Compromising

Fraternizing - 2

By

C.C. Brown

Dedication

To the “Troops”!  Thank you all for loving Alex and Cassie and making them what they are. J

Playlist

“Pretty Noose” - Soundgarden

“Uprising” - Muse

“Shadow of the Day” - Linkin Park

“Land of Confusion” - Disturbed

“Rooster” - Alice in Chains

“Like You’ll Never See Me Again” - Alicia Keys

“I Stand Alone” - Godsmack

“Free” - Zac Brown Band

“Boulevard of Broken Dreams” - Green Day

“Goodbye in Her Eyes” - Zac Brown Band

“Best of You” - Foo Fighters

“In Bloom” - Nirvana

“Black” - Pearl Jam

“Let Me Down Easy” - Billy Currington

“Creep” -Radiohead

“Gorilla” - Bruno Mars

“Over Now” - Alice in Chains

“Grillz” - Nelly

“Say It Ain’t So” - Weezer

“The Man I Want To Be” - Chris Young

“Like A Star” - Corinne Bailey Rae

“Fall For You” - Secondhand Serenade

“Friends in Low Places” - Garth Brooks

“Whatever You Like” - T.I.

“Love Me When I’m Gone” - 3 Doors Down

“Wish You Were Here” - Pink Floyd

“When You’re Gone” - The Cranberries

“21 Guns” - Green Day

“Tears in Heaven” - Eric Clapton

“Mother Mother” - Tracy Bonham

“Wonderwall” - Oasis

“Sweet Annie” - Zac Brown Band

“Amazed” - Lonestar

“A Song For Mama” - Boys II Men

“Breathe Your Name” - Sixpence None The Richer

“Nothing Else Matters” - Metallica

Chapter 1

Alex

I’d spent the night in a lonely, barren barracks room worried sick about Cassie, but placated by the soft, soothing sound of the word yes as I was herded out of her hospital room. The look in her eyes—the sheer panic had made me want to rush back to her, hold her in my arms, and let her know that everything would be okay.

But I couldn’t.

I couldn’t do a fucking thing besides walk out with Gunny Chavez and Gunny Bokowski. To say I was pissed off would have been a world class understatement. I wasn’t pissed at them, per se, but I was pissed at First Sergeant O’Hara, and the cowardice that seemed to follow him like a foul stench. I’d lost a bit of respect for the man as everything went down. After all of the insults and bullshit in his office, I’d fully expected him to be the one to wrangle me in. Those chevrons on his collar hadn’t done shit for his balls. For every chevron he wore, he lost some fucking cojones, and I just didn’t think I could ever look at him the same.

My phone was confiscated from me, so I had no way of calling Cassie at the hospital, but as they marched me out of there, I was worried about one person.

Emmalyn fucking Bennett.

That walking disaster had strolled her ass in there, and lived up to every vile thing Cassie had already told me about her. The way she’d had little to no compassion for Cassie and what she had just gone through made me sick with violence. My head could not come to grips with the woman. What kind of mother would treat her only child the way she’d treated Cassie?

A bitch. That kind of woman.

I wanted to have Riley or Dalton go and sit in the hospital with her until she was cleared to leave. Only, I couldn’t. Leaving her with her mother was like blood for a shark. Emmalyn possessed a specialized amount of hatred that seized me with fear, put my heart on hold, and sent ice through my veins. Thinking about her strung me tighter than guitar strings, and the accompanying anxiety had me ready to break shit, so I tried to occupy my mind, but there were only so many push-ups and sit-ups I could do before I grew bored with them. There was no TV in my room, so the blank walls were all I had and a few magazines. My guests had been cut-off and anywhere I needed to go was under the watchful eyes of the OOD—Officer of the Day. It was as if I’d murdered a Marine instead of simply fucked one, but truthfully, if I’d had my way, that piece of shit, Allen would have been dead and gone.

My night had been long and tiresome. Partly because I was so worried about Cassie, but also because flashes of the attack came crashing back, taunting me with the fact that the motherfucker was still breathing. Cassie said he hadn’t stuck his dick inside of her but I couldn’t shake the visual of seeing his shit out and hard, and her huddled in the corner half-naked and crying. The fact that his shit got that close to her was bad enough. I’d wanted to kick the life out of that prick, and if it hadn’t been for Riley, I probably would have done it.

Besides being escorted to the chow hall and over to the seven day store, I wasn’t seeing the outdoors. Those twenty-four hours felt like days. The OOD had brought my uniforms to me, but besides him I’d had no outside communication. The bereft feeling was beginning to take hold of me, driving me fucking crazy with the ever present tick tock sounding off inside my head. My thoughts had begun to run wild, and at one point I’d even thought that once I was free of this place, and ready to make Cassie my wife, she wouldn’t want to go through with it. I kept imagining that she’d said yes on a whim, that she hadn’t exactly meant it, and that after she’d had time to think everything through she’d come to her senses and remember that we hadn’t been together for very long, and that marriage at this point was a bad idea.

If I weren’t already feeling the pain from my broken knuckle, I’d have punched the fucking wall. As enticing as the prospect of making another trip back to the hospital sounded, I knew it would be in vain. I knew that I’d be watched like a hawk, and any attempts at getting back to Cassie would be thwarted.

So…

I was left to rot in the prison cell that they called a barracks room and wait for my judgment day. The consequences of my forbidden relationship with Cassie were not what had me so worried, but where we would end up after the dust finally settled. Cassie was the only thing on my mind, and not being able to speak to her was damn near destroying me.

Monday morning came, and I was awakened by the pounding sounds on my door. I couldn’t recall falling asleep the night before. Staff Sergeant. Ryan—last night’s OOD—stood on the other side letting me know that he was getting ready to turn over to Staff Sergeant. Mitchell, and that I would be escorted down to First Sergeant O’Hara’s office by him. I nodded my head and shut the door, then made my way into the bathroom where I showered and then proceeded to get dressed.

I wasn’t going to run, and I didn’t need a sitter. Surely there was something much more pressing that these guys could have been doing with their time besides watching over me. Instead of voicing my frustrations, I went along for the ride, playing the hardened criminal who couldn’t be let out of anyone’s sight. If this shit weren’t keeping me away from Cassie, I probably would have laughed at it.

“Good morning, Sergeant,” Staff Sergeant. Mitchell greeted me as I walked out of the room and to the duty hut with him.

“Good morning, Staff Sergeant,” I coolly responded.

He signed me out in the fucking log book as if I were a piece of equipment being rented for the day. All I could do was shake my head as he led me down the duty vehicle, then over to the chow hall for breakfast.

“So you know you are to grab breakfast, eat quickly, and then get over to First Sergeant O’Hara’s office?”

“Yes, Staff Sergeant, I am aware.”

“Okay. I will be waiting for you out here.”

I stepped out of the vehicle and walked into the chow hall that was filled with Marines who looked unusually gleeful for such an early Monday morning. That happiness further eroded my already pissed off mood, and I hurried to get in line and grab my food, so I could go and deal with the prick who was missing a set of balls.

“Hey, Alex, how’s it going? I heard about everything that happened.”

I looked to find Corporal Collins standing before me, looking nervous as fuck. After what I’d heard from O’Hara, claiming that those around me had loose lips, I had my guard up where everyone was concerned.

“It’s going,” I muttered.

“Cassie is a good Marine. She didn’t deserve that. And I know—”

“Pfc. Bennett is just fine. I am fine. Everything is fine,” I grumbled, feeling overly annoyed by her desire to make her sympathies known. I damn sure wasn’t about to delve into anything with her. She was a friend of Leti, and my relationship with Cassie—out in the open or not—wasn’t going to make me get chummy with her. “If you don’t mind, I need to finish my breakfast so I can get on with my day.”

Her eyes drooped, almost making me feel bad. Collins had never done anything to make me believe she had a sinister bone in her body, but I was about to be chopped down a few notches, and my fucking girl was lying in a hospital bed after a psychotic maniac had attacked her. I just couldn’t find an ounce of give a fuck for Collins at the moment.

“Well, I hope it all works out for the best.” She turned and walked away. I scarfed my food down, then walked out of the chow hall where Staff Sergeant Mitchell stood waiting for me.

“All right, Sergeant Cruz, time to get you off to First Sergeant O’Hara.”

Fucking joy!

The short ride was made in absolute silence. The air was thick, making the ride nearly unbearable. Every OOD knew who I was and what I’d done, so questions were surely swirling around in their heads, but I wasn’t about to offer anything up to them. They didn’t deserve to know shit. What I’d done with Cassie was none of their business, and unless they were directly responsible for handing down my punishment, I wasn’t going to give them a damn thing.

We pulled up and exited the car. I stood straight up, adjusting my cover on my head before walking side by side with Mitchell. Every step I took inched me closer to the office of the man who would take every opportunity to berate me verbally again, and with the lack of respect that I was harboring for him, I had to convince myself that composure and respect—even if I didn’t feel like O’Hara deserved any of it—were in my best interest.

“Here we are, Sergeant Cruz. For what it’s worth, I hope you come out okay. I know the rules, but they don’t always apply to real life situations.”

He knocked on the door then stepped back. I was stunned that he’d given his personal thoughts, and even more so that he seemed to be leaning towards my side of things. It didn’t matter one way or the other, but to know that there weren’t a bunch of Jensens walking around put me a little more at ease.

“Come in,” O’Hara bellowed.

Mitchell pushed the door open, then motioned for me to walk in. “I have Sergeant Cruz, First Sergeant.”

“Thank you, Staff Sergeant Mitchell. You’re excused.”

Mitchell nodded his head then stepped out, leaving me alone with the man whose face had my blood boiling.

“You can go ahead and take a seat, Cruz. This won’t take too long.”

I stared at him for a second, convincing myself that as much as I wanted to be an asshole and disobey his order, I couldn’t do it. I was still a Marine, and like it or not, he warranted respect.

“As you know, your crime of fraternization carries hefty consequences, and I plan to deliver them swiftly. Sergeant Major Thomas spoke with Colonel Davis, and with my recommendation they have decided that you will not be promoted to the rank of Staff Sergeant. Your actions do not embody the characteristics needed to succeed as a Staff NCO in the Marine Corps. You lack judgment, morals, ethics, and downright common fucking decency. You have shamed me, and made a mockery of this schoolhouse, and your promotion has already been revoked. If I get my way, I’ll bust your ass all the way down to Private before kicking you out through a dishonorable discharge.”

I looked at him, nostrils flaring, but still unable to say anything for fear that whatever came out of my mouth would be the wrong thing.

“I am taking this shit to court-martial. You are being charged not only with fraternization, but also with assault.”

My eyes bulged. I couldn’t believe what he was saying and how low he was going to try and prove a point. “Assault, First Sergeant? If I may ask, assault on who?”

“On Private Allen. From everything I have heard, your attack was unwarranted. The firewatch was already engaged in a struggle with him, and you or Sergeant Riley could have easily restrained him, but you took it a step further, and now the guy is lying in a hospital bed struggling to heal.”

“With all due respect, First Sergeant, he had attacked a female. He was very close to raping her—”

“And you saw fit to protect that female in an unacceptable way.” He walked over and stopped directly in front of me. “If you weren’t fucking her, I highly doubt you would have reacted that way.”

The snarl of his words put me on attack mode. The pent-up aggression was ready to be released, and I was finding it hard to continue holding it in. “Are you married, First Sergeant?” I asked, seemingly baffling him.

His eyebrows scrunched tightly as he studied me. “That’s none of your fucking business, Cruz.”

“Well, First Sergeant, I’m asking because Cassie is my fiancé now. I didn’t fuck some random student for shits and giggles. I fell in love with her, and nothing you can do to me is going to hurt me because Allen did all the hurt that could be done and I still have her.” I looked down at his hand that clearly showed the sign that he was, in fact, married. “So as a married man, you know that you’d do anything to protect the woman you love.”

He swallowed hard, and I could tell I had gotten to him. He moved even closer to me, his face embedded with a deep scowl.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind. You better remember who you are speaking to, Cruz. This shit isn’t about me.”

“I’m speaking on my behalf, First Sergeant.”

“You don’t have a goddamned thing to say!” he yelled. “You’ve tricked some stupid Pfc. into marrying you, for what? BAH? Extra money? What?”

“Because I fucking love her, that’s why!” My words came out passion-filled and strong. I was no longer going to allow him to tear down what Cassie and I had. If he didn’t like it, too bad, but having him stand before me and try to minimize what she had done for me wasn’t going to fucking fly any longer. “These rules are put in place for a reason, and I know that, but I can’t help that I fell in love with her, and I’ll be damned if a rule gets in the way of that.”

The room grew silent as only our breaths filled the space. He was staring with anger in those beady eyes, and I was reciprocating it. I was done pretending that anything he could do to me was going to send me begging for mercy. There wasn’t shit he could do to me that would break what Cassie and I had, and it was time he knew it.

“I have an impeccable service record, and if this is my only blemish, then I guess my record is still damn near perfect. With all due respect, First Sergeant O’Hara, Cassie Bennett and I broke the rules. It wasn’t intentional, but it was meant to happen and I don’t regret it. So go ahead and do whatever you have to do to me to make me your example, but I’m telling you right now, I love her, and I won’t apologize for it.”

His eyes widened ever so slightly as if I had thawed the iciness inside of him. He cleared his throat, then stepped back. “Staff Sergeant Mitchell!”

The door opened, and Mitchell came walking in. “Yes, First Sergeant.”

“I need you in here.” He stepped over to his desk, then pulled out a couple of papers. “Sergeant Cruz, you are being charged with fraternization and assault. You have the right to remain silent. Any statement you make may be used as evidence against you in a trial by court-martial. You have the right to consult with legal counsel. This legal counsel may be a civilian lawyer retained by you at your own expense, a military lawyer appointed to act as your counsel without cost to you, or both. Do you understand these charges and your rights?”

“Yes, First Sergeant.” The low rumble of my voice shook my core. Anger brewed with every passing second.

“Here is your formal charge sheet, laying out the charges against you and stating that you have been informed and that you understand. I’ll need you to sign here.” He laid the paper down on the desk and sat his name engraved pen down next to it.

A firestorm grew inside of me. I knew what I was getting myself into when I embarked on my pursuit of Cassie, but now that shit was hitting the fan, and O’Hara—a man who I’d previously held so much respect for—had turned into such a supreme jackass. I signed the document, then angrily dropped the pen, and stepped back.

“You will be held on barracks restriction pending court-martial where you will be watched over and escorted by a Staff NCO at all times. I can’t trust the NCOs because it seems you have their blind allegiance to you. Do you see what you have done to my company?”

I didn’t respond. There was nothing else for me to say.

“You will report to Gunny Chavez once you are done with legal. You will no longer be used in an instructor billet, and you are to stay away from Pfc. Bennett. Do you understand that?”

I nodded my head, leaving out the courtesy of a verbal answer.

“Now get the fuck out of my office. Staff Sergeant Mitchell will escort you to legal where your counsel will instruct you on what is next for you.”

He turned and walked back to his desk, plopping down in the chair and picking up the phone. I turned and walked out, with Mitchell by my side. He looked me over, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth pulled into a tight line, no doubt wondering how I was able to remain so calm after the ass chewing that I had just received, but I walked to the car and waited for him to get in and take me over to base legal. O’Hara, whether he’d wanted to admit to it or not, knew he couldn’t intimidate me. I could tell that I had him rattled with my admission about Cassie, and to see the shock spread across his face put a level of satisfaction inside of me that had me feeling triumphant.

A quick drive across the base and we were in front of the base legal office. Mitchell got out of the car with me and walked me into the office, almost like a child being dropped off at school. This part of my punishment was beginning to piss me off.

“Staff Sergeant Mitchell, I’m not going anywhere. You don’t need to walk me everywhere I have to go.”

“I know, Sergeant, but I’m under orders.”

“Orders,” I grumbled, then removed my cover and walked into the building. The office was quiet; only a few Marines and their wives were inside awaiting the processing of their Power of Attorney papers. A red-headed Lance Corporal stood at the front desk, signing everyone in as they entered the building. I signed in then took a seat, looking around at everyone and picturing me and Cassie in here one day for the same thing.

“Sergeant Cruz,” the Lance Corporal called out, waking me from my thoughts.

“Right here.”

Mitchell stayed put in his seat, thankfully. I was beginning to worry that the guy would follow me to take a piss.

“I’m Lance Corporal Nelson. I just need you to fill out these forms, and then Captain Hedlund will be out shortly to take you.”

She slid a clipboard in front of me. I signed the forms then slid it back to her, and without saying another word, she took the forms and walked to the back offices. If I could get out of here and into a work environment, that would be the best thing for me. I didn’t want to go over every detail of my charges. I just wanted my mind occupied to keep it from wandering back to Cassie and settling on the worst.

“Sergeant Cruz, I’m Captain Hedlund. Come on back.”

I turned at the sound of his voice, then followed the short man back to his office. It was decked out in Marine Corps paraphernalia, his college degrees, and what looked like college football pictures.

“So, you understand why you are here today?” he asked, taking his seat.

“Yes, sir.”

“Since you are being charged with assault and fraternizing, my job is simply to minimize the damage and save your career. The fraternizing, from what I have been briefed on, is out in the open and confirmed by you. The assault…well, there are a few ways we can handle that.”

“Sir, as I told First Sergeant O’Hara this morning, I’m not afraid of what will become of me and the fraternizing charge. She wasn’t just some student who I slept with. I love her, so the assault charge is stemming from that.”

He stared at me then swallowed hard. I guess I had placed him in a pickle, but it worked because he dropped the formalities and sat back in his chair.

“The rules are the rules, Sergeant. We all know them, and it is our duty to follow them. Now, with that being said, the fact that you and Pfc. Bennett have something more, could work in your favor. It could play on the judge’s human side, even for a second, and I fully intend to use that. I will tell you this, though. First Sergeant O’Hara is out for blood. He is a scorned man, and he wants the gauntlet dropped on you. Major Godinez will be trying your case, and he has a ninety-two percent success rate. I’m going to need everything I can get to try and combat that.”

I wasn’t sure what he wanted—the deed had been done, and the dirty laundry had been aired. It was unclear how he would fight for me because a blind man could see I was guilty of what they were charging me with, but nonetheless, I listened to what he had to say.

“When did you first come into contact with Pfc. Bennett?”

“It was at a bar on the Friday before I picked up my new class.”

“So you did not know that she was to be a student of yours?”

“No, sir.”

“What happened between you two that night?”

“We danced for a while, that dance turned into a kiss, and probably would have turned into more if I hadn’t had to leave.”

He studied me for a minute. “So, just to be clear, have you actually slept with Pfc. Bennett?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And when did that first occur?”

“It was once she was my student.”

He blew out a breath. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but I wasn’t about to lie about it. There was no need.

“And this was a consenting encounter?”

“Yes, sir, and I think you should know that Cassie is now my fiancé. Like I said, this isn’t some fly by night sexual encounter because I just wanted to sleep with a student. This girl is going to be my wife.”

Captain Hedlund seemed placated by my words, nodding his head, putting me at ease. “Okay. I’m going to ask that the no contact order be lifted. I see no need in banning you since you are not the predator that First Sergeant O’Hara has painted you to be.”

There was that word again… predator. It burned my ears just listening to it. I hated the fact that, with one little word, my entire being was set ablaze. It was a derogatory word if I’d ever heard one, and it certainly didn’t fucking fit me.

“I’d appreciate that, sir. Can you tell me how she’s doing?”

“I understand she’ll be released from the hospital within the next couple of days. She is still attached to the schoolhouse, awaiting orders to a unit here on this base. She’s needed for the investigation into the assault against her.”

I nodded my head, feeling so much better after hearing that she was okay.

“I’m going to try and salvage as much of your career as I possibly can. From everything I’ve seen in your records, you are an exemplary Marine, and I am going to do my best at keeping it that way.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“You can head into work now. I’ll call you if there is anything I need to discuss with you.”

“You’ll have to call the duty, sir. I don’t have my phone.”

“Where is your phone?”

“It was taken away from me.”

“Hmm…All right, I’ll contact the duty if I need to speak to you this evening.”

I stood and shook his hand, then turned and walked out of his office to my awaiting babysitter.

++++

Staff Sergeant Mitchell took me to the schoolhouse, where a sudden rush of unease washed over me. The fact that First Sergeant O’Hara, a man I found to be pathetic in his own right, would be lurking around, was unsettling. I also didn’t feel like answering the shit ton of questions that I was sure would be heaved at me. This was probably the last place that I wanted to be.

I walked into the instructor lounge and found Gunny Chavez inside. He looked up from his morning coffee and newspaper reading, and motioned for me to come and take a seat with him.

“Good morning, Sergeant Cruz. How are you this morning?”

“I’m all right, Gunny.”

“Good to hear. I don’t think this comes as any surprise to you, but you will no longer be instructing. First Sergeant O’Hara had you removed from my instructor docket, so I will be placing you in Admin until all of this is settled.”

I couldn’t have been more pissed. A desk bitch? Gunny Chavez always seemed so level-headed, so unless this assignment was coming from O’Hara, Gunny Chavez was about to be categorized right along with him. “Was this your decision, Gunny?”

“No, I take my orders from First Sergeant.”

I sat quietly, stewing on the inside. It seemed every which way that I turned First Sergeant O’Hara was doing something to make my life a living fucking nightmare.

“Look, Alex. Fraternizing, as you already know, carries a heavy burden. I don’t pretend to know what I would do if I were in your shoes, but First Sergeant is pissed. And if anything, I would try and lay low, do what’s asked of you, and ride it out. I’ll do whatever I can to try and help you.”

“I always do what’s asked of me, Gunny, and I’m ready to take my consequences. So whatever happens, happens.”

He rubbed his hand over his mouth, looking over to me like I had somehow lost my fucking mind with no way of getting it back. “All right. Well, you’re to report to Admin. Stay out of trouble and ride it out.”

“You’ve got my word.”

I tapped the table then stood and walked out of the building. My heart stopped as I looked down the corridor and watched as the influx of students stood outside with the instructors, practicing for graduation. As much as I had gained by winning over Cassie, this part of my life was a painful loss. Not being able to see my class through to the end was a slap in the fucking face—one that stung badly.

“Hey, Alex, I heard about Pfc. Bennett. Glad to hear she’s okay.”

I was ambushed by Castillo as I was about to enter the Admin office. Not only was pushing papers not up my alley, but working in close proximity to her was just another reason to hate life at the moment. I couldn’t be sure that she wasn’t the loose lips who’d spilled the beans to O’Hara.

“Pfc. Bennett is just fine.”

I grabbed the door handle and turned, but she stepped closer and placed her hand on the door. “I know shit went down with us, Alex, but I’m not cold hearted. I was mortified when I heard what had happened to her, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

“Well, thank you, but like I said, she’s fine.”

“And what about you? You can’t be fine with all of this.”

I turned and looked at her, ready to tell her to piss off, but once again finding the strength to refrain. “I’m just fine, Leti. I knew what was at stake, and I carried through. Now I’m dealing with the fallout, and I’m okay with that. If you’d excuse me, I need to check in so that I can get to work.”

She placed her hand on my arm, keeping me from making my way inside. “I’m worried about you, Alex. First Sergeant O’Hara pressed us hard when he questioned us. I don’t think he’s going to let up on you.”

“Leti, let me explain one thing to you. The only thing that matters right now is Cassie and her well-being. As long as she is doing better, I don’t really see a reason to worry about the negatives. Now if you’d excuse me, I have a fucking boring, paper-pushing work day to get started on.”

I removed her hand from my arm, then opened the door and made my way inside. The Admin Chief greeted me, then took me to a filing area where a mountain of files were waiting to be filed away. “Have at it, Sergeant. Holler if you need me,” Gunny Rawls said before leaving me to the most boring thing that they could have assigned me to.

This was worse than sitting in my barracks room—my prison cell. At least there I didn’t have watchful, prying eyes, looking and judging. And I knew that some stupid motherfucker was just waiting for the opportunity to ask me questions that were sure to set me off. No one was genuinely concerned about Cassie; they just wanted in on the breaking scandal that was unfolding before their eyes. I needed to get lost in this idiot’s job and keep to myself. Making my way back to Cassie was the only thing on my mind, and if I had to avoid other living souls to make sure that happened, I was hell bent on doing it.

Chapter 2

Cassie

Getting out of the hospital had become my focal point. I hated the constant back and forth from the nursing staff, the vital checks, and the horrendous food. But most of all, two things bothered me most: my mother’s impromptu visit and missing Alex.

It felt surreal to know that with one word I had forever changed my life with Alex. But that change was certainly for the better. Six weeks before, I would never have imagined that my life would have shifted so drastically, but it had, and I couldn’t be more thankful. But, of course, his ongoing problems with the Marine Corps weighed heavily on me.

Was it honorable that Alex had basically given everything up for me?

Absolutely.

But on the same token, I didn’t take what he had done and what he had given up for me lightly. This was six years, a promotion, and a career down the tubes because of our attraction.

It was undeniable and fierce.

It was painful at times and pleasurable at others.

It was everything that I had always wanted and then some. Alex Cruz was more than a lover. He was a protector, a friend, a confidant, and soon he would be my husband.

But before we could get to our happily ever after, we had some murky waters to wade through, and the first order of business was my mother. I was at a complete loss as to why she had come to my side, only to berate me and try to make me feel like a piece of shit. Prior to joining the Corps, and certainly before Alex, her words would have worked on me. I would have caved under the pressure of her venomous tongue, and either allowed her to tear me down, or fought back.

Now, all I wanted was for her to just leave me alone. I didn’t want to entertain her. I didn’t want to have anything to do with her. And I made my wishes known shortly after Alex was led out by Gunny Chavez and Gunny Bokowski.

++++

“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to focus through tear streaked eyes.

My mother turned her hateful gaze on me, smiling as she took in my anguish.

“I told you. The hospital called. I knew whatever it was, it was something you had done, and whether you meant for it to happen or not, I had to come.”

“Excuse me? You didn’t know whether I meant for it to happen? You can’t decide if I wanted an angry, hateful guy to beat my ass and come close to raping me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Cassie, you and I both know that you like to play the victim card. And by the looks of things, it seems you’ve already gotten your boyfriend hook, line, and sinker. The way he looked at me with such contempt in his eyes tells me that you’ve laid it on thick where I’m concerned.” She plopped down in a chair. “I don’t really give a rat’s ass. I think the predicament that you’ve found yourself in speaks for itself.”

“You are a piece of work. You spent six hours on the road for what? To come here and try and tear me down. Well, you’ve wasted your time. Why don’t you go and find a liquor store and wash down your pharmacy of pills? I’m surprised you aren’t shaking from withdrawals right now.”

Her hatred flared up in her eyes again, and she was just about to say something else when there was a knock on the door.

“Hey! How are you doing?” Dalton cheerfully asked, before noticing my expression and dropping his own smile. “Did I come at a bad time?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, you came at just the right time. Emmalyn was just leaving.”

“Does your boyfriend know about this one? Are you opening your legs for him too?”

“Whoa! Who are you?”

“This is my sorry excuse for a mother, and she was just about to walk her ass right back out of my life.”

“Emmalyn Bennett,” she said, reaching her hand out for his. Dalton’s eyes drifted down to her hand, but he never reached his out to meet her. “Please tell me you aren’t fucking my daughter too? I’d like to think that I raised her with some sort of decency.”

“You didn’t fucking raise me. I raised myself. A doped up mom can’t raise anything or anyone.”

“Okay, It’s best for you to leave,” Dalton said. His skin flushed crimson red as his eyes angrily pinned her down.

My mom took a long look at him, then over to me. She let out a sinister laugh. “I’ll be staying at the Best Western right off base. I’ll see you when they finally let you out of here.” She brushed past Dalton, then turned around. “It’s hard to be sympathetic when you just can’t seem to learn from your mistakes, Cassie Lynn.”

“I have learned from them. Now go ahead and walk out that door because I don’t ever need you to come for me ever again.”

++++

Dalton stayed with me that night, begging the nursing staff to allow him to crash in the chairs. He said he couldn’t…that he wouldn’t leave me after having to deal with such a heinous monster, but my mother’s poison hadn’t come as a shock to me. She reserved a special amount of bitterness where I was concerned, but the way she was so open and free flowing with it had definitely surprised Dalton.

The next day was a lazy one. Although I was feeling much better, my wrists were still quite sore as was my face. Sleep was often interrupted by the nurses, but the images of what Allen had done to me haunted me at night, adding to my insomnia. The eerie sound of his voice as he viciously attacked me played over and over, leaving me gasping for breath.

I was lucky to have escaped that assault with only the injuries that I had. Had Allen succeeded with his warped plans, my soul would have been shattered, and I wouldn’t have been any good to myself or anyone else. The thought of his cock inside of me made my skin crawl, and I found myself desperately seeking anything else to make it go away.

Of course, as the true masochist that I found myself turning into, my mind traded one troublesome thought for another. When I was reliving the nightmare that Allen had inflicted on me, I was worried sick about Alex and how he was holding up. First Sergeant O’Hara seemed to be going for the jugular, and he didn’t show any signs of relenting. Our communication had been cut—Alex was placed on barracks restriction, and I was left in the hospital. As stir crazy as I was beginning to get, I could only imagine what he was going through.

Alex loved hard, and he had sacrificed himself, but I was afraid that no amount of preparing could have gotten him ready for the battle that he was about to fight. Our love had proven resilient in the throes of some testing times. I wasn’t concerned with if we’d make it. I knew that after everything we had been through we were destined to be together, but I needed to know at what cost.

The fear of Alex and me being split apart still loomed over my head. First Sergeant O’Hara said that I would be assigned at Twenynine so that I could participate in the investigation into the Allen, but that didn’t mean Alex was safe. O’Hara could pull a whole host of things, or he could leave him alone. After what I had witnessed, the latter seem highly unlikely.

So here I sat, in the hospital bed, yearning to get out, and get Alex back by my side. I wanted to snuggle up next to him and let him massage my head while I fell asleep. I wanted to smell that husky male scent that lingered on his caramel skin. I wanted to stare into his beautiful, honey hued eyes. Sadly, I couldn’t do any of that, and I wasn’t quite sure when I would ever have that option again.

Dalton had brought me some magazines from the seven-day store, leaving me with something to try and occupy my time. I had just gone through the third one when there was a forceful knock on the door. I looked up to find First Sergeant O’Hara striding into the room with a manila folder in his hand and a Staff Sergeant by his side. His dark, beady eyes locked with mine, draining the life from my body. His face…his demeanor had a way of killing me softly, and here he was doing just that.

“Good morning, Pfc. Bennett. How are you feeling today?” he asked, in a cold, dry tone.

“I’m feeling much better, First Sergeant.”

He looked around the room, then focused his laser sharp gaze on me. His appearance made me wholly uncomfortable, and chills shot down my spine as goosebumps sprouted all over my arms.

“I’m going to be brief because I have quite a few pressing matters to take care of. I asked you before if there were anything that you wanted to tell me, and you had nothing to say, but I’m positive you were protecting Sergeant Cruz. You may be new to the Corps, Pfc. Bennett, but you know and understand the rules. Fraternizing is a highly punishable offense and undermines the fabric of our schoolhouse. Cruz is strung high and will fall hard, but you don’t have to go with him.”

He looked to the Staff Sergeant who moved closer into the room and handed him a pen.

“I am giving you the opportunity to speak out. Instructors who find themselves in this mess often have power issues and seek to assert their authority over a Marine of lesser stature. You, Pfc. Bennett, are that Marine of lesser stature and Cruz is power hungry, looking to prop himself up. As a young Marine, you probably felt pressured, and I understand that. It isn’t easy to tell someone in a position of authority no, but if you sign this form, stating that Sergeant Cruz coerced you into this forbidden affair, and consent to testify against him at his court-martial, I will make sure that you remain free and clear to move on with your life.”

Tears sprang to my eyes and my previously chilled skin began to heat. My hands ached as the need to crack my knuckles filled me with unsettling pain. How dare he try and minimize what Alex and I had. I was sure he was well aware by this point that this was not just some random fucking that we had engaged in. He was a condescending, arrogant man, and in my moment of pure and unfiltered anger, I just couldn’t contain myself.

“First Sergeant O’Hara, you know as well as I do that Alex did not coerce me into anything. What you do not know about me is that I have a strong mind and use it quite often. I decided that I wanted to embark on this relationship because that’s what it is. So no, I will not be signing that form, and I will not be testifying against him. Alex is a good man and a great Marine. I’m not turning my back on him.”

He swallowed hard, and his face moved to a deep scowl.

“Well, have it your way, Pfc. Bennett,” he responded in a clipped tone. “You are a young Marine who had the chance to walk away unblemished, but since you want to be honorable and ride the wave with him, I’ll see to it that you both come crashing down. We’ll meet again, Pfc. Bennett.”

He turned and angrily stalked out of the room, and the Staff Sergeant followed closely behind him. My blood was boiling by this point as the tension in my body permeated throughout. I could tell he was going to try and bury Alex alive, and even though I was unclear just how far he would try and take it, I had to find a way to help him out of it as best as I could.

++++

Me: Please come on your lunch break. See if Sgt. Riley can come as well.

I texted Dalton because he could get to Sgt. Riley. I needed to get any sort of information that I could on Alex. Knowing him, he was cursing everyone out, probably punching a few things, and just making life miserable for any and everyone around him.

My heart ached with the thought of it all. Alex and I had never meant to hurt anyone. We had a strong attraction to one another that we simply couldn’t deny, and I didn’t regret what we had done because it led us to where we currently were—engaged. From the fallout with Jensen, to the attack, and now Alex’s restriction, I felt a sense of strength that I had never felt before. In my mind, if we could wade through all of that, and come out on top, surely we could make it through whatever lie waiting.

But I needed to get to Alex first.

I needed to hear his voice, to see his face, to feel his warmth.

Dalton: I’ll be there. I’ll see about Sgt. Riley.

The text broke through the excess of emotions swirling around in my head. If there were one person who’d been behind me from the very beginning, it was Dalton. He had been by my side from the very beginning, and I felt lucky to have him. The fact that Alex was at a point where he trusted no one, not even Dalton, kind of hurt. I was certain Dalton wouldn’t run his mouth, even if cornered and threatened. I trusted him implicitly, and had no reason to believe that he would go behind my back and turn on Alex and me. I did, however, believe that Angelica would smile in my face and speak behind my back. Castillo was also in her camp. The two of them had every reason to talk, and even with apologies, I just simply couldn’t attach an ounce of trust to either of them.

Would Jensen talk? My mind said yes because he was so vehemently against our relationship, but something about him told me he wasn’t the culprit. I was sure Alex wouldn’t want to hear that since his feelings towards his friend had soured so greatly. Their friendship was nearly non-existent, and it was a sad state of affairs to know that they could barely stand to be in the same room with one another when they had once been as close as brothers.

My nurse came back in to take my vitals and give me more pain meds. I ate my breakfast, then slowly drifted off to sleep. I hadn’t been asleep long when there was a knock on my door and Dalton came strolling in.

“Hey, pretty girl.”

I blinked a few times, trying to focus on him as he smiled down on me.

“Hey, where’s Riley?”

“He said he would come in a bit. He has some things to take care of. Anyway, I’m here. What’s going on? Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m just worried about Alex. He’s so emotional, Dalton, you know that. I know he’s losing his damn mind right now, and I just hope he is able to keep himself out of more trouble. Have you heard anything?”

He shrugged his shoulders, then spread his lips into a half-hearted smile.

“I haven’t heard anything. It’s like the instructors are under a gag order or something and no one is really speaking about it. But I haven’t seen him at all today. He wasn’t with your class.”

“Shit! First Sergeant O’Hara is on a mission, and he’s not going to stop until he has destroyed Alex.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, if you said he wasn’t with the class, O’Hara had him moved somewhere. And he came here this morning and basically told me if I turned on Alex, then he would leave me alone. He wanted me to sign some stupid form saying that my instructor abused his power and coerced me to sleep with him.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes!” I shouted, feeling the anger from that infuriating encounter rising back to the surface. “He told me he would make sure I walked away free and clear if I turned on Alex.”

Dalton burst into a fit of laughter. I sat back and stared at him quizzically, annoyed that he found any of this funny

“What’s so funny?”

He worked to gather himself.

“I just see how pissed that made you, and I could only imagine what it would have been like to have been in here when he said that to you. Does he know that you guys are getting married?”

“I don’t know if he knows all of that. I didn’t see the need to make that information public for him, but he knows that Alex did not force me into a bed with him, and he also knows that the stupid form he brought in here with him can be shoved up his ass for all I care. He didn’t like it when I told him no, but oh well.”

“I just hope you and Alex actually get to be together.”

“What do you mean?”

“If O’Hara is hell bent on getting Alex, and he’s already pulled him from his class, he could try and get him orders somewhere when all of this is said and done.”

“Oh shit, I didn’t even think about that.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’d try and get married as soon as possible if I were you.”

“I can’t even speak to him. How the hell are we going to get married?”

“True, but if you get a chance you should do it. Because not only will it give you your best chance to stay together, but it also helps him with all of this.”

“How do you know all of this?”

“I asked my dad.”

“You told your dad that your best friend was sleeping with her instructor and got caught?”

He laughed. “Not in those words, but, yes, and my dad said that getting married will give you a fighting chance, though it won’t guarantee anything.”

I nodded my head. Alex had asked me to marry him on a whim, so getting married on whim didn’t seem all that bad, especially if it would help our cause. Now, my only issue was actually getting to see him in order to make any of this happen.

A gentle knock sounded on the door and in walked Sgt. Riley. He smiled. “Is this a good time?”

“Yes, Sergeant, come on in.”

“How are you holding up, Cassie?”

“I’m okay, but I’m worried about Alex, and I haven’t been able to get in contact with him, so I was wondering if you knew anything.”

He sat down in one of the empty chairs next to the bed and rested his cover on his knee.

“I don’t know everything and I’m working on finding out more, but Alex has been removed from the instructor roster and they have him doing busy work in Admin while he awaits court-martial. He’s also on barracks restriction. One of the Staff NCOs came by the house over the weekend to get his uniforms and other belongings.”

“Shit! I need to see him. I need to speak to him.”

“Well, they took his phone, and when I spoke to Gunny Chavez this morning, he said that O’Hara has him under lock and key by other Staff NCOs, and he has a no contact order with you. Gunny is feeding me this information, so I’ll keep digging, and if I can get Alex in touch with you at all, I will certainly do it.”

“Thanks, Riley,” I responded, feeling a flush of depression wash over me.

Alex was absolutely suffering, and I was partly to blame. The entire thing sucked to high heaven.

“When are they discharging you?”

“I think tomorrow. I guess I’ll be stuck in a barracks room too.”

“Yeah, more than likely, but hey, graduation is tomorrow, then I’ll get a couple of days off. I’ll see what I can do. Maybe I can get Nat to run middle man and see you or something?”

“That would be awesome.”

“Everything is going to be okay. I have faith that if any son of a bitch can pull a trick out of the bag, it’s Alex.”

For some reason, those words didn’t settle me, and instead, sent tears running down my face. Dalton swiftly moved to my side and comforted me, holding my head to his chest.

“What’s wrong?” Riley asked. “You’ve got plenty of people in your and Alex’s corner.”

Dalton spoke up for me, filling Riley in on my morning meeting with O’Hara. The more of the story he got out, the angrier I became and no longer needed the warm confines of his body. I got out of the bed and walked, releasing some of the pent-up aggression that was beginning to tear me apart from the inside out. My body was still sore with my chest and wrists still tender to the touch. Every movement took me back to that dreadful night, sending a few more tears gliding down my face.

“Hey, Cassie,” Riley spoke, making me turn around and face him and Dalton. “Gunny Chavez says that Alex is being represented by Captain Hedlund and that he has experience with cases of fraternization. I think he’s in good hands. Hold tight.”

“I’m trying to. I just know that the prospect of everything is killing me and, if it’s doing that to me, then Alex must be losing his mind. He’s a little crazy, you know?”

Riley laughed, and Dalton joined in. “Yeah, I know.”

The guys stayed with me for the rest of their lunch break before they left. Dalton promised to come back as soon as they were excused for the day. I was amazed and grateful for both him and Riley. Besides Alex, they were all I had. I hadn’t heard anything about Smith since all of this had gone down. I wasn’t sure if he’d had a change of heart since all of this had happened, but whatever the case, it was a little odd that I hadn’t even heard Riley speak about him. That made me nervous.

When Alex came back in a fit of fury about someone close to us running their mouth to First Sergeant O’Hara, he’d immediately pegged everyone around as a suspect, even lumping Dalton into it. I knew he wasn’t responsible for whatever got out, but now that I was thinking about everyone around me, I had reason to believe Smith could have spilled. He had walked in on me at Alex’s house and wasn’t immediately all right with what was going on between us. Then my thoughts slipped to Newsome, who must have been blindsided by it all because he wasn’t aware of what Alex and I had before he’d reported the sexual harassment claims against Allen. He could have fed First Sergeant O’Hara red meat.

When Dalton returned that afternoon with a burger and fries since I had been beholden to shitty hospital food for so long, he shared a little more that he had learned.

“You better seriously PT when you get out of here. Sitting in that bed and eating that burger is going to make you unsat.”

“Shut up. I’ve been up and walking.”

“Sure.”

“Anyway, what else do you know?”

“Well, I know Sergeant Riley and Gunny Chavez went to see Captain Hedlund this afternoon. They said they were going to see about allowing Alex visitors. I don’t know how that will go, but they’re going to try.”

“Wait, he isn’t getting to see anyone?”

“I guess not.”

My heart sank. He was basically on solitary confinement when he got back into his barracks room. No phone, no visitors…just him, four walls, and ample space and time to think about nothing good, and slowly but surely lose his damn mind. I hated what had become of him, and how he was being used as the sacrificial lamb to prove a point for O’Hara. There was plenty that Alex and I probably deserved, but O’Hara was taking it to another level—almost like it was personal for him.

In my mind, and certainly in my heart, this was personal for me. I would do everything that I could to make sure that Alex wasn’t alone and wouldn’t bear the brunt of our actions.

“Dalton, you have to promise me that if they let him have visitors you’ll go and see him. I’m not so sure I’ll be allowed.”

“Won’t that be kind of weird?”

“No, you graduate tomorrow. You’ll be at Third L.A.R., and you’ll just be another Marine.”

He sat thinking for a minute.

“Dalton—”

“Okay, Cassie. Okay. I’ll play middle man for you.” A smile spread across his face. He couldn’t say no to me even if he tried.

“Thanks, Dalton. You know I appreciate you so much.”

“I know.”

The door swung open, and my doctor and nurse walked in. “Pfc. Bennett, we will be discharging you later this evening. We spoke to First Sergeant O’Hara, and he will be sending Staff Sergeant Mitchell over to pick you up,” Doctor Copeland informed in a very formal and curt tone.

For some reason, it put me on edge and made me nervous. After what I’d to say to First Sergeant O’Hara earlier, I was confident that he wasn’t preparing to welcome me home. I was sure he was ready to lay his crusade at my feet, and I had to get myself mentally prepared for it.

I nodded my head. “Thank you, Doctor Copeland.”

He nodded. “Lieutenant Pearson will give you all of your medications and discharge instructions. Take care of yourself, Pfc. Bennett. Best of luck to you.”

His words carried a cryptic undertone. I wasn’t privy to whatever First Sergeant O’Hara had said to him, but whatever it was, it didn’t look good for me. I decided that the stone face would come out. When I saw the pit bull, I’d be ready. There was no way he was going to intimidate me and get the pleasure of witnessing it.

Dr. Copeland walked out, but Lieutenant Pearson stayed behind, giving me a sympathetic smile.

“I’ll be back in a while with your meds and discharge papers. Take care of yourself, Pfc. Bennett.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

She held a tight smile, then turned and walked out of the room, leaving Dalton and me looking confused. The air was stale, and I could feel a storm brewing. Whatever was coming my way, I was slowly, mentally preparing myself with every second. As strong as I thought I had become, I could tell I was going to have to dig deep and make myself that much stronger.

Chapter 3

Alex

The next day was another waste of time. I was sick and tired of fucking paper filing, paper shredding, and just paper all together—and I had the paper cuts to prove it. This was someone’s job in the Corps, sure, but it wasn’t mine.

Gunny Rawls watched me and checked in periodically. I knew he was under the command of First Sergeant O’Hara, so I tried hard to stifle my anger where he was concerned. He was only doing what he was told, and O’Hara was the dick that didn’t think I was fit to breathe on my own. In his eyes, I was a puppy, held on a tight leash, ready to run if given the opportunity. He couldn’t get it through his thick skull that even if he’d let me go—if he turned his back and dared me to run—it would be directly to Cassie.

Every day that passed by without her by my side was another step closer to what felt like death. I hadn’t smelled that deliciously sweet vanilla scent, stared into those sparkling emerald eyes, touched her satiny skin, or heard that pristine voice of hers. I couldn’t even bring myself to think about tasting her because that would have sent me into a full on fit. I missed the fuck out of my blondie, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

As my thoughts began to wander during the work day and even after, I wondered what exactly it was that First Sergeant O’Hara was truly after. Was he hoping to have me fall to my knees and admit my wrongdoings by begging for mercy? Was he on an ego trip, hoping that I would grovel at his feet and agree with every vile word that he had to say about me? Would he back the fuck up if I did? It dawned on me that the more I stood firm, the more peeved he got. I wasn’t going to let him see me squirm because honestly, I wasn’t sorry. I couldn’t relegate myself to lying out of convenience. As far as I was concerned, he could go and fuck himself with a splintered stick.

I still hadn’t heard anything from Captain Hedlund, and the silence was beginning to wear on me. No news could be good news, but in my case it was fucking torture. I felt like I was caged off from the world, and when I was let out it was in such small increments laced with restrictions that the need to break free violently was beginning to grow overwhelming.

I needed to move forward, one way or another.

Gunnery Sergeant Moss was in charge of babysitting today, and I was unusually quiet when he came to get me. At the onset, I couldn’t figure out what had me so defeated. I was missing the hell out of Cassie, sure, but this was something different. It didn’t hit me until we got to the Admin building and I saw the students lining up for their graduation ceremony from Comm school. The ache that pierced my heart carried the sting of a thousand knives.

Those were my fucking students. That was my fucking class.

I wasn’t allowed near them. I wasn’t allowed to see my work head off into the world with my teachings stored in their back pockets. I wasn’t allowed to do shit except for file papers and continuously cut my goddamned fingers.

The build of missing Cassie, then seeing my hard work move on without me, was slowly driving me insane. I had a feeling that this was exactly what O’Hara wanted.

After lunch, a new stack of orders landed on my desk, and I angrily began filing them until I ran across a Pfc. Cassie Bennett. O’Hara had gotten her new orders in a hurry, and he had kept his word that he would be keeping her here at Twentynine. What I didn’t expect was that he would be sending her off to MWSS 374, which is where Ruiz had gone.

As much as the girl tried to make nice with Cassie after everything that had happened, I still didn’t like much of anything about her, and I certainly didn’t fucking trust her. My already agitated mood turned downright sour with that bit of news, and there was no one that I could vent that shit to. I was turning into a closed up volcano ready to erupt.

By the time the work day came to a close, I was so stuffed with anger and bitterness that I was sweating, and my hands were trembling. If O’Hara were playing mental games, I feared that he was beginning to win, even though I would never let him know that. He didn’t deserve the fucking dirt beneath my boots, so I surely wouldn’t stroke his ego by allowing him the satisfaction of knowing that he was slowly but surely shredding my heart by toying around with Cassie and me.

I walked out to the car where Gunny Moss sat, plopped down in the passenger seat, and greeted him. “Hey, Gunny. I’ll go straight to my room. I’m not hungry for chow.”

He eyed me curiously, seeing the defeat laced throughout my face. “I have orders to take you back to the room. Captain Hedlund is on his way there now.”

Finally. I didn’t know what I was hoping to hear from him, but anything would be better than nothing. If I were about to walk the fucking plank, I wanted to know it. I needed to know it because festering in my own mind was destroying me, and I didn’t want to rip myself to shreds.

“Do you know what he’s coming for?”

“None of my business. He just said he’d be over to see you.” There was nothing more to say. Gunny Moss was stern faced and made little eye contact. I knew even if he knew anything, he wasn’t about to share it with me.

We pulled up to the barracks building, and I hurried to my room, hoping that I could change out of my cammies before Hedlund got there. To my surprise, he was waiting for me when I arrived, standing outside and talking to the Staff Sergeant on duty.

I walked up and saluted him. “Captain Hedlund.”

“Sergeant Cruz. I need to speak with you.” He turned to the Staff Sergeant and waved him off, then followed me to my room.

My heart was pounding with each step I took. I wasn’t sure if he were coming with a bag of shit to throw at my feet, or if he were ready to lift me from my misery finally. Whatever it was, I wanted him to hurry up and get it out because the longer he held it in and my masochistic mind began fielding various scenarios, the more agitated I became. When I reached the door and turned the knob, my hands were slick with sweat, forcing me to grip tighter on the knob in order to get it open.

“You can take a seat, Captain,” I said, pulling out the lone desk chair in the room.

“This won’t take long. I spoke to First Sergeant O’Hara and asked why you were being held on barracks restriction since we know that you are not a risk to leave the area. He said you were labeled as a predator on students, and he needed to make sure to keep you away from the students in the schoolhouse.”

If I had to hear that motherfucking word one more time, I thought I would rip someone’s fucking head off.

“I asked that he lift the barracks restriction, and he declined my request. I asked that you be allowed visitors, to which he once again declined, so I headed straight for Sergeant Major Thomas’ office.”

“Does First Sergeant know that you had gone over his head?”

“Doesn’t matter. Once he’d declined both requests, my business with him was over. I spoke with Sergeant Major Thomas, and she felt it was best to bring Colonel Davis into the meeting. After speaking to them both, and explaining your side of the story—the meeting, the relationship, the subsequent fallout—they at least listened to what I had to say.”

“And?”

“And, they declined it.”

Fuck. I wasn’t sure why he was here if he were just coming to tell me that I was going to sit and rot exactly where I was currently sitting.

“But after going through your files, I saw that you currently receive a housing allowance. Having you sit in the barracks would revoke your BAH because you would no longer rate it. I took this bit of information back to them, and they found that to be an easy fix. You’d just lose BAH and become a barracks resident. After digging a bit more, I found that you own your house out in town, and therefore, need to keep your BAH in order to make your monthly mortgage payments. That coupled with the task of having to move your household goods into storage, finally got their attention. The Corps does not like default of any kind, and often reprimand Marines for failure to live up to their financial obligations, so setting you up for default would be irresponsible and unnecessary. They finally agreed to free you from barracks restriction.”

A boulder sized lump dislodged from my throat as I finally got some news worth listening to. I exhaled loudly and relaxed my shoulders. “So I am free to go now?”

“Yes, you are free to go now.”

“What about Cassie? Am I allowed to see her?”

“That restriction has been removed as well. I wouldn’t parade her around base though. They are still adamantly pushing for your court-martial and will see that as a slap in the face and push even harder.”

I couldn’t contain the joy inside of me. Captain Hedlund’s words were music to my ears. Not only was I no longer bound to this barracks cell, but I was no longer torn away from my reason for breathing. I couldn’t get Captain Hedlund out of my room quickly enough.

“Do you know where Cassie is staying? Or if she’s even out of the hospital?”

“She was discharged this morning and is in the student barracks. I’m unsure which room.”

“I’ll find out.”

He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it over to me. “Your cell phone.”

My mouth dropped. I wasn’t sure how he had managed to finagle it away from O’Hara, but I was over the fucking moon to see it. If I would have had this during my restriction, it would have given me a slice of sanity. This tiny fucking device would have kept me from tinkering with a full blown meltdown. It would have allowed me to hold tight to Cassie, even when I couldn’t physically touch her.

“It dawned on me that your phone had been taken away unlawfully, so I was able to get it back. Whatever First Sergeant O’Hara and his people were able to pull from it is inadmissible in court, and Major Godinez is well aware of that.”

“I can’t thank you enough, Captain.”

“Don’t thank me. Thank an overzealous First Sergeant O’Hara for jumping the gun on this. There is still plenty that they have to take to court-martial, but at least this is one less piece of ammunition.”

I took the phone from his hand, then gave a firm, and appreciative handshake. What started out as just another day that I was hoping to soon forget, had turned into one of the best days that I’d had in quite some time.

“You are free to go, Sergeant. You need to report to work tomorrow, but you will need to come and see me first.”

“Okay, sir.” I couldn’t get him out fast enough.

“See you in the morning, Sergeant.”

I nodded my head, then turned and walked out. My phone felt like it was burning in my hands. When I powered it up, there was about ten percent battery left—just enough to make a quick call to Cassie.

I pressed the call button for her name waited, impatiently for her to answer. It rang a few times and my anxiety began to build. What if her phone had been confiscated as well? Just when my mind began wandering again, she answered.

“Alex!” Her voice was soft but anxious.

The sound of it was all I needed. My name coming from her mouth—her soft, melodic voice—gripped me and pulled me away from the cesspool that I had been wallowing in for what felt like an eternity.

“Blondie…”

“Oh my gosh, Alex. Where are you? How did you get your phone back?”

“None of that matters. Where are you? I need to see you.”

“Students barracks A in room one-zero-three.”

“Don’t move. I’m on my way.” I was out the door before I even finished speaking. “Hey, Cassie…”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I hung up and tucked the phone into my pocket as I took off down the walkway that led to the student barracks. When Cassie’s door came into view, my heart beat so loudly that I could hear it against my ear drums.

I finally reached the door and gave three quick knocks, the wait for her to open the door killing me with every passing second. When she opened the door, all of my anxiety faded away. Her face was still bruised, and her wrists were still bandaged, but she was fucking perfect. I lunged for her, throwing my arms over her shoulders and pulling her tightly against me. The feel of her warm body up against mine gave me a sense of calm that had been noticeably absent since we’d been pulled apart. The feel of her skin against my hands, the scent of that cock twitching vanilla fragrance hitting my nostrils, took me back to the first time I had ever held her in my arms. Only this time, I knew I had her, and I knew that we weren’t in the wrong for it either.

“Alex…” she cried as tears trickled down her cheeks.

I held firmly to her as I walked us into the room, kicking the door shut on the way in. I softly kissed her lips, then pressed firmer, erasing all separation from us. She kissed me back, the hunger and need luring me even further. My hand glided up her head, as I tasted every inch of the beautiful mouth that I had been missing for much too long.

She slightly opened her mouth, giving me just enough to slide my tongue inside. Our tongues touching, swirling, shot off an explosion of rockets inside of me. As our kiss ended, Cassie sniffled a few times, trying to fight back tears.

“Shhh, Blondie. I’m here beautiful. I’m here.”

“How did you get here? Should I be worried?”

“No, Captain Hedlund is a damn good lawyer and got some things straightened out for me. I’m free to go home.”

She stepped back, her face lighting up like she’d hit the lottery. “So the court shit…all of that is over with?”

“Well, no. He isn’t that good.”

Her delight quickly turned into confusion.

“He got my phone back because apparently it had been confiscated illegally. And he got me off restriction thanks to our standing as a couple.”

“But you’re still getting court-martialed?”

“As far as I know, yes.”

Cassie started to pace, running her hands through her long blonde hair. “I don’t understand him. Why can’t O’Hara just leave us the hell alone?”

“We did break a long standing rule, Blondie. We knew what was at stake when we did it.”

She stopped pacing and turned to me, staring me intently in the eyes. “So you’re okay with them court-martialing you and destroying our careers?”

“I never said that.”

“Then what are you saying?”

She was frustrated and seemingly exasperated. I didn’t want to add to it, but I wasn’t going to sugar coat shit either.

“Cassie, I knew what was on the line when I decided that I just had to have you. I don’t care that O’Hara is pressing for court-martial. What I do mind is how personal he is making it. Like I’ve fucked his daughter or something.”

Her nose wrinkled, probably disgusted by the mere visual. “He’s taking it very personal. And he’s not going to stop until he has your head hanging from the wall.”

“What do you mean by that?”

She went on to explain about the visit he’d paid her. How he’d tried to coax her into testifying against me in order to save herself. As much as I already loathed the man, I downright despised him now, and wanted to give him the same fucking treatment that I had given Private Allen.

“Alex, I don’t know how far he can take this. I don’t know if he’ll get you kicked out, or just busted down, or—“

“And it’s nothing for you to worry about. I put myself in this shit, and I’ll worry about it. You don’t need to.”

“Are you crazy? How can I not worry about it? What happens to you affects me too, remember?”

Her pitch was raising, anger showing on her face.

“You know what I mean, Cassie. I don’t want you worrying about shit that you have no control over.”

“Don’t shut me out, Alex. I’m in this shit just as deeply as you are.”

She wasn’t getting it and trying to further explain it to her was only going to bring out the hysterics, something I really didn’t need right now.

I pulled out my phone and pressed call for Riley.

“Hey, man. You break free or what?” he answered.

“I guess you could say that. Anyway, I’m at the student barracks with Cassie and we need a ride home.”

“Holy shit, man. Is everything good?”

“I can’t really explain it all right now, Riley. I just need you to come and get us.”

“I’m on my way.”

He hung up and I sat down on the bed, pulling Cassie down with me and resting my head between her tits. She rubbed the back of my head, easing the slight hint of tension out of my body.

“Alex, I can’t stay out tonight.”

“Sure you can. We’ll get you covered here.”

“No!” she yelled, catching me off guard. She pulled back, and our eyes met, two sets of shocked eyes staring at one another. “I mean, I’m just so nervous about everything. I don’t understand how you can have all of this shit hanging over you and yet you still want to break rules.”

“Because it’s you, Cassie. Because no amount of fucking rules can contain what I feel for you.”

She stood and grabbed a bag and threw some of her belongings into it. I laid back on the bed, watching her every move as the worry from everything that was happening took hold of her and made her a nervous wreck. I hated what I was seeing—how the carefree Cassie seemed to be long gone, and was replaced by this nervous figure, moving about, like she was constantly on eggshells. She wouldn’t say much, and it was killing me. I hadn’t thought when I finally got the chance to see her that she’d be so on edge.

“Cassie, tell me how I can help you through this. I hate watching you look so damn frazzled.”

She looked at me and sighed. “I don’t know that there is anything, Alex. I just want to see all of this go away. I just want you to stop pretending that you’re a man of steel and acknowledge that you’re in deep shit. I want you to start caring about this predicament that we’re in.”

I sat up in disbelief. “Let me remind you of something. I was a hard ass from the day you met me and I will continue to be one. I won’t lay down for anyone. That bastard thinks he’s going to get me, and I’m going to make his pansy ass work for it. I’m not compromising myself or what we have to get off the hook, Cassie. If he’s going to punish me, he’s going to punish me, the real Alex, not some dickless prick who cowered because he was afraid.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but there was a knock on the door.

“That must be Riley. Let’s get out of here.” I walked over to the door and opened it, meeting the cold, lifeless eyes of First Sergeant O’Hara.” I froze as he glared at me, willing me to do the same. There was a female Sergeant with him, one I had only seen before, but didn’t know personally.

“Well, why am I not shocked by this? You get your freedom, and this is the first place you come?”

“May we help you, First Sergeant?”

“No, Sergeant Cruz, you may not. I am here to see Pfc. Bennett.”

Cassie stepped forward, looking sickened by his presence and ready to vomit. “I’m right here, First Sergeant.”

“I can see that, Pfc. Bennett. I will make this short and sweet. I came by to offer you one more chance to clear yourself. I sat thinking, long and hard, about what adverse paperwork could do to a young Private First Class, and it’s not pretty. You’d be booted out of the Corps after your first enlistment, for failure to promote. You have to see why I’m trying to offer you a way out.”

I looked to Cassie who looked to me, worry staining her face. Was she considering what this motherfucker was offering her? A twinge of sickness hit me as I stood there, praying to anyone who would listen that Cassie wouldn’t go for whatever he was about to offer her.

“Now, Pfc. Bennett, I can get you on a NJP and move you along your way. Anything more would be damaging to your career, and I see a bright future for you. Think about you, Bennett. You need to put yourself first.”

“Do I, First Sergeant?” she asked, her eyes narrowing at him. “Because from everything that I have been taught, thinking about yourself undermines morale, it hinders the ability to perform successfully, it’s frowned upon.”

“These are different circumstances, Bennett. Now, I don’t have all fucking day. Either you sign this form, and we move you right along, or I take you down with Cruz, and believe me, I will gut you both if it comes to that.”

Cassie looked from O’Hara to me, then back to O’Hara. “You want us, you’re going to have to work hard for us, First Sergeant.”

I exhaled, thankful that what I had said only minutes earlier had sunk in and she had turned around and used it on him. His always anger-filled face contorted into full-on rage as he turned and snatched a folder from the hands of the Sergeant with him.

“Private First Class. Bennett, you are being charged with fraternization. You have the right to remain silent. Any statement you make may be used as evidence against you in a trial by court-martial. You have the right to consult with legal counsel. This legal counsel may be a civilian lawyer retained by you at your own expense, a military lawyer appointed to act as your counsel without cost to you, or both. Do you understand these charges and your rights?”

“Yes, First Sergeant,” she answered, in a defiant tone filled with malice.

“I’ll need you to sign this charge sheet, acknowledging that you understand the charges laid out against you.

Cassie walked over to where he stood, then took the folder and pen from him and hurriedly signed her name to it. First Sergeant O’Hara took it back from her, then handed it to the Sergeant before turning back over to where Cassie stood.

“I know you’re young, but you need understand the ramifications of what you’ve just done. This will be one of those times where you look back and wish you had used better judgment.”

“I’m well aware of what I’m doing, First Sergeant.”

A sinister gleam shined in his eyes. “Oh, you don’t even know the half of it,” he harshly whispered. “Good evening to you both.”

He and the Sergeant turned and walked for the door, opening it to Riley standing on the other side. “Well, Sgt. Riley. It’s nice to see you.”

“Good evening, First Sergeant.”

“I’ll need to see you in the morning, first thing. We have more talking to do.”

Riley’s face went red, like he’d been caught. “I’ll see you in the morning, First Sergeant,” he nervously replied.

First Sergeant O’Hara and the Sergeant walked out of the room without so much as a glance back. I was proud of Cassie but weary of Riley. The way he responded didn’t sit well with me, and a sick feeling was beginning to settle in my stomach.

“You guys ready to go?” he asked, not making much eye contact with me or Cassie.

I studied him for a minute, seeing the nerves that were frying on the inside. He looked everywhere but at me, frequently wiping away at his forehead. This motherfucker had a shit ton of explaining to do.

“Yeah we’re about ready. Cassie’s just been charged, so we need to get away from this fucking place.”

“I’m really sorry, Cassie.”

What the fuck was he sorry for? I didn’t want to spend another minute in that barracks room. The aura of the place was draining, angering and depressing me in one fell swoop, and carving out the truth from Riley was only going to make it that much worse. I needed to get us out of here, for my sanity as well as for his safety.

“We’ll worry about all of this shit later. Just get me and Cassie out of here.”

He nodded his head, then turned for the door.

I grabbed Cassie’s bag and took her by the hand, whispering in her ear, “I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Don’t fucking worry about it.”

I kissed her cheek as she nodded gently. I could tell she wanted to let it go and not worry about it, but the betrayal that came along with a Riley confession was going to sever ties. I didn’t want to see another brother go, but if what I was suspecting was true, Riley would become just another fucking Marine to me, only after I’d had the opportunity to beat a shred of loyalty back into his fucking body.

Chapter 4

Cassie

I sat quietly in the back seat as Riley drove us off base and to the house. The air was thick and hung low, suffocating us as we barreled down the road with nothing but sparse desert scenery passing us by. The elephant loomed large in the truck, and I wasn’t sure if Riley was afraid to broach the subject, or if Alex were trying hard to hide his anger. Either way, neither of them were doing a good job of whatever they were trying to do. I hung out in the backseat, hoping and praying that our hunch was not true because I didn’t want to see what was to come if it were.

“Hey, man,” Riley awkwardly spoke, trying hard to break the silence. “What you heard in there with First Sergeant—”

“Riley, not right now. Cassie just got released from the hospital.”

Alex’s hazel eyes never met with Riley; he just stared out the windshield as the veins in his neck continued to bulge. The tension in his body filled him from head to toe, and from his clipped response I could tell this was something I really was in no mood for.

Riley finally turned on the radio to try and drown out the silence. I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace came blaring through the speakers, making Riley glance into the rearview mirror at me. Our eyes met with trepidation, and he swallowed, then went back to focusing on the road. I wanted the song to end because it could have been the anthem for the truck at the moment and that was not a comforting feeling.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, we pulled up in front of the house. It was so good to see it, standing damn near alone in this hot, barren desert. After being found out, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see it again.

Alex helped me out, then whispered in my ear, “Go inside. I’ll be there in a minute.”

The intensity in his eyes as I pulled back and looked at him shook my nerves. Alex was hot-tempered and would easily fly off the handle, and I wasn’t interested in seeing him get into a fight with the one guy who’d had our backs during our relationship—or had he?

I kissed him but didn’t walk away lightly. Each step felt like cement blocks had been strapped to my feet and I was forced to lug myself inside. I hated what I knew was about to happen. It seemed that the bad just kept getting worse, and I began to wonder if it would ever end.

I looked back to find Alex leaning against the truck expressionless as Riley walked around to where he stood, rubbing the back of his head. A queasiness settled in my stomach, and I couldn’t take looking at the scene any longer, for fear that I might puke. Alex believed in loyalty, and for Riley to turn was pretty much a cardinal sin in his book.

I turned the knob and walked into the house, feeling slightly better at seeing the familiar interior and a sense of calm coming over me. I wasn’t sure what would become of whatever was happening outside, but for a moment, I was met with peaceful silence, and a small smile flittered across my face.

Just as I was turning to head to Alex’s bedroom, I heard footsteps come walking from the other direction, making my hairs stand on edge and my heart begin to race. The last time I had been caught from behind, I ended up the hospital, and I was determined that I would never be caught off guard again. My fists clenched, and I turned ready to swing on whoever was unfortunate enough to come after me, but stopped when I noticed a red eyed Natasha.

“Cassie,” she called out, her voice low and broken. She looked as if she had been crying for quite some time. Not only were her eyes blood shot red, but her face seemed a little puffy. Something was definitely wrong.

“Hey, Nat, what’s wrong?”

Her eyes shut. “Everything…everything is wrong.”

I reached over to hug her just as Alex and Riley came barreling into the house.

“Come here, Cassie,” Alex gruffly commanded. I didn’t like his tone, so I stood firm where I was, suspiciously eyeing him. “Cassie—”

“What? What’s your problem?”

“Alex, I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” Nat cried as tears raced down her cheeks again. For a tough, tatted-up, bad girl, she was crying as if her cat had died. I knew this had to be bad.

“You’re fucking sorry, Nat? Really?”

“Alex, it was a simple mistake,” Riley said, coming to Nat’s defense.

“A simple mistake? Nothing is simple here, Riley.”

“Will someone fill me in, please?” I asked, annoyed that I seemed to be the only member of this party who was still completely clueless.

Alex slowly walked over to where I was standing, then brought out his knife hand, rigidly pointing it in the direction of Nat. “Natasha is our rat. Can’t you smell the stench coming from those bloodshot eyes?”

I turned and looked at Nat. Her sad, regret-laced eyes confirmed what Alex had just said.

“I had no idea it was wrong,” Natasha said as Riley walked over and comforted her.

“How did this happen?” I asked, still in disbelief that of all of the people we were worried about, Nat was flying under the radar and had been our undoing.

“Yeah, I’d love to hear this fucking story,” Alex, chimed in with a sinister undertone that gave me the chills. When he wanted to be mean and intimidating, he could pull it off with ease.

Nat sniffled, trying to regain her composure as she set off to tell her story. “Well, this guy came into the tattoo shop, and he was asking for that depraved looking bull dog that Alex has on his calf. We got to talking about the tattoo and exactly what he wanted, and where he wanted it, then he asked if I’d ever done this one before. I told him not that exact one, but that I had seen it on my friend, Alex. He asked me if it was Alex Cruz and I told him yes, then I asked if you guys were friends. He said yes, so I figured he was a cool guy.”

“How the fuck did Cassie come into this?” Alex asked, growing impatient.

Nat nervously moved her hair behind her ears, then shot a glance over to me before continuing. “We just kept talking, and he was saying how you were one of the bad asses in the school house and how so many people looked up to you, but that you were also a hard ass and not easily approachable. I joked and told him that his girlfriend, Cassie, easily broke that down, and he was a puppy dog when she came around. He started asking more questions about this girlfriend, and I told him.”

“What did you tell him?” I asked.

“I just told him that you were a tall blonde and a Marine. I told him you hadn’t been in for very long and how much fun you were.” She turned to Alex and me and faced us head on. “He acted like you guys were busy, but long-time friends. He was saying he couldn’t believe you’d found a hot girl and hadn’t filled him in. I had no clue he would run and tell anyone, and I certainly didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

“I know,” Riley said, pulling Nat back while trying to comfort her.

“What the fuck is this guy’s name? What did he look like?” Alex asked through clenched teeth.

“Um, I think he said his name was Scott or Scotty, or something like that. He was tall with blond hair.”

Alex’s eyes tightly closed as he ran his hand over his head. Whatever was behind Scott or Scotty, it wasn’t good.

“That’s Sgt. Vernon, Alex.”

“I fucking know who it is!” Alex yelled, completely losing his composure. “I fucking hate that guy. Hate him.”

Nat’s tears returned. I couldn’t blame her. Seeing Alex fly off in a fit of rage like that would make anyone weep. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I had no idea. I would have never—”

“It doesn’t fucking matter now. It’s out. I’m sure he ran back and ran his mouth. It wouldn’t take long for him to figure out who this “tall, blonde Cassie who hasn’t been in for very long” was.”

“I’m lost,” I threw out, feeling as if everything were going over my head once again.

“Sgt. Scott Vernon works at the schoolhouse in the Admin section and hates Alex,” Riley said, trying to clarify things. “He—”

“That’s enough, Riley. I’ll tell my own fucking girl about my personal dealings. You need to reign in yours.”

Riley let go of Nat and took a few steps over to Alex, stopping directly in front of him. “It was an honest mistake, Alex. She had no idea that she wasn’t supposed to speak about her friends and how awesome they are. Damn, come off your high fucking horse. She had no idea that you were breaking fucking rules.”

“And you never thought to fucking fill her in?”

“No, why would I? I wasn’t the one fucking my student. I wasn’t paranoid.” He looked over to me, as a slice of regret pierced through his eyes at the choice of his words.

“So that’s how you see it, too? Me just fucking a student.”

“You know that’s not what—”

“I don’t fucking know anything anymore. I don’t know who has my back and who doesn’t. Who is looking to be the next whistleblower so they can get in good with First Sergeant to get that next good fit rep and move up the ranks. I don’t know who the fuck was jealous of my promotion selection and would do anything to get it for themselves.” He stopped and moved even closer to Riley. “I don’t fucking know anything anymore.”

I swallowed hard, unsure of what to do or say, but knowing that standing here and allowing this to build would absolutely lead to nothing but trouble. Accusations and true feelings were spilling out all over the floor, leaving a friendship hanging in the balance. I knew Nat didn’t set out to tell on us. Hell, she had no idea that it was a bad thing in the first place, but Alex was not so forgiving. He wasn’t even willing to listen to reason. He was stuck in tunnel vision, seeing only one thing, and that one thing was that Nat had run her mouth, to a supposed enemy, and that gave First Sergeant O’Hara the ammunition he needed.

“Well, it is just some guy at a tattoo parlor’s word against ours. That’s not solid evidence.”

I looked from Alex and Riley, who had since each other breathing room, and over to Nat.

“He came in to see me.”

“Who did?” I asked.

“That O’Hara guy.”

My heart sank. Alex began pacing, one hand rubbing the back of his neck while the other lay clenched at his side.

“He came in and asked for me specifically. I had no idea who he was and started asking me questions. He said Alex was getting promoted, which I already knew, and that the schoolhouse wanted to invite his friends to a party for him afterward. He asked me if I knew of anyone that should be there and I said yes, his girlfriend, Cassie.”

She’d confirmed it for the man who had Alex and me in his crosshairs.

“He started asking questions about Cassie, but I realized that something about his questioning was off, so I stopped answering them and told him I had to get back to work. I didn’t know what he was up to, but the feeling I got just wasn’t good.”

“Did you think to maybe fucking tell us, or Riley?” Alex yelled out from across the room.

“I didn’t think there was much to tell. I didn’t give him much.”

“You gave him plenty, Nat. Fucking plenty.”

Nat began shaking her head as a tear streaked down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Cassie. I had no idea. I would have never—”

“It’s okay, Nat. I know.”

The bedroom door to Alex’s room slammed as I looked up and realized that he was no longer there with us. I knew he was pissed, but he was being completely irrational, and while I wished that Nat wasn’t so loose with her lips, she had no clue that by speaking about us, she was ultimately doing us in. We hadn’t filled her in, so if anyone was at fault, it was Alex and me.

“Cassie, I know we’ve just recently met, but I really like you and Alex together, and I would never try to break you guys up.”

“I know, Nat. Alex is just very high strung, but he knows it too.”

She seemed to calm down with my words, but the fear of the damage her words may have caused was still written all over her face.

“I’m gonna take Nat home. I think it’s best if she has some distance from Alex,” Riley said, putting his arm around her shoulder. “I’m just gonna stay at her house tonight. Let you and Alex have the house to yourselves so you can work through whatever you need to.”

I nodded my head. “Thanks, Riley. I don’t even know what I’m about to walk in on in that room.”

“I know Alex, Cassie. He’s a stubborn motherfucker, but you can be the one to let a little bit of sanity seep into that thick head of his. Talk to him.”

“I will. I promise.”

I gave Nat a hug, letting her know that I wasn’t angry with her. She squeezed me tight, and I instantly felt sorry for her. She wasn’t to blame for this, yet Alex had laid it all at her feet. He was wrong, so wrong for it, and I wasn’t going to let him get away with the way he had treated her.

I pulled away from her and waved goodbye to them. Nat looked like a lost puppy—sad, yet eager to get away. When I walked back into the room, Alex was sitting at his desk, still fuming as he worked on his laptop.

“Alex,” I said, shutting the door behind me.

“Don’t start, Cassie.”

“No, you need to listen to me.”

He shut his laptop and laid it down on the bed next to him, then looked up as I sat down at the end of the bed.

“I know you’re all sorts of angry right now, Alex, but going after Nat like that was completely unnecessary.”

“You think everything is fine, Cassie?”

“I didn’t say that. I know everything isn’t fine. But Nat isn’t the culprit here. We are. We got into this relationship knowing it was wrong, and didn’t fill her in.”

“Her mouth runs like fucking water.”

“Right. And knowing that, we should have told her that we couldn’t come out as a couple. But we didn’t, so it’s our fault, not hers.”

“And the fact that she didn’t tell anyone. You’re okay with that?”

“Alex, listen to yourself. Nat is a civilian who happens to work at a tattoo shop whose patrons are a bunch of Marines. She is not a Marine, and she has no idea about the archaic rules of the Corps. Stop fucking blaming her. It isn’t her fault.”

“You’re much too forgiving and naïve, Cassie.”

“And you’re much too stubborn and a hard ass. Now what? How do we compromise and find a middle ground because I hate dealing with you when you get upset and jump off the fucking deep end.”

“What are you saying?”

“Just that, Alex. I love you, but you have to loosen up. You struck fear into that poor girl. And call me naïve if you want to, but she is not out get us. I can see that. If you’d saddle some of your rage, you’d see it too.”

He stood and began walking the room. I could tell the anger deep inside of him was clearly trying to make its way out, but he was working hard at holding it in.

“Alex. It’s out. It was out from the moment you held me in that barracks room. So whatever Nat may or may not have said is really irrelevant at this point.”

He stopped walking, then turned and burned that hazel gaze in my direction. “Cassie, it’s one thing for O’Hara to have his suspicions, but to go to someone who is unaffiliated with the Corps and have them basically give him everything he wanted, that’s some fucking damage that we can’t undo.”

“Then we deal with it. We face it head on. I don’t understand why you’re so mad when you said yourself that what we had was worth risking everything. How are you now shocked by the fall out?”

“Don’t question my love for you. I would walk through fucking fire to be with you, Cassie. I just don’t want shit to come so easily for O’Hara. And if people are willing to talk, it just makes his job that much easier.”

“You can’t worry about that.”

“Then what should I worry about? Tell me because to say I am a little confused by your reaction to all of this is an understatement.”

“You should worry about me, us, our wedding, how we move forward from all of this. You should worry about your friendship with Riley because you treated his girl like shit, and you pissed him off. There are plenty of other things that you could be worried about that you actually have some control over.”

He softened a bit, seemingly allowing common sense to creep back into him. He walked over and sat down next to me, then took me in his arms. “Cassie, the last thing I want to do with all of this shit is fight with you. You just got out of the hospital, and you don’t need this.”

“I’m not fighting with you, Alex, but I’m not going to play dumb and naïve when you’re being an irrational jackass.”

“Don’t call me that, Blondie. It hurts coming from your beautiful, little mouth.”

“Then stop acting like one.”

He tilted my head up and kissed me, hard. It always seemed as if the feel of Alex—his mouth, his hands, his body—were all it took to erase the unpleasant thoughts and feelings whenever they surfaced. He knew exactly what to do to make it all go away, to ease me back into comfort, and make me put the claws away. As out of control as he had been only a few short minutes before, he was still Alex.

The man who loved me with every fiber of his being.

The man who came to my rescue when a savage animal had attacked me.

The same man that wanted to put a ring on my finger.

Our reactions to Nat’s news were on two completely different ends of the spectrum. We had to find a middle ground, and we had to find it in a hurry if we wanted to see our relationship go for the long haul.

“I’m gonna run us a bath. It’s been a long fucking day,” Alex said, running his hands through my hair, pushing it back from my face. “Relax. I’ll come back for you when it’s ready.”

He kissed me again, then stalked off towards the bathroom. I had no idea how we would fix things with Nat and Riley, but I was hoping that a long, hot bath, would give Alex a bit of clarity, and he would take the initiative to fix things himself. He was a bulldog, a one man wrecking crew when he wanted to be, but I wasn’t going to allow him to destroy our friendship with Riley and Nat. Riley had been nothing but good to us, and he deserved it back on our end.

++++

The sweet aroma of vanilla and jasmine filled the room. Alex was naked when he reentered the bedroom. He slowly undressed me, then took me in his arms and placed me into the tub. The water was hot, sending needle-like stings covering my skin, but after a short while, I acclimated to it and basked in the luxurious feel of the water, the bubbles, and most importantly, Alex.

He gathered water in his hands and poured it over my head, slicking my hair back, before leaning forward and kissing me.

“One day without you was far too many. I was beginning to lose my fucking mind.”

I laughed. “Beginning? I’d say you lost it a long time ago.”

“Okay, you might be right. But that jackass knew what he was doing keeping us apart. He figured I’d talk, give him more of what he wanted.”

“O’Hara figures quite a bit. He figured I’d just run my mouth to get myself off the hook. Dude is quite presumptuous. And speaking of him, why do you think he charged me but didn’t put me on barracks restriction? Why were you let off?”

“I was let off because of my living situation and Captain Hedlund went to bat for me. As for you…I don’t know, but I would assume Captain Hedlund probably spoke on your behalf as well. That motherfucker makes me want to spit nails.”

“Turn around. You need to relax.”

Alex turned and gave me his back. The big cross tattoo beaming brightly in front of me. The look of the name, Guadalupe momentarily seized me as I was fully aware that his grandmother was sure to hate me if she ever found out what sort of trouble Alex had found himself in.

I tried to push her from my mind and focus on relieving the tension lodged within Alex. I could feel it as I pressed into his shoulders, rubbing out knots the size of golf balls. He allowed his head to fall forward as he softly moaned with every rub. The sound of it, the look of him at my disposal, briefly took my attention away from the woman tatted on his back who would probably want me dead and gone once she found out what we’d done.

I continued to rub, trying hard to focus on Alex and less on his grandmother. I was scared. Not necessarily because I thought she would cause me bodily harm, but because I knew her approval would be a giant leap for our relationship, and without it there would always be something missing.

His cell phone rang, breaking us from our moment.

“Damn!” He groaned, sitting straight once again.

“What’s the matter?”

“My phone had not stopped ringing all fucking day.”

“By the way, while you were in here, your mom called. I didn’t want to answer it, so I just let it go to voicemail.”

“I’ll call her back later. I’ve got too much shit to deal with.”

“Alex, maybe it’s important.”

“I’ll call back in a bit.”

He reached back and grabbed my hand, pulling me closer to him. When our bodies were once again touching, he took both of my arms around his midsection, linking my hands in front of him as he placed his hands on top of them. I leaned forward and rested my cheek on his back, humming softly.

Alex rubbed my hands with his, and the big, masculine feel of it was uniquely sensual against my skin. He was so gentle when he wanted to be, making me forget about the loud, rough and gruff bulldog that he often times presented himself to be.

“I’ve missed you so much, Alex. Every second of every day that we were apart was pure pain and torture.”

“I know, baby. I know.”

I broke free from his hold and gently yanked on his shoulder, prompting him to turn around. When he did, I took the liberty of sitting down on top of him, gathering water in my own hands and pouring it over his head. Honey-hued eyes stared back at me when he opened them, a sly grin accompanying it. I leaned forward and softly traced the outer linings of his moist, plump lips, then placed soft, kisses on them. He held tight to my ass as I felt his cock begin to harden underneath me. It had been so long since we’d had one another, and the ache forming between my legs was making me painfully aware. I swiveled my hips, sending his cock to full blown erection. I loved how it didn’t take much to get him worked up for me, and I was planning to take full advantage of his weakness.

I didn’t relent on the hip movements, and as the ache I felt grew more intense, Alex worked his hands up my back, then placed his hands under my arms and pulled me back.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, shocked by his movement.

He painfully closed his eyes, then let out a sigh. “Nothing, I just think you need a little more time.”

“Time for what? It’s been plenty of time. I need you, Alex.”

“I know. Trust me, I need you too. But your well-being comes first. We have each other Blondie. We’re not going anywhere.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying—what he was doing. I thought the absence would have made him want to tear into me and fuck my brains out. Instead, he seemed to be dreading it as if he were afraid or something. Then it hit me.

“Alex!”

He didn’t answer.

“Alex…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Allen raped me?”

Silence filled our tiny space. My heart ached with a heavy throb. Alex didn’t believe me when I’d told him that Allen hadn’t gotten his cock inside of me. A tear slipped from my eye as I looked at the pain etched into Alex’s face. He was battling himself and losing.

“Alex, I told you. Allen did not get his cock inside of me.”

“I know you told me that, Cassie, and I believe you, but there is something in the back of my mind that wonders if you truly know. That animal slammed your head down. Do you remember everything? Maybe you blacked out.”

He pulled me closer and held me tight. I hated the pain that was inside of him, but I hated being doubted even more.

“Alex, I’m pretty sure I stayed conscious. That firewatch got to him in time.”

He pulled me back and stared into my eyes. “But his fucking fingers. They were inside of you, weren’t they?”

“Yes.”

He winced. It was as if he were hearing the information for the first time.

“But that was it, Alex. I promise you.”

“I know, but you have to be in pain.”

“I’m not in pain. I was, but that’s long gone. I need you, Alex. Erase him from my body.” I paused as I stared into his worrisome eyes. “Don’t let him take anything away from us.”

“I won’t, Blondie, I promise. But not right now. Right now you need a minute. I need a minute. Please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” I whispered as I lay my head down on his shoulder.

It was true. How could I hate the one person who had actually loved me? No one else in my life had ever shown me the amount of love and care that Alex did, and even though this new act was a mix of his care for me, and his own psyche playing tricks on him, I knew it was coming from love. I knew it, so I had to make myself accept it. It didn’t take the sting of rejection away though.

“Cassie, I’m not repulsed by you or any shit like that, so get that out of your head. I just think you need to heal, and I know I need some time.”

“I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”

He held me tight and gently kissed my neck as I cried on his shoulder. As troublesome as our hidden and forbidden relationship was it seemed the real trouble was brewing in the aftermath, and it was going to take every ounce of love for us to wade through these rocky waters. I missed my Alex, I missed the way we were, and even in my state of sadness I was more determined than ever to get all of that back.

Chapter 5

Alex

The absolute last thing I wanted to do was hurt Cassie, and I had to admit that my reaction to her trying to have sex was shocking. I’d had plenty of time to think about what Allen had done to her, and I damn sure believed her when she’d told me that he hadn’t stuck his dick inside of her, but that still didn’t erase the fact that some part of him had been in there. It not only pissed me off to the highest degree, but it also triggered a hurt and a shame that left me weak.

I’d been sitting around, wallowing in my own self-pity, and instead of utilizing every single second that I’d had with her, I’d taken the time to try and clear my head, alone, leaving her in harm’s way. And when harm struck, it hit with the force of a fucking wrecking ball.

I listened to her try and tell me that it wasn’t my fault—that if Allen was out to get her, he was going to get her—but I couldn’t believe that. If I hadn’t had my head stuck so far up my own ass, I would have had Cassie with me, and this bullshit wouldn’t have happened.

I held Cassie close to me in the bathtub, hoping to show her that I was still very much in love with her, even if I couldn’t jump head first into sex. Each tear that slid down my shoulder was another cut, at my heart. Her hurt was mine. It was shared. And when she allowed herself to be vulnerable, it was a slow death for me.

After the bath, I softly lathered her in lotion, using it as another opportunity to be intimate with her, even if I couldn’t be the way that she had wanted me to be. She seemed to settle in after that, then we shared the duties of making dinner.

Now, as she lay sleeping in the bed, I could do nothing but stare at the beauty of her, and the fact that I was able to have her all to myself without having to hide or lie.

I took my phone out into the living room and called my mom back. She’d been fucking blowing my phone up, and there were a shit ton of messages too, but listening to those would have been a waste of time.

“Alejandro,” she answered, sounding overly anxious.

“Yes, Mama, what’s wrong?”

“Alejandro, what have you done? What have you gotten yourself into?”

“Mama, slow down. What are you talking about?”

“There was a man who called here. He spoke to Mama, then to me. He was asking questions about Cassie and if we knew her.”

Anger flared like raging flames. That motherfucker was now involving my family. I wanted to bring hell to his doorstep. I wanted to dismantle him. More than anything, I wanted to bash his fucking brains in. He had crossed a fucking boundary. If he wanted to keep me in a strangle hold with information from people in our community, fine, have at it. But to go through my files and call my next of kin…it was sick and fucking disturbing.

“Mama, was his name First Sergeant O’Hara?”

“Yes…yes, that was it. I didn’t know who he was or what he wanted—”

“What did you tell him?” I asked.

“I told him we’d met Cassie once.”

Air left my body, leaving me sitting there like a deflated balloon. Of course, she had no idea what was going on or what harm her confirmation could have done, but it didn’t lessen the sting I felt with her admittance.

“Alejandro, is everything okay? I didn’t know what was going on. First thing I thought was that she may have done something to you. I didn’t know.”

“It’s all right, Mama.”

“Is everything okay? Are you okay? Where is Cassie?”

“Cassie is asleep in the room. We are fine.”

“So why was that man calling around?”

I sighed, not really wanting to get into this over the phone with her. “Mama, we’ll be down this weekend, and I’ll tell you all about it then. But do me a favor. If that man, or anyone else from the Marines calls you, tell them you have nothing to say. Same for Abuelita and Adriana.”

“Alejandro, what’s going on?” Worry took over her voice, and I could tell that she was not okay with this conversation being shelved for a later date.

“Everything is fine. We will be down this weekend. Don’t worry. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I hung up and wanted to throw my fucking phone. I wanted to punch through the walls. I wanted to yell out all of my frustrations, but I couldn’t.

I didn’t want to disturb Cassie’s sleep. She had been through enough and sleep was good for her now. Plus, I didn’t want to rile her up anymore where this fucking idiot O’Hara was concerned. If I didn’t think I’d be thrown in the brig, immediately court-martialed, and dishonorably discharged, I would beat fucking O’Hara to a bloody pulp. He was going much too far. He’d already gotten Nat’s words, he had my actions, my words, and now, he was dragging my fucking family into this. I realized then that there was nothing that this man wouldn’t do to make me pay for my indiscretions, and by nothing, I meant he’d do anything.

The next morning, after a couple of hours of sleep, I took the early morning to go for a run and try to purge the violent thoughts of me and what I wanted to do to O’Hara out of my system. Running along Highway Sixty-Two, the speeding cars, the bright headlights shining in my eyes, gave me clarity. It made me sort through some of the fucking bullshit roaming around in my head, and it made me realize that I had to head off O’Hara. I had to get a few steps ahead of him if I wanted a chance at beating him and making him eat his fucking efforts. I wanted to see the look of disdain mixed with a hefty dose of defeat plastered on his fucking face, giving me the satisfaction of making his life a living hell.

When I returned to the house, Cassie was standing in the kitchen wearing a sports bra and some athletic shorts, brewing coffee and scrambling eggs. I snuck up behind her and slowly wrapped my arm around her taut middle, making her jump and squeal.

“You asshole! You were about to get hot eggs and a pan to the face.”

I laughed. Even flustered she was still so fucking beautiful, but the look on her face was serious, and I realized how close to home that innocent little act had been for her.

“I’m sorry, Blondie,” I apologized. “You’re so fucking hot looking all domestic. I like this look.”

She sighed heavily. “It’s okay. Don’t get used to it, though.” She continued scrambling. “Anyway, where have you been?”

I released her and grabbed two plates, then sat them down on the island. “I went for a run. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“I know. I woke up, and you weren’t in bed with me, then I saw the light on in here and heard you talking. I was so tired that I just fell back asleep. Who were you talking to?”

She moved over to the plates with the pan of eggs, divvying them up between the two. I watched her move, graceful as all hell, like this had been a routine we’d been doing for a while. My mind skipped to me and her making this a normal routine, and for a brief second, I was actually able to smile.

“Alex—”

“Sorry, I just had to take care of some shit. You have so much going on that I didn’t want to bother you.”

“And you don’t?”

Those green eyes focused in on me were not buying into the brush-off answer.

“Cassie, I’m not getting into it right now. Let’s eat. We need to get to work, and I need to see Captain Hedlund. Where are you reporting today?”

Cassie swallowed her food, then looked forlornly into my eyes. I could tell I wasn’t going to like whatever was about to come out of her mouth. “To O’Hara.”

“What the fuck for? Why don’t you have your new orders yet?”

“I don’t have any yet.”

“Yes, you do. I saw them.”

“What? When?”

“I’m a desk bitch now, so I came across your orders. You’ll be in three seventy-four with—”

“Angelica.”

Her face fell. Even though that bitch had come to her hospital room and apologized for being a stupid cunt to her, I still didn’t care for her, and apparently, after gauging Cassie’s reaction to her orders, she didn’t either. We finished up our breakfast with more pleasant topics of conversation. As much as I wanted to tell her about O’Hara’s phone calls to my family, I just couldn’t place more worry on her shoulders. I wanted to bear the burden of all of this because it was my duty. Cassie deserved none of this blowback, and if I could work things just right, she wouldn’t take any of the impending heat.

++++

Stopping at the front gate to present ID to the guard was something that usually would have been just another part of the morning routine, but today, with Cassie in the truck, there was a liberating feel to it. I didn’t have to sneak her on the base with me. It was strange how something so fucking trivial was such a bright spot in what was sure to be another horrendous day.

“Should I drop you off at O’Hara’s office?” I asked Cassie with a smirk. She didn’t seem to find the humor in it.

“No, Alex, don’t press buttons.”

“Fuck that guy, Blondie. We’re a couple. Why the fuck are we hiding it?”

“We aren’t hiding it. We’re just being smart and not rubbing noses in our shit.”

I hated that analogy, but decided not to press further and let it go. After circling the parking lot for a space, I finally parked in front of Captain Hedlund’s office building since Cassie insisted on making the long walk back over to O’Hara’s office on her own. I took the moment to savor that soft, sweet vanilla aroma that permeated from her sun kissed body, kissing her with all I had before we both hopped out of the truck and went our separate ways. The more I thought about O’Hara, holding on to her and dangling a noose in front of her, the more irritated I became. I tried to wrangle that shit in since I was sitting down with Hedlund in a minute and needed a clear head.

Lance Corporal Nelson greeted me, having me sign in before rushing to the back to let Captain Hedlund know that I had arrived. She came back just as I was taking a seat, letting me know that I could go back.

“Good morning, Sergeant Cruz. How are you?”

“I’m doing okay, I guess.”

I took a seat in front of his desk. There were papers scattered about, and he looked as if he’d been deep into his work.

“O’Hara went to Major Godinez and claimed he had more than enough to get the ball rolling on the court-martial. I got word this morning that the pre-trial hearing is set for Monday morning.”

Fuck! This dick was pushing and pushing hard, leaving me little to no time to maneuver things and get ahead of him the way that I had wanted to.

“I am going to go and see Pfc. Bennett this morning since I’ll be representing you both.”

I sat back in my chair, stewing over what he had just told me, when an idea popped into my head. “Captain, what if I marry Pfc. Bennett? What if I marry her now?”

“You want to get married now?”

“We’re already engaged. We just don’t have a date. I’m going to marry this girl, and I know that if I do it sooner rather than later, it might be better for both of us in the long run.”

He sat back in his chair, watching me intently before speaking.

“I need to warn you, Sergeant. Just because you and Pfc. Bennett get married does not remove the fraternization charge, nor will it make O’Hara or Godinez go any easier on you two.”

I could tell he was thinking I was rushing this, and that I was probably of the mindset that marriage to Cassie would make all of my problems float away. He couldn’t be more fucking wrong. I wasn’t naïve enough to think any of that, but by marrying her, I would set up some roadblocks for them while also cementing the love that I had for this girl. In my eyes, it was a win-win, no matter what.

“Captain Hedlund, I’m well aware of all of that, but I see nothing but positives by marrying Bennett, so I think I’m going to do it.”

“I can’t stop you, but I just wanted to make the reality clear.”

“It’s clear, sir.”

We wrapped up the meeting, and I took off for the Admin section of the school house, feeling a little better about the day, now that I was sure of my next move. That good feeling went flying off a fucking cliff when I spotted Sgt. Vernon looking quite chummy with Sgt. Castillo.

“Good morning, Alex. Nice to have you in our section now,” he greeted with fucking snake-like eyes and a devil’s smile. Leti had the deer in headlights look staining her face.

I looked between the two of them, smiling ever so slightly, trying hard not to let Vernon goad me into something. The door pushed open and Gunny Rawls walked out, looking incredulously at the three of us.

“Well, fuck. The government doesn’t pay your asses to stand around and look at one another. Get inside and be productive.”

I looked back at the other two, then over to Gunny Rawls before replying, “Yes, Gunny,” and strolling into the building. The other two weren’t far behind. As I was making my way to my temporary work station, my phone began to buzz.

Blondie: O’Hara is a fucking creep. He is making me his personal bitch.

That motherfucker was beginning to get under my skin in the worst way. At the moment, there was nothing I could do about it, so I tried hard to calm her down, when it was me that needed that treatment.

Me: Fuck him! And I need to talk to you about something. Can I get you for lunch?

Blondie: Can it wait ‘til this evening? I promised Dalton lunch. I miss him.

As much as I wanted to say it couldn’t wait, I didn’t, and figured I’d take the time to tackle other pressing shit.

Me: All right, see you this afternoon. Love you!

Blondie: Love you too!

I worked tirelessly, gathering more fucking paper cuts while sorting through the endless stacks of papers blanketing the desk. Where all of this shit came from, I had no clue. It seemed ridiculous that this stuff wasn’t done electronically, and I couldn’t find a reason to keep this old school way of doing things going.

When lunch time finally rolled around, I walked out of the building, hoping to take care of a few things while I had the time. The scorching desert heat seemed to sear me through my cammies, making me pick up the pace to get out to the cool confines of my air conditioned truck. Of course, just as I was stepping off of the curb, Castillo was making her way out to her Jeep and noticed me. She sauntered over to me, seemingly clueless that I wanted nothing to do with her ass.

“Hey, Alex, want to grab a bite to eat?”

I turned around to face her, the coldness of my gaze the complete opposite of the furnace engulfing us. “I’ve got shit to do.”

“Well, put it aside for a second. We need to talk.”

Sincerity framed her face, but I didn’t give a shit. She was toxic to me, and after everything she’d done to Cassie, I couldn’t look at her the same. I didn’t hold an ounce of respect for her. I hated even being around her.

“Sorry, Leti. I can’t,” I replied, then got into my truck and peeled out. In my rearview, I could see her standing there, fuming. Her hand was on her hip as she slouched a little to the side. This bitch wouldn’t take the hint if it slapped her upside her face a few times. I didn’t need any more negative attention flying my way, so I bit the bullet and moved on.

Lunch went by much too quickly, as did the rest of the work day. Castillo kept her distance. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold reception I had given her earlier, or if she was truly busy, but whatever it was, I was thankful for it.

I walked out to my truck, finding Cassie leaning against it. She looked tired, worn out, and melancholy.

“What’s the matter, babe?” I asked as I approached.

She looked up and gave a half-hearted smile. “Nothing, hey, I’m going to stay in my barracks room tonight.”

“Why? Are they doing room checks?”

“I don’t know, but O’Hara is a dick and I just don’t want any more nonsense. I’m still attached to his command, you know.”

I didn’t like the sound of this. I didn’t know what that prick had said to her throughout the course of the day, but whatever it was, it had her noticeably rattled. “Get in the truck. We’ll talk about this at the house.”

“Alex! Did you hear me?”

“Yes, I did, Cassie, but I don’t want to talk about it here. Let’s go back to the house, and I’ll bring you back later.”

She complied, hopping into the truck and removing her cover. Even with the sweat sticking to her forehead just below where the cover sat, she was still so fucking gorgeous to me.

We took off, passing through the gates of the base and out into the sparse, open desert landscape. The air conditioning blew cold and hard, encapsulating us in an arctic box which felt a million times better than the roasting heat barreling down outside.

“What happened today?” I asked her, growing uncomfortable with her silence.

“O’Hara had me doing stupid bitch work for him all day. He told me that I still had the opportunity to free myself from all of this if I wanted it but that my time was running out since the pre-trial hearing was set for Monday.”

“Fucking prick. I can’t believe he’s pushing this hard.”

“You knew?”

“I just found out this morning from Captain Hedlund. Speaking of which…did you see him today?”

“Yes.” She rubbed her forehead then sighed. “I didn’t get my lunch with Dalton because he came and saw me. I guess he’s representing the both of us.”

“He’s a good guy, Cassie. We’re in good hands.”

She shook her head then turned and looked out the window. Her unease with everything was beginning to put me on pins and needles. She had a hard time with all of this and I saw no immediate way to help calm her fears, thus putting fear into my own heart.

“Cassie…this sounds like the end of the world, but it isn’t.”

“That’s not true, Alex. I joined the Corps because I wanted to make something of myself. I wanted to show my crazy ass mother that I could do more than she ever thought I was capable of, and here I am floundering. Being taken down before I’ve even had a chance to spread my wings and fly.”

Her face was shrouded in anger. Was she pissed that she had met me? I didn’t want to know the fucking answer to that because if she had said yes, it would have absolutely killed me.

“And to top off this bullshit, my mom won’t stop calling me. Apparently, she’s still here in Twentynine.”

“What? Why?”

“Beats me. She’s left me like five voicemails asking me to come and see her, but I don’t want to see her. She’s going to do nothing but spit bullshit my way, and I’m done with that. I’m done taking it.”

“You’re not going to take it. If anyone is going to see her, it’s going to be me. After what I saw of her in that hospital room, I don’t ever want you alone with her again.”

She nodded her head, agreeing with me. Knowing that Emmalyn Bennett was still in the vicinity sent chills down my spine. The woman was toxicity to the highest degree, dipped in venom, waiting to attack. The reason behind her phone calls to Cassie was unknown, but she was unwelcomed. I didn’t want Cassie having to deal with her when she was already having a hard enough time with everything else going on. I sure as fuck didn’t want to entertain her, but if her getting her ass chewed was the best way to send her packing, I guess it would just have to be done.

++++

Stepping into the house, I could hear the sound of the TV, but I couldn’t see anyone sitting down watching it. I stepped in, holding Cassie behind me, when Riley sat up on the couch and looked our way.

“Hey, Alex. Can we talk, man?”

I blew out a deep breath, then walked into the living room. “Yeah, in a minute.”

“No, right now, Alex. I thought long and hard about what happened last night with Nat and that shit really bothered me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

He stood, almost frozen in place as I uttered two words he’d probably never heard me string together before. Cassie came walking up next to me.

“What?” Cassie asked, shock laced throughout her words.

“I’m fucking sorry. Don’t act like I’m speaking a fucking foreign language. I was wrong for going off on Nat like that.” I walked off into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water, needing to cool down.

“Alex, who did you talk to on the phone last night? Something has been up ever since then,” Cassie questioned, narrowing her eyes as she turned to me.

Riley walked around the couch and stood next to her, almost as if they were in a show of solidarity. I didn’t want to spill it, but the determination written all over Cassie’s aggravated face told me I really had no other choice.

“It was my mom.”

“So why would speaking to your mom rile you up so badly?” she asked, moving closer to the kitchen. Riley followed behind her.

I looked between the two of them, then downed the rest of the water. “Because it seems that not only was I a complete jackass to Nat, but she wasn’t the only person giving info to O’Hara.”

“Your mom ratted you out?” Riley asked, stunned.

“She didn’t fucking rat me out. She didn’t know. She said a man called the house and spoke to her and my grandma and was asking about Cassie. They didn’t know what it was for, and from the sounds of his questions, they thought that something had happened with me, so they told him what they knew.”

Cassie shut her eyes as she breathed loudly through her nose, and Riley just shook his head.

“That jackass is using people close to me to hang me fucking dry. And after speaking to my mom last night, I realized that she knew about this shit just as much as Nat did. I was fucking wrong for going off on her like that. I fucked up.”

“What the fuck, man? Now what?”

I looked to Riley, who stood consoling Cassie. “Now, I move forward to beat this motherfucker at his own game.”

“What does that mean?” Cassie asked, looking and sounding completely worn out.

“Now, baby. We get married now.”

“What?” she asked, shock taking over. “What did you say?”

“We’re already engaged, Cassie. The best thing for us to do now is to get married. It cuts some of the weight from O’Hara’s argument that I’m some dick who gets off by fucking my students. It also ties us, hopefully making it harder for the Marine Corps to separate us, and it cements us. I want you here. I don’t want you sleeping in some fucking barracks room, always looking over your shoulder for the next psycho to come your way. I want us to be Mr. and Mrs. Cruz, making a life right here together.”

Her face softened with my words. The goofy expression that had been a sense of comfort over the years with Riley was back as he stood looking proud as fuck. I didn’t give a shit if I looked or sounded soft in front of him—Cassie was my number one priority, and even though this probably was not the way she envisioned getting married, I wanted to marry her right away and be one with her.

“I don’t even know what to say, Alex.”

“Just say yes, again. This is our first step together, babe. A show of solidarity in the face of adversity.”

“Your grandmother…if she knows you’re in trouble because of me—”

“Cassie, I’m not caring about my grandmother right now. My focus is on you. Making you happy, and keeping you safe. I want to be your husband like fucking yesterday. Say the word and I’ll make it happen.”

She swallowed, then looked toward Riley who was grinning like a fucking loon. His smiles seemed to be permanently etched into his face, breaking me down while allowing a smile of my own to creep through.

“I’ll be your fucking witness. This shit is beautiful.”

Cassie looked to him again and finally smiled. “Okay, let’s do it.”

I picked her up and kissed her, swinging her around in a show of elation. She’d just made me the happiest fucking guy in the word. Kissing her felt like hitting the fucking jackpot. Her soft, moist lips pressed up against mine, reminded me that she would be mine, in every way that counted, and I couldn’t be happier with the thought of it all.

“Hey, man,” I said to Riley as we pulled apart. “I’d love for you to be my witness. It’s going to be quick. We need to be able to get in first thing this weekend.”

“Yeah, I’m there,” he answered.

I lifted Cassie off the ground and slung her over my shoulder, her boots hitting me in the legs. I walked down the hallway but came to a halt at the sound of Riley’s voice.

“Can I bring Nat?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. And I’ll make sure that you clear shit up with her long before then.”

I turned and looked back to him, his goofy expression long gone and deep sincerity taking its place. “You’ve got it, man. I’m all over that.”

He smiled, then turned back for the couch. I couldn’t believe it, but I had just given in. It wasn’t as if I didn’t need to, but before Cassie, I had never admitted my wrongs and damn sure wasn’t one to spew apologies all over the fucking place. Cassie was doing things to me that I had never allowed before, and strangely enough, it all felt so good, so necessary.

When I got her into the room, I laid her down on the bed and helped her undress out of her cammies. “Only a few more days of this name tape,” I said, holding up her blouse that held her last name on one of the breast pockets.

“I know. How crazy is that?”

“Not crazy at all, Mrs. Cruz-to-be. I can’t wait to make you my wife, Blondie. Cassie Cruz has a beautiful fucking ring to it.”

She laughed. That beautiful, heart-warming, sensual laugh that had been missing in the past twenty-four hours. She undid her bun and allowed her long, luxurious hair to flow. I laid down next to her, gently rubbing her legs as she lay there in nothing but her underwear.

“I’m going to put a ring on your finger and spend every day tirelessly working to make you the happiest fucking girl on this planet.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“It’s true. Then we’ll tackle all of the looming bullshit, but as long as we’re together, Cassie, I’m damn certain that we can make it through anything.”

She turned to the side and kissed me while running her hand over my chest. I prayed that she wouldn’t want to jump to sex at that moment because I wasn’t ready to give it to her just yet. I wanted her, wanted her bad, but I wasn’t ready to jump that hurdle just yet. Time would mend the hurt that lay under the surface, and I needed time to get through this little hiccup, no matter how madly in love with Cassie I was.

Chapter 6

Cassie

Alex and I were really going to do it. He was ready to take the plunge.

For a moment, a piece of me feared that he was only jumping to marriage as a solution to our problems, but after listening to him gush over me carrying his last name all night long, that thought quickly faded away. This man, who had risked everything for me, was being dragged through the mud, and kicked every step of the way, was now wanting to throw the middle finger up to everyone who been trying to tear us apart.

I missed hanging with Dalton the night before, and I could hear the disappointment in his voice when I told him I’d needed a rain check, but Alex and I had stayed cuddled up together for most of the night. I figured I’d make it up to him with lunch because I knew that through all of this shit, he’d been there for me, but I was turning into a horrible friend.

I walked to O’Hara’s office to check in and be his little bitch for the day, I was surprised to hear him and Captain Hedlund exchanging words in such fierce and angry tones. Captain Hedlund was usually reserved, so it was a bit shocking to hear his voice elevate with exasperation. From what I could make out, he was wondering why O’Hara was still holding on to me—why I hadn’t executed the orders that were sitting in Admin awaiting me.

“While she is under investigation, she stays in this unit, Captain. We have the pre-trial hearing on Monday. Should be moving things along briskly from there,” O’Hara responded with a slight chuckle in his voice.

“This could have been handled as a strong NJP, First Sergeant. At least for Pfc. Bennett anyway.”

“I’m not NJPing anyone,” he hissed. Even without seeing him I could picture those small, beady eyes turning into reptilian slits as he unleashed his venom out through his words. “There is a lack of fucking respect for the Corps here. We have an NCO who thinks he walks on goddamned water and a boot who believes the rules don’t apply to her. Now I know it is your job—your duty—to represent them to the best of your ability, and I don’t fault you for that, but it is also my job to uphold the values of the Marine Corps, a Corps that has given me everything I could have ever wanted. A Corps that I took a bullet for in Kandahar. A Corps that is so thickly embedded into me that I can’t fucking breathe without it. So excuse me for skipping the simple NJP and wanting to exercise some discipline where it is clearly lacking, Captain.”

There was a brief silence, then Captain Hedlund spoke up again. “Well, First Sergeant, then I will see you and Major Godinez in court. But I warn you that if you fail to get a conviction, all bets are off. You cannot turn around and NJP them then.”

“I’m well aware of that, Captain.”

“Have a nice day, First Sergeant.”

I scampered away, not wanting to be found as the eavesdropper that I had become. This was personal for First Sergeant O’Hara. I had no clue why, but he wanted Alex and me and he wanted us badly. A simple NJP had never even crossed his mind, even though that was a slam dunk. I wondered what he had on us besides the words of a few people that led him to believe he’d easily get a conviction.

My mind was moving at warp speed as I stood in the breezeway, just down the hall from O’Hara’s office. When I finally came to, Captain Hedlund was nearing, his eyes low and questioning.

“Good morning, Pfc. Bennett.”

I quickly snapped back to the here and saluted him, then grew restless waiting on any news from him. “Good morning, Captain Hedlund. Any word on my orders?”

“It seems like everything is being held up by this court-martial. As soon as you can execute them, I will let you know. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some things to take care of.”

I saluted him again then watched as he walked away. O’Hara had a way of getting under anyone’s skin, and if he had successfully irritated and angered Captain Hedlund, then I knew the anger that burned inside of me was fully warranted.

I spent the day running First Sergeant O’Hara’s errands, then cleaning out storage sheds so that he could store away some boxes that I had filled from old meaningless junk in his office. He was finding any and everything that required little to no brain cells for me to do. Anything to fill my day and keep me under his cold, watchful eyes. I tried hard not to let my anger show as I knew that he was looking for it, and a couple of times I almost gave in and let him have it, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. I didn’t want him seeing the effect that his bullish ways were having on me. If anything, I wanted him to have to think harder…to have to work at getting under my skin because I knew that if he saw his shit was having little to no effect on me, it would irritate him just as much as he was truly irritating me.

My plans for lunch never happened. In fact, I never saw the outside of a building unless I was navigating my way to another building as I carried O’Hara’s shit from one place to the next. When I finally got a break for lunch, it was after the normal lunch hour, and I had just enough time to scarf my food down, then get back to whatever else he had planned for me for the day. Thankfully, I only saw him a few times—the rest of the time he was tied up in meetings.

I finally got in touch with Dalton and asked him to come by my room later in the evening. Alex wasn’t too thrilled that I was staying in my own room for the evening, but I needed to maintain my presence in the barracks, and I needed some alone time with Dalton. He was feeling brushed off, and I needed to hold on to my friend. He had been my right hand threw my secret relationship with Alex.

Dalton came by the room just as I was dressing after taking a long, hot shower. He came bearing food which I desperately needed; the little bit that I’d had earlier in the day was practically inhaled.

“Well, don’t you smell pretty,” he greeted, kissing the top of my head before making his way into the room. I’d missed him, and his loving and affectionate ways.

“Well, I smelled like a field Marine after working today, and my muscles feel as if I’ve been on a ten mile hump.”

He laughed and took a seat on my bed, taking two sub sandwiches and small bowls of pasta salad from the bag he was holding. I took a seat and dug in, savoring the food.

“So what’s the deal with these fraternizing charges? I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.”

“I know, and I’m really sorry, but we found out who’s been talking.”

“Really? Do tell…”

I took another bite, trying to chew quickly before speaking again. “Do you know Sergeant Vernon?”

Dalton sat thinking for a minute before shaking his head.

“Well, apparently, he works in Admin and can’t stand Alex. It turns out he was in the tattoo shop just outside the gate and got to talking to Nat, Riley’s girl. Well, she was talking and somehow got onto Alex and mentioned me and how awesome we are. Sergeant Vernon gave the info to First Sergeant.”

“What a bitch. And what an asshole that guy is.”

“Natasha didn’t know, so I don’t fault her. But it doesn’t stop there.”

“Let me guess. Angelica ran her mouth?”

“I almost wish it had been her, but no. Shockingly, she hasn’t said anything, but Alex’s mom did.”

“What the fuck? I thought you said she liked you.”

“She does, but when First Sergeant called her, asking vague questions, she thought something had happened to Alex.”

“So he tricked her into talking about you?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“What an ass. What did Alex say about it? And worse yet, what did his grandma say about it?”

My skin turned cold. Guadalupe was the one person that I was worried about more than anything with this whole situation. Everyone else seemed level headed enough that we could explain the circumstances to and be okay, but Alex’s grandmother already had her suspicions about me, and seeing what Alex stood to lose was certainly not going to sit well with her.

“I don’t know. Alex hasn’t told them yet.”

Dalton’s eyes bulged. “Why not? And when do you two plan on telling them? Don’t you think they need to know?”

“Yes, but Alex is going to be the one to do it, and I’m, assuming he’s going to wait until after this weekend.”

“What happens this weekend?”

I took a deep breath, then smiled. “Alex and I are getting married.”

“What? Why so soon?”

His tone came out more accusatory than I would have liked, but I brushed it off and gave him the answer. “Because First Sergeant O’Hara is moving at warp speed. He got Major Godinez to get the pre-trial hearing moved up to Monday, and Alex thinks it will best if we went into court married. It shows the judge something.”

“And you’re just going to go along with it? What do you think?”

“I know you’re thinking we’re getting married for all the wrong reasons, but that’s not the case. We were going to get married regardless, and this just helps our cause. I love him, Dalton, and I can’t wait to have him in the one way that means more than anything else.”

A sparkle went off in his icy blue eyes. The boyish charm that he so easily exuded was coming back, front and center. “Well, I’m delighted for you then. I know how much you love him. Where are you getting married?”

“I have no idea—”

“It’s all a surprise for her,” Alex interrupted, standing in the doorway of the room holding a small, brown paper bag. “All she knows is that I’m giving her my last name. Everything else is left up to me.”

He strolled into the room, looking exquisite in a pair of jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt. I couldn’t believe that he was mine, and would be filling the void that was the other part of my heart.

“What you got there, Conquerer?”

His eyebrows shot up as he gently sucked on his bottom lip. A faint smile filled with seduction caressed my lips as I stared back at him. Dalton looked on in pure confusion.

“Your friend is here, Blondie. Don’t start shit.”

I looked over to Dalton and smiled, which he returned, albeit nervously.

“I brought you some Tylenol and Icy Hot patches. You said you were sore, and since I can’t be with you tonight, I thought this might help.”

He sat the bag down on the bed, then kissed me before turning for the door. Staring at his ass as he walked away temporarily put me into a trance. I could get lost in his body twenty-four seven, seven days a week.

“Thanks for making sure she eats, Dalton. Can you make sure she gets some meds in her system as well? I have a few things I need to do,” Alex called out, turning and looking over his shoulder.

“You’ve got it, man.”

Alex stopped walking and turned to me, narrowing his hazel eyes that were crusted in lust. “I love you, babe,” he said, the words warm and gentle, melting the ache that lay throbbing inside my body away.

“I love you too.”

He winked then strolled out the door, leaving me sitting with a fool’s grin on my face, and Dalton’s mouth hung low.

“I take my questions back. I can totally see this wedding happening.”

“So you’ll be there? Please say you will. I can’t imagine marrying without my best friend by my side.”

Dalton’s eyelids lowered, darkening his emphatic gaze and popping the balloon that held my excitement. I didn’t like what spread across his face, and I didn’t particularly care to hear whatever was coming next. “I really wish I could, Cassie, but we’ll be in the field starting tomorrow night through the middle of next week. I’m so sorry, but there’s no way I can be there.”

My stomach twisted with his words. Dalton had been everything to me in the midst of the scandal that I found myself embroiled in. He was my friend, my brother, my confidant, and I couldn’t believe that I would be embarking on the next big step in my life, and he wouldn’t be there to be a part of it.

“Hey, you know if I could, I’d be there in a heartbeat.”

“I know,” I finally answered. “It just never dawned on me that you’d be tied up in work, and you wouldn’t be able to be there, but this is what happens when you move on to the fleet. You actually do shit Marines are supposed to be doing.”

He leaned over and gave me a hug. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Who will be there?”

”As of now, just me, Alex, Riley, and Nat.”

“Natasha? Alex is okay with that?”

“Yes, it wasn’t her fault. Alex finally realizes that.”

“No Emmalyn Bennett?”

Hearing my mother’s name destroyed my mood. It was remarkable, and all together sad just how destructive the woman had been in my life. Even now, when I thought I had purged myself of her, the mere mention of her name disgusted me as if she were once again sharing my breathing space.

“No fucking way, Dalton. Don’t even play like that.”

He held up in his hands in defense, understanding the severity of my reaction. “I’m sorry. It was a joke. A poorly timed one, but a joke nonetheless.”

I was being ridiculous. Dalton knew how much I loathed my mother, and just how awful of a person that she was to me, but freaking out at the mention of her name was a bit overboard, and the roller coaster of emotions that I had sent him through since he’d gotten into my room was probably a bit much for him.

“You’re fine, sorry. I need to loosen up a little.”

“Yeah you do, Mrs. Cruz.”

His words put a smile on my face and warmed me from head to toe. I had no idea when I’d checked into Comm School just how drastic my life was due to change and even after everything that we’d gotten ourselves into, I was in no way prepared for what we were ready to embark on next. All I knew was that I was ready—ready to take the plunge.

That thought had me excited and nervous all at the same time.

++++

Alex was in my room bright and early, waking me up and escorting me to the chow hall. He complained the night before that he was missing me, and having to share me with Dalton was crippling him and turning him into a whiny little bitch who needed to be with me every night. I laughed at his words, fully aware that he was just pouting, but reassured him that, after this weekend, we wouldn’t have to worry about that.

Those words sparked an epiphany for me. I hadn’t given much thought to what a marriage with Alex would mean. Not only would I be his wife, but I’d be free to leave the barracks and make his home my own. I’d also collect BAH, and have priority over any and everyone else when it came to Alex and his well-being. For some reason, those thoughts scared me. A marriage didn’t just mean we’d sign our names to a piece of paper and live happily ever after. It meant we had to tackle and face real life obstacles, big and small. We would finally be granted the freedom to live and function as a couple, but with that came larger and more pressing issues.

What would become of us after the court-martial? If we were found guilty, we’d be once again pulled apart, thrown into the brig, possibly discharged, and left to pick up the shattered pieces or our fragile lives. The thought of that happening sickened me, giving me an adverse reaction to the food sitting on the plate before me.

“What’s the matter, babe? You aren’t eating, and you’re awfully quiet.”

“I’m just thinking…”

“About what? You have me fucking nervous over here.”

I laughed. Alex being nervous was new. He wasn’t nervous when O’Hara was threatening to destroy everything he had worked so hard for, yet he was nervous at my silence.

“I’m just thinking about what it’s going to be like being married.”

“It’s going to be a hell of a fucking lot better than this situation. I hate sleeping without you. I don’t like that cold side of the fucking bed. The house is missing its spirit when you’re gone, and it needs you in it.”

“You don’t live alone. You have Riley. Did you apologize to Nat?”

“Riley has been staying at Nat’s place, so no, I haven’t. And fuck those two. I love them, but they aren’t you. I can’t wait to take you home for good.”

“What about Riley?”

“What about him? If you want him gone, I’ll ask him to look for a new place.”

I shook my head. How Alex could be so cold was alarming. “No, I don’t want you to get rid of him. I’m wondering how he’ll feel about me moving in.”

“That doesn’t matter. You’re about to be my wife, Cassie, and I’m the owner of that house, so if you want it to be just me and you, say the word, and I’ll make it happen. If not, then it stays the way it is. But listen…” He softly rubbed my hand as it sat on the table. “All I care about it making you happy. Making all of your fucking dreams come true is what I’m going to do.”

I couldn’t help but fall under the spell of Alex’s words. With his smooth, husky voice passing over the plumpness of his moist lips, and the intense gaze of golden eyes, I was taken, held captive, and left to his disposal. He knew he could get me that way, and moved on to a provocative lip suck, making me wish we were in the confines of a bedroom instead of seated in the middle of a crowded chow hall. The thick material of cammies were only intensifying the heat that Alex had put between my legs, making me cross them to keep from coming undone.

“Well, good morning. If it isn’t Twentynine’s most scandalous couple. It’s nice seeing you both out and about. No more lurking in the shadows,” a voice lowly murmured.

My eyes finally landed on the name tape: Vernon.

The sweet, seductive gleam in Alex’s eyes was long gone, now replaced by annoyance with traces or fury.

“What the fuck do you want, Vernon?”

“Just wanted to stop by and say good morning. I don’t think I’ve actually met Pfc. Bennett.” He reached out his hand for mine, his devious smile sending chills down my spine, and certainly not in a good way.

I looked over to Alex who had his eyes deadlocked on Vernon’s hand, watching to see if I would take it. I reached out and took his hand, shaking it firmly enough to crack a knuckle.

“Wow, that’s quite a grip you’ve got Pfc. Don’t want to make you mad.”

Alex’s expression shifted to menacing. He stood, placing one hand on Vernon’s upper back, and leaning over to whisper loudly in his ear. “I don’t know what the fuck you want from me or Cassie, but whatever it is, you won’t be getting a damn thing. You’ve done your part, now back the fuck up before I do it for you.”

“You already have one assault charge against you, Alex. Let’s not add another,” Vernon replied, smiling so disingenuously that a blind man could see it. “I hadn’t met the girl that was finally able to tame the fucking beast, so I thought I would come over and introduce myself. Lo and behold, she’s a fucking tiger. I expected no less.”

His words were flowing, but I had no clue what he was talking about. To anyone not seated with us, this scene probably looked like two guys casually exchanging information, but shrouded by the bulk of bodies were subliminal messages and threats of violence, leaving me as the third party and wondering what would happen next. Alex was volatile when pushed too far, and I could tell Vernon was getting to that point.

“I see you two need to finish your breakfast, so I’ll leave you to it,” Vernon nonchalantly said. “I should probably grab something to eat myself, although the meal I had this morning was more than filling. You’d know, Alex. You’ve had it a few times before.”

My eyes floated over to Alex, wondering what Vernon was referring to. Alex’s eyes darkened as he held his lips in a tight scowl. Whatever had happened between him and Vernon in the past was obviously a sore subject here, making the situation almost unbearable.

“Oh, look. There she is now.” Alex and I both followed Vernon’s eyes and sadly landed on Sgt. Castillo. “I’d be careful if I were you, Pfc. Bennett. Alex has a way of making women fall for him, then dropping them without a second thought. He’s made enough enemies to last him a lifetime, and if you don’t watch yourself, you’ll soon be able to count yourself on that friendly list.”

He turned to Alex. “You’d better be careful who you fuck over because they’ll turn around and fuck you right back.”

Alex lurched for him, but I moved quickly, and threw myself in the way. “You’re a fucking dead man, Vernon.”

“Homicide will look good on your list of charges, Cruz. Have a good day, you two.”

I watched Sgt. Vernon as he walked away. Sgt. Castillo had moved closer to the door, averting our stares as we looked in their direction. She wasn’t acting like herself, and as I was turning to face Alex again, it hit me, knocking me back into my seat with the realization of what was happening here.

“Alex, Castillo is fucking this guy isn’t she?”

“I don’t know, and I certainly don’t fucking care.” He was stewing, trying to channel the anger that Vernon had lifted out of him. “Why do you care?”

“Because he all of a sudden has an interest in us, and I’d never heard of all him until now. He said something about turning around and fucking you right back. I read between the lines and figured it out.”

Alex rubbed his hands over his face, seemingly frustrated and done with the bullshit that had become our morning. “What did you figure out?”

“Alex, wake up. Castillo didn’t want to implicate herself in this directly, so she has a hired hand. A proxy. She’s probably been feeding information to Vernon because she knows that you two don’t like each other. She can look like the good guy here because she knew of our dirty little secret and held it in, but meanwhile, she fed this guy things and let him be the one to run his mouth. It works perfectly for her.”

“Son of a bitch,” Alex muttered. “I don’t know why I didn’t fucking see that.”

“Because you’re a guy. That’s what I’m here for,” I answered, trying to lighten the mood. “Why is his grudge so strong? What is the problem between you two?”

Alex met my gaze but didn’t answer. Whatever it was, he didn’t want to get into it in this chow hall. “I’ll tell you about it later on. I can’t dig into that shit right now. Come on, let’s go.”

Thoughts swirled around my head. We all had a past, some more unpleasant than others, but whatever happened with Vernon required my full and undivided attention, in the privacy of our own home.

I knew it was heavy.

I knew it was ugly.

I knew I wanted to hear it.

I knew I didn’t want to hear it.

Whatever the case, I needed to empty the nauseating feeling settling within me, and walking out into the stifling morning heat was doing nothing to help that sentiment.

“If I can get out at lunch, I’ll swing by and pick you up,” Alex said before quickly kissing my cheek.

I placed my cover on my head and smiled, hoping he couldn’t see that my mind was on overdrive and that I was getting lost in all of the conundrum twisting and turning my insides, but it was too late. He’d seen it, and his eyes were pinned on me with grave curiosity. I pulled my cover even lower, then turned and headed off in the direction of First Sergeant O’Hara’s office knowing that the sickening feeling that I felt would only amplify once he was in my presence.

Chapter 7

Alex

Riley and I stayed up that night thinking of ways to deal with Vernon. Sadly, I couldn’t do much since the looming court date was fast approaching and Captain Hedlund didn’t want any undue attention focused on me. It was killing me not to tear into Vernon and rip him a new asshole. He was trying to get under my skin, and it was fucking working.

Vernon’s little stunt in the chow hall got Cassie’s attention, and she’d asked me numerous times that night what his deal was. I knew I needed to tell her, but the complexities of my unfortunate circumstances of knowing him were too much to deal with on the phone. Cassie was sure to have questions, and it would be better for the both of us if I could sit her down and give her the scoop on that dick.

When I walked into the chow hall the next morning and spotted her, she was sitting and chatting with Dalton and some other guy who I’d never seen before. I hadn’t seen that type of smile on her face in quite some time, and it stung just a little to see that she was back to her happy, carefree self, and I wasn’t the one making her feel that way. I walked over to their table, meeting Dalton’s eye before she noticed me, then placed my hand on her shoulder before taking a seat next to her. She looked up to me, smiled, then looked back to the prick sitting across from her. I wanted so badly to kiss her, to show this asshole that she was mine, but I quickly remembered that we were in uniform, sitting in a very crowded chow hall, so I’d have to send him the message another way.

“Good morning, babe,” I greeted, hoping this dude was taking notice. His eyes locked with mine, and he studied me, but didn’t have anything to say.

“Good morning,” Cassie greeted in return. “This is Lance Corporal Johnson. He’s Dalton’s new roommate.” The guy stuck his hand out, still studying me. “Johnson, this is—”

“Sergeant Cruz, Cassie’s fiancé,” I quickly interrupted, letting this guy know that she was spoken for. Cassie gave me a questioning glance, but I went on to shake Johnson’s hand, then gave a quick head nod to Dalton before focusing my attention back to her. “We need to get a move on. We have to stop and see Captain Hedlund before he leaves for the weekend.”

Cassie nodded her head, then turned to Dalton and said goodbye. I did the same, then turned with Cassie and walked out of the chow hall and out into the blistering morning heat. We’d only walked about thirty feet away from the hall when Cassie stopped and glared at me.

“What was that about?”

“What?” I asked, gauging the level of anger that she was studiously trying to withhold.

“Your pissing match in there. You acted as if Johnson groped me or something.”

I didn’t want to get into this out here. “Cassie, I don’t like fucking strange guys. It damn near killed me that you stayed in the barracks last night. I wasn’t here to fucking protect you, and we both know what happened the last—”

“Stop right there. Yes, a crazy fuck attacked me, but I’m a big girl, Alex. A Marine. I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can. That doesn’t mean I want you to.”

Emerald green eyes pierced my soul—a mix of frustration and admiration swirling through them, her face overzealously working to hide the smirk that was making its way to the surface. The longer I stood there, waiting for whatever reaction she was about to let loose, the more fucking turned on I got. Cassie was intoxicatingly beautiful, even when she was stewing. It was moments like these, when she didn’t back down and take my shit that I found her the most attractive. She was a definite challenge, and in every way that mattered, I loved that about her.

“Look, we have a lot to sort through, but first we need to get to Captain Hedlund’s, then later you get to fill me in on Vernon.” Her eyebrows rose with the mention of that prick’s name, and I was reminded that she wasn’t going to let that go so easily.

I hated all of the shit that seemed to be circling us every which way that we turned. At some point, I was going to need a reprieve because, at the moment, I was getting swallowed by nagging bullshit. I snuck a quick kiss as the absence of her touch was becoming too much for me, then led us in the direction of the Captain’s office.

++++

“Take a seat, Sergeant Cruz, Pfc. Bennett,” Captain Hedlund instructed as we walked into his office. “As you know, O’Hara moved your pre-trial hearing up to Monday, so I have my team working through the weekend to make sure that we’re ready. Now, I was informed that a pair of Sergeant Cruz’s dog tags were found in your wall locker, Pfc. Bennett. How did those dog tags make it there?”

“I put them there, sir. They were a gift from Alex.”

Captain Hedlund shut his eyes and exhaled, then rubbed his hand over his face before speaking again. “As far as any incriminating evidence they may have gotten from your phone, Sergeant Cruz, I will be asking the judge to disregard it since your phone was taken before proper authority was given to do so.”

I nodded in appreciation. My phone was probably the most incriminating piece of evidence besides my own given confession.

“I will be away from base this weekend, but my team will be hard at work and I will only be a phone call away. You two need to report to my office at zero seven on Monday morning, and we will go over any last minute details before the hearing. You are to wear Service Alphas. Do you have any questions?”

I looked to Cassie who shook her head, then back to Captain Hedlund. “No questions, sir, but I wanted to let you know that Cassie and I will be getting married this weekend.”

His eyes landed on me, shifted over to Cassie, then back over to me. Disapproval shrouded his face, and he sat still, almost in disbelief. “Why are you rushing a wedding?”

“It’s not just a wedding, sir. For starters, I want to be married to her. And furthermore, being married could significantly impact our case. If the judge sees that this wasn’t just some instructor trying to get off on a student, then that might help us, right?”

He sat stoic, taking in what I was saying, but still not uttering a word.

“Also, I know how bad First Sergeant O’Hara has it out for me, so if he tries to ship me off somewhere, I want to have a fighting chance to have Cassie with me, and I know that will only happen if we are legally married.”

I watched as Captain Hedlund opened and shut his mouth, trying to find the right thing to say. “I’m not convinced that you two getting married is the best thing for you right now. The judge could look at it like a contract marriage which is frowned upon, and if the judge thinks you are only trying to marry for benefits, it certainly won’t work out in your favor.”

I didn’t like what he was saying. I didn’t want to wait any longer to make Cassie my wife. After everything that we had been though, putting a ring on her finger and attaching my last name to her first name was the only thing that I saw in front of us. It was the only thing that would make things right in our world. And regardless of what Hedlund thought about it, I was going to make that happen.

“With all due respect, sir, I’ve been through too much to wait for this. Cassie and I want to be married, and we’re going to do it. I just wanted to give you the heads up.”

I glanced over to Cassie who lightly smiled.

“I can’t stop you two from getting married, but I need to know where you’re going and how long you plan to be gone.”

“I will call you this evening with all of that information, sir.”

His tightened expression never wavered. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Cassie and me jetting off to get married, but honestly, if I were about to go down for loving this girl, I wanted her to be mine. They could punish me all they fucking wanted, but as long as Cassie was my wife, none of that shit would matter.

We walked out of the legal building and over to the walkway that split in two, sending us both in opposite directions. Cassie’s thoughts were written all over her face, and the look she wore worried me, worried me much more than anything Captain Hedlund had said in his office.

“Alex, Captain Hedlund might be right. Rushing into marriage could backfire. We’re drowning in this shit storm, and we don’t need to add anything else to the mix right now.”

My heart began pounding in my chest hard enough to break free. What was she saying? Had Captain Hedlund successfully planted the seeds of doubt in her mind and she was backing away from—from us? Words were a jumbled mess tumbling around in my head, and I couldn’t string a sentence together. I couldn’t even think.

“Alex—”

“I’ll pick you up this afternoon,” I reminded her before sneaking another quick kiss and turning to walk away. I just had to get through one more day, then we could put this shit behind us, even for the weekend.

++++

Castillo was hovering when I made my way into the Admin office that morning, acting extra fucking sweet as she asked about Cassie and her well-being. Every time something came out of her mouth, it irked me. I knew she was asking to be fucking nosy instead of actually caring about how Cassie was doing. I could see right through her charade, and if I weren’t tied to this piece of shit Admin office, I would let loose on her already and make sure that she stayed the hell away from me. I hadn’t seen Vernon all morning, and oddly, I was a bit disappointed. If I were going to lose my shit on anyone, consequences be damned, it would be that pencil dick. I had no idea where he was, and watching the doors, waiting for him to walk through, made me nervous with anticipation.

“Are you okay, Alex?” Castillo asked.

“I’m fine. Where the fuck is Vernon?”

Her eyes gazed at me, almost with alarm. “Why are you asking? You two don’t get along.”

“Precisely,” I answered.

I walked away from her without another word. She had something up her sleeve, I could feel it, and the fact that Vernon a source of contention brought the unmistakable realization that the common denominator was once again standing before me. How I’d allowed myself to get caught up in her was beyond me. Pussy was pussy, unless it was Cassie, and if I had known then what I knew now, I’d have passed Castillo’s up and never caused myself such headache.

The rest of the day I handled all of the errand running, making sure I could get out of the office and away from the bullshit that was surrounding me. I didn’t give a shit that it was well over one hundred degrees and that the errand running had me sweating like a fucking pig. It was a million times better than being cooped in that office, having to contain irritation while staring at paper after paper. When the work day finally ended and we secured for the weekend, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

Nothing and no one was going to hold me back. Every asshole here at Twentynine would just have to wait until after the weekend when I was a married man with a clear head, ready to tackle all of their shit head on.

++++

When we pulled up at the house, Riley’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. Cassie and I would have the house all to ourselves which was a welcome sign for me. I wanted as much alone time with her as possible. I carried her into the house and back into our bedroom, laying her down and undressing her before I kissed up and down her beautiful, sun-kissed legs. She was smooth and enticing, and she pulled me up to meet her mouth as she overpowered me with her swirling tongue.

I felt my dick harden, then tingles coated my skin. I had been without her for so long that it was physically hurting, but I was afraid of taking her too far; afraid that it might trigger something for her and set her back, and I couldn’t bear to be the cause of that. I gently pulled back from her, then undressed my upper torso and laid down next to her.

“Why do you keep running from me?” she asked. The tone of her voice—the innocence mixed with her hurt in her eyes—sliced me in half.

“I’m not running, Blondie—”

“Yes, you are. We haven’t had sex since I was released, and it’s almost as if you’re afraid to touch me. As if I disgust you.”

My heart stopped. Her words, filled with such agony, were ripping me apart. I took her chin in my hands and turned her so that we met face to face.

“Let me tell you something. You are not fucking disgusting to me, and I don’t ever want to hear you say that again, you understand me?”

She didn’t respond. She held my gaze, staring at me as if she were waiting for me to crack and tell her what she had suspected.

“You are the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me, without a doubt. Nothing matters to me besides making you happy and keeping you happy. If that’s all I have left in this life, then that’s what I’m going to spend the rest of my time doing.”

A small tear ran down her face, prompting me to wipe it away with the pad of my thumb.

“We’ve been through a lot, Cassie, and as crazy as it is to think, we’ve only scratched the surface of what is to come, but I have to get through my own head, and I’m asking you to bear with me and help me get through it.”

She sniffled, then nodded her head before taking my face in her delicate little hands. “I just want to make sure you still love me the way you did before all of that shit happened. Because from where I’m sitting, I can’t understand how you can love me, but be physically unable to be with me.”

“Cassie, I love you more than I did before all of that shit happened.”

“Then how is it that you can’t be intimate with me? You can’t see yourself making love to me. Hell, you can’t even fuck me.”

The hurt was shining through her bright green eyes, stabbing me in the chest with every word she spoke. I was so caught up in my own head that I wasn’t seeing what all of this was doing to her. I hated that she felt as if the physical stuff was the glue that held us together because it wasn’t—it was more like the fucking icing on the cake. Somehow, I had to make her see that, to understand. And even more so, to be okay with it.

“You need to listen to me, Cassie. I stopped fucking you a while ago. Those days are over. When you took me, and loved me out on that beach, I loved you right back. I don’t ever want you to think of us as just fucking because that ship has sailed. I’m in love with you. In. Fucking. Love. With. You. And I’ll be damned if sex is the only thing that keeps us together. It’s a part of us, but it isn’t us.”

She lay quietly for a moment, taking everything in. “I just have a hard time figuring you out. Sex is what brought us together, and it’s a major factor in our relationship. You wanted to fuck me above all else—”

“Wanted. Past tense. Then I got to know you for the fucking awesome and amazing person that you are. And yes, I enjoy making love to you because that’s what it is, but it isn’t the end all for us. What Allen did to you ripped me to the fucking core, and I didn’t realize it until now. I want to sever that motherfucker’s balls off and suffocate him with them because he hurt us. I promise you, Cassie, if you’ll just bear with me, I will rid that dipshit from my mind, from us.”

A faint, almost nervous smile caressed her lips as she snuggled into me, her sweet vanilla scent lingering in the air, bringing a sense of calm over the two of us. I took down her bun, giving myself the space to run my fingers through her hair, when she stopped me.

“Are you going to tell me about Vernon?”

I knew that was coming. I had hoped she would hold off, but I saw that it wasn’t going to happen. “You don’t want to wait on this?”

She vehemently shook her head, letting me know that the time was here and now.

I blew out a breath, not wanting to dig into such bullshit at the moment. “Well, Vernon and I met while I was in the middle of my divorce from Evelyn. He had just checked in to the schoolhouse, and he seemed like a cool guy, so we let him roll with us. It was during the time that Castillo and I started sleeping together. What I didn’t fucking know was that she had been sleeping with him as well. So here we were, hanging out like fucking buds, not knowing that we were sleeping with the same fucking chick, but it didn’t take long for it to get out because she’s sloppy as shit. He had a problem with it, just as I did. He asked why I was sleeping with her if I was still married, and I let him know that I was in the middle of a divorce, but I didn’t want Leti anyway. He seemed all right with that.”

“Did you stop sleeping with her?”

“Yes, I was just sleeping with her in hopes that it would get back to Evelyn, so when my mission was accomplished, I was done, but my friendship with her somehow gave the impression that we were going to rekindle something, so she broke things off with Vernon, saying I was the person she was truly in love with. He distanced himself from all of us after that.”

“Were you in love with her?”

“Fuck no. And you already know that.”

Cassie’s eyes had me pinned, and I hated having to rehash this very embarrassing part of me, but it had to be done. I wanted to take the next step with her with a closet free of skeletons.

“Leti and I became platonic friends again, but she never let Vernon know that, and quite honestly, it wasn’t my fucking place to tell him shit. I didn’t owe the dude anything, but his hate for me grew. He was telling people that he loved her and shit. Whatever. He hasn’t liked me ever since. That’s why he’d be eager to rat me out the second he got anything on me.”

Cassie swallowed, and I felt her head shake against my chest. “Alex, can’t you see what she’s doing?”

“What?”

An annoyed laugh barrelled out of Cassie. “Castillo is using Vernon to do her dirty work. Why else would she have this dude around again? From what I can tell, she knows he loves her, and she doesn’t love him, but she will gladly use him so that she stays clean. How can you not see this?”

Cassie had a good point. Castillo was manipulative, and I wouldn’t put something like this past her. “I didn’t even think of that, but now that you mention it, it does sound like something she would cook up.”

Cassie looked up, melting me with those sparkling eyes of hers. “At this point Alex, I know all about your sordid past, the scorned lovers, the angry ex-friends, and all I want is for us to be happy. I just want to be your wife and start fresh.”

“I want all of that too, except I don’t want to be your wife.” She hit my chest, then laughed. “And I’ve been giving it some thought. I have too much history, too much baggage here, and I think it’s best that we unload it all.”

“What are you saying?” she asked, shock filling her voice.

“I’m saying I think it’s best that we get out of here. Leave Twentynine behind. If I can request orders, I’m going to request that they PCS us to another base. We need it.”

“No!” she shrieked.

I was caught off guard, and certainly not expecting that reaction. “Why not? I thought you’d be happy to get away.”

“No, Alex, I was so happy when my Lejeune orders got cancelled, and I got to stay here.”

“Yeah, and that was when we thought we’d be split up. Now we’re both stuck here, sitting around in this cesspool of fake fucking people, trying to under mind every fucking thing we’ve worked so hard for. We need to get away from here, Cassie.”

“I don’t want to leave. I figured me getting to stay with you was what we wanted.”

“Us being together is what I wanted. I don’t really give a shit where it is as long as it’s away from here.” She sat up, looking down on me as if she couldn’t conceive what I was saying. “Cassie, let me remind you that you have orders to the fucking wing. And not just any wing unit, but you’ll be back with Ruiz. That bitch hates you, no matter how nice she tried to play at the end of it all.”

“This has nothing to do with her, Alex. I hate the shit going on with these idiots, but Dalton is here. I don’t want to leave him either. What happens if you deploy, leaving me here? At least I’d have my best friend to help me through it.”

“Or he’ll deploy, and you’ll be alone with a bunch of fucking vultures. It makes no sense to stay here.”

“And you didn’t even ask me. You just decided that it would be best for us, and you’re running with it.”

“Cassie, it is what’s best for us. I know you’ll miss Dalton, but that’s the Corps. Friends come and go. That doesn’t mean your friendship has to end, and anyway, me and you, we’re the focus here. We’re the priority. What becomes of us is what you should be worrying about.”

“Don’t try that, Alex. Of course, I worry about us. You’re my rock, but I do love my best friend, and I’m a little pissed that you casually threw out that you’d be requesting orders for us without even discussing it with me first. We’re getting married, Alex. Marriage is about give and take, it’s about compromising, and if you think you can just bulldoze your way through everything, it’s not going to work.”

She was breathing a little heavy, noticeably showing her distress and irritation. The front door closed, signaling Riley was home. I was hoping to go out and smooth things over with Nat, but when I walked out into the living room Riley was alone on the couch, drinking a beer.

“Hey man, where’s Nat?”

Riley turned around, rubbed his head, then sipped on his beer. “She’s at the parlor.”

“Will she be over tonight? I figured I’d go ahead and smooth shit out.”

He stood, then rubbed his head again before finishing off his beer. “No, she said she’s uncomfortable coming over here right now, so I’ll be going over there once she’s off work.”

He seemed a bit bothered by that, and truthfully, I was as well. Nat and I had a pretty cool relationship, shit talking one another while I passed on her flirtations. I’d lost my shit with her, but I was ready to make amends for it, and the fact that she was staying away just didn’t seem like her.

“Did you tell her I was hoping to clear this shit up?”

“Yeah, man, I did, but I’m not going to force her to come around. You really hurt her, Alex. You and your shitty ass temper.”

Cassie came strolling out of the room, wearing a tank top and a pair of PT shorts. “What’s going on?” she asked, her eyes fixated on a rigid Riley.

“Nat’s not comfortable coming over here, and Riley’s pissed about it,” I answered, hoping to ease him back into talking.

“Did you let her know that Alex knew he was an ass and that he was hoping to fix it?”

“Yes, I did. Doesn’t change the fact that she was hurt and blindsided by it. She had no fucking clue that she was doing anything wrong, and I’m sorry Cassie, but if anyone had spoken to you the way he spoke to Nat, he would have cut their balls off and fucking fried them. A simple sorry may not fix this, and yes, I’m fucking pissed about it.”

“Do you want me to go and see her, or call her? I don’t want your and Alex’s friendship to suffer over this.”

“I don’t know. I’m gonna take her some food, and I’ll see what’s up.”

“You still planning on rolling with us tomorrow?” I asked, growing agitated that this was becoming a much bigger deal than it needed to be.

“I don’t know. I need to get shit straight with Nat.”

I couldn’t fucking believe what I was hearing. Riley, the guy who had been my right hand through all of this, who had saved me from mistake after mistake, was now turning his back on me even though I had acknowledged my wrong and was trying to make it right. If I didn’t think it would be another colossal mistake, I would have gone up to the tattoo parlor myself, but I was sure that would only add more fuel to this already burning fire.

“Well, let me know. Cassie and I are getting married tomorrow, and we need a witness.”

“I said I’ll let you know,” he murmured under his breath. “I need to go. I’ll let you know later on tonight after I have a chance to talk to her.”

“You can’t go without her?”

Riley was beginning to walk away, but paused after hearing my question. “Are you really fucking asking me that? Would you go off without Cassie? I should have decked your ass when you talked to her like that, but I stopped myself. If she isn’t comfortable around you, Alex, then I’m going to stay by her side.”

He turned to Cassie, lowering his voice and softening his tone. “Nothing against you, Cassie, but I think you get it a little more than he does.”

Cassie nodded her head.

Riley grabbed his keys and walked out. The roar of the engine filled my ears as he started his truck, then the barreling sounds of the exhaust as he peeled out of the driveway, leaving me and Cassie standing there.

“You have to understand, Alex—”

“Orders. Now do you see? We fucking need them, Cassie. We need a fresh start, away from this stupid bullshit. I was wrong, yes, I fucking was, but I wanted to make it right with Nat and now this. Fuck it. I’m not kissing ass. When she’s ready to talk to me, she can come to me. The only person I’m chasing is the one I’m fucking, and she sure as shit isn’t it.”

“Alex…I thought you didn’t fuck me anymore.”

Fuck! I was so caught up that the words came out all wrong.

“You know what I mean…”

Cassie stood there agitated, arms folded across her chest, lips in a tightly held pout. I was beyond pissed and growing more and more irritated by the second. She couldn’t see it now, but a new set of orders would be good for us. It was just what we needed, and I intended to make that happen as soon as I slipped a ring on her finger and got through all of this court shit. Life was growing more and more challenging by the day, and if getting out of this desert would make it easier for us, I was hell bent on making that happen.

“You need to get yourself together, Alex. We’re both under a lot of stress, but you’re unraveling, and I don’t care for it.”

I turned for her and held out my hand, but she quickly rebuffed it, turning and storming off while her long, beautiful hair billowed behind her. Common sense told me to stay where I was because she was pissed, and chasing after her was only going to make matters worse.

I needed to chill the fuck out. I needed a break from the incessant conflict.

A beer in my hand and the TV sounding off loudly as I drank returned me to a sense of calm. Cassie stayed in the room, and when I’d finally had enough of being alone, I slowly walked back there, finding her asleep in nothing but a skimpy pair of panties. I undressed and slid into bed next to her, pulling her close to me.

My only hope was that marrying her would set shit straight. She was right—I was starting to lose it, and I needed my sanity back, or things were going to go south in a fucking hurry.

Chapter 8

Cassie

The night was long.

I couldn’t settle into a comfortable sleep, even after Alex had finally come to bed. Everything was wearing me thin, dragging me through the trenches, and leaving me spent at the end of it all. Now Alex was anxious to get married, and while I didn’t doubt his love for me, or my love for him, I wasn’t sure that it was the best thing for us at the moment.

The fact that he was mentally incapable of the intimacy that I needed was a serious sticking point. Our love had blossomed through an intense lust that we shared for one another. Our physical connection was the foundation that made way for what we had now, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I needed him in that way, and yet, he was unable to give that to me. How was I supposed to promise to be his forever when such a massive hole had settled into our relationship? It was the pink elephant dangling over our heads; the constant reminder that not everything was on the straight and narrow and it worried me more than court-martial or anything else.

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling with Alex’s big, muscular arm draped across my midsection and his face buried into my chest. It felt so good lying next to him, skin to skin, that close contact sending even the slightest hint of reassurance my way. I turned my head ever so slightly, my eyes landing just over Alex’s head, to his broad shoulders, and the very top of his back. I saw the very tip of the cross tattoo on his back, and thought of his family. I had no idea what they knew as far as Alex and I were concerned, and the unknown was beginning to make me sweat. He was the prize in his family, the idol, the prodigal son. Now, he was falling and falling fast, and part of that fall was my fault.

Alex began to stir, his arm tightening around my body as he kissed my chest just above my breasts. The electric force that rushed through my body at the feel of his lips had to be quelled because I knew this wasn’t going to go where I wanted it to go, and I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment.

“Morning, Blondie,” he rasped, his morning voice saddled with extra husk.

“Morning.”

“I haven’t had a night of sleep this good in forever.” He propped himself up on his elbow, allowing his golden eyes to gleam into mine. “I can’t wait to wake up to you every single day. This feels fucking amazing.”

I smiled. Sweet Alex was a real treat, and I had to admit that I enjoyed it when I could get it. He could be a real charmer when he wanted to be.

“Time to get up. We have quite the weekend ahead of us.”

He rolled over and stood, his cock hard as a rod, teasing and tempting me to grab him and just have my way with him. But if he were still in that state of mind, I didn’t want to do anything to further alienate myself where he was concerned.

“Where are we headed?”

He smiled down on me, that impeccably perfect, white smile, matched with the honey hue of his eyes slowly and seductively making me unravel. Alex was beyond beautiful, and he was cocky as hell in the fact that he knew it.

“No questions. Just get up and get dressed.”

“How should I dress?” I figured getting him to tell me how to look would giveaway where we were headed.

“However you want to,” he said, flashing that million dollar smile my way.

Shaking my head, I pushed the covers off, then stood. Alex made his way around to my side of the bed and took me in his arms, pulling me up against his rock hard chest—the erection he was sporting unable to avoid the inner part of my thighs. He kissed my neck, then his moist, plump and wholly delectable lips trailed down my neckline and over to my collarbone. What he was doing felt incredible and unfair. His touch was my kryptonite.

Slowly pulling away, he commanded, “Get in the shower and I’ll make us some breakfast.”

My lips pursed. As much as I knew that he wouldn’t go there, I was hoping that he would, and the fact that he hadn’t allowed a bit of disappointment to settle within me. I tried hard to smile, only able to muster a very faint one, then turned for the bathroom. Alex smacked my ass and turned for the dresser, throwing on some shorts before leaving the room. I wasn’t sure what was going through his head, but my emotions were written all over my face, and he was either oblivious or ignoring them. Either way, I was growing more agitated by the second.

When I stepped out of the shower, the smell of bacon and chorizo filled the house, sending my stomach into a convulsion of movements. I was hungry as all hell, and even though Alex was pissing me off, he knew his food would go a long way to smooth things over. I threw my hair up into a towel, then dressed in a camisole top and some PT shorts. Alex was singing in the kitchen when I strolled in, wearing nothing but a tight fitting pair of PT shorts that accentuated his firm and impossibly perfect ass with every movement that he made.

“Breakfast with a show. I like it.”

He jumped, then laughed as he poured the crumbles of chorizo mixed with eggs onto my plate next to a couple of slices of bacon.

“Yes, you get a show. I could have done so much more if you had just asked.”

Shaking my head, I took a seat at the island and dug into my food. I noticed that we were still alone, and it was well into the morning. Riley hadn’t come home which worried me a little. He was supposed to be heading out with us for the day.

“Have you heard from Riley?”

Alex’s shoulders tensed as he sat his plate down and took a seat next to me. “He texted me last night and said he wouldn’t be able to make it with us today.” His voice was arctic cold, sending a shiver down my spine. The mere mention of Riley’s name had settled an angry shade over him that he was solidly sitting under.

“Did he say why?”

“We already know why, Cassie. Oh-fucking-well.”

We sat in a moment of silence, Alex’s bad aura sucking the life out of the room. I squirmed a little in my seat before I finally couldn’t take it anymore.

“Well, we can’t just go off and get married with no witness, and Dalton isn’t available this weekend.”

“We don’t need them. My family can be our witnesses. I need them present anyway.”

My mouth damn near hit the island. His family? Was he serious?

“Alex! Do you really think having your family go is the best thing for us?”

“Absolutely. I couldn’t imagine getting married without them there.” He stopped and studied me for a minute, his hazel eyes growing darker as he narrowed them while the intensity of his gaze stabbed into me. “You don’t want my family there?”

“Alex that is not what I am saying and you know it. Your grandmother doesn’t like me, so I know she won’t want to be there.”

“Cassie, that’s nonsense. My grandma does like you. She is just a little shy because she doesn’t know you.”

“My ass, Alex, but if you want to believe that, then you go right ahead and believe that.”

Alex took my plate and cleared the kitchen, making sure that everything was put back in its rightful place. He was so meticulous in that way, not wanting anything left out or causing clutter. I watched him, trying to figure out how he could be so blind to his grandmother and her treatment of me the one and only time I had ever met her. Sure, her goodbye was much more welcomed than her hello, but neither could be classified as warm and receptive, and I was having a hard time trying to figure out how Alex couldn’t see that.

When he was finished with the kitchen, he turned to me. “You ready?”

I eyed him, still a little awestruck that he was so oblivious to things, then nodded my head and jumped down from the stool. After quickly throwing on a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a tank top, I brushed my still damp hair into a tight ponytail and grabbed my bag, then headed for the truck. Once again, Alex looked well put together and delectable while I looked like a train wreck.

He took my bag and threw it into the back, then walked around and opened my door. Even when he got on my nerves, his manners never faltered, showing off that chivalry wasn’t dead.

We pulled out of the driveway, the roar of the Ram’s engine belting through my ears. I pressed the button for the window to go down, even though it was well over one hundred degrees. Something about the pent-up irritation brewing between us was making me a little unsettled, and hot air or not, I needed it to provide a reprieve from what I currently had.

Alex reached out and placed his hand on my thigh as we barreled down the road. He knew he had made me mad, but he knew how to ease that feeling, and had worked himself back into my good graces. I couldn’t stay mad at him for long, especially not when that cocky ass smirk graced his lips and those eyes sparkled into my soul the way only he knew how to do.

Letting out a sigh, I threw my head back against the headrest and placed my hand on top of his. My head turned slightly to the left and our eyes met. My heart raced a little, and butterflies went off in my stomach—this was my moment of realization. I was about to become a married woman.

There were still so many mountains to climb, and so many hurdles to jump, but Alex seemed content with it all, and his confidence was slowly easing its way into me. I wasn’t nearly as strong and poised as he was, so whatever he could pass along was welcomed by me.

I fell asleep to soft rock on the radio, hot air blowing on my face, and Alex’s hand blanketed by mine on my thigh. It was the best sleep I’d had in days.

++++

The truck stopped in the driveway of his family home. The familiar surroundings of the neighborhood should have put me at ease, but it didn’t. There wasn’t the overabundance of cars that I had been bombarded with the first time Alex surprisingly brought me over to his family home, but I knew that just on the other side of those walls was a woman who didn’t like me, and I was sure if Alex went ahead and admitted everything that was going on with us, her hatred would come spewing out.

Alex walked around and opened my door, then took my hand and led me out. He brushed a few loose strands of hair from my face before kissing my lips softly. “I love you, Blondie.”

I needed to hear it. After everything that we had been dealing with, and the anxiety of what I thought I was about to walk into, his words soothed my soul.

“I love you too.”

Alex gently flicked my nose, then took my hand in his and walked up the stone path. He took out his keys, once again forgoing a knock, unlocked the door and led me in. I could hear the TV in the living room, but couldn’t see anyone over the cut-out wall.

We walked further into the house, and a loud squeal pierced my ears. Abel ran toward us, bumping into Alex and me. Adriana wasn’t far behind, running after him, but stopped abruptly and screamed at the sight of Alex and me.

“What the fuck, Alex? Knock on a door or announce yourself before you just come sneaking into the house,” she yelled, breathing hard as her hand, now placed on her chest, moved in succession with her erratic breathing.

She punched him in the arm as she bypassed him and wrapped me up in a hug. Her artwork adorned arms held tightly as she damn near squeezed the life out of me.

“How are you, Cassie? It’s good to see you again.”

Adriana was always receptive and warm. I liked her from the moment I had met her, and her greeting towards me solidified that.

“I’m good, Adriana. How are you?”

She let me go, then hugged Alex, who had Abel latched onto his leg like a leech. “I’m good. Just chasing Abel around the house before I take him to the park. What brings you two down here?”

“We have to talk to Mama and Abuelita. Well, you too.”

“Is this about that fucking man calling here? I swear I wanted to reach through the phone and throat punch him. He was pissing me off with all of the questions.”

“You talked to him?” I asked.

“No. I didn’t, but Mama and Abuelita did. I could tell he was asking an insane amount of questions just from their answers.”

Imedla walked out of the back room and engulfed Alex in a hug. I marveled at the youthful appearance she held. She could have passed for Adriana’s and Alex’s older sister, minus all of the tattoos that they had.

“So good to see you, mijo. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would have cooked.”

“Not necessary, Mama. I came to talk to you guys.”

Imelda’s face went from joyful to worrisome in a split second. And with that, the mood of the room changed. “This must be important, Alejandro. What’s this all about?”

Alex swallowed. His eyes shifted to me, then back to his mom. “Where’s Abuelita? I need to speak to her too.”

“She’s lying down. She wasn’t—”

“I’m here and fine, Alejandro,” Guadalupe said through choking coughs. She moved slowly, looking like she was sick and hurting. Her eyes met mine with little to no emotion as she waved her hand, issuing that as her greeting. I smiled and waved back.

“Abuelita, are you okay?” Alex asked. The concern etched in his face ran deep.

“Alejandro! Talk to me. Por qué estas aquí?”

Alex wrapped his arm around his grandmother’s shoulder, then walked her into the living room. Imelda, Adriana, and I followed behind them. He helped her onto the couch, then the rest of us took our seats. Tension was thick, the air was stale, and I was beginning to perspire. The eyes floating around the room all held the same worry.

“Alejandro, does this have anything to do with that man that called here asking about Cassie?” Imelda asked, shifting her eyes from Alex to me, then back to Alex.

Alex nodded his head somberly, looking at me with a blank expression on his face. I could tell this was probably the hardest thing he was ever going to have to do—it was about to break hearts.

“First, I want to tell you all that me and Cassie are engaged, and we’re going to be married.”

Gasps filled the room. Adriana’s smile could have split her face in half while his mom sat puzzled, her eyebrows furrowing. Guadalupe’s eyes darkened, her lips forming into a deep scowl as she settled further into her seat. Thoughts were rummaging around in her head, and I was almost positive that none of them were good.

“Married?” Imelda asked. “Why so soon? Is Cassie pregnant?”

Harsh chokes escaped me. “No, I’m not pregnant.”

“Then what is it? This is pretty fast.”

“Mama, that man who called you was First Sergeant O’Hara. He is the First Sergeant for the unit that I am with. When I met Cassie, she was my student, and the Corps has a strict no fraternization rule that I broke.”

“We broke,” I threw in, hoping to show his family that I was equally at fault and not simply allowing him to take the fall for us.

“So what does that mean?” Adriana asked. The smile that had taken over face was replaced by the same puzzled look her mother held.

“It means Cassie and I, according to the Corps, should have never been together, but we were. We held our relationship in secret, but something happened to Cassie, and now our relationship is out in the open, and First Sergeant O’Hara is going after us.”

I swallowed as I stared into Guadalupe’s dark and menacing eyes. The more Alex spoke, the deeper her hatred for me grew.

“I’m confused,” Imelda said, shaking her head. “What do you mean going after you? Are you going to be in any trouble with your career?”

“If he has his way, then yes.”

Imelda’s hand shot to her chest as she sat back on the couch, breathing hard.

“What sort of trouble, Alejandro?”

“Well, Monday morning is our pre-trial hearing. First Sergeant O’Hara is having us court-martialed.”

“Um, Alex…I don’t know a whole lot about the Marines, but I do know that a court-martial is not good. Don’t you go to jail when you have those?” Adriana asked, holding her mother’s hand.

“Potentially, yes,” Alex answered calmly, worrying his family even more. They were filled with worry and doubt, and he was treating it as if it were just another daily occurrence. I could feel his family’s pain because I felt it too—I was afraid of the unknown.

“Lo sabia,” Guadalupe hissed. “I knew it, Alejandro. You let this girl pull you down. You break rules for her and lose your career. Why you want to marry her? Things will only get worse.”

Her words cut deep.

I knew she didn’t like me, but the disdain in her voice and the intensity of her accent didn’t mask the hatred she had for me. Like an arctic chill down in my bones, the pain sliced away at me as her eyes filled me with her venom. She wanted to make sure I knew how she felt about me.

“It’s not like that, Abuelita.”

“Then what? You been doing so good, and now you meet her, and now you lose your career. Me averguenzo de ti, Alejando.” Guadalupe’s hands flew wildly in my direction, and I was sure she would have slapped me if I had been close enough.

“Abuelita,” Adriana chided, offended by whatever her grandmother had just said. “We are not ashamed of Alex. He is still the same guy he’s always been. He just made a bad choice.”

My heart was breaking into a million pieces. I had expected his family to take the news badly, but I guess I hadn’t prepared myself for this. Adriana calling me a bad choice hurt the most. I hadn’t looked at myself in that light, and now that it was shining brightly down on me, I couldn’t escape it.

Perhaps I was a bad choice. If Alex hadn’t met me, he’d still be that straight and narrow Marine that everyone admired. He wouldn’t have lost his friendships, his instructorship, and now the respect of his family. I was the reason for all of this, and it was breaking me.

“I didn’t make a bad choice, Adriana. Cassie is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Alex quickly defended.

“I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant, Alex. I meant you made a bad choice breaking the rule, that’s all.”

“Well, I don’t care about all of that,” Imelda interrupted.

She had been sitting silently, soaking in all of the information, and I wasn’t sure where she stood on all of this. I was afraid to find out. These three women were the three most important people in Alex’s life. Their opinions mattered to him, and so far, I was the only one on my side.

“I need to know how this all works. That O’Hara man was very adamant that he needed to know information on Cassie, and I wasn’t sure what it was about. I thought maybe she had hurt you, and now I see I might be right.”

What? My eyes just about popped out of my head. What did she mean that I had hurt him? Alex and I had been partners through this ordeal. Neither of us strong armed the other and our relationship was built on mutual, rule breaking, fraternizing grounds. Imelda’s words were the salt in the wound. Guadalupe had cut deep, and Imelda was finishing me off.

“Mama, I am not hurt, and Cassie isn’t to blame for any of this. I met her, I wanted her, and I knew the consequences if we got caught. It was a chance I was willing to take, so I took it, and I wouldn’t change one damn thing about it, not even now.”

“You aren’t physically hurt, Alejandro, but your career is in trouble. And without that, what do you have?” Imelda asked somberly, avoiding my gaze.

“I’ll figure that out, but I have Cassie, and that’s all that matters.”

“Aye, stupido, Alejandro.” Guadalupe chastised. Her wrinkles increased as she scrunched her face out of frustration and anger. She stood, moving so quickly that she almost fell over, then stuck her bony little finger out and pointed in my direction. “This girl will leave you. You are a high Marine for her. She will not stay when you get into trouble.”

“That is not true,” I finally spoke up, done with having my character torn to shreds before my very eyes. “I had no clue who Alex was when I first met him, and I’m being court-martialed just like he is.”

“How did you two meet?” Adriana asked, picking Abel up since he had finally made his way into the living room.

“At a bar in town. Neither of us had any clue who the other was until the next week at work,” Alex answered, seemingly annoyed now.

“So it’s kind of like fate,” Adriana retorted. “I don’t know. I know you guys have these rules and everything, but I think you two should be allowed to be happy.”

“Why are you rushing to get married, Alejandro? If Cassie isn’t pregnant, then why the rush? Why don’t you see what happens with your court-martial?”

“Because, Mama. One, I want to marry her. I love her. And two, I don’t want the Corps separating us. I’ve been pulled from my job as an instructor, so after the court-martial they are going to give me new orders, and I want Cassie with me.”

“Ha! So you have no ring. I see no ring. This is not real marriage, Alejandro. You are marrying this girl for the Marines. You already have one bad marriage, and now you want to get another one. I will not support this,” Guadalupe spoke so quickly that she began choking again. Adriana quickly moved to pat her on the back, then helped her sit down again. “I want you happy, Alejandro, but not like this. Not marrying because you are in trouble.”

Heat flushed over my skin as I debated if I should truly speak my mind, thus disrespecting his grandmother. I didn’t want to cause anymore friction, but I could see that she was not going to let up on me, and I hated being slandered right in front of her. It was worse than any of the bullshit that Alex and I had dealt with over the course of our secretive relationship. And based on the shit thrown at us from Allen, Ruiz, Castillo, and Jensen, this was measuring so much worse.

“With all due respect to you all, none of your fears are true. I didn’t trap Alex. He’s a big boy, and what we have is a mutual thing. We both knew what we had at stake, but went for it anyway, and I don’t apologize for that. I love him, and I won’t sit here and listen to you all drag me through the mud.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed as I spoke. He was probably shocked that I was speaking to his mother and grandmother with so much conviction, but I couldn’t help it. I needed them to know that they had me all wrong, and hopefully, by not backing down and just taking it, they would see that I was to be respected. Quite the opposite happened.

“This girl talk too much, Alejandro. No respect.” Guadalupe stood again and walked over in my direction, but stopped as Alex stepped in her way. “You come in my house. You don’t run your mouth.”

“You’re saying a bunch of shit about me that isn’t true!” I yelled, unable to contain the fire that ignited inside of me. She had successfully pushed me over the edge, and I wasn’t about to hold back any longer. “You claim you want Alex to be happy, but yet you’re doing nothing but making things harder for him. We love each other, why can’t you see that?”

“Alex make bad choices for women! He already divorced once, and it break my heart. I see the same thing when he marry you. You already bring him trouble, and you two are not married yet!” She was yelling, prompting Adriana to take Abel to the back room.

Imelda sat on the couch with tears in her eyes.

“Abuelita, that’s enough,” Alex quipped. He could see the anger from both sides, and his tightened expression and rigid body displayed the discomfort that he was feeling at the moment. “I am marrying Cassie. No questions about it.”

“What about your court case, Alejandro?” Imelda asked through sniffles. My heart hurt for her. She was watching her boy, her knight in shining fucking armor fall from grace, and as ridiculous as I thought it was that they held him in such high regard, I understood it.

“We’ll have the trial, and whatever they find they find, but I’m marrying Cassie this weekend. We are going to be a united front when we face that asshole, O’Hara.”

“You marry this girl and take me away from your life, Alejandro!” Guadalupe shouted, her voice hoarse. “I raise you. I help you become a good man, and now you turn your back on your family.”

“I’m not turning my back on anyone, Abuelita!” Alex shouted back. His normally caramel skin was now a light shade of red as his hazel eyes grew dark in utter frustration. “I’m trying to bring us all onto one side. I love you all, but I also love Cassie, and I’m ready to make her my wife. I wanted you all there to share it with us—”

“I never go to that!” his grandmother shouted, pulling away from him. Her bony finger now made its way into Alex’s face. “She tear you down. You choose her over me. Over tu mama. Over tu hermana. Esta es tu familia. You go to her, and I never know you again, Alejandro.”

I couldn’t breathe. My lungs ached and head hurt. Tears were pricking my eyes, and not because Guadalupe had laid out her disdain for me, but because she was essentially making Alex choose. Any choice he would make was going to rip him in half, and I knew that he was struggling with the decision. I couldn’t blame him. It was either go with his grandmother who had raised him, or the new girl in his life that he was about to throw everything down the drain for. Selfishly, I hoped that he would choose me, but I knew there was a good chance if pressured enough that he would go with his family. That bond ran deep, and what Alex and I had in comparison only scratched the surface.

“Abuelita, that’s not fair,” Adriana said, making her way back to the living room. “Alex loves Cassie. Can’t you see that?”

“I will not see it. He loved Evelyn too and look at that one. I know bad girls when I see them. Alex is losing his career for this one. That’s not good.”

“I’m losing mine too!” I shouted, almost at a piercing level. All eyes quickly swung to me, shock shrouding everyone’s faces. My chest heaved up and down erratically, sending exhales through my nose like a raging bull. I couldn’t believe I had lost it like that, but I had to admit that it felt good.

“I’m just getting started in the Corps, and my career could already be over. You think I’m making out on top while Alex takes all the heat? No! I had an opportunity to get myself away from all of this even after the fact, and I turned down all deals that came to me. I fell in love with your grandson, Guadalupe, and I’m sorry it was under the wrong circumstances, but I’m not sorry for falling. I’d do it over again if I had the chance.”

Adriana came and stood next to me, placing her hand on my shoulder and smiling up at me. I was still breathing heavily, but it felt good to get my feelings out in the open, regardless of how it made anyone else feel.

“Abuelita, you’re upset, but you’ll see Cassie is a really good girl. And no matter what anyone else says, I am going to make her my wife.”

Guadalupe looked up to Alex and smirked, sending a sinister vibe to him that glided over to me. “You go to jail for this girl, Alejandro. And you lose you career all because you are a man and you can’t keep it in you pants. I will not watch this. You marry this girl, and I do not know you. I raise you to be smart and right now you are stupid. I want no more of this.”

The hacking cough she’d had earlier came roaring back. Imelda ran to her mother’s side, holding her as tears fell down her face and onto the floor below. I could see her internal struggle. She was caught between her mother and her son. I wouldn’t have wished this on anyone because as much as it was hurting me, I could see it was destroying her.

“Let’s get you to bed, Mama,” Imelda softly spoke, trying to move her mother. Guadalupe was still coughing, wheezing a bit as well. The sight of her stunned Alex, making him go to her, holding her in his arms as his mom tried to move her out of the living room and to the back.

“You make a choice, Alejandro. But you remember, I do not accept this. I do not accept you if you go to her.”

“Come, Mama,” Imelda prodded, moving her mother along.

Alex, Adriana, and I stood there, flabbergasted by what had just happened. I knew things would be rough, but I had never imagined it would get to this level. I wished we had never come here, and Alex had just given them the scoop over the phone.

“She’ll come around,” Adriana said, trying to soften the mood.

“How can you say that?” I asked. I was done with everyone trying to make it seem as if Guadalupe would magically have a change of heart, giving Alex and me her blessing to be married. The woman hated my guts, and today had cemented that fact.

“She’s just upset, Cassie. When she sleeps on it and see what she’s done to Alex, she’ll backtrack.”

I looked over to Alex who stood there, still red faced but with a single, solitary tear falling down his face. Naïve or not, when it came to the women in his life, he was hurt, and I hated seeing him in pain.

“Alex?”

“What?” he barked, startling me.

“Are you okay?”

“No, Cassie. My grandmother hates me. My mom questions me. All because I fell in love with you. No, I’m not motherfucking okay.”

“You watch your voice, Alejandro Esteban Cruz, and you keep your voice down. Your grandmother is sick and hurting back there.” Imelda said, walking back towards us, her face stern and motherly.

“And that’s my fault?”

“This isn’t about fault. It’s about a very hurt old woman back there who loves you and is scared for you.”

“What can I do to help that? I tried to smooth things over and look at what happened. She blames Cassie for this, and won’t even let me show her that I had a part in it too.”

“I won’t lie. I’m scared for you. You’ve worked so hard for everything you have, and now it’s going to be gone just like that. I like Cassie, but if it comes down to everything you’ve earned or her, I’m afraid that I want you to have your career. You two have only known each other for a short time—”

“Let’s go,” Alex gruffly said, forcefully pulling me out of the living room by my hand.

“Alejandro, where are you going?” Imelda asked, chasing after us.

“I’m getting out of here. I wanted to come here and fill you all in on what was going on, make us into one united family before I face the biggest event of my life on Monday, and you and Abuelita have done nothing but further add to my anxiety. You think I’m not scared about what could happen to me and my career?”

Imelda stood shocked, eyes bulging as her hand lay firmly over her heart. Alex’s admission was news to me as well, but I wasn’t about to say anything.

“I’m scared shitless, but my family turning their backs on me scares me more than anything that the Marine Corps could do to me. This fucking destroys me, and neither of you seem to care.”

“I only want what’s best for you, Alejandro. I have nothing against Cassie, but—”

“There are no buts. I love her. She’s what keeps me going, what makes me whole. I’m fucking giving that up. I was hoping to add to my family, and instead, you guys are pulling away. So be it. I can’t wait around for you to figure it out.”

“Alex, don’t do this!” Adriana yelled. “Everyone is just tense right now.”

“I don’t have time to wait for their shit, Adriana.”

He pulled us out of the house and over to his truck. Tears pooled in his eyes, but he worked hard at containing them, making sure not to allow any to escape down his face. Imelda stood in the walkway, arms folded as her tears fell in droves. Adriana came running to the truck, pleading with Alex not to leave like this, but he wasn’t having any of it. He had been broken by the people who had worked their entire lives to keep him whole—to strengthen him, to make him who he was. I found it a bit ironic that they had made him this strong, conviction holding person, yet when he held to that, they had a problem with it.

My eyes were bloodshot, my head was spinning, and my heart was beating so roughly that I thought it might come loose and break through my chest. I hadn’t seen Alex like this since the night he rescued me from Allen, and even then he wasn’t broken and battered the way he seemed to be now. This was something more, and it stabbed at me with a dull knife, further torturing me as the sight of him pushed that knife deeper and deeper.

“You figure it out, Adriana. I’m done,” I heard Alex say to his sister. She was now in tears and wiping furiously as she continued to plead with him. “We’re getting married tomorrow. I’ll let you know when and where if you want to come.”

“Of course,” she responded, wrapping her brother in her arms. The bond the two of them shared was special, and in the midst of this fucking hurricane, it was the calm that made everything seem as if it was worth it.

Alex hopped into the truck and pulled off, leaving his crying mother and sister, and hysterically angry and sick grandmother in the dust. I couldn’t believe how badly things had gotten, and how I’d had to defend myself when it was never my intent.

Alex’s white knuckled grip held the steering wheel as we drove off onto the freeway that looked to be taking us back to Huntington Beach. Neither of us said anything. We stared blankly out the window, and I occasionally wiped away tears as I looked out, pondering how we would move forward from this.

The air grew milder as we inched closer to the beach. My head was a jumbled mess of thoughts, pictures, and confusion. It seemed easier to be skirting the Corps and hiding than it did to be out in the open. Alex didn’t say a word. He pulled into the stall and sat for a moment, head back against the headrest before looking over to me and taking my hand in his.

“I can’t apologize enough to you, Blondie. I knew they would have a hard time with it, but I never expected it to go there.”

Tears ran down my face as I looked into his eyes, so full of hurt and concern. Our world seemed to be unraveling every which way we turned. Nothing seemed to be working in our favor, and the thought of it all had me sick to the point of wanting to vomit.

“I can’t live my life for anyone but me, and I hate not having my fucking family around for this, but I need to move forward. If they want to step out of my life, they’ll just have to.”

His words sliced me to the core. Alex had the family I wished I’d had growing up. They were encouraging, loving, and supportive, and yet, everything they were, they had turned away from. Alex was making a choice that they were forcing him to make, but that didn’t mean it came lightly. It was a silent killer, and even though he was ready to move forward with me, I could tell a large piece of him was dying inside.

He took my hand and kissed the top as more tears streamed down my face. “What’s the matter, Blondie?” I shook my head, unable to formulate words. “Fucking talk to me, Cassie. I hate watching you hurt. Let me help you.”

“I can’t, Alex… I just can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

I looked up into his eyes, the saddened hazel orbs staring into my soul, willing the words out of me. I felt sick and heartbroken, but I couldn’t go on with jumbled feelings any longer. More tears fell as I tried hard to catch my breath. I was floundering, struggling to survive as I watched the man I loved more than anyone else on this earth stare into my soul.

“What, Cassie? Talk to me, baby.”

“I can’t marry you, Alex. Not right now.”

My words seemed to knock the air out of Alex as they hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in shock by what had left my mouth, and now afraid of what was to come. I had done irrevocable damage to us, but even more so, I knew that I had destroyed Alex. As I looked at him, eyes bulging with tears streaking down his face, I couldn’t stop the floodgates from opening and allowing the tears to race down my own. The hurt filling Alex’s truck was too much to bear, so I jumped out and threw up, watching the splatter hit the ground through my tear streaked eyes.

Chapter 9

Alex

What the fuck had Cassie just said?

I wasn’t sure I’d heard her correctly because my ear drums instantaneously burst with the sound of her words. My heart sank, and vomit seemed to be racing to the top, ready to explode in a violent manner, mirroring Cassie on the other side of the truck. Heat flared up in my chest, and the pain accompanying her words was worse than anything that I’d ever felt before. A savage beast, ripping away at my flesh would have felt better than what I was feeling at the moment. I couldn’t breathe, and my vision went blurry, making me feel sick with disgust and worry.

My grandmother shocked the hell out of me with how vile she had been to Cassie. I didn’t go into that situation thinking she would be okay with what was happening, and I knew she would have some words to say, but never in a million years, no matter how angry she got, did I think she’d lay out an ultimatum for me. Here I was, forced to choose between my family and the girl I loved, and the shit was slowly, tortuously ripping me in half, leaving me bare, naked, and vulnerable.

I forcefully pushed open the truck door and stepped out, propping myself up against the side while my hands hid my face from the sun. Agony soared through me, filling me with combustible pain. I turned around, momentarily losing the ability to control my body, and my fist met the side of the truck, sending throbbing jolts through my hand as I yelled out in menacing frustration, “Fuck!”

This shit felt like a nightmare that just wouldn’t end, and I was struggling to break away from it.

When I finally got my bearings back, I walked around to the other side of the truck to find Cassie hunched over, breathing hard as if she struggled to find air. I couldn’t care that she had just poured the salt into the wounds that felt as if they would be the end of me. She was hurting, and when she hurt, I hurt even more. The sight of her in that state was enough to put the nail in my coffin, and I wasn’t ready for that to happen.

Not yet.

“Cassie,” I mumbled, feeling weak and finding it hard muster up the energy to get the words out.

She cried as she turned her head and looked at me, almost like she was ashamed.

“Cassie, come here,” I said, slowly making my way over to her. I didn’t care what it took. I was going to make things better for her. I needed to see her in any other way than what I was seeing right now because this sight was frightening. The last time I had seen her this broken down was when Allen had attacked her, and I needed to erase that horrifying visual from my mind.

I stooped down and took her face in my hands, staring into a pair of sad, dejected emerald green eyes. Tears streamed down her face as she stared back at me, slowly sucking the life out of me. Cassie’s tears had a way of destroying me, and if they weren’t tears of joy, they didn’t belong on her face.

“Cassie, talk to me. I need you to tell me what is going on with you.”

She just continued to shake her head, so I picked her up, taking her to a cement bench that sat on the edge of where the sand and sidewalk met. I sat her down, then turned her to the left so that we were staring at each other, face to face, blocking out everyone and everything that could serve as a source of distraction.

“Cassie…I thought I just heard you say the words that I hoped would never come out of your mouth.”

She looked at me. Her bloodshot eyes looking painful as she grimaced with the sound of my words. “Alex, how can we possibly get married tomorrow? Look at everything happening around us.”

“Fuck everything happening around us.” I took her chin in my hand and made her stare into my eyes. “We are all that matters.”

“I wish I could agree with you, but that just isn’t true. We are not all that matters. Our jobs matter, our friends matter.” She paused for a minute, turning to look at the waves crash against the shore, then finally turned and looked back at me. “Your family matters.”

I blew out a deep breath, feeling mounds of frustration leave my body with it. I knew this was going to be a problem, but I didn’t think it would drive a wedge between us, and now that it had, I was ready to lay everything out on the line for her.

“Cassiee, when I met you at that bar, I knew there was something special about you. When I saw you in my formation, I knew I would have a hard time staying away from you. When I started my forbidden relationship with you, I knew you were worth the risk. When I marry you, it is going to be for better or for worse, and no one, and I fucking mean no one, is going to come between that. You are all I want, and damn sure all I need. Don’t let anyone take anything we have away from us.”

I’d gotten her attention. The tears slowed as recognition went off in her eyes. I needed her to see that the love I felt for her burned deeply, and walking away from me wasn’t a viable option.

She spoke softly, “Alex, I love you so much. You’re everything that I’ve ever wanted, but what has happened in the last couple of weeks is everything that I never wanted to happen, and now that it has, I harbor a lot of guilt for it.”

“Like what, Cassie? Because I’m pretty sure that I am just as guilty as you are, if not more so.”

“Look at you. You were the stud Marine that everyone looked up to and wanted to emulate. Now you’re the black sheep.” Her eyes wandered a little, no longer making eye contact with me as she laid a very hurtful truth. “You’ve lost friends, whipped up your enemies, and split your family in half. This is weighing heavily on me, and I can’t just sit by and watch all of this happen, knowing that I’m responsible.”

“You are not solely fucking responsible though. I’m a grown fucking man, and I made these choices right along with you—knowing that they wouldn’t be popular and not well liked, but I made them just the same. I can’t own other people’s reaction to us. I can’t worry about how they feel because I only have enough energy to worry about you and I feel.”

“Your grandmother…that had no effect on you seeing her that way? If looks could kill, she would have murdered me and put me six feet under. Your mom would rather you chose a career over me if it came down to it. How in the hell can I marry into that?”

“Because you love me and we are all that should matter to one another!” I yelled. The questions she had were like tiny daggers slowly invading my heart, cutting off blood supply with each one asked.

She shook her head, seemingly at odds with my statement.

“I had such a shitty childhood Alex, remember? I had a drunken pill popping mom, and a dad who walked out on me. I swore to myself that when I finally got away from that shit, things would only get better for me. Your grandmother is the matriarch of your family and is well respected. Your mom is loyal to her, so she is naturally on her side. I’d be marrying into a family where the two most important women in your life want nothing to do with me. One of them unable to even look at me. How is that any better than what I had escaped?”

“They would come around, Cassie.”

“And what if they don’t? I have a sick feeling that your grandmother will never accept me. Ever.”

As much as I didn’t give any credence to what she was saying, she was right, but I couldn’t understand why she was allowing it tear us apart. My grandmother would have to make a choice, and I was sure she would put her differences aside and support the fact that I was happy.

“You are allowing outside forces to dictate our relationship. When the fuck did you start caring about that?”

“When you allowed the biggest outside obstacle to take away our fucking bond!” she shouted. Her words seemed to unleash with pent-up fury and frustration. This was something that she had been holding for a while, and her facial expression gave all of that away.

“What are you talking about?”

“Really, Alex? You’re playing dumb now?”

“I don’t fucking know what you’re talking about, Cassie. I’m not a fucking mind reader. Tell me what you want me to know.”

“Allen!” she spit out with enough venom to make me sick. “Allen has destroyed you. He’s destroyed us. You can’t even fucking touch me without thinking about him. You’ve pulled away from me, and I feel it, Alex. I feel it in my bones. It hurts like a bitter cold, paralyzing me every time you turn away from me because you can’t bear to go to the level that we used to have—because you think that asshole took it away from you. Well, fucking bravo because he has, and you let it happen.”

Her gaze pinned me, struck me in the heart, and left me breathless. There was such malice in her eyes, a look that I had never seen before, and quite honestly, never wanted to see again.

“I don’t know where you’ve gotten that from Cassie, but that shit couldn’t be further from the truth, and you know it,” I forced out through gritted teeth. It was taking everything I had not to explode in the worst way, and regardless of how angry I was, I didn’t want to get to that level with her.

“Do I, Alex? Do I really know that? Because from where I’m sitting, I don’t. What I do know is that every time I try and get intimate with you, it’s like sirens go off, warning you to stay away. How the fuck do you think that makes me feel? It makes me feel like shit, Alex. I feel disgusting. Allen has successfully left his mark and won.”

“So you’ve been feeling this and yet you were still planning to marry me? That makes a hell of a lot of sense, Cassie.”

“Yes, because I thought we could work through it. But now we have a whole set of other problems, and I can’t put myself through all of this shit. I’m dangling on my noose, waiting to see if my career is over. By Monday, I’ll know if I’ll be pushed off the ledge and hung for all to see. I’ve got a fiancé who can’t fuck me, and I’m on the outs with his pissed off family. I’m sure this wouldn’t make for a healthy start to a marriage.”

“I’ve got everything you’ve got and then some,” I countered, hoping to remind her that she wasn’t the only one with dire consequences hanging over her head.

“What does that mean?”

“It means if shit does go south, I’ll take the brunt of the punishment because I am the NCO. Because I’m the superior and I should have known better. It means I am dealing with my own fucked up head, and it kills me that I can’t make love to you. It also means that I just gave my family the middle finger because I chose to follow my fucking heart, yet here I am, watching you rip it out and smash it into a million goddamn pieces.”

My chest heaved up and down as the anger in my voice elevated. I couldn’t help it—the passion that had always been there where Cassie was concerned fueled it, and I wouldn’t tame it. She needed to see that there was so much more that I felt for her. So much that needed an outlet.

“Cassie, I know I have to deal with my Allen shit, and I am getting there, but I haven’t fucked you in a long time. And for you to callously throw it out there like that…it fucking hurts. You don’t fuck people you love. I can’t believe I had to remind you of that.”

“You know what I meant, Alex.”

“No, I don’t. Because I say what I mean, and I mean what I fucking say. I guess not everyone is like that.”

“Alex…”

“What? What, Cassie? I’m willing to do any and everything to make you happy. I’m choosing you over a career that I thought was the key to my existence. I’m choosing you over a family that has been there for me through every fuck up in my life. I’m choosing you. Why the fuck can’t you choose me?”

“Who said I wasn’t choosing you Alex?”

“You did, when you told me you couldn’t marry me.”

She went silent for a second, shaking her head as a tear trickled down her cheek. “Just because I can’t get married right now doesn’t mean I’m not choosing you, Alex.”

“Then what do you call this? What do you call telling the person that you are supposedly in love with that you can’t be their forever? What the fuck do you call this?”

“I call it needing to step back and clear up our shit before we jump into a marriage that is going to take everything we’ve got to make work.”

I could feel my pulse through my neck, painfully throbbing as I felt the end nearing and feeling as if it was taking my reason to live away with it. “What are you saying, Cassie?”

“I’m simply saying that right now is not the time for us to get married.”

“And I’m saying if you can’t marry the person you’re in love with, do you really have a reason to stick around?”

As hard as she tried, she couldn’t hold the tears from falling down her face. I was so hurt, angry, and messed up that I couldn’t think straight. I didn’t know what else to do, and I knew that if I stayed, irreparable damage would ensue. I stood and took a couple of steps toward her, taking her face in my hand.

“I love you with everything I have, Cassie Bennett, but if I’m not the one for you, if I’m not your everything, then I won’t hold you back. I love you enough to let you go because your happiness means everything to me.”

“But I don’t want to let you go, Alex,” she said through tears and sniffles. A light flush of red coated her cheeks, her eyes matching in tone. Her voice was shaky, and seeing and hearing her like this was breaking me. I couldn’t stick around for it much longer.

“Cassie, you don’t love me enough to marry me. We need to take a step back.”

The floodgates opened, and her head dropped. A single tear dropped down my face, burning and stinging the entire way down. I squatted where Cassie sat, taking her hand in mine and kissing the top while pulling her body closer to mine.

“I need to take a walk, then I’ll take you home.”

She looked up, furiously blinking the tears away. I kissed her forehead, then stepped and walked into the sand down by the water, and along the shore. With every step I took, I felt as if I lost a piece of me. I felt like everything we had worked for had been for nothing. I felt empty.

I loved Cassie and wanted to make her my wife, but I also loved her enough to know that letting her go was probably best. The last thing I ever wanted was for her to resent me, and if marrying me when she wasn’t absolutely sure about it was going to make that happen, then the marriage wasn’t going to be.

I walked…

And walked…

And walked…

I walked until the beach ran dry, and when it did, I sat, pissed off at the world with nothing in my power to do about it.

++++

Dropping Cassie off at the barracks was a relief. I made sure to walk her to her room, and even kissed her goodbye, but the distance between us was a necessary evil.

But I didn’t want to let her go.

I wanted to take her home with me, let her see that I wasn’t about to give her away so easily, and smooth everything out between us. I wanted her to see that I was who she needed—that we were what each other needed.

On the other hand, I knew that we had some serious shit to tackle before we could even attempt to move forward. She was hurting just as much as I was, and two hurt people weren’t going to do the other any good. We would only hide our pain in the other, becoming co-dependent and causing an even bigger problem down the road. I loved her more than I could have imagined ever loving someone, but I also cared about her mental well-being, and if she were fucked in the head by everything happening around us, I needed to let her go.

She flung the door open, turning around to tell me goodbye. She wrapped her arms around me, holding on tightly and crying on my shoulder as I held her, gently rubbing her back. I wanted to hold her forever, to make the storm pass so we could be happy again. That savory vanilla scent filled me, making me hold her tighter, knowing that I wouldn’t get my fill of her anymore. Bullets to the heart felt better than the shit that I was feeling at the moment because I knew when I let her go, I was really letting her go.

She slowly pulled back, stopping to stare into my eyes. Tears masked her eyes, and all signs of life seemed to be hidden away with their presence. Without thinking, I acted on impulse and pulled her close, kissing her as if she was my only hope for survival. My tongue filled her mouth, wrestling with hers, moving up and down, swirling around, trying to take in this delectable girl that I was letting go. I never wanted that kiss to end. I held her close after the kiss ended, keeping my lips glued to hers. Feeling her was a connection that I needed, and I knew giving that up was going to damn near murder me.

“I’ve got to go,” I whispered, feeling no conviction in my own words.

She nodded her head, then leaned in and kissed me again, this time dominating me. When she pulled away, she didn’t say a word. She simply grabbed her bag and walked into her room, shutting the door behind her. I stood staring at it for another minute or so, hoping she would open it up and run into my arms, allowing the bullshit from earlier to pass like a thief in the night, but that didn’t happen. I quickly stormed off, needing to put an end to this dreadful feeling.

When I pulled into my driveway, Riley’s truck was sitting there. He was another sore spot for me, and I had no desire to deal with him tonight, especially after he’d turned his back on me. Riley turning away hurt as much as my grandmother. He had emerged as my most trusted friend and confidant, and now he was practically a fucking stranger in my house.

I opened the door and strolled in, wanting to take a shower and go to sleep, forgetting that this fucking day had ever happened. The blue glow of the TV shined on the darkened room, the volume probably as high as it would go. I shut the door and walked into the kitchen, but the sounds coming from the living room pulled me in another direction. I peered over the couch, finding an ass naked Riley being straddled by an equally naked Nat as she rode him and he lay lost in euphoria, eyes shut, biting his lip, holding firm to her ass. Her eyes were closed as her hands fisted through her hair.

The sight of them pissed me off. Partly because me and Cassie were on the outs, but also because they were on my motherfucking couch getting it on as if they owned the damn place.

“What the fuck?” I shouted, startling them. Riley grabbed hold of Nat and tried to shield her body away from me, but it was too late—I had seen every inch of his chick.

Riley’s eyes bugged out. Shock and embarrassment seemed to be filling him from head to toe, and Nat held her face down on his chest, never looking up to me.

“Hey, man, what are you doing back? I thought you and Cassie would be staying down there tonight.”

“No, I’m home, and I’d appreciate it if you’d fuck somewhere else. The couch just doesn’t seem like the best fucking place for it,” I gruffly answered, full of annoyance. “I’m going to take a shower. Scrub my shit and finish in your room.”

With that, I angrily took off for my room, slamming the door behind me. Riley fucking Nat on the couch probably wouldn’t have irked me so badly had I not just lost my fucking life, but I had. And seeing two people getting off who were also irritating me was like nails on a chalkboard.

I hastily removed my clothes, then turned the shower water to almost scalding. Letting the water run over my head and down my face, I thought back to everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

Cassie was right. I had allowed Allen to take away from our relationship, and for that I felt like a supreme asshole who didn’t deserve to be happy. She had told me that he hadn’t stuck his shit in her, just his fingers, but even that was enough to make my fucking mind play tricks on me. The mere fact that the fucker was still breathing was another issue for me. If Riley had let me, I would have ended his miserable existence in that barracks room the night he decided to attack Cassie and forever change me and her as we knew it.

Now things had been set back to a place I had no clue how to move on from. My heart was still very much with Cassie, but I couldn’t be with her if she wasn’t one hundred percent with me. It seemed there was a part of both of us that was missing. We had somehow lost our footing, lost our way. I would do anything to find it, to set the path straight, but that was easier said than done.

We would need time.

Time to heal.

Time to deal with the numerous anomalies circling us, choking the life out of us.

We just needed time.

Would Cassie and I need a few days… a few weeks… a few months? I couldn’t reassure myself on anything at the moment, and that plucked my nerves as well. The thought of spending the night without her was killing me. To make myself think or even believe that I would go months without her, on the outs, was a death wish. I had to find a way to either get her back, or move along. The latter just didn’t seem likely. I couldn’t fathom going that long without her, but I also couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, and that was the daunting and depressing part of all of this.

I got out of the shower and threw on a pair of shorts, then lay down on my bed, the ceiling fan circling above me as I tried to read a magazine—anything to take my mind off of the endless clatter roving about in my head. Before I’d even gotten two pages into my article, there a knock on the door, and Riley walked through.

“Hey, man, you got a minute?”

I looked up from my magazine, still pissed as fuck at him. “You done fucking? Did you get off?”

“Are you really asking me that?”

“Were you fucking your chick on my couch?”

He shook his head and walked further into the room. I made no move to welcome him in, but he didn’t take notice, instead stopping a few feet from my bed and leaning up against the wall.

“Hey, man, I’m really sorry you walked in on that. I thought you and Cassie would be gone for the night.”

“Yeah, well, we aren’t. And I’d appreciate it if your ass, your dick, and any other parts of your naked body didn’t make their way on the couch where we sit and watch TV.”

“Dude, I was coming to apologize, but I see that won’t do much to help your shitty ass mood. What happened between you and Cassie?”

I looked up to him with narrowed eyes. Did he really care? Or was he asking because he was fucking nosy?

“Alex—”

“Nothing, Riley! Nothing happened.”

“Alex, fuck off. I can tell something happened. You’re an extra level of asshole tonight, and something’s got you pissed, so spill.”

“It’s none of your fucking business. Don’t you have an extra-sensitive chick out there to tend to?”

“Hey, don’t bring Nat into your shit!”

“She’s already in it, Riley. Because she runs her mouth like a fucking fountain. Because she’s scared of me and my reaction to it. I didn’t bring her into anything. She brought herself into it.”

“You brought everyone who is involved in your mess into it. You took that risk. You left the gates open to all of this shit saddling you. All we ever did was try and support you. Nat obviously isn’t your fucking problem, so either tell me what happened or don’t, but she is off fucking limits, you got that? Off fucking limits.”

We stared at one another, seething with anger and frustration. I couldn’t go on like this. I couldn’t lash out at everyone that wasn’t Cassie, or I was going to have a hard time doing what I needed to do in order to move forward. Finally, I sighed, feeling my sanity creep back in and calm me down.

“Cassie and I didn’t get married, and it looks as if we’re on a break.”

Riley’s stoic demeanor softened, allowing his shoulders to fall as he ran his hand over his head. “Fuck, man. I’m really sorry to hear that. What happened? Not because of us, I hope.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “No…well, I’m sure it played into it, but bigger shit killed our plans. Starting with my grandma.”

“Guadalupe? What happened with her?”

I went on to tell Riley exactly what’d happened when I took Cassie to Santa Ana, giving him a rundown, but leaving out the most jarring, hurtful shit that was said by not only my grandma, but by my mom as well. I filled him in on Cassie’s butchering words, and our subsequent breakdown at the beach. He stood in shock, unable to move, speak, or even blink.

“Yeah, so that’s that, and imagine my shock when I walked through my door and caught you and your girl going to town on my couch.”

He shook his head and wiped his face, holding embarrassment back. “I’m fucking sorry about that, man. We got caught up and—”

“Yeah, I know. Whatever. That’s not even my fucking concern right now. My main concern is getting the love of my life back. I just have no clue how to do it.”

“Well, first you have to get through this court-martial. Have you forgotten about that?”

“No! I just don’t give two shits about it. Everyone knows what Cassie and I did. This case is probably a slam dunk. I’ll take my punishment, and I don’t care about that, but I need to get Cassie back. Her walking away is the ultimate fucking punishment.”

“Alex…didn’t you say you walked away?”

“How the fuck can I stay with her when she looks me in the eye and says she can’t be it for me? What if Nat said that shit to you? I don’t even know if you two are on that level, but if you are, and she told you that, how would you react? And anyway, I wanted to request orders for us, get us out of Twentynine, on to bigger and better things. A fresh start. But Cassie didn’t want them. With all of the bullshit swirling around here, she wanted to stay.”

“Why?”

“Dalton.”

“Dalton?”

“Yes, he’s her best friend, and she didn’t want to leave him. So that right there tells me that I wasn’t her number one. I would have thought that she would see shit my way, and that getting orders somewhere else where people didn’t know us or our situation would have been good for us. But no, she wanted to stay because she didn’t want to leave her best friend. All of this shit stings, man. It fucking stings.”

“I think you’re looking a little too far into it. I know Cassie loves you, Alex. She’s just lost, hurt, and doesn’t really know how to deal. Hell, she’s a goddamn Pfc. for crying out loud, with the weight of the world sitting on her shoulders right now. If she didn’t love you, she would have pinned you and walked free, but she didn’t. Don’t be so hard on her or yourself. I’m pretty sure you’ll both make it through this.”

Riley was saying everything I wanted and needed to hear, but that didn’t mean I believed it. I had retreated into the pessimistic, doubtful Alex, who questioned everything and hardly believed anything else. Cassie had fucked me. My mind was hers for the taking, and she’d taken it, screwed with it, and left me reeling. I had no clue how to fix it, or even where to begin. I knew I wanted her, but I wasn’t so sure that having her was good for me right now. It was going to take a lot to fix all of this, and at the moment, I wasn’t so sure that I had it in me to tackle that head on.

“Hey, for what it’s worth, I know you love the hell out of that girl, and I know you won’t just give her up without a fight.”

“Yeah well, sometimes fighting doesn’t fix your problems.”

I laid down, picked up my magazine and went back to reading. I felt defeated and empty, lonely and dejected. I didn’t feel like me. It was tearing me apart to feel so many emotions all at once—like I had morphed into a little bitch. I couldn’t allow myself to remain this person for long.

“Fighting solves everything, Alex. We’re Marines, first to fight. You’ll sleep this shit off, kick that court hearing’s ass, then fight like you know how in order to get your fucking girl back. You’re a warrior, a fucking Devil Dog, and I’m going to be right there, by your side, locked and loaded, helping you win this fucking battle. Now take your ass to sleep. I don’t need to see this side of you anymore.” With those words, Riley walked out of the room, leaving me alone.

He was right.

I was a goddamn Marine, primed for battle. There was no way I was about to let Cassie go this easily, and even though stepping back and getting some clarity was necessary, fighting through the trenches would make getting her back that much sweeter. Victory would never feel so good.

I went to bed that night with a heavy heart and an eager mind. Riley gave me the starting point that I couldn’t see. Now it was time to carry through with my plan.

Chapter 10

Cassie

Dalton and I laid out by the pool, soaking in some rays after he’d peeled my near lifeless body from my bed. Sleep never really came to me the night before, not after Alex pretty much ended us. How he couldn’t see that jumping into a marriage with everything we had stacked against us was a bad idea was the biggest mystery to me. Marriage was hard work anyway. Throw in an angry, unsupportive family, broken friendships, and monumental punishments for our misdeeds, and we were whipping up the perfect recipe for disaster.

How could he not see it?

Or was I missing something? Was our love supposed to conquer all? Were all of these just small nuances on the road to happiness?

I didn’t have the answers to those questions, and the more time I spent thinking about them, the sicker I became. How could I have been so blind to the fact that coming out of our proverbial closet would be harder than hiding in it? Maybe I was blinded by our lust, then quickly consumed by the depth of our love for one another.

Whatever the case, Alex’s words struck an unsettling blow that knocked me off my feet, gasping for air.

“Cassie, you’ve barely spoken two words since I pried you out of that room,” Dalton said, looking forlornly at me. I hated his overly sympathetic eyes staring down on me. Every time he looked at me that way, I felt like a small piece of me crumbled inside.

“You got me out of the room. That’s enough, right?”

“No, actually it isn’t. What’s the point of a best friend if you can’t confide in me?”

I looked up at him through my sunglasses, feeling the warmth and sincerity of his words, but wanting none of it. I hadn’t felt so low in quite a while. Not even Allen had brought me down so far.

“Cassie…”

“Okay, okay. If you absolutely must know, I’m going to court tomorrow on the outs with Alex.”

“So you guys had a fight?”

“I guess you can say that.”

Dalton sat up. “Cassie, I’m no dumbass. There was more than a fight, and this has nothing to do with your court case. If you can’t talk to me, who can you talk to?” He paused and stared at me for a second. “You have to talk. You have to get this out in the open because it’s eating you alive.”

“Alex broke up with me,” I blurted out, not wanting to feel the power in those words. Dalton looked on dumbfounded, like he hadn’t heard me correctly. “He broke up with me yesterday after I told him I couldn’t marry him.”

“What? Wait… why did you do that? How did this happen?”

I shook my head, feeling the burning sensation from the threatening tears welling up in my eyes. I was done with crying, and I didn’t want go back down that route. It had taken too much out of me, too much that I was never going to get back.

After a minute of gaining my composure, I was finally able to speak. I told him about our intimacy issues—about Nat and Riley, his family, and our explosive falling out at the beach. At the end of the tale, Dalton scooted over closer to me, taking me in his arms as I allowed my best friend to be my best friend. I allowed him hold me, to comfort me, to make me see that I wasn’t alone in all of this. It was needed, and I was done fighting it.

“I’m so sorry, Cassie. You should have called me. I would have gone to get you. I picked my car up yesterday, so I could have jetted right down there to go and get you.”

“I know, but you had plans.”

“They would have been dropped for you. No wonder you’re such a broken mess. How the hell did you make it home last night?”

“I’m not sure how I made it home. The first part of our drive, Alex stewed in silent anger. He didn’t say anything to me. He didn’t even look at me. But after that, he started talking, started asking questions, and shit just went from there.”

“What did he say? I’m so sorry for having you relive this, but I honestly want to know. I need to know if there is a way to fix any of this. And how I can help you?”

I smiled. Dalton was my right hand. He genuinely loved me and wanted what was best for me, but I saw no way that he could help. Alex and I were at a point where the only thing that could help us was a miracle and Dalton just didn’t possess those powers.

“He wanted to know how long I had been feeling this way, and why I hadn’t spoken up about it before everything came to a head. I told him it had been slowly building since I’d left the hospital. Alex not being able to look past the ugly that Allen had inflicted on me was tearing me up. How was I any good to him if he continued to allow that to be a road block for us?”

Dalton sat stoic, taking in every word. He pursed his lips a couple of times, and shook his head as he did.

“Then he went on to speak about his family. How he wanted to put distance there.” I paused and stared into Dalton’s icy blue eyes. “You know what kind of shitty home-life I came from. Family is all I’ve ever wanted. I couldn’t believe what happened in that living room, and I knew it was all my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Cassie. It sounds like his grandma had it out for you from the very beginning.”

“She was suspicious, yes, but that was before she got to know me.”

“She still doesn’t know you.”

“And she never will. She doesn’t want anything to do with him as long as I’m in the picture. You think she’ll magically warm up to me?”

“Cassie, I don’t have the answers to this problem. Hell, I’ve got my own issues. But I know you love him, and I know he loves you. I think after everything you two have been through, you guys deserve to work this out and be happy.”

Truer words were never spoken, but being happy came with a hefty price tag for us. At this point, I wasn’t even sure if Alex was willing to try.

“Dalton, you have to listen to me and promise not to fly off the hinges.”

“Do I ever?”

“Just promise.”

“Shoot.”

I blew out a gallon sized ball of air, clearing the way for what was the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and devastating thing that Alex had ever said to me. “He told me, and I quote, Cassie, if I can’t have you, all of you, then I can’t have any of you. I’ve never loved anyone more than the way I love you, and it’s that love that won’t allow me to be with you. It hurts looking at you, it hurts touching you, its hurts smelling you. It just hurts. And for my own sanity, I can’t live with this hurt.”

Tears slowly trickled from my eyes again, prompting Dalton to take me in his arms. He rubbed the back of my head as we sat at the edge of the pool, and I cried as he shushed me, making me feel something besides hurt, anger and despair.

“Cassie, he loves you. He’s hurting, and he’s a prideful son of a bitch. His pride is in the way. Give him time.”

“I don’t know if I can, Dalton.”

“How did he leave you last night?”

“He walked me up to my room…” I paused for a second, reliving the kiss that made me feel alive and distraught at the same time. “He kissed me as if it were the last air he would ever breathe.”

A smile took over Dalton’s face. His pearly whites were on full display, shining brighter than the scorching desert sun.

“What are you smiling for?”

“Because you’re so blind to the fact that this isn’t over. You two mules love one another so much that it’s blinding your better judgment. First you deal with court, then you work on putting your fragile relationship back together.”

The smile that crept across my face was the first that had appeared in what felt like days. I hugged Dalton with everything I had, finally feeling as if a bit of life had sparked inside of me. I wasn’t sure how I had gotten so lucky to have him in my life, but right now, I was beyond thankful.

“Let’s go. We’re going to be red as lobsters if we stay out here too much longer.”

Nodding my head, I stood and walked over to the lounge chair to grab my towel, only there was a male sitting there, hindering my ability to pull it away. He had a devilish grin on his face, his eyes full of deceit as he sat there and staring at me as if he were a wolf ready to eat its unsuspecting prey. I tried to ignore him and go for my towel, but he held it down, biting onto his bottom lip before finally speaking.

“Pfc. Bennett, I presume?”

I took a deeper look, trying to figure out if I knew him or not. Nothing was ringing a bell, and if we weren’t at a public pool, I would have feared for my safety.

“That’s my towel you’re sitting on,” I casually responded, not trying to confirm anything for him. I looked around, but it seemed Dalton had ducked into the men’s room. I was on my own.

“Oh is this your towel? I’m sorry about that, here you go,” he said, raising it up for me. When I grabbed for it, he pulled it back, smiling again. “Seems like you’re having a rough day. It’s not every day a pretty girl cries in her boyfriend’s arms at the base pool. You’re much too cute for that…need me to kick his ass?.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, and I don’t know you, so I don’t need you to do anything for me besides let go of my towel.”

I went to grab for it again, and he let it go, allowing it to fall to the ground.

“I know who you are, and I know who your boyfriend is. Alex should probably watch out because it doesn’t seem as if you’re keeping up your end of the bargain in this relationship, and all of this fraternizing would have been for nothing.”

I glowered at him. Then it finally hit me, this was that asshole, Vernon.

“Good luck in court tomorrow, Pfc. Bennett. You’ll need it.” He stood and walked away.

Dalton came out of the bathroom freshly showered with a smile on his face. The myriad of emotions coursing through me at the moment were just too much to take. I plastered on a fake smile and walked out with him, wanting this weekend to be over with finally.

++++

My nerves were shot the next morning. My shower was much too long, it took me a good twenty minutes to make my hair behave, and every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I’d find something wrong with my uniform. To date, I had spent less than six months in the Marine Corps, and I was about to face a pre-trial hearing, something that most Marines wouldn’t see in twenty years of service.

Alex came to mind, and I wondered how he was doing with all of this. I hadn’t heard from him since the night he dropped me off and walked away. So many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call him, but I stopped myself. If a break from me was what he needed, then I would respect his wishes.

When I could no longer stand it, I grabbed my cover and walked out the door and down to Captain Hedlund’s office. I hoped that I’d left with enough time to get to Hedlund first; I wanted to speak to him without Alex present. Having Alex around, even the mere thought of it sent my stomach into a fit of convulsions.

I could smell the aroma leaving the chow hall as I walked by with every swing of the door, but I had no interest in going in. I was wound too tightly, and the smell did nothing but further agitate my already shocked insides.

Alex’s truck was nowhere to be seen as I turned the corner for the base legal office. I took notice of all of the staff in the office wearing my same uniform—Service Alphas. The green pants creased to perfection, khaki shirt fitted with a matching tie, and the green coat with rank insignia and service hashmarks covered in service ribbons situated over the left breast. Everyone looked very business-like.

Court day—the day to seal my fate.

I self-consciously tugged at my coat, feeling like something was wrong with my uniform because as much time as I had given myself this morning, it still didn’t seem like enough.

“Pfc. Bennett, you’re a little early,” Lance Corporal Nelson spoke, jarring me away from my shot nerves.

“Oh, I know. I was hoping to speak to Captain Hedlund before we head off for court.”

“Let me see if he’s available to take you. Go ahead and sign in, then take a seat.”

I did as instructed, holding my cover in my hand like it was the last inch of life left in me. Lance Corporal Nelson came back, instructing me to follow her back. She knocked on the door, then gently opened it, motioning for me to make my way in. Captain Hedlund was knee deep in paperwork, but stopped what he was doing when I walked in, giving me a firm handshake before taking his seat.

“Lance Corporal Nelson, the files we’ll need for court have a few additional documents that need printing. Everything is in your email.”

“Yes, sir.” She turned and walked away.

“Captain Hedlund, Alex and I did not get married this weekend.” He sat in his chair, looking relieved and shocked at the same time. “In fact, we aren’t together anymore. I thought you might want to know about this before we go into court this morning.”

“I won’t lie, Pfc. Bennett, I wasn’t thrilled about you two running off to get married, but I have to say that I’m shocked that you didn’t.”

“I think we all are, sir.”

“Are there any extenuating circumstances that I should know about? Anything that might affect the outcome of this case.”

“No, sir. Just personal differences, that’s all.”

“Okay. Well, thank you for letting me know. I need to get with Lance Corporal Nelson and make sure that everything is set to go. Have you had chow?”

“No, sir. My stomach is in knots, so no room for chow.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you back here at zero seven-thirty. Relax. I am going to do everything in my power to help you.”

“Thank you, sir.”

I strode out of his office, feeling much better than I had when I’d initially walked in. I walked out of the base legal office feeling like the day didn’t have insurmountable task standing in front of me. Just as I turned the corner to sit in the foyer, I heard the roar of Alex’s Ram, and watched him as he parked, making eye contact with me the entire time. The same Alex that I had come to know the first day in formation was present—emotionless, moving with a purpose, and impersonal. That much hurt, but when he walked in my direction, my heart lifted just a bit.

“What are you doing here so early?” he asked, studying my face.

“I guess I could ask you the same thing, but if you must know, I came to speak to Captain Hedlund.”

“About what?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

I exhaled harshly. I was sure this wasn’t going to go over well. “I needed to tell him about us…our standing in case he needed to know it for court.”

Alex wiped his face, breathing hard as well. “I was coming to do the same thing. He must be happy. Enjoying someone else’s misery.”

“Alex, it wasn’t like that at all. He’s a professional. He thanked me for letting him know, then went back to work. That was it.”

His demeanor changed, and the stocky bulldog faded away as the relaxed Alex I had come to know and love emerged before me. “Have you eaten? Let’s get some chow.”

“No, I can’t eat. My stomach is in knots. I just want time by myself to take this all in before we have to go and learn our fate.”

“All right, I’ll see you in a bit.” He stalked off to his truck, looking every bit as impeccable as I would have expected him to. He opened the door but stopped and yelled out, “You look great, Blondie,” before hopping inside and pulling off.

Alex using my nickname was a term of endearment. It hurt, and it healed. I was on a roller coaster again, and this time, one way or another, I wanted off.

++++

The courtroom had an eerie feel to it—cold and sterile with concrete walls and old wooden floors. If they’d wanted full intimidation for the defendants in this space, they had done a mighty fine job of accomplishing their goal. From the second Captain Hedlund and Lance Corporal Nelson marched Alex and I into the building, my shot nerves disintegrated. The magnitude of what we were facing had somehow been minimized in my mind because from where I was standing, this was larger than anything I could have even begun to comprehend.

The military police situated in the corner were the unwanted reminder that Alex and I could very well be led out of here today in handcuffs, awaiting transport to the brig. Once again, my stomach knotted, and my head began to spin. I was lost in my own hell, and it was about to rear its ugly head in the name of First Sergeant O’Hara.

I didn’t see O’Hara until shortly before zero eight-thirty. He walked in with Major Godinez, looking like the snarl-faced bulldog that he was. Those beady eyes of his had a way of searing my soul, making me feel less than. Probably because that was how I saw myself at the moment.

Captain Hedlund walked over and shook both of their hands—always the consummate professional. He spoke briefly, then turned and headed back toward our table. I sat with my hands in my lap, sweat coating my brow as I found it hard to slow my heartbeat.

When I looked over to Alex, I was shocked to find him engaged in conversation with Lance Corporal Nelson, smiling every so often and looking like he wasn’t fazed by what was happening in the least bit. A piece of me envied his easy going demeanor while another part of me hated him for it. I was sweating bullets, thinking about how I would fare in prison while he was probably planning his next night out. My irrational hatred was beginning to get the best of me, so I turned around and stared off into the distance, hoping time would pass so we could get this over with.

“All rise”, the young looking Sergeant called out. “The Honorable Colonel Thompson presiding.”

When Colonel Thompson walked into the courtroom and took his seat at the bench, my heart sank. This shit had become real. My lips dried, but repeated licks and sucks did nothing to help the overwhelming feel. Colonel Thompson may as well have held an anchor tied around my feet, and at any second he would let go, sending me barreling down to depths unknown to suffer through my own inexplicable death. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer.

“You may be seated,” Colonel Thompson barked.

The Sergeant spoke again. “This is the case of United States Marine Corps versus Sergeant Alejandro Cruz and Private First Class Cassie Bennett.”

“Major Godinez, you may present your argument.”

Major Godinez stood and walked to the center of the room, looking charismatic and confident. He had a nice appeal to him, even if he were trying to take everything away from me.

“Your honor, this is a very simple, open and shut case. Sergeant Alejandro Cruz and Private First Class Bennett embarked on an affair that violates the Marine Corps manual section eleven hundred point four that strictly and expressly prohibits the act of fraternization. Sergeant Cruz was Private First Class Bennett’s Comm school instructor. Undue bias was given to Private First Class Bennett, thus destroying the morale of the class.”

“You are in a court of law, Major. Be sure you have proper legal authority to assert your accusations.”

“Yes, sir, I fully intend to lay them out for you.”

“Proceed.”

Major Godinez went to his side of the room and grabbed a folder from the table, sifting through the papers inside. Captain Hedlund pulled out the same folder, quietly and meticulously following along with everything that Major Godinez elaborated on.

“Your honor, as a Staff Sergeant-select, Sergeant Cruz knew full well that his affair with Private First Class Bennett was not only against the rules but that it could potentially cause him to lose his selection, rank, instructorship, as well as serve brig time. He abused his power, both in the classroom and out, taking Private First Class Bennett from the barracks, off base, and doctoring documents to cover his tracks. He is a predator of the greatest nature, and there is no telling how many other female Marines he has exercised his power and influence over. Today, I ask that you please put a stop to his menacing behavior once and for all.”

Hearing Major Godinez speak about Alex in such adulterous, licentious ways caused my breath to hitch. He was none of those things, and if they had only known how much he had fought with himself to bypass me and keep going, they would know that this wasn’t patterned behavior for him. He was a good guy and an upstanding Marine. They knew nothing except what First Sergeant O’Hara had told them.

“Major Godinez, how do you plan to prove these accusations? Fraternization carries a lofty consequence, especially at the magnitude that you are describing.”

“Yes, it does, sir. And I would like to present to you signed affidavits from fellow instructors, Comm School staff, and students.”

The Sergeant briskly walked over and took the documents from Major Godinez. I had no idea they had gotten that many people to speak out against us, and now my heart was racing faster than my breaths could keep up with. The perspiration was covering me, head and hands, in between my legs and under my arms as well. I swallowed hard as Colonel Thompson looked through them, showing no expression and giving nothing away about the contents of each page.

“Furthermore, sir, I present the text message exchanges between Sergeant Cruz and Private First Class Bennett, to include photographs.”

The Sergeant walked over and took those pieces of evidence. More than anything else, that felt like the last straw. That would be the piece that would seal the deal, strip me of what little rank I held, and lock me away until they strapped a dishonorable discharge around my neck and sent me on my way. That thought paralyzed me. As hard as I had worked to move on and make something of myself, I was destined to be exactly what my mother had said I would be—a nothing. A nobody.

“Objection, your honor—”

“You will have your chance at rebuttal, Captain Hedlund,” Colonel Thompson reprimanded.

I looked over to Alex who had his eyes trained on Major Godinez, looking as if he wanted to punch him in the face and stomp him into the ground. I had seen that look before, and when Alex got it, nothing good came from it. Nothing at all.

“Your honor, a pair of Sergeant Cruz’s dog tags were found in the wall locker of Private First Class Bennett.”

The Sergeant walked over and took the zip lock bag containing Alex’s coveted dog tags. Alex twisted his head, cracking his neck as his moist, deliciously plump lips puckered into an angry pout. Captain Hedlund was given notes from Lance Corporal Nelson, something highlighted in yellow, pointing out something that put a gentle smile on his face. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but if it were a sign that we could be spared in some way, I couldn’t wait until he was able to speak.

“And finally, your honor, I have First Sergeant O’Hara’s sworn statement accompanied by a signed statement of understanding from Sergeant Cruz himself. He stood in the office of First Sergeant O’Hara and admitted to the charges against him.”

The Sergeant, once again, took the evidence and marched it over to Colonel Thompson, who looked it over, then looked back to Major Godinez.

“Is this everything, Major?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Um, your honor,” First Sergeant O’Hara called out, skidding his chair back and standing up. Major Godinez grabbed his shoulder and motioned for him to sit back down. He listened, shutting his mouth and taking his seat without so much as a peep. They exchanged a hushed but heated exchange as First Sergeant O’Hara pointed out something in a notebook and Major Godinez brushed it off.

I was thankful that they were done presenting evidence because from where I was sitting, I was drowning in my own shit, and there wasn’t any help in sight.

“Captain Hedlund, you may now present your argument,” Colonel Thompson commanded.

Captain Hedlund stood, taking a notebook from Lance Corporal Nelson and addressing the court.

“Good morning, Colonel Thompson. Major Godinez would lead you to believe that this is an open and shut case, given the evidence that he has presented in court today. Unfortunately, we have something called protocol that must take place when charging a Marine with a crime, and that protocol was bypassed.”

My ears perked up at the mention of protocol and things not going accordingly.

“Those sworn statements are he say she say and should be inadmissible in court. We have an innocent until proven guilty stance here, and my clients were guilty in the eyes of First Sergeant O’Hara and Major Godinez before they were given proper counsel.”

“I’m glad you have such strong conviction, Captain, but that is not evidence,” Colonel Thompson badgered.

Captain Hedlund raised a finger, then strutted further into the middle of the room.

“Case in point, Private First Class Bennett was attacked by a Private Allen in her barracks room on a Friday evening. Luckily, Sergeant Cruz was in the barracks and received word from the firewatch that there was an attack in progress. He rushed to the scene of the crime and was able to fend off Private Allen, saving Private First Class Bennett from an uncertain, but potentially fatal fate. The relationship in question stems from that incident.”

Potentially fatal fate…

I had never allowed my mind to wander to what could have happened to me had Allen not been stopped. He was much larger than myself, and was hell bent on destroying me—what that meant, I had no clue. Tears threatened to spill as I listened to Captain Hedlund speak.

Alex snuck a peek over at me as I gently wiped at my eyes. His face softened, and his eyes glistened as he took me in. The sordid tale of Allen—his abominable, animalistic behavior—and me was too much for both of us to take. It made sense. Whenever Alex heard of these events, he regressed back into someone unknown. He turned into a person who was incapable of dealing with the stresses of the situation, and now was no exception.

“I would like to add, your honor, that while my client, Private First Class Bennett, was lying in a hospital bed, struggling to recover from the attack, Sergeant Cruz, her instructor who had saved her, was led out by his Chief Instructor and Company Gunnery Sergeant and placed on barracks restriction without ever being charged with a crime, or read his rights. This is not the way we conduct lawful business in the Marine Corps. My client’s rights were violated, and it took me fighting the command to have him removed.”

O’Hara was squirming in his seat now, and Major Godinez looked less confident.

“While my client was placed on barracks restriction, his phone was confiscated, leaving him with no means of communication, and he had yet to be provided with counsel. The information removed from that phone is inadmissible in court.”

“We did obtain proper authority for the evidence we have presented in court, your honor,” Major Godinez challenged.

“That authority was granted after the fact, your honor. Anything taken prior to the given authority is an abuse of my clients’ right to privacy.”

“Surely, your honor, the severity of this crime, the given evidence, and the sworn eye witness statements warrants a further look.”

“We have to remain diligent and follow protocol, your honor.”

Colonel Thompson held up his hand, silencing both counsels. He was deep in thought, looking over the evidence presented, taking in the notes on what Captain Hedlund had countered with, then finally looked down to us on the floor and began speaking again.

“If there is no further evidence, I would like to take this back to my chambers to look it over before making a decision to carry on with the court-martial or dismiss all charges. Court will reconvene in thirty minutes.”

“All rise,” the Sergeant barked.

The next sound I heard was the pound of the gavel striking the wood block as the Colonel stood and walked out of the courtroom. Captain Hedlund looked cool and collected while Alex sat with an unreadable expression on his face. It wasn’t often that I couldn’t find a trace of emotion on his face, whether it is anger, lust, admiration, or a wicked combination of all three. He sat frozen, dazing off into space, probably feeling the same way that I was.

Lance Corporal Nelson opened a folder and showed the contents to Alex, lowly mumbling something to him as he finally allowed a faint smile to grace his beautiful face. Whatever was there had me intrigued, but I was stuck, frozen in my seat, afraid to move for fear that movement would seal my dreaded fate.

Captain Hedlund excused himself, and Lance Corporal Nelson followed closely behind him, leaving Alex and me sitting there alone, sitting in a pot of our own mess, barely on speaking terms and hoping for the best outcome for one another. I wanted so badly to touch him, to wrap my arms around him and kiss him with every ounce of passion inside of me. I wanted to be Alex and Cassie once again.

“Hey, Blondie…you okay?” he asked, that deep, husky voice breaking me from my thoughts.

“Yeah,” I breathed, hoping and praying that my lust wasn’t plastered all over my face.

A wry smile fixed on Alex’s lips, indicating that he could probably tell something was up with me, and it had nothing to do with the court proceedings. The cockiness he carried by nature couldn’t be stifled—not even in a courtroom where at any moment, a judge would walk through those doors and seal our fate. Alex didn’t seem to care. He was a walking enigma, keeping those around him on their toes, guessing what he would do next.

“Don’t sweat this shit. Regardless of what happens, I think Captain Hedlund has argued a good counter and those assholes are shaking.”

“Alex, knock it off. We’re as good as done. They have so much shit that it’s easy for a blind man to see that we’re guilty. Even if we don’t get the max, we have something coming our way, and that alone should have you worried.”

He turned in his chair, facing me head on as his entrancing golden eyes poured into mine. “It’s so funny how not too long ago, all of this was worth it. Now, it’s like the biggest mistake you’ve ever made. Well, I’ll tell you what, Blondie, you’re my favorite fucking mistake. And punished or not, I’m never going to regret what we did or what we had. You shouldn’t either.”

He turned back around in his seat, pulled out his cell phone and began typing away. Alex Cruz, for everything that we were embroiled in, still had a way with words. His words played on my ears like soft notes from melodic piano keys.

His favorite mistake?

If that were the case, why had he pulled the plug on us? Why couldn’t he continue on with our relationship and work things out the way any normal functioning couple would? Suddenly, the answer to that question came barreling towards me with enough force to knock me off my feet. Alex and I were not, nor would we ever be a normal couple. There was something absolutely intriguing, inexplicable, and downright consuming about the way we fell in love and how hard we had fallen. It wasn’t normal, nor was it right, but it was what it was, and I knew that nothing from here on out could or would be conventional with us.

Now I just had to make it through the next ten minutes or so, find out my fate, and see if there were anything left to salvage of our fractured love. I didn’t have long to wait as the lawyers came filing back into the courtroom, each side looking eager and victorious.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t feel that same ambition. My eyes lay plastered on the Sergeant who stood and walked to the front of the judge’s bench. “All rise. The Honorable Colonel Thompson presiding.”

Chapter 11

Alex

The hammer was about to come down, and for once in my life, all of the control that I loved to hold and exert was non-existent. That skinny fucking Sergeant stood there, possibly knowing my fate, and there wasn’t a goddamned thing that I could do about it. I stole a glance at Cassie and watched her swallow a lump through that deliciously dainty neck of hers. More than anything else, I was afraid for her. Fear radiated through her eyes, and as I stood on the other side of Captain Hedlund, there wasn’t shit that I could do to help her, to ease her fears, to calm her down. I felt helpless and worthless. But more than anything, I felt angry.

I sucked on my bottom lip and swallowed hard, breathing hard through my nose like a bull waiting to be released. One way or another, this anxiety was going to subside, and I needed to hear something because I was bursting at the seams with no help in sight.

Captain Hedlund gave a confirming nod to both Cassie and me, but no emotion could be traced through his eyes. He was stoic as a statue, and if he were nervous or confident, he wasn’t letting on. For a second, I decided he really couldn’t give two shits about what would happen to us. That he was assigned to us because it was his job and nothing more.

I shut my eyes and lightly shook my head, hoping to shake away the paranoia. The dangling noose was getting the best of me, and I had to find a way to clear my mind. My heart beat so fast I felt as if it would burst through my ribcage, and as soon as Colonel Thompson began speaking, all blood drained from my face.

“I have considered the evidence presented by both sides of this case. I am twenty-two years into the Marine Corps, and it is, without a doubt, the fiber of my being. We create and maintain the world’s best warriors because we instill discipline and follow through with it in all facets of what we do.”

His words were like an incinerator slowly melting me before I was finally taken and thrown into the fire.

“Sergeant Cruz and Private First Class Bennett,” Colonel Thompson growled, glaring at the two of us. The wrath in his eyes accelerated my breathing, forcing me to take a couple of deep breaths in order to take control of my body once again. “Based on the evidence presented by Major Godinez, it would seem that you two have embarked on a prohibited affair involving and breaking the Corps rule on fraternization. As a student, Pfc. Bennett was subject to preferential treatment from her instructor, Sergeant Cruz, thereby placing the rest of the students at a direct disadvantage. This compromises morale. Our rules are put in place to combat such things.”

Without turning my head, I leaned forward ever so slightly to get a glimpse of Cassie. She looked pale, her breathing labored, and her beautiful emerald eyes waiting to unleash a flood of tears with the final words due to come out of Colonel Thompson’s mouth. My moment of guilt washed over me as I watched a young, promising Marine about to lose what little she had all because I’d needed to fuck her, and once I had, I’d fallen in love with her. Cassie should be in her new unit, thriving and working her way to her next promotion of Lance Corporal. Instead, she stood next to Captain Hedlund, staring forward but looking faint.

It was my fault that the fear of God sat in her heart, and I was prepared to throw myself over the fire if it came down to it. I would do anything to take that anguish away from her. She didn’t deserve any of the shit that was currently being swept in her direction.

“I believe in rules, and I believe in the law,” Colonel Thompson asserted, scanning the room from one side to the other. “If these two Marines had not broken the law, none of us would be here right now. Furthermore, the botched investigation would not have forced me to free Sergeant Cruz and Pfc. Bennett. Because protocol was not followed, I have no choice but to drop the charges and free Sergeant Alejandro Cruz and Private First Class Cassie Bennett.”

I exhaled harshly with the sound of Colonel Thompson’s words. My body lunged forward as I balanced my hands on the table, peering over to Cassie who stood looking shell shocked, crying like she had just won the lottery. Maybe she had. Maybe moving on with her life was worth more than millions. Either way, I wanted to grab her, to hold her, to tell her everything was going to be okay and that this whole fucking nightmare was now behind us, but I couldn’t. I was stuck where I stood, still running the Colonel’s words through my head, trying to make sense of them since I was sure he had misspoken.

Captain Hedlund turned to congratulate me, shaking my hand with the slightest trace of a smile across his face. I wanted so badly to reciprocate the expression, but I couldn’t. I was in utter disbelief. From the second the evidence had been presented, I’d felt the nails being hammered into our proverbial coffins, and it looked as if there were no way out. At the end of all of that, First Sergeant O’Hara, who worked tirelessly to nail us, nailed himself. He had been so blinded by his thirst for punishment that he’d sidestepped protocol and allowed us to walk free. I looked over to where he stood red and fuming, then smiled at him, further eliciting hate from the man.

“This is utter bullshit!” he yelled, forcefully pushing away from the table. “These two Marines are making a mockery of our beloved Corps.”

“You, First Sergeant, O’Hara, are making a mockery of my courtroom. Compose yourself or I will have no choice but to hold you in contempt,” Colonel Thompson angrily replied, glaring at O’Hara.

This sideshow was much more entertaining than what we had just been through. If I weren’t still standing before the judge, I would have laughed in his fucking face. O’Hara slammed his hands down on the table, then took a seat, once again eliciting the anger from Colonel Thompson.

“You are still a First Sergeant in the Marine Corps, and you are still in my courtroom. You stand until you are instructed to do otherwise. Do you understand me, First Sergeant?”

O’Hara’s beady eyes glared wrathful balls of fire. He was throwing a man-sized temper tantrum, but seemed to understand the limits and stood next to an awaiting Major Godinez. “Yes, sir.”

Laughter was ready to explode from me, but I understood the inappropriateness of it in our current situation. Even though Cassie and I had beat the charges, we were still considered fraternizers, and Colonel Thompson was in no way appreciative of either of us. The way he looked at me told me everything I needed to know about what he would say if he ever got me alone.

You’re a conniving piece of shit. If I could, I’d throw your ass in the brig and throw away the fucking key. You’re a predator.

I shook the thoughts out of my head, instead stealing a glance at Cassie who inadvertently was doing just the same. Our eyes locked, and the familiar warmth that I often felt whenever we stared at one another was once again present, heating my core and sending blood shooting for my cock. I felt the slightest twitch when she licked her lips and smiled.

“If I may, your honor,” Captain Hedlund spoke, breaking my lustful thoughts and finally settling my painfully swollen cock, “I would ask that the court please allow no further obstruction to my clients being able to execute orders. Sergeant Cruz has already been removed from his instructor duty and will need orders as soon as possible. Private First Class Bennett has orders awaiting her, and should be allowed to execute them promptly.”

“I see no issue with that,” Colonel Thompson remarked.

“Also, your honor, there are charges against Sergeant Cruz for the assault on Private Allen, the assailant of Private First Class Bennett. I would ask the court the drop those charges. Without Sergeant Cruz, who knows what would have become of Pfc. Bennett.”

Colonel Thompson stared Captain Hedlund deeply in his eyes. I had been so wrapped up in the fraternizing charges that I had completely forgotten about the assault charges. This one, regardless of said guilt or innocence was something I was willing to fall hard for. As far as I was concerned, I had failed Cassie when I allowed Riley to talk me out of finishing that perverted motherfucker off. He was still breathing, and that alone gave me the will to withstand whatever they were hoping to throw my way. I hated that waste of fucking space with every inch of me, and given the opportunity, I’d finish him off without a spec of guilt from my conscience.

“Since the assault charges were attached to the charges of Fraternization, I have no choice but to throw them out as well. Sergeant Cruz’s actions and implications have no bearing on such decision.”

This was another blessing that I wasn’t sure I truly deserved. Deep in my gut, I felt that I would be tried and found guilty for the assault on Allen, a punishment that I was all too willing to take, but somehow the heavens had opened up and dropped rays of mercy on me instead of a conviction. A wry smile spread across my face. Cassie looked as if life had been breathed into her once again, her golden skin now glowing as she finally allowed her lips to curl at the ends. After everything that had happened in our favor today, I was instantly hit with the realization that we were the only part of this puzzle that not come out of this debacle unscathed.

We were splintered, both of us still in love with the other, but unsure how to proceed. Cassie rejecting marriage stung worse than a repeated fucking wasp attack, and I questioned what she felt she had for me.

My thoughts were broken by the loud pound on the table from First Sergeant O’Hara. Those beady eyes were trained on Colonel Thompson, his face red as a beet while he fumed on the inside, but he knew better than to say anything. Major Godinez worked to calm him down, knowing a contempt charge was on the horizon should he lose his cool again.

Satisfaction fluttered inside of me. O’Hara had treated me like a criminal from the onset. He’d had a chance to be lenient, to handle matters in house; instead, he’d jumped the gun and tried to nail me as hard as he could, and all of his overzealous bullshit blew up in his face.

Was I guilty of the charges? Yes.

Did his lust for consequences and conviction do him in and allow me to walk free? Fuck, yes!

I turned to look in his direction; those lifeless, beady eyes of his settled on me and I winked, further enraging him.

Colonel Thompson gave the instructions—Cassie and I should execute orders immediately, and both counsels would need to see him in his chambers to close out the case. The sound of the gavel finally allowed my excitement to explode, and I turned to Captain Hedlund, vigorously shaking his hand and smiling. Cassie stood behind him, smiling but otherwise quiet. There was an absence of emotion in her face, which puzzled me. We had just beat charges that we were both damn near sure would ruin everything we had worked to build, and yet she stood there looking indifferent.

Captain Hedlund turned to Cassie and shook her hand, then walked away to meet Major Godinez and head back to Colonel Thompson’s chambers. I reached out for Cassie and took her in my arms, resting my face in the crook of her neck as she wrapped her arms around mine.

“We did it, Blondie, we did it. We beat this shit.”

I didn’t want to let her go. That intoxicatingly delicious vanilla smell that I had come to expect from her had wrapped me up and held me hostage. There was no better feeling than being in Cassie’s arms.

“I know, I know,” she whispered. Her body tensed a little, instinctively making me pull back to check on her. “What’s next, Alex? We got away with this, but now what?”

“What’s next is you two assholes move on from my command. In my nineteen years of service, I have never been more disgusted to share the title of Marine with any other Devil Dogs than the sorry ass excuse for what is standing before me,” First Sergeant O’Hara grumbled. Fury littered his face, making Cassie tense up again.

“We’ll be glad to move on, First Sergeant.”

O’Hara stared me down, then turned his intimidating look over to Cassie, who seemingly found it in her to reciprocate his stare. He finally turned his vengeful glare on me.

“Head over to the Admin office and pick up your fucking orders, Bennett. And I want you out of my staff office ASAP, you fucking understand me?”

I wanted so badly to ignore this prick standing in front of me, but we were still in our military environment, and he required a certain level of respect. I smiled at him, knowing it would get under his skin before answering, “Yes, First Sergeant. It would give me pleasure.”

The veins in his neck began to bulge, and his breathing picked up. He’d just had his ego ripped away from him, then stomped on, so there was no telling what he was capable of at the moment. Before he jumped off the deep end, he turned on his heel and angrily marched out of the courtroom.

I turned back to Cassie, who hadn’t moved or said a word during the standoff. She had relaxed, but there was still something amiss with her. Something I couldn’t quite figure out.

“What’s wrong, Blondie?”

Her eyes opened. “Are you fucking stupid? Alex, we’ve beat the fraternization charges, but your family hates me, and you broke up with me. Now you’re acting like everything is fine. What is wrong with you?”

“My family doesn’t fucking hate you, Cassie. And I did not break up with you. I believe that was the other way around.”

“Really?” she shrieked. Now I could see hints of anger flaring up inside of her. “I told you I didn’t think it was best to get married right now. I never said anything about not wanting to be with you. That was your doing. It’s all or nothing with you, with no regard for anyone else. You ripped my heart out when you walked out on me, Alex, and you didn’t even fucking care about how I felt.”

She was right. I had done everything she had just said. I just didn’t see any other way to move forward after being rejected in the worst way possible. I ran my hand over my face and exhaled harshly. Before I could make out any sort of explanation, she was right back at me, tearing into my ass, and not holding back.

“You’ve done some incredible things to me, and then you have done some incredibly fucked up things to me. I forgave you once for fucking me over, but this…this feels so much worse. I love you, Alex. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, but I think you did me a favor when you walked out on me. You made me see that you are indeed a selfish prick who has to have things done his way. Well, relationships and especially marriages require compromise, and I’m glad that I see you have no fucking clue about the meaning of the word before I let you slip a ring on my finger.”

Air escaped me, and I found it hard to breathe. One of the things that I adored about Cassie was the fact that she was firecracker and didn’t take any shit, but in this moment, I wish she didn’t possess those qualities. Her words whooped my ass and left me hurting more so than any physical pain ever could. She was hurt, upset, and I had made it that way. I had put this wall up between us, and I knew I stood the possibility of losing her for good. The thought was worse than being convicted in that courtroom today.

“Cassie—“

“I need to get going. I want out of this fucking unit, and I need my orders to make that happen.”

Without another word, she turned and walked out of the courtroom, leaving me feeling like I had just lost everything important to me. Taking a seat on the chair in front of me, I let my head rest on the table while I thought long and hard about what I had done, and how the fuck I would fix it.

If I could fix it.

++++

I didn’t head straight for the Admin office. After I’d left the courtroom, I’d had to walk—to think and figure out what the fuck I had allowed myself to do in my moment of temporary insanity. I had to be insane if I thought letting Cassie go was the best option for me. I had successfully backed her into a corner, and she wasn’t giving in. I had fucked up…royally.

When I just couldn’t walk anymore, I found myself at my instructor office. It had been a while since I’d been there, and knowing that I was about to enter and leave for the last time sent a wave of melancholy over me. I hadn’t wanted to become an instructor, but I’d relished the opportunity, fallen in love with it, and taken pride in it. It was who I was, but now it was just an after-thought.

I took out my key and unlocked the door, then turned the knob and walked in. My eyes instantly met with Jensen. He was reading through roll sheets, probably preparing for his next class of students arriving within the next few days. Awkwardness didn’t begin to describe the feeling of the room. Our friendship had crumbled during my relationship with Cassie. We had fought, said some pretty fucked up shit to one another, and were barely on speaking terms. I didn’t know how to approach him, so rather than try, I just avoided him and pretended he wasn’t there.

There were a few boxes sitting on my desk, and I took the liberty of throwing things inside of them, trying to hurry up and get the hell out before any problems could arise.

“I thought you had court today,” Jensen asked, no emotion whatsoever in his voice.

I turned to look at him, holding a stone face as he sat glaring at me. “I did, and it’s over,” I coldly answered.

“You’re free?” he asked. The slight trace of disappointment in his words made my temper flare.

“Yes, I’m free. Anything else you’d like to know?”

He stared at me in disbelief.

“You look stunned, Jensen. You okay?”

“I just didn’t expect that.”

He was baiting me, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t falling for it. His smug and condescending attitude since finding out about me and Cassie had rubbed me raw. He was looking for a fight, and I was ready to give him one.

“Well, what the fuck were you expecting? Did you think that running to O’Hara and spilling your fucking guts to him was going to make you look good? Did you think a meritorious promotion would be in the cards? What the fuck, Jensen?”

A flash went off in his eyes, and he was in my face in a hurry. “Get the fuck off your high and mighty, paranoid horse, Alex. I didn’t have to say anything to O’Hara. Your stupid ass did you in long before that was necessary. You feel guilty for breaking the code, for stepping out of the fucking boundaries, and turning yourself into one of the motherfucking turds that we have come to despise. You want to know what I was expecting? I’ll fucking tell you what I was expecting. I was expecting for you to step up, be a man, and own your shit. I was expecting for you to walk into that courtroom with your head held high and tell them that you are a Marine, and that you believe in what that title stands for, and that you deserve to be punished because you have dishonored yourself, your unit, but most of all you’ve dishonored the Corps. That’s what the fuck I expected.”

He spoke so passionately that he stopped to catch his breath, all the while glaring at me. “I guess my expectations were too fucking high,” he resumed. “You’re a coward, and beating your charges or not, you will always know it because it is forever a piece of what makes you.”

“I ought to whoop your ass right here and now,” I lowly grumbled, feeling the heat rise within my body. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You stand there, looking down on me, passing judgment and thinking that you are somehow better than me. Well, let me remind you of something. I am everything you want to be, everything you hope to become. You’ve been shadowing me since we got here because you see what you know you will never be. Fraternizer or not, I’m still light years ahead of you and it pains you to no end. Hate me, call me a fucking turd, but remember this. I have convictions. If I say or do something it’s because I believe in it. It’s too fucking bad that I can’t say the same for you.”

I threw a few more things into my box, then picked it up and headed for the door. “Think long and hard about throwing the coward word around, Jensen. Take a look in the fucking mirror before you use that again.”

Before he could say another word to me, I walked out of the office and instantly felt the first feel of gratification since Cassie had emotionally shattered me.

The thick layer of hot sweltering heat that hit my face as I strode outside was surprisingly refreshing. Jensen had made my blood boil, but satisfaction had hit me as I pinned him with his own insult. Our friendship had blossomed because we were so much alike, but he found himself shadowing me, trying to emulate the things that I was doing to get noticed. No matter what my indiscretions were, I knew I still held a level of dignity that he would never achieve. He had sold his soul to the devil, and that was a guilt that he would have to live with.

++++

I picked up my orders on the lunch hour, making sure to avoid certain people who served as nothing but constant annoyance to me. Even with the promising start, this day had turned sour in a hurry, and I didn’t need any more fuel being added to an already burning fire.

I was shocked when the Admin clerk handed me my orders, and I found that I would be going to 3/11, an Artillery Battalion. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy about the orders or not, but they were what they were, so I took them and analyzed what this meant as far as me and my career. Were these orders a punishment? Artillery did a hell of a lot of field time, and if O’Hara had any say in where I shipped off to next, maybe he saw this as a way to get something on me finally. Of course with this, I was no longer in a position of power over females. It was a combat MOS, and there were no females in the unit. I mentally told myself to fucking forget about it, take the orders, and move on.

When I checked in with the OOD, he gave me a quizzical look, but didn’t allude to whatever it was that he was thinking. He explained that I would be heading to Kilo Battery and that I would be under the command of Master Sergeant Finey. I nodded, got my shit stamped, then headed over to my new workspace and get settled into my new home.

Master Sergeant Finey was a large man, and if I were unsure of myself, he could come off as intimidating. His dark chocolate skin, bulging black eyes, and Hulk-like muscles comprised every inch of the excessively tall man. His shake was bone crushing, but I returned it, showing that I wasn’t cowering and that I could be a force just as he could.

“I’m Sergeant Cruz, Master Sergeant—”

“I know who the fuck you are,” he roared. His voice almost matched the rumble of my fucking truck. “I got a call from O’Hara, so I know all about you.”

This wasn’t going to be good. O’Hara hated me, and I was sure he had slandered me in some way or another.

“There are no females here, so I don’t have to worry about that shit you got yourself caught up in. Do your fucking job and we won’t have any goddamn problems. You understand that?”

“Yes, Master Sergeant,” I responded, looking him square in the eye.

“Good. Let me show you around the shop and introduce you to a few people.”

I followed his lead, meeting the Battery XO, a few Staff Sergeants, and a couple of junior Marines. All in all, this unit felt more like a benefit than a punishment for me. If O’Hara had meant to make 3/11 my consequence, he had just fucked himself once again. The element, the camaraderie, the fighting spirit, and the testosterone filling those walls was exactly where I needed to be.

“I’m going to go ahead and let you call it a day, but I expect to see you at zero five tomorrow morning. We have a lot of planning to get through, and unfortunately for you, you’ll be in the thick of it.”

There was code in his words that he wasn’t letting on to. I stopped and looked him in the eye, trying hard to read him, but otherwise finding a stern and expressionless glare staring back at me.

“What are the plans, Master Sergeant?”

He stared long and hard before speaking. I could tell this was not something that I wanted to hear, but I quickly prepared myself for it anyway.

“Fallujah is in the throes of civil unrest. Our brothers have been supplementing the infantry units out there, and unfortunately, we’ve been taking heavy casualties. We’re sending extra manpower, and you’ve come just in time.”

I was caught off guard. I knew the war wasn’t going well, but I didn’t think I’d be heading of for it again so quickly.

“When should I expect to ship out, Master Sergeant?”

“Two weeks, Sergeant, so make sure your ass is here, on time, so we can get through the paperwork and get all of your screenings done. Welcome to the party.” He promptly turned and walked away.

I let his words sink in. I thought about my life and everything that was so fucked up in it here. I didn’t want to leave Cassie, but in a sense, I had already done that. I thought about calling her, but I quickly squashed the idea. I needed a clear mind to move on and get myself right before heading off for battle.

My fucking life back in Twentynine was already fractured, so it only made sense to go off to a place where all of the destitute feelings had no place. At some point, I would let Cassie know that I’d be leaving and see how she received the news. Either way, right now just didn’t feel right.

I walked out to my truck and hopped in, feeling the bittersweet sensations of my new life. I was happy to find my place and fight alongside my brothers, but I was also sad that I would be doing so without the support of the one person back home who meant the absolute fucking world to me.

Chapter 12

Cassie

Stepping out of the courtroom, the blazing sun hit my face, the thick air filled my lungs, and I immediately felt life breathe into me again. How in the world had I just escaped possible brig time, adverse paperwork, demotion, and anything else that could have destroyed my burgeoning career?

I wanted to scream and fist pump.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to wrap my arms around Alex and have him whisk me away for a celebratory love making session.

I wanted all of it, and sadly, I couldn’t have any of it.

The judge ruling in our favor wasn’t because we had been exonerated, but because First Sergeant O’Hara had jumped the gun and tried to cover his tracks after the fact. His lust for punishment, and his need to make Alex an example was his undoing.

And at the end of all of it, I had nothing to show for it.

Sure, I was intact, and nothing about my standing in the Corps had changed, but my heart was broken. It felt as if someone had ripped it out and left it there to die. I had no clue what was going to become of Alex and me, and that thought alone grappled me with a world of hurt. I loved him more than I could recall loving anyone else in my life. I stood by the fact that we shouldn’t have rushed into marriage, but I never thought he would pull the plug on us with such an extreme ultimatum. Now, I was left to go on and figure out my life without him. If he told me he was wrong, dropped on his knees and promised to do right by me…if he apologized for flying off the hinges, I’d take him back in the blink of an eye. But I was no idiot; I knew the real Alex Cruz, and like it or not, his ego was a massive part of his being, and those thoughts would only live in my dreams.

I picked up my orders from the Admin office, running into Sergeant Castillo while I waited. She had a smug look about her, but it didn’t bother me. I knew she didn’t like me, and I damn sure didn’t like her, so no love was lost.

“So you managed to beat it, huh?”

With a roll of my eyes, I coldly answered, “I didn’t beat anything, Sergeant.”

She smiled, tight lipped as her eyes glared at me. The villainous look in her eyes was not surprising, but the way she stood erect and rigid with the entrance of another Marine caught me off guard.

“Did Cruz come and pick up his orders?” the guy asked. “His ass is off to Iraq soon.”

My breath caught, and my hand immediately went for my chest. Had I heard him correctly? Alex would be leaving Twentynine and deploying to Iraq? I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to rewind the last couple of minutes, take my orders, then walk out of the building without ever hearing those horrid words.

Castillo’s eyes widened at the guy, almost as if she were giving off a warning.

“Oh, hey!” the guy said. I instantly recognized him as Vernon. “Picking up your orders, Pfc. Bennett? You must be so excited to be moving on unscathed after having beat such an obvious fraternization charge.”

I tried hard to smile, but it wouldn’t come to me. Everything Alex had told me about this guy let me know that he was trouble with a capital T and he was not to be trusted.

“If you would excuse me, Sergeants, I need to get going.”

They both nodded, their eyes hooded and low like snakes in high grass. Castillo I could deal with, but Vernon, I was unfamiliar with. I had heard nothing but bad things about him. Seeing him in the chow hall, then again at the pool, had definitely rubbed me wrong and he was adding to it now. I turned with orders in hand and walked out of the building, feeling their eyes burning into me the entire way out. These two seemed as if they were made for each other—they were both conniving assholes. I had never been so happy to get away.

Iraq? That didn’t necessarily tell me anything about Alex’s orders. All that meant was that he would be deploying. But from where? Was he still going to be here in Twentynine? Or had they shipped him clear across the country and would deploy him from there?

My first inclination was to call him and find out because my mind was racing and I needed to know, but after thinking it over, I decided I would wait. I wasn’t sure if Alex had picked up his orders, and if he hadn’t, I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. When he found out, he would tell me.

I let my mind settle with that, then walked off in the direction of the air wing, readying myself to be a real Marine.

++++

I checked in with Staff Sergeant Rapert. She was a tall, husky looking female, with short blond hair, and a rugged face that held a friendly smile. She took me around the shop, pointing out all of the important people within the squadron. I tried to take in all of the information she quickly passed my way, but I decided not to fret. I’d be in this unit for the next thirty-six months, and I had plenty of time to figure all of that out.

“You will work directly under me,” she said with a jovial smile. “I have another female radio operator under my command, Pfc. Ruiz. I think you two will get along.”

Angelica’s name jolted me. With everything that had happened, I had forgotten that she was in this unit, and dread flooded me. She had apologized for everything she had done, but that didn’t mean that everything was copasetic between us, and from where I was standing, we certainly weren’t friends. I didn’t know how I’d feel or react to seeing her again. It had been a while, and her reaction towards me had caused a bit of anxiety.

SSgt. Rapert walked me to the Comm cage and there she sat—dark brown hair pulled back into a perfectly neat bun, green t-shirt tucked into her desert cammie pants showing off her ample assets and deeply engaged in conversation with another Marine.

“Ahem,” SSgt. Rapert called, instantly gaining the attention of everyone in the cage. Angelica’s eyes lifted, landing on me, and it looked as if a frown spread across her lips. “This is Pfc. Bennett, another radio operator. Welcome her in, and get her up to speed on what we have going on here.”

I swallowed, looking around at the eyes staring back at me. The only person who I could fixate on was Angelica. She didn’t have the same evil glare that I had been on the receiving end of so many times before, but there was nothing friendly in her eyes.

The male she was talking to walked over and reached out his hand. “I’m Lance Corporal Serrateli,” he said. His bright green eyes matched mine and contrasted beautifully against his olive skin. I gave him my hand, shaking gently, then stepped back to take in the manual that he had placed in front of me.

“This radio is new, and will soon be out in the warzone, so we’re trying to get some practice on it before we see it in the middle of an Iraqi sandstorm,” he joked, smiling wide and showcasing a set of perfectly white teeth. There was something about him that put me at ease.

“This is Lance Corporal Jennings, and Pfc. Ruiz,” Serrateli introduced. Jennings shook my hand and Angelica came walking over slowly, a slight hint of a smile finally caressing her lips. She looked to me, to Serrateli, then back to me again.

“I already know Pfc. Bennett. We were roommates in Comm School.”

Serrateli’s eyes brightened. He and Angelica exchanged a smile that held a million secrets, but no one else was privy to the unspoken conversation. It made me uneasy, shifting as I stood there feeling like the joke was on me before Serrateli broke the awkwardness.

“Welcome to the squadron, Bennett. I look forward to working with you.”

“Same to you, Lance Corporal Serrateli.”

I started to walk away when Angelica walked behind me, calling out my name and tapping me on the shoulder. “Welcome to the squadron, Bennett,” she said, giving a smile that didn’t meet her eyes, but was still better than her earlier expression.

“Thanks. I’m not following you if that’s what you’re thinking.”

She laughed, finally making me feel at ease. “I don’t think anything. This is the Marine Corps. You go where they send you, point blank.”

“True.”

“Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I really meant everything I said at the hospital that day. I’m sorry for what I said and did to you. I really hope you forgive me, especially now that we’ll be working every day together.”

“I told you then that all is forgiven, Angelica. I’m just ready to move on from all of it.” She had no idea what all of it entailed, and I damn sure wasn’t about to tell her. We could be amicable, but she still wasn’t someone who I could trust.

“Good. Well, I’ll see you around. I have some stuff I need to take care of.”

“Yeah, see ya.” She turned and walked away.

Her words were sincere, but her little look and secretive glance with Serrateli was different. I would be lying if I said that I was looking forward to working so closely with her, but I had no choice. I had the next thirty-six months in this unit, and some of it, or maybe even all of it would be spent without Alex. I had no choice but to look forward and start paving my way. At least I had Dalton. At the end of all of this, I still had him, and that was better than nothing.

++++

The following night, Dalton asked me to go with him to his basketball tournament. I wasn’t in the mood, and really just wanted to lay around and watch TV, but he refused to allow me to be such a bum. He always had a way with words.

Alex had texted a couple of times, asking me how my check-in went and if Angelica had reared her ugly head yet. He never told me about his deployment, and I didn’t prod. I was waiting for him to tell me himself.

As I worked a straightener through my hair, I wondered how Alex and I had risen and fallen so quickly. As hot as he was, there was something about him that told me he was trouble, and it may have been that which hooked me. I knew from the second I saw him in formation that we would have something. It had been quite humorous watching him squirm while trying to stay away from me. I’d given him his space, and he’d come crawling back.

That was what I was hoping for this time. By giving him the space he needed to heal his broken ego, maybe he’d see the light and come back. I wouldn’t take him easily. What he’d done to us was hurtful, callous, and childish, but I loved him. I loved him with every part of me, and I wanted him back in my life more than anything.

Dalton was already at the gym when I set off. The pinkish-purple sky mixed with a warm desert air set the scene for a romantic evening, only there was no romance in my life at the moment. Alex was constantly on my mind, even though I knew it wasn’t exactly healthy. I had these strange moments where I loved him, then I hated him, but at the end of everything I always went back to loving him and hoping that somehow, he’d come to his senses. My life was tied to him, and I hated that he so easily severed that tie. My hope was that tonight’s game would distract me, giving me something else to agonize over because at the rate that I was going, I was sure to drive myself crazy.

Thick, musty air filled the gym with the bodies of ample men sweating as they ran the length of the gym floor. Dalton was sitting on the sidelines and waved enthusiastically at me when I walked in. His team was next on the court. I waved back, then looked around for an open seat. When I sat down, I noticed Angelica a few seats over, laughing outrageously with a group of people that I didn’t recognize. Was this the normal Angelica? Was she always this carefree and easy going? I guess stiff competition and green envy would change anyone. This Angelica looked like fun. She looked like someone you could enjoy a few drinks with, then laugh the night away with at one another’s expense. But alas, she was Angelica, and her friendliness was not directed towards me.

The final buzzer sounded and the crowded seats emptied, leaving space for more spectators. I sat alone, playing on my phone and trying hard not to look like a loner in this still crowded gym. I was in the middle of making a Bitstrips comic about what a loner I was when I felt a tap on the shoulder. I looked up to find Angelica looking down on me, a half smile on her face.

“You here alone? Where’s Alex?”

There was no way in hell I was about to fill her in on the status of our relationship, or lack thereof. She was much more amicable than before, but I couldn’t and didn’t trust her, so I gave her a generic answer, hoping it would placate her, and she’d leave it alone.

“He’s busy, so I came alone to support Dalton.”

“I see. Well, you don’t need to sit by yourself. You’re welcome to move over here with us.”

I contemplated the idea for a minute. She was being cordial, and I didn’t want to come off as a bitch since we had supposedly buried the hatchet. The group looked friendly enough, so I stood, and followed Angelica over and took a seat. She introduced me, and I didn’t remember anyone’s name, but it was just as well. I didn’t see myself hanging with such a large group all of the time as it had never been a sense of comfort of me.

“You here for Dalton?” I asked, feeling strange since they weren’t exactly friends either.

“Um, not really, but I’ll cheer for him. I’m actually here for Joey.”

“Joey?”

She laughed, throwing her lustrous café brown hair over her shoulders. “Serrateli. He’s on the team with Dalton.”

“Oh.”

I nodded my head, then scanned the court where the players were stretching. Sure enough, I found the dark olive skinned Serrateli. In shorts, he was even more impressive—tall and leanly muscular, with his jersey showcasing toned arms full of tattoos. Serrateli was easy on the eyes, but Alex was heavy on my heart. I met eyes with him, and he smiled, which I quickly reciprocated, then turned my gaze away and pulled out my phone, sending a text to Alex.

Me: What are you up to? I’m at a basketball game. If you’re not busy, you should join me.

I waited for his response, but it didn’t come. Eagerly hoping for a response, I glanced down at the screen every minute or so, but nothing popped up. Finally, I gave up, stuffed the phone back in my pocket, and sat up to watch the game. I took notice of the fact that Angelica had been watching me, probably drawing her own conclusions. I still wasn’t going to confirm anything for her, whether she asked or not.

By halftime, Dalton’s team was up by three points. The other team had some very physical guys, and both Dalton and Serrateli had been fouled pretty hard, drawing loud gasps from the crowd. I took my phone out of my pocket, glancing down and smiling at the notification of a response from Alex.

Alex: Have fun! Drunk off my ass celebrating my freedom.

My mind immediately jumped to the negative. Alex could have meant his freedom from legal woes, from me, or both, but I assumed he meant away from me. I was a firm believer in alcohol being a truth serum, and if my beliefs were true, he was glad to be away from me.

My next thought was to call him and stop with the cruel, self-inflicted mind games, but before I could, the buzzer sounded, and the players were walking back out onto the court. As much as I wanted to walk out of the gym and get Alex on the phone and demand an explanation from him, I was here for Dalton, and he had been unwavering of me. It would have been shitty of me to leave him in the middle of his game, so I stayed firmly planted in my seat and cheered loudly for him when he did well, but my mind never remained on Alex and his cryptic text.

When the final buzzer sounded, Dalton’s team had held on and won by a point. Dalton had what looked to be developing bruises on his arms, and he had been elbowed in the ribs a couple of times, but the sweet taste of victory over such dirty players seemed to overrule the pain.

“You see those shitheads?” Dalton asked, grabbing me into a musty, sweaty embrace.

I squirmed to get away but was too late. He had me, and to my dismay, I was covered in his disgusting perspiration. “I saw. You played great though. Congrats.”

“Hey good game, man,” Serrateli said, clapping Dalton on the shoulder. Dalton released me, turning to Serrateli and indulging in a guy hug. “Hey, Bennett, what brings you here? You know Dalton?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “Dalton and I are good friends.”

“The best,” Dalton affirmed.

Serrateli looked between us, then smiled at me. “Well, did you enjoy the game?”

“I did. You guys played well.”

“Well, you should definitely come back out Friday night. We have these guys again.”

I cleared my throat then smiled. Angelica had meandered over to where we were standing, and I didn’t want to give her any inkling that things between Alex and me were on the outs.

“Yeah, if I’m free, I’ll come out.”

“Yeah, Alex won’t like her hanging with all of these hot, sweaty men all night long,” she replied, smiling devilishly.

The mere mention of his name and his possessiveness sent a shiver down my back and made my nipples stand at attention. It was one of the things that I liked best about him. The way he hovered, blatantly and sensually demanding, it had always been a turn on for me. He was a protector, and now I was essentially left alone.

My heart stopped for a second at the thought of where I now stood with him. I was hurting, and I couldn’t deny it. I wanted a way out of this feeling, and I knew that only Alex coming back to me or time would heal this pain. The more I thought about it, the more I realized the latter was probably the route I would have to take.

The heat from the gym felt as if it had rocketed a few degrees higher while the air began to get thicker, making it hard to breathe and nearly impossible to swallow. I needed to get away before all of the eyes around me took notice of my state started asking questions.

“I’m just going to step out and make a call. Dalton, I’ll wait for you outside?” My cheeks were on fire, flashing red as I smiled at the group, hoping they’d go along with my overheated excuse.

Dalton, being the observant one that he was, took notice of my flustered state. “You okay, Cassie?”

“I’m fine. It’s just hot, and I haven’t had much to eat. I need some air, so I’ll meet you out there.”

Angelica watched me questioningly. Her eyes searched me for answers that I wouldn’t give, but then she finally smiled and whispered, “I hope you feel better, Cassie.”

With a tight smile and a head nod, I hurried out of the gym. The air, even warm as it was, hit my face and finally settled me a bit. I coughed the withheld breath that had holed up inside of me, then wiped the thin layer of sweat from my brow and pulled out my phone. As best as I tried, it wasn’t good enough to keep me from cowering and calling Alex. He was drunk, and when Alex drank, he was volatile. I knew that now was probably not the best time to call him demanding answers, but when wounded, I wanted to fight back.

“Hello,” he slurred.

I could tell this drunk fest had been going for a while—there was loud music and yelling in the background. I’d initially thought he was drinking alone, or maybe with Riley, but by the sounds of things, there was a party going on, and Alex’s parties were anything but innocent. This further incensed me.

“Are you having a fucking party?”

“There is a party going on here. It’s not mine.”

“You expect me to believe that Riley is throwing a party on a Tuesday night, Alex?”

“You can believe what you want, Blondie. But if you have to know, no. Smith is.” Smith? He didn’t even live there. “Anyway, what’s up? Don’t you have a game to cheer on?”

“No,” I sighed. “Game is over. I was wondering about your text.”

“What about it?”

“You said you’re free. Free from what?” I waited with bated breath.

“Cassie, are you really calling me to ask about that? I’m free. There are no subliminal meanings in there.”

I exhaled, thankful yet still irritated at the same time. “You’ve been distant. You broke up with me on a fucking whim, and now you’re celebrating your freedom. Yes, I’m asking.”

“Cassie, right now is not the best time for me to get into this. You know why we aren’t fucking together, so don’t try and pin this shit on me. You had second thoughts, you don’t hold our relationship as highly as I do, and if we aren’t on the same path, then there really is no fucking point in dragging shit out.”

A long silence followed. Finally, I broke the torture.

“You’re a fucking prick, Alex. You’re so fucking full of yourself that your stupid fucking ego is clouding your judgment. I love you more now than I did when I said yes to you. I just want to be smart about making such a lifelong commitment, which you obviously know nothing about. Let your ego ruin everything for you. I hope it fucks you as well as I did because you’re never going to find anything better. When you sober up and want to talk, call me. Until then, go fuck yourself.”

“I already have, Blondie. It’s getting me by just fine.”

I hung up the call. I couldn’t believe we had come to this point. I wanted to scream into the night air, punch the fucking walls, or better yet, punch him in the face. But none of that would make me feel better or solve my problems, so before any murderous thoughts could spring to mind, I shoved my phone into my back pocket and turned to find Dalton perched against the wall. He held a somber look as he walked over and took me in his arms, kissing the top of my head as I held my face to his chest.

“You okay, Cassie?”

“I’m just fine,” I said, holding the tears back.

He rubbed my head and squeezed me tighter. “No, you aren’t, but it’s okay to play tough.”

I pulled back, looking into the sadness of his crystal blue eyes. “I’m fine, Dalton.”

“Okay, doll. You’re fine.”

“What’s your deal?” I asked, violently jerking my body away from his embrace. “I told you I’m fucking fine.”

He pulled me closer, then used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a stray tear that I hadn’t realized had fallen from my eye. He held his wet thumb in front of me.

“I may not be fucking you, Cassie, but I know you better than anyone. You are not fine, and it’s okay not to be.”

His words struck a chord and unleashed the floodgates. I burst into a fit of tears, trying hard to stifle them but failing miserably. “He’s done with me, Dalton. He’s deploying, and he won’t even fucking tell me. How had I not seen this side of him? How did I become just another anybody to him?”

“Shhh,” Dalton soothed, pulling me even closer and rubbing his hands down the back of my head once again. “You are not just another anybody to him. You’ve always seen this side of Alex, but you are in love with him, and sometimes love is fucking blind. Give him some time, he’ll come around.”

“I don’t even know how much time I have.”

“Then you find out. And in the meantime, you stay tough. You’ve been through some rough shit, and you will not allow this to break you.”

I tried to smile, but it hurt. The pain manifesting itself in my heart was now permeating throughout my body. “Love hurts, Dalton. It takes you over, whirls you around, and allows you to freefall. I’m free falling, and the pain of it all is destroying me.”

“Then don’t let it. Be that tough as nails Cassie that I know and love. And if you need my help in the meantime, I’m right here for you, but you will not fall apart for a man. You are not Emmalyn Bennett.”

I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer that I would never become my mother. She was a walking disaster, and when I wasn’t cursing her for being the evil, vindictive woman that she was, I felt bad for her. I had received a barrage of calls from her, but I never returned them. With the amount of shit being shoveled my way lately, I just couldn’t take her, not even in small doses.

“Let’s get you home,” Dalton said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and leading us away from the gym. A couple of tears fell from my eyes as I walked away, feeling like a piece of me would never recover.

Chapter 13

Alex

Beer, Jager bombs, and more beer filled my night. I was in such a haze that it was hard to remember when I even went to bed. Smith wanted to throw me a party for beating my charges, and with the way I’d been feeling, I was down for anything.

I wanted the alcohol to numb me from the pain of being without Cassie. Deploying would probably be the best thing for me because it would require my undue attention. The last thing I wanted was another deployment where my mind was stuck where it shouldn’t have been, instead of on our mission.

As much as it hurt not having Cassie, I knew that O’Hara had done me the best fucking favor that he could have ever done for me. Getting away would certainly ease the heartache.

I didn’t remember much from the night before, but my phone conversation with Cassie was shining through, crystal clear. I shuddered at the way I had spoken to her, probably making her feel like she meant little to nothing to me. That couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Let your ego ruin everything for you. I hope it fucks you as well as I did because you’re never going to find anything better.

That statement played over and over in my head until I just couldn’t take it any longer. As badly as I wanted to throw everything to the side, my mind continued to doubt Cassie’s commitment to me. I had laid every fucking thing I had on the line for her, but she didn’t feel the same way. It fucking hurt, but I wasn’t going to let it break me. If she came to me, laying everything out in the open and wanting this relationship as badly as I did, I would take her back in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately, all of this inner turmoil was building inside of me, and I had no place to release it. Cassie and I hadn’t had sex since before her attack, so I was beginning to grow a strong set of blue balls, and my frustration level was about to blow through the roof. I wasn’t sure how Allen was still playing on my mind, but every time I got to Cassie in that way, all I could picture were his fingers touching her, caressing her, attacking her…it made me physically ill to the point of violence and the only way to remove that feeling was to remove myself from the trigger. I spent countless nights and restless mornings desperately trying to find a way to deal with it, and move on, but all those thoughts served was more frustration, more anxiety, and hardcore hand job sessions that still didn’t satisfy me the way I needed to be satisfied.

This morning was no exception. Not only was I accosted by the thoughts of Cassie, Allen, and my own shortcomings, but now I was dealing with my display of being a supreme dick to her the night before.

My dick throbbed this morning, more so than it had any other day. I could feel the intense tingles as it stood rigid as stone. I tried moving my legs, hoping that the shift would ease some of the hurt, but it only intensified it and I winced. My hand immediately took hold of it, working it up and down as I tried to take some of the ache away. Nothing seemed to help. I could feel the tension building, working its way through my body, and my chest constricted with each breath as my legs grew heavy with sensation. If I didn’t fucking come soon, I was going to explode in a way that was sure to cause bodily harm.

I moved my hand ferociously, ignoring the pain of the vise-like grip that held onto my aching cock. I was determined to come…to finally relieve some stress. The harder I worked, the longer my release seemed to take. Sweat coated my hands, feet, and face, and my facial muscles contorted as I strained out my efforts, closing my eyes tightly and biting down with tenacity. I took my free hand and gripped the sheets, scrunching them so tightly that I was sure there would be holes in them by the time I was done. I didn’t fucking care. My sole focus was coming, and hoping that the release would take some of my Cassie anxiety along with it.

The room began to get warm. Even with the air conditioner blasting and the ceiling fan spinning above me, my efforts were heating my core. I could feel the ache that had been plaguing my cock, make its way down my legs and up my chest. Heartburn hit me as I continued to stroke, fueling a fire inside of me that left me panting, gasping, and struggling not only to breathe, but also to release. Exactly three strokes later, it finally came. That gut wrenching, tingling sensation, inducing what I had been waiting so long for. My only wish was that I was balls deep inside of Cassie but since I wasn’t, I focused back on the task at hand and grunted out my explosion, sending warm, white cum spurting onto my stomach. Sadly, it didn’t quell my thirst for satisfaction… I felt better, but I was still backed up, and I knew the only way to fix this problem was to dig deep into a pussy and let loose from there.

Now my objective was to find my way back into some pussy.

After showering and dressing, I walked out to the kitchen where Riley and Nat were enjoying one another. He was half way down her throat, hands down her pants, ready to fuck her on the kitchen island. If I hadn’t walked in, that was probably going to be their next move.

“You have a fucking room, man.” I was annoyed that he was getting anything and everything that he wanted, whenever he wanted it. Jealously was an ugly fucking thing, and I had a bad case of it.

“Hey, sorry, man. You all right?”

“I’m good.”

I looked at Nat, who was watching me inquisitively. She had been working so much at the shop that she hadn’t been around our house too often, and last night was the first night in a long time that I had seen her. We hadn’t had any meaningful conversation, and my bad mood was probably more off putting to her.

“Hey, Nat…I haven’t told you, but I’m really sorry for the shit I said to you. I was wrong and out of line.”

She straightened up, making herself presentable since Dalton had damn near stripped her in our eating place. I would have to set more guidelines on his ass.

“Thank you, Alex. And I’m sorry to hear about Cassie.”

I nodded. There really wasn’t much that I could say at the moment, and I certainly didn’t want to delve into the train wreck that was me and Cassie.

“Riley told me what happened, and I’ve been meaning to offer my sympathies, but I wasn’t sure where you stood with me.”

I turned to the sink and threw some water on my face, then wiped it away with a paper towel. I wasn’t sure if it was frustration, anger, or a lethal combination of both, but this conversation was taking me back to a place that I did not want to be.

“It’s okay. Shit happens, right?”

Both Riley and Nat looked at me with worry in their eyes. I guess my charade wasn’t fooling anyone, and honestly, it wasn’t supposed to, but if it got them to back the fuck up, then I’d keep it up.

“Hey, man, have you told Cassie about the deployment orders?”

“No,” I coldly answered. “Why would I do that?”

Exasperation spread across Riley’s face as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Alex, come on. If you two are not technically together that’s fine, but don’t you think there is something there?”

Nat stood watching the two of us, looking like at any moment she would have to step in and play referee. Riley was right, and even though I knew it, it was pissing me off.

“I have to get to work. I have a shit ton of screenings to get through so I can get my ass out of here next week.” I turned and walked out, then hopped into my truck and sped off.

++++

When I got to work, MSgt. Finny handed me a pre-deployment checklist sheet along with my folders to take to medical, dental, base legal, and the finance office. It had been a long time since I’d had to do this stuff, but strangely, it all felt familiar and even refreshing. Call me crazy, but the thought of getting out of Twentynine and legally blowing out my aggression was exciting me.

My first stop was at medical where every inch of my body was looked over, poked and prodded. After that, I went to dental where x-rays were taken, and a thorough exam was given. I never liked anyone that far into my mouth, not unless it was Cassie, and that was a different matter entirely. I was never so happy to get out of that chair, and with no work needing to be done, that made it all the better.

After lunch, I went into the finance office and set up allotments for my mom to be able to pay my mortgage, truck payment, and a little something just for stepping up and helping me out. Leaving everything in her hands made me feel a million times better.

When I went to legal, LCpl. Nelson smiled brightly, taking me almost immediately so that I could get my Power of Attorney taken care of, and I listed my mom again. Nelson was overly chatty, asking questions that didn’t pertain to the paperwork at hand, but I didn’t mind; she was nice and seemed like a lot of fun. She slipped me a small piece of paper in my hand just as I was standing to leave. I looked down at it, then back at her as she stood with her lips slightly puckered. I had seen that look before and I knew exactly what it meant. She was an attractive girl, but I wasn’t going to dip into that. I had enough shit going on around me, and I didn’t need to add anymore to the pot.

Captain Hedlund’s voice could be heard coming down the hall, and when I turned away from Nelson, there was Cassie, walking out with a folder in hand. Our eyes instantly locked, disapproval shrouding her face. My face heated, and my dick swelled. For better or for worse, Cassie was forever going to be a weakness for me.

I glanced to Nelson who had yet to erase her lustful expression from her face, and I could tell that Cassie had seen it too.

“Go over everything and we’ll meet again next week, Pfc. Bennett,” Captain Hedlund instructed. He turned to me, bellowing out, “Sgt. Cruz, come into my office please.”

“Coming, sir,” I responded, hoping to get to Cassie before she stormed out.

Captain Hedlund turned and walked back into his office. I hurried over to Cassie and took her by the arm, hoping to get a couple of minutes with her before she left.

“Alex, not in here,” she whispered.

The legal office was busy, but from what I could see, no one except Nelson was paying attention to us.

“No, here is perfect. I need you to fucking listen to me, Blondie.”

“Start talking then.”

I sighed, looking back and finding Nelson’s prying eyes burning into my backside. I took Cassie and pulled her behind a wall to give us a little more privacy.

“What the fuck has happened to us? How the fuck did we get here?”

“You’re seriously asking me that right now? I can’t sum it up in a couple of minutes, Alex.”

“Well, let’s start with what you’re doing here?”

She pulled back, looking offended. “That’s none of your business, Alex, but if you must know, Captain Hedlund was going over everything with me for my testimony in Allen’s court case.”

“Allen?” The name elicited a deep seated hatred from inside of me. “You’re not going to relive that bullshit. Why the fuck are they trying him? He’s fucking guilty. Castrate his ass and lock him up.”

“Alex, get a grip. He’s got a court-martial coming up and they need me to testify. It’s not the end of the world.”

“Cassie, having to drudge up all of that shit is like the end of the world. That motherfucker scarred you. Why the fuck would they want to put you through that again?”

“To get justice, Alex, and I’m all for it. He may have scarred me physically, but I think it’s you who he got mentally.”

LCpl. Nelson walked over and tapped my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Sgt. Cruz, but Captain Hedlund says he needs to see you right now.” Her expression had softened, but I could feel the tension between her and Cassie. I smelled estrogen flowing between these two, both looking to stake their claim. I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me smile for a second because at least then I knew that Cassie was still mine. I just had to make her realize it.

“Coming right now.”

I turned back to Cassie and took her hand in mine, forgetting about the little sliver of paper that Nelson had slipped into it earlier. She immediately felt it and grabbed for it, but I held it tight, not letting go.

“What is that, Alex?” she asked, her gaze was murderous.

“It’s nothing. Anyway, have dinner with me tonight.”

“What’s on that paper?”

She was fiercely pissed, her lips puckered and her eyes stone cold. I had never seen this side of her before, not even when I had previously pissed her off. She reached out and took the paper from my hands, opening it and seeing Nelson’s phone number written inside. A wry smile shaped her lips, and a devilishly wicked laugh escaped her. Her cold green eyes moved from the paper, then up to meet mine.

“Have dinner with Nelson,” she whispered into my ear, close enough for her lips to touch my lobe. “Fuck her ‘til your shit falls off. I’m done.”

“Cassie…” I harshly whispered. She threw her hand up and walked out of the legal building, leaving me standing there. I was fucking fuming. I didn’t want Nelson, didn’t ask for her phone number, and sure as hell wasn’t going to fuck her. If Captain Hedlund weren’t waiting for me, I would have run after Cassie and fixed that fucking attitude of hers, but I’d put it him off long enough.

I stormed past Nelson who was helping someone at the front desk. My knock on Captain Hedlund’s door was more of a bang. It was unintentional, but I was riled up, and not in a good way.

“You needed to see me, sir?”

“Took you fucking long enough, Cruz,” he replied, looking annoyed. “There are a few things that I need you to know before you deploy. One, your promotion to Staff Sergeant that had been revoked had now been reinstated. Your schoolhouse command, without adverse paperwork or a conviction, had no legal bearing to revoke it, and since they chose conviction and did not get it, your promotion stands. Your new command will inform you of your promotion date.”

I’d heard what he said, but I couldn’t even allow it to sink in. I was so pissed off that the thought of promotions or any other bullshit was lost in translation.

“Don’t be so happy about it, Cruz,” he chided, shaking his head at me.

“I’m sorry, sir,” I replied. “I appreciate it.”

“Not my business. I’m just passing along information. The second thing is that we’re going ahead with the court-martial for Pvt. Allen. He is out of the hospital and in the brig. Your testimony may or may not be necessary, and if you are needed, you will be flown back home for it.”

“Why can’t he just plea?”

“He is choosing not to, but that is none of your concern, Sgt. If you are called to testify, you will do so because it will be an order, do you understand that?”

Thoughts of what I walked in on that night flooded my mind. The images were forever burned into my memory, and a flurry of rage burned through my body. I wanted to find Allen and smash his fucking teeth in as I ripped his balls from his body. As far as I was concerned, that demented animal didn’t deserve to breathe.

“Yes, sir,” I answered through clenched teeth.

“Good. Have a safe deployment, Sgt. We’ll be in touch.”

He stood and shook my hand, dismissing me. Some of the office traffic had subsided, but I didn’t care. I marched out of the office, feeling a million times worse than when I had come in. I pulled out my cell phone and called Cassie, only to have it ring twice and go straight to voicemail. She was screening my calls. If I had been of sane mind, I would have left her alone, but sanity went out the window a long fucking time ago, and instead, I hopped into my truck and went to the barracks, parking and making my way up to Cassie’s building.

The workday had come to an end, and I figured she’d be home, so I wanted to catch her off guard before she had a chance to build anything up in preparation for me. When I reached her floor, I spotted her smiling and closing her door, but leaving it slightly ajar as that fucking pencil dick motherfucker from the chow hall stood there, smiling in anticipation of her return. I immediately saw red. I remembered him as Dalton’s friend, but I didn’t remember his name and really didn’t fucking care. Whatever he thought was about to happen was going to be squashed before he could even get his dick up. I would be damned if Cassie had anything to do with any other asshole besides me. I could scare this little shit, and I was certainly about to do it.

“You need something…?” I paused, not recalling his name. He looked at me and smiled, completely disregarding the pissed of look taking over my face.

“It’s Johnson. Lance Corporal. Johnson.”

“That isn’t important. Do you need something here?”

He finally noticed that I wasn’t in the mood for friendly semantics and wiped that shit eating grin from his face. “I’m just waiting for Cassie, Sgt.”

“Well, no need.”

“Um, we have to—”

“Those fucking plans have changed, Lance Corporal. You are no longer needed here,” I angrily bit out. My eyes burned through him with the urge to shove his ass out of there, and he slowly backed away. I watched him leave, then turned back to Cassie’s room. She opened the door as she was putting something into her purse.

“I’m ready now, Andrew…” Our eyes met, and her smile faded. “Where is Andrew?”

“Andrew? I don’t know any fucking Andrew.”

“Where the hell is he, Alex?”

“Who the fuck knows? I need to talk to you,” I growled. I took her hand and pulled her back into her room, closing her door behind me.

“Alex you don’t get to—”

I rushed her and took her in my arms, then crashed my mouth down on hers before she had a chance to finish whatever ridiculous statement she was hoping to say. I knew I had no right to stop her from anything at this point, but that was beside the fucking case. Whether I had the right or not was irrelevant.

I was Alex.

I was going to fucking do it anyway.

Cassie tensed in my arms, but quickly relaxed as her hands held strongly to my head, cementing the kiss. My hand took hold of her hair, tugging roughly as she pushed her tongue further into my mouth. The deliciously sweet vanilla aroma did me in, jolting my dick against her, sending violent sensations throughout my lower half. Cassie tasted of everything sweet, succulent, and refreshing.

I was done with having her dominate me. That shit would never fly. I tugged on her hair, giving myself the space to overtake her. My free hand went straight for her ass, squeezing as I pushed my tongue further into her mouth, lapping up every bit of her. Everything wrong in my world instantly became right. Cassie had that ability to do that me, even with little to no effort. My hand on her ass slid up to her waistband and snuck inside her pants.

Heaven.

She was wearing a skimpy thong, allowing my hand to get a warm feel of her perfectly toned ass cheeks. My cock moved again, aching with the desperate urge to fucking release. I tugged on her pants, pulling them down just enough to expose the top of her ass, when she moaned and released from my hold. She was panting hard, but the look in her eyes was what had me troubled.

“Alex,” she breathed, running her hands over her hair. “What the fuck are we doing?”

“What we should have been doing all along instead of fucking fighting.”

She stepped back and looked at me, looking confused, then laughed. “You’re a piece of work, Cruz.”

“Don’t call me, Cruz. Too fucking formal.”

“Whatever. You don’t get your way, throw a fucking fit, try to start something up with your legal help, then have the audacity to come here and demand shit from me. You are laughable.”

“You weren’t laughing a minute ago when you were down my throat. And anyway, I haven’t started shit with my legal help, but I see you’ve moved on rather nicely.”

“I haven’t moved on to anyone. I was—”

“I don’t care to hear the explanation, Cassie. The fact of the matter is that little shit ran as soon as I barked, so I highly doubt he’s what you need.” I inched closer to her, slowly closing the gap. “We’ve got our shit to deal with, yes, but we aren’t fucking done. Not by a long shot.”

“I don’t think that’s your call to make, Alex.”

“I don’t have to make that call,” I said, completely eliminating the gap. I put my lips to her ear and felt her exhale. “Your body tells me everything I need to know. It knows me. It wants me. It betrays you for me. Everything else is irrelevant.”

I palmed her pussy through her pants, feeling a rush that I hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever. This was my safe spot, my sanctuary. I knew I had her, but I also needed to remove the lingering fear from my own mind. Baby steps, Alex. Baby steps.

“This is no longer of any use to you,” she said, taking my hand and removing it. “You can’t get back in there.”

“Doubting me, Blondie?” I asked, smiling sardonically. “I think we both know better than that.”

“I don’t know much of anything anymore.”

Her pessimistic attitude was beginning to grate on my nerves. She was playing hardball, and I had to give it to her, she was doing a good job of it. But I played harder, and this was a game that she would not win.

“Well, let me fill you in. This is mine,” I said, cupping her pussy again. “It’s mine, and always will be. I’ve been so far up in there, pounding away so frequently, that my fucking name it etched on your walls. When you come, that’s me, and when you writhe with sensation, that’s me. This is mine, Cassie, and I fucking dare you to tell me otherwise.”

She stood still, lightly exhaling as my fingers began massaging her through her pants. “Alex,” she called in a breathy tone. I intensified the movement of my fingers, feeling her get wet in my hands. Her tits perked and her nipples formed into two solid pebbles, poking through her tight-fitting t-shirt.

I licked my lips, completely turned on by the look of her getting off on my fingers. Cassie was a fucking prize, and I felt so lucky to be the recipient of everything she had to give me.

“What, Blondie?” I asked, moving to her neck and nibbling. “What do you need to say?”

She pulled away, once again panting and rubbing her hands over her face. The temperature in the room had spiked tremendously.

“Alex, we can’t do this. The physical shit is always going to be there, but there is so much more to our relationship.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

“Okay, so tell me how we move forward without fixing everything else.”

“There’s nothing to fix, Blondie.”

“Are you kidding me?” she cried out, erasing that dick jolting look of pleasure from her eyes. “Alex, you ended us. And now you want to come back here because you’re jealous, and for some strange reason feel as if someone is trying to claim your territory, but you aren’t coming one hundred percent.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means you’re withholding.”

“Withholding?” I wasn’t sure what she was getting at, and now she had my interest.

Her green eyes darkened as she turned around and kicked her bed. “When were you going to tell me that you were deploying? When is that happening, huh? You’d think if you were in a relationship with someone, they’d be the first person you told.”

Shit! Fuck! Damn!

How the fuck had she found out? I was going to tell her, but with everything going on, I wanted to be squared away before throwing that bombshell out and having to deal with the aftermath of it. “Who told you that?”

“You didn’t. So it doesn’t matter who.”

“It does fucking matter, Cassie. Who. Told. You?”

She folded her arms in front of her chest, glaring at me as if she were trying to burn holes through me. “Why didn’t you tell me, Alex?”

“I’m not answering any fucking questions until you answer mine.”

She rolled her eyes but finally relaxed her arms. “That stupid fucking guy in the Admin office.”

“What guy in the Admin office?”

“Vernon! He came and said something to me at the pool, and when I went to pick up my orders, he mentioned you deploying. Castillo and her snide fucking face was there too.”

Anger immediately went off inside of me, spilling out in waves. “Fucking Vernon? I’m going to shut that fucker’s mouth once and for all.”

“Alex, you don’t need any more trouble. I just wish you had been the one to tell me.”

“I had my fucking reasons, but that’s beside the point. It’s not his job, nor is it legal for him to give away orders. If I were a bitch, I’d run up the chain of command, but this problem has been long brewing, and now I’m finally going to handle it. Fucking depraved jarhead style.”

“Alex, no, fuck that. If you want anything with me, you won’t do it. You’ll let it go, and move on.”

“Don’t throw those silly ass ultimatums out at me, Blondie. He’s been a thorn in my side for far too long, and now this limp dick is meddling where you are concerned. If people want to come after me, bring it the fuck on, but where you are concerned, that shit is off limits. He’s thrown himself into it, and I’m going to fucking help get out of it.”

I took out my phone and texted Castillo, asking where she was and if she knew where Vernon could be found. Cassie was afraid that the charges I had just beat would come knocking at my doorstep again, but I wanted to beat this fucking idiot to a bloody pulp. Everything that had built up to this moment went beyond a couple of words that he’d spilled to Cassie. This was years in the making.

“Look, I’ll call you later. I have to go and find this asshole.”

“You’re taking me with you.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. If you think I’m going to sit in here and let you go fuck yourself, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“Don’t you want me to go and fuck myself? I’ve been given those orders a couple of times now.”

She smiled, laughing off my sarcasm. “Shut up, Cruz. Take me with you, or you stay here. Either way, I’m not letting you go like this.”

I reached out for her and took her hand, kissing her perfectly pout lips. “Then let’s go, Blondie because I’ve got a fucking issue that needs to be rectified, and I’m not missing out on my opportunity.”

Chapter 14

Cassie

Alex drove over to the gym, but stayed in the truck after he’d texted Castillo to let her know he’d arrived. I wasn’t exactly sure what he had up his sleeve, but the look in his eye was downright murderous, and if the people who he had in his crosshairs weren’t two people who I wholeheartedly despised, I would have feared for them.

“What are we doing here?” I asked, hoping to get a bit of clarity.

Alex looked over at me with snake-like eyes—deep slits that held in a bucket full of sinister thoughts. Whatever he was up to wasn’t good. I could feel it down in my bones, and I suddenly felt sick for coming with him. As badly as I wanted to be by his side, I didn’t want to thrust myself into another shit-storm.

“There she is,” he mumbled, hurrying out of his seatbelt and out of the truck.

I watched as Castillo came strolling out of the gym with her hair thrown up into a messy bun, and wearing tight shorts and a tight-fitting workout top. Her smile was one of excitement, but as soon as she got a glimpse of Alex’s face, that smile faded—fast.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, slowing her stride.

“Where is Vernon?”

The tone in Alex’s words sent shivers down my spine. Castillo’s eyes searched Alex, then landed on me in the truck. She narrowed them in my direction, then pouted her lips and went back to Alex.

“He just left,” she snidely answered.

“That’s a fucking lie, Leti. Where the fuck is he?”

“I don’t need to lie, Alex. He just left.”

“If you knew I was looking for him, why didn’t you let me know?”

They stood glaring at one another before Castillo finally broke the silence. “I’m not his keeper, Alex. You wanted to know where he was, and I told you. Now—”

“Don’t get fucking condescending with me, Leti. I don’t know what the fuck kind of game you’re playing, but I’m not playing with you. I need to see that asshole, and you have no fucking reason to protect him unless you’re back to fucking him.”

Before I even realized what happened, Castillo’s hand came solid across Alex’s face. Without even thinking, I jumped out of the truck and ran around to where they were standing, then pushed her away. I was ready to break her fucking face if it came to that.

“Don’t you ever put your hands on him again!” I yelled. My chest rapidly moved up and down as adrenaline coursed through my veins. I had half a mind to give her the same treatment that she had just given Alex, but we were still on base, and she still outranked me.

Alex stepped in front of me. “Cassie, get back in the truck,” he seethed. His body was tight and rigid, sending the signal that he was pissed and not to be challenged at the moment.

I turned and hopped in the truck, closing the door behind me. Alex and Castillo’s voices lowered, but their expressions and body language never wavered. I could tell that Alex was working overtime to reign in a boiling volcano that was threatening to erupt. The base was still quite populated, and people were coming and going from the gym, so blowing up and causing a spectacle would only make matters worse.

“Look, Alex. I’m not protecting him. Ever since you allowed her to get her claws into you, you’ve turned into someone I barely even recognize anymore. You—”

“I’m done with this fucking conversation, Leti. The last time I checked, you were the last person I owe anything to. I’m putting you on notice. When I find him, his ass is grass. And if you’re still rolling around with him—”

“Alex—”

“Have a great fucking night.”

Alex situated himself in his seat after slamming his truck door shut. His rage was brewing, but he had done a decent job of holding it in. I wasn’t sure what I should say to him…if I should say anything at all, or simply allow the tension filled silence to continue to fester.

He pulled out of the stall and we drove…

And drove…

And drove…

Staring out the window and eyeing the signs showing Yucca Valley, I knew where we were headed. The remote rock post in the middle of the desert had symbolically become our spot. Alex had brought me here the night before he’d left for Florida, further cementing the relationship that should have never been between us. With a heavy sigh, Alex parked in our spot.

He laid against the headrest as the truck idled. “I’m going to fucking murder Vernon,” he mumbled. His eyes were shut, but the venom in his tone laid out nothing but malice.

I reached over and rubbed his hand. He turned his head and looked into my eyes. His face never softened, but his honey-hued eyes glowed, indicating that he was somewhat relaxed.

“Alex, Vernon isn’t really that big of a deal at this point. Who cares what he had to say?”

“I care, Cassie. He’s a fucking pussy. He’s butt hurt from shit that happened long ago, and he’s being a little bitch about trying to get back at me. I’ll fucking destroy that guy if he thinks he’s getting one over on me.”

He was itching for a fight, and I wasn’t in the mood to give it to him, so I sat quietly, never giving in to the voice in my head telling me to point out the ridiculous amount of bravado that had him looking like a class-A jackass.

Before long, he was out of the truck and over to my side, opening the door and helping me out. We walked around to the back where Alex lowered the tailgate, then helped me up before sitting next to me.

“What the fuck has happened to us, Blondie? A couple of weeks ago, no one could have told me that we’d be where we are right now. No one.”

Shaking my head, I allowed his words to sink in. Things seemed to go from bad to worse after the attack. Alex loved hard and with everything he had, and at times it seemed that love clouded his better judgment. Even with the shit storm raining down on us, I’d thought we were strong enough as a unit to withstand it all, but the best of Alex was his ego, and it had gotten to him in the worst way.

“You happened to us, Alex. You and the machismo that lies inside of you.”

He eyed me like a wolf ready to attack its prey. There was a trace of playfulness behind those mesmerizing orbs, though he never allowed it to come to the forefront.

“Cassie, you and I both know it’s a little more than that.”

“You think it is more than that, but I know differently. I think all of this stems from your persistence—“

“A persistence that you once seemed to enjoy.’

“A persistence that I still enjoy. But it’s morphed into something more. It’s turned into an obsession. An obsession that doesn’t allow you to see straight. An obsession that doesn’t allow you to think straight. And certainly an obsession that doesn’t allow you to make sound choices. You’ve flipped, Alex, and that’s what’s brought us here.”

The night air, still heavy and hot, loomed between us. I could tell my words were striking a chord, but Alex was unpredictable, and I really didn’t know what was coming next.

I felt the warmth of his hand on my face as he held my cheek and turned me to face him. “You call it obsession, I call it passion,” he rasped, just close enough to my lips, so I could feel his breath on my face.

“I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. You’ve become a part of me. A part that sometimes hurts to love. You drive me fucking crazy. I can’t be with you, but I certainly can’t fucking be without you. So yes, maybe it is obsession, or maybe it’s madness. Whatever the fuck it is, Blondie, it’s us, and after everything that we’ve been through, we need to get back to it because it’s our lifeline. And we both know that regardless of bravado, machismo, stubbornness, or whatever fancy fucking words you want to give it, it’s what we need to survive.”

My body heated with his words. Passion, flares of fire and smoke emanated from Alex as he tightened his grip on me and worked his lips slowly over mine. The lust between us was raging wild at the moment. All of my earlier inclinations to make Alex see the error of his ways had diminished.

“We’ll butt heads all day long, Blondie, but at the end of the day, we both know we aren’t strong enough to stay away from one another.”

Before I could counter his assertions, his tongue was out, tracing the outer lining of my lips, snapping the synapses of every nerve in my body. I felt myself go limp as he worked that deliciously sensual tongue down to my neck, then back up to my mouth where he wasted no time invading my mouth. I put up no fight, simply allowing him in and indulging in the sweet, intoxicating feel of Alex inside of me. He gently laid me down in the bed of the truck, working his dexterous fingers over my breasts as he continued massaging his sultry tongue over mine.

His fingertips caressed my breasts, then snaked down my torso, pushing my shirt up and exposing me to the warm, night air. His tongue dipped further, leaving no parts of my mouth untouched, owning me and relishing the feel of my submission. My body squirmed beneath him, prompting his hand to grab hold of me, holding me in place while he continued his oral assault on my mouth.

Alex finally left my mouth, running soft kisses down my neck, over to my collarbone, then down to my breasts. Small, sting inducing tugs were made as he grabbed hold with his teeth, eliciting a feel of pain mixed with intense bursts of pleasure. I gasped, the feeling consuming me as Alex continued working me into a state of nothingness.

With a quick pause, Alex worked my shirt over my head and hurriedly removed my bra, sending my breasts springing to life with rock solid nipples aching for his touch. Alex pulled back, our eyes meeting and sticking like glue as he ran the tongue that had successfully broken me down over his bottom lip. He laid me back down in the bed of the truck, and his tongue was once again front and center, sending my chest heaving, my breaths ragged, and my hands through his hair. He ran his tongue down the middle of my chest, down to my belly button, then stopped at the hem of my pants. His laugh was haunting as he worked his fingers inside the hem and looked up at me.

“These seem to be in the way,” he commented in a rather condescending manner.

I wanted to rip them off for him and allow him to follow through with whatever plan it was that he had for me, but a glimpse into our previous encounters hit me like lightening, sending the fear of rejection coursing through me. I stopped him, wide eyed and breathing heavily, afraid of what might happen next. As badly as I wanted him, I had been sexually shunned by him and it had taken a toll on me.

“Alex, I can’t handle this,” I breathed, trying to gain control of myself.

His eyes darkened as he took in my flustered state, and he smiled, confusing me much like he always did. “Can’t handle what? I’d say you were handling things just fine.”

“You know what I mean, Alex,” I said, motioning down to where his hand rested inside the hem of my pants.

That cavalier smile that he possessed came back, and he worked his hands further into my pants and began tugging them downward. “Baby steps, Blondie. I’ve asked you to bear with me. I’m working on it… baby steps.”

Alex was certainly an enigma, but I didn’t have long to think about it before he was off the bed of the truck and pulling my pants down. A spark went off in his eyes and his smile turned sinister.

“Either this is for me, or I need to fucking kill someone,” he growled.

“Just wanted to be free.”

“I can fucking see that,” he quickly retorted, looking down at the nakedness between my legs.

Alex grabbed firmly onto my thighs as he dropped to his knees, kissed his way up my legs, over and around my thighs, then stopped at my core. One hand worked underneath me and squeezed my ass as he continued to breathe into me. I needed him badly, but I wanted to let him work his way through it. If we were going to move forward, this was going to be a big part of that process.

Tingles went off inside of me as I placed my fingers on my clit and began massaging. A light moan escaped me, catching Alex’s attention. He pulled my hand away, kissing it as he placed it back down beside me.

“Baby steps, Blondie. My baby steps,” he whispered, then replaced my fingers over my clit with his own and rubbed, sending my body into an instant state of euphoria.

His fingers gently circled my clit, just enough to leave me speechless while only allowing lustful breaths to leave my body. I could feel the build-up coming when the distinct feel of a wet finger slipped into me, followed by another, and my body curled up beneath him.

“You’re so fucking wet, Blondie. I can’t wait to slurp you up.”

His fingers continued to work in and out, moving a tortuously slow pace that left me near tears as the need to come all over him was beginning to torture my soul. His fingers worked my core while his thumb continued the massage of my clit. My body had been deprived for far too long, and the feel of what Alex was doing to it was beginning to make me come undone.

“You better not come,” he warned. “I’ll punish that ass if you do.”

His words sent a chill down my spine. I knew he would make good on the threat, but a part of me almost wanted to test it just to see how far and how creative he would get with his punishment. My mind didn’t have much time to process the thoughts as the thickness of Alex’s tongue invaded my core, sending me jolting as he continued to hold me down firmly.

Soft, strokes of his tongues filled me as his thumb continued to caress my clit. Those earlier tingles now turned into sharp bursts as they went off inside of me. I could feel the orgasm beginning to rise, and my legs went numb as Alex picked up the pace.

Slurping and lapping.

Twisting and turning.

Sucking and tugging.

My body began to convulse violently as thick, creamy spurts erupted from inside of me and onto Alex. He continued to lick, suck, and rub away until he milked me dry.

I stared at the star-filled night sky as I tried to catch my breath and bring feeling back into my lower extremities. He slowed his movements, took a couple more sucks, then stood from his position.

“Are you okay with baby steps?” he asked, smiling at me as he licked the remnants of me away. “I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to.”

I smiled back. The sated feeling overtook me, and I relished it, even if it was only his tongue and fingers instead of his cock.

“I like the idea of baby steps because I’ll get to enjoy getting to know your body all over again,” Alex said. “And you best believe I am going to explore every inch of this treasure.”

He helped me to my feet, then leaned down and pulled my pants back up. I reached behind me for my shirt after clasping my bra, then turned and was surprisingly met with Alex’s warm mouth. He kissed me hard and fierce, extending his tongue deep into my mouth with vigor. He finally pulled away, rubbing the back of his hand over the side of my face.

“It’s been a while. And I thought I would share my favorite taste with you since it’s not something you have access to on your own,” he remarked, smiling while showing off his perfect set of pearly whites. “I want you to stay with me tonight because I’ll be gone all weekend.”

“Gone? Where are you going?”

“I have to go back to Santa Ana. This next week is going to be crazy, and I leave for Iraq next Saturday, so I’m going to spend time with my family before I go.”

I stood quietly, completely understanding, but feeling the sting of our situation once again. Before all of the shit that had crash landed at our feet, there would have been no question about me tagging along. But now…now I was an after-thought, and for good reason, but it didn’t make the blaring realization any less painful.

“You’re quiet. What’s going on in there?” Alex asked, gently poking at my head.

“Nothing. Let’s just go. I’m ready for a warm shower and bed,” I replied, walking back to the passenger side of the truck. Alex stopped me just before I could open the door.

“Cassie, you need to start talking right the fuck now.”

“There’s nothing to say, Alex. Let’s go back to your place so we can get some sleep.”

He stood back, then took me by the hand and led me away from the truck. “We’re not going anywhere until you start talking. I’ll keep us out here all night if I have to.”

I was beginning to fume, but didn’t want to show it. As it was, Alex could already tell that something was wrong, but I didn’t want my pissiness to ruin our perfectly good evening.

“Cassie—”

“Alex, stop. Wake the hell up. Look at what we have become. We’re still hiding, even though we’ve come out. We’ve gone from one dark closet to the other.”

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I’m not fucking hiding. We’re out, we have every right to be, and that’s how we’ll continue to be.”

“Oh yeah? Then why am I not going with you?”

His eyes narrowed as he stared into my eyes. “Is this what this is about? You’re mad because I’m going off to see my family without you? Do I need to remind you about the last gathering we all had?”

“No, you don’t!” I shouted, finally allowing the frustration to erupt. “You do not need to remind me of the heinous time I had with your family and what it led to. I just want you to fucking realize that everything isn’t peachy keen or rosy as you want to believe. There is a large part of your life that I have to stay away from, much like when I had to hide out from the Marine Corps, only now it’s your family. This is no way to have a relationship, Alex. That’s all I want you to see.”

A flush of red filled Alex’s normally caramel skin as he pouted his lips before stepping closer to me. His eyes, narrowed and dark, impaled me, leaving me no wriggle room to move away from the storm that was brewing inside of him.

“There isn’t much that you can say to offend me, Cassie, but insinuating that I am hiding you, keeping you away from my family as if I’m afraid or ashamed of you definitely hit the fucking spot. This bullshit with my family is nothing like the Corps, and regardless of what they may think, I’m going to do whatever it is I want to do because that’s who I am and I don’t give two shits about who doesn’t like it.

“You want to know why I’m running off without you as you say? I’m doing it because the last time I had you all in a room, goddamned World War Three almost broke loose. I don’t need any more bullshit before I go and step into a battle zone that I may not return home from. So before you accuse me of trying to hide you, remember that I’m leaving to go and fight in a war, and I don’t need a precursor before I even get there.”

My heart sped with his morbid explanation. Had I become so jaded by everything that I failed to see the severity of what was happening to us? Alex had actually acknowledged the possibility that he wouldn’t make it home from war, and of all of the emotions swirling around in my head at the moment, fear stood out loud and clear. A tear fell down my cheek as I stood, looking into the eyes of the man that I loved but felt so many different emotions for.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” I croaked, my words lodged in my throat.

“I don’t want your apology, Cassie. I want you to wake up and see that you are the most important thing in my life, and your insinuation that I would be hiding you cuts fucking deep. I’m goddamned lucky to have you, and the world needs to know it, but I don’t want to subject you to any more bullshit where my family is concerned.”

“I know. I…I just got caught up in everything.”

“Everything like what?”

He wasn’t going to let this go, and I could tell this was about to open up another can of worms that we really didn’t need right now.

“Cassie…”

“Just everything, Alex. We had to break up before you realized what you were doing to us. Your family, our baby steps…everything. And now you say you might not make it home. I never want to hear you say that again.”

“It’s a fucking possibility, Cassie. We’re Marines.”

“Right. But if it were me going out there and I said that, would you be okay with it?”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

He sighed an exasperated sigh. “It just is.”

“Why? Because I’m a female? Because I won’t be on the front lines kicking in doors like you and the boys? I’m a Marine too, Alex. I’ll carry that same M-16 when I get out there, and I’ll have the same possibility…maybe not probability, but the possibility, yes.”

“Just fucking stop. You’re trying to pick fights now. We didn’t goddamn break up, we took a break. My family is a massive headache for both of us, but it’s something we’ll deal with together when the time is right. And the baby steps are necessary. I expect you to understand that.”

“A break? Alex, we’re not fifteen. We were engaged. We don’t take breaks.”

“So what would you call us right now? Because while I had my head up my ass, you said you still wanted to marry me, just not right now. So which is it?”

“You’re being an asshole right now. You don’t get to end things, and then turn them around on me. You don’t get to fucking do that.”

“Answer the question, Cassie.”

I stood glaring at him, completely unnerved at the fact that he had thrown a schoolboy temper tantrum when I put the wedding on hold, and now, weeks later, he was insinuating that it was me who put the kibosh on us.

“You tell me,” I replied, folding my arms in front of my chest.

He sighed again, then rubbed his hand over his head. “This is fucking stupid. We’re standing out in the middle of the desert, fighting over stupid shit after I just gave you the orgasm of your life. We should be basking in all of that, but instead, you’re picking fights over nothing.”

“That’s not an answer, Alex.”

“You want an answer? Here’s your goddamned answer. You’re still mine!” he yelled. His breathing escalated as he moved closer to me. “You’ve always been mine, even when I was a stupid prick and allowed my ego to get the best of me. You’re mine, Cassie. I didn’t let you go, and I’m not letting you go, so punish me… kick my ass, berate me. Do whatever you have to do to make yourself realize that I fuck up… a lot, and I more than likely will fuck up again. But at the root of all of it is you and this insane amount of love that I have for you. It drives me to do really stupid, irrational fucking shit, and I need to get it under control, but until I do, just know that not having you is not an option. So there is your answer. You’re fucking mine. And whether it’s tomorrow or months from now, I’m going to slip a ring on that beautiful little finger, and I’m going to prove it to you. Until then—”

“I’m yours,” I said, completing his sentence.

Alex took me in his arms, encasing me in his solid frame. His intoxicating aroma infiltrated my senses, making me hold tight to him as another tear slid down my cheek. There were times when I knew he was all I needed to get by, and then there were those times when I wondered if I deserved him… if he deserved me… if we deserved one another.

I pulled back, staring into sun glazed eyes that seemed to grow brighter with every passing minute. “You’re a stupid, selfish prick. You think about yourself far too much, and you’re a loose fucking cannon!” I yelled back, startling him. “But at the end of all of that, your craziness has become a part of what I crave.”

His face softened, a wry smile spreading across his lips.

“And don’t fucking smile at me, Cruz. You’re an idiotic child when things don’t go your way, and I hate you for it.”

“But when we make up, you love me for it,” he threw in, then kissed me passionately.

I reveled in the kiss, then pulled away and went back at him. “You need to be taught a few things about how to survive in relationships because we are so damn far in here that failure might kill us. It’s time that you learn to—”

“Compromise! I know. I see now that I need to fix a whole lot of shit to make and keep you happy. I’m willing to do it. But like I said, I’m going to fuck up. It’s in my nature.”

“I’ll call you on your bullshit.”

“Every time, Blondie. Every fucking time.”

Alex took my hand and led me over to the truck. We drove off into the night, windows down, blaring Disturbed’s Land of Confusion. We were two confused people all right. Two people who were so utterly infatuated with the other that hurting one another was just another side effect of our predicament. I knew it wouldn’t be simple to walk away from him, and the masochist inside of me wouldn’t let it happen anyway. I knew that we’d find our way back to one another, although the timing was a surprise.

I needed him like an addict needed her drug. I knew that if we crashed and burned it would be the end of me, but I wouldn’t allow myself to go there. We were on good terms, us against the world, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Chapter 15

Alex

I still wasn’t sure how in the world I deserved to have Cassie in my life, but she was there, smart ass mouth and all. I’d been a dick, a stupid prick, yet somehow she had enough room in her heart to welcome me back. I had nothing to do but grow from here, and grow I intended to do.

I had to hit the road early the next morning, leaving to head off to Santa Ana to see my family for the day before shipping out. Dropping Cassie off at her barracks room and seeing the sadness on her face as I kissed her goodbye tugged at me a little, but the last thing I wanted was to have a repeat of the last time she’d been around my family. I wasn’t exactly sure what I’d be walking into when I got there, but I didn’t really give two shits either. It had taken every ounce of self-control that I didn’t even know I had to walk out of that house without completely losing all manners that had been instilled in me.

It hurt more than anything to see my family, the people who were supposed to love me more than anyone else, turn on me the way they had. Regardless of the fact, there was no way I would be leaving without seeing them. They still held a huge part of me and anything else wouldn’t have felt right.

Pulling up in front of my mom’s house, a sudden wave of anxiety coursed over me. I had spoken to my mom and Adriana over the phone, but my grandma refused to speak to me, and in my stubbornness I’d refused to push the issue. It was where we were identical—lost in our own worlds, and always trying to keep the upper hand.

I rang the doorbell. Usually I walked right in, but right now it didn’t feel natural. My mom opened the door, smiling and pulling me in for a hug without saying a word. Adriana was right behind her with Abel in her hands. She took me in with her free hand as she balanced him on her hip. We stood holding on to one another, never muttering a word, when Abel finally broke the moment.

“Hola, Nino!”

“Hey, little dude,” I responded, taking him from Adriana and kissing him on the forehead.

“My mama made you enchiladas, Nino.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re hungry, Alejando. Let’s get some food in you,” my mom remarked, wiping a couple of tears away.

I’d expected our encounter to be a bit awkward, but I hadn’t expected the tears that were streaking down her face. After an extended stare, she finally took Abel and walked into the kitchen. Adriana tugged my arm, signaling for me to stay behind with her.

“What’s up?”

“Where’s Cassie?”

“Are you serious? Why would I bring Cassie here?”

“Because she’s your woman, Alex. Because if she’s going to be a part of this family, then you two have to face everything head on.”

I laughed for a minute, shocked to hear these words coming out of my sister’s mouth.

“Why are you laughing? Are you two no longer together?”

“We’re together, Adriana. I just didn’t think I’d be getting lectured by you.”

“Well, it sounds as if you need it. Tucking Cassie away isn’t going to help things here.”

“Adriana! Alejandro! Come, we’re ready to eat,” my mom yelled, halting our conversation.

Adriana put her finger to my face and whispered, “I’m not finished with you,” before pulling me into the kitchen for some of her famous enchiladas.

My grandmother was seated at the table playing with Abel when I walked in. She looked much better than the last time I saw her, but sadly, her icy demeanor hadn’t thawed in the least bit. That barren gaze that landed on me when she looked up struck me where I stood. We had never experienced such cold awkwardness, and it was as if two strangers had invaded our bodies and were acting out accordingly. This was in no way the grandmother and grandson who were so inseparable that people mistook us for mother and son.

Before I allowed the moment to take complete control, I walked over to where she sat and placed a light kiss on the top of her head, then took my seat at the table across from her. Heavy exhales were heard around the table as we each sat, wondering what to do next. Finally, my mom broke the silence with a question that was sure to rattle some nerves.

“So, Alejandro, why are you deploying? I thought you were in a unit where that didn’t happen.”

Adriana gave a look across the table, but there was no point; this meal was destined to be awkward, so I went ahead and embraced it.

“Due to my relationship with Cassie, I am no longer with that unit.”

“So you get punished? And now you go to a war where you can die? Because of that girl?” my grandma asked, disgust plastered across her face.

“No, Abuelita,” I answered tersely, trying to keep my temper in line. “I made the choice to be with her, and losing my instructor position was the consequence.”

She dropped her fork and shook her head as she mumbled something under her breath. Abel sat staring at me, breaking my heart as I watched sadness fill his face. He was normally such a happy little boy, and even though he had no idea what was going on, he could sense the tense atmosphere, and it wasn’t boding well for him.

“Anyway,” Adriana interrupted, “Cassie is a part of Alex’s life so you might as get used to it, Abuelita.”

“Then where is she? Why she didn’t come with you today?” she asked, her face scrunched tightly.

“Because of this,” Adriana shouted, losing her composure. “Look at you. Look at the way you treated her the last time she was here.”

“That’s enough, Adriana,” my mother scolded.

“No, someone needs to speak up. Alex is a big boy. He isn’t your little mijo anymore. He’s a man who fell in love with someone, and the military told him it wasn’t okay to fall in love with her. Well, too bad because we all know men think with their penises, and his spoke up for him—”

“Adriana!”

“No, Mama. Let’s be real. Alex didn’t bring Cassie because you two treated her like shit. He made his bed, and now he’s lying in it. Stop fucking blaming Cassie.”

I was shocked. I had never heard Adriana speak so blatantly to my mom or my grandmother before. Abel stopped chewing and stared at his mom. I had no idea that in her brief interactions with Cassie she had grown so fond of her. Or maybe it was me. Maybe it was the fact that she loved me enough to want to see me happy. Either way, I had to admit that hearing her made me smile a little. I could bitch out just about anyone, but the last time I’d erupted on my mom and grandmother I was sickened and disgusted with myself, even if it were warranted.

The same awkward silence that seemed to be a staple with us now was back and looming large. Abel broke the silence by asking questions about me going to fight the bad guys, and if I would bring him something when I got back. I promised him I would. It amazed me how quickly that little guy could thaw the frozen tundra that seemed to settle over us.

After eating, we took Abel to the park and watched him run around and exert some of that toddler energy. My grandmother stayed behind, claiming she was tired. I wasn’t sure if that were the truth or not, but I didn’t argue with her.

I spent a good amount of time talking to my mom about Cassie, and my relationship with her. She apologized for the way she had behaved the last time Cassie was around. If only I could get my grandma to do the same, but I knew better than most that she was a stubborn old woman, and her fucking pride and ego were bigger than mine by a long shot.

When it was time for me to go, Adriana packed some leftovers for me, instructing me to make sure that Cassie got a taste of her enchiladas. I gave her a hard time, pretending I was feeling sick, but took them and promised to do just that.

My mom hugged me and kissed me as if it were the last time she would ever see me, and tears streamed down her eyes as she spoke through loud sobs and sniffles. “You bring your ass back home to us, Alejandro. You do what you have to do, and you come back.”

“Yes, Mama,” I replied with a smile, hoping that my lack of fear would assuage hers. She buried her head into my chest and cried harder, prompting me to hold her head and whisper how everything would be okay and that I would be back before she knew it.

She held me tight for a few minutes longer. I could feel her pain. I had felt it before, but just like every other time, I promised her that I had the world’s best training, and I would be with guys that held the same mindset. After kissing her head a couple of times, she finally let go.

Adriana walked Abel over, and I knelt down to his level. He threw his arms around my neck, and held on tight as he whispered, “I love you, Nino.”

A tear stung my eye, but I held it back. No one in this world could break me down, yet Cassie and Abel seemed to have that power. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry.

“I love you, too, little dude. Take care of your mama for me, okay?”

He nodded his head, then took off for his room. Adriana came up and nudged me in the gut. “I’ll see you Friday, party boy.”

“Yep, don’t be late.”

My grandmother was last. It was hard looking at her cold, hurt-filled eyes. In her mind, if I had avoided Cassie, I wouldn’t be going off to a war where many of my brothers were dying. I couldn’t help what happened, and I certainly couldn’t help the way she felt, but I didn’t see this as a punishment. I saw it as just another notch in my Marine Corps belt—a way to mark my journey, regardless of how I had gotten there.

I held out my arms for her and she stepped in, wrapping her arms around my midsection. “I will miss you, Alejandro,” she whispered. “I hate you going. Come back to me.”

I swallowed hard, then exhaled harshly. The hurt in her voice was undeniable, and it was slowly fucking killing me. I didn’t want to leave feeling guilty, but she was making it happen. I wanted to leave with the love and support of my family, and I could see she was trying, but even she couldn’t overcome the anger boiled up inside of her.

“I’m coming back, Abuelita. I always do.”

Tears slid down her face and moistened my shirt. It had been years since I’d seen my grandmother cry, and her tears were like shackles around my heart, constricting it and keeping it from beating. The tears were threatening again for me, but the last thing I wanted to do was turn this goodbye into a tear fest.

“I have to get going. I’ll make sure to call before I leave, and then again once I’ve arrived in Kuwait.”

“You better,” my mom cried, her face now beet red from the tears that raced down her cheeks. She ran up and wrapped her arms around me again, pulling my head down and kissing me a few times. “I love you, mijo. Be safe.”

I nodded my head, then turned for the door. They followed me out, waving and wishing me well. I didn’t remember my other deployment farewells being so goddamned emotional, but things were different this time. This time my grandmother, and I suspected my mom as well, viewed this as a punishment, something that could have been avoided. And in all actuality, it could have been avoided, but I wanted what I wanted and I got it, damn the consequences that may have followed.

As I drove away, I looked in the rearview mirror at the three women in my life who had always meant the most to me. They were crying and hugging together in a circle. It hurt like hell to see that sight, but I couldn’t focus on it. I had a long drive home.

I turned the music up and blasted the sadness out of my truck. I had to keep reminding myself that it was only temporary and that I would see them again.

++++

Cassie was waiting for me when I returned that evening. She wasn’t feeling well, and had a slight fever, so I took her back to my house, pampering her and making sure to keep her comfortable. Riley and Nat were gone for the weekend which meant I could have a quiet house for Cassie to rest in.

I gave her the run down about my visit, which made her cringe at certain parts, and the more she listened to it, the more she agreed that it was best that she didn’t go. Although my mom apologized for the way she had treated Cassie, my grandmother was still rude as fuck whenever her name was mentioned, and I just didn’t want to have a repeat of what happened the first time.

After soup, a bath and a massage, Cassie fell asleep in my arms on the couch, and that was where we stayed for the rest of the night.

++++

The following week went by in a blaze. I was so busy throughout the day with briefings and running from office to office that I didn’t have time for anything else. I rarely saw Cassie throughout the day, and only had time for her at night when we were both bone tired and ready to pass out, but as long as she was in my arms at night, that was all I really cared about.

I knew that, on Saturday afternoon, I’d be on an airplane headed to a fucking place that most people couldn’t even fathom setting foot in. I knew the hell that was awaiting me, but I didn’t want to focus on that. I wanted to focus on the kick ass party that Riley had set up for me, and I wanted to get trashed. I wanted to get abso-fucking-lutely shitfaced with my boys, and put the bullshit of the next few months behind me.

Friday came roaring in before I’d realized it. Master Sergeant Finny gave those of us who were deploying the day off, wishing us well and bidding us good luck. He was a no nonsense kind of man who never smiled and never showed emotion, but I liked him. He reminded me a lot of myself, and I could see myself becoming him if I stayed in long enough.

That afternoon, Adriana drove out, leaving Abel behind for the night, and I was glad to see her. In the midst of the utter fucking turmoil that was going on back home, she had been the one who had remained in my corner, going to bat for Cassie when she needed to. It had been too long since I’d partied with my sister, and I was ready to let loose and just have a good time.

Riley had a fucking liquor store delivered to the house—three kegs and enough hard liquor to put a battalion out on their asses. He knew how to throw a party, so I didn’t say anything, but reminded him that I had a plane to catch the following day. He brushed that off and said I could sleep on the plane—that he was going to be sending me off the right way.

Thankfully, I lived in the middle of the damn desert, and there wasn’t another house around within earshot. The DJ Riley hired was spinning all of the latest hip hop songs, loud enough to blow my fucking ears out, but it set the mood.

It reminded me of the night I met Cassie at Coyotes. I still remembered her intoxicatingly beautiful eyes, those long legs, and that sweet smell. Cassie whipped me that night, and I’d been wrapped around her fucking finger ever since. The reality that I’d be leaving her the next day hit hard and made me want to focus elsewhere.

The house began to fill up as I was getting in the shower. Adriana helped Nat welcome everyone in, making sure drinks were filled. I hurried along in the shower, throwing on a pair of khaki shorts and a basic t-shirt before making my way out into the crowded confines of my home. It felt good to see so many people coming out to chill, have a drink, and see me off. There were people who I hadn’t seen in months, but they were welcomed.

Cassie finally showed up with Dalton. The black, lace shorts she wore showed off her sun-kissed legs just perfectly, hugging her firm ass just right. She paired them with a red tank top, flanking her ample tits and showing off a little too much of what I deemed mine. She spotted me, and made her way over, but was cut off by an overly excited and equally fucking annoying Adriana. Her school girl, cheerleader type of reception was enough to grate anyone’s nerves.

“Cassie, oh my god! I feel like it’s been forever! You look hot. How are you?”

“I’m great, Adriana, thanks. You look great too.”

Adriana was wearing a tight-fitting black dress, and I fucking hated it. It showed off way too much, but she was grown and made sure to remind me of that when I told her the dress didn’t cover enough. I was losing on every front with the women in my life.

I snaked my arm around Cassie’s middle, placing my lips on her neck and kissing her softly.

“Ugh! Alex, you can totally wait for all of that shit,” Adriana whined.

“And you can let me have my girlfriend. I’m going to be without her, remember?”

She rolled her eyes, then turned her attention back to Cassie. “It’s good to see you, Cassie. We’ll catch up once Alex gets drunk, and you’re free.” She winked before turning and strutting off in four inch fucking heels. How females walked in that shit, I would never understand.

A while later, Riley and Smith challenged a few people to a beer pong tournament. It wasn’t the smartest thing I had done, considering I had already drunk four or five Jack and Cokes—heavy on the Jack, light on the Coke. Cassie kept trying to get me to slow down, but it was to no avail. I was in my element, the drinks were flowing, and it was my last night of freedom for what felt like a long fucking time.

Nat went behind the turntables and played with the records as the DJ played Nelly’s Grillz. Riley took a gum wrapper and folded it up, fitting it to the top row of his teeth and pretending he had the grill that they sang about in the song. He was probably about as drunk as I was, so it didn’t come off as ridiculous to me. In fact, I found it downright comedic and followed suit, much to Cassie’s embarrassment.

“To our motherfucking brother. May you kick some insurgent ass and bring your ass back home, safe and sound!” Riley yelled above the crowd.

Mass “oorahs” filled the house, beer bottles clinking in unison. I drank the last of whatever was in my cup. I was to the point where I had no clue what I was drinking anymore. I had reached that level where everything ran together, and it all tasted the same. The more drunk that I got, the looser that I felt.

Smith asked for Garth Brooks’ Friends in Low Places, then handed me a microphone and sang along with me as we both drunkenly slurred our way through the words. Adriana, Cassie, and Nat filled the room with “boos.” It was all in good fun until Jensen strolled in with Newsome and Castillo by his side.

My eyes fixed on the three of them, and while I really had no problems with Newsome, he was with two people who I couldn’t imagine having around me at the moment, and I wondered why the hell they would show up anyway.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I growled, storming over to where they stood.

“Damn, Alex. Can’t even properly greet us as we come to say goodbye?” Jensen asked, smirking at me. “Is that Adriana?”

“Don’t worry about my fucking sister. Why are you here? And why the fuck did you bring her with you?”

I looked over to Castillo who looked as if she felt the wrath of my greeting. She had fallen long and hard as far as I was concerned, and I could have gone without seeing her before leaving for some shit that I really didn’t want to see. Jensen waved at Adriana who marched over, throwing her arms around him as he picked her up off the ground. The sight of it all incensed me. I hadn’t filled Adriana in on everything that had gone down between us, but he knew we weren’t on good terms and his little act would do nothing but further piss me off. He placed her back down, and they made small talk right in front of me as if we were done speaking.

“How fucking long do you plan on being here, man?”

“Alex!” Adriana shrieked.

“They aren’t fucking welcome in my house. He knows it, and she damn sure knows it,” I said, lowering my eyes and glaring at Castillo. She shook her head and began to speak, but was cut off by Newsome.

“We just wanted to come and see you off, man. Forget all the bullshit. You’re going where a lot of brothers never make it home from. Chill, man.”

“I can’t fucking chill when I have snakes slithering around me. I don’t know whether to hug these fuckers or watch my back. That’s worse than where I’m going. At least there I know who my enemy is.”

“Alex, we aren’t your enemy!” Castillo shouted above the music. “We care about—”

“Don’t even. Fuck all of you. Every single one of you.”

“What’s your problem, man?” Newsome asked, looking absolutely stunned.

Riley walked up behind me with Cassie and Nat in tow, both cautiously approaching, unaware of what they might be walking in on.

“Jensen is a little bitch, and his side chick, Castillo, is a fucking con. That’s my problem.”

“She hasn’t done shit, Alex. Damn, dude. You are a paranoid fucker. Your shit is out in the open, you and Cassie are a couple, and no one is out to get you. She’s a long-time friend that you did wrong, and if anything, she should be pissed at you.”

Fire was raging inside of me. Not only was Jensen one of the last people that I wanted to be spending my night with, but he was spouting off shit that did nothing but further piss me off. This guy had fucking balls, I’d give him that, but I couldn’t be sure that I wouldn’t forcibly remove him and Castillo if they didn’t turn the fuck around and escort themselves out.

“You must be fucking her. That’s why you’re so protective.”

“Alex!” Cassie yelled, gripping my shoulder.

“No, it’s all good. I don’t care. Sloppy fucking seconds, thirds, whatever you want to call it. I don’t give a shit. Just take her back wherever you came from. And see your asses out, you’re no longer welcome in my fucking house.”

I turned and walked away. Cassie came storming behind me, pulling my arm and turning me around.

“What, Cassie?” I yelled, fueled by rage and mass amounts of alcohol. “I’m done with this shit.”

“Alex, that fucking Vernon guy is here.”

Those words were my undoing.

I charged like a raging bull stuffed with steroids.

I made contact with Vernon as he stood at the front door, and sent both of us hurdling to the floor before he’d had the chance to see me coming. My fist connected with his face over and over again, and he held his hand up, trying desperately to fend off the menacing blows. Every piece of irritation was boiling over, and I could no longer contain it. It needed a release, and he was the target. He was behind so much of my antagonism, and there was no way that I was going to try and stifle what so badly needed to come out.

The alcohol swirled around inside of me, causing me to lose my balance temporarily. It gave Vernon just enough of an edge to push me off of him, sending me barreling to the floor as he stood and adjusted his clothes in front of me.

“Alex, man, what the fuck is going on with you?” Newsome asked, helping me to my feet.

I yanked my arm from his grasp, glaring at Castillo. “Did you fucking bring him here? You dirty whore. How many guys are you fucking?”

“I didn’t bring him here!” she yelled, looking fed up with my antics. “I didn’t even tell him I’d be here tonight.”

“That’s right, I had to ask around because all of a sudden Leti wants to act like she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Alex, you’re fucked up. Leti didn’t bring Vernon here. Fuck Vernon,” Jensen defended.

“Yeah, fuck me,” Vernon condescendingly added, stepping into the middle of us all. “That’s exactly what’s been going on. I’m tired of being a scapegoat here. Fuck everyone involved in this shitty situation.”

This guy was one of the worst people that I’d ever had the displeasure of knowing, but there was something about the tone of his words that struck me… made me want to hear more.

“What the hell are you rambling about, Vernon?” Riley asked, looking pissed off and overly annoyed.

“You all fucking hate me, and I embrace that, but I’ll tell you what, I couldn’t have possibly gone to First Sergeant without the help of Leti.”

“He’s a damn liar,” Castillo defended. If I didn’t know her sly, conniving ways, I would have softened towards her charade for a bit. The conviction in her voice was almost Oscar worthy.

“Oh,I’m a liar? How the fuck would I have known to go fishing for information at that tattoo shop? How would I have known who the fuck Pfc. Bennett was? How would I have known about any of this?”

Castillo stood stunned. Looking around the crew, I could tell that the allies she had were slowly leaving her corner. Eyes bulged as heads shook with the realization that she was the mastermind behind my downfall. She had been backed into a corner, and there was no way out.

“What the fuck would you have to gain from this, Vernon?” Jensen asked, stepping away from Castillo.

“She’s a pretty girl with a sweet pussy and a convincing mouth. She gave it up because I did her dirty work, but now she’s ditched me. I couldn’t fucking figure out why until I realized that Alex had somehow won his case, and him and Cassie were on the ropes. I saw that I had been fucking played again, and I wasn’t letting that shit go easily. I’m tired of her shit.”

“You’re such a bitch!” Cassie lashed out.

I quickly threw my arm out and caught her before she could physically assault Castillo. She was still a Marine, and a subordinate at that. There was no way I was about to let her throw everything we had managed to gain down the drain.

“Alex, she was angry. I think we’ve all done dumb shit out of anger,” Jensen said, fueling my rage once again.

Suddenly, Nat lashed out and bitch slapped Castillo. The smack of her hand meeting Leti’s face stunned the room. Sharp gasps and even a bit of awkward laughter filled the room. “I don’t even fucking know you, but you dragged me into this. Fuck you!” she yelled, small but full of rage.

Leti held her face, then turned to go after Nat, but Jensen stepped in front her, effectively cutting her off.

“Fuck you, little girl! You’re a fucking dead girl!” Leti screamed, unable to break free from Jensen’s grasp.

The sight only further pissed me off. “Are you out of your goddamned mind?” I yelled. The party was focused on the spectacle that we had all become, and sadly, I couldn’t care less. “You refuse to see the damage done here. You refuse to see that a friend was willing to destroy me because of her anger. And you still find a fucking way to defend that?”

“I’m not defending her!” Jensen roared back.

“Fuck you! Fuck you, and damn sure fuck you!” I yelled, knife handing Vernon, Jensen, and Castillo. “You all better see your way out before I go fucking ape shit in here and make you wish you had left on your own accord.”

“I don’t know, I’m kind of enjoying—”

I punched Vernon before he could finish his sentence. His smug smile couldn’t be tolerated any longer. Regardless of the fact that he had spilled the beans and confirmed that Castillo had set all of this in motion, he had been all too willing to play the part, and I hated him for it. Probably as much as he already hated me.

My hand throbbed as I connected with his face.

He charged me, throwing me down on the ground and punching me twice in the face. Screams and yells filled the space as I overpowered him and rolled us over, me on top of him as I connected with body blows and a solid punch to the nose. Cassie yelled behind me, trying to get me off of Vernon, but this had built up for far too long. He had an ass whoopin’ coming, and I wasn’t about to relinquish the opportunity.

“Stop, Alex… please stop!” Cassie yelled hysterically.

I looked down to find blood on my hands. Riley and Smith pulled me off Vernon as Newsome helped him up.

“Get these bitches out of my house, right the fuck now. Right now!” I yelled, still raging on pure adrenaline.

“We’ll get them out. Cassie, take him to the room. Now!” Riley barked, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Thanks for the awesome going away present, Vernon. Your face—”

“Shut up, Alex,” Cassie scolded, pushing me back. I passed a very concerned looking Dalton on the way to the room. Cassie slammed the door behind me, then stormed into the bathroom and reemerged with a wet face towel and proceeded to wipe off my hands and face. She didn’t say anything, just wiped furiously, breathing excruciatingly hard.

“What’s the matter with you?” I asked, studying her angry disposition.

“You aren’t really asking me that are you?”

“I just fucking asked, Cassie, so yeah, I am.”

She pushed me, stepping back then throwing her hands into her hair. “You’re out of fucking control, Alex. Why are you so angry? Who cares about Vernon?”

“I care about Vernon!” I roared in response. “I care because that limp dick has done too much shit. Fuck him. And fuck her too!”

Cassie blinked quickly, a puzzling look crossing her face. “Are you still into her?”

I scoffed at the insinuation. It was utterly ridiculous, even in this fit of rage.

“Answer me!”

“No, I’m not!” I yelled, loud enough for the sound of my voice to reverberate off the walls.

“I knew not to tell you what I’d seen last week. You have little to no self-control, Alex. You’re fucking crazy.”

“What the fuck did you see?”

She remained quiet, opting instead to stand with her arms folded over her chest and her eyes trained on me. It was pissing me off all over again, making me think that she was hiding shit from me. The last person I thought I would have to deal with where that was concerned would be Cassie.

“You better tell me right now what you saw,” I ordered, low and firm.

She breathed hard, her chest rising and falling in hurried succession.

“What the fuck did you see, Cassie?”

“Vernon!” she yelled. “Coming out of the gym.”

My eyes narrowed with the realization of what she had just said. That night at the gym, I had gone looking for him and I’d had a feeling that Castillo was hiding shit, but hearing that Cassie saw him and kept quiet pissed me off.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Are you kidding me? Look at you. You’re out of control. You think I wanted to see this on base? It was unnecessary.”

“You don’t get to tell me what’s fucking necessary, Cassie. That motherfucker is the reason that you and I almost lost everything. For what? Because he was getting some dirty pussy. I didn’t do enough to his ass. I’m going to make sure that his ass is gone, and if he isn’t, I’m finishing what I fucking started.”

I bolted for the door, but Cassie caught me, pressing the door shut before I could make it out. “You’re not going out there, Alex. Enough is enough.”

“Oh yeah? And how the fuck do you plan to stop me?”

“You go out there, and I’m fucking done. It’s time to reign you in.”

I turned to look at her, her face set firm in a serious expression.

“I’m done with this shit, Alex. You need to gather yourself. You need to fix yourself. You need to get your mind right before you get on that plane tomorrow. You have a million and one problems waiting on you where you’re going. You don’t need any—”

“Shut up!” I growled, catching her off guard as I rushed her, lifted her off the ground and turned her around, planting her firmly against the wall. I began kissing her roughly, thrashing my tongue around in her mouth as I fisted her hair in my hand. All of the anger brewing inside of me was unleashed on her, rough, passionate and fulfilling. Cassie wanted me to focus my energy elsewhere, and I was about to do just that.

She moaned loudly and and full of passion, gripping my head equally as hard as I held her hair. There was astronomical amounts of anger, love, and desire in that kiss, and I knew then that I had to have her. I had to have more of her. I had to have all of her.

“Alex!” Riley yelled as he banged on the door.

“Go the fuck away, man. I’m feeling murderous right now.”

“Alex—”

“Go away, Riley!”

Cassie pulled my face back to her. She nipped on my ears as I set to work on her beautifully, succulent tits. “I need you,” she whispered.

My cock jolted with the seductive tone of her words. Without hesitation, I lowered her to the ground and hastily undressed her, taking in what I had been without for far too long.

“I’m making up for it all, Blondie,” I whispered, gripping her and holding her against the wall as I lowered myself and buried my face between her legs.

Chapter 16

Cassie

My shorts and thong came off instantaneously. Alex’s ravenous mouth owned me, making me squeal from his overzealous movements. I helped Alex out of his shirt, and the sight of his chiseled chest made me weak in the knees. Before I could do anything else, Alex was fixing me to his shoulders, then standing and holding me against the wall.

“This is my last meal before I head off to that sand pit, and I’m about to devour it,” he whispered, followed by an intense meeting between his decadent lips and those of my pussy.

Sucking…

Licking…

Soothing…

Lapping…

He was talented in this area, making me quiver and ache with need. As close as he was to me, it wasn’t close enough, and the longer he teased me, the more worked up I became. I could feel the onset of my orgasm, primed and ready to burst, claiming and destroying anything lying in its wake. My body went into a state of uncharted euphoria, and I screamed because it hurt, then screamed because it felt so goddamned good that I needed more, but after the feign, the hurt returned and nothing but release would quell the mounting pressure.

Alex focused solely on my clit, and the flick of his tongue was ultimately my undoing. The once tightly held dam burst and exploded in the most violent and pleasurably satisfying way. He held me to the wall as I came, emptying myself and filling Alex with all of the remnants of what he was able to elicit from me. He moaned as he took me in, slurping up every bit of the warm, tantalizing moisture that left my body. He had promised to devour his last meal, and devoured he had.

“Just as sweet as the very first time. I’m going to fucking miss this,” he whispered before he gathered my legs tightly around his head, then turned and tossed me gently onto his bed.

He smoothly dropped the khaki shorts he was wearing, showing off an always impressive bulge between his legs, held in by the stretch of his boxer briefs. Flames of passion heated up the room, making me sweat with anticipation. It had been so long since Alex and I had gone to this level, and a part of me was mildly apprehensive about getting my hopes up too high in the event that he retreated back to that place that forbid him to move forward with me.

His golden eyes darkened, the lust hidden behind the curtain of his eyelids. He sucked in his bottom lip and removed his briefs before hovering over me, running his enlarged cock against my middle, teasing and enticing all at the same time.

“Are you sure?” I absentmindedly murmured, then immediately wished I hadn’t said anything.

Alex’s eyes beamed down on me, studying the range of emotions ravaging my face. He finally flashed a calculated smiled before muttering, “You know better than anyone else that I don’t beat around the fucking bush, Blondie.”

My heart raced with his confirmation, and I instinctively widened the gap between in my legs, giving him the necessary space to have his way with me. His solid cock sat at my entrance, and that familiar tug of throbbing eagerness began to take over, causing me to moan and squirm. A slight laugh escaped him as he teased, smiling down on me with a wicked gleam in his eyes. I swallowed as he neared. My core moistened with every movement, and he rubbed his cock along the outside, wetting the tip of himself as her bit down on his bottom lip and closed his eyes in appreciation.

“You always did know how to make me feel welcome, Blondie,” he joked, slowly guiding the tip into me. He exhaled slowly, seemingly savoring the feel of my walls as they tightened around him.

He eased a little more inside, stretching me wide. I bit down on my bottom lip, grimacing as he moved inside, but luxuriating in the feel of the physical closeness that I had been craving for so long. Alex pushed farther in, stopped, then burrowed deeper. When he was fully encased inside of my walls, I exhaled, brimming with excitement as I looked up into his eyes and saw what looked like relief.

“Are you okay?” I asked in a breathy, pleasurable tone.

He smiled, nodding his head before responding. “I’ve been a stupid jackass. This is the best I’ve felt in a very long time.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his deliciously plump lips down to mine. Our kiss sparked his movements as he slowly rocked to and fro. With each motion, jolts of electricity shot off like rockets inside of me. Alex worked me meticulously, slowing moving in and out while sucking in breath and gently exhaling it in short, pleasurable spurts.

I tightened my grip around his neck, holding him close, indulging in the intoxicating aroma of sandalwood that flanked his body. I breathed it in, losing myself in all things Alex as he picked up his pace, pounding his way through my tightly clenching walls.

“I love you so much, Cassie,” he whispered through laborious breaths. He worked his hips in a circular motion, slowing down just enough to allow me to feel every inch of him swirling around inside of me. My eyes closed as I allowed him to have his way with me.

He never got rough. He stayed at a medium pace, slowing down to feel the warmth of my walls as moisture began to build inside of me. He’d suck in his breath, bite down on his lip, tighten his hold on my body, but never once did he take it to the high intensity, rough impact that we knew so well. Alex was indulging, taking in every inch of my body that he’d missed out on, and made sure to allow me the feel of sensual gratification at the same time. He’d already done a masterful job with his tongue, bringing on a very intense orgasm, but he was allowing my body to work its way back up to another before taking the pleasure that his body so badly wanted.

“This is like a fucking dream, Cassie. I don’t ever want to wake up.”

“I… love…you, Alex!”

With those words, my walls clenched tightly, my legs went numb, and I lost all ability to speak. I cried out to Alex’s deep, sensual groans as we poured every ounce of the love we shared into one another. Alex’s body stiffened and he held himself inside, moaning with hunger, raw passion, and desire. I held firmly around his neck as my body was overtaken by him, and he finished us both off with a few more hard, pounding, thrusts. When he stopped, a tear slid down my cheek, which Alex noticed as soon as he opened his eyes.

His look of satisfaction instantly turned to concern as he took me in. “Why are you crying, Blondie?”

I smiled, trying to ease his fears. “I’m happy. And now that I’m happy, you’re leaving.”

He relaxed, then pulled out of me, laying down on my side and pulling me close. “I don’t regret much, but I regret the shit I’ve done to you. I regret making you angry and making you cry. I thought deploying was going to be the best thing for me, but now that the pieces of my life are put back together, I’m fucking torn up inside. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to spend a single fucking day without you.”

More tears trickled down my face. I knew I’d be sad that Alex would be leaving in less than twenty-four hours, but I had no idea of what he was feeling, and for him to lay it all out for me…that was huge for him, and it broke me even more. Alex was all I wanted, and for at least the next few months, he’d be the one thing that I couldn’t have.

“I’m calling your ass as often as I can. I’m going to need to hear the warmth of your voice to get me through the shit storm I’m about to walk into, so keep your phone with you…everywhere you go.”

“I will. I promise.” I paused, swallowing the overwhelming emotion. “You promise to come home to me.”

Alex stiffened, leaving awkward silence lingering in the air. “I’m going to do everything I can to come back to you, Blondie.”

“Promise me, Alex.”

He paused again, blowing out a troublesome breath. “I can’t make that promise, Cassie. The tattoos on my chest are proof of that.”

“Alex!” I cried.

“I promise that I will do everything I can to come back to you.”

He kissed my forehead then held me close. The music outside of our room raged on as the party continued into the night without us. We never left our little haven. If we only had hours left with one another, we were going to hog every second of them, and that was exactly what we did.

++++

We woke the next morning to the bright desert sun blazing through the windows. Alex and I stayed wrapped around one another the entire night, allowing a thin layer of sweat to coat us in place of blankets. I wanted to stay locked in his arms forever because I knew as soon as we let go and started normal human function, we would be on the countdown until we were torn apart.

After lying together for a solid hour, kissing and making small talk, Alex finally accepted the fact that we couldn’t stay like this forever, and broke our link, pulling me out of bed with him and into the shower. We stood under the steaming mist of the water, washing one another in silence. For me, I didn’t want to speak because I was sure my words would be lost behind a flood of tears, or worse, the worrisome thoughts on my mind would be what would come spewing out.

We finished in the shower, then got dressed and sauntered out to the kitchen area. Surprisingly, there were no traces of a party left in the house. It looked as clean and organized as Alex normally kept it, which was amazing considering the equivalent of a college frat party had taken place the night before. Riley, Nat, and Adriana were in the kitchen when we walked in. All eyes turned to us as we took a seat at the island.

“Well, hello, strangers,” Adriana greeted. “You ditched your own party, Alex.”

“Yeah well, the party for two we had was much better.”

“Who cleaned the house?” I asked.

“Adriana and Rocky Balboa,” Riley answered, referring to Nat’s attack on Castillo the night before.

“Whatever,” Nat countered. “That bitch had it coming.”

“She’s crazy. Look out for charges coming your way,” I threw in.

Nat shrugged her shoulders, dismissing the threat. “It wouldn’t be the first time I had law enforcement down my neck.”

I was about to ask her to divulge, but Adriana put two big plates of chorizo and eggs in front of Alex and me and demanded that we eat. We did, making small talk about the night before but avoiding the massive elephant in the room. No one spoke about Alex’s deployment, even though we were only hours from him being on an airplane and headed for the gruesome unknown. I could tell everyone wanted to say something about it, but they never did, and from the looks of Alex’s face, he was just fine with that.

Finally, the dreaded time had come when Alex announced that he’d have to get going. My heart sank, and I lost my breath. The reality had hit, and there was no going back. I wanted to burst into tears, but I had promised myself that the night before were the last tears that he would see me cry. I didn’t need to shoulder him with my weakness. I wanted him to see that he was leaving behind a strong woman who would be ready and waiting for his return.

As we followed Alex out to the garage, he grabbed his seabag, backpack, and other gear, tossed them into the bed of his truck and began his goodbyes. Nat burst into tears as she wrapped her arms around his middle. The sobs leaving her body gave me the chills, forcing me to work extra hard not to falter on my own promise and join her in her cry fest. I had never seen her so broken up, and the sight of her so destroyed only made my heart break even more.

“We may fight, but I love you like a brother, Alex. Come back home to us, please.” Nat pleaded, giving up on fighting the tears streaking her cheeks.

Alex held her close, whispering into her ear, but failing to soothe the tiny, tatted up bad girl. She finally pulled away at Riley’s insistence, then walked over to me and held me as she continued to allow tears to pour from her bloodshot eyes.

Riley and Alex gave each other the guy hug, holding on for a few elongated seconds before letting go. “Go get some,” Riley said, patting Alex on the back. “Then come home and make a million fucking babies with this girl over here, man.”

Alex laughed. “That’s the plan, dude. That’s the plan.” He looked around the garage and took in the surroundings one last time. “Take care of my house, motherfucker.”

“Will do,” Riley replied, stepping back and taking a still hysterical Nat from me.

Adriana, Alex and I made our way into the truck, waving goodbye to Riley and Nat as Alex pulled out and onto the street. With every mile we drove, my heart broke just a little bit more. I couldn’t believe that I was actually on my way to dropping him off to leave me for dangerous uncertainty. The thought was sickening, and as bile rose in my throat, I tried hard to push it down, needing the open air to help me do so.

When we pulled up, I saw it—the dreaded white bus. Every military spouse-or in my case, military member—knew the significance of the white bus. It was pleasure and pain, heaven and hell. It was either taking a piece of your life away or finally bringing it back.

There was an abundance of wives and family members there to see their Marine off. They were a small contingent, no more than about twenty guys leaving as reinforcements, but the family members filling that parking lot made it seem like so much more. This wasn’t the usual training deployment that carried significantly less danger. This was combat, and these guys were tasked to fill in spots left vacant by the deaths of our brothers. An ominous feel loomed over our spot; it was highly noticeable and couldn’t be avoided.

After Alex dropped off his bags and checked in, he finally made his way back over to where Adriana and I stood. He stepped in front of his sister first, pulling her into his arms as he held her tight and kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, hermana. Take care of yourself, and send me lots of pictures of Abel.”

I couldn’t look at them. The heavy lump in my throat had reemerged, making it difficult for me to swallow as tears that I had sworn wouldn’t see the light of day threatened to spill out. I looked around us, taking in the somber sight of wives crying on their husband’s shoulders and children clinging to their daddy’s legs as they cried out in vain, begging them not to go.

My promise was broken.

Tears trickled down my face, faster than I could stop them, and this time, I gave in. I let them fall because fighting them was of no use. They were coming, fast and furiously, and oddly, they helped to calm my fears.

Alex released Adriana from his arms and stepped over to where I stood. I smiled as I turned my face away from him, stupidly hoping that he wouldn’t see me cry. He took my chin in his hand, gently turning my face to meet his gaze. I stared at his honey-hued orbs through tear streaked eyes, taking in the love shining through. I laughed and smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed about my handling of this situation.

True, I was a Marine, and this was part of the job, but when I left home, I hadn’t had the tearful goodbye. My friends saw me off because my mom had been too high on pills to realize I was leaving. Now, it felt like the better part of my life was being taken away from me, and it hurt worse than anything I could have imagined.

“If you don’t stop this you’re going to make cry out here, Blondie,” Alex joked, lightly kissing away my tears. “I don’t want to look like a pussy in front of the guys.”

I giggled through my tears because it was all I could do.

“You know you’re everything to me. Everything. You’ll be on my mind every second of the fucking day while I’m out there.”

“I know,” I whispered, unable to muster much of a voice through my tears.

“I’m leaving my truck in your hands. Take care of my baby.”

My eyes bulged in shock. Alex was in love with his truck, so leaving it to me meant a hell of a lot. I tried to protest, but he cut me off.

“I love you more than anything else in this world, Cassie. My life has been a million times better since you’ve come in it, and I’d repeat every damn thing I’ve ever done if it brought me to you.”

“Let’s start loading up, Marines!” a man yelled.

“I altered some shit. I’m not stupid and naïve. I plan on doing everything in my power to come home to you, but in case I don’t make it—”

“Alex, no…”

“Listen to me, Cassie. This shit sucks, but it’s our reality. If I don’t make it, I’ve amended my life insurance and half of it is going to you. I want to make sure you’re taken care of.”

The talk of death and survivor’s benefits was like a stake to my heart. This was the last thing I wanted to hear him say just before leaving to a fucking bloody war zone. The tears poured out of me, making me lose my breath. Alex held my face and continuously kissed me.

“You’re my family, Cassie. You’re my future. If I make it home, I’m putting that ring on your finger, I’m filling you with babies, and I’m living out the rest of my life with you. You understand that?”

I nodded my head as the tears continued to flow. My stomach was a jumbled mess of nerves, twisting and turning on me, and my knees grew weak as I watched wives hold tightly to their inconsolable children. For a second, I was grateful that it was just Alex and me. I couldn’t imagine having a child thrown into this mix.

“They’re calling for you, Alex,” Adriana calmly stated.

Alex nodded to her then turned back to me and hugged me tight, holding on and whispering in my ear. “You’re my fucking world, my little mariposa. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I cried, holding on for dear life and hoping that somehow I wouldn’t have to let go.

Alex kissed my head a couple of times before pulling back and looking me in my eyes. “You’re my motivation to get back, you understand me? You are what is going to fuel me. I’ll call you as often as I can. Sleep with that cell phone.”

“I will. I promise.”

We kissed one last time, long and hard before he pulled away for good. He walked, clad in cammies, marching proudly as he made his way to the dreaded bus. He stepped on, and my heart exploded. The tears came faster than I ever thought imaginable. Adriana and I held one another, crying together as Alex took his place on the bus and poked his head out the window. He waved goodbye as the engine roared to life.

The bus sat idle for only a minute before pulling out and taking the best thing that had ever happened to me away.

Chapter 17

Alex

Never in a million years did I think I’d tear up the way I did walking away from Cassie. The emotional toll my leaving took on her surprised me, and not in a good way. The second her silent tears turned to garish sobs, my heart dropped and shattered, leaving me with the unfortunate task of having to leave her in the arms of my sister while I turned my back and walked away. That shit stung like a fucking wasp attack. It was singlehandedly the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, and probably the most painful to go along with it.

When I wasn’t sleeping, music took the space of idle time. Little did I know, Cassie had filled my phone with music and labeled it, A&Cs Playlist. She loaded our Secondhand Serenade song, along with some Metallica, Green Day, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, Weezer, and even some T.I. and Nelly. Listening made me miss her all over again. Long stretches of time were spent reminiscing about good and bad times with her. I needed to see her face, to remember her sweet, vanilla scent—but most of all, I just needed her.

After dozing, waking, dozing and waking, we finally landed in Kuwait. Jet lag was mixed in a deadly concoction of dread and loneliness. Fortunately, as soon as we arrived we were hustled off of one plane and onto another. It didn’t take long until we landed at Al Assad airbase, were loaded into vehicles, and convoyed to our base.

As I stared out the window, memories of this place—haunting, and mind numbing—came creeping back to mind. The relative calm as we drove through the barren desert blanketed the nightmares that I’d already come face to face with. I was back in the environment of secrecy. This was a place where right wasn’t always right, and wrong wasn’t always wrong. The person who smiled and waved at you during the day was the same person who shot at you at night. It was an ass backwards world, and I found myself right back in the thick of it.

Pulling up to the base was a surreal experience. Camp Fallujah held memories that I never wanted to remember. Unfortunately, for the next few months this would be my home. The gate guards were always on high alert, standing tall, M-16s in the ready position.

Maybe I hadn’t quite conditioned my mind for this environment. I’d been given such short notice for the deployment, and hadn’t mentally prepared for everything that this augmentation assignment would entail. Whatever happened, I knew I had to whip myself into fucking shape. My surroundings were my surroundings: hot, dark, sinister, and full of unwanted surprise. It was time to go back into survival mode if I wanted to make it home and back into Cassie’s arms.

We unloaded the vehicles and found ourselves under the direction of First Sergeant Keating, the company First Sergeant for 3/11 Kilo Battery. He stood tall but looked worn down. I took his demeanor for what it was—a man who had been through too much in a very short period of time. As the augmenting force, we were only going to complete the deployment, which meant we had a little over three, maybe four months out here. If First Sergeant’s face were any indication of what we were in for, I was ready for the most hellish months of my life.

“Welcome to Camp Fallujah, Marines. As you know, you were sent here to help augment the infantry units. It’s no secret that we’re taking hits left and fucking right. All of you are experienced in theater. Nothing has changed. Stay on high alert, and keep your fucking head down.”

“Oorah!”

“Where is Sgt. Cruz?”

“Right here, First Sergeant.”

“I’ll need to see you Sergeant. The rest of you go to the last tent and check in with Admin. You’ll get assigned your bunks and be ready to go at zero seven.”

The guys walked down the long, dirt walkway to the last tent on the left. First Sergeant Keating and I stepped into a vacant tent at the front of the camp.

“I spoke with Master Sergeant Finny just before you boys arrived here. He says you’ve been selected for Staff Sergeant.”

“Yes, I have, First Sergeant.”

“You’ll pin on in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, you’ll carry the Staff NCO billet. We’re getting picked like sitting fucking ducks out there, Cruz. I know you have multiple deployments of combat experience, but some of these guys have never been and are scared to fucking death. I need you to lead, do you understand that?”

“Yes, First Sergeant.”

“Good. Head on down to the tent. Have the boys up and fed by zero seven. We have a briefing to go over in the morning.”

“Will do, First Sergeant.”

He nodded his head then turned and walked away. He wasn’t a man to mince words. The insurgents in this area were quick and deadly, and apparently were winning the battle. I had a task on my hands, and although it wasn’t ideal, I relished it. Being in theater was a double-edged sword: no one wanted to face death every time they stepped outside of the confines of base, but once you were in the thick of it, it filled your veins and powered you. It was now your challenge, your lifeline. You embraced it and moved on, or you dreaded it, then succumbed to it. I was not going with the latter.

After checking in with Admin and finding my tent and cot, I tried the phone center, hoping I could call Cassie and hear her sweet voice before the bullshit started. No luck. Because we had taken so many casualties in the last couple of days, we’d been put in River City. No communication was to get out until all next of kin had been notified. It could be days before I’d be able to talk to her. The thought pissed me off, but I understood the reasoning. The last thing we needed was someone finding out through the grapevine that their loved one had died. That shit had happened before, and it was insensitive as fuck.

Morning came before I knew it. I had the guys up and in the chow hall, then back to the meeting area for our briefing from First Sergeant for the day.

Corporal Vega was a twenty-one year old kid from El Paso, Texas. He had been to Iraq once before and had earned a Purple Heart for taking shrapnel to his legs from a roadside bomb. It was nice to know that he was battle tested. He knew exactly what to expect, and he’d be an asset when we were in the streets of this fucking hell hole.

Lance Corporal White was a nineteen year old kid who had been to Iraq once before. He had a wife back in Twentynine who was pregnant with their first kid. He looked a lot like Dalton—tall and blond with blue eyes and a baby face. I couldn’t believe this kid, after only two years in the Corps, was already back in this fucking sandbox for a second time. But alas, he was, and like Vega, he was an asset.

Finally, there was Lance Corporal Avery, a twenty year old who had never seen land outside of the United States. Fear blanketed this kid from head to toe. He was nervous, jumpy and worried me. The last thing I needed was a kid who would shoot at anything moving, putting the rest of us in danger. I quickly reigned his ass in and let him know that this shit was real, and it was time to man up.

In our briefing, First Sergeant informed us that most casualties were coming from IEDs, followed by ambush. The insurgents in the area were growing bolder, and it was spilling into the sister town of Ramadi. I had seen this shit too many times to grow complacent. A simple drive outside the gates could turn into the fucking fight of your life. It was that simple. Stay locked and loaded and keep your head down. That was the key to surviving this shit.

A few days went by, and communication was still locked down. I couldn’t remember it ever taking this long and I was growing antsy and overly impatient because I hadn’t spoken to Cassie.

In the few days that my boots had touched down on Iraqi soil, fierce clashes between our forces and theirs raged throughout the city. Contractors had been ambushed and kidnapped, and now our forces were on the prowl to find them with explicit orders to shoot and kill anyone who posed a threat. Tensions were high, and trigger fingers were ready.

This was a replay of the time I lost six of my brothers and felt as if I should have died with them. Having the shaking rookie with me wasn’t making that feeling any fucking better.

Our third mission was quite eventful. A terrorist safe haven was scouted on the outskirts of town, posing as a children’s playhouse. Kids filled the street just before it, playing soccer and talking to Marines as we patrolled the area. Suspicious looks always met us from the adults at the house. They never spoke, and watched us carefully. It was as if they thought we’d make off with their kids, but that was the last thing on our mind. These kids were funny but obnoxious. It made me thankful that I didn’t have any, and wouldn’t for a long while if I had anything to say about it.

Cpl. Vega led his usual patrol path, running across a long cord poorly hidden in the dirt that lined the streets. Following the cord, he found what looked like an old beat up cell phone attached to it. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what it was, and he immediately radioed in for help.

“What is that?” Avery asked, lips quivering as he held his rifle in the ready position. If the situation we were in weren’t so serious, I would have laughed at him.

“It’s an IED, Avery. Calm down. EOD will be here shortly to get rid of it.”

He nodded, eyes wide and breathing hard. The poor kid was on high alert, and I briefly wondered if I resembled him my first time in the sandbox, but that thought was quickly erased as I remembered that this kid was quite sheltered and had never even fired a gun until he was at the range in boot camp. I couldn’t fault him for being so scared.

Two middle aged Iraqi men stomped outside of the house, shouting obscenities at us as our EOD techs diffused the poorly constructed bomb. Avery stood with his rifle primed and ready, further infuriating the men who felt that they had done nothing wrong, but were being led by a couple of MPs in handcuffs. Scores of women filed out of the house, crying and hugging their children as the men were led away. They charged our position, prompting me to step up and intercept them before things went bad in a hurry.

“Qef!” I growled, holding up my hand. The women came to a dead stop, staring at me, but still yelling obscenities. “We just need to find out why that bomb was here.”

They continued to yell, grabbing their children and shooing them off in the direction of the house. They were told not to talk to us. A little boy turned around and stuck his tongue out at us, pissing off LCpl. White. He yelled at the child to get into the house, then turned and met the rest of us down by the street. When all the women and children were inside, we got back to our patrol, laughing about the little run in.

“How do you guys laugh about this, Sergeant?” Avery asked, wiping sweat from his face.

“Because if you don’t the constant fear will kill you before anything else.”

He didn’t respond, but continued on his way, nervous as fuck. If we could have alcohol in theater, I would get his ass plastered. He needed to relax, or we were all in for some shit when the time for him to combust finally came around.

The confrontation from earlier was an after-thought as we trudged along, heading back to base to complete our patrol shift. It wasn’t until we were about a block and a half away from base that we saw something puzzling. There were two little boys, probably no more than seven or eight in age, sitting on the rock, crying their eyes out. I motioned for Vega to head to the front with me, cautiously making our way over to where the boys sat. We had no idea what was wrong with them, but whatever it was, in a place like this, everyone was your friend and your enemy.

We approached with rifles in hand, down by our sides, but ready to pull the trigger if this were simply a diversion. It wasn’t beneath these fucking cowards out here to use kids to draw in American forces, then attack once the kids had successfully done their jobs.

White, Avery, and a couple of guys moving with us brought up the rear, covering our sides and asses in case we were being lured into an ambush. I could feel Avery’s heartbeat damn near banging its way out of his chest. His nerves were at an all-time high, sweat dripping from his face as his Kevlar vest heaved up and down, matching the erratic nature of his uncontrollable breathing. I motioned for him to get himself under control, which he acknowledged, but failed miserably at actually accomplishing.

The kids looked up and saw us, but turned their backs to us as we approached. We stopped with a good enough distance between us when I asked, “ma al-khatb?” What’s wrong, in Arabic. The boys turned to us but continued crying, one of them finally showing a bloody, broken arm. Petty Officer Christen, our Corpsman, approached us, eyeing the boy’s injury with deep concern mixed with worrisome caution.

“I need to go and take a look at it, Sergeant,” Christen said. I knew he was right, but I was still worried about what the boys were doing here, on a mildly busy street, just sitting and crying their eyes out.

“We’re right behind you,” I whispered as we treaded softly over to where the boys sat.

I couldn’t recall hearing a single thing, just floating in a sea of silence. My eyes were trained on the boys, young and vulnerable, but filled with suspicious motives. No one, not even the very young who are our most precious citizens in America, could be trusted. Sometimes they were in genuine need of help, other times, they were not, and these boys couldn’t be read one way or another. The fact that one of them had a legitimate injury helped to sell their cause, but I wasn’t letting my guard down, not here. That was when they struck. You had to keep focused on the fact that while they may be young, they are brainwashed and trained by killers who want nothing more than to see our demise. I knew better than most the deception these young faces held.

“Ma al-khatb?” Christen yelled, approaching the boys.

They continued crying, the injured boy holding out his broken arm. Vega and I moved behind Christen, with the rest of the guys trailing us. Christen finally made his way to the boys, taking the little one’s arm in his hand and examining it.

“I can splint this. That’s all,” Christen whispered back to us.

I nodded. I didn’t really care what he did. I just wanted him to do it and get it done quickly.

We stood on high alert, waiting for anything out of the ordinary to catch our eye. Christen was just finishing when I noticed an older boy, maybe about twelve years old, spot the crying boys and shake his head in disapproval. He began to yell at them in Arabic, causing the uninjured boy to yell back at him. I raised my gun, unsure of what was taking place between them, but aware that Christen was in their proximity.

Christen finished wrapping the young boy’s arm, then patted him on the head.

“Thank you, Mister,” the boy said, wrapping his good arm around Christen’s neck.

The older boy grew irritated with the show, and stormed over. He was angry and red-faced, spitting mad and yelling out his frustrations as he gruffly chided the other boys, inciting their tears once again. They shook their heads fervently, speaking quickly in what I assumed to be a pleading manner. Christen tried hard to diffuse the situation, but it only made the older boy angrier. He lost his fucking marbles when he grabbed Christen, prompting the other boys to flee.

With rifles raised, I ordered, “Let him go!”

“Drop guns, infidel!” the boy yelled back in plain English. He had his eyes trained on me, going toe to toe in a stare down, daring me to blink. In the next second, he raised his shirt, showing a suicide vest strapped to his chest.

My heart began to race, beating quickly and erratically as sweat filled my brow and my breathing labored. Had those kids set us up, or was this asshole acting out on his own accord? Either way, we were in a shit storm with no way of getting out.

“Let him go, and no one gets hurt. Do you understand?”

Silence filled the area as Vega crept closer to me. My hands filled with sweat, causing me to hold stronger to my rifle as this kid stood, pulling a small detonator out of his pocket. One false move by Christen and he was gone, but if we didn’t do something, this kid would make no qualms about blowing the both of them up.

Dust began to swirl as the warm Iraqi wind picked up. It penetrated my throat, making it hard to breathe as I took long and hard deep breaths. My eyes scanned the area, finding no traces of the crying boys who had been so appreciative only minutes before.

The boy gripped Christen tighter before yelling, “Allahu Akba!” and raising the tiny detonator.

I pulled the trigger of my weapon, sending a bullet flying and barreling into the forehead of the young boy. My breathing stalled. I heard the pop of the weapon going off, and a voice behind me yelling, “Noooooo….”

Christen stepped away as the boy fell to the ground, blood oozing out of two holes in his forehead. I looked to the left of me and found that Vega had fired his weapon as well. Christen dropped to the ground next to the boy, looking himself over before realizing that the both bullets had hit his would-be killer and not him.

“Get on the radio and call for help!” I yelled to White.

Avery stood behind me, eyes barren, looking like shock had taken hold of him. Tears fell as he stood there, never once looking any of us in the eye.

Droves of locals filled the streets, yelling as we secured the spot where the boy lay. We kept our weapons trained on them, fearing that a retaliatory action was coming, or that they were coming to finish off the job. Within a minute, the back-up crew was there, clearing out the angry crowd and looking over all of us. EOD disassembled the bomb strapped to the young boy and disposed of it before the ambulance came and removed him, leaving a pool of blood to fill the area where his young body once lay.

A piece of me died with that boy. It was kill or be killed, but that didn’t mean my human emotions were lost in the process. This young boy was someone’s son, and now he was gone.

Our investigative team stayed behind to comb the scene, take any loose weapons lying around, and make damn sure that the locals couldn’t take them and use them against any of us. We were escorted back to base and met by First Sergeant Keating who asked a million and one questions, but applauded our acts of bravery, and our ability to bring all of our men back in one piece.

I thanked the guys out there with me, wanting to move on from what had just taken place. It felt like a piece of my soul had been sucked into a black hole and left to rot, a piece of me that I would never get back. I went to the shower tent and removed my uniform, jumping in and scrubbing my body until I could feel the burn from skin irritation.

Looking down at my hands played tricks on my mind. While there was no blood on them, I couldn’t escape the feeling of having “blood on my hands” and proceeded to scrub them, examine them, scrub them and examine them again. I went through this ritual at least four or five times before I lost all feeling in my hands and sat down on the floor and allowed the water to pummel me. I was a fucking child killer, and regardless of the circumstances, the reality of what I had just done began to rip away at me, to cloud my existence and drive me into a place that I knew I would never recover from.

Food was the furthest thing from my mind. I felt physically sick with the visual of two bullet holes piercing that boy’s head, smoke emanating from them as blood oozed onto the ground below. As badly as I hurt, I was pissed off just the same. That fucking kid put himself in our way, and while I would have preferred that he blew himself to hell, he would have taken one of our own with him if we hadn’t put an end to his devious plans. My mind played a game of tug-o-war, grappling with guilt and satisfaction.

I laid down that night with my mind completely fucked, wanting to speak to Cassie but feeling too guilty to do so. I hated myself and Vega for what we had done, and applauded us at the same time. It was a twisted motherfucking place to be in, and I couldn’t find a way out of it.

When I finally reconciled my mind with attempting sleep, I could hear nothing but garish sobs coming from the tent next to me. I stood, irritated, pissed off, and ready to break someone’s face. Avery was lying on his cot, tears streaming down his face.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He looked up at me, then to Vega who had come in just as I asked the question. Avery hid his face behind two large hands, hands that looked as if they had taken a serious beating.

“He asked you a fucking question, Avery,” Vega growled, looking just as pissed off as I was.

“Us. What are we doing out here?”

“We’re doing what our country has asked of us. That’s what we’re fucking doing out here,” Vega replied.

“Our country sucks. They sent us here to kill a kid. You two shot a kid. You killed a kid in cold blood.”

My mind exploded with his words, his explanation…his tears. I charged him and tackled him to the ground, punching him in the face before holding him down with my forearm to his throat.

“Who the fucks side are you on, Avery?” I yelled. Vega pulled me off of him, holding me back as Avery worked his way off of the ground. “You can kiss my fucking ass with the sympathy for some fucking child soldier who was ready and willing to blow up one of our own. You siding with the fucking terrorists now? Say the word and I’ll put a motherfucking bullet in your head too. I’m not watching another brother of mine get killed out here, and your stupid ass better wake up and see it. They will fucking kill you in a heartbeat, and they won’t think twice about it.”

Vega continued to hold me as I felt the urge to charge Avery again. He couldn’t…wouldn’t stop the tears, instead intensifying them and allowing them to fall faster from his eyes.

“You better wake the fuck up and see that this place is kill or be killed. You think I fucking liked shooting a kid? You think I take pleasure in that shit?”

“You didn’t seem too shaken—”

“I don’t need to be a crybaby bitch to show that shit affected me. I’m not a heartless asshole, Avery, but I love my boys and I want to see every single one of us go home safe and sound. I’ve had too many of my brothers go home in a fucking body bag, and if you don’t toughen up and lose the sympathy for kids who are willing to take you out, you’ll end up being one of them.”

Tears continued to pour from his eyes. I had seen this before. The kid was wrought with emotion and guilt, and while I shared in the guilt, it wasn’t enough to consume me and leave me worthless. Yes, a child had died, at our hands, but I wouldn’t apologize for saving the life of a dedicated Corpsman with a wife and kids at home. That boy could have bypassed us, but he chose differently, and with that he’d met his maker, the very one he was yelling to just before he was to detonate his bomb and take our brother with him. Thinking about it that way eased my guilt a little, allowing me to relish in the fact that Vega and I had saved a life that, in our eyes, was more valuable than the one we had taken away.

Avery sat down on his cot, still crying his eyes out, but finally doing it in silence. I motioned for Vega to meet me at the edge of the tent lining, never once taking my eyes off of Avery.

“I’m sending White over here. You are both watching over him tonight. Consider it duty, and take shifts if you have to, but remove his weapon and keep eyes on him at all times. I’ll be letting First Sergeant know that I think he needs to be placed on watch.”

“Roger that, Sergeant.”

I grabbed Avery’s weapon, then strolled off towards First Sergeant’s tent. Avery was a cause for concern, and even if I thought his initial reaction to our environment was just a severe case of nerves, I thought there was much more to it now. His emotional state was highly questionable and worrisome. Worrying about the guy covering my ass should have been the last of my concern, but alas, it was on the forefront of my mind. I didn’t want another mission with him, and I wasn’t going to hold back from making that happen.

“First Sergeant, may I have a word with you?” I asked, stone faced and serious.

“What do you need, Sergeant?”

I strolled into his tent, staring into the eyes of a man who looked worn down. “Well, it’s about Lance Corporal. Avery.”

“What about him?”

I swallowed, knowing good and well that this was not what he wanted to hear at this moment, but not giving a shit. My livelihood was on the line where that little shit was concerned.

“First Sergeant, Lance Corporal. Avery is a loose cannon. He is much too emotional and not built for combat. He’s going to get himself killed. Or worse, someone else killed.”

He took a sip of his drink from his coffee mug, then sat it down on the table he was sitting on and eyed me. “I know what happened out there today. The kid was shaken up. It’s his first deployment, cut him some slack.”

“No, it’s more than that, First Sergeant. I have Vega and White watching over him tonight, making sure he doesn’t harm himself.”

His eyes narrowed, and he stood, staring deeply into my soul as if I had triggered something for him. “What do you mean, harm himself?”

I blew out my breath, annoyed with the runaround. “He was shocked by what happened out there today, we all were, but this is more than some first timer getting a dose of reality. This is an emotionally unstable kid who spent the last hour or so bawling his eyes out and accusing his fellow Marines of being on the wrong side of things. This is a guy who can’t understand why what we did, even with such consequences, was the right thing to do. This is a guy who I wouldn’t trust to fetch my boots, and I damn sure don’t want to put my life in his hands.”

“So you’re telling me you think this kid might turn?”

“I am telling you I don’t trust him and don’t want him on anymore missions with my team.” First Sergeant Keating eyed me a minute more, huffed out his frustration and walked back toward his mug on the table and took a long gulp.

“Unfortunately, Sergeant, that’s not your call. We need every body we can get, so Avery stays on your team.”

“He’s not fit for combat, First Sergeant. He’s nothing more than an oxygen thief,” I growled, growing frustrated and ready to blow.

“You don’t make any fucking personnel calls, Sergeant. You take your marching orders and follow suit.”

“Not when he has the capacity to endanger the rest of the Marines—”

Before I could finish speaking, Keating slammed his mug down on the table and had my shirt in his clutches. His eyes, once lethargic and lonesome, were now fired up and full of fury.

“You listen to me, you little fuck. You don’t run anything around here. We need bodies, and at the moment, Avery is who the fuck you have. You’re a goddamned NCO. You take your orders and carry them out to the best of your fucking ability. You’ve got a scared fucking baby in your platoon, and now it’s time for you to lead, and lead with a fucking purpose. If you can’t do the job, I’d be glad to put fucking Corporal Vega in your place. I’m sure he’ll get shit done. Do you fucking understand that, Sergeant?”

“Yes. First. Sergeant,” I gruffly answered.

“Good,” he spit out, tiny particles hitting my face. “Make sure you shift change with Vega and White. Avery is yours, and you need to make sure he’s fit for duty.” He dropped my shirt and turned away from me. “Now get the fuck out of my tent.”

I turned and walked away, filled to the brim with undeniable anger, ready to eliminate Avery on my own. I didn’t know the kid very well, but I hated him with a passion. I was convinced that his instability would cost us, and cost us dearly, and I wouldn’t have that shit on my conscience if someone died because he couldn’t reign himself in.

Feeling frustrated with no real way of releasing it, I stormed back into Avery’s tent, pulled him off of his cot where he was sleeping, and yelled, “Get your ass up! You’re about to learn to appreciate your fellow fucking Marines.”

His eyes bulged with fear as he stared into my eyes. Full of anger and feeling like I could put a fucking bullet in his head, I ripped my shirt off and pointed out the six men who were memorialized on my chest, who had died serving their country so that little shits like him could have the opportunity to do something better with their own lives. I reminded him that he chose this path during war time no less, and that I was offended, and quite frankly, felt as if my bullet should have gone through his fucking skull.

He cried more tears, but in the end he understood, or at least said he did. When I finally allowed him to go sleep, I reminded him that what he had seen would no doubt scar any sane person but that my sanity was in question, and if he ever thought about insulting the very people giving their blood for his stupid ass again, I’d make sure he suffered the same fate.

It took him a good three hours before he finally fell asleep. I took over babysitting duties for the rest of night, acting like a hovering cloud over this little shit to remind him that I was never too far away.

Chapter 18

Cassie

“You’re washing it again, Cassie? Damn, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you owned this thing.” Dalton joked, sitting on the sidewalk sipping a Slurpee while I slaved in the hot desert sun. Alex had left his truck with me, and in the weeks since he’d been gone, I’d probably washed it ten times.

“It’s beautiful. And you know the monster who drives this thing. He’d kill me if he saw it dirty.” I tossed my sopping, wet wash cloth at him, hitting him in the face.

“Gross, Cassie. Seriously!”

“Oh, shut up. Get off your ass and help me.”

He rose, his face still scrunched in dismay, and began scrubbing the side of the truck that had been covered with ever-flying Twentynine dust. “So what’s the deal? I’ve seen Angelica come by your place a few times.”

I blushed, feeling embarrassed because between our work schedules, Dalton and I hadn’t had much time with one another. “We just workout or play basketball. She and Serrateli are kind of seeing one another I guess, but they have this killer workout routine and have formed a group with people at work. I’m not sharing any deep dark secrets, that’s for sure.”

“Well, whatever. I’m sure Alex wouldn’t love the idea of you two being bosom buddies. How is he, anyway?”

“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t heard from him. I’ve sent letters, but nothing in return.”

“It’s bad over there right now. I know it sucks, but if you haven’t heard anything, count it as a blessing.”

I shrugged, wanting to get away from this topic. “Anyway, how are you doing? Fill me in on all things, Dalton.”

“Not really much to tell.”

“Well, how are you and Ben?”

He blew out a haggard breath, indicating that this was a sore subject. “I don’t know. He wants to come out here in a couple of weeks.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that I’ve been kind of seeing Johnson.”

“Your roommate?”

“Yes. I like him, he’s here, and he’s available. Ben is all the way in Ohio, and seeing him is hard. Plus, things are just complicated there.”

“What’s complicated, Dalton? He’s a great guy who thinks the world of you. He’s willing to move here.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know. I think I might like Johnson a little more.”

“I have nothing against Johnson. I just don’t understand how you could toss Ben aside so quickly.”

“I’m not tossing him aside. I just don’t know where my feelings are. I’m pretty sure I’ll let him come out…”

“But what about Johnson? You can’t play both sides, Dalton.”

“I know that. I know.”

“Then figure it out. You’re going to hurt someone if you don’t.”

“I know! Anyway, can we rinse this bitch yet? I’m hot and hungry.”

I grabbed the hose and began rinsing the soap away, turning the hose on Dalton a couple of times. “You said you were hot. I’m just hosing you down.”

Dalton wiped his face, sneering at me. “Where do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know, but hurry your ass up so we can get going. I have a headache that has camped out in my head for the past four days. It might be the stress of worrying about Alex.”

“Or these crazy ass workouts you’re doing with Angelica. Make sure you eat right and drink plenty of water. I don’t need to see you on your death bed in the hospital again.”

“Yes, Father,” I answered as condescendingly as possible. Dalton rolled his eyes at me in response.

We proceeded to dry the truck, then went to get some food.

++++

A week and a half later I finally got the call I’d been waiting for. When my phone rang at 3:30am, I knew exactly who it was and I wasted no time answering it.

“Hi, babe!” I responded much too cheerfully for such an early morning. There was a delay on the phone, but finally, Alex’s voice came through.

“Wow, you have no idea how great it is to hear your voice.” He responded, his voice low and breathy. “How the hell have you been?”

“I’ve been great. What about you? How is Iraq? I’ve been hearing shit on the news. Have those contractors been found?”

“Blondie,” he said, his voice pleading, “Let’s not talk about Iraq. I want to hear about you, and what you’ve got going on.”

There was an undercurrent of sadness filling his voice, and while my curiosity was beginning to get the best of me, I knew it was best not to beat a dead horse. Whatever was happening over there was no good, and apparently, it was weighing heavily on him. I caved and allowed the conversation to flow in the direction that seemed to make him most comfortable.

“Okay. Whatever you want to talk about, we’ll talk about.”

“What’s new with you? I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve heard your voice.”

“Nothing really. I go to work, come home, work out a little, then crash.”

“I didn’t hear food. You better make sure you’re eating right. I don’t need to come home to an emaciated girlfriend. You working out with Dalton?”

“Unfortunately, no. He works so much and spends so much time in the field, I never really see him.”

“So who are you working out with?” he asked, suspicion filling his voice.

I knew he wouldn’t like my answer, but there was no point in hiding it. “Angelica, and Seratteli, and some people they work out with.”

“What? Why the fuck are you getting chummy with her?”

“It’s not getting chummy, Alex. We work together. We have put the bullshit behind us, and I work out with their group. There are about ten of us.”

“I don’t give a fuck. She’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. She’ll fucking turn on you, Cassie, in a heartbeat.”

“That’s the old Angelica, Alex. It’s changed…you’ll see when you get home.”

“I don’t want to see. Fuck her.”

“You’re so hostile. I can hear it in your voice. Are you sure you don’t need to blow some steam?”

“No, Cassie, I don’t. I can’t fucking tell you half of what’s going on out here anyway, so quit asking.”

“Don’t chew my fucking face off, Alex. I’m simply asking you a question. If you’re going to be an asshole, I’ll let you do it to those guys over there. I’m not staying on the phone for this shit.”

Our breaths filled the phone for a few seconds before he finally spoke up. “I’m sorry. It’s just crazy as fuck out here, and I thought I was ready for it, but I don’t think you can ever be ready for this shit. Anyway, how is everything else?”

“It’s fine. I had a meeting with Captain Hedlund the other day. They took my official statement, and asked Angelica about what happened the night I was attacked by Allen.”

The line went silent again.

“Alex?”

“Yeah, I’m here. What are they doing with the idiot?”

“Taking it to court-martial. I’m going to be testifying.”

“Oh no, the fuck you aren’t. There is no need to rehash all of that bullshit. They have statements, eye witness statements, and hospital records. I’m calling Hedlund myself.”

“Alex, back off. I’m going to do whatever I have to do to make sure that fucker is locked behind bars where he belongs.”

“Cassie—”

“No, Alex. You don’t get a say on this one.”

“Fine. But if it becomes too much, don’t think you owe that fucking court anything. They have more than enough to convict his ass.”

“I know, but I want to do this. It’ll make me feel better.”

“Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ve got assholes here to deal with.”

“Okay. You have mail coming from me. Just so you know.”

“Okay. And hey, I’m pinning on Staff Sergeant in the next week or so. Wish you could pin me, but I thought you should know. Have you talked to my family?”

“I talk to Angelica probably once a week. She says your mom is well, and grandma is okay. Congrats on pinning. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Blondie.”

Before I could say another word, the line went dead. An instant feeling of loneliness filled me, making me wish that I’d had more time on the phone with him and that the little time that we’d had wasn’t filled with so much back and forth arguing. But the conversation would have been worse if I had filled him in on everything that was happening back here.

According to Captain Hedlund, the defense had a surprise witness—Castillo. She claimed that I was the one who led Allen on, and when things went sour, Allen retaliated. I couldn’t believe she would stoop so low, but then again, I could. She was still all sorts of butt hurt and jealous. As badly as I’d wanted to find her ass and put an end to her the second I’d found out about her little game, I really couldn’t do anything but laugh her off. She was so desperate to hurt Alex and me that she would side with an animal who would have done the same thing to her given the chance.

That let me know I was dealing with a crazy person, so I just left it at that.

++++

Another week had gone by, and I hadn’t received another call, or any other form of communication from Alex. His demeanor over the phone had me worried about him, and even though I promised myself that I wouldn’t focus on the news coming out of Iraq, I couldn’t help it. According to Dalton, no news was good news, but that wasn’t the case for me. The less I heard, the more concerned I grew.

I knew the protocol for casualty notification, but even that wasn’t enough to ease my fears. The unknown held me like a vise, slowly squeezing all sanity out of me. More and more I turned to working out, trying to occupy myself and keep from staring at the computer screen. This obsession with Alex’s well-being was unhealthy, and while I was acutely aware of it, I couldn’t shake it.

Instead of spending another night in the gym, Angelica, Serratelli, and the rest of the crew decided to throw one hell of a party at a friend’s house who lived off base. I was inclined to pass, knowing that Alex would not have approved, but the more I sat around with nothing to do besides worry about him, I grew frustrated and decided I needed to blow off some steam, and got dressed, then stormed down to Dalton’s room and banged on his door, ready to snatch him out of the room to accompany me. Johnson opened the door, looking worn out himself.

“Hey, Cassie. Dalton’s not here if that’s who you’re looking for.”

“Well, you’re the only two who live here, so yeah, that’d be who I’m looking for,” I joked, but he was obviously in no mood for it. I had never seen him so down, and it concerned me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Dalton went to the airport. His friend Ben flew in.”

“What? Ben wasn’t due in for another week or so.”

“I know. He moved his flight and he’s here.”

“I’m really sorry Johnson, but hey, I’m on my way out to a party. Come with me. You don’t need to be here when he gets back. Not a pretty sight.”

“I’m really not—”

“What else are you going to do? I’m moping around for Alex, and apparently you’re doing the same for Dalton. Let’s go and have some fun.”

A trace of a smile touched his lips and he agreed, following me down to the truck after shutting off all of the lights and locking his door. I hadn’t spent any one on one time with Johnson before, but I liked him enough, and I hated what Dalton was doing. Tonight we, the lonely suckers in the barracks, would bust free and allow ourselves to have some fun.

When I pulled up to the house hosting the party, I was a bit taken aback by the scene. It was like a frat party on steroids. Lines of cars filled the driveway, the street curbs, and the open desert on the side and around to the back. A beer pong tournament looked to be taking place in the garage with kegs lining the side wall, and numerous, bikini clad girls being held by guys, doing keg stands.

“Hey, you made it,” Angelica said, swaying to the music as she came to greet me. Serratelli was on her ass—her very ample ass that was damn near poking out underneath her black leather skirt.

“Yeah, we made it. Who are all of these people?”

“Jim Micha owns the house. He’s big on Crossfit and helped us get our group together. Where’s Dalton?”

“He’s out for the night, so I brought his roommate, Johnson, with me.”

“Hmm…are you enjoying Johnson’s Johnson?””

“Um, no, Angelica,” I replied, appalled by her insinuation. Johnson looked just as disgusted. “Anyway, we’re here. Show us around.”

“Get me a drink,” Johnson threw in, looking as if he were entering a lion’s den.

Angelica and Serratelli marched us into the house, introducing us to a plethora of people who I would never remember the names of. Everyone looked as if they were Crossfit enthusiasts—buff for no good reason, and with limited to no body fat. After working out with the group, I had to admit that they had inspired me, and even if I didn’t get as jacked as most of the people in the room, I wanted to get damn near close.

A large pot of something sat on the stove, which Angelica scooped into a couple of red solo cups and handed to us.

“What is this?” I asked, smelling vicious amounts of alcohol before even attempting a drink.

“It’s called Jungle Juice, and it’s gosh damn delicious.”

“I’ll say,” Johnson replied, sipping, then turning to large gulps.

It looked safe enough, and after a couple of sips of the berry concoction, I was gulping it down right along with him.

We strolled out to the back patio where an ice sculpture was carved into a mini water slide. Bikini wearing chicks sat at the end of it, mouths pressed to the ice as they allowed free flowing alcohol to glide down their throats. I wasn’t much of a shot taker, and I was our driver, so I passed, but enjoyed watching Johnson take tequila shot after tequila shot. He seemed to let loose and allow himself to have some fun after the first couple, then after a while, I couldn’t find him. When I finally did, with Serratelli’s help, he was over in the bushes, heaving up every bit of alcohol that he had consumed.

I was fanning him down when I heard Dalton’s voice behind me, worried and irritated all at the same time. “What the hell are you two doing at this type of party?”

“What are you doing here is the real question,” I answered, rising much too quickly and suddenly feeling the effects of the jungle juice.

“I couldn’t find Johnson, and when I texted him, he told me you guys were here. Why? These meatheads are out of their minds drunk. What the hell, Cassie?”

“Don’t lecture us,” I slurred, hot flashes ravaging my body as sweat began to coat my skin. “You must be Ben,” I said, reaching out my hand to his.

“Ben, this is Cassie, and this is Johnson. Sorry you can’t meet sober people tonight.”

Johnson flew to his feet, stumbling a little but catching his balance enough to face Dalton and scream out his frustrations. “You bring your out of town ass here and have the nerve to be condescending towards me? Some fucking nerve, Dalton. Some fucking nerve.”

I looked between the three men, feeling guilty for the jolt of excitement that I felt with each passing moment. This was juicy, and even though I knew it was wrong, I wanted to hold my front row seat to this show. Ben looked completely mortified, and for a second I wondered if he had known that something was going on with Johnson. Of course, bringing Ben around Johnson would be risky, so I decided that he knew and that he just wasn’t used to confrontation. Either way, this was better than anything I had going on, and I was interested in seeing how it would play out.

“You are drunk and embarrassing yourself. We will talk about this later. Now is not the time, and this is certainly not the place,” Dalton harshly whispered in Johnson’s ear, holding him steady before he fell over.

“Does Ben know about me?” Johnson asked, looking back and forth between the two men.

I never got the chance to hear his reply because, in a split second, I was down on my knees, sweating like a pig and puking incessantly. My stomach roiled with every movement, swirling and jumbling like a terrorizing ride on an unforgettable roller coaster. This was far from enjoyable, and I wanted off, but the vomit just kept coming. Dalton held my hair, allowing me to puke without the fear of a curtain trapping it towards my face.

“I feel hot, Dalton. Like I’m going to faint.”

“Shit!” He growled, picking me up in his arms.

My eyes rolled around and shut. Darkness took over as the concerned voices of Dalton, Ben, and Johnson filled my head. Dalton wasted no time interrogating Johnson, wanting to know who gave me a drink and exactly what was in it. As soon as Angelica was located, she was herded out to where Dalton stood, holding me in his arms.

“What the fuck did your steroid injecting friends put in Cassie’s drink?”

I came to, opening my eyes to find a glossy scene just before me. My head was fine, but my stomach continued to roil, making me feel like round two was on its way up.

“Nothing. She had some of the jungle punch that everyone is drinking. What happened?”

“I’ve never fucking trusted you, and you just proved why I was right about you all along. You slipped something into her drink, you jealous bitch.”

“Fuck you, Dalton. I didn’t do anything.”

“What the fuck do you call this?” Dalton asked, handing me off to Ben. “She’s been throwing up, and blacking out. All after she drank whatever the fuck that concoction of yours was. Not to mention Johnson is sick as well. I ought to have your ass written up for this.”

“Dalton, you’re overreacting—”

“Overreacting? I know you supposedly befriended someone who you hated with a passion, and now, when she shows up to your party, she and my roommate are fucking sick and puking their brains out.”

“I’m just a roommate now,” Johnson slurred.

“Shut up! We have to get Cassie to a hospital and fast. I don’t know what she drank, and I’m scared she might have been drugged.”

Angelica yelled something as Ben carried me away, following after Dalton, who had Johnson draped over his shoulder. I was much too sick, feeling much too vulnerable to say anything, but I instantly felt safe. No matter what, I knew that Dalton would take care of me.

“Take her keys and drive Johnson in her truck. I’ll take her in my car,” Dalton ordered, taking my keys from my pocket and tossing them at Ben.

I was loaded into the car and sped back to base, bypassing the guard shack at the front gate as Dalton hurried us to the emergency lane of the base hospital. A longing feeling tugged at me as I remembered the last time I was here, in Alex’s arms, hoping and praying that Allen hadn’t irrevocably damaged me. I hated that I was back in the place where I had felt my lowest, and my better half, my partner, my life line, wasn’t here to make sure that everything was okay.

Fear instantly gripped me as I thought back to that drink, and how stupid I had been to take a cup of something that smelled like death without knowing exactly what was in it. Alex would be so angry with me. Tears fell down my face as I thought about how helpless he would feel, knowing what I was going through, and how lonely I felt without him by my side.

“Pfc. Cassie Bennett,” Dalton said to the nurse at the counter. “She was at a party, and I think she’s been drugged. My roommate has been as well.”

The nurse checked me in and immediately took me back to a room where my clothes were removed and I was dressed into a gown. My stomach still rumbled and rolled, making me sick as sweat began to fill my face. If they could just make this feeling go away, I swore to myself that I would never drink again…ever!

“What did you have to drink, hon?” the nurse asked. She was a young civilian who looked no older than myself.

“Something called jungle juice. I was at a party,” I managed to make out before vomiting into the bucket she had placed on my lap when she first came in.

She wrote meticulously while watching the clock and taking my vitals. A tray sat to my right, and she immediately started an IV, pumping fluids into my body as I continued to expel whatever was lingering around inside of me.

“I’ll just need to get some blood from you. Okay, Cassie?” the nurse yelled as if I were going deaf.

I nodded, feeling exhausted and worn out. The prick of the needle was barely noticeable as I drifted off into what felt like a year’s worth of sleep. When I awoke, Dalton was sitting uncomfortably in the chair by my side, staring at the sterile, hospital walls. His face lit up with excitement at the blinking of my eyes, making him sit up and take my hand in his.

“How is Johnson?”

“He’s okay. I just left his room about thirty minutes ago.”

“Where’s the nurse? What did they roofie me with?”

“Shhhh…” he chided, placing a wet cloth on my forehead. “We don’t know yet. Still waiting on test results.” He kissed the top of my hand, then stood and paced the room.

“You know, when these test results come back, I’m personally going to see to it that Angelica never wears our fucking uniform again. It’s one thing to dislike a person, but to fucking drug them…and not just you, but Johnson as well. I can’t deal with this. This has gone much too fucking far, and she is going to get her due.”

“Dalton,” I croaked, my mouth dry.

“Don’t Cassie. Just don’t. I feel like I need to be Alex right now, bashing people’s fucking faces into walls and shit. I’m fucking pissed about this.”

“We’re still in the hospital,” I weakly murmured.

“I don’t care! This envious, spiteful bullshit could have seriously hurt you and Johnson. I fucking hate—”

The nurse walked back in, her face full of surprise as she barged in on Dalton’s tirade.

“Is she going to be okay? Please tell me she’s going to be fine?”

She flashed his a quick smile, then turned back to me. “Cassie, you are going to be just fine.”

“And what about Johnson? How is he doing?”

“We’ll get to him in a minute. But Cassie, I need to ask you some questions. Did you eat anything at this party? Or even before it?”

“No,” I mumbled, utterly confused at what this had to do with anything.

“How much of that punch did you have?”

“Just one cup. It was a full cup, but only one.”

“Okay.”

“How much is in my system? How long as I going to be here?”

“You weren’t drugged at all, Cassie. You’re pregnant, and the effects of drinking with no food on your stomach and apparently very little water caused your body to break down.”

The rest of her words fell on deaf ears. She continued explaining things, but as her mouth moved, her words dissipated into thin air like particles of water. She hadn’t just said what she’d just said. There was no way what she was telling me was true, and even if it were true, I couldn’t believe what she had just told me.

“Cassie…Cassie,” she called out. I turned and looked her in the face, my eyes bloodshot and burning. “We’ll have the OB come in and see you. He’ll go over what steps you need to take next. Congratulations.”

I looked over to Dalton and burst into tears, followed by the violent eruption of another round of putrid vomiting. My mind raced with how this had happened, what Alex’s reaction to it would be, and how I would ever gather up the courage to tell him.

The more I thought, the sicker I became. Dalton did everything in his power to try and calm me down, which did nothing for me. Three nurses and the doctor filed into the room, each of them hurriedly moving to take a task in trying to stabilize me. Dalton held my hand, never letting go as pills were placed into my mouth and forced down my throat with a long gulp of water and the massaging of one of the nurse’s hands. Fans were placed in my direction and turned on while my blankets were changed over me. The doctor began talking, and the room started spinning, making me fling my head back against the pillow, praying that it would stop and the nausea that accompanied it would go away. This was my worst nightmare come true, and the person who I wanted most was the same person that I wholeheartedly feared.

The inner turmoil of having such conflicting emotions led me to break down emotionally and I laid in the bed, attempting to listen to the doctor speak to me as tears rushed down my face.

“We’ll just give you a moment, Pfc. Bennett,” the doctor said before leaving Dalton and I alone.

He stared at me with concern etched into his face, his big blue eyes begging me to speak, but I couldn’t make out the words. The tears slowed, but my breathing was still erratic. Pregnant? The word was terrifying, so much so that I couldn’t bring myself to speak it. I had been here before. Pregnant by someone who I loved, but unmarried and unsure of the fallout that was to come. I felt stupid and low, painfully aware that history was repeating itself, and I was allowing it to happen.

“I have no idea why you’re so distraught. You are going to have a beautiful baby with the love of your life. And if it’s the alcohol, I’m sure you’re fine. It’s early.”

I regained my composure, then finally brought myself to speak. “Dalton, it’s not that simple.”

“What’s not? You’ve said yourself that Alex wants babies with you. Well, here you go.”

My eyes burned as tears threatened to spill out again. “We speak in future terms all of the time. I highly doubt he meant right now. I sure as hell didn’t. I’m unmarried and pregnant. This is not what I had planned for myself.”

“So get married. It’s not like you two weren’t planning on getting married anyway. And besides, if you two weren’t stubborn as hell, you’d be married right now.”

Silence fell over the room as I took in Dalton’s words. I understood his standpoint but still felt uneasy about the situation. The facts were the facts: Alex was gone, we weren’t married, I hadn’t been drugged, and I was indeed, pregnant.

My head began to spin as I came to grips with my reality. Fear gripped me and held me down, never allowing my mind to travel to the possibility that Alex would be thrilled by this. I couldn’t get there. We had plans for a family, but not this soon in our lives, and knowing that things would irrevocably change for us was another step into the unknown. The unknown held greater powers that any other entity in our lives. It was big, dark, and terrifying. It had me in its clutches and wouldn’t let me go.

No matter what Dalton said, I couldn’t find my way out of it.

“Hey, Ben just texted me. Johnson just has alcohol poisoning, no drugs. Thought you’d be happy to hear that.”

I forced a smile, the pain of it not allowing my face to stay in that form for too long. “I’m happy to hear that.”

Dalton sat down on the bed next to me and held my head to his chest as he rubbed the back of my head. “Cassie, it’s scary right now because you’re allowing your mind to go to the negative. Think about the positive. You and Alex, creating life is awesome.”

“I wish I could be so optimistic.”

“You can, and you will. Just stick with me. I’ll help you get there.” Dalton pulled away, kissed my forehead, then stared into my eyes.

“We are a lovely pair, aren’t we?” I asked, finally allowing a bit of humor to filter through in my voice. “The knocked-up girl, and her man-whore best friend. Like peanut butter and jelly.”

“Spaghetti and meatballs.”

Laughter burst from my body, shocking us both. My emotions were all over the place. One moment I was a crying mess, and the next I was unable to contain my amusement. It was a strange place to be in.

“Seriously, what are you going to do about Ben and Johnson?”

Dalton exhaled harshly, running his fingers through his hair. “I really don’t know. I like them both.”

“You can’t have both, Dalton. You know that.”

“I know. I just have no clue what to do about it.”

“My love life is a fucking roller coaster, so I really don’t know what to tell you, but make a choice before you get in too deep.”

A light knock on the door gave way to Ben slowly creeping inside. “Hi, Cassie. How are you feeling?”

Ben was adorable. He stood a good four or five inches shorter than Dalton, but had a firm physique, and the same illuminating blue eyes that Dalton had. He was soft-spoken but confident, and I could see why Dalton liked him.

“I’ve been better, but thanks for asking,” I replied, smiling to put him at ease.

Ben returned my smile, then turned to Dalton, looking a bit more serious. “Can I talk to you outside?”

Dalton nodded, then stood and followed Ben out of the room. They didn’t go far. I could see them from my bed—hands flying, shaking heads, Dalton’s stern face.

Both guys calmly walked back into the room, and Ben gave me a hug before wishing me well, then turned to Dalton.

“I’ll be at the hotel. Call me in the morning.”

“I will,” Dalton somberly replied.

My heart ached for both of them. They obviously cared for one another, but Johnson was a sticking point, and rightfully so.

Ben walked out of the room, and Dalton plopped down in the chair next to my bed. He ran his hands through his hair again and sighed loudly. “Looks like we’re both alone and scared, doll.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re knocked up, and I’m a man-whore,” he sarcastically remarked, smiling at me.

His words brought my reality gushing back to the surface, smacking me in the face with the fact that I was indeed knocked up, and I had a hot-headed, temperamental boyfriend to spill the beans to. I took Dalton’s hand and kissed the top, then laid it down on the bed. “Peanut butter and jelly,” I softly said.

“Spaghetti and meatballs,” he chimed in.

We fell asleep in that position, our hands held tightly together. We were both afraid and vulnerable, but being in the company of one another allowed those feelings to dissipate, and the comfort that we seemed to bring one another was more than enough to whisk us away to a pleasant sleep.

A sleep that I desperately needed.

Chapter 19

Alex

Shit was only getting worse the longer that I was stuck in this hell hole of a desert. I’d had little to no contact with Cassie, and it was beginning to make me lose what little self-control that I had. The kidnapped American contractors were found—beheaded with their bodies lying in an open grass field with their heads not far away. A group of kids found the bodies while playing soccer, located the Marines in the area, and the search for the men was called off.

Sleep was hard to come by. Mortar shells pummeled the base almost every single night, leaving us on high alert with little to no rest. Luckily, the guys shooting were wholly inaccurate, leaving us more flustered and frustrated than anything else. LCpl. Avery was still a nervous little fucker, but he was doing much better since the night I’d had to damn near threaten his life if he ever discounted another one of ours.

Not everything was shit on a stick with a black cloud hovering above it. LCpl. White received mail with pictures of his pregnant wife showing off their child growing inside of her. He teared up at the sight, making me realize that as badly as I wanted to move on with my life with Cassie, I didn’t want to bring a kid into the mix until I was out. This life we led was too much, and with two active duty parents, our kid wouldn’t stand a chance.

Cpl. Vega revealed that he had a girlfriend, and she was moving to Twentynine. She was finding a place to stay that they would be able to call home. In this fucking wasteland that we were calling home for the next few months, any bit of good news from home was enough to put a smile on our faces. Other than that, there really wasn’t much to smile about.

I got a letter from Cassie, just detailing the day to day shit going on with her, and as boring as it probably was for her to write it out, I held on to it. I read it over and over again until I’d damn near memorized it. Her getting up, PTing, going to the chow hall, working, then going home and doing close to nothing put a smile on my face. She was safe. She was able to move about freely and without worry which was a luxury we weren’t afforded in a combat zone.

I read her letter every night before I attempted sleep, and many mornings her letter was still in my hands when I woke. It was my only piece of normalcy, and I had to hold tight to it or else I would succumb to the insanity of where I was.

Good news finally came a few weeks later when First Sergeant Keating informed me that I’d be pinning on Staff Sergeant. Unfortunately, because of the nature of our surroundings, there would be no ceremony. I’d be pinned, and that would be that. I was okay with it, considering only a couple of months earlier, I thought I’d never see this promotion. If they decided to pin me in the middle of a deserted street, I’d take it.

I met First Sergeant Keating and our Company Commander, Captain Lucas, in their work quarters. Captain Lucas greeted me with a warm handshake, but First Sergeant Keating was a little milder. We hadn’t spoken about our blow up since the night it happened, but there was a thin layer of friction between us that was mutually shared, so the relationship was business only. We were the only people in the room, solidifying the fact that the pomp and circumstance of my previous promotions was an after-thought.

Captain Lucas held my warrant in his hand as he approached me. “Because of our circumstances, we’ll just do a small and quick promotion for you, Sergeant Cruz.”

First Sergeant Keating read the award warrant—long, drawn out, and lacking any real sort of emotion. The man was overworked and unenthusiastic about almost everything he did, but I didn’t care because, at the end of this, I would finally have my rank. They both stood, one at each of my sides, and removed the Sergeant chevrons from my collar and replaced them with the Staff Sergeant chevrons: three chevrons with the cross rifles in the middle and a rocker on the bottom. This was a moment of pride, and one that I thought would never come.

First Sergeant O’Hara gave every ounce of himself to try and keep me from attaining my rank, but alas, he’d failed, and the feel of it sitting on my collar was the ultimate testament to everything I’d given to the Corps with a mighty fuck you to O’Hara to go along with it.

“Anything you’d like to say, Staff Sergeant Cruz?” Keating asked.

“Just thank you,” I responded, remaining composed.

“All right, get your ass back to work,” Keating said, turning away and going back to work.

I left the building and headed straight for the phone center, not wanting to wait a second longer before sharing the big news with Cassie. If my ceremony had been at home, she would have been the person to pin me, but since that couldn’t happen, I wanted to make sure she was the first person to hear about it.

The phone rang and rang before a very tired voice answered on the other line. I didn’t bother to check the time, nor did I really give a shit. My excitement was through the roof, and the one and only person who I cared to share it with was halfway across the world.

“Hello…”

“Hey, Blondie!” I responded. “Guess what finally fucking happened?”

“What?”

“Your man just pinned on the rocker, baby. I’m a fucking Staff Sergeant now.”

“What?” her voice finally awakened. “Are you serious? You got it?”

“I fucking got it. E-six, baby. E-six.”

“I’m so proud of you, Alex. So damn proud. And it’s good because we’ve got—”

Guys were coming in left and right, yelling that we needed to saddle up and go—now! The commotion had everyone dropping their calls in a frenzy, leaving me no choice but to do the same.

“Blondie, I’m sorry. I have to go. I’ll call back when I can.”

“Alex—”

The line went dead. I looked up to find some huge fucking Gunny holding down the line. “All Marines out, now!”

Whatever was going on was serious, so I knew that this was not the time to start shit. I ran to my tent, dressed in my gear and met up at the motor pool. We stood in formation, heated air pummeling our faces. First Sergeant Keating had the same emotionless face staring back at us, only his voice carried a spark that I hadn’t heard since we’d gotten into our altercation over Avery.

“Marines, there is too much fucking activity happening outside of these walls. These motherfuckers are relentless, if not stupid, but regardless, we need to ramp up the pressure on these assholes. The contractors are a done deal, but we know they are planning more shit, and earlier this afternoon, some of your brothers were ambushed. They came out alive, but the activity hasn’t let up, so we’re sending more of you out to crush this shit.”

“Oorah! Oorah, First Sergeant!” A chorus of yells. “Get some!”

The motivation was through the fucking roof, and I would have been lying if I said the echo of the calls wasn’t resonating with me, sending goose bumps surging up all over my arms, prompting me to yell out with them. I’d seen more than my share of the shit this place could dish out, but the fact that the terrorists were growing bolder, almost as if they were no longer afraid of what we were capable of, infuriated and excited me all at once.

“We’re gonna show these bastards that they’re messing with the baddest motherfuckers to ever walk this earth!” Vega yelled out, clasping my shoulder as we walked out to our assigned vehicle.

“Fucking right!” I responded, bounding into the back of the Humvee.

The vehicle pulled off of the base grounds, dropping us into the heart of the town of Fallujah. There was nothing out of the ordinary; a busy town center with kids playing soccer, shoppers shopping, and patrons sitting curbside as they sipped tea and enjoyed conversation. To the untrained eye, it would almost exude a very American feel, except I had been before, and I had seen what this scene could instantly turn into.

On my first deployment, I had been on patrol in an environment not much different from this one, and in the blink of an eye, a woman had blown herself and about fifty other people up when she detonated the suicide bomb strapped to her body. Because the women were always covered, it was easy for them to mix in with the crowd and go undetected until it was too late. Our training had taught us to watch for suspicious activity and excess movement. Unfortunately, with a crowd in this tight space, it wasn’t always easy to watch out for the wrong doers.

We took off on our patrol route, casing the area for any activity that could be deemed as threatening. The farther away from the town center that we strayed, the less activity that there was to be found.

It was hot—that was a fucking understatement since it was always hot, but today seemed hotter than usual. White had Avery close to him, and thankfully, while he was still scared of every fucking thing that moved, he’d learned to compose himself.

“Man, we should stop for some water,” Vega suggested, pulling out his canteen.

I halted the rest of the platoon who stood in the ready position while Vega hydrated. The winds were picking up, and sand was flying everywhere. I silently prayed that it kept to a minimum. An Iraqi sandstorm was the last thing we needed being out in the middle of Fallujah. Sandstorms put a halt on everything because visibility went down to zero and getting back to a vehicle becomes damn near impossible, leaving us vulnerable to any attack by desperate insurgents. My life had become one of casual paranoia, always aware of the dangers lurking behind the scenes, and desperate to survive in a land where many lives were claimed on a daily basis.

“I’m ready,” Vega announced, sticking his canteen back into the pocket on his Kevlar.

We humped all the way to the edge of the city, weaving in and out of residential streets, but finding nothing of much importance. As we began our descent back to the city center, I struck up conversation with Vega.

“How long have you been with your girl, man?”

“Going on five years now. We’ve been together since high school.”

“What’s kept you from marrying her?”

“She was in college back home and didn’t want to up and move out to Twentynine. I couldn’t blame her. The place is a shithole.”

“Hey…” White chimed in, “I met my wife in Twentynine. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“You met your wife in Twentynine?” Vega asked, almost as if he were disgusted by this newfound information.

“Yep, met her at the Twentynine Palms car show. She had a kick ass Chevelle in the show, and I fell in love.”

We laughed as his face relived that fateful moment, smiling wide with a dreamy look in his eye.

“Did you fall in love with her or with the damn car?” I asked.

“Both, but I can’t fuck the car, so I guess I fell harder for her.” We all laughed, knowing full well that he was serious. “When I get home, I’m buying and restoring a Shelby.”

“What about your kid on the way?” Vega asked.

“I’ll let him ride in it,” White joked, making us all laugh again. “No kids for you, Staff Sergeant?”

“Nope, no kids.”

“Look at you. Raking in all of this Staff pay and no one to spend it on.”

“Well, I’ve got a girlfriend but no kids. We’re gonna wait a while on that. She’s active, so we need to plan shit out first.”

“Makes sense.”

We strolled back into the edge of the residential portion of the city where the boys who were playing soccer continued to play. We caught their attention, making them abandon their game and sprint over to us.

“Mister…mister! Chocolate, mister?”

We immediately went into defense mode until the kids held up their hands and showed that they were unarmed.

“I have nothing,” Vega responded, shrugging his shoulders.

“Please, Mister.”

“Here you go,” I called out, holding out a handful of jolly ranchers. It wasn’t chocolate, but these fucking kids were begging, and beggars couldn’t be choosy.

They snatched them up in a hurry, scratching the palm of my hand in the process. One boy stood back, disappointment filling his face. He stuck his tongue out at me before turning and running off with the other boys, their mouths full of candy and shouting at one another in a friendly Arabic tone.

“I can’t wait ‘til I’m home, sitting up and drinking a beer,” White said, starting conversation again.

“A beer? Your ass is nineteen, you little shit,” Vega joked.

“Yeah, but my wife is twenty-one.”

I was quickly learning that White, while he was a little hardened from being battle tested, was also a joker. His look may have reminded me of Dalton, but his personality was Riley all the way. Hanging out and patrolling with these guys made me miss my boys back home. I missed the camaraderie, the binge fests…the shit talk. I missed it all.

“What about you, Avery?”

“What about me?” he asked quietly, refusing to look any of us in the eye. He was a strange fucking guy, and even though he had reigned in his fear, his demeanor never put me at ease.

“What do you have waiting for you at home?” White asked sarcastically.

“Nothing. A barracks room.”

“Well, aren’t you just full of fucking excitement,” I chided, annoyed with him and his lack of any sort of emotion. I knew he hated Iraq. Hell, we all did, but his attitude was downright dreadful.

“I’m sorry, Staff Sergeant. I just…I miss home.”

“We all do, boy. Suck your shit up and do your time. Be thankful this isn’t a full deployment and we’ll all get out of here sooner rather than later.”

“Up ahead, Staff Sergeant,” White called out, raising his weapon.

There were a couple of young boys running our way. They raised their hands as they approached, breathing hard with eyes bulging from their faces.

“Mister, please come. Please.”

“What is it?” I asked, skeptical but wanting to appear helpful.

“Trouble, sir. Please come, Mister.”

We followed the boys around the corner of a house, where the rest of the boys stood, none of them moving an inch.

“That man, Mister,” the boy said, pointing to an older man walking away from the house.

“Hey,” I barked at the man, startling him. “Ta-aal.”

He turned and slowly began walking our way. I motioned for him to raise his hands, showing that he wasn’t armed with anything that could potentially harm any of us.

“Qef?” I asked the young boy, wanting to know exactly why we were apprehending the man.

“Bomb, Mister. Bomb.”

“Anya?”

“There,” the boy responded, pointing in the direction of where the man was seen fleeing from.

There was no such thing as being too careful, and I knew that one false move, or even just a stroke of bad luck, and this could be it for me.

Silence was prevalent as I cautiously approached the place where the boy said the bomb was located, and my boots crunching on dead grass was the only sound permeating my ear drums. It was as if the world turned silent; no voices and no noises. Just me, my boots and the crunch. My stomach tossed with every step I took, my heart beating erratically as I edged closer to my demise. If this were how I would go out, it sucked to fucking high heaven.

Flashes of Cassie’s beautiful face filled my mind. I wanted to remember the good in my life, not what I was ultimately coming face to face with.

After walking what felt like the green mile, I spotted a black trash bag sitting out in the open field behind the house. It blew in the wind, finally being swept up into the air with a strong gust. My stalled heart began to beat again with the realization that there was nothing but trash in that bag and that the man had been stopped as he was trying to take it out. Frustration and anger sped through my body as I realized that I gotten myself worked up over nothing. I hurried back to where the guys were holding the man and the boy.

“There was nothing there,” I growled, scowling at the boy. “Did you check him? If he’s clean, you can let him go.”

“He’s good, Staff Sergeant,” Vega responded.

The man thanked us, then turned and walked back off in the direction that we had found him. The boy broke out in a fit of laughter, holding his belly as he pointed at me, further pissing me off.

“You scared, American soldier. You so very scared.”

I lost my shit, grabbing the boy and planting my face square with his. “This is not a fucking game! You don’t fuck around like that! You can cost one of my fucking guys their lives, or even yours. You understand that? I ought to whoop your little ass—”

“Staff Sergeant, put him down,” Vega called out.

It took me a second to realize what he was saying. My anger was clouding my mind. I had just stepped over to what I presumed to be a device meant to destroy me and my fucking boys, and this shithead kid could do nothing but laugh because he had set me up all along. I wanted to teach his little ass a lesson, but there was nothing I could do that wouldn’t come back to me with dire consequences.

Once I released the boy, he stood there and continued to laugh, pointing at me as he did so. The fury inside of me brewed to the surface, spilling out as I stepped in front of him, praying to myself to find some self-control before I did something I would absolutely regret. My hands lunged for him before I could think straight, pushing him down to the ground as I placed my knee into his back. I would restrain him and allow someone else to deal with his ass because if I did anything to satisfy my mind, my career would be over in a heartbeat.

“Let him go, Staff Sergeant. Let go,” White called out. He and Vega pulled me off the boy.

Avery stood with his weapon in the ready position pointed at the boy. His eyes bulged, and his breathing labored, but there was a relative calm about him. I couldn’t say the same about myself. This kid had riled me up and there was no bringing me back from it—not at the moment.

“You can’t do that,” Vega chimed in, pulling on my arm. “You’ll start all kinds of shit.”

“Fuck that kid and fuck the rules!” I yelled back. “Do you have any fucking idea what that shit head just sent us through? I just walked into a would-be trap. That kid deserves to have his little ass kicked.”

Vega turned me around, switching positions with me. We stared into one another’s eyes, both wide with adrenaline, stern faced and breathing hard.

“I know, but we’ve got to—”

Vega’s hand shot up to his neck, his speech slurring as he panted for breath. He fell to the ground, his hand now filled with his own blood, erupting from his neck.

“Sniper fire! Sniper fire!” I yelled. “Call for Corpsman! Call for Corpsman!”

I had no idea who made the call. My sole focus was on Vega as I pulled him into the corridor for safety. Blood splattered on my hands, chest and face—the metallic smell and taste all too familiar to me. Vega was in bad shape, his breathing labored as he lay in my arms.

“Hold on, Vega. Help is coming, man. Hold on.”

I applied pressure to the wound and performed CPR, but nothing seemed to help him. The blood, no matter how much pressure I applied, continued to spurt from his neck. He began to shake uncontrollably as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. I tried again to perform CPR on him, this time bringing him back to me.

“You fucking hold on! You’re one of the baddest motherfuckers to ever walk the earth, so you fight, dammit!” Blood gurgled in his mouth, splashing my face once again.

Gun shots rattled off just outside of the corridor as our boys engaged in an intense fire fight with the insurgents who had done this to Vega. Dust kicked up as I watched Avery take cover and fire off a few rounds. Vega’s struggle for breath brought me back to him. He inhaled deeply, gasping for breath as the blood leaving his neck continued to flow.

Christen finally made his way inside the corridor, firing off a couple of shots before he could safely make his way inside. Vega began shaking uncontrollably as the blood pooled in his open mouth and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Vega was a damn good Marine and had too much to live for to go out like this.

“Help him, Doc! Fucking help him!” I cried out, my voice emotional and pleading.

Petty Officer Christen dropped to his knees and applied stronger pressure to Vega’s neck, but the laborious breaths coming from his body only a minute later were no more. I frantically tried to open his eyes and get him to come back once again, but it was in vain. I wouldn’t allow myself to reconcile my mind with his death, and I pushed Christen off of him and began to apply CPR to him once again.

“Staff Sergeant, he’s gone,” Christen somberly said.

I didn’t care what he had to say. I had every reason to get Vega back home and in one piece. I was consumed with the idea of this fucker getting home to marry his high school sweetheart. That was all that was on my mind.

“Staff Sergeant”

“Fuck off!” I yelled, tears burning my eyes and threatening to spill. “We don’t give up on our brothers!”

He sat back and watched me work, knowing full well that there was nothing more to be done. I heard the chirp of the radio as he called in for transport.

“They’re coming for him, Staff Sergeant. You did everything you could do.”

My tears hit Vega’s face as I let him go, mixing with the blood that had splattered it only minutes earlier.

“Fuuuuuucccckkkkkkk!” I yelled, standing and kicking the wall repeatedly. I hated everything and everyone. I hated Iraq…I hated that kid…but most of all, I hated myself. I had lost my fucking cool out there, and if it hadn’t been for Vega trying to calm me down, he would have never been standing where he stood, and I would have been the one to take that bullet.

Anger and guilt swirled through me, causing me to kick violently at the walls, the rocks, and anything that I could get my boots on.

The bullets subsided as the transport crew made their way inside of the corridor and wrapped Vega up before loading him into the back of the vehicle. My head hurt as I struggled with my new reality. The vision of Vega taking that bullet…his stunned eyes and the blood splattering from his wound played over and over in my mind as I walked behind the crew. This would haunt me as long as I lived, and the guilt of it all had already begun to consume me.

“Stay on alert,” the Staff Sergeant from the crew called out.

I sat in the back of the vehicle next to Vega’s body as we navigated through the now darkened city. Shots were fired as we made a right out of the neighborhood, giving the shooter’s positions away. They were wholly inaccurate now that it was dark, and we were moving, but we fired back in hopes that we’d hit one or more anyway. I grabbed for the radio, calling into base and reaching one of Keating’s Comm guys.

“We’re taking heavy fire!” I yelled over the commotion. White had moved over to cover me and Vega as I placed the call. “We see the direction of the fire. Should we engage?”

“No, Staff Sergeant. Return back to base. That is an order. Air strike is being sent out.”

“Roger that.”

I dropped the radio and joined in on the fight. Before long, we were back at the base gates, pulling in with one less guy alive and in one piece.

The crew dropped all of us off at the front tent area. I didn’t immediately exit the vehicle, instead staying behind with Vega and resting my hand on his lifeless body.

“I’m so sorry, man. I’m so fucking sorry,” I cried out. My heart hurt more than I comprehend, and I did nothing to stop the tears from flowing. “I’m going to personally make sure your girlfriend knows just how much you loved her. Rest in peace, brother.”

My stomach rolled with the thought of what she had done for him and how she would never see his face again. The familiar and agonizing smell and taste of blood filled my senses, making me sick with grief and guilt. I looked down at Vega’s covered body and placed myself there, realizing that it should have been me in his place.

“We need to get his body off, Staff Sergeant,” one of the crewmen calmly said.

I turned and looked at him, empty and stunned. Vega had died right there in my arms, and no amount of anything I did stood a snowball’s chance in hell of bringing him back. Christen finally pulled me away, and the crew took off in the opposite direction with the body of one of the best fucking Marines I had ever had the pleasure of serving with.

“It’s okay, Staff Sergeant. It’s okay—”

“It isn’t fucking okay!” I cried out, clenching my bloody fists at my side. “It’s not motherfucking okay. That man is dead. We lost a fucking brother out there. Nothing about that shit is okay.”

First Sergeant Keating walked out from one of the tents and strolled right up to me, grabbing me by the head and pulling me into his chest. “Let it out, son. Let it out.”

I wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted from me, but my anger was already boiling out, and I was close to going on a fucking rampage, destroying everything in my line of sight. I grabbed and held tightly to the back of his cammie blouse, tears once again burning and threatening to spill from my eyes. I sniffled a couple of times, working extra hard to keep my tears firmly inside.

“Go get yourself cleaned up, then come and see me.”

White took me by the arm and marched me into my tent, then over to the showers. He stood outside the shower the entire time, listening to me wail on the walls and on myself, cursing myself for allowing and watching my fucking brother die in my arms. As badly as I wanted to cry, I was much too furious to do so. Instead, the frustration of the day’s events settled into a sitting, but pounding headache that left me with blurry vision and the urge to vomit.

“You all right, Staff Sergeant?” White asked. I ignored him, my mouth painfully dry and unable to speak. “Staff Sergeant…”

I forcefully made my way out of the shower, meeting White’s stoic eyes. He escorted me back to my tent where I got dressed in sweats and a PT t-shirt. As badly as I wanted it to stop, the vision of Vega, alive and well one minute, then dying in my arms the next replayed over and over in my mind. It was agonizingly, slow torture, put on repeat for my torment.

“First Sergeant wants—”

“I know what he fucking wants!” I barked, then shoved the tent covers away and stepped out. We walked in slow silence to Keating’s office tent where he firmly greeted me, then waved White off. Keating and I had traded expressions—me completely devoid of emotion while he looked on with great concern.

“I’m sorry about what happened to Vega, but the rest of you boys did just what the fuck you were trained to do. Sometimes we lose some, son. That’s war.”

I looked up at him, never moving my head. I knew everything he was saying was true, but that didn’t take the sting or the hurt away.

“This is the fucking universe raining down on you all in one day.”

His cryptic words caught my attention, finally urging me to speak. “What do you mean, First Sergeant?”

“Well, I was waiting until after the mission, but there is no good fucking way to deliver the news now.”

My heart beat frantically with every word he spoke. It seemed like his voice slowed, and whatever he needed to tell me was never going to leave his mouth.

“You’re heading home tonight. A Red Cross message came in for you and you need to get back. Go and the see the Chaplin while the boys pack up your stuff.”

Red Cross? My mind raced with possibilities as my heart rate sped up even faster. The words leaving First Sergeant Keating’s mouth were falling on deaf ears as I sat there, stunned, anxious, and feeling helpless. There was nothing worse than receiving a Red Cross message from home and knowing that there was nothing you could do. My hands clenched in anger. I was overwhelmed with all of the bullshit that had taken place out in the city, and now, hearing someone back home was hurt, it was too much to handle.

Was I being punished? It was all I could think about as Keating’s words continued to fall on deaf ears.

“Who is it?” I asked, coldly with a blank stare.

“Head off to the Chaplin, son. He’ll fill you in on everything you need to know and help you deal with it.”

“Who the fuck is it?” I yelled, my mind completely lost and not giving a shit about anything at the moment. Those threatening tears that never seemed to give up began to sting my eyes once again, one finally falling and racing down my cheek. My cheeks burned with the heat of frustration, and my mouth went cotton dry. Yelling at this point was an added punishment as it seemed my throat was being shredded by sharp shards of glass.

My heart beat so hard that it hurt, my eyes stung so badly that I could no longer keep them open, and my body tensed up so badly that I could no longer contain it. I began to tremble with the chills in over one hundred degrees weather and found myself unable to think straight. As tough as I thought I was, Iraq had a nasty grip on me and wasn’t letting go.

The Chaplain finally came into the tent just as Keating stepped out. He sat down in the seat next to me and began talking. I couldn’t come to grips with what he was saying as the emotional turmoil of the day pounded me like a helpless child.

His words sealed my fate, broke me down and forced all the pent-up aggression out of me.

Chapter 20

Cassie

“This hospital is going to know you so well, Cassie.”

“I know. I really hate that.”

Dalton had been by my side ever since the little accident I’d had at PT the day before. Even though I was mad at him, he was still my right hand while Alex was gone.

Things with Angelica had gone back to being tense, and I really couldn’t say that I expected anything different. Alex didn’t trust her, Dalton didn’t trust her, and when the drugging theories were floating around, it didn’t dawn on me to defend her because deep down I felt she was capable. She’d taken offense to that, and now we were right back where we started from, only dealing with one another when absolutely necessary. I’d apologized to her for shoveling the blame at her feet, which she accepted, but the damage had been done. Unfortunately, some people just aren’t meant to be friends, and after everything we’d been through, I chalked it up to Angelica and me being those people.

Dalton had fucked up royally where his love life was concerned, and I was pissed at him about it. Sure, it was his choice to be with whomever he wanted, but that was the thing. He hadn’t made a choice. He forced Ben out of his life by stating that he wouldn’t make a choice and wanted the freedom to be with both of them when he could. I couldn’t say that I blamed Ben for not agreeing with that plan. He didn’t live in California and would be giving up his life back home to be with Dalton, but the loss and hurt in Ben’s eyes had done me in, sparking tears that wouldn’t stop and fueling an anger so deep that I couldn’t speak Dalton’s name for a couple of days. I loved him only second to Alex, so our separation didn’t last long, but my empathy for Ben made me lash out at Dalton, striking a small, but reparable rift between us.

“So what’s the deal? What happened to you?”

“We were running that mountain trail towards the back of base and at the end of the run, I started cramping. I told Staff Sergeant Rappert that I just needed to stretch and go to the bathroom, and when I did, I was spotting.”

“None of them knows about the pregnancy?”

“No, it’s none of their business.”

“They are going to find out, Cassie. Might as well tell them. You need to chill out and take care of little Alex in there.”

An icy chill crept up my spine as I thought about Alex. I’d tried to tell him, but he was forced off the phone and I never got the words out. He’d made mention of kids before, but neither of us expected them this soon, and I wasn’t sure a child was best for us right now with everything that was happening. My mind played out scenarios of me telling him, his reaction to it, and my reaction to him. None of it was good, and fear came crawling back in, making me wish that I could avoid it altogether.

“I don’t think I can tell him, Dalton. We’ve just gotten back on solid ground.”

Dalton’s blue eyes turned stone cold, zeroing in on me. “Cassie, you better get that shit out of your head right now. Good or bad timing, this is your baby. A baby you two made together.”

Dalton’s concern finally hit me, shocking me a bit.

“Do you think? Wait! I would never do that, Dalton.”

His face relaxed as my words placated him. The icy stare he glared my way warmed with my words, and he took my hand, rubbing the top affectionately.

“I just know you’re scared and confused, so I wasn’t sure what was running through your head.”

“Well, rest assured. That was not.”

After what felt like forever, the nurse returned back to my room, and informed me that the cramping and spotting were absolutely normal. It was music to ears. The fear of Alex’s unhinged reaction to the news was still in the back of my mind, but I told myself I’d deal with his lunacy when the time came, and right now, just wasn’t that time.

I went to work the next day, claiming exhaustion and nothing more, then spent my night dodging my mother’s phone calls. She didn’t understand that when I said I was done with her, I really was done with her. I could have taken her calls, but her verbal lashings every time she got me on the phone with her was too much to bear, and right now, with everything that I had going on in my life, I just didn’t want to put myself through the unnecessary misery.

Dalton came over with food and movies, forcing himself to watch the likes of Mean Girls and the old school Babysitters Club Movie per my request. He hated them, but said if it meant spending time with me, he was all for it. Ben had altogether stopped talking to him, and things between him and Johnson had gone sour in a hurry. Dalton spent as little time in their shared room as possible, hoping and praying that his request for a new room would be approved sooner rather than later.

“Have you heard from Alex?”

“Nope, the last time I spoke to him he was rushed off of the phone. It was crazy, so I know something was up.”

“You aren’t still torturing yourself with the news, are you? You know they don’t report anything good.”

“I try not to, but it’s hard when everywhere you turn, Marines are dying around us. I never want that to be Alex.”

“Of course you don’t. But watching that shit fest on the news isn’t going to change things one way or another. Stop watching it. It’ll drive a sane person crazy, and you aren’t exactly sane.”

I hit his shoulder, then stood to make my way to the bathroom since the nausea had started to settle in.

“Hey!” Dalton called out. “You have a call from a four-eight-oh area code.”

“Hit ignore. It’s my mom, and I don’t want to speak to her.” I walked out of the bathroom.

“It’s not your mom. No name popped up here.”

“She’s probably just calling from a different number so I’ll answer the phone. I’m onto her shit, Dalton. Just hit ignore.”

He did, then got a call on his phone that made him jump up with excitement. “I’ll be back. It’s the barrack’s manager. Hopefully they are assigning me to my new room.”

“Enjoy. I’ll be here when you get back.”

He hurried out of the room, looking like he’d just struck it rich.

My voicemail chime went off. My mom had stopped leaving voicemails, so I decided to listen and was pleasantly surprised to hear one of my only friend’s from back home, Taylor, on the other end.

I immediately called her back, excited to hear from her. She had gone on a trip of self-discovery through the Alaskan wilderness and hadn’t had much contact with anyone during that time. She talked about meeting some fisherman up there, and her plans to uproot from the desert to the mountains, moving in with him and getting married. She’d spent six months up there and found out she was pregnant towards the end of her voyage, and couldn’t have been more thrilled about it. Her excitement prompted me to share my news, making her the first person outside of Dalton who knew about my pregnancy.

When I got off of the phone with Taylor, the nausea came roaring back, sending me running for the bathroom. I was beginning to hate life. With my first pregnancy, I hadn’t gone through this, and I was beginning to question why I was being subjected to it now.

Dalton returned, looking pissed off.

“What happened?” I managed to say, making my way back into my bed.

“They denied it. Said getting into a relationship with my roommate was no reason to move rooms. Basically, they don’t give a shit.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Anyway, are you okay? You don’t look good.”

“Just throwing my life up. I hate this shit. I’m even having a hard time keeping water down.”

“Keep your legs closed, and this won’t happen,” Dalton joked, prompting me to flash him a death stare.

My phone rang again, this time Adriana’s name popping up on the phone. My heart immediately sank as thoughts of my worst nightmare come true, but before I could answer the phone, tears sprang to my eyes, leaving me a complete mess. Dalton’s face contorted with confusion and concern. He grabbed my phone and answered it.

“Hello… wait… stop crying, I can’t understand you. What happened?”

Dalton’s words took a piece of me with every syllable spoken. Adriana was calling with the news I never wanted to hear, and I jumped from the bed and barely made it to the bathroom before what little was left in my stomach came violently erupting into the toilet bowl. Dalton was right behind me, holding my hair and rubbing my back as Adriana’s shrieking voice continued to fill the phone receiver. I couldn’t make out her words, but her voice was enough to send a fresh wave of panic over me, and another round of vomit into the bowl.

“Hold on, Adriana. I’ll have Cassie call you back.” He hung up the phone and helped me back to my bed. Fear shrouded every inch of me as I awaited the dreaded words that I knew he didn’t want to say. “Cassie…listen to me. Alex is fine…”

Alex is fine. My breathing finally settled, and the tears slowed dramatically.

“Alex’s mom is in the hospital, and it’s not looking good. Adriana wants you to go down there.”

“What? What happened to her?”

My heart broke and the tears came raging back. Imelda was Alex’s heart and soul. He loved her so much it hurt, and to know that he was close to losing her was probably the worst news that he could ever hear. My eyes burned and my throat went dry from the tears. How in the hell was I going to make the long drive from Twentynine to Orange County? The daunting task seemed near impossible as I began dry heaving, my stomach roiling with the turmoil of what Adriana was going through and what Alex would become if he lost his mom.

“I’ll take you down. I’m not letting you drive like this.”

“Dalton, I don’t know…”

“Cassie, shut up! Seriously! Stop overthinking everything and let’s go. That is your child’s grandmother. You need to be there.”

Without another word, Dalton swept me off of my feet, grabbed my cell phone, keys, and wallet, and carried me down to the truck. I was too weak to speak, too scared to think about what had happened, and afraid to hear the confirmation. My heart, the same heart that had broken so many times before, felt like it was beyond repair.

We drove the long, arduous drive in a stale silence. Dalton didn’t say much, and I didn’t prod. Whatever had happened to Imelda was sure to be life shattering, and I wasn’t ready to face head on.

Not yet.

++++

The lights of the Irvine Medical Hospital shined brightly as Dalton pulled in to the parking stall. I sent a quick text to Adriana, letting her know that we had made it. Upon entering the hospital, Adriana rushed towards us, throwing her arms around me and crying incessantly, prompting tears to leave my eyes as well.

“What’s going on, Adriana? What happened?”

Her sobs were uncontrollable, so I held her tighter as the elevator ascended, all the while fighting the nausea that was slowly threatening to send me barreling towards a bathroom. When the door chimed and opened, there was a hallway full of family, all displaying bloodshot eyes as the tears trickled down their faces. The mere sight made me utterly sick with grief, knowing that Alex was halfway across the world when his mother was in dire straits. Danny rolled over in his wheelchair, taking Adriana by the hand and pulling her down onto his lap.

“Hi, Cassie,” he greeted behind a still sobbing Adriana. “Thanks for coming. Imelda wanted you here.”

“How is she? What happened?”

He took a deep sigh, holding Adriana close as she continued to lose control on his shoulder.

“She was on her way to pick up Abel from his dad’s side of the family when a semi cut her off. She hit her brakes and the pickup behind her slammed into her, pinning her between the semi and the pickup.”

Adriana’s sobs turned to garish shrieks with the recollection of the accident. She jumped up from Danny’s lap, then turned and sprinted into the bathroom. Her reaction stoked something deep inside of me, sending me into a sobbing mess as I stood there listening to Danny speak.

“Imelda isn’t good. But she asked for you…”

“Danny!” A sharp voice called out, instantly shutting down our conversation. I knew the voice as none other than Guadalupe. The last time I had seen her, she had made it painfully obvious that she didn’t give two shits about me, and an instant chill settled over me as I turned and stared into her lifeless eyes. “Your tio needs you, Danny.”

Danny smiled weakly before rolling himself away, leaving me standing there with Guadalupe strolling towards me. Luckily Dalton wasn’t standing too far away, but even so, I felt like I was alone and I was about to be chewed up and violently spit back out. Guadalupe didn’t hold back with what she was feeling, and the look on her face, plus the absence of anything in her eyes, left me feeling vulnerable and alone.

“Cassie, you come,” she harshly commanded, motioning with her hand for me to approach her.

I looked back to Dalton who had exasperation and helplessness written all over his face. He was in over his head without a clue as to what his next move should be, so he stayed put like a silent support system.

“Why you come?” she asked, her tightly held face never cracking.

“Um…ah…Adriana called and asked me to,” I answered, wiping tears away.

“Hmm…you speak with Alejandro?”

“No, ma’am.”

“He’s coming,” she said, sending sparks off in my eyes with the shock of her words. There was still no emotion behind what she was saying, but she wasn’t cursing me out and sending me on my way, so I was taking what I could get. “Alejandro on his way”

“He’s… he’s coming? How?”

“He on his way,” she said, dismissing me, then walking the other way.

I hated how, even in such a troublesome time, she could still be so hateful, but now wasn’t the time to dwell on that. Alex’s family was torn to shreds over what had happened to Imelda, and that was where the focus should lie. Dalton took me in his arms, drawing a questioning eye from Guadalupe, but I didn’t care.

In the center of shit storm was the one bright spot: Alex would be coming home. A second later, dread settled over me as I thought about his well-being, his state of mind, and how he would react to all of this…to me.

Dalton took my hand and led me away from the crowd. The concern filling his face scared me into silence, leaving my heart at a standstill while I waited for whatever he had to say.

“Cassie, Alex is coming home, but it’s not going to be a happy reunion. I just want you prepared for that.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. His concern had been my own, so there was nothing more to worry about. “I know. I’m just glad he is coming home.”

“Okay. But don’t read into it if he’s distant. This will probably destroy him.”

“I’m sure it already has, but I need to find Adriana. I need to see how she’s doing.”

“Okay. Are you hungry?”

I shook my head, then went in search of Adriana. What I found shocked me, leaving me speechless. Adriana stood crying her eyes out, consoled by none other than Jensen. He was rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head in a very affectionate manner. My eyes shut, and I shook my head, wondering if my mind were playing tricks on me. Sure as hell, he was there, and the scene was very real. He looked up and stared into my eyes as I watched the intimacy between them, and a sudden jolt of nausea rocked me as I realized that he was here, Alex was on his way, and he was probably already broken into a million pieces. There really was no need for Jensen to be here, and the more I stared back at him, the more I hated what I knew was coming.

“Hi, Cassie,” he greeted, sending Adriana’s head up to meet my stare.

“Hi,” I managed. “Um, any word on your mom, yet?”

“Nothing,” Adriana responded through sniffles. “Alex should be here soon. Riley is picking him up from the airport.”

“Oh good. Does he know what happened?” I asked, unable to take my eyes off of Jensen.

“He knows.”

“Okay. Well, I’m going to have a seat over there and wait.”

“Cassie, I know you’re wondering about Brandon being here.” She stopped and looked up to him, her lips finally allowing a faint trace of a smile. “We’ve been seeing each other, and I need him here. Please understand.”

“I don’t have an opinion, but I’m sure Alex will, and it’s not what he needs right now. Make things easy on him, please.”

Neither of them said a word. I turned to Dalton and walked back to the waiting area, where we sat and waited for what like forever.

“You okay?” Dalton asked. “You don’t look so good.”

“How am I supposed to look, Dalton? My boyfriend’s mom is hanging on to her life by a thread.”

“You know what I mean. You’re damn near grey, Cassie. You should eat something.”

My eyes met Dalton’s, his serious expression dipped in a bit of concern. I wanted to counter him, but there was really nothing to say. I couldn’t eat. The mere thought of food sent me hurdling for the bathroom, and the last thing I wanted to do was to give my pregnancy away in front of Alex’s family before I’d even had a chance to fill him in. He needed time to process this life altering news, and in the hospital, where his mother’s life or death was sure to alter everyone else’s, I had to do everything in my power to keep the spotlight off of me, and where it belonged.

“Where is she?” I heard Alex’s husky voice, breaking me from my daydreams. He saw me and ran over to where I sat, sweeping me up in his arms and holding on to me like our lives depended on it. He kissed me hurriedly, breaking up the kisses with long intimate hugs. His face was worn down, his eyes bloodshot, but he was Alex, back in my arms and in one piece.

“Oh my gosh, Alex, you’re here. You’re really here. I love you so much.”

“I’m here, Blondie, I’m here.” I looked around to find Nat and Riley walking up, both subdued as they approached the family filled waiting area.

“How are you? How are you taking the news of your mom?”

Alex stood me up on my own two feet, taking my face in his hands as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “I think I’ve cried every tear that I can cry. How the fuck did this happen? Why my mom?” His voice cracked, his face contorted, but he didn’t give in to the emotions.

“I don’t know…”

“Alejandro, ven aca.” Guadalupe hurried towards us, a fresh set of tears falling from her eyes. “Alejandro, esta aquí.”

It warmed my heart to see the love brewing between them again. The last time I had seen them together, Guadalupe was lambasting me and disowning Alex. I didn’t know what came about his departure visit, but what mattered was what my eyes witnessed in that moment. I couldn’t have been happier.

“I’m fine, Abuelita. I’just want to know about my mom. Where’s Adriana?”

My heart sank with the question. Alex finding out about Adriana was about to set off fireworks that no one really needed at the moment, but before I could say anything, she and Jensen came walking back with coffee in hand.

“Alex. Oh my gosh, Alex, you’re here. In one fucking piece.” Adriana bounded into Alex’s arms, hugging him tight and crying hysterically onto his shoulder. Alex held her tightly, both of them allowing their tears to express what words simply could not. “We need you here, Alex. Please don’t leave again. Please.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Adriana. I’m here.”

Jensen came into view, and Alex’s demeanor completely shifted, his shoulders tensing as Jensen approached. I had seen the look of murder in Alex’s eyes before and here it was again, ready to attack at any given second.

“What the fuck is this dick doing here?” Alex growled, placing Adriana down on her feet and slowly making his way over to Jensen. My heart began to race as I watched Alex move in a slow, calculating manner. My hope was that he’d refrain since his family was right there, watching his every move, but it was almost as if none of them existed.

“This is a private family matter, Jensen. Get the fuck out.”

“Adriana asked me to come, so I’m staying.”

Alex’s head whipped around to his sister, his look of shock registering to everyone in the room. Nat and Riley stood next to me, Riley’s hand resting on my shoulder as we all waited for what we knew was coming.

“You fucking asked him to come here? Why?”

“Alex, knock it off,” Adriana chided, looking towards their family members who were now watching the show. “You need to focus on Mom right now.”

“I would love to focus on my mother, but someone brought an asshole to the hospital where she is fighting for her life. Get him out of here right now, Adriana. I’m not fucking kidding.”

“He’s not leaving, Alex. Now calm down and wait for the doctor to give us some news.”

Alex turned and held his face in his hands, taking long, deep breaths before letting go. “Adriana, I don’t know what the fuck you’re up to, but I have all of my friends here, and Jensen is not motherfucking welcome. Now get him the fuck out of here so I can concentrate on my mother.” His words were voiced through clenched teeth. He was trying hard to compose himself, but the redness in his face and the bulge of the veins in his neck proved that he was slowly losing that internal battle.

“You don’t get to dictate, Alex. I need Brandon here.”

“What the fuck for?”

“Because he’s my boyfriend.”

Air became a luxury in that moment. My eyes bulged, and my heart skipped a beat as Adriana spit out the words that I was sure would send Alex over the deep end.

Alex slowly crept up to his sister with pure venom in his golden-hued eyes. “I’ve been away getting my ass shot at, and you’re fraternizing with the fucking enemy. How could you stoop so low? This motherfucker would bury your own brother if he could, and you’re blind to that shit because he gives you a little dick.”

“Alex, that’s enough. Walk away,” Riley interjected. He pulled Alex away from Jensen and Adriana.

I saw this coming from a mile away. It shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise to anyone who knew the recent history between Alex and Jensen. Sadly, that didn’t soften the blow. Guadalupe stood in horror as brother and sister went at one another, blocking out everyone as they went for the jugular.

“You’re so caught up in my goddamn business that you haven’t even checked on your pregnant girlfriend!”

Gasps filled the once silent room as Adriana stood with her hands on her hips, lips puckered, and eyes narrowed at Alex. Alex stopped where he was and turned to look at Adriana with dark, brooding eyes. There was a moment of calculation as he stepped out of Riley’s grasp and slowly made his way over to his sister.

“What the fuck did you just say?” he growled, low and deliberate.

“You heard me. You’re so angry about everything happening around you that you didn’t even take notice.”

Alex’s hand went straight for his mouth. Shock had taken over, and I couldn’t tell if he were about to explode or pass out. Either way, his reaction wasn’t celebratory, and coupled with everything happening at the moment, we were all standing on very dangerous ground.

“Are you fucking pregnant?” Alex asked, almost in a whisper.

I looked around. Nat’s eyes were fixated on me as if she were willing me to give an answer. Riley looked on in utter confusion while Jensen stared blankly ahead. The most troubling set of eyes were those of Guadalupe. She didn’t try to hide her dismay; in fact, she was damn near showcasing it. My stomach rolled once again as sweat affixed itself to every inch of my skin. I was put under a magnifying glass with dozens of prying eyes, all eager to get a peek. Embarrassment cloaked me as I stood on the spot, trying to fix my lips to give Alex the answer he was waiting for.

“Adriana…” I pleaded.

“I’m sorry, Cassie.”

“You answer me right now,” Alex ordered, marching over to where I was standing. “Are you fucking pregnant?”

I looked around the room at the awaiting faces, wishing that the ground would open that instant and swallow me whole. “Yes,” I whispered, lightly nodding my head.

“Aye, no. Por favor, no!” Guadalupe cried, dropping her face into her hands.

“Shit!” Alex growled. “When did you think I should find out about this? Why the fuck does my sister know before me?”

“I wanted to tell you. And I swear I didn’t tell her… I don’t know how…”

Alex rubbed the back of his head furiously, his expression strained as he turned away, then back to me. He stepped closer to me, erasing the gap between us. “How in the hell did this happen? I mean… we aren’t fucking ready.”

“Then get ready. You know how this happened. I didn’t fuck myself, Alex.”

“Cassie!” He roared, then took me by the arm, pulling me away from the prying eyes fixated on us. “Don’t be a fucking smart ass! You know what I mean. What the fuck are we gonna do? We aren’t ready to be anyone’s fucking parent.”

“That’s too bad, Alex. You shot your shit off inside me, and this is what we got. Deal with it,” I hissed back, not backing down. I wasn’t sure how he’d react, but this wasn’t too far one of the scenarios that I had in mind. Alex could be downright infuriating, and at times irrational, but I wasn’t about to take the blame for what we had done. It was unexpected and probably not the right time, but what was done was done, and the only choice we had was to move forward with it.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Wilson. I’m looking for the next of kin for Imelda Cruz.” Thank goodness for the doctor. His entrance alleviated some of the tension filling my shoulders.

I relaxed a bit. Alex turned and stood just before the doctor, reaching his hand out and giving a firm handshake. The angry mood was sucked away with the doctor’s words, turning into fear and longing as everyone prayed for a miracle.

“I’m Alex, Imelda’s son. What’s going on with her?”

“I’d like to speak with you in private.”

“No, we’re all family, and we’d all like to know.”

The doctor looked around the room at all of the tear stained eyes. He took a deep breath before turning back to Alex and finally speaking what none of us wanted to hear.

“It seems your mother has some very severe internal injuries and even after surgery, I can’t give her a good prognosis. I’d like you all to come and say your goodbyes. I don’t expect her to make it through the night.”

Adriana burst into tears and fell onto Jensen, sobbing uncontrollably as he worked in vain to try and console her. Guadalupe cried out before being taken by one of Alex’s cousins, who shared her tears, but had just an ounce more of self-control.

Alex vacantly stared at the doctor, a dumbfounded expression spreading across his face. He stood statuesque, the only movement of his body coming from laborious pants and the heaving of his chest. The doctor reached out and touched his shoulder, which Alex quickly and forcefully jerked away from. His beautiful, caramel skin was beginning to streak red. He turned away from the doctor and walked in the opposite direction, his steps hard and menacing.

My heart had temporarily stopped beating with the doctor’s words, but one look at Alex and I knew I had to act. I quickly followed after him, hearing his cries the closer and closer that I got. He finally stopped at the nearest wall, his balled up hand pounding on the surface as he finally allowed the anger, sadness, and aggression to explode.

“Why my mom?” he asked through heartbreaking tears. “Why my mom? Why? Why? Why?” he continued to ask, the tears growing thicker as he choked on his words.

I had no answers for him. I couldn’t even speak. My throat went dry, and my mind went blank. I had no idea how to handle such a situation when I was hurting as well. The love of my life was experiencing a pain that there was no remedy for. Piece by piece he broke until there was nothing left of him.

Alex continued to pound the wall as he cried into it, stopping every so often, then picking right back up and repeating the routine. He continued to ask why, even though he would never receive that answer. When he tired of the pounding on the wall, he slowly dropped to the floor, resting his head in his hands as the tears continued to expel from his eyes. I dropped to the ground with him and cried, rubbing his back while he pounded the side of his balled up hand onto the cold, tile floor.

“Why her? Fuck! Why my mom?” he asked, staring at me through tear stained eyes. He dropped his head again as the tears continued to flow.

There was nothing I could do for him but allow him to cry, and that’s what he did, and continued to do even when the doctor took him by the arm and led him down the hallway and into his mom’s room.

Chapter 21

Alex

Every step of the long, arduous walk felt as if I was slipping further and further into my own personal hell. Masochistic thoughts jabbed at my mind, punishing me for all the wrong that I had done. My mother, the backbone in my life, was lying on her death bed, and there wasn’t a goddamned thing that I could do about it.

As hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears from slipping down my face. This shit hurt worse than any pain I’d ever experienced.

“I want to prepare you for what you are about to see. Your mother looks drastically different from the way you would remember her,” the doctor cautiously warned.

I looked to him and nodded, standing in the doorway but afraid to walk in. He gave me a curt head nod, and I slowly entered the room, gasping deeply when I got my first glimpse of my mom. The swelling on top of the deep bruising on her face placed a stranger in front of me. I’d seen enough disfigured people in my time in the sandbox, but seeing a piece of my heart, lying there, unrecognizable and dying tore me to shreds.

My eyes burned, my lips went dry, and my ability to speak escaped me. There were no words to speak, and nothing would make any part of this situation any better. I wasn’t quite sure what to say or if she could hear me anyway, so I sat in the chair next to her bed, holding her hand and listening to the beep of the machines that I presumed were keeping her alive. I sat there for a solid five minutes, kissing and rubbing her hand before Adriana and my grandma came into the room.

They both silently took their seats, their eyes just as bloodshot as mine, looking as if they had cried themselves out as well. We all made eye contact with one another, but no one said a word for fear of bursting the emotional dam that entrenched us. It was a cruel fucking thought to think that I’d be leaving this hospital with a piece of my life forever gone. A piece that I could never get back.

“Excuse me,” the doctor whispered. “I just wanted to let you all know that although Imelda is heavily sedated, she can hear you.” He smiled, then quickly walked away, leaving us with the impossibility of trying to say our last words.

“Mommy, I love you so much,” Adriana poured out, taking our mother’s other hand and allowing her tears to fall onto it. “I love you more than anything. Abel loves you. We all love you.” By the end of her proclamations, her words were nearly inaudible. Her emotions had taken over, and the tears poured from her eyes again.

My grandmother hugged Adriana from behind, crying her own set of fresh tears. They traded positions, allowing my grandmother to take her daughter’s hand in her own as she poured her heart to her.

“My dear, Imelda. I love you too much, but not to keep you here, suffering,” she choked out in Spanish. Her raspy cough came roaring back, effectively ending her ability to go on. She held my mother’s hand up to her face and cried as Adriana took her turn consoling her.

My mouth opened to speak three times, each time closing because nothing that I wanted to say felt right. I rested my head on my mother’s hand until the words finally spoke to me.

“Mama, you mean so much to everyone you’ve ever come in contact with, but none more than me. You’ve made me who I am, and I owe my life to you.” A heavy lumped formed in my throat, forcing me to stop and work past it before I could continue on. “You don’t deserve any of this, Mama, and I’d trade you places in a heartbeat. I really would.”

“Alex, she needs uplifting words,” Adriana sniffled.

I nodded my head, unsure of what I could say that had any sort of promise.

“The baby, Alex. Tell her about the baby.”

That surprise had moved to the background as soon as the devastating news about my mom was announced. Cassie was pregnant with my baby, and my mom wouldn’t be here to see him or her. Another round of emotional trauma swept in and sucker punched me as I stared at her beautiful figure knowing that none of my kids would ever know their grandmother.

I managed to push the morbid thoughts aside, and at least try to give her the news, hoping it would make us all feel better. “Mama, your boy is going to be a dad. Cassie is pregnant with our baby.”

The words came out smoother than I had anticipated, and miraculously, my mother squeezed my hand, drawing all attention to it.

“Adriana, go and get Cassie. Hurry!” I ordered.

Adriana returned a minute later with a very sick and timid looking Cassie in tow. How I had managed to miss the ashen look of Cassie’s face was mind boggling. And I’d blown up on her as if it were her alone that caused the pregnancy. My mind was in a state of shock. I had seen and dealt with too much shit, and now everything was running together on me.

“Cassie, Mom knows you’re expecting, and she squeezed my hand upon hearing the news.”

Cassie smiled meekly, strolling over and rubbing my mom’s arm. I softly stroked Cassie’s arm with my free hand, hoping the apologetic gesture wouldn’t go flying over her head. She looked down at me, her face warming a bit, but never allowing the smile I was hoping to see come through

“I love your son, Imelda. I plan to take good care of him and make sure he’s the best daddy he can be. Just like you would do.”

Mom’s hand squeezed again, drawing smiles from everyone in the room. We sat together, lightly speaking, reminiscing about the good times we’d had together. At certain points, we even laughed because recalling my mother’s free spirit seemed to bring that out of us.

I sat with Cassie on my lap, stroking her neck as she lay with her head resting on my shoulder. She dozed off, lightly snoring into my ear. My grandmother, Adriana, and I sat and watched my mom sleep peacefully, hoping that she knew just how loved she was.

A couple hours later, machines started beeping and nurses ran into the room, followed by the doctor.

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” I frantically asked, feeling panic beginning to set in.

“Your mother’s body is going into shock,” a nurse announced, moving rapidly as she unplugged and reset various machines and instruments.

I watched in horror as my mother’s heartbeat continuously dropped, the lines no longer making those mountainous figures, but slowly flattening out. Within a minute, there was a continuous line moving across the screen and a loud, solid noise filling the room. My heart burst at the sight of my mother taking her last breath, then lying motionless on the bed.

The nurses gathered us up and led us out of the room, where my grandmother completely broke down, screaming at the top of her lungs as Adriana and I worked tirelessly to try and console her, but there was nothing we could do. Her baby was gone, and I felt every bit of her anguish as we stood there crying.

Cassie walked over to us and made her way into our circle, shedding her own fresh set of tears. She turned to my grandmother and held her, allowing both of them to cry out their hurt, their mistrust, and their devastation. When my grandmother wrapped her arms around Cassie and held her tightly, I reached out for Adriana, needing to feel the warmth and comfort of family in that moment. We stayed that way until we physically had to move, and with each step we took, a new piece of us slowly faded away.

++++

I elected not to go back to the family house that night. It was much too soon for me to be in my mother’s home and around her things, so I took Cassie to a nearby hotel. We checked in and showered, then I ordered room service and attempted to eat, though neither of us was able to get much down.

We lay together in silence for a bit, my head resting of Cassie’s chest as she ran her fingers through my hair. That sensual vanilla smell lit me up, finally giving me a reason to smile for the first time in weeks. My hand rested on her belly, and I remembered that she had life—life that I had created, growing in there. The idea of becoming a father so soon scared me shitless, and all of my guilt from Iraq and the death of that young boy filled me.

How was I supposed to be a father when I had taken someone’s child away from them? Regardless of the fact that I had killed in self-defense, I had killed, and I was gaining what I had so easily taken away from another man.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the pregnancy?” I whispered.

She sighed. “I wanted to. I tried to, but you were rushed off the phone and I never got to tell you. Plus, your reaction…I was scared of that.”

Shit! “I’m sorry, Blondie. There’s been so much shit going on, and it was the last thing I expected to hear.”

“I know.” She paused, thinking hard before speaking again. “You mentioned getting shot at when you were yelling at Adriana. What happened?”

Her question was like a knife to my flesh. The pain was unbearable, damn near unspeakable, and I immediately tensed up, unwilling to drag myself back into that hell.

“Nothing. I’m here and that’s all that matters. Anyway, when did you find out?”

“Not too long ago.”

“What made you take a test?”

She stalled, which quickly drew my curiosity. “Dalton thought that I’d been drugged.”

“Drugged?” I asked, lifting my head.

“Yeah, I went to a party, and I was sick and throwing up. But I had been feeling sick for a bit. I just ignored it, thinking it was a mixture of my new workout and not eating enough. I was wrong.”

“Whose party was this?”

“That’s not important, Alex.”

“It is fucking important. And the fact that you don’t want to say tells me that I’m not going to like it.”

“Well, then there is no need to tell you.”

“Cassie, you tell me right now. I don’t have much of a fuse after this shit I just went through today.”

She sighed again. “Angelica’s.”

“Why the fuck would you party with her? Have you forgotten—”

“I haven’t forgotten anything. We work together, we’d been working out in a group, and they had a party. She didn’t drug me, I’m knocked up. End of story.”

I took her face in my hand, holding her stare. “Don’t you ever fucking say knocked up. You are pregnant with my baby.”

She nodded slightly, curving her lips into the first smile I had seen from her all day. I planted my lips to hers, kissing her softly and basking in the feel of her in my possession once again.

“Can we name the baby after my mom? One way or another?”

“Anything for your mom, Alex. Anything.”

I kissed her again, whispering how much I loved her in between kisses, thankful that I had Cassie in my life and that I wouldn’t be going through this tumultuous time on my own. My lips slipped down her neck and over her collarbone. My hands traveled into her panties, cupping her perfect pussy as she shifted her legs with the touch.

“Alex, what are you doing?”

“I need you, baby. I need you. I need to feel you.”

“Alex…”

“Please, Blondie. Don’t turn me away. Not when I need you most.”

Emotion filled my voice, catching Cassie’s attention. Her emerald-green eyes sparkled with admiration, inviting me to have my fill of her. I gently removed her panties, then hovered over her, looking down on the beautiful girl I’d been so lucky to get and somehow keep. I didn’t fucking deserve her, but that wasn’t up to me, and for once I was grateful that something was out of my control.

“I couldn’t have picked a more perfect mom for my kids,” I murmured, lowering myself down and sinking into her. She was soft, warm, and deliciously sweet.

I held myself inside as I breathed in her sensual scent, splaying light kisses over her neck. She kissed the side of my face, holding me tightly while lightly swiveling her hips. I took her hint and began to move, slow and steady, wanting to feel every inch of her impeccable body. I moved in and out as Cassie met me thrust for thrust. She whimpered slightly, digging her nails into my back as she strengthened her hip movements. I didn’t want it to end…I didn’t want to lose this connection to her.

I could feel my release inching towards explosion, but I held it off as long as I could, grabbing and raising Cassie’s thigh, giving myself the necessary space to dig deeper. She gasped, squeezed my neck and cried out her release as she shook and whimpered. I lay still inside of her, not ready to lose this connection that we shared.

“I love you more than all of the stars in the sky, Blondie,” I whispered.

Her eyes were tightly shut, her bottom lip held down by her teeth. She swiveled her hips, prompting me to begin moving inside of her again. I moved excruciatingly slow, basking in the feel of the one place that seemed to knock all of my problems out in one fell swoop, then pounded my way through her a few times before I stilled and spilled into her.

It hurt, and it soothed.

It was pleasure and pain.

And at the end of it, I realized that every piece of heartache that I had felt, from Vega to my mom, would never go away, but it would be healed by the love of the beautiful girl lying beneath me, willing to take me as I was—flaws and all.

A tear fell from Cassie’s eye. She blinked before anymore could follow.

“Why are you crying, babe?”

“For you…for us…losing your mom, I wasn’t sure how you would react to me…to this.”

I smiled, painfully aware of just how unpredictable I could be. “You’re my light in all of that dark, Cassie. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

“So you’re ready for a baby?”

“I didn’t say that. But we’ll get there together.”

She smiled and pulled me down to her. I kissed her with everything I had, every ounce of love, passion, sorrow and guilt. Everything mixed into one was no match for what Cassie and I had, and with our creation growing inside of her, it was only going to get stronger.

++++

In the span of one month, I had attended the memorial for Cpl. Vega and then for my mom. Emotionally, I was exhausted with nothing left to give and guilt consuming every piece of me for it. Meeting Vega’s girlfriend, who he was planning to marry when he returned home, was the hardest part of his service. She was all he had in the world, and listening as the words, On behalf of a grateful nation, echoed in my ears, and temporarily numbed me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should have been in Vega’s spot. If he hadn’t stepped in to calm me down from ripping into that fucking kid out there, he’d still be here. The turmoil ate away at me, present only to Cassie, but still enough to crack my hardened exterior.

The loud bangs of the 21 gun salute shook my resolve, replaying every soul-sucking memory of what had led us to this day. Vega pulled the trigger to save Christen’s life, but who had been there to save his? I couldn’t escape the thought that we had let him down…that we had failed him. Images of his face, struggling and fearful, continued to haunt me with every shot until finally they stopped, all at once, leaving nothing but still air and a blank mind.

My mom’s service, unfortunately, didn’t go much better. My heart broke all over again with the gathering of our family and friends speaking about my mother in past tense, solidifying the fact that she would never again call me her mijo, or Alejandro. There was only one person left who did that, and with my mom’s passing I was fearful that I wouldn’t have my grandma much longer.

Cassie placed the butterfly necklace that I had purchased for her on top of my mom’s casket. That small little gesture finally put a ray of sunlight on an overall dreary day. We were the only two people in the room who understood the significance in it, and we shared a smile, knowing my mom was free to fly.

All of the gang was present for her service: Riley and Nat, Dalton, Newsome, Smith, and even fucking Jensen. I was still uncomfortable with the idea of him and Adriana dating, him playing daddy to Abel, and our relationship as a whole. We didn’t speak much, and beyond stiff condolences, we really didn’t have much to say to one another. I tried hard not to let my unease with their relationship affect what I had and needed to maintain with my sister, but a part of me was still very much pissed off.

“She’s grown, Alex. Let her be,” Cassie kept reminding me. It didn’t matter how many times she said it, my mind wouldn’t allow me to settle with that fact. Our close knit family had shrunk by one, and I was determined, more than ever, to protect my sister and keep our family together.

“Yeah, Alex, I’m grown. One of these days you and Brandon will be okay again, so I’ll wait,” Adriana said, swatting my back in passing. She walked back over to where he was, dropping a light kiss on his lips and making me frown in disgust.

I wasn’t sure how I would ever be okay with the idea of those two as a couple. I couldn’t see it, didn’t want to see it, and wasn’t going to allow myself to see it. As far as I was concerned, Jensen was just another dude that my sister was seeing, and would hopefully get tired of. It was all I had left because anything beyond that, I couldn’t fucking handle.

“Hey, I’m over here. I’m not Adriana or Jensen,” Cassie sarcastically joked, turning my face back towards her.

“I’m sorry, Blondie. I just—”

“I know. You hate your sister being with Jensen. Get over it.”

“How can you say that? That guy tried to sabotage you as well as me. He’s been a dick to us both.”

“And that’s in the past. Time to move forward, Alex.”

I hated when she was right, and I damn sure wouldn’t admit it, but she did have a point. Of course, that didn’t mean I was going to act on her words. For as much changing as I was doing, Alex was still very much alive, and the grudge I held for that fucker was stronger than ever.

++++

Back at work, Cassie was informed that her unit was slated to go to Iraq. It was times like these that I hated the fact that she was a Marine. After all of the bullshit that I had been through over in that hell hole, there was no way I could be okay with sending her over there, knowing I wouldn’t be there to protect her. Luckily, due to her pregnancy, she wouldn’t be deploying.

Angelica showed me a side of her that I hadn’t known existed. After the details of that party were explained to me, and what appeared to be sincerity in her congratulations for Cassie and me, I decided to cut the chick some slack, but not too much because I still didn’t fully trust her.

Vernon took a year-long assignment in North Africa, completely removing himself which left Leti alone since no one wanted anything to do with her. I’d received her congratulatory texts and her wishes of condolences, but I never gave her the satisfaction of a reply. I had no need to invite that bitch back into any aspect of my life, and alone and miserable is just what she deserved, so I made sure that was just what she got.

I sat at my desk, checking the incoming and outgoing rosters for the battery. I had to admit, besides the deployment, I liked this unit and actually enjoyed reporting to work every day. I wasn’t too far away from Cassie and the best thing was that I no longer lived behind shadows.

“Three-eleven, Kilo battery, Staff Sergeant Cruz speaking,” I spoke into the phone, after letting it ring a few times.

“Hey, I got a call from Captain Hedlund. He wants me to come to his office over lunch. You free to go with me?”

“I am now.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you over there.”

“I’ll pick you up. See you in a bit,” I rebuffed.

I was always protective of Cassie, but knowing that she had a piece of me growing inside of her, I was damn near smothering, and it didn’t bother me in the least bit. She took it for the most part, but every now and then that sassy little mouth of hers would come spewing out some bullshit orders that I pretended to listen to, but completely disregarded. My overbearing attitude was a permanent fuck up, one that I had no interest in trying to fix.

The blistering Twentynine Palms sun had gone into hibernation as the desert winter was finally beginning to settle in. We were nearing Christmas, and contrary to what many would expect, there was snow in the forecast. I rushed out to my truck and hurried over to Cassie’s work building, picking her up and heading off to Captain Hedlund’s office. I was still in awe every time I saw her. Her belly was starting to protrude just a bit, and I couldn’t hide the fucking smile that hit me every time I saw her that way.

I jumped out of the truck, then ran around the side to let her in, hurrying to get out of the thirty degrees weather.

“I can’t believe we’re still dealing with Allen’s shit and that his lawyers have stalled this long. I’m going to bust someone’s fucking teeth in if we don’t get some progress today.”

“Knock it off, Rambo. We just have to see what happens.”

“I don’t want to see what happens. I’m ready to erase that motherfucker from our lives. He’s lucky I haven’t disposed of him already.”

“He’s incarcerated, Alex.”

“You act like I don’t know people at the brig.”

Cassie rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Well, let’s just let the system take care of Allen.”

“The system sucks. If the system worked, that motherfucker would have been castrated by now.”

“Alex…”

“Don’t argue it, Cassie. People like him deserve that shit.”

She didn’t argue. I pulled into the stall, then rushed to her side and helped her out of the truck. The waiting room of base legal was damned near empty. There was a new front desk clerk, Private Renteria, who checked us in and led us back to Captain Hedlund’s office. His face was unreadable, leaving me to believe that whatever he wanted to discuss wasn’t going to be what I wanted to hear.

“Good to see you both. Congratulations on your promotion, Staff Sergeant.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Always a pleasure Pfc. Bennett,” he threw in, forgetting that Cassie had been recently promoted and was now a Lance Corporal.

“Lance Corporal Bennett, sir,” Cassie quickly reminded him.

“I’m so sorry.”

“So what do you have for us Captain because I’m going to be honest, I’m having a hard time understanding why the book hasn’t been thrown at this guy already.”

“Well, Staff Sergeant, his lawyers are entitled to adequate time for a fair shot at exonerating their client.

“That’s bullshit!” I yelled, drawing Cassie’s ire. “I mean, really, how much longer is she going to have to deal with this?”

“Staff Sergeant Cruz, some self-control would be nice. We are all frustrated with this process, but I called Lance Corporal Bennett in to let her know that we finally have some closure.” He looked between us both as if he were waiting for a response, but he didn’t get one. “Private Allen has decided to plead guilty in exchange for a lesser sentence.”

“You’re kidding, right? A lesser sentence?” I grumbled, trying hard to contain my ever growing anger. “He gets to dictate his sentence?”

“I never said that, Staff Sergeant. He won’t be walking free.”

“What he did to her deserves the highest level of punishment, not a negotiation.”

“Alex,” Cassie interrupted, looking annoyed. “You can’t have it both ways. You want him punished to the max, but I just want it over. I don’t want to sit in front of a room full of people and detail how that monster attacked and assaulted me. I’m done with it, Alex.”

As badly as I wanted to argue, there really was no point. The look in her eyes, pleading for an end to this shit, overtook me and made me sit back and finally shut my mouth.

“Fine. What are the details here?”

“Well, since there is overwhelming evidence against Allen, in order to end this without court-martial he is accepting three years in the brig, followed by a dishonorable discharge where he will have to register as a sex offender. I know this isn’t what you were hoping for, but honestly, this isn’t too far off from what a court-martial sentence would get him, and it saves Lance Corporal Bennett from having to relive that all over again. I personally think it’s a win-win.”

Cassie nodded her head in agreement. Even if I weren’t completely satisfied, I wanted Cassie as far removed from this shit as possible, so I stayed quiet and let her hash out the details with Captain Hedlund. After a few more minutes of going over everything in great detail, Cassie signed on the dotted line, then we shook the good Captain’s hand and walked out of the building. This Allen bullshit was finally behind us, even if it left a rotten taste in my mouth.

++++

Christmas was upon us before we knew it. Cassie’s growing belly was still small but somewhat noticeable. She was sick and vomited more often than not, but we were still excited about our impending arrival.

We’d decided to host Christmas at my house, so Cassie and Nat went all out, buying everything off the damn shelves. My grandma, Adriana, and Abel would be coming up. This would be the first Christmas without my mom, and we wanted the family to be one. Grandma still wasn’t as warm and receptive to Cassie as I would have liked for her to be, but I resigned myself to the fact that it would take time and whether she ever came around or not, it would change nothing for me. Cassie was my future, and I had done enough fucking up with her to last a lifetime. Nothing was going to tear us apart ever again.

Nat taught Cassie how to make pineapple upside down cake and coconut cream pie. It was the first time I had seen Cassie get truly domestic, and it was quite the entertaining sight. She looked every bit as flustered as I thought she would, but Nat, ever the big mouth, whipped Cassie into shape like a hat out on the drill field. She finally settled, and actually made pretty decent dessert, but I wasn’t banking on her taking this up every year.

Riley wore some ugly fucking sweater that Nat bought for him, walking around drinking egg nog and singing Bing Crosby Christmas songs. I hated everything about him at the moment, from that hideous fucking sweater, to the songs he couldn’t seem to get enough of. I doubled the shots in my egg nog just to get through it, then finally had enough and changed that shit to something a little more tolerable.

The doorbell rang, and before I could open the door, little Abel came bounding in, jumping into my arms and yelling, “Merry Christmas, Nino.”

I laughed as I caught him and tried to steady the drink in my hand all at the same time.

“Abel, you need to be careful. Nino could have spilled.”

“He’s fine, Adriana,” I responded. “Merry Christmas. Feliz Navidad, Abuelita,” I greeted my grandmother, wrapping her in my arms and kissing her cheek. She smiled and greeted back, then looked around.

“Donde esta Cassie?”

“She’s in the back changing. She’s been baking all day with Nat.”

My grandmother looked impressed, but didn’t say anything to confirm it. Adriana sat a bunch of presents down under the tree, and Cassie finally walked out, looking comfortable in a pair of yoga pants and a Victoria’s Secret sweater. She was uncomfortable most of the day because she was so sick. She’d sworn that if I bought her yoga pants all of her complaining would go away. That was a lie. She had a million fucking pairs of yoga pants, and she still complained all damn day long, but after watching her puke in the bathroom all night, I decided her complaining was warranted.

“Hola, Guadalupe. Feliz Navidad.”

Cassie had been working on her Spanish so she could try and communicate with my grandmother in the language she was most comfortable with. She walked over and wrapped my grandmother in a warm hug, drawing surprising looks from almost everyone in the room.

“Alrighty then!” Nat exclaimed, breaking the stale air swirling around us. “Let’s get to opening presents.”

We shoveled present after present to Abel, which he quickly opened, then pushed aside to open up the next one. I wasn’t sure he had actually seen what he’d gotten, but it didn’t matter because the excitement lighting up his face was all we really cared about. He’d had a bit of a rough time with my mom not around, so seeing him smile was exactly what we’d needed.

“Where’s Dalton?” Nat asked.

“He went home to be with his family and Ben. I guess they’re trying to work things out.”

“That fucker is a glutton for punishment, isn’t he?” I asked, sipping my egg nog again.

“Um, I guess you could say the same about me, couldn’t you?” Cassie sarcastically replied.

I gave her a warning look, which she shot right back at me. If our kid had half her attitude, I was going to be in trouble.

“You going to see your boy, Adriana?” Nat was on a fucking roll with her questions.

Adriana shot a look over to me. “At some point. Alex won’t allow him here.”

“You’ve got that right. I don’t want any headache on Christmas day. You are free to go to his place, Adriana.”

“Alex…” Cassie pleaded.

“End of discussion. We’ve got more presents to open up. Here, Abuelita, this one is for you.”

She opened a box with a framed picture of her, my mom, Adriana and me from Adriana’s baby shower a few years back. We were all so happy then, and I thought it was a great reminder for her of one of our good times. The tears spilled from her eyes as she kissed the picture repeatedly, thanking me over and over again for such a beautiful gift.

I handed Adriana a box and got the same reaction. Her picture was from the hospital after she’d had Abel. My mom laid in the bed with her, holding Abel in her arms and beaming like a proud grandmother. I had to admit that I thought twice about the gifts since they made me an emotional bitch just looking at them, but that reaction told me they were perfect. Keeping Imelda alive in our hearts was a necessary component to moving forward with our lives.

“Here you go, Cassie. It’s not much, but it has a lot of thought behind it.” Adriana handed Cassie a small box, then sat on her hands as she watched her open it.

Cassie tore into the box, ripping the paper to reveal a small Nike box. “Baby’s first shoes. Thanks, Adriana.”

“You’re welcome. Open them up. I thought they were the cutest little things ever, and I remember those tiny shoes on Abel. You’ll grow addicted to them.”

Cassie smiled as she pulled the top cover off the box, then her mouth dropped and her hand quickly moved to cover it. She picked the shoes up out of the box as tears fell from her eyes. I dropped to one knee directly in front of her.

“Cassie Bennett, I knew from the second I got you that you were it for me. We’ve been through so much together, and I know for certain that you are it. You are the one. I’m done looking. You mean the world to me, and there is no one else that I would rather have carry my child or my last name. So please, say yes. Say you’ll be my wife.”

I waited patiently as she continued to cry, fanning herself as the tears continued to pour from her eyes.

“The tag on the shoes says please marry my daddy before I’m old enough to walk in these, Cassie. Time is ticking!” Adriana blurted out, drawing laughter from the room.

“Yes, Alex. Yes a million times over. I can’t wait to be your wife.”

I quickly untied the laces to retrieve the ring, then slipped it on Cassie’s finger. We kissed long and hard, her tears sandwiching between our faces.

“I love you more than the fucking air I breathe, Cassie Cruz.“ I grinned. “I have to get used to saying that.”

“It has a nice ring to it,” she whispered, kissing me again.

My grandmother stood and walked over to us, looking at me and then to Cassie. Her face showed no emotion, her body language just as dull. I really hoped she wasn’t about to turn a beautiful moment into shit because with the high that I was on, I wouldn’t allow anyone to ruin it.

She took Cassie’s hand and looked long and hard at the ring, then looked to me. “Good job, Alejandro.” She hugged me then pinched my cheek. “He love you so much, Cassie. And I am okay with it. I love you, too,” she said, wrapping Cassie in her arms.

“Let me have a look at that ring, Cassie!” Nat shouted, strolling over to where we stood. She took Cassie’s hand in hers, staring at the ring from all angles before again shouting, “Damn, Alex! You went all out, didn’t you? You see this shit, Chris? I want something equivalent.”

Riley’s eyebrows furrowed, but he said nothing as he took a glass of champagne from the tray that Nat had earlier sat down. He walked it over to me, then handed out the others, giving Cassie a glass of sparkling cider in lieu of the alcohol.

“So tell us about this ring, Alex. I’m intrigued.”

“I went to a jeweler and had this ring made because I knew I’d never find what I wanted. It’s a one carat, princess cut stone on top with emerald butterflies around the band. Cassie understands the significance.”

She held her hand up and stared at the ring, smiling as tears slid down her cheek. I kissed her tears away, tasting every bit of love cooped up inside of her. I saw everything I had ever wanted in life in Cassie, and couldn’t help the silly fucking grin that seemed to take over my own face.

“Well, I’m starving,” Adriana announced. “Who cooked?”

“Riley and I cooked the birds, Nat cooked the sides. Cassie kind of helped.”

“I’m sure it’s still edible,” she joked.

We took our seats at the table, then Riley led us in a Christmas prayer before we dug in. I didn’t say much as I looked around the table and saw the people who meant the most to me all in one room, enjoying one another. I missed my mom tremendously, and the fact that she wasn’t there left a hole in my heart.

There was a loud couple of knocks on the door, followed by a pause and then a couple more.

“Who’s knocking like they’re the police?” Riley joked, then laughed as if he were hysterically funny.

“I don’t fucking know, but whoever it is better step away quickly,” I angrily replied. I looked to Adriana. If she’d invited Jensen over, I was going to kick her ass out right along with his.

I marched over to the door, forcefully swinging it open to find a young blonde girl standing there that I didn’t recognize. Our eyes met, but she didn’t give off any emotion.

“Are you Alex?”

“Who the fuck wants to know?” I replied, ready to throw this chick off of my property.

“I want to know. Where’s Cassie?”

“Alex who is it?” Cassie asked, walking up behind me. “Oh my gosh, Taylor! What are you doing here?” she asked, bypassing me and engulfing the girl in a hug.

“Cassie! You look great.”

Then, in the blink of an eye, the un-fucking-thinkable happened, and I immediately went into defense mode.

“There you are, Cassie. I thought you’d fallen off the face of the earth.”

Emmalyn Bennett walked up, looking stoned out of her mind as she sneered in a way that made my skin crawl. Cassie’s joy and excitement immediately faded away, and she recoiled from Taylor’s grasp.

What the fuck was her sinister mother doing on our doorstep on Christmas Day?

Chapter 22

Cassie

The Christmas joy was gone.

My mother, the one remaining thorn in my side, was standing before me, looking like she’d seen much better days, and smiling in her sinister way.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice laced with malice.

I looked Taylor in the eye, wondering what had gotten into her. She, unlike so many others, was privy to the tortuous relationship I’d had with my mother, so it was a bit baffling as to why she would bring her to me. A minute before I was enjoying the best Christmas that I could remember, and now the mere sight of my mother threatened to take that all away.

“Well, you act like you don’t know how to answer a phone. I had no choice but to come.”

“You could have fucking stayed away. That was always a choice,” Alex grumbled. “You’re not welcome here.”

“This is my daughter—”

“A daughter you never fucking wanted!” Alex yelled. All of his pent-up aggression with my mom was exploding, and there was no containing it. “A daughter who was fucking cannon fodder to you. A daughter who you’ve belittled for years, called a whore, and told would never amount to anything. She’s your daughter in fucking blood only. You don’t fucking matter in any way that truly counts.” Thickly defined veins protruded from his neck, accompanying the deadly and icy glare of golden eyes.

“Alex…” I couldn’t blame him for his reaction to her surprise visit, but I also didn’t want him to lose it and open himself up to unnecessary consequences.

“Wow, he’s everything your mom told me he was, Cass,” Taylor quipped, igniting the fire inside of Alex once again.

“Who the fuck are you, and why are you on my fucking property?”

“I’m Taylor, Cassie’s friend. What more do you want to know?”

“Why the fuck you showed up here unannounced, and why you brought her piece of shit mom with you?”

“Wow, Cass, this is who you made a baby with and plan to marry? Just, wow!”

Adriana joined the party, her eyes trained on Taylor with the same intensity that Alex had in his. She was small but deadly, and fear flashed through me as I pictured Adriana brawling with Taylor.

“Who the hell are you talking about my brother like that?”

“Adriana it’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t, Cassie. Alex is going to be your husband and is the father of your baby. Don’t let any bitch talk to him like that.”

“I had no idea my coming would cause all of this…” Emmalyn croaked, feigning innocence.

“Yes, you did. That’s why you came. You hate your own fucking daughter so much that you wanted to spoil her Christmas. Did you really think she’d jump up and down at the sight of you?” With every word, Alex’s voice grew deeper and harsher.

“Taylor, why did you bring my mom here?”

Taylor was still firmly entrenched in a death stare with Adriana, neither of them willing to look away. She finally rolled her eyes, then looked over to me. “I ran into your mom about a week ago and we got to talking. I was telling her how excited I was to have talked to you and congratulated her on becoming a grandma. I had no idea you were still locked in this childish shit. She had no idea you were pregnant, Cassie. It’s been years. I thought you’d let all of that go.”

“It hasn’t been years, Taylor. She’s kept up her shit ever since the day you left.”

“Who gives a shit about all of this, Blondie? Get their asses off my property before our entire Christmas is ruined.”

“You know what? You’re a supreme dick!” Taylor yelled, now drawing Riley and Nat to the doorway.

“You better shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you!” Adriana yelled back. She slowly stalked towards Taylor, almost reaching her, but coming up short as Riley raced out of the house, grabbed her and pulled her back.

“Fuck this chick, Riley! She wants to run her mouth—”

“Adriana, Abel is in there with your grandma. You’re not doing anything right now.”

“Nat, take Cassie back inside,” Alex barked.

Nat jumped, racing over to where I stood. My mom looked at me, mixed emotion etched in her haggard face. I thought I saw a trace of sadness, but she was high as hell, so her expression could be misleading.

“This is what you’ve become, Cassie. Even if I am as bad as your boyfriend claims, you were stronger then than you are now.”

“Whoa!” Nat shrieked, surprising filling her voice. “Is this your mom, Cassie?” Her horrified expression said everything.

Alex stormed over to where she stood, standing erect and intimidating. “Unfortunately, yes,” he gruffly replied. “And she’s getting ready to take Cassie’s loud mouth friend and get the fuck out of here.”

Emmalyn laughed, the same mocking and condescending laugh that I had heard so many times before. It stirred up some very bad memories, making me shudder with the thought alone of what she was capable of.

“Mom, I think it’s best that you go.”

“Cass!” Taylor shrieked. “What’s gotten into you? Your mom made the effort. Meet her half way.”

“That fucking ship has sailed,” Alex threw in. “Let’s go, Cassie.”

“Cassie!” my mom called out.

I looked back at her, a piece of me surprisingly feeling something for her. I took in her deep and gaunt face, the dark circles around her eyes, her scraggly hair and immediately pinpointed the feeling.

It was sorrow.

I felt sorry for her and what she had become, but I didn’t know why. She had been this same sad, pathetic woman for years, and only now that she was standing before me looking lost and helpless did I finally feel for her.

“Nat, take Cassie inside. She doesn’t need this shit right now.” Nat took me by the arm and led me back towards the house.

“Cassie, grow a pair!” Taylor shouted. “This is your mom. Put the bullshit aside and let your baby have a grandmother.”

“Fuck you! She’s got everything she needs here. And don’t worry about my baby. She’ll have everything she fucking needs. Now get the fuck out of here before I remove you for fucking trespassing,” Alex yelled, clearly losing his patience.

Tears threatened and burned, but I never let them fall. I stopped Nat short of the door, then turned and went back to Alex to calm him down before he did something we’d all regret.

“Stop, Alex. Just stop.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he took me in, confusion spread deep and wide throughout his beautiful face. I loved his intensity and love for me, but I hated seeing him this way. It was crazy and unnecessary, even if he were trying to protect me.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Blondie? Go inside.”

“No! We’re not at work, so you don’t get to order me around.”

“Glad to see you grow some, Cass.”

I turned my attention away from Alex and over to Taylor. “You don’t have anything to say right now. The least you could have done was given me a heads up. You could have called or texted… anything. You know what I’ve been through with her.”

“Cass—”

“No, it hasn’t gotten better, Taylor. In fact, when I was lying in a damn hospital bed, my dear sweet mom here made sure to take her opportunity to take more shots at me.” My words were laced with a deep level of sarcasm.

“Cassie, she needs you.”

“That’s funny because I needed her for years, but she turned her back on me.”

“You’re grown now, Cassie. Grow up. She wants to have a place in your baby’s life.”

That statement struck a chord.

“Oh that’s not fucking happening,” Alex growled.

“Why are you speaking for her?” I asked, growing more and more annoyed with Taylor. I’d been so excited to have a piece of her back in my life, but that was quickly dwindling.

“Because someone has to. Your mom is sick, and you are acting like a little bitch. Have a heart, Cass.”

“Go fucking haze yourself!” Alex roared as he stepped between me and Taylor. He took my hand and pulled me behind him, holding me firmly in place. “This is the last I’m going to tell you to go before I lose my fucking mind on you and destroy your ass right where you stand. Get the fuck off my property, and take that pill popper with you.”

Taylor shook her head as she glared at Alex and me. She looked at mom, who seemed unfazed, the same emotionless stare shrouding her face. “You’ve changed, Cassie, and not for the better.”

“The same goes for you, Taylor. Same goes for you.”

“Time to go, bitch!” Nat yelled, stomping over in our direction. She took Taylor by the arm, but she drew a ferocious arm swing and hit Nat in the head.

“Oh fuck no!” she yelled, pushing Taylor forcefully.

Riley let go of Adriana, then charged toward the two girls. My heart began to race as I watched what was about to become a serious cat fight. Nat was small and scrappy, but Taylor was no pushover. Luckily, Riley got to Nat before it escalated any further.

“This is all your fucking doing!” Alex yelled, pointing at my mom. “Go finish your fucking pills and get the hell out of here. Now!”

He took me by the hand and pulled me inside the house. Guadalupe sat on the couch with Abel, a horrified expression filling her face. Shortly after, Nat, Adriana, and Riley came storming through the door. We all stood in the living room for a second, no one saying a word as the silence enveloped us in an awkward moment.

“Lo siento, Abuelita,” Alex finally spoke. He had visibly calmed down and showed nothing but compassion when speaking to his grandmother. “That was Cassie’s mom here to start trouble.”

“Too much temper, Alejandro. You have a baby coming. You need to calm down.”

“I know,” he conceded.

“Come, Abuelita. Grab Abel’s toys over there, please,” Adriana chimed in.

“Where are you going?” Alex asked, his face frowning once again.

Adriana paused for a second, and I immediately knew her answer. “Over to Brandon’s. We want to spend some time together today, and you won’t let him over here.”

“You can’t see his punk ass tomorrow? We’re supposed to be spending this day as a family, Adriana. Family!”

“Don’t give me any shit, Alex. If you weren’t such a hard ass, you would have allowed him over here. News flash, we’re together, and he’s not going anywhere.”

“Where’s your loyalty?”

“On full display. I showed it outside in case you forgot. Where is your compassion? Where is your civility?”

Alex’s eyes darkened as he stood glaring at his sister. “Go see your punk ass boyfriend, Adriana,” he dismissively grumbled.

Adriana huffed but didn’t reply. It was probably for the best. She hugged me and whispered, “Please try and calm his ass down.”

I nodded, then hugged Abel and Guadalupe and saw them out the door.

Nat and Riley began clearing the dishes from dinner. I joined them, making small talk as Alex sat on the couch with his head in his hands. He was fiercely antagonistic today, and while he was normally up for confrontation, I knew that there was something more going on with him, and this sight proved it.

“Hey, guys, do you mind if I have some alone time with Alex?”

Nat and Riley immediately looked in his direction and nodded simultaneously. I loved that they knew us so well that we could communicate with little or no words being spoken. They just got us.

They grabbed their coats, then headed out of the house, leaving us alone. I walked over to the living room, stopping just before Alex, then cleared my throat. He looked up, his handsome face looking exhausted.

“May I help you, Blondie?”

“Yeah, I’d like to know what the hell has gotten into you.”

He looked away, then back to me, sighing heavily. “I really don’t know what you want me to say.”

“How about telling me what’s wrong with you?”

“Are you really questioning me about my reaction to your mother? Your cold, spineless fucking mother? She’s lucky I didn’t act on what was going through my head.”

“I don’t even want to know what was going through your head. Her being here pissed me off, too.”

He threw his hands up into the air, all but dismissing my questioning. “Then why are you giving me shit about it?”

“Because, Alex. Because you go from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye. I didn’t want her here either, but almost punching everyone in sight isn’t the way to handle it.”

“Well, standing there and letting people talk shit to you isn’t the way to handle it, either.”

The condescending nature of his voice further irritated me. “Well, in case you forgot, I’m pregnant, Alex. I can’t get into fights with people the way you think you can.”

“I’m well aware, Cassie. I fucking put our little girl in there.”

I paused. This was the second time he had mentioned a girl, when obviously, we didn’t know what we were having. “We don’t know what we’re having yet, Alex. You really want a little girl?”

He looked up at me, nostrils flaring and lips pursed tightly. “I just feel it. I feel as if you’re carrying my daughter.”

There was a subdued tone to his voice as if a sudden rush of sadness had overcome him. Resting my hand on his leg, I took a seat next to him on the couch, then lowered my head to try and come eye to eye with him.

“There’s something more to this. Why don’t you tell me what it is?”

“It’s not the time, Cassie. It’s Christmas, and we’re engaged. We should be celebrating.”

“Well, that’s been shot to hell, so speak up. Tell me what’s on your mind. I hate that my mom showed up here. Last thing I wanted.”

His eyes flashed over to me, life perking up in them as we finally connected. “I feel like a fucking dick, but your mom doesn’t deserve a second of your time, Cassie. She’s a rotten fucking individual and deserves nothing. You shouldn’t accommodate her ass.”

“I never said I was giving her anything, Alex.”

“But you were there, hearing her out…”

“No. I asked questions.”

“It doesn’t matter. The longer she stood there, the more I wished the roles were reversed. Fuck your mom.” There was a hint of sadness in his voice.

“Alex, look at me.” He didn’t look up right away. “Look at me! What do you mean you wanted the roles reversed?”

Alex stood abruptly, briskly running his hand over his face and head. “Cassie. It’s bad enough that I have no regrets for even thinking it. Don’t make me say it.”

“I can’t read your mind, Alex.”

“Your fucking mom. I wish she was fucking gone, and my mom were still here. Your mom celebrated when she lost a grandchild, but my mom squeezed our hands and showed her approval in her last fucking moments on earth. Your mom has done nothing but tear you down, but mine would want nothing more than to build us up. I hate your fucking mom because she’s a rotten person.

“Our daughter was robbed of a phenomenal grandmother and is stuck with a piece of shit one. I see nothing when I look at the woman. I wish the fucking roles were reversed, Cassie. Your mom should be in a fucking box in the ground.”

Shock overtook me. I had no idea that Alex had been feeling all of that, and his body language as he finished speaking broke my heart, making me realize that he was still hurting deeply. I reached out, taking his arm and pulling him to me. We stood in silence, the only sounds coming from Alex breathing hard into the hollow where my shoulder met my neck. I loved this man so much, and yet I had no clue what to do to ease his pain, to make him feel whole again.

“Alex, I love you. I don’t really know what to say because I feel like I lost my mom a long time ago.”

“But you see, Blondie, you haven’t. No matter what, that piece of shit woman is still here, and I will never see my mom’s face again. I will never hold her…never speak to her. I’ve lost the first woman I ever loved, and seeing your mom drives that hurt and animosity deeper inside of me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t hate me. I’ve told you I’m going to fuck up, and I know I did today, but everything I felt came out, and goddammit it felt good.”

I laughed. He was so concerned with me and my reaction to him that it was making him a tad bit paranoid. “Let’s see…I have your ring on my finger and your baby in my belly. Even if I did hate you, I don’t think it would last too long.”

He pulled me in and his lips met mine with passion and intensity as his hand fisted through my hair. Alex was hurting, and I was the only thing that would ease that hurt. I relished my role. Whatever he needed, I was happy to provide.

“I love you, Blondie. I love you more than anything on this fucking planet.”

I nodded. “Do what you need, Alex. I’m yours. I’m at your disposal.”

Without another word spoken, Alex lifted me from my feet and carried me off to our bedroom where he gently laid me down on the bed before undressing and having his way with me.

Chapter 23

Alex

It had become apparent that Cassie knew me better than I knew myself. She was able to peer into me, pull out of me what I felt was better suppressed. As awful as it was wishing death on her mom, I felt better getting it out. It didn’t make me feel completely better, but it was weight off my shoulders, and that was definitely welcomed.

Laying her down and undressing her, I took in her beautiful and growing form. There was a small and growing bump, highlighting what we had been able to create together. My hands were drawn to it, gently running over the bump and feeling the love of the little one that I had yet to meet.

“I’m so fucking lucky to have you, Blondie. You have no idea.” I removed my shirt, then unfastened my pants, pulling them and my boxer briefs down in one quick swoop. Cassie’s eyes shut, her mouth opening ever so slightly as I worked my hands up her thighs and into the hem of her lacy panties. “You know how to make me happy, don’t you?”

She nodded her head, then reached out for me, latching onto my head and pulling me down towards her warm and deliciously moist center. I couldn’t wait to get back inside of her, but first things first, I had to get her good and worked up, making sure that when I got inside she’d crumble from the feel of it alone. It had been a while since Cassie had been interested in sex, and the excitement that filled me at the moment left me fearful that I wouldn’t last long when I finally got the chance to get back inside.

I worked her panties down her leg, then kissed my way back up. Her scent filled my senses, making my cock jump in excitement. I saw Cassie’s perfectly pink center and my tongue dived in. Cassie’s legs buckled at my intrusion, a shrill scream filling the room as I held tight. My tongue licked and swirled around to taste every inch of her. She tasted just as delicious as before, even more so since there was a distinct difference about her. There was no meal on earth more fulfilling or satisfying that what I had at the moment.

I swirled my tongue inside, pulling back occasionally and sucking her sweet juices as they began to flow. Her legs began to tremble, signaling her release was near, but there was no way that I wanted her coming without me buried deep inside of her. I moved to my knees, then held her legs open and pulled her towards me.

“Time to make you come undone, Blondie.”

She didn’t respond, instead shutting her eyes and biting down forcefully on her bottom lip. I slid into her, blowing out a long, hard breath as I settled in. The tight fit of her pussy, her walls clenching down on me, sent shock waves coursing through my body. I wasn’t sure how long I’d last, but that didn’t matter. I needed her, and thankfully, she was there…all mine for the taking.

Holding her thighs in my hands, I rocked her to and fro, giving my cock the satisfaction it had been craving for too long. Cassie was the cure for everything wrong in my world, and the physical closeness of me deep inside of her solidified that. Her hands gripped her hair, fisting tightly as her head began to thrash side to side. Her soft moans grew to harsh, laboring pants. She shouted a few orders and demands, making me pick up the pace and work her into a frenzy.

I dug deeper, feeling like I could reach the depths of this beautiful girl and it still wouldn’t be enough. Droplets of sweat filled my hands, causing to me to lose my grip on her thighs, but I readjusted, then pounded harder and deeper into her until the trembling could be felt in my own body. I bit down on my own lip, feeling the coming explosion beginning to take over.

“Come for me, Blondie. I’m coming!”

In almost perfect unison, Cassie and I cried out our release, coming undone together. I stilled, filling her with a violent release that left me completely spent. Careful of her belly, I leaned down and kissed her before falling to her side.

She turned to face me, a coy smile spreading across her lips. “I think someone is feeling better.”

“You always make me feel better, babe. Always.”

++++

Two days later, my grandma, Adriana, and Abel were packing their bags to make the trek back down to Santa Ana. It had felt good having them around, even if it were only for a short time. Adriana had spent time with Jensen, which I fucking hated, but Cassie was teaching me to mind my own business and allow her to be her own person. I had always been the authority in Adriana’s life, and it was hard giving that up, but we agreed to disagree on Brandon Jensen.

“You take care of your mama. Okay, little man?”

“I will, Nino.”

I held Abel in my arms, kissing his forehead before placing him down on his feet. He immediately ran to the door, like he couldn’t wait to get out of there.

“I love you, Abuelita.”

“Te amo, Alejandro. You take care of Cassie,” she ordered, her finger up in my face.

Laughing, I brought her in for a hug. It amazed and pleased me that she had put her earlier reservations away and had accepted Cassie wholeheartedly. Losing my mom made me realize that all of the women in my life needed to be one functioning unit, not a fractured mess splitting me every which way.

She walked over to Cassie and enveloped her in a hug, whispering something in her ear that made Cassie laugh. I made a mental note to ask Cassie about it later.

“Call us when you make it home, Adriana. This is a long, shitty drive.”

“I will. Thanks for opening your home to us. Love you guys.”

Adriana and Cassie hugged, holding on to one another before Adriana pulled back and rubbed Cassie’s belly. “I love you already, little one.”

“It’s a girl,” I quipped.

“Shut up, Alex. You don’t know.” She turned my way and hugged me, holding on longer than necessary and whispering in my ear, “I hope it’s a girl too…a little Imelda growing in there.”

We were in sync. I felt the same way.

When the house was empty, I grabbed Cassie a tall glass of water and sat her down in the living room. Nat and Riley had gone snowboarding in Big Bear for a couple of days, leaving Cassie and me peacefully alone.

“Sit down. I have something I want to do for you.” I ran down the hallway into our room, pulling out my guitar and taking it back out to the living room where Cassie sat.

Her eyes lit up when she saw it. “What are you playing for me?”

“Whatever you want, Blondie. What are you and my little girl in the mood for?”

She sat thinking, tapping her temple to exaggerate the act. “How about Wonderwall by Oasis?”

I strummed the chords as Cassie sang the words. We went through a few more songs before the perfect song crept into my head, making me stop and stare up into the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. After a slight pause, I began strumming the chords for the beginning of Sweet Annie by Zac Brown Band. I’d heard the song in my truck on the way to work one morning and immediately placed myself and Cassie into the lyrics, then played it over and over again. Tears filled Cassie’s eyes as she listened to me play. The song was us to a tee. I never wanted to spend another day apart because I had found everything I needed in her.

“You know my emotions are all over the place. Why would you play that song?” she asked through sniffles.

When I’d finished, I dropped the guitar and took her in my arms, kissing her over and over again. “That song was written for us, Blondie. You’ve put up with me, saw me through some bad times, and you’re still here. I don’t know how else to show my love and appreciation.”

No words were spoken as she took my face in her hands and kissed me, pressing her plump lips to mine.

We cuddled on the couch together, Cassie in front, me behind with my hand affixed to her belly. This was perfection at its finest, and there was nothing in the world that would ever take this away.

++++

The next day, our momentary peace and quiet was no more. Riley and Nat came barging through the door, screaming their asses off at one another. Cassie was in our room sleeping. She’d had a rough night and finally caught a break, so I’d put her to bed, hoping she could sleep now to make up for her restlessness the night before.

“What the fuck is wrong with you two? Cassie is sleeping.”

“Ask your boy, Chris, Mr. Fucking Popular on the Mountain.”

The look on his face showed amusement while her’s showed wrath. I could tell this would be an interesting story that I’d side with Riley on, further pissing Nat off.

“Well, what happened?” I asked, unable to contain my laughter. It was funny seeing cute, little Nat angry as a fucking bull and ready to charge.

“Well, she is mad—”

“Shut up, Chris. Anyway, I’m pissed off at your boy here because the second I leave his side, he’s got bitches for days lining up to be around him. One bitch even kissed him. I yanked her ass by those fake, bleached blonde extensions of hers, then let them fall in the snow to keep her ass away from my man.”

I burst out laughing. Picturing Nat grabbing some chick by her hair and screaming in her face, was much too comical to hold it in.

“What did you do, asshole?”

“I laughed. But then I grabbed Nat since Bridgette was ready to go toe to toe.”

“Yeah, and we got asked to leave the resort. Your boy thought it was funny the entire way home, but I didn’t think so. If I could have snatched that bitch’s lips off her face, I would have done it.”

Cassie’s voice could be heard from our bedroom, making me frown over in the fighting fucktard’s direction. “You two assholes woke her up. She didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“Alex, she’s pregnant, lay off of her. I think you’ve done enough.”

“Man, get your chick. Go fuck this aggression out of her while I go and tend to mine.”

Nat flipped me the bird as I walked past her and into the room where Cassie was sitting up with her phone in her hands. My smile immediately faded as I took in her expression.

“What’s the matter?”

“Just got a text from Taylor.”

That was the last thing I wanted to hear. I didn’t know that fucking girl, but I disliked her immensely. She was a fucking thorn in my side, even from far away.

“You woke up for a text, Cassie? Jesus Christ, get some damn sleep.”

“I was already awake, Alex.”

“Fine. What did the bitch want?”

“Alex!”

“Fine. What does she want?”

She swallowed, looking at the phone again, then back at me. “My mom is in the hospital. She overdosed on pills.”

I felt nothing for Emmalyn. She’d been on a pill binge for far too long, so hearing of her overdose did nothing but confirm for me what I thought would eventually happen to her anyway. “What else did she say?”

“Alex, don’t be so callous.”

“What the fuck do want me to say, Cassie? This has been a long time coming.”

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

She was pissed, and her attitude concerning my attitude was doing nothing but further pissing me off. We were circling the wagons, accomplishing nothing. “If Taylor texted you to make you feel guilty, it’s fucking working. Your mom is a poison…a cancer. You have a responsibility to nurture our daughter, and I’m not letting anyone jeopardize that.”

“Alex, shut up, for two seconds. My mom has been in the hospital for two days now. She begged Taylor to call me, but Taylor refused, saying we drove her to binge out on pills.”

I laughed off the accusation. “Are you fucking kidding me? And you’re eating that shit up? Let me remind you, Cassie, that your mom is a pill popper. She enjoys stuffing her body full of toxins that will eventually kill her. We did nothing to send her on her latest binge, so just get that stupid fucking thought out of your head.”

“Alex, she’s hurting. Taylor says she tried to kill herself.”

“I still don’t get the guilt. She wants to lay this at your feet because shifting blame is easier than accepting and taking responsibility for it.”

“I want to go to the hospital.”

“No! You’re not driving yourself to Arizona. No fucking way.”

“She’s at Desert.”

My eyes bulged. “Why the fuck is she still here?”

“I don’t know, but we need to go. She’s been asking for me, and I think I need to be there if only to clear my mind.”

Cassie knew how to get under my skin, and she was doing a damn good job of it. Emmalyn was the last person who I cared to waste a moment of time, breath, or thoughts on, but for some strange reason, Cassie needed to get there. Instead of continuing to fight her, I helped her get dressed, then put her into the truck and headed down to Desert Hospital, hating myself for voluntarily throwing us into self-inflicted torture.

When we checked in on the bottom floor, I took Cassie’s hand and made sure she knew that she could always turn around and walk out the door. Undue stress was unnecessary, and the thought of Emmalyn or Taylor upsetting Cassie to the point that it hurt the baby…well, that thought just sent anger crawling through my body. If either of them got out of line with her, this little meeting would be over before they knew it.

We stepped off the elevator and down the hallway where we came face to face with Taylor. The scowl on her face made me reciprocate. I hated the girl, and I had only interacted with her for maybe ten minutes, at best.

“Your mom is in here, Cass. I’m so glad you came.”

She hugged Cassie, and it made my stomach roil. We didn’t speak, instead ignoring one another as we quietly made our way into the room.

Emmalyn looked like death. She opened her eyes and saw Cassie, then weakly smiled. I stood in the back of the room, my arms folded across my chest as I waited, hoping Cassie would make this quick and I would be able to get out of here before I lost all of composure. I don’t care how bad of shape Emmalyn was in—she deserved everything that she got.

“Cassie, you came,” she weakly said.

Cassie stepped closer to her bed, stopping just short when I pushed over a chair for her to sit down in.

“Yes, I came. What did you do?”

Emmalyn coughed—a deep, hacking cough. “I’ve lost it all, Cassie. I’ve known for quite some time that what I’ve done to you was beyond wrong. I just didn’t know how to fix it.”

“So you thought swallowing pills was the way out?”

“No, I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I was trying to cope with the pain…the hurt of everything.”

Running her hands through her hair, Cassie sighed her frustration. “I’ve had a lifetime of hurt with you, Mom. You have no idea how badly you’ve scarred me, how irrevocably damaged I will always be because of the treatment I’ve received from you. The Marine Corps was my ticket out, and you’ve managed to bring your toxicity into that. I wanted nothing to do with you after I left. Nothing.”

“I know that, but I didn’t know any other way to come back to you.”

“So you thought being a nasty bitch was the answer?” I blurted out, bringing all eyes on me. I ran my hand over my face. There was no way for me to stand in the room and listen to this without lashing out at Emmalyn.

“Alex! Don’t!”

I threw my hands up in surrender. If Cassie wanted to deal with her mom this way, I was inclined to let her.

“Cassie, I need you. I know I don’t deserve you, but I need you. I’m sick.” She paused and gathered herself. “Cassie, my liver is not functioning the way it should be. When Taylor told me you were pregnant, I saw everything that I’d be missing. Your beautiful baby…I don’t want to miss out on that.”

“You don’t just get to jump back into my life when it’s convenient for you. I’ve gone through hell with you. I’m sorry you’re sick, and I hope for the best, but I can’t forgive the years of mistreatment at the drop of a hat.”

“And I don’t expect you to. I just want to try and make up for it. I want to see your beautiful baby.”

My heart was about to explode. Numerous thoughts filled my head, and none of them were good. Emmalyn had a lot of fucking nerve, and while I promised myself that I would stay in the background, I knew it was a promise I just couldn’t keep.

“Emmalyn, I don’t think you understand the depth of your hatred for your own daughter. You’ve bruised her emotionally and mentally. That’s not easy to do, nor is it easy to get over.”

“I understand that.”

“So why should we allow you back? And I say we because we are a unit…a team, and I’ll be damned if I’m consoling her because you’ve managed to destroy her again.” The longer I stared into her lifeless eyes, the more inclined I felt to let her know exactly what was on my mind. “I loved my mom with everything I have, and unfortunately, she was taken away from me not too long ago. My mom was loving, caring, compassionate, and would have made a fantastic grandmother, but that will never happen, and I can’t pinpoint why…why she had to be the one. Then I look at you, after everything you’ve done to Cassie all of these years, and I see someone that is so undeserving of her and our baby. How am I supposed to allow you in when I don’t fucking trust you as far as I can throw you?”

“Alex, that is absolutely enough. You need to step out,” Cassie chastised. Too bad for her, I wasn’t budging.

“It’s okay, Cassie,” Emmalyn replied. “He’s got a valid point. I’m not stupid or naïve. I know this is going to take time, and you have every right to reject me, but I’m hoping that you don’t. I have to start somewhere to make amends, why not here?”

“Why here?” I rebuffed.

“Emmalyn, I’m going to be frank with you.” Cassie lifted her head, quickly turning towards me. Fear shone through her eyes, making my heart sink just a little. “If I had my way, we’d walk out of here, and you’d be an afterthought.” I stopped and looked into Cassie’s tearful eyes. Even with utter sadness filling her head to toe, she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

“I don’t think Cassie is going to allow that to happen, and I hope…gosh, I fucking hope you understand how compassionate and loving of a daughter you have because she should get up and walk right out of here. I’ll tell you this though, and hear me out because I am not fucking lying when I say this…you get yourself clean before you even think of coming anywhere near her or my child. Do you understand that? If you don’t get clean, you don’t get to come around.”

Tears fell fast from Emmalyn’s eyes, marking the first time I saw real emotion out of her. “I’m so grateful. I’m so grateful.”

“Well, make good on what you know you need to do. Because the second you bring this negativity back into our world, I will rip you out of it so fast you won’t know what hit you.”

Emmalyn reached out for Cassie, taking her hand and kissing the top. I still hated everything about the woman, but I finally understood what Cassie had been saying about compromising. It wasn’t about me, but about the love I had for her. I didn’t have to like what she was doing, but if it made her feel better, it was my duty to prop her up and support her the best way that I could. The light bulb had finally gone off and in the most intriguing of circumstances.

“Alex, can you give us a minute?” Cassie asked.

I walked over and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be right outside waiting for you.” After looking her over a minute more, I walked out the door and waited, my heart hurting for her and knowing that everything that I had done, was all that I could do.

Chapter 24

Cassie

Staring at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t believe it. My day was finally here—I was finally about to become Mrs. Cassie Cruz.

Nat and Adriana fussed over me as they curled my hair and applied mounds of makeup, all in the name of making me perfect for my big day, but I didn’t need any of that. All I needed was to walk down that aisle and become Alex’s wife.

Here I was, two months later with my ever growing belly now noticeable to everyone who saw me. It made me smile knowing that soon Alex and I would have our little bundle of joy. We’d elected not to find out the sex of the baby, wanting to be surprised at birth, then placed wagers with everyone we knew. Alex was dead set that I was carrying his little princess, and made promises to include his mom in her naming. It meant everything to him, so it meant everything to me. After all that we had been through, our independent happiness had become the other’s priority.

“Have you eaten today, Cassie?”

“Adriana, I’m getting married. I can’t stomach food.”

“Um, that’s my niece in there. You need to feed her, she’s moving around.”

Nat brought me a half turkey wrap. “Eat, Cassie. You have to feed that baby and calm your nerves.”

“I don’t know why you’re nervous anyway,” Adriana added. “You’re stuck with us. You’ve got a Cruz growing inside of you.”

We all laughed. Her words couldn’t have held more truth. Alex was so utterly possessive and consuming that our child would forever link us because there was no way he would allow it to be any other way.

“Hey, it’s show time, girls,” the wedding planner announced, poking her head into the room.

“Oh shit! Hurry up and eat that, Cassie,” Nat ordered, then took mouth spray and filled my mouth, making sure that my first kiss as Alex’s wife was as she said, “Minty fresh!”

Strolling down the steps of the chapel, I waited as I watched Adriana, then Nat take their walk down the aisle. Abel and Alex’s cousin Lina walked down next, Abel carrying the rings on a camo printed pillow as Lina dropped red rose petals on the floor.

My smile at the adorable little kids quickly disintegrated as the music cueing my entrance began to play. I swallowed, trying to reign myself in. The baby moved incessantly, probably feeling the nerves swirling through my body. I took two more steps and found solace in Dalton’s smiling face as he held out his arm for me, ready and waiting to walk me down the aisle. I had no dad, and in my moment of panic, Dalton did what Dalton does best—he took my burden and quickly erased it, reminding me that I had a best friend who loved me enough to take the honor. I burst into tears on his shoulder, grateful and thankful that he was a part of my life.

Since I had very little family, the chapel was filled with Alex’s family and our mutual friends. I’d shed plenty of tears over this realization during the planning, but Alex reminded me that his family was my family and that they would be there to share our day, not just his. The pregnancy had me crying over everything, and I couldn’t wait until I got to a point where I would no longer shed tears every time something had to be questioned.

I looked ahead, my nerves dissipating as my heart fluttered at the sight of my soon-to-be husband. Alex stood tall in his crisp dress blues, looking just as handsome as he had the night I met him at Coyotes. Riley and Smith stood next to him, dressed in the same uniform and making up quite the impressive trio. Dalton and I walked for what felt like a lifetime, finally stopping at the alter—where Alex took my hand away from my best friend. It felt real and genuine, and I smiled back at Dalton as he turned away, wiping a tear from his eye. Alex wrapped my arm around his, smiling at me with a seductive gleam in his eye as we walked up the steps to stand before the Chaplain.

The ceremony seemed to go by slowly, but the second we were asked to recite our vows, I fell in love with Alex all over again.

“Cassie, you’ll never truly know how much you’ve changed my life, and how much better I am for it, but I plan to work every single day to show you just how much of a better man you make me want to be. I’ve gone a long time doing the wrong thing, but I knew from the second our eyes met that you were somebody special, and I threw all caution to the wind to be a part of you. I’ve messed up, and I will continue to have my hiccups, but there is no better person in this world that I would rather go through life’s trials and tribulations with.

“I promise to spend every day of the rest of our lives loving you, protecting you, sacrificing and compromising for you because your happiness is what truly matters. I’m so in love with you, and I love you more today that I did yesterday. Keep showing me the way, baby, and I promise you I’ll continue to grow to be the man you need me to be. I love you.”

Tears filled my eyes and streaked down my face, defying the order I’d had from Nat not to cry and destroy her hard work, but the passion in Alex’s voice, and the look in his eyes, had done me in.

We made it through the rest of the ceremony, eagerly awaiting the words that we had been waiting to hear for so long. “Alex, you may now kiss your bride.”

Alex wasted no time, taking me in his arms and kissing me like we were the only two people in the room. The chapel filled with cheers and whistles, Riley rooting Alex on. I held him tightly and kissed him as if it was the last kiss we’d ever have, living in the moment and grateful that this man, this man that I had gone through scandal, fights, break-ups, and makeups with, was now my husband.

We pulled away, and I wiped the lipstick from Alex’s mouth. He followed behind me, licking his lips in a way that gave me, and only me, the signal that he couldn’t wait for more.

“I now give you, Mr. and Mrs. Alejandro Cruz.”

The chapel erupted in applause. Alex took my hand and led me down the stairs, stopping at the empty seat next to his grandmother that held his mom’s picture. He kissed her face, then whispered, “I did it, Mama,” before leading me out of the chapel and into the brisk air where he held me tight and kissed me again with everything he had.

++++

The reception was held at a restaurant just outside the front gate of Camp Pendleton. Alex spared no expenses, making sure it was everything that I wanted it to be. Servers walked around holding trays of champagne and hor d’orvers, making sure guests were never empty handed. The room was decorated in Marine Corps, blood stripe red, and luxurious accents of gold. I hadn’t doubted for one second that everything would turn out exactly the way we had planned it. Alex was a tyrant with every single detail to be hashed out. We’d fought about it, but in the end it was okay because the smile on Alex’s face as we were introduced to our family was everything I’d hoped it would be and more.

Our first dance was to Amazed by Lonestar. Alex picked the song himself, leaving it a surprise for me since I’d told him I couldn’t possibly make a choice. From the opening piano key, I knew what it was, and my heart fluttered. As brash as Alex could be, his sensitive and romantic side was just as much a part of him, only I was normally the only person on the receiving end of it. We danced as one, kissing and laughing as Alex attempted to sing along. We were lost in one another, forgetting the rest of the world.

“You just made me the happiest man on earth today, Blondie. I don’t know what tops this.”

I took his hand and placed it on my belly. “How about the birth of this little one?”

A smile crept across Alex’s face. “That’s a whole new realm, baby. I can’t wait for it.”

Our dance ended, and Alex and I took our seats. The lights were dimmed as a spotlight shone down on a single chair placed in the middle of the room with a picture of Imelda. I held Alex’s hand tight, knowing that this would be a very emotional part of the day for him, and unsure just how he would handle it. A Song for Mama by Boys II Men came through the speakers, drawing cheers and appreciation from everyone in attendance.

The room sat quiet as the song played. Adriana held on to Guadalupe and cried as Alex tightened his grip on my hand, bringing it to his lips periodically and covering it in small kisses. His foot tapped to the beat, and at certain points throughout the song, he held his head upwards, eyes closed as he quietly spoke words that only he was able to hear. My heart shattered for him, but also for me. Imelda was very much a part of me, and seeing Alex hurt leveled out some of the joy and euphoria the day had brought.

When the song ended, there wasn’t a dry eye in the building. Alex held me, resting his face into my shoulder as he cried a few tears for his mom. I rubbed his head and allowed him to cry, wiping my own stray tears away as the room eased back into party mood. Imelda would always be remembered—we would make sure of that.

After making our way around the room and greeting all of our guests, which turned into mass introductions for me, Alex seductively removed my garter with his mouth, drawing cries from the crowd.

“That’s how you’ve got the bun in the oven now!”

“You have to wait to make another one!”

Laughter filled the room as I blushed from sheer embarrassment. Riley was the lucky man to catch the garter, sending Nat squealing with delight. He immediately threw it back to Alex, smiling and laughing before taking it back from him.

My bouquet was next.

Numerous, jubilant ladies stood, eager to get their hands on what they presumed would be the ticket to their own wedding. Nat placed herself upfront, pushing to keep her place. I turned and looked back, trying to find exactly where I wanted to toss it. On the count of three, I closed my eyes and tossed, unsure of where it was going. The room filled with screams, yells, and cheers. I turned around to find Adriana standing with the bouquet in her hands, smiling like she’d just hit the lottery. She ran over to a table where Jensen was seated, plopped down on his lap and kissed him as she triumphantly pumped the bouquet in the air.

Alex didn’t share her joy, but as the DJ started up the party music, I took his face in my hands and reminded him, “She’s grown, and this is our day. Let it go.”

Alex didn’t want Jensen in attendance, but this was another compromise on his part. I went to bat for Adriana because I knew how much it meant to her to have her boyfriend there with her, and honestly, Alex needed to work towards dealing with Jensen once again. It wasn’t going to happen overnight, I was well aware of that, but if the foundation for rebuilding their relationship could be set, I wanted it done. Jensen had hurt us both, but with so much hurt and anger surrounding us, I was all about healing and forgiving, especially for the sake of a happy home for our unborn child.

“They won’t get married. He won’t commit on that level. I know it.”

“I don’t care. I care about dancing with my sexy husband and losing myself in you.”

“Oh, you’ll lose yourself all right, but it’ll be with me deep inside of you. We’re going to christen that bed as Mrs. Cruz. You just wait.”

“I’m ready for it, The Great.”

“Be careful what you wish for, Blondie. I’m your husband now, and have to show no mercy.”

“Bring it.”

We danced and mingled as Alex took a few shots too many with his buddies, allowing his drunken alter ego to shine through. Riley did a great job of blocking him, effectively cutting him off and saving my wedding night.

Married sex, even pregnant with a protruding bump, was more exhilarating than I’d ever imagined it could be. It could have been the alcohol, or the pure excitement of who we were to each other, but Alex ravaged me, slowed it down and savored me, then sped up and destroyed me all over again. I loved every second of it, knowing that this was what I had to look forward to for the rest of my life.

I couldn’t find a better way to think about our future.

Epilogue

Alex

Five Years Later…

I stood manning the grill, the delicious aroma of carne and chicken filling the air as Adriana, Cassie, and Nat took care of the sides. Riley made sure to keep a fresh beer in my hand while I slaved away over the meat. Luckily, we weren’t dying of heat stroke from the blazing Twentynine Palms, desert sun. Instead, we were beachside in San Clemente and loving every minute of it.

“Hey… hey! Slow down. You’re going to get burned by the grill, boys.”

“Sorry, Nino,” Abel apologized, quickly grabbing the soccer ball and running back in the other direction.

“I’m sorry, too, Daddy.”

“It’s all right, AJ. Go on and play with your cousin.”

My little boy smiled at me, looking so much like Cassie that it made my heart skip a beat. Alejandro ‘Alex’ Junior, or AJ as we called him, was our first born—our born rebel since he was conceived through fraternizing and we often joked about it. He was fair skinned and had dirty blond hair, taking after Cassie much more so than he did me. Cassie joked that she was obviously stronger, so it only made sense that her genes had won out. He had my name and my eyes, and that deadly combination was all that really mattered.

Screams filled the air, making me hurriedly turn as I found AJ looking like the guilty party.

“Daddy, Antonio is eating sand! He’s eating sand, Daddy.”

My second born, two year old Antonio, had a mouth full of sand and AJ was forcefully trying to pry it out. Antonio cried, pointing his finger at AJ as he babbled out incoherent sentences. I laughed at the sight of it all. AJ was so much like me—a born leader, who didn’t back down from much of anything. I handed my beer to Riley, taking off in the direction of the boys.

Abel made his way over and convinced AJ to play soccer with him.

“Daddy, it hurt, Daddy.”

“I know, little dude.” I picked him up and carried him back over to where Riley stood waiting for me. “But you can’t eat sand. What have we told you about that?”

Antonio pouted his lips, then laid his head down on my shoulder. Cassie and Adriana came strolling out of the house, looking at me inquisitively.

“What happened?” Cassie asked, holding her arms out for Antonio. “His mouth is full of sand, Alex!”

“I’m well aware of that, babe. He was eating it, and AJ tried to get it out of his mouth. Calm down.”

She rubbed Antonio’s dirty blond hair. He had the same hair color as AJ, but his skin had more of a caramel tint to it, and he had Cassie’s green eyes.

“Here, let me take him. He looks tired.”

“He can walk, or Adriana can take him. You are not to carry him. You’re six months pregnant, Cassie.”

Adriana came and took Antonio, who immediately laid his head down on her shoulder. I took Cassie in my arms and held her around her waist, getting as close to her as I possibly could since her belly was more than showing.

“I don’t think you have ever been more beautiful than when you’re pregnant. I’m thinking I’m just going to have to keep you this way.” I slowly ran my tongue across her bottom lip, moving to a fulfilling kiss as she smacked my arm and squealed.

“I’m done, Mister. Three kids are plenty enough for me.”

“I don’t like the idea of an odd number of kids. We have to even it out. At least let me make one more?”

Cassie’s emerald eyes shimmered in the sun as she grinned mischievously at me. I wasn’t sure what the grin was for, or what was running through her head, but if she were even considering the idea it would make me the happiest man on earth.

“Ahem! You haven’t even gotten that one out, and you’re trying to make another?”

I looked up to find Dalton and Ben standing there with six packs in their hands.

“No, we are not. My husband is just a sex fiend, and he knows what becomes of all that,” Cassie answered, unraveling herself from my grasp and giving Dalton and Ben hugs. “There are coolers over there for the beer.”

I gave both guys a handshake, then led them in the direction of the coolers, tapping Cassie on her sweet ass as I passed by. When pregnant, her ass grew a bit, making it damn near irresistible to me.

Dalton, Ben, Riley and I chatted around the grill, shooting the shit about the Corps and how much we loved and hated it at the same time. Dalton was now stationed at Miramar, just down the road in San Diego, and Ben had moved out to be with him long ago. They still weren’t married, and I wondered why, asking every now and then but never getting a real answer. In my opinion, it had more to do with Dalton’s fear of commitment, but it really wasn’t my business, so I didn’t press the issue.

Riley was also at Miramar, but only had another three months in the Corps before he was out for good. He and Nat married two years ago, but still hadn’t procreated, and thank fucking God for that. She was still as crazy and spazzy as she ever was, and he was just too damn goofy to be anyone’s dad. They wanted kids, and often asked me and Cassie a shit ton of questions, but so far, no bun in her oven. Nat had made it kind of big down here, tatting up Marines and working all sorts of crazy ass hours. She wasn’t ready to give that up, or even shelve it for a while, and I respected the fact that she could be honest about it.

“Where’s Jensen? He’s never late,” Dalton asked, looking around as he shielded his eyes from the sun.

“I sent him to the store,” Adriana piped in. “He forgot the baby’s extra bottles.”

Jensen and Adriana were now married and the parents of seven month, Connor. It had taken me a long time before I’d accepted the relationship. Jensen had essentially turned his back on me and left me out to dry, and I’d taken that shit to heart. I’d hated him, hated what he had become, but deep down I’d still loved him.

I saw what he was able to do for my sister. I hadn’t seen her so happy in quite some time, and it was that happiness, and the love and acceptance that he had for Abel that had helped me get over my bruised ego. Cassie helped as well, withholding sex until I’d agreed to hear him out. I’d hated that shit, but because I am a man, and my dick overruled my mind, I’d given in and finally gotten what I’d wanted.

Nat came poking her head through the front doorway of the house. “Hey, I’m almost ready. Where is Jensen? I want to get this party started.”

“He’s on his way back from the store. He should be here any minute,” Adriana yelled back. “Alex, here is a pan for the meat.”

I took the pan and threw the carne and chicken on it. Abel and AJ came running over, stealing a piece of the carne before anyone could see what they were up to. Abel was AJ’s role model, and it didn’t matter what he did, AJ was sure to follow.

When I walked in, Cassie was helping Nat get all of the sides situated: rice, beans, homemade tortillas, guacamole, sour cream, and freshly made salsa. The girls had really taught Cassie how to cook, and thankfully for me, it was paying off. I could sit around and wrestle with my boys after a long day of work, and find her just finishing dinner. Cassie got out of the Marine Corps after her first contract. The births of AJ and Antonio, coupled with a stint in Afghanistan was enough to make us realize that both of us couldn’t stay in. We didn’t want our boys growing up with both parents always on the go, so as soon as her contract ended, she EAS’d and left me to be the sucker to deal with all of the Corps bullshit. I wouldn’t have had it any other way, though. There was no way I wanted the boys to be without their mom, and I gladly took the helm of our family, and sacrificed my time so she could give all of hers to them.

“You excited, babe?” Cassie asked, clasping her hands together and looking giddy.

“I’m really fucking hungry. I just want to eat.”

“Watch your mouth, Alex. Connor is over there in his swing.”

“Connor is seven fucking months old. He can’t understand what I’m saying.”

“Well, I don’t want my son’s first word to be any variation of the work, fuck, so knock it off.”

I waved both of the girls off. It was ridiculous to think that a baby could understand what I was saying, and even more so that he would, months later, mimic it.

The door swung open and in ran Abel and AJ, laughing hysterically, and bringing trails of sand in with them.

“Why are you boys so loud?” Cassie asked, stopping them in their tracks. “Antonio is sleeping in the room.”

“Sorry, Mama, but Tio Brandon is trying to eat me. He says that’s what pirates do.”

Behind the boys came Jensen and my grandma carrying bags from the baby store. I have no clue how he could manage himself in a place like that. It was like a never ending factory of baby goods that, no matter what you picked out, would never be the right thing.

He held up the bag with a hopeful smile on his face, and I knew what that meant—don’t kill if this isn’t the right shit. Adriana marched over to him, taking the bag and peering inside before looking up to him and smiling. He leaned down and kissed her, a sigh of relief leaving his body as he did so. My sister was a Jensen now, but she was still every bit a Cruz, and it was a force to be reckoned with.

“Tio Brandon, tell me about your pirate patch again,” AJ asked, overly excited as he tugged on Jensen’s leg.

“I will, little guy, but let’s eat first. Then I’ll tell you all about it.”

Jensen had volunteered twice for combat deployments—once to Afghanistan and the other to Iraq. During his last deployment to Iraq, his vehicle had been hit by a roadside bomb, tossing it up into the air and coming down in a ball of fire. Only Jensen and another guy managed to survive the carnage, but they’d both had a long, tiresome recovery. After undergoing numerous surgeries and skin grafts, the only sign of his injury was his ‘pirate patch’ that he wore daily. He’d lost his right eye in the melee, and his career in the Corps was finished. It had broken his spirits for a while, but we’d all helped him through that ugly time in his life, and now he and my sister couldn’t be happier.

“Donde es Antonio?” my grandmother asked. She was older, slower, and definitely sicker, but she was still around and kicking, and played a very active role in my boys’ lives. Without my mom, she was the next best thing that the boys had to a grandmother.

“He’s sleeping,” Cassie chimed in, taking AJ over to the sink to rinse off his hands. Her Spanish was nearly fluent now, making it easier to communicate with my grandmother. We were teaching the boys as well.

“All right, since everyone is finally here, it’s time for the big surprise,” Nat announced, grinning from ear to ear. “Since Cassie and Alex have no clue what they are having, I asked Cassie if I could find out and throw them a gender reveal party. Thankfully, Baby Cruz finally decided to participate so we can reveal it!”

“I vote for another wiener,” Riley croaked out in between sips of his beer.

“You and me both, Riley,” Cassie agreed. I scrunched my eyebrows at her, making her shrug her shoulders. “What can I say? Boys are pretty easy.”

I pulled her back into my arms, her plump ass resting on my cock. This was a bad idea with so many people in the room.

“And I need my princess.”

“You have me.”

“You’re my Queen, Blondie. My Queen.”

“Yeah, enough with that shit. Can we get to it before these two cause early labor and make another baby right here in front of us,” Adriana sarcastically threw in.

Nat took the knife next to the cake that she had been slaving over all day long. It was a long rectangular shaped cake, decked out in yellow frosting with little baby carriages on top.

“Do you want to cut the cake, Cassie?”

Cassie looked back to me and smiled, but turned back to Nat and shook her head. “No, I think I’ll let Alex cut it.”

I kissed Cassie’s cheek, then moved around her, taking the knife from Nat’s hands. “Are you all ready?”

“Nooo, Daddy! I want the cake.”

“You’ll get some, little guy. I promise.”

“I want to cut it.”

Cassie moved aside and let AJ through. Riley pushed a chair over to the counter and I helped my boy up, placing his hand on the knife before situating my hand on top of his.

“I just want everyone to know that no matter what, I’m happy, but Alex might need a shrink if he doesn’t get what he wants.”

The room broke out in laughter, and AJ shoved the knife down into the cake before I even had a chance to guide him. Our hands smashed into it, pulling out the cake matter as I pulled back.

“Ewww! I don’t like pink!” AJ shouted, then jumped down from the chair.

Everyone clapped loudly as the cheers rang out. I was so full of happiness that I couldn’t contain it. “Fuck yeah! Hell fucking yeah! I’ve got a little girl growing in there.” I reached out for Cassie and smeared some of the pink cake on her face, kissing and licking it off of her.

“Alex! The kids…”

“I’m too fucking excited to care. Let them see. AJ, you’re getting a little sister.”

“I’m so excited for you guys. Congratulations!” Adriana hugged us both, followed by Nat and then my grandmother.

The guys each gave their congratulations in a much more subdued manner, but still thrilled that I finally got what I had been looking for.

“I’ll just let everyone know, if baby number three had been another boy, we’d be doing this again in the near future.”

Cassie’s smiling face instantly faded and she switched to chiding me. “You are cut off, Cruz. You’re off to get snipped. I’m just letting you know that.”

My joy fell. “Cassie, fuck that. I’m not getting anything snipped. Don’t even joke about that shit.”

“Anyway, you two, it’s been hell on me keeping that a secret for the past week. And now that we know what you’re having, what are you going to name her? I hate calling her, the baby,” Nat interrupted.

“Imelda Christine Cruz. We want her to take her grandmother’s name.”

Adriana’s eyes welled with tears as my grandmother allowed hers to flow. I took her in my arms, whispering how much I loved her and that everything would be okay.

“I’m so proud of you, Alejandro. So proud.”

With my grandmother getting older, she was sadly coming to grips with the fact that her health was fading and that she might not have too much longer with us. She missed my mom terribly, and often spoke about me or Adriana having a little girl, a girl to remember my mom by. After the birth of AJ and Antonio, we’d all hoped that Adriana would have a little girl, but when we’d found out she was having another boy, we’d all kind of lost hope.

“I know you are, Abuelita. I know you are.”

“Well, let’s eat because I am starving,” Riley called out, leading everyone out to the back patio.

We ate, talked about the baby and just how much my mom would have loved the growing family we had, shared stories about her, and even shed a couple of tears. I often wondered if I would ever be okay with it all, but the answer was simple—I wouldn’t be. My mom lived on in my heart every single day, and while my boys looked so much like Cassie, I was thankful that every now and then I would catch glimpses of my mom’s face. It was a constant reminder that she was there, smiling down on us and proud of the man that I had become.

On the other hand, I couldn’t have been more thankful that I didn’t have to look into the faces of my boys and see the traces of the one women that I’d never learned to love… hell, I had never even learned to tolerate… Emmalyn. After her brush with death during Cassie’s pregnancy with AJ, she’d promised that she would get clean because she wanted to be a part of her daughter’s and grandkid’s lives. At first, she kept to her promise, even checking herself into rehab and completing her treatment. She’d done well for the first year, but soon after relapsed and found herself back in rehab. It was after that stint that Cassie made it abundantly clear that if she fucked up one more time she would be cut off for good, and there would be no looking back.

Emmalyn’s well to do promises were all good until she was visiting while I was in Afghanistan, and messed up for the last time. I’d called home to speak to Cassie, and found her beside herself. She said she’d run to the mini mart on base to get milk for AJ, and when she got back, Emmalyn was passed out in her room with pills lying on the floor, and vodka shots half drank. Cassie flipped her shit, and woke her mom up as she screamed. If AJ had been in the house with her at any point, he could have swallowed one of the pills or sipped on one of her vodka shots.

Cassie stuffed all of her mom’s belongings into her bags, then tossed them out of the front porch. Emmalyn cried and pleaded her case, claiming she had messed up, but that she had gone so long without falling off the wagon that she deserved another chance. I hadn’t offered any input or advice. I only listened to my wife, and when she told me that at that moment, looking at her mom, she saw nothing, I knew she had finally had enough of her shit.

The MPs were called to escort her off base, and that was that. Emmalyn had tried calling a few times, but when Cassie ignored every call, she’d finally given up. I’d offered to change her number, but Cassie made it clear that she would not take that drastic step and that the woman who happened to birth her would eventually get the clue.

Emmalyn missed the birth of Antonio, and would certainly miss Imelda’s birth, but that was the way we wanted it—only good hearted and well-rounded people in our children’s lives. I’d celebrated when Cassie told me she’d thrown her mom out for good, and I hadn’t felt an ounce of fucking guilt for it. If I’d had my way, that day in the hospital after Christmas would have been the last time we’d ever had to contend with that poor excuse for a woman, but Cassie, being the warm hearted person that she was, found a way to give her mom a chance. I couldn’t say I was glad that she’d had to learn the hard way, but I knew the day would eventually come, and it felt good as hell to know that the woman would forever be a distant memory for me.

++++

Lying down with Cassie later that evening, I ran my fingers over her growing belly, feeling the small kicks of my daughter as my hand traced her tiny form. “I can’t tell you enough how much I love you, Blondie. I love everything you’ve ever done for me because you certainly didn’t have to.”

“Why are you getting so sentimental?”

I rested my weight on my elbow. “I’ve wanted a daughter, and now I’m getting one. And you’re just a fucking amazing mom to my boys. I couldn’t have picked a better woman to bear my kids.”

“Are you thinking about your mom? She’s going to live on through our little girl.”

“She forever lives on, with AJ and Antonio, too, but yes, every time I look into our baby girl’s eyes, I’m going to see my mom. Thank you.”

“Well, give yourself some credit. You put in half the hard work.” Cassie smiled, that same body warming, cock jolting smile that had hooked me five years before.

“I think I need to put in more work. We need to celebrate our news.”

Just as my hands were making their way into the lace of Cassie’s panties, I heard a cry coming from down the hall—cock blocked.

“Don’t move. I’m coming right back.”

I ran out of the room and down the hall to find Antonio lying in his bed, pissed as fuck because his nightlight had turned off. He reached for me, and I had no choice but to hold him and rock him back into a comfortable enough lull so that he’d lie back down. When his tiny body rested heavily in my arms, I placed him back down in his bed, then turned off his nightlight and crept out of the room.

Cassie was half asleep when I got back, allowing a cloud of disappointment to hover above me. My dick was hard and I could feel every inch of it, so selfish or not she had to wake up, or I’d have a long, painful night ahead of me. I undressed, then laid down beside her, running my hand down her middle again and finding my way to her sweet, succulent entrance. Gently rubbing my thumb over her clit, I moved her top up and over her tits, the perkiness and fullness of them enticing me until I had no choice but to swallow as much of them as I possibly could.

She woke, grasping my hair and murmuring, “What are you doing?”

“Everything you love for me to do,” I managed to say with half of her tit in my mouth.

Two of my fingers slid into her, and a warm, wet feel greeted them as I stroked her into a frenzy. Her hips moved to the rhythm of my hand as her moans filled the room and reminded my cock that it should be there and not my pathetic ass fingers. I quickly removed them, then positioned my knees between her legs. My cock stood long and erect, throbbing from the need to get inside of her and to do it quickly. I wasted no time, pushing myself in as far as I could go while soaking in the warmth of the beautiful woman lying before me.

Cassie moved her hips, prodding me to do what we both wanted and needed. Cassie’s libido picked up exponentially when she was pregnant, and it made me want to impregnate her over and over again.

I took her thighs in my hands and worked my way in and out of her, driving harder and faster with every moan that left her perfectly fuckable mouth. I had to be the luckiest man in the world to get to have Cassie Cruz in my bed and at my disposal every single night.

She fisted the blankets, and her head jolted to and fro as she tried to hold in her screams.

“Let it out, Blondie.”

Words never came, she just shook her head vehemently. Of course, she was looking out for AJ and Antonio, but I liked her uninhibited, and if it meant putting kids back to bed…well, we’d just have to do that.

I raised one leg up so that her foot rested on my chest, then continued to drive deeper and deeper until I could go no farther. She bit down hard on her bottom lip, her eyes completely shut as I drilled into her. Feeling the effects of the orgasm that was well on its way to exploding within me, I worked hard to bring about her release, rubbing away at her clit as I pounded her into a back arching orgasm that damn near left her breathless. She quivered beneath me, still fisting the blankets and destroying her bottom lip. I stalled and came shortly after, feeling like the celebration was long awaited and well worth it.

When I finally came down, I rolled over to her side, placing my hand back on her belly. “Damn, your stomach is hard as fuck, Blondie.”

Cassie placed her hand on top of mine and worked them into a slow, melodic motion. “The baby doesn’t like you doing all of that to me. That’s her way of letting you know.”

“Well, fuck that.” Cassie hit my hand, signaling that I shouldn’t be cursing around the baby. “Sorry, but I already know that once she’s here, I won’t be getting any for a while, so she’s just going to have to suck it up and let daddy get all that he can now.”

Cassie laughed, then turned on her side to face me. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world because I’m married to the most handsome and loving man anyone could ever ask for.”

I couldn’t help it, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it. Cassie, AJ, Antonio, and now Imelda, made me want to be a better man. I knew I still had areas of shortcomings, but their faces, their existence in my life was reason enough to stretch my comfort zone and do any and everything to make sure that they were always taken care of and never wanted for anything. I’d die before I let anything happen to any of them.

“You know what I thought about as soon as AJ smashed his hand in that cake and I saw pink?” I asked.

“What?”

“How at some point, those little boys will be trained on the M16 and will know how to defend their little sister from horny little dicks.”

“Alex!”

“What? It’s true. You think she’s going to have it easy? She’s got two big brothers and a dad. Not a chance in hell she brings some dude around here, and we let him go by easily. And if he can’t shoot a gun, he might as well hit the fucking road.”

Cassie shook her head and laughed. “Once a Marine, always a Marine.”

“Damn right. And where my daughter is concerned, that is one area where I will not be compromising.”

Cassie’s stomach finally settled, and she placed her satiny soft lips to mine. “You ready for round two, devil dog?”

“Oorah!” I yelled before helping Cassie to her knees, and taking my wife for our second round of celebration.

THE END

Glossary

BAH: Basic Allowance for Housing. Allotted to servicemembers not occupying government quarters to aid in rent payments

Boot (Marine): a new, junior Marine

Brig: military jail

Cammies: camoflauge utility uniform

Chevrons: symbols of enlisted ranks above private

Chow: food

Corpsman: an enlisted Navy medical person assigned to Marine units

Court Martial-a judicial proceeding

Cover-headgear (hat)

E-Six (E6): Enlisted rate; pay grade, Staff Sergeant in the Marine Corps

EOD: Explosive Ordinance Disposal

Firewatch: acting as a patrolling security guard

Fit Rep: Fitness Report; a tool used to evaluate the performance for Marines above the rank of Corporal

Fleet: abbreviated term for Fleet Marine Forces; the operational forces in the Marine Corps

Gunny: nickname for a Gunnery Sergeant

Hat: Marine Corps nickname for Drill Instructor

Hump: a long hike

IED: Improvised Explosive Device

Kevlar: protective helmet worn by servicemembers

Knife hand: fingers extended and joined with the thumb along the side of the hand. Used to point at someone or something.

Meritorious Promotion: an early, accelerated promotion earned through an outstanding performance of duties

Name Tapes: a strip of cloth sewn above the left breast pocket, with the last name sewn onto it

NCO: Non Comissioned Officer

Next of Kin: next living relative in your family

NJP: non-judicial punishment

OOD: Officer of the Day

Oorah: spirited cry used to respond to a verbal greeting or to show great enthusiasm.

Oxygen Thief: a worthless individual

POA: Power of Attorney

PCS: Permanent Change of Station (transfer to another base)

Pin(ing): the physical act of putting chevrons onto the collar of the blouse

PT gear: Physical Training gear (green workout clothing)

River City: a temporary restriction on all out-going communication links

Rocker: the lower half of the rank insignia of a Marine Staff Sergeant through Sergeant Major

Seabag-duffel bag used to carry one’s personal belongings

Service Alphas: consists of green trousers, long-sleeve khaki shirt, khaki tie, and green coat

Seven Day Store: a mini mart open seven days per week

Staff NCO: Marines in the rank of Staff Sergeant through Sergeant Major

Theater: geographic region

Unsat: unsatisfactory

Content

Compromising
Fraternizing - 2
By
C.C. Brown

Dedication

Playlist

Chapter 1 Alex

Chapter 2 Cassie

Chapter 3 Alex

Chapter 4 Cassie

Chapter 5 Alex

Chapter 6 Cassie

Chapter 7 Alex

Chapter 8 Cassie

Chapter 9 Alex

Chapter 10 Cassie

Chapter 11 Alex

Chapter 12 Cassie

Chapter 13 Alex

Chapter 14 Cassie

Chapter 15 Alex

Chapter 16 Cassie

Chapter 17 Alex

Chapter 18 Cassie

Chapter 19 Alex

Chapter 20 Cassie

Chapter 21 Alex

Chapter 22 Cassie

Chapter 23 Alex

Chapter 24 Cassie

Epilogue Alex

Glossary