Worn Me Down

Playing with Fire - 3

by

Tara Sivec

Prologue

I can’t believe what a fool I’ve been. I let my guard down for the first time in months and now I’m going to pay the ultimate price – the one person in my world that I love more than my own life will be taken from me in the blink of an eye because of my stupidity. I did everything I could to keep Emma safe; I hid, I lied and I worked my fingers to the bone, but it was all for nothing. This precious little being that came screaming into my world six years ago and gave me a reason to breathe every single day since then – I had failed her.

I watch in horror as my baby struggles to breathe through the tears and the thick, silver tape over her mouth. Her muffled whimpers are like a knife straight through my heart and I fight with everything inside of me to get loose from the bindings holding me in place. I scream and cry with a pain I’ve never felt before as I try so hard to get free. The ropes cut into my wrists and ankles as I twist and turn, thrash and fight. I need to go to her, I need to wrap my arms around her and calm her fears, tell her everything will be okay, but I can’t. How does a mother sit tied to a chair on the other side of the room from her child and just watch her suffer? The years of mental and physical abuse, broken bones and shattered spirit are nothing compared to this.

“You just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? We were supposed to be a family and you ruined it all.”

A fist connects with my cheek and for a moment, I close my eyes to ward off the pain. I don’t have time to wallow in my own self-pity though. I quickly blink my eyes back into focus and my gaze immediately goes to my little one across the room, staring at me wide-eyed. My pain means nothing right now; the only thing that matters to me is making sure Emma is okay. It’s been just the two of us against the world for months now. I had my brother, and I had Austin, but it’s not the same. Their love doesn’t even hold a candle to the love between mother and daughter. There’s a piece of my heart living and breathing outside of my body and for six years it’s been the most amazing miracle to watch her grow and change. Now, I realize just how fragile that piece of my heart is; I can’t protect her and I can’t save her. I don’t want her to see how scared I am, but I can do nothing to stop the sobs from escaping.

The fear and sadness I see on my daughter’s beautiful, perfect little face makes my stomach cramp and hurts worse than any blow I’ve ever taken to my body. I’m accustomed to the agony and humiliation of abuse. I’ve learned how to shut down my mind and my heart and pretend like it wasn’t really happening to me, but Emma was never supposed to witness this horror. She was never supposed to know how weak I really am. I did everything I could to shield her from this awfulness – I fled in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on our backs, I made a new life for us and I showered my girl with enough love to make up for the missing parent in her life.

I should have realized you could never outrun your past. It always has a way of catching up with you. My past and my present have collided and nothing will be able to heal the wounds from this devastation.

For a brief moment, I wish Austin were here. I tried so hard not to love him, not to trust him, but it was impossible. He was full of life and made me want things I knew I could never have. He made me promises I should have known he wouldn’t keep and he made me want things I had no business dreaming of. I should have known he’d run the first chance he got. I always trusted the wrong people and it always came back to bite me in the ass.

“You took everything from me. I had a plan. It was going to be perfect.”

As our tormentor stalks across the room towards Emma, I scream and cry so loudly that I’m certain someone must hear me, but no one does. No one ever hears me. Emma and I are alone in this nightmare. I’m going to have to sit here, strapped to this chair, bruises marking every inch of my body and watch as my child is taken from me.

“Please, don’t do this! You love her, I know you love her. I’m sorry the things I did hurt you but please, don’t take it out on her.”

I can feel layers of my skin being ripped to shreds as I continue to use every ounce of strength left in me to get free. Blood drips down my palms and off the tips of my fingers to pool on the floor as the monster I spent my life trusting aims a gun at Emma’s chest.

Oh God, this can’t be happening. I can’t live in a world where she doesn’t exist.

The click of a bullet being released into the chamber of the gun echoes around the room. “Now it’s your turn to lose it all.”

I hold Emma’s frightened gaze in my own and try to tell her with my eyes how much I love her and how sorry I am. With a sinking feeling of dread that makes me nauseous, I know our time is up. There’s nothing I can do now but pray that death happens quickly and painlessly for my beautiful baby girl – and that this asshole will show a tiny bit of mercy and put me out of my misery soon after.

The explosion of the gun going off happens without warning and I let out a blood-curdling scream.

Chapter 1

Austin

Two months earlier…

“I just got your voicemail. Um, are you sure you want me to fill in for you at the office? I don’t think your sister is going to like that very much,” I state into the phone.

Locking the front door behind me, I head out into the bright morning light and slide behind the wheel of my rental car. I just flew back into the states five hours ago from Afghanistan. After six days in the desert doing surveillance and the fifteen-hour flights to and from the country, I’m surprised I even know what fucking day it is. As soon as I got to the rental house that I’ve called home for the last month, I passed out face down on the bed for a few hours before I checked my voicemails. The only reason I’m not sleeping the day away is because my SEAL brother needs me.

“Yes, I’m sure I want you to fill in for me at the office. Gwen’s got some personal things going on in her life, and there’s no way I want her handling any cases on her own while I’m gone,” Brady explains to me.

I can hear heavy breathing and kissing sounds through the phone line as I back out of the driveway and head towards downtown Nashville. I chuckle to myself and shake my head. A few months ago, Brady was hired to help with security for one of the biggest pop stars in the country – Layla Carlyle. I knew the first time he called me bitching and moaning about her that it wouldn’t be long before he’d go over to the dark side like our other team member, Garrett McCarthy. Both of those assholes gave up the single life in the blink of an eye. By the sounds on the other end of the line, I’m guessing that Brady’s decision to go on tour with Layla has proven to be a good idea.

“Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. That chick will be pissed off when she sees me walk through that door,” I reply with a laugh.

There’s more shuffling through the line and I’m pretty sure I just heard a gasp.

Lucky fucking bastard.

“Austin, I have to go. Just remember one thing: no fucking my sister.”

The call ends abruptly and I laugh again as I toss my phone onto the passenger seat. I really can’t be offended at Brady’s parting words. I’ve made it my mission in life to screw beautiful women, and Gwen Marshall is a gorgeous fucking woman.

She’s also got an attitude a mile long and would probably chew off my head and spit it out if I ever banged her. To be fair though, we didn’t exactly meet under the best of circumstances a month ago. Brady called me when Layla went missing and I dropped everything, drove out here to bumfuck nowhere Tennessee, and helped him get his woman back. Gwen and I spoke on the phone a few times before I headed out here and let’s just say those phone calls were some of my best work. I could tell as soon as I heard her raspy, beautiful, attitude-filled voice on the phone that I would enjoy getting under her skin. My attempts at flirting were swatted away like an asshole housefly. But I’m a SEAL – we don’t give up easily.

“This is Gwen, Brady Marshall’s sister. Your friend Garrett gave me your number. I need some help finding information for a case we’re working on.”

I knew Brady had a sister; he’d spoken about her once or twice. I assumed she was still in high school. The voice on the other end of the line most definitely belonged to a woman.

“Do you prefer pancakes or eggs?” I replied nonchalantly.

“I don’t, I like…what?”

The confusion in her voice made me laugh.

“Well, I figure since you need a favor from me, the least I could do is make you breakfast the next morning when you pay me back.”

The silence on the other end of the line lasted for so long that I pulled the phone away from my ear to make sure the call hadn’t been dropped.

“You have issues. Can you help me get the information I need or not?” she finally asked sarcastically.

“I can get you anything you need, darlin’.”

I heard her sigh in annoyance and that just made me want to push her even more.

“We need everything you can find on a woman named Eve Carlyle. No one will give us anything.”

I smiled to myself. She wasn’t easily rattled; I liked that in a woman.

“I can always make a woman talk. I have this trick I do with my tongue where I swirl-”

“Okay, I get it. Stop talking,” she interrupted. “Just, send me an email with whatever you find.”

It’s not like I’d ever really sleep with her. She’s my best friend’s sister. There are rules in the Guy’s Handbook that you never fuck with your friend’s sister. Or fuck your friend’s sister. Brady knows I’m not the settling-down type and I’m sure his sister, with the giant stick up her ass, is the type of woman who would want the white picket fence and nine million snot-nosed kids running around while she nagged the poor bastard who married her day in and day out. No, thank you. One night is about all I can stand with any woman.

It would take a pretty strong woman to put up with a guy like me and the kind of job I have, which is why it’s always easy to sneak out the morning after and never call them again – I haven’t met any woman who could fit that bill. I’m a Navy SEAL for life. I can get a call in the middle of the night and be in another country with a gun in my hand and an insurgent in my crosshairs before the little missus even had her first cup of coffee. I live and breathe the job. It’s what I was made to do and even though some of the missions have left me with scars, physically and mentally that I’ll never be able to remove, I still love every second of it. I love the thrill, I love the unknown and I love the danger. I go into each mission knowing full well I might not come home, like so many of my SEAL brothers. There isn’t a woman alive who would understand that dedication and the need I have to take such dangerous chances with my life.

I’ve never had a family so it’s not like I know what I’m missing. To put it nicely, my mother was a whore. She tried to raise me on her own, since she had no idea which one of the many loser men in her life were my father, but after five years she realized that having a child interfered with her partying. She handed me over to the state and I never saw her again. I was passed around from foster home to foster home, each one slightly worse than the last, until I was eighteen years old. Knowing I had no other choice, I immediately enlisted in the Navy and I’ve never looked back. I never had parents with a wonderful marriage to look up to and I never had siblings to connect with. I have my SEAL brothers and that’s all that matters. Even if I were the type of guy to settle down, I wouldn’t know what the fuck to do with a wife and kids anyway.

As I drive through downtown Nashville, I wonder if the Ice Queen has melted a little bit since the last time I saw her. When I said I knew Brady had a sister, that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge of her until I met her a month ago. Brady was never the type of guy who opened up about himself or his family life. I knew she existed and I knew she was younger than him. I knew he came from a really well off family and that like me, as soon as he turned eighteen, he got the hell out of there. Since Gwen was younger, she stayed behind and up until recently, he hadn’t spoken to her much. Brady never talked about his reasons for leaving all that wealth behind and I never asked. Every man has a few skeletons in his closet and sometimes, those little bastards need to stay right where they are.

Then, I talked to Gwen on the phone and got to meet her in person while I helped to track down the mad man who took Layla. I’m not used to a chick practically hating me on sight, but that’s how it went down. We spent a few days together before and after Layla was taken and I’m surprised you can’t still see the stab wounds her damn attitude left on my ego. So why the hell am I more excited about this assignment than the one we did two years ago when we shut down a drug smuggling ring in Cuba? Good question. Call me a glutton for punishment.

At the mention of Gwen having some “personal things” going on her life, I immediately wondered what the fuck she could possibly have going on. The only thing I know about her is that she suddenly showed up in Brady’s life again a few months ago, has been living with him at his apartment and working for him at his PI agency. The little time I spent with her tracking down Layla proved she was determined and hard working. It also proved that everything I said or did bugged the shit out of her.

Pulling the rental car up in front of Brady’s office, I smile to myself as I get out and make my way up to the glass door. Gwen is not going to be happy to see me at all, especially knowing her brother called me and thinks she needs a keeper. I can already imagine the smoke coming out of her ears and the curses flying from her mouth.

With a cocky smile firmly in place, I pull open the door and saunter in.

Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.

Chapter 2

Gwen

Hanging up the phone, I make some notes about a new case on the legal pad in front of me. It’s weird being here in the office alone, but it feels good. It’s nice to know my brother trusts me to handle his business while he’s touring the country with Layla. He was hesitant to leave me alone, especially when I told him I had finally bitten the bullet and filed for divorce. After a few weeks with nothing but positive news from my lawyer that William isn’t contesting anything and that he’s being very cooperative, I shoved Brady out the door and assured him I would call if there were any problems.

The bell dings above the front door and I don’t look up from my notes, but I do glance at the clock on the desk phone. One of our regular clients, Allison Kinter, was supposed to be here forty-five minutes ago for a follow-up meeting. I can’t stand the woman. Every other week she’s in here complaining that her husband is cheating on her. And every other week, we find absolutely nothing to support that claim, much to her annoyance. She’s pushy, condescending and reminds me too much of my mother.

“You’re late,” I state in annoyance, scribbling one last thing on the page.

“I’m sorry, darlin’. If I would have known you were sitting here anxiously awaiting my arrival I would have got here earlier.”

My head whips up at the sound of the gravely, masculine voice with a tiny hint of southern drawl that under normal circumstances would make my insides melt. Unfortunately, that voice belongs to a man whose ego far outweighs his good looks. Southern gentleman he is not.

“Get out,” I demand, standing up from my chair and crossing my arms in front of me.

Austin perches his hip on the edge of my desk and smiles at me. “Now, don’t be like that. I know you’ve missed me.”

I roll my eyes at his audacity. It’s really sad that a man this good looking is such a pompous ass. He’s easily six-foot-three and two hundred pounds of athletic muscle. His sandy brown hair is cut military short and his bright blue eyes sparkle as he smiles at me.

“I’ve missed you just about as much as I’ve missed chlamydia,” I state dryly.

He laughs and looks away from me, flipping through some of the files on top of my desk. I don’t know what it is about this man that turns me into such a bitch. Oh, wait, yes I do. I only spent three days with him a month ago, but I learned enough about him in those few days to make me want to stay far away from him. His blatant attempts at flirting and the charm he turns up so high it gives me a headache reeks of arrogance and a man used to always getting what he wants. I spent ten miserable years with a man like that and I’ll never make that same mistake again. William was charming and flirtatious too – until something set him off and my body became a punching bag.

Getting my head out of my ass, I pull my gaze away from the muscles flexing in the bicep of his arm he’s using to hold himself up on my desk. Reaching over, I smack his hand and gather up all of the files. I quickly shove them in my top drawer, slam it shut with a bang and glare at him.

What the hell is he doing here anyway? The last I heard from Brady, he jetted off in the middle of the night for some emergency mission and had no clue when he’d be back stateside. I kind of hoped after our few encounters that he would fall victim to a rabid camel attack in Siberia, or wherever the hell he went.

“Brady’s not here. You can go now.”

Turning away from him, I walk over to the small kitchen counter on the far side of the office and pour myself a much needed, strong cup of coffee.

“Well, lucky for you, I’m not here to see Brady. I’m here for you.”

Just the way he says those words makes my gut clench. I’m not sure if it’s in annoyance or lust. Either idea pisses me off. My track record with men, well one man, is rife with misery and pain. Just the idea that I would want someone at all, especially someone like Austin Conrad, is enough to make me stack up a million more bricks into the solid wall I’ve already surrounded myself with. It’s absolutely absurd that I would find anything about him even remotely attractive.

Cradling the warm mug in my hand, I turn around and lean against the counter. “There’s no reason for you to be here for me. So, like I said, you can go now.”

Austin slides off of my desk, sticks his hands into the front pocket of his jeans and casually walks up to me. He doesn’t stop until our toes are touching and I can smell just a hint of his spicy aftershave. The creases at the corners of his eyes stand out as he smiles down at me. If I could move away from him, I would. But as it is, the edge of the counter is already pressing harshly into my back. He’s too close, too large and he smells too good.

“Sorry, no can do. Your brother told me to look out for you while he’s gone, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

The anger rolls through me and I clench so tightly to the coffee mug that I’m surprised it doesn’t shatter in my hand, dousing both of us in scalding hot liquid. So much for Brady trusting me to run the business and take care of myself.

“I don’t need you, or anyone to babysit me. I’m a grown ass woman and can handle things just fine on my own,” I tell him with barely concealed fury.

Austin leans in as close as he can with my hands holding the coffee cup between us. I can feel the heat from his body and I have to tamp down the need to drop the cup and touch him.

Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? This man is off limits, and not just because he’s a jerk.

“Oh believe me, it’s quite obvious just how grown you are,” he tells me quietly, his eyes traveling down the front of my body.

It’s disgusting and dirty. And it makes me weak in the knees.

God dammit, get a grip, Gwen!

Sliding along the edge of the counter, I move away from him and back to my desk. I need distance from this infuriating man. It’s impossible for him to be serious for one second.

“Brady is blindly in love and obviously wasn’t thinking straight when he called you. Don’t worry, I’ll tell him you stopped by. Now leave. I have work to do.”

I hear Austin sigh from behind me and hope that he’s finally gotten the hint that I don’t want him here. I mean really, do I need to spell it out for him? He needs to go away before I do something stupid. Signing those divorce papers lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. Not having William track me down and threaten me like he would have done in the past has given me a false sense of security. It’s made me feel like I might finally be able to move forward and be happy again. Of course the first man I’ve had any real contact with since I left William in the middle of the night all those months ago, aside from my brother or a client, had to be this infuriating man who gets under my skin.

“Now Gwen, you know how much it turns me on when you’re so demanding,” Austin chuckles. “Let’s just call a truce here, okay? My best friend asked me for a favor and I never tell one of my brothers ‘no’. I’m in between missions and there’s nothing more I’d like than to keep an eye on you.”

Austin mirrors my earlier pose and leans his back against the edge of the counter, staring me down.

“Look, I get that you Navy SEALS are a determined bunch and that’s lovely, very helpful for people who actually need it. But you’re not needed or wanted here. End of story,” I tell him.

The teasing look in his eyes is immediately gone, replaced by a hint of annoyance.

“Listen, princess, I don’t know what kind of trivial shit you have going on in your life and frankly, I don’t care. But your brother seems to be worried about you. The work he does here can be dangerous. You should know that by now. Even though your attitude could cut a man off at the knees, a single, vulnerable woman like yourself doesn’t need to be within ten feet of danger.”

The fact that he called me princess is enough to raise my hackles, but then to add in the part about my ‘trivial shit’ pushes me over the edge. Single, vulnerable woman… are you kidding me? He has no fucking idea what my life has been like or the danger I’ve been around and survived. Without warning, a particularly chilling memory surfaces and my hands begin to shake.

I put on the finishing touches of my make-up and surveyed myself in the mirror. The little black dress William bought me the previous week fits me like a glove and shows off my curves. I’ve pulled my long, blonde hair up into a sleek twist, just the way he likes it. Glancing at the clock on our nightstand, I see that I’m ready in record time and hurry out of our bedroom and down the staircase. William and I haven’t had an evening out alone together in quite some time. Even though this is a work function for him, it’s still nice to get dressed up and go out on the town with my husband. He’d been so stressed at work and on edge since the baby was born, I think this will be good for us.

As I walk down off of the bottom step, William looked up from the table in the foyer where he sorted through the day’s mail. The smile on my face died when I saw the look in his eyes.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” he asked angrily.

I glanced nervously down at myself, checking to make sure I didn’t get any make-up powder on the front of the dress and that I wore matching shoes. Since I gave birth to Emma three months ago, I had been a little scatterbrained.

“It-it’s the dress you got me. Don’t you like it?” I questioned.

He tossed the mail down on top of the table and stalked over to me. “Your tits are hanging out. Do you want all of my colleagues to think you’re a whore? Jesus, it’s like you don’t even have a fucking brain sometimes.”

With a shaking hand, I reached up and pressed my palm over the miniscule bit of cleavage that can be seen peeking out from the top of the dress.

It’s always best not to say anything when William’s in one of his moods. I should know this by now, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to know why he was so angry.

“I’m not showing that much. This dress is very conservative compared to what the other wives will be wearing.”

The punch to my stomach is quick and takes my breath away. Bending over, I clutched my hands around my middle and struggled to get air into my lungs while trying not to cry. William hated it when I cried.

“Go upstairs and change. Make it fast. We’re going to be late now because of you.”

“Gwen. Hey, GWEN!”

The sound of my name pulls me back from the past and I blink my eyes into focus. Austin has moved from his spot leaning against the counter and is back in my personal space. The concern on his face is evident and I look down at my hands when I feel something hot and wet on them.

The coffee. Shit, I spilled the coffee.

Austin gently reaches out and pulls the now half-empty mug out of my shaking hands, placing it on my desk.

“Where did you go just now?” he asks quietly, pulling tissues out of the box on my desk and wiping the spilled coffee off my hands.

I stare in wonder as he softly pats my hands. It’s been so long since someone took care of me. It’s also been a while since I had one of those awful memories. I pushed them all away as soon as I arrived at Brady’s house that night so many months ago. I wouldn’t let myself think about them. I was broken enough; thinking about all of the ways I was a fool would just make things worse.

Five minutes in Austin’s company and I’m reliving the past. I angrily yank my hands out of his grasp and finish wiping my hands off on my own.

“It’s fine. I don’t need your help.”

Stepping away from him, I walk over to the garbage can and toss the tissues away.

“You just spaced out and spilled hot coffee all over yourself. Stop being so damn stubborn,” he replies.

Before I can come up with a good insult that will finally make him leave me the hell alone, the bell above the door dings again and the one word that makes everything better is shouted from across the room.

“Mommy!”

Chapter 3

Austin

I probably shouldn’t have called her a princess. That was a dick move, but she’s really pissing me off. Why is it so hard for her to just accept the fact that Brady wants me here and I’m not going anywhere? Who knows what the fuck made her zone out, her hands shake and had her spilling hot coffee over herself. All that irritability bottled up in her tiny, well-endowed body probably short-circuted her brain. Remind me never to call her any names again. Next time she might throw that cup at my head.

Before I can try to reason with her again, my eyes widen in surprise as a mini version of Gwen comes racing into the office and throws herself at the woman whose ass I’d been staring at when she bent over to throw away the kleenex.

“Hi baby! How was your day?” Gwen asks the little girl as she scoops her up in her arms and peppers her face with kisses.

An older woman, I didn’t even notice following behind the girl, stands off to the side with a pink backpack in her hands.

“I colored you a picture at Miss Karen’s and I got to watch a princess movie!” the girl replies excitedly.

Gwen holds onto her tightly and then turns to the woman. “Thanks for dropping her off, Karen.”

“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow,” the woman replies before setting the backpack down on the floor. “Bye, Emma!”

The girl turns in Gwen’s arms and waves. “Bye, Miss Karen!”

As the woman leaves, Gwen sets the girl down and she immediately walks over to me.

“Who are you?” she asks, looking up at me.

“I was just going to ask you the same thing.”

I look over at Gwen with my eyebrow raised. How in the hell did Brady never mention his sister had a kid? I don’t like kids. They’re small and they talk too much.

“This is Mr. Austin. And he was just leaving,” Gwen says, looking pointedly at me.

Yeah, I don’t think so.

“Austin is the capital of Texas. Do you like pink? My favorite color is pink.”

Bending down to get a better look at the little pipsqueak, I see she has the exact same gray colored eyes as her mother, the same smattering of freckles over her nose and the same dark brown hair. Gwen though, has added a few streaks of blue and purple to hers and I’m not gonna lie, it’s hot as fuck.

“You’re pretty smart for a kid. What are you, like twelve or something?”

Glancing up, I see Gwen giving me the stink-eye.

“You’re funny,” Emma says with a laugh. “I’m six. My mom says I’m really smart. Are you smart? Do you have a job?”

Gwen snorts and now it’s my turn to glare at her before looking back at Emma. “I’m a genius. And I’m also a Navy SEAL, which makes me pretty bad ass.”

Emma holds her hand out in front of me and taps her foot. “One dollar, please.”

Pushing myself up to my full height, I stare down at her in confusion. “Uh, one dollar for what?”

“One dollar for the swear jar. You said a bad word. Every time my mom says a bad word I get a dollar for my college fund,” Emma replies without missing a beat.

Awww shit. That’s right. You’re not supposed to swear in front of kids.

With a sigh, I reach into my back pocket and pull out my wallet, forking over a five. “Here, keep the change. I’m sure I’ll be putting you through college in no time.”

Emma snatches the five out of my hand and runs over to Gwen. Little Miss Perfect over there probably never swears in front of her kid. And now she’s got one more thing to add to her ever-growing list of reasons why she hates me and doesn’t want me here.

“Look, mom! I got five dollars. That makes a total of…”

I watch as Emma tries to calculate in her head, scrunching up her face and thinking really hard. It would be kind of cute if I thought kids were cute. Which I don’t. At all.

“That brings you up to sixty-two dollars,” Gwen tells her quietly.

I can’t help the bark of laughter that bursts out of me. “Well, well, well. Looks like someone has a potty mouth.”

Gwen huffs, taking the five dollars from Emma and sticking it into the front pocket of her jeans. “You’re forgetting we live with my brother. Uncle Brady isn’t used to living with a little girl, right Emma?”

Emma giggles and shakes her head at Gwen. “Last week you gave me twenty dollars when you were trying to fix the leak under the kitchen sink. And the week before that you gave me ten dollars when you dropped a big book on your toe. And the day before that-”

Gwen immediately cuts her off by placing her palm over Emma’s mouth. I think I might be changing my mind on my opinion of kids. Staring at Gwen challengingly, I wait for her to explain.

She sighs. “It’s been a bad couple of weeks. Emma, why don’t you take your bag into the back room and get started on your homework?”

Gwen removes her hand from Emma’s mouth and the little girl smiles up at me before scooping up her backpack and racing off to the back room.

When Emma is gone, I watch as Gwen nervously fiddles with things on Brady’s desk. She rearranges a cup full of pens, moves a legal pad to an opposite corner and straightens the desk calendar that doesn’t need straightening – anything she can do to avoid looking at me.

After a few minutes, I decide to break the silence. “Cute kid you got there.”

She finally turns to face me and gone is the irritation that’s been there since I walked through the door. She suddenly looks small and vulnerable. Looks like I finally found the one thing, or person, who can melt this woman’s heart of stone.

“Where’s the father?” I ask curiously.

I know Gwen lives with Brady and she doesn’t have a ring on her finger, so obviously there isn’t a man in the picture.

“That’s none of your business,” she replies haughtily.

Poor guy probably couldn’t stand to be around her bad attitude for more than one night; I feel his pain.

“Hey, I’m just trying to make conversation. We’re going to be working together so we might as well get to know each other,” I tell her with a smile.

“There’s nothing you need to know about myself or my daughter. And how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want you here?” She asks angrily.

“Look, I could give a rat’s ass if you want me here or not. I’m staying, end of. Your brother is worried and it must be for a good reason. This isn’t just you we’re talking about here. You’ve got a kid, much to my amazement. If you’re too stubborn to let me look out for you, at least I can keep an eye on her.”

I watch as anger flares in her eyes at the mention of Emma. Her hands ball into fists at her sides and her breathing picks up, her chest heaving with barely concealed fury. “I can look after my daughter just fine without your help. She’s my responsibility and I will keep her safe on my own, just like I’ve done for her entire life. Go. Away.”

Jesus Christ, I’ve never even met al-Qaeda members who were this annoying.

At least she’s got one thing going for her – she’s consistently a bitch. I can handle bitchy Gwen. That whole scene with her freaking out and spilling coffee is out of my comfort zone. She looked scared to death and helpless. It took everything in me not to pull her into my arms and tell her everything would be okay. That alone should have me running out of here like my ass is on fire. I don’t do touchy-feely, comforting shit. Good to know she seems to be the type of person who would rather chew off her own arm than accept comfort from someone else.

“Darlin’, you can tell me to leave until you’re blue in the face. I’m not going anywhere until Brady comes home, so get that stick out of your ass and get used to it,” I tell her, flopping down on the chair at Brady’s desk and clasping my hands behind my head.

With a frustrated growl, she turns and stomps off to the back room.

As I stare at her ass in those tight jeans until she disappears from sight, I can’t help but wonder what the fuck her deal is. How can someone so small be full of so much piss and vinegar? At least one good thing will come of her being such a bitch – I won’t be tempted to sleep with her anytime soon. I prefer a woman to use her tongue on me for pleasure, not making me miserable with her verbal lashes.

Brady is going to owe me big time for this shit.

Chapter 4

Gwen

“Come on, asshole, give me the money shot.”

I stare through the zoom lens of my camera at Mr. Bradford, standing in the parking lot of a Harley Davidson dealership. Mr. Bradford, a fifty-two-year old foreman at a local car manufacturing plant, “slipped and fell” at work and has been collecting workman’s comp for the last four weeks. Supposedly, the spill he took at work slipped two disks in his back that have been causing him extreme pain. Strange how someone who is supposedly in so much agony that he can no longer work, is thinking about purchasing a motorcycle.

Under normal circumstances, just buying a motorcycle wouldn’t be cause for alarm, but if this idiot gets on the bike and drives away, he’s toast. While I wait for Mr. Bradford to negotiate with a salesman, I can’t help but think about the previous day at the office. I can’t believe Brady had the nerve to send Austin to keep an eye on me without letting me know. I’m going to kill him. I get where he’s coming from – he’s been on edge ever since I told him I was filing for divorce, but this really wasn’t the way to go about calming his nerves. If William hasn’t tried to contact me by now, I doubt he ever will. Having Austin under foot every day until Brady gets back is just going to make things worse. I don’t know what it is about him that puts me so on edge and I don’t like it. I don’t like how I want to punch the smug look off of his face one minute and kiss him the next. He’s hot – there’s no denying that fact. His body looks like it was carved out of stone and my fingers itch to touch the muscles on his chest. These conflicting feelings just piss me off and I can’t help but be a total bitch around him so he’ll just go away and I won’t have to worry about the things I’m feeling. I have no business wanting any man, especially a friend of my brother.

I couldn’t help but be a little hurt that Austin had no idea I have a child. I just can’t believe that Brady never mentioned it to him. I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised, since Brady didn’t even know I had a child until I showed up at his apartment a few months ago. Turning my back on him all those years ago when he left for the Navy had hurt him deeply, but I was the one left behind to deal with our parents day in and day out. I was the one they transferred every single expectation onto in Brady’s absence. I wasn’t able to run away like he did, not until I had a child of my own and knew I would do whatever it took to keep her safe.

I really wasn’t surprised by the look on Austin’s face when Emma ran into the office. Men like him are a dime a dozen. They’re all over you until they find out you’re a single mother and then they head for the hills. And yet, Austin took the time to talk to Emma. I’m sure it was just a ploy to butter me up so I’d agree to let him hang around the office.

Emma had a million questions for me after we left Austin, and those questions led to questions about her father. Why doesn’t he call or come to visit, does he miss her, can she write him a letter… Ever since I left William, I’ve done nothing but second-guess my decision. Even though he did everything he could to break me, he was always a decent father to Emma. He never laid a hand on her and up until the night I left, he always made sure she was never around when his anger got out of control.

Maybe enough time has passed… maybe the fact that he isn’t contesting the divorce is proof enough that he’s okay with me leaving him and he can be a part of Emma’s life again. I never wanted to take her away from him, but I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t survive one more day with him. I knew if I spent even one more hour in the same house as him, there would be nothing left of me.

My cell phone rings and without pulling the camera away from my face, I reach blindly into the center console and answer it.

“Hello, Gwendolyn.”

The sound of my mother’s smooth, cultured voice makes me sit up straighter so I’m not slouching. Even after months of being out of her presence, my automatic response to her voice is still the same.

“Mother, this is a surprise. I didn’t expect to hear from you until next week,” I tell her.

Even though I skipped town without a word to anyone, and never told my parents where I was going, over the last month or so I reached out to my mother. To say Brady was pissed is an understatement. He didn’t trust them at all. When they found out he wanted to go into the military instead of following in our father’s footsteps of becoming a lawyer, they pretty much disowned him and he hasn’t spoken to them since. As angry as I am with them for pushing me towards William and for never believing my accusations of abuse, they’re still my parents. I needed to at least let them know that Emma and I were alive, even if I couldn’t tell them where we were.

“I know, but I had some news I wanted to tell you,” my mother answers. “I really think it’s time for you to put an end to this foolishness and come home. There are things happening here that you need to fix.”

There’s a reason why my mother and I only speak on the phone every two weeks. I can only handle so much of her guilt and refusal to understand the life I left behind.

I ignore her demand to come home. “What’s going on?”

She sighs into the phone and if I was in the same room with her, I’m sure she would be sitting at the island in the kitchen with her fingers against her temples, like what she has to tell me is causing her a great deal of stress.

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but William is seeing someone.”

She pauses dramatically and I’m sure she’s expecting me to burst into tears or rage at the unfairness of it all. Hearing this news, I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’m definitely not sad. If anything, I’m relived. The fact that he’s left me alone all this time makes more sense now.

“Did you hear me, Gwendolyn? I said, William is dating someone else,” she reiterates.

“I heard you mother. I’m not really sure what you expect me to say. I’ve filed for divorce. He’s free to date anyone he likes,” I remind her, pulling the camera away from my face and resting my head on the seat back.

“You’ve made your point. The two of you had a few problems and you left. Obviously he’s hurting so badly that he needed comfort. It’s time for you to come home and work things out. You need to stop thinking about yourself for once and put your family back together,” she tells me.

I take a few deep breaths to calm myself before replying. Screaming at my mother will accomplish nothing. No matter how many times I try to explain things to her, she never listens; she never hears me. She’s so in love with the idea of me being married to one of the top surgeons in New York and the prestige that comes with it, she doesn’t even care that her only daughter spent year after year in her own private hell.

“If this is how our conversations are going to go each time we speak, then I really don’t see the need to continue putting up with this every other week. You know why I left; you just don’t want to accept it. I’m not coming home, mother. And if you want to continue being in your granddaughter’s life, you’ll respect my wishes and stop trying to make me feel guilty.”

I hate using Emma against her, but at this point, it’s the only way to make her see reason.

“There’s no need to be that way, Gwendolyn. Of course I want to be in Emma’s life and yours as well. I just don’t understand all of this nonsense,” she replies with a sigh.

“And herein lies our problem. Having your husband put you down with his words and his fists for ten years isn’t nonsense. Look, I have to go. I’ll have Emma call you next week.”

I end the call before she can say anything else, tossing my cell phone angrily onto the passenger seat and bringing the camera back up to my face. I push my mother’s words out of my mind as I see Mr. Bradford swing his leg over the seat of a brand new Harley. The click of the shutter release echoes through my car as I take over fifty pictures of him starting up the motorcycle, pulling out of the dealership and gunning it top speed down the street.

Once he’s out of sight, I pull the camera way from my face and quickly scan through the photos. These should be good enough for the plant to take to their lawyer and put an end to their weekly payments to Mr. Bradford. A man with that many problems and in so much pain shouldn’t be able to drive a Harley.

There’s nothing like the feeling of closing a case. When Brady first asked me to help out at the office, I had no idea what I was doing. Now, I’m out on jobs and doing investigations on my own. William never let me have a job. He was adamant that I stay home and be at his beck and call. Being able to come and go as I please and have a job I love is the best feeling in the world.

Setting the camera down on the passenger seat, I start up my car and drive a few blocks to the grocery store to pick up a few things before Emma gets home from school. As I walk up and down the aisles, throwing random things into the cart, I stop in my tracks in the soup aisle when something makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. The overwhelming feeling of being watched fills me and I whip my head around nervously. I’m the only one in the aisle. I shake my head at my foolishness and turn back around, pushing my cart to the next aisle. The feeling of being followed lingers and I rub the goose bumps off of my arms, looking over my shoulder every few minutes as I finish my shopping.

It’s probably just because of the conversation I had with my mother. Thinking about William always leaves me feeling uneasy. Just because I had to put my whereabouts on the divorce papers, doesn’t mean he would come here and find me. My lawyer assured me that William agreed to the divorce without complaint and said that he would do whatever I asked to make things happen smoothly and without publicity. He knows that at any moment, I could out him to his colleagues as an abuser. His reputation would never recover.

Shoving aside the nerves, I load up my car with the bags of groceries and head home to Emma. Another call to my lawyer just to make sure William is still in New York probably wouldn’t hurt.

Chapter 5

Austin

Brady gave me an extra key to his office months ago in case of emergency. I never thought I would be happy to use this thing, but arriving at the dark office an hour before Gwen has its benefits – like snooping through her files, for instance. Not only do I want to see what kind of jobs Brady has going on right now, I want to see what kind of “personal issues” Gwen has. I’m pretty sure she won’t keep a list of said issues in her desk drawer, but you never know.

My cell phone buzzes, bouncing across the desk and I quickly grab it.

“Hey, asshole, how’s country living?”

I laugh when I hear Cole Vargas, the fourth member of our SEAL team, on the other end of the line. Cole took some mandatory time off after our mission in the Dominican last year to heal. We went to the Dominican to help our SEAL brother Garrett rescue the love of his life and his best friend, Parker. She was taken by a nasty son of a bitch and by the time we got to her, she had sustained a shit ton of injuries. While she was in the hospital, she became friends with Olivia, one of her nurses. Cole fell in love with Olivia and they settled down in California where she still works as a nurse.

Even though he’s living it up with a good woman in Cali, he’s never been the same since our time in the Dominican. Two of his best friends from the Naval Academy were killed right in front of him. He puts up a good front about being happy with his new, slow-paced beach life, but I know better. He’ll never be happy until the people who killed his friends are six feet under. The few times I’ve brought up the subject, he’s bitten my head off, so we both just pretend like it’s not an issue right now. One of these days though, he’s going to explode from keeping all of that shit bottled up.

“It’s not eight-thousand degrees in the middle of the desert with a rucksack on my back and an M-16 in my hands, but it will have to do,” I admit with a chuckle.

“I can’t believe you gave up a recon mission in Iraq to babysit Brady’s kid sister. Has the state of Tennessee taken a chunk out of your already tiny brain?”

Ignoring Cole’s barb, I immediately wonder how the hell he knows I was supposed to go to Baghdad, but turned the orders down to take some personal time.

“Care to tell me how your civilian ass knew about Iraq?” I question as I lean back in Gwen’s chair and kick my feet up on her desk.

“I may or may not have talked to Risner the other day.”

Hearing that Cole talked to our Captain is more than a little shocking. Last I knew he wanted to forget about the Navy and just enjoy his woman. I knew it would only be a matter of time before he came back.

“And what does Olivia have to say about this?” I question.

Olivia Laferriere is honestly the nicest woman I’ve ever met. She also doesn’t take shit from anyone and can hold her own in a room full of SEALS, but I know she’s the main reason behind Cole’s leave of absence. She doesn’t like the idea of her man going off into the unknown and possibly never coming home.

“Olivia doesn’t know,” Cole responds after a few quiet moments.

Well, that explains it.

“Enough about my shit. Seriously, what the hell are you doing in Tennessee?”

With a sigh, I explain to Cole about the phone call I received from Brady.

“Huh, so that’s it? You’re supposed to just sit on your ass and keep an eye on Gwen? Suddenly, sitting here on the deck staring out at the ocean seems like a party compared to what you’re doing,” Cole laughs.

“Fuck you. Speaking of Gwen, what do you know about her?”

Cole and Brady went to the same high school. It never even occurred to me until now that I probably should have just asked him what the deal was with her. Brady would only tell me what I needed to know and Gwen obviously isn’t going to give up the goods.

“I haven’t seen her in years. She was a few years younger than us in school so I never hung out with her or anything,” Cole explains. “She was pretty shy and quiet, blonde hair down to her ass, did whatever her parents told her to do. She married some big wig doctor back in New York and turned into the socialite her mother always wanted her to be.”

Are we talking about the same person? The Gwen I know has purple and blue streaks in her hair, a nose piercing and a mouth like a trucker. That’s a far cry from being an ass-kissing social climber.

“I was kind of surprised to hear she skipped town with her kid a few months ago and never told anyone,” Cole continues. “Definitely not something the Gwen I knew would do.”

Jesus Christ, what the fuck has Brady gotten me involved in? Even though I want to ask Cole a million questions, something now feels wrong about prying into Gwen’s life without her knowing. I’d much rather have her tell me what the fuck is going on. I end the call with Cole, making him promise to let me know the minute he decides what the hell he’s planning on doing with his life.

Forty-five minutes later, after sorting through all of the customer files in Gwen’s desk, I’m bored sitting around waiting for her to come to work so I make my way to the back room where I know Brady has a heavy bag hanging from the ceiling and a stack of free weights.

Wrapping up my hands with some of the boxing tape Brady left on the floor by the weights, I take my frustrations out on the bag, beating the shit out of it until I work up a good sweat. It was good to talk to Cole again, but doing so always brings up bad memories that are better left buried. With every punch to the bag, scenes from the past flash through my mind.

“Vargas, man, they’re dead. We have to leave them.”

Punch.

“You need to pull it together right now. We have to get the fuck out of here!”

Punch-punch.

“You can’t save them. They both took a bullet between the eyes. I’m not about to let that happen to you so get the fuck up and let’s go!”

Punch-punch-punch.

Pushing aside the memories, I hit the bag so hard that my hands sting and the muscles in my arms burn, but it doesn’t matter. The pain in my body takes away the pain in my heart from seeing one of my best friends completely lose it in the field, cradling the dead body of one of his friends to him and rocking back and forth in a daze. I need the distraction of being here, helping Brady out so I can forget about how one of the strongest SEALs I’ve ever met broke down and has never been the same since.

“What the hell are you doing?”

At the sound of Gwen’s angry shout, my arms pause mid-punch. I didn’t even hear her come in. Fuck, I’m losing it. I’m a SEAL, people aren’t supposed to sneak up on me. She’s like a Goddamn ninja.

“I was working, then I got bored waiting for you,” I tell her, glancing at my watch. “You’re fifteen minutes late.”

She slams her purse down on the table by the door and stalks around to the other side of the heavy bag. She’s wearing her usual uniform of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt that hugs her body. Just once I’d like to see her wearing something skimpy that shows a little skin and a lot of cleavage.

Fuck, I need to get laid.

“How the hell did you get in here?” she asks me angrily as I begin unwrapping the tape from my hands.

I ignore her question. “So, I’ve been bringing myself up to speed this morning. You got some good shots of Bradford on the Harley.”

She glares up at me and I smile back.

“I thought we agreed you were going to leave me alone,” she complains, crossing her arms in front of her.

“We didn’t agree on anything. I smartly kept my mouth shut so you’d stop nagging me. If you’d rather, I could go pick your kid up from school and teach her some new words.”

She groans in frustration and walks out of the room. Tossing the pile of tape into the trashcan, I follow her out to her desk.

“Did you go through my files?” she asks in irritation, sorting through the folders on her desk.

“Well, since I’m going to be working here, I needed to see what you have going on. Don Bradford is a lying sack of shit, April Marcum is a cheating whore and Chris Speedman makes enough money to finally start paying his wife child support.”

She ignores me, stacking and restacking all of the files since obviously I didn’t put them back as perfectly as she left them, so I continue. “I also checked the calendar. Looks like we have a stakeout later today to catch another cheating spouse. Do you want to drive or should I?”

Gwen finally stops playing with the files and huffs. “You’re not going with me.”

I just smile at her. “Fine, I’ll go with you to your hair appointment and make sure you don’t do something stupid like go back to blonde.”

Oops. I’m not supposed to know that.

Her head jerks up and she looks at me wide-eyed. “How the hell do you know I used to be a blonde?”

I shrug. No sense in telling her Cole spilled some of her secrets. I’d much rather have her assume I’m onto her.

“Just a hunch. For the record, I like the blue and purple. It’s hot and makes you look like you could kick some ass. You’d look like a Stepford Wife if you were blonde,” I tell her with a laugh, hoping the ‘wife’ comment will get her to admit something about the poor guy she left behind in New York.

Her shoulders lose their tension and I actually wonder if she’s letting her guard down. She cocks her head to the side and stares up at me with those gorgeous gray eyes and runs her fingers through her shoulder-length dark hair self-consciously. My dick stands at attention when I think what that hair would feel like skimming across my thighs.

Oh, hell no! There will be none of that shit going on. Time to douse some cold water on everything.

“You do know that it’s my job to find out things, right? I know you ran away from New York with your tail between your legs and have been hiding out here with your brother. What happened? Mommy and Daddy not paying enough attention to you? Or maybe the guy you left behind finally decided you weren’t worth the trouble and kicked you to the curb.”

The softness in her eyes immediately vanishes and is replaced with hurt. I have a moment of regret for saying what I did, but I don’t have time for this bullshit. We can either keep playing this stupid little game or she can tell me what the fuck is going on and why I’m here instead of out on a mission where there’s real danger.

Instead of throwing a sarcastic comment my way like she usually does, Gwen turns away from me and heads to the door.

“I need to run some errands. You can sit at Brady’s desk and go through his files until it’s time to head out and do the tail in a few hours.”

And just like that, she shuts me down. Guess I probably should have went with my first instinct and continued to grill Cole about her. It would have been much easier than trying to pry the truth out of Gwen.

Chapter 6

Gwen

After an hour spent walking around downtown Nashville avoiding Austin for a little bit, I finally decide to suck it up and head back to the office to face him. One minute he’s being a smartass and the next he’s complimenting my hair and making me feel special. And then he goes right back to being a jerk by making that ‘mommy and daddy’ comment and the dig about my relationship with William. I was stupid to think he wouldn’t look into my background and I could just send him packing. At least he doesn’t know everything. Maybe I should just tell him – that would certainly shut him up. Tell him how up until the night I left, my husband would only hit me in places where no one could see the bruises; inform him that my parents don’t care what that ‘poor guy’ put me through, as long as I come back home so they don’t look bad in front of their friends.

As much as I want to wipe that smug look off of Austin’s face, I don’t want to see it replaced with pity. Every single day I look at myself in the mirror I worry about what people see, what my daughter sees. I want her to be proud of me for the choices I made and I want to be strong for her. I can’t do that if I’m surrounded by people who feel sorry for me. It’s why I’ve never told Brady everything that happened. Showing up at his place in the middle of the night with a busted jaw, broken ribs and a shattered arm was more than enough truth for him.

When I’m a block away from the building, my phone vibrates in my hand. Checking the display, I see that it’s Karen.

Brady introduced me to Karen, who lives across the hall in his apartment building, right after Emma and I moved in. She’s a retired widow in her sixties who raised six children that are now grown and scattered across the country. Emma took to her immediately and Karen jumped at the chance to watch her during the day while Brady and I were working. Most days she refuses to take any money from me and tells me that Emma keeps her young and eases her loneliness and that’s payment enough. Karen was a lifesaver when I was working as a waitress after I first got here and barely had two nickels to rub together.

“Hey Karen, what’s going on? Is Emma okay?” I ask as I wait by the crosswalk for the light to change.

“Hello dear, Emma’s fine. We just got home from an exhausting few hours at the park. Poor thing fell asleep as soon as she sat down on my couch,” Karen tells me with a laugh.

The light changes and I look both ways before crossing the street, smiling when I picture Emma talking Karen’s ear off and then crashing mid-sentence.

“I hate to worry you or anything, but I promised you I would let you know if anything strange happened while Emma was with me,” Karen tells me, all the humor gone from her voice.

I stop in the middle of the sidewalk, my hand gripping the phone tightly. Karen saw me several times in the hall of our apartment building right after I showed up on Brady’s doorstep in the middle of the night. She saw the bruises and the cast, but never asked any questions. When she agreed to watch Emma a month later, she took my hands in hers and told me that it wouldn’t always be this hard. She told me that she would never pry into my personal life, but if I ever needed someone to talk to she would always be available. As much as I wanted to trust her with my secrets, I just couldn’t. It was hard enough to trust someone else with my daughter. I did, however, tell her to let me know if anything strange ever happened when she was with Emma. It didn’t matter how big or how small, if it seemed off, she was to tell me right away. Karen agreed without question. Each day I get to know her more, it makes me wish my mother could show even half the compassion that Karen does.

“What happened?” I ask in a shaky voice.

Karen sighs. “At first I didn’t think anything of it. Emma was on the swings and I was a few feet away on a bench watching her. After a little while she came running up to me and she told me that there was a man looking at her. When she pointed to where he was, there was no one there. I just chalked it up to her little imagination going wild and sent her back to play. When we were walking home, I noticed a car going real slow down the street past us. I didn’t think anything of it until the car rolled past us again and I realized I had seen the same car parked near the playground when we got there.”

I can’t stop my hands from shaking. “Did you see who was driving?”

“I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman, they were wearing a hat and glasses. I’m not sure it’s the same person Emma saw watching her at the park, but I thought it would be best to tell you,” Karen replies.

It’s a miracle I can speak without crying, but I manage to thank her and tell her I’ll be home early from work. Right now all I can think about is getting home to my baby and holding her. I hate to do this to Emma, but for the time being, trips to the park are going to have to be put on hold. This could just be a coincidence, but I can’t take that chance.

I take a few moments to calm my racing heart and, with a deep breath and a lift of my chin, I fling open the door to the office and walk inside, tamping down my nerves over Karen’s phone call and preparing to face whatever Austin throws at me. I stop in my tracks when I see the empty office. The unoccupied room isn’t what makes my heart speed up and my hands shake, though. On the edge of my desk are five coffee mugs from the kitchenette, each one turned so that their handles are facing in the exact same direction. Those mugs weren’t on my desk when I left an hour ago, and even if they were, I would NEVER place them like that next to each other. I feel like a fool for standing here freaking out over a couple of cups, but it’s impossible not to when I think back to one particular day so many years ago…

As I finished emptying the dishwasher, I walked over to the fridge and pulled out the makings for a sandwich. I figured while William was working from home today I would make him lunch and take it upstairs to him in his office. I flipped on the radio attached to the underside of one of the kitchen cabinets and began to hum along to the music as I made his favorite – bologna and Swiss with mustard.

I hadn’t realized that William walked into the kitchen until I heard the crash of a glass breaking against the kitchen counter. I jumped and turned around, dropping the knife covered in mustard to the floor.

“What the hell is this mess?” William asked, holding the cabinet door next to the microwave open.

I quickly bent to pick up the knife and tossed it into the sink as I made my way over to him to see what he was so upset about. I stared at the shelves in the cupboard, filled with coffee cups.

“I-I just emptied the dishwasher, they’re all clean,” I told him softly, confused that maybe a dirty one had gotten in there by mistake.

In a flash, his hand was around the back of my neck in a painfully tight grip as he shoved my face closer to the shelves.

“The handles aren’t facing out. How many fucking times do I have to tell you that all of the handles should be facing the same way?” he shouts.

He joked about it once. ONCE when we first got married he asked if it was too much work to turn the coffee mugs around so he could grab the handles. We laughed about it. Right here in this very spot we laughed about his coffee mug OCD and then we made love on the kitchen floor.

Before I could reply, he shoved me away from him and began turning all of the mugs so that the handles faced the same direction.

“I’m sorry. I thought you were joking,” I whispered.

I’m so confused by his actions that I barely had time to react when his hand wrapped around one of the mugs and he turned and hurtled it in my direction. I quickly shielded my face with my hands and the ceramic cup smacked into the top of my hand, hitting me with enough force that I cried out in pain as the cup crashed to the floor in a pile of broken pieces. I bit my lip to stop the tears from falling as I stood in the kitchen in shock and cradled my sore hand to my chest. I stared at William as he turned around all of the coffee mugs in the cabinet so they were in one, uniform row.

“Next time, don’t be so stupid. The handles should all face the same way.”

Before I even know what’s happening, I’m stalking across the office and swiping my hand across the top of my desk. The mugs are sent flying to the floor, each one smashing against the tile as I stand there shaking with fury, staring at the mess I just made.

“Just because you’re pissed at me doesn’t mean you need to take it out on the coffee cups.”

I whip around and the smile on Austin’s face dies when he sees me.

“Did you put those on my desk? Why did you put them there like that?” I ask frantically as I turn away from him and begin picking up the shattered pieces.

I hear him walk up behind me, but I ignore him.

“The handles can’t face out, they can’t face out,” I whisper to myself.

My throat gets tight and I blink back the tears as I pick up every single piece, piling them in my hands and not paying attention to the tiny cuts I’m making on my skin as I clutch tightly to the broken shards.

I jump when I feel Austin’s hands on my shoulders. “Hey, come on, it’s just a couple of cups.”

His voice is soft and comforting and it should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I know in my mind I’m not behaving rationally, but I can’t make myself stop. I shrug out of his grasp and quickly stand, dumping the handfuls of glass into the trashcan next to my desk. I stare down at the pile at the bottom of the can in a trance and swipe angrily at a tear that falls down my cheek. When I pull my hand away from my face, the dots of blood on my palm catch my eye. I hold both of my hands up and stare unblinking at the cuts.

“Don’t do that again, the cups don’t belong like that,” I mutter, watching as a tiny river of blood makes its way down to the edge of my hand.

Austin is suddenly in front of me with his hands holding gently to my cheeks, lifting my head up to meet his eyes. His face is filled with confusion as he searches my face for answers. “Gwen, what the fuck? I didn’t do anything with the cups, I was out getting coffee.”

I glance over at my desk and see a paper cup from Starbucks sitting on the edge. His hands slide down off my face and he wraps them around both of my wrists, gently pulling me towards him.

I’m too busy thinking about the past and the memories I wish I could forever erase from my mind forever to worry about him touching me.

“Jesus Christ, you’re bleeding,” he mumbles as he drops one of my hands and wraps his arm around my waist.

My legs move robotically as he leads me over to the sink against the back wall of the office. He doesn’t say a word as he runs cold water, holding my hands under the steady stream until all the blood has washed down the drain. He silently pulls a towel from the top drawer next to the sink and gently pats both of my hands dry. I watch what he’s doing and have to bite back more tears.

What the hell is happening to me?

I can’t do this. I can’t fall apart like this, especially around Austin. I can’t be this weak, pathetic person around him or he’ll just jump right in and take advantage of the situation. I’m not that woman anymore. I don’t fall apart at the drop of a hat and I don’t let people walk all over me. Maybe he put those cups on my desk as a joke, not realizing what it would do to me, or maybe he didn’t. Either way, I can’t let him take care of me like I’m some wounded animal. I’ve fought hard these past couple of months to stop being such an insecure, cowardly person. I can take care of myself.

Pulling my hands out of his grip, I turn away from him and walk back to my desk.

“Gwen, what the hell just-”

Cutting him off, I pick up my purse and head towards the door. “If you’re coming with me, let’s go. I have to be outside the Sunset Motel in twenty minutes if I want to get a good shot of Connor Anderson with his mistress.”

I’m sure he expects an explanation for what just happened, but he isn’t going to get one. I still don’t even understand what the hell happened. Did I freak out over the coffee mugs because that phone call from Karen has got me tied up in knots, wondering if William really isn’t planning to let go of us that easily? What if that was him following Emma and Karen? What if he somehow found out where I work and came in here while Brady was gone to mess with me? It seems absurd that he would go to such lengths, but I wouldn’t put anything past him.

As I walk out into the afternoon sunshine and head towards my car, I kind of hope Austin will decide to stay at the office instead of going through with this stupid promise of his to Brady to keep an eye on me. I need some time alone to call my lawyer and to clear my head without Austin staring at me like I’m a bug under a microscope.

Chapter 7

Austin

We’ve been sitting outside the Sunset Motel in Gwen’s car for twenty minutes and neither one of us has said a word. She’s pretending like nothing happened, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to keep letting her shut me out. Obviously, my usual charm and finesse isn’t going to work on her; I’m going to have to use another tactic. The only problem? I know next to nothing about communicating with a woman unless we’re naked and I’m telling her to fuck me harder. Coercing someone to talk to me on the job usually involves them being tied to a chair with a gun to their head. Something tells me Gwen wouldn’t respond well to either one of those options.

What’s that old saying – you catch more flies with honey or some shit? Maybe if I give a little something of myself she’ll give me something of her. Doesn’t that touchy-feely childhood shit usually work on chicks?

“This motel reminds me of one I used to live in when I was thirteen. I bet they even have the same green shag carpet and piss stains on the bathroom floor.”

I glance over at her in the passenger seat and she continues to stare out the window at the second floor balcony with her camera resting in her lap.

“My foster mom at the time ran the motel,” I continue. “It was actually the one and only place I ever lived that I kind of liked.”

She closes her eyes for a second and slowly turns to face me. “You actually lived in a motel?”

I shrug and bend my head down to look through the windshield at the room where Connor Anderson is currently banging his flavor of the week. “For about a month, until it was time to move on to the next place. I had to help clean the rooms to earn my keep. It’s where I learned all of my stellar housekeeping skills.”

Leaning back in my seat, I grin at her and she returns the smile. I don’t tell her the part about how I would get smacked upside the head if I didn’t fold the sheets right or how I’d get kicked in the leg if I forgot to put new rolls of toilet paper under the bathroom sinks. No sense in ruining the moment.

“My best friend, Ellie Larson, grew up in a foster home, but she stayed with the same family until they eventually adopted her,” Gwen tells me.

“Good for her. That’s actually pretty rare. Most kids get bounced around, especially if they’re older when they go into the system. I was five, so technically not old, but older than most people wanted. Everyone wants a perfect, tiny baby, not a mouthy kid who craves attention.”

Gwen rests back against her seat and stares at me. I wonder what she’s thinking. I don’t want her to feel bad for me because I had a shitty childhood. I’m sure she doesn’t know the first thing about growing up with folks who didn’t give a rat’s ass about you and only cared about themselves.

“Was it really bad for you? I mean…did people hurt you?” she asks quietly.

I mirror her pose and lean back in my seat. “Nothing I couldn’t handle. For the most part, I learned to stay out of the way and keep quiet and they left me alone.”

I can’t believe I’m actually telling her this shit. Even though I left out all the gory details, I’m still giving her more information than I’ve ever given any woman.

She studies me intently for a few seconds before shifting her gaze to a spot over my shoulder, unblinking and staring at nothing. “Sometimes, even when you’re so quiet you could disappear, that’s when they hurt you the most.”

She sounds so matter-of-fact that I instantly want to pull her across the seat into my arms and tell her everything will be okay. I don’t like how familiar she sounds with this subject. It makes my gut clench in anger that she’s ever felt even a tiny bit of the pain I did growing up. I’m so shocked by her admission that I sit here in silence like an idiot instead of asking her to explain herself. Too soon the moment is lost and Gwen is blinking out of her daze, quickly pulling her camera up to her eye.

“There he is. Mr. Anderson is coming out of his room,” she says aloud, holding the camera steady while pressing the button on the side of it to zoom in.

I watch her work, silently snapping a ton of pictures as the guy walks out onto the balcony with his suit jacket draped over one arm. A tall, leggy blonde that is most definitely NOT Mrs. Anderson walks out behind him in a skimpy black cocktail dress. She leans against the doorframe and they exchange a few words before Mr. Anderson leans in, kisses her and grabs her ass.

“Bingo! I got you, you cheating bastard,” Gwen mutters.

I smile to myself as I watch her face light up with excitement as she continues to take pictures of the ass grab and face-sucking going on right in broad daylight. Gone is the haunted look on her face from moments ago and I realize that Brady was a smart man to put his sister in charge of his business while he was gone. She’s good at what she does and she obviously loves it. It makes me wonder what she did before this – what kind of job she used to have, what kind of life she used to live. Thanks to Cole I know she was married to a surgeon and the dude probably had a shit ton of money. She probably didn’t need to work, but Gwen doesn’t strike me as the type of person to be a housewife, just sitting around twiddling her thumbs.

“So what did you do for a living before you moved here?” I ask as she pulls the camera away and looks at the digital screen.

She clears her throat uncomfortably and for a minute I think she’s going to ignore me. She takes a while before she answers. “I didn’t work, really. I mean, I was busy; I did a lot of things for charity and stuff like that, but I didn’t have a paying job. God, that makes me sound awful.”

She shakes her head in irritation as she scrolls through the pictures she just took and, as much as I want to make a comment about her being spoiled, I keep my mouth shut. I’m slowly realizing there’s more to Gwen than I originally thought and I don’t want to ruin the moment by being an asshole.

Shocker, I know.

“I realize you don’t have a very high opinion of me and you think I’m a spoiled brat. It’s not like I didn’t want to work. I just… wasn’t able to,” she finishes.

“You weren’t able to? Do you have a wooden leg or a lobotomy I’m unaware of?” I ask with a laugh.

“Ha, ha. You’re hilarious,” she tells me before starting up the car. “We need to get back to the office so I can print these pictures off and show them to Mrs. Anderson.”

And just like that, sharing time is over.

When we get back to the office, while Gwen is busy printing the photos and calling Mrs. Anderson to schedule a meeting, I go outside and pull out my phone. Brady answers on the first ring.

“What’s going on, is something wrong?” he asks in a worried voice.

“No, Mr. World Traveler, nothing is wrong. How’s tour bus life treating you?” I ask as I pace back and forth in front of the building.

“Cramped, shitty food and not a lot of sleep, but it’s good. Layla is doing amazing. Every venue has been sold out,” he tells me with admiration.

I look through the front window and see Gwen on the phone with her back to me. “Listen, I need to ask you something about your sister.”

Brady is quiet so I quickly continue. “What’s the deal with her? You need to tell me why I’m here and what’s really going on. It’s more than her just having a little ‘personal shit’ and you wanting to make sure your business runs smoothly, isn’t it?”

Brady lets out a deep sigh and I wait for his explanation.

“Look, I’m probably just being a protective older brother and I’m sure she’s pissed at me, but you’re right. It has nothing to do with the business. I know she’s perfectly capable of running that place with her eyes closed,” he admits.

“So, what is it? What the fuck is going on with her?” I demand.

“You just need to trust me, man. She was… let’s just say she didn’t leave New York under the best circumstances. I don’t know everything, but I know enough. It was bad, Austin, really bad. I’d tell you if I could, but I just can’t do that to her. It’s her story to tell. She’s been through enough and it’s been a long road getting her to trust me again. I can’t betray her by spilling all of her secrets. I’m sure nothing is going to happen while I’m gone, but I’d rather not risk it while I’m so far away.”

I continue to watch her through the glass, hating the fact that there are so many missing pieces of the puzzle that is Gwen. I’m starting to worry about her and feel bad for her and it’s pissing me off. I don’t have the time or the desire to care about someone, but I’d never go back on a promise.

“You don’t have to worry, I’m not going anywhere. And hey, thanks for telling me your sister has a kid,” I complain.

Brady laughs. “So, you met Emma? Has she made you sing any of Layla’s songs yet?”

“No, and I’m pretty sure your sister’s not going to let me within ten feet of her again. I added to her college fund within ten seconds of meeting her,” I tell him.

“Don’t let Gwen try to tell you that that stupid jar is completely full because of me. She’s got the mouth of a sailor,” Brady admits. “Look, I really appreciate you doing this for me. I know it’s hard when you have no idea what you’re getting into.”

I end the call on a promise to sing at least one of Layla’s songs to Emma the next time I see her – and with me still having more questions than answers.

Chapter 8

Gwen

Growing up, every movie or television show I ever watched where a woman was abused always made me shake my head in irritation. Who in their right mind would stick around and put up with that again and again? Didn’t these women have brains in their heads? I knew for a fact that if a man ever laid his hands on me, I would tell him off, kick his ass to the curb and never look back.

It’s always easy to judge other people when you have no idea what kind of life they live behind closed doors, when you’ve never walked one footstep in their shoes or when you’ve never given your heart to a man you believed when he told you it would never happen again.

I met William at a charity function my mother was hosting. He had just finished his medical residency and secured a full time position with Mount Sinai hospital. He was the most charming man I had ever met and the first man to make me laugh since my brother left for the Navy when I was sixteen. At twenty-two years old, my parents were starting to pressure me more and more about finding a husband and settling down. Not that I was a wild child or anything like that, but in their eyes, it was high time I find someone so they could impress their friends with a lavish wedding and give them grandchildren they could brag about. Over the years, they tried setting me up with some of their friend’s sons and each one was worse than the last. They were all too much like my shallow parents and I wanted more. I wanted a man who would let me be who I wanted to be and not who my parent’s thought I should be.

I still remember the night I met him like it was yesterday. I was standing at the bar with a full glass of champagne in my hand wishing I were anywhere but there.

“Don’t slouch, Gwendolyn,” my mother scolded out of the corner of her mouth as she smiled and waved at someone she knew across the room.

I sighed and stood up taller, taking a small sip of my champagne. I wished Brady were here. He would be standing off in the corner making fun of all the pretentious people in the room, our parents included and making me laugh. It’s sad that I can’t even remember the last time I laughed. My life has turned into the movie Groundhog Day – one day bleeds into the next, the same things over and over until I’m so bored I could cry.

“I’m going to go find your father and start making the rounds to all the tables. Make sure you smile and thank people for coming,” she told me distractedly as she wandered away.

It took everything in me not to roll my eyes at her retreating back. I should have told her that I didn’t feel well and stayed home tonight, but then she wouldn’t have been able to parade me around to all of her friends bragging about how I just graduated at the top of my class with a degree in business. A degree I didn’t want, but the only one that would make my parents happy and keep them off my back. I wanted to study social work, but my parents thought it was a frivolous waste and one that wouldn’t make me any money in the future. Just like always, I did as they instructed.

“Is this the most boring party you’ve ever been to or is it just me?”

A voice next to me at the bar brought me out of my thoughts. I turned to see a man in a black tux smiling down at me, dimples in each of his cheeks giving him a boyish look. He could be a few years older than me, but his friendly smile and the sparkle in his green eyes made him look younger.

“Well, my parents are the ones hosting the party, so I think I’m required to say that I’m having a wonderful time,” I replied to him with a smile of my own.

“You’re Beth and Karl’s daughter?” he asked in shock.

I nodded, taking another sip of my drink.

“Forgive me if this is a little forward, but I had no idea their daughter was so shockingly beautiful,” he told me softly.

Over the years, I had heard enough trite compliments and pick-up lines from men in my parent’s social circle that I could fill an entire book. But the way this man said it, so honestly and quietly, it didn’t come off as anything but genuine.

“My name’s William Stratford the third. I realize that makes me sound like a pompous asshole and I apologize for that. If I don’t tell people I’m the third William Stratford, my father will tell me I’m ungrateful and I’ll have to hang my head in shame. So really, you should just blame him for it,” William said with a laugh.

He held out his hand for me to shake and when our palms touched, I wanted nothing more than to hold on to him for the rest of the evening. His large, soft hand wrapped around my own small one and my heart skipped a beat.

“My name’s Gwen Marshall, but if my mother is around, you’d better call me Gwendolyn or she’ll think you’re a common man who has no social skills,” I informed him.

William threw his head back and laughed and I couldn’t help but join him. His laughter was infectious and it made me forget for just a moment how much I hated my life.

“Well, Gwen Marshall, what do you say we defy both of our parents? I’ll let you call me Billy if you let me take you out onto the dance floor and show you my moves.”

William asked me on a date during our third dance that night at the charity event. I spent the next two years falling madly in love with him and thinking that my life was finally moving in the right direction. He was encouraging of my desire to go back to school for social work, he was thoughtful and romantic and he could always make me smile no matter what kind of day I was having. My parents adored him, mostly because he was quickly becoming one of the most sought after surgeons in New York and his success reflected back on them since we were dating. I didn’t care if they liked him or not; nothing mattered but the fact that, for the first time since my brother left, I’d found a man who understood me and love me for me and not for who my parents were or the amount of money they had.

The first time William hit me, it felt like a dream. The kind where you’re floating above your body and you can see everything that’s happening to you. You try to yell down to yourself and change what’s happening right before your eyes, but your voice isn’t heard. We had been married for six months. Six amazing months where each day was better than the one before it. William honored my parent’s wishes and we didn’t live together until we were husband and wife, much to my annoyance. I didn’t care about anything but spending every waking moment with the man I loved. I couldn’t wait to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up to his smile. Looking back now, I wonder if I would have seen William’s true nature if we defied my parents and I moved into his home before I walked down the aisle.

On our six-month wedding anniversary, we got into our first fight. It started off small, something silly where I jokingly teased him about coming home late from work and how dinner had gotten cold. I made an off-hand remark about finding another husband who knew how to tell time. It was meant to be funny, meant to make him roll his eyes and kiss me on the tip of my nose as he liked to do and laughingly tell me he would never be late again. I remember smiling at him, waiting for him to join me and being completely unprepared for the sting of his palm against my cheek.

Tears of shock rolled down my face and he immediately started crying right along with me, pulling me into his arms, kissing the tears away and telling me he would rather die than hurt me ever again. I was more in shock at seeing this confident, strong man fall apart in front of me than having him hit me and I immediately forgave him.

I was such a fool.

As I open the door to the apartment we share with Brady, Emma drops her book bag in the middle of the floor and races off to her room. When I hear the door close and I’m sure she can’t hear me, I drop the mail on the kitchen counter and pull out my cell phone. After a few rings, my lawyer, Michelle, answers.

“Gwen, I was just about to call you,” she tells me.

“Really? I’ve been meaning to call you for a few days, but I’ve been busy,” I tell her as I sort through the pile of mail. “Do you know if William is still in New York?”

I feel stupid asking her this, but I trust Michelle. I spoke to five lawyers before I decided to use her. Each one told me I should immediately go back to New York and handle things the proper way. They told me I was making a mistake by running and that it would only cause problems in the long run. I knew they were right, but I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was keeping Emma safe. The first time I talked to Michelle, she told me to stay put and she would take care of everything. She confided in me that she was in an abusive relationship when she was younger and she knew exactly what I was going through.

“As far as I know he is, but I can check for you. Why, did something happen? Do you need me to fly out there? Now that your location has been disclosed, we can file a restraining order. Do you want me to call the police?”

I can’t help but laugh at her exuberance. “Calm down there, bulldog. I’m sure it’s nothing, probably just my overactive imagination. I’d feel better knowing he was where he’s supposed to be though.”

“Done. I’ll call his lawyer as soon as we hang up. Oh, the reason why I was going to call you – a friend of yours contacted me. She wanted to get in touch with you, but I didn’t want to give her your new cell phone number until I made sure it was okay. Her name is Ellie Larson.”

I smile as soon as I hear the name. Leaving William also meant leaving my best friend behind. Someone who knew some of what I was going through and finally convinced me to leave him. I knew I wouldn’t be able to have any contact with her until I could figure out what to do, but it didn’t make it any easier. Ellie has always been my rock and I’ve missed her.

I tell Michelle to go ahead and give her my number and hang up the phone feeling a little less crazy about what’s been happening lately. I sort through the mail and stare curiously at a letter addressed to Emma. Brady promised her he’d send her a post card from each city he visited and so far she’s received seven. He must have decided to send something else this time. Tearing open the sealed envelope, I pull out the pink, folded piece of construction paper and open it up.

I let out a gasp when I see what’s on it. The paper slips from my hand and flutters to the floor. I immediately race down the hallway to Emma’s room, shouting her name in fear as I go. I’m now certain that none of this is my imagination.

Chapter 9

Austin

“I wouldn’t ask you this if I had any other option, but I’m stuck. Emma’s babysitter is out of town visiting family for the weekend. It will only be for a few hours.”

I’m probably going to regret this, but having Gwen actually ask me for a favor is too good to turn down. Even if it means I have to be alone with a kid all night.

Gwen bites the nail of her thumb nervously and I reach out, pulling her finger from her mouth. “It’s fine, I can do it, no big deal.”

She smiles at me and it feels like someone punched me in the gut. Fucking hell! Why does she have to be so God damn good looking and vulnerable when she smiles? I’m such a pussy.

“So, what’s the deal? Do you have a hot date or something?” I ask, pretending like just uttering those words doesn’t make me want to punch a wall. What do I care if she has a date? I don’t even like her.

Fuck.

“Hardly. Remember that friend of mine I told you about, Ellie Larson? She’s in town and we’re going to dinner. I’d normally take Emma with me but I don’t want her out that late,” Gwen explains.

“Do I need to like, feed the kid or take her on a walk or some shit?” I ask in a panic.

Gwen laughs and shakes her head at me. “I’ll make sure she’s fed and walked before you come over. You do realize she’s a human and not a puppy, right?”

I’m starting to think this might not be a good idea. What the hell do I know about kids? What if she starts crying or something?

Gwen reaches out and rests her hand on my arm. “All you have to do is sit there and make sure she doesn’t start any fires or run with scissors. I’m pretty sure you can handle it.”

My gaze shifts from her face to the spot where her hand is touching me. It’s soft and warm and I suddenly wonder what it would feel like wrapped around my dick. I think about that hand sliding down the front of my pants and her tongue darting out to wet her lips. Without even thinking about what I’m doing, I step closer to her until I can feel the heat of her body against mine. Her hand digs into my bicep as if she’s trying to hold me in place and her mouth drops open, her breath coming out a little faster. Her lips are full and beautiful and I bet they taste even better. I can feel her breasts pressed against my chest and I want to slip my hand under her shirt and feel their fullness in my palm.

Reaching my hand up, I brush her hair off of one shoulder with the tips of my fingers just so I can touch her. Glancing down at the bare skin of her collarbone, I see a scar marking her skin. It’s an old scar, faded and barely visible, but it’s there. It’s a thin line about three inches long that goes from her collarbone over to her shoulder, disappearing under the edge of the shirt. I’ve seen scars like that before; I have scars like this – all of them the result of being on the receiving end of a knife blade. I stare in fascination at the mark and wonder what the fuck she’s doing with something like this on her body.

Not being able to help myself, I run my finger back and forth over the scar and ask. “Did you get into a knife fight or something?”

I can’t hide the humor in my voice because the idea of Gwen being in any kind of a fight is funny. Not because she couldn’t handle it, but because whoever decided to fight her probably wouldn’t be breathing topside anymore. She’d kick their ass and make them sorry they ever crossed her path. I’m even a little leery of castration standing this close to her, but I’m too mesmerized by the smoothness of her skin under my fingertips to shield the boys from her imminent wrath.

Gwen’s eyes blink in confusion and she looks away from me to crane her neck and stare down at the spot on her skin I’m still touching. I watch the softness in her face disappear as she quickly takes a step back from me. Whatever little moment we had going on just a few seconds ago is long gone. She grabs her hair and pulls it back to the front of her shoulder before turning away from me, grabbing her purse and heading for the door.

“So, I’ll just see you tonight then at Brady’s apartment? Seven o’clock should be fine.”

With that, she’s out the door and I’m standing here, my fingers still burning from the feel of her skin, wondering what the fuck just happened.

Again.

* * *

“Can I put pink lipstick on you?”

“No.”

“What about pink nail polish?”

“No.”

“I think a pink bow would look really pretty in your hair.”

“No.”

Emma huffs and crosses her arms in front of her, so much like her mother it makes me want to laugh. “Don’t you want to do anything fun?”

Stuffing my hands in the front pockets of my jeans, I glance around her room at the fucking sea of pink. Pink toys, pink blankets, pink stuffed animals – it looks like a bottle of Pepto exploded and it’s starting to give me hives.

“Isn’t it time for you to go to bed?” I question.

“It’s only seven-thirty.”

I shrug. “And?”

“And, I don’t go to bed until nine.”

Jesus Christ. What the hell was I thinking offering to babysit Gwen’s kid? I don’t know how to play with kids. Shit, I didn’t even know how to play when I was a kid. My first foster mother owned a diner put me to work when I was six years old. I had to learn how to wash and dry dishes in kindergarten.

“Um, how about we play Navy SEAL?”

She looks at me like I’m crazy. I probably am.

Getting down on my knees so I’m closer to her level, I look around the room cautiously and speak in a low voice. “That Barbie over there in the pink dress hiding behind the stuffed dog is a high level insurgent. Do we capture or kill, soldier?”

Emma looks at me with wide eyes for a moment and I wonder if this is the dumbest idea ever. Then, she glances over at the Barbie in question, bends her knees and whispers in my ear. “I think we need to capture her. Make her talk.”

Stifling a laugh, I quickly shuffle on my knees over to the edge of her bed, motioning for her to follow with my hand. She runs up behind me and we both peek around the corner of her frilly pink comforter.

“What do we do now?” she whispers from behind me, resting her small hands on my shoulders.

“We don’t want to spook her. We take this nice and slow and you don’t make a move until I say so,” I tell her, looking over my shoulder at her.

She nods, a fierce look of concentration on her face.

“We’re going to need weapons. She looks like a fighter. Did you bring weapons, soldier?”

Emma quickly grabs a stuffed alligator from off of her bed. Naturally it’s pink. “I’ve got this alligator. Her name’s Ally and she bites.”

I nod my head and motion for her to go in front of me. “You go in first with the gator. Tell her we don’t negotiate with terrorists who wear pink.”

* * *

My eyelids are so fucking heavy it feels like bricks are attached to them. Who knew an hour and a half of playing Navy SEAL with a six-year-old could be so exhausting?

“Hey, Mr. Austin?”

I struggle to open my eyes when I hear Emma’s sleepy voice and I lift my head from the back of the couch to look down at her, curled up next to me with her head resting against my side.

“What’s up pipsqueak?”

She looks up at me and yawns. “Do you know my daddy?”

I’m suddenly wide awake and I sit up a little straighter, careful not to jostle her too much. “Um, no. I don’t know your daddy. Is he nice?”

She yawns again, looking away from me to burrow closer into my side. “He always bought me presents. And he called me princess. But he wasn’t nice to mommy.”

Uneasiness ripples through my body at her softly spoken words. “What do you mean he wasn’t nice to mommy?”

I’m probably the biggest dick in the world for questioning a child, but right now I don’t care. I need info on Gwen and Emma’s sleepy ramblings seem to be just the place to get it. For some reason, I naturally assumed Gwen left New York because of her parents, just like Brady did. Obviously, I was wrong.

Emma is quiet for a few minutes and I assume she’s fallen asleep, but she mumbles into my side. “He yelled a lot. He called her bad names. If we would have had a swear jar then, he would have had to put a whole lot of money in it.”

I swallow thickly, resting my palm on top of her head.

“I miss my daddy, but he made mommy cry. I don’t want my mommy to cry anymore,” she admits softly right before she falls asleep.

Reaching for the blanket draped over the back of the couch, I gently pull it down and cover Emma with it. My head drops to the back of the couch and I stare up at the ceiling, things slowly clicking into place in my addled brain. Gwen not having any contact with Brady for years, her showing up at his place in the middle of the night a few months ago, the ‘personal stuff’ she’s got going on in her life, the way she zones out every once in a while and I can tell she’s thinking about something that bothers her, the comment she made in the car the other day about people hurting you… it’s all starting to make sense.

That motherfucker hurt her. I wonder if Gwen knows how much Emma worries about her. A kid shouldn’t have to worry about someone harming her mother, especially when that someone is her own father. Just the idea of some douchebag making Gwen feel like shit makes me want to find him and beat his sorry ass into the ground. I know she doesn’t want to talk about her past, especially to me, but if Brady was concerned enough to have me come here and keep an eye on her, this asshole could still be a threat. I may not be the type of guy to settle down with a wife and kid, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let anything happen to Gwen or her daughter.

Chapter 10

Gwen

I glance nervously at my watch as I sit in the booth of the restaurant. Not because Ellie is a few minutes late, but because I’m wondering if Austin is surviving being alone with my daughter. I lied when I told him that Karen was out of town for the weekend. After that damn letter that came in the mail the other day, the coffee mug incident and what happened in the park, I wasn’t about to leave Emma home alone without being absolutely certain she would be safe. Karen is sweet and she adores Emma, but she’s no Navy SEAL. As much as Austin clouds my judgment and messes with my mind, I know that there isn’t a better person out there to keep my daughter safe.

That damn letter – a crayon drawn picture of a mother, a father and a little girl. It was a crude drawing and, at first glance, I assumed a child had done it – until I saw the words scribbled at the bottom of the page: Families belong together.

It was stupid of me to believe that William would just sit back and do nothing after I left, but to stoop to such childish behavior is pathetic. Michelle called me back on the way to the restaurant tonight and she informed me that William has been in New York for the past couple of weeks and his only travel plan coming up is a medical conference in Chicago. That news didn’t sit well with me at all. The coffee mug thing could be chalked up to my over-active imagination, and the person at the park could have just been a stranger, but that letter sure as hell was real. I’m not about to let him do this to me or to Emma. As much as I don’t want to, I’m have to tell Austin what’s going on. He dropped everything to look after us as a favor to my brother, not knowing what kind of a mess he was stepping into. It’s only fair to him that I explain the situation. There’s no way he can truly protect us if he doesn’t know what he’s protecting us from. I hate relying on someone else, but I won’t be careless about my daughter’s safety. William’s money and influence are far-reaching and he’s not a man I want to go up against all on my own. It would be a different story if it were only my well being I had to worry about. I would have no problem being my usual stubborn self and handling things on my own, but I have Emma to consider. I’m not about to let my pride get in the way of protecting her.

The front door to the small restaurant opens and thoughts of William fly from my mind as I see Ellie walk through the door and scan the room. I slowly slide out of the booth and stare at her wide-eyed. She looks so different. The woman walking towards me with a huge smile on her face looks nothing like the woman I left behind in New York. The last time I saw Ellie she had long, brown hair and a few extra pounds around her middle that she’d been complaining about losing for years. She was never one to wear clothing that accentuated any part of her body, choosing instead to be comfortable in t-shirts and jeans. I hardly recognize the woman I’m looking at. She’s easily lost at least twenty pounds and her thin figure and gorgeous curves are accentuated with a form-fitting little black dress. Her normally mousy, brown hair has been dyed honey blonde and hangs down past her shoulders in a shiny, sleek long-layered cut. She looks wonderful.

She looks exactly like me three months ago.

“Gwen! Oh my gosh it’s so good to see you!” Ellie exclaims, throwing herself at me and wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.

After a few moments, she steps back and I shake my head at her in awe. “Ellie Larson, are you sure it’s really you in there? Holy shit, I barely recognized you.”

She blushes, glancing down at herself. “I know, it’s a big change, huh? And speaking of changes, is your hair blue and purple?”

I run my fingers through my long wavy hair and laugh. “I figured if I was going to leave my parent’s world behind, I might as well go all out.”

Ellie laughs and pulls me back in for another hug. “I’ve missed you so much, Gwenny.”

Her softly whispered words and the nickname she gave me when we were children have me blinking back tears and I squeeze her tightly for a few more seconds before letting her go. We take our seats across from one another and I reach across the table and grab both of her hands.

“You have no idea how happy I was to hear from you, Ellie. I should have gotten in touch with you sooner, but things have been hectic,” I explain.

“It’s fine, there’s no need to apologize. I’m just glad you’re okay now. You look so good, Gwen. So much better than the last time I saw you. You look happy. Are you happy?” she asks me softly.

Ellie’s adoptive parents were my parent’s best friends. When Ellie came to live with them when she was four-years-old, we immediately became best friends. She was the only person who knew how much I hated being the daughter of Beth and Karl Marshall. She was the only one who knew that I wanted more out of my life than being a spoiled rich girl who had everything handed to her on a silver platter. She was also the only one who knew the kind of monster William turned into after we were married. She held me when I cried the first time he broke one of my bones and she slept in a chair next to my bed the first time he put me in the hospital. She was my confidant and the closest thing to a sister I’d ever had. Aside from her new look, sitting here with her right now feels just like old times – like we haven’t been apart from each other for three months. No matter where we are or what we do, it’s good to know we can always pick up right where we left off like no time has passed.

“I’m getting there. Hopefully the divorce will be final soon and I can put all of this behind me. I just don’t know what to do about visitation with Emma. It’s so hard to know what the right thing to do is when you have a child caught in the middle,” I admit.

Ellie lets go of my hands and leans back in her seat, pulling her napkin closer to her and tearing off little pieces. She’s quiet and before I can ask her what’s wrong, the waitress interrupts us and takes our order. After she walks away, Ellie is still nervously shredding her napkin. I reach over and place my hand on top of hers to get her to stop.

“Alright, talk. What’s going on with you?”

She sighs and looks up at me with a sad expression on her face. “I didn’t just call you because I missed you. I mean, I do miss you, every single day. But, there’s something else. Something I need to tell you and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”

“If you’re referring to the fact that he’s seeing someone now, don’t worry. My mother already beat you to the punch,” I tell her with a laugh.

When she doesn’t laugh with me and instead, I see tears forming in her eyes, my smile vanishes and I lean forward. “Ellie, you’re starting to scare me. What’s going on?”

She picks up what’s left of her napkin and dabs at her eyes. “You have to promise me that you won’t get upset. Just… hear me out first before you say anything, okay?”

I nod in confusion, not saying anything. Ellie has always been a sensitive person, always worrying about hurting other people’s feelings. She has a heart of gold and it pains me to see her so upset about something.

“It’s me,” she whispers softly, refusing to look at me.

“What’s you?”

She swallows thickly, crumpling up the napkin and tossing it on the table in front of her.

“I’m the one that William is dating.”

She finally looks up at me and when the tears start falling steadily from her eyes, I know that the look on my face must not be one of understanding.

Even if I could find the words to say to her right now, I wouldn’t know where to begin. Regardless of the fact that she’s my best friend and he’s still technically my husband, she knows what kind of man he is. She knows what he’s capable of – she saw the bruises and the scars and the emotional turmoil I spent most of my adult life being swallowed up by.

“Please, don’t be mad at me, Gwen. It would kill me if I knew you were mad. I didn’t mean for it to happen, I swear,” she cries.

I shake my head at her, leaning back in my seat as I try to process the words coming out of her mouth.

“I’m not mad, I could never be mad at you. I’m just… I don’t understand. Jesus Christ, Ellie! You know what he’s like. You need to stay away from him,” I demand.

Being angry at the things William did to me is nothing compared to the rage I feel knowing that he could be doing the exact same things to my best friend. She’s sweet and kind and he knows this. He knows this and he would do everything in his power to take advantage of her good nature. I can’t let that happen, I won’t. He’s already dressed her up like a Barbie doll that resembles the old me, what more is he forcing her to do? Did he put her up to calling me? Did he come with her to Nashville? Does she know about the letter he sent to Emma? I don’t want to believe that Ellie would ever be a part of something that could possibly harm Emma and me, but I also never thought she would get in bed with that bastard after everything she watched him put me through. William obviously knows how much I care about Ellie and he’s decided to get closer to me by using her. It’s sick and disgusting and I can’t believe Ellie doesn’t see it.

“You don’t understand, Gwen. He’s different now since you left. He’s changed,” she pleads.

I scoff and roll my eyes. “Sure he has. Just like he swore he’d changed every single time he pushed me down the stairs or broke one of my bones. God dammit, Ellie, you’re smarter than this!”

She shrinks back into her seat and for a moment I feel awful about the way I’m talking to her, but I can’t stop myself. She needs to see how bad this is. He’s practically turned her into a walking replica of what I used to look like. Why can’t she see this?

“He’s not the same person anymore, Gwen. He got help for his anger issues, he’s calm and he’s a better man now. He wants to be a good father for Emma. He wants you to trust him so he can have her back in his life. If you would just talk to him, you’d see how different he is,” she explains.

So different that he’s sending creepy, hostile pictures in the mail addressed to his six-year-old daughter and making my best friend come here to plead his case.

Right now, I can’t even stand to look at Ellie. I’m scared for her and I feel betrayed. It’s more than obvious that William put her up to this and it makes me sick.

“You know what, I think I’ve lost my appetite,” I mutter, throwing my own napkin on the table, grabbing my purse and getting up from the table.

I walk out of the restaurant and away from my best friend, wondering if I’m ever going to be able to trust anyone ever again.

Chapter 11

Austin

The sound of the door opening and closing wakes me up. I glance behind the couch to see Gwen angrily toss her purse onto the kitchen counter and stalk into the kitchen. She flings open the fridge door so hard it bangs against the counter behind it.

Looks like someone didn’t have a good dinner. Hopefully she’s in a chatty mood because I’ve got some questions for her. I fell asleep on the couch next to Emma thinking about all of the possible things Gwen had went through before she moved here and none of them left me with a good feeling.

I gently move Emma off of me, get up from the couch and reposition the blanket around her as she sighs and rolls over. A weird feeling tugs at my heart as I watch her tuck her hands under her cheek. She’s so small, so vulnerable and trusting. She’s obviously seen some not-so-good things in her short, six years and yet she’s happy and full of life. She believes without question that the people who love her will take care of her and keep her safe. She deserves to have a childhood without worry and without scars, so unlike my own. I have an unnatural urge to wrap my arms around her and never let her go, make sure nothing ever harms her and protect her at all costs.

Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? I am NOT father material. I’m not even uncle material.

Not liking the direction of my thoughts, I back away from the couch and the sleeping little girl and head towards the kitchen.

I make it in there just as Gwen closes the fridge door, pops the top off of a bottle of beer and chugs half of it.

Leaning casually against the doorframe, I lift my eyebrow at her when she turns to face me. “Did they run out of dessert at the restaurant or something?”

She studies me silently for a few seconds before slamming the bottle down on the counter and charging towards me, determination shining in her eyes.

I put my hands up in surrender. “I was just kidding about dess-”

Her hands clutch onto the front of my shirt and she hauls me to her, bringing my lips to hers. When I hold completely still in shock, she takes it further by opening her mouth against mine just enough to glide the tip of her tongue across my bottom lip.

Every thought in my brain heads south, right to my dick. I forget about the questions I’m determined to make her answer and all of the reasons why this is the worst fucking idea in the entire world. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her roughly against me, sliding my tongue into her warm, wet mouth and groan as soon as I taste her. Our tongues immediately tangle together, pushing and swirling, vying for dominance as we both drive harder and deeper into one another. She lets go of my shirt, moving her hands up to clutch large chunks of my hair and my palms slide up under the back of her shirt until I feel smooth, warm skin.

This is such a stupid idea. Everything about this has bad news written all over it, but I can’t bring myself to care. Gwen’s mouth is the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted and I want more. Without breaking the kiss, I spin her around and press her up against the front of the fridge, one of her legs immediately coming up to hook around the back of my thigh to hold me close. Pushing my tongue deeper, I bend my knees and slide the hard-on straining against the front of my jeans between her legs. I’m always in a state of semi-hardness whenever I’m in the same room with her, but the need that coursed through me as soon as I felt her lips against mine is off the charts.

She whimpers into my mouth and shifts her hips, sliding herself against me roughly until I’m damn certain I’m going to come in my jeans like a fucking fifteen-year-old. The sounds she makes, the heat from her body and the way she completely lets go with abandon drives me insane.

I knew from the first moment she called me an ass that kissing her would be like a fiery explosion, neither one of us surviving without getting burned. She’s mouthy and she’s stubborn, but there’s a vulnerability buried deep down inside that makes me want to take care of her, consume her and protect her at all costs.

Keeping my hand under her shirt, I slide it around, over her rib cage and move it up until I have her lace covered breast in my hand. Feeling the weight of it in my palm makes my dick throb and I instantly want to bury myself inside of her. Without breaking the kiss, she arches her back slightly, pushing herself against my palm, wanting more. Using the tips of my fingers, I tug the edge of the cup down roughly until her naked breast fills my hand. I run my thumb back and forth over her nipple until I feel it harden, then circle my thumb around it, over and over until I hear her whimper into my mouth again.

Her hips are still moving against me, faster and harder now. I gently suck her tongue into my mouth, using my thumb and forefinger to pinch her nipple, rolling it between my fingers. I swallow her cries of pleasure, bringing my free hand down to clutch her ass and help her move against me. I want to pull my head back and watch her come. I want to see her face flush with release and her teeth press down into the soft skin of her lip as her orgasm rushes through her. I want to see it all, but I can’t bring myself to stop kissing her. I hold tightly to her ass and help her slide herself against my dick that gets impossibly harder each time she makes a little sound of pleasure in the back of her throat. I continue kneading her breast and sliding against her until I can tell by the way her hands grip tighter to my hair and her hips move faster against my cock that she’s seconds away from coming apart, straining for release.

“Mommy, what are you doing?”

Gwen and I freeze, our lips separating, but my hands still firmly attached to tits and ass. I would be perfectly fine keeping them there for a little while longer, but she resumes normal brain function much faster than I do and yanks my hand out from under her shirt before shoving me away from her.

Keeping my back to Emma so that my dick can go back down to non-horny size, Gwen moves around me and rushes over to Emma.

“Sweetie, you shouldn’t be awake, it’s late. Come here, mommy will put you to bed.”

Glancing over my shoulder, I watch as Gwen lifts a sleepy Emma into her arms and rushes out of the room without one glance in my direction. Once they’re gone, I let out the breath I’d been holding since Emma’s voice doused a bucket of cold water all over my dick. Moving over to the counter, I rest my palms on top and drop my head down between my shoulders.

What in the fucking hell was that?

She comes in here pissed off about something and without even saying anything, drags me up against her and kisses me. Sure, I was an equal participant once the shock wore off, but what the ever-living hell was that? What made her suddenly decide I was worthy of her affection instead of her wrath?

This woman is going to be the fucking death of me, but I can still taste her on my lips and still feel the soft, heaviness of her breast in the palm of my hand and the only thought in my mind right now is that it sure would be a great fucking way to die. Turning around, I lean back against the counter and stare at the doorway where Gwen disappeared, running baseball stats through my head until I can finally move without my dick feeling like it’s going to explode.

Gwen comes back in the kitchen a few minutes later and stops in the doorway. Our eyes meet and for a few uncomfortable seconds, I can tell she’s replaying every single moment of what just happened in this room before Emma interrupted us. I watch her cheeks flush and I can’t tell if it’s because she’s getting turned on again or because she’s embarrassed. As much as I want a repeat performance of what just happened, preferably without clothes this time, we need to talk. I need to know about her ex husband and I need to know what kind of a threat he is.

“Look, we need to-”

She immediately cuts me of. “It’s late and I need to be up early tomorrow. Thanks for watching Emma, I really appreciate it.”

Without another word, she turns and heads towards the front door. There’s nothing for me to do at this point but follow her. When I walk into the room, she’s standing with the door open, staring down at her feet like they’re the most interesting fucking things in the world.

I try again to get her to talk to me. “Gwen, we really need to talk.”

“Look, it’s been a long night. I’m not really in the mood to rehash things. I was pissed when I got home and that… shouldn’t have happened,” she tells me, gesturing towards the kitchen. “It’s not going to happen again so let’s just forget about it.”

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

I’m not a chick. I don’t need to talk about my feelings and discuss the pros and cons of what we just did in the kitchen. When I have my tongue down some woman’s throat and her tits in my hand, I don’t need to sit down and discuss it. At least we’re on the same page on one thing – it never should have happened.

So why the fuck am I so pissed that she’s dismissing me? I need to ask her about her ex, but all I can think about is how nonchalant she seems about what happened.

Well, fuck you very much then.

I don’t like the shit ton of emotions her words are making me feel, not the least of which is rejection, so I lash out at her without even thinking about what I’m saying. “I’d say it was good for me, but… well, it wasn’t. And you don’t have to worry about me repeating that mistake, darlin’. I prefer a woman who isn’t such a fucking tease.”

Ignoring the pained look on Gwen’s face, I grab the handle of the door and slam it closed on my way out.

Chapter 12

Gwen

“Please, keep your voice down. Emma might hear you.”

My pleading fell on deaf ears as William tightened his hold on my arm and roughly yanked me closer to him.

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do! Maybe it’s about time our daughter finds out what a slut her mother is,” he shouted, his lips curled back in an angry snarl.

I used to love those lips. I used to trace my fingertips over them when we would lie in bed at night.

I stared at his lips as his hand squeezed around my upper arm so hard that I knew there would be a bruise left behind in the shape of his fingers. It wouldn’t be the first time and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. Suddenly, the thought that I would spend the rest of my days walking on eggshells, hiding bruises and wearing clothing that covered scars seemed like a worse fate than dying.

William shoved me roughly away from him and I stumbled backwards, my feet getting tangled in each other and my hip hitting the corner of his desk.

“Son of a bitch,” I whispered, wincing in pain.

The swear slipped passed my lips without conscious thought as I pressed my hand to the tender skin of my hip. William doesn’t like women who swear. I should have been more careful.

He charged at me and I had just enough time to brace myself for the fist that connected with my cheek. The force of the blow sent my body away from him and I sprawled across the top of his desk, my arms flying out to catch my fall. Medical books, patient records, his laptop and a cup full of pens went crashing to the floor. He hadn’t hit me in the face since that very first time. Too many people questioned what had happened to me and he couldn’t take the chance of anyone finding out. After that, he was careful to inflict his pain only to places where no one would see – my thighs, my stomach, my back, my arms… so his lack of concern about the bruise that would surely grace my cheek tomorrow scared me to death.

His hand clutched onto a handful of my long, blonde hair on the back of my head and he dragged me up from the desk, pulling my head back until I stared up into his furious face.

My cheek throbbed from the punch and I blinked back tears as my hands reached up blindly behind my head to try and get him to let go of me.

“Does the guy you’ve been fucking behind my back have a mouth like that?” he questioned angrily.

“William, there’s no one else, I swear to you,” I sobbed, my tear-filled eyes pleading with him to believe me.

My arms up, clutching onto his hand at the back of my head, I’d inadvertently left my body wide open for him. His fist slammed into my ribs, stealing the breath from my lungs as a sharp pain shot down my side. His balled up fist connected with the same spot again and again until blackness swam at the edge of my vision and I heard the snap of a rib breaking.

He shoved me away from him again and I could do nothing but crumple to the floor, the pain in my side so severe that I knew I was going to throw up. Nausea swirled around in my stomach as I held my hands to my ribs, my breath coming out in short bursts, each one sending a fiery burn down the side of my body until I dry heaved.

“You’re a liar and a whore. I’ve done everything for you and this is how you repay me?” he shouted, standing above me.

I wanted to tell him not to yell, that Emma was going to wake up and see what was happening, but I couldn’t form the words. The pain in my ribs was so bad I knew I was going to black out soon.

I was so busy struggling to breathe face down on the carpet in his office that I didn’t even see him pull his leg back. I didn’t see his dress shoe covered foot coming towards me until I feel the crunch of bone in my bicep.

“You’re a fucking tease! No wonder you let someone else screw you.”

I bolt up in bed, my body covered in sweat and my heart racing. I unconsciously wrap my arms around myself, recalling the pain of broken ribs and blows to my body from that final beating, the last time I ever allowed William to hurt me. Glancing over at the clock on my nightstand, the red glowing lights read three-fifteen and I know I won’t be able to go back to sleep. Austin’s cocky words from earlier that night play on a loop in my head.

Fucking tease, fucking tease, fucking tease.

I know he didn’t mean them the same way William did. I know he only said that to me because I pushed him away. I got home from dinner with Ellie and I couldn’t think straight. Overwhelmed by fear and shaken to the core by her betrayal, I just wanted to forget about everything Ellie told me and the clusterfuck my life has become if only for a moment. I used him, never thinking about what I was doing, simply wanting to do something to erase it all. I didn’t want to think about William or Ellie or how betrayed I felt by my best friend. I had no idea that kissing Austin would only fill my mind with more doubt and confusion. I didn’t think I would ever want to be touched by another man ever again, but having his body against mine, feeling his need for me pushing between my legs… it made everything go away until there was only him. I shouldn’t have pushed him away like I did, but I had to. If Emma hadn’t come into the kitchen when she did, I wouldn’t have stopped him from going further. I would have stripped bare for him and he would have seen all of my scars – physically and mentally. It’s better this way. I’m no good for him or any man. I’m damaged and that’s the way it’s always going to be. Underneath that smart-ass nature is a man who’s passionate, generous, protective and pours himself into something one hundred percent. I don’t have one hundred percent of myself to give anyone other than Emma.

When I get to the office in a few hours, I’ll tell him everything. He’ll pity me and he look at me like a victim, but at least then he’ll understand why I can’t do this with him or anyone.

Getting out of bed, I make my way to the bathroom to shower off the sweat and feelings of anxiety the dream left in its wake. When I’m finished, I quietly creep into Emma’s room and gently sit on the edge of her bed. I watch her chest rise and fall with the deep breaths of sleep and I softly run the backs of my fingers down her cheek.

Every single day since I walked out of the house William and I shared with just one single bag filled with as much of my and Emma’s things that would fit inside of it, I’ve second-guessed my decision. What kind of a mother takes a child away from her father? William always wanted a boy and the disappointment when we found out we were having a girl was evident. He never spent one-on-one time with her, never read her a bedtime story or did any other special things that a father should do with his daughter, but he still loved her in his own way. He hurt me, he bruised me and he broke me. After I left the hospital three days after that night, the only thing I could think about was – what if he would have killed me? Emma would be alone with him. What if he decided to use her as his punching bag in my absence? I knew if I stayed with him, he would eventually kill me and I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her at his mercy.

Emma sighs in her sleep, rolls towards me and burrows her face deeper into her pillow. I bite back tears as I slowly slide into bed next to her and rest my head on her pillow, wrapping my arm around her small body and pulling her closer to me. I breathe in the scent of Johnson’s baby shampoo that lingers in her hair and I remind myself that I did what I had to do. I did what I thought was right to keep my baby safe, and I would do it all over again if I had the chance.

* * *

A knock at the door wakes me up at six and I rub the sleep from my eyes, glancing down to see that Emma is still asleep next to me. With a kiss to her head, I carefully get out of bed, closing her door behind me and heading out into the living room.

Looking out of the peephole, I don’t see anyone there. A feeling of unease washes through me when I think about the letter that came in the mail and how William knows where I am now. Brady’s apartment building is small, but it’s secure. No one can come up to an apartment without being buzzed in first. Feeling like an idiot for being nervous when it’s probably just the super dropping off the rent bill, I slide the chain off of the door and unlock the deadbolt, opening the door slowly.

Glancing down at the floor in the hallway, my blood runs cold and my hand flies to my mouth to cover up a sob. Standing in a row like little soldiers guarding the door are three crystal vases, overflowing with bunches of purple orchids. Their spicy, vanilla scent fills the hallway, overwhelming my senses until I feel like I might throw up. I quickly slam the door closed, my hands shaking as it takes me three tries to put the chain back on and secure the deadbolt. Once the door is locked, I back away; staring at the door like it will burst open at any moment and my worse nightmare will be standing in front of me. I keep walking backwards until my ass bumps into the wall next to the television and I slide down to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

I used to love purple orchids. Growing up, my mother kept vases of them in every room. It was the one good memory I have of being a little girl – going to the flower shop with her every Sunday and buying orchids to fill the house. We would pick out the plants with the prettiest blooms and the softest petals and then she would take me to the country club for lunch, just the two of us. She wouldn’t nag me about sitting up straight, minding my manners or acting like a lady. We would talk about the beautiful flowers and how nice the house would smell as soon as we got home.

My head thumps back against the wall and I squeeze my eye shut to try and keep the tears from falling as I think about how much I loved orchids and Sundays alone with my mother.

I loved them until my mother told William they were my favorite flower. I loved them until he would buy them for me every time he hurt me as a way to absolve himself from the pain he inflicted, as if a bouquet of flowers could erase what he’d done.

The smell of the flowers in the hall clings to my nose and my body shakes with the memory of each and every time I received a vase of those flowers.

Chapter 13

Austin

She’s late for work and she’s not answering her phone. Is this how she “forgets” about what happened between us, by ignoring me and not coming to work?

That’s just fucking great.

The office phone has been ringing off of the hook for the last hour and a half and even though I’ve familiarized myself with Brady’s current cases, I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing with the new ones that roll in.

The bell above the door chimes and I look up to see a guy walk in. He’s wearing a black suit and dark sunglasses and his look just screams “security guard”. Sliding the glasses off of his face, he looks at me in confusion. “Where’s Gwen?”

Ignoring the ringing phone, I shrug. “Beats the fuck out of me. Who are you?”

“Dylan Callahan. I’m a friend of Gwen’s,” he tells me with a smile, holding his hand out for me to shake.

I don’t like the way he says her name, like he’s entirely too familiar with her. It burns a hole in my gut and makes me want to punch the smile right off of his face. God dammit. One kiss from this woman and I already feel like a jealous asshole.

I begrudgingly grab his hand and shake it, squeezing it a little too hard just because I can. “Austin Conrad. I’m filling in for Brady.”

He lets go of my hand and shoves his sunglasses into the front pocket of his suit coat. “Brady mentioned something about you being here. I was working as Layla’s body guard before he decided to get his head out of his ass and profess his undying love for her,” Dylan explains with a laugh.

Now I remember him. Brady told me about how the night he went back for Layla she was about two seconds away from kissing this douche bag. Even though Brady worked out a plan with Dylan ahead of time so he could get some alone time with Layla, Dylan went off the rails a little to make Brady jealous.

I knew there was a reason I hated this guy on sight.

“What do you need Gwen for?” I ask, getting up from the desk and walking around to the front of it.

“I’ve known her and Brady since high school. When I told her I was going to be in town, Gwenny told me to stop by so we could catch up.”

Gwenny? I’m going to throat punch this motherfucker.

“Well, she’s not here so you’re date is going to have to wait,” I tell him, not even bothering to hide the irritation in my voice.

No wonder Gwenny was so gung-ho on forgetting about what happened between us. She’s got this asshole waiting in the wings.

“Well, can you let her know I stopped by? I’ll be in Nashville for about two weeks, so we’ll have plenty of time to get together,” he informs me, pulling his sunglasses back out of his jacket and sliding them on his face. “She’s got my number. Just have her call me.”

Yeah, I’ll get right on that.

Dylan turns and walks out of the office right when the phone starts ringing again.

Fuck this shit.

Grabbing my keys from the desk, I storm out the door, locking it behind me. If Gwenny wants to ‘catch up’ with Mr. Bodyguard, that’s fine with me. She can get her ass into the office and take her own damn messages.

* * *

I cannot believe I’m actually going back to the “scene of the crime” to tell Gwen her date was looking for her, yet here I am. She was quick to brush off what happened between us and it’s not like I wanted to chat about it either, but now it looks like we’re going to have to do just that if I want to restore some semblance of peace between us so she can get her ass back to work.

It’s a good thing Brady not only gave me a key to his office, but to his apartment building’s main door and his apartment as well. I’d rather not have to buzz Gwen to let me up because I’m pretty sure she would ignore that as well seeing as she’s ignored the ten messages I’ve already left on her fucking cell phone.

Stepping off of the elevator, I immediately see three vases of flowers sitting on the floor in front of the apartment door.

Mother fucking Dylan Callahan.

I’m guessing the flowers are from him, unless Gwen has a string of other poor schmucks nipping at her heels.

Ignoring the flowers that I have an unnatural urge to kick down the hall, I bring my hand up to the door and pound on it. When there’s no answer, I do it again and shout through the door. “Gwen! Open up!”

My knock goes unanswered again so I do the mature thing and try yelling again. “Gwen, open up the fucking door!”

Just then, the door across the hall opens and Karen pops her head out. “Is there a problem?”

I paste a smile on my face and pretend like I wasn’t just about to kick the door down. “Just trying to find Gwen. She didn’t come in to work this morning. Any idea where she is?”

Karen opens the door a little wider and steps out into the hall. “I was supposed to watch Emma today but she called me earlier and said she didn’t need me. I’m guessing she decided to take the day off and do something with Emma.”

Thanking Karen for her help, I wait until she goes back into her apartment before pulling the keys back out of my pocket. I saw Gwen’s car downstairs in the parking lot so I know she’s here. What the fuck is going on?

Unlocking the door, I slowly push it open and step over the flower vases, quietly closing the door behind me. I can hear the faint sound of a television coming from down the hall so I head in that direction. I stop short when I see Gwen sitting on the ground outside one of the bedrooms with her knees pulled up to her, staring at the wall opposite her.

“Well, hey there, slacker. In case you were wondering, I opened the office today for you and handled all of your calls.”

She doesn’t acknowledge me, just continues to stare straight ahead. Stepping closer to her, I can see she’s been crying. Her eyes and nose are puffy and red and there are tear tracks marking her cheeks. My thoughts immediately go to Emma and wonder if something happened to her.

“Where’s Emma?”

She finally speaks, her mouth quivering as she tries to keep herself from crying. “She’s in her room, watching a movie.”

She still doesn’t look at me and her voice is so quiet I have to strain to hear her. Creeping closer, I squat down next to her, brushing some strands of hair off of her cheek that have gotten stuck from her tears.

“I told her to stay in there. If she’s in there, I know where she is and I know she’s safe.”

I’ve been around enough people who’ve been in a state of shock to know that’s exactly what’s going on with Gwen right now. Something scared her enough for her to hole up in her apartment and not let Emma out of her sight.

“Hey, look at me,” I tell her softly.

When she doesn’t respond, I reach up and cup her chin in my hand, gently turning her face towards me. When her watery eyes meet mine, I lose my breath and I’m thankful that I’m not standing right now or my knees might have given out. She’s no longer the fighter I’ve been dealing with the past few days; right now she’s scared to death and about two seconds away from breaking.

Sliding my arms around her waist, I pull her to me. She comes to me without a fight and I flop down on my ass, hauling her into my lap and holding her close. She sits sideways on my thighs, her hands wrapped around my bicep and her face buried in my chest. Leaning back against the wall, I run the palm of my hand down the back of her head and hold her close, listening to the sounds of her quiet sobs, knowing now what it feels like to have a knife jammed right through my heart.

She cries until she doesn’t have any tears left and I’m thankful that Emma likes movies and hasn’t walked out into the hallway. I don’t know how I’d explain to her why her mother has been crying in my lap, especially after the girl just told me last night that she doesn’t want her mom to cry anymore.

“Tell me what’s going on, Gwen.”

She pulls her face away from my chest and looks at me, our noses practically touching, her warm breath fanning over my lips.

Jesus Christ, I’m an asshole. The woman just cried a river in my arms and I’m thinking about kissing her again.

Without a word, she pushes herself off of my lap, reaching her hand down to help me up. Still clutching my hand as I stand, she turns and heads across the hall, pulling me with her into a bedroom.

When we get to the dresser, she lets go of my hand to pull open the top drawer, moving aside t-shirts and socks until she gets to the bottom. She pulls out a thick, manila folder, bringing it to her chest and hugging it for a few seconds before turning to face me. I watch as she swallows thickly before handing the file over to me. I take it out of her hands and she walks away from me, over to the bed to sit on the edge. I stare at her for a few seconds as she leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She doesn’t say anything, so I turn away from her and open the folder.

The full color photo on top steals the breath from my lungs and my heart beats out of my chest. It’s a picture of Gwen – the old Gwen. Right here in living color is the woman she used to be – long blonde hair, her gray eyes filled with sadness and pain. The blonde hair isn’t what shocks me though – it’s the black eye, busted lip and other assorted bruises that mar the beautiful pale skin of her face.

I glance over at her for an explanation, but she still has her head in her hands, refusing to look at me. I don’t want to look at this file, but I have to. She’s giving me all of the answers, right here in this room and I have to know.

Turning my face back to the file, I slowly flip through each page. There are at least twenty pictures of Gwen in various states of damage from broken ribs and shattered bones to cuts and slices on several areas of her skin that required stitches. In between the photos are doctor’s notes, detailing each “accident” that ranged from falling down stairs to being mugged. Each page I turn to leaves me feeling sick and furious. My hands are shaking by the time I get to the last page. After what Emma said to me, I just assumed Gwen’s ex was verbally abusive. That alone made me want to kill him, but seeing this file and all of the damage he’d done to her makes me want to tear him limb from limb.

“My name was Gwen Stratford.”

I look up from the file to see Gwen studying me.

Stratford… each one of these doctor’s notes were signed by Dr. William Stratford. Obviously not a coincidence.

“Jesus Christ,” I mutter, tossing the file on top of the dresser and walking over to her.

“No, but he thought he was sometimes,” she tells me with a sad smile.

The scar that I noticed on her shoulder the other day is once again peeking out from the top edge of her shirt. I move closer to her, reaching my hand out to run my fingertips over top of the mark. She doesn’t move away this time, just closes her eyes and sighs.

“He didn’t like the new chairs I bought for the dining room, so he broke one. The piece he hit me with had a nail sticking out of it.”

I move my hand away from her skin and take a step back, clenching my hands down at my sides. I’m so God damn furious right now I’m afraid of what I’ll do, not the least of which is get in my car and drive to New York to put a bullet in this fucker’s head.

Chapter 14

Gwen

Austin has been pacing back and forth in the living room, making quiet phone calls on his cell since I showed him the file. I’ve never shown anyone the contents of that thing, including Brady. I just wanted Austin to understand. I wanted him to see why I’m such a mess and why I pushed him away. That file doesn’t even contain half of the damage done to me over the years, just the worst of it. The night I left, I snuck into William’s office to take some money out of the safe that he kept there for emergency purposes. I never expected to see that file nestled in between money, savings bonds, life insurance policies and our wills. I grabbed the file and shoved it into my bag before I woke Emma up, took her from her bed and fled from the home I’d lived in for ten years. I’ve never looked at the file again after that night. I got to Brady’s and buried it at the bottom of my dresser drawer and pretended like it didn’t exist. I didn’t need to look at it to remember every single photograph and every single doctor’s note. The contents are burned into my brain and I see the scars each time I look in the mirror.

When I had to go to the hospital, William would sneak me in through a back door and take me to an unused room in an older part of the hospital. He would stitch me up himself, bandage my cuts or reset my broken bones and put on a cast. The entire time he was doing these things, he would tell me how much he loved me. While he gently poked a needle into my skin to numb the pain or dabbed wounds with gauze, he would tell me stories about the first time he saw me across the crowded room of the charity dinner or the first time he kissed me. He would speak with such love and devotion while he patched up the damage he had done to me. I don’t even remember him ever taking photos while we were in the hospital. The fact that he did, and that he kept them, makes me sick.

“I just talked to the florist. They have no idea who ordered the flowers. It was a busy day and the order was paid for in cash. They don’t even remember if it was a man or woman who ordered them,” Austin tells me as he shoves his phone in his pocket and sits down next to me on the couch.

Austin asked if the flowers outside the front door were the reason for my not coming in to work this morning and for the state he found me in when he got here. When I told him how William used to always give me orchids after he hurt me, Austin stormed out into the hall, picked up all three vases at once and chucked them into the garbage disposal shoot at the end of the hall, making sure to keep the card with the name of the florist on it.

“Those were the ugliest fucking flowers I’ve ever seen anyway,” he told me when he came back into the apartment.

“It’s him. I know it’s him. He’s still supposed to still be in New York,” I mutter to myself on the couch, thinking about the message on the card that read, “I hope these flowers bring back every memory of our time together.”

Austin puts his arm around my shoulders and I let myself lean into his comfort for just a few minutes.

“Maybe he’s not here. He could just have someone doing his dirty work for him. At this point, it’s just a flower delivery and nothing else has happened,” Austin reassures me.

I close my eyes and bow my head. “It’s not just the flowers. Other things have happened too,” I admit to him.

Feeling his arm tighten around me, I look up to see his nostrils flaring and a cold, hard look in his eyes.

“What else?” he asks through clenched teeth in a low voice.

I take a deep breath and tell him about the coffee mugs, the park and the drawing. When I’m finished, he pushes up from the couch quickly and starts pacing the room, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

He suddenly stops and looks at me. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me any of this before now? I’m supposed to be protecting you. How the fuck am I supposed to do that if you’re not honest with me?”

Without replying, I get up and walk past him into the kitchen, not wanting to wake Emma up. It’s about to get loud in here and she doesn’t need to hear any of it.

I hate that he’s angry with me for not telling him what was going on and I hate that it bothers me. This is my life, these were my secrets and now he knows everything. It was hard enough accepting his help at the office, let alone admitting to all of my mistakes. Does he think it’s a piece of cake to admit to someone else what a fool you were and to depend on another person again when everyone else has let you down?

I walk over to the sink, and rest my hands on the edge, staring down at the drain.

“You should have told me,” Austin says from behind me, his voice much more calm than a few minutes ago.

“I didn’t want you to know,” I tell him, turning around to face him.

He looks at me in confusion. “Why the hell wouldn’t you want me to know about this? I can help you; I can keep you safe.”

“I don’t need a hero to come to my fucking rescue!” I tell him indignantly.

“I saw what that bastard did to you for all those years and I’m not about to let it happen again,” he argues. “I’m not trying to be a hero, Gwen. This is my job, what I’m trained to do.”

I ignore the hurt I feel at his words. I don’t want to be just a job to him.

“God dammit, don’t you see? I HATE that you had to see that file. I hate that you’re looking at me the way you are right now – like I’m some weak, pathetic person who waited ten years before finally getting out of that hell. But most of all, I hate that it’s true! I hate myself every fucking day for not leaving sooner,” I admit, tears threatening to fall.

I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes to keep them at bay before dropping my arms to my sides and continuing. “I hate the person I used to be and I tried so hard to leave her behind. I changed the way I dressed, I changed my hair… I changed everything about myself, but I can’t change the past. I can’t make the memories go away and it scares the hell out of me. I don’t want-”

Austin’s hands frame my face and his lips are on mine, cutting me off mid-sentence just like I did to him the other night. Unlike that kiss though, this one is soft and slow. He takes his time coaxing my lips open before sliding his tongue gently through my mouth, his thumbs rubbing soothingly back and forth against my cheeks as he holds my face in his hands. I forget everything but the feel of his mouth on me and the way his tongue slowly circles around my own. He makes me forget why I’m scared and he makes me forget why I have to be strong on my own. My hands move up to cover his on either side of my face and I let him take me away with his kiss. I float away to a place where there are no scars and no fear, where I don’t have to look over my shoulder every second of the day and I can be whomever I want. I allow myself to let go and just drink in this man, memorizing the softness of his lips and the taste of his tongue as he works it through my mouth achingly slow.

Austin stops the kiss all too soon, placing one last soft peck on my lips before pulling his head away, his hands still holding onto my face.

“Let’s get one thing straight here – I have never thought you were weak or pathetic and I sure as fuck don’t think so right now. I can’t even imagine half of the shit you went through. I’ve seen SEALS break under a lot less. You did what you had to do for yourself and Emma, and that’s all that matters.”

Closing my eyes, I lean my head forward and he rests his chin on top.

“Now, you’re going to stop being so damn stubborn and let me help you. We’re going to track down this bastard and throw his fucking ass in jail.”

The sound of footsteps on the kitchen tile has me pulling away from Austin to see Emma standing there with a huge smile on her face.

“Ooooh, you said the BIG one. That will be ten dollars, please,” she tells Austin with her hand out.

I smile for the first time since I opened the apartment door this morning and saw the flowers. Austin sighs, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet.

“You know, pipsqueak, I’m going to be broke before long,” he tells her, smacking a ten dollar bill into her waiting hand.

Emma shrugs, sticking the money into the front pocket of her pants. “Well then, you should stop saying bad words.”

Austin laughs and shakes his head at her, bending over and scooping her up into his arms. Emma squeals and begs for mercy as he tickles her.

The phone on the wall in the kitchen rings and I’m still smiling as I walk over to answer it. “Hello?”

There’s silence on the other end of the line so I try again. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

I turn away from Austin and Emma carrying on over by the door and strain to hear through the line. I think I hear something, so I plug one ear and listen harder.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. What was that?”

The sounds of Austin and Emma laughing disappear as I hear the quiet, whispered words on the other end of the line. “You can’t hide forever.”

Quickly pulling the receiver away like it’s a snake about ready to strike, I slam it back into its cradle so hard that the base cracks.

I stare at the phone as I hear Austin speak to Emma. “Hey, pipsqueak, how about you go back into your room and pick out a movie for us to watch together, okay?”

“Can we watch The Pretty Pink Princesses?” Emma asks.

Austin groans. “Why can’t they be blue or yellow? Fine, Pretty Pink Princesses it is.”

Emma races out of the room and Austin walks over to me. “Who the hell was that?”

I wrap my arms around myself and rub away the goose bumps that formed as soon as I heard the whispered words. “I think it was him. I don’t know, I couldn’t tell. He spoke in a whisper and I could barely hear him. He said I couldn’t hide forever.”

Just repeating the words out loud fills me with fear.

“Son of a bitch. I’m calling a cop friend of mine that lives in New York. He can find out when this dick left the city and then get me in touch with local law enforcement here in Nashville,” Austin says.

Just then, the shrill ringing of the phone fills the kitchen once more. I immediately back away from the phone, not wanting anything to do with it now. Austin steps around me, yanks the receiver off the hook and shouts angrily into the phone.

“I swear to Christ if you call here again you cowardly piece of shit, I will rip out… oh, my bad. Sorry about that, hold on just a second.”

Austin turns and hands the phone out to me. “Sorry, it’s that friend of yours, Ellie.”

To say I’m in shock is an understatement. I really didn’t expect to hear from Ellie again any time soon after our disastrous meeting at the restaurant the other night. I’m not sure if I’m still pissed at her or not. Right now though, I’m scared for her. If William is trying to get to me, she’s going to be caught in the middle and no matter how mad or disappointed I am in her, I don’t want her to get hurt.

I reach out slowly and take the phone from Austin’s hand and bring it to my ear.

“Ellie, I didn’t think I’d-”

The sounds of her sobs through the line stop me. “Gwen, oh God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do. I never meant for this to happen and now he’s mad. He’s so mad.”

She starts crying harder and I look up at Austin, not knowing what to do.

“Ellie, calm down. What happened? Where are you?”

Ellie takes hiccupping breaths and it breaks my heart. “I’m still in Nashville. He followed me here, Gwen. I’m so scared.”

No matter what happened between us, Ellie is still my oldest and dearest friend. I’m not about to let the same thing happen to her that happened to me.

“Tell me where you are. I’m coming to get you.”

Chapter 15

Austin

I’m getting attached. Son of a bitch, I’m getting attached to these two girls and it’s making me do stupid shit like kiss Gwen again and move her and Emma in with me.

The kiss can be easily explained away – I hated the way she was putting herself down. She’s the strongest fucking woman I’ve ever met after the shit she went through and I wasn’t about to stand there and let her think otherwise. It was the only thing I could think to do to get her to stop feeling bad about herself.

The moving in thing? Well, obviously I had to do it. She and Emma couldn’t stay at Brady’s apartment when that asshole she’s married to knows where she lives and could come after her at any time. It’s not like it means anything or it’s a permanent thing. I live in a rental house; I’m not staying here forever and the girls will go back to their own place when all of this is done and I’ll move on to the next thing. I’m a SEAL; it’s my job to protect people no matter who they are.

I absolutely do not want a ready-made family and I’m sure I’ll regret having them in my personal space in no time. I like being alone, I’m used to being by myself and not having to answer to anyone and if anything, the two of them with all their girly pink shit all over the place will just make it easier to walk away when this is over.

Right, keep telling yourself that, buddy.

“Did you really need to bring all of the Barbies and every single outfit they own?” I ask Emma as she stands each of her dolls up against my couch cushions.

“I couldn’t leave them there, they’d be sad all alone,” Emma explains as she pulls the last doll out of her bag and places her on the coffee table, away from the others.

“Is there a reason why that Barbie is duct-taped to a Barbie chair?” Gwen asks, coming into the living room after making another call to Ellie.

Ellie was adamant that Gwen not come and get her. She was afraid for Gwen’s safety and didn’t want her anywhere near the hotel she was staying in just in case William came back. That was fine with me. It’s not like I was going to let Gwen go alone and get her anyway.

I look over at Gwen and pretend like it doesn’t feel right to have her in my place.

“She’s an insurance, mom. Mr. Austin and I were trying to get her to talk,” Emma answers.

Gwen looks at me in confusion and I laugh. “It’s insurgent, pipsqueak. And yep, that Barbie went off the rails so we had to take extreme measures.”

Gwen shakes her head and I walk towards the kitchen, motioning for her to follow. “We’ll be right back, pipsqueak. You keep working on Barbie over there and let me know if she gives up the goods.”

When we get into the kitchen, out of earshot of Emma, I ask her about Ellie. “So, what’s going on?”

Gwen sighs and takes a seat at the table. “She still won’t let me come and get her right now. She promised me she’d move to another hotel and call me as soon as she got there. I told her to make sure she isn’t followed; take lots of side streets and make a few wrong turns so she can watch in her mirror and make sure he isn’t tailing her. She should be calling me back in a few minutes and then I’m going to get her whether she likes it or not.”

Folding my arms across my chest, I look down at her. “You aren’t going anywhere. When she calls back, I’ll go and get her.”

Gwen opens her mouth to argue and I hold one of my hands up. “Nope. Don’t even think about it, darlin’. There is no way in hell I’m letting you go anywhere by yourself when there’s a chance that asshole could be there. He doesn’t know where you are right now and we’re keeping it that way.”

Gwen huffs, but she doesn’t argue again, thank God.

A half hour later, after Emma has turned my living room into her own personal fucking Barbie Dream House, Gwen gets the call from Ellie. She made it to another hotel and she assures Gwen that she wasn’t followed. With my firm instructions to Gwen that she isn’t to open the door for anyone and a sarcastic reply from her that she isn’t stupid, Gwen locks the door behind me and I head out to pick up Ellie.

On the ride over there, I call my friend on the force in New York.

“Hey, Mark, it’s Austin Conrad.”

“Well shit, long time no talk! What are you doing calling me? Shouldn’t you be somewhere in the middle of nowhere being Billy Badass and saving the world?” Mark asks.

Mark and I went to high school together and we’ve kept in touch over the years, trading favors back and forth.

“Eh, I’m doing a job for a friend in Nashville right now. Say, I need you to check on someone for me, guy by the name of William Stratford. He’s a doctor in New York City,” I tell him.

“Yeah, I know the guy. Well, I’ve heard of him. We don’t actually mingle in the same social circles,” Mark says with a laugh. “Stratford’s a big wig surgeon at Mount Sinai, gives a ton of money to charities, even gives a big chunk to the policeman’s ball every year. Good guy, everyone loves him. I’m pretty sure he’s slated for sainthood or some shit.”

Great. Just fucking great. This abusive douche has fooled everyone.

“Do you have any contacts with the Nashville police department?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’ve talked to them a couple of times. Why, what’s up?”

I pause, not sure how much I want to tell Mark. I trust him, but I don’t want it getting out that I’m asking about William in case it gets back to him and spooks the guy. I won’t be able to beat his ass if he disappears.

“I need you to call them and tell them to be on the lookout for Stratford. Tell them he’s not in trouble, he’s just wanted for questioning or some shit. I don’t care what you have to tell them – just make sure they do it.”

Mark is silent for a few long seconds. “Austin, what the fuck is going on? And how do you know Stratford is in Nashville?”

“It’s a long story. I promise I’ll fill you in when I can, just tell me you’ll do this for me.”

Mark sighs as I pull into the hotel parking lot where Ellie moved. “Fine, no problem. But I’m going to catch some slack for this you know. I’m not kidding when I say everyone loves the guy. Money talks around here and he’s one of the biggest contributors to the police force.”

Of course he is. What better way to get people to look the other way when he beats the shit out of his wife?

Mark promises to call me back after he’s talked to the Nashville PD and I end the call, sliding out of my car and heading to Ellie’s room. I make sure to check the parking lot for anything suspicious. Luckily, the lot is pretty empty and I don’t see anyone lurking around.

I walk up to room one-fifteen and knock on the door. “Ellie? It’s Austin Conrad.”

Gwen told Ellie who I was on the phone earlier and let her know I’d be the one coming to get her so she’d be expecting me. A few seconds later, the door is slowly pulled open and a woman with long, blonde hair peeks her head out, glancing nervously behind me into the parking lot.

She opens the door a little wider and when the sun streams into the room, I get a better look at her face. She’s got a busted, bloody lip and a small cut on her left cheek that’s starting to bruise.

Mother fucker.

“Do you need a doctor?” I ask her softly.

She shakes her head, picking up her purse from the floor and closing and locking the door behind her. She doesn’t say a word to me as we walk out to my car and I have a feeling she’s embarrassed. I think about all of those photos of Gwen in that file and I have to rub at a pain in my chest. Gwen was this person not that long ago. She was bruised and broken, scared to death and not knowing where to turn or who to trust. Thinking about the attitude she has now and the determination and fire in her eyes, I know I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she never has to go back to being like Ellie is right now.

The ride back to my place is quiet and I leave Ellie alone, waiting until she’s with Gwen to find out what the hell happened. It’s probably not easy for Ellie to be around some guy she doesn’t know when someone she thought she could trust did that to her face.

Unlocking the front door, I hold it open and let Ellie walk in first.

“Aunt Ellie!” Emma shouts excitedly, racing across the room and throwing herself against Ellie’s legs.

“Oh my goodness, look how big you’ve gotten!” Ellie tells her, speaking for the first time since I picked her up.

She lifts Emma into her arms and hugs her tightly. Emma pulls back and looks at her face in confusion. “Why do you have boo-boos on your face?”

Ellie places the palm of her hand over the cut on her cheek and smiles at Emma. “Oh, I just had a little accident. I’m fine.”

Gwen steps into the room from the hallway and the two women stare at each other over Emma’s head. I can see the anguish in Gwen’s eyes as she takes in the cut on Ellie’s lip and the quickly forming bruise on her cheek.

“Emma, baby, why don’t you grab your Barbies and go set them up in your room, okay? Aunt Ellie will come in and visit with you after she and mommy have a chance to talk.”

Ellie sets Emma down and she races over to the couch, filling her arms with as many dolls as she can carry before running past Gwen to one of the back bedrooms.

After Emma is gone, Gwen slowly walks up to Ellie. “He did this to you.”

It’s a statement, not a question. Ellie nods, her eyes filling up with tears. Gwen doesn’t hesitate before pulling her into her arms. “Shhh, it’s okay, everything’s going to be okay.”

Emma wraps her arms around Gwen’s shoulders. “I feel like such a fool. I saw what he did to you for all of those years. I really thought he had changed. I’m so stupid.”

Gwen pulls back and stares at Ellie. “You’re not stupid. You thought you could trust him and he took advantage of that. You can’t blame yourself; he’s the one who did something wrong, not you. It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

Ellie wipes her tears and heads to the back bedroom to play with Emma. When she’s gone, Gwen turns to look at me.

“I feel so bad for yelling at her the other night at dinner. When she told me she was dating William, I lost it. I should have done more to convince her to stay away from him,” Gwen says sadly.

I move towards her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against me. “I think it’s time for you to start taking your own advice. You can’t blame yourself for the actions of other people. Ellie knew what she was getting into by hanging around William. She made her own choices and there’s nothing you could have said or done that would have made a difference.”

As I hold onto Gwen and listen to Emma’s laughter coming from down the hall, I realize I’m good and truly fucked.

Walking away from them is going to be impossible.

Chapter 16

Gwen

Standing in the doorway of Austin’s spare bedroom, I watch silently as Austin lies in bed next to Emma and tells her a bedtime story. It’s an elaborate tale about princesses storming a castle and taking people hostage and I have to smother my laughs so they don’t notice me. Something tugs at my heart watching the two of them together and I’m thankful for the vibration of my cell phone in my pocket that pulls me away from the scene in front of me.

It’s stupid to get so choked up watching Austin with Emma. The most William ever did with her was pat her on the head or nod distractedly when she told him something.

Walking out into the living room, I pull my phone from my pocket and answer it.

“Gwendolyn, it’s your father.”

I haven’t spoken to my father since two weeks before I left William. My mother has made it clear when we’ve talked that he’s very disappointed in my decisions. Hearing his voice right now is strange. I should be happy that he’s finally reaching out to me, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a pleasant conversation. For a moment though, I wonder if something happened to my mother. That would probably be the only reason he would ever call me on his own.

“Dad, is everything okay?” I ask nervously.

Granted, my parents and I don’t have the best relationship, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be upset if something were to happen to one of them.

“Your mother is fine. That’s not why I’m calling. I received a very troubling call from the chief of police today,” he tells me.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, knowing exactly what this is about. Austin has been calling some of his contacts all day trying to find out where William is. Looks like news travels fast. I should have warned Austin that my father plays golf with the chief of police.

“I’ve been told there’s some sort of manhunt going on for William,” my father continues.

“Dad, it’s not a manhunt. We’re just trying to find out where he is, that’s all.”

My explanation falls on deaf ears.

“Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me, and for William? Chief Jackson called me out of courtesy, figuring I already knew what this is about considering it’s my own daughter who has involved the police in her childish nonsense.”

I shouldn’t be surprised that my father is still taking William’s side. No matter how many times I tried to go to my parents for help, they didn’t want to listen. They didn’t want to believe that the golden boy they loved more than their own son would be such a monster. It still hurts to hear my father so blatantly dismissive of my problems.

“I’m sorry you think that being abused by your husband for ten years is childish nonsense. But hey, don’t worry about your granddaughter or me; you just keep on worrying about yourself and your fucking reputation. I’ll take care of myself and my daughter on my own, just like I always have,” I fire at him angrily.

“I don’t even know you anymore, Gwendolyn. I don’t understand why you would do this; why you would turn into such an angry, foul person. You need to stop this foolishness once and for all. William is a good, hardworking man and he was a wonderful husband and father. He has been absolutely destroyed since you left him, and now this. If this gets out, he’s going to be ruined. His career will be over. Do you really want to do that to him?”

Gone is the anger I felt coursing through my veins just a moment ago. My father’s words roll right off of me and I suddenly feel nothing. I’m so tired of trying to plead my case with the people who should be supportive of me no matter what. I always thought my parents would stand by me and protect me. And then, one day when I needed them the most, they turned their backs on me. It’s time for me to do the same.

“Good-bye, dad,” I tell him softly.

“So, you’ll call this whole thing off? I knew if I spoke to you myself you’d see reason,” he informs me haughtily.

“No, I mean, good-bye. Don’t ever call me again. If you can’t stand up for your own daughter, then you can go to hell.”

I pull the phone away from my ear and end the call before he can say anything in reply. Tossing my phone on the couch, I head back down the hall to see Austin tiptoeing out of the spare bedroom, pulling the door closed softly behind him.

“She’s out like a light. Who knew little girls would be so excited listening to a story about princesses with AK-47’s and stuffed animals being blown up by RPG’s?” Austin says with a quiet laugh. “I washed the sheets on the bed. You can sleep in there and I’ll take the couch.”

I shake my head back and forth adamantly. “Oh, hell no. You are not sleeping on the couch in your own home. I’m perfectly fine sleeping on the couch or with Emma.”

“This isn’t even my house, it’s a rental,” Austin argues.

“Too bad. I’m not kicking you out of your own room,” I tell him, walking around him to the linen closet at the end of the hall. When he left to drop Ellie back off at her hotel a little while ago, I found that the closet was stocked with pillows and blankets for anyone who rented the place.

Filling up my arms with two blankets and two pillows, I close the door with my hip and walk past him. Austin shakes his head at me in frustration as I walk by.

“You are too damn stubborn for your own good,” he tells me as I turn the corner at the end of the hall and head over to the couch.

Emma is a bed hog and I know within ten minutes of getting into bed with her, I’ll be clinging to the edge trying not to fall off, so the couch it is.

I know I’m stubborn and I like to get my own way. I spent so long doing what everyone else demanded of me that it feels good to put my foot down and do what I want, even if it’s something as silly as sleeping on the couch when there’s a perfectly good bed right down the hall with a very attractive man in it.

* * *

At two in the morning, I’m sorely regretting the idea of sleeping on the couch. It’s hard and uncomfortable and I’ve been tossing and turning since I laid down, but I know that has nothing to do with why sleep is eluding me. The phone call from my father has been playing over and over in my head all night. I tried to block it out, to forget how hurtful his words were, but I couldn’t. Why do I always put my trust in the wrong people? Looking across the dark room and down the hallway, my eyes gradually adjust to the blackness and I see the outline of Austin’s door. Do I trust him? I know that he’ll do whatever he can to keep Emma and me safe. I trust him with our lives, but what about my heart? Every time I’m with him, I feel myself weakening where he’s concerned. I feel myself drawn to him, wanting more and it scares the hell out of me. I’ve grown accustomed to people in my life letting me down. Even Brady, who I trusted more than anyone else in the world, left me alone and he never looked back, never caring enough to find out about my life or the hell I was going through. I understand why he did it; he had to get away and make a clean break, leave before our parents turned him into someone he never wanted to be – them. Understanding it doesn’t lessen the hurt, but he’s done everything he could to make it up to me and I love him for that.

Austin is quickly worming his way into my heart and I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t stay away from him no matter how hard I try. The way he kissed me in the kitchen this morning was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I know he’s not the type of man who would want to settle down with a single mom and I feel like a fool for even entertaining that thought. I don’t want or need another man in my life complicating things, but I’m a grown woman and I have needs that my own fingers just can’t fulfill anymore. I know he wants me; I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at me and I’ve felt the evidence of his need between my legs twice now. Just thinking about the night in Brady’s kitchen when Austin pushed me up against the fridge has a tingle of desire blooming between my legs. Rubbing my thighs together, I think back to just how close I was to coming.

Sliding my hand underneath the blanket, I press my fingers to my clit over the top of my underwear and close my eyes, remembering the push of his tongue through my mouth and the hardness in his jeans rubbing against me. I touch myself with thoughts of Austin’s hands and Austin’s mouth on me, but after a few minutes, I yank my hand away in frustration. It’s not the same and it’s just not doing it for me.

Without thinking about what I’m doing, I fling the blanket off of me and push myself up from the couch. I quickly pad barefoot down the hall wearing nothing but a tank top and my lacy boy shorts, leaving my drawstring yoga pants draped over the arm of the couch. When I get to Austin’s door, I hesitate with my hand on the knob. If I open this door it will change everything. Austin will either turn me down and it will be a huge mistake, or he’ll give me what I’m asking for… and it will still be a huge mistake.

Fuck it.

Chapter 17

Austin

I can’t sleep.

And it’s not because I know Gwen is just a few feet away sleeping on my couch, although that doesn’t help. Hanging around a kid lately has made me think about the past. It’s not something I ever willingly think about.

Fifteen foster homes by the time I was eighteen and could get the fuck out. Never once did anyone read me a bedtime story, play with me or treat me with anything other than indifference. I look at Emma and think about what Gwen went through and I’m so fucking amazed. Emma is happy and sweet… for a kid. Gwen made sure none of the horrors she went through touched Emma and she got her out of that house before it could.

I wish someone would have given two shits about me growing up and done something similar. Having Emma sleeping in my spare room and Gwen wandering through the house today makes me want things I never thought I would. It makes me tired of always being alone and never having anyone to come home to after a tiring mission. Gwen would never be satisfied with a man who came and went all the time; she deserves a man who will cherish her and be there for her every step of the way. I’m a fucking idiot for even entertaining these thoughts.

The click of my bedroom door pulls me away from my pity party and the moonlight streaming in from my bedroom window illuminates the room just enough that I can make out Gwen standing in the doorway. Her legs are bare and the white tank top she’s wearing practically glows in the dark. I can see it hugging tightly to her chest as my eyes take her in from head-to-toe.

I hold my breath and don’t move, watching her as she quietly closes the door behind her and comes over to the bed. She hesitates for a moment at the edge and I wonder if she’s going to turn and run out of the room. I have no idea what the fuck she’s doing in here, but I can’t form any words to ask her. My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth and my dick throbs as I stare at her standing next to my bed wearing practically nothing. I hear her take a deep breath and watch her bite her bottom lip. Slowly, so as not to freak her out, I lift up the edge of the blankets – a silent invitation for her to join me.

Gwen quickly slides into bed and turns away from me as I pull the covers up over her. I roll over to my side and slide my arm around her waist, my palm grazing the bare skin of her stomach where her tank top has ridden up.

She scoots backwards until her ass is nestled right against my dick and her back is pressed up against my front. We lie there like this for several quiet minutes. Right when I start to ask her what’s going on, she presses her palm to the top of my hand and begins pushing it down. I hold my breath as she guides my hand down her taut stomach and stops when I’m cupping the lace and heat between her legs.

I squeeze my eyes closed and bend my head down until it’s buried in Gwen’s hair. I hold my hand completely still even though it’s killing me not to touch her more, to move her underwear to the side and feel her bare.

“What are you doing?” I finally whisper.

She shifts her hips and presses down harder on my hand. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. I just need to feel something other than scared. I just want to forget about everything for a little while.”

As much as it pains me, I remove my hand from between her legs and move it to her hip. “We’re not doing anything just so you can forget what’s going on. When it’s all said and done, all that shit will still be waiting for you to deal with and taking whatever this is between us further is just going to complicate things more.”

She turns her head on the pillow to look back at me over her shoulder. “Stop being so fucking stubborn, Austin.”

Gwen throws my words back at me and I’d laugh if I weren’t suddenly overcome with the need to hear her say my name again.

I’m such a fucking pussy when it comes to this woman.

“I married William right out of college. I’d never had sex with anyone before or after him. I forgot what it’s like to have a man touch me without being afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.”

Her quiet admission guts me. How in the fuck can I ever deny her anything? She’s been through hell and back and right now, she just wants me to take it all away. I may not be husband or father material, and I know I’m absolutely not the guy for Gwen, but I can do this. I can give her what she needs right here, right now. I can do this for her and it doesn’t have to mean anything… it can’t.

Not taking my eyes off of her, I slide my hand back down between her legs, this time, inching my fingers under the lace waistband of her underwear. I watch as her mouth falls open with a gasp when my hand travels lower and my fingers slide through the lips of her pussy. I let out a groan when I feel how wet she is. Sliding my hand back, I let the tips of my fingers circle her clit slowly. Gwen closes her eyes and starts to turn her head away from me and I still my fingers.

“Open your eyes and look at me.”

Gwen blinks her eyes back open and stares at my mouth as I start moving my fingers again. “Keep your eyes on me. When you come, I want you to know it’s me doing this to you.”

She whimpers as I push my middle finger inside of her and use my thumb to rub her clit. The feel of her coating my fingers and the breathy sounds she makes as I pump my finger in and out of her makes me want to bury myself inside of her. I want to feel that heat wrapped around my cock. I want to feel her pussy throb around me when she loses control.

Gwen’s arm comes back behind her and she wraps her hand around my neck, pulling me down to her mouth. I add a second finger to the first and easily slide in and out of her, my tongue swirling through her mouth in a matching rhythm.

Her hips start to move against my hand, pushing me deeper as she rides my fingers and helps me give her pleasure. Right when her breathing picks up and I know she’s seconds away from coming, she pulls her mouth away from me and her free hand clutches onto mine, halting my movements.

“Stop. I don’t want to come without you inside me,” she mumbles, staring up into my eyes.

Her words shoot right to my dick and I’m so hard right now I feel like I could break fucking glass. This was supposed to be just about her – giving her pleasure and ignoring whatever fucking needs I might have. She shifts her hips, pushing both of our fingers through her wetness and I’m lost.

I quickly pull my hand out from under hers and shove my boxer briefs down as far as I can reach, immediately reaching for her lacy underwear and yanking them down her thighs so she can kick them the rest of the way off.

Gwen brings one of her legs up and hooks it back over my knee, opening herself up to me. I wrap my hand around my cock and guide it between her legs from behind, sliding the tip through her wetness until I find her entrance. I bring my arm back around her waist until my fingers find her clit again, working my fingertips in a circle, around and around and slowly inch my way inside of her.

She opens her leg wider, her body stretching to fit me while she pants softly as I work my way inside. I take my time, sliding in a little and then pulling back out before pushing in a little further than before, over and over until I’m as deep as I can go.

“Jesus Christ you feel good,” I mutter, bringing my head down to the side of her neck and nipping at her skin.

She answers me by pulling her hips forward until my cock almost slips out of her and then she quickly pushes her ass back against me until I’m buried deep again, both of us moaning in unison.

I hold still, knowing if I don’t keep this slow, I’m going to hurt her with the force of my need for her. She’s too hot, too wet and so tight I want to weep like a fucking baby.

“Are you okay?” I breathe against her neck as my cock throbs inside of her.

She turns her head back towards me and kisses me, her tongue darting out to skim across my bottom lip before she whispers against my mouth. “I’d be better if you started moving.”

Jesus Christ, I love her smart mouth.

Pushing myself up on my elbow so I can look down at her, I pull my hips back and quickly slam inside her, unable to control myself any longer. My fingers start moving over her clit again as I pump myself in and out of her, over and over until her body is sliding up and down the bed with the force of my thrusts. I know I should slow down; savor this moment and take my time with her, but I can’t.

I knew fucking her would be the death of me. I want to stay inside of her forever and never come up for air. I want to pound away all of the bullshit baggage we both have until nothing else matters but what we’re doing right now.

Her hips move against my hand and I use two fingers to rub her clit. I thrust into her body over and over until there’s nothing left of my thoughts but how good it feels to be inside of her. The sounds of our bodies slapping together and Gwen’s low, throaty moans fill the room and turn me on even more. She’s so small and for a moment I’m afraid I’m going to break her in half with the force of my need for her, but her hips move with me, taking everything I have to give.

Her breath is coming out in gasps and I know she’s close to coming. I thank God for that because I’m not going to be able to hold off much longer. I move my fingers faster and fuck her harder.

“Oh fuck… fuck I’m coming. Austin… oh my God…”

Her whispered curses against mouth and the way she moans my name pushes me over the edge. She comes against my hand and I start thrusting harder until I explode, my orgasm barreling out of me with the force of a freight train. I come inside of her while her body shakes against me.

I thrust my hips a few more times, prolonging my release until I collapse behind her, both of us sweaty and panting heavily. When I’m finally able to catch my breath, I pull out of her with a wince, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her back against me.

I listen to the sound of her breathing as she drifts off to sleep and the only thought in my mind is that I didn’t use a condom.

Son of a bitch.

Chapter 18

Gwen

I awake in bed on my stomach, the feel of a hand skimming down my back. Blinking my eyes open, I stare out the window across from me and see that the sun is just coming up. It takes me a minute to remember where I am, but the ache between my legs brings everything back.

Turning my head on the pillow, I see Austin sitting up against the headboard. I swallow thickly when I get a look at his bare chest. It was so dark in the room last night that I could barely see him. His chest is smooth and cut with muscles, and there’s a tattoo over his left pec.

I stare at the words for a few seconds before reading them softly out loud. “All gave some, but some gave all.”

Austin’s hand stills on my back and he watches me read the names listed underneath the quote. There are two men’s names – first and last and their Naval rank.

“You’re job is dangerous.” It’s a statement, not a question. When I realized Brady wasn’t going to volunteer information about his work with the SEALS, I tried asking him a few times but he always changes the subject. I often wondered if he didn’t want to talk because it was top-secret stuff I wasn’t supposed to know about, or if there were things that happened that he didn’t want to remember.

A cloud passes over Austin’s face and I realize the latter is probably the truth.

Just as quickly, the haunted look in his eyes is gone, replaced by a lopsided smile. “I’m a SEAL, darlin’. We live for danger.”

I roll my eyes at him and turn over in bed, pulling the sheet up with me as I shuffle up to the headboard next to him. “You can cut it with the flirting and panty-dropping smile. I’m immune to your charms, Austin Conrad.”

He chuckles, reaching over and sliding the sheet down until my breasts are exposed to him. He places the palm of his hand over one breast, his thumb moving back and forth over my nipple until it hardens.

“Immune, huh?” he whispers with a raise of his eyebrow.

I swat his hand away, pulling the sheet back up to cover my chest. In the process, I have to lean away from him and my right arm is no longer pushed up against his. Too late I realize that everything that happened between us last night was done under the cover of night. The sun is up now and the light is streaming in through the windows. I quickly try to cover up the scar on my arm with my left hand, but Austin reaches out and stops me.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispers, staring at the long red scar that goes from my elbow up to the mid point of my arm.

I look away from him, blinking back tears. This is why I should have gone with my gut instinct and not done this with him. I have scars marking so many different parts of my body, but this one is the worst. Each mark on my skin reminds me of what a coward I was for so long and now Austin can see all of them. He told me I wasn’t weak or pathetic, but that was before he saw the evidence that I clearly was. I might as well shatter his illusions for good.

“This was from the last night I let him touch me,” I begin quietly, staring down at my hands in my lap. “William was always insecure and jealous, accusing me of sleeping with everyone from one of his fellow surgeons to the UPS man. He called me a whore and a tease and then shattered my Humerus bone in three places. My radial nerve was torn and I had to have surgery to put everything back together, and now I have a wonderful reminder to look at every day of what an idiot I was.”

Austin places his hand over my arm and rubs his palm up and down the scar that required twenty staples to keep it closed.

“How many times do I have to tell you to cut that shit out? Your scars do not define you. They’re a badge of fucking courage and you should be proud of yourself for surviving. You’re still alive, Emma is still alive and as far as I can tell, you’ve done one hell of a job making sure none of this shit touched her. We all have scars, Gwen, some of yours just happen to be on the outside.”

Leaning my head against the headboard, I reach out and run my fingers over the tattoo on his chest. “Is this one of your scars?”

I realize suddenly that I don’t know that much about Austin’s past. He’s always so sure of himself and cocky, but I know he’s seen things he wishes he could forget. He’s been to war and he’s been in countries where horrible things happen right in front of you and he’s lost friends that he felt so strongly about he memorialized them on his skin forever. He told me he grew up in foster care and that it wasn’t a picnic, but he never really elaborated. He knows everything about me now – all of my deep, dark secrets from my past and I barely know anything about him. Why did he join the Navy? What happened to his parents? Why hasn’t he ever settled down and had children? Much to my amazement, he’s been wonderful with Emma. He’s patient with her, makes her laugh and she seems to adore him. There’s more to him than the arrogant smile and cocky attitude and I want to know what made him the person he is.

I trace each name on his skin and wait for him to respond. After a few seconds, he mirrors my pose with his head against the headboard and sighs.

“No, not a scar, just a way to honor some men who gave their lives without a second thought,” he tells me.

Austin pulls my hand away from his chest and brings it up to his mouth, flipping it over and kissing my palm before bringing both of our hands back to rest against his warm skin. “This job, it means everything to me. Those men are my family and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for each and every one of them. I can never turn my backs on them and I can never let them down.”

He’s so strong in his convictions that I can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to relay something else through these words. Even though I have no idea what this thing is between us and I have no idea what the future will hold, I would hope that he would know I would never ask him to give up something that important to him. I don’t know if this was a one-time thing or if it’s something more. Hell, I don’t even know if I want something more right now. I know the kind of person he is; I know his job is his life and it doesn’t matter if this thing ends right now or continues on after the mess of my life is cleared up, I would never try to make him into something he’s not. I have too much experience with that to ever do it to someone else.

Before I can try to put my thoughts into words, Austin’s cell phone rings on the nightstand. He lets go of my hand and reaches over to answer it.

While I listen to the one-sided conversation, I slip out of bed and fish my underwear out from the foot, buried under the covers. I walk over to the door and slowly open it, listening for sounds of Emma. When I’m certain she’s still asleep, I tiptoe out into the hall and go to the living room, grabbing my yoga pants off of the couch where I left them last night and slide into them. The gentle throbbing between my legs as I slide on my pants brings back memories of everything that happened last night. I’ve never done something that crazy before. I’ve never just thrown caution to the wind and begged a man to give me pleasure. In the beginning, William was the one with experience so he always took the lead when we had sex. After we were married, I lost my voice and all of my desires were pushed aside to make way for what William wanted, what William needed.

I knew as soon as Austin touched me that something was changing between us and I feel a twinge of insecurity wondering if it’s just one-sided. I was a fool to think I could sleep with him just to scratch an itch. I’m not that person. I’ve only slept with one other man in my entire life and I did it because I loved him. I don’t give myself to anyone easily and I barely gave it a second thought before I did just that with Austin.

He comes out of the bedroom a few minutes later wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt as I finish folding the blankets and stacking them with the pillow on top at the end of the couch.

“That was my contact at the police station in New York. He did some digging and found out William was registered for a conference in Chicago, but never showed up. No one has seen or heard from him in a week,” he explains.

“My lawyer told me about the conference when I called her to check on his whereabouts after Karen called me that day in the park,” I explain to him. “Someone is bound to find out something soon. Word is traveling fast over there. My father called last night and wasn’t too happy that the police chief called him and told him I was staging some sort of ‘manhunt’ for William.”

Austin curses and shakes his head. “God dammit, I told Mark to be discreet when he asked around. I’m sorry about that.”

I shrug. “It’s fine. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from my father. My parents have never taken my side in any of this. They are convinced that William was a model husband and father and I should put an end to all this nonsense.”

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters. “How in the hell did you turn out so normal?”

I laugh and head into the kitchen to see if Austin has the makings for breakfast. Emma is going to be up soon and I want to make her something nice. After that, I’m going to call Ellie to check up on her and try to convince her to stay here with us until William is found.

“I don’t know if I’d call myself normal,” I tell him, pulling open the fridge. I glance at the contents and I’m surprised to see it’s stocked with food. I figured a single man, especially one who travels for a living, would just have mustard and expired cheese in here. I start pulling out eggs, milk, bacon, orange juice and cheddar cheese, stacking everything on the counter.

I turn to see Austin staring at me with a weird look on his face.

“What?” I ask in confusion.

He stares for a few seconds longer before shaking his head to clear his thoughts. “Nothing. I’m just… I need to make some more phone calls. I’ll be in the bedroom if you need me.”

Austin turns and walks out of the kitchen and I get busy making omelets, forgetting about the expression on Austin’s face and the way he hurried out of the kitchen and away from me.

Chapter 19

Austin

“Okay, so, you’ve got your 9mm, your .22, your .38 Special, and your .357. You probably can’t handle anything more than that, so take your pick.”

Crossing my arms in front of me, I take a step back as Gwen looks through the display glass at the firing range for a gun she’ll like. After what happened yesterday, I’m not taking any chances with her safety. Brady will probably kill me for teaching his baby sister how to use a gun, but too fucking bad. I’ve left him a few messages and he hasn’t called me back.

Given her nasty ass temper, arming Gwen with a weapon probably isn’t the best idea, but I needed a distraction that only the shooting range can provide. I need to erase the picture of Gwen standing in my kitchen pulling the fixings for breakfast out of my fridge like she belonged there. I started thinking about lazy Sunday mornings and curling up on the couch with my two girls while we munched on pancakes.

And right there’s the fucking problem – they’re not my girls.

Even if they were, the lazy Sundays would be few and far between. There would just be two girls sitting at home alone wondering when the fuck I would be coming home from whatever mission I was on.

Time to think about something else, asshole.

We’ve been standing in the show room of the gun shop, which is attached to the firing range, for thirty minutes. I’ve gone over each firearm in detail ten times, and if she doesn’t pick one soon, I’m going to stomp my foot and throw a temper tantrum the likes of which even a woman with a kid has never seen.

“I want a pink one, Austin,” Gwen finally says, looking up from the case and straight at me.

“I’m sorry, what?”

She huffs out an irritated breath and mirrors my pose with her arms crossed in front of her.

“I said, I want a pink one. Where are the pink ones?”

I bite my lip so I don’t say something completely irrational like, “Are you fucking kidding me with this pink shit? Just pick a fucking gun already!” I take a deep breath and a step closer to her.

“This is a gun shop. A place where people come to pick out deadly weapons and then go out back to practice firing at deadly people. Pink does not equal deadly.”

Gwen takes a step closer to me as well until she’s right up in front of me with her hands on her hips and the subtle smell of her perfume is tickling my nose and making me want to lick her. My mind immediately fills with the sounds of her coming last night until I want to haul her into the closest room like a caveman and fuck her again. Unfortunately, the reminder that I didn’t use a condom overshadows all those wonderful thoughts. I didn’t use a fucking condom. What the hell was I thinking?

That nothing else mattered right then but getting inside of her.

Jesus Christ, what if she’s pregnant? Fantasizing about having her and Emma in my life for good is a far cry from it actually happening, and with a screaming baby in tow. It suddenly feels warm in here and I have to wipe a bead of sweat off of my forehead.

“I. Want. A. Pink. Gun,” she says softly, enunciating each word with a fierce gleam in her eyes.

She’s so tiny I could scoop her up with one arm and probably carry her in my pocket, but standing here right now, so determined with her hands on her hips and an attitude on her face, she looks ten feet tall. If I don’t give her what she wants, she’s going to find a fucking pink gun and shoot me in the balls with it.

“How about we just pick out a nice, shiny, black one for today, and when we’re done, I’ll order you a pink gun. I’ll even order you a pink holster with sparkles on it,” I beg her.

Normally, I could spend all day in the gun shop talking weapons with the owner and testing out new items. Using the words “pink” and “sparkles” in the same sentence at a fucking gun shop makes me want to puke in my mouth a little.

“Ooooooh, sparkles! Mommy, you should get a gun with sparkles!”

We both turn and look at Emma standing a few feet away from us, brushing the hair of another damn Barbie in her hand. No matter where I go, I can’t escape the Barbies. It’s like I’m in Barbie hell.

“Good idea, baby! Can I get a pink gun with sparkles too?” Gwen asks.

“Jesus H…YES! We can bedazzle any fucking thing in this store you want, just pick one!” I growl at her.

“Pay up, Mr. Austin,” Emma pipes up from right next to me.

Fucking hell.

I look down and she’s got her hand out, palm up, waiting for her payment. I pull my wallet out of my back pocket and take out a twenty.

“Here, pipsqueak, I have a feeling your mother is going to cost me a lot of money today,” I tell her as she grabs the bill from my hand and shoves it into the front pocket of her jeans.

“Okay, fine,” Gwen finally says with a sigh. “I guess I’ll take that black and silver one right there.”

I lean over her shoulder and see that she’s pointing to a Kel-Tec 9mm.

“Good choice,” I tell her with a nod as I signal the owner so he can get it out of the case.

Gwen turns her face towards me and our noses are practically touching. I can feel her breath on my face and I know if I don’t move away, I’m going to be hard as a rock in two seconds. This woman drives me fucking insane, but she’s also hot as hell and the strongest person I’ve ever been around considering what her life has been like. Even though I don’t like the direction of my thoughts lately where Gwen’s concerned, there’s nothing this woman does that can’t turn me on.

“Since I can’t use a pink gun today, can I get a pair of those ear muff thingies in pink for when I’m shooting? And do they have those with sparkles?”

I take that back.

“If you want to test it out, my wife’s in the back room with a plate of fresh cookies. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind a little company,” the owner tells us, nodding in Emma’s direction.

Just then, a nice, older woman of about fifty steps out of that room with a warm smile on her face. “I would love some company. I can’t eat all of these cookies by myself.”

Emma looks up at Gwen with a pleading look on her face.

“Okay, but just for a few minutes. And not too many cookies or you won’t eat your dinner,” Gwen tells her.

Emma races around the counter and the woman smiles at Gwen. “We’ll be right in here when you’re finished, take your time.”

Gwen thanks her and I grab her new gun off of the counter as well as a box of bullets. With a wink, the owner hands Gwen a pair of pink ‘ear muff thingies’ and we head out through the back door to the indoor range. I find us an empty booth and walk up to the counter, opening up the box of bullets and loading the gun.

“The first time you pull the trigger, it’s going to scare the shit out of you. This gun is small, but it still has a lot of kickback when it fires. Don’t try to aim with the first shot, just pull the trigger and get it over with,” I explain to her as I finish loading the gun and hand it to her after she finishes putting the shooting muffs over her ears.

“Is this the trigger thingy?” she asks, pointing to the safety.

“No, darlin’. That makes it so you don’t shoot someone in the face by accident,” I tell her in a placating voice.

This is why I don’t spend a lot of time with chicks after I sleep with them.

“Can you show me how to hold this thing? I don’t know how I’m supposed to stand,” she complains.

Walking behind her, I reach around and grab her elbows, bringing her arms up in front of her. I slide my hands down her arms until I’m holding onto her wrists to keep her arms steady.

I bend my head down until my mouth is right by her covered ear. “Now, spread your legs just a little.”

She does as I tell her and her ass brushes against my crotch. I force myself to think about crying babies and shitty diapers and why sleeping with her again is a bad idea as she leans back into me.

Wrapping my hands around hers, I help her aim the gun at the target ten yards away.

“That paper looks so far away. I’m never going to be able to hit that,” Gwen complains.

I don’t bother telling her that I can hit the bulls-eye every single time at twenty-five yards away; I don’t want to make her feel bad.

“You’ll be fine. Just take a deep breath and then pull the trigger when you let the air out,” I instruct.

I keep my arms around her, trying to hold her arms steady for her so she can just concentrate on firing. Keeping one hand around hers, I slowly move the other one to the top of the gun and pull back the slide release to drop a bullet into the chamber. Moving my hand back around hers, I wait for her to pull the trigger.

I feel her take a deep breath and then the gun goes off, Gwen’s body jerking back against mine. We both lower our arms and stare down the lane at the target. There isn’t a hole anywhere on the paper, which means she completely missed the thing.

“It’s alright. I didn’t hit the target the first time I ever shot a gun either. You just need a little more practice,” I tell her.

“I want to try again,” she tells me.

“Do you want me to help you?” I ask, moving closer to her and resting my hands on her hips.

Aiming the gun at the ground, she quickly pulls the slide release back like a pro and loads another bullet before bringing the gun back up in front of her. She looks over her shoulder at me and smiles. “Nope, I think I’ve got it.”

I warily take a step back and cross my arms, wondering how the hell she was able to pull that release back so perfectly the first time – those bastards can be tricky. She positions her legs shoulder-width apart, takes a deep breath and fires, the bullet ripping through the red bulls-eye in the middle.

My mouth drops open in shock and my hands fall to my sides as she quickly drops another bullet in the chamber, aims the gun and fires once more.

Just like before, the bullet hits the bulls-eye, this time a centimeter away from the first hole. She pulls the release back one more time and fires off a third shot, the hole from the bullet blossoming in between the other two.

“Jesus Christ,” I mutter as she sets the gun down on the counter, takes off the pink muffs and turns around to face me.

“You totally just played me, didn’t you?” I ask her in awe.

Gwen laughs, walking up to me and patting me on the shoulder. “Did you honestly think Brady wouldn’t have taught me how to use a gun when I got here? My favorite color is pink, but that doesn’t mean I can’t shoot a fucking gun.”

And just like that, my dick is hard. Again.

She walks away from me with a smile on her face and all I can do is shake my head.

Chapter 20

Gwen

After I shocked the hell out of Austin at the firing range, we went back to his place and I called Ellie to check up on her. I’m glad she decided to stay in Nashville until we find out where William is; I want her close so nothing else happens to her.

Ellie drove back to Austin’s house earlier and I tried to convince her over dinner to just stay here with us until William is found. She was adamant that she had caused enough trouble by bringing William closer to me and she didn’t want to be in the way. Austin put his foot down and told her she was staying, end of story. Emma was over the moon about it and decided that she and Aunt Ellie were going to have a slumber party in her room tonight. I can hear them talking and laughing down the hall as I clean up the dinner dishes in the kitchen.

Austin’s been acting a little strange since we got home. I tried teasing him about the shooting range again and he nodded distractedly instead of joining me in a verbal sparring match like he normally would. When Emma and Ellie disappeared to the bedroom, I walked up behind him in the living room where he was staring out the front window and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He immediately pulled away and said he had some phone calls to make. He hasn’t come out of his bedroom since then.

I’m not really used to the cold shoulder from him and I don’t know what to make of it. Does he regret sleeping with me last night? Maybe he’s decided all of my baggage is too much for him to handle. I hate feeling so conflicted and torn up over a man. I spent too many years like this and I’m pissed at myself for heading down a path I swore I’d never walk again.

I have enough going on in my life without adding this to the list of shit I have to worry about at the moment. Austin messes with my head and makes me forget the real world and I can’t afford to do that right now no matter how much I want to.

“I just got off the phone with Cole,” Austin says, walking into the kitchen and interrupting my thoughts. “I had him look up flight manifests for William. Turns out, he never even booked a flight to Chicago for that medical conference or one to come here. He’s been off the radar for a week now.”

Hearing this doesn’t make me feel any better; it just means he’s going to be even harder to track down. It also solidifies the fact that I have no business worrying about what’s going on in Austin’s head when there are more important things to worry about like keeping Emma safe.

“He probably drove. Can the police put out a bulletin to search for his license plate or something?” I ask, turning around to face him.

“Mark had a hard enough time convincing them to be on the look-out for him since the guy isn’t really wanted for any type of criminal behavior, even though he should be. There’s no way they’ll put out an APB for his car without a warrant. Fuck, I really wish you would have filed a report on him at some point,” he complains, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

I can’t stop the anger that ripples through me. How many times did I curse myself over the years for not doing that exact thing? I don’t need it thrown back in my face right now.

“Do you honestly think I don’t know that? Do you think I haven’t replayed every single moment of the last ten years over and over again and wished I had done things differently? You have no idea what it was like. There were so many good times mixed in with the bad – times when he acted like the man I fell in love with,” I explain to him. “Deciding to walk away from the only thing you’ve ever known is not an easy thing to do. I’m the one who has to live with those mistakes and I don’t need a reminder, especially from you.”

I move to walk out of the room and Austin grabs my arm to stop me. “Dammit, I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m just frustrated with the situation.”

As if I’m not. This is my daughter’s life on the line here. I’ve opened myself up to this man more than I have with anyone else. I’ve told him things I never wanted anyone to know about me because I thought I could trust him.

Shrugging out of his hold, I head towards the living room.

“Gwen, come on. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

I stop in the doorway and turn to face him while he continues. “This whole thing is just one big clusterfuck and I’m not used to that. I’m used to going into a situation, coming up with a plan and getting shit done. It doesn’t help that I can’t stop thinking about last night and wonder if we fucked up.”

“Wow, I didn’t realize sleeping with me would be considered a fuck up,” I tell him sarcastically.

“God dammit! Once again, that’s not what I meant. This is coming out all wrong. Sleeping with you wasn’t a fuck up by a long shot. I just meant the fact that we didn’t use any kind of protection was a fuck up.”

Oh you have got to be kidding me. That’s what his problem is right now?

“For your information, I have an IUD so you don’t have to worry about any kind of fuck up like that happening,” I tell him angrily.

“I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole. I’m just not this person,” he admits.

“I’m sorry, what person?”

He throws his hands up in the air in exasperation. “The kind of person who does the whole domestic bullshit. That’s just not me. I’m not a father and I’m not a husband.”

Shaking my head at him, I turn and walk out of the room. “I don’t remember ever asking you to be.”

He calls out to me as I walk away. “Gwen.”

I roll my eyes and keep walking. “Screw you.”

* * *

I spent the rest of the night in the spare bedroom with Ellie and Emma watching a Disney movie on the small television on the dresser. I didn’t even bother going out to the living room to sleep; I didn’t want to run into Austin for fear I would tell him everything I was thinking.

Typical man naturally assuming that after he slept with a woman she’d want more. What do I care if he thinks he’s not husband or father material? It’s not like I want that for myself again anyway. He was so freaked out about the possibility that I might have gotten pregnant after last night that he completely belittled what we shared. It meant something to me, dammit. I went into his room just wanting a release, just wanting to forget and I walked out of that room the next morning wishing I was a different person, wishing I had more to give because I thought he deserved it. It would be best for me to just forget it ever happened. My only concern right now is my daughter and doing whatever I can to give her a good life.

I drift off to sleep thinking about the choices I’ve made, knowing they were the best I could have done at the time.

I raced around the room, stuffing as many things as I could into the navy blue duffle bag I found in the back of our closet. Having one arm in a cast and two broken ribs made hurrying next to impossible, but I had to do it. This was my only chance. When I left the hospital earlier, the doctor gave me strict orders that I was to stay in bed for the next week and heal the damage caused by my ‘car accident’.

After William left me crumpled up on the floor three days ago to play poker with his friends, I knew he wouldn’t be taking me to the hospital to fix me up himself. With a call to Ellie to have her come over and watch Emma, I drove myself to a hospital in the next county – one in a bad neighborhood with a reputation for never asking questions, and one I hoped William would never find me in.

Unfortunately, when William came home from playing Poker and found Ellie at the house, he threatened to make her life a living hell if Ellie didn’t tell him where I was. She had no choice but to give him the name of the hospital; at that point, she feared him as much as I did. When I came to the next morning to find him leaning over my bed with a sick smile on his face, I knew my time was running out. If I didn’t get away from him immediately, he would make sure I was taken away from Emma permanently.

When the doctor told me I was lucky they were able to repair the damage to my arm and that it was touch-and-go if I’d ever be able to use it properly again, I knew I was done. I knew I would never be able to continue living like that. The day I came home from the hospital, I found a note from William that he had been called into an emergency surgery that would take most of the night. I didn’t have time to think or hesitate – it was now or never.

After I finished packing my bag, I crept into Emma’s room and added some of her clothes, a few Barbies and one stuffed animal. I tried not to let myself break down at the thought of taking my little girl away from everything she knew and loved.

“Baby, wake up,” I told her gently, running my hand down her head.

She grumbled in her sleep and slowly blinked her eyes open. “Hi, mommy.”

I smiled, pulling the covers off of her and helped her sit up. “I’m sorry baby, we need to go somewhere. I promise you can go back to sleep in just a little bit.”

She yawned and got out of bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Are we going on a trip?”

I tried not to wince in pain as I got down on my knees to help her out of her pajamas and into a pair of leggings and a shirt. “Yep, we’re going on a trip and we have to hurry so we can make it there in time.”

It broke my heart to lie to her, but there was no way I could tell her that we needed to hurry and get the hell out of here before her father got home from his emergency surgery.

“It’s okay, mommy. I can dress myself since you’ve got a boo-boo from the car,” she told me, taking the outfit from my hand and getting undressed.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat thinking about all the half-truths I’d told her over the years. For the most part, they went along with every single doctor’s note William filled out: I fell, I tripped, I cut myself chopping vegetables, I was in a car accident… She always believed me without question and would hover close by, helping me with whatever I needed until I healed.

I will make it up to her if it’s the last thing I do. I will never lie to her ever again.

When she finished dressing, I handed her her coat, put the bag over the shoulder of my good arm and took her hand.

“Is daddy coming with us?” she asked, as we made our way down the stairs and towards the door.

I stopped in the foyer and bent back down so I was eye-level with her, wrapping my arm around her small body. “No, baby. Daddy isn’t coming with us; he’s got a lot of work to do. It’s just going to be you and me.”

She thought about this for a moment and then smiled at me, placing her hand against my cheek. “That’s okay. I like it when it’s just you and me.”

My eyes watered and I wondered how I ever got so lucky to have this amazing little person in my life. “I love you, baby girl.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a tight hug. “I love you too, mommy. Let’s go on our trip. Can we go to the ocean and see dolphins? Or to a princess castle?”

I stood back up and grabbed her hand, taking one last look around before I opened the door. “Well, we’re going to visit your Uncle Brady in a place called Nashville. I don’t think they have dolphins, but they have horses and cowgirls.”

As we walked out into the night, Emma chatted away about wanting to have a white horse just like a real princess. I only hoped that some day I would be able to make this up to her and give her everything her heart desired.

Chapter 21

Austin

It’s been two days since Gwen and I fought in the kitchen – two long days of her giving me the cold shoulder and only speaking to me when Emma is around. I shouldn’t have been such an asshole, but she needed to know where I stood on things. She needed to understand that whatever was going on between us couldn’t be permanent. The way she glares at me whenever we’re in the same room leads me to believe she got the message loud and clear. I wish I could be that person for her. More than anything I wish things were different, but they’re not. I don’t have happy childhood memories to pass on to a kid and there can never be family vacations or promises of togetherness over the holidays because I never know when I’m going to be out of the country.

I just have to keep reminding myself what I told Gwen yesterday – I am not that person.

Walking out into the living room, I see Gwen pull her keys out of her purse and head towards the door.

“Where the hell are you going?” I demand.

She stops and turns around. “Work. I have the meeting with Mrs. Anderson to show her the pictures of her husband at the motel.”

When she turns around and opens the door, I race up behind her, smacking my hand against the wood and slamming it closed.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

She whirls around with anger in her eyes, but pauses when she sees how close we are. My hand is still up on the door and I’m caging her in. I can feel her breath on my face and I want to haul her body up against me and kiss away every shitty thing that’s happened between us.

She shakes her head as if clearing her thoughts and stares me down. “You can’t keep me here. I have a business to run and I’ve already put off some of these clients long enough. In case you’re forgetting, I have a gun and I know how to use it.”

I know she’s right, but that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier to just let her walk out the door, not knowing if she’ll be walking right into danger.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you,” I admit to her softly.

I watch as the anger leaves her face and she closes her eyes for a few seconds before opening them and looking at me again. She searches my face and I realize she’s trying to see if I’m telling the truth. I hate that she doesn’t trust me, but it’s my own damn fault.

“I’ll be fine. I have my gun and I’ll go straight to the office and straight back after I meet with Mrs. Anderson,” she promises.

“I’ll go with you.”

She shakes her head at me and sighs. “You need to stay here with Ellie and Emma. Under normal circumstances, Ellie would love to stay here alone with her, but she’s scared out of her mind. She’ll tell you it’s fine, but I know her. She’s not going to want to be alone. I promise I’ll call if I don’t feel comfortable.”

She’s right and there’s nothing I can do but let her go. She’s smart, she’s strong and she’s a survivor. I have to trust her to take care of herself; I won’t be here forever to keep an eye on her.

As I take a step back and pull the door open for her, I watch her leave and pray to God nothing happens or I’ll never be able to forgive myself.

* * *

“God dammit! Why the fuck isn’t she answering her phone?” I shout as I weave in and out of traffic at breakneck speeds.

Ellie is in the backseat with my cell phone in her hand, repeatedly trying to call Gwen and Emma is on her lap, crying hysterically.

I glance in the rearview mirror and my heart plummets to my stomach when I get another look at the blood running down the side of Emma’s face.

I was in my room talking on the phone to Cole when I heard a thud from the living room, followed immediately by the sound of Emma crying. I’ve never moved so fast in my fucking life. When I got to the living room, I saw Emma on the floor next to the coffee table holding her hand on her head, blood seeping between her fingers.

Ellie was bent down next to her trying to pry Emma’s hand away from her head to get a look at the wound. “She tripped and smacked her head on the corner of the table. I tried to reach for her, but I wasn’t fast enough.”

With a sick feeling in my stomach, I stalked to the middle of the room, scooped a sobbing Emma up in my arms and packed her and Ellie into the backseat.

As I race to towards the hospital, Emma continues to cry and ask for her Momma. I’m trying not to freak the fuck out that Gwen isn’t answering her phone; I’ve got enough to worry about right now – like making sure Emma doesn’t bleed out in the back of my car before we get to the hospital.

I make it to the hospital in record time and pull up to the emergency room entrance. Putting the car in park, I quickly get out and open the back door, leaning in and pulling a sobbing Emma into my arms.

“It’s okay, pipsqueak, the doctor is going to make it all better, okay?” I tell her as I race through the sliding doors.

I get to the registration desk and it suddenly occurs to me that I don’t even know if Gwen has medical insurance for Emma and I know for a fact they won’t treat her without a parent present.

“Oh no, it looks like you got a boo-boo,” the nurse at the desk says to Emma in a soothing voice as she stands up and leans over the counter to get a closer look.

“She hit her head on the coffee table,” I explain to her. “She won’t let us look at it so I’m not sure how bad it is, but it won’t stop bleeding.”

The nurse smiles at Emma as she pulls a clipboard off of a pile and sets it on the counter. “Head wounds always bleed a lot, even if they aren’t that bad. We’ll get her into an exam room right away and have a doctor look at it. Are you her parents?”

I notice the nurse looking next to me and turn to see Ellie standing there.

Jesus, I forgot she was even in the car. Awesome fucking protector I’m turning out to be.

Ellie wraps her arm around my waist and smiles at the nurse. “Yes, I’m her mother and this is her father.”

I glance nervously down at Emma to see if she’s going to contradict Ellie, but she’s still softly crying with her face pressed into my chest and doesn’t seem to notice.

“Yes, I’m her father,” I tell the nurse quietly as I continue staring down at Emma.

I swallow past the lump in my throat when I say those words and look up as Ellie grabs the clipboard from the counter. “We just moved here for my husband’s job transfer and his insurance hasn’t kicked in yet. Is it okay if we just pay cash for whatever services my daughter needs?”

She speaks so naturally, like she’s been practicing this speech for a week. At least one of us has their head on straight right now.

The nurse tells her that’s perfectly fine and then ushers us to one of the exam rooms. When I start to set Emma down on the exam table, her hands latch onto my shirt, clutching it tightly in her tiny hands and shaking her head back and forth.

“I don’t want to sit there. Can I just stay with you, Austin?” Emma pleads.

I kiss the top of her head and move away from the table, going to one of the chairs against the wall. I sit down with Emma in my lap and keep my arms securely wrapped around her while Ellie fills out the paperwork in the chair next to us and we wait for the doctor to come in.

Forty-five minutes, three stitches, six-hundred dollars and two suckers later, Emma is all patched up and sitting in the back seat of my car next to Ellie, happily looking out the window and chatting about her exciting day.

I pull up to Brady’s apartment and when I don’t see Gwen’s car, I realize we never tried to call her again once we got to the hospital. As Ellie and Emma get out of the backseat, I casually check my phone, not wanting to alert either of them to my panic.

I immediately see a text from Gwen apologizing for taking so long and explaining that Mr. and Mrs. Anderson both showed up to the meeting and all hell broke loose when Gwen showed Mrs. Anderson the photos of her cheating husband. She said she’ll be home in ten minutes and I figure there’s no point in calling her now and freaking her out. I might as well just wait until she gets home to tell her what happened.

Ellie takes Emma into the back bedroom to get her changed into her pajamas and I go into my bedroom and close the door behind me. I walk over to the dresser and stare at myself in the mirror, my eyes traveling down to my chest and the splotch of blood Emma left behind. The stain is right over my heart. I reach up and run my fingers over it, wondering why in the hell I feel like shit. Emma got hurt, but it wasn’t that bad. I got her to the hospital and she’s fine now.

With my hand still over my heart, I remember the way she clung to me in the exam room and the smile she gave me when the doctor told her she could have two suckers for being so brave. I turn away from the mirror and shake my head angrily.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I’ve seen men shot between the eyes and held my hands over bloody stumps when a leg was blown off by an RPG and I never felt like I would lose my mind with worry. This was one little girl with a tiny cut – not really that big of a deal considering the shit I’ve been around in my career.

Reaching for the hem of my shirt, I yank it roughly off of my body and toss it into the trashcan next to the dresser. As I’m reaching in one of the drawers for a clean shirt, I hear the door to the apartment open and close.

I turn and hurry out of the room, wanting to get to Gwen before she goes into the bedroom and sees Emma.

When I get to the living room, Gwen looks up at me, pausing in the process of taking her shoes off when she sees my bare chest. I stop and put my hands on my hips and flex, just a little bit.

God I’m such an asshole.

Gwen blinks and finally looks away, kicking off her shoes and then tossing her purse on the couch. “You do not even want to know the kind of day I had. I almost had to call the cops on those two idiots. They were screaming at each other so loudly I think they made one of my ear drums explode.”

When I don’t say anything, she looks up at me and her smile falls. “What’s going on? What happened?”

Before I can explain, Emma comes racing down the hall and into the living room. “Mommy guess what? I was a big girl today and I got two suckers!”

Emma runs up to her and holds up the one sucker that she hasn’t eaten yet. Gwen squats down and stares at the white bandage on her forehead right by her hairline.

“Baby, what happened to your head?” Gwen asks as she traces the bandage with the tips of her fingers.

“I fell and hit the table. Austin carried me to the car like he was Superman! And we drove really fast to the hospital and I got shot in the head and then sewed up,” Emma tells her happily.

I wait for Gwen to turn and scream at me and tell me I’m the worst person in the world for letting something happen to her daughter. Instead, I hear Gwen chuckle. “I don’t think you got shot in the head, I think you got a shot in the head. Does it still hurt?”

Emma shakes her head back and forth and Gwen pulls her into her arms and kisses her right on top of the bandage. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, baby. Mommy was dealing with crazy people and I must not have heard my phone ring.”

Figuring Gwen is just waiting until Emma is out of the room before she curses me out, I stand there and wait for my punishment. I deserve it. I should have never let Emma out of my sight.

“It’s okay, mommy. Austin gave me lots of kisses and he took good care of me. When I get hurt again, can Austin take me to the hospital?” Emma asks.

Gwen squeezes Emma one last time and then pulls back to look at her. “Well, of course he took good care of you, Austin is good at taking care of people. Let’s just hope you don’t have to go to the hospital again any time soon.”

Gwen gives Emma one last kiss over her bandage and then sends her back to her room. She stands up and walks over to me and I have a sudden urge to cover my balls.

“Come on, we need to talk,” Gwen says before turning away from me and walking down the hall.

This is why I should never be a parent. I will just fuck everything up.

Chapter 22

Gwen

I feel horrible that Emma got hurt, today of all days when I wasn’t there, but at least Austin and Ellie were here to take care of her. Austin looked like he was going to puke the entire time I was bent down talking to Emma while she explained what happened to her. As he follows me into his room and I close and lock the door behind him, I would almost swear this hard ass Navy SEAL is scared to death of me.

Good lord, I just wanted to thank him for taking care of Emma, not chew his head off. I know the last few days have been difficult and I’ve been a bitch towards him since he jumped to those stupid conclusions about my ‘expectations’, but does he really think after what happened today I’m still going to hold a grudge about that?

Austin stands in the middle of the room with his hands in his pockets and his head down, staring at the floor.

I let him stew for a little bit, figuring he deserves a few more seconds of misery after the shit he pulled the other night.

When it’s obviously he can’t take the silence anymore, he heaves a big sigh and looks up at me. “Go ahead, let me have it.”

I take a step closer to him, resting my hands against his chest and look up at his face. “Thank you.”

He narrows his eyes at me in confusion. “What the hell are you thanking me for? I was supposed to protect Emma and she got hurt on my watch. You should be beating shit out of me right now.”

I shake my head in disagreement. “Being a parent isn’t about keeping them in a bubble so nothing bad ever happens to them. Accidents happen; you can’t prevent all of them. All you can do is be there for them when they do happen, which is exactly what you did. You may think you aren’t father material, but I’m pretty sure most parents in the world would disagree with you right now, and I’m right there with them.”

He closes his eyes and lowers his head, so I continue. Might as well lay it all out there for him so there isn’t any more confusion between us. “I know you don’t think this is something you’d be good at and I have no idea why. Even though I highly disagree with your opinion of yourself, I’m okay with it. I meant what I said the other day – I never asked you to take on any kind of role in our lives. I don’t need that from you.”

Austin finally opens his eyes to look at me again.

“What do you need?” he asks softly.

With my eyes still locked on his, I slide my hands down his chest, around his sides and over his hips until I reach his hands. Lacing my fingers through his, I walk backwards, pulling him along with me. When we make it to the master bath attached to his room, I pull us inside, closing and locking the door behind him. I let go of his hands and walk over to the shower, turning the knobs until water is pouring out of the showerhead. Letting it warm up, I turn back around and start undressing.

His eyes never leave mine and I watch him swallow thickly as I strip in front of him, my clothes dropping into a pile by my feet until I’m standing in front of him completely naked.

As steam begins to fill the small room and my heart starts beating faster, I open myself up a little further to him.

“Right now, I just need you,” I admit softly.

Austin lets out a groan and his arms are immediately around me, pulling my naked body against him before his mouth fuses to mine. I open my lips to him and let out my own soft groan when I feel his tongue against mine. It’s only been two days since I last felt his lips on mine, but it feels like forever.

As we continue kissing, I reach between us, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, pushing them, along with his boxer briefs, down over his hips. Austin pulls away from me long enough to shove them the rest of the way off and to kick them into the corner with my own pile of clothes.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispers.

There’s conviction and awe in his voice as he looks at every inch of my body. For the first time in years, I don’t feel the need to cover myself, to hide my scars or look away in embarrassment – I feel beautiful with Austin.

He closes the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me up against him. As my feet leave the ground, I clutch onto his shoulders, wrap my legs around his hips and let him walk us both into the shower.

The hot water cascades down my back as he closes the glass door behind us. I let my head fall back and allow the water to soak my hair and my face before bringing it back up to look down at him. With one hand on my ass holding me against him, he brings his other hand up to the back of my head, pulling my mouth down to his. The spray from the shower rains down on both of our faces as our tongues tangle together. I tighten my thighs around him as he turns and pushes my back against the cold tile wall, bringing his hand off of the back of my head to skim down the front of my wet body. His palm slides over my collarbone and down to my breast, lifting it in his hand as his thumb rubs back and forth over my nipple.

His large, rough hand combined with the warm water flowing over my skin creates a wild need inside of me and I cling to him tighter, trying to bring us as close as possible.

Austin abruptly takes his hand off of my breast, pulls his mouth away from mine and lets me slide down his wet body until I’m standing in front of him.

“Why did you stop?” I ask breathlessly, letting my hands skim down the hard, wet planes of his chest.

“Oh, I have no intentions of stopping, darlin’,” he tells me with a lopsided grin as he drops to his knees on the shower floor.

He slides his hands up the inside of my thighs, placing kisses against my skin there as he goes. Looking down at him, I run my fingers through his wet hair over and over until he slides his thumbs up through my sex and opens me to him.

My hands immediately clutch onto chunks of his hair as he keeps his mouth a centimeter away, his warm breath mingling with the water sliding down between my legs.

I want to tug him against me; I want to thrust my hips forward to bring his mouth where I need him, but I hold perfectly still while he stares at what he’s doing between my legs. His thumbs move in slow circles, opening me to him over and over again until I just can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m going to come just from watching him.

“Please, Austin,” I whimper.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, he leans in and runs his tongue up through my center. I let out a moan as I close my eyes and let my head fall back to the shower wall. His tongue is firm and hot as it slides over me, circling the tip around my clit before sucking it into his mouth.

He brings his hands around to grab my ass, pulling me harder against his mouth while he licks and sucks, devouring me until all coherent thought leaves my mind and I can do nothing but moan and curse while he brings me closer and closer to the edge.

Austin moans against my sex and I feel the vibrations of his mouth deep inside. I need to see him. I need to watch what he does to me. Opening my eyes, I look down at him and I whimper, thrusting myself against him as his tongue plunges inside of me before moving back up to my clit. There really is nothing hotter than watching a man on his knees between your legs, bringing you to climax.

He flicks his tongue quickly against my clit, over and over until I feel the warmth of my orgasm start at my toes and work its way up my legs until it explodes from me. I hold Austin’s head in place against me and move my hips faster against his tongue, my release stealing the breath from my lungs.

With a few tingles of my orgasm still spasming through me, Austin is up off his knees, lifting me up against him and pushing inside of me all at once. We both let out a groan as the wetness from my release and the water soaking our bodies makes him slide into me as deep as he can go on the first thrust.

Austin buries his face into the side of my neck as he pulls out and immediately drives back inside me, the force of his thrust pushing me up the shower wall.

“Fuck,” Austin moans against my shoulder. “What the hell are you doing to me, Gwen?”

I don’t reply because I don’t have an answer. I don’t know why our bodies fit so well together and I don’t know why I want him more than I ever thought possible, I just do.

Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I hold him close and move my hips against him, letting him know I need him; letting him know I want whatever he has to give.

One of his arms slides around my back to keep it from slamming into the wall and his other hand clutches onto one of my thighs wrapped around his hip. He kisses his way up my neck until he reaches my mouth, grazing his lips against mine without kissing me. He stares into my eyes as he pulls out of me and plunges right back in. I whimper against his mouth and he does it again, and again, and again, each thrust of his cock inside of me pushing me towards another orgasm.

The water of the shower quickly turns colder as it rains down over us, dripping off of our noses and mingling with our kisses, but the heat from our bodies keeps us warm. Austin drives inside of me over and over until we’re both panting and I’m clawing against his shoulders.

“Jesus, you’re killing me, Gwen. I could fuck you forever,” Austin mutters against my lips as he pumps in and out of me.

His words shoot straight to my core and I explode around him, shouting his name as I come.

He quickly follows right behind me, pushing himself as deep as he can, holding himself still while he explodes inside of me. He curses over and over, his hand gripping my thigh tightly through his release, his cock pulsing inside of me.

We stay wrapped around one another until our wildly beating hearts slow and the cold temperature of the water finally starts making us shiver.

Without saying a word, Austin lets go of my leg, pulls out of me and reaches over to shut off the water. We exit the shower and he grabs two towels, wrapping one around his waist and the other around my shoulders, rubbing his hands up and down my arms over the towel to warm me up.

We finish drying off and leave the bathroom, neither one of us saying a word about his slip of the tongue, talking about forever.

Chapter 23

Austin

“I could fuck you forever.”

God dammit. What the hell was I thinking saying something like that to her? Right now, I’m blaming it on my dick. That fucker makes all of my decisions for me when I’m buried inside of this woman. Gwen never commented on it so maybe she didn’t hear me.

After the best shower sex I’ve ever had in my life, shit, the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, Gwen went in to check on Emma and Ellie and hasn’t come back out of the room yet. I decide to call Cole back and apologize for hanging up on him earlier when Emma got hurt.

Cole answers on the first ring. “Dude, what the fuck? One minute you were complaining about stubborn women and the next thing I know the call ends.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. Gwen’s daughter had an accident and I had to take her to the hospital,” I explain, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

“Jesus, is she okay?” Cole asks.

“Yeah, she’s fine, just bumped her head and had to get a couple of stitches. She was a trooper,” I tell him, explaining to him about how she sweet-talked the doctor into giving her an extra sucker.

“Well, well, well, listen to you,” Cole says with a laugh.

“What?”

Cole chuckles again at my expense. “Austin Conrad is yammering on about a little girl like he’s a proud parent. Never thought I’d see the day.”

I scoff at him and roll my eyes. “Yeah, I don’t think so, asshole. We both know I’d make the worst parent in the history of the world.”

“You may think you aren’t father material, but I’m pretty sure most of the fathers in the world would disagree with you right now, and I’m right there with them.”

Gwen’s words from earlier echo in my mind, as well as the moment in the hospital when I told the nurse I was Emma’s father and how it made me feel. I’m so lost in thought I didn’t realize Cole has continued talking to me.

“…mentioned something about Dylan Callahan,” Cole finishes.

I’m confused for a minute until I remember that I asked him if he knew the guy from school and hung up on him before he could answer.

“So, you know the guy?” I ask, pretending like I’ve been following along the entire time.

I haven’t told Gwen yet that he stopped by the office; I wanted to get some background information on the guy first. Keeping it from her has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I might have been a little jealous.

Right, keep telling yourself that.

“Yeah, I know him. Well, I knew him. Haven’t seen him in years. We didn’t go to the same high school, but he was friends with Brady and then dated Gwen for a little while, so he was always hanging around,” Cole explains.

Well, shit. Now I know I won’t be able to pretend like I’m not jealous because all I can think about at this moment is Gwen sucking face with that fucker and how she made plans to meet with him while he was in town.

Son of a bitch.

“Dude was kind of intense. Gwen broke it off with him after a few months, but the guy wouldn’t leave her alone. Sent her flowers all the time, notes in the mail telling her they should always be together… shit like that. It really creeped her out until I gave him a talking to.”

At the mention of flowers and notes in the mail a chill runs down my spine. What if William hasn’t been the one doing this shit to Gwen lately? I really hate to give that asshole the benefit of the doubt, but I have to be smart about this. I can’t go after a guy just because I know what he’s done in the past. I have to look at all of the variables and, right now, the fact remains that aside from Ellie, no one has seen William around town or heard from him in a week. Could Dylan have been the one behind the flowers and the letter Gwen got in the mail? Maybe he was the one Karen saw watching her and Emma that day at the park.

It still doesn’t make sense, though, that William would come all the way here from New York, rough up Ellie and then leave again without trying to make contact with Gwen or his daughter. Dylan might have had some stalker tendencies in the past, but William is a mean son of a bitch and I’m not going to let my guard down and allow him to hurt my girls.

There I go again with the ‘my girls’ shit.

“By ‘talking-to’, I’m assuming you beat the shit out of him?” I ask.

Cole laughs. “Obviously.”

“Why the fuck would Brady hire him to keep an eye on Layla then?” I question.

“Brady didn’t know everything that happened. Gwen came to me because she knew he and Brady were friends and she didn’t want to fuck up their friendship. She made me promise not to tell him. Brady and Dylan kept in touch over the years and, according to Brady, the guy is the best at his job in private security. Twenty years is a long time to hold on to a high-school obsession.”

I don’t care if it’s been ninety years, I still don’t trust his ass.

“Can you do me a favor and look into his records? He’s here in town and stopped by Brady’s office to see Gwen when she was out. I want to make sure he’s on the up-and-up before I let him anywhere near her,” I tell Cole.

Cole is the computer hacker on our team and if anyone can find the dirt on this guy, it will be him. Maybe we’ll get lucky and the guy was popped for stalking at some point in the last twenty years.

“You don’t think Callahan’s the one behind the shit going on with Gwen, do you?” Cole asks.

“I have no fucking clue, but I’m not about to make any mistakes when it comes to this.”

I can already hear Cole clicking away on his computer through the line. “I’m on it. I’ll call you as soon as I find anything.”

I thank Cole and hang up the phone, tossing it next to me on the bed. I can hear female laughter coming from the bedroom across the hall followed by Emma’s squeals and I can’t help but smile, which immediately pisses me off. Wiping the smile from my face, I flop back on the bed.

It’s strange for me to be in one place for so long. I’m used to coming home from a mission, getting a few days rest and then heading right back out to do it all over again. When I’m home, the only sounds I ever hear are whatever sporting event I’m watching on TV or traffic outside. I like my privacy; I like my quiet. I like being able to walk through my own house bare-ass naked. I like being single and not having any attachments or anyone to answer to. It’s who I am and it’s who I’ve always been.

“I never asked you to take on any kind of role in our lives. I don’t need that from you.”

With a frustrated growl, I rub my hands over my face remembering Gwen’s words. She made it clear she doesn’t expect more from me. She seems to be fine doing whatever it is we’re doing without making me feel guilty that I can’t give her more.

I should be happy about that. It means that when this is all over, I can walk out of here with a clear conscience and move on.

So why in the fuck does it piss me off to know there isn’t just a tiny part of her that wants me to stay?

Chapter 24

Gwen

Emma fell asleep at the foot of the bed a few minutes ago after a tickle fight. I don’t want to disrupt her just yet by moving her, so Ellie and I stay where we are at the top of the bed, leaning against the headboard talking about nothing.

“You like working for your brother as a private investigator?” Ellie asks.

“I love it. It’s exciting. William never let me have a job as you know so it’s nice to be able to do something like this.”

Ellie sighs and continues. “Is it a big office?”

“No, it’s pretty small. There’s an old restaurant next door that’s been abandoned for a few months that Brady wants to buy eventually when we have the extra money. It’s got a huge wine cellar in the basement that would be perfect for a file room, but Brady seems to think it should be a gym,” I tell her with a roll of my eyes. “He has a heavy bag hanging in our tiny file room now that he uses all the time and Austin has already put it to use, so maybe he’s got a good idea.”

Ellie is quiet for a few minutes and I look over at her.

“So, you really like Austin, don’t you?” Ellie asks softly so she doesn’t wake Emma.

I feel my face heat up as I think about what just happened in the shower – his head between my legs, his mouth on me…

“Um, yeah, I like him. He’s a good man,” I admit, shaking the thoughts of shower sex out of my head.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Ellie asks, smirking at me.

I scoff and roll my eyes at her. “Hardly. I haven’t known him long enough to be in love with him and besides, I’m not really in the market for love. My hands are full with this little one.”

We both stare down at the foot of the bed as Emma sighs and burrows deeper into the blankets. I leave out the fact that I’ve been obsessing about what Austin said to me in the shower ever since I walked out of his room. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it and it was just something that slipped out in the throes of passion.

It’s not like I want to be with him forever. That’s just silly. Right? He lights my body on fire and that’s enough to make any woman question her judgment, but he also takes care of Emma and he’s not afraid of my scars or what my past has done to me. He’s protective and trustworthy and he makes me feel alive.

I’m absolutely not in love with him, there’s just no way.

I decide it’s time to change the subject before I put too much thought into this and drive myself crazy.

“So anyway, how are you doing?”

Ellie shrugs and picks a few pieces of lint off of her sweater. “I don’t know. I feel like such an idiot. I didn’t want to say anything, but he’s called me a bunch of times the last few days.”

I look at her in shock and she quickly continues. “Don’t worry, I haven’t answered any of his calls. I let them go straight to voicemail and now I’m just keeping my phone off.”

Part of me wants to tell her to turn her phone back on and talk to him, find out where he is so we can put an end to this once and for all, but then I think about what it would sound like to her – like I didn’t care about her safety, only mine.

“You’re not an idiot any more than I was. You made a mistake and trusted the wrong person. I just have to know how it happened? How did you even start talking to him?”

Ellie sighs and leans her head back. “He came to my place looking for you and Emma a few days after you left. He was worried that someone had kidnapped you. As much as I hated him for what he did to you, I found myself feeling bad for him. He sat down on my couch and cried for hours. He told me he was a monster and that he needed help. He was ashamed of himself for what he did and he asked me if I would help him get better. He wanted to be a better person before he even attempted to contact you. At first I did it just as a way of making sure he stayed away from you and didn’t try to find you. I started going with him to anger management classes twice a week. After about a month, we started going to get coffee after the classes. We would just sit there and talk for hours and he made me laugh, made me feel special.”

Hearing this makes me sick to my stomach. William used to make me laugh too. He used to talk to me for hours and he used to tell me I was the most important person in his world. He made me feel loved and cherished… until he didn’t.

Looking at Ellie’s face, I see more than shame in her eyes, I see sadness. She really and truly believed that William had changed. She thought she was falling for a man who had gotten help and turned into a better person. It scares me to think that she might forgive him for what he did to her. I know that feeling well. You tell yourself you’ll never let it happen again, you’ll never be such a fool… and then he comes home with flowers in his hands and tears in his eyes and he reminds you so much of the man you fell in love with. He holds you like you’re the most precious thing in the world and he makes you promises that you’re sure he’ll keep this time. It turns into a never-ending cycle until one day, it’s ten years later and you’re crumpled up on the floor of his office sobbing in agony and wishing to die because you know that’s the only way you’ll ever be free of him.

I can’t let her make the same mistakes I did. I need to tell her what’s been happening. She hasn’t asked why Emma and I have been staying with Austin and it’s obvious she assumes we’re a couple. She has no idea that I’m here because the man she thinks she loves has been terrorizing me.

“I need to tell you something,” I start, reaching for her hand and holding it in mine. “Emma and I have been staying with Austin because there have been some strange things happening lately.”

Her eyebrows furrow and she cocks her head. “What do you mean strange things, like what?”

“Like someone watching Emma when she was with her babysitter and following them home, a creepy letter that came in the mail, hang-up calls and three bunches of purple orchards that were left on my doorstep,” I tell her.

Ellie knows all about the orchids. After a while, she would come over and dispose of them for me when their smell made me nauseous.

Her eyes widen in shock. “Oh my God, are you serious? Gwen, why didn’t you tell me about this?”

I sigh and squeeze her hand. “Because, you’ve had enough to worry about these last few days. I didn’t want to overwhelm you with the idea that William has been stalking me and doesn’t want to let me go.”

She yanks her hand out of mine. “He let you go months ago, Gwen. He moved on. I’m sure it hasn’t been him doing these things to you.”

I’m confused by her sudden anger, but not the fact that she’s defending him. I used to do the exact same thing with her when she would tell me to leave him.

“Ellie, look what he did to you. He came all the way here to Nashville just to tell you he was angry that you told me about the two of you? Listen to yourself, that doesn’t make sense,” I argue.

“Oh, but it makes perfect sense that he’s not over you and wants you back?” she asks sarcastically. “Even if he did do these things, it doesn’t mean he can’t let you go. Maybe it’s just his way of saying he’s sorry. He really wants Emma back in his life and maybe he just doesn’t know how to talk to you about it.”

I realize quickly that I can’t discuss this with her right now. She’s hurt, confused and angry. Both of us are going to say things that we can’t take back if I go on. She’s so messed up in the head right now that she isn’t thinking clearly and I totally get that. I understand how she feels, which is why I’m leaving it alone for now.

“You know what, it’s getting late,” I tell her, scooting off of the bed. “I’m sorry for upsetting you. Get some rest and we’ll talk more in the morning.”

I walk to the end of the bed and pull the blankets up over Emma’s shoulders before leaning down and kissing her on the cheek.

Ellie doesn’t say anything until I’m across the room and my hand is on the doorknob.

“I’m sorry, Gwen.”

I look back over my shoulder at my best friend and give her a smile. “I know. It’s okay.”

I leave the room and walk across the hall to Austin’s room, seeing him lying on his back in bed with his legs hanging off the edge and his arms thrown over his eyes. I quickly close the door behind me and creep over to the bed.

Climbing up his body, Austin doesn’t open his eyes until I’m straddling his hips. Leaning over him, I rest my hands on the bed on either side of his face, my hair falling around us like a curtain. Austin reaches up with one hand and brushes my hair away, tucking it behind one ear. Without saying a word, he puts both of his hands on my hips and pulls me snug against the erection I feel straining against his pants. I smile down at him before leaning back on my thighs and pulling my shirt up and over my head.

Austin quickly sits up, wrapping his arms around me so I don’t fall to the ground. He doesn’t move, just sits there at the edge of the bed with my legs straddling him while he stares into my eyes. He looks sad and I wonder why. His arms tighten around me like he’s afraid to let me go. Just when I start to ask him what’s wrong, he leans forward and kisses me.

He kisses me softly and his hands caress every inch of my body before he gets up and places my feet on the floor. He finishes undressing me, making quick work of his own clothes before throwing back the covers and getting into bed, pulling me down on top of him.

We take our time tasting and touching every inch of one another’s bare skin before Austin rolls me over onto my back and slowly enters me. He rocks into me gently, never taking his eyes off of me. I wrap my arms around his back and pull my legs up on either side of him so he can go deeper, loving the way he feels inside me.

I pull his body closer to mine until his chest is pressed against me and I can feel his heartbeat. Our eyes stay connected through my release and his own as I cling to him tightly, never wanting to this feeling to end.

After he moves away from me, curling up at my back with his arm securely around my middle, it doesn’t take long before I hear the deep, even breaths signaling that he’s asleep. Only then do I admit to myself that Ellie is probably right.

I’m in love with Austin.

Chapter 25

Austin

Gwen’s going to kill me.

I should feel bad about what I just did, but I can’t. The past two days have been nothing short of amazing – hanging out with Gwen and Emma, working together on some of the paperwork for her cases that she brought with her, playing Navy SEAL with Emma before bed and spending every night kissing every inch of Gwen’s body, showing her what I just can’t bring myself to tell her. I can’t regret the choice I made tonight while Gwen and Ellie gave Emma a bath. When I leave, I need to know Gwen and Emma are safe and that nothing will happen to them ever again. The only way to make sure that happens is to put William Stratford behind bars for a very long time.

“You got all the pages I emailed over to you?” I ask, as I pace back and forth in my room.

I can hear Mark shuffling papers through the line. “Yep, got everything – twenty photos and fifteen pages of notes. Jesus Christ, this guy is an asshole.”

I close my eyes and do something I’ve never done – I pray that Gwen will forgive me for violating her privacy. When she was busy packing up Emma’s things to come and stay here with me, I went into her bedroom and took the file documenting her abuse out of her dresser and shoved it in the waistband of my jeans against my back and under my shirt.

Looking through all of those photos again as I scanned each one and sent it off to Mark, convinced me that I was doing the right thing. She should never have to look over her shoulder ever again and I need to know there will never be another photo to add to that pile after I’m gone. The only way I’ll be able to walk out that door is by knowing she’s protected; that she and Emma can live a long, happy life.

“I’ll start filing the report against Stratford this morning, but you know Gwen’s going to have to stop by the station in Nashville and sign off on it. I’ll make sure to send them a copy of it, so you’re going to have to convince her this is in her best interest and get her in there as soon as possible,” Mark reminds me.

“I know, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

I hear a muffled voice through the line and Mark telling someone to hold on before coming back to me. “Shit, I gotta go, there’s a call on the other line I have to take.”

I thank Mark for all of his help and end the call just as a knock sounds at my door. Pulling it open, I look down to see Emma standing there looking up at me with a smile.

“Can you tuck me in, Austin?”

Poking my head out of my room, I look down the hall and then back at her. “Where’s your mom?”

Emma grabs my hand and starts to pull me across the hall. “She’s taking a bath and I’m sleepy. Aunt Ellie already fell asleep.”

I smile as she tugs harder on my hand, following her to the bedroom. She scrambles up in bed and gets under the covers.

She looks up at me expectantly and I’m at a loss. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? How do you tuck someone in?

Leaning over her, I pull the covers up a little higher until they’re under her chin. “Uh, so… have a good night.”

I start to turn away when she giggles. “Austin! You have to sit next to me until I fall asleep. That’s what mommy always does.”

Scratching my head and looking behind me to the door, I wonder how long Gwen’s going to be in the bath.

Emma pulls one arm out from under the blankets and pats the bed next to her. With a sigh, I sit down on the edge of the bed. “So, how long does it take you to fall asleep?”

Emma laughs and shakes her head at me. “I don’t know, silly. Put your feet up and lay down like me.”

Figuring I might as well do as she says or it’s going to be midnight before she finally falls asleep, I pull my legs up onto the bed. Emma scoots over away from me and pats her hand against her pillow, signaling me to lie next to her.

Once I’m flat on my back, she moves closer to me, grabbing my arm and lifting it in the air. I hold it up for her with a confused look on my face until she slides closer and rests her head in the crook of my shoulder. I bring my arm down around her and wonder why this feels like the most natural thing in the world. I stare down at her face as she closes her eyes and wonder what she’ll be like when she’s ten, fifteen, twenty… I wonder if she’ll still be this sweet and trusting. I wonder if Gwen will have remarried by then and if the lucky bastard will cherish every single moment with these two women. I wonder if Emma will remember the man she lived with for a week when she was six who taught her how to create a diversion to get the innocent Barbies out of harm’s way.

A sad laugh bubbles out of me when I think about how Emma screamed at the top of her lungs that the couch was on fire so I could grab the dolls and chuck them into the kitchen. Gwen came running into the room with a cup of water from the bathroom in her hand, shouting about how she’d put the fire out. Emma and I fell to the floor laughing until we couldn’t breathe and Gwen stomped out of the room angrily when she found out it was a false alarm.

Emma shifts next to me trying, to get more comfortable, and brings her hand up to rest on my stomach. I can’t help myself; I wrap my large hand around her tiny one and hold on tight.

“I love you, Austin. Can you tuck me in to bed every night?” Emma whispers sleepily.

Closing my eyes, I don’t say anything in return. I’m afraid if I open my mouth now, I’ll cry like a fucking baby.

An hour later, the feel of my phone vibrating in my pocket wakes me up. I slowly slide out of bed, trying not to jostle Emma too much. She doesn’t even stir when I pull my arm out from under her. I quickly exit the room and pull my phone out, not at all surprised when I see who’s calling. He approved me taking some personal time off, but I knew he wouldn’t be patient for very long.

“Conrad, how’s civilian life?” Captain Risner asks.

“It’s good, sir.”

He gets right to the point. “I know you said you’d give me a call when things were wrapped up there, but we have an emergency in Kuwait that I could use you on. I need to know right now if you’re in.”

I lean back against the wall and bow my head. “How soon?”

“You need to be briefed before you fly out, so I’d need you here in Virginia by oh-eight-hundred on Wednesday.

Two days from now.

“Sir, things aren’t quite finished here yet. I’m not sure if I could make it to Virginia in time,” I tell him.

There’s no way in hell I’m leaving Gwen and Emma before Stratford is behind bars.

“Well, get it done, Conrad. If this mission goes well, I’ll be able to sign off on that Lieutenant paperwork you put on my desk three months ago.”

Shit. I forgot all about that. It’s what I’ve been working my ass off for, the only thing I’ve ever wanted – to be in charge of my own team. Cole was our lieutenant until he decided to take a leave of absence and Risner assured me the job would be mine if I kept my head in the game and kept doing what I’ve always done – live, eat and breathe Navy.

“I understand, sir. I’ll make sure I’m there,” I tell him before ending the call.

I knew this moment was coming, I just didn’t expect it to be here so soon. I’ve been preparing myself to leave them from the moment I got here. This is the only dream I’ve ever had and I seriously can’t believe I’m standing here in the hallway wishing for something else, something I can never have.

Without thinking about it, I place another call to Mark, telling him to get a BOLO out on Stratford immediately. This needs to be finished now so I can get on with my life the way I always planned.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk to Ellie and get her advice on breaking the news to Gwen about the fact that I completely violated her trust and gave her personal file over to the police without her knowing. Tomorrow, I’ll shut everything off and make myself remember what I’m here for – to do a job.

But right now, I’m going to spend one last night holding my girl close and memorizing the way she feels in my arms.

Chapter 26

Gwen

As I lie in bed waiting for Austin, I think about the scene I saw a half hour ago on my way in here and my heart constricts – my baby girl, snuggled up next to Austin, his arm around her, holding her tight. She told him she loved him. She never said those words to her own father, always keeping her distance from him as if she instinctively knew what kind of man hid underneath the perfectly styled hair, three piece suits and expensive gifts he showered her with week after week, trying to make up for the fact that he knew nothing about being a father. In just a week, she trusted Austin more than the man she lived with for six years.

I hope to God Austin realizes the magnitude of what she said to him. I know I told him I didn’t expect anything from him, but at this point, how can I not? He’s wormed his way into both of our hearts and I fear that we’ll never be the same if he leaves. I can’t ask him to stay; I would never put him in that position. I know he has a job to do that is very important to him and I respect that about him. It would be nice to know he wanted to stay, though; it would be nice to know that even if he had to leave, maybe he’d come back to us. Austin thinks he has no idea how to be a father, but he has no idea that he’s already twice the father William ever was.

I’ve spent all this time fighting the feelings I have for him because I was afraid he would try to change me like William did. The thought of losing my independence that I just got back and having no control over my own life petrifies me. Austin is protective, but he would never hold me back. He wants me to be strong and he wants me to be who I want to be. He gives me strength I never knew I had. I just hope I’m strong enough to let him go if that’s what he chooses to do.

Closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of Austin on his pillows and blankets, I hear a muffled voice out in the hall. I drift off to sleep hoping that Austin can see what’s standing right in front of him.

* * *

Reaching over in bed, my hand pats against a cold sheet instead of a warm body. Blinking my eyes open and glancing around the room, I see that I’m alone. I felt Austin come to bed sometime in the middle of the night, sliding in next to me and pulling my body against his. I fell back to sleep immediately and had a dream where Austin kissed the side of my neck and whispered in my ear that he was sorry and that he loves me. It was a wonderful dream, but it’s sad to know that’s all it was.

Hearing Austin and Ellie talking in the main part of the house, I roll out of bed and throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater. Ellie slept on the couch last night when she saw Austin and Emma curled up in bed together. After I took a bath, I tried talking to her again while she was busy making up her bed in the living room, but she brushed me off. She apologized again for getting upset, but I could tell she didn’t mean it. She wouldn’t look me in the eye and she immediately changed the subject. All she wanted to talk about was Emma – how beautiful she’d gotten, how much she’d grown, how lucky I was to have her. I know she needs time to process everything and I don’t want to push her. I just want her to be safe; I don’t want her to make the same mistakes as me.

When I get in the living room, I glance in the kitchen to see Emma sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal, Ellie on the couch with her head in her hands and Austin pacing back and forth in front of her.

“What’s going on?”

Austin turns at the sound of my voice and Ellie looks up from her spot on the couch. I make my way over to him and reach for his hands, but he quickly slides them into the front pockets of his jeans. “I just got a call from Mark at the police department in New York. The department in Bowling Green, Kentucky found William and they have him in custody.”

My mouth drops open in shock. “His parents live in Bowling Green. What happens now? Did he confess to everything?”

I can’t believe they found him and actually brought him in. Part of me wondered if he had so many connections in New York that he’d go back there and nothing would ever come of it. He’s been paying off the city of New York for so long that at this point, I wouldn’t put it past them to let everything slide.

“I don’t know. All I know is that they put a BOLO out for him and a cop pulled him over just outside of the city and brought him in,” Austin explains.

“Wait, how were they able to do a ‘be on the look-out’? I thought you said charges needed to be filed against him or something for them to be able to do that?” I ask in confusion.

Ellie scoffs from over on the couch and I look around Austin to see her stand up and cross her arms in front of her. “Yeah, Austin, why don’t you tell her how the cops were able to bring him in?”

Austin squeezes his hands into fists at his sides and clenches his jaw.

“Why don’t you clue her in to the fact that you violated her trust,” Ellie adds.

I look back and forth between the two of them and decide to go with Austin. Ellie is staring at him like she might rip his head off and I feel like I might get a straighter answer out of him.

“Austin, what is she talking about?”

I take a step closer to him and he takes a step back. He’s putting distance between us and it’s starting to make me nervous. I’m happy William is in custody, but I’m scared about what will happen next. I just want his arms around me, reassuring me that everything will be okay.

“I told Ellie about something this morning while you were still asleep. I wanted her help convincing you it was the right thing to do, but obviously she’s changed her mind,” Austin tells me, shooting an angry look over his shoulder at Ellie.

“Oh, please! You weren’t thinking about anything but yourself. You just wanted to be the hero so you could move on to something bigger and better,” Ellie accuses.

Austin turns around to face her. “You know what? I’ve had just about enough of-”

“Will you both cut it out?” I interrupt. “Tell me what the hell is going on!” I shout.

“This ought to be good,” Ellie mutters.

“Ellie, can you take Emma back to the bedroom please?” I ask her.

She looks at me in irritation like I just told her to run over a cat. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“Please, Ellie. Just for a few minutes,” I beg.

I raise my eyebrows at her and plead with her silently to understand. I need Austin to talk to me and he’s not going to be comfortable doing that with Ellie in the room since she’s obviously angry with him about something.

After a few seconds, Ellie huffs angrily, throwing her hands up in irritation. “Fine. Whatever.”

She marches into the kitchen and scoops Emma up in her arms, grabbing the bowl of cereal and carrying them both down the hall towards the room.

When we’re finally alone, I try again. “Okay, she’s gone so you have no one bitching at you. Now tell me what she was talking about and why she’s so pissed.”

Austin doesn’t show any kind of emotion as he stands in front of me. No cocky smile, no softness in his face… nothing. It’s like he’s put a shield over his face to keep me out. “You’re right, the police couldn’t bring William in just because we suspected him of stalking you. They needed proof of criminal activity.”

I stare at him in confusion for a few minutes until it clicks into place. Proof of criminal activity. There’s only one thing that would pass for that – my file.

“Oh my God, you gave it to them?”

Austin doesn’t say anything, he just continues to stand here staring at me.

“That was my personal information, you had no right to share it with anyone!” I shout angrily.

I know I’m being irrational, but I can’t help it. It was hard enough for me to show those things to him, and now God knows how many other people will see them. William is a very big deal in New York; the police aren’t going to be able to keep it quiet for long. Soon, everyone will see those pictures: my parents, Brady… everyone I’ve ever known will see just everything I let William do to me for so many years.

“How did you even get it, did you go back to Brady’s place since we got here?” I demand.

He shakes his head and finally speaks. “I took it when you were packing up Emma before we came here.”

He says it so casually, like he didn’t completely violate my privacy and my trust by taking that file and giving it to someone else. I turn away from him, not wanting to look at his face, so cold and business-like.

“You can’t be mad about this Gwen, it had to be done to make sure he stays locked up for a long time, and there was no other way.”

I whirl back around angrily. “How about talking with me about it first? This isn’t something you just take upon yourself because you think you’re doing the right thing. This is my life, my past and now it’s going to be broadcast all over the place for everyone to see. Oh, my God, Emma could see it! Did you even think about that when you handed it over?”

At the mention of Emma he winces, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to plead his case. “Gwen, this is my job, you know that. I do whatever is necessary to get it done, even if that means pissing a few people off.”

His words are like a punch right to my heart. I’m just “people” now to him. Maybe that’s what I’ve been all along.

“Well, lucky for you it looks like the job is finished and you can be on your way to help out more people.”

His face remains like a piece of stone – no emotion or reaction at all. “You knew this was going to happen from the very beginning. You knew I would be gone as soon as this was finished. I’m not the type of guy who stays in one place long or has a family.”

“God dammit, I am so sick and tired of you always going back to that! You’re not the type of guy who’s a father, you’re not the type of guy who’s a husband… did it ever occur to you that you are EXACTLY that type of person, but you’re too fucking scared to admit it? I’ve seen the way you are with Emma, I’ve felt the way you are with me. How can you not see it?”

Austin scoffs and shakes his head at me. “You don’t understand.”

Even though I want to throttle him, I step closer. “You’re right, I don’t understand, so tell me!”

He just shakes his head at me.

“I have given you EVERYTHING! Every piece of myself that I thought I would never give to another person. Why is it so hard for you to open up to me?!”

My voice is getting louder and louder, but I don’t care. I just want him to hear me and to understand that I want to know every part of him.

He moves away and runs his hands through his hair in frustration before letting them smack down to his thighs.

“Fuck! You want to know about my scars? They’re all on the inside, Gwen. I have no fucking clue what it takes to be the man you and Emma need and it fucking kills me! I had a shitty childhood. The Navy was like a fucking five star resort compared to some of the places I grew up in. The only parents I ever knew shoved me around and treated me like a worthless piece of shit until they got sick of me and sent me on to the next shitty family. Is that what you want to hear?” he shouts angrily.

My heart breaks for him and I want to go to him and wrap my arms around him, but it’s clear he’s shutting me out and he’s already made his decision.

“YES! Is it so hard for you to understand that I want to know you? I want to know what made you the man you are today, the good and the bad. You’ve seen every part of me. You know my fears and my weaknesses – why is it such a bad thing that I want to know yours?”

“Because that’s not who I fucking am! I’m a Navy SEAL, Gwen. I don’t have time for fear and weakness and I can’t make any mistakes or have any distractions. Something like that in my line of work will get me killed.”

And just like that, my heart breaks in two. It’s okay for me to be broken and afraid, but not him.

“Wow, it must be nice to be so fucking perfect,” I throw back. “Lucky for you, this job is over and you can go on with your life. You don’t have to worry about Emma and I ever being a distraction for you.”

He doesn’t say a word to me as I turn away and walk out of the room to begin packing our things.

Chapter 27

Austin

One hour, eight minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

That’s how long Gwen and Emma have been gone from this house. A little over an hour and it already feels like I haven’t seen them in a year. I never meant to be such a prick to Gwen when I said good-bye. Fuck, that wasn’t even a good-bye, that was a kiss-off. I’m surprised she didn’t flip me the finger as she was walking out the door. I wanted to sit her down and explain to her again my reasons for not being able to stay. I never wanted our last words to be spoken in anger and I never intended to cut her so deep she couldn’t even bring herself to look at me before the door closed behind her and she walked out of my life.

At least Ellie spoke to me before they left. When I suggested driving them to the police station so Gwen could sign the report, she told me to fuck off. I wasn’t about to let them go anywhere alone even if William was behind bars; there was still one loose end that needed to be tied up. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, Cole called me as the girls were heading towards the door to tell me that Dylan Callahan came back clean. No record for stalking and when Gwen heard me say his name while I was on the phone, I had to come clean about him stopping by her office. If she were a cartoon character, there would have been smoke coming out of her ears. She told me in no uncertain terms that I was an asshole and that Dylan was a friend. They had indeed made plans to see each other for coffee while he was in town.

Right now, I feel like an asshole. I should have never hid the fact that I was planning on using her file to make sure William didn’t get away what he’d done to her. I thought I was protecting her by keeping things from her, but I should have known better. She’s amazing, she’s smart and she’s a fighter. She had every right to be involved in all aspects of the plan to take down the man who terrorized her for most of her adult life.

The timer on my tactical watch goes off, signaling I need to leave if I want to catch my flight. In order for me to get to Virginia by eight tomorrow morning, I need to take a flight to Chicago tonight and then leave at five the following morning for Virginia. Standing in the middle of my living room, I can’t make my feet move. Everywhere I look, I see Gwen or hear Emma. As soon as I walk out this door, it will all be gone – the smiles, the laughs, the kisses… it will all be pushed away into a dark corner of my mind so I don’t have to think about it or wish for something I can’t have. When I walk out that door, it will be like my time with them never existed.

This is what I live for – being called in at the last minute, not knowing what to expect or what kind of danger I’ll be walking into… it’s what I was meant to do. It’s my life and fighting for something important has always made me happy.

So why the fuck am I standing here regretting the decision to go?

I should already have my go-bag in my hand and be out the fucking door leaving a cloud of dust in my wake, but Emma’s words from the previous day echo through my head.

“I love you, Austin. Can you tuck me in to bed every night?”

I never wanted this to happen; I wasn’t supposed to get attached. Stick around long enough to make sure Gwen and Emma were safe and then get the fuck out of here. I never expected sleeping with Gwen would stir up a shit storm of foreign emotions inside of me. I never expected to spend time with a kid and actually enjoy it. What the fuck is wrong with me?

You love them, you asshole.

Oh, fuck no. That’s not it. I like spending time with them, that’s all it is. It made me wish I had a different childhood and could be a different person. Gwen was wrong, I’m not afraid; I just don’t want that kind of life.

It’s complete and total bullshit that I’m actually contemplating calling Captain Risner back and telling him to find someone else. I am not this man. Gwen and Emma have spent enough time turning me inside out and my life upside down. It’s time for me to get the fuck out of here before I do something stupid and completely fuck up my career.

William is in jail where his sorry ass belongs, Dylan isn’t a creepy ass stalker with a twenty-year old obsession and Gwen and Emma are safe now; my job is done.

Grabbing my go-back from the floor by my feet, I toss it over my shoulder, determined to stick with the plan I’ve had all along – leave when the job is finished and don’t look back.

* * *

Of course the fucking flight is delayed. All I want to do is get out of this God forsaken town and now I’m stuck here for who knows how long. At least my connecting flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning so I have plenty of time.

“Daddy!”

Turning around at the sound of a little girl’s shout, I see a man in military fatigues walk through the door from the gangway with a crowd of other passengers whose plane just landed. As soon as he sees the girl, his face lights up with happiness and his eyes fill with tears. He drops his go-bag to the ground and races towards her. It’s like something out of a fucking Hallmak card or cheesy chick flick. The little girl, around Emma’s age, throws herself into his arms and he scoops her up, cradling her to him as tightly as he can.

I had seen the little girl and her mom pacing back and forth nervously with a few airport personnel while I stood here. Since 9-11, if you don’t have a ticket, you don’t get anywhere near the gate, but when it involves a soldier coming home from war, the airlines make exceptions.

Right now, I can’t take my eyes off of the scene in front of me no matter how much I want to look away. The woman joins in on the tearful reunion, wrapping her arms around both of them. The man finally looks away from the little girl to kiss his woman, telling her he loves her, and apologizing for being gone so long and missing so much.

“Baby, we were fine, you don’t have to apologize. This is what you do and I’m so proud of you. I’m just happy to have you home again,” the woman tells him through her tears.

“Daddy, can you tuck me in to bed every night now?” the little girl asks him.

My heart constricts like someone reached into my chest and wrapped their hands around it in a vice grip. It takes everything in me not to crumple to the floor in pain. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was having a heart attack right now, but I know that’s not it. Standing here watching this family reunite after so many months apart and seeing strength and love shining in the woman’s eyes, I realize what a huge mistake I made. Military families do this day in and day out. They say good-bye to a loved one and they do what they have to do to survive until they can be together again. It’s hard and it’s painful but if you love each other, anything is possible.

I love Gwen and Emma. I love the idea that when I leave to go on a mission, they’ll be there waiting for me with open arms when I get back. I love seeing all the pink Barbie shit strewn throughout my house and I love teaching Emma how to be a soldier. I love that Gwen will tell me when I’m being an ass and I can tell her when she’s being stubborn. I love that they both accepted me in their life and saw something in me that I never saw in myself. I don’t know how to be a husband or a father, but I can learn if Gwen and Emma will teach me. If anyone has the strength to be with a man who has a job like I do, it would be Gwen.

With one last look at the family next to me, I turn and race as fast as I can out of the airport. It’s time for me to get my head out of my ass and go get my girls; I just hope it’s not too late.

Chapter 28

Gwen

“I’m glad you’re coming with us to the police station,” I tell Ellie as I make my way to Brady’s apartment – my home. Funny how quickly being with Austin made me forget where I belong.

“I just want to stop at the apartment real quick so Emma and I can change. We ran out of clean clothes yesterday.”

Ellie has been quiet since she told Austin off before we left. She keeps running her hand through her hair nervously and turning around to check on Emma in the back seat. I know she’s scared to file her own report against William and I hope she goes through with it. When she goes back to New York, she needs to be protected.

“So, Emma, how would you like to come and visit Aunt Ellie in New York some time?” Ellie asks, turning around to look at Emma.

I watch in the rearview mirror as Emma shrugs, staring out the window at the passing landscape.

“Mom, are we going back to Austin’s house later?” she asks, meeting my gaze in the mirror.

I put on a brave smile for her even though I my heart hurts just thinking about him. In the end, he didn’t want us. As much as it pains me to admit it, we’re better off without him. We deserve someone in our lives that will fight for us.

“Austin has to go away for work, baby,” I tell her, not wanting to elaborate right now. I’ll save that for later when we’re alone and I can wrap my arms around her and try to explain to her why we won’t be seeing Austin anymore.

“Will he be home soon? He was going to show me how to do push-ups like soldiers do so I can grow big and strong,” she informs me.

Ellie rolls her eyes. “Emma, Austin isn’t coming back. You’re better off without him.”

“ELLIE!” I scold, craning my neck to see Emma’s lip quivering with emotion.

I turn back around and shoot Ellie an angry look, keeping my voice low so Emma doesn’t hear me even though I want to scream at my friend. “Why would you do that? She doesn’t need to know anything about this right now.”

Ellie huffs and shakes her head at me. “You can’t always sugar coat things with her. She’s a smart girl, she might as well find out now that men will always let you down.”

Ellie is so bitter and angry that I don’t know how to handle her, but I’m not about to let her hurt my child.

“Emma is my child and I will decide when and if she should know things. Please don’t talk to her about something she’s not going to understand,” I inform her.

The car is quiet the rest of the drive to Brady’s apartment and I’m glad for that. I always thought Ellie and I would be friends forever, but there’s a divide between us now that I don’t think we’ll ever be able to cross. She doesn’t know how to forgive me for insinuating that William didn’t really care about her, and I don’t know how to forgive her for falling in love with him.

When we get to the apartment building, I help Emma out of the car and Ellie follows along behind us as we make our way upstairs. I pass Karen in the hallway and she gives Emma and me a hug before hurrying out to run some errands.

“Alright, Emma, go on back and change your clothes, honey. I’m going to put our bags in my room and change then after that we have to go and meet some people, okay?” Emma nods and walks slowly out of the room towards her bedroom.

I don’t say anything to Ellie as I follow behind Emma and go into my room. I don’t know if I have anything left to say to her and it makes me sad – a lifetime of memories and friendship, gone in the blink of an eye. Throwing our bags on top of my bed, I decide to take a quick shower while Emma is changing, knowing that Ellie will keep an eye on her until I’m finished.

I shower quickly, throwing on a pair of yoga pants, tennis shoes and a long-sleeved shirt. I don’t hear any noise coming from the living room so I forego drying my hair to go out and see what Emma and Ellie are doing. When I step out from the hallway, what I see makes my blood run cold.

“Emma? Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask, racing over to where she lies on her back on the carpet in the middle of the room with her eyes closed.

I fall to the floor next to her, grabbing onto her face and turning her towards me. “Emma, baby, come on, wake up.”

When she doesn’t respond, my hands start to sweat and a knot of fear makes my stomach clench. I can see her chest rising and falling so I know she’s still breathing, but it doesn’t make me feel any better right now. I don’t know if she fainted or if something else happened and it scares the hell out of me.

“ELLIE!” I shout, frantically running my hands over Emma’s body to check for injuries before patting her cheeks, trying to get her to respond.

Glancing around the room quickly, I don’t see her in the living room or the kitchen. Looking back down at Emma, I wonder if she hit her head again. Checking under the bandage on her head, I see that her stitches are still in tact and I don’t see any blood. I lean down over her and start places kisses all over her face. “Come on, baby, wake up.”

Reaching in my pocket for my phone, I realize I left it in the bedroom.

“ELLIE! CALL 9-1-1!” I scream, continuing to check all over Emma’s body for signs of some kind of trauma.

I don’t know where Ellie is and right now I don’t care. I quickly slide my hands under Emma’s body to pick her up off of the floor and move her to the couch. When I get my arms under her, my fingers brush against something on the floor on the other side of her. Pulling my arms out, I lean over her and see a hypodermic needle on the carpet. With a shaking hand, I pick the needle up and stare at it in confusion.

“Oh, Jesus. Oh my God,” I whisper, tossing the needle to the ground and pulling up the sleeves of Emma’s shirt to check for needle marks on her skin.

It doesn’t even register in my mind that I should be questioning how in the hell a hypodermic needle found its way into this house and anywhere near my baby. The only thing going through my head is getting Emma to wake up and look at me.

Running my fingers up and down the smooth skin of her arm, I see the red mark on the outside of her upper arm and a whimper flies from my mouth. “No, no, no, come on baby, come on!”

Wrapping my arms around Emma, I pull her to my body and rock back and forth, the tears falling steadily down my face as I pray for her to wake up. Maybe Brady is diabetic and never told me. Maybe that was just his insulin. Maybe she’s just in shock and she’ll be fine after a few minutes. It can’t be anything more serious than that… it can’t.

I’m so busy sobbing for Emma to wake up that it doesn’t even occur to me that I should be worrying about someone else bringing that needle into this apartment.

“Oh stop crying, she’ll wake up eventually, it was just a tranquilizer.”

Too late, I look up just in time to see a hand holding the heavy, crystal candy dish from the coffee table flying toward my face. I have just enough time to scream before the dish cracks against the side of my skull and everything goes black.

Chapter 29

Austin

“What do you mean they never showed up?” I shout into my phone as I press down harder on the accelerator and fly through an intersection.

“I mean, I just got a call from my guy at the station in Nashville and he’s been waiting there for a few hours for Gwen and Ellie to show up and sign that report and they haven’t come in yet,” Mark tells me. “I called Gwen’s phone a bunch of times, but she hasn’t answered. Are you sure she was still willing to do this? The charges aren’t going to stick if I don’t get those signed forms immediately.”

I know Gwen was pissed at me about handing that file over to the police, but there’s no way she would flake out on this. She was on her way out the door to head straight to the police station the last time I saw her. She’s not the type of person who just wouldn’t show up when someone was expecting her. If she changed her mind about filing the report, she would have called the station.

“And you’re absolutely certain you have Stratford in your custody right now?” I question him, hoping that lines weren’t crossed and William somehow wasn’t where he was supposed to be.

“Actually, we couldn’t get a transfer that quickly for him to come back to New York. The department in Bowling Green did all of the questioning and video conferenced me in on it. I’m sorry, Austin, but he lawyered-up and they couldn’t keep him any longer since Gwen never signed the forms.”

The phone almost slips from my hands at Mark’s words and I have to fight to concentrate on the road while he continues talking.

“That guy is the biggest asshole I’ve ever seen. He adamantly denies ever being in Nashville or having any kind of contact with Gwen or Ellie. And I hate to say this, Austin, but the guy has a solid alibi. He decided not to go to the medical conference in Chicago and went to see his parents who live out that way instead. He’s been staying with them for the last week. They verified this with written statements and we also have eyewitness testimony from people who saw him out and about at different restaurants in the Bowling Green area. Even though he’s a pompous jerk, I don’t think he’s your guy that’s been stalking Gwen.”

That makes no sense. It can’t be right. Who the hell else would have done those things to Gwen? She didn’t imagine any of that shit. If it wasn’t Stratford trying to get under her skin, then who the fuck was it? It’s not just a coincidence that Gwen can’t be reached now that he’s no longer in police custody.

“He tried denying ever laying a hand on Gwen throughout their marriage until we threw that file you sent us down on the table in front of him. His face went completely white and I thought for sure he was going to throw up all over the table. His lawyer wouldn’t let him say another word,” Mark finishes.

“Something isn’t right, Mark. Gwen would never be a no-show. How long has it been since they let Stratford go?” I demand.

“I don’t know, maybe a few hours? Stratford’s lawyer told us he’d make sure to escort him immediately back to New York,” Mark explains.

“And you seriously fucking believed him? He’s been out on the loose for the same amount of time that Gwen hasn’t been able to be reached. That’s not a Goddamn coincidence. I’m going to her place now. Call your guy in Nashville and give him a head’s up,” I tell him as I change directions and head to Brady’s apartment.

“This lawyer is a top notch guy. There’s no way he’d let Stratford out of his sight.”

I scoff at Mark as I screech through another intersection. “You said so yourself – money talks and Stratford has a shit ton of it. Who the fuck knows how many people he’s got in his pocket doing his dirty work?”

Mark curses and I hear him shouting orders through the line. “We’re calling Nashville now and the lawyer. Call me as soon as you get to her place,” Mark informs me.

Ending the call, I weave in and out of traffic, hoping that this is all just a misunderstanding and Gwen and Emma are safe at home. Something doesn’t feel right about any of this though and I’m scared to death that they won’t be there. Even though I don’t like the guy, my gut is telling me Dylan doesn’t have anything to do with this. Better to be safe than sorry and needing to cross one last suspect off of my list, I scroll through my phone and find his contact information that I programmed there just in case when he stopped by the office.

“Dylan Callahan,” he answers.

“Callahan, it’s Conrad. Have you talked to Gwen at all today?” I ask him as I pull into Brady’s parking lot and find a spot right in front of the building.

“Yeah, she called earlier and apologized for you, saying you never told her I showed up looking for her. I guess I should have expected that. You looked like you wanted to rip my head off when I told you we had plans to meet while I was in town,” he says with a laugh.

“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not,” I tell him as I get out of my car and race into the building. “Are you still in town? I think something might have happened to Gwen and I need your help.”

Deciding to skip waiting for the elevator, I take the stairs two at a time.

“Jesus Christ, are you serious? No, I finished the job early and just left this morning, but I’m only a few hours away, I’ll turn around now and head back,” Dylan promises. “I’ll call the chief at the Nashville PD too, he owes me a favor.”

Even though this guy was most likely going to make a move on Gwen when he was in town, something tells me to trust him right now. I have a feeling I’m going to need all the help I can get.

I end the call with Dylan right when I get to Brady’s door. Sticking my key in the lock, the door pops open before I even have a chance to turn the key. Dread overwhelms me as I push the door open and walk inside the apartment. Gwen would never leave her door unlocked, even if she was home.

Before I even have a chance to call her name, something on the floor in the middle of the room catches my eye. Rushing over to it, I bend down and see the ugly glass candy dish Brady had on his coffee table. Picking it up, my heart skips a beat when I see blood caked on the side of it. Even though I want to hurl the dish across the room in fury, I quickly set it back down where it was in case the police can dust it for fingerprints.

Standing up, I take off running through the rest of the apartment, calling for Gwen and Emma as I check each room. I know it’s silly, I know they aren’t here, but I have to do something. I keep having a fleeting thought that I’ll open up a closet door and they’ll both be in there laughing because they pulled a prank on me. It’s the dumbest fucking thought in the world, but I can’t stop hoping it will be true as I fling open the last door and find it empty.

As I run back out into the living room, my boot crunches down on something I must not have noticed when I first got here. Lifting up my foot, I see a broken needle crushed into the carpet and the airport food I had earlier threatens to come up.

No, no, no… this can’t be happening.

I stare in horror at the hypodermic needle broken in half. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare. I thought Gwen and Emma were safe. I left because I was sure they’d be okay and now look what happened? Stratford hurt them; he took them and I’m scared to death I may never see them again so I can tell them what an idiot I was. I should have told Gwen I loved her; I should have told Emma I had no idea how to be her dad, but that I hope she would give me a chance and teach me how. Right now, I would sit in a room filled with a thousand pink Barbies if it meant Emma was sitting next to me and I could hear her laugh.

Hearing the sounds of police sirens outside, I’m thankful that at least Dylan came through with help. We have to find them; they have to be okay. I’ve been on plenty of missions that didn’t go according to plan and lives were lost, but right now, failure is not an option. These girls are my whole life. If anything happens to them, I’ll never forgive myself.

Chapter 30

Gwen

I can’t believe what a fool I’ve been. I let my guard down for the first time in months and now I’m going to pay the ultimate price – the one person in my world that I love more than my own life will be taken from me in the blink of an eye because of my stupidity. I did everything I could to keep Emma safe; I hid, I lied and I worked my fingers to the bone, but it was all for nothing. This precious little being that came screaming into my world six years ago and gave me a reason to breathe every single day since then – I had failed her.

I watch in horror as my baby struggles to breathe through the tears and the thick, silver tape over her mouth. Her muffled whimpers are like a knife straight through my heart and I fight with everything inside of me to get loose from the bindings holding me in place. I scream and cry with a pain I’ve never felt before as I try so hard to get free. The ropes cut into my wrists and ankles as I twist and turn, thrash and fight. I need to go to her, I need to wrap my arms around her and calm her fears, tell her everything will be okay, but I can’t. How does a mother sit tied to a chair on the other side of the room from her child and just watch her suffer? The years of mental and physical abuse, broken bones and shattered spirit are nothing compared to this.

“You just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? We were supposed to be a family and you ruined it all.”

A fist connects with my cheek and for a moment, I close my eyes to ward off the pain. I don’t have time to wallow in my own self-pity though. I quickly blink my eyes back into focus and my gaze immediately goes to my little one across the room, staring at me wide-eyed. My pain means nothing right now; the only thing that matters to me is making sure Emma is okay. It’s been just the two of us against the world for months now. I had my brother, and I had Austin, but it’s not the same. Their love doesn’t even hold a candle to the love between a mother and daughter. There’s a piece of my heart living and breathing outside of my body and for six years it’s been the most amazing miracle to watch her grow and change. Now, I realize just how fragile that piece of my heart is; I can’t protect her and I can’t save her. I don’t want her to see how scared I am, but I can do nothing to stop the sobs from escaping.

The fear and sadness I see on my daughter’s beautiful, perfect little face makes my stomach cramp and hurts worse than any blow I’ve ever taken to my body. I’m accustomed to the agony and humiliation of abuse. I’ve learned how to shut down my mind and my heart and pretend like it wasn’t really happening to me, but Emma was never supposed to witness this horror. She was never supposed to know how weak I really am. I did everything I could to shield her from this awfulness – I fled in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on our backs, I made a new life for us and I showered my girl with enough love to make up for the missing parent in her life.

I should have realized you could never outrun your past. It always has a way of catching up with you. My past and my present have collided and nothing will be able to heal the wounds from this devastation.

For a brief moment, I wish Austin was here. I tried so hard not to love him, not to trust him, but it was impossible. He was full of life and made me want things I knew I could never have. He made me promises I should have known he wouldn’t keep and he made me want in things I had no business dreaming of. I should have known he’d run the first chance he got. I always trusted the wrong people and it always came back to bite me in the ass.

“You took everything from me. I had a plan. It was going to be perfect.”

I look at the person standing in front of me and can’t believe this is really happening. When I was so frantically trying to get Emma to wake up earlier, I assumed Ellie had finally had enough and left to go back to New York without telling me. I didn’t even notice that we weren’t alone in the apartment. I didn’t anticipate that someone I’ve trusted my entire life would turn on me.

When I came to a little while ago, my head hurt so bad I thought I would throw up. I could feel blood dripping down the side of my face and knew from experience that I had a concussion. When I tried to reach up to wipe the blood off of my face, I realized I was tied to a chair. A whimper from across the room made my heart clench in fear and when I looked up, I saw Emma tied to a chair much like I was.

Soon after, the nightmare grew increasingly worse with each word that was spoken and each punch I took to my face and body when my answers weren’t the ones expected. I don’t know what to do; I don’t know what to say to make this nightmare end. My heart shatters as I think about how we got here.

My eyes flew open and I ignored the pain in my head and the person standing in front of me with a gun aimed in my direction as I quickly scanned the apartment in search of Emma.

“Where’s Emma? She’s hurt. What did you do with her?” I asked angrily, pressing a hand to my aching head.

I had to push aside the shock and confusion that filled my mind. I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t care what happened to me. All that mattered was making sure Emma was okay. I am not the same weak, defenseless woman this person used to know. I am a fighter and I will fight to the death for my child.

“Emma is tied up in the back of my car so don’t think about doing anything stupid or I’ll just shoot you now without letting you say good-bye,” I was told as my arm was suddenly grabbed and I was pulled roughly up from the couch.

Maybe it was a lie. I couldn’t believe this person would ever hurt Emma.

My head throbbed and my vision swam as I was dragged through the apartment and out the front door, the gun shoved roughly against my side.

“Why are you doing this?” I demanded as I was pushed down the stairs and out the door into the parking lot.

Everything in me told me to run and scream for help. As soon as we got to the car though and I saw Emma with tape over her mouth and rope around her wrists and ankles, slumped against the door in the backseat, thoughts of causing a scene escaped from my mind and all I could think about was getting to my baby.

I flung open the back door and scrambled inside, sobbing as I pulled Emma onto my lap and started to remove her bindings.

The feel of hard metal against the back of my skull halted my movements and my hands froze.

“Put her down and get in the front seat or I’ll shoot you both right now.”

If I were alone, I would have turned around and knocked the gun away. I would have put all of those self-defense videos Brady made me watch over and over after I moved here to good use and fought. But I’m not alone. If something went wrong, my daughter could be caught in the crossfire. I had no choice but to do what was asked.

With a tearful kiss to the top of Emma’s head, I gently laid her down on the seat and backed out of the car, moving to the front as the gun remained on me.

The entire drive to downtown was quiet. No matter how many questions I asked, they were refused an answer. When we pulled into the back parking lot behind Brady’s office and I was forced towards the stairs of the walk-in basement to the abandoned restaurant next door, I tried to fight since Emma was still in the backseat of the car and out of harms way. I punched, I hit, I kicked – whatever I could do to try and change the outcome of this nightmare. I didn’t care that there was a gun aimed at me, I didn’t care if I was too weak to do any real damage, I had to try. In the middle of the scuffle, right when I thought I might get the upper hand, I lost my footing and was shoved down the hard, concrete steps. I landed at the bottom right on top of my bad arm. As soon as I heard the snap of bones breaking in my already fragile arm and the pain shot through me, I lost my battle with consciousness.

I don’t know how long we’ve been down here in this wine cellar, but I hope to God it’s long enough for someone to be looking for us. I hate that my blind trust has put my daughter in harm’s way. If anything else happens to her I’ll never be able to forgive myself. She is the one perfect thing in my life and I can’t stand the thought of what she must be thinking and feeling right now. She trusted me to keep her safe and I couldn’t do it.

Austin would tell me to stop being such a damn martyr and suck it up. I hate that my thoughts immediately go to him when he walked away without a backwards glance. I wish he would have trusted me as much as I did him; I wish he would have known that I would take any part of him he could spare, just as long as he promised to come back to us when his job was finished.

My whole body aches and my spirit deflates as I stare across the room at my baby and come to the realization that we might not get out of this basement alive. The damage done to my arm when I was pushed down the stairs has left it completely useless. I can’t even wiggle my fingers and any type of movement in my body, no matter how slight, is enough to have me seeing stars and swallowing down bile. The pain of having it pulled behind me and tied to a chair is so acute that I don’t know how much more I can take before I pass out again. I force myself to smile at my girl and give her hope, even though I’ve lost all of mine.

Chapter 31

Austin

“You son of a bitch! You had one fucking job. One job and that was to keep them safe!”

I look up as the door to the apartment crashes open and Brady charges across the room at me. His fist slams into my cheek and I don’t even bother fighting back when he punches me again. I’m perfectly fine with letting him beat the shit out of me, but the police officers that fill the room have other ideas. They pull him off of me and drag him back over by the door as I cradle my jaw in my hand.

“God dammit, let me go! Let me fucking go!” Brady shouts as he fights against their hold, his eyes wild and full of anger.

Dylan steps over to Brady and grabs onto the front of his shirt, yanking him close. “Dude, reel it the fuck in. I know you’re pissed, but beating the hell out of one of your best friends isn’t going to help Gwen and Emma. Calm your ass down right now.”

Brady takes a couple of deep breaths and his shoulders sag, the fight finally leaving him. The three men holding onto him finally let go and step away when they realize he’s calmed down. As they head into the kitchen with the rest of the team that have set up a make-shift command center at the table, Brady looks across the room at me, the disappointment on his face crystal clear and I completely lose it.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,” I tell him brokenly, my legs giving out as I slide down the wall into a heap on the floor.

I let my best friend down and I let Gwen and Emma down. They weren’t a job; they were more than a job. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what the fuck to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m crawling out of my skin with fear and worry and now that Brady’s here it makes everything worse. He trusted me to keep his family safe and I failed him.

Brady walks across the room to me and I’m more than a little shocked that he slides down the wall to sit next to me instead of kicking my ass some more. Closing my eyes, I let my head thump back against the wall and we sit there in silence for a few minutes.

“Next to Layla, they’re my whole life, man,” Brady says quietly. I keep my eyes closed as he talks, knowing if I look at him I’m going to start crying like a fucking baby. “I was the shittiest brother in the world. As soon as I turned eighteen I got the fuck out of dodge and left her alone there with our parents. I had no idea that asshole she married would turn out to be a monster. I had no idea what he’d been doing to her all those years because I chose to shut her out. It was easier that way. It made me feel less guilty for leaving. And then one night she showed up on my doorstep with her arm in a cast, broken ribs and a black and blue face looking so small and helpless with Emma by her side and I knew right then and there that I would never let her down again.”

I don’t want to hear this, but I have to. It’s my fault that Gwen was let down again. It’s my fault that she’s in danger.

“I’m sorry. Jesus Christ I’m so sorry,” I mutter.

“Will you stop saying you’re fucking sorry? It’s not your fault.”

I finally open my eyes and look at Brady in confusion.

He just rolls his head at me. “I’m scared out of my mind and I lost my temper, that’s all. It would have happened even if I’d been here. There’s nothing you could have done to keep that fucker away from them. There’s nothing either of us could have done.”

I shake my head in denial. “I left them, man. I just walked away. I got a call from Risner and I bolted. I thought it was best, I didn’t want her to have any more baggage than she already did and we both know I’ve got enough to fill a thousand suitcases.”

Brady studies my face and after a few seconds he curses. “God dammit. You slept with her didn’t you?”

At this point it’s probably best not to answer him. My jaw still hurts from his punches and even though I deserve more, I’m not in the mood for them right now.

“You’re lucky I didn’t know that when I first walked in here or your face would be a pile of ground meat right now,” Brady mutters. “What do the police know so far?”

I fill him in what I found when I got here and how once the police arrived and they bagged up the needle and the dish, we started going over all of the information I’d been collecting the past few weeks. Right before Brady got here, Mark called to tell me that Stratford’s lawyer wasn’t answering his phone so the two men were still MIA and another BOLO was issued for both of them.

“What about Ellie?” Brady asks when I finish.

“Same. Calls to her phone are going unanswered so they’re assuming Stratford has all three of them. Her car isn’t in the parking lot so he must have taken them in it. The cops have her license plate and the description of her car and they’re on the lookout for it now. They also put a call in to her parents back in New York and they haven’t heard from her in a couple of days. They were surprised to hear she was in Nashville, she never told them she was going out of town,” I explain to him.

“Speaking of calls, sorry for not returning the messages you left me right away. Living on a tour bus is fucking insane and who knows what city I lost my phone in,” Brady tells me in irritation.

One of the officers comes into the living room from the hall with a cell phone in his hand. “Hey, we found this cell phone in the back bedroom. Anybody know who it belongs to?”

Brady and I look up and Brady is the first to speak. “Yeah, that’s Gwen’s. Guess we know why it hasn’t been answered all day.”

Brady reaches for it, but I quickly push myself up from the ground and grab it out of the officer’s hand. Something Gwen said to me the day Emma got hurt and I took her to the hospital nags at the back of my mind.

“That’s weird, I didn’t have any missed calls from you. Something must be wrong with my phone.”

Brady stands up next to me as I quickly scan through all of her missed calls from that day. Not finding any from my phone to Gwen’s from the time I was busy driving like a maniac to get Emma to the hospital, I pull out my own phone from my back pocket and search the outgoing call log. My heart fills with dread when I don’t see one call made to Gwen’s phone that day.

“Just got a call from New York. Stratford and his lawyer just landed at LaGuardia so that’s why the calls to him went unanswered. They’ve been at the airport since they left the station earlier, we just confirmed it with the airlines,” one of the officers shouts from the kitchen.

So Stratford couldn’t have been the one to do this. Everything starts to quickly click into place. How could I have never thought it was odd that Ellie showed back up in Gwen’s life right when strange things started happening to her?

“Son of a bitch!” I shout, shoving Gwen’s phone back into the officer’s hand and stalking towards the door where I left my go-back when I brought it in right before Brady got here. Reaching inside, I grab my 9mm and check to make sure it’s loaded. I know exactly who has my girls and it fills me with rage. All this time the person we should have been looking at was right in front of our faces. Shoving my gun into my back waistband and turning around to face the room full of men with questions on their faces.

“I know who has them and I think I know where they might be.”

The place is suddenly a flurry of activity as phone calls are made and everyone scrambles around checking their weapons and making a plan.

“I hope you’re right about this, I need my girls back,” Brady tells me as we rush out of the building.

Sliding behind the wheel of my SUV as Brady hops into the passenger seat, I look over at him before pulling out of the parking lot. “No, we need our girls back.”

I peel out onto the street forcing another driver to slam on their brakes to make way for me.

Brady sighs as he grabs tightly to the door handle. “We’ll discuss that later.”

Chapter 32

Gwen

Ellie stalks over to Emma and rips the tape off of her mouth and I cringe as Emma cries out in pain.

“Please, don’t do this! You love her, I know you love her. I’m sorry the things I did hurt you, but please, don’t take it out on her.”

I can feel layers of my skin being ripped to shreds as I continue to use every ounce of strength left in me to get free. Blood drips down my palms and off the tips of my fingers to pool on the floor as the woman I spent my life trusting aims a gun at Emma’s chest.

Oh God, this can’t be happening. I can’t live in a world where she doesn’t exist.

“William should have been mine from the beginning,” Ellie growls at me angrily as she starts waving the gun around. “Did you know I saw him first that night at the charity event? We danced and we laughed and he asked me out to dinner. Then he saw you and forgot all about me.”

I look at Emma again and try to hold her frightened gaze in my own. I want her to know that everything will be okay, but I don’t know if it will. For the first time since she was born, I don’t know how to protect her.

“I’m sorry, Ellie, I had no idea. Just put the gun down and we can talk about it,” I plead with her.

Ellie laughs manically and shakes her head at me. “I’m so sick and tired of talking to you. You think you’re so much better than me. You get the man I was supposed to have and you get the daughter that was supposed to be mine. I thought once you finally left William that he and I could finally be together, but all he did was talk about you and his stupid, perfect little girl for the first month. I figured if you thought he was stalking you, you’d be so preoccupied that I could come in and take Emma so that William and I could be a family. You had to go running to someone, didn’t you? As soon as Austin started sticking his nose into everything, my plan went to shit.”

After everything that’s happened today, you would think that nothing Ellie says would surprise me, but that’s not the case. She was the one behind the mugs and the letter and the flowers. All along it was Ellie terrorizing me, not William.

“And you thought this was a better plan? What are you going to do now, Ellie? Do you honestly think you can take Emma away right now after everything you’ve done?” I shout.

Ellie paces back and forth in front of Emma and I want nothing more than for her to move away from my baby. I want her to focus on me and not my daughter.

“I changed my mind, I don’t want her after all. I mean, William didn’t even want her anymore either. Did you know he was going to give you sole custody? He wanted the two of us to start fresh. I figured he would regret it so I wanted to surprise him by bringing his daughter back to him. But she’s more trouble than she’s worth. She used to be sweet when she was younger. She’s spent too much time alone with you and now she has your attitude.”

Emma looks up at Ellie and frowns. “I don’t like you anymore, Aunt Ellie, you’re mean.”

Ellie looks at her in disgust and rolls her eyes. “See what I mean? That child doesn’t know her place. William could have taught her a thing or two about manners.”

The idea that Ellie actually thinks having William discipline Emma in his own way is a good idea makes me sick. I need to keep her talking; I need to get her away from Emma.

“What about your black eye and busted lip? Was William trying to teach you some manners?” I ask her sarcastically.

I’d rather she be mad at me than Emma. I’ll take a hundred more punches as long as she leaves Emma alone.

“William was never here, you idiot. I did that to myself with the television remote from the hotel. He had no idea I was in Nashville, he’s been visiting his parents for the last week,” Ellie informs me, stepping away from Emma.

“Hey, Aunt Ellie!” Emma shouts.

Ellie whips around and I shake my head frantically, trying to tell Emma to be quiet and not bring any attention to herself, but she doesn’t notice.

“What?” Ellie asks in annoyance.

“When Austin gets here, he’s going to put you in jail with the bad Barbies,” Emma tells her proudly.

I sob as Ellie walks closer to her. “Ellie, please!”

Ellie ignores me as she squats down in front of Emma’s chair. “Your knight in shining armor doesn’t give two shits about you, kiddo.”

Ellie stands up and the click of a bullet being released into the chamber of her gun echoes around the room. Ellie points the gun at Emma again and stares right at her as she throws one last threat my way. “Now it’s your turn to lose it all.”

I hold Emma’s gaze in my own and try to tell her with my eyes how much I love her and how sorry I am. With a sinking feeling of dread that makes me nauseous, I know our time is up. There’s nothing I can do now but pray that death happens quickly and painlessly for my beautiful baby girl – and that this asshole will show a tiny bit of mercy and put me out of my misery soon after.

Ellie starts to turn her head in my direction when Emma brings her attention back around with another statement. “Austin will save us.”

Emma opens her mouth and screams at the top of her lungs while Ellie stares at her in confusion.

The explosion of a gun going off happens without warning and I let out a blood-curdling scream.

Chapter 33

Austin

“So you’re sure about this?” Brady asks as we pull up to the front of the building.

“Gwen mentioned to me that she and Ellie talked about the old restaurant next to your office. Ellie isn’t familiar with Nashville and the police already checked the two hotels where she’s been staying. I can’t think of any other place she would have taken them,” I explain to him as we get out of my vehicle and head to the front door.

One of the officers comes running up from the back of building. “We got a positive on Ellie Larson’s vehicle packed around back.”

I turn towards Brady. “What’s the layout of this place? Should we go in the same way she did or try the front?”

Brady looks up and down the sidewalk, thinking for a minute. “There’s a walk-up basement that leads right into the wine cellar. If she parked back there, that’s probably where she’s keeping them. We won’t be able to sneak up on them if we go through the back. I think we should go in through the front and take the stairs located off the bar. When you get to the bottom of the stairs, there’s a long hallway that opens up to the cellar. That way we’ll at least be able to get a bead on the situation first and go from there.”

Sending the rest of the officers around back in case Ellie tries to run, Brady and I make our way alone into the empty restaurant. Creeping quietly around boxes and overturned tables and chairs, I lead the way down into the basement.

Brady and I have done this a thousand times together. We’ve walked into dangerous situations not being able to speak and make our presence known. We’ve learned how to communicate with hand signals and one single look to tell the other what we should do, but this time is different. This time, people we love are depending on us to not make any mistakes. The only looks that pass back and forth between us right now are ones of worry and fear.

Stepping down off the bottom step, we stick to the wall of the hallway as we quietly make our way closer to the wine cellar. I pull my gun out of its holster at my back when I hear voices at the far end of the hallway. My heart jumps into my throat when I hear Gwen’s sobs and it takes everything in me not to take off running the rest of the way to get to her as fast as I can. I can hear Brady’s labored breathing behind me and I know he’s feeling the exact same way as I am.

I inch closer to the end of the hallway, trying to ignore the sounds of Gwen pleading and crying. When I get to the doorway that opens up into the main room, I slowly peer around the corner and the sight before me takes my breath away. Gwen is tied to a chair with her back to me and Emma is across the room from her, tied up in a similar manner. All of my SEAL training disappears and the only thing I want to do is scream in rage and do whatever it takes to get my girls away from the woman holding a gun on them. I have to swallow back the terror that will have me doing something irrational and getting them hurt worse. I need to be smart about this and remain calm.

Tearing my eyes away from the painful scene, I take a step back and whisper as quietly as I can to Brady. “They’re both tied up. Ellie has a gun on Emma.”

Even in the dark hallway I can see the same fury I’m feeling wash over his face. He clenches his jaw and takes a few calming breaths before nodding once.

Turning away from him, I move forward a little more until I can slowly creep around the corner and into the room, careful not to alert Ellie that anyone else is here with them. The movement catches Emma’s eye from across the room and I quickly raise a finger to my mouth when she looks at me, hoping she won’t give my position away to Ellie before I’m ready.

Just then, Ellie starts to turn away from Emma and I know she’ll see me. I won’t have time to back up and hide before that happens and I begin to panic.

“Hey, Aunt Ellie!” Emma yells suddenly.

I hold my breath as I watch Ellie quickly turn back towards Emma and I begin to move forward a little more. I need a clear shot at Ellie and I need her away from Emma to do that.

“When Austin gets here, he’s going to put you in jail with the bad Barbies,” Emma tells Ellie confidently with a raise of her chin.

If I weren’t scared out of my fucking mind right now I would laugh at Emma’s assurance and bravery. Ellie moves closer to Emma and I take another step until I’m a few feet behind Gwen. I want to whisper to her that I’m right here and that I’m not going to let anything happen to either one of them, but I have to remain quiet. I can hear Gwen sobbing and it rips a hole right through my heart.

Ellie mutters something to Emma and stands up, loading a bullet in place before pointing the gun right at her.

“Now it’s your turn to lose it all,” Ellie states angrily as she begins to turn in my direction.

God dammit! She’s still too close to Emma. I can’t risk taking the shot now and there’s nothing I can do before Ellie sees me standing here.

As my brain goes through every single scenario and the possible outcomes, each one worse than the last, Emma speaks up again. “Austin will save us.”

Right then, this brave little girl looks directly at me and smiles before opening her mouth and screaming for all she’s worth. It’s enough of a distraction that Ellie moves back away from Emma a few feet and I have a clear shot at her. I pull the trigger, hitting Ellie in the shoulder. Her body flies backwards and the gun falls from her hand as she drops to the floor.

Gwen’s terrified screams fill the room and I quickly rush to her, tossing my gun to the ground as I bend down in front of her and grab her face with my hands. Brady rushes past me to Emma’s side and the police officers that were waiting just outside of the walk-up door come charging down the stairs. Within seconds they have Ellie surrounded with their guns pointed at her while Brady quickly unties Emma, muttering words of love and praise to her the entire time.

“Baby, it’s okay, it’s all over, look at me,” I plead to Gwen.

With a sob, Gwen opens her eyes, her head moving to the side to look around me at Emma. She’s having a hard time taking in air as she continues to cry while I let go of her face and get the ropes off of her. She needs medical attention immediately. She’s got a gash in her hairline that is steadily dripping blood down the side of her face and I know immediately the cause for the blood on the crystal dish I found in the apartment.

As soon as Gwen is free from the ropes, she stands quickly, but her legs give out from under her and she starts to fall. I wrap my arms around her and hold her steady as Emma is finally freed and races over to us.

“Oh God, oh baby, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Gwen sobs as I help her down to the ground so she can wrap her arms around Emma.

I have to choke back tears as Gwen holds tightly to Emma and rocks her back and forth. With my arm around Gwen’s waist, I reach my hand up and smooth it down the back of Emma’s head as she squeezes tight to her mother.

“Did I do a good diversion, Austin?” Emma suddenly asks, lifting her head from Gwen’s shoulder and smiling at me.

I don’t even bother fighting the tears at this point, I let them fall from my eyes as I lean over and kiss the top of Emma’s head. “You did so good baby, I’m so proud of you.”

There’s a flurry of activity around us as paramedics storm down into the basement and begin loading Ellie up on a stretcher while Brady shouts orders to everyone. One of the paramedics squats down next to us and starts looking over Gwen and Emma and I’m not about to let go of either one of them so he better not expect me to or I’ll kick his ass.

“I knew you’d come and save us, Austin. You’re a soldier and you told me soldier’s never leave a man behind,” Emma tells me proudly. “I know me and mommy aren’t men, but I knew you wouldn’t leave us behind.”

Resting my forehead against Emma’s, I close my eyes and thank God for this little girl. “You are so smart and so brave, Emma. You are the best soldier I’ve ever worked with.”

I hear Gwen moan softly and I turn to look at her and see that her eyes are starting to flutter closed.

“Ma’am, we need to get you to the hospital right away,” the paramedic tells Gwen, wrapping his arms around her and helping her to her feet.

Taking Emma out of Gwen’s arms, I lift her up as I stand and Brady rushes over, helping the paramedic get Gwen to another stretcher.

“I don’t want to leave my daughter, please,” Gwen begs as she’s pushed back onto the stretcher and strapped in.

“It’s okay, Gwen, I’ve got her. We’re going to be right here with you the entire time,” I tell her, shooting the paramedic a threatening look in case he decides to argue and tell me that we can’t ride in the ambulance. The man smartly smiles at me and nods.

Emma wraps her arms around my neck and I hold her close to me, wondering how in the hell I ever thought I could walk away from her and never feel her hugs again.

The paramedics lift the stretcher and lock the legs into place as Brady leans down and places a kiss on Gwen’s forehead.

“You took ten years off my life today, little sis,” he whispers.

“Good, you were starting to look old as shit,” Gwen mumbles.

“Yeah, she’s going to be just fine,” Brady says with a laugh.

When they get Gwen up the stairs and into the back of the ambulance, I climb inside with Emma in my arms and set her down in my lap on the bench along the side as Brady slides in next to us. The ambulance siren screams as the vehicle starts up and speeds out of the parking lot and the paramedic starts an I.V. in Gwen’s arm.

I try to keep my fears at bay as I look Gwen over and all of the bruises and blood that mark her beautiful face.

Leaning forward with Emma in my arms, I kiss the top of Gwen’s head as she fights to stay conscious.

“I love you, Gwen, do you hear me? I love you so fucking much,” I whisper in her ear.

“Austin!” Emma scolds, holding her small hand out in between us.

“You know what, how about I just write you a check for college?” I ask as Brady chuckles next to me.

Gwen doesn’t say a word, but I see a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth before she loses her battle and passes out.

Epilogue

Austin

Three months later…

My boots crunch through the snow on the sidewalk as I make my way to the front door and stick my key in the lock. As I quietly push the door open, I’m met with the sight of a huge Christmas tree lit up in the corner of the room and stockings hung by the fireplace. I smile to myself as I close the door behind me, dropping my go-bag on the floor and kicking my boots off.

“Don’t you even think of leaving your stuff there on the floor, I just cleaned the house.”

Looking up, I can’t stop the huge grin that spreads across my face when I see Gwen standing at the end of the hallway wearing nothing but one of my dress shirts with her arms folded, giving me a dirty look. I’ve only been gone two weeks, but it felt like a lifetime. I never really cared much about going home in between missions before, perfectly fine with moving right on to something else without any down time, but things are different now.

“But I’m home two days early, darlin’, doesn’t that earn me a few brownie points?” I ask.

I watch as Gwen tries to keep a stern face, but quickly loses the battle. She lets out a squeal and races across the room. I have just enough time to brace myself as she throws herself into my arms and wraps her legs around my waist. Holding her tightly to me, I bury my face in the side of her neck and breathe her in while she runs her fingers through my hair. I was an asshole for ever thinking I could live without this woman. It’s been a tough road getting to where we are now, but every single day has been worth it.

After a few days in the hospital to repair her arm from that day in the wine cellar three months ago, Gwen went through a really hard time, understandably. She couldn’t stand to have Emma out of her sight for more than a few seconds at a time and after so many years of trying to be strong all on her own, it finally took its toll on her and she broke down. All I wanted to do was hold onto her and never let her go, try to make everything better, but she didn’t want to have anything to do with me. She hated herself for allowing Ellie to fool her and she hated me even more for being the one to help rescue her and Emma when I had left them without looking back. She’d tried for so long to be strong and independent and it killed her that once again she had to lean on someone else for help to save her.

Brady and I had been taking turns between standing watch over Gwen and being with Emma back at the apartment. I was climbing the walls and nothing made it better. If I was at the hospital holding Gwen’s hand while she was under anesthesia in between surgeries, I was thinking about Emma and anxious to get home to her. If I was with Emma watching movies and tucking her in at night, I was thinking about Gwen and wishing I could be with her. Nothing would get better until both of my girls were back under the same roof and I could breathe again.

After Gwen’s second surgery, I sat in my usual spot in an uncomfortable chair pulled up right next to her bed. With my elbows resting on the edge, I gently held the hand of her injured arm in both of mine, tracing the lines of her palm and talking to her softly. She had yet to wake up or give us any indication that she heard us ever since that hint of a smile in the ambulance. The doctors assured us that it was just her mind’s way of healing after such a trauma, but I still didn’t like it. I wanted to see her eyes, I needed to hear her voice… I just needed HER.

Five minutes before I needed to head home to relieve Brady from Emma duty, I pressed my lips to Gwen’s cheek and whispered in her ear how much I loved her. When I pulled back, she was looking right at me.

“Oh my God it’s so good to see those beautiful eyes again,” I told her softly as tears pooled in my eyes.

I placed kisses all over her face, excited laughter bubbling out of me mixed with tears now that she was finally awake. I ran my hand over the top of her head, down her cheek and over her shoulder. I just couldn’t stop touching her.

She didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at me while I fussed over her. A few minutes later, she finally moved her uninjured hand up to her face and yanked the oxygen mask away. When she tried to speak, it came out raspy and garbled. I quickly moved to the other side of her bed and grabbed a cup of water with a straw that the nurse had placed on her bedside table earlier and held it to her lips.

After a few slow sips and a couple of coughs, she finally spoke. “Where’s Emma?”

I placed the cup back on the table and smiled down at her. “She’s at home with Brady. We’ve been taking turns being with her and being here with you. She’s going to be so happy that you’re awake.”

I reached for her good hand, but she quickly pulled it away. I tried not to let it bother me, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it hurt a little. I just wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her what an idiot I was.

“I think you should go now,” she whispered.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and nodded. “Yeah, I need to get back to Brady’s place so he can have his turn up here with you.”

She shook her head, refusing to look at me. “No, I mean, you need to go. I don’t want you here and I don’t want you around Emma.”

My heart skipped a beat and I was afraid that I might start bawling like a baby if I didn’t try to remain calm. She just woke up. She’s confused and she’s been through a lot. That was all this was.

Before I can speak and reassure her that I wasn’t going anywhere ever again, she continued. “You made your choice to leave and now I’m making mine. I don’t want you anymore, I don’t need you anymore, and my daughter sure as hell doesn’t need someone like you in her life that thinks he can just walk away whenever he wants. Get. Out.”

As her voice grew stronger and louder with each word, it garnered the attention of one of the nurses that was walking by. She immediately came into the room and asked Gwen if there was a problem.

Not wanting to make a scene, I walked out of the room wondering how in the hell I would ever be able to change her mind.

Even though she flat out told me not to come back, there was no fucking way I could listen to her. No matter how hard Brady and I tried to convince her that she wasn’t alone and that she should lean on us, she didn’t want to hear it, especially from me. In her mind, she had failed her daughter and it broke her heart.

And it broke mine to see her like that. Everything about my life had changed the moment her and her attitude walked in the door and the first time Emma demanded that I give her money for her swear jar. It wasn’t just about me anymore and about my future. The only thing I cared about was making sure these two women, who meant more to me than anything else in the world, were happy.

After Gwen got out of the hospital, I went to Brady’s place every single day. And every single day, Gwen would lock herself in her bedroom and refuse to talk to me. I knew it would be hard to convince her that I wanted to be in hers and Emma’s life and that I had made a horrible mistake by walking out on them, but as I’ve said before, I’m a Navy SEAL and we don’t give up very easily.

Brady decided not to kick my ass for sleeping with his sister and instead gave me a few pointers. I knew showing up with flowers would never be a good fucking idea so instead, I just showed up.

Every day for a month.

I turned down the mission to Kuwait and took that month off to show Gwen that she couldn’t get rid of me that easily. Since she wouldn’t speak to me, I spent the time with Emma making sure she was healing okay from the day in the wine cellar, letting her teach me how to be a father and tucking her in every night. Eventually, Emma wouldn’t let Gwen hide out in her room and forced her to interact with me. To say I was scared to death to finally talk to her is an understatement. I had so many things I wanted to say to her and I didn’t want them to come out wrong. But most of all, I needed to know if she could handle a life with me. And if that’s what she even wanted anymore.

As I hold Gwen in my arms and stare around my rental house at the Christmas decorations and other womanly touches that Gwen and Emma have scattered everywhere, I smile thinking about the day she finally gave in.

Brady left a little while ago to finish up some paperwork at the office. I knew he did it to give Gwen and I some time alone together now that she’s started to warm up to me a little more and I don’t know whether to thank him or kick his ass. By the way Gwen is glaring at me over by the door, I’m guessing she’d have no problem doing the ass kicking.

“Thanks for tucking Emma in, you can go now,” she said, pulling open the door and waiting for me to leave.

I took a deep breath and walked up to her, stopping when we were to-to-toe. “I love you.”

Gwen scoffed and opened the door wider. “Like I said, you can go now.”

Reaching around her, I grabbed onto the door and shoved it closed. “And like I said, I love you.”

She rolled her eyes and started to walk away from me, but I quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her against me. “You can’t keep ignoring me.”

She tried to struggle out of my arms, but I held tight, missing the feel of her against me so much it hurt.

“Oh believe me, I can definitely keep ignoring you. You can stop with the act any time. I know you have somewhere you’d rather be and as you can see, Emma and I are fine now. You don’t need to stick around anymore.”

She put up a brave front, but I could tell saying those words hurt her and it meant that she still had feelings for me. It gave me the courage I needed to lay it all out on the table.

“Fine, you can ignore me. I don’t need you to talk anyway, just listen,” I started. She huffed and crossed her arms between us since I refused to let go of her.

“Walking away from you and Emma was the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t know until I was gone that everything I’d ever wanted was right here in front of me. I was afraid. I was afraid to tell you how much I wanted you only to have you tell me that you couldn’t handle a life with me because of the job I have. You and Emma are important to me, I love you both, but my job is also important. I don’t want to let you and Emma down, but I also can’t let my men down and I don’t know how the fuck to have both. I don’t know how to do this, but I want to try. I want to wake up to you every day when I’m home and I want to play fucking Barbies with Emma every night before bed. I want to take away every one of your bad memories and replace them with good ones. I can’t promise you when I’ll be here or when I’ll have to go away on a mission, but I can promise you that every second I spend with you, I will never let you forget how much you mean to me.”

Gwen’s eyes closed halfway through my speech and I had a moment of doubt that it was too much for her too soon. She was still healing from the nightmare of Ellie and she was knee-deep in getting the charges against William ironed out and here I was adding one more thing onto her shoulders.

After a few minutes, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

“God dammit,” she muttered.

I figured the only way to fix this now was to backpedal. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in but –”

My words were cut off when she unfolded her arms, grabbed onto the front of my shirt and pulled my mouth down to hers. As soon as our lips touched I was lost and forgot everything else I hadn’t even told her yet. I deepened the kiss as her arms slid around my shoulders and I knew right then that no matter what, I would do everything I could to convince her that I meant what I said.

My hands slid up the back of her shirt and I groaned into her mouth as soon as I felt her smooth, warm skin. I’d missed touching her so much. Being around her all these weeks and not being able to touch her was pure torture. She leaned her body into mine and forced me to walk backwards until my back slammed into the closed door, our kiss never breaking. Her palms slid down my chest until her hands found their way under the hem of my shirt and I shivered when I felt them against the skin of my stomach. I let go of her and grabbed onto her face with both of my hands, pulling her mouth away from mine so I could see her eyes.

“Does this mean you’re going to start talking to me again?” I whispered against her lips.

“This means I forgive you, but you’re still an asshole for thinking I wouldn’t understand how important your job is to you,” she told me in irritation. “I spent most of my life being told what to do and how to live, how could you ever think I would do that to you?”

I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. “I know you would never try to change me, but how can you possibly be happy with a man who never knows when he’ll have to leave? I can get a call in the middle of the night and be in another country by lunch time.”

She pulled back and put her own hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look at her. “It’s what you do. It’s your job and it means everything to you. I know Emma and I do too, but it’s different and I get it. We’ll take any part of you we can, don’t you understand that? I’m not saying it won’t suck sometimes, but we’ve been through worse. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re some pretty kick ass women and I think we’ll manage just fine on our own every once in a while. As long as you promise to come back to us.”

Crashing my lips to hers, I pour everything I have into the kiss, letting her know that her words mean more to me than she’ll ever know.

“I love you, Austin,” she whispered against my lips. “But if you ever do something stupid like that and walk away again, I will kick your ass.”

I laughed as I pulled her against me, knowing I would do whatever it took to avoid pissing her off ever again.

With Gwen’s legs still wrapped firmly around mine, I walk us over to the couch and sit down with her on my lap, straddling my legs.

Brady decided when Layla’s tour was over a month ago that he was going to move out of his apartment and in with her. It only took a little bit of begging to convince Gwen to move her and Emma into my rental house until I could find something more permanent for us. Everything I’ve ever wanted is here under this roof and I’m never going to fuck that up again.

“Welcome home, Lieutenant,” she tells me with a smile as she runs her fingers through my hair.

I smile back at her when she uses my new title. Even though Captain Risner wasn’t too happy about my decision to skip the mission in Kuwait, he granted my time off and surprisingly still gave me the promotion when I finally went back to work. I found out Cole was reinstated when the mess with Ellie was happening and I’m pretty sure he had a hand in convincing our Captain that even though I have a family now, I could still do the job better than anyone.

Just the idea that I have a family makes my heart skip a beat as I stare up at Gwen’s face.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you decorate the tree, but at least I made it home in time for Christmas,” I tell her, sliding my hands up her bare thighs and swallowing thickly when I get to her ass and realize she’s not wearing any underwear.

“Lucky for you, I didn’t put the Barbie Dream House together yet. It’s all yours, baby.”

She lets out a gasp when my hand moves between her legs and my fingers slide through her sex.

“Lucky for Emma, I brought home a bunch of G.I. Joe guys to fill up the fucking Barbie Dream House,” I tell her as I slowly push one of my fingers inside of her.

She lets out a moan and grinds herself against my hand, reaching between us to quickly undo my pants and wrap her hand around my dick that has been hard as a rock soon as I saw her standing in the doorway of the living room.

Lifting up her hips, I pull my hand out from between her legs as she guides my cock to her entrance and slowly pushes herself down on me until she’s seated fully on me and we both groan.

“I can’t believe you’ve worn me down and I let you buy her army men,” Gwen mutters as I grab onto her hips and move her up and down my length.

“Darlin’, my rental house is filled with Barbies and pink shit, I’m pretty sure you’re the one that’s worn me down,” I inform her as I thrust my hips up and pump myself in and out of her at a faster pace.

Her hands clench tightly into my hair and she whimpers against my mouth as she slams down on top of me until we’re both sweaty and gasping.

“Fuck it, let’s just call it a tie,” she mumbles before letting out a breathy moan as her orgasm quickly rushes through her and I feel her tighten around me.

I never thought anything would be more exciting than going on missions. As I feel Gwen come apart and listen to her say my name over and over, I realize just how wrong I was. Half of my life is filled with combat, training, gathering intelligence and firing tactical weapons and the other half is filled with love, mind-blowing sex, Disney movies and Barbie Dream Houses.

Gwen’s right, we can definitely call it a tie.

“Deal,” I groan as I come inside of her and she swallows my cries of pleasure with her mouth.

The End

Coming Summer 2014 – Closer to the Edge, the fourth and final book in the Playing With Fire series!

Sign up for my newsletter today!

Acknowledgements

Thank you as always to Tiffany King for being an amazing friend and for answering my text messages at all hours of the day. Thank you so much for reading the rough draft and holding my hand as I wrote it!

A HUGE thank you to Nikki Rushbrook for being the most amazing beta reader I have ever had. Your suggestions and your help made this book so much more than it ever started out to be and I am so grateful for everything you did.

Thank you to the amazing ladies at Rock Star PR. My life is still insane but you’ve made it manageable. Thank you for putting up with a thousand texts a day and my crazy brain. I love you!

Last but not least, thank you so much to the fans for your love and support. I am amazed every day that this is my life and I get to tell stories for a living. Thank you for letting me take you on a journey and for believing in me.

Content

Worn Me Down
Playing with Fire - 3
by
Tara Sivec

Prologue

Chapter 1 Austin

Chapter 2 Gwen

Chapter 3 Austin

Chapter 4 Gwen

Chapter 5 Austin

Chapter 6 Gwen

Chapter 7 Austin

Chapter 8 Gwen

Chapter 9 Austin

Chapter 10 Gwen

Chapter 11 Austin

Chapter 12 Gwen

Chapter 13 Austin

Chapter 14 Gwen

Chapter 15 Austin

Chapter 16 Gwen

Chapter 17 Austin

Chapter 18 Gwen

Chapter 19 Austin

Chapter 20 Gwen

Chapter 21 Austin

Chapter 22 Gwen

Chapter 23 Austin

Chapter 24 Gwen

Chapter 25 Austin

Chapter 26 Gwen

Chapter 27 Austin

Chapter 28 Gwen

Chapter 29 Austin

Chapter 30 Gwen

Chapter 31 Austin

Chapter 32 Gwen

Chapter 33 Austin

Epilogue Austin

Acknowledgements