Applewater Mavis

Finding My Way

FINDING MY WAY

BY MAVIS APPLEWATER

Copyright (c) September 2000

DISCLAIMERS: This story is mine and mine alone. Although the two main characters bare a strikingly similar appearance to the characters of a certain television show that we all know and love that happens to belong to Renaissance Pictures and Universal/MCA. Please remember appearances aren’t everything.

SEX/VIOLENCE & ROADTRIPS: Yes. No & Yes. This story is an alternative/uber story. So if you are underage come back later. If this is illegal where you live get out and come back when you have moved to civilization. If this is a subject matter that you find offensive don’t read it. Is everybody happy?

A SPECIAL THANKS: First to the producers of the wonderful web site you found this story on. If not for you so many of us would not have an arena to express our selves. Second to my beta reader and other half of my soul. Third to Half Pint Stewart who keep going on and on about this TV show that I just had to watch. Even though I thought she was insane I caught an episode. (If you had only told me about the subtext I would have watched sooner.) But not only did you get me started watching you turned me onto the wonderful world of fanfic. Also a special thanks to Callie for the wonderful artwork she did .

LOCATION/LOCATION/LOCATION: This story takes place in a fictional town north of Boston. Some places are real (many names have been changed to protect … well me) and some exist only in my warped imagination Now that everyone has been mentioned, thanked and egos properly stroked.

As Always For Heather

CHAPTER ONE

I had always thought that I knew myself. I laugh at that now. Life is a constant cycle of change. I had at one time mapped out my entire future. Funny that reality took me off course. I veered in a direction that I never allowed myself to see. My story is simple. My life or should I say my living began one summer morning. I was standing at the back of a classroom listening to a woman speak. I was completely unaware that my life was about to change. If you like I can tell you my story. It all began in late August 1999.

* * *

I found myself mesmerized as I watched her speak. The classroom was packed, it was amazing, and in the middle of summer it was standing room only. I hid in the back doubting that even if she had seen me she would remember our brief encounter ten years ago. My God the woman was electrifying. She was the kind of teacher I had always dreamed of becoming. How did she do it? Maybe it was the eyes, their crystal blue intensity were captivating. Ten years ago they possessed a coldness that sent shivers through me. Today she held no resemblance to the arrogant lawyer who had dismissed me without a second glance. Her name is Allison Kendell, she is sitting on her desk with her legs crossed clad in blue jeans and a simple white t-shirt. As I stand here in my Jones New York suit, I cannot help thinking that she looks more like a student than the professor.

Allison Kendell the heir apparent of the Kendell fortune. Allison Kendell who walked away from a top Wall Street law firm to become a history professor at this small New England University. Why in the world would anyone walk away from all of that money and prestige? I guess the rich are different. When I accepted the position at Haven University I had no idea that I would be working with her. Upon my arrival this morning I discovered that we would be sharing an office. I could not believe it. I would have to sit side by side with the woman who had prevented me from writing my first book!

Well she did not prevent me from writing the book but the finished product was not what I had wanted it to be, all because of this woman. The book was my doctoral thesis, which was very well received. I had written an in-depth study on the Louisiana Tigers. A very colorful southern confederate unit during the Civil War. There was a myth regarding one of its members, Master Sergeant Stephan James Ballister. There were several rumors regarding his true identity. Some speculated that he may have not been Stephan Ballister the young plantation owner from New Orleans but possibly a young boy who fought in his place. It had also been rumored that his widow had left a diary and that the family still had possession of the diary. So being the ever diligent pig headed person that I am, I tracked down the Ballister ancestors. I found Nicole Kendell, one of Sergeant Ballister’s great grandchildren. I was thrilled when she agreed to meet me for lunch. My luncheon with Nicole could not have gone better. Although she was not personally in possession of the diary she older sister Allison was. Nicole was more than happy to arrange a meeting for me.

At the time I could not believe my good fortune. That should have been my first clue that all was not as it seemed. I knew if I could discover the truth about Master Sergeant Ballister it would be a major coup. I can still remember the train trip from Connecticut to New York City. I was bubbling over with excitement as I boarded the train. But from that moment on nothing went as planned. I had everything planned down to the smallest detail. I even rehearsed what I was going to say. I had booked a modest hotel room that I could not really afford so I could shower and dress appropriately for my meeting with Miss. Kendell.

But instead of finding myself relaxing in my hotel room preparing for the most important meeting of my life, I found myself sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. It soon became apparent that I would not have the time to freshen up. Instead I was forced to change my plans and go directly to the offices of Wainwright and Griggs. When I arrived I looked completely disheveled. But I knew once that I was inside I could win over Allison Kendell. Except I never made it to the inside of her office. Her assistant who very politely and very firmly explained that Miss. Kendell would be unable to assist me in my research greeted me. I was flabbergasted. I had traveled all this way after meeting with her sister. Nicole Kendell had assured me that not only was the diary real but there was a second diary written by Stephan himself. This was incredible, a second diary! It was not hard to convince Nicole to arrange the meeting with Allison. Perhaps that should have been my first clue that there was some animosity between the two sisters.

I had found myself suddenly standing on the street after failing to convince Miss. Kendell’s assistant that I would only take a moment of her time. I found a pay phone and canceled my hotel room. To add insult to injury the cancellation came too late for a refund. But since there was no longer any reason to stay in New York, I just wanted to go home. I called Amtrak and found that I could catch any number of trains heading back to New Haven. I knew that I could still finish the book. But Stephan Ballister had been a decorated southern hero and to finally unveil his true identity would put me at the top of my profession. If the rumors were true I knew that I could receive funding for a documentary. For the first time in my life I faced failure. This had never happened to me before. I faced defeat and hailed a taxi, as I approached my cab I watched in horror as someone else started to open the door.

“Hey!” I screamed. “What do you think you are doing?”

“Sorry.” She snarled as she blew a puff of smoke in my face.

I could never erase the image of her. With her sculpted features and raven hair. She was an imposing figure with her six foot frame clad in a designer suit that. Hell everything about her looked as if it had been pulled out of a fashion magazine. Everything but the cigarette. “Allison Kendell?” I said coldly.

“Yes.” She replied in an annoyed tone.

“I ‘m Stephanie Grant.” I shot out boldly as I blocked her from entering the taxi.

“So?” She sighed with annoyance.

“You were suppose to meet with me today.” I was infuriated by this woman’s arrogance.

“Right … the student.” She sighed impatiently. “So?”

I was so appalled by her lack of manners that I simply stood there slack jawed. “I do not have time for this kid.” She chastised me. I blocked her path as she tried to push past me. “Your sister said that you have the diaries.” I pushed.

“And …?” She asked dryly as she tried once again to enter the taxi.

“Come on ladies I don’t have all day!” The cab driver bellowed.

“Just a second!” I shouted back raising my voice for perhaps the first time in my life. “Look Miss. Kendell.” I hissed. “I came a long way to see you because your sister led me to believe that you would be willing to show me the diaries.”

“After how many martinis?” She asked snidely.

“What?” I answered in confusion feeling that I was about to loose my advantage.

“You don’t remember do you?” She sighed. “Bombay Sapphire martinis extra dry with three olives and she rarely drinks less than a dozen. As you can see, I am very well acquainted with my sister’s fondness for gin. I bet she stuck you with the bill.”

There was nothing I could say in rebuttal. What could I say it was true? Nicole had invited me to lunch so we could discuss her famous ancestor. I soon discovered that Nicole’s version of lunch came in liquid form and she did in fact stick me with the tab. Suddenly I felt very stupid and much smaller than my five foot four frame. It wasn’t bad enough that this woman who already towered over but now I felt like a dwarf standing next to a very pissed off Snow White. And if that was the case I was most certainly Dopey.

“My sister is an alcoholic Miss..? ” She said quietly.

“Grant! Stephanie Grant!” I snapped feeling my anger returning in full force.

“Miss. Grant.” She repeated in quiet firm tone. “As I was saying my sister is an alcoholic and she will say anything you want to hear as long as you are buying the drinks. I’m sorry that you wasted your time. Good luck with your paper. Now I must be going so if you don’t mind?”

“It is a book.” I hissed at her. “And this is my cab.” I remember hearing her laughing as I jumped into the taxi. I had never felt so foolish in my entire life and with my childhood there had been plenty to feel foolish about.

But that was so long ago, the woman that I was watching now bore no resemblance to the one who had been so cruel to me then. All I can possibly hope for now is that she did not remember our first encounter. But a part of me could not help but remain suspicious. Could this charming persona be an act for her students? After all I am certain that many juries found her charming as well. Perhaps I should reserve my full assessment on Miss. Kendell until I have the opportunity to view her without an audience.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see Dr. Camden motioning for me to follow her. As the chairperson of Haven’s history department Dr. Maureen Camden had pursued me relentlessly to come here. In the end I discovered that it was my only real option. At a small University like Haven I would advance more quickly and then after my resume was better padded I could make the jump over to Harvard or my alma mater Yale. Dr. Camden was thrilled when I finally accepted her offer. I did not have the heart to tell her that I was simply using Haven as a short cut to a higher position at a more prestigious University. But no one had to know about that, it was simply part of my life plan.

“Tell me Dr. Camden …” I started to say.

“Maureen.” She interrupted.

“Maureen.” I responded with a smile. “What is your opinion of Professor Kendell’s classes?”

“What do you mean?” She questioned.

“Pop Culture, The History of Television, courses of the evolution of TV commercials?” I asked in confusion. “I heard that she even teaches a course on soap operas? How does any of this relate to American History?”

The older blonde who stood slightly taller than myself chuckled. “To fully understand you would need to see her in action.” Maureen explained. “Allison is unconventional to say the least. But she really gets through to these kids. And she does not teach a course in soap operas. She does show examples of them and their effects on society in one of her more advanced Popular Culture courses.”

“I guess it just seems like fluff and not real hard core academics.” I questioned.

“On the surface maybe … but she brings it alive and shows how this country tries to redefine it’s history through media interpretation.” Maureen asserted with a friendly smile.

I knew that I would have to tread carefully, it was obvious that these two women were friends. Maureen showed me around the campus. It was small yet beautiful. Old ivy covered buildings nestled in a small town near the ocean. It was something out of Currier and Ives. This was going to be a very nice place to live and work. Well, until a better offer rolled along. But this was a comfortable place to spend the next two or three years and maybe once Peter could relocate, we could start thinking about moving our relationship along further. Everything was falling into place. Just as I had planned.

After we completed the grand tour, Maureen showed me my new office. It was small but it had a grand old window that spanned from floor to near ceiling, with a view of the campus below. One side was bare with the exception of a desk, chair and a barren mahogany bookcase. The other half was filled completely with clutter. Books and magazines covered the desk and computer and I could detect the outline of a what I could only assume was a sofa. But it was buried so deeply beneath clutter that I could not say for certain that there was an actual piece of furniture laying beneath.

Suddenly the massive pile near a file cabinet began to move. My heart leapt as Allison Kendell emerged from behind it. She was grinning strangely. “Allison!” Maureen scolded the woman who displayed a look similar to a deer caught in someone’s headlights. “Are you smoking again?”

“No.” Allison answered innocently as a puff of smoke escaped from her lips.

“Allison you know the rules. No smoking on campus.” Maureen chastised her.

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Allison pouted as she extinguished her cigarette into an ashtray she had apparently hidden behind the file cabinet.

“I cannot believe that you started again. You of all people should know better.” Maureen chastised her as the tall brunette rolled her eyes. “And when are you going to clean up this mess? I swear you are worse than my kids.”

“I try.” Allison teased with a devilish smile.

“Behave.” Maureen cautioned her.

“Or?” Allison teased.

“Stop it.” Maureen groaned in exasperation. “Allison Kendell this is Dr. Stephanie Grant your new cell mate.”

“Stan is gone?” Allison beamed.

“Yes you finally drove him out.” Maureen responded in a defeated tone. “The moment Carl announced his retirement Stan approached me about his office.”

“You know what this means Maureen? You owe me dinner at the Top of the Hub.” Allison smirked.

“Yes, but you started smoking again.” Maureen countered.

“So … Dutch treat at Church Street?” Allison conceded. Maureen nodded in agreement. Allison finally turned and noticed me standing there. I was more than a little stunned at the exchange. My previous appointments were all business it was professor this or doctor that. No one ever addressed a colleague let alone the department head by their first name.

“So roomie tell me about yourself?” Allison asked her in a friendly manner.

“I gave you her resume.” Maureen said dryly.

“You did?” Allison responded in a puzzled tone as she looked around the mess that constituted her half of the office.

“I need to get back to work.” Maureen excused herself. “Play nice.” She pointed to Allison as she made her departure.

I could feel my heart begin to race as I stood there. For the first time in my life I was at a complete loss as to how I should behave. Allison Kendell was in some ways larger than life. But I suppose you can afford being what my Grandmother would refer to as a character when you have a big old trust fund waiting for you. She began to approach me as my pulse began to quicken. I swallowed deeply as she gently reached out her hand. “Allison.” She said with a bright smile.

“Stephanie.” I smiled in return as I took her hand and shook it firmly. My arm felt alive from her touch.

“Welcome aboard.” She added gently as she released my hand from her grip. My body felt a strange sense of loss as her fingers left my own. “Sorry about the mess.” She apologized. “I did it mostly to annoy Stan.” Then she mumbled something I could not quite catch. The only word I was certain of was “bastard”. I was uncertain of the rest of the statement, since I was more focused on the sudden coolness that swept through my body when she removed her hand. This was most definitely not the same woman I met in New York. I could not help but wonder what had brought on such a miraculous change.

* * *

I discovered settling into life at Haven much easier than I had initially expected. I found myself really hitting it off with Allison. I soon discovered that we had a great deal in common. She eagerly taught me the ins and outs of the university’s red tape. The best times to hit the copy center. She even expedited the arrival of my computer. Soon I found myself sitting in on her classes instead of hunting for an apartment. Classes would be starting in a few days and I still had not found anything that suited by my needs and my budget. I would not be eligible for one of the University’s houses until I had established tenure. I was sadden by the thought that I would not be here that long. Then again Haven already felt like home. Perhaps settling here wouldn’t be a bad idea either and the faculty homes were beautiful.

Peter and I were playing phone tag and we had not spoken in almost two weeks. This was the first time we had ever spent this much time apart. He was looking for work in the area and hopefully would be joining me soon. That was one of the reasons I needed to select the perfect apartment. Everything seemed to be falling into place. One of the reasons I knew that Peter and I would be a good match is because of the work he did. Working with computers he could not only maintain stability but he could find work anywhere. So if I received an offer that I wanted to accept we could just pick up and go. The other reason that Peter was perfect was that he was my best friend.

It was all a part of my life plan. My female friends had always teased me about my plan. But I know that I am right. So, I had planned out my life. A map to the future as it was. I watched as my girl friends from high school and college suffer one heartache after another. Not me. I was never one to get all giggly and insecure over some boy. Peter and I had been friends at UConn. and then when I went on to Yale we started dating. So it wasn’t all hearts and flowers but in my humble opinion romance was over rated.

Maybe my attitude stems from losing my parents at such a young age. Because of what I had seen in their marriage I knew that I had to be sensible about the men in my life. My Mother had made the wrong choice and it caused her nothing but heartache. That was not going to happen to me. My Father who had never been around much, spent most of his time gambling and chasing other women. His death although it was never proven, was payback from a jealous husband. My Mother died far too young. She left this world a broken and bitter woman. When I was finally old enough to fully understand what had happened to my parents, I vowed that I would always follow my head and never my heart.

This is why I had to have a plan. I did not go steady in High School, I did not want some boy to cloud my judgment. I had watched so many of my friend’s let their grades slip. Not to mention they also allowed their IQ’s to slip as they would act almost juvenile around their one and only. Fortunately I was spared from a great deal of this silliness by entering College early. I did date some in College but I never stayed with anyone for long. My academic work was far too important. I suspected that some of my friends from back then had a pool going as to just when I was going to lose my virginity.

I hope they lost their shirts. I finally did the deed and gave up my virginity in Grad school. I wasn’t in love, I just wanted to get it over with. Plus I was curious as to just what it was that everyone was talking about. I was horribly disappointed. I still do not understand just what about it that is suppose to be so great? Maybe I am just one of those women who do not have orgasms. It really doesn’t matter.

I have Peter now and he is perfect. I could never understand why relationships could be so traumatic for everyone else? To me it is very simple. You find the person that you are the most compatible with and this the man you should marry. Of course getting married right away is a mistake. I have seen the happiest of couples in college rush right into marriage only to become disillusioned a few years down the road. Peter and I were going to live together for a while before getting married. We had already cohabitated on and off when one of us was in between apartments. Peter has suggested that we make it more permanent. But I am head strong knowing that the time was not right then. Now was the right time. I finally had the right job and once Peter relocated we could start our lives together.

It is all really quite simple when you sit down and think about these things logically. There were only a few distractions in my past but they were silly really. I was young and each time I had been drinking. Besides it was never more than kissing and they had been women. I knew that would never happen again. It was curiosity nothing more. What I need to do now was find the perfect apartment.

So why was I putting it off again so I could go play tennis with Allison? I just wish that I could beat her once. Normally I can muster up a respectable game. But playing against Allison was intimidating. It was her hands. I can never seem to take my eyes off of her hands. They were so strong. Then there was her back. She always wore a tank top when we played. This only served to accent her broad tanned shoulders. If I could just focus on my game this time I know I could finally win.

I was jolted from my thoughts by the eruption of laughter. Allison’s class was out of control. “How does she do it?” “Okay …” Allison instructed them bringing order back to her class. “For next time. The Brady Bunch and Gilligan’s Island. I want you to tell me your favorite Brady then have five of your friends name theirs. Also explain to me why the Professor could build a nuclear reactor from two coconuts but could not fix the hole in the damn boat. Kidding on that one. I want you to think of an episode any episode that reflected the events that happened while the show was on the air. Now it is a beautiful day outside so get out of here, so I can enjoy it.”

I watched as the students reluctantly left their seats. I usually needed to wake my students after one of my lectures. Allison finally forced the last of her students out the door as she approached me.

“Gilligan’s Island?” I questioned her suspiciously.

“It’s a trick.” She chuckled. “How many African Americans do recall seeing on that show? How is it that it aired during the Vietnam War and the war was never mentioned? The media’s use of escapism. They think that they are going to have an easy lecture comparing Ginger to MaryAnn but what they are really going to be doing is talking about what was happening in this country. The pilot for the show was delayed because of JFK’s assassination that alone should get the ball rolling. This is the MTV generation if they don’t see it on Nick at Nite then it didn’t happen.”

“And the Brady Bunch?” I pushed suddenly intrigued by her theories.

“Don’t knock the Brady’s.” She teased. “They managed to slip in a few social issues. Besides your favorite Brady can reveal a great deal about your personality.”

“Really?” This I had to hear.

“It’s true.” She responded brimming with over confidence.

“I don’t believe you.” I teased in return.

“Your favorite Brady was Jan.” She returned in a cocky manner.

“Yes!” I was stunned. “How did you … lucky guess.”

“It is simple really.” Allison’s over confidence could really be annoying and yet somehow down right adorable. “Jan was the middle child often overlooked an outsider. She didn’t bother with attracting boys the way Marcia did. She just tried to fit in. The only person in the family she was close to was Alice … an older women who felt the same way.”

“I still do not understand how did you know that I …” I felt an uneasiness. How could Allison know that I felt like an outsider? “You will have to explain this theory of yours over tennis.”

“Some other time.” She answered in a serious tone.

“Are you canceling?” I was more than a little disappointed. I could only hope that my voice did not betray how truly hurt I was. Of course I knew that I was being silly. After all classes would start soon and I know I had a great deal of work to do. “So why am I upset that Allison has other plans?”

“No.” Allison smiled back at me. “You are.”

“I am?”

“Have you found an apartment yet?” She questioned me.

“No.” Now I was intrigued.

“Stephanie classes start in two days and you cannot work out of that motel that you are staying in. Taking a taxi every day must be adding up.” She began to explain. “There is a very small and I mean very small apartment that has just opened up in my building. It is not much but it will do for a semester and it is a five minute walk from campus.”

I was overwhelmed by her friendship. Without thinking I jumped up and hugged her. She gently pushed me away. Somehow her reaction left me feeling cold and confused. I couldn’t look at her, I ran my hand through my short blonde hair and stared at my shoes. “So does that mean you would like to see the apartment?” She said softly. I looked up and was captured by those baby blue eyes and her bright smile. “A girl could get lost in those eyes. What am I saying anyone would get lost in those eyes. Hell Barney Frank’s heart would probably skip a beat. Whoa! Get a hold of yourself Stephanie. She is a woman. You have Peter. So why is my heart racing. It is the apartment … yeah that’s it the apartment. Think about baseball … the Red Sox …baseball …baseball …they could did it this year if Pedro’s pitching remains consistent… . and if … .”

“Stephanie?” Her deep voice called me back from my wanderings.

“Sorry.” I awoke tearing my gaze away from her. My God I was staring!

“Are you all right?” She said softly.

“I’m fine.” I answered firmly as I dispelled the thoughts that were about to break through. “I was just thinking about the Red Sox.”

“The Red Sox?” Allison answered in puzzlement. Then with a shrug she seemed to accept my lame explanation. “Yeah too bad they didn’t make it to the play offs this year. So … did you want to see the apartment?”

“Yes.” I felt my composure returning as I brushed away the thoughts of what may have transpired moments ago.

As we walked away from the sprawling campus I noticed that Allison was strangely quiet. Something about her silence disturbed me. Never having been one to just let things lay, I decided to break the ice. “So tell me why you and Stan don’t get along?” I asked trying to make conversation.

“He didn’t like my T-shirt.” She answered plainly.

“Well Stan is very old fashioned.” I added knowing that there had to be more to their on going feud than Allison choice in clothing. I also wanted to keep the conversation going, even though it was more than apparent that Allison did not. “I mean jeans and Tshirts are not his style. After all he is Mr. Bow tie.”

“It was what it said.” Allison stated simply without explaining it further.

“Oh.” I answered in confusion. I desperately wanted to keep the conversation going. There was something so painful about her silence. “And just what did your t-shirt say that started a battle between you and Stan?” Allison did not appear to be forth coming with any more details. So I decided that it was time for a new tactic. There was an issue that I needed to air and now was a good of time as any. “Allison … wait.” I said suddenly stopping her in her tracks. I was thankful that she had stopped her long legs was making it more than difficult for me to keep up. “I have something to tell you.” She stared at me deeply with a startled look that could only be described as fear.

“Whoa.” I gasped wondering what I did to cause this strange reaction from my new friend. “What’s with the look? You would think that I was about to tell that your favorite pet died.”

“Cheep Cheep?” She gasped in mock terror.

I playfully swatted her on the arm and received the trademark Allison Kendell raised eyebrow in return. I laughed at her attempt to intimidate me with her glare. Granted ten years ago that look scared the bee Jesus out of me. “Allison.” I shot back with a glare of my own.

“Nice try.” She smirked. “But it needs work. So what did you want to tell me?”

“Allison we have met before.”

“You mean … ” She looked at me strangely as she spoke. ” … like in a past life? Are you from LA.?” She began to laugh.

“No.” I laughed along with her giving her another playful swat on the arm. “You are such a jerk.”

“I am sorry.” She smiled trying to stifle her laughter. “So when did we meet?”

“It was a long time ago.” I began slowly. “You were a lawyer then.”

“I didn’t sue you did I?” She asked in a serious tone. “Or cheat your Grandmother?”

“She is not joking?” I thought. “No it was nothing like that.” I said quickly hoping to erase the guilty expression from my friend’s face. “But I was a real bitch. Wasn’t I.” She said quietly. I noticed that it was an admission and not a question.

“I thought so at the time.” I confessed.

“I probably was.” She muttered as she stared at her feet unable to look at me. “Whatever it was I’m sorry for what I did. I’m equally sorry for not remembering you.”

“It’s not important.” I lied. “I just wanted to say something just in case you did remember.”

“Boy I must have been in rare form to forget you.” She shook off a chill as she spoke.

“It was a long time ago.” I said softly gently resting my hand on her arm. She looked up at me the guilt still visible. “I was a kid then and my hair was long. I looked totally different. Forget it Allison.”

I watched as some of the tension left her chiseled features. “I ‘m so sorry Stephanie.” She apologized again. “I wasn’t a nice person back then. I will tell you about it sometime.”

“Later.” I said firmly as I linked my arm in hers. “For now I want to see this apartment and on the way you can tell me all about cheep cheep.” Her laughter warmed my heart as we started walking again.

“I don’t know.” She teased. “It’s really a tragic story. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

“Definitely.”

We walked the short distance to Essex Street, while Allison spun the tragic tale of poor little cheep cheep. Cheep Cheep as it turned out was her younger brother’s first pet. The poor little duckling suffered from epilepsy caused by inbreeding. Her parents had been forced to have the duckling put down. But they did not have the heart to tell their young son. So they did what all parents do they told David that cheep cheep went off to live on a farm. It wasn’t until David was in High School that he learned the truth. Allison explained that he did not take the news very well.

“Poor little Cheep Cheep.” I teased relieved that we were talking again. Over the years my female friends for one reason or another had drifted out of my life. I felt very comfortable with Allison and resolved that I would not let that happen to us. “Poor David.” Allison sighed as a darkness over came her. I reached out to her wanting to ease whatever it was that was causing her such pain. “We are here.” She said quickly breaking away from me before my hand could reach her. I looked up and gasped when I saw Allison’s building. It was a house really. A large Victorian with a huge front porch. “It’s perfect.” I whispered.

“Don’t let Mrs. Giavanni hear you or she will double the rent.” Allison whispered back. Just as the words escaped her lips a tiny dark haired woman who was shuffling across the street greeted us. “She lives across the street in the big yellow house and she is very particular as to whom she rents to.”

“I heard that.” Mrs. Giavanni snorted with a thick accent.

“Of course you did.” Allison smiled at her as she went to assist the elderly woman. Mrs. Giavanni slapped Allison away. “You don’t miss a trick do you?” Allison teased the elderly woman. I found it hard to believe that this dark haired beauty who was helping an elderly woman cross the street was the same woman who had hurt me so deeply all those years ago.

“Smart mouth.” Mrs. Giavanni chastised the taller woman. “This one is fresh. It comes from living in New York.”

“She knows everything too.” Allison warned me.

“That is right.” Mrs. Giavanni said proudly. “I know that … that Chris was no good for you.”

“My ex.” Allison explained shyly. “I told you that she knows everything.”

“I know that Allison tries act tough. But she is a good girl and if you are a friend of hers you can stay.” Mrs. Giavanni patted Allison’s face gently. “So we look at the apartment and then we will go across the street and have tea and you can tell me all about yourself.”

“Be careful.” Allison warned me. “The CIA could learn a few things from Mrs. Giavanni.”

“I heard that.” Mrs. Giavanni snorted.

The apartment was very small but charming. It was a studio, which meant that my bedroom and living room were one in the same. The kitchen was towards the back of the room. It consisted of a small counter top and a tiny stove and a sink. Above the stove and sink was a beautiful bay window which over looked a garden. The front of the studio was adorned with glass French doors. The front door opened into a large foyer with a gorgeous mahogany staircase, which led to the second floor.

There was only one problem. There would be plenty of room for a futon, dresser and my computer station. But there was most definitely no room for a second person. Even if Peter and I could survive in such cramped surroundings I sensed that Mrs. Giavanni would never allow an unmarried couple to rent from her. “What I am I going to do? I love this place.” Allison excused herself allowing me privacy to think. I wished that she had stayed, I needed someone to tell me what to do. Of course Peter had not found a job in the area yet, I reasoned. And I need a place now. “And I love this place.” Plus with Allison just upstairs I could have someone to walk to work with and talk with. “Funny you never cared about those things before?” I dismissed the thought as quickly as it emerged.

We could postpone Peter’s arrival. I wanted this apartment. It was so convenient. Close to campus and Allison. Not that was important but it helped. I never lived any place where I actually knew my neighbors. I rationalized. It would be nice for a change and Peter did relocate we could find a new place together.

I followed Mrs. Giavanni back to her home feeling as if somehow I had betrayed Peter. But as I chatted with the older woman over tea, she offered to rent me the studio for a mere $500.00. How could I refuse? As we chatted I quickly learned that Allison was right about one thing, the CIA could certainly learn a few things from Mrs. Giavanni. By the time I made my departure she somehow had managed to learn that my Grandmother had raised me and went to Yale on a scholarship. I also left with the keys to my new home.

I found Allison swinging lazily in the porch swing of our new home. “Well?” she asked dryly as she sipped her coffee.

“Howdy neighbor.” I beamed in response.

“Great.” Allison responded in a soft warm tone that sent a strange chill down my spine.

“There is one slight problem.” I began hesitatively.

“I know no bathtub.” Allison said with a grimace. “Sometimes a girl needs more than a tiny shower stall. Fear not my lady. For a small fee I will let you use mine when you need to escape.”

“Thank you.” I replied with a blush. “But that is not the problem. I was suppose to be looking for a place for two.”

“Oh.” Allison responded as a look of disappointment flashed across her face.

“I guess Peter will understand.” I sighed.

“Peter …?” Allison choked on her coffee.

“Are you all right?” I asked as she continued to choke. She pulled away as I began to pat her on the back.

“I am fine.” She choked out waving me away as I approached her again. “Sorry.”

“Why?” I asked in bewilderment.

“Nothing …” She laughed sadly. “My mistake … I may have to rethink my Jan Brady theory.”

“What?” Now I was completely at a loss.

“Nothing.” She was hiding something this much I could see. But soon she quickly shifted gears and smiled back at me as if nothing had occurred. “I have some time before my dinner with Maureen. Why don’t we get your stuff from the motel.”

“Thank you!” I squealed at the thought of not having to spend another night in that dreary motel. I threw my arms around her and once again she pushed me away. “Why does she keep pushing me away? Relax girl maybe she is not a touchy person, but then again normally you aren’t either… except with her.” I looked down at her in confusion. It was at that moment I noticed that she had changed into a pair of faded blue jeans a white t-shirt with bold purple lettering and a denim jacket. It was the T-shirt that made me gasp. Not such much the t-shirt but what was written across the front of it. ‘Pretty, Witty & Gay’. The reality struck me hard. This was why Allison kept pushing me away. She was afraid of any misunderstandings or possible rumors or anything else that might be perceived as inappropriate. “Very noble of you Miss. Kendell.”

“Would this be the T-shirt that Stan did not approve of?” I asked directly.

“Yes.” Allison responded with a slightly defensive tone. “My guess is that he is not a West Side Story fan.”

“That must be it.” I said with conviction.

“You didn’t know?” She questioned me seriously.

“No.” I answered simply and honestly. “And now that I do know … I don’t care.”

“Good.” She smiled back at me. “I hate all of that uncomfortable crap.”

“Speaking of crap, let’s go get my stuff.” I said as I pulled her up off of the swing. Then in a serious tone of voice I added. “Allison I really don’t care that you are a lesbian. Just don’t … well I don’t want you to take this the wrong way …”

“Go ahead.” She urged me in a dark tone as she rolled her eyes.

“It’s just that … don’t ever go back to being a lawyer.” I teased.

“Brat!” She laughed as she pinched me on my backside.

“Yikes!” I squealed at my punishment for teasing her. “Let me guess you were expecting the standard “just don’t make a pass at me” line.”

“It wouldn’t have been the first time.” Allison added.

“So my gay friends back home have told me.” I explained. “I’m sorry I just could not resist teasing you. You looked so serious. Plus I can think of worse things than having someone tall dark and gorgeous finding me attractive.” Allison looked at me with a curious expression. “Come on.” I gave her a playful shove. “Let’s put those muscles of yours to good use.”

“Oh so now I’m slave labor.” She teased in return as we climbed into her black Subaru Outback.

Once we returned to my new home there I realized how little I actually owned. I had traveled light not knowing what I could expect to find in Haven. What I hadn’t sold I stored at Peter’s. “You need furniture.” Allison stated the obvious as she glanced at her watch. “It is too late to pick up a futon.” I had already checked out of the motel and the thought of sleeping on the floor was less than appealing. I was contemplating buying an air mattress at the local hardware store. But I quickly realized that would be closed as well. The first down side to Haven they rolled up the sidewalks fairly early. I could spend one night roughing it. Suddenly I wished I hadn’t been kicked out of the Girl Scouts. “I wasn’t my fault. Jenny was the one who wanted to play doctor.”

“You can crash on my couch tonight.” Allison’s offer tore me away from my unexpected trip down memory lane.

“Thank God.” I sighed with relief.

“Look I’m having dinner with Maureen.” Allison began to explain. “You can join us or unpack … well you could if you had something to put your clothes in.”

“Dinner sounds great.”

“It’s settled then. Tonight we eat and tomorrow we shop.” Allison offered. “With my Subaru we can probably get everything in one trip.”

“Thank you.” I repeated.

“Thank Chris.” She explained. “If it wasn’t for her I would still be driving my little BMW.”

“Ouch.”

“Hey, I love my Outback.” She asserted. “Let’s go upstairs and get ready.”

While Allison was in the shower I took the opportunity to look around her apartment. There were no signs that she was a lesbian. There was also no comparison to the my little apartment downstairs. Hers covered the second and third floor. Her French doors opened up onto a small deck. She had a fireplace with a marble mantle. The mantle was covered with pictures of her family. Above the pictures hung a carefully framed shadow box containing a saber. I did not need to ask. I knew it must have belonged to Stephan Ballister.

“It belonged to one of my ancestors.” Allison said from behind me. I turned a felt my pulse begin to race. She was breath taking standing there in nothing but a white terry cloth robe.

“Your Great Grandfather. Master Sergeant Stephan James Ballister.” I asserted with confidence.

“That was a hell of a guess.” she responded slyly. “But he was my Great Great Grandfather.”

I shot her a cocky glare as I turned away, leaving her to stew on how I knew about her famous ancestor. As I showered I found my mind wandering. How could I have not known that Allison was gay. Not that it made a difference. But she did not look gay? Not that it meant anything. I wondered what kind of signs I had been looking for in her apartment. “A Georgia O’Keefe print? A sign that said I like girls! A brand new toaster oven?” What the hell was I thinking? Allison and I are friends. I like her and that is that. Now for the first time in years I was having a night out with the girls. I could not wait. This would probably be our last chance to have some fun until the semester was over.

CHAPTER TWO

When I finally emerged from the shower I found Allison smartly dressed in black slacks and a matching blazer. I felt my pulse quicken for the hundredth time that day. This time my heart was racing when I noticed the pearl silk camisole underneath her blazer. “God Allison! Why can’t you wear a blouse like a normal person?” She was smiling at something she was reading. Whatever it was Allison certainly found it entertaining as she smoked her cigarette.

“What are you reading?”

“Your resume.” She answered as she glanced up at me. “I just found it. “

“Here?”

“So I lack organizational skills.” She snarled playfully while taking another drag from her cigarette. “Top five percent of your class at Yale, very impressive. So couldn’t get into Harvard?” She teased taking another drag. I walked over and took the cigarette away from her and took a drag myself. I watched as a single eyebrow arched. “Now and then.” I said in answer to her unspoken question. “Probably not even an entire pack in my life.”

“I hate people like that.” She shot out grabbing the cigarette from me.

“I thought you quit?” I shot back.

“I’m working on it.” She grumbled.

“So went to Harvard I take it?” I decided to let her off the hook for the moment.

“Law school after my undergrad at Wellesley.”

“You know that makes us sworn enemies.” I taunted her as I removed her cigarette from her mouth. I looked around and discovered an ashtray on the coffee table and quickly extinguished the cigarette. “Last one.” I admonished her.

“I’ll try. ” She promised. “I just found it. I must have hidden it for an emergency.” She blushed at her lack of self-control. Quickly she turned her attention back to my resume. “You got your PH. D at twenty three. That’s disgusting!”

“I am going to get dressed.” I responded indignantly as I turned to enter her bedroom. Suddenly I felt her hand on my waist. I could feel her warmth emanating through the towel I had wrapped myself in. “Here it is!” She cried out. “Please don’t let go.” I silently begged.

“What?” I turned to her praying that she wouldn’t notice my now crimson face. She did and snatched her hand away quickly. “Sorry.” She apologized.

“So just what did you find?” I said quickly hoping to enact some damage control.

“This.” She answered pointing to my resume. “This is what I was looking for. Your first book.”

Unconsciously I leaned closer to her. “The Executions Of Corcoran and O’Brien.”

“I read that.” She said proudly. “It was very good. The story of the first execution in the Confederate Army. They were in the Louisiana Tigers , Company B. That was my Great Great Grandfather’s company.”

“I know.” I leaned closer to her as if my body had a will of it’s own.

“Is that how we met before?” She asked in a curious tone. “It wasn’t the diaries … was it?”

“Yes.” I whispered finally pressing my body into hers. “I had originally wanted to write about Stephan Ballister.”

She closed her eyes and pressed her body closer to mine. I was so close that I could hear her heart beating. I revealed in her warmth. Thoughts escaped me … my breathing ceased nothing mattered only the feel of this woman against me. “You should call Peter.” She said suddenly. My head snapped at the harshness of her voice. I stepped away from her rapidly suddenly feeling ashamed. It was the realization of what my body was feeling compiled with the knowledge that any thoughts of Peter had vanished.

“I will call him tomorrow after I call the telephone company.” I ignored Allison’s puzzled stare and raced into her bedroom. I closed the door behind me and tried to regain my composure. “What the hell was that all about? I will not allow this to happen. I just need to focus on Peter. You remember Peter don’t you Stephanie? He’s the guy that you are planning on marrying. Why is this happening all of a sudden? But this isn’t the first or even the second time you have more than noticed an attractive woman. I will not do this again! There is nothing wrong with me. Liar! Shut Up! You shut up! Great now I am arguing with myself. And to make matters worse I am losing.”

“I wonder if this is the first sign of insanity.” I said aloud. “Maybe. Yes. No. Stop it! Get dressed Stephanie before those nice men in white coats come and drop a net on you.”

I finally emerged from Allison’s bedroom dressed in a pair of black jeans and a chartreuse silk blouse. If Allison noticed my prolonged absence she never mentioned it. In fact she did not mention much of anything. She smiled simply and told me that I looked nice. There was something different in the tone of voice she had chosen. It was very big sisterish. Allison was clearly drawing a platonic line in the sand. Upon Maureen’s arrival, Allison informed her that I would be joining them.

“Great now we can get her drunk and learn all of her deep dark secrets.” Maureen teased.

“Too late Mrs. Giavanni already beat you to it.” I countered. “She promised not to reveal where the bodies are hidden.”

“Clever girl.” Maureen responded with a laugh. “So how did Mrs. G get a hold of you so soon?”

“Stephanie is renting the studio downstairs.” Allison explained in full big sister mode. “Who is driving?”

The driver was decided by flipping a coin. Maureen lost. “Waste of a good baby sitter.” She muttered.

“What are you bitching about?” Allison teased her. “We are the ones that have to be seen in a mini van.”

As Maureen drove down Rte. 128, I felt something I had not experienced in a long time fear. I was relieved once we left the highway. My reprieve was short lived. The roads in the city were a mess. “What is this?” I exclaimed as we sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic. “Bureaucracy in action … better known as the Big Dig.” Maureen snarled.

“Just what are they digging for?” I asked in amazement.

“Whitey Bolger.” Allison teased making reference to the reputed mob boss from Southie, who had managed to disappear right under the FBI’s watchful eye. As Maureen strung together a list of expletives that would make a sailor blush, Allison explained that the Big Dig was being constructed to alleviate the traffic problems that plagued the city. Boston is a great old city. But the original roads were simply paved over cow paths. This was common in New England. The Big Dig looked great on paper it would ease the traffic without marring the beauty of the city not to mention create jobs. But the reality was that the project had long ago ran over schedule and massively over budget. Some reports stated that if and when the project was completed it would be outdated. “Really?” I questioned.

“Not exactly there is an upside.” Allison explained. “The project started in 1982. I forget when the original finish date was. But when it is done a lot of the traffic will go underground. All of those ugly green bridges we crossed are coming down. It will certainly improve the Boston skyline. It just that for the past seventeen years driving in the city has become a nightmare. I think the new completion date is 2004. Personally I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Suddenly I feel like Connecticut is another country. I mean we have our share of traffic problems but nothing like this.” I sighed as we finally entered Cambridge. “We Bostonians are not known for ability to play well with others while commuting.” Allison explained. “Driving is considered a contact sport. Use of directional is considered a sign of weakness. Trust me driving in Massachusetts is not for the faint of heart.” I was about to laugh but something about the expression on Allison’s face told me that she was serious.

“Moron!” Maureen screamed as she honked the horn.

I looked out the window to see a group of College aged people wandering into traffic apparently having not regard for the crosswalk or traffic lights. “This is MIT.” Allison explained pointing to the domed building. “Where they can split an atom but they can not cross the street like a normal person.”

“Christ!” I groaned as Maureen sped through traffic. “I need a drink.”

“Well you are in luck.” Allison said lightly as we entered Harvard Square. Maureen maneuvered around the twist and turns past the famous university. “Church Street is the best TexMex in the area. But watch out for the margaritas.”

“Are they bad?” I asked as I held onto my seat for dear life. “How can Allison be so calm? I have already rattled off twelve Hail Mary’s in the last thirty seconds and I’m not even Catholic.”

“No the margaritas are very good. That is the problem a couple of those babies and you loose all self control.” Allison seemed so calm as cars seemed to aim directly at the mini van. Feeling suddenly faint I closed my eyes unable to watch.

“Space!” Maureen squealed.

“Hold on!” Allison cautioned me as Maureen threw the mini van into reverse on a busy street. Her children’s toys bombarded me as I held on for dear life while the sounds of honking horns from irate drivers echoed in my ears. Somehow Maureen managed to maneuver the vehicle into a tiny parking space with little effort.

“Yes!” Maureen congratulated herself.

“Still alive back there Stephanie?” I opened my eyes to find Allison’s blue gaze staring back at me. “Stephanie? Breath Honey?”

“I think I’m going to be sick.” I gasped pulling various squeaky toys off of my lap.

“I have the effect on women.” Allison smiled. “Welcome to Massachusetts.”

“Does everyone drive like that?”

“Only if you want to get anywhere.” Maureen explained.

The restaurant was very noisy and crowded, but there was a homey atmosphere to it. Since there was a line a people that stretch-out onto the street we decided to wait at the bar for our table. Maureen took the pager that would alert us as to when it was our turn to be seated. We pushed our way threw the crowd and managed to grab two seats. I offered to stand and pay for the first round. The skinny blonde bartender raced over as Allison took her seat. “Hey Girl. How are you?”

“Same old same old.” Allison responded flatly.

“So grand gold rocks no salt?” The bartender cooed as she leaned slightly over the bar. I couldn’t help but notice that movement allowed her a better view of Allison’s cleavage.

“You know it.” Allison answered politely as she turned to me. “Stephanie what would you like?”

“The same.” I answered as I pushed myself closer to Allison and glared at the blonde.

“Make that two, Amy.” Allison instructed her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you.” Amy lied. “Maureen what can I get for you?”

“Pepsi.” Maureen sighed.

“Lost the coin toss?” Amy laughed.

“Yes damn it.” Maureen snorted.

Amy returned with our drinks and an order of chips and salsa explaining that the snacks were on her. I was more than a little miffed when I went to pay and was forced to shove the money at Amy who had not taken her eyes off of Allison. Fortunately another customer began to clamor for Amy’s attention before I snapped at her.

“I was really hoping that it was her night off.” Allison sighed.

“Why?” Maureen laughed. “All you have to do is look at her and we are waited on immediately. I did not get this much attention when I was pregnant.”

“Try the chips Stephanie.” Allison offered turning her attention away from the drooling blonde. The chips were excellent and the margarita was everything that Allison promised. The only thing bothering me was Amy. The blonde was really beginning to work my nerves. Every time Allison and I began to engage in a conversation there was Amy. No matter how many times Allison brushed her off she was relentless. The final straw came when for the second time she brought another round of drinks for Allison and Maureen and pretended to have forgotten that I was there. The first time had angered me. The second time I was ready to lung over the bar. Allison’s voice stopped me from reaching over and choking the life out of the blonde.

“Amy.” Allison’s chilly voice rang out. “If it is not too much trouble … do you think that you could bring my friend another drink?”

“Oh? I am so sorry.” Amy lied once again. “What is that you are drinking?”

“Stephanie will have what I am having. It shouldn’t be too difficult for you to remember that.” Allison’s voice cut through the crowded bar. The steely gaze she cast at Amy made the skinny blonde recoil in horror.

“Right away.” Amy muttered as she slinked away.

“Excuse me.” Allison said softly as she gently touched me on the arm and stood. Allison walked to the other end of the bar and cornered Amy. I have no idea what the two women were talking about, but I was very well acquainted with the menacing look in Allison’s eyes. Having been on the receiving end of that glare ten years ago I was very aware of the fear it could instill. I had a feeling that Amy’s days of flirting with Allison were over. I watched with interest until Allison walked away and disappeared.

“Well there goes all of the freebies.” Maureen sighed.

“I don’t think that Amy likes me very much.” I added flatly.

“No?” Maureen laughed. “Maybe she thinks that you are a threat.”

Before I could respond to Maureen’s observations a felt a warm caress on my shoulder. I turned to find the raven-haired beauty smiling at me. “Our table is ready.” Allison said quickly.

“But the beeper didn’t go off?” Maureen questioned.

Just then a stocky dark man dressed in business attire approached us. “Miss. Kendell I would be happy to show you and your party to your table.” Maureen handed him the beeper as he directed us away from the bar. As we were led to the downstairs dinning area I noted quickly that this man was not a waiter or even the manager. We were seated at a quiet corner table. The little man pulled out our chairs and seated us individually. “I apologize for any inconvenience you have incurred. If it meets with your approval I have ordered the chef to prepare something special for you ladies. Everything is on the house. My apologies again.” He repeated as a waiter arrived with another round of margaritas. Allison thanked the man as he made his departure.

The table was silent as the drinks were delivered. A bus boy appeared and began to deposit mountains of food on our table. Allison passed a margarita to Maureen. One would be all right since it appeared that we would be eating for some time. Maureen raised her glass and saluted Allison. “To lawyer Barbie.” Allison simply groaned in response taking a sip of her drink.

“I don’t wish to appear ungrateful.” I said finally. “But the few times in my life when I have worked up the courage to complain about the service the most I ever received was an we are sorry and a coupon for a free appetizer.”

“I am a Kendell.” Allison stated in a dry voice.

“I see.” I answered suddenly thinking at that moment Allison had lost some of her charm. “So the bitch lawyer is still in there.”

Suddenly Maureen and Allison erupted into uncontrollable laughter. “Did I miss something?” I questioned feeling left out on the joke.

“Allison’s family.” Maureen spoke as she stifled her laughter. “Great old family name. One of the countries founding families. Ah to be a Kendell the prestige and history. One slight problem though.”

“No money.” Allison cut in with a huge grin.

“Excuse me?” I pried. “That is like saying the Rockefeller’s live on food stamps.”

“It’s true.” Allison confessed. “Well I don’t know about the Rockefeller’s state of affairs … but the Kendell fortune was blown decades ago. It’s an old story. One generation slaves away does nothing but work and amasses a fortune that should last forever. Except the next two generations go through everything without a second thought for the future. Basically because they have no intention of ever working for a living. Too busy drinking and getting laid. By the time my Dad graduated from Harvard all that was left was a great name and a huge debt.”

“It must be infuriating to have people assume that everything was handed to you?”

“Sometimes. I’m sure people would be shocked to know that I had a paper route when I was a kid. Being a Kendell made it difficult to find a summer job. I had to use the family connections but I was turned away a great deal of the time because people assumed I was rich and didn’t need the money. I give Dad a lot of credit unlike the way he was raised we were never led to believe that we were rich. Of course I am not entirely certain that Grandma knows that the money is long gone. She just keeps spending and sticks poor Dad with the bills. Thank God he makes a good living. But between the bills Gramps left him and his Mother’s spending habits it is never enough. Everything my parents and I have we earned. All of the money I made working on Wall Street went to helping my Dad pay off Gramps’ debt. That and my kid sister Nicole’s love affairs with gin and sleazy men and of course there was all the money I spent trying to get my little brother out of that cult. I did manage to help save the family estate and thanks to God and AA Nicole finally got her life together. Unfortunately David is hanging around Logan Airport handing out flowers.”

“You left out how Chris wiped you out.” Maureen sneered.

“Hey not my little beach house.” Allison protested. “Fortunately, I bought that before we were together.”

“What about Wellesley and Harvard?” I asked quickly not wanting to hear any of the gory details regarding the infamous Chris.

“Working my butt off and academic scholarships.” Allison replied simply.

“Speaking of Chris?” Maureen cut in.

“Let’s not.” Allison groaned.

“Is she still trying to use your beach house in PTown?” Maureen pried.

“Yes.” Allison responded reluctantly. “But I refused. I told her that she brought plenty of women there while we were together and now she could rent a room at the Boat Slip like everyone else.” Allison added defensively.

“I cannot believe her.” Maureen moaned in disgust.

“What do expect, she is a lawyer. New subject. Let’s eat!” Allison insisted as the waiter arrived with a fresh round of margaritas. While Maureen passed on anymore alcohol Allison and I indulged. The food was fantastic and I was enjoying the conversation. The tequila was beginning to have an effect on me, more than once I caught myself touching Allison’s hand or knee. She seemed to ignore my contact until I rested my hand on her thigh.

“Stephanie tell us about Peter.” Allison said briskly as she brushed my hand from her thigh.

“Who?” Maureen asked seemingly unaware of what my hands had been doing.

“Stephanie’s beau.” Allison said directly.

Her message came through loud and clear I was crossing a line. I had to stop. With the reality of my actions and Allison’s apparent rejection. I began to talk about Peter. I told my companions how we met, how long we had been together and what he did for a living. The standard conversation. Maureen asked the usual questions while Allison remained very quiet. I could not blame her. Here I was practically engaged to this man and I could not keep my hands off of her. I felt confused and terrified that I had just lost her friendship. One thing was certain no more alcohol for me tonight. Allison also passed on another round.

As the evening passed the conversation turned to gossip about Haven and the history department. Then to Maureen’s kids at this turn in the conversation Allison finally rejoined the discussion. Perhaps her return was due to the fact that I had finally stopped groping her. I think it had more to due with Maureen’s children. Allison’s face lit up during the conversation. It was clear that Allison adored Maureen’s children especially Jenny, who was the youngest and Allison’s goddaughter. After Maureen gave Allison a halfhearted lecture about spoiling the children, we agreed that it was time to go.

As we stood outside in the cold autumn air waiting for Maureen to bring the car around, I knew that I had to say something to clean up this mess that I had created. In many ways my behavior was no better than Amy’s. “Allison … I … um … I’m sorry.” I stammered.

“It’s okay.” She responded lightly. “Tequila it makes you horny and stupid.”

“Friends?” I asked hesitantly. To my relief she nodded yes and we gave each other a hug. The gesture should have been quick and friendly. But we seemed to melt into each other. “You feel good.” I whispered into her chest.

“So do you.” She murmured sweetly in reply as she rested her chin atop my head. I could feel our hearts beating together. Suddenly Allison jumped back pushing me away from her. “Whoa!” She gasped in horror.

I could not believe what I had just done. “Didn’t I just finish apologizing for this?” Allison started to chew on her bottom lip. It was a strange sight seeing the normally composed giant woman looking like a schoolgirl. We both stood in silence lost in our own thoughts until Maureen drove up. I climbed into the back of the mini van and listened to the chatter in the front seat. The traffic was much lighter at this hour and the return trip was far more relaxing. Although I am not certain I may have nodded off once or twice during the journey.

When we arrived back at our home I quickly exited the vehicle. Unfortunately the effects of the tequila rear it’s ugly head and redefined gravity. Just as I was certain that my face was about to be introduced to the sidewalk I felt strong arms wrap around me. “Easy there Tex.” Allison comforted me. “I guess you don’t have your sea legs yet?” She teased.

“Yeah.” I groaned. “It’s a good thing you warned me about the margaritas or I could have made a complete ass out of myself.” I blushed as I mentally recalled my actions.

“No worries.” Allison laughed. “Let’s get you inside.”

I teetered up the staircase as Allison held onto me. “I could have sworn that I was beginning to sober up.” I groaned. “Hey how come you aren’t drunk?”

“Who’s says I’m not.” Allison protested. “Trust me if I let go of you … I would probably end up going down these stairs ass over tea kettle.” I eyed her suspiciously. “Uh huh.” I added as she searched for her keys. Once inside the apartment Allison guided me to the bedroom. She gently laid me down on the bed and took off my shoes. “You will be more comfortable here. I will take the couch.” She explained.

“No.” I protested childishly all sense of reasoning departed as I pulled her towards me.

Allison stumbled landing on top of me. I felt her body pressing closer to mine. I looked into those deep blue orbs as she lowered her face to mine. Our lips were so close to touching I could feel her breath on my skin. I hated when these feelings would over take my sense of reality. But I was helpless to resist. “It was the alcohol.” I reasoned. “Just like the other times I felt this way. What about Gigi?” My inner voice questioned. “We were kids. It was nothing. Not to her.” Although my mind was screaming to stop my body had other ideas. I raised my head and brushed her lips gently with my own. The heat from the gentle caress was overwhelming. I reach up and pulled her into me. Parting my lips I invited her in. Allison accepted my invitation eagerly. The kiss deepen as our bodies pressed against each other. Without realizing it I opened my legs as her thigh nestled between them. Soon our hips began to move in rhythm. “This feels so right. For the first time in my life I am on fire. For the first time I know that I can let go.”

Allison gasped for air as she broke away from my lips. I looked into her eyes and I knew that I wanted her. I reached up and unbuttoned her jacket. I gently slid it off of her shoulders. I could see the passion in her eyes as she gazed down at me. She lowered herself and began to unbutton my blouse. In response I reached up and fulfilled a fantasy that had been running through my head all evening. My fingers began to caress the silk camisole. Soon the touch of silk wasn’t enough. I wanted to feel her. Running my hand down the silk garment until I could feel the tight muscles of her stomach. I gently tugged the camisole out her pants and ran my hand up her tight body.

While I was preoccupied with my own explorations Allison had managed to not only open my blouse but had unclasped my bra as well. My nipples harden as she lifted the garment up and exposed my breast to the cool night air. She moaned in pleasure as I gently cupped her breast taking her already erect nipple between my fingers teasing it gently. Our hips began to dance together once again. I was mesmerized as I watched her lower her mouth to my breast. “Harder… .” I begged as she began to suckle my nipple. I moaned with pleasure as I arched my back trying to offer her more.

Suddenly she stopped and pulled herself away turning her back to me. I caught her by the shoulders and turned her back to me. As I pulled her body towards mine my hands resumed the exploration. This time they roamed much further down her body. I began to unbutton her pants and lower the zipper. She closed her eyes and pressed into me. Slowly I began to slide her pants down her body. As I pulled them lower I allowed my hands to explore her tender flesh. My heart raced as I realized that this was what I had been waiting for my entire life.

“NO!” Allison protested suddenly pulling herself away. With that one word there was no longer any room for debate. In silence I laid there as she sat on the edge of the bed unable to look at me. The events of the evening flooded over me. “What had I been thinking? I wasn’t thinking that was the problem!” “Oh God.” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

Allison turned to me and caressed my face gently wiping away my tears. “Stephanie it is all right.” She said softly. “Hey don’t cry. I bet in the morning we will laugh about this.”

“I must be the worst house guest ever.” I sniffled.

“Oh yeah I just hate it when beautiful women want to make love to me.” Allison teased.

“Then why …” I began to say.

“Stephanie you are drunk and there are rules about that.” Allison stated firmly. “And even if you were sober …”

“I see.” I interrupted her explanation. “She isn’t interested in me that way.”

“No you don’t see.” Allison spoke with a sincere gentleness. “Even if we had not been drinking … . there is someone in your life.”

“Peter.” I gasped as the reality hit me. “How could I have brushed his memory away so quickly?”

“Peter.” She repeated in a heavy voice. “The fact that the person in your life is a man just brings up a whole new drama. And frankly I’m not up for it.”

“How could I ever explain this to Peter? How am I going to share an office with Allison every day not to mention live downstairs from her?” “What did I do?” I whispered as I ground my face into my hands. “Idiot!”

“Hey.” Allison whispered softly. “Give yourself a break here. Trust me I am not offended … you should have seen some of the stunts my kid sister pulled when she still drinking. Nikki could make a sailor blush. Stephanie please let it go. Personally I will not hold one night of tequila ruin our friendship. So you made a pass at me. Big deal it’s not like you kicked a puppy.”

“Tequila … horny and stupid.” I smiled as I wiped away my tears.

“I warned you about those margaritas.” Allison teased as she ruffled my short blonde locks. Suddenly even though there was just a few years between the two of us, I felt very young. “I remember my first experience with tequila. Back at Wellesley some of my sorority sisters were bored so they thought it would be a good idea to introduce me to Jose Cuervo.”

“You were a sorority girl?” I asked in disbelief.

“Of course.” She laughed. “Sigma Kappa Epsilon. Why let me guess you were a Delta girl.”

“No I was never in a sorority.” I sighed. “I was so much younger than everyone else.”

“Oh? That must have been hard?” She said sympathetically.

“At times.” I admitted. “So tell me about the night you were introduced to Jose? Did you make a pass at someone too?”

“I wish.” She blushed at the memory. “No I climbed up on the roof of the Kappa house took off all of my clothes and sang several chorus’ of ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina’. After they managed to get me down before campus security arrived I spent the rest of the evening worshiping the porcelain god. So you see you are ahead of the game. You managed to keep most of your clothing on, you have not sung any show tunes and you haven’t thrown up.”

“Yet.”

“Well if you feel a song coming on or the bed starts to spin, just give me a shout. Good night Stephanie.” Allison said gently mussing my hair once again.

“Good night Allison and thank you.”

“Anytime.” She smiled as she stood to leave. As she turned away she instantly crashed onto the floor. “Damn it!”

“Are you all right?” I called out as I jumped from the bed and fumbled around the nightstand to find the light switch. The sudden brightness was startling. But not as startling as the sight of Allison sprawled across the floor with her pants around her ankles holding her knee wincing in pain. “Allison?”

“I’m fine.” She groaned. “I tripped over my pants. I completely fought that they were down.”

I couldn’t help myself as I burst out in laughter. She giggled in response then moaned in pain. “My God she is hurt!” Instant sobriety kicked in as I rushed to her side. I wrapped my arms around her and assisted the taller woman up onto the bed. “Ouch.” She cried. “I am such a klutz. I am always doing this.” I raised my eyebrows questioning. “Let’s just say that my middle name isn’t Grace.”

“This doesn’t look good Allison.” I explained as I examined her swollen knee. “We need to elevate this. Why don’t you put on something more comfortable. I will get some ice.”

“I’m fine.” She protested.

“Right.” I admonished her brave attempts. “Do you need help getting changed.” She shook her head no. “Good then get changed and lay down I will be right back.” I commanded as I stormed out the bedroom and made my way into the kitchen. I fumbled around in the darkness until I finally discovered the kitchen. When I flipped on the light I gasped at the sight before me. It was enormous and fully equipped with everything. I would love to cook in here. I noticed that it was also spotless. I could not believe it after seeing what she had done to her office. Deep down Allison Kendell was a neat freak. It was when I opened the refrigerator that I discovered her true secret to keeping her kitchen in such a pristine condition. The interior was packed with carton after carton of every variety of take out food. It seemed that Allison’s version of cooking required the use of a telephone. Shaking my head in disgust I closed the door and opened the freezer to get what I came for. The contents of the freezer convinced me that the rest of Allison’s culinary talents were limited to the microwave. I reached for the ice trays and discovered that they were empty. “Apparently she fought the recipe for ice as well.” I filled the trays and placed them in the freezer. Then I grabbed the next best thing I could find a handful of frozen burritos. In one of the draws I found a dishtowel that I was certain had never been used. Silently I wonder if Allison was even aware that the kitchen existed.

Wrapping the burritos in the towel I made my way back into the bedroom. I found Allison reclined on the bed clad in an t-shirt with the words Obey Me written across the front and a pair of boxer shorts. I made my way over to the bed and gently raised her knee and carefully placed a pillow under it then I placed the towel across her swollen knee. “Ouch!” She groaned. “What is this?” She asked as she peeked into the hand towel. “Bean and cheese an excellent choice.”

“You are out of ice.”

“Again? I am always forgetting to fill those things.”

“You might want to check out your fridge I think something is growing in there.” I explained as I searched her dresser for something to sleep in. I found a large white cotton blouse. Without thinking I stripped and threw it on. Although I am certain it fit Allison perfectly on me the garment was overwhelming. I turned to find Allison staring at me with her mouth hanging open. “That is cute.” I said pointing to her t-shirt.

“It belonged to Chris.” She explained. “It took it when I left. It was her favorite. I know that must sound petty but I couldn’t resist.”

“So she got your BMW and you got a T-shirt?”

“Did I mention that it was her favorite?”

“Uh huh.” I laughed as I crawled into bed next to her. “Remind me that if I ever need a lawyer that I should call you ex-girlfriend.”

She turned off the light and we both drifted off to sleep knowing that we were both sober enough to no longer fear my earlier temptations. My attempt at sexual exploration was over. At least for that night.

CHAPTER THREE

The next morning I awoke to the sweet sounds of the birds singing just outside the bedroom window. That sweet tune felt like an ice pick piercing through my already throbbing head. “Kill it!” I moaned as I buried my head under the pillow.

“I would if I could lift my head off of the pillow.” Allison groaned in agony.

Slowly I crawled out from under my pillow to be assaulted by the blinding glare of the sun. “I will never drink again.” I vowed as I curled up against Allison trying to hide from the offending light. “Poor baby.” Allison said softly. “Come here.” She whispered as she pulled me into her waiting arms. “Where does it hurt?” She inquired as she gently stroked my hair.

“Everywhere.” I sobbed pitifully. “How is your knee?” I asked as I listened to the steady beating of her heart.

“Better. But I think the burritos are done for.”

“I’m sorry about last night.” I apologized again.

“Don’t be I wasn’t exactly … unwilling.”

“But at least you were thinking.” I said softly.

“Was I?” Allison questioned with a touch of sadness. “Stephanie?”

“Yes.” I responded with a hard swallow.

“Have you?” She began nervously. “Never mind.”

“What is it Allison?” I asked as I lifted my body so I could look into her eyes.

“Have you done anything like that before?” She asked hesitantly.

“Well …” I began uncertain as to just how I should answer her. “Have I ever gotten so drunk that I put my hands down another woman’s pants?” The answer was no. But that wasn’t the complete truth. How many times did I have one too many to find myself making out with another woman only to sober up quickly and go running off into the night. Then there was Gigi. Although we never made love … technically what we did together certainly went beyond friendship. Of course that is not what I told myself at the time. So I have had urges before. And now here I am lying in her arms feeling more at home than I have ever with any man. “What is happening to me? Nothing is happening except that I am finally waking up.” Suddenly I felt my world come crashing down around me.

“Stephanie?” Allison nudged me.

“Trust me I have never done anything like I did last night.” I hedged. “But … I have kissed a girl before.”

“Uh huh.” Allison responded suspiciously.

“Well more than one.” I confessed. “But it never went past that. And it only happened a few times when I was…”

“When you were drunk.” Allison finished for me.

“Yes.” I admitted feeling that I hadn’t explained myself very well. Of course I knew that I couldn’t tell her about my teenage explorations with Gigi.

Without a word Allison released her hold on me and got out of bed and walked out of the room. Left alone with my thoughts I started to remember poor Gigi. We were sixteen and the best of friends, even though I had already started college and Gigi was in High School. It all started innocently enough we were laying on my bed talking about sex. When you are sixteen what else did you talk about. The two main topics of conversation were boys and shopping. Since I had already began to formulate my life plan and money was tight, very often I had little to add to the conversation. But talking with Gigi was easier than the other girls that I knew. This particular afternoon the conversation took a strange turn.

Somehow the we began to discuss masturbation and somehow it was decided that we should. That is how it started laying next to each other. Both of us fully clothed with our hands down our jeans touching ourselves. Neither of us achieved a climax but there was something about the event that intrigued both of us. Without discussing what had occurred that day, we continued with our exploration each time that found ourselves alone in one or the other’s bedrooms. Our explorations escalated to the point where we would undress ourselves leaving only our panties on. Although this made our afternoons more exciting neither of us had climaxed yet. That changed one afternoon in my bedroom while my grandmother was out shopping.

We were lying side by side staring into each other’s eyes. I could feel my excitement growing as I watched Gigi pleasure herself. Frustrated by my own excitement I continue my own exploration. Finally I conceded that it wasn’t going to happen so I stopped. “Let me help you.” Gigi encouraged as she reached out for me. “No.” I blurted out as I pulled away. Seeing the hurt in my friend’s eyes I knew that I couldn’t tell her that I was afraid. “Let me help you.” I explained quickly as I reached out and began to caress Gigi’s breast. The moan that escaped Gigi’s lips sent shivers down my spine. “Touch yourself.” I instructed her in a voice that I did not recognize. Gigi obeyed my instructions. I was overcome by a sudden wave of desire as I captured Gigi’s breast in my mouth. I suckled my friend’s nipple as I watched the girl pleasure herself. I could feel Gigi’s body begin to tremble. Without realizing what I was doing I rolled Gigi onto her side and curled up behind her. I rocked myself into Gigi’s backside while playing with her breast. Gigi’s hand began to move with intensity in her own underwear. “OH GOD! YEEESSSS!!!!!” Gigi screamed out. I continued to rock my body into Gigi’s until the girl climaxed for a second time.

We went on like that for over a year. Never progressing past that point and never discussing what we were doing. Not that Gigi didn’t want to. But I was far too afraid. Telling myself that if we didn’t talk about it then it wasn’t real. So I blocked all attempts Gigi made to take things to the next level. Finally Gigi grew tired of my lack of acknowledgment. Tired of the one sided physical aspects of our unspoken attachment. Gigi simply walked away one day and found someone else. Very quickly I blocked it out and tried not think of just what it had meant to her. Deep down I knew that I was the one that had hurt Gigi. “Forgive me I was afraid.” I whispered as I looked up at the ceiling in Allison’s apartment.

“So now what?” Suddenly all of the pieces of my life began to fit together and for the first time. Had Allison seen right through the lies that I have been telling myself? For the past few years I had been telling myself that Peter was my life. But I was the one who always put the brakes on when he got too close or tried to take the next step in our relationship. Sure we made love but only when it was convenient for me. He tried so hard to please me. How could I have forgotten that passion I felt with Gigi that had been the closest I had ever come to reaching an orgasm. As I lay in Allison’s bed it was becoming all to clear that I was a big fat liar. Somehow Allison Kendell had seen through my facade. I drew the bed covers around me feeling suddenly exposed.

Allison reentered the room. “I put some coffee on.” She said stiffly. “I’m going to take a shower. We have a staff meeting at eleven. Then I have a class. Maybe after the Dean’s tea this afternoon we could go and pick up a futon for you.” She departed the room without waiting for me to answer. I could tell by the intentional distance in her voice that even if my newfound awakening was true I had blown my chance with her. I just prayed that I had not lost her friendship as well.

I gathered my clothing and raced downstairs to my own apartment. I closed the door quickly not wanting to meet any of my new neighbors while racing out of Allison’s apartment wearing only a shirt first thing in the morning. Call me crazy but I just didn’t think it would make the best of impressions. As I entered my new apartment the emptiness left me cold. I shrugged off the chill and chose a suit that would be appropriate for both the staff meeting and the Dean’s Tea. As I climbed into the shower I quickly found myself lost in thought once again. “What are you going to do Stephanie?” Had the light finally dawned or was last night just one of those things. It was possible that I was just curious.

“Stop lying to yourself! This is what got you into this mess in the first place. How could I not know that I was attracted to women? But you did know. What did you think every teenage girl would blow off the mall so they could watch their best friend get off? Let’s not forget your helping hands either. Did you think everyone sucked on their best friends nipples so they could come? I was just … just what??? Face it last night you acted on pure desire!”

As the water splashed over my body my was coming back to me. All of those almost intimate moments in my life. The female friends in my life. They had not simply drifted out of my life. I had pushed them away. Because they had simply become too close. Those few innocent kisses. I had gotten drunk so I could allow myself to do what I really wanted to do. Then I pulled away when things had gotten too intense. They say you learn something new every day. Today I learned that I had led the majority of my life as a coward. I’m just not certain that I can change that? “Can I do this? Should I do this?”

The temperature of the water dropped suddenly and I was forced to exit the safety of my shower. The internal battle continued. By the time I was dressed I had come to a decision. The decision was simple I was not going to jump into anything. I was far too confused at the moment to make any life altering choices. Basically I was deciding not to decide anything. “Yeah that works. Coward!” I was jolted from my battle as my ceiling began to vibrate from the music that was blaring from Allison’s apartment. As the ceiling shook violently, the sweet aroma of coffee filled the air. I needed caffeine and I needed it bad. My courage failed me. Big surprise! After the way I had behaved last night how could I go back upstairs? I was not entirely certain that I would be able to face Allison Kendell again.

I adjusted my suit and packed my briefcase. I hated facing yet another faculty meeting as the newest member of the department. It was like being the new kid in school all over again. Before she died my Mother moved us seven times in as many years. I never really got the hang of making friends. When I went to live with my Grandmother I was finally in a place that was permanent. But I kept skipping grades that was worse than moving around. How do you bond with people who are older than you but not as smart? Let’s just say I was stuffed into my locker more than once. The only friends I had made in my life were Gigi and I screwed that up. Then Peter and I had a feeling that I was about to screw that up. And now Allison and that wasn’t looking like it is going to last either.

As I repacked my briefcase for the third time I could no longer deny that I was stalling. I should just leave. After all Allison never suggested that we commute together. After what had happened the night before she might prefer it if I just stayed away from her all together. “Coffee?” A voice called from behind me. I turned to find Allison standing in my doorway. She was dressed smartly in a cream colored suit. The light from the French doors illuminated her well-defined body. She was breathtaking. “I … um … um … yes.” I stammered. “Idiot!”

“Come on then.” She waved to me. Her voice had warmed considerably but I could still detect a hint of coldness to it.

I followed her obediently up the staircase. As we entered her apartment I could not help in thinking just how truly pathetic I was. The music was deafening, but I liked it. The steady rhythm of the guitar was intense. I felt my face redden as the sultry female sing crooned about you little secret. “Sorry about the music.” Allison shouted as she made her way over to the CD player and shut it off. “Melissa.” She stated simply with a shrug. “It is something of a morning ritual of mine. I never realized how loud it was sounded downstairs. George never complained.”

“It is all right. I like it.” I answered with a smile. “Who is Melissa?”

“How is your head?”

“Better.” I lied. “I still feel as if elves are tap dancing on my skull. How is your knee?”

“Fine.” She answered. “How do you like it?”

“What?” I gasped.

“Your coffee?” She offered in a bewildered tone. “How do you like your coffee … cream … sugar?”

“Just milk please.” I answered quickly feeling very foolish once again.

“I think there is some in the refrigerator. I’m not positive though. I drink mine black.” She offered in a casual manner. It would appear that Allison was at least trying to forget about the embarrassing events of last evening and this morning.

I thanked her as she placed a mug of coffee on the counter for me. I searched the bizarre contents of her refrigerator until I came upon a small carton of milk. It had been hidden behind something that was unidentifiable. I opened the carton and was suddenly overwhelmed. I do not know if it was the stench emanating from the carton or the tequila from last night or a combination of both … but I was about to be sick. I threw the carton into the sink and raced off to the bathroom.

Upon my return to the kitchen I found Allison cleaning up the mess I had made. “I’m so sorry Stephanie.” She apologized profusely meeting my gaze for the first time since we snuggled in bed this morning. “Allison Kendell that refrigerator is a disgrace.” I said trying to regain my composure.

“I know… I know.” She looked down in embarrassment. ” I keep meaning to clean it out. But I never seem to get around to it. Plus I never cook and I drink my coffee black and … and … I’m sorry.”

“Forget it. I used your toothbrush.” I snarled as I retrieved my coffee from the counter.

“That seems fair.” She laughed.

“I think I just switched to black coffee as well.” I said, afraid to ask for some sugar. As I sipped the coffee slowly I braced myself for the bitter after taste. But there wasn’t any just a slight hint of vanilla. I had the impression that Allison was not as inept in the kitchen as would like to appear to be. But then again Oscar Madison had a clean fridge so there goes that theory. “Can I asked you something?”

“Sure.” She responded carefully.

“The music … who is Melissa?” I asked.

“Etheridge… Melissa Etheridge.” She answered with a combination of shock and horror.

“Of course.”

“Don’t you have lesbians in Connecticut?”

“No.” I stated blankly. “We send them all to New York.”

“Humor?” She teased.

We stood there silence as we sipped our coffee each lost in our own thoughts. “I’m sorry Stephanie.” She said finally breaking the uneasy silence. “For?” I responded in confusion.

“Last night … this morning.” She whispered sincerely.

“Why? You are not the one who got drunk and then made a pass at your hostess. Then there is the inflicting of bodily injury and of course throwing up.” I sighed in defeat. “Wait I won’t apologize for throwing up that was definitely your fault. Next time remember that they put expiration dates on things for a reason.”

“Well you can let yourself off the hook for my knee as well. Technically I did that to myself.” She teased.

“While trying to avoid my advances.” I insisted.

“Well at least I did not end up in the emergency room.” She laughed in a vain attempt to lighten the mood. “Could you imagine trying to explain to some poor intern at three in the morning that you tripped over your own pants.”

“The past twenty four hours have been something of a roller coaster ride.” I said absently.

“Poor baby.” She sighed compassionately.

Somehow I knew that at that moment she wanted to touch me. I also knew that I wanted her to do it. The moment passed and she did not reach out to me. “Everything is suddenly very confusing.” I admitted finally praying that she understood what it was that I was trying to say.

“I do not want to cause you anymore confusion.” She spoke with such tenderness. I watched intently as she brushed back a lock of her raven hair. “And I won’t. I would like for us to friends. But if my friendship causes you any problems I could …”

“No.” I interrupted her those blue eyes grew dark. “No your friendship won’t cause me any problems.” I clarified. “Allison I haven’t had very many lasting friendships in my life. I am just starting to realize that it is my fault. I treasure your friendship and I would like to keep it.”

Allison had insisted on driving to campus. Along the drive Allison complained nonstop about having to wear high heels and a skirt. As she ranted I could not help but notice how great she looked. “Why can’t I just stop looking at her? Are you nuts? A blind man could see how hot this woman is. That is so true I may or may not be gay but anyone would stare at those legs that just keep going on and on and … . and on … and …”

“I mean what sick bastard invented these things. Like I’m not tall enough.” Allison continued to bitch about her footwear. There something about Allison that I noticed this morning in addition to her legs. She was going to great lengths to avoid eye contact with me. It was a small thing but even during our first encounter Allison had always maintained direct eye contact. After watching her over the past few weeks I picked up on the fact that she made a point to do this with everyone. Until now. Wow I must have really freaked her out. “Why should she be freaked out? Even if I am a lesbian she has made it quite clear that she is not an option.”

Upon arriving on campus we went directly to our office. How comforting it all sounded, our office …our house. From the other side of the partition that separated our desks I could hear Allison fumbling around. I wanted so desperately to go to her. I pushed the thought from my mind as I dialed the telephone company and made the necessary arrangements to have my new telephone installed. Of course these days there was no actual installation. You buy a new phone and someone somewhere flips a switch. I groaned as the woman on the other end listed my options. I needed to choose a local carrier and a long distance carrier and did I want Internet services, voice mail, caller id and so on. I chose my local and long distance carriers and made a note about the Internet. Not sure if I would need it since I was already on line at my office here on campus. I carefully jotted down my new telephone number as the very pleasant woman read it off. She informed me that my new service would be connected no later than tomorrow afternoon. The woman’s voice was very soothing and I found myself doing what I always did. I tried to picture what she looked like. Suddenly I blushed as this innocent game that I had always played took on a new meaning.

I thanked the woman as she transferred me so I could confirm that I chose my local and long distance carriers freely. Sometimes I missed the days when Ma Bell controlled the world. As I waited patiently I looked over to the couch in the corner of the office. I smiled noting that Allison had made good on her promise and cleaned her side of the office. That alone should irk good old Stan. I finished with the telephone company and made my next call to the cable company. This call did not go as smoothly. Unlike the telephone company there was only one option in certain areas as to who could be your cable provider. The problem came from trying to set up a time. With my schedule we could not agree since they came between the scheduled time and hell freezing over. Frustrated knowing that taking an entire day off at the start of the semester during your first week on the job was very unwise. Allison finally came to the rescue when she shouted over the partition that Mrs. Giavanni could let them in. I shouted my thanks to her and set up an appointment. I knew that my meager belongings would be more than safe under Mrs. Giavanni’s watchful eye.

I hung up and listened to Allison chatting on the telephone to someone in what sounded like French. I sat there twirling my pencil and debated on whether or not to call Peter. I really should call him after all we had not spoken in weeks. What would I say to him? “Hi sweetheart how is work going? Oh by the way I almost cheated on you last night. Oh yeah and I might be gay. What is new with you?” Twenty-four hours ago my only problems consisted of finding a suitable apartment for Peter and myself and beating Allison at tennis. Granted now those problems were history. I found an apartment that was far from suitable for two people and playing tennis with Allison was no longer what I had in mind. “And just who is she speaking French to?”

“Au revoir et n’oubliez pas de me donner un coup de fil.” Allison finished and hung up the telephone.

“I wonder what that means? The Au revoir is pretty simple but … way to focus Stephanie! Stop eavesdropping and call your boyfriend!” My hands were shaking as I dialed the familiar number. “What is wrong with me I am almost thirty three years old. I have a PHD in early American history. I have written five books on the hidden secrets of this nation’s history. So why am I sitting here with sweaty palms terrified at the prospect of talking to my boyfriend of almost six years? This is insane! Maybe hearing his voice will help put things in perspective? Maybe he is busy and I will get his voice mail? Coward!”

“Peter Burton.” He answered cheerfully.

“Damn! I mean Hi Honey.” Smooth Blondie! I watched as Allison made a sudden departure from the office stopping at the coffee table located just outside of our office. Maureen joined her and the two began what seemed to be an animated conversation.

“Steffi Sweetheart!” Peter’s voice beamed through the receiver. “It is so good to finally hear your voice. I was beginning to think that you didn’t love me anymore.”

I could tell that he was teasing but that did not stop the guilt from stabbing at my heart. “I miss you too.” I lied. As the words left my lips it looked as if Allison was about to reenter the office. She turned quickly and rejoined Maureen. “I found an apartment.” I continued realizing that I was about to hurt two very dear people. “But there is some bad news.”

“What is it?” He said quietly.

“Well Peter you see it is like this …” I hesitated unsure of just what to tell him. “It is a studio.” I said quickly knowing that there was no way I was going to do this over the telephone. “It is much too small for two people.” I ended quickly.

“That is it?” Peter laughed. “You worry about the strangest things. Look I will see it when I come up in a few weeks for our anniversary. If it is too small then it still isn’t a problem. I am being transferred to Providence and maybe by the time I move we can find something together. Maybe someplace between Haven and Rhode Island. I know it will be a commute for both of us. We should think about getting you a car.”

“But I agreed to rent it at least until the end of the semester.” I argued.

“Sweetheart that is not a problem. I’m not leaving here until the end of the year. And who knows maybe by then I could probably hook up with a company in Boston or Cambridge. There is a lot of new tech companies starting up in Lynnfield and New Hampshire, which would be closer to Haven so I could start looking there.” He was so comforting and so willing to do anything to make me happy.

“Peter you love working for Syntak.” I protested.

“I love you more.” He added. “Great more guilt! How could I have betrayed him so easily?”

To make matter worse while Peter continued his end of the conversation filling me in on what was happening in his life and how much he missed me, I was ogling Allison as she was talking to Maureen. Everything about her set me on fire. How could I be doing this? Here I am talking casually to Peter while I am lusting after Allison. “Can’t blame the tequila this time.” I needed to sort this out. I was not going to tell him anything until I was positive and I won’t do it on the telephone. He deserved better then that.

Peter and I had been friends at UConn. even though he was a few years older than myself. After I went on to Yale we stayed friends. Then when my Grandmother became ill he was the only one that was really there for me. When she past away it was Peter who held me together. He helped with all of the arrangements and took care of me. It was then that I began to see this shy dark haired boy with big brown puppy dog eyes in a new light. After the few family and friends left the house the day we buried her he sat up with me and held me as I cried myself to sleep. Then He helped sell the house and settle my Grandmother’s affairs. When everything was finished I took him to dinner to thank him for all he had done.

It was on that night that we kissed for the first time and he has been the man in my life ever since. He was the perfect choice even if a part of me felt as if something was missing. On our first anniversary together He finally confessed to me that he had been in love with me for years but lacked the courage to say anything. I remembered how adorable he was while admitting to the truth. The poor guy turned every shade of red imaginable. It was at that moment that I decided that this was the man I was going to marry. Everything seemed perfect until last night. I suddenly wished my Grandmother were still alive. I needed her now more than ever. She had been the one constant in my life. Is that what Peter was? Did he simply step into her shoes as my guiding light?

If my Grandmother were still alive would I be with Peter? And if that dear sweet very conservative very Irish Catholic lady were still with me what would she say about my current situation? “That would not be pretty! I have a feeling that Peter’s reaction isn’t going to be any better.” Poor Peter. He waited for me all of those years and now I do nothing but take him for granted. Here He is ready to leave a job that he loves just to be with me. Would I do the same for him? What about Peter was my only attraction to him that he is the complete opposite of my Father?

“Stephanie?” Peter voice called to me. I apologized quickly lying about a bad connection. I informed him that my telephone would be hooked up tomorrow and I gave him the number. Then I lied once again and told him how much I was looking forward to seeing him. As I hung up the telephone I felt like a complete fraud. My brilliant life plan had not taken into account that sometimes life has plans of it’s own. I have been forcing myself to change who I am to fit some kind of ideal of who I should be. All the while telling myself that I was happy.

Was I happy? The twenty million dollar question. I told myself I was. But that was before Maureen walked into that seminar I was teaching and made me an offer I could not refuse. Prior to Maureen’s offer I had been actively pursuing a position at Brown. I had taught a seminar there and the faculty was impressed. But there weren’t any openings at that time. If I had just gotten the position at Brown everything would have been perfect. Peter could have transferred and we would have gotten married and started a family. Everything would have been just fine. Until the day the truth would have forced it’s way out. Then what would I have done? This is bad enough but at least I found out now. I suddenly realized what I had just admitted to myself. This wasn’t about Allison or Peter. This was about me. I was not making a decision. I was simply accepting the truth. The problem was that the truth was screwing everything up.

“Stephanie?” Maureen called to me bringing me back to reality or as close to it as I can get at this moment. “Time for the staff meeting.” She informed me. I followed Maureen and Allison to Bradley Hall. There was a large gathering in one of the lecture halls. Maureen had thoughtfully arranged for food services to set up an array of coffee and Danish. It was a welcome treat just the thing I needed to take my mind off of everything. I eagerly helped myself to a large cup of coffee and an apple Danish. I searched for Allison only to discover her surrounded by a large group of people.

Over come with shyness I was suddenly the new kid at school once again. There I was standing on the outside while everyone else gathered in his or her own little groups. I was horrified to see Allison do the same. “So much for the we can still be friends chat we had this morning. Was it my phone call to Peter? I know she must have heard me tell him that I missed him. Was that it? Of course it was. How two faced I must have seemed. But she didn’t understand. I owe him. Peter is a decent man. Why should I have to explain this to her? More importantly why do I feel that I should?”

I look around to find a place to seat myself. I looked hopefully towards Allison but she did not seem to notice me. I could not help but notice that mostly women surrounded her. One in particular was an older very attractive woman with dark skin and a slight hint of gray in her hair. I noticed her because she was overly friendly towards Allison. “Great now I am jealous. Last night I discover lust and today I am awaken to jealousy and envy.” Years of keeping my emotions in check had come crashing down and I was exposed. I also felt like a major dork standing there with my coffee and Danish with nowhere to go. I was forced to take the only seat available. I sat next to Stan. With his twelve-year-old tweed suit, graying hair and wire rimmed glasses, Stan was the portrait of a history professor. I said good morning to him and he simply grunted in reply. I could not help looking over my shoulder to see Allison. She was laughing at something the older woman had said.

“How are you surviving?” Stan asks finally.

“What?” I question him surprised that the man had spoken to me.

“How are you surviving sharing office space with Kendell?” He snarled as he spoke her name. “She is such a fraud.”

“Allison and I are getting along very well thank you.” I snap injured by his assessment of Allison. Of course it seems odd defending her while she was sitting on the other side of the room and I was stuck there with Stan. Stan was possibly the most boring person on the face of the earth.

“Just be careful.” Stan warned me.

“What do you mean?”

“Well you never know with those people.” He cautioned me.

Those people! Is that what I was afraid of? Being labeled. “You know Stan… I know that your specialty is early American history … but you really should take a look at this century.” I snarled at him.

“All I am saying …” He began to argue obliviously put off by my tone.

“Stan!” I cut him off. “I’m not interested.”

Thankfully Maureen chose that moment to begin and walked up to the podium. Everyone greeted her with applause. “Suck ups.” Maureen laughed. Maureen proceeded to give her speech. I could tell by the looks of my fellow faculty members that this particular speech has been heard more than once. Maureen explained that this was the last time the entire faculty would meet as a whole during the semester. The department was divided by several different classifications ranging from time periods and geographical interest. Maureen went on to remind everyone of the constant cross over that would occur within our department as well as with other departments and that teamwork was the key. Then she listed accomplishments of the staff who had published or received awards during the past semester. Then she reminded everyone of the old academic rule of survival publish or perish. I noticed that she was looking directly at Allison as she said this.

Maureen also reminded us not to abuse the interns and TA’s since they were here to learn. Then she introduced me as the newest member of the department. She listed all of my accomplishments etc. Everyone seemed impressed. Everyone except Allison. I stood and received a very warm round of applause as my new peers greeted me. Maureen concluded the meeting with a reminder that the department’s basketball team the relics still needed positions filled. She assured us that this would be the year that we would finally beat the English department. She looked once again to Allison who simply raised a single eyebrow with a questioning look. “Basketball huh? I always did well with that sport and others. My only hold back was I could never play for my school since my age never matched my grade level. This might be a nice diversion. Then again a little one on one practice sessions with a certain tall dark history professor could certainly be enjoyable.”

The room emptied quickly and Allison was nowhere to be found. Dejected I walked back to my office alone. I found Allison and Maureen in a heated conversation. Not wanting to interrupt, I busied myself at the coffee station. I tried not to listen but my close proximity and their raised voices made it impossible.

“Allison I want to see you make tenure.” Maureen scolded her.

“So I do.” Allison defended herself.

“What about Stanford?” Maureen pushed.

“Nothing is definite yet.” Allison sighed. “It would be a seven week seminar with a promise to our Dean that I will return. But I will miss the spring semester here. It would be good for my resume.”

“Think about it.” Maureen pushed harder. “You need something like this. You also need to publish.”

“I know.” Allison groaned.

“You could work with Stephanie.” Maureen suggested. “Her specialty is the American Civil War. You are always talking about doing something on your family history.”

“Stephanie must have a very full plate already.” Allison argued.

“Is there a problem? I told you that I want the two of you to get along.”

“Oh we are.” Allison replied in a dry tone. Her deep contralto voice sent shivers down my spine.

It was time to save Allison. I walked in pretending to be oblivious to the tension. I carried in two cups of coffee both black and set one down on Allison’s desk. “Thanks for leaving me with Stan.” I teased her. I was not prepared for the fiery blue stare I received in return.

“You left her with Stan!” Maureen chastised her. “Didn’t you just tell me that the two of you were getting along?”

“Don’t worry we are.” I replied with a false air of calmness. “So long as you don’t leave me with Stan again.”

I was surprised when Allison simply turned to her desk without saying a word. “Stephanie do you play basketball?” Maureen asked out of the blue. “No.” I lied. Suddenly I had lost interest in the game. Allison’s coldness left me feeling vacant.

“Damn.” Maureen grumbled. “Allison if you do go to Stanford will you be back in time for the softball season?”

“No.” Allison responded curtly.

“The team needs you.” Maureen pushed.

“Why?” Allison laughed. “Is it the way I can’t hit, throw or run? Maureen how many times do I have to tell you not all of us girls are good in sports. Look at you. You are a total jock and the picture of heterosexuality. Lesbians having an innate ability for sports is a myth.”

“Then why are you so good at tennis?” Maureen teased.

“That is the Martina gene.” Allison snorted. “And I am not talking about that snotty little punk who is on the circuit now.”

I listened to the two of them banter back and forth. “Why did you lie about playing basketball? A few moments ago you wanted to play?”

“How about you Stephanie?” Maureen asked innocently.

“What?”

“Do you play softball?” Maureen repeated.

“Yes.” I answered honestly this time. “I used to play first base and I did a little pitching. It was hard in school to stay on a team because I was always younger than everyone else. But in Grad school I played with a local team. I did okay.”

“Great! You can join the team in the spring.” Maureen cheered then she bounced out of the room.

“How is our softball team?” I asked noticing that Allison was still refusing to look at me.

“The Relics.” Allison chuckled. “We suck.”

“Great.” I moaned. “Who cares. I ‘m looking forward to playing again. It should be fun. After all winning isn’t everything.”

“Tell that to Maureen.” Allison commented dryly.

I stood there for a moment uncertain as to how to keep the conversation going. I made a couple of attempts and received one-word answers in response. Finally Allison stood and excused herself muttering something about going to the library. Not once did she look at me. I sulked over to my desk and finished working on my syllabus for tomorrow’s classes. I worked on the computer for what seemed like hours. I looked at my watch and realized that Allison’s class was meeting. I told myself that I was going over there to listen to her theories on the Brady Bunch and it had nothing to do with wanting to see her. I ran hoping to catch the class before it was over.

As slipped quietly in and hid in the back of the room. Luckily her class was running late again. The students were captivated as always. But it was obvious that Allison was wrapping things up. I loved to watch her in action. Maybe I could learn something from her about teaching. I needed to find out what her schedule was for the new semester.

“So what have we learned from television?” Allison asked her students. “From the facts and the distortions that the media has offered to us?”

“That most lesbians would choose Jan as their favorite Brady.” One girl shouted out. The classroom erupted with laughter as I blushed.

“Yes.” Allison agreed with a smile. “That is true even though neither the character or the actress are gay. Which is too bad since Eve Plumb grew up to be …” Allison paused slightly as she noticed me standing in the back of the room. ” … um … she grew up to be very attractive.” She finished looking directly at me. I could feel the heat from the haze of blue cast in my direction. Quickly she turned away appearing to be at a loss. “Anyway … I … um … I’m sorry.” She apologized and shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment as she ran her hand threw her dark hair. Her eyes opened and she was back fully composed. “Friday is the final and I wanted to talk about that. I am sorry that the summer session ran late this year. But the construction on campus has thrown everything off track.” She paused once again and closed her eyes briefly. “For the final there will be eighty questions. No true or false and no multiple choice. There will also be two essay questions.” There was a collective groan emitted from her students.

Allison smiled at their response. “I also want you to be prepared that there will be no questions regarding television.” Her students were visibly shocked. I had to agree with them. I never heard them discussing anything but television. The first time I watched her all they discussed was the original Star Trek series. Allison just stood there and smiled that all knowing smile of hers as she worked that single eyebrow up into it’s familiar arch. “Ladies, Gentleman and others.” The students laughed once again but this time their discomfort was evident. “Now before you jump out of your seats and attack … allow me to enlighten you. When you signed up for this course, you enrolled in a course offered by the history department. I know that it is easy to forget that when you are talking about I Love Lucy. But all of this time you were really talking about American history. Therefore I am basing the final exam on our discussions. I paid very close attention to those discussions and I am banking on that you did too. Some of you may have continued those discussions after leaving this classroom.”

I watched as many students nodded their heads in agreement. “How do we review for the final?” One panicked young man squeaked.

“Relax.” Allison reassured her students. “Just think about what we have talked about. We covered a great deal of history this summer. Don’t forget that the focus was on a thirty-year span. The three decades we talked about were the 50’s, the 60’s and the 70’s. Remember the name of this course American History A Culture in Conflict 1950 to 1980? Don’t freak out! Every time I teach this course everyone ends up in a panic over the final. Trust me on this I am certain that you all will do just fine.” No one seemed to relax even with Allison’s reassurances. “Now I also wanted to remind all of you that I will be teaching extra classes this fall. Because I may not be here for the spring semester.”

My heart sank at the thought of Allison leaving. “You are leaving?” One student said, voicing my own fears. “No.” Allison responded calmly. I felt as if I could breath again. “But more than likely I will be teaching a seminar at Stanford. I will return before the end of the semester. It is a possibility that I will teach a short seminar here when I return. Nothing is definite.” The offer from Stanford that she and Maureen had been discussing earlier. I know that she needed to do this but still I did not want her to go. What if Stanford offers her a position?

“Professor Kendell?” One older student called out. “Is there any chance that you will be teaching the course on the history of the tobacco industry?”

“No.” Allison replied firmly. “That course is being taught by Dr. Steiner. But she will be using my book Signs along Tobacco Road and I have agreed to come in for a discussion.”

“But you won’t be discussing any of the inside info?” The student pried.

“I can’t.” Allison answered coldly.

I wondered what that was all about as the students asked a few more questions regarding the up coming semester. “Speaking of up coming courses.” Allison’s deep voice broke my train of thought. “I suppose some of you have been wondering about our mystery guest for the past few weeks.” She direction their attention to me. “She is with the FBI and you are all in trouble for what you said about J. Edgar Hoover.” Allison teased. “Seriously this is Dr. Stephanie Grant and she is new to the history department here at Haven. Dr. Grant will be teaching several courses on the American Civil War and one on the history of the Free Masons. So you might want to check her out.” Many of the students chuckled at Allison’s blunder as she blushed. “I meant to say check out her classes you animals. Now get out of here and do not I repeat do not freak out over the final. I will see you all on Friday.”

The students departed with unusual speed. I sensed that they were not heeding Allison’s warning not to freak out over the final. “Thank you for the endorsement.” I said as I approached her.

“Anytime.” Allison replied quietly as she began to fill her briefcase without a single glance in my direction. She was so sullen. It was not like her. After a class she was usually very up. Still not looking at me she sunk into the chair at her desk. It was the first time I had seen her use her chair. Normally she stood or sat on the desk. She seemed so tense as she began to rub her eyes. Without thinking I stepped behind her and began to rub her shoulders. “Don’t.” She warned me bitterly.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly removing my hands. Once again my body reacted before my brain had an opportunity to stop me. It had just seemed so natural to reach out to her. Just as natural as it was to climb into her arms this morning. Had I been thinking clearly I would have realized that I was the source for her tension.

“I have things to do.” She muttered coldly. “I will see you at the Dean’s Tea.”

“Fine.” I snapped as I spun on my heels and stormed out.

CHAPTER FOUR

The Dean’s Tea was incredibly dull. It was divided into two groups of people. Those who were fighting for Dean Tanner’s attention and those who were trying to avoid him. However it did allow me an opportunity to meet some of my new associates. Everyone seemed to be very nice. There was a feeling of family among my fellow staff members. I knew that I was going to love working at Haven. All I needed to do was to get Allison Kendell out of my system once and for all. That seemed to be getting easier by the moment. I spent the majority of the afternoon searching the crowd for the familiar tall dark figure that had turned my world spinning. Allison was nowhere to be seen. It was not likely that I simply could not find her. Even with the large crowd, the six-foot raven-haired beauty was a commanding presence.

I could not blame her. After all I was the one who kept crossing the line. Maureen approached me and touched me gently on the shoulder. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” She said quietly so she would not be over heard by prying ears. I simply nodded my consent and we made our way down the path into the garden located behind the Dean’s home. Once we were alone Maureen finally spoke. “Stephanie I am worried about Allison.” The worry was written plainly on the usually jovial woman’s face.

“Why?” I questioned uncertain as to what I should and should not say regarding Allison’s notable absence.

“She has been tense and flashing attitude all day.” Maureen explained with concern. “I know Allison has a smart mouth. Hell it is part of her charm. But it is not like her to be such a bitch. This morning she almost took poor Grace’s head off.” Grace was the secretary that Allison and I shared with two other instructors. The elderly woman was always cheerful and there was nothing she could not accomplish. I honestly believe that she could locate Jimmy Hoffa’s remains if requested to do so.

“Maybe she is just hung over from last night.” I lied hoping to offer some explanation that would ease some of Maureen’s worries.

“I hope that you are right.” Maureen sighed in exasperation. “She was never a big drinker. But still she really needs to be here and she knows it. I know that this tea is nothing more than an ass kissing contest but Allison is in a vulnerable position right now.”

I thought back to the heated conversation I overheard this morning between the two women. “Are her chances of making tenure in trouble?” I asked worried that I had somehow let my new friend down.

“Yes.” Maureen confessed. “It’s not fair she is twice the teacher of anyone in the department, myself included. But she has not published anything in almost two years. And the works that she has published in the past are not literary gems.” I felt a stab of guilt as Maureen’s words hit me.

“Publishing means that much here?” I sneered in disgust. I will never understand the politics of higher learning. Allison was truly gifted when it came to teaching. That didn’t seem to be important. What was important is that she pad her credentials so the University could parade them around.

“It means the same here as any other University.” Maureen explained. “You do not have any worries. With everything that you have already published and your more than impressive background the Dean thinks I scored a major coup by getting you to sign on. Even though Haven is just probably a stepping stone for you.”

“How did you know?” I asked in horror.

“Don’t be so shocked.” Maureen answered with a knowing smile. “I know Haven has a stellar reputation. But we are not Ivy League. Many instructors come here just to pad their credentials. Myself included. When I first came here I simply wanted to put in my time build my reputation and then move on to bigger and better. Before I knew it this became home to me. When I got married I could not think of a better place to raise my children. Plus being offered the department chair was a big incentive as well.”

We stood there in an awkward silence knowing that Maureen needed to say more but she seemed reluctant. Finally she asked the one question I been dreading. “Stephanie what happened between you and Allison?”

“What do you mean?” I choked. How am I going to get out of this one?

“What I mean is that last night the two of you were like two peas in a pod. Then today she seems to be avoiding you. Hell she dumped you with Stan.” Maureen explained in a bewilder tone. “I meant it when I said that I wanted the two of you to get along. It’s not because she is gay is it?”

“No.” I laughed at the irony of her statement. “It is most definitely not her homosexuality.” “It’s mine.” I added silently.

“Then what is it?” Maureen pushed harder.

“Nothing.” I lied once again.

“Stephanie, I consider Allison to be a good friend of mine.” Maureen was determined. “Right now something is very wrong with her and I am getting the same feeling that I get with my kids on report card day. I know you know what is going on so stop hiding it and just spill it.”

I was suddenly relieved that I was not one of Maureen’s children. She wasn’t going to except anything but the truth. So I might as well get it over with and face the music. “Maureen … you do not have to worry about Allison and I getting along.” I swallowed hard terrified that I was about to make a huge mistake. “That is the problem.” Maureen just stared at me blankly waiting for the rest. I had no options but to continue. “Last night we got along a little too well.” I blew out a breath and waited for everything to hit the fan.

“Well that explains it.” She responded calmly.

“I wish someone would explain it to me.” I whined in despair. “Wait. You do not seem to be surprised? Maureen before Allison mentioned my boyfriend did you think I was gay?”

“Yes.” Maureen answered reluctantly.

“Why?” I shouted in amazement. “How could she have seen something that I spent a lifetime hiding from myself?”

“I don’t know.” Maureen answered shyly. “My brother is gay and in college I played a lot of sports and as a result I have many lesbian friends. Over the years I think I developed my own sense of gaydar.”

“Did Allison think I was gay?”

“Well … um … yeah.” Maureen admitted. “We talked about it.”

“You what?” I gasped in shock. “I cannot believe the two of you sat around and discussed my sexuality!”

“Hold on.” Maureen raised her hands in defense. “It’s not what you think. After the two of you met I simply asked her if she thought that you were her religion. She said yes and that was it. Of course I was secretly hoping that the two of you might hook up. She has been single for far too long and I thought that you would be good for her. But she has this thing about dating colleagues.”

“Really? Why is that?” I questioned suddenly intrigued about this new revelation.

Maureen was about to answer my question when I heard very familiar footsteps approaching. I knew it was she before I heard her sultry voice. “Because Chris and I worked together and whenever we had problems the entire firm knew about it. Sometimes before I did.” Allison explained in a flat tone.

“Allison!” I gasped suddenly feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of an approaching vehicle.

“Relax.” She smiled. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I would have told Maureen myself.”

“Where have you been?” Maureen questioned her sternly.

“I have been making nice with the Dean.” Allison explained.

“Really?” Maureen questioned her suspiciously.

“Yes really.” Allison defended herself. “I know I was late so as soon as I arrived I spent all of my time sucking up to the old coot. I may be in a pissy mood but I’m not an idiot.”

“So is everything all right between the two of you or am I going to have to separate you?” Maureen folded her arms across her chest eyeing the both of us.

“Everything is fine.” Allison answered quickly for the both of us. “And just for the record nothing happened last night.” “Maybe not for you.” I thought to myself.

The three of us strolled back to the party, which appeared to be breaking up. Maureen and Allison talked by themselves for a moment. Maureen waved goodbye to me and made her departure. Allison turned to me a tense smile crossed her face as she approached me. She bit her lip as she stared at me intently. She sighed a heavy breath and smiled a more relaxed smile. “Come on. We need to find you some furniture.” She said in a soothing voice.

“You still want to do this with me?” I asked carefully.

` “To be completely honest I considered just loaning you my car.” She confessed. “But then after I had a chance to think things over I realized that I have been behaving very badly today. I was put off by what I heard you say to your boyfriend. I shouldn’t have been. It is none of my business … it was that this morning … I … well that is not important. I also realized that I need to stop over reacting to every innocent gesture. It’s just that after last night I felt confused. Instead of realizing that you and I were comfortable with touching one another in a friendly manner before all of this happened … I over reacted.” She seemed relieved at having explained things to me finally.

“I do not think you over reacted.” I said sincerely. “Well maybe just a little. But I did not help matters any. Look I’m the one who started all of this.” I put my hand up stopping her from interrupting me. “Enough. I’m sorry and you are sorry. Let’s try to do what we promised each other this morning. I want our friendship back and so do you. I don’t know about you but I am getting a headache from all of this drama. A drunken make out session isn’t worth all of this stress.”

She smiled sweetly at my declaration. We began to walk away when I touched her arm. I was pleased that she didn’t flinch are make any attempt to refuse my offer. “Allison in regards to your behavior, you need to remember that I have seen act much worse than this.” I teased her.

“That is right.” She laughed. “I keep forgetting that you got to see me as the lawyer bitch. Tell me something back then I didn’t make you cry did I?”

“As a matter of fact you did.” I admitted. “But I did manage to hold off until I was safely away from you. How did you know?”

“Back then I made everyone cry. Even my own Mother.” Allison admitted with a dejected shrug.

We drove into town to the futon shop and I looked around. I had to budget everything very carefully since I would not receive my first paycheck until the end of the month. A polite young salesman showed us around. I could tell by Allison’s demeanor that shopping was not one of her favorite things to do. I on the other hand loved to explore and take my time. I curbed my usual prowling and selected a simple full sized model. The salesman looked at me oddly and suggested that perhaps a queen size or perhaps a king size would be more suitable. I explained that a full size was more than suitable for myself. Politely pointing out my height or lack there of.

It was when he cast a shy glance over to Allison that it dawned on me that he thought that we were a couple. I held back a laugh thinking that if his assumption were correct than yes, we would definitely require a much larger mattress. I was about to correct his error when Allison whispered to me. “How tall is Peter?”

“A little taller than you. Why?” I whispered my reply not wanting to embarrass the poor sales boy any further.

“Then I think this guy is right.” Allison explained. “With your build the full is all right for just you, but what about when … you know?”

“You are right. I didn’t even think about that.” I confessed.

“Why would you? When you are my height you think of these things.” Allison teased me as she patted the top of my head to stress her point.

I informed the salesman that a king size would be more appropriate and was relieved when he confirmed that the model I had selected was available in that size. The model I had chosen was a simple wood frame that could be pulled down easily. This way I would not have to go to great lengths each morning and evening. With one tug the futon snapped down into a bed and with a simple push it instantly converted back into a couch.

While the futon and its mattress were being loaded into Allison car the salesman suggested that we look around at some of the covers they had available. As we sorted threw the various designs I leaned over and whispered to Allison, “You know the salesman thinks we are a couple.”

“I know.” She giggled. “Does that bother you?” She asked quickly.

“No.” I answered honestly.

“How about this one.” She said holding up an ivory colored cover with a simple floral design.

“Perfect.” I smiled. “What size is it?”

“Full.” She frowned and we both began searching for the correct size. In our search our hands touched and I felt a spark race through my body. Neither of us moved as our eyes met and our breathing became labored. It was the briefest of moments but the intensity of the innocent touch was almost over powering. Allison slowly pulled her hand away and crossed her arms in front of her. I paused for a moment to catch my breath and then proceeded to resume my search. Finding the correct size I walked over to the counter and paid for my purchases.

After we departed the futon shop we proceeded to browse through every shop Main Street had to offer. Everywhere we stopped people greeted Allison. As she introduced me I realized that Haven was a very small town, populated mostly by students and members of the faculty from the University. I could tell by the expressions on most people’s faces that they were already assuming that Allison and I was a couple. It bothered me that people just assumed that because Allison was a lesbian that meant since we were out shopping together that we must be lovers. It wasn’t the assumption that I was lucky enough to have this woman as my lover. But it was the narrowed minded assumption that a gay woman could not be just friends with another woman.

Allison of course true to her nature took every opportunity to make it perfectly clear to everyone that she was just showing her new friend around town. It was more than apparent to me that Allison had been down this road before. “I need a break.” Allison whined. “Let’s go in here my feet are killing me.” Needing relief from all of the walking we had down I saw no reason to argue with her suggestion. I waved packages towards the doorway and we entered the little ice cream parlor. Like everything else in town it was a throw back to another era. With it’s art deco lighting and furnishings it took my breath away. I groaned when I noticed that it was also packed with people.

“This is the only place in town to get ice cream.” Allison explained noticing my dismay. “Fortunately it is great. Look I think there is a booth opening up.” We moved quickly and grabbed the booth as soon as the two young gentlemen who had been occupying it stood.

“Good work.” I complimented her.

“I had no intention of standing outside.” Allison griped as she discreetly slipped off her high heels. “It’s not usually this busy during the week but with classes starting tomorrow everyone is out running last minute errands.”

“How can there be only ice cream place in town?” I asked in amazement recalling how small I had always viewed New Haven to be.

“Haven is a small town.” Allison stated simply. “There is only one ice cream pallor, one Chinese restaurant, one bakery, one drug store, etc. Every couple of years or so some big chain tries to move in. They never survive. Sometimes I think that this town is stuck in some kind of Normal Rockwell painting. After all of those years with the hustle and coldness of living in New York City I have really come to love the quiet of this little town. And if I get bored with the crickets chirping I can always head down Rte. 128 and go into Boston. And of course this time of year a trip to Salem is always a lot of fun.”

“The Witch City?” I could barely contain my excitement. “How far away is Salem? I am really looking forward to spending sometime there. The history is fascinating.”

“Salem is only about fifteen minutes away by car. I could take you there some weekend. I know which tourist traps to avoid.” Allison offered.

“I would love it.” I responded gleefully.

“Unless of course you wanted to go with Peter.” Allison added sullenly.

“Peter.” I sighed. “Here we go again.”

“Stephanie don’t.” Allison cautioned as she rubbed her eyes. For the first time I could see how withdrawn she looked. The dark circles under her eyes caused my heart to drop. “I mean it Stephanie.” Allison said firmly as she looked deep into my eyes for the first time since last evening. They were bloodshot. Has she been crying? What have I done? “Look I owe you an explanation. Well not an explanation really just that I should make a few things clear about myself. We have a few moments before our waiter will get a chance to make his way over here. Why don’t I try to fill you in.”?

I nodded in agreement anxious to have some insight into this woman who had captivated me. “You know about Chris.” Allison began slowly. “Well as I said this afternoon we worked together. What hurt me the most was when I realized that most of the people I worked with must have known that she was running around on me? To know that my colleagues just turned a blind eye to it and probably gossiped about it behind my back really hurt my feelings.”

“I can understand that.”

“What you don’t understand and what Maureen does not know is that in the end I probably hurt her more than she ever hurt me.”

“That I don’t understand.” Now I was really confused. Chris cheated on her betrayed her trust and left her open for gossip in her workplace. How could anyone hurt someone more than that?

“After we split Chris wanted a second chance.” Allison explained. “When I flatly refused she began to drag out our break up. We had lived together and there were details that needed to be taken care of. Chris was in no hurry to close our relationship. I don’t know maybe she thought given enough time she could win me back. At that point I just wanted out. Finally one night in a moment of anger I admitted to her that I was never really in love with her. That our getting together had more to do with timing than with passion. I know this is going to sound cold but she simply fit into my life plan.”

A wave of guilt rushed over me as I realized the cruelty of the situation. A cruelty that I was also guilty of with Peter. Did I truly love him or did he just fit into some ideal that I had been creating? “It was at that moment that our amicable break up turned very ugly.” Allison went on.

“So that is how Chris got the BMW.”

“And I got out.” Allison admitted with a deep sigh. “I know that Chris gets a bad rap from Maureen. But you have to understand that I was never really there for her. On the other hand she is not a monogamous person by nature. The worse part of all of this is that Chris and I had been really good friends before we were lovers. It has taken a long time but we are friends again. But we will never be as close as we once were. Of course it doesn’t help that every once and awhile she tries to hand me that baby won’t you please come back crap.”

“Would you ever go back to her?” I asked with hesitation.

“No.” Allison answered firmly. “It would be easy to do. Life with Chris would be comfortable. But she has the fidelity level of a Kennedy. It is not even that honestly, the bottom line is that I am not in love with her. When I walked out on her I knew that I wanted more from life than to settle.”

Thankfully our waiter chose that moment to arrive before I could further berate myself for the way I had been directing my life. “Would you like luncheon or dessert menus Professor Kendell?” He asked sweetly.

“Neither Vince.” Allison instructed. “I will have the Aloha Sundae.”

“Great.” He beamed. “And what would you like Ma’am?” He asked innocently as Allison choked as I mouthed the word ‘ma’am’.

“What would you recommend Professor?” I teased her.

“For you Dr. Grant I would have to say, you look like the kind of girl who would love the Sinful Chocolate Boat.” Allison blushed slightly as she made her recommendation.

“You are Dr. Grant?” Vince beamed at me. “I will be taking your course on the History of the Free Masons.”

“Good for you Vince!” Allison congratulated him. “Vince is pre-law but what he really wants to do is become the next Jack Kennedy.”

“An honest Jack Kennedy.” Vince cut in. “No myths of Camelot. Just honest leadership.”

“How was you summer in New York other than hot?” Allison asked the proud young man.

“Great! Thank you again. I really learned a great deal from Ms. Beaumont.” Vince gushed. “She asked about you a lot. She told me that if it wasn’t for you recommendation she would have never considered me. She runs the type of law practice that I would like to work for.”

“Good to hear Vince. Now go get our ice cream after all of the walking we did today we deserve it.” Allison shooed the youngster away.

“Yes Ma’am.” He responded brightly as he rushed off.

“You know Allison if that boy really wants to make it politics, he needs to stop calling every woman over twenty five Ma’am.” Allison laughed at my observation. Then she seemed to drift off somewhere. I watched her run her long fingers threw her raven hair. I could sense that there was something more she needed to tell me. For some reason she was uncertain. “So how old are you?” I said suddenly breaking the uneasy silence.

“Excuse me!” Allison gasped as she feigned false indignation. I simply arched my eyebrows in response. “Oh all right. I will be thirty six next November.”

“A Scorpio?” I purred. “I am purring! Am I flirting with her?”

“Watch it.” Allison warned. “I for one do not believe in all of that stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“You know the bad reputation that all Scorpio’s have. That we are mysterious and secretive and …” Allison started to laugh. “Okay so maybe some of it is true. And just how old are you Dr. Grant?”

“Thirty two.” I admitted freely. I never understood why women felt a need to lie about their ages. Perhaps my self-assurance stemmed from the fact that at times I could pass for a teenager. “You know the first time we met I would not have guessed that we were so close in age.”

“Well back then I was lawyer Barbie.” Allison explained with touch of sadness. “I worked very hard to fit that image. And I did. Except for the gay part.”

“Did you ever try to hide it at work?”

“Never.” Allison said firmly. “Chris and I started at Wainwright and Griggs at the same time and she was all hung up on people not knowing. But that was the one thing that I refused to compromise on. Granted I didn’t rent a billboard in Times Square. But I never lied about my homosexuality. When I left I was on my way to becoming a named partner. But I never kidded myself. Deep down I knew that it was my name more than my talent. Maybe that is why I wasn’t afraid of being out in a very conservative law firm.”

“It was nice of you to help Vince out.” I said trying to keep the conversation going. I knew that there was something she was not telling me. It amazed me that after such a short period of time I felt as if I really knew this woman.

“He is a good kid.” Allison replied simply. “I just wanted to see him start off on the right track. Jessica’s firm is a good place to start. She does a lot of probono and women’s rights cases not to mention her constant battles with the slumlords in New York. Firms like hers will help him keep focused.” She paused for a moment and swallowed hard. This was it! I knew that she was finally ready to tell me what was troubling her. “Stephanie, there is something else I need to explain to you … about why I was …”

“Allison!” A voice called out to her. I turned to see the older woman from this morning’s staff meeting approaching us. “This town is just way too small!”

“Hello Ruth.” Allison greeted the woman warmly. I on the other hand just sat there quietly thinking, “Go away! Go away! Go away!”

“Can you tell it is the start of the semester?” Ruth laughed as she looked around at all of the people crammed into the small ice cream pallor. “Hello we haven’t had a chance to meet I am Ruth Steiner.” She said as offered her hand to me.

“Stephanie Grant.” I answered accepting her hand. “Now go away!”

“Ruth’s specialty is the effects and defects of the American Constitution.” Allison explained to me before turning her attention back to Ruth. “How is Emily?” Allison asked. “Please don’t let Emily be her daughter!”

“She is good. Right now she is at a conference in San Diego.” Ruth sighed sadly. I on the other hand smiled. “Yes she has a girlfriend!” Ruth went on about missing her girlfriend who was due home in a few hours. I had lost interest. I just wanted this woman to leave so Allison and I could finish our conversation.

Thankfully Vince arrived with our ice cream. Allison’s sundae was a mountain of whipped cream and pineapple. My fudge boat was just that a very large boat of chocolate. I would never be able to finish it. As I sampled my first bite I moaned in pleasure. “Perhaps chocolate could be the key to help me survive celibacy?”

“Oh My!” Ruth exclaimed as she eyed our gluttonous portions.

“No need to worry I will work it off tomorrow.” Allison explained. “Are we still on for tennis?”

“If you are sure that you are up for it Allison?” Ruth questioned her with concern.

“What do you mean?” Allison snarled.

“Well Allison you look …” Ruth hesitated. ” … forgive me for saying, but you look like hell.”

“Thank you.” Allison snorted. “I’m fine. I just had a late night.”

Ruth flashed a knowing smile in my direction and before Allison could correct her she quickly said her goodbyes and was on her way. Alone once again silence overcame us. So we focused on our desserts. To my surprise we both finished the mounds of ice cream. I was beyond full. “I may never eat again.” I groaned as I rubbed my stomach. “You want a cigarette don’t you?”

“No.” Allison lied as she shook her head yes.

“We probably have some time before Vince makes it back over here with the check.” I pushed. “Why don’t you finish telling what you were going to say.”

“I don’t know.” Allison stalled.

“Allison.” I pushed again.

“Okay.” She finally agreed. “Well … like I told you before Chris and I were together we were friends for many years. Before Chris and I were involved I was with someone else.”

I braced myself fearful about what she might reveal. What if she had slept with dozens of women? How could I compete with that? Of course according to everything we had agreed upon I was not in the running for Allison’s affections. Or was I?

Allison paused for a moment and collected her thoughts. Finally she cleared her throat and began her story. It was obvious that this was a very painful subject for her to recall. “When I first moved to New York … I met this woman at a local bar. Jessica Beaumont. Jessica was older and really fascinating and the kind of lawyer that I should have been. But after eight months I discovered that she had one major character flaw.”

“Which was?” I pushed once again not certain that I really wanted to hear about this woman.

“Jessica had a memory problem.” Allison sneered. “It seems that she kept forgetting that she had a husband. I was furious when I found out. When I confronted her she made it painfully clear that it was true. She had no intention of leaving him for me because she was not a lesbian. I was just someone that she cared about. This woman managed to convince herself that she was straight. Even though I had found out that I had been one of many women in her life. Jessica is so far in the closet that she would never admit to anything. Funny here she was telling me that she was straight. But she kept an apartment in the city that her hubby did not know about so she could entertain her girlfriends. And she cruised women’s bars constantly. I was amazed at how carefully she had built a barrier around her closet door. I was also very hurt. I loved her and I thought that she loved me. When I realized that she was just using me I was devastated. I was her dirty little secret.”

“Wow.” I gasped shocked at how this woman’s mind worked. I knew that I had been kidding myself about my feelings. But next to Jessica Beaumont I was a rank amateur. “So when I showed up and came on to you. A co-worker with a boyfriend you must have wanted to douse me in holy water.”

“Trust me that is not what I wanted to do with you.” Allison teased. “Stephanie this is not about you. Last night just brought back a barrage of memories. Ones that I thought I had dealt with. And I have … . but it hurts. None of this is your fault. But I have been down this road twice already and I have no intention of treating myself like that again. Been there done that! I like my life. I love my job. Yes, I would like to meet someone but I will not lose my self respect again.”

“What if …” I started to argue.

“Don’t!” She stopped me, holding up a protesting hand. “I have already ruined one friendship and gone through a great deal of turmoil. You and I are becoming friends. You also have a boyfriend, who is probably a great guy. Whatever questions or curiosity you are fighting with … I cannot help you. I was being truthful when I told you that I do not want to confuse you any further. Plus I will let you in on a little secret. Most lesbians do not want to be another woman’s first. Out of fear that it is just experimentation or just lust not love. Maybe I am being a coward. I do not know but for now I feel that I need to be honest with you.”

“I appreciate you honesty.” I lied. I really did not appreciate the obvious line in the sand that she had so clearly drawn. How dare she decide what is best for me! I knew in my heart that I did not want just Allison’s body. I wanted her, mind, body and soul. Because Chris slept around and Jessica was a big old nut job Allison Kendell would not touch me with a ten-foot pole.

“Now as your friend I think that I should take you to the grocery store.” Allison offered suddenly avoiding eye contact. “Since we both know you cannot rely upon my cooking.”

“You know where the grocery store is?” I teased her.

“I think so.” She laughed.

After a brief discussion Allison allowed me to pay the check. I wanted to thank her for all of her help. We strolled down to the local market. As we shopped we shared a cart-it made sense. I could not help but notice the looks we were receiving. As we strolled up and down the aisles we went over a list of what I needed. I felt comfortable with her as we argued over what to buy. I tried to convince Allison that fresh fruits and vegetables were a good idea. She in turn extolled the virtues of Pop Tarts and coffee. When I mentioned that I would need a table for my computer, she questioned me as to where I would put it?

“I should be able to squeeze something in.” I protested knowing that she was right.

“I have a suggestion.” She offered. “My apartment is actually two. I took over the upper floor when the old tenants moved out. I pay more but I needed the space for all of my books and stuff. I have a spare room upstairs that I never use. You could use it as a study. I mean if you would like to?”

“Are you sure?” I questioned her as I wondered, ” Just how does someone take over a second apartment and convert it? Most people would just move to a bigger place. Yet another mystery.”

“It is just sitting there. I never use the space except for storage. The good news is that there is already a desk in there. The former tenants left it.”

“Why?”

“It will not fit through the doorway. Believe me I have tried.” Allison replied. “I think it has been up there for years and somewhere along the line someone changed the doorway. Probably when the house was converted into apartments. Someone just forgot to remove the desk.”

After I reluctantly agreed to accept the use of Allison’s spare room she decided to fill me in on our neighbors. Mine was the only apartment on the first floor since the entry way was so large. Which was typical of the architecture of the time. Behind her apartment on the second floor was Hal. He was a physics professor at Haven and a transvestite, so I should not be surprised to see a man wearing a dress wandering the hallway. Above Hal was Althea she was a cop on the local police force and I may never meet her since she worked very odd hours. After she filled me in on the neighborhood gossip we paid for our purchases and drove home.

Allison helped me unload my groceries and I kept mulling over her offer. I really needed the space and I would love an excuse to get closer to her. I just didn’t want to push any harder than I already have. Lord knows I have not been the picture of diplomacy the last twenty-four hours. “Allison, are you certain that it won’t be an inconvenience my using that room?” I finally asked. ” I do not want to invade your privacy.”

“Please.” She scoffed at me. “I lead a nun’s life. It would be nice to have some company.”

“Why don’t you use the desk or the extra room?” I asked.

“The room is not very big and I have been using the same writing table since I was a teenager.” She explained as she looked for a place to put all of the can goods I purchased. “Then again we may need that space for all the food you bought.” She teased. “Stephanie I would not have offered it if I didn’t want you there. It is just going to waste.”

“So tell me what is so special about the writing table that you use?” I questioned her as I relieved her of the cans of soup she was holding.

“It was my Great Grandmothers.” She answered proudly. “Actually she was my Great Great Grandmother. The extra great just sounds a little silly.”

“Haley Ballister?” I gaped in wonderment. “She does all of her work on Haley Ballister’s desk!” The historian in me was drooling at the thought.

“Yes it was hers.” Allison confirmed. “You know that ninety out of one hundred Civil War historians have no idea who Stephan Ballister was?”

“It’s an interesting story.” I retorted. “A gentleman from the upper levels of New Orleans high society chooses to enlist in a company full of immigrants and drunkards. Why?”

“And your theory is?” She asked as she folded the paper shopping bags neatly.

“He was not your Great Great Grandfather.” I answered simply. “Excuse the extra great and any implications against your family name.”

“Please.” Allison scoffed. “You don’t even want to know how the Kendell’s made their money. As for the Ballisters they were plantation owners in the Deep South. I do not have to explain to you what that means. They made their name off of the backs of people they enslaved. Not a very proud history if you ask me.”

“Is that why the family won’t show the diaries?” I began to wonder if I was on the right track with my theory.

“No.” Allison answered with a smile. “Haley wasn’t like the others. Truth be told we have shown the diaries. But no one wanted to tell the true story.”

“You are kidding?” I was amazed. “What was in those diaries? Maybe nothing at all? Then why not just say that?”

“No.” Allison sighed deeply. “I have always wanted to. You know that Maureen is pushing me to publish.”

“I heard.” I answered quietly trying not to get my hopes up.

“Oh?” Allison smiled with a cocky grin. “My previous books were well … let’s just say they had a lot of pictures in them. Your books on the other hand are brilliant. Is there any chance that you would consider co-writing Haley’s story with me?”

I wanted to leap into her arms and not just because she had just offered me the opportunity of a lifetime. I really need to find some way of controlling my emotions. “Are you certain?” I asked carefully. “After last night do you think that you can trust me?”

“Last night was last night.” Her deep voice answered soothingly. “You are a brilliant writer and a dedicated scholar. Just because you found me attractive while under the influence of tequila is no reason not to trust you. After some ups and downs we did manage to get through today. I’m thinking that it was just the tequila talking.”

“And if it wasn’t?” I asked seriously.

“Peter.” She responded flatly.

“Do you find it strange that you mention his name more than I do?” I said quietly. “I am starting to realize that I might be doing to him what you did to Chris.”

“You make your own choices.” Allison stated sadly. “I would like to make one suggestion. Perhaps the next time you kiss a woman you might want to try it sober. It just might be harder to find an excuse.” There was something cruel in her voice that made me shiver. Jessica Beaumont’s wound may have healed; but she definitely left a scar. I was never going to be anything more than a friend to this woman. And a part of me hated her for forcing me out of her heart. A larger part of me wanted to hunt down Jessica Beaumont rip out her heart and scatter it to the four winds. I was forced to abandon my thoughts of revenge when Allison suggested that we bring the futon in and get it set up.

After we unloaded the car and set up the futon we then proceeded to move my computer into the small upstairs office. Allison even offered to have a second line installed so I would have my own Internet access. When I protested about running up her phone bill she explained that she used a cable service instead. She showed me on her own computer, it was amazing just one click and there you were. Even at the University we still had to dial up and deal with the constant disconnections and busy signals. I accepted Allison’s offer when she agreed to allow my to pay for the instillation and the small additional monthly fee.

After we finished with the computer and setting up the last of my things in the tiny apartment, we decided to relax. We sat out on the balcony of Allison’s apartment and looked at the stars. Allison opened a bottle of white zinfandel. She gave me a glass after I pledged scout’s honor not to let it go to my head. I knew that she was teasing. But I was also aware that there was just a hint of truth in her joking. A part of me was hurt and a part of me was offended. How could I be feeling so many conflicting emotions at once. As I stared at the stars I wondered had I really been living my life of just simply walking through it?

Allison excused herself for a moment and upon her return she handed me a leather bound journal. I ran my hands over it as if it were the Holy Grail. “I have read all of them. If you want to do this then you have some catching up to do.” Allison said with a smile. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of her standing there in the moonlight. “This is the first one it covers the war years.” Allison went on to explain apparently unaware of my staring.

“I cannot believe that I am holding this.” I gushed.

“I’m going to bed.” Allison answered with a yawn. “Stay if you like. I often come out here to read when the weather is good. There is something about the stars and the faint smell of the ocean. I find it peaceful.”

I thanked her as she went off to bed. I decided to stay and read. For the first time in my life I was not looking forward to sleeping alone. Normally I hated it when Peter and I slept together. I did not treasure the intimacy the way he did. Tonight I wanted nothing more. I wanted to lay beside Allison as we had this morning all warm and close snuggled up in the feather bead safe in her arms. I promised myself I would read for a short while than go downstairs to my apartment and sleep on my new futon. I sipped my wine and opened Haley Ballister’s journal. My heart skipped a beat as the musty scent from the pages surrounded me. I had dreamed of this moment for years. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to discover.

CHAPTER FIVE

June 10, 1862

It feels good to finally have the time to put my thoughts on paper. My old journals are forever lost since my banishment over two years ago. I am a Yankee trapped in a world that I simply do not understand. I will never return home. Home? I must learn to accept that I no longer have a home. I was a happy child living with Ma and Pa on our farm not far from Lowell. I will never utter the name of that hateful place again. The good God fearing church folk sent me away and told me that I could never return. My family made no valiant effort to save me from the disgrace. For I have shamed them in the eyes of the Lord. Now I live in another small town somewhere in Virginia. The town is called Haverstone. I am not entirely certain as to where in Virginia it is located. Haverstone is simply where I stopped. I had been traveling for so long. I walked into Haverstone as I had walked into so many towns. One looking like all of the others I have seen in my travels. I look for work but it was the same as everywhere else. I have no skills or references. I am a young girl traveling alone, which to many means one thing.

With the war there is very little work here for those who live here much less for a strange Yankee girl. I remember thinking that perhaps I should travel back North. There must be some work in New York. But I tried New York once before and the only offers I received were indecent. My first day in town had been a disappointment. When night fell I made my way to the stables. I have found that by going there late in the evening I could sometimes find an empty stall and sleep there. It was risky but I knew that I could not trust the openness of the streets. I cried myself to sleep not for the first time. I was awaken by the sight of a very large man standing over me. Fearful I tried to run but he caught me easily. I struggled to free myself. “It is all right.” He reassured me. I have heard those words from men before. The end was always the same. They would provide me with safety only if I gave myself to them. I am ashamed that I have allowed this transgression to occur.

My fortune changed when this man turned out to be different from the others. He told me of a woman who would take me in for the night and feed me. No questions asked and no payment required. I still did not trust him entirely. But the thought of a bed and food was far too tempting. I could not remember my last meal. He brought me to a grand house just outside of town. He led me around back so I would not be confused with one of the working girls. My stomach lurched as I realized where he had brought me. I assumed that he would receive some kind of payment for his new find. I had heard the women in town cackling about this place. Mrs. Moorehouse’s whorehouse. To my surprise my savoir delivered me and told me to take care and then simply left.

I turn to run out of the door when an gentle lady greeted me. Anna Moorehouse turned out to be the kindest soul I would ever meet. She took me and fed me without asking for anything in return. She only offered me a place to stay and a job as a cook. I failed terribly in the kitchen. Anna patiently tried to teach me. She made it clear that I would not become a working girl. I was no cook and I was no fool I would not live off this woman’s generosity. I needed money and it was I who offered my services to the house. Anna tried to talk me out of it. I explained that it would not be the first time I earned my way in this manner.

I was saw true sadness in the older woman’s face upon hearing these words. Finally she accepted my offer. Anna explained that if I did go to work for her in that manner that I would not be allowed to stay on. She instructed me to earn the money that I needed and then I was to go and start a new life and I was to forget this place. I quickly learned that this was Anna policy. She helped all of her girls get back on their feet and build a savings then gave them a little something extra and helped them relocate and start a new life.

Over the next few months I learned how this fine lady came to be a Madame. She was living in Savannah with her husband and child. Her husband was a doctor and her life was very proper. Until the unthinkable happened. The good doctor abandoned her and her child. Instead of receiving kindness from her neighbors she was shunned. Disgraced in the eyes of proper society. Funny her husband was a cad and yet she and her child paid the price for his misdeeds. She was left with the good doctors debts and no skills. A marked woman much like myself with nowhere to turn. Finally she sent her daughter away when she lost their modest home. Then she was turned out onto the streets and began the only trade available for a woman on her own.

Some years ago Anna’s daughter Sarah died from scarlet fever. Anna was forever grateful that young Sarah never learned of her Mother’s profession. I found myself trusting her so much. Though she never asked I told her my own story. Of how a beautiful young girl who lived from the upper levels of my town’s society, charmed me and took me to her bed. Emily and I found pleasure with one another for almost three years before our secret was revealed. Since Emily was from a good family I must have been the one who had led her down this evil road. She never defended our love or me. She lied saying that I had been the one who seduced her into committing unnatural acts. I begged her to speak the truth and tell them of our love. She turned her back on me and I was driven out of town and told never to return.

The days are slow. Saturday nights is when we really have to work. Haverstone was out of the way so Mrs. Moorehouse’s little hide away just outside of the neighboring towns was ideal for discretion. Many of the men we entertain travel in groups. I soon discovered that many of them were not really interested in coming to a whorehouse but it was what is expected of them. Men are such unusual creatures. Many of them are happy if you just sit and talk to them. They marry women for business reasons and not for love. Now they find themselves alone with no real companionship. This does not mean that they do not want me to touch them. But they so many seem to enjoy the conversation more. Of course it does not matter if they do or do not touch me. The moment they depart my chambers they are boasting to anyone who will listen about their grand exploits. Those who have no desire to converse are at least quick about their business. For this I am grateful. I have no desire to share my bed with them any longer than necessary.

With the war coming closer and closer even our Saturday crowds have dwindled. With spend most of our time waiting for the soldiers. The soldiers are trouble but at least they are quick with their business. Many of the girls have left knowing that they can make more money by following the troops. I prefer to stay. I enjoy Mrs. Moorehouse’s company and I feel safe here. Anna and I spend our days just talking dreaming of the day when she can turn this house into an Inn a real Inn. This of course is just a dream.

I must confess even though I do enjoy Anna’s company I have enjoyed a few evenings with some other the other girls who have chosen to stay on. I do not apologize for my actions. I do not enjoy the company of men. I only wish that I could feel something more than desire or friendship for those ladies with whom I share my favors.

* * *

I put down the journal briefly. So Allison’s Great Great Grandmother was a working girl and a lesbian. That couldn’t be why nobody wanted to tell the story. In this day in age that is hardly scandalous. I could not help but feel sympathy for Haley. She was trapped in a cruel world forced to sell her body just to survive. So how did she meet Stephan Ballister? I took a sip of my wine and continued.

* * *

June 11, 1862

We have received word that some soldiers are coming to call upon us. They are from New Orleans I think. Some of the other girls warn me that they are a rowdy group. They are know for their drunkenness and the company is mostly foreigners. Men are men none are to trusted. Sharla told me to go after the men in the Gray uniforms if I can. They are the officers. I find this puzzling. Don’t all of the rebs wear gray? Sharla explained that in this company they wear a more colorful uniform with stripped pants and straw hats. How unusual. Can you imagine straw hats in battle? The more Sharla and the others tell me the more I become concerned.

These boys from Louisiana have an unsavory reputation. Of course I know from experience that talk can be just that. But still I am worried. I expressed my concerns to Anna while we were unloading the fresh shipment of spirits. Anna quieted my fears. She knew her girls and would select their companions carefully. Admittedly some of the girls do like the wild ones. Anna knew me and she knew people. She could size up a man’s character in the blink of an eye. A skill she claims to have learned after her husband left her high and dry. She has assured me that my companion or companions for the evening would be gentle or fast. Still I am relieved to hear that she has hired on some extra help for the evening. Some local boys who are big and strong.

Before the war Anna had been hiding run away slaves. Some of them have stayed on to work for her fixing up the house and keeping the peace. Anna has strict rules for the patrons for a price you can drink as much as you can handle and keep company with one of her girls. But any man who raises his hand in anger will find himself tossed out into the street wearing nothing but a promise that he would never enter her house again. As unsavory as our trade is Anna tries to maintain some dignity. Not one of us has chosen this path. The rules of proper society has left us no other choice. Someday Anna promises that we will no longer have to sell our bodies. I want to believe her.

Sometimes I find it difficult to understand this woman. Before the war I know she helped runaway slaves. But now she uses her house to gain information to help the Confederacy. When I questioned her about this she simply shook her head and explained that she is a southern lady and that was that.

June 14, 1862

I am still reeling from the events of last evening. The boys from Louisiana arrived and brought with them many surprises. Sharla had been truthful about their strange attire and fondness for the bottle. More than one of the lads found themselves thrown out into the street. Anna pulled me aside to tell me that she had found my beau for the evening. He was a Sergeant and a gentleman from a fine New Orleans family. When I looked at him I was shocked. He was nothing more than a boy. How could someone so young fight much less hold such a high rank? There was something about his slight stature that I found attractive. I have never looked at a man in that manner before.

Anna explained that it was his birthday and some of his companions had paid for his present. His present of course was to be me for the entire evening. I immediately became fearful at the thought of spending an entire evening with someone. Anna quickly calmed me. His comrades had explained to her that they feared that the poor boy was a virgin. He was young and if he was indeed a virgin this would be an easy night for me. I agreed. I remember as Anna escorted me across the room to meet my new beau that I barely caught his name over the noise. He name was Stephan James Ballister. I took the young man by the hand and led him upstairs while his company cheered him on. As they shouted their encouragement I noticed that a smile never crossed his face. Although it was difficult to see since he kept his hat pulled down so that it cast a shadow over his features.

Once we were alone I went to touch him. He refused. I tried to encourage him. Yet he still refused. I remember thinking that this was going to be the easiest money I ever made. I explained to the boy that my services had been paid for and he could have a warm bath that based on his odor he was in much need of. I also offered him my bed to sleep in. He could tell his buddies in the morning that he showed me the time of my life. “Why would I lie?” He asked me in the softest gentlest voice I had ever heard. I quickly informed him that he should lie, since his friends were convinced that he was pure and if he refused me they might think that he did not care for the company of women. I silently feared that this might be the boy’s problem.

He laughed heartily. “So this is why they have chosen such an odd present for me.” He smiled for the first time. I liked his smile. “I do like women and I have known the pleasure of their bodies. I just do not believe that a woman should be forced to sell herself.” He explained. In anger I told him that unlike a man I had no choice. “I know.” He answered me with such sweet sincerity that it almost broke my heart. I thanked him for his kindness. He was a real gentleman and I have not met many in my life. Seeing him standing before me refusing my favors on sheer principle was something new to me. I told him that he should at least enjoy a bath and a good night’s sleep. Suddenly he seemed to become very uneasy. I tried to explain that he could not return downstairs before dawn or his troops would lose respect for him. And he certainly would not be sleeping in my bed smelling the way he did. “You smell like a pig sty.” I teased him as I removed his hat and ran my fingers threw his hair.

There was a sadness in his eyes that captured my heart. I kissed him. He returned my kiss with such passion that I have not felt in a very long time. His kiss also told me that he had been truthful. He has known the touch of a woman before. When our lips parted I was left wanting more. For the first time in my life I wanted a man. This man. I looked into his deep blue eyes and suddenly I knew. I could not believe that I had not seen it before. How had so many others missed it? Stephan was not a man.

God had smiled upon me and sent me this dashing woman who now stood before me. The sight of her set my body on fire. I ran my fingers down her long neck and kissed her again. This time when our lips parted it was she who was breathless. “How could I have not seen it before?” I asked her. Her face changed quickly as the words escaped me. She was afraid. I quieted her fears quickly as I kissed her again. I told her that I would never reveal her secret but I did want her to accept her birthday present.

She protested that she still did not believe that I should have to sell myself. She also informed me that it wasn’t really her birthday it was Stephan’s. I did not care if it was Robert E. Lee’s birthday! I wanted her.

“Think of it as a gift for me then. It has been so long since I have known the pleasure of a woman.” I whispered in her ear.

“Then you are like me?” She whispered back.

“Yes, we are the same.” I answered her.

CHAPTER SIX

Well I certainly didn’t see that coming! I was overcome be weariness and could not read any further. Reluctantly I closed Haley’s journal and retreated downstairs. Curled up on my futon I could almost hear Haley’s words “Yes, we are the same.” I fell asleep with the image of these two women. One in uniform while the other explored the secrets that laid beneath. “Yup this is helping with my confusion!”

I was awaken by the sounds of Allison’s morning concert. Today it was Cher. I groaned as I rolled out of bed. The futon was comfortable but not as comfortable as the feather bed in Allison’s big brass bed. I had to stop this. I was going to get over my feelings for Allison if it killed me. “And it just might!” There I stood and my first thoughts of the day were of Allison. “Yes, we are the same.” Echoed in my head. Granted not the most poetic way to say it but still it was so simple and honest. I had so many questions. I showered and dressed quickly for my first day of classes. As I checked the lines of my skirt I wondered if maybe I should dress more casual. The way that Allison does. Perhaps the students would be more at ease with me and I would be more comfortable.

The aroma of coffee drew me upstairs to Allison’s apartment. As I walked in without knocking I told myself that I needed to stop being so familiar. That like Allison I should put some distance between us. I should have never accepted her offer to use her spare room. I vowed that I would use my new study only when I absolutely had to. As I passed the couch I could see Allison’s tennis bag. She had a game planned with Ruth. Perhaps I should go? Allison emerged from the kitchen dressed in blue jeans and a simple white oxford. She warmed with her smile as she walked over and shut off the music. “Coffee?” She asked me brightly. “I bought some milk yesterday.” She added in sweetly.

I thanked her and accepted the coffee. We went out on to the balcony and sipped our coffee. Allison made some comment about it turning into an Indian summer and how she could never live in the Midwest. I agreed after these few weeks at Haven I knew that I could never live that far from the ocean again. She invited me to come up on Saturday to watch the women’s finals of the US Open. I happily accepted quickly ignoring my earlier vow of distance. I did caution myself not to read too much into her invitation. When I inquired about when her match was with Ruth, she quickly explained that they had already played.

For a brief moment I thought I caught Allison’s sneaking a peak at my legs. Suddenly I was happy I had chosen the simple gray skirt that landed just above my knees. All of that working out finally seemed to be paying off. “Getting court time once the semester starts is a real pain.” Allison explained as she gave me another careful glance. “Yes she is looking all right!” “But it worked out. Ruth was so tired from her girlfriend’s home coming that I was able to trounce her in straight sets. Ruth is a great player you two should play sometime.”

“You really love tennis.” I said simply trying to distract myself. “So tall dark and brooding does find me attractive!” I must admit that I do look good today. I’m so glad that I cut my hair. With the new shorter style I no longer look like I am still in high school.

“I know it is a stereotype.” Allison teased. “If tennis were a religion Wimbledon …”

“Would be it’s cathedral.” I cut in. “I love that ad.”

“What did you think of my Great Great Grandmother’s diary?” Allison questioned me slyly.

“I wish that I could have stayed awake to finish it.” I sighed. “I have so many questions.”

“I bet you do.” Allison added knowingly. “Before I answer your questions and I will not answer all of them. I want to know what it is about my ancestors that interested you in this story?”

“Okay I know I have told you some of this already but here goes. When I first came across Stephan Ballister I began to question his identity.” I began to explain.

“Why?”

“Because he was a proper gentleman from New Orleans who opted to serve in a unit filled with immigrates.” I explained. “No one from his station in life would have done so. And from what I have learned about him prior to the war it was not in his character to do so. Plus he was already enlisted in a unit more appropriate to his station. He was a corporal in a rifle company along with many of his school chums.”

“True. His rank was earned solely by his station in society and no he would never associate with anyone he felt was beneath him.” Allison added.

“So why run off and join Company B?” I went on. “A man in his position would have stayed with his peers. He joined Company B in the middle of the night. I never believed the story that he was eager to join the battle. Everything I read about his life prior to the war indicated that he was not that kind of man. Granted it makes a great story but somehow it does not ring true. Here was a guy who leased his slaves out to farmers in Texas because he knew that the war was coming. He would not take the chance that his slaves would be freed. He also started building business dealings in England and sold equipment and supplies to the North just to make a buck. Which I think he hid in England.”

“All true.” Allison confirmed. “So the great old southern tale is nothing but lies.”

“Yes.” I agreed. “Enraged by the approaching Yankee troops as they made their way down the Mississippi River he runs off to join the fighting immediately. Telling his sister to be brave and that he will return. That is also hard to believe since everything prior to the war indicated that they got along about as well as Newt and Candace.”

“Oh yes his sister.” Allison chuckled. “Eleanor the spinster school teacher, who dies when the Yankees burn down the family plantation.”

“Now she was an abolitionist?” I inquire.

“Yes.” Allison answered. “You certainly have studied this. Eleanor worked for the Underground Railroad prior to the war. I have a feeling that she was not very popular with her family or anyone else in New Orleans.”

“You know what nailed it for me.” I explained. “I came across a letter from a man named James Belmont. He had written to his wife. Now Belmont had known Ballister from New Orleans and he claimed that the man he met at the Battle of Cross Keys was much smaller and younger than Stephan Ballister. He suspected that he was a boy who was too young to enlist, so he simply stole Ballister’s name. He also went on to say that he would not expose the young man since despite his youth he was one hell of a soldier.”

“You are a very clever woman, Stephanie Grant.” Allison complimented me.

“Not that clever.” I confessed. “Never in my wildest dreams did I suspect that Stephan James Ballister was a woman.”

“No.” Allison replied with a smirk. “Stephan James Ballister was a man. Master Sergeant Ballister was a woman.”

“Who was she?” I demanded.

“Keep reading.” She teased.

“Brat.” I growled in frustration.

“Come on where is your sense of adventure. This way you will enjoy the mystery more.” Allison gave me a cocky grin. “You are so very close to the truth.”

“I think I know.” I confessed. “I cannot understand how it happened. It never ceases to amaze me how history can be distorted so easily. Stephan Ballister is remembered as a brave soldier of the Confederacy who ignored his station in life to fight for his home. He will always be remembered as a fallen hero.”

“Not when we get done with him he won’t.” Allison stated bluntly. “Ballister was a piss ant who bought and sold human beings simply because he thought it was his right to do so. You know that we are going to take a great deal of heat from the southern historians.”

“I know.” I sighed. Never have any of my books been a source of controversy. “What the hell if you are going to shake up your life Stephanie you might as well go all the way.” “They have been extolling his virtues for over a century. Then again these are the same historians who have been writing that Anna Moorehouse was a widow who ran a little Inn.”

“And Haley was a simple farm girl who bravely carried on her husband’s memory.” Allison added. “Although by the end of the war the whorehouse was in fact an Inn. But they washed away the fact that it was originally a house of ill repute ant the noble Mrs. Ballister had been a working girl.”

“Speaking of which …” I began with hesitation. “… are you certain that you want to expose your Great Grandmother?”

“Of being a prostitute or a lesbian?” She asked pointedly.

“Either.” I swallowed hard as I answered her.

“She was not ashamed of her homosexuality.” Allison stated firmly. “And she was always very honest about what society had forced her to become. She had no options it was either sell her body or die. I think that she must have possessed amazing courage to survive everything that she did. Her story was never hidden away from us like some deep dark secret.”

“I can feel her strength as I read her words.” I told her honestly. “I just cannot figure out how she managed to marry a woman and have a child by her? After all this was long before the days of the turkey baste babies.”

“Now where did a nice girl from Connecticut learn about that?” Allison teased me. “Stephanie you are so very close to the answers.”

“How can I figure out Haley’s life when I cannot figure out my own?” I said absently.

“You are close to that too.” Allison said with a hint of hope in her voice.

“Thank you.” I told her sincerely.

“For what?”

“For sharing this with me.” I responded as I touched her arm gently.

She did not answer me. Allison just closed her eyes and ran her fingers threw her hair. “Where do you go when you do that?” I could feel her drifting away from me. “What secrets are you hiding Allison Kendell?” Perhaps there were no secrets. Perhaps she simply wants to pull away from me and all of my baggage. I try to convince myself that she does not feel the same way that I do. But somewhere in my heart those words ring false. We are the same.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Upon arriving at our office I was greeted by Grace. It amazed me how the woman could complete any task assigned to her and then collate it. Grace handed me my mail and informed me that I had something waiting for me in my office. I walked in to find a very sweet arrangement of roses in a porcelain vase sitting on my desk. I did not need to look at the card to know that they were from Peter. Like other offices woman began to find excuses to drop by my office. Everyone wanted to know who they were from and to compliment me on my thoughtful boyfriend. Everyone except Allison. She never said a word. Instead she simply retreated to her side of the office and busied herself with work.

The card was typical of Peter, Good Luck on your first day. I miss you and cannot wait to see you. Love, Peter. Granted he was no poet, but he could still pull at my heartstrings. If only I could feel for him what he so apparently feels for me. Life would be so much easier. I called him to thank him for the flowers. The sound of his voice failed to sway me from what I now know to be true. Since that night with Allison I keep catching myself looking at women in a new way. One night of lust had opened a Pandora’s box and there seemed to be no going back.

It was clear to me that if I am gay or not doesn’t matter. I needed to end my relationship with Peter. I was not being fair to him. “You keep saying it but you are not doing anything about Stephanie. Because I am realizing that I was using my best friend to complete some half-ass plan I came up with years ago. Okay quit your whining you are going to have to do this in person. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done.” It was time for my first class for the moment I could forget about Peter.

My classes went the way I had expected. The usual grunts and groans when I explained the work load. The usual scrambling for pen and paper when I began my lecture. I tried to relax and make things light and fun the way that Allison does. But as I faced the same blank stares that I have faced so many times before I knew it was useless. How did Allison do it? I reviewed the final exam for her summer course, and based on the questions she did in fact manage to cram a great deal of history into those six weeks. Somehow she made it fun. I was encourage when I noticed one young man in the front paying close attention to me. Until I realized that he was interested in me and probably had no clue as to what I was saying. Now if my legs and breasts could give the lecture this guy would pass with flying colors. The poor thing left at the end of the lecture with his textbook carefully placed in front of himself.

When I returned home I began to fix dinner. I decided to make a home cooked meal for Allison. A thank you, I lied to myself, for all of her help. I changed into a pair of old blue jeans and a tattered Yale t-shirt and began to boil the noodles for a lasagna. Just as I was about to start layering the noodles and cheese the telephone rang. It was Peter. We talked casually as I prepared Allison’s dinner. He wanted to know how my first day went. I informed him that it was the same as always. He was so sweet and supportive and told me not to worry. As we talked I quickly mentioned that perhaps we could get together before our anniversary. There was no way I was dumping him on our anniversary! His excitement over my suggestion filled me with even more guilt. Poor Peter he deserved better than what I had to offer him.

Peter and I talked for over an hour while I cooked. It felt good to talk to him and it reminded me why he was my friend. I just wished I could feel something deeper for him. While the lasagna cooled I said my goodbyes to Peter. I went to my bathroom and quickly checked my appearance in the mirror. I combed my short blonde hair and brushed my teeth. When I looked up into the mirror I saw something reflected in my green eyes that I honestly never saw there before … desire. I brushed this thought aside and headed out to my tiny kitchen. I grabbed two potholders and retrieved the lasagna and made my way upstairs to Allison’s apartment.

Allison smiled when she opened the door and discovered me standing there. “Food!” She exclaimed happily as she ignored me and stuck her head down to inhale the fragrance of the fresh baked meal. “And Stephanie.” I teased. “Yeah … yeah now bring the food in.” Allison teased. Allison let me in and ran to fetch some plates and forks. We settled in and ate our meal. It was so comfortable. After dinner Allison cleaned up. I had offered to help but she insisted. “No way you cooked. I will clean. Coffee?”

“Sounds good.” I answered as I rubbed my sated stomach.

After the coffee was brewed we sat on closely on her couch. But not close enough to touch. With our legs tucked under ourselves we sipped our coffee as I told Allison how my first day of classes went. “They never expect a lecture on the first day.” Allison sighed shaking her head. “I don’t care if they are freshmen or seniors it always comes as a complete shock.”

“So you lecture on the first day?”

“Of course.” She confirmed. “This isn’t Junior High.”

“I just wish that I could get my students involved the way that you do.” I stated with regret.

“I’m sure that you can.” She said honestly. “Your books are exciting and you are a bright intelligent woman. I’m sure that you will get through to them.”

Allison stood to refill our coffee cups. I watched her as she moved. There was something about this woman’s presence that made me insane. Maybe it was her long dark hair or the way she would tilt her head just slightly when she was about to say something. Then again maybe it is the baby doll T-shirt that is clinging to her breast. “I have got it bad.”

“Speaking of books…” I started as she reentered the room hoping to distract myself. “Thank you again for Haley’s journal.”

“You are welcome.”

“Yeah, it was just what I need to reading right now.” I added in a sarcastic tone.

“What do you mean?” Allison responded in confusion.

“Nothing. It just that I spent years dreaming of reading this woman’s diary.” I shake my head at the irony I was about to reveal. “And when I finally get the chance to read it … I am swimming in a pool of sexual confusion. So what do I find on the very first page … two women kissing!”

“I’m sorry.” Allison blushed as she spoke. “I never looked at it that way. I always found the romance to be sweet. But I must admit I was always grateful she never got graphic. After all she is my Great Great Grandmother and the idea of intimacy is well … you know … yuck. It is like thinking about my parents doing it.” Allison shuddered at the last comment.

“Now come on Professor Kendell.” I laughed. “How did you think your parents got you?”

“Don’t!” She warned me. “My parents never had sex.”

“Allison your parents had three children.” I pointed out.

“They never had sex.”

“Allison if you want I can book you on a trip down a certain river in Egypt. I’m pretty certain that I have built up frequent flier miles by now.” I know that I shouldn’t tease her but she was just too cute when she was flustered. “As for Haley’s diary, she may not have been graphic but there is some pretty hot stuff in that old diary.”

“What are you saying?” She pried.

“I guess what I am trying to say is that it wasn’t the tequila.” I replied quietly hoping that maybe she would not hear me. By the stunned expression on her face I knew that she had. “Since that night I have been reviewing my life and there were so many woman and girls that I had such obvious crushes on. I cannot believe that I never saw it before. The other night was like a bright neon sign telling me it was time to wake up.”

“Wow!” Allison gasped. “That has to be the quickest coming out in history.”

“Not really.” I sighed deeply. “It took me thirty three years to stop lying to myself even though I had experimented more than a little in the past.” Allison cast a knowing smirk and flashed those baby blues at me. “When did you come out?”

“Which time?” She laughed.

“What do you mean?” I asked in bewilderment.

“Let’s see first there was this girl in High School.” She admitted shyly. “While we were together I came out to myself and my sister. Then after we stopped messing around I managed to convince myself that it was just her and I started dating this boy named Kenny.”

“You are kidding?” I was shocked. Allison seemed so at ease with her sexuality.

“Hey I have the prom pictures to prove it.” She joked. “Then the summer after High School he came out. Then I went out with another guy, Ralph. I think he was seeing Kenny on the side. Then there was Paul and he also turned out to be gay. Then I went to College.”

“Wellesley.” I added.

“Nothing but women.” She laughed. “After half a semester of trying to convince myself that I had not met the right guy I had an affair with this girl. That was it I finally came out. To myself and my friends and family. I have been with women ever since.”

“Were there many?” I asked not really wanting to know the answer.

“Yes.” She answered honestly. “Before New York I played the field. Which is funny because when I was dating guys I managed to keep my virginity. “

“That’s because they were all gay.” I laughed. “And correct me if I am wrong but hadn’t you already lost your virginity to that girl in High School?”

“True.” Allison confessed. “The subconscious is an amazing thing.”

“Tell me about it.” I agreed. “I’m with Peter because he is safe. My father ran around on my Mother and I knew that Peter would never chase after another woman. I never stopped to think that I might. Why did I never let myself see myself?”

“Are you sure about this?” Allison questioned me in a very serious tone. “It seems so sudden?”

“It isn’t.” I answered honestly. It was amazing up until a few moments ago I was still telling myself that I was confused. Or at least I thought I was confused. But there I was ready to say it and knowing that it was the truth. “Allison I am gay.” A wave of relief washed over me. It felt so good to finally say it. “And even if I wasn’t a Jan Brady girl leaving Peter is the right thing to do. I am not in love with him.” “Wow that was so easy! But now how do you tell her that you think you are falling in love with her? I am? Of course I am. Come on no more hiding.”

I reached across the sofa and touched her lightly on the thigh. Now was the time to tell her everything. She seemed to sense what I was about to say she leaned closer to me. I moved my body closer to hers. I could feel my heart beating out of control. I never wanted to kiss anyone so badly. I felt her strong fingers gently caressing my cheek. I tilted my head up as she leaned down towards me. I could feel her breath on my face. I swallowed hard knowing what I wanted. The telephone rang breaking the spell. Damn it! Allison jumped up and closed her eyes. I watched as her back tensed. She paused for a moment and excused herself to answer the annoying ring. The moment had passed. I stood and brought my coffee cup into the kitchen. It was time for me to leave. As I approached her bedroom door I could hear the tension in Allison’s voice. “That is not my problem Chris.” It was then I decided that I could stay awhile longer. “I do not understand.” I heard Allison protest. “Well you are the lawyer … I know that I still am … but only in the technical sense.”

I mentally slapped myself for eavesdropping and made my way back into the living room. While Allison continued her conversation my mind bounced back to what almost happened between us and the fact that she was now talking to her ex-girlfriend. Allison finally emerged from her bedroom. She was visibly upset. “I’m sorry about that.” She apologized and then stood there awkwardly. “Timing is everything.” She muttered to herself.

“Problem?” I asked finally.

“Nothing important.” I could tell that she was lying.

“It is amazing.” I said shortly. “How do you do that? How do you just shut down like that?” How could you be ready to kiss me one moment than turn to ice the next?

“Stephanie …” She began as she closed her eyes once again. “… look I think it is great that you are coming to terms with everything …”

“But.” I added knowing that it was coming. She looked at me with a startled expression. Then her face grew cold.

“But there is still a guy out there sending his girlfriend flowers.” She finished bluntly.

“Allison Kendell the portrait of virtue.” I sneered not knowing who I was really angry with Allison or myself.

“Oh sure that is why I defended the tobacco industry.” She flared suddenly. Realizing what she had said she turned away from me. This was something that Allison obviously had no intention of letting people know.

“You what?” I gasped in horror.

I could tell by the look on her face that she was desperately struggling for words. I swallowed hard and calmed myself. It wasn’t easy. “The tobacco industry! Jesus Christ these were the bad guys. Weren’t they? Calm down Stephanie deal with that one later for now focus on what started all of this.” Okay I had flown off the handle and I had no idea why. Allison had made her position clear and that position was that she was not an option. Despite all of her warnings I had crossed the line yet again. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. I touched her innocently. “Allison.” I began softly as I watched her chewing on her bottom lip. “Let’s stop this right now. I should have never tried to … . to start anything again. It was not my intention when I came up here tonight.”

“No I’m the one who is sorry.” Allison groaned. “You keep blaming yourself as if I did nothing. Then I am the one who gets upset. Damn why is this so hard?”

“Hey forget it.” I said gently. “Look we can stand here all night apologizing and blaming ourselves or I can go downstairs and get some sleep.” Allison smiled at my suggestion and we said our goodnights at a distance.

I retreated downstairs to the only woman that I was going to be with that night … Haley Ballister. I changed into my favorite flannel pajamas since the nights had grown cold in more ways than one. I picked up Haley’s journal and started to read where I had left off. It was June 14, 1862 and the war was raging and a young Haley had just met a beautiful woman in uniform.

* * *

As I unbuttoned the jacket of her uniform I thanked God for sending this vision of beauty to me. I removed her jacket slowly and then I unbuttoned her shirt. Beneath her garments I discovered bandages that she had wrapped tightly around her bosom. As I unwrapped each one I felt the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. Even now as I sit here writing these words my body tingles as I recall the sight of her nakedness standing before me. I poured a hot bath. Anna had instructed me to prepare the hot water for my special guest earlier. At the time I had no idea just how special my guest would be.

I lowered my beauty into her bath. Her face glowed. After all that she has endured the hot water must have felt like walking through the pearly gates. While she soaked in the warm water. I gathered up her clothing and raced down the back staircase. I gave them to Sam on of the handy men. I paid him what little money I had to have him clean and stitch the uniform. I know that washing the uniform of a southern officer was not a pleasure for Sam. I had to plead with him to do it. Finally he agreed to do it for me. Washing the clothing of any white man was the last thing Sam every wanted to do again. But for me he did it and refused to take my money. In a few days Sam was to be heading north. I know that I would miss him and I was truly sorry for what I had asked him to do. But I could never tell him my true reasons why.

Upon returning to my room I found my sweet angel just as I had left her. I washed her back and gently scrubbed her raven hair. With each touch I felt my heart beating faster and faster. After bathing her completely, I stood beside that old tub and disrobed. I stood there exposing all that I am. She smiled at the sight. I climbed into the bathtub offering myself to her. With each touch I could hear her pleasure. She pulled me to her body and kissed me as I had never been kissed before. As she released me she asked me to take her to bed. How could I refuse? I obeyed without protest.

I dried off my soldier and led her to my bed. I pulled back the bedding and lowered her down onto the bed. We laid together our bodies touching. I kissed her neck and tasted the sweetness of her shoulders. I looked into her deep blue eyes and swept her black hair from her face. I kissed her again and again. I asked her name. She did not answer. “Tell me your name. Before I give myself to you I must know who you are. Your secret will be safe with me. But I must know who has captured my heart.” Never had I needed to hear anything so desperately. “Eleanor.” Was all she said before taking my body.

We loved until the call of the rooster disturbed our bliss. We pulled the bedding around us and held each other tightly. Each of us knowing that this could be the last time we would ever see the other. I asked her where she had come from before finding herself here. “We just finished out running the Yankees in the Shenandoah Valley. We walked for days. I thought we would never stop walking. But Old Jack got us into trouble and we had no choice but to keep moving ahead of the Yankees.” I was amazed by the courage that my love possessed. Yes I think of her as my love. Perhaps this is presumptuous of me but I cannot help myself.

I asked her why she was pretending to be a man. She explained that Stephan was her brother and that she knew that the Yankees were approaching and New Orleans would more than likely fall. Stephan had sold off everything he could not carry with him and then he ran to Florida. Eleanor thinks he may be in England by now. I was stunned. I asked how he could just leave her behind. She explained that Stephan was a coward who did not care about their home. She laughed as she told how because of her actions in battle Stephan would be remember as a hero while everyone thinks that she died in the fire that claimed the family plantation.

I had so many questions for my lady. Eleanor answered as many as she could. Before the war she had been a schoolteacher in Baltimore. After the incident at Fort Sumter she returned home and continued to run slaves to the North. She had been involved with helping free slaves for many years. Home was a large plantation in New Orleans, which her brother controlled. According to Eleanor he was a scoundrel. He had sent their parents to Newport so he could take over the plantation in their absence. Now they were trapped in Rhode Island and he had taken the family fortune. This bastard even tried marrying her off to an elderly neighbor. Stephan had hoped to gain control of the neighboring plantation.

When word reached New Orleans of the Yankees approach, most of the troops left to fight with General Lee. The Southern Navy would never hold the Union Army on the Mississippi. Stephan fled and Eleanor took his place and raced down to Natchez and joined Company B. Because of Stephan’s social standing she was made an officer. She wasn’t afraid of dying and she had killed others in battle. She was afraid of being captured or discovered. Her fear was that she could not rely upon her captors to behave like gentlemen. She made it clear to me that she was not fighting because she believed in slavery. She did not. She was fighting because New Orleans was her home. She told me that even though she was a woman she did understand that this war had nothing to do with slavery. I do not understand what she means by this.

When she left my bed this morning in her freshly pressed uniform I was breathless. She promised to return to me if she could. Until then I will have my memories of her touch. The sweetness of her taste and how I held her body. Unlike Emily this woman gave herself freely and took only what I offered. I was so taken with her that I offered her everything.

June 25, 1862

I find myself unable to perform for my guests. My only thoughts are of Eleanor. Is she safe? She promised to write but she needed to be cautious with her words. Each day I pray to hear something. I need some sign that my love is alive and will be returning to me.

August 4, 1862

More of the girls have left as well as most of the hired hands. Still no word from Eleanor. Anna and I busy ourselves with the much-needed repairs to the house. I no longer wish to entertain gentleman. Anna has agreed that it is time to close the business and convert the house into an Inn. Our carpentry skills are lacking and the roof will not stop leaking.

August 13, 1862

Anna has received some news. There was a battle at Cedar Mountain a few days ago. Our boys rallied and Jackson led them to victory. Strange that I now think of the rebs as our boys. Many of the boys fell but Anna has heard that my young sergeant is alive and well. Thank you God! I pray for her continued safety so that someday she may come back to me. It is strange the war is all around us and yet it can days sometimes weeks for us to find out what is going on. Where are you Eleanor?

August 15, 1862

I am truly blessed. Eleanor and her unit returned. They could not stay long. Many of them were disappointed that there were no longer woman to entertain them. Anna offered them food, bathes and a dry place to sleep. This pleased the weary men. I could barely hold back when I saw her walk threw the front door. I grabbed onto her and rushed her upstairs. After we made love, I returned downstairs and helped Anna care for the others. When they were finally settled down for the night, I returned to my room and Eleanor’s waiting arms. What I shared with this woman was more than passion. I gave her my body, my heart and my soul. She left me before dawn. She promised to return as soon as she could. I begged her to stay. She refused explaining that they had a truce with the Union Army so they could bury the dead.

August 20, 1862

I praise Jesus for Anna’s unknown sources. For they have set my mind at ease once again. It seems that the truce was not honored. More fighting broke out. But Eleanor’s unit was not involved. They were engaged in a small skirmish elsewhere. Fortunately it was not serious. Each I day I look out over the hills that surround this small town. I know that just over those hills somewhere is the one who has captured my heart. Each dawn I look for her to come back to me.

* * *

I finally closed Haley’s journal for the night. After reading everything that this woman endured so bravely and without question, I suddenly felt like a wimp. Here a sat in my comfortable home, lacking the courage to break up with my boyfriend. Disgusted with myself I turned off my reading lamp and crawled under the covers and drifted off to sleep.

I walked into our office Allison had departed quietly in the morning without her usual fan fair. I found her sitting at her desk working intently on her computer. I could smell cigarette smoke in the air. I walked over to her and gave her a knowing glare. I looked behind her file cabinet and discovered what I was seeking. There nestled behind the file cabinet was a pack of Merits. Without a word I retrieved the half of pack of cigarettes and brushed past her. I opened the window behind her and unceremoniously tossed the cigarettes out of the window.

“Brat.” Was her only response to my actions.

I brushed past her without bothering to comment and proceeded to my desk. I placed my briefcase on my desk and returned to her side of the office. I slumped down onto the couch adjusting my the pleat of my skirt. “I missed my morning concert.” I said softly.

“Things to do.” She replied without looking up. “Here we go again. One step forward and two steps backward.”

“I can see that.” Was all I could muster up to say. If she did not want to talk, I was not going to force her. We continued to sit in an uncomfortable silence. The only sound was the constant clanking of Allison’s keyboard. It was hard for me to fathom that just last evening I was a hair’s breath away from kissing this woman and this morning I was being treated like a redheaded stepchild at a family reunion. The typing stopped. “Don’t push Stephanie for once let her come to you.”

“I can not believe that you threw my cigarettes out of the window.” Allison said finally looking at me. I laughed as she tried to intimidate me with her classic scowl. I shot her a look that said nice try. She just flashed me a cocky smirk.

“It is for your own good.” I explained calmly. “What are you working on?”

“Notes for our book.” Allison offered blankly as if nothing had happened between us. I did not know if I should be angry or relieved.

“Great.” I answered with enthusiasm. Relief was the option I selected. “So it was Eleanor. What an incredible story.”

“It is going to upset people.” Allison stated bluntly.

“Do you care?”

“No.” She answered firmly. “Now that you know ask me anything.”

I smiled at the offer. “Anything huh? So Allison could you ever love me?” Sure ask you anything but the one thing I really need to know. I decided it was safer to stick to the book. “Did Stephan make it to England?”

“Yes.” She answered. “But he did return briefly near the end of the war. He had changed his name to Arthur Fennimore. He sailed back when he heard that the Confederacy was certain to fall. Then he began to buy up property from the war widows.”

“What a sleaze bag.” I choked. “First he runs away then he comes back and takes advantage of those who stayed and lost everything. I mean if he had some moral objection to the war I could understand his leaving.”

“He had no morals.” Allison answered shaking her head in disgust. “While he was hiding in England he was selling arms to both sides. Just as everything is about to come to a close he hopped on the first ship heading to the States. Then he buys up land dirt cheap.” I groaned in disgust. “It gets better.” Allison sneered. “While traveling through the South ripping off widows and orphans he hears about a young Sergeant from New Orleans.”

“No!” I gasped.

“Yes.” Allison confirmed. “I don’t know if it was curiosity or his over sized ego but he decided to pay a call on the widow Ballister. Haley’s diary is a little sketchy on the subject. I get the definite impression that he blackmailed her into sleeping with him. The timing was just close enough that everyone assumed that it was her husband’s child.”

“Nice guy.” I blanched. “Okay now Eleanor died in battle.”

“No.” Allison teased. “The end of the war was approaching. Eleanor sensed that the Confederacy was about to surrender so she deserted. She was terrified of being captured.”

“Since she could not rely upon the union soldiers to behave like gentlemen.” I cut in recalling the words from Haley’s journal. “But many women were discovered passing as men and they were treated very well.”

“She could not have known that.” Allison added sadly.

“Tell me just when did she marry Haley?”

“Just after Eleanor returned from Gettysburg.” Allison explained. “She had been wounded. Though it was not serious she became concerned that she may not live until the end of the war. They were very much in love and Eleanor knew that by marrying Haley she could give her respectability. With one simple ceremony Haley went from fallen woman to an officer’s wife.”

“Well, this certainly explains a lot.” I said absently lost in thought. The historian in me was thrilled beyond belief. “In Haley’s diary she said that Mrs. Moorehouse’s daughter Sarah had died in childhood. That confused me since I remembered that my earlier research led me to believe that when Mrs. Moorehouse and Haley and her son moved up North, Sarah Moorehouse had traveled with them.”

“It was easy enough to pull off.” Allison explained knowing that I had figured out how Eleanor stayed with them. “After the war everything was in upheaval. And with no birth or death records. While they were still in Virginia Eleanor simply kept out of sight. If anyone asked they simply explained that she was Sarah Moorehouse. No one in the area had ever asked Mrs. Moorehouse about her past. Those who had known her before she became a prostitute knew that she had a daughter who she had sent away.”

“Whatever happened to Stephan?”

“He returned to England and from there I have no idea what happened to him.” Allison answered.

“I will research that.” I volunteered.

“Great.” Allison responded finally sounding relaxed. “There are some more papers and Eleanor’s journal at my parents house. I will get them when I go home for Thanksgiving. Or as we call it Football Day.”

“Why Football Day?” I was intrigued.

“Because my Grandmother is a Native American and if you mention anything at all to do with the Pilgrims she goes ballistic.” Allison laughed.

“I can understand where she might have a problem with that.” I added. “I can not believe that after all of these years I finally know the truth.” I said with joy. I knew that I wasn’t simply referring to the mystery of Stephan James Ballister. “I am looking forward to working with you Allison. I hope that after the past few nights that we still can.”

“Don’t be silly.” Allison chastised me. “I was a jerk last night. It was the phone call. It was from Chris. It seems that my old law firm is being investigated. Some of my old cases have come into question. She wants me to go down to New York and work on the case.”

“Will you?” I asked suddenly frightened by the thought of Allison leaving to work closely with her old flame.

“No.” Allison snorted. “I am not a lawyer. Even though I still pay my bar dues. But I only do that to keep my parents happy. The only time I practice law is when I do some pro bono work for a woman’ s shelter in Boston. Chris my have been a lousy girlfriend but she is a damn good lawyer. I’m certain that she can straighten out this mess without my help. I am not worried. I may have been a complete bastard but I never broke the law. Bent it a few times but never broke it.”

“Speaking of which …” I wasn’t certain that I wanted to bring this up. But it had been a nagging thought in the back of my mind since she mentioned it last evening.

“The tobacco industry?” Allison asked directly.

“Well yes.” I stammered. “I know that it none of my business. But I cannot see you doing something like that. I lost my Grandmother, the person who raised me to cancer.”

“I’m sorry Stephanie.” Allison answered sincerely. “I was a different person then. I truly believed then and now that everyone is entitled to a proper defense. My clients were major players in the industry. When I took the case I convinced myself that it was just another case, I was simply doing my job. Both sides of my family tree is loaded with tobacco plantations. Hell I smoke. If you recall back then the tobacco guys were winning. I was winning. Then one night I was working late per usual and I came across one of those now infamous internal memos. It made me sick. I packed everything up. Then I walked into one of the senior partners office. One who had the misfortune of also working late that evening. I quit on the spot. I went straight home to tell Chris. I found her in bed with another woman.”

“Wow!” I gasped. “Your job and your girl all in one day. What did you do?”

“Came home.” Allison asserted brightly. “I moved back in with Mom and Dad. I went back to school and I just started over again. I am finally happy. It is amazing really. Your life can change so quickly. For me it was when I read that memo. I knew then how much I hated my life and I was living a lie.”

“So is that why you won’t teach the course of the history of the tobacco industry?” I asked.

“I can’t.” Allison said simply. “It would be a violation of Attorney Client privilege. When I wrote my book I had to be very careful. Even though it was about the history of advertising cigarettes and I never once said or implied anything negative. The boys from Wainwright & Griggs went over it with a fine tooth comb.”

We ended up talking about our book for a while then Allison left for one of her classes. Per usual I watched her walk out of the room. I honestly do not know which I prefer more, watching her enter a room or leave it. The rest of my day went the way of the previous. Inside I felt a gnawing in my stomach knowing that I needed to break up with Peter. I also knew that I needed to get over my feelings for Allison. Last night my actions caused her to pull even further away from me. When was all of this going to make sense?

I found myself in my last lecture of the day and I was not looking forward to returning home. I was about half way through my lecture. My students were not interested. Most of them were looking at their watches. It was then that I saw a face hiding in the back of the lecture hall. Her head was resting in her hand. “Am I keeping you awake Professor Kendell?” I asserted boldly. The class was stunned. The turned and sought out Allison. Many of them seemed amused by her presence. After all Allison was one of the most popular instructors on campus. No wonder Stan did not like her. She just flashed that cocky grin of hers in my direction. “So Professor Kendell what is your opinion of the Free Masons?” No way I was letting her off the hook. This time she was in my classroom.

“A bunch of white guys creating a secret society?” She yawned. “What is so special about that?”

The look on my face must have been priceless. “Is she challenging me? The nerve of this woman. How could she be doing this to me? For the first time in ten years I had an overwhelming desire to kick Allison Kendell’s arrogant ass!” She just arched that eyebrow and flashed that cocky smirk at me. “Tell me Dr. Grant why do you find this subject interesting?” She was challenging me! The nerve of this woman she comes into my classroom and challenges me in front of my students. I looked around at my students who were visibly stunned. No way I was going to let her get the better of me. I squared my shoulders and stared her down.

“Well Professor Kendell since you are so interested in the subject allow me to enlighten you.” I began to explain to her. I was on fire. I focused solely on the raven-haired beauty that had challenged me. “The Free Masons started out with a very noble ideals. Today the organization tries to reflect these ideals and offers a more inclusive membership. But in the beginning the structure of the society was very exclusive. Not intentionally but when you form a secret society these things happen. They drew the guild practices from the medieval stonemasons. The first Grand Lodge was organized in London in 1717. During the American Revolution the Masons were active in the Revolution and continued as a force in later politics. George Washington is known to have been a member of the society. It is rumored that his life was spared during the war when the British discovered that he was a mason.” I was meeting her challenge. How dare she? First I find her napping in my class then she called me on the carpet regarding the subject matter. I had no choice I let her have it with both barrels. As I spoke about the intricacies and history of the Free Masons, I was on fire. Suddenly so were my students. For the first time in my teaching career my students were asking questions. When it came time to dismiss the class many students approached me with more questions. I gave them some references and explained that I did not want to get too far ahead on the first day. Some of them seemed disappointed and wanted to know more about the infamous murder.

Finally I managed to clear the classroom. I approached Allison who was still sitting in the back looking very pleased with herself. “For the first time in my teaching career my students were paying attention and not because the final was coming up. Thank you.” I explained to my new friend.

“You love what you teach.” Allison told me flatly. “They do not need to love it as well. But let them see why you do.” She placed her hand over her heart. “Make it personal. Teach from here.”

“I don’t know how I can thank you.” I said honestly.

“Buy me dinner.” She laughed.

“Deal.” I agreed. “Chinese all right?”

Since it was a nice night out we decided to walk into to town to the Jade Garden, Haven’s only Chinese restaurant. Over dinner we talked nonstop about everything. We discussed Haley and the war. I was mesmerized by everything she had to say. I found myself staring at her neck and the slight hint of cleavage her blouse was exposing. Allison had unlocked so many doors for me. Thinking that she might be leaving in the spring suddenly made me feel empty. “Is this how Haley felt each time Eleanor left her?”

CHAPTER EIGHT

A week later I returned to our office after teaching one of my classes. I walked in to find a raven-haired woman searching the contents of Allison’s desk. Although I could only see the woman’s hair instinctively I knew that it was not Allison. “Hello?” I called out to the stranger. Her head popped up and I was greeted by a familiar smile. The same hair, cheekbones and cocky grin. The only difference was her eyes they were definitely not her sister’s dazzling baby blues. No Nicole had deep brown eyes. Of course the first time we met I don’t think I ever saw her eyes. In fact I seemed to recall that during our entire luncheon the woman never removed her sunglasses. “You’re not Stan.” She said slyly.

“What was your first clue?” I teased.

“No bow tie.” She said dryly. “And you have much nicer legs.”

“Ah that Kendell charm.” I sighed.

“What can I say?” Nicole smiled brightly.

As she stood and I noticed that Nicole stood a few inches shorter than her older sister. “Why do get the feeling that when the two of you were growing up nobody’s sons or daughters were safe?” I could not help but feel the Kendell charm emanating from this woman. Nicole just laughed. “Stephanie Grant.” I extended my hand knowing that the chances of her remembering our first encounter was slim to none. Nicole accepted my hand and shook it warmly. “Nicole Kendell.” She greeted me. “But you already knew that.” She added in a questioning tone.

“Actually we met years ago.” I answered hesitantly.

“Oh Dear.” Nicole sighed. “What did I do?”

“How do you know you did anything?” I asked.

“Law of averages.” Nicole answered flatly. “Come on. You will have to fill me in on just how big of a jackass I was. To be perfectly honest most of the nineties are a bit of a blur to me.”

I was more than a bit surprised by this woman’s candor. “Well you and I had a luncheon meeting that you drank your way through and then stuck me with the check.” I explained hoping that I would not offend her.

“I’m sorry that really doesn’t narrow it down for me.” Nicole explained. “So tell me Princess is there more?”

“It is not important.”

“I’m afraid it is.” Nicole added honestly. “You see I take my steps very seriously. One of the twelve steps is that I need to apologize for the transgressions I committed while I was drinking. So out with it what did I do?”

“Well I was working on my thesis and you agreed to arrange a meeting with your sister so I could see the family diaries.” I explained.

“No?” She was shocked. “Wow I must have really been pissed off at Allison. I’m sorry that I set you up. That wasn’t a nice thing to do.”

“Water under the bridge.” I brushed it off.

“More like gin under the bridge.” Nicole added with a smirk. “Hey I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I spent far too many years lying and hiding my drinking. I am a drunk.” She said with a shrug. “I no longer hide it. Instead I prefer to have it out in the open.”

“No problem.” I replied warmly. This was definitely a different woman than the one I had met almost a decade ago. “So why are you ransacking your sister’s desk?”

“I need a smoke.” Nicole explained as she resumed her search. “What can I say I traded one vice for another. I had the train ride from hell on the way up here. There was this kid behind me who only stopped coughing and sneezing long enough to kick the back of my seat. His Mother was too preoccupied with his screaming sibling to notice. I swear that family follows me everywhere.”

I couldn’t help myself but smile. Nicole was so much like her older sister. “I hate to be the one to break it to you … but Allison is trying to quit smoking.”

“Yeah … yeah.” Nicole snorted. “I am very familiar with how the Amazon tries to quit smoking. She always keeps a pack hidden away for emergencies.”

“Well she did have a pack tucked behind the file cabinet …” I grimaced recalling my actions. “… but they met with an unfortunate accident.”

“Get away from my desk.” Allison’s voice boomed from the doorway.

“Whatever Amazon.” Nicole grunted at her approaching sibling. “Where are you cigarettes?”

“Someone threw them out the window.” Allison growled as cast an accusing glance in my direction.

“Got her trained already.” Nicole chuckled. “Good for you! Don’t you take any crap from the Amazon here, sometimes she is just too butch for her own good.”

“Se tromper, petit soeur.” Allison said quickly.

“Menteur!” Nicole scoffed. “Lesbienne?” “Well that last word was fairly easy to figure out?” I thought to myself. “The only other word I understood was petit. So what do we have little lesbian. I so do not like where this conversation is going!”

“Non… ” Allison stuttered and was answered by a disbelieving glare from her sister. ” … oui … complique’!” Allison groaned in frustration. It felt like I was watching a foreign film without the benefit of subtitles. The only sense of relief I felt was I now knew who Allison had been speaking French to a few weeks ago.

“Qu’est-ce qui se passe?” Nicole pushed.

“Rien du tout!” Allison asserted. But Nicole just stared back at her in disbelief. “Mon ami.”

“Excusez-moi!” Nicole chuckled. “Pourquoi? Une belle femme. Vous etes d’accord, n’est-ce pas?”

“Oui.” Allison sighed as she looked at me. “Elle est vashement belle. Ce n’est pas bon.”

“Quelle dommage.” Nicole looked sadly over at her sister.

“Excuse me ladies.” I chimed in. Enough was enough. “I would like to point out that someone in this room doesn’t speak French and she is standing right here. Normally I wouldn’t mind but I get the distinct feeling that I am being talked about.”

“No.” Allison lied.

“Yes you are.” Nicole volunteered as she was greeted by an icy stare from her sister. “What? Well we were.” Nicole scoffed. “Get over yourself Amazon and take me to the lunch you promised me. Stephanie would like to join us? Stretch is paying.”

“Uh Nicole … I asked you to visit so I could discuss something with you.” Allison explained looking suddenly embarrassed.

“Okay.” Nicole began slowly. “So you want to talk about Stephanie when she is not in the room.”

“Couillon!” Allison spit out.

Nicole’s jaw dropped. “I’m telling Mom.” She threatened. Allison just glared at her sister. “Sorry Ally.” She said quickly. “Stephanie it was a pleasure meeting you. I’m sure that we will meet again.” Allison started to push her sister towards the doorway. “Hold on Ally.” She slapped her sister away. “Stephanie I want to apologize again for what I did to you before.”

“What did you do?” Allison flared angrily.

“I will tell you at lunch. Now feed me.” Nicole demanded.

I watched them arguing their way out of the doorway. They exchanged a few more phrases in French which I was quite certain should not be translated in public. “My God, their Mother must have the patience of a saint.” I thought to myself. “Maybe the brother is normal?” I said aloud.

Later that evening I returned home alone. As I stepped up onto the porch I could hear the Kendell sisters bantering just outside of Allison’s apartment door. “Nicole did you listen to anything I said at lunch today?” Allison’s voice rang out in frustration.

“Yes.” Nicole responded calmly. “Did you?”

“What is that suppose to mean?”

“Allison I let you rant and rave about this tired ass list you have for why you should stay away. Frankly if you believed any of it you wouldn’t need to keep saying it. I would like to add that maybe you need to have an operation to remove that stick that is so firmly shoved up your …”

“Nicole!”

“The truth hurts?” Nicole added gently. “Ally I love you but you are driving yourself insane over this. I listened to all of your excuses. I also saw the way you looked at the girl.”

“News flash little sister. I’m a lesbian she is an attractive woman I checked her out. Big surprise!” Allison argued.

“That wasn’t lust I saw in your eyes.” Nicole countered. “Well not just lust. Allison you are very lucky she had her back to you when you entered the room. I never thought I would see you look at someone like that. I’m happy for you. Why can’t you allow yourself to be happy too? I understand your track record hasn’t been great.”

“Better than yours.” Allison shot back.

“Liz Taylor has a better track record than I do.” Nicole teased. “Of course she has been married fewer times than I have. Allison stop taking care of everyone but yourself. You have worked so damn hard to get to this point in your life. Take the next step. She isn’t Chris or Jessica and she is certainly not Brenda. And frankly not a one of them deserved you. I like this girl and so do you.”

I was touched by Nicole’s endorsement. Granted I was only assuming that it was me they were discussing. I suddenly became very aware that I was once again eavesdropping. I stepped into the hallway and made presence known. “Hi.” I called out sheepishly to the approaching pair. “Hi.” Nicole responded in a surprised tone.

“Hey you are just getting home?” Allison smiled at me.

“Wait you live downstairs?” Nicole laughed uncontrollably. Allison nudged her sister. “What? You going to call me a bastard again?” Allison held up a finger in warning, silencing Nicole.

“I’m going to drive this idiot to the train station.” Allison explained. “Unless you want to change your mind and let me drive you home?” Allison asked warmly.

“The train is fine.” Nicole responded gently.

“You know if you let me help you get your driver’s license back you wouldn’t need to take the train.” Allison pushed.

“I don’t know.” Nicole began hesitantly. “That judge was very clear that he would see to it that the Commonwealth would never grant me another drivers license while I was still breathing. At least I think that is what he said, I was pretty loaded during my hearing.”

“I’m sorry I missed that one.” Allison groaned.

“Well my DUI hearings were like my weddings. If you missed one you could always catch the next one.” Nicole teased.

“Nikki …” Allison began sadly.

“Hey I need to face what I did.” Nicole said firmly suddenly looking much older than her sister. “You can’t save me. I’m the only one who can. This is the way it works.”

“I hate it.” Allison grumbled.

“I know.” Nicole sighed. “Now if we are done sharing with the neighbors I have a train to catch.”

“Come on.” Allison conceded.

“Bye Stephanie.” Nicole addressed me. Then she pulled me aside and whispered, “Good luck. Just remember she isn’t as strong as she thinks she is.”

“Thanks.” I whispered in response as she pulled away.

Allison looked at us suspiciously. “Come on.” Nicole ordered.

“Uh huh.” Was Allison’s only response as she eyed the both of us.

I watched the siblings bickering as they strolled over to Allison’s car. Suddenly I was relieved that I had been an only child. Personally I don’t think I could have survived that kind of stress on a day-to-day basis. Two things were clear. One was that deep down Allison and Nicole adored each other. The other was that Nicole was definitely in my corner. The only question was … would Allison listen to her? I was exhausted. Normally I would have waited for Allison’s return. But tonight I think that maybe she needed time to think about what Nicole had said. I showered and put on my favorite flannel pajamas and crawled into bed. I was fast asleep before I knew it. My dreams were filled with visions of a certain dark haired beauty.

CHAPTER NINE

September passed slowly, and with autumn approaching the leaves were beginning to turn. Fall in New England; there is simply nothing else like it in the world. You could smell the changing of the season in the air. It would soon be October and I have been working side by side with Allison mostly in silence. Every time she would open up she would quickly retreat further back. I knew that a part of it was that I had yet to break up with Peter. I knew that I needed to end things with him. I also knew that I would need to face him when I did it. I just could not stand the thought of seeing him hurt. So I never drove down to see him as I had promised. I had postponed the inevitable. Now our anniversary was here and he was coming. This was the wrong time to do this. Could I spend the weekend with him just to spare his feelings? God could I be that much of a hypocrite?

Breaking up with Peter was something that I never thought I would ever consider doing. I was not in love with him and worst of all I had never been in love with him. My declaration to Allison was the truth. I am a lesbian. I no longer held any doubts about this. I noticed women everywhere, not just Allison. But Allison was the one who had captured my heart. Not that it mattered since she still made it abundantly clear that she was not interested. Of course, I was also at a loss as to how I was going to tell Peter. “I mean just how does one leave their long time boyfriend because they have come to terms with their latent homosexuality? Face it, Hallmark does not have a card for this one.”

Well at least the book was going well. I had since finished reading Haley’s journal. Her life was so captivating. Eleanor had served bravely at Gettysburg, and after being wounded the two married. A bold decision but one that did provide Haley with respectability. They saw little of each other during the war but each time was memorable. As I read of their endless devotion and love it would fill me with desire. I often found myself laying awake at night wondering what would happen if I dared to climb up the staircase to Allison’s door. Would she be there with open arms or would she simply slam the door in my face?

I sat in my little study in Allison’s apartment. I was reviewing notes for our book while Allison was downstairs in the kitchen making coffee. It felt so comfortable to share this tiny space with her even if our conversations over the past month had been brief. It seemed that Allison was determined not to take her sister’s advice. She was getting very good at avoiding spending time with me. She was always busy with one thing or another. At first I simply tried to convince myself that Allison had a full life long before I walked through her door, but lately her excuses were getting a little flimsy. You would think that someone with such a fine education would be a little more creative!

I was finished with my work for the evening, yet I was hesitant to leave. I knew that I should return to my own apartment, but still I was unwilling. I decided to reread some of my favorite passages from Haley’s journal. I always found the passages from Gettysburg enthralling so I settled in and began with those.

* * *

July 4, 1863

We have received word of a bloody battle on a farm in Pennsylvania. Many lives were lost to the Union and Confederacy. I sit here and wait for some word. All I know is that Eleanor’s unit was involved. Please God let my love come home to me.

July 7, 1863

Still no word. Mrs. Whitman who has the farm down the road has received word that her boy Beau has fallen. He was all that she had left and Anna has offered for her to come and stay at the Inn until she can reach her sister in Richmond. Where are you Eleanor? The waiting is driving me mad.

July 8, 1863

Panic filled my heart when there was a knock on the back door last evening. I have learned that no good news comes at that hour of the evening. This time I was mistaken. There she stood her arm wrapped in a sling. Eleanor was alive and well. Her wound thank the good Lord is not serious. She feared being exposed more than the bullet that grazed her shoulder. In Mrs. Whitman’s presence Eleanor was kind enough to keep up her charade. Mrs. Whitman doted on the poor girl. When we were finally alone she told me what she could of the events that occurred at Gettysburg. I was horrified as she explained that the smell of blood was everywhere. Eleanor claimed that it filled the earth and the air. She feels that the smell will haunt her for the rest of her days. I begged her to stay with me. Once again she refused. She could not abandon her men now that they had lost so much. She tells me that I cannot imagine the horrors they witnessed with the coming of each dawn. I knew that the words she spoke were the truth. I could never understand what she has seen. For three days Eleanor and the others that endured the battle vowed that they would continue to fight until the war was over.

I could still see love and warmth in her blue eyes, yet now they are clouded with sadness as well. Then she asked me to grant her a favor. I agreed without asking what it was that she wanted. She smiled and asked me for my hand. I was confused. How could we?

“Marry Me.” She insisted. Eleanor calmed my fears by explaining that with the exception of Mrs. Moorehouse the world outside thought of her as a man. No one will question their marriage. “Marry Me and I promise that I will return to you. I promise that we will both live to be very old and die in each other’s embrace long after this century has past.”

How could I refuse her? We were wed this very morning. Our neighbors came out to witness our union as old Reverend Stamford gave us his blessing. One of the ladies from town was kind enough to allow me to wear her wedding gown. She explained that she had no daughters to pass it along to and she could not think of anyone finer to wear it. Strange how war changes things, not more than a year ago these same people all but shunned me. I must admit that with Eleanor in her freshly pressed dress uniform and I all in virginal white we made a striking couple. After dancing into the late hours of the evening we went up to our room and began our honeymoon. With my neighbor’s blessings I took this wonderful woman to my bed.

* * *

I sighed deeply as I wondered what Haley’s neighbors would have said if the knew the truth? In one brief moment Haley was transformed from fallen woman to the wife of a prominent New Orleans gentleman. I almost wept as I read her words. I prayed for the day that I would promise the woman that I loved that I would grow old with her and would only leave her side when I departed from this earthly plane. I flipped threw the journal until I found another set of passages that I was fond of. These events occurred later in Haley’s life.

* * *

April 4, 1865

Petersburg and Richmond have fallen! It is unthinkable. The Yankees are approaching and there is no word from my beloved. I saw her briefly only a few weeks ago. There is something else troubling me. A man has arrived in town by the name of Fennimore. I do not like him. He is an unsavory Englishman who has been buying everything he can get his hands on. He has been asking a great many questions regarding my husband as well. He frightens me. He also seems strangely familiar. Is he one of the many faceless gentlemen I entertained in the past? I will do my earnest to stay away from him, which is difficult since he has taken up lodging here. Anna is keeping a watchful eye on him.

April 5, 1865

It is with a heavy heart that I write these words … my love has died in battle. A cannon ball ripped her poor body apart. A blessing I am told since it is unlikely that she suffered as life passed from her. I am thankful for this and that the manner of her death made it impossible for her true identity to be discovered. But how could she leave me? How dare you break your promise to me Eleanor! You promised me that we would grow old together. I am forced to wait to join you and I am tempted to cut my time away from you short. Something is holding me back from joining you my beloved.

April 6, 1865

Shame has befallen me. Mr. Fennimore was not who he pretended to be. He is in fact the real Stephan James Ballister. He confronted me only hours after hearing of my beloved’s death. He laughed at the thought that someone had died a hero’s death for him. Then he joked that he should thank the chap. Then he … I cannot say what he did. I regret that I allowed him to be alone with me. Stephan is not the gentleman that his sister is. To protect her memory I gave into this snake’s blackmail. When he finished his business, (rather quickly I might add proving that he is certainly not the lover his sister is either) he informed me that it was an adequate down payment. “Burn in hell.” were my only words to him. He just laughed cruelly.

His laughter was cut short as my bedroom door crashed open. Stephan was dragged from the bed and slammed onto the floor. A boot planted firmly across his throat and a pistol placed against his temple. “Still chasing after my women are you Stephan!” A familiar voice growled. I do not recall who was more shocked me or the unfortunate Mr. Ballister. He trembled and begged for his life. “Still the coward?” Eleanor scoffed as she ordered him to leave. He left with his life and a promise that if he ever came near Eleanor’s family again she would be feeding his sorry carcass to her dogs. She dragged her brother from my room without ever glancing at me.

April 7, 1865

I did not sleep. I waited for her to return but she did not. My only companion is my journal. Finally Eleanor returned. She greeted me wearing one of Anna’s old dresses. I tried to explain everything to her and begged for her forgiveness. But she silenced me with a kiss. “I trust you and I know him. You did nothing wrong, this I know in my heart.” She explained to me. How could she forgive me so easily? I simply looked into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Finally I raised the two questions plagued my thoughts how is it that she is alive and why was she wearing a dress? She laughed at my curiosity over her attire. Then she explained that the war was over and the south was finished. She could not risk capture so she boldly exposed herself to Jack Hammstead her Corporal. After he recovered from the shock he helped her run away and faked her death in such a manner that no one would ever know the truth.

During the night she and Anna cooked up a scheme. Anna was out spreading the news that her daughter who had been living abroad somehow made it through enemy lines and rejoined her Mother. They both agreed that Eleanor would take Sarah’s name and stay close to the Inn away from prying eyes.

My love kept her promise and I know that we will be together always. Although in some ways I am going to miss that uniform. God has smiled upon this lost soul.

* * *

It amazed me how much these two women truly loved each other. How dangerous it must have been for them. Every waking moment threatened them with exposure. After the Ku Klux Klan began to make their presence known they decided it was time to leave. Along with their young son and Mrs. Moorehouse they made their way to Boston and then traveled north. Finally they settled in Salem, Massachusetts where they opened a small Inn. There they lived out the rest of their lives. Eleanor was finally free to go outside and into town. They lived happily until the day that Eleanor finally did break her promise to Haley. In the winter of 1899 she died. The war had left many scars on her body and mind. Haley forgave her for leaving her far too soon. Haley lived out her remaining days as she put it “with the memories of the sweetest love anyone could have known. She left me but she will always be with me.”

CHAPTER TEN

October passed in much the same manner as September. I managed to find a great many excuses not to visit Peter. I know that I should have been braver and end things, and I felt very guilty stringing him along that way. At least my classes were going well. Never before had I been able to express myself so well with my students. Allison had been right. I opened my heart and showed them why I loved the subject matter so dearly. History I explained in one of my lectures was part story telling, that the facts often changed to please the public and the other half was a life lesson. Since history truly does repeat itself, all of us need to heed the lessons from the past. Miraculously my enthusiasm invoked their enthusiasm.

The one bright note was that work on our book moved along much faster than I had anticipated. I sent out the rough drafts to my publisher since Allison no longer had one. Pauline Kwan had been my editor from the beginning. She was thrilled with the early drafts and clamored for more. She was disappointed that we had not started work on the manuscript sooner. “It would be perfect for the holiday season.” She gushed. She promised that if Allison and I could complete the final draft by the date she had set she could guarantee us a release date in the fall. I promised her that we would try. Allison worked equally as hard on the project as I did. But I longed for a more one on one working relationship with her.

This became increasingly harder to do since Allison began spending most of her weekends in New York. It appeared that the problems at Wainwright & Griggs were not going to be resolved quickly. I was becoming jealous of all of the time she was spending with Chris. I knew that I had no right to be jealous but hell I am human. But my suspicions would disappear each time Allison would return home. The constant traveling and pressure were beginning to weigh heavily on her. She was sullen and moody most of the time. The only time she seemed truly happy was when she was teaching.

Each time she returned home I prayed that it would be her last trip to New York. In my heart I knew that I could not trust Chris. Mrs. Giovanni seemed to agree with me. I also began to resent Chris for taking up so much of Allison’s time. Even when she was home, Chris was constantly calling. Allison and I rarely spent time together and when we did it was strictly business. Despite my feelings of jealousy I was more concerned on the toll all of this was having on Allison. I needed to get her to relax and this was no small accomplishment these days. All of this constant traveling and nonstop work was not good for her.

On the 28th of October I found myself working in Allison’s apartment. Several times during the evening I tried in vain to get her to laugh but nothing seemed to be working. I finally gave up and focused on our book. As we went over the mundane details of the book I forced myself to maintain a professional atmosphere. We were very close to finishing. Everything was coming down to rechecking dates and information. All I needed to do was read Eleanor’s diary. Allison had filled me in on the content as much as she could and her father would often fax or email passages to us. But I needed to see the journal for myself. With all of Allison’s traveling she did not have a chance to visit her parents. I would just have to wait until she returned from the Thanksgiving Holiday as we originally planned.

“Where is Eleanor buried?” I asked as I watched her stoke the fire.

“Salem.” She responded in her usual business tone. With each passing day she was becoming more and more like the lawyer she had been when I first met her. She stood from her duties at the fireplace. The glow of the fire illuminated her features. I could feel my heart racing. She was so beautiful as she gazed over at me. For the first time in almost two months she looked into my eyes.

I could not take my eyes off of her. She looked at me and I could feel the heat and it was not emanating from the fireplace. There was something in the way that she looked at me. The kindness and the joy I had not seen in her for a very long time seemed to return. Standing before me was the woman that I had first fallen for. The flames let out a loud snap and we were both brought back to reality. She closed her eyes and pinched her nose and she was gone again.

“What was I saying?” She asked as she began rubbing her eyes.

“Eleanor’s grave.” I prodded her with regret.

“Right.” She opened her eyes and looked back up but not at me. “She is buried in Salem. In fact Eleanor, Anna Moorehouse and Haley are all buried in the same little cemetery.

“We should include a picture of their headstones in the book if we can.” I stated dryly. “Your family doesn’t have one by any chance?”

Suddenly Allison was laughing loudly. “Uh no. Not exactly something you put in the family album.” Her face was alive suddenly.

“Maybe I could go down to Salem sometime and get one.” I said carefully not wanting to jolt her out of her happy mood.

“We could go now.” She suggested enthusiastically.

“Are you serious?” I asked her awkwardly. It had been far too long since Allison had suggested that we do anything together. But a trip to a cemetery?

“Why not?” She pleaded. “It’s still early enough. If we hurry we can just make it before it gets dark. Please!”

“You are serious.” I asked as I shook my head in disbelief. “But won’t the cemetery be closed at this hour?” I wanted to spend time with Allison but it was late and cold and this was a cemetery for pity’s sake!

“This little graveyard is locked up constantly.” She answered plainly. “Oh so now it is a grave yard? I so do not like where this is going!” Allison just looked at me pouting. “Come on Stephanie what could be more fun than breaking into a grave yard in Salem three nights before Halloween?” I don’t know … gum surgery? “Please Stephanie if I don’t get out of here and doing something fun soon I am going to snap.” Allison begged.

“Allison …” I could think of a thousand reasons why this idea was completely ludicrous. I had to admit though deep down I wanted to go. I had never done anything like this before. I was always the voice of reason or the wet blanket depending upon your point of view.

“Chicken.” She taunted me. Okay so now it is a dare! Well that changes everything!

That was all it took, I grabbed my shoes and stood up off of her sofa. “Come on then!” I ordered meeting her challenge. “Put the fire out and get your keys Kendell.” On that note I raced downstairs. As I waited for her I quickly checked my reflection in the side mirror. I looked good and my blue jeans and turtleneck should be fine for the trip. I ran my fingers through my short blonde locks quickly to make myself more presentable. Of course I was overlooking the fact that Allison had seen me all day long.

She met me at the car carrying a long wool coat, her digital camera and a flashlight. “Come on Kendell, daylight is burning.” I hollered after her. She laughed at me as she climbed into the car. “You will need a jacket.” She chastised me. “I am fine.” I argued as I climbed into the passenger seat. Along the drive to Salem I put a CD in. I knew her driving selections very well at this point. I selected an Aretha Franklin CD in hopes that Allison would lose herself as she drove and start to sing along. She did not disappoint me. Allison possessed a beautiful singing voice.

One of the reasons that I had become so familiar with the CD’s that Allison kept in her car was because when she would leave for the weekend she would leave me the keys to her precious Subaru. The reason was so that I could run errands for Mrs. Giavanni. But she also made it clear that I could take the car for whatever reason I needed it for. “Just don’t let Mrs. Giavanni go to the market by herself!” Some weeks this was the only conversation we exchanged. I was touched by her concern over our elderly landlady and her trust in me. The downside was that since I had access to a car I could have driven down to Rhode Island anytime I wanted to. I reasoned that I wasn’t avoiding seeing Peter I was just staying close so I could be there for Mrs. Giavanni.

Salem was a short twenty-minute drive away but twilight was approaching quickly. The traffic was insane. I did not think that it was possible but the drivers in downtown Salem were actually worse than those in Boston. The quaint streets, which twisted and turned for no apparent reason were jammed pack with people. “Tourist season.” Allison scoffed.

Allison drove like a woman on a mission. I thought I would like to come back someday and see some of the sights that were whizzing past us. She turned the car onto upper Essex Street and found a parking space in front of a white colonial style house. A sign at front informed me that it was the Ropes Mansion. “We are lucky.” Allison beamed. “Parking around here can actually be worse than downtown Boston. Especially this time of year.” As she locked up the car Allison informed me that the Ropes Mansion like many homes in Salem was rumored to be haunted. “Was she purposely trying to scare me?”

I chose to ignore her comments and endless ghost stories as we made our way down the cobble stone side walk. “This entire area was known as Flint’s pasture.” Allison explained as she pointed to the end of the street. “So what happened there? A mass murder?” I wondered as we continued our journey. “That big red house at the end was built in 1706. During the 1800’s it was part of the Underground Railroad. In the 1930’s it was a tea room and then at one point an inn.”

“And now?” I asked with enthusiasm grateful that there was no creepy tale connected to the story.

“Apartments. Filled mostly with college students.” Allison answered sadly.

“Is it haunted as well?” I teased.

“Of course.” Allison answered seriously. I was suddenly regretting that I had asked. “This is Salem, Stephanie. If you don’t have some kind of specter running loose in your abode the neighbors will talk.”

I ignored her attempts to frighten me as we made our way up the street. “Here we are.” Allison announced gleefully as we approached a large wrought iron gate. I looked at the padlock securely in place and grimaced. I looked through the bars at the tiny graveyard with its small headstones. The sight was strangely out of place on this residential street. Someone had kept up the lawn but it was painfully apparent that teenagers liked to hang out there as well. As I contemplated just how we were going to make our way into the graveyard I shivered from the cold.

Without a word Allison removed the long wool coat she was wearing. I looked at her questioning this action. She just shrugged her shoulders as she draped the camera around her neck and tucked the flashlight into the back pocket of her black jeans. “Would you like to go first?” She asked as she looked around. I adjusted the taller woman’s coat so I wouldn’t look like one of the seven dwarfs. “How?” I questioned her. My question was answered as she cupped her hands together and offered me a boost. “You are not serious?” I gasped thinking my companion had finally lost her mind.

“Come on.” She urged me. “Hurry before someone sees us.”

I do not know what came over me as I wrapped Allison’s coat around me and stepped into her waiting hands. I grabbed the gate as I felt her body lift me up. As I climbed up the gate I stopped only for a moment when I reached the top. I checked to make certain that I would not catch the large coat on anything. Then I jumped down with a thud wavering slightly upon my landing. I looked around the graveyard as a chill ran threw my body. This time it was not from the cold. Night was falling and this was not where I wanted to be. Allison made her way over the gate with ease. “You have done this before.” I commented. She simply gave me that who me? Expression. She smiled as she pulled the coat tighter around my body. Then she headed off to the far left hand corner of the graveyard. Two large elm trees shaded this section of the graveyard. Beneath the tree stood three gravestones side by side. Anna Moorehouse died 1872. Sarah Moorehouse died 1899. Haley Ballister beloved wife and mother born January 18, 1844 - died October 28, 1929.

“I am going to do these in black and white.” Allison said as began to take the pictures. “I think gravestones look better in black and white.”

“Haley died today.” I said as a shiver ran threw my body.

“I think I got some good shots here. But we can check them on the computer when we get home.” Allison answered as if she had not heard me. Then suddenly her eyes flew open as my words hit her. “What did you say?”

“October 28th.” I explained. “She died today.”

As the words escaped my mouth a branch above us snapped and fell to the ground in front of us. I jumped into Allison’s arms and she pulled me closer to her. Allison pulled the flashlight out of her pocket and looked around. “It got dark very fast.” I said with a shiver.

“Well you know … Fall in New England.” Allison said in a frightened tone. “Maybe we should go?”

“I think you are right.” I answered quickly pulling myself away from the comfort of her body. As we turned I grabbed Allison’s arm. “Jesus don’t do that!” She snapped as she jumped slightly. “I’m sorry.” She offered as she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Allison do you think that maybe Haley doesn’t want us to write this book?” I questioned pointing to the fallen tree branch.

“Well I am not waiting around to find out.” Allison asserted. “This is getting a little too creepy.”

“We should.” I said firmly. “We are about to reveal the most intimate details of these women’s lives. Maybe just maybe they don’t want us to that.”

“Okay.” Allison said slowly. “Go ahead.”

“What?”

“Go ahead and ask them.” Allison pushed.

“Me?”

“It was your idea.” Allison insisted.

I paused for a moment wondering if Allison had thought that I had lost my mind. But she reassured me with a smile and an encouraging nod of her head. I knelt before Haley and Eleanor’s graves. “Ladies is it all right with you that we do this?” I asked quietly. Allison and I listened to the eerie quiet. Nothing happened. “Well they didn’t say no.” I chuckled as I stood and rejoined Allison. “Now let’s get the hell out of here.” I added fearfully.

“Okay but I just want to move that branch off of their graves.” She explained as she handed me the flashlight. She pulled the heavy branch up easily and tossed it away. “What the?” She uttered in surprise. “Stephanie could you shine that light down here?”

“What is it?” I stammered as I shined the light to where she directed me.

Allison was pushing away at the soil between the headstones. “Look.” Was all she said as she pointed to the ground? “The branch must have dug it up.”

I looked down at the spot filled with both curiosity and fear. Then I saw it. A small rectangular stone engraved with two cherubs embracing and the word, “FOREVER” inscribed upon it. “Thank you.” Allison whispered quietly as she replaced the soil. We both knew that the marker was never meant to be seen. We both quietly accepted it as an encouraging sign as we made our departure. I climbed back over the gate first and was greeted by a very unhappy looking police officer. Allison failed to see him until she was landing onto the cobblestone sidewalk. “Ooops.” Was all she offered in her defense?

“Ladies.” The officer said sternly as he shined his flashlight in our eyes. “Do you mind telling me what you are doing here?”

“We can explain officer.” I stammered out.

“I see.” He said indigently.

“It is really quite simple officer.” Allison offered as she placed her hands gently on my shoulders.

“Allison?” He said with surprise.

She looked down at me in confusion and shrugged her shoulders. Then she peered more closely at him. Which was easier to do since he immediately extinguished his flashlight. Her eyes flew open and captured him in a big hug. “Roger!” She shouted happily. As they exchanged pleasantries I got the full story. Roger it would appear had once dated Allison’s sister. He asked how Nicole was doing and seemed relieved that she was on the wagon.

“So do you want to try and explain what it is your doing breaking into a graveyard?” Roger laughed.

“Research for a book we are working on. I have a couple of relatives buried back there. It was a last minute decision and I did not have time to get the key from the caretakers.” Allison explained.

“There is a key?” I whispered to her. She just shrugged her shoulders.

“Same old Allison.” Roger chuckled.

After Roger made his departure we both exploded into laughter. Without thinking we fell into each other’s arms and giggled uncontrollably. Suddenly I became acutely aware of the closeness of Allison’s body. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to run my hands up under the thick white fisherman’s sweater she was wearing. The laughter had ceased as we stood there holding each other. I could feel her breathing becoming labored. My body was awakened by the scent of her perfume. The sweet aroma of Opium that I had become all too aware of over the past few months. It was starting to become a problem for me. It had reached the point that if I smelled the perfume on anyone else I became aroused. One Saturday I had taken Mrs. Giavanni out shopping and I was sent running from Filene’s department store after passing the Yves Saint Laurent counter. “Try explaining that one to your sweet elderly Italian landlady!”

I could feel Allison’s body begin to shiver from my embrace. Suddenly all of Allison’s words and actions came flooding back to me. I felt that we were far too close at that moment. This time I was the one who broke away. In many ways Allison had been right about us and yet she was wrong as well. There was something about me that frightens Allison. I knew because of her past if we became intimate at this moment we would never have a future together. And it was at that moment that my head and heart finally connected. I wanted this woman for something more than the physical contact my body craved. If I were to hold this woman as a lover, I wanted her to be there the next morning and the morning after that.

Allison’s face reflected her surprise as I pulled away. Then she released a heavy sigh and smiled at me. My movement had been slow and natural. Her arm remained around my waist as we walked back to the car. This simple stroll was probably the most romantic of my life. “Hungry?” Allison smiled as she started the car.

“Yeah.” I smiled in return. “Since this is your neck of the woods why don’t you pick the place?”

“No problem.” Allison agreed. We drove back over to Derby Street and managed to find a parking space. I looked at over the ocean and inhaled the aroma of the autumn air. A beautiful fall evening with a lovely woman at my side, who could ask for anything more? Allison had decided upon Rockmore Dry Dock for dinner. The food was good but there was an added attraction as the restaurant granted a stunning view of the harbor. For just one evening all pretense between us had vanished. There was something about the romantic atmosphere that made me feel like I was on a date with Allison.

We drove home that evening singing along with the local oldies station. There was a sense of ease to our interaction that had been lacking for far too long. I knew that I had made the right decision when I backed away from Allison earlier. If I had kissed her at that moment, I am not certain that either of us would have possessed the strength to stop. And if Allison crossed the line she had vowed to maintain I probably would have lost her.

* * *

The following morning I was awakened to the sounds of Allison’s morning concert. I missed this on the weekends she was away. Aretha Franklin provided today’s musical accompaniment. I noted as I climbed out of bed it was the same CD we had listen to on the drive to Salem. I took this as a positive sign as I started to brew my coffee. I found myself singing along in the shower. I was feeling rather pleased with myself for my control last evening. “It finally looks as if Allison is starting to trust me.” My joy was short lived as I heard the music stop while I was drying myself. The silence was followed by the sounds of Allison’s footsteps descending the staircase and making their way out the front door. At that moment I mentally kicked myself for playing hands off last evening. It would appear that no matter what I did Allison was determined to fight me.

I spent the rest of my day teaching classes and trying to track down Allison. She never seemed to be around. After finishing her classes she went directly home. I never laid eyes on the woman the entire day. I felt as if I were losing my mind. Had I done something last night to bring this on? I thought back and could find nothing in my actions to invoke the new cold front I was now facing. There was no revelation to be found. I had simply relaxed and enjoyed myself. There was no overt touching, no strained moments, and certainly no flirting. At the end of the evening, Allison had invited me up for coffee. To which I politely declined not wanting to push my luck or my hormones. I had given Allison exactly what she had asked for simple friendship. “I can not win with you Allison! Perhaps Nicole is right and what you really need is to have that stick surgically removed?”

If Allison wanted space then fine I would give it to her. I stayed at the University late and worked at the library. It was after nine o’clock when I finally made my way home. Allison’s car was missing. I tried to busy myself with work on the book, but I quickly found it difficult to concentrate. I tried to watch television but nothing held my interest. Finally I gave up and went to bed. Despite all of my efforts I simply laid awake and stared at the ceiling wondering where Allison was?

It was well after three in the morning when I heard the front door close. I knew by the sound of the footsteps that it was Allison. I would know her gait anywhere. I even knew that she was wearing her old worn out pair of Zodiac boots. Normally if I heard her coming in I would greet her and invite her in for coffee. Something that I knew that she could never refuse. But at this late hour I knew how truly pathetic it would appear. “Maybe I could just pop into the hallway pretending that she woke me up?” I instantly scolded myself at the suggestion. It was then that I noticed that Allison’s footsteps had paused. She was still in the entryway just outside of my door. I jumped off of the futon and made my way over to the doorway. Before I could reach the handle I could hear her moving away and walking up the staircase to her apartment. I listened as she paced around in her apartment. Finally a familiar pattern emerged as she went over to the kitchen, then to the bathroom and finally to her bedroom. The sounds ceased and I knew that she was in bed for the evening. Only one of us slept that night.

By the time Allison’s morning concert began, (today it was Mozart) I had already watched the sunrise. Then I brewed a pot of coffee and showered and dressed quickly. Before the concert ended I was half way to the campus. There I was sitting alone in our office chewing on the end of a pencil. Everything seemed to be coming to a head. Peter would be arriving today. Allison would leave for New York this afternoon. For the first time Allison’s trips out of town was a blessing. I knew that I would be breaking up with Peter tonight.

I had just about chewed my pencil in half as I contemplated just how things might go with Peter. “Face it. This is going to suck!” I had already been making trips into Boston on my own after I had discovered the local gay bookstores. Once a woman had even approached me and began flirting. I found her attractive enough but still I politely declined. I was beginning a new life and yet I was still somehow trapped in my old existence. I recalled how strained Peter’s voice sounded the last time I spoke with him. He had been forced to cancel on the weekend of our anniversary. He had been thrown into a major project at the last moment. Secretly I had been relieved. But I could hear the disappointment in his voice when I refused to come down and see him. I explained that he had work to do and we could see each other soon. I knew that he wasn’t by any means an idiot. After all of this time he must suspect something. How could he not? After six years I had not made the slightest effort to see him in over two months.

When he called to make plans for this weekend he offered to take the day off and drive down last night. I had a difficult time of it but I finally convinced him not to do that. I wanted him to arrive after Allison’s departure. I had no intention of the two of them meeting each other. Somehow I doubted that I could survive the awkwardness of such a meeting. It was going to be difficult enough just facing him. I had to be strong and sit him down the moment he arrived and finally tell him everything. I wondered briefly if he would understand that this was just as painful for me as it would be for him. I was about to break the heart of my best friend. If only we had remained just that? Life would have been so different.

My mantra for the rest of the day was simple, “You need to strong. You need to do this. This is the only fair thing to do. Tell Peter!” Now all I had to do was actually see this through.

Near the end of the day Allison returned. She muttered “hello” before retreating to her side of the office. Not long after that Maureen popped her head into the office. “Anyone willing to baby sit tomorrow night?” She pleaded. “Mine just canceled. If I do not get a chance to go out with my husband I will go postal.”

“Sorry.” Allison answered her pleas.

“Not New York again!” Maureen groaned. “What about tonight?”

“Calm down.” Allison responded in a reassuring tone. “There is no way I am spending Halloween in New York. Tonight will be the same as every year.” As for tomorrow night I am going to the Galaxy.”

“Skip the Galaxy.” Maureen begged. “You can go there anytime. Come on do an old married woman a favor and watch my kids.”

“Watching your kids on a sugar high on Halloween night … a tempting offer but I have a date.” Allison offered in her own defense.

“Are you kidding?” Maureen asked in amazement as she looked at me. I think she could tell by my suddenly pale features that I was just as surprised as she was.

“I do date.” Allison resounded sharply.

“Since when?” Maureen asked again looking towards me for some sort of answer. I had none to offer. “Stephanie any chance you would be available?” She asked hopefully.

“I am sorry Maureen. But I have plans as well.” I answered bitterly.

“Well damn. Then I guess I will see you both tonight then.” Maureen said with disappointment.

Maureen left in a bit of a huff chasing after her next victim Grace. “Allison has a date! This is terrible!” I tried to calm myself reminding myself that I had no say over Allison’s personal life. Allison had repeatedly let me know that she was not an option. Deep down I knew that I could not really accept that. Suddenly it was all far too real. Even after tonight when I broke up with Peter I would still be a co-worker. This was still taboo for the all mighty Miss. Kendell. The Galaxy. I had heard of that place. It was a nightclub in Cambridge. It prides itself on catering to a diverse community. In addition to the gay clientele I had heard that they offered a fetish night as well. So Allison was going out dancing with another woman. If I was not mistaken from what I remember reading in the copy of IN News weekly that I had scanned one day at Glad Day Books, last night being Thursday would have been the gay night at The Galaxy. I may be a history professor but even I could do the math on that. Last night Allison went out and met someone and has a date with them tomorrow. “I knew I had taken a huge risk in waiting so long, but one day?”

I wonder what going on tonight? All day long I was not the only one searching for Allison. It seemed that everyone was looking for her. When I explained that she was out they smiled and replied with something about her getting ready for tonight and that they would see me tonight. “What the Hell is going on?” I hadn’t really focused on it since I had been wrapped with my concerns regarding Allison. But now even Maureen seemed to expect seeing me tonight. “Allison?” I called out to her through the partition. “What is going on tonight?”

“It is nothing really.” Allison answered quickly. “Just a little gathering. It happens every year on the night before Halloween.”

“I see.” I answered slowly. “Just a little gathering that the entire campus seemed to be talking about. The same little gathering that she never once mentioned to me!” At that moment Stan of all people popped his head into the office. “Allison?” He called to her in a surprisingly friendly manner. I was also surprised that he called her by her first name. Whenever Stan addressed her which was rarely he always called her Kendell. “Should I bring The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow?”

“Of course Stan. The little ones love it.” Allison replied warmly.

“Great!” He gushed. “The boys are really looking forward to coming.”

“Don’t forget your pumpkins.” Allison reminded him.

“Just one this year. I’m afraid that Richard feels that he is far too old for that.” Stan added sadly. “He is afraid. I was terrified! These two were talking like long lost friends. Normally if both were in the same building it was a good idea to lock up all sharp objects!”

“Well you know that some of the students like to do some tie dying in the upstairs’ kitchen. Perhaps he will enjoy that?” Allison added warmly.

“He might if he can do it in black. It is the only color his Mother and I can get him to wear these days.” Stan chuckled. “I will pick up some Tshirts on the way. Thank you for the suggestion Allison. I will see you both tonight.” Stan waved and left. “Had I just entered the twilight zone? Or maybe the pod people had finally taken over?”

“Stan is coming?” I blurted out not intending to voice my thoughts. Just then a young student whom I recognized popped her head into the office. “Same time this year Professor Kendell?” She asked brightly.

“Yes.” Allison answered uneasily. “Carla could you close the door on your way out?” The young African American woman smiled brightly and closed the door. As the door was closing Allison quickly approached my desk. “Stephanie.” She began cautiously. “I never invite anyone over for this.”

“I see.” I said bitterly.

“It’s the truth!” Allison responded with exasperation. “The first year I was teaching here, I told this outrageous ghost story in class. It is just something I like to do. Like the way I teased you in Salem. Well when class was over everyone wanted to hear more and tell some of their own spooky tales. I forget how it happened but everyone ended up at my apartment for an impromptu party. We decorated the porch and Mrs. Giavanni’s porch. We carved pumpkins and someone brought a horror movie. The whole thing just snowballed. Now every year on the night before Halloween people just show up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” I pushed. “This is a small campus Allison. Everyone knows where I live. I feel like an idiot, just when were you going to mention this? When a hundred some odd people showed up on our doorstep? You could have said something when we went to Salem!” I was beyond anger.

“I’m sorry.” Allison said defensively. “It … it’s just that …” Allison was stammering like an idiot. I was secretly pleased to see the shoe finally on the other foot.

“I know what it is Allison!” I said bitterly. “It is you and your stupid rules! If you and I have a good time together for more than five minutes you assume that I am going to jump your bones! You should be so lucky you arrogant …”

“Stephanie don’t!” She warned me harshly.

I was far too angry to listen to her warning. “Don’t what?” I growled at her. “Don’t call your bluff?” And there it was. I had called her on the carpet. We just stood there in silence. My blood was boiling even though I could see by the pained expression on her face that I had hurt her. I had not meant to hurt her. But I could not stand all of the games and the rules and the jumping threw hoops that she made me endure on a daily basis. I watched as those beautiful blue eyes started to close. “Don’t you dare shut me out again!” I shouted at her as I flew out from behind my desk and stood toe to toe with her. I had not intended to yell but I just could not stand her shutting down again.

Her eyes flew open at my assault and glared at me. “Fine. Come then.” She spat out coldly. Turning from me she stomped to her side of the office and gathered her things. Then she stormed over to the door and opened it. Just as she was about to leave she turned back to me and gave me a deadly glare. “Oh and Stephanie don’t forget to bring your boyfriend.” Her words sent a chill through me. At that moment I lost all sense of reality. My body shuddered and without even realizing it I snatched up the glass paperweight that was sitting on top of my desk and hurled it at her. Allison ducked as it shattered against the wall.

“Jesus Christ!” Allison shouted at me. I just stood there paralyzed by my actions. Never in my life had I ever lost control like that. “It is all right. I just dropped something.” Allison explained to someone in the hallway and then she closed the door. I just stood there staring blankly at the shattered remains. “Don’t you ever do that again.” Allison scolded me. “Stephanie?” She called to me and I could hear the alarm in her voice. I was still unable to move. “Stephanie?” She repeated.

Suddenly my breathing became erratic and the panic washed over me. “I never … ” I trembled as the tears began to flow. I was sobbing uncontrollably as I felt my knees begin to buckle. I was falling as I felt her arms wrap around me. She held me tightly. “Hold on.” She whispered gently. I was in a daze as she led me over to the couch. Allison rubbed my back soothingly. “I’m just going to clean up the mess. Okay?” I nodded numbly. Before I realized it Allison had returned to my side. Without thinking I wrapped myself in her arms and wept. She held me as I cried rubbing my back and whispering soft words.

I’d lost track of time as she held me. Finally my tears stopped. But Allison continued to hold me. “It is getting late we should go.” She said finally. I had no idea of how long we had been sitting there. I had never done anything like this before and it frightened me. Allison stood slowly and gathered our things. Then she held out her hand to me and helped me stand. Without a word she placed a comforting arm around my shoulders and led me to her car. We drove home in silence.

Upon arriving home I saw that our front porch as well as Mrs. Giavanni’s front porch was covered with people. There were pumpkins everywhere. Not to mention various ghosts, skeletons and a few Frankenstein’s to boot. The crowd consisted of students, faculty and many people I had never seen before. There was one tall figure with dark puppy dog eyes that stood out. He was busy helping string orange lights across the porch and laughing without a care in the world. “Is that him?” Allison asked quietly.

“Yes. It’s Peter.” I responded painfully.

“It’s going to be all right.” Allison said gently as she wiped an errant tear from my cheek.

“Liar.” I whispered. I inhaled deeply and braced myself as Allison gently caressed my thigh.

After taking several more deep breaths I steadied myself enough to exit the car. Peter ran over to me with a huge grin plastered upon his face. Allison walked past him without a second glance. Peter threw his arms around me and held me tightly. When he pulled back the smile left his face instantly. “Are you all right?” He asked.

“Fine.” I lied. “Just a bad day.”

“You can tell me all about it later.” He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. Before I could react he bent down and claimed my lips passionately. I stiffened as his tongue tried to enter my mouth. “Not now.” I murmured as I pulled away.

“It’s good to see you sweetheart.” He smiled hopefully.

I had felt nothing when he had kissed me. It was all true I had never felt any passion for this man. I looked up into those trusting brown eyes and quickly turned away. I was unable to face him due to the overwhelming guilt that engulfed me. As my eyes turned from him I found Allison staring at us. Her face was possessed an icy expression. Her eyes held mine briefly before turning away. “Okay everyone!” She said without missing a beat. “Now everyone knows the rules right?”

“Yes.” The crowd responded quickly.

“Okay then what are they?” Allison questioned them like a drill sergeant.

“There is hard cider and alcohol free cider.” A few voices volunteered.

“And who can drink the hard cider?” Allison drilled them.

“Anyone over twenty one.” The crowd answered.

“Excellent.” Allison smiled. “Now who is on key duty?”

“I am.” A voice answered.

“Good for you Walter.” Allison patted the boy on the shoulder. “Just remember no drinking and you must take everyone’s car keys as they enter the party and they can’t have them back if they are unable to drive. So what’s the movie tonight?”

“The Blair Witch Project.” Several voices answered.

“Good choice.” Allison answered as she smiled once again. “Just remember …”

“No one under seventeen in the living room while the movie is playing.” Someone answered.

“Okay!” Allison clapped her hands together. “The houses look great. I think this is the best decorating job yet. Now let’s get this crap upstairs and start this party.”

The crowd began to gather their belongings and made their way into the house. Someone called after Peter. He just waved to them as he continued to smile at me. “This is so much fun.” He exclaimed. “Your neighbor certainly knows how to have fun.”

“You have no idea.” I said absently.

“Let’s go then.” He beamed.

“Peter we have to …” I stammered.

“Come on Peter.” One coed called after him.

“I have to change.” I said quickly.

“I could help you.” He said playfully.

“No.” I shot out quickly. “I mean you go on ahead. Go join the party. I’ll see you upstairs.”

He quickly kissed me again and ran off to join the others. I made a mad dash into my apartment and slammed the door behind me. Mentally kicking myself was the first thing I did. “If only I had felt something when he kissed me! Why didn’t I just tell him everything right then and there? I panicked that’s why. Now it is too late. It is obvious that this party is going to go on all night. I could wait until tomorrow and tell him first thing in the morning. What about tonight? After all of this time I’m certain that Peter will expect us to sleep together. I’ll tell him when we leave the party. I just need to find an excuse to get him to leave. Now hurry up there and stop him from meeting Allison.”

As the last thought hit me I raced around grabbing a pair of worn blue jeans and a Yale sweater shirt and changed in record time. There was no way I was going to leave Peter with Allison. I raced upstairs and was greeted by Walter. He immediately asked for my car keys and then quickly apologized when he realized who I was. “I’m sorry Dr. Grant.” He blushed. “I guess you won’t be driving tonight.”

I just smiled and walked past him. The apartment was filled with people on both floors and more were entering as I began to search for Peter. I needed to pull him aside and get him downstairs. The thought of him and Allison talking suddenly bolstered my courage. I had to get him out of there and fast. I spotted his lanky frame sipping a bottle of cider. He seemed to be in a deep conversation with someone. I pushed my way through the crowd. My heart stopped when I saw just who it was Peter was talking to. Allison! She was just nodding and smiling. She looked over his shoulder and captured my gaze. She smiled sweetly enough but her eyes seemed to be pleading for help.

I made my way over to him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turned to me and smiled. “Hey honey I was just talking to …”

“Allison.” She informed him quickly.

“Peter we need to …” I began firmly.

“This is just great isn’t it?” He beamed.

“Yeah right.” Allison groaned and then quickly bit her lip and grimaced.

“I know that being alone would have been nice.” Peter continued oblivious to what was happening. “But I have been locked in my office for months. This party is just what I needed.” He gave me a quick peck on the lips and then took another swig of his cider. “Thank you darling this is a great surprise. Plus we have the rest of the weekend for just the two of us.” He winked at me playfully.

“Peter we need to …” I began once again.

“Hey the movie is about to start!” He informed us as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Come on. I’ll hold your hand during the scary parts.” He winked again.

“Great.” I groaned.

As Peter grabbed himself another cider from someone passing by he began to lead me over to the sofa. I felt a gentle tug on my arm. I turned to find Allison grinning at my like a Cheshire cat. “Drink?” She asked in a strained voice.

“Yes thank you.” I answered in relief. I pulled away from Peter and took Allison’s waiting hand. “Excuse us Peter. I’ll be right back.”

“Ah okay.” He responded in confusion.

Allison pulled me into the kitchen. I released her hand when we encountered yet another crowd of people waiting for us. “Where are they?” Allison grumbled as she searched her kitchen cabinets frantically. I made my way past the bottles of cider sitting in ice in the kitchen sink and went directly to Allison’s wine cabinet. In a brief moment I realized that I knew Allison’s kitchen better than I knew my own. I selected a Cabernet that I knew she liked. I immediately grabbed the cork screw from a draw and then retrieved two wine glasses. “Did you find them?” I asked impatiently.

“Bingo!” She squealed as she held up a fresh pack of cigarettes. I reached back into the draw where I found the cork screw and snatched up a book of matches and tossed them to Allison.

I peeked out through the kitchen door and spotted Peter chatting away with a group of people. He seemed so happy as the movie started. “He’s having a great time. ” I said sadly as I turned back to Allison. She frowned as she looked back at me.

“Now what?” She asked as looked at the people surrounding us. I stepped over to her and gently placed a hand on her hip. I leaned up and whispered, “My place.”

Without hesitation we pushed our way through the crowd and ducked outside to the back staircase located off of the kitchen. We crept downstairs to my apartment pausing once or twice to listen to the sounds of the party emanating from her apartment. I reached into my pocket and retrieved my keys and opened the back door. We stumbled threw the darkness and made our way over to the futon which I had left open this morning. I placed the wine and the other items I was carrying down carefully on the coffee table. “Can I have the matches for a moment? I don’t want to turn on the lights.” I explained. She handed me the matches and I lit the large three wicked candle I kept on the coffee table and returned the matches to her.

Allison lit herself a cigarette. “Light one for me.” I said as I opened the bottle of wine. Allison handed me the cigarette she was smoking and lit another for herself. I took a deep drag and went in search for something I could use as an ashtray. I settled on a small plate, which I placed on the table. I placed the spent matches in the plate as Allison poured the wine and handed me a glass. “You’ll have to excuse the mess.” I apologized as I settled down next to her. “I had been planning on cleaning up for Peter’s visit. Then I thought that he wouldn’t be staying so why bother.”

“No chance of that now.” Allison groaned. “He’s having a grand old time.”

“I know.” I sighed in desperation.

“How weird is this?”

“Oh this?” I laughed. “Let’s see my boyfriend of the past six years who I’ve been avoiding for the past couple of months is upstairs in your apartment. While I’m hiding down here with the woman I made a pass at.”

“So, nothing out of the ordinary?” Allison teased.

“No not at all.” I laughed. “Considering a few hours ago I was throwing things at you.”

“Are you as sick of rehashing the boundaries of our friendship as I am?” Allison asked seriously.

“No. I was yelling and throwing things at you because I think that everything is just peachy between us.”

“Stephanie.” Allison began slowly. “I want to make something clear.” I simply groaned at her comment.

“Stop.” I said finally as I took another drag off of my smoke.

“Wait.” She said as she extinguished her cigarette. “I just want you to know … well … I …”

“What?” I snapped impatiently waiting for yet another lecture on how we could never be more than friends.

“Stephanie. It’s just that you seem to be under the impression that I am not attracted to you.” Allison blurted out. “If that was the case trust me the last few months would’ve been a hell of a lot easier on the both of us.”

“So you’re attracted to me?”

“Jesus, Stephanie.” Allison rolled her eyes. “Haven’t you ever looked in a mirror?”

As I looked at her in the candle light her face glowed. I’d never wanted anyone more than I wanted her. As her deep blue eyes captured mine I could see that her passion mirrored my own. I broke away from her gaze and put out my cigarette. “I know that I’ve been putting off breaking up with Peter.” I tried to explain my reluctance. “It’s just that there was our anniversary and now his birthday is coming up.”

“There is never going to be a good time to break his heart.” Allison said softly as she gently rubbed my arm. “No matter what you say or when you say it he’s going to be hurt.”

“I know.” I admitted as I leaned into her touch. “I just wish there was someway I could avoid hurting him.”

“Then stay with him.” Allison said bluntly.

“I can’t.” I sighed as I curled up against her. “Now that I know what I want. I have to let him go. It’s the right thing to do.”

We sat there silently sipping our wine each lost in our own thoughts. I placed my glass on the table and leaned back into Allison’s body. My hand absently tracing a pattern across her white cotton blouse. I could feel the taunt muscles of her abdomen through the material. She kissed me gently on the top of my head. Then she sat up and placed her glass on the table next to mine. For a brief moment I thought she was going to leave. Instead she leaned into me and caressed my face gently. It was all the encouragement I needed. I slipped my hand over her broad shoulders and tenderly ran them down the front of her blouse. I gasped as I felt her nipples harden from my touch.

My heart was racing as she lowered her head and captured my lips. I kissed her gently in reply. She leaned away slightly. I reached up and laced my fingers in her raven hair and pulled her towards me. Her lips were so soft and inviting. I felt as if I could lose myself within her or die trying. I felt her tongue teasing my bottom lip. Eagerly I opened my lips and invited her in. The sensation of her explorations was overwhelming. I lost all sense of reason. I simply wanted more. I pressed my body into hers as my fingers began exploring the front of her blouse. I unbuttoned her shirt as I felt her powerful hands pressing against my back drawing me closer to her. With the last of the buttons freed my hands took control feeling the taut skin of her abdomen.

Our lips parted as the need to breath over took us. I began to kiss her cheek and then my tongue trailed down her neck. She moaned as I began to suck on her neck feeling her heat beneath my lips. I felt her hands beneath my sweatshirt. I was trembling as her hands freely explored my body. I needed her more than I needed to breath. I pushed her down so that she was now lying beneath me. I straddled her hips and began a slow and steady rhythm as I grinded myself into her. I cupped her breast molding it into my hand. I lift my head and began to nibble on her earlobe. I heard her gasp as my tongue found it’s way into her ear. “Is this what you want?” I growled in a voice that I did not recognize. “Yes!” She moaned deeply as she clutched my backside and pressed our hips together.

The steady rhythm of our bodies crashing together was driving me over the edge. Unable to contain my desire I reached down and lowered the silk of her bra, exposing the breast that I had been caressing. The sight of that beautiful mound shimmering in the candle light with her rose colored nipple erect forced me to ride harder against her. My body was throbbing. I bent my head down and allowed my tongue to circle her nipple. Her body arched in response as she pushed herself closer to me. Fueled on by her response I captured her nipple in my mouth and began to suckle it greedily. I was lost in her. The taste of her skin, the feel of her hands exploring my body was driving me insane.

My pulse was racing as pressed my center against hers. My body was reacting of it’s own will. I tore my mouth from her breast. She groaned in disappointment. I raised my body from hers while still straddling her hips. I could not contain my desire any longer as my hands franticly began to unbutton her jeans. I could feel her hands working the zipper of my jeans as I began to tug hers off of her hips. She mirrored my actions. I lowered my wetness to hers and I held her passionate gaze. I pressed the length of my body against hers as she opened herself wider and invited me in. “So wet.” She whispered hotly in my ear.

“Allison.” My voice trembled as our clits rocked together. “Yeess.” She hissed as her hands firmly clutched my bottom driving further into her. “Take me.” I pleaded. She responded by flipping me over and capturing my mouth in a searing kiss. I felt her thigh slide between my legs. I eagerly accepted her offer and began to thrust against her firm thigh. I didn’t hear it at first. Perhaps I had assumed it was the beating of my heart. More likely I was far too wrapped in making love to this beautiful woman. But the pounding grew more insistent. I felt Allison’s body tense as her movements halted. I looked up at the stricken look on her face and willed my own body to cease its movements. That is when I realized what had caused her to stop.

Someone was knocking on the door. “Stephanie?” He called out. “Peter.” I whispered in shock as Allison and I remained frozen. We remained frozen for what seemed like an eternity until we heard his footsteps walking away. I raised my hand to my mouth to stifle the sob that threaten to escape. Allison pulled away from me and laid beside me as I tried to calm myself. I could feel her body rise up off the futon as she began to fix her clothing. “Come on.” She whispered gently as she bent down and caressed my cheek. “You don’t want him to find out this way.”

“I’m sorry.” I sobbed quietly as I pulled my jeans back up.

“I’m not.”

“Liar.” I sniffed as I accepted her hand and she assisted me up off of the futon.

“You’re right.” Allison sighed. “Let’s just go back upstairs. He will never know.” She insisted as she began to gather up the wine glasses and cigarettes. She walked over to the back door and turned to me. “You should fix your bra before you go back up.” Having said that she departed my apartment. I felt my sweatshirt and blushed when I realized that she had somehow managed to undo my bra without my knowledge. Quickly I rehooked the garment and tidied up the apartment and made my up back up to Allison’s apartment.

Upon reentering Allison’s apartment I was greeted by a very drunken Peter. Allison was nowhere to be seen. “There you are.” Peter slurred. “I needed some fresh air.” I lied as I gave him a worried glance. “Peter did you eat today?” I questioned him in a motherly fashion. He just shook his no. “I think that maybe we should put you to bed.” I said tenderly.

“I’ve been waiting two months to hear you say that.” He smirked as he slumped his arm around my shoulders. I wanted to cry as I led him threw the crowd and out the front door. As I went to close the door behind us I caught a glimpse of Allison among the crowd. My heart broke as I caught the darken expression on her face.

Somehow I managed to get Peter downstairs. No easy task since his hands began to wander. Taking his suit off prove to be no problem since he was more than eager to undress for me. Getting him to go to bed became a test of wills. He kept trying to grab me for a kiss. It was a struggle but finally I got him tucked into the futon where he quickly passed out. I had never seen him so drunk before. It broke my heart when he was trying to kiss me. “I love you so much Stephanie.” He kept repeating. As he snored in his drunken slumber I sat on the edge of the futon and finally released the tears that I’d been fighting since I heard him knocking on the apartment door.

I ended spending the night in the beat up armchair in the corner of the apartment. I cried until my body had nothing left to offer. Peter did not move an inch all night long. I could have easily crawled into bed with him and tried to sleep as well, but I felt that I had betrayed him enough for one evening. As the sun began to emerged I lifted myself out of the armchair. My body ached from sitting there all night. I dragged myself into the shower and tried to loose myself under the steam.

After I had showered and dressed I waited and waited for Peter to wake up. The waiting was driving me insane. Finally I gave up and brewed a pot of coffee as I debated on sneaking back upstairs to see if Allison was awake yet. As the coffee was just finishing to spit out the last few drops of caffeine, I heard Allison moving around upstairs. Since Peter showed no signs of life I decided to wait until Allison finished her shower and was dressed. I needed to see her. To be with her. I needed to explain just what last night had meant to me. What she means to me. It was time to tell her everything. “I’m in love with her. Last night wasn’t just physical. Although the physical was pretty damn nice!”

Right on cue I was jolted out of my thoughts by the blaring sound of Allison’s morning concert. “Melissa. Not a good sign. She is playing the same CD as the last time something like this happened.”

“What the hell is that?” Peter bellowed as he pulled the bed covers over his head.

“Allison.” I answered simply.

“Does she do that every morning?” He groaned.

“Yes.”

“God how do you put up with it?” He groaned again finally peeking out from under the covers. I just shrugged in response. “Is that coffee I smell?”

“Yes.” I answered quickly as I pour us each a cup. I began to search for some sugar for his coffee. I gasped as I realized that I hadn’t bother to buy any for him. “I’m sorry Peter. I seem to be out of sugar.” I apologized.

“That’s okay.” He smiled as he sat up slightly and scratched his head. He wrapped the blanket around himself and stumbled into the kitchen. “Man I feel like someone scotch taped my tongue.” He bent down and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before taking the cup I offered to him. “When did you start drinking your coffee black?” He asked innocently.

I just shrugged once again not trusting myself to speak. I was no fool I knew he knew that I hadn’t bothered to buy sugar for his coffee. It was such a small thing. But it spoke volumes. “Peter we have to …” I began to say.

“Stephanie.” He cut me off. “I’m so sorry about last night. I hate getting drunk. I should have eaten something. I don’t know what I was thinking. But I’m going to make it up to you. Let me hop in the shower and then I will take you to breakfast.” He kissed me gently on the cheek and asked if I could grab his bag from the car. I nodded mutely as he made his way into the bathroom.

I went outside in the crisp morning air and retrieved Peter’s bag. As I pulled the bag out of the car I found myself repeating, “Just like kicking a puppy.” As I stepped up onto the porch a very young woman startled me. She seemed to be checking the names on the doorbells. “Can I help you?” I questioned her sternly.

“Hi.” She beamed. “I was just looking for Allison Kendell.”

“Uh huh.” I muttered. “Come on in. “

As we stepped into the foyer I sized her up quickly. She was young and very attractive with long chestnut hair. She was also very skinny and seemed to possess a bubbly personality. I hated her immediately. Just as I was about to grill her about just what the hell was she doing on my front porch, my apartment door swung open revealing Peter wrapped in just a towel. “Ooops.” He said quickly as his face turned a deep shade of red.

“Sorry.” The youngster chuckled.

I was just about to hand Peter his bag when I spotted Allison descending the staircase carrying two large trash bags. She looked past the youngster to Peter and then to me. The was no mistaking the cold look in her eyes. She looked betrayed. I gaped back up at her helplessly. Finally she noticed the youngster.

“Courtney?” She blurted out. “Courtney. God even her name was cute. Now I know I hated her. She was just so young and perky I could just throw up.”

“Hey there.” Courtney giggled.

“I was just about to call you.” Allison said quickly.

“I know that I’m early but it’s a beautiful morning and I couldn’t wait to see you.” Courtney explained. “There’s suppose to be this great place around the corner for breakfast.”

“The Java House?” Allison and I responded in unison.

“Yeah that’s it.” Courtney nodded enthusiastically. “Hey why don’t you two join us?”

“Sounds great.” Peter chimed in. “We were just going to grab a bite. I’m Peter by the way.”

“Courtney.” She extended her hand then withdrew realizing that Peter needed to keep his towel in place. “Ooops.” She giggled. I just rolled my eyes as I glared at Allison who now seemed to taking a sudden interest in the wallpaper.

“Peter I don’t think …” I began to explain.

“Come on sweetie I’m dying to get to know your new friends.” He explained. I just stared at him blankly. “Good it’s settled then.” He gushed. “Ah Stephanie could I have my clothes now?”

I tossed the bag at him as I glared at Allison with a pleading look. She just stood there with her jaw hanging open. Somehow Peter managed to catch the bag and keep his towel place. He muttered thanks and retreated into the apartment. “Do you need help with those?” Courtney asked motioning to the trash bags in Allison’s hands. “I’ll help her.” I snapped quickly as I grabbed one of the bags and dragged Allison away by the arm. We went around back leaving a stunned Courtney in the foyer. Without a word we deposited the bags in the barrels. “What the hell just happened in there?” Allison said wildly.

“Well it seems that we are going on a double date.” I snarled.

“No.” Allison said firmly while shaking her head.

“Yes.” I hissed.

“No.” She repeated more strongly.

“Then what are we suppose to do?” I pleaded with her. “Tell me. I’ll do it.”

I could see the wheels turning in Allison’s head finally she released a groan. “There’s nothing we can do. We have to go.” She conceded. “This sucks. I was just about to call her and cancel. Who knew she would show up eight hours early for our date? Who does that?”

“Children.” I answered bitterly.

“Hey!” Allison snapped.

“Oh come on.” I snapped back. “How old is she?”

“Old enough.” Allison snarled.

“For what?” I hissed. Allison just arched her eyebrow in defense. “I see.” I responded coldly. We just stood there like a couple of idiots shivering in the cold. I had enough this was ridiculous. “I didn’t sleep with him last night.” I explained quietly.

“Was I that transparent?” She asked with a half smile.

“Yes.” I answered her gently but honestly. “I suppose seeing him standing there half naked didn’t like very good?”

“My fault.” She volunteered. “I was just thrown by it.”

“He passed out.” I explained. “I just sat up all night crying. I thought about coming upstairs. But I was afraid that we might … you know.”

“Sleep together.” Allison stated simply.

“Yes.” I confessed with a blush. “But with him downstairs. I know that I need to end things with him. You’re right about that.”

“If he ever gives you the chance.” Allison said sharply.

“What do you mean?”

“Stephanie I must have watched you try to get him out of the party at least twenty times.” Allison explained. “You start by saying Peter we need to … and then he stops you. He knows.”

“About us?” I gasped. Not realizing what I was implying.

“I don’t think so.” Allison answered with a shake of her head. “But he knows something is up. Face it no good conversation starts with we need to talk. I think he knows that you are leaving him and he is doing everything he can to prevent you from finishing that sentence.”

“What do we do now?” I pleaded with her.

“I guess we go to breakfast.” Allison responded grimly.

“This should be fun.” I tried to joke. “Just like having my teeth drilled. Fine we’ll eat and then I’ll bring Peter back here and sit him down and tell him the truth. I can’t put this off any longer.”

“Tell me something?” Allison started.

“It’s because I don’t love him and because I’m gay.” I stated with confidence.

“That’s not what I was going to ask you.” Allison said. “I just wanted to know what we did wrong in a past life to be going through all of this now?”

“I’m not certain but I get the distinct impression that there were matches involved.” I teased. “Your turn.”

“What?”

“Just when and how did you undo my bra last night?” I said with a blush. “If you hadn’t told me I would have walked into the party with the girls exposed.” Allison simply wiggled her eyebrows in response. “Whatever.” I scoffed.

“So do you think that if we just hide out here long enough they will just go away?” Allison asked in an almost serious tone.

“Not a chance.” I sighed.

We waited for a few more moments before the cold became unbearable. Reluctantly we returned to the house. Just as I had predicted we found Peter and Courtney eagerly awaiting us. Allison and I each retrieved our coats and rejoined our dates in the foyer. “I can not wait to see the rest of this house!” Courtney purred in Allison’s ear as she took her by the arm and led her out the front door. I swear if Peter had not took my hand and led me outside I would have kicked the youngster in the head. “So are the two of you related?” Courtney asked as she looked at Peter and I.

“No.” Peter laughed. “Well not yet. Stephanie is my girlfriend.” He beamed as he gripped my hand tighter.

“Really?” Courtney answered as she cast a curious glance my direction. “Oh yeah you know.” I thought as I shot her an angry glare. She responded with a weak smile that reeked of pity as she tried to drape her arm around Allison. The taller woman simply ducked away brushing off the young girl’s advances. “Huh? I wonder if anyone would notice if I pushed Courtney out into traffic? Oh stop it! Just a quick breakfast and then this nightmare will be over.” I scolded myself.

Upon reaching the Java House we found it crowded even at this early hour. We were forced to wait outside in the cold for a table. Courtney and Peter chattered away while Allison and I simply pretended to listen. Finally we were seated in a booth at the back of the restaurant. “Professor Kendell, Dr. Grant I haven’t seen you two ladies in awhile.” Betty our favorite waitress greeted us casting a confused look at Courtney snuggled up to Allison. Then she cast another confused glance over at Peter sitting next to myself.

Allison and I quickly requested a round mimosas and a pot of the house coffee. I looked over at Peter’s strange expression. I proceeded to order omelets for Peter and myself since he had grown strangely quiet upon Betty’s arrival. Allison and Junior followed suit each ordering cheese and mushroom omelets. I fought the gnawing at my stomach when Courtney decided to have whatever Allison was having. Allison just rolled her eyes at me. Betty returned quickly with our beverages. “Perhaps this will help my hangover.” Peter joked as he sipped his mimosa.

Betty returned to the table placing an ashtray between Allison and I. “I almost forgot ladies.” She apologized as Peter and Courtney’s eyes widen in shock. Granted Allison’s smoking had been reduced greatly. But when ever we took advantage of dining at the Java House we both indulged in smoking. Probably since it was one of the few remain places you could light up without being arrested. Without thinking I accepted the cigarette Allison offered me. “Stephanie!” Peter yelped. I quickly handed the cigarette back to Allison not wanting to explain the familiar exchange between Allison and myself.

“I didn’t know that you smoked?” Courtney asked in disgust.

“I’m trying to quit.” Allison grumbled weakly as she reluctantly returned the pack to the pocket of her camel hair over coat.

“So what’s up Pete?” Allison asked tersely. “You’ve become awfully quiet all of sudden.” Her shortening of his name did not escape my notice. Nor did escape my notice that Courtney was climbing all over her.

“I’m just putting something together.” He answered absently as my body stiffened. “Allison Kendell?” He said slowly.

“Yes?” She responded with a warning tone.

“The Allison Kendell?” His voice squeaked out. I felt him grip my hand tighter as I held my breath.

“I hope so I’m wearing her underwear.” Allison shot back.

“The lawyer?” Peter asked sternly. I released my breath in relief. Suddenly I realized what was going on.

“Peter.” I said to him as I gave him a look that I had hoped he would understand and not continue.

“I thought you taught history?” Courtney asked in confusion.

“I do.” Allison protested. She looked at me for help.

“Peter it was a long time ago.” I said quietly to him. I was hoping to calm him down. I remember how upset he was after my first encounter with Allison. I remember how he tried to cheer me up. One of the ways he accomplished his mission was to refer to Allison in not very nice terms. I found it hard to believe that he was just putting this together now? I had time admit sometimes his timing just sucked.

“What?” Allison questioned me holding up her hands in confusion.

“Lawyer Barbie.” I offered as an explanation.

“Great.” Allison groaned. “Just what did I do to you?”

“I’ll tell you what you did.” Peter shot out in anger.

“Peter.” I stopped him. “Let it go.” I warned him.

“Enough.” Allison cut in. “Yes it’s true I am that Allison Kendell. I was the lawyer from Wainwright and Griggs who made your girl … who made Stephanie cry. Not that it is any of your concern Pete, but I have already apologized for what I did. I wasn’t a very nice person back then.”

“None of my business.” Peter shot back in a protective manner.

“Jesus Peter why don’t you just mark your territory?” I thought as I watched the two of them try to stare each other down. “Peter it is in the past. Allison and I have already talked about this. She is my colleague and my friend.” I watched him hang his head in sudden embarrassment. He looked like a child who was being punished. He looked up at me with pleading eyes. “Oh boy.” I heard Allison sigh as she poured herself another cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry Allison.” Peter offered. “I just remember how much Stephanie had been hurt at the time. Forgive me?”

“No worries.” Allison muttered as she shrugged nonchalantly.

“So are you a lawyer or a history professor? Courtney asked in confusion.

“I am a history professor.” Allison tried to explain. “I was a lawyer. Can we drop this now?” Allison groaned.

“You were with Wainwright and Griggs? That is so funny.” Courtney giggled.

“Hysterical.” Allison responded flatly. “Just keep going little Courtney and maybe Allison will dump your perky ass before the check arrives?” I couldn’t help but smirk as the thought popped into my head.

“Kind of of yeah.” Courtney giggled once again. “Wainwright and Griggs are the reason I went to Law School.”

“You’re a lawyer!” Allison choked as she spit out her coffee, which managed to just miss hitting Peter.

“Not yet.” Courtney volunteered. “I just graduated from Harvard I still need to pass the bar. But it was the firm of Wainwright and Griggs that inspired me to get into law in the first place.” “Oh this is to good to be true.”

“Please tell me you are joking?” Allison pleaded.

“No.” Courtney boasted proudly. “Those bastards took every cent my Grandparents had. I decided to become a lawyer to make sure that didn’t happen to someone else.”

“Thank God.” Allison sighed as Betty arrived with our food.

Eager to avoid any more conversations or confrontations Allison and I ate quickly while Peter and Courtney chatted away like old friends. Occasionally one of us would answer a question or nod in agreement. I had no idea what they were talking about; I was simply relieved that the meal was almost over. As our dates continued chatting Allison and I drained the pot of coffee. Betty brought another round of mimosas that I have no idea who ordered. Allison reached for her coffee and Courtney reached for the inside of Allison’s thigh. I have no idea what came over me at that moment. Hell I know what overcame me. I was jealous! Without a second thought I made a sweeping motion with my arm like I was reaching for something. My aim was dead on. Courtney’s mimosa landed directly in her lap.

Courtney yelped as she jumped up in surprise. “I’m so sorry.” I lied as I suppressed my laughter at the sight of her orange stained crotch. I mentally high fived myself as I thought about how cold the drink was. “It’s okay.” Courtney muttered as she raced off to the ladies room. I was greeted by a disbelieving look from Allison. “Ooops.” I offered in my defense. Allison simply curled her lips and shook her head. Betty rushed over and quickly cleaned up the mess with Allison’s assistance. “Thank you Betty.” Allison offered. “It seams that Dr. Grant has lost control of her senses. ” She shot me another angry look. I simply shrugged off her accusation. “Could we have the check when you have a chance?”

Courtney rejoined us with a smile and a very wet pair of jeans. “Oh Cory that looks terrible.” I gasped trying not to sound condescending. “I am so sorry.” I lied once again.

“Courtney.” The youngster growled and then quickly smiled. “Not a problem accidents happen. I have another pair of jeans in my car.” She added as she began to caress Allison’s arm. “I can change at your place before we go.” She smiled to Allison. “She brought a change of clothes?”

“Go?” Allison and I said in unison.

“Weren’t the two of you paying attention?” Peter asked as the check arrived.

“Of course.” Allison lied.

“We better hurry if we are going to beat the traffic.” Courtney rubbed Allison’s shoulders. Allison just flashed a warning look at me. “Unless you don’t want to go to Salem? We could just stay in?” Courtney purred.

“No.” Allison said quickly as she pulled away from Courtney’s touch. “Salem at Halloween sounds like fun.” She looked to me for help. “No way stretch you are on your own.” I just smirked at her and received another glare. “Perhaps you and Pete would rather be alone?” Allison suggested.

“We have all day tomorrow for that.” Peter offered with a smile.

“That’s right.” I replied quickly.

Peter paid the check against our protesting. The four of us left the restaurant and Allison quickly pulled me aside and motioned for our dates to go on without us. “What in hell are you thinking?” She spat out once we were alone.

“If you think I’m going to leave alone with Lolita there … you are sadly mistaken.” I responded bitterly.

“What’s it to you?” Allison scoffed. “I’m not your girlfriend.”

“No you’re right you are not my girlfriend.” I shot back. “I’m not anyone’s girlfriend.”

“Well that will be news to Pete.” She snarled.

“His name is Peter.” I argued. “And I’m going to tell him the truth.”

“When?” Allison groaned. “After you the two of you are married and have twelve children?”

“Today!” I shouted as I closed the distance between and poked her in the chest. “I’ll tell him everything today.”

“Do what you want.” She shot back as she pressed against me.

“Fine I will.” I spat back. “Shouldn’t you get back to your date before her curfew kicks in?”

“Very clever.” Allison sneered as I pulled her hips into my body. “It’s none of your business.” She groaned pushing herself into me.

“You’re right it’s none of my business.” I gasped as my body moved against her. “Do what you want. Date her. Fuck her for all I care.”

It was the harshness of my own words that brought me back reality. There I was pressed up against the brick wall of the Java House practically having sex with Allison in the middle of the street. I was about to pull away as I felt her strong thigh slide between my legs. I clutched her hips and thrust my hips against her. All I wanted to do at that moment was to ride her thigh until I found the release that I so desperately needed. “Does he make you feel this way?” A cruel voice whispered hotly in my ear. That was it. I pushed her away and stomped off fighting back the tears. I could feel her presences following me as I walked back to the house. “Hey there you two are.” Peter called out as we approached. They were smiling and waving as they stood next Courtney’s aging Volvo. Courtney had already changed into a fresh pair of blue jeans and was holding the car door open. Peter took my hand and before I realized it I was sitting in the back seat with him. Allison climbed into the front passenger seat and slammed the door.

The trip was long and strenuous. Peter and Courtney chatted away at every stop we made. Allison hid behind her dark Rayban sunglasses and we kept our distance. I could feel her anger emanating from her. I simply grinded my teeth and stewed in my own anger. Now was not the time to have my little chat with Peter. But I did try repeatedly to get him alone so we could talk. Allison was right. Peter did everything he could to avoid being alone with me. He was however determined to show me a good time. He had taken my hand on the drive up and refused to release it during the entire outing. I noticed several woman eyeing him. I silently wished that he would notice them.

The hour grew late and Allison wanted return before dark so she could hand out candy to the neighborhood children. We drove back I could feel the tension growing as we approached our house. Allison and Courtney left us. They had plans to hand out candy then they were going dancing. Peter and I would finally be alone and I could sit him down. Upon entering the apartment he excused himself to the bathroom. This was it! I sat down on the futon and waited for him. I was confused when I awoke several hours later covered in a blanket. The emotional turmoil and lack of sleep must have caught up with me. “Come on Sweetheart.” Peter said gently. “I thought we could go dancing tonight.”

Still half asleep I nodded mutely and made my way to the shower. I showered and dressed on autopilot. It wasn’t until we were heading out the front door that it hit me. I was going out with Peter! “How did that happen?” During the trip into Cambridge I made several valiant efforts to talk to him. But he kept changing the subject. He was very excited about the place we were going. He had arranged to meet a friend of his. Bob something or other was meeting us. So much for being alone. “I can’t wait for you to meet Bob.” Peter chimed as we walked from the parking garage on Green Street. I saw the black building and the crowd waiting to show their ids so they could enter. “There’s Bob.” Peter waved excitedly to his friend.

Bob was a well built tanned blonde surfer type. He talking to or at least was trying to talk to a familiar raven-haired beauty. “Wow for a second I thought that was Allison.” Peter gasped. “Close.” I replied noticing the similar features. The same infectious laugh and cocky stance. The only noticeable difference was the height and the brown eyes. We approached the pair as Bob waved us over. Startled brown eyes smiled at me warmly. “Hey Blondie.” Nicole greeted me with a warm embrace. “You know each other?” Bob ranted. “Wow that is great.” Nicole simply rolled her eyes. “Hi I’m Bob.” He beamed as he offered his clammy paw to me for a luke warm embrace. “Stephanie.” I replied causally.

“So now that you have met my friends maybe you will let me buy you that drink?” Bob persisted.

Nicole shot her elbow back and connected with his rib cage. Bob gasped for air. “I told you before buddy, I don’t drink.” Nicole growled. “I see that the Kendell charm is in full swing.” I joked.

“Speaking of charm where is the Amazon?” Nicole inquired. “Don’t tell me she made you wait in line by yourself. I’m going to have to teach that girl some manners.”

“Date.” I said flatly. “She is on a date.” I explained further to Nicole’s confused gaze.

“I see.” Nicole scowled. Then I watched her eyes widen as she caught Peter’s eye. “Well Hi there. I’m Nicole.” She offered her hand to him.

“Peter.” He squeaked as he draped his arm around my shoulders. Another curious look swept across the younger Kendell’s face. “I’m Stephanie’s boyfriend.”

“Uh huh.” Nicole responded with a sudden indifference.

“So are you related to Allison?” Peter asked uncomfortably.

“Yes. She is my older and seriously misguided sister.” She answered wryly and winked at me. “So what brings you kids to the Galaxy?”

“The Galaxy?” I gasped. Damn it! This is where Allison was coming tonight.

The doorman requested our id’s as he simply waved Nicole in. She took my hand and led me in the doorway. “She’s with me.” She explained leaving Peter and Bob dumbfounded. The doorman simply stamped our hands without question. We walked in and Nicole waved to the cashier who simply waved us in. “You don’t pay?” I questioned.

“No back when I was drinking I think I dropped my entire trust fund here.” Nicole explained. “So Peter’s cute.” She smiled.

“You want him?” I offered hopefully. Looking over at the red neon sign with the words The Galaxy emblazed across it. “I can’t believe he brought me here? This is where your sister is coming.”

“This should be fun.” Nicole groaned.

“Fun it is then.” Bob offered.

“Listen Bubba …” Nicole scoffed.

“Bob.” He retorted not getting the hint.

“Whatever.” Nicole snarled then she leaned over and whispered to me. “This jerk has been hitting on me since I got in line.”

“Hey Nicole.” A voice called out.

“Sorry that’s my friends.” She apologized waving back a group of people. “I hate to ditch you but we are all from the program. We kind of like to keep an eye on each other in places like this.” With that she gave me a quick hug and waved to Peter before joining her friends.

Left alone with Bob and Peter I looked around the expansive nightclub. I was impressed. To my left was a room with a large dance floor. The lights pulsated to the music as two disco balls glimmered above the sea of bodies dancing to YMCA. I could not help but notice the diversity of the crowd. There were many people donned in Halloween costumes for the festivities. Others were clad in traditional Goth or PVC. While many people were dressed in blue jeans and Tshirts. There were men and women dancing together, men and men dancing together and women and women dancing together. No one seemed to mind the differences of the people they shared the dance floor with.

The large dance room had three full bars open. I watched in amazement as the bartenders moved with grace and ease even though they were swarmed with customers. “How can they hear anything?” I wondered aloud.

“Most of the bartenders have been here for years.” Bob explained. “I still don’t know how they do it. Most of them are hard of hearing. Just be sure they can see your stamp when you order.”

“Why?” Peter asked as we both examined the black stamp of Elroy from the Jetsons placed on the back of our left hands.

“It let’s the bartender know that you are over twenty one.” Bob answered. “See the kids with the large black X’s on both hands. They are under age. Their first stop is usually downstairs to wash off the marks in the bathroom. But the bartenders won’t serve them unless they see a stamp. It’s Massachusetts and the laws are very strict.”

Just as Bob finished his explanation I looked over to my right. This room was decorated as a lounge area with a long bar cover the length of the back wall. The room had velvet couch and several arm chairs. There was also two old time video games and a pool table. The bartender was a tall African American man standing there with his hands placed firmly on his hips. “Listen sweetie no stamp mean no cocktail.” He explained impatiently. “Now if you are old enough you will haul your pretty ass back over to security and get a stamp.” The youngster just slumped away.

I chuckled at the sight. When I cast my eyes back to the lounge area I saw them at the pool table. Allison was bent over trying to make a shot while Courtney was trying to feel her ass. My blood was boiling. “Why was Allison letting her touch her? Stop it Stephanie. Remember you don’t have any right to feel jealous. You said it yourself this morning. Allison can date whomever she wants. Hell you even told her she could fuck the girl for all you cared.” I lied. I do care more than I should.

Just as I was about to storm over and break up the little party a felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around to find Maureen smiling back at me. I hugged her quickly. Then I made the proper introductions. She in turn introduced us to her husband Mort. Peter, Bob and Mort offered to check our coats. “Come on let me buy you a drink.” Maureen offered as she led me through an open doorway. On the other side of the doorway was another dance room with three more bars in full service. This room was smaller and darker than the first with gothic paintings adorning the walls. At the far end of the room was a stage covered with wrought iron bars. In the opposite end of the room was a telephone booth. “What’s with the phone booth?” I questioned.

“That’s so you can make a request from the dj in this room.” Maureen explained. “Come on let’s go to Teresa Raven’s bar.”

Maureen guided me threw the crowd and shouted above the eighties new wave blaring from the speakers. She led me to the largest bar in the room near the telephone booth. Behind the bar was a tiny woman with platinum blonde hair dressed in a flowing black dress. I wondered how she could move so will in such an outfit? As she approached us I noticed that both of her wrists were tattooed in a floral pattern and both her nose and lip were pierced. “What can I get for you Ladies?” She asked brightly.

“Captain and coke.” Maureen ordered quickly.

“Something strong.” I shrugged.

“Red Death.” Teresa suggested.

“We don’t want to kill her.” Maureen interjected. “How about a Cuervo sunrise?”

“No tequila.” I said sternly. “Just a white zinfandel.”

Teresa nodded and departed to fix our cocktails. “So how old is that child with Allison?” Maureen shouted over the GoGo’s.

“According to Allison old enough.” I answered bitterly.

“For what?” Maureen laughed. “I heard the four of you had just a super day!” Maureen teased with a wide-eyed expression.

“Who said that?”

“The teenager.” Maureen answered sarcastically. “Look out here comes trouble.” Maureen said looking over my shoulder. I steadied myself and was relieve to find Nicole approaching us. She waved to Teresa who just nodded. Nicole joined us. “Ladies.” She greeted us. Teresa returned with our drinks and a bottle of Poland Springs water for Nicole.

“I have this.” I offered as I reached for my wallet.

“Thanks.” Maureen and Nicole accepted.

“Just make you sure you tip Teresa well.” Nicole pointed out. “Rumor has it that she once killed a coat check girl.”

“What do mean rumored?” Teresa laughed as she accepted my money.

“Still you wouldn’t want to be Lucyed on your first trip here.” Maureen offered.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“To be Lucyed you must do two things.” Teresa explained. “You must be rude and cheap. If you are then you could walk up to the bar with Lucy Lawless strapped to your ass and I still wouldn’t wait on you.” Teresa then pointed to the button she was wearing that stated in bold purple lettering ‘Don’t make me use the Lucy Law!’

“Who?” I questioned not understanding. “Never mind just keep the change.” I teased.

“Thank you Miss.” Teresa smiled and went off to wait on more patrons.

“So, what are you Gals talking about?” Nicole inquired.

“I was just going to ask Stephanie here where she and Allison disappeared to last night at the party?” Maureen stated smugly as she sipped her cocktail.

“Do tell?” Nicole encouraged.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I answered.

“Come on Stephanie share.” Maureen pushed. “Tell us what is going on?”

“Who knows?” I responded with a hint of defeat in my voice.

I sipped my wine and pretended that the two of them weren’t staring at me. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I said finally as I slammed my glass down on the bar. I looked at Maureen who was standing to my left. She just smiled at me. I turned to Nicole who was standing on my right with her arms folded across her chest giving my the same knowing look. I was trapped. “It’s the truth I don’t know what is going on.” I offered and received two disbelieving glares cast down at me.

“There you are.” Mort called out as he approached his wife. He placed a tender kiss on her cheek. “Everyone is looking for the two of you. Hey Nicole how are you?”

“No complaints Mort. Good to see you.” Nicole answered warmly.

“We will be with you in just a second Mort.” Maureen explained to her husband. “We were in the middle of some girl talk.”

“Please hurry.” Mort pleaded. “Peter is nice enough but that Bob guy is driving me crazy.”

“Bob?” Nicole groaned.

“Yeah.” Mort sighed. “If we don’t get back there they might just come looking for us.”

“Gotta go.” Nicole spit out quickly and disappeared into the crowd.

Maureen groaned as her back up left alone. “Come on.” She conceded. “Thank you Mort!” The three of us departed the bar and made our way back into the lounge area. At the bar we found Peter and Bob. They weren’t alone, little Courtney had joined them. “Look who I found!” Peter said brightly.

“Hey there.” Courtney giggled as she waved to us. “We were just going to do some shots.”

“Maybe you could fix her up with Peter.” Maureen whispered to me slyly.

I laughed thinking about how well the two of them got along. It would be the perfect solution. Just then a tall beautiful blonde approached the bar. Everyone with exception of Maureen turned and watched her as she ordered and got her drinks. Maureen just glared at Mort. The rest of the party including myself watched the blonde as she walked away. Peter was definitely not Courtney’s type.

“Mort.” Maureen growled at her husband who was now hanging his head in shame. All eyes turned to me expecting me to do the same to Peter. “How could I since I had also checked out the woman’s attributes?” I just shrugged catching a knowing smirk from Courtney.

“How many kamikazes?” The tall bartender asked.

“None for me.” Maureen said quickly. “This is my last drink since I am driving.”

“Darling?” Peter asked.

“No thank you.” I replied as I waved off the offer. The last thing I needed was to get drunk.

“Five then.” Courtney ordered.

“Five?” I questioned.

“Yeah the four of us and one for Allison.” She responded brightly.

“She won’t drink that.” I added honestly. Little Courtney just glared at me.

“I won’t drink what?” The deep alto voice said from behind me.

“We’re doing kamikaze shots.” Courtney offered brightly.

“No thanks.” Allison said bluntly as Courtney pouted. “Daisy four shots and a bottle of Poland Springs.”

“Daisy?” Peter questioned in confusion.

“Yes?” The tall bartender said as he wink at Peter. Peter’s voice turned paled as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. Daisy just laughed and he lined up the shots and a bottle of spring water for Allison. She paid for the round quickly and tipped the man generously. “Thanks Daisy.” She smiled. Our four companions downed their shots quickly and proceeded to order another round and beers to follow their shots. The four of them continued to drink while Allison, Maureen and I talked about school. The three of us passed on all offers for alcohol. Courtney seemed disappointed that Allison wasn’t joining in on the festivities.

Nicole approached quietly and pulled Allison aside. The two of them walked to the other side of the lounge and began an very animated conversation. I caught one or two words that they were saying. Unfortunately they were speaking French again. “What the hell?” Courtney growled catching sight of the two of them approaching the crowd. “Now what?” Courtney slurred as the Kendell sisters rejoined us. I felt no need to inform Courtney that Nicole was Allison sister. Let her think what she wants. Apparently Maureen agreed with my choice as she stood there smirking. “This has been happening all night.” Courtney slurred again.

“Imbecile!” Nicole snapped at her sister as she shook her head in disgust. Allison simply held up a cautioning finger in her sister’s face. Courtney strutted over to Allison and placed a possessive hand on her arm as she stood toe to toe with Nicole. Courtney raised a warning finger and was about to poke her in the chest when Allison stopped her. “Se conduire, petit fille!” Nicole warned. I have no idea what she was saying but it did not look good for Courtney. “Ivre?” Nicole asked looking at her sister and then casting a look at Courtney.

“Oui.” Allison nodded.

“Listen you Euro trash …” Courtney began to sputter.

“Stupide, bete.” Nicole laughed as she stared down at the youngster.

“Down Courtney.” Allison cautioned her. “My sister is a black belt.”

“I’m not the only one.” Nicole smiled up at her older sibling.

“Sister?” Courtney blushed. “Oh my gosh. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

“Uh huh.” Nicole waved Courtney off with in difference. “Une petite fille.” Nicole scoffed looking at her sister.

“Arret!” Allison warned her sister.

“Do you know what they are saying?” I whispered to Maureen.

“From what I can catch Nicole just called Courtney stupid and a little girl.” Maureen whispered back with a smirk. At this point Nicole pushed past her sister and her date and joined us. Bob quickly rushed over. “Glad to see you came back.” He leered. “You’re sure I can’t buy you a drink?”

“She doesn’t drink.” Allison growled.

“Ally.” Nicole waved her off. “I can handle this chien. Listen Bert …”

“Bob.” He corrected her.

“Whatever.” Nicole rolled her eyes. “I don’t drink not ever. I can’t I’m in AA.”

“Huh?”

“I’m a alcoholic.” Nicole spelled it out for him.

“Oh.” He finally caught on. “Well how about a dance?”

“No.” Nicole brushed him off.

“Why?” He seemed confused. “Are you … well you know like your sister?”

“You mean a lesbian.” Nicole laughed. “Hell no. I just think you are obnoxious.”

“Right.” He laughed. “So about that dance?”

“Not the sharpest knife in draw is he?” Nicole concluded. Just then a beeping sound interrupted the conversation. Nicole grabbed the pager clipped to her belt and quickly examined it. “That’s me.” She explained. “It’s the hospital. I’m on call. I need to go. Allison I will talk to you later. Mort, Maureen good seeing you. Peter a real pleasure meeting you.” She smiled sweetly at him. “Stephanie I’m sure I will see you again.” With that she smirked at her sister and left.

“Nice meeting you.” Courtney called after her. Nicole never turned around. “So your sister is a doctor?” She asked Allison.

“Resident at MGH.” Allison replied.

“I wouldn’t mind playing doctor with her.” Bob drooled.

“Excuse me!” Allison snapped. “You wouldn’t be making any unwanted advances towards my baby sister now would you?”

“Huh?” Bob looked around unaware of the danger he was in. “She is so hot.”

“Bob.” Peter cut in placing himself between Allison and Bob. “Dude shut up now.” Peter warned him. Bob just got that far away look in his eyes. “Hey you know the bartender in the disco room said you were cute.” Peter added.

“Really?” Bob beamed and strutted into the disco room.

“Thank you.” I said as I took Peter’s arm breathing a sigh of relief that no blood had been spilled.

“No problem.” Peter answered. “He’s not a bad guy. He just a little bit of a …”

“Dumb ass.” Allison cut in. This received a rousing round of laughter from the entire group.

“Basically.” Peter agreed.

“You know the bartender you sent him to is a lesbian.” Allison explained.

“Yes I do.” Peter smirked knowingly. This received another round of laughter.

The tension had vanished from everyone with the exception of myself. I found myself standing there with my hand on Peter’s arm. It was such a small gesture but I understood its implications. It somehow said that I was his. Peter and Courtney were about to order another round of drinks. “Peter.” I cautioned him not wanting a repeat of last night. I pulled him over to me and leaned up and whispered in his ear. “Peter we need to talk.” I had finally said it and I was certain not anyone else had heard me. Now was the time to get him out of there. “Okay.” He said loudly. “But first you owe me a dance.” He added brushing off what I had just said. “What do you say?” He smiled. “Dance with me.” Everyone was looking at me with the exception of Allison. “What could I do?” I allowed him to take my hand and lead me into the front dance room.

Peter and I had always danced well together until tonight. Perhaps it was the guilt but every time he touched me I pulled away. I survived dancing to three songs before I could pull him off the dance floor. As we were exiting the dance floor I saw Allison and Courtney dancing very closely together. Allison looked incredible tonight with her black jeans and red silk blouse. Watching her sway to the music was thrilling. But it broke my heart to see another woman touching her.

Peter and I rejoined the others. Bob had returned apparently shot down by the bartender. Everyone was deep in conversation. What they were talking about was a mystery to me. I failed to join in on the conversation. I just watched the dance floor trying to catch glimpses of Allison and Courtney. Someone said something to me but I failed to responded. I was far too busy looking for a certain dark haired beauty. They had disappeared into the crowd. Peter slid his arm around me and out of habit I placed my hand in his. It was a familiar yet empty gesture. Just as it had always been.

“Stephanie?” A voice called to me. “Huh?” I was shaken out of my thoughts as I realized that it had been Peter talking to me. “I asked if you wanted something to drink?” He asked. “No thanks.” I answered as I looked back towards to the dance floor. Frustrated and feeling a little bit like a stalker I excused myself and went downstairs to the ladies room. It was crowded and to my surprise the long line of people included men. Granted most of them were wearing dresses but for a girl who grew up in Connecticut it was a bit of a shock. No one else seemed to notice. I looked around at the young faces and suddenly began to feel self-conscious. I was definitely over dressed in my black dress and heels. Not to mention my matching purse.

Standing in line gave me time to think. The events of the day had been so surreal. I could have stopped most everything from happening. All I had to do was break up Peter. All I needed to do was to finally tell him that it was over between us. I could have done it last night or this morning. Instead jealousy won out and I spent the day touring around Salem. There was no way in hell I was going to leave Allison alone with that girl. If only I had trusted Allison and done what I knew I should do? Look where it got me. Peter was doing everything he could to avoid talking to me alone. Allison was pissed off because I was allowing him to get away with it. Courtney was doing everything she could to get Allison into bed. At this rate if I don’t pull myself together I am going to end up as a flower girl at their wedding.

I left the ladies room deciding that hiding there was not going to solve anything. As I stepped out into the dark hallway I felt a familiar hand on my arm. Gently she pulled me around the corner next to the pay phone. I had known her touch instantly. I pulled her close to me and held her tightly. “Allison.” I whispered.

“How are you holding up?” She asked gently as she stepped slightly away from me.

“Not very well.” I answered honestly. “I’m sorry about today. I should have never gone to Salem.”

“No.” Allison responded firmly. “This is my fault. I had no right telling you what you should do. This is none of my business.”

“None of your business?” I answered sadly. “So last night and this morning meant nothing to you? It meant something to me. I don’t go around just kissing anyone.” There was no harshness to my words just simple honesty.

“Of course it meant something to me.” Allison answered looking deeply into my eyes. “It means so much to me that it is scaring the hell out me. Stephanie you have no idea of the power you hold over me. Last night, this morning and right now.”

“Right now?” I moaned as she lowered her head and ran her tongue across my lips. Her lips brushed mine gently as her tongue begged for entrance. I parted my lips and allowed her in. I pulled her closer as our kiss deepened. I felt my legs opening slightly as her thigh slid between them. Our bodies melt together. I could feel my legs tremble as became aware of the wetness between my legs. I shivered as I felt a hand feeling it’s way up under the hem of my dress and caressing my cheek.

I felt lost not knowing where I stopped and she began. A sudden coldness overcame me as she pulled away. I opened my eyes as I felt the coldness of the basement wall I was pressed up against. Only moments ago I was on fire. Her touch alone had burned me and now I was freezing. “Not like this.” She explained tenderly as she brushed her hand across my face. “We’ll talk later.” She offered as her other hand retreated from under my dress. I nodded to her as I straighten my clothing. She brushed my arm gently and then and walked away. Her departure wasn’t like the other times. Allison was not running away. I stood there for a moment as she went to the coat check her eyes never leaving mine as she received the clothing and departed. I gave her time to make her departure while I collected myself. Finally I went upstairs.

I touched Peter gently on the arm and with a new found sense of strength I whispered to him. “We should go.”

“But it’s still early.” He protested.

“You’re not leaving too?” Bob piped in. “First Courtney and Allison and now you two. “

“It was past Courtney’s bedtime.” Maureen added snidely.

“I just can’t believe that those two beautiful women are lesbians.” Bob add in disbelief.

“Oh please.” Daisy scoffed from behind us he just smiled and pretended to be busy.

I shot Bob a cold look suddenly wishing that Peter had allowed Allison to kill him. I grabbed Peter firmly by the arm. “Excuse us.” I said as I dragged Peter away from the others. “Peter.” I spoke firmly as I placed my hand over his mouth to stop him. “We have to talk and not here. Get our coats.” I demanded.

“Okay.” He conceded sadly. Then he turned back to the others as I walked over to the bar. “We’re taking off.” Peter announced with a false joyous tone.

“No.” Bob argued.

“Bob what would you do?” Peter teased him. “Stay here and look at your ugly mug or go home with her?”

Bob just laughed as he saluted Peter with his bottle of Rolling Rock. Daisy and Maureen just cast an all too knowing look at me. Peter went downstairs to get our coats and I ordered a bottle of water from Daisy. He brought it quickly. As I paid for the over priced water Daisy leaned over and very quietly said, “Girl you are going to break that boy’s heart.”

“I didn’t know that it showed.” I answered as I placed a tip on the bar.

“You know you might want to come in on a Thursday night.” Daisy suggested softly.

“Thursday?” I responded. “Isn’t that gay night. Oh … how did you know?”

“Oh please honey.” Daisy laughed. “You’re not fooling this queen with those Doris Day looks of yours. Of course from what I heard about Doris.” He teased.

I just laughed as I sipped my water. I only had the one drink that night but I wanted to be completely lucid for my talk with Peter. He returned with our coats and we said our goodbyes. I took his keys from him and we stepped out into the cold autumn air. Neither of us spoke as we walked back to the parking garage. The drive home was silent as well. As we crossed over the town line into Haven Peter finally spoke. “Is there someone else?” He asked in a strained voice.

“No.” I answered. “And yes.”

“What the hell does that mean?” He snapped.

“I have met someone.” I tried to explain. “But that isn’t why I’m …”

“Dumping me.” He snapped. “It’s true you’re leaving me aren’t you?”

“Peter, I’m sorry.” I said quietly.

“I don’t understand Stephanie.” He was bitter. “Are you … have you slept with him?”

“Oh boy! Of course he would assume it was a man.” Life can offer you so many options to a situation. Now of course I could have just told him everything right then and there and let everything hit the fan all at once. Or I could do what I did. Not lie but not tell the entire truth. Somehow I thought it would be easier on him if I just skipped over the most important reason why I was letting him go. “No.” I answered with some degree of honesty. “The truth is that I’m not in love with you.” Okay it was the truth but not the whole truth.

“Don’t say that!” He shouted.

I was thrown by his anger as we pulled up in front of the house I received a second shock. Courtney’s car was parked out in front. Peter and I just sat in the car each of us lost in our own thoughts. Finally he ripped off his seat belt and sprang out of car slamming the door behind him. I jumped out quickly. “Peter?” I pleaded.

“What!” He shouted.

“Please don’t.” I begged him.

“Don’t be angry!” He bellowed.

I just stared at him. “Let’s go inside and talk okay?” I offered calmly. He slumped his shoulders and nodded mutely. As we entered my apartment we were greeted by the obvious sounds of someone having sex. “Well at least your friends are having a good time.” He said bitterly.

“What do you mean?” I asked in horror.

He just gave me a knowing look and pointed to the ceiling. The sounds were most definitely coming from upstairs. There exact location was unfamiliar to me. It couldn’t be Allison! Why would she? But then again Courtney’s car is parked out front. I tried to dismiss the sounds as Peter shrugged off his coat. I just stood there with my hands in my pockets unable to focus on the events unfolding around me. I was jolted out of my musings by the sounds of laughter coming from Allison’s apartment. “I’ll make us some coffee.” I offered weakly.

I removed my coat and went into my kitchen. As I prepared the coffee I was relieved that the sounds from upstairs had ceased. “Had I wait too long? Or was this just some sort of game to her?”

“Stephanie?” Peter’s voice brought me back to reality. “Please tell me what I did to make you fall out of love with me?”

I turned to him slowly. “Oh Peter it’s nothing you did.” I answered him gently. “The truth is that I was never in love with you.” I swallowed hard as I watched his face turn pale. “What?” He gasped as sat down on the futon. He looked as if someone had just hit him hard. I went to him and knelt beside him. “That’s a lie.” He said in a daze. “I’m sorry.” I said softly. “It’s true. I love you as a friend. Peter you are my best friend. But I should have never let it go beyond that. This is my fault.”

“Never?” Peter said absently. “I don’t believe you.”

“I’m sorry.” I repeated over and over again. My heart was breaking for what I was putting him through. But I knew that if I stayed with him that I would be doing something far crueler than what I was doing now.

“Was it the sex?” He asked sincerely. “I knew that you never seemed comfortable with it. Was that it?”

“No.” I lied and I told him the truth. How could I explain to him that I spent my entire life thinking that sex was not something that interested me? But now just one look from Allison and I felt alive. “Peter I used you. I was so determined not to end up like my Mother that I lost sight of what my heart really wanted. I thought our friendship was enough.”

“When did all of this happen?” He was stunned. “I knew that something was wrong. You kept blowing me off and I had chase you down just to get you to talk on the telephone. When we did talk you were so distant. I thought maybe I was smothering you and then I thought maybe you were feeling neglected. I’ve struggling for months trying to figure out what the hell I was doing wrong? Stephanie when did I loose you?”

“I knew how I really felt not long after I moved here.” I answered suddenly feeling ashamed.

“I don’t understand?” He stammered. “Then why did you wait so long to tell me?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” I offered weakly.

“You didn’t want to hurt me?” He responded in a bewilder tone. “The only way you were going to do that was by not doing this. This is breaking my heart.”

“I don’t want that.” I cried. “I never wanted that. I wish there was someway I could undo all of this.”

“You can.” He pleaded with an odd sense forcefulness to his voice. “Stay with me. We can work this out. I know that you must have been in love with me once.”

“Oh Peter no.” I cried. “It’s over.”

We talked for hours while Peter made a few more attempts for a second chance. When the sun came up we were both exhausted. When it was time for him to leave I hoped that he had finally accepted that it was over between us. I had explained that I was afraid that I would lose his friendship. He told me he needed time to work this out. Reluctantly he left my apartment just before seven am. I stood in the driveway and waved goodbye to him. I prayed that it would not be the last time I saw him.

I turned to go back into the house when Courtney bouncing down the staircase greeted me. “Morning!” She giggled. “Rough night?” She asked pointing to the dress I was still wearing from last night. I tried to ignore her as I went to my apartment door. “So where’s Peter?” She smirked.

“He’s gone.” I said sadly.

“I see.” She answered. “Well I’m off. I guess I’ll be seeing you around.”

I spun around and gave the child a icy glare. “What’s that suppose to mean?” I snapped.

“What do you think?” She purred and nodded towards the upstairs and then cast a wink in my direction. “We should be quiet Allison is still sleeping. I’m afraid we didn’t get much sleep last night.” She boasted.

“Bitch.” I muttered under my breath and tried to retreat into my apartment.

“Really?” She responded coolly having caught my comment. “I’m a bitch. Forgive me but I wasn’t the drooling over someone else’s date yesterday. Tell me something Stephanie did your boyfriend take off because he finally figured out that it was Allison you wanted.”

“Where do you get off?” I snarled.

“Listen lady.” Courtney cut me to the quick. “I don’t know what your deal is. And I don’t care. All I do know is I’m the one who spent the night with Allison. What did you think would happen? That maybe she’d be willing to date you and Peter?”

“Peter and I are not together anymore.” I shot back. Why was I telling her this?

“Well isn’t that convenient.” She mocked me. “Whatever. Like I said I’ll be seeing you around. I’ll just make sure I keep plenty of clothes here just incase you decide to toss another drink at me. I didn’t miss a thing yesterday. So just back off blondie.” Having made her position clear she bounced out of the front door and was on her way.

I stormed into the apartment and slamming the door behind me. I stripped off my clothing and threw myself onto the futon and let the tears flow. I pulled my knees to chest and wept uncontrollably. “It couldn’t be true!” I cried over and over again until sleep finally claimed me. My dreams were a confusing stream of images. Allison kissing me. Allison kissing Courtney. Peter laughing at me. I was jolted out of my slumber by the sounds of music blaring from Allison’s apartment. I shivered from the cold as I realized that I had been sleeping naked on top of the bed. I dragged myself into the shower. I found no solace from the steamy water. None of this made any sense. I gave up and stepped out of the shower. I looked into the mirror. The sight of myself shocked me. I looked like Monday morning in Hell. My face was bloated; my eyes were puffy and red. Disgusted by the sight I slumped out of the bathroom. Grabbing a pair sweat pants and a T-shirt. I doubt that either were very clean. I dressed and debated on making a pot of coffee or simply going back to bed.

I looked at the clock noticing that it was after one in the afternoon. Allison never slept this late. “Was Courtney telling the truth? Had they slept together?” This just isn’t adding up. Was Allison capable of making out with me one moment and then bedding another woman the next? From everything I thought I knew about Allison it seemed out of character for her. Then how do you explain Courtney spending the night? And Allison sleeping in? Then there were the sounds of passion that had greeted Peter and myself last night when we entered my apartment. They had definitely been coming from upstairs.

Peter! The thought of how badly I had hurt him tugged at me. At least I finally did the right thing and let him go. Perhaps if I hadn’t wait so long I would have gotten the girl. Now it would seem that it was too late. There was a gentle knock on the door. I realized that the music was gone. I opened the door and found Allison smiling down at me. Suddenly I felt sick. Her face dropped at the sight of me. “Are you all right?” She asked tenderly.

“I’m fine.” I lied. I noted that I was becoming very good at lying lately.

“Are you sure?” She questioned me in disbelief as she reached for my hand.

I jerked away from her violently. I could not bare the thought of her touching me. “I said that I’m fine.” I snapped back bitterly. Her eyes widen in shock at my outburst. “Stephanie?” She whispered as she reached for me once again. I pulled away from her touch. “What is it?” She asked in a fearful voice.

“Look I just want to be alone right now.” I flared. My heart skipped a beat as I saw the pain reflected in her eyes. “I broke up with Peter last night.” I explained hoping that she would just leave.

“Is there anything I can do?” She offered. “Do you want to talk?” She reached out to me again and tried to step into the apartment. I blocked her way without allowing her to touch me. “How can she be so callus?”

“I just want to be alone right now.” I repeated as I clenched my fists.

“Are you sure?” She asked with such sweetness that I almost believed her.

“Yes.” I answered firmly.

“Well … all right then.” She said hesitantly. “I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.” Reluctantly she turned from my doorway and walked away. I slammed the door behind her. I tried to hold myself together but it was useless. I sobbed and crawled into bed. In the past twenty-four hours I had probably cried more than I had my entire life. There was no stopping the tears. The pain seemed unbearable.

I hated myself for being so weak. I hated her for making me fall in love with her. With each tear that fell I whispered her name and asked myself ‘why?’ Over and over again.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I know that the road to true love can sometimes be a rocky path. But this was ridiculous! Over the course of the next few weeks I felt as if I had lost all sense of reality. It all began on that first Monday. Allison had been very friendly that morning. She knocked on my door and offered me a cup of coffee and a ride to work. Since my emotions were still on edge and my ego was bruised despite the frigid temperatures outside I declined. Allison seemed hurt by my indifference. But I stuck to my guns. I had decided that mooning over Allison was not helping my situation any. It was time that I put some distance between us. Admittedly Allison had made every attempt to talk to me. This time I was the one who was putting up walls. I couldn’t help myself. I was hurt. No matter how many times I reasoned that I had no claims on Allison and she was free to sleep with whomever she wanted to, I felt betrayed.

I also felt some confusion as to whether I had jumped into all of this far too quickly. Was being gay what I really wanted? Is this who I really am? Then I would look back on the women in my life and what I had shared with Allison and Gigi. This was the road I was meant to travel. Still at times I had my doubts. Then I would see Allison and I knew how my heart felt. If only she could feel the same for me.

Matters were not being helped any by little Courtney’s constant visits at night. I suppressed my overwhelming desire to wipe that smug expression off of her cute little face. I had to remind myself that the little tramp was right. She was the one who had shared Allison’s bed on Halloween and not me. I just kept distancing myself from Allison as much as I possibly could. No easy task since we shared an office and I lived downstairs from her. It didn’t help that we also had a book to finish. We did manage to get some work done. At my insistence we only worked on it while we were on campus. I had no desire to find myself working late with Allison in her apartment. Now I only use my study in her apartment when Allison is not around. Her absences are becoming more and more frequent. I assumed that she had been spending her nights with Courtney. For the past week Allison would return home just before dawn clad in clothing from the previous day.

That first Thursday after Halloween I took a bold step and went to the Galaxy. I took the train into town and arrived very early. Since I was one of the first people to arrive I seated myself at Teresa Raven’s bar. The place was deserted. I began to wonder if I was wasting my time. Teresa took pity on me and explained that the crowd didn’t start coming in until at least eleven o’clock. This presented a slight problem. Even though Boston is a major city its public transportation system left a great deal to be desired. If I wanted to catch the last train back to Haven I would need to leave the nightclub no later than 11:30.

I told myself that it was just as well since I only wanted to check things out. As Teresa had promised the club began to fill up quickly just before eleven o’clock. I spent my time watching people dance. I even spotted a few of my students. “No wonder they are always tired on Friday mornings!” While I was watching the crowd a young girl with dark hair and thick black glasses approached me. She asked me to dance. I declined politely. She proceeded to offer to buy me a drink. I declined once again explaining that I would need to be leaving soon since I had a train to catch. She then offered me a ride. I smiled at her boldness and declined once again.

I stepped out into the freezing night air and walked to the T station. As I walked I was filled with mixed emotions. On the one hand I felt very much like an outsider. On the other hand the young girl’s advances had made me feel less like a wallflower. I was positive that I could get the hang of this. There must be an easier way than this though? What was the proper etiquette for lesbian dating? If I was to move on with my life this was something I needed to find out.

It was after midnight when I returned to Haven. Upon approaching the house I could see Courtney’s Volvo pulling away. It had been a rough week but I had survived. When I entered my apartment the light greeted me on my answering machine blinking. I checked the machine to find two messages waiting for me. The first was from Peter wanting to know how I was doing. He still sounded hurt as he stammered through his message. I needed to talk to him but not now.

The second message threw me for a loop. It was from Allison wanting to know if I wanted to have dinner with her. She also wanted to know if I was all right? I could not help but wonder if Courtney had been her plan B for the evening. It didn’t matter. I needed to move on. Even though I vowed to remain strong I listened to Allison’s message several times before I could erase it.

Another week passed in much the same fashion. I avoided Allison whenever she was around, which was not often. She was persistent though. She would always invite me to lunch or dinner. I declined politely enough explaining that I had far too much work to do. It pained me to say no but I felt I had no other option. That Thursday I returned to the Galaxy once again. I took the train in for the long journey into the city. With all of the transfers it could be confusing but I seemed to be getting the hang of changing from the green line to the red line. That night I found myself having a good time. The same girl with glasses asked me to dance once again. This time I turned her down directly. As I stood at Daisy’s bar I watched some people shooting pool.

I was growing bored and a little tired when I decided that it was time to leave. I searched my pocket for my coat check ticket. “You won’t find it in there.” A voice came from behind me. I spun around to find myself looking at a very attractive blonde with dark brown eyes. “And what won’t I find in there?” I played along relieved to find someone talking to me who was closer to my age. “My phone number.” Her eyes lit up as she played with me. “Really?” I continued our game as I smiled up at the taller woman.

“Tell me something.” I purred.

“Anything.” She cooed.

“Does this line ever work for you?” I laughed.

“Never.” She confessed brightly. “Rita.” She introduced herself and offered her hand.

“Stephanie.” I replied as I shook her hand warmly.

“So Stephanie should I try some more of my tired old all be it useless lines out on you?” She spoke gently as she leaned closer to me. “Or have you fallen madly in love with me already?” I laughed at her attempts. “Hmm it appears I still have to work my charms. Let’s see so what’s your sign?” I laughed harder at her antics. “Buy you a drink?” I laughed again. “Hey I was serious about that one.” She said sweetly. “Could I buy you a drink?” She repeated this time with sincerity.

“I’m sorry thank you but I was just about to leave.” I explained.

“No.” She protested. “Not without dancing with me first.” I offered no resistance as she escorted me out onto the dance floor.

Rita proved to be a fantastic dancer. I couldn’t believe that I was dancing with another woman. It felt right. I finally felt as if I belonged. There was something about the way she moved her body that excited me. Granted it was nothing close to what I felt when I watched Allison. But it was a start. When we finished our dance she took me by the hand and led me back to Daisy’s bar. We talked for a short while. I found that Rita was bright and intelligent and easy to talk to. She owned a small boutique on Newbury Street. She was everything I could want in a woman except for one small thing she wasn’t Allison. “I could have just kicked myself!”

I looked at my watch and gasped realizing that I had lost track of the time. “I have to go.” I blurted out suddenly.

“No.” She pouted. “I thought I was just beginning to charm you.”

“I have a train to catch.” I explained.

“Oh.” Her eyes widen. “I understand you don’t want to get stuck in town. Before you dash off Cinderella could I call you?” She requested with a slight blush.

I was at a loss as to just what I should do. Before I could conjure up some lame excuse Daisy placed pen and paper on the bar in front of me. There was simply no way of declining her request without being rude. I quickly scrawled my phone number on the paper and made my exit. After retrieving my coat from the coat check I raced out of the club and down Mass. Ave. I dashed into the T stop and was lucky to catch the waiting red line train to Park Street Station. From there I made my transfer to the green line. This time I was not so fortunate. It seemed to take an eternity for the correct train to arrive. Once I arrived at North Station I raced across the staircases and out into the street and crossed over to the commuter rail. I quickly scanned the monitors hoping that my train to Haven was still there. I had missed it. “Now what?” There were two options available to me. I could call the only person I knew in Haven that might come and get me. Or I could thank the powers that be that I had the foresight to bring my credit card with me.

Calling Allison was out of the question. I had no doubt that she would come to my rescue. But I possessed no desire to call her and explain that I had been cruising women and missed my train. Plan B it was. Thank God for plastic. Upon exiting the taxi I was uncertain what hurt me more? Seeing Courtney drive away at this hour or the seventy-five dollar charge on my visa card. As I approached the house I felt my breath catch in my throat. There she was standing out on her balcony. She was a vision bathed in moonlight. I just stood there mesmerized watching her staring out into the darkness. I felt the tears caress my face as I watched her. “What are you thinking about Allison? What is it out there in the darkness that you find so captivating?” It was as if she had sensed my presence as she turned slowly and looked down upon the street to where I was standing. She smiled sadly and turned away and entered her apartment. As her image faded from view I regained the use of my legs and entered the house.

I had no recall of how long I had stood on that sidewalk watching her. I could not erase the image of her from my thoughts. I wanted to nothing more than race up to her apartment. To go to her to touch her. Somehow I resisted the temptation and showered before climbing into bed. I lay awake thinking of her until the sun came up.

The following evening Rita called and invited me to lunch on Saturday. I was about to decline her offer when something stopped me. It was the sound of Allison and Courtney laughing on the staircase. I accepted the date with Rita instantly. As I hung up the telephone I felt very proud of myself for taking the first steps to break free of Allison. Yet there was still something nagging at me. It was the tone of Rita’s voice. It was so familiar. I had heard it many times over the past couple of weeks. It was the same tone Allison had used when she would invite me to dinner or lunch. Had Allison been asking me out on dates this entire time? That simply did not make any sense. Allison was seeing someone.

I decided that it didn’t matter. Even if Allison had been asking me out, there was no way I was about to play second fiddle to some kid. But had she been asking me out? It was all very confusing. Maybe this was simply the way that lesbians spoke to each other. I was so new to all of this. One thing was apparent I had a great deal to learn. Perhaps the lovely Rita would be the one who could teach me?

Lunch with Rita was very nice. We met at a small cafe on Newbury Street. Rita apologized that she would be unable to stay very long since she was needed back at her shop. She hinted that perhaps we could go out dancing that night. We had a great time as we ate and talked. Everything was perfect except for one small thing. Although I found her attractive there was something missing. This time it wasn’t simply who she wasn’t. It was just that there was no spark between us. As I pondered this revelation Rita unrepentantly provide me with the answers I was seeking.

“Are you involved with someone?” She asked me suddenly.

“No.” I answered truthfully. “But …”

“You’re just getting over someone.” She finished for me.

“How did you know?”

“Story of my life.” Rita responded casually. “So what happened?”

“It’s complicated.” I replied with reluctance.

“Always is.” Rita said gently. “I’m hear to listen if you want.”

“Okay you asked for it.” I sighed. “First I need to explain that this is all very new to me.”

“What?” She choked.

“It’s true.” I explained. “Up until a couple of weeks ago I had a boyfriend.”

“Excuse me?” She choked again. “You’re joking.”

“No.” I admitted quietly.

“I have to be honest.” She began slowly. “Normally I like a challenge.”

“But not first timers.” I said.

“Watch out for the ones that are into that.” Rita warned me. “And the woman who hurt you?”

“Oh well her.” I sighed again. “I waited too long and now she is with someone else. Someone young and perky.”

“Ouch.” Rita groaned. “Then she is a fool. Stephanie I need to honest with you. Don’t take this the wrong way it has nothing to due with your lack of experience. I find you very attractive but there is no …”

“Chemistry.” I blurted out suddenly relieved. “I know I feel the same way.”

“Too bad.” Rita sighed. “We would have had great looking kids.” She teased as I choked on my water.

“I’m sorry.” I laughed. “But hey I survived my first date with a woman.” I added hopefully.

“Here! Here!” Rita cheered as she toasted me with her glass of water. “Why don’t we still go out dancing tonight? As friends.” She added. “I hope that you will consider me a new friend?”

“I would like that.” I responded. “I really don’t know many people here in Boston. Or the community for that matter.”

“Good it’s settled then.” She smiled back. “We’ll go out tonight and scope chicks. I can drive you home so you won’t need to worry about catching the train. “

“I would like that.” I smiled. “Last time I missed my train.”

“That must have cost a small fortune.” Rita grimaced. “Well as your new friend I will drive you home anytime you need it unless of course one of us has a better offer.” She winked at the last comment. “I can show the ropes so to speak. I think this is great. There aren’t that many women our age hanging out in the clubs. Most of them have settled down and are living in the suburbs.”

“Is that suppose to cheer me up?” I teased.

I thanked her again and we talked for a while longer until she needed to return to her shop. We made plans to meet at the Galaxy later. I decided to take in the city until it was time for us to meet. I even enjoyed going on the duck tour and browsing through the local shops. Later that night we met up as planned. I was definitely on a roll that week. I met another woman named Josie and made plans to meet her the following morning to go roller blading along the Charles. Rita met someone as well but really wasn’t interested. Rita drove me home refusing to take any money for gas. I dug out my roller blades and laid out suitable clothing for my date in the morning. Josie seemed nice enough but I felt deep down that we really weren’t going to hit it off. I went to bed knowing that I would need to get up in a few hours and drive into town. Allison had left for New York that morning so I had the use of her car. I felt guilty about taking her car to go on a date with another woman. But not enough to endure the hell of public transportation on the weekend and this was the least of my problems with Allison.

* * *

“I think that it is very important work.” Josie explained enthusiastically.

“I don’t understand.” I shrugged as I tried to urge my roller blades to speed up so I could gain some distance from Josie. “What do you have against Regis?”

“That game show is the dumbification of America.” Josie asserted.

“Dumbifiaction?” I questioned. “Is that a word?”

Josie just stared at me blankly. It would appear that Josie had ‘issues’ with the game show “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” I was not surprised at this point. It seemed that Josie had ‘issues’ with just about everything. Let’s see there were her abandonment issues, her issues with her parents, she had issues with the government, the environment, Starbucks, and everything under the sun including M&M’s. I was having a really problem with that one. In the twenty minutes since I met up with her and began our skate along the bike path that ran along the Charles River, Josie had explained in painful detail her ‘issues’. If that wasn’t enough to ruin my morning it seemed that she also belonged to every self-help group imaginable. Self-groups are admittedly important for the people who needed them. But Josie seemed to be a professional joiner.

“But couldn’t you simply just not watch the show?” I argued. “I know I signed a petition when I heard that Dr. Laura was going to be aired here. But isn’t the best way to stop a television show simply by not watching it. Don’t they rely on ratings? Isn’t that what we kept telling all of those uptight family value groups about Ellen? If you don’t like it don’t watch.”

“Oh I don’t own a television.” Josie explained. “I have had a major issue with it since I came to the realization The Facts Of Life was an excuse to exploit Tootie.”

“So how many people are in this Stop Regis Campaign?” I regrettable asked.

“Right now there is just Sharla and I.” Josie beamed mistaking my question for interest. “We met in our WATI support group.”

“WATI?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“Women Against The Internet.” She proclaimed proudly. “You do realize that this whole internet scam is just one more way that big brother can track us.” She cautioned me. “You could meet with us if you like. We discuss the whole issue on line every Wednesday night. WATI has a great chat room set up.”

“Chat room?” I spun around on my skates in shock. Unfortunately I should have paid more attention to my actions. I tripped over something and found myself lying on the bike path in agony.

After a short debate I allowed myself to be taken across the street to MGH (Massachusetts General Hospital). The emergency room was swamped. I gave the triage nurse all of my information while Josie remained glued to my side. I had to get rid of her. We were instructed to wait and I was given an ice pack for my knee. Josie fussed and fumed about the delay. I tried to reason with her as I pointed out that there were people in greater need of medical attention than I was. When she announced as loudly as she could that we were being made to wait because we were lesbians I wanted to climb under my chair. I wanted Josie to just go away. Gay, straight or indifferent Josie was just a really bad date. Finally we were shown to an exam room. I looked at the cotton Johnny. “Would you like me to help you with that” Josie offered. I simply shook my head sharply in refusal there was no way I was taking my clothes off in front of this woman. “I’m fine Josie. In fact why don’t you get going? I’m sure that you have a meeting.” I offered hoping she would take the hint and just go.

“Oh Baby.” She offered softly. “I am not leaving your side. In fact I’m calling my Father’s driver to come get us when this is over.” With that announcement she whipped out her cell phone.

“I thought you weren’t speaking to your parents?” I was dumbfounded.

“I’m not. But I have use of their driver which makes sense since I won’t go see them to pick up my weekly check.” Josie explained. “They just send the driver over with it to the town house they bought me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well I need it to get around to all of my meetings.” Josie was so sincere and so delusional.

“Your parents support you?” I was at a complete loss.

“Of course I couldn’t very well be expected to have a ‘job’ not with all of the important work I have to do!” Josie answered with a smile.

“Put that away.” A very familiar alto voice commanded. I snapped my head around to see Nicole dressed in pale blue hospital scrubs and a long white lab coat with her hair pulled back in a French braid. “The cell phone.” Nicole insisted. “Turn it off. Apparently you missed the signs hanging everywhere explaining the dangers of using a cell phone in a hospital. Now put it away before you kill someone.” Reluctantly Josie complied as she gave Nicole an icy stare. Nicole was unaffected she simply smiled at me. “Miss. Grant I’m Dr. Kendell.” She smiled.

“I’m Josie Stendorf. Stephanie’s partner.” Josie announced boldly.

“No you’re not.” I shouted. “This is our first date.” I looked to Nicole for help. Suddenly I reached up and grabbed her by her lab coat and drew her down to me. “Make her go away. Please. She’s crazy. Nicole she has issues.” I pleaded. Nicole chuckled softly as she pulled herself away.

“Miss. Stendorf.” Nicole began in a very professional tone. “I am very familiar with Stephanie and she needs to do this on her own.” Josie opened her mouth to speak but Nicole quickly cut her off. “She has issues with privacy and apparently self assertion.” At the last part she cast a glance in my direction. Turning back to Josie she touched her gently on the arm. “You understand that it is very important for her to do this on her own?” Josie’s eyes widen with a sudden understanding.

“Oh yes of course.” Josie leaned over me and patted my shoulder in sympathy. “Call me I have some groups that could help you.”

And then Josie was finally gone for good I prayed. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay one scary date taken care of now let’s take of you.” Nicole smiled brightly. “First I need to ask you something …”

“I swear she seemed perfectly normal when she asked me out.” I protested.

“That’s not what I was going to ask you.” Nicole laughed as she shook her head. “I was going to ask you if you would feel more comfortable with another physician?”

“No.” I answered honestly.

“Good.” Nicole smiled. “Now put on the Johnny and I will be right back.”

“But …” I began to protest.

“No buts.” Nicole chastised me. “Put it on and I’ll be right back.”

“Rats.” I grumbled.

Once I was clad in the flimsy hospital gown Nicole returned carrying a clipboard. “Okay what happened?” Nicole placed the clipboard down and put on a pair of rubber gloves. She gently removed the ice pack and began to examine my knee. “We were roller blading along the Charles when Josie said something stupid. It caught me off guard and I fell.”

“Hmm.” Nicole said thoughtfully. She opened the back of the hospital gown and examined my back and then took a quick look at my head. “Did you hit your head at all?”

“No.”

“Lose consciousness at anytime?” She asked as she began to clean my knee with disinfectant.

“Ouch. No.” I answered.

“Raise your leg.” I obeyed. “Wiggle your toes.” I followed her instructions. “Any nausea?”

“Nope.”

“Dizziness?” She asked as she shined a penlight in my eyes.

“No.”

She returned the light to the pocket of her coat and retrieved her clipboard. “Are you on any prescription or none prescription drugs? Any allergies?”

“No and no.” I snarled.

“Did you drink any alcohol today?”

“Not yet.”

Nicole chuckled at me. “All right. We’re almost finished. It looks pretty superficial. We just need some x-rays just to be on the safe side.”

“Oh man.” I groaned.

“Just a precaution Stephanie.” Nicole was very reassuring. “I need to ask before you go down and they will probably ask you again but is there any chance you could be pregnant?” I just rolled my eyes and stared at her in disbelief. “I have to ask.” She explained.

“Well let’s see in the past three months I have only come close to having sex with one person and although your sister claims to have many skills I doubt that is one of them.” I teased causing Nicole to blush.

“I see.” She cleared her throat. “I’ll leave it to you to break the news to her on that one. Speaking of which …” I held my breath as I waited for her to finish her thought. “I can’t tell anyone about this. As your doctor I cannot even mention that you where here. Not to my sister not to anyone. As a patient you have rights. So this entire afternoon is Entre Nous.” I stared at her blankly. “Between us.” She explained. “Anything you tell me is confidential. I just needed you to know that.”

“I understand.” I sighed with relief. “Fortunately there is nothing to tell. There is one thing I would like to ask you. When Haven first hired me, I started on their insurance plan. I don’t really care for my doctor. He did a lot of unnecessary tests.”

“He didn’t cross the line did he?” Nicole questioned me the anger evident in her tone.

“No.” I reassured her. “He just tested me for everything. Like a pregnancy test even though I had explained that I had my period twice since the last time I had sex. He also tested me for every STD under the sun. Which is fine but I have already had all of those tests. I didn’t know if it was University policy or what?”

“No.” Nicole explained flatly. “Who is your doctor?”

“Dr. Fink.”

“Arthur Fink?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“Okay off the record as your friend get another doctor. He is known for running tests just to pad his bills to the insurance company.” Nicole explained. “Which is odd since he sucks as a diagnostician. Ally has the same HMO as you do. Her doctor is fabulous, Dr. Martha Chang she is who I would recommend.”

“I tried to get her but she wasn’t accepting any new patients.” I explained. “I have always felt more comfortable with a woman.”

“She has privileges here. I could talk to her if you like?” She offered as her pager went off she looked at it and scowled. “I’ll see when you back from x-ray.”

“Thanks Nicole.”

When I returned from having my knee x-rayed from every possible angle I quickly got dressed and waited. Nicole finally returned. “Well it seems that all you have is a really big boo boo.” Nicole smiled. “Just sign here and take these to the cashier and you are free to go.”

“Thank God.” I sighed as signed the paperwork and accepted my copies. “So is boo boo a technical term?”

“Absolutely.” Nicole grinned. “You might want to put some ice on that knee when you get home. Speaking of which how are you getting home?”

“I have Allison’s car.” I explained guiltily.

“That’s right she’s in New York.” Nicole added without missing a beat. “Well take it easy and I’ll see you on Thanksgiving.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t tell she hasn’t invited you?” Nicole groaned. I just shook my head in response. “Big dumb Amazon. Well I’m inviting you.”

“Nicole I don’t want to make your sister uncomfortable.” I explained. “Things are more than a little tense between us.” I also don’t want to see her at a holiday gathering with her new girlfriend.

“Fine.” Nicole conceded with a groan. “Oh by the way Thursday is …” Just then her pager went off again. “Damn.” She cursed as she snatched up the offending object. “I have to go. We have a GSW coming in.” She rushed off. Even I had seen enough episodes of ER to know that GSW was short for a gunshot wound.

After returning home I check on Mrs. Giavanni and ran her over to the local market for a few things. After putting away her groceries I joined her for a cup of tea. Finally I entered my apartment and collapsed on my futon thankful that the day was finally over.

* * *

The following week proceeded in much the same fashion as the previous two. I talked to Rita about my date from hell omitting the part of running into Nicole. Rita just laughed at me. We made plans to go dancing at The Galaxy on Thursday. Even though there was no sexual tension between us I really enjoyed dancing with Rita. It was also nice to have someone to talk to.

I did receive a surprise on Tuesday when I walked into my office and discovered Allison sound asleep on the coach. Maureen walked in as I was standing there watching her sleep. She was covered in what appeared to be paperwork.

“Not again.” Maureen scowled. “Allison wake up!”

Allison grumbled loudly as she shifted on the couch in an effort to raise herself up. As the tall woman lifted her body the books and papers that had been covering her toppled onto the floor. “Merde.” She swore as she bent down to clean up the mess. I put down my briefcase and knelt down to help her. Maureen muttered something unintelligible as she stomped off.

“What is all of this?” I asked as gathered up her work.

“Just getting ready for midterms.” She grumbled once again. “I finished the work on chapter ten as well. It’s on your desk … I think.”

Allison scratched her head aimlessly. It was more than obvious that Allison was not fully awake yet. “Why are you working here?” I asked.

“Tired of getting the cold shoulder.” She muttered and suddenly snapped her head up and stared at me with surprised. “I’m sorry did I just say that out loud.”

“Yes.” I answered harshly.

“Forget I said anything.” She tried to apologize. “Look I’m just trying to do the right thing here.” She said quickly as she hurried to clean up her mess.

“I’ll get this.” I offered in confusion. “You’d better hurry home and shower.” She stared at me helplessly. “Go on.” I insisted.

Allison thanked me and rushed out of the room. Something was happening and I was completely clueless as to just what it was. Nothing seemed to making any sense. That night as I walked home I was determined to sit Allison down and have a very long talk with her. As I approached our house I discovered Courtney’s Volvo parked out front. It appeared that there was nothing for Allison and I to discuss after all.

On Thursday morning I was greeted by yet another surprise as I entered my office. Allison’s desk was covered with several arrangements of flowers. The office was empty and after a quick check into the hallway I dashed over to Allison’s desk. As I peeked at the cards I asked myself once again “at what point does this become stalking?” There were roses from her parents, Iris’ from Nicole and more roses from Chris. The cards all conveyed the same message. Today was Allison’s birthday. That was what Nicole had meant to tell me at the hospital.

Without a second thought I made certain that the cards were all returned to their proper positions. I quickly dismissed the idea of tossing Chris’ in the trash. I crossed back over to my own desk and snatched up the local directory and placed a call. I had a surprise of my own coming for Allison. Yes it was true that I was angry with Allison. But it was also true that my anger was born out of my feelings for her. I couldn’t allow her birthday to pass without doing something. As I finished up my call I could here familiar footsteps approaching. I could tell by the self-assured stride that it was Allison. I quickly threw open my briefcase and pretended to be working.

Allison entered our office took one look at her desk and asked dryly. “Who died?” Her eyes suddenly widen as a snarl crossed her face. “Ah crap.” She spit out as she dropped her briefcase. Just then Maureen bounced in waving a card around. “Happy Birthday!” She shouted joyfully. Allison simply groaned in response. “What?” Maureen laughed.

“I forgot.” Allison said grimly.

“That’s not like you.” Maureen responded in surprise. “You usually live for this stuff?”

“I guess I’m just not in the mood this year.” Allison said softly as she accepted the card and retrieved the briefcase. “Thanks for the card.”

Just then Allison’s telephone began to ring she rushed over to answer it as Maureen waved her goodbyes. “Professor Kendell.” She spoke in her professional voice. “No … no … please Mother no! Don’t sing!” Allison pleaded as she slumped into her chair and began to bang her head on her desk. “Please stop.” She implored her Mother. “No not Dad too!”

I started to laugh as my telephone rang. “Dr. Grant.” I greeted my caller with a chuckle.

“Well you seem to be in good spirits Blondie.” Nicole responded. “How’s the knee?”

“Fine.” I shouted over Allison’s fussing.

“What the hell is going on there?” Nicole asked.

“Your parents are torturing your sister.” I explained as Nicole laughed.

“Let me guess their singing?” Nicole laughed hysterically.

“From what I can gather.” I chimed in.

“I guess this call is a bit late then. I forgot to tell you the other day.” Nicole explained.

“No problem. I’ve got it covered.” I explained.

“Good. I’m also calling to let you know that Dr. Chang has agreed to take you on as a patient. You’ll need to set up an appointment with her. She is expecting your call.” Nicole explained.

“Thank you Nicole.” I said loudly to be heard over Allison’s grousing. Unfortunately I said it a little too loud. Allison’s head shot up over the cubicle wall and glared at me.

“Why is Nicole calling you?” Allison asked in desperation. “Not you Mom.” She said into the receiver.

“None of your business.” I teased. I could hear Nicole laughing on the other end.

“Stephanie.” Allison growled and shot me one of her best intimidating scowls.

“Nice try.” I teased.

“What?” She spoke into her telephone. “We work together.” Allison explained. “No you can’t talk to her. I have to go.” Allison pleaded. “Thanks for the flowers Love to both of you.” Allison ducked down long enough to hang up her telephone. Her head popped up and she glared down at me.

“So is she staring at you?” Nicole asked.

“Of course.” I replied.

“Let me talk to her.” Nicole sighed.

I stood and handed Allison the receiver. “Play nice.” I warned her.

“Why are you calling Stephanie?” Allison snapped. “I am not old and cranky.” I snorted at the comment. “Yes I got them their beautiful. Yes thank you. ” Allison relaxed slightly. “So why are you bothering my co-workers?” Allison listened for a moment. “Why can’t you tell me? What are you two conspiring?” Allison demanded as she glared at me. “Well if it’s nothing then you can tell me. ” Allison pushed. “Fine.” Allison conceded. “Thanks again for the flowers. Talk to you soon Nikki.” She handed the phone back to me and ducked back to her side of the office.

I hung up the telephone and began to chuckle. “You laugh?” Allison growled.

“What’s the matter? Feeling old.” I teased.

“Bite me.” She snarled. I listened as she began to slam the drawers on her desk. I knew instantly what she was searching for.

“You threw them out.” I sang cheerfully.

“I did.” She groaned painfully. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you want to quit.” I answered as I turned on my computer.

“Oh yeah.” She sighed. “That must be why I threw out that pack I had hidden at home.”

“When was the last time you smoked?” I asked as I logged on.

She paused for a brief moment before answering. “Halloween.” I could tell by her tone of voice that she was telling the truth. “Good for you Allison. Now isn’t this a great way to kick off a new year.” I encouraged her.

“Manger moi.” Allison muttered just loud enough for me to hear.

“Now why do I think that wasn’t a thank you?” I retorted.

“No it wasn’t. ” Allison snorted in reply. “But I would certainly enjoy it.”

I reached into to my briefcase and retrieved a book I had checked out of the library on one of my late night work sessions. I quickly flipped open the copy of Beginners French. “Now let’s see.” I spoke aloud as I flipped threw the pages. “Manger.”

“What are you doing?” Allison gasped as she raced over to my desk. “Stop.” She pleaded.

“Here it is.” I smiled. “Manger means ‘eat’ and moi means ‘me’. I see.” I blushed as I spoke. “I must say you Harvard girls certainly have an elegant way of expressing yourselves. You know when it comes time to return this to the library, I might just go out and buy a copy. You just never know when it might come in handy.”

“I … I … . I …” Allison stammered.

“Give it a rest Harvard.” I laughed deciding to let her off the hook. “Since it’s your birthday I’ll let it slide.” Allison sighed in relief. “Oh and thanks for the offer.” I added with a wink. I doubted that I had ever seen anyone turn that particular shade of scarlet before.

For a brief moment it was as if the past few weeks hadn’t happened. No sexual tension, just the two of us joking as friends. I had to admit it felt good. Allison returned to her side of the office and began working on her computer. I decided to check my email there was the usually University mailings. Some from my students, regarding finals. There was also one from Peter. His made me slightly uneasy. He invited me to join him and his family for Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving was one week from today, where had the time gone? I emailed Peter back and thanked him for his offer, but I had to decline since we were no longer together I wouldn’t feel comfortable.

Seconds after sending my message I received a reply from him. It was very sweet and he invited me once again. I wrote back and used as much tact as I could muster and politely declined. There was no way I was going to get his or his family’s hopes up by attending the holiday gathering. I would just spend the day alone. Maybe Allison would let me use her kitchen so I could cook something up for myself make a day of it.

“Stephanie?” Allison called out from behind the wall. “I need to drive down to The Cape this weekend so I can lock up my house in Provincetown. Would you like to join me? I could show you around P-Town.” She offered hopefully.

“I … um … ” I stammered. “Say yes you idiot!” I paused for a moment a I tried to think of what I should do. I wanted go. I really wanted to go. I was about to tell her yes when she spoke.

“Never mind.” Allison offered grimly. “Forget I asked.” She added with false cheerfulness. Then she strolled out of the office and went off to her morning class. Once I was certain that Allison was out of earshot I began banging my head on my desk and repeatedly calling myself a moron.

Later that day I found myself rushing towards Allison’s classroom. It was her last class of the day and I knew that my surprise would be arriving soon. As I sped down the hallway I spotted my present strolling towards Allison’s classroom. She was an attractive blonde, dressed in a tuxedo carrying an enormous bouquet of balloons. I followed her into the classroom and hid in the back. Ignoring the obvious stares from the students and instructor the woman strolled down the aisle and walked right up to Allison. Poor Allison looked like a deer caught by oncoming headlights.

“I’m here to wish you a very Happy Birthday, Professor Kendell.” The blonde purred as she handed Allison the balloons. Then she did something that I had most definitely not requested she leaned over and kissed Allison on the cheek. The room exploded with hoots and hollers from the students. A chorus of Happy Birthday began as the blonde made her departure. I grabbed her by the arm and I spotted it instantly. She was gay, just my luck. “I didn’t pay you to kiss her penguin.” I growled menacingly into her ear. “I guess I just blew my tip?” She responded with a smirk. I just glared at her coldly and opened the door for her to leave. “Oh well it was worth it.” She sighed and winked at me before making a hasty exit.

The students were just finishing their second chorus of Happy Birthday while Allison read the card attached to the balloons. She smiled sweetly. “All right enough!” Allison chastised them the smile never leaving her lips. “Thank you Dr. Grant.” She offered without looking up at me. “You are most welcome Professor Kendell.” I replied rather pleased with myself. “So you knew I was here.” I thought to myself.

“I told you they were together.” I heard one student whisper to another. I chuckled softly to myself at the thought that Allison and I were already part of the small town gossip mill. “Okay settle down everyone.” Allison repeated over the chatter. “Now let’s get back to reviewing for the midterm.” The response was a collective groan from the students. Allison just shook her head and she looked up capturing me with her dazzling baby blues. “The hell with it.” She announced. “There is only a few minutes left and it’s my birthday. Go on get out of here.” The classroom cheered as the students quickly gathered up their belongings. “If anyone has any questions just stop by my office during my posted hours.” Allison added as her students quickly fled.

Allison was now sitting on her desk rubbing her eyes as I approached her. I gave her a playful nudge as I sat next to her. “Happy Birthday.” I whispered softly.

“Thank you.” She answered without meeting my eyes. “How did you know that I love balloons?”

“Because you are basically a really tall child.” I teased her giving her another playful nudge.

“Aah, so you have uncovered my secret at last.” She chuckled lightly still unable to look at me.

“I also noticed that you have a thing for white roses.” I added.

“Champagne.” She explained. “They are actually off white with a touch of pink on the tips of the petals. Those were from my parents and Chris. It’s funny really, Chris couldn’t remember to come home at night but she still remembers what my favorite flowers are. Women.” She scrunched up her face in a mocking grimace.

“Tell me about it.” I teased in return.

Allison barked a laugh and began playing with the balloons. “Hmm there are certainly a lot of them.” She smiled absently. “Are you busy tonight, would you like to go out for dinner?” She added hesitantly.

“Yes.” I responded quickly before I had a chance to think about it. Then I remember my plans with Rita. “Wait I have plans.”

“It’s okay.” She sighed dejectedly.

“But it’s you birthday.” I protested.

“No worries. I have a ton of work to do anyways.” She lied.

“Allison …” I began to protest.

“Stephanie really it’s fine.” She interrupted me. “Thank you again for the balloons.” She added as she finally looked over at me.

Our eyes met. There it was. I suddenly began to understand why it was so hard for her to look into my eyes. I felt it instantly. That look! My knees felt weak and suddenly I couldn’t breath. I leaned over to her and whispered, “Happy Birthday, Allison.” Our faces were a mere breath apart. I looked at her full lips as I licked my own. I began to close the slight distance between us, giving into what my body and heart were crying out for. At the last moment I pulled away, as the image of Courtney flashed through my mind. This was killing me. “How could she have chosen that child over me?” I looked back towards her and my resistance instantly vanished, as I reached for her once again.

This time it was Allison who broke away suddenly. I was surprised at first then once I managed to catch my breath, I reminded myself that Allison already had someone in her life. Without looking at me she casually offered me a ride home. “Sure.” I accepted her offer. “Good then you can grab the balloons.” She teased me. It was a struggle to get all of the balloons into the car. “Why did I order so many?” I grunted as we fought to get them into the Subaru. “Because I’m cute.” Allison pouted.

“No that’s not it.” I teased as I managed to get the back door closed. I watched as she continued to pout. “Nice try. Come on let’s get your flowers.” We returned to the office and gathered up the floral arrangements, and cards and the rest of our belongings. On the drive home neither of us spoke. I was secretly pleased with myself, for not mentally berating myself for my earlier actions. I knew that Allison felt it too. There was no need to beat myself up for making a pass at her. I had finally accepted that whatever was happening between us was not one sided.

CHAPTER TWELVE

When we returned home I brought the flowers upstairs to Allison’s apartment, while she struggled to get the balloons out of the car. As I reached the porch I saw that Allison had managed to free the balloons safely. Mrs. Giavanni was standing there holding a pie as she wished Allison a Happy Birthday. “Hello Mrs. Giavanni.” I greeted her. “These are beautiful Stephanie.” Our landlady beamed as she pointed to the balloons. “That was so nice of you.” She smiled. “Isn’t she nice Allison.” Mrs. Giavanni pushed.

“I’ll take the balloons, you can take the pie.” I offered quickly.

“She’s such a good girl.” Mrs. Giavanni went on. “Not like that Chris.”

“Tia Maria.” Allison snapped suddenly and pulled Mrs. Giavanni aside.

I struggled with the balloons as they whispered to each other. Allison’s slip had not escaped my notice. I placed the balloons in her living room and looked around. The one little slip had shed light on something that I had been curious about since I moved here. I turned as I heard Allison entering the apartment. “I didn’t know that you spoke Italian?” I asked trying to maintain a casual tone of voice.

“I don’t.” Allison replied absently.

“Really?”

“Mrs. Giavanni may have taught me a word or two.” Allison explained quickly. “Okay she’s lying. Now do I confront her with my suspicions or do I just drop the whole thing? Go ahead it’s been bugging you for months. The apartment, the way Allison dotes on her. The little clues piling up.”

“The two of you must be very close.” I began. “I don’t know much Italian myself but I do know that Tia Maria translates into Aunt Mary.” I tried to sound indifferent. “I think it is sweet the way that you look after her. You do her shopping, take care of her bills, you even tuck her in at night. Is that why she let you convert two apartments into one?”

“Ah … well it’s complicated.” Allison hedged.

“Allison are you my landlady?” I finally asked straight out. It wasn’t the first time I suspected it. Allison was the one who called the repairmen and I saw her on more than one occasion writing a check for their services. I also noticed that the tax bills were addressed to Allison.

“I am not your landlady.” Allison flatly denied.

“But you do own this house.” I stated directly.

“Only on paper.” Allison explained.

“And Mrs. Giavanni is your Aunt.” Again it was not a question. “Why the big secret?”

“Because she’s embarrassed.” Allison explained. “When my Uncle Joseph passed away both houses were paid for, but there was the upkeep to contend with. Plus the taxes, water, sewage and on and on. It was too much for her now that she was living on one social security check. She hated to raise the rents because the tenants were like family to her. I finally got her to raise the rents but then she got sick and the cost of maintaining her own home. So I just …”

“Did what you always do.” I added with a smile. “You stepped in and helped her. Just like you always have, like with your Grandfather’s debts and your sister’s drinking.”

“What can I say it’s the oldest child syndrome.” She agreed.

“So that’s why I got such a great deal on my rent?” I questioned her.

“It’s not what you think.” Allison explained quickly. “You were in a bind and I just wanted to help out. I did not have any hidden motives. I was just trying to be a friend.”

“I know that.” I scoffed at the implication. “You big dumb Amazon. You certainly have an interesting memory, if you recall I’m the one who keeps, I mean I was the one who kept trying to get you into bed not the other way around. You know the two of us have a lot in common. Always trying to take care of everyone but us. Always striving to succeed never considering failure as an option.”

“It’s true.” Allison agreed. “Hey wait a second. Big dumb Amazon! Just what is going on with you and my baby sister?”

“Huh?”

“The two of you are up to something.” Allison accused me.

“What?”

“Nicole is the only person who calls me that.” Allison explained. “Then she calls you this morning, so give what are the two of you conspiring?”

“Nothing.” I answered honestly.

“Then what gives?” Allison pushed not fully convinced of my innocence. “Why couldn’t she tell me why she called you? If the two of aren’t plotting something the only other reason she couldn’t tell me would be if the call was for professional reasons …” Allison’s face went pale. “Stephanie is everything all right?”

“Yes.” I groaned. “I’m fine and you’re right her call this morning was a professional call of sorts.” I watched as Allison began to tremble. “Get a hold of yourself. I fell while rollerblading last Sunday. I ended up in the ER at MGH, Nicole was the doctor who treated me. While I was there I expressed concerns with my present primary care physician and she arranged it so that Dr. Chang would take over as my doctor. That is all there is to it.”

“But if that is all it was, then why didn’t she just tell me?”

“Excuse me counselor?” I laughed. “I don’t really need to explain the law to you, do I?”

“No. ” She pouted and I had to admit she was damn cute when she did that. “Are you all right? Were you hurt?”

“There you go again. Taking on everyone else’s problems. Allison I scrapped my knee that is it.” I stated firmly and didn’t feel the need to add that I wouldn’t have sought out medical attention if my date hadn’t been such a complete wacko.

“You’re right.” She sighed. “It was the same with Wainwright & Griggs and why I stayed with Chris as long as I did. The day I walked away from both of those situations was the first time I felt like I was doing something just for me.”

“And you managed to walk away with your self respect. No small accomplishment.” I added.

“Well almost.” Allison chuckled at the admission. “I did throw Chris’ clothes out the window before I left. It was childish I know, but it felt great.”

I laughed at the image of the normally cool, calm and collected Allison hurling her lover’s belongings out a window. “Allison about tonight.” I began to say. “Don’t worry about it.” Allison cut me off. I took a deep breath and calmed myself before proceeding to talk to this stubborn woman. “I was just going to offer for you to join us.” I replied.

“Us?” She questioned me with surprise.

“Rita and I.” I explained. “We were just going dancing at The Galaxy. You and I could have dinner first and head into Cambridge.” I suggested.

“The Galaxy on a Thursday with Rita?” Allison said absently as she processed the information. “I don’t know, I would hate to feel like a third wheel.”

“You wouldn’t be.” I said quickly hoping to extinguish her fears. Judging by her stunned expression I was failing miserably. “Look Rita and I did go out once but there was no chemistry between us.” “Not like with you.”

“Does Rita know this?” She questioned me harshly.

“Yes.” I strongly answered her accusation. “We talked about it and now we are just friends. We go out dancing together and scope chicks.”

“Excuse me?” Allison roared with laughter. “You have been busy during my absence haven’t you?”

“I need to start living my life.” I answered honestly.

“And so you have.” Allison conceded quietly.

“Well I see that Aunt Mary still hates me.” A sultry voice boomed from the doorway. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the sight I found standing in the doorway. She was as tall as Allison with a well-toned and very beautiful body. Not to mention long sandy brown hair and legs that went on for days. My mouth just hung open overwhelming by her presence. “Can you blame her?” Allison responded dryly to the woman. “What are you doing here, Chris?” Allison question her suspiciously.

“Ally, it’s your birthday.” I cringed at the familiarity in which Chris addressed Allison. “You sounded a little down on the phone.” She smiled at Allison as her eyes scanned her body. “Besides it’s raining in New York.”

“Well it’s not raining here.” Allison shot back smugly.

“Pity.” Chris drawled as she continued to stare at Allison with a lecherous leer.

Allison just returned her gaze with an icy stare. I wanted to waltz over to Chris and wipe that smug expression off of her face. But judging by the size of Chris and my own shortcomings I assumed that she could probably hurt me. I opted for plan B and cleared my throat very loudly in an attempt to end their staring contest. Chris turned to me and captured my gaze with lustful hazel eyes. “Well hi there.” She purred.

“Chris!” Allison snapped harshly.

“Hmm?” Chris hummed as her eyes scanned my body.

“Chris. No!” Allison commanded her. There was something in her tone of voice that reminded me of someone trying to train a naughty puppy. I would not have been surprised to hear Allison command her to sit or fetch.

“Sorry.” Chris apologized to Allison. “Hi I’m Chris.” She directed towards me in a much more civil manner as she offered me her hand.

“Stephanie Grant.” I answered as I returned her strong handshake.

A single thought ran threw my mind as she released my hand. “Wow!” Chris then removed her overcoat and I was impressed all over again. The woman was clad in a tight pair of black leather pants and a mid cut black tank top, which slightly exposed her well-defined abs. And once again I thought. “Wow! My God when they were a couple they must have been the poster girls for drop dead gorgeous lesbians.”

“This isn’t very nice of you Ally.” Chris’ deep voice cooed. “I flew all the way up here because I was afraid that you were going to be all alone on your birthday. And here I find you all cozy with this cute little thing. Now why didn’t you tell me that you were seeing someone?”

“I’m not seeing anyone.” Allison stated firmly.

“Why was she lying?” Then it hit me, just where was little Courtney anyway? It wasn’t like her to pass up an opportunity like Allison’s birthday. Clever thing that she was must have known that it would allow her to one up me yet again. There was something missing here. From the tone of Allison’s voice I knew that she was telling the truth. Could it be that Courtney was finally out of the picture? My heart did a double back flip at the very idea, that Courtney had been given the heave ho.

“Really?” Chris responded coyly to Allison’s denial as she allowed her eyes to wander over my body. Without thinking about my actions I took a step towards Allison. Protectively she moved in front of me and held a cautioning hand up towards her ex-lover.

“Chris behave.” Allison warned once again.

“Make up your mind Allison.” Chris teased her. “If she’s not yours then she’s fair game.”

“Hey!” I piped up suddenly insulted that I was being treated like a first prize in a turkey shoot.

“Chris I’m warning you behave.” Allison growled. Chris threw up her hands in a mock surrender.

“I see you brought your briefcase.” Allison noted. “Is that my present a night pouring over old case files?”

“You seem surprised?” Chris laughed. “Hey what can I say? I thought we could slip some work in and I could bill the firm for my hours and the flight up here. I also thought we might slip something else in but I guess that’s out the question now.” She looked directly at me with an accusing stare. “Sorry to ruin your plans Stud.” I thought with self-satisfaction.

“Something’s never change.” Allison muttered as she headed off for the kitchen.

I found myself left alone with Allison’s larger than life ex-lover. Chris was once again eyeing me up and down. This time however there was nothing lustful in her gaze. This time I felt as if she was sizing me up the way a fighter would size up their opponent. “Nice balloons.” Chris called nonchalantly out to Allison.

“Thank you. They are a gift from Stephanie.” Allison answered brightly from the kitchen.

“Very nice.” Chris offered to me in a congratulatory tone. “Relax kid.” She smiled at me. “Despite what you must have heard about me from Ally’s friends and neighbors I am not the devil herself. A close relation perhaps.” She teased and smiled warmly and patted me gently on the arm. “Hey I was in love with her and I will always be jealous of anyone that is special to her. Trust me I don’t bite.” She whispered to me in a friendly manner. I sighed with relief as I understood what she had been doing. Chris had flirted with me to see how Allison would react. Then she made an attempt to scare me off. “Juries must just fall at this woman’s feet.”

“So has Allison told you that I’m a womanizing jerk yet?” She questioned me loudly. I stood there with my mouth hanging open, uncertain as how I could respond to her statement. Chris ignored my discomfort and made herself at home by plopping down on the sofa. “Oh course I did.” Allison answered brightly as she returned from the kitchen with a tray of coffee cups.

“Don’t worry Stephanie.” Chris reassured me. “We can finally joke about it now. I was a jerk and I lost her. No one to blame but myself. But you didn’t have to tossed my entire wardrobe out the fifth floor window.”

“You deserved it.” Allison said bluntly.

“True.” Chris admitted. “But my best Donna Karen did not.”

“Speaking of clothes Stephanie found one of your Tshirts.” Allison said as she placed the coffee cups on the table and motioned for me to join them. I took a seat at the far end of the sofa and accepted the mug of black coffee she offered to me.

“Which one?” Chris asked her enthusiastically as she reached for her coffee.

“Hold on.” Allison spoke as she retreated into her bedroom, returning quickly with the black t-shirt with the words ‘Obey Me’ printed across the front. Allison tossed it to Chris, who snatched up the garment happily. “I knew you took this you fink.” She smirked. “Wait a second. What do you mean Stephanie found it? What’s the deal with the two of you anyway?”

I couldn’t help but blush at her question as I recalled the night I first seen the t-shirt. I turned to Allison for help only to find her blushing as well. “Uh huh.” Was Chris’ only response. Allison in typical fashion shut her eyes and began to rub them. “Ugh. Don’t you just hate that?” Chris groaned as she looked directly at me.

“As a matter of fact I do.” I confessed.

“What?” Allison snapped as she glared at the both of us.

“That whole shutting the world out thing.” Chris explained bitterly. “It’s like if you shut your eyes to the situation it will just go away. It used to drive me insane. Oh and what about her morning concerts?” Chris directed her question towards me.

“I kind of like that.” I answered with a smile.

“What?” Chris snorted. “How could anyone enjoy having their living room turned into Woodstock every morning?”

“I still enjoy it, but then again I don’t live here.” I explained.

“I see.” Chris said slyly. “Then how pray tell do you know about her seven am concerts?”

“Because my apartment is directly below this one.” I explained hoping to nip her suspicions in the bud.

“How convenient” Chris purred. “Is that how you two gals met?”

“No.” I was losing ground fast and Allison appeared to have been stricken mute. “We work together.” I offered lamely.

“Hey so your a history Professor as well?” Chris sounded genuinely interested.

“Actually I’m a PHD.” I corrected her without boasting.

“So it’s Dr. Grant then.” Chris complimented me. “Hey that means she out ranks you Allison.”

“Whatever.” Allison grumbled.

“I’m hungry.” Chris announced. “So are you going to allow me to take the two of you out to dinner?”

“Stephanie has plans.” Allison blurted out quickly.

“Not until ten o’clock.” I spoke up. “I’m meeting a friend at The Galaxy for some dancing.” I explained to Chris. “I was just trying to coax the birthday girl into joining us when you arrived.”

“Dinner and dancing, now that sounds like a plan.” Chris accepted eagerly. “Great idea. Why don’t you gals go get changed. We can eat at that Mexican restaurant that Allison is so found of. If I remember correctly it isn’t too far from the club.”

“I don’t know.” Allison hesitated.

“I know, tequila.” Chris teased her.

“Horny and stupid.” I added with a laugh. Chris joined in on the laughter as Allison turned her back on us.

“Allison is there a problem?” Chris questioned her in a serious tone.

“No.” Allison muttered as she turned back to us.

“Then lighten up.” Chris pushed. “It’s your birthday and two beautiful women want to take you out on the town. I should be so lucky.”

“Fine, I’ll get ready.” Allison gave in and stomped off into her bedroom.

I excused myself and followed Allison into the bedroom. “Are you okay with this?” I asked her quietly.

“Yes.” Allison answered softly. “I really wanted to have dinner with you tonight. It’s just that Chris can be somewhat of a steamroller at times.”

“I’ve noticed.” I answered. “She isn’t what I expected. I actually like her.”

“I told you that Chris gets a bad rap.” Allison agreed.

“Well I think she is very nice.” I admitted. “She’s also very …”

“Attractive.” Allison finished for me. “Yes, Chris is a beautiful woman. Unfortunately Chris is all too aware of that fact herself.”

“Hey what’s with the sad look?”

“Nothing.” Allison pouted.

“Allison I am not interested in your ex.” I explained sensing that my early comment might have made her uncomfortable.

“Am I really that easy to read?”

“Sometimes, yes you are.” I answered with a smile.

“I didn’t like the way she was flirting with you.” Allison confessed.

“That’s why she did it.”

“Huh?”

“Forget it.” I sighed. “Get dressed so we can take you out for your birthday. Don’t forget it’s your night so anything you want …”

“Anything?” She asked as she licked her lips. It was far too tempting to resist. I stepped closer to her and leaned into her firm body.

“Anything.” I answered seductively. “What is your wish birthday girl?”

“Just this.” Allison replied as she lower her lips to capture my own. The kiss quickly deepened as I felt her tongue brush against my lips. Instinctively I parted my lips and allowed her to enter my mouth. I moaned as our tongues danced together. I could feel my body being lowered onto her bed. “Hey what’s taking you two so long?” Chris shouted from the living room. We groaned in unison as we broke apart and climbed off of the bed.

I stomped off without looking at Allison. A part of me simply wanted to rip Chris’ head off. Instead I muttered something about being back soon. I went downstairs and caught my breath after entering my apartment. I showered quickly. I pulled on a new pair of black jeans as I tried to forget what had occurred in Allison’s bedroom. I then put on a new silk camisole that matched my teal silk blouse that I purchased recently. I looked good I told myself as I check myself one last time in the bathroom mirror.

I raced back upstairs eager to see Allison. I was just about to open when the door when I heard shouting coming from within. “Why not?” Chris asked anxiously.

“It’s complicated.” Allison answered in exasperation.

“Allison, not again.” Chris chastised her. “It’s always something, isn’t? Stop being such a coward.”

“Did you fly all the way up here, just to give me a lecture.” Allison argued with her.

I decided that my newfound hobby of eavesdropping needed to come to an end, I knocked on the door and entered quickly. I felt my breathing halt suddenly. Allison had changed into a pair of faded blue jeans and a white tank top. She was standing with her back to me. There was something about the sight of this woman’s backside wrapped in well-worn denim that was my undoing. I shifted my gaze from her well-defined butt only to find myself drooling over her the sight of her back. I flushed as I leered at her back. It didn’t help matters that I was thinking about the kiss we had shared earlier. “This is going to be a long night.”

I was relieved as Allison put on a black men’s blazer. Now I could make it through the evening without staring at her back like some lecher. “Hi.” Allison said as she turned to me. “You look great.” She said as a slight blush crept across her normally dark complexion.

“Back at you.” I answered as I noticed how absolutely adorable she looked.

Unfortunately I was not the only one who noticed. Chris stood up and quickly moved beside and adjusted the collar on her jacket. Then she gently caressed Allison’s face. “You look beautiful.” She whispered sweetly and as I clenched my fists in anger. “Thanks.” Allison muttered as she took a slight step away from Chris. I looked at the two of them standing next to each other. My early bravado vanished. Suddenly I felt like one of the ugly stepsisters from Cinderella.

Pitifully I slumped down onto the sofa and wished that I could simply disappear. I looked at the coffee table that was now covered with a stack of papers. Something caught my eye, it was a date. One that was all too familiar to me. Chris crossed quickly over and began to gather of the papers. “Chris it doesn’t matter.” Allison stated abruptly. “I trust Stephanie.” My heart warmed slightly with her declaration. Granted she wasn’t pledging her undying love to me but it was a nice gesture just the same.

“Are you certain?” Chris question her in a very professional manner. “No offense Stephanie.” She added half heartedly as she shoved the papers into her briefcase and snapped it shut. Chris then crossed back over to Allison and touched her gently on the arm.

“None taken” I said honestly as I understood completely that she was only doing her job. “I understand.” Truth be told I didn’t care if Chris out and out accused me of spying, hell she could of accused me of kidnapping the Lindberg baby … just as long as she stopped touching Allison. “Chris, I’ve nothing to hide from Stephanie.” Allison added in a harsh tone as she once again stepped away from Chris’ grasp. “I’ve been accused of bribing a jurist.” Allison explained to me.

“What?” I gasped.

“Allison!” Chris cautioned her.

“Let it go Chris.” Allison warned her.

“All right.” Chris grumbled.

“Allison?” I voiced my concern over the seriousness of the situation.

“Don’t worry they can’t touch her.” Chris added in a serious tone. “First off the statue of limitations has run out.”

“No.” Allison cut in. “First off I didn’t do this.”

“I know.” Chris reassured her.

I realized at that moment despite some of her personal short fallings Chris was a very good lawyer. Watching the way she handled herself when she wasn’t flirting, Chris proved to be quite an impressive figure. This woman could sell ice to an Eskimo. Of course there was one little problem with Chris, and that was Allison. I hated the ease between the two. The little intimacies that showed that they had once been a couple. I knew it was a fact of life, just the same it worked my nerves.

“So then why are they bothering with this?” I asked in hopes of drawing out Chris’ instincts as a lawyer. Perhaps that would keep her from touching Allison.

“The ADA is using the RICO stature. He is claiming that the firm was involved in a string of illegal activities.” Chris answered as she approached me. My plan was working. “If he can prove this then he can turn it into a federal case. But his case is falling apart. We’ve managed to clear away most of the charges. With the exception of the one against Allison.”

“If that is the case then how is he hoping to prosecute Allison?” I questioned. “RICO implies an ongoing racketeering case. Right? If the other charges have been dropped, and the statue of limitations of bribery has expired he cannot bring charges against Allison.”

“Very good.” Chris answered. “That’s true but Allison won’t allow me to go to a judge and have the case dismissed.”

“I’m not going to have people think that I did this.” Allison fumed. “Chris you know as well as I do that people will always assume that I’m guilty and I simply used my name to get out of it. Plus I could still be disbarred. That would kill me parents. I need to prove my innocence.”

“It’s a mute point Allison.” Chris shot back. “He can’t proceed with it.”

“I didn’t do this!” Allison responded angrily. “Hell I didn’t have to. That case was garbage. Even if it wasn’t I would never break the law. My name is on the line and I’m not letting Simon Brenner drag it through the mud!”

“That’s really what this is all about isn’t!” Chris shot back.

“Who is Simon Brenner?” I asked innocently.

“Jessica Beaumont’s husband.” Allison explained bitterly.

“Well I guess you two really don’t have any secrets.” Chris smirked. “I think it’s personal for him.”

“It’s not like he knew.” Allison said with disgust.

“Not about her.” Chris began slowly. “But every time you went up against Simon in court you made a fool out of him.”

“So I’m petty.” Allison sighed. “But I never broke the law.”

“You do have an alibi for the night of the twenty second.” Chris pointed out. “That alone could end this. I mean if this bozo is lying about one of the dates it casts a doubt on the rest of his story.”

“I can’t use Higgins.” Allison groan in desperation. “I’ve already explained that to you. If the judge or Brenner questions him about what we were doing together he’ll have to perjure himself.”

“So?” Chris shot back.

“Counselor may I remind you that suborning perjured testimony is a crime.” Allison shot back. “I can’t go to a judge and tell the truth about what I was doing with Higgins. Somehow I don’t think that telling a judge that I couldn’t have possibly been bribing a juror on that day since I was busy committing a different crime would help my cause any.”

“Excuse me?” I questioned her.

“Higgins is a professional deprogrammer.” Allison explained. “I was meeting with him all day and night making plans to have my brother snatched from the cult he joined.”

“Isn’t it an alibi?” I asked confused by how that would be a bad thing.

“It’s also kidnapping.” Allison replied grimly.

“I guess I never looked at it that way.” I sighed. “I suppose legally trying to save someone from a bad situation doesn’t count if they are there by choice. I could help you.”

“That’s sweet but only the truth can help me.” Allison smiled as she answered me.

“I can help you.” I repeated. “And I can do it without lying.” Allison and Chris looked at me strangely. “I couldn’t help but notice the dates written on one of the sheets of paper. One of them caught my eye. On the twenty sixth of August 1989 you were standing on the sidewalk in front of your office building yelling at me.”

“What?” Allison gasped.

“What time was that?” Chris asked with enthusiasm.

“I don’t know the exact time.” I explained. “But I distinctly recall that I caught the six twenty train back to New Haven.”

“How can you be so certain about the date?” Chris pushed in full lawyer mode.

“How could I forget, it was my birthday and I was in tears.” I answered honestly. I had never intended of letting Allison know that her actions that had hurt me so deeply happened on my birthday. But if telling her helped her out of this mess, I had to do it.

“You made her cry?” Chris shot out at Allison. “Hey this helps.” She said suddenly. “Your secretary has you leaving the building at five fifteen and your time prior to that is accounted for. It isn’t enough but it defiantly closes the gap. Stephanie would you be willing to give a deposition?”

“Of course.” I answered without a second thought. I looked over at Allison and was surprised to see the sullen expression on her face.

“Great.” Chris was almost cheering with joy. “Now if we could just figure out where you were for the rest of that evening and the following one this will all be over.”

“I was probably with you.” Allison muttered. “She’s lying.” I thought to myself.

“No you weren’t.” Chris answered with her professional tone. “I’ve already checked my old appointment books. And we did not start seeing each other until the following week.”

“I can’t believe I made you cry on your birthday.” Allison groaned. “God I’m such an ass.”

“Allison it was over ten years ago.” I groaned. “Let it go. Speaking of birthday’s this is no way to spend yours. You have been promised dinner and dancing now let’s get going. The only legal talk I want to hear for the rest of the evening is whether or not we should risk parking in a tow zone got it!”

“Fine by me.” Chris agreed. “But in light of this new information dinner is definitely on Wainwright & Griggs.”

As we gathered our coats I caught Allison smiling out of the corner of my eye. I let Chris exit the apartment ahead of us. I quickly pulled Allison aside. “And just what are you smiling at?” I asked her.

“I remember.” Allison spoke softly forcing me to lean in to hear her words. “Not everything mind you but I remember you. I was supposed to meet Nikki or so I thought. When I found out my meeting was with some kid working on her thesis I was furious. I remember you standing on that sidewalk in faded blue jeans and a Yale jacket that was far too big for you. I remember your long strawberry blonde hair, it seemed to glow in the sunlight. I also remembering thinking that I thought you looked incredibly hot and if only I wasn’t involved.”

“What?” Now I was confused. “Chris just said that the two of you weren’t together yet?”

“Oh right.” Allison answered a shade too quickly. “Maybe I don’t remember everything. If I could I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“Uh huh.” I grunted as I wondered why she was lying? “I was still hot though?” I teased.

“Oh yeah.” Allison answered with deep sigh.

Chris began to call for us to hurry up. As I began to descend the staircase I heard Allison whispering. “You still are.” I spun around quickly causing her face to turn a deep shade of crimson. “Good.” I retorted with a wink and turned away from her and headed down the staircase before she could see the blush racing across my face.

Allison drove us to The Church Street Cafe, Amy was once again tending bar. I was more than pleased to find her behavior much more professional this time. Of course after the last time I doubt that she would still consider Allison being swayed by her charms. Chris on the other hand flirted with the girl outrageously. This made me very happy. During dinner I limited myself to just one margarita, with Chris’ encouragement Allison had three and was just a little tipsy. At the end of the meal the waiters sang Happy Birthday to Allison as the entire restaurant cheered. When we left the restaurant I insisted on driving.

We arrived at The Galaxy a little after ten and I checked our coats quickly. I found Allison and Chris seated at Teresa’s bar ordering another round of drinks. I opted for spring water. I searched the crowd and quickly found Rita. As I crossed the room to greet her, I glanced back at the bar to find Chris caressing Allison’s shoulder. Then she bent down and whispered something in her ear, which caused Allison to laugh brightly.

I just stood there watching them feeling like an idiot. It wasn’t until I felt a hand touching my shoulder that I stopped staring. I spun around and found Rita smiling at me. “There you are.” She exclaimed. “I was beginning to think that I had been stood up.”

“Sorry I’m late. I had dinner with one of my colleagues for her birthday.” I explained. “I hope you don’t mind but I invited her and an old friend of hers to join us.”

“The more the merrier.” Rita answered. “Is she cute?”

“She’s … beyond words.” I answered absently.

“Uh Huh.” Rita responded.

“Come on I’ll introduce you.” I took Rita by the arm and led her back towards Allison and Chris.

As we approached the giggling duo Rita’s jaw dropped. “Allison?” She exclaimed cheerfully.

“Rita.” Allison responded and greeted her with a warm hug. “This day was just getting worse and worse. Maybe there’s a hole around here I could crawl into.”

“Rita this is Chris.” Allison made the introduction. “Rita and I were at Wellesley together.” Allison explained to both Chris and I.

“I hear that it’s your birthday, Allison.” Rita gushed. “That calls for a round of drinks.” Rita waved Teresa over and order a round of margaritas. I politely declined explaining that someone had to drive. As I listened to them chatter about the old days, I was suddenly the odd woman out again.

“Do you remember that time during finals?” Rita asked Allison. “What was it freshman year?”

“Sophomore.” Allison corrected her.

“God you really shocked everyone.” Rita laughed.

“Oh please our dormitory floor was the queerest on campus.” Allison scoffed.

“You two are not going to believe what the prim and proper Miss Kendell did.” Rita began to explain as Allison began to blush. “It was during finals and everyone was so stressed. So Allison in her infinite wisdom decided to relieve the tension as it were. So she streaked down the hallway screaming ‘come out come out where ever you are!’”

“Streaked?” Chris leered. “Do you mean that you…?”

“Yes. I ran buck naked down the hallway.” Allison laughed. “Hey I was nineteen.” She added defensively.

“Well it certainly lifted everyone’s spirits.” Rita added.

“I bet it did.” Chris answered as she lick her lips.

I thought I was going to be sick. Just then Rita touched me on the arm. “I can hear that new Cher song playing in the other room, let’s dance.” She asked me sweetly.

“I’ll go.” Chris offered quickly.

“Maybe later.” Rita said coolly. “Stephanie owes me a dance.” Rita dragged me off before I could respond.

Much to my surprise Rita dragged me into the lounge instead of the front dance room. “Allison Kendell?” She asked quickly. I just stared at her blankly. “Allison Kendell?” She repeated. I was still at a loss. “Stephanie is she the one that you were telling me about?”

“Yes.” I admitted reluctantly.

“I knew it. I could tell by that goofy look on your face.” Rita said.

“Hey?” I shot back indignantly.

“I’m confused.” Rita blurted out.

“Why are you confused?” I asked in bewilderment. “I’m not the one speaking in code.”

“First I need to explain a few things to you.” Rita started. “Years ago there was this women’s bar in the financial district called Somewhere Else. It burnt down a long time ago. But in it’s hey day Allison’s reputation would walk in about ten minuets before she did.”

“Great.” I muttered.

“Relax.” Rita tried to reassure me. “That was a long time ago. Personally I think that a lot of women lied about being with her. But once she got into Harvard her only interests were in her studies. Then she went off to New York and left a string of broken hearts behind her.”

“I know all of this.” I butted in. “New York was where she met Chris and Jessica. New York where she had a life long before she ever laid eyes on my sorry ass.” My pity party seemed to be in full swing.

“What you don’t know is that since she came back to Boston, that everyone and I do mean everyone and their sister has been trying to get up close and personal with her. I mean she’s beautiful, successful and rich. Allison is quite the catch.”

“Is this supposed to be cheering me up?” I groused.

“Yes.” Rita answered with a cocky smirk. “You told me that you were trying to get over someone that was involved.”

“That’s because she is or was, I’m not really sure anymore.” I tried to explain.

“No she’s not.” Rita argued. “And she certainly wouldn’t take Chris back.”

“I know that.” I snapped. “She is seeing this youngster named …”

“Courtney.” Rita cut me off. “A little brunette about yeh tall.” She held her hand up at the appropriate height. “A little too perky for her own good.” Rita added.

“That’s her.”

“They are not together.” Rita asserted strongly. “They had one date and Allison shot her down.”

“What are you talking about I’ve seen her leaving Allison’s apartment?”

“Stephanie I ran into Courtney around the beginning of the month and she was with someone else. Not only that she was bitching about how all she got from the high and mighty Miss. Kendell was the cold shoulder.”

“I don’t understand?” I exclaimed in frustration.

“Don’t you?” Rita retorted. “Courtney set you up, so she could keep you away from Allison. Stephanie trust me on this, if Allison Kendell had a girlfriend I would have heard something.”

“How?”

“Stephanie sweetie, Boston maybe a big city but in many way it is a very small town.” Rita explained. “I’ll prove it to you. Chris is Allison’s ex-lover. They lived together in New York for a couple of years. They met while working at the same law firm. They split up because Chris was cheating on her. Allison caught her in the act when she came home unrepentantly one night.”

“Okay that is spooky.” I gasped.

“Not really.” Rita answered. “When Allison blew back into town who do you think were the people she called first?”

“Her old college friends.” I smacked myself mentally at the sudden realization.

“Of course.” Rita affirmed. “That is half the point of attending the colleges that we did, the connections. Allison came home and was forced to start all over again. Being the bright girl that she is she called on her old cronies to help her get reestablished. Both socially and professionally.”

“Then why is Courtney at her apartment constantly?” I asked absently as I tried to piece together the events of the past few weeks.

“You’re not spying on her are you?” Rita questioned me cautiously.

“No, of course not.” I answered quickly understanding Rita’s concerns. “I live in the apartment below her.”

“Convenient.” Rita said with sly look.

“For all the good it does me.” I grumbled.

“Stephanie trust me on this, Allison is single.” Rita reassured me with a slight squeeze on my shoulder. “Hey think about it. If there was someone special in her life right now, then why aren’t they here on her birthday?”

“This is driving me insane.” I growled. “None of this makes any sense. Come on let’s dance before my head explodes.”

Rita just laughed and led me out onto the dance floor. I was enjoying dancing with Rita, happy to be lost in some pleasant thoughts. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a very startling sight. Allison and Chris were dancing together. It pained me to admit it but they looked good together. They moved in perfect harmony with each other. Why wouldn’t they? After all they use to be lovers. I wasn’t the only one who noticed the two. Men and women alike were staring openly at the attractive couple. “How could I compete with that? Maybe I don’t have to. Think about it girl, remember earlier tonight in Allison’s bedroom.”

I continued dancing with Rita and tried to relax but thoughts of the kiss that Allison and I had shared earlier kept running through my mind. I lost sight of Allison and Chris. Unaware that I was ignoring Rita I kept searching for them. “Come on.” Rita finally groaned as she grasped my hand and led me off of the dance floor. “God you’ve got it bad girl.” She groaned as she dragged me over to Daisy’s bar and order us a couple woo woo shots. I downed mine quickly without even thinking. The liquor tasted so sweet it was hard to believe that there was alcohol in it. “I can’t leave you alone for a minute can I?” A soft contralto voice whispered in my ear as two familiar hands caressed my shoulders.

I leaned back into Allison’s body. I looked over to Rita grinning and Chris scowling. “Does anyone want another drink?” Chris offer with a hint of harshness to her voice. I waved off her offer as Allison wrapped her arms around my waist. “Just a Poland Springs.” Allison said. “I think I need to sober up a little.”

“I’ll have another one.” Rita smiled up at Chris.

Chris returned Rita’s smile and ordered their drinks. “Oh no.” Rita groaned as she accepted her drink from Chris. We all looked at her oddly. “What is it?” I asked.

“Issue girl at twelve o’clock and she is heading this way.” Rita sighed.

“No, tell me that you’re joking.” I dropped my head knowing it was true.

“Sorry Stephanie.” Rita apologized. “And she’s already seen you.”

“Allison would you do me a favor?” I asked as I looked up into a pair of very confused blue eyes.

“Anything.” She answered honestly.

“Kill me now.” I groaned.

“Huh?” Allison pulled me closer and shook her head.

“Who is issue girl?” Chris asked.

“Stephanie’s date from hell.” Rita tried to explain as I felt Allison stiffen from behind me.

“You mean the good looking woman heading this way?” Chris asked. “What is wrong with her?”

“She’s not that good looking.” I heard Allison muttered as she turned to see Josie.

“She has issues.” I said bluntly.

“Oh.” Allison and Chris groaned in unison. “But still, she is good looking and everyone has baggage.” Chris was grasping at straws. “With Regis Philbin? With M&M’s, the internet and television?” I tried to explain.

“Now that’s just un-American.” Allison snorted.

“Stephanie?” Josie called out to me in an accusing tone.

“Hi.” I answered dryly. I could feel Allison pulling me closer to her in a protective manner.

“Sweetheart, I have been so worried about you.” Josie went on ignoring Allison’s growl. “It was all I could talk about in therapy this week. I must say I’m surprised that you didn’t call me.”

“Josie, I’m sorry but it was just one date.” I explained.

“We have a connection Stephanie.” Josie went on. “If it wasn’t for that idiot doctor in the emergency room.” She huffed as I tensed. “I have a real issues with her.”

“You’re not talking about my sister are you?” Allison asked in a controlled yet frightening tone.

“Oh no.” Chris gasped in fear.

“Would you like to dance Chris?” Rita asked hurriedly and with that they both disappeared leaving me wedged between an angry ex-lawyer who I suspected was a black belt and the clueless issue girl.

“Who are you?” The clueless wonder had the nerve to snap at Allison.

“I’m Stephanie’s partner.” Allison replied dryly. I felt no need to correct her, I liked the way it sounded when Allison referred to me as her partner.

“I don’t think so.” Josie challenged her.

“And I think you should leave.” Allison growled.

“You look like you have some anger management problems.” Josie retorted as if that was going to save her.

“And you look like a bleeder.” Allison replied coldly. I could see Daisy stiffen from behind the bar preparing for trouble.

“Okay that’s it.” I said finally as I stepped away from Allison positioning myself between the two. I placed a calming hand on Allison chest. “Josie goodbye.” I waved my hand at her to shoo her away and then turned to Allison. “Allison go drink your water and give Daisy an extra tip for worrying him.” Allison muttered something under her breath and slinked over to the bar and followed my instructions. Josie just stared at me.

“Look Josie I’m with Allison.” I liked the way that sounded. “Now please leave because frankly you are working my nerves.” Josie looked horrified as she stomped off. I just rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to a certain tall beauty that was pouting as she sipped her bottle of water. I walked over to her.

“She seemed nice.” Allison teased. “How did you ever let her get away?”

I slapped her playfully in the stomach and held a cautioning finger. “It’s a good thing it’s your birthday kiddo.” I warned her. “You know she did.” I said thoughtfully.

“Did what?”

“Seem nice.” I explained. “When I first met her here, she seemed perfectly normal. It wasn’t until I got her out in the light of day that she turned out to be a complete wacko. So are you enjoying your birthday?”

“Hmm.” She answered. “I liked my presents.”

“The flowers or the balloons?” I asked.

“The balloons but that wasn’t the best one.”

“No?” I played along sensing where this was going.

“Nope.” She teased. “The best one was the one received in my bedroom earlier tonight.”

“What was that?” I feigned innocence. “Oh you mean this one.” I reached up and curled my fingers through her hair and pulled her down to me. I pressed my lips against her and kissed her. The kiss deepened quickly as I ran my tongue across her lips. She parted her own lips and granted me access into the warmth of her mouth. I pressed my body against hers as she ran her hands down my back. We broke the kiss as the need to breath became overwhelming.

“Yeah that was the one.” Allison moaned as I teased her forearm by tracing a pattern on her bare skin with my fingers. Not for the first time tonight I was happy that she had me check her blazer.

“I don’t think so.” I said playfully. “As I recall we were lying on your bed and I had just started to grant your birthday wish when we were interrupted.”

“Seems to be a pattern with us.” She laughed. “Dance with me?”

“Are you trading your earlier wish for a dance?” I toyed with her.

“No.” Allison answered seductively. “I still want to finish that, but if we try to do that here I think we might get arrested. For now I will accept a dance.”

“Okay.” I agreed as I took her hand. “Just one thing. Is Chris staying with you tonight?”

“Not a chance.” Allison reassured me.

“Good.” I responded as I squeezed her hand and led her out onto the dance floor.

As we stepped out onto the dance floor our bodies instinctively pulled together. We swayed in perfect rhythm to a remix of ‘Downtown’. As she pulled me even closer to her I felt my breath escaping my body. I was certain that my heart would stop beating at any moment. As the next song started I ran my hands up her arms. I have no idea what song was playing. I was completely unaware of the music or the other people dancing around us. At that moment in time my only lucid thoughts were of her. I felt her hand gently grip my waist. We moved closer together. Our bodies pressed together only our breath separating us all of this done under the veil of dancing. We swayed in time as our hips melted together. Her breath was hot against my neck. My hands found the way down and were caressing her well-toned backside.

Suddenly the music stopped and could I hear the DJ’s voice thanking everyone for coming as the room was flooded with bright white lights. The spell would have been broken if only we weren’t still standing there holding each other. We both sighed as we spotted Chris and Rita approaching us hand in hand. “The ugly lights are on. Time to go.” Chris grunted.

“Ugly lights?” I questioned.

“That’s what they call it when the house lights come on at the end of the night.” Rita explained. “Often between the drinking and the dimly lit dance floor you never get a good look at who you are with. The end of the night can prove to quite disappointing if not shocking at times.”

“I’m hungry.” Chris said suddenly. “Who wants to get something to eat?” She asked as we just stared at her dumbfounded. “What?” She snarled.

“How can you be hungry again?” Allison scoffed.

“I’m a growing girl.” Chris retorted as she patted her well-toned stomach.

“Unbelievable.” Allison grumbled.

While we waited in the seemingly endless line for the coat check Chris managed to convince us to go to an all night diner located in the south end. Chris also managed to get Rita’s email address with relative ease. The girl was smooth; I had to give her that. I was secretly pleased to see Chris and Rita hitting it off. Of course my pleasure was born from a selfish desire to keep Chris as far away from Allison as possible. Allison stood beside me the entire time, her arm never leaving my waist. “Chris when is your flight?” Allison asked suddenly. “Are you sure that you have time to catch a bite to eat?”

“Not a problem.” Chris reassured her. “I can catch a shuttle out in the morning.”

“It is morning.” Allison pointed out.

“Trying to ditch me Ally?” Chris made an attempt to sound playful but fell short as a hint of bitterness crept through.

Chris’ question was followed by an awkward silence. Which Chris herself finally broke. “The truth is that I’m not expected back at the office until after the holiday. I can fly back anytime.” Chris explained.

“Uh huh.” Was Allison’s only response.

“I thought I could spend sometime in Boston.” Chris added. “You know so we can work on the case.”

“Unbelievable.” Allison muttered.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to put the pieces together. Chris thinking that Allison would be alone on her birthday flew up to Boston in hopes of catching her in a vulnerable state. I had to give credit where credit was due it was a good plan. It would appear that I had thrown a monkey wrench into Chris’ plans and she was none to happy about it. “Fine.” Chris spoke finally as we retrieved our coats. “We’ll just grab a bite to eat. Then drive back to Haven so I can pick up my rental car and then I will be on my way.” Chris seemed to be conceding but not entirely, I couldn’t help but notice. I quickly did the math in my head. By the time we would leave the club, drove across town, eat and then drove back to Haven it would be about time for Allison and I had to go to work. “You certainly are a clever girl, Chris. You won’t be sleeping with Allison tonight and you’re making damn sure that I won’t be either.”

There was no way I was going to give up so easily this time. I knew that Allison was ready to invite me to spend the night. I pulled Allison closer and leaned up so I could whisper in her ear. “Feel like playing hooky tomorrow?” I suggested in a husky tone.

“Why Dr. Grant?” She answered me with a slight blush and a lustful gaze.

She never answered me though? Perhaps I had read the signals wrong. “No way.” I thought to myself. I was questioning myself once again when I found myself sitting in a small diner at four am. Chris had order an enormous amount of food and was taking her time eating. I simply ordered coffee, while Allison had settled on the clam platter. Another hour passed as Chris rambled on endlessly about anything and everything. I was on my seventh cup of coffee when I noticed that Allison had grown strangely quiet. I looked over at her with concern as I noticed that her normally dark complexion had paled.

“Hey I just noticed something.” Chris said suddenly breaking me away from my thoughts. “You’re not smoking.”

“I quit.” Allison responded in a somewhat confused state.

“I’ve heard that one before.” Chris replied in disbelief.

“It’s true.” I defended Allison. “She has not had a cigarette since the first of the month.”

“No kidding?” Chris asked. “Good for you Ally. I know that this is something that you always wanted to do.”

There was a slight pause in the conversation as I looked back over at Allison. The woman looked terrible. “Are you all right?” I finally asked her. “I’m fine.” She offered with a wave of her hand. “Just a little tired.” Although I didn’t believe her I decided to let it go for now. Chris went back to talking about her favorite subject, which was of course herself.

“I find it hard to believe that no one asked you out in high school?” I found myself saying to Chris about twenty minutes later. Somehow the tall lawyer had managed to engage me in conversation.

“No one did.” Chris explained. “All of the boys thought I was too tall. By the time I was sixteen I was already six feet tall. By the time the guys thought I was interesting, I discovered that I wasn’t interested in them. Of course my not dating caused some concern with my parents. I remember the day I graduated from law school they were so proud. I decided it was time to tell them the truth about myself. My Mom burst into tears and My Dad threw me out of the house. I haven’t spoken to them since.”

“Their loss.” Allison said bluntly as she absently rubbed her temple.

“Not all of us can have parents like yours Ally.” Chris replied earnestly.

Allison smiled slightly. “Oh yeah my coming out was easy.” She said in a shaky voice. “I was seventeen and they walked in on me and my girlfriend making out in my bedroom. They were relieved when I started dating boys again. Then after I went away to school I decided it was time to sit them down and have ‘the talk’. I was terrified and I will never forget what they said.”

“Well what did they say?” I asked.

“Do we look stupid?” Allison said with a chuckle. “That was it. From then on they just simply accepted me for who I was.”

“What about your parents Stephanie?” Chris asked me.

“They are both dead.” I explained.

“I’m sorry.” Chris answered with genuine kindness.

I was about to thank Chris for her kindness when I noticed that Allison was shaking slightly. “Allison?” I placed a hand on her shoulder. “What?” She answered absently.

“I think we need to get you home.” I said quickly.

“Probably just the tequila.” Allison tried to explain as she slumped over slightly.

“Chris?” I called to her in alarm. Without a word Chris jumped out of her seat and was helping Allison up. “I’ll take her the car.” Chris offered.

“I’ll get the check.” I volunteered.

Allison stumbled slightly as she stood her face turned an unnatural shade of green. “I think maybe I’ll take her to the ladies room first.” Chris said quickly as she rushed Allison towards the restrooms at the back of the diner. I motioned for the waitress and quickly paid the check. I raced towards the restrooms to help them. Just as I approached the bathroom the door swung open. Chris struggled to hold Allison up. I moved to Allison other side and helped Chris drag her outside to the car. As we placed Allison in the backseat I felt her forehead. She was burning up.

“I don’t think it’s the tequila sweetie.” I said to Allison. Chris climbed into the backseat and held Allison.

“I have to agree.” Chris said fearfully. “Based on the way that ladies room looked I have a bad feeling about the clams.”

“Mass. General is just a few minutes away.” I agreed as I plopped into the driver’s seat and sped off.

When we pulled up to the front of the hospital I put the car in park and rushed over to assist Chris with Allison. Chris reached into Allison’s pocket only to have her hands swatted away. “Hey I’m not trying to feel you up.” Chris snapped, “I need to get your wallet. ” She reached down again and was once again pushed away. “Stephanie?” Chris pleaded. “We need her insurance card.” I nodded understanding the urgency. I slipped my hands inside Allison’s jacket and reached in the pocket of her jeans and pulled out her wallet. Not only did Allison not refuse my advances she pulled me closer to her. “Jesus Allison.” Chris laughed as I pulled myself away from Allison’s embrace. I pulled her insurance card from her wallet and handed it to Chris and shoved Allison’s wallet into my pocket.

Just then a security guard began barking at me to move the car. “Do you know if Nicole is still listed as her contact person?” Chris asked me quickly. “Probably.” I said as I hopped into the car. “Oh Chris!” I called out to her as she was entering the ER. “I think Nicole is on duty tonight you might want to have someone page her.” I suggested as I pulled away.

I parked the car in one of the large parking garages and ran off to the emergency room. The placed was full of people. I found Chris and inquired as to what was happening. “They are seeing her now.” Chris explained. “By the looks of it the clams at the diner were a big hit tonight. You were right Nicole is on duty and they paged her. That should make this fun.” She sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say there’s no love loss between Nicole and I.” Chris grunted. “I can’t believe that someone allowed her to practice medicine.”

“Really!” I shot back.

“Look I’m sorry.” Chris apologized. “Let me try to explain. Nicole was booted out of med school because of her drinking. I watched her drag her family through hell and back. She lied to them, stole from them. The entire time I was with Allison I never once saw that girl sober.”

“Well that’s not the person I know.” I countered. “I don’t think you are being fair to her.”

“Fair to her?” Chris laughed. “What’s fair about being a spoil brat who has no problem with sucking free legal services from me and then running to her sister telling her to dump me?”

“Hold on Chris.” I tried to calm her down. “Now let’s be honest here. Granted using you was wrong, which I’m willing to bet she has already apologized for.” Chris simply nodded in agreement. “But if you were Allison’s sister how would you feel about her relationship? You told me yourself that you’re a womanizer.”

“Honestly?” Chris asked slowly. “I would never let my sister be involved with anyone like myself. But then again my sister is a nun so I don’t need to worry about it.”

We sat down and awaited news on Allison’s condition. The wait was becoming unbearable. “Tell something Stephanie?” Chris asked suddenly. “Sure.” I answered nonchalantly. “Did you know what I was up to tonight?”

“You mean keeping us out so late that we couldn’t have time to do anything when we got home?” I responded with a shrug. “Oh yeah I figured it out fairly quickly. That is why I suggested to Allison that we both call in sick today.”

“I knew I liked you.” Chris smiled in response. Then she grew quiet for a moment before speaking again. “There something you should know. I really do like you but I love Allison. I fell for her the first moment I saw her. We started at the firm at the same time and she just took my breath away. But Jessica Beaumont was there first. I stood back and watched the two of them together for six very long months.”

“Eight months.” I said absently.

“No it was six.” Chris corrected me. “It’s not something that I’m likely to forget. The two of us ended up becoming friends and I had given up on ever being with her. Then one-night years later it happened. I couldn’t believe it. Then I screwed it up. You see I want Allison back and yet I don’t want her back. I know that she doesn’t love me. The one thing I want is for her to be happy. If you can make her happy then … look what I’m trying to say is don’t ever hurt her.”

“I won’t.” I answered frankly. “Now can I ask you something?” I questioned her. “If you love Allison this much then why did you cheat on her?”

“Good question.” Chris sighed. “The first time was pure lust nothing else. The second time was because I got away with it the first time. Then I guess I kept doing it because deep down I suspected that she knew and she wasn’t going to leave me. I thought I could have my cake and eat it too. Or maybe I suspected that she didn’t love me. I think that was the real reason I was sleeping around. It was that I wanted to get caught. Perhaps that is why I brought that woman home to our apartment. Just my luck it proved to be one betrayal too many.”

I tried to process everything that Chris was telling me. There was something nagging at me that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It wasn’t what Chris had just confessed to me it was something Allison had said to me before. I was closing in on the answer when Chris interrupted my thoughts. “So tell me just what is going on with you and Allison?” Chris asked bluntly.

“It’s complicated.” I offered weakly.

“Yeah. I’ve already heard that line from Allison so give.” She pushed.

I couldn’t believe I was doing this but I answered her question honestly. “For starters when we met I was already involved.” I explained.

“Oh.” Chris said seeming to understand.

“With a man.” I added much to Chris’ surprise. “I didn’t know that I was gay.” I explained further.

“That explains it then.” Chris said simply.

“That explains what?” Now I was lost.

“Well you know about Jessica.” Chris began slowly. “But do you know about Brenda?”

“Brenda?” I asked. I had heard Nicole mention her once. “Who the hell is Brenda?” I blurted out.

“Brenda was Allison’s first girlfriend.” Chris explained as her face twisted in an odd expression. “The one from high school. She dumped Allison for a guy. She gave Allison the old it’s been fun but it’s not like I’m a queer or anything crap. Then she ends up marrying this guy and had the nerve to ask Allison to be the maid of honor at the wedding.”

“What a bitch!” I exclaimed a little too loudly as the entire waiting turned around a stared at me.

“Basically.” Chris agreed. “Nicole didn’t take it too well when Allison agreed to go through with it. She beat the crap out Brenda. She ended up getting arrested for drunk and disorderly and assault and battery. The charges were dropped since Brenda wasn’t in hurry to explain the situation to anyone. But everyone agreed that it would be best if Allison bowed out of the wedding party.”

“The two of them certainly look out for each other.” I said quietly. Chris just nodded in agreement.

“I think I understand what the problem is between the two of you.” Chris offered in a comforting tone. “Allison can freak out so easily.”

“I probably didn’t help things by dragging my feet about breaking up with Peter.” I added.

“Knowing Allison she probably stayed as far away from you as possible.” Chris said in a disgusted tone. “She tries to put on this act like she has everything under control. But she can run away from her feelings faster than a politician can lie. Stephanie I would give anything if she would just look at me once the way she looks at you.”

I could feel how difficult this was for her to admit. “So what do I do?” I pleaded helplessly.

“Don’t give her a chance to over analyze this.” Chris said aggressively. “Just go for it.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” I confessed as I looked over at the statuesque beauty seated next to me.

I was mulling over everything Chris had told me. I knew that it could not have been easy for her. I thought about her advice and it frightened me a little. But there was something on my mind. “Six months. Eight months. Neither of them would have made that kind of error.”

“What are you doing here snake?” A familiar voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Brat.” Chris retorted to Nicole.

They glared at each other for a moment it appeared that there would be no cease-fire coming anytime soon. “How is she?” I asked not caring about tension between the two women. The only thing I wanted to know about at this moment was Allison’s health. These two can kill each other later. “She is going to be fine.” Nicole reassured me.

A sigh of relief escaped from me. “But.” Nicole began as I felt my chest tighten. “There is a problem.” Nicole sat next to me and placed a hand on my arm. “It was food poisoning. As you can see we’ve had a run of cases on that tonight. Now her doctor would like to keep her here over night just for observation. The attending physician agrees. Here’s the problem Allison wants to go home.”

“So what’s the problem?” Chris interrupted. “If she needs to be in the hospital just explain it to her.”

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Nicole snapped.

“That’s enough.” I growled stunning the both of them. “Now behave the both of you.” I warned them. “Nicole what aren’t you telling me?” I demanded.

“It’s just that …” Nicole stammered. “Well Allison is …”

“Spit it out.” I pushed.

“She’s afraid.” She finally admitted.

“What?” Chris said with disbelief.

I held up a cautioning hand up to Chris. I could see that Nicole was being truthful. “She’s terrified of having to stay over night in a hospital.” Nicole said quietly. I didn’t need to know why. I could see the pain of Nicole’s face of having to reveal Allison’s secret. “Is it medically necessary for her to be admitted?” I asked firmly.

“No.” Nicole answered. “It’s just a precaution. Dr. Chang isn’t going to release her though unless she knows that someone will be with her constantly for the next twenty four hours.”

“That isn’t a problem.” I asserted. “I wasn’t planning on leaving her side even if you did admit her. Now when can I take her home?”

“Thank you.” Nicole sighed with relief.

“Hold on.” Chris butted in. “If the doctor thinks she should stay… “

“No.” I said firmly. It was at that moment that I realized that the neither of them would fight my choice. Both her sister and her ex-lover had left the decision up to me. I wasn’t sure how or why but Allison’s well being had been placed in my hands. It should have seemed strange or uncomfortable but it didn’t. It seemed perfectly natural.

“She’s been asking for you.” Nicole stated. “Funny she didn’t mention you snake.” Nicole shot out at Chris who just glared in response. Nicole led me into the treatment area. On the way she explained that Allison had to be rehydrated from all of the vomiting and the alcohol. Then she explained what I needed to watch out for and about the antibiotics that she needed to take. She also explained that Allison was pretty much out of it and she might be confused on and off for the next few days.

Allison looked terrible when I was led into the curtain area. I brushed her hair off of her face and took her hand. She smiled gently up at me. “I’m taking you home.” I whispered to her. She just nodded in response and squeezed my hand. Nicole spoke to Allison’s doctors and convinced them to release her into my care. Once she was stable enough Chris and I drove her home and put her to bed. I made up the couch for Chris and rushed downstairs and changed into a t-shirt and sweats and raced back upstairs. I peeked into the bedroom to find Allison resting comfortably.

“Long day huh?” Chris said from behind me.

“No kidding.” I sighed as I turned to her. She had taken a shower and was wearing Allison’s robe. I was too tied to get angry. “Chris I need to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry if I was out line at the hospital.” She apologized quickly. “I have to admit that, Allison was right when she told me you were easy to talk too. I don’t know why I told you half the stuff I did. Well if I stepped on your toes or anything I just want you to know that I apologize.”

I smiled at her sincere offering. “You were fine at the hospital.” I offered in a friendly manner. “There is something bothering me and maybe you could help me out with it?”

“Shoot.” She said as she plopped down on the sofa.

“Don’t lawyers need to account for their time for financial reasons?” I asked.

“Always.” She answered with a smile. “Billable hours make the world go round.”

“Allison isn’t the type who would screw something like that up is she?”

“Not a chance.” She answered with curiosity.

“So for her not to able to account for her where abouts is very unusual?” I pushed a little harder.

“Tell me about it.” Chris groaned in frustration. “That woman could probably tell you what she ate for breakfast every day for the past decade.”

“She doesn’t eat breakfast.” I added absently as I tried to piece together my thoughts.

“I know that.” Chris snapped back sarcastically.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized quickly. “I’m just trying to put something together here. So bear with me okay.” She nodded her agreement. “You and Allison were close friends before you were together. She told me that many times.”

“Yes. I miss that with her.” Chris replied.

“So does she.” I said. “Now back to what I was saying. When you are that close to someone, you tell them everything like who you are dating right?” Chris simply nodded again. “Would there be any reason why you wouldn’t tell someone about a person you were dating?”

“Lot’s of reasons.” Chris answered. “You’re are embarrassed for some reason. Or you know that your friend wouldn’t approve. Then of course if you are seeing someone who is involved. Or if you are involved and you are having an affair.”

“Okay I can honestly say that the last one wouldn’t have occurred to me.” I said.

“What can I say?” Chris teased. “So where is all of this leading?”

“Two things I’ve heard tonight don’t fit.” I tried to explain. “Allison told me that when she first met me she was involved. But the two of you didn’t start dating until later. When I asked her about that she lied to me and said she must have made a mistake. The other thing is that you told me she was with Jessica for six months.”

“That’s right.” Chris answered in a bewildered tone.

“But sometime ago Allison said it was eight months.” I explained hoping that she would get the connection without my having to tell her.

“You’ve must have been mistaken.” Chris insisted.

“Chris I have a PH. D in history.” I sighed. “I live for details. I hate to say this but I think Allison knows exactly where she was on those dates in question.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that she was involved with someone that she didn’t want anyone to know about.” I spoke carefully. “Not then and certainly not now.”

I watched her as the information sunk in. “Jessica.” She finally admitted. “Damn it! They got back together.”

“I think so.” I confessed to her finally. “I also think that the husband knows and that is why he is going after Allison.”

“Well this is just peachy.” Chris groaned. “I will have to look into this. Damn it! If what you are saying is true then I spent three years of my life with someone who was on the rebound. This night has just sucked.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” She reassured me. “I’m going to get some sleep. I’ll need to fly home today.”

Without a word I left her with her thoughts and went into the bedroom and crawled into bed with Allison. I felt her shift slightly and wrap her arms around me. I set the alarm so I could call the office in a few hours. Then I turned out the light and curled into Allison’s embrace and began to drift off. “Stephanie?” A very sleepy Allison called out.

“Yes, Allison?”

“Next year can we do something different for my birthday?” She yawned as she pulled me closer.

“Absolutely.” I promised as we both fell asleep

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The morning after Allison’s birthday, I called the office and explained to Grace that we would both be out sick. I could hear her chuckling when I told her this. If she only knew the truth… that we had come very close to finally being together if not for her ex-girlfriend insisting on a late night snack, which resulted in Allison ending up in the emergency room with food poisoning! It would appear that the fates were against us. I vowed then and there that if I ever came across these so-called fates I would kick their collective Asses! Well at least I gave Grace some gossip for the rumor mill. Everyone on campus was already convinced that we were having an affair. Now if someone would just convince Allison everything would be fine.

After Grace convinced me not to worry about our classes since it was a review day anyway, I informed her that Allison was indeed very ill, though I didn’t go into the gory details. Then I asked Grace to contact Allison’s teaching assistant so he could administer her exams next week. Grace agreed. Now, I just had to find her exams so I could fax them over to her. I was quite certain they were stored somewhere in her computer. I just hoped that they were in her home pc. As I went through the living room I noticed that Chris had left already. “Sure spread botulism and run you coward!” I thought to myself. It was safe to say that I have been in better moods, but a lack of sleep after spending the night in the emergency room will do that to a girl.

I trudged up to Allison’s office and found the exams in the computer easily. I successfully resisted the urge to look around her computer files and printed the exams and faxed them off to Grace. I went back down and checked on Allison. I found her fast asleep. I felt her forehead and noticed that she was still running a slight fever. Nicole explained that would be normal. Still, I would need to change her clothing and the bed sheets. I would wait until she was somewhat awake for that. Getting her ready for bed last night had been a struggle. Chris tried to help but Allison seemed to respond only to me.

I heard someone knocking on the front door. I kissed Allison gently on her brow and went to answer the door. I found Mrs. Giavanni standing on the other side holding two large plastic containers. I took them from the elderly woman immediately. “Stephanie you no look so good.” She exclaimed as she bustled into the apartment. “Nicole called. She told me everything.” She explained as she shooed me towards the kitchen. “Now this one is plain broth. Nicole said you should try to get Allison to eat some of this.” She took one of the containers from me and placed into the refrigerator. “Clean!” She said with joy. “I never see it clean before. I knew you would be a good influence on her. Now this one is for you.” She continued taking the other container from me. “This one chicken soup. I make myself.” She shook her head in horror. “Clean but empty.” She pointed to inside of the refrigerator. “You girls no eat right. Why you go out to eat so late? See what happens.” She chastised me.

I chuckled slightly and offered no defense for my actions. I knew that Mrs. Giavanni never understood why anyone would go out to eat in the first place. “Could you keep an eye on Allison?” I asked wearily. “I need to get some stuff from my apartment since I will be staying up here for a few days.”

“Go.” She shooed me away.

“Thank you.” I sighed heavily. “What about you? Do need anything done?”

“No.” Mrs. Giavanni answered. “The food order you did for me last weekend was good. I’m going to my son’s for the holiday. I wanted the family to come up here but his wife insisted. They think I’m to old to cook for everyone.” She snorted angrily.

Before I left to get my belongings from my apartment, I asked Mrs. Giavanni when she thought it might start to snow. Knowing the woman never missed the weather report, she said the guy from channel four said it would begin soon. I learned sometime ago that even though Mrs. Giavanni had cable she only watched channel four. She watched the station from six am until she went to bed the only time she would switch the channel was when Martha Stewart on. She had many unkind words for Martha. She liked to point out that anyone could do the things that old Martha did if they had all of that money and a full staff people. I explained to my landlady that Allison had planned to close up her place on Cape Cod for the winter. She offered to have her son Anthony handle it. It would be the least he could do after all that his cousin had done for him.

I was startled by her admission. She just shrugged it off without a care and shooed me downstairs. She ordered me to hurry up and get what I need so I could get some rest. I knew better than to argue with her. Upon returning to Allison’s apartment I found Mrs. Giavanni dusting. She had called Anthony and he agreed to lock up the summerhouse for Allison. He would pick up the keys from Mrs. Giavanni since she had a spare set. Allison was still sleeping. I thanked her and sent her on her way as quickly as I could. The woman loved to talk, granted normally I found her a little difficult to understand but a wonderful storyteller just the same. Today all I wanted was a hot shower and to climb back into bed.

I was exhausted by the time I reentered the bedroom. The sight of Allison trying to stand up unnerved me. “Stop.” I commanded her. “I’m going to be …” she gulped. I understood immediately and dropped my belongings and rushed to her side. “Okay.” I reassured her. “But you can’t do it alone.” With my assistance Allison made into the bathroom. I held her hair back while she became ill. “I don’t understand why can’t I?” She moaned weakly from her spot in front of the toilet.

“Because there is nothing in your stomach.” I tried to explain. “I’m going to run a bath for you.” This little trip into the bathroom provided the perfect opportunity to change Allison and the bedding as well. I started to run the water as Allison muttered something about a shower. “I don’t think so.” I answered softly. “You don’t have your sea legs yet and I doubt I could support you. Stay here I’m going to get you something clean to put on.” Allison simply groaned weakly in response.

Upon returning to the bathroom I found her still lying there with her face pressed up against the porcelain. I quickly tested the water and found it to be acceptable. I turned off the faucet and returned my attention to Allison. As sick as she was the woman still looked adorable.

“Okay stretch let’s get you into the tub.” I assisted her to a somewhat standing position. “What are you doing?” Allison mumbled as I began to undress her.

“You might enjoy your bath more without your pajamas.” I explained.

“Oh.” She answered absently as she tried to help with the removal of her clothing.

“Not to worry.” I reassured her. “I saw everything you had to offer last night.”

“Really?” She questioned as she stepped out of her flannel lounge pants. “And?” She asked as I helped her into the bathtub.

“Well with the exception of the unnatural shade of green your skin had turned, I enjoyed the view.” I answered her as I handed her a clean washcloth and some soap.

“Hmm.” She shook her head in confusion. “Why isn’t anything making sense?”

“You are very sick sweetheart.” I patted her gently on the shoulder. “Now if you promise not to drown yourself I need to change the sheets on the bed.” She gave a mock salute but her glassy eyed expression concerned me. Reluctantly I left her and tore the sheets and blankets off of the bed. I then fluffed up the feather bed, put on clean sheets and blankets and raced back to the bathroom.

Much to my relief I found that Allison had managed to clean herself without drowning. My relief proved to be short lived when she began to struggle to stand up. “Hold on there tiger!” I ordered she obeyed instantly.

“I need to wash your hair.” I said to her gently.

“How did you know about that?” She asked absently.

“Know about what?” I asked as I lowered the shower massage and retrieved her shampoo.

“Tigger?” She explained. “David used to call me that.”

“Wow she must really be out of it, she never wants to talk about her brother.” I thought as I gently washed and rinsed her long tresses. I also thought about how much I would like to do this again. Of course when I wasn’t completely exhausted and she wasn’t delirious. After Allison was cleaned and dried I helped her change and put her back into bed. She began to toss and turn. I went to the kitchen and heated up some broth for her. I also grabbed her medicine a large glass of water and some Gatorade I brought up from downstairs.

Allison held down most of the broth, took her medicine and drank everything I gave her. I tucked her back into bed and brought her dirty linen and clothing up to her second floor kitchen and threw everything, including the clothing I was wearing, into the washing machine. Having done all of that I headed back into the bedroom. I had not given a thought to my own nakedness until I walked into the bedroom and quickly realized that Allison was awake. I blushed furiously and buried my face in my hands. “Beautiful.” I heard her mutter. I looked up to find that she had rolled over and went to sleep. I didn’t know if should feel embarrassment or anger over the events that had just transpired. I simply dragged myself off to the bathroom and took a very long shower.

The next few days were spent taking care of Allison. She seemed more and more coherent but not consistently. Her fever had lessened but was still hanging on. I informed Maureen about Allison’s state of health and it was agreed that Allison’s teaching assistant would give her midterms. Mrs. Giavanni came by frequently to check on her and bring food. Allison was keeping more down but her diet was still restricted to broth. By Sunday evening I was exhausted. I looked forward to the day when Allison would wake and not need to have everything explained to her as to why she was sick. I also spent my time fielding calls from Nicole and Chris. Chris updated me on the case against Allison. It appeared that my suspicions were on the money. Nicole managed to convince her parents not to come up and to just let Allison rest. She was taking the train up so she could sit with Allison in the morning while I was at work.

I set the alarm and crawled into bed with Allison. Even though she was fast asleep she pulled me into her arms. This had been our routine for the past few days whenever I crawled into bed with her. I quickly drifted off to sleep.

The dream was so vivid, I was touching Allison and she was caressing me in return. I moaned as I felt her suckling my nipple, my legs opened for her and she pressed her thigh between them. Out of instinct I lifted my knee and slid my thigh between her legs. “My God she is wet!” My eyes flew open this was no dream! I found myself lying beneath her our legs entwined just as I had been dreaming. Much to my surprise both my hands were underneath Allison’s nightshirt cupping her breasts. I quickly pulled my hands from her. “Stephanie.” She called out dreamingly. I felt her brow with one hand. Apparently her fever had finally vanished. It was also painfully clear that Allison was still asleep.

Her hips began to sway in a slow gentle movement causing my hips to follow her lead. Our legs and hips began to rock together in a slow rhythm. She pressed her body tightly against mine and allowed her lips and tongue to feast on my neck. “Oh god.” I moaned as I felt our desire touch even through our clothing. “I need to stop this! She isn’t awake. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. Oh but it feels so good!” As my mind screamed at me to stop her, my body fought its own battle. I continued to rock against her as I slid my hands down her strong back to her buttocks. I grabbed her cheeks and pushed her against me. “Oh yes.” She moaned as the pace of our grinding became more urgent.

My thigh began to tremble as my breathing became ragged. All too familiar demons chose that moment to arise. I was so close I knew that I was about to go over the edge. I could feel her body reacting in a similar fashion. We were both so close and it was so wrong. “No!” My mind screamed as I gently pushed her off of me. Allison rolled off of me without protest and drifted back into her slumber. “It was the right thing to do.” I told myself as tried to regain control of my breathing. “If we are going to make love I want us both to remember it.” I collected myself and climbed out of bed. I grabbed a clean t-shirt and a fresh pair of boxer shorts and headed into the bathroom. Two things occurred to me as I took a long cold shower. The first was that what I said to myself was true. The gentleness of the moment and the way our bodies connected I was making love to her. For the first time in my life it wasn’t just sex, I had been making love to someone. The second thing I realized was that if Allison was that good when she was sound asleep, I really wanted to know what she was like when she was wide awake! Damn it would probably kill me but what a way to go!

After climbing back into bed I tossed and turned for hours before finally returning to sleep. Fortunately or unfortunately I wasn’t awakened by anymore-erotic dreams. The next morning I awoke and reached out for my companion. I was surprised to find Allison’s side of the bed empty. I heard the shower running in the bathroom. “Idiot.” I growled as I looked at the alarm clock noting that I had a good two hours before I had to get up. I threw the bed covers aside and followed the sounds of running water.

I rapped on the glass door to the shower and was greeted by a startled gasp from inside. “Are you all right?” I called out in an tense tone. The water stopped and the door opened slightly. Allison’s dazzling blue eyes peered out shyly. For the first time in days she looked like her old self. “I’m fine.” She answered shyly.

“Can you stand up okay?” I pushed wiping the sleep from my eyes.

“Yeah?” Allison answered in a confused voice.

The telephone began to ring. “I’ll get that. You be careful.” I ordered her. “Oh okay.” Allison responded still confused by my actions. I just waved a dismissing hand at her and stomped off into the bedroom. “Hello.” I snarled into the telephone.

“Whoa.” Chris’ voice chuckled on the other end. “Someone is grumpy.”

“I need sleep, Chris.” I snarled. Then I took a calming breath before continuing. “I’m sorry it’s been a long couple of days.”

“How’s our girl doing?” Chris asked.

“Much better. She is in the shower.” I explained.

“That’s a good sign.” Chris sighed with relief. “Maybe when she has her strength back the weather will change and send the two of you a nice rainstorm.” She laughed.

“What is it with you and the rain anyway?” I asked not really wanting an answer.

“It’s not me Blondie.” Chris said seductively. “It’s her. It makes her … how do I put this delicately?” She teased. “It makes her horny as hell.” She blurted out.

“If that was delicate I would hate to hear you tell a children’s story.” I laughed then I paused for a moment. “Really?”

“Oh yeah.” Chris sighed deeply. “And it’s not just the rain.” Chris continued. “Rain, sleet, snow any change in the weather sets her off. I swear that woman is a sexual barometer.”

“Uh huh.” I squeaked out as my mind reeled at the implications of what Chris had just told me.

“Well I just wanted to check in.” Chris offered. “Glad to hear she is doing better. I’m going to fax over some information to you later. Talk to you soon. Bye.”

“Bye Chris.” I replied sheepishly. “I need to start following the weather reports.” I told myself as I hung up the telephone.

Allison entered the bedroom in a clean pair navy sweat pants and a well-worn Harvard t-shirt. “How are you feeling?” I asked absently. “Like I’ve been kicked in the head by a mule.” Allison grumbled as she ran her fingers through her hair. “I’ve got one hell of a hangover.”

“Oh no.” I groaned realizing that Allison had forgotten what had happen. “Allison …” I began slowly.

“I should feel better later.” Allison interrupted me. “I mean if you still want to play hooky that is? I must admit I was more than a little surprised to find you in my bed this morning. Did I forget something important?”

“Almost.” I sighed heavily. “Allison sit down.” I patted the bed next to me. She complied although her startled expression remained in place. I took another calming breath as I tried to figure out the best way to explain everything to her. Somehow it had been easier when she was delirious. “Allison sweetie, you don’t have a hangover.”

“That’s not what my head is screaming.” She laughed.

“I’m sorry I was so forward in the bathroom but I was afraid that you might fall.” I tried to explain.

“Okay?” She looked at me oddly.

“Allison what day is it?”

“Friday.” She answered as she continued to stare at me.

“No.”

“No?” She laughed.

“Today is Monday.” I replied flatly.

“What?” She gasped. I watched as she tried to process what I had just told her. “Monday? How can that be?” She asked.

“Do you remember going to the diner in the South End on Thursday after dancing?” I asked she nodded in the affirmative. “Well you and half of Boston ended up with food poisoning. The board of health shut the place down. It was in yesterday’s Globe.”

“Food poisoning?” Allison was trying to put the pieces together.

“You were very sick so Chris and I took you to the ER at MGH. The doctors wanted to keep you overnight but you weren’t thrilled with the idea. So Nicole and I arranged it so they would release you but only if someone could stay with you. So I did.” I took a breath and allowed her to catch up on what had happened.

“I remember something…” Allison said absently. “You coming to me and saying that you were taking me home.”

“That’s right.” I confirmed. “Now climb back into bed you still need your rest and frankly so do I.”

“But if it is Monday then I have midterms to give.” She protested.

“No you don’t.” I argued. “Your TA is giving them. I faxed copies of your exams over to Grace on Friday. Maureen has already signed you out for the rest of the week. And your cousin Anthony closed up your house in P-Town. Your sister is on her way over to stay with you while I go to work. There is nothing you need to do except get some rest.” Having said that I crawled back under the covers and waited for her to join me.

Finally she crawled into bed with me. I released a sigh knowing that she wasn’t going to fight me on this. “You did all of that for me?” She asked as she curled up next to me. “Yes.” I answered with a yawn. “Thank you.” She offered sweetly.

“You are welcome.” I yawned again. “Now go to sleep I have a couple hours left before I need to get up.”

“I can not believe that you did all of that for me.” She repeated. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” I yawned. “Now Ssh I need sleep.” I snuggled up against her.

“Stephanie?”

“Ugh!” I groaned.

“Sorry but I seem to recall a few other things that have me confused.”

“Such as?” I growled and lifted my head to face her. I found her blushing.

“Well for some reason I recall you standing in my bedroom naked.”

“Okay I can explain that.” I stammered. “I was doing laundry and decided to wash what I was wearing. We were alone in the apartment and I thought you were asleep.”

“Well that makes sense.” She smiled. “I do that all the time. One of the advantages of living alone.”

“Okay if that is settled can I get some sleep?” I pleaded hoping that was all she remembered.

“Did you give me a bath?” She went on.

“Yes.” I answered. “Whenever you needed to change your clothing and get cleaned up I helped you.”

“That was sweet of you.” Allison said honestly. “But there is something else … I can’t seem to sort out what was real and what was a dream.”

“Allison.” I cut her off there was no way we were talking about this now. “You slept most of the time. I’m sure everything will come back to you. Please I need to get some sleep.”

“I’m sorry.” She apologized and snuggled up against me placing my head on her chest.

I listened to her heart beating steadily and once again we were both fast asleep. I was awakened by the sound of the alarm clock. Allison stirred slightly as I cursed and shut the annoying clock off. I showered and changed into a pair of jeans and a simple white turtleneck. I glanced quickly outside noticing the frost building up. Winter was definitely on it’s way. I went to Allison’s walk in closet and grabbed a black wool sweater. I hoped that she wouldn’t mind. I also prayed that when she woke up she would remember what day it was. I brewed a pot of coffee for Nicole and myself. I quickly learned that Nicole shared her sister’s addiction for caffeine. I toasted a bagel and ate it while flipping through my paperwork.

I was placing my work into my briefcase when I heard footsteps approaching the apartment door. I was snapping my briefcase shut when I heard noises still shuffling around outside of the door. I peeked through the peephole and chuckled at the sight I was spying. I swung the door open quickly startling the Nicole and Roger the cop caught up in a major lip lock. Roger blushed as Nicole laughed. “Blondie.” She greeted me. “Thanks again for the ride Roger.” She kissed him gently on the cheek. “Nice to see you again.” Roger offered shyly to me. “Officer.” I replied with a smirk as Nicole brushed past me.

I closed the door and gave a knowing look at the younger Kendell woman. “You know you can get cooties by doing that.” I pointed out.

“It’s true.” She agreed. “We learned that in med school. Unlike when you stick your tongue down my sister’s throat, which is perfectly hygienic.” She teased me.

“Nicole halte!” Allison barked from the bedroom doorway. “Impur bouche.”

“That’s not what Roger said.” Nicole laughed.

“Mauvais.” Allison grumbled.

“Okay play nice you two.” I warned the both of them as they rolled their eyes in unison.

“I see that you have returned to the world of the living Ally.” Nicole noted effectively changing the subject. “How is she today?” She directed this comment to me.

“Her fever broke last night.” I answered. “She has been keeping down more food nothing solid yet. She’s not delirious any longer, I think.” Allison growled at me. “She also showered by herself this morning.” I continued ignoring Allison’s obvious discomfort.

“I also went potty by myself.” Allison grunted. “What am I a two year old?”

“Allison you were very sick.” Nicole tried to calm her down. “If it wasn’t for Stephanie the doctors were going to admit you.”

Allison simply pouted in response. “I have to go.” I offered. “I’m taking the car if that’s alright?” I asked Allison who simply nodded in response. “Why not?” Nicole answered. “She’s grounded.” She pointed to her sister. “And I’m not allowed to drive, yet.”

Allison looked at her sister with surprise. “I was going to tell you later.” Nicole explained. “I went to see that judge and I have my learners permit.” She reached into her pocket and produced a long white sheet of paper with her picture on it. “I had a very long talk with the judge and he could see that I’ve changed. But if I screw up again he made it very clear that I will be looking at some serious jail time.”

“What?” Allison snapped. “Nikki you should have let me handle this for you.” Nicole held up her hand in protest. “Allison I have to do these things myself.” Nicole explained calmly. “And he’s right. I should have been locked up for what I did. I’m an ER doctor I know better than to get behind the wheel of car after drinking. I could have killed someone.” Nicole stressed.

The two remained silent for a moment. Allison started heading for the kitchen. “Where are you going?” I asked her briskly effectively stopping her in her tracks. “I smell coffee.” Allison answered shyly.

“No.” I said firmly.

“Why?” She whined like a child.

“Allison no.” Nicole confirmed. “You were dehydrated no caffeine.”

“But.” Allison whimpered.

“Maybe by Wednesday.” Nicole suggested.

“Wednesday!” Allison gasped in horror. “But … but today is Monday. It is still Monday isn’t?”

I rushed to Allison’s side as she whimpered. “Yes, sweetie it is still Monday.” I reassured her. “Just two more days and you can have some coffee. I’ll get the hazelnut blend you like so much. Okay?” I patted her on the shoulder.

“It’s not fair.” She pouted as she tugged gently on the sleeve of the sweater I was wearing.

“I know Allison.” I comforted her wrapping my arm around her waist. “It’s not fair.”

“You get to have coffee and Nikki can have coffee.” Allison continued to whimper and then a surprised look crossed her face. “Is that my sweater?”

“Gotta go.” I said hurriedly as I dashed into the kitchen and filled my travel mug. I returned to the living room and gathered up my belongings and threw on my coat. There was no way I was giving up that sweater. It was comfortable, warm and most importantly it smelled like Allison. “Oh sure rub it in.” Allison snorted as she pointed to my travel mug. I just shrugged my shoulders and headed towards the doorway. Allison followed me. “Have a good day at work.” She said softly then as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do she lowered her head and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

We broke apart quickly both startled by the kiss. “That was …” Her voice trailed off. “I know.” I answered her thinking about how perfectly normal it seemed for her to send me off to work with a goodbye kiss. “Stephanie could we do that again but could you have sip of coffee first?”

“Oh sure use my body to satisfy your caffeine Jones.” I teased taking pity on her I took a healthy sip of coffee.

Allison lowered her head once again as I puckered my lips to greet hers. I gasped slightly as she ran her tongue across my lips. Instinctively I parted my lips and allowed her entrance. I moaned not caring that she was simply trying to taste the coffee I had just consumed. The kiss deepened as she wrapped her arms around me pulling me closer as our tongues began to battle for control. Suddenly this had nothing to do with Allison’s caffeine addiction. “Are you saying goodbye to the girl or giving her a dental exam Allison?” Nicole teased.

Allison growled and sneered at her younger sibling. “I have to go.” I patted Allison gently on the arm. “Have fun with your sister.”

“Stephanie.” Allison’s voice stopped me. “It looks nice on you. The sweater it looks good on you, it brings out your eyes.” She smiled sweetly at me. “Now I could definitely get use to starting my mornings like this.” I thought as I finally left the apartment. Behind the now closed door I could hear some choice words in French being tossed around.

As I stepped out onto the front porch a most unwelcome sight greeted me. Courtney was approaching slowly. “This is going to be fun.” I cursed silently. “Hi.” She greeted me with a forced smile. I did not respond. “I heard Allison was sick and I wanted to give her this.” I noticed that her hand was shaking as she handed me what appeared to be a greeting card sealed in a lavender envelope.

I accepted the card gingerly taking note that she had dotted the “i” with a little heart. “God how young is this kid?”

“Fine.” I grumbled as I tried to push my way past her. The events of the past few days had only convinced me further that Rita had been correct. Little Courtney set me up and I fell for it.

“Wait.” She called out as I was heading towards Allison’s car.

Turning towards her approaching figure I cast an icy stare at the young woman. “Look.” She began very cautiously. “I owe you an apology.”

“For?” I retorted coldly.

“I think you know.” She offered to my icy glance. I was not going to back down I needed to hear her say it. To admit that she had lied. “For the morning after Halloween.” She whined. “I lied to you and you were right I was being a bitch.” She blurted out finally. I released a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. “You don’t need to worry about the card.” She went on to explain. “It’s just a thank you. She’s been so nice to me helping me study for the bar exam and all. The firm I work for is so small and I have to put in a lot of hours. None of the lawyers there have any time to spare and …”

“I’ll see that Allison gets this.” I cut her ramblings deciding it was time to let the girl off the hook.

“Thanks.” Courtney said quickly. “Again, I’m sorry for lying to you. I don’t know why I did it.”

“Don’t worry.” I said warmly. “You’ll grow out of it.”

“Hey.” She shot back with a smile.

“Sorry.” I replied. “Do you need a ride?”

“No thank you.” She answered. “I have my car. The firm gave us the week off for the holiday. I’m driving home to Providence.”

“Have a nice Thanksgiving.” I offered as I deactivated the car alarm.

“You too.” She responded but remained standing in place. “Stephanie I’m still a little confused about something?”

“What?” I sighed as I glanced at my watch.

I watched as she shifted nervously from one foot to the other. “It’s that I ran into Peter in Providence the other day.” She began cautiously. “And well the thing is that he kind of gave me the impression that the two of you were still together. I just can’t figure this out since all Allison talks about is you. That and I heard the two of you were pretty hot and heavy at The Galaxy last Thursday.”

“What did you just say?” I blurted out in horror.

“Which part?”

“About Peter.” I demanded. Come on Courtney focus!

“Well I Uhm …” She stammered. “I ran into him and we exchanged the usual funny running into you. I asked about you and basically he said something about you doing great and the two of you were spending the holiday with his family. I thought it was strange since you told me that the two of you split up. You know, right before I lied about sleeping with Allison.”

“I remember.” I spat out. “And we did split up. I haven’t seen him since that morning. I swear if you are lying again.” I threatened her.

“I’m not.” She defended herself. “I just thought I should say something to you. I’m sorry.”

“No I’m glad you did.” I steadied myself. “Thank you.”

Courtney and I parted company. I drove to the campus and went directly to my office. I picked up my messages and headed out to give my first exam. While my students were busy with the midterm I studied my messages. Most of them were from Peter wanting to know my plans for Thanksgiving. Granted I was not looking forward to spending the holiday alone but there was no way I was going to spend it with Peter and his family. I needed to have a chat with him. I didn’t trust Courtney and for good reason, I would talk to him and get to the bottom of this.

After I administered my last exam for the day I headed directly to my office and pulled up my emails. Once again many were from Peter. I dialed his office immediately. When he answered I lit into him instantly. “Peter its Stephanie.” I spat out harshly.

“Stephanie where have you been?” He spat back in an accusing tone.

“What?”

“I’m sorry.” He offered weakly. “It’s just that I’ve been calling you for days. I didn’t get an answer at your apartment. I can’t help if I’m jealous.”

I calmed myself. “Peter I’m sorry I flew off the handle.” I apologized. “Allison has been very ill and I have been staying with her.”

“Thank God.” I heard him sigh.

“Peter did you run into Courtney last week?” I asked him carefully.

“Yes.” He answered after a brief silence. “I … Uhm …”

“Peter?”

“I’m sorry.” He gasped. “Look I’m having a hard time telling people about this. I still don’t understand it and well I really don’t believe it.”

“Oh Peter.” I sighed. “I know this is hard especially after all the years we have been together.”

“About Thursday?” He began hopefully.

“No Peter.” I was gentle but firm.

“But.” He protested.

“I’m sorry.” I sighed again. “Have a nice holiday and my best to your family.” Having said that I hung up before he could say anything. After the holiday Peter and I were going to have a very long talk. It was time he knew the truth.

When I returned home I found Allison and Nicole in a fierce battle over some video game. “Did you two have a nice play date?” I asked them noticing Mrs. Giavanni puttering around. “Tia Maria I can clean my own apartment.” Allison scolded her. Mrs. Giavanni for her part ignored her niece and continued to dust.

“I’ll put this away.” Nicole offered breaking down the play station.

For my part I put my briefcase down on the bookshelf that was nearest the front door. I slipped off my shoes and went over to the sofa and joined Allison. “Help.” She whispered to me softly.

“Mrs. Giavanni?” I called out. “Why don’t you take a break.” I suggested calmly.

The elderly woman shrugged her shoulders and complied with my request. “How was school Stephanie?” Mrs. Giavanni asked.

“Good thank you.” I answered. “And how was our patient today ladies?”

“She ate some soup and toast.” Mrs. Giavanni offered.

“How did she do with the soup?” I asked them both ignoring Allison grumbling next to me.

“Good.” Nicole answered. “She is much better. Keep her on the antibiotics and no coffee until Wednesday and then only a little. Keep getting fluids into her including the sport drinks you have been giving her. You might want to keep an eye on how much she urinates.” Nicole suggested. “If she gets plenty of rest and things keep going this way she can enjoy a nice meal on Thursday.”

“Hello!” Allison shouted. “I am sitting right here you know.”

“Don’t listen to her.” Mrs. Giavanni scolded. “She’s been a pain in the ass all day.” I choked at Mrs. Giavanni choice of language. “She kept trying to sneak upstairs and work on her computer or do laundry.”

“I did not.” Allison lied.

“She did.” Nicole confirmed.

“Rat.” Allison snarled.

“Tia Maria finally got her to sit down.” Nicole explained ignoring her sister.

“How did she manage that?” I questioned.

“She threatened me.” Allison grumbled.

“I did not!” Mrs. Giavanni protested.

“She did.” Allison teased.

“That fresh mouth of yours is going to get you serious trouble some day young lady.” Mrs. Giavanni scolded.

Allison ignored her Aunt and flipped on the television. “Come on Tia Maria.” Nicole said. “You promised me dinner before I had to leave.”

“Okay but first I heat up the plate I brought over for Stephanie.” Mrs. Giavanni explained in broken English. “Eggplant parmesan.”

“I’ll eat it later.” I replied. “Thank you for doing that. You two go eat.” They said their goodbyes and left us alone.

I reached to the back of the sofa and grabbed the blanket that rested there and covered up Allison. “I don’t know how to thank you for everything you have done for me over the past few days.” Allison said with sincerity as she moved part of the blanket over my legs.

“You could spend the rest of your life with me.” I thought to myself. “Don’t mention it.” I replied aloud settling myself in closer to her. “Stephanie I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Allison began shyly. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Nothing.” I answered honestly.

“Well it’s just that … well I’ve been wondering …” Allison stammered.

“Yes.” I prodded her.

“Well I um . . I meant to ask you this before … would you like to spend it with me and my family?” She finally blurted out and then blew out a breath as if she had just run a four-minute mile.

“I would love to.” I answered her quickly before she could change her mind. “So where is the family gathering? The compound in Hyannis?” I joked.

“No the estate at Chestnut Hill.” Allison answered plainly. “The family lost the property on The Cape years ago.”

“Oh my God she’s not kidding? How am I going to fit in with these people?” I was suddenly very afraid even after meeting Nicole. “Don’t worry.” Allison reassured me as if reading my thoughts. “It’s not all that. It will just be my sister who you already know. Then there is just Mom and Dad and Gaia of course. She’s my great grandmother. You’ll love her. Oh and she is Haley Ballister’s daughter in law so the two of you can talk about that.”

“Thanks.” I sighed with relief suddenly noticing the television. The fighting and swordplay was confusing. “What are you watching?” This certainly didn’t seem like a show that Allison would watch.

“Nothing.” Allison answered sharply as she quickly reached for the remote control. She was not quick enough as I snatched it up and pressed the information button.

“Xena Warrior Princess?” I questioned her with disgust.

“Oh is that what this is?” She lied.

“How could you watch this?” I shook my head in amazement.

“Hey.” Allison argued. “Have you ever seen this show?”

“No.” I answered flatly.

“Just give it a few minutes.” Allison said. “This is a good one.”

“You’ve seen this episode before?” I was in shock.

I watched in bewilderment not understanding how someone with Allison’s intelligence would sit through such dribble. “I don’t get it.” I said bluntly. “Why doesn’t she just use a fishing pole? And what’s with this goof falling all over her? How can you watch this stuff? I mean the historical inaccuracies alone are …” Then something caught my eye. “Why are they taking a bath together? Are they … are they flirting with each other?”

“Ssh.” Allison put her finger to my lips to quiet me. “Just watch.”

I watched the television show as my body began to react to the two women. Watching the very tall lead and her little sidekick interact with each other was having an interesting effect on my libido. When the show ended I was drooling and speechless. Allison looked at me and with a smirk she asked, “So are you a Xena fan now?”

“I could probably sit through another show.” I said trying to sound casual about it. “When is it on again?”

“Tomorrow at five.” Allison chuckled. “Well that makes your lesbianism official then. I finally get my toaster oven.”

“Not yet there is still something else we need to do and I want to do it now!” My mind screamed.

“Stephanie I need to ask you something.” Allison began slowly

“Yes.” I answered her eagerly knowing that the answer to anything she asked me at that moment would be a heartfelt yes. I could feel the heat rising in my body. Suddenly I was embarrassed by my thoughts as a slight blush crept across my face.

“Are you all right?” She asked me with concern.

“I’m fine.” I stammered feeling my blush return.

“Wow that Lucy Lawless really pushed your buttons.”

“I um … um …” I shouldn’t have tried to defend myself speaking at this point was futile.

“Stephanie likes Xena.” Allison teased me in a singsong voice.

“Knock it off.” I snapped as I gave her a playful push she grabbed me to defend herself. Her movements caught me off balance and somehow we I ended up laying on top of her. I was gazing deeply into her eyes as I lowered my lips to hers. Just as I was about to kiss her she pulled away.

I shivered at the abrupt movement but decided to let it go for now. I pulled myself up and ran my fingers threw my hair. “So what did you want to ask me?” I asked her simply. Allison leaned over to the coffee table and retrieved two sheets of paper and handed them to me. I glanced at them quickly as I scanned the long list of names, I realized that it was the fax Chris had promised to send this morning. There was a brief note at the bottom. “Stephanie, I got these names from a friend of mine. Guess what two things these women have in common? Talk to you soon Chris.” I sighed knowing the answer to Chris’ query. I returned the papers to Allison. “What were you doing upstairs?” I asked Allison in a lame attempt to divert her attention.

“Never mind that.” Allison responded dismissing my question. “I’m more than a little curious as to why my ex-lover is faxing you a list of women’s names. Care to enlighten me?”

I was not ready to go into this with Allison, in fact Chris and I had agreed that she would be the one to tell Allison if my suspicions were correct. Now there was no way to avoid it. I couldn’t lie to her. “Stephanie?” Allison pushed in a strained voice. “Come on what is it?” Allison divert her gaze from me as she scanned the list. “I know some of these women.” She added absently.

“Allison.” I started carefully, hating what I was about to do. “You and all of these women have something in common.” Allison just stared at me blankly. “What?” She asked innocently.

“Jessica Beaumont.” I blurted out quickly and then just as quickly braced myself for her reaction.

“Well Jessica has certainly been a very busy girl.” Allison said with a smile. “But that still doesn’t explain …”

“Wait.” I cut her off. “You’re not upset.”

“No.” She answered honestly. “Should I be?”

“Frankly yes.” I spit out.

“Why?”

“Because there are so many.” I pointed out.

“And?” Allison laughed. “I’m sorry I don’t mean to laugh but I learned of Jessica’s track record quite some time ago.”

“But so many?” I repeated.

“I get it!” Allison snapped. “Sorry.” She offered quickly. “Okay I’ll admit to see it printed out on paper is a bit much. But Jessica is my past. Any feelings I had for her are just that, the past. I got over that woman years ago.” Her voice was firm and honest. It was true Jessica was the past.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized as I gently touched her arm.

“That still doesn’t explain why Chris faxed these names over to you.” Allison continued. “And what did she mean by these woman have two things in common?”

“You and all of these women have another thing in common.” I said very carefully.

“Now wait a minute!” Allison jumped in. “I don’t know what Chris is trying to pull here. I have been tested for everything and I do mean everything. Several times in fact.” Allison pointed. “Which I only did because of Chris and Jessica. Stephanie I am perfectly healthy.”

“That’s good to know.” I said without thinking. I pulled my arm away from her as I realized not only what I had said but also what my saying it implied. “And you?” She asked me with a mischievous smile.

“I had a full physical when I joined the faculty here at Haven. It included all the blood work under the sun.” I answered proudly and then feeling a little adventurous I added a little something. “You could eat off of me.”

Allison was suddenly plagued with a coughing fit. I patted her back gently as she gasped for air. “You okay there Sparky?” I teased her as she began to regain her breathing. She held up a hand to indicated that she was fine. “Do you need some water?” I offered feeling only slightly guilty for her present condition. “No thank you.” She croaked out. I gave her a few moments to regain her composure. “So are you going to tell me what this is all about? Or are you just going to torture me all evening.” She finally managed to ask me.

“Tough call.” I said dryly as I debated the possibilities. “Define torture?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her in a suggestive manner. Okay I was stalling. But no one said I couldn’t have a little fun while I did it.

“Stephanie?” Allison pleaded in exasperation.

“All right.” I grumbled as my bluff had finally been called. “First let me explain that I had no intention of telling you this, Chris was the one who lost the coin toss.” Allison just stared at me blankly. “I think Chris got these names from a bartender in the city. I mean who else but a bartender knows all the dirt on who is knocking boots with whom?”

“Knocking boots?” Allison scoffed. “Tell me did you learn that expression at Yale?”

“Anywho.” I continued ignoring the jab at my alma mater. “Chris was working on an idea I came up with. Well it was more of a theory really.” I stopped my ramblings when Allison cleared her throat and rolled her hand in a ‘get on with it’ motion. “Well to make a long story short …” I stammered.

“Too late.” Allison snickered.

“Okay okay.” I conceded. “All of the women on that list and yourself were not only involved with Jessica Beaumont, but are now being or have been investigated by the New York’s District Attorney’s Office.” Allison’s eyes widened at the revelation. “To be more specific they are being investigated by Simon Brenner.” I blew out a long cleansing breath and waited for the other shoe to drop.

It came quietly. “He knows.” Was all Allison said and then for a very long time she said nothing at all. “Jessica you idiot.” Allison suddenly snarled in disgust. “She must have written it down somewhere probably in the damn organizer she never let out of her sight. It all must be in there, names, dates how else could he have known when I was …” She stopped suddenly as her face grew ashen.

“When you were with her.” I finished for her.

Allison hung her head in shame and began to rub her eyes. “Chris knows all of this?” She asked numbly.

“Yes.” I responded softly.

“God she must be pissed.” Her voice drifted off as she spoke. She lifted her head and looked at me. “You know the funny part of all of this fiasco is that if it had been any other attorney handling this case I would have just come clean from the get go. The firm assumed that because of my prior relationship with Chris that if I had anything to hide I would tell her.”

“Ironic.” I said quietly.

“Tell me about it.” Allison agreed. “Chris was the one person I couldn’t tell about this. I didn’t want her to know what an idiot I had been falling for Jessica’s lies again. More importantly that I had turned to her because of it. Just how did all of this come out in the first place?”

“That was my fault.”

“But how did you come up with this?” Allison was amazed. “I mean I know how intelligent you are but this is incredible.”

“First off you are a terrible liar Allison Kendell.” I explained. “You are also anal as the day is long.”

“Thank you.” Allison groused.

“You told me that you were with Jessica for eight months.” I continued. “Chris said it was six. Not a detail either of you would screw up. Then you said something about being involved when you first met me. But you weren’t with Chris at the time. When you tried to cover up the slip up I knew that you were lying. So I started to put the pieces together and came up with Jessica.”

“You are a very clever girl Stephanie Grant.” Allison said with a genuine sincerity. “You have a little Laura Holt in you.”

“Now who is she?” I groaned.

“Did you never watch television?” She laughed.

“Apparently not as much as some people.” I teased her.

“Timing is everything.” She sighed thoughtfully. “Take us for example if things had been different then so much we’ve put each other through would have never happened. Then there is Jessica the first time I met her I was clueless. Hell I was a kid back then. When I found out about her husband I broke up with her immediately. Years later I found myself trying a case with Jessica as opposing counsel. After the trial was over she told me that she and her husband were separated. Little did I know that Jessica’s version of being separated meant she hadn’t seen him since breakfast. Of course when I figured it out I walked away. I don’t blame her really she grew up in a different era and coming out was never an option for her.”

“She may have to.” I said directly. “She’s your alibi.”

“She won’t.” Allison argued.

“But she …”

“She won’t.” Allison repeated. “I’ve already asked her.”

“She’s just going to let her husband railroad you?” I said in disbelief.

“Yes.” Allison confirmed my question without any hint of emotion.

“This certainly explains a great deal to me.” I said bluntly. “Now I understand why you ran away from me. The way I kept putting off breaking up with Peter. After what Jessica had pulled and then there is Brenda of course.”

“How do you know about Brenda?” Allison asked in shock.

“Chris.” I offered weakly.

“What else has she been telling you?”

“Nothing.” I lied.

“Stephanie?” She pushed.

“I swear that was it.” I held my hand. “Scouts honor. Look it’s raining.” I teased.

“No.” Allison blushed furiously. “Oh god she didn’t?”

“What?” I answered with feigned innocence.

“Oh my God!” Allison gasped as she buried her hands in her face.

Then suddenly her words were echoed through the wall. “Oh my God!” which was quickly followed by, “Yes! Yes Baby yes!”. I turned and stared at the wall. “They are at it again.” Allison groaned. “Our lady cop has a new girlfriend. It sounds like they are almost finished.” The sounds continued until someone thanked Jesus loudly.

“So that is who I heard on Halloween night.” I whispered as the last pieces finally came together.

“Who did you think it was?” Allison asked in bewilderment.

I didn’t answer her as I struggled to find a way to explain the bizarre events. “Time to put your cards on the table girl. Tell her. Tell her now!” My inner voice screamed. “I think I need to go to bed.” Allison yawned. “You would think that after all of the sleep that I’ve had in the past few days I would be wide awake.”

“Allison wait.” I said suddenly. “There is something else that you need to know.”

“There’s more?” Allison responded in a frightened tone.

“Yes.” I answered with a slight smile trying to reassure her. “Now hold on it’s nothing bad. I know now why you shut me out before I broke up with Peter. But do you know why I was avoiding you after I did?”

“Frankly no.” Allison’s voice was as smooth as velvet. “I’m more than a little curious. I thought of million reasons why. Maybe you needed more time or maybe weren’t interested in me. I was going insane. Finally I just backed off and started staying on campus and away from you. I was trying to give you some space.”

“I understand that now but at the time I didn’t.” I had to laugh at the situation. “I thought you were dating Courtney.”

“What?” Allison laughed. “She’s a bit young for me don’t you think? Well she’s not that young.”

“Yeah right.” I scoffed as I got up off of the sofa and went over to my briefcase and retrieved the card Courtney had given me earlier. I walked purposely over to Allison and handed it to her. “From Courtney.” I offered. Allison looked at it briefly before tossing it onto the coffee table.

“She dots her “it’s” with little hearts. Maybe she is that young.” Allison conceded. “That still doesn’t explain why you thought I was dating her. I only had the one date with her and you were there for most of it.”

My only response was to jerk my thumb in direction of the wall that had previously been filled with the sounds of passion. “How could you think that?” Allison countered in a horrified tone. “You were the one I was making out with the night before and that night as well. Did you really think that I could kiss you and then bed her?”

“Not entirely.” I argued.

“What does that mean?” Allison asked me directly. “I only went out with her in the first place because of you.”

“Excuse me?” I was stunned.

“You still hadn’t said anything to Peter.” Allison explained. “And yet you were flirting with me but he was still in your life. I knew that until you ended things with him I could never be in your life. I told you that more times than I can count. Finally one night out of desperation I went to the club. Courtney asked me out and against my better judgment I said yes. It was a stupid attempt to get over you.”

“Allison.” I pleaded with her. “I understand that now but at the time I didn’t know if I was coming or going.”

“How, after the way we touch one another, could you think that I would sleep with that child?” Allison protested. “Damn it Stephanie even as sick as I was over the past few days; last night I dreamt about touching you.” “Okay, girl let that one slide for the moment. No need telling her she wasn’t dreaming.”

I had hurt her but she wasn’t giving me the chance to explain everything. “Stephanie I think that we need to slow things down here.” She said heavily. “Take a break from all of this whatever this is.”

“How much slower would you like to go?” I spit out realizing that I was being dumped. “I mean without my moving back to Connecticut?”

“Stephanie.” She protested. “Maybe we should just be friends for right now.”

“Fine.” I shouted in anger as I tore her sweater off my body and tossed it at her.

“Keep it.” She offered. “It really does look good on you.”

“You can’t have it both ways Allison.” I said hotly. She just looked at me with a stunned expression. “You can’t just dump me and then try to flirt with me.” My anger was building. “I know how I feel and there are things you don’t know. But if you want to play at being buddies then fine. Frankly I am tired of the games.” Having said that I stormed out of her apartment and raced down to my own.

My heart sank when I realized that I did not have my house keys. “Crap.” I scowled as I stomped back upstairs and stormed back inside Allison’s apartment. “I forgot my keys.” I bellowed as I gathered up my coat and briefcase. “Your Aunt is staying with you tomorrow the instructions for your meds are on the bottle.”

“Stephanie?” She tried to stop me.

“Don’t.” I cautioned her.

“I’m not dumping you.” She choked out. “But we can not start something now.”

“Whatever you are running from this time Allison get over it and soon!” I shouted and stormed back downstairs.

Of course once I entered my apartment I realized that I had left most of my clothing upstairs. “Forget it!” I snarled as I tore off my clothing and climbed naked into my futon. I spent a sleepless night trying to figure out just how things spun out control so quickly.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The following day was the definitely the calm before the storm. I gave my exams and headed home without checking on Allison. I made a light supper and watched that evening’s episode of Xena. I didn’t enjoy as much as the other one. Probably because the two women weren’t together through out most of it. There was the blonde and some clumsy guy who was entertaining but was no match for the leather-clad warrior. Disgusted with everything I went to bed early in a vain attempt to catch up on some sleep.

Wednesday morning I gave my last midterm for the semester and wished my students, “Happy Holidays”. I turned in my paperwork and wished everyone at the office a happy holiday and picked up Allison’s midterms from her teaching assistant. I started to walk home in the cold when I was greeted by the sound of a car honking it’s horn. For a brief moment I hoped it was Allison. I turned and spotted a familiar black Honda. It was Hal the physics professor who lived in our building. “It’s much too cold to be walking.” He called out to me in his crisp British accent. “Care for a lift home Dr. Grant?”

Hal and I chatted about the weather and the upcoming holiday. Being British meant that, Thanksgiving wasn’t a huge deal to him. But he was grateful for the time off and he planned on spending it with his girlfriend and her family. I didn’t elaborate on my plans not really knowing just what they entailed at that point. I looked at Hal’s well-pressed suit and noted that he was a classy dresser in both men’s and women’s clothing. After first meeting Hal, it took me awhile to understand that just because a man liked to dress as a woman did not mean he was gay. I thanked him for the ride when we arrived at the house.

I went into my apartment trying to decide on whether to take a shower or go to the local video store and rent some movies to past the time over the holiday weekend. There was a knock on my door. Somehow I knew before I opened it that she would be standing on the other side. “Hello.” I greeted her coolly.

“Truce?” Allison offered shyly.

“Hmm.” I grunted.

“Still want to spend the holiday with my family?” She asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know.” I replied honestly.

“I meant what I said about keeping your friendship.” Allison said warmly.

I just stood there staring at her as my mind told me one the thing and my heart another. Why were the two in constant conflict lately? “Please.” Allison prodded. “I don’t think I could bare it if I lost your friendship.”

“Fine.” I agreed reluctantly. My heart had won out against my better judgment I packed an overnight bag and met Allison at the car. The cold winter air sliced through my body. I was thankful that Allison’s car had heated seats. As we drove down Rte. 128 it began to snow. I found myself wondering if what Chris had told me about Allison’s reactions to the changing weather were true. As we drove in the mass of holiday commuters the only sounds in the car were emanating from the windshield wipers.

The silence was unbearable. For some reason I wanted to scream. “Was this what finding love was really like?”. I found it difficult to understand that I would find that one person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life only to end up miserable. I felt the pain rip through me. How was I going to sit down to dinner with her family? Knowing that there was a wall between us. “Stop the car!” I shouted suddenly.

My screaming visibly shook Allison. Somehow she managed to pull the car over safely into the breakdown lane. Not without several other cars honking their horns in anger. Once the car came to a complete stop I jumped out slamming the door behind me. Allison followed me as I began to pace on the snow-covered pavement. Her face was painted with a startled expression. “You’re such a jerk!” I shouted finally. There I had said it. “I met you in August and from the first moment I saw you, I knew. I knew! You are the one. Because of this my life has been turned upside down.” I blew out a heavy breath as I finished not certain my words made any sense but somehow not caring.

“I never asked you to turn your life upside down.” Allison argued.

“Didn’t you?” I countered loudly. “You encouraged me every step of the way. And when everything was starting to make sense again you ran away.”

She just stood there looking guilty with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her camel hair coat. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. “Don’t you dare!” I screamed. The anger in my voice began to frighten me. I felt as if I was fighting to stay alive. “Is this why I came out? So you could leave me?” I accused her. “Tell me why? Just tell me why you are running away from me. From us?”

“Because I have no secrets.” Allison’s voice trembled. “In a matter of a few weeks you know everything there is to know about me. Jesus Stephanie we never even dated. But you know my entire past. I’m completely exposed. You even stepped in and solved my legal problems. I’ve nothing to offer you.”

“What about your heart?” I said deeply.

“I tried that.” Allison winced. “I asked you out and you shot me down every time.”

“I thought that you were dating Courtney!” I explained in a huff.

“That’s another reason we should stop this.” Allison shot back. “How could you not trust me like that?”

“Because when you did bother to come home she was there.” I tried to explain.

“I was helping her study for the Bar Exam.” Allison explained. “Damn it you know me. How could you think that I would be so shallow as to sleep with her then ask you out?”

“Because she told me that she had slept with you.” I fired back. There it was finally out and it felt good.

“What?” Allison gasped. She stood there completely stunned.

I took a few breaths and collected myself before speaking. I had to make her see what I had seen and why I thought what I thought. “The morning after Halloween.” I began to explain calmly. “Courtney told me that the two of you slept together.”

I watched as Allison’s expression changed rapidly from stunned to outrage. “That little …” Allison sputtered. “I swear to you Stephanie I never touched her. The only reason she spent the night was because she had been drinking and was in no condition to drive. When she tried something I let her down gently. I explained that I wasn’t interested in her that way. I also was very honest about my feelings for you and how it looked as if we might finally have a chance to explore a relationship. She said she understood.”

“Of course she did Allison.” I laughed. “But being the bright girl that she is the first thing she did was run to me and tell me about having sex with you. She knew I’d back off.” I shook my head at the irony of the situation. “Allison I did not discover the truth until very recently.”

“Yes she’s a very clever girl.” Allison said coldly. “She made certain she got to you before I did. You must have thought that I was a first class jerk asking you out after sleeping with her.” Allison shivered as she spoke.

“Jerk was one of the nicer things I was thinking about you.” I confessed. “There something else. I didn’t realize that you were asking me out. For a date I mean. You were weren’t you?”

“Yes.” She asserted and then her face dropped. “I keep forgetting this is all new to you.” She apologized sincerely.

“So now that this is all out in the open where does this leave us?” I looked at her hopefully surprised by the tears now running down her face. I rushed to her side quickly. She simply took me by the hand and led me back to the car. Allison opened the door for me and I seated myself. She closed the door and walked to the other side of the car and got in.

I watched as the normally stoic woman dried her tears and collected her thoughts. “Allison what is it?” I asked softly taking her hand in mine.

“I took the position at Stanford.” She said gravely.

“That’s it?” I laughed thinking that what was bothering her. “Allison I’m not thrilled but it is only for six weeks. I will miss you but …” She held up a shaking hand and stopped me.

“Stephanie I agreed to an extended series for the seminar.” She answered as the panic washed over her. “I’ll be gone for four months.”

“Four months?” I shrieked. Then I quickly calmed myself this was not the end of the world. After everything we had been through this separation was a mere drop in the bucket. “When did this happen?”

“Right before my birthday.” She explained. “Of course had I been thinking clearly on that day we wouldn’t be sitting here now.”

“Oh of course we would.” I laughed. “So why did you agree to it?”

“I thought that the time apart would be good for us.” She sighed. “Somehow my going to California would give us the distance that we need and maybe our friendship would survive. Then the other night everything was coming out and suddenly I realized what I had done and I panicked. How could we start seeing each other now? I’ll be leaving in a few weeks and it’s not fair to you. You just came out you should be out meeting women and dating.”

“You are insane.” I said in dismay. “I’ve already gone out and met other women. One of which landed me in the emergency room. Thank you very much. Allison do you want me to go out with other women?”

“No.” She answered sadly.

“Then what is the problem?” I asked her directly. “Allison I know how my heart feels. I love you.” I finally told her and it felt good! “I love you now and I will still love you four months from now.”

“You can’t know that.” She warned me. “But if it is true and when I come home and we both still feel the same way then let’s start things off right this time. What we have had up until now has been … I honestly don’t know what it has been.”

“Bedlam.” I offered teasingly.

“Pretty much.” She laughed in agreement. “For now let’s just be friends and put all of this tension behind us.” I’d rather put you behind me but I can go along with this even if I think the whole idea is ludicrous. “So can you wait?” She asked me sweetly.

“I have spent my whole life looking for you.” I said as I gently touched her cheek. “I can wait until …”

“April.” She concluded with a heavy sigh. “Stephanie I’m not being foolish. You could meet someone while I’m away.”

“So could you.” I argued. “I will leave it up to the fates. Deep down I know that we are meant to be together. I also know that even though I don’t agree with this I can try. Though I doubt we will wait.”

“What do you mean?” She protested.

“Allison we’ve had better reasons than this to keep our hands off of one another.” I explained. “And we’ve failed miserably.”

“Stephanie …”

“I’m serious.” I offered in my own defense. “I’ll go along with this plan of yours but I’m telling you right now you’ll never make it.”

“I’ll never make it?” Allison snorted as she started the car and pulled back into traffic.

“You won’t.” I reasoned with a touch of humor.

“And what makes you so certain that I will be the one to cave in?” Allison protested in a cocky tone. “I’m an adult and I think that I’ve behaved fairly well under the circumstances.”

“Sure whatever you say.” I answered blithely.

“Stephanie.” Allison wasn’t about to drop this. “I am very serious about us waiting.”

“I know.” I responded. “I promise to behave myself. If this is what you want I will wait.”

“But you don’t think I will?” Allison argued.

“Nope.”

“And just why not?” Allison was on the defensive. “As I recall most of our close calls were not initiated by me.”

“True.” I agreed. “You’re right Allison. I’m sure that you can control yourself for the next month and a half.” Come on Allison take the bait.

“That’s right.” She said sternly.

I allowed her to drive in silence while she stewed over what I had said. I knew that I had challenged her and it was just a matter of time before she would bring the subject up again. “I can show as much restraint as the next guy.” Allison snapped finally.

“Of course you can.” I patted her gently to reassure her.

“You really think that I’m going to cave in?” Allison whined at the thought that I could doubt her.

“Yup.” I said with a smack of my lips. “I’ll even bet you on it.”

“Challenge my morals will you? Allison scoffed. “Fine you’re on. So what’s the bet?”

“Loser installs a shower massage in my apartment for while you are in California.” I offered simply.

“What?” Allison objected. “Why are you so certain that I will lose?”

“Just do.” I shrugged.

“Fine when I win you can …” Her voice trailed off.

“Thinking about already.” I laughed playfully. “Aren’t you sport?”

“No.” Allison lied. “I just can’t come up with anything right now. But I’ll let you know when I do.”

“Uh huh.” I laughed again.

“Hey.” She protested again.

“Allison.” I was enjoying this little game. “One of the reasons I think that I’ll win is because of that dream you had the other night.”

“It was just a dream.” Allison defended herself.

“No it wasn’t.”

“Of course it was.” Allison chuckled. “Not to burst your bubble or anything but you are certainly not the first woman I’ve had an erotic dream about.”

“It wasn’t a dream.” I stated simply as if I was telling her the time of day.

The car swerved briefly out of control after a few frightful moments Allison regained control of the vehicle. “What are you saying?” She demanded.

“It really happened.”

“No it didn’t.” She spit out.

“Yes it did.” I confirmed. “I woke up from a similar dream to find you on top of me and we were fondling each other.” I watched in amusement as her jaw hung open. “I know I should have stopped it sooner but it was gentle and it felt so …”

“right.” She concluded in embarrassment. “How far did things go?” She stammered.

“Let’s just say not as far as they could have.” I answered with a blush recalling the feel of her body moving against my own. “I ended up taking a very long and very cold shower.”

“No more sharing a bed.” She answered firmly. “I meant what I said about waiting Stephanie. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. Now let’s just change the subject.”

“Fine by me.” I agreed. “Nice weather we’re having.” She growled irritably at my observation. “Gotcha!” I thought triumphantly. I would abide by Allison’s wishes even though I silently prayed that she would not. I meant what I said I spent a lifetime looking for her and if I had to wait until April to be with her I would. “April! The gods certainly must be bored.”

As we entered the Chestnut Hill section of Newton I could not help but gasp at the sight of the grand houses that lined Commonwealth Avenue. “Do your parents know I’m coming?” I asked shyly as I watch one mansion after another pass by. “I called and told them I was bringing a friend.” Allison answered simply as she pulled into a long driveway. A large brick wall surrounded the exterior property. The house was enormous and yet beautiful. The best way to describe it was grand. “Oh my God!” I gasped in horror seeing the large white columns that adorned the front. “This is where you grew up?”

“Yes.” She responded plainly. “Why?”

“It’s … just so …” I fumbled. “Allison I grew up in a two bedroom apartment that is smaller than the apartment you live in now.” I explained helplessly.

“Oh.” She answered in an embarrassed tone. “Would it make you feel any better to know that up until just a few years ago the bank owned most of it?”

“No.” I answered with a laugh.

“It’s a hand me down.” She fumbled. “The roof leaks and the heating is shot. If it wasn’t for the fireplaces you would freeze at night.”

“Well in that case how could you bring me to such a dump.” I teased trying to ease the sudden tension between us. “Come on it’s cold out here. Will Nicole be here?”

“Sure she lives here.” Allison explained as she retrieved our bags.

“Good maybe she can teach me some new words in French.” I added trying to ease my nervousness about meeting her parents.

“Trust me Nicole is not the person you should learn any new words from.” Allison chuckled. “Not if you ever want to be able to have a conversation in public that is.”

“Oh yeah.” I snorted. “And you have such a pure mouth, Harvard.”

“What?” She protested as we made our way up the walkway.

“Are you forgetting what you said to me on your birthday.” I pointed out.

“Huh?” Allison thought for a brief moment. “Oh, that. I thought you might be hungry.” Allison shrugged as we stepped up onto the expansive front porch.

As I looked at the massive oak door adorned with brass I felt down right shabby. I checked my wool coat and faded blue jeans. I should have changed before leaving Haven I noted. Perhaps I should just enter through the back like the rest of the help. Allison slung our bags onto her broad shoulders and placed one hand on the small of my back and swung the door open with the other. She ushered me quickly. “Come on it’s cold out here.” She flashed me a reassuring smile as she whisked me in the house.

As we entered the marble laden foyer we were greeted by frail looking woman. “Matilda.” Allison greeted her with a hug that seemed to engulf the tiny woman. “Why on earth are you working today?” Allison questioned her as she stepped back. “She has a maid? This is going down hill mighty quick!”

“Allison.” Matilda patted her arm gently. “Are you getting taller?” Matilda smiled brightly at Allison. “No.” Allison laughed. “Perhaps you are getting smaller.” Allison teased. “So why are you working on the day before Thanksgiving? I would have thought you would be cooking up a storm for all of those adorable Grandchildren of yours.”

“I will be just as soon as I finish up here.” Matilda asserted. “This is a busy time of year for my company.” Matilda pointed out.

“Why not have your staff do this?” Allison pushed with genuine concern. “What is the point of owning your own business if you still do all of the work?”

“Kids they all want to go home and be with their families.” Matilda sighed. “What can I say? Family is important.”

“You work too hard.” Allison chastised her.

“You sound like my husband.” Matilda shook a disapproving finger at her. “And don’t take that tone with me Miss. you aren’t so big that I can’t still take you over my knee.” Matilda warned her for brief moment I thought I saw a hint of fear in Allison’s eyes. “Besides no one but me cleans this house for the holidays. Especially with you bringing home a new lady. Now how could I trust someone else with that?”

“She’s not …” Allison started to protest.

“Now where are your manners?” Matilda scolded her. “Doux bebe’ introduce me to your new friend.”

“Dr. Stephanie Grant this is Matilda Thornsby.” Allison offered obediently.

When Matilda took my hand in both of hers I was shocked. She appeared to be so fragile but her grip was like iron, she almost crushed my fingers. “A pleasure to meet you Mrs. Thornsby.” I said respectfully remembering my Connecticut upbringing.

“Such a sweet angel.” Matilda said softly to Allison as she released my hand and patted me gently on the cheek. I looked into those dark brown eyes and found nothing but a sense of loving acceptance. “Tell me Dr. Grant.” Matilda proceeded in a professional manner. “Do you have a house that is just too big for you to clean on your own?” There was something in her manner that made want to tell her ‘yes’ simply to please her.

“She has an apartment.” Allison said quickly to save me.

“We do apartments.” Matilda pointed out.

“It is all the way up in Haven.” I explained.

“I see.” She said casting a knowing glance at Allison. “I will give you my card then. I know what a slob this one is.” As if by magic her business card appeared and was placed in my hand.

“We don’t live together.” Allison tried to explain. “And I am not a slob.”

“Please! I have been picking up after you since you were in diapers.” Matilda snorted. “If you want to know where the pictures are I can show you Stephanie.” Matilda offered I noticed she dropped my formal title. As far as Matilda was concerned I was family.

“Thank you Mrs. Thornsby.” I accepted with glee.

“No.” Came a deep growl behind me as Matilda started to show me the way to the family albums.

“You are no fun at all.” Matilda scoffed. “What are you afraid of that … she’ll see your cute little tushy?” Matilda laughed.

“Hey it’s my tushy and no one is seeing it.” Allison asserted forcibly.

“Like I said she is no fun.” Matilda sighed. “How do you put up with her?” Matilda teased me. “Your lady is very sweet Allison.”

“She’s not my lady.” Allison corrected her.

“Much pretty than the last one.” Matilda said ignoring her last comment. “She was too tall and too white. I don’t like big scary white women they make me nervous.”

“What am I?” Allison laughed making a sweeping gesture regarding her height.

“You are my doux bebe.” Matilda pointed out as she pinched Allison’s cheek. “And you always will be.”

“Fair enough.” Allison agreed. “Speaking of scary white women has old lady Kendell been around yet?”

“No, thank God!” Matilda scoffed. “That is why I came early. I parked my van in the back so I could make a quick getaway. I hate that old woman. She’s always treating me like I’m a maid just because I’m black. Every time I see her she tosses her coat at me and orders me to get her a drink.”

It appeared that at first glance I had also fallen into the same prejudice. The combination of the grand home and a woman of color dusting the furniture. I had automatically assumed that she was the maid. Not the owner of a cleaning company. “So does everyone around here speak French?” I inquired.

“Not Dad.” Allison chuckled. “Mom refuses to teach him. I think she does that so she can talk about him without him knowing it. Although I think he understands more than Mom would like. Matilda speaks several languages.” Allison added proudly.

“That is what my degree is in.” Matilda sighed. “I thought I could travel and be a translator. But all I was offered was secretarial positions. To relax I would clean my house from top to bottom. My best friend suggested that I should do that for a living. I was appalled. Then she explained that I should start my own business. In fact she offered to be my first client since she lived in a big house and with a baby on the way she needed the help. My business grew almost as fast as the baby girl my friend had.” She pinched Allison’s cheek again. “Doux bebe.”

There wasn’t a doubt in my mind who Matilda’s friend was. I also knew that Matilda was probably the only person alive who could get away with pinching Allison’s cheek like that. “What is that you keep calling her?” I inquired as Allison groaned at my question.

“Doux bebe.” Matilda smiled. “Sweet Baby. And she is too.” Matilda reached for the cheek again and gave it a playful squeezed. “David is my petite homme, which means little man. And Nicole is difficulte!”

“Trouble.” Allison translated. “The translations are a little rough at times. Gaia’s family is from Quebec and with her native heritage Mom’s french is a little iffy. Matilda speaks a more formal version.”

“But my grammar is lacking.” Matilda pointed out.

“Great day in the morning!” A deep voice boomed from a room somewhere off to our left. I was a little startled by the outburst. Allison and Matilda didn’t seem to take any notice. “Dad’s home.” Was Allison’s only response.

“Yes he has been watching football all day.” Matilda answered. “Not to worry your Mother made certain that he lit a fire in your room for the two of you.”

“The two of us?” Allison grimaced as I chuckled. Matilda just stared at us blankly. “Hold on it is the middle of the afternoon? How can he be watching football? I didn’t think there were any games until tomorrow.”

“Who knows.” Matilda answered with a shrug. “But if there is a game on that man can find it. I need to finish my work you two go on and say hello to your Father.”

Allison dropped our bags on the winding staircase and took me by the hand. “Come on time to meet Dad.” Allison gave me a gentle tug on my sleeve and led me to the room the shouting had been coming from earlier. She opened the door revealing a large den with mahogany wood covering the walls. In the center of the room sat the largest television I had ever seen in my entire life. A silver hair gentleman was reclined in an oversized leather armchair.

Wrapped up in the game and with his back to us he failed to notice our entrance. “Great day …” He began to shout once again.

“in the morning … you call that a pass!” Allison bellowed out.

“Allison!” He screamed with delight as he jumped out of his chair and rushed over to his daughter. He swept the taller woman up in his arms. His brown eyes twinkled as he set his daughter down taking a step back from her. “Let’s have a look at you child. How are you feeling?”

“Much better Pops.” Allison reassured him.

“And this is?” He smiled at me.

“Dr. Stephanie Grant this is my Dad, Jefferson Kendell the third.” He took my hand gently as Allison made the introduction.

“Jefferson is fine.” He scolded Allison. “You’re a doctor?” He asked eagerly.

“Relax she’s not that kind of doctor Pops.” Allison teased him.

“So you’re a book worm like my little girl then?” Jefferson teased his eldest child as he reached up and ruffled her raven hair.

“Pops!” Allison protested indignantly.

“What? Not getting to big for your britches are you?” Jefferson laughed. “I could still take you over my knee.” He warned her.

“Pops you have never spanked me in your life.” Allison laughed. I suspect that Matilda had never either. “So who plays football on the day before Thanksgiving?” She asked.

“Classic sports.” He answered with pride.

“So this is an old game?” Allison questioned him.

“What’s your point?” He groaned.

“No point Pops.” Allison chuckled. “Basically you are not really watching the game. You’re just hiding in here so Mom won’t catch you smoking your cigars?”

“I am not smoking.” He lied. “My God it’s genetic!” I thought wryly.

“Nice try Pops.” Allison chastised him. “Next time try cracking a window.”

“Speaking of football.” He cut in before his eldest child could lecture him. “When your Mother told me you were bringing home a friend I got an extra ticket for the game tomorrow.”

“The game?” Allison gasped as her face paled. “Oh no.”

“Something wrong Allison?” He asked with concern.

“No.” She blurted out. “Not a thing. We should go find Mom.”

“Okay then.” He turned attention back towards the television. “Oh by the way I lit a fire in your room so the two of you will be warm tonight.”

“About that Dad.” Allison began dryly. “Stephanie and I are not …”

“Of course not.” Jefferson laughed. He had the same laugh as his daughter I was amazed by the way their personalities matched.

“Where is Mom?” Allison groaned in defeat.

“In the kitchen with Gaia.” He answered absently.

“Amazon!” Nicole called out from the doorway. “And you brought the blonde.” Nicole raced over and hugged the both of us. “Now how are you feeling?”

“Much better.” Allison answered her.

“And you, how is the knee?” She directed the question towards me.

“No problems.” I reassured her.

“Good.” Nicole smiled. “I have something to show you Allison.” Nicole was practically beaming.

“She doesn’t know yet?” Their Father inquired.

“No I was saving it as a surprise Pops.” Nicole reached in the pocket of her jeans a pulled out a plastic chip.

“Nikki your five year chip.” Allison swept her up in a hug. “I’m so proud of you little sister.”

“It is still one day at a time.” Nicole confessed as Allison released her. “I never thought I would see the day when I would earn this.” She said proudly as she clasped the chip in her hand.

“Great day in the morning!” Jefferson shouted once again. I couldn’t help but notice he was facing the window and not the television. “What is it Pops? Another bad play?” Allison teased him.

“No.” He answered sadly. “The whitest woman in America just pulled up.”

“Grandma’s here!” Allison and Nicole shouted in unison.

“Someone had better go and warn your Mother.” Jefferson advised gravely.

“I will.” Allison and Nicole jointly volunteered.

“Cowards.” Jefferson scoffed. “Go ahead then.” He said as he waved to his daughters.

“Wait the pool!” Nicole stopped us. “Drinking, homosexuality, democrats or those people? I will go with homosexuality.”

“Drinking.” Allison stated with a shake of her head. “She’ll be thirsty.”

“I’ll have to go with Nicole on this one.” Jefferson answered. “Sorry Allison but the new girlfriend.”

“She’s not my … ugh!” Allison groaned. “Never mind I’m sticking with drinking and I say ten minutes for those people.”

“Five.” Jefferson threw in.

“No way.” Nicole argued. “Matilda just left I’m going with fifteen.”

“Standard wager?” Their Father inquired.

“Of course.” Nicole answered.

“What the hell was that all about?” I asked in confusion as we made our way from the den down a long corridor. “Just wait.” Allison stated simply as we entered the kitchen. The kitchen was a mix of modern fixtures and colonial architecture. At the stove stood a woman with jet-black hair that appeared to be graying slightly. By her stature and chiseled features I could see just where Allison and Nicole had gotten their striking good looks. She flashed a familiar brilliant smile at us as we entered the kitchen. Seated in a wheel chair at the kitchen table was a tiny woman with gray hair. Her tanned features reminded me of something out of a southwestern painting.

“Allison.” Her mother greeted her pulling her eldest child into a warm embrace. “Gaia!” The woman called out. “Allison elle est ici!” The elderly woman simply smiled up at Allison. Allison made her way over and bent down and gently kissed the frail woman on the cheek. “So this is what families are suppose to be like?” I thought to myself as I watched them interact. “Mom this is my friend Stephanie Grant.” Allison introduced us.

“Welcome Stephanie.” Her Mother greeted me with a warm hug that surprised me greatly.

“It is very kind of you to invite me, Mrs. Kendell.” I offered.

“Pauline please.” She instructed me. “Gaia, je vous pesente Stephanie. Une amie de Allison.”

“No Mother.” Allison protested. “Did you put them up to this?” Allison asked Nicole in an accusing manner.

“Now would I do that?” Nicole chuckled as she climbed up to sit on one of the kitchen counters.

“Yes!” Allison scolded her. “You little rat.”

“Hush girls.” Pauline scolded her bickering daughters.

“Just what did I miss?” I had to ask since it appeared that the Kendell siblings were not going to volunteer any information.

“My Mother just introduced you as Allison’s girlfriend.” Nicole chuckled.

“Mom.” Allison began wearily. “Stephanie and I are just friends.”

“It’s true Mrs. Kendell.” I added finally deciding it was time to help Allison out.

“Pauline.” She corrected me. “Mrs. Kendell is my Mother-in-law.”

“Speaking of the wicked witch of the east.” Nicole cut in with an ominous tone. “She’s here.”

“Merde.” Pauline grumbled as her daughter’s eyes widen at her expression. Heck even I know that one. I could detect a slight Tsk from Gaia who obviously disapproved of her grandchild’s use of language. “Put me down for drinking and seven minutes.” Pauline announced.

Just then an extremely thin and overly pale woman burst into the kitchen. Although she was very well dressed there was something about her attire that just screamed of ostentatious ness. Perhaps it was the fur coat and jewels in the middle of the afternoon. That or the way her make up appeared to have been applied with a spatula. She was definitely trying to appear much younger than she was. Her attempt failed miserably.

“Why is it that I am forced to meet with my family in the cook’s area?” She demanded in a shrill tone.

“Because I’m cooking.” Pauline explained turning her attention back the stove.

“Children.” The woman snarled at Allison and Nicole.

“Good afternoon Mrs. Kendell Ma’am” The siblings responded absently in unison.

“Sorciere.” Allison muttered under her breath.

“What was that child?” Mrs. Kendell demanded.

“Do you really want to know?” Allison answered flatly while raising a single eyebrow in a challenging gesture.

The elderly woman wisely chose to ignore Allison’s challenge. “Nicole get off of that counter and fetch me a martini.” Mrs. Kendell ordered.

“Mother.” Jefferson spoke firmly. “I’ve explained to you before that we no longer keep alcohol in the house.”

“Nonsense.” She sniffed.

“You know that it is true and we do it out of respect for Nicole.” Jefferson asserted.

“Ridiculous.” She sniffed once again. “Why on earth would you do that?”

“Because I’m an alcoholic.” Nicole said dryly. “And everyone including myself is more comfortable with my living in a house where there isn’t any liquor.”

“There are no drunks in the Kendell family.” She protested in horror. As she did this money began to change hands around her. I watched as Nicole and Jefferson handed over twenty dollar bills to Allison and Pauline. “Now Nicole get down off of the counter and fetch me a martini.” I noticed something familiar in the manner in which Mrs. Kendell spoke. It was the same way the matrons back in New Haven spoke with their lips barely moving. They could be saying, ‘nice weather we are having’. Yet it always sounded like a put down.

“Our children have been allowed to sit on the counters since they could lift their bottoms up there.” Jefferson countered.

“It is uncivilized.” Mrs. Kendell chastised him. “And I repeat there are no drunks in the Kendell family.”

“That would explain Father’s twelve martini lunches.” Jefferson snickered.

“Don’t be fresh Jefferson.” She responded coldly. “I don’t know why I even bother coming over here? I just came over to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and once again I find myself being treated in a most unpleasant manner.”

“Mrs. Kendell we do not celebrate Thanksgiving out of respect for Gaia.” Allison spat out in a terse manner.

“Please.” Mrs. Kendell scoffed. “The poor thing does not even speak English.”

I looked over to where Gaia was sitting happily shelling peas. She seemed quite unaware of what was happening around her. For the briefest of moments I wish I could be as oblivious as her. It was quite clear that Jefferson’s mother was a first class snob who didn’t care about her family. It was also painfully clear by the reaction of her family that the household rules had been pointed out to her on more than one occasion. I did not like this woman, perhaps it was the way the temperature dropped the moment she entered the room.

“I do not understand what it is with these people.” The obnoxious woman continued. “They come to this country and will not even learn to speak the language. If it wasn’t for us they would have been exterminated years ago.” At that moment everyone checked their watches and then handed over their money to Pauline. I was beginning to catch on as to what was happening here.

“For starters Gaia’s people lived here long before the pilgrims showed up.” Allison scolded her. “And the only reason they faced extinction at all was because of people like us.”

“Don’t get fresh with me young lady.” Mrs. Kendell shot an angry glare at Allison. I made a protective step next to Allison. The woman took a quick glance at me and then looked away in disgust.

“Do you want to play?” Allison whispered in my ear.

“Yes please.” I whispered in reply. Allison pulled me in front of her and wrapped her arms around me tightly. I played along and reached up and caressed Allison’s cheek tenderly. Allison in turn lowered her head and began to nibble delightfully on my neck. I honestly don’t know which felt better our touching or knowing that we were pushing the old witch’s buttons. I could see Allison’s father smiling from behind his now very uncomfortable mother. The woman’s complexion actually grew even paler than before at the sight of us cuddling like lovesick teenagers.

“Why is it every time I come into this house you people are throwing money around?” She choked as Allison continued her exploration of my neck.

“The family collection of course.” Pauline answered as she tucked the money into a cookie jar. “This money is for helping the women in Afghanistan. Care to contribute?” Pauline baited her.

“Always throwing your money away on these silly causes of yours.” Mrs. Kendell sneered. “You should pay more attention to what is going on under your own roof.” She shot a look of disgust at Allison and myself.

This proved to be all the prompting that Allison needed. She placed her fingers under my chin and raised my head to look at her. I swallowed hard as she lowered her lips to mine and captured them in a passionate kiss. I didn’t care if everyone was watching. Personally I would have made love to Allison then and there if I thought it would kill this nasty old woman. Then again even if it didn’t kill her …

“Where is David?” The old woman demanded breaking the spell.

Allison’s body tensed as she pulled her lips from mine. Everyone including myself just glared at her in amazement. I wasn’t even a part of the family and I knew enough to know that David’s absence was a sensitive issue. “Damn what is wrong with you woman? Even I know David is a cult! And I am sure that you do as well!” The look of pain on Pauline’s face was unmistakable. “Mother!” Jefferson snapped in anger. “Time to go.” He grabbed her roughly by the arm and led her out by the arm. Nicole and Allison were instantly by their mother’s side. As the two tried to comfort their mother I could hear angry voices coming from the front of the house.

Jefferson returned and brushed his children aside as he took his wife tenderly into his arms. “I’m sorry Baby.” He cooed. “I think that maybe you should lie down for awhile. Allison can finish up here after all she is the best cook in the family.”

“What?” I exclaimed.

“Allison you didn’t do that again did you?” Her mother question her in an accusing tone.

“What?” Allison tried in vain to defend herself.

“Stephanie you must forgive my thick headed daughter.” Pauline sighed. “She is always telling her girlfriends that she does not know how to cook. “

“Hey tell a woman that you can cook and you will never see another restaurant.” Allison argued. “Besides I have to be in the mood to cook for me it is an all day project. And for the last time Stephanie is not my girlfriend.”

“Yeah right.” The group chuckled.

“Apologize to Stephanie.” Pauline instructed her child. “Now.”

“I’m sorry.” Allison muttered as Nicole laughed. As their parents left the room.

“It is quite all right.” I answered letting her off the hook. “This simply confirms what I have suspected for sometime.”

“Can’t put nothing past you can I?” Allison said with a slight hint of flirtation.

“Honestly Stephanie.” Nicole chimed in. “You really should get this one to cook for you. Her chocolate chip pancakes are the best.”

“Really?” My mouth was watering already.

“No.” A tiny voice protested from behind us. “Her lasagna and that cheesy garlic bread is the best.”

I turned in shock to find Gaia smiling back at me. “I thought you didn’t speak english?” I stammered.

“Of course I speak english.” Gaia confirmed. “It was one of the things that saved me from the reservation when the Catholics arrived to save all of us heathens.” I stood there dumbfounded as I tried soak in this revelation.

“I told you that Gaia was Haley’s daughter in law.” Allison reminded me as she began to chop celery like a master. “You are so busted Professor Kendell.” I teased her as I watched her culinary expertise. She simply wiggled her eyebrows playfully.

“Are you the one who is writing the book with Allison?” Gaia asked me.

“Yes.” I answered her respectfully.

“Nicole child I am finished here.” Gaia said gently as Nicole slid off of the counter and went to take the bowl of peas from her. “You help your sister child. I am going to visit with Stephanie. Come with me and I will show you some of my mother-in-law’s papers. You must help me though. My spirit may move freely but my body is imprisoned.”

Allison stopped what she was doing and undid the brakes on the wheelchair. She showed me what to do and how to move the chair properly. “Go ahead.” Allison insisted as she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I have to warn you of something. Gaia knows things.” I just stared at her blankly. “Trust me she just knows things.”

“Uh huh.” I answered not having the slightest idea of what she was talking about.

I managed to wheel Gaia into her room without any problems. She instructed me to open a large hope chest and that was filled with books and papers. She directed me as to just what I should remove. I handle each item with respect as I placed them on the bed. “Come give me your hand.” She spoke softly.

I sat on the bed an offered her my hand which she clasped gently. “You have come home.” Was all she said as her eyes smiled up at me.

“Excuse me?” I questioned her.

“You have been searching for two things since your birth.” She explained tenderly. “Love and a family. This is your family now.”

“Gaia.” I spoke softly. “Allison and I are not lovers.”

“There is more to love than just the physical.” Gaia explained. “But that will come sooner than you expect. Although you have already suspected that it would. You have captured each other’s hearts. When your heart found Allison’s you found your way home. I know that you are troubled that she has not told you what is in her heart. You spoke first and are bothered that she did not say the same.”

“How did?” I stammered. Okay this is getting a little creepy. It was true! I was bothered by the fact that I told her that I love her and she didn’t say the same thing. She confessed that she cares about me and that she desires me but she never said that she loved me.

“I will tell you.” She said warmly as she patted my hand. “You sit there and listen like you did with your grandmother.”

“How did you know that I told her I loved her?” I asked slowly.

“I just know.” She answered gently. “Not to worry child, she loves you and when you hear her tell you will no longer have any doubts about the path that you have chosen. Trust me child.” She reassured me. “Pauline and Jefferson adore each other. Theirs is a perfect union. Their children grew up knowing this, seeing it every day through the good times and the bad. Each of them assumed that they too would find what their parents had. Not understanding that finding the one person is not as easy as it would appear. Each of them gave their hearts to the first person who asked for it. When their own relationships failed to live up to their parent’s it hurt them deeply.

Allison was proud and felt that she needed to make her parents proud of her. Since her heart had failed her she threw herself into her work thinking that money would make her happy. It didn’t. The day she walked away from everything she assumed that she had failed. Even though she started to walk a path true to herself her heart was still cold. Until now. You have melted her heart. Never doubt this; she needs you to let her love again. She is afraid don’t let her fear stop her from loving you.

David, being the middle child, tried to do everything that his big sister did. He loved a woman for a long time and she was a good woman. But she was not the one. When she left him he was lost and met people who misled him. He will find his way home soon. After the snow kisses the dawn a few more times. Nicole, the wild child, was the baby. She never wanted for anything. Allison and David were always there for her. No matter what; they would protect her. What she needed was to fly and you cannot truly fly if you know there someone there to catch you. Nicole hid instead flying thinking she could hide inside a bottle. She knows all of this now and she is finally free. “

“I don’t need to know all of this.” I tried to explain to her.

“You do.” Gaia answered with a slight nod. “You look at Allison and you wonder why she won’t let you in? They grew up watching the perfect couple and when their own relationships failed to meet this level of perfection Allison and her siblings learned something very new to them. They learned fear.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” I questioned her.

“Because this is now your home.” Gaia said with a quiet smile. “You have brothers and sisters. Your father called many places home. Do not hate him. This hater has already controlled you for far too long. Your father never meant any harm. He was young and no one ever taught him the importance of responsibility. Your mother was also young and unable to resist his charms. Stephanie do not seek out your other family. You will not be welcomed. Embrace your new family.”

“How can you know all of this?” I argued hoping that perhaps she was wrong and yet praying that she was right.

“I just do.” She answered simply. “You are in Allison’s blood. She will see that very soon.”

Gaia decided to let me off the hook and changed the subject. She told me about Haley. I listened to her stories carefully. I found myself envious of what Haley and Eleanor shared so easily. I know that at times I still had my own doubts of how quickly I came out. Was it really the right choice or did I simply jump into this without thinking? Why after everything I had felt and admitted was I still having these doubts?

“Because you are afraid.” Gaia said breaking me out of my musings. “You followed your heart and now your head is trying to rein you in like a wild steed. Since you decided to travel this road how do you feel about yourself?”

“I’m uncertain.” I admitted as she just stared at me in disbelief. “Damn how do you do that? I feel like for the first time in my life I truly know myself and it feels right. But everything happened so soon!”

“Trust your heart child.” She instructed me. “Allow yourself to be happy.”

I nodded in agreement as Gaia started telling me about her childhood. I was thankful for the change in subject. Gaia had fled Canada as a young girl to avoid being placed on a reservation. Her travels led her to Haley and she ended up working for her. She told me that she knew early on that someday she would marry Robert, Haley’s son. Robert had enlisted in the navy and for many years he traveled. When he retired he returned home to his mother. He fell in love with Gaia and even though she was much younger than him they married. She had never had the opportunity to know Eleanor since she had passed on years before Gaia had been born. But Gaia explained that Eleanor’s presence could always be felt.

After Haley’s death it was Robert who had placed the stone between their grave markers. Gaia and Robert decided to spend their twilight years traveling. Just at the time she thought she was about to become a crone she was surprised. It was not the change of life she was experiencing, she was pregnant. Her son Graham was Pauline’s father. I badgered her constantly for more details the story was fascinating. I wanted to know more about Haley and Eleanor.

Night had fallen while we had been talking, our conversation ended when there was a knock on the door. Allison peeked her head into the room to let us know that dinner was ready. I assisted Gaia out to the family dinning room as Allison trailed behind us. Once Gaia was settled Allison pulled my aside.

“I put our bags in my old room.” She explained. “I can’t seem to convince anyone that we are not a couple.”

“Don’t worry about Allison.” I tried to reassure her. “It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before. Look I am sorry about teasing you on the drive up. I promise to keep my hands to myself. It will be fine.” I hoped that she believed me.

“There’s just one more thing.” Allison whispered. “It’s about the game tomorrow …”

“Girls please sit down.” Jefferson insisted.

As we took our seats I could not help but notice how tense Allison was. Perhaps I should stay up late and wait until she is asleep before going up to her bedroom. Dinner was simply wonderful. Allison did not eat much since she was still feeling the effects of the clams from her birthday. I listened to the conversations during dinner. I could not believe how everyone exchanged stories. The banter never ceased during the meal. I was surprised to be included in the chatter. This was a real family! The way they laughed and talked over each other these people truly cared for one another. Growing up I wasn’t allowed to talk during a meal. The only time the conversation became stilted was when David was mentioned. His absence had created an immeasurable void. Allison had seen him once or twice at the airport, only to run away at the sight of her.

The conversation turned quickly to politics. The people they knew and spoke of so casually amazed me. People that I had only read about in the papers. I started to feel out of my element when Jefferson noticed my discomfort. “Stephanie you’re not a republican are you?” He asked sincerely.

“No sir.” I answered quickly. “I can’t afford to be.”

My response received a round of laughter from my dinner companions. “Good then you can stay for dessert.” Jefferson teased me. “And please call me Jefferson.” He pointed out. “Now about the game tomorrow…”

“Oh God.” Allison groaned as her body tensed up.

“Are you okay Sis?” Nicole asked from across the table. “It’s not your stomach is it?”

“No.” Allison answered in a shaky tone. “I’m fine really.”

All eyes were on Allison who was squirming in her chair. “Allison what is it?” He father asked with concern.

“Nothing really.” She lied.

“It must be something.” He pushed. “Every time I mention the game you get all tense.”

“What game?” I asked hoping to distract everyone’s attention from Allison.

“The game Stephanie.” Jefferson boasted proudly. “The only football game that matters. I have been taking my family to my alma mater’s Thanksgiving, sorry Gaia, game since before little Ally could walk. In fact that is where I proposed to Pauline.” Wow this guy really loves football.

Nicole suddenly dropped her fork and stared at me in horror. I turned to Allison who was seated to my right in hopes for some kind of explanation. She was far too busy chewing on her bottom lip to help me out. “One of the proudest moments of my life was when my baby told me she was going to law school at my alma mater.” Jefferson continued unfazed by his daughter’s discomfort.

“Oh so you’re a Harvard man?” I said absently still not fully understanding the problem. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. “Harvard” I muttered to Allison. “So the game would be …”

“The annual Harvard vs. Yale game, of course.” Jefferson advised me.

“Oh no.” I whispered to Allison. “How bad is this?”

“I don’t know it has never happened before.” Allison answered through clenched teeth.

“Will someone please tell me what is going on?” Jefferson asked in concern.

I looked around to find everyone staring at us. I gave Allison’s hand I gentle squeeze and decided to offer myself up as a sacrifice. Knowing that full well it was no big deal for Allison to bring home a woman. But a Yalie was quite a different story. “Jefferson I think I know what is going on.” I began carefully. This could be a problem, Allison and I my get separate rooms yet.”

“Well enlighten this old man.” Jefferson urged me on.

“My undergraduate degree is from UConn.” I explained.

“Fine school.” Jefferson commended me.

“Thank you.” I answered quickly then I took a deep breath before lowering the proverbial boom. “My advance degrees are from Yale.”

There was an eerie silence. I held onto Allison’s hand for dear life and wondered how much a taxi back to Haven would cost. “Now Pops I know how much the game means to you.” Allison offered in my defense.

“Stephanie?” Jefferson addressed me in a stern voice.

“Yes Sir?” I squeaked.

“Have you ever been to the annual game?” He cross-examined me.

“No Sir.” I answered honestly. “I don’t really understand football.”

“Then I will have the pleasure of explaining it to you tomorrow.” He answered gently. “Oh but if Yale wins… which they won’t you are walking home.” He added with a laugh.

“Agreed Sir.” I answer with relief.

“Stop calling me sir.” He grumbled. “I can’t believe this is what was worrying you Allison. I find your girl perfectly charming.” He smiled at me.

“She’s not my …” Allison started to protest. “never mind.”

Everyone relaxed over dessert while Jefferson tried to teach me about the finer points of football and just why Harvard was going to crush Yale. After everyone had finished eating we cleared the table. Everyone including myself helped with the clean up process. I felt like part of the family as we all joked around in the kitchen. Then I helped Allison put Gaia to bed and retrieved Haley’s papers that she had offered me to read. Nicole left for a meeting and the elder Kendell’s excused them for the night.

I found myself looking for an excuse to stay downstairs until Allison was asleep. She didn’t say a word as she took my hand in hers and led me upstairs to her bedroom.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Allison opened the door to her bedroom and allowed me to enter before her. Only the fire blazing in the fireplace lighted the room. In the middle of the room was a four-poster bed. I jumped slightly as I heard the door closing behind me. I placed the papers I was now gripping tightly on a bureau near the door. My palms were sweating as I just stood there feeling like a virgin on her wedding night.

“I will get the light.” Allison said softly from behind me. I could only nod in response.

I spotted my overnight bag on the floor and picked it up wondering what I should do next. Allison’s body brushed against mine as she passed me on her way to the nightstand. I swallowed hard as I watched her body bathed in firelight walking towards the nightstand. She reached for the lamp on the table and then stopped her movements. Allison turned to me and gazed at me with an intensity I had never seen before. I dropped my bag and crossed over to her quickly. She met me half way and without a word we found ourselves wrapped up in each other’s arms. Our lips pressed together as our bodies met. The heat was unbelievable as our mouths parted and our tongues met dancing together with passion.

We gasped as we broke apart as the need to breath overcame us. “I’m terrified.” I gasped. In response she placed her fingers gently on my lips and silenced my fears. “I love you.” She whispered sweetly. “And I want to make love to you.” She began to kiss my neck while her hands trailed down my sides. I felt her tugging my turtleneck out of my jeans and strong hands sliding up under the material. I arched my back as she cupped my breasts gently. Then suddenly her touch vanished and she stepped slightly away from me. I panicked for a brief moment before my fears were gently quieted with a tender kiss.

Allison lifted my shirt from my body and tossed it onto the floor. Then her hands found their way to my bare shoulders and I trembled from her touch. Allison pulled me towards her and wrapped me in her arms. I captured her lips and kissed her passionately. I felt my bra depart my body and fall to the floor. “How do you do that?” I moaned against her lips. She laughed lightly as she pulled her lips from mine. “You inspire me.” She whispered hotly in my ear.

She looked at me as her hands ran down my face then lowered to caress my neck. My skin trembling from her touch. “You are so beautiful.” She said softly as one hand descended further down and cupped my breast. Nimble fingers began to tease my nipple her eyes never leaving mine. I shuddered as I felt my nipple becoming erect. Her eyes closed slightly as she lowered her head and captured my nipple in her mouth. Teasing it slowly with her tongue and teeth. I moaned deeply as my head spun out of control. I ran my fingers through her dark hair and found myself pushing myself further into her mouth.

I thought I would collapse as she moved her mouth to my other breast and lavished it with the same attention. I could feel my passion growing between my legs as she feasted upon my breast. Her tongue moved from my breast and kissed and tasted it’s way down my cleavage. Her hands covered my now aching breast and teased my nipples until I thought I would explode. I groaned deeply as Allison’s mouth sampled my exposed skin moving across my chest down my ribs and lavishing attention to my abdomen. Her hands never leaving my breasts until she had sunk fully onto her knees.

My body went cold as her kisses ceased and her hands left me. I felt a surge of warmth as she began to unbutton my jeans. With each button my heart raced faster and faster. I felt the denim being gently pulled down my body. She paused briefly to remove my shoes and socks. Then she lowered my jeans down to my ankles and I eagerly stepped out of them. I stood there before her clad in nothing but my panties while she kissed her way up my thighs.

I opened my legs to her as she ran her strong determined hands over the sheer fabric of my panties. She looked up at me with a lustful gaze. The intensity of blue was so captivating it made me gasp in anticipation. I knew what she was asking. “Yes.” I trembled not in fear but with desire. Slowly she slid my underwear down my thighs her mouth following their path. I stepped out of my panties and Allison’s mouth began to retrace it’s path back up my body. I was on fire from her touch and shaking from the power of what was happening between us. I felt her hands hold me tightly as I opened myself up to her even further.

A cry escaped my lips as her warm breath blew gently across my blonde curls. Her tongue began to slowly tease me. “Please.” I begged slightly embarrassed by my eagerness and wetness as I pulled her closer. I felt her tongue exploring my passion and I moaned as I felt it enter me. Her tongue parted me slowly and teased me as she plunged it in and out of my opening. I whimpered when it departed, only to moan once again as she began to taste me. “Oh Allison … yes.” I growled as she thrust two fingers inside of me and captured my clit in her mouth.

Wrapping my fingers in her hair I pulled her further into me as my hips began to thrust against her. Her movements became more rapid and directed. My knees became weak as I gasped for air. Somehow she held me upright as my hips began to thrust wildly. I could feel my body trembling and was suddenly frightened. I leaned back to find a desk behind me. With one hand I held onto the desk tightly, while the other hand was firmly attached to the back of Allison’s head.

I could feel one of Allison’s arms wrapped tightly behind my back. I closed my eyes to keep the room from spinning while Allison’s fingers and tongue quickened their pace. Shades of crimson filled my head as a strange buzzing began in my ears. My body began to shudder uncontrollably. My screams were trapped in my throat struggling to be free. With each thrust of my hips I was eager to feel more of what Allison had to offer. I could feel her responding to my neediness taking me deeper. I opened my eyes briefly and swooned at the sight of her crystal blue staring up at me from between my thighs. “OH God!!!!” I screamed my voice finally freed. Allison responded by sucking my throbbing clit harder. “Yes … oh … yes … Allison… .” I screamed louder and louder as my body exploded in ecstasy. I was gasping for air as I began to collapse against the desk behind me. Allison laid her head gently against my stomach while her fingers remain inside of me. My body continued to tremble with the waves of aftershocks from our passion.

Allison began to kiss my stomach gently as her fingers began to tease me once again. I tried to catch my breath as her ministrations began once more. I reached the crest much faster this time. I screamed over and over again as she kept pleasing me. I was losing my grip on the desk and my body started to slide. Before I realized what was happening Allison had captured me in her arms. I was panting, trying to ground myself as she embraced me tighter. Allison kissed me gently and I tasted myself on her lips. “Was it? Did I please you?” She asked me tenderly.

“Are you joking?” I croaked out since my voice was spent. Allison simply held me tighter. “I don’t think I can stand much longer.” I offered weakly.

“Then I shall take you to bed.” She moaned hotly in my ear. My legs began to tremble from her offer.

“Can’t walk that far.” I responded in a daze. Without a word she lowered my trembling body unto the plush carpeted floor and laid down beside me. She gently caressed my breast as I tried to control my breathing.

After a few moments of lying in her arms I began to regain my composure. “What are you thinking?” She asked as she kissed my brow. I snuggle in closer to her. “You’ll think it is foolish.” I answered shyly.

“Never.” She cooed softly into my ear.

“It’s just that I … thought I was frigid.” I admitted in embarrassment.

She laughed at my admission. “Don’t laugh.” I pleaded as I swatted her playfully.

“I’m sorry.” She responded in a serious tone. “Why would you think that?”

“I never experienced an orgasm before tonight.” I swallowed hard as I tried to explain this.

“I think we dispelled that myth.” She said proudly.

“Twice.” I confirmed.

“Never?” She asked thoughtfully.

“I came close a couple of times.” I confessed. “In high school with my best friend and then the other night with you.”

“When I was asleep?” She laughed. I poked her in the ribs. “Sorry.” She apologized and turned towards her looking thoughtfully into my eyes. “Stephanie.” She began in a seductive tone. “I am just beginning. I’m going to make love to you until you scream out my name and beg me to stop.”

I trembled at the thought of her proposition. “Is it always like this?” I asked nervously. “Is this what it is like between women?”

“Sometimes.” She answered me soothingly. “It really depends on the women. There have been women I have been with who probably think that I was the worst lover they ever had.”

“I find that very hard to believe.” I said in amazement.

“Sometimes it comes down to emotion.” Allison explained tenderly. “If your heart is not there or you just don’t click physically then it’s just sex. I think we connect and as I said I want to make love to you.”

“We do connect.” I reassured her with a kiss. “It feels like you are a part of me.”

“I know.” She agreed as she brushed my lips tenderly.

“And will I make love to you?” I asked hopefully uncertain as to what the rules were.

“Yes.” She purred. “Some women like only to please. Others prefer only to be pleased. Personally I like to give and to receive I find both very pleasing. For the moment I only wish to become lost in you. There is so much more I want to do with you.”

“More?” I swallowed hard with anticipation. I wanted to ask her just what she had meant by more but my question was about to be answered as her lips met my own.

I felt her body on top of me as she once again began to tease my nipple with her tongue. I pulled her closer as she teased me with her teeth and tongue. I could feel her hand glide down the naked curves of my body. Once again I was driven by desire and opened myself for her. Her fingers were so strong and sure as she teased my wetness. Then slowly and gently she ran her thumb against my clit. She raised her head and looked deeply into my eyes. I felt as if she could see inside of me and that somehow she could see my soul. I could feel her fingers pressed against my opening. I arched my hips begging her to enter me. Gently her digits entered me her eyes never breaking contact with mine.

My center pushed against her hand demanding more as I pushed harder against her. She responded by increasing her movements with her fingers and thumb teasing me into a frenzy. All the while looking at me it was if I belonged to her and she to me. I did scream her name over and over again as she entered me over and over again. Each time I was certain that my body could not reach the same level of ecstasy. Each time Allison had proven me wrong.

I was amazed how my body continued begging for more and Allison never failed to answer my urging. My level of frenzy became overwhelming as I clawed at her back tearing her shirt in the process. She responded by removing the torn garment with one hand and offering one of her breast up to my eager mouth. I suckled her like a hungry new born. I groaned in disappointment when she removed her breast from my mouth. “Give that back.” I panted. She simply smirked slyly in response as fingers pumped in and out of me in a steady rhythm.

Allison kissed me and began to lower herself down my body leaving kisses and goose bumps in her wake. She nestled herself between my thighs her fingers continued their steady movements and her tongue replaced her thumb flicking teasingly across my throbbing clit. I lost control and at one point consciousness as she feasted upon my desire. I regained my awareness as she held my body tightly as it rose steadily against her mouth. “No more.” I pleaded as she purred gently and kissed the inside of my thigh. She pulled herself up my sensitive body and laid down beside me wrapping me up into her loving arms. “I need to catch my breath.” I panted in exhaustion.

I lost track of time as we laid comfortably in one another’s arms. I felt her heart beating and the warmth of her body as she held me. She pressed against my back and I could feel her nipples becoming erect. This was all of the encouragement that I needed. My body was once again in a full state of arousal. I turned to her and pressed my lips to hers and kissed her deeply. I loved the taste of her and my body craved to taste more of what she had to offer.

Boldly I took her by her naked shoulders and pressed her down onto the floor. Allison offered no resistance as my naked body pressed against her. I grew more eager as her hips arched in response to my touch. My hands trembled as I began to feel my way down ever curve her gorgeous body had to offer. I felt the waistband of her jeans and I ran my hand across the well-worn material. I stopped suddenly feeling uncertain. “I don’t know what to do.” I admitted fearfully.

She gazed deeply into my green eyes and smiled. “Do whatever you want to do I trust you.” She whispered confidently. “I’ll tell you if you do something I don’t like.” I licked my lips and gazed at her half naked body. I lowered my head and began to circle her nipple with my tongue. I began to flick her nipple with my eager tongue. Her moans encouraged me on. I captured her breast in my mouth and sucked it slowly. “Harder.” She begged and I filled her request and feasted upon her. Then I turned my attention to her other breast and lavished it with the same attention.

Her sounds and movements spurred me on and I allowed my instincts to take over. I unzipped her pants and pulled them from her body as she raised her hips to assist me. Her underwear quickly followed. My focus turned to the dark patch nestled between her luscious long legs. I knew what I wanted … what I needed. I lowered my hand to her as she gasped in anticipation. I hesitated slightly her hand reached for mine sensing my hesitation. “Yes.” She moaned as she guided my hand to her wetness. Her body welcomed my touch in so many ways.

My hand cupped her wetness as she ground herself into my palm. “Please …” She begged me. ” … need you now …” She moaned loudly as my fingers entered her. My fingers began a slow and steady rhythm as they pumped in and out of her. With my thumb I circled her button as she had done to me. Incredibly, I discovered that as I pleased her I found myself increasing in my own desires. I now understood what Allison had meant by giving and receiving. My own desire was all consuming as I lowered myself to her. When I tasted her passion for the first time I almost came again. I fumbled at first but soon I found my way with her gentle encouragement. I held her body as she responded to my touch. I could hear her moaning and begging for more. I felt like I was a part of her as she cried out in ecstasy. I could not stop myself I wanted her to explode again. Spurred on by my desire my fingers began their insistent pace once again. I lift my head so I could watch her face as she went over the edge.

Despite the winter chill our bodies were covered in sweat. Allison reached for me and I climbed up her body. She pulled me to her and we kissed frantically. Our hands exploring each other’s body freely and urgently. Our legs entwined as our hips moved together in perfect rhythm. With urgency our bodies pushed harder and harder against one another’s wetness. With in moments ours screams of release blended together. Exhausted we collapsed into each other’s arms.

“I can hear your heart beating.” I murmured as I held her tightly. “That’s because you are near.” She said quietly and then kissed me gently on the top of my head. “I cannot believe that this is happening.” She sighed with relief. “All of those months of being so close to you and being afraid to touch you. Not being able to look into your eyes fearing that you would see how much I wanted you. How much I loved you. Every time we did touch it frightened me. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to let you go. Fearing that it would be the last time I would be able to hold you.”

“And you were the one who wanted to wait until April.” I teased her gently. “Oh by the way you owe me a shower massage.” She laughed at my teasing. Then a sudden terrifying thought came to me. “Oh my God your parents!” I said suddenly recalling our passionate screaming.

“No worries.” Allison reassured me. “Their room is in another wing of the house. Trust me they never heard a thing.”

“Thank God.” I relaxed slightly. “Another wing of the house? This is going to take some getting use to.” I stood slowly on unsteady legs my head spinning slightly. I reached my hand out to her which she accepted eagerly and stood up equally unsteady. “Take me to bed.” I instructed her.

“I like the way you say that.” She purred as she led me gently over to the bed and drew back the covers. She lowered herself down onto the bed and drew me to her. I curled up next to her as she covered us with the blankets. Our exposed bodies touching proved to be far too much of a temptation and we began all over again. With each touch we wanted more and there was no stopping our desires controlled our actions. It wasn’t until Allison noticed that the sun had already risen that we stopped. “We need to take a shower.” Allison commented playfully. I simply smiled in response. “No funny business.” She warned me.

Fortunately there was a private bathroom off of Allison’s bedroom. The privacy proved to be too much of a temptation for both of us as we made love in the shower. Finally after the water turned cold we somehow managed to get clean. As we were drying ourselves it only took one look from Allison to find us making love on the bathroom floor. After a second more subdued and cold shower we managed to dress ourselves. It was no easy task and I was forced not to look at Allison. Knowing the slightest look from her would start my heart racing once again. The way I was feeling amazed me. Never before had I experienced such passion. To want someone so desperately. I knew in my heart it was not simply Allison’s body that I craved, I yearned for her mind, body and soul.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

When we arrived in the kitchen we were greeted by an all to knowing smirk from Nicole. Allison blushed as she poured coffee for the both of us. Our eyes met as she handed me the steaming mug which I almost dropped from the intensity of her gaze. Somehow I managed to hold onto the mug and thanked her. Nicole just chuckled. “It is amazing that after a full night’s sleep the two of you seem to be exhausted.” She remarked sarcastically.

“Shut up.” Allison yawned.

A short while later their parents joined us. They too seemed to be glowing. Allison and Nicole just rolled their eyes at the sight of them. After everyone had been properly caffeinated and dressed we were prepared to leave. Jessup, a neighbor, came over to stay with Gaia while we were out. He didn’t seem to mind the time away from his wife’s dinner preparations and in fact he seemed to look forward to it. Gaia obviously liked him even though she didn’t seem to care for the idea of needing a sitter. After all, the woman was well over a hundred years old and even though her mind was a sharp a tack her body was not. We piled into the family Land Rover and made our way into Cambridge for the game.

Jefferson, true to his word guided me through the entire game. I think the other members of the family were relieved that Jefferson had someone he could take under his wing. This kept him occupied so they could sneak off and find refuge from the cold. It appeared that the only true fan of football was Jefferson. Thankfully, Yale lost. Although it was a close game, Harvard pulled it out with a field goal. I now knew more about football than I ever needed to. A small price to pay for spending time with Jefferson and the truth be told I enjoyed it. But it now appeared that I had become Jefferson’s new football buddy.

After returning to Chestnut Hill dinner preparations were in full swing. “Thanks for sitting with Pops all morning.” Allison said as she gave me a tender kiss on the lips. “I enjoyed it.” I replied honestly.

“Good because he asked if it was okay if he invited you to more games.” Allison chuckled.

“I’d like that.” I answered with a smile.

“Really?” Allison seemed surprised.

“Yes really.” I swatted her playfully. “I like sports and I like your Dad.”

Allison gave me another tender peck on the lips. “Uh hum!” Nicole cleared her throat loudly. “No smooching in the kitchen you two! It’s bad enough when I walk in on Mom and Dad.” Allison simple muttered something in french and brushed past her sister.

“You know we need to teach you French since you’ll be spending more time around here.” Nicole pointed out.

“Don’t you teach her anything.” Allison growled from behind us.

Dinner was a wonderful affair with the food and conversation. The warmth that surrounded the table made me a little teary eyed. How truly wonderful it must have been to grow up with such love and sense of family. No wonder Allison and her siblings expected to find the same in their own relationships.

After dinner Allison and Nicole assumed the clean up duties. Their parents volunteered to help out at a shelter in Boston. I was pleased to learn that this was an activity that they participated in year round and not just for the holidays. Gaia was tired so Allison took her to her room. I was shooed from the kitchen by the Kendell sisters. I suspected that they wanted to talk in private. I went to the family room and began to sift through the papers that Gaia had given me the day before. There was a letter that interested me greatly. It was from a woman named Annabel Freewoman.

* * *

Annabel Freewoman

17 Charles Street

Boston, Massachusetts

July 17th, 1880

My Dearest Eleanor,

I understand that you now travel by the name Sarah Moorehouse for reasons that I think that I can understand. My heart was full to see you alive and well. I had heard that you had passed on when the union army burned Greenwood to the ground. Imagine my delight at learning that the rumors were false. Not to worry my dear friend I will not reveal your secret. I owe you so very much. Including my life. I remember those days working in the fields you were my only ray of sunshine. You kept your brother from taking my virtue and opened the door of knowledge. If you had not taught me to read and write the good Lord knows that even this simple correspondence would not be possible.

At the time I never fully understood the risk you were taking by teaching us the skill of reading. Now I know that your generosity could have cost you your life. Possessing this skill made life easier for me once I found my way North.

You also taught me to love. We were so very young when we discovered our passion. Do not worry my sweet I know that your heart was never truly mine. I knew that each time you left for Baltimore there were others who warmed your bed. It was true for me as well.

I wanted to thank you for my freedom. I can never forget how you saved my sister and me. Stealing us away under the cover of darkness. I will cherish your final words to me as we parted for the last time. “Live well.” And I have. Each day I greet the morning a little more slowly as the years pass, but I greet the morning and thank the good Lord for sending you into my life. And having found you again I can finally express my emotions. I thank you for your courage and kind heart.

No to worry my sweet I know your heart belongs to another. As does mine. Her name is Claudine and we have shared our lives for over ten years now. I can see that you and your woman share the same love as I carry for my sweet Claudine.

I cannot help but think that it was God’s hand who orchestrated our chance encounter last evening. I thank him or whatever forces brought you back into my life. I would enjoy keeping our friendship. I know that you are not well and traveling is difficult. Your words can always reach me. Claudine and I own a small bakery on Charles Street.

How is this possible you ask? I can hear your curious mind at work already. Claudine is fair skinned and can easily pass for white. She lied when she came North and claimed to be a war widow. We both worked hard at the bakery, this is how we met. When the owner passed on I used our savings and the money you gave me when you sent me North to buy the shop from the owner’s widow. Of course everyone assumes that I work for Claudine. If they only knew how demanding I can be on the poor woman.

As I said your words can reach me here since we live above our little shop. Your letters would be most welcome by both of us.

My best to you and your lady.

Lovingly,

Annabel

* * *

“Hey Blondie.” Nicole called to me breaking me out of my musings. “What are you doing?”

“Just going through some stuff Gaia gave me.” I answered as I looked up at her. “This one is a letter from a woman named Annabel Freewoman.”

“She was quite a lady herself from what I understand.” Nicole responded. “Her name before she ran away from the Ballister plantation was Annie Ballister. After she escaped, she made her way up to Boston and ran her own business with her lover. From the letters I have read she gave all of the credit to Eleanor. Of course, all Eleanor really did was help her start on her journey. In the end it was Annabel who was the one to survive leaving the South during a very troubling time.”

“These women faced what must have seemed like insurmountable forces and yet somehow survived.” I said absently. “When you think about it we freak out if the cable goes down. We are afraid of this whole Y2K business messing with our computers thinking that it could bring civilization to a stop. These women couldn’t even vote and still they stood up and fought for their freedoms. The problems that I face in my life seem so insignificant in comparison.”

“Couldn’t imagine what they had to endure.” Nicole agreed. “There are references to Stephan and the other white on the plantation taking what they wanted from the female slaves.”

“Annabel and Eleanor were lovers at one time?” I asked.

“From what I gather.” Nicole answered.

“That must have been what she meant when she caught her brother with Haley.” I said my mind reeling with information. “Haley wrote that Eleanor said something about him still sniffing after her women. I get the impression that her brother must have been fully aware of her orientation.”

“Hard to say.” Nicole replied. “I get the impression that Eleanor had many lovers before settling down with Haley. Most of her own writings and what not including the family bible were lost when the plantation burnt down.”

“That would explain the lack of information on her headstone.” I said. “Back then the only records of births would have been in the family bible.”

I pondered over this thought as I sifted through more papers. “Sorry.” I apologized. “I just get caught up in these things.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Nicole waved off my apology. “I’m use to it what with the folks and Allison. Growing up in household full of lawyers things can get pretty intense.”

“Wait both your parents are lawyers?” I asked as Nicole nodded in response. “So your parents, Allison and David are all lawyers?”

“That’s why I became a doctor.” Nicole laughed. “I just had to be different.”

“You’re different all right.” I teased her. “I’m confused by something. You are a resident? But the time line doesn’t fit. Chris said that you were thrown out of med school.”

“That snake.” Nicole growled. “No I finished med school surprisingly enough. But I screwed up and no decent hospital wanted me. When I sobered up I was forced to start over in many ways. I was already a doctor I had passed the boards and everything. This is my second chance and I’m no fool I know if my last name wasn’t Kendell I’d be selling hemorrhoid cream at CVS.”

“I watched you in the emergency room.” I confessed. “You are good at what you do.”

“I love it.” Nicole admitted. “I always assumed that I would go into private practice. But there is something about the ER. I think that is where I belong.”

“The pressure?” I was slightly hesitant. “Aren’t you worried that you might …”

“Drink.” Nicole finished for me. “It was never the pressure that got to me. It was more the lack of it. Everyone seems to think that there was a some kind of catalyst for me being a drunk. Truth is there was no trauma, no event that sent me off the deep end. I started drinking the way everyone does. At some point I couldn’t tell you when, I was hooked. There is a chance that it’s genetic from the Kendell side or just luck of the draw. Who knows? The truth is that like most alcoholics I just like to drink.” She simply shrugged her shoulders at the thought. Nicole stopped looking for the why and only dealt with the reality of the situation. I had to admire her for that. “The Amazon told me to tell you that she is upstairs in the bedroom grading papers.”

Allison is in the bedroom so why am I down here? I wondered to myself as I stood quickly. “Feel like taking a walk?” Nicole offered. “Umm …” I stammered. Nicole laughed as I blushed. “I know she’s upstairs and the folks are out. Humor me.” Nicole explained gently. “Besides making her wait will be good for her and I thought I told you to let her rest while she was recovering.”

“Not my fault.” I argued.

“That’s not what I heard.” Nicole teased.

“Oh and did you and your sister have a nice chat in the kitchen?” I inquired mockingly.

“Yes as a matter of fact we did.” Nicole flashed that famous Kendell 100 watt smile at me. “Now get your coat and we’ll take a walk around the grounds.”

“A walk around the grounds?” I shook my head at her statement. “I don’t know if I will ever get use to the way you people talk.”

“What?” Nicole responded in confusion.

“Couldn’t you just say let’s go for a walk in the yard?”

“The yard? Huh.” Nicole just shook her head and lead me to gather our coats.

We went outside through the back. As I looked around I realized that the property extended past the pine trees I had seen through the kitchen windows. It looked more like a state park rather than someone’s home. “Still want to call it a yard?” Nicole teased me.

“Wow!” I gasped. “I cannot begin to imagine what it was like to grow up with all of this.” I made a sweeping motion with my arms.

“Doesn’t guarantee you happiness sweet pea.” Nicole pointed out thoughtfully.

We walked in silence for a short while taking in the refreshing cool night air as the light layer of snow crackled beneath our feet. I looked up into the clear winter sky and marveled at the stars. “Beautiful isn’t?” Nicole remarked. “David would love this he knew every constellation.” I said nothing knowing the gap David’s absence had created. “When he first fell in with those people we all thought nothing of it.” Nicole continued absently lost in her memories. “After all a little religion wasn’t a bad thing. I was certainly in no position to throw stones. Then he started to change and become more withdrawn. Then he was gone and it was too late to save him.”

I let Nicole set the pace of our walk and conversation. “The hell this family was enduring. It was one thing to lose a member of your family another to have them refuse to see you. Not knowing how they were or where they were.” I thought to myself as Nicole simply trodden steadily lost in her own thoughts. “You should have seen us when we were kids.” Nicole said proudly breaking the silence. “Allison always had to be the best and the brightest. And she was. David had to do everything she did. Whenever you saw Ally there was David tagging along behind her. Of course I had the both of them wrapped around my finger.” Nicole laughed slightly at the thought. “When we were little, David and I would sneak out of our bedrooms and climb into to bed with Ally and beg her to read to us. She would argue but we always wore her down. She read to us almost every night of our childhoods and it had to be Winnie The Pooh. We never wanted to hear anything else.” Nicole chuckled again.

“Is that why David called her Tigger?” I asked thinking of how sweet it must of been for those three little children.

“Yeah.” Nicole answered with a smile. “He said she did Tigger’s voice the best.”

“She did the voices?” I smiled at the idea of stoic Allison Kendell doing voices for the characters of Winnie The Pooh.

“Yep.” Nicole confirmed. “She did them all; Pooh, Owl, Piglet, the entire hundred acre woods. Looking back on it now it’s hard to believe that she really isn’t that much older than us. She’ll make a great Mom someday.”

“She will.” I agreed whole-heartedly. “I can see her rolling around with the kids … what am I saying?” I stopped myself from thinking so far into the future.

“Why did you stop?” Nicole asked seeming to already understand.

“I think that it’s a bit premature to start … you know making plans.” I muttered in my defense. “The truth is that Allison and I haven’t even been on a date yet.”

“Oh please.” Nicole laughed again. “I’ve been on thousands of dates that doesn’t mean anything.”

“That’s a lot of men Nicole.” I chastised her.

“Mostly.” Nicole said with a shrug. “Anywho … ” Nicole changed the subject as I wondered if she had just implied what I thought she did. ” … several years ago I came home for Thanksgiving and I was drunk of course. Allison started to rip into me. I gave it right back to her only I was cruel. For some reason I seemed to enjoy hurting people when I was drinking. I said something about my being a drunk, David was dysfunctional and Allison was a dyke. The three d’s I like to call it and somehow I thought it was funny. I started up about David again and that was it. Allison and I got into it big time. I could say whatever I wanted about her but David was off limits.”

“It must have been horrible.” I said quietly.

“It was.” Nicole confirmed. “Allison ended up tossing me out of the house during the turkey dinner. I started to rant about how she was a hotshot lawyer with a beautiful girlfriend yadayadayada. I was cruel. Imagine my surprise when Allison pointed out that not only was no longer a lawyer but she and Chris had split up. She was going to school and living with Mom and Dad. Who knew right?” I just nodded in agreement. “Apparently I did and simply forgot that all this happened over a year ago. Somehow I lost an entire year of my life.”

“Is that when you stopped drinking?” I asked carefully.

No.” Nicole sighed heavily. “It was a almost a year later. I broke into the house thinking no one was home. I needed money I was pretty much living on the streets at that point. I was going through Allison’s things looking for money when I found a tattered copy of Winnie The Pooh. That was it. Allison found me curled up clutching that book to my chest and crying like a baby. I will never forget how truly frighten she looked at that moment. The only thing I could say was Ally I need help. She took me to my first meeting that night. So why is she telling me all of this you ask?”

“No.” I answered. “I think I know why.”

“My sister means the world to me and I almost lost her once.” Nicole stated firmly.

“And if I break her heart you will break my legs.” I answered strongly.

“No.” Nicole laughed slightly. “I’ll send Tia Maria over with her cast iron frying pan.” I could tell by the tone of her voice and the look on her face that Nicole was very serious. I also had little doubt that Mrs. Giavanni would not hesitate to chase me around with her well-worn cast iron skillet if I hurt her favorite niece.

“Lucky for me that I am madly in love with your sister and would never do anything to hurt her.” I said firmly hoping to calm her fears and save my hide. “I’m not worried about you, just letting you know how I feel. ” Nicole responded with a reassuring smile. “Stephanie I can see in your eyes every time you look at her just how deeply you love my sister. Don’t let her screw this up. I know she seems like a strong woman but truth be told at times she can be an emotional coward.”

I allowed her words to sink in as I thought back to events at the hospital and how truly frightened Allison was. We walked in silence enjoying the night until the need for warmth became overwhelming. We made our way back to the house and Nicole left to get ready for her shift at the hospital. It would appear that late nights and holidays were a part of Nicole’s retribution.

Jefferson and Pauline arrived home exhausted from their duties at the shelter. Nicole’s ride arrived and she said her good nights to all of us. As she explained to her parents not worry and that she would be home by Saturday morning. I was now eager to rejoin Allison upstairs in the bedroom. “Stephanie.” Pauline called out to me. “Jefferson and I were just going to enjoy some hot chocolate by the fire come join us.” It was not a request.

I put my overactive libido on hold and agreed. Knowing that I was about to receive more grilling regarding my intensions from my future in laws. I couldn’t blame them. I wish that I had someone in my life that cared that much for me. Perhaps I do and she was waiting upstairs for me right at this moment. “Maybe she is in bed naked. Stop that you are sitting with her parents you little pig.” I watched as Jefferson stoked the fire and Pauline entered with a carafe filled with hot chocolate and three very large mugs. “Should I get Allison?” I asked hopefully not looking forward to being double-teamed by her parents.

“Let her relax I’m certain she could use it after being so sick.” Pauline said in a soothing voice as she poured the hot chocolate and handed a steaming mug to me. I accepted the beverage with shaky hands. “Relax Stephanie.” Pauline smiled as her blue eyes twinkled. “We are not going to interrogate you.”

“We aren’t?” Jefferson teased me with a false scowl.

“Jefferson.” His wife cautioned him. “You’ll have to excuse him Stephanie. You know that when the girls started dating he decided that it would funny to be cleaning his rifle when their young men arrived to pick them up.”

“Rifle?” I gasped as the elder Kendell’s chuckled.

“Pauline you are scaring the poor girl.” Jefferson chastised his wife. “Relax Stephanie and drink your hot chocolate and I promise not to bring out any firearms.” I relaxed slightly at his teasing.

“Now as I was saying.” Pauline began as she lowered herself onto the large comfortable sofa and I found myself sitting between the two of them. I suddenly felt very helpless as I realized to I was trapped between the two attorneys. “We are not going to interrogate you. I am quite certain that our little Nicole has already done that. The girls are very overprotective of one another.” Pauline pointed out. “Plus I had a chat with Gaia she told me that you are joining the family. I’ve learned to trust what my grandmother tells me.”

“Okay.” I responded as I sipped my hot chocolate carefully.

“We wanted to thank you for taking such good care of Allison while she was ill.” Pauline patted my arm gently. “Nicole told us that if it wasn’t for you the doctors would have admitted her.”

“I wouldn’t have let that happen.” I answered in a determined tone.

“We know and we thank you for that.” Pauline said tenderly. “Did either of the girls explain to you why Allison is afraid of staying in the hospital over night?”

“No and I didn’t want to pry.” I answered. “I just wanted what was best for Allison.”

“I’m very pleased to hear that.” Pauline said and sipped her hot chocolate slowly.

“We were on vacation.” Jefferson began slowly his dark eyes tearing up slightly at the memory. “It was a little town in upstate New York the kids were little and it was winter time. We thought that a nice walk by the lake in the snow would be fun.”

“We only turned away for a moment.” Pauline said absently and then shook her head bringing herself back to the present. “Those are some of the words parents fear the most. Someday you’ll understand what I mean. When we looked around the kids were gone.”

“When we found them all hell had broken loose.” Jefferson finished for Pauline. “Nikki and David had somehow wandered out onto the lake. Allison went after them somehow she understood it was dangerous to walk on the ice that time of year.”

“She got them to safety.” Pauline picked up for her husband. “But the ice cracked and she fell through and was trapped underneath.”

“You must have been terrified.” I gasped at the thought of poor Allison being trapped in the icy water.

“To say the least.” Pauline confirmed. “We managed somehow to get her out and rush her to the hospital. It was a small hospital and they adhered very strictly to their policies. David and Nicole were not allowed to visit and Jefferson and I were not allowed to stay once visiting hours were over. We wanted to fight them but since it was only for few nights we gave in. We had no idea how truly frightened Allison was since true to her nature she put up a brave front. All she wanted to know was that David and Nikki were all right. She didn’t believe us when we told that they were fine since she wasn’t allowed to see them. Stephanie she was only seven years old and left alone at night she was sick, and terrified. We didn’t understand how painful it had been for her until after she had been released.”

“Those bastards.” I blurted out before I could stop myself. “I’m sorry.” I apologized quickly for my out burst.

“Why?” Jefferson comforted me. “They were bastards. All they had to do was let one of us stay with her or allow her to see her brother and sister. Instead they let a frighten little girl cry all night without any comfort.”

“Stephanie I’m curious about something?” Pauline began carefully. “You never talk about your family. Why is that?”

“I’m an orphan.” I explained calmly. “I lost both my parents at a young age and was raised by my grandmother. I lost her a few years ago. I never had any brothers or sisters so …”

“I’m so sorry Stephanie I shouldn’t have pried.” Pauline apologized quickly.

“I’m not. Everyone here has been so nice to me.” I replied honestly. “I don’t want to step on any toes here but you have really made me feel like a part of the family. And since everyone seems to so upfront about everything, I feel as if I should be too.”

“We can be brutally honest to say the least.” Pauline laughed lightly.

“That’s my fault.” Jefferson confessed. “I grew up in a household that never talked about anything. Secrets were kept and no one was happy. Then I met Pauline and saw what a real family could be. I never lie about my children’s lives. I’m proud of all three of them warts and all. We don’t keep secrets and sometimes it can be overwhelming but my children can always tell us everything.”

“Except that one of your dinner guests went to Yale.” I teased.

Jefferson laughed heartily at my statement and we talked for a little while longer. I left the two of them snuggling by the fire and made my way upstairs. I found Allison deep in thought and covered with papers. “I was beginning to worry about you.” She remarked softly without looking up.

“I was with your family.” I answered her as I gazed at her body illuminated by the light of the fire.

“They really like you.” She said with a smile.

“I like them too.” I answered softly thinking about how much I wanted to kiss her and how nice it was not to have to second-guess that emotion.

“I am amazed that some of these kids got into College in the first place.” She commented as she shuffled her paperwork.

“How is it going?” I asked stealing a glance at her cleavage that was slightly exposed.

“Almost finished.” She answered.

“Good.” I responded with a sly grin.

She looked up at me and smiled her eyes were clouded with passion. A wave of heat rushed over me as she pushed the paperwork aside and held out her hand to me. I felt a spark as our fingers touched and watched in amusement as she blushed slightly. Allison pulled me onto her lap and I straddled her hips my hands rested comfortable on her broad shoulders. I ran my finger across her soft inviting lips as she sighed deeply. I licked my lips unconsciously thinking only about how her lips would taste. Our kisses were magic. Everything about us seemed to fit like a puzzle finally finding it’s missing pieces.

“We really should get some sleep.” She suggested softly in between tasting my lips and neck.

“Of course.” I answered in a sultry tone pulling away from her slightly. I lifted my sweater from my body as she watched me intently. Slowly I undid each of the buttons of my oxford shirt her eyes never leaving the motions of my fingers. Finally, I removed my bra and exposed myself to her. I gently cupped one of my breasts and offered it to her. She gently accepted my offer her fingers exploring the curve of my breast. I moaned with excitement when her tongue finally greeted my skin. When she finally took my breast into her mouth all thoughts of sleeping were pushed aside.

After exploring one another with our hands and mouths we found ourselves naked still on top of the bed covers with our clothing surrounding us. Allison’s long body stretched across mine as my hands caressed her back slipping down the length of her body. She shifted slightly to accommodate the differences in our sizes. I found myself opening to her as she settled in between my firm thighs. We both moaned quietly as the wetness of our passions met.

My green eyes captured her blue ones and I smiled as our bodies began to move together. I clasped her firm cheeks and pressed her deeper into me. Our movements were gentle as our clits danced together and for the first time I knew that our dance would not be interrupted. There was only the two of us at this moment in time. I knew I had found my way home and my home was here in this woman’s arms. “I love you.” I whispered my eyes never breaking contact with hers. “Say it again.” She whispered in return as our sweet gentle movements continued. “I love you Allison.” I moaned as I felt our damp curls gently caress. “I love you Stephanie and I never want to let you go.” Allison offered in return.

There was no hurriedness to our movements as our hips moved in rhythm. No all too consuming fire. There was simply our bodies moving together in a slow sensual dance. My heart was racing as passion grew I pressed her even further into me our clits tingling from the contact. Our movements increasing slightly our eyes locked as the fire grew. We crested and fell together holding each other tightly as our bodies merged into one. Making love with this woman on that night had been so sweet and gentle. No crashing and taking no need to possess the other. We simply touched and exploded from the emotions that we shared at that moment. I almost cried from the intensity we had just shared as we climbed under the covers and wrapped arms around each other drifting off to sleep comforted by the beating of the other’s heart.

When I awoke the next morning I found myself wrapped in Allison’s arms with my head lying gently on her chest. I laid there listening to her steady breathing. I felt her stir slightly then her fingertips running down my back. I looked up to find myself captured once again in a sea of blue. “Good morning.” She whispered as she placed a tender kiss on my lips. I lifted my hand to her face and gently traced the outline of her jaw. “Good morning. Sleep well?” I asked as I snuggled in closer to her. “Hmm.” She sighed contently closing her eyes as a blissful smile crossed her lips.

Those lips proved to be far too tempting to resist. I had only intended a simple good morning kiss. Nothing was ever simple between us as I found myself quickly deepening the kiss. I felt her body began to respond and soon I found myself on top of her. Our bodies melted together in a demanding urgency. I couldn’t wait last night had been about a gentle sharing of our souls. This morning however was all about the driving passion and lust her touch inspired within me. I ran my hand down the length of her gorgeous body and brushed her dark triangle. The wetness pooled between her thighs sent me over the top. With two fingers I teased her silky folds as she opened herself to my touch. I eagerly accepted her offer as my hand cupped her mound we were both ready and I knew what we both wanted. I was inside of her before I realized it. Her hips greeted my touch as I quickly increased my motions.

I grew more excited as her body rose against my hand. I moaned as I felt her hand greeting my own wetness. Our bodies rocked in harmony. Despite the coolness of the morning air our bodies were covered in a blanket of sweat. “Stephanie!” She cried out as her body arched off of the bed. I followed her quickly over the edge and collapsed against her.

We laid together riding out the pleasant aftershocks of our passionate union. She held me tenderly as our breathing slowly returned to normal and our ability to speak returned. “We should go downstairs and have breakfast.” Allison suggested as she held me tightly. “I prefer breakfast in bed.” I growled as I began to kiss the length of her body. She eagerly allowed me to taste her. I feasted upon her until she screamed out my name. I pulled myself up and climbed the length of her body. I kissed her quickly on the lips. “Now we can go downstairs.” I said playfully. She just smiled sweetly. I never saw it coming as she flipped me over and turned her body. Laying side by side her mouth buried in my wetness and mine in hers. Our tongues tasting each other as fingers probed. I could hear her moaning from between my thighs as I screamed her name into her wetness.

Sometime later after a very short yet amusing shower we found ourselves dressed and finally entering the family kitchen for breakfast. “You missed breakfast.” Pauline commented dryly we simply blushed in response. “If you want something you will have to cook.”

Allison simply nodded to her mother and began to fix us breakfast while I put on a fresh pot of coffee. Gaia watched us carefully and smiled at our playful exchange.

“Who’s in the gym?” Allison asked curiously.

“The gym?” I muttered under my breath.

“Nicole.” Pauline answered in a concerned tone.

“I thought she was working today?” Allison pressed.

“She has to go back in but she has some down time for awhile.” Pauline explained thoughtfully.

“What’s wrong?” Allison pushed.

“She won’t say.” Pauline answered.

“How long has she been at it?” Allison sighed deeply.

“Over an hour.” Pauline responded sadly.

I watched as Allison went over to the built in refrigerator and removed a bottle of Gatorade. “I’m going to just check on her.” Allison explained dryly. Her movements were cut off by the sound of Gaia’s voice. “No send Stephanie.”

“Pourquoi?” Allison questioned her curiously. Gaia refused to answer and Allison sighed heavily and handed me the bottle she was holding and pointed me towards the hallway. “You’re up. Second door on the right and down the stairs.” Allison explained.

“And just what should I do when I get there?” I asked in a panic. Allison simply shrugged her shoulders in confusion. “Is Gaia ever wrong?” I pleaded uncomfortable with whole idea of invading Nicole’s space.

“Never.” Allison assured me.

“Well if she’s right about this one I think instead of going to a football game together your Dad and I should take Gaia to the track.” I joked as I nervously clutched the bottle I was holding. Allison chuckled lightly and gave me a tender kiss.

I made my way down the staircase to find a full gym complete with free weights, nautilus equipments, punching bag and a sauna. I trotted carefully across the matted floor and watched in amazement as Nicole worked out her frustrations on the heavy bag suspended from the ceiling. My fear dissipated when something caught my eye as Nicole’s leg swung around and connected with the bag. “You’re not distributing your weight properly.” I said matter of factly.

“What!” Nicole snapped angrily as she turned to me with a feral gleam in her eyes.

“Your balance is all over the place.” I commented not feeling the slightest bit fearful of the anger in her eyes. The anger disappeared knowing I had called her bluff.

“Whatever.” She shrugged and I handed her the bottle of Gatorade. “Thanks.” She accepted my offer and drank down the blue liquid quickly. She set the bottle down and unstrapped her sparring gloves. “So how’d you end up drawing the short straw?”

“Maybe I just missed you.” I answered causally.

“Should Allison be worried?” Nicole teased.

I just shrugged once again ignoring her. “Nice staffs.” I commented as I noted the collection on the wall. “So who’s the expert with them?” I made idle conversation hoping that she would take the bait. If she possessed half of the competitive streak her sister did it wouldn’t take long.

“Both Ally and I.” Nicole answered trying not to reveal anything.

“Tae Kwan Do?” I inquired.

“Yes.” Nicole was beginning to become more interested.

“Who’s better?”

“I am.” Nicole asserted.

“Really?” I baited her.

“Yes.” Nicole answered strongly. “I have better control over lowering my center of gravity.”

“Huh.” I snorted.

“I do.” She protested.

“Not from what I just saw.” I toyed with her.

“I was upset.” Nicole flared. “Gotcha.” She blew out an exhausted breath and hung her head. “Very good. ” She said finally. “I lost a patient last night … suicide. Twenty Seven year old kid who couldn’t understand that things can get better. It hit me hard and I needed to blow off some steam.” She admitted sadly.

“I’m sorry.” I comforted her.

“Thanks.” She smiled slightly. “Oh and for the record I am better than Allison.”

“Since you’re a big ole straight girl I’m going to assume that we are still talking about staffs.” I teased her as she flashed me a cocky grin. “You little fence hopper you.” I gasped knowing I had hit the nail on the head.

“You lesbians always have to put a label on things.” She chided me playfully. “So you ever spar … with staffs I mean?”

“Once or twice.” I lied.

“Uh huh.” Nicole wasn’t buying it. “Grab a staff.” I smiled as I made my way over to wall and selected a staff and carefully weighed it’s balance. Nicole selected a staff as well and went through some basic warm up moves. I could tell by the ease and grace she maneuvered with that she would be a formidable opponent.

I just smiled sweetly as she got into position. “You’re going to kick my ass aren’t you?” She said plainly. “Who me?” I said innocently and batted my eyes for effect. “Oh yeah I’m in trouble.” Nicole laughed and I was pleased to see she was trained well enough not to let my size fool her. The match started out evenly enough and I had to admit that Nicole was good. “So have you and Allison ever gone after the same girl?” I asked as I deflected one of her blows.

“Nope.” She grunted as she went on the defensive and blocked my advance. “Most of the time I’m attracted to men.”

“Good to know.” I answered as I spun my body and blocked her swing on my right. “It is a little upsetting to come out at my age to find that my girlfriend’s sister has slept with more women than I have.”

“These things happen.” Nicole teased as she faked a move to my left and spun quickly in the opposite direction.

“So do these.” I grunted as I read her move and dropped on one knee and spun my staff catching her by the ankles and taking her down in one fluid move. I stood and spun my staff triumphantly and held it above in victory.

“Damn.” She groaned.

“What are you doing?” Allison’s angry voice bellowed from the other side of the room. “Stephanie is picking on me.” Nicole said in jest as I helped her up.

“Nicole you know better than this?” Allison rushed towards her sister.

“Allison?” Nicole protested. “She started it.” Allison just sneered at her younger sister as she placed a protective arm around me. “She did.” Nicole argued. “She called me a name.” Nicole whined. “She called me a fence hopper.” Nicole pouted.

“Well you are.” Allison retorted. “Hey where did you learn that?” Allison asked me curiously.

“I think I have a boo boo.” I changed the subject holding up my finger, which she kissed gently to cure my imaginary injury.

“Ugh.” Nicole groaned.

“You’re not out of the woods yet.” Allison warned her.

“But …” Nicole stammered as I stuck my tongue out at her.

“Nicole you know better than to spar with a beginner.” Allison fumed. “Not at your level.”

“Beginner?” Nicole scoffed. “Allison she beat me.”

“Right.” Allison pulled me closer.

“Allison she beat me.” Nicole repeated more carefully.

“What?” Allison stammered in disbelief.

“Here.” Nicole handed Allison her staff. “You try. Thanks for everything Stephanie I need to get cleaned up and get back to the hospital.”

Allison stared at me with her mouth hanging open and I simply wiggled my eyebrows at her. “It was the only sport where my age didn’t matter.” I explained proudly. “Want to spar?” I suggested. “I don’t think so.” Allison laughed. “See that wall over there?” She pointed to the other end of the room to a wall covered with trophies. “Those are Nikki’s.”

“Yeah a got a ton of those myself in storage.” I waved it off causally. Then I pulled Allison closer to me. “She lost a patient last night.” I explained. “It hit her hard and she needed to blow off some steam.”

“Wow.” Allison sighed deeply. “I don’t know how she does it?”

“She loves what she does.” I said bluntly letting her know in my own way to just let Nicole do what she needs to do.

“Come on breakfast is ready.” Allison nudged me.

The rest of the weekend proceeded in much the same fashion. We spent time with the family. I was beginning to feel more and more at ease with the Kendell clan although their brutal honesty could be shocking at times. Growing up the person closest to me was my grandmother and she and I never really talked about anything. I did make one observation as a group the Kendell’s shared almost everything but individually without the security of the family they could be very guarded with their emotions. I began to understand that their openness with me stemmed from the fact that I was viewed as a member of the family. It pleased me and yet frightened me as well.

I did score some extra points with Jefferson during a friendly game of touch football. Jefferson insisted that I be on his team so he could teach me more about the sport. Then when I proved that I could actually throw the ball he was thrilled beyond belief. Our team, which consisted of Jefferson, Pauline and myself, crushed Nicole, Allison and Jon-Michael, Pauline’s brother who had dropped by one afternoon. We also played board games at night. I learned quickly not to play trivial pursuit with Allison. The woman was a wealth of useless knowledge. At bedtime each night Allison and I would rip each other’s clothing off and drove one another to the brink of insanity. I felt like I was living in a dream world.

We spent the early hours of Sunday morning rolling around in bed. Then it was time to pack. For the first time during our visit we managed to make it downstairs in time for breakfast. We said our goodbyes and after being hugged and kissed by everyone at least twice we drove off. Allison did promise to call so they would know that we arrived home safely. The drive home was very pleasant despite the overwhelming traffic. We talked and laughed. We sang along to the music on the radio. “What happens when we get back to Haven?” I asked nervously at one point.

“Well that depends.” Allison responded dryly.

“On?” I asked with trepidation.

“Have you finished grading your midterms?” Allison asked with a smile.

“Yes.”

“Then I say we unpack the car.” Allison offered in a sultry tone. “I call my parents and let them know we got home in one piece and then we could take advantage of arriving home early.”

“How so?” I teased her as I ran my hand across her thigh.

“Hmm.” Allison moaned. “If you keep doing that we might not make it back to Haven in one piece.” Allison warned me. “What are you worried about?” Allison questioned me thoughtfully.

“That when we get back to reality that things will change.” I confessed.

“They will.” Allison said flatly.

“Oh.” I sighed fearfully.

“In a good way Stephanie.” Allison explained gently. “I am not going to lose you now trust me this time.”

I simply smiled at her response and wished that the roads would suddenly open up. I was more than a little anxious to get home so I could take Allison to bed and make love to her all night long. I never thought I could feel this way about someone. I seemed to need to be with her constantly. I never believed that I could want sex this much. Finally we approached our street. I could feel my excitement growing as we approached the house. All I could think about was making love to Allison. Perhaps that is why I did not take notice of the car parked in front of our house. We pulled into the driveway and I stepped out of the car. Then I saw him. I gasped as I watched him approaching. “What is he doing here?” I thought fearfully.

I looked over at Allison in horror. She seemed to be unfettered by the sight of him. I on the other hand was dumbfounded. Suddenly and irrationally I felt exposed. This was proving to be far too surreal for me. I closed my eyes hoping that his image would simply vanish. When I reopened my eyes he was still there coming closer and closer.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“Peter what are you doing here?” I asked in a frightened tone. His face dropped at my question and his eyes began to tear up slightly. “Well I …” He began and then stopped when he looked over at Allison. I was irked by his expression. He looked at her as if she was the one who was intruding.

“I’ll take our bags in.” Allison offered calmly. “I need to call my parents and let them know that we got home.” She grabbed our bags and started to walk away. She approached me and for a brief moment I was terrified that she might kiss me or show some other sign of affection. Confused by my reaction I just stood there. “Was I suddenly ashamed of her? No! I just did not want Peter to find out this way. I had hurt him enough.”

“It’s all right.” Allison whispered to me tenderly. “I’ll be waiting for you upstairs.” She waved to Peter and went into the house.

“Peter?” I called to him as I felt myself becoming more and more uneasy about the situation. “Why are you here?”

“This is going to sound silly.” He began softly. “I drove up here on Thursday.”

“Thursday?” I gasped. “What have you been doing all of this time?”

“I got a room in town.” He explained sheepishly. “At first I came here because I thought that you might be lying about having plans for the holiday. Then when I arrived and found you weren’t home I was embarrassed. I had already told my parents that we could not make it down for Thanksgiving. I simply had nowhere to go. I drove over here every day hoping to find you.”

“Peter …” I started to say as my heart was breaking for him.

“Don’t say anything Stephanie.” He said sadly. “I feel like a fool.”

We went inside to the warmth of my apartment. I felt sorry for him as I watched him slump down onto my futon. I went into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. I wondered if he had now figured things out when he saw Allison and I together. As I watch the coffee drip into the glass pot I could hear Allison’s footsteps above me. By the sounds I could tell exactly which room she was in and what she was doing. I knew when she put our bags onto her sofa. Funny how I didn’t question that she took my belongings to her apartment. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. I knew when Allison was talking on the telephone. As I watched the coffee maker sputter out its last hiss I listened as Allison began to pace around her living room. I filled two cups of coffee and rejoined Peter. I told him to take off his coat, which he did reluctantly. I sipped my coffee as he stared into his cup.

I silently prayed that he would just say something so we could get this over with and I could go upstairs to be with my lover. A part of me felt guilty for thinking this and another part of me was angry with him for intruding. I had no idea which part of me would win out. “I must look like a total idiot.” Peter said finally.

“No.” I responded hoping in small way I was comforting him. I was torn trying between helping my best friend and listening to the sounds of my lover pacing frantically above us.

“You know I told myself that I was coming here so you wouldn’t be alone.” Peter said absently. “Truth is it was because I wanted to see you. I also I did not want to face my family. I wasn’t comfortable knowing that when I arrived without you I would have to tell everyone all at once that you left me. When I came here and you were gone I felt like everything had just slipped away. Of course I assumed that you were with him.”

“Him?” I asked in puzzlement realizing how quickly that option was no longer one that I considered.

“The guy the one you met when you first came to Haven.” Peter explained. “I was relieved when I saw you with Allison.” He smiled slightly as he said this.

He was clueless. Now this was one of the moments that I seemed to be facing a great deal lately. Everyone faces them. It’s a small life changing choice. I was offered the perfect opportunity to tell him everything. He had most certainly opened the door for me. No matter how much more this was going to hurt him this time I would not remain silent. “Peter there is no he.” I began carefully.

“I knew it.” He sobbed as he slumped back looking like he had just gone ten rounds with a prizefighter and lost.

I took a deep breath as I took in his disheveled appearance and I braced myself for one of the hardest things I would ever do. Then Peter did something I was completely unprepared for. He started to cry. I held him as he sobbed for over an hour as I whispered I’m sorry to him. Finally he collected himself and left with a promise that we would not lose touch with each other. I felt a pang of guilt as I watched him drive off. I hoped that I had made the right decision by not being completely honest with him.

By the sounds I could hear from Allison’s apartment she too had watched Peter drive off. I stopped and listened to her footsteps as I locked up my apartment. She went from the living room directly into her bedroom. I climbed the staircase fearful that Allison would run away from me once again. I went to knock as I approached her door but I stopped and tried the doorknob first. I breathed a sigh of relief as it opened. I walked in and closed and locked the front door behind me. With each step I took as I approached her bedroom I prayed that my presence would be welcomed.

Upon entering the bedroom I found it dimly lit by candlelight and Allison in bed. “I’m sorry.” I apologized to her. “He’s having a hard time letting go.”

“Don’t be sorry.” She answered in a comforting tone. “I cannot blame him. You’re quite a woman Stephanie and I understand that at one time Peter was your best friend. How are you doing?”

“I’ll be fine.” I answered with a heart felt sigh.

“What can I do?” Allison asked me sweetly.

“Tell me that you are completely naked under those blankets.” I said hopefully that the scene that surrounded was an invitation. Without a word Allison pulled back the bed covers and revealed her naked form to me. I licked my lips at the sight of her. It was a vision laid out in front of me. My heart raced as I crossed over to the bed stopping only to remove my shoes. In the few short months I had known this woman I went from being thoroughly convinced that I was completely incapable of sexual desire to being dominated by it. I joined Allison on the bed too eager to stop and undress myself. I kissed her warm mouth and began to explore her naked body. Nothing mattered at that moment. The only thing I wanted, the only thing I could think of, was how much I wanted to please her.

My mouth trailed an eager path across her neck as I pressed her body into my own. I blazed a trail across her skin needing to taste all of her. I slowed my motions as I reached her breasts; I wanted to take my time. As I teased her nipples between my fingers I realized that I was becoming obsessed with her breasts. Just the mere thought of them filled me with desire. I circled her already erected nipple with my tongue teasing it until I could feel Allison’s hand on the back of my head lowering me to her. I pressed my body against hers harder as I took her breast into my mouth and feasted upon it. Then I lavished its twin with the same attention as I lowered my hand down her body and was happily greeted by her wetness.

“How can you be ready so fast?” I moaned against her skin.

“I’ve been like this all morning.” She groaned as I entered her. “More.” She pleaded and I granted her requested eagerly entering her with a third digit.

I watched her body as she arched against my hand as was awestruck by her beauty as she climaxed. She collapsed against the bed in a heap as she pulled me with her. I kissed her brow gently as her body continued to tremble with the aftershocks of my touch. When her body finally stilled I removed myself from her. Lifting my fingers to my face, I inhaled the musky scent that was Allison. I brought my fingers to my lips and tasted her essence. She growled beneath me at the sight. I gazed into her smoky blue orbs as she pulled me to her. As we kissed our lips parted slightly and I could feel her entering my mouth. Her hands raced down my body and began to unbutton my pants and without hesitation she lowered them down my hips.

“Take me …” I pleaded as she teased me. “Now! I want you now!” I moaned my need for her and she responded to my needs. My words surprised me. There had been a time when I wouldn’t have thought such things and now I found myself screaming them as I begged her to take me. “Harder.” I found myself commanding her as I rode her hand. “That’s it …” I groaned heavily as I grasped her wrist and plunged her deeper inside of me. With one final scream I collapsed on top of her. She pulled me into her arms and held me close to her naked body. I snuggled up to her still half dressed and not caring.

Once we caught our breath she placed two gentle fingers under my chin and lift my face to hers. “Let’s go slower this time.” She whispered as she kissed my lips tenderly. Allison rolled me on to my back and began to undress me very slowly stopping to kiss my body as my skin was revealed to her. I would halt her exploration so I could touch her with tender inviting caresses. “I love you.” I murmured as my fingers touched her with a light feathery touch. I shivered from the mix of the cool air and her touch once my body was completely exposed. Allison pulled the bed covers around us.

Tucked in for the night even though it was still the middle of the afternoon we freely touched one another. With each touch and every kiss our desire grew. Our pace remained slow and gentle and this somehow proved too far more intoxicating to me. I touched and kissed every inch of her body and she did the same to me. At one point we just held one another kissing tenderly as our bodies pressed against each other. It was as if we had become an extension of the other. Our passionate exploration continued through out the evening. It must have been sometime around dawn when we found ourselves locked in an embrace gasping for air our hips rising in urgency one inside the other. Our tired voices letting one last scream out. Exhausted we curled up into one another’s arms and drifted off to sleep.

Far too soon I was awaken by the sounds of Allison’s alarm clock. I rolled over her sleeping form and slapped the snooze button harshly. As I rolled back over I caught a glimpse of her breast peeking out from under the comforter. I licked my lips hungrily as the temptation was proving to be too much for me. Slowly I ran my fingertips across her exposed nipple. It excited me as it became hard from my simple touch. Allison moaned deeply from her slumber. Surprised I pulled my hand away. “Don’t stop.” She whispered.

I pulled the comforter down slightly to reveal the object of my desire. I cast a shimmering glance at her before lowering my head to feast upon her. As I circled her nipple with my tongue the alarm clock screamed out once again. We both reached for the offending object. Allison managed to slam the snooze button. Giggling like children we retreated under the covers and began what I hoped would become our own morning ritual.

When the alarm clock announced its presence again we were far too busy to cease our activities. Somehow I dragged myself up from underneath the covers. While I fumbled for the clock we did not stop making love. Meaning only to silence the clock I somehow managed to send it crashing to floor. We were far too wrapped up in one another to notice we only cared that the clock had finally stopped interrupting us. It wasn’t until much later when were dressed and ready to leave for work that we noticed the shattered remains of the alarm clock.

The first day back at work seem to be dragging on forever. I reluctantly separated from Allison so we could both go teach our classes. My students were pleased with their grades from the midterms. Not as pleased as I knew that I had reached them. Allison was busy playing catch up from the days she had missed. I saw very little of her as a result. I found myself staring at the clock willing it to move faster so Allison and I could go home. Then something occurred to me. It was time for lunch anyway. I grabbed my wallet and made way across campus to the campus store.

It was silly but I knew it was the right choice. I giggled slightly as the clerk put my purchase in a bag. “Hey Stephanie.” Maureen called to me. I waved to her as she approached the cashier with her purchase. “How was your holiday?” She asked as the cashier rang up her purchase. “The best.” I answered with a blush.

“Uh huh.” She responded noticing my red cheeks. “How about some lunch?”

“Sounds great.” I agreed.

We entered the Student’s Common area and grabbed our trays and proceed to join the line in the cafeteria. Both having settled on a simple salad. We sat at the first open table we found. “So what do you get at the store?” Maureen inquired trying to make small talk.

“I needed a new alarm clock.” I responded causally. “And what did you buy?”

“A book for Ben.” She explained showing me the book on ancient Egypt.

“So your oldest is taking after Mom?” I said with a smile as I handed the book back to her.

“I think so.” Maureen answered proudly. “Mort and I have talked about when the kids are older I’m going to start going on digs again. Ben should be old enough to go with me. If he’s still interested that is.”

“He will be.” I answered with the same goofy smile that had been plastered on my face all morning.

“You never know.” Maureen added. “Kids can change their interest from day to day.”

“It would be nice to share it with him though.” I offered then took a sip of my peach Snapple.

“Are you going to tell me why you look like you had sex all weekend?” Maureen asked bluntly as I choked on my beverage.

“You know it’s your shyness I admire the most.” I coughed as I checked my clothing to make sure I hadn’t gotten any of my Snapple on them. Maureen simply stared at me and awaited an answer to her question. “Okay I had sex this weekend.” I said trying to sound nonchalant about it.

“I knew it.” Maureen smirked. “You are glowing. It’s funny I had a meeting with a certain tall, dark and gorgeous co-worker of yours and she had the same glow about her.”

“Fancy that.” I teased.

“Come on share.” Maureen pleaded with a pout.

“Share what?” I feigned innocence.

“Ugh.” Maureen growled. “So did you?”

“Did I what?” I continued to torment her.

“Stephanie.” She whined. “Come on give an old married woman a break here. Did you and Allison?” I simply blushed and wiggled my eyebrows at her inquiry. “Well it’s about time.” Maureen blew out a frustrated breath. “How are you going to handle her being in California?”

“I don’t know.” I groaned. “Four months is a long time and this all still so new for us.”

“Mort and I went through the same thing.” Maureen patted my hand gently. “We had just started dating and I was committed to go on a dig in Greece for the summer. It was hard but looked how well it worked out for us.” She ended brightly.

“Thanks.” I said with some relief.

“So how was it?” She asked happily.

“Maureen!” I gasped as I swatted her arm.

“How was what?” An all too familiar voice asked from behind us. Maureen’s jaw dropped at the sight of Allison approaching the table. “Maureen was just asking …” I began as Maureen blushed furiously. “Oh yeah paybacks are a bitch Maureen.”

“Stephanie!” Maureen tried to stop me.

“about our sex life.” I finished much to the surprise of both of my companions. Maureen groaned and buried her face in her hands.

“What did you tell her?” Allison finally managed to squeak out.

“Well I was about to tell her it was good.” I answered flatly.

“Good?” Allison questioned. “Is that all?”

“Hey I don’t want her to get jealous.” I smirked looking up into those captivatingly blue eyes. “The poor girl might have a heart attack if she knew how truly amazing you are in bed.”

Allison stood beside me and caressed my cheek gently with her thumb. I leaned into her touch and gazed deeply into her eyes. “Yuck.” Maureen scoffed. “I think I’m getting a cavity.”

“See I told you she would be jealous.” I pointed out.

“I have to go.” Allison explained.

“Have you eaten?” I asked her firmly. She held up a cup of yogurt in response. “You need more than that.” I informed her as she opened her mouth in an attempt to argue. “Allison go get a sandwich.” I instructed her. She looked like she was going to put up a fight. “Go on.” I ordered her as I shooed her away. Allison muttered something under breath as she slumped back to the food line.

Maureen chuckled at the sight of the normally stoic Allison being ordered around by little old me. “Okay now that she is gone tell me everything.” Maureen instructed me eagerly.

“Everything?” I gasped.

“Well not everything.” Maureen laughed. “But you know how did it finally happen?”

“We decided to spend the holiday with her family.” I began.

“Wait you did it in her parents house?”

“Yeah.” I sighed happily at the memory. “Fortunately it’s a very big house. The whole drive down there Allison kept explaining how we shouldn’t get involved until after she back from California. I don’t know what deity to thank but we ended up sharing a bedroom.”

“Let me guess all of Allison’s plans flew right out the window.” Maureen sighed happily. “I’m glad. I mean I understand that the timing sucks but the two of you belong together. So now that you are home how is going?”

“So far so good.”

“Speaking of good.” Maureen prodded.

“Amazing, earth shattering I think we broke the sound barrier more than once.” I confessed blushing furiously.

After my lunch with Maureen the rest of the day dragged along slowly. Around five thirty Allison finally returned to our office. She just gave me a knowing smile and without a word I gathered up my belongings and walked with her down to the car. We drove home in a blissful silence. As we entered the foyer of the house I grabbed her fiercely and kissed her deeply. I couldn’t wait any longer. I struggled to find my keys and dragged her into my apartment. I closed the door quickly behind us and pushed her up against it. I kissed her hard not hiding my desire as I pulled her overcoat off of her body. I continued to kiss her as I struggled to rid myself of my coat as well. I slid my thigh between her legs and began to grind our hips together.

I was on fire as I pulled her shirt out of her pants. I slid my hands up her taught abdomen and across her ribs feeling my way up under her bra. She moaned my name as my eager fingers brushed against her nipples. It was all the encouragement that I needed. I sank to my knees and unzipped her pants. I found myself yanking her slacks and underwear down her body allowing them to rest around her ankles. Allison opened herself up to me. Eagerly I took her into my mouth. I held her steadily as her body rocked. I could feel her hand pressing gently against the back of my head guiding me to take her deeper. I felt her need as she urged me on. I tasted her harder, deeper, faster bringing her closer to the edge. Her body began tremble as her hips arched and I knew she was close to her release. I held her tightly as my tongue plunged deeper inside of her. Allison clutched the doorknob for support. I felt the wave crash over her as she exploded against me. I held her trembling body as I kiss her thighs. Once I felt her body steady I stood and wrapped my arms around her waist and held her.

Within moments we had undressed one another and climbed under the covers of the futon. Time passed slowly as we made love. Each moment seemed frozen in time. With every touch my body craved more of what I had denied it for so very long. It was if I had locked my heart away and only Allison possessed the key.

Our days passed each filled with a passion I had never known existed. I talked to Peter more and he even came up to visit once while Allison was busy. I try to broach the subject of my homosexuality but once again Peter’s sadness over our break up derailed the conversation. Perhaps I was avoiding the truth but for now it was working. Peter and I seemed to rebuilding our friendship.

One Friday afternoon I found myself sitting on Allison’s lap in our office on campus. We were making out like a couple of teenagers. “Someone could walk in.” Allison warned me in between kisses. “The door is shut.” I protested as my hands began to freely explore her body. “Stephanie …” She pleaded. I placed my fingers on her lips and silenced her. I lifted myself up off her lap and took her hands in mine and pulled her into a standing position.

Allison looked at me curiously as I placed her hands on the desk and stood behind her. My hands roamed across her back enjoying the feel of the wool sweater she was wearing. “Stephanie?” Allison squeaked as my hands cupped her jean clad behind. “Ssh.” I hushed her as my hands roamed to her hips and snaked around to the button of her pants. I pressed my center into her backside as I undid the button of her jeans and then slowly lowered the zipper. “We can’t.” She moaned as I lowered her jeans and underwear down her body.

“We can.” I whispered huskily as my hands now caressed her exposed bottom

“Someone could walk in.” Allison moaned as I urged her legs to open with my thigh. “We shouldn’t not here …” Her words of protest were cut off by the sound of the zipper on my jeans being lowered.

I watched in amusement as she clutched her desk hard. I lowered my pants and underwear down my legs and lifted the hem of my black turtleneck slightly. I pressed my wetness into her naked cheeks as she bucked her hips in response with a deep growl. “Do you want me to stop?” I teased increasing the rhythm of our movements.

“No.” She answered heavily as her hips matched my movements. I grabbed her hips and bucked against her furiously we were both so close as our bodies began to tremble. “Ah yes baby.” She moaned as she held onto her desk for dear life.

“Well I see the two of you have work out your differences.” A voice said with a slightly bitter tone from across the room.

“Merde!” Allison’s startled voice shouted as she pushed herself away from the desk and pulled up her pants. “Chris what are you doing here?” She growled as I hid behind her putting my own clothing back on.

“Enjoying the show.” Chris chuckled lustfully.

“Don’t you know how to knock?” Allison demanded as I continued to cower behind her.

“Hey I did knock.” Chris offered defensively. “I guess you were too occupied to notice.”

“Kill me now.” I grumbled from behind Allison.

“Hi Stephanie.” Chris chirped brightly seeming to enjoy my discomfort.

“Chris.” I growled finally emerging from behind my lover I took my place on the corner of Allison’s desk and folded my arms across my chest and glared at Chris.

“Chris are you here simply to fulfill your voyeuristic fantasies are is there a reason for this intrusion?” Allison questioned her heatedly.

“Why so hostile Ally?” Chris was beyond smug. “Look I just wanted to update you on the case. Not that there was ever anything to it in the first place. Half of Simon’s bogus attempts to get even with the women in his wife’s life couldn’t get an inditement from the grand jury. Normally good old Simon could get a tic tac indited.”

“Chris.” Allison pushed.

“Anywho.” Chris continued. “I went to see Jessica and she refused to help me out. In fact she denied everything.”

“I could have told you that would happen.” Allison pointed out.

“I had to try.” Chris explained. “Now Simon was another story he completely freaked when I went to see him. He also denied everything and then asked me just how well I knew his wife.”

“You’re surprised?” Allison goaded her.

“No.” Chris responded frankly. “But I need to do this by the book this has the potential of becoming a huge scandal. I had to offer Simon an out. My next stop is a meeting with his boss.”

“With the evidence you have collected that should just about wrap everything up.” Allison agreed. “So tell me why the trip up here. You could have told me this on the telephone or by email?”

“I was coming here anyway.” Chris offered. “I thought it would be fun to tell you in person and I was right.” Chris added a wink to her last comment.

“I get it you have a hot date in Boston and now you can charge the firm for your trip.” Allison grumbled.

“I have a class.” I said as I looked at my watch in disgust. I grabbed my briefcase and kissed Allison deeply and then left the two women alone.

Later that night Allison and I were finally able to finish what we had started in the privacy of her bedroom. We collapsed in exhaustion and fell asleep in each other’s arms. On Saturday morning I was awaken by Allison urging me to get dress. Not her usual morning request so I was intrigued as to just what my tall lover had in mind. Once dressed in warm clothing we drove north to a tree farm and went shopping for a Christmas tree for her apartment. Despite my objections to the size of the tree Allison had picked out she bought it and had it tied to the roof of the car. We struggled to get the monster up the staircase and into her apartment.

Once it was inside and Allison dug out the tree stand and her decorations we set about trying to get it into the stand only to discover what I had already pointed out. The tree was far too tall and reluctantly Allison was forced to cut it down to size. She grumbled and I made some coffee while casting out a few choices “I told you so” comments while she struggled with her task. As we decorated the tree I was excited at the prospect of spending the holiday with Allison. I also dreaded the arrival of Christmas knowing that soon after the holiday Allison would be on her way to California.

Once the tree was lit and decorated we sat on the sofa sipping champagne and watching the tiny white lights twinkle. “Beautiful.” I said softly as I held her hand and looked at the tastefully decorated tree. “Yes it is.” Allison answered honestly as I turned to find that her comment was direct towards me and not the scotch pine that had over taken her living room. “I love you.” I said truthfully as I stared deeply into her eyes. Our loving making that night was slow and gentle and beyond words. Once again sleep was not in our future. We were awakening by the sounds of Tigger making bouncing noises from the clock I had bought from her. She would laugh like a child each time it went off. “I love this thing.” She would say, as she would playfully slap the top of Tigger’s head to hit the snooze button.

Our days began to fill up between teaching, work on the book, shopping and my new favorite past time of making love. One morning I awoke before the alarm and looked down at Allison’s sleeping form. The beauty of her overwhelmed me and I found myself crying. Allison awoke to find me weeping beside her. “What’s wrong?” She asked tenderly as she pulled me into a warm embrace. “I don’t want you to go.” I sobbed feeling foolish at my childish behavior. “I love you.” She explained. “And I don’t want to go. But I gave my word and it is too late to back out.”

It was what I needed to hear. I needed to be reassured that she loved me. Silly but true. I loved her and I knew that as hard as it was I would wait for her. At times Allison had suggested that perhaps in her absence I should explore more of the gay community. I knew what she meant. I was not interested in dating other women and let her know that in no uncertain terms.

“I will just have to survive on your letters and phone calls oh don’t forget about email.” I would respond. I understood that her suggestions stemmed from her own fears. That perhaps since I was a newbie in the lesbian world I should explore while she was gone. That perhaps I would meet someone else. I quieted her fears as best I could. I knew that there could never be anyone else who would hold my heart the way that she does. We made plans for the holidays. We had decided to drive down to her parents on Christmas Eve and stay for the annual New Years celebration. We could then drive back on New Years day and this would allow us three days of uninterrupted bliss together before Allison would leave.

During the time leading up to the holiday we spent time with Mrs. Giavanni and helped her prepare for the holiday. I finally met our neighbor the lady cop. Althea was a small African American woman. The sight of her in uniform always made me smile. Out of uniform she looked like a teenager. But once she put on her blue uniform she was an impressive figure. Her girlfriend Linda was a stark contrast she looked like a Swedish supermodel. From the amount of time they spent together it looked as if Linda might be joining our little family soon. Mrs. Giavanni in her own way dropped hints regarding my place of residence. So pointed out that since I spent so much time at Allison’s apartment that perhaps I should just move upstairs.

Neither Allison or I responded to her prodding. We both knew with her leaving it was much too soon to be thinking about such a big step. Besides my little apartment proved to be more than a little handy on those days when we just could not wait until we got upstairs.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I never knew that life could be this wonderful. Allison and I seemed to complete one another in and out of bed. It was truly amazing. I had finished my Christmas shopping with the notable exception of Allison. I had gotten a few things for her stocking but I was at a complete loss as to what else to get for her. If we had simply remained friends it would have been easy. Now that we were lovers I found it difficult to find a gift that express how I felt. Everything I viewed seemed somehow far too materialistic. Besides what do you get for the woman who has everything? I wanted to get her something personal. Something that would always remind her of me. We left campus early one afternoon to take care of a multitude of errands that needed to be completed before Allison left town.

The first stop was the registry of motor vehicles. I needed to change my driver’s license over from Connecticut to Massachusetts. After waiting endlessly and filling out stacks of paperwork. I finally was having my picture taken. Then we rushed over to Allison’s insurance agent. She needed to have me listed as a driver if I was going to be using her car in her absence. I felt somewhat uncomfortable with this. But Allison was right I would be using her car mostly to run errands for Mrs. Giavanni and to drive to school until the warm weather returned. Since the car was less than a year old she needed to list me as a driver for extra protection.

After we finished this and some more tedious errands we walked around Boston. Something in a window of a small shop on Charles Street caught my eye. I managed to send Allison off to the CVS down the street by lying about needing more wrapping paper. The moment I saw her entering the store I quickly ducked into the small shop.

It was simple and yet beautiful just like Allison. A small onyx pendant set in silver. Perfect since Allison never wore gold. I did some haggling with the owner of the shop. He tried to sell me the pendant at an outrageous sum of money claiming that the piece was from the colonial period. I shot him an angry glare and explained my credentials and just why the colonial period wasn’t a possibility he quickly dropped the price. I was more than a little pleased with myself as I tucked the box into my pocket I glanced back at the store and smiled when I noted the address. Seventeen Charles Street. It seems that the past was once again guiding me. I was startled when Allison touched my arm. “I’m sorry.” I quickly gasped. “I was just looking at Annabel’s shop.” I lied. Allison smiled at me and we departed for home.

Finally my shopping was complete. On the drive back to Haven it began to snow. I looked over at Allison and smiled knowing that we would not be wrapping presents tonight. I said a silent thank you to Chris. What she had revealed about Allison and the weather proved to be delightfully accurate.

After we made love I was disappointed when Allison left the bed to make dinner. I was not in the mood for food. I just wanted more of her. Allison lasagna proved far too tempting to resist and I found myself happily accepting seconds. After dinner we wrapped ourselves up in a blanket on the sofa. As we sipped our wine and looked at the tree I became lost in thought. She would be gone soon.

“Penny for your thoughts.” She whispered as she gently kissed my forehead.

“I’m going to miss you.” I answered honestly.

“I know.” She sighed. “I’ll miss you as well. Maybe we could schedule some trips to see each other?”

“I couldn’t afford that.” I said sadly.

“What if you didn’t have to pay rent?” Allison asked bluntly.

“Allison?” I wasn’t prepared for that. “Your aunt needs the money.” I protested.

“Hear me out.” Allison held up her hand. “What if you were living here?” My eyes widen to the size of saucers and I stared at her blankly. “Let me explain before you panic. You’ll be looking after my apartment anyway and the college has hired someone to fill in for me during my absence. She will need a place to stay. We could move your stuff up here and she can sublet your place.”

I was confused a part of me wanted to jump up and down and do a happy dance. Yet there was another part of me that was terrified and uncomfortable at her suggestion. “What happens when you come home?” I asked hesitantly.

“Stephanie if for some reason our relationship does not survive our separation does you plans on staying downstairs from me?” Allison questioned me directly.

“No.” I answered firmly. “It was hard enough on both of us before we started seeing each other. I couldn’t go through that again. What happens if were are still together in April?”

“I don’t doubt that we will be.” Allison reassured me. “Look if when I come home it is too soon for us to be living together than we simply go back to the way it was. I have to admit I kind of enjoy be able to use your apartment when we can’t wait to get upstairs.”

I blushed recalling the numerous occasions that having a bed on the first floor provided a quick solution for our amorous adventures. “I don’t know.” I began slowly. I wanted to say yes knowing that what we shared would last forever. Yet there was something else nagging at me. That something was my pride. “Allison I just wouldn’t feel comfortable with you paying my way.” I finally confessed.

“I wouldn’t be paying your way.” Allison argued with a smile. “I would simply be paying the utilities. Which I do anyways. If it makes you feel better you can take over the telephone and cable bill. I can have it set up with my accountant.”

“You have an accountant?” I asked in amazement.

“Of course.” Allison replied simply. “I have to with my investments.”

“Oh of course.” I chuckled then I caught myself and sighed heavily. “I just don’t want to feel like you are supporting me.” I had to be honest it was the only thing keeping me from accepting her offer. I had worked my entire life to become independent.

“I wouldn’t be.” Allison protested. “You would be paying everything that isn’t covered by the rent.”

“But I wouldn’t be paying any rent.” I tried to reason with her.

“Because there is no rent to pay on this apartment.” Allison countered. “Tia Maria would be receiving the same amount of money if I was staying in town.”

“But you’ll be paying rent in California.” I offered.

“No I’m staying in faculty housing.” Allison deflated my point quickly. “I’m house sitting for another Professor who will be on sabbatical. So it won’t cost me a dime to live there.” I listened to her argument and it made sense. “I have a newsflash for you Stephanie you make more money than I do. The only reason I have more money is because I invested well. The interest I make off of my portfolio cover this house, my car and help out my family. If I lost my job I would be in trouble just like everyone else.”

“Okay.” I agreed. “It’s not like I ever use my apartment anymore. Most of my clothing is up here.” I laughed. “I was just thinking about this joke Rita told me. What does a lesbian bring on a second date?”

“A UHaul.” Allison laughed. “It’s an old joke honey. Look we won’t really be living together if that is what is bothering you. I am going to be on the other side of the country. And when I get home we can talk about our living arrangement.”

“Well it would nice to save some money.” I found myself agreeing. “Not to mention how much I love your apartment.”

“So you’re saying yes.” Allison asked carefully.

“Yes.” I answered as I leaned into her body. “Now kiss me.” The kiss was sweet and gentle and quickly deepened into more as we invited one another to explore further. I was breathless as our lips parted. I began to fumble under the blanket and remove her clothing. “Don’t you ever get enough?” She teased me as her hands began to roam my body. “Never.” I replied breathlessly. “I could never get enough of you.”

“Good.” Allison moaned from my touch. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I answered as I stopped my exploration and looked deeply into those baby blue eyes.

The following morning we moved my few belongings upstairs most of which took up residence in my office on the second floor. With savings in rent perhaps I would be able to buy my own car. It was the twenty-third and classes were finally over. My only plans for the rest of the day were to make love to Allison. I wanted to make it last all night and commit her body to my memory. At times our lovemaking was rushed driven solely by a lust that neither of us could control. Other times we took everything very slowly wanting each moment to last forever. That night was a night to take things slowly. With each touch and every lingering kiss we were lost in each other. I remember thinking that I could spend an eternity just caressing her breasts.

* * *

The next morning I awoke blissfully as Allison lay sleeping beside me. I played with her tussled hair while she slept peacefully. I nuzzled my nose into her neck and inhaled her scent. I knew that Allison would not be awaking any time soon so reluctantly I climbed out of bed and threw on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt that belong to Allison. I loved wearing her clothes it was like carrying a part of her around with me. I made my way into the kitchen and brewed a pot of coffee. I ground a few vanilla beans in it as Allison did to bring out the flavor. While the coffee was brewing I dug out some of the papers that Gaia had given me and settled down onto the sofa with and began to read. Once the coffee was ready I retrieved a cup and returned to the bedroom. Allison was still fast asleep. I decided to read from Eleanor’s diary. From her words I sensed that life did not always run as smoothly as Haley had viewed it.

* * *

July 1863

I find it hard to rally the men after the loss we have endured over the past few days. My thoughts turn to my beloved Haley. I thank the good Lord that my injury was not serious. I will return to her. I also thank the Lord that my secret has remained just that … a secret. The men are restless perhaps a trip to Mrs. Moorehouse’s will lift their spirits. It will be a long trek from Pennsylvania but the men deserves some entertainment. We have faced the Yankees and have been driven back each morn. Russell my second in command and my dearest friend and I fought bitterly today. I told him of my plans for our trip.

I revealed to him the true reason I wished to visit with Mrs. Moorehouse. I planned to take Haley as my wife. ‘But lad you can not.’ He scolded me. ‘She’s a whore.’ His words had angered me so that I drew my sword without hesitation. ‘I will thank you not to call her that!’ I informed him. ‘I am fond of the lady.’ I will never know if it was the sincerity of my words or the tip of my blade pressed against his neck that made him apologize.

It hurt me to argue with him. I admire Russell in many ways. He is very much my elder. If it were not for my station in life it would be him leading this unit. I rely heavily upon his advice. We both fight for the south because this is our home. Neither of us supported slavery. Although our reasons differ greatly. I like our great leader General Lee feel that slavery is abhorrent. Russell like many others does not share my opinion. Russell’s reasons are more practical. For a man of his station finding honest work is difficult in the south. Why pay a man to work when you can simply buy a slave who is forced to work for you. Russell came to this glorious land in hopes of finding a better life. The life he found was cold and unwelcoming. America although built entirely by foreigners did not welcome outsiders. Will this country ever grow to be what our forefathers fought for it to be?

Russell’s harsh words had cut through me. I cannot help but believe that this conflict has made whores of all of us. I fight for a cause that I do not embrace in my heart. As the road to the end nears I am all too aware that the South will fall. As proud Southerns will we ever survive the defeat?

My feelings for Haley trouble me. I love her dearly as I have loved no other before her. The fact that there have been so many before her. Haley was angered when I told her of the number of women from my youth. The Boston Marriages are a simple tradition for my station. Most of my companions went on to marry appropriate suitors. I knew in my heart that this was not a road I would travel willingly. I followed my heart and it led me to Haley.

I accept our lives together but she often becomes jealous and angry over the fact that I have kept company with so many. I find that odd, since she has made her wages by entertaining men. If I see her again I will offer her my hand. Perhaps that will quiet her fears. It will quiet my own. For I know in my heart that there shall never be another for me.

It is her smile that keeps me going during these bloody days. At night I try to rest but faded echoes of the canons haunt my dreams. I pray that I will find peace in my beloved Haley’s arms. For now I try to sleep. At dawn we bury the dead.

* * *

Eleanor’s words seemed so troubled. I personally could see why Haley was troubled by Eleanor’s past. In so many ways her suspicions mirrored my own. Allison had known so many women. Would she find someone new when she travels to California? Could I measure up to the passion she must have known in her life? Face it Chris alone must have been quite an education. Allison stirred slightly as I wondered if this beauty that laid beside me would eventually break my heart.

“Good Morning.” She whispered as she looked up at me. “What are you doing?”

“I was just … working.” I smiled at her loving expression. “No you won’t hurt me I can see it in your eyes.” I placed my coffee cup on the nightstand and placed Eleanor’s diary on the floor. I rolled on top of Allison and kissed her gently. “Now I’m going to say good morning.” I kissed my way down her neck. Encouraged by her moan I continued my journey tasting her skin. I found myself teasing her nipple with my tongue. I teased her further and the more I teased the tighter she held me. My fingers traced their way down her body. I could feel her opening herself. It was an invitation I could not refuse as I slid my fingers inside of her. Her wetness greeted my touch. Nothing excited me more than her passion. Just knowing that she wanted me could send me over the edge. I could feel her excitement growing and my fingers began thrusting harder. She screamed my name as her fingers dug into my back as she tried to hold on.

“I like the way you say Good Morning.” She croaked breathlessly. “I still find it hard to believe that you are new at this.”

“You inspire me.” I answered with a smile as I snuggled up against her listening to the beating of her heart. “Would you like some breakfast?” I asked once she caught her breath. She didn’t say a word as she smiled knowingly in response and lifted my face to hers and kissed me deeply. Within moments I was screaming her name as she feasted upon my wetness.

Later we finally managed to drag ourselves out of bed and into the shower. Meaning only to bath ourselves we soon found it impossible and made love once again. We finally finished our shower when the water turned icy cold. We dressed and packed the car with our bags and presents for the family. Then we took a casual stroll into town and had a real breakfast at the Java House. Upon returning home we went upstairs to rest before facing the holiday traffic.

I watched her profile as she absently ran her fingers through my hair. “Do you have any idea just how truly beautiful you are?” She asked me as she looked intently into my eyes. It was all I needed. I reached up and kissed her. Gently I lowered her down on the sofa. I began to unzip her jeans when a sound from downstairs startled me. There was someone knocking on my apartment door. I lifted my head and listened. “Stephanie?” I heard Peter calling as he knocked on the my apartment door.

“Damn it.” I scowled as I pulled myself up.

“What is he doing here?” Allison growled angrily.

I gazed down at her knowing that I wanted to finish what I had started. But I had to go and deal with Peter first. “I’m sorry.” I apologized quickly. “I’ll get rid of him.”

“Don’t be silly.” Allison sighed as she stood and zipped up her pants. “He probably just wants to wish you a Merry Christmas. I’m sorry I was so sharp at first. I know that he must be having a hard time with this. I certainly would be. Why don’t you invite him up?” She offered gallantly.

“What?” I stared at her in amazement.

“It might help him adjust to things.” She explained thoughtfully. “You know seeing us together.”

“Oh no! I knew things were going too well.” I could not respond to her suggestion as I felt a full-fledged panic attack starting to grip my chest. I knew that Allison was not going to take this well. “Stephanie?” Allison called out to me. “Is there a problem?” She asked cautiously.

“No.” I answered quickly. Perhaps too quickly. “Just let me talk to him.” As I was saying this I could her Peter’s footsteps ascending the staircase.

“Stephanie?” Allison began slowly. “He doesn’t know about us does he?” Her voice was very calm and controlled perhaps slightly too controlled.

“No.” I confessed.

“It’s all right.” Allison responded in the same overly calm tone that was beginning to worry me. “I understand.”

“You do?” I responded with suspicion.

“Of course.” Allison said calmly and caressed my arm reassuringly. “Finding out that you are gay must have been hard enough on him.” I said nothing. I could not move. I could not think. I know that I hadn’t betrayed her I did try to tell him. Yet Allison was not going to respond very well when I told her. “Oh my God!” She said sharply and there it was before I even told her she knew. “You didn’t tell him!” Allison hissed in disgust. There it was and of her fear and doubts confirmed in a single moment.

Peter was knocking on her door and she was just staring at me in disbelief one step away from completely freaking out. “Allison.” I began cautiously. “When I ended things with him back in October I explained that I was not in love with him which is the truth.”

“But …” Allison struggled in a strained voice. I could tell that she fighting with herself not to explode. “.. I seem to recall that he

assumed that there was someone else. You talk to him all of the time and he comes to visit. Since I’m going to assume that he thinks that this someone else is a man which I am mostly definitely not, Peter is going to think that there no one else in your life. Stephanie he probably thinks that in time the two of you will get back together.”

“No.” I argued. “I’ve told him repetitively that it is over. I’m going to tell him everything Allison. Just not right now.”

“Don’t.” Allison snapped as she pulled away from me. “Are you ashamed of me?”

“No.” I answered firmly and without hesitation.

“Are you ashamed of being gay?” Allison asked carefully.

“No.” I responded again with the same firmness. “I’ve tried to tell him but he is just so hurt right now. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.”

“Tell him.” Allison ordered me sternly.

“On Christmas Eve?” I gasped in horror. I wasn’t sure what had stunned me more that she had told me to do it now or that she had out and out ordered me to do it.

“Tell him.” Allison repeated. “Trust me in the long run you will be doing him a favor.”

“Allison let me handle this.” I fought back. “I am going to tell him in my own way. But it won’t be today.” I will never forget the look on her face. It was if I had slapped her. I couldn’t bare to see her hurt this way. I had to turn away from her. I opened the door to find Peter standing on the other side. “Hey.” He said with a goofy grin. “I was just about to knock. I had a feeling that you would be up here. I think it’s really nice that you have a neighbor you can be buddies with.” I grabbed him by the arm harshly and led him back down the staircase. This was all going very badly. I knew what Allison was thinking and why she had snapped at me. It must have seemed like a bad flashback. Right now the woman I love was upstairs in a panic and her next course of action would be to run. I had to deal with Peter quickly and then go back upstairs and reassure my lover that I was not like the others.

When Peter and I reached the bottom of the staircase I spun him around. “Peter, what are you doing here?” I demanded harshly.

“Stephanie.” He said gently. “Oh please just wish me a merry Christmas and go!” My mind pleaded helplessly. “I want us to stop playing games.” He continued. “Oh no.” I felt the bile rising in my throat. “When we first split up you led me to believe that there was someone else. But it is pretty obvious that isn’t the truth. Look I understand we met in college and I can understand that you needed time apart.”

“Oh my God Allison was right!” As the words screamed through my mind I watched in horror as he got down on one knee. “I was planning on doing this in private.” He laughed nervously and looked up at the staircase. “But here goes.” I followed his eyes and was horrified to see her standing there. Her face was ashen as she leaned up against the wall for support. Her eyes seemed to be begging me to stop him and tell him the truth.

“Stephanie.” Peter called for my attention. I turned and met his gaze. There he was kneeling on the floor with a jewelry box opened to reveal a diamond ring. “Marry me.” Was all he said.

I burst into tears. This was horrible. “Darling says yes.” He pleaded as I wept. “Allison help me out here.” He implored her. I turned to her fearfully. She just turned away and walked back upstairs slamming her apartment door behind her. “Stephanie?” Peter called to me once again.

“Peter get up.” I pleaded as I wiped the tears from my eyes and then took his hand gently as he stood beside me. I seated him on the staircase. “Peter.” I began slowly. “I’m sorry but the answer is no.” His smile quickly vanished as he put the ring back inside his coat pocket. “I’m sorry.” I repeated. “I love you. I do you know that.” I said as I looked into his wounded eyes. “But I’m not in love with you.” He slowly rose to his feet.

“I feel like a fool.” He whispered.

I stood behind him and placed my hands on his shoulders. “Peter there is something I need to tell you.” I said trying to calm myself. “I didn’t fully understand my feelings for you until I came to understand myself. Peter I’m a lesbian.” His body tensed as I spoke these words.

“What!” He shouted as he turned to me in anger. “How can you say that?”

“Because it’s true.” I answered calmly. I had hoped that my calmness would quiet him down. I was mistaken.

“You can’t be gay!” He shouted again as his face reddened.

With his last out burst Hal appeared wearing a formal evening gown. “Is everything all right out here?” Hal asked me with concern.

“What is it with this place?” Peter shouted. “I everyone who lives here a homo or what?”

I recoiled at the hateful words. I had never expected him to react this way. Hal on the other hand was not offend he was accustomed to this misconception. “I am not a homosexual.” Hal responded confidently.

“Listen Pal!” Peter spun around in a hostile manner. “First of all this is none of your business and second of all you might be a little more convincing if you weren’t wearing a dress.”

Hal just sighed. “Young man.” He explained dryly. “I am a transvestite not a drag queen.”

“Who gives a …” Peter snarled.

“Peter!” I cut in quickly. “Just calm down. Hal I can handle this.”

“I am calm.” Peter snapped.

“I’m not convinced.” A calm and familiar voice said from behind us. We turned quickly to find Althea standing there in her uniform. “I would be more convinced if you stepped back about two feet.” Althea spoke with a calm yet authoritative voice. Peter just stared at her blankly. “Hal why don’t you go back inside.” Althea instructed the physics professor who obeyed and returned to his apartment. “Now.” She returned her attention towards Peter. “Why don’t you step back sir.” Peter failed to comply with her request. He just stood there glaring at me. “Stephanie what is your friend’s name?” She asked me in a mild tone without taking her eyes off of him.

“Peter.” I responded nervously.

“Peter?” Althea said calmly. “Do me a favor and look at your hands.”

As he cast a glance down we were both shocked to see his hands clenched into fists. He dropped his hands suddenly and backed up against the wall. “Good.” Althea said in a soothing tone. Peter just stood there shaking.

“I wouldn’t hurt her.” His voice trembled.

“I know.” Althea continued to sooth him. “But you know someone who would?” It wasn’t a question somehow she just seemed to know. “You’re not him Peter.” She offered calmly.

“No I’m not.” Peter choked.

Althea stood with him as he calmed himself and caught his breath. I knew that the sight of his hands clenched in anger had frightened him and I knew why. It was his father. The man beat him and his mother on a daily basis. They finally ran off one night while he was at work. Peter and his mother lived in a shelter for over a month. He swore that he would never be like him. He would be like his stepfather who was a kind and decent man. The guilt I felt over this situation made me sick.

Althea talked with him for a while and when she was finally convinced that he would be all right she agreed to leave us. “Oh and just for the record Hal may enjoy wearing women’s clothing but the guy would have kicked your ass son.” She then touched me gently on the shoulder. “Will you be all right?” She questioned me with concern. I simply nodded my head in response. “God I hate the holidays.” She muttered as she made her departure.

We stood there in silence for a few moments. “Is it true?” Peter finally asked in a defeated tone.

“Yes.” I answered quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked. “All of these months I had convinced myself that maybe there was still a chance for us. You should have told me. I would have been hurt but at least I would have known the truth. All of this time I just thought you had lied about there being another guy. I guess in a way you did lie.”

“No letting you believe it was the lie.” I choked. “I just didn’t want to hurt you anymore than I already had.”

“Now that is a lie.” Peter said calmly. “You did it because you didn’t want me mad at you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked in confusion.

“I mean that you are afraid of losing the people in your life.” Peter sighed dejectedly. “You will do anything to keep people from getting mad at you. You weren’t protecting me you were protecting yourself.” I felt a stab of truth in his words. “When did you?”

“I’ve had these feeling since I was a teenager.” I confessed. “I just fought them and pretended that they weren’t real. Until I met Allison.”

“Allison?” He said absently.

“Peter.” I began slowly. It was time to tell him everything. “Allison and I are lovers.”

“When?” He asked suspiciously.

“Thanksgiving.” I answered honestly.

His voice dropped. “Jesus Stephanie.” His voice was strained. “How can you be so cruel? Letting her watch as I was proposing? Well that explains why she drove off.”

“What!” I said quickly as I raced out onto the porch. It was true her car was gone. “What have I done?” Peter joined me out on the porch. I turned to him. He put his hand up and stopped me. “I don’t want to talk to you.” He said firmly and the walked off without looking back.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

After I raced upstairs I discovered that Allison was indeed gone. She left without a word or a note. I paced back and forth trying wringing my hands wondering what I should do? I had nowhere to go my apartment was empty since Allison’s replacement agreed to sublet it. I assumed that Allison went to her parents. I hoped that is what she did I was fearful of the thought of her just driving around with the idiots who were out there celebrating the holiday and possibly drinking and driving. I could call her parents but if she wasn’t there I did not want to worry them. I needed to talk to her to see her. I needed to make things right between us. The most important person in my life just walked away and I had been the cause.

Exhausted I went into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed in tears. I lost track of time as I wept somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that the sun had set and I should think about finding Allison. I could try her cell phone but chances since it was Christmas Eve she had never turned it on. I jumped when I heard the living room door close. I sprung off of the bed and raced into the living room. “Allison?” I called out. I was startled as the lights went on and I found Nicole standing in the living room. “Hate to disappoint you.” Nicole smiled. “But it’s the younger cuter version.” She added with a wink and looked for a place to extinguish the cigarette she had been smoking.

Without a word she went into the kitchen to retrieve an ashtray. Unceremoniously she plopped down onto the sofa and lit another cigarette. “Did you know I got my driver’s license back?” She said nonchalantly as she blew smoke rings. “In my sister’s infinite wisdom she let me take her precious car out for a spin. Actually she sent me out to score her some cigarettes. Which I gladly agreed to do since I’m out as well.”

I looked at her suspiciously as she extinguished her smoke. “You drove all the way here from Chestnut Hill in holiday traffic?” I asked in bewilderment. “Where does she think you went for cigarettes Bangladesh?”

“I haven’t a clue.” She shrugged. “But I shut her cell phone of so she couldn’t track me down.”

“I thought you were out of cigarettes?” I pointed to the pack that she had placed on the coffee table.

“I must have forgotten about them.” Nicole replied with a smirk. Then her face grew serious. “She’s pretty upset.”

“So you came here to break my legs.” I sniffed thinking that I had hurt Allison.

“No.” Nicole answered softly. “I told you before that I would send Tia Maria for that. But since she is out of town at the moment, I guess I will have to grant you a reprieve.”

She gave me a moment to collect my thoughts as I fought back the tears. “Stephanie.” She offered finally. “Did you know that I have been married five times?” I just stared at her in disbelief. “It’s true.” She confirmed. “Not once did I make it to my first anniversary. One of the things I learned from those experiences is that it only takes one time of not thinking before you speak to end a relationship. You and Allison have not done that. Yet.”

“It’s my fault.” I began to sob the tears finally breaking through.

“She blames herself.” Nicole informed me as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around me. I just stared at her as she released me. “For running for not staying and talking things out.” Nicole explained. “By the look on your face I can see that you feel the same.” I just nodded in response as she wiped the tears from my face. “Get your coat.” She commanded as she gave me a gentle push. “Go on get your coat. I think that Ally needs to talk to you more than she needs to smoke.”

I followed Nicole’s instructions and we were on our way to Chestnut Hill. We talked on the long drive down to Newton. I was terrified. What would I say to Allison? Nicole just told me to calm down and speak from my heart. By the time we pulled into the Kendell’s driveway my heart was racing. As we stepped onto the front porch Allison stormed out. “Nikki where the hell have you been?” She began to shout and her face dropped when she saw me. Before I knew what was happening we were in each other’s arms. We were both sobbing and saying that we were sorry.

“I should have stayed.” Allison choked out. “I just felt like I was having a bad flashback.”

“No you were right.” I sobbed. “I should have told him.”

“No.” Allison comforted me as she pulled me closer. “You know him better than I do. I was just scared when I found out.”

“No Allison.” I leaned into her warm embrace. “You were right. I told him everything about me and about us.”

“That must have been awful.” Allison said softly as her hand moved to my cheek and wiped away my tears.

“Well he hates me.” I sniffed as I leaned into her hand. “But it’s over. No more hiding the truth. I was so afraid that I had lost you. I never want to feel like that again.”

“Never.” She answered me firmly as she lifted my face to hers and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. “Now let’s go inside it is freezing out here.” She draped her arm around my shoulder and began to lead me into the house. “Wait.” Allison stopped suddenly. “I brought in the presents but I left our bags in the car. I wasn’t sure that I was going to stay. ” She explained.

“I will get them.” I volunteered. “Nicole didn’t lock the car. Speaking of Nicole where is she?” We both looked around to find ourselves quite alone. We heard laughter coming from inside of the house and realized that Nicole had thoughtfully gone inside. “Go inside Darling, I will get the bags. Go on in it will give me a moment to fix my face.” I prodded her. Allison bent down and kissed me once again and then retreated happily back into the house.

I made my way carefully through the snow back to the car. As I opened the back hatch my breathing hitched as I spotted a dark figure hiding in the bushes. I was frozen with fear as the young man shifted to conceal his presence. I swallowed hard and took a protective stance placing my feet in the proper position for balance as I slowly raised my arms into combat position with my right fist facing down and my left facing up. He must have noticed my reaction and began to approach me. There was something hauntingly familiar about him. “Stephanie?” Allison called to me from the porch.

The young man’s blue eyes widen in fear at the sound of Allison’s voice. He turned and bolted across the icy front lawn. “Oh my God!” Allison gasped as she jumped the railing of the front porch and ran after him. She caught up with him by a large oak tree. They struggled briefly as she held onto him tightly. “Wait.” I could barely hear her pleading with him.

As they were struggling Nicole appeared on the porch. “What is going on?” She asked in confusion. I turned to her and finally let my body relax out of its defensive mode. “There was a man hiding in the bushes.” I explained as I pointed over to Allison and the man. Nicole’s face dropped as she too hopped over the railing of the porch and raced over to the scene unfolding under the oak tree. I followed after Nicole as quickly as I could. Nicole reached her sister and pulled her gently away from the young man. Nicole reached out her hand to him. He pushed her away and stepped back but made no attempt to run. He just stood there and they backed away giving him his space. I stopped suddenly as I approached them. Seeing the three of them together I knew instantly who he was. “Don’t run they want to see you.” Allison pleaded softly. He began to sob and his sisters approached him carefully. Slowly they wrapped their arms around him and just held him.

I walked back to car to allow the three of them some privacy. I retrieved our bags from the car and headed into the house. Walking into the Kendell home unannounced somehow seemed perfectly natural to me. “Well there you are.” Jefferson greeted me with a big hug as I set the bags down. Pauline followed hugging me tightly and wishing me a Merry Christmas. “Gaia said that I needed to set a place for you at the table. But she also told me to add one more.” Pauline explained. “I guess she finally got one wrong.”

“Perhaps not.” I answered quietly as I cast a glance over at Gaia who just sat by the fireplace smoking her pipe. “You should come with me.” I offered to the Kendell’s.

“Are those girls having a snow ball fight?” Jefferson chuckled. “Well not without me they don’t.”

“I think you both should come outside.” I said carefully. They looked at me with confusion as I led them outside into the cold winter air. They stared out into the night looking for some explanation. I watched their faces change as the image of their three children approached the house.

“David?” Pauline sobbed quietly bringing her hands to her face as her husband pulled her closely to him.

The three siblings stopped at the bottom steps with Allison on one side of her brother and Nicole on the other. The three of them were a sight to behold. Each with jet black hair and finely chiseled features and broad shoulders. I found it slightly amusing that Nicole who stood a good five inches taller than me was the shortest of the trio. Another strange thought popped into my head at that moment. “Allison and I are going to have great looking kids.”. I found it odd that I should be thinking about that now since only an hour ago I was terrified that I had lost her. Maybe it was the holiday or perhaps it was the sight of the Kendell children in glow in the moonlight set against the snow-covered background. That or the fact that no one in this family was the least bit unattractive.

Allison and Nicole stepped back slightly as their brother hesitantly stepped onto the porch and approached his parents. Jefferson and Pauline wept as they wrapped their arms around their son’s body. I smiled at the sight of Nicole and Allison holding onto one another. His parents led David into the house. Nicole and Allison followed putting their arms around me as well as we entered the house.

David’s parents had yet to release him from their arms. Nicole simply watched the scene with tears in her eyes. I removed my coat and hung it in the hallway. I took my place by Allison’s side and wrapped my arm around her waist as we stepped into the family room followed by the rest of the family. I walked over to fire with Allison to warm myself. I looked down at Gaia who was still puffing away on her pipe and rocking her rocking chair gently. “You are beginning to scare me.” I said to her with a smile. She just smiled back and continued with her rocking. “How did you know?” I asked her.

“Listen to the earth and it will speak to you.” She answered flatly. “Follow the wind and it will guide you.”

Then she went on rocking without further explanation. “What the hell does that mean?” I whispered to Allison.

“I have no idea.” Allison shrugged. “She has been saying that for as long as I can remember.”

“Finally the entire family is together.” Pauline beamed wiping the tears from her face as she held her son closely to her.

“Not yet.” Gaia smiled knowingly. “Not everyone has arrived. There will be many more to join the family. After I have gone on my way the first two will come. Window shopping can prove to be very inspiring.” She winked at Allison and myself and then went on with her rocking.

“Something you want to tell us?” Nicole teased her sister with a playful nudge.

“No.” Allison shot back firmly. “I don’t think I really need to explain the improbability of that to you Doctor.”

“Oh that’s not what you claimed in the ER last month.” Nicole laughed.

“What’s this?” Jefferson asked.

“When Ally was being treated for food poisoning she boldly announced to myself and everyone else in the room that she could too get Stephanie pregnant and then she threw up on my bosses’ shoes.” Nicole explained as the room erupted into laughter as Allison buried her face in my shoulder. I patted her gently as I laughed along with the rest of the family.

Gaia’s predictions aside the family settled in. David seemed timid at first and everyone approached him carefully. I stayed away since he seemed so overwhelmed by being here. I could wait to get to know him. The family gathered around the Christmas tree and began to sing carols. They were a gifted group vocally but recalling the exact words seemed to a problem. No one cared we just sang out and enjoyed the fire and the tree. Allison and I were seated on the floor next to the fireplace. I sat in front of her as she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her. The tree was gorgeous trimmed with antique ornaments and simple white lights. In the middle of Deck the Halls, David began to sob. The singing ceased immediately. “Don’t stop.” He smiled as he wiped his eyes. “I’m just happy to home at last. You have no idea what it is like seeing all of you again. I was watching from the window afraid to come in. The people at the church had me believing that I was no longer welcomed here. Being here with all of you I can finally see clearly how they deceived me.”

“It’s good to have you home little brother.” Allison said gently.

“It’s good to be home.” He sighed heavily. “Everything is the same. Well almost Nikki you are sober. No drink in your hand and you seem so happy and full of life.”

“Clean and sober for over five years.” Nicole offered proudly.

“I’m proud of you Nikki.” David said with a smile and then turned his attention towards Allison and myself. “And you Tigger no cigarettes.” I could feel my lover hold me tighter when her brother called her by that name. “I can see that you may have found something better.” He smiled at me as I blushed.

“Time for the formal introduction.” Allison pulled me closer. “Stephanie Grant I would like you to meet my brother David Kendell.” Allison offered warmly.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” I smiled up at David.

“The same here Stephanie.” David blushed. “How long have the two of you been together?” He asked with a genuine interest.

“Not long.” Allison answered for us. “Thanksgiving weekend was when we first …” Allison stopped hesitantly as the family erupted in laughter at her revelation. Allison buried her head in my neck as she whispered, “Kill me now.”

“Moi cheri.” Pauline laughed. “It’s not like this is news to us.”

“Yeah the two of you aren’t exactly quiet.” Nicole added. There was a collective groan from the rest of the family as I buried my face in my hands. “What?” Nicole teased.

“Too much information dear.” Pauline chastised her youngest child.

“So how did the two of you meet?” David offered changing the subject quickly.

“We work together.” Allison answered thankful for the diversion.

“Oh so you are a lawyer as well?” David asked.

I could feel my lover stiffen slightly behind me as I realized that David had been gone for a very long time. “David.” Allison began slowly. “I’m not a lawyer any longer. I quit years ago.” Allison explained. “I’m a history professor at Haven University. It is what makes me happy.”

David’s shoulders slumped sadly. “I feel as if my life has been going on without me.” His sorrow evident in his voice.

“You are home now son.” Jefferson said tenderly. “You are home aren’t you?” I could see the nervousness plainly written across Jefferson’s normally stoic features.

“Yes.” David reassured his father. “Yes Dad I’m home.” He straightened his body and looked around the room with a misty blue gaze. “I’m home.” He repeated confidently. “I’m not going to lie and tell you that this is going to easy. But I want my life back. I want my family back! My real family not those liars at the church.”

A tearful round of hugs followed David’s comments. “Speaking of being home where am I going to sleep?” He laughed.

“I’ll get a fire going in your room right now son.” Jefferson offered.

“Wait.” David held his hand up and everyone held a nervous breath. “There is something else I need to feel like I’ve truly come home.” He looked towards Allison and smiled and then cast a glance towards his father. Jefferson nodded his understanding and left the room without a word as the rest of the family settled in comfortably around the fire. Jefferson returned with a withered book and handed to Allison and then took a seat next to his wife. With the family gathered around Allison she opened the book and without looking at the words began to read. “Twas the night before Christmas …”

I was impressed by my lover’s narration of the familiar holiday classic. She never missed a word through out the entire telling of the story. I also quickly figured out by the tear stained faces that surrounded me that this holiday tradition had not been observed since David’s departure. I finally felt like a part of a real family and I knew then just how much I belonged with them. It was if they needed me as much as I needed them. After Allison finished reading Jefferson and David went upstairs to prepare a fire in his room. The rest of the family made their way into the kitchen to finish dinner preparations. I stood to join them when I felt Allison’s firm grasp pulling me back down. “We’ll join them in a second I need to hold you for a moment.” Allison offered softly as she pulled me back down towards her.

I snuggled against Allison’s body enjoying the warmth she offered me. “He’s home.” She sighed deeply as I pulled her closer to me. “A few hours ago things seemed so bleak. I was afraid that I had lost you and …”

“Ssh.” I whispered as I held her tightly.

“Thank you.” She said as she kissed the top of my head. “You have no idea how much you’re being here for this means to me. The family is all together finally and I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am that you are now a part of the family.” My breathing quicken at the implication that she had offered. “You are Stephanie.” She reassured me. “I know that you never had a real family but you do now. I want to thank you for not giving up on us. I have never loved anyone as deeply as I love you. It is like I spent my entire life looking for you. Does that make any sense?”

“Yes.” I answered firmly. “I feel like I’ve come home. All of this is a bit overwhelming at times but I know I belong with you.”

“You do and don’t you ever think about leaving me.” Allison held me tightly. “Besides if we ever broke up I think my family would go ballistic. I’m glad that I can give you this after what you went through with your own parents. I can’t even imagine the pain and confusion you had to endure.”

I reached up and pulled her closer to me and kissed her gently. I certainly hadn’t intended to start anything in the middle of her family’s house but I lost all sense of reason as I felt her tongue teasing my bottom lip. I parted my lips as Allison quickly accepted my invitation. My breathing grew ragged as she explored my mouth my hand began to caress her breast. “Ah hem!” I heard from the entryway. I looked up startled to find Jefferson waving a cautioning finger in our direction.

“Hey Pops.” Allison chuckled as we quickly jumped to our feet. Jefferson simply flashed us a knowing smirk and left the room.

Allison and I quickly retreated to join the rest of the family in the kitchen. After dinner everyone shared in the clean up and then everyone with the exception of Gaia who had been put to bed found themselves enjoying a snowball fight out on the front lawn. In between activities Allison and I stole kisses under the mistletoe. In many ways I felt as if I had entered a dream world. When the clock struck midnight Jefferson and Pauline sent everyone off to bed. Although David and Nicole protested Allison and I did not. As Allison and I climbed the staircase I caught a glimpse of Jefferson and Pauline necking under the mistletoe. It warmed my heart to be surrounded by so much love.

As we entered our bedroom my eyes never left Allison as she stoked the fire and pulled down the bedding. The sight of her warmed me to depths of my soul. I knew what I wanted for Christmas and she was standing right in front of me. I approached her slowly as a playful smile crept across my lips. She took me into her arms and we exchanged a tender kiss. I watched the firelight dance in passion filled eyes. Slowly Allison began to undress me. She caressed my body as she removed each article of clothing. “Opening our presents a little early.” I teased her in a sultry tone.

“All I want for Christmas is to wake up next to you.” Allison whispered hotly in my ear.

“You do know how to say just the right thing.” I moaned as she began to nibble on my neck.

Allison took me by the hand and led me over to the bed and began to remove my remaining clothing. When she had completed her task she lowered me onto the bed. She smiled down at me her brilliant blue eyes taking in all I had to offer. “I love you.” She said softly as she slowly began to remove her own clothing. I waited with eager anticipation as she slowly revealed herself to me. Finally she lowered her naked body to mine. She shifted slightly so not put her full weight on me. I would have none of that I needed to feel her skin against my own. She kissed me and my lips parted inviting her in. The way our bodies seemed to fit together excited me. My body trembled slightly as our wetness touched. She kissed my harder her mouth urging me for more. I could feel her hands sliding gently beneath my breasts. The sensation of her touch was sending a tingle down my spine. Slowly her hands cupped both of my breasts. My nipples became erect from her touch.

I was unable to control myself any longer. I had to touch her, to feel her. My hand driven purely on instinct found it’s way to her. I opened my finger into a v shape as I massaged her wet lips. I felt her body shift slightly above me as her fingers began to tease my wetness. Our moans filled the night as our bodies began begging for more. The teasing was over as our fingers dipped into one another’s passion. We groaned and gasped as our bodies arched against the other’s hand. I knew by the way she titled her head up and arched her neck that she was close. Our rhythm grew faster as our bodies demanded more. Allison looked deeply into my eyes with a wild expression. I knew what she was waiting for. She was waiting for me. She would not need to wait much longer. Our voices cried out in unidentifiable tones. I embraced her body as we exploded. We laid there clutching onto one another, panting heavily still inside the other as the last waves of passion passed through us. Later I curled up into her arms as she pulled the bed covers over us. We held each other tightly as we both drifted off to sleep.

I was awaken by the sound of a gentle tapping on the bedroom door. I looked over with bleary eyes at the clock on the nightstand. It was just after seven in the morning. Allison rubbed her eyes sleepily. She looked over at the clock and groaned. Then suddenly she smiled brightly and climbed out of bed. I felt a chill as my lover’s body left the comfort of our bed. Allison quickly gathered some clothing. Tossing on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt she then tossed similar items to me. I just looked at her like she had lost her mind. Not the first time she has seen this expression on my face. She just continued to grin like an idiot as I grudgingly put on the clothing she had offered me.

The tapping on the bedroom door continued as Allison climbed back into bed and snuggled up to me. “Come in.” Her voice creaked. The door flew open as Nicole and David scampered in like children and jumped up onto the bed. “Santa came.” They chanted repeatedly as Allison simply laughed at their antics. “Come on sleepy heads time to get up.” Nicole demanded as she tickled her sister.

“Stop it.” Allison laughed as she tried to swat away her sister’s hands.

“Hey I’m the baby.” Nicole pouted.

“Suck it up.” I teased Nicole as she rolled off her sister.

“I’m sorry Ally it was my idea.” David admitted sheepishly. “I just had to. I wanted this small part of the past.”

“It’s okay.” Allison answered with a smile. “At least you knocked not like when we were kids.”

“When we were kids you didn’t have a girl in your room.” Nicole pointed out.

“Unlike some people.” Allison laughed as Nicole wiggled her eyes suggestively.

“There are no secrets in this family.” I noted.

“Nah.” Nicole scowled. “Where’s the fun in that? Now come on we have muffins to bake.”

Allison sent her siblings off she we could wash up. I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of flannel lounge pants and one of Allison’s tshirts. “So you caught Nicole with a girl?” I asked as I brushed my hair I stopped suddenly noticing a tell tale bruise on my neck. I swatted Allison and pointed to it. She just smiled proudly. “When she was a teenager there was much I didn’t catch Nicole with in her room.” Allison explained. “Boys, booze, girls she was a handful. She drove my parents crazy. She never really seemed happy then. Now all she does is work and she is the happiest I’ve seen her in years.”

“Hmm.” I sighed thoughtfully. “I never did anything wrong I didn’t want to upset my Grandmother. Except for one time.” I blushed at the memory.

“What?” Allison inquired with a playful nudge.

“She walked in while I was you know.”

“Tell me.” Allison purred hotly into my ear.

“I was touching myself.” I admitted with a blush. “She just walked out of the room and we never talked about it.”

“Why not?” Allison questioned in puzzlement. “I mean it’s only natural. Oh course when Mom sat me down to talk about it I thought I would die of embarrassment.”

“My Grandmother didn’t discuss such things.” I pointed out. “After that I was just too embarrassed to do it alone. I was always afraid that she would walk in again.”

“What do you mean alone?” Allison licked her lips suggestively.

“I had a friend.” I blushed. “I told you about this.” I sighed wanting to change the subject.

“Oh right Gigi.” Allison nodded. “So when do I get a show?” Allison whispered hotly in my ear as my knees began to buckle.

I pushed her away gently as her hands began to roam up under my shirt. “Cool off Pal.” I warned her. “Your family is waiting on us.” I held up my hairbrush in a threatening manner.

“All right.” She grumbled as we exited the bathroom. Feeling playful I pulled her aside before we could depart from the bedroom. “But if you are a good girl today I could arrange a private performance tonight.” I suggested seductively in her ear and then I licked her neck. I felt her shiver from my touch as she squeaked in response.

Allison and I arrived in the kitchen and began preparing the muffins. Nicole made a pot of coffee while Allison and David each prepared a bowl of batter. “What can I do?” I offered watching the three of them working in unison. “Grease the muffin tins.” Nicole suggested. “Everything is on the table I’ll get Gaia.” Nicole bounced off while I began greasing the muffin pans Gaia and Nicole entered the kitchen. We began to spoon the batter into the tins I had prepared as Gaia lit the oven. David had prepared chocolate chip muffins. While Allison had prepared a batch of blueberry. The blueberries I had been informed had been hand picked from the bushes on the property. Once the tins had all been filled we handed them off to Gaia who placed them into the oven. There were six trays in all.

I was amazed at the quantity but I was quickly informed that many people would be stopping by to extend holiday greetings. It occurred to me that this tradition of baking the muffins together probably started when the Kendell children were very little. Gaia would have been there to handle the actual baking. When the clean up of the kitchen had been completed the sweet aroma of coffee and fresh baked muffins filled the air. All of us settled around the kitchen table and peacefully drank our coffee. I learned that this part of the tradition led all three of the Kendell offspring to an early addiction to caffeine. I was surprised that the Christmas morning baking tradition had for some reason ceased as the siblings grew older and their own lives led them in different directions. This was the first time in many years that they had shared this part of their past and I felt honored that I had been included.

As the morning passed their parents awoke and joined us. Then we all gathered around the tree and exchanged gifts. There were even gifts for David that had been set aside over the years in hopes that he would return. No one in the family failed to remember me in the celebration. It was clear that I was accepted as a part of the family. Through out the day many people dropped in to wish the Kendell clan happy holidays. I was amazed by the diversity of the Kendell’s friends. They differed not only in ethnic diversity but in their social standings as well. I grew up in New Haven where almost everyone was white. I stood out because I came from the working class. I can still remember how it broke my Grandmother’s heart when she was forced to accept food stamps. Another thing that impressed me with the Kendell’s was that many of the gifts lacked materialistic value many were hand made or simply a donations to someone’s favorite charity. As people came and went David very often shied away. When old lady Kendell made her appearance he disappeared completely. I watched in amusement as the family made their wagers at what insensitive comment the old woman would utter next.

The next few days continued to be magical. The days were filled with family activities and the nights were filled with Allison. One night we went for a walk around the grounds. As we walked I played with the necklace Allison had given me on Christmas morning. It was a single black pearl on a silver chain. Just above the pearl was a single one-caret diamond. I loved it more than any other gift I had ever received. We walked in silence hand in hand and breathed in the cold night air. I was silently dreading the holidays coming to an end. The New Year would mean Allison would soon be off to California.

On New Years Eve the Kendell’s hosted a party. There were so many people and I stayed close to Nicole and David while Allison was getting ready. It was slightly formal and I was pleased with my simple black velvet dress. The only jewelry I wore was the necklace Allison had given me. I felt a shiver and turned suddenly to see Allison descending the staircase. My breathing stopped as I cast a fiery gazed over the body of my lover dressed in a red silk gown that was cut perfectly to fit her gorgeous body. Her raven hair was braided in the back, which served to highlight her chiseled features, and I thought I would begin to drool when I noticed that her broad shoulders and magnificent back were exposed.

“Breath stupid.” Nicole whispered to me as she gave me a playful nudge.

I choked as I finally allowed the air to enter my lungs. Allison approached me and bent down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “You look incredibly beautiful.” She purred into my ear. “Happy New Year.” She added and began to pull away. I clasped her head and drew her back down to face me and then with all of the strength I could muster I growled. “I want you now.” Nicole choked on her beverage at my bravado. I scanned the room quickly and was relieved that only my lover and her sister seemed to have heard my comment.

Allison was blushing at my comment and squeezed my hand tightly as she whispered, “Later.”. I spent the rest of the evening trying to capture her under the mistletoe. Some of the guest were disappointed that no alcohol would be served during the evening but the majority did not seem to care. I was thankful for two years in college I tended bar for extra money. New Years Eve is known in the business as amateur night. For the first time in my life I watched midnight approach without witnessing a single drunken occurrence. Allison and I shared a kiss at midnight, which soon proved to be over powering. Quickly we disappeared without saying our goodnights to anyone. Once safely locked in our room we began our own celebration.

The following day we stayed in bed longer than we should have. After finally dragging ourselves out of each other’s embrace and out of bed we quickly showered and packed the car. We returned to the house and said goodbye to the family. Gaia stopped us on our way out. I adored Gaia but she was beginning to creep me out. She handed Allison a present. “It is for both of you.” Gaia explained. “And it is for neither of you.”

“Gaia someday you are just going to say what you mean.” Allison laughed as she opened the package. I looked on to see what the gift was. Inside the box lay two beautiful circles adorned with beads and feathers.

“What are they?” I asked.

“Dream catchers.” Allison said mystified. The family seemed stunned as they asked to see them. Then they just stared at Allison and myself with a wide-eyed expression. Their reaction was odd to say the least.

“Gaia you made these?” Allison questioned the elderly woman. Gaia just nodded her head. “How do you think that this is going to happen?” Allison asked her in confusion.

“Window shopping.” Was all Gaia offered as an explanation.

“Uh huh.” Allison just stared at her then shook her head in amusement. “Thank you they are beautiful.”

When we returned home I unpacked as Allison put on a pot of coffee and then went across the street to check on Mrs. Giavanni. I started the laundry once everything with exception of Gaia’s gift had been put away. I simply left that on the coffee table wondering what they were. Allison returned and I asked after Mrs. Giavanni. Allison informed me that she was well and sent her regards.

“What should we do with this?” I asked as I motioned towards Gaia’s gift. “They are very beautiful. What exactly is a dream catcher? I know I have seen them at the mall but I never quite understood what they were.”

“The mall.” Allison sneered. “Yes those were probably made in Taiwan.” Allison scoffed. “A dream catcher is Native American Tradition. It is hung above your bed and it catches your dreams, allowing only the good ones to pass through and keeping the bad ones.”

“How sweet.” I said with a smile and I began to wonder why the family had reacted so oddly to them. “If there is two of them does Gaia think we sleep apart?” I question hoping that would explain her odd reaction.

“I doubt it.” Allison chuckled lightly. “That woman knew that David was coming home on Christmas Eve. I’m positive she knows that we are sleeping together. These are not for us.”

I stared at her blankly as she ran her fingers over the delicate weavings. “Gaia made my Mother’s and mine as well ones for David and Nicole. It is a tradition … Gaia’s way of announcing a new arrival to the family. Sometimes before the parents even know that a little one is on the way. My Mother still has my dream catcher hanging in her office. “From what I understand when she gave my parents my dream catcher it was a little upsetting. They had only recently become engaged, I was a little early.”

“Okay now I am even more confused.” I mumbled at the implication of Gaia’s gift as I left the room to retrieve some coffee for the both of us.

I returned to the living room to find Allison studying the gift careful. I handed her a cup of coffee and settled in next to her. She took a long sip of the brew and set her cup down and then set down my mug as well. “Okay let me see if I can explain this.” She offered tenderly. “Now let me see if I can remember this.” She said as she held up the dream catchers. “It is a little difficult because Gaia herself is missing a lot of her traditions. At the time she was born the Catholics were converting her people. So a great deal of the folklore was passed on in secret. Similar to slaves on plantations. If I am reading these correctly then they are for children.”

“Excuse me?” My eyes widen as she finally said what I had suspected since this conversation began.

“One for a boy and the other is for a girl.” Allison explained as she pointed to the beadwork. “But they are mirrors.”

“Twins?” I said with a smile.

“Apparently.” Allison responded as she shook her head in dismay.

“So this is Gaia’s way of telling us that we are going to be parents.” I smiled at the thought. “I think it is a little early in our relationship to be talking about this.” I offered. “And it is not like it is going to happen by accident despite your boasting in the emergency room.”

“You’re right.” Allison agreed and put Gaia’s gift in the bedroom closet.

We let the conversation go for now and then we focused on what little time we had left together. For the next few days we rarely left the bedroom. We made love continuously until it was time for me to drive Allison to Logan Airport. She waited until the final boarding call for her flight to California before leaving my side. She kissed with such passion I thought my already unsteady legs would give out entirely. As she made her way to the gate I noticed the shocked expressions on some people’s faces and I didn’t care. I wanted the world to know that I loved this woman. “Get over it.” I snapped at one woman who seemed overly horrified.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Allison’s absence proved to be both painful and interesting. She called me the moment she landed and we each expressed how we were already missing the other. I knew deep in my heart that we would not only survive this but we would also become closer because of it. We spoke to each other two or three times a day and thanks to modern technology we also exchanged some rather intimate emails. The day prior to the start of the new semester I was greeted with another surprise. One that I was quite unprepared for. I had been working on the finishing touches to the first draft of our manuscript when suddenly a loud crash from downstairs alarmed me. I raced out the door and down the staircase to my old apartment. Just inside the doorway I found a petite red head picking up the shattered remains of something as she cursed loudly. The new tenant had arrived with a bang.

“Need a hand?” I offered as I approached her. She looked up as her piercing green eyes stared back and I gasped in recognition.

“Stephanie?” She responded with equal surprise.

“Caroline?” I gasped.

Caroline Jennings was the woman who would be subletting my apartment. This was more than a little bit of a surprise. This had the potential of becoming a full-fledged disaster. Caroline and I had met at Yale and became very close. In fact one night we became a little too close. It was one of my nights of drunken experimentation. The memory came flooding back to me. That night in her dorm room with our bodies wrapped together in passion as we kissed. If there was a God Caroline would develop total amnesia right on the spot and forget about that night. Forget how I ran away and never spoke to her again.

“What a surprise.” Caroline offered with a smile. “You don’t by any chance have a broom do you?” Caroline asked quickly easing the tension between us.

“There is one in the closet over there.” I explained as I released a sigh of relief. I rushed over to the tiny closet off of the kitchen and quickly retrieved the broom and dustpan. “I’ll get this while you unload your stuff when I’m finished I can give you a hand.” I offered cheerfully.

“Thanks.” Caroline agreed and left me alone I quickly swept up the broken glass and deposited the remains into the trash. I replaced the broom and dustpan and then joined Caroline outside as she began to unload the UHaul. We didn’t really speak much as we carefully unloaded her belongings. There was more than I had expected and I began to wonder how long Caroline planned on staying. The only real exchange of dialogue occurred as we brought in her futon. Even then the chatter was limited to which would be the best way to maneuver the piece of furniture into the apartment.

Once everything was unloaded I began to help her unpack. “You seem to know this place pretty well. Do you live in the building?” She asked.

“You could say that.” I laughed slightly. “This is or this was my apartment.” I explained not really certain that I would ever be moving back down here.

“Oh?” She responded in a curious tone.

“I’m taking care of Allison’s I mean Professor Kendell’s place while she is away.” I explained as a faint blush crept across my cheeks.

“I see.” She responded slyly. “Tell me is there any chance Professor Kendell will choose to stay in California?”

“No.” I answered with a slight harshness.

“Too bad.” She sighed. “I was hoping to be picked up by Haven full time. Positions are becoming harder to find these days.”

“I know.” I answered slightly more relaxed. “I just joined the staff last fall.”

“Ah so you were the one who beat me out of the position.”

“Sorry.” I apologized.

We engaged in more chitchat while we unpacked her boxes. I offered to follow her so I could drive her back after she returned the van. After this was done I drove her back to the house. “You must allow me to thank you for all you have done for me today.” She offered politely. “Let me take you to dinner and we can catch up on everything.”

Her offer seemed innocent enough and she seemed to lack any animosity towards me so I agreed. It felt nice to be able to mend some fences from my past. We agreed on getting take out from the Chinese restaurant. As we were sitting on the futon in what was now her apartment eating Kung Pao Chicken, Caroline filled me in on what she had been up to since Yale. It seemed to me that Caroline moved around a great deal. “How is Peter?” She asked suddenly bringing the conversation to a halt. I knew why she was asking, it hadn’t taken me very long to figure out that Caroline was gay. This gaydar stuff really works.

“At the moment he hates me.” I answered slowly. “We broke up a few months ago and it didn’t end very well.”

“Really?” She cooed. “After all of this time? I know that the two of you had been friends for a long time I wasn’t surprised when I heard the two of you became an item. What happened?” She began caress my thigh as she spoke. I pulled away slightly not wanting to hurt her again as I had done years ago.

“I came out.” I answered her directly.

“Well it’s about time.” She applauded as she inched slightly closer to me. “You know I was very hurt by you.”

“I’m sorry about that.” I said softly. “I didn’t understand myself back then.”

“It happens.” She answered with a shrug. “Does this mean that you are out and about?” She asked seductively as she leaned in closer to my body. As she dipped her head slightly I knew that she planned on kissing me and I pulled away quickly.

I was surprised by her action. Nothing that had transpired during the afternoon was least bit romantic in nature. “No.” I said firmly holding up my hands in protest. “I’m very involved.” I stated firmly.

“I won’t tell if you won’t.” Caroline teased as my eyes widen in disbelief. “Hey I’m just kidding.” She laughed slightly. “So tell me about her?” I relaxed only slightly.

“Actually my lover is Allison Kendell.” I stated proudly.

“But she is in California?” Caroline pried.

“Don’t remind me.” I groaned. There was something about Caroline’s demeanor that was making me more and more uncomfortable. “What you? Anyone special in your life?”

“No.” She laughed heartily.

After claiming exhaustion I made my excuses and left Caroline’s apartment. Time seemed to pass slowly without Allison. Even though we spoke to one another every day I missed her more than I thought possible. Watching Caroline settle into Allison’s side of the office at the University made me uncomfortable. But these days there was very little about Caroline that didn’t make my uneasy. She had changed a great deal since our days at Yale. There was a definite coldness to her once vibrant personality. I knew that she was working very hard to secure a more permanent position at Haven. She wanted Allison’s job and she seemed to want something else that definitely belong to Allison as well. The woman would not stop flirting with me no matter how many times I pointed out that I was not interested.

Granted Caroline was an attractive woman and perhaps if I hadn’t been such a coward all of those years ago something would have happened. But now things were decidedly different looking past Caroline’s physical attributes there was absolutely nothing about her now that interested me in the least. There was something about her personality that was a definite turn off. Even if Allison was not in my life I still wouldn’t accept Caroline’s offers. Then there was something else that troubled me about Caroline on more than one occasion I noticed her flirting with some of her female students. It may be archaic but Haven had strict rules against the faculty having personal relationships with the students. The rules had been in existence prior to the enactment of sexual harassment laws. The penalty for violating the rule ran both ways. This in theory would protect a member of the faculty from false accusations. The only exceptions to the rule is if there had been a prior relationship. This clause existed so that spouses of faculty members could take classes if they wanted to. But they were still unable to enroll in courses taught by their significant other. I know that it was an outdated concept in many ways. But I also agreed with the policy to a certain extent. After spending most of my adult life studying and working in a college environment I witnessed many a young woman seduced by a male (usually married) professor. These relationships almost always ended badly.

I decided that I would talk to Caroline regarding this matter. I had to give her the benefit of the doubt since as far as I knew she had yet to cross the line. In the mean time I buried myself in work. With the marvels of modern technology Allison and I were able to complete the first draft. My publisher was more than pleased with the results. There were some changes and data that needed to be checked. Other than that we could look forward to a release date in the fall or perhaps early winter.

Late on one Saturday afternoon I was on the telephone with Allison working on some of the revisions our editor had requested. “That should do it.” I said in exhaustion. “I will email these out on Monday.”

“I miss you.” Allison softly.

“I miss you too.” I responded with a pout.

“What are you wearing?” She inquired in a mischievous tone.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” I teased my lover. Just as I was about to spin a yarn about a fictional sexy outfit when there was a knock on the door. “Damn there’s someone at the door.” I sighed.

“I’ll let you go.” Allison offered in a dejected tone.

“No.” I whined in protest. “I want to finish this conversation. I’ll get rid of whoever it is and then I’m going to go into great detail and describe to you what I am wearing.” I heard a very pleased murmur coming from the other end of the telephone. I went downstairs and through the living room. Cordless telephones yet another great invention. I opened the door and found Chris standing in the doorway with an annoyed look on her face. “Well nuts.” I groaned deciding that my lover’s ex-girlfriend was a definite mood killer.

“Hello to you too.” Chris snorted and entered the apartment without invitation.

“Who is it?” Allison inquired from the other side of the country.

“Avon lady.” I smirked as Chris laughed.

“Allison?” Chris inquired softly. I simply wiggled my eyebrows to confirm her suspicions.

“So what are you doing with the Avon Lady?” Allison asked slyly.

“She just about to show me her samples.” I teased as Chris ignored me and made her way into the kitchen.

“Uh huh?” Allison responded.

“Bring me a cup too.” I called out into the kitchen. “Allison?” I returned my attention back to my lover.

“I’m here baby.” Her sultry voice came through sending shivers down my spine. “Are you going to tell who was at the door?”

“its just Chris.” I explained as Chris offered me a cup of coffee.

“Thanks a lot.” Chris scoffed as she plopped down onto the sofa.

“What does she want?” Allison asked in a miffed tone of voice. “Never mind tell me about you. What are you wearing?” I could her breathing becoming ragged.

“I can’t.” I laughed uneasily.

“Sure you can …” Allison encouraged me. “Go into the bedroom … and …”

“Allison.” I cautioned her there was no way I was going to do what I knew she was suggesting.

“Baby.” Allison pleaded.

“Allison.” I repeated with a blush. Chris motioned for the phone. “Chris wants to talk to you.”

“Rats.” Allison grumbled.

I handed the telephone to Chris and sat down on the sofa and sipped my coffee. It wasn’t unusual for Chris to stop in. Lately she had been flying up a great deal on the weekends to visit Rita. Sometimes she would stop in to check up on me. It was nice that the two of us were getting along. I knew that there would always be a slight awkwardness in our relationship but that was to be expected since I was with her ex-lover. “Hey Ally …” Chris chimed cheerfully into the receiver. “Did you get my email? … I know … no I’ll tell her … I don’t know … me? I’m just checking out your girlfriend … she looks very hot today … such language! Did you learn that at Harvard? Seriously Ally how could you leave her behind? You know if I was any other kind of woman … Oh wait I am that kind of woman… . . Whoa! You eat with that mouth? … Calm down I’m in town to see Rita.”

I listened as they chatted for a while longer and then Chris offer her goodbyes and handed the telephone back to me. “Hey.” I said softly. “Hey yourself.” Allison purred. “I’m afraid that I’m going have to go.” She apologized. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I answered as my heart skipped a beat as we exchanged our good byes.

“I had forgotten what a great phone voice she has.” Chris sighed thoughtfully.

“You had to tease her.” I said as I poked the taller woman.

“I couldn’t resist.” Chris laughed. “Don’t worry she trusts you. And she knows that I wouldn’t try anything. Strange after all these years she finally trusts me. If I was her I would be more concerned about that hot little number who moved in downstairs. This is going to sound strange especially coming from me but I don’t trust her.”

“Get in line.” I agreed. “I think she is after Allison’s job.”

“Uh huh.” Chris offered knowingly. “I sent Allison an email this morning. A certain Assistant District Attorney in New York resigned his position unexpectently yesterday.”

“Simon Brenner?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“He had no choice.” Chris confirmed. “It was either resign or be brought up on charges for prosecutorial misconduct. The really big news is that her also left his wife. Jessica called at my office late last night screaming that I had ruined her marriage.”

“You ruined her marriage?”

“I must have.” Chris laughed slightly. “Lord knows it couldn’t have possibly be because of all of the those women she slept with.”

“Amazing.” Was I all I could say.

“Rita and I were wondering if you had any plans for next weekend?” Chris asked suddenly.

“Not that I can think of.” I responded without thinking. My only immediate thought was how much I enjoyed Chris referring to Rita as her partner. “Probably just the same old thing, why?”

“Would you like to join us for dinner on Friday?” Chris offered.

“Sure.” I shrugged and then it hit me. “Wait! That is Valentines Day. I would be a third wheel.” I protested.

“No.” Chris argued. “It’s just that we thought that you know with Allison away and all …”

“No Chris.” I protested.

Chris tried in vain to get me to agree but I stood firm. The following morning Rita called me. Rita proved to be far more stubborn than Chris. After an hour-long debate I finally caved in and agreed to join the pair for dinner on Friday. Deciding that I need some fresh air I went to check on Mrs. Giavanni. As I started down the staircase I spotted Cheryl Cooper leaving Caroline’s apartment. When Cheryl caught my eye she blushed furiously and ran off. I looked at my watch thinking, “This is not good.”. Cheryl was a history major and she was leaving Caroline’s apartment at nine o’clock on a Sunday morning. I needed to have a little chat with Caroline very soon. As I reached the bottom of the staircase I found Hal standing just around the corner. It was more than a little obvious that he too had seen Cheryl.

“This is not good Stephanie.” Was all he said.

“It doesn’t look that way.” I answered shyly. “I’ll have a talk with Caroline.”

“You need to report her to your department head.” Hal said adamantly.

“Well I don’t know anything for certain.” I lied knowing there could be no other explanation for this mornings events.

“It’s not the first time I have seen one of her students sneaking out of here first thing in the morning.” Hal explained. “It’s against University policy. I haven’t said anything yet but this does put the both of us in a very awkward position.”

“Let me talk to Caroline.” I offered. “Maybe there is a reasonable explanation.”

“Okay.” He conceded. “But if there isn’t and you don’t turn her in I will have to. These are kids were talking about Stephanie. The powers that be at Haven want them to focus on their education. For no other reason than that I agree with the policy. I just never thought I would have to turn someone in. I’ve never thought of myself as some kind of stoolie.”

“I know.” I agreed with a heavy sigh.

I checked on Mrs. Giavanni and found her trying to shovel her driveway. I immediately took the shovel away from her. I couldn’t understand why she need to clear the driveway since she didn’t drive. I shoveled her driveway and walkways and then I ran a few errands for her. After that I joined her for a cup of tea and filled her in on how Allison was doing. After two cups of tea I returned home. I stopped and knocked on Caroline’s door. As the door slowly opened I braced myself. “I was just thinking about you.” She cooed. “Come in.”

“I need to talk to you.” I explained as I entered my former apartment.

“Really?” She smiled slightly. “I’m intrigued.”

“I saw Cheryl Cooper leaving your apartment this morning.” I stated bluntly.

“And?” She responded coyly.

“You do know about the University’s policy don’t you?”

“Cheryl is an adult.” Caroline answered me in a dismissive manner.

“Caroline the University doesn’t allow any leeway in these matters.” I explained.

“Relax.” Caroline responded with a wave of her hand. “Nothing happened. The poor kid just needed someone to talk to. You remember what it was like, being that young and confused.”

“All right.” I answered not completely believing her. “But if this happens again I will have to go to Maureen. I’m sorry in the University’s eyes if there is something going on and I do not report it I could get booted out as well.”

“No worries Stephanie.” Caroline shrugged. “Nothing happened and Maureen let me know in painstaking detail of all of the do’s and don’ts at Haven. Now sit down and relax I was just going to watch some television and have a glass of wine. Why don’t you join me. A hell of a dull way to spend the weekend I know but other than you I don’t really know anyone here.”

I agreed with a slight reluctance. She opened the bottle of chardonnay and turned on the television. Xena was on and we settled in. I was having fun as we drooled over the warrior princess’ exploits and picked apart the historical inaccuracies. When the show ended we flipped through the channels finally deciding that there was nothing worth watching. So we decided to just talk instead. There was something hauntingly familiar about the scene as we chatted away.

How old was I then? Twenty-one possibly twenty-two? I had known Caroline for almost a year at that point. It was a winter night just like tonight and she invited me over to her dorm room. We watched television and drank far too much wine. “Stephanie?” Caroline’s voice jolted me back to the present. “Do you ever think about what happened?”

“Yes.” I answered honestly. “I feel terrible about the way I treated you. The worse part is that it wasn’t the first time I did something like that.”

“I think about that night.” She sighed regrettably. “I was crazy about you. I think that when I invited you over that night that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I was going to try to seduce you.”

My mind once again drifted back to that night. The talk and the wine. Her kiss that had driven me insane. Before I knew what was happening I was kissing her back and she was pushing me down onto her bed. As we laid on her bed our bodies became entangled. Her hand had slid gently up my sweater and she began to caress my breast. It was the sudden jolt of pleasure that had snapped me into reality. I jumped off of her bed and made some feeble excuse and ran out of her dorm room. I had wanted her so much then and I was simply too frightened to act on my impulses. “You must have hated me.” I said finally.

“I was hurt more than anything.” She answered softly shifting her body slightly closer to me. “I blamed myself.”

“No it was me.” I groaned. “I wanted you but I was a coward.”

“And now?” She asked in a sultry voice as her fingers ran gently across my thigh.

“Now I am in love with someone else.” I said firmly as I removed her hand from my thigh.

“She’s not here.” Caroline pointed out in a husky tone as she grabbed me and pressed her lips forcibly to my own. Without hesitation I pushed her away from me knowing that whatever passions I had once felt for her were long since dead.

“Jesus Christ Caroline!” I yelled as I jumped off of her futon. “Here’s a new flash for you Sparky! I am in love with my girlfriend!” I spun on my heels to leave.

“So you are just going to walk out on me for a second time.” She sneered bitterly.

Her words stopped me cold as I spun around in anger. “Do you honestly think that you are going to guilt me into bed?” I spat out. “Caroline even if for some reason Allison and I were to split up I’m just want to make it clear to you that I am no longer attracted to you.” Having said this I stormed out of her apartment.

The following week passed slowly as Caroline and I kept a chilly distance from one another. Which was fine by me. I did speak to Hal and relayed my conversation I had with Caroline concerning Cheryl Cooper. We both agreed to give her the benefit of the doubt. I could tell by his demeanor that he didn’t believe her story anymore than I did. For now we simply hoped that Caroline’s common sense would kick in.

On friday I returned home very tired and completely agitated. I was not looking forward to joining Chris and Rita for dinner. If it was any other night I would have been thrilled. The thing that really frosted my cookies at the moment was that I had sent Allison a dozen roses. I was yet to receive a phone call from her. I didn’t even get an email. Nadda, nothing, zippo! It was very strange indeed especially since I tried getting in touch with her and she was nowhere to be found. As I entered the apartment and set down my briefcase an uneasy feeling crept over me. “Something was wrong! I was not alone in the apartment.” I reached for the softball bat I had left by the door after Maureen and I had gone to the batting cages to practice last week. I gripped the bat tightly as I approached the bedroom slowly. I entered the bedroom and scanned it quickly when I detected the sounds of the shower running. My heart was racing. “Should I call the police? But then again what kind of thief stops what they are doing to take a shower?”

I stepped carefully into the bathroom and yanked open the shower door. She screamed as I did this. I dropped the bat the moment I saw her. “Stephanie!” Allison gasped. “You scared the life out of me.”

“I scared you?” I laughed as my eyes wondered freely over her naked form. I removed my coat quickly and dropped in onto the floor and slipped out of my shoes. Then still fully dressed I stepped into the shower and took my lover into my arms. I began kissing her all over. “I missed you.” She murmured into my ear.

“Kiss me.” I demanded breathlessly.

Allison obeyed without hesitation as her lips soon found my own. Her hands struggled to unbutton my blouse. My smaller hands clasped her larger ones and halted her movements. I reached down and tore open my blouse. The buttons clanging against the tiles of the shower floor. We both engaged in a struggle to remove my clothing as the warm water drenched our bodies. The water soaked my clothing making it difficult to remove as it clung tightly against my form. Yet somehow we managed to release me from my clothing. Throughout the struggle our lips continually sought out each other. Finally free of my clothing I stood naked before my lover. My eyes glazed over as I watched her tall lean body sink to its knees as her hands caressed me.

I allowed the water to embrace me as Allison kissed my thighs. I opened my legs to her eager for her touch. “If this is a dream please don’t let me awaken!”. With the first flick of her tongue I knew that this was no dream. I braced my hands against the wall of the shower and further opened myself to her. With passion filled eyes she looked up at me as she parted my lips. I trembled as she began to tease me. “Damn!” She sputtered as she suddenly ceased her movements.

“What is it?” I gasped.

“Water up my nose.” She stuttered in dismay.

“Get up here before you drown.” I laughed as I pulled her up to me.

As she stood she shut off the water. “Making love in the shower always seems like a good idea.” She coughed as we stepped out of the shower. “I don’t know sometimes it works.” I smiled as we grabbed some towels and began to dry off. “If you recall we have endured very nicely in some water sports.”

“Oh yeah.” She moaned as she called the memories.

“I can’t believe that you are here.” I said with a smile as I drank in the vision before me.

“I was going to surprise you at the office.” She explained. “But after seven hours on an airplane I felt all grungy.”

“I think finding you naked in the shower was more fun.” I purred.

“I hope that I’m not interrupting any plans that you might have made.” Allison added with a sudden shyness. “I just couldn’t bear not seeing you for another nine weeks.”

“I just need to make a phone call.” I reassured her.

“Oh.” Allison responded with a slight frown.

“I did have a date with two women tonight.” I teased her as I wrapped myself up in a towel and made my way into the bedroom as Allison followed closely behind me.

“You have been a busy girl.” Allison smirked. “And here I thought you might be lonely without me.”

“Oh you have no idea.” I sighed as she raised an eyebrow at me. I quickly explained how Chris and Rita took pity on me an then bullied me into joining them for dinner. I grabbed the telephone and quickly dialed Rita’s shop. “Rita its Stephanie.”

“Hey what’s up you are not going to back out are you?” Rita grunted.

“Afraid so.” I answered brightly.

“Now Stephanie…” She began to protest.

“Sorry Rita.” I responded firmly. “No offense but I just got a better offer.” Allison began to nibble on my shoulder.

“I see.” Rita suspiciously as I moaned in response to Allison’s attention.

“Oh yeah.” I groaned. “You would not believe what I found in the shower when I got home.”

“Do tell.” Rita encouraged me.

“I’ll give you a hint she is about six feet tall, amazing blue eyes and …” I lost my train of thought as Allison’s lips moved to my neck. “… and umm I have to go.” I moaned. I could her Rita laughing at me as I hung up the receiver.

My only thoughts at that moment were to drag Allison to bed. “Let’s drive down to Provincetown.” Allison purred into my ear. “Now?” I gasped as the heat of her touch sent a jolt through my body. “I’ll make you dinner.” Allison encouraged. “We can sit by the fire or sip champagne in the hot tub.”

“Hmmm.” I moaned as the image of Allison in a hot tub floated through my thoughts.

“Is that a ‘yes’?” She chuckled as my body went cold from her departing touch.

“What do I need to pack?” I asked as I finally cleared my head.

“Personally I like what you are wearing at the moment.” She purred as she tugged on the towel I had wrapped myself in. “But then again it is very cold outside.”

We dressed quickly and tossed some clothing in an overnight bag. As we hurried down the staircase I ran into Caroline almost knocking her to the ground. “Sorry.” I said quickly.

“My pleasure.” Caroline purred as she steadied herself touching my backside in the process. I pulled away deliberately. “Where are you running off to in such a hurry.” She inquired in a husky tone. “I was hoping that perhaps we could …” She stopped suddenly finally noticing Allison behind me. Of course she would have noticed sooner if her eyes hadn’t been firmly staring at my cleavage. “Oh … I see that you have other plans.” She sneered as Allison took her place by my side.

“Allison Kendell.” Allison introduced herself as she placed her arm around my waist in a possessive manner.

“Caroline Jennings.” Caroline responded coldly. “I’m your replacement.” She added snidely. “Only in your dreams.” I thought coldly.

Much to my relief Allison simply chuckled at Caroline’s statement. “Sweetheart we should get going if we want to beat the traffic.” I said quickly knowing that Caroline was about to dig her heels in. Caroline was no match for my lover and I didn’t want to waste anytime watching her try to start some kind of pissing contest. I had more important matters to attend to. Allison placed her Rayban firmly on her face and led me out to the car. Caroline was fuming as we made our departure.

“Well Caroline seems interesting.” Allison teased as she pulled the car out of the driveway.

“She’s a pill.” I responded in distaste. “I think she’s after your job.”

“That’s not all she is after is it Baby?” Allison asked knowingly. “Don’t worry Stephanie I trust you. I’m not going to get all freaked out about her.”

“Thank you.” I responded happily to Allison’s self control. “So you’re not bothered by her.”

“Of course I am.” Allison answered sincerely. “I’m jealous as all hell. But if you and I don’t trust one another than we are right back where we started and I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t want to live through that again.”

“Amen.” I added as I squeezed her hand gently.

We drove in silence for a few moments. “I love you, Allison.” I said gently as I squeezed her hand once again. “There is something I need to tell you.” I looked over at her and watched her body tense slightly. I needed to tell her about my past with Caroline. Based on the fiasco that happened with Peter I had more than learned my lesson. I told her everything about what had happened in College to Caroline’s present day advances. When I had finished she thanked me for being honest and kissed my hand. “Are you all right?” I asked slightly fearful of her response.

“Yes.” She answered sweetly. “The world is filled with people like Caroline. You are a beautiful woman Stephanie. There is going to be a lot of women and men alike who are going to try to seduce you. I love you and I know that you love me. That is all that matters. That is not to say that I won’t get upset at times.”

“Allison I spent my entire life looking for you.” I said honestly. “Until there was you, I don’t think that I was really alive.”

“You are going to make me cry.” Allison said softly.

We drove on enjoying one another’s company. It was getting late so decided on a quick dinner from McDonalds instead of Allison cooking. She apologized repeatedly as we drove towards Provincetown. I didn’t care about the food we were together and that was the only thing that really mattered to me. It was very late when we finally arrived in PTown. I was thankful for the Subaru’s all wheel drive as we maneuvered our way through the narrow snow covered streets. Allison’s summer place was small but quaint. She unlocked the gate to the driveway and I pulled the car in.

The windows were covered with dark shutters. Allison explained that they were heavy storm shutters that would protect the glass from any unforeseen weather conditions and we could open them with a switch from the inside. I couldn’t help thinking just how much I wanted to see the house in the summer. Deep in my heart I knew that I would. We rushed into the house from the cold and began turning on the lights. Allison opened a few of the storm shutters so we could enjoy the view. I realized then that the shutters were a heavy metal material. The view of the ocean was breath taking. Allison quickly built a fire and as I warmed myself by the fire she went outside to the deck and started up the hot tub. She needed to uncover it, heat the water and then test it to insure that it was safe to use. I looked around the house with curiosity. It was one floor with a bedroom at the back and a smaller on in the front of the structure. The living room and kitchen meshed together with a deck leading off of the kitchen. It was perfect. The only thing that troubled me was that I knew that I was not the first woman that Allison had brought here.

Allison shivered as she reentered the house. She absently rubbed her hands together and began to scan the contents of her wine rack. “Nuts Chris has been here.” Allison grumbled as she pulled a bottle of champagne out and set up an ice bucket and placed the bottle in so it could chill. “I wish if she was going to sneak down here she would at least replace the wine she uses.” Allison complained.

That was what had been bothering me. Chris had been there and probably others before her. Come to think of it had Chris slept in our bed back in Haven? I tried to remember what Allison had said about that but for the moment I was caught up in the uncomfortable ness of the situation. “Stephanie?” Allison called to me gently. “What’s wrong Honey?”

“It’s silly.” I mumbled. “Chris has been here.” I offered with an embarrassed shrug. “I guess I never stopped to think about it before. That you made love to her in the bed that we share.”

“No I didn’t.” Allison reassured me. “I thought I told you that. The brass bed in Haven was something I bought when I moved there. It was all part of my new life. You are the only woman that I have shared it with. As for this place that is a different story. If it bothers you we can get a hotel room.” She offered sympathetically.

“No.” I sighed with relief as I relaxed slightly. “It bothers me a little but knowing that you would rather try to find a hotel room in the middle of the night rather than make me uncomfortable gives me all of the reassurance that I need.”

“I’ll tell you what how about in the spring we redecorate this place from top to bottom.” She offered.

“Deal.” I agreed eagerly. “Could you get the key back from Chris?”

“How about we just change the locks and the code on the alarm.” She suggested as she crossed over to me.

“Even better.” I laughed slightly. “Now where is that hot tub you promised me.”

“I’m afraid that it won’t be warm for awhile yet.” She explained.

“Now what are we going to do in the mean time?” I teased her as I began to remove my clothing dropping each article on the floor. Allison smiled back at me as she started to remove her clothing as well. We stood there naked bathed in firelight and for a brief moment we simply stared into one another’s eyes. I approached her slowly as she wet her lips in anticipation. I ran my fingers delicately over her skin leaving a trail of goose bumps behind. I reached down and took her by the hand and led her into the bedroom. We made love slowly as our cries of passion matched the howling of the night wind. Later we found ourselves lounging in the hot tub as we sipped champagne.

“I cannot believe that you flew all the way across the country just to see me.” I sighed with contentment as I pressed my body closer to her naked form. “I had to see you.” She answered honestly as she brought me closer to her. I leaned in and kissed her neck with desire. My hands roamed freely as she wrapped her arms around me so I could float in the water. The thrill of the bubbling water and the freedom of floating added to my excitement. I pressed my center against her firm abdomen and continued my explorations. I could feel her hands cup my backside pressing me harder into her with a steady rhythm.

Making love this way was a new experience for me. The night air was cold against my skin mixing with the warmth of the water and the heat from Allison’s body. I could feel Allison’s hand pressing between our bodies as she cupped my mound and began to stroke me gently. My body arched in response as she entered me. My head tossed back looking up into the night sky filled with stars as Allison’s touch grew more insistent. I became lost in a dream world as she entered me the night sky seemed to explode as I released myself for my lover.

Several explosions later we decided it was time to go inside. I raced into the house quickly as Allison shut down the hot tub and covered it for the night. The frigid night air was far too cold for me to endure as I ran directly into the bedroom and climbed under the covers. Even though I was still shivering from the cold I had never felt so relaxed in my life. The combination of champagne, the soothing water from the hot tub blended with the passion of our lovemaking had relaxed every muscle in my body. “Yep, just call me Gumby.” I thought mirthfully. I shivered violently as Allison drew back the covers and joined me in bed. Wrapping me up in arms she warmed me quickly. My breathing slowed as I drifted off to sleep in my lover’s warm embrace.

I awoke the next morning still wrapped up in Allison’s arms as she slept peacefully. I unwrapped myself from her arms and let her continue to sleep as I went into the kitchen. The cupboards were most definitely bare. I stepped back into in the bedroom to find Allison still fast asleep. I relit the fire and then proceeded to shower and dress warmly. Then I walked outside and made my way in the direction that I hoped would lead me into town. As I explored the little seaside village I was captivated. Most everything had been boarded up for the winter but there was still many shops open for the townies. I found a bakery and bought coffee and several Danish.

Upon my return I found Allison still fast asleep. I wanted to wait for her to awaken but my hunger won out since I was completely famished from last evenings activities. After I ate several Danish and drank my coffee I began to gather up the clothing that we had left laying around the living room. Then I curled up onto the sofa by the fire with some work from school. A few hours later Allison finally emerged from the bedroom. She could not look more adorable if she tried. Her hair was a complete mess and she had thrown on a tattered pair of sweats and a baby doll t-shirt that said, ‘Fight Like A Girl’.

“Sorry I slept so late.” She yawned as she stretched. “My body is still on west coast time.”

“S’okay.” I smiled brightly as she ran her fingers through her long raven tresses. “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.” I apologized. “I couldn’t help it after …” My voice trailed off as I blushed unable to complete my words.

“I know.” She winked back at me.

We spent the rest of the weekend blissfully walking around town. The cold New England temperatures often proved to be overwhelming for us. We decided to only go out when we needed to eat. When we weren’t hoping into bed or the hot tub we spent the rest of our time together cuddling by the fire, where we shared our thoughts, dreams and our bodies. I realized that the time we had been apart had actually brought us closer together. I loved seeing her but the endless hours on the telephone not only made AT&T richer it had also enabled us to get to know one another. I was still dreading her leaving again. On Sunday morning we packed up, locked up the house and drove back to Haven. Allison had a flight back that evening.

As we entered the driveway we rushed out of car and raced towards the house eager to spend what little time we had left in bed. As we approached the front porch I was startled to see Cheryl Cooper exiting the house. I just shook my head in disbelief and waved off Allison’s inquiring look. As we entered the foyer Hal greeted us.

“Hello Allison.” Hal greeted her with surprise. “When did you get back?”

“I’m just in for the weekend.” Allison explained.

“That is nice.” Hal mutter as he shifted uncomfortably. “Look I know the two of you probably would like to be alone right about now, but I really need to talk to you Stephanie.” I nodded my head in agreement and understanding. The three of us went upstairs with a slight reluctance. Allison excused herself and went into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Hal sat silently for a moment then he let out a heavy sigh and began to recount the details of the weekend. It would appear that had been a steady stream of female students coming and going from Caroline’s apartment all weekend. Most of which were clueless to the other’s existence. When some of them discovered that they were not as special as Caroline had led them to believe that they were it resulted in more than one altercation. It was apparent that Caroline had gone way beyond simply breaking the rules. This woman was some kind of predator. Hal explained that he could no longer remain silent. I told him not to worry I would go to Maureen first thing in the morning. Hal seemed relieved that he would not have to be the one to blow the whistle.

After Hal’s departure Allison turned to me. “She is sleeping with her students?” She asked in astonishment. “That will get you a ticket out of town very quickly.”

“I warned her.” I said with regret.

“Hey nobody wants to be a squealer.” Allison teased me. “Look I honestly don’t know if I agree with the policy or not but it is there and everyone knows about it. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been here a month or a decade you touch a student and you are out.”

“You don’t agree with the policy?” I was curious.

“Well it’s consenting adults and all.” Allison tried to explain. “Hell I had affairs with a couple of my professors.”

“Why am I not surprised.” I said absently. “Allison have you ever been interested in one of your students?”

“No.” Allison responded bluntly.

“Why not?” I pushed.

“Because they are … kids.” Allison admitted seeming to understand the policy a little better. I just smiled at her and then sighed deeply.

I would deal with Caroline in the morning at the moment I had more pressing matters on my mind. I wanted Allison naked. Call me selfish but that is what I wanted. “Professor Kendell.” I said firmly as I stood and took her by the hand. “Do you really want to debate this issue now?”

“No Dr. Grant.” She responded in a deep tone as she led me into the bedroom.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

The following morning I found myself pacing outside of Maureen’s office. Finally I summoned up the courage and knocked on the door. “Come in!” Maureen bellowed from inside. “Great she is already in a bad mood and I’m about to make it worse.” As I entered her office was on the telephone. She waved to me and I entered completely and closed the door behind me. “So there is no way you can return?” She pleaded in a frazzled tone. “I understand… . talk to you soon.” She hung up the telephone and slumped in her chair as she groaned in disgust. “I was in such a good mood this morning.” Maureen grimaced. “My kids actually made it out the door on time. That should have been my first clue that this day would wind up being a complete disaster.”

“I’m afraid that I am about to make it worse.” I said carefully.

“You’re not running off to California as well?” She joked.

“No.” I swallowed hard not certain how to tell her about Caroline. “It is about Caroline Jennings.”

“I already know.” Maureen said in a serious tone. “This morning three of her students came forward and admitted to having an affair with her.”

“Oh?”

“What an idiot.” Maureen groaned as she looked up at me. “I was just on the telephone with your girlfriend. I was begging with her to come back. Seeing you here I now know why she wasn’t surprised to hear from me.”

“What happens now?” I asked.

“The students are on probation.” Maureen explained grimly. “It could have been worse for them. They could have been dismissed.”

“And Caroline?” I question her with trepidation.

“I have to fire her.” Maureen stated adamantly. “I cannot believe she did this Stephanie. We almost hired her for the position we gave to you. One of the things that prevented that was that I had heard rumors that she had a history of seducing her students. When she came in to fill in for Allison I explained to her that there was no gray area in this matter.” Maureen’s telephone rang and she answered it promptly. “Thank you Grace … send her to my office.” Maureen concluded the brief conversation with a hint of remorse. “I hate doing this.” She said after she hung up the telephone and began to massage her temple.

I left without saying a word. I wanted to make my exit before Caroline arrived. I was not fast enough. “Good Morning Stephanie.” Caroline beamed.

“Hello.” I muttered unable to look her in the eye as I brushed past her making a hasty retreat to my office. I began to gather up my belongings having no desire to be present when Caroline returned. Grace entered and handed me a new assignment sheet. Maureen had already divided up Caroline’s classes amongst the faculty. This was not going to sit well with the rest of the faculty. I thanked Grace as she left.

“You couldn’t resist could you?” Caroline snarled bitterly from the doorway. I looked up at her and felt nothing but pity for her. “You just could not keep your mouth shut!” This time Caroline was actually shouting at me.

“I didn’t turn you in.” I responded calmly. “Granted I was going to but someone else beat me to it. Three students Caroline. I’m willing to wager that they only came forward because they failed to make the short list this weekend. A woman scorned times three. What in the Hell were you thinking?”

“Kids.” She snarled.

“That’s right they are kids Caroline.” I shot back. “And you used them.”

“Bitch!” She screamed in response. “It’s so easy for you isn’t it? I guess when your girlfriend’s last name is Kendell …”

“Don’t.” I warned her furiously.

“Whatever.” She grunted and brushed past me. I took my opportunity and vacated the office quickly.

When I returned home late that evening after a very heated staff meeting I was exhausted. Many of Caroline’s classes were dumped on me. It made sense I was most definitely low man on the totem pole when it came to seniority. I spent the remainder of the day teaching my classes and trying to sort out Caroline’s. After reviewing her lesson plans, grades and syllabus I came to the conclusion that I would need to start from scratch. Her lesson plans made no sense and the grades contained far too many discrepancies. The students would freak but it was the only fair way to do this.

My body was aching and all I wanted was to soak in a very warm bath. I noticed the light flashing on the answering machine and a smile captured my lips. “Please be Allison and not some jerk trying to sell aluminum siding, I just need to hear her voice.” I thought as I dropped my briefcase on the floor and raced over to the machine. I didn’t even bother to close the door on the apartment I just needed to hear her voice. I pressed the button anxiously. “Hi Honey.” Allison’s sultry voice called out to me. “You’re probably still working. I talked to Maureen this morning. It must have been Hell for you. Do yourself a favor … drop everything and take a long hot bath and remember that I love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” The machine beeped noting it was the end of the message. I sighed happily.

“How sweet.” A voice slurred from behind me and my body tensed. I turned to discover Caroline standing or at least trying to stand in the doorway. The woman was a more than a little drunk. “Great this day just keeps getting better and better!”

“Tell me something Steffi pooh.” Caroline slurred. “What is it about Allison that is so damn fascinating?”

“Get out!” I demanded firmly.

“No.” She scoffed. “Not until you tell me about your girlie.” She weaved as she stepped into the apartment.

“Get out.” I repeated.

“What is it hmm?” She made her way over to me and attempted to stare me down. “She’s not that good looking. Is it the money?”

“I said get out.” I repeated loudly as I stood up to her.

“Tell me Steffi pooh.” Caroline continued ignoring my request. “What’s the great Allison have that I don’t?” Then she reached up and tore open her blouse and began to cup her own breast.

“It is probably because she is so amazing in bed.” A firm voice said from the still open doorway. I looked past Caroline to find Chris standing very confidently in the doorway.

“What the …” Caroline sputtered as she turned towards Chris. “Who da hell are you … say you’re kinda cute.” She stumbled towards Chris and reached over to touch her. Chris just pushed her hands away as she rolled her eyes in disgust. The entire display was simply pathetic. “I think you should leave.” Chris added firmly.

“Why?” Caroline slurred in a cockily manner.

“Because the Lady asked you to.” Chris asserted as she straighten out her body to its full intimidating height and stared down at Caroline. Chris’ imposing stature eclipsed Caroline. She looked up at Chris and muttered something incoherent and stumbled out of the apartment.

“Charming.” Chris sneered as she carefully watched Caroline make her departure.

“Thank you.” I sighed with relief as I rushed over and slammed the door close and locked it. “She was beginning to make me nervous.”

“What’s her problem anyway?” Chris asked. “I mean other than the gin.”

“She got fired today.” I explained.

“I know.” Chris responded. “That’s why I’m here. Allison rang me up and asked me to let her know that there would no problem in releasing her from her sublet agreement. I didn’t know Ally owned this house.”

“Family secret.” I answered. “Wait you flew in from New York just for that?”

“No.” Chris responded with a slight uneasiness. “As of this weekend I’m living in Boston.”

“Oh?”

“Well it’s not official yet.” Chris hedged. “I gave my notice at the firm. I was going to tell you on Friday but since you had a better offer…”

“That I did.”

“Anyways.” Chris smiled knowingly. “After all of these years at Wainwright and Griggs and all of the hard work I put in not to mention saving their butts from Simon Brenner I was certain that I was well on my way to becoming a partner. It was made painfully clear to me that I was not. So I walked.”

“Chris I’m sorry.” I offered.

“I’m not.” She stated with conviction. “Unlike my ex-girlfriend I like the law and I love being a lawyer. It’s time for me to become the type of lawyer I always wanted to be. I still need to pass the bar here but I like Boston and I think that I might try my hand at private practice. For now I’m staying with Rita. Is any of this going to be a problem for you. I like you Stephanie and I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine with it.” I said warmly. “I like you too. Granted at times things can be a little awkward.”

“I know.” Chris smiled in return. “For me as well … sometimes seeing the two of you together hurts. Say tell me about little Miss Muffet from downstairs. Why is she mad at you?”

“She blames me for her losing her job.” I tried to explain knowing that no of it made any sense. “She also hates me because I won’t sleep with her.”

“I don’t understand.” Chris said as she shook her head in confusion. “I have a long list of women who have shot me down not once did I ever show up at their apartment drunk of my ass.”

“I find it hard to believe that someone has turned you down.” I said honestly.

“It happens I’m not Madonna.” Chris chuckled. “Why was she fired?”

“Sleeping with her students.”

“They cannot fire her for that.” Chris responded simply as I watch her legal mind going to work.

“It was in her contract.” I argued. “And she had been warned when they hired her that it was against University policy.”

“The contract means nothing.” Chris shrugged. “But if they went out of their way to give her a special warning I am going to assume that she has a history with this sort of thing.” Chris went on lost in thought.

“I think so.” I answered. “You don’t think that she could fight this? Do you?”

“She could.” Chris answered directly. “If she has done this before then she probably knows just how to handle it. If she is smart she knows that the University would do anything to avoid a public scandal. They will settle and she will walk away with a big check with no stains on her record. Probably just a few rumors or innuendo.”

It was too incredible to believe but it made sense. Caroline had been bouncing from one college to the next. No doubt adding notches to her bedpost along the way and cashing in on it as well. Chris was probably right. Caroline had pulled this before. I managed to convince Chris into crashing on the sofa for night instead of driving all the way back to town only to drive back in the morning.

The following morning I made coffee while Chris took a shower. Allison called to see how I was doing and I retold her the events of last evening including Chris’ suspicions. Allison agreed with Chris that Caroline was probably using her lesbian affairs with students as a way to cash in. Chris walked out into the living room just as the conversation was beginning to get interesting. She rolled her eyes and trotted off into the kitchen to fetch some coffee while I ducked into the bedroom and finished my conversation with Allison.

After Chris left I took a much-needed cold shower. When I was leaving the apartment I could hear screaming coming from down below. “Who the Hell do you think you are?” Caroline screamed as she stood in the foyer dressed only in a bathrobe.

“As I have already explained I represent your landlord.” Chris said dryly.

“Allison Kendell is not my landlord.” Caroline screeched indignantly.

“Technically she is.” Chris pointed out in a rather bored tone.

“Well you can tell her that I’m not going anywhere.” Caroline snapped back in a cocky manner.

“That is fine.” Chris responded in the same monotone voice she had maintained through out the conversation. “No one is telling you to leave. You can stay as long as you pay your rent. I am only here to inform you that you are free to go. You will not be held to your lease.”

I thought it was strange that Caroline had a lease since I had never signed one. I also thought it was strange that she would want to stay in Haven since she just been fired by the University. This was a small town and everyone who lived here was in one form or another connected to University.

“I’m staying.” Caroline spat back. “I’ll need to stay here since my lawyer is filing a law suit against the University.”

“Really?” Chris smirked in a cocky manner.

“That’s right lawyer girl.” Caroline snarled as she planted her hands firmly on her hips. “I don’t what kind of law they practice in whatever Podunk town you’re from but here in the big city things are different.”

I cringed as I awaited for Chris to rip Caroline a new orifice. Surprisingly enough it never happened. “Do tell?” Chris baited her.

“I’m suing for wrongful termination and sexual harassment.” Caroline stated proudly.

“Are you insane?” I finally said having grown weary from watching this display.

“I have a strong case.” Caroline quipped in my direction. “I’m also planning to sue Allison Kendell as well since she is the catalyst behind all of this.”

“I see.” Chris nodded thoughtfully. “Except you don’t have a leg to stand on.”

“Yeah right.” Caroline sneered in distaste.

“Well for starters Allison Kendell is on the other side of the country.” Chris pointed out. “You were dismissed from your position because you violated your contract.”

“Prove it.” Caroline snarled all full of herself.

“The students came forward.” I pointed out.

“Students?” Chris cooed pleasantly. “As in more than one?”

“Three.” I answered.

“They will never testify.” Caroline gloated. “Those girls would be far too embarrassed if their families found out.”

“I don’t know three of them one of them might be just angry enough with you to do that.” Chris noted. “As for sexual harassment what is your basis for that claim?”

“Dr. Grant was constantly making sexual overtures to me and when I refused her advances she used her influence to have me fired.” Caroline stated in a hurt tone.

My jaw dropped as I realized that this woman was using me to get to Allison’s mythical fortune. Chris simply laughed in her face. “Miss. Jennings you are not filing any lawsuit.” Chris stated very calmly.

“And why not?” Caroline snarled refusing to back down.

“First off that podunk town I’m from is New York City. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?” Chris stressed. “I’m with one of the top firms in the country and I am very good at what I do. For starters all I need is the statements those three statements have already made. Then I’ll look into your past I’m sure out there somewhere is an old colleague who would love to expose you for the lying bitch that you are. After that it shouldn’t be too difficult to prove the only mistake the University made was to hire you in the first place. Now as for Dr. Grant I will personally love to testify about how I found you in her apartment tearing your clothes off in a drunken stupor while she was yelling at you to leave.”

“You won’t do that.” Caroline cooed in a confident manner. “If you do then I’ll be forced to call Professor Kendell and tell her that you spent the night.”

“And?” Chris asked in confusion. “She knows that and she also knows that I slept on the couch.”

“What?” Caroline sputtered in a shaky voice knowing that her bluff had been finally called.

“You know it is women like you that give the rest of us a bad name.” Chris said bitterly. “Now as I was saying you are not being asked to leave this residence but you are free to go.”

Caroline stomped off in a huff and slammed her apartment door. Chris turned to me shaking her head, “That woman makes me look like a virgin.” Chris had made her point and Caroline Jennings was gone for good. By the time I returned home from work that evening she had packed and disappeared. None of us ever heard from her again. I had to ask myself how it was that at one time I had found that woman attractive? Granted it was a long time ago but that kind of warped personality just doesn’t pop up over night. I also had to ask myself if her recent advances had were so she could somehow gain some kind of leverage for herself. Was I a ticket into Haven or to Allison? Perhaps I was just another conquest?

As the weeks passed I forgot about Caroline. It was spring and that mean that Allison would be home soon. It also marked the start of the softball season. I was pitching and doing fairly well so Maureen was thrilled. I didn’t understand why she was so happy since we were ranked number nine out of fifteen teams. Stan (who played left field), explained to me that we had never finished above last place.

On an usually hot day in April I was standing on the mound. We had won our last three games and now it was the top of ninth and we were tied at five all. If we could pull this win off the team would move up in the rankings. Maureen had been ready to explode throughout the entire game. I had struck out the first batter and I had one ball and two strikes against the second batter. I took my stance and was just about to release the ball when I spotted a familiar face peeking out from behind the backstop. I released the ball, which sailed off nowhere near the plate.

I tried to calm myself as I watched her make her way over to the bleachers. I took a deep breath and tried to focus. My next pitch faired better but not good enough. “Ball three the umpire called out.” “Okay this is not the end of the world. So it’s a full count with the score tied in the last inning no problem! Just don’t look at her and you will be fine.” I heard Maureen call for time as she ran over to me from first base. “Stephanie?” Her voice squeaked. “Are you all right?” I simply shook my head in a negative response. “Damn. I knew I shouldn’t have let you pitch all nine innings.” She chastised herself.

“It’s not that.” I laughed slightly as I stared at my feet. “Look over at the bleachers.”

“Why?”

“Look who just showed up.” I smiled as I pointed over to Allison. “My God she looks good.”

“Oh she came home early.” Maureen sighed and then snapped back into her coach mode. “No time for that. Just don’t look over there.”

“I can’t help it.” I pouted. “It has been a long time.”

“Let me put it to you this way.” Maureen spoke carefully. “Two more outs and you are that much closer to taking her home.”

“Get your ass back on first base.” I ordered her firmly. Maureen ran back to first and I threw out my next pitch. A swing and a miss. The next batter went down in flames. Three pitches and three strikes. What can I say? I was suddenly motivated. Maureen ran over and hugged me. I started to head towards the bleachers when Maureen grabbed me.

“Not so fast hot stuff.” She tugged my shirt. “You are up. Remember?” Reluctantly I tossed my glove in our dugout and grabbed my bat. Once the warm up was completed I turned to Maureen. “We are not going into overtime.” I spat out as she laughed. I stomped over to home plate like a woman on a mission. The first pitch was perfect. I knew the moment the bat made contact with the ball that my prediction had been accurate. I flung my bat to the ground and rounded the bases with ease. Once I crossed over home plate my teammates surrounded me. I knew they were happy but I had other things on my mind as I tried to pull myself away from the celebration.

I looked for her in the crowd until I found her carefully putting my gear together in the dugout she stepped out onto the field with my equipment bags tossed over her shoulder. I pushed my way over to her and without saying a word and not caring who was watching, I reached up and pulled her to me. We greeted one another without words as our lips met and we kissed deeply.

Once the need to breath overwhelmed us we parted. I reached down and tugged on her belt and pulled her to me. “Let’s go home.” Was all I said. She nodded in agreement with a misty eyed look.

EPILOGUE

Well that is it. That is how my journey began and ended well not quite how it ended. It is now a year later. September in fact and classes are starting in a few days. I find myself standing on the pitchers mound once again. This time at the end of the season in the championship game. I feel good we are one strike away from walking away with the title for the first time. But it is not the game that is making me smile. It is one face looking out from the crowd. I smile in her direction and then turn my attention back to the task at hand. I know the instant the ball leaves my hand how good it is. The batter swings and misses. We win. My teammates already know I won’t be joining them for the celebration. I need to get my girl home.

You see yesterday we found out that she was carrying twins. Of course we already suspected that. Gaia told us last year. Even though she left us months ago before Allison got pregnant we can still feel her with us. Oh and if you are wondering it was window-shopping. Allison and I had been walking around Boston. For some reason we found ourselves standing in front of Maternity shop holding hands and watching the people inside. Without speaking we knew what we wanted. What we wanted was to complete our family.

Soon we will. I just wished that Gaia had warned me what life going to be like with a very pregnant Allison. It doesn’t matter I would have found my way to her and our children anyway. It is where I belong. It is my home.

The End

* * *

Although Stephan James Ballister, Haley Ballister and Anna Moorehouse are fictional. The Louisiana Tigers Company B was quite real. All references other than those involving fictional characters are accurate (Such as dates and battles the company was involved with). The company consisted mostly of foreigners and right or wrong the members of the company received an unfavorable reputation. The Louisiana Tigers were also known as the River Rats. Two of their members O’Brien and Corcoran the first members of the Confederacy to be executed by the Confederacy. My apologies if anyone takes offense to my story suggesting that a member of the company was a woman. Although there were several woman who were involved with the American Civil War, some openly as female and some disguised as men. There is no evidence to support the claim that any member of Company B was female. So all of you nice folks down south just keep repeating “Well what did you expect she’s from Boston. Damn Yankees!” Of course when we say that here we are talking about Baseball. F.Y. I Company B is still active today. If you would like more information check your local library or on line. Hey I did my own research so can you. :)

Content

Applewater Mavis Finding My Way

FINDING MY WAY BY MAVIS APPLEWATER

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

EPILOGUE