Tie Me

One Night with Sole Regret 5

by

Olivia Cunning

Chapter One

The night washed over Kellen, wrapping him in a cocoon of nothingness. The occasional flashes of yellow in the distant clouds would soon be overhead, and he’d have to go inside. Although a powerful storm brewed over the Gulf of Mexico, he wasn’t ready to face that empty house. He’d just stay on the beach until resolve proved stronger than dread.

As the flickers above the horizon intensified, the wind picked up, whipping his long hair around his neck and face. He stared out at the endless water, fighting shivers as the damp bite of the salty sea air drew warmth from his body. His skin had become numb. He wished the Gulf breeze could numb the raw ache deep in his chest. Would the feeling that part of him was missing ever leave or was he destined to feel empty for the rest of his life? Sara’s loss was still as tangible to him as it had been five years ago when he’d stared at that fucking heart rate monitor, holding his breath, waiting for just one more blip. Just one more.

Just one more, Sara. I’ll do anything.

It had never come.

All the hope in the world—all the love he had to give—hadn’t amounted to anything in the end.

Beneath the angry clouds, the water looked like shifting obsidian—shiny, black glass with peaks and valleys. Random curves of white froth approached the damp sand at Kellen’s feet and then receded, a ceaseless pattern of surge and withdrawal. The surf toyed with him—slowly retreating as the tide went out. Waves churned beneath the power of the storm, sometimes washing over his bare feet and drawing the sand from beneath his soles, but those waves never claimed him. Never pulled him under. Kellen stepped forward, following the slowly ebbing water, knowing eventually the sea would push him back toward the shore as the tide returned. There was little a man could count on in life, but he could count on the tides. And Kellen could count on memories of Sara haunting him.

He glanced over his shoulder at the dark house behind him. It was painted a sunny yellow, but at night it looked gray. Cheerless. Not like the happy place he’d shared with her before she’d gotten sick.

Oh, look at this house, Kellen, Sara’s cheerful voice echoed through his memory. Wouldn’t it be fun to rent it for a week and pretend it’s ours? I’ve never seen the ocean. I want to see it for the first time with you.

Kellen had peered at the computer screen over Sara’s shoulder. She’d flipped through pictures of an enormous, sunny yellow vacation rental with open, airy rooms, inviting furnishings, and sprawling decks with beach views.

You want to go see the ocean, honey. We go, he’d said. How much is it?

She’d clicked on a reservation link and both their jaws had dropped when the weekly rental rate had been displayed. She’d closed the laptop and looked up at him, her big blue eyes drawing him in. Like a riptide, they’d always pulled him under.

I don’t need that, she’d said. I have you. And she’d kissed him the way only Sara could kiss. A kiss that stirred his body into a heated frenzy. A kiss that touched his heart and soul. Her kiss had always turned him inside out. That’s what love did to him. That’s why Kellen needed it and at the same time never wanted to find it again.

So Kellen had done what any fool in love with his perfect girl would do. He’d hocked his most prized possession—his late grandfather’s vintage Les Paul guitar—and surprised Sara with a week in her dream house. She hadn’t made him feel bad about giving up his guitar. She turned the sacrifice of his most cherished belonging into a week of his most cherished memories. The delight on her face as she’d stood in front of that obnoxiously large vacation rental with her hands clutched before her chest had been worth any cost.

I love you more than all the water in the ocean. All the grains of sand on the beaches. All the stars in the sky, she’d said as she’d flung herself into his waiting arms.

That’s a lot of love, he’d said, burying his nose in her sweet-smelling hair and taking a moment to just feel her. She was his everything. She would be his forever. He didn’t doubt it for an instant.

I love you more than that, Kellen. So much more.

Me too, honey.

Kellen swallowed hard and closed his eyes against the echoes of the past.

Memories of Sara continually tormented Kellen. They ripped his fucking heart out. Regardless, he sought things that reminded him of her. Losing her body and soul had been difficult enough. Losing those memories? He couldn’t take that too. He needed reminders of her. Constant reminders. That’s why, even though she was gone, he’d bought that huge fucking house on the Galveston shore as soon as he could afford it. Money had become a non-issue after Sole Regret’s second album had gone platinum and they sold out concert after concert on their first headlining tour. What would Sara think of his success? Would she be proud? Jealous? She’d never understood his need to make music.

He’d have given up every penny, every cheer, every fan for one more moment with her.

That empty house was why he was here, standing on the beach. He had no business being here. He should be on the tour bus with his band and on his way to Beaumont for their show tomorrow, but he hadn’t been able to stay away. Not when the band played in Houston. Not when he was so close to the place that had made Sara happy for a week in her short life. He wanted those joyous memories close. They were right on the other side of the sand dune behind him. In that house. That dark, empty dream house that had become another nightmare.

Now that he’d arrived, he couldn’t force himself to go inside. He couldn’t stand sipping a beer on the deck without her beside him. He couldn’t stand knowing that when he climbed into bed, her pillow would be empty. He couldn’t touch her, couldn’t listen to her breathe. He could only lie there, staring up at the whirling ceiling fan trying to remember what they’d had for breakfast that first morning and the way the sun had danced through the golden highlights in her hair as she’d watched the sandpipers skitter through the surf. He could almost hear her laughing. Almost see her spinning in the warm breeze with her arms extended. Almost feel the water splatter against his legs as she kicked at the waves. She’d been so alive that day. So fucking alive. In his memory, she would always be alive.

And that was something he would never give up.

Owen had tried to convince him not to visit the house tonight. Owen’s reasoning had been right—being here didn’t help. It hurt. But Kellen couldn’t stay away. And even though he knew it would be for the best, he just couldn’t let Sara go.

It had been five years since Sara had slipped away from him. Five long years that Kellen should have been healing and learning to move on. Five fucking years of misery.

He’d hit rock bottom the day she’d been buried, and he’d thought that would be the worst of it. But he was below that now. What’s below rock bottom?

“Hell,” he whispered to the wind.

Why did you die on me, Sara? I need you beside me. Didn’t I fucking tell you that enough?

Kellen wrapped his hand around the leather cuff on his left wrist. To him, it signified a lasting connection with the woman he still loved. The one time Kellen had thought he might let Sara go and move forward, Owen had given him this cuff, a Christmas gift. Its significance hadn’t been a huge deal, but it was a sign—one that had insisted Kellen must remain attached to Sara for a while longer. His feelings hadn’t ended when her life had. That wasn’t how love worked. People who hadn’t lost the love of their life didn’t understand that. Owen, God love him, didn’t understand that. He thought a man was supposed to move on when his soulmate died. Find some sort of replacement. Kellen didn’t want to move on. He didn’t want a replacement. He just wanted Sara back.

He wanted the impossible.

And he wanted Owen to stop staring at his cherished bracelet as if it were possessed with evil. Kellen wished Owen would just let him wallow in grief and stop pressuring him to move forward. But maybe if Kellen pretended, the recent tension between him and his best friend might lessen. His determination to remove Sara’s cuff tonight wasn’t for his own sake. It was for Owen’s. He could do this for Owen. The widening rift between them was tearing Kellen apart. That woman Owen had met the night before—Caitlyn—had opened Kellen’s eyes to a brutal reality. Kellen’s weird head space—his inability to forge new intimate connections—was pushing Owen away from him. And he couldn’t lose Owen too. He had no one else, no one that he’d allowed close to him. No one else he trusted. No one else who’d put up with all the weird shit he’d been going through.

Kellen took a deep breath and tugged one of the cuff’s straps free of its buckle fastening.

I won’t forget you, Sara. I meant it when I said forever. I’m so sorry, honey. I just can’t… I can’t center my life around you anymore. But I won’t forget. I’ll never forget.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and unfastened the second strap. The cuff fell into his right hand. His bare wrist felt foreign. Exposed. Inside he felt empty. So empty. Before he changed his mind, he flung the cuff into the sea.

You shouldn’t litter, asshole. Kellen snorted as the first words Sara had ever said to him rang through his memory. He hadn’t been paying attention when he’d thrown his empty water bottle on the ground instead of into the recycling bin at which he’d been aiming. She’d picked up the offending piece of trash, marched up to him, and jabbed the end of the bottle into his chest. He’d stared at her, his mouth hanging open, at a complete loss for words. He’d known in that moment that he’d found his everything. Before those eternal seconds that marked their first meeting, he hadn’t believed in love, and certainly not in love at first sight, but he knew the instant his gaze touched upon Sara’s innocent face that they were meant to be. She was of a different opinion. There was no love in her eyes when she’d asked, Just how many planets do you think we have?

Millions, he’d said. Trillions.

The corner of her mouth had twitched, just a little, and a bit of the fire had receded from her big blue eyes. For a second, he’d thought she found him funny.

Well, feel free to go live on one of them. I happen to be partial to the one I’m standing on.

Her long, light brown ponytail had slapped him in the arm when she’d whirled around and stomped to the recycling bin. She’d slammed the bottle into the big blue container and gone to rejoin her friends in the environment club. They’d embraced her as if she’d singlehandedly saved the planet by telling off the cool guy who’d missed the recycling bin.

Didn’t matter. Kellen was hooked. He’d signed up to join her little tree-hugging group the next day, and he hadn’t even been enrolled in her college. He hadn’t let trivialities like rules stand in his way when he wanted something. And he’d wanted her. He still wanted her.

“I think leather is biodegradable,” he said now, knowing she wouldn’t approve of him throwing junk into the water. It just felt like a fitting burial for the thing, giving Sara to the sea she’d loved so briefly. He knew she’d wanted to spend more time there before she’d passed. Knew he was responsible for not fulfilling that want because he’d been terrified of letting her leave the hospital. He hoped there was an ocean in the afterlife and that she was always dancing in the waves.

Kellen rubbed his bare wrist, trying to work the feel of the confining leather from his skin. As with her memory, he couldn’t seem to lessen its effect by simple effort. After a moment of kneading his wrist, something bumped into his bare foot. He looked down and caught the reflection of two metal buckles in the sand.

“Back so soon?” he said and released a sigh. He bent and retrieved the bracelet, stuffing it into the front pocket of his jeans. A circle of wetness blossomed over his hip. He’d carry the cuff a while longer, but he silently swore that he wouldn’t put it back on his wrist. That wasn’t going back on his promise that he would remove it tonight. Not exactly. He had removed it. Yet while it wasn’t on his wrist, he was still very conscious of its presence in his wet pocket.

The soft tinkle of piano music competed with the roaring waves. Kellen glanced behind him, seeking the source of the sound. Most of the houses along the deserted Gulf beach were dark, but a soft yellow glow lit an open window in the house next to his. The southwestern end of Galveston Island was far removed from the tourist attractions of the city. Down here, late at night, one could pretend to be the only person for miles. Yet he didn’t mind the intrusion of the poignant melody. In fact, he was pretty sure he needed something unexpected to draw him back to the present.

A strong gust of wind slapped his hair against his face. Thunder rumbled overhead.

The piano melody built—an inspiring crescendo—soaring higher. Higher. Drawing him out of the darkness. Clearing his thoughts. Freeing his heart. Washing him with elation. If only for a few seconds.

The string of notes ceased suddenly. A loud blam on the keys ended the piece.

A moment later, an angry rendition of “Chopsticks” drifted from the open window and drew a smile to Kellen’s lips.

A bolt of lightning split the darkness, followed by a loud crash of thunder. Kellen squinted as the rain began to fall in fat droplets. He was instantly soaked, water coursing over his face and bare chest. His hair stuck to his neck in thick chunks, but he didn’t run for shelter. The melody had started again. He didn’t realize he’d approached the neighboring house until he found himself standing beneath the open window, which was shielded from the deluge by a wide, overhead deck. Again the melody built. He held his breath, waiting for the next note. One more beyond the first time he’d heard the amazing piece of music. Just one more note. One more.

Blam!

“Argh!” he heard a woman’s frustrated cry right before another bolt of lightning flashed and a rumble of thunder snapped him back to his senses. He turned his gaze to his beach house next door, trying to muster the courage to go inside and out of the rain. Without Sara.

“Nice night for a walk,” a voice called down to him. The woman’s words were muffled by the downpour and the churning surf. He looked up and saw her standing against the deck railing. He couldn’t make out her features, as the light was at her back, but he could make out her curves when the wind blew her flowing white dress against her body.

A familiar and unwelcome heat stirred low in his belly.

It had been a long time since he’d been with a woman. Too damned long. And it was going to be a damned while longer if Sara’s memory had a say in the matter.

Chapter Two

The last thing Dawn had expected to see on the beach behind her rented vacation house was a soaking wet, shirtless hunk. She was too surprised to feel threatened by his presence. Had Neptune—lord of the sea—washed up on the shore? With that hard body and water dripping from every inch of his taut skin, the tall, muscular man sure resembled an immortal god.

“Are you lost?” she yelled.

Really, Dawn? The sea gifts you with this gorgeous, tail-less merman and you ask him if he’s lost? Of course he was lost. Why else would he be standing half-naked on the beach during a thunderstorm? She doubted he was rescuing sea turtles.

He shook his head. “No,” he shouted up at her. “I live next door. I was just enjoying the”—with an outstretched hand, he indicated the churning sea behind him—“view.”

“Normally, I’d believe you, but the view is a little violent at the moment,” she yelled back.

Thunder crashed overhead, and the wind blew cold rain against her. She stepped back from the railing. The storms here didn’t mess around. Palm fronds slapped against tree trunks, rattling like a nest of angry snakes. The surf slammed into the beach with increasing retaliation as the storm advanced ashore.

The man cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, “Was that you pla—”

Lightning broke the darkness, announcing another rumble of thunder. Dawn could see the man’s lips were still moving, but the wind robbed her ears of his words.

“What?” she yelled.

“That melody I hear—”

She shook her head and pointed to her ear. “I can’t hear what you’re saying!”

He scowled and glanced around before turning and running for the wooden walkway that had been built over the sand dunes. Soon she couldn’t see him at all and wondered if she’d imagined him. At least he’d found the sense to get out of the rain, even if it was rude for him to dash off without so much as a see ya.

Dawn shrugged and went back in the house. Perhaps that little interruption would wake up her muse. The lazy twit wasn’t cooperating with her at all tonight, and Dawn had a deadline to meet. She had to find the rest of this song by morning or she was in deep, professional trouble.

She flexed her aching fingers and had just sat down at the piano when the doorbell rang.

Had Neptune come calling? Her heart rate kicked up. She was here in this strange house by herself, and she was pretty sure the nearest cop was ten miles away. What if that soaking wet hottie was a psycho? He had to be a little crazy to be standing out in a storm in the middle of the night, didn’t he? That was the curse of having an overactive imagination. It served her well in her song writing, but damned if it wasn’t a burden whenever something a little out of the norm came her way.

She hesitated for just a moment and then went to the door, drawing the shade up so she could look through the glass pane. The shadow of a broad-shouldered figure loomed outside. She switched on the porch light. Yep, there standing on her deck, dripping water and looking sexier than any drowned beast had a right to look, was her Neptune.

“Can I help you?” she yelled through the door. She wasn’t about to unlock it. She’d seen a lot of horror movies in her day, and she knew what happened to women alone on dark, stormy nights who were stupid enough to open doors to strangers. Real killers didn’t warn you of their intentions by wearing frightening masks and revving a chainsaw on your doorstep as they asked for entry.

“I’m sorry,” the man said, his voice muffled by the glass door. “I hope I didn’t scare you. I just wanted to know the name of the song you were playing when the storm hit. I won’t trouble you further.”

“The song I was playing?”

“Yeah. It really spoke to me. I was hoping you could tell me what it’s called so I can look it up.” A particularly loud crash of thunder caused him to flinch. “This is stupid. I’ll go. Sorry for bothering you.”

He took a step back, his gaze trained on the staircase that led to the ground. Like all houses along the shore, the rental was perched high on thick wooden stilts to keep it above the flood zone. Dawn reached for the lock. She no longer cared that he might be a little crazy. He’d complimented one of her songs at a time when she was feeling pretty down about her talent. She tore open the door and stepped out on the damp deck. Her feet found a puddle Neptune had left behind, and she curled her toes to avoid the cold.

“I’d tell you what the song’s called, but I haven’t named it yet,” she said.

He paused at the top of the steps and turned. He’d been gorgeous at a distance in the dark, but up close and in the light, he stole her breath. Strong, rugged features—so masculine, it should be a crime—surrounded captivating dark eyes that captured her gaze and refused to allow her to look away.

“You haven’t named it?” His voice was deep and as smooth as silk. It played on her nerve endings like a bow drawing magic from a violin.

“I haven’t named it because I haven’t finished it. Do you really like it?” she asked. “I was about to scrap it and start over.”

“Don’t do that,” he said. “It’s amazing. You composed it?”

“I’m trying to. It just isn’t cooperating with me.”

The lights flickered as another bolt of lightning snaked from the clouds to the ground. Dawn glanced at the open front door with longing. Neptune might not mind being caught in the storm, but she wasn’t so hardy. The skirt of her dress whipped around her legs in the gusting wind. She hugged her arms around her body for warmth and started to creep back toward the threshold.

“Sorry for taking up your time,” he said. “I’ll just go… home.”

Something about the way he said home made her heart twist.

“Do you want to come in for a cup of coffee?” she asked accidentally. Sometimes her impulsive mouth said stuff she immediately regretted. She wasn’t sure if she regretted this particular outburst or not. Maybe if he accepted, she’d wish she’d gone mute. But if he refused, she knew she’d be bummed.

He bit his lip and stared at her with the darkest eyes she’d ever seen. She could drown in those eyes and wouldn’t even fight sure death.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

She hesitated as they stared each other down. “Turn around first.”

He lifted a slim, black eyebrow at her, but turned slowly, arms extended at his sides, to show her his back (and perfect ass). An amazing tattoo covered the left side of his back and shoulder. The black-and-gray-toned rearing stallion looked so realistic, she half expected it to kick her with one of its flailing hooves. Even the feathers braided into the horse’s mane seemed to be dancing on the breeze.

When he’d completed a three-sixty and his eyes met hers again, she said, “I was just making sure you aren’t hiding a giant ax back there.” She didn’t mention she’d enjoyed his gorgeous ass, muscular back, and the magnificent tattoo decorating the expanse of smooth, bronze skin while checking for deadly weapons. She might be a lot of things, but tacky wasn’t one of them.

“I assure you,” he said, “I’m not an ax murderer. Or any kind of violent criminal.”

“Yeah? That’s what all the soaking wet, ax-wielding, violent criminals say.”

A corner of his sensual mouth turned up, and he traced one eyebrow with a fingertip. “I can only imagine what you must think of me, standing outside your house in a storm. I swear it was your pretty song that drew me to your window.” His smile widened, softening his strong features, and every shred of Dawn’s apprehension vanished. “What kind of soaking wet, ax-wielding, violent criminal would admit to that?”

She offered him a return smile and stepped into the house. “Come in. You must be freezing.”

“Thank you for your concern, but I’m okay. The cold doesn’t bother me.”

“Then you must not be from around here,” she said. She’d only been in Texas for a few months and had already acclimated to the warm climate. Sixty degrees felt cold to her these days.

“Not from Galveston, no. I’m from just outside Austin—born and raised.”

“Then you must be naturally hot-blooded.”

Her Neptune chuckled. “Maybe a little.”

He entered the house and stepped to the side while she closed the door. Water dripped from his body and left quite a puddle on the tile floor.

“Stay there,” she said. “I’ll grab a towel.”

“I don’t usually make such an ass of myself,” he said, and then chuckled. “I leave that to Owen.”

“Owen?” she called as she hurried toward the hall closet, which held a stock of beach towels.

“Friend of mine.”

“Is he a god too?”

“A god?”

“You’re Neptune, right?” she asked. “Lord of the sea who washed up on the beach during the storm? Do you perform miracles? Because I could use a couple of them tonight.”

He laughed again and took a towel from her to dry his straight, black hair. It was a bit longer than shoulder length and dripping water down the hard contours of his chest and belly. Dawn dropped a second towel on the floor to collect his puddle and forced herself not to gawk at his body.

“Sorry to disappoint you—I’m not a god. Just a man who sometimes loses his way.”

“I’m trying to get you to reveal your name without asking directly,” she said to his thighs as she squatted to collect more water.

“I seem to have misplaced my manners,” he said, drying his chest and arms. “I’m Kellen Jamison. And you are?”

“Dawn O’Reilly.” She slowly rose to stand straight and found that even though at almost six feet she towered over many guys, Kellen still had a couple inches on her.

“Your name sounds familiar.” Gnawing on his fingertip, he examined her face thoroughly.

“I’m sure there are plenty of people who share my name.”

His eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers. “But not any other Grammy-winning composers. You wrote the music that won for best movie theme song last year. Am I right?”

She flushed. He knew who she was? No one knew who she was. Well, a few people knew who she was, but composers didn’t have fans. Pop stars had fans.

“It was actually the award for Best Instrumental Composition, but yeah, one of my works happens to accompany the rolling credits of a certain blockbuster movie. How do you know who I am?” Her suspicions were coming to a head again. Maybe he was one of those creepy stalkers who saw someone on TV and trailed them to the ends of the earth. Except no one knew she was here but her family, closest friends, and her agent. It wasn’t public knowledge that she’d rented this beach house for a couple of months, hoping to spark her creativity. After her Grammy, several producers had contacted her to write music for them and like the star-struck novice that she was, she’d accepted every job that had come her way. Big mistake. Huge! Apparently her creativity was completely quashed by any sort of pressure or expectation.

“I saw you accept your award,” Kellen said. “I don’t remember your speech, but I remember your beautiful hair.”

She touched a hand to her waist-length red curls. They were all sorts of frizzy due to the humidity in the air, but on Grammy night, the hairdresser had managed to make the loose curls smooth and elegant. “You saw me on TV?” She was pretty sure everyone in America had taken a bathroom break when she’d started thanking every person she’d ever met and even a few she hadn’t.

He laughed. “I was in the audience.”

She took a step backward. This was too freaky. “Are you stalking me?”

He paused and draped the towel around his shoulders, dropping his arms to his sides in a non-threatening stance. “Am I frightening you again? Dawn, you really don’t have anything to worry about from me. I was there because my band was nominated for Best New Artist.”

His band? Well, with all those tattoos and the leather cuff on his right wrist, he did look the part. “Did you win?”

“Nope. Some rapper won—Jizzy Wizzy Def Jam Grill Face.” He made a fake gang sign and grinned wide to show off his grill—a set of straight, white teeth. “Or something like that.”

She laughed, her defenses dropping again. “Wow, small world. What a bizarre coincidence to meet like this.”

“I don’t believe in coincidences,” he said.

His intensity caused her heart to falter and butterflies to flitter through her stomach. “What do you believe in, Kellen?”

His dark brown gaze held hers for several poignant seconds. “Destiny.”

The charge in the air between them had nothing to do with the electrical storm raging outside. She covered her pounding heart with her fist, wondering why she felt suddenly awake. She’d tossed open a window for air so she didn’t fall asleep as she prepared for another unproductive all-nighter. When that hadn’t perked her up enough to get the music flowing, she’d stepped out on the deck. Then she’d seen Kellen looking all wet and wild, and there was no way she’d be nodding off over the keys for the rest of the night. In his presence, she felt that she could run marathons and wrestle sharks. And maybe write a song.

“Can I hear your composition?” he asked. “Well, what you have written so far.”

She glanced at the baby grand piano in the family room to her right. Sheets of score paper littered the floor and the piano bench. Unfortunately, most of the paper was blank or had only a few music notes scattered across the top few staffs. Crumpled wads of paper overflowed from her wastepaper basket. False start after false start. It frustrated her that music didn’t come easily to her these days. Before her Grammy, piano compositions poured from her like the rain gushing from the angry clouds outside the window. Now? Writing music was like trying to wring water from a dry sponge.

She was so afraid to fail that it suffocated her.

“I…” She licked her lips, suddenly nervous. It was one thing for a complete novice to want to hear her unpublished work and a completely different animal that a Grammy-nominated musician wanted to hear it. It was true that as soon as she created a piece of music, it was copyrighted by law, but ownership was hard to prove.

“Let’s have a cup of coffee first,” she said. “I need a little break.”

His features tightened with disappointment, but he nodded.

“Decaf?” she asked and turned toward the kitchen, which was beyond the large family room. The house’s open floor plan made it easy for the piano to mock her if she let it sit silent too long. Maybe that’s why she spent so much time walking the beaches. “It’s pretty late for caffeine.”

“I probably won’t sleep tonight anyway,” he said.

“Is that why you were standing out on the beach when the storm hit? Insomnia?”

“Something like that,” he said.

She wondered if he was being mysterious on purpose or if it came naturally to him. She opened a cabinet and pulled out a canister of coffee. “If I’m up all night on a caffeine high, you have to stay and keep me company.”

He shoulders sagged with relief. “I can do that.”

“And since you’re a musician, maybe you can help me with my writer’s block.”

He smiled, and the temperature in the room must have increased twenty degrees because even though she kept the thermostat at a cool seventy-two, Dawn was suddenly sweltering.

“I’d be happy to help,” he said in that low, smooth voice that did distracting things to her girly bits. “Or try to. Were you B.O.I?”

“B-O-I?”

“Born on Island? I guess not, if you don’t know the meaning.”

She shook her head. “Just renting for the summer. I came here to get away from the chaos of the city and to seek inspiration.” Or hide. She was totally trying to hide from impending failure. Unfortunately, it had followed her to Galveston.

“You find inspiration on the shore?”

“The voice of the sea speaks to the soul,” she said, trying not to be obvious about checking out his flexing biceps as he dried his face and she filled the coffee carafe in the sink. “Chopin said that.” When he didn’t respond, she added, “The wildly talented nineteenth-century Polish composer and pianist.”

“Yes, I know who Chopin is. I might be a metal guitarist, but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect the classics.”

A metal guitarist? She and Kellen were about as far apart on the musical spectrum as possible. There was no way in hell he’d be able to help her with her writer’s block. She wrote classical compositions, not wailing noise. “Oh,” she said. “Well, I’m a huge fan. Of Chopin’s. His nocturnes.” She shuddered in bliss at the thought of his stirring piano pieces.

Kellen chuckled. “So you’re not impressed by my fiddling with guitar strings, I take it?”

“I’m sure I’d be very impressed, but I do sort of have a thing for the piano.”

Once Dawn had the coffee percolating, she turned toward Kellen. He looked incredibly uncomfortable in those sopping wet jeans.

“You should get out of those clothes,” she said.

A crooked grin graced his handsome features. “Are you coming on to me, Miss O’Reilly? It is Miss O’Reilly, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s Miss O’Reilly, but no, I wasn’t coming on to you.” Though she probably should have been. “You just look wet. I can find you something to wear.”

His gaze settled on the flowing white skirt of her loose dress, and he chuckled. “I suppose the jokes I make about wearing skirts have finally caught up with me.”

“You wear skirts?” It went against the laws of nature for a man as unquestionably virile as Kellen Jamison to wear a skirt. A kilt was an entirely different matter, of course. She could see him in a kilt. She had Scottish blood in her heritage but Kellen appeared to be of Native American ancestry, and she’d much rather see him in a pair of buckskin breeches. Or skintight leather. Leather would work.

“Not really. It’s a lame joke I share with one of my bandmates when we’re on stage.”

“Owen?”

His jaw dropped. “How did you know?”

“It’s the only name you’ve mentioned.”

“Right.”

“I have some boxer shorts you can borrow.” She couldn’t take her eyes off his wet jeans. His crotch specifically. What was wrong with her? She was offending herself with her lewd behavior. Maybe getting him out of those wet clothes would get her mind out of his pants.

“Are they yours?”

She nodded, still staring south. “I usually sleep in them.”

“You wear men’s underwear and you criticize me for wearing skirts?”

She glanced up to meet his eyes. “In case you haven’t been paying attention, there is a bit of a double standard in this country.”

“And sometimes there’s a good reason for that. I’d look like a complete tool in a skirt, but you’d look sexy in men’s clothes. A pair of boxers and nothing else.” His gaze rested on her chest, and she resisted the urge to cross her arms over her breasts. “Or in a man’s long-sleeve dress shirt and… nothing else.” His stare shifted to her legs, which were complete covered by her maxi skirt, but felt hopelessly bare. And suddenly hot. Why were her legs hot? Feeling foolish, she fanned them with her skirt.

“Are you picturing me naked?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Only half-naked.”

She nibbled on her lip and allowed herself to gawk at him without pretending she wasn’t. “I don’t have to picture you half-naked. You already are.”

“Sorry to spoil your fun.” His gaze flicked up to meet hers, and her breath caught. “You could always picture the other half of me naked.”

She grinned, her gaze dropping to his jeans. “I already am.” It felt good to flirt. She’d had little time for men recently but looming deadline or not, she was willing to make a little time for this one.

Kellen cleared his throat and stared at the floor. “I will take you up on those boxers,” he said. “I’m a bit chilled and dealing with some shrinkage issues down below. I wouldn’t want to disappoint your imagination.”

“My imagination is definitely not disappointed.” If he lost those jeans, she was certain her reality wouldn’t be disappointed either.

She fanned her face with one hand. Damn, what was wrong with the air conditioning in this house?

“I’ll be right back,” she said and dashed upstairs to the master bedroom to find him a pair of shorts. She riffled through a drawer and took out the manliest-looking pair of plaid boxers she owned—she did have an unusual fondness for plaid—and returned to the kitchen to find Kellen gazing into space. His knockout smile had vanished, replaced with a forlorn daze. He was fiddling with something in the front pocket of his jeans, and she was pretty sure he wasn’t trying to remedy his shrinkage issues.

“I hope they fit,” she said. Actually, she hoped they were skintight and aided her imagination.

He jerked his head and settled his gaze on her. His smile returned.

“Thanks,” he said, accepting the thin pair of shorts she held in his direction.

“There are towels in the cabinet over the toilet,” she said and nodded toward the half bathroom next to the stairs.

“Thanks,” he said again and hurried to the bathroom. Her appreciative gaze settled on his muscular back as he walked away. She did have a thing for a sexy male back and they didn’t get much sexier than Kellen’s. Would he let her caress the lines of that tattoo? Maybe he would if she found the courage to make a move on him instead of staring after him as he disappeared into the bathroom.

That was a big if.

“You’re too much of a chicken to make the first move,” she chastised herself under her breath. But she hoped he wasn’t.

Chapter Three

Kellen entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him. What the fuck was he doing flirting with a woman he’d just met, promising his libido something he had no intension of delivering? He’d let his guard down with this one. He couldn’t let it happen again.

He caught his reflection in the mirror over the sink and winced. Lord, no wonder Dawn had thought he was up to no good when she’d seen him on the beach. He looked like some pirate who jumped ship and swam ashore to avoid punishment for stealing the booty.

He had no plans to take any booty tonight, even if Dawn placed hers directly into his hands. And if he kept coming on to her the way he had been since she invited him into the house, he was pretty sure she would be prepared to do exactly that.

He struggled out of his wet jeans, leaving another puddle on Dawn’s floor, and found a towel to dry his hair, legs, and the rest of his body, taking note of a certain stiffness he was not prepared to deal with. Apparently he’d been lying about his shrinkage issue. How was he going to pull off a pair of thin boxer shorts with a semi?

He tugged the boxers up his thighs and hips, then peered down at his crotch and groaned at the spectacle he was making of himself.

“Down, boy,” he said and tucked his far too sensitive cock down the leg of the shorts. “I know she’s hot, but you can’t have her.”

He pressed on the obvious bulge in his shorts. Her shorts, he reminded himself. Did she wear panties under them or had these recently been against her bare flesh? What did the hidden treasure between her thighs smell like? Taste like? His mouth watered, and he swallowed before giving himself a mental shake.

Snap out of it, stupid.

Great. Now his bulge was a full-blown, burgundy-and-blue-plaid tent.

Shit.

Maybe he should put his jeans back on and tell her the boxers were too small. They were definitely form-fitting, and his condition made them downright uncomfortable. Or maybe he should jerk one out real quick so he could think about something other than fucking a sensual redhead into a coma. Or maybe he should wrap Sara’s wrist cuff around his misbehaving cock as a reminder that when he’d committed to her, he’d promised to never have sex with another woman. Ever. Or maybe his big head should remind his smaller head who was in charge here.

Who was in charge here?

Kellen settled for imagining the pair of drunk girls who’d been trying to get him into bed the night before. It took a minute, but his remembered disinterest did the trick on his libido. Mostly. It was only after he had his wayward cock somewhat under control that he realized the borrowed shorts didn’t have a pocket to hold his recently removed wrist cuff.

Double shit.

He retrieved the leather band from his jeans and stared down at it. The urge to return it to his wrist overwhelmed him. He still had a cuff on his other wrist, but it wasn’t a reminder of Sara, so it didn’t count. He’d bought that one at the mall when he was sixteen and thought it made him cool. It held no emotional significance, was just an ordinary scrap of leather. But the one he’d removed earlier possessed the ability to yank his head out of the clouds and return his feet firmly to the ground.

He hoped.

Perhaps the best thing to do was leave Dawn’s house as soon as possible. Why’d he come here anyway?

Dawn’s song. The melody played through his head, and he smiled. That song possessed a power all its own.

He wanted to hear it again. Wanted to watch her play it for him. For as jumbled and confused as Kellen’s thoughts were now, her song had given him a moment of peace and clarity. Even if it was a temporary condition, he wanted those feelings again. He needed them. Even more than he needed Sara’s reminder on his wrist.

“Coffee’s ready,” Dawn called. “How do you take it?”

Jeez, the bathroom door was thin.

Triple shit.

Had she heard him talking to himself about her hotness?

“Black!” he called, glad he’d decided against jerking one out. What if she’d heard him gasping and moaning through the door? She already suspected him of being a dangerous criminal. If she’d discovered him masturbating in her spotlessly clean bathroom, she’d have pegged him as a depraved pervert as well.

Kellen tugged a brush through his hair until it lay flat, resting against his shoulders. He hoped she didn’t mind sharing such a personal item as a hairbrush with him. Maybe it wasn’t hers and had come with the house. Kellen checked to make sure he wasn’t sporting wood again, shoved the wrist cuff into his jeans pocket, and retrieved his wet towel from the floor. He gave the cuff one last squeeze, took a deep, calming breath, and then opened the door.

The bathroom faced the kitchen, so there was no missing her. Dawn stood leaning back against the counter, sipping from a cream-colored coffee cup. There was something intensely erotic about the way she encircled the cup with both hands and brought it to her mouth as she watched him over the rim. Those hypnotic hazel eyes. All that thick red hair. That loose, white dress. Her bare feet with ten perfectly manicured hot-pink toenails peeking from beneath the hem of her long skirt. Everything about her was erotic, and she wasn’t even trying. His cock throbbed in appreciation of her femininity.

Should have jerked one out after all.

Walking awkwardly, Kellen clutched his laundry to his waist, hoping to hide what was going on in his shorts.

Her shorts.

Fuck! Stop thinking like that, moron. You’re going to rip her shorts in half if you get any harder. How are you going to explain that to her?

Excuse me, Dawn. I seem to have damaged your shorts with my raging hard-on. Do you have something a bit hardier I could wear? Perhaps something made of thick leather or stainless steel.

“Do you want me to throw your jeans in the dryer?” she asked.

“No thanks.” He didn’t want her to discover the wrist cuff hidden in his pocket, and he needed the jeans to shield his arousal.

Dawn turned and lifted a red cup from the counter. She walked toward him and offered him the coffee. Squashing his jeans and towel against his belly with one hand, Kellen extended his free hand to accept the cup.

“Thanks,” he said. Damn, his voice sounded all gruff and slightly breathless. Was she aware of the not-so-little problem going on behind a pair of wadded-up jeans and a damp towel? Did she have any idea how much he wanted to lift her up on the counter and fuck her until he couldn’t think straight enough to feel guilty about breaking his vow to Sara?

Dawn stared into his eyes and brushed her fingers over his in a slow, sensual caress as she handed off the cup. She wasn’t making his devotion to abstinence easy, that was for sure.

A spattering of freckles graced the bridge of her nose, and thick, dark eyelashes made the green flecks in her hazel eyes stand out. He tried not to look at her pouty lips and wonder what she tasted like. Did she enjoy soft, gentle kisses or did she prefer the deep, plundering assault on her mouth that he craved? He wanted to sink his hands into all those thick, red curls, tilt her head back and… and…

Small talk! He needed to make small talk.

“So where are you from?” he asked.

She blinked and took a startled breath. Was she thinking along the same lines he was? He really needed her to be a frigid bitch at the moment, but doubted she was the type. The vibe she gave off was warm and inviting. He couldn’t remember the last timed he’d wanted to be invited into a woman’s warmth, all slick and hot and snug. His cock throbbed with interest.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, woman. Say something. I can’t be thinking like this.

“Originally or lately?” she asked.

“Both.” Please stop looking at me like that with those exotic cat-like eyes. Kellen was used to women showing their interest in him. What he was not used to was losing control of his convictions and feeling anything in reciprocation.

“I was born in Pennsylvania, just outside Philadelphia. I’ve been in Los Angeles for several years now.”

“Do you like it there?”

She shrugged and took another sip of her coffee. “It’s not as humid as it is here. And then there is Hollywood.”

“Ah, so that’s why you moved out there.”

“The job market for classical music composers is fairly small.”

He swallowed a gulp of coffee. “Did you always want to write music for movies?”

She grinned at him. “In my rebellious years, I wrote music for video games.”

“You had rebellious years?”

She lifted her eyebrows at him, which had him picturing all sorts of naughty activities she probably had not been involved in during her rebellious years, but damn if he didn’t want to rebel with her now.

“Don’t we all?” she asked. “At least until we grow up.”

“Wait. Do you mean we’re supposed to outgrow that?”

“Are you still rebelling, Kellen?”

He chuckled. “Some would like to think that, but no, I don’t have anything to rebel against these days.” He took another drink of his coffee and then nodded toward his cup. “This is really good,” he said.

“If you think that’s good, you should try my French toast.”

His stomach growled in agreement. He’d had dinner before the show with the rest of the band—and in a bizarre twist of fate, with Owen’s new love interest, Caitlyn—but that had been many hours and whole lot of physical activity and emotional turmoil ago. Kellen covered his noisy belly and managed to drop his fabric cock shield in the process. Luckily, their inane conversation had reduced his tent to a slightly enthusiastic bulge.

Dawn’s gaze slid down his torso, and he tensed, trying to think of more small talk, but he’d pretty much lost his mental capacities.

When she drew her gaze up his body to meet his eyes again, she smiled and said, “Sounds as if your stomach is in agreement.”

Had she noticed he was filling out her shorts more than he should have been?

She headed for the fridge, which meant he wouldn’t be hearing her song again anytime soon. It also meant that they would be spending more time in each other’s company, which, as far as his quickly failing defenses were concerned, was a bad idea.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said. “I can make myself a sandwich when I go home.” Which was an outright lie because there wasn’t a scrap of food in Sara’s house. He’d be lucky if he found a year-old granola bar in the pantry.

“I want to cook for you,” she said. “I’m trying to dazzle you with my impressive skills.”

Done.

So he drank coffee at the breakfast bar while she whipped up a batch of French toast.

“Tell me about your band,” she said as she used a whisk to beat an egg, milk, and vanilla in a bowl.

“Where should I start?”

“At the beginning.”

“It’s a long story,” he warned.

“Good, because that caffeine high I warned you about is starting to kick in.”

“So you want my long, boring band story to lull you to sleep?” he teased, feeling a bit more relaxed now that there was a wide counter between them. He was horny as hell, but he didn’t think his cock would be able to hammer its way through several inches of wood and granite. When Dawn added butter to the warming pan and licked a stray smear from her finger, he decided he shouldn’t bet on that certainty.

“No, I want you to entertain me.” Her completely innocent comment had Kellen imagining not-so-innocent ways of entertaining her.

What the hell? He hadn’t reacted this way to a pretty girl since his lust-fueled teenage years. Was this what it felt like to be Owen? No wonder he was always begging to try out Tony’s newest sex club. This perpetual state of arousal was downright distracting.

“Um.” What had they been talking about? His band. Right. “We’ve been together as a unit for about seven years now.”

“What do you call yourselves?”

“Sole Regret.”

Her eyes lit up, and a broad smile spread across her face. “That sounds familiar,” she said. “Maybe I do remember the announcement of your nomination at the Grammy’s.”

“Was it accompanied by a really long air-horn blast?”

She laughed. “That was you?”

Kellen shook his head. “Owen. He isn’t into proper etiquette at award shows. He also yelled, ‘You suck!’ during the winner’s acceptance speech.”

Dawn laughed. “I remember that. Didn’t they ask him to leave?”

“We all had to leave. Owen’s a bit loud and outspoken when he’s been drinking, and we’d started celebrating our sure-win the night before.”

“Oh,” she said, her lips in a beguiling pout. “He must have been terribly disappointed.”

She sliced a piece of bread from a loaf, soaked it in the egg mixture, and then carefully laid it in the sizzling butter.

“You wouldn’t know what that was like,” Kellen said.

She glanced up. “Why do you think that?

“Well, because you won your Grammy.”

“But I didn’t win the World International or the Peabody Mason Piano Competitions, did I?”

“Never heard of either of those.”

“I also didn’t win—”

“Dawn, you have a fucking Grammy. I’ve heard of that one. Celebrate your victories.”

She gaped at him, her spatula gripped tightly in one fist. For a second, he thought she was going to smack him with it.

“I don’t like to lose,” she said.

Fire sparked in her voice, in her face. The rapid rise of her passion caused certain body parts in the room to rise. Again.

“Name one person who likes to lose,” he said.

She sucked in a little gasp and blinked at him. He suspected that no one dared to call her out on anything, which inspired the urge to find all her buttons and push them repeatedly, see just how brightly her fire could burn.

“But I really don’t like to lose. It’s almost pathological.”

He appraised her closely for a moment, looking beyond the sexual creature that had his full attention to the tense, slightly uptight, a-bit-too-proper woman he’d overlooked until now, what with the hormones swirling through his body. She seemed to cling to control a bit too tightly. He’d love to bind her and see how she responded to giving up complete control. To him.

“There’s only one way to ensure you never lose,” he said.

She flipped over a perfectly browned piece of French toast with her spatula. “What’s that?”

“Don’t compete.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen. I have a competitive streak a mile wide. I have to know if…”

She met his eyes, and the fire in them surged. Would rendering her defenseless with ropes cause that fire to burn brighter, dampen it, or extinguish it completely? He predicted she’d ignite under his meticulous attention as he included her body in one of his creations—where bondage became art. And he doubted she’d be the only one to ignite if he played with that particular fire. He took a deep breath. He needed to find focus, which was entirely impossible with her looking all defiant and tense. He wanted to draw both the defiance and the tension from her body and teach her how to relax.

“You have to know if you’re the best,” he completed her sentence.

She used her spatula to eject a perfect piece of French toast from the skillet onto a plate and then added a raw slice to the pan. It sizzled and hissed. Kellen inhaled the scent of vanilla and warmed bread. His mouth watered.

“I don’t need to be the best at everything,” she said, her attention on her task. “Just at what I’m most passionate about.”

“Would that be composing or playing piano?”

“Both,” she said.

“And does it make you happy to pursue perfection?”

Her gaze darted upward to find his.

He hid a grin. Another of her buttons found and pressed.

“That’s a very personal question,” she said, her voice a bit louder than necessary. “And how did we end up talking about me? I asked you about your band.”

“We’re talking about you because you’re more interesting than I am,” he said.

“I guarantee that I’m not.”

“We’ll see.” He chuckled. “I started playing guitar when my grandfather caught me fooling around with the vintage Les Paul that he’d won in a bet. I snapped one of the strings and thought he was going to skin me alive, but instead he punished me by forcing me to take lessons from a friend of his who played in a local band. I was thirteen. That’s the same year I met Sole Regret’s bassist, Owen. He wasn’t into music much. He liked to follow me to my lessons and watch, but he didn’t want to learn to play himself. Not until a couple years later when the girls started hanging around me because I was cool. So Owen learned to play in an attempt to attract girls. He’s very shallow that way.” Kellen winked at her.

“So you didn’t learn to play in order to attract girls?”

“Music is my escape,” he said. “I quickly became addicted to producing sound. It’s like a drug I can’t get enough of.”

He met her eyes and they gazed at each other. “I feel the same way about the piano,” she said. “I just would have called it a compulsion instead of an addiction.”

Sara had never understood this part of him. She’d thought of music as something that took him away from her. She seemed to think she was competing against music for his affection, not that it helped make him the man she loved. It was nice to meet a woman who understood how vital music could be to a person.

Dawn flipped a second piece of French toast onto a plate before adding a third to the pan. While it cooked, she set a tub of butter, a bottle of maple syrup, and his plate before him. He inhaled deeply.

“This smells heavenly.”

“My grandmother’s recipe.”

Kellen’s first bite had his eyes rolling into the back of his head in delight. “This is amazing. What’s the secret?”

“Vanilla,” she said. “And day-old, fresh-baked bread.”

“Lucky I happened along the day after your trip to the bakery.”

Her cheeks went pink, and she paid extra close attention to the toast sizzling in the pan.

Had he discovered another button? He wasn’t sure where to push. “Is there a bakery nearby?”

She shook her head. “I baked it,” she said. “Baking is a huge stress reliever for me.”

“Lucky me,” he said. “What are you stressed out about?”

She hesitated for a long moment and then let out a sigh. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m supposed to turn in a completed composition tomorrow,” she said. “I was commissioned for a piece to be used as the main theme in some feel-good summer blockbuster. I’ve been working on it for months and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get it right.”

“Maybe that’s your problem,” he said, trying to remember his manners and not talk with his mouth full, but the French toast was so delicious that he couldn’t stop shoveling it in.

“My problem?”

Oh, another button? Poke. Poke. Poke.

“One of many, I’m sure,” he said.

She leveled him with a heated glare, and he warmed from the inside out. He hadn’t even realized he’d been cold.

“Maybe you’re just trying too hard,” he said. “Sometimes the best inspiration hits when you aren’t paying attention. Let your subconscious write the music. It’s purer that way.”

“And what would you know about writing music?” she said, flipping her piece of French toast to an empty plate. She turned off the burner and reached for the tub of butter. He couldn’t resist moving it out of her reach.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Why did he get the impression that she was counting backward from a hundred so she didn’t slap the shit out of him with her spatula?

“I’ve written a few songs,” he said. “The band’s lead guitarist, Adam, is our main composer, but he allows the rest of us to come up with a note or two.”

“What do you know about writing piano music?”

“Absolutely nothing,” he admitted.

She collected her plate and moved around the counter to sit beside him.

“I’m sorry I’m so testy tonight,” she said. “I’m under a lot of pressure. I just… I don’t want to fail at my own dream.”

“You’re not failing,” he said. “You’re just a little stuck. It happens to everyone.”

She shook her head as she slathered butter on her French toast. “It doesn’t happen to me. I can’t permit it to happen to me.”

“Reality check, Dawn. It already has.”

“I can still finish the composition tonight,” she said.

“And if you can’t?”

Her lower lip trembled and she refused to meet his eyes, even though he was staring her down like a panther watching a tender young deer wander unknowingly beneath his tree.

“I’m not allowed to fail,” she said. “Absolutely not allowed.”

Allowed? Why would she say it that way? He placed a comforting hand at the base of her spine and she jerked so hard, she nearly launched herself straight off the stool.

“I can’t promise you anything, but I will help, if I can,” he said. “Relax, okay?”

“Easy for you to say,” she mumbled under her breath.

He removed his hand from her back, cursing himself for touching her as he could still feel the tension in her muscles against his palm. She picked at her French toast and after a moment of appearing defeated, straightened her shoulders and turned slightly to look at him.

“So you and your friend Owen became guitarists to seduce naive young women. What about the rest of your band? Did they also suffer from an inability to pick up girls based on their looks and personality alone?”

He sighed at her obvious subject change. “Owen didn’t really like guitar, so he switched to bass, which is the rock-band position least likely to get you laid.” Owen, however, had stopped having that problem soon after they graduated high school. “We’re not as shallow as I make us out to be.”

“Why didn’t Owen like guitar?”

“I’m not sure he was being completely truthful. I think he claimed that he didn’t like the guitar so he wouldn’t steal my thunder. He’s actually a good guitarist, but he has this way of putting everyone before himself. Especially me.”

“So he didn’t want to beat you at your own game.”

“Something like that.”

“How many are in your band?”

“Five. Jacob is the lead singer, and Adam plays lead guitar. They’ve been friends since they were young. They’re a couple years older than Owen and me. They’d started up a band with a drummer named Quint and were looking for a bassist to make up the fourth member of the group, which was called Desperation Normal. When Owen answered their ad on a bulletin board at a bar in Austin and agreed to join as their bassist, they had no intention of including me; they weren’t looking for a second guitarist. But Owen has a way of getting what he wants, and he refused to be a part of anything that didn’t include me, so they let me play along. Turns out two guitarists can be better than one. I couldn’t outplay Adam Taylor as a soloist, so I switched to rhythm guitar and let him have the limelight.”

“Are you satisfied playing rhythm guitar?”

“Yeah. I guess. I’m satisfied being a part of Sole Regret.” He never really thought much about why Adam played lead and he continued playing rhythm. It just worked best that way. “And then Quint met a girl, got married, and left the band. And Jacob recruited our current drummer, Gabe. Well, more like kidnapped him.” Kellen chuckled at those early weeks with Gabe and his constant whining about not having enough time to study for his quantum physics midterm. Perhaps the world had missed out on a fantastic engineer when Gabriel Banner had eventually dropped out of school after struggling to do everything for a semester—school, work, the band, and his girlfriend at the time. Missed out on an engineer, but gained one of the most skilled drummers to ever pound the skins. “We changed our name to Sole Regret a couple of weeks after the band was fully formed.”

“Why do you regret your souls?” she asked.

“Huh?” He looked up from his plate, which had somehow become empty while he’d been running off at the mouth.

“Your band’s name is Soul Regret. Why do you regret your soul?”

“Sole Regret. Sole meaning one or single.”

“Oh, one regret.” Dawn speared the final bite of her French toast. “You only have one?”

“Well, at the time. I was young.” He smiled sadly. He had dozens of regrets now, all centering around the things he should have done with Sara. He even regretted that he’d respected her too much to grope her early in their relationship. Maybe if he’d given in to those urges, he might have found the lump in her breast in time. Maybe her treatments would have been more effective. Maybe they could have saved her. Was it strange to regret not being after only one thing with the love of your life? Maybe, but he couldn’t help it.

“Kellen?” Dawn said after she’d swallowed her final bite.

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t you want to go home?”

He hesitated. How had she managed to pick up on that? “What do you mean?”

“Earlier when you said you would leave me alone and go home, you didn’t sound like you wanted to go.”

He shrugged. “There’s nothing there for me anymore.”

“But there’s something for you here?”

He dabbed his finger into a puddle of syrup and brought it to his tongue. “Yeah,” he said. “There’s you.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh.”

“And your song,” he added, before she got the wrong idea. “Are you going to play for me now? You’ve already spoiled my hungry belly with your fantastic French toast; why not treat my ears to something just as sweet?”

He winked at her and after a moment, she nodded.

“I think I’m ready,” she said. “Just don’t expect a miracle.”

“I won’t.” Kellen had given up on miracles five years ago.

Chapter Four

Dawn placed her hands on the keys and closed her eyes. The first notes of the piece came easily, and her fingers found them in natural succession. Music poured from every particle of her being as she gave herself over to the melody.

As the first crescendo built, her muscles began to tense tighter and tighter until she reached the dam beyond which she could not create. She froze. Her hands stilled. Her eyelids clenched tight. Anxiety churned in the pit of her stomach.

The piano began to play of its own accord. The notes that sounded weren’t the correct ones—Dawn instinctively knew when the notes were right—but it wasn’t silence. Thank God, it wasn’t silence. Her eyes popped open, and she watched the long-fingered masculine hands move across the black and ivory keys. They went still suddenly, and she looked up at Kellen, wondering why he’d stopped.

“Well, that sounded better in my head than in reality,” he said with a wince. “Did I offend you by messing with your song?”

She supposed gawking at him like an idiot might make him think that she was offended, but she wasn’t. Surprised, yes. Grateful the sea had seen fit to wash him into her life, yes. Offended? Never.

“That wasn’t quite right,” she said.

“It was horrendous,” he said. “I follow your masterpiece with that load of crap? You must think I’m a talentless hack.”

She shook her head and touched the back of his hand with her fingertips. Sparks danced along her nerve endings, and her belly fluttered with nerves or excitement or just plain silliness. When he drew his hand away and rested it on his thigh beneath the keyboard, she could have cried.

It sucked to be attracted to a man who held no reciprocating interest.

“Play it again,” he said. “I won’t interrupt this time, I promise.”

“You didn’t interrupt. I always freeze at that exact spot. I’m afraid I’ll never get past it.”

“So instead of stopping, just play something—any crap that comes out—until the right notes finally find you.”

She laughed. “I don’t know how to play crap.”

“Lucky you,” he said, his white smile flashing in his strong, handsome face. She wanted to prop her chin up on her hand and stare at him dreamily. She needed to get a grip.

“Ninety percent of my work is crap,” he continued. “Another nine percent is mediocre, and then there are those rare gems that are actually useable.”

“It’s not that I can’t play crap. I’m just afraid to.” She diverted her gaze to the keyboard. “I’m sort of a perfectionist.” And it wasn’t a trait she’d been born with. Her mother had ensured she’d paid for every mistake until the thought of making one crippled her. “What you played wasn’t bad,” she said.

“Liar,” he said, still grinning, “but it was a little better than—”

Blam! His hands slammed on the keyboard as hers had so many times over the past week.

“Just a little better than—” She hit the keys with her fist. Blam!

“Shit, even your”—Blam!—“sounds better than mine does.”

“Maybe you should just give up on music writing.”

“Ouch! My ego isn’t made of steel, you know?”

“I’m just teasing.” Couldn’t he tell? If not, she was sorry to have damaged his pride. “Let’s try it again. Maybe something that comes out of you will complement something inside of me.”

He groaned. “Don’t say things like that. I’ve been abstinent so long, I’m likely to take it the wrong way.”

Why would he ever so selfishly resort to abstinence? Dawn wondered if he’d like to break that dry spell, because she had her own abstinence thing going on, not that she’d planned it that way, and maybe they could end the drought together. Of course, for a gorgeous, virile man like Kellen, perhaps a week was a long stint of abstinence.

“Sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have brought that up. Please, continue.”

But he had brought it up, so she had to ask. “Why have you been abstinent? Surely you have hundreds of women standing in line to get you into bed.” Having just met him, she might be at the end of the line, but she was definitely in it.

“But not the one who matters.”

She caught the anguish in his expression before he turned his face away and began to play a completely disjointed string of notes.

She covered his hand with hers to stop his playing.

“Are you being intentionally mysterious? Or does driving me insane with curiosity come naturally to you?”

“It comes naturally.”

They shared a laugh, and Kellen reached for one of her score sheets. He propped it on the stand above the fall board. Reading the notes scattered along the staff, he played them slowly, but correctly. She fought the urge to play over him, to get the tempo up to where it belonged. She didn’t know why, but it bothered her beyond reason when anyone took liberties with her music and didn’t play it exactly as she envisioned it.

When the song shifted to a lower register, his arm brushed hers and his fingers went still.

She glanced at him to find him sitting with his eyes closed.

“I should go,” he said.

“Why? I don’t want you to go.”

“Because I’m incredibly attracted to you, and I don’t think I’m quite ready to act on it.”

Well, in that case, there was no way she was letting him leave.

Chapter Five

He wasn't sure why Dawn had him in knots. She hadn't been overly flirtatious. She looked nothing like Sara. Dawn had gorgeous, deep red hair, hazel eyes flecked with green, and adorable freckles on her long, straight nose. Her lips were thinner than Sara's had been. She was tall, long limbed and fine boned. She didn't smell like Sara or sound like her or say things that reminded him of phrases Sara used to say. Dawn was nothing like Sara. Kellen couldn't remember the last time he'd looked at any woman and not been reminded of Sara at all. He couldn’t remember, because it had never happened. He didn't know if he should feel relieved or guilty or sad. What he mostly felt was aroused.

"You're attracted to me?" Dawn asked, her expressive hazel eyes wide. "Because you're doing a good job of hiding it. Why do you draw away when I touch you? You make me feel like I have cooties."

"I don't want to be attracted to you."

"Are you married? Engaged?"

"I wish I were." He might as well just tell her what she was up against. "Are you attracted to me too?" He thought she was, but before he started saying things to scare her away and remind himself of the emptiness inside, he needed to make sure the revelation was worth the pain.

"Yeah, I am definitely attracted to you," she said. "I can't imagine there's a woman on the planet who wouldn't be."

He rolled his eyes. He didn't need her flattery. He just needed her to shoot straight with him.

"The woman I planned to marry died, so technically I'm not attached. But spiritually and emotionally I'm in a relationship that doesn't exist."

She stared at him, her eyes searching his until he had to look away. "Well, that sucks," she said. "Kind of hard for me to compete with someone who can do no wrong."

Not the empathy and sympathy to which he was accustomed. Dawn’s eyes were dry and she wasn't doing that annoying pat his hand and avoid his gaze thing that so many people did when he told them about Sara.

"Okay,” she said, turning back to her keyboard. “I'm going to start the song again and when I get to my stuck spot, I’d like you to play whatever occurs to you."

That was it? She wasn't going to hound him with questions and overwhelm him with so many memories of Sara that he was forced to retreat inside himself again? She wasn’t going to give him a reason to push her away? He didn’t know how to respond.

She started playing her unfinished composition and as before, the collection of notes lifted his spirit, made him yearn for the song to never end. With each successive note he felt happier, more alive, more connected to something than he had in years. When Dawn reached her final note, Kellen prepared to take over, but three additional notes poured from her fingers. She straightened on the bench beside him and played the three notes again. And again. Then she sang them in the most beautiful falsetto he had ever heard and played them yet again.

She released a long breath, the tension draining from her body. "Three is better than none."

"And better than crap."

She beamed and gave him a hasty hug. "I think my muse is intimidated by your crap, Kellen."

He fought the urge to wrap his arms around her and hold her close. He still wasn't sure how he felt about his attraction to her. It felt different than when he got sexually excited when a woman made unwanted advances toward him. Yeah, his cock got hard when women came on to him, but he felt so guilty about his body's reaction that he couldn’t bring himself to give in to his sexual needs.

Sitting next to Dawn, he felt stirrings of lust, but the place she touched him was deeper than his baser needs. She touched him where his music resided. Sara had never touched that part of him. When they'd been together, he'd almost given up music. Sole Regret’s first album hadn’t been the success they’d hoped. With Sara in college and Kellen holding down odd jobs to pay the bills, they’d been hopelessly broke. Once Sara’s medical bills started to pile up, it seemed the only thing to do was leave the band and find a decent job. He’d wanted to provide for her. Only Owen’s insistence that Kellen stay had kept him from giving up the band entirely. Owen had believed in Sole Regret when Kellen had completely lost hope on their dream. Owen ever the optimist. Owen who always put other’s needs before his own. Owen onboard for anything at any time. Owen...

God, what was he going to do about Owen? Kellen had made a complete mess of their friendship and just when he thought he finally had their relationship back on its proper track, he did something completely stupid. Like tie Owen to a pommel and show a woman how to give him a proper hand job by demonstration. What in the fuck had he been thinking last night?

Dawn abruptly stopped playing. "You're not listening," she said. "Are you bored?"

"No. I just have a lot on my mind," he said. "Don't stop. This song is like a break in the clouds during a storm."

"The eye of your hurricane."

He chuckled. His life was definitely in a whirlwind. "Exactly."

"If you want to talk about her, I'll listen," she said, playing softly again.

"Do you want me to talk about her?"

Dawn shook her head. "Not particularly. I'm sure if you loved her, she was wonderful."

"Sometimes I hate her for what she's done to me." Kellen tensed. Had he really just admitted that aloud? He’d never even admitted that to himself. I didn’t mean it, Sara. I could never hate you.

"I can understand that," Dawn said.

He somehow doubted it.

“Have you ever been in love?” he asked.

Dawn hesitated, and then she nodded. “But he didn’t love me in return. He thought I was a silly little girl and in retrospect, I was. I was sixteen and he was in his thirties. He’d been my piano teacher for years before my hormones kicked into high gear and I made a complete idiot of myself by throwing myself at him.”

“I’m sure if you hadn’t been jailbait, he would have caught you. What was his name?”

“Pierre,” she said, releasing a dreamy sigh.

“Pierre?” Kellen chuckled. “You’re kidding, right?”

“He’s French,” she said stiffly.

“Vous êtes plus belle que les étoiles, mon amour,” he whispered close to her ear.

She swayed against him, and he wrapped an arm around her back to keep her from tumbling from the piano bench.

“You speak French?” she said.

“Just that one sentence,” he said. He didn’t even remember exactly what it meant. Something about the stars being beautiful.

“So if I said, je suis très excitée par vous, you wouldn’t know what I meant?”

“Sounds kinky,” he teased.

“It could be.”

She tilted her head to look up at him. There were mere inches between their lips. Would she taste as decadent as she looked? The green flecks in her eyes caught Kellen’s attention. So exotic. His heart thudded faster and faster as he leaned closer. He hadn’t kissed a woman since Sara. Hadn’t wanted to. He sure the fuck wanted to now.

Dawn pressed a fingertip against his lips. “Hold that thought,” she said and shifted away to pound on her keyboard with renewed vigor.

Kellen stifled a groan. He felt torn between his yearning to devour this woman’s sensual mouth and his desire to be a part of the soaring composition she was creating right beside him. Dawn played with her eyes closed, her fingers moving swiftly over the keys. The loose bodice of her dress fell open as she rocked forward to press the foot pedals, and Kellen caught a glimpse of the soft swell of one breast and an expanse of pale freckles decorating the smooth alabaster skin of her chest. Would he find freckles elsewhere? In places hidden from his view? On her belly? Her thighs? His cock twitched as he thought about kissing every freckle he discovered until she spread her legs for him. Would she allow him to sample her fluids with his tongue? Permit him to breathe the musk of her arousal while he treated her pussy to the same deep, plundering kisses he craved from her mouth? He wanted to hear his name gasped, moaned, screamed as she came over and over again at the insistence of his tongue, his lips, his teeth.

When he noticed the pair of thin boxer shorts she’d loaned him were tented with his obvious arousal, he was glad she had her eyes closed. He shifted so that his belly was against the piano and his erection was hidden from view. He tried not to imagine fucking Dawn on the lid of her grand piano, with her dress bunched up around her waist and her bare breasts spilling from her bodice. Tried but failed. He could almost feel her heels digging into his ass, her heat gripping him. He wiped at sweat that formed at the base of his throat.

This was what he got for denying his needs for so long. And it didn’t help that the song she was composing held the cadence of the sea—the repetition of surge and withdrawal, peak and valley—that was suddenly a lot more sexual to him than it should have been.

The storm raged outside, producing a clap of thunder so loud the windows rattled. Dawn jumped and pressed a hand to the center of her chest. “Oh,” she said, “that startled me. Sometimes I get lost in my music and forget there’s a world beyond my own sound.”

“I get the same way on stage sometimes,” he said.

She gnawed on her lips while she considered him closely. “You look a bit tense,” she said. “Is the song not working for you? You can be honest.”

The song was working for him in ways he was sure she hadn’t intended. He couldn’t very well tell her that it turned him on. Of course in his current state of sexual frustration, just about everything turned him on. He’d even gotten turned on while tying Owen last night.

He’d bound Owen so a woman could have her way with him, but seeing him like that… Kellen hadn’t been able to keep his hands off him and had ultimately fled the room with a stiff cock. How fucked up was that?

Habitual masturbation helped ease Kellen’s frustration, but it just wasn’t the same as touching another, as being touched by someone he loved and trusted. He’d touched Owen—and had once allowed Owen to touch him—because in whatever alternate universe his morals were now living, that was not cheating on Sara. Even though he’d convinced himself of that, how in the hell did he explain any of that shit to Owen? Owen who was down for anything as long as it felt good. Owen who loved everyone unconditionally. Kellen had taken advantage of Owen’s nature, and he felt terrible about it. Not terrible enough to have an honest conversation with him. Too awkward. What could he possibly say to make things right?

“Earth to Kellen,” Dawn said. “Are you feeling this song at all?”

“If I was honest about what this song does to me,” Kellen said, “you’d toss me back into the storm. Which actually might be for the best.”

“What does it do to you?” she asked.

He leaned back from the keyboard and glanced down at his lap. She followed his gaze and gasped at the very noticeable bulge in his shorts. “Oh!”

He rubbed at his eyebrow. She must think he only had one thing on his mind, which wasn’t far from the truth. “I’ll go.”

She grabbed his thigh before he could climb from the bench. “This song does similar things to me,” she whispered. “I can’t stop thinking about sex.” She stared at him, all beautiful and beguiling, and his cock jerked. “I can’t stop thinking about sex with you.”

His mouth went dry.

“I’ve never gotten aroused while composing a song,” she said, “so it must be the company.”

Her hand slipped up his thigh, and his belly clenched. If she touched him there, he was going to explode.

“Don’t leave. I need to see where this takes me and I’m afraid if you go, I’ll never finish.”

When she removed her hand and placed it over the keys, he groaned.

“I’m sorry to be selfish,” she said, “but I have to keep going. I’m consumed by the melody now and I don’t want to stop until I’m finished. I hope you understand.”

Kellen understood perfectly. He never stopped until his partner was finished. At least, when he’d actually allowed himself to have partners, it had been that way.

Her fingers flew across the keys, drawing so many positive emotions from Kellen that he could have kissed her in gratitude. The song was a celebration of sensuality, and it had been far too long since he’d celebrated. The enraptured expression on Dawn’s face as she worked through the composition over and over again made him want to drag her to the floor and claim her. Lose himself in her body. He’d already lost himself to her passion.

A flash of lightning illuminated Dawn’s lovely face. An instant later, they were bathed in darkness. The storm seemed to grow louder as the humming appliances and the air conditioning system fell silent.

“I’ll try to find candles,” Dawn said. “I think there are some in the kitchen.”

Kellen reached out to touch her and found the warm skin of her hand resting on her thigh.

“We don’t need light to hear the music,” he said, “or to feel it. Don’t bother.” Plus, he really didn’t mind sitting with her in the dark while the heavens battled outside. He could get as aroused as he liked, and she wouldn’t be able to see it. Too bad the lights hadn’t gone out before he’d revealed his not-so-little secret. Before he’d been so absorbed in the sight of her and the music she created that he’d lost his mind and drawn attention to his painfully hard dick.

Lightning flashed, giving him a quick glimpse of her contemplative expression.

The rain lashed against the windows and wind howled through the rafters. The entire house swayed slightly on its sturdy stilts. Even so, Kellen was so fixated on the woman beside him that the most pronounced sound for him was her breathing.

Dawn turned her hand, still resting on her thigh, until her palm met his and held his hand in a loose grip.

“You’re right,” she whispered. “We don’t need light. Just sound.”

And touch.

Kellen’s thumb stroked her skin. Why did holding her hand feel so intimate? Why did it feel so right?

“Kellen?” she said.

“Yeah?”

“What was her name?”

His heart twisted, and he tugged his hand free of hers. He focused on the rivulets of rainwater flowing down the windowpanes against a background of distant flickers. “Sara,” he said around the lump in his throat. “Her name was Sara.”

“Sorry,” Dawn said. “I shouldn’t have brought her up. It’s just…” She took a deep breath. “If I had a man who loved me even half as much as you obviously still love her, I’d consider myself blessed.”

“I don’t feel blessed.” Damned. That’s how he felt. Damned.

Dawn leaned against his arm, and her free hand slid along his lower back. Kellen held his breath, not wanting to be comforted by her simple gesture, but he was. It felt wonderful to relax against her and allow himself that small bit of feminine contact.

“So why are you single, Dawn O’Reilly?” he asked. “A beautiful, sexy, talented, intelligent, successful woman such as yourself should be taken.”

Her arm tightened around his back, which pulled her closer to his side. She was so warm. Smelled so sweet. He was glad of the darkness so he could experience her on an entirely new level. He’d been overwhelmed with the sight of her before; now his other senses had the opportunity to be dazzled. He leaned closer and detected a hint of honeysuckle on her skin.

“Just busy I guess,” she said. “I haven’t been able to find the right man. Or maybe I was waiting for him to find me.”

Kellen closed his eyes and swallowed. He wasn’t ready to be the right man for her. How did he convey that without hurting her feelings? There was absolutely nothing standing in his way but himself, but he sure as hell wasn’t prepared to clear the road ahead just because this woman had his hormones in an uproar.

“Dawn, I…”

She drew away, and he immediately missed the feel of her hand in his.

“You don’t have to say it. I understand.”

A random note sounded on the piano as her fingers found the keys.

He squeezed her knee.

“I didn’t realize how alone I’ve felt,” she whispered, “with nothing but my music to fill the days and nights. I thought it was enough.”

He knew what that was like. With the exception of Owen, he hadn’t allowed himself to care about anything but music since Sara had passed and if he hadn’t known Owen before meeting her, Kellen wasn’t sure he’d have ever let anyone close again.

“What about your friends?” he asked. “Your family? Don’t you see them?”

“From time to time,” she said. Her hand moved to cover his on her knee, as if she feared he’d move it away. “They have their own lives. I’ve never been a priority to anyone.” She laughed, a dry empty sound. “When I was little, my mother spent a lot of time trying to wring a bit of talent out of me—ballet, gymnastics, art, if they had a class for it, I was in it. When she discovered I had a natural affinity for the piano, she handed me off to the best teachers my daddy’s money could buy and made sure they pushed me. It was almost as if she was relieved that she didn’t have to bother with me anymore. Daddy…” She inhaled a deep breath and pushed on. “Daddy always made appearances at my recitals to show he was proud of my accomplishments, but there just wasn’t any warmth in him. I never felt close to either of them, not the way I imagined other daughters felt about their parents. I thought that the only way I could make them love me was if I was perfect.”

He heard the pain in her voice and wished he could see her face. He probably should have encouraged her to find those candles. “What about your siblings?” he asked.

“Only child,” she said.

“Me too. Well, until I met Owen, and his family treated me like one of theirs.” He laughed, because even thinking about the Mitchells brought him joy.

“Tell me about Owen,” she said, her hand tightening on his. “I was homeschooled by the best tutors money could buy, so I never got to be around anyone my own age until I became an adult. Piano isn’t a team sport. More than anything, I would have liked to have had a childhood friend.”

“Your family must be very wealthy,” he said quietly.

“I never wanted for anything as a child,” she said. “Except affection.”

Kellen hadn’t had a surplus of either wealth or affection. His grandfather had been an important part of his youth, but he’d been old and age had done terrible things to his memory. He hadn’t lived long after they’d put him in a nursing home for his safety. Grandfather simply hadn’t thrived away from the brushy wilderness he loved to wander. It was as if taking him away from his land made him give up on life. It wasn’t long after his grandfather had passed that Kellen had met Owen. It was as if destiny had known how much Kellen would need him in the coming years.

“Living in the middle of nowhere, I didn’t have any close friends as a child either,” Kellen said. “I met Owen on the first day of seventh grade. We’d gone to different elementary schools, but they bused us to the same junior high. I was hoping for a fresh start. New school. Only half the kids there would know where I came from. Even then, no one would sit next to the poor kid who’d done a really bad job of trying to cut his own hair the night before, and no one would let the pudgy kid in orange and white horizontal stripes sit next to them. So Owen had no choice but to sit next to me. He’d given my bad haircut one long look, but he never said anything. He never made fun of me like the other kids did. Owen sat next to me on the bus every day for a week and we didn’t say a word to each other. We had the same lack of popularity at lunch and sat at the same table, both trying to be invisible, because when you’re thirteen, invisible is better than being noticed for being different.”

Dawn squeezed his hand. “Thirteen is an awful age. So I guess you two finally started talking to each other. Or do you still just sit in silence, trying to be invisible?”

Kellen chuckled. “We started talking after his mother stood up for me in the principal’s office.”

“Principal’s office? Were you a troublemaker?”

“I only made trouble when I couldn’t ignore it any more. And there’s just something in Owen so pure and good that I wanted to preserve it. I hated that those assholes would walk up behind him in the cafeteria and squeal like pigs as they shoved him against the table. I hated how they treated him far more than I hated how they made fun of my clothes, my shoes, my haircut, and the trailer I lived in with my mother and her welfare check. Owen had never done a mean thing to anyone in his life. Where I came from didn’t matter to him, and he wasn’t upset that he was forced to sit next to me on the bus and at lunch. He seemed grateful.

“So a week after we started hanging out in silence, Owen’s sitting there across the cafeteria table from me, minding his own business as usual, and this fucking asshole, Jasper Barnes, picks up Owen’s chocolate pudding cup and smashes it into his chest. ‘You still going to eat that shit?’ he said. ‘I bet you will, Piggie. Lick it off. Eat your own shit, Piggie.’ And then he starts making those pig-squeal sounds.”

“That’s so mean.”

“I was pissed, not going to deny it, but I probably would have just sat there and tried not to watch, grateful it wasn’t me being targeted. Then Owen lifted his head and he looked at me. I saw the shame in his eyes. Shame. What the fuck did he have to be ashamed of? That fucking bully was the one who should have been ashamed. When Owen started to clean the pudding off his shirt with a napkin, I fucking lost it. I was a scrawny kid and didn’t have a chance against a big jock like Jasper Barnes, so I went after him with my fork. I didn’t even get the chance to stab him with it before the teachers pulled me off him. I got suspended for using a weapon at school and later got my ass kicked by that bully and half the defensive line of the football team, but it was worth it because Owen started talking to me after that. Actually, he hasn’t shut up since.”

Kellen smiled as he thought about Owen’s ceaseless prattle. He was definitely a talker. And something about sitting in the dark with Dawn O’Reilly made Kellen a talker too.

“I’m glad you became friends. I can tell he means a lot to you.”

“I’d die for him. I don’t say that lightly. Owen’s always saying how I saved him by protecting him from the bullying, but he saved me a thousand times over. No telling where I’d be today if it wasn’t for him and his family. He didn’t see the dirt-poor bastard that everyone else in town saw. He never judged me based on my mother’s poor choices. Owen just saw me. It didn’t bother him that his mom gave me his older brother’s hand-me-downs. Owen said great things like, ‘You have no idea how glad I am that I don’t have to try to squeeze into Chad’s old clothes anymore’ and ‘I can’t believe my mom gave you socks and underwear for your birthday. The woman is so embarrassing.’ The woman is a saint, is what she is. I hit my growth spurt in eighth grade and if it hadn’t been for Janine, I’d have been wearing high-waters and ripping the seams out of my Spiderman T-shirt.”

“Did Owen realize that his mom was helping you?”

“He never said anything, but he had to have known. Everyone knew that I’d never met my father and that my mom took a welfare check because it’s hard for a drunk to hold down a job. She’d given up hope for a better life long before I was born. Our lack of money was what defined me. But not to the Mitchell family. I was Owen’s friend, so I was their surrogate son. His mother is a true treasure. Best woman I’ve ever known.”

“So there’s another woman in your life that I’ll never measure up to,” Dawn said.

Kellen chuckled. “No other woman can measure up to you either, Dawn. You are the only woman who sexually excites me with a mere song.”

She leaned in and whispered close to his ear, “I’ll take what I can get.”

It wasn’t only her song that sexually excited him. The tickle of her breath against his skin drew a soft moan of longing from the back of his throat.

“Kellen?”

He loved the way his name sounded when she spoke it. “Dawn?”

“How long has it been since you last had sex?”

He sat stunned that she would ask him something so forward.

“Uh, why?” he said after a moment.

“I don’t usually have sex with men I’ve just meet, but I want to with you.”

He closed his eyes and swallowed. How could he turn down her offer? It wasn’t that women never propositioned him. They did it all the time—rubbed up against him, shoved their hands down his pants, whispered suggestions into his ear—but he hadn’t been interested. Sara’s memory had given him the strength to say no. Hell, when he was alone with a woman, he found forwardness downright repulsive, but he was alone with Dawn and her words didn’t have the usual effect on him. He wanted her. God, he fucking wanted her.

Promise you’ll never make love to another woman, Kellen. Sara’s words echoed through his head. They were like a slap to the face.

“It’s been five years,” he said.

“You haven’t done anything in five years?”

“I didn’t say I hadn’t done anything. I just haven’t been inside a woman in that long.”

“Oh,” she said.

He could hear the disappointment in her voice. This time he was glad it was dark so he didn’t have to see it on her face.

“What kinds of things have you done?” she asked unexpectedly.

“Alone or with Owen?”

She gasped. “With Owen? Are you gay?”

“I’m not gay, Dawn. A bit confused maybe.” He rubbed at his eyebrow with two fingertips while he gathered his thoughts. “Can I talk to you about something? Something I haven’t even talked to Owen about? Something I need to tell him but am so worried about how he’ll react that every time I try to bring it up, I can’t form the words.”

What was it about the darkness that allowed him to open up? Or maybe it wasn’t the darkness at all. Maybe it was the kindred spirit within the woman beside him that made him feel he could tell Dawn anything.

“I’ll listen,” she said. “I probably won’t say the right thing though.”

He doubted there was a right thing to say. “Soon after Sara died, Owen started going to sex clubs and guilting me into going with him.”

“What’s a sex club? Is it like a whorehouse?”

He smiled and couldn’t resist running a hand along the base of her spine. Oh the naughty things he could introduce her to, Miss Sweet and Vanilla.

“No, you pay for a certain service at a whorehouse and that’s what you get. Sex clubs are where people of certain sexual tastes congregate and hook up.” He turned his face to whisper in her ear, and the tickle of her hair against his nose set off nerve endings that sent waves of pleasure to his groin and triggered alarm bells in his head—alarm bells he chose to ignore. “What are your sexual tastes, Dawn? I can tell you where there’s a club for it.”

“I wouldn’t be comfortable hooking up with some stranger in a club,” she said. The muscles of her back were taut beneath his palm.

No matter how much he enjoyed it, he needed to stop touching her. This thing between them wasn’t going to happen. “I wouldn’t want you to hook up with a stranger,” he said, which was the truth, but he had no business saying that to her. And he really did need to talk about what was going on with Owen. Maybe someone outside their relationship could make sense of it. “So one night while I was waiting for Owen to finish up spanking and screwing some chick he’d just met, I caught the eye of a man named Toshi.”

Dawn shifted beside him, squirming slightly.

“I didn’t have sex with Toshi,” he said.

“It’s none of my business if you did.”

“Do you want me to not talk about this? I can tell it’s making you uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, uncomfortable,” she whispered. “We’ll go with that.”

“Toshi is a master in the Japanese art of Shibari.”

“Does that involve swords and disembowelment?”

“No, ropes and release. Toshi spoke of tying knots as if it were a high art form—the way an inspired painter or a poet or a musician talks of his work. I was intrigued. I guess I’m a sucker for an artist. I let him show me a few techniques on one arm. He taught me to tie a couple of knots and then when Owen came to collect me, Toshi told me to keep the rope and if I wanted to learn more, where I could find him.”

“So I guess you found him.”

“I did a lot of research about Shibari on the Internet, even read a few books, but ultimately I did seek him out, because nothing compares to being taught one-on-one by a master.”

“That’s true.”

“He has a studio in San Francisco,” Kellen said. “He binds people with ropes and then he photographs them. For the first year after Sara died, nothing excited me—emotionally or physically. But as I walked through his gallery, admiring his work—flesh against intricate designs in colored rope—I’m not going to lie, I was aroused. The guilt almost made me leave.”

“Why did you feel guilty? It sounds erotic to me. Aren’t we supposed to get excited by things we find erotic?”

He didn’t want to go into that, so he pressed forward in his story. “Yeah, well, I asked Toshi to teach me to be an artist like him, to show me how to tie the ropes into designs that accentuated every line of the human form. He said in order to understand the art form, I first had to be a subject. He told me to strip off my clothes and allow him to bind me.”

Dawn squirmed again. When her hand lightly touched his bare knee, he gasped. He should have skipped this part of the story, he realized too late. That first experience with bondage had been one of the most intense emotional and sexual experiences of his life.

“Did you go through with it?” she asked.

“Yeah. I was scared to death. With each knot Toshi tied, I became more tense, more afraid, more aroused. When he was finished, I was aware of every inch of my body. I was completely helpless. I thought he might force me to have sex—thought I’d be okay with it even though I’d promised Sara. But once he had me bound, he whispered, ‘Now, you are free, my student,’ and then he sat beside me with one hand between my shoulder blades while I fought the rope. Not physically. I couldn’t move if I’d wanted to. But mentally I raged against my restraints for a really long time.”

“What did he mean you are free?”

“I didn’t understand until I stopped fighting against the bonds. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually I gave the ropes control, and then I understood what he meant. By giving up control, I became free.”

“That doesn’t make sense at all,” she said.

“It won’t unless you experience it for yourself.”

“Do you do the rope thing now? What did you call it?”

“Shibari. I haven’t been practicing much recently. For about three years, it was an outlet for me. I enjoyed tying women, but I only did it when Owen was with me. I’m not sure I trusted myself to be alone with a woman. They tend to beg for sex after I tie them, and I wasn’t willing to take it that far. Owen had no problem with that aspect. He’d have sex with them if they wanted it and eventually he started helping with the bondage too.”

“So you and Owen tied women up and then he had sex with them?”

“Not always. We left that decision to the woman.”

“But you didn’t do anything sexual with them?”

He took a deep breath. “I would usually…” He coughed. Wow, was he really going to tell her this? “…perform oral sex on them.”

Her breath caught, and she squirmed again.

“But I never penetrated them, never allowed them to touch my cock in any way. No blow jobs. Nothing.”

“You had to have been miserable.”

“I would have been, but Owen helped me out.” His stomach clenched. What must this woman think of him?

“How?” she asked.

“Hand jobs.”

“Oh, but no sex?”

“Isn’t it all sex?” he said. “That’s why I’m so confused. Sara was gone before I was introduced to Shibari, so somehow I convinced myself that it was okay. She didn’t like oral sex—”

“I like it,” Dawn blurted.

A long silence hung awkwardly between them, and he prayed for a bolt of lightning to light her features so he could see her expression.

“I mean if the guy knows what he’s doing,” she said. “Maybe she didn’t like it because you’re not good at it.”

Kellen chuckled. “Trust me, I’m good at it. She was a bit timid in bed.” Kellen rubbed the back of his neck. “That kind of deep intimacy embarrassed her, so she didn’t want me making out with her pussy for hours on end.”

“Dear lord,” Dawn whispered.

“So I convinced myself that oral sex didn’t go against my oath to her.”

“Thank God.”

Kellen chuckled at Dawn’s little asides. “And though I told her I’d never let a woman touch my cock, I never said anything about a man touching it. So I used Owen to get me off because I felt comfortable enough with him to let him touch me. The thought of any other man anywhere near my cock makes me ill, but Owen is different for some reason, and that’s the part I don’t understand. Why am I okay with him touching me?”

“Do you love him?”

“He’s my best friend.”

“So, yeah, you love him.”

It wasn’t as simple as that. “But not romantically.”

“Are you sexually attracted to him or not?” Neither judgmental nor accusatory, her tone was simply inquisitive.

Kellen tried to sort through the jumbled feelings he had for Owen. He was so glad that Dawn was letting him air his filthy laundry without judgment. He’d needed to talk to someone about this for years. He couldn’t discuss it with Owen when he really didn’t understand what was going on in his head, and he obviously didn’t want the rest of the band to know what went on between him and Owen behind closed doors, so he couldn’t talk to Jacob or Gabe or Adam either. Dawn couldn’t possibly understand how much she was doing for him by just listening and forcing him to face reality.

“I don’t look at him and think, damn, I want to fuck him unconscious. It’s more like, please, will someone touch me there? I can’t stand this anymore. So Owen’s handy. Literally.” Kellen’s stomach sank as realization hit him. “Shit, I’m just using him, aren’t I?” His elbows hit the piano keys as he dropped his face into his hands. “How could I do that to him? He must be as confused about this as I am.”

“Do you look at me and think, damn, I want to fuck her unconscious?” Dawn said.

Kellen’s back stiffened, drawing him away from the keyboard as he thought about the way she looked in that loose, shapeless white dress. How she smelled of honeysuckle and the sea. The sound of her voice and the music she so easily drew from the piano before him. He knew he was in trouble when he imagined how she’d taste—as delicious as her sweet, vanilla French toast—and how her supple flesh would feel beneath his hands. Warm. Soft. Smooth. He could almost feel her writhing beneath him as he claimed her with slow, deep thrusts. His cock throbbed and his balls ached with an unbearable fullness. What he wouldn’t give to be able to bury himself inside her. But he couldn’t.

He took a shaky breath and held it deep in his lungs, willing his lust to dissipate.

Torture. This was fucking torture.

“Yes,” he groaned. “That’s exactly what I think when I look at you.” He clenched both fists and rested them on either knee to keep himself from reaching for her. “But I can’t.”

The storm seemed to grow louder as their conversation lulled. He’d never been more tempted to go back on his promises to Sara. He had to leave this house. His convictions were strong, but his flesh grew weaker each moment he was in Dawn’s company.

“Could you tie me?” she asked quietly.

He tensed and scrambled from the bench, stubbing his toe on the piano leg. Pain shot up his foot and shin, and he welcomed the diversion. She was already a work of art. How beautiful would she look with knots and ropes drawing attention to her graceful lines and soft curves?

Kellen licked his lips and swallowed hard despite the sudden dryness in his mouth.

“I’m going to go,” Kellen said.

Lightning flashed in quick succession. Thunder made the house shudder. The wind howled, slashing the torrential rain against the windows in sheets.

“You can’t go out in that,” Dawn said. So matter of fact. So Dawn.

A gentle ping sounded on the piano as she found the keys in the darkness and began to play his song. Funny how he thought of it as his song. He wished Dawn could be his too.

He pressed the hard ridge of his cock against his thigh with one hand and closed his eyes, completely giving himself to the melody, even if he wasn’t quite ready to give himself over to the woman.

Chapter Six

Dawn tried to get lost in her music. Tried, but failed. She was so aware of Kellen standing in the dark several feet behind her right shoulder that he might as well have been plastered to her back. She wanted to feel that enormous bulge in his shorts pressing into her spine as he stood behind her. She’d give anything for those strong, masculine hands to reach around her to cup her breasts. For his thumbs to rub the unbearable ache from her stiff nipples. She squirmed on the bench, trying to alleviate some of the matching ache in the swollen flesh between her thighs.

Now that she knew the pieces of the entire song, Dawn needed to write it down so she could scan it and fax it to her agent in the morning. Unfortunately, it was too dark to see score paper and if the lights came on, she feared Kellen would find a good excuse to leave. Even if he refused to give in to her lame attempts at seduction, she didn't want him to go. She found his company inspiring. His interactions with his friend Owen seemed a little odd, but the way he described Shibari—which she'd never heard of before—had her squirming on the bench again. She was squirming so often that Kellen probably thought she had to pee. But her urgency was caused by something else entirely.

As she progressed through the music, she reached the second stanza, the one that had taken on the cadence of the ocean. Of sex.

Kellen released a sensual sigh, and it took every shred of willpower she possessed not to tackle him to the ground, straddle him, and show him the rhythm of her body. She'd never been with a musician before. She'd lusted after Pierre and imagined him making love to her—taking her virginity—but nothing had ever come of that infatuation. Not one of her few lovers had possessed the soul of an artist. Was that why she was so uncharacteristically fast around Kellen? Was it the spiritual connection between the musical part of their beings that made her want him at any cost, or was it just because he was so damned easy on the eyes?

No, it had to be more than that. She felt him. Even in the dark, she was under his spell, so it couldn't be only his looks.

So how did she get him to move beyond the dead woman who'd been lucky enough to win his heart? She didn't care if Kellen broke his vow to what’s-her-name; his fidelity ran so deep it was a liability. But she did care if her come-ons hurt him. She didn't want to hurt him. She wanted to get lost in him. She wanted him to show her his rope-tying art and how letting go of her control to him could be freeing. She wanted to know all of him—good and bad, spiritual and physical. She wanted him.

So if she had to squirm around on this bench unfulfilled all night, she'd do it. The worst he could do was leave her here alone.

When she reached the end of the piece, she allowed the last note to ring. This was her best work, she decided. Like the melody that had won the Grammy, this composition rang true, as if the notes had always been inside her and had just been looking for an outlet. Kellen had drawn them from her subconscious. She didn't know if he realized his influence.

"Thanks for helping me with the song," she said quietly.

“Is it finished?”

“Mostly.” A bit of that old anxiety twisted in the pit of her stomach. Maybe it wasn’t as good as she thought it was. “Does it sound incomplete?”

"It's perfect," he said breathlessly.

She breathed a sigh of relief. Perfect. That’s what she’d been going for. "I don't think I could have done it without you. Do you want me to give you credit as cowriter?"

"No," he said. "I didn't do anything but listen."

And apparently that was exactly what she’d needed. His presence had helped. The undeniable sexual attraction she felt for him had reached deep inside her and unleashed a daring and incredibly sensual force within her—one she had never recognized existed, but welcomed.

"Dawn," Kellen whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any rope? Something soft that won't damage your skin."

The surge of moisture between her legs was accompanied by a soft moan. Was he really going to tie her?

"There's a decorative rope along the banister around the upstairs loft," she said. "It has seashells and little red starfish hanging from it, but they’ll come off easily. Will that work?"

"It will have to."

Dawn stumbled as she rose from the piano bench. "I'll get some candles. You get the rope. My bedroom is at the top of the stairs on the right. I’ll meet you there."

"Not on your bed," he said. "On the piano."

Dawn’s womb clenched and her mouth dropped open. A piano didn't sound like the most comfortable place to be tied up or tied down—she still wasn't positive what tying entailed—but it sounded sexy as hell. She bit her lip and nodded, not sure if he could see the gesture in the dark, but if she spoke, she was certain any words would come out as one long moan of longing. Days spent imagining her piano teacher making love to her on the lid of her daddy’s baby grand hadn’t prepared her for the impact of those three words—on the piano—spoken from Kellen’s lips. Like every woman, she’d lusted after men, but not like this. Not with body and mind. Not to this degree. This was completely new for her, and the strength of it made her quiver in places she didn’t know could move on their own accord.

She bumped into him as she attempted to find the kitchen. He caught—and held—her loosely by both arms. She felt his body heat, but he didn’t drag her against him the way she wished he would. He didn’t kiss her. He didn’t grab her ass to crush her mound against his erection. Oh God, why wasn’t he doing any of those things? All of those things?

Oh, please, Kellen.

“Are you sure about this?” he said, close to her ear.

If he hadn’t been holding her arms, she probably would have sunk to the floor.

“Does it hurt?” she heard herself ask. Did she care? Some part of her did, apparently, but the primal part of her that he’d awakened didn’t give a fig if she felt discomfort.

“Not at all,” he said. “Being bound is a physical experience, but it affects most people psychologically as well. Being helpless will probably push you out of your comfort zone. If you’re not sure you want to do this, you need to say so now. If you back out once I get started, I’m not sure I’ll survive. I need to see my work finished. This has become a spiritual ritual for me. It’s… it’s hard to explain. I will stop if you make me, but I’d rather not start if you have reservations.”

She wanted to understand his words by experiencing his spiritual ritual for herself. “I’m sure. I don’t have reservations.”

He drew her against him at long last and gave her a friendly hug. “Thank you,” he whispered.

She melted against him, pressing her palms against his back to draw him closer. She wanted more than a friendly embrace. She wanted some heat. Passion. She sensed it in him. How did she unleash it? She turned her face into his neck and couldn’t resist rubbing her lips against his flesh.

He dropped his arms and pulled away. “I’ll go find that rope,” he said. A brief flash of lightning showed his retreating back and then he was gone again.

Was she really throwing herself so willingly at this guy?

A side table scraped against the floor several feet away. “Damn it,” Kellen cursed. “I’m not sure if my toes are going to make it through the night.”

Yeah, she was totally throwing herself at this guy. She hoped to God that he planned to catch her.

She smiled and turned to shuffle carefully in the direction of the kitchen for those candles. Maybe they’d save Kellen’s toes from utter destruction.

Dawn located several pillar candles and the lighter for the grill and hurried back to the family room. She set the candles on a nearby side table—probably the same one that Kellen’s toe had become acquainted with—and lit all three candles. She placed the nearby lamp on the floor and glanced up at the banister that ran the periphery of the second floor loft. The whimsical rope garland that had charmed her the first time she’d glimpsed it now made her shudder with longing. The candles gave off just enough light for her to see Kellen’s hands freeing the long lengths of blue and tan rope. He was none too gentle with the seashells that had hung from the ropes. Several of them rained down from above.

“Almost got it,” he said after a moment.

She couldn’t see him well, but she imagined he had a perfect view of her standing below the loft, gawking up at him. She was so anxious to get started that a cadence of hurry, hurry, hurry began to sound in her head. Not wanting to appear as desperate as she felt, she grabbed a sheet of score paper and sat at the piano to write down the notes of the now completed composition. Her current favorite because it so reminded her of Kellen and all the things she wished he would do to her. If not tonight, then sometime in the near future.

Using a pencil, she marked the notes quickly, the melody filtering through her head as surely as if she’d been playing it aloud. She’d make the piece look pretty before she sent it off, but she had to get it down. The familiar task calmed her and ate away the time that she’d have spent pacing while she waited for Kellen.

She didn’t realize he was standing behind her until she heard a clink against the floor. She glanced over her shoulder. He was watching her with a look somewhere between fascination and terror.

She tossed her pencil aside and collected the score sheets into a haphazard pile. He seemed to be having second thoughts, but she wasn’t going to let him change his mind. She should have gone up to help him with the rope so he didn’t have time to think of that other woman—Sara.

“Sorry, I interrupted,” he said. “If you need to work, I’ll—”

“No.” She cut him off before he could say leave. She knew that’s what he was going to say, and she wouldn’t let him. “I was just passing the time while I waited for you.”

She stood from the piano bench and leaned over to remove the prop that held the baby grand’s lid open. She carefully lowered the lid and slid her hands over the smooth surface. Her heart was thudding like a jackhammer, but she wasn’t going to chicken out. She always worried about doing the wrong thing, about appearances, about disappointing someone, but tonight she was doing what she wanted to do. For once, she’d forget about the pressures of the outside world and allow this man to set her free by binding her body. She still wasn’t sure what that meant, but she trusted that he was going to show her.

She again turned to him and found him clutching the long coils of rope in front of his crotch. She hoped that meant he was hiding another erection, though he couldn’t possibly be as aroused by her as she was by him.

“Will those ropes work?” she asked, nodding toward his crotch.

“They’re surprisingly soft and supple. Exactly the kind of rope I’d have selected for your first time. It’s almost like…”

“Destiny,” she said.

He smiled and leaned back against the piano for support. “Except I would have chosen a green rope instead of blue, to match the pretty flecks in your hazel eyes.”

He’d noticed her eye color? She loved that he’d been paying that much attention to detail. It meant he was interested. Didn’t it?

“Blue for the ocean,” she said. “Like our song.” She stiffened suddenly. “That’s it.”

“That’s what?”

“The name of our song. Blue. I’ll call it Blue.”

“Doesn’t blue usually mean sad?” he said. “That song is joyous, not blue. It made me feel happier than I’ve felt in five years.”

Her breath caught, and she felt a strange prickling behind her eyes. Her work had touched him that deeply? “It did?”

He nodded.

“What would you call it?” she asked him.

“Dawn.”

“Yes?”

“No, that’s what I’d call it. Dawn.”

She grinned. “Kind of narcissistic to name a song after yourself, isn’t it?”

“But it’s like dawn. A beautiful departure from darkness. The end of the inky night sky. The awakening of light that turns the sky blue again. The beginning of a new day.”

Though her tummy was a jumble of butterflies, she couldn’t tear her gaze from his. She knew he wasn’t just saying strings of pretty words to woo her—though they were quite effective in that regard—but that he really felt what he was saying. And she realized he felt that way about her. She was his dawn. The end of his darkness.

Or maybe she was just wishful thinking.

“Take off your dress,” he said.

Her mouth dropped open in shock. So maybe he wasn’t as romantic as she thought.

“I mean, if you’re ready to begin,” he said.

She was. She just had whiplash from the speed at which he changed gears.

Dawn unfastened the wide belt at her waist, letting the strap of leather fall to the floor.

She grabbed the skirt of the loose dress and took a deep breath before tugging the entire garment over her head. She tossed it aside, standing before him in her white lace bra and panties.

The heat of his gaze made her blush, and a powerful shame drew her hands to cover herself as much as possible.

“Don’t hide,” he said. “You’re beautiful.”

She didn’t feel beautiful. She felt awkward. She’d always hated that she was so tall, that her hips were too narrow, her breasts too small, her shoulders too wide.

“Beautiful,” he said again. “I’ve never bound a woman as tall and slender as you,” he said.

She stared at her dress on the floor, willing it to rise up from its puddle and cover her again. She was certain he’d much rather use a more feminine form for his bondage sculpture. Why had she agreed to this?

His legs entered her line of sight, and the rope he’d been holding landed in a tangle on the floor. She choked back a sob when his hand cupped her shoulder and then slowly slid down the length of her arm. She was sorry she was a disappointment. That she wasn’t an ideal specimen for his art. That she wasn’t pretty enough. Wasn’t perfect.

“Can I see your back?” he asked.

She spun around. Annoyed with him. Annoyed with herself. His fingertips traced eight slow paths down her back.

“Your lines are amazing,” he said.

Yeah, her flat as a board, straight as a stick lines.

“So graceful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more perfect body for this.”

Her brow furrowed. Perfect? But didn’t he prefer curves? “Do you think so?” She lowered her hands and looked down at her too white belly and those stupid freckles that decorated her chest.

“Can I start? I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

She nodded, feeling almost proud of her body. How weird was that?

“Just take off your bra and panties and sit up here on the piano for me?”

Whoa. Too fast. “I’d rather leave them on,” she said.

His fingertip traced the top elastic of her panties along her lower back. “I guess I can work them into the design,” he said. “If you’re more comfortable with that.”

She nodded and was surprised when he moved to the side table and blew out all three of the candles.

“What are you doing?”

“I want to do this by feel.”

“By feel?” she squeaked.

“I don’t want to get distracted by your beauty.”

She chuckled. “Okay. That was just cheesy.”

“Just stating facts.”

“You already have me in my underwear and willing to be tied and at your mercy. You can lay off the pick-up lines.”

She felt him move to stand just behind her. His palms slid over her rib cage and down her quivering belly toward her small scrap of lace modesty.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he said. “It’s probably a good idea to leave them on. Your exposed pussy would be far too tempting to resist.”

He cupped her mound and gently squeezed. Her breath stalled as she involuntarily arched against his palm.

“I can feel your heat,” he whispered into her ear. “This doesn’t have to be a sexual experience, you know.”

With Kellen in charge, yes, it did.

“I can’t help it,” she said. “Just being in the same room as you turns me on. How do you expect me to react when you touch me in the dark?”

“Just as long as you realize I’m not going to make love to you. Not because I don’t want to or because you aren’t the most beautiful woman I’ve ever touched, but because I made a promise I’ll never break.”

Dawn scowled. That fucking dead girl again.

“If you want, I will make you come, though,” he whispered. “Give you more orgasms than you can stand.”

So maybe his inability to break a promise wasn’t really a burden after all.

“Do you want that, Dawn? Do you want to come?”

“Y-y-yes.”

His hand slipped into her panties. When his middle finger slipped over her fully engorged clit, her legs buckled. He drew her back against him until his hard cock was prodding her in the ass. She squirmed against him, wanting that big thick shaft buried deep inside her already.

He bit her ear and eased her around the piano until she faced the keyboard.

“Play my song while I make you come for the first time,” he demanded quietly.

As if she could argue with that request.

She fumbled with the keys and didn’t start at the beginning. She started with the second stanza. The one that rose and fell like the waves, like a lover possessing what was hot and achy and swollen and wet just for him.

Kellen stroked her clit with the cadence of the song, rocking slightly against her with each soft and sensual caress. He wasn’t rubbing her to get her off—he was increasing her need to a feverish level. When she reached the final crescendo, he sent her flying. Song forgotten, she clung to the keyboard and cried out with release as her pussy clenched hard on the emptiness between her legs.

Needing more, much more, Dawn bent forward so that the stiff cock that had been scarcely rubbing against her ass was lodged firmly in her cleft. The only thing separating his hard flesh from her slick heat was a pair of lace panties and a thin pair of boxer shorts.

He jerked his hand out of her panties and stepped back, sending the piano bench tumbling backward with a crash.

In the silence that followed, she was only aware of her ragged breathing and his. The intense pleasure began to recede as she slowly regained her bearings. Her release had been fantastic, but hardly satisfying. She wanted more of him. All of him. Inside her.

“I knew I should have bound you before I touched you,” he said. “Do you think I’m made of willpower? You can’t rub up against me like that and expect me to keep my promise to Sara.”

But she didn’t want him to keep his promise to Sara. Dawn wanted to fuck Kellen until she could no longer feel her legs. But he didn’t want her enough to give her what she craved. She should probably feel bad about pressuring him into doing something he wasn’t prepared to do, but she just felt bitter toward a woman who no longer existed except in Kellen’s heart.

“I got caught up in the moment,” she said, which wasn’t a lie. “I didn’t intend to rub up against you. It was involuntary.”

He was quiet for a long moment. She couldn’t imagine what he was thinking. Probably deciding if he should locate his clothes before he fled the house or brave the storm wearing only her boxers. She pushed away from the piano and turned to look at the space where he stood in the darkness.

He sighed. “You’re right. That was my fault.”

Kellen lifted a hand and cupped her jaw in one hand. He traced her lips with his thumb. She could smell her sex on him. Dear lord.

“I’ll make you come harder next time,” he said. “You weren’t quite finished when I pulled away.”

She hadn’t been? News to her. She was just relieved that he seemed to want to continue. Because she definitely wanted to continue, even if he wasn’t willing to give her the deep penetration she craved. Maybe with time and patience he’d be able to make love to her. She was sure he’d be worth the wait.

She turned her face to inhale their commingled scents. “When do you get to finish?”

“I’ll finish myself when I need to.”

She imagined him touching himself, wishing he’d allow her to touch him there.

“Can I watch at least?”

“In the dark?”

“You could light the candles again,” she said.

“I’ll light them after I finish tying you,” he said. “I’m going to want to see how beautiful you look.” His fingertips slid lightly from her jaw, down her throat, stopping just shy of her breast. “And when I come on your skin, I’ll want to see that too.”

And she definitely wanted to see that. The sooner the better.

She hopped up on the closed lid of the piano and planted her feet on the keyboard to give herself a boost backward. Even though she should have been expecting the discordant sound, she jumped at the loud pang of the keys.

She heard the rope scrape across the floor as he bent to retrieve it. The storm had finally abated, and the silence in the house was unsettling. Or maybe she was just more sensitive to sound than usual.

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” he said.

“You didn’t.”

“I can’t tell you how hard it was for me to step back instead of pulling your panties aside and burying myself deep inside you.”

She crossed her legs and wriggled her hips uncomfortably. What would he feel like inside her? Did he make love to a woman gently or fuck her unconscious? Sad that she might never find out. “Kellen, don’t say things like that unless you mean to back them up with action. You aren’t the only one fighting for control here.”

His hands slid up the outside of her thighs. “Open your legs.”

Her legs uncrossed and popped open as if they had minds of their own. He stepped forward to stand between her thighs. She knew he was close, though the only part of him touching her was his hands. He caressed her hips and then her back. When his chest brushed the hardened points of her nipples, she gasped.

He immediately retreated slightly, and she forced herself not to crush her breasts into his chest. His terms. This had to be on his terms. He’d better make it worth her while.

“Lie back,” he whispered close to her ear. “I want to get to know your body.”

She obeyed. The cool piano lid was hard against her back and buttocks, but that mild discomfort was soon forgotten.

Dawn sighed as his hands slid slowly over her skin, bumping over curves, valleys, crests and depressions. No one had ever paid so much attention to her form. She thought it might make her feel self-conscious to be so thoroughly inspected from head to toe, but his attention made her feel beautiful. Appreciated. Cherished.

"I thought I'd have to remind you to relax," Kellen said, his deep voice drawing a shudder of delight from her.

"Did you assume that I was always uptight?" she teased.

His hands slid up her calves and gently kneaded her muscles until they were like warm butter. Her thighs fell open in complete surrender. The only part of her that felt any tension was the emptiness between her thighs. Her pussy clenched against the building ache and even though he'd already warned her that this wouldn't proceed to him making love to her, she wanted it to.

Kellen massaged her ankles and the insteps of both feet. "You're not always uptight?"

"Most of the time, I am," she admitted, "but something about you allows me to let go of my inhibitions."

“That’s exactly what you need to do to fully enjoy this. Let go.”

Letting go was surprisingly easy to do with Kellen in control.

“I’ll try,” she said.

"This will be a bit different for me, doing this all by feel," he said. "I'll be careful, but if anything is rubbing your skin raw or pinching you, you have to promise to tell me where. Usually, I can see any hang-ups in my design, but I'm going in blind here."

Her heart thudded faster as she strained to hear the sounds of the rope running through his hands. When the first loop wrapped around her ankle, she tensed. He tightened it so that she could feel the soft cotton against her skin, but it didn't cut into her flesh.

"Dawn?" he said. "Are you sure you don't want to be naked? Once I get started there will be no way to remove your bra and panties."

But her panties were the only thing keeping her fluids from dripping onto the lid of the piano beneath her.

"Is it better with them off?"

"Do you want release or just pleasure?"

Yes! "Can I have both?"

"I'd like to involve every inch of your body in this." His hand slid up the inside of her thigh, and she nearly shot up off the piano. "I think you'd appreciate a series of knots between your thighs, rubbing against your bare clit, your opening, and your back entrance."

She tried to imagine how she could appreciate knots between her thighs, but came up blank. It sounded downright uncomfortable. "What do you mean, Kellen?"

"I'd rather show you," he said, "but they'll be placed in such a way that minimal squirming should allow you to get off."

It could? What a completely sheltered life she'd been leading.

“If I say yes, will you remove my panties for me?”

He didn’t wait for her to say yes. His fingers slid beneath the elastic at her hips and tugged. He paused so she could lift her bottom and he could pull her panties down over her butt. The piano clanged a protest as her feet pressed into the keys, and he slipped her panties slowly downward. His breath warmed her mound as he breathed deeply.

“You smell amazing,” he whispered, the little gusts of air from his words dancing over her highly sensitized skin.

Her eyes flipped open in surprise when the soft, wet tip of his tongue slipped down between her lips to flick over her clit.

“Mmm,” he murmured.

His tongue traced her inner folds and swirled around her aching opening. Dawn’s back arched off the piano and her hand dove into his hair—so long and silky and still damp from the rain. God yes, kiss me there. She forced his face closer, her legs wrapping around his back to urge him closer still.

He pulled away, almost dragging her off the slick surface of the piano as he untangled himself from her limbs.

“I need to hurry up and tie you so I can feast on that pussy for hours.”

“Why wait? I wasn’t stopping you.” Encouraging him. That’s what she’d been doing.

“It’s too easy for me to lose control of myself when you’re free.”

“If you don’t like me pulling at your hair and digging my feet into your back, I can stop.”

“That’s not the problem,” he said.

“Then why did you move away?”

“Because I do like it. I like it too much. It makes me want to do more than lick this.”

His fingers slid down her seam and slipped inside her.

“It makes me want to fuck it.”

It clenched around his fingers eagerly. Yes.

“I think I’ve changed my mind about being tied,” she said. If it was that easy to make him lose control, then she’d encourage the hell out of him.

“Then I’ll have to leave.”

Damn. That didn’t work. He really was in control here. But she trusted that he would give her what she needed and more. She was still worried that he wouldn’t get what he needed from the experience. Making love should be about give and take, not take and take and take, but if he was willing to give her that much, she supposed she shouldn’t complain.

“I don’t want you to leave,” she said. “I want you to feast on that pussy for hours.”

He emitted a nervous laugh.

“I’d like you to fuck it too, but if you’re not willing to go that far, I’ll try to make do.”

She could hear him taking deep calming breaths through his nose and wondered if she should push him farther. She felt he was at a tipping point and that a little shove would send him falling in her direction. Or might send him away from her forever.

After a moment, he removed the rope from her ankle, pulled her panties free, and slipped the noose around her ankle again, drawing it tight. His hands slid up her leg—altering its angle slightly so that her back and butt were in a more comfortable position on the surface of the piano and her knee in a natural bend. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the sensation of the rope being run up the side of her calf, around the top of her knee and down the other side. The rope pressed into the sole of her foot, and her toes curled under. Why did that feel so good? She sighed in bliss. He leaned away slightly, working the rope—she could hear the fibers scraping against each other. A knot pressed into her instep. She sighed again. If she wriggled her toes slightly, that knot rubbed at a spot on the bottom of her foot that made her nipples pebble with excitement. She had no idea if he’d intentionally put the knot in exactly the right spot, but she was grateful for the stimulation. She’d expected him to tie her spreadeagle to the piano legs, but apparently there was more to this Shibari stuff than simply rendering her helpless.

His secured the rope at her ankle and then ran his hands up the length of her body. He cupped both breasts through her bra, his thumbs tracing the hardened tips.

“Perfect,” he whispered.

“Take it off.” She wanted to feel the pads of his thumbs against her bare nipples.

“Is it pinching you somewhere?” he asked and shifted his hands to her bound leg, carefully running his fingers over the rope and knots he’d fashioned.

“No. I didn’t mean the rope. I meant my bra.”

“Oh.” He chuckled and a pulse of pleasure converged between her thighs. So now even his laugh turned her on? She was a goner.

“Let me bind your other leg first,” he said, “then I’ll have you sit up.”

He left the free end of the rope dangle from her ankle and picked up another piece of rope to bind her other leg. She had some experience with his motions now, so instead of concentrating on where he was putting the rope and tying it and knotting it, she allowed herself to feel how it affected her body. She most enjoyed the knots between her soles and the piano keys where her feet rested, but the tightness of the ropes on her thighs directed her attention to the open and exposed flesh between them. She hoped he’d do something about that soon; she couldn’t close her legs and squirm as she’d been doing since she’d sat beside him at the breakfast bar and then on the piano bench. Even though he’d taken the edge off with that sweet orgasm earlier, she was hopelessly excited again.

When he had her legs secured the way he wanted them, he ran his hands over the ropes as if checking for flaws in his design. “Does that feel okay?” he asked.

“Feels great,” she murmured.

His lips pressed gently against the inside of her thigh. “Your scent is driving me wild. Will you be able to keep your hands to yourself if I steal a small taste?”

“Yes.” She was lying. Even before his tongue slid sensually over her inner folds, her hands were reaching for his thick, glorious hair.

He moved away before she could latch onto his scalp. He slid a hand between her lower back and the piano and eased her into a sitting position.

“Why did you stop?” she asked, her pussy still quivering from the brief feel of his tongue against her flesh.

“I know if I really get into it, I won’t be able to quit.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Do you trust me to make it good for you?”

“Yes.”

“Then let me do my thing. You still haven’t given up control yet.”

She was letting him tie her up on top of a piano. Just how much control did he expect her to relinquish?

He took the dangling rope ends from either knee and wrapped them around her waist, crossed them behind her back. When he pulled the ropes taut, the action pulled her thighs wide open.

“Ow.” She protested the pull on her muscles. She was stretched to her limit.

“Relax,” he said.

Easy for him to say. He wasn’t sitting on the edge of a hard surface with his legs spread wide in a split.

After a moment, her muscles adjusted and she sighed in relief. Forced yoga. That’s what she felt like she was doing. He tugged the ropes another inch, opening her wider still and then tied the two ropes together just under her navel to hold her in that position.

“I don’t stretch that far,” she protested.

“Yes, you do.”

He slid two fingers over her mound, against her clit and to the exposed, dripping-wet opening farther down. “I was going to put knots between your thighs so you could get your pleasure from the rope.” He massaged her entrance with two fingertips, and she tried to close her legs against the invasion, but her bonds prevented it. “I changed my mind,” he said.

“You’re going to leave me all worked up like this?” She would surely die if he did.

“No, I’m going to give you all the pleasure you can handle. A couple of ropes don’t deserve that privilege.”

She wished she could see his expression. Because it was dark, she felt comfortable in being so exposed, but she also felt she was missing out on all the cues he could be giving her.

He shifted and his chest brushed her breasts as he reached behind her to unfasten her bra. Soon her arms would be rendered as helpless as her legs, so she took the opportunity to embrace him. He stiffened but when she did nothing but hold him in her arms, he eventually began to relax. His arms tightened around her, and he just held her like that. His heart thudded hard in his chest, thumping in a rapid staccato against hers. His mouth moved against her hair.

“I shouldn’t,” he said, hugging her closer.

Her hands slid up his back, and she tilted her head, seeking his kiss. His breath warmed her lips. She parted them, her eyes closed, her body completely in tune with his.

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

He released her so abruptly, she almost tumbled from the piano. Her arms shot behind her to help her regain her center of gravity.

He immediately grabbed her to keep her from falling. “Sorry,” he said. “I can’t expect you to trust me with your safety if I put you in harm’s way like that.”

“Fine,” she said, glad it was dark so he couldn’t see how watery her stupid eyes had become. “You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to.”

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” he said. He found her face in the darkness and cupped it between his hands. “I haven’t been alone with a woman since Sara. I didn’t realize how much I needed Owen with me as a spotter.”

The ache in Dawn’s chest lifted, and she laughed. “A spotter? You’re not bench-pressing me, Kellen,” she said. “Just touching me.”

“But there are things a woman expects that I won’t deliver. Kissing, for example. Owen handled that part.”

“I didn’t know, or I wouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s not fair to you. I can’t expect you to abide by my weird little rules.”

“Maybe you should tell me what those rules are, so I’m less likely to break them. I’m trying to understand you, Kellen.”

“Why?”

“Because I like you.”

“Fuck.”

She stiffened, and her temper flared to life. “Sorry you find my affection so revolting.”

“I don’t. I find it wonderful. And tempting. And scary as hell. I like you too. More than anyone before Sara,” he said. “Or since.”

So she was in second place after a dead girl? She supposed it was a start. What would it take to climb to the top? She needed to be first. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not this week or this month. But someday. Someday she wanted to be Kellen’s number one. She just needed to not mess this up before then. Unfortunately, her mouth often spontaneously said things she regretted.

“Do you think Sara would want you to give up love for the rest of your life?”

“Now that she’s gone, I’m sure she wouldn’t care if I got a dog,” he said, “but she was incredibly jealous. She wanted me all to herself. She forced me to promise her all sorts of things and I did. And I meant every last one of those promises.”

“But shouldn’t they have ended when she died?”

“No,” he said. “They should end when I stop loving her.”

Which would be never.

“Now I’m going to have to remind you to relax,” he said.

“Relax?” she sputtered. “How am I supposed to relax?”

He lifted the heavy mass of her hair from one shoulder and gently caressed the bare skin he exposed. “First, you should stop trying to compete with Sara. You’re not her.”

“I’m well aware of that. I’m sure she didn’t have to make sense of your rules and worry that she was going to ask you to do something taboo like kiss.”

“No, I had no rules for her. But she had plenty for me. Rule one: no biting,” he said.

His teeth nipped Dawn’s earlobe. She shuddered and gasped as pleasure licked down the side of her neck. His nose brushed her throat, and she felt the warm moisture of his breath against her skin just before he nipped the side of her neck, her collarbone, her ribcage, belly, mound.

“Another rule: don’t put your mouth there, Kellen.” His tone was as feminine as his deep voice could produce. “It feels weird.”

God, it didn’t feel weird to Dawn. It felt great. He might not have been willing to kiss Dawn on the mouth, but he did one hell of a job kissing her lips.

“I only want to come when you’re inside me, Kellen,” he repeated more of Sara’s words. “Looking in my eyes. Promise you’ll never come inside anyone but me, Kellen. Promise.”

Wow, that woman had his head all sorts of messed up. Dawn supposed most men would have made those kinds of promises to make their woman happy, but doubted they would have taken them to heart the way that Kellen so obviously had.

“Kellen,” Dawn said. “You don’t have to promise me anything. I don’t want you to.”

His only response was to suck her clit into his mouth and stroke it rapidly with his tongue until she exploded with ecstasy against his face. She clung to his hair, rocking her hips involuntarily as she moaned in bliss. After a moment, he dislodged her fingers from his scalp and reached for the rope again. He didn’t speak as he worked, first crisscrossing the rope across her torso and back, around her breasts and over her shoulders. He climbed to sit behind her as he bound her arms together behind her back, starting at the tops and working his way toward her wrists.

Kellen tied knot after knot, as if building an intricate rope ladder between her arms. He spent so much time on each knot that it seemed to take forever. She wished she could see what he was doing back there. What did it look like? She’d never been more conscious of her skin. Her breasts, pussy, and above her neck were the only parts of her body that were not in some way associated with lengths of rope or knots, so she became fixated on those parts, wanting stimulation for those areas too.

“I wish I had more rope,” he said when he moved away at last. “I’d really like to showcase your talented hands.” His teeth sank into a bare spot on the back of her shoulder, and her spine arched involuntarily. She found her movement severely limited by the ropes binding her. “Yet I suppose they’re beautiful enough on their own.”

She felt unbalanced when he slid to the floor and left her teetering, sitting on the edge of the piano lid, her feet and legs bound, but resting on the keys, and her arms tied securely behind her. She leaned back on her hands and felt slightly more balanced. It didn’t help that the darkness was so disorienting.

She heard the strike of the lighter just before a flame broke the darkness as Kellen lit the candles she’d brought from the kitchen. He carried the candles to the far end of the piano, increasing the amount of light near her. He stared at her in the soft yellow glow until her face burned with embarrassment.

“Don’t look at me so intensely,” she said and squeezed her eyes shut.

“I can’t help it. You look just as beautiful as you feel.”

She peeked at him from beneath her lashes as he circled the piano, sometimes touching her skin as if to ensure himself that she was real and other times gazing at her for long patches of time as if she were fine art on display.

“I wish you could see the pattern down your arms,” he said. “I’m not sure how I managed to space the knots so evenly.”

Probably because he’d taken such meticulous care that she’d thought he’d never finish. There wasn’t an inch of play in her arms. She tried to pull them away from her sides and found she was breathing hard for no good reason.

“Easy, baby,” he whispered.

Kellen’s hands were suddenly everywhere, gently caressing her skin until the ropes felt as if they were part of her.

She looked down at her naked body. The candlelight gave a soft glow to her skin. She couldn’t believe how exposed she was. Her legs were wide open. She could feel that they were, but seeing them like that was quite a shock. So that’s what her pussy looked like. She’d seen glimpses of it while grooming, but she’d never stared at it before. Was he staring at it too? She was too timid to find out. She forced her attention to less erotic visions, but discovered that he’d transformed every inch of her body into something visually appealing. Erotic.

Kellen had used the blue rope on her right leg and the tan on her left. The knots were not only used to hold her limbs in a certain orientation, but to decorate. At her waist, the two ropes came together. She wasn’t sure how he’d manage to combine the two colors into a contrasting design of diamonds and small rings when he couldn’t see what he was doing, but it was beautiful. The way the ropes supported her breasts made them jut forward, proud and bare. It was as if he’d showcased them with his rope work, drawing attention to the light pink tips. She turned her head to try to see the work he’d done on her arms, but those knots were out of her field of view. She’d never felt more sexy in her life. Or more trapped.

Her hands were free, so she repeatedly clenched them, and her toes were capable of curling under, but that only managed to remind her of the knot in the instep of her foot which kept her nipples hard for some inexplicable reason.

“You’re shaking,” he said, moving to stand before her. “Don’t fight it.”

“I’m not,” she said breathlessly. She looked at him, strangely not embarrassed that he had an unfettered view of every private part of her body. She felt separate from herself. Like an observer of her own form.

“Not physically fighting it. Mentally.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“How do you feel?”

“Trapped.”

“Are you sure?” He held her gaze, his dark brown eyes intense and deep.

She couldn’t look away. “Actually, it’s more like someone else is trapped and I’m watching her with envy.”

“Are you allowing yourself to feel the ropes, Dawn?”

“I don’t know.” She honestly wasn’t sure what she feeling. She was new to this. What was she supposed to be doing? What was she missing? She tried thinking about the ropes pressed into her flesh, forcing her into a position she would never be able to hold on her own. Keeping her there. Holding her completely stationary. Can’t move. Can’t move. Suddenly, it was as if a fist reached into her chest, squeezed her heart, and robbed her lungs of air.

Kellen stepped between her thighs and held her gently so that her forehead was resting against his shoulder. His hands felt so soothing against her shoulders that she practically melted. “Don’t panic,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

“I’m not sure I like this.”

“Do you want me to release you?”

He’d worked so hard to tie her this way, and she felt a million times better now that he was near. “Not yet. Just hold me a while longer.”

“I probably should have tied you on your bed your first time. You would have felt more secure. More stable. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how sexy you’d look on the surface of your piano.”

“I feel secure as long as you’re close,” she whispered. She angled her face and kissed his neck. He tensed slightly, but didn’t move away. She prayed that this wasn’t one of those triggers that sent him fleeing, because once she started, rubbing her lips against his throat, nibbling, licking, sucking and kissing, she couldn’t stop. If her hands had been free, she’d be plunging them down his boxer shorts right about now. God, she wanted his cock in her hands, her mouth, her wide open pussy. She was suddenly thankful that he’d tied her, so she wouldn’t attack him.

His ragged breathing stirred her hair. His hands went from holding her shoulders to provide comfort to massaging her breasts to provoke excitement. He kneaded them gently in his palms while she desperately sucked on his neck, his shoulder, his collarbone, wishing she could reach more of his flesh. She wanted so much more of him. When he began to rub her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, desire ignited deep inside her. She moaned in torment.

“Find your balance,” he said gently.

She had no idea what he meant until he started to slide down her body and she teetered forward. She leaned back slightly, catching herself on her hands.

Kneeling on the floor between her wide open thighs, Kellen looked up at her as he tied his hair back with a leather strap he’d tugged from beneath the cuff on his right wrist. There was no hesitation at all as he shifted forward and plunged his tongue into her quivering hole. He traced her opening repeatedly, drawing her fluids into his mouth with each swipe. She could see it. She could see everything. When he’d collected most of what she’d had waiting for him, he nibbled his way up one swollen lip and then latched onto her clit with a tight suction. His tongue worked the swollen bud as he sucked and sucked, drawing her higher, higher.

“Oh God,” she cried.

Two long, thick fingers slid deep into her clenching pussy. A third pressed against her ass, but didn’t enter. Her hips bucked involuntarily as she exploded in bliss. As soon as the pleasure began to recede, Kellen began to thrust his fingers and rotate them in wide arcs inside her. She moaned for mercy as he kept her pleasure heightened far longer than she’d even known was possible. When her legs began to tremble from overstimulation, he slipped his fingers free and released her clit so he could slide his fingers into his mouth.

She watched him suck her fluids from his fingers with her mouth hanging open. She’d thought the sight of him between her thighs had been sexy, but that… that made her pussy quake with the tease of another orgasm.

He pulled his fingers free, took a deep breath, and said, “So fucking good,” before he leaned forward and licked desperately at her juices.

He rubbed her clit with two fingers while he sucked at her pussy.

“Give me more, baby,” he pleaded.

When she came a moment later, he moaned with satisfaction at the flood of fluids that met his probing tongue.

Fuck, he was good at this.

He stood abruptly, drawing a gasp of surprise from Dawn. He freed his massive cock from his shorts and began to stroke his length in rapid, hard tugs. She couldn’t decide where to look. At his eyes squeezed shut in bliss? His mouth hanging open as he gasped for air? His heaving chest? Taut abs? His hand tugging his length in rapid, sure strokes? Oh God! Dawn’s pussy clenched in time with his motion. She could almost feel him inside her as he pleasured himself between her thighs. She strained toward him. Fill me. Fill me. Fill me, she thought. He cried out as he erupted. His fluids spurted from his body onto her belly and one breast. A second shot splattered across her thigh. His hand went still.

He leaned against her, his forehead against her shoulder, his shaky breaths warming her chest. She wished her arms were free so she could hold him tight. She nuzzled her face against his neck, and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled his body against hers—chest to breasts, belly to belly, cock to seam. She didn’t move, afraid he’d pull away. His hips began to grind, rubbing the length of his still hard cock against her opening. He moaned as if in agony and his cockhead slipped inside her. Yes, she thought. Please. But she stayed silent, her eyes squeezed shut in preparation for his rejection.

He shifted his hips downward, but instead of pulling away, he pressed up inside her, claiming another inch. She clung to the piano beneath her hands. God, how she wanted to hold him as he slowly entered her in a deepening pattern of retreat and conquer. Her body adjusted to his thickness, stretching to accommodate his girth. When his balls pressed against her and she knew she had all of him, a tear dripped from beneath her eyelid and streaked down her cheek.

He buried his hands in her hair and pressed his lips to her cheek. “Dawn?” he whispered brokenly. “What did I just do?”

She wanted to speak, to soothe him, to say it’s okay, Kellen, it’s okay, but emotion clogged her throat and she couldn’t find the words.

He jerked abruptly away, pulling free of her body, away from her, and she couldn’t cling to him, couldn’t stop him from fleeing into the bathroom and slamming the door. And she couldn’t stop the tears flowing down her cheeks unchecked.

Chapter Seven

Kellen leaned back against the inner surface of the bathroom door, trying to catch his breath. What had he done? Shit. What had he been thinking? He hadn’t been thinking. He’d completely lost control.

It was Dawn’s fault for being so beautiful, so sweet, so warm and wonderful and willing. So absolutely amazing and accepting and so… not Sara.

He slammed his fist into the wall, relishing the pain that snaked through his knuckles and up his arm.

He could still taste Dawn’s juices, still smell the musk of her sex, still feel her warm, soft heat sheathing his cock.

How could have done that? Just entered her like that? Promises to Sara aside, he hadn’t even been wearing a condom.

He approached the sink, fumbling in the dark until he found the faucet. He turned on the water and cupped his hand to draw several sips to his mouth.

His promise to Sara echoed through his head. Never, honey. I promise I’ll never come inside another woman. You’re my one and only forever.

Technically, he hadn’t come inside Dawn. He’d entered her after he’d spent himself all over her.

He banged the wall again.

What in the fuck am I doing? Qualifying my actions so I can tolerate the guilt again? He called bullshit on himself. First he had convinced himself that Shibari was okay because he’d never tied Sara, then performing oral was acceptable because Sara didn’t enjoy that particular act, then it was fine if Owen was the one touching him and making him come because Owen wasn’t a woman, and now Kellen was trying to convince himself he could enter a woman, just as long as doing so wasn’t his reason for ejaculating. Hey, Sara, how’s my promise to you looking now? I failed you again.

He had to go back to Dawn. He couldn’t leave her tied like that without supervision. She could easily lose her balance and take a fall from the piano. But how could he face her after using her body so selfishly and then hiding in the bathroom as if he wasn’t utterly lost in her?

Dawn was so sweet. So perfect. He’d been completely absorbed in her—her taste, her scent, the sound of her sighs and moans, the texture of her skin, her warmth, her exquisite beauty. When he’d claimed her body, he’d been seeking something more than pleasure. He’d wanted to be closer to her. He’d wanted to be deep inside—not just physically, but emotionally. And he knew that was a far worse form of infidelity than a round of meaningless sex. His main problem was that he had a hard time ever having meaningless sex. He chose his partners carefully for that reason. He had to have a deeper connection than lust with a woman to make love to her. Fooling around was one thing, but being inside a woman was spiritual to him. It touched far more than his body.

After Sara, every woman he’d been attracted to had drawn him because she reminded him of his lost love in some way. He’d been looking to replace what he’d lost. He knew that. It was sick and twisted and wrong.

And now there was Dawn. Dawn who was nothing like Sara. Yet being with her felt right. Why?

He heard a thump outside the bathroom, and his heart leapt. He tore open the door and rushed to Dawn’s side. He was completely unprepared for what he found.

Dawn wasn’t in any harm, but she’d managed to lie across the piano on one side, her arms still tied securely behind her. She was weeping silently, tears streaming down her face to pool on the shiny black surface beneath her. Deep red strands of curls spread out over her nude body and trailed out behind her, draping her piano.

“Are you in pain?” he asked. “Where does it hurt, Dawn?”

“My heart,” she sobbed.

Was she experiencing cardiac arrest? An extreme panic attack? He’d heard that sometimes a panic attack felt like a heart attack. Being the self-absorbed asshole that he was, he’d forgotten that she’d been freaked-out about being tied unless he was close. He had to get her free as soon as possible. There wasn’t time for him to slowly untie each knot.

He grabbed a candle and hurried to the kitchen. He found a knife in a butcher block and returned to Dawn.

She gasped when she saw him standing over her with a huge knife. There he went scaring her again.

“I’m not going to stab you with it,” he said.

He sawed through each knot holding her arms together, starting at her wrists and working his way upward toward her shoulder blades. When the last knot came free, she surprised him by knocking the blade aside and wrapping both arms around his neck. Her muscles were trembling with fatigue, but she held on to him with surprising strength.

“I hate her,” she sobbed. “I hate her for taking so much of you. I hate her for meeting you first. I hate her fucking guts.”

“Easy,” he said, allowing himself to hold her gently. “I’m sorry I left you by yourself. You shouldn’t have been left unsupervised.” It was the first rule of bondage. “Something bad could have happened to you. I’m so glad you’re not hurt. I would have never forgiven myself.”

“But I do hurt, Kellen,” she said. “I hurt so bad… for you.”

He leaned back and brushed strands of hair from her tear-damp cheeks. He got lost in her very watery hazel eyes. “Is that why you’re crying? For me?”

She nodded. “I wish your heart was free, Kellen. I wish that for me, but I wish it for you even more.”

“I should have nev—”

She covered his lips with two fingertips. “Don’t say you regret it, Kellen. I couldn’t bare it. When you were inside me…” Several tears dripped down her smooth cheeks. “It was beautiful.”

He didn’t regret being inside her. He felt a crippling guilt, but strangely the guilt was worth the connection he couldn’t deny he’d felt. That moment of emotional bonding might not be worth it when Dawn was no longer pressed against his body, holding him close, staring up at him with something he feared was adoration, but in this moment, the guilt was minor in comparison to the joy he felt in just holding this woman.

“I won’t say it,” he whispered. “I won’t say it because it’s not true. Being inside you felt… right.”

She caught his face between her palms, her gaze trained on his mouth. “I’m going to kiss you now,” she said. “And don’t you dare think of her when I do it.”

“Dawn.” He meant to speak her name as a protest, but it was more of a plea.

“Shh. It’s just a kiss.”

Just a kiss.

Her lips brushed his gently, and she immediately shifted away to stare into his eyes again. He saw her concern for him and while it touched his heart, it wasn’t necessary.

“That wasn’t a kiss,” he said.

Her brows drew together. “It wasn’t?”

He claimed her mouth with his—seeking, rough, deep, passionate, oh so intimate kisses. When her lips parted and her timid tongue brushed his lip, he felt as if a dam burst inside him and a tidal wave he had no hope of fighting slammed him against Dawn’s glory, melding them into one. Once he started kissing her, he couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to stop. He never wanted to stop. Lust stirred in his groin, but for once it wasn’t accompanied by guilt, just need. He needed this, needed her—Dawn. He was certain he’d feel differently in the morning, but he didn’t care about the aftermath or the fallout. He only cared about the here and now. He didn’t want her tied to prevent her from touching him, from encouraging his lust, and fueling his desire. He wanted her completely free, so she could continue to help free his heart from the bonds of his past.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from her delightful mouth and stared down into her eyes. He tucked a finger under her chin and traced her full, lower lip with his thumb. “Would you be overly offended if I said I want to fuck you until dawn?”

She smiled, and he was glad to say goodbye to the emotional knot that had been squeezing his throat. He didn’t want his time with her spoiled with all the baggage that dragged him down. He wanted the same joy her music had given him to accompany their joining, and her looking at him as if he was a charity case wasn’t what he needed or wanted from her. He knew her light would chase away his darkness—maybe only for a single night, but he’d worry about that later.

“Offended?” she said. “I don’t think that’s the right word for what I’m feeling right now.”

“What are you feeling?” He palmed her breast, his fingertips tracing the rope that still crisscrossed her chest.

“Inspired,” she said.

His eyebrows shot up. “You want to write music? Now?”

She shook her head. “I’ll show how inspired I am by you, if you’ll let me.”

“Allow me to untie you and you can show me anything you like.”

Kellen unwound what was left of the ropes from Dawn’s shoulders. He took his time, not because he didn’t feel an urgency to possess her, but because he wanted this to last for as long as possible. As he removed the ropes, he massaged and kissed her pale skin, making sure each freckle was given proper attention.

Her fingertips clung to his shoulders as he slowly made his way down her chest. When his lips rubbed over her nipple, she sighed, and then she moaned when his tongue flicked out to trace the hardened bud. He suckled her, his hand gently kneading her soft flesh. It was as if her breasts had been molded specifically to fill his palms.

“Kellen.”

He loosened more ropes and lavished her other breast with attention. Adoration.

Her hands began to explore his shoulders, roam his chest, thread through his hair. It felt so good to be touched. He fought the urge to hurry in untying her legs so she’d wrap them around him. Imagining her heels pressed into the backs of his thighs, her calves hugging his ass, had him fumbling with the ropes at her waist. He didn’t give her belly half the attention it deserved as he hurriedly untied the knots surrounding her belly button. He made his way lower, lower, until her pussy was too close to resist. He devoured her, teasing her clit with rapid flicks of his tongue until she was moaning and dripping fluids. Damn, she tasted good as he dipped his tongue into her opening and swirled it around again and again to collect every drop of her arousal.

Her hands held the back of his head as he lost himself in her scent, her taste, but her legs were still tied wide open, and he wanted them around him, pulling him into her. He wanted her free when he took her, and his rigid cock was throbbing, demanding entry into her slick warmth.

Crouched between her thighs, he leaned back and peered up at her, waiting for her eyelids to flutter open before he spoke.

“Do you have any condoms?” He had some in his wallet—Owen’s back-up stash of all things—which was out in the glovebox of his rental car, but he’d rather not have to go out there to find them if it wasn’t necessary.

“In my purse,” she said and then she chuckled. “They’ve been in there a while. They might be expired.”

“Where’s your purse?”

“Finish untying me and I’ll get them,” she said.

“But I’m not sure I can wait that long.”

“Then cut the ropes. Not that I’m not enjoying all this attention. It’s just the longer you take, the more inspired I feel.”

He still wasn’t sure what she meant by being inspired, but he knew in order to find out, he was going to have to free her legs. He hesitated only because he knew that once she was free, there was no turning back. He wouldn’t be able to stop even if his conscience was calling him every kind of cheater. A lecher. A weak man without principles.

He found the knife on the floor and carefully used it to cut the ropes from her thighs, then at the knee, and finally each ankle. She stretched her legs out in front of her, and he rubbed her hips to help her regain full mobility.

“Okay?” he asked.

“Better than okay.” She scooted forward and wrapped both arms and legs around him to hold him close. “Perfect.”

She kissed his jaw, his neck. He fought the instinct to deny himself pleasure—he’d been denying it for so long that enjoying it, seeking pleasure, felt foreign. Foreign and wonderful.

“But I think we can improve on perfect,” she whispered.

Her lips trailed over his collarbones, her hands roamed his back, and her legs tightened around his hips, forcing his cock against the heat between her thighs. He needed that condom like yesterday.

“Dawn?”

“Hmm?” she murmured, nibbling a delightful trail around one of his nipples.

“I could really use that condom right about now.”

She looked far too devious for comfort when she lifted her gaze to his. “I’ll go get them. You climb up here on the piano and wait for me.”

“But—” But he’d wanted her on the piano while he stood between her thighs and plunged into her.

“I want to show you how you’ve inspired me.”

And he did want to experience that, even if it meant he had to wait a while longer to possess her.

He helped her down from the piano, unable to keep his eyes off her gorgeous ass as she hurried toward the kitchen. She’d looked amazing all bound in ropes, but she looked even more beautiful without a single adornment impeding his view of her smooth, white skin. He completely forgot to climb up on the piano until she was headed back in his direction with something in her hand.

He put his back to the piano and was about to do a triceps curl to hoist himself up, when she waved one hand.

“Wait,” she said. “I see a problem.”

He glanced around in confusion. She approached him and hooked her fingers in his borrowed boxer shorts.

“You won’t be needing these.”

She tugged his shorts down and jerked back unexpectedly when his cock sprang free in her face. She chuckled. “Whoa, big guy. Are you trying to black my eye?”

“That wasn’t its target, no.”

She laughed and helped him remove his shorts entirely. Then she stood and patted the surface of the piano lid.

“Up here,” she said.

Who was he to argue with her inspiration? He propelled himself upward to sit on the piano, and she nibbled on her lip as she stared at him.

“Open your legs.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. That’s the kind of thing he was supposed to say to her.

“Do I have to tie you?” she asked.

He chuckled. “Not this time, but I’d love to show you a few knots.”

He did as she instructed and watched her—completely intrigued and entranced—as she bent over him. The feel of her tongue tracing the crease between his balls made him jerk upright.

“Dawn?”

“Don’t interrupt,” she said. “It’s your turn to be driven mad by someone’s mouth.”

He groaned in bliss as she suckled his sac.

He watched her kiss and lick and use her lips to massage his most sensitive skin until he couldn’t handle the sight of her giving him so much pleasure. He squeezed his eyes shut and allowed himself to feel the heat and moisture of her mouth, the heaviness of his balls, the unbearable throb pulsing down the length of his cock. He shifted slightly so he could bury both hands in the thick lustrous mass of her hair. He coaxed her head toward his cock, slowly, as if she wouldn’t notice. She nibbled, kissed, and suckled the flesh all around the base of his shaft, but no amount of tugging on her hair convinced her to take his tip into her mouth.

“Dawn,” he pleaded when he couldn’t stand the ache in his groin another moment. She gave his balls a thorough licking and then blew cooling breaths over the damp surface. He was trembling so hard he feared he’d collapse.

She paused in her exquisite torture, and he pried his eyes open to look down at her. She smiled reassuringly and reached for one of the candles burning nearby. His eyes widened when she blew out the flame and tipped the candle over his body until wax dribbled onto his belly. His abs contracted involuntarily as she drew a trail in wax from his belly button down, down toward his cock.

“Wait!” he cried. While a little molten heat on his belly was exciting, there were areas that he’d rather she didn’t burn with wax.

“Shh,” she said. “I trusted you completely. You owe me the same courtesy.”

Yeah, but he’d known what he was doing. He’d never have hurt her in any way.

But she hadn’t known that. She had placed her complete trust in him. He cringed, prepared to breathe through the pain as the hot, slow trickle of wax got closer and closer to his cock. Less than an inch shy of his throbbing shaft, she righted the candle and blew a soothing breath over the hardening wax. She started at his belly again and trickled another line of wax parallel to the first, again slowly moving toward his cock. He held his breath as the hot trail burned closer and closer to her target. Surely this time she’d… But no, she started another new trail on his belly. When she ran out of wax, she reached for a second candle. When her lips pursed to blow out the flame, he groaned. Dear lord, she was sensual. She smiled when her fourth trail of wax caused a bead of pre-cum to seep from the opening at the tip of his cock.

“Is this turning you on?” she asked, her voice low.

His answer was a groan of torment. If she didn’t touch his dick soon, he was going to die. The fifth line of hot wax had him sucking air between his teeth and his cock jerking with over excitement. A bead of moisture dripped from the rim of his cock head, and she caught it with her tongue, looking at him with those incredible eyes as she rubbed the small drop of fluid against her upper lip.

“Do you want me?” she asked, reaching for one of two condom packages resting near his hip.

His stomach ached, he was so turned on, but he couldn’t find the mental capacity to even nod. She tore the package open and removed the circle of cream-colored latex. He shuddered as her hand wrapped around his thick, hard-as-granite shaft. She directed his head into her mouth and the pleasure caused his arms to give out. The back of his head thumped against the piano lid, but he didn’t care. All he could focus on was the bliss Dawn’s mouth gifted him.

“Oh God, baby,” he moaned.

He groaned in misery when he fell free of his mouth. She rolled the condom down his length and then stepped away. His eyes flipped open when the piano keys pinged discordantly. She climbed onto the lid of the piano with him and placed a hand on his hip to coax him toward the center of the piano. Lying on his back on her beloved instrument, he felt panic seize his heart. What was he doing?

She straddled his hips, staring into his eyes, her glorious red hair surrounding her shoulders like a shimmering cloak. She held his gaze as she reached between her legs, grasped his cock, and rubbed its tip against her opening.

He squeezed his eyes closed. His stomach was in knots. He could scarcely breathe.

“Look at me, Kellen,” she said gently. “It’ll be okay.”

He opened his eyes, focused on Dawn’s face, her eyes, and a bit of the panic receded. He slipped inside her, and she moved her hand so she could take him inch by glorious inch. When he was buried deep, her eyes drifted closed.

“I feel you, Kellen,” she whispered. “Inside my body. Inside my soul. I feel you.”

“Yes,” he said breathlessly, not sure why his heart was thudding so hard or why his eyes were stinging with threatening tears.

She began to rise and fall over him, churning her hips to increase her stimulation and drive him deeper. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she gave his body unparalleled pleasure. He wasn’t sure if it was because she’d gotten him so excited beforehand, but sex had never felt so good. Maybe his memory was just iffy because it had been so long, but he didn’t think so. Dawn just felt good, felt right. Felt safe and warm, exciting and soothing, all at once.

He lifted his hands to massage her breasts as she made love to him. When she began to croon as her orgasm approached, he shifted the palm of his hand to her lower belly and massaged her soft mound with his thumb.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Almost, Kellen.”

Her motions became exaggerated as she sought orgasm. His thumb slipped into the cleft between her swollen lips and rubbed her clit. Her back arched and she cried out, her thighs trembling and her pussy clenching around him as she shattered.

He struggled into a seated position and ran both hands over her smooth back, bending to kiss her throat, her jaw, her lips. She rubbed her breasts against his chest as her arms went around him to hold him close. She dropped her head to his shoulder and took a deep breath.

“I knew you’d be perfect,” she said. “Inside me. Perfect.”

They clung to each other for a long moment. Kellen’s cock began to protest the stillness between them.

He rolled her onto her back, maintaining the connection between their bodies. Her grip loosened just enough for him to thrust.

Ah God, she felt good. He couldn’t get enough. He wanted to plunge into her tight pussy for hours.

He could hear himself chanting her name, feel the tightening in his balls as orgasm approached, but it was almost as if it was happening to someone else. He pumped his hips harder and faster. Taking her. Taking her. Harder and harder. Scooting her along the piano lid until the back of her head dropped off the far edge. She’d been making love to him, he’d felt her in every particle of his being, but he was fucking her and it was hardly as satisfying. He paused to catch his breath and find his bearings. He looked down to find her watching him. The single candle still burning made her eyes sparkle.

“Are you okay?” she asked, touching his cheek with one hand. “Why did you stop?”

He didn’t think he could speak, so he kissed her gently. Every nerve ending in his body seemed to be on edge. Still kissing her, he cradled the back of her head in one hand and by inching downward and drawing her down to meet him, eased her into a less perilous position on the piano. Once he’d regained a little sense, he said, “Sorry I lost control like that. I’ll take it slower.”

“I don’t mind it rough, if that’s what you like.”

But he didn’t like it fast and rough as much as he liked it slow and tender. He knew he hadn’t been fucking her as hard as possible because it felt good—he’d been hammering himself into Dawn because Sara never allowed him to fuck her hard like that and he was still struggling with the reality of what he was doing. Enjoying Dawn bothered him. Not enough to make him stop, but enough to get in the way of what he truly desired. He was finally making progress, but he was a long way from being free enough to give Dawn the care and affection she deserved. If she hadn’t been so understanding and patient, he’d have probably already left out of guilt.

“What do you like?” he asked.

“Both. But right now I’d like it slow. It gives me more time to think about how good it feels,” she said.

And that, he decided, was what he would concentrate on until he couldn’t hold back for another instant. Making her feel good. For as long as possible.

With a new purpose, and strict concentration, he began to move his hips again, watching her face for signs that he was getting it right. He found a slow, deep, grinding rhythm that made her writhe beneath him and moan in bliss. It took him a few minutes to realize he was making love to her to the rhythm of the ocean waves, the rhythm of her song, and apparently the rhythm of their bodies.

He believed in fate and destiny, knew in his heart that people were drawn to each other for a reason. From the moment he’d heard Dawn struggling to compose that song, he’d felt her pull on him. He was supposed to be with her. Maybe not making love to her on a piano during a power outage, but he knew that there was something cosmic about their joining. A reason they’d met. A reason she was so wonderful and accepting and downright irresistible.

Dawn framed his face with both hands and stared deep into his eyes as his pleasure escalated, one thrust, one crest at a time, higher and higher until he felt as if he’d lost contact with the earth and spiraled into the heavens. His muscles tautened as spasms of intense release pulsated deep inside him. He gripped her shoulders to hold her still as he drove himself deep and let go. This was more than a physical release. Years of pain and turmoil seemed to pump out of him with an even greater intensity that his erupting fluids.

His lower lip began to tremble and he knew he was about to completely lose it, so he lowered his body on Dawn’s and buried his face in her neck. He hoped she thought all those ragged breaths bursting from his lungs were due to physical exertion. How terrible would she feel if he did something as mortifying as cry while he spent himself inside her?

He refused to find out. He reburied some of his anguish, shoving it back into a familiar place where he could save it to dwell upon another day. He just couldn’t let go of it all at once. He probably should have taken it a little slower with Dawn—not jumped in the fire with both feet. But it was too late for misgivings now. He was completely engulfed in her flames and had no desire to escape, even if the ties of his past were wrenching him in the opposite direction.

Chapter Eight

Dawn stroked Kellen’s back as he lay trembling on top of her. She knew he was having a difficult time with the emotional aspect of this. He seemed to be okay with the physical part. Her body thanked him for that. She’d never been with a man who could stare directly into her eyes while he made love to her. It was as if Kellen wasn’t only making love to her body, but also to her soul. He’d touched her everywhere—inside and out.

“I just need a minute,” he said, his voice shaking almost as much as his body was. It made her heart ache for him.

If he cried, she was going to bawl right along with him. A tight knot was already lodged firmly in her throat.

“Take as long as you need,” she whispered. “I like the weight of you against me.”

She was actually finding it difficult to draw air, and the top of this piano was almost as comfortable as a cement floor, but her minor discomfort couldn’t possibly match what he was going through emotionally. She almost wished they’d waited before taking this step. What if he hadn’t been ready? What if by diving headlong into the physical side of their attraction, she’d completely ruined those deeper connections that she wanted to explore with him? The sex had been phenomenal and she had no doubt that it would get better between them as he shed the restraints of his past, but she would be devastated if her successful seduction hurt him. He was hurting enough already. And she didn’t have a clue what she should say to him. So she just lay there, holding him, until his trembling abated and he slowly withdrew from her body. She immediately missed the fullness of him inside her. She hadn’t realized the physical connection was so important to her until it went missing.

Kellen rose up on his elbows and stared directly at her forehead. “I… uh… thanks?”

Thanks? And not a statement, but a question. Wow, when had Mr. Deep and Sensitive vanished? Shit, was he one of those guys who pretended to be wounded to get in a woman’s pants? It wouldn’t be the first time she’d been duped into having sex.

And, okay, she supposed that thanks were appropriate, but for some reason she got tickled by the earnest look on his face and started to laugh.

“Uh… you’re welcome?” she said in the same uncertain tone he’d used.

He grinned and then snorted as he tried to hold in a laugh. “That was pretty uninspired,” he said. “Let me try again. Your body is like a river of warm pleasure washing over me like… uh…” His eyes darted to the side as inspirational words apparently escaped him.

“A river of warm pleasure?” She was really laughing now. “You should have stuck with thanks.”

“Sorry for being lame. I have a hard time stringing coherent thoughts together after a really intense orgasm.” He grinned. “So yeah. Thanks!”

She wrapped him in an affectionate embrace, a little surprised that he wasn’t making excuses to leave.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” she asked, crossing her fingers behind his back.

Yes, sex had definitely happened too soon with this deep and tortured man. She wanted him to stick around, but maybe it would be better to convince him to stay with something other than another really intense orgasm. Not that she’d mind another one herself.

“What’s upstairs?”

She couldn’t tell if he was joking. “Uh, something more comfortable to cuddle on than this hard piano.”

He winced as he shifted slightly. “Such as a porcupine?”

“Even more comfortable than that.”

“I don’t think I can spend the night in your bed, Dawn,” he said. “Not because you aren’t the most wonderful thing that’s happened to me in a long, long time, but because…”

He didn’t have to say the words; she could read them on his face. He felt guilty for having sex with her. He probably even felt guilty for being attracted to her and talking to her and eating her fucking French toast, not to mention her pussy. Even in the low light given off by the single candle, the guilt in his eyes brought his reality crashing down around her. She knew letting go of Sara was difficult for him, and she wasn’t making it easy on him by jumping into this relationship at rocket speed, but someone had to shake him up. It might as well be her.

He glanced around the mostly dark room. “Would you settle for a sofa?”

“Anything’s better than this piano,” she said. “For resting on. Making love on it fulfilled a long-standing fantasy of mine, and the experience greatly exceeded my expectations. So… uh… thanks?”

He laughed and kissed the tip of her nose before scooting off the edge of the piano. Once standing, he stared down at her. “I never made love on a piano or even fantasized about it, but I will be from now on. You look absolutely stunning lying there.”

She basked in his attention as his gaze touched upon every inch of her naked body. She liked looking at him too. Especially when he was dripping wet as he had been the first time she’d seen him. “Have you ever made love on the beach?”

“Yeah,” he said, looking suddenly detached and forlorn.

Must have screwed Sara there, Dawn figured. She was starting to recognize that lost look as an indicator of that woman commandeering his thoughts. “And?”

“Sand everywhere,” he said. “In places you don’t want it. Making sandpaper out of body parts that have no business being abrasive.”

“Ouch,” she said breathlessly, a little curious to know what that would feel like, but she wouldn’t admit that to him. Mostly because it would make him think of her.

Would Dawn have to spend every moment with him watching what she said so she didn’t set off Sara triggers? Was he even worth that much effort?

Hell yeah, he was.

Kellen removed the condom and disposed of it among her waded-up attempts at musical scores in the wastepaper can. She pretended not to be affected by watching him do something so intimate. Every little thing he did fascinated her for some stupid reason. She’d probably weep at his masculine beauty if she watched him shave. Sheesh, she was glad the man could not read her thoughts. It was bad enough that he knew how quickly she’d become physically attached to him—if he had any idea that she was already making an emotional attachment, she wouldn’t be able to gaze at him for long, because he’d be gone.

“Making love on the beach seems as if it would be romantic,” she said.

“Romantic, yes, but also uncomfortable.”

She chuckled as he approached the piano again. “Apparently, making love in uncomfortable locations turns me on.”

He laughed and lifted her from the piano, cradling her head against his shoulder. Her arms automatically circled his neck. She expected him to set her on her feet, but he carried her to the sofa and sat with her on his lap.

“Tell me about your parents,” she said.

“While I’m naked and holding you in my arms?”

“Yep.”

“My mom had a drinking problem and I never met my dad. Tell me about yours.”

“My mom has a stick up her ass and my dad makes sure she keeps it there. I see them twice a year.”

“Christmas and Thanksgiving?”

“Lord, no. They spend the holidays on their private island in the Bahamas. No way am I marooning myself in their company when I’m supposed to be feeling good will toward man and thankful for my gifts. I see my father for a week in April. He reviews my financial situation with his tax attorney. It’s great fun. And I also get the pleasure of their company at the family reunion each year in July. That’s when they all get together and talk about which politician they’re currently courting and who has the most expensive yacht.”

“Can’t even begin to relate to that.”

She chuckled. “Me neither.”

“Didn’t you grow up in that environment?”

“Not really. I had a piano teacher and a variety of tutors, a housekeeper who made sure I was fed and clean, but mostly I had me.”

“You must have been lonely. I can relate to that. My grandfather owns a piece of land outside Austin. He lived in one trailer, and my mom and I lived in another. I made sure Mom was fed and clean, and grandpa tried to teach me how to find peace through connecting with the earth. I learned a lot from him before he died. He was half-Comanche and had a unique way of seeing things. When he passed, he left everything to my mom, so she started buying top-shelf vodka. Then my senior year in high school, she met some guy and left me on my own. I was eighteen, and she decided I’d rather finish school in Austin than follow her and Henry to Florida.”

“Did she ask you how you felt about that?”

“Nope, but she was right. I preferred to stay on my own. But her not giving me the choice made me feel unwelcome and unwanted.”

She squeezed his arm reassuringly. She’d never felt wanted either. But she wanted him and hoped that he wanted her too.

“I’ve never admitted that to anyone,” he said. “Not even Owen. When my mom moved out, he and I made it out like it was a huge party. I guess I needed that lie, that I was glad Mom left. Owen tends to dwell on the good and pretend the bad doesn’t exist. He keeps me going most days.”

“I think I’d like to meet him. It’s hard to find a good optimist.”

He laughed. “Yeah, Owen wears optimism like a shield.”

“Do you know who your father is?”

“Yeah. I never met him though. He contacted me when I was sixteen. Sent cards and letters, but I didn’t want to have anything to do with him. I was too angry at him for abandoning me.”

“You’ve never met him? Not even once?”

“No. He got killed in a car wreck before I could allow myself to forgive him. And then it was too late. I didn’t even find out about his death until a week after the funeral. I’m not sure if I would have gone had I known.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Before Sara was diagnosed, that was my sole regret in life,” he said. “Not getting to know my father when I had the chance. When Sara got sick, my list of regrets grew exponentially.”

“You don’t regret knowing her, do you?”

“Never. I regret not making her last months more about living and less about dying. I regret letting her convince me that the lump I found in her breast was probably nothing. Did you know that when breast cancer is caught early, it has a near one hundred percent cure rate?”

Dawn hated that he carried that guilt. How was he supposed to know what was going on inside her body?

“They didn’t catch it early, did they?”

He shook his head. “It had already metastasized into her lungs. Breast cancer doesn’t even run in her family. She didn’t smoke. She ate healthy and took care of her body. So why did it happen to her?”

“It was just chance,” Dawn said.

“I don’t believe in chance.”

“You believe in destiny,” she said.

He nodded slightly.

“So you think she was destined to die at… how old was she?”

“Twenty-four.”

“Jesus,” Dawn said, sudden tears springing to her eyes. No one should die that young. “Does it make it easier or more difficult thinking she died because it was her destiny?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I just really can’t bring myself to believe that she suffered like that for no reason. But even though I’ve tried rationalizing her death, I can’t come up with any sound reason for her to be taken so young.”

Dawn didn’t believe in destiny or fate. She believed in chance. So it was hard for her to understand where he was coming from. In her mind, there was no reason for Sara to die other than her cells had become cancerous, due to some chance event that would never be identified, and she’d died. She knew Kellen wouldn’t find that any more comforting than not having the sound reason he sought. And Dawn’s beliefs weren’t important here. She didn’t want to convince him that she was right and he was wrong. All she wanted was for him to find that comfort he needed, even if she wasn’t the one who gave it to him.

“Maybe you’re not meant to know the reason she died so young,” Dawn said.

“I’m sure I’m not supposed to understand it,” he said, “but that doesn’t stop me from trying.”

They sat silently, and Dawn found herself missing the sound of the storm raging outside. She could use a distraction from her thoughts and was certain Kellen’s thoughts were equally as turbulent.

“So how many men have you slept with?” he asked.

Or maybe he was thinking about her vagina.

“Why?” she asked.

“You seem a little inexperienced.”

“I do?”

“You’re great at what you do,” he said. “That trick with the candle wax had me ready to explode.”

“I made that up on the fly,” she said.

“Nice.”

She chuckled. “But to answer your question, four. Including you. You count, right?”

“I’m hoping by the end of the night, I’ll count double.”

That sounded promising. Was he thinking of getting intimate with her again? Yes, please. She’d never known a guy to come twice in one night, so if Kellen managed it three times, she’d definitely count him double.

“How many woman have you slept with?” she asked. It was only fair that he share the same information. Then she remembered he was a rock star. She’d probably have a stroke when he spouted some astronomical figure.

“Actual sex or fooling around and foreplay?”

“Actual sex.”

“Four,” he said. “Including you.”

She gaped at him for what felt like five minutes and then sputtered, “Liar!”

“I didn’t call you a liar. Why do you think I’m one?”

“Because. Because you’re a gorgeous rock star. You must have women hanging all over you.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have sex with them. I only have sex when I feel a connection with a woman, and that doesn’t happen very often.”

So was he saying he felt a connection with her?

“I have fooled around a lot,” he said. “I’m not a saint.”

“Then why did you tell me you’ve only been with three other women?”

“Because I place a certain emphasis on being inside a woman. It’s important to me and I thought maybe it was important to you too. If it’s not, that’s okay. I just wanted to know what kind of woman destiny insists I feel a connection with.”

There he went with that destiny stuff again. Couldn’t they have just met by chance, had a few things in common—most notably music—found each other attractive and decided that a little pleasure would go well with their newfound compatibility?

“Tell me about your other lovers,” he said. “I want to know what I’m up against.”

Her eyes widened. This was like taboo stuff to talk about so early in a relationship. But wait—was this even a relationship yet? Hardly. But she found herself telling him anyway.

“I lost my virginity on prom night.”

“Cliché,” he said with a soft smile. “Was it good for you?”

“No. It was awkward and it hurt and I didn’t even like the guy. I hadn’t ever been on a date before. My dad somehow talked one of his colleague’s sons into taking me to his prom, since I was homeschooled and would have missed out on all the fun. I didn’t know anyone there. I was so socially awkward and apparently naive. He gave me my first kiss. First tongue kiss. First boob fondle. First touch down below. First penetration. All in the same night. I didn’t know how to stop him. I wanted him to stop, but I was scared and confused, so I just let it happen. I never saw him again after that night, and I’m glad. I’d probably have thrown up if I ever had to be in the same room with him again.” Just thinking about that night so many years ago made her feel queasy.

“What a scum-sucking son-of-a-bitch,” he said. “You don’t count that one, Dawn. That’s called date rape.”

She shook her head. “Except I never told him no. I just thought it. And thought it. And thought it. But I never said it.”

“If you didn’t want to do it, it was rape. I’ve had a lot of women who can’t take no for an answer. It’s never progressed to actual intercourse, but even being touched when you don’t want to be touched doesn’t feel right. It bothers me every time it happens.”

Dawn’s belly flipped over. “But I touched you when you didn’t want to be touched. I’m sorry if it bothered you.” She hadn’t even thought that her coming on so strong to Kellen might have made him feel the way that Jonathan Kingsley had made her feel. How wretched of her.

He chuckled. “Are you kidding? The only kind of bothered you caused was hot and bothered. I wanted you to touch me so badly I thought I was going to rip those boxer shorts in half with my boner. There is a difference between reluctance and rejection. That asshole stole something from you that he had no right to take.”

Not many people knew what had happened to her on prom night. It wasn’t like she could have told her parents. She didn’t have close friends until college, and they’d thought losing her virginity behind a Dairy Queen was funny, because she usually told it as a humorous story. She didn’t know why she’d expressed her true feelings when she’d told Kellen about it. And Kellen’s understanding about why it had been so mortifying made her feel better.

“You know, it wasn’t your fault,” he added, and gently rubbed his knuckles up and down her bare arm.

Kellen was right—it hadn’t been her fault. But for a long time she’d blamed herself for not knowing what to do or how to make him stop. It had never occurred to her to blame Jonathan Kingsley.

“I hope the other two treated you right,” Kellen said. “I don’t want to hear about some other jerk hurting you.”

“No. There was just the one jerk. My second lover was my only long-term boyfriend. We dated for months before we finally slept together. Michael was even less experienced than I was, but once we became intimate, we had a whole lot of fun figuring out what felt good. We broke up after college. He wanted to go to China and teach English. I told him to have fun without me.”

“You didn’t want to go with him?”

“Our relationship had grown stale. I’d fallen out of love with him, but he never did anything wrong, so I didn’t know how to break up with him. How do you end a relationship just because it’s boring? His going to China finally gave me the excuse I’d been waiting for.”

“Aww, you didn’t want to hurt his feelings, did you? I didn’t realize you were so nice.”

“Nice? I was a doormat. But those were the end of my doormat days. I dated several guys after college, but I was so wrapped up in my music that none of those relationships progressed and I ended up sleeping with only one of them. That was a couple of years ago.”

“Well, that explains why we jumped into bed with each other so quickly. We were both hornier than a bucket of desert toads.”

His sense of humor continually surprised her. He seemed so serious and deep, and then he let loose with something like that.

“I can tolerate horniness,” she said. “I think I jumped into bed—or rather onto piano—with you because you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever met. I’m usually expert at controlling my baser needs. I’ve been called an ice princess and a cold bitch more than once at the end of a third date, fourth date, and fifth date with no action.”

“I’ll have to take your word on it. I didn’t experience any ice or cold.”

“Just a princess and a bitch.”

“Neither. If I had to describe you, I’d say you’re hot, talented, sexy and… horny.”

“You got at least one of those right.”

She shifted so she was straddling his thighs. Did she notice that her wide-open, bare crotch was perfectly aligned with his cock? Of course she did. And she’d be doing something about that soon, but first…

“Your turn,” she said. “Tell me about your other three lovers.”

He was silent for a long moment. God, she hoped he wasn’t thinking about her again. But of course he was. Dawn had point blank asked about her. Dumb, Dawn. Real dumb.

“First there was Jennifer, then Becca, and I’ve already told you about Sara,” he said. “So did you major in music in college? What was that like? I had some guitar lessons, but never studied theory.”

“What?” she sputtered. “That’s not fair. But if you don’t want to share, I’ll just make stuff up in my head. So Jennifer was your sweetheart all through elementary school, but she moved away before you went through puberty. When she returned some years later, she’d grown boobs and—”

He covered her lips with one fingertip.

“Nothing as romantic as that. Jennifer was my first groupie. We were both in high school, but she was a year older than me. She used to come to every band practice. She watched and danced and cheered and dressed in next to nothing and fed my ego. So I screwed her. She fed my ego some more. And I screwed her again. And again and again and again. Like three times a day. She eventually decided she liked drummers better.”

“She cheated on you?”

He nodded.

“Well, that sucks. Did you love her?”

“I liked her. A lot. What seventeen-year-old doesn’t like to get fucked three times a day? I was young and horny and needed my ego fed. No long-term damage was done when she switched band members, though watching her make out with Snake was weird. Not as weird as William Pierce suddenly insisting that everyone call him Snake, but yeah, a bit weird.”

“So that didn’t end too badly. What about Becca?”

“If you ever meet Owen, you cannot let him know I slept with her.”

“Why?”

“Because she was his one. Or at least he thought she was at the time.”

“You slept with your best friend’s girlfriend?”

“Oh no. She never dated him. He thought he loved her and she rejected him. She didn’t reject me though. I’m not even sure why I slept with her. I wasn’t really attracted to her. She came on to me and it just sort of happened.”

Dawn snorted. Yeah, that sounded like a boy’s reasoning. It just happened.

“Stop that.” Kellen squeezed her until she giggled. “Sleeping with her wasn’t worth the orgasm. For years, every time I looked at Owen, I thought about the time I slept with Becca and I was revolted by my actions. Having sex with her is what made me decide that I’d only sleep with women I felt a connection with. Sex for the sake of sex was never worth pursuing.”

“But the only other woman you’ve slept with is Sara.”

“Yeah. And you.”

Dawn sat back on his thighs and tried to read his expression, but there just wasn’t enough light on this side of the room to even guess how that made him feel. “I’m not sure I’m ready to hear that.”

“So don’t listen. I’m a little tired. I tend to talk a lot about things better left unsaid when I’m drunk or tired.”

“Do you want to sleep?”

“No.” He stroked her hair. “I want to spend more time with you.”

“Great,” she said, “I want to spend more time with you too, but can we talk about something more superficial? I’m feeling a bit… overwhelmed. This is a lot of heavy stuff for a first date.”

He chuckled. “You’re right. We should save some heavy stuff for our second date.”

Second date? Yes!

“How about we leave all the talking for the second date and the rest of this one can be all about pleasing your pussy?”

She laughed, simply because his suggestion made her uncommonly happy. She’d love the rest of the night be all about pleasing her pussy.

“I think it should be about pleasing your cock too,” she said.

“Ladies first.”

She squealed in surprise when he grabbed her around the waist and started to lift her over his head.

“Put your legs over the back of the sofa,” he instructed.

She could scarcely see the back of the sofa. “Why?”

“Because I don’t think I can hold you to my mouth like this for more than twenty seconds.” He tipped his head to trace her cleft with his tongue. “And I’m going to need at least twenty minutes.”

Feeling completely off balance, she slid one leg over his shoulder and the back of the sofa and then the other, so that his head was between her legs.

“Now lean back.”

She clung to his head like a treed kitten. “I’ll fall.”

“I’ve got you.”

She still didn’t feel secure, because she wasn’t sure what to expect and the room was so dimly lit, but she did trust him, so she let go and cautiously leaned back. He helped support her with a hand on her belly and another under her back until she found herself virtually upside down with her head between his knees, hair trailing down over his shins and the floor. Good lord, her legs were draped over the back of the sofa, and Kellen was seated beneath her with his face between her thighs and his hands gripping her ass. What in the world had she gotten herself into? She felt like some sort of perverse acrobat.

“Perfect,” he said. “Let me know if you get dizzy.”

She was already dizzy, but as his mouth latched onto her clit and his strong hands dug into her ass to pull her to his face, she could only focus on the pleasure between her trembling thighs.

The rapid flicks of his tongue against her clit made her come far too quickly, and she was actually pouting when he slid her ass down his belly so she could right herself again.

“You’re so good at that,” she said. “I scarcely have time to figure out where your tongue is before I’m coming.”

“I’ve had lots of practice.”

But not on Sara, because Dawn remembered Kellen saying that Sara hadn’t enjoyed oral. Dawn began questioning the girl’s sanity.

“On who?” she asked, wishing she could suck the words back in as soon as they erupted from her mouth. She honestly didn’t want to know how many women he’d draped upside down over his body so he could be comfortable while he licked them to orgasm.

“Women I tied up with Owen, mostly. We haven’t done it for months though.”

“Why not?” Oh, shut up, Dawn. Just shut up. Thinking about Kellen tying women and putting his mouth on them made her stomach ache when she had no business feeling jealous of women he’d been with before her.

“Owen gave me a thoughtful Christmas present. Perhaps a bit too thoughtful. It reminded me of Sara. Made me question what I was doing. So I stopped doing it.”

“What did he give you?”

“A leather wrist cuff.”

She touched the leather band around his right wrist.

“Not this one,” he said, capturing her hand and circling it with a loose fist to hold it against the worn leather. “I’ve had this one since I started playing guitar. Sort of a good luck charm. Owen gave me a cuff for my other wrist. I was down on the beach trying to get rid of it when the storm hit.”

“Trying to get rid of it?”

“Yeah, I said goodbye to Sara and tossed the cuff into the ocean. It washed back to me in a matter of minutes. Destiny at play again. I don’t think she was ready for me to let her go yet. And then I heard your song and… I’m not sure what possessed me to come to your door. It was as if I couldn’t stay away.”

“Oh, that was definitely destiny,” she said with a smile. Maybe it was wrong of her to progress her own agenda by using his beliefs to draw him in. Or maybe it had been destiny that had landed him on her doorstep. She didn’t have all the answers. Sometimes she wondered if she had any.

“I’m sure it was,” he said. “I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do now. Being with you feels right, unless I think of Sara. And then it feels so very wrong.”

Dawn shifted so she could face him. She straddled his thighs again and took his face in both hands. She could just see the sparkle of his dark eyes in the candlelight. “Then don’t think of her,” she said. “Think of me.”

She kissed him deeply, pulling away when his hands tightened on her hips and his kiss turned desperate.

She yanked her mouth away. “Who’s kissing you, Kellen?”

“You.”

“Say my name.”

“Dawn. Dawn’s kissing me.”

She lowered her head and kissed his neck, nibbling and sucking on the corded muscles of his throat. He moaned.

“Who’s making you moan, Kellen?” she whispered in his ear.

“Dawn,” he said breathlessly. “Dawn is also making my spine tingle and my belly quiver.”

“Is Dawn making your dick hard?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” She kissed his chest and stroked his skin with both palms. She loved the excited hitch in his breathing as much as she loved the texture of his skin against her hands. “Who’s touching you, Kellen?”

“Dawn.”

She slid onto the floor between his thighs and felt around in the dark until she had his thick shaft captured between her hands. “Who’s giving you head?”

“What?”

She directed his cock into her mouth and rubbed his rim with her lips stretched tight over her teeth.

“Dawn,” he gasped.

She sucked as she began to bob her head, taking him deeper with each dip. She loved the way he was chanting her name under his breath. Unexpectedly, his fists clenched in her hair and stopped her motions. He fell free of her mouth, and she looked up at him in question, cursing the darkness because she couldn’t see his face at all. Had she done something wrong?

“Where’s your bedroom?” he asked.

“U-u-upstairs.”

He helped her to her feet.

“Why did you stop me?” she asked. Was her inexperience showing again? He’d seemed to be enjoying it, but maybe she’d been reading him wrong.

“I was almost to the point of no return.”

“That’s what I was going for,” she said.

“But I want this one to last. Did you change your mind about wanting me in your bed?”

“Are you staying the night?” Dawn asked. She would love to wake up beside Kellen and watch him sleep. She wanted to see his bronze skin bathed in morning sunlight. Not that he didn’t look spectacular by candlelight, but he’d been drowning in darkness far too long and it was time for light to illuminate him once more.

“That depends,” he said, stroking her bare arms with feather-light touches.

“On what?”

“If I’m capable of moving when I’m finished making love to you.”

Heat flooded her body. She’d never had a man make her feel so desirable.

“And considering all the things I want to do to you and with you,” he said, his face mostly concealed by shadows as he leaned closer, “I don’t think I’ll be able to leave afterwards unless you call in a stretcher.”

He took her hand and led her to the piano to collect the other condom she retrieved from her purse and handed her the last burning candle. Using the limited light to find her way, Dawn shuffled to the staircase that led to her bedroom. Kellen climbed the stairs behind her. Occasionally his fingers would brush her back, her shoulder, or her buttocks. She knew his eyes were on her so as much as she wanted to race up the stairs and leap into bed, she took her time, luring him to follow her, increasing her anticipation and hopefully his. At the top of the steps, she turned the corner and walked along the railing that was no longer decorated with a whimsical garland of seashells dangling from blue and tan rope.

On the threshold of the bedroom, she paused and looked behind her to make sure Kellen was still following. He walked as silently as a cat and hadn’t touched her since they’d reached the top of the stairs. He’d stopped several paces behind her and was staring. Had he changed his mind? She would try to be understanding if he had, but damn, she wanted him to lie beside her in that big comfortable bed.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Looking at you,” he said as he hurried to catch up with her.

She allowed her gaze to travel up his long, muscular legs. The sexy vee of his hipbones drew attention to his cock, which stood rigid before him. He was so hard, she could see the tortuous ridges of veins beneath the surface of his darkened skin. She forced her attention upward. His washboard abs begged to be nibbled on. Her hand clenched at the thought of exploring the contours of his firm chest. Her gaze didn’t make it higher than the two bumps at the base of his throat. She grabbed him by the wrist and tugged him toward the bed.

She’d stare tomorrow. For the rest of the night, she just wanted to feel him. She set the candle on the bedside table and gave her hands liberty to touch him. Everywhere.

He grew impatient quickly and lifted her onto the high king-sized bed, settling over her so he could trail soft kisses across her chest.

“Don’t know what it is about these freckles that I find so sexy,” he said, rubbing his lips and tongue over her speckled skin as if determined to collect the little spots in his mouth.

“I’ve always hated them,” she admitted. She didn’t tan. In the sun, she generated dots, dots, and more dots, but never enough to completely cover her in an even tone. She envied Kellen’s darker skin color.

“They’re beautiful,” he said. “Every last one of them.”

He discovered her breast as he kissed her freckles. His lips brushed soft butterfly kisses around her areola until her back arched in bliss, and he flicked his tongue over the hardened tip.

She moaned his name and her fingers stole into his long, silky hair. She freed the thick mass from the tie at his nape, and it tumbled around his face to caress her skin as he pleasured her breast. She’d never thought long hair on a man was especially attractive, but it worked for Kellen. And as he kissed his way down her ribcage, it tickled her skin and worked for her too. He nibbled around her navel and continued lower. Lower. Was he going to kiss her there again? It was as if he couldn’t stay away.

He nuzzled her mound, his breath hot between her thighs, his glorious hair draped over her belly. She parted her legs for him, and he groaned.

“You smell so sexy,” he murmured. His tongue worked its way into her cleft and brushed her swollen clit.

She gasped as pleasure shot down the insides of her thighs, up her spine, all through her pussy, and even deeper inside her.

“So sexy,” he said. “And when I lick you here…” His tongue stroked her clit. “It just gets sexier.”

“Feel free to make it as sexy as possible,” she said.

He chuckled. “I’d hate to become boring because I’m so fixated on tasting you again and again and again.”

“Oh, trust me. I’m not bored with that at all.”

And she doubted she’d ever get bored with the way his mouth moved against her clit, her lips, her opening. She rocked her hips involuntarily as he rapidly brought her to the pinnacle of desire and pushed her over the edge. His fingers slid inside her as she came. Again. She’d lost track of how many times the man’s mouth had sent her flying to nirvana. She clung to the bedspread beneath her as she shook with release.

By the time his lips moved from her clit to brush the inside of her thigh, she was trembling uncontrollably. Her legs had turned to jelly.

He kissed his way back up her body. His fingers, still buried deep, began to move inside her. She recognized the rhythmic rise and fall of his tempo as the cadence of the sea and her song. He suckled her nipple as his fingers drew her back toward her peak. She hadn’t even fully recovered from her last orgasm by the time he had her writhing in ecstasy and begging for more. His thumb brushed her clit. She groaned in torment; her body didn’t know how to find release again. That unbearable feeling of almost had her in its clutches and wouldn’t let go.

Kellen shifted his mouth to her other breast, his fingers still plunging into her body in that same maddening rhythm. A finger brushed her back entrance, and she gasped in surprise. His thumb worked her clit again. She could hear how wet she was as he continued to pump his fingers into her body.

“I can’t take much more,” she said.

He bit her nipple, and her hips lifted from the bed.

“You might as well stop fighting it then, because I’m not going to stop until you come.”

“I can’t,” she cried.

“You will.”

He sucked her nipple so hard she felt the pull in her womb, and then his devious mouth worked its way down her torso again. He peppered her mound with tiny nips. It drove her insane, but it was nowhere near as maddening or exciting as the unwavering rhythm of his fingers plunging and withdrawing, plunging and withdrawing. She strained against his hand, needing to come so badly, wanting to, but she just couldn’t. She teetered on the edge for an eternity.

“I should have known you’d be stubborn,” Kellen said.

“I’m trying.”

“That’s the problem, baby. You’re trying. Just feel me, Dawn. Feel my rhythm. Our rhythm. Do you hear it?”

She heard the sounds of flesh moving inside slick flesh. The creak of the bed. Her breathing and his. The pounding of the surf outside her window. She could even hear the pulse throbbing in her ears if she concentrated hard enough.

He placed his lips against her mound and hummed her melody. She exploded like a supernova. Her core tightened as waves of ecstasy ripped through her body. Fluids gushed from her clenching pussy. Stunned, she lifted her head to gape at Kellen, but the pleasure was too intense, so her head dropped back on the bed and she squeezed her eyes shut as she continued to ride the waves of bliss shattering her.

“Fuck, yes,” Kellen said in a sexy growl. His fingers slipped free of her body so he could lick her freely flowing cum like a starving man.

She wasn’t sure when he stopped making out with her pussy or when he turned her onto her belly. She was still recovering from whatever the hell had just happened when she became aware of his strong hands massaging the globes of her ass. Each time he tugged her cheeks apart, her rear opening ached, until she was rubbing her mound against the mattress beneath her, wanting more of him. More. How could she possibly want more?

He shifted so he was suspended over her back. He rubbed the head of his cock up and down the length of her seam. She strained against him. Wanting him inside her.

“Do you like it in your ass, Dawn?” he whispered.

Her heart kicked with the thrill of anxiety mixed with excitement. She’d never done that before. “I don’t know.”

“We’ll have to find out sometime,” he said, taking her from behind, filled her aching pussy with ten inches of rock-hard cock.

“Oh God,” she cried.

He gripped her hipbones and lifted her lower belly slightly off the bed. Her legs were too far apart for her to rise to her knees and when she tried, he pressed her chest back down with a palm in the center of her back.

“Stay where I put you,” he said.

A bit of her temper flared, but it was extinguished when he began to move. He fucked her so hard, she had no choice but to fuck him back. She relished the fullness, the friction, the hint of pain, the explosion of pleasure. God, he was deep. So deep.

“Do you like to be fucked face down, Dawn?” he said.

“Yes. Yes! I’m gonna come again. Kellen.”

She wasn’t just saying that to spur him on. As another astonishingly hard orgasm gripped her, she clung to the bedspread, her mouth wide open since she couldn’t get enough air no matter how hard she panted.

His strokes slowed abruptly. She thought he must have found release too, but she soon realized he was just changing his rhythm.

He trailed his fingers through the sweat that had pooled on her lower back.

“I need to look in your eyes now,” he said. His lips brushed her back, and he pulled out.

She gasped for air, still not able to find her breath. She didn’t have the strength to assist him as he rolled her over.

“You okay?”

“Just… need… to catch… my breath.”

“I like you breathless.”

“I’m gonna pass out.”

“Slow this time. I promise.”

He was inside her again. Taking her slowly. Deeply. Churning his hips to press deeper still. It felt so good. So right.

Yes, Kellen.

Just like that.

Perfect.

He stared into her eyes the entire time; until the candle sputtered out and they were bathed in darkness and he finally allowed himself to let go.

Chapter Nine

Kellen rolled over, cursing the sunlight streaming directly into his face. He reached for a pillow to bury his head under, but his hand found a warm body beside him instead. He smiled and allowed his fingertips the pleasure of stroking the smooth skin along Dawn’s shoulders. If she was aware of his touch, he couldn’t tell. Her soft snores never lost their rhythm, and she didn’t stir even when he scooted closer and placed a kiss on her slender arm. Her body was completely slack, her expression oblivious.

I wore her ass out, he thought proudly. She wouldn’t be forgetting him anytime soon.

He watched her sleep, wondering how the rest of the day would play out. He would have to leave soon so he could make it to Beaumont in time for Sole Regret’s show that evening. Maybe Dawn would like to come with him. He knew she had to finish writing down the song she’d composed the night before so she could meet her deadline, but he hoped she had time to make it to his show. If not, he had another show in New Orleans tomorrow night, and then they had a rare couple of days off before a second show in New Orleans. Surely they could find time to spend together before he had to head to the Northeast for the next leg of the tour.

Now that he’d found her, he didn’t want to spend a moment apart from her. He wasn’t sure she’d feel the same way, but he had to give this a go, see what came of it. He hadn’t felt this way about a woman since… well, never. And he wasn’t going to compare Dawn to Sara anymore. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

Kellen sat up, scrubbing the sleep from his eyes and combing his fingers through his tangled hair. He rolled out of bed and stretched his back, which was a bit sore from making love to Dawn for hours, but he felt more relaxed, more at ease, than he’d felt in years.

He leaned across the bed to place a grateful kiss at the corner of Dawn’s mouth. When she didn’t so much as flutter an eyelid, he decided to grab a quick shower. Once he was clean and alert, he found himself drawn to Dawn’s bedside again. He’d never known anyone to sleep so soundly. He hated to disturb her, but he wanted her awake. He wanted to see the spark of mischief in her hazel eyes and bask in the warmth of her smile. He also wouldn’t mind getting lost in her arms for a couple of hours before he had to leave.

“Dawn,” he whispered close to her ear. “It’s morning.”

She moaned softly, grabbed a pillow, and smashed it over her head in protest.

“Are you going to get up soon?”

“Coffee,” he thought she mumbled beneath the pillow. Or maybe she was just growling at him.

So she wasn’t a morning person. Only unnaturally happy people, like Owen, were morning people. Kellen wondered what Owen would have to say about Kellen’s reawakening. Owen would probably only enthuse about the getting laid part of Kellen’s night. Which had been important, he couldn’t deny it. But there were more important things going on than his departure from abstinence. And he had Dawn to thank for all of it. He had to think something had drawn them together. Some higher power or outside force. How else could he have found exactly who he needed at exactly the right time and exactly the right place? Or maybe he was reading too much into this.

In nothing but a towel, Kellen padded downstairs to fix Dawn a cup of coffee. Maybe he could coax her out of bed with caffeine. While she was beautiful in sleep, he loved to watch her in motion. Or maybe he’d save her a cup of java for later and wake her with tender kisses between her thighs. She seemed to enjoy being on the receiving end as much as he enjoyed delivering. That woman could take a permanent seat on his face and he’d die a happy man. He grinned wickedly at the remembrance of her sweet, addictive flavor. That was the true breakfast of champions.

He opened a cabinet, searching for a mug. He found an entire cupboard full of fresh-baked bread—Dawn’s stress outlet. Sheesh. She must have really been having a hard time dealing with her writer’s block. There was enough bread to feed a stadium. Kellen opened another cabinet and found what he was looking for. Mug in hand, he hummed Dawn’s sensual melody under his breath. Amazed by how serene the weather had turned now that the storm was long gone, he glanced out the window. The mug dropped in the sink, shattering on impact.

Next door, Sara’s yellow beach house glowed in the early morning sunshine. Kellen snapped his eyes shut and reared back. Just don’t look at it, he told himself. He pivoted away. God, he was shaking. He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was the crumpled heap of his jeans on the breakfast bar. Sara’s bracelet was no longer in the pocket. It had tumbled out to rest in plain view. Oh God, what had he done?

Kellen’s stomach plummeted, and his heart rate kicked up. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, staring at the leather cuff as if it were accusing him of a crime he knew he’d committed. The walls started closing in. He had to leave. Had to beg for Sara’s forgiveness. Had to repent for his sins against his memory of her.

Had to give up Dawn.

She didn’t deserve to be entangled with someone like him—a man who couldn’t get through a single day without being crippled by guilt and paralyzed by the past. Dawn deserved to be first. And he would never be able to give her that.

He hopped into his jeans, which were still slightly damp and cold against his skin. He jammed the cuff back into his pocket, wishing he could just throw the damned thing in the garbage, but knowing if he did that, he’d be digging through coffee grounds and banana peels to get it back. He needed this, this torture, for some inexplicable reason. Why couldn’t he let himself be happy for more than one night?

Kellen knew he couldn’t just dart out the door without any explanation. Dawn might think something had happened to him other than him being too fucked up in the head to take what she so generously offered.

He’d leave her a note. Something short and to the point. No sense in drawing out necessary goodbyes.

He went to the piano, where he knew he’d find paper and a pencil. He also found a discarded dress, bits of rope, and the remnants of candles. He didn’t allow himself to think about the night before. Not the way Dawn had looked when he’d lit that first candle and seen her bound and beautiful. Not the way she’d felt surrounding him when he’d been buried inside her that first time. He didn’t even allow himself to touch the piano keys that had produced a melody capable of freeing him for a few short hours. He went straight for a blank piece of score paper and scrawled a hasty note on the back.

Dear Dawn,

Thank you for an entertaining evening. I had to leave early. I wish you well with your new song. I see an Academy Award in your future. Sorry things couldn’t work out between us. Take care of yourself.

Kelly

He frowned at his signature and covered up the y with e-n. He didn’t go by Kelly anymore. It was too frivolous a name for a broken, melancholy man.

Kellen propped the note on the music stand over her keyboard, where she’d be sure to see it, bent to collect a short piece of blue rope from the remnants on the floor, and fled the house. He wished he had a way to lock the door behind him; he didn’t like the thought of leaving her there alone with the door unlocked. Maybe he should have woken her before he fled like a coward, but he didn’t think he’d have been able to do the right thing and leave if she’d offered him so much as a smile. A kiss. An embrace.

Fucking stop!

He avoided looking at Sara’s house as he hurried to the rental car parked in its short driveway. He felt that the house was staring at him and its disapproval weighed heavily on the base of his neck.

He fished the keys out of the center console where he’d hidden them the night before and started the engine. He wished he was driving his faithful Firebird instead of this run-of-the-mill sedan, but at least he had a means of escape. Colorful houses on stilts separated brief glimpses of the ocean as he sped toward the city of Galveston. Quaint housing developments blurred by one after another until he hit a stop light and slammed on his breaks to skid to halt. He had no idea how fast he’d been going, but he was sure the flashing blue lights behind him weren’t a good sign. The officer squawked his siren, and Kellen cringed before taking a right turn at the light to get out of the flow of traffic so he could get his ass chewed properly. He retrieved his wallet and rental car agreement out of the glovebox while he waited for the cop to mosey his way to the car. Kellen rolled down the window, and a blast of warm humidity hit him in the face.

“Where’s the fire, son?” the officer said in greeting.

Kellen forced himself not to roll his eyes. Police officers didn’t seem to like it when he did that.

“How fast was I going?”

“Eighty in a thirty-five.”

He couldn’t even plead the “I forgot to slow down in the town speed zone” argument, as eighty miles per hour would have been speeding even outside of town.

“Sorry about that, I was…” Fleeing an anguished memory and the potential for a bright future. “…distracted.”

“License and proof of insurance.”

“The car’s a rental,” Kellen said, but handed over his driver’s license and the folded-up insurance proof he kept in his wallet.

“Hold tight, Mr. Jamison,” the officer said as he looked over Kellen’s license. “I’ll be back with your citation.”

Kellen wouldn’t argue. He deserved a ticket.

The officer went back to his patrol SUV, while Kellen sat and stewed.

Eventually, the weight of the cuff in his pocket became unbearable. He tugged it out, stared at it for a long moment, and then secured it to his wrist. He wouldn’t be taking it off again. When he took it off, he forgot his promises, made mistakes, potentially hurt people besides himself. He felt his resolve strengthen as soon as the cuff was in place. Wearing it didn’t keep his thoughts from returning to Dawn, but the reminder would keep him from turning this fucking car around and returning to her.

“I’m surprised this is your first ticket,” the officer said from outside Kellen’s window.

Why? Because he was barefoot and shirtless, tattooed and long-haired, or because Toyota Corollas were notoriously fast cars?

“Usually folks who go as fast as you were going make a habit of it.”

“I don’t speed. I just have a lot on my mind this morning.”

“If you hadn’t been going so fast, I’d have let you off with a warning—”

Kellen tugged the ticket and his identification from the officer’s hand. He didn’t feel like shooting the breeze, thanks.

“I understand. Have a nice day,” Kellen said, rolling up his window.

“Watch your speed,” he heard the officer call.

Kellen nodded and shifted the car into drive.

He kept his attention on the road and his speed. It was a lot easier to concentrate on his driving with Sara’s wrist cuff in his peripheral view, reminding him to play by the rules, not take chances, and to love her forever.

He drove the length of Seawall Boulevard on his way to the ferry that would take him to Bolivar Peninsula and bypass the traffic nightmare that often surrounded Houston. It was still rather early, so there were only a few people out on the beaches that bordered the wide roadway. He sat at stop lights, watching pedestrians walk their dogs, parents lug beach gear while attempting to corral their children away from the road, and tourists snap pictures of ordinary seagulls. They all seemed to know where they belonged and what they were doing. Must be nice.

He passed hotel after hotel, restaurant after restaurant, and even a small amusement park that was built on a pier extending over the ocean. The Pleasure Pier. He couldn’t even find enough of a sense of humor to develop a joke about that one. He bet Owen would like to go to a place called The Pleasure Pier, but Owen’s preference wouldn’t be family friendly. A tiny smile felt foreign on his Kellen’s face. He needed to get back to Owen. Owen was the one person who only made him happy and never gave him grief. Kellen was lucky to have someone like Owen in his life, and he desperately needed someone to confide in at the moment.

Kellen followed the road signs to the ferry dock and was glad the line was short. He had no idea how long he’d be stuck on the boat with nothing to occupy his mind while it crossed the wide bay bustling with barge traffic. Maybe he’d have time to call Owen. Just a few minutes’ conversation with him was sure to put Kellen in a better frame of mind. He was about to crawl out of his skin.

He waited until the ferry launched from the dock before removing his seatbelt and leaving the car with cellphone in hand to stand along the railing. He turned on his phone and found he had multiple messages in voicemail. All of them were from Owen. Kellen had told him that he was turning his phone off. He wondered if he’d missed out on anything important the night before or if Owen was just bored because he had no one better to bug when Kellen wasn’t on the bus.

Kellen didn’t bother listening to the voicemails, noting that his phone’s battery was low, and dialed Owen’s number.

Owen answered on the second ring. “There you are. I was starting to think you’d been eaten by sharks.”

“Didn’t encounter any sharks. A pig this morning, but no sharks.”

“A pig?”

“I got a speeding ticket.”

“Are you sure?” Owen said. “Wait, is this really Kelly? Adam, did you steal Kelly’s phone again? This has to be a joke.”

Kellen smiled, feeling better already. “I had a lot on my mind when I, uh, left… the woman I… sort of slept with last night.”

There was dead silence on the other end. Kellen tugged the phone from his ear and stared at the screen to make sure the call hadn’t dropped. Still connected.

“Owen? Are you there?”

“You slept with a woman last night. You? Kellen Soaring Eagle Jamison slept with a woman? Were you conscious?”

Kellen chuckled. “Yes, I was a willing participant. But this morning, I sort of just… left. Should I go back? I shouldn’t, should I? Better to cut all ties now, right?”

“I don’t know. Do you like her or was it just a crazy, I-haven’t-been-properly-laid-in-five-years, lust-type thing?”

Kellen blew out his cheeks. “A bit of both, I think. I do like her, but I don’t think I would have slept with her if you’d been there to keep me in check.”

“Fuck,” Owen said. “Do you mean to tell me the only thing I had to do to get you to sleep with a chick was disappear?”

“No,” Kellen said, shaking his head. “There was something special between me and her. I just got freaked out about cheating on Sara and left before she woke up.”

“Then, yes, you should turn around immediately and go back to her, you fucking idiot. You haven’t felt so much as a tickle in your cock for a woman in over five years, much less anything deeper. The thing with Lindsey can wait.”

“Lindsey?” Kellen said, his eyebrows drawing together. “Who’s Lindsey? Her name is Dawn.”

“Didn’t you get my voicemails? All seven of them?”

“My battery is low, so I haven’t listened to them yet.”

Owen laughed. “Well, dude, we all got a bit of shocking news last night. Lindsey, that pretty little groupie you tied up on Christmas Eve, she showed up after the concert and, you are not going to believe this bro, she’s…”

Kellen waited for him to finish, knowing Owen liked to fuck with him by creating long, pregnant pauses. “She’s what?” No answer. “Owen?”

He looked at his phone and found the screen blank. Dead battery. Damn it. With a huff of frustration, Kellen shoved the phone into his pocket, tugging a bit of blue rope free when he jerked his hand back out.

He clutched the piece of rope in his fist. “Dawn,” he whispered and looked back toward the island. Missing her. Wishing he hadn’t left without saying goodbye.

A large gray body, slick and sleek, crested above the water. His breath caught. He’d never seen a wild dolphin before. Sara would have been over the moon with excitement.

“Sara,” he said under his breath.

Kellen sighed and clutched his forehead in one had.

Dawn. Sara. Lindsey. Women would be the death of him. He tried to avoid them, but his actions didn’t do any good.

The ferry began to slow as it approached the dock at the tip of Bolivar Peninsula. Kellen climbed back in the rental car and contemplated his options. He couldn’t go back to Dawn; she was sure to read something into that. And he was exceedingly curious to find out what was going on with that Lindsey woman. All he remembered about her was that she held a shocking resemblance to Sara, had a pussy that tasted sweeter than honey, and was really good at sharing. Had she come back to the bus for another orgy? Kellen was not interested. He’d find a hotel to hole up in for the night if that was the case. Besides, the guys were more involved with relationships than they had been six months ago. Surely they didn’t plan to compromise something important for a piece of hot and willing tail.

Kellen decided he’d go straight to the bus. Maybe after he got his head on straight, he’d head back to Galveston to apologize to Dawn for being a cowardly bastard. But that wouldn’t happen tonight. He could only stand so much confusion and heartache in one twenty-four-hour period.

The drive to Beaumont was uneventful. His churning thoughts kept him company. He thought about Dawn. And he thought about Sara. But mostly he cursed himself for not bringing his cellphone charger. He spends one night away from the band, and Owen sees fit to call him seven times to talk about some groupie. Kellen knew he wouldn’t do that unless it was something important. Had she given them all some incurable disease? Kellen hadn’t slept with her, but he had eaten her out.

Kellen parked near the venue where the band and crew were getting ready for the concert and headed toward the bus, prepared for the worst. But nothing could have prepared him for what he saw standing at the top of the bus steps.

Her hair was swept back from her lovely face in a loose ponytail. Her brilliant blue eyes sparked with recognition as a smile spread across her soft, sensual lips. She rested a hand on her obviously distended belly and offered him a small wave.

She was pregnant and beautiful and very much alive.

“Sara?” he whispered, clutching the doorframe so he didn’t collapse into a heap on the asphalt.

Chapter Ten

Dawn shoved the pillow off her head and blinked in the bright sunshine streaming through the open blinds of her bedroom. It had to be close to noon. Why was she still so exhausted? She smiled as memories of the night she’d shared with Kellen filtered through her thoughts. She couldn’t wait to add to her pleasant experiences today. She was a bit disappointed to find his side of the bed empty, but she vaguely recalled him murmuring her name to awaken her and her foolishly demanding coffee. Who needed coffee with that man as her wake-up call? She’d just been a bit groggy and obviously out of her mind. She was wide awake now. Still naked, she slipped out of bed and padded down the hall to the stairs.

“Kellen,” she called down into the foyer below. “I changed my mind. I don’t need coffee. I just need you.”

When he didn’t answer, she continued down the stairs. “Kellen, come out, come out, wherever you are.”

She entered the kitchen and noticed a full carafe of coffee sitting untouched in the coffee maker. The power was obviously back on. It had been sweet of him to make coffee for her, but why hadn’t he rejoined her in bed once he’d finished making it?

“Kellen, are you down here?” she called, peeking over the breakfast bar into the family room, where the piano sat as silent as a stone. Bits of rope littered the piano’s lid and the floor. Dawn smiled. She would always remember the feel of it pressing into her skin and opening her eyes to truths she hadn’t recognized about herself. It was a shame that the rope had been cut and was now unusable. She wondered if there was any spare rope in the garage beneath the house. If not, she was all about making a trip to the nearest hardware store for supplies.

She wasn’t sure where Kellen had wandered off to. Maybe he was in the bathroom, or maybe he’d taken a walk on the beach. She always found the most interesting goodies washed up on the shore after a storm. She completely understood the draw of the water. She turned back to the kitchen. When she opened a cabinet, she noticed the broken mug in the sink. She picked up a large shard of ceramic and caught sight of the big yellow house next door. Kellen’s house, she realized with a smile. She looked again at the broken mug, at the full coffee carafe. At Kellen’s house. Her smile faded. Sara’s house, she corrected herself.

Shit. He’d left, hadn’t he? Saw that gorgeous, empty house across the way, started thinking about her again—Sara—and ran away.

Even after all they’d shared the night before, he still hadn’t given up that other woman. What a jerk! If all he’d wanted from her was sex, he could have just been straight with her. He didn’t have to pretend to be so wonderful. She was a big girl. And even though her heart was aching so badly she could scarcely breathe and her lower lip was trembling uncontrollably, Dawn was not going to cry over this. She refused to let a single tear fall. She kicked a lower cabinet as hard as she could and winced when her toe exploded with pain.

“Damn him,” she muttered. “He could have at least had the decency to tell me to my face that he wasn’t interested.”

Determined to have a great day despite the dark cloud that was suddenly obscuring her sunshine from the inside out, Dawn poured herself a cup of coffee and went to sulk—contemplate life—at her piano. She righted the piano bench, which had been overturned during all those wonderfully sensual activities she refused to dwell upon, and plopped down. She dribbled coffee down her bare front when she noticed Kellen’s handwritten note.

She snatched it from the music stand and read it three times before crumpling it into a ball and tossing it on the floor.

“Entertaining evening,” she muttered under her breath. “Was that what it was to you? Because it was magical to me, you ass!” She didn’t know why she was yelling at her piano, but it felt right. “You’re sorry it didn’t work out between us. How could it work out? You didn’t even give it a chance. I hope you choke on your guitar.” She wasn’t sure why he’d have his guitar in his mouth, but she wasn’t thinking clearly enough to come up with better ill wishes.

She turned sideways on the bench and pulled her legs up against her body, hugging both shins and burying her face against her bent knees. She was not going to cry over him. Not going to cry. Those hot, wet droplets coming from her eyes and running down her thighs were not tears. Nope. Not crying for a guy who’d love another woman until the day he died. Not crying over a man who had taken a chance with her but decided he’d rather return to a dead girl. She sniffed. She really wished she could hate him for that, but it just broke her heart.

When she decided she’d wallowed in misery long enough, she turned to her piano and practiced her new song. Kellen’s song. She would always think of it as Kellen’s song, even if she did name it “Dawn.” She began to feel better almost at once. The joyful melody lifted her spirits until her tears were forgotten and she was smiling to herself. She had to call her agent. He had to hear this song.

She dialed his number and had his secretary patch her through. As soon as she had him on the line, she interrupted his usual, “Any luck?” As if luck had anything to do with composing.

“Listen,” she said and put him on speaker phone so he could hear her. She played the piece from beginning to end. When the last note rang out, she stared at the phone, her heart hammering with excitement. The song was wonderful. Perfect. She knew it was. But she had to hear it from someone who would give it to her straight. “Well?”

There was a long pause. “I… I’m speechless,” he said.

What? Speechless? What did that mean? “Thanks for sharing. But is the song any good?”

“It’s phenomenal. I almost hate to hand it over. It’s too good to be closing credit music for some movie.”

“But it will be heard, Wes. Well, by those who stay for the credits, at least. I’m just glad I finally wrote something worth listening to.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, Dawn. Everything you write is inspired.”

She rolled her eyes. He thought that because he only ever heard her finished pieces. He’d never heard her bang out angry renditions of “Chopsticks” because it sounded better than the crap she was coming up with.

“So do you think you could get me an extra few days on my deadline? It’s finished, but I haven’t exactly written it down yet.”

“So write it down now.”

“I have something important that I need to do today,” she said and before her impetuous mouth had even completed the sentence, she knew it was true.

“More important than keeping a movie studio happy?”

“Yeah. Much more important than that. Have you ever heard of the band Sole Regret?”

“The metal band out of Austin nominated for best new artist Grammy last year?”

She knew Wes would have heard of them. “That’s them.”

“I don’t know them, but I do have business connections with their manager. Why?”

Wes knew everyone in the music business either directly or by some outside contact. He loved to drop names. “I need to be on the VIP list for their show in Beaumont, Texas tonight. Can you make it happen?”

“Can you fax me a rough draft of your masterpiece in the next hour so I can get this producer off my back?”

She sighed loudly. “Yes, I’ll fax you a rough draft.”

“I’ll make your groupie wishes a reality then.”

“I’m not a groupie,” she said testily.

“Oh. Are you writing music for them now?”

“No, I’m not writing their music. They’re kind of out of my genre, don’t you think?”

“Groupie,” he teased in a high-pitched voice.

“Watch it, Wes. I know where you live.”

“As soon as I have that rough draft in my hand, I’ll get you on the list.”

She grinned because she knew he’d deliver for her. “Slave driver,” she muttered.

“Virtuoso,” he countered.

“You really suck at insults, Bloodsucking Agent.”

“And you really suck at lying, Groupie.”

“Expect a fax in an hour,” she said, already scribbling down notes as fast as her hand could move.

“I’ll pull all the right strings in the meantime. Great work, doll. I think there’s an Academy Award in your future.”

Dawn paused to glare at the crumpled note on the floor. “Yeah, you aren’t the first to make that prediction today. I’m just glad the song is finally done.”

“And I’m glad you’re a groupie.” He laughed, and she could picture his overly white teeth gleaming in his overly tanned face. “We’ll talk soon.”

He hung up before she could reach into the phone and choke him. Groupie? How could she be a groupie if she’d never even heard Sole Regret’s music? She just needed closure or an opening—one or the other and preferably the latter. She wasn’t sure if Kellen would even talk to her, but she had to try. She had to find out why he’d left and if he had any interest in her beyond one amazing night. But first she had to get their song on paper and then she should probably consider putting on some clothes. While she was pretty sure Kellen would understand her need to be naked today, the public probably wouldn’t be so understanding.

Chapter Eleven

“Are you okay?” Sara said as she trotted down the steps, stopping on the bottom one so that it was impossible not to notice her belly. She patted Kellen’s shoulder. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Not Sara, he told himself. Lindsey. The girl Owen had been talking about on the phone before they’d been disconnected. She’s not Sara. Yeah, tell that to all the hairs on the back of his neck, which were standing on end.

He took a deep breath and clenched his shaking hands into fists.

“Where’s Owen?” Kellen asked, staring at her pregnant abdomen and doing mental math. Could it be… Was this what Owen had been trying to tell him about? No. Not possible.

“I think he’s talking to her again,” Lindsey-not-Sara said. He glanced up in time to catch her rolling her pretty blue eyes. “It was good seeing you.” She kissed his cheek and stepped off the final step. “If anyone is looking for me, I’m going to buy some food. I swear, how do you guys live like this?”

Still dumbfounded, he watched her walk over to Jordan, who was taking one of his hundreds of daily breaks, and with a few bats of her eyelashes and rubs of her belly, Jordan was on his feet and escorting her to the rental car he was responsible for returning. Completely transfixed, Kellen watched her get into the car. Lindsey really was a beauty. She definitely rivaled Sara, but was no comparison to Dawn.

Shit. He couldn’t let himself think about Dawn right now.

Kellen climbed the bus steps and spotted Owen sitting at the dining table and staring intently at his iPad. He looked up when Kellen slid into the booth across from him. He smiled.

“So you’re back. Have you given up on blue balls permanently or was it a temporary thing?”

“Had to be temporary.”

“Had to be?”

Kellen nodded curtly. He didn’t want Dawn to have to deal with his baggage. He had to forget her so she would forget him. “So Lindsey…”

“She’s around her somewhere.” Owen flicked his wrist at the expansive bus cabin.

“Yeah, I saw her. Is she…” Kellen’s eyebrows lifted.

“Pregnant?” Owen nodded and went slightly pale. “Yeah. She thinks it’s mine.”

“Yours? But you wore a condom when you did her; how could it be yours?”

“Well, it’s someone’s from that night, assuming she isn’t lying about not screwing some other dude after she finished with her Sole Regret band and crew orgy. When I left you alone to untie her, you didn’t do anything with her, did you?”

“No.” He hadn’t been inside a woman for five years. Until Dawn.

Shit. He couldn’t let himself think about Dawn right now.

“I didn’t think so. Just making sure.”

But Kellen had come on Lindsey’s belly, so he supposed it was possible that in all the groping and fondling and fucking, some mighty Kellen sperm had somehow gotten inside of her. Possible, but not likely. Still, he felt he was going to throw up. What if it was his? What would he do? He could never bring himself to hook up with some girl he didn’t feel a connection with just because she was the mother of his child, but he wouldn’t be like his asshole of a father. He wouldn’t leave the mother to fend for herself and ignore the existence of his own child until seeing his flesh and blood served his own purpose or agenda or whatever the fuck had made his father reach out to him after sixteen years of no contact. More than never meeting the fucktard, Kellen regretted not telling him what a worthless piece of shit he was when he’d had the chance. He didn’t want Lindsey’s unborn baby to ever have to feel that level of rejection.

“I figured you’d be smiling more,” Owen said.

Kellen looked at Owen as if he was doing the Chicken Dance. Again. Why would he be smiling? This situation had the potential to fuck up someone’s life in a pretty major way.

“About Lindsey being pregnant?” Kellen asked.

“About getting laid. Tell me about her. I can’t wait to meet her. I’m assuming she has blond hair and blue eyes.” Owen rolled his eyes at Kellen’s presumed predictability.

Kellen shook his head. “Redhead. That deep, dark red shade. Almost burgundy. And her eyes are hazel, with pretty flecks the color of spring leaves.”

Owen snorted and burst out laughing. “I forgot how corny you get.”

“Corny? What do you mean?”

“When you like a girl. You become the reincarnation of John Keats or some shit. So is she gorgeous? She must be to get your dick out of your pants.”

“Stunning. And you’ve seen her before,” Kellen said.

Owen went another shade paler. “I didn’t fuck her, did I?”

“No. Believe it or not, there are still women out there who haven’t taken a bareback ride on your lap.”

Owen winked. “Are you sure?”

Kellen nodded. “A few.”

“So if I didn’t fuck her, where did I see her?”

“At the Grammy’s last year.”

“Oh God, did I say something stupid to her?” Now Owen looked like he needed a tanning session. “I was so wasted that night.”

And he probably didn’t remember the elegant beauty who’d graced the stage to accept an award for best instrumental composition.

“She won a Grammy for one of her compositions. She plays piano. And she had no idea who we are, but she remembered us getting thrown out for your air-horn incident and heckling the rapper who got our award.”

Owen cringed. “Yeah, that was pretty obnoxious. I apparently thought I was attending a hockey game. Why’d you guys let me drink so much?”

Kellen chuckled. “We all drank that much. You’re the only one who couldn’t hold his liquor.”

Owen raised fingers one at a time as he said, “So gorgeous redhead. Grammy. Gives Kellen a boner.” Tapping his ring finger, he screwed up his forehead in concentration as he went over his clues.

“Her name is Dawn O’Reilly,” Kellen said. He didn’t want the guy to blow any overtaxed synapses.

Kellen had forgotten Owen had his iPad right in front of him. He immediately did a web search.

When Dawn’s picture came up on screen, Kellen’s heart froze in his chest until a rush of tangled emotions thawed it again. Standing before the awards’ ceremony backdrop, she looked radiant in a floor-length green gown, holding her Grammy clutched in both hands at her waist. Dawn. He could almost hear her voice whispering to him in the darkness. Making him feel that everything would be okay. Was he really going to push her away? Give her up? Go back to feeling so alone that he shut out everyone in his life except Owen?

Kellen closed his eyes and swallowed. Yes. He was going to do exactly that. He’d been weak for one night, but would never give in to that weakness again.

“Wow,” Owen said. “She’s hot. I’d tap that.”

Kellen’s eyes flipped open as a surge of panic flooded his chest. Owen could seduce anyone if he put his mind to it. Probably even Dawn. “What about Caitlyn? I thought you really liked her.”

“I do,” Owen said. “I wouldn’t tap that now, but a couple days ago, before I met Caitlyn, I would have totally tapped that. She’s stunning. And she plays piano. Musicians are hot.”

Kellen chuckled when Owen pointed at himself, pursed his lips, and offered a suggestive toss of his head.

Turning to his iPad again, Owen tapped a few screens and stirring piano music began to play from the device.

“She more than plays piano,” Kellen said. “It’s as if her soul comes pouring out of the instrument.”

Owen looked up at him and then snorted before bursting into laughter. “Oh God, man, you have got it bad for this chick.”

Kellen shook his head. “It was just a one-night hook-up.”

“Riiight. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it. So I’m ordering flowers for Caitlyn. You should get some for Dawn O’Reilly.”

He would not be sending Dawn flowers. She might think he was still interested, which he was, but he didn’t want her to think that.

“Flowers already?” Kellen asked. “Didn’t take you long to mess up.”

“It wasn’t my fault. When Lindsey showed up, Caitlyn flipped out and left. Not that I blame I her. I mean”—he made explosion sounds and opened his hands in bursts around his head—“mind blown.”

“And no one is claiming this kid besides you? You weren’t the only one who had sex with the girl that night.”

“A paternity test will straighten it all out in a few months, but she’s under enough stress, you know. It doesn’t hurt to be nice to her and treat her like a human being.”

Kellen wouldn’t expect anything less from his friend, but his kindness might just come back to bite him in the ass. If Lindsey got too attached to him, he might be stuck with her for life, even if he wasn’t the baby’s father. But maybe Owen wanted that. He liked people to depend on him. Which was good, because Kellen depended on him in a big way.

Owen pointed at images of flowers on his tablet. “So should I send her roses or a mixed bouquet? And chocolates too, right? Too soon for jewelry?”

“Owen, I’m not sure…”

“You’re right. She’s not the kind of woman who wears much jewelry. What do you think she would like? Perfume? Or… I could send her chicken panties. Yeah, that’s perfect. She’d get a kick out of that.”

Chicken panties? Kellen was afraid to ask why she’d think chicken panties were the perfect gift.

“Some women feel uncomfortable when you buy them gifts,” he said. “Especially early in a relationship.” And Kellen took Caitlyn for that type of woman.

“I just want to keep her thinking about me,” Owen said. “And let her know I’m thinking about her.”

“Did you call her?”

“Yeah, like five times. She keeps joking that she has to get something done besides talking to me all day.”

“So she knows you’re thinking about her.”

Owen smiled as he purchased whatever silly pair of panties had caught his eye. “Should I send them to her office?”

“Panties? Uh, no. I don’t think she’d appreciate that.”

“Then I need her home address.” He started texting on his phone.

Kellen slapped himself in the forehead. So much for Owen following any advice. But he was smiling as he read Caitlyn’s reply. Owen looked so fucking happy that Kellen hated to put a damper on things, but he really needed to talk to him about the elephant that was always in the room these days.

“Owen,” Kellen said, “we need to talk about…” He took a deep breath and blew out his cheeks. Jeez, this was going to be even harder than he imagined. “…about all that kinky shit we did together.”

Owen read from his phone and typed Caitlyn’s address into his tablet. “Which kinky shit?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

He looked totally disconnected from the conversation, and Kellen really needed him to be serious. “Do you mean me assisting you with tying women up so you could eat them out because you were afraid they might touch you?”

“No. I mean the other stuff.” He lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. “The touching each other stuff. That we did. To each other.”

“It was good for me. Was it good for you?” He laughed, and Kellen should have known Owen would try to make light of it. Getting him to confront anything serious was near impossible. So Kellen would just have to plow ahead and hope Owen took his words to heart.

“I want to apologize to you.”

“For what? Making me come really hard? I honestly didn’t mind.”

“I only touched you because I wanted someone to touch me back.”

“And there’s always a girl waiting to do just that.” Owen lifted his gaze from his cellphone before he’d finish sending his latest text. “So is this the conversation where you tell me you’re gay?”

“But I’m not gay.”

“And neither am I, so let’s forget about it and move on.”

“I’m not finished apologizing to you.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” Owen’s voice rose, as if he were angry that Kellen was even bringing this up. “I don’t want your fucking apology. I just want to drop it, so drop it.”

“But I used you, Owen.”

“I use women all the time. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal. You’re my best friend, and I made you do something you wouldn’t normally do.”

“You didn’t make me do anything. I know you’ve been suffering, and I’d rather give you the occasional hand job than watch you mope around like your life is over. Your life isn’t fucking over, Kellen. Sara’s life ended, not yours.”

His words were like a slap across the face.

“Do you think you need to tell me that?” Kellen yelled. “I live with that every fucking day of my life.”

“Well someone has to remind you; you’re apparently too stupid to see it on your own. And now you find some beautiful woman who might have a fighting chance of putting Sara in her grave where she belongs, and you can’t even find the balls to tell her you’re leaving.”

Kellen was too stunned to reply. Owen had never gone off on him like that. Ever. He’d always been so understanding and careful to spare Kellen’s feelings.

“Well…” Kellen sputtered. “Maybe I’ll see her again and maybe I won’t. It’s none of your business.”

“You won’t,” Owen said. “I know you won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re still wearing Sara’s cuff.”

Kellen looked down at his wrist and yep, there it was, right where he’d promised himself he’d never put it again.

Owen dove across the table and grabbed Kellen’s left forearm in both hands. “Give me that fucking thing. If you won’t get rid of it, I will.”

Owen shoved his back against Kellen’s chest to keep him pinned in the booth while he jerked on the buckles holding the cuff in place. Kellen didn’t know why he was fighting Owen. He’d love for someone to remove Sara’s burden from his wrist, but by the time Jacob wandered onto the bus and pulled them apart, they were both bruised and disheveled. Owen had the cuff in his hand, and Kellen had a scrap of Owen’s T-shirt clutched in his fist.

“What the fuck?” Jacob said, holding Owen in a headlock. “Never thought I’d see the day when you two came to blows.”

“Give me my fucking cuff back, asshole,” Kellen said, yanking his wrist free from Jacob’s steely grip.

“You took his cuff?” Jacob asked.

“He doesn’t need it anymore,” Owen yelled.

“I agree,” Jacob said, “but don’t you think he should get rid of it willingly? It just symbolizes Sara; it’s not Sara. Getting rid of the cuff isn’t going to change how he feels.”

Kellen wasn’t so sure. He’d had a whole lot of fun and shared a whole lot of intimacy with Dawn when the cuff had been off his arm the night before. He didn’t know why he had such an emotional connection to a piece of jewelry. It was stupid. Like a little kid who wouldn’t give up his security blanket because he was convinced the boogie man lived under his bed.

“Then he won’t care if I burn it,” Owen said.

“Don’t!” Kellen’s voice cracked. Already his wrist felt exposed without the cuff in place. “I tried to throw it away last night, but it came back to me.”

“You did?” Owen asked, his stance shifting to one that was still guarded, but not threatening.

Kellen nodded. “I threw it in the ocean and it immediately washed back ashore.”

“Try throwing it into a volcano and see if it comes back to you then,” Owen said.

Kellen glared at him.

Jacob released Owen and pointed at the dining table. “Both of you sit down and talk this out. There’s no sense in letting misunderstandings and petty arguments come between friends when everything can be solved with a simple conversation.”

“Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black,” Owen said.

Yeah, that was some pretty hypocritical advice coming from Jacob.

“What?” Jacob said.

“Uh, you’ve been holding a grudge against Adam for how many years now?” Owen said. “And for why?”

“But you and Kellen never fight. Adam and I have always had differences.”

Owen looked at Kellen and held the cuff in his direction. “Here,” he said. “Put it back on if it makes you feel better.”

Kellen’s hand felt like a leaden weight. His breathing became shallow. His lips trembled. He could feel the pressure of tears behind his eyes as his throat tightened until he thought he’d suffocate. For what? For a stupid strap of leather? It wasn’t Sara. Wearing it didn’t really keep her close. It wasn’t even a tribute to his memories of her. It just made him miserable.

“Get rid of it,” he said breathlessly.

Owen drew his clenched fist to his chest, holding the bracelet against him as if to comfort it. Kellen couldn’t take his eyes off the black strap. He was tracking it like a cat preparing to pounce.

“Are you sure?” Owen said. “You know I can’t stand you to be mad at me.”

“I’m sure. Do it quick before I change my mind.”

Owen brushed past him and hurried down the bus steps. Jacob caught Kellen’s arm when after a few very long seconds, he turned to follow Owen.

“Stick to your guns, man.”

Kellen nodded and sank onto a sofa. He stared down at his bare wrist. It looked as foreign as it felt. The skin was a shade paler than that of his hand and forearm. So even though the cuff was gone, the evidence was still there. He closed his eyes and massaged his arm with his free hand.

“You know what you need?” Jacob said, taking a seat beside him.

“A bottle of whiskey?”

“A wristwatch.” Jacob unfastened the analog watch he sometimes wore before a concert—he was paranoid about being late and had a hard time reading digital clocks correctly. He handed the watch to Kellen. Kellen appreciated the gesture, but he didn’t think it would help. He put it on anyway and while it wasn’t the same as wearing a cuff—the watch band was cold metal, a bit looser, and about half the thickness of his bracelet—it did make his wrist feel less exposed and he wasn’t compelled to massage it, as if he had cuff obsessive-compulsive disorder.

“Thanks.”

Jacob slapped him on the back and then rose from the sofa. “Now you just have to make sure I get to the show on time.”

Ah, so there was a catch.

Kellen reached for the clasp on the back of the watch’s silver band. “I don’t need—”

Jacob’s hand circled Kellen’s wrist. “Wear it until you get your head out of your ass.”

Kellen laughed. “So you’re not expecting this back anytime soon?”

“However long it takes.”

Owen returned to the bus a short while later. Kellen had a bit of blue rope in one hand and was rubbing it with his thumbs, remembering how it had looked against Dawn’s pale skin.

“So you traded a cuff for a watch and a piece of rope?”

Kellen didn’t respond. He didn’t want to talk to Owen at the moment. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, but he did crave the feel of Dawn’s arms around him and the feel of her soft breasts pressing into his chest. He missed her. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her eyes sparked when she was perturbed. The sound of her voice. The way her fingers moved across her piano keys. Across his skin. Her. He missed her.

Shit. He couldn’t allow himself to think about Dawn right now.

He poked the piece of rope under the cuff on his right wrist.

Owen went back to buying Caitlyn gifts on the Internet and chuckling at various text messages that binged onto his phone every thirty seconds or so. Jacob had disappeared into the bathroom. Kellen wondered where Gabe and Adam were. The bus felt really empty. He had an uncharacteristic need to be surrounded by people and, as a loner, it felt strange to admit that to himself.

“What did you do with it?” Kellen asked in one of the pauses between Owen’s text message alerts.

“I buried it,” Owen said.

“Someplace nice?”

“Yeah.”

Kellen nodded, grateful that Owen hadn’t tossed Sara’s cuff in a dumpster or flushed it down the toilet. Kellen stood, deciding he’d go watch the crew set up the stage. Something to keep him busy so that his thoughts didn’t stray to his missing cuff or the continual turbulence in his soul. Or to the woman who had calmed that turmoil by creating the most beautiful melody he’d ever heard and held nothing back when she’d held him in her arms.

Kellen was halfway to the door when Lindsey climbed the stairs. Their band’s twenty-two-year-old lackey, Jordan, was right behind her, carrying several sacks of groceries and chattering about NASCAR. Kellen retreated toward the back of the bus so he didn’t have to brush against them on his way through the narrow corridor. Lindsey took the sacks from Jordan one at a time and set them on a counter in the kitchenette. She looked so much like Sara it was actually painful to look at her, but pain didn’t stop Kellen from staring. Would Sara have looked that beautiful pregnant? With his child growing in her womb? They’d talked about having kids before she’d gotten sick. At the time, he had been a bit hesitant about all the responsibility a child entailed, but if she’d had a baby, a bit of her would have been left behind. Part of her, mixed inseparably with part of him, would have lived on.

Kellen started when someone bumped into his back. Jacob grasped Kellen’s shoulders from behind and squeezed. “There’s just something sexy about a pregnant woman,” he said. “When Tina was pregnant with Julie, I couldn’t keep my hands off her.”

Uh… Was Jacob lusting after Lindsey? Weird. Especially since the baby was some other man’s. Maybe. At least Jacob liked kids. What if the kid was Adam’s? Adam detested kids. And what would Gabe do if it turned out to be his? A dude could go crazy wondering about such things. It was no wonder that Lindsey had insisted it was Owen’s. Not knowing whose child you were carrying had to be a serious mind-fuck. And what would it be like to give birth to a child created out of lust, not love?

“She’s cute,” Kellen agreed, so that Jacob would stop squeezing his shoulders.

“You know who would look fuck hot pregnant?” Jacob asked, still watching Lindsey like some predator.

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

“Amanda.”

Fuck, he said it.

“Don’t you think you should date a woman for more than a week before you start trying to knock her up?” Kellen asked.

Jacob slapped him on the back of the head. “I’m not going to knock her up. I just think she would look hot pregnant.”

“I don’t think you should tell her that.”

Jacob chuckled. “You’re probably right.”

“Thank you, Jordan,” Lindsey said loudly, cutting him off in the middle of a description of his favorite driver’s car. She’d been patiently listening to him prattle for several long minutes. Jordan was very good at prattling and bad at recognizing shut-up-now cues. “I think they need your help outside.”

“They do?” Jordan glanced toward the open bus door. “I was going to help you make sandwiches for the guys.”

“I’ve got a handle on it,” she said. “Go on now.”

“If you need anything,” he said, “anything at all, just ask.”

“I will. Thanks for giving me a ride to the store.”

Jordan stood there for another long minute, raking a hand through his dirty-blond hair, before finally turning to leave.

Lindsey released a relieved-sounding breath and began to remove fresh-baked sandwich rolls and deli meat and cheese from her grocery sacks. “Owen, what do you want on your sandwich?”

“Pastrami and rye?” Kellen teased him with a wink.

“Do I look like I got laid today?”

“Huh?” Lindsey said, turning to look at him.

“Nothing,” Owen said, “Turkey and cheddar is fine if you’ve got it.”

“Shade?” Lindsey asked.

“What?” Jacob answered.

“What do you want on your sandwich?”

“You don’t have to make me a sandwich,” he said. “Go sit down and put your feet up. You look a little tired.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted. “I can’t just sit here all day and consume your oxygen. I want to do something.”

“You’re incubating a baby,” Jacob said. “That’s plenty.”

“But it’s not. I didn’t come here to be a pain in the ass,” she said.

“You didn’t?” Owen teased. “You were sure making a go of it when you first arrived.”

“I know I had a major meltdown last night,” she said. “I’m sorry you all had to see that. You try riding next to a grizzly bear of a truck driver who insists on calling you sweet-tits. We’ll see how rational you are after fourteen hours of thinking you’re going to be raped, murdered, and fed to the load of hogs in the back of his semi.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’d like anyone to call me sweet-tits for fourteen hours,” Owen said.

Lindsey giggled.

“You hitchhiked here?” Kellen asked.

“Stupid, I know, but I was desperate. What do you want on your sandwich, Cuff?”

Kellen didn’t care. “Roast beef?”

“Shade?” she asked Jacob again.

“Yeah, roast beef sounds good. I still think you should sit down and let us make our own damned sandwiches.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not going to force myself into your lives.” She peeked at Owen over her shoulder, but he was back to texting on his cellphone, so he didn’t notice. “I just need a little help until I can get on my feet. I’m not a mooch.”

“You shouldn’t be on your feet at all,” Jacob insisted. He moved to stand beside her and placed a hand on her lower back. “You should be resting.”

“No, I shouldn’t be resting; I should be working. Making money. I have a baby to support. I held onto my apartment for as long as possible while I looked for a job after Mrs. Weston fired me. That ate up my savings quickly, and I ended up completely broke. Hopefully I can find a job in Austin real soon and set up a little house for me and the baby so his father can come visit him as much as he can.” She rubbed her belly and gazed longingly at Owen again.

Kellen wasn’t sure if Owen was intentionally ignoring her or just oblivious that he was the main topic of her conversation. She obviously thought her baby was Owen’s. Or she wanted it to be. Kellen didn’t want it to be. He wanted his friend to have kids with someone he was in love with.

Also watching someone who looked so much like Sara pine for his best friend was a total mind fuck. Kellen would buy Lindsey a twenty-bedroom mansion in Hawaii if it meant he didn’t have to see her looking all pregnant and beautiful and alive. But since he was waiting on a sandwich, he might as well sit down for now.

Kellen slid into the booth next to Owen. Owen glanced up to meet Kellen’s eyes, his expression a mixture of fear, disgust, and desperation. He might be pretending that this thing with Lindsey wasn’t affecting him, but Kellen saw through the pretense. He wanted to get Owen out of this jam, but he didn’t know how. This wasn’t just some overzealous groupie who could be dissuaded; there was a baby involved. A baby who needed a father. Any father—even a reluctant one—was better than no father at all.

“So what kind of work will you be looking for?” Kellen asked Lindsey.

“Something in banking,” she said. She set a plate in front of Owen. “Assuming I can get a decent recommendation from my last employer.” She brushed her bangs out of her face and held them back with one hand as she stared into nothingness. “We didn’t exactly part on good terms. I sort of called her a frigid bitch.”

“Thanks for the sandwich,” Owen said quietly, not looking at her.

Yes, Owen, ignore the problem. That fixes everything.

While Lindsey was distracted with failing to gain Owen’s attention, Jacob took her place at the counter to slap together more sandwiches.

As soon as Lindsey saw what he was doing, she grabbed him by one arm and shoved him into the booth across from Kellen and Owen. “Please, Shade, just give me this. Okay? I know it doesn’t make up for much, but I have to contribute something.”

“Will you just let the girl make you a sandwich?” Kellen said.

Owen hadn’t touched his food yet and was texting faster than ever. Kellen snatched the phone out of his hand. “Your text can wait until you’re done eating.”

“Yes, Mommy,” Owen said.

Owen glanced at Lindsey’s back, turned a shade paler, and then reached for his sandwich. He took a small bite, as if worried she’d dosed it with a love potion. Owen really needed to talk about this. Kellen felt bad for having his phone off the night before and for keeping the topics of their earlier conversations all about himself.

“Hey, Lindsey,” Kellen said, “could I get that sandwich to go? I forgot that Owen and I have somewhere we need to be in ten minutes.”

“Sure,” she said, offering Owen a disappointed glance.

“Where?” Jacob asked.

Kellen kicked him under the table. “You know. That thing we always do eight hours before a concert?”

“Masturbate?” Jacob said in all seriousness.

Kellen touched his fingertips to his forehead and shook his head in disbelief. Owen sniggered, then chuckled, and then burst into laughter as if Jacob had just delivered the greatest punch line of all time. Yeah, Kellen definitely needed to let the man vent. He was about to explode.

Lindsey opened a drawer in the tiny kitchen area and rummaged through the contents. “Are there any baggies around here?”

“Not since Adam went straight,” Jacob said.

Owen laughed so hard, he was in danger of splitting both sides. Kellen slipped out of the booth and dragged Owen out behind him by the torn front of his shirt.

“Don’t worry about wrapping it up,” Kellen said, collecting his sandwich from Lindsey’s hand. “I’ll just carry it like this.” He took a huge bite and smiled at her. “Thanks,” he said with a full mouth. “I’m starving.”

He made sure that Owen was carrying his sandwich before he shoved him toward the door. Kellen wasn’t sure where he was taking Owen, but the bus was apparently the worst place for him at the moment.

“Do you need a ride to the hotel?” a man dressed in a black suit and tie asked as soon as they stepped off the bus.

“Yes,” Kellen said. “We need to take our bags to our rooms.”

“Is that the thing we always do eight hours before a concert?” Owen asked.

“No, we masturbate. Remember?”

Owen smiled and snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. In the back of the limo. Hope you have some tissues in the back seat,” he said to the limo driver, patting him hard on the shoulder.

Owen took a big bite of his sandwich and headed to the door that hid a baggage compartment under the bus.

“Don’t worry,” Kellen said to the stunned driver who visibly relaxed at Kellen’s placation. “I’m sure he has his own supply of tissues in his bag.”

“If not, I’ll just use your shirt.” Owen looked at Kellen and jerked, as if taken aback by his lack of shirt. “Where’s your shirt, bro?”

“Where do you think, Jizz-o-matic Plus?”

“Sorry about that. We really need to stock up on more tissues.”

When the driver was busy digging around in the trunk of the limo—probably for tissues—Owen and Kellen performed their secret victory handshake. Fucking with people was great fun. Owen had relaxed twenty-fold since they’d left Lindsey’s company. So how exactly did he plan to put up with the chick for the next three months—and if the baby did turn out to be his, put up with her forever?

Owen yanked Kellen’s overnight bag from the luggage compartment and handed it to him while he rummaged around for his own bag. By the time their baggage was in the limo’s trunk, the driver was in a panic.

“It seems I’m out of tissues,” he said.

“And I’m out of shirts,” Kellen said.

“That’s okay,” Owen said to the driver. “I’ll just use your sock. Hand it over.”

Kellen knew it would give up their juvenile gig, but he couldn’t help but laugh when the driver winced and then bent to remove his shoe.

“Dude!” Owen said, pounding the driver on the shoulder. “We’re just fucking with you. I don’t need your sock or a tissue.”

The driver’s shoulders sagged with relief.

“Kelly swallows.”

Kellen slugged Owen half-heartedly and took another bite of his sandwich before sliding through the open back door of the limo.

“That was a joke too,” he heard Owen say outside. “Lighten up a little, man.”

“I apologize, sir,” the driver said stiffly. “My regular passengers don’t usually joke about such things.”

“What do they joke about?”

“Uh, the stock market mostly, sir.”

“Hmm, I’m afraid I’m not sophisticated enough to joke about the stock market, but I do know a joke about a donkey, three potatoes, and a sailor.”

“Owen, get in the car,” Kellen said. He was glad Owen was more himself now that they were out of Lindsey’s presence, but he still wanted to have a serious conversation with him. If Owen ended up in an anus-and-fart-joke frame of mind, there was no way Kellen would be able to get him to have an adult discussion. He’d be too busy trying to make Kellen laugh.

Owen entered the car and sat next to Kellen. “Good sandwich,” he said and took another bite. “Anything to drink in the minibar?”

Kellen opened the small fridge to his left and fished out a pair of beers. “Are you comfy?” Kellen asked him as he handed him a cold bottle.

Owen squirmed around in his seat. “Yep.”

“Good. Start talking.”

“About what?”

“What happened after I left last night?” Kellen opened the twist top on his beer and took a long drag.

Owen told him about Lindsey showing up unannounced and Caitlyn beating a trail out of there as fast as she could go.

“She was really upset,” Owen said

“Because she likes you and she probably wonders how it can possibly work out between the two of you now that you have a baby on the way.”

“I don’t think it’s mine,” Owen said.

“Then why are you the one taking responsibility for it?”

“Because no one else would.”

“So you had to stick your neck out and be the nice guy? Owen, sometimes you have to put yourself first.”

“If you saw the look on Lindsey’s face, you’d have done the same thing. She’s better today. Last night, she had a complete emotional meltdown and everyone was treating her like she’s toxic.”

“And you’re treating her like that today.”

Owen winced. “I am? I’m not trying to. I just really don’t want this to mess up things with Caitlyn. I should have gone after her last night, not let her walk away. I was just completely stunned that she took it so hard.”

“Didn’t her husband have an affair with a younger woman?”

Owen nodded. “Yeah, so? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Lindsey is younger. And hot. And very pregnant. Maybe Caitlyn felt threatened.”

“She shouldn’t. I haven’t been able to think of anything but her all day. And I can’t seem to stop texting her and calling her. She’s going to think I’m a desperate loser.”

“Because you are.”

Owen’s response was to slug Kellen in the arm.

“So how are you going to be with Caitlyn when Lindsey’s around?” Kellen asked.

“I can be just friends with Lindsey.”

“You can be just friends with a hot woman who wants you?”

“Yeah.”

“Owen, if you really want to be with Caitlyn, you need to stay away from Lindsey as much as possible. She’s vulnerable and interested and you’re easy.”

“I’m not easy.”

Kellen lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Okay, I’m totally easy. But I don’t have to be.”

“So what are you going to do with Lindsey?”

“We’ll get her a place to stay. Help her with medical bills and stuff. It’s not like we can’t afford it.”

“Are we sure she’s not just making up this whole thing so she can have a free place to stay?”

“You sound like Adam.”

“He does have a lot of experience with mooches. His father, for instance.”

“So what do you think we should do with her? We can’t just toss her out in the street. And there is no way she’s going on tour with us.”

Kellen sighed. There really was no easy solution to the problem. “We can set her up in a place in her hometown.”

“I mentioned that to her last night—tried to convince her that she’d be better off around her family and friends back home—and she cried for over an hour. Apparently her family has disowned her.”

“Oh.”

“I thought maybe my mom could keep an eye on her while we’re on tour. You know what Mom’s like. She loves these little charity cases.”

Kellen knew exactly what Owen’s mom was like. He’d been one of her charity cases, after all.

“Besides,” Owen continued, “Mom’s been bugging Chad for grandchildren ever since he proposed to Josie. Maybe this will get her off his case.”

“Because she already has a grandchild on the way?”

“It’s not mine. You were there. Was I wearing a condom?”

“Yeah.”

“End of story.”

Not necessarily, but Kellen figured it wouldn’t do any good to argue about the baby’s possible parentage. They’d just have to wait until this thing played out.

“So I guess you have this all figured out. You didn’t need to talk to me about it after all.”

“I always need to talk to you, Kelly. Seems I wasn’t the only one who had an adventurous time last night. How’d you do at the house?”

Kellen shook his head. “I never went inside. I was out on the beach, trying to throw away that damned cuff you gave me, when I heard a piano melody that lifted me out of the depression that’s been holding me under for five years.”

“A song? Is that how you met Dawn? I wondered how you hooked up with her.”

“She’s renting the house next to mine while she works; she says the sea inspires her compositions. I knocked on her door so I could hear the song she was working on.”

“And then you got busy with her.” Owen slugged him in the thigh. “You stud.”

“It was more than that. We talked and she shared her music with me and then…” Kellen winked at Owen. “Then I got busy with her.”

“When are you going to see her again?” Owen asked.

“Never.” It made his heart hurt to say it, but it had to be that way. There wasn’t a woman alive who deserved to make do with what was left of his heart. And someone like Dawn deserved a man who could give her the moon and stars. Devote every piece of himself to her happiness. He just didn’t have that much to give her. He’d already given it all to Sara.

“You’re an idiot,” Owen said.

“And you’re the relationship master?”

“I don’t deny that I suck at relationships,” Owen said, “but at least I’m trying.”

The limo pulled to a stop outside of the hotel. Kellen tossed his half-eaten sandwich into the seat and climbed out. He had tried. He’d opened himself up to Dawn faster than he’d let his guard down with anyone. Even Sara. Even Owen. But it just wouldn’t work. And if he fell in love with another woman and she left him—on purpose or through no fault of her own—then Kellen didn’t think he’d survive. How much of a heart did a man require to maintain a pulse? He was sure it was more than he had left to spare.

Chapter Twelve

Kellen pretended to watch I Love Lucy reruns while he hid in a hotel room with most of his band. Adam was sketching realistic-looking boobs as he used the hotel phone to schedule some debauchery with his woman in New Orleans. Gabe was tinkering with the mechanisms of some crazy invention that had Kellen cocking his head in confusion—what in the hell was that thing? Owen fiddled with his cellphone the entire evening to prove once and for all that he was a desperate loser. Jacob had never made it to the hotel. Kellen could only guess what he and Lindsey were up to back on the bus. Probably picking out baby names.

By the time they were sitting in the limo and headed back to the stadium, Kellen was ready to climb out of his skin. Why had he told Owen to dispose of Sara’s cuff? He had been fine without it when Dawn had been available to distract him, but now that he was alone with his thoughts, he found himself back in his ugly place. His very dark and oppressing ugly place. Should he call Dawn? He didn’t have her number. Should he drive back to Galveston after their show in New Orleans? No, he was sure she never wanted to see him again. And in his note to her, he’d made it clear that he wasn’t interested.

Except he was interested.

And he hated himself for the weakness.

“I’m going to punch you if you don’t get out of your funk,” Owen said. “I thought all your doom and gloom was caused by your lack of sex, but you got laid last night, so what gives?”

“You got laid last night?” Adam’s dark eyebrows shot up toward his hairline.

“Yeah, by an elegant, classy, redheaded babe,” Owen said.

“Were you there?” Adam asked.

Owen shook his head. “I Googled her.”

Kellen sighed in exasperation. “I’ve told you a million times that my funk, as you call it, has little to do with sex.”

“Then you must be doing it wrong,” Gabe said and ran a hand along the row of red-tipped hair spiked down the middle of his head.

“Probably,” Kellen said.

“If you need some inspiration, I could hook you up with some gadgets I… uh… bought,” Gabe said.

“He doesn’t need any gadgets.” Owen said. “He’s not seeing her again.”

If Kellen hadn’t been used to Owen spewing everyone’s business all the time, he probably would have hit him. He was in that bad a mood.

“Nothing wrong with getting your rocks off and splitting as soon as you can get away,” Adam said. “Before Madison, that was the only way I rolled.”

Kellen didn’t bother telling them that it wasn’t like that. He hadn’t actually wanted to leave Dawn. He’d felt that he’d had to, but his friends would probably take his denial as admittance. He’d rather not talk about last night or this morning and just forget about the whole thing. As if that were possible.

But he could pretend things were the same as they’d been for the past five years. They’d just think he was being moody.

At the stadium, several security guards escorted them inside. The backstage area was packed. The band was supposed to be entertaining a large group of VIPs. Luckily, most of them wanted to hang around with their lead singer, Jacob, who had no problem keeping two dozen women enthralled. The dudes in the crowd immediately surrounded either Adam—their guitar hero—or Gabe—the man behind the skins. Kellen was grateful that he went relatively unnoticed as he snuck past the crowd on his way to the dressing room. He had his eyes trained on the sign that said “Band members only. No guests.”

“Kellen!” someone yelled from the crowd behind him.

He froze. He knew that voice.

“Wait!”

Some kind of bizarre reverse psychology had him jogging toward the dressing room. Just before he stepped over the threshold into the safe zone, a hand caught his arm.

He took a deep breath and turned slowly to face her. Best get this over with.

He searched Dawn’s face for clues. What was she doing here? He backed into the dressing room. And guest or not, she followed him inside and closed the door behind her.

Dawn pressed a crumpled wad of paper into Kellen’s chest. Her eyes were alight with passion and fire.

She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“A Dear Dawn letter?” she spat at him. “We share the most amazing night of my life, and you leave me with nothing but a Dear Dawn letter?”

He was at a loss. Didn’t she understand that leaving that way had been the kindest thing he could have done for her?

“Take it back,” she demanded, shoving the paper harder into his chest. “Take it back, Kellen!”

He took the wad of paper from her hand, basking in the heat of her fury, blooming in her light. She was his fire. His Dawn.

“Did last night mean nothing to you?”

“It meant everything to me,” he said. And now that she was here, in all her radiant glory, he couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t deny her. He couldn’t deny himself.

“Then why did you leave? Why, Kellen?” Her voice cracked, and she might as well have taken a hammer and chisel to his heart.

“Because,” he said breathlessly. “Because I’ll never have enough to give. I’ll never be enough. You deserve more than me, Dawn. Better than me. You deserve someone who can love you with everything he is, was, or will become. And I… I already gave that to someone else.”

“You don’t get to decide that, Kellen Jamison,” she said, her eyes narrowed dangerously.

He fought the urge to drag her into his arms and kiss her silent.

“Who I deserve is up to me, not you. I say you’re enough for me—you’re more than enough—so you are. If you don’t feel anything for me, that’s different; I’ll let you go if you want to go. But if you do feel something and the only reason you left is for my sake, I won’t stand for it. Do you understand? Walking away from me does not save me heartache, Kellen. It causes it.”

He looked away, wanting to believe they could be together or at least give it a Herculean effort, but he knew in his heart that he couldn’t make her happy. And more than anything, he wanted her to be happy. He never wanted to dampen her light or extinguish her fire. He couldn’t stomach the thought of doing that to her.

Her fingertips pressed over his pounding heart, and he wanted to push her hand away, wanted to turn his back on her, wanted to flee, but his fucking legs had forgotten how to move.

“Look me in the eye, Kellen, and tell me you don’t want to be with me, and I’ll leave.”

He forced himself to meet her phenomenal hazel eyes and opened his mouth to tell her to get lost for her own damned good, but his tongue was in total disagreement with his common sense.

“Nothing would make me happier than to be with you, Dawn O’Reilly.”

Her eyes lit up with hope. “Nothing?”

It was a loaded question, and he took a moment to contemplate it. Was there anything or anyone—living or dead—that made him happier than he was in this woman’s arms? The answer was surprisingly easy. He didn’t have to compare his time with Dawn to anything in his past, he just had to let himself enjoy her in the here and now. That was what was important. There was nothing wrong with loving Sara forever as long as he made a little room for someone new in his heart. With time, that little room might accommodate more, until he could let Dawn be his everything. But for now, at least they had someplace to start. Kellen’s emotional doom clouds scattered before Dawn’s radiance, his defenses crumbled, and he smiled at her. Really smiled. So wide it made his face hurt.

“Nothing,” he said in all sincerity.

“Good,” she said, “because I’m not above tying you to my bed until you come to your senses, Kellen Jamison.”

Lord, how he admired the fire in her.

He laughed, and it didn’t feel forced. It felt good.

“I could teach you a thing or two about tying a person to your bed,” he teased.

“I don’t want a person tied to my bed,” she said, stepping close, so that only inches separated their bodies. “Just you. And I’d rather not have to resort to restraining you. I prefer you free.”

He preferred that as well. Even if it proved a very slow process to free him of the bonds that held him back, he was ready to be untied.

Kellen wrapped his arms around Dawn and drew her against him, claiming her mouth in a slow, deep kiss. A part of him still struggled with finding intimacy with a woman who wasn’t Sara. Another part of him was shouting that kissing Dawn O’Reilly, adoring her, was wrong. But the best part of him told those other two parts to fuck off.

When they separated, he cupped her lovely face in both hands and just stared. He was so glad she’d had the courage to fight for this because he’d needed that little push to help see what was right in front of him.

“Say, Rockstar,” she asked, “what are you doing after the show?”

“Hopefully just one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I could go for that. And what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Going to New Orleans.”

“Are you planning to run away from me again?”

“No. I thought maybe you’d like to come with me.”

She smiled and kissed his lips gently. “Yeah, I could go for that too, Kellen.”

“You can call me Kelly.”

She tilted her head and stared straight into his soul, which always seemed to warm under her attention. “Yeah, you do look like a Kelly.”

Good, because he felt like one.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I’d like to thank Wendy Christy for being the most faithful of beta readers, and the amazing Beth Hill for her fabulous editing skills. Thanks ladies for helping me make this a better story. And I’d like to thank my devoted fans, who make all the long hours toiling at the keyboard worth it.

WHAT’S NEXT

Next up is Gabe in Tell Me. He hasn’t been able to get Melanie out of his head since their first encounter, but he’s not sure if she’s ready to see what he has hidden in his bedroom. Will she be able to handle everything he has planned for her? And what is up with her best friend, Nikki? Is she off her meds or something?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Combining her love for romantic fiction and rock 'n roll, Olivia Cunning writes erotic romance centered around rock musicians. Raised on hard rock music from the cradle, she attended her first Styx concert at age six and fell instantly in love with live music. She's been known to travel over a thousand miles just to see a favorite band in concert. As a teen, she discovered her second love, romantic fiction -- first, voraciously reading steamy romance novels and then penning her own. She recently sold her snow shovel and moved from Nebraska to Galveston, Texas. She loves to spend time on the beach with her feet in the surf writing about naughty rock stars.

Content

Tie Me
One Night with Sole Regret 5
by
Olivia Cunning

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

WHAT’S NEXT

ABOUT THE AUTHOR