slices in. Bingo!

"So if you guys need anything, just call the 188 extension." Suddenly my mom was behind me, grabbing her purse from the coat hanger next to the door leading to the garage. I looked at her.

"God, no wonder you’re so skinny. You don’t stop for a minute." She grinned.

"No time. I love you."

"I love you, too." She opened the garage door, hitting the button for the large garage door opener, and closed the door to the house. I could hear the Outback’s engine roar to life as I cut my snack into slices, perfect for dipping.

Taking the entire cutting board to the table, I sat down and began to eat, looking around the small table that sat two in the kitchen. Our full-sized dining table was in the dining room just off the kitchen. Me and Chris used to color in our coloring books at this table. I looked at the clock on the microwave; he should be home soon from football practice. The little slug was a Freshman at Winston High this year, and was so proud of himself for making the team his first time out. I have to admit, though I never would to him, I was proud.

My mom had left the mail on the table, and so I grabbed it, searching through for something to do as I ate. Never knowing why, especially after all the years of martial arts, I had to have something to keep my interest. My mom used to say I was just like a little jumping bean, never able to keep still.

Bill, bill, bill, ads for County Market. My eyes narrowed when I saw the return address. Rick Littman. Why the hell was there a letter from my father in here? I looked to see where he was now, NM. Where is that, New Mexico? What the hell is he doing there?

My fingers burned to rip that sucker open and see what he had to say, but it wasn’t addressed to me, and wasn’t my business. To take my temptation away, I slid it under the stack of mail. You know, out of sight, out of mind. Yeah, right.

The front door opened, the screen door slamming shut.

"Don’t slam the door, moron. How many times does mom have to tell you?"

"Shut up. What’s for dinner?" Chris dropped his football equipment on the living room floor, and sauntered into the kitchen. He looked more like our mom, medium brown hair and brown eyes. I had gotten the blonde hair and green eyes from our father, a.k.a. the sperm donor.

"Well, funny that. Mom told me she wants you to make it." I grinned, licking the apple juices off the knife I had used on my snack.

"What?" he turned to look at me, milk carton halfway to his mouth. I nodded. "Yup. She said how will you make anyone a good husband someday if you don’t know your way around a kitchen."

"You don’t know your way around it." He drank, then slammed the container back onto the fridge shelf.

"You wish. Anyway, I’m off to start studying. She left instructions on the counter." I hurried out of the kitchen, bounding up the stairs two at a time.

My room was filled with everything that was me. A huge poster of Albert Einstein hung over my computer. A lava lamp was my bedside lamp, and of course a poster of my hero, Han Cha Kyo, on the back of my door. He was a Tae Kwon Do master who had achieved 9th Dan, highest honor in Tae Kwon Do. He was the Grand Master. My Sabum Nim had been devastated when he’d died in 1996. All my ti’s from white up to my black belt, were folded over the mirror on my dresser.

Of course one of my biggest accomplishments was the three shelves holding my collection of Beanie Babies next to my closet. Hey, every girl has her vice.

I plopped down on my floor, clicking the stereo on first, then spread out all my books and papers. Pencil in my mouth, I began to study and work on my pre-calc homework, and started on my psychology project. I hated psych, but had no choice but to take it. It all made no sense to me. How do you feel about your mother. Who cares? It wasn’t due until the end of the semester, but I figured I’d better start on it now before I let the Procrastinator overtake me.

"I’ll be back," I muttered in my best Arnie impression.

As the music played on, I wrote down questions, answering more, until all my math was finished, and I could fully concentrate on my psych. Mrs. Fields wanted us to do a project where we compare and contrast. Compare and contrast what?

With a sigh I sat back against the side of my bed, looked out the window. The sun was beginning to sit low in the sky, the bright, intense rays of sundown nearly blinding me. I was shocked to see it was nearly six.

"Yo, dipshit! Dinner!" Chris yelled from downstairs. I grinned at my cleverness, and tossed my pencil aside to go eat.

* * *

The shrillness of the bell hurried everyone along to their next class, the chatter, hurried footsteps and slamming metal locker doors nearly deafening as I made my way to AP English with the ever nutty, ex- hippie Mrs. Graham. Though I didn’t much care for the subject, with her you couldn’t help but learn and enjoy yourself. Her soft spoken way, but intelligent and insightful way of looking at writers and literature was refreshing and amusing. If my passion wasn’t so strongly set in science and medicine, I may have tried a different path, with English a stop on the way.

The walk home today was even colder than the day before, the tale-tell signs of winter with the infant stages of leaves turning. It would come early this year for sure. One thing I have to give my father credit for. Before he and my mother split when I was eleven, he would take me out and we’d go look at all the trees and plants around this time of year. He taught me what to look for when the seasons began to change.

It would be a cold bike ride to work, that was for sure. When I got off at seven it would be even worse. Definitely time to pull out the sweaters.

"Hey, honey. How was your day?" My mom sat on the couch reading the newest Reader’s Digest.

"Hi." I plopped down next to her, her arm automatically reaching around to play with my hair, my head going to her shoulder. "My day was okay. Long. You?" My mom leaned her cheek against the top of my head.

"It was okay. My only day off this week with Vicki quitting. I absolutely refused to be productive today. I don’t understand why they think they don’t have to hire any more nurses when one quits. I mean, do they honestly think we all can cover for one less body?"

"I’m sorry, mom. They’re rich assholes who care about the almighty buck instead of their employees or patients." My mom took her head from mine, looking at me.

"How on earth did you get so pessimistic?" I grinned with a shrug. "Well, you are right, though." She sighed. "Norman is after me again to go work for him in his private practice. The money wouldn’t be as good, but the hours would be a lot better."

"Well," I pulled away from her so I could look into her tired face. "If it comes down to keeping your sanity or making the big bucks, I don’t really see the choice, you know?" She smiled, hugging me.

"Go get a snack. Made fresh brownies." My face automatically brightened.

"Ghirardelli?" She nodded. "Score!" I hopped up, nearly tripping on my face in my haste to get my hands on the chocolate.

"So what’s your plans for tonight?" I held up a hand, my mouth too full of the sweetness from the cocoa bean to answer. My mom walked over to the counter to get herself a cup of coffee.

"I have to go in to work. Marty called off."

"Oh. Well, why don’t you take the car tonight? It’s getting too cold for you to ride. The last thing I need is a sick Andrea on my hands."

"Thanks. I really wasn’t looking forward to it." Leaning against the counter, we were both quiet for a moment, me eating, her sipping. "Where’s Chris?"

"Over at Brian’s, that new family that moved in. He’s become pretty good buds with him." Shrugging my indifference, I grabbed the keys from the coat rack.

"I have to go. I’ll see you later."

"I love you, hon. Be careful."

"I love you, too. Will do. Later."

* * *

I lay on my bed, my ankles crossed as I stared up at my ceiling, the glow in the dark stars there twinkling at me as I listened to my Eagles Greatest Hits CD. Work had been hectic, all three hours of it. I worked at Rothman Labs as an assistant, and loved it. Right now we were working on samples from an asbestos clean up at the elementary school. It felt good to relax and clear the brain, especially since it was Thursday, my favorite day, since that meant tomorrow was Friday.

The phone rang, but I let my mom or Chris get it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Not that it would be for me, anyway.

Knock, knock.

"Andrea, honey. Phone." My mom said softly on the other side of the door. Looking at the closed door with a shocked expression on my face.

"What?" The door opened, and my mom entered, holding the cordless phone out to me. I took it, and my mom hurried out of my room. I looked at it for a second like it was a snake that would bite me. Was it my grandmother?

"Hello?"

"Hi, um, is this Andi?"

"Yeah," I totally didn’t recognize the girl’s voice on the other end.

"I’m really sorry to bother you. This is Haley Corregan." My brows drew. What the… "My test is tomorrow, and to be honest, I’m starting to really freak out. I didn’t see you in the library after school, so I didn’t know how else to get a hold of you."

"You want help?" I asked, laying back down on my bed, one leg up, the other ankle crossed over my knee. There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, then in a tiny voice,

"Yes." I couldn’t keep the grin from my face.

"Okay. Do you know where I live?"

"No. The school directory just has your phone number."

"Oh, okay. Well I live right on the corner of Theo and Lark."

"Really? That’s only about six blocks away from me."

"Well good. You won’t have far to go."

"Thanks, Andi. I really appreciate this."

"No problem. See you soon."

I clicked the off button on my phone, and sighed. Wow. Haley Corregan is coming to my house.

"Shit."

I popped up, looked around my room to see what mess there was. Not bad, but I still shoved any bit of clothing from the floor into my hamper, stacking my books on my dresser instead of spread all across the floor as usual.

I heard the doorbell chime, and checked myself in the mirror, smoothing my cowlick down before looking down at myself. I wore shiny green soccer shorts with a white tank, my feet bare.

"Andrea!"

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled, hurrying toward the door, opening it just in time to hear,

"So, do you like brownies?" Rolling my eyes, I hurried down the stairs to see Haley standing just inside the door in a pair of flannel pants, sneakers and a heavy coat. She looked up at the noise my hurried steps made. My mom disappeared to the kitchen.

"Hey," she said. I waved. "I’m getting a brownie." She smiled, obviously happy about this.

"Well, as long as you can listen and review at the same time, we’ll be fine."

My mom hurried over to us with a plate stacked with little brownie squares and two napkins.

"Thank you, Mrs.," she looked at me.

"Littman."

"Littman." She smiled, as did my mother.

"Theresa, and enjoy. You two have fun." She turned to head back downstairs where the TV was on.

"Well, um, ready?" Haley looked at me, a brownie already in hand. I turned to lead us up the stairs, and could hear her chewing and moaning in pleasure as she scarffed the treat down. I switched my light on, and stood to the side to allow her to enter. As she ate, she looked around, taking in my eclectic collection.

"This is most interesting." She said with a grin, looking at my Beanie Babies. For just a moment I felt embarrassed, knowing it wasn’t exactly what a 17-year-old girl should be keeping. But I just couldn’t bring myself to part with a ten year obsession.

"Yeah, well. You know." I shuffled my feet, staring down at the floor. "So, um, how are the brownies?" I could not believe this; Haley Corregan was in my house, and not just that, she was standing in the middle of my bedroom! It’s like inviting Julia Roberts to your house, but teenage style.

"They’re wonderful. Want one?" She offered the second one to me. I shook my head putting my hand up.

"No. I’ve had my fill for today. I think six is already topping the scale as it is, you know?" She grinned, stuffing the entire thing into her mouth. "Alrighty, then. Shall we?" I indicated the floor. She nodded, chewing as she knelt down, dropping the text book in front of me.

"Help." She managed to utter after an impressive swallowing act. Shaking my head, I opened the book, and began the review. I could tell Haley was scared to death to take the test. She hung on my every word, watching me intently as I explained the different parts of gravity, and went over the experiments once again.

"So, you think you’ve got it?" I asked, tapping the book with the pen in my hand. She looked at the book to her notes, then finally at me, and took a deep breath.

"Well, I just hope I’ll be able to retain all this overnight."

"If you need any further help, I usually try to get to school early."

"Oh, that’s okay. I have the test during first hour, so I think if I don’t know it by the time I wake up in the morning, I might as well give it up." I grinned, nodding.

"Okay. I really think you’ll do fine, Haley. Hell, you knew most of what I was covering tonight before I even went over it, anyway." She sat back, holding herself up on her hands.

"Well, maybe. I think I just needed that little bit of a safety lesson, you know." She smiled sheepishly.

"Eh, you’ll be okay. Really. My services are guaranteed."

"I sure hope so." She laughed. Haley glanced at her watch. "Oh, shit. I have to go. I was supposed to meet Kelly at ten, and it’s almost ten-thirty."

"Oops."

"Yeah. Thanks again, Andi, or Andrea." I glared as she grinned.

"Yeah, call me that again and see if I help you again." Haley stood, gathering her book and notebook, sticking her pen in her pocket.

"Let me know how it goes." Haley smiled, then walked toward the door. I walked her downstairs and opened the front door for her, letting in the cold night air. She walked out onto the porch, our sensory light clicking on to illuminate the front yard and the black Acura Integra parked at the curb. She clicked the automatic locks open, loaded everything in, and drove off into the night.

* * *

I slammed my locker shut, feeling freer without the weight of my backpack, my lunch bag in hand as I headed for the cafeteria. Well, the ring of lockers that surrounded it. Finding locker number 218, my locker of choice, I plopped down and opened my brown bag. I hadn’t been very hungry this morning, so I’d only brought a bagel and an apple. The bagel just didn’t speak to me, so I rubbed the apple on my sweatshirt, and took a nice, noisy bite. The fruit juice squirted in my mouth as I chewed. I looked out at the other kids in the cafeteria, making noise laughing and talking as they ate. I was always amused by some of the things I saw and heard. If you asked, I was a fountain of knowledge when it came to the students of Winston High.

"Hey." I looked up to see Haley standing over me.

"Hello." She knelt down.

"Not a big eater, are you?" She nodded at my apple, which I looked at, then shrugged.

"Not real hungry, you know? Besides, how do you know that I didn’t just finish off a seven course meal and this is my dessert?"

"Because I saw you sit down."

"Ah. Okay, so you got me. How was the test?"

"Well, I’m not real sure, yet. We don’t find out until Monday or Tuesday."

"Oh, yeah? Hank is making you guys wait that long?"

"Hank?"

"Rodman."

"Oh. You two are pretty close, then?" I shrugged. "So, um, you guys talk?" She cocked her head to the side a bit, her ponytail falling over her shoulder. I narrowed my eyes, knowing exactly where this was going.

"Maybe."

"Well, you know, if you guys are close, then maybe he’d tell you, you know, what I got."

"So you want to use me for my connections, eh?"

"And your brain."

"Oh, I see how it is." I grinned, shaking my head. "Meet me at his room after school."

"Oh, you are so cool!" She reached out and set her hand on my shoulder. "Thanks, Andi. I just know that having to wonder all weekend would kill me." She smiled, so did I. "Look, there’s got to be something that I can do for you. I mean, you’ve been so wonderful with this whole tutoring thing, and now trying to help out with Mr. Rodman."

"It’s not necessary, Haley, really. It’s not that big of a deal."

"It is to me." She looked at me for a moment, finally taking her hand away from my shoulder. I watched it out of the corner of my eye. "Do you drive?"

"Yes."

"Oh," She looked dejected for just a second. "But I don’t have a car." Instantly brightening again, she smiled.

"If I get an A on this test, I’ll take you to and from school on all the bad days. Rain or snow. How’s that?" I nodded, liking the idea.

"Okay. It’s still not necessary, but alright." A huge smile spread across her face.

"Great! I better get going, but I’ll see you after school, okay?"

"See you." I watched Haley stand and bounce her way back to her friends, who looked at me with obvious questions in their eyes, made more apparent as their heads leaned in to, I’m sure, ask Haley a zillion questions.

"Andi, why on earth should I give this girl her score now? I barely have her test graded." I leaned over Hank’s desk, looking into his eyes, enlarged behind thick glasses.

"Come on, Hank. Just for me. This girl is my protégé, and I want to see how I did." I smiled, and he stared at me for a moment.

"That is the biggest pile of horse shit I’ve ever heard, but it was such a good excuse I’ll do it."

"Oh, man! You’re awesome." I slapped the old science teacher on the back, a huge grin on my face. About then the classroom door opened, and Haley stepped through. She looked from me to Hank, then back at me, hope in her eyes. I nodded, she smiled.

"Okay, Haley. Know this won’t happen with every test, but I’ll go ahead and give you your grade." The teacher said, looking at her over the top of the spectacles.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Rodman. I really appreciate this." Haley heaved the backpack further up onto her shoulder, and walked to stand next to me. I could smell the slight scent of perfume on her sweater. It was too faint for me to be able to tell what it was.

"Miss Corregan," My attention was ripped back to Hank, who was looking at stapled papers in his hand, which I assumed was Haley’s test. "You received a 92." He looked up, pulling his glasses off.

"Yes!" Haley turned to me, sticking her hand up in the air. I slapped it. "Thanks, Andi. You are so awesome." I grinned.

"Thanks. Congratulations." I felt proud for some reason, pleased.

"You heading home now?" Haley asked after thanking the teacher. I nodded. "Come on, I’ll give you a lift."

The drive to my house was nothing compared to the walk, and it seemed that in no time Haley pulled her car into the driveway. She turned to me.

"Thanks again. I’m sure I’ll be in need of your guaranteed services again." I grinned.

"Just give me a call."

* * *

"Charyot!" yelled Sabum Nim Kyung. I stopped immediately, as did my sparing partner, Tracy. We walked to our places on the matt and knelt down to our knees, our eyes downcast out of respect for our teacher. Our Sabum Nim stood before us, arms crossed over his chest as he waited. "Sunbae Nim Andi." My eyes raised to his, and I jumped to my feet, joining him at the front.

"Charyot!" I yelled, the class looking at me. "Remember, championships are coming up in January. You guys must try harder." I looked at the face of each student, most of which I’d known for many years. "Dustin and Kyle, next week you two will be partnered, and I don’t want to see you fall again, Kyle." The twelve year old’s gaze dropped, and he nodded. I turned to my Sabum Nim, and bowed.

"That’s all for today." He clapped his hands, and everyone jumped up and scattered. Tracy walked over to me.

"Nice job today, chief. Your second week as the Sunbae Nim." I grinned, nodding.

"Kind of cool, isn’t it?"

"Well, not really. You could kick just about anyone’s butt in here."

"Yeah, well you’re just jealous. We still on for tonight?" she nodded.

"Yeah. I just need to get showered and changed, and we’re off."

Tracy and I had started in the Kyung dojang at the same time, but she’d left when she was eight when her family moved away. When they came back three years later, she had re-joined. By that time I had moved far ahead of her, starting with Tae Kwon Do at age six. I had earned my third degree black belt over the summer. I was now the senior student, or Sunbae Nim. Tracy was one of my best friends, well, one of my only friends.

"It feels so good to be out of there. Though I have to admit I’m bummed Yoga was cancelled," Tracy said as she steered her Jeep through the streets of our town.

"I know." I said. I ran my hands through my still-damp hair, combing out the strands with my fingers, before they became tangled. "I can’t believe I forgot my brush."

"I told you I had mine. Jeez, what do you think I have?" I glared at her as I continued. "So I hear this movie is supposed to be pretty good."

"I hope so. It’s been so long since I’ve seen anything that was worth watching. The way I see it, if it hurts my brain to watch a movie, it’s just not worth it."

"Well, yeah, but just about everything hurts your brain." Tracy glanced over at me as she turned onto Pacos, the street that would lead to the theater complex.

"This is true."

The place was busy, Tracy having to park near the end of the lot. We made our way through the cars, finally getting to the doors that were open as the line was too much for the lobby to hold. We looked at each other, surprised.

"Oh, boy. Still want to do this, do you?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"We’re staying." Tracy patted my shoulder, knowing how much I hated being in a huge group. "The line will move quickly. I hope."

I looked around, seeing who all had come out for the grand opening of the new Sandra Bullock, Hugh Grant flick. I usually wasn’t a fan of romantic comedies, thinking how stupid they were, and that no one ever acts that way or goes to those extremes for love. Tracy said I was far too cynical for my years, and maybe she was right.

"Hey." I turned to look at Tracy, but saw that she was talking to some guy, so I looked in the other direction, stunned to see Haley smiling at me. She was in line just a little further back, surrounded by her entourage.

"Hi. Fancy seeing you here."

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. What are you here to see?"

"Some Sandra Bullock movie."

"Oh, I hear that’s really cute. I got drug here to see the new J. Lo movie."

"Who?"

"J. Lo? Jennifer Lopez?"

"Oh. The whole J. Lo thing is new to me." I grinned sheepishly.

"Wow, you are out of the loop, aren’t you?" She pulled the ends of her jacket a little closer around her body as the wind began to whip around the theater.

"Well, I do my best." I grinned, so did she.

"Who are you here with?"

"My pal Tracy."

"Huh?" Tracy looked at me, then back at Haley, then back at me with huge eyes.

"Oh. Hello." Haley smiled at my friend. Shyly Tracy waved at her.

"Haley, they’re making two lines. Come on." One of Haley’s friends grabbed her by the sleeve, tugging her away. "Girl, what are you doing?" I heard hissed at her. I didn’t listen for Haley’s response.

"You talk to her?" I turned to see Tracy looking at me expectantly. "Better yet, she talks to you?"

"Gee, thanks. Yes."

"Wow. Call me shocked." The line moved up a bit, and we were finally inside the building. I looked around, trying to not make it obvious, seeing where Haley had gone. She stood with a group of about four or five, all huddled together talking and laughing. She ran her hands through her ponytail, fixing it a bit. I had never seen her with her hair down. It hadn’t occurred to me until just now.

The entire time I’d gone to school, I had been in awe of Haley Corregan. Not only was she popular and beautiful, but she was known for being sweet and kind to everyone. I was finding that to be true. My opinion of her crowd could certainly be higher, but she had gained my respect for the most part. She seemed separate from them, somehow, like even they were out of her league. It was so unfair for one girl to be so talented, a star soccer player, intelligent and unbelievably beautiful. Why was it that just certain people were blessed by the gods with every single attribute? With everything going their way? And why on earth would someone like her hang around with those circus clowns?

"Hello, earth to Andi." Shaken out of my reverie, I looked around to see we were at the front of the line. I reached into my pocket for my money, handing the girl the right amount, and taking my ticket. "Where did you go?" Tracy asked as we headed to the concession stand.

"Oh, nowhere. Just kind of lost in my own thoughts for a second there."

"Yeah, I’ll say. What do you want?"

We ordered our junk food, feeling justified after the workout we’d had in class, and headed into the huge theater, packed with anxious movie-goers. We found two seats as close to the middle as we could. I felt the movie experience wasn’t nearly as good unless I sat as close to the middle as I could. Hey, we all have our things.

The movie ended, we stood to leave.

"Oh, I loved it," Tracy gushed, wiping the tears away from her eyes.

"You are such a sap." I grinned, easing my way into the main aisle as people herded out.

"Yeah, so? Oh, it was just so sweet!" she exclaimed, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

"You’re a nut. Wait for me, will you? I need to go to the bathroom."

"Okay." She sniffled as she headed toward the lobby. I hurried to the ladies room, the large coke I’d had going through me like a funnel. The bathroom, too, was packed as several movies got out at the same time, so I leaned against the tiled wall, waiting for my turn.

"Well, I just can’t get away from you today, can I?" I turned to see Haley lean against the wall next to me. I grinned.

"Sorry about that." She looked confused.

"Why?" Because your friends are assholes?

"Oh, nothing. Just kidding."

"Oh. So did you enjoy your show?" She heaved the strap of the bag she carried, further up her shoulder.

"Not as much as Tracy did." I grinned. "She’s blowing her nose as we speak." Haley chuckled, then indicated that I should move up in line. I slid across the wall.

"Oh, one of those kinds of movies, huh?" She smiled. I nodded.

"Apparently. I liked it, but didn’t really feel the need to cry. What about yours?"

"Well, let’s put it this way, I wish I had gone into yours. I can watch Sandra Bullock any day. But J. Lo? Well, I’m not such a fan. But Ralph Finnes is pretty cute. Pretty green eyes. You don’t see those very often." She narrowed her eyes, and leaned toward me. I stared at her like she was nuts. "You have green eyes." She stood up again, arms cross over her chest. "Huh. I never noticed that. They’re pretty." I, for the first time in my life, blushed, looking away. I hated to be affected by what other people said.

"Um, thanks. Oh, it’s my turn. See you later." I smiled, and hurried to the deserted bathroom stall.

Part 2

I tapped the eraser of my No. 2 on my notebook as I examined my doodle. Art certainly wasn’t in my future, well, if it was I’d put the old adage "starving artist" to all new heights.

Deciding my lopsided housed needed a shrub near the front door, I turned the pencil in my fingers and began to sketch.

THUD!

Nearly squealing in surprise, my head shot up to see a very exasperated Haley looking down at me. I looked to see her one hundred pound backpack sitting on the table where it had been tossed.

"So, were you trying to break the table in half? I’m sure if you do that again, you’ll succeed."

"I’m sorry. I think I scared you." She grinned at me. I looked down at my picture at the long line that was apparently an elongated shrub. I nodded.

"And you’d be right. What’s up?" With a heavy sigh, Haley flopped down in the chair next to me.

"I need help. Are you free? It’s Thursday, your tutoring day, right?" I nodded.

"Yeah, some guy named Kevin Rogers was supposed to show up, and," I glanced at my watch, "he’s really late. So, lucky you." I smiled. "What the problem?"

"Physics lab. I don’t understand this, Andi. I’ve never seen myself as stupid at all. So why am I suddenly now? I swear, something happened over the summer, and suddenly I’m just … stupid." I smiled.

"Let me see." Haley tugged her bag to her, and unzipped it, grabbing the lab book.

"I understand it, well I thought I did, but none of my labs come out right. I don’t get it, Andi."

"Hey, it’s okay." I could see the distress on her face and hear it in her voice. "We’ll work on this, okay?" She nodded, but I still don’t think she fully believed me. "Magnetism, huh?" She nodded again. "It’s not a real easy concept to grasp, so don’t worry."

"You get it."

"I’m a science geek, of course I get it." She smiled. "Okay, what have you done so far with the lab? Did you bring the magnets with you?" She reached into her backpack and drew out the magnets. "Alright. Now, show me what you’ve done so far."

"No, you’ll laugh." I grinned, shaking my head.

"Not at all. I need to see what you’ve done, Haley, and where you’re going wrong." She studied me for a moment, then with a sigh grabbed the magnets.

"You promise you won’t laugh?"

"Of course." She grabbed the textbook from me, reading the instruction, and began to perform the simple experiment. I watched her, amazed that she’d come to me again. Why not Rodman?

"I talked to Mr. Rodman yesterday, and he went over this with me, but unfortunately I guess it didn’t stick."

Oh. I guess she did.

"So I was your last hope, huh?" I grinned. She gave me a mock glare.

"So, are you watching?"

"Yep."

"Okay, so I get this far, they begin to pull, then suddenly they stop. I don’t get it."

"Do it again." I leaned forward, watching carefully. With a nod of my head, I reached into my bag, grabbing the paper I’d just gotten back today in English. I took the paperclip off, and reached over to the magnets that had, once again, stopped in the middle of the experiment. I held the metal clip directly between them, and within two seconds, both raced forward to slam together.

Haley sat back, surprised.

"How did you do that?" she asked, her eyes still on the magnets, tightly snuggled together.

"Well, unfortunately those instructions suck in that book. With these kind of magnets you need a metal component." I pulled the magnets apart, holding the paperclip up to show her. "There isn’t much metal here, but it’s enough." Haley grabbed the clip out of my fingers, looking at it, shaking her head. She looked at me with a grin.

"You’re good." I shrugged the compliment off, beaming inside. She opened her mouth, but I put my hand up to stop her.

"Don’t feel stupid. I’m sure just about everyone in the class is having the same problem." She smiled as she loaded everything back into her bag, fingering the magnets as she looked at me.

"Thanks, Andi. I think I’ll only pass physics this year because of you." I laughed.

"I doubt that, but thanks." Haley stood, lugging the backpack over her shoulder. She stopped and looked at me, narrowing her eyes as a thought occurred to her.

"So, are you done here? For today?" I nodded. "Come on. I’ll give you a ride home."

I looked out the window at the rear of the library. "It’s hardly raining or snowing outside." I looked up at her. She put a hand on her hip.

"Do you want a ride or not?" Without a word I stood, shoving everything into my bag, and following her out of the building.

We drove on in silence for a few minutes, trying not to hit any students who felt the need to wander around the parking lot and driveways of the high school. I shook my head.

"How did they ever make it to this age?" I heard Haley’s chuckle. Finally off grounds, she picked up the speed, and set out for home. On the way we passed a strip known as Grease Lane. Every type of fast food restaurant and pizza joint you could think of lined the street.

"Hey, are you hungry?" I turned to see Haley looking at Carlos’ Pizza Heaven.

"Sure."

I grabbed the oh shit handle above my door, and held on as with a small squeal of tires, we entered the parking lot. I looked at Haley, eyes wide.

"What?"

"How did you make it to this age?" She grinned, and pulled the parking break and turned off the engine.

Pizza Heaven was a place where the kids often came to hang out. I passed here every day on my walk home, and would see the same cars from the school parking lot shooting into this one. I’d almost gotten hit by them a few times.

I felt weird walking in with Haley, knowing we’d run into our peers here. I hadn’t even noticed I was walking a few paces behind Haley until I ran smack into her. I looked up at her, smiling sheepishly.

"You know, you’re not my slave. Feel free to walk with me." I said nothing, but began to walk; this time Haley had to catch up.

It was a seat yourself place, so we found a booth near a window, and sat down, both immediately grabbing a menu.

"So, in the mood for pizza? We could share one." I looked over my menu to see Haley still behind hers. I could just see the very top of her dark eyebrows and forehead.

"Sure. What do you like?" Suddenly those brilliant blue eyes were staring into mine with an intensity.

"Meat. Lots of meat." I grinned, nodded as I set my menu aside.

"Okay. Order up."

The waitress came, and Haley ordered our medium pizza loaded with hamburger, sausage and Canadian bacon. I ordered my usual, Dr. Pepper. Our drinks came, and as Haley sipped her Coke, she stared at me.

"Why don’t you go by your name?" I looked at her, taken aback.

"My name? I do go by my name."

"No, I mean Andrea. That’s what your mom called you, and well, mothers do know best." I shook my head.

"Not this time. I hate that name."

"Why?" She grabbed a napkin out of the table dispenser, and took her gum from her mouth, wrapping it up in a piece of the napkin. I shrugged as I watched her.

"It’s so girly." She smiled as she tucked the wad into the plastic ashtray near the wall.

"Well, you are a girl, Andi."

"Eh," I grabbed the pepper shaker, turning it around in my hands. "Not an Andrea-kind of girl." I really didn’t like the conversation being based on me, and certainly not on my choice to go by Andi. Hell, I understood it, so why should I have to explain myself? "So what about Haley? Where did that come from?"

"My father is an astronomer."

"Ah. The comet, huh?" She groaned and looked away as she nodded.

"Yeah. He’s a little obsessed. My parents felt the need to name my brother and I after their respective careers. I don’t get it." I sipped from my soda.

"What’s your brother’s name?"

"Holden Dante Corregan." I raised my brows in surprise.

"Wow. I guess. So the kid’s a theological cynic?" Haley chuckled.

"More like a pain in the ass, but that works, too."

"How old is he?"

"Fifteen. He just started Winston this year."

"Hey, mine, too." I grinned.

"Really, who’s your brother?"

"Chris Littman."

"Don’t know him."

"Here you go, ladies." The waitress set a steaming pan of pizza down between us, giving us each a plate and fork. "Enjoy."

We both dug in with abandon, savoring every bite of hot, spicy, sauce smothered pizza. Neither of us felt the need to say a word; our only thought was food.

I sat back, having just finished my third piece, knowing full well that Haley had matched me slice for slice, yet she grabbed a fourth.

"Wow, and people say I have a healthy appetite." The only answer I got was a grunt as Haley quickly put it away. I had to admit, I was truly impressed. I had absolutely no idea where she put it all, her thin, well-toned frame gave no secrets away. I knew she probably worked at it like I did, as soccer was on its way in a few months.

Finally she sat back, wiping her mouth, a satisfied look on her face.

"Now, that’s good pizza," she said with a smile, patting her stomach.

"Yeah, I’m getting that impression. Enjoyed it, did you?" She grinned, nodding, pushing her plate away.

"So, Andi."

"Yes, Haley?"

"What is it like to be you?"

"Excuse me?" I nearly spit the soda I’d just drank back into the cup. What an odd question.

"Well, I mean, you’re so different from most of the people we go to school with, you’re just, just, well, unique."

"Oh, so you’re wanting to know what it’s like to be the school wallflower?" She cocked her head to the side, sizing me up.

"You know, I think you could make yourself very known if you wanted to. You’re a smart girl, I think you do it on purpose. Why?"

"Well, you figured me out." I set my cup onto the table, and sat back in the booth. "To put it plain, I think most of the people we go to school with are idiots."

"Well, you are blunt, aren’t you?"

"Why lie?" I shrugged to emphasize my point. "Most, from what I’ve seen, aren’t real serious about their education, and are there because they have to be or their folks would get a nice visit from the cops. They have no interest in bettering themselves, and they’re cruel."

Haley looked at me for a moment, absorbing my words. She played with the straw in her cup, taking it out to chew on the end of it.

"What do you mean cruel?" she asked, her words sounding strange wrapped around the plastic of the straw.

"Well, haven’t you just walked down the halls and watched how they treat each other? Saying terrible things, doing stupid pranks, all the cliques. It drives me nuts. I have one more year left in this hell called high school, then I can head off to college and really start life."

"Wow." Haley put the straw back, and leaned forward. "I had no idea you felt so strongly about it." I shrugged.

"Most don’t, and you asked."

"Hey, hey, don’t get all defensive with me, Andi. I was just curious. I imagine you have very solid reasons behind your views, and are certainly entitled to those."

I looked away, feeling bad, as I know that Haley was friends with most of those that I had just had my rampage about. It wasn’t right for me to go off like that, but I didn’t know what to do about it without making myself look even more like an idiot, so I said nothing. I grabbed my cup, taking a long, slow sip of the cold Dr. Pepper as I thought of what to do or say next.

"So, what about you? What is it like to be on your side of the proverbial tracks?"

"Well, it’s filled with it’s own kind of pressures." She looked at me, "believe it or not."

I smiled, before wiping my face of any expression.

"I have a lot of friends, but I’ve had to work for those, Andi. You and I have different personalities; I love to talk to people, and I’m very open about it. I’ll walk up to anyone and just start chatting. People are people, I just enjoy them for who they are. You know?" I nodded. "I get involved, and that will usually set you up for certain types of friends, unfortunately." I imagine it also helps to be one of the most gorgeous people to walk the earth.

"So, you didn’t like set out at birth to be miss known, and miss popularity?" she shook her head, nose scrunched up.

"God, no. I don’t really care about all that. Hell, Kelly and I have been friends since kindergarten, so we have a lot of history. We just sort of went through everything together. Everything else just kind of gravitated together, all my friends."

I looked at her, surprised by how down to earth she was, how grounded. I had known about Haley Corregan since the day I first started school; she was exceptionally talented, beautiful child from day one. There was not a person under the age of twenty in Winston who didn’t know who she was. I had no idea she was human, and kind. I always had my preconceived notions, most of which are right on, about her crowd, and the way they treated everyone. I had had my own run-ins with a few members of the pop clique.

"Would you like to see how the other side lives?" I was torn from my thoughts, pulled back to the pizza place and stared at her.

"Huh?"

"Great answer." She grinned. "I said, would you like to go out with me tomorrow night?"

"Um, where?"

"There’s a party at Brad Martin’s house, his folks are gone again." She rolled her eyes. "One of these days he’s going to get so busted. Anyway, want to go?"

Brad Martin, as in cutest guy in four counties, ex-boyfriend of Haley, biggest asshole in four states.

"Um, sure?" No! I couldn’t believe I’d just said that. I don’t want to, don’t make me! My inner voice was squashed by my politeness and curiosity.

"Really? You’ll go?" I nodded dumbly, internally beating myself senseless. The biggest smile spread across Haley’s face. "Who knows, maybe you’ll see they’re all not so bad."

Famous last words.

* * *

I pulled the black tank over my head, and then pulled up my satin soccer shorts. Running my hand though my hair as I headed downstairs to where my bag and practice mats were. It was late Thursday, but I was wide awake as I thought of tomorrow night. Why did I agree to this? I despised parties of any kind, certainly those hosted illegally by some half-wit who played off his looks to get through life.

I guess what it boiled down to was I had little to no respect for so many of Haley’s friends, and it made me sad, as she was proving herself to be a fine person.

I stood in the center of my mats in the basement, my eyes closed as I readied myself to my workout. I began to breathe deep and even as I cleared my head, bringing my focus and concentration to its fullest and purist point.

Eyes still closed, I began to slowly, smoothly move through the room, heading for the targets I had scattered around the room, using force of mind and body to find them, striking out with feet, legs, hands and arms, flipping to avoid the oncoming attack by my imaginary foe, dodging his punches and kicks with skill borne of eleven years of practice and work.

I felt the satisfying, solid smack of the bag against my wrist as I swung. In real life it would have hit my opponent square in the neck, bringing them to their knees.

"Ha!" I yelled out, as I struck again, rolling out of the way to spring up and hit the pad behind me.

I could feel the energy running through my body like a surge of electricity through the wires to power an entire city.

Breathing heavily, sweat streaming into my eyes, I headed to the wet bar in the corner and the tiny refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water. Plopping down on one of the bar stools, I allowed my body to relax, the water running through me like a built in air conditioner, cooling me down.

Draining the bottle, I crushed it in my hand and tossed it into the trash as I headed back upstairs, running the back of my hand across my eyes to wipe the sweat out. It was late, nearly midnight, and I was exhausted.

Taking a quick shower, I slid into bed, dead to the world within seconds.

* * *

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!

"Grrrrr," I reached out, smacked my alarm silent. I hated that noise. The sun wasn’t even up yet, so why should I be? I turned over to lie on my stomach and bury my face in my pillow. It was Friday, and that’s always good.

With a groan, I managed to drag my butt out of the warmth that is my bed, clicked off the electric blanket. The cold morning air breezed against my naked skin as I padded over to the window. The grass and roofs had a thin, white glaze over it, obviously from a light snow over night. Halloween was a week away, and yet you’d think Thanksgiving was next Saturday.

With a shiver running down my spine, goosebumps erupted allover my body, I hurried to my bathroom and a hot shower.

Dressing in jeans, a tank - never leave home without it - and a sweater, I was armed to face the day and my English test.

I had been blessed, or cursed, by a very high tolerance for cold. I knew that by the time I got to school I would already be too hot for the sweater, and it would find its new home around my waste until lunch when I started to get cold again for about an hour, then off it would go. Nice to be predictable, I suppose.

I enjoyed my early morning walks, they were invigorating and peaceful. The sun was beginning to show its face above the houses and illuminate the land around me. Flurries were beginning already, and I knew by time I walked home this afternoon there’d be measurable snow on the ground.

I walked up to the building as the bell sounded and I hurried to my locker to grab my books for my first two classes.

* * *

I was not in a good mood as I left my AP English class, the test behind me. I did well, but I really had to work at it. English was in no way, shape or form my strong spot, nor did I pretend it was. I headed to my locker again, dumped off my books and grabbed my lunch. Today we’d have a good old fashion turkey and Swiss sandwich and an orange.

Finding locker 218, I slid down to the floor, brown lunch bag to one side, my novel to the other. As I got settled, bringing my sweater over my head and stretching my arms though, I watched the others, calling out to each other, waiting in line for a hot lunch, or the guys throwing food at each other. My eyes automatically scanned toward the middle of the lunch room to the rowdiest table of them all. There she was, leaning over as she tried to listen to something Kelly told her. Haley sat back, laughing as she dug her fork into her lunch. For just a moment I wondered what had been said, and what it felt like to have that kind of camaraderie.

But just for a moment.

I took the sandwich from it’s clear plastic baggie, and began to eat as I read, chewing slowly as I became further and further involved in the story and its characters.

"Hey." My head shot up, eyes wide.

"You know, I think you have this weird sort of sick desire to sheer off as many years of my life as you can." Haley grinned.

"Sorry. Maybe if you didn’t get so involved in," she lifted the book in my hand to see the title, "‘Bag of Bones,’ you’d hear me." I glared, put my book aside. "I didn’t know you were into Stephen King."

"I’m guessing there’s a whole bunch of stuff you don’t know about me."

"This is true. Well, one less mystery, I suppose." She smiled at me as she knelt down. "Well, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be picking you up at seven-thirty tonight. Cool?" I nodded. Just when I’d hoped she had forgotten.

"Okay. I’ll be ready."

"You sure about that?" She wiggled her eyebrows. "It is going to the dark side, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. I’m sure it will be a hoot." Her face sobered.

"Andi, if you don’t want to go,"

"No, Haley, really." I put a smile on my face. "I’m looking forward to it."

"Really?" She brightened again. I nodded.

"Yeah, completely."

"Great. I’ll see you then, okay?" She stood, "Oh, I won’t be able to give you a ride home tonight. I have to leave early for the dentist."

"Hey, no problem." I smiled reassuringly. "I’d rather walk in the snow than go to one of those evil creatures, so I’d say I still have the long end of this stick." She grinned and walked away.

* * *

The leaves had begun to change on the trees at the end of September, so now the trees were nearly bare as the snow fell, gentle, large flakes of white to cover the ground and houses. Already there was a good four inches on the ground, and it didn’t look like it was going to stop soon. Eight to twelve inches were expected by tonight.

"Hi, honey." I was met by a monster hug at the door by my mom.

"Hey," I returned the hug, missing it as she’d been working double shifts for the past week. I had spoken with her once since Monday night. I stomped the snow off my shoes at the front door as my mom took my backpack from me.

"My god, how all you kids aren’t permanently lopsided I’ll never understand." She heaved the bag to the couch, and turned back to me with a smile. My eyes narrowed as I made my way to the kitchen.

"Why does it look like you just ate a monstrously tasty canary?" I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of sunny delight, popped the top and guzzled half.

"Well, Clive asked me out again." She jumped up to sit on the counter, lightly banging her heels against the cabinet below. I took notice of this before my eyes raised to her face, which was glowing.

"Happy news." She nodded.

"We’ll see how it goes this time. Here," she reached for my drink, which I gave to her. After taking a large sip, she handed it back.

"Has he left Diane yet?" My mother sighed, looking down at her hands. I felt like a shit. "I’m sorry, mom. I didn’t mean to stomp all over your news." I walked over to her and hugged her, giving her a huge smile. "I’m really happy for you. You need to have some fun, and you deserve it. If it’s meant to work out with Clive, it will." She looked up at me, smiling.

"Thanks, honey. I’m just lonely, I guess. He’s a good guy, just can’t quite make up his mind. I’m not looking for another ring, honey. Just someone to do things with, you know?" I nodded.

"Well, then I think it’s great. I know you guys have a ton of fun, and if that’s what you’re after, then I’d say you’re getting it."

"Thanks, babe." She hopped down from the counter and hugged me. "So what’s on your agenda for tonight? Another Playstation marathon?" she smiled. "Chris is over Brian’s again."

"Oh, well, I have a party to go to." Her eyes opened in surprised.

"Really? Where?"

"Well, it’s at a guy from school’s house, and I’m going with Haley."

"The girl who flipped over my brownies,"

"That would be her." She patted my shoulder.

"Well be careful, honey. If you drink, please be smart about it."

"Oh, don’t worry. You know I’m not into all that."

"You weren’t into parties, either. You are a normal kid, Andrea, whether you allow yourself to be or not. I expect that. Just be smart."

"Thanks."

Alone in my room, I sat at my computer to check my email. I had three hours to kill before Haley would be here, and I had no idea what to do with myself. What does one wear to a high school party? What’s expected of you? Do you bring anything? The last party I had been to was in Mrs. Smuther’s class in fifth grade. We had had to bring cookies for the entire class on the last day, our graduation from elementary school. Somehow I don’t think bringing a batch of Pillsbury’s would do it.

Reading an email message from my Sabum Nim for an earlier class tomorrow, I played a game of Literati with some unknown person sitting at their computer, probably in Japan or something.

I hated when I felt this way, a million choices of things to keep my occupied, yet nothing appealed. I played the computer game out of boredom, not any real need to get my ass kicked. I felt restless, nervous, full of energy, but wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed and hide. There was no way I could skip out on this; Haley had been so nice, and it just wasn’t right. Plus, it had seemed to me that she was really excited for me to go. Was it all a ruse? Had she invited me only for me to find that I was the party favor? The entertainment for the masses? What better fun than to play Pin the Tail On Andi.

Running my hands nervously through my hair, I sighed. Why, oh why did I agree? Never in my life had I given in to peer pressure. Why now? And for such a stupid thing.

"I’m disappointed in you, Andi." I muttered, ending my game of Literati and turning the computer off.

A workout, yeah, that would be good.

* * *

I stepped out of the shower, steam rolling through the air all around me as I wrapped my body in a towel. I sat on the closed toilet seat, grabbing a comb to attempt to rid my hair of the tangles that inevitably took hold.

It had been wise to work out, the exertion relaxing me and clearing my head. This was not the end of the world, and I was doing it to be nice to a nice person, plain and simple. This was one night out of my life, and though I’d never get the time back, I never had to do it again.

Yeah, maybe you’ll believe all this crap someday.

With a sigh I stood, dried myself off and brushed my teeth. I wanted, for some reason, to look my best. I wanted to make some sort of a statement, though I had no clue what that was. I had decided earlier that I would dress as I normally do, a tank and jeans, though these jeans would actually fit me, unlike the ones I wore to school, which were about a size or two too large for me. I always felt a need to hide myself from the judging eye of my peers, never allowing them to see what I was really made of.

I smoothed my hands down my tank, which was tucked into my button flies. It was green and ribbed, hugging my form well. I looked at my hair, still damp, but falling into place. I wore my blue and green Nikes, and was ready to go. I’d take a jacket with me, but one that could easily tie around my waist.

The clock told me it was seven-twenty six, so Haley would be here any moment. I decided to chat with my mom, who would be leaving at eight, to help further calm me.

"Well, look at you, honey." She smiled when I walked into her bedroom where she was carefully applying make-up at her vanity table. She was such a pretty woman naturally, I never understood the need for that stuff. My skin had never touched it, nor would it.

"Thanks. I decided to go casual." I sat on the end of her bed, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

"Oh, is that what it’s called? I thought what you wore to school was casual."

"Nah, that’s called sloppy."

"Oh. Thanks for the clarification." She smiled at me. I leaned back, holding myself up on my elbows.

"So where are you two lovebirds going?"

She sighed, closing her compact and grabbing a tube of lipstick.

"I think to dinner and then a show, but I’m not sure. He’s being vague."

"Well, maybe then he has something special in mind, eh?" My mom shrugged with a smile.

"Maybe."

Downstairs I heard the doorbell.

"Your limo’s here." My mom said, turning on the seat.

"Yeah." I stood, kissing her on the cheek. "You guys have fun and be careful."

"You, too, honey. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Haley stood on the front porch wrapped up in a heavy winter jacket.

"I take it you’re a little cold." I grinned as I opened the door.

"You could say that." She looked me over, seeing the heavy, hooded sweat jacket covering the tank. "Are you going to freeze in that?"

"Nope. I’ll be fine."

"Okay. Ready?"

As I’ll ever be. "Yep."

The Martin house was large, which was not a surprise. Brad’s parents were some of the wealthiest residents of Winston. Cars lined the streets, and loud music could be heard pounding out of every possible crevice. The first two of the three stories were completely lit up as figures moved in front of the windows, people milling about outside, or heading in.

People we passed said hi to Haley, or stopped to chat for a second, all the while looking at me with unasked questions in their eyes. I was actually shocked by how many times I got looked up and down and leered at. That was new.

Finally we made our way into the house, bodies pulsing everywhere, dancing, talking, laughing, drinking.

Here we go.

"Hey, girl! There you are." Haley’s arm was grabbed, and I turned to see it was Kelly. She smiled at her friend, then looked at me, brows drawing in confusion. She looked at Haley, but before she could say anything, Haley chimed in.

"This is Andi Littman. She came with me." Eyes still narrowed and suspicious, Kelly nodded and turned to the group she was talking with. "Come on," Haley said, tugging me with her to join in. I looked around the group, recognizing all the faces who seemed to find mine most interesting. Tommy Gauna smiled at me, his blue eyes twinkling. He’s always seemed nice to me, though as gay as the day is long. He knew more about fashion and dressing than Ivana Trump. Brad Martin stood with his arm around his latest squeeze, Katie Heinz, also with eyes on me, though they seemed to travel a bit further down than Tommy’s did.

"So, are you new here?" I turned to see Heather Michaels standing next to me, a beer in her hand. "I mean, I’ve heard you’re a transfer."

"No. I’ve been around." I shouted, trying to be heard above the newest song, three times louder than the last.

"Wow. I’ve never seen you before." I just smiled. Losing interest, she turned to the crowd, joining in whatever they were laughing about. I looked to Haley, not wanting to hang on to her like a puppy, but it felt better knowing where she was at all times.

"Are you okay?" she asked after awhile, bending down to be heard. I nodded. "I’m sure this is boring as hell, why don’t you go mingle? There’s plenty of people here." She indicated the full house, and more people pouring through the door as it got later. I nodded with a forced smile.

Truth of the matter was I was bored out of my mind! I walked around with the untouched drink that someone had handed me, in my hand. I had no idea what it was, and sure as hell wasn’t about to find out.

Throbbing bodies were everywhere, getting more and more amorous with the larger intake of liquor. My god. Did these things eventually turn into super-sized orgies? I just wanted to find a place where only I was, and not a bunch of sweaty, smelly bodies. I was also tired of getting propositioned by guys I’d never seen before. I was beginning to think wearing these clothes was a mistake. Better to hide it all.

I found my way up the stairs and saw a slew of closed doors on either side of the hall, and figured that just about any one of those would make a great hideaway.

Reaching out, I tried the knob of the first door to find it locked. Okay, one down, seven to go. The next was unlocked, but when I opened it, I was struck dumb. A girl lay completely naked on the bed, the guy trying to quickly tug at his shirt, his pants already halfway down his legs, his intent quite clear, and quite large.

Oh, god.

I quickly closed the door, trying to not bring any attention to me, or disturb the lovers. I didn’t want that guy anywhere near me with that thing. I made my way to the very last door at the end of the hall when it opened and a girl stepped out. She gave me a crooked, sloppy smile as she stumbled past me. I watched to see if she’d even remain standing to the stairs or if she’d collapse into a pile of alcoholic goo. Nope, she made it. Darn.

I walked into the room, clicking the light on to see I was in a bathroom, empty, peopleless, and vomit smell free.

With a sigh, I sat on the toilet, setting my cup of whatever on the counter. I didn’t have to go to the bathroom, but what a great way to hide. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the shower door. This was madness. Why did anyone come to these things on purpose? It was pointless, was absolutely no fun, and was very destructive from what I’d seen done to Brad’s house so far.

I heard the knob rattle, thanking every god I could think of that I locked it. Then the person began to knock.

"Busy," I yelled. The pounding stopped for a minute before I heard someone whine.

"Come on, I gotta go." I chuckled. Why on earth hadn’t I thought to bring a video camera as blackmail? Such a lost opportunity.

"You’ll have to wait. Gotta big one on the way," I yelled again. Let them try to decipher that in their drunk mind.

I finally made my way downstairs, figuring a half an hour was about all I would get away with. I spotted Haley and her entourage and walked over to them.

"There you are. I’ve been looking for you," she said. "Are you okay?" I nodded.

"Yeah, I’m fine. What’s up?"

"Well, my friend Ryan was looking for you."

"Who?"

Haley turned away, and began to scan the crowd. She spotted whoever, and yelled over to him. Within a few moments a tall, good-looking blonde guy was looking at me.

"Hey," he said with a grin. I gave him a small wave. "I saw you earlier, and um, wanted to know if you wanted to dance?"

Oh, boy. I looked at Haley to see her grinning at me like a proud mother. She gave me a thumbs up. Yay, she approves.

"Um, sure." He grinned again, and lead me to a somewhat clear spot of the floor. He began to dance, and I stood there feeling like an inept idiot, and looking much like one, I’m sure, but soon enough I found the beat and joined in. He actually was a cutie, and a nice guy. He told me all about playing on the baseball team for Winston, and how great it felt to win "the big one" last year, and how much he looked forward to training come spring. I also heard all about how he had just bought himself his dream car, a 1983 Camaro and how he was rebuilding it with his dad, and that I should go for a ride in it sometime. I nodded politely, absolutely no interest in riding in his anything.

"Can I have your number?"

"Sure." What!? Shit. I had only been half listening to him. Now I was stuck.

"Great!" He reached into his back pocket to take his wallet out, and brought out a receipt to write on. "Do you have a pen on you?" I looked down at myself.

"Where would I keep it?" He grinned, nodded, holding up a finger to tell me he’d be right back. I stayed where I was, beating myself for not the first time that day. Within a few seconds he was back.

"Okay, what is it?" Instead of attempting to yell over the party, I took the paper and pen from him and wrote it down, grimacing with every number.

"Here you go." He looked at it, then smiled.

"Thanks. I’ll call you soon." I nodded with a smile. Yeah, you do that.

He told me he was leaving, offering to take me home. I quickly got out of that trap, and headed back to Haley. She still stood with her friends, all of them, except her, getting more and more loaded. Heather actually looked sick. When I joined the group, Haley turned to me with a grin.

"So, how did it go?" I shrugged, noncommittal.

"Okay."

"Just okay? He’s really cute, and a really nice guy, and it just went okay?" Shrug. Haley shook her head. "Look, these three here are getting pretty wasted, and I think they should get home. I can either leave you here and pick you up after I drop them off, or take you with me now and get you home and out of your living hell." She smiled, and I looked down, feeling sheepish.

"Um, I’ll go now." I looked up at her, hoping she wasn’t mad. From the understanding look on her face, I knew it was okay. She turned back to the group, and said her goodbyes, disentangling Heather from the guy she was making out with. Wow, she was so gone.

So, Haley, Kelly, Heather and Meghan and I headed outside. I had never been so excited to see Haley’s car in all my life. Now I understood why I had never gone to a party before, and never would again.

Kelly went for the front passenger seat, and Haley said nothing, so I climbed in the back with Heather crammed between me and Meghan. She turned to me, looking into my eyes.

"Hi." She smiled. I was nearly suffocated by the amount of alcohol on her breath. I smiled.

"Hello."

"I like you." Heather grinned, looking like a six-year-old, her long, brown hair in her eyes. She tried to blow it away, but all she succeeded in doing was blowing more obnoxious breath into my face. Coughing quietly, I turned to look out the window at the passing winter wonder land. Haley and Kelly talked quietly in the front, and Meghan had fallen asleep, her face pressed to the window. Heather began to sing, well she tried to, anyway, songs from the night. I felt like I was in a funhouse with no door.

"I’m gonna be sick," my attention was whipped back to the car at those four slurred words. I looked at Heather as her head bobbed with the bumps in the road.

"We’re almost there, hon," Kelly told her friend, reaching back between the front seats to rub her knee.

"I’m gonna be sick, Kel," Heather said again, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth.

"Maybe you should stop, Haley," Kelly said. With a screech of breaks, I opened my door, and helped Heather to the side of the road. She bent over, arms crossed over her stomach, hair hanging all around her. I grabbed it and brought it all back in one hand at the base of her neck as she began to wretch in the snow. I couldn’t look, the sound and smell was bad enough to make my own stomach churn.

Tears began to flow down her cheeks as she stood again, leaning against me.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly. She nodded. "Want to get back into the car?" Again she nodded. I helped her in, buckling her seatbelt before I got myself in. I saw Haley through the rearview mirror, looking at me. As I looked back, she smiled. So did I.

* * *

"So, how do you feel?" Haley asked as I got settled in the front seat, thrilled to be with only one person instead of a hundred.

"Oh, I’m okay. Glad to be heading home." I smiled at her, and she looked at me for a second before turning back to the road as we pulled away from Kelly’s house.

"Yeah, I bet. I’m really sorry to have dragged you there tonight."

"Nah," I waved off her apology. "It was a learning experience."

"I bet." She smiled, taking a right turn onto Cleft Road that would lead to my neighborhood. "Also, thanks for helping out with Heather. I really appreciate that, and if she knew her own name right now, I’m sure she would, too." I chuckled.

"It’s okay. She just had a little too much fun."

"Yeah, she always has a little too much fun. I really worry about her sometimes." She was quite for a moment, the radio a quite distraction in the background. The streets were nearly empty as two a.m. approached. "So what did you think of Ryan?"

"He’s nice. Cute. Likes his car and baseball." She smiled, nodding.

"That he does." She paused. "So, if this isn’t your thing, what is? What do you do other than study and doodle lopsided houses?" I grinned, embarrassed.

"Well, not a whole lot. I’m a pretty self-entertaining kind of person, you know?"

"Sure, but there’s got to be something you do that I understand." She glanced at me.

"Hmm, well, I enjoy Playstation." Laughter filled the car as she looked at me just before pulling into my driveway.

‘Well, I don’t think I would have pegged you for a video game fanatic, but I guess it’s possible."

"Hey, when you have a younger brother who gets cooler stuff than you do, you’re bound to start taking it over, you know?" She nodded, turning to me.

"Listen, I’m sorry you didn’t have fun. Maybe we’ll have to try something more along the lines of what you enjoy next time." I smiled, nodding.

"Okay." I figured there wouldn’t be a next time, so I didn’t worry. I’m sure after tonight Haley thought I was even more of a geek than she did before.

"Sleep well, Andi."

"Thanks, you too."

"Oh, I plan to hit the pillow and die."

"Please don’t. You’ll get me out of the tutoring business." She grinned, and pushed me on the shoulder.

"Get out of here." I smiled, and opened the door.

"Drive safe."

"Will do. Bye, Andi."

"Bye."

I closed the car door, and hurried to the house, so unbelievably excited to be home. I craved a shower to get the stench of party of me. With one last look over my shoulder, I saw Haley’s tail lights as she headed down the road.

Part 3

I flopped down on the couch, exhausted after trials, not even enough energy to shower and change at the dojang. The stiff material of my dobok rubbed against my skin, rubbing it the wrong way as the cold air helped chafe my sweaty skin. I stood, pulling the ends of my ti tighter around my waist, forever thrilled with the golden reminders of my advancement in Tae Kwon Do, three vertical lines representing each degree of my black belt. I’d earned those after eleven years, and was damn proud of them.

I sighed heavily, so tired, and headed for the stairs.

Ding Dong

"Honey, can you get that, please? We’re really getting the trick-or-treaters this year," my mom called from the kitchen where she was washing dishes. With a low growl, I headed for the front door, the huge bowl of candy waiting on the small table just inside the door. I grabbed it and opened the door I’d just closed five minutes before. I pasted a smile on my face, always enjoying the kids and their wacky costumes. I wondered what the craze would be this year; Pokemon, I heard He-Man was coming back.

The door swung open, letting in a whoosh of frigid air and moisture, and I looked at the four smiling M&M’s that looked up at me.

"Trick or treat!" they yelled in unison. I chuckled, then seeing familiar blue eyes, raised a brow.

"Aren’t you a little old to be doing this, Haley?" A round of giggles brought the human candies to their feet from kneeling, hands extended with bags open for their treat. "So what’s the trick?" I looked at the other three, trying to figure out who they were. Meghan’s dark skin, though painted orange to match her M&M color gave her away. So, I imagined red was Kelly, and Heather took the green. My eyes found the blue candy, and I grinned, shaking my head.

Meghan looked at me, grinning. "So, what are you? The Karate Kid?" Another round of giggles. I rolled my eyes.

"So do we get any?" Haley asked, nodding toward the bowl in my hand. Deciding to play along, I grabbed a bite-sized Snickers, and looked at Heather, putting a very sweet, but extremely patronizing look on my face.

"Okay, now you can only have one, okay? Make sure your mommy looks through all your candy to make sure none of it is poisoned." The candy bar dropped into her bag with a small thunk. I was surprised to see just how fat all their plastic grocery bags were. They each thanked me in turn, then turned and headed down the sidewalk to the street. I watched them, a smile on my face that I couldn’t contain. At the end of the sidewalk, the blue M&M turned and waved, then disappeared beyond the light of the porch.

* * *

I smacked my lips with pleasure as my head hit the pillow, so soft and wonderful after a long day of sparring and trying to make students who were trying for the next belt, better than they ever thought possible. My trials were in January for my fourth degree, and I was nervous.

Without another thought, I escaped to the darkness of sleep.

For a while.

Ring… ring… ring…

"Wha, no, I don’t wann, shit!" My eyes popped open remembering suddenly that my mom was on the late shift, and praying that nothing had gone wrong. "Hello?" I nearly barked into the phone.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" I jerked away from the loud voice, staring at the receiver in my hand like it was a snake.

"Who is this?"

"Star child, of course." The words were slurred, but I could tell the speaker was trying her best to keep them straight.

"Who?"

"Anli, it’s me." My brows drew, but then it hit me.

"Haley?"

"Uh huh." I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as I glanced at the clock; two-thirty four in the morning. "Anli, I need a fav, fa, favor." Sounding like her tongue had grown about four sizes too big, I chuckled.

"Okay. What’s that?"

"I didn’t mean to get so thrunk. My ma and pa, don’t wanna see them like that." I chuckled again. Wow, some seriously great blackmail material right here. "Please, pick us up an find me a bed?"

I glanced at the clock again, closing my eyes with a silent groan. I just want bed! With a sigh I agreed. Luckily mom and her best friend, Sandra, carpool when they both work the nightshift, so I had the car.

"Thanks, buckaroo." Haley managed around her apparently monstrous tongue.

I hung up the phone and flicked on my lava lamp on my nightstand, sending out a bright, orange glow to the room as I got dressed in a pair of flannel pants and a sweatshirt, pulling on shoes as I headed downstairs. I could see the snow coming down as I opened the garage door, a small drift piled against the large door. I always loved to plow through those, making nice, readable tracks in the snow.

The dome light popped on when I unlocked the door, and climbed in. Brrrr. Quickly I got the engine going, and turned the heat on high, though it probably wouldn’t warm up until I got to the house where the party was. The night was so still as I drove down the streets of my neighborhood, the houses dark and quite except for the occasional porch light or upstairs lamp. I ran a hand through my hair, which I imagined was sticking up in interesting ways as short hair tends to do, and thought about where I was going. Why me? Out of all the people at Winston that must have a car, Haley called me.

I began to leave the city lights behind me, the party at an old farmhouse that belonged to somebody’s grandparents, that was out in the middle of nowhere, no lights, very few street signs. Why in the world was I doing this? It was nearly three in the morning, I was cold, tired, and damn near lost. I glanced at the paper where I had hastily written out the address and directions a very drunk Haley had given me, and looked to see if I could connect the dots somewhere with the landmarks I had been given in lieu of actual streets.

"Haley, you are so dead if I die out here." I muttered as I slowed the car down when a building popped up out of the darkness. Okay, that must be the barn with the white sign over the door. Well, at least I’m on the right track. She said to look for a massive bonfire, and I’d have the place.

The snow continued to fall at an alarming rate, looking like we’d have quite the white blanket by morning. With only my headlights illuminating my way, it was incredible, like flying through space in hyper drive as the white flakes flew at the car, bouncing off the windshield, only to be replaced by another as they disappeared into the night.

I drove on, the heat finally beginning to kick in, so I turned on the radio. Grimacing, I quickly changed the channel from my mom’s station, cow dung, USA. I just wasn’t a fan of country music. No one can have that horrible of a life all the time. I mean, your wife left you, your dog died, but crapped on the rug before he did. I don’t buy it.

Switching through, I landed on the beginning of some song that I didn’t recognize, so I left it. As long as it wasn’t Britney Spears or rap, I was cool with it. Well, and there was no twang. The woman began to sing of undying love and desire, the power of it all and how it took over her body. Rolling my eyes, a smirk made its way across my face as I changed the station yet again.

Up ahead I saw something glowing, and a smile replaced the smirk. Looks like a bonfire if I’ve ever seen one. And it looked so warm. There were few cars there, yet tracks everywhere. Everyone seemed to have the same idea of getting home. As I got further into the yard, I saw four figures huddled together, and I couldn’t help but chuckle, knowing they were the drunk quartet that I was here for.

I pulled up beside them, and pulled to a stop, rolling the passenger window down, and leaning over the seat.

"You ladies need a lift?" They looked up, and puffs of white breath blew out as they smiled in their excitement. I wondered if the cold had sobered them up at all.

"Hey." Haley yanked open the front door, and the other three stuffed their costumed selves into the back seat, trying to fit with their huge M&M costumes making them all about twice their usual size. It was quite a sight. "Thanks, buddy," Haley slurred, half her face still painted blue, the other side, who knew what had happened to the make-up. I didn’t really want to think about it.

"No problem. Everyone in?" I looked behind my shoulder to the back seat to see the other three chocolate candies huddled again, well, as best they could. I turned back around before busting out in a full laugh, and got us heading home.

I turned the radio up a little to absorb the silence, and the heat up to warm up my cargo. If only I had one of those nifty little pine tree things hung on my rearview mirror; the stench of alcohol was palpable. Everyone behaved for the most part until Kelly decided she really liked the song on the radio, and decided that the need to sing along, loudly and badly, was just too overwhelming for her. That in itself would not have been so bad, but when the other three chimed in, I wanted to pull over to the side of the road and leave them for snowmen.

Glancing over at Haley, I saw her mouth open wide, eyes squeezed shut as she added her own wail. She looked at me, her mouth slamming shut, and the cutest, most innocent grin replacing the notes.

"Hi."

"Hello." I smiled back.

"How are ya?" Chuckling, I nodded.

"Doing okay. How about yourself? Did you have fun at the party?" I glanced at her again, not daring to take my eyes off the icy streets for minute. I had been driving for exactly five months, and didn’t feel real comfortable in this sort of weather.

"I did. Shush!" she yelled, startling me, but her buddies all stopped their warbling, looking at her with stricken eyes. For just a moment I almost felt bad, but for just a moment. My ears had stopped ringing. "Some guy thought I was a peanut M&M, and wanted to know how many licks it took to get to the peanutty center." She began to giggle. "I tol’ him that I wasn’t a Tootsie Pop." This, apparently, was quite funny for her as she erupted into a fit of laughter.

I bit my lip to not laugh and encourage her silliness; she was doing quite fine on her own. She seemed a little more sober then when she’d called at two-thirty, but still pretty gone.

"Okay, Meghan, home, sweet home." I looked back at the three Stooges to see all three sound asleep. "Shit." I turned to Haley. "Stay." The night was freezing as I hurried to the back door, pulling it open, and having to catch Meghan before she fell out onto the street. I strained under her weight. She definitely didn’t look like she weighed this much. "Meghan?" With a groan I pushed her back into the car, lightly slapping her cheeks to wake her. Dark eyes opened, her orange make-up mostly rubbed off to reveal her smooth, dark skin. She looked at me, the whites of her eyes nearly glowing in the darkness of the car. She smiled, big and sloppy.

"Hey,"

"Hey, there. Come on, you’re home."

"Oh, yay!" She clapped her hands together, pushing herself up on shaky legs, using me and the car for balance as she nearly fell on her butt on a patch of ice. I helped her to the front door, grabbing her purse from her to dig her house keys out.

"Here you go, Meghan."

"Oh, thanks, lady." She smiled again, taking the keys from me, trying to find the right one. Finally, miraculously, she did, and got the door open, nearly falling inside the house. At that point I didn’t care. She was at home and safe. Let her get her own ass to bed. I hurried back to the car to drop off the rest of the girls.

The car was quiet, me behind the wheel, and a sleeping Haley in the passenger seat. I had managed to get Kelly and Heather home with little effort as the booze was beginning to wear off, and sleep began to take over. I glanced over at my passenger as I headed to her house. She looked so peaceful as she slept, her head turned so she was facing me, head bobbing slightly with the bumps the car took from the road. Her foam costume was billowed up around her chest and shoulders, giving her an ample comfy spot to rest her chin. It was amusing.

"Haley, hey, wake up." The engine turned off as I parked in front of her house, I gently slapped her. Blue eyes opened to look at me for a moment before sitting up and looking around. I saw a hand absently go to her mouth to wipe away some drool that had gathered in the left corner.

"Oh, Andi, I can’t go here." My brows drew as I glanced up at the house.

"Why?"

"I, um, I don’t want my folks to see me like this." She grinned, lopsided, but she seemed to be mostly with it. "Can you take me to a motel or something?"

"Oh. Well," I sighed, forgetting she’d told me that on the phone. Well, the truth of the matter was I hadn’t taken her real seriously. She was wasted, after all. Turing the car on, I pulled away. "I know a place."

The house was still dark as my mom hadn’t returned home yet, and Chris was long asleep.

"Be quiet." I whispered as I helped Haley up the stairs, trying to avoid any serious cotastrophies with the furniture. I pushed her into my bedroom and closed the door before I turned the light on. How I wished I had a basement bedroom. I didn’t want Chris waking up or my mom finding Haley here. I wasn’t sure what she’d say to this.

Haley stumbled into the room, looked at me for a moment, then slid down to sit in a blue heap on the floor. I smiled, staring down at her.

"Do you think maybe you should let your parents know where you are?" I crossed my arms over my chest, nodding toward the phone laying on the side table. She glanced at it, then up at me, her eyes red-rimmed and bleary, then nodded. I grabbed the phone and handed it to her. She dialed, cleared her throat, and waited.

"Hey, I’m sorry to wake you, dad, but I just wanted to let you know that I decided to stay over at a friends house tonight." I watched, absolutely amazed at how she was able to hide the fact that she was totally drunk, and about to fall asleep in the middle of my floor. Her eyes drooped further and further down with every second that ticked by. "Okay. I love you, too. Sure. Goodnight." She clicked the phone off, and plopped back onto the floor, her M&M costume rising up to nearly cover her face.

"Okay, you. Let’s get you into bed." I pulled her up by her arms, hauling her to her feet as I reached for the covers on my bed, pushing them back so I could push her in. She plopped down on the bed, bouncing slightly on the mattress as I knelt down to unlace and remove her shoes, and help her get the foam costume off to reveal a blue body suit underneath. Figuring she’d be fine in that, I brought her legs to the bed, and looked at her to see she’d fallen back against the pillow, sound asleep.

Out of breath from the effort, I brought the blankets up and tucked them around her shoulders and under her chin. I stood, stared down at her. She was breathing deeply and evenly, gone to the world for this night.

With a sigh, I hurried to the linen closet in the hall, grabbed two sleeping bags, and made myself a bed on the floor next to the bed. I wrapped my arms around the pillow, glanced at the clock to see it was nearly five in the morning, and closed my eyes.

* * *

I saw him coming, fast and mean as I tried to dodge, roll out of the way as his foot got closer and closer to my face…

"Wake up." My eyes shot open, and I turned to see Haley leaning over me. I turned to my back from my side, and cringed as a pain shot up my back. What the? Then I remembered I’d spent the night on the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment as I tried to get my bearings. I sat up, pulling the sleeping bag closer around me, and turned to look at Haley who sat on the edge of the bed, her legs curled up under her. She was a sight, that was for sure. Her hair was a mess, mussed and sticking up in places, which was amazing as it was fairly long. Tiny smudges of blue could still be seen near her left ear.

"Hey." I croaked, still half asleep. "What time is it?"

"Ten. Your mom was just here."

"Oh." I stood, stretching my back, then it hit me. "Shit!"

"What?" Haley looked alarmed.

"I have to go to practice, shit." I ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb my runaway hair. With the trials yesterday, we didn’t have our normal Saturday practice, so it was today.

"Practice what?" I heard from the bathroom doorway. Haley stood there still in her bodysuit, socks half off and flopped out to the side of her feet. I chuckled, then looked at her.

"Tae Kwon Do."

"You do Tae Kwon Do?" I nodded as I rushed into the bedroom to grab my dobok, then hurried back into the bathroom to change.

"I’ll be right out." I closed the door on a very surprised and confused Haley.

"Can you drop me off on the way?" she called from the bedroom.

"Sure," I called back, tying my ti just right, all the stripes in the right place, the ends of the belt even. I opened the door to find Haley standing near the bed, the blankets in her hands. She looked at me, her face pale and eyes wide.

"I’m so sorry." I looked to see where she was looking; my pillow had blue smudges all over it, including on the edge of the sheet. "I’ll buy you another set, Andi, I promise." I grinned, finding the entire situation incredibly amusing, and shook my head.

"No, that’s okay. You don’t have to, Haley. It’s no big deal."

"Are you sure? God, I feel terrible. I’ve ruined your sheets."

"Haley," I turned to her, my face falling at the look of devastation on her face. "Really, it’s okay. Alright?" I stared up into her eyes, waiting for some sign that she heard and understood. Finally she nodded, avoiding my eyes. I smiled reassuringly at her. "Come on. Let’s get you home. Want to borrow some sweats, or something?" she looked down at herself and her wrinkled body suit, then grinned, shaking her head.

"That’s okay. I’ll just make a full-out sprint for my bedroom." I grinned, nodded.

"Let’s go."

* * *

God, had Tracy gotten better in the last twenty-four hours? She sure seemed to be a hell of a lot faster in her punches. I was having a heck of a time trying to keep up. I felt so dead, definitely not getting enough sleep last night. All I wanted was a bed, I wanted to go home, flop down on my bed, and-

POW!

I saw lights behind my eyes as my head hit the mat with a solid thump. Extraordinary pain raced through my head, centering in my right eye. I brought my hands to my face, expecting to feel something wet and sticky, but there wasn’t. Instead someone pushed my hand away, and fingers trailed along my nose and my temple.

"Can you breathe, Andi?" my Sabum Nim asked. I thought for a moment, then nodded. "Open your eyes." I did, then quickly slammed them shut again as the pain radiated out once more.

"Ah, crap that hurts!" I yelled, hearing a quiet round of chuckles around me.

"I’m so sorry, Andi. Oh, god. I’m really sorry."

I reached out blindly, trying to find Tracy, and my hand was filled with hers. I squeezed it to let her know it was okay, and so was I.

"Can you sit?" I was helped to a sitting position, the pain coming with me. I heard the instructor tell someone to get some ice, and then that person quickly running out of the room. Sabum Nim kept a small refrigerator in the back room for this specific purpose. Within a few seconds someone handed me an icepack, and I had it on my eye. The other one opened to see the entire class standing or kneeling around me, and my teacher looking at me with concern and disdain. "Why did yon lose your concentration, Andi?" he asked.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t get enough sleep last night." I said, feeling lame.

"That is no excuse. I want you to go home and rest. You’re no good if you can’t focus."

"Yes, Sabum Nim." He helped me to my feet, and patted my on the back.

"We’ll see you next time." I bowed to him, and turned to head to the lockers. My head was pounding, and I hoped I’d be able to drive. I could barely keep my eye open. I knew there would be one hell of a shiner there tomorrow.

* * *

I pulled into the driveway, the ice cubes already melting in the baggie they were in. I grabbed it from the passenger seat, and headed into the house. I walked to the kitchen, straight to the fridge. My mom was sitting at the table reading the paper.

"Hey, honey. Why are you home so early?" She looked up at me, and was immediately on her feet. "Oh, Andrea! What happened?" she looked into my face, bringing her hand up to gently touched the red, puffy skin around my eye, her eyes narrowed in concern. "Oh, sweetie. You’re going to have quite the bruise there."

"Yeah. I’m so excited, too." I muttered.

"What happened?"

"Just wasn’t concentrating." I sighed. "I’m going to bed."

"Okay, honey. Oh, there’s a message for you on the answering machine."

"Kay. Thanks." She gave me a kiss on my forehead, and putted my butt as I walked to the living room where the answering machine was. I pushed the play button, and sat on the arm of the couch to listen.

"Hey, Andi. Um, well, I just wanted to say thank you for last night, and that I’m really embarrassed about it. Um, I don’t really do that often, and so, well, I just wanted to let you know that I’m really appreciative. Okay? Um, see you at school. Bye." I stared down at the machine, a smile on my face. Anytime, Haley.

* * *

I turned the page in my book, my teeth crunching the potato chip I had just tossed into my mouth. I could hear the loud conversations all around me, most talking about what they had done for Halloween weekend, no doubt many of them had been at the party Haley was at. Haley. A grin spread across my face as I thought of her drunk Saturday night. The poor girl had been so gone, and so wiped out. She was always so cool and collected, so to see her so out of control was certainly new.

I glanced up when someone kicked my shoe. Haley smiled down at me, her expression shy and sheepish, it slid right off her when she looked into my face.

"Oh, god, Andi! What happened to you?" She knelt down getting a closer look. "Oh, jeez. Does it hurt?" I shrugged, then nodded.

"Well, as you know I had practice yesterday morning, but, um, well, I blocked kick with my face."

"Oh, Andi. Are you a beginner, or something?" I grinned.

"Hardly. I just couldn’t concentrate due to lack of sleep."

"Oh, no!" She covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes huge. "Oh, Andi. I am so sorry. Oh, wow. Man, what can I do? Anything?" I shook my head.

"No. It’ll go away all on it’s own, don’t worry about it." She swallowed, her eyes still on my eye. "Haley, don’t worry. It happens, you know? This isn’t my first black eye, nor will it be my last."

"Yeah, but you got it because of me."

"True,"

"Oh, jeez."

"I’m only kidding," I laughed, touching her briefly on the arm. "Really, I’m only joking. It’s no big deal. Hey, you got me out of practice and to bed, so that’s good, right?" She grinned weakly, nodding her head.

"Okay. Well, I just came over to say hi and thanks again."

"Well, hi, and you’re welcome." She smiled at me.

"See you later?" I nodded. With one last look, she stood and walked away.

The week flew by for me, the semester coming to an end, and Christmas break not far away. We had to get through November and Thanksgiving, and then were home free for a few weeks. I couldn’t wait.

I walked the halls of Winston High, ignoring the stares as people took in my shiner, looking at me in a way where I could read their minds. Yes, yes, I have a black eye, what do you know. Can we please try and state the obvious yet again? I shrugged my backpack a bit higher on my shoulder as I headed for the front door to the school, another week down, and another weekend before me.

The walk home was cold, so luckily I’d somehow managed to think ahead through my sleepy haze this morning. I was bundled up in a thick sweater and winter coat. Traditionally Halloween brought on the bad weather, but since the cold had come early this year, Halloween just brought on the really bad weather. Flurries just about everyday, some days all-out snow. Today was actually clear and bright, only cold. I marveled at the Halloween decoration that some people had yet to take down, pumpkins rotting on front porches, and plastic ghouls and goblins leering from windows and front yards.

I ran across the crispy grass of my yard, brown with gold tips, frosted white in the mornings. I was starving, and wanted to chow down before I had to go to work. We had started a really exciting project on Wednesday, so I was really pumped to get there and see how it had gone so far. Dr. Wills, my supervisor, was brilliant, and his insight into the human body was just amazing. He was trying to work on some new combinations of proteins and cells that dealt with cancer, burning to be the first doctor to find the cure. Weren’t they all? But out of everyone I had ever met, I figured Wills could do it. He really inspired me, and made me want to be better scientifically than I had ever been before, as well as made me think I could go further and do more, despite being a woman in a typically man’s field.

"Hey, hag."

"Good afternoon to you, too, Chris." I muttered as I passed him in the kitchen, him sitting on his butt shoving crackers slathered with peanut butter, sprinkled with pickles. I looked at it, grimacing. "God, that’s gross. Can’t you eat like a normal human being, you freak?" I opened the fridge to see what I could quickly get my hands on.

"You should try it. Here." I turned to see him extending his hand to me, a work of art ready for me to eat. I looked at him, his brown eyes serious, then my gaze dropped to the snack.

"If I die, you’re dead." He glared as I took the cracker, bringing it up to my nose. The smell was awful. But, like the champ that I was, I popped it into my mouth. I chewed thoughtfully as all the different tastes mixed and intermingled in my mouth; just a regular party in there. "Interesting," I said, sucking some peanut butter out of my molars with my tongue. I grabbed two more snacks that he had just made, and hurried out of the room as I knew he’d chase me.

"Give those back, you freak!" He chased me up the stairs, his long legs allowing him to close the distance between us until he caught me, just about to slam my bedroom door shut. With a mighty grunt, he shoved it open, and me against the wall. Squealing like a child, I tried to hide the crackers in my hand behind my back, knowing I was getting peanut butter all over me and my clothes, and the wall, I imagined. "Give it back," he grinned, reaching around to grab my wrist, bringing it up and pinning it against the wall.

"No!" I croaked, laughing so hard my strength was waning, and he was a strong little bugger himself. At fifteen he was already taller than I was. He grabbed my claw-like grasp, roughly opening my fingers until he had the mess snack in his hand.

"Ha!" he called triumphantly. I looked at his treasure, grimacing.

"That looks so nasty. You go, boy." He looked at it, then at me, then back at the cracker with an evil grin. "Chris, I don’t know what’s going on through those marbles in there, but don’t you dare." He looked at me, his hand coming closer to me. "Christopher!"

Squish!

I heard the garage door open as I washed my face, careful to avoid my eye. Good, I’d get to work on time now that mom had the car back. I had already scrubbed my wall, a nice brownish/greenish stain there. I just hoped mom never looked too closely at the paint there. Maybe I’d touch it up over the weekend.

Clean and changed, I hurried downstairs, my jacket in my arms.

"Hey, honey." My mom said, laying on the couch.

"Hey. You okay?" I sat on the coffee table in front of the couch, my hand on her arm. Her eyes were closed.

"Yeah. I just have another one of those damn headaches."

"Hold that thought." I stood and hurried up the stairs to grab a washcloth and ran it under cold water, then grabbed an Imitrex pill, hurried back to her. "Here. Sit up a bit." I handed her the coffee cup that she had been drinking from and the pill. She dutifully took it, then laid down again so I could put the cold cloth over her eyes. "I have to go to work, mom. I’ll be back later."

"Okay, honey. Have a good night. I love you." Her voice was groggy as she started to go to sleep. I kissed her forehead, the wet washcloth a bit of a shock to my lips, then stood, pulling the curtains closed as I left the room.

* * *

Dr. Wills looked at me, his blue eyes crinkling as he smiled at me. "Excellent work, Andi." He gazed back into the microscope. "I don’t know how I missed that mutation." I was beside myself with happiness. I had so much respect for this man, working in the science field for nearly twenty years, and I had noticed something he hadn’t. Wow. What a thrill.

We had finished with our testing earlier tonight, so I had asked him to show me what he was working on himself, his own private research. It had been so exciting to see the slides he had made from different patients who had cancer of various types. The mutation and breakdown of their systems were unbelievable. I was so inspired, yet again.

"Well," he glanced at the wall clock. "It’s getting late. What do you say we call it a night?" He turned off the microscope and smiled at me. I nodded. He pushed the lab coat off his shoulders as he headed for his office. I watched, standing where I had been, his confident, happy swagger of what he and I had discovered tonight. Wow. I wanted to be just like him.

Shaking myself out of my reverie, I started to close up shop for the night, putting things away and turning machines and equipment off.

"Have any plans for the holiday break, Andi?" he called from his office.

"Not really. Does sleeping count?" I called back as I put my jacket on. I heard his chuckle, then he appeared, closing the office door behind him. He wore his overcoat and briefcase.

"Well, would you be interested in helping me out here in the lab?" I looked at him in shock, my mouth hanging open.

"Really?" He nodded.

"I think you’d be great help to me in my work."

"Yeah, I’d love to." He smiled at me, those eyes twinkling under heavy, dark brows that had just the slightest bit of gray in them.

"Wonderful. Well, we’ll see you Monday."

Dr. Wills and I went out different ways as he was parked in the underground parking garage. I nearly skipped to my car, so excited at the prospect of working with him on his research. Pictures of what we could accomplish together flew before my eyes, huge dreams. Larger than I.

I drove home with a new sense of worth and power, and my love and passion for science was larger than ever before. I felt a definite sense of accomplishment today, like I’d changed someone’s life, somehow. I knew that all this thinking was young and puerile, but damn it felt good.

The snow had begun to fall again as I pulled into the garage, glad to be off the streets as they got more icy. There were some nutty drivers in Minnesota.

"How’s mom?" I asked my brother, who worked on his homework while watching TV. I never understood how he was able to concentrate on both at the same time.

"Bed. Her headache didn’t go away." He turned the page in the text book he was pouring over, not even looking up at me.

I headed upstairs, only to stop when I heard the doorbell.

"Door." Chris called to me. I glared at him, but it was lost to the top of his head. I walked over, flipping the porch light on as I unlocked the front door. Haley smiled at me.

"Hey." She said when the door was open.

"Hi." I said, surprised to see her.

"Busy?" I shook my head. "Good. Come on."

"Um, where?"

"I’m taking you to dinner. Come on." Without another word, she turned around and headed to her car, which was parked in the driveway. She must have been practically following me here.

"Tell mom I’ll be back later." I said as I hurried to grab the coat I had tossed on the couch. He just grunted acknowledgement, and kept studying. I headed outside, pulling the door closed behind me.

Haley pulled out to the street, waiting for a car to pass before heading out.

"So how was work?" she asked, glancing briefly at me.

"It was good." For some reason I didn’t want to tell her about it, somehow feeling she’d think I was even more of a science geek than she already did.

"Good. I was waiting for the stop light on Merrideth when I saw you pass, heading home. I figured my timing was perfect." She grinned.

"Wow. I must have been booking it; I never even saw you." She smiled at me.

"How’s the eye, by the way? It looks a lot better. Now it just looks like you have a pee stain under your eye." I glanced at her to see she was grinning as she watched the streets before her.

"Thanks. Now I feel all the more confident about going out in public." Her smile spread, and she smacked my leg. "Ouch. Trying to give me a bruise there, too?"

"Hey, now. It wasn’t my foot that took careful aim." I grinned, looking out the window. She pulled into the parking lot of Franko’s, a nice, but not expensive,, Italian restaurant.

"You like Italian, right?" I nodded vigorously, she smiled.

"So, why are you doing this, again?" I asked as we waited to be seated. She looked at me, leaned against the wall near the front door.

"Why not? And it’s just kind of a continuance of my thank you."

"For what?" We followed the hostess to a table for four, and were given menus.

"For last weekend," she answered, finally getting settled. "That was really nice of you."

"It wasn’t that big of a deal, Haley. I was glad you called. I’d much rather get out in the middle of the night than have you guys run into a misplaced telephone pole." She smiled, sipping from her water.

"You sound like my mother."

"No, I sound like my mother." She leaned across the table, lowering her voice.

"Has she made any brownies lately?" I shook my head.

"Sorry, lady. She’s been way too busy at the hospital."

"What does your mom do?"

"Nurse."

"Oh. Cool."

"Not as interesting as an astronomer, but a good job all the same."

"This is true." The waitress came to take our orders, and of course neither of us had looked at the menu. Quickly picking something out of the air, we ordered, and Haley looked at me. "So, how long have you done this Karate thing?"

"Tae Kwon Do, since I was six."

"Wow. Some time. Are you like a black belt, now?" I grinned, not really one to brag, I nodded. "Is it hard to get one?"

"Well, I don’t know if hard is the word, but it certainly does take time and patience and discipline."

"How did you get started in it?" We both took the glasses of soda the waitress brought to the table, me sipping from mine before I answered.

"Well, when my folks were still together, my father thought it was important for me and Chris to have some sort of self defense. We initially started out in Karate, but then the dojo burned down, and the instructor left town, so we got involved with another guy, my Sabum Nim, who taught Tae. Been there ever since."

"Does your brother still do it?" I shook my head.

"No. He got more into the athletic thing, school sports and such."

"Oh." She looked at me for a minute. "I saw you have a computer in your room, do you get online much?"

"Off and on. Usually it’s to play Literati or for homework. Why?"

"Well, just wondered. Me and Kelly get on all the time and chat while we write papers. So, if you feel the need, drop a line. We talk on instant messaging all the time."

"What’s your screen name?"

"You’ll laugh." She gave me the cutest little shy smile as she leaned back in her chair, nearly tipping it back. This, of course, intrigued me all the more.

"Come on, Haley. Spit it out. What is it?"

"Well, I chose it because it was simple, and I’d certainly always remember it."

"Great. What is it?" I wasn’t about to let her babble her way out of it.

"Cometbaby."

"Cometbaby?" She nodded, giving me a side look.

"Yeah, it’s silly."

"Not at all. I think it’s rather cute."

"Really?"

"Sure. It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?"

"Well yeah, but,"

"But what? I like it."

"So?"

"Mtn 83." She looked at me for a minute, her brows drawn.

"Huh? No, wait. Let me try and figure this one out." She studied me for a moment. "You’re 17, right?" I nodded. "Okay, that would explain the 83. Am I right?" Again I nodded. "Okay. So, mtn." I watched her, swearing I could hear the wheels turning in there as she tried to figure it out. Come on, Haley. Think about it. "Mtn. What is that? Let’s see. It’s definitely not your initials. Right?" I shook my head, amused. "Okay, so what does that stand for? Mountain? Why mountain?" She straightened, a slow smile spreading. "Mountain, Andes, Andi." She looked proud, crossing her arms over her chest. "Am I right?"

"Bravo. And it only took you," I glanced down at my watch.

"Yeah, bite me." She balled up the paper that her straw had been encased in, and threw it at me.

"So whose Halloween party was it?" I smiled as I spied our waitress headed toward our table, a tray laden with absolutely yummy looking food. I was famished.

"Oh, a guy named Stone Walthers. He’s a quirky college freshman whose folks own a lot of property, and rarely, if ever, use the old farm house, so he holds parties there for just about every holiday."

"Oh. Was it fun?" A plate of stuffed raviolis was placed in front of me, the smell wafting up to tickle my senses and make my mouth water. Haley’s rigatoni looked just as good.

"Yeah, I guess. It would have been more so had I not gotten so drunk." She grabbed the small parmesan cheese shaker that sat on the table, and coated her food liberally. "I don’t drink that often. To be honest, I’ve never really understood the urge to get loaded every weekend. That’s one thing about my friends that I really don’t like, you know?" She glanced up at me, then turned back to her food. I just nodded as I began to eat, and listened. "That’s one thing I like about you, Andi. You don’t seem to feel the need for that kind of thing."

"I don’t." She smiled, taking a huge forkful of food into her mouth, closing her eyes as she savored the flavor. After chewing, she looked at me again.

"You know what’s sad?" I shook my head. "You and I are the ones that are unusual. I think the only reason my friends don’t get on me that bad is because I give them all rides home when they’re too drunk to stand. Before I got my car, oh man did they used to give me shit over it."

"Then why hang out with them?" For some reason I felt a need to understand why Haley, so different and fun and kind, would hang out with them, complete opposites of all those things. She looked at me, fork halfway to her mouth.

"They’re my friends."

Okay, good enough. Though I would never understand why.

"So I hear Ryan called you. Or tried to, at least." I looked at her, my mouth full of ravioli, which was good. It would give me time to think as I slowly chewed. I had a feeling what was coming next. Why hadn’t I called him back? "So, why haven’t you called him back?" I wiped my mouth with my napkin, took a sip of Dr. Pepper, and cleared my throat.

"Well, I don’t really have an answer for you. I did intend to, but then I didn’t for whatever reason, then I forgot." How did I tell her that I thought Ryan was a dork, albeit a cute dork?

"Oh. If you didn’t like him, Andi, all you had to do was say so."

"Yeah, well, you know. He was really a nice guy. I guess I’m just not interested in finding a boyfriend right now." She looked at me for a moment as she took a drink of her Coke, eyeing me over the glass.

"Okay."

That’s it? Just okay? Well, I guess I’m glad she wasn’t going to stand up for the guy. It was crappy and I knew it. I just didn’t care enough to do anything about it.

"So do you have any great plans for tonight?" I shook my head, my hand flying up to my mouth to stop a ravioli avalanche as I had shoved too much in my mouth. Haley grinned at me, handing me a napkin as I had pretty much destroyed mine. Grateful, I took it, wiping my chin and mouth.

"Nope." I finally managed.

"Good. Want to come over and watch a movie?"

"At your house?" She nodded. "Oh," I felt really stupid. Oh? I knew I was nervous about the idea, feeling like I’d just been invited to step onto sacred territory, hallowed ground. "Sure." I smiled, trying to hide my stupidity behind it.

"Great." She smiled. "Have you seen The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring, yet?" I shook my head. "No? Oh my god, Andi. Where have you been?"

"I guess not roaming around in Mordor."

"I’ll get you to the twenty-first century yet."

"Ha ha."

The Corregan house was very nice, a two story with five bedrooms and a bunch of bathrooms. Haley headed downstairs to the basement, and I followed. A pool table was in a nook toward the back of the room, a Wurlitzer 1050 juke box against the wall. A bar, much like the one in my own house, lined one wall, an upright piano the opposite.

"Nice piano. Do you play?"

"A little." Haley headed for the big screen TV and the surrounding entertainment cabinets. She opened a door to reveal what must have been hundreds of DVDs. Kneeling down to read through them, finally she reached in and grabbed one. "I hope you have some time, because this is one long movie."

"Works for me."

"Have a seat."

I looked around to see a nice, black leather couch with matching arm chair. I sat on the couch, waited for the show to begin.

"Do you want anything? Drink? Food? Sweats?" I put my hand on my stomach, shaking my head.

"God, no. I can’t eat another bite."

"Okay. Sweats? I’m going to get comfortable, so you’re more than welcome to, too."

"Um, that’s okay." I smiled, feeling slightly weird about wearing her clothes for some reason. Almost as if by simply wearing them, I’d ruin them for her.

"You’re sure?" she asked, hand on the door that would take her upstairs. I nodded. "Okay. Be right back. Oh, and the bathroom is right down that hallway if you need it." She smiled, then was gone. I looked around as the DVD got started, movie previews starting up with a loud rush. I looked around, seeing where Haley’s dad had hooked up all kinds of speakers for surround sound, and stereo, and just about anything else some electronic-savvy guy could muster.

As I sat there, legs together, hands in my lap, I felt like some sort of an intruder. I rarely went over to Tracy’s house, and she never went to mine, so this was new to me. Never in all my school years had I had a close friend, a good friend to go to each other’s house on the weekends, get to know their family. I had seen on shows and movies where friends actually called their friend’s parents mom and dad. That had always seemed like such an odd thing for me, like it was only in the movies. But as I sat here in the Corregan’s basement, I felt like that may be possible, like maybe it wasn’t just fiction.

The basement door opened, and suddenly I couldn’t see. I reached up and removed the clothing from my head, seeing Haley staring at me with a wide grin.

"Just in cast you changed your mind." I looked at the pair of green sweats that were in my hand, knowing that they would be much more comfortable than the jeans I wore, and much warmer, too.

"Fine, fine. I will, for the first time in my life, submit to a bit of peer pressure." I stood, sweats in hand.

"Shall I take a picture?" She grinned, I glared, headed toward the bathroom.

My god! These things are huge! I didn’t think Haley was that much taller than me, but I guess I was wrong. I pulled the pants up to my hips, the legs dragging on the ground. So, I leaned down, scrunched them up over my feet, and stood, pulling the waistband up as far as it would go. With a bit of stretching, it went up over my breasts. Grinning, I headed out to Haley.

"Hey, those actually don’t fit too bad." She looked me over, seeing where the legs were scrunched up just a bit. I stared at her, amused. She finally looked up to catch my eyes, and that’s when I lifted my sweat shirt to reveal the pants pulled up. Haley’s eyes got huge, then she burst into laughter, followed by my own chuckles. "Okay, okay, so they’re a little big."

I pulled the pants down to their normal place, the extra material bagging around my legs. She was larger than I was all the way around.

"Come sit. The movie is about to start."

I sat, transfixed, for over three hours as the elves, dwarfs, hobbits and humans of Middle Earth fought together to protect, and eventually destroy, the ring. I don’t think I said one word to Haley during the entire film. Finally the credits rolled, and I felt eyes on me. I turned to see her looking expectantly at me.

"So?"

"That was way cool." She grinned, clapping her hands together.

"I’m so glad you liked it. I had a feeling you would, Andi."

"Oh, I did." A yawn escaped me, my hand going to my mouth to cover it.

"Tired?" I looked at her with heavy eyes, nodded. It was after midnight, nearly one in the morning, and after a long day at school, then work, I was beat. "I’m pretty gone, too. Why don’t you just stay here?" I looked at her for a second, surprised. Me, stay here? Oh, my. "Come on, we’ve got the room, and I’m way too tired to drive. I’ll kill us both." She grinned, and so did I.

"Okay."

"Cool. Come on."

Haley lead me back upstairs, and up again until we ended up in her bedroom. It was actually decorated quite simply. A few posters of various sports stars, especially soccer, such as the large print of Mia Hamm, hanging on the closet door. There were two twin beds on walls lined up at a ninety degree angle so the heads of both beds were nearly touching diagonally. I looked at her, a brow raised.

"I used to have sleep overs all the time as a kid, so my parents got me the double beds so the poor girl would have somewhere to sleep. I just never got rid of them." She shrugged sheepishly.

"Okay."

I pulled off my sweatshirt, grateful I had a tank underneath it. I would keep the sweats on, most likely. Being alone so often, I had grown to be very modest. Haley whipped off her shirt, a tee under, and pushed her flannel pants down her legs.

"Well, goodnight, Andi." She yawned, turning out the light.

"Night."

Part 4

I looked at my finger, wrapped in the Snoopy Band-Aid that the school nurse gave me. I understand she works at different schools, including the elementary school, but does she have to let it spill over into the high school? Never in my life had I had a cartoon character wrapped around my finger.

I shoved my hand in my pocket, feeling stupid that I needed a Band-Aid in the first place. I had been in Biology class working on an experiment when the beaker had cracked, then broken, slicing my finger as it went. Man, that had hurt.

It was kind of nice, though, the halls quiet as everyone sat in class. I watched the light from the window at the end of the hall, bouncing and twisting off the cracks and seams in the white linoleum, buffed to a shine. Lockers surrounded me on both sides of the hall, interrupted once in a while by a classroom door. I could hear the loud voices of the students in gym class coming up just at the end where I would turn to head back to class.

As I passed, I glanced over, stopping dead in my tracks. Haley stood in front of a weight machine, her arm draped over the bar as she spoke with Ryan, from the party. He was dressed in a tank and shorts, apparently both were in weight-lifting class. My eyes trailed to Haley. She also wore shorts and a tank, I could just barely see the straps of the sports bra underneath. I took in her entire body, legs long and supple from soccer in the fall, and then track in the spring. The clothes she usually wore, though fitted or even tight, belied the true shape of her body. Her arms were toned, the shoulders nicely defined, though not large. I imagined she had nothing of a stomach, either.

I was absolutely transfixed by the picture she set. She was stunning.

As my eyes drifted back to Ryan, I couldn’t help but wonder what they were talking about. Haley was smiling and nodding her head as Ryan talked, gesturing wildly with his hands. Haley’s head fell back as a loud spurt of laughter escaped her. It was a nice sound, high-pitched, but not shrill A contagious sound as I found myself smiling.

Watching them, I realized I was jealous …but not jealous of Haley talking to the guy who liked me, or had to some degree at one point.

No, I was jealous of Ryan.

Shaking it off, I hurried off to class before anyone saw me.

* * *

I tried to avoid my booboo as I stuffed books into my locker, taking out my take-home quiz to do later, after work. Teachers were starting to pile up on work as Thanksgiving was only two weeks away, and finals would be a mere week and a half after it. I could not believe how quickly this year was flying by.

"Hey." Nearly jumping out of my skin, I closed my locker door a bit to see Haley standing behind it, a large grin on her face.

"Well, aren’t you in a happy person place." She grinned wider.

"Of course. It’s Wednesday, hump day."

"Ah." I finished with my books, slammed my locker shut, sliding the padlock into place to snap it shut. "So why are you in such a happy person place? Hump day can’t be all that exciting." I turned and started to head down the hall, Haley walking next to me.

"Well, no, but it is when you get a 97 on a physics test." I stopped and turned to look at her, my mouth open.

"You didn’t."

"I did," she squealed, turning in a circle, hands in the air. People walking by stopped to stare at her.

"Go you." I smiled, truly proud of her. She had done that one completely on her own. But then, wait a second. Suddenly I felt kind of sad. "Well, I guess my services have become obsolete." I gave her a smile, which I did not feel. She glanced down at me as we started to walk again.

"Well, I wouldn’t say that."

"No?"

"No. I don’t just use you for your brain, you know."

"Oh, really?" I pushed her away from me. She grinned as she made her way back to walking beside me. "Would it make you feel better if I had a class that I suck at?"

"Oh, definitely. I want all the gory details." She rubbed her hands together as she leaned her head closer to catch my every word.

"Man, you just are not a nice person, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, out with it!" I grinned, shaking my head. What was she on, anyway? Part of me felt guilty as I walked and talked with her, as if I had been a voyeur earlier, and seen something that I shouldn’t have. Granted, everyone in gym class today saw her, but they didn’t stop and stare. I couldn’t even really explain how I felt. I didn’t like that very much.

"Well, in psych,"

"You’re taking psych?" Haley asked, her voice high and excited. I nodded. "Oh, yay! I’ll help." I looked at her like she’d just gained a third head.

"What makes you think that I’d ask for your help? Or, that I even need help?"

"I know you won’t ask, so I’m offering. And, I don’t imagine you’d even bring this up if you didn’t really need help." She looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, it sucks. I have a project to do by Christmas break, and I’m freaking a bit. I hate psychology."

"Girlfriend, psych is my specialty. Aren’t you a lucky girl?"

"Yes?"

"Ye of little faith and analytical ability. Come on, I’ll give you a ride home." We burst through the front doors to the school and headed toward the student parking lot. "You work tonight, right?" I nodded. "Okay, well I can’ t really get together tonight, I have plans. But, later in the week? Maybe even the weekend?" She looked at me to see my response. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Oh, um, well, speaking of this weekend, you were asking me questions about Tae Kwon Do that one night, and well, Saturday morning is belt trials, so I was wondering if you’d like to see what I actually do?" I looked at the passersby, not daring to look at Haley. I didn’t want to see the rejection on her face, or annoyance in her eyes that I would dare ask her to do something so simple and lame.

"Definitely." Wait, what? I looked at her, surprised by the grin I saw there. "I’d love to. Will you be fighting?"

"Yeah, but only as an opponent. I go for my next belt next year."

"Oh, well, as long as I get to see you in action. Oh, and promise me you’ll use your feet or hands or whatever to block all incoming punches or kicks, okay?" I glared.

"Funny." She dug her keys out of her purse, and unlocked the car. I quickly climbed in, the almost overpowering wind, which brought the general temperature down at least ten degrees, was getting the better of my hot bloodedness.

"You know, Andi, if you would wear a jacket to school that actually did something more than this thin wool thing, you’d be much better off."

"Thanks, mom." With a chuckle she started the car.

The entire drive to my house consisted of me listening to Haley ramble on and on about the test, and how easy it was comparatively, and how grateful she was that I had helped her, and how she owed me big time. I enjoyed her excitement and enthusiasm. It was a nice change.

"So, Ryan asked about you today."

My thoughts came to a screeching halt at the change in topic, and choice of topic.

"What?"

Haley glanced over at me. "Ryan? Ring a bell? Ryan Pritchard?"

"Yes, what about him?"

"Damn, where did you go? I said he asked about you today."

"What did he ask?"

"If you’d died. He’s still interested in talking to you, getting to know you. I totally sang your praises today in weight lifting. He’s more interested than ever." She smiled at me, and I tried to respond in kind, but was having a bit of trouble with the corner of my mouth. "You don’t seem so happy about this. Andi, I’m trying to get you out a bit more, you know? High school is meant to be fun."

"I’m enjoying myself quite nicely now." I almost felt angry, betrayed. What part of ‘I’m not interested’ was she not getting? I didn’t need some angel to come down, tap me on the shoulder, and turn me into the cookie-cutter high school girl who goes gaga because some cute guy notices her. Now, how to put this without sounding like a bitch. "Haley, I’m really not into dating right now, okay? I had my fun over the summer, and I certainly had enough stud stew to last me for a while. Ryan graduates this year, and he’ll be gone, and I certainly don’t care enough to carry on a long-distance thing with him." I glanced over at her to see if I could possibly read what she was thinking. She looked straight ahead, chewing on her bottom lip. "Ryan was nice and very cute, but I didn’t find him very interesting, nor could he hold much of a conversation about anything save for his car and sports." The tiniest bit of a smile curled up the corner of her mouth.

"I guess I should have figured you’d need the book type." She glanced at me for a moment before turning back to the road. "I’m sorry, Andi. I shouldn’t have pushed the issue. I’ll make sure he doesn’t bug you." She smiled again, but it was a small, almost sad smile. Crap. Did I hurt her feelings? I wasn’t sure, and it didn’t matter now as she pulled into the driveway to my house.

Haley pulled the break, and turned to me, but said nothing.

"Thanks for the ride. To be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to the walk. It’s pretty cold out there."

"Yeah, it is." She looked out the window at the white wonderland that surrounded us, almost blinding as the sun beat down on it, but never with enough strength to really do any serious melting. "Well, have a good night at work."

"Thanks. See you later." She only smiled as I got myself out of the car. I waved, then hurried to the front door.

As I sat at my desk, trying to work on the quiz, I couldn’t get Haley out of my mind, and my misplaced guilt. I had no reason, whatsoever, to feel bad, but yet I did. I imagine this was bothering me far more than it was bothering her.

I tossed my pen on the desk, rested my cheek against my hand. Why was I obsessing over this? Normally I was not one to dwell, but my thoughts were plagued. I didn’t want to lose the new friendship that was being created between Haley and I. I mean, I was probably kidding myself, and she didn’t think of me at all. Maybe I was just a distraction for her. Something fun to toy with for a while, to get her kicks off of.

Running my hands through my hair, I groaned. Those were horrible thoughts, and I really didn’t think she was capable of such callousness, but I didn’t really trust her kind. Her kind. What was she? A cannibal? Alien? I’m losing my mind.

Deciding to do my best to not linger anymore on a subject that just didn’t matter, and certainly I had done nothing wrong, I picked up my pen again and focused my attention on the quiz. Well, for the most part.

* * *

I tugged my backpack a little higher on my shoulders, the puffy ski jacket making it slide a little further every couple of steps. This weekend was supposed to warm up a bit, and that would be good. I loved the snow, and needed the cold weather, but this was getting to be a little ridiculous. Plus I hated to be all bundled up like Randy from A Christmas Story. The snow crunched under my hiking boots, a satisfying sound, as my breath came out in little warm puffs of white air, turned cold and crystallized before it even fully left my lips.

I glanced over my shoulder when I heard the horn of a car honk. Haley’s black car pulled along side me, her leaning over the passenger seat, glancing at the road every few seconds as she slowly drove at my pace.

"Plan to get very far that way?" I asked, but kept walking. It had been two days since I had talked to or seen her. I had managed to keep my distance, not sure if she was still angry with me, if she ever was. I had realized how much I had missed her; it was nice having someone to talk to, a comrade at arms.

"Well, I’d get farther if you’d get in," she said, her voice just barely making it over the drone of the engine and howl of the mid-November wind. I stopped and looked at her. I had some shy, sheepish remark on the tip of my tongue, but decided to save it, and get in. At least it would be warmer in there. "Why didn’t you wait for me this morning?" Haley asked as she pulled back onto the road, headed toward school. "It snowed last night." I shrugged.

"I guess I figured I’d just walk today." I briefly glanced at her. She was looking at a group of kids who waited to cross the street at the upcoming corner.

"That wasn’t the most brilliant move thus far in your academic career." She smiled at me to take the sting out of her chastise. "Andi, it’s two degrees out there with the wind chill. Why on earth would you go out in this?"

"Well, I didn’t see you yesterday to ask you, and I don’t have your phone number." Yeah, I know it sounded lame to me, too. I turned to see blue eyes boring into me. I figured she’d see right through it, but to her credit, she said nothing else about it.

"So, what class do you have right before lunch?"

"English. Why?"

"How about you meet me in the cafeteria and we can start at least talking about your project. Cool?" I nodded.

"Okay, sure. How fast can you get there?"

"My class isn’t far at all, so I can be there stat. You?"

"Well, as you know, I’m quite a ways from it, but I’ll run." I smiled. Haley pulled into the school parking lot, and turned the car off. There were tons of cars already there, and kids running and talking as they made their way toward the building. Ordinarily a lot of them stood around in the parking lot or outside the building until the first bell rang, but even the most dense of my peers had sense to get out of this weather. As we walked I saw Kelly standing and talking with Meghan by one of their cars as Meghan got her bag together. Kelly looked at us, her brows drawn in confusion. Well, it was nice talking with you, Haley.

"Hey, guys," Haley said, waving to them. Kelly raised her hand to wave back, a smile spreading across her face. To my utter shock Haley turned back to stare straight ahead and continued walking to the school. I looked at her, at them, then back at her, confused. "I cannot believe how cold it is." My attention was brought back to her voice as she hugged herself in an attempt to ward off the cold.

"Yeah, it’s definitely cold as hell." I agreed, my thoughts still whirling around my head like little flies, buzzing at my brain.

"So, are you excited about your sparring tomorrow?" Haley smiled at me, pulling the front glass door open, and holding it for me.

"Thanks. No, not really. I enjoy trying to knock the little ones down. I am the Sunbae Nim, after all." She looked at me quizzically.

"The what?"

"Senior member in the class, next to the instructor, of course. He’s our Sabum Nim."

"How long have you been kicking butt and taking names?" I grinned.

"Eleven years."

"Wow. Go, you." We walked to a point where we’d have to go our separate ways. Haley turned to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "See you later, okay?" I nodded, then stared after her for a moment as she made her way through the crowd; just about everyone she passed got a hello or good morning from her. The bell rang, and I hurried to my locker.

* * *

I think there’s a reason why people who like English generally hate science, and vise versa. I hurried from my English class, shaking my head. Why on earth would I wish to take some dead guys work, then completely dissect it? Who cares what he meant by what he said in line 31 of paragraph 12. The dude is dead, and no one really cares.

Shaking my head, I made my way to the cafeteria, hoping that Haley and I would have a little bit of time before her friends showed up. I looked around as I entered the large room, and immediately saw Haley sitting at her table, munching on a bag of dried fruit. So typical.

"Hey." I plopped my backpack down, not having time to hit my locker. She looked up and smiled.

"Howdy. Want some?" I looked at the dried apple pieces she held in her fingers, and my nose scrunched.

"You know, the only thing that looks more gross than dried fruit is jerky. Every time I see it I can’t help but think of King Tut’s mummy." Haley glared at me.

"Thanks. I happen to love jerky." I smiled.

"Oops."

"Okay, so have you thought about this at all?" I sat, tugging the instructions my teacher had given to us for the project.

"No. Here’s what it has to be." She took the packet from me, and began to read.

"So, she wants a comparison experiment of sorts?" She glanced up at me, I nodded. "Okay, well, I really don’t think this will be too difficult, Andi. There are any number of different things you can compare and contrast from a psychological point of view. I mean, how about penis envy versus womb envy? It’s an age-old debate that no one can, as of yet, decide on. Right?" I nodded. "Interested?" Again, I nodded.

"You’re going to help me with this, right?" Her face brightened, her body lifting as she sat a little straighter.

"Really? You want my help totally?" I smiled.

"Totally."

"Nut. Okay. You got it." The room began to fill with noise as it filled with kids, hungry kids. I learned a long time ago that you never keep kids away from food. The table vibrated as books and bags were tossed onto it. I looked around to see Haley’s friends starting to sit down, or head toward the lunch lines. Kelly walked up to stand next to Haley, staring at me. "Hey, girl." Haley put an arm around Kelly’s waist and hugged her.

I gathered my books and backpack, and began to stand. I felt a hand on my arm.

"Stay." I looked to see Haley staring into my eyes, her arm still around Kelly. "Please? Join us?" I looked around at the eyes that stared at me, some curious, others just plain confused as they looked from me to Haley, and back at me. I really wanted to bolt, and badly, but looking into those blue eyes, there was just no way.

"Okay." I sat again, feeling like a microscope slide. She smiled, squeezing my wrist before letting it go. I felt like a stranger in a strange land, surrounded by natives that did not know my language, and I sure as hell did not know there’s.

I realized my lunch was in my locker, but looking around me, I had lost my appetite. Haley pulled her lunch out of her backpack, setting it all out before her on the table. A container filled with something, most likely juice, knowing her, a sandwich, the empty bag from her dried apples, and a napkin. I watched as she prepared the sandwich, squishing it a bit with her palm before she looked up, her eyes meeting mine.

"What?" she asked, bringing the sandwich half-way to her mouth.

"Nothing. I guess I was just wondering why you were abusing the sandwich before you ate it." She shrugged.

"I don’t know." She took a bite, smiled at me as she chewed. I tried to smile back, but I’m not sure how successful I was. My entire body was jolted as someone flopped down on the bench next to me. I turned to see narrowed green eyes staring into mine. My blood froze in my veins, and I fought the urge to growl.

"I know you," James said, the crooked smile on his face that so many girls at Winston loved, and which I hated. "You’re the little twat that kicked me in the nuts." Haley coughed across from me, nearly choking on her sandwich as she looked at me. I glanced at her, then back at James Parker, the meanest asshole in the entire school. God, I had no idea he hung around with Haley.

"Yeah. What of it?" I looked him square in the eye, knowing that if it came down to it, I could squash him like the insect that he was.

"Yeah, Freshman year, you nailed me."

"We’ve established this, James. Care to add anything else?" He sneered, looking me up and down.

"You haven’t changed at all. Don’t most girls get cuter as they get older? You’re still a scrawny little bitch like you were then."

"Jimmy!" I could see Haley out of the corner of my eye, lunch forgotten as she stared at him.

"Go away," he said to her, not even looking at her, his eyes still riveted on me. "I should fuck you up for that."

"Well, maybe you’ll learn to pick on people your own size, next time."

"You little whore. What are you doing at my table? You don’t belong here. Why don’t you just go sit in your little dog pen where you belong."

"Gladly, you piece of shit." I grabbed my backpack, nearly shaking with a mixture of fear and anger, and of course, humiliation. My life wouldn’t be complete without it in my day somewhere.

"Andi, please don’t go." I didn’t even look at Haley as I stood, slinging my pack on my back, and heading out of the cafeteria, calm and collected, just a ruse to hide the boiling blood just below the surface. I wasn’t about to give those bastards the satisfaction of seeing how much James got to me. I wanted to hit a locker so bad, my hand twitching at my side.

I heard my name being called as I made my way into the hall, but I didn’t care to stop. As soon as I’d cleared the cafeteria doors, I broke into a run, needing to get as far away as I could, my boots pounding on the tile as I went, headed toward a little nook made by a section of lockers.

I tore my backpack from my shoulders, and threw it to the ground. God, why did I have to go through this? What was so wrong with me that I was to be the butt of everyone’s jokes? Most days I could just disappear amongst my fellow students, predators like James Parker never even knowing I existed.

"Andi!" I could hear Haley’s steps as she ran down the hall. I didn’t want her to see me this way. I quickly wiped at my eyes, which had quickly become wet. I sniffled, and brought the hem of my sweatshirt up to dry my cheeks. "There you are. God, are you okay?" My back was to her, as I wasn’t ready to face her just yet. I still needed a moment to get myself under control. So, I just nodded. She stepped up behind me, her hand reaching out to touch my shoulder. "I’m so sorry, Andi. I had no idea he’d do something like that. My god, I’m so stunned."

"You?" I turned around, giving her a weak smile. The look on her face just about broke my hears, like she was about to burst into tears. "He and I have a bit of a history."

"So I gathered. What happened?"

"First day of high school, I’m sitting in Mr. Tanner’s class, and you know how he has those desks where the chair is connected to the desk?" she nodded. "Well, I was sitting in my seat, in the front row, minding my own business, and James comes up to me, stares at me, then gets that stupid little grin he has, and lifts the entire desk."

"Oh, Andi." I could hear the sadness in her voice.

"I’m at a new school, unfortunately in classes with older kids, and idiots like that who feed on the fear and humiliation of others. My feet can’t even touch the floor anymore, and the desk behind me is digging into my back, the other kids are laughing at me, so I told him to put me down. He only lifts higher, succeeding in knocking me backwards, my head pushing the other desk out of the way as I fall. The class erupts into laughter, fingers pointing at me, led by your buddy, Jimmy. So, I stand and walk up to him, and he’s a pretty big guy." Haley smiles and nods. "I kicked him in the nuts."

"You really did that?" she asked.

"Hell, yeah, I did."

"He absolutely deserved it." Haley took me by the arm, and lead me to the lockers, and sat. I followed suit, curling myself up, knees to my chest, arms tucked into my body. I felt so vulnerable as I told her that story. "I’m so sorry. God, I just feel like such a bitch."

"Why? You didn’t do anything."

"Didn’t I?" She looked at me, looking miserable. "Andi, you’re not comfortable around my friends, understandably so with Jimmy, yet I keep trying to pull you in. You know, it’s like I’m trying to kill two birds with one stone; spend time with you and them by incorporating you into my little group. Part of me feels like I have this duty to show you that life can be fun." She smiled at me, I smiled back.

"Believe me, I have enough fun on my own, Haley. I don’t need to spend a fun-filled lunch with James Parker for that."

"Yeah, I guess you don’t." She sighed, running a hand through her hair, pushing the dark strands behind an ear. "I’m so sorry about today, Andi. It was completely unacceptable of him, and I just feel horrible to put you through that. I am really sorry."

"It’s okay. What can you do, you know? I think we’re all created to fill certain roles, and the popular chick, I was not meant to be."

"It shouldn’t be that way. I mean, not to sound like some poster for peace, but why can’t we all just get along?"

"Because then life would be boring." She chuckled ruefully.

"Yeah." With a groan, Haley stood, wiping off the butt of her jeans as she did. She looked down at me. "Are you going to go back in there?" I shook my head.

"No. Anything I need is right here." I patted my backpack that lay not far from me.

"Okay. Well, the bell is going to ring soon, and I need to get my stuff from the cafeteria. Can I get you anything while I’m in there? I mean, you didn’t even get to eat."

"No. I’m not real hungry."

"Okay." She just looked at me, and I wondered what was going through her mind. "Well, I’ll see you after school when I give you a ride home. Got that?" I grinned, nodded.

The day went by quickly as I threw myself into my classes, using the concentration techniques that I had been taught for over a decade. James Parker wasn’t worth my spit, let alone brain power. The day would end, and so would the week.

I slammed my locker shut, slinging my backpack over my shoulder, and began to walk toward the main hall when I caught Parker out of the corner of my eye. He was talking to someone, and he did not look happy. I was shocked to see that the person he was talking to was Haley. I took a few steps closer, dying to know what was being said.

"What the fuck’s your problem, Haley? She’s nothing. Damn."

"You’re a sick bastard, Jimmy. Why do you get off on other people’s pain? Andi is my friend, so don’t you ever do what you did today again. You got me?" She poked him in the chest.

"Ow, what did I do?" She stared at him, incredulous.

"You need help." She muttered as she turned away from him, headed in the direction of her locker. He watched her go, then shook his head as he walked in another direction. My gaze searched for Haley in the crowded hall, but I had lost her. A slow smile spread across my face.

* * *

We had decided that Haley would meet me at the dojang since I had to be there so early. Sabum Nim Kyung had talked with us, giving everyone their assignment. Since I was one of the few not going for the next belt, I would be the main sparring partner among the higher ranking students.

"God, I hate these," Tracy said, adjusting her ti. Today she would be trying for her first degree black belt today, so this was a big moment for her. I knew she would get it, and had tried to be as supportive as possible.

"Charyot!" Everyone came to attention, lining up in our rows, bowing to the Sabum Nim. "Those of you in trials today, stay. The rest, go."

I stood, bowed, and headed toward the front of the massive room, deciding to warm up with some patterns, slowly easing into the more difficult, intricate kicks and punches. I always lost myself once I started, the world just receding away from my awareness so that all I felt was the energy flowing through me, matching my breathing with the slow pulse, eyes closed as I tried to feel my opponent.

"Hey."

I swung around, feeling my wrist come into solid contact with something just as solid. My eyes shot open to see Haley standing before me, holding her shoulder, eyes huge.

"Ah, jeez. I’m sorry. Are you okay?" I hurried over to her. "Let me see that." She removed her hand, and I felt her shoulder. "I think you’ll just have a good bruise there." I grinned. "Do you walk out in front of moving cars?" She narrowed her brows.

"What?"

"Well, that’s essentially what you did just now. Don’t ever sneak up behind a warrior."

"A warrior, huh?" She tried to hide her smile.

"Hey, don’t laugh."

"Sorry. And sorry I scared you." I shrugged.

"My defenses were up, and you became the enemy that was already in my mind." She looked at me for a moment, as if she was trying to decide whether I’d lost my mind, or I was serious. A smile spread over her lips.

"That’s kind of cool." She looked me over. "So, what is this thing?" She clipped the loose sleeve of my uniform.

"Well, this is called a dobok. This," I pointed to the patch that was sewn on over the left breast. "is my dojang’s, which is this building, patch. Kind of like a Coat of Arms. This," I grabbed the end of my belt. "is called a ti. These gold bars here will tell the history of my success here. There are three, and I am a third degree black belt, thus the black belt itself." I looked up from my uniform to see her eyes on the belt, her face a picture of awe. Finally she met my gaze.

"That’s really neat." She smiled wide, obviously impressed. Neat.

I smiled, then noticed that the class had begun to gather around the mats that had been laid out earlier where the trials would be. The students were on their knees in a circle around it.

"I have to go. You can either just stick around here, sit on the bench along that wall, there, or you can join the circle."

"Thanks. I’ll find somewhere."

I felt Haley’s eyes on me as I hurried over to the circle, falling to my knees as things began. I would not be needed for a little bit, as the younger, less experienced students fought, but I had to be in the circle to support my classmates. Tracy knelt down next to me.

"Haley Corregan is here?" She eyed her, then looked at me with surprised eyes.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I invited her."

"Oh." She turned back to the sparing, and didn’t say another word.

The hour passed quickly, each student given a certain amount of time to prove that the have earned the opportunity to advance.

"Sunbae Nim." I hopped to my feet and entered the fighting ring. My opponent was Jeremy Handlin, six foot two, one hundred ninety- four pounds. As he walked toward me the room was deathly quiet, except for the "oh, my god" I heard come from toward the back of the room.

I grinned as I got set up for the fight. Jeremy was trying for his second gold stripe. Sabum Nim issued the call to begin. Jeremy gave me everything he had, but I was able to dodge every blow, being smaller gave me much needed speed with a much larger opponent. This guy had ten inches of height, and sixty-five pounds of weight on me. I had to admit, I was slightly intimidated, but that quickly waned. He was good, but I was better. Jeremy was a great guy, and I wanted him to get his advancement, but he was sure going to work for it.

He got behind me, determined to pin me. I grabbed him by the bicep, and pulled. The momentum his body had already been creating sent him hurling over my hip, and onto his back on the floor. I quickly pinned him with my foot on his chest. The order was called to quit, and I reached down to help him up.

"Nice one, Andi. Didn’t even see it coming." Jeremy breathed, sweat covering his forehead. I grinned, slapped him on the arm.

"Thanks. You, too. You nearly had me, there." He smiled, bowed to me, I bowed back, and he joined the circle. I glanced over toward the back to see Haley watching, her eyes wide, as if she’d been transfixed by what she’d seen. She looked at me, gave me a smile and a thumbs up, then I turned to my next sparring partner.

It took nearly two hours for us to get through, and for everyone to be allowed to go. I hurried over to Haley, breathless from an hour straight of fighting.

"Hey." I grinned.

"Hi, there. Very impressive." She smiled, standing from the bench she sat on.

"Thanks. What did you think?"

"This is amazing what you guys can do. Wow. You are lethal, Andi." I felt so proud that she appreciated what I had worked so hard to do.

"Thanks. Well, I’ll be right back. I’m going to catch a quick shower, and get changed."

"Okay. I’ll be here."

I ran to the back room, and stripped out of my dobok, which was saturated with sweat in some places. "Yuck." I stuffed it in the bag I’d brought with me, getting my street clothes out. The water felt wonderful against my over-worked, over-heated skin and muscles. A few of the students had gotten some great whacks in there, and I knew I’d be bruised by tomorrow, and sore.

I buttoned my jeans, and pulled the tank over my head, trying to hurry so I could at least say goodbye to Haley. I figured she had other things to do today, and was grateful she had taken the time out for me. Grabbing my comb as I stuffed everything in my bag, I zipped it up and slung it over my shoulder as I headed out to the main room. Tangles made me flinch as I quickly tried to get them out of my hair, finally getting it all smooth and back, away from my face. It amazed me how much darker blonde my hair was when it was wet. I could feel the wet ends tickling the tops of my ears, and my neck.

I stopped as I entered, seeing Haley looking at the technique poster, her back to me as she tried to imitate what she saw there. Sabum Nim had hung the poster up a few years back when an irate parent had come in after their precious little boy had gotten hurt, by being stupid. They wanted to know and be able to see everything that we did without having to take the time to actually stay for an entire class. I remember my teacher had been so angry, thinking the poster cheapened his dojang. He nearly kicked the kid out altogether.

Haley brought her hand up, staring at her palm as she looked back at the poster.

"That is the sonbadak." She swung around, startled. I grinned, as I walked toward her. "Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you."

"Oh, that’s okay." She looked at me, eyes trailing over my tank and jeans. "You really shouldn’t hide that." She said, looking back into my face. Confused, I looked down at myself, then at her, still no clearer.

"Hide what?"

"That body of yours. I know you say you’re not interested in dating right now, which is cool, but wouldn’t it be nice to at least be looked at? I mean, I had no idea, though I guess it makes sense with your Tae Kwon Do and yoga, and stuff."

I looked away, thoroughly embarrassed, suddenly very shy, and feeling quite uncomfortable. I wished I had a sweatshirt of jacket on about now.

"Um, thanks." I smiled weakly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What, do you think I’m going to stare at your breasts?" I looked at her, surprised, my arms immediately going to my sides. Haley had her hands on her hips, a quirky smile on her lips.

"No." She chuckled.

"Come on, explain this stuff to me." I walked over to her, still surprised. Only one other human being had ever noticed that I even had breasts, and I sure as hell didn’t want to think about him. "What is this?" Haley pointed to the forearm of the man on the poster.

"That is called the palmok. You use it right here." I slapped my forearm to show her. "This is the yop joomuk," I slapped the side of my fist. "Ap joomuk," I pointed to my knuckles, "And finally, dung joomuk." I pointed to the back of my hand. Haley listened intently as I went through the body, explaining what each was called, and what it was used for.

"Wow," She shook her head. "How long did it take you to learn all that?"

"Not as long as you’d think, but then I was six years old, and most children learn much faster than adults."

"Show me how you flipped that guy this morning." She said, a twinkle in her eye. "That was really cool, and I’d love to see you do that to Jimmy." I chuckled, nodded, slowly moving myself in front of Haley, grabbed her arm, and down she went with a whoosh of air from her lungs. She stared at me from the floor, dazed. She blinked rapidly before her eyes focused up on me. "Oh." Chuckling, I reached down and grabbed her hand, helping her to her feet. She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it back into some sort of order, then turned to look at me. "Warning next time?"

"Sure thing. That’s how it’s done. Are you okay?" She nodded. "I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist." I smiled, trying to not laugh, but it was slowly seeping through.

"That’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll just teach me, and remember, Andi," She leaned in close to me, staring me in the eye, "paybacks are a bitch." She ran her hands through her hair again, and smiled at me. "So, hungry?"

"Well, yeah."

"Great. Come on." She grabbed her purse from the floor, pulling the bag’s strap across her chest. "Why don’t we drop off a car, it doesn’t make sense to have both of them out, and then we can grab some lunch. Sound good?" I nodded, excited to spend some time with her.

We began to walk toward the door.

"Would you teach me some Tae Kwon Do stuff?" I looked up at her, surprised by the question.

"Sure. What do you want to learn?"

"All of it. I think it’s such a beautiful sport, well, I guess it’s a sport. Anyway, it’s just a good thing to know, too, I think." I nodded in agreement.

"How much time do you have today? We could begin."

"Well, let’s see." She exhaled a deep breath as she thought. "I’m free until tonight. I promised I’d go with Kelly to her little sister’s Thanksgiving play at the elementary school. That’s at seven, so before that," she shrugged.

"Cool. Okay."

"I’ll see you at my house? Want to drive today?" I smiled.

"Yeah." I didn’t get to drive that often, so I was pretty excited about it; it gave me a sense of responsibility and control to some degree. I had saved nearly every paycheck from the lab in the time I’d been there, and my mom promised that she’d match what I’d saved to buy me a car this winter. I couldn’t wait. It was to be my Christmas present.

Haley jumped into the passenger seat, and we got going from her house. She looked around the car, one corner of her mouth turned up in a sardonic smile.

"Gee, I barely remember the last time I was in this car."

"I bet you do. It was interesting, huh?" She glanced at me, and I smiled at her.

"Yeah, something like that. Andi, can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Well, okay, but you can’t get mad at me or defensive."

"Oh, boy. I just love these kind of question. Okay, I promise."

"So, you’re not interested in dating, you’ve made that clear. But why? I mean, is it just high school guys, guys right now, guys in general, what’s the deal?" I sighed as I thought about it, trying to come up with some sort of an answer that made sense, and that she’d accept.

"Well, high school guys are kind of a turn off for me, for one."

"Why?" I smiled.

"Curiosity killed the cat, you know."

"And satisfaction brought it back, don’t avoid the question."

I chuckled. "Well, I think they’re quite immature, interested in only one thing, and I’ve already made that mistake." I felt her eyes boring into me.

"Andi?"

"Haley?"

"Have you been with a guy? Like, had sex?" I sighed again, nodded.

"No shit! I never would have guessed. Who was it? When did it happen? Were you guys dating?"

"Whoa. Slow down there, chick. You might hurt yourself. His name was Rick, and it happened last summer when we worked at the lab together."

"Rick what? Would I know him?"

"I doubt it, unless you’ve been hanging around New Mexico and didn’t tell me. He worked there during college here, and graduated last spring."

"A summer romance. Wow. Was he cute?" I glanced at her as I turned into the parking lot of Carlo’s Pizza Heaven.

"Man, you’re just full of questions, aren’t you?" She grinned like an idiot, nodding vigorously. God, how could I ever resist that? "Yes, he was a good-looking guy. Dark hair, bright grayish eyes. But, he was an ass, and was only after one thing."

"So, you were with this one guy, and he was an asshole, so automatically you assume every guy is like that?" We got out of the car, walked toward the building.

"Well, isn’t every guy this age like that?" I asked her, pushing the door open, and holding it for her.

"Thanks. Yeah, pretty much." She chuckled.

"Alright, then." We walked through the restaurant until we found a booth, and sat down. "The thing is, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, or anything even remotely serious, and I knew that I was a notch for him, but I guess I’m just kind of mad at myself now, for not thinking it through." Haley looked at me as she grabbed a menu.

"What do you mean?"

"I gave him something that I can never get back, or give to someone out there that I love."

"Oh. I see." She handed me my own menu.

"Thanks."

"Did you care about him at all? I mean, how did he get through?"

"Get through?"

"Well, you’re so stuck on the idea that guys suck, and are not datable because they’re under the age of twenty-five. This guy must have been in his early twenties. What was so different about him than anyone else? I can’t imagine he and Ryan are the only guys who have tried to ask you out in your life." I shrugged.

"I don’t know. I guess for a minute there I got lost in the idea that he was older, I mean, a whole whopping twenty-two. He was nice, cute, and we had a lot in common. Rick was very good at making you believe just about anything, you know? Making you feel like you are the most beautiful woman in the world, or some bullshit like that. You know the type, they’ll tell you anything to get you into bed." Haley looked at me for a moment, looking into my eyes.

"Andi, you are beautiful." I just stared at her. "Guys can do that, feed you a line of bull just so they can get into your pants, and he probably was about some things, but not about that." I searched her eyes, and could see the sincerity.

"Wow. Thanks." She smiled.

"What can I get you guys to drink?" We looked up to see our waitress smiling at us.

"Actually, I’m ready to order. Andi, are you?"

"Yup."

"Okay, what can I get you?" We ordered, and the waitress left, returning within a few minutes to bring us our drinks.

"So, what do you find attractive in a guy?" Haley asked, sipping her Coke.

"What do I find attractive in someone?" She nodded. "Hmm. Good question." I took the paper off my straw as I thought. What do I find attractive? "Well, I guess I’d have to say honesty, fun-loving, good sense of humor, takes care of themselves. And, probably most importantly, they must have a brain. So few people in the world seem to, now days. What is up with that?"

"Yeah, smarts doesn’t seem to be a big fixture with a lot of people. Who knows." She shrugged, then studied me, soda in her hand, but she didn’t drink. It was almost as if she were having some internal conversation with herself about me. Shaking herself out of it, she brought the straw to her lips, and began to drink. "So, you sort of answered my question."

"What? I answered you."

"I want to know what you find attractive, you know, outside. What kind of guy, or man, in your case, are you attracted to. Physically."

Hmm. No generic answer for that one. Truth be told, I didn’t know. "Well, I guess the type of person I’m attracted to is someone who takes care of themselves physically. I love a nice body. I know that sounds horribly stuck up of me, but I take care of myself, and to me when someone does, it says something about that person."

"Like what?"

"Well, that they care about themselves, their health, the way that they look. I don’t want someone who needs a mirror every two seconds, in fact that’s quite the turn off, but I don’t want someone who sits around on their ass all day, either." Haley looked at me, cocked her head slightly to the side, and smiled.

"Do you realize you used just about every pronoun except he or she just now?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, you never said he. Andi, do you like guys?" I was quite taken aback by the question. Do I like guys, who doesn’t?

"Yeah. To the extent that they’re likeable. You talk about me, why aren’t you dating? I know for sure you’re asked out daily."

"Well, not quite daily, but often, yes. I just got out of a relationship with Brad over the summer."

"So? So did I, yet you seem to think it’s so odd that I’m single. What about you?"

"Okay, okay. You got me. I’ll leave you alone." She leaned in. "For now."

* * *

"Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking." Haley took a bite of her third brownie, chewing quickly so she could talk. "Make a chart, or a poster, and on one side make a big sign that says penis, and on the other side, one that says womb." I munched on my own brownie as we sat on the floor in the middle of the living room of my house. My mom and her boyfriend, Clive were downstairs watching a movie. Chris? Who cares.

"So, do you think pictures would go well in this? I mean, I could drag out my digital camera, and head out into the big, bad world."

"Yeah, I could see that. Just get creative, Andi. However, I do think some pictures would be best left out of it." She grinned, and I threw a pillow from the couch at her. "You could have bullets under each side with little flip up signs with information or questions underneath."

"Okay." Haley looked at her watch.

"Shit, I have to go. Drop me off?" I nodded, and gathered all my papers together, piling them on the coffee table for later.

"Thanks for all your help, Haley. I really appreciate it."

"Sure. No problem. I intend to keep helping with this, if that’s cool?" I smiled.

"Yeah, definitely." She stood, grabbed her purse and jacket from the couch.

"Ready?" Keys in hand, we headed out. "Oh," she stopped at the front door, me nearly slamming into her as she dug into her purse to grab a small notebook and pen. "You said you didn’t have my number the other day. Well, the top one is my home number, and the one below is my cell phone." She glanced up at me. "You know, just in case you felt like calling in the middle of the night, or something." With a grin she handed me the paper.

"Thanks." I tucked it into my pocket, and followed her out to the car.

* * *

I turned over onto my left side, pulling the covers up to my chin. Too hot. Pushing them under my arm, I rolled onto my stomach. No good. With a growl, I sat up, glanced over at the clock. It was nearly two in the morning, yet I could not get comfortable, nor fall deeply asleep. I saw the blinking light on my phone, then remembered that Haley had given me her number.

Pushing the covers off me, I found my jeans on the floor, and rifled through the pockets until I felt the folded paper. Getting back under the covers, I reached for the receiver, and dialed the numbers to her cell. I grabbed the impromptu tool from an earlier art project, where I’d been using the holes in a potato masher to create a diamond pattern on the page. I had nervous energy rushing through me as the phone rang, once, twice,

"Okay, what did you forget, Kelly?" asked the sleep-deepened voice.

"Huh?" I was confused. "This isn’t Kelly."

"Oh. Who is this?" She seemed to waken more. She paused for a moment, "Um, Andi?"

"Yeah. Did I wake you?" I began to beat the masher lightly against my headboard, my hand taking on a life of its own.

"Well, I just went to bed, what on earth is that noise?" I stopped banging.

"Nothing."

"What are you doing over there? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I’m fine. I guess I just felt like calling you in the middle of the night."

"Oh, I see. And as for what you’re doing?"

"Banging."

"Excuse me? Did you say banging?"

"Yup."

"Huh. This is interesting. Where are you?" I could hear her shifting in her bed. I did the same, scooting down to lay on my side, holding myself up with my phone hand’s elbow.

"In bed."

"Oh, so you didn’t stay up, watching the clock, waiting for exactly," she paused, "ten minutes after I went to bed."

"Nope, no such luck. If only I were that talented."

"Well, you seem to be pretty talented with the whole banging thing. I hear you going at it, again." I smiled into the phone, the rhythmic tapping of the masher on the side table obviously amusing to her.

"I take pride in all my talents."

"As well you should. So, what is getting banged?"

"What makes you think it’s anything of consequence?"

"Well, I seriously doubt, and hope, it’s not a body part of yours."

"Nope." I brought the masher to my eyes, looking at it in the moonlight, the metal part shining in the darkness.

"What is it used for? Other than banging, that is." She shifted again, her voice dropping a bit as she got comfortable. I could almost picture her in her bed, staring up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.

"Well, it’s used in the kitchen." I heard her chuckle.

"Oh, really? So, it’s hard, then?"

"Yes." I was enjoying the game, though quite surprised that I was engaged in it.

"What else?"

"Hmm. Let’s see," I ran my hand all over it. "It’s cold, generally. Well, that is, part of it is metal."

"Really? Aren’t we into the kinky side of life?" I chuckled. "Is this thing with you every night?"

"No. Only on special occasions."

"Really?" I smiled at the surprise in her voice. "And tonight was a special occasion?"

"Yes. Brought on by Mrs. Carusso."

"What? What does the art teacher have to do with it?!" I laughed out loud, then covered my mouth as I didn’t want to wake my mom or Chris.

"It’s a potato masher. I traced the design for a project tonight." I smiled at the laughter on the other end of the phone.

"Well, it certainly is hard enough to bang with." I covered my eyes with my hand.

"Oh, Haley." More laughter. "So what about you? Do you have anything special you sleep with?" Pause. "Haley?" Pause. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, that’s a crock. Spill it, woman."

"Well, it’s rubber."

"It’s a rubber? You sleep with a condom?"

"No, no, it’s made of rubber."

"Really? Is it smaller than a loaf of bread?"

"Yes." I could hear her smile in her voice.

"How big?"

"It’s a handful. You know what they say, anything more is a waste." Yet again my eyes found themselves covered. Oh boy. I heard the snap of rubber. It sounded just like one of our latex gloves in the lab. "What, are you into the five-fingered pleasure?" A low, evil chuckle met my ear.

"Maybe." My eyes bulged. "No, it’s a Koosh."

"A what?"

"A Koosh ball. You know, the round, rubber things with lots of little, limp spines?"

"Little, limp spines? Poor thing. It must feel so useless."

"I imagine so."

"So, um, were you huddled around this thing when I stayed over?" Pause. "You did, didn’t you?"

"It was under my pillow."

"And all while I was in the next bed. How could you?" She laughed, then quieted.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"At this point you feel the need to preempt with ‘can’?" I smiled.

"Yeah, guess that’s kind of unnecessary now, huh? Anyway, well, you didn’t like Ryan, right?" I groaned, flopping over onto my back.

"No. Too boring."

"Do you like boys?" I paused, taken off guard by the question. "I guess that was a little forward, wasn’t it?"

"Maybe just a tad."

"Sorry. But do you?" I laughed, hearing the smile in her voice.

"I think I need to go to bed. So do you, you nut."

"Okay, okay." She yawned, and moaned slightly into the receiver. "I’m so comfy and warm." She sighed. "Well, you sleep well, Andi. I’m glad you called." I smiled at that.

"Me, too. I’m glad you’re not mad." I brought the covers up just under my chin, the cold night air sneaking in.

"Of course not. Why would I be?"

"Well, it’s a bit unusual to receive a call at two a.m."

"Well, luckily for you I’d just gotten back from going out with Kelly."

"So I gathered from your greeting." She laughed.

"Yeah, well she’s known for forgetting things in my car."

"Ah. Well, sleep well, Haley. I’ll talk to you later."

"Sweet dreams, Andi."

"Goodnight."

"Night."

Combined parts 5 & 6

I waited, not-so-patiently, as my computer slowly loaded the website I was trying to get into, and munched on cold turkey from yesterday. I was doing research on my psych project because the due date was only one week away. Where had the year gone? Haley had been over to help with it earlier in the week, and so now I had to do the last minute details and info, as well as figure out where I got all my information from to cite it.

Scanning the page, I found what I needed, and hit control P. As the printer sputtered to life, I stared at the screen, before my hand suddenly found the mouse, leading the pointer d across the screen to the white address bar on top. I clicked it, then typed in a search engine. The Google page opened, and I typed in two very familiar words. The blue bar at the bottom of the screen grew longer and longer as more entries were found. I was surprised, not thinking many would be.

Finally my pointer turned back from an hourglass to the arrow again. I scrolled down, yet again surprised by just how many entries there were dealing with the words Haley Corregan. However, knowing she had not died in August of 1894 with her husband John at her side, I clicked on one that mentioned Winston High School.

The site opened to our school’s website, which I didn’t even know existed. It chronicled the girls who had been on the soccer team two years ago, and had won the state championships. I scrolled through pictures, marveling at how young Haley looked at only 15. I read her bio.

Haley Star Corregan,…

"Star?" I chuckled as I read on.

… a Winston High Sophomore, has played soccer since second grade. At 5’8", 142 pounds, she is a powerhouse as a center forward for the Winston High Pumas.

"Go, Haley." I smiled, reading further.

Haley was born December 8 to Timothy and Marcia Corregan right here in Winston.

My brows narrowed. December 8? That was coming up in just over a week. Why didn’t she tell me her birthday was on the way? I stared at the screen, and a grin spread across my face as an idea popped into mind.

I looked at the clock on the toolbar.

"Shit." I stuffed the rest of the turkey into my mouth, and grabbed my jacket, car keys, and headed downstairs.

"You heading out, honey?" I looked at my mom who sat at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of coffee. I nodded as I chewed the last of the meat, then swallowed.

"Yeah. I’m actually running a little late. Spent a wee bit too much time online."

"Oops." My mom smiled.

"Thanks for letting me use the car."

"No problem, hon." She stood and walked over to me. "You guys have fun, and please be careful."

"Will do. I love you."

"I love you, too, Andrea." With a quick hug from my mother, I was out the door. On the way to Haley’s, I glanced at the map I’d brought with me. The Mall of America was just about an hour away. I hadn’t been there in years, so was looking forward to it. I certainly had never been there around the holidays, so I imagined it was amazing, decorations everywhere, Santa’s little winter play land brought south. Though not much south here in Minnesota.

I pulled up to the Corregan’s house and parked at the curb. The garage door was open, and Mrs. Corregan walked out with a tied garbage bag.

"Andi. Hello." She smiled at me, lifting the garbage can lid, and dumping the bag in. "Haley is inside, downstairs. Go on in."

"Thank you, ma’am."

"Ma’am. What am I? Sixty?" I laughed. How on earth could someone be so chipper all the time? Weren’t there rules or laws against that?

I headed into the house through the open garage, finding myself in the kitchen. I had to try and remember which way the basement was, then I heard music. Piano music. Following the sound, I saw the open door with steps leading down, and made my way into the basement. I looked around to see Haley sitting at the piano, her hands flying across the keys as she played "Liebestraum" by Listz. I was stunned, slumping back against the wall as I listened, my eyes closing as the music filled me. My heart lifted with each note as I sucked in my breath, the song building to an intense crescendo, her fingers pounding each note out so that it resonated in my head.

Finally the song began to soften, the last few notes played lovingly, until everything went quiet. My eyes opened, and I saw Haley raise her hands from the keyboard, laying them on her thighs for just a moment before she quickly turned to look at me.

"How long have you been standing there?" She turned on the bench, surprise on her face.

"Long enough to want to waltz." She smiled, then looked down, a bit shy. "I had no idea. You’re brilliant. Why haven’t you told me you could play like that?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I don’t tell anyone, really. Only Kelly knows, outside my family."

"How long have you played?" She shrugged, picking invisible lint off her sweater.

"Probably about as long as you’ve been the Karate Kid." She smiled, so did I.

"Funny girl. But why don’t you do anything with it? I mean, you could easily be in the symphony at school." She looked at me.

"Yeah, and become a band nerd? I don’t know. It’s jut not really cool to do, you know? I’ve always loved doing it. I begged my mom for lessons when I was 5 years old. Finally she got them for me, and the rest is history." I thought for a moment; what a shame that someone so talented would hide this.

"So, you ready?" Haley asked, obviously eager to change the subject.

"Yep." She stood, carefully pulling the cover over the keyboard, and grabbing her jacket that was laid across the couch.

"You’re late, woman." She said.

"Yeah, sorry." I turned to head up the stairs. "I was doing some research for my project."

"Ah, I see. So penis envy is more important than shopping on the day after Thanksgiving with your buddy, huh?"

"Certainly." I could hear her chuckle as she followed me upstairs. I could still hear Haley’s playing in my head. "You know, I always thought the ability to read music was so cool. Just a bunch of symbols and odd-looking little lines."

"Do you play any instruments, Andi?" I glanced at her over my shoulder as I hit the top of the stairs.

"Are you kidding? I can’t even keep the beat with a spoon against my thigh." She grabbed her purse from the coat hanger mounted on the wall.

"I could teach you."

"Really? Does that mean you could teach the blind to see?" She grinned, shaking her head.

"I doubt you’re as bad as you seem to think. If you don’t like it, you can always stop." We headed into the kitchen.

"You girls have fun." Haley’s mom said, standing at the sink washing dishes.

"See you later, mom."

We hurried out the garage door, both giddy and excited like school girls. Well, we are school girls, but we were still excited. Haley and I had spent nearly every day together in one way or another, since the beginning of November. If she wasn’t at my place, or I wasn’t at hers during the weekends, then she took me home after school, and often made some surprise stop along the way. Usually for food or to play pool.

Tracy and I did things together on occasion, but I’d never really had a friend like Haley, that I spent a great deal of time with, and that I had shared so much with. I remembered one day when she’d been up in my room, and had turned to look at my Beanie Baby collection.

"Okay, Andi, now explain this obsession to me?" She grabbed one, looking at Bam the Ram.

"I don’t know. My father got me my first baby for my birthday about five or six years ago. He may be a jerk, but I loved the Beanie. So, I started to collect them. Getting them for my birthday, and Christmas."

"Oh, this is so cute." Haley put the ram down, and grabbed Suki the Karate Bear. She looked at me, a huge smile on her face.

"My mom got that for me when I got my first black belt." I smiled, remembering how proud my mom had been that she’d found it. "It’s my favorite."

"Andi?" Startled, I looked at my passenger.

"What?"

"Where did you go? Are you going to let me in the car, or would you rather I ran alongside?"

"Sorry." I grinned. We both got into the car, and we were on our way. "Music." I finally said. "Actually, I’ve always wanted to learn how to play something." I glanced at her.

"Really?" I nodded. "Cool." Her smile was huge. "I’ll tell you what, I’ll teach you the piano if you’ll teach me Tae Kwon Do." My heart soared. She was really interested in that? The thought of sharing something with her that was so close to my heart filled me with joy.

"You got a deal."

"Woohoo! I’m so excited. I’ve always thought martial arts were so cool."

The drive was nice, we chatted about anything and everything, Haley excited for school to get out.

"Can you believe this is my last Christmas in high school?" my stomach fell, but how could I let her know I was bummed when her voice radiated so much excitement? I knew that like me, Haley just wanted to get on with her life, go to college, and begin her career. "So what will you do without me here?" She smiled at me; I glanced at her. I shrugged.

"Celebrate?"

"Andi." I grinned as I felt her smack my leg.

"Well, I’ll miss you." I looked at her as I stopped for a traffic light. She was already looking at me.

"Will you?"

"Sure. Where else can I find a nut who dresses up as a plain M&M?" She smiled, very sweet, her head falling back against the head rest.

"I’ll miss you, too, Andi." I was surprised for some reason. I mean, logic tells you she will, but my self-confidence, well, or lack thereof, told me differently. "I mean, we can still write emails, and call on the phone, and stuff."

"Where are you going for school?"

"I’ve been accepted at UCLA." I looked at her briefly as the light turned green, and I drove on.

"Outstanding, Haley. Congratulations."

"Thanks. What about you? What do you want to do, anyway?"

"I’m not sure. I have looked at some schools on the east coast, MIT, Dartmouth. They have a wonderful doctorate program there for what I want to do."

"Which is?"

"Molecular biology."

"Wow. Well, I know you certainly have the grades for it."

"Well, a lot will depend on what kinds of scholarships I can get. There’s no way my mom can pay for that, and I can pay for some, but tuition at those places are unreal." I felt Haley’s hand on my arm.

"I know you’ll figure out a way, Andi. You’re just smart like that." I smiled at her.

"Thanks. Hey, what do you plan to do at UCLA, anyway?"

"Well, as of right now I’m looking into psychiatry."

"Wow. A good ol’ headshrinker, eh?" She glared at me, I smiled.

I pulled into the parking lot of the mall, which was, of course, already filled with cars. It was, after all, the biggest shopping day of the year. Row after row of cars of every make, color and state of health. Finding a spot near the very back of the north lot, I turned the car off and turned to Haley, who was nearly vibrating in her seat.

"Are we a little excited?" I grinned. She nodded vigorously. "Come on, you nut."

"Have you ever been here, before?" she asked, zipping her coat. It was a cold one today, already. I hated to think what it would be like once we left.

"Many moons ago. I must have been around ten or eleven."

"Oh, I love this place." Haley got the cutest look on her face, so excited and happy. We had made plans to do this last weekend, and I had been looking forward to it all week. I had never gone Christmas shopping with a friend before, nor had I really had any friends to buy for. I had spent much of last night trying to decide what I’d get her. Now I also had a birthday gift to find, though I had an idea for that.

"Wow." I looked around the massive building as we walked through the front doors, the ceiling seeming to go on forever with stores lining the walls, and venders in the center of the large hallways. People walked, many already carrying packages. Christmas trees were everywhere, wreaths hung, Christmas music piped in. Green, red and gold were everywhere you looked. Even the mall’s trash cans looked festive with snowflakes all over them.

I could already hear the music and laughter coming from Camp Snoopy, the theme park in the middle of the mall.

"Okay, so where do you want to start? Do you like Legos?" I looked at her to see if she was serious.

"Legos?"

"Yeah, you know, the little plastic building blocks?" I narrowed my eyes.

"I’m not quite that out of the loop."

"Well, good. Because before the day is over we’re heading to the Lego Imagination Center." She began to walk, I hurried to catch up.

* * *

I licked my ice cream cone, the chocolate beginning to run down the waffle cone to my fingers. Haley laughed at me as I attempted to lick up the mess, but I just succeeded in making an even worse one.

"Here." She managed to gasp out between bouts of laughter. I grabbed the napkin she offered, wiped my mouth and hand. I still had about a third of my ice cream to go, yet I was afraid to see where it would be by the end if I was already able to make such a mess. "Just like a little kid, I can’t take you anywhere." Haley stuck her tongue out to lick her own cone.

"Yeah, bite me." I muttered around a mouthful.

"Where?" I glanced at her, and saw her smirk. "Come on. I want to go there." She pointed at the Odyssey Café. I looked at her, then at her nearly finished ice cream cone, and back to her face.

"Haley? How can you possible eat anything substantial when you’re about to finish a massive ice cream cone?" She shrugged, popping the last bit of the cone into her mouth. "Can you wait like even half an hour? If I stick anything else in my mouth right now, it will come back out, looking not as pretty as it did going in, for certain." She swallowed the cone, and nodded.

"I can wait."

"Cool. Hang on, I want to see what’s nearby." I walked over to the mall directory, and a grin spread across my face.

"What?" I slowly looked from the directory to Haley.

"I have a confession to make." Her brows drew. I pointed to a store on the map. "I am obsessed with this place." She looked to see where my fingers was, then at me.

"Eddie Bauer?"

"They have got the greatest hiking boots there." Haley looked down at my feet.

"You have a nice pair on right now."

"I know." I turned, and headed for the elevators to take us to where Eddie lived.

"Never in a million years would I have pegged you for someone who shopped in a place like that." She grinned as she stepped inside the car. The doors closed, and we headed up.

"I know. It’s not something that I’m particularly proud of, but I have a thing for great boots and tank tops. Where Eddie may fall short on those, he definitely makes up for them in boots, and nifty little gadgets. Old Navy, now that’s the place to be for tanks."

"Eddie? You two do lunch often?"

"All the time." She shook her head. I looked at her as she watched the crowds below us through the glass walls of the elevator. My gaze traveled down her profile, the straight nose, full lips, nice, defined jaw and long neck. Haley was beautiful, there was just no other word for it. As I watched, one of her hands came up and absently pushed her hair out of the collar of her jacket, and back to lie in dark, shiny waves around her shoulders. I don’t think I had ever seen her with her hair down before, except for first thing in the morning when one of us would stay at the other’s house. Her hair was gorgeous, thick and dark, healthy. The contrast with her blue eyes was stunning.

Realizing I was staring, I turned away, though reluctantly.

"Eddie, I’m home." I grinned as we walked into the store. Of course, as soon as we walked through the door we were bombarded by sales people. Just like swarming flies. I hated that.

I made my way to the back wall where all the boots were displayed in all their glory. Haley stood beside me.

"So, shoes are your fetish, huh?" I nodded. "I have one, too." I glanced at her. "It’s sunglasses. Would you be sickened to know I have seven pairs?"

"Seven?" I headed toward a particularly beautiful boot that I had to see up close and get personal with.

"Yep. Seven." Suddenly a quiet, but shrill ringing began to sound from Haley’s purse. "Hang on." She took the small cell out, and turned it on. "Hello?" I watched her for a moment, then walked away a few steps to give her some privacy. "Hey, Kelly. What’s up? I’m at Mall of America with Andi. Yes, Andi Littman." I could hear irritation in Haley’s voice. "Yes I did. Kelly, I did, too. I told you last Tuesday. We’re Christmas shopping. Of course we’ll go, too. Yeah, bye." With a sigh, she closed the phone up, and stuck it back in her purse. She walked over to me, not looking happy. I had an idea of what had happened, and decided to just keep up our other conversation so she wouldn’t be upset.

"My, lord. Well, I guess you have one pair for every day of the week, then." She grinned and walked away to look at a pair of shoes.

I asked a store clerk to find my size in the boot I had in my hand, knowing full well that chances were slim to none that I’d actually buy them. I had my car to think about. Every penny I saved would get me more money and a better car in the long run.

"Oh, those are nice." I heard in my ear. I felt Haley behind me, looking at the boot I held in my hands, over my shoulder.

"Thanks. I had the guy get my size from the back."

"Really?" She moved around to face me, taking the hiking boot in her hands to examine it better. She looked at me. "You going to buy them?" I shook my head.

"Nah. Just torture myself, you know."

"Oh, come on, Andi. You’re making the guy do the work, and how many bills do you really have?"

"Well none, but,"

"Then, what’s the problem?" She dangled the boot in front of my face by the shoestrings. "You know you want them."

"Stop. You’re trying to make me be irresponsible."

"Yeah, basically."

"Here you are, miss." I turned, and found the box with the boots in them in my hands. "Can I do anything else for you?" He looked at us both. I shook my head.

"No, thanks." With a smile and a nod, he left us alone.

"Don’t you hear that, Andi? That high-pitched plea? They’re calling your name. They’re saying, Andi, buy us, buy us. We’ll treat your feet right."

"Ah, jeez." I pushed her away and sat down on the chair, quickly untying my shoes to try these on. Haley watched intently. I slid my foot in.

"How does that feel?"

"Good."

"Of course it does." She knelt down in front of me and began to lace the boot up. "Andi, you rarely spend any money on yourself. I mean, it’s not good to do it often, but once in a while. Hell, get yourself something for Christmas in the way of these boots."

"Dude, what is your deal with these boots?" I laughed, moving my foot around, turning at the ankle to see how comfortable they were. She untied my other boot, slipping it off my foot, putting the new boot on it.

"Well, I want you to be happy. If these make you happy, then so be it."

Fifteen minutes later we walked toward the elevator, me looking down at the new boots as I carried the old ones in the box of the new ones in a bag.

"How does that feel?" I gave Haley a grin in reply. She smiled, patted me on the back. "Go, you."

"Rah."

We were seated at the Rainforest Café, and I looked at her.

"You know you’re a terrible influence on me, right?" She nodded.

"Sure."

"Great."

"I’ve always liked hiking boots on people. I think they’re sexy."

"Sexy, huh?" The waitress gave us menus, and took our drink order.

"Yeah, sexy. They’re rugged, speak of danger and adventure." I laughed, slapping my hand on the table.

"Where on earth do you come up with this stuff, Haley?" she shrugged.

"Who knows. But it’s true."

* * *

I helped Haley lug in all her packages from the back seat of the car. She was so proud that she’d gotten all of her Christmas shopping done today. Then I headed home. I planned to turn my project in on Monday, so decided to get it all together, and ready.

But first, I wanted to get all of my own gifts in order, and begin wrapping them. We had put up our Christmas tree yesterday after dinner, and there was already one, very small, gift under it. Being sneaky, I saw that it had my name on it.

I hurried up to my room with my bags in tow, and plopped them all down on the floor. My old boots were put aside, then I went through what I had bought my mom and brother, Tracy, then the last two bags were for Haley. I smiled as I looked at the soft, green bear named Kicks. A little soccer ball was embroidered to his chest. I didn’t know if she’d like the Beanie Baby or not, but I figured she’d at least get a kick out of it. I grinned at the soft Koosh, large and blue and red, our school colors. Luckily she was easily distracted, so I could buy them for her without her noticing.

The other gift, which would be for Christmas, I was especially excited for.

I ran downstairs to the basement and the closet where we kept all gift wrap and bows, and hurried back upstairs to my room.

Twenty minutes later, I was back downstairs, piling my offerings under the tree.

"I’m going to be online!" I yelled so Chris and mom, wherever they were, could hear, and not pick up the phone. Taking the stairs two at a time, I hurried to my room, and switched on the computer. I had all my notes, sketches and information all around my desk for easy access. I began to type up my report.

You have received an instant message from CometBaby. Do you wish to respond?

My brows drew, then it hit me. I grinned, and clicked on yes.

CometBaby says:

Hey, boot-scootin’ girl. How goes it?

Mtn85 says:

Not bad. How about you?

CometBaby says:

Good. I have some homework to do, so I logged on. Plus I’m bored.

Mtn85 says:

Bored???? You just got home from a full day of shopping!

CometBaby says:

I know, I know. Call me ungrateful.

Mtn85 says:

Ungrateful

CometBaby says:

: p

I chuckled as my fingers rested on the keyboard, trying to decide what to say next. Haley beat me to it.

CometBaby says:

So, did you have fun today?

Mtn85 says:

I did. You?

CometBaby says:

Very much so. You’re fun to shop with.

I grinned like an idiot.

Mtn85 says:

Awww, garsh. Thanks. So are you.

CometBaby says:

J So are you bummed you didn’t get to sit on Santa’s lap today?

Mtn85 says:

Lol. Not really. Can’t say Santa’s my type. Old, fat and gray, nah.

CometBaby says:

Lol! I’m sorry to hear that. So what are you wearing?

I chuckled, looking down at myself. I’d been home nearly an hour, and had changed into flannel pants and a tank.

Mtn85 says:

A parka.

CometBaby says:

Really? That’s interesting. Cold in your room, is it?

Mtn85 says:

Maybe.

CometBaby says:

So what’s under the parka?

Mtn85 says:

A scarf.

CometBaby says:

(chuckle) I see. I’ll bet you’re wearing a tank and jeans. Am I close?

I glanced at the window, almost expecting to see Haley peeking in at me.

Mtn85 says:

Not too bad! But no, not quite.

CometBaby says:

Hmm… how about a parka, a scarf, a tank, and a potato masher. Am I getting warmer?

Mtn85 says:

Umm, ow? Where would I be hiding that masher if you were right?

I looked down at myself, imagining the very few, and very uncomfortable places a large metal object like that could fit. I crossed my legs as my fingers raced on the keys as I tried to write back before she could.

Mtn85 says:

What about you? Where’s the infamous Koosh?

CometBaby says:

: p Wouldn’t you like to know. And as for the masher… I don’t know where you’d put it, you’re the one that sleeps with one at night. I’m not into that kind of metal.

Mtn85 says:

No, you’re into the soft, limp spine, kind.

CometBaby says:

I don’t think so much it’s the soft, limp spines as the rubber.

I laughed out loud. At this rate, I’d never get anything done.

Mtn85 says:

Well, with a solo performance, you shouldn’t need the rubber.

CometBaby says:

How would you know? Besides, it never hurts to be safe. And, many things are made of rubber; not just those.

I found myself blushing, thinking of all the wondrous rubber objects out there. Then I thought to one night when I’d caught Chris watching Cinemax late at night. He had been watching a soft porn movie, and I had ended up watching with him.

Mtn85 says:

Well, there are different sizes, even ribbed or ones with little nubs on them. Nubs rubs for more pleasure, after all.

CometBaby says:

Okay, Trojan man.

Mtn85 says:

That’s Ms. Trojan man to you, and who’s talking about condoms?

CometBaby says:

Certainly not I. I was discussing the Trojan army. What’s on your mind?

I grinned.

Mtn85 says:

A good friend of Helen, are you?

CometBaby says:

I’m friends with people who think they’re Helen. Does that count?"

Mtn85 says:

Lol I can think of a few.

CometBaby says:

How is the psych project coming along? Have you found out what makes men envious of women?

Mtn85 says:

It’s going well, just about done. Who wouldn’t be envious of women? (grin)

CometBaby says:

That’s true. We get to have the pain of childbirth, have our periods, have mood swings, PMS. Who wouldn’t want to be a woman?

Mtn85 says:

True, true. But at least we’re good-looking.

CometBaby says:

And able to think without going below the belt.

I grinned. "Very true, Haley."

Mtn85 says:

If you could be a man for a day, would you?

CometBaby says:

Just for a day?

Mtn85 says:

Yup.

CometBaby says:

Hell yeah! I’ve always wanted to see what goes on in those locker rooms, and if it’s just like everybody says.

I drew my brow.

Mtn85 says:

What does everybody say?

CometBaby says:

That all they discuss is girls, and they compare dick sizes, and stuff. I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to have one of those.

Mtn85 says:

Me, too. This knowledge goes no further than this computer screen, you got me?

CometBaby says:

Threats, threats. And why is that?

Mtn85 says:

Because it’s embarrassing, and I’ll have to hunt you down and your little Koosh, too.

CometBaby says:

No, no! Not my Koosh! You can have anything; my dignity, my self-respect, but not my Koosh!

Mtn85 says:

Nut.

CometBaby says:

Yeah, and?

Mtn85 says:

Do I have your word or not?

CometBaby says:

Thinking… okay.

Mtn85 says:

I wanted to know what it was like to have a peepee like Chris. So, I grabbed a whole wad of toilet paper, and stuffed it into my underwear, and went to school that way. It’s quite odd.

CometBaby says:

(chuckling)

Mtn85 says:

Yeah, yeah. So I’m weird, so sue me.

CometBaby says:

Ah, such bribe material.

Mtn85 says:

May your Koosh rest in pieces.

I covered my eyes, not believing I had told her that. Nobody knew that story but me.

CometBaby says:

Oh, so was that what the bulge was last week?

Mtn85 says:

No, I was just happy to see you. And why were you looking there anyway?

Oh god, I am being corrupted.

CometBaby says:

Well you hide the other bulges with large clothes, what was I supposed to be looking at?

I gulped.

Mtn85 says:

Bite me.

CometBaby says:

And again, I ask where? Is there some biting fetish you have along with hiking boots?

Mtn85 says:

You’re a nut, Haley. But, I need to get this stuff done. See you at school?

CometBaby says:

Yeah, that works. I’ve been a very bad girl, not doing my homework.

Mtn85 says:

Spank you, child.

CometBaby says:

Oh, hurt me, daddy. Hurt me.

Mtn85 says:

LMAO! Goodbye, freak.

CometBaby says:

Lol Bye.

I logged off, still staring at the computer screen, shaking my head.

* * *

I grabbed a knife from the drawer, and began to cut into the fresh pan of brownies mom had made last night at my request. It was Tuesday, and I figured I’d give Haley a birthday brownie.

Sliding it into a baggie, I grabbed my backpack, and hurried out the door when I heard the familiar honking.

"Hey, you." Haley said with a smile as I climbed into her car.

"Hi." I looked at her, held up a finger, and turned away from her. I dug the brownie out, took it from the bag, then dug the single candle out of my coat pocket, along with a lighter.

"What are you doing, Andi?

"Hang on, oh impatient one." I lit the tiny wick, then turned around, the brownie in my palm with the one birthday candle. Haley looked at it, her eyes opening wide in surprise. "Happy birthday."

"Oh, Andi." She breathed. She looked at me. "How did you know?" I shrugged, not daring to tell her I was looking her up on the internet. What kind of a dork would that make me look like? Not to mention a stalker.

"A little birdy told me."

"Thank you." She took the brownie, and pulled me into a hug. I closed my eyes, enjoying her reaction, as well as the hug. Yup, I done good. She pulled away from me, and blew out the candle.

"Did you make a wish?" I asked, grabbing my backpack off the floor of the car.

"Sure did." She took the candle out, and began to munch on the brownie. "God, I love these things."

"I know you do. Here." I handed her the two wrapped gifts. She looked at them, then up at me, more shock on her face.

"Oh, Andi. You shouldn’t have."

"Of course not, but I did." She took them from me, smiling at the blue and green wrapping paper with little fish swimming, happy birthday written in their bubbles. She tore into the paper, and laughed when she saw the Koosh.

"This is so great! This thing is huge."

"I know. I wanted to get you a bigger one than your current bedmate." She grinned, running the soft spines across her cheek.

"I always loved the way these felt." Setting it aside, she turned to the other gift, and opened it with as much vigor and excitement as the first. "Oh, Andi. He’s adorable. What’s his name?" She looked at me, the Beanie Bear held to her chest.

"Kicks."

"Kicks. I know where he’s going." She hugged the bear to her again, then looked at me. "I can’t thank you enough for all this."

"Not a problem. Why didn’t you tell me?"

"Well," Haley set Kicks and the Koosh aside, and started up the car. We were already late for school. "Birthdays have never been real big in my family, and my friends have just learned over the years to not really do much. Generally we just end up going out, or something. Kelly and Heather are taking me out Friday night." She pulled onto the street, and drove, a bit fast, toward Winston High. "So I don’t want you to think that I was intentionally keeping this from you, or anything, Andi. I guess I just really didn’t think about it."

"Okay. Fair enough. How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"Wow. You’re old."

"Bite me."

"Where?"

"See? You’re learning."

* * *

"Crap." I had lost my second game in a row of Literati. I knew I could beat this chick, I had before. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN? "Damn straight, I do." I hit yes, and off we went. It was Friday night, and I was totally energized from the week, cheesed about getting an A on my psych project, and another week down before school was out. It was nearly midnight, and I had been at this for three hours already.

Tap, tap.

I looked up from the screen, listening. Nothing.

I looked at the letters I had been given, and tucked my lower lip in the chew on it as I thought.

Tap, tap, tap.

"What the hell is that?" I looked in the direction of where I’d heard the noise, and it was my window. I stood, walked over to it.

Tap.

I pushed the window open, BAM!

"Ah!" I brought my hands to my forehead, a fierce stinging there. Shaking my head, I looked out to see Haley standing in the front yard, her hands covering her mouth.

"I’m sorry," she yelled up, as quietly as she could.

"Do you try to get me hurt on purpose?" She shook her head, I rubbed mine.

"Come out," she hissed, trying to not wake the entire neighborhood, beckoning me with her hand.

"What?"

"Come on." She pointed to her car parked at the curb. Feeling like a derelict, as I had never snuck out before, I quickly closed the window, and scurried around for some clothes, throwing off the sweats and tank I was in, and pulling on a pair of jeans and sweatshirt, tugging on my new boots without even lacing them. I heard the distant rumble of Haley’s car starting up, and made my way downstairs, grabbing my wallet and house keys along the way.

I felt like a guilty rat as I quietly closed the front door behind me, feeling like I should have woken my mom to tell her what I was doing. I know she would have let me go. But, such is life.

"Hey, sorry about the head." She looked at it, bringing her hand up to touch. "Oh, Andi, there’s a little bit of blood." She grimaced. "I’m sorry."

"It’s okay. What are you dong here? I feel like my boyfriend is coming to my window in the middle of the night." She grinned.

"Well, maybe I’m here to take you on a date." She laughed.

"What are you doing here?"

"Why? Do you mind my being here?"

"Nope. Just wondering."

"Well, I just dropped Kelly and Heather off, and wanted to spend some time with you." A sudden feeling of warmth spread through me as a smile spread across my face. Aw, gee.

"Okay, well let’s go."

"I have absolutely no idea what’s open still."

"Well, where did you guys go?"

"To someone’s house for a party."

"Oh." I looked around to see the dark streets and businesses. Up ahead came tons of lights from a huge parking lot. We both looked at each other.

"Wal-Mart?" she asked. I nodded.

"Wal-Mart."

Haley pulled into the nearly empty parking lot of the super center, and parked under one of the lights. We got out of the car into the cold night, and hurried inside the massive store.

We walked in, and of course this late there wasn’t a door greeter.

"Hungry?" Haley asked, looking at a table full of containers of cookies, the gooey frosted kind that I love.

"A little." I looked at the cookies, reaching out to touch the smooth plastic of the container.

"You like these?" They were the holiday ones, frosted red and green with little candy sprinkles. I looked at her and nodded. She grabbed one, and continued on. I followed, wondering where she was going. "I think this is the most empty I have ever seen this place."

"No kidding." I turned down the main aisle, headed for electronics. Haley followed, looking around as we walked, passing the jewelry department, then the photo development place, turned left and there it was. I loved electronics, and always said that if I have a good enough job when I got older, I would have every type of technology I could get my greedy little hands on. "Oh, look at that." I looked at the huge flat screen TV that was on display.

"Yeah, and look at that price tag. Ouch."

"Some day, you will be mine. Oh, look at that DVD player! It can play up to three DVDs at a time, plus has a burner." I hurried down the aisle, passing the bored Wal-Mart employee, and began to play with all the buttons and gizmos the piece of equipment had. I glanced over at Haley to see her watching me, a bemused look on her face. "Sorry. I tend to get a bit carried away."

"So I see. Come on, let’s go look at all the holiday stuff. I love those massive snowmen and Santa Clauses they have for your front yard."

I turned away from the DVD players, and followed Haley with every intention of leaving, but then I was stopped yet again.

"Oh, look at all those Play Station games." I walked up to the locked, glass case, my hands on the doors as I looked at them all, just waiting for me to buy them. I saw the control out of the corner of my eye where you could test games, and began to reach for it when my hand was taken by Haley. I looked at her.

"Uh huh. I will lose you for the night, then I’ll have to explain to your mother why you are still at Wal-Mart. Let’s go." She tugged on my hand, and with one last, wistful glance at the game cabinet, I followed. Haley held on to my hand as we went, I guess afraid that I’d break free and run back to my homeland of the battery and electric-powered machines.

The part of the store where the garden stuff is kept during the summer time, was lit up and decorated like a winter wonderland. Aisle upon aisle of Christmas ornaments, decorations, yard ornaments, and Christmas cards. I wasn’t real huge on Christmas, but this place could turn the biggest Scrooge into a believer.

"Do you like Christmas, Andi?" Haley asked as she picked up one of those battery-powered Santas that played "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer", and danced along. She pushed the red button to make it go, and we both giggled, watching as the jolly old man’s belly jiggled in time to the music.

"Eh, not traditionally. You?"

"Oh, I love Christmas. My family usually goes all out every year. You know, we have the grandparents, aunts and uncles, and the entire clan. It used to be great when I was a kid, then I had an entire playground of kids at my disposal." She grinned. "But, as you get a little older, everyone changes so much, and you just lose that. So, we’ll just have to see how it goes this year." I looked at her, imagining a little Haley running around, playing with all her cousins, fighting over toys and places at the "grown-up" table.

"Andi?"

"Huh?" Haley was looking at me, brows drawn.

"Where did you go?"

"Little Haley’s house." She looked at me for a moment, then a slow, adorable smile began to spread from ear to ear.

"Aww, you’re so adorable." Funny, that’ s what I was just thinking about you. She walked toward me, her arms open wide. I looked at them, then at her as she got closer. Did she want a hug? "Come here, you." I guess so. I found myself swallowed up in a massive embrace, my face pinned to her neck, the warmth of her body almost overwhelming. I felt strange, suddenly, like I was guilty of a crime that I didn’t commit. I wanted to get away from her physically. Needed to get away. I almost felt like she would be able to read my thoughts.

Finally, thankfully, she pulled away, and headed down a nearby aisle. I stood where I was, struck by the feeling running through me. I felt alive, energized, and, I wasn’t sure, but I think turned on. I had noticed beautiful women my entire life, the way they talk, the way they move, wanting to be like them, admiring them. And, I had noticed Haley long before she’d ever noticed me. She had had my admiration for almost three years now.

I shook my thoughts back into the cobwebbed corners where they belonged, and hurried to follow Haley.

* * *

"Andrea, honey, wake up." My eyes fluttered open to see my mom standing over my bed, a huge smile on her face.

"What? What’s wrong?"

"Everything’s fine. I just wanted to give you this now." I looked to see what she had in her hand, and it was the small wrapped gift that had been under the tree since Thanksgiving.

"But mom, Christmas is still a week away."

"I know. But this is a special gift." Liking the sound of that, I pushed myself up, grinning the entire time.

"What time is it?" I asked as I took the gift from my mom.

"It’s nearly six."

I carefully took the beautiful green bow off, setting it aside, as I dug in. My eyes bulged when I saw the check for seven thousand dollars wrapped around a gold keyring with my name engraved in it. I looked up at her, my eyes stinging as tears immediately came to them.

"I promised you I’d match you dollar for dollar, honey. You have done so well with saving your money for this car, that I think it’s time we go look now."

"Really? Today?" She nodded. Grasping the check in my fingers, I launched myself at her, holding her tight. "Thank you so much, mom. I love you."

"I love you, too, honey. But, well, you’re choking me."

"Oh, I’m sorry." I pulled away, quickly swiping at a pesky tear that had managed to slip from my eye.

"Get dressed. Your bank opens at seven. I thought I’d take you to breakfast, then we’d deposit this, and go car hunting." She leaned in and kissed my on the forehead, her face the picture of pride. I smiled back at her, loving her more and more each day. She was my best friend.

Once she had left, I contemplated calling Haley to tell her the great news, but decided I’d surprise her with the car, instead. Oh, I couldn’t wait.

My mom had been saving for some time for this, I knew. It had been a plan we’d made many years ago. As soon as I got a job, I would start saving. And I had. Luckily I had found a job that paid more than the average kid my age made. So now I had fourteen thousand dollars to buy my first car.

* * *

"So, what is the deal with Clive? Is he going to leave Diane or not?" I scraped the rest of my eggs together with the little bit of toast I had, and shoved the whole thing into my mouth.

"Well, he has moved out of the house."

"Really? When did that happen?" My mom took a sip from her coffee, grimacing.

"Wow, that’s strong." She poured in a little bit more cream, then stirred. "Last Monday."

"Right before the holidays. That’s got to be rough for all involved."

"Well, the boys miss their dad, from what Clive says. But, he plans to fight for them once he files."

"Which will be when?" My mom flagged the waiter down for some more coffee, and I asked for another orange juice. She sighed.

"I’m not sure. I’ve told him that I love him, and would love to spend more time with him, but I just don’t feel right about this entire situation." She poured a packet of diet sugar into her cup of fresh brew, the waiter had finally just brought her own carafe. About time, after filling her mug three times.

"You mean with Diane?" I took a large sip from my juice, wiped my mouth of its orange juice mustache.

"Well, Diane treats Clive like shit, there’s just no other way to put it. But, I feel bad for Johnny and Alan."

"How old are they now?"

"Oh, gosh, let me think. Johnny is just a bit younger than you, I think, and Alan just turned nine."

"Wow." I shook my head sadly. "It’s not easy."

"Nope. Well," my mom slapped her hands on her knees. "You ready?" I grinned, nodding.

We scooted out of the booth, and my mom paid the bill. As we got back into the car, I looked around it, realizing this would probably be the last time I’d be carted around as a passenger in it. How exciting! I could drive myself to school, and to work, though I’d have to supplement the workout I usually got with the walks or riding my bike with something else. That was fine by me.

We pulled into the car lot of new and used cars, and my excitement level skyrocketed. I wondered if we’d still be here if my mom knew I had snuck out with Haley.

"Can I help you ladies?" We turned to see a car salesman heading straight for us. I didn’t want him around. I wanted just me and my mom to enjoy this. We’d have to deal with them in time.

"No thank you. We’ll let you know when we do." Go mom. I smiled at her. She grinned and winked at me. "Okay, sweet pea, what are you looking for?" I shrugged, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.

"I’m not sure."

"Well, living here, and especially if you go to school on the east coast, you want something that will be good in the snow. "Something that’s reliable."

"Okay. I can do that." We began to walk through row upon row of cars, trucks, SUVs, vans, even a motorcycle or two. For shits and giggles, I even test drove a candy apple red Miata.

But then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit me. I saw in the far row what I wanted.

"That’s it."

"What?" My mom followed my gaze, then looked at me. "You want a station wagon?"

"No, the Jeep Cherokee next to it."

"Oh, that is nice. Come on, let’s look at it." We hurried over to the car, it was a beautiful, deep forest green, and when I pressed my face to the window, I saw it even had leather interior. "What’s the sticker price?" my mom asked, looking at the tires and undercarriage. I went around to the driver’s side, and my shoulders slumped as my heart fell.

"Sixteen thousand."

My mom stood, looked at me as she chewed on her bottom lip. Then she saw the car salesman walking around, trying not to look as if he were following us.

"Hey, mister, we need you now."

* * *

I sat at the stoplight, my mom in the Outback in front of me. I looked around my new car, which was a year old, but I didn’t care. She was mine, now. I was so excited, I could barely contain it. Mom had managed to talk that salesman down to fourteen, so the price was perfect. Life was sweet. I looked over at the passenger seat, wishing Haley was there right now. I had missed her all day, though I had loved the time alone with my mom. That was so rare these days with both of our schedules.

The car had been bought with the understanding that should a mechanic find anything wrong with it, I could return it. I would have Chris look at it as soon as we got home. He was a wiz with cars and engines, and it was his passion. It was odd sitting so high up off the street, though the Outback wasn’t a low car, it wasn’t an SUV.

The light turned green, and I drove on. I felt so free, like, I’m not sure what I felt like. I guess for lack of a better term, I felt like an adult.

Mom parked her car along the curb in front of the house, and I parked in the driveway so Chris could get a good look at everything. I was bummed as I turned off the engine, not wanting the drive to be over, yet. I wanted to stay behind the wheel, and just drive, wherever I wanted to go. Well, after I picked up Haley, that is.

"Where’s Chris?" I asked, after finally getting out of the car.

"I don’t know. I haven’t gone into the house yet." My mom laughed at me and my excitement, which completely robbed me of any patience. She put her arm around my shoulders, and we headed into the house. It was after ten, so I figured he’s have his lazy butt out of bed, then I heard the water from the shower.

"Damnit, hurry up, Chris." I muttered.

"He’ll be out soon, honey. Don’t worry. I’m going to go call the insurance company."

The deal was, she helped me with the money, and I paid for half the car, but also gas and insurance. I was grateful just to have a car.

Finally the water cut off, and my brother hurried down the stairs, pulling his shirt over his head.

"What did you get?" He looked out the front window, and saw my jeep in the driveway. "Oh, nice." Out the front door he went, me on his heels. While Chris did his thing, I waited impatiently, asking tons of questions

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Chris slid out from under the jeep, wiping his hands on the rag he had brought under with him.

"It looks great, Andi. You should be good to go."

"Great! Thanks, freak." I punched playfully on the shoulder, and hurried around to the driver’s side. "Tell mom I went to Haley’s."

I started her up, and backed out of the driveway.

Haley’s house was quiet, her car parked on the side of the garage as per usual. I pulled the parking break, and headed out to the front door. I stood, my hands clasped in front of me as I waited for someone to answer the doorbell. I heard the locks undone on the other side, and the door opened.

"Oh, hello, Mrs. Corregan."

"Hi, Andi. How are you?"

"I’m doing well, thank you. Is Haley here?" I was about to bubble over with excitement, using every bit of self-control I had to not jump around on the front porch.

"Oh, no, hon. She went shopping today with Kelly."

"Oh." I felt my heart sink, and I wanted to cry. So how would she be the first one for me to give a ride to? Why wasn’t she here to see my surprise? This was such a momentous occasion in my life, and she wasn’t even home to see it.

"Kelly came and picked her up around nine. She should be back home this afternoon, though. Can I give her a message for you?"

"Well, I got my car today." I felt really stupid, suddenly. Was this as big of a deal as I thought it was? Why would Haley care? She already had a car.

"Oh, Andi, that’s wonderful." Haley’s mom smiled brightly. "Is that it?" she pointed to my baby at the curb. I nodded. "What a beautiful car. Congratulations." Before I knew it, I was pulled into a hug. "You must be so proud."

"Yes, I am." I just wanted out of there. "Okay, well, I guess just tell her I came by."

"I will do that. Congratulations again, hon."

"Thanks." I gave her as good a smile as I could muster, and turned away to head back to the Jeep.

I sat at my desk, staring out the window. I could see my car from there, and wanted so badly to be out in it, shopping again, with Haley. Why wasn’t she home today? I had never just shown up at her house unannounced, and the one time that I managed to garner enough courage to do just that, she’s gone. Why would she go shopping with Kelly when she had finished all her Christmas shopping with me? What can Kelly add to the shopping experience that I couldn’t give her?

Fuck it. I knew I shouldn’t put much stock into this thing with Haley. I wasn’t even sure if it could be labeled as a friendship. She had her fun, and now it was back to her little loyal bunch of groupies.

I turned on my computer, and began to play Literati.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door, and glanced at the clock on the computer screen, shocked to see it was nearly three in the afternoon.

"Come in."

The door squeaked open, and I felt arms slide around my neck, and a cold cheek against mine. What the?

"Congratulations, Andi," said a low voice. I wanted to smile, but my stubborn side wouldn’t allow that.

"Thanks." My voice held no emotion, just dry.

"What’s wrong?" The arms pulled away, and I turned to see Haley staring at me.

"Did you have fun?" I asked, my words far more biting than I’d intended. I crossed my arms over my chest. Haley took a small step back.

"What? Fun? What are you talking about?"

"I heard you went shopping with Kelly. Guess my time is up, huh?" Haley’s head cocked to the side, her mouth opening a bit. I could tell she was surprised by this.

"I don’t understand. I told Kelly we’d go Christmas shopping. We go every year. What’s the problem?"

"Nothing."

"Don’t give me that, Andi. What did I do?" She put her hands on her hips, trying to read anything from my face, but I gave her nothing.

"I guess our friendship isn’t enough." I looked down, feeling dejected, but doing my best to hide it.

"Andi, Kelly and I have been friends since birth, basically. She and I will always be friends. I don’t get what’s wrong." She stared at me, I looked back up at her, my face stern and stone. She brought her hand up to her face and began to chew on her thumbnail, looking at me the entire time, then began to pace around the room, not looking at anything, just moving. I didn’t understand it, and I hated the silence. I watched her every move, trying to see what she’d do. I felt anxious, fidgety. Then Haley stopped, turned to me.

"You know what, Andi?" I didn’t answer. My pride was still flying entirely too high at that point. "You set me up to fail. Because of some asshole who decided to pick on you two years ago, I have to pay. Yeah, Jimmy is an ass, and yes, what he did was wrong. But I didn’t do it. I never made you any false promises, I never made fun of you, and I never used you. The only thing I did was like you for who you are. That’s a hell of a lot more than you can claim for yourself." I stared at her, now my mouth hanging open. She ran her hands through her hair, walking around my room as I imagined she got her emotions under control.

"I have spent so much time with you in the past couple of months," she continued before I could even get a word in, even if I had wanted to. "Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I like you, Andi. But I do have other friends, and I cannot, and will not just drop them to the wayside because you don’t like them, or want to monopolize all my time. I want to spend time with you. Hell, I’m here right now, aren’t I?" I said nothing. "Aren’t I?" I nodded. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"You know something?" Haley turned to me again, standing by my shelf of Beanie Babies. "You’re doing the same thing to me that my friends have done to you. You’re just as prejudiced of the quote, unquote, popular people as they have been of you." She walked toward me, kneeling down next to the chair I sat in. "Don’t do that, Andi. You’re far better than that. I like you for who you are, and I sure as hell thought I got the same from you." She stared at me, but I said nothing. I had an overabundance of stubbornness, usually to my own detriment. This time was no different. "We have a good thing going here. Please don’t ruin that, or throw it away." I wouldn’t even look at her. Inside me was a tempest of emotions and knotted thoughts. "Do you have nothing to say?"

Speak, Andi! Speak! The voice inside my head was so loud, so clear, yet my pride kept me from saying anything. I didn’t want to lose Haley, and I wasn’t sure how to keep her.

"Nothing at all, huh?" She stood, and I shrunk even more. "Guess not." I heard her footfalls as she walked across the bedroom, opened the door, then shut it behind her.

Fuck!

I stayed where I was, my mind screaming at me for being such an ass, possibly ruining a great friendship. God, when had I turned into everything I had ever hated about those people at school? Haley hadn’t deserved what I had done or said. She was one of the only people, except for Tracy, who had accepted me for me, all of me. Cynicism, stupidity, all of it. Why had I pushed her away like that? Where did I get off treating the one person I cared more about than any other, outside my family?

I felt paralyzed with regret. I had done some stupid things in my life, but I think this just about topped the list.

The day began to fade into night as I sat on, berating myself, and finally just going numb. I heard a knock at my door. No matter how much I wished it would be Haley knocking, so we could replay the entire scene, I knew it wasn’t.

"Come in." I said quietly.

"Honey?" my mother. "Do you want some dinner?"

"No." I continued to stare out the window.

"Okay. If you do, just holler."

"Okay."

I closed my eyes.

Ring, ring, ring

My eyes shot open, and I looked back toward my bed where the phone sat, and I waited with nearly bated breath. I wanted to hear my name being called out as I was called to the phone. It never happened. Glancing at the clock on my computer, I was stunned to see it was nearly nine-thirty at night.

Feeling like I could move for the first time in many hours, and knowing I needed to so I could get some blood circulating to my butt, I stood and stretched. I looked out the window and saw my baby. Without another thought, I grabbed my keys, my thumb caressing the smooth, cold metal of the key chain, and headed out. I had to fix this.

Haley’s house was lit up when I pulled up to the curb, my heart beating a thousand beats per minute. What if she threw me off her porch? She’d have every right. Gathering my courage for the second time that day, I opened my door, and headed to the Corregan’s front porch.

I rang the doorbell, and waited, my breath coming quickly in little white bursts as the temperature dropped even further now that the sun was down for the night. I heard the locks open on the other side of the door, and it opened. Haley looked at me, surprise on her face.

"I’m sorry," I muttered, barely audible to my own ears. She leaned in toward me a bit.

"Whaaaaaat?" My head lifted defiantly, and a smirk spread to my face.

"I am sorry." She stared at me, then smiled. My heart lifted, and I wanted to dance.

"So, you going to give me a ride, or not?" She indicated my car with her eyes, then looked at me expectantly. I nodded vigorously.

"Come on!" I grabbed her hand, and tugged, but she pulled back.

"Wait, let me grab a coat, you nut." She grabbed one, and didn’t even get a chance to put it on before I pulled her outside and toward my car.

Once inside, she took her time going through all the gadgets and gizmos the car came with.

"Really like that sunglasses holder up there, don’t you?" I asked, as she pushed it open and closed again and again. She grinned.

"Actually," she paused, looking down, "I like the height of your console."

"My what? Why?"

"It’s perfect, really, if you’re on a date, and you want to," She reached over and put her hand on my thigh, making my throat catch, "you know, do a little touching." An evil grin lit her face as she patted my thigh before taking her hand away.

I missed it.

* * *

I breathed deeply, as I tied my ti, making sure it looked good. This was a huge day for me, and I was so glad that I had asked Haley to come. She sat in the audience with my mom and Chris, ready to watch me try and defend my title for the third year in a row. The first time I had won, it had been difficult, as it was my first championship, and I had been so nervous. Then last year had been a joke, my opponent obviously having no place here. But, this year I wasn’t so sure. I had heard that Jared Bell, a 20-year-old third-degree from Indianapolis, was very good, and very tough.

I’d just have to be tougher.

"Round one!"

The announcement was made, and the crowd cheered as Jared and I took our places in the center ring. He was large, but not ridiculously so. But then, compared to me, most men looked large. The command was given, and we began.

As the fight went on, I realized that this would not be easy at all. I knew my lip had already been sliced open, and I could taste the coppery taste of blood starting to fill my mouth. I spit a bit of it out, and continued to fight. I flipped him, trying to pin him, but he managed to get out from under me, the crowd cheering wildly. I so badly wanted to look up and see my family and Haley, to gain support from them, but I didn’t dare.

My eyes squeezed shut as I was slammed to the mat, the air knocked out of me, but somehow, I managed to find that hidden vat of strength that I had heard about, but never had to tap into. I was determined that this son of a bitch was not going to take my title away from me.

The fight was nearly over, and we were nearly tied with our points. If only I could get just one or two good moves in, trip him up. Concentrate, Andi, concentrate.

He went to give me a roundhouse, missed, and I saw my opportunity. I brought my fist up, pounded him under the jaw to daze him, then flipped him. I could tell he was tired, and just as bloody as I was, as he squeezed his eyes shut when he landed. I took the chance, and pinned him with every bit of strength and endurance I had, until the count was made, and I felt myself being pulled up by the arm, my hand raised high above my head.

"Andrea Littman, reigning champion for the third year in a row!" The crowd was on its feet, the sound deafening in the gymnasium used for the matches. I searched the faces of the crowd until I saw Chris, his hand pumping in the air, his mouth open as he hollered his excitement. Next to him was my mother, doing much the same thing, and then finally Haley. She had her hands cupped around her mouth, yelling and cheering. She looked at me, her hands fell away from her mouth, and she smiled, giving me a thumbs up. I smiled back, wiping my hand across my forehead telling her I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. She smiled wider, and I could see she was yelling my name.

Combined parts 7 & 8

"Come on, Andi. Just listen. Please?" I looked at her, those blue eyes that had been beckoning me for months now, that full lower lip sticking out in a pout. I stared at the lower lip, then up to the eyes again, and finally nodded. How on earth could I possible refuse that? "Yay!" Haley clapped her hands together, slid the CD into the player, and pushed play.

"So, what is this again?" I picked up the jewel case and turned it over, reading the song titles.

"This is called ‘A Little Bit of Heaven’."

"She’s kind of cute," I said absently.

"Who, Linda Eder?" Haley asked, pointing to the CD in my hand. Realizing what I’d said, I slowly looked up at her to see she was smirking.

"Yeah."

"Good. I think she is, too. Her voice, though. That’s what I fell in love with. And," she took the CD case out of my hand, "she’s a Minnesota native."

"Wow. That’s cool. So how did you hear about this chick?" I laid back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling in Haley’s basement. We were coming off of Spring Break, our last official day before the weekend where we’d be getting ready to go back.

"I first heard her on my ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ soundtrack. God, I love that show." She sighed, eyes staring off into space as she thought back.

"I’ve never heard music from a musical before, and don’t really care to."

"Andrea Littman! I’m surprised at you." I glared at her for using my full name. She hit play on the stereo then laid next to me, her leaning on her elbow, looking down at me. "Did you have fun this week?" she asked. I smiled and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I had no idea I could spend so much time with one person, you know?" I looked at her to see she, too was smiling.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m really glad I didn’t go with Kelly and her folks to ski."

"Yeah? Why?" I needed to hear what I hoped would be the answer.

"Well," she brushed some hair off my forehead with her fingertips, tickling my skin with the soft touch. "I wouldn’t have been able to spend so much time with you, now would I?" I shook my head. "You have such gorgeous hair, you know that?" Again I shook my head. "Well, you do." She looked at me for a few minutes more, my stomach roiling at the up-close attention.

Since my championship, we had become even more closer, impossibly so. Haley was so attentive to me, always talking with me, even in school she’d hunt me down from my usual isolated haunts, to chat or to give me a hug. I’ve even had to kick her out of my house so she could go out with Kelly. I had realized back in December that I had been very wrong, and didn’t want to put her in that kind of position again. She meant too much to me.

"So, what do you think?"

"Of?"

"Linda." Oh, yeah. I stopped thinking, and listened. The voice that came over the speakers was clear, powerful, yet feminine, sounding something between Barbra Steisand and Judy Garland, at least what I remember Judy Garland sounded like singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." The music was fast, lots of brass instruments, but it wasn’t as bad as I’d figured it would be. Classical music really wasn’t my forte, except maybe a few composers, like Beethoven. He was delightfully deep and dark and foreboding. My kind of guy.

"Well, it’s actually not that bad."

"Not that bad?" She hopped up to her feet, hands on her hips. "Listen to that angel!" She pointed at the stereo, her eyes closing as she began to sway to the music, which was almost like a tango, but jazzy. As Haley sang along, her body still moving, I sat up, grinning as I watched her dance around the room. "Come on! Up, up, up!" She grabbed my hand, yanking me off the floor, nearly slamming me into her as she pulled me over onto her make-shift dance floor.

I felt odd, not real sure what to do as I watched Haley move her body in ways I had no idea you could move your body. Her hips swiveling, arms waving in the air, her face lit up.

"Come on! Dance."

"Nah, that’s okay." I waved her off, turning to look at the couch.

"What? Why?" She moved so she was standing in front of me. "Dance."

"Eh, I don’t know how." She stopped moving, her brows drawn.

"Huh?"

"I don’t dance." She stared at me, then a slow smile spread across her face, as she reached for me again, tugging at me. "No, Haley, no, no, ugh!"

"Okay, now just follow my lead." Haley began to really move as Linda sang higher and higher, the music coming to an absolutely insane pitch, which actually made me want to move, to glide, to follow Haley in a world all of my own making. But, I still didn’t know how. So, I watched her. She wore her flannel pants that she’d basically lived in over the last week, and a tank. I was converting her to the joys of the tank. The way they left you so free to do whatever, while still covering the finer points.

As she danced, it rode up showing her stomach, the smooth skin twisting and turning with the muscles underneath.

"Come on, stud. Eyes up here." I looked up to see Haley grinning at me, her hands behind her back as she wiggled her shoulders. I think I must have to turned the shade of red that matched her pants perfectly at being caught staring at her.

Damnit, Andi. You moron. That had been happening a lot, lately, and I couldn’t stop or explain it. But, in my defense, Haley didn’t seem to mind. The hell with it. I wanted to let go.

I jumped up in the air, letting the sudden burst of energy take me over, and flow through my body. I felt good, damn good. I was young, and didn’t need to act like I was too good for this.

"Yeah, go, girl!" Haley twirled, her feet tapping out the beat as she worked it, and worked it good. Her hips began to thrust out, her hands running up her sides, and on up to the air. I kept my body a little more compact, but still had a hell of a good time. "Tell me this isn’t fun?" she panted between moves. I nodded vigorously.

"I admit it. It’s a blast. Good workout, too." Haley rolled her eyes.

"Only you."

The song came to an end, and we both fell to the floor, a pair of tired, panting bodies.

"Wow. I love doing that." Haley rolled over to lie next to me, her head on my shoulder. I had never known someone who was so affectionate before. Even more so than my mother, and I just didn’t think that was possible. Before Haley, I had never hugged anyone outside my family before.

She pushed herself up and looked down at me. "Ready to play?" I nodded, an instant smile coming to my face. She hopped up, and helped me to my feet as we both headed to the piano. Early in the year, true to our word, we both had begun to teach the other our own special little talent. "Did you want to try and play that piece again?" She turned to look at me as she put the cover up on the piano as I grabbed the remote to turn off the stereo. Linda Eder was fun, but there was no way I was going to let her shake my already thin maestro confidence with her talent. "Sit." Haley patted the piano bench, and I obeyed, finding a comfy spot on the hard, smooth wood.

"No laughing this time, huh?" I looked up at Haley, who stood next to me. She smiled down at me.

"Okay. Fair enough. That means you can’t laugh when I try and flip you, either." She pointed a finger in my face, which I quickly batted away.

"Yeah, but,"

"No buts about it, missy. Fair is fair."

"Okay, okay." I stretched my fingers, shaking my hands to loosen them. Haley put the music in front of me.

"You remember the beginning, right?" I nodded.

"I think so. God, I suck at this."

"No, you don’t. You’ve actually learned faster than any other student I’ve ever had." I looked at her.

"You’ve taught before?" She nodded.

"For a little while I would go to the elementary school and teach the third graders. Unfortunately, it got to where I just didn’t have time for it anymore. You know, soccer and track, and everything."

"Oh." Learn something new everyday. Part of me was slightly bummed that I wasn’t the first person she had ever taught. It was stupid and irrational, but still in my head.

I studied the music for a moment, trying to get everything clear in my head, get into my head what all the notes were, and where they were on the keyboard, and then began to play. The song was easy enough, but I still hadn’t mastered the art of playing the piano quite enough to play at normal speed on some songs. Well, usually the first go-round. Haley was a wonderful teacher, patient and kind.

Sometimes during the time we spent together, I wondered how she was so popular, yet I totally understood. I mean, she was sweet, genuine, and gorgeous. Well, the gorgeous, yeah, I mean those pompous asses would pick her up in a heartbeat, but what about the rest? She wasn’t like her friends, wasn’t mean or got off on other people’s pain. Though to be honest and fair, I had yet to see anyone really do anything that shitty, other than Jimmy. And, well, we’d already established what a horse’s ass he was. One day at school Heather had even come up to me to thank me for driving her home those couple of times, and she had even remembered, or someone had told her, when I had helped her out on the side of the road when she’d been sick after Brad’s party.

That had meant a lot, though at the time I played it off. Perhaps there was a bit of snobbery in me too; after all, I hadn’t wanted anyone to see me talking with her. I wonder why that was? I had decided against giving it any serious thought, just in case I didn’t like what I would come up with.

Either way, Haley had come to mean a great deal to me in the months since we’d first become friends, and for the first time in my life, I cared about what someone else thought of me. If she didn’t like something about me, or that I had on, or that I did, I nearly killed myself to try and rectify it.

It scared me.

I closed my eyes as my fingers made their steady, yet slow, way across the keyboard. Even though the song wasn’t being played at full speed, I was really letting the sound get inside, fill me with a peace that nothing, other than Tae Kwon Do, had ever been able to do. Even my work at the lab failed to fill me with such a feeling of accomplishment. I was creating that music, it came from my work, my fingers.

That was a cool feeling. Totally satisfying.

I finished the song, my eyes slowly opening to find Haley leaning against the top of the piano, her cheek being held up by her hand, staring at me.

"What?" I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I felt like I was being dissected where I sat. She shook her head.

"That was beautiful, Andi. I think you got it." She stood, that soft, gentle smile still on her lips. She almost looked wistful.

"Thanks. But I’m still not up to par, or speed, for that matter." I rubbed my hands together, my fingers not near used to that sort of workout, yet. Haley shook her head.

"Oh, no, I mean, yeah, you started off kind of slow, but you caught up in no time. You did a wonderful job." I could see the sincerity on her face, and hear it in her voice, and I was suddenly filled with joy. I had pleased her.

I smiled.

She glanced at the clock above the TV. "Well, want to start heading on over to your place? That storm is supposed to come in tonight, and I don’t want to get stuck in it."

"Haley, I live like ten minutes away." She looked at me, and shrugged.

"I know. But I want to get settled into your place for the weekend."

"Okay." I closed the piano cover, and stood, following Haley toward the basement stairs.

"Oh," she reached over to the stereo speaker, and grabbed the stack of CDs there. "I really want you to hear more of Linda’s stuff." I rolled my eyes.

"Sigh."

Haley quickly stuffed clothes into her overnight bag so it bulged.

"My god, Haley. How long do you plan on staying?" I grinned, sitting on her bed.

"Well, you know, I figured I’d just move in with you." She glanced at me over her shoulder. "I mean, hell, we’ve been together every day for the last two months anyway, right?" She smiled with a wink. "I figure it’s going to be really, really cold this weekend, and if you’re mom is anything like mine, keeping the damn heat so low you feel like you’re about to freeze to death, I’d be prepared."

"Okay." I stood, and walked over to her dresser, seeing my Christmas gift to her displayed proudly on a little mirror. The blown glass piano with gold-tipped feet and bench, was beautiful, the lid of the grand held up by a tiny glass arm. Every key was accounted for, the black keys also tipped with gold.

"I love that, you know," I heard, said low in my ear. I could feel Haley’s body heat behind me. "That was the most beautiful, thoughtful gift I’ve ever received." I turned to look at her, seeing her eyes pinned on the tiny glass instrument in my hands.

"Thank you. I’m very glad. When I saw it, I immediately thought of you." I smiled sheepishly, feeling stupid for admitting it, but wanting her to know that my heart had been in the gift.

"I felt like a real schmuck, just getting you that book on Beanie Babies." She took the piano from me, looking at it.

"Why? I found some in there that I had always been looking for. Plus, you did buy me four babies from it." She shrugged, setting the glass figure carefully back onto its mirror.

"I guess."

"Come on, you. I love the book, and absolutely adore the beanies." She stared at me, her smile growing.

"Good. Come on." She tugged the bag’s strap over her shoulder, tossing her Koosh ball at me. "You can hold the sacred Koosh."

"Wow. I feel so honored."

As we headed out to my car, it had already started to snow, but only lightly. There really wasn’t any new accumulation on the ground.

"Must have just started." Haley stared up into the sky.

"Yeah. That’s what I was thinking, too." We climbed into the car, turning the heat on full-blast as the night was cold, bitter cold.

I pushed the button for the automatic garage opener, glad my car wasn’t going to have to sit out in the snow all night. They said the storm should blow out by the beginning of the week, so Haley and I had decided to just chill out at my place until Sunday, when she’d go home to get ready for school to start. Her last semester. I tried not to think about it, but I knew it was inevitable.

"What are you thinking about?" I turned to see Haley, the door open and her leg out, but staring at me. I just stared back, not completely hearing the question, my own mind screaming at me too loud. "Thoughts? You? Just now?"

"Oh." I turned the ignition off, and pulled my keys out. "You, graduating."

"I know. It’s coming." She turned to look at the garage wall ahead of us, a smile on her face as I imagined she thought about the end of her high school career. What a sweet thought. Kind of. Then the smile slowly melted away as she turned back to me. "Are you going to come?" I nodded.

"Of course." She smiled again.

"Good. I really want you there, Andi."

"I will be."

We got all of Haley’s stuff, and headed toward the inner door that would lead to the kitchen.

"Where’s mom?" I asked Chris, who sat at the small table, eating a sandwich. He had grown so much in the last six months, his voice now deep, full of teenage boy attitude. He was handsome, and even though I hated to admit it, looked a lot like our father.

"Work." He took a large gulp of his milk, then stuffed the rest of his dinner into his mouth.

"I thought she was supposed to be off tonight?" I was bummed. We had made plans to pop some popcorn, and her, Haley and I watch a movie together. My brother shrugged as he stood. He had gotten so tall, his body beginning to fill out from the lanky, scrawniness of a boy to the muscular, filled out, hairy body of a man. Almost overnight.

"That sucks." Haley muttered, heaving her heavy bag further up her shoulder. Haley and my mom were almost closer than my mom and I were. I was glad that they got along so well, though. If Haley was going to be here so often, it certainly made things easier.

"See you later, freak." Chris put his dishes in the dishwasher, and hurried out of the room.

"Where are you going in this weather, Chris?" He stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

"You must be kidding me if you think I want to spend the weekend with you guys. I’ll be at Brian’s." He hurried, noisily, up the stairs just as I head a car honk outside.

"Good. Get rid of him. Pain in the ass." I turned to Haley. "Well, want to try and find a good movie on, anyway?" She smiled and nodded.

"Yep."

* * *

The movie was coming to a close and Haley leaned against me, silently crying as her eyes were riveted to the screen. I wasn’t quite crying, as I was doing my damndest to hold it in. Robin was going to die soon, Holly finally getting out of jail and her and Abe getting married. Jane took care of Robin as she got more sick, the AIDS finally taking over.

As the movie came to an end, Jane finally deciding to go on to California after Robin’s death, Haley clung to me, her entire body shaking with her sobs, the bag of popcorn long forgotten.

I caressed her hair, not saying anything as my own tears welled up in my eyes. God, what a touching movie. ‘Boys On the Side’, who would have thought?

"She really loved her all along, didn’t she?" Haley hiccupped, pulling away to look at me. I nodded.

"Yeah, I guess so." I brushed some damp hair away from her eyes, smiled gently at her. "That movie really got to you, didn’t it?" She nodded, burrowing her face into my chest.

"I’ve never really liked Whoopie Goldberg until this movie," she mumbled, wrapped her arms tighter around me.

"Yeah." I stared at the screen as Melissa Etheridge sang ‘I’ll Take You With Me’ during the credits. I had never heard that song before, but then, I had only heard a few of hers.

"Oh, that was just so sad." She sat up, scrubbing at her eyes and nose with the cuff of her sweatshirt sleeve, then turned to me, all puffy-eyed. She was so adorable. "Can we bake?"

The smile froze on my face as I tried to compute the total change in subject. "Huh?"

"Baking. I really feel the need to bake." She rubbed her hands together, those ever-present wheels turning at full speed.

"Sure. I imagine we have a cake mix or something around here. Come on." I stood, figuring Haley would follow suit. I looked at her to see what the problem was.

"Robin will never be able to bake again." She looked up at me, her blue eyes almost electric, and certainly vibrant, from the crying.

"Aww," I reached down and grabbed her, pulling her up to her feet to take her into a hug. "It’s just a movie, Haley."

"I know." Sniff, sniff. "But somewhere out there, there really is a Robin."

"God, you’re adorable."

"Really?"

"Huh?" I stopped. Oh, shit. Had I said that out loud? "Well, I mean, you know, how literally you’re taking the movie, and stuff." She pulled away from me, a bright smile on her face.

"Thanks."

"Sure. Baking?"

I glanced out the window next to the door as we made our way to the kitchen.

"Holy shit! Look at this, Haley." She came up beside me.

"Whoa." In the two hours we’d been downstairs, at least one and a half feet of snow had fallen, and it was still coming down. We looked at each other, then without a word, headed to the kitchen.

I looked through the cabinets, praying that there would be some sort of baking thing in there. I really didn’t want to try and start something from scratch.

"How about this?" I turned to see Haley kneeling in front of the Lazy Susan, reading the back of a Betty Crocker cake. Bingo!

"Great. What will we need?"

"Um," she turned the box over in her hand. "Looks like just three eggs, a cup and a third of water, and a half cup of vegetable oil."

"Check, check, and check. Let’s do it."

We worked together, getting all the ingredients we’d need, and a bowl, spoon, and measuring cups. I measured everything out as Haley stirred it all in. She stared into the mix, looking thoughtful.

"Do you think that Robin was gay all along?" She looked at me.

"From the movie?" She nodded, putting some muscle into her stirring as I had everything in that needed to be. "Well, I don’t know." I thought as I threw the egg shells into the trash, wiping my hands on my sweats. "I guess so. Maybe just a love, instead of a sexual thing, you know?"

"So, you don’t think had things been different that she and Jane would have slept together." I shook my head.

"No, not really."

"Hmm."

"What about you?" Haley put her spoon down, and grabbed the can of Pam spray to grease the cake pan. "I’m not sure. I don’t really see them together in that way, either, but I don’t see anything wrong with it." Pan generously greased, just as the box instructed, she poured the mixed batter into it, and then carried it over to the oven as I hopped up onto the counter and watched. I was surprised by the addition to the conversation, but went with it.

"Neither do I. I mean, when that miniature golf chick was flirting with Whoopie Goldberg’s character, it didn’t bother me at all. I mean, go Jane." Haley hopped up on the counter next to the stove, and smiled at me.

"No kidding. I really liked Jane, but Robin, I thought she was really interesting. I think she would have driven me nuts, all her little quirks, but she was cool. Pretty, too. Who played her?"

"Mary-Louise Parker."

"And how do you know that?" Haley cocked her head to the side, a smile on her face. I shrugged. "I thought you don’t really follow movies that much?"

"I don’t, but I’ve liked her since I saw her in ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’."

"So that’s where I’ve seen her. Huh. I wondered." She grabbed the spoon from the mixing bowl, began to lick the batter off it. I watched, nearly drooling. I loved raw cake batter. Just like cookie dough. Yum. "Want some?" I nodded, she smiled. "Come and get it."

I hopped off the counter, my eyes on the spoon the entire time, watching as Haley’s tongue came out of her mouth, licking the tip of it until the metal was clean and shiny.

"Here." She drug her finger along the inside of the bowl until her entire index finger was covered in the batter. She held her hand out to me. I just stared at it, not sure what to do. "Come on, my finger is clean, really." But my thoughts weren’t.

I leaned in, and tentatively poked my tongue out, touching the very tip to the tip of Haley’s finger. She was grinning at me.

"It won’t bite, there, stud." I pulled away, glaring up at her. "Come on, you know you want it." I looked into her eyes that were narrowed, challenging. What are you doing, Haley? I took a step closer, my eyes still on hers. I felt the need to meet the challenge, even though I’m sure it was only me who was playing the game.

I opened my mouth and wrapped my lips around the offered finger, running my tongue up the full length, gathering the sweet, rich batter as it went. I took it slow, sure to get every single bit. Haley watched me, her eyes darting to my mouth, back to my eyes, and then back to her newly cleaned finger.

"Well, I guess you did want some."

* * *

We laid in the dark, the electric blanket on nearly high as it seemed the snow was seeping through every single nook and cranny. Well, the cold, anyway. I was tremendously glad to have Haley’s body heat next to me; I basked in it.

As I stared up into the dark ceiling, pulling the covers up closer around my chin.

"What would you do for a million dollars?" I asked, turning to look at where I knew Haley was laying. I heard her yawn quietly.

"Hmm. Let me think." She paused. "I’d blow the president."

"Haley!" She chuckled, reaching over under the covers to slap my leg.

"I’m only kidding. I guess I’d run naked through New York City."

"Really?" I turned so I was facing her, holding myself up on my elbow.

"Well, I guess I’d have to give that one more thought. I mean, a million bucks would certainly be nice, but, you know."

"Where would you stop?"

"I wouldn’t do anything that cost me or my family their dignity. You know? I wouldn’t sleep with anyone, or anything."

"So I take it any likelihood of a future career as a high-priced hooker is out, huh?" I asked, grinning.

"Why? Looking for some fun, big boy?" I could feel her eyes on me, though I couldn’t see any part of her. I had closed my blinds and curtains on the windows to keep as much cold out as possible.

"Ha ha." I could hear her low chuckle. "So you wouldn’t even kiss someone for that much money?"

"No. You?"

"Oh, God, no. I think it would take a lot more than money to make me kiss anyone after my experience."

"Did he hurt you, Andi? I mean, it was consensual, right?"

"Oh, yeah. He may have been a jerk, but he wasn’t a rapist."

"Oh, good. I would have had to go and cut off his dick, and I really didn’t want to go back out in the cold." I smiled, touched.

"You’d do that for me?"

"Oh, yeah. If anyone hurt you? Sure."

"So would I."

Again, I felt her eyes on me. "I know you would, Andi." We were quiet for a bit, listening to the snow outside. Such a strange sound. I don’t think people often realize that snow makes any sound, like rain is known for it. You always hear that in song lyrics, rain beating on the roof, or whatever. I liked the sound of snow, and knowing it was out there. It always made me feel safe, like I was blanketed in.

"If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you go?" I asked, rubbing my feet together, trying to warm them up.

"Where would I go. That’s a good question. I really haven’t been many places outside the US, other than Mexico and Spain."

"You’ve been to Spain?"

"Yup. Family trip when I was fifteen. I guess I’d have to say Australia or France."

"Why?"

"Well, Australia is beautiful, and I love the French language." I chuckled.

"That’s certainly an interesting reason to want to live in a country."

"Well, fine, then. What about you?"

"Canada sounds nice. I’d want to stay somewhere with this kind of weather."

"The cold and snow?" I nodded, then realized Haley couldn’t see me.

"Yup."

"Huh. Interesting." Another yawn filled the room, this one loud, meaning business.

"Tired?"

"Yeah."

"Me, too. Goodnight, Haley."

"Night, Andi."

* * *

I winced as I felt something crawling up my arm, but was too deeply entrenched in my world of darkness to really care. There it was again getting further up, now it was on my upper arm. My mind showed me this picture of a massive, hairy spider, come in from the cold. Its little eyes, all hundred of them, looking for a nice place on my skin to bite into, or to lay eggs.

With that thought, my eyes popped open, and my hand began to frantically swipe at the Jaws of spiders. Instead all I felt was rubber, and all I saw was a laughing Haley.

My hand on my chest as I got myself back under control, I glared at her.

"That was fucked up."

"I’m sorry." She laughed, trying to keep it in, but to absolutely no success whatsoever. "What was the deal? It’s was only this." She held up her Koosh. I looked at it, imagining the little, limp spines on my skin, and I glared up into Haley’s eyes again.

"That was still fucked up. I hate spiders."

Haley looked at her beloved Koosh, then at me. "You thought Frank, here, was a spider?" I didn’t answer. "Oh, Andi, I’m sorry. I was only playing with you. I wanted to wake you up." I didn’t dare want her to know that I was deathly afraid of the eight-legged little bastards. I would just have to shake this off. She grabbed me in a one armed hug. "I’m sorry."

"It’s okay." I smiled at her, then looked toward the window to see that the blinds and curtains had been opened.

"Oh, you will never believe this." She jumped off the bed, and pulled my by the hand to the window. I looked out to see a veritable North Pole. Everything was covered, and I do mean everything. The neighbors car across the street? No. There was only a radio antenna left of the little Honda.

"My god. Where did this come from?"

"I have no idea. I got up earlier to go to the bathroom, and this is what I saw. I bet you there’s over four feet out there."

"Oh, easily. Wow." The entire neighborhood was white, no color anywhere. I hadn’t seen anything like it in quite a few years.

"Maybe we should turn on a radio or TV. It’s still snowing."

"Shit, my mom." I hurried over to my phone, and dialed up the hospital. "Can I speak with Theresa Littman, please? Thanks." The receptionist put me on hold, where I got to listen to cheesy elevator music, warped versions of classics or pop hits. Haley began to get dressed, pulling on the warmest clothes she had.

"This is Theresa."

"Hey, mom."

"Hi, honey." She sounded so tired.

"Have you looked outside?"

"I haven’t had time. We’ve had car accidents coming in all morning, one guy has already died from freezing in his car. Honey, I have no idea how long I’ll be here, but I can’t imagine I’ll be home today, or maybe even tomorrow. Christine quitting really messed us up here."

"Okay. Well, I’d say you’re better off to just stay put, anyway. There’s like four feet out there, and it’s still coming down."

"Oh, jeez. Where’s Chris? Is he still at Brian’s?"

"Yeah. He left last night."

"Okay, honey. Do me a favor and call over there, tell him to stay there, please?" I could hear her being paged in the background. "Oh, I have to go. I love you, and you guys stay inside."

"Okay, mom. I love you, too. Be safe."

"I will. Bye." Before I even got a chance to tell her goodbye, the phone was dead.

"Is everything okay?" Haley asked, brushing out her hair. I hung the phone up.

"Yeah. They’re just really busy in the ER today. Some chick quit last week, so she’s probably stuck there for the weekend."

"Oh, wow."

"Well, I don’t know about you, but I am starving." I found a thick pair of sweats and sweatshirt, and pulled them on, freezing in the tank and shorts I had slept in. "Do you like eggs?"

"Oh, yeah." Haley said, following me downstairs. I searched until I found the eggs, a block of cheddar, and a package of turkey breast lunch meat. "Um, didn’t you say eggs?" she asked, leaning against the counter, watching me.

"Yup." Grabbing a knife from knife block, and began to cut up the meat, and shave off pieces of cheese. "How many?" I held up an egg.

"Three."

I turned back to my cutting board.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Haley asked, coming over to stand by me, watching me.

"I’m not sure. I wouldn’t mind getting out into that stuff." I pointed toward the window above the sink with the knife.

"The snow?" I nodded with a silly grin. "You like to play in the snow?" Again the grin. "Oh, Andi, my hero! I love to play in the snow. I’m so excited." She clapped her hands together, walking over to the sliding glass door that led to the backyard, pushing the vertical blinds aside to look out. "Wow." She breathed. "I can’t believe we got so much."

"Hey, there’s a radio on top of the fridge. Switch it on, will you?"

"Sure." Haley turned it on, and all we got was static. "Hmm." She turned the tuner around, trying to find any station that would work. "Oh, here’s one."

"Yeah, if you understand Spanish."

"True." She continued to try and find something, anything. "Shit, Andi. Everything must be out."

"Try AM."

"Nada."

I looked at her, just as she turned to look at me. "Crap. We’re a bit isolated." She grinned at me, nodding.

"Yeah, I’d say so. Cool by me." She walked back over to me as I began to pour my creation into the skillet that I’d already put on the burner of the stove. "Oh, that smells good."

"It is good. Reach into the cabinet above the Lazy Susan, and grab two plates, will you?" She did as I asked, and I began to dish up breakfast.

* * *

"Are you sure we’re not going to freeze our asses off?"

"No, I’m not sure. But we’ll have fun doing it," Haley said, zipping her coat, which clashed mightily with the flannel pants she wore, and tennis shoes. Her feet were much too large for any hiking boots I might own, so we had to make due. "Ready?"

"Yup." We both pushed together to open the screen door against the massive weight of the built-up snow. "Damn. It’s not budging."

"Yeah. We may have to go out through the garage door."

"One more push; we’ll have to open this door at some point, anyway."

"Okay. On three. One, two, push!" We put all we had into it, our feet digging into the rug that covered the tile of the entryway, the material bunching up under us, making us slide.

"Yeah, no. This isn’t going to cut it."

"Garage?"

"Garage."

The garage opened with much protest, as the mechanical parts were near frozen.

"My god, look at that." There was a wall of snow all along where the door had once been, five feet high and higher in some places. "Hey, I could make a tunnel through that." As I spoke, the parts began to crumble, falling in large chunks onto the garage floor.

"Or not."

"Ready?" I looked at Haley to see that adorable smile on her face, a smile like I imagined she looked at five years old. I nodded, and with a scream, we ran, plowing into the wall of snow, falling onto the driveway, disappearing face first into four feet of snow, which thank god was frozen on the lower layers so we only actually fell in a couple feet.

I scrambled to get out of my self-made snow grave, but trying to not disturb the shape of it. As I stood, I realized Haley was doing the same. I laughed as I looked at her, her face covered in a thin layer of white powder, stuck in her dark eyebrows, her bangs stuck to her forehead.

She also laughed at me, as I figured I looked exactly the same. I looked down at myself to see that the entire front of my jacket was caked with snow, and my pants were already soaked in front. Yeah, this would be a short play time. I figured it wouldn’t do well to end up my mother’s next patient, suffering from frostbite and hypothermia.

I reached down to brush off my coat when SMACK! Suddenly the world turned white in my left eye.

Looking over at my laughing friend, I saw the evidence of the white dusting on her right glove. She was trying to look innocent, but of course had about as much success as Clinton.

"You want a piece of me, Corregan?" Hands on my hips, I looked at, well, hand on my hip as the other one picked snow out of my eyelashes.

"Is that a threat?"

"You want it to be one?"

"You got it, Littman. Or should I say, Littleman." I glared.

"Okay, that was lame."

"It was, wasn’t it?"

I didn’t answer, instead I began to form my own snowballs. "Start making ‘em, Corregan. I used to be the pitcher in our neighborhood softball tournaments, so be warned." Haley looked at me, looking impressed.

"Very nice." She gathered a huge mound of snow, began to pack it between her palms, making it rounder and rounder. "Well you know what?"

"What’s that?" I started on my fourth snowball. Since the snow was nearly to my waist, it was quite handy to just set my ammo right next to me.

"I still play softball."

SPLAT!

"Pleh!" I spit the snow out that had landed square in my mouth, the coldness stinging against my reddened skin. "Oh, you are not a nice person." Grabbed the largest of my bombs, and got a nice, solid hold on it. I looked at her, me the picture of determination.

"Okay, Andi. I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair." She held her hands in front of her.

"Nope, no it wasn’t."

"I don’t have anymore snowballs ready." She gestured to the empty snow in front of her.

"Nope, no you don’t." I lifted my leg over the snow to take a step forward. Haley began to move, too. This would probably be the slowest chase in history, like running under water. I grabbed the rest of my snowballs, putting them in the crook of my left arm, and began to fire. Haley tried to get away from me, even with much longer legs, she was having a hell of a time. Score! The largest of the snowballs smacked her right in the neck.

"Oh man, that’s cold!" she cried as she grabbed the shrapnel, trying to get it off her bare skin. Fire number two!

SPLAT!

Only got an arm, but that’s okay.

We continued on our slow but sure chase around my driveway and front yard, each of us taking our well-placed, yet extremely high, steps through the snow. No one was really getting anywhere of consequence, though Haley did have some space on me because of her longer legs. But that was okay, I still had snowballs.

"Ah!" Before I knew it, Haley disappeared completely from sight as she fell. Phoof! Nothing but an outline of her sprawled body.

"Haley?" I hurried over there, well, if one can hurry in four feet of snow, and saw her laying face-up, staring into the gray sky above, then her eyes traveled to me.

"Wow. Snow is so soft. Just like a bed of feathers."

"Are you okay? You’re talking like Lazareth, back from the dead."

"Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Cold and stuck, but fine." I reached a hand down to her.

"Come on. I think it’s time we went in. The snow is coming down faster, and I can’t get my car out to take either of us to the hospital." Haley grabbed my hand, and I pulled her up with a groan. Finally on her feet, we headed back into the house, both drenched from head to toe.

"My god, I’m so cold." She stood in the middle of the kitchen, her arms wrapped around herself, teeth chattering.

"Come on. My mom has a Jacuzzi in her bathroom"

"Ohhhhhh. Nnnice." She smiled, her teeth still sounding like little jackhammers. We hurried up the stairs, tugging at sopping clothing as we went, leaving a trail to my mother’s bedroom. Finally standing in just our underwear and bras, I got the hot bath started, the jets not far behind.

"I don’t have a bathing suit for you." I looked at Haley, who was looking longingly into the steaming water.

"Like I care." She climbed in as she was. I watched, my eyes following her body as a little more of it dipped into the heated depths. You’ve played sports, and have seen other girls undress in front of you before. You have seen other girls undress in front of you before. You have seen other girls undress in front of you before.

Shaking myself out of my confusing reverie, I also climbed in, dressed only in underwear and bra. The water almost felt as though it was boiling as my cold skin screamed at me. Oh, but what a way to be boiled.

I sat, holding my breath as I became acclimated. Haley sat across from me, her head back against the blow-up pillow, her eyes closed as a slow, soft moan escaped. I looked at the curve of her long neck, the way it spread into smooth shoulders with very defined clavicles, and just the very top of her cleavage in her bra, which may as well have been see-through because of the water.

"God, this is bliss." Blue eyes opened and settled on me. "Will your mom mind we’re in here?" I shook my head.

"I use it all the time." I did everything I could to avoid looking anywhere on Haley that I shouldn’t be. I was so afraid that one of these days she would catch me, or though she had caught me many times, ask me about it. What if she did? I didn’t have an answer for her.

"Andi?"

"Yes, Haley?" I had closed my own eyes to enjoy the feel of warmth spreading throughout my entire body. I kept them closed as I waited for her to speak.

"You know the movie we watched last night?" I smiled.

"Yes."

"Would you ever do that?"

"Die of AIDS? Sure."

"Nut." I felt water being thrown at me, and I grinned again, but opened my eyes to look at Haley. "I mean, you know, be a lesbian."

"Well, it hasn’t really been in the career track packet that I created with my school counselor, but sure."

"I’m serious, Andi."

"Okay, okay."

"Would you ever be with a woman?" She looked at me, her hands weaving under the water, making the hot water flow and ebb to me.

"I guess I’ve never really thought about it." Yeah, what a lie that was. I looked away from her, pretending to play with the water.

"I have." My eyes shot up to look at her. She was looking over my shoulder, seemingly lost in her own little world.

"Haley, are you,"

"Oh, no. I mean, I’m into guys, but it’s not something that I look down on, or anything, you know? I believe in doing what feels good at the time, trying everything. I mean, our differences are the spice of life, right? Why be bland?"

"Yeah, I guess. I can understand that." I ran a hand through my hair, plastering it all away from my face. "Have you ever done anything with a girl?" Haley shook her head.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Guess the right situation never came along. Would you ever kiss a girl?" I looked at Haley, and saw that she was being honest with me, and just talking, so I may as well be honest with her.

"Yes."

"Really?" She smiled. "Would you do anything else?"

"Like have sex?" She nodded. "I don’t know."

"Well, I mean, your experience in that wasn’t great with a guy, maybe you’d enjoy it more with a woman. Maybe you should try it someday."

"Maybe I should." Certainly not the first time the idea had come to mind. And I doubted it would be the last. "What about you? Would you have sex with one?"

"Well, I’m not sure about a one-on-one sort of thing, but like in a threesome? Oh, yeah."

"So, you’d have to have a guy there, too?" She shrugged, flicking the surface of the water with her fingers.

"That’s what I’m most comfortable with. What I know." I nodded.

"Fair enough. I could see being in a threesome." I stared at a shampoo bottle on the side of the tub for a moment before I looked at Haley again. "So, what would the circumstances have to be? I mean, like you and two strangers, or you and two friends?"

"Well, I have no problem with having sex with friends. Did I ever tell you about my first time?" I shook my head. "Well, you know who my buddy Tommy is, right?" I looked at her, stunned.

"Tommy Gauna? Gay guy, Tommy?"

"Hey, he’s my friend."

"Well, come on, Haley. The guy is so obvious."

"Well, anyway, we were sixteen, and decided we both wanted to see what all the fuss was about, so, well, we did it."

"Oh my god!" I laughed, still stunned, and a bit jealous.

"Yeah, a detail of my life few know about." She smiled, relaxing a bit more as she slid down in the water so that only her head was above the surface. "So, I guess you can tell I don’t have a problem with having sex with friends. It’s certainly not something I like to make a habit of, though."

"So, would you do a threesome with strangers?"

"Hmm." She thought for a moment. "I would prefer to know the woman, that’s for sure." She stopped, then her eyes landed on me. "Like you, for instance." I pointed to myself.

"Me?"

"Sure. You’re gorgeous, sweet," her eyes dropped to take in what belonged to me below the water’s surface. "Sexy." I looked at her, stunned all over again. She thought I was gorgeous and sexy? She must be joking. Never mind what she was talking about doing.

"Well, um, wow. Not sure what to say."

"You don’t need to say anything. I didn’t say it to get a response from you. I just think you’d be my ideal if I ever decided to try it."

"Well, can I be honest with you?" To hell with it.

"Please do."

"You’d be mine, too." Haley’s face slid into an easy, sensuous smile.

"Really?" I nodded. "Well see that? We’re perfect for each other." She winked. "And, I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to prune, so, can we get out?"

"Sure. In the mood for a lesson?" Her face broke out into a huge grin as she nodded.

"Yes, ma’am, Sunbae Nim."

I quickly got out of the tub, afraid to hear anymore, and afraid I wouldn’t be able to control myself or my tongue and say something that we’d both regret. I, for certain.

Changed back into sweats and tanks, we headed to the basement, and my practice mats. Haley had a been a wonderful student, very observant, and willing to try anything. Obviously that willingness extended to far more than I had realized.

"I figured today we’d start working on more offensive moves for you. So far you’ve done very well in defending yourself, but what about when it comes to your being the aggressor?"

"Sounds great." Haley smiled as she started doing the stretches I had taught her. Once we were both stretched, Haley took her position, bowing to me, and then we began.

I taught her how to attack, how to come at me to disarm me, or if it came to it, kill. Haley listened, and was very observant. I was quite impressed, as she managed to nearly get a few good licks on me. I wasn’t keeping my guard up as well as I should have been, I guess not figuring she’d catch on so fast. If she ever continued the teachings, someday she’d make a wonderful student.

In a few of the moves, we had to get awfully close, Haley’s body against mine, her breasts against mine, and there wasn’t much material separating hers from mine. I felt horrible, taking my little guilty pleasures where I could.

While blocking a punch, I realized she wasn’t paying the attention to it that she should, and I was able to turn the table on her. I grabbed her by the arm, spinning her around, and pinned her against the wall, my arm across her throat.

She was breathing heavily from both the exertion, and the surprise. Our bodies were less than a hair apart, her breaths matching my own as we stared each other in the eye.

"I think you missed that loophole," I said, my voice low and throaty from the action.

"I think you’re right," she said, her voice just as low, but breathy. God, if I could have gotten away with keeping her pinned there all day, I would have. But there was no reason, so I let go.

Haley rubbed her throat and shook her head.

"Wow. I never even saw that coming." I took many steps away, needing to physically get some distance away from her. I had never felt anything so intense, needing to touch her, wanting her to touch me. What was this? It couldn’t mean anything.

"What do you say we stop for today?" I ran my hands through my hair, trying to stop them from shaking.

"Okay. That sounds good. Damn, that was a good move." She walked over to me, putting her hand on my shoulder. "Got any more of those?" She smiled, crooked and meaningful.

"Ah, no. Not really." I smiled, sweet and innocent, still shaken from the intensity of my previous feelings. Previous, hell, they were still running through me like the blood in my veins, and just as hot.

"I need a shower." Haley walked over to the wet bar and grabbed a few pieces of paper towel, wiping her face and neck. "Gross."

"Go ahead. You can use the shower in my mom’s room, I’ll use the one in mine."

"Will there be enough hot water?" she asked, wiping under her hair on the back of her neck.

"Oh, yeah. That’s one thing we have; an excellent water heater." I sounded like such an idiot, nearly babbling to hide my unease.

"Okay. That sounds good. A shower."

I stood under the spray, letting it fall over me, cleansing not only my body, but my mind, too. This was ridiculous and there was just no way of ever doing anything about this want, for so many reasons. I could never risk losing Haley’s friendship. I’d rather drool in private for the rest of my life, then find release and lose her. Not to mention my family. It would kill me if I ever made my mom ashamed of me. She had done everything she could to make sure Chris and I were happy and well taken care of. She deserves no less from me.

I shook off all the old feelings and curiosities, deciding that today, right now, this minute, was a new beginning for me and Haley. She was my best friend, and I wanted it to stay that way. Surely she did, too?

I turned the water off, just as it was about to start getting cold on me. I wondered if Haley had managed to get a hot shower, too. I dried myself off, rubbing my hair vigorously with the towel so it all stood on end, then began to dress in flannel pants and a sports bra. I looked around the bathroom, realizing I had forgotten my sweatshirt in my bedroom. Damnit.

A burst of cold air blew into the steam-filled bathroom as I stepped into the bedroom, heading toward my dresser.

"Hey." I turned to see Haley walking into the room, fully dressed in flannel pants and a tank, brushing out her wet, tangled hair. "Nice. New outfit?" She grinned. I looked down at myself, feeling very vulnerable in my half-state of undress. I was so tempted to cover myself with my arms. Yeah, explain that one, Littman.

"Why, yes. It’s in Eddie Bauer’s summer collections."

"Hey, if you were the model, I’d buy it." I rolled my eyes and opened my drawer, looking quickly for something to put on. "Yah!" Fingers began to dig into my ribs and sides. I slapped at the hands, but it did nothing, just made my laughter bubble up even worse until I had tears coming down my cheeks. "Uncle!"

"Why are you shouting ‘uncle’?" Haley asked, her fingers traveling to see where else my ticklish spots were.

"Isn’t that supposed to make you stop?"

"Why would it? I don’t much care about your uncle." Okay, so I’d have to stop her myself. I managed to get myself turned around so at least I had some semblance of control. One of my hands tried to peel Haley’s off me while the other tried desperately to find any sort of ticklish spot on her. Nothing seemed to work.

"Damn, woman! Aren’t you ticklish anywhere?"

"Only one spot." She said, baring teeth as she moved down to my thighs. Oh no, not my thighs. I tried to grin and bare it, not letting on that I felt like I was being killed slowly. Finally the tickling won over, and I burst out laughing, giving up my fight against her.

We fell to the floor, and I found my will rekindled when she recoiled from my accidentally brushing my finger along the bottom of her left foot. Could this be the magic key?

"Ugh! Stop, stop, stop!" Score!

I dug in to Haley’s feet with all my might, bringing her to tears as she squirmed on the floor, laughing, crying and begging me to stop.

"Truce?"

"Yes, yes! God, just please stop." I took my fingers away and sat up, leaning my back against the side of my bed. She took several deep breaths, and finally got herself together, looked at me. "Damn you." I grinned, patting the space next to me. She scooted back until she was next to the bed.

"What do you say to a PlayStation game?" I looked at her, still panting from the attack. She nodded.

"You got it."

* * *

The sun would be going down soon, which made the house that much colder. The snow had let up quite a bit, and I figured it would stop all together by tonight.

"How the hell do you beat this guy?" Haley asked, staring at the screen that had YOU LOSE across it.

"Very carefully."

"Yeah, thanks for the tip. Come on, stud. Let’s see you beat him." She tossed the controller to me, and I grinned.

"Gladly." I hit start, and began on the same level of Mortal Kombat where Haley had been. I began to chew on my lower lip as the bad guy came on the screen, and I thought of what strategy I planned to use.

I had played this game so many times, and had already beaten it once, so there was a serious disadvantage for Haley. She sat beside me, watching with wide-eyed excitement as I brought the guy to his knees.

"That was so cool!" She looked at me, a whole new respect in her eyes. "How did you do that?"

"Hours and hours of practice." I admitted.

"Want to play against each other?" I looked at her.

"Are you nuts?"

"Yeah, pretty much. But, we should do it like this, since you have had hours and hours of practice, and I’ve had a half hour of play total, the best of three. But here’s the thing; you have to win all three, and I only have to win one game."

"Okay. What do we win?" She shrugged.

"I don’t know. Guess that’s up to the winner."

"Works for me."

"Game on. Oh, but wait."

"What?"

"I need my Linda."

"Oh, lord." Haley jumped up and grabbed one of her Linda Eder CDs, and stuck it in the stereo.

"Much better."

The game started, and it was obvious who was going to win this one. Feeling cocky, I decided to show off a little, blowing her guy out of the water.

"Damnit, Andi!"

"Temper, temper." I set my controller down and looked at her.

"That’s only one. You have two more to go."

"You got it."

Two games, and bloody defeats later, I looked at my opponent again. "Pay up."

"Okay, okay. What do you want?"

"Hmm." I put my finger to my chin, tapping as I looked around as I tried to decide what to have her do. Then I thought about the brownies my mom had made yesterday. "Hold that thought." I stood, and quickly ran upstairs, bringing a plate of the treats back down with me.

"Oh, yum." Haley smiled, rubbing her hands together.

"Yeah, you’ll say yum. You, my dear, have to shove three of these squares into your mouth, and eat them. They all have to go down. Got it?" She looked at the brownies, then at me.

"Simple." She grabbed one, easily stuffed it inside her mouth, grabbed another. That one took a bit more thought to shove in. I chuckled as her cheeks bulged like a chipmunk.

"One more." She sighed, grabbing a third, and, using some pretty impressive ingenuity, got it in there with the other two. For a second I felt bad, as she looked like she would puke them all up, her eyes bulging, trying not to gag. I smiled as I watched her try to slowly but efficiently chew enough to be able to get some of it down.

Finally, all three were swallowed. Haley opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue to show me. I clapped.

"Very impressive. Shall we continue?"

"You got it. I’m going to get you for that."

"Just try it."

You played hard, Andi. You played hard. No matter how many times I told myself that, I still couldn’t believe Haley had beat me. At my own damn game!

I looked at her, waiting to see what horrific task she’d have me perform. She looked at me, chewing on her lip as she decided.

"Okay. Follow me. Oh, and lose the shirt." She stood and headed for the stairs. I looked down at myself, brows drawn in dread and confusion.

Haley stood at the garage door, her finger on the electric opener.

"What are you doing?" I asked, looking out into the front yard, which was a light blue from all the snow, and the falling sun.

"It’s not a matter of what I’m doing, but what you’ll be doing. Soon." I stripped my shirt off, immediately starting to shiver. "Okay. You have to run out to the street and back."

"Like this!?"

"Yup. Like that." She looked down at me, then to my face and smiled. I took several deep breaths, trying to get myself ready, and praying that my nipples would not freeze into rocks and fall off.

I ran into the garage, and hopped over the snow wall, and made my way through the freezing snow, made somewhat hard by the rapid drop in temperature, so it was easier to run along the top couple layers of it. I screamed as I hit what was normally the curb, and turned to head back. I was so damn cold I could cry.

Haley was laughing when I got back, holding my sweatshirt for me. "Come here, you." I was shivering so bad, my teeth felt like they’d break from chattering. I clung to the warmth of the soft material of the sweatshirt, glad when Haley closed the big garage door, then the door to the house. "You okay?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Rrround th, th, three." She chuckled, and we headed downstairs, though somehow by the grace of Satan we were right back upstairs within ten minutes.

"Hmm. Let’s see," Haley, smug as ever, looked around the kitchen, looking for that perfect stunt for me to perform this time. She opened the cabinet above the fridge, and called out in joy. "Okay. Come here, Andi."

"Yes, mom."

"Now, now. No sore losers."

"No, just cold ones."

"Well, I think this will help warm you up." She showed me the bottle of Vodka that she held, and I shook my head.

"Unh-uh. I don’t drink."

"Come on. It’s a dare, Andi. Be a good sport." I sighed and nodded.

"Fine. If I die, you get to explain why." She smiled as she grabbed the shot glass I handed her. I watched with dread as she poured the clear liquid. Never in my life had I done a shot of anything, and really didn’t want to start now.

"Here you go. Just down it all in one shot, and you’ll be okay."

"Bottoms up." I raised the glass in salute, then down it went, burning a nice path all the way to my toes. I coughed, nearly dropping the glass. Haley took it from me, and put an arm around my shoulder, rubbing the back of my neck.

"You okay?" I nodded as another coughing fit attacked. I took several deep breaths, feeling a weird heat rising all the way up to the roots of my hair. "How are you feeling?" she asked, looking at me with concern.

"I’m okay. That stuff just really sucks." Haley smiled, nodded.

"I know. You should see your face, it’s so red."

"Great. Come on, you. I’m going to go," I reached out to grab the counter. "Whoa."

"You okay there, stud?" Haley grinned, grabbing my arm to steady me.

"Unh, huh. Just peachy keen." I grinned, already feeling the effects of the strong liquor. "Come on, so I can kick your ass."

I hurried down the stairs, nearly falling down the stairs, in my haste to beat Haley and have her do some stupid monkey trick like I was having to do.

Ten minutes later, Haley turned to me. "You happy now?" I grinned and nodded.

"Oh, yeah." I stood, and looked down at her, looking her over. She stood, her eyes on me.

"Okay, what’s going through that brain of yours?"

"Follow me." I hurried up the stairs, back to the kitchen, and turned on the backyard light. It was dark now, but the light illuminated the entire yard.

"God. What do I have to do?"

"Strip."

"What?"

"I want to see you in just your skivvies and bra."

"Well, Andi, why didn’t you say so earlier?" She looked at me, giving me one hell of a sexy smile as she removed her flannel pants and tank, then her socks. "So? Now what?" looking at her, standing before me like that. Oh, the things that went through my brain, especially since the Vodka was already in there playing.

"Now I want you to run out back, do a full snow angel, and come back."

"Like this?" She indicated her lack of clothing. I nodded. "Oh, you are cruel. Okay." She took several deep breaths, readying herself.

"Just think of yourself as an honorary member of the Polar Bear Club." I grinned. She glared at me, and headed to the sliding glass door, unlatching it, then opening it. The cold blew in, chilling you to the core.

"Here I go." She ran out, and I ran to the living room, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch. Haley was screaming obscenities at me as she did her snow angel, then popped back up out of the snow, and ran back into the house. I immediately felt horrible, as she was blue, and her teeth were chattering far worse than mine had been after my stunt.

"Come here." I quickly wrapped her up in the blanket, holding her to me to give her some of my body heat, and began to rub her arms and back. "You okay?" She nodded, but was still shaking. "Come on." I grabbed her clothes, and pushed her downstairs, sitting her on the hearth of the fireplace. I flipped the switch, and the gas fireplace whooshed to life.

"Oh, that feels so good," she moaned, basking in the warmth.

"I think we should stop, now." I plopped down on the couch, my head still doing cartwheels on me.

"No. One more try. I’ve got to beat you one last time," she said, beginning to gain some semblance of a normal color.

"You sure, Haley? It’s getting late,"

"No. I want to play one more time."

"Okay. Your call. Just tell me when you’re ready."

"Load them up, chief."

I stared at the controller in my hand, trying not to break out into an all-out grin, but it wasn’t working too well.

"I don’t get it!" Haley looked at me, the blanket barely around her shoulders now after that intense, winner take all, three rounds. "Even slightly looped you still manage to beat me. It isn’t fair."

"Rules are rules, Haley, and you made the rules."

"I know." She tossed the controller to the floor and stood. "Okay, what now?" I could tell she was frustrated, but still enjoying herself, so I thought I’d have her do something amusing.

"Come on. Grab your clothes." She did, and we headed up stairs to my mom’s bedroom. "What do you think of cheerleaders?" I asked as I opened my mom’s closet door.

"I like them just fine. Kelly’s a cheerleader."

"Well, good. Then you’ll feel right at home." I brought out my mom’s cheerleading outfit from college, and tossed it at her. "The skirt may be a little short as you’re taller, but other than that, it should fit okay."

Haley looked at the outfit in her hands, then up at me. "What, do you have some sick fantasy about cheerleaders?" She raised an eyebrow, and I grinned.

"Not exactly. I want you to do a cheer for my winning the final game of Mortal Kombat." She chuckled, then began to dress in the uniform.

"I can’t believe I’m doing this." She muttered, then looked at me once she was fully dressed. I couldn’t help my snicker. She looked so funny, barefoot, with the pompoms hanging lifeless at her sides. The skirt was a bit short, but showed her legs off nicely, and the shell of the uniform was a tad loose as my mom was a bit larger on top. "I’m telling you right now, I feel like a complete ass."

"Duly noted."

"So?" She stood, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "What shall I do for you, ma’am?" She grinned, raising an eyebrow.

"Cheer."

"What?"

"I want you to do a cheer for me; for my victory." She chuckled, looked toward the window.

"Don’t worry. This is a second-story window, and I don’t imagine there’s much in the way of activity in the streets."

"Okay, okay. Let me think for a sec." She tucked her bottom lip in, and began to chew on it as she thought. I thought she looked adorable. "Okay." She lifted the pompoms up over her head. "A-N-D-I, PlayStation queen, PlayStation queen. A-N-D-I, makes you gamers want to cry. Yaaaaaay, Andi!" She yelled out and jumped around, kicking her leg into the air, then the other one, like a can-can girl. I was dying laughing by this point. Though the Vodka had loosened me a bit, I was still quite aware of hilarity when I saw it, and I had just witnessed it.

Haley put the pompoms down, and walked over to me, sitting on the floor against the wall, still laughing, about to slump over onto the floor.

"So how was that, stud?" She knelt down, a smirk firmly in place. I held up my hand, giving her the thumbs up. "Well, I’m glad you’re pleased. But," she tossed the pompoms to my mom’s bed. "I think my cheerleading days are over." She sat next to me, then lowered herself so she laid on her side, holding her head up with her hand. I slid down so I was laying on my back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Did you have fun today?" I asked, glancing at her. She nodded.

"I did. You?"

"I did." She sighed as she stared down at me.

"I really like you, Andi. You’re so different from anyone I’ve ever known."

"Thank you. You’re certainly a lot different than I ever thought you’d be, and I can definitely understand why you’re so loved by all of Winston." She cocked her head to the side.

"Oh?" I nodded, wondering if perhaps I shouldn’t have said that. "And you?" Oops.

"Well, I think you’re great. Far exceeding any expectations I had of the popular crowd." I used to my fingers to emphasize the word popular. I still couldn’t get that word out without it sounding bitter and distasteful to even my own ears. Hopefully just my own ear.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" she asked, her voice lowering to a more quiet, almost intimate level.

"I don’t know; I said lots of things earlier."

"Well, hopefully you meant everything you’ve said." I glared up at her, she smiled. "But, I meant about me being who you’d sleep with, should you ever be with a woman."

"Yes." I didn’t hesitate, tired of lying.

"Have you ever wondered what it’s like to kiss a woman?" she asked, her eyes briefly glancing at my mouth, then trailing back up to my eyes.

"Yes. It’s crossed my mind." Almost like they had put a spell on me, my gaze fell from blue eyes, down a straight nose, and finally settled on full lips, still moving as Haley continued to talk, her pink tongue licking across straight, white teeth unconsciously.

"Me, too. Women’s lips look so soft, and usually full." She reached toward me with her hand, trailing a finger over my bottom lip. "I love your lips. The bottom one is so full. It looks so kissable." She smiled.

"Um, well, maybe we could find out?" I looked up into her eyes, hoping she wouldn’t laugh at me, and that she was being serious and not trying to goad me into doing something, then laugh at me. I didn’t think this was the case, though.

Blue eyes fell to my mouth, then looked into my eyes again. There was something there that I couldn’t quite read, but if I had seen that look in my dreams, I would have taken it for desire.

"Okay." She said quietly, still looking at me. Was she worried about the same thing I was? Did she worry I’d be cruel? Before I could ponder that question any further, I saw her leaning in a bit closer, her arm reaching across me to balance her self on her hand, placed near my shoulder. My body was vibrating, for so many reasons. I was nervous, could not believe what was about to happen, and oh yeah, I really wanted this.

Soon there was barely any space between us at all, the tip of her nose teasing mine, then teasing my cheek as she got even closer. I could feel her breath, so hot on my face, her body heat immense. I felt just the barest touch of her breast against mine as she adjusted her body, not fully laying on mine, but resting against it, her arm still taking the biggest brunt of her weight, her other hand playing with the hair that laid around my head on the carpet. My arms stayed glued to my body, my hands clasped on my stomach.

Soft, almost tickling me, her lips teased, almost shy in their advance. I tried holding my breath so I wouldn’t all out pant. I didn’t dare want her to guess my excitement level, or my nervousness.

"You can breathe, Andi," she whispered against my mouth. It sent shivers through my body, and I exhaled in a small, quick puff of air. The lips came again, softer than I ever imagined they’d be, almost stroking mine, her bottom lip pushing against mine. My fingers began to dig into themselves, craving the feel of her skin, her hair, anything.

Both lips were on mine now, pushing, yet gentle, tentatively seeking the best place to rest. I didn’t know what to do, should I move my lips to kiss back? Should I just lie still? The lips pulled away a bit, and my mind screamed out in protest, my lips trying to hold on to what they craved, but the softness quickly returned, bringing with it a little more pressure.

One of my hands found its way out from between our bodies, and rested on Haley’s shoulder, warm and soft next to the scratchy material of the cheerleading outfit. My fingertips barely touched the skin, rubbing, just brushing. I felt a shiver run through Haley’s body, and I smiled inside with satisfaction. This gave me a bit of confidence, and I pushed back with my mouth, opening my lips just a bit, just enough to capture her bottom lip between mine.

Haley lowered her body a bit, lowering her weight to rest on her elbow now. I could feel her breasts against mine completely. My god, they were so soft. I had no idea. She moved her head a bit to the side allowing more room for exploration, her lips following mine, opening to capture more inside, and to allow the softest, warmest, most sensual feeling of her tongue, barely touching my top lip, tasting. At the sensation, my fingers dug into her shoulder a bit, messaging the skin, and moving up, along the cheerleading shell, and then the warmth of her neck, so soft and smooth.

No wonder men loved women so much.

Finally my fingers found themselves in her hair, brushing it from its dark halo around us, pushing it behind her shoulder, running my fingers down its long length.

This seemed to get Haley going as I felt that tentative tongue from before finding its way into my mouth, searching, soft, gentle caresses. To my surprise, and arousal, Haley moaned, long and unbelievably sexy. God, I wanted to moan, too, but didn’t dare. My tongue met hers, and they slid against each other, Haley’s breathing coming faster with each caress.

"Hang on, man. I gotta get my stuff."

I froze, my heart stuck in my chest when I heard my brother’s voice downstairs. Haley must have heard it to, as she stopped, lifted herself and listened.

"Shit. Chris is home," I whispered. She pushed to her feet, pulling the shell over her head, and pushing the skirt down her legs as she scrambled to get her clothes on. I ran over to the closet, and put the uniform on its hanger, stuffing it into the closet, then grabbing Haley’s hand as we ran for my bedroom. I heard Chris’ footsteps on the stairs just as I closed my bedroom door, leaning against it.

I heard him barge into his room, rummaging around for God only knows what. I looked at Haley who stood by my dresser, staring at the wall that connected Chris’ and my room. I wondered what she was thinking. All I knew was that my body was still thrumming.

There was a knock at the door. I stepped away from it, and opened it to see my brother standing there with a bag over his shoulder.

"Tell mom I’m staying at Brian’s again tonight."

"Sure. You guys be careful. How did you get home?" He shrugged.

"Just walked. Plows haven’t been out yet, but they probably will be by tomorrow."

"Cool. See you later."

"Later." I closed the door again, and listened as he hurried down the stairs, and the front door slammed.

"Well, at least he got the door to open." I turned to see Haley grinning.

"Yeah. No kidding." She walked toward me, and I could feel my pulse begin to race all over again.

"Feel like a movie?" she asked. I nodded.

"Yeah. That sounds great."

The basement was warm as I had forgotten to turn the fireplace off, so I turned all the lights off, and unhooked the Play Station game.

"Do you have anything particular in mind?" I asked as I flipped through the channels.

"Oh hey, it’s Meg Ryan." Haley said, pulling her feet under her on the couch.

"You a fan?"

"Who isn’t?" She grinned at me.

"Good point. I like this one, ‘You’ve Got Mail’."

"Me, too." The movie was nearly half over, and Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks’ characters were beginning to like each other and hang out. "I hope I find a love like that someday." Haley sighed, sounding wistful.

"Yeah. I want to get comfortable. Come on." I tugged at her shirt as I stood and walked over to a closet, grabbing two beanbag chairs, and dropping them on the floor in front of the fireplace. "Stay warm, and watch the movie."

"You’re so smart," Haley said as she flopped into one of the chairs, moaning.

"I try." I sat next to her, watching the movie with my eyes, but my mind wasn’t into it. I had only one thing on my mind, and Meg Ryan and Tom Hands had nothing to do with it. I wanted so badly to touch Haley. She sat not six inches away from me, but I felt like we were miles apart. God, how to get back what had been stolen when Chris had come home.

My brows drew once I realized the background noise was gone, and the room had gotten darker. I looked to see that Haley had turned the TV off, and when I turned to look at her, to ask why, I saw her eyes boring into me. I swallowed hard. For some reason the old adage ‘watch what you wish for,’ was roaming around in my brain.

She said nothing, just reached her hand out, and I put mine in it. She squeezed my fingers gently, rubbing her thumb over the back of my hand.

"So soft," she said, barely a whisper. I watched our hands, the dancing flames of the fire bouncing shadows around our fingers, throwing a golden hue on everything. My eyes trailed up to Haley’s, not surprised to find I was meeting her gaze. Her eyes were turned nearly transparent in the firelight, the shadows clinging to all the curves of her facial structure, broadening her brow just a bit, turning her hair a deep red color.

She scooted closer to me, wisps of her hair tickling my nose. She smiled as she ran a hand through her hair, pushing it all behind her shoulders. There was a silent communication between us, almost as if our eyes, bodies and senses could say it all. I felt absolutely no need to speak.

Haley’s face came closer, her eyes closing as it did. I followed suit, bringing my hand up to touch the fire-warmed skin of her neck, the underside of her jaw. I felt her lips brush against mine, then trail lightly down the side of my cheek to my ear where she kissed the top, then whispered,

"You’re so soft, Andi. I could touch you all night." I shivered, my eyes closing, mouth opening as I felt her lips finding their way back to mine, tenderly taking my bottom lip between hers, tugging playfully.

I fell back against the beanbag, Haley falling with me until she settled against me, scooting her body even closer until every inch of her touched me. My fingers traced her ear, running a fingertip along the edge of it, feeling the soft, delicate skin, then running along her throat, feeling the texture of her face, and finally finding our mouths that played, teased each other. I took a deep breath as I felt Haley kiss each fingertip individually, then taking my hand and kissing my palm before returning to my mouth.

My hand went on the move again as Haley’s tongue began to trace my lips before dipping inside. I flattened my hand out on her back, the thin material of the tank not able to hide the immense body heat that radiated from her. I felt her spine, the muscles in her back moving as her body settled even closer to me, and further down.

I sucked in a breath as I felt Haley’s hand on the move, too. She ran her fingers through my hair, brushing my hair up and away from my scalp, sending a whole new set of shivers down my spine. She sighed, content, into my mouth, her tongue tracing the bottom of my top teeth, and searching for my own tongue, which eagerly met hers, caressing, rubbing. Her hand slid out of my hair, and found my neck. She began to massage the muscle where my shoulder meets my neck, causing me to moan for the first time.

The hand continued to move, squeezing my arm through the thickness of my sweatshirt. Of all days for me not to wear a tank. I wanted to feel her hands on my skin, craved what I knew the sensation would be.

I reached down, took her hand, and guided it to the hem of my sweatshirt, rubbing my hand up and down her arm to encourage her. She got the point, and her fingers gently dug their way under the heavy material, and I couldn’t help it as I pushed even further into Haley’s body when I felt her fingers touch the bare skin of my side. I slid my hand down her arm, and found my way to the bottom of her tank, the fire within calling to my hands. I swear I heard a sizzle as I touched her skin.

I felt the smooth, flatness of her belly, the muscles underneath moving and seizing with my every touch. I flattened my hand, allowing my palm to feel everything, sliding my hand up a bit, feeling just the bottom edge of Haley’s bra. My hand stopped when I felt soft pressure on my hand from above the tank. My hand lay where it was.

God, never in a million years did I think it would be like this to kiss a woman, have them kiss me and touch me. Never had it been like this with Rick, regardless of how bad an experience it had been. I had still been turned on with him, turned on enough to go through with it. But this, this was a whole new ball game.

My lips left Haley’s as I wanted to taste her skin. I kissed around her face, her eyelids, nose, forehead, and made my way down to her neck, unbelievably warm and soft. I buried my lips in it, opening my mouth and ran my tongue over the softness, tasting the saltiness. She pushed her head back, exposing her long neck to me, giving me permission. I brought up a hand, running my fingers all up and down her skin, trailing my nails down her throat, making her moan, and her breath quicken.

Part of me wanted so much to go on, to see what Haley had to offer, but the more logical part of me, the frightened part of me, knew that this would go no further this night, and I was glad for it. I started to feel real fear for the first time in all this, fear what we were doing, and lack of confidence in my own ability.

With one final kiss to Haley’s neck, I pulled away. Her eyes slowly opened, and she looked at me.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice throaty and deep. I nodded, laying my head down on her chest.

"I think maybe we should get some sleep." I lifted myself up to look in her eyes. "What do you think?" She looked at me for a moment, running her fingers through my hair, then nodded.

"I think so, too." She leaned up, giving me the softest, sweetest kiss on my mouth, then hugged me to her.

We both stood, and I switched off the fireplace. Haley grabbed my hand, and without a word, we made our way through the dark and up the stairs to my room. Quietly we got ready for bed, and I slid between the covers, moving over as far as I could to the edge. I wasn’t sure what to think, and so figured giving Haley her space would be the right thing to do.

I guess I was right.

Haley got into bed, and immediately turned on her side, her back to me. I stayed where I was, staring up into the dark. Then I felt soft skin touch my arm, and a hand grab mine. She tugged, and I turned on my side, scooting up behind her, my arm around her side. With one final sigh, I fell asleep.

* * *

With a deep breath and a sigh, I opened my eyes. All the way from darkness to the light of reality, I could feel the warmth next to me, all along my entire body. Haley laid on her back, her head turned away from me, breathing slow and even. I was on my side, so I lifted myself up to my elbow, started at her profile. So beautiful.

I brought my hand up, reached over and touched her cheek with my fingertips, feeling the soft, smooth skin. I could not get enough of touching her, knowing she was really here.

Running my fingers over, I traced the lines of her face, down the bridge of her nose, over her lips, and down her chin to her throat. She moaned, snuggling in closer to me. Her head turned so I was looking into her face. She puckered her lips. Smiling, I brought my fingers around her mouth, then brushed them across them. She scooted closer to me, her lips still puckered. Getting the picture, I bent down and gently brushed my lips against hers.

"Mm, what a nice way to wake up," she mumbled. I smiled.

"I aim to please." Her eyes slowly opened, focusing on me. "Morning."

"Morning. How did you sleep?"

I had noticed where Haley’s tank had ridden up in the night, exposing half of her stomach. I took my hand from her neck, and began to run my nails back and forth over the bare skin.

"Not bad. How about you?" I watched my own hand, almost mesmerized by the movement.

"Andi?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?" I looked up into half-lidded eyes, a lazy smile on her lips.

"Nothing."

"Uh huh, so I see. And I slept well. I had some pretty comfy pillows." Her eyes fell to my breasts, then back to my eyes. I smiled, still playing with the skin of her stomach, reveling in the reaction of tightening muscle.

"Well, I’m sure you did. Were they better than a Koosh ball? Too bad I didn’t have the same comforts."

"They were much better than my Koosh, and luckily I had to foresight to sleep a little further down."

"Not far enough." I looked at her, challenging her with my eyes.

"Well, I never," She put her hand to her chest with a dramatic sigh.

"So you said." She stared at me, her eyes unreadable. "I’m surprised at how soft they are." She looked at my breasts again, reaching her hand over, the backs of her fingers brushing against the outside of my left breast. "I always knew mine were soft, but I guess I just never thought about someone else’s, you know?" I nodded, not able to do much more than that.

She took her hand away, and I was able to breathe again. I opened my eyes and looked at her.

"So, tell me; how far would you go?"

"Now?" I nodded. "Hmm. I’m not sure."

"Would you take anything off?" She looked down at herself, then at me.

"Andi, I don’t have much on. Two articles of clothing, and I’m done." I laughed.

"Hey, works for me." She glared.

"What about you?"

"I’d take my shirt off." She looked at me, then down at my breasts, then up into my eyes.

"I dare you." Without another word, I sat up and reached back to grab the back of my tank, and whipped it over my head. Haley stared at me, her mouth open in shock, then her eyes trailed down to look at me. Never in my life had I ever had such a feeling of confidence or power. Any modesty I may have had this time yesterday, was gone. Right now all that mattered was the way I made Haley react, and I ate it up like a drug.

I laid back down on my side, letting Haley look all she wanted to. She brought a hand up, using one finger to trace the lines on my stomach, brushing her knuckles along my ribs. I closed my eyes, never knowing that anything could feel so good. Even just Haley’s warm breath on my over-sensitized skin sent my flying.

Slowly, I rolled back over onto my back, wanting to give her as much room and skin as I could. The fingers slowly made their way around my abdomen, spreading out to rub over a large area. Needing more, I reached down and grabbed Haley’s hand, bringing her fingers to the side of my breast, letting her feel the roundness. I left her hand, and the fingers continued to feel, tracing the shape, running underneath the breast, between, then to the other one.

My breath began to quicken, my body tingling all over the place, and dying for more. I could tell Haley was being equally affected as her breath on my neck came in quick puffs. Her fingers made their way onto the breast itself, tracing a circle around the nipple, but torturing me by not going close enough to it.

"Goddamnit, will you just touch it!" With a growl, I grabbed Haley’s hand again, placing it flat on the hard nipple, groaning at the touch. I heard Haley suck her breath in.

"So hard," she whispered. I opened my eyes to see that she was looking at me with huge eyes that narrowed just as quickly as desire seeped in. I grabbed her behind the neck, reached up, crushing my mouth against hers. She moaned into me as I pushed her to her back, my hand on her bare stomach, aroused by the feel of my own naked breast against my arm.

She reached up, burying her fingers into my hair, pushing me further into the kiss. My fingers began to explore further, wanting more, needing to feel more.

I broke the kiss. "May I?" I tapped the skin of her upper stomach. Without a word, she reached down, and pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it to the floor. My eyes bulged, and my immature mind couldn’t keep the thought out that that hottest, most popular girl in school was lying in my bed, half naked. Wow.

My hand went to her breast, feeling the unbelievable softness of it, so smooth and warm to the touch. Her nipples were rock hard, and I placed my hand over her entire breast, feeling that hardness against my palm. I moaned, heat shooting straight through my body to parts south.

My mouth watered, and before I knew what I was doing, I leaned down, taking that nipple between my lips. Haley’s body arched into me, a loud groan escaping her. Her hands grabbed onto my head, fingers burying themselves into my hair. Her entire body began to move, her hips trying to find purchase on anything.

Suddenly I found myself being pulled up to a hungry mouth, and my body being pulled on top of her. I thought I would come right then and there, as soon as our breasts touched, nipples rubbed together.

"Oh, god, Andi," she rasped, shoving her hips up into me. I pushed back into her, looking for blind pleasure as I spread my legs a bit, needing to find something to rock against, needing release that the kisses failed to give.

"Andrea? You awake yet? I need you to help me shovel the driveway! I can’t get into the garage."

"No, no, no," my mind screamed as I jumped away from Haley, still breathing hard, trying to bring my brain to some sort of order. I could hear my mom moving around downstairs, and knew she’d head straight for my room.

"Andrea?"

"Yeah, hang on!" I yelled, probably far too harsh. My body was buzzing, and I wanted to cry. I heard chuckling, and looked to see that Haley had gathered herself up, covering her chest with the blanket.

"Your family." She shook her head. I wasn’t quite sure what humor she saw in this situation, because I certainly failed to see it.

"Fuck." I muttered as I found some clothes. I tugged a sweatshirt over my head, and looked at Haley. God, she looked so beautiful sitting there, the morning sun coming into the room to fill it with light, bright from all the whiteness outside.

"I’ll help you." She got out of the bed, quickly finding her own clothes, and turning her back to me as she dressed.

We sat in the Jeep in front of Haley’s house, snow all around. The plows must have come through early this morning, though driving was still slow going. Neither of us had said much since this morning. I felt afraid, not sure where the safe footing was.

"Well, I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow." She turned to me, smiling.

"Yeah. Sounds good." I smiled back. She leaned over and kissed me softly on the cheek.

"Thanks, Andi. Goodbye," she whispered, her hand already on the handle of the door. I smiled, nodded.

"Bye."

I watched as she got out of my car, grabbing her bag from the backseat. She looked at me from the open door, her face unreadable, then turned and closed it, making her way to her house. With a sigh, I got the Jeep in gear, and headed home.

The house was quiet, mom heading straight for bed after a long weekend. I headed to my room, turning the stereo on, and sat at the computer, intending to play some Literati.

The music began, and I realized that Haley had left one of her Linda Eder CDs in it.

I listened to the words:

In a very unusual way, one time I needed you.

In a very unusual way, you were my friend.

Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.

But somehow it will never end.

I brought my hands up, burying my face as the tears fell.

* * *

I walked through the next couple of months like a zombie, going through the motions. Haley and I had begun to drift further and further away from each other until it felt like she was a distant call, sometimes heard in the night, but not loud enough to show me my way home.

Fear had completely overtaken me after that weekend after spring break. I took the blame upon myself, a little girl playing in a woman’s world that I wasn’t ready for. What would my mom say? What would I say? My future was so bright, laying out before me, and I was watching my best friend walk away. I was allowing it.

I had stopped eating by locker number 218, and had pulled out of the tutor program.

I had taken it too far, and things should never have progressed how they had. When I would see Haley in the hall at school, and I always looked for her, though I knew I’d never talk with her, she met my gaze, staring at me, always looking as though she had something to say, but neither of us could ever speak.

The snow was clearing out as spring came along, melting quickly into summer. The graduation buzz was all that was heard at school, senioritis striking quick and swift. If only it were my turn, and I could leave Winston and everyone in it behind. And the memories.

I walked by the gym, seeing all the seniors getting fitted for their gowns. I knew Haley was in there somewhere, though there were so many kids, who knew where?

"Hey." I stopped short, startled. I turned to see Haley standing by the girl’s bathroom, the door not even fully closed behind her.

"Hi. I see you guys got your gowns." She nodded, smiling weakly.

"Yeah. Kind of exciting."

"I bet. That’s great. Um, congratulations."

"Thanks. Andi,"

"Look, I have to get back to class. I had to drop something off in the office. So, um, I’ll see you later."

I hurried on, not looking back.

* * *

I locked my car, feeling the bulk of the small disposable camera in the pocket of my cargo shorts. The seniors were all lined up at Winston High School’s stadium. All the bleachers were filled with proud family members. The stage was set up with important faculty members already seated.

I hooked my fingers through the chain link fence, just wanting to get a picture, wanting something to remember her by. The school’s symphony started playing the traditional commencement march, and the seniors marched onto the field. I searched for her, wanting to see her face on such an important day. I felt the lump that had been in my throat for the last two months, grow even larger as I spotted her, her face glowing with pride and happiness in her dark blue gown, mortar board with the red tassel hanging down.

Grabbing the camera from my pocket, I raised it to my eye, and snapped the shutter.

* * *

Tears streamed down my face as I sat on my bed, legs curled up under me, the camera laying beside me. The words played in my head as they played on the stereo.

Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.

But somehow it will never end.

In a very unusual way,

I think I’m in love with you.

In a very unusual way, I want to cry.

Something inside me goes weak, something inside me surrenders.

You’re the reason why, you’re the reason why…

I grabbed the remote, pushing stop. The stereo turned itself off, and I turned back to my bills, writing out checks to everyone and their brother.

Knock, knock

"Come on in, Erin. It’s open." I yelled. The back door opened, and I heard footsteps across the hardwood floor. Arms sneaked around my neck, and warm lips placed a kiss on my cheek.

"Good morning."

"Hey you." I reached up, hugging the arms, a smile on my face.

"What are you doing? Are you ready?"

"Yeah. I’m working on my checkbook." My girlfriend sat in the chair across the table from me. "You know, sometimes I feel like I’ll never get this house paid off. They raised the taxes again. Vultures, I tell you." She smiled.

"I know, baby. You know, we could be paying on just one house," She let her sentence drop off. It took everything in me to not sigh in irritation. I looked into hopeful brown eyes.

"Erin, we’ve talked about this." She sighed, patting my hand.

"I know. I’m sorry. Guess I just figure one of these days." She smiled. "Are you ready? Come on. I know you don’t want to be late to see the sacred Linda Eder. What is this? Your third concert?"

"Fifth, but who’s counting." I grinned, and closed my checkbook. "Let’s go." I stood, scooting my chair under the table, and grabbed my car keys and the tickets, following Erin back out the way she’d come in, locking the door behind us.

Part 9

I looked at my sandwich, wondering just what kind of meat they had substituted for chicken this time. The label on the wrap said grilled chicken; it was the color of chicken, and even had nifty little grill marks, however, never in all of my twenty-nine years had I tasted chicken that tasted so much like soy. Not even way back in my days at school. They managed to hide it better.

I wrapped what was left of it back in the wrapper, and set it aside, deciding I would be happy to munch on my bag of carrots. At least I’d remembered to bring those. I could still see my lunch sitting on the counter in the kitchen, completely forgotten as I ran out the door. I hated staying so late at Erin’s. I was lucky to remember my head the next day.

With a sigh, I popped another baby carrot into my mouth, glanced toward the door of the cafeteria to see if Erin was going to show up today. Looking at the clock, I realized I only had a little while longer to wait before I had to return to the lab. It was a very important day today. Dr. Samantha Torres and I had performed tests on a patient’s cells to see if he would respond positively to Exrenton, the medicine we were trying to perfect. Our specialty was the MS patients. Here at the Mayo Clinic, we saw the oddest, most complicated of cases. It was hard not to get frustrated sometimes when more and more cases were being brought our way every year.

"Hello, Dr. Littman." I turned and saw Erin tossing her purse down on the table, followed by the food she’d just picked up.

"It’s about time you show up."

"I know. I got held up." I looked at the scrubs she wore, a nurse in pediatrics, little teddy bears and ducks waddled all over the purple material.

"Um, interesting?" I nodded toward the outfit. She looked down at herself, brushing brown hair behind her ear, and shrugged.

"Well, the kids seem to like it."

"I’m sure they do. It’s cute." She looked at me, resting her chin on her hand.

"What’s wrong, Andi?" I looked at her, not really wanting to discuss our personal life here.

"Nothing."

"That’s not true. Is it because of the weekend?" I sat back in my chair, tossing the remainder of the carrots onto the table.

"Maybe."

"What’s to be angry about? We got over it."

"You got over it, I think you mean. You got your way last night. I doubt there was much for you to get over." She leaned forward, lowering her voice.

"Andi, all I wanted you to do was stay the weekend with me." She stared into my eyes. "Was that so bad?"

"It is when you can’t have the mind to consider what I say, and what I want. Yes, I have a problem with that, and yes, it’s going to make me angry."

"Oh, I didn’t mean to make you mad." She brushed her shoe against my leg. "Did you have fun over the weekend? Enjoy your time alone?" I nodded, taking a drink from my soda.

"I did. I told you I had a big week ahead of me, and I needed time by myself." She shrugged, looking at our co-workers, many of which I’ve never met, and sighed.

"You and I are so different, Andi."

"I’ll agree to that." She looked at me, and smiled.

"That’s about all you’ll agree with me on." I glared playfully.

"That’s not true. I mean, I agree that your feet stink, that your place is messy, that,"

"Okay, okay. Enough battering for one day." I grinned at her, letting her know that I was kidding.

"So, let me make up my pouting tonight."

"And how do you plan to do that?" I finished off my Dr Pepper, crushing the can in my hand.

"I’ll make you dinner. Grilled lemon salmon, your favorite."

"Oh, you are not nice." I ran a hand through my hair, trying to decide mentally if I wanted to go, if I’d have enough energy after what I knew would ultimately be a long day, to go. I looked at her. "Okay, you’re on."

"Great." She smiled, wide and bright. That had been one of the first things that had caught my eye three years ago. When she smiled she looked so young, so innocent. "What time?"

"Six? Seven at the latest."

"Oh, baby. You’re going to be here that late?" I shrugged, pushing my chair back from the table.

"It depends on how much we get done today."

"Okay. Talk to you later?"

"Yup." I ran my fingers over her shoulder as I passed by her, on my way back to the lab. As I walked down the hall, hands in the pockets of my khakis, I thought about my life, and where I was. I was on the verge of thirty, and I thought back to when I was younger, and what I had wanted for myself then. I had pretty much stayed on course, save for a few minor setbacks.

I certainly had the job of my dreams, though I had never imagined I’d still be in Minnesota. That’s every kid’s dream, isn’t it? To get out of their hometown? Home state? I had been on that trail, had even left Minnesota.

I sighed, smiling at a doctor who passed me, though for the life of me I couldn’t remember his name. The front desk of the Mayo Clinic was coming up just ahead. I glanced at the front door, seeing the bright May sunshine, then began to take a right, down the hall that would lead to my lab, but I stopped short, hearing some commotion at the front desk.

"What’s going on with my brother!" a woman snarled, the voice deep and harsh.

"Ma’am, I told you that you’ll have to talk with his doctors. Dr. Samung hasn’t completed his examination,"

"Look, I don’t give a rat’s ass what doctor man has to say. You tell me where he’s at right now."

As I entered the main entrance way, I saw a tall woman leaning menacingly over the front desk, the receptionist looked frightened out of her way.

"Honey, now you need to stop that." I looked and saw a shorter, blonde woman with a cowboy hat on, her hand on the other woman’s back.

"Stay out of this, Tyg."

"I said knock it off." The blonde pulled the woman by the back of her jeans, starting a deadly staring match between the two. I was almost afraid for the small blonde.

"Y’all can’t come into an establishment like this an scare the bejesus outta this nice lady."

The tall woman crossed her arms over her chest, then looked at the receptionist, who I’m not sure had even taken a breath, yet.

"I’m sorry," she mumbled, then turned away. I walked over to them, and the woman behind the desk’s face lit up.

"Dr. Littman!" Gee, I didn’t realize were so close.

"Hello." I looked at the two women looking at me expectantly, hope filling the taller one’s blue eyes.

"You a doctor?" I nodded. "Then tell me what’s going on with my brother, Johnny." I could tell she was near the boiling point again, and I had to do something to defuse her, and quick.

"Listen, I heard as I walked up here, so what do you say we get a cup of coffee?" The woman looked at me as if I’d grown three heads.

"Honey, Jamie, go on with her." The blonde was standing beside me, her hand on the other woman’s shoulder. "Let me take care of this." They looked at each other.

"Tyg, I am not about to leave him."

"Honey, you ain’t leaving anybody. Johnny is in good hands." The one named Jamie sighed, then looked at me, nodded.

"Alright, doc. You buyin’?" I grinned, nodded.

"Follow me." We walked down the hall, the heels of her boots clicking on the tile. "So, who’s your brother?" I glanced over at her. She looked straight ahead, her dark hair, which fell around her face, hiding much of her profile.

"John Madden."

"Older or younger?" I turned into the cafeteria, headed for the coffee line.

"He’s my baby brother."

"Oh, I’ve got one of those, too." I smiled up at her, then handed her a paper cup. "He’s back home now, though. I’m about to be an aunt." She smiled at me.

"Where’s home?"

"Winston. Not too far. Where are you from?"

"Texas, LaGrange." Both our cups filled with steaming coffee, I led Jamie to a table, away from the hustle and bustle of the lunch crowd.

"I’ve never been to Texas. What do you do there?" I rested my cheek on my hand. Jamie sipped from her coffee, wrinkling her nose.

"This stuff is weak. They’re obviously not used to the coffee on a ranch." She smiled, pushing her cup aside.

"Do you live on a ranch, Jamie?" she nodded.

"Tyg and me, that’s the woman out there," she pointed toward the door, "we run the Triple M Ranch down there. Move horses and cattle." I was surprised; she didn’t look much like a rancher. The other one, though. The country life was written all over her.

"Sounds nice."

"It’s beautiful."

"So tell me about John." Jamie looked down for a second, her fingers entwined, nervously rubbing against each other.

"He got sick, maybe a year ago. None of the doctors in the infirmary could do anything."

"Infirmary? I hear the doctors in the military’s infirmaries are wonderful." She looked down again, taking a deep breath.

"Johnny isn’t in the armed services, doc." She looked up at me, pain in her eyes. "A prison infirmary."

"Oh. I’m sorry." She shrugged.

"You keep messing things up, keep trying to beat the system, it’ll beat you back." She leaned back in her chair, one arms hanging behind the back.

"So what were his symptoms?"

"At first it started out with his energy just dropping to nothing. He’s a young guy, but just like that," she snapped her fingers. "He’d be dead tired. No one could understand it. Then, finally Tyg and me went to visit him, and he collapsed right there behind the glass. The cops took him to the infirmary, they sent him to the hospital, and then sent him back to prison. It kept happening, then he started bleeding from certain places, and back to the hospital he went. They gave him some drugs, did some tests, but nothing did the trick. So," she sighed. "Here we are." She looked around the cafeteria, then her eyes landed on me. "Can you help him, doc?"

"There you are. Come on, honey. We need to get." We both turned to see Tyg standing by the table. She smiled at me. "Howdy. Tyg McClure." I took her outstretched hand, and shook it.

"Andi Littman."

"Y’all can help Johnny, right?" Her eyes showed such concern, such care and love. I was touched by these two.

"We’re going to do our best, Tyg. That’s all I can say."

"And that’s enough." She gave me another winning smile, then turned to Jamie. "Come on, honey. The doctor wants to talk to us." Jamie pushed her chair back and stood. She looked at me, and smiled.

"Thanks, doc."

"Take care." She nodded, and Tyg tipped her hat, then they walked away. I watched them, the way they interacted with each other, so much love shining in both their eyes. I wondered if more love like that was out there somewhere. Would I ever see it?

* * *

I stepped out of the shower, the steam swirling around me. It was a chilly day, the wind making the fifty degrees seem much less. I wrapped a towel around me, tucking the ends together. I walked over to the mirror, swiping my hand across the smooth, cold surface. The whites of my eyes were red, making the green stand out even more. I was so tired, long days and little rest beginning to wear on me.

Since Dr. Torres had joined my staff, our work load had nearly tripled. She was intelligent and observant, and we usually never even realized that thirteen hours had passed. Samantha’s fiancé wasn’t happy with me very often. Work was my life. Perhaps Erin should fit into that somewhere. I was so confused with that.

After all the time we’d been together, I just couldn’t take that extra step. Couldn’t allow her to be completely in my life, but erected barricades for her to attempt to breach, knowing full well that the more of my wall she managed to crumble, the higher I built it.

With a sigh, I grabbed a comb and began to work on the tangles in my hair. I had a dinner date to keep.

* * *

"So, does it smell good in here?" I laid my jacket across the back of Erin’s couch, and followed her into the kitchen.

"Sure does. I’m starving." I leaned against the counter, arms crossed over my chest as I watched her work.

"Want me to do anything?" I pushed off, and walked over to the table, set for two, replete with candles, and a bottle of wine. I picked it up to read the label.

"You can pour that if you want. The food’s just about done."

"You got it."

"Oh, and push play on the remote, will you?" I saw the remote to the stereo sitting on the computer desk, and grabbed it, pushed the green button. As I worked with the corkscrew, I stopped, glancing over my shoulder at the stereo.

"I know how much you love Linda Eder," I heard whispered in my ear from behind me, arms snaking around my waist. "And, you seem to play this song a lot."

"I know. ‘Unusual Way’."

"That’s right." She kissed my earlobe.

"The song is just, I don’t know," I thought for a moment, trying to place why.

"Well, it is beautiful." Erin turned me around in her embrace, her eyes closed as she inhaled my skin. "You smell so good." I listened to the words of the song,

In a very unusual way, one time I needed you.

In a very unusual way, you were my friend.

Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.

But somehow it will never end.

In a very unusual way, I think I’m in love with you,

In a very unusual way, I want to cry.

Something inside me goes weak, something inside me surrenders.

You’re the reason why, you’re the reason why

I closed my eyes, a pang of sadness shooting through me, though I couldn’t place it no matter how hard I tried.

"Andi?" My eyes slowly opened at the soft voice, low with concern. I saw the dark eyes looking into my own, the face so close. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"Yeah. I’m fine. Why?" I tried to shake myself out of it, utterly confused.

"You just, well, you look like you’re about to cry or something."

"Yeah, I don’t think so." I stepped out of her embrace, taking a deep breath before putting on a smile. "Come on, woman. Where’s this food you promised me?" She looked at me for a moment, her eyes staring into mine, then turned and headed back into the kitchen.

I grabbed the remote, and forwarded the CD to the next song.

"Sit." Erin began to bring dishes out of the kitchen, loading the table up with incredible smelling food. I grabbed the wine bottle, pouring each of us a glass, then sat.

"This looks and smells wonderful, Erin." She smiled at me.

"Thanks, sweetie. Well, dig in!"

I piled my plate high with the incredible smelling salmon, asparagus and baby potatoes.

"I don’t know what I’d do without your cooking, Erin." I closed my eyes as I savored my first bite of fish.

"Learn to cook yourself?" She smiled at me, then began to eat. Erin prattled on about her day, and her mother coming to visit from Arizona in August, and about the latest patient that had been checked into her unit at work, I watched her speak, watched her fingers as they gripped her fork, or the knife as she cut into the meat, the way they wrapped so delicately around the stem of her wine glass. Her lips, just short of being completely full, but soft all the same. Eyes, dark and mischievous, yet caring and full of love and kind words for those that she cared about.

All those great qualities that Erin possessed, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to truly let her in, to give what I had. Hell, I’m not so sure I even had it to give. So, perhaps it wasn’t Erin at all. It was me.

I’d been in three relationships since coming out during my second year of college, and had had several more lovers, but not one of those women were able to get inside.

Coming out, that was a time that I’d like to forget, but never will be able to. I remember standing in my mom’s kitchen, knowing I needed to tell her. At that point in my life, honesty was no longer an issue. I had been leaning against the counter, staring down at my hands, trying to find the right words.

"Honey, what is it?" my mom had asked, handing me a cup of decaf. I looked at her, taking a deep breath.

"Mom, I think I have something to tell you."

"More surprises, huh?" She smiled, I smiled back.

"Yeah, I guess so. I’ve had something on my mind since, well, for awhile now." I ran my hands through my hair nervously. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and my eyes found their way to her gaze.

"Honey, no matter what it is, I’ll always love you. You know that, right?" I nodded, feeling my throat begin to choke up. God, I hated this. Always so damn emotional now.

"Mom, I think I may be gay." My eyes began to sting, the tears close to the surface. I forced myself to look at my mom, I needed to see her acceptance. She looked surprised for a moment, then a slow smile spread across her face, as she nodded.

"I wondered. I mean, other than Scott, you just never really seemed interested." I swallowed my emotion back as I nodded, with a weak grin.

"Yeah." I felt horrible, like I was disappointing her. "I’m sorry."

"Honey," arms surrounded me in a tight hug. "Oh, honey. Don’t you dare apologize for who you are. I won’t lie to you in that I’ve always wanted to help you plan your wedding, pick out a dress and all that, but Andrea," she placed a hand on either side of her face, making me look into her eyes. "I couldn’t be more proud of you. No matter what you or Chris decided to do, I’d be proud. If you chose to become a ditch digger, and that made you happy, as long as you were the best ditch digger you could possibly be, I’d be proud to be your mom."

The tears began to fall in earnest as I clung to my mother.

"Honey? Andi?"

"What?" I shook my head, trying to get the past out of my head. "Sorry. Got lost in thought."

"I guess so. Are you ready for dessert?" A slow smile spread across my face.

"Bring it on." She tossed her napkin aside, and headed back to the kitchen to grab the chocolate mousse that I had been waiting for all night.

"So what do you have going this weekend?" she asked, carrying two chilled dishes.

"Kendall."

"Oh. Didn’t you guys get together a few weeks ago?" She handed me a spoon.

"Thanks. Yeah, but she has a science fair coming up, and wants some help. So. We’re going to make a weekend of it."

"It’s really great, this whole mentor program thing you’ve got going."

"Thanks." I smiled, and dipped my spoon into the dessert.

* * *

I pulled up in front of the Torrini house, and cut the engine. It was such a nice, peaceful town, Pelican View. I always liked that. Plus, it wasn’t too far from either Rochester, where I lived now, or Winston, so I could visit mom either before or after I picked up Kendall. I opened the door, and stepped out onto the sidewalk, made my way to the front door.

Waiting patiently for the doorbell to be answered, and turned to look at the houses across the street, lawns turning green as summer marched closer and closer, flowers beginning to bloom.

"Andi. Hello." I turned to see Melanie Torrini standing in the open doorway. "How are you, dear?"

"I’m doing well. And yourself?"

"Oh, just fine, just fine. I read about you in the paper last week. We’re so proud of you." She reached out and squeezed my hand. "Kendall! Andi’s here for you."

"Thank you, Melanie. I really appreciate that." She smiled at me again.

"Kendall will be here in a moment. I need to get back to my muffins. I think they’re about to burn." She hurried toward the kitchen, and I heard footsteps pounding on the floor above me as Kendall ran toward the stairs. A smile automatically came to my lips, and I took a deep breath.

"Hi, Andi!"

"Hey, you." I smiled as the girl ran down the stairs. I was almost afraid she’d tumble down the rest of the way. She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a daisy on the front, her dark hair back in a braid. Her eyes always amazed me – so bright and intelligent. "You ready?"

"Yup. Got my stuff right here." She patted the backpack she carried, smiling up at me.

"Okay, let’s go."

Kendall got herself belted up in the front seat of my Jeep, and turned to smile at me.

"So, how’s school?" I pulled onto the street, and got us headed back to Rochester.

"It’s good. I’m glad it’s almost over, though."

"Have any plans for the summer?" I turned onto the highway, headed home.

"Not really. My mom and dad are talking about going on vacation somewhere, but I don’t know where."

"Why not? Aren’t you going?"

"Well, of course!" She put her hands on her narrow hips. "I’m too little to stay home alone." I grinned, nodding.

"Too true."

"They just don’t know where we’re going, yet."

"Oh, I see." In my work I’m always around adults, serious types who don’t have the time or inclination toward messing around, or fun, really. But being around this little girl, so young and vibrant and innocent, always brought me back to a much simpler time. Kendall made me feel almost light, again.

* * *

"Any reaction, yet?" I shook my head, staring intently into the microscope. "Damn. I really thought we’d see something by now." I stood with a sigh.

"Me, too." I looked at my colleague. "Well, I guess we head back to square one." Samantha nodded.

"Win some, lose some, eh, Dr. Littman?" Running my hands through my hair, I nodded, doing my best to hide the disappointment.

"I really thought we had it this time."

"What went wrong?" Dr. Torres walked over to the microscope and looked in at the slide.

"I don’t know. I guess the cells just didn’t separate like we thought they would. I think the temperatures weren’t right; too cold, maybe. Let’s try again."

"Well, Dr. Littman, why don’t we-"

"Try it again, Dr. Torres. I know this will work." I headed toward the rat cages, looking for Mickey, the rat that had originally been tested on for our newest mix. I rolled my eyes when I heard the office phone ring. Damnit. I had work to do, and didn’t have time for this. "Dr. Littman." I stood by my desk, hand on my hip as I waited impatiently for the caller to talk.

"Hey, Andi."

"Hello, Erin. What’s up? I’m busy."

"Well, well, it’s the all-important Andrea Littman." I could hear the hurt in her voice.

"I’m sorry. What’s up?"

"There’s a patient up in critical who wants to speak with you." My brows narrowed.

"Me? Why me? Where’s the patient’s doctor?"

"Don’t know. She wants to speak with the research staff, and who better to talk with. Her name is, oh hell, I don’t remember. It begins with an h, I think. She’s in room 301."

"Okay. I’ll get up to her when I can."

"Thanks, babe." I smiled.

"Sure. Catch you later."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone, glanced at Samantha.

"Dr. Torres, I have to run upstairs for a few. Think you can handle this on your own?" My colleague turned to me, nodding.

"Certainly."

I grabbed my lab coat from the hook on the back of my office door, and headed out of the lab.

Part 10

As I walked the halls of the Clinic, my mind raced. I was not good with this sort of thing, thus my going into research as opposed to bedside medicine. I had no idea what to say to this woman, nor really how to say it. Chances were if she was already in critical, there wasn’t much I could say to bring her comfort.

I sighed, pushing the button for the elevator, tapping my toe on the tile as I waited. When I had gone to school it had never been a thought which way I’d go; practice or research. I didn’t have that magic touch that a doctor needed to make her patients feel comfortable or safe. I had the knowledge, knew the ways to diagnose and treat, but had always had that one, fundamental part missing that would make me a great doctor. And that was basic people skills.

I never understood what made me so different from everyone else. I didn’t really think about it much, anymore, though it used to drive me crazy and frustrate the crap out of me when my college professors tried and tried to get me to go into practicing medicine. But, I loved my job and all it entailed, and I was very dedicated to it. Dr. Torres and I, and all my previous colleagues, had made some wonderful advances in curing MS, and other diseases. So, when other classmates from college have told me when we’ve run into each other, how rewarding it is to see their patient’s face when they’ve been told their cancer is gone, or in remission, or the look on a new mother’s face when she sees her baby for the first time, I think of the look on my fellow scientist’s faces when something we’ve been working on so hard turns out right, or when I wake up in the middle of the night because a theory has woken me up, and it proves true.

A smile spread across my face. That was when it really mattered to me. That was what touched me so deeply.

The elevator dinged open, and I stepped into the car, pressing the button for the floor I wanted. I went over in my head all the things that we’d been working on in the lab, trying to prepare myself for any questions she may have. I was also trying to think of all the things I was taught about malpractice and all the dos and don’ts of talking with a patient- the areas I was supposed to avoid.

"Hello, Dr. Littman," one of the nurses said from behind the nurse’s station. I had no clue who she was. I smiled and nodded, heading toward room 301. I stopped at the door, and went inside. The room was like any other at the Mayo, narrow bed, pleasing decorations to try and make the patient feel more at ease and at peace. The TV was on, but the sound was turned low. A wheelchair sat against the wall, under the window. I turned to look at the patient and saw she was staring at me. She looked pretty good, short strands of dark hair shiny from a recent wash.

"Hello," I grabbed the woman’s chart from the end of the bed and looked for her name, "Mrs. Blackwell. How are you?" Blue eyes lit up with her smile.

"Well, I’ve had better days, but overall I’m doing alright." I heard the water turn on in the small bathroom by the door, and figured she had a visitor. "And please, call me Hannah."

"Alright. Hannah it is. I’m Dr. Littman from the research department, and I’ve heard you have some questions for us."

"Oh, yes. I’m so glad you’re here."

"Hannah, here’s your water." I turned as I heard the bathroom door squeak open. A figure stepped out, and my eyes widened as recognition filled me. "Oh, I didn’t realize we weren’t alone." She laughed, setting the water pitcher on Hannah’s bed table, then walked over to me with an extended hand. "Hi, I’m Dr. Corregan." I took the hand, still stunned as I looked into blue eyes. Did my eyes deceive me, or was my past trying to shake my hand? She looked at me with an expectant, polite smile. Did she not remember me?

"Dr. Littman." She looked at me, her eyes narrowing.

"Littman. Any relation to the Winston Littman’s?" She cocked her head to the side, eyeing my face. "Andi?" I nodded.

"Hello, Haley."

"My goodness." She smiled, stepping back to take me in, her hand on her chest. "This is quite a surprise, I must say."

"You’re telling me. What are you doing here?" She pointed toward the bed.

"I was about to give Hannah her psych eval. And you?"

"Well, I was supposed to answer some questions for her, but seeing as you got here first, I’ll come back. It was nice to see you again, though."

"And you. Perhaps we could get together sometime and catch up." I smiled, nodding.

"Perhaps. Well, good day to you both."

With one last glance at a memory, I turned and headed out into the hall. Imagine that. I hadn’t seen Haley in so many years, and really barely remembered much of our friendship. As I made my way to the elevators, small bits flashed before my mind’s eye. I remembered going to some hideous party with her, though I can’t tell you who threw it. Something about a Koosh ball, maybe? Maybe that was someone else.

It had been nearly eleven years since I’d seen Haley. We had seen each other once when she’d come back from school for Christmas break. It had been in the mall, but neither of us had stopped. We had stared, waved, then moved on.

I stuck my hands in the pocket of my lab coat as the elevator smoothly whirred downward, getting me closer to my own little world of the lab.

Where had my memories gone so wrong? I was convinced that I had not had any friends in school, and that those had been lonely years for me. My life had not truly began until college, and I had made the conscious decision to forget most of high school, and anything before that. Yet, there she was, upstairs talking to a sick young woman.

Shrugging, I pushed open the door to my lab, and headed to my office.

* * *

I sighed, already tired as I hung my coat on the back of a chair in the cafeteria. Erin had managed to get here first, saving a table for us. She sat reading a Redbook magazine.

"Are you going to eat?" I asked, reaching into my pocket to get my money. She looked up, shaking her head.

"Nah. I’m not hungry."

"You know, you say that now, but as soon as I get back to the table, you know you’ll be digging into my plate." She fluttered dark lashes at me, an innocent smile on her face.

"Me? Never."

"Salad or sandwich?"

"Really, Andi, I’m fine."

"Salad it is. I’ll be right back." The lines had already began to form, reminding me of days back in school. I walked over, and began to look around as I waited. Somewhere I thought I heard my name, but my mind was so far gone, and I was never called Andi here at work.

"Andi?" Eyes narrowing, I looked around until I saw blue eyes staring at me from three people behind me in line. I smiled.

"Hi. Go ahead." I allowed the two doctors behind me to go ahead of me, and I stood in front of Haley. She smiled.

"How are you?"

"I’m great. Yourself?"

"Good, good. Just trying to get used to a new job."

"Yes, when did you get here? I’m certain I would have remembered you." I smiled, taking a step as the line moved up.

"Well, I actually got here Monday." She smiled.

"Four whole days, huh?" She nodded. "Where did you come from?"

"I had a position at UCLA teaching for the last two years."

"Really? So how did you end up here? I mean, I assume you were acting in some capacity of a psychologist with Hannah Blackwell."

"Yes. I’m a psychiatrist, so after all the schooling, I’ve actually only been out in the so-called real world for about two years." She ran a hand down the back of her hair, shoulder length now, the sides pulled up to meet in a thin braid that ran down the rest of her hair. "My father got sick about five years ago."

"Oh, I’m so sorry."

"Yes, he was diagnosed with MS. He did well for a while, then he just started to go downhill in the last year. Mom can’t do it alone, so I came back to help out for a while."

"That must be so hard on your family. I know it’s not an easy disease." She looked at me, shaking her head.

"No, it’s not. So, what about you? I certainly didn’t think you’d stay in Minnesota." She smiled, grabbing a bottled iced tea as we passed the drink cooler.

"Well, I left for a short while, but then came back. It’s a long story. I got this job, and the rest is history."

"How long have you been here?" She grabbed her silverware, wrapping it in a napkin as the line moved a bit more.

"Hmm. Let me think. Dr. Wills helped me get an internship here during my last year of undergrad,"

"Yes, I’ve heard a great deal about your Dr. Wills. He’s made quite a name for himself."

"I know. I’m so proud of him. We still keep in close contact." I smiled.

"Always nice to have contacts."

"This is true. Anyway, so I did my internship here all through school, then after I graduated with my doctorate, they gave me a position here in the lab. So, all told I’d say I’ve been here about ten years."

"Wow! Good for you." She grabbed a salad that was in a plastic container with a clear lid. I grabbed one for Erin and a turkey sandwich for myself. "Hungry?" I looked at her to see a wide smile that for a moment hit me as so familiar, like I’d seen it every day since I was seventeen.

"Well, I’m feeding two."

"Ah. I see. So how did you end up going to school here? My mom said you went to some school on the east coast."

"Well, that’s a long story to be told another time." I smiled, handing my money to the cashier at the end of the line. "I’ll see you later, Haley."

"Yeah. Bye, Andi."

I quickly headed back to the table where Erin waited for me. With a smile, she grabbed the salad from my hands.

"Thanks. Who was that?" She indicated the food line with her plastic fork.

"Oh, an old friend from school."

"Oh, one of those college buddies?" I shook my head, tearing open the packet of mayonnaise to squirt onto my sandwich.

"No. I knew her in Winston."

"She’s attractive," Erin said absently, watching Haley as she walked over to a table, sitting with people I recognized from the psychology department.

"Yup. That she is."

* * *

"You better hurry up and lick that." I smiled, watching Kendall attempt to eat an ice cream cone that was melting faster than her tongue could work. She licked the strawberry from her fingers, and continued eating. "So, what’s this I hear about you and Jenna being caught smoking?" She looked at me, her eyes wide with surprise and fear.

"How do you know?"

"Your mom told me, Kendall." Narrow shoulders slumping, she sighed, tossing what was left of her ice cream into a nearby trash can.

"She promised," she mumbled.

"Honey, your mom didn’t tell me to betray you, or go back on her word. She’s worried about you." The girl shrugged.

"It only happened once, and it was gross. I won’t do it again, Andi." I looked at her, staring into green eyes.

"You know, when I was your age, I once found a bottle of tequila that belonged to my mother."

"What’s tequila?"

"Really strong, nasty alcohol."

"Drunk kind?"

"Yup. Drunk kind. So, I was curious, and took a huge drink of it. I got so sick." I smiled at her, she smiled back, a hole where her right canine should be. She had been so proud of that hole, telling me she was getting "grown up" teeth.

"Did your mom find out?" I nodded.

"Oh, yeah. She had to take me to the hospital." Her eyes opened wide.

"Uh oh!" I smiled, wrapping my arm around her.

"Yeah, uh oh. I got into so much trouble for that. Kendall, you’re only ten years old. I don’t want to see anything like that happen to you. You’re smart, beautiful, so talented the way you can already dance and sing. Stay the way you are, okay?" She nodded slowly, exaggerated. "Don’t let other kids who act stupid make you act stupid, too. Okay?" We stared at each other, and in that moment I felt a huge wave of pride and love wash through me for this little girl who had added so much to my life.

"I’m sorry, Andi. I didn’t mean to make you mad." I hugged the little girl to me as we sat on the bench at the Rochester Mall.

"I’m not mad at you, honey. Just want to make sure you’re happy. That’s my job, okay?" She looked up at me, nodding with a wide grin. I smiled back, hugging her again.

"So I see you have a new shopping buddy." I looked up to see Haley smiling down at us.

"Hey." I smiled at her. "Are you here alone?" I looked around, but saw no one familiar.

"No. Mom’s in the Wooden Spoon over there." She pointed to the shop across the hall that sold different coffees and things for the kitchen. "I finally managed to get her out of the house today, and out of town."

"How’s your dad?" She shrugged.

"Alright, I guess. I’ve hired a nurse to help them out. Mom just really needed a break."

"I imagine so."

"So," She clapped her hands together, smiling at Kendall. "Who’s this?"

"Oh, Haley, this is Kendal Torrini, Kendall, Haley Corregan."

"Nice to meet you, ma’am." Kendall extended a small hand to my old friend. Haley smiled, completely charmed, as most were by Kendall.

"Well, hello, Kendall. And I’ll tell you what, you can just call me Haley, okay?" The girl nodded.

"And as far as shopping buddies, Kendall here was craving ice cream, so we stopped to get her some."

"Na unh, you wanted ice cream, Andi." I looked down into narrowed eyes, and heard a bout of laughter. I glared up at Haley.

"Okay, okay. So I’m the one with the sweet tooth." Kendall smiled triumphantly.

"Well, I see nothing’s changed there." Haley grinned.

"Ha ha. So is your mom still teaching?" Haley nodded.

"Yes, but only part time over the past year, so she could be with dad. Her school has been wonderful about it."

"That’s great."

"How’s your mom, Andi? I haven’t seen her in years. Does she still make those wonderful brownies?" Kendall giggled.

"I had some last weekend."

"Well, you’re one lucky little girl, then."

"Care to sit?" I patted the bench next to me.

"Sure."

"Anyway, so yes she does, and she’s doing great. She’s finally made it to head nurse at the hospital."

"Oh, how wonderful." Haley crossed her legs, setting the package she’d been holding down next to her.

"She got married recently."

"Married? Your mom? Wow. To who?"

"To a guy she had been seeing for a while. I don’t know if you remember Clive?"

"Of course I do. He was great on the barbeque grill."

"Still is." We both chuckled. "They split up for about five years or so, then ran into each other again, and the rest is history."

"That’s really neat. Your mom is such a wonderful woman. How about your brother?" I was amazed and impressed with how much she remembered of my life and family. So maybe I was the only schmuck who couldn’t remember my own name.

"Chris is doing great. He and his wife are expecting any day now." A soft smile spread across Haley’s lips, and into her eyes.

"Ah. So sweet. You’ll be an aunt. Is this their first?" I nodded.

"He and his friend, Brian opened up a garage a few years back, and I have never had to pay for an oil change since." She threw her head back as laughter came out. I smiled, looking at her. She was such a nice person. I had forgotten that. Just one smile could brighten up the room.

"Does he work on foreign cars, too?" I nodded. "Wow. I may have to try this out." She smiled. "Good for him."

"Yes, we’re very proud of him. You have a brother, right?"

"I sure do." Score for Andi! "He lives in New York and works as an architect."

"Wow. Knock me over with a feather."

"I know. Holden isn’t quite the little heathen I always figured he’d be. Actually, he was trying to get picked up by the Minnesota Twins in college, but unfortunately he got picked over. So, off he went. He’s engaged to be married to a wonderful girl named Stacey. Very nice girl, also an architect."

"Very smart girl."

"That she is."

"There you are." We all looked up and saw Mrs. Corregan standing in front of us. Haley stood.

"Mom, do you remember Andi Littman?"

"Of course. How are you, dear?" She smiled warmly at me, and I smiled back. Wow, she had aged. I figured it was probably all that she’d been through with her husband. Poor woman.

"I’m fine." I stood, placing my hand on her arm briefly. "I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. I know that this is not an easy disease to combat."

"Oh, thank you, honey. From what I hear, I know you’ll come up with some wonderful cure that will take care of Tim." I glanced at Haley to see her smiling proudly at me. I looked down, feeling rather sheepish at the praise.

"Well, I’ll certainly do my best."

"So tell me, Andi, are you still an Eddie Bauer nut?" Again, feeling rather sheepish, I reached under the bench and grabbed a plastic shopping bag, holding it up for her to see. She laughed.

"You’re hopeless. Tell me those aren’t hiking boots." I could see Kendall nodding vigorously out of the corner of my eye. I held the bag tightly around the package inside so she could see the outline of a rectangle box. Haley shook her head. "I knew it." Did this woman forget nothing?

"Well, it helps to be predictable, especially during the holidays." I winked at her, and she grinned.

"Well, mom. You ready?"

"Ready when you are, hon." Both turned to me and Kendall who had also stood by my side.

"It was great chatting with you two." Haley smiled at Kendall. "And it was definitely nice to meet you, Kendall."

"It was nice to meet you, too, Haley." Kendal smiled, puffing her little chest out, proud to feel like one of the adults.

"Take care, Mrs. Corregan."

"Thank you, dear, and how many times do I have to tell you to call me Marsha?" she waggled a finger at me good-naturedly. I smiled, nodding.

"Duly chastised."

I watched the two walk away, chatting amongst themselves, and my eyes drifted to Haley. It seemed bit by bit, day by day more of my time with her came back to me until she filled my thoughts, trying to remember. Wanting to.

"She’s a nice lady." I was ripped from my thoughts by Kendall’s words. I nodded as we started down the main hall of the mall.

"Yes, she is."

* * *

I dropped Kendall off at home, and decided to take the extra time to head home to Winston and visit my mom. As I drove through my hometown, I took in the business that lined the streets, all so familiar to me. Places I’d hung out at with my family, by myself, and with Haley. I stopped at a traffic light, glanced over to my left. Carlos’s Pizza Heaven was packed, cars filling the parking lot, and people going in and out.

A smile spread across my face as I remembered Haley and I there. We had almost adopted it as our hang out. We’d spend many hours there, and had lots of good laughs and talks.

The light turned green, and I drove on.

"Hello? Anyone home?" I laid my car keys on the table by the door, dropping my wallet there, too.

"Andrea? Is that you?" I heard yelled from upstairs.

"Yup." I headed up there, glancing into what had once been my room, but what now belonged to Clive’s youngest, Johnny, now a teenager. Alan, who uses Chris’s room when he comes back from school, was at the university. He was nineteen now, and made me feel old. I remember when Clive would bring the boys over, and we’d have a movie night, or Chris and I would play Play Station with them.

I looked toward my mom and Clive’s room, and saw her folding laundry.

"Hey, you." She smiled, walking over to me and gathering me in a huge hug, nearly cutting off my air supply. But, since I didn’t visit as often as I should have, I never said anything. "What a wonderful surprise. What are you doing here?" I grabbed a pair of socks and folded them together.

"I just dropped Kendall off, so decided to come by and visit."

"How she doing? And when are you going to bring her by?" I shrugged sheepishly.

"I will, I promise."

"You always say that, young lady." She poked at me with her finger. I grinned, batting her finger away. "How’s work, honey?"

"It’s good. Oh, speaking of. You’ll never guess who I ran into there." She looked at me expectantly. "Remember my old friend Haley Corregan?"

"Of course. She was such a pretty girl."

"Yeah, well you should see her now. She works at the clinic."

"How long has she been there?"

"I think a few weeks now."

‘Wow. That’s pretty amazing, hon." She folded a pair of Clive’s long johns, and set them on a growing pile of clothing. "Is she married or anything? Have a family?" I stopped, thinking. My brows drew.

"I don’t know. I guess I didn’t ask her that."

"Well, maybe you should." She smiled at me. "I’m glad you’re here, honey." Another bone-crushing hug. "Are you staying for dinner?" I nodded with a grin.

"I don’t get a home-cooked meal very often, you know."

"I know. I thought I taught you better than that, Andrea."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Come on, you." She put her arm around my shoulders, and we headed downstairs. "It’s just you and me tonight, kid." I was glad. I didn’t get near enough alone time with my mom anymore.

* * *

The lights of my hometown passed by me as I drove, headed back to Rochester. I thought about what my mom had said about Haley, her questions. She was such a mystery to me now. At one time I knew all there was to know about her. What her dreams had been, her hopes, where she planned to go, and what she wanted to do there.

What about now? Had she achieved all that she had wanted to at this time in her life? She was thirty years old now, would turn thirty-one at the end of the year sometime. Had it really been twelve years since we’d seen each other last?

Why do I feel like there is something there, something that I need to remember, to think about?

Clearing my mind of useless thoughts, I noticed a convenience store, and pulled into the parking lot. Once inside, I looked around, feeling the need to surprise Erin tonight. I saw a stand filled with rose bouquets, and grabbed one. They weren’t the best looking flowers you’d ever seen, but on such short notice, it would do.

Bouquet and card in hand, I headed to the counter to pay.

Erin and I had actually been doing pretty good, lately. I still wasn’t sure why we were still together. She was ready to settle down, wanted children, a dog, the whole nine yards. Where there was nothing wrong with this picture, it just wasn’t in the cards for me. I knew that, and accepted that. I just didn’t have it to give, no matter how much I may want to with Erin.

I sighed, a sadness filing me, for not the first time. I wasn’t being fair to Erin, but then again, we’d talked about this so many times, and she knew where I was coming from. I had given her the out so many times, telling her to go out and find someone who was where she was, and who was interested in joint savings.

She said she’d wait.

I smiled as I crossed the city limits of Rochester, suddenly really excited to see her. I felt the need to hold her in my arms, and just bask in the warmth of being loved. Yes, I did love Erin. How could I be with her for three years, and not?

The turnoff to her house was coming up. I followed the road, glancing over at the things I’d bought for her, hoping she’d like them. She’s complained before that I don’t give her surprises, so, here I am.

I pulled up to her house, my headlights reflecting off the garage door of the house. I saw a light on in her bedroom upstairs, so knew she was up. I cut the engine, and grabbed the card, digging a pen out of my coin tray. I clicked the clicker on the end of the pen as I thought of what to write.

An evil grin spread across my lips as I began to write. I stuck the card in the envelope, licked it shut, and headed out, digging the key to Erin’s house out of my key ring, and quietly unlocked the front door. I wanted to try and surprise her, and hoped I wouldn’t scare the crap out of her in the process.

I closed the front door behind me, listening to try and figure out where Erin was, and what she was doing. I could hear the television in her bedroom, and could almost see her there, sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard, reading glasses on, and a book in her hands. The TV would be unwatched, turned on merely for noise in the background.

I made my way up the stairs, gifts in hand. Stopping in the hallway, I peeked around the open bedroom door. Yup, she was so predictable. I could even see the book title from where I stood. I hadn’t realized she read Danielle Steele, but each to her own.

If I wanted to I could probably just walk right over to the bed. When Erin read, she was gone from this world. I decided instead to take the Rambo approach. I jumped in the doorway with a loud cry, and lunged at the bed. I grinned at Erin’s scream as I landed on top of her.

"Goddamn it, Andi! You sacred the living shit out of me!" She began to beat on my butt as I laughed.

"Well, good. I wouldn’t want you to have any dead shit in there."

"Yeah, funny. Why’d you do that?" I pushed myself up onto my arms and looked into her face. I shrugged.

"I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you certainly did that." She grinned, bringing her hands up, running her fingers through my hair.

"Here." I showed her the flowers, and handed her the card. "Surprise."

"Oh, Andi." Erin’s face fell, her large brown eyes turning into the epitome of the puppy dog look. That always made me melt. She quickly ripped into the card, chuckling at the picture on the front, and then opening it to read what I had written. She looked at me over the top of it, an eyebrow raised. "You want to do that, huh?" She lowered the card, leaning forward so she was mere inches from me. "Thank you, baby. And I agree." She placed her hands on either side of my face, and leaned in. "I say we try that. What about you?" My eyes wandered down Erin’s face, resting on her lips.

"I’m game."

* * *

I slammed my Jeep’s door closed, tugging the strap of my bag higher onto my shoulder. I had just left the Clinic, and was now headed into the dojang that I had belonged to for nearly a decade. Sabum Nim Kyung had decided to retire, and so I had left. This dojang was much closer to my house, anyway. It would have been crazy to drive two towns over for practice every Saturday. And, it was only about fifteen minutes away from Mayo.

It was Wednesday night, and my Sabum Nim now had asked me to take over his class as he was at a championship. I taught the Saturday morning class, but figured tonight would be fun. I needed a break in my week. We had another serious case checked into the hospital yesterday afternoon. A young woman, reminding me a lot of Hannah Blackwell. Unfortunately, for some reason, we were finding that women who spent their younger years in a climate like ours, cold and harsh, were more susceptible to MS. It was a startling find, and certainly didn’t hold much hope for our people here.

Hannah Blackwell was twenty-seven, younger than me, and got worse day by day. She had been diagnosed at age twenty-two, and had done well for about three to four years, then it had hit like an explosion. She could no longer walk now, and most days some part of her body was paralyzed all together.

Since I had begun to visit her on a regular basis, I was becoming more aware of what an actual patient went through, and not just a textbook or test tube. It was making my work that much more important to me, seeing what effect it had on real people who suffered daily.

I unlocked the door to the building, flipping on lights as I went. I always tried to get to class anywhere from an hour to a half hour before the students arrived.

Dropping my bag on the desk in the office, I dug out my dobok and ti, headed to the bathroom to change, though at first I just wore the pants and a tank. I preferred to do my warm-ups as comfortable as possible. Back in the office, I closed my eyes, raising my arms up above my head, breathing in deep, feeling my body come to order, my focus shining in on itself as I closed the outside world out.

Slowly I made my way to my knees, raising my face to the ceiling, taking slow, healthy deep breaths, filling my lungs, then slowly emptying them. Over and over I did this, finally getting deeper into the meditation as I sat down fully. I could feel every muscle in my body ready itself, every sense becoming sharper and sharper until they could cut like a knife.

I had kept up with my yoga all these years, too. Sometimes that was the only thing that would relax me after an eighteen hour day in the lab, bent over a microscope or slides all day. In fact, I still had more work to do once I got home. I had a laptop that was connected to our computers at work, and helped me keep an eye on levels and results.

I blew out one last breath, my eyes slowly opening. It was always so strange after I finished; I was always so disoriented and almost confused. I looked around, seeing the office furniture, the ancient computer that Sabum Nim Sasung used to keep track of his students and payment, and of course, a giant poster of our fearless leader when we was younger, looking remarkably like Bruce Lee.

With one final breath, I stood, and headed out to the main part of the studio. Now for my warm-up. I headed to the far wall where a bar was mounted, and began to stretch. I smiled as I remembered one time I had come to class without stretching, just coming from an early morning meeting at work, and didn’t have time. I figured I’d be fine. What was one time?

I couldn’t walk for a week.

Did I ever learn a valuable lesson. Stretching my legs as far as they could go. Slowly going down into the splits, my hands resting neatly on my thighs, I bounced a couple times, then brought myself back up, startled by the feel of fingers on my shoulder.

My immediate response and instinct was to swing. I did, and to my surprise, my strike was stopped and countered. I turned, even more surprised to see Haley standing there, a smug look on her face. My eyes traveled down to see she wore a dobok, a black belt holding it together.

"Nice block."

"Thanks. Nice try." I smiled.

"When are you going to learn not to sneak up on a warrior?" She cocked her head to the side.

"Twelve years?"

"What are you doing here?" I continued to stretch, and Haley began to join me.

"I’m here for class. I come every Wednesday night. What are you doing here?"

"I’m playing teacher tonight."

"Ah, so you’re who Sabum Nim got, huh?" I nodded. "I thought you went to a dojang in Winston?"

"I did, for many years. Sabum Nim retired, and I was here in Rochester, so this seemed the practical thing to do. I notice you’ve been at this for some time." I had seen the three gold bars on her ti. She nodded, smiling proudly.

"Yup. Someone got me hooked when I was still in high school." I grinned.

"Imagine that."

"When I found out there was a dojang not far from campus in L.A., I started up." I stopped stretching, and turned to her, touched.

"That’s wonderful, Haley. I’m so glad you stuck with it. And just maybe someday you’ll be as good as I am." She looked at me, incredulous. I grinned at her, evil and sly.

"You want a piece of me, Littman?"

"You’re on, Corregan."

Let the sparring begin!

We moved out to the middle of the mats, both keeping a wary eye on the other, waiting for her to make the next move. I sensed the punch coming before I saw it, and turned, effectively blocking with my leg, then trying to knock her down. She saw it coming, and jumped back. We circled each other, neither daring to take their eyes off for even a second. Solid blow to my side, which I reimbursed with a flip. Haley didn’t stay on the mat for long. She jumped up and away.

She may have had height on me, but I was quick, and had twenty-three years of experience. Though I had to admit, she had been taught well, and her concentration and focus was wonderful. She must be a true joy to have in class.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard the door to the building open as the students began to trickle in, murmurs of excitement as they watched their Sabum Nim, and Sunbae Nim fight. Soon I realized we had a complete circle around us. This, of course, egged us on even more.

We fought hard, both of us sweaty and charged with energy and waiting for the kill.

Finally I saw my opportunity, and knowing we had to bring this to an end, I swept Haley off her feet, pinning her with my elbow to her sternum. The class around us cheered, and I smiled down at her. She smiled back.

"Nice," she said.

"Thanks." Her dark bangs were stuck to her forehead, and I could feel my entire head crawling with little beads of sweat. I stood, helping Haley to her feet. "Let’s hear it for Sunbae Nim, Haley." I lifted her arm, turning her in a circle as she was cheered on. I looked at her, she was smiling at me.

"I want a rematch, Littman."

"You got it."

* * *

I made my way to room 301 for the second time this week. When I had been in Monday, Hannah Blackwell had looked great. She’d been up and around, her color had looked good, and she had been very talkative.

Hannah had agreed to be a test subject for me, trying our latest theories, and lots of them had worked nicely thus far, though it was pretty soon to really gauge.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Littman." Nurse Wilson said from the nurse’s station. I smiled.

"How are you today?" I stopped for a moment, my arm resting along the high counter top. The woman with the smoothest dark skin I had ever seen, nodded her head.

"Can’t really complain. Well, I could, but what good would that do?" We both chuckled.

"How’s Hannah doing today?" she shook her head, clicking her tongue.

"Not well, doctor. You’d best get in there."

With a heavy sigh, and even heavier heart, I headed to her room. Hannah lay in her bed, her wheelchair by the bed, and a woman sitting next to the sleeping younger woman. Her head was bent over, and I could hear the soft sobs.

About to turn around, not wanting to interrupt or intrude upon such a personal moment, I headed for the door.

"Excuse me?" I stopped, slowly turning to face the woman, her eyes swollen and red, black streaks from make-up watery from tears running down her cheeks. She quickly grabbed a tissue, and began to wipe her face.

‘Yes, ma’am?"

"Are you a doctor here?"

"Well, I’m not Hannah’s doctor. I’m Dr. Littman." The woman smiled, taking a step closer to me.

"Hannah’s talked about you. I’m Joan, Hannah’s mother."

"It’s nice to meet you, Joan. How is she doing today?"

"Not good." She turned and looked down at her daughter. I could see the anguish in her face, and the desperation in her eyes as she turned back to me. "Is there anything to be done, Dr. Littman? Haven’t you guys come up with something in your lab? Anything?"

"Well, unfortunately science can only work so fast, and humans work even slower. Someday I believe there will be a cure for this, but right now isn’t that day. Hannah has done well, though."

"That’s what her doctor’s say. She’s my only baby, so young." She ran a trembling hand over her daughter’s face, then sat down again.

"I’m so sorry," was all I could say, feeling my own throat tighten for how this woman must feel. "I have to get going. I only came by to say hello."

"Thank you, Dr. Littman. I know that your visits have meant a lot to Hannah." I looked at her, stunned. I had no idea.

"Well, I’m glad, then. I’ll certainly keep coming by." I smiled, then turned and left the room.

As I made my way downstairs to the lunchroom, I thought about that poor girl laying in the bed, today her body useless to her. She was experiencing nearly complete paralysis. It may go away by tomorrow, or may stick around for a week. One never knew with this.

I sighed, and pushed the button on the elevator. How on earth did medical doctors deal with this? How did they separate themselves from the patients they tried to help? What about those who just couldn’t be helped?

I know Hannah’s doctor, and knew she had the best the hospital had to offer. But chances were good that there wasn’t much hope for her.

Knowing that Erin wouldn’t be able to come to lunch today, as she was entirely too busy to leave, I sat at a table by myself, not hungry, but needing some time away from the lab. If even fifteen minutes. I ran my hands through my hair, and sighed.

"Hey there. Looks like your dog just died." I looked up to see Haley staring down at me, her lunch in her hand. I smiled.

"Hey, yourself."

"May I sit?" I nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I was just up to see Hannah Blackwell. God, it’s so sad to see that poor girl withering away like that."

"I know." Haley sat down, getting herself organized with her bowl of barley soup, and an array of different kinds of crackers. "I was up there this morning. She couldn’t even move." I nodded.

"Her mom is up there now. She’s really torn up about this."

"I can understand that." She smiled, but it was so sad. I thought of her father. What was she going through with this? What about her mom, who was there with him all the time?

"Your mom must be one strong woman, Haley." She looked at me for a moment, then began to crush crackers into the soup.

"She is. They put dad on a new medicine yesterday."

"What is it?"

"Avanex."

"That’s a good one. I hope his body will respond well to it."

"Yeah, me, too." She looked at me for a moment, taking a bite of the soup that smelled really, really good. "So tell me about yourself, Andi. Are you married? In a relationship?"

"I’m in a relationship. What about you? Married?" I had been so curious about this question, wondering what Haley had done with her personal life. She nodded.

"I was. For two years." I was surprised, but not that much.

"When did it end?"

"Oh, jeez, five years ago, I guess? Wow, time goes by fast. We were both still in school. Both were far too young."

"What was his name?"

"Lonnie."

"Wow. I’m trying to picture you heading down that aisle." I smiled, resting my cheek against my fist.

"Well, I never did." She grinned. "We didn’t have a whole lot of money, and certainly no time, my folks and Holden flew out, and we did a little Justice of the Peace thing. Then our folks threw us a huge reception. It was nice."

"Did you like being married?" she shrugged.

"It was okay, I guess. I think it would have helped if we had gotten married for the right reasons. Getting married to help pay the rent, and to not have to worry about dating while in school are not those reasons." She smiled, so did I.

"Well, you sound okay with it."

"Oh, yeah. I’m fine. We still talk on occasion. He’s way over in Alaska now. He’s the one and only doctor in some tiny little town."

"That’s great."

"Dr. Littman, you have a call on 407. Dr. Littman, call on 407." I sighed, stood.

"Well, I better get. Catch you later?" Haley smiled up at me.

"Bet on it."

Part 11

"Dr. Littman, you have a call on 407. Dr. Littman, call on 407." I sighed, stood.

"Well, I better get. Catch you later?" Haley smiled up at me.

"Bet on it."

I hurried to the small room off the cafeteria where phones were lined up for staff and patient’s families. I picked one up, dialed the number, and sat down on one of the arm chairs that were set around the room, along with a coffee pot, soda machine and microwave.

"This is Dr. Littman."

"Doctor, this is Nurse Wilson upstairs. You need to get your butt up here, now." I could hear the worry in the nurse’s voice, which sent a chill down my spine. She was always so calm and collected, and I had a feeling I knew what was going on.

"I’m on my way."

I nearly ran to the elevator, then decided I’d take the stairs instead. My footsteps echoed throughout the stairwell, my hand sliding along the railings as I took two stairs at a time.

On the ward, I quickly made my way toward room 301. I felt a lump in my throat when I saw Hannah’s mom out in the hall, crying. I looked into the room to see doctors working quickly on the young woman, and a priest against the wall, muttering to himself.

I turned to Hannah’s mother. She looked up, saw me, and grabbed me in a hug.

"What’s happened?" I asked.

"She stopped breathing," she sobbed. I listened to the doctors in the room, trying to figure out what they were doing, and Hannah’s progress. The sound of the heart machine’s solid noise sent fear through me. Then, almost like a second chance, the noise broke, and the heart machine began to beep.

I sighed, pulling away.

"Hang on a sec." I headed into the room to see what was going. The doctors were beginning to clear out, and Hannah’s eyes were open. She looked at me, the oxygen mask still over her mouth and nose. With a sigh of relief, I headed back out into the hall. "She’s okay."

"Oh, god." Her mother grabbed me in another bone-crushing hug, sobbing even harder. The priest walked out, stood next to us. Hannah’s mom turned to him. "Thank you, Father Gray. Thank you so much for coming." The elderly man smiled at her, taking her hands in his.

"She’ll be fine now. But I’ll always be here for you, okay?" She nodded. "Bless you, child. And bless Hannah." With a smile at us both, he walked away.

"I need to make some phone calls. Thank you, Dr. Littman." She hugged me one last time, then headed toward the phones.

I took a deep breath, and headed back into room 301. Sitting in the chair next to the bed, I looked at Hannah. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at me, reaching a hand out. I looked at it for a moment, then took it in mine. It was cold and clammy, but the feeling of her squeezing my fingers was the greatest feeling in the world.

"You really gave us a scare, Hannah," I said, my voice quiet, hushed. She smiled weakly.

"Sorry," she said, barely audible, but I heard it. I smiled.

"No need to be sorry. We’re just glad." She stared at me for a moment, then reached up, slowly pulling her oxygen mask down.

"Dr. Littman?"

"Yes?"

"What’s your name? Your first name." I felt a lump in my throat for a moment, and for a moment more I thought I would cry. Swallowing it all back, I answered.

"Andi." She smiled.

"That’s my husband’s name, Andrew."

"Well, then he’s got a good name." She smiled, nodding.

"He’s a good guy. We have a four year old."

"What’s the name?" I began to rub slow, gentle circles on the back of her hand.

"Savannah." She began to cough, I put her mask back into place.

"That’s a beautiful name, Hannah."

"What the hell’s going on with my wife?" I turned to see a man enter the room followed by Hannah’s doctor. I quickly stood, allowing him room. "Baby," he grabbed her in a hug, being so gentle with her, brushing the sweat-soaked hair back from her forehead, looking at her with such undying love.

I backed up toward the door, feeling like I was intruding on something very special, and very private. It also made me feel sad, and I knew what I had to do tonight.

* * *

I stared at the phone, arms crossed over my chest. I had been home for exactly fifteen minutes, and had tried to muster up the decision, or better yet, courage, to pick it up. Finally, with a sigh, I did, and began to dial.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Erin."

"Hey, you." I could hear the smile in her voice. I closed my eyes.

"Hey. Are you busy?"

"No. Why?" I twirled the phone cord around my fingers, my palms starting to sweat.

"Mind if I come over? We need to talk." She was silent for a moment, I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head, feel the fear creeping up her spine. I’m sure it matched mine.

"Uh, sure. Should I put some dinner on?"

"No, I’m not hungry. I’ll be there in a few." I hung up the phone, taking several deep breaths. I changed into a pair of jeans and tank, and headed out.

I sat in the Jeep for a minute, staring at Erin’s house, knowing she was probably wondering what on earth was going on. Finally gathering my courage, I got out, and headed for the door. I rang the doorbell, and within a few seconds, Erin answered.

"Why are you ringing the bell?" I shrugged, smiled. She lead me to the kitchen where I could smell coffee brewing. "So, what up?" She kept her back to me, which told me a lot. I looked down at my feet, hands on my hips.

"Hannah almost died today." I began, my voice low, trying to keep it steady. Erin turned to look over her shoulder, her eyes filled with concern.

"Oh, Andi. I’m sorry." I nodded, chewing on my lower lip.

"Her husband came in, and he was so loving toward her, it was amazing. The way he was there," I snapped my fingers. "Just like that." I looked up at her. "Erin, I can’t be that way." She sighed, running her hands through her hair.

"Not again."

"Erin, I have been so selfish to you over these last three years, and it’s not fair."

"Andi,"

"No, let me finish. I’m going to do the most unselfish thing that I can for you." I looked at her, feeling my blood pounding in my head, my voice shaking. "I’m going to let you go. You need to find someone who can give you what you need, what you want." Erin’s face began to distort, her eyes filling.

"Don’t do this, Andi. Isn’t it for me to say what I do and do not want?" I shook my head.

"Not this time, Erin. I don’t deserve you." I felt my own eyes begin to fill, thinking of not having her in my life after three years. I would miss her. But, I knew this was for the best. She turned away and walked over to the coffee pot, staring down at it. I took a deep breath, and swallowed. "You know, my dad left the family when I was just a kid. Before that, he and my mom used to fight all the time, nonstop, and even when they weren’t fighting, my dad wasn’t really there." I ran a hand through my hair. "From the young age, I learned that relationships aren’t perhaps all that their cracked up to be."

"So?" She turned and looked at me, her face a picture of stone, hard and angry.

"So, I can’t shove my issues off on you."

"You’re scared, Andi. You know, when I look inside you, I see all that you have to give, all that you give to your work, your martial arts. I tried to be the key for you, but I failed." I shook my head.

"You didn’t fail, Erin. You can’t get blood from a rock. I don’t have it in me." I pounded on my own chest to emphasize my point. "God, you’re such a wonderful woman; beautiful, smart, giving. I can’t continue to take what I can’t give back. It’s not right."

I stopped, not sure what else to say, what else there was I could say. I waited for her response.

"Three years," she whispered. "Three years, and you’re ready to give it away on a whim. How dare you think that what you’re doing is best for me. You don’t know me. Get out." Tears began to stream down her face, and I could feel my own stinging my eyes.

"This is for the best." I whispered. She turned from me, snorting.

"It’s good for you, you mean." I sighed, knowing there wasn’t anything more I could say. I grabbed my car keys where I’d left them on the table, picking through them until I found the key to Erin’s house. Slowly, I slid it off, my hands shaking all the while, and lay it on the wood surface.

I turned back to her, watching her, her face buried in her hands. Her shoulders shook as she took a step back until she was against the wall, sliding down. I took a step, my conscience warring between wanting to help her and knowing that I couldn’t.

"I told you to get out," she seethed. "I don’t want your comfort. You did this. You were too afraid of feeling, of letting someone in, that you’re running away. Well, you’re very good at that. So run. Run away, so you don’t have to feel any more. Bury yourself in your research, like I know you will. Block the world out. But one day it’s going to seep in and you’re going to have no clue what to do."

I waited to see if she had any more to say, partly wondering if I should reply, but feeling like I deserved every blow she landed.

"Goodbye, Erin." I glanced back at her once, looking at her form slumped against the wall through the tears in my own eyes. With a sigh, I walked out.

I barely remember the drive back home, most of it spent crying, I’m sure. I knew Erin would be angry and hurt, and she had every right to be. But I knew deep down, this was the best thing to do. I couldn’t go on hurting her.

I wiped my eyes with my hand, then my nose. It was over.

My house was dark, as per usual. I lived away from the city a bit, the closest house being about a half mile away. Behind my house was a bike path and a stream, though I had never used it.

I flipped on the light, and walked over to the couch, flopping down. I looked around, a single light on over the fireplace, hardwood floors reflecting it, then fading into shadow.

I sighed, tying to decide what to do, then suddenly felt my chest expand. My hands came up to my face, and my shoulder began to heave with my sobs. Three years, down the drain, and I knew I had hurt Erin bad. That had never been my intent, yet it had happened anyway, and only I was to blame.

* * *

"Ha!" I did a round house, catching my bag squarely in the center. "X" marks the spot. Flipping backwards, I came at it again, front kick, moving to a back kick. "Fuck!" I missed the bag, and fell to the floor, out of breath, sweaty and stunned. I hadn’t fallen in a workout since I was a kid. "Damn." My concentration was shot.

Picking myself up, I headed to the kitchen for some water, catching the phone out of the corner of my eye as I drank. I wanted to call my mom, needed to talk to her, needed to be comforted as I couldn’t comfort Erin.

I put the empty glass in the sink, and grabbed the phone, dialing those seven numbers that I’d known my whole life. My eyes closed in disappointment as the busy signal blared in my ear. Hanging the handset up, I headed into the bedroom. Maybe I could sleep it off.

Stripping, I threw the covers to the end of the bed, hot and sweaty from my workout. I lay down, staring up at the ceiling, the headlights from a passing car displacing shadows across it, then disappearing all together. I closed my eyes, praying for sleep to take me over.

Dreams plagued me, images of pain and sadness until finally I woke, a scream caught in my throat, my heart racing, breathing out of control. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly two in the morning. Knowing that falling back asleep was out of the question, I rubbed my eyes, and got up to take a shower. I needed to work.

* * *

I stared at the numbers, brows drawn as I turned the dial, trying to get everything to match up. About ready to growl in frustration, I stood, running an impatient hand through my hair.

"Hey, Dr. Littman." I turned to see Samantha Torres enter the lab, her jacket still on from the early morning chill. She drew her brows. "Why are you here so early again? This is the fourth morning in a row I’ve shown up, and you’re already here. I know for fact that you stay later than I do." She took her coat off, hanging it and her purse on the coat tree.

"There’s work to be done," I answered simply. I didn’t think it would be good to tell her that I’d been here since four this morning after only three-and-a-half hours at home, part of that asleep.

I made a decision, one that was long coming. If work was the only thing I could care about, my research, trying to find something to help Hannah, and people like her, I’d do it. I could be married to my job, and happily so.

"You need to get that microscope up and running, Dr. Torres. We’re running out of time." She stared at me for a moment before walking over and flipping on the switch. I rubbed my eyes, trying to fight the burning. I knew they were red from lack of sleep and proper eating, but I didn’t care.

I walked to my office, and filled my travel mug with coffee, made strong.

"When did you start drinking that?" I turned to see Samantha standing in the doorway. I shrugged.

"Always."

"Six years working with you, and that’s new to me."

"I need the caffeine." She looked at me, her dark eyes unreadable. She nodded and turned, walking away. I drank the coffee as fast as the hot liquid would allow, sitting behind my desk. I’d be going up to see Hannah soon. Haley and I had discussed her condition yesterday, her saying that Hannah’s mental state was actually holding up remarkably well. She had a positive attitude, even as her body continued to deteriorate further.

I closed my eyes, only for a moment, trying to make them stop burning. I had a bottle of Visine in the pocket of my lab coat, but it didn’t do much good anymore. I opened my mouth to let the seemingly endless yawns escape. Turning to the small fridge in the corner, I grabbed a can of Jolt, popped the top, and took a huge swig.

Like magic, I felt a huge burst of energy flow through me, making me literally get the shivers. "Whoa, yeah! Work to be done." I drank the rest of the pure caffeine down, crushing the can in my hand, tossing it into the trash where it clanked against its other five siblings. Standing, I headed into the lab, humming to myself. I could feel eyes on me, and I didn’t care. "La la la la," I sang, doing a little twirl on my way to my station. Yeah, I could do this.

* * *

I saw the light turn red, isn’t it? I shook my head, trying to clear it as I rubbed my eyes. I was so tired, only stopping by the house for a change of clothes, and dinner. I hated being in that place, lately. It felt so empty, and I felt alone.

Pushing on the gas, I began to accelerate, trying to beat the light before it turned yellow.

Out of the distance somewhere I heard a horn, loud and blaring. I shook my head again, looking to my left.

"Fuck!" Pushing the breaks as far down to the floor as I could, the Jeep came to a screeching stop, and the semi whizzed by, not a foot from my front bumper. I felt like I’d have a heart attack right there, my hand on my chest as I attempted to calm it. I looked to my right, seeing the tail lights of the rig disappear into the early morning darkness. What am I doing?

Taking a series of deep breaths, I put the car in gear, and headed to the Mayo.

To my surprise, Samantha was already in the lab, sitting on a stool with her arms crossed over her chest. "Hey, Dr. Littman." I looked at her.

"Hi."

"We need to talk." She stood, walked over to me, looking into my face. She drew her brows. "God, you look like shit. What are you doing to yourself? Trying to work yourself to death?" I just stared at her. "You’re here working twenty-hour days, I don’t imagine you’re sleeping anymore than a few hours a night. You’re not eating." She shook her head, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Look, Andi, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to go home. I’ve already talked with Dr. Zimmer, and he ordered you to leave, and take the week off."

"You went over my head? Talking to my supervisor?" I felt anger running through me.

"Yes, I did. I’m sorry to do that, but you are of no use to the lab here, like you are. I’ve caught you falling asleep in your office, you messed up numbers yesterday, you need to go home, get some sleep, and rest."

The anger drained out of me as the exhaustion took over. I nodded, taking a deep breath. Dr. Torres patted my arm.

"Go home, Andi. We’ll see you next week."

* * *

My eyes opened, followed by a yawn. Glancing at the clock, I saw that I had been asleep for nearly the entire day. I had gone to sleep at three past five this morning, and it was now four-thirteen.

I sat up in bed, raising my arms toward the ceiling and stretched; the best feeling I’d had in days. I got out of bed, and headed toward the bathroom, glancing out into the living room. I stopped. I brought my hand up, stroking my chin with my finger, then hurried back to the bedroom to dress. It was almost five, and I figured that’s when they closed.

* * *

"As you can see, we have a lot to choose from. This little guy was brought in yesterday."

I knelt down, looking into that cute little face, tail wagging a million miles an hour. "How old is he?"

"We think he’s about two years old."

"Oh." I stood. "I’d really prefer a puppy." I moved on, feeling so bad, wishing I could take all these guys home. I looked into each small pen, smiling at the barking or yelping dogs. I had had a puppy when I was really little, but my father had taken it with him when he’d left the family. This would certainly be an adventure for me.

Behind me I heard a sharp yelp, and near constant panting. I turned, and knelt down, grabbing onto the chain link of the door with my fingers. The small, black and gray Pug stared at me, large, bulging eyes, tongue hanging out of its mouth. It cocked its head to the side, whining. I smiled, unable to help it.

"That one."

The drive home was a loud one; the new four-month-old Pug I’d just bought from the Humane Society was whining in the little dog kennel I’d bought from the place, filled with all the new toys I’d bought for him. Next to the kennel sat a bag of IAMS for puppies, and a bag of bones.

The entire drive, I tried to think of a name for my new little buddy. I felt excited, almost giddy, and certainly as though I was playing hooky from work. Never, in all my working life, had I missed a single day of work. Well, one, but there was no other way. Even still, that was over ten years ago. I thought of that day every year.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I stopped at a red traffic light, looking down at my puppy.

"What do I call you, little man?" I reached my fingers into the cage, smiling as he sniffed them, then licked them, then whimpered. "Soon, little guy, you’ll be home." Another whine.

I pulled into the long driveway that would lead to my home, parking out front in the circular drive. I grabbed the kennel in one hand, threw the bag of dog food over my shoulder, and headed into the house, setting it all down in the middle of the living room, opening the cage door, and sitting cross-legged on the floor.

The puppy took one step outside of it and sat on his haunches, looking at me. He cocked his little head to the side again, whining. I sighed, realization of what I had just done coming into view.

"What am I going to do with you, Bunsen?" My brows drew. Bunsen? Hey, worked for me. I smiled, still staring at him. He whined again, standing, then sitting, then standing again, taking a tentative step, sniffing as he did, his little curled tail wagging slowly, almost unsure if it should. He walked over to the bag of puppy food, sniffing, licking the bag. I watched, amused, and charmed. Sniffing the air, he turned and looked at me, his big eyes seemingly filled with questions and confusion.

I scratched my nails on the wood floor.

"Come here, Bunsen." Making kissing sounds with my mouth, I slapped my leg. He looked at me for a moment, then almost hopped in his haste to get over to me, his small paws slipping and sliding on the smooth floor. Finally he made it to my lap, trying to jump up at me, licking whatever he could get into contact with.

Yeah, little buddy; we’d have some fun.

* * *

"Okay, Bunsen. You may have kept me awake last night, but today I’m going to run your little butt off until you can barely stand. You got me?" He looked up at me, licking his chops, and whined. He was so little, so far down there.

I held onto the navy blue leash I’d bought that matched his collar. I stared at the bike trail that was before us, and with a sigh, began to walk. The puppy kept up with my slow pace, looking all around his new surroundings. Luckily he was a curious little fellow, so he didn’t try and fight me.

As we went, I looked around, too. It was mid-June, and the day was beautiful. I wore a pair of cargo shorts, tank and sneakers. It was a great day to walk. As we did, I began to notice things I’d never really given much thought to, before. The trees that lined our walkway were beautiful, luscious and green. Some actually bore fruit. As I looked further, and actually listened to all that was around me, I heard the songs of birds in those trees, calling out warnings to one another as we walked on. Bunsen looked up at them, his little head cocked to the side as he tried to figure out what the heck he was hearing.

I couldn’t stop the smile that came to my lips. It was a brand new day, and I began to think about my life, and where it had gone. I felt good now about what I had done with Erin. She was free now, and in my own way, so was I. I looked down at my new friend, who already, had added so much … activity … to my life. He gave me his undivided attention, something I never thought I’d want.

Hannah came to mind, too. All this, she may never see again. I thought of autumn here in Minnesota, and how beautiful these trees would be in just a matter of months, now. And how I had let so much time pass by, living in this house, never noticing it.

The path began to wind, and as we followed it, I realized we were coming upon a park where people were laughing, children were playing. I had no idea it was here. How sad.

"Yap, yap, yap!" I looked down when I felt the tension on the leash, and heard Bunsen’s little, high-pitched bark. Smiling again, I saw a squirrel sitting on its haunches, nibbling on what looked to be a bit of bread, staring at my dog. "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Yip, yip!" Bunsen was jumping around, making a fuss, trying his hardest to get to that little park dweller.

"Bunsen, stop it."

"Yip, yip!"

"No!" He whined, looking up at me, then back at the squirrel, quietly growling in the back of his throat. Then the little animal scurried up a tree. As I followed his progress, my eyes found the blue sky, not a cloud in sight. "Wow," I whispered, amazed at the color; so bright, brilliant.

Where had I been?

* * *

"Okay, big guy. I will be right back. Okay?" I held the Pug up to my face, staring into his dark brown eyes. He stared at me, licking his nose. "Okay?" With a small kiss to his wrinkled forehead, I put him back down on the passenger seat of the Jeep, and closed the door, walking quickly up to the hospital.

"Hey, now, aren’t you supposed to be off this week?" I turned to see Nurse Wilson looking at me, an eyebrow raised, fist on her ample hip. I nodded, grinning sheepishly.

"I just came to visit a patient." She smiled at me.

"And that patient will be glad to see you, too." I hurried on down the hall, excited as I neared room 301.

"Andi!" Hannah smiled when she saw me, and so did I. She was sitting up in bed, her hair freshly washed, her skin clean and bright. She looked good.

"Hey there. I’ve got a little surprise for you." Blue eyes lit up.

"You do, huh?" I nodded.

"Yup. Come on, help me get you into your wheelchair." Happily she scooted to the edge of the bed, her thin, pale legs hanging over the side. I wheeled the chair around, patting the back of it. "Do you need help?"

"Nope. I’m feeling good today."

"Well, good." She got herself into the chair, and I put a blanket over her legs.

"And just where do you think you’re going with that patient?" I looked over to the nurse’s station and Nurse Wilson who was staring at us.

"I’ll bring her right back. I promise." She smiled and winked at me, turning back to her computer. "So how have you been, Hannah?" I asked, pushing her toward the elevator.

"Not bad. I had quite a bit of pain a couple days ago. But other than that, I can’t complain too much."

"Good to hear. How has the new medicine been working out?"

"Great!" I looked down at her to see that she was smiling up at me. "I didn’t have any paralysis this week at all."

"Stupendous." The elevator doors opened, and I wheeled her in, pushing the button for the ground floor.

"Where are we going, by the way?"

"You’ll see."

I parked Hannah’s chair near the exit, and hurried out to the parking lot to grab my surprise. He whined and wiggled, but I managed to get back to Hannah, and placed him on her lap.

Hannah sucked in a breath. "A puppy!" I stood aside, watching as she began to pet the dog between the ears, nuzzling him to her chin. "What’s his name?" she asked, smiling up at me, pure, absolute delight in her eyes.

"Hannah, this is Bunsen. Bunsen, meet Hannah."

"Hello, little Bunsen. You are adorable, aren’t you?" The Pug began to yelp, jumping on her lap, doing his best to lick her face as she giggled, trying to avoid the tongue attacks, which made Bunsen try to lick her all the more. "You little nut." She grabbed him under his ribs, turning him over so he laid on her lap on his back, all four legs in the air kicking as he tried to chew on her fingers.

I watched them, a constant smile on my face as Hannah smiled, laughed, played, just like she was a little kid again. Bunsen ate it up, snorting and whining, wanting more and more attention from his new playmate.

Hannah looked up at me, her eyes shining.

"Thank you, Andi. This was wonderful."

"Anytime, Hannah."

I drove home with a good feeling inside, seeing Hannah so happy. I hadn’t seen her smile in so long. She had been so sick lately, really worrying all of us who cared about her. I knew her time was limited, but maybe this would make that time a little longer.

I’d drop by over the weekend for a visit.

* * *

As I walked with Bunsen in the new-found park near our house, the sun high, the kids laughter caught on the breeze, I thought of Winston, my family, and the years I had spent there. My first thoughts had been to leave, to get out, to escape. Why? I certainly hadn’t gotten far. I chuckled at my own thoughts. If I knew then what I knew now, that I’d live not two hours away from my childhood home, the younger me would freak.

Then I thought about the time I’d spent with Haley. Lost time to me, lost memories that I wanted to get back. I felt as though we could easily get that friendship back, that easy laughter and banter that had made my junior year in high school bearable.

She and I had been good friends, I knew that. I couldn’t believe she had taken to the Tae Kwon Do. Part of me felt guilty for not continuing with the piano. It hadn’t been for lack of want, hell, I still wanted to learn more. I tinkered on my own piano now and then. It had been fun and gratifying to know that I could produce something so beautiful with my own two hands. I had only really learned how to play that one song Haley had taught me.

I smiled, finding a park bench, and sitting down, letting Bunsen do his business on the grass.

I still knew that song, and still played it. I had gotten quite good at playing it, in fact. When it’s all you know, well, you know what they say — play what you know.

With a sigh, I glanced over at the small playground. Placed in the middle of it was a sandpit, every kid’s paradise. I remember Chris and I playing in the sandbox we used to have in the backyard.

Why had Haley and my friendship grown so far apart? I guess it was simply because of our age, and where we were in our lives. She left after graduation, and I still had a year left in Winston.

Mom always told me that if I had one true friend in life I was lucky. Tracy and I had lost contact years ago, and I didn’t talk much to my old college buddies, nor old girlfriends. Was Erin right? Would I end up alone? Only my work to comfort me? Did I want that, and could it be helped? I knew that she and I weren’t meant to be, regardless of what happened. But, where did I go wrong in my life to be so isolated? Why did I walk through my days feeling invisible?

With a sigh, I looked down at my dog who sat on his haunches, the leash hanging limp from his collar.

"You ready to go meet grandma, Bunsen?" His little head cocked to the side, his eyes almost disappearing in the blackness of his face. He whined. "Come on, big guy." I gathered him up in my arms, and we headed back home to get the car.

* * *

I closed the door of the Jeep, Bunsen walking ahead of me on his leash, headed to the front door. I had called ahead of time to see if mom was home, and I’d managed to catch her not long after getting home from work.

"Okay, big guy. You ready?" I picked the Pug up, and looked him in his bulging eyes. "You know, you really are a funny looking little dog." Shaking my head in wonder, I gave him a kiss, and opened the door. I smiled, immediately recognizing the smell of brownies. Niiiiice.

"Honey? Is that you?"

"Yep." I headed toward the kitchen, Bunsen in tow. My mother was standing at the sink doing the few dishes it took to bake my favorite dessert, and I walked up behind her. "Mom, I want you to meet your grandchild." She snickered.

"How many are you going to give me?" She turned around, and her face melted into an "O". "Andrea, you got a puppy!"

"Looks like." I smiled proudly.

"Why didn’t you tell me? When did this happen?"

"About a week ago, and I wanted to surprise you." She reached for him.

"Come here, you cutie. What’s her name?" She cuddled him to her chest, nuzzling his head into her neck.

"He, and it’s Bunsen." She looked at me, rolling her eyes.

"Why aren’t I surprised?" I grinned. "Oh, sweetie. I think it’s wonderful. I hate you living all alone out there."

"Yeah, and just what exactly do you think this little one is going to do? Lick someone to death?"

"Well, you never know." She smiled. "Here, take him. I need to finish these few dishes. I made you brownies."

"Oh, yeah. I’m excited about that. Smelled them as soon as I walked through that door." She smiled at me, bringing a hand up to caress my cheek.

"So what’s the occasion? Why are you here?" She folded the dishrag on the edge of the sink. "Come on, let’s have some iced tea."

"Well, there is no occasion, really. I’m here to see you, and I wanted you to meet this little demon." I shrugged as I rubbed the folds on top of Bunsen’s head. "I’ve been doing some thinking."

"What about?" She grabbed the tea pitcher from the fridge, pouring two tall glasses, squeezing lemon juice into hers. Some things never change.

"I left Erin, mom." She looked at me, stopping everything else she was doing.

"Oh, honey." I looked down at my dog who was beginning to fall asleep in my arms. "When?"

"Almost two weeks ago, now." I felt a warm hand on my arm.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" I looked up and into concerned brown eyes, so much like mine but for the color.

"I tried, actually, the day it happened. But the line was busy, and after that, I guess I just needed to deal with it on my own. I needed to face some things, try and understand some things."

"Come on. Let’s sit." She took both glasses, leading me to the small kitchen table, unchanged from the days when I used to do my homework there. I pulled out a chair, resting the now sleeping Bunsen on my lap, and took the glass of tea, sipping from it. "So?"

"Well, we just want different things. Always have."

"Honey, why are you so against committing to someone? I don’t even mean Erin. Lord knows, I know all about making mistakes. I’m made more than my share with relationships, but it’s not just with her." She looked at me, waiting for an answer I just didn’t have. "Why do you hide from people? I look at you, honey, and I see all the love you have to give." She stared into my eyes. "You’re so beautiful, smart, honest, and one of the most generous souls I’ve ever seen. Only you would lend the money to your brother to help him start that garage. Despite what he’s done to you."

I looked down, uncomfortable with the praise, and the memories of Chris.

"He’ll be thrilled to hear that Erin and I have split. He was always happy to hear that."

"Well, if Chris wants to be a jerk about it, let him." I felt her hand cover mine. "Honey, not everyone can be open-minded. It’s his choice, and he can live with it. You two are all that the other will ever have; long after I’m gone, you guys will still be together. Someday he’ll realize that."

"I hope so. It really hurts sometimes." She nodded, squeezing my fingers before she wrapped her own around her glass.

"I’m sure it does, and I’m sorry."

"You didn’t do it."

"No, but he is my son. And you’re my daughter and I love you both with all my heart." I smiled, needing to hear that.

"I love you, too."

"Try to open your heart, Andrea. No one should be alone."

* * *

I sat on the couch, feet up on the coffee table as I stared into the fire. The warm day had shocked the state with a bitter cold that blew in to cool the night. The fireplace was lit, throwing brightness on my face, and reflecting off the floor, stretching the shadows further into the room. Bunsen laid on the rug in front of the fire, contently chewing on his rope.

I thought about my conversation with my mom, smiling at the feeling of being home again. She had tried to get me to stay overnight, but I didn’t want to encroach on her new family, plus I wanted my own bed.

Chris popped into mind, and I felt an old pain rise again in my chest. He had seemed fine when I told him I was a lesbian. I had been twenty-two, and he twenty. But, when I had brought home my first girlfriend, what was her name? Lisa? Lilly? Anyway, his face had hardened, and he hadn’t said one word to her throughout dinner. But he definitely had words for me later.

He had told me he was ashamed, and thought I was a loser to fall into the college crap, and had said that it was a phase, and I couldn’t get a boyfriend, so I’d turned to women.

Even now it stung. But, it was his choice. What could I do? For now it was time for bed.

"Come on, Bunsen. Let’s go potty." I headed toward the French doors that led to the backyard, the Pug’s sharp claws clicking on the hardwood. I was amazed at how incredibly fast he’d learned to scratch at the back door when he had to go to the bathroom. We’d had some accidents, especially when I kept him closed in the empty third bedroom that I intended to turn into a den, but just hadn’t gotten around to, yet. I would often come home to find a little surprise in the form of a dried stain, or a little pile in the corner.

While Bunsen did his thing, I headed to the bedroom to get changed for bed.

* * *

I turned over, smacking my lips as I readjusted my head on the pillow, a soft smile on my face in my warm comfort.

Ring, ring, ring

One eye popped open, somehow listening.

Ring, ring, ring

With a growl and glance at the clock, I picked up the phone.

"It’s five in the morning. This better be good," I mumbled into the receiver, too tired to care if I was being rude or not.

"Dr. Littman?" My brows drew, my other eye slowly opening to hear my formal title.

"Yes?"

"This is Marcy Wilson, at the hospital." I pushed myself up onto my elbow.

"Nurse Wilson, of course." I was confused now.

"Honey, we lost Hannah. Ten minutes ago. I thought you’d like to know." I sat there, the phone glued to my ear, my eyes staring into space. I had heard what she said, but my mind couldn’t quite let it get past my ears. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Thanks for telling me." Without another word, I set the receiver in its cradle, my hands falling into my lap.

* * *

I stood outside the church, hand clasped in front of my body, waiting for Haley. I had wanted to call her after I’d hung up with Nurse Wilson, but I had no idea how to get a hold of her, knowing she wasn’t at work at that hour in the morning. She had called me within the hour.

"God, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel," she had said, her voice shaking, and on the verge of breaking all together. "Do I stay stoic and professional? Am I allowed to grieve? Teaching a course at a college doesn’t prepare you for this." I had smiled at that, not having any answers for her.

I pushed away from the wall when I saw her walking across the street, parking in the lot over there. She looked beautiful in a black pant suit, cream colored silk blouse beneath. She wore high heels, and sunglasses, her hair down, blowing behind her as she approached.

"Hey," she near whispered as she stepped up in front of me.

"Hi." Many people passed us, the church quickly being filled. Many I recognized from the hospital. "How are you?" Haley shrugged, looking around, then pulling the dark glasses off.

"Okay, I guess. I certainly wish I weren’t here." She looked at me, and looked as though she was about to fall apart. Taking a deep breath, she gave me a weak smile. "Let’s go so we can get a good seat."

I followed her in, signing the guest book. I saw Hannah’s husband standing by the doorway to the sanctuary, a small girl in his arms. She had her face buried in his neck, sucking on her thumb. Andrew Blackwell talked quietly with people as they passed by, shaking hands, accepting hugs from well wishers. I walked up to him.

"Hello," I said, not real sure what to do. He looked at me, his blue eyes red, eyelids drooping. He looked so tired. "I’m not sure if you remember me, but,"

"Of course. You’re Dr. Littman. Hannah talked about you a lot. You brought in the dog." He smiled, I smiled back, nodding.

"I’m so sorry. I really don’t know what to say at this point, you know?" He nodded.

"This is Savannah." The girl looked at me from around her thumb. She looked just like her mom.

"Hi, Savannah." She whimpered, burying her face in further to her father’s neck. I turned back to Andrew. "Take care of yourself." I squeezed his hand, and walked back over to Haley, who waited in the back of the church.

As the service began, I could already hear lots of sniffling throughout, some chuckles as family members recounted some of the things Hannah had done in her life.

I glanced over when I felt a hand on my arm. Haley was squeezing my forearm. I looked up into her face, and could see she was biting her lower lip, trying to keep her emotions in check. I was grateful for Haley’s presence. Trying to be there for her helped me to push aside my own pain and sorrow.

"My wife and I met in junior high." Andrew Blackwell stood at the front of the church behind the podium, his hands resting on either side. He looked down, then over at the white casket that was at the front. "She was truly the love of my life. Hannah was an amazing person, amazing woman, amazing wife and mother." He smiled. "When we heard she was sick several years ago, she just laughed, shrugged her shoulders and said that she could use the vacation when her doctor told her she had to stop working. Then she started to get really sick." He looked down again, tucking in his lips only to release them again. "I love you, honey." He covered his mouth as he hurried away from the podium.

I held my breath for a moment, feeling my throat tighten, my eyes begin to sting with the tears that kept threatening to come. I felt Haley’s body shaking as she cried. I put my arm on the back of the pew, placing my hand on her shoulder, trying to give her any sort of comfort.

The service came to an end, and I quickly stood, needing to get out of here, needing some fresh air. Haley followed as we made our slow way out into the cool air, and I stood by the wall of the building, trying to get myself together.

"Wow." I looked up, saw Haley standing there, looking just like a little kid, so vulnerable. She looked at me, her eyes moist, the tears just waiting to spill over. Finally they did, and she broke down. I suddenly found myself engulfed in a hug, her body pressed to mine as she cried, silent, but constant tears.

I held her, squeezing to let her know I was here. I rested my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes as I held back my tears.

Haley’s body seemed to calm a bit, the tears slowing, then stopping. Neither of us said anything, nor did either of us move away. It just felt good to bask in the warmth and life of another human being.

I was glad Haley was here.

We both slowly pulled away, almost hesitant, not wanting that human contact to go. She looked at me, sniffling.

"Want to get some coffee?" I nodded, rubbing her arm with my hand.

* * *

We sat across from each other at the small coffee shop, but neither had said anything. I think we were both just so caught up in our own memories, thoughts and grief. Finally Haley sighed.

"So, how are you?" I looked at her, my fingers playing with a packet of sugar.

"I’m okay. You?" She nodded, sipping from her cup.

"I’ll be alright. Hannah was just my first real patient, and certainly my first to, well, to die."

"I’m sorry, Haley. That can’t be easy."

"You know as well as I do that it’s not. And not only that, but,"

"It was Hannah." We both smiled, and she nodded.

"Yeah, that, too. She was such a wonderful person. I heard all about what you did, bringing in your dog." She smiled at me, warm and gentle. "That was truly great, Andi. For the rest of the week she did so well. She was happy, her mind was clear, body was doing well. Until, well," She looked down, wrapping her hands tightly around her warm cup.

"I know. I had come in a few times over the week to see her. She was doing so well. I was shocked."

"Me, too." She took a deep breath, then several more before smiling at me. "So, where were you this past week? I looked for you at lunch, but you weren’t there."

"Oh. I was home. I had some things to deal with."

"Is everything okay?" I looked down at my hands, realizing I’d ripped the packet, and sugar had begun to spill out on the table. I smiled.

"Oops." I began to clean it, taking deep breaths. For some reason I was unsure if I should confide in her or not. "I broke up with my girlfriend." I looked up at her to see that her face hadn’t changed.

"I’m sorry, Andi."

"Well, it was time. Three years, and we just weren’t getting anywhere. I had to let her go, and try to figure some things out about myself."

"Was she the one who always sat with you during lunch?" I nodded. "She was very pretty." I smiled.

"Yes, she is. Erin is just in a different place than I am." Haley nodded.

"I understand." She was quiet for a moment, then smiled. "If you need anything, or want to talk, I’m here, okay?" I nodded.

"Thanks, Haley. Listen, I don’t mean to cut this short, but I should get home." She looked at me for a moment, then reached across the table, squeezed my hand, and nodded.

"Sure. See you later, Andi."

"Yeah." I gave her a smile, though it was forced and I’m sure it looked forced. I needed to be alone.

I drove home in silence, turning the radio off, closing all my windows. Just me and the soft hum of the engine. I pulled up into my driveway, unlocked the front door, and walked in.

I could hear Bunsen yelping, hearing my return, and I headed toward the empty spare bedroom. I felt strange, almost like something had been taken away from me. When I opened the door to the bedroom, the Pug came bounding out, and I looked inside, cringing when I saw the little pile waiting for me by the closet. I walked into the room, feeling anger bubble up.

"Why can’t you wait, Bunsen?" I cried, filling my eyes beginning to fill, my chest tightening followed by my throat.

Walking to the center of the room, I looked around. There was so much space, nothing filling it, just a small dog bed and water bowl with a few scattered toys. Before I knew what was happening, I fell to my knees, then sat, hard, my eyes drifting to Bunsen’s mess. He sat near the corner, laying down, looking at me with guilty eyes.

"Why, Bunsen? Why?" My voice cracked, and I tried to swallow it down, but to no avail. He raised his head, cocking it to the side, then slowly, ever so slowly, began to crawl over to me, still on his belly. My head fell as the tears did, too. I didn’t even notice as the Pug climbed into my lap, curling up, but suddenly my hands were resting on a warm body.

My shoulders began to shake with my sobs, heaving as all the emotion that I had held inside for the last two days began to come out in huge waves. The damn broke.

I cried for all the things that Hannah would never be able to do, or see. I cried for her daughter, missing out on a wonderful mother, not there when she had her first day of school, or when she graduated, or got married, or got that first promotion.

I cried for myself, and for all that I would lose out on because my heart had become so buried so many years ago. I, too, would miss out.

Part 12

I stared at her, my cheek resting against my knuckles. She tucked in her lip, let it out, then tucked it in again as her brows drew, dark bangs in her face, sticking her lower lip out as she blew them away.

"You know, Kendall, the piece isn’t going to move on its own." I smiled, eyes drifting down to the backgammon board. "Just remember what I told you; use your role to your best advantage."

Finally, with a sigh, she reached out a small hand, and moved one of the white pieces to land on one of my brown ones that was by itself. She smiled triumphantly as she moved my piece to the center of the board.

She grinned up at me. "I got you."

"That you did, you little turd." She giggled. We both looked up at the sound of a knock on the front door. She looked at me, I looked at her. "Who’s that?" Bunsen, who’d been laying on the floor under the coffee table where we were playing, stood, began to bark.

"I don’t know." I stood, but Kendall beat me to it.

"Can I answer it, Andi?"

"Go for it." I sat again, staring at the game before me, trying to see what the best way to get back into the game would be. I could hear Kendall flipping the locks, and the front door squeak open.

"Hey there." I brows drew as I looked up, knowing that voice.

"Hi."

"How are you, Kendall?"

"I’m fine. How are you, Haley?" I smiled, stood.

"I’m doing great. Is Andi here?"

"Hello, Haley." Her eyes darted up from the girl, and she smiled.

"Hey, stranger." It always amazed me how her entire face lit up when she smiled. "Where have you been?"

"Around. We’re pretty busy in the lab, so I’ve been spending my entire day in there." Haley tsked at me.

"All work and no play? That’s not good. So," she smiled down at Kendall, "I had come by hoping to snag you, and head shopping. But," she smiled at me, "I can see you’ve got company, so I’ll leave you two alone."

"Can we go, Andi?" I looked down, surprised to see hopeful eyes staring up at me. "Please?"

"What about our game? And what about piano, missy?"

"She can do it later." I looked up, incredulous. Haley was grinning evilly, and I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. I nodded.

"Okay. We’ll do it."

"Yay!" Kendall jumped up and down. "I’ll get my wallet!" she bellowed, and ran to her room, footsteps stomping all over the house. I smiled, shaking my head.

"Cute kid." Haley crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the front door. I sighed, nodding.

"Yep. That she is."

* * *

I have to admit, it was odd, driving the twenty minutes or so to the Rochester Mall, Haley sitting at my right, Kendall behind me. Who would have thought? My two passengers talked excitedly about summer break, and how excited Kendall was, not having to go back to school until late August.

"Well, what do you plan to do for another month and a half?" Haley asked, turned in her seat so she could see the girl. I looked at Kendall in the rear-view mirror. She shrugged.

"I’m not sure. I’ve already read all my books for the summer reading club at school."

"Yeah? Tell me about it."

"Well, the kid who reads the most books wins a prize."

"She’s won the past three years." I glanced over at my old friend, a smile of pride on my face. Haley’s brows raised in surprise.

"Really? Wow. I’m really impressed, Kendall."

"Tell her what your prize was last summer, Kendall." Our eyes met in the mirror, and I saw the smile spread across her face.

"I got to pick out ten books from Barnes & Noble."

"Wow! That’s quite a prize. Good for you." Haley turned to me. "You must be proud, obviously you’ve done a good job." I looked at her, my brows drawn. "Well, you’re her mentor, right?"

I saw Kendall’s mouth open to speak as she sat forward a bit on the leather seat.

"Hey, look. Here we are." I pulled the Jeep into the parking lot.

"Yay!"

"She’s already quite the little shopper." I explained to Haley.

"Ah. I see you’ve taught her a great deal, eh?" She grinned, I glared, which got me an even bigger grin.

I parked outside of Dillards, knowing it was the easiest place to find your car, and I was horrible at that. I never paid close enough attention to where I had left my baby, no matter how much I tried to drill it in my head.

Kendall walked between us, her dark hair bouncing as she nearly skipped. Her childish excitement always amazed and grounded me, never allowing me to get too serious. Lord knows I have that problem enough as it is. I sometimes wondered where my fun side had gone. I know I used to have one, and Haley was always good about dragging it out of me. I remember that.

"So, where to first?" I turned to see Haley staring at me as she reached for the large, glass door of the store, holding it open for Kendall and I.

"I don’t know. You’re the one who had the shopping idea, so what are we here for?" She looked at me like I was crazy, following us into the expensive department store.

"Andi. I’m disappointed in you. Do you really ever classify shopping as an event where you’re trying to find needed items?" She grinned, and I heard Kendall chuckle.

"Alright, alright. Guess I’m not up on my shopping etiquette."

* * *

I had no idea a ten-year-old could be so much fun, and with that added Haley’s kid-side, I was in stitches. All day I heard "lighten up, Andi," as I’d roll my eyes at their antics, and childish conversations. They picked out ugly clothes that people had on, or hairstyles.

"You know, Haley, you’re really not teaching her much."

"Well, that’s what her parents are for." She grinned. "That’s the great thing about taking kids out; you can be a nut with them, get them all wound up, and then drop them off at home."

"Do it often, do you?" She put her hand on her hip.

"Listen, lady, I had a very dear friend back in California who had a four-year-old son. Dillon and I had more fun than his mom and I did." I smiled, knowing that was probably very true.

"Come on, you two nuts. Let’s go to the toy store."

"Really?" Kendall smiled huge at me, her eyes shining with hope. I nodded.

"Yes!" She jumped up and down, yelling.

"Kendall, not so loud."

"I can if I want to." I stared at her, shocked at the change of expression; from pure joy to total discontent. Not sure what to say to her increasing back talk, I looked at Haley. She was already looking at me. Mrs. Torrini had told me that she was getting worse. She thought it was the kids at school, and also the fact that she was growing up.

I sighed. "Kendall, please don’t talk to me that way." She looked down, ashamed.

"I’m sorry," she said, looking up at me with her puppy-dog eyes. How could I ever stay angry?

"Come on. The toy store awaits." The smile returned to her pouting lips, and so did mine.

Haley and I followed behind her as she looked at everything, exclaiming how she’d seen this or that on television, and how she was asking for that for her birthday, or for Christmas.

"Ah, to be so young and carefree again." I turned at Haley’s voice, seeing the soft smile on her face, thumbs tucked into the back pockets of her shorts. As I looked at her, I realized just how beautiful she’d gotten. When I thought of her back in school, I had always thought she was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen, and quite frankly she was, but I had no idea how much more her genes were capable of. She had matured, her facial features had lost the softness of being just barely out childhood, all the softness growing into fine, chiseled lines, making her almost look like a sculpted piece of art.

Haley had always been taller than me, and she hadn’t grown much since last I’d seen her, if at all, but her legs somehow looked longer, more defined, incredibly shaped. Her voice was still the low, smooth tone it always was with a smoky quality to it.

I turned back to see Kendall walking toward us, the newest Barbie in her hands.

"Bet you ten bucks she’ll want me to buy that for her," I muttered to Haley. She chuckled.

"Andi?" Here it comes. "Please?" She held the pink box up to me to examine. I took it, looking at the doll, her surf board and bathing suit included. I looked at the girl, chewing on my bottom lip.

"How much you got, kiddo?" She reached into her pocket, tongue barely sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she felt around, then her eyes opening wide.

"Oh, no!"

"What is it?" I asked, immediately concerned.

"I can’t find my house key! Mom will kill me."

"Hang on. Before you get upset, check all your pockets." Kendall shoved her hand into every pocket, including the smaller coin pockets at her hips. She blew out a breath, placing her small hand over her chest.

"Found it." She brought it out of her back pocket, just a single key.

"Kendall, why don’t you put that on a key chain? It would be a lot easier to keep track of." She shrugged.

"I forget to buy one."

"Here, Kendall. My treat." I looked up, as did the girl, and immediately my brows drew. Haley held a key chain in her hand, which is all fine and good, but at the end of it was a brightly colored Koosh ball. She grinned and winked at me. "Come here," she beckoned Kendall to her, which of course she went, and whispered something in her ear. I watched, suspicious.

"Cool. Thanks, Haley!" Kendall looked at the key chain, rubbing the soft ends on her cheek. "So? Can I get this, Andi?" She held the Barbie up.

I sighed, looking at the girl again. Without a word, I dug into my pocket and got my wallet out, grabbing a twenty, and handing her the money and the doll. "Yay!" She took it, a double treat as she was getting to the point where she loved to buy things herself, feeling like an adult to hand the clerk "her" money.

Haley and I followed her up to the register, standing back to give her room to do business.

"What did you tell her?" I asked, glancing at Haley.

"Oh, nothing. Just that Koosh balls used to be your favorite toy as a kid." I turned fully to her.

"What? You didn’t." She grinned, evil. I shook my head, tucking my bottom lip into my mouth.

"You’ll pay." She grinned wider. "I need to get her home." I checked my watch.

"Mind if I come along?" I looked at her, smiled, shaking my head.

"Not at all."

* * *

I watched from the car window as Kendall ran up the walk, her Toys ‘R’ Us bag in hand. The front door opened, and there was her mom. She waved at me, and I waved back, then pulled away from the curb.

"That is one smart kid." Haley looked at me, and I smiled at her, nodding. "How did you start seeing her?" I shrugged with a sigh.

"My mom knew of her parents, and we met."

"Oh."

"She’s great. I love the time I’m able to spend with her. She keeps me young." I smiled at Haley. She chuckled.

"Well, someone’s got to." I glanced over at her as I pulled to a stop at a red traffic light.

"Meaning?" She shrugged, then looked at me.

"It seems like your life is your work. You need some fun." She punched my arm. "Want to have some fun with me tonight? Grab some take out and watch a movie, or something?" I just looked at her for a moment, trying to decide if I wanted company or not. Finally I smiled, put the car in gear, and we drove on.

"Yeah. Sounds great. Have you eaten at Wong’s yet?"

"Are you kidding? Anyone with any sort of taste for Chinese food has."

"Okey doke. Wong’s it is."

* * *

I pushed the garage door open, holding it open for Haley who followed with a brown paper bag in hand, oozing incredible smells that made my mouth water. I set the packages of things I’d bought today down on the kitchen counter, and turned lights on throughout the house as I went, headed toward what had become Bunsen’s room.

The Pug came running out of the room, doing his little happy dance at the sight of me, and especially of Haley. He loved company, and expected them all to love him.

"Who’s this?" Haley asked, kneeling to grab the puppy up in her arms, trying to keep the squirming body from falling back to the floor, yet avoid puppy kisses at the same time.

"That would be Bunsen." Haley looked at me, her head cocked to the side.

"Bunsen?" I nodded. "As in burner?" Again I nodded. She chuckled, staring at the dog. "Only you, Andi." Getting the dog to calm down, she held him close to her chest, petting Bunsen’s head and back. "So, mind if I look around?" She wiggled her brows, eyes mischievous. I nodded.

Haley walked to the living room, and I flipped the lights over the fireplace on, revealing the sculpture I had on the mantle.

"Oh, that’s beautiful." She walked toward it, taking it in. "It’s two women, isn’t it? Their bodies entwined." She looked at me, I nodded. "It’s gorgeous. Very sensual, yet tasteful."

"I picked it up in New York a few years ago. I was there for a conference." She turned away from the fireplace, and looked at the rest of the room; the wood floors, brown suede furniture with rustic wood accents. Wood and glass tables.

"You like knick knacks, don’t you?" She asked, picking up the glass figurine from the coffee table. I stuck my hands in the pockets of my cargo shorts, suddenly feeling very shy. She smiled, and headed into the kitchen. "Oh, a whole wall with hanging utensils." She said, her voice excited. Putting Bunsen down to better examine things, she grinned at me, holding a utensil, pointing it at me. I looked at it, confused, then it came back to me.

Haley busted out laughing.

"I had no idea you could turn red, Andi." She hung the potato masher back in its little nook, and turned to the appliances. "Oh, I like your stove." I had a butcher block island, the stove was built in, just a stove-top.

"Yeah, it’s great. Saves on counter space." Suddenly Haley looked at me, a grin on her face.

"You know, this makes me feel so old."

"What’s that?"

"Us, standing here talking about appliances, and me going through your house. This was the furthest thing from our minds when we were friends, you know? Back in Winston? Hell, at that time we were talking about where we’d go to school, so excited to get away from that town." She chuckled, shaking her head, then headed out of the kitchen, patting my shoulder as she passed. I followed her down the hall, the main bathroom to the left, the three bedroom doors to the right. The first of the three doors was my home office.

Haley flicked on the light, and looked around, then burst into laughter. I looked around, trying to see what was so funny.

Oh. Hehe.

"You still have those?" Haley pointed to the cabinet that I had built into the wall, large, glass doors protected my collection. She walked into the room, headed straight for the Beanie Babies. "Do they even sell these anymore?"

I shook my head. "No. They’re a real bitch to find now."

"Do you have more?" I nodded, feeing the excitement inside bubbling at my near life-long hobby.

"I have to find most of them on the internet now, or even in antique shops. Imagine that. Talk about feeling old!" We both chuckled.

"May I?" She asked, her hand on the handle of one of the doors.

"Go ahead."

She opened the door, and carefully handled the toys, reading their individual labels, each one kept in its plastic cover to protect it.

"These are just too cute. How many do you have?"

"Oh, jeez. Let me think. Um, at last count I think three hundred and thirty."

"Wow!" She looked at all of them, then her brows drew. "Where’s the Kung Fu one?"

"Oh, Suki?" She nodded. I sighed. "I was dating a woman once years ago who liked to bring her golden retriever over, and well, Barney liked to chew." Haley looked at me, her face the portrait of pity.

"Oh, Andi. He didn’t."

"He did." I sighed, shrugging.

"I’m sorry." She put the Beanie she had in her hand back, and closed the cabinet door, turning to me. "Well, how about dinner? Hungry?"

"Famished."

A pile of knick knacks on the couch cushions, the closed backgammon game on the floor, open containers of Chinese food scattered, an uncorked bottle of wine sat on the table, nearly empty plates next to it.

"It’s certainly been an adjustment to get used to these cooler nights again."

"I bet." I sipped from my wine glass, the bitter liquid filling my mouth before sliding down my throat. We both sat on the floor, across the table from each other. "Tell me about your life in California." I grabbed the bottle of wine, filling my glass half way, and offering it to Haley. She handed me her glass.

"Well, I own a very small condo at the edge of the city. Everything is so expensive in L.A., plus just beginning, well," She smiled. "Doesn’t make for much money." I smiled, nodding.

"I understand that. Tell me more."

"Well, I live alone, well, except for my bunnies." I stared at her.

"Bunnies? As in Bugs?" She nodded.

"Just like. I have lots of friends still from college, as well as now from teaching. I stay pretty busy with them."

"Do you miss them?" She nodded.

"I do. I’ve been out there for so long, coming home just feels," She chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought. "I don’t know. It just feels weird. Seeing all the places I used to hang out at, and I even saw Kelly recently. It just feels like I’ve grown up."

"You have grown up, Haley." She looked at me, smiled.

"I know. I can’t quite get used to the idea of being grown up at home."

"Do you mind if I ask about your marriage?"

"Not at all." I sipped from my wine, then put the glass aside.

"Well, tell me about Lonnie. What was he like? What did he look like?" Haley sighed, staring up at the ceiling for a moment, then looked at me.

"He’s very sweet, one of the most generous people I’ve ever known. He had considered the priesthood at one time."

"Wow. Not someone I’d imagine you with." She laughed.

"Yeah, me either. But, we started out as good friends. I could trust him, plus he was brilliant. He used to help me with my homework. After all, I didn’t exactly have your brain at my disposal." I smiled, resting my cheek on my hand. "We began to date, and it was a lot of fun. Then things started to get serious, though I don’t know how because we were both completely swamped with school. I lived in an apartment with a couple girls, and they loved to party and drink, and they both loved their men. It was horrible. I’d come home from class in the middle of the day, and one of them would be with some guy, right there in the middle of the living room!" Her eyes opened wide to emphasize her point. "It was horrible. So, I decided I’d had enough, and Lonnie suggested we get married. See, he wouldn’t live with a girl in sin." She smiled, so did I. "So, I agreed, we did. It was not fun. As wonderful as he was, we had very different personalities, and he hated how independent I was. Not that he tried to control me, he just didn’t like the fact that I wanted to take on the world on my own merit, and not that of a man."

"Oh, not fun."

"Yeah. So, eventually we realized that it just wasn’t going to work, so we got a divorce. I was always so ashamed that I was twenty-four, and already divorced. Some record, huh?" I shrugged, sitting back against the arm chair.

"I don’t know. I think everything in life happens for a reason. There had to be some purpose in it."

"I agree. But, still it’s not one of my more shining moments."

"Oh, I hear ya." I smiled, stretching my legs out in front of me, crossing them at the ankle.

"Yeah." She scooted back until her back hit the couch. "So, Andi,"

"Yes, Haley?"

"You’re a lesbian?" I looked at her, surprised at her choice in topic, but I nodded.

"That I am."

"How did that come about?"

"College." We both laughed, she nodded.

"Yeah, that would certainly be the place to do it. How did it happen?" I felt a panic for just a moment, but took a deep breath, and let it out.

"Well, it was my second year of undergrad. It just hit me. I knew guys weren’t it, no matter how many nice ones I met. It just did nothing for me, yet women I looked at did. I could get more from a woman’s stare than I could from a man’s caress." I sighed again. "So, one day I decided to try it, to see if I could actually go through with dating one."

"And you did?" I smiled.

"Well, obviously."

"And Erin?"

"Erin." I looked down at my hands that were folded in my lap.

"If you don’t want to,"

"No, it’s okay. It’s time I admit to someone other than myself that I was a schmuck. I just wasn’t ready for what she wanted."

"Which was?"

"A family, settling down. Cohabitation."

"And you’re not?" I ran my hands through my hair, shaking my head.

"I guess not. Sometimes I would think that I was, that I could do it, you know? I mean, she was kind of like Lonnie; very sweet, kind, and full of heart. But something was just missing for me. I could never put my finger on it." I looked at her. She was looking at me intently, her full attention focused on my words. I looked down again. "Sometimes I think I’m defective, or something." I looked up, giving her a weak smile. She smiled back.

"I don’t think you’re defective, Andi. She just wasn’t the right person at the right time. It’s not a crime."

"No, maybe not. But stringing her along for three years was."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I had told her so many times that I didn’t want what she did, and tried to let her go, but she kept insisting that we keep going, that she could protect herself, and wanted me with her. So," I sighed, "I stayed. But, then when Hannah died, and everything, I knew life was too short. And just because I’m fucked up doesn’t mean she has to be, too. She deserved better."

"That’s very kind of you, Andi." I looked at her, expecting sarcasm, but only saw understanding. "Erin will understand and realize that you did her a favor. If she’s as wonderful as you say, someone will pick her up, and they will be what she needs."

"Thanks. I hope so." We were both quiet for a moment, digesting the food and the conversation. Finally Haley spoke.

"So, how did your mom take your coming out? She knows, I assume?"

"Oh, yeah. She was wonderful about it."

"I’m not real surprised." She smiled, resting her elbow on the cushion of the couch, her temple against her fist. "I’m also not surprised by this revelation." She sighed, looking at me. "Andi? Why didn’t you go to my graduation? You always said you would." I stared at her for a minute, bewildered, then it hit me.

Without a word, I stood, headed into my bedroom. I opened the closet door and brought down the large boot box I kept things in, digging through until I felt the hard material of the cover.

"Yes."

I hurried back out into the living room, sitting down next to Haley, opening the brown cover, laces with gold designs around the edges.

"What’s that?" Haley asked.

"Any picture I took during those years, I stuck in here."

"Listen to you, those years. You’d think you were in a concentration camp."

"Just call me Rebekah." She chuckled. "Here we go." After flipping through the pages, I found what I was looking for. Haley took the album from me, looking closely at the picture, then up at me.

"That’s me. In my graduation gown." I nodded, sitting back and supporting myself on my hands. I watched Haley’s face as she took it all in; the crowd, the stadium, all her fellow classmates. She smiled, bringing a hand up to swipe at her eye.

"You were there," she whispered. I nodded.

"For a short time, yes." She looked at me, and I could see the tears in her eyes, and the look on her face, part pain, part surprise, part wonder. She closed the photo album, and ran her fingers over her eyes, then opened her mouth in a yawn. I glanced at the Grandfather clock.

"Wow. It’s already almost eleven."

"I know. I really have to get going." I stood, stretching my arms over my head, my own yawn following.

"This was so much fun, Andi. We have got to do it again." She smiled at me, genuine pleasure on her face.

"Thank you. I liked it, too, and I agree."

"Well, let me help you get this cleaned up." She bent down, about to grab our dishes. I stopped her.

"No, Haley, I can get this." She stood, looking at me.

"Andi, no. I helped make the mess,"

"And I’ll clean it up. Come on. You still have to drive home, and it’s late." I pushed her toward the door. "I know that look on your face; you’re exhausted."

"Okay, okay. Let me pee first." She headed toward the bathroom, then stopped. "You have a piano?" I nodded, smiling sheepishly. "But you don’t still play, right?"

"No. I just figured that when I finally do get lessons, I’ll be set." She smiled, running her hands along the shiny wood top, her hands stopping at a CD that was laying there. She looked at me, eyes opened wide in surprise.

"This is Linda Eder," she breathed, picking it up, and looking at the back of it.

"Yes it is." I stuck my hands in my pockets, suddenly feeling very shy.

"You listen to her?" I nodded. "I am so impressed." She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "You’re just full of surprises tonight, aren’t you?" I smiled, looking down sheepishly. "You know, when I was driving here, my little U-Haul hooked up behind my car, I made sure I got here just in time for her concert."

I stared at her, mouth open. "The one in Indianapolis?" She nodded, looking at me.

"Woodrow Hall?"

"Yeah." A smile began its journey.

"You were there, Andi?" I nodded.

"It’s the fifth time I’ve seen her in concert."

"Oh my god! I was there, too. God, how crazy." I had a full-out grin on my face, now. "I wish I had known. That would have been fun with you. Certainly better than being by myself."

"You were there alone?" She nodded, running her fingers up and down the edges of the jewel case.

"My mom couldn’t really get away then. Dad wasn’t doing too hot."

"Oh. Well, next time Linda comes home to Minnesota, we’re there." She smiled, nodding.

"You’re on. Okay, about to pee my pants." She hurried back to the bathroom. I shook my head, began to clean up the mess.

* * *

Blue eyes fell to my mouth, then looked into my eyes again. There was something there that I couldn’t quite read, but if I had seen that look in my dreams, I would have taken it for desire.

"Okay." She said quietly, still looking at me. Was she worried about the same thing I was? Did she worry I’d be cruel? Before I could ponder that question any further, I saw her leaning in a bit closer, her arm reaching across me to balance her self on her hand, placed near my shoulder. My body was vibrating, for so many reasons. I was nervous, could not believe what was about to happen, and oh yeah, I really wanted this.

Soon there was barely any space between us at all, the tip of her nose teasing mine, then teasing my cheek as she got even closer. I could feel her breath, so hot on my face, her body heat immense. I felt just the barest touch of her breast against mine as she adjusted her body, not fully laying on mine, but resting against it, her arm still taking the biggest brunt of her weight, her other hand playing with the hair that laid around my head on the carpet. My arms stayed glued to my body, my hands clasped on my stomach.

Soft, almost tickling me, her lips teased, almost shy in their advance. I tried holding my breath so I wouldn’t all out pant. I didn’t dare want her to guess my excitement level, or my nervousness.

"You can breathe, Andi," she whispered against my mouth. It sent shivers through my body, and I exhaled in a small, quick puff of air. The lips came again, softer than I ever imagined they’d be, almost stroking mine, her bottom lip pushing against mine. My fingers began to dig into themselves, craving the feel of her skin, her hair, anything.

Both lips were on mine now, pushing, yet gentle, tentatively seeking the best place to rest. I didn’t know what to do, should I move my lips to kiss back? Should I just lie still? The lips pulled away a bit, and my mind screamed out in protest, my lips trying to hold on to what they craved, but the softness quickly returned, bringing with it a little more pressure.

One of my hands found its way out from between our bodies, and rested on Haley’s shoulder, warm and soft next to the scratchy material of the cheerleading outfit. My fingertips barely touched the skin, rubbing, just brushing. I felt a shiver run through Haley’s body, and I smiled inside with satisfaction. This gave me a bit of confidence, and I pushed back with my mouth, opening my lips just a bit, just enough to capture her bottom lip between mine.

Haley lowered her body a bit, lowering her weight to rest on her elbow now. I could feel her breasts against mine completely. My god, they were so soft. I had no idea. She moved her head a bit to the side allowing more room for exploration, her lips following mine, opening to capture more inside, and to allow the softest, warmest, most sensual feeling of her tongue, barely touching my top lip, tasting. At the sensation, my fingers dug into her shoulder a bit, messaging the skin, and moving up, along the cheerleading shell, and then the warmth of her neck, so soft and smooth.

No wonder men loved women so much.

Finally my fingers found themselves in her hair, brushing it from its dark halo around us, pushing it behind her shoulder, running my fingers down its long length.

This seemed to get Haley going as I felt that tentative tongue from before finding its way into my mouth, searching, soft, gentle caresses. To my surprise, and arousal, Haley moaned, long and unbelievably sexy. God, I wanted to moan, too, but didn’t dare. My tongue met hers, and they slid against each other, Haley’s breathing coming faster with each caress.

I bolted awake, arousal coursing through my body, my breath coming in short bursts. Looking around, I tried to orient myself, glancing at the clock. It was 3:14 a.m. I ran a hand through my hair, then stopped, eyes popping open.

"Oh my god." Realization dawned on me. That was no dream.

It was a memory.

It all came flooding back to me. Spring break, the final weekend. Minnesota had been hit by a massive storm, everything closed down, and Haley had stayed at my house.

I scooted until my back hit the headboard of my bed. Bunsen whimpered from the end of the bed, stood on tired legs, dragging himself up to plop down next to me, falling asleep again with a snort.

Running my hands over his soft fur, I thought back. Haley bringing up her graduation tonight, and seeing that picture, and all the intense emotions that had been attached to it at the time.

God, how had I forgotten all of this? How could I not? It had all been ripped from a young, insecure girl’s hands and heart so quickly, the sting was just too much. When I’d left Winston initially, I had made the decision right there and then that everything prior to college was void, and my life was about to begin again in college, where things mattered.

What a fool I’d been. Look how that turned out.

I looked down at my dog. Why couldn’t life be as easy as his?

* * *

I squeezed my hands into fists, trying to garner the courage to actually go into the room. I hadn’t seen Erin in about two weeks, and hadn’t spoken to her since I had left her house that night, after... things.

I didn’t know if this was a good idea or not, if she’d care, or even whose benefit I was doing this for. Deciding I didn’t care, it needed to be done, I prepared myself for any response.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open to the break room for the nurses on her floor. She was sitting on the couch, her feet up on a chair, reading a magazine. I swallowed, and cleared my throat. Erin looked up, her eyes narrowing as recognition filled them.

"Hi." I said, my voice quiet.

"Hello."

"Mind if I sit?" I indicated the arm chair across from the couch. She nodded toward it, so I sat.

"What can I do for you, Andi?" she asked, once I got myself situated. She sounded as though she were talking to any colleague, as if I were about to ask her about a chart or something.

"Well, um, damn."

"You never seemed to have problems speaking before. What’s the problem now?" I glanced up into her eyes, and smiled. I could understand her attitude toward me, and didn’t blame her. I had hurt her.

"Listen, Erin, I don’t know if any of this will matter, or mean a thing to you, but I still think you should know." She said nothing, just sat, arms crossed over her chest, listening. "What happened, between us, it wasn’t your fault." She raised her chin a bit. "Erin, you are a wonderful person, absolutely incredible; generous, kind, so much to give." I cleared my throat again, running my palms on the thighs of my slacks. "I’m the one who’s broken. Not you." I looked up at her, wanting her to know that I was sincere, and meant every word of it. "And, I wish you the best. I know that what you need is out there for you, and I know she’ll find you, Erin."

She looked away for a moment, taking a deep breath, then looked down at her hands that played with the magazine on her lap. Finally she looked up at me.

"Thank you, Andi. That means a lot." She smiled, though it was sad. I smiled back, feeling like a weight had just been lifted away. I just hoped I hadn’t hurt her more by coming to her like this.

"Well, okay. Um, good. I have to get going." I stood, stared down at her for a moment. "Take care of yourself, Erin. You want to be ready for when she comes riding up on her white horse." I smiled at her, and was glad to get a smile in return. I turned to head out, but stopped when I heard my name. I looked at her over my shoulder.

"Why?" I turned to fully face her, and shrugged.

"I guess time and distance give you perspective. You deserve so much more than I ever gave you, and it would be understandable if you’d take all this on your own shoulders. That’s just the kind of person you are, selfless like that. I wanted you to know, now, that emotions have cooled, that it wasn’t your fault. You just were in the wrong place at the wrong time to be hit with a train wreck like me." She nodded and took a deep breath.

"I’ve been hearing about the fund you started in Hannah’s name. For her little girl." I nodded, sticking my hands in the large, deep pockets of my lab coat.

"Why should that little girl pay for something that was out of her control?"

"Yeah. Well, it’s an amazing thing you’ve done. You should know that."

"Thanks, Erin."

"In fact," she grabbed her purse from the side table, bringing out her wallet. "I’ve actually been meaning to give this to you." She grabbed a folded up check, handed it to me.

"Erin,"

"No, I want to donate this." I looked at the amount, surprised to see it was a thousand dollars.

"You’re very generous, Erin. Thank you." I stuck it in my pocket. "Well, I better get back to the lab."

As I headed toward the elevators, I felt good. No, I felt damn good. The smile just shot from one corner of my mouth to the other, my steps feeling lighter, more spring in them. I felt at peace with Erin for the first time in three years, like I had finally done right by her, and like she would be okay. And maybe, just maybe, so would I.

I thought of my time with Haley the other night, and what I had learned after she’d left. Life was so funny in the way it threw things at you, and then sat back, watching with glee as you tried to figure it all out. Life certainly had one sick sense of humor.

* * *

With a contented sigh, I stretched my arm along the back of the park bench, watching, completely amused, as Haley and Kendall played with Bunsen. He was totally eating it up, too. Who wouldn’t? Two beautiful ladies giving you their undivided attention?

I smiled at this last thought, and leaned my head against my hand. It had been a week since I had had the dream, and I had decided that there was no reason to do anything about it, talk to Haley. She knew what had happened, and kids do stupid things.

These new realizations made so much else make more sense, well, make sense at all. My feelings toward the Linda Eder CD and certain music from her. The feeling of sadness I’d get at times when I’d listen to her music. I used to equate it with Erin and I, or with whatever relationship I was in at the time. Much of Linda’s music is about love, and the things she wants in life, and I felt sad that I wanted many of those things, too, but they just seemed so far out of my grasp.

At one time they were. As a teenager I had thought that Haley was the end-all of my existence, and I hadn’t even realized it. But we were all grown up, now, and reality takes on such a different look when the lights are turned on.

"Come on, Andi!" I looked up to see Kendall running toward me. When she reached me, she grabbed my hand, tugging at it. "Come play with us."

"Nah, you guys go ahead." I smiled at her. Hell, I was thoroughly enjoying watching them.

"No, come on. Please?" Then I saw Haley running toward us, Bunsen barking at her heels. She reached us, and grabbed my other hand.

"Yeah, come on, Andi. Come play," she pleaded, the cutest pout on her face.

"Kendall has taught you well." I grinned, so did she, nodding vigorously. "Okay, okay." I stood, both girls excited. Bunsen even jumped at my legs until I grabbed his rope out of his mouth, and threw it, sending him off in a barking frenzy to grab it. "You did a good job teaching him fetch, honey." I put my hands on the girl’s shoulders as I watched the Pug grab the rope, and happily run back, the toy tripping him up every few yards.

"How often do you get to see her?" Haley asked, watching as Kendall ran out to meet the puppy.

"Pretty much as often as I like. I try to get her at least every other weekend."

"You’re so good with her, and I imagine for her."

"I hope so." Taking a deep breath, I clapped my hands together. "Come on, you two. Let’s go home and get some pizza." Kendall’s head immediately shot up from her playing. The "p" word was like magic.

"Pizza? Really?" She jumped up from her knees, and ran over to us, grabbing my hand, staring up into my face. "We get to have pizza?"

"Yup. Go get Bunsen and his toys, and we’ll go."

"Woohoo! Bunsen, we get pizza!"

* * *

"Anyone want another slice?" Haley asked from the kitchen. Kendall and I still sat at the kitchen table, almost trying to race in how many pieces we could eat. Of course a ten-year-old girl had no chance against the notorious stomach of Andi Littman.

"Yes," we said, almost in unison, then we both giggled.

"Jinx!" Kendall yelled, pointing at me. I stuck my tongue out at her, which got her giggling again. "I really like you, Andi. You’re so much fun." I looked at her, my heart melting. I smiled.

"Well, I like you, too, Kendall." She smiled, and dug in to the fresh piece that Haley had just put on her plate.

"Thank you ladies for letting me be involved with your day, yet again." I turned to Haley, and smiled.

"You’re welcome here anytime, Haley. Right, Kendall?" She could only nod, her mouth full of pepperoni. "I want to know when I get to see these bunnies of yours."

"Me, too." Kendall said around her mouthful.

"Well, maybe you two can come over to my house next weekend." She took a drink from her soda.

"Yay! Oh, wait. I have to go see my grandparents next weekend." Kendall looked down, obviously bummed.

"Well, then we’ll do it another time. Okay?" Haley said, smiling at the girl. Kendall looked at her, nodding.

"Okay. What are your bunny’s names?" She took a big bite from her piece of pizza.

"Peggy and Oreo."

"Peggy?" I asked. She grinned at me.

"I’ll explain it when you see them."

"Andi? When I finish this, may I be excused to watch TV?" I nodded.

"Sure, hon." She smiled, and continued to eat.

* * *

I leaned against the wall, arms crossed over my chest as I listened. Haley sat at the piano, her eyes closes as she let the music pour from her. I had been amazed when she’d told me that she had bought a used upright when she’d moved back to Minnesota. She said that she couldn’t live without a piano. For some reason hers was back in California.

The song came to an end. And she looked up at me. I met her gaze with a smile.

"That was beautiful. You’re such a wonderful pianist, Haley."

"Thank you. When I was in college I found that it was a wonderful stress reliever, as well as the Tae Kwon Do. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten Kendall into it."

I looked down, playing with my fingers. "She can’t. Kendall was born with heart problems, and can’t take that kind of activity."

"Oh. That’s too bad." I smiled, wanting to change the subject.

"So, teacher, want to give me some more lessons?" I nodded toward the piano. Haley’s face brightened immediately.

"Really?" I nodded. "Oh, absolutely. I’m so excited that you asked."

"Andi!" I turned to see a bouncing ten year old heading toward us.

"Yes, Kendall?" I grinned, always completely charmed by her enthusiasm for life.

"You should see this show on TV. It’s really hot shit." I stood there, mouth open in shock.

"What did you just say?" Kendall looked away, realizing what she’d just said. "Kendall, you don’t use language like that." I was stunned. The girl looked back up at me, her young face contorted in anger and embarrassment. She looked at Haley, seeing if she was noticing.

"You always tell me what to do." Kendall looked at me, small fists on her hips. "You’re not my mother!" she shouted, and ran toward her bedroom.

I stood there, feeling as though I’d been slapped in the face, or punched in the heart. As if in a daze, I walked toward the living room, my legs feeling like they belonged to someone else, and I wasn’t sure how to use them. Sinking down into the couch, I covered my face with my hands, feeling the lump that was suddenly super-sized, try to make its way to my eyes.

"Andi?" I heard Haley’s soft voice near my ear, and knew she was kneeling down next to me. "Are you okay?" I could hear the confusion in her voice. I took a deep breath, knowing my face was red from the upset that was waiting to burst from me. I looked into concerned blue eyes. "I know kids say some stupid things sometimes, but,"

"I am her mother, Haley."

She only stared.

Part 13

I could feel Haley’s eyes on me, and for a moment I couldn’t believe I’d said it. No one knew. Not even Erin. Well, it was out now, so might as well go with it.

Slowly I looked up, running a hand through my hair. I felt like an idiot, not a huge fan of showing my emotions so bluntly as I was now; my cheeks felt tight even as tears continued to run down and drip off my chin.

"What?" Haley finally said, her hand frozen on my arm. I nodded.

"She’s my daughter, I’m her mother, well, biological mother, anyway."

Haley sat back on her heels, staring at the floor as she tried to digest what I was telling her. Finally she took a deep breath, and seemed to get herself under control, ready to start asking questions.

"How did it happen?" Her voice was quiet, low, reminding me of the church voice your mother tells you to use. I took in a deep breath, feeling my lungs fill with air, and my body fill with courage. I let out the breath, and ran a hand through my hair again. A nervous gesture on my part.

"When I started at Dartmouth, during the first week I met a guy named Scott Pachowski. Nicest guy in the world. Well, we hit it off immediately. Good friends, and study buddies." I smiled at the memory. "We used to make ice cream runs at two in the morning when we’d study." I smiled at her, and she smiled back, squeezing my arm in support and encouragement. She pulled herself up to sit next to me.

"Then what?" I took a deep breath.

"Well, at that time, as an eighteen-year-old kid, I was so confused, you know?" I looked at her, she shook her head.

"I don’t understand."

"About myself. You figure what my sexual experiences had been before that." She looked down, nodding.

"Yeah." She looked at me again. "I see."

"So, one night, after half a day of studying, Scott and I decided to rent a couple movies, get some junk food, and chill out in my dorm room. Scott had never had any kind of experiences at all." I grinned, looking down at my hands, which fidgeted with each other. "In fact, he had a condom in his wallet that he’d been carrying around for like a year. I used to tease him about that all the time." I took a deep breath, glancing again toward Kendall’s room. "Anyway, as we watched the movie, we started talking about sex. Talking about it turned to kissing, and kissing turned to him being able to finally use that condom." I smiled sadly at Haley.

"Which, of course, was old?" she asked, her voice very quiet. I nodded, feeling my eyes begin to sting again.

"Yeah."

"I think I can guess the rest." I tucked my lower lip in, trying to hold myself together, keep in the emotion, but I felt a tear slip out, making a cold, lazy trail down my cheek. "Why didn’t you abort?" I looked up at her, my brows drawn.

"I could never do that, Haley. Kill an innocent, unborn child because of my own irresponsibility? Never." She nodded in understanding.

"How did the Torrini's get involved in all of this?" I felt Haley’s hand moving on my arm, petting me, always letting me know she was there.

"My mom. Through the hospital. She knew a woman who knew a couple wanting a child. At that time they had been married for something like seven years, and couldn’t conceive. So, we all met, and an arrangement was made."

"Why didn’t you keep her?" I sighed, a rueful smile coming to my face.

"Now there’s the million dollar question. But, it’s an easy answer. I was far too young, Haley, and I knew it. And, to be honest, with you and with myself, I was very selfish. I had a dream my entire life, as you know, of going to college, moving on, reaching my dreams. A child did not fit into that plan very well. I knew it was the best thing for everyone involved. Ultimately, especially for Kendall. She deserved parents that could give her everything emotionally that she needed. The time and love."

"So, you left Dartmouth?"

"Yes. My mom assured me that if I came back home, I could go to school locally, and she could help out. I could live at home, and get excellent medical care. So, I left Dartmouth, and enrolled in Carlton."

"Did you see Kendall when she was born?" she asked, running her hand down my arm until she held my hand. I squeezed her fingers, she squeezed back. I nodded.

"Yes. My mother and the Torrinis were in the delivery room that day. I was given Kendall as soon as she was born, held her, kissed the top of her head," My voice broke, and my hand came up to hide my face as the tears came anew. I thought back to that day. It was three-thirty in the morning, and I was so exhausted, and my body hurt, and so did my soul. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, I was giving up my child, my flesh and blood. Holding her to me, seeing the thick, dark hair she had, and the wail, it was almost too much. My breasts had began to hurt immediately, responding to the call of my hungry child.

I felt arms encircle me, and I fell into them, letting the pain of nearly eleven years finally come out, me never really dealing with it, or letting it out.

"I’m so sorry, Andi." Haley whispered into my ear, her hand stroking my shoulder, my head against her neck.

Hating myself for letting something that was beyond my control get the best of me, I took all that pain, all that guilt, and all those emotions and shoved them back into their dark little cabinet where I could put the lock back on the door.

I swiped at my eyes, trying to eat the sobs.

"Are you okay?" I nodded, pulling away, but still needing the warmth of human contact. Haley kept her hand on my shoulder, massaging the skin through my shirt, and waiting for me to continue.

"Anyway, a deal’s a deal. So, the Torrinis took Kendall home, and the rest is history."

"Does Kendall know?" I nodded, using the hem of my shirt to wipe at my eyes. "Hold on," Haley stood, and walked away for a moment, returning with a box of Kleenex.

I smiled my gratitude, and blew my nose, dried my eyes.

"Is Scott still in the picture?" I shook my head.

"Oh, no. I told him about the baby, but he wanted no part of it. He signed his rights away. Believe it or not, he was even more determined than I was." Haley smiled. "I imagine he’s some huge, successful neurosurgeon somewhere." She sighed quietly, slowly letting the breath out.

"Has she ever said anything like that before?" She sat next to me again, putting the box of tissues on the coffee table, and turning back to me. I shook my head.

"No. Never." I looked toward her room again, then at my old friend.

"I don’t think she meant anything by it, Andi. Kids say things that they don’t even realize. They don’t know the damage they can do."

"Yeah. I think she was embarrassed when I told her not to curse. You know, she was in front of adults. She really likes you, you know." I smiled at her. She smiled at me.

"Well, I like her, too. She’s a good kid, Andi. I don’t think she meant to hurt you." I took a deep breath, feeling like a kid as I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes to try and stop the burning.

"Do many people know about this?" I shook my head.

"Nope. You’re the only one other than family." Haley sat back, her arm running along the back of the couch.

"So Erin never knew about Kendall?"

"No." Her brows drew in surprise.

"Why?" I shrugged.

"Good question. I guess mostly because Erin didn’t like to be around Kendall. She never tried to understand what Kendall meant to me. Even if I really were just her mentor." I blew my nose again, tossing the Kleenex aside, and grabbing another one. "I never felt that I could fully trust Erin in that way. Not that she’d go and tell the entire hospital about it, but that she’d never understand the importance of Kendall to me, never respect her as my child. You know?" Haley nodded.

"I understand, and I’m sorry. That was wrong of Erin."

"Yes. Well, Erin wanted to settle down, that was true. But she never really tried to get to know me, the real me." I pointed to myself. "She was always more intent on knowing where I was, and what I was doing, than what was inside me." I ran a hand through my hair, and sighed. "It pushed me away further than I pushed myself away."

"I’m sorry, Andi. It sounds like Erin wasn’t what you needed." I nodded.

"You can say that again. She’s a good woman, and I know that she’ll find what she’s looking for, but I’m glad it’s over." I looked at Haley, feeling so vulnerable, but feeling like I needed to talk with Haley. "Haley?"

"Yes, Andi?"

"Why do I push people away like I do? I mean, it’s not like I had this horrible childhood where I wasn’t loved and had to fight on the streets. I don’t get it."

"Well, before I answer, do you mind if I get some water?" Haley pointed toward the kitchen. I smiled, nodding my head. Haley stood, then looked down at me. "Want anything?"

"Yeah. Get me an OJ, will you?"

"You know, Andi," Haley said as she made her way to the fridge. "I think you don’t feel you’re understood, and because of that lack of understanding, you shut yourself off so you can’t be hurt that way." She handed me the 10 ounce plastic bottle, and sat again, opening her own bottle of juice. "No one has bothered to try and look deeper than the puddle that you allow to be seen, Andi. Let’s face it; you’re quite intimidating when you want to be. Which," she chuckled. "Is most the time, unfortunately." I looked at her, brows drawn.

"But you’re not intimidated by me." Haley shook her head, taking a long drink of her juice, and setting the near empty bottle aside.

"Not at all. I see you. The real you." I stared at her, unsure what to say, what to think, what to feel. My head was far too mottled with thoughts to even attempt dissecting what she was telling me. We both sat quietly, lost in our own thoughts. I’m not sure how long we sat there, perhaps it was two minutes, maybe two hours. It just felt good to be, and know that someone was with you that understood, and could offer the kindness and understanding that I needed.

Finally Haley spoke.

"It’s getting late, Andi." I felt a warm hand on mine again. I looked into her eyes. She smiled at me. "I think you’ve had enough thinking for one night." I smiled back, nodding. "You’ll be okay?" I nodded. She patted my hand. "I’ll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah. Thank you so much, Haley."

"Sure." She stood, standing before me, her arms out to the side. I looked up at her. "Come, come." Shaking my head with a grin, I stood, and stepped into her arms. The hug was tight, warm, and brief. She stepped back from me. "You’ll be okay, Andi. You’re a strong cookie." She grabbed her juice, finished it, and headed back into the kitchen to throw it out. She looked at me one last time, smiled, then headed out.

I stayed where I was for a moment, feeling so exhausted, and near empty, as if I had just purged everything that was in me tonight. How on earth did Haley get me to admit to all this crap? It was her job, after all. Guess I shouldn’t be so surprised.

Kendall.

I turned again to the door that I knew she slept behind. Almost as if they had their own mind, my legs began to move, carrying me toward it. I put my hand out, slowly, quietly turning the doorknob, and pushed the door open.

The dim light from the lamp in the other room shed some light into the darkness. Kendall lay on her side, her back to me in her bed, the blankets tucked under her arm. I stood there in the doorway, watching my daughter as she slept. My daughter. Rarely did I ever let those words enter into my mind. That way I didn’t have to think, or have to feel. I was missing out.

There was so much love inside me at that moment, filling me, making feel so lucky to still have this wonderful, precious gift in my life. How would my life have been without her?

I started when I heard movement. Kendall had turned over, laying on her back, her eyes open. She was looking at me. I didn’t know what to say, or if I should say anything. Suddenly her arms opened, and her head cocked to the side slightly, hope in her eyes, so much like my own.

Without a word, I went to her, sat on the edge of the bed, and gathered the little girl in my arms, holding her tightly to me.

"I’m sorry," she cried, the sobs wracking her small body. "I didn’t mean it."

My eyes closed tightly, my hand going to the back of her head, holding her head to my chest.

"I know. It’s okay, Kendall." The sobs began to subside, small fingers digging into the material of my shirt, until she had a handful to hold onto.

"I love you, Andi." A smiled spread across my lips, and I hugged her tighter.

"I love you, too, Kendall."

* * *

My brows drew as I watched the computer screen, the levels of the equipment, set up to show right in my office. I grabbed my bottled water, sipping as the levels evened out.

"Yes," I smiled, finally satisfied. I shut the program down, and turned to my daily log, writing the information down.

"Hey." Looking up, I saw Haley standing in the doorway of my office, a wrapped sandwich in her hand, and a carton of orange juice. I smiled.

"Hey, yourself." Leaning back in my chair, I ran a hand through my hair. "What’s up?" It had been three days since our talk, and she had come in every morning to say hello. I was surprised to see her in here during lunch, though.

"Well, I figured since you never go to the cafeteria anymore, you probably don’t eat. I can’t imagine you bring more than your normal apple." She nodded toward the piece of fruit sitting on my desk. I grinned.

"Busted. However, I did bring some water." I showed her the half-empty bottle. She stepped into the room.

"Yeah, well that’s still no lunch. Here." She set the sandwich down. "I remember how much you love fish, so I figured you’d enjoy this. Here’s some juice, too."

"Aw, for me?" I grinned at her, grateful for such a thoughtful gesture.

"Yes, ma’am. All for you. You can’t just lock yourself up in this lab, Andi. You need something substantial to eat."

"Thanks, mom."

"You’re welcome, daughter." She smiled. "I have to run. Catch you later." She turned to go.

"Yeah. Actually, um, Haley?"

"Yeah?" She looked at me from the doorway, her hand on the frame.

"Well, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to get together tonight. You know, maybe we could catch a movie, or dinner or something?" She turned, facing me fully, a huge smile on her face.

"I would love to. Thanks for asking." She looked at her watch. "I have a session at four-fifteen, and I expect that to last for about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Why don’t I give you a call when I finish?"

"Yeah. Sounds good."

"Great. Talk to you then." She hurried out of my office, and the lab. As I sat there, a through occurred to me. With a wicked grin, I grabbed my keys, and headed out.

* * *

With a sigh, I looked into the microscope again, seeing if my eyes deceived me, or if maybe, just maybe it had actually worked.

I looked at the numbers again, and,

"Yes!" I stood, arms above my head, as I twirled in a circle, doing my happy dance, only to stop, mortified. Haley was still laughing as she clapped.

"Nice. May I have an encore?"

"Hi." I grinned sheepishly. "What I was working on, well, worked."

"Well, then I guess your little jig there was justified." She smiled again. "I just came by to tell you that my client canceled, so I’m free now."

"Oh. Well, I need about another half hour." I wrote down the results, scratching my head with the back of my pen. "Maybe forty-five minutes."

"Well, how about I head home, get changed, then make my way to your place around five-thirty? Is an hour enough?" I nodded.

"Yeah. Should be."

"Great. See you then."

I watched her leave the lab, then turned back to my work.

* * *

"Hello, my baby." I picked up my boy, and tried to avoid little Pug kisses as I hurried to my bedroom to change my clothes. Haley would be here any minute, and I wanted to be ready to go.

Ding dong.

Just in time.

I pulled the tank over my head, and buttoned my cargo shorts as I walked toward the front door.

"Hey." Haley smiled when I pulled it open. I opened my mouth to speak when it snapped shut. Haley’s head went up, and her nose began to work. I watched, my hand still on the door as she began to sniff the air, taking small steps, following the smell. "Brownies," she murmured as she went. I looked down when I heard a whimper.

Bunsen sat on his haunches, looking up at me as through he were completely confused about why the fun lady totally passed him up. Picking him up, I turned to Haley again. She was turning the corner into the kitchen, still sniffing. I hurried to catch up.

Haley was headed straight for the counter by the stove where a plate of her favorite brownies, baked this afternoon, waited for her. She turned to look back at me, a huge smile on her face.

"May I?" I nodded. Like a piranha, she dug in, moaning happily as she did so.

"So, um, still interested in a movie?" I muttered, shaking my head as I watched.

* * *

The week had passes so quickly, a lot of that due in part to Haley. We had seen each other nearly every night to some degree, whether it was to grab a movie, or to get some coffee after work. I had even pulled myself out of the lab for lunch Friday.

As Bunsen and I walked the bike path, headed to the park Saturday morning before my nine o’clock Tae Kwon Do class, I thought about the time spent with her, and how refreshing and, well, needed it was. Her friendship was bringing me out of my haze, much as it did over a decade ago. What was it about her that made the world around me brighter? Almost like she threw the curtain I’d thrown around everything back so that the brightness could come in, and make me see life again. What an amazing gift she had.

I turned us away from the park, and began to head left on an offshoot of the path, Bunsen strutting his stuff beside me.

As I walked on, I thought more about her. I thought about her marriage, however brief it was, and wondered what her husband was like. What had she seen in him? What sorts of things did she look for? Why was she back here? I wasn’t much for coincidences. I was far too logical for that, but it was so odd that she was back, from the span of half the country away.

I looked up, surprised to see that I was in Haley’s neighborhood. Looking around, I felt almost scared for a moment, wondering how the hell I’d gotten here. Then, thinking about how far from this my house was, I looked down at Bunsen.

"Oh, baby." He laid on the sidewalk at my feet, his tongue hanging out of his mouth, his pants coming out in snorts. I was this far, may as well go on. I picked up the tired Pug, walked down the street, seeing Haley’s townhouse coming up. I hurried up the stairs, suddenly finding myself at her door, and feeling like a kid again. My stomach was doing flip flops, my palms beginning to sweat, sticking to Bunsen’s short fur.

What the hell was it about Haley that made me feel like I was 17 again?

Rubbing my hand on the side of my shorts, then pulled my fingers into a fist to knock. I rapped three times, and waited, petting Bunsen’s head, his panting slowing, but he still needed some water. We had walked nearly two miles; far too much for a little guy.

I heard movement inside the townhouse, and my butterflies came back full-force. Would she be mad that I had just shown up at her place unannounced? God, grow up, Andi. You’re not a kid.

The door opened, and Haley stood before me, her hands grasping the ends of her robe together, her hair wild, eyes droopy. I glanced down at my watch, mortified when I saw it was only seven-ten in the morning.

"Andi?" I looked up at her again, putting a smile on my face to attempt to cover my embarrassment.

"Hi, uh, good morning. We were taking a walk and," I looked down at my dog, then up into confused, tired eyes. "Got any water?" She looked at me, a brow raising. "For Bunsen. He’s not used to such a long walk." Oh yeah, I felt really stupid now.

"Sure. Come on in." Haley stepped back from the door, letting us to pass. "Can I get you some water, too? Juice maybe? Unleaded?" I looked at her over my shoulder.

"Unleaded? You’re offering me gasoline?"

"Well, no," Haley walked by me, leading me to the kitchen. "It is an unnatural color, has an unnatural taste and smell, but this one is produced from beans. Coffee beans, to be exact." She grinned at me, and I smiled back.

"Alright. Unleaded it is."

As she set to work on the coffee, I looked around. The place was nice, spacious and open. These townhouses were relatively new, only going up in the last five years or so. The vaulted ceilings in the kitchen led up to a skylight, the early morning sunlight coming in to light up the room, reflecting off the egg-shell colored walls. The black appliances were spotless, as were the hanging pans and utensils mounted on the wall.

"Nice place you’ve got here."

"Thanks. Care for a tour as that brews?"

"Yeah."

"Will Bunsen be okay down here by himself?" We looked down at my dog who had found a comfy spot right in the middle of the living room to lie down. "Oh. Water." She grabbed a cereal bowl, and filled it from the tap, then brought it over to the Pug. "Drink, little guy," she said quietly, gently lifting my dog’s head. Bunsen drank greedily, then plopped back down, falling asleep with a snort.

Haley led me through the living room, then back to the small second bedroom toward the back of the place, which was where she had her computer and bookshelves, though it was only about half full. There were a few pictures here and there, but overall, the decorations were sparse.

The main bathroom was good-size, with a nice, big bathtub in the corner, and a separate shower stall. The narrow flight of stairs led to the loft, which was the master bedroom. A beautiful four-poster bed was the room’s centerpiece, and a single dresser.

"What a beautiful set." I said, running my fingers across the smooth, dark surface of the cherry wood.

"Thanks. My grandmother died a few years back, so my parents had it in storage. They’re letting me use it."

"Oh." I glanced over at the bedside table, and grinned when I saw the familiar orange Koosh ball sitting by the table. "It’s like an American Express, can’t leave home without it." I grinned at Haley who looked at me. She nodded, grinning.

"I’ve sent many a date running scared from that little guy."

"I imagine so."

"If they can’t accept my Koosh, they can’t accept me."

"Oh, I see how it is. Planning on staying single for a while?"

"Ha ha. Funny girl. Come here and meet my bunnies."

I walked over to the small rabbit pin in the corner by the closet. There were two rabbits in there, but they had a little bunny palace.

"Those are two very spoiled little Bugs’."

"You’re telling me." She smiled at me, and unlatched the cover on top, lifting it. I looked down at the two. "This one here, the friendly one, is Oreo." She lifted one out. He had the long, floppy ears, and his entire body, including his ears, were black and white splotches.

"I didn’t know rabbits made the Dalmatian variety. Hey, little fella." I tentatively reached my hand out, stroking his soft back, his dark eyes ever watchful, whiskers twitching. "Wow, he’s so incredibly soft."

"Aren’t they, though? That’ s probably the thing I like about rabbits the most. Here." She handed the furry little beast to me. I took him, holding him close against my chest. It always amazed me how fragile little things like this felt to me; like their bones were made out of mere paper, and could snap or tear in an instant. "This little one is Peggy." I looked up to see a pure white rabbit, with one brown leg in Haley’s arms.

"Why, pray tell, is she called Peggy?" Haley indicated the brown leg.

"Peg Leg. Peggy." I looked up into Haley’s eyes. She was smiling.

"Please don’t have children." She grinned, kissing the top of the rabbit’s head.

"Nah, she loves me. Just no one else." The rabbit was shaking in her owner’s arms, her whiskers going fifty miles an hour as she sniffed this new scent. "So, what do you and Bunsen have planned for today?" I shrugged as I continued to pet Oreo’s head and ears.

"Well, I have to teach my class at nine. I imagine we’ll leave soon so I can get us home, and I can get changed."

Haley glanced at her alarm clock. "Andi, it’s only seven-thirty."

"Yeah, but it took us a while to walk here."

"Oh, hell. I can drive you."

"No, that’s okay. I don’t want to be anymore of a nuisance than I already have been." I kissed the top of Oreo’s head, taking his ears in my fingers, running them through, amused as the ears flopped back into place.

"Nonsense. Besides, I think I’ll go to class with you, if you don’t mind." I looked up at her, brows drawn.

"Don’t you still go to Wednesday’s classes?"

"Sure. But I’ve been too busy this week to do any workouts here. So, I’ll do them there while you teach." I smiled.

"Works for me."

My head turned as I heard my baby’s barking downstairs, shrill and scared.

"Uh oh. Someone woke up." Haley grinned at me. I quickly put Oreo back into his cage, and hurried downstairs. Bunsen sat in the middle of the living room, looking around desperately for me. When he heard the noise of me plowing down the stairs, he stood, tail going nuts, his barking turning to whimpers and snorts.

"Hey, big fella. Did you get scared?" I picked him up, and brought him up so we could look eye to eye. He pushed forward, trying to lick my nose, but only managed to lick his own. I kissed his forehead, and turned to see Haley making her way down the stairs, the ends of her robe flapping behind her, showing bits of long, tanned leg as she took each step. At one point I could see all the way up to her knee.

Tearing my eyes away, I turned my attention back to my dog.

"Is he okay?" I nodded.

"Yeah. He’s fine. Just didn’t know where either he or I were." Haley headed into the kitchen.

"Coffee’s ready."

I put the Pug down, and headed into the kitchen, the smell coffee filling the air. Bunsen followed, his nails clicking on the tile.

"How do you like it?" Haley handed me a mug.

"Thanks. Sugar." She opened a cabinet door, taking out a small dish with a lid, and a silver handle sticking out of a hole to the side of the life. I took the lid off to find a tiny spoon inside. I lifted it out, and brought it up to my eyes. "How cute is this?" Haley looked at me like I was nuts.

"You’ve never seen a sugar spoon before?" I shook my head. She shook her head, smiling as she sipped her black coffee. I put in my usual amount of sugar that would make a fly happy for months, and sipped, letting the warm fluid wash through me.

"Good stuff." Haley walked toward the small round butcher-block table, and I joined here. There my wallet and keys laid. Haley looked down at them.

"Oh, what have we here?" She grinned, her eyes filled with mischief as she picked up my wallet. She looked at me for a moment, I guess seeing if I’d mind. For just a moment my dander was raised, feeling as though my privacy were about to be invaded, but then it all went away, and suddenly, though nervous, I didn’t mind so much. For the most part.

"Having fun?" I asked, sitting back in the chair, drinking my coffee. She nodded vigorously, taking my credit cards out, setting them aside, and continued to look through all the pockets, as well as at my checks that had their very own little compartment on the side.

"Andi, tell me you don’t have checks with beakers on them?" She eyed me, showing me her find. I grinned sheepishly. She shook her head, and continued to look.

Yip, yip, yip!

With a sigh, I stood, seeing what was Bunsen’s problem. He stood on his hind legs at the window, barking at some kids riding by on their bikes.

"What’s up with that, little dude? You’ve seen kids before." I picked him up and headed into the kitchen. "You know, I was thinking."

"You weren’t?" Haley grinned.

"I was. Maybe we can hit the dojang early, then we can get some good sparring in." Haley’s face lit up.

"You’re so on. I still need to pay you back from last time." She began to quickly put everything back in my wallet. "Let me grab a quick shower, and we’re off."

* * *

The days flew by, Haley and I together so often, our friendship growing stronger day by day. It felt like the early days when were young and carefree. Well, mostly. Oh, to go back to those days. Everything had seemed so intense then, worrying about getting into college, and the Biology test next week, and what sort of stupid comments I’d hear from some popular asshole at school.

A lifetime ago it seemed, now. None of that mattered anymore, all of it gone. Well, almost all of it. I had a very huge reminder, but I didn’t mind so much.

After I had had that dream of what had happened between Haley and I earlier in the summer, I had thought about it often, wondering what would have happened had we both not freaked out, and if we would have had the maturity to deal with it. Would it have mattered? Haley headed off to college not long after, anyway. Would she just have gone off to school, met other people, older, more sophisticated people, and forgotten about me? I like to think that wouldn’t have been the case, but when you’re young, you see the world through such different eyes.

Things were different now. I was different now. So was she. Her days of experimentation long over with, and my days of confusion long over with. Or were they?

I found myself thinking about Haley all too often these days, sitting on my back porch, watching the squirrels run up and down the huge tree I had back there, Bunsen barking up a storm, and I, staring off into space. No, not into space, into the past. Into my memories, stealing from them to feed my present.

What was I doing? Who the hell was I kidding? Certainly not me; that was the problem with being so damn logical.

The sky was gray as I headed to work in early September. A lot of rain was expected today, and none too soon. It had been unseasonably dry over the last few months, and I was excited to see the moisture come. I hated all this dry crap. I felt sorry for the folks in the west with their droughts and wildfires all summer.

There was a bit of a pep to my step as I headed toward the lab. Today was an interesting milestone for me, though it was kept top-secret quiet. Only me and the woman who bore me knew about it.

"Good morning, Dr. Littman." Samantha Torres smiled as I walked in.

"Hey there. How goes it?" I smiled back, feeling rather swell today.

"Great. You?"

"Can’t complain. Well, I could, but to what end?" My colleague stared at me as through I’d grown an extra nose. "What?"

"Nothing. You’re just in rare form today. I wondered if you’d run over a small child on the way in." I pretended to laugh, my hand on my stomach.

"Oh, Sam, you’re killing me! You are so in the wrong profession. Paula Poundstone, watch out." She chuckled, waving me off as she turned back to her work. I chuckled all the way into my office.

Yeah, it was a good day.

The day began to speed by, lunch coming quickly, though I hardly noticed as I immersed myself in my work. We were so close to a major breakthrough. Sometimes I wished I didn’t have to leave the lab at all. If not for Bunsen, and my self-proclaimed mother, I wouldn’t have to leave.

"Hey, you. Ready?"

Speak of the devil, and she shall appear, with horns in tact. Well, more like a pen behind her ear than a horn.

"Yup." I noticed the brown bag in Haley’s hand as I stood from my desk chair. She had managed to coax me out of the lab for lunch, and to doctor’s lounge on my floor. "What’cha got there?" I asked, indicating the bag.

"Lunch. Come on."

We got ourselves settled in, and Haley handed me the bag, setting her own on the table. She had resorted to bringing me a lunch everyday because she knew I’d never remember to bring my own, and rare was it that I’d actually venture out to the cafeteria to get something. Truth be told, I didn’t care enough about food to bother when I was working.

I walked over to the vending machine and bought us our sodas- Dr Pepper for me, and Coke for Haley.

"Thanks. Now eat. I don’t have a whole lot of time today."

"Oh? Why’s that?" I sat, grabbing the brown bag, and reaching inside. My brows drew as I felt two individually wrapped sandwiches.

"Eh, I just have some stuff to take care of after work."

"Oh. What the," I drew the sandwiches out, and was struck to see that they were cut into two shapes. One was round, and the other an odd, humpy-shape. I turned it around and realized it was the number 3. I put it with the circle, and realized Haley had cut my sandwich into what looked to be the number 30.

"Mo." Haley grinned, turning my hand so the 3 looked like a curvy M.

"Are you saying I’m a cow?" she chuckled, chewing on her own sandwich.

"Maybe ‘om’?" she asked, sipping from her Coke.

"Yeah, maybe. How did you know?" I asked, turning the 3 the right way.

"Know what?"

"That today was my old day."

"Old? Andi, you’re only 30."

"Yeah, old." She sat back, putting her hand on her hip.

"Excuse me, honey, but I’ve been 30 for nine months."

"Okay, so you’re old and nine months." She glared, I grinned, taking the sandwiches out of their bags, and slowly peeling the edge of the bread up.

"It’s your favorite, though after that it should have been tuna and cyanide." I sniffed. "Eat, woman!" I grinned, and took a bite.

"Thank you." I mumbled around the food. "How did you know?"

"Well, you know about a month back or so when I was being nosey and looking through your wallet?"

"Ah, damn. You know, I had told the lady at the driver’s license place to not put that on there."

"Your old date?"

"That would be the one." She smiled, then reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

"Happy birthday, Andi." I smiled at her, truly touched.

"Thanks."

"Are you free tonight?" I nodded as I finished off the 3. "Good. Come by my place around six. I’m making you dinner."

"Thus, the after work thing?" She grinned, nodding. "I see. Pretty sure I’d accept, huh?"

"Of course."

"Good. Cause I do."

* * *

I looked down at myself as I stood on Haley’s front porch. I had decided to look a little nice, wearing khakis and a button up shirt. I reached out my hand, and knocked. Within a few seconds I heard her walking toward the door. I put a smile on my face.

The door opened, but only a crack. Haley stared out at me. I stared back.

"Um, hi?" She smiled, and swung the door open.

"Surprise!" I took a step back, my heart pounding at the chorus of voices that quickly went into a rendition of Happy Birthday, led by Haley. I looked at her, not sure what to do, then looked back into her place, seeing my mother, Clive, Chris and his wife, Kendall standing with the Torrini’s, Samantha.

"What did you do? Okay, I came, I saw, I left," I turned to start walking away when Haley reached out, grabbing the back of my shirt.

"Oh, no you don’t!"

I turned around and was herded into the house, suddenly surrounded by those that meant the most to me. My mom was laughing. I pointed a finger at her.

"You knew about this, didn’t you?" She grinned. "Busy tonight, my ass."

"Happy birthday, sweetie." She grabbed me in a huge hug. I made my rounds, hugging everyone, even a very surprised Samantha.

"Thanks for coming, though you know I’ll get you fired for this." She laughed.

"Dr. Littman, I’d like you to meet my fiancé, Curtis." A good-looking guy was smiling at me, his hand extended to me.

I looked at Dr. Torres.

"Call me Andi, Samantha." She smiled, putting her hand on Curtis’ back.

"Nice to meet you, Curtis." I said. He smiled, wishing me birthday wishes. The next thing I knew, I was being nearly bowled over by a very excited ten-year-old.

"Happy birthday to you, you look like a monkey, and smell like one, too!" I hugged the girl tightly to me.

"Yeah, you should know, you little beast." She giggled, looking up at me with her gap-toothed grin.

The party got going until Haley called everyone to sit at the long table she had brought in from somewhere. It nearly took up her entire living room. I, of course, was sat at the head of the table, and Haley tied a plastic bib around my neck that read Birthday Girl.

I was shocked as she served everyone lobster, and all the fixings. She sat to my left.

"Oh, Haley. You shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble." I felt so guilty. I knew this had to cost her a fortune. She smiled, patting my arm.

"You’re worth it. Besides, how many times does your best friend turn 30?"

I just smiled at her. Yeah, life was good.

We all got a good laugh as the cake was served. It was chocolate with gray icing, a large candy tombstone sticking out of the top with Over the Hill written on it with black icing.

"You are going to die, you know." I told Haley as she lit all 30 candles she’d put in it.

"Sure. We all will someday." She smiled sweetly, then once again, led everyone in Happy Birthday.

"I can’t thank you enough for this, Haley." I told her as we stood together, eating cake. She looked at me for a moment, then smiled.

"You’re very welcome, Andi. You are worth all this. I know you; did you have any plans for tonight?"

"Hell no."

"See that? I could not stand by and let you just let your 30th birthday slip by. Any birthday, for that matter."

"Thanks. This is, by far, the best birthday I’ve ever had."

"Aw," Her face crumbled, and it looked like she’d cry. "Thanks."

"Gift time!" someone yelled, which of course got everyone into a ruckus. I looked at Haley again, and she grinned, that little mischievous look that got me worried.

I got lots of wonderful gifts, gag and real. One of the best was from my daughter. I opened up the red and blue Koosh ball that she was obviously so proud of.

"Since it’s your favorite toy," she said, a huge smile plastered on her face. Everyone just thought it was adorable, but I could hear the evil chuckle coming from Haley.

"Thank you, honey." I knelt down, taking the girl into my arms, and squeezing her tight.

"This is from me, Andi." I looked up to see Haley handing me a wrapped gift, shaped awfully funny. I took it, and tore into it, staring blankly at a stainless steep potato masher. I looked at her, confused, when it all came back to me. I gave her a crooked grin.

"Gee, thanks."

"Well, I figured after all this time, you might need a new, sturdier model."

"But Andi doesn’t cook," Kendall chimed in, obvious confusion on her face. Oh, boy. How to explain this one.

"Well, I love mashed potatoes, hon."

"Oh."

It took a while, but finally everyone filed out, leaving me with hugs and best wishes for a good new year. The place seemed so quiet and empty now.

"Wow. Some party, huh?" Haley said, picking up some trash off the floor. I began to help her clean up.

"Yeah. I still cannot believe you did that, Haley Corregan."

"What’s not to believe? Oh, hang on." She hurried to her office, coming out with a wrapped box, small, maybe six inches high by four inches wide. "Here. This is my real gift to you."

"Oh, Haley, no. This was enough." I said, indicating the party decorations, and what was left of dinner and cake. She smiled, saying nothing. Just holding the gift out to me. With a sigh of guilt, I took it, bringing it up to my ear to shake it.

"No! Don’t do that."

"Oh, okay." Carefully peeling the wrapping paper off, I saw the edge of something hard and clear, plastic. I tore a main section of paper off, and sucked in a breath.

"Suki,"

Quickly, but carefully, shredding the rest of the paper, I stared in disbelief at the Beanie Baby that had been so beloved to me before my ex’s dog had torn it to pieces. I looked up at an expectant Haley. "How did you, where did you find this?"

"Oh, a website or three billion." She smiled, I stared in awe. He was tucked safely inside a hard plastic keepsake box, the top part of it able to lift off when two small latches were unsnapped on the bottom. "You like him?" I nodded dumbly.

"God, yes. This is way too much. My god." I set the box on the table, and rushed her with a huge hug, knocking the wind out of her.

"Whoa. Guess you do like it." I smiled as I hugged her tight.

"Thank you," I whispered in her ear.

"You’re welcome," she whispered back.

Combined parts 14 & 15

It was Saturday night, and Haley’s turn to feed me. We had started having dinner at our houses Saturday nights, switching every other week. I held my gifts under my arm; a bottle of white, a homemade pumpkin cheesecake in honor of Thanksgiving, coming up in just over two weeks, plus a bouquet of her favorite flowers- African violets.

As I headed up the walkway to Haley’s townhouse, I sniffed the air, loving the smell of fireplaces and wood-burning stoves. The air was frigid, but the snow had yet to start falling, which was odd for us this time of year.

I balanced all my goodies, and raised my hand to knock when I stopped, brows drawn as I listened; a smile spread across my lips when I realized that what I was hearing was piano music. Haley was playing. I missed hearing her play.

With a contented sigh, I knocked. The music stopped suddenly, and I heard footsteps coming to the door, when suddenly it was opened.

"Hi." Haley met me with a huge grin, I smiled back.

"Howdy. These are for you." I held out the flowers to her, and Haley put a hand to her chest.

"Oh, Andi. Thank you. God, you are so sweet." She headed back into the house, which was filled with delicious odors, and I followed, happily. I set the wine and dessert on the breakfast bar, then headed to the piano to see what the music was that Haley had been playing.

There was sheet music open on it.

"What’s this?" I asked, leaning in to read the title, written in pencil, as the whole thing was. "Outcome. Hmm."

"Oh, uh, it’s just something I’ve been working on."

"It’s yours?" I turned to see Haley standing in the archway of the kitchen, smiling shyly. She nodded. "Would you play for me?"

"It’s not finished yet."

"I don’t care. I’d like to hear what you’ve got."

She hesitated. "Okay." She walked over to the piano, lifting the lid, and sat down on the smooth, wood piano bench.

"Wait, before you start, what is this, exactly? What is Outcome?"

"Well," Haley took a deep breath, then turned around on the bench to face me. "It’s actually about ... us." I looked at her, surprised, and beyond curious. "Tell me if you can recognize the parts of it, okay?" She looked shyly up at me, which was so strange coming from her. She was always so confident about everything she did. This intrigued me even more.

"Okay. I’ll do my best."

She turned on the bench, stretching her fingers a few times, for what seemed like nervousness to me, and then placed them on the keys, and began to play.

The song started out slow, the notes low and staccato. As I listened, my mind began to reel back, and I saw those first days when I had just been Haley’s physics tutor, and distant admirer. Then the music began to get a little louder, a little faster, and suddenly had the feeling of fun. I felt light, a smile coming to my face as I remembered us being crazy and nutty in the middle of the night, our midnight Wal-Mart raid on Haley’s eighteenth birthday.

I reached out, putting my hand on Haley’s shoulder, needing that contact with her as the memories rushed me. Our midnight phone calls and IM sessions.

I was torn from my thoughts and memories when the melody changed again. Suddenly the notes became long, deeper, almost ... what was the word? Yeah, sensual. The feeling of Haley’s body against mine, the heat of the fire next to us as we kissed in my mother’s basement. The sound of our sighs, the nervousness and arousal, all mixing together to create one of the most intense moments of my life.

I closed my eyes as I let the music flow through me, fill me, and make me feel.

My eyes opened when I heard the notes tumbling over each other, falling quietly from the higher notes and getting louder as she progressed down the scale until the last one, low, full, final, was banged on the piano, and held. Just one note, loud, deep, melancholy, and full of pain. I knew what that was. After the note faded, the song began again in another key, which caught my heart, turning it into a lump in my throat.

Haley’s fingers slowed on the keys, her body gently swaying as she played. Looking down, I could see her eyes were closed.

I wondered if this represented how she had felt after that weekend, or was this the time between then and now? The time when we were not even much of a thought in the other’s life, except as just maybe a friend we both once knew.

The song began to almost start over again, but in the same, lower key as the previous long stretch, until finally, suddenly, Haley stopped playing.

I looked down at her, wondering why.

"That’s it," she said, her voice low, quiet, her back still to me as she rested her hands on the keyboard. "What did you see as I played?" Still, Haley kept her back to me.

I took a deep breath, trying to get myself together after being so abruptly taken from my world of the past; the lack of music deafening.

"Well, at first, when it was slow, almost unsure, I felt the beginning, you know, when I was just tutoring you?" She nodded. "Then it got going a bit, faster, fun. I guess that’s the word that immediately came to mind; fun." I smiled at the memory. "I saw us bumming around town, or at the mall, just being nutty. That was when we were friends." Again the nod. "Then," I stopped.

"Then?" Haley slowly closed the lid on the keyboard, and stood, facing me, the piano bench between us.

"Then Spring Break weekend. Intense, heavy, sensual. Then you stopped, suddenly, abruptly, powerfully. That was when you left for school, I’m guessing. Or after that weekend." I ran a hand through my hair, still shaky after the memories. "Then there was a long, almost sad, stretch, a different key for a different time. I took that for either how you felt after the weekend, or the stretch of time between then and now. And finally, the song came full circle. You began to play the first part over again, but still in that different key, as it is a very different time."

Haley smiled, nodding. "Yes. You got it." My stomach suddenly was filled with butterflies, flapping their wings to tickle my insides.

"How does it end? What is the outcome?" I asked, my voice low as I stared into Haley’s eyes. She stared back, steadfast and strong.

"It hasn’t been written yet. I told you it was unfinished." Her voice was equally low, yet the sound sent the butterflies on hyper drive.

As I stared at her, the remnants of "Outcome" still lingering in my head, I felt myself begin to lean just a bit, like a magnet, pulled toward Haley, drawn. My mind and my body, or was that my heart? raged a battled against each other. My eyes darted from hers down to her mouth, then back up again. Closer, closer-

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

"I’ll get that." Haley nearly ran into the kitchen to get the oven, the timer going off.

I took a deep breath, trying to get my racing heart and breathing under control. Oh my god. What did I just almost allow myself to do? Never, ever again.

I literally shook myself to clear my head, running an extremely nervous hand through my hair. Nervous, hell, it was shaking. So was I.

Taking one final breath, I headed toward the kitchen, where Haley was placing a pan on the counter, pan-holder mittens on either hand.

"Need some help?" I asked, grateful that my voice sounded normal. She glanced up briefly from starting to cut up the chicken breast.

"Yeah. Pop the cork in the wine, will you?"

"Sure." She pointed toward a drawer to her left, so I walked over to it, finding the corkscrew, and carrying it, and the wine, over to the table.

Maybe wine hadn’t been such a good idea after all.

Haley began to bring different dishes to the table as I poured our wine. Neither of us said a word. I think we had both needed the distance from each other. I know I did.

"Hungry?" Haley asked, taking a seat opposite mine.

"Yeah." I said enthusiastically as I scooted myself in closer to the table. "This looks so good, Haley." She had made one of my favorite chicken dishes; stuffed chicken, with her own special bread dressing inside. My mouth watered just thinking about it.

As we ate, I thought back to the song again.

"That was truly beautiful, Haley." She looked up at me, bite halfway to her mouth. "Outcome." She smiled.

"Thank you."

"When did you write that? Well, start it, anyway."

"Twelve years ago. After I left for college, I was sitting in my dorm one night, the electric keyboard my parents had bought for me sitting beside me on the bed. The tune popped into my mind, so I grabbed the keyboard, some paper and a pencil, and I began to write." She sipped from her wine. "I only got to the end of the first part, and I put it away. At that time, that’s as far as the story had gotten."

"And the rest?"

"Once I came back. I saw you, and I thought about it. I peck at it after work, sometimes writing things down while I’m at work, then coming home to see if they’ll fit into the existing piece." I grinned.

"Gee, and all this time I thought you were the consummate professional." She glared at me good-naturedly.

"Ha ha." She ate another bite of chicken, followed by a forkful of green beans. We both fell silent as we continued to eat. I wondered where Haley’s thoughts were, because I sure knew where mine were.

I had no idea that our friendship, and the ultimate deterioration of it when we were kids, meant that much to her. I guess I’d always figured she’d seen it as just one of those things. Pretty much how I’d seen it, for the most part. I mean, regardless if Haley would have come back into my life, she would have had a special place in my heart, whether I had realized it or not. She had begun the journey of self-understanding for an ill-equipped, young kid who was trying to walk on wobbly, inexperienced legs.

Through Haley, I had begun to question my true direction in life. Perhaps not my professional direction, but certainly that of my heart.

"So, are you enjoying your breast meat?"

I nodded with a grin. "I’ve always enjoyed breast meat." Haley looked at me, bite halfway to her mouth.

"Oh? Have you had breast meat often?"

"Eh, now and then, sure." Haley grinned, getting into the game.

"Do prefer white meat, or dark meat?"

"White meat, generally." I answered, sipping from my wine.

"Have you ever had dark meat?"

"I have." She looked at me, surprised.

"Really? And how is it different?"

I shrugged, cutting my chicken into smaller pieces.

"Different background, texture, and a different taste." I popped a bite into my mouth.

"Is that so?" I nodded.

"And you? Have you ever had dark meat?"

"No. I prefer white meat."

I looked at Haley for a moment, brows drawn, head low. "Haley, are you dark meat prejudiced?" she chuckled, shaking her head.

"Not at all. Everyone has their preference, right?" I grinned, nodding.

"Indeed." She began to butter a dinner roll, watching the progress of her knife. "So, Andi, who was your first piece of meat?"

I chuckled, cutting some more chicken.

"Well, it was the middle of my sophomore year in undergrad. Her name was Alecia. Alecia Haskell. She was a bit older than I was, and had already graduated from Carlton."

"How did you meet?"

"I used to go to this little whole-in-the-wall diner to study, and she was a half-owner of it. They were short on help one night so she had to cover, and we got to talking." I shrugged. "The rest is history."

"How long did it last?"

"Hmm," I sighed as I ate some green beans, thinking back. "I guess six months?"

"What happened?"

"Well, she got tired of me studying all the time. See, she was already past that part in her life, and had no patience for someone else who was trying to make their mark at school and in life."

"Ah, I see."

"Plus, I think she really just wanted someone who she could play like a puppet; you know, tell what to do, when, where and why." Haley looked at me strangely, her nose wrinkled in distaste.

"How on earth did you end up with someone like that?"

"Hey, I was just trying this whole woman thing out. I was impressed with her knowledge at first."

"Okay. Understandable. Then who?"

"Well, let’s see. Alecia, then I think it was Nina. But that was just a fling. There was no way I was interested in getting sucked into another relationship."

"What, were you two like fuck buddies, or something?" Haley grinned, finishing off the rest of her wine, and sitting back in her chair, an empty plate in front of her. I nodded.

"Essentially."

"How long?"

"Off and on for about a year. It just made things easy with school. No worries, no pressures, just fun when I wanted it. I think we actually only went out on three real dates. We both realized that we liked each other in bed far more than during the day." I chuckled at the thought. "I’m not real proud of that situation, and it definitely wouldn’t be something I’d tell Kendall about." We both smiled.

"Here honey, this is what’s called a fuck buddy." Haley teased, I laughed.

"Her mother would have my ass."

"Okay. So, after that year. And why did it end, anyway?"

"I graduated."

"Oh."

"Then there was Cassandra. The dark meat." I grinned, Haley nodded understanding while pouring herself, and me, some more wine. "She was probably one of the sweetest women I had ever met. We tried a relationship, but her parents hated me because I was white. It was a real mess, and didn’t last long at all. It was also her dog who killed Suki."

"Well, damn her." I chuckled.

"Yeah. After that it was Erin." I put my fork down, finished. I stood, grabbing my plate, and gathering up Haley’s dishes, walking to the kitchen. "How about you?" As I loaded the dishwasher, Haley began to tell her tale.

"Well, I didn’t date much at all for the first little bit that I was in school, actually, I had my first date at the beginning of my junior year."

"Why so long?" I asked as I cut us slices of my cheesecake.

"I don’t know. I think I had had enough of guys from high school, and sex, and the whole nine yards. I wanted to just concentrate on school, my friends and my family."

"That’s honorable." I headed back to the table with our dessert. "Here you go, madam."

"Thank you." I sat down, and glanced over at her. She was looking at the cheesecake, then looked up at me. "So, did you and Sara Lee have fun with this?"

"I’ll have you know, that is homemade from scratch." She pointed her fork at me.

"You made this? All by your lonesome?"

"Just me and Bunsen."

"Well, I’m not so sure I want to eat anything that has Bunsen’s seal of approval on it."

"Yeah, well his only contribution was licking the crumbs off the floor." She chuckled, and bent down to sniff the cheesecake. I watched, fascinated.

"Cyanide doesn’t have a smell,"

"Would you just eat the damn thing?"

Haley grinned, and cut a bite with her fork. With one last sniff, she stuck it in her mouth, her jaw moving as she swished it around in her mouth, as if she were tasting a fine wine. Then, without a breath, she lunged at the cheesecake.

Shaking my head in amusement, I began to eat my own dessert.

"So, continue."

"Oh, yeah. This is excellent, by the way, Andi. Generally I’m not a huge fan of pumpkin anything, but you can make this for me anytime." I laughed.

"Great. I’ll be your personal dessert maker."

"Hey, works for me." She took another bite, chewing slowly before continuing with her list. "So, in my junior year I met Kevin."

"How did that go?"

"It didn’t. I mean, we dated for a while, I’d say maybe a year, but he was really just an ass. I was his token girlfriend, you know? Just some eye candy for his friends to be jealous of. Certainly not a meaningful relationship."

Having finished the cheesecake, Haley licked her finger and began to pick up all the little crumbs left on the plate.

"Um, Haley? There is more cheesecake, you know?" She looked up at me, a smile immediately coming to her face. "Want more?" She nodded, grinning like an adorable little idiot as she did. Chuckling at her antics, I grabbed her plate, and headed to the kitchen.

"Then after graduation, I had no intention of dating for a little while. I think Kevin had ruined that for me. Maybe that’s why I had been so drawn to Lonnie." I set the plate in front of her.

"What do you mean? His pureness of heart?" She nodded.

"Yeah. He was just so nice and sweet, and so completely opposite of Kevin. I really think I had to get the last bit of high school out of my system with him, you know? He was so much like Brad it was scary."

"Ew."

"Tell me about it. Anyway, you know the story behind Lonnie. After that whole fiasco, I met Isaac, who I actually still see from time to time. Well, when I was in California, anyway. Neither of us were looking for anyone to date, but if something comes up and we need a date, like the holidays, or something, we’d give each other a buzz."

I sat back in my chair, completely stuffed now, and wondering how on earth Haley was eating that second piece of dessert.

We talked more about our lives through the years, and then I helped her clean things up. It was late, and I was stuffed and tired.

It was nearly midnight by time I got home. I unlocked the door, a smile of contentment on my face. How was it that I enjoyed my time with Haley no matter what it was that we did? We could sit on the couch, neither of us saying a word, watching TV or a movie or something, and I felt at peace, and happy. Never in my life had I experienced that.

Except with her.

I headed toward Bunsen’s room, opening the door to let him out so I could take him out to go to the bathroom outside.

"Hello, boy. How are you?" I picked up his excited, wiggling body, trying to hug him as he snorted in excitement. "Come on, big guy. You need to poop." I carried him over to the backdoor, and let him out.

As I headed toward my bedroom to get ready for bed, I passed the stereo, seeing a Linda Eder CD laying on top. I turned the power on, and loaded the disk, standing there as her voice came through the speakers, loud and clear, full of beauty and talent. Without a thought, my hand went to the track button, and I pushed it until I got to song number twelve.

The slow, sensual tones of "Unusual Way" began, Linda humming with it.

In a very unusual way, one time I needed you.

In a very unusual way, you were my friend.

Maybe it lasted a day,

Maybe it lasted an hour.

But somehow it will never end.

In a very unusual way, I think I’m in love with you.

In a very unusual way, I want to cry.

Something inside me goes weak,

Something inside me surrenders.

You’re the reason why,

You’re the reason why.

You don’t know what you do to me,

You don’t have a clue.

You can’t tell what it’s like to be me,

Looking at you.

It scares me so,

That I can hardly speak.

In a very unusual way, I owe what I am to you.

When at times it appears I won’t stay,

I’d never go.

Special to me in my life,

Since the first day that I met you.

How could I ever forget you,

Once you had touched my soul.

In a very unusual way,

You made me whole.

My eyes closed, I listened to those words, felt them to my very soul, and for just a moment, I thought I might cry.

Turning the stereo off, I let the dog in, turned out all the lights, and went to bed.

* * *

I pulled on my long leather jacket, knowing I’d need it tonight. It was early December, and winter was upon us with a vengeance. We had thirty-six inches of the white stuff fall within the last week, and I was loving every minute of it.

Pulling my gloves on, I closed the door to my house, and headed toward my Jeep to go pick Haley up.

It was her thirty-first birthday, and I really hoped she’d like what I had planned for her. It wasn’t a big party like she’d done for me, but then this wasn’t a milestone birthday for her, either. Plus, I had to admit selfishly, I wanted tonight just to be us.

The last few weeks had gone so quickly, as holidays tend to do. I had gone to my mom’s house for Thanksgiving, and Haley and her family had had their own dinner that I had helped Haley prepare, at her house. She didn’t want her mother to have to take on that burden when she had so much to go already with her father’s failing health. Tim Corregan was getting worse, but I kept telling Haley to keep hope.

Everyday I was at work I was getting closer and closer to something that could possibly be useful to MS sufferers everywhere. I just hoped it would work out.

I looked at the clock in the dashboard, relieved to see that I was on time. Work had gone over today, and I had only thirty minutes to get ready once I got home. My hair was still slightly damp, but I knew it would dry at the restaurant. I was taking her to her favorite place in the world to eat, Landlocked Sea. According to Haley they had the best crab cakes anywhere this side of Maine.

I slowly made my way down the driveway. I hadn’t shoveled off yet, and nearly had to put the Jeep in 4-wheel drive. But, finally I was on my way, and feeling good about what I had planned.

The drive to her place took a bit longer than usual, so I tried to hurry as fast as I could. I had a schedule to keep.

I reached my hand out, knocked on the door, which was opened immediately.

"Damn. Were you waiting by the door?" I asked with a grin. Haley smiled.

"Well, you know."

"So, anyway. Hi!" My smile was huge, pretty much from ear to ear.

"Hello. Aren’t you the happy clam?" Haley asked, a matching smile on her face. I nodded.

"Yup." I looked at her, noting the thick sweater, black khakis and peacoat. "You look nice and warm."

"I am. Per your orders. So, what’s on your mind, Miss Andi?"

I shook my head. "Not yet. Come on."

Haley pulled her door shut, and followed me to the Jeep. As we drove, we were both silent, but when Haley got the notion of where we were headed, she began to perk up.

"Wait, wait, are we, is it," I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. "It is!" I smiled over at her.

"Well, it is your favorite place to eat."

"Oh, yeah? And how do you know that?"

"A little birdie told me." I parked and pulled the emergency break.

"And what was this little birdie’s name?" Haley put her hand on my back as we walked to the building, our breath coming out in white puffs.

"Um, Tweety?" She grinned at me, her hand rubbing small circles in my back. The contact felt good. I never saw myself as much for affection, but like so many things, that had changed.

I opened the door to the restaurant, and we were met with a lobby loaded with people waiting for tables on a Friday night.

"Oh my god." Haley muttered.

"No worries." I headed up to the hostess, told her my name, and with a bright smile, she called for the waitress that had been put aside especially for us. The young girl led us toward the back of the place to a more isolated, quiet table. I smiled as I saw the balloons that had been put up all around it, tied to the chairs and the table leg.

"Oh, Andi." I heard chuckled behind me. "No one knows it’s a birthday or anything." I grinned back at her.

We were seated, and our waitress smiled as us both. "What can I get you ladies to drink?"

"Well," Haley glanced at me. "Since I’m not the one driving, I’ll have a glass of white."

"Okay. And for you, ma’am?"

"A virgin strawberry daiquiri."

"Good choices. I’ll be right back." I watched her hurry through the maze of tables toward the kitchen, then turned to Haley, who was already looking at me.

"This is really nice, Andi." I sat back in the comfortable chair, and grinned.

"I’m glad you like it."

We sat in silence for a moment. I stared at the candle that was lit in the center of our table, watching as the flame bounced around from the unfelt movement of air currents.

"You do know what they say, don’t you?" I looked up at Haley, her voice surprising me.

"What’s that?"

"The way to a woman’s heart is her stomach?"

"I thought that was a man’s heart?"

She shrugged, sitting back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest.

"Well, true, but I’m known as quite the food slut." I chuckled.

"Is that so?"

"That is so."

"Here you are, ladies." The waitress sat a huge frozen drink in front of me, and a glass of wine in front of Haley. "Are you ready to order yet?" I looked at Haley.

"I’d like the crab cakes, please."

"Alright. What kind of vegetable did you want with that?"

"New potatoes, please."

"Ma’am?" She turned to me.

"The smoked salmon, please."

"Okay. Coming right up." She smiled sweetly, and left us again.

"Nice girl." Haley said, watching her as she hurried away.

"Yes." I agreed. "I would never want to a waitress. Hard work."

"No, kidding. I did it very briefly in college." I looked at Haley.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah. It sucked."

"I bet you were good at it, though." I grabbed my drink, thankful that I didn’t get one with alcohol in it. With the sheer size of this thing, I would have been under the table halfway through it.

"Eh, I did okay." She shrugged. "Tips were always decent." Haley sipped from her wine.

"Why did you only do it briefly?"

"Because it sucked." I laughed. "And because my scholarship came through, you know, the living expenses."

"Oh, I see how it is. You try to make this seem so pitiful, when you only needed to do it briefly." I stirred my drink with the straw, taking the little plastic sword out of it, biting the pieces of fruit off of it.

"Yeah, but is sounds better the pitiful way."

I shook my head, chuckling. "You, my friend, are a nut."

"Here you are, ladies." The waitress brought our salads, covered with the yummy house dressing.

There was silence as we both dug into the food. I, for one, hadn’t eaten all day, save for the bagel I’d grabbed earlier in the morning. And as for Haley, who I knew had eaten a well-balanced breakfast, as well as lunch, she was just a food slut.

"I love their salad." Haley hummed, happily munching on her greens.

I glanced at my watch. Must keep on schedule.

"What time is it?"

"Nearly seven-thirty."

Haley finished her food, and pushed the plate away, smiling at me. I looked at her.

"Yes?"

"Okay. I’m ready for more." I chuckled, pushing my own salad away. She looked at it, the bit I’d left. "You’re not going to finish that? How dare you leave such a great salad to go to waste."

"Well, if I finish my salad, there’s no way I can finish my salmon."

"Wuss." She grabbed the plate, and began to chow down. I shook my head, astounded.

"Are you pregnant, or something?" she laughed.

"Yeah, right. Aren’t there certain physical conditions that need to be met for that?"

"Oh yes, virginal one." She grinned.

"Salmon?" The waitress, who seemed to just appear, placed my dinner in front of me. "Careful. The plate is hot. And crab cakes." Haley was grins from ear to ear.

"Thank you." She smiled at us.

"Can I get you anything else?" The waitress looked from one of us to the other.

"Nope. I think we’re good to go." I said. With one last smile, she left.

"Wow. Does this ever look excellent." Haley smiled at her meal, then at me. "Thanks, Andi." She picked off the little sprig of mint leaf.

"Anytime."

Not another word was spoken as we both dug into our meals, swapping bites, and closing our eyes in utter delight. The service was superb, the food divine, and the night perfect. I couldn’t have written it better myself.

Finally, empty plates sat before us both. The waitress was back in a flash, almost as if she’d been watching us to see when we’d finish.

"Dessert, ladies?" Haley looked at me with hope in her eyes. I nodded at her.

"Chocolate-raspberry mousse, please?" she asked, the excitement of a child shining in her eyes. God, she was so adorable.

"Ma’am?" Blinking rapidly, I looked up at the waitress’s expectant face.

"Oh, sorry. I’ll have the banana gelato, please." With a smile, she was gone, only to return with a few friends moments later.

I heard the clapping from the other side of the restaurant, and grinned as I knew what was coming. I glanced down at my watch, happy to see they were right on time, then up at Haley. She look confused as she tried to look around the place to see where the noise was coming from. It got louder and louder until ten waiters and waitresses stood around our table, clapping their hands, our waitress standing in front with Haley’s mousse in her hands, a single lit candle in it.

Haley shook her head, for the first time turning completely red.

"No," I smiled, loving her embarrassment at such direct attention. The wait staff began to sing Happy Birthday in harmony with each other. I was impressed; it actually sounded great. Even though Haley looked like she wanted to hide under the table, I could tell she was enjoying it.

They finished their song, all the guys giving her a kiss on the cheek as they walked by, wishing her a happy birthday. I just about died laughing at that. I had no idea they’d do that, but Haley didn’t seem to mind.

When everyone le

ft, she grabbed her spoon, pointing it at me accusingly. I just laughed and began to eat my gelato.

We ate our dessert, and I glanced at my watch again.

"Oh, we have to go. Are you done?" I asked, looking up just in time to see Haley trying to get every single last drop of mousse with her spoon.

I grinned. "Why don’t you lick it?" She looked at me, then around, then back at the dessert dish. With an evil look, she stuck her finger into the glass dish, and ran it all over the inside, catching all those stubborn bits that her spoon just couldn’t catch. Closing her eyes in pleasure as she stuck the finger in her mouth, the smiling at me.

"Yum." I shook my head.

"You are an absolute nut, you know that, Haley?" She nodded.

"That I do."

Our waitress had put our ticket on the table in the little leather binder. Haley swiped it off the table. I just stared at her.

"Ha! I am not about to let you pay for this." She opened the binder to see a piece of paper that simply said, "Thank you, and please come again." She looked at me, confused.

"Why don’t you put that down, and let me give you your present?"

"You mean this wasn’t enough of one? And what’s up with this?" She flashed the paper at me.

"Ah, the wonders of the credit card numbers." She glared at me. "It’s all taken care of, Haley, so get over it."

"Thank you."

"You’re welcome. Happy birthday." I reached into the inside pocket of my jacket, and took out the long envelope I had stashed in there. "Here." I put it on the table in front of her. "You’ve got to make this snappy."

"Okay." She grabbed it, ripping into the paper, and pulling the humorous card out. Reading it, she laughed. "Ha ha. You’re an old hag, too, I hope you know." I smiled. A smaller envelope was inside, and she took it, setting the card down. With a drawn brow, she opened it, and pulled the two tickets out. As she read them, her eyes got huge, and her mouth fell.

"She’s having a Fourth of July concert?" she whispered, looking back at the tickets. "And, oh my god! How did you get backstage passes for Linda? I had no idea she even did that!" She stood from her chair, grabbing me from mine, and tugging me to her. Nearly having the breath knocked, then squeezed out of me, I hugged her back, so happy she liked it.

"I got you two so you could take someone with you." She pulled back from me staring down at them again.

"Third row back, center," It hit her what I had said. "Take someone with me? Are you kidding me? Andi, there is no ‘someone’. It’s you or no one." I had hoped she’d say that. I wanted so badly to experience that concert with her.

"Well, the option is there, okay?" She nodded, then grabbed me in another bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"You’re welcome. Come on, woman. We have to get out of here."

We hurried through the restaurant, and to my glee, the customers were telling her happy birthday as we passed. She took all in stride, being her usual gracious, charming self. At the door, she turned and gave them all a huge bow.

In the car, I turned to her.

"Okay, turn away from me." She did as told, and I took the sleep mask from my jacket pocket, tying the black, satin ties behind her head.

"Oh, Andi. I had no idea you were into the kinky." I grinned.

"You have no idea. Can you see?"

"No. Not really."

"Good. Now just sit back and relax."

"Is this going to hurt?" she asked.

"Maybe. Especially if you peek."

I got the car started, and the heat going strong, as it was really cold in the car, and outside, and I figured it would be best to get her warmed up now.

As I drove, I glanced over at her, and saw that she was resting her head against the back of the seat, the slightest bit of a smile on her face. She looked so relaxed and peaceful, and utterly beautiful. As we had eaten dinner, I had watched her, the way she moved, the way she spoke and her expressions. How was it fair that one woman could be so beautiful and kind, yet intelligent and talented all at the same time? It wasn’t fair.

I cleared my thoughts as I knew I’d start going into dangerous territory, and concentrated on the road. We had just had another storm this morning, so the streets were slick. I was so glad it wasn’t snowing now.

Just up ahead I saw all the lights, as well as our mode of transport, and began to get excited.

I pulled the Jeep up next to the carriage, always in awe at the sheer size of the Clydesdales. Turning to Haley, I quickly untied her blindfold, and shoved it back into the inside pocket of my coat. She opened her eyes, pushing some hair out of her face, her eyes stopping when she saw the horses. In fact, they grew huge.

"Wow," she breathed.

"Come on." I opened my door, and hurried around to the carriage. The driver was waiting for us. He was in a tuxedo, but you could barely see that beneath the layers he wore.

"Good evening, Haley." He smiled at my friend. "Happy birthday, and watch your step." He helped her into the convertible carriage, and then me. I sat in the seat next to her, where we were shoulder to shoulder in the narrow space.

"Where are we?" she asked, looking around.

"Crowsbend," I said, reaching beneath the seat. Bingo. I brought out the thermos. "Hot chocolate?" She grinned, her breath coming out in white puffs.

"My, you do think of everything. Please." I pulled off the top cap that served as a cup, as well as the lid underneath. "Crowsbend? This is a hugely wealthy area."

"Yes it is." The driver urged the horses on, and we began to move. Haley looked like she’d burst when we started going, the little sled-like bottom on the carriage making a soothing swishing sound on the packed snow. I looked behind us to see the tracks they made. Turning back, I saw that Haley’s eyes were everywhere. All the houses were lit up with Christmas lights and scenes in the massive front yards.

"Wow. Look at that. There must be a million little lights in that display. Hey, look!" She pointed to a house we were passing. "Santa is sticking out of one of their five chimneys."

"Yeah." I smiled. "He’s waving at us." I reached my arm up. "Hey, Santa!" I called. Haley giggled, waving, too.

"My god! How many bedrooms do you think that place has?" she asked, pointing to one coming up at the end of the block.

"Jeez, seven? Eight, maybe."

"Wow. I bet my entire condo is the size of just their foyer."

"I hear you. When I was looking to buy a house, I actually looked at a place over here. I could have done it if I never wanted to go out again,"

"Or buy boots."

"Hey, you have to have priorities." She laughed, scooting in closer to me, sharing our body heat as we sipped the hot cocoa.

It was an extraordinary night, being taken throughout the neighborhood, seeing incredible setups in houses and Christmas lights. There was even an obviously Jewish family, as the entire house was lit up with decorations of the Jewish faith. A huge Star of David on the roof, and an outline of a menorah on the lawn, complete with yellow lights to represent the flames. There was even a Santa who was losing his pants as he tried to climb out of a chimney.

We laughed and talked, and pointed, and giggled. I felt like I was ten years old again, yet very much a woman as I felt Haley link her arm with mine, tugging on me to point something out, or leaning her head on my shoulder as we stared at a beautiful house.

"This is magical," she whispered against my neck. I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, trying to memorize every aspect of this for my mental photo album that I could flip through later. I wanted to be able to recall the smell of Haley’s shampoo, the smell of all the fireplaces that were lit in the houses around us, the smoke pouring out into the night, mingling to tickle my nose. I wanted to be able to recall the way the snow looked, the street lights making it look like an orange wonderland as we passed under them. The magnificent beasts that pulled us along, and the driver that talked to them ever so gently, prodding them along to obey his commands.

I leaned my head against Haley’s head, remembering what she had said.

"Yeah." I agreed. "Magical."

Eventually the ride came to an end, and it was time to leave the fairytale, and head back into reality. I gave the driver an extra large tip, which he acknowledged with a smile, and the tip of his hat. Haley and I got back into the Jeep, me turning the heat on full blast, rubbing my gloved hands together. After being out in that for thirty minutes, I was pretty much an Andisicle.

I turned to my passenger to see that peaceful smile from earlier still on her lips.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" She leaned her head back against the head rest, and looked over at me, nodding.

"Definitely. This is truly the best birthday I’ve ever had, Andi. Thank you." I was thrilled.

"You’re very welcome, Haley. And, you, too are worth it." I smiled, she smiled back.

* * *

I smiled when I saw Kendall run out of the house, her purse in her hand. She’d be eleven soon. Where does the time go?

"You know, Andi, I don’t know how I didn’t see it before." Haley said from the passenger seat next to me.

"See what?" I asked her, not taking my eyes off the girl.

"That she’s your daughter. You two have the exact same eyes." I smiled.

"Yeah. I was always so glad she got something of mine."

"Oh, it’s more than just that. She got your mouth, too." She stopped herself short as the door was thrown open, and a little bundle of energy was whisked into the backseat.

"Hi!" she exclaimed, hugging me from behind, wrapping her arms around the head rest to my neck. I squeezed her forearm.

"Hey, you." Then to my surprise, she did the same to Haley. I smiled over at her as Haley was grins from ear to ear. She grabbed my daughter’s arms in return.

"How’s my favorite ten year old?" Haley asked.

"Good." I got the Jeep in gear, and we were on our way to the Mall of America.

"Are you ready for a full day of shopping, kiddo?"

"Yeah! Christmas!" Haley and I both grinned.

"That’s right." Haley turned as far as her seatbelt would allow, and looked back at the girl.

"Honey, is your seatbelt on?" I asked, looking at her through the rearview mirror.

"Yep." Came the enthusiastic reply as she snapped the belt that went over her narrow chest. Soon that chest would be developing. God, where did the time go?

"So, how’s school, Kendall?" Haley asked.

"Ick. I don’t wanna talk about that." I watched the conversation through the mirror, my brows narrowing.

"Why? What’s wrong with school?"

"Stupid boys." She pouted. That’s my girl. I chuckled to myself.

"Oh, yeah? Want to talk about it?" Haley asked, putting her hand on Kendall’s leg. The girl shook her head. "Okay. We don’t have to."

"Andi?"

"Yeah, hon?"

"Can we play a CD?" I glanced over at Haley to see she was already looking at me.

"Uh, sure. Give it to Haley."

She unzipped the small bag she had with her, and handed over a jewel case. Haley took it, sitting in her seat, facing the front.

"Tempo Toys," she read, and glanced at me again. I rolled my eyes. God, I hate boy bands. I glanced over at the cover to see five young guys standing in various poses on the front.

"They’re the coolest!" Kendall gushed, a huge grin on her face.

"Yeah? Which one is your favorite?" Haley showed the case to the girl, and without hesitation, Kendall grinned, showing the hole where one of her front teeth was supposed to be.

"Adam," she said shyly.

"Which one is that?" Kendall pointed to the boy standing in the middle, his feet spread wide apart in a tough-guy stance, one arm outstretched as he pointed a finger at the onlooker.

"He looks like he barely shaves," I muttered. Haley smacked me on the thigh then slid the CD into the player. Immediately I regretted my decision to let this rubbish be played in my car. But, such is the way it goes when you have a ten year old.

"Do you think those sideburns are real?" Haley asked quietly as Kendall began to really jam with the music, singing along. To my amazement, she actually had a great voice for a little turkey. Thank god she didn’t get mine.

I glanced over at the boy Haley indicated, sideburns down to his jawbone.

"No, I think they’re painted on, personally." She grinned.

"Do you remember those god-awful boy bands from when we were young?" she asked quietly. I chuckled.

"Yeah. ’NSYNC and Backstreet Boys."

"Oh, and do you remember that skank Britney Spears?"

"What’s skank mean?"

"Oops." Haley grinned.

"Um, it’s not a nice word, Kendall." I called back to her. The damndest things they hear.

The drive to the mall was long, but luckily Michelle Torrini had had the foresight to send Kendall with a Gameboy and some books. But, finally we got there, and none too soon for a certain ten year olds bladder.

The day was split up into basically three shopping trips. All three of us together buying for Kendall’s parents, and Haley and I shopping for our families, and then Kendall went with Haley so I could get some extras for her, and then Kendall was with me so Haley could shop for me and Kendall.

I had already decided, and had talked with the Torrini’s about, getting Kendall a computer. She was getting to the age where she needed one, especially when they had started using them in school from just about day one. Kendall’s parents didn’t have the money to buy her one, so why not me? They had been thrilled at the idea.

I knew Haley had planned to get her some software for it, and I was picking up a joystick and game for stocking stuffers. I wouldn’t be seeing Kendall this Christmas, which was a week and a half away. That hurt, but it wasn’t my choice, and I had no say. The family was heading out west to spend the holidays with Michelle’s parents in Colorado. I would be having my Christmas with Kendall when they got back.

I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I wanted to have a fun day, and boy did we ever! It was like I was with two ten year olds instead of one. Man, Haley was born to be a mother. She said otherwise, but she’d make a great mom. Funny; she said the same about me.

We ate, we laughed, we shopped until we nearly dropped. Kendall had to be back early today as they were leaving for Colorado tomorrow morning. So, the shopping trip had to be cut a little short.

The girl conked in the car as we drove back to her house. She clutched her Gameboy in one hand, game long forgotten as sleep took over. Haley reached back, turning the power off so the batteries wouldn’t die.

Haley got comfortable in her seat, sighing contentedly.

"Did you hear about the New Year’s party the hospital is putting on?" I asked, my voice quiet so as not to wake Kendall. Haley rolled her head toward me, and nodded. "Are you going?"

"Oh, I don’t know. I’ve thought about it. You?"

"I doubt it. Date required." I grinned.

"Oh, come on, Andi. I can’t imagine that would be a problem for you. I’m sure there are plenty of lonely women running around that hospital." I shook my head.

"Nah. I’m not real fond of flaunting my personal life around."

"Ah. Well, then we could always find you a male to escort you for one night." I laughed.

"Yeah. That would be interesting."

"Um," Haley looked down at her hands, which were fidgeting with each other. "Speaking of dates," She looked out the passenger-side window. "I was asked out on one." Slowly she looked over at me, as if she’d be in trouble, or something.

In truth my stomach had fallen to my knees, but there was no way I could tell her that. She had every right in the world to be happy, and to date.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Who’s the lucky guy?" I concentrated all my attention on the road. I didn’t want her to know that I was bothered in the least. Somehow, wrongly, I felt betrayed.

"His name is Craig. He’s actually a phlebotomist at the hospital."

"I see. A legal vampire." She chuckled.

"Yeah."

"How did this come about? When do you go out?"

"A lady I work with, Cheryl. She’s kind of the old school, and doesn’t think a woman should be alone. That sort of thing." I grimaced.

"What century is she living in?"

"Yeah, I know. I humor her because she’s almost seventy, and thinks she’s my mother or something."

"More like grandmother."

"Be nice."

"So, when do you go?" I glanced over at her, surprised to find myself looking right into blue eyes. I turned away, watching the road. It’s slick, you know.

"Saturday night."

My stomach fell for the second time. That was our night together. Yeah, I was not such a fan of this Craig guy.

"Oh. What do you plan to do?" She sighed, running a hand through her hair, taking it out of its ponytail, and combing her fingers through the dark strands.

"I have no idea. What on earth do you do on a date? It’s been way too long." I smiled.

"Movies? Dinner? Bowling?"

"Bowling sounds like fun. I haven’t done that in forever."

I continue to drive, and Haley continued to talk about this Craig asshole. I didn’t want to think about her going out with someone.

The car filled with silence for a moment, then Haley began to talk about something else. Thank god.

"Have you ever been to California, Andi?" I looked at her, a bit surprised at her choice in subject.

"Nope."

"Have you ever wanted to? I mean, does it hold any interest for you?"

"Sure. It seems like a different planet compared to Minnesota."

"Oh, god, yeah. It was really a shock to come back here," she said, laughing.

"Really?" I glanced over at her.

"Sure. We never saw days like this." She indicated the white wonderland outside the windows. "It’s so beautiful there."

"It always looked it whenever I saw pictures of it, and so many movies take place there. I’ve always wanted to see the Pacific, too."

"Hmm."

* * *

I got a fire started, the temperatures dropping even more, glancing at the clock on the mantle, for about the fiftieth time, before I sat down in my arm chair, book in hand. Bunsen was curled up in his little doggy bed I’d set by the fire to warm up his little Pug body.

With a sigh, I opened the paperback to my marked place, and began to read. Sort of.

I didn’t get it. I used to love these nights where I could sit quietly, drinking water, or hot tea, or even the occasional glass of wine, and just enjoy a book or a good movie, hell, even a good crossword puzzle. Tonight I’d tried them all. The movie had seemed boring and dull, I couldn’t concentrate on the crossword puzzle to get the answers, and the book was quickly losing my interest, though I was trying valiantly, again, to keep going.

I glanced at the clock again. It was just ten after nine, and the world around me had faded to black as night fell, and now the only light now was the flames dancing in the fireplace, and a small wall sconce near my chair to read by. Curling my feet up a little tighter under me, I cleared my throat, and began to read chapter 14.

Never in my life had I had a problem with entertaining myself, and I sure as hell didn’t like the fact that it seemed to be a problem now. I had never needed someone around to make me smile or happy. My books, and research, and games of Literati had all done that for me.

But now? Not so much. It was disturbing, and completely disconcerting.

Ding dong.

I looked up, toward the door, the blackness beyond the etched glass telling me nothing.

I set the book on my chair, and walked toward it, flipping the porch light on as I went. Who would possibly coming around my place at 9:25 p.m. on a Saturday night?

Unlocking and opening the door, I was stunned to see Haley standing there, smiling at me. I stood back, trying to overcome my shock, and suppress my joy. Then I got worried.

"Are you okay?" I asked, taking a step forward, my hand on the door.

"I will be if I can come in. It’s freezing out here."

"Yeah, you know better than that." I stepped back, and she quickly came in, me slamming the door shut behind her. "What are you doing here?"

"What? Don’t you want me here?" she asked with a grin as she unwound the scarf from around her neck, then started on the buttons of her coat.

"Well, sure, but I mean you had your date."

"Oh, yeah." She said, hanging the coat up on the coat tree, and stuffing her discarded gloves in the pockets. "Craig was a real treat." I headed toward the living room, she followed, nearly running me over to sit on the hearth of the fireplace, wrapping her arms around herself. "God, I bet it’s below zero already."

"I’ll get you some hot tea."

"Oh, that sounds nice." She smiled, her teeth still chattering. I quickly poured her a cup from the kettle on the stove, adding just a tad of sugar and honey to it, just how she liked it, and hurried over to her with it.

"Drink." Wrapping her hands around it, she slowly sipped. I pulled the ottoman from my arm chair, and rolled it so I could sit in front of her. "Give me." I grabbed a leg, setting her ankle on my thigh, and taking off snow-caked tennis shoe. "Did you go this casual on your date?" She shook her head.

"No. Went home and changed first."

"Oh." Untying the laces, I took the shoe off, and began to rub her foot, getting some blood and warmth back into it. "So tell me about it."

"Well," she said, taking another sip before setting the cup aside in order to grab the excited Pug who had woken up, and was now demanding her attention. "Craig was nice enough, I guess. But, quite full of himself. He has designs on heading off to medical school and becoming one of the greatest doctors who ever lived." She chuckled at the thought as she held my dog close to her chest, kissing the top of his head, and petting his back.

"Real winner, eh?"

"And then some. This guy had the balls to try and correct me on the amount of schooling I had! Really a prick. I don’t think I got one word in edgewise once he got started on himself. I don’t think he asked me one thing except to pass the salt at dinner. Truly horrible." She grabbed Bunsen’s face, looking into his eyes. "Don’t you ever treat a lady Pug like that, little guy, or you’ll be in big trouble. Got me?"

Snort.

"I think he understands." She grinned, putting him down so he could go back and curl up in his bed. "I have a confession to make, too," she said shyly, glancing at me briefly.

"What’s that?"

"I missed you, missed our Saturday night."

I smiled at her, saying nothing, but beaming inside.

Haley sighed as I put that foot back on the floor, and grabbed the other leg, doing the same to the other foot. She closed her eyes. "That feels so good, Andi."

"Are you warming up any?"

"Mmhmm. You could say that."

I smiled, continuing my ministrations

"Andi?"

"Hmm?"

"When are we going to have our Christmas?" I looked at her to see she was looking at me through half-closed lids.

"Well, I don’t know."

"It’s just that Christmas is four days away, and I’ll be in New York with my family at my brother’s place, and won’t be back until the twenty-seventh. I don’t want to have an after-Christmas."

"Well, how about tonight?" She sat up straight as an arrow.

"Really?" I nodded.

"Sure. Why not?" Pulling her leg away from me, she began to quickly put her shoes back on.

"I’ll go get your stuff and bring it all over." I smiled, loving the way she was the biggest kid I knew.

"Okay. Me and Bunsen will be waiting."

Haley smiled, and hurried toward the door, throwing all her winter gear on, and bursting back out into the cold night. I sat there for a moment, listening to the sound of her car starting up, then it hit me.

Christmas!

I ran to the spare bedroom, Bunsen running after me, barking his little gray and black head off as I grabbed my little four-foot tree with the lights already built into it, and a few boxes of decorations. I hadn’t planned to even bother this year, only have a tree because I had Kendall for Christmas Eve last year.

We ran back out to the living room where I pushed the lamp off the side table by the couch, and set the tree up on it, plugging it in so the lights would start blinking, and doing their business, and I could start throwing colorful balls and tinsel on it. Bunsen had fun, too.

Next I had to get all of Haley’s gifts, arranging them just so. I really hoped she’d like them. I had an envelope, which held her big gift, a huge three by three box, and one smaller gift.

I sat in the chair again, grabbing my book again. Nonchalant was not my strong suit at times, but I was going to do my best. The house was completely dark now, save for the fireplace and the Christmas tree lights, bouncing colorful patterns on the surrounding walls.

I heard Haley knocking.

"Come in!"

The knob turned, and the door opened, with Haley being blown in, quickly closing the door behind her, leaning against it.

"Whew. It’s just not pleasant out there." She stopped, and turned to look toward the light I imagine she saw out of the corner of her eye. A smile quickly spread across her face, and she turned, walked into the living room. "Well, you’ve been busy." She said, walking up to the tree, fingering a few decorations. She turned to me a grinned, nodding her head. "I approve."

"Well, I’m so glad." I smiled, standing. "Who’s going to go first?"

"Why don’t you?"

"Okay." I grinned like a little kid, rubbing my hands together. Haley set down her offerings; two envelopes, one thick, an extremely odd-looking thing that was round, but not, and a small oval box.

"Here." She handed me the odd-looking thing. It wasn’t heavy, per se, but it wasn’t real light, either. I carefully took the wrapping paper off of it, wondering why Haley had bothered wrapping it at all. Finally a little, limp spine came flopping out. I looked up at Haley with a grin on my face. Getting the rest of the paper off, I saw that I held a rainbow colored Koosh that was huge; nearly twice the size of a softball.

"That is one big Koosh." I laughed. "Love the rainbow, too."

"Well, I figured I could help your budding Koosh collection that Kendall started, along."

"Yeah, it got started thanks to you." I laughed. She placed her hand on her chest.

"I remain innocent of all charges."

"Right. Thank you. I think I’ll take this to work and put it on my desk." I threw it up into the air, catching it, then walked over to the tree where I grabbed the small box, handed it to Haley. With the glee of a child, she took it, examining it, feeling its weight, and trying to determine its size. "Would you just open the damn thing?"

Finally she began to carefully peel back the paper until she came to a white box. Slicing the tape with her nails, the box was opened, and she pulled out what was inside. She smiled as she looked a the Beanie Baby, but looked slightly confused.

"Look at the tag." She did, and grinned.

"Siggy Bear, huh?"

"Yes, ma’am. He is one in the new career collection that Beanie has put out."

"So this is their little shrink bear?" I nodded. She hugged me. "Thank you, Andi."

"You’re welcome."

As we proceeded, my next gift was a little booklet that she had put together herself with little coupons for things such as: Good for one pair of boots from Eddie Bauer; Good for one dinner at Landlocked Sea; Good for a free movie night with dinner, and so on.

"Oh, this is nice. So, through this I could have you as my very own personal entertainment slave?" I asked, looking at the booklet.

"In so many words, yes." I grinned.

"I like that idea."

Next Haley opened the big box that sat on the floor. She looked curiously at the slightly smaller white box inside. With a grunt, she lifted it, setting it on the floor in front of the fire. Again, using her handy dandy nails, she got the tape cut, and pulled the flaps of the box open. She looked up at me.

"What is it?"

"Pull it out." She did, flopping it onto the floor. It was large, orange, and had limp string/spine-like things handing off of it. It dawned on her.

"Is it?" I grinned, nodding. "This is like the world’s biggest Koosh!" she looked at it with utter excitement.

"Sit on it."

"No, it isn’t."

"It is." With absolute vigor, she plopped herself down on the bean-Koosh, falling into the softness.

"This is the best. Where did you find this?"

"It took awhile, but when I saw it, I knew you had to have it. Whoa!" I found myself sitting half on the beanbag chair, and half on my friend.

"Isn’t this nice?"

"Yeah." I sighed, reclining back against both. Haley wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

"This is so great, Andi. Thank you." I leaned my head against the side of hers.

"You’re welcome. Come on, we have more to do."

We grunted like old women as we pulled our bodies out of the comfort of the chair.

Next I was handed the little oval box. I took the bow off the top, and lifted the lid, taking out Styrofoam to see a little, crystal Pug sitting at the bottom of the box.

Sucking in a breath, I carefully lifted it out, knowing it was Swarovsky crystal. I set the little guy on my palm, and looked toward the firelight.

"It’s a little see-through Bunsen," I marveled. Haley chuckled, looking at me with expectant eyes. "Thank you." I carefully put the piece back in the box, and grabbed her for a tight hug.

"You’re welcome."

Now it was time for my big one to her. I handed her the envelope, and she opened it quickly, reading the card, which told her in all the words that I didn’t have, how much she meant to me, and how lucky and happy I was that she was in my life.

Haley lowered the card, looked at me.

"Ditto," was all she said, then turned back to the card, and the small envelope that was inside. Once she opened it, and saw the tickets to the Chicago Culinary Institute’s graduation, where you could go, for a hefty fee, and have a huge, gourmet meal prepared for you by the chefs trained at one of the greatest culinary schools in the world.

Haley looked at me, her eyes narrowing.

"Ohhh, you are bad, aren’t you?" she asked, her voice low, sending chills up and down my spine.

"Well, you did say you are a food slut."

"I did, and I am." She walked over to me, taking me in a huge hug, our bodies pressed together as we both just breathed each other in, then I felt her lips on my cheek. "Thank you, Andi," she whispered into my ear. I tried to suppress the shiver that ran through me.

We parted, and she held on to my hand for a moment longer, looking into my eyes before she let go, and turned away, grabbing her final gift from the coffee table, also an envelope.

"Us and our envelopes, huh?" I smiled. So did she as she handed it to me.

"I really hope you like this. I kind of took a gamble, and a sort of liberty, I guess." Haley stood, watching me, her hands behind her back, rocking nervously on her feet.

Intrigued, I carefully opened the card to find a naked Santa looking at me with his traditional red hat covering his gift to Mrs. Claus. I looked up at her.

"Ha ha." She grinned.

"There just aren’t that many naked Mrs. Claus’ out there."

Smiling, I read the card, which of course had a funny message, but what caught me was what Haley had written inside.

Andi,

Thank you for being you, and for letting me be in your life. You have changed me in so many ways over the last fourteen years, and for that I thank you. I hope you’ll always be willing to be in my life.

Love,

Haley

I looked up at her, feeling the slightest bit of a lump in my throat. Without a word, I grabbed her to me, giving her a hug, my eyes closed as I squeezed.

"Always," I whispered.

"Always," she whispered back.

Pulling away from her, I looked at what else was in the card. Having a feeling of what it was, I opened the small paper folder that held two plane tickets. Attached to them on a yellow sticky note read: ‘For when you decide to go to California.’

I looked up at her.

"Haley, this is too much."

"Not at all. I hope you don’t think this is presumptuous of me, but you had said you wanted to see the Pacific. You can take whoever you want, see the state together. Those are good for a year."

"You know I’d take you." Again, we stepped into another hug, but this one wasn’t about to let go anytime soon. I sighed, feeling complete for the first time in my life.

"Merry Christmas, Andi."

"Merry Christmas, Haley."

* * *

Christmas was a lonely affair for me this year, like so many before it. I went to my mom’s house the day of, and of course Chris and his wife were there, and Clive and his family. I enjoyed myself, but truth be told, I wanted to be alone. The worst feeling in the world was to be lonely when in a crowd.

I got home, and went to bed.

* * *

It was New Year’s Eve, and I had a party to go to. When Haley had gotten back from New York, she had come right over to my house, and within the hour she had managed to talk me into going. She said she had the perfect date lined up for me.

Not possible. My perfect date was going on her date with a neurosurgeon named John Severaux.

I couldn’t think about that now. The plan was to have a great time, and I knew I would. I’d rock in the new year, and make it a New Year’s to remember.

Staring at myself in the mirror, I was shocked at what I saw. When we’d been 17, Haley had once told me she’d do anything to see me in a dress. Start thinking of something to do, my friend.

The dress was made of a dull satin, black. The straps were thin, though not spaghetti, the gown reaching near to the floor, covering the two-inch black heels I wore, The plunging neckline showed ample cleavage without looking in poor taste. I turned around, looking over my shoulder at the back, which exposed about half of my back. The gown was very fitted through the bust and waist, but flowing out more through the skirt for easy mobility.

Clasping my silver hoop earrings on, I gave myself one last look. My hair was gelled, giving it more volume and body than usual, the back curling up behind my ears.

Oh, yeah. I was looking good.

I had gone into work today, even though we had decided to close it down for the holiday, because our experiments that we had going were extremely touch and go right now. We were literally on the verge of a breakthrough, and no one wanted to risk that toppling into the abyss.

The party had started a half hour ago, and I had to hurry.

The parking lot of the Hilton was packed with Mercedes’, Beamers, even limos. I closed and locked my Jeep, holding my dress as I hurried toward the building. I could hear the music playing as soon as I opened the doors to the lobby of the beautiful hotel.

I found the ballroom quickly, and stood at the door, looking for Haley. I had no idea what her date looked like, nor mine, for that matter.

Conversation around me stopped as heads turned, eyes on me. I could hear the whispers as I walked through the room. I looked damn good, and I knew it. I felt a pride race through me, and a confidence that eluded me on a daily basis. Tonight was different, and they all knew it.

"Andi." I turned to my left, and my eyeballs nearly fell out of my head. Haley stood with two men, though they didn’t even register with me. Her dress was red, just one shade below bright red. Her shoulders were bare as the straps from the dress made their way up around her neck. I knew that dress was backless. Her breasts were well defined, and a bit of cleavage teased at the apex of the v-neckline. My eyes flowed down the length that stopped just shy of the floor, the slit along the left leg reaching to just above her knee.

Finally my eyes managed to find the face of the owner, and I saw that she wore a bit of make-up, a touch of dark on her lids to pronounce those electric eyes. Her hair was pulled up, loose tendrils falling around in a few places. Diamonds dangled from her ears, a matching necklace teasing to head between her breasts.

Finally shaking myself back into reality, I headed over to her. I watched her face as I walked toward her, surprised when her eyes were meeting mine. No, she was looking at me, taking in my dress, my hair, the small bit of jewelry I wore, all the way down to my shoes.

"Damn," I muttered to myself. Again, it’s just not legal to be as gorgeous as she was. At least it should be a crime. I know my thoughts could get me in a whole heap of trouble.

"Look at you." I looked up, seeing Haley smiling at me, but her eyes, dare I think they held a different message? I knew mine were hungry, though I was trying to hide it.

"Yes, look at me. I promised you some day." I smiled, indicating the dress.

"Yes, you did. It was well worth the wait." She whispered, then turned to the man she was standing with. "Andi, this is John, John, Andi."

"Yes, I’ve seen you around before. You certainly weren’t looking like this, however," he said. He was handsome enough; dark hair, nice, squared jaw with tanned skin. The kind of guy whose vanity could outlast any woman’s.

"Hello." I smiled politely.

"Andi, meet your date." I turned, my eyes bulging.

"You remember my old friend, Tommy?" He looked at me, a wide smile on his face. God, he hadn’t changed a bit.

"Uh, of course. Hi, Tommy. How are you?" I extended my hand, and he took it, kissing my knuckles. I glanced at Haley, who had a smirk on her face. What was going on?

"Tommy will be your date for a few hours. His loved one had to work tonight." I looked at him. Did she mean what I thought she meant?

"Your loved one?" I asked.

"Yes. You know how those doctors can be. Always on call, or at the hospital. Can be murder on a relationship."

"Indeed." I smiled.

"Would you care to dance?" I looked at Haley. She smiled, turning to John Severaux.

"Let’s all dance," he suggested.

Soon we were all on the dance floor, John and Haley next to us as we made our way around the crowded floor.

"So, what do you do now?" Tommy asked.

"I’m a researcher."

"Ah. I should have figured. I’m in pharmaceutical sales. That’s how Carl and I met."

"Carl?"

"Yes. My loved one." I grinned, then chuckled.

"I always knew it about you, Tommy." He grinned.

"I wasn’t so off about you, either, I hear. Haley filled me in on your predicament tonight, and since Carl will be out until later, why not help out an old friend."

He twirled me around twice. As I turned, I saw Haley and John, and I saw Haley’s eyes on me. I turned to face Tommy again.

"Well, I’m not one to expose my business to everyone, so I didn’t really bother looking for a woman."

"Is that why?" he asked, a knowing smile on his face." My brows drew.

"Excuse me?"

"Thirteen years couldn’t diminish it, I guess." Twirl, twirl. "You two still look at each other the way you did all the way back in high school."

"Me and who?" He laughed.

"Oh, come on, Andi. You’re not fooling anyone. Well, except maybe yourself. Or should I say, yourselves?"

"Haley and me?"

"Haley and you. I saw the sparks that were flying back and forth between you when you walked in. Poor John doesn’t have a chance."

"Well, I think there’s one small thing you’re missing, Tommy."

"What’s that?" He pulled me closer as the song ended, and a slow waltz started.

"Haley’s straight."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. You know that whole rule number one crap."

"Never fall for a straight person? Yes, I know. But what if they’re not so straight? I had my doubts about Haley back in high school. She and I were very good friends. Still are."

"I think you’re wrong."

"I’m sorry to hear that."

The song came to an end, and we stopped dancing, applauding the small, twelve-piece orchestra set up near the back of the room.

"Come on. Let’s sit."

Dinner was served, and the four of us actually had a good time. Tommy was hilarious, and the three of us lost ourselves in stories of high school, and the people we knew, and Tommy regaling us with stories of what this person and that person is doing now. How on earth he knew all this, or why he cared, was beyond me.

While we had been dancing, I had seen Erin sitting at a table with a woman, obviously her girlfriend.

"I’ll be right back."

I left our table, where four other people were also sat. Haley and Tommy talked while Haley’s date talked with the woman sitting next to him.

Making my way through the busy room, I quickly found Erin and her lady friend. I watched for a moment, and smiled. She looked utterly radiant.

"Happy New Year," I said, stepping up beside their table. Both women looked up at me, and Erin smiled.

"Happy New Year, Andi. Are you here alone?"

"No, my table’s over there. I just thought I’d say hi." I looked at the other woman who I didn’t recognize from the hospital. She was eyeing me, boy. I had to laugh inside. Honey, I am no threat, believe me. "Hello," I finally said.

"Oh, honey, this is Andi Littman. Andi, Susan Stein."

"Nice to meet you," I said with a smile. She just smiled back. "Well, I don’t want to interrupt your dinner. You two crazy gals have fun." I grinned, and walked away, feeling good about it. Erin was happy. That was all I ever wanted for her.

The night passed quickly, and I was really ready to get out of there. Tommy’s cell phone rang at eleven-thirty, and he told us he had to go. Carl had gotten off work, and they wanted to see the new year in together.

I walked him to the door, glad to meet up with him again. I think I had found a friend.

"Listen, Andi," he said, turning to me at the door. "You need to stop thinking with this," he tapped my forehead with his finger. "And start using this." He tapped where my heart would be. Surprising me with a kiss to the forehead, he left. I turned, nearly running smack into Haley.

"Want to get out of here, too?" she asked.

"Please?"

"Let’s go. John decided he wanted to stay and talk to that woman he’s been chatting it up with all night." We both chuckled. "Saves me the time of dropping his ass."

We grabbed our coats and headed out.

"Man, you think Craig was a narcissist? This guy puts him to sad shame. I feel sorry for her." Haley indicated the ballroom with her thumb.

"Maybe she’s into that sort of thing." She grinned.

The drive home took about twenty minutes, but finally we reached Haley’s house. I parked in the driveway, turning the car off. We sat in silence for a moment, then she turned to me.

"Tired?" she asked. I shook my head.

"Not really."

"Me, neither." She glanced down at the small, white gold watch she wore, her eyes getting huge. "Oh, Andi! The ball’s going to drop in less than a minute!"

We threw the doors of the Jeep open, and ran toward the house, Haley finally getting the lock undone, and we ran to the living room, flicking the TV on to NBC. Dick Clark was on the screen, talking about the massive crowds behind him in New York, a clock at the bottom right corner of the screen ticking away the seconds.

We stood there in front of the TV, watching.

"I wonder if Holden is there," she said.

"Maybe."

"I think it would be kind of fun." She glanced at me.

"Me, too."

We were standing shoulder to shoulder, watching as the year slipped away.

10...

I became very aware of Haley bare skin next to me...

9...

The body heat, matching my own...

8...

I could smell her perfume, the smell of her shampoo, and the spray she’d used to keep her hair in place...

7...

I squeezed my eyes shut, my body reacting to the closeness, the smell, the sensations running through me...

6...

God, did she feel it to?...

5...

My stomach was filled with butterflies, each one beating its wings in a different path, trying to get out...

4...

I could feel my body temperature rise, my palms getting sweaty. God, could she smell my nervousness? What was I so nervous about? It was only Haley. God, it was Haley...

3...

I felt, more than saw, Haley turn toward me, and I felt my body betray me, and turn, too. She was looking into my face...

2...

Her hand raised, coming up to my forehead, using the softest of touches to brush a stray piece of hair off my forehead. My hand came up to rest on her arm.

Time stopped, my breath stopped, my heart stopped. Slowly she came toward me, and I felt myself falling toward her, my eyes closing of their own accord as I felt the softness against my lips, could taste the lipstick she wore, our lips parting just enough so that our lips fit perfectly together.

Somewhere in my mind I heard Dick Clark yell "Happy New Year!", but it didn’t matter. The world could end right now, and it wouldn’t matter.

We stayed as we were, locked for what felt like all time, frozen.

Finally I could hear the blood pounding in my head as I came alive again, my heart pounding, my breathing slow but sure. I slowly pulled away from her, my eyes opening to see that hers were still closed, her lips still slightly parted, her lipstick smudged just the tiniest bit near the corner.

Blue eyes opened, and met mine.

"Happy New Year," I whispered. She stared at me for a moment, as if the words hadn’t quiet penetrated.

"Happy New Year, Andi," she said, her voice low, breathy. She dropped her hand from my face, but didn’t take a step back. "I don’t understand," she finally said. I said nothing, letting her talk, though I think I knew what she meant. "It’s never been like that for me. I," she took a breath, and it quickly became apparent she would say no more.

"I think we need to talk," I said. She nodded. "But, not in a gown." She gave me a weak smile.

"I’ll get you something to wear." She took a shaky breath, and stepped back, closing her eyes for a moment, then headed up the stairs. I watched her for a moment, then turned away. I heard the squeaking of the stairs stop, and felt eyes on me. I turned, looked up to see her halfway up, looking at me. We just looked for a moment, trying to read the other’s mind. She gave me the sweetest smile, and smiled back. Quickly, she hurried up the rest of the stairs.

Within moments, a changed Haley came back downstairs, tossing a pair of sweats and a sweat shirt my way. Happily I ran to the bathroom on the main level, and changed, washing my face free of the small bit of makeup I had worn, and removing my jewelry.

When I came out, Haley sat on the couch, feet tucked under her, with a glass of orange juice in her hand, and a can of Dr Pepper on the table waiting for me. I smiled, and joined her.

She looked at me when I sat on the couch, a cushion away.

"Come here." She patted the cushion that was between us, so I scooted over, grateful for the invitation. She took a deep breath, setting her juice on the table. "I guess we have a lot to talk about. Past and present."

"I guess we do." I smiled, grabbing the can of soda, and popping the top, taking a nervous drink, then setting the can next to her glass.

"Where do we start?"

"How about thirteen years ago," I offered. She nodded agreement. "What happened to us, Haley?" She took a deep breath, shaking her head.

"I don’t know."

"What did you think of that weekend?" She looked down at her hands the were fidgeting in her lap, then finally looked up at me.

"Well, to be honest, at the time I thought I was seeing it as some sort of an experiment. It wasn’t until later that I realized it was more than that. Why didn’t you talk to me after, Andi?" I could see the pain from so long ago in her eyes.

"I thought you’d reject me, Haley. I guess I still didn’t trust you completely. You were one of them, still. The enemy. I really thought, hell, I don’t know. I guess I thought that you had had your time of slumming, for lack of a better term, and was done with it. With me."

"How can you say that? Never did I once give you that vibe. At least I never meant to. I never thought that, Andi. Not for a second."

"I was seventeen. That’s the best answer I can give you."

"Do you know how many times I tried to talk to you? Up until the last day before my graduation. Remember that? We were all being fitted in the gym one last time?" I nodded, remembering it well.

"I blew you off."

"Yes, you did. I never understood that. God, that haunted me. I thought you hated me, hated what we had done."

I smiled.

"Did you know that I had had a crush on you since the ninth grade?" She looked at me, taken aback.

"I had no idea."

"Of course not. Neither did I. I didn’t have a word for it, but I knew I wanted to be around you, see you, hear you speak. Oh, I loved your voice." I smiled at he memories. "Still do, really." She put her hand on my knee. "I remember when I saw you that first day, when I was waiting in the library, and saw that it was you, the Haley, shit, I almost freaked! I was so damn intimidated by you."

"You? By me?" She put her hand on her chest, shocked. "God, Andi, you were like this cute, scarily smart girl, who was a complete mystery to everybody. I mean, no one knew a thing about you, except that when you entered into any sort of brain bowl, everyone headed for the hills." I laughed, so did she. "You scared the hell out of me."

"Really?"

"God, yes."

"What happened?"

"I got to know you, the real you, and not that crap persona that you gave to the rest of the world. Soon I became addicted to it, to you, your personality. You were so different than anyone I had ever met. Before or since. I mean, I was about to be tutored by the future Valedictorian."

I smiled, the memories flooding in.

"Did you ever think about me, after you left Winston?" I began to play with a string that was hanging off the sweats I wore.

"I really liked your speech at your graduation."

I looked up, my eyes instantly stinging as the words penetrated, and the lump that seemed to be there at the drop of a hat lately, was right on cue.

"What? You were there?" I asked, my voice a whisper. She nodded.

"I saw the whole thing. I was so proud of you up there, finally getting the recognition you deserved." She smiled, her hand squeezing my knee. "I was so proud, Andi."

I looked down, trying to get my emotions under control, taking several deep breaths, I could finally speak without fear of my voice cracking.

"Why didn’t you call?" I looked at her, feeing so much pain, all that I had held in for so long.

"I didn’t think you wanted me to."

"You know, I allowed myself to think about you, to think about what we had done, that weekend, for that last year in Winston, then I promised myself that after that, once I left, I left it all behind." She nodded understanding.

"That bad, huh?" She looked down, her voice quiet.

"Haley, I was a young girl who was so confused, anyway. There’s no blame, here. We both played our parts, and handled it the best way we could at the time. I chose not to deal with it. Did you know that I had completely allowed myself to throw everything out of my mind for over a decade? It wasn’t until last summer, when you’d already come back, that I had a dream. It woke me up in a serious sweat." I chuckled. "Then I realized it was no dream. That had been you and me back in my mother’s bedroom. It all came back to me."

"What do we do?" she asked quietly. "I know that I’ve never felt about anyone the way I did about you. Hell, who am I kidding, do. I feel so lost, Andi."

"I understand. We don’t have to do anything, Haley. We’re doing what should have been done so many years ago. This needed to get out."

"You made me doubt myself. That’s why I dated so little in college. I didn’t know what was going on, and didn’t want to stick myself in someone’s camp that I didn’t belong in, but I tell you," She pointed a finger at me. "You were a hard act to follow."

I smiled. "So were you. I was trying to find someone who could see me like you did, in all those women I was with." I shook my head. "Not a one."

She sighed, ran a hand through her hair, then she reached out to me, bringing me toward her in a tight embrace.

"Thank you," she said in my ear.

"For?"

"For being here."

"Well, you invited me in." She chuckled, and squeezed me tighter.

"What say you we get some sleep?" She pulled away. I nodded.

"Yeah. I’m beat."

"Me, too."

"Got any blankets?"

"Yeah. I’ll get them."

* * *

I walked down the hall from my office Monday, feeling like I was walking on air. We had had the most wonderful weekend, though nothing more had happened. I just felt a closeness with Haley that I had never felt with another living soul. I felt like someone truly saw what I was made of for the first time, well, for a second chance. I felt incredibly vulnerable, but for some reason that didn’t matter.

I headed to Haley’s office, curious to why she didn’t come get me to get out of here like she usually does, I thought about the following day, yesterday.

We had spent the entire day in Haley’s townhouse, talking, laughing, reliving so many old memories, and creating new ones.

God, thank you so much for this second time around. I actually glanced up toward the ceiling, feeling silly for doing it. I was not a religious person by any means, but I felt like there was a hand in this somewhere, helping us out.

I pulled open the door that would take me to the offices of the psych people. Haley’s office was just inside, to the right.

I stopped short when I saw she was on the phone.

"Yeah, I know. I’m not sure what to do." She sat in her chair, staring out the window, her back to me, a hand on her forehead. "Yeah, I start the summer class session at UCLA in late May. I report back to work on the twentieth. Yeah, I guess I’m looking forward to getting back to Los Angeles. Yeah, five months to go."

My stomach fell, my breath caught as realization dawned on me.

No.

I turned, tears blinding my way as I reached for the door handle that would take me back to the hall, slamming out of there. I needed to get out of there.

Part 16

I swiped at my eyes, despising myself for letting them come. How had I been so stupid? How had I ever allowed myself to think that maybe, just maybe, it would work out for me, that maybe I was meant to find that elusive drug?

What a fool I was. I might as well have been chasing a rainbow.

I found the door to the building, and headed out toward the parking lot.

"Andi!"

I hurried faster, trying to find my Jeep through my tears.

"Andi! Stop!"

I pulled my keys out of my pocket, trying to find the right key to unlock the door.

"Why are you running from me?" I turned, seeing Haley running toward me, just in the pant suit she’d worn for work. Finally she stopped, standing at the back of the car, her face red from the exertion and the cold, and filled with confusion. "What happened? Why are you crying?" She took a step forward, but stopped, apparently seeing something on my face that made her unsure.

"When were you going to tell me, Haley?" I asked, my voice deathly calm and quiet, though my eyes still burned from tears shed, and those waiting in the wings.

"Tell you what?"

"That you’re leaving! You’re going back to California. Goddamn you, Haley. How could you do this to me?" I turned back to my car, again, attempting to find the right key, even as my hands continued to tremble. "I can’t do it again, Haley. Not only can’t I, I won’t,"

"Come with me."

My head jerked up, my heart in my throat. She looked like she was on the verge of tears herself.

"What?"

"Come with me, back to California, Andi." She took a step closer. I could only stare. "Please? I’ve found you, gotten you back into my life, and damn if I can imagine you out again." She took a deep breath, quickly swiping at her eye, then looking at me again, taking a small step forward.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" I asked, my voice quiet, defeated.

"Do you know how many times, how many ways I tried to ask? Do you think all my questions about you ever seeing, or being interested in seeing California were arbitrary? Andi, I wanted you to come with me."

I finally turned to face her fully, my hurt and fear being covered by anger. Always my weapon of choice.

"Why? So I could live down the street from you? We could have our Saturday nights? What, can’t live without my baking?" Her eyes narrowed, tears springing to them.

"Why are you saying these things? Andi, I’m trying to offer you a life with me in it. Do you want that? Because from everything you’ve said and done thus far, I’m sorry, but that was certainly the impression I got."

"I do want you in my life, Haley! But on whose terms? Yours? I can’t go as your boy toy to take out and play with when you want, and then tuck nicely back into my own little house when you don’t."

"Is that what you think of me?" she asked, taking the final step that separated us, bringing our foreheads so they were nearly touching. "Is that all you think I’m capable of, Andi?"

"What are you capable of?" I closed my eyes, fearing my heart would pound out of my chest. Haley was silent for a moment, then she let out a deep breath, shaking her head.

"I don’t know."

I sighed, taking a step back, finally getting my key in the door, turning the lock.

"Please, at least think about it." I glanced at her. She was looking at me with pleading eyes. "Okay?" All I could do was nod. I climbed into the Jeep, and closed the door, shutting out the cold, shutting out Haley, shutting out the world.

Pulling out of the parking lot, I stopped just before turning onto the major street. Turning left would take me toward home. I quickly flicked the right turn signal, and headed out.

As I drove, I fought the tears, but it was a losing battle. I let them come.

She wanted me to go with her. But to what end? Leave my home, my family, my daughter, my career? Sure, there were labs up in California, I knew that, but all that I had built here in the past ten years. All I had accomplished, the awards I’d won.

But then there was Haley. My whole life, no one had been able to affect me as she did, no one could claim they had won me over, or opened my heart. Some sick part of me relished the fact that no one had been able to break me.

But then there was Haley.

She rocked my world every single day in one way or another. Damn, even now as I thought about her, my stomach began to dance, my heart singing along, and the corners of my mouth automatically turning up.

It often made me think of Bunsen. No matter how much trouble he’d gotten into that morning, because he’d torn something up in the night, or had decided to make the kitchen floor his personal latrine, he always had a wagging tail, and a lick or twenty for me. Such was the way of Haley. In my eyes she could do no wrong.

The sun was beginning to peek out from between the clouds, and its light reflecting off the snow was too much. I pulled down my visor to grab my sunglasses from where they were clasped, and I stopped, seeing Kendall’s fourth grade picture where I’d tucked it under a rubber band. She was smiling at me, her green eyes bright with youth and innocence.

I pulled the Jeep to the side of the road, and took the picture out, staring at it. The girl was so young, only ten. I trusted Vince and Michelle Torrini as much as I trusted my own mother. I knew Kendall was in good hands, or I never would have left her there. She’d be taken care of well, just as she had already been for the first decade of her life.

There were ways to see her often, and Haley loved her. She’d have no problem with Kendall visiting.

I closed my eyes, setting the picture aside, and putting my hands on the wheel. What is this "we" bullshit? Haley has said nothing about a we. She’d only said that she wanted me to come with her. What the hell does she want from me? What are her intentions?

God, I hate being confused.

* * *

I walked down the hall, headed to the lab. I knew my eyes were red from lack of sleep, and though I hated to admit it, more crying. Damn those ducts. If they didn’t serve an actual bodily function, I’d have them removed.

I had done a lot of thinking last night, a whole shit load of pacing, making my dog dizzy as he sat on his haunches, watching the crazy human walk back and forth, back and forth.

No conclusions had managed to be reached as of yet, but I knew that it was only fair I give her an answer soon.

Pushing it all aside for now, I pushed open the door to the lab, and was immediately met by Samantha.

"Andi, thank god you’re here. Disaster last night."

"What?" Alarmed, I threw my wallet and keys onto the nearest work table, and followed my colleague over to the test read-offs. I searched through the numbers, trying to find the problem. "Why did this happen?"

"The cooler gave out over night. The one with the sample in it." I looked up at her, eyes narrowed.

"No," I breathed. She nodded. She looked like she was about to cry. "Hang on, let me think. Where is it?" She hurried to the back of the lab where she’d placed the Petri dish to keep it safe. I grabbed it, quickly taking it to the nearest microscope and zooming in on it. It couldn’t happen this way. There was just no way.

"We’ve got to hurry, Andi. The other freezing units are losing temperature, too."

"You’re kidding?" I looked at her, she shook her head.

"I only wish."

"Fuck." I stood. "This one’s too far gone. "Check the others."

I hurried back to my office, my blood on fire. Grabbing the phone, I punched the extension of Dr. Bill Johns, the supervisor of the wing.

"Dr. Johns," came the smooth, calm voice. Not what I needed to hear.

"You need to get your ass on the phone, and get us some new cooling units with the money we were promised at the beginning of the year, Johns," I raged. This had been an ongoing problem, our equipment dying out long before its time, even though all the labs had been promised a budget increase at the beginning of our fiscal year, which all of us had yet to see.

"Excuse me?"

"This is Dr. Andrea Littman, and you just cost us about a thousand man hours, and a million dollars in research, doctor. Our cooling units have failed for the third time in the last six months." I could feel my emotions building, the situation with the lab, and Haley building into one massive ball of ‘oh shit.’

"Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?" He was downright angry, now.

"Yes, and I’ll kiss your ass tomorrow, but today get off it, and get this taken care of! You’re messing with people’s lives, Dr. Johns. We may have finally had the right combination, but now we’re hard pressed to ever know."

"Another one is bad, Andi," I heard Samantha yell from the lab.

"Get on it... sir."

I hung up the phone, and hurried back into the lab.

Within an hour, repair men had us halfway back up, and brand new units had been ordered.

As the day went on, Samantha and I started our project from scratch. We were both disheartened, saddened, almost as if a member of our family had died. We had lost all the samples when all was said and done.

She left for lunch, needing to get some space between her and the lab, so I sat in my office, the project on the computer screen before me, but I stared straight ahead, my mind nowhere near this hospital. Though I did worry somewhere in there if I’d have a job tomorrow.

Suddenly I felt as though I were being watching, and I looked up. Haley stood in the doorway, a brown bag in her hand. She had been looking at me. When she saw she had my attention, she smiled.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she said. I smiled.

"You’d be a poor woman."

"May I come in?" She raised the bag. "Lunch."

"Please. Have a seat." I indicated the chair that was on the other side of my desk for guests.

She entered the office, setting the bag on the desk, reaching in to grab a wrapped sandwich. She placed it in front of me.

"Thanks," I said, my voice quiet. I was quite shocked to see her here, really. Though I had done nothing wrong, things hadn’t gone particularly well yesterday, either.

"Look, Andi, I just want you to know that regardless of what happens, whatever you decide, I still will always be here for you, and I truly want to be your friend." I looked up to see Haley standing there, a napkin in her hand, looking right at me. I nodded.

"Thank you."

"And, I’m not about to let you starve just because you can’t seem to make or buy yourself food." I grinned, taking the sandwich into my hands.

"Speaking of decisions," I said, glancing briefly at her. She sat, crossing her arms over her chest, but said nothing. "Why? Why do you want me there?"

She sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at me, only to look at her lap.

"Well, that’s a question I’ve been struggling with for weeks now." Her eyes met mine. "I’ve never had a problem making friends, and I’ve generally always been surrounded by wonderful people, and for a long time that sufficed. You know?" She looked at me, searching my face for understanding. I nodded.

"I know what you mean."

"Now it’s all changed, somehow. I think of my life back in California, my condo waiting for me, the friends that I have, my work, and though there’s a very large part of me that can barely wait to get back to all that, there’s another part, a deeper part, that can’t imagine any of it without you." She cut herself off, and looked down at her hands.

She looked like she was in such despair, and then to my horror, I saw a single tear fall to her lap.

Quickly I was out of my chair, and hurried to the other side of the desk, sitting on the edge. I had no idea what to do once I was there, but I knew I needed to be closer to her, she needed that.

She swiped at her eye with an impatient hand, then looked up at me.

"No one gets to me like you do, Andi. I feel so safe with you, secure, like nothing can hurt me." She sighed. "I know what I ask is a lot, especially for such an unknown return, but I think about leaving here without you, and I feel sick. Every time you come over, I dread as it gets late, because I know you’re going to have to go home. I crave your presence, Andi. Does that make any sense?"

"More than you know. But what if this is another experiment for you, Haley? What if we try this, and you decide you don’t like it? What if it doesn’t work?"

"Well, first of all, you take the chance of it not working with anything you do. You should know that as a scientist. Second of all, I’m not a kid anymore, and I don’t experiment. Nor do I run. I’ve learned to face my fears, and face the unknown." She looked at me. "And I want that with you." She shook her head. "I’m sorry, Andi. I am so selfish."

"Okay." It just came out. She looked up, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"What?" I took a deep breath, leaning forward slightly on the desk.

"Okay." She cocked her head to the side, still looking wary.

"Okay... what?"

"What do you think? I told you I always wanted to see the Pacific." Haley stared at me for a moment, then suddenly her eyes grew to the size of saucers, and she jumped up from the chair, damn near smacking my chin with her face, and grabbed me in a massive hug.

I smiled, relishing the feel of her arms around me, her body pressed to mine, her excitement contagious, yet somewhere deep inside warning bells were sounding, and a voice was screaming, ‘what are you doing?!!’

I shut it all out, just enjoying the feeling of making Haley happy.

* * *

I turned the music up loud in my Jeep as I headed toward Winston. I had called, and mom was home tonight. I was excited to tell her my news. Haley had Tae Kwon Do class tonight, so I took the opportunity to get the ball rolling.

I hadn’t said anything to anyone at work, yet. For some reason I just didn’t want it getting out there, yet. My mind sailed to California, thinking about the sunny days, the ocean just a short drive away. Especially as I looked outside the car, the snow piled high wherever you looked. Now we’d just have sand and surf to play in instead of beautiful snow drifts. I’d never made a sand castle before. Guess you’re never too old to start.

My smile grew wider as I imagined Kendall on the beach with us, her running around in a bathing suit, trying to catch the waves as they came in.

And then I thought about Haley, and my smile grew wider, and a bit deeper. Where would we live? Haley had talked about the Scripps Institute , which was a huge research lab in California, and a wonderful opportunity for me. I saw where one of their scientists had won the Nobel Prize just last year. Oh, how I’d love that to be my name that went in the history books.

I’m a believer in making your own destiny, but at the same time, I do think life can give you a bit of a nudge in the right direction. Is the failure of the equipment, and thus of our experiment, trying to tell me something? Is it time to move on?

I pulled into the drive of my old house, and turned the car off, hurrying to the door. It was a cold one tonight.

Mom and Clive were downstairs as I headed into the house. The big screen TV was on, and some drama of the week was on.

"Hey, guys," I said, pulling my gloves off. Mom turned and looked up at me.

"Hi, honey." She stood, wrapping her arms around me, and squeezing. I smiled and closed my eyes. I think no matter how old I get, a hug from my mother always took me back a few decades.

"Hey, cutie. How are you?" Clive asked from his spot on the couch. I smiled back at him.

"Not bad. How about you?"

"Eh, not so bad."

"Come on, babe. I’ll make us some hot tea." My mother took me by the hand, and dragged me upstairs. I was glad. Though I did like Clive, I really had no desire to talk about this with him around. Besides, I knew my mother would fill him in later, anyway.

"So what’s up?" mom asked as she took the tea kettle out from under the cabinet, and began to fill it with water. I hopped up on the cabinet next to the sink.

"Well," I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I prepared myself to tell her. "Haley is heading back to California in May," Mom looked at me.

"Oh, that’s too bad. I’ll really miss her. She’s such a wonderful girl."

"Yeah, she is. Mom, I’m going with her."

My mother stopped the faucet, and looked up at me, surprise in her eyes. I waited for her to say something.

"Honey, wow. Where did that come from? Why?" I knew she would support me no matter what I did in life, but I also knew this was rather sudden, especially for someone who had no clue what had been going on between Haley and I.

"She asked me to."

"As roommates, or something?" I smiled.

"Well, not really." Her eyes opened even wider. She put the kettle on the stove.

"You mean in a romantic way?" I nodded.

"Something like that."

"Honey, I-," She smiled, shaking her head. "You girls. I never can tell who’s into men, anymore. I definitely had money on Haley." She chuckled again. Getting the box of teabags out of the cabinet, as well as two cups.

"Me, too." I grinned. "You remember, ah, well, way back when we had the bad snow storm my junior year?" Mom nodded, looking at me warily. "Well, ah, Haley and I," I looked down, lightly tapping the heels of my boots on the cabinet below me. Mom turned to face me totally.

"You two...," I nodded.

"Basically," I admitted.

The water began to whistle, so she took the kettle of the burner, and poured the hot water into our mugs, handing me one, and a teabag.

"Thanks."

"Is that why you two stopped talking?" she asked, dipping her bag in and out of the water, watching to see when it was the right color for her.

"Yes."

"You know, I wondered. Not then, of course. Hell, having a daughter who’s gay has certainly been an education for me, but later on, after you’d told me about your lesbianism, I really wondered if something had happened between you girls." She poured some sugar in the cup once she’d removed the teabag. "So, tell me about this California thing. Are you excited?"

I set my teabag on the saucer next to my mom’s, and sipped from the strong, hot brew, nodding.

"I am. The thought of having a life with Haley," I smiled. "It’s breathtaking. The way I see it, Samantha can handle the lab, she’s good at what she does, and sometimes I think it’s her who should have gotten the promotion to lab manager last November, and not me. She’s a very competent woman. I mean, I may have gotten the ball rolling on our research, but she can just take over. And Bunsen would love the sun and the sand. I mean, true, I wouldn’t have the snow, and I do love the snow, but I could just get my fill of it when I came back for the holidays. Plus, I trust Vince and Michelle as much as I trust myself, and Kendall would absolutely love to come out and visit when she had her summer break," I stopped myself in mid-sentence, looking over at my mom. She was looking right back at me, concern in her eyes.

"What’s the matter, honey?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"What am I saying?" I nearly whispered.

"You were telling me all the wonderful possibilities of a life with you and Haley." I hopped down from the counter, setting my mug aside, and walking over to the small table, pulling a chair out, and plopping down.

"I can’t, I, I’m so confused." I buried my face in my hands. Within a few seconds I felt a warm hand on my back, rubbing in small circles.

"How do you feel about Haley, honey?" I lifted my head, running a hand through my hair. I rested my elbows on my spread knees, and clasped my fingers together as I stared straight ahead, trying to think of how to answer that. Just at the mention of her name, I felt like I could fly.

"I feel almost like I’m high when I’m around her," I began. "You know, like I can do anything. She fills me up completely." I risked a quick glance at my mom. She was staring at the floor as she listened. "She makes me feel like it’s all worth it, like life is worth living, and taking with both hands. I guess she makes me feel alive. You know, it’s like there is an actual, literal pain in my chest when she’s not with me." This time I looked directly into my mom’s eyes.

"Honey, do you think you love her?" she asked, her hand moving up into my hair, gently stroking it, pushing it back from my face. I thought about what she said, knowing that I had been purposefully keeping those very words out of my vocabulary. Who was I to say? How would I know?

But then as I sat there in my mother’s kitchen, I knew, just as sure as I knew my own name.

"Mom, I think I’ve fallen in love." My voice was quiet, almost filled with awe as I announced this news to my own ears just as much as to my mother’s.

"That’s not a bad thing, sweetie. It’s about time, actually, and I can’t think of someone more worthy of your love than Haley. No man is an island. I’ve been telling you that for some time." She smile, I smiled back, ruefully. "Does she feel the same?"

"I don’t know. I honestly don’t know if she knows how she feels." I stood, running my hands through my hair again, turning to face my mom. "How can I go out there when she has no idea what she wants? Haley has never experienced this before, hell, what if it’s just a really strong case of sisterly love?"

"Do you really think that’s the case, Andrea?"

"I hope not. But I don’t know. And my job, all my hard work and research." I stopped, my shoulders slumping. "My daughter," I whispered. "I let her go once, mom. I don’t know if I can do it again." She just stared up at me. "I have to go."

I grabbed my keys from the table, and gave my mom a quick hug. "I’ll call you later."

"Whatever you do, you’ll do the right thing, honey," she said, holding me by my arm.

"Would you do it?" I asked, desperate for someone to give me the answers.

"I can’t answer for you. You and I are very different people, with very different priorities. I’m settled now, and when I was your age I had two young children to raise. Only you can decide."

"Do you think I should go?" I hated asking others for help, but I was so lost right now.

"Well, I have to be honest, I don’t want you to, but that’s just my motherly selfishness in me talking. But objectively, I think it could be a wonderful opportunity for you, and life is short."

Not feeling any better, I hugged her again, and hurried out. I needed to think, and I needed to be alone to do it.

* * *

I sat in my office chair, hands behind my head as I stared at the blank computer screen before me. Our new units had arrived, and the men were installing them, so I came in here to stay out of the way.

More like to hide.

Last night had been one of the hardest of my life. The only thing comparable had been the night before I had to give the Torrini’s my answer. This was no less painful, either. Both could would change my life forever, and could have blessed or cursed affects.

My eyes still burned from tears of frustration and sadness. My heart still hurt from hope and regret. I had made up my mind, and now it was time to make it so.

I stood, taking a deep breath, letting my lungs fill with much needed air, and headed out of the lab.

As I walked down the hall, not entirely sure where I was going, well, that was a lie. I knew where I was going, I was just taking the long way to get there. I thought about my destination. I thought about what I would say.

"Hey!" My head jerked up from my thoughts, and heading toward me from the end of the hall was Haley. She quickened her pace, and I stopped mine all together. As she got closer, I could see she had something in her hand. "How are you?" she asked once she reached me, taking me in a hug. I hugged her back, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Here. How are you?" We pulled apart, and she looked at me with narrowed eyes, then punched me playfully on the arm.

"You better be better than just here, woman. Look at all this stuff I got last night." She brought her hand up, and I saw that she had a ton of brochures on California, and all of the tourist attractions. "Okay, I figure we’ll be getting there before the peak season starts, so if you wanted to do all of the touristy things, May would be a great time to do them." She pulled one brochure out of the stack. "This place,"

"Haley," I put my hand on hers to get her attention. She looked at me, all smiles, her eyes bright.

"Yeah?"

God, give me strength.

"Last night I did a lot of thinking,"

"Okay," She brought her hand up, playing with a random sting that had pulled loose from my sweater.

"I need to tell you something," she looked into my eyes, her smile faltering a bit, her hand falling away from me. "There are two things in my life that I am so proud of, that I have created," I stopped, watching as she searched my face and my eyes. I knew she could see how red-rimmed my eyes must be, how tired I knew I looked from hours of restless sleep until finally I’d gotten up at three-thirteen this morning, sitting in my chair, thinking.

"Alright," she said quietly.

"Those two things are my work, and Kendall," Her face began to fall, though she was trying to hold it together. "And they’re both here."

She looked down at the ground for a second before I heard her whisper, "okay."

Haley took a step back from me, taking a deep breath, and looked down at the brochures in her hand. God, my head was pounding, my heart being squeezed so tightly. I felt sick. Finally Haley’s face did fall. I heard one sob before she turned, crumpling the brochures in her hand. As Haley walked, she passed by a garbage can, opened her fingers, and let them fall inside as she headed back to where she’d come.

I watched, feeling my own eyes begin to sting and burn. I quickly turned, hurried back to the lab. I had to get out of here.

"Andi? Andi?" Samantha followed me into my office, standing at the door as I gathered all my stuff. "Are you okay?" she asked, looking at me with such concern. God, I didn’t deserve her kindness.

"I’m not feeling too well, Samantha. Um, I won’t be in tomorrow, either." She nodded dumbly.

"Okay." She brushed her hand across my arm as I passed her. "Andi?" I stopped, turning to look at her. "I’m here, you know, if you ever were to need anything. Okay?" I nodded, feeling completely numb, whatever heart I had, dissolving with pain and shame.

I drove home, my eyes dry, but stinging. I had had enough crying for a while. I just needed time to relax and think. I knew I had broken Haley’s heart today, but it had to be done. I would die if I grew to resent her for leaving Kendall and all that I had accomplished here.

At least this way we could at least remain friends. Having her in my life, no matter how that was, meant everything to me. I couldn’t lose her completely.

I tossed my keys on the table by the door, trying not to step on a very excited Bunsen. He wasn’t used to my being home this early, and he was basically beside himself.

I made my way to the living room, plopping my numb body in the armchair by the fireplace. Bunsen jumped up onto my lap. I brought my hand up to rub his head, but this wasn’t good enough for him. He jumped down, ran to grab his rope, then jumped back up, trying to get me to play tug-of-war with him.

"No, boy. Play by yourself." I leaned my head back against the chair, closing my eyes. I was exhausted. Finally the Pug settled on my lap, quietly chewing on his toy.

* * *

I awoke with a jerk, my eyes flying open. I looked around, seeing my dark bedroom, feeling the warmth of Bunsen next to my hip. I barely remembered going to bed. It had been around one in the afternoon, but I just hadn’t wanted to stay awake anymore; it hurt too much.

Now, glancing at the clock, I saw it was after seven. Raising my arms above my head, Haley immediately popped into mind, and I suddenly felt worry. I needed to see her like I needed my next breath.

Jumping out of bed, I called the Landlocked Sea, and ordered crab cakes to go. Quickly dressing, I gave a confused and groggy Bunsen a kiss and a hug, and hurried out.

It was a cold one tonight; how appropriate. My heart felt like ice, and I felt numb from the ice.

Grand-smelling bag sitting next to me, I made my way to Haley’s, praying that she’d be home. Her car was parked out front, and I saw a single light burning through the window. Pulling the break, I cut the engine, and grabbed the bag of food. It felt like such a paltry offering, but right now it was the best I could do.

I stepped up to the porch, and knocked softly. It took a moment, but I finally heard footsteps. The door opened, and the dim light from inside spilled out into the night. Haley stood there, dressed in warm sweats and a sweatshirt. She held Peggy in her arms.

"Brought you some dinner," I said lamely, showing her the brown bag. She gave me the barest of smiles, taking it from me.

"Thanks." She headed back into the townhouse, leaving the door open. I hurried inside, chilled to the bone. Closing the door behind me, I stood where I was. I wasn’t so sure about where my place was now. Haley returned from the kitchen, sitting on the couch, hugging the rabbit to her.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my voice soft. She nodded, sniffling.

"As well as can be expected, I guess."

"Yeah," I shuffled my feet, then decided to take off my gloves and coat, hanging them on the coat tree by the door. "Haley, I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you, or deceive you." She finally looked at me.

"I know, Andi." She looked terrible, her face and eyes red and swollen from crying. My heart split in two all over again. I headed over to the staircase, sitting on the third step up, my knees huddled to my chest, arms wrapped around my shins like a kid.

"Haley, why don’t you stay here?" She grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the table, and blew her nose.

"I have a contract with the school. I have to go and teach the summer session. Plus, about two years ago, my friend, Sergio Vladek and I opened our own practice. We have another twelve months on our building, the lease, anyway."

"Looks like we both have responsibilities, huh?" I smiled ruefully. She looked at me again, nodded.

Thunk, thunk, thunk

I looked behind me to see Oreo trucking it on down the stairs. He stopped when he reached my stair, looked up at me, whiskers going to town, then headed past me to the floor, hopping his way over to Haley, who quickly swooped him up onto her lap.

"Why are you all the way over there?" She asked, hugging her pets to her.

"To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think you’d want me near you. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have, Haley."

She looked at me for a moment, her hand absently stroking the soft fur of the rabbits.

"Why did you come, Andi?" I sighed, shrugging.

"I wanted to see you, I guess. Needed to see you."

"Come," she said, holding out a hand to me. I stared at it. "Please?" I stood, walked over to her, kneeling down on the floor in front of where she sat cross-legged on the couch. I scooted forward until my knees hit the couch, and rested my forehead against Haley’s knee. I was so tired. All I wanted was just for us to go on, to be happy in what I knew we were both capable of.

Within a few seconds I felt a hand on my head, running through my hair.

"I always thought you had the most beautiful hair," she whispered as she continued to caress me. We sat like that for a few more moments before she spoke again.

"How do you feel about me, Andi? What do you want to happen?" I lifted my head, staring up into her pain-filled eyes. I replaced my forehead with my hand, and sighed.

"I visited my mom the other night, and she got me to reveal and realize something." I was running out of time to be a coward. "Haley," I looked up into her eyes, wanting her to hear what I had to say. "Somewhere along the way of all this, I, well, I fell in love. With you." I saw the tears gather in her eyes again, and I was on my feet in an instant. "Oh, don’t cry. Please, don’t cry." She sobbed in my arms, setting the rabbits aside to hop about as they would.

Sitting next to her, I rocked her gently, kissing the top of her head.

"You don’t make this easy, do you?" she asked with a rueful chuckle. I smiled.

"No, I guess not." She got herself under control, and looked at me.

"How? When?"

"Well, my guess is somewhere in the neighborhood of my seventeenth year." I smiled at her. "As for why, well, I guess you just reached in there, planted a bud in my heart, and over the last twelve or thirteen years, it’s grown, and now it’s in full bloom."

"Why me, Andi?" I sighed, thinking of that very question so many times myself.

"No one dug deep enough to plant, I guess." She smiled, putting her hand on the side of my face.

"You should have been a poet."

"I don’t think so. I hated English, and nearly failed it."

"What, the first A- you got in your entire life?" she teased.

"Hey, that grade hurt, you know." We smiled at each other, and then I sobered, feeling the weight of the situation again. "Please tell me you don’t hate me."

"I could never hate you, Andi." She leaned in, kissing me lightly on the forehead. "It’s just not possible."

I looked down, feeling silly and awkward, but I wanted to know.

"Haley? You asked how I felt for you, what do you feel for me? I mean, it’s kind of a moot point now, but," I looked up at her. "I’d still like to know."

"Well," She sat back against the couch, her hand taking mine in both of hers. "I know that I love you, and I think it’s romantic love, but I just have absolutely no reference point to compare to. I’m so confused in that way. I know I want you with me always, I hate when you leave. Even when you get up to go to the bathroom, I feel such a loss." I smiled, understanding. "I feel so empty when I think about my life without you now. How I did it for so long, I’ll never know. But what it boils down to is, I think I have far too many emotions and worries flowing through me right now to really narrow it down. Does that sound like a horrible cop out?"

I shook my head. "No. Because I understand. I’ve had a bit more practice with this whole woman thing." I smiled, and leaned forward, our foreheads touching.

"What do we do now, Andi?"

"Make the best of what we’ve got left, I guess." I brought my hands up, placing them on either side of her face, bringing my mouth to hers, gently laying my lips against hers, holding the kiss for long moments. Haley brought a hand up to rest on my arm, then I felt her mouth open slightly, and I followed suit, our lips gliding against each other. There was no tongue involved, but it was beautiful, sweet, and sensuous all at once.

Finally I pulled back, staring into the face of the woman who would haunt me for the rest of my life, crashing doubts and what-ifs on my head.

"Will you stay?" she asked. I nodded, she smiled. "Good. I’m so tired."

Haley stood, gathering both her rabbits.

"Here, let me help you." I took Oreo from her, and followed her up the staircase. She was so exhausted, nearly falling asleep on her feet. I knew I probably looked much the same, for I sure as hell felt it.

The rabbits put away, I turned to Haley, who had flopped down on the end of her bed, just staring at me, her eyes red-rimmed and half-closed. I knelt down in front of her, and pulled both of her socks off, tossing them aside.

"Lay down." She fell backwards, and I tugged at the waistband of her sweats, pulling gently. The pants removed, they joined the socks, and I started on the sweatshirt, leaving her in her tee and underwear. "Come on, Haley." I helped her to the front of the bed, where she laid down. I pulled the blankets over her tucking her in. She stared up at me, staring into my eyes. We said nothing, only stared. I was about to turn away when the covers were flipped down. I turned, brows narrowed, and tucked her in again. About to go, they flipped down again. I looked at her with questioning eyes.

"Stay," she said. I looked at her, knowing she wouldn’t have offered if she hadn’t wanted me to. I quickly stripped down to my own tee and underwear, slipping under the covers, laying on my back. Haley immediately scooted over to me, curling her body toward mine. I reached to her, slipping my arm under her neck, and pulling her toward me. She laid her head on my shoulder, snuggling even closer, and sighing. I closed my eyes, a smile on my lips.

* * *

I awoke, but didn’t open my eyes. A smile came to my face as I could feel the warmth against the front of my body. I took note of all my limbs, feeling Haley’s back against my chest and stomach, my arm over her waist, hand resting against her stomach. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled her scent, trying to snuggle even closer to her.

Pushing myself up on my elbow, I watched as Haley breathed, deeply, evenly, the intense morning light of the sun washing into the room to shine upon the bed, and bring out the highlights in her dark hair.

I sighed with contentment, bringing my hand away from Haley’s stomach to her face, using my fingers to trace the lines and contours of it, the slope of her forehead, leading to her nose, straight, just the right amount of curve, leading to full, parted lips that concealed beautiful, white teeth.

As I touched her, those lips turned up in a smile, a soft sigh escaping. Her eyes remained shut, but her body scooted back further into me.

"You hungry?" she murmured. God, her voice was so sexy in the morning. I’d forgotten that.

"Maybe. What are you making?" I asked, my fingers continuing to trace over her face, and down her neck.

"I can make whatever you want. I want you to have a good breakfast before you go to work." I lowered my head, resting it on Haley’s pillow.

"Well, as sweet as that is of you, I’m not going to work today." Her eyes opened, and she glanced at me over her shoulder.

"You’re not?" I shook my head. She smiled.

"Me, either."

"Oh, yeah?" She shook her head, closing her eyes again. "Well, what a happy coincidence." I chuckled.

"I agree. Care to spend the day with me?" She turned in my embrace, eyes opening again.

"Really? You want to spend the day with me?"

I looked at her, a smile spreading across my face as I nodded.

"Definitely."

* * *

"Do you have the tickets?"

"Yes."

"The card?"

"Check, captain."

"Are we on time?"

"Andi, chill, woman." I felt Haley’s hand on my arm as I drove us toward Rift’s Skating Rink. Today was Kendall’s eleventh birthday, and for some reason, it was really getting to me. How had it gone so fast? My girl was going to be a teenager in two years! How was that possible?

"God, how did she get so old so fast, Haley?" I glanced over at my passenger, who was already looking at me.

"I don’t know." She smiled at me, putting her hand on my leg. I thought back to January 26, eleven years ago. I had been at school, right in the middle of class when my water had broken. School hadn’t been in session for too long after the holiday break. I had hoped Kendall would decide to come during the break, but it didn’t happen that way.

At least she had decided to make her appearance on a Friday. By Monday I was back in school, as Vince and Michelle Torrini were taking care of their new baby girl.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I turned into the parking lot, readying myself to face a dozen ten and eleven year olds, excited by the prospect of roller skating and sugar-rich foods.

Haley grabbed the wrapped gifts that she had bought for my daughter, and I had the envelope in my hand, which held her card, as well as three tickets to go see Tempo Toys. I figure she could take Michelle, and some friend of hers.

"Andi! Haley! You’re here!" We were both bowled over by a very excited little girl, giving us a double hug.

"Hey, kiddo." I leaned down, and got my own hug, squeezing the girl tight, then poking her in the ribs. She giggled, then ran off to where her party was in full swing, with all her guests on wheels, skating at blurring speeds around a wooden floor with loud music being pumped through speakers.

"Do you skate?" Haley asked, looking around, her eyes bright with childish glee. I shook my head.

"Never."

"You’re serious? Oh, honey, that’s about to change."

"No, Haley. I’m fine, really. If you want to go strut around on eight wheels, be my guest. I’m quite fine sitting with Michelle."

"Andi, Michelle’s out there." She pointed toward the rink. Sure enough, there she was, going around and around, sometimes holding the hand of some child, sometimes just skating, a huge smile on her face.

"Well, okay, I’ll sit by myself."

"Nope. Let’s go." She grabbed me by the hand, and marched my butt to the counter by the door where you rented your skates.

"Can I help you?" the pubescent boy asked us.

"Yes. I’d like a pair of size nine, and," she turned to me, "Andi?"

"Uh," feeling like a deer who was caught in the headlights, "seven."

The boy headed back into the room, and came back with two pairs of skates. He set a pair in front of each of us.

"Okay, Andi. Come on." I was led to a bench in another room where there were lockers. "I can’t believe you’ve never been roller skating. That’s just criminal." Haley muttered as she helped me to lace my skates.

"I didn’t exactly have a normal childhood filed with lots of little, excited girls, you know." She looked up at me, shaking her head.

"Then I’ll just have to make up for that."

"If I die, you can have my house." Haley chuckled, and grabbed my arm.

"Okay, now be careful. Standing will be interesting for the first time." I pushed myself up, but not much happened, other than the skates wanting to roll right out from under me. "Whoa. Hang on to me." I did.

Slowly we made our way to the skating rink, where pulsing music met us.

"God, these children are better at this than I am." I muttered. Haley chuckled.

"Come on, old woman. You can do this. It’s all about balance, and I know you have a ton of that with everything you do." She led us toward the wall, which had carpet covering the bottom half of it. I figured that was for losers like me who would be using the wall to stop myself, instead of the floor.

"Oh, shit!" The floor was far more slick than it had originally appeared, and for some reason, the wheels of my skates wanted to just take off.

"It’s okay. You’re doing fine, Andi," Haley put her arm around my waist, going slowly with me. I felt fairly safe between Haley and the wall, but still wasn’t that keen on this whole roller skating idea.

Just up ahead was a small ledge, and I greedily grabbed onto it. Haley stopped behind me.

"Um, Andi?"

"Yes?"

"See, the whole idea behind this is to actually move."

"Bite me."

"Ohh, tempting." I glanced back at her, nearly falling on my ass for the effort, and saw a lecherous grin on her face.

"Kendall’s birthday party has been set up, so anyone here for the birthday girl, head on over to the recreation room."

"Oh, thank you god! Saved by the birthday cake," I muttered. Haley chuckled, and helped me to pull my way back along the wall toward the festivities.

* * *

I headed toward the hospital, a smile upon my face, a bit of pep in my step. It was Valentine’s Day, a day and holiday which I generally despised, and sometimes ignored under the guise of forgetfulness. But not this year. I’m not even sure why, but today it meant something to me.

I smiled my way into the lab, waving at Samantha as I made my way to my office. I unlocked the door, flicked on the light, and stopped. Sitting on my desk was an envelope, the likes of which cards come in.

Brows narrowed, I sat behind my desk, and picked it up. I could hear movement near my office door, but didn’t look up. My attention was taken by the pink envelope in my hands. Biting my lower lip, I tried to decide who I thought it was from. And, how the hell had it gotten into my office?

Anyway, I ripped the top of the envelope open, and slid the card out. On the front was a big, hairy ape, his arms crossed over a massive chest. In large, red letters above his head, read:

How much do you mean to me?

Smiling, I opened the card, and black, paper ape arms sprung out at me, opened wide.

THIS MUCH! HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

I chuckled, then read the hand-written message.

Andi, you are quickly becoming my world, and that scares the crap out of me, but I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else. XOXO

I heard some giggling outside the door, and I looked up to see who had been standing there the entire time.

"Samantha?"

Giggle, giggle,

She stepped out from around the corner, a grin on her face.

"Yeah, boss?"

"Did you leave this here?" I asked, waving the card at her. She shook her head.

"Nope."

"But you know who did?" She nodded.

"Yep."

"And you’re going to tell me, right?" Again, she shook her head.

"Nope."

"Great. You’re fired." She grinned, and headed back into the lab. I read the card again, and then glanced over at the phone. Chewing on my lip again, I picked it up, and dialed the three numbers of the extension that I knew so well.

"Haley Corregan."

"You’ve got some explaining to do," I said, my voice low, menacing.

"Excuse me?" she said, sounding confused. I chuckled.

"Have you been this way this morning?" I heard a low, throaty chuckle on the other end of the line.

"Nope."

"You haven’t been to the lab today?"

"Nope."

"Are you lying?"

Silence

"Did you leave me a card today?"

"Nope."

"You didn’t leave a card here for me this morning?"

Silence

I grinned, amused at the game.

"You know, my dear, your silence says everything" I heard the chuckle on the other end of the line.

"Happy Valentine’s Day, Andi." I smiled, ear to ear as I looked at the card again, wishing so badly that Haley was in my office right now, or I was in hers so I could thank her properly.

Whoa, chick! Hey, when you stopped dreaming, you stopped living, and as long as Haley was in my life, I definitely wouldn’t stop dreaming.

"Thanks. Happy V-day to you, too."

"V-day, huh? Are we going into war?" I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Maybe. Want to send this soldier off right?" She laughed outright.

"You’re just so adorable."

"So, you busy later?" I asked, grabbing a pencil from my desk, and leaning back in my chair as I played with it.

"I am."

My mood fell like a lead balloon.

"Oh."

"Are you? Busy tonight?"

"Well, maybe."

"Oh, yeah? Got a hot date?"

"Well, I don’t know. I think my date went and got herself another one."

"Oh, ouch. Hate it when that happens. Hmm, well then that might throw a wrench in my plans for tonight."

"And, why’s that?"

"Well, if my date thinks that her date has abandoned her, then that means my date will be staying home. I can’t have her do that, now can I?"

My spirits lifted as though they’d been given a mental dose of Viagra.

"Well, then perhaps my date mislead me?"

"Perhaps. What say you head on over to my place with a bottle of wine at six-thirty?" Haley said. I smiled into the receiver, my hand reached out to the cord, fingers running along it, caressing it.

"Okay. I think I can handle that."

"Great. Well, as much as I really don’t want to go, but my nine-o’clock is here."

"Okay. See you later."

"Bye, gorgeous," she said, sending chills through me.

"Later."

* * *

I grabbed the box that was on the passenger side of the Jeep. Careful to balance it on one hand as I closed the door, and pressed the locking mechanism on my key chain. I made my way to the door, seeing the lights on in Haley’s townhouse. How was it possible that one woman, hell, anything belonging to that one woman, could put me at such ease, and make me feel better? I truly believe that anything that was ailing me, she could make it all better with just one look, or one touch.

Taking a deep, contented sigh, I knocked on the door. It didn’t take long before I heard footsteps, and then silence. I could tell I was being watched through the fisheye on her door. I stuck my tongue out, and grinned for my audience. Hearing giggles from the other side, I, too smiled.

The door opened, and Haley smiled at me.

"Hey, you," she said.

"Howdy." I reached into the box. "This is for you," I handed her the bottle of white wine I’d bought.

"Thank you much."

"This is for you," I handed her the bottle of red. "And this," a bottle of champagne.

"Are you going to try and get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?" she asked a twinkle in her eyes.

"Maybe. This is for you," I handed her a heart-shaped box of chocolates, "And finally, these." I handed her the bouquet of roses I’d picked up for her.

"Oh, Andi. God, you are so sweet." She brought them to her nose trying to balance the flowers with the armful she already had. I took the wine from her, and she took a deep breath, inhaling the beautiful scent of the roses. She smiled at me. "Thank you," she whispered, then looked to her left down the street, and then to the right, then back to me before giving me a full, loud smack on the lips.

Grinning like an idiot, I followed her inside.

I looked around, stopping where I stood. Haley had moved the couch out of the way, probably in the spare bedroom, I assumed, and had a huge, double-sized air mattress set up, piled with blankets and pillows in front of the TV, and a stack of rented movies next to it on the floor. Behind the mattress was the coffee table loaded with covered dishes that smelled absolutely divine.

"Man, that smells good. What do you have going," I reached for one of the dishes, only to have my hand smacked.

"You’ll see. It’s actually a new recipe, and I hope you like it. And, um, I hope you like this," She indicated the blankets and pillows. I grinned, nodding.

"I think it’s great, Haley. Thanks so much. This will be a blast." I glanced at the movie titles, seeing such greats as ‘When Harry Met Sally’, ‘While You Were Sleeping’, and ‘Sleepless In Seattle’

"I figured all those were appropriate," Haley said, taking the wine from me and heading into the kitchen to put the roses in water.

"So, what did you make?"

"It’s a Spanish dish called paella. Chicken, pork, shrimp, muscles, rice and tons of veggies. I really hope you like it." She called as she grabbed a couple of wine glasses.

"It sounds great, and smells even better."

"I hope so." Haley gave me a small peck before setting our glasses on the edge of the coffee table, and handing me a plate. "Load up."

Soon we both sat cross-legged on the mattress, facing each other. Haley had the heat up to a nice temperature, so we lounged around in sweat shorts, which Haley had provided, and me in a tank, her in a simple tee.

She watched, waiting for me to take the first bite, her face expectant. I wondered if she were even holding her breath.

Slipping the fork inside my mouth, I allowed my tongue to taste the myriad of different tastes, all mingled together to create a wonderful taste sensation. I closed my eyes, chewing slowly as I relished the flavors that course through my mouth.

"You have outdone yourself, Haley," I finally managed. "That is certainly worthy of a foodgasm." She looked at me, taken aback.

"A what?"

"Foodgasm. Come on, you’re a food slut. You should understand such terminology." She grinned, shaking her head.

"I’ll certainly have to keep that in mind, and I’m glad you like it." With my seal of approval firmly in place, she began to dig in to her own plate.

Not much was said as we both, famished from a long day with a missed lunch, shoveled forkful after forkful of the paella into our waiting mouths, sipping wine now and then.

Finally dinner was gone, and I was satisfied.

I smiled, as I took a deep breath.

"You really liked that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat a second helping of anything before." Haley smiled as she gathered our dishes, and we carried them to the kitchen.

"Well, it was absolutely delicious. You’ll have to give me the recipe for that."

"You’re going to cook?" she asked, looking at me over her shoulder as she loaded the dishwasher.

"Nah, I’ll give it to my mom so she can make if for me the next time I visit."

"Oh, you’re horrible." She flicked me with the dishtowel. "Ready for dessert?"

"Am I ever not?"

"True. Go pick a movie, and get it started. I’ll bring it out."

Choosing ‘When Harry Met Sally’, I stuck the tape in Haley’s VCR, and pushed play. Soon she joined me, carrying two plates holding generous pieces of black forest cake, topped with raspberries.

"Ohhh, you are a cruel woman, aren’t you," I murmured, my eyes on the cake. Haley grinned, handing me my plate.

The movie finally began after a string of trailers for movies that had long since come and gone. It always amused me how movies dated themselves by their trailers.

Dessert plates put aside, I laid back against two pillows, hands behind my head. Haley copied my position, not a hand’s width away.

"I love this movie," she said, a contented smile on her face.

"Me, too."

"I always had the biggest crush on Meg Ryan." I looked over at her, surprised.

"Really?"

"Yep. Who doesn’t? She’s beautiful, adorable, beyond cute."

"Yeah, I could see what you mean. Would you do her?" Haley’s head whipped over as she looked at me. I was grinning.

"No! She’s far too innocent for that." I laughed out loud.

"What? That whole business with Russell Crowe years ago?"

"Eh, I think she was just trying to shed her image. I mean, that must be terribly exhausting to be so damned cute all the time." I grinned, turning my attention back to the screen.

"Oh, her friend Marie. Now there’s a woman I’ve had a crush on for years."

"Carrie Fisher?"

"Yes, ma’am."

"Really?" She turned onto her side, looking at me. "Why? What is it about her that caught your eye?"

"Oh," I sighed as I thought about it. The crush had been there for so many years, I had no idea how it started now. "Well, for one, she’s cute as hell, I love her eyes. They can look so puppy dog. She’s very intelligent, and is extremely talented as a writer and a comedienne."

Haley glanced at her as she and Meg Ryan’s character talked in the bookstore right before Billy Crystal’s character shows up.

"You know what I think is amusing?"

"What’s that?" Haley asked, scooting over, closer to me, basically sharing my pillow now as we watched.

"This movie is actually relatable. You figure, they met when they were young, didn’t like each other because they were just too young, and it wasn’t the right time. So, they go their separate ways. Meet up nearly twenty years later, and voila. It all just fit then."

"Hmm, yeah, I can see it. At least we liked each other when we were young."

"Isn’t that the truth."

Haley moved, sticking her legs on me, particularly her feet, which blocked a lot of my view of the screen.

"Um, excuse me, Haley?"

"Yes, Andi?"

"Your feet make a fantastic door."

"Oh, good." She wiggled her toes. Getting an evil thought, I lunged up, grabbing her legs, and began attacking her feet, Haley yelling the entire time, trying to get me off of them, but unable to as she was wracked with laughter. "Stop!" she cried, pulling weakly at my hands and arms.

"Nope," I tickled harder, trying to keep up with the struggling bull beneath me, when finally we fell off the mattress, which gave Haley a chance to get away, and turn back on me, her fingers digging into my sides. "Oh, god!" My eyes squeezed shut, trying to breathe through my laughter as I struggled to get away or get even.

We ended up rolling nearly across the living room, headed toward the back wall where the coffee table was.

SMACK!

"Shit!"

Haley rolled over, curled up into a ball on the floor, cradling her head, and groaning.

"Oh, Haley. Oh, man. Are you okay?" I quickly made my way over to her, gathering her head gently onto my lap. She held her upper forehead, eyes closed in pain. "Ah, jeez. I’m sorry,"

"Oh, man. That table is hard," she whined.

"Do you want some ice?" She took her hand away, looking at it.

"No. I think I’m okay. No blood, just a good bruise, I’m sure."

"Yeah, I imagine you’ll have a nice goose egg in the morning. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Or a head." She grinned, her eyes still closed. "How about some Tylenol? Stave off the pain now?"

"No, thanks, Andi. I’ve got a hard head." She exhaled a breath, feeling around. "Yeah, I can already feel a small bump."

"You poor thing." I held her to me, rocking her gently. She grabbed my arm, hugging it, a smile on her face. She turned herself so her head was laying in my lap, staring up at me.

I looked at her, taking in her features, those incredible eyes. So blue.

"Did you know that you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen? Hell, I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." She smiled up at me, shaking her head. "It’s true. Look at those eyes. Wow," I whispered. "I bet you use them as quite the weapon, don’t you?"

She looked up at me with the most sensuous look, her eyes half-lidded, burning into mine with such intensity.

"Whatever do you mean?" she asked, her voice a mere purr. A shiver shot through me. She smiled, looking up at me.

"You vixen." She smiled.

"You should talk, though, Andi." She reached a hand up, caressing the side of my face. "You’re so beautiful. You know, I feel rather stupid admitting this, but during my last year of grad school, some friends and I managed to scrape some money together, and during spring break we took a three-day cruise around the Caribbean. One morning I woke particularly early for some reason, so I got up and went to the deck of the ship. My hands on the rail, I looked out into the water. As I did, you came to mind, and for a moment I was confused. I hadn’t seen you in a long time by that point, but still, there you were. It took me a moment, but then I understood. It was the water, that beautiful, calm, blue-green water. It matched your eyes so perfectly."

I smiled down at her, never wanting to be anywhere else. I felt drawn to her, that beautiful face, and even more beautiful heart. Our lips touched, gently, just a taste. Haley pulled away, sitting up, and turning to face me. She sat in front of me, our knees touching. She looked at me, her eyes traveling from mine to my lips, then back to my eyes. I leaned in, and so did she, until we met halfway. Her hand came up to me, her fingers losing themselves in the hair at the nape of my neck, mine resting against her knee, kneading the skin it found there.

The kiss was sweet, our lips opening to each other, hot breath being exchanged as our mouths moved together. I could feel my heart pounding, my body pulsing, matching the beat. I tingled all over as my fingers began to caress her leg, Haley’s hand pushing on my head, bringing me in as close as possible. Haley tilted her head slightly, allowing our lips that much more contact.

But, just as suddenly as the kiss had began, it ended. Haley slowly pulled back, her eyes still closed, a soft smile on her face. She finally opened her eyes, looking at me.

"Let’s finish the movie," she whispered. I nodded, forgetting the movie had even played on.

We made our way back to the mattress, Haley laying on her back, her hand on her head indicating that it still ached from the hit she’d taken. I laid next to her, my head on her shoulder, arm across her stomach, fingers tucked underneath her side. I marveled at the fact that she was the only woman I had ever laid like this with. I wasn’t much for being the cuddler. If someone wanted to lay on my shoulder or whatever, so be it. But, I never felt the need for the comfort and security such a position offered.

Until now.

We watched as Billy Crystal , finally realizing he is in love with Sally, runs toward the New Year’s party where she’s at.

"Oh, I love this part," Haley said, her arm around my shoulders tightened its grip, hugging me closer. Finally Harry and Sally admitted their love, and then they talked about their wedding, and the cake with the chocolate sauce on the side. "Aww, man that gets me." Haley said, bringing a hand up to her eye. I lifted myself onto an elbow, my body still against hers. I looked down at her.

"Are you crying?"

"No," she sniffled. I grinned.

"You are so adorable."

"I’m a big sap."

"Yes, but you’re still adorable." I looked down at her face, and she looked up at me, still swiping at her eye. I smiled, then my eyes traveled, taking in all of her. She laid on her back, one leg raised, her foot flat against the mattress. Her legs, long and strong, a bit of tan left over from last summer. The hand that wasn’t resting on my back was laying on her stomach where mine had been. My gaze traveled up further, her breathing even and steady, making her chest rise and fall, her breasts bulging against the material of the shirt, her neck, long and beautiful. I remember how soft that neck is.

Finally I looked into her eyes. She was studying me.

"I don’t understand why people use this phrase, but right now it seems appropriate. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are so sensuous." A small smile turned up the corners of her mouth, adding to the sexiness.

She brought a hand up to the side of my head.

"I’ve been told that before," she said, her voice low, her eyes trailing all over my face, "but it never really mattered, or affected me." She looked into my eyes. "Are you affected?" I nodded. Her hand found the back of my head, pulling me down.

Balancing on my elbow, I brought my lips to hers, my eyes closing immediately as the kiss began. I tilted my head to the side, opening my lips to her, feeling her hand wandering around in my hair, the side of my neck. I brought just the tip of my tongue out, swiping at the inside of her top lip. She sucked in a breath, and pulled me even closer, rolling over onto her side so we lay body to body. My hand went to her back, pulling her even closer, the kiss turning to liquid fire as passion began to overtake it.

Haley moved her leg so it rested just barely between mine, my leg bending just a bit, to rise above hers.

Our breathing was loud, heavy, and out of control, much like the kiss itself. She pressed her tongue against mine, both wagering for dominance.

God, the fire spread through me faster than any wildfire, lighting me aflame as it went. To my surprise I felt Haley’s hips begin to move, just a bit, but definitely noticeable. Her breasts pressed to mine, stomach, hips, all of it. My own body began to move in response, aching for release, aching for what it had been craving all these years.

God, I just wanted to take her entirely inside me, and keep her there, but instinctively I knew she wasn’t ready for this. Not yet.

I stilled my body, well, did my best to, and slowed the kiss, bringing it down to a dull roar, rubbing soothing circles on her back, instead of my hand being planted firmly on her ass.

Breathing heavily, I pulled away all together, trying to get my heart rate under control.

Haley seemed to understand, as she closed her eyes, taking several deep breaths.

"Wow," she exhaled. I smiled. "Where did you learn to kiss like that?" She opened her eyes, looking at me. I shrugged.

"Years of practice, I guess."

"No one’s kiss has ever affected me the way yours does. My god. I’ve never felt anything like it."

"Ditto here."

"Really?" She smiled almost sheepishly.

"Definitely. You drive me wild, Haley."

"Good." She buried her head into my neck, my cheek resting against hers, my hand caressing the side of her face, fingers brushing back her hair. "What do you say we head to bed?" she said, her hand caressing my shoulder. "After all, we both do have work tomorrow."

"Okay." I said, patting her arm before I pulled away. She looked up at me, grinning.

"Just sleep."

"Who are you trying to convince, lady?" She grinned. I tried to stand, but my legs were literally shaking, feeling like I was trying to walk on sticks of rubber. "Whoa," I flopped back down on the mattress.

"Did I do that to you?" Haley asked, scooting up to sit behind me.

"I’m afraid so. What did you put in that kiss, anyway?" I leaned back against her, reveling in the feel of her.

"My heart," she whispered into my ear. I smiled, hugging her arms tighter around me.

Eventually we both were able to stand, and gathered up the mess, folding blankets, Haley letting the air out of the mattress. She looked at me.

"Did you have a nice Valentine’s Day, Andi?" I stopped folding the blanket I was working on, and looked at her.

"The best I’ve ever had," I said quietly.

"Really?" I nodded.

"Really." She grinned, ear to ear.

"Me, too."

* * *

Winter was coming to an end as March marched into town, bringing lots of rain with it, washing the snow away for the most part, though we still got the occasional storm or five.

It was one of those rare Saturdays when Haley hadn’t stayed over, or I hadn’t stayed over her place. We had decided to give each other some space last night, and on one hand it had been nice, but on both feet, it had sucked. We were getting nearer and nearer to the day when she would fly out of my life, and my state. I tried not to think about it, but knew it was inevitable, and coming quickly.

Just returning from my Saturday morning class, I had changed into a pair of shorts and a tank, and decided to clean the house. Last night had been Bunsen and me night. That poor dog was so confused. I was gone so often, returning from time to time to feed him and take him outside. I knew in his own doggy way he was upset with me. So, last night we had played every game known to man and mutt. We both had thoroughly enjoyed it.

Now, as I mopped the kitchen floor, I heard the doorbell. Leaning the mop against the counter, I hurried over to it, opening the door only to nearly be run over by a very agitated Haley. She was loaded with energy, barely able to keep still.

"Hi," she said, looking at me, kissing me on the lips, then walking right past me, only to start pacing in front of the coffee table. Bunsen watched her, sitting on his haunches, head cocked to the side.

"Um, are you okay?" I closed the front door, and walked over to her. "Come on, let’s sit."

"No, I need to pace. I’ve got entirely too much energy."

"Okay. I’ll sit." I sat on the couch, watching her. "What happened?"

"I did it," she said, looking at me. Confused, my brows drew.

"Did what?"

"I told them." I still didn’t get what she was talking about.

"Told who, what?"

"My parents!" she said, as if I should be able to read her mind. Whatever was I thinking. Then it hit me. My eyes widened.

"Wait, did you tell them what I think you told them?"

"How am I supposed to know what you’re thinking? I can’t read your mind." I chuckled.

"Does it have anything to do with, well, this new you?" She smiled, nodded. She had a wild smile on her face, like she was loaded with fire.

"I called Holden a few days ago, and told him first."

"Wait, what exactly did you tell him?" I stood, walked around to the front of the coffee table, sitting on the edge of it to be closer to her.

"I told him about us, you and me. I was pretty afraid at first, thinking he’d have a reaction similar to Chris’, but Andi, he was totally cool with it, and he still wants me to go to their wedding in September!" She was so excited, her hands constantly moving, her speech fast and filled with energy. "So he told his fiancé, and she was cool with it, too, so then he talked me into telling my mom and dad, and I was worried about doing that, what with my father being sick and everything, but then I decided that I wanted him to know, so I drove over there this morning, and I just came back from there, and my mom made her world-famous waffles for us, but that doesn’t matter, so I told them."

She stopped, taking several deep breaths as her lungs had reached their capacity for words. She looked at me expectantly.

"Wow." I said, running a hand through my hair. "I’ll never be able to look your parents in the face again."

"You’re not upset with me, are you?"

"Oh, no! Honey, I was only kidding. What did they say?"

"Well, to be honest, my mom cried at first, not understanding me, saying how I always had nice men in my life. But my father, oh, he was wonderful." She smiled, sitting down next to me, the table creaking under our combined weight.

"Couch?"

"Couch." We moved over to it, and I held her hand as she continued. "I think he can understand, being into women himself, and also with his current condition, I think he’s really learned to find happiness wherever you can. I really do think my mom will be okay. I think she’s just a little shocked right now."

I looked down for a moment, a selfish thought entering my mind. If she was willing to admit to her folks about us, which meant about herself, that meant that when she got back to California, she’d be willing to try other women. I had no say, but it still was a daunting thought.

Shaking it away to examine later, I looked at her, a smile on my face, though it was forced.

"I’m very proud of you, Haley. That took guts." I rubbed her hand with both of mine. "And whoever you bestow this gift upon is one lucky woman."

She looked at me, confused.

"Andi, what are you talking about? You’re that woman. I thought I had made that clear."

"What? Haley, we’ll be living in separate states."

"So? People have long-distant relationships all the time." She looked at me with such childish innocence and trust.

"I can’t do that to you, Haley. I can’t be so selfish as to limit your new experiences. You deserve to be able to spread your wings and try out flight."

"Hey, shouldn’t that be my choice?" I looked down, nodding. "Come with me, Andi," she whispered.

"Haley, please,"

"No, no, I’m not asking for you to move. Come with me to Holden’s wedding in September." I looked up at her, surprised. "Please? I really want you there."

I smiled, nodding. "Of course, Haley. I’d love to go." She grinned.

"He wants to meet you again now."

"Oh, jeez." She laughed, taking me into her arms.

"It’ll all work out, Andi. Besides, I do have to come back in July for Linda’s concert."

"Yeah. That’ll be fun. So, Holden is going to take over taking care of your dad, right?" Haley nodded.

"Yep. He’ll take over for the next year."

* * *

We laid in bed, having had dinner with Holden and his fiancé. It had been fun. Holden had turned into quite the looker, just like his sister.

I was laying on my side, Haley laying on her back, the covers ending at her waist. My heart was still racing after the make-out session we’d just had. Damn, that woman could kiss. She was still looking at me with those half-lidded eyes, so damned sexy.

My eyes trailed down her body until they landed on her breasts. I could tell she was still turned on, the small peaks stretching her shirt even tighter across her breasts. Getting an evil idea, I reached my hand up under the shirt, resting it on the warm skin of her stomach. Haley watched me, her eyes going from my hand up to my eyes, and back.

"I love these things, you know," I said quietly, my hand snaking its way up, feeling just the rounded underside of her breast.

"Oh, yeah?" I nodded.

"Oh, yeah." My fingertips ran all along the curves, the skin sinfully soft and smooth.

"Be careful," she said, her voice more than a little breathy. "Those are pretty sensitive."

"And this is a problem because..." I looked at her, daring her to do something as my fingers began to trail circles around the breast, moving in a little closer to the bull’s-eye with each pass.

"Well, I just don’t know. I guess you’ll have to wait and see."

"I’m a gambling girl. Sure, why not." My fingers passed just over the tightened skin, making Haley suck in a breath, her hips immediately shooting off the bed. "Ohhh, I like that." I made another pass, suddenly finding myself on my back, and Haley straddling me. Her mouth was fierce, taking what it wanted, her hands pinning me to the mattress. I could barely breath, but I didn’t care. My body began to buck up into hers, when with a groan from me, she pulled away, removing herself from me, but laying beside me, holding herself up on her elbow.

She was grinning down at me, who was completely breathless.

"I warned you." She grinned.

"Whoa. No shit." She looked at my body, my tank halfway pulled up my stomach. She brought a hand to me, running her nails across my skin, sending chills up my spine, yet again. The nails made their way up under my shirt, right up between my breasts, and out the neckline of the shirt, up my throat and to my chin, fingertips resting against my lips. I kissed it, then it snaked its way back down, stopping at my breasts.

I knew that Haley had no experience with these, except for mine so many years ago. I lay still, letting her explore.

"Breasts are truly amazing," she mused, running her fingers all around mine, doing what I had done to her, slow circles under my shirt, getting closer to my nipple with every circle. "Calming and comforting from a mother, and sexy as hell from a lover."

"You have no idea," I breathed, my eyes closing as her fingers took the nipple between them, gently squeezing, tugging. My breathing was shallow at best, my body moving to the rhythm she was setting.

"It seems as though you’re pretty sensitive, too." She chuckled, I nodded.

"Yup. And just a warning, but if you don’t stop soon, you’ll get more than you bargained for."

Again that evil chuckle. Haley took her hands away from me, and kissed me, soft, calming.

"Let’s go to sleep," she whispered against my lips. I nodded, getting myself under control.

I could tell we were both in a lot of pain that night.

* * *

They say time marches on, waiting for no man nor beast. And certainly for no broken heart.

I sat on a box of blankets, supposed to be taping it up and labeling it, but I couldn’t bring myself to even breathe, yet alone do this simple task. I held Fred, Haley’s original Koosh, in my hands, the colorful rubber spines tickling my fingers as I turned it over and over.

Finally, knowing time was short, I stood, turning to the box, and did what I was asked. I could hear Haley upstairs, pulling clothes from the closet, and putting them into boxes or garment bags. I looked around the living room, the TV and all other electronics already packed away. The empty entertainment system stared at me, almost mocking me with the holes, once filled with VCRs and DVD players, and her stereo.

I picked up the box that I had just filled, taped and labeled, and headed outside.

It was the second week of May, and it was a beautiful day. Yet anther thing to mock me.

I set the box on the back bumper of my Jeep, and slid it in next to the others. The plan was to head to Winston so Haley could stop on the way and say goodbye to Kendall, and then to my mother. We’d stop at a post office somewhere along the way to ship this stuff to California.

Leaning against the back bumper, I felt my chest tighten, my eyes close from the pain. I felt so lost already, my heart broken, what felt like, beyond repair. Then I felt the familiar stinging behind my eyes. I had done so much of this lately.

Taking several deep breaths, I tried to get myself under control. I didn’t want to fall apart in front of Haley.

I headed back into the house, seeing Haley gathering stuff from the dining room table, putting it in boxes. She looked at me. I could see how red her eyes were. From fresh tears. I smiled at her, she smiled back, then turned back to what she was doing. I turned my attention to the few things that hung on the walls. I’d always wondered why this place looked as though she hadn’t fully moved in.

I smiled ruefully. Now I knew.

She had more boxes stacked, ready to be labeled and loaded. Without words between us, we made a quick, efficient team. Times like this I wished I were an incompetent dolt.

Dutifully I carried box after box out until the Jeep was completely loaded, even with one of the back seats folded down. I had to make enough room for Kendall to be able to sit, but other than that, we were full.

I headed back into the house, looked around.

"Is that it?"

"Yeah." Haley stacked a few boxes next to the door. "All that’s left is my bed, and what’s going to my parent’s house."

"Okay, that’s good. We’re full."

Haley sighed, tired, just like me. She looked at me, her hands in the back pockets of her shorts, hair bound up on top of her head.

"Are you ready?" I nodded, leading the way out to my car. I felt like I was leading a funeral march, burying that part of me that had effectively been killed. You don’t know how often I thought about the fact that we could be packing my stuff right now, too, and this could be a happy time; a time of new beginnings.

But, I’d made my bed, and it was time to lie in it. I just hoped none of the nails would leave scars.

We piled in, the slamming of the doors reminding me of that of a prison cell door. Yeah, I knew I was being pretty dramatic, but that’s how I felt; everything was exaggerated right now. Every sense, every feeling, every pain.

The drive toward Winston was very quiet, subdued. I wanted to believe that it was equally hard for Haley. She leaned against the passenger door, watching the scenery fly by, her hand resting on my leg. In the last few weeks, it was rare when we were together for her not to be touching me in some way. I had reveled in it, needing the support and connection as much as she did, yet I had began to pull away, too. I had started to notice it one night about two weeks ago.

Earlier I had not really allowed myself to think about Haley’s leaving. After the initial pain and shock of hearing it, I had successfully pushed it out of my mind. I was good at that. But soon there was just no way of doing that, anymore. It was real, it would happen, and it was coming.

So, what better way than to just start steeling myself for it now.

"Andi?" I glanced at Haley, shaking myself out of my melancholy thoughts. Might as well save some for later.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," she said, her voice quiet and gentle.

"For what?" She smiled, shrugging.

"Just for being you. For helping me. For not hating me."

"I don’t hate you, Haley. Quite the opposite, really. I hurt, as I’m sure you are, but I do understand. Were I in your situation, I imagine I’d be doing the same thing."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Yes. We both have responsibilities, and though I think our priorities could use some serious work, we do have separate lives."

Haley said nothing, but did squeeze my thigh, running her fingers over the skin there.

Soon we reached the Torrini’s place. Kendall knew we were coming, but didn’t know why. I had already talked with Michelle and Vince, asking for permission to take Kendall with me to California over the summer.

The front door opened as we made our way up the path. Michelle appeared in the door, a smile on her face. She reached for Haley, hugging her, and patting her on the back.

"Good luck, Haley."

"Thank you. And thanks for letting Kendall come visit." Michelle squeezed Haley’s hand and smiled.

"Andi! Haley!" Small but loud feet came tearing down the staircase, and then one excited little girl appeared.

"Hey, you!" I knelt down, taking her into my arms, and gave her a monster hug. Then the girl turned to Haley, who hugged her tight, blue eyes closed. I figured this would be painful for Haley, as well.

Vince shook Haley’s hand, then we were off. We managed to fit my daughter, who questioned the reason for all the boxes, into the back, and headed for her favorite place to eat.

I sat across from Haley and Kendall, wanting to give Haley as much opportunity to be with her as possible. I truly believe that she loved Kendall as if she were her own daughter. That was enough to make me love Haley that much more.

They chatted a little about school, and what Kendall planned to do over the summer, and if she was excited for school to end. We ate in peace until finally, all of us finished, Haley turned to the girl.

"Kendall, um, honey, I need to tell you something."

"Okay," Kendall said, happily sucking her thick, chocolate milkshake down.

"I’m moving." The girl looked at her.

"What?"

"I’m going back to California, honey. That’s where I came from, where I lived before I came here last summer."

"You’re leaving?" I could see Kendall was deeply upset by this, her green eyes beginning to fill, her brows knitting together so much like my own when I was upset. "But why? Don’t you want to be Andi’s friend, anymore?"

"Oh, sweetie. I’ll always be Andi’s friend, and yours, too." Tears began to stream down Kendall’s face. She turned to look at me, and I smiled at her, then she turned back to Haley.

"I don’t want you to go, Haley. I don’t want you to leave me."

That was all I could take. I stood, and quickly headed for the bathroom. I always knew that even though me and Torrinis tried to do the absolute best for Kendall, there was still going to be some damage there, and I had always wondered about her feelings of abandonment. God, when was I going to stop hurting my daughter?

I leaned against the sink, my head hung as I held my breath, trying to get my emotions under control. There was no way in hell I was going to let Kendall see me upset. She was already in enough pain, and confused, as it was.

Kendall was quiet as we drove back to the Torrini’s. Every once in a while I could hear her quietly sniffling. I would glanced at her every once in a while in the rearview mirror, sometimes she’d meet my gaze, but often, she was leaning on her hand, staring out the window as night began to fall.

We reached her house, and she quietly got out of the car, walking around to my side. I got out, and knelt down, holding her to me tightly, my hand on the back of her head, caressing her hair, and then kissed her cheek.

"I’ll talk to you later, kiddo. Okay?" She nodded at me, then turned to Haley who had also gotten out, and stood nearby. I got back into the car, giving them some time. I could see Haley’s mouth moving, Kendall nodding once in a while, a tear sliding down her cheek. Haley wiped it away, then hugged her.

Finally I had to look away. I heard Haley get in the Jeep, but didn’t look at her.

"Post office it is," she said, her voice quiet, shaky. I looked at her. She had a hand over her mouth as she stared out into the early dusk.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She nodded, taking a deep breath, and removing her hand.

"God, that was hard. I had no idea just how much that little girl had gotten inside, you know?" She turned to me. I nodded.

"Indeed, I do."

Haley shelled out a couple hundred dollars to have all of her stuff shipped back home to meet her when she flew out in three days.

Tuesday. That was the day. It was Saturday night, and I felt like I was being held in a vice, not able to move or act, or react.

We headed to my mom’s. I had taken Haley home off and on over the past few months, and my mom had been delighted to see her every single time. I think of anyone in the world, she would have loved to see Haley stick around. I hear you , mom.

"Mom?" I called as I let us in the house.

"In the kitchen, hon," she called out. We made out way in there to see that she was cutting up some chicken for dinner. She quickly washed her hands, and turned to us. She smiled, but it was sad. She made eye contact with me, silently asking if I was okay. I nodded, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest, watching.

"So this is it, huh?" my mom asked Haley, who nodded.

"Yeah."

"When does your flight leave?"

"Tuesday at three."

"Do you need a ride to the airport, honey?" My mom tossed the dishtowel she’d been drying her hands with, aside, and walked over to Haley.

"No. I’ve been using my dad’s old car this last year, and so I’ll drive myself, leaving it at the airport. My brother will pick it up later." My mom nodded.

"You tell your mom and dad if they need anything, if your mom needs a break, or whatever, she better give me a call."

Haley smiled, nodding. She walked over to my mom, taking her in a large hug, laying her head on my mom’s shoulder.

"Thanks," she said, her voice quiet. My mom leaned in and whispered something in Haley’s ear. Haley nodded, and smiled at my mom.

"You take care, honey. I’m going to miss you, and I know that one will, too." She nodded toward me.

"I’ll miss you, too, and I will definitely miss that one." Haley looked at me, her eyes filling.

The drive home was a quiet one, again. I don’t think either of us had much to say. Haley cried off and on, her tears silent, but there. I left my hand on her leg as much as possible, trying to give her any sort of comfort I could. Why are you doing this, Haley? Why? I wanted to scream this over and over again, but I knew the answer, and figured there was no reason to torment her soul any more than it already was.

I pulled up into her driveway, and left the car running. I turned to her. She was already looking at me.

"Um, I think I’m going to go home tonight. I need to be alone." She looked at me, stunned.

"Oh, okay. Um, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then?" The hope in her voice nearly killed me. I nodded.

"Yeah."

"See you then." She brushed her fingers across my face, looking at me, as though she were trying to soak it all in, burn my image onto her brain. She leaned in, gently kissing me, then let herself out of the Jeep.

I cried on the entire trip home, then cried myself to sleep.

* * *

In some ways time seemed to drag on, and in all the wrong ways, it flew by. It was Sunday, and I had promised Haley that I would help her clean the townhouse before she left.

Dressing in a grungy pair of sweat shorts, and tank, I pulled a baseball hat on my head, grabbed some old rags from the garage, and headed over, for what I knew would be the last time.

I waited on the front porch, my first knock unanswered. Finally I heard footsteps inside, and the door was pulled open. Haley met me, her eyes red and swollen, a glass of juice in her hand.

"Hey," she said, her voice rough from too much crying. I could relate.

"Hi. The cleaning crew is here." I gave her a weak grin. She stepped back, allowing me to enter. I could smell the cleaning products as soon as I entered, seeing that the place was spotless. "I thought you wanted help?"

Haley shrugged, walking over toward the kitchen, setting her glass down on the counter.

"I had to have something to keep me busy last night."

"I’m sorry I couldn’t help." I watched her for a moment, her back still to me. With a sigh, I walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, feeling her fall gently back into me. I closed my eyes, my chin resting on her shoulder.

"It’s okay. This way we can just spend some time together. If you want."

"I do want." I looked around, seeing how empty it all was. "This place looks so big with nothing in it."

"I know. That’s why I bought it. Lots of space."

I tensed as I could feel the emotion rise in my throat. I was so damn tired of this. Why couldn’t I be the stone cold bitch I had been for year? Nothing affected that woman, and no one affected that woman.

Damn you, Haley Corregan.

I squeezed a little tighter, really feeling the tears come, now. Seeing this empty place, knowing that all of Haley’s things used to fill these rooms. Haley used to fill these rooms, and she never would again.

A sob tore from my throat, and my eyes squeezed shut, the hot, burning tears making their way down my face, one after the other, my throat choked up as more sobs fought to get out.

Haley turned around in my arms, hugging me to her, holding me close, my shaking body.

"Don’t go, Haley," I sobbed. "Please? Stay?" I looked up at her, trying to make sense of her image through my wall of tears. I could feel her body shake as she, too, began to cry. She shook her head.

"Don’t do this, Andi. Please, don’t do this," she begged.

"Why can’t you stay? You can find a place around here to practice. You know the hospital will take you back in a heartbeat!"

"Don’t, don’t, don’t," she whispered, her forehead against mine, our tears falling until I didn’t know whose belonged to whom, the salty taste upon my lips.

I cupped her face, and pulled her to me, taking her mouth, desperate, hungry, needing to feel her, to connect with her, to let her know how much I needed her. All the things I couldn’t say with words.

Haley’s arms wrapped themselves around my neck, pulling me to her, crushing me to her. Our mouths fought for what, we didn’t know. All I knew was I needed her. And I loved her.

The tears kept coming as the kiss deepened, the passion of the moment, matching the depth of our pain, making us try and devour each other.

After long moments, I pulled away from her, sniffling, and taking her hand. I turned, leading us toward the stairs, neither of us saying a word.

In what had once been Haley’s bedroom now stood only the rabbit hutch, and the frame of the bed, a single mattress resting on it. Everything else, including the headboard, had already been moved out.

I turned to Haley, both of us standing at the end of the bed, the dying sunlight streaming in through the one window. Haley looked at me, her eyes filled with so much, it was hard to discern. Love, fear, sadness and desire.

I kissed her gently on the lips, then pulled away, my hands going to her tee, slowly lifting it from the bottom. She obediently lifted her arms, and I pulled the shirt over her head, and tossed it to the floor. I could see her nipples were erect through the material of her bra. I took a step closer to her, wrapping my arms around her, my fingers working with the hooks of it.

As I worked at it, Haley lowered her head, and caught my lips, her hands moving to my tank, sliding up underneath to caress my back. The kiss was slow, neither of us in a hurry as we tasted, felt, explored.

The bra came loose, and I brought my hands up to her shoulder, fingers touching the strap of it, gently pushing them down off her shoulder, and down her arms. She closed her eyes as her breasts were exposed to me.

I brought my hands up, touching them, just above the curve, taking in a breath at the softness of them. I had waited so long for this. I wanted her to go away knowing that I did care, I do care.

Bending my head down, I nuzzled the erect nipple with my lips, smiling at the sharp intake of breath. I felt Haley’s hands in my hair, running her fingers through it. I slid my tongue out, just the tip, and swiped it across the rigid peak of one of the breasts, then took the entire nipple into my mouth, gently sucking it in.

"Oh, god," Haley moaned. "Baby, I want to feel you. Please."

With one last lick, I looked at her, seeing the fire that burned in her eyes, causing fresh sparks to boil my blood.

Feeling suddenly very urgent, I grabbed her shorts, tugging them down her legs, as she kicked them off, and I tugged at my own, desperate to get them off, feeling as if they were constraining me.

We met again, our naked bodies coming together, causing Haley to moan, our kiss fiery and desperate, hands everywhere, Haley thrusting herself into me. I turned and pushed her onto the mattress, the urgency taking over as I spread her legs, fitting myself between them, pressing a hand to her, feeling how ready for me she was. God, she was so wet.

Pressing against her, taking her, letting her know she belonged to me, no matter what happened, I didn’t want her to ever forget this, or me.

She screamed out as she came, clutching me with claw-like fingers, but I didn’t care. Our mouths came together, her tongue forcing its way into mine, rolling us over so she was laying on top of me. She brought her mouth to my breast, slowly, unsure of what she was doing, she took my painfully hard nipple into her mouth, the warmth of it adding even more anguish to my aching body, and sucking on it as I had done hers.

My eyes closed, my hips bucking off the bed. I had nearly come when she had, and was certainly on the verge now. I reached down, taking her hand, and shoving it between my legs. Getting the hint, Haley used her fingers, at first feeling around.

"My god. You’re so wet, so hot," She looked at me with awe and wonder. "All because of me?" I nodded.

"Oh, yeah,"

She turned her attention back to my breast, getting bolder with every thrust of my body as her fingers played, paying careful attention to what made me jump or moan the most, and then sticking with it, stroking me until she left my breast, and watched her hand at work, fascinated by what she was capable of doing with just two fingers.

I clutched the sheets in my hands, my head arching back, eyes closed as I exploded. In moments I felt Haley on top of me, a hot tongue on my neck, licking and sucking its way up to my ear, then sucking on the lobe, my legs wrapping themselves around her waist, pulling her body into mine.

Haley’s mouth found my own as she began to press against me, the pressure on her pubic bone from mine, making her move a little. I could feel wetness gathering again, but had no idea if it was mine, or if it was hers. I knew I was ready again, so figured it was both.

Haley pushed herself to her elbows, moving her hips against me, my legs unwrapping themselves from around her, but spreading wider so more of me was exposed to her. She groaned, thrusting harder against me, my hands trailing down her back, what nails I did have finding purchase in the skin. Her mouth found mine again, our breathing heavy, nearly stopping our kissing all together as we fought to breathe.

I could feel the building sensations again, and knew I was really close, and from the momentum that Haley was getting, I knew she was, too. She slammed into me, our bellies slapping together as she thrust, harder and harder until she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, mouth open as she exploded, me not far behind.

I pulled Haley to me, her body completely collapsing onto mine. I wrapped myself around her, needing to feel her close, her naked skin, everything about her. I could smell our combined scents in the air; this only added to my libido, but right now all I wanted to do was hold her.

My hands ran up and down her back, tracing random patterns on her skin when I felt her body shake, wracking against me.

I pulled her to me, understanding without her having to say a word. I began to caress her hair, my fingers getting lost in the dark, tangled strands, then I pushed, turning us over so Haley was laying on the bed. She looked up at me, her eyes an electric blue from the crying. I kissed her gently, her kissing me back, her hands on my skin, running her nails over my arms, shoulders and back.

I placed a leg between hers, and gently, slowly began to move my body. Immediately I felt her moving, too. The rhythm was slow, lazy. The last thought in my mind was to make either of us come. I just wanted to make love to her, show her through my movements, my body, share with her. She seemed to understand that. The sobbing quieted until it stopped, though tears still streamed from her eyes.

Haley’s hand trailed up to the back of my head and neck, her body slowly rocking with mine, her other hand trying to touch as much of my body as possible, as our mouths stayed connected.

The kiss was slow, yet extremely powerful. It was slow movement of lips, tongue, the slight tilt of our heads, the graceful thrust of our hips.

As Haley continued to cry, I broke the kiss, and laid my head against her neck, burying my face in the warm, salty skin, kissing every once in a while. Eventually our bodies slowed, and stopped all together.

"I love you, Andi," she whispered. I kissed the side of her neck.

"I love you, too, Haley."

As Haley lay in my arms asleep, the sun fell peacefully behind the horizon. Our day was over.

I closed my eyes, hugged Haley tighter to me, and fell asleep.

* * *

Being as quiet as I could, I pulled my tank over my head, not even bothering with my bra, and then tugged the shorts up. I glanced over at her. She slept, laying on her stomach, covered only by the sheet, her face facing me. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful.

Pulling on my sneakers, I walked over to the bed, bending over, and placed a single kiss on her lips.

"Goodbye, Haley," I whispered, and hurried out.

It was Monday, and I had called in sick. Never had I, except for the day my child was born, and then Haley walks into my life, and I’m out once a week.

I smiled at the irony of it all.

The truth of the matter was I didn’t want to see Haley. I had said my goodbyes, and anything else would hurt entirely too much.

So, I had spent the day at home, or out with Bunsen, getting some sun, trying to find a way to put my heart back together so I could go on, and start living as soon as possible.

As the day started to come to an end, I headed downstairs. I was still so loaded with emotions and loss, I needed to find some way of release.

Pulling on my tank and a pair of mesh shorts, I taped my hands, and began a hard, tiring workout on my bag that hung from a beam in the basement. I punched and hit and kicked, yelling out with each contact I made, trying to do all but demolish my enemy, my demon that wouldn’t let go.

I stopped, out of breath, and my hair falling in sweaty strands in my eyes. I thought I had heard something. I listened...

Ding dong

My heart fell, and I felt my eyes sting. I knew who it was as Bunsen barked his little head off. I couldn’t answer it.

Ding dong

I held my breath, my racing heart nearly blocking any sound from coming in, but finally I head a door slam, and a car engine start.

Closing my eyes, I plopped down on the mat, my head in my hands.

* * *

I walked into the hospital, my mind already racing to what had happened, and what progress had been made on the research since our new equipment had been installed. With all the nonsense of last week, I hadn’t had much time to play with the new toys.

I pushed the lab door open to see Samantha already at work. She glanced over at me, and smiled.

"Hey, doc. Are you feeling better?"

"I’ll survive." I said, heading for my office. I brought my keys out, and unlocked the door, flipping on the light, and stopping in my tracks.

On the desk sat a Koosh ball, sitting on a piece of paper. Slowly I walked over to it, setting my keys down, and sitting in the chair, my eyes never leaving the Koosh.

Taking a deep breath, all my carefully placed reserve cracking with each ticking of the clock, I grabbed the toy, feeling the familiar spines, knowing the last hand they had touched had been hers.

Placing the Koosh aside, I picked up the folded piece of paper, and read it:

I will always love you. Here’s a small piece of me to carry around with you.

Toward the bottom of the note was carefully printed,

I had hoped for a different outcome.

I lowered my head, taking several deep breaths, my hand blindly reaching out to grab the Koosh.

"Andi?"

I looked up when I heard the soft voice. Samantha stood in the doorway, her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. I said nothing, blinking as I tried to push the tears back down into their little compartment away from everything else.

"Yeah?"

"I just want you to know, if you need to talk, I’m here for you. Okay?"

I smiled, nodding.

"Thanks, Samantha. I’m fine." I stood, grabbing my own lab coat, and slipping it on. "Come on; we’ve got work to do." I began to head out of the office, but grabbed the Koosh, slipping it into my pocket.

The morning went on, and I slipped back into the world I knew so well, and pulled off without a hitch, losing myself in my work, letting the science take me over. It was a great thought deterrent.

The research was back online, and we were starting to make progress again.

"Samantha, I’m going to grab some coffee. Want anything from the cafeteria?"

"Yeah, grab me one of those banana muffins they have."

"Will do."

I headed out, whistling softly to myself as I did. It was nearly lunch time, eleven-thirty, but I knew I wouldn’t be taking any lunches today. I had a lot of work to catch up on, and today I planned to make history for me. I wanted so badly to finally get what I’d always been after, and unlock the mysteries of the body. We were so close now.

The cafeteria was buzzing with pre-lunch voices. There were only maybe a dozen people there, between visitors and staff. As I looked to my right, toward the food part, I stopped, seeing the sign with the lunch special of the day: tuna on rye.

Suddenly I felt the weight of the Koosh in my pocket, and the façade came crashing around me.

I headed toward a table, plopping down hard, my hand going into the pocket of the lab coat. I brought out the Koosh and the note, placing the page in front of me on the table, the Koosh in my hands. I read the words again, bowing my head. I felt my chest tighten, my eyes begin to sting, until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I whipped my head around, my heart in my throat, then I saw the brown eyes.

My hopes crashed, and I turned back to the Koosh.

"Are you okay, Andi?" Erin sat next to me, her hand on my arm. I nodded, but said nothing. "I don’t believe you. What happened?"

"She’s gone," I said quietly, my hurting even worse to say the words.

"Who’s gone?"

"Haley."

"Oh. I wondered. I always used to see you guys together." I felt her move closer as she read the words on the page. "I’m so sorry, Andi." I felt the hand on my arm squeeze. "What happened? Where did she go?" Her words were so soft.

"Back to California."

"Why?"

"She has a life there." My head fell again, and I felt my throat tighten. "I love her, Erin," I whispered.

"Does she love you?" I nodded. "Then why don’t you go with her?"

"She asked. I can’t leave here. I can’t leave my work, I can’t leave, I just can’t leave."

"You know, Andi, at one time it would have helped my own heart to see you like this, but now I’ve truly found happiness, and I know what it can be, what it can feel like. I care enough about you to want you to have the same thing."

I looked at her, a tear falling down my cheek.

"Oh, honey," She reached out, and wiped it away with her finger. "Sometimes certain things are worth fighting for, Andi." She whispered, then stopped, grabbing her pager. "Damn. I have to go. I’m sorry." She stood, but hugged me from behind. "Good luck, Andi."

As she walked away, I looked at Haley’s Koosh in my hands, and suddenly I knew what I had to do.

I shoved back from the chair, shoving the toy and the note in my pocket, and turned toward the door, running as if I was being chased by a lonely past, chased by the ghost of a woman that I couldn’t let go of.

"Go get her, Andi!" I heard Erin yell as I ran past her.

Bursting through the doors that would lead to the parking lot, I found my Jeep, and clicked the doors open, inserting the key with shaky hands. God, what was I doing?

I glanced at the clock on the dashboard, seeing that it was ten after twelve, and I knew that Haley would already be on her way to the airport. It was an hour drive to the nearest one, so I had to really haul ass.

What would I do once I got there? Why was I going? What would I say?

The highway stretched out before me, and my heart pounded with every mile, blood racing through my head making me feel lightheaded.

I pushed the speed limit to the absolute outset, just trying to avoid getting pulled over or killing anyone. I had to see her, just one last time.

Eventually the highway gave way to a narrow, two-lane road that would take me straight to the airport’s driveway.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar-looking car. I whipped around to see it, and then pushed hard on the breaks, looking around frantically to try and find the car again. There it was.

My tires squealed as I did a U-turn in the middle of the street, the car behind me honking as he drove by. I didn’t care. Pushing my foot to the gas, I sped toward the car, trying to get past the other cars that were between us, trying to get directly behind.

I could see her eyes in the rearview mirror, her car loaded with suitcases.

I began to pound on the horn like a madwoman, needing to get her attention. Blue eyes looked back at me, then widened in surprise. The small car put on the breaks, me nearly ramming her, as she pulled off of the road, a huge cloud of dust swirling up around her car.

I followed suit, turning the engine off, and throwing my door open, running to the other side of the car where she was, nearly being bowled over by Haley.

I held her to me, both of us crying.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" I almost yelled, the adrenaline pounding my heart to the point of near explosion. Haley looked at me through red eyes.

"I can’t leave you, Andi," she cried, both hands on either side of my face. I looked at her, confused.

"What? What are you saying?"

"I’m saying I can’t go. I don’t have a life back there," She pointed toward the airport. "My life is with you. I love you!" She shook me to emphasize her point. I pulled her to me.

"I love you, too."

* * * * * * * *

"In a very unusual way, you made me whole."

Linda’s voice trailed off, her eyes closed, the microphone held out to the side. The audience jumped to its feet, and she smiled at all of us.

"Thank you, Minnesota! It’s so good to be home. Happy fourth, everyone!"

As we all cheered, fireworks began to shoot out from behind the stage at the bottom of the outside amphitheater, reflecting off the nearby lake.

The singer waved to everyone, finally leaving the stage for the last time after the audience had called her back for four encores.

"Well, shall we?" I asked as the applause died down, and people began to leave. Haley looked at me, a smile on her face. "We still have a singer to meet." Her smile widened, and she stood, offering her arm for me to hook mine through.

As we walked along the isle, waiting our turn to head into the main one, she turned to me.

"You know, it still amazes me how well Dr. Haggarty handled my resignation at the school."

"It doesn’t surprise me one bit. Who would go back to teaching when they could be doing what they loved at one of the best hospitals in the country?" She smiled, pulling me closer.

"I’m so happy our bid for the house went through today."

"Hmm, me, too."

"The sunk-in living room did it for me, you know."

"No, no. It was the fireplace in the bedroom." I kissed her on the cheek as we made our way toward the side of the stage where backstage pass holders were told to go. "You know, I saw a place the other day that would work great."

"Great for what?" Haley put her hand on the handle of the door that would take us behind.

"I can see it now; Haley Corregan, M.D., written on the door." She looked at me, staring into my eyes.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" she whispered.

"Probably about as much as I do. Come on. Linda’s waiting."

The End

Content

Outcome
by Kim Pritekel & Alexa Hoffman

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Combined parts 5 & 6

Combined parts 7 & 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Part 13

Combined parts 14 & 15

Part 16