The New Black Mask (№ 3)

Donald E. Westlake: An Interview

Donald E. Westlake is too complex a writer to characterize simply. In his twenty-five-year career, he has published upwards of sixty books. As Richard Stark, he wrote hard-boiled adventure novels about a tough professional thief named Parker; as Tucker Coe, he wrote about a neurotic ex-cop struggling to overcome his disgraceful dismissal from the force; under his own name, he has written a series of stories about a soft-boiled homicide detective named Abe Levine, who can never get used to death. Westlake is perhaps best known for his novels about John Dortmunder, a bewildered burglar who approaches his work with resignation while Westlake exposes him to the humiliations of comic circumstance.

Regardless of the pseudonym or the series character he employs, Donald E. Westlake is among the most admired writers in the field. We can only endorse the observation of Francis M. Nevins that “when the history of contemporary suspense fiction is compiled, he is likely to be recognized as one of its new masters.”

NBM: Christopher Porterfield in Time described you as “a softspoken, owlish ectomorph who resembles most of his protagonists.” Is that accurate?

Westlake: No, I don’t think so. When I started writing, my heroes tended to be older than I was, and now they’re younger, so I guess they just sort of stayed at that age of adventure. To some extent, every character is out of what’s in your own brain. I won’t do this a lot, but I’m going to paraphrase a famous writer. Aldous Huxley said that every character in every book is some part of the writer. He said the reason that he had never been able to create a character in any of his books who was driven by a need for money is that he’d never had a need for money. That doesn’t mean that if you write about a mass murderer, you are a mass murderer, but that some of the emotions or attitudes of that character are in you. In terms of behavior, in the Dortmunder books there is a feeling that things more often than not are not going to work out, but you should do the work anyway and enjoy it as much as you can, even if disaster is at the end. That’s something that I’ve shared with Dortmunder. And a kind of inane hopefulness, I share with Kelp.

NBM: You’ve used at least three pseudonyms: Richard Stark, Tucker Coe, and Curt Clark — those in addition to your own name. Why the pseudonyms, especially when it’s no secret that Richard Stark, for example, is really Donald E. Westlake and, in fact, the books are even marketed as Donald E. Westlake novels written under the name Richard Stark?

Westlake: That’s now. During the twelve years that the Parker series was being written, I resisted very much being linked with those books. Now it’s like a previous room that I don’t go into anymore. That was me then. Essentially, the reason to use different names is the same reason that General Motors does: product identification. If it’s a Cadillac you’re looking for, and when you get it home you find it’s a Chevy, you get annoyed. And if it’s a comedy that you’re looking for, and you get it home and there’s nothing but blood on every page… There’s a science-fiction writer named Poul Anderson whom I think of as the strongest example of the other way to do it. He writes everything under his name. There are one or two kinds of things that he does that I like a lot, would read. The High Crusade, for instance; terrific book. There are other things also — sword and sorcery, stuff like that — I have no interest in. So I don’t tend to go out and look for Poul Anderson, because I don’t know what I’m going to get.

NBM: You said you resisted being identified with the Richard Stark books. Why is that?

Westlake: Because I wanted the freedom of not being Westlake pretending to be this other guy. Under a pen name, it’s just this other thing, and it’s completely separate from me. So I can unlimber all of that equipment in some way.

NBM: You’ve written some sixty books in twenty-five years as a professional writer. That makes you one of the most prolific respectable contemporary mystery writers. What is it about gènre fiction that makes writers so prolific?

Westlake: I think it may be because so much of what you’re doing involves conventions, whether you are working with them or against them. In the comedy, you’re working against them, but the conventions still exist. Raymond Chandler said, if you get stuck in a book, just bring into the room a man with a gun. By the time you explain who he is and why he’s there, the story’s going again. It’s like a legal contract — so much of it is boilerplate. A genre novel is not that extreme, but you know what the conventions are that you’ll be working with or against. If you are writing, say, a novel about a married college professor having an affair with a student, there are some conventions to help along the way, but not very many. So what is the thing that keeps the rubber band wound tight? It’s hard, I think; that’s slower work. There was one book I did called Brothers Keepers. It was one of the very rare times that I started with the title. The title was “The Felonious Monks.” It was going to be a book about some monks who have a problem, and they have to commit a crime to get out of it. I got into the book a little bit and liked the characters too much to distort them into criminals, so I wound up writing the book without the crime. That meant that, first of all, I couldn’t use the title. But, secondly, now what the hell is the book about? The monks are in a building with a ninety-nine-year lease and the lease is up and the owner of the land wants to put an office building there. The monks know that the lease should be renewable, but it has been stolen from them. So what I was going to do was have them steal it back; but instead it turned out to be a love story between one of the monks and the landlord’s daughter. The whole middle section of that book has nothing to do with crime. It’s a comedy, but it’s about a sworn celibate who has run off to Puerto Rico with the landlord’s daughter. And now what? That was the slowest writing I’ve ever done in my life. A page a day at best, because where am I and what s going on and how do I believe — much less the reader — that there is a tension in here, that the story is going somewhere.

NBM: Do you ever feel you write too much, spread yourself too thin?

Westlake: Yes, occasionally, but not very often. If I’m working a deadline, I might feel I have to work too fast, but more often I have more books ready than I can get published. The books begin walking on each other’s heels. You see the word “another” begin to come into every review. Sometimes I think, Oh my God, I’m one step from “Yet another.”

NBM: So pseudonyms are a concession to the marketplace and the publication process?

Westlake: Yes, more or less. In the early days, I would fill in between books with things under pen names. In the last ten to fifteen years, I’ve filled in with movie or television work. I call it an unintended WPA writers’ project. They pay you the money, and you do the job, and they say thank you very much and put it on a shelf.

NBM: Anthony Boucher observed that you have an acute insight into criminal thinking. How do you achieve it? Do you research criminal activity?

Westlake: I’m not a heavy researcher. It’s boring. I grew up plotting all sorts of heists. It may be that the writer is a failed crook. He has a more cowardly way to do it, you know: “Well, let’s just put it on paper.” Then, because of what I’ve written over the years, I’ve gotten letters from people in jail. They tell me funny stories. Essentially, I’m somebody they can talk shop to, in a funny way, so some stuff comes from them.

NBM: To what extent do you read other mystery writers?

Westlake: I have read all of the early hard-boiled writers. Chandler is just a little too baroque for me. Every sentence has three syllables too many.

NBM: Too self-conscious?

Westlake: Yeah. Hammett, I think, is terrific. His use of language and his use of emotion — he’s sparing with both, and it’s very well done. Cain, too. Cain switched back and forth. You get something like Serenade and that’s pure Chandler. But then The Postman Always Rings Twice is so clean. Then there’s a guy who was doing Gold Medal originals in the 1950s and into the 1960s named Peter Rabe. He was absolutely wonderful. An awful lot of Richard Stark comes out of Peter Rabe. He had an oblique style that’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Then he sort of disappeared for a while and came back with a kind of tongue-in-cheek thing that didn’t work. But for a while he was terrific. I know very little about him. On a dust jacket it said that he had a degree in psychology from Queens College and that his master’s thesis had been on frustration. His books were crooks dealing with frustration: they were very good.

I read fewer and fewer crime or mystery novels over the years; I don’t think that they are getting worse or that I’m getting better. It’s a certain amount of overload. I had been hearing about Elmore Leonard for a while and I kind of resisted. I met the man, and he’s a nice man, and I still resisted. Then the Washington Post asked me to review LaBrava. I said, “This guy’s wonderful,” and I ran out and read all of the others. They were all wonderful, except, sometimes it’s a mistake to read right through all of them. Now I’ve been resisting Glitz, I’m not sure why.

I think Leonard has treated his general career the way I treated Richard Stark: Let me take my shoes off and relax. You know, play and experiment and fool around and not worry in the same way that I would if it was under my own name.

NBM: What happened to short stories? Is it simply a matter of markets drying up and financial pressures on the writer to produce longer works?

Westlake: I’ve used this line a couple of times with would-be writers and so on — there’s only one thing in the United States that cost a nickel in 1947 that costs a nickel today: that’s a word in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. In fact, the dollars in the short story market have not changed. In the 1930s, the slicks paid twenty-five hundred dollars; the slicks were Collier’s and the Saturday Evening Post. Today, the slicks are Playboy and Cosmopolitan, and they’re paying twenty-five hundred dollars. Book prices have changed; movies have changed; everything else has changed but the short story. If you write a novel, there are thirty publishers, and so far as I can tell, there’s a movie producer in every phone booth in Los Angeles. They at least have enough money to buy you lunch. But the magazines and the short story field are very restricted.

NBM: How many movies have been made from your novels?

Westlake: I think there are twelve. From books under my name, there’s The Busy Body, The Hot Rock, Bank Shot, Jimmy the Kid, Two Much, and that’s five. Now Richard Stark — there’s Point Blank, The Split, The Outfit, and Slayground. There were two made in France: one called Mise en Sac from a book called The Score, and one called Made in U.S.A. from a terrible book called The Jugger. And then for one movie. Cops and Robbers, I wrote the screenplay first.

NBM: What do you think of the finished products?

Westlake: It’s such a crap shoot. The auteur theory assumes that the director is in charge — and all the people know that this person’s in charge. Nobody’s in charge. It’s three blind men describing the elephant every time. There have been everything from terrific movies to movies that I refuse to see. Just hearing of them has been enough.

NBM: What makes the difference? Is there an element in there? Is it a director or producer who’s concerned?

Westlake: I don’t know. I don’t know.

NBM: Is it your involvement?

Westlake: No. For instance, The Hot Rock and Bank Shot had the same producer. They were made within a year or two years of each other. The Hot Rock came first and was mostly successful. There were a few little problems with it, beginning with the fact that Robert Redford was terribly miscast. He did an honorable job, a very good job, but there was just no way to look at him and think “loser.” There were a couple of other little problems, but mostly I thought it was a fine movie. It had a wonderful screenplay by William Goldman, so that helped. The director, Peter Yates, was very uneven, put out terrible turkeys. But at the same time he made good movies, like Bullitt. But then a year or two years later, the same producers got at least as good a cast together for Bank Shot. The screenplay was quite bad and that was maybe part of the problem, but then they hired Gower Champion to direct it, and it turned out he couldn’t direct movies, at least not comedy. Somebody who saw the movie said it was a farce shot in close-up, so that every time anybody slipped on a banana peel, they fell out of frame. You never knew what was going on. George C. Scott, why not? He could have been terrific. But that’s one I won’t see.

NBM: How much direct input do you have in the movies that are made from your books?

Westlake: None.

NBM: You sell it and stand back?

Westlake: Yeah. Twice the screenwriter consulted me. When William Goldman was doing The Hot Rock, he called me and said, “I want to have lunch with you and I want you to tell me everything you know about those characters that you didn’t put in the book.” I thought that was very smart. At every step of the way, he would send me drafts and call. I would argue with him and he’d argue with me. Usually, he would explain why he was doing what he was doing, and I would say okay. Every once in a while I would convince him. That was fine. But it was strictly between him and me. It wasn’t anything the producers asked me to do. As soon as his job was done, my relationship with the movie ended. Goldman’s smart about this, too. The day the principal photography starts, he leaves the country, goes to France or wherever, and he comes back when the movie’s over. He doesn’t want at the end of the third week to be called up and told, “Listen, the actress we hired can’t do this. Will you rewrite?” His job is done.

A guy named Richard Blackburn, who wrote the first screenplay for Slayground, did the same thing to a lesser extent. He wanted to talk about the book; he showed me the rough draft. But he stayed too close to the book.

NBM: He stayed too close to the book?

Westlake: Yeah, he did. It’s a different form. The producer thought so, too, I guess, because he fired Blackburn. That’s another movie I won’t go to. Blackburn was shown the other guy’s script, so he talked to me about it. He said, “I don’t know what they’re doing, but the director loves it; it’s very pretentious.” There is one line in it: “My gun spits truth.” I won’t go to see that either.

NBM: Joe Gores, Robert Parker, and Elmore Leonard, to name at least three, are writing detective series for TV. Do you have any inclination to answer them with a nice robbers series?

Westlake: You couldn’t have a criminal All in the Family on TV. Television is still in the old Hays office days. I’ve done a whole bunch of things for television. Luckily, almost none of it has been on the air.

NBM: Why do you say “luckily”?

Westlake: Television is much worse than movies.

NBM: Is it the minor leagues?

Westlake: It isn’t even that. It’s the Peter Principle run rampant. You’re dealing with a network. The people in the offices are dumb; they’re just dumb. I could do a paragraph on it, but it would wind up with dumb. The people I’ve dealt with, whether a good movie or a bad movie, were dumb. In the movies, you’ve got lively, intelligent, hard-driving people, because they tend to be entrepreneurs. Whereas in the networks they tend to be employees, and all they’re interested in is protecting themselves. A great dullness comes out. I’ve had conversations with people that were just beyond belief. I wouldn’t know how to write it that funny. Just one example: A few years ago, I was asked to do a TV movie, what they call a “back door pilot,” a two-hour movie, and if it works, then they would make a one-hour television series from it, but at least they get the movie on the air. The idea was an overly tough and mean cop who’s gone too far, has been reassigned to juvenile probation in the South Bronx. He has to work with a group of eleven- or twelve-year-old kids who already have felony convictions behind them. They are the toughest kids you’ve ever seen, and he’s the toughest cop they’ve ever seen, and they are his charges. The first thing they do is try to hire a hit man to kill him. That was their way: “Dirty Harry meets the Dead End Kids in the South Bronx.” So we had meetings and I said, “Are you sure you want it this tough and mean?” “Yes, yes.” So I did character sketches of the kids and a story outline. When the kids can’t get rid of the cop, they decide to make him a hero. They find a person who has been murdered and help the cop solve the crime in order to get him back in the police force’s good graces, so he will be transferred back where he belongs.

I was working for an independent production company — entrepreneur — and when I got the first draft of the story done, we went over to the network and sat down with executives. Over two and a half hours they kept backing away from every hard-nosed concept in the whole thing. At one point this executive said, “Now this one kid we’ve got here who is a very quick runner”—he is a very quick runner because his specialty is gold chains; he pulls them off women’s necks. The executive said, “I’m not necessarily saying he could be in training for the Olympics, but, maybe if you don’t like that, you know, so we can show there’s some hope for rehabilitation, maybe since he can run so fast, he could get a delivery job after school, working for the neighborhood florist” — in the South Bronx! The producer and I looked at each other and we didn’t say anything to him because there’s no point in it. But afterward, we asked each other, “Is this guy touched?” Delivering for a florist? In the South Bronx? The last flower was eaten in 1947.

NBM: Did you ever have the impulse to give them exactly what they wanted, their just deserts?

Westlake: Well, it’s hard. I tried it with that one. I think they were going to go forward until the screen actors’ strike came along. There’s a sort of a pace to these things. The project went along for eight or nine months, then a new project was launched, so that was the end of it. As I described it to someone at the time, I tried to give them as much of what they want and as little of what I don’t want as possible. It didn’t work. That’s hard to do. It’s hard, writing down. If you know it works this way, it’s hard to write how you know it doesn’t work. I don’t know how to explain that better.

NBM: You’ve been very critical in the past of the publishing industry and particularly the way publishers have handled paperbacks and mystery writers in general. Do you see publishers getting any better at what they do, or worse?

Westlake: It’s an ongoing problem, the corporate mentality again. More and more publishers are simply an element in CBS, or an element in Warner’s. There’s an individual responsibility lacking. When Viking was Tom Guinzburg and Random House was Bennett Cerf and Knopf was Knopf and Scribner was Scribner, then there was somebody who, in the first place, had a personal stake in the books he published. Either because he edited them or had his name on them. As Viking becomes a subsidiary of Penguin, and Random House becomes one-quarter of one percent of Newhouse, there’s nobody who has that same feeling. You’ve got people whose primary job is to keep their job — or find a better one. There’s no commitment. There are fewer and fewer entrepreneurs.

NBM: So your feeling is that the future of quality publishing lies with middle-size publishers who are big enough to be effective and yet small enough to escape being takeover targets?

Westlake: Yes. The primary aim of mainstream publishing now is blockbusters. Like the movies — going for blockbusters. You have to have the one great big hit. They do combination hard-cover/paperback deals up front because the auctions got to be too terrifying. Some publishers now do only four or six or eight books a year. Until they bought Dutton, NAL just published a few hard-cover books a year, and they were exclusively those they felt they could make into blockbusters. Years ago, I said the same thing about the movies. Most of the movies then were earning twelve million dollars, and two movies a year were earning sixty million dollars. If, as a result, you try not to make a twelve-million-dollar movie but aim for a sixty-million-dollar movie, then you are gearing the industry entirely to make movies for people who don’t go to movies. It’s the twelve-million-dollar movies that arc being seen by the people who go to movies. Book publishing is doing the same thing. They are gearing the industry to sell books to people who don’t other-wise buy books. Something is left out and I’m not sure what it is, but it’s crazy. Still, it is the pond I swim in.

NBM: So what comes next for you?

Westlake: Oh, more.

Donald E. Westlake

Commentary on Good Behavior

I do not have a series character.

There’s this fellow, John Dortmunder, who keeps getting in trouble and looking to me to get him back out again, but that’s no fault of mine. I only actually employed him once, in a story of the frustration attendant on having to steal the same emerald over and over and over, taking Dortmunder on when my first choice for the job, a fellow named Parker, refused it as being beneath his dignify. I have had other seasonal employees, who have done their stint to our mutual satisfaction and sloped off about their own affairs, usually with either a nice girlfriend or a suitcase full of untraceable cash as a farewell bonus, but Dortmunder keeps coming back. I’m not sure anymore who’s employing whom around here.

The problem is, Dortmunder’s difficulties just aren’t appropriate to anyone else I can think of. When a bank temporarily housed in a mobile home needed to be rolled away and robbed at leisure, whom else could I have called on for the job? When it was necessary to model a kidnapping on a published thriller written by Parker’s usual employer, Richard Stark (now, he bad a series character), Dortmunder’s was in fact the only bid. A roundelay of fake and real thefts of real and fake paintings was also Dortmunder’s MO and no other’s, as was the situation in which he’d inadvertently filched a ruby so valuable and so historically important that not only was every man’s hand turned against him but also every woman’s and child’s hand, and most of their feet. In a briefer outing, a cultured gentleman who wished advice from a career criminal in how to retrieve a work of art from an ex-wife just had to be tutored by Dortmunder.

And now it’s happened again. This time, when life took one of those unfortunate little turns, Dortmunder made a deal with some nearby nuns — I’m just telling you what he told me — where they’d keep him out of the clutches of the law if he would go on a sort of quest for them. Once he’d figured out how to make the quest show a potential profit, he rounded up the usual accomplices.

The O. J. Bar & Grill on Amsterdam Avenue on the West Side of Manhattan is where the Dortmunder gang (as in “aft agley”) makes its meets.

Donald E. Westlake

Good Behavior

(Except)

Since 1965, when the Chicago Tribune book critic who reviewed Donald E. Westlake’s novel The Fugitive Pigeon noted that it is so good “what can Donald E. Westlake possibly do for an encore?” his fans have suffered from the anxiety that with each succeeding novel, he must have reached his peak. The excerpt that follows from Good Behavior, Westlake’s new novel scheduled for spring 1986 publication by the Mysterious Press, indicates that he will top himself at least once more, yet, from what we have read, it is so good…

Escaping from a bungled burglary, John Dortmunder falls, literally, into a nunnery, where a vow of silence prevails. A nun helps Dortmunder, and he is obliged to return the favor. The scene that follows takes place at the O. J. Bar & Grill, where Dortmunder presents his plan to solve two problems with one scam.

When Dortmunder walked into the O. J. Bar & Grill on Amsterdam Avenue at ten that night a few of the regulars were draped against the bar discussing the weather or something. “It’s ‘Red star at night, Sailor take fright,’ ” one of them was saying.

“Will you listen to this crap,” a second regular said. “Will you just listen?”

“I listened,” a third regular assured him.

“Who asked you?” the second regular wanted to know.

“It’s a free country,” the third regular told him, “and I listened, and you,” he told the first regular, “are wrong.”

“Well, yes,” the second regular said. “I didn’t know you were gonna be on my side.”

“It’s ‘Red star in the morning,’ ” the third regular said.

“Another idiot,” said the second regular.

The first regular looked dazzled with disbelief at the wrongheadedness all around him. “How does that rhyme?” he demanded. “ ‘Red star in the morning, Sailor take fright’?”

“It isn’t star,” the second regular announced, slapping his palm against the bar. “It’s red sky. All this red star crap, it’s like you’re talking about the Russian army.”

“Well, I’m not talking about the Russian army,” the first regular told him. “It happens I was in the navy. I was on PU boats.”

This stopped all the regulars cold for a second. Then the second regular, treading cautiously, said, “Whose navy?”

Dortmunder, down at the end of the bar, raised a hand and got the attention of Rollo the bartender, who’d been standing there with his heavy arms folded over his dirty apron, a faraway look in his eyes as the regulars’ conversation washed over him. Now, he nodded at Dortmunder and rolled smoothly down the bar to talk to him, planting his feet solidly on the duckboards, while behind him the navy man was saying, “The navy! How many navies are there?”

Rollo put meaty elbows on the bar in front of Dortmunder, leaned forward, and said, “Between you and me, I was in the marines.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“We want a few good men,” Rollo assured him, then straightened up and said, “Your friends didn’t show yet. You want the usual?”

“Yeah.”

“And the other bourbon’s gonna be with you?”

“Right.”

Rollo nodded and went back down the bar to get out a tray and two glasses and a murky bottle with a label reading, “Amsterdam Liquor Store Bourbon. Our Own Brand.” Meantime, a discussion of the world’s navies had started up, with references to Admiral Nelson and Lord Byrd, when, in a pause in the flow of things, a fourth regular, who hadn’t spoken before this, said, “I think, I think, I’m not sure about this, but I think it’s ‘Red ring around the moon, Means rain pretty soon.’ Something like that.”

The second regular, the Russian army man, banged his beer glass on the bar and said, “It’s red sky. You got a ring around the brain, that’s what you got.”

“Easy, boys,” Rollo said. “The war’s over.”

Everybody looked startled at this news. Rollo picked up the tray with the bottle and glasses on it and brought it back to Dortmunder, saying, “And who else is coming?”

“The beer and salt.”

“Oh, yeah, the big spender,” Rollo said, nodding.

“And the vodka and red wine.”

“The monster. I remember him.”

“Most people do,” Dortmunder agreed. He picked up the tray and carried it past the regulars, who were still talking about the weather or something. “The groundhog saw his shadow,” the navy man was saying.

“Right,” the third regular said. “Six weeks ago yesterday, so that was six weeks more winter, so yesterday he come out again, you follow me so far?”

“It’s your story.”

“So it was sunny yesterday,” the third regular said, “so he saw his shadow again, so that’s another six weeks of winter.”

There was a pause while people worked out what they thought about that. Then the fourth regular said, “I still think it’s ‘Red ring around the moon.’ ”

Dortmunder continued on back past the bar and past the two doors marked with dog silhouettes labeled Pointers and Setters and past the phone booth with the string dangling from the quarter slot and through the green door at the back and into a small square room with a concrete floor. None of the walls could be seen, because the room was filled all the way around, floor to ceiling, with beer and liquor cases, leaving only a small bare space in the middle, containing a battered old table with a stained green-felt top and half a dozen chairs. The only illumination was from one bare bulb with a round tin reflector hanging low over the table on a long black wire.

Dortmunder liked being first, because whoever was first got to sit facing the door. He sat there, put the tray to his right, poured some brown stuff into one of the glasses, and was raising it when the door opened and Stan Murch came in, carrying a glass of beer in one hand and a salt shaker in the other. “The damnedest thing,” he said, closing the door behind himself. “I took the road through Prospect Park, you know, on account of the Prospect Expressway construction, and when I came out on Grand Army Plaza they were digging up Flatbush Avenue, if you’ll believe it, so I ran down Union Street to the BQE and here I am.”

“Hiya, Stan,” Dortmunder said. “How you doin’?”

“Turning a dollar,” Stan said, and sat down with his beer and his salt as the door opened again and Tiny Bulcher came in, turning sideways to squeeze through the doorway. Somewhere down inside his left fist was a glass containing something that looked like, but was not, cherry soda. “Some clown out there wants to know was I in the navy,” Tiny said, “so I decked him.” He shut the door and came over and sat facing Dortmunder; Tiny didn’t mind if his back was to the door. “Hello, Dortmunder,” he said.

“Hello, Tiny.”

Tiny looked around, heavy head moving like a wrecker’s ball. “Am I waiting for somebody?”

“Andy Kelp.”

“Am I early, or is he late?”

“Here he is now,” Dortmunder said, as Kelp came in, looking chipper but confused. Dortmunder motioned to him, saying, “Come sit down, Andy.”

“You know what there is out there,” Kelp said, shutting the door. “There’s a guy laying on the bar, had some sort of accident—”

“He asked Tiny a question,” Dortmunder said.

“He got personal with me,” Tiny said.

Kelp looked at Tiny, and his smile flickered like faraway summer lightning. “Whaddaya say, Tiny?”

“I say siddown,” Tiny said, “and let’s get to it.”“Oh, sure.” Coming around the table to sit at Dortmunder’s right and pour himself a glass of Amsterdam Liquor Store Bourbon, Kelp said, “Anyway, the other guys out there are trying to decide, is it a service-connected disability?”

“It’s a brain-connected disability,” Tiny said. “What have you got, Dortmunder?”

“Well,” Dortmunder said, “I have a building.”

Tiny nodded. “And a way in?”

“A way in.”

“And what is in this building?”

“A bank. Forty-one importers and wholesalers of jade and ivory and jewels and other precious items. A dealer in antique silver. Two stamp dealers.”

“ ‘And a partridge in a pear tree,’ ” Kelp finished, grinning happily at everybody.

“Holy Toledo,” Stan Murch said.

Tiny frowned. “Dortmunder,” he said, “in my experience you don’t tell jokes. At least, you don’t tell me jokes.”

“That’s right,” Dortmunder said.

“This isn’t a building you’re talking about,” Tiny said. “This is the big rock candy mountain.”

“And it’s all ours,” Dortmunder said.

“How? You won the lottery?”

Dortmunder shook his head. “I got somebody on the inside,” he said. “I got the specs on every bit of security in the building. I got two great big looseleaf books this thick, all about the building. I got more information than I can use.”

Stan said, “How secure is this information? How sure are you of the inside guy?”

“One hundred percent,” Dortmunder said. “This person does not tell lies.”

“What is it, a disgruntled employee?”

“Not exactly.”

Tiny said, “I would need to talk to this person myself.”

“I definitely plan to arrange that,” Dortmunder told him.

Stan said, “So what’s the idea? We back up a truck, go in, empty everything we can, drive away?”

“No,” Dortmunder said. “In the first place, somebody on the street is gonna notice something like that.”

“There’s always nosy Parkers,” Tiny agreed. “One time, a guy annoyed me and annoyed me, so I made his nose go the other way.”

“In this building,” Dortmunder said, “there are also seventeen mail order places, different kinds of catalogue outfits and like that. I’m checking, I’m looking around, I’m being very careful, and what I want to find is one of these mail order people we can make a deal with.”

Kelp said to Stan and Tiny, “I love this part. This is why John Dortmunder is a genius.”

“You’re interrupting the genius,” Tiny pointed out.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“The deal is,” Dortmunder said, “we’d go into the building on a Saturday night and we wouldn’t leave till Monday morning. We’d take everything we could get and carry it all to the mail order place and put it all in packages and mail it out of the building Monday morning with their regular routine.”

Tiny thoughtfully nodded his head. “So we don’t carry the stuff out,” he said. “We go in clean, we come out clean.”

“That’s right.”

“I just love it,” Kelp said.

Tiny leveled a gaze at Kelp. “Enthusiasm makes me restless,” he said.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“We’ll have to pick and choose,” Dortmunder pointed out. “Even if we had a week, we wouldn’t be able to take everything. And if we took everything, it’d be too much to mail.”

Stan said, “You know, John, all my life I wanted to be along on a caper where there was so much stuff you couldn’t take it all. Just wallow in it, like Aladdin’s Cave. And this is what you’re talking about.”

“This is what I’m talking about,” Dortmunder agreed. “But I’m gonna need help in the setup.”

“Ask me,” Stan said. “I’ll help. I want to see this thing happen.”

“Two things,” Dortmunder told him. “First, the mail order outfit. It ought to be somebody that’s a little bent already, but not so bent the FBI’s got a wiretap.”

“I can ask around,” Stan said. “Discreetly. I know some people here and there.”

”I’ll also ask,” Tiny said. “Some people know me here and there.”

“Good,” Dortmunder said. “The other thing is, a lockman. We need somebody really good, to follow the schematics I got and shut down all the alarms without kicking them on instead.”

Tiny said, “What about that little model-train nut guy from the pitcha switch? Roger Whatever.”

“Chefwick,” Dortmunder said.

“He retired,” Kelp said.

Tiny looked at him. “In our line of work,” he said, “how do you retire?”

“You stop doing what you were doing, and you do something else.”

“So Chefwick stopped being a lockman.”

“Right,” Kelp said. “He went out to California with his wife, and they’re running this Chinese railroad out there.”

“A Chinese railroad,” Tiny said, “in California.”

“Sure,” Kelp said. “It used to run in China somewhere, but this guy bought it, the locomotive and the Chinese cars and even a little railroad station with the roof, you know, like hats that come out?”

”Like hats that come out,” Tiny said.

Like a pagoda,” Kelp said. “Anyway, this guy put down track and made an amusement park and Chefwick’s running the train for him. So now he’s got his own life-size model-train set, so he isn’t being a lockman anymore, so he’s retired. Okay?”

Tiny thought about it. “Okay,” he said, reluctantly.

Stan said, “What about Wally Whistler? I know he’s absentminded and all, but—”

Tiny said, “He’s the guy let the lion out at the zoo, isn’t he?”

“Just fiddling with the lock on the cage,” Stan said. “Absentminded, that’s all.”

“No good,” Kelp said. “Wally’s in Brazil, without any extradition.”

“Without what?” Dortmunder asked.

“In Brazil?” Tiny asked.

“He was helping some people at Customs down in Brooklyn,” Kelp told them. “You know, people that didn’t want to tie up the government with a lot of red tape and forms and stuff, so they were just going to get their imports at night and leave it at that, you know the kind of thing.”

“You said ‘Brazil,’ ” Tiny reminded him.

“Yeah, well, Wally, what Wally’s problem is, he’s just too good at his line of business.” Kelp shook his head. “You show Wally a lock, he just has to caress the thing, and poke at it, and see how it works, and the first thing he knew he went through a door, and then a couple more doors, and like that, and when he tried to go back the ship had sailed.”

“The ship,” Dortmunder said. It didn’t seem to him there’d been a ship in the story up till then.

“That he was on,” Kelp said, “that he didn’t know it. They were just leaving, and one of those doors he went through was into the ship from the warehouse, and it turned out they had some reasons of their own to leave in the middle of the night, so they didn’t want to go back to let him off, so he rode along and now he’s in Brazil without extradition.”

“That was the word,” Dortmunder said. “Explain that.”

“Well, most places in the world,” Kelp explained, “you find yourself broke and you don’t speak the language and all, you go confess to a crime in, like, Duluth or St. Louis or somewhere, and then the governments get together and do a lot of legal paper on you and they extradite you and the government pays your air fare and you get to St. Louis or Duluth or wherever it was, and you say, ‘Oops, my mistake, I didn’t do that after all,’ and you’re home. Only with Brazil, we got no treaty, they won’t extradite, so Wally’s stuck. And he says Brazil is so poor, most places don’t have locks, so he’s going crazy. So he’s trying to get to Uruguay.”

“For the extradition,” Dortmunder guessed.

“You got it.”

Stan said, “How about Herman X?”

Tiny, who had been observing Kelp so carefully that Kelp was beginning to fidget, now swiveled his head around to look at Stan. “Herman what?”

“X,” Stan said.

“Hes a black power radical,” Dortmunder explained, but he’s also a good lockman.”

“He was with us that time we took the bank,” Stan said.

“Now, the problem with Herman,” Kelp started, and everybody turned to look at him. “Don’t blame me,” he said. “I’m just telling you the situation.”

“Tell us the situation,” Tiny suggested.

“Well,” Kelp said, “the problem with Herman is, he’s in Africa.”

Dortmunder said, “Without extradition?”

“No, Herman doesn’t need extradition. He’s vice-president of Talabwo.”

Tiny said, “Is that a country?”

“For now,” Kelp said. “There’s a lot of unrest over there.”

Dortmunder said, “Talabwo. That’s the country wanted the Balabomo Emerald that time.”

“That’s right,” Kelp said. “And you gave Major Iko the paste emerald and he brought it home and when they found out it wasn’t real they ate him, I think. Anyway, there was trouble back and forth, and Herman was with his radical friends at the UN to steal some secret documents that proved the drought was a plot by the white people, and they came on this assassination attempt, and Herman helped the guy they were trying to kill, and it turned out he was the next president of Talabwo, which is why they were trying to put him out that window, so when he got home he invited Herman over as a thank-you, and that’s when Herman found out the vice-president was figuring on a coup, so now Herman’s vice-president, and he says he enjoys it a lot.”

Dortmunder said, “He does, does he?”

“Yeah. Except he isn’t Herman X anymore, now he’s Herman Makanene Stulu’mbnick.”

Tiny said, “I am growing weary.”

“Well, that’s all I know anyway,” Kelp said. He poured himself some more Amsterdam Liquor Store Bourbon.

Tiny said, “J know a guy, for the locks. He’s a little unusual.”

Dortmunder said, “After those stories? Your guy is unusual?”

“At least he’s in New York,” Tiny said. “His name’s Wilbur Howey.”

“I don’t know him,” Dortmunder said.

“He just came out of the slammer,” Tiny said. “I’ll have a word with him.”

“Fine,” Dortmunder said. He hesitated, and cleared his throat.

“Here it comes now,” Tiny said.

Dortmunder gave him an innocent look. “Here comes what, Tiny?”

“The butcher’s thumb,” Tiny said. “You know what I do with the butcher’s thumb?”

“There’s nothing wrong, Tiny,” Dortmunder said. “The deal is exactly as I said it was. Only, there’s just one more little element.”

“One more little element.”

“While we’re in the building,” Dortmunder said, “take no time at all, we go up to the top floor, handle one extra little piece of business. Nothing to it.”

Tiny viewed Dortmunder more in sorrow than in anger. “Tell me about this, Dortmunder,” he said. “What is this extra little piece of business?”

“Well,” Dortmunder said. He knocked back a little Amsterdam Liquor Store Bourbon, coughed, and said, “The fact is, uh, Tiny, while we’re in there anyway, uh, it seems we have to rescue this nun.”

Michael Gilbert

A Pity About the Girl

One of the most respected British crime writers, Michael Gilbert has written more than twenty-five books, as well as plays and an estimated four hundred short stories. Mr. Gilbert, who has been pleasing his readers for forty years, has commented, “What is a writer to do if he is not allowed to entertain?” A founding member of the Crime Writers’ Association, Michael Gilbert is a London solicitor and lives in Kent.

It was seven o’clock of a lovely summer evening when Andrew Siward first saw her. He was sitting on the terrace of the Hotel Dauphin at Cannes, looking across the square of burnt grass and bent orange trees at the deep blue of the Mediterranean. It was the best hour of the day. His second aperitif was on the table in front of him. He was looking forward to a leisurely dinner, not more than two glasses of mare with his coffee, and an early bed.

The work he had come to the South of France to do was finished. It was a moment for sitting back and enjoying the scenery; and beautiful girls were a prominent part of the scenery on the promenade at Cannes.

Not that this particular girl was got up to attract attention. She was wearing a plain white linen dress cut square across the top of her breasts, and showing the sunbrowned skin of arms, shoulders, and throat and, as far as Andrew could judge, nothing else at all. He put her age at nineteen or twenty.

The man who was with her was a figure as typical of that time and place as she was. In his middle fifties, but still alert and fit. Frenchmen of his age seem to grow through middle age more gracefully than the English or American male. Hair so light it was difficult to see whether it was grey or not, cut en brosse, a bush shirt with half-length sleeves which showed brown and muscular arms; on one wrist a gold watch, on a metal strap, and a small gold medallion on a chain around his neck.

Andrew was used to summing people up by their clothes and their belongings. These were clearly residents, not tourists. In spite of the informality of their dress, or perhaps because of it, he sensed a background of wealth and position.

He wondered if the man was her father.

He wondered if they were going to come onto the terrace. After a moment of indecision they climbed the three steps which separated it from the roadway and settled down two tables from him.

They were so close now that it was difficult to examine them, but their reflection in the glass front of the hotel dining room gave him an opportunity to do so without seeming rude.

The girl seemed to him as attractive as anyone he could remember. Maybe a film star? He thought not. She had none of the hardness and sophistication which encased even the youngest actresses like a protective shell. It was a shell which might be invisible at ten yards, but was unmistakable at close quarters.

It was possible that she was the man’s petite amie, but he thought not. There was nothing in their attitude towards each other to suggest such a relationship.

Andrew thought, I wish she was sitting here at the table with me, talking to me, looking at me in that way, or, perhaps, looking at me a little more intimately than that. We could have dinner together, and after dinner we would go up to my room. As he put his hand out to pick up his drink he was shocked to find that desire for a girl he had hardly set eyes on had made it shake. He put the glass down slowly and said, “Take a grip on yourself, Andrew. You’re an old man. Well, middle-aged, anyway. Thirty-five years older than that girl. A whole generation.”

It was a sobering thought, if not a comforting one.

Up to that time his experience of women had been standardised. A few adventures during and after the war, followed by marriage to an attractive and desirable wife. Twenty years of happiness. Then he had noticed that she grew easily tired, and curiously weak. She made nothing of it. She belonged to a stoic generation. A generation that had been brought up to believe that complaining was something only the lower classes did. It was the doctors who had spoken the word “leukemia” to him. He had hardly had time to grasp what it meant before she was gone.

When the numbness had worn off he had taken consolation where he could find it. Not from the professionals who hung around the pavements of Maddox Street and Soho Square but from amateurs, discontented wives, some of them not much younger than he was. A sordid, unsatisfactory series of bargains. Pumped-up lust for the price of a dinner and a theatre. Furtive coupling which left him with nothing but a bad taste in his mouth.

It had taken one look at this young French girl to show him what he had been searching for so hungrily and failing so sadly to find.

At this point common sense took charge. It said to him in the flat, unemotional voice that common sense always uses, “It’s not a young girl that you’re craving for. It’s your own lost youth. And that’s something that no amount of wishing is ever going to bring back. If you can’t grasp this simple fact, you’re stupider even that I took you for.”

At this point he realised something else.

He had been looking at the reflection of the girl in the glass. The man had been looking at him. It was not a look of hostility. Rather one of dawning recognition. Now that he came to consider it there was something in the man that touched a chord of remembrance. The square forehead, the long, straight nose that turned very slightly at the tip giving the face a whimsical look, the set of the chin. And surely he could see — or was his imagination playing tricks? — a zigzag line down the left side of his face, from cheekbone to chin, white against the sunbrowned skin.

None of this had occupied more than a few seconds. The man had made up his mind. He said something to the girl, pushed back his chair, and came across. He was smiling. He said, “I run the risk of having made a stupid mistake, but is it not the young lieutenant?”

“It is,” said Andrew, “and you are the young farmer.”

“Neither of us so young now,” said the man. He spoke in French as though he realised that Andrew would answer him in the same tongue.

“It was a long time ago,” said Andrew.

Nearly forty years. Half a lifetime.

By influence of his father, and by virtue of his excellent French, Andrew had infiltrated the army at an illegally young age. He had celebrated his eighteenth birthday on the ship which took him and the rest of the Armoured Reconnaissance Regiment to Algiers for the Torch landings. Their job had been to find the German army. They had found them in the little farm in the hills above Bou Arada.

It was not a strong or well-organised part of that army. Three panzer-grenadiers on a foraging expedition for eggs and wine. The farmer and his seventeen-year-old son had been foolish enough to refuse them and to add some uncomplimentary comments on the German character. The old man had been knocked unconscious. The youngster had been tied to a chair and one of the men was busy with a knife teaching him good manners. He was carving the symbol of his regiment, a lightning flash, on the left-hand side of his face.

They were so preoccupied with what they were doing that they had not heard the armoured car stop in the lane at the far end of the farm. Andrew, standing outside the open window, had drawn the army revolver which he had never used before, and shot one of the Germans in the foot. That was the end of the battle. The three soldiers had surrendered to superior force, and had been taken away. Andrew and his section had been billeted at the farm for a week, and had become friends with the craggy M. Rocaire and his young son Louis. Then the battle had moved on. He had often meant to go back, but had had no chance to do so until after the war, when he was on holiday in Algiers and had driven out to the farm. The Rocaire family was no longer there. Like many French settlers, they had seen the writing on the wall and returned to their own country.

“This is most evidently the hand of fate,” said Louis Rocaire. “That out of a thousand tables in Cannes we should have chosen this one. One must never contest the decrees of Providence. You are here yet for some days?”

“My business is finished, and it had been in my mind to spend a little time exploring the countryside.”

“Then you have a car here? Not an armoured car this time.”

“No. A faithful old Humber.”

“A most distinguished vehicle. You will drive out in it, if not tonight then tomorrow morning and will consider yourself our guest for the rest of your visit. I am forgetting myself. I have not introduced my daughter. Marie-Claude. This is the young lieutenant.”

“The man who shot the German in the foot,” said Marie-Claude. “You are a figure of mystical importance in the history of the Rocaire family. I am delighted to meet you in the flesh.”

“No more delighted than I am,” said Andrew.

“Then all that remains is to give you directions. Our house is in the hills, in the valley of the Loup. You have a map with you. Excellent. An officer of the Reconnaissance Corps, my love, never travels without a map. I will mark the place. So. It is a little isolated but not difficult to find.”

“I can’t impose on you for more than a day.”

“It will not be an imposition, I assure you. It will be a pleasure. We see very little company, Marie-Claude and I. We will drink the wine we make ourselves, and will fight old battles. My little girl will be bored, but for her father’s sake she will pretend not to be.”

Marie-Claude said, quite seriously, “You must stay longer than one day, or we will think you do not like us.”

“That would never do,” agreed Andrew. He hoped he did not sound as breathless as he felt.

When, on the following morning, he drove his fifteen-year-old Humber up into the hills, following the course of the Wolf River, he wondered what sort of place he would find. He had pictured something between an old Provençal stone house and a converted farm. As he turned the final comer in the long, winding approach road he dismissed both ideas. This was a very considerable residence. Newly built, on a platform cut into one side of the hill, there was a solidity about it that spoke of money and taste. A solemn dark-haired boy opened the door for him, and took charge of his luggage. A second one led the way to his room. Andrew guessed that they were brothers and might be Corsicans, and this was confirmed by the slurred consonants when the second boy spoke: Mamzelle and her father, he said, were by the pool. He would inform them of monsieur’s arrival.

It was the start of a five-day fantasy. Andrew had forgotten that such a life could still be lived. The house staff could not have been less than five, and there was a chauffeur, and a gardener as well. The food and the wine would not have disgraced a three-star hotel. His clothes were washed and ironed daily, and his original intention of staying for a day and a night was neatly thwarted when both his suits were removed and sent down to Cannes for cleaning and pressing.

By day there was riding with Marie-Claude and tennis against her father, who turned out to be a formidable player. All three of them swam in the pool, a cunning piece of engineering, fed by a stream coming in at one end and overflowing into a waterfall at the other. In the evenings, after dinner, they sat on the terrace, the bullfrogs competing with the cicadas, and talked about every thing and everybody except themselves.

Only once did Louis touch on their own circumstances. He said, “You may have noticed that one or other of my boys makes a circuit of our property every evening. They are both armed. It is a necessary precaution. In this part of France we are still fighting a war that most people have forgotten.”

Andrew said, “I noticed OAS signs on some of the houses. I did wonder.”

“The OAS against the SAC — the Service d’Action Civique. De Gaulle’s spies and butchers. There are many of us Pieds Noirs in this area. We have not forgotten. And the SAC has not forgotten. Recently, not many miles from here, a police officer and all of his family were butchered one night.”

This was said when they were sitting by themselves. The arrival of Marie-Claude had switched the conversation to more suitable topics.

It was on the fourth night, when Andrew had at last convinced his host that he must leave, that the suggestion was made.

Louis said, “You will be proceeding by car to one of the Channel ports?”

“To Dieppe.”

“Which will take you how long?”

“I am not one of your racing drivers. I shall spend at least one night en route. Possibly a second one outside Dieppe, where I have friends.”

“Then may I entrust my little girl to you?” Before Andrew could take in all the implications of this, he added, “She goes to visit an old friend in England. They were at school in Switzerland together. Normally she would go by brain, but in present circumstances I should be much happier—”

The length of this explanation had enabled Andrew to get his breath back. He said, “I should be delighted to be of service to you. It would be a very small return for the hospitality you have shown me.”

It had been a day of blue skies and hot sun. Andrew had driven steadily, but not fast. The roads had been bad to start with, but after Valence they had improved and as evening was closing in they were in the wooded, hilly country of the Puy-de-Dôme. Marie-Claude, who had been turning the pages of the Michelin guide, had found what sounded like a promising hotel above Châtelguyon in the Vallée de Sans Souci. It was classified as quiet, and possessing a jardin fleuri.

“That sounds fine,” said Andrew, “as long as they’re not all booked up.”

There were half a dozen cars in the courtyard outside the hotel. Andrew said, “Wait whilst I enquire.” He came back to say that they were in luck. There were just two rooms left.

“Lucky indeed,” said Marie-Claude gravely. She had got out of the car and had a holdall in one hand. As she stooped to pick up her suitcase Andrew said, “Let me,” took a suitcase in either hand, and followed her into the hotel.

The bedrooms were on the first floor, at the back. Looking out of his window, Andrew could see the flowered garden, and, beyond it, a wild stretch of wooded country now fading into the dusk of a late summer evening. There were lights away in the distance towards the southeast. Riom, he guessed. A helicopter buzzed overhead like an angry bumblebee. Andrew went downstairs thoughtfully. Marie-Claude was in the dining room when he got there. She was dressed as she had been when he saw her first, in her simple white dress. Andrew was conscious that every person in the room had observed, analysed, and recorded her, and that every man in the room was envying him.

Marie-Claude was unusually silent at dinner, and when she had finished her coffee, said, “I am tired. I will go up now.”

Andrew sat over a second cup of coffee, then over a glass of brandy. He knew that if he went up, he would not be able to go to bed and go to sleep. He would be too conscious of the fact that only an intervening door was separating him from a girl he desired more than anything he had ever desired in his whole life.

No doubt the door would be locked.

Doubly locked, in fact, by the trust that Louis Rocaire had placed in him.

“I entrust my little girl to you.”

He was vaguely aware that other people were arriving at the hotel, and thought that they would be unlucky since he and Marie-Claude had secured the last two rooms.

Possibly they had merely called in for dinner, though it was now nearly eleven. He heard voices in the hall, but no one came into the dining room. Ten minutes later he was sitting on the end of his bed. He had taken off his coat, but had made no further move to undress. The window was wide open and he could see the moon riding high over the dark woods, and could hear the owls talking to each other.

Then he heard another sound, closer at hand.

It came from Marie-Claude’s room, and was unmistakable. She was crying.

He walked across and tried the door gently. It opened under his hand. The girl had not undressed either. She was sitting on the edge of the bed. He strode across, put an arm round her shoulders, and said, “What is it, Marie-Claude, what’s wrong?”

Marie-Claude said, with a gap between each word, “I — am — so — frightened.”

At two o’clock that afternoon a car had drawn up at the entrance of the Rocaire house. Two men had gotten out. The driver and another man stayed in the car. It was clear that they were expected. One of the Corsican boys had led them to the business room where Louis was waiting for them, standing.

They shook hands briefly, and without any warmth. The spokesman of the two new arrivals was a thin man, with white hair and a brown face seamed with wrinkles, like the sand when the tide has ebbed. His companion was dark-haired, younger and thicker. He stood a pace behind the other as though to emphasise that he was a subordinate, though no one looking at his heavy, composed face would have doubted that he was a formidable man in his own right.

They all sat down. The white-haired man said, “We discovered, only this morning, and quite by chance, that you were entertaining an Englishman named Siward.”

“Andrew Siward. That is correct.”

“And he has been staying with you for the last five days.”

“That is also correct.”

“Would it be impertinent to enquire the reason for your hospitality?”

Louis considered the question. Then he said, “Yes. It would be impertinent. But since you evidently feel it to be important I will answer it. He turned out to be a very old friend of army days. Also, it occurred to me that his arrival might be providential.”

“In what way?”

Louis again considered before answering. Then he said, “I had certain plans, in which it seemed to me that he might be able to assist me. It has not, in the past, been my custom to discuss details of my plans with you. I have considered our functions as separate. You are the suppliers. I organise the onward transport and the distribution. Is there some particular reason why we should depart from this arrangement? It has worked very well in the past.”

“The reason,” said the white-haired man, “is that Major Siward — he does not now use his military title, I believe — is an official of the British Narcotics Control Section. A senior inspector in that organisation. He works directly under Colonel Foxwell, who is head of the French liaison branch, with headquarters in Paris. Naturally Siward was followed from the moment he arrived. It seemed to be a routine visit. He called at a number of offices of the Police Judiciare and the Douane along the coast. Six days ago, when he paid his bill and drove off, we assumed that he was on his way back to Paris or London. Apparently we were wrong. I think you will agree that in the circumstances we should be told exactly what use you were planning to make of Major Siward’s services.”

There was a long silence, broken by the white-haired man, who said, “If a mistake has been made, we have not much time to rectify it.”

“But how?” said Andrew. “And why?”

“You carried my suitcase into the hotel this evening. Because I had a holdall and a smaller bag.”

Andrew thought about it, and said, “Naturally.”

“Then, naturally, when we arrive at Newhaven, you would carry it through the Customs.”

“Of course.”

“Open it and take a look inside. It’s not locked.”

The suitcase was on the second bed. Andrew opened it and stood for a long moment staring down. Then he said, gently, “Well, you do surprise me.”

The suitcase was full of what certainly looked like his own clothes. He picked out the jacket of a tweed suit. It carried the label of his tailor.

“It will fit you too,” said Marie-Claude. “That was why they took away your suit on the first day you were with us.”

“Quick work, all the same.”

“They are very quick. And very clever.”

“And the stuff is in a hidden compartment underneath?”

“At the sides.” She put a hand inside the case, feeling for the retaining catch, and drew out, one after the other, four flat cellophane envelopes.

Andrew held them for a moment in his hand, as though estimating their weight, and said, “Two million francs. A valuable cargo. What did you intend to do with it?”

“It was all arranged, through my school friend and her father. He has connections with the law officers. I was to hand this over, and to give them the names of our contacts in England. The ones who were waiting for this consignment. In return they promised to look after me. Money and papers. A new name and a new life in America. And, at last, freedom from all this.”

“And now?”

“And now it is too late. They must have discovered my plans. They are here already. They would have had no difficulty in tracing your car. They have friends everywhere. You saw the helicopter which watched us as we approached. You heard them arrive at the hotel.”

“I don’t think they found out about you,” said Andrew slowly. “I think it is much simpler. I think, at the last moment, they must have found out about me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Explanations later. What we need now is two minutes on a clear telephone. Not here. The hotel exchange will already be controlled. Somewhere, anywhere outside. Put on a coat.” As he spoke he was pushing the packets down inside his shirt.

“We shall never get away from here.”

“And a pair of shoes. Sandals would be best. We shall have to move quietly.”

“How?”

“Fortunately there is an outhouse roof underneath my window. We shall have to drop onto it, hoping we break no tiles, and slide down it, making as little noise as possible. Then out through the garden, and into the countryside. It would be too risky to try to take the car. It has probably been immobilised. Are you ready?”

Five minutes later they were making their way through the garden among the rose beds. There was a low fence at the bottom to negotiate, and they were in a field. The second crop of hay had been cut, and was lying in swatches.

“It is beautiful,” said Marie-Claude. Her voice had no longer the heavy undertones of defeat. It was singing with the excitement of the night. “I could go on forever.”

“A mile should be enough,” said Andrew practically. “We will lie up until first light. Then find a farm with a telephone. We can have enough of our own men here in an hour to deal with all your father’s hired bullies.”

They circled the wood ahead of them. At the far side Andrew went down on his knees, scraped a hole between the roots of a massive oak tree, and buried the four envelopes, covering them with leaves. Then they crossed two more fields, waded across a shallow stream, and climbed the slope ahead of them. This time it was stubble, but easy going. At the top was a barn. The door was immovable, evidently barred on the inside, but they found an opening at the back, and wriggled through into the sweet-smelling darkness. Then they climbed on top of the hay, which was piled, not baled, and Andrew took off his jacket and rolled it up for a pillow. They lay down together. He thought, All men wish for their youth back again, and not one man in a thousand is granted his wash. You are lucky. You are the thousandth man. He made love to the girl in the simple way that the situation demanded, and then they both slept, pressed up against each other in the warm hay.

He slept longer than he intended. When he woke, he cl imbed off the stack, unbolted the door of the barn and looked out. He came back quickly to Marie-Claude, who was blinking the sleep out of her eyes.

He said, “We are in trouble. Bad trouble. I underestimated them. We should have gone further and faster. There are six men at least in sight. Four of them are beating up the hill towards us. The other two are at the top. There may be more of them.”

Marie-Claude stared at him and said nothing.

“Listen to me, and please listen carefully. We have only one chance. It is not a very good one, but it is better than no chance at all. When the men get close to the barn, you will scream, and run towards them. I do not think you are in any danger. It is me they are after, not you. You will be hysterical. Your story, when you are able to tell it, is that I abducted you by force. They will look after you, but you will not be a prisoner. So you should have an opportunity, sooner or later, of getting to a telephone. Sooner, I hope.” He gave a crooked smile.

Marie-Claude said, “I understand.”

“Remember this number. It is a Paris number.” He spoke it slowly, and she repeated it after him.

“All you have to do is to ask for Colonel Foxwell. He won’t come to the telephone himself. But the fact that you know his name and this particular number will vouch you to them. Tell them where you are telephoning from. The number will be sufficient. Say, very serious. That’s all.”

Marie-Claude nodded. He could see her lips move as she repeated the name and the number to herself.

“One more thing.” He felt in his jacket pocket and took out a small black pistol. It was a nine-millimetre Mauser automatic. “You had better have this. It is no use to me, since they will search me and find it. In certain circumstances it might be useful to you.”

He looked through the opening in the door. Two of the men were quite close to the barn. Two others were behind them, well spread out and covering them. They moved like trained soldiers.

Andrew kissed Marie-Claude gently, and said, “Run. And scream.”

The men were not gentle with him. They knocked him to the ground and one of them stood on his ankles whilst the other searched him. His arms were twisted behind his back and handcuffed. He was frog-marched across the field, and bundled into the car which was in the lane at the top of the field. Being unable to protect himself in any way, his head made contact with the door handle of the car, and the blood started to run down his face. Through all of this he saw nothing of Marie-Claude, and hoped she was safe.

About half a mile down the lane the car turned off into the courtyard of a prosperous-looking farm. The place had been taken over. There were half a dozen cars parked outside the door, and no sign of the farmer or his family. Andrew was dragged out by his hair, pushed into the front room of the farm, and thrown into an old armchair. The blood had run into his eyes and he wiped it away by rubbing his face on the arm of the chair.

The man who seemed to be in charge was the younger of the two who had visited Louis Rocaire on the previous afternoon. He said, “You are in trouble, Mr. Siward. In bad trouble. There is only one way in which you can help yourself. That is by handing back the property which you stole from us last night.”

Andrew said nothing. He was shaking his head to try and clear it.

“You could be heroic. I hope not. We should start by removing your left eye.”

“I have not the least intention of being heroic. You can certainly have back the packages of which I took temporary charge last night. There is only one difficulty. When one buries something in a wood at night, one can find it again. But it is not possible to explain to someone else where to find it.”

The dark-haired man considered the point. Then he nodded his head towards the two men who had brought Andrew in. Andrew had already begun to think of them as Laurel and Hardy. One was thin and serious, the other was a stout, jolly Marseillais who might have been a sailor.

“Go with him. If he seems to be wasting time, you can do what you like — to encourage him to move more quickly.”

By finding the wrong tree twice Andrew managed to waste a certain amount of time. The second mistake cost him two inches of knife blade in the flesh of his left arm. In less than an hour’s time the three of them were back in the farmhouse. Blood from the wound in his arm had soaked Andrew’s sleeve and was dripping steadily onto the floor. He felt sick and dizzy and guessed, from the look on the dark-haired man s face, that he had not long to live.

“Just those four packets,” said Laurel.

“Some encouragement was necessary,” said Hardy.

Andrew had no eyes for them. Marie-Claude was there. He could read nothing from the expression on her face, but he thought she nodded fractionally.

Maybe it was his eyes playing tricks.

“I think,” said the black-haired man, “that we might finish—”

He broke off what he was saying as there was a squeal of tyres, and a car, driven fast, swung into the courtyard and braked. There was interest but no alarm shown by the three men in the room. Some signal must have passed. This was reinforcements, not enemies.

When the door opened and Louis Rocaire came in Andrew felt unsurprised. Louis walked over, and put an arm round his daughter.

“She is safe,” said the black-haired man. “Everything is now in order. As I was saying, I think we might finish up our business and restore this house to its owners. It is a pity about the blood. Maybe we should buy him a new carpet.”

Marie-Claude had disengaged herself from her father. She was fumbling in her handbag. Andrew knew what was going to happen, and cringed.

He said, “Please don’t do it. One against three. It is hopeless.” This was in a whisper, to himself. If some sort of diversion could be arranged—

The diversion arranged itself. The inner door of the room burst open and a man who must have been posted as a lookout on the far side of the house came in.

He said, speaking so hoarsely in his excitement that the sense of his words could hardly be made out, “Army helicopters — and police in cars.”

Marie-Claude’s hand came out, holding the small gun. She took careful aim at the black-haired man. Andrew thought that she meant to hold him up until the police arrived. Instead she pulled the trigger.

The shot hit the black-haired man in the middle of the face. Before he had dropped, the sailor had shot Marie-Claude.

After these two shots there was a full five seconds of stunned immobility. Then Louis put his hand inside his coat and drew the heavy police special.388 automatic from its shoulder holster, and started to shoot. It was a gun intended to immobilise and to kill.

His first shot slammed the sailor against the wall. The second missed the thin man who had twisted and drawn his own gun. Before he could use it, Louis’s third shot tore off his right arm. It was the lookout, standing in the open doorway, who shot Louis before taking to his heels.

Andrew was flat on his face behind the sofa.

“A clean sweep,” said Colonel Foxwell. It was three days later. He and Andrew were alone in the headquarters office of the Anglo-French Narcotics Liaison Section in Paris. “Excellent.”

“Excellent” was his highest commendation for any operation.

He added, “A pity about the girl.”

Clark Howard

Breaking Even

In thirty years as a writer, Clark Howard has published twelve novels, four nonfiction books about crime, and 232 stories. He won an Edgar Allan Poe Award of the Mystery Writers of America for his New Orleans Dixieland story, “Horn Man ” in 1982 and has been nominated for five other Edgars.

Dewey Taylor arrived in New Rome, Alabama, just before noon on the last day of the Jack Strawn murder trial. He drove to New Rome’s only motel, the Overnighter (Color TV, Room Phones, Free Ice), and checked into the room that Grover, the city editor, had reserved by phone from Birmingham that morning. When he got his key, he also picked up a message to call Fred Simply, the paper’s New Rome stringer, who had been covering the trial during the two weeks since it started. In his room, with a plastic bucket of free ice to go with the bottle of Gordon’s gin in his garment bag, he called the stringer.

“Is your name really ‘Simply?” he asked. “Or did you make it up?”

“Uh, no, sir, it’s really ‘Simply,’ ” Simply said. “Uh, why, sir?”

“Just curious,” Taylor said vaguely. “Okay, what’s the line on the Strawn trial?”

“Jury’s still out,” the stringer said. “We’re waiting to see if they reach a verdict before lunch.”

“They won’t,” Dewey Taylor assured him.

“Uh, why not?”

“Because the lunch is free. They’ll reach a verdict after lunch.”

“Oh.”

“Now, listen, Simply, I have some important work to do here in my room. I want you to stay there at the courthouse and call me the minute the jury is ready with a verdict. Got that?”

“Uh, yessir, Mr. Taylor. Will do.”

Dewey hung up, shaking his head. Will do. Roger. V-for-Victory. Over and out. He grunted softly and rubbed a stiff place in his forty-year-old back. Youth, he thought. Always such confidence. Fred Simply wouldn’t be so eager in fifteen or twenty years, after he’d slipped down the ladder a few times.

Dewey took a long swallow of Gordon’s over ice, and stretched out on the bed to take a nap.

Twenty minutes after they got back from lunch, the Strawn jury sent word to the judge that they had reached a verdict. Fred Simply called Dewey and the reporter got over to the courthouse just as the bailiff was bringing the panel back into the courtroom.

“Good work, Simply,” Dewey said, slapping the stringer on the back. He had learned long ago to always slap stringers on the back. And wink at them confidentially. It made them feel like one of the boys. A real reporter. Fred “Scoop” Simply.

“Uh, Mr. Taylor, the assistant city editor said I should talk to you about getting a byline for myself. So far, all they’ve tagged my stories with is ‘From the Herald’s New Rome Correspondent.’ The assistant city editor said that since it’s your story, the byline credit is up to you.”

“Later, Simply,” said Taylor. “Right now I’ve got to study the faces of the jurors. You know, for color and human interest.” Dewey turned to the jury with feigned interest.

There were seven women and five men on the panel. Three of the men looked like farmers who were worrying more about their untended fields than whether to send Jack Strawn to Alabama’s electric chair. Most of the women looked like housewives, except for two who might have been employed at the local Levi Strauss factory, and whose glum expressions stated that they were acutely aware of the difference between the four dollars per hour they earned on the stitching line, and the six dollars per day the county paid them for jury duty. Dewey had been covering murder trials for fifteen years; he never failed to wonder how much personal economics had to do with sending people to the electric chair or the gas chamber.

Looking over at the defendant, Dewey saw that Jack Strawn had not changed much in the ten years since Dewey had last seen him. He was still broad-shouldered, trim-waisted, had a head full of thick, curly hair, obviously still the macho man he had always been. And apparently had the same temper, too, Dewey thought, seeing as how he was charged with murdering his employer with an ice pick.

The sounding of the judge’s gavel interrupted Dewey’s thoughts. “The clerk will read the jury’s verdict,” the judge instructed.

The clerk faced Jack Strawn and read, “We, the jury, find the defendant, Jack James Strawn, guilty of murder. We further find that it is murder in the first degree, and we fix his punishment at death.”

At the defense table, Strawn turned pale, shook his head in disbelief, and buried his face in his hands. From the front row of the spectator section, Dewey stared at him, thinking, You used that ice pick once too often, didn’t you, macho man?

Dewey’s thoughts went back to a decade earlier when he had covered another murder trial in which Jack Strawn had been the defendant. That trial, in Birmingham, had been for the ice pick murder of Strawn’s young wife. The prosecution had not been able to find the murder weapon, and there had been just enough reasonable doubt to allow Strawn to go free.

Dewey grunted softly to himself. The prosecution in the murder case just concluded had not found that murder weapon either, but apparently it had not hindered this jury in deciding that Jack Strawn was guilty.

“Let’s go, Simply,” said Dewey. “I’ll call in the preliminary story for the evening final while you type up about a thousand words for tomorrow’s sunrise edition. Then you can buy my supper on your expense account.”

“Uh, the assistant city editor doesn’t allow me to put meals on my expense account. Just gas and phone calls.”

“Well, that’s got to change,” Dewey said darkly. “You pay the supper tab tonight and I’ll use it as a test case to get that restriction lifted.”

“Uh, sure, if you say so, Mr. Taylor.”

“You’ve got a good attitude, Simply,” Dewey said, slapping him on the back.

When they were going down the courthouse steps, Jack Strawn’s lawyer hurried to catch them. “Are you Dewey Taylor of the Birmingham Herald?” he asked. Dewey said he was. “Jack Strawn wants to see you before they take him upstate to Death Row.”

“That so? What for?” Dewey asked.

The lawyer shrugged. “He wouldn’t say. Just that it might be well worth your while to come talk to him.”

After the lawyer left, Dewey thought about it for a moment, then draped an arm around Fred Simply’s shoulders. “You call in the prelim story for me, Simply. Tell the city editor—”

“I’m only allowed to talk to the assistant city editor,” Simply interjected.

“All right then, tell the assistant city editor that I’m trying to get an exclusive interview with the condemned man. Trying, Simply. Don’t tell him anything else, got me?”

“Uh, sure, Mr. Taylor.”

Dewey gave him a wink. “Good man. Reporters have to stick together; always remember that, Simply.” As he walked away, Dewey looked over his shoulder and added, “Pick someplace expensive for supper tonight. We’re going to make a real issue of this expense-account thing.”

A few minutes later, Dewey faced Jack Strawn through two layers of Plexiglas with a wire-mesh grille between them. They talked on telephone handsets.

“I’m Dewey Taylor of the Herald,” the reporter said. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Strawn said. His eyes flicked nervously. “You think these phones might be bugged?”

“These hicks down here aren’t smart enough to bug phones,” Dewey assured him. “Come on, what do you want?”

“I want to confess to a murder,” Strawn said. He waited for some kind of reaction from Dewey. When he got none, he continued, “I remembered you from ten years ago, when I was on trial for killing my wife. You impressed me as a pretty fair guy. When I was acquitted, you didn’t write about it like it was some great miscarriage of justice or something.”

“Okay, I’m a prince of a fellow. Get to the point.”

“So I want to give you a story. I want to confess to a murder.”

“Which murder?”

“My wife. The one I was acquitted of. I did it.”

“Most people thought you did. Why confess to it now?”

Strawn leaned forward urgently. “Because I am not guilty of this one. I didn’t do it.”

Dewey’s expression did not change. Strawn swallowed tightly.

“Listen, man, you’ve got to believe me. I am innocent Somewhere in this lousy little town, there’s a real murderer.”

“You’re a real murderer yourself, Strawn. You just admitted it.”

“Yeah, but I’m not the murderer in this case, man.”

“Maybe you’re not. But why tell me about it? It’s just another variation of the condemned-man-screaming-innocence story. They’re a dime a dozen, Strawn.”

“Yeah, but what if you could prove it? What if you could catch the right murderer?”

Dewey pursed his lips. Now that might be something. That might be Pulitzer-prize material. That might be, at long last, his ticket off the goddamned Birmingham Herald and onto one of the big dailies: a Miami sheet, maybe even D.C., or — dare he even think it? — New York itself. Back to the big time. After all these years.

“What makes you think I could catch the real murderer, assuming I believed there was such a person?”

“Because I think I know who it is?”

“Who?”

“The victim’s wife. Leonora Trane.”

Dewey weighed it in his mind for a moment and decided it had possibilities. “All right, give me the whole story,” he said.

Strawn sat back, visibly relieved. If nothing else, at least someone was going to listen to him.

“I moved to New Rome from Birmingham two years ago and got a job on the Trane estate as a gardener. George Trane himself hired me. He liked his lawn and flower beds and shrubbery to look manicured at all times. When I showed him what I could do, he was very pleased. I am a good landscape gardener, you know? I have a real feeling for the work. Trane and I hit it off real good because he was so proud of the grounds and the work I did for him. Hell, he used to give me a bonus every time I turned around—”

“All right, you’ve got a green thumb,” Dewey said impatiently. “Get to the important stuff.”

“Yeah, okay.” Strawn stared off into space for a moment, then said quietly, “It wasn’t long before Leonora Trane and I noticed each other. She was one of those good-looking wealthy women who’s left alone too much of the time. The Tranes didn’t have any kids, and Trane himself always seemed to be working late or going on business trips; the only time he was really around the place was on weekends, and then he paid more attention to the grounds and the landscaping than he did to his wife. After a while, Leonora came to rely more and more on me for companionship; I was with her more than her husband was. Eventually, we started an affair.”

“Was she in love with you?” Dewey asked.

“Yeah. She started talking about leaving Trane; she wanted us to run away together.”

“How’d you feel about that?”

“I wanted her to divorce him first,” Strawn told him candidly. “Hell, why just run off and leave all that alimony behind?”

“Real sentimental, aren’t you.” It wasn’t really a question.

Strawn shrugged. “Just practical.”

“What makes you think she killed her husband?”

“It just figures, man. There was nobody else in the picture. She must have figured that if she sued for divorce, he would countersue, maybe name me, and then she’d get nothing. If she got nothing, she wouldn’t get me either, because I wasn’t about to run off with her unless she had some dough.”

Dewey changed the subject from motive to method. If she did kill Trane, why would she use an ice pick? If she s so crazy about you, why choose a weapon that’s going to make you the instant prime suspect?”

“Leonora didn’t know about my first trial,” Strawn pointed out. “Nobody around here did. Even the local cops didn’t know until they ran my name through the state criminal-records computer. Hell, I wasn’t even arrested until two days after the body was found.”

Dewey mentally reviewed what he knew of the case from earlier stories that Fred Simply had sent in. “His wife testified that she found the body, didn’t she?”

“Yeah. Leonora said he hadn’t come home all night, that she had spent the evening alone in her bedroom, reading. She said the next morning when she got up, she called the cook to serve her breakfast on the east veranda. That was her favorite side of the house; I had ringed the whole patio with yellow roses, which were also her favorite. Anyway, she testified that she was having breakfast, looking across the east grounds of the estate, when she noticed a lot of activity among some blackbirds down where the boundary hedge separates the property from the road. She was curious, she said, so she walked across the lawn to see what the birds were so excited about. She claims she found her husband’s body just beyond the hedge, in a gully at the side of the road.”

“And you think she’s lying?”

Strawn shook his head. “I didn’t say she was lying. It’s probably all true. Except that she knew she’d find him there — because she left him there.”

“How would she have done it, do you think?” Dewey asked.

Strawn shrugged again. “Like I said, Trane was a real nut about the estate’s grounds. He used to walk around admiring the flower beds, the hedges, the lawn. Maybe he did come home that evening; maybe that much of Leonora’s story was a lie. Maybe he came home, and while it was still daylight he decided to walk around the grounds. Maybe that’s where he was when Leonora got him with the ice pick.”

“Wouldn’t the servants have seen him?”

“Not necessarily. There was only a housekeeper and a cook; they’re usually busy with their work.”

Dewey had been holding a question in the back of his mind, waiting for a good time to spring it. He decided now was the time. “Speaking of ice picks, the one you used to kill your wife was never found. What’d you do with it?”

“I put it in the foot of an old hunting boot,” Strawn admitted without hesitation. “Then I laced a brick in the uppers of both boots, tied them together, and dropped them in the Tarrant River in Birmingham. In the deepest part.”

“Now the same kind of weapon is missing in the Trane killing.” Dewey shook his head. “I don’t know, Strawn. It’s just too pat to be coincidence.”

“But it has to be coincidence!” the condemned man said desperately. “I’m innocent! I — didn’t — do — it!”

“All right, maybe you didn’t,” Dewey conceded. “But so what? Do you expect Leonora Trane to admit that she did? Or are you suggesting that I go out to the estate and beat a confession out of her?”

“I want you to investigate what I’ve told you,” Strawn said, suddenly calm again. “Everybody down here was so goddamned sure that the killer had to be me, nobody did any looking anywhere else. Maybe if you talk to Leonora, you can trick her into telling you where the goddamned ice pick is. Maybe if you look at the police report and the autopsy report and whatever the hell else you can get your hands on, something might point to her or to someone else. You can at least try, Taylor — to keep an innocent man from going to the chair.”

Dewey Taylor pushed his chair back and stood up. “I’ll do what I can, Strawn,” he said evenly. “But not for the reason you just gave. Because you and I both know you’re not an innocent man. You haven’t been for ten years.”

On his way out of the courthouse, Dewey stopped in at the county coroners office. “Dewey Taylor of the Birmingham Herald,” he told the clerk on duty. “I’d like to get a copy of the autopsy findings on George Trane.”

The report was a matter of public record; Dewey had his copy in ten minutes. He walked back to his motel room, ignored three messages from Fred Simply, and stretched out on the bed with another Gordon’s over free ice to read the report.

George Trane, according to the state medical examiner who had come down from Montgomery to do the autopsy, had died from a single puncture wound in the right ventricle. The wound was approximately three inches deep and one-sixteenth of an inch in diameter, indicating that it had been made by an ice pick or similar instrument. There was no other damage to the body except a small bruise on the right temple which may or may not have been sustained prior to death. The victim was described as an adult male of fifty-six years, five feet eleven in height, 155 in weight, minus his appendix and gall bladder but with all other organs intact. A minor benign tumor, of which he was not even aware, was found on his prostate gland. The stomach contained no undigested food.

Routine report, Dewey thought. He flipped to the last page to see if a crime lab analysis had been made. It had, and appeared to be just as routine as the autopsy. At death, the victim had been wearing a summer-weight tan business suit, tan shirt, brown-and-yellow-striped necktie, brown leather belt, white undershirt, white briefs, tan over-the-calf socks, and brown leather loafers. The suit coat, shirt, and undershirt bore common puncture holes similar in size to the death wound. They, as well as the belt, trousers, and briefs, were saturated with an estimated three and one-quarter pints of discharged blood. Examination of the outer apparel produced nine separate minute samples of lint and one of thread. The victim’s trouser and coat pockets had been vacuumed and found to contain specimens of lint, fuzz, paper waste, tobacco shreds, and minute quantities of dirt. The soles of the victim’s shoes were scraped and the resultant residue analyzed as common street and ground dirt with no unique qualities. Scrapings from the victim’s fingernails produced ultra-minute particles of dirt, traces of hair oil, some slight rubber cement residue, a particle of dried table mustard, and several minuscule grains of sugar.

Real exciting, Dewey thought. He put the report aside and sipped his drink, staring at nothing. It would be so easy, he thought, to just file the story straight and forget the whole thing. Strawn was a desperate man; he’d say anything to anybody if there was even a remote chance that it would help him. And yet — there was something about him, something about his eyes, his voice, the way he begged for help, that had caught hold of Dewey Taylor and would not let go.

Dewey downed the rest of his drink and telephoned his stringer. “Simply? Taylor here. Meet me at the local library in thirty minutes.”

Hanging up, he grabbed his coat and left. He remembered passing the county library on his way to and from the courthouse, and he walked there now. It was only two blocks away, a neat, white-columned little building setting back off the street in its own little tree-lined park. Inside, it looked and smelled like every library Dewey had ever been in: neat, quiet, but somehow musty and not quite in sync with the world outside its walls. There was a plain woman behind the counter. She was in her late thirties and looked as if she belonged right there.

“Do you keep back issues of the Birmingham papers?” Dewey asked.

“Yes, we do.” Her voice was lower than Dewey expected, almost throaty. The sound of it seemed to change her appearance, making her not so plain after all. “Which date are you interested in?” she asked. Dewey told her and she nodded briefly. “Everything over two years old is on microfilm. If you’ll come this way, I’ll show you.”

She led him down to a basement room that contained a microfilm reader and several film cabinets. From one of the cabinets she took a numbered reel of film.

“Do you know how to thread a microfilm reader?” she asked.

“No,” Dewey lied. He had done it a hundred times. But he suddenly had an urge to watch her do it. He studied her fingers as they expertly inserted the reel and threaded the film into the viewer. His eyes moved up her bare arms to her shoulders, her neck, her ears. She had light, downy hair on her earlobes. When she finished threading the film, he said, “Thank you, Miss — uh—?”

“Elizabeth Lane,” she said in her throaty voice. “I’m the county librarian.”

She returned to the main floor and Dewey sat down in front of the reader. He wound the film to a Sunday-supplement feature he had written ten years earlier. In it he had recapped the entire story of the ice pick killing of Angela Strawn, the arrest of her husband, the futile search for the missing murder weapon, the trial of Jack Strawn, and his subsequent acquittal. Dewey did not know what he hoped to find in reviewing the story; probably nothing at all, he guessed; but the killing and missing weapon of a decade earlier were so similar to the recent killing and missing weapon that he thought it best to refresh his memory.

When he finished, Dewey left the film on the reader and started back upstairs. On his way he stopped and looked through an open door into another small room, this one furnished with a couch and club chair, end tables, a small refrigerator, coffee maker, and portable TV. In one comer was a worktable with a paper cutter, glue pot, and two small vises. In another, a book lift loaded with books to be hoisted upstairs. Between them was a small desk with a chair.

“That’s my little workroom, Mr. Taylor.”

Dewey whirled around at the sound of Elizabeth Lane’s voice. He had not heard her come back downstairs and she startled him.

“It isn’t much,” she continued, “but it’s a quiet place to work after hours. I do all the bookbinding and repairs myself. It saves on the library budget.”

“That’s very conscientious of you,” Dewey said, back in control of himself.

“Thank you. I came down to tell you that Fred Simply is waiting for you upstairs. He says you’re a famous newspaper reporter from Birmingham.”

“I’m not really that famous,” Dewey said, following her back upstairs. He liked the way she looked walking up the stairs.

“Hmmmmm. It surprises me that a newspaperman doesn’t know how to use a microfilm reader.”

Elizabeth Lane returned to her desk. Dewey suppressed a smile as he watched her walk away. She had long legs and a healthy, country-girl stride. Dewey liked that too. He felt a stirring inside that he had not felt in a long time.

“Uh, Mr. Taylor,” Simply said, touching his arm. “I, uh, I’m here.”

“Of course you are, Simply. I knew you wanted to take me to supper, that’s why I had you come over. Have you selected a nice place?”

“Well, I, uh—”

“I’m sure you have.” Dewey draped an arm around the stringer’s shoulders and guided him toward the door.

“Uh, about that byline, Mr. Taylor—”

“Later, Simply, later. Right now, I want you to tell me everything you know about your county librarian, Elizabeth Lane.”

As they left the library, Dewey glanced back at the desk. Elizabeth Lane was watching him leave. Dewey smiled a satisfied smile.

At ten the next morning, Dewey rang the bell at the Trane mansion. Leonora Trane herself answered the door. She was a tall, regal woman with perfectly coiffed hair and a splendid figure, wearing an ankle-length silk robe.

“Come in, Mr. Taylor,” she said easily. “We’ll talk on the veranda. There’s coffee.”

Dewey followed her through a dining room to a veranda laid in deep red Mexican rootstone, ringed by yellow roses. They sat and she poured coffee.

“Mr. Taylor,” she said, “the only reason I consented to see you was because you said on the phone that you had seen Jack and that he told you he believes I murdered George. If he told you that much, I’m quite certain he must have told you a great deal more. Such as the fact that he and I were lovers. And that I no longer loved my husband. All of which is true. But I assure you, I had nothing to do with George’s death. My late husband and I had an understanding: I went my way, he went his.”

“Did he know about you and Strawn?”

Leonora Trane shrugged elegant shoulders. “Possibly. No, probably.” She smiled slightly. “We didn’t discuss our affairs; we weren’t that decadent. But we were usually aware of what the other was doing, at least abstractly.”

“Was Mr. Trane having an affair at the time he was murdered?” Dewey asked.

“Oh, yes. George had a mistress. Someone he’d been seeing for several years.” She smiled again, in amusement this time. “I used to find all those telltale, silly little signs that wives notice: makeup smudges on his collar, a perfume scent on his coat and shirt. Jasmine fragrance, something I never use. It was so — well, mundane. Like afternoon television.”

“Do you know who his mistress is?”

“Was. No, I don’t. I never really cared to know.” She sipped her coffee, then said, “Shall we get to the main point of your visit? How can I convince you that I did not murder my husband?”

Now it was Dewey who shrugged. “Just tell me you didn’t.”

“All right. I didn’t. Anything else?”

“Why would Jack Strawn think you did?”

Again the amused smile. “Jack is the sort of man who thinks women would kill for him. You may have noticed that he’s quite impressed with himself.”

Dewey locked eyes with her. “You must have been a little impressed too. He was your lover.”

“One of my lovers, Mr. Taylor,” she said without the faintest unease. “Just one of them.”

Dewey sat back and nodded thoughtfully. “I see. You didn’t want to run away with him then?”

“Certainly not.”

“Or sue your husband for divorce?”

“No.”

“Did you ever tell Strawn you wanted to do either? Or lead him to believe you would?”

“Never.”

Dewey shook his head. Strawn, you lying macho bastard.

“Who do you think killed your husband, Mrs. Trane?”

“I haven’t the vaguest idea. Frankly, I didn’t think for a moment that Jack had done it. Then that business came up about his wife being killed the same way.”

“You hadn’t known about that?”

“Heavens, no,” she said with genuine abhorrence.

“Did that change your mind about whether Jack might have done it?”

“Well, it certainly gave me pause for thought. But I’m still not sure. I don’t want to think that Jack did it, but it’s difficult to arrive at any other conclusion.”

“What about the mistress?”

Leonora Trane shook her head. “If I know George, she was only someone he toyed with for his own amusement. Someone he could dominate. He couldn’t dominate me, you see. So I suppose he needed someone he could impress. But I’m sure there was no emotional involvement of the sort that would lead to murder. Besides, George was killed here, on the estate. What would his mistress have been doing here?”

“What about business associates? Did anyone dislike him?”

Again she shook her head. “He was very popular. Honest as the day is long, in business anyway. A community figure — served on the school board, the road commission, the library board, the city council.”

No wonder Strawn was convicted so quickly, Dewey thought. He finished his coffee and rose. “Thank you for seeing me, Mrs. Trane.”

“Not at all. I hope I haven’t given you the impression that I’m totally without conscience. I’m sorry that George is dead, and I’m sorry that Jack is in so much trouble. But there’s nothing I can do about either of them, is there? And life does go on.”

“It does that,” Dewey Taylor agreed.

This woman, he decided as he was leaving, would not kill for any man.

It was almost noon when Dewey got back to town. He went directly to the library. A young library assistant told him that Elizabeth Lane was downstairs in her workroom. Dewey went down and tapped on the open door. Elizabeth looked up from her desk.

“Oh, hello. Come in. What can I do for the famous reporter today?”

“I’ve come to take you to lunch in celebration of your fifteenth anniversary as the librarian for this splendid little community,” Dewey said glibly.

She smiled the slightest of smiles and continued working. “I take it you’ve been asking Fred Simply some questions. He must have told you that the anniversary to which you refer was three months ago.”

“Yes, he did. I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Too late, I’m afraid.”

Dewey thought for a moment. “Suppose I had been early? Would that have made a difference?”

“Perhaps.”

“All right, then, I’d like to take you to lunch to celebrate your sixteenth anniversary. I’m afraid I’m nine months early.”

She kept working, checking invoices and receipts, initialing them, spiking them on an old-fashioned spindle. But she did smile again. “How do you know I’ll be here in nine months?”

Dewey glanced around the little workroom she had fashioned for herself, the little sanctuary from the lonely nights, the refuge from whatever there was out there in the world that frightened her. “You’ll be here,” he said quietly.

Elizabeth Lane’s smile faded and she self-consciously put one hand on her throat. Their eyes caught in an instant of naked truth. Then the librarian put one more paper on the spindle and said, “All right, I’ll have lunch with you.”

They drove to a little café built on a pier out over the Chattahoochee River, and ordered fried catfish and hush puppies and a pitcher of iced tea. Their table was next to an open wall, and the river slapped gently at the pilings beneath them. In a nearby moss tree growing out of the water, a blue jay quarreled noisily and chased some sparrows from their limb.

“Reminds me of my city editor,” Dewey said, watching the bullying blue jay.

“How long have you been a reporter?” she asked.

“About a hundred years. Seems like, anyway.”

“You must love it.”

“Must I?” he asked dryly.

“Why keep doing it if you don’t?”

He shrugged. “Life’s rut. I have a feeling you know what that is. It’s that limbo state of mind that most humans fall into, where our lives aren’t good enough for us to be happy, but not bad enough for us to make a change. It’s a neutral existence where most days are like most other days, where there’s no excitement, no challenge, nothing to make your blood rush. It’s a life where you never sweat. That’s life’s rut. Sound familiar?”

“Should it?” She tilted her head. “I wonder what Fred Simply has told you about me.”

“Just the usual. You’re a New Rome girl who went to college thirty miles from here, then came back to run the library. Your parents are dead, you’ve never married, you live in the same house where you were bom, all alone except for three cats, and… His words trailed off.

“Go on,” she said evenly, “finish it.”

Dewey remained silent.

“And I’m the town old maid,” she finished it for him. “A dried-up, nearly forty-year-old virgin.” A low fire began to show in her eyes. “Do you believe that?”

Dewey looked at her bare arms, at a bed of freckles just below her throat, at the full lower lip that sometimes gave her an artificial pout. He did not answer her.

“Let’s see if you believe it,” she said. “Supper tonight. At my house.” Her words were clearly a challenge. And her voice was huskier than usual. Dewey felt his mouth go dry.

“All right,” he said. “Supper tonight. At your house.”

They finished lunch. Dewey walked close to her on the way out. He caught a trace of aroma from her.

“I like your perfume,” he said.

“It isn’t perfume, it’s bath oil, but it lingers. I’m glad you like it. It’s my favorite — jasmine.”

Dewey felt a sudden coldness along his spine.

“There s a mistress who may be involved in the Trane murder,” Dewey told Fred Simply later that day. “You and I are going to find out who it is.”

“Uh, sure, Mr. Taylor. How do we, uh, go about it?”

“The way good newsmen go about getting any story, Simply: legwork and investigation. This is your town, you probably know half the people in it; I want you to start talking to those people: quietly and discreetly, not like you’re asking questions, but like you’re just having a private, personal conversation. Trane had a mistress in this town; somebody had to know about it. They had to meet somewhere, so someone must have seen them. Think you can handle it, Simply?”

“Can do, Mr. Taylor. Uh, do you think I might get a byline if we find her?”

“You never can tell, Simply,” the reporter said, throwing him a confidential wink. “Now go to work.”

After Simply left, Dewey walked over to the library. He did not go in, merely sat on a bench under a tree, looking at the neat, white-columned little building, thinking about the woman inside. Elizabeth Lane, with her sensuous arms and dusty freckles and throaty voice, who had stirred old feelings in him; warm, liquid feelings, the kind he had known frequently as a younger man, but had experienced less and less often as he matured and found himself becoming jaded about the world and its creatures.

Resting his head back against the bench, Dewey mused about how unpredictable life was. He had come to New Rome on a routine assignment, to do nothing more than complete a routine story about a routine murder trial. Now here he was about to become involved with a lady librarian. And there was no doubt in his mind that there would be an involvement. No doubt in hers either. When their eyes met over lunch, they had communicated more in a split instant than some couples do in a lifetime. One fleeting moment, and they had registered an intimacy of each other that cried out for fulfillment. A fulfillment which would be consummated tonight in her home, her bed, her body.

And the fact that she used jasmine bath oil had to be nothing more than a coincidence.

Had to be.

After sitting on the bench for an hour, Dewey got up and walked back to the motel. The afternoon was hot and his lower back ached again; he had been on his feet too much the last couple of days. The realization made him grunt. In the old days, when he’d been a war correspondent during the Korean War, he could keep up with gung ho young marines on a thirty-mile forced march and still radio a good story at the end of the day. Now it seemed that his back and feet hurt with increasing regularity when he just thought about walking someplace.

In his room, Dewey poured gin over fresh ice and swirled it around with his finger. Those were the days, he thought, remembering Korea as he reached behind himself to massage his back. Whatever happened to that book I was going to write? he wondered. That great best-seller about the young marines of the Korean War. Did it just fall by the wayside like so many other things? Like the two wives, the failed marriages, the grown daughter he barely knew, the career, once so bright, that had gone from newspapers in Chicago to St. Louis to Springfield and finally to Birmingham, losing a little prestige each time.

“Yeah,” he said aloud. “By the wayside.” He took a long drink of gin and stretched out on the bed, holding the glass on his chest. But to hell with all that, he told himself firmly. That was then and this was now. All he wanted on his mind at the moment was the woman named Elizabeth Lane, who had great arms and freckles and who only coincidentally used jasmine bath oil.

He took another long drink.

Only coincidentally.

The next morning, from far, far away, someone was knocking insistently on Dewey’s motel room door. He dragged out of bed, pulled on a ratty, old red bathrobe which he never left home without, and opened the door. It was Simply.

“Why are you waking me at dawn, Simply?” he growled. “Are we under nuclear attack?”

“Uh, it’s not dawn, Mr. Taylor. It’s ten past ten. I’ve come to report on my investigation yesterday.”

Dewey’s eyes were red and swollen, his head had a giant pulse inside it, his body felt as if an elevator had dropped on him, and he was sure he would never be able to get into a kneeling position again. Squinting at Simply, he said, “Investigation?”

“Uh, yeah. You know, Trane’s mistress, who might be involved in the murder.”

For a moment, under all the wreckage, he felt a flicker of hope that Simply might have found someone completely unknown to him; and then a flicker of fear that he might have found out that it was—

Shaking the thought from his mind, Dewey asked, “What do you have to report?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Uh, that’s right, sir. I talked to sixteen people. Just like you told me to: discreetly and confidentially. I talked to everybody from the mayor and the banker to the barber and the town drunk. Not a single one of them ever heard of George Trane having a mistress. And none of them believed it was true.”

“It must not be true, then,” Dewey said.

Simply frowned. “Why not?”

“Truth is nothing more than popular opinion,” Dewey explained. “If nobody believes something, then it isn’t true.” He guided Simply back out of the room. “I’ll be leaving in a little while, Simply. It’s been nice working with you.” He started to close the door.

“Uh, Mr. Taylor, have you given any more thought to my byline?”

“Still considering it, Simply. I’ll let you know.” He closed the door on the young stringer and started sluggishly for the bathroom. Then he stopped, reconsidered, and opened the door again. “Fred!” he called, using Simply’s given name for the first time. The stringer looked back from the motel parking lot. “Whip out two thousand words recapping the Strawn trial for the Sunday supplement. I’ll see you get an exclusive byline on it.” Without waiting for Simply to gush his thanks, Dewey slammed the door.

In the bathroom, his thrashed image glared back at him from the mirror. He thought of the previous night, the hours spent with Elizabeth, the food, the liquor, the unbridled passion. God, he thought, shaking his head, had that been him?

Dropping his robe, Dewey got under a stream of hot water in the shower and stood there for ten minutes. Eventually he reached out and got his toothbrush and used it. Then he lathered his face and shaved from memory, without a mirror. He was lucky; he only cut himself four times. But under the hot water he began to come alive again and the memory of the previous night came into sharper focus. The previous evening, he remembered vividly now, had been incredible — the food, the drink, the lovemaking — it had all been perfect.

He came out of the bathroom feeling great. From his garment bag he took fresh clothes and dressed. He combed his hair, gave his shoes a lick with the motel towel, packed the rest of his things, and checked out. He drove the two blocks to the library.

Elizabeth was in her workroom again. She looked up and smiled as he came in. “Good morning, Dewey.”

“Good morning.”

She stretched luxuriously. “Do you feel as wonderful as I do?”

“I feel pretty good,” he admitted.

“If you’re here to take me to lunch, it’s a little early, but I don’t mind if you don’t—”

“I’m not here to take you to lunch,” he interrupted. He rubbed his fingers around the glue pot on her worktable and they picked up dried particles of rubber cement. Scrapings from the victim’s fingernails… some slight rubber cement residue…

He touched a slight indented mar in one comer of the table. Other damage to the body…a small bruise on the right temple…

Moving over to her desk, he caught some of the fragrance of her still-fresh bath oil. A perfume scent on his shirt and coat… jasmine fragrance…

From the desk, he picked up her old-fashioned spindle with its ice pick point.

“Why did you kill him, Elizabeth?” he asked quietly.

Elizabeth Lane sighed a helpless little sigh and shook her head. “I don’t know. He was standing there, getting ready to leave, as he had so many countless times before. He had a little smirk on his face that he always seemed to have after he had… used me. It never bothered me much before, but for some reason on that particular night—” She shook her head again. “I just picked up the spindle and stabbed it into his chest. He started to fall, then he hit his head on the table and kind of staggered back and actually sat right in the book lift over there. I used it to move him upstairs. Then I rolled him onto a library cart and pushed him to the back door where I keep my car. I drove him out to his home and dropped him there.” She half shrugged. “I didn’t know what else to do with him.”

“That was as good as any place, I guess,” Dewey said. He put the spindle back on the desk.

“I had no idea about that gardener and what happened with his wife ten years ago. It’s been very heavy on my mind.”

“Don’t let it be. Strawn is right where he belongs; you can believe that. But you shouldn’t stay in New Rome, you know. If I found out, someone else could also.”

“As a matter of fact, I’ve been thinking of moving away,” she told him. “I’ve been offered a head librarian job in a little town in Florida, near the ocean. I’ve always wanted to live near the ocean.”

“Funny, so have I,” said Dewey. “There’s a book I always thought I’d write someday, living near the ocean.”

“Really?” An excitement came into her eyes. “I have some money, you know. A small inheritance from my parents. And the house they left me. And my own savings; I’ve saved plenty in the last fifteen years; nothing to spend, it on in New Rome. And of course he gave me gifts: expensive jewelry, mostly; I have a drawer full of it, because naturally I couldn’t wear it around town.”

“Naturally.”

“We could live near the ocean and I could run the library and you could stay home and write your book.” She got up and came around the desk. As she did, she picked up the spindle. Dewey tensed slightly at the sight of it in her hand. But she only stood holding it.

“What do you think I should do with this?” she asked.

He relaxed. “Let’s drop it in the Chattahoochee River on our way to lunch.” He took her arm. “Come on, we’ve got lots of planning to do.”

On their way out to his car, she said, “Dewey, do you suppose we could get married?”

“I guess so. Why do you want to?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never been very pretty. Maybe I just want to tell people my name is Elizabeth Taylor.”

Dewey laughed and put his arm around her. “Sure,” he said, “why not?”

They were laughing together as they drove away from the library.

Linda Barnes

Lucky Penny

Linda Barnes introduces a female PI in “Lucky Penny” Like Michael Spraggue, the independently wealthy actor-detective of Barnes s three exceptional novels, Carlotta Carlyle is a six-foot-one-inch Bostonian. The similarity ends there. Carlotta may lack Spraggue’s sophistication, money, and good looks, but the combination of her experience as a Boston city cop and her womanly, if not feminine, instincts makes her a wily, doggedly determined detective. She also happens to be a splendidly fresh storyteller. The prospects at the beginning of her career look excellent.

Linda Barnes came to detective fiction from a background in the theater. In addition to her Spraggue novels, the most recent of which is Cities of the Dead, scheduled for publication in February 1986, she has written two one-act plays. Presently she is at work on a full-length play and a novel featuring Carlotta Carlyle.

Lieutenant Mooney made me dish it all out for the record. He’s a good cop, if such an animal exists. We used to work the same shift before I decided — wrongly — that there was room for a lady PI in this town. Who knows? With this case under my belt, maybe business’ll take a 180-degree spin, and I can quit driving a hack.

See, I’ve already written the official report for Mooney and the cops, but the kind of stuff they wanted: date, place, and time, cold as ice and submitted in triplicate, doesn’t even start to tell the tale. So I’m doing it over again, my way.

Don’t worry, Mooney. I’m not gonna file this one.

The Thayler case was still splattered across the front page of the Boston Globe. I’d soaked it up with my midnight coffee and was puzzling it out — my cab on automatic pilot, my mind on crime — when the mad tea party began.

“Take your next right, sister. Then pull over, and douse the lights. Quick!”

I heard the bastard all right, but it must have taken me thirty seconds or so to react. Something hard rapped on the cab’s dividing shield. I didn’t bother turning around. I hate staring down gun barrels.

I said, “Jimmy Cagney, right? No, your voice is too high. Let me guess, don’t tell me—”

“Shut up!”

“Kill the lights, turn off the lights, okay. But douse the lights? You’ve been tuning in too many old gangster flicks.”

“I hate a mouthy broad,” the guy snarled. I kid you not.

“Broad, I said. Christ! Broad? You trying to grow hair on your balls?”

“Look, I mean it, lady!”

“Lady’s better. Now you wanna vacate my cab and go rob a phone booth?” My heart was beating like a tin drum, but I didn’t let my voice shake, and all the time I was gabbing at him, I kept trying to catch his face in the mirror. He must have been crouching way back on the passenger side. I couldn’t see a damn thing.

“I want all your dough,” he said.

Who can you trust? This guy was a spiffy dresser: charcoal-gray three-piece suit and rep tie, no less. And picked up in front of the swank Copley Plaza. I looked like I needed the bucks more than he did, and I’m no charity case. A woman can make good tips driving a hack in Boston. Oh, she’s gotta take precautions, all right. When you can’t smell a disaster fare from thirty feet, it’s time to quit. I pride myself on my judgment. I’m careful. I always know where the police checkpoints are, so I can roll my cab past and flash the old lights if a guy starts acting up. This dude fooled me cold.

I was ripped. Not only had I been conned, I had a considerable wad to give away. It was near the end of my shift, and like I said, I do all right. I’ve got a lot of regulars. Once you see me, you don’t forget me — or my cab.

It’s gorgeous. Part of my inheritance. A ’59 Chevy, shiny as new, kept on blocks in a heated garage by the proverbial dotty old lady. It’s the pits of the design world. Glossy blue with those giant chromium fins. Restrained decor: just the phone number and a few gilt curlicues on the door. I was afraid all my old pals at the police department would pull me over for minor traffic violations if I went whole hog and painted “Carlotta’s Cab” in ornate script on the hood. Some do it anyway.

So where the hell were all the cops now? Where are they when you need ’em?

He told me to shove the cash through that little hole they leave for the passenger to pass the fare forward. I told him he had it backwards. He didn’t laugh. I shoved bills.

“Now the change,” the guy said. Can you imagine the nerve?

I must have cast my eyes up to heaven. I do that a lot these days.

“I mean it.” He rapped the plastic shield with the shiny barrel of his gun. I checked it out this time. Funny how big a little .22 looks when it’s pointed just right.

I fished in my pockets for change, emptied them.

“Is that all?”

“You want the gold cap on my left front molar?” I said.

“Turn around,” the guy barked. “Keep both hands on the steering wheel. High.”

I heard jingling, then a quick intake of breath.

“Okay,” the сrоок said, sounding happy as a clam, “I’m gonna take my leave—”

“Good. Don’t call this cab again.”

“Listen! The gun tapped. “You cool it here for ten minutes. And I mean frozen. Don’t twitch. Don’t blow your nose. Then take off.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Thank you,” he said politely. The door slammed.

At times like that, you just feel ridiculous. You know the guy isn’t going to hang around, waiting to see whether you’re big on insubordination. But, he might. And who wants to tangle with a .22 slug? I rate pretty high on insubordination. That’s why I messed up as a cop. I figured I’d give him two minutes to get lost. Meantime I listened.

Not much traffic goes by those little streets on Beacon Hill at one o’clock on a Wednesday mom. Too residential. So I could hear the guy’s footsteps tap along the pavement. About ten steps back, he stopped. Was he the one in a million who’d wait to see if I turned around? I heard a funny kind of whooshing noise. Not loud enough to make me jump, and anything much louder than the ticking of my watch would have put me through the roof. Then the footsteps patted on, straight back and out of hearing.

One minute more. The only saving grace of the situation was the location: District One. That’s Mooney’s district. Nice guy to talk to.

I took a deep breath, hoping it would have an encore, and pivoted quickly, keeping my head low. Makes you feel stupid when you do that and there’s no one around.

I got out and strolled to the corner, stuck my head around a building kind of cautiously. Nothing, of course.

I backtracked. Ten steps, then whoosh. Along the sidewalk stood one of those new “Keep Beacon Hill Beautiful” trash cans, the kind with the swinging lid. I gave it a shove as I passed. I could just as easily have kicked it; I was in that kind of funk.

Whoosh, it said, just as pretty as could be.

Breaking into one of those trash cans is probably tougher than busting into your local bank vault. Since I didn’t even have a dime left to fiddle the screws on the lid, I was forced to deface city property. I got the damn thing open and dumped the contents on somebody’s front lawn, smack in the middle of a circle of light from one of those snooty Beacon Hill gas street-lamps.

Halfway through the whiskey bottles, wadded napkins, and beer cans, I made my discovery. I was doing a thorough search. If you’re going to stink like garbage anyway, why leave anything untouched, right? So I was opening all the brown bags — you know, the good old brown lunch-and-bottle bags — looking for a clue. My most valuable find so far had been the moldy rind of a bologna sandwich. Then I hit it big: one neatly creased bag stuffed full of cash.

To say I was stunned is to entirely underestimate how I felt as I crouched there, knee-deep in garbage, my jaw hanging wide. I don’t know what I’d expected to find. Maybe the guy’s gloves. Or his hat, if he’d wanted to get rid of it fast in order to melt back into anonymity. I pawed through the rest of the debris. My change was gone.

I was so befuddled I left the trash right on the front lawn. There’s probably still a warrant out for my arrest.

District One headquarters is off the beaten path, over on New Sudbury Street. I would have called first, if I’d had a dime.

One of the few things I’d enjoyed about being a cop was gabbing with Mooney. I like driving a cab better, but, face it, most of my fares aren’t scintillating conversationalists. The Red Sox and the weather usually covers it. Talking to Mooney was so much fun, I wouldn’t even consider dating him. Lots of guys are good at sex, but conversation — now there’s an art form.

Mooney, all six-foot-four, 240 linebacker pounds of him, gave me the glad eye when I waltzed in. He hasn’t given up trying. Keeps telling me he talks even better in bed.

“Nice hat,” was all he said, his big fingers pecking at the typewriter keys.

I took it off and shook out my hair. I wear an old slouch cap when I drive to keep people from saying the inevitable. One jerk even misquoted Yeats at me: “Only God, my dear, could love you for yourself alone and not your long red hair.” Since I’m seated when I drive, he missed the chance to ask me how the weather is up here. I’m six-one in my stocking feet and skinny enough to make every inch count twice. I’ve got a wide forehead, green eyes, and a pointy chin. If you want to be nice about my nose, you say it’s got character.

Thirty’s still hovering in my future. It’s part of Mooney’s past.

I told him I had a robbery to report and his dark eyes steered me to a chair. He leaned back and took a puff of one of his low-tar cigarettes. He can’t quite give ’em up, but he feels guilty as hell about ’em.

When I got to the part about the bag in the trash, Mooney lost his sense of humor. He crushed a half-smoked butt in a crowded ashtray.

“Know why you never made it as a cop?” he said.

“Didn’t brown-nose enough.”

“You got no sense of proportion! Always going after crackpot stuff!”

“Christ, Mooney, aren’t you interested? Some guy heists a cab, at gunpoint, then tosses the money. Aren’t you the least bit intrigued?”

“I’m a cop, Ms. Carlyle. I’ve got to be more than intrigued. I’ve got murders, bank robberies, assaults—”

“Well, excuse me. I’m just a poor citizen reporting a crime. Trying to help—”

“Want to help, Carlotta? Go away.” He stared at the sheet of paper in the typewriter and lit another cigarette. “Or dig me up something on the Thayler case.”

“You working that sucker?”

“Wish to hell I wasn’t.”

I could see his point. It’s tough enough trying to solve any murder, but when your victim is the Jennifer (Mrs. Justin) Thayler, wife of the famed Harvard Law prof, and the society reporters are breathing down your neck along with the usual crime-beat scribblers, you got a special kind of problem.

“So who did it?” I asked.

Mooney put his size twelves up on his desk. “Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick! How the hell do I know? Some scumbag housebreaker. The lady of the house interrupted his haul. Probably didn’t mean to hit her that hard. He must have freaked when he saw all the blood, ’cause he left some of the ritziest stereo equipment this side of heaven, plus enough silverware to blind your average hophead. He snatched most of old man Thayler’s goddamn idiot artworks, collections, collectibles — whatever the hell you call ’em — which ought to set him up for the next few hundred years, if he’s smart enough to get rid of them.”

“Alarm system?”

“Yeah, they had one. Looks like Mrs. Thayler forgot to turn it on. According to the maid, she had a habit of forgetting just about anything after a martini or three.”

“Think the maid’s in on it?”

“Christ, Carlotta. There you go again. No witnesses. No fingerprints. Servants asleep. Husband asleep. We’ve got word out to all the fences here and in New York that we want this guy. The pawnbrokers know the stuff’s hot. We’re checking out known art thieves and shady museums—”

“Well, don’t let me keep you from your serious business,” I said, getting up to go. “I’ll give you the collar when I find out who robbed my cab.”

“Sure,” he said. His fingers started playing with the typewriter again.

“Wanna bet on it?” Betting s an old custom with Mooney and me.

“I’m not gonna take the few piddling bucks you earn with that ridiculous car.”

“Right you are, boy. I’m gonna take the money the city pays you to be unimaginative! Fifty bucks I nail him within the week.”

Mooney hates to be called “boy.” He hates to be called “unimaginative.” I hate to hear my car called “ridiculous.” We shook hands on the deal. Hard.

Chinatown’s about the only chunk of Boston that’s alive after midnight. I headed over to Yee Hong’s for a bowl of wonton soup.

The service was the usual low-key, slow-motion routine. I used a newspaper as a shield; if you’re really involved in the Wall Street Journal, the casual male may think twice before deciding he’s the answer to your prayers. But I didn’t read a single stock quote. I tugged at strands of my hair, a bad habit of mine. Why would somebody rob me and then toss the money away?

Solution Number One: He didn’t. The trash bin was some mob drop, and the money I’d found in the trash had absolutely nothing to do with the money filched from my cab. Except that it was the same amount — and that was too big a coincidence for me to swallow.

Two: The cash I’d found was counterfeit and this was a clever way of getting it into circulation. Nah. Too baroque entirely. How the hell would the guy know I was the pawing-through-the-trash type?

Three: It was a training session. Some fool had used me to perfect his robbery technique. Couldn’t he learn from TV like the rest of the crooks?

Four: It was a frat hazing. Robbing a hack at gunpoint isn’t exactly in the same league as swallowing goldfish.

I closed my eyes.

My face came to a fortunate halt about an inch above a bowl of steaming broth. That’s when I decided to pack it in and head for home. Wonton soup is lousy for the complexion.

I checked out the log I keep in the Chevy, totaled my fares: $4.82 missing, all in change. A very reasonable robbery.

By the time I got home, the sleepiness had passed. You know how it is: one moment you’re yawning, the next your eyes won’t close. Usually happens when my head hits the pillow; this time I didn’t even make it that far. What woke me up was the idea that my robber hadn’t meant to steal a thing. Maybe he’d left me something instead. You know, something hot, cleverly concealed. Something he could pick up in a few weeks, after things cooled off.

I went over that backseat with a vengeance, but I didn’t find anything besides old Kleenex and bent paperclips. My brainstorm wasn’t too clever after all. I mean, if the guy wanted to use my cab as a hiding place, why advertise by pulling a five-and-dime robbery?

I sat in the driver’s seat, tugged my hair, and stewed. What did I have to go on? The memory of a nervous thief who talked like a В movie and stole only change. Maybe a mad toll-booth collector.

I live in a Cambridge dump. In any other city, I couldn’t sell the damned thing if I wanted to. Here, I turn real estate agents away daily. The key to my home’s value is the fact that I can hoof it to Harvard Square in five minutes. It’s a seller’s market for tar-paper shacks within walking distance of the Square. Under a hundred thou only if the plumbing’s outside.

It took me a while to get in the door. I’ve got about five locks on it. Neighborhood’s popular with thieves as well as gentry. I’m neither. I inherited the house from my weird Aunt Bea, all paid for. I consider the property taxes my rent, and the rent’s getting steeper all the time.

I slammed my log down on the dining room table. I’ve got rooms galore in that old house, rent a couple of them to Harvard students. I’ve got my own office on the second floor, but I do most of my work at the dining room table. I like the view of the refrigerator.

I started over from square one. I called Gloria. She’s the late-night dispatcher for the Independent Taxi Owners Association. I’ve never seen her, but her voice is as smooth as mink oil and I’ll bet we get a lot of calls from guys who just want to hear her say she’ll pick ’em up in five minutes.

“Gloria, it’s Carlotta.”

“Hi, babe. You been pretty popular today.”

“Was I popular at one-thirty-five this morning?”

“Huh?”

“I picked up a fare in front of the Copley Plaza at one-thirty-five. Did you hand that one out to all comers or did you give it to me solo?”

“Just a sec.” I could hear her charming the pants off some caller in the background. Then she got back to me.

“I just gave him to you, babe. He asked for the lady in the ’59 Chevy. Not a lot of those on the road.”

“Thanks, Gloria.”

“Trouble?” she asked.

“Is mah middle name,” I twanged. We both laughed and I hung up before she got a chance to cross-examine me.

So. The robber wanted my cab. I wished I’d concentrated on his face instead of his snazzy clothes. Maybe it was somebody I knew, some jokester in mid-prank. I killed that idea; I don’t know anybody who’d pull a stunt like that, at gunpoint and all. I don’t want to know anybody like that.

Why rob my cab, then toss the dough?

I pondered sudden religious conversion. Discarded it. Maybe my robber was some perpetual screwup who’d ditched the cash by mistake.

Or… Maybe he got exactly what he wanted. Maybe he desperately desired my change.

Why?

Because my change was special, valuable beyond its $4.82 replacement cost.

So how would somebody know my change was valuable?

Because he’d given it to me himself, earlier in the day.

“Not bad,” I said out loud. “Not bad.” It was the kind of reasoning they’d bounced me off the police force for, what my so-called superiors termed the “fevered product of an overimaginative mind.” I leapt at it because it was the only explanation I could think of. I do like life to make some sort of sense.

I pored over my log. I keep pretty good notes: where I pick up a fare, where I drop him, whether he’s a hailer or a radio call.

First, I ruled out all the women. That made the task slightly less impossible: sixteen suspects down from thirty-five. Then I yanked my hair and stared at the blank white porcelain of the refrigerator door. Got up and made myself a sandwich: ham, Swiss cheese, salami, lettuce and tomato, on rye. Ate it. Stared at the porcelain some more until the suspects started coming into focus.

Five of the guys were just plain fat and one was decidedly on the hefty side; I’d felt like telling them all to walk. Might do them some good, might bring on a heart attack. I crossed them all out. Making a thin person look plump is hard enough; it’s damn near impossible to make a fatty look thin.

Then I considered my regulars: Jonah Ashley, a tiny blond southern gent; muscle-bound “just-call-me-Harold” at Longfellow Place; Dr. Homewood getting his daily ferry from Beth Israel to MGH; Marvin of the gay bars; and Professor Dickerman, Harvard’s answer to Berkeley’s sixties radicals.

I crossed them all off. I could see Dickerman holding up the First Filthy Capitalist Bank, or disobeying civilly at Seabrook, even blowing up an oil company or two. But my mind boggled at the thought of the great liberal Dickerman robbing some poor cabbie. It would be like Robin Hood joining the sheriff of Nottingham on some particularly rotten peasant swindle. Then they’d both rape Maid Marian and go off pals together.

Dickerman was a lousy tipper. That ought to be a crime.

So what did I have? Eleven out of sixteen guys cleared without leaving my chair. Me and Sherlock Holmes, the famous armchair detectives.

I’m stubborn; that was one of my good cop traits. I stared at that log till my eyes bugged out. I remembered two of the five pretty easily; they were handsome and I’m far from blind. The first had one of those elegant bony faces and far-apart eyes. He was taller than my bandit. I’d ceased eyeballing him when I noticed the ring on his left hand; I never fuss with the married kind. The other one was built, a weight lifter. Not an Arnold Schwarzenegger extremist, but built. I think I’d have noticed that bod on my bandit. Like I said, I’m not blind.

That left three.

Okay. I closed my eyes. Who had I picked up at the Hyatt on Memorial Drive? Yeah, that was the salesman guy, the one who looked so uncomfortable that I’d figured he’d been hoping to ask his cabbie for a few pointers concerning the best skirt-chasing areas in our fair city. Too low a voice. Too broad in the beam.

The log said I’d picked up a hailer at Kenmore Square when I’d let out the salesman. Ah, yes, a talker. The weather, mostly. Don’t you think it’s dangerous for you to be driving a cab? Yeah, I remembered him, all right: a fatherly type, clasping a briefcase, heading to the financial district. Too old.

Down to one. I was exhausted but not the least bit sleepy. All I had to do was remember who I’d picked up on Beacon near Charles. A hailer. Before five o’clock, which was fine by me because I wanted to be long gone before rush hour gridlocked the city. I’d gotten onto Storrow and taken him along the river into Newton Center. Dropped him off at the BayBank Middlesex, right before closing time. It was coming back. Little nervous guy. Pegged him as an accountant when I’d let him out at the bank. Measly, undernourished soul. Skinny as a rail, stooped, with pits left from teenage acne.

Shit. I let my head sink down onto the dining room table when I realized what I’d done. I’d ruled them all out, every one. So much for my brilliant deductive powers.

I retired to my bedroom, disgusted. Not only had I lost $4.82 in assorted alloy metals, I was going to lose fifty dollars to Mooney. I stared at myself in the mirror, but what I was really seeing was the round hole at the end of a .22, held in a neat, gloved hand.

Somehow, the gloves made me feel better. I’d remembered another detail about my piggy-bank robber. I consulted the mirror and kept the recall going. A hat. The guy wore a hat. Not like my cap, but like a hat out of a forties gangster flick. I had one of those: I’m a sucker for hats. I plunked it on my head, jamming my hair up underneath — and I drew in my breath sharply.

A shoulder-padded jacket, a slim build, a low slouched hat. Gloves. Boots with enough heel to click as he walked away. Voice? High. Breathy, almost whispered. Not unpleasant. Accentless. No Boston r.

I had a man’s jacket and a couple of ties in my closet. Don’t ask. They may have dated from as far back as my ex-husband, but not necessarily so. I slipped into the jacket, knotted the tie, tilted the hat down over one eye.

I’d have trouble pulling it off. I’m skinny, but my build is decidedly female. Still, I wondered — enough to traipse back downstairs, pull a chicken leg out of the fridge, go back to the log, and review the feminine possibilities. Good thing I did.

Everything clicked. One lady fit the bill exactly: mannish walk and clothes, tall for a woman. And I was in luck. While I’d picked her up in Harvard Square, I’d dropped her at a real address, a house in Brookline: 782 Mason Terrace, at the top of Corey Hill.

JoJo’s garage opens at seven. That gave me a big two hours to sleep.

I took my beloved car in for some repair work it really didn’t need yet and sweet-talked JoJo into giving me a loaner. I needed a hack, but not mine. Only trouble with that Chevy is it’s too damn conspicuous.

I figured I’d lose way more than fifty bucks staking out Mason Terrace. I also figured it would be worth it to see old Mooney’s face.

She was regular as clockwork, a dream to tail. Eight-thirty-seven every morning, she got a ride to the Square with a next-door neighbor. Took a cab home at five-fifteen. A working woman. Well, she couldn’t make much of a living from robbing hacks and dumping the loot in the garbage.

I was damn curious by now. I knew as soon as I looked her over that she was the one, but she seemed so blah, so normal. She must have been five-seven or — eight, but the way she stooped, she didn’t look tall. Her hair was long and brown with a lot of blond in it, the kind of hair that would have been terrific loose and wild, like a horse’s mane. She tied it back with a scarf. A brown scarf. She wore suits. Brown suits. She had a tiny nose, brown eyes under pale eyebrows, a sharp chin. I never saw her smile. Maybe what she needed was a shrink, not a session with Mooney. Maybe she’d done it for the excitement. God knows, if I had her routine, her job, I’d probably be dressing up like King Kong and assaulting skyscrapers.

See, I followed her to work. It wasn’t even tricky. She trudged the same path, went in the same entrance to Harvard Yard, probably walked the same number of steps every morning. Her name was Marcia Heidegger and she was a secretary in the admissions office of the college of fine arts.

I got friendly with one of her coworkers.

There was this guy typing away like mad at a desk in her office. I could just see him from the side window. He had grad student written all over his face. Longish wispy hair. Gold-rimmed glasses. Serious. Given to deep sighs and bright velour V necks. Probably writing his thesis on “Courtly Love and the Theories of Chrétien de Troyes.”

I latched onto him at Bailey’s the day after I’d tracked Lady Heidegger to her Harvard lair.

Too bad Roger was so short. Most short guys find it hard to believe that I’m really trying to pick them up. They look for ulterior motives. Not the Napoleon type of short guy; he assumes I’ve been waiting years for a chance to dance with a guy who doesn’t have to bend to stare down my cleavage. But Roger was no Napoleon. So I had to engineer things a little.

I got into line ahead of him and ordered, after long deliberation, a BLT on toast. While the guy made it up and shoved it on a plate with three measly potato chips and a sliver of pickle you could barely see, I searched through my wallet, opened my change purse, counted out silver, got to $1.60 on the last five pennies. The counterman sang out, “That’ll be a buck, eighty-five.” I pawed through my pockets, found a nickel, two pennies. The line was growing restive. I concentrated on looking like a damsel in need of a knight, a tough task for a woman over six feet.

Roger (I didn’t know he was Roger then) smiled ruefully and passed over a quarter. I was effusive in my thanks. I sat at a table for two, and when he’d gotten his tray (ham-and-cheese and a strawberry ice cream soda), I motioned him into my extra chair.

He was a sweetie. Sitting down, he forgot the difference in our height, and decided I might be someone he could talk to. I encouraged him. I hung shamelessly on his every word. A Harvard man, imagine that. We got around slowly, ever so slowly, to his work at the admissions office. He wanted to duck it and talk about more important issues, but I persisted. I’d been thinking about getting a job at Harvard, possibly in admissions. What kind of people did he work with? Were they congenial? What was the atmosphere like? Was it a big office? How many people? Men? Women? Any soulmates? Readers? Or just, you know, office people?

According to him, every soul he worked with was brain dead. I interrupted a stream of complaint with “Gee, I know somebody who works for Harvard. I wonder if you know her.”

“It’s a big place,” he said, hoping to avoid the whole endless business.

“I met her at a party. Always meant to look her up,” I searched through my bag, found a scrap of paper and pretended to read Marcia Heidegger’s name off it.

“Marcia? Geez, I work with Marcia. Same office.”

“Do you think she likes her work? I mean I got some strange vibes from her,” I said. I actually said “strange vibes” and he didn’t laugh his head off. People in the Square say things like that and other people take them seriously.

His face got conspiratorial, of all things, and he leaned closer to me.

“You want it, I bet you could get Marcia’s job.”

“You mean it?” What a compliment — a place for me among the brain dead.

“She’s gonna get fired if she doesn’t snap out of it.”

“Snap out of what?”

“It was bad enough working with her when she first came over. She’s one of those crazy neat people, can’t stand to see papers lying on a desktop, you know? She almost threw out the first chapter of my thesis!”

I made a suitably horrified noise and he went on.

“Well, you know, about Marcia, it’s kind of tragic. She doesn’t talk about it.”

But he was dying to.

“Yes?” I said, as if he needed egging on.

He lowered his voice. “She used to work for Justin Thayler over at the law school, that guy in the news, whose wife got killed. You know, her work hasn’t been worth shit since it happened. She’s always on the phone, talking real soft, hanging up if anybody comes in the room. I mean, you’d think she was in love with the guy or something, the way she….”

I don’t remember what I said. For all I know, I may have volunteered to type his thesis. But I got rid of him somehow and then I scooted around the corner of Church Street and found a pay phone and dialed Mooney.

“Don’t tell me,” he said. “Somebody mugged you, but they only took your trading stamps.”

“I have just one question for you, Moon.”

“I accept. A June wedding, but I’ll have to break it to Mother gently.”

“Tell me what kind of junk Justin Thayler collected.”

I could hear him breathing into the phone.

“Just tell me,” I said, “for curiosity’s sake.”

“You onto something, Carlotta?”

“I’m curious, Mooney. And you’re not the only source of information in the world.”

“Thayler collected Roman stuff. Antiques. And I mean old. Artifacts, statues—”

“Coins?”

“Whole mess of them.”

“Thanks.”

“Carlotta—”

I never did find out what he was about to say because I hung up. Rude, I know. But I had things to do. And it was better Mooney shouldn’t know what they were, because they came under the heading of illegal activities.

When I knocked at the front door of the Mason Terrace house at 10:00 a.m. the next day, I was dressed in dark slacks, a white blouse, and my old police department hat. I looked very much like the guy who reads your gas meter. I’ve never heard of anyone being arrested for impersonating the gasman. I’ve never heard of anyone really giving the gasman a second look. He fades into the background and that’s exactly what I wanted to do.

I knew Marcia Heidegger wouldn’t be home for hours. Old reliable had left for the Square at her usual time, precise to the minute. But I wasn’t 100 percent sure Marcia lived alone. Hence the gasman. I could knock on the door and check it out.

Those Brookline neighborhoods kill me. Act sneaky and the neighbors call the cops in twenty seconds, but walk right up to the front door, knock, talk to yourself while you’re sticking a shim in the crack of the door, let yourself in, and nobody does a thing. Boldness is all.

The place wasn’t bad. Three rooms, kitchen and bath, light and airy. Marcia was incredibly organized, obsessively neat, which meant I had to keep track of where everything was and put it back just so. There was no clutter in the woman’s life. The smell of coffee and toast lingered, but if she’d eaten breakfast, she’d already washed, dried, and put away the dishes. The morning paper had been read and tossed in the trash. The mail was sorted in one of those plastic accordion files. I mean, she folded her underwear like origami.

Now coins are hard to look for. They’re small; you can hide ’em anywhere. So this search took me one hell of a long time. Nine out of ten women hide things that are dear to them in the bedroom. They keep their finest jewelry closest to the bed, sometimes in the nightstand, sometimes right under the mattress. That’s where I started.

Marcia had a jewelry box on top of her dresser. I felt like hiding it for her. She had some nice stuff and a burglar could have made quite a haul with no effort.

The next favorite place for women to stash valuables is the kitchen. I sifted through her flour. I removed every Kellogg’s Rice Krispy from the giant economy-sized box — and returned it I went through her place like no burglar ever will. When I say thorough, I mean thorough.

I found four odd things. A neatly squared pile of clippings from the Globe and the Herald, all the articles about the Thayler killing. A manila envelope containing five different safe-deposit-box keys. A Tupperware container full of superstitious junk, good luck charms mostly, the kind of stuff I’d never have associated with a straight-arrow like Marcia: rabbits’ feet galore, a little leather bag on a string that looked like some kind of voodoo charm, a pendant in the shape of a cross surmounted by a hook, and, I swear to God, a pack of worn tarot cards. Oh, yes, and a .22 automatic, looking a lot less threatening stuck in an ice cube tray. I took the bullets; the loaded gun threatened a defenseless box of Breyers’ mint chocolate-chip ice cream.

I left everything else just the way I’d found it and went home. And tugged my hair. And stewed. And brooded. And ate half the stuff in the refrigerator, I kid you not.

At about one in the morning, it all made blinding, crystal-clear sense.

The next afternoon, at five-fifteen, I made sure I was the cabbie who picked up Marcia Heidegger in Harvard Square. Now cabstands have the most rigid protocol since Queen Victoria; you do not grab a fare out of turn or your fellow cabbies are definitely not amused. There was nothing for it but bribing the ranks. This bet with Mooney was costing me plenty.

I got her. She swung open the door and gave the Mason Terrace number. I grunted, kept my face turned front, and took off.

Some people really watch where you’re going in a cab, scared to death you’ll take them a block out of their way and squeeze them for an extra nickel. Others just lean back and dream. She was a dreamer, thank God. I was almost at District One headquarters before she woke up.

“Excuse me,” she said, polite as ever, “that’s Mason Terrace in Brookline.”

“Take the next right, pull over, and douse your lights,” I said in a low Bogart voice. My imitation was not that good, but it got the point across. Her eyes widened and she made an instinctive grab for the door handle.

“Don’t try it, lady,” I Bogied on. “You think I’m dumb enough to take you in alone? There’s a cop car behind us, just waiting for you to make a move.”

Her hand froze. She was a sap for movie dialogue.

“Where’s the cop?” was all she said on the way up to Mooney’s office.

“What cop?”

“The one following us.”

“You have touching faith in our law-enforcement system,” I said.

She tried a bolt, I kid you not. I’ve had experience with runners a lot trickier than Marcia. I grabbed her in approved cop hold number three and marched her into Mooney s office.

He actually stopped typing and raised an eyebrow, an expression of great shock for Mooney.

“Citizen’s arrest,” I said.

“Charges?”

“Petty theft. Commission of a felony using a firearm.” I rattled off a few more charges, using the numbers I remembered from cop school.

“This woman is crazy,” Marcia Heidegger said with all the dignity she could muster.

“Search her,” I said. “Get a matron in here. I want my four dollars and eighty-two cents back.”

Mooney looked like he agreed with Marcia’s opinion of my mental state. He said, “Wait up, Carlotta. You’d have to be able to identify that four dollars and eighty-two cents as yours. Can you do that? Quarters are quarters. Dimes are dimes.”

“One of the coins she took was quite unusual,” I said. “I’m sure I’d be able to identify it.”

“Do you have any objection to displaying the change in your purse?” Mooney said to Marcia. He got me mad the way he said it, like he was humoring an idiot.

“Of course not,” old Marcia said, cool as a frozen daiquiri.

“That s because she’s stashed it somewhere else, Mooney, I said patiently. “She used to keep it in her purse, sec. But then she goofed. She handed it over to a cabbie in her change. She should have just let it go, but she panicked because it was worth a pile and she was just baby-sitting it for someone else. So when she got it back, she hid it somewhere. Like in her shoe. Didn’t you ever carry your lucky penny in your shoe?”

“No,” Mooney said. “Now, Miss—”

“Heidegger,” I said clearly. “Marcia Heidegger. She used to work at Harvard Law School.” I wanted to see if Mooney picked up on it, but he didn’t. He went on: “This can be taken care of with a minimum of fuss. If you’ll agree to be searched by—”

“I want to see my lawyer,” she said.

“For four dollars and eighty-two cents?” he said. “It’ll cost you more than that to get your lawyer up here.”

“Do I get my phone call or not?”

Mooney shrugged wearily and wrote up the charge sheet. Called a cop to take her to the phone.

He got JoAnn, which was good. Under cover of our old-friend-long-time-no-see greetings, I whispered in her ear.

“You’ll find it fifty well spent,” I said to Mooney when we were alone.

JoAnn came back, shoving Marcia slightly ahead of her. She plunked her prisoner down in one of Mooney’s hard wooden chairs and turned to me, grinning from ear to ear.

“Got it?” I said. “Good for you.”

“What’s going on?” Mooney said.

“She got real clumsy on the way to the pay phone,” JoAnn said. “Practically fell on the floor. Got up with her right hand clenched tight. When we got to the phone, I offered to drop her dime for her. She wanted to do it herself. I insisted and she got clumsy again. Somehow this coin got kicked clear across the floor.”

She held it up. The coin could have been a dime, except the color was off: warm, rosy gold instead of dead silver. How I missed it the first time around I’ll never know.

“What the hell is that?” Mooney said.

“What kind of coins were in Justin Thayler’s collection?” I asked. “Roman?”

Marcia jumped out of the chair, snapped her bag open, and drew out her little .22. I kid you not. She was closest to Mooney and she just stepped up to him and rested it above his left ear. He swallowed, didn’t say a word. I never realized how prominent his Adam’s apple was. JoAnn froze, hand on her holster.

Good old reliable, methodical Marcia. Why, I said to myself, why pick today of all days to trot your gun out of the freezer? Did you read bad luck in your tarot cards? Then I had a truly rotten thought. What if she had two guns? What if the disarmed .22 was still staring down the mint chocolate-chip ice cream?

“Give it back,” Marcia said. She held out one hand, made an impatient waving motion.

“Hey, you don’t need it, Marcia,” I said. “You’ve got plenty more. In all those safe deposit boxes.”

“I’m going to count to five—” she began.

“Were you in on the murder from day one? You know, from the planning stages?” I asked. I kept my voice low, but it echoed off the walls of Mooney’s tiny office. The hum of everyday activity kept going in the main room. Nobody noticed the little gun in the well-dressed lady’s hand. “Or did you just do your beau a favor and hide the loot after he iced his wife? In order to back up his burglary tale? I mean, if Justin Thayler really wanted to marry you, there is such a thing as divorce. Or was old Jennifer the one with the bucks?”

“I want that coin,” she said softly. “Then I want the two of you” — she motioned to JoAnn and me — “to sit down facing that wall. If you yell, or do anything before I’m out of the building, I’ll shoot this gentleman. He’s coming with me.”

“Come on, Marcia,” I said, “put it down. I mean, look at you. A week ago you just wanted Thayler’s coin back. You didn’t want to rob my cab, right? You just didn’t know how else to get your good luck charm back with no questions asked. You didn’t do it for money, right? You did it for love. You were so straight you threw away the cash. Now here you are with a gun pointed at a cop—”

“Shut up!”

I took a deep breath and said, “You haven’t got the style, Marcia. Your gun’s not even loaded.”

Mooney didn’t relax a hair. Sometimes I think the guy hasn’t ever believed a word I’ve said to him. But Marcia got shook. She pulled the barrel away from Mooney’s skull and peered at it with a puzzled frown. JoAnn and I both tackled her before she got a chance to pull the trigger. I twisted the gun out of her hand. I was almost afraid to look inside. Mooney stared at me and I felt my mouth go dry and a trickle of sweat worm its way down my back.

I looked.

No bullets. My heart stopped fibrillating, and Mooney actually cracked a smile in my direction.

So that’s all. I sure hope Mooney will spread the word around that I helped him nail Thayler. And I think he will; he’s a fair kind of guy. Maybe it’ll get me a case or two. Driving a cab is hard on the backside, you know?

Isak Romun

The Grabber

Isak Romun is former infantryman, paratrooper, airdrop specialist, and program officer in the U.S. Army. He retired in 1965 and joined the Federal Civil Service, first as a public affairs miter and then as a supervisory education specialist. He presently oversees a publication group at the U.S. Army Quartermaster School, Fort Lee, Virginia, and teaches fiction writing at Christopher Newport College and John Tyler Community College. His first story was published in 1975, and five of his stories have made the Honor Role of the Yearbook of the Mystery and Suspense Story.

Police bullets put an end to the Grabber. But not before he scratched the number six three times across the wall of the room he holed up in. A plainclothesman, viewing the sixes, pronounced them one number: 666.

I don’t know why I got up at three o’clock on that miserably cold morning and went out there. The Grabber and the kids he left half dead or wanting to die were news beat, I was features. Mine was a nine-to-five kind of existence. The Grabber, a ski-masked, leather-jacketed brute specializing in assaults on lone, teenage girls, didn’t interest me particularly.

I had, of course, gotten myself involved in news stories before; after all, I was a newspaperman. But I was only interested if I could view a news story as the seed source for the kind of in-depth writing I was paid to do. I made the mistake of casually mentioning that the Grabber story might meet my specifications. One of the news people overheard me. Accordingly, the three o’clock call.

“Monahan, interested in the Grabber?” he asked, then didn’t wait for an answer. “He got number six tonight. And her boyfriend. Better move it if you want to beat the ambulance here.”

He told me where “here” was and I pulled myself to a sitting position in bed. For about a minute I fought between getting up and remaining in the warmth of the bed. Then I thought, even if I didn’t want this one, not showing up might cut off future leads from the news lads. So, I got up, dressed, and went out there.

Recollecting now, from the perspective of the present, I wish I had fallen back upon my pillow.

I did beat the ambulance, which didn’t surprise me. The Paulsburg ambulance service wasn’t noted for speed, but that night I think the driver was going in reverse.

What I saw was a nightmare scene. Cops and reporters were falling over each other. A bank of black-and-whites was drawn up, batteries slowly draining as high beams threw light on the area, pure white light striped blood red every second or so by the still-revolving lamps on the car tops.

The lights illumined the scene with a kind of staggering intensity. Everything was thrown into high, two-dimensional relief. You had the impression of looking at a very old movie, a movie of stiff figures in swift, articulated movement. Order was demolished. I looked on everything at once as if, as Chesterton wrote, a hundred windows opened on all sides of my head.

Later, I couldn’t recall the sequence of the things I saw: the dazed boy saying he knew nothing, he was hit from behind (“No, nothing hard”) by a blow delivered with numbing force and perhaps chance accuracy (“He must have hit a nerve”); the girl, alive but unconscious, bruised about the face, oddly passionless, lying on her back as the police found her, woolen cap down around her ears, winter coat buttoned up, collar drawn about her neck, gloved hands joined suggesting an attitude of prayer, like the effigy of a medieval queen surmounting her crypt; a cop running to his car, belatedly thinking of a blanket; the father coming upon the scene, looking once at his daughter, then turning to a nearby tree and pounding the tree as if he had the Grabber in front of him, pounding the tree until his fists were bloody knots of torn flesh; a cop trying to coax him away from the tree; and, finally, another cop attempting to explain that it looked like she was only beat up good and not the other — the Grabber must have been scared off — and pretty soon the ambulance would arrive.

The ambulance came. I must have been at the scene only two or three minutes. But I had seen a lot — those windows opening. There was scribbling over three pages of my notebook which included the girl’s name, Mea Gahn, which I couldn’t use because she was underage. Perhaps, I thought, I’ll keep on this.

The next day, my editor approved the story and I made two calls. One was to the Gahn house. I got an okay to come over later that morning. The other was to police headquarters. I asked for Lieutenant Brosnan. The desk sergeant told me Brosnan had stepped out for coffee. I knew where Brosnan got his coffee. The White House wasn’t far from the newspaper, so I walked it.

I got through the door in time to see him squeegeeing a moustache of foam from his upper lip. On the bar in front of him were an empty glass, a saucer holding an egg, and a half-full bowl of small pretzels. He said, “Join me?”

“It’s a little early for beer.”

“Beer? I came out for coffee.” Brosnan tapped the empty glass and the bartender refilled it, cut the head, then let another half inch or so of liquid run slowly into the glass.

I always hated to see Brosnan. He was bigger than I and as heavy. He ate and drank to what would be excess for me. Yet every inch of his body was rock hard, except his head. He projected a fumbling massiveness that put crooks off guard just long enough for him to snap on the cuffs. Brosnan was tough and bright and given to a droop-lipped jocularity which didn’t hide the fact that he’d been around a long time and probably seen too much.

“What brings you to the Oval Office?” he said mirthlessly. He picked up the egg, cracked it, pulled away the shell, and popped it in his mouth. Then he drank off the beer, but I swear he swallowed the egg whole.

“I’m doing a story on the Grabber,” I told him. “On the victims, that is.”

“So, read the papers. You guys know as much as we do.” He saw objection brimming to the surface. “No, I mean it, Monahan. We’re shooting blanks on this one. Those reassuring public statements we make now and then are not progress reports as much as they’re desperate attempts to stave off a wholesale firing.”

He grew thoughtful. Then he gave a decisive grunt and said, “There is something. Two conditions and you get this gem: One, it’s off the record, and two—” he looked wistfully at his glass like a kid who’s just been told the penny-candy counter is out of marshmallow twists — “as our Gaelic forebears would say, it’s hard to sing with an empty cup.”

“That’s a glass you have there.”

“I use the term generically, perhaps symbolically. The cup that cheers?”

“And numbs.”

“Mercifully, that too.”

I signaled the bartender and threw a bill on the bar. “So?”

“Here it is.” Brosnan drew near and said in a low voice, “He called last night. That’s a first. That’s how we knew where to find the Gahn girl. Some bombhead took the call and didn’t snap on the recorder.”

“That’s against the law unless the caller knows.”

“Wow! I’ll bet it is at that.”

“That’s it? That’s the big news?”

“That, I’m afraid, is it. You can’t use it, but maybe it’ll give you some insight into the character of this bird. And, remember, nobody knows about it except you, me, and a couple of bluecoats.”

I gestured at the beer the bartender had just served. “Can I get a refund?” Then I turned and walked toward the door. Brosnan threw a pretzel. It beat me to the door.

The Gahn house was in a better, not the best, part of Paulsburg. It was one of those neighborhoods where the houses look as if they have everything in common even though their plans are different. All the lawns are a uniform two-inch cut of greenness, the Buick’s in the garage and the Ford’s pulled up in the driveway, and inside the house some ugly, middle-class things are often going on.

The mother answered the door. When I introduced myself, she held out a dark hand with a quick motion that spoke of latent vigor, of some remembered urge to challenge. A faint odor of Emeraude hung in the space between us. She was a handsome woman, and you could see in her handsome face that somewhere in the past she had traded off beautiful for handsome. After the handshake, and under my scrutiny, she brushed nervously at her hair, black hair with strands of gray not quite combed under the black.

“I don’t know, Mr. Monahan,” she said in a washed-out voice. “We told the reporters everything…” Her voice trailed off.

I’d be put out if a newspaperman showed up on my doorstep the day after my daughter was beat up bad enough to go to the hospital. But she forced a smile. It was a small, soft, tepid smile, the kind you produce when you’re running at about half power. It contrasted with a tightness around her eyes, almost producing a squint, as if she were looking for something in the distance.

I went into my line about what I did on the Advance-lndicator, emphasizing I wasn’t a reporter. “No pictures, no names, no gawking crowds on your perfect lawn. Fm writing a story about feelings, and hurt, and impact.” It sounded so glib, I was encouraged to go on. “You’ll all be perfectly anonymous.” (As if there were degrees of anonymity!)

We were interrupted by a sharp, angular voice from inside the house. “Who’s it, Sue?”

She looked in the direction of the voice and I saw her deep brown eyes narrow and her forehead take on furrows. “The newspaper. The man from the newspaper.”

“Bring ’im in!”

She stood aside and I walked past her into a foyer. She closed the door, dodged around me, and led me into what I guessed was the house’s living room. Everything in it was bright and crisp, and obscurely depressing. Except for a wing chair, the furniture pieces were straight and spindly and modem and looked as if they had just been called to attention. There was the de rigueur television console along one wall, floor-to-ceiling bookcases along another. The books on the shelves appeared to be divided about evenly between military and historical titles at one end and fiction and poetry at the other. The first group of books looked spanking new, as if they had just been unboxed; the other group, the fiction and poetry, had tom or missing dust covers, and some looked as if their spines were broken. There was a selection of bookless shelves used to display trophies and a number of small figures and plaques of the type given to departing members of organizations, a custom associated more with protocol than affection. The dominant feature of the room was a large framed poster showing Douglas MacArthur’s beat-up Filipino marshal’s hat with the words “Duty — Honor — Country” below it, and below these, in smaller type, a number of MacArthur quotes. Around the poster were about ten smaller frames housing newspaper clippings and certificates for awards, honorable retirement, and varying species of patriotism, all earned by one Lt. Col. Arthur W. B. Gahn.

Who, I presumed, was standing now, back to his wife and me, looking up at the poster. His arms were behind him, the hands, bandaged, resting lightly on his buttocks.

His wife introduced me to his back.

Arthur Gahn made a slow, precise about-face and I saw the small, black-haired, middle-aged man I had seen the previous night. He had a reddish, shrunken, almost shriveled face, keen eyes, and a slight, wiry body like that of a terrier ready to spring. He wore a sweater with an outline of stitches on it where an alligator patch had been.

Gahn stuck out one of his bandaged hands, drew it back, then held up both of them so I could get a good look at the wrappings. I had the feeling I was supposed to admire them, gaze at them interestedly, as if reading an inscription on one of his trophies.

He asked, “What do you call fighting a tree, Mr. Monahan?”

“I call it a losing battle.”

At the last word, his face glowed. I thought, Ah, the old warrior.

“When I saw Mea lying there, I had to whack out at something. I’d’ve liked it to be the Grabber. Maybe some day. Meanwhile, the tree was handy.”

Sue Gahn saw me take out my notebook and pen. She touched her husband’s sleeve cautiously. “Arthur, I think Mr. Monahan wants to start.”

“I’m ready,” he said and pointed to one of the spindly chairs. I lowered my well-fed frame into it and was grateful it didn’t wrestle me to the floor. Gahn got lost in the wing chair’s overgrown upholstery which, in the midst of the unsubstantial-looking pieces around it, reminded me of a throne. On a small table beside him, a corncob pipe rested amidst half-burned dottle in a stoneware ashtray. In back of the ashtray was a stained, visored cap. A tall glass held the remains of a drink that looked as if it had once been a mint julep. Sue Gahn stood above and a little behind her husband’s chair, attentive, her hands over a sheathed bosom that resembled a sail under wind.

“Well, Colonel,” I said, and his face told me I picked the right word, “I know quite a bit already. I was at the site last night, I’ve got information from the reporters and police, and I know about the Grabber’s call to the police. So, I have most of the details. Names are out, of course, in a story like this—”

“Why?” he asked, a little crestfallen.

“To protect your daughter, Mea. She’s a minor. That’s the law in this state.”

“I see,” he said and added, “Well, she’s almost eighteen.”

“Will I be able to talk to her?”

“She’s still in the hospital, but when she comes out—”

“Arthur, do we have to?”

Gahn looked at his wife as though she’d been using four-letter words in church. “Nothing wrong at all,” he snapped. “She’ll probably gain from the experience as I dearly hope she will gain from the experience of last night.”

Sue Gahn lapsed into silence and I forged ahead. “I guess my first question is, What was she doing out so late? You say she’s seventeen?”

“Almost eighteen.” He looked up and back at his wife and she looked down at him. His mouth was half open like a baby bird’s waiting for a worm to drop in. “You take over on that one,” he commanded.

“Mea is an only child and a little headstrong,” Sue Gahn began, seeming to ignore the dissenting harrumph from the chair below her. “Since this will be perfectly anonymous—” I didn’t miss the echo of my own words — “I suppose I can tell you that she had been sneaking out at night. Working out her wildness, I guess, though I’m not at all sure there was that much wildness to work out.” Another harrumph. “The colonel had been going out after her and bringing her back. Last night he didn’t find her.”

I looked at him. “Let’s see, you went out last night after she’d gone. How did you know she went out?”

“Sue heard the downstairs door click. It woke her. She woke me and I dressed, took the Buick, and drove around town looking for her. And never found her. Would that I had.”

“Then you came back here and later got the police call?”

“No. I phoned home to see if Mea had come back and Sue told me what happened. And where to go.”

I went on asking questions and he answering them. Once in a while he’d field a question to his wife, then he’d take over again. I don’t know when it hit me that I regretted the three o’clock call, regretted seeing that poor kid laid out on the ground, regretted going out there to the Gahns, regretted all I had seen and heard there. Suddenly, I had a numbing distaste for this story, didn’t want any part of it. Besides, I wasn’t asking the right questions and wasn’t listening to the answers. I wanted to get out of there, away from Colonel Gahn and General MacArthur, away from that aura of dominance and subservience.

I toughed it out for another fifteen minutes or so, asking questions and pretending to be interested in the answers. I filled my notebook with squiggles and tried hard to hang on every word of Gahn’s — or seem to. I must have been convincing because when I snapped my notebook shut and said I had all I needed, he asked, “When will it be in the paper?”

I almost laughed in his anxious, shrunken face. I made up some quick-fix fiction about editorial review, space requirements, legal overview, the need to contact the families of other victims. By the time I finished, I think I convinced him it might be a good long while before my story saw print, if ever. I could read his disappointment.

“I just don’t understand,” he said with great earnestness and looked at his wife, who seemed preoccupied with the titles of the shelved books. “When it does come out, will you send me some extra copies of the paper?”

“Oh, yes, we do that automatically.” And with that last lie, I let Sue Gahn show me out. He called after her, Take Mr. Monahan around the grounds, Sue.”

The grounds weren’t anything to write home about and she scarcely paid attention to them. We walked toward the backyard along a paved driveway. When we came to the parked Ford, she went around one side and I the other. We came together in front of the car.

I hadn’t fooled her. “You’re not going to write it, are you?”

“No.”

“I’m glad to hear that. People around here—” she gave a little shrug of distaste — “they’d know, they’d talk. Even now, they’ll find out somehow. Anyway, whatever happens, I’ll know I didn’t have to buy your silence.” She gave me a full-faced stare.

I knew that look. I push a lot of doorbells. It was the look of someone rattling the cage; of someone who rushes to the front door when the bell rings hoping the world is calling. Sometimes it takes a crisis, like this thing with Mea, to produce that look. Other times it just happens. I wasn’t happy with the thought that I hardly mattered. I just happened to push her door bell. If not me, maybe a salesman.

“Do you have a first name?” she asked. “You use initials in your column. What’s the first one, the O, stand for?”

Everyone wants to know what the О stands for, and that doesn’t thrill me. But she apparently wanted to drop the formality of Mister and couldn’t very well call me Monahan, so I said, “Oscar. The О stands for Oscar.”

She was silent awhile, then said, “That’s a strong name. I like a man to have a strong name. My first name is really Suleika.”

“A beautiful name like that and he calls you Sue?”

“More WASPish. I used to think it was cute. Are you married, Oscar?”

“I was.”

“Divorce?”

“Death.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was a lot of years ago.”

We were walking toward an antique birdbath shielded from the house by the garage. She grasped my hand to guide me. Something charged up my arm.

She asked, “Will they ever catch him?”

“The Grabber? If he gets careless.”

“I wonder what he’ll say when they catch him.”

And so it went. A tour of the yard. A gentle give and take. Some ordinary language cloaking extraordinary feelings. When we came in line with the house, she dropped my hand and I realized we had been in physical contact up to then. The naturalness of it had muted my consciousness of it.

“I wonder how the warrior will take it,” I said, “not seeing the story in the paper.”

“The warrior?”

I nodded toward the house.

“That’s rich,” she said, and gave a ladylike snort. “That’s very rich. How’ll he take it? Oh, he’ll blow his top and maybe bear down on me and even Mea. He might even call up the paper.” Then a new thought came to her. “He’d better be careful. He got out on disability. She touched her left breast, but in a funny way, with her hand cupped under it as if supporting it. Or offering it. “That’s the heart you see in his face.”

And then we heard him calling, the distant assertiveness of an off-stage horn. She looked warily at the house, then pulled my head down and kissed me full on the lips.

There was everything in that kiss: passion, hunger, longing, promise. When she was through with my lips she drew back and lightly touched them with two fingers.

“I read somewhere,” she said, “it takes practice to kiss like that, like a beginner.”

“Practice has nothing to do with it,” I said.

At the back door, she said, “I’d like to see you again.”

I looked at her, not just a handsome woman, but a woman capable of the full expression of her feelings. Maybe she was seeking rescue from this outpost of whoredom: the unloved on top of the unloved. There was something about her that legitimized what she was doing.

Then I looked at the flip side. There was every indication she wanted more than a lover, probably a confessor or maybe just a big ear. I thought of being privy to every secret in that house, of knowing every niggling mean-spirited thing that went on in it. Aside from all the right considerations, the wages of sin, in this case, would be boredom. I decided to make some salesman happy.

“Well, Oscar?”

I felt like a kid whose path to First Communion is strewn with demons. “I wouldn’t want to do anything—” I stumbled over the word, then expelled it like a ball of phlegm — “bad.”

“Bad, Oscar?” she said, laughing. “You writers. The magic of words. I’m giddy.” Her laughter had a surface ripple that didn’t do much to hide the scorn beneath.

Then she went into the house.

His voice was the last thing I heard as I walked down the driveway. He was alternately shouting and whining. “Where have you been? You know I can’t do for myself with these hands.” Then softly, “He’ll write it?”

My editor was ticked off when I came back empty-handed, but he didn’t reassign the story. No one wrote it. A month or so later, I got a call from the colonel asking about it. I told him it had been killed, and dumped all the blame on my editor. I told my editor afterwards, in case Gahn called him. He took it with a measure of expected bad grace. On a newspaper, it’s the editor who wears the flak suit.

The Grabber went into a period of inactivity, and then, about a year later, struck once more. He assaulted and raped a girl who was going home alone. I kept a distance from the story, expressed no interest in the Grabber or his victim.

Then Brosnan called me. “He’s come out of the woodwork,” he said. “Number seven.”

“So I heard.”

“He picked on the wrong kid this time. She fought back. Hard. Ripped off the ski-mask. Made a positive ID. A squad s gone to get him. I’m leaving now. Want to come?”

Hit with a question like that, a newsman’s reflexes take over. I forgot that just before Brosnan’s call I didn’t want to hear a thing about the Grabber. I said, “Pick me up!”

We got there quickly. But it was too late. As Brosnan eased his car, portable flasher going, next to a black-and-white, the popping of rifle shots above us followed by a heavy silence told us it was over. A uniformed arm signaled from a third-floor window and, on the street, cops got up from behind parked cars, put bullhorns and special weapons into the trunks of the cars, and began talking to each other in that hushed way we do when death is around.

After a while, a middle-aged plainclothesman came toward Brosnan. He was pale and it didn’t look like that was his natural color. As he got nearer, he visibly straightened up so that by the time he got to Brosnan he was almost jaunty.

“So, Dempsey?” Brosnan said.

“He got it in a room up there, Lieutenant. Something interesting up there in that room. I could show it to you.”

“Please do,” Brosnan said, and then to me, “Let’s go, Monahan.”

We followed Dempsey into the apartment building. It was the kind of place that had never seen better days. All its days had been the same, sad and hard. We got in a rickety elevator that made me feel glad when its door opened on the third floor. We walked down a hall to an apartment.

In the apartment, we went to the living room. This was where the Grabber made his stand. His last stand. Already someone had thrown a covering, a uniform jacket, over the upper part of the body. I expected Brosnan to bend down, lift the jacket, and look at the Grabber’s face. He didn’t. All he did was ask Dempsey, “Sure he’s the right one?”

“He checks. Also, he resisted.” Dempsey pointed to a wicked-looking automatic on the floor in one of the comers. “We’re leaving it there for the technicians.”

“Very wise,” Brosnan said. He nodded at the wall opposite the double windows fronting the street. “I guess that’s your interesting thing?”

“Yes, sir,” Dempsey said. “Notice, they’re not on a line, but they’re pretty close together. Six-six-six. You see?”

“Why don’t you tell me.”

Dempsey flashed a wide smile, trying hard to keep it from growing into a grin. “Apocalypse. Revelation. Six-six-six — the sign of the beast. The Grabber identified with the devil. Maybe he thought he was a demon or the beast.”

“I have it now,” Brosnan said, looking down benignly at his man. “That explains those numbers — that number. Sounds great, Dempsey. Make sure you get that into your report. Off you go now.”

When Dempsey left, exit beaming, Brosnan turned back to the wall and looked at the three sixes. I did too. They didn’t look altogether that close to me.

I said to Brosnan, “The sign of the beast? You believe that?”

Brosnan kept his eyes on the numbers. “Monahan, you’re confusing belief with acceptance. Belief is a fringe benefit. Acceptance is what closes the books. I wouldn’t want you to quote me.”

“Not to worry,” I said. “Acceptance also makes good copy.”

Back in my office, I got right on the story, maybe the easiest I ever wrote. It was a good piece and pointed up the distance between what a feature writer does and what a reporter extrudes from his typewriter. When my editor read it, his eyebrows went up, a sign he liked it. Without comment, he blocked in space for it in the evening edition.

My work done, I decided to call Arthur Gahn and give him the news. She answered the phone. I told her who I was and asked for the colonel.

“He died, Oscar. The notice was in your paper. Don’t you read it?”

“Only the poets’ corner and the funnies.”

“Why did you call?”

“The Grabber was killed. About an hour ago or so.”

“I’d like to talk to you about that, but I don’t have much time.” There was a five-second pause, long enough for her to look at her watch and figure out just how much time she did have. “I’m taking flight six-sixteen to Chicago tonight. Is there someplace I could meet you for a drink beforehand?”

I told her how to get to the White House and she said, okay, she’d be there in about ten minutes.

The White House had a small lounge at its rear. I waited for Suleika at the front entrance and when she showed up took her back there. We found a table and sat down. A waitress transferred some dampness from a cloth to the table surface and waited for our orders. I got a beer. Suleika ordered one of those things with fruit and a parasol and a colored straw, a little floor show atop a glass.

I drank off half my beer in a healthy gulp and wiped the liquid off my lips with two fingers. She sipped noiselessly through her straw, dabbed at her mouth with a flimsy cocktail napkin. With both of us reinforced, I told her of the events earlier that day, of what the police and papers would call the Grabber’s seventh and last assault.

“What if I told you it’s only six?” she asked abruptly.

“I’d believe you.”

“You would? Why?”

“I guess you know why. Except for being battered, there wasn’t much else done to Mea. That wasn’t like the Grabber, he always had the ultimate fun. Mea’s coat was neatly buttoned. She had a wool cap pulled down on her head. Her gloves were on her hands. All of this as if to protect her from the cold. If it had been the Grabber, it would have been very different. Mea would have been lucky to have any clothes on at all. She was with someone. The five girls before her and the one after were alone. And today, those sixes, the Grabber was telling us something and it wasn’t something out of the Bible, which I doubt he knew an awful lot about anyway. He was telling us his score was six, not seven. Finally, that day at your house, when I let slip about the Grabber’s phone call, neither of you showed any interest. I figure the colonel must have made it and told you the Grabber did. But the cops didn’t give out that information.”

She picked up her drink and sucked fiercely. With most of the liquid gone, the straw made a dry, rattling sound as it pursued the remains. She put the glass down, picked up the miniature parasol and twirled it between two fingers, the same two fingers that touched my lips the year before. She hadn’t dabbed at her lips. They glistened. So did her eyes. So did her hair, jet black without a trace of gray.

“You may be stuffy, Oscar, but you’re no dumbbell,” she said. “Do you know why he did it?”

“He was a father. She was an unruly child. It was punishment, a gritty object lesson to give her a taste of what she might run into if she kept sneaking out. Maybe he wanted her to be like him. I don’t know.”

“He never wanted her to be like him, only less like herself. He couldn’t stand anyone being themselves.” She laughed cruelly. “You saw him hit the tree. God, I wish I had seen that. The pain, the sweet, excruciating pain. He didn’t take off those bandages for over a month.”

“Did it ever occur to you he might have been punishing himself?”

Her eyes went wide. “You don’t believe that, Oscar.” When I didn’t say anything, she said, “He hit that tree to cover up the bruises already on his hands.”

I nodded, a little sadly. Right there, at that grimy gin-mill table, we were stripping away from Arthur Gahn the last shred of humanity that still clung to him.

“Maybe all we got are guesses,” I said. “Good guesses, but still only guesses.”

“Not me! Not guesses.” She leaned over the table, almost toppling her glass. “He did it all right, and he planned it. Want to hear what I found in the Buick? That’s the car he took that night. Only the best for the colonel, even going out to assault his daughter. I had to get dressed and move the Ford so he could get the Buick out of the garage.”

“What did you find?”

“In the trunk. The ski mask and the leather jacket.”

I ordered another beer. She didn’t want another floor show. When my beer came, I let it settle, watched the foam bubbles burst one after another, then stared down at the flat golden surface. I raised the glass and talked into it as it neared my lips. “Did you tell Mea?”

“I waited till she got her head screwed on straight, then told her. She was eighteen by that time.”

“Why did you tell her?”

“I wanted him to have more than a pair of sore hands. She moved out lock, stock, and barrel. He never knew why.”

“He who plucks a flower disturbs the farthest star.”

“Is that authentic Monahan?”

“No. I picked it up somewhere along the line.” I swallowed some beer and tried a final time to bring Gahn back into the human race. “In his screwed-up way maybe he thought he was doing it for her good.”

“You men always make excuses for each other. Ever admire a statue from a distance, then get up close and see it’s covered with pigeon excrement?”

“So, hose it down.”

“Too late. The filth has eaten at it until, underneath, its character is changed. The corruption has shaped itself to the sculpture’s original lines.”

“What’s in Chicago?”

The change of subject seemed to startle her. It was a thing of seconds, a forming cloud hovering between us, then it was gone and she answered, “I have a detective agency looking for Mea. They seem to have a lead out there.”

“Going to bring her back?”

“Not unless she wants to. I just want to tell her he’s gone and how he went. Her leaving brought it all on.”

“How did he go?”

“Painfully. He was twisted in knots. Medicine was keeping him alive. Someone had to be with him all the time to give it to him.” Her eyes went dull and she smiled, but it wasn’t a smile she was giving to me. It belonged someplace else. She was seeing something else. Somewhere inside her a record went on and a calm, ordered monologue came out.

“The nurse didn’t come that day. I’d been waiting on him all day. At the end, I was sitting with him. He was in bed asleep. His mouth was open. I could hear his breath whistling over his teeth. I must have dozed. I dreamed. I was on a sidewalk. In the middle of the street was this dog. He must have been run over. He was whining. A really rotten sound. A plea for life. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see him. Closing my eyes on one nightmare, I opened them on another. He was on the floor. He had tried to crawl to me. I think I heard him cry out one last time. I reached into my apron pocket for the medicine. It was no good. He was gone. There — on the floor.”

“Suleika,” I said sharply. “Suleika!”

She came around, her smile now directed at me. She said she’d better start out for the airport.

“Need a ride?”

“No thanks. I have the Buick. Ill leave it in longterm up there.”

Before we parted, she said, “Can we see something of each other when I get back?”

I said, “I’ll keep in touch.”

I didn’t, though.

Arthur Gahn was no great shakes as a human being, but he deserved a better death. I think of him whimpering, crawling toward the woman just feet from him. The same woman who, once, on the top floor of her home, awoke to the faint click of a downstairs door.

Later, I heard she remarried. I saw them one day on a busy street. He was talking incessantly and bounding ahead of her. She looked briefly my way but I don’t think she saw me. She wore a half smile, and there was a tightness around her eyes.

James O’Keefe

Death Makes a Comeback

Though he has been writing stories for thirty-three years, since he was seven, “Death Makes a Comeback” is the first published story by James O’Keefe. It is also, he tells us, his first attempt at a hard-boiled story “since I quit trying as a teenager to be a clone of Hammett and Chandler ” Mr. O’Keefe was encouraged to submit this story to NBM by the response of his writers group, which includes Loren Estleman. He plans to make the psychiatrist, Dr. Larsen, into a series character.

Violent death was no novelty to Sgt. James Peyton. He had seen far worse than a brunette with a bruise on her forehead and a slit throat.

He felt as if he had just touched a live wire.

He wide-eyed the older detective. “Dad—”

Lt. Lawrence Peyton raised a cautionary hand. “Please, Jimmy.” His voice dropped. “I wish I’d never told you about him.”

“But the MO—”

“Sh. The husband hears you, spreads the rumor he’s back…” He glanced at the bedroom door as if he expected something to enter and devour them.

Lucy Welch’s long hair spread out like a nun’s veil on the gray carpet beneath her. Her brown eyes stared up at Jimmy.

She wore a red tube top and tight, black designer jeans. How perfectly, color-wise, her top and lipstick coordinated with her throat.

Jimmy hoped his necrophilic fantasies weren’t too obvious. He must mention them to Dr. Larsen tomorrow.

Jimmy Peyton was a fat little boy in a blond, blueeyed hunk disguise. He had fooled many women, since he always took off before the disguise slipped.

Lieutenant Peyton surveyed the huge, decadently ornate bedroom. He was a great, bloated version of his son with a cloud gray crew cut. “Judging by that crap on the dressing table, she liked spending money.”

“Or knew how to get some guy to spend it for her.”

Lieutenant Peyton winked approvingly, which gave Jimmy a glow, then turned his attention to the bed. “Black silk sheets. Now, what does that tell you?”

“I don’t think you should jump to conclusions, Dad.”

“You want to get to my rank, you’d better.”

The glow faded.

The Welch living room was expensively furnished, spotlessly clean, and coldly neat. Jimmy couldn’t wait to leave it.

George Welch had a thin, vinegary face and rust-colored hair, parted down the middle.

“I understand,” said Lieutenant Peyton, “you were divorced?”

“Separated,” said Welch as if he were about to have the lieutenant beheaded. “We were happily married; but we were having difficulties, so we decided to spend some time apart.”

“I see. So what happened tonight?”

“We were supposed to go to dinner and that play at the Birmingham Theater. I came by to get her; and I found her like that.”

Jimmy noted Welch’s granite formality. Indifference to his wife’s death? Shock? Or something else?

“Did you,” asked Lieutenant Peyton, “notice anything unusual as you pulled up?”

Welch hesitated. “No.”

“Sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay. Now, did your wife have any enemies?”

“Yes.” Like he was a cat and the question was a nice, juicy mouse. “She recently became friendly — just friendly — with a man named Eric Dimke. According to Lucy, he was used to getting his way with women; and when she turned him down, he didn’t take it well.”

“What did he do?”

“She wouldn’t tell me. But I got the impression she was scared of him.”

“You know where this guy lives?”

He gave them an address in Flat Rock.

“Think he’s telling the truth?” asked Jimmy back in the car.

“Not completely. Maybe not at all. Not about that trial separation; that’s for sure. Once she got her hands on his money and that house, that little bitch was through with him.

“And all you need to jump to conclusions about that is eyes.”

The address was in a sparsely populated area.

They turned into a driveway, the headlights revealing a bedraggled Oldsmobile parked so close to the road they almost rear-ended it.

They crossed what felt to Jimmy’s ankles like a balding, unmowed lawn.

Lieutenant Peyton sidestepped something. “Look out for this junk.” A lone streetlamp and the light from the house dimly illuminating scattered auto innards.

“I don’t believe it,” said Jimmy.

“Believe what?”

“That a woman as well off as her would take up with anyone who lived here.”

“Now who’s jumping to conclusions?”

The big, black leather reclining chair was the only piece of furniture in that room that did not need reupholstering, distinctive in a room whose walls bore cheap prints of flowers, gleaming on an unshampooed rug; and as anyone who had known him ten minutes might have expected, Eric Dimke occupied it.

He was a great bronzed ape with a creamy white Elvis pompadour. As he leaned back, his unbuttoned shirt spread open, displaying his pectorals.

Only Jimmy seemed to notice the woman. She viewed the proceedings as she had greeted the Peytons at the door: with dumb animal indifference through which muted anger only occasionally flickered. Blotches marred otherwise satisfactory features.

Lieutenant Peyton repeated Welch’s accusations.

“He’s full of it.”

“Did you know Mrs. Welch?” asked the lieutenant.

“Sure I knew her. Lotsa guys knew her. She was hangin’ around the Flat Top Bar — I dunno, five, six weeks before I got talkin’ to her.”

“What would a woman from Indian Village be doing in a bar around here?”

Dimke shrugged. “I wouldn’t go to no bars in Detroit after dark. I got the idea she went to bars all over the place. I mean, she was lookin’ for action. Or maybe she just didn’t want to go to no bars around where she lived ’cause she thought her old man might catch her.”

“She was afraid of him?”

“I think she was. I got the idea he was this wimp she’d just married for his money; and I asked her why she didn’t leave him; and she said, ‘That’s something I’d rather not go into’; and she got this funny look in her eyes. Know what I mean?”

“Yeah. You got to know Mrs. Welch quite well, didn’t you?”

Dimke’s face went cold. “Like what do you mean?”

“Well, she told you about her marriage. She told you about other bars she went to. Welch knew your name and address, which kind of suggests she did too. I mean, you can’t blame us for — uh — jumping to conclusions.”

Jimmy flinched.

Another shrug. “So I let her talk to me. So I let her think I was comin’ on to her.” He and Lieutenant Peyton studied each other. “So maybe I was. Hey, I been married — what? — twelve years? I used to be real big with the ladies. So I let some fine-lookin’ chick make some moves on me, show me I still got it. Even the most happily married man’s gotta do that or he gets stale. Right, hon?”

“I guess so.”

They were precinct bound.

“What do you think of his story?” asked Jimmy.

“Story’s fine. But did you notice Mrs. Dimke’s wrists?”

Jimmy vaguely recalled bruises.

“And the way she acted?”

“She acted bored.”

“She acted scared. She was scared to let us see how scared she was, so she held herself in. There’s plenty she could tell us; but she knows what he’ll do to her if she does.”

“So it’s between Welch and Dimke?”

“One thing’s sure: it wasn’t him.”

“Him?”

Lieutenant Peyton grinned. “You know.”

The lieutenant flipped on his office light. “The bloodstains show she was killed in the bedroom. And there was no sign of a struggle, so it was evidently someone she trusted.” He started going through the mail on his desk. “I mean, can you see anyone letting him get that close — and in her bedroom yet?”

He glanced at one of the envelopes, started moving it to the bottom, then glanced at it again.

His face went blank.

“What’s wrong, Dad?”

The old man struggled to smile. “Now, you got me doing it. Where’s the letter opener?” He went through his top drawer, then the second drawers on each side, then the next, growing more frantic with each drawer. “Where the hell is the damn letter opener?”

“Dad.” He grabbed the envelope and ripped off an edge.

Lieutenant Peyton snatched it back, clawed out the paper inside, shook it open, and read it.

He offered it to his son with a trembling hand, looking as if he were going to vomit.

The hand-printed words flew up like fists: “Lucy Welch was my return performance. Mephistopheles.”

Jimmy foggily heard his father: “First good hunch you had since you got promoted out of uniform; and it had to be about him.”

The bar was on the first level of the Renaissance Center. It was a slow night. The bartender and all but two of the patrons were engrossed in a televised Tigers game.

The Peytons sat, hunched over drinks, in the dim red glow, remembering seven years ago…

Lieutenant Peyton recalled a young blonde, nude on a morgue slab. Her face was like the wholesome farm girls on the cover of his folks’ American Magazines, except for the lump on her head and the gash across her throat.

An officer read from a notebook: “Her name was Helen Dunn. Twenty-three years old. She was a barmaid.” He named a bar near Wayne State University. “Her boss was emptying out some trash, right after opening up, when he found her body behind some cans.”

“Had there been any trouble recently?”

“Nothing in particular; but you know how barmaids are.”

Yeah.” He replaced the sheet, wondering how to say what he had to say without revealing too much. He decided it was impossible. “I want this to have top priority. I want to know who works there, who drinks there — everything.”

“Something special about this, sir?”

“Maybe I just don’t like to see twenty-three-year-old girls die.”

He was not fooling the officer. He did not care.

The “something special” was a printed note now in his desk drawer: “Helen Dunn begins her beauty sleep tonight. It’s going to be a long one. Mephistopheles…”

Anyone can write a note, blame a personal killing on a fictional psychopath. The police investigated the murder with more than usual diligence, but spread no alarms.

Peyton dismissed the note as a blind a week and a half later, but spent the next two months going through his mail on the brink of cardiac arrest.

He had just stopped fearing postal deliveries when the second note arrived: I’m afraid Tracy Huggins won’t have much time for studying from now on. But that doesn’t matter. She’s never going to graduate. Mephistopheles.”

He shut off his feelings and scoured the day’s reports, then called every Huggins in the phone book.

He went home with no idea who Tracy Huggins was—

The next morning, during coffee, someone tapped him on the shoulder.

It was another detective. “Weren’t you the one who was looking for Tracy Huggins?”

“Yes.”

“Her folks just reported her missing. She hasn’t been seen since leaving a late class at Wayne two nights ago.”

Six days later, a deputy sheriff on horseback found her behind some bushes in Hines Park…

Wayne State was on its guard. Patrols, curfews, inspection of credentials, hot lines to a special task force — there was no way this character could strike again.

As long as he confined himself to WSU.

One April night, Debra Meredith, twenty-four, divorced, went to a singles bar in Farmington. She left, according to witnesses, about twelve-fifteen.

She was found the next morning in the driver’s seat of her car in an Oak Park shopping center. This time, the note was on her lap: “Debra Meredith was looking for action. She found it. Mephistopheles.”

The investigation was soon statewide; but there were few leads, all false, by that early morning in June when a priest at the University of Windsor found Julie McKinnon, of Toronto, in some bushes.

The Windsor police received a note the next day: “Julie McKinnon felt so safe on this side of the water. Now she feels so sorry. Mephistopheles…

That was the end of it.

Until now.

The whitewashed walls of Dr. Whitney Larsen’s office were decorated with framed degrees, including a Ph.D.; professional-looking photographs, taken by the doctor himself, of breathtaking landscapes (“I won’t shoot anything warm-blooded, even with a camera”); and numerous paintings, portraits and abstracts and everything in between, of dogs (“I like dogs. My dogs have lasted longer, and pleased me more, than all my marriages”).

Dr. Larsen’s build resulted from another hobby: fine food. He was not fat yet; but it was a distinct possibility. He was a tall man with black, curly, thinning hair. His hazel eyes studied Jimmy Peyton, who haltingly detailed his fantasies about Lucy Welch.

The doctor realized he was expected to say something profound. “Was she good-looking — uh, as corpses go, that is?”

“Mrs. Welch had been an attractive woman in her lifetime.”

Larsen chuckled. “Could it be, if you’d jumped her bones, that really would’ve shown Daddy?”

“I don’t know.”

Conversation stopped. Jimmy studied the plaques and pictures while Dr. Larsen studied him.

“Jimmy,” said the doctor finally, “I get the feeling you’re not all here with me. Like there’s something really bugging you; and all this stuff about having the hots for a corpse is just your way of sidestepping it.”

He did not prod. He had learned the reluctant revelations were often the most significant, and that no patient was obliged to make them.

“When we got back to headquarters, there was this envelope on my father’s desk…

“So now,” said Dr. Larsen, “he’s back; and you’re going to deliver him to Daddy as a Father’s Day present—” he glanced at his 1984 calendar — “two months late.”

“Not exactly.”

“Then, what exactly?”

Jimmy laid a folded piece of paper on the desk. “This is the note.”

Dr. Larsen’s face soured. “Anyone ever tell you you watch too much television?” He read the note, his expression grim, then became haughty. “Ziss fellow iss obviously overzexed; but zen, aren’t ve all? Ven he vas a kinder, hiss mama locked him in ze closet ven she caught him vearing her undervear — hoo-ha! — undt ven he vas in dere, he seen papa t’rough da keyhole makin’ nice-nice mit a floozie.” Jimmy’s expression was granite. “Seriously, if you don’t already know as much as I could tell you about this guy — maybe, if you don’t know even more — I’d be worried about your future as a cop.”

“Think he wants to get caught?”

“Hell, no. Any more than you want to break your neck when you go on one of those super coasters at Cedar Point. I mean, besides hating women — which, I hope to God, you’ve already figured out — he likes excitement.”

“But why did he stop for seven years, then go back to it?”

“One sure way to find out.”

“What?”

“Have him make an appointment with me.”

Judy Franklin was Lucy Welch’s sister. Lieutenant Peyton could see a resemblance muddied by drink and fat Her brown, boy-length hair was flecked with gray. Her face was cosmetically embalmed.

She had a Georgia accent. “That wimp she married didn’t kill her, that boyfriend did.”

“We have them under observation, ma’am.”

“You should have their rear ends in jail.”

“Why?” Her body tightened with rage. “I mean, what makes you suspect them?”

He took his notebook from a drawer, placed it open on the desk, and poised a pen over it.

She relaxed a little. “I only met Welch once, back in 1977, when Lucy brought him home for a Fourth of July picnic. They weren’t married yet, think she just met him. Didn’t like him then. Every time I turned around, he was hangin’ around her; or he wasn’t far away, watchin’ her.

“And the way he watched her. I been in enough bars to know when a man watches you that way, you don’t want no part of him.

“Couldn’t understand what she seen in him till I found out he had money.” Some of his feeling about that must have shown in his face. “Well, you didn’t have to live on what was left of your daddy’s paycheck from his ladies and his drinking.”

“So you met him only once; and you’re basing a murder accusation on that?”

“That and the letters she sent me. He was just like I thought he was — jealous and clingy and all-around weird.”

“Do you have any of these letters?”

“Not now I don’t. I threw ’em out a long time ago.”

Aren’t you the sentimental bitch? “So all you have against Welch is hearsay? What about Dimke?”

She tensed again. “I suppose you’d say that was hearsay too, specially since she never said nothin’ right out. But a sister knows. You just go out there — he lives out in Flat Rock — and take a look at that wife of his. He coulda done that to her, he coulda done this to Lucy.”

“Good point.” He thought it best not to mention having already done so and coming to the same conclusion, or seeking someone much deadlier than Welch or Dimke.

Or that he was now drawing an unflattering caricature of the mayor of Detroit.

Lieutenant Peyton was obviously uneasy the next few days. He finally told Jimmy why over lunch. “Remember the last time I was after this guy; and I came in one night, real nervous, and glanced over my shoulder like I thought someone was following me; and you and your mother wanted to know why?”

Jimmy searched his memory, then shook his head. “But now that you mention it, was someone following you?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. That was after Tracy Huggins disappeared. Her folks came to headquarters, raised hell. Said I should’ve told the papers about that first note. Then, they would’ve known. Then, they could’ve done something. Stuff like that.

“Heard they hung around the rest of the day, still pretty steamed up. Made me kind of paranoid.”

“What did they do when her body was found?”

“I got a phone call the next day. They just said, ‘Satisfied?’ then hung up. I could tell it was Huggins.”

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Did she bring it all back?” The old man’s brows twitched. “I’ve seen her in the halls.”

He was referring to Judy Franklin.

Jimmy brought Dr. Larsen up to date. From Judy Franklin’s mouth to the doctor’s ear, the story was naturally mangled. But one point survived. And finally someone saw its significance.

“She won’t leave us alone,” said Jimmy. “She won’t let us do our job.”

“Well,” said Dr. Larsen, “she gave you information that, on the face of it, was worth checking out; and as far as she can see, you didn’t; and you won’t explain why.”

“The commissioner wants to keep a lid on it. He thinks this guy might be a copycat. Says he never heard of a psychopath starting up again, years later, in the same area.”

“Tell the commissioner for me that, if psychos obeyed rules, they wouldn’t be psychos. Unless he had reasons he didn’t want to talk about.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. The point is you don’t seem to be satisfied with knowing you’re doing the best you can. The victim’s sister’s got to see it. I mean, if you desperately need to have everybody approve of you, how the hell are you ever going to arrest anybody?” He glanced at his watch. “Which might be a good thing to think about until next week.”

Jimmy counted out Dr. Larsen’s fee. “I guess Mephistopheles has become kind of our obsession.”

“Then, my bet’s on him.”

“Why?”

“Obsessed people can’t think straight. Try some relaxation when you get to your desk in the morning.”

Jimmy hesitated as he laid a five-dollar bill on the pile. “I noticed you became thoughtful when I told you what she said, like something’d occurred to you.”

“You’ll never give up trying to turn me into a consultant.”

“Did something occur to you?”

“Okay. If I tell you, will you remember it was your idea?”

“Sure.”

“And this is the last time you ask me for advice?”

“Agreed.”

“Then here it is…”

Jimmy went looking for a certain book of photographs, which he found after two difficult days.

That night, he took the book to a certain bar. Helen Dunn s boss scanned the page in which Jimmy was interested and, without prompting, singled out the right man. “This guy. I know I seen him hangin’ around here, botherin’ Helen, not long before it happened.” He scanned the rest of the page. “I recognize some of these other people too; but if you’re lookin’ for someone who was botherin’ her — this guy.”

The rest were dead ends.

The Hugginses slammed the door at the mention of his name.

The owner of the singles bar stared at him. “Seven years ago! I can’t even remember who the hell was here last night.”

Julie McKinnon’s acquaintances were far away by now.

He was wasting time.

Time enough for Patti Bukowski to leave her East Detroit home and her husband of three years, Gil, because things were getting too crazy. Time enough for her to move to a downtown Detroit apartment building to experience being answerable to no one.

She spent the first evening in Hart Plaza on the great, terraced stone structure that overlooked the darkness of the Detroit River.

She was too absorbed in the solitude and the glow of the Windsor skyline at sunset to notice him until he sat beside her.

Patti gave up two and a half weeks later, only partly because she missed Gil.

She was afraid of a man who had seemed so nice at Hart Plaza.

Gil had suggested she wait until tomorrow; but what could be the harm of going home tonight?

“Patti.”

She turned, feeling as if she had just stepped off a thousand-foot cliff. “Oh. Hi.”

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“You’re going back to him, aren’t you?”

She looked for her car key. If she ignored him, he would most likely get the hint.

She did not see him reach into his pocket, take out a small chain, welded to a sinker and two slugs, and raise it over his head.

“Patti,” he cooed.

“What!”

“Hold it right there.” A figure emerged from the shadows, waving a gun at the man. “Up against the car and spread the feet.”

Jimmy Peyton showed her his credentials, read the suspect his rights, and patted him down. He found a switchblade knife, on which flecks of blood were later discovered, and an envelope addressed to Lieutenant Peyton. (It contained a hand-printed note: “Gil Bukowski’s waiting for his wife to come home. He’ll have a long wait. Mephistopheles.”)

“I know this guy,” said Patti.

“So do we. George Welch.”

“I decided,” said Jimmy at his next session with Dr. Larsen, “I’d gotten as far as I could with Welch’s yearbook; and if he was really killing them ’cause they rejected him, like you said, I’d better just shadow him till he made his next move.” He shook his head. “Dad must’ve asked seven years ago about guys they were having trouble with.”

“Pretty girls don’t comment on every guy who gets too persistent; there’s just too many of them. And I doubt Welch’s victims realized how sick he was.”

“But how did you know it was him?”

Dr. Larsen’s face soured. “I didn’t know diddly. I just made some good guesses.

“Like he lied about what he was doing at the scene of the crime, which I hear you cops have a way of considering suspicious. I mean, we’re supposed to believe she was dressed the way you say she was because she expected the kind of guy you say Welch was? Come now.

“And it would answer your father’s question — you know, why would Lucy Welch let Mephistopheles walk right up to her in her own bedroom? — if until recently it’d been his bedroom too.

“But the closest I came to a brilliant deduction like William Powell and Warner Oland and Basil Rathbone in all those old movies was: seven years ago in June, the Mephistopheles murders mysteriously stopped. One month later, Welch turns up at a Fourth of July party, engaged to Lucy. And no sooner does Lucy dump Welch than Mephistopheles comes out of retirement and makes her his next victim. I mean, I wouldn’t hang anybody on that; but it does bear checking out.

“Now that I’ve answered your question, I’ve got one.”

“Okay.”

“Why were you so hung up on this guy?” Jimmy was still trying to formulate an answer when the doctor added, “In other words, how much of you do you see in him?”

He had a way of returning abruptly to the point.

Jim Thompson

The Ripoff: part III

The story thus far: Debt-ridden Britt Rainstar has been given a remunerative writing job by Manuela Aloe, who becomes his lover. After he tells her that he is married and cannot obtain a divorce, dangerous and unaccountable things begin to happen, for which Manuela seems to be responsible. Having been hospitalized after a terrifying attack, Britt is to be sent home under the care of nurse Kay Nolton. But on the day of his discharge his wheelchair is shoved down the hospital steps.

I was back in my hospital room.

Except for being dead, I felt quite well. Oh, I was riddled with aches and twinges and bruises, but it is scientific fact that the dead cannot become so without having some pain. All things are relative, you know. And I knew I was dead, since no man could live — or want to live — with a nose the size of an eggplant.

I could barely see around it, but I got a glimpse of Kay sitting at the side of the door. Her attention was focused on the doctor and Claggett, who stood in the doorway talking quietly. So I focused on them also, relatively speaking, that is.

“… a hell of a kickback on the sedatives, Sergeant A kind of cumulative kickback, I’d say, reoccurring over the last several days. You may have noticed a rambling, seriocomic speech pattern, a tendency to express alarm and worry through preposterous philosophizing?”

“Hmmm. He normally does a lot of that, Doctor.”

“Yes. An inability to cope, I suspect. But the sedatives seem to have carried the thing full circle. Defense became offense, possibly in response to this morning’s crisis. It could have kept him from being killed by the accident.”

My head suddenly cleared. The gauzy fogginess which had hung over everyone and everything was ripped away. And despite the enormous burden of my nose, I sat up.

Kay, Claggett, and the doctor immediately converged upon my bed.

I held up my hand and said, “Please, gentlemen and lady. Please do not ask me how I feel.”

“You might tell us?” the doctor chuckled. “And you don’t want to see us cry.”

“Second please,” I said, and I again held up my band. “Please don’t joke with me. It might destroy the little sense of humor I have left. Also, and believe you me, I m in no damned mood for jokes or kidding. I’ve had my moments of that, but that’s passed. And I contemplate no more of it for the foreseeable future.”

“I imagine you’re in quite a bit of pain,” the doctor said quietly. “Nurse, will you—”

“No,” I said. “I can survive the pain. What I want right now is a large pot of coffee.”

“Have it after you’ve rested. You really should rest, Mr. Rainstar.”

I said I was sure he was right. But I’d prefer rest that wasn’t drug induced, and I felt well enough to wait for it. “I want to talk to Sergeant Claggett, too,” I said, “and I can’t do it if I’m doped.”

The doctor glanced at Claggett, and Jeff nodded. “I won’t let him overdo it, Doc.”

“Good enough, then,” the doctor said. “If he can make it on his own, I’m all for it.”

He left, and Kay got the coffee for me. It did a little more for me than I needed doing, making my overalerted nerves cry out for something to calm them. But I fought the desire down, indicating to Claggett that I was ready to talk.

“I don’t think I can tell you anything, though,” I said. “I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think I was in a kind of dream state. I mean, everything seemed to be out of kilter, but not in a way that I couldn’t accept.”

“It didn’t jar you when you were shoved forward? That seemed okay to you?”

“I wasn’t aware that I had been shoved forward. My feeling was that things had been shoved away from me, not me from them. I didn’t begin to straighten out until I shot through those doors, and I wasn’t completely unfogged when I went down the steps.”

“Damn!” Claggett frowned at me. “But people were passing all around you. You must—”

“No,” I said, “they weren’t. Almost no one comes and goes through that front entrance, and I’m sure that no one did during the time I was there…”

Kay said quickly, a little anxiously, that my recollection was right. I was out of the way of passersby, which was why she had left me there in the entrance area.

Claggett looked at her, and his look was extremely cold.

Kay seemed to wilt under it, and Claggett turned back to me. “Yes, Britt? Something else?”

“Nothing helpful, I’m afraid. I know that people passed behind me. I could hear them and occasionally see their shadows. But I never saw any of them.”

Claggett grimaced, said that he apparently didn’t live right. Or something.

“Everything points to the fact that someone tried to kill you, or made a damned good stab at it. But since no one saw anyone, maybe there wasn’t anyone. Maybe it was just an evil spirit or a malign force or something of the kind. Isn’t that what you think, Nolton?”

“No, sir.” Kay bit her lip. “What I think — I know — is that I should have taken Mr. Rainstar with me when I went to the admitting desk. You warned me not to leave him untended, and I shouldn’t have done it, and I’m very sorry that I did.”

“Did you see anyone go near Mr. Rainstar?”

“No, sir. Well, yes, I may have. That’s a pretty busy place, the lobby and desk area, and people would just about have to pass in Mr. Rainstar’s vicinity.”

“But they made no impression on you? Wouldn’t remember what they looked like?”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Kay said, just a wee bit snappishly. “How could I, anyway? They were just a lot of people like you see anywhere.”

“One of ’em wasn’t,” said Claggett. “But let it go. I believe I told you — but I’ll tell you again since you seem pretty forgetful — that Mr. Rainstar has been seriously harassed, and that an attempt might be made on his life. I also told you — but I’ll tell you again — that Miss Aloe is not above suspicion in the matter. We do not believe she would be directly responsible, although she could be, but rather as an employer of others. Do you think you can remember that, Miss Nolton?”

“Yes, sir.” Kay bobbed her head meekly. “I’ll remember.”

“I should hope so. I certainly hope so.” Claggett allowed a little warmth to come into his frosty blue eyes. “Now, you do understand, Nolton, that you could get hurt on this job. You’d represent a danger or an obstacle to the people who are out to get him, and you could get hurt bad. You might even get killed.”

“Yes, sir,” said Kay. “I understand that.”

“And you still want the job?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why?”

“Sir?”

“You heard me, Nolton!” Claggett leaned forward, his eyes stabbing into her like blue icicles. “Jobs aren’t that hard to get for a registered nurse. They aren’t hard to get, period. So why are you so damned anxious to have this one? A first-class chance to screw yourself up? Well, what’s the answer? Why—”

“I’m trying to tell you, Sergeant! If you’ll just—”

“You some kind of a bum or something? A nut? Too dumb or shiftless to make out on a regular job? Or maybe you’re working an angle, hmmm. You’re a plant. You’re going to do a job on Britt yourself.”

Kay was trembling all over. Her face had turned from white to red to a mixture of the two, and now it was a beautiful combination flushed cream and reddish-streaked pastels.

Her mouth opened, and I braced myself for a yell. But she spoke very quietly, with only a slight shakiness hinting at the anger which she must have felt.

“I want the job, Sergeant Claggett, for two reasons. One is that I like Mr. Rainstar. I like him very much, and I want to help him.”

“Thank you, Kay,” I mumbled — I had to say something, didn’t I? — stealing a glance at Claggett. “I, uh, like you, too.”

“Thank you, Mr. Rainstar. The second reason I want the job, Sergeant Claggett, is because I’m not sure I belong in nursing. I want to find out whether I do or not before it’s too late to change to another field. So…

So she wanted to take what would probably be the toughest job she would ever encounter as a nurse. If she could measure up to it, fine. If not, well, that was also all right She would either make or break quickly. Her mind would be made up for her, and without any prolonged wavering, any mental seesawing.

“Those are my reasons for wanting the job, Sergeant Claggett. I hope they’re enough, because I can’t give you any others.”

Kay finished speaking, sat very straight and dignified in her chair, hands folded primly in her lap. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her. But I had felt that way before, with results that were not always happy for me. Except for that pleasant weakness, I would not be where I was now, with a nose which I could barely see around.

Claggett scrubbed his jaw thoughtfully, then cocked a brow at me. I cocked one at him, making it tit for tat. He grinned at me narrowly, acknowledging my studiously equivocal position.

“Well, now, young woman,” he said, “a fine speech like that must have taken a lot out of you. Suppose you take a relief or have lunch, and come back in about an hour?”

“Well” — Kay stood hesitantly — “I really don’t mind waiting, Sergeant. In fact—”

“I want to talk to Mr. Rainstar privately. Some other business. We’ll settle this job matter when you get back.”

“I see. Well, whatever you say, sir.”

Kay nodded to us, and left.

Claggett stretched his legs in front of him, and said he was glad to get that out of the way. “Now, to pick up on your accident—”

“Just a minute, Jeff,” I said. “You said we had that out of the way. You’re referring to Nurse Nolton’s employment?”

“Let it ride, will you?” He gestured impatiently. “I was going to tell you that I dropped in on PXA this morning. Just a routine visit, you know, to tell them about the accident to their favorite employee.”

“Well?” I said.

“Pat was pretty shook up about it. Reacted about the same as he did on my first visit. Kind of worried and angry, you know, like he might get hurt by a mess he wasn’t responsible for. Then he turned sort of foxy and clammed up. Because — as I read him — he knew we’d have a hell of a time proving anything against his niece, even though she had ordered the hit.”

“Yes?” I frowned. “How do you mean?”

“She’s in the hospital, Britt. Saint Christopher’s. She’s been there since just before midnight last night. Two highly reputable doctors in attendance, and they’re not giving out any information nor allowing any visitors.”

I gulped, blinked at him stupidly. I moved my nose out of the way, and had a small drink of water.

“Quite a coincidence, wouldn’t you say, Britt?” He winked at me narrowly. “Kind of an unusual alibi, but she’s kind of an unusual girl.”

“Maybe she really is sick,” I said. “She could be.”

“So she could.” Claggett shrugged. “It’s practically a cinch that she is, in that hospital with those doctors. But that doesn’t keep it from being a very convenient time to be sick. She could’ve set the deal up, then put herself well out of the way of it with a nice, legitimate sickness.”

“Oh, well, yeah.” I nodded slowly. “A fake attempt at suicide. Or an appendicitis attack — acute but simulated.”

“Possibly, but not necessarily,” Claggett said, and then pointed out that Manny had been under a great deal of nervous stress. She had concealed it, but this itself had added to the tension. Finally, after doing that which only she could do, she had collapsed with exhaustion.

“It’s my guess that she did pretty much the same thing, after her husband’s death. About the only difference is that she needed more time to recuperate then, and she went into seclusion.”

I said that killing her husband would certainly have put a lot of strain on her. But where was the evidence that she had killed him? He was only one of many who had died during the hurricane.

“Right,” said Claggett, “but the other deaths were all from drowning or being buried under the wreckage. Her husband apparently was killed by flying timbers; in other words, he was out in the open at the time the hurricane struck. Of course, he could have been, and might have been. But…”

He broke off and spread his hands expressively. I wet my lips nervously, then brushed a hand against them.

“I see what you mean,” I said. “She could have battered the hell out of him, beaten him to death. Then dragged his body outside.”

“That’s what I mean,” said Claggett.

From the hallway, there came the muted clatter of dishes, the faint aromas of the noon meals. They were not exactly appetite-stimulating; and I had to swallow down nausea as Claggett and I continued our conversation.

“Jeff,” I said at last. “I just don’t see how I can go through with this. How the hell can I, under the circumstances?”

“You mean, seeing Miss Aloe?”

“Of course, that’s what I mean! I can’t do the pamphlets without seeing her. I’ll have to confer with her more or less regularly.”

“Well…” Claggett sighed, then shrugged. “If you can’t, you can’t.”

“Oh, hell,” I said miserably. “Naturally, I’ll go through with it. I’ve got no choice.”

“Good! Good!” he said. “Let’s hope you can get out of here within the next few days. The doctors tell me that aside from your nose, and your nerves, and—”

“There’s nothing they can do for me here that can’t be done at home,” I said. “And I want to get out of here. No later than tomorrow morning. This place is dangerous. It makes me nervous. A lot of people die in hospitals.”

Claggett chuckled knowingly. “Here we go again, hmm? You just take it easy, my friend. Calm down, and pull yourself together.”

I said I wasn’t being nutty, dammit. The hospital was dangerous, which had damn well been proved in my case. There were too many people around, and it was simply impossible to ward them off or to check on all of them.

“At home, I won’t have more than two visitors at most. Manny and, possibly, Pat Aloe. Only those two — only one of them, actually — will be all that have to be watched. I say that’s a hell of a lot better than the way it is here.”

Claggett deliberated briefly, and agreed with me. “If it’s all right with the doctors, it’s all right with me,” he said, getting to his feet. “I’ll be going now, but I’ll be in touch.”

“Wait a minute,” I said. “What about the nurse?”

“What? Oh, yes, she almost slipped my mind. Hadn’t decided about her yet, had I?”

“No, you hadn’t. You were going to talk to her when she came back from lunch.”

“Uh-huh. Well” — he glanced at his watch — “I’m going to have to go now. I’ll talk to her on the way out.”

He left before I could ask what he was going to say to her. But when she came in a few minutes later, I learned that he had okayed her for the job — but not very pleasantly.

“The very idea!” she said indignantly. “Saying he’d go after my hide if anything happened to you! I’d just like to see him try, dam him!”

“Don’t say that,” I said. “Bite your tongue, Kay.”

She looked blank, then caught my meaning and laughed. “I didn’t think how that sounded, Britt. Naturally, he isn’t going to try because nothing is going to happen to you.”

My lunch tray was brought in. Consommé with toast, vanilla custard, and tea. It looked reasonably good to me, but I ate almost none of it. I couldn’t. After a couple of sips of tea, I suddenly went to sleep.

Claggett called me that night to say that I would be checking out of the hospital in the morning. He told me the conditions under which I would be checking out and going from the hospital to my home. I listened, stunned, then sputtered profane objections.

He laughed uproariously. “But you just think about it, Britt. Think it over, and it doesn’t sound so crazy, does it? Sure, it’s his own idea, and I say it’s a good one. You couldn’t be any safer in your mother’s arms.”

I said that wasn’t very safe. My mother, the first woman judge of the State Circuit Court, had taken to the sauce harder than Dad.

“Thе poor old biddy dropped me on my head more times than she was overturned, and, believe me, they didn’t call her Reverse-Decision Rainstar for nothing.”

“Aaah, she wasn’t that bad.” Claggett chuckled.

But what do you think about this other? It’s the safest way, right?”

“Right,” I said.

Kay Nolton and I left the hospital next morning in the company of Pat Aloe and two very tough-looking guards. I don’t know whether Pat was armed or not, but the guards carried shotguns.

A very large black limousine with a uniformed chauffeur was waiting at the side entrance for us. I got into the backseat between the two guards. Kay rode in front between Pat and the chauffeur. Pat jabbed a finger at him, and nodded to me.

“This is the character that was supposed to have picked you up at the restaurant that night two, three months ago, Britt. Too damned stupid to do what he’s told, but who the hell ain’t these days?”

The man grinned sheepishly. Pat scowled at him for a moment, then turned his gaze on Kay. Looked at her long and thoughtfully.

She jerked her head around suddenly, and looked at him.

“Yes?” she said. “Something wrong?”

“I’ve seen you before,” he said. “Where was it?”

“Nowhere. You’re mistaken.”

“You guys back there! Where have I seen her?”

The guards leaned forward, examined Kay meticulously. They made a big business out of squinting at her, stroking their chins with pseudo-shrewdness, and the like — a pantomime of great minds at work. Pat put an end to the charade with a rude order to knock it off, for Nellie’s sake.

“What about you, Johnnie?” — to the chauffeur; and then, disgustedly, “Ahh, why do I ask? You’re as stupid as these guys.”

“Mister Aloe!” Kay heaved a sigh of exaggerated exasperation. “We have not met before! I would certainly remember it if we had!”

I murmured for her to take it easy, also quietly suggesting to Pat that the subject was hardly worth pursuing. He glanced at me absently, not seeming to hear what I had said.

“I never forget a face, Britt, baby. Ask anyone that knows me.”

“You sure don’t, Mr. Aloe! Not never ever!”

“I don’t know where or when it was. But I’ve seen her, and I’ll remember.”

He let it go at that, facing back around in the seat. Kay gave me a smile of thanks for my support in the rearview. I smiled back at her, then shifted my gaze. What difference did it make whether he had or hadn’t seen her? And why should I be again starting to feel that creeping uneasiness in my stomach?

Pat took an envelope from his pocket and handed it to me. It was the bonus check I had so foolishly given back to Manny, and I accepted it gratefully. The money would keep Connie off my back indefinitely, relieving me of at least one of my major worries.

We arrived at the house. The guards and the chauffeur remained with the car while Pat accompanied Kay and me inside. As she preceded us up the steps, he told me sotto voce that I should have a salary check coming pretty soon, and that he would see to it and anything else that needed taking care of, in case Manny wasn’t available.

I said that was very nice of him, and how was Manny getting along? “I hope she’s not seriously ill?”

“Naah, nothing like it,” he grunted. “Just been working too hard, I guess. Got herself run down and picked up a touch of flu.”

“Well, give her my best,” I said. “And thanks very much for seeing me safely home.”

I held out my hand tentatively. He said he’d go in the house with me if I didn’t mind. “Reckon you’ll want to check in with the sergeant, and let him know you got here all right.”

“I’ll do that,” I said, “and you can let him know that you got here all right.”

He gave me a puzzled look and said, Huh? And I said, Never mind, to forget it; and rang the doorbell.

I rang it several times, but there was no response from Mrs. Olmstead. So, finally, I unlocked the door, and we went in.

She was in the kitchen talking on the telephone. Hearing us enter the house, she hurriedly concluded her call and came into the living room, carrying the phone with her and almost becoming entangled in its long extension cord.

I took it from her, introducing her to Kay and Pat as I dialed Claggett’s number. They grimaced briefly at one another, mumbling inconsequentialities, and I reported in to Jeff and then passed the phone to Pat. He did as I did, and hung up the receiver.

I walked Pat to the door. As we stood there for a moment, shaking hands and exchanging the usual polite pleasantries customary to departures and arrivals, he looked past me to Kay, eyes narrowing reflectively. He was obviously trying to remember where he had seen her before, and was, just as obviously, disturbed by his inability to do so. Fortunately, however, he left without giving voice to his thoughts; and I started back to the living room. I stopped short of it, in the entrance foyer, listening to the repartee between Kay Nolton and Mrs. Olmstead.

“Now, Mrs. Olmstead. All I said was that the house needs a good airing out, and it most certainly does!”

“Doesn’t neither! Who’re you to be giving me orders, anyway?”

“You know very well who I am — Yve told you several times. My job is to help Mr. Rainstar recover his health, which means that he must have fresh air to breathe—”

“HE’S GOT FRESH AIR!”

“—clean, wholesome, well-prepared meals—”

“THATS THE ONLY KIND I FIX!”

“—and plenty of peace and quiet.”

“WHY DON’T YOU BUTT OUT THEN?”

I turned quietly away, and went silently up the stairs. I went into my room, stretched out on the bed and closed my eyes. I kept them closed, too, breathing gently and otherwise simulating sleep, when they came noisily up the steps to secure my services as arbitrator.

They left grudgingly, without disturbing me, each noisily shushing the other. I got up, visited the bathroom to dab cold water on my nose, then stretched out on the bed again.

I suppose I should have known that there would be friction between any woman as stubbornly sloppy as Mrs. Olmstead and one who was not only red-haired but as patently hygienic and scrubbed-looking as Kay Nolton. I suppose that I should also have known that I would be caught in the middle of the dispute, since, like the legendary hapless Pierre, unpleasantness was always catching me in the middle of it. What I should not have supposed, I suppose, was that I would have known what the crud to do about it. Because about all I ever had known to do about something inevitably turned out to be the wrong thing.

So there you were, and here I was, and the air did smell pretty foul, but then it never did smell very good. And I was rather worn out from too much exercise, following no exercise at all, so I went to sleep.

I went to work on a pamphlet the next morning. I kept at it, at first turning out nothing but pointless drivel. But, then, inspiration came to me, and my interest rose higher and higher, and the pages flowed from my typewriter.

It was a day over two weeks before I saw Manny. It was a Friday, her first day out of the hospital, and she came out to the house as soon as she had gone to Mass. She had lost weight, and it had been taken from her face. But she had a good color, having sunned frequently in the hospital’s solarium, and the thinning of her face gave a quality of spirituality to her beauty it had lacked before.

She—

But hold it! Hold it right there! I have gone way ahead of myself, skimming over events which should certainly deserve telling.

To take things in reasonably proper order (or as much as their frequent impropriety will allow):

I worked. I badly wanted to work, and I am a very hard guy to distract when I am that way. When I was distracted, as, of course, I soon was, I dealt with the distraction — Kay and Mrs. Olmstead — with exceptional shrewdness and diplomacy, thus keeping my time-waste minimal.

I explained to Mrs. Olmstead that it was only fair that Kay should take over the cooking and certain other chores since she, Mrs. Olmstead, was terribly overworked, and certain changes in household routine were necessary due to my illness.

“The doctors have forbidden me to leave the house, and Miss Nolton is required to stay in the house with me at all times. She can’t order up a taxi, as you can, and go shopping and buy ice cream sodas and, oh, a lot of things, like you’ll be doing for me. I doubt if she could do it, even if she was allowed to leave the house. But I trust you, Mrs. Olmstead. I know you’ll do the job right. So I’m putting a supply of money in the telephone-stand drawer, and you can help yourself to whatever you need. And if any problems do arise, I know you’ll know how to handle them, without any advice from me.”

That disposed of Mrs. Olmstead — almost. She could not quite accept what was a very good thing for her without a grumbled recital of complaints against me — principally, my occasional failure to mail her letters, or to “do something” about a possible invasion by rats. Still, I was sure she would cooperate, since she had no good reason to do otherwise, and I said as much to Kay.

She said flatly that I didn’t know what I was talking about, then hastily apologized for the statement.

“I’m here to help you, Britt, To make things as easy for you as possible. And I’m afraid I’ve added to the strain you’ve been under by letting Mrs. Olmstead provoke me into quarreling with her. I — No, wait now, please!” She held up a hand as I started to interrupt. “I’ve been at least partly at fault, and I’m sorry, and I’ll try to do better from now on. I’ll humor Mrs. Olmstead. I’ll consult her. I’ll do what has to be done without being obtrusive about it — making it seem like a rebuke to her. But I don’t think it’ll do any good. I’ve seen too many other people like her. They have a very keen sense of their privileges and rights, but they’re blind to their obligations. They’re constantly criticizing others, but they never do anything wrong themselves. Not to hear them tell it. I think she spells trouble, Britt, regardless of what you do or I do. For your own good, I think you should fire her.”

“But I need her,” I said. “She has to do the shopping for us.”

“You can order whatever we need. Have it delivered.”

“Well, uh, there are other things besides shopping. Anyway… anyway…”

“Yes?”

“Well, it wouldn’t seem quite right for us to be alone in the house. Just the two of us, I mean. It just wouldn’t be right, now, would it?”

“Why not?” said Kay; and as I hesitated, fumbling for words, she said curtly, “All right, Britt. You’re too softhearted to get rid of her, and I probably wouldn’t like you as much as I do if you weren’t that way. So I’ll say no more about it. Mrs. Olmstead stays, and I just hope you’re not sorry.”

She left my office, leaving me greatly relieved as I returned to my work. Glad that I had not had to explain why I did not want to live alone in the house with her. I had no concrete reason to suspect her, or, rather, to be afraid of her. Nothing at all but the uneasy doubts planted in mind by Claggett and Pat Aloe. Still, I knew I would be more comfortable with a third person present. And I was very happy to have managed it without a lot of fussing and fuming.

The pamphlet I was doing was on soil erosion, a subject I had shied away from in the past. I was afraid I would be inadequate to such an important topic with so many facets; i.e., flood, drouth, wand, and irresponsible agricultural practices. Somehow, however, I had found the courage to plunge into the job and persist at it, meeting its challenges instead of veering or backing away — my customary reaction when confronted with the difficult. And I had advanced to its approximate halfway point when I looked up one afternoon to find Kay smiling at me from the doorway.

I stood up automatically, and started to unbuckle my belt. But she laughed and said we could dispense with the vitamin shot today.

“Just let me get your pulse and your temperature,” she said, and proceeded to get them. “You’re doing very well, Britt. Working hard and apparently enjoying it.”

I agreed that I was doing both, adding that I was going to be very irritated if I was finished off before the job was finished.

“Well, then, I do solemnly swear to keep you alive,” she said piously. “Not that I know why it’s so important, but…”

I told her to sit down, and I would give her a hint of its importance. Which she did, and I did.

It was as important as life itself, I said. In fact, it was life. Yet we sat around on our butts, uncaring, while it was slowly being stolen from us.

“Do you know that three-fourths of this state’s top-soil has been washed away, blown away, or just by-God pooped away? Do you know that an immeasurable but dangerously tragic amount of its subsoil has gone the same route? Given a millennium and enough million millions, you can replace the topsoil, but once the subsoil’s gone, it’s gone forever. In other words, you’ve got nothing to grow crops on, and nothing—” I broke off, paused a moment. “In other words,” I said, “it stinks. Thanks for being so graphic.”

She looked at me absently, nose crinkled with distaste. Then, she suddenly came alive, stammering embarrassed apologies.

“Please forgive me, Britt. It sounds terribly interesting, and you must tell me more. But what is that awful smell? It stinks like, well, I don’t know what! It’s worse than anything I’ve smelled before in this house, and that’s really saying something!”

I said I had noticed nothing much worse than usual. I also said I had a lot of work to do, and that I was anxious to get back to it.

“Now, Britt—” She got to her feet. “I’m sorry, and I’ll run right along. Can I do anything for you before I go?”

Mollified, I said that, as a matter of fact, she could do something. There were some USD A brochures in the top drawer of my topmost filing cabinet, and if she would hold a chair while I climbed up on it, I would dance at her wedding or render any other small favor to her.

“You just stay right where you are,” she said firmly. “I’ll do any climbing that’s done around here!”

She dragged a chair over to the stack of files, hiked her skirt, and stepped up on the chair. Standing on tiptoe, she edged out the top file drawer and reached inside. She fumbled blindly inside, trying to grasp the documents inside. And, then, suddenly, she gasped and her face went livid.

For a moment, I thought she was going to topple from the chair, and I jumped up and started toward her. But she motioned me back with a grim jerk of her head, then jumped down from the chair, white-faced with anger.

She was holding a large, dead rat by the tail. Without a word she marched out of the room, and, by the sound of things, disposed of it in the rear-porch garbage can. She returned to my office, stopping on the way to scrub her hands at the kitchen sink.

“All right, Britt—” she confronted me again “—I hope you’re going to do something now!”

“Yes, I am,” I said. “I’m going to go up to my room, and lie down.”

“Britt! What are you going to do about that awful woman?”

“Now, Kay,” I said. “That rat could have crawled in there and died. You know it could! Why—”

Kay said she knew it could not. The rat’s head had been smashed. It had been killed, then put in the file.

“The shock of finding it could have killed you, Britt. Or if you were standing on a chair, you could have fallen and broken your neck! I just can’t allow this kind of thing to go on, Britt. I’m responsible, and — You’ve got to fire her!”

I pointed out that I couldn’t fire Mrs. Olmstead. Not, at least, until she returned from shopping. I pointed out — rather piteously — that I was not at all well. This in the opinion of medical experts.

“Now, please help me up to my bed. I implore you, Kay Nolton.”

She did so, though irritably. Then, looking up at her from the pillow, I smiled at her and took one of her hands in mine. I said that perhaps she would not mind discussing Mrs. Olmstead when I was feeling better — say, tomorrow or the next day or, perhaps, the day after that. And I gave her a small pinch on the thigh.

She drew back skittishly, but not without a certain coyness. Which was all right with me. I wanted only to avoid a problem — Mrs. Olmstead — not to walk into another one. But Kay had her wants as well as I. And to get one must give. So when she said that she had to go to her room for a moment but would be right back, I told her I would count on it.

“I’ll hold your place for you,” I promised. “I’ll also move over on the bed, in case you want to sit down, in case you cannot think of a more comfortable position than sitting.”

Well.

When we heard Mrs. Olmstead return an hour later, we were locked together as the blissful beast-with-two-heads. We sprang apart, and she trotted into the bathroom ahead of me, her white uniform drawn high upon her sweet nakedness. I used the sink, while she sat on the toilet, tinkling pleasantly. And then I went over to her and hugged her red head against my stomach, and she nuzzled and kissed its environs in unashamed womanliness.

I congratulated myself.

For once, Britton Rainstar, I thought, you bridged a puddle without putting your foot down in stinky stuff. You’ve closed the door to debates on Mrs. Olmstead. Without compromising yourself, you’ve had a nice time and given same to a very nice young lady.

That’s what I thought — and why not?

I nourished that thought, while I returned to bed and Kay went downstairs to prepare my dinner. It began to glimmer away, due to a kind of bashful shyness of manner as she served said dinner to me. And at bedtime, when she came into my room in an old-fashioned, unrevealing flannel, lips trembling, eyes downcast, a pastel symphony of embarrassment — bingo. The sound was the sound of my comforting thought leaping out the window.

But I didn’t think of that then. All I could think of was drawing her down into my arms and holding her tight and trying to pet away her sadness.

“You won’t like me anymore, now,” she sobbed brokenheartedly. “You think I’m awful, now. You think I’m not a nice girl, now…” And so on, until I thought my heart was breaking, too.

“Please, please don’t cry, darling,” I pleaded. “Please don’t, baby girl. Of course I like you. Of course I think you’re a nice girl. Of course I think — I don’t think you’re awful.”

But she continued to weep and sob. Oh, she didn’t blame me. Not for a moment! She knew I was married, so it was all her fault. But men never did like you afterwards. There was this intern, and she’d liked him a lot and he’d kept after her, and finally she’d done it with him. And he’d told everyone in this hospital that she did it, and they’d all laughed and thought she was awful. Then there was this obstetrician she d worked for, a wonderfully sweet, considerate man — but after she did it with him a while, he must have thought she was awful (and not very nice, either) because he decided not to get a divorce after all. Then there was this—

“Well, pee on all of them!” I broke in. “Doing it is one of the very nicest things girls do, and any guy who wouldn’t treat her nice afterwards would doubtless eat dog hockey in Hammacher Schlemmer’s side window.”

She giggled, then sniffled and giggled simultaneously. She asked if she could ask me something, and then she asked it.

“Would you — I know you can’t, because you’re already married — but would you, if you weren’t? I mean, you wouldn’t think I was too awful to marry, just because I did it?”

“You asked me something, my precious love pot,” I said, “so let me tell you something. If I was not married — and please note that I use the verb ‘was,’ not were,’ since ‘were’ connotes the wildly impractical or impossible, as in ‘If I were you,’ and no one but a pretentious damned fool would say, ‘If I were not married’ because that’s not only possible but, in my case, a lousy actuality. But, uh, what was the question?”

“Would you marry me if you were not — I mean, was not — already married?”

“The answer is absotively, and, look, dear. ‘Were’ is proper when prefixed by the pronoun ‘you.’ That’s one of those exceptions—”

“You really would, Britt? Honestly? You wouldn’t think I was too awful to marry?”

“Let me put it this way, my dearest dear,” I said. “I would not only marry you, and consider myself the luckiest and most honored of men, but after God’s blessing had been called down upon our union and the minister had given me permission to raise your bridal veil, I would raise your bridal gown instead, and I would shower kisses of gratitude all over your cute little butt.”

She heaved a great shuddery sigh. Then, her head resting cozily against my chest, she asked had I really meant what I had said.

“My God,” I said indignantly, “would I make such a statement if I didn’t mean it?”

“I mean, honest and truly.”

“Oh,” I said. “So that’s what you mean.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I cannot tell a lie,” I said. “Thus, my answer must be, yes: honest and truly, and a pail of wild honey with brown sugar on it.”

She fell asleep in my arms, the untroubled sleep of an innocent child; and flights of angels must have guided her into it, for her smile was the smile of heaven’s own.

I brushed my lips against her hair, thinking that everyone should know such peace and happiness. Wondering why they didn’t when it was so easily managed. The ingredients were to be found in everyone’s cupboard, or the cupboard which everyone is, and you could put them together as easily as you could button your britches. All that was necessary was to combine any good brand of kindness and any standard type of goodwill, plus a generous dab of love; then, shake well and serve. There you had peace and happiness — beautifully personified by this sleeping angel in my arms.

Without disturbing her, I shifted my position ever so slightly, and I took another look at her.

And I thought: I have seen Manny sleep like this, too. Manny, who thus far has done everything but kill me and doubtless plans to do just that.

Then, I thought: Connie looked thus also, for God’s sake! The homeliest, scrawniest broad in the world has at least a moment of surpassing beauty, else a majority of the world’s female population would go unscrewed and unmarried. And I thought that Connie would probably like to kill me, and quite likely would do so if she knew how to safely wangle it.

And I thought: And how about Kay, this lovely child? For all I know about her — or DON’T know about her — she, too, could have my murder on her mind. Yea, verily, even while screwing me, she could be plotting my slaughter. Perhaps she would see my death as atonement for her misuse by guys who had used her. Guys who thought she was awful and not a nice girl just because she did it.

Finally, in that prescient moment preceding sleep, I thought: Congratulations, Rainstar. You have done it again. A very small puddle was in your path, one that you could have walked through without dampening your shoe soles. Yet you shrank — you chronic shrinker! — from even that small hazard. You must spring over the literal wet spot in your walkway, and that mess you came down in on the other side was definitely not a beehive.

Manny came out to the house the next day.

She looked very beautiful. Her illness has left her even lovelier than she had been, and… But I believe we’ve already covered that. So let us move on.

I was naturally pretty wary, and she also was on guard. We exchanged greetings stiffishly, and moved on to a stilted exchange of conversational banalities. With that behind us, I think we were on the point of breaking the ice when Kay popped in with the coffee service. She declared brightly that she just knew that we two convalescents would feel better after a good cup of coffee, and she poured and passed a cup to each of us.

Manny barely tasted hers, and said it was very good.

I tasted mine, and also lied about it.

Kay said she would just wait until we finished it, by which time doubtless, since I was not feeling very well, Miss Aloe would want to leave. Manny promptly put her cup down, and stood up.

“I’ll leave right now, Britt. It was thoughtless of me to come out so soon, so—”

“Sit down,” I said. “I am quite well, and I’m sure that neither of us wants any more of this coffee. So please remove it, Miss Nolton, and leave Miss Aloe and me to conduct our business in private.”

Manny said timidly that she would be glad to come back another time. But I told her again to sit down, and she sat. Kay snatched up the coffee things and dumped to the door. She turned around there, addressing me with sorrowful reproach.

“I was just doing my job, Mr. Rainstar. I’m responsible for your health, you know.”

“I know,” I said, “and I’m grateful.”

“It would be easier for me if I wasn’t so conscientious. My salary would be the same, and it would be a lot easier for me, if I didn’t do—”

“I’d better leave,” said Manny, picking up her purse.

“And I think you’d better not!” I said. “I think Miss Nolton had better leave — right this minute!”

Kay left, slamming the door behind her. I smiled apologetically at Manny.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “She’s a very nice young woman, and she’s very good at her job. But sometimes…”

“Mmm. I’ll just bet she is!” Manny said, and then, with a small diffident gesture, “I want to tell you something, and it’s, well, not easy for me. Could you come a little closer, please?”

“Of course,” I said, and I moved over to her side on the love seat. I waited, and her lips parted, then closed again. And she looked at me helplessly, apparently unable to find the words for what she wanted to say.

I told her gently to take her time, we had all the time in the world; and then, by way of easing her tenseness, I asked her if she remembered the last time we had been in this room together.

“It was months ago, and I thought I’d lost the pamphlet-writing job before I even had it. So I was sitting here with my head in my hands, feeling sorry as hell for myself. And I wasn’t aware that you’d come into the room until—”

“Of course, I remember!” She clapped her hands delightedly. “You looked like this—” She puffed her cheeks out and rolled her eyes inward in a hilarious caricature of despair. “That’s just the way you looked, darling. And then I said…”

“Lo, the poor Indian.”

“Lo, the poor Indian,” she chimed in unison.

We laughed and smiled at each other. She took my month’s retainer from her purse and gave it to me, and we went on smiling at one another. And she spoke to me in a voice as soft and tender as her smile.

“Poor Lo. How are you, my dearest darling?”

“Well, you know” — I shrugged — “for a guy who’s been shot out of the saddle a few times, not bad, not bad at all.”

“I’m sorry, Britt. Terribly, terribly sorry. That’s what I was trying to tell you. I haven’t been myself. At least, I hope the self I’ve been showing wasn’t the real Manuela Aloe, but I’m going to be all right now. I–I—”

“Of course, you’re going to be all right,” I said. “I pulled a lousy trick on you, and you paid me off for it. So now we’re all even Stephen.”

“Nothing more will happen to you, Britt! I swear it won’t!”

“Didn’t I just say so?” I said. “Now, be a nice girl and say no more about it, and start reading these beautiful words I’ve written for you.”

She said, “All right, Britt,” swallowing heavily, eyes shining too brightly. Then the tears brimmed over, and she began to weep silently, and I hastily looked away. Because I’d never known what to do when a woman started crying, and I particularly didn’t know what to do when the woman was Manny.

“Aah, Britt,” she said tremulously. “How could I ever have been mean to anyone as nice as you?”

“Doggone it, everyone keeps asking me that!” I said. “And what the heck can I tell them?”

She laughed tearily. She said, “Britt, oh, Britt, my darling!” and then she broke down completely, great sobs tearing through her body.

I held her and patted her head, and that sort of thing. I took out my breast-pocket handkerchief and dabbed her eyes, and honked her nose in it. Conscious that there was something a little nutty about performing such chores for a girl who had almost killed me, even though she hadn’t meant to. Conscious that I again might be playing the chump, and, at the moment, not really caring if I was.

I crossed to my desk, and began putting the pages I had written into an envelope. I took my time about it, giving her time to pull herself together. Rattling on with some backhanded kidding to brighten things up.

“Now, hear me,” I said. “I don’t want you looking like this — bawling and honking your schnozzle and being so disgustingly messy. Us Noble Redmen don’t put up with such white-eye tricks, get me, you silly squaw?”

“G-gotcha…” A small and shaky snicker. “Silly squaw always gets Noble Redman.”

“Well, I just hope you’re not speaking with a forked tongue,” I said. “These are very precious words, lovingly typed on top-grade erasable-bond paper, and God pity you if you louse them up.”

“All right, Britt…”

She did sound like she was, so I turned back around. I helped her up from the love seat, gave her a small pat on the bottom, and pressed the envelope into her hands. As I walked her to the front door, I told her a little about the manuscript and said that I would look forward to hearing from her about it. She said that I would, no later than the day after the morrow.

“No, wait a minute,” she said. “Today’s Friday, isn’t it?”

“All day, I believe.”

“Let’s make it Monday, then. I’ll see you Monday.”

“No one should ever see anyone on Monday,” I said. “Let’s make it Tuesday.”

We settled on a Tuesday p.m. meeting. Pausing at the front door, she glanced out to where her own car stood in the driveway and asked what had happened to mine. “I hope the company hasn’t pulled another boo-boo and come out and gotten it, Britt. After all the stupid mix-ups we’ve had in the past, that would be a little too much.”

“No, no,” I said. “Everything is as it should be. I believe that exposure to the elements is good for a car, helps it to grow strong and tough, you know. But since I haven’t been using it these several weeks, I locked it up in the garage.”

“Yes?” She looked up at me curiously. “But you get out a little bit, don’t you? You don’t stay in the house all the time?”

“That’s what I do,” I said. “Doctor’s orders. I think it’s pretty extreme, but…” I shrugged, leaving the sentence unfinished.

Again, she gave me a curious frown. “Very strange,” she murmured, a slight chill coming into her voice. “I was certain that the doctors would want you to get a little fresh air and sunshine.”

I said that, Oh, well, she knew how doctors were, knowing that it sounded pretty feeble. Actually, of course, it was not the doctors but Claggett who had absolutely forbidden me to leave the house.

Manny said, Yes, she did know how doctors were. “I’ll say good-bye here, then. I wouldn’t want you to go against orders by walking to my car with me.”

“Oh, now, wait a minute,” I said, taking a quick look over my shoulder. “Of course I’ll walk to the car with you.”

I tucked her arm through mine, and we crossed the porch and started down the steps.

We descended to the driveway and sauntered the few steps to her car. I helped her into it and closed the door quietly.

Mrs. Olmstead was out shopping per usual, so she could not reveal my sneaking out of the house. But I was fearful that Kay might spot me, and come storming out to yank me back inside again.

“Well, good-bye, darling,” I said, and I stooped and hastily kissed Manny. “Take care, and I’ll see you Tuesday.”

“Wait, Britt. Please!”

“Yes?” I threw another quick glance over my shoulder. “I love being with you, dear, but I really shouldn’t be standing out here.”

“It’s just me, isn’t it? You’re afraid of being here with me.”

“Dammit, no,” I said. “That isn’t it at all. It’s just that, I—”

“I told you nothing more would happen to you, Britt. I’m all right now, and there’ll never be anything like that again, and — Don’t you believe me?”

Her voice broke and she turned her head quickly, looking at the scantily populated countryside across the road. There were a few houses scattered over a wide area, and land had been graded for a number of others. But everything had come to a halt with the advent of the garbage dump on former Rainstar property.

“Manny,” I said. “Listen to me. Please listen to me, Manny.”

“Well?” She faced me again, but slowly, her gaze still lingering on the near-empty expanse beyond the road, seeming to search for something there. “Yes, Britt?”

“I’m not afraid of being here with you at all. You said that nothing more would happen to me, and I believe you. It’s just that I’m supposed to stay in the house — not to come outside at all. And I’m afraid there’ll be a hell of a brouhaha if—”

“But you’ve been going out.” Manny smiled at me thinly. “You’ve been going out and staying out for hours.”

“What?” I said. “Why do you say that?”

“Why?” she said. “Yes, why do I? I’ve certainly no right to make an issue of it.”

And before I could say anything more, she nodded coldly and drove away.

I looked after her as her car sped down the driveway and turned into the road, became lost in the dust of the ubiquitous dump trucks wending their way toward the garbage hummocks.

I turned away, vaguely troubled, and moved absently toward the porch.

I went up the steps, still discomfited and puzzled by Manny’s attitude, but grateful that Kay had not discovered me in my fracture of a strict order. One of the few unhappy aspects of sex is that it places you much too close physically while you are still mentally poles apart. So that a categorical imperative is apt to be juxtaposed with a constitutional impossibility, for how can one kick some one — or part of some one — that he has laved with love.

I couldn’t face up to the consequences of Kay Nolton’s throwing her weight around with me again. No sadist I, I could not slug the provably and delightfully screwable.

I reached the top step, and—

There was a sudden angry sound at my ear, the buzz of a maddened hornet The hornet zoomed in and stung me painfully on the forehead, the sting burning like acid.

I slapped at it, then rubbed the tortured flesh with my fingers. As a boy, growing up on the old place, I had been “hit” by hornets many times. But I could remember none having the effect of this one.

It was numbing, almost as if I had been hit by an instrument that was at once edged and blunt. I felt a little dizzy and faint, and—

I took my hand away from my head.

I stared at it stupidly.

It was red and wet, dripping with blood, and more blood was dripping down onto the age-faded wood of the porch.

My knees buckled slowly, and I sank down to them. My eyes closed, and I slowly toppled over and lay prone.

My last thought, before I lost consciousness, was of Manny. Her indirect insistence that I accompany her to her car. The hurt in her voice and her eyes when I had hesitated about leaving the safety of the house — hurt which I could only expunge by doing what I had been sternly ordered not to do.

So I had done as she wanted because I loved her and believed in her.

And then, loving and trusting her, I had remained out in the open, exposed to the danger which is always latent in loving and trusting.

I had lingered at the side of her car, pleading with her. And she had sat with her back turned to me, her gaze searching the landscape, apparently searching it for…? A signal? A rifle, say, with a telescopic sight.

I heard myself laugh, even as the very last of my consciousness glimmered away. Because, you see, it was really terribly funny. Almost as funny as it was sad.

I had always shunned guns, always maintaining that guns had been known to kill people and even defenseless animals, and that those who fooled around with guns had holes in their heads. And now, I… I… I had been… and I had a hole in my…

When I came back into my consciousness, I was lying on my own bed, and Kay was hunkered down at the bedside, staring anxiously into my face.

I started to rear up, but she pressed me back upon the pillows. I stammered nonsensically, “What… why… where… how… and then the jumble in my mind cleared, and I said, “How did I get up here? Who brought me up?”

“Shhh,” said Kay. “I — we made it together, remember? With me steering you, and hanging on to you for dear life.”

“Mrs. Olmstead helped you. I wouldn’t have thought the old gal had it in her.”

“Mrs. Olmstead isn’t back yet. She’s never around when you need her for anything. Now, will you just shut up for goodness’ sake, and tell me how — Doggone it, anyway!” Kay scowled, her voice rising angrily. “It’s just too darned much! I have to follow that woman around, do everything over after she’s done it! I have to watch you every minute to keep you from doing something silly, and all I get is bawled out for it! I have to—”

“Oh, come on now,” I said, “it really isn’t that bad, is it?”

“Yes, it is! And now you’ve made me lose control of myself and act as crazy as you are! Now, you listen to me, Britt Rainstar! Are you listening?”

She was trembling with fury, her face an unrelieved white against the contrasting red of her hair. I tried to take her hand, and she knocked it away. Then she quickly recovered it and squeezed it, smiling at me determinedly through gritted teeth.

“I asked you if you were — Oh, the heck with it,” she said. “How are you feeling, honey?”

“Tol’able, ma’am,” I said. “Tolerable. How are you?”

She said she was darned mad, that’s how she was. Then she told me to hold still, dam it, and she tested the strip of adhesive bandage on my forehead. And then she leaned down and gently kissed it.

“Does it hurt very much, Britt?”

“You wouldn’t ask that if you were really a nurse.”

“What? What do you mean by that?”

“Anyone with the slightest smattering of medical knowledge knows that when you kiss something you make it well.”

“Ha!” She brushed her lips against mine. “You were told not to leave this house, Britt. Not under any circumstances. Why did you do it?”

“It wasn’t really going out,” I said. “I just saw Miss Aloe to her car.”

“And you got shot.”

“But there was no connection between the two events. She’d been gone for, oh, a couple of minutes when it happened.”

“What does that prove?”

“I’m sure she had nothing to do with it,” I said stubbornly. “She told me she was sorry for what she’d done, and she swore that there’d be no more trouble. And she was telling the truth! I know she was, Kay.”

“And I know you got shot,” Kay said. “I also know that I’ll get blamed for it. It’s not my fault. You practically threw me out of your office, and told me to leave you alone. I was only t-trying to look after you, b-but you—”

I cut in on her, telling her to listen to me and listen good. And when she persisted, obviously working herself up to a tear storm, I took her by the shoulders and shook her.

“Don’t you pull that on me!” I said. “Don’t pretend that that little stunt you pulled down in my office was an attempt to protect me. You were just being nosy. Acting like a jealous wife. Miss Aloe and I were discussing business, and—”

“Ha! I know her kind of business. She’s got her business right in her — Well, never mind. I won’t say it.”

She dropped her eyes, blushing. I stared at her grimly, and finally she looked up and asked me what I looking at.

“At you,” I said. “What’s with this blushing bit? I think it’s just about impossible for you to be embarrassed. I don’t think you’d be embarrassed if you rode naked through Coventry on a Kiddy-Kar with a bull’s-eye on each titty and a feather duster up your arse! You’ve repeatedly proved that you’re shameless, goddammit, yet you go around kicking shit, and turning red as a billy goat’s butt every time you see the letter p. You—”

“Oops!” said Kay. “Whoops!” And she lost her balance and went over backwards, sitting down on the floor with a thud. She sat thus, shaking and trembling, her hands covering her face, making rather strange and fearful sounds.

“What’s the matter?” I said. “Are you throwing a fit? That’s all I need, by God, a blushing fit-thrower!”

And her hands came away from her face, they were literally exploded, as she burst into wild peals of laughter. The force of it made me wince, but it was somehow contagious. I started laughing, too, laughing harder at each new blast from her. And the harder I laughed, the harder she laughed.

That kind of laughter does something to some people, and it did it to her. She staggered to her feet, trying to get to the bathroom, but she just couldn’t make it. Instead, she fell down across me, now crying from laughing so much, and I took her by her wet seat, and hauled her over to my other side.

“You dirty girl,” I said. “Why don’t you carry a cork with you?”

“D-don’t,” she begged. “Please d-don’t…”

I didn’t; that is, I didn’t say anything more. For practically anything will start a person up again when he has passed a certain point in laughing.

We lay quiet together, with the only sound the sound of our breathing.

After a long time, she sighed luxuriously and asked if I really minded her blushing, and I said I supposed there were worse things.

“I don’t know why I do it, Britt, but I always have. I’ve tried not to, but it just makes it worse.”

“I used to know a girl who was that way,” I said. “But an old gypsy cured her of it.”

I told her how it was done. Following the old gypsy’s instructions, she sprinkled salt on a sparrow’s tail when it was looking the other way. When the sparrow flew off, it took her blushes with her.

“Just like that?” Kay said. “She didn’t blush anymore?”

“No, but it started a blushing epidemic among the sparrows. For years, before they lost their shame by do-doing on people, the midnight sky was brilliant with their blushes, and—”

“Darn you!” An incipient trembling of the bed. “You shut up!”

I said quickly that we should both think of something unpleasant. Something that definitely was not a laughing matter. And it was no trouble at all to think of such a something.

“I’m gonna catch holy heck,” Kay said solemnly. “Boy, oh boy, am I gonna catch it.”

“You mean, Fm going to catch it,” I said. “I was the one that got shot.”

“But I let you. I didn’t stop you from going outside.”

“Stop me? How the hell could you stop me? I’m a grown man, and if I wanted to go outside, I’d go, regardless of what you said or did.”

“You’ll see,” Kay said. “Sergeant Claggett will hold me responsible. He’s already said he would.”

I couldn’t talk her out of her qualms, nor did I try to very hard. I was the one who had goofed — and I would hear from Claggett about that! — but she would be held responsible. He would have her yanked off the job, possibly even fired.

“Look, Kay,” I said. “We don’t know that I was actually shot. We don’t know anything of the kind, now, do we?”

Kay said that of course we knew it. At least, she did. That crease across my temple had been put there by a bullet.

“Now, we don’t know,” she added thoughtfully, “that anyone was actually trying to hit you. That it was a professional, say, which it would just about have to be, wouldn’t it, if the shooting was intentional?”

“Why, that’s right!” I said. “And a pro wouldn’t have just creased me. He’d have put one through my head. I’ll bet it was an accident, Kay. Some character hunting rabbits across the road, or — or else—” I broke off, remembering the other things that had happened to me.

“Or else what, Britt?”

“He wasn’t trying to kill me or seriously injure me. Just to give me a bad jolt.”

“Oh,” said Kay slowly. “Oh, yes. I guess you’re probably right. I guess your darling little Miss Aloe was lying when she promised not to give you any more trouble.”

I snapped that Manny hadn’t been lying — something that I was by no means sure of, much as I wanted to be. Kay shrugged that of course I knew more about my business than she did. So who was responsible for the shooting, if Manny was not?

“I thought she was the only one you and Sergeant Claggett suspected. Of giving you such a bad time, I mean. I guess you did say that her uncle might be involved, but you really didn’t seem to believe it.”

“Didn’t and don’t,” I said curtly. “That was just a far-out possibility.”

“Well, just don’t you worry your sweet tinted-gray head about it,” said Kay. “I imagine that Miss Aloe just forgot that she’d ordered someone to take a shot at you. I’ll bet that now she remembers doing it, she’s just as sorry as she can be.”

I said something that sounded like “ship” but wasn’t. Kay said brightly that she’d just thought of another explanation for the shooting. Manny had ordered it, and then ordered it canceled. But the gunman had forgotten the cancellation.

“That’s probably what happened, Britt, don’t you think so? Of course, you’d think a professional gunman would be a little more careful, but, oh well, that’s life.”

“That’s life,” I said, “and this is my hand. And if you don’t stop needling me, dammit…!”

“I’m sorry, darling. It just about had to be an accident, didn’t it? A stray bullet from a hunter’s gun.”

“Well…” I hesitated.

“Right,” said Kay. “So there’s no reason to tell Sergeant Claggett that you were ever outside the house. He’d just get all upset and mad, and maybe take me away from you, and, oh boy,” sighed Kay. “Am I glad to get that settled! Let’s go to the bathroom, shall we?”

We went to the bathroom.

We got out of our clothes and washed, and helped each other wash, and Kay carefully removed the adhesive strip and examined my head wound.

“Mmm-hmm. It doesn’t look so bad, Britt. How does it feel?”

“No problem. A very slight itching and stinging occasionally.”

“Well, we’ll leave it unbandaged for the time being. Let the air get to it. Have you felt any more faintness?”

“Nope. Not the faintest.”

She lowered the toilet seat, and told me to sit down on it. I did, and she took my pulse while resting a palm on my forehead. Then—

The bathroom suddenly began to shake. There was a sudden ominous creaking and cracking, slowly mounting in volume.

Kay pitched sideways, and her mouth opened to scream. I laughed, grabbed her, and pulled her down on my lap.

“It’s all right,” I said, “don’t be afraid. I’ve been through the same thing a dozen times. There’s a lot of shaking and trembling, and some of the damnedest racket you ever heard, but…

I tightened my grip on her, for the shaking was already pretty violent. And the noise was so bad that I was virtually yelling at her.

The house was “settling,” I explained. Something it had done sporadically for decades. The phenomenon was due to aging and exceptionally heavy building materials, and, possibly, to deep subterranean springs which lay beneath the structure. But frightening as it was to anyone unaccustomed to it, there was absolutely no danger. In a few minutes it would all be over.

The few minutes were actually more than ten. Kay sat with her arms wound around my neck, hanging on so tightly at times that I was almost strangled. It was not a bad way to go, though, if one had to, being hugged to death by a girl who was not only very pretty but also very naked. And I held her nakedness to mine, as enthusiastically as she held mine to hers.

It was so pleasant, in fact, that neither of us was in any hurry to let go even after the noise and the trembling had ceased.

I patted her on the flank and said she wiggled very good. She whispered naughtily in my ear — something which I shall not repeat — and then she blushed violently. And I even blushed a little myself.

I was trying to think of some suitable or, rather, unsuitable reply, when she let out a startled gasp.

“Oh, my God, Britt” — she pointed a trembling finger — “I-look!”

I looked. And laughed. “It’s all right,” I said, giving her another flank spank. “It always does that.”

“В-but the doorknob turned! It’s still turning.”

“I know. I imagine every other doorknob in the place is doing the same thing. As I understand it, the house undergoes a kind of winding-up during the settling process. Then when the tension is relieved, there’s a general relaxing or unwinding, and you see such things as doors flying open or their knobs turning.”

Kay said, Whew, brushing imaginary perspiration from her brow.

“It scared me to death, Britt! Really!”

“No, it didn’t, Kay,” I said. “Really!”

“Well, I sure wouldn’t want to be alone when it happened. You see the knob turn, and — How do you know someone’s not there?”

“Very simply,” I said. “If someone’s there, he just opens the door and comes in.”

The door opened, and Sergeant Claggett came in.

He stood frozen in his tracks for a moment, blinking at us incredulously. Then he said, “Excuse me!” retreating across the threshold with a hasty back-step.

“Excuse me for not getting up,” I said.

“I want to see you downstairs, Britt!” He spoke with his head turned. “Immediately, understand?”

“Of course,” I said. “Just as soon as I get something in — on.”

“And you, too.” He addressed Kay without looking at her. “I want to see you, too, Officer Nolton!”

I suppose I should have seen the truth from the start. Almost any fool would have, I am sure, so that should have qualified me for seeing it I hadn’t because I am a plain, garden variety of fool, not the devious kind. I am a worshipper at the shrine of laissez faire, a devotee of the status quo. I accept things as they are, for what they are, without proof or documentation. I ask no more than a quid pro quo. And failing to get a fair exchange, I will normally accept the less that is offered. In a word, I am about as undevious as one can be. And having no talent nor liking for deception, I am easily deceived. As per the present instance.

Claggett wanted me to have round-the-clock protection. Which is not easily managed by a mere detective sergeant in an undermanned, tightly budgeted police department. He didn’t want me to know that I had such protection, believing that I would inadvertently reveal it where it was best not revealed. So the cop he planted on me was also a nurse, someone whose presence in the house would be taken for granted. And since she was a nurse, he could have her wages paid by PXA’s insurers, thus quieting any objections from the PD.

Naive as I was, I would still ask myself why a nurse would take such a potentially dangerous job. Claggett had provided the answer by making it appear that there was something wrong with her, or that there could be something wrong with her. That not only satisfied my curiosity as to why she was taking the job, but it would also — he hoped — make me wary of her. I would shy away from any personal involvement with her, and she would not be distracted from her duties as a cop.

Well, the deception had worked fine, up to a point. A cop had been planted on me, and I had no idea that she was a cop. Doubts about her good intentions had been planted in my mind, and I did my damnedest to hold her in distance. Why then had I wound up in bed with her? How could she have been so outrageously derelict in her duty?

Claggett swore savagely that it was too damned much for him.

I said, somewhat uncomfortably, that he seemed to be making too much of a much over the matter. “After all, it’s Friday afternoon, Jeff. Everyone relaxes and lets down a bit on Friday afternoon.”

“Everyone doesn’t have a nut after him,” snapped Claggett. “A screwed-up broad who’s been snatching his scalp by bits and pieces, and just may decide she wants his life along with it!”

“Now, Jeff,” I said. “I’m practically convinced that Manny—”

“Shut up,” Claggett said, and turned coldly to Kay. “I don’t believe you were wearing a gun when I arrived today. What do regulations say about that?”

“I’m sorry, sir. I—”

“You’re a disgrace!” said Claggett, cutting me off again before I was able to say anything effective. “I found the door unlocked, and standing wide open! And you naked and unarmed with the man you were supposedly protecting!”

“Y-yes, sir. I’m thoroughly ashamed, sir, and I swear it won’t happen again!”

“No, it won’t. You’re suspended from duty, as of this moment, and you’ll be up before the disciplinary board just as soon as I can arrange it!”

Kay wasn’t blushing anymore. She was apparently fresh out of blushes, and she was very pale as she got to her feet. “Whatever you say, Sergeant. I’ll start getting my things together.”

Claggett brought her back to her chair with a roar. “You, Officer Nolton, will remain in this room until you are told to do otherwise. As for you, Britt” — he gave me a look of weary distaste — “I’ve been trying to help you, and I’ve gone to considerable lengths to do it. Much further than I should have, in fact. Do you think this was the right way to repay me?”

“Of course I don’t, since you obviously consider it wrong, and it’s caused problems for Miss Nolton. I myself don’t feel that it was wrong per se but there’s a variable factor involved. I mean, something is good only so long as it doesn’t make others unhappy.”

“Hmmm,” he said, his blue eyes brooding. “Well! I do feel that you’ve let me down, but that doesn’t excuse Officer Nolton. If—”

“It should. Let’s face it, Jeff,” I said. “I’m quite a bit older than Miss Nolton — also a lot more experienced. And I’m afraid I was persistent with her to a shameful degree. Please don’t blame her, Jeff. It really was all my fault.”

Claggett’s brows went up.

He grimaced, lips pursed, then turned an enigmatic gaze on Kay. “How about it, Nolton? Is that the way it was?”

“Well, I am much younger than—” She broke off, sat very erect and dignified. “I wouldn’t care to say, sir!”

Claggett ran a hand over his mouth. He looked at Kay a moment or two longer, apparently seeing something in her of great interest, then faced back around to me. “You started to say something about Miss Aloe. Anything important?”

“I think so. She was out here to the house today, and she apologized for what she’d done. Implied that she hadn’t been rational or responsible for her actions.”

“And?”

“She promised not to make any more trouble — got pretty emotional about it. I’m convinced that she meant it, Jeff.”

“Well, I’m not,” said Kay; and here came that pretty blush again. “I’m sorry, Sergeant. I didn’t mean to butt in, but I’ve observed Miss Aloe very carefully and I thought you’d want my opinion as a police officer.”

“I do,” said Claggett. “In detail, please.”

“She’s just a snippy, snotty little dip, that’s what!”

Claggett’s interest in her seemed to increase tremendously. He would shift his fascinated gaze away from her; then, as though against his will, it would slowly move back and fasten on her again. Meanwhile, he was saying that he had undergone a complete change of mind, and that she should by all means remain on her present duty.

“Oh, thank you, Sergeant!” She smiled on him brilliantly. “I know you were kind of disappointed about… but it won’t happen again, sir!”

“Ah, well,” said Claggett easily. “A pretty young girl and a handsome, sophisticated older man — how could I blame you for succumbing? And what’s to blame, anyway? Just don’t forget you’ve got business here, too.”

“Yes, sir! I won’t get caught with my — I’ll remember, sir!”

“Good.” Claggett beamed. “I’m sure you mean that, and it wouldn’t be practical to pull you off the job, anyway. Not with so short a time to go.”

“Uh, sir?”

“I mean, we should know how things stand with Miss Aloe very soon. If she’s going to pull anything, she’ll do it within the next week or so, don’t you think?”

“Well…” Kay hesitated doubtfully. “Why do you say that, sir?”

“Because she’s a very pretty girl, too,” Claggett said, “and pretty girls have a way of being jealous of other girls. If she still cares enough for Mr. Rainstar to be mad at him, she’ll try to stop him having fun with you. And she won’t waste time about it.”

Kay said, “Well, yes, sir. Maybe.” But rather doubtfully. Not exactly sure that she had been complimented.

Claggett said he was glad she agreed with him. And he was glad to be glad, he said, because he was really pretty sad when he thought of her imminent resignation from the police department.

“Just as soon as you’ve finished this assignment. Of course,” he went on, “I realize it’s the smart thing for you to do, a girl who’s shown an aptitude for so many things in such a short span of time. Let’s see. You’ve been a nurse, a secretary, an airline stewardess, a — Yes, Officer Nolton?”

“I said, you can have my resignation right now if you want it! And you know what you can do with it, too!”

“Well, sure, sure,” Claggett said heartily. “For that matter, I could have you kicked out on your ass. For stated reasons that would make it hard for you to get a job washing towels in a whorehouse. Well?” He paused. “Do you want me to do that?”

Kay muttered something under her breath.

Claggett leaned forward. “I didn’t hear you! Speak up!”

“I…” Kay wet her lips. “No, sir. I don’t want you to.”

“Don’t want me to do what?”

“Don’t!” I said. “For God’s sake, drop it, Jeff.”

He gestured curtly, ordering me to butt out. To mind my own business and let him mind his. I said I couldn’t do that.

“You’ve made your point, Jeff. So let it go at that. You don’t need to watch her bleed.” I crossed over to Kay, spoke to her gently. “Want to go up to your room? It’ll be all right with the sergeant, won’t it, Jeff?”

“Yeah, hell, dammit!” he said sourly.

“Kay.” I touched her on the shoulder. “Want me to help you?”

She shook off my hand.

She buried her face in her hands, and began to shake with silent weeping.

Claggett and I exchanged a glance. He stood up, jerked his head toward the door, and went out. I took another glance at Kay, saw that her trembling had stopped and followed him.

We shook hands at the front door, and he apologized for coming down hard on Kay. But he seemed considerably less than overwhelmed with regret. The little lady had been under official scrutiny for a long time, he said, and her conduct today had simply triggered an already loaded gun.

“I’m not referring to catching her in the raw with you. I had to bawl her out for it, but that’s as far as it would have gone — if there’d been nothing more than that. It was her attitude about it, her attitude in general, the things she said. If you know what I mean.” He sighed, shook his head. “And if you don’t know, to hell with you.”

“I know,” I said. “But she was pretty upset, Jeff. If you’ll look at things from her viewpoint—”

“I won’t,” said Jeff. “You can be fair without seeing the other fellow’s side of things, Britt. Keep doing that, and you stop having a side of your own. You get so damned broad-minded that you don’t know right from wrong.”

I said that I didn’t always know now, and he said I should ask him whenever I was in doubt. “Incidentally, I spoke to a lawyer about the way you’d been gypped out of your property for that city dump, and he thinks you’ve got a hell of a good case. In fact, he’s willing to take it on a contingency for a third of what he can recover.”

“But I’ve told you,” I said, “I just can’t do it, Jeff. I’m simply not up to a courtroom battle.”

“My lawyer friend thinks they’d go for an out-of-court settlement.”

“Well, maybe,” I said. “But Connie would be sure to find out about it, and I’d still be up the creek. She’d grab any money I got, and give me a good smearing besides.”

“I don’t see that,” Claggett frowned. “You’ve been sending her quite a bit of money, haven’t you?”

“Better than four thousand since I got out of the hospital.”

“Then why should she want to give you a bad time? Why should she throw a wTench in a money machine? She hurts you, she hurts herself.”

I nodded, said he was probably right. But still…

“I’m just afraid to do it, Jeff. I don’t know why I am, but I am.”

He looked at me exasperatedly, and seemed on the point of saying something pointed. Instead, however, he sighed heavily and said he guessed I just couldn’t help it.

“But think it over, anyway, won’t you? You don’t need to commit yourself, but you can at least think about it, can’t you?”

“Oh, well, sure,” I said. “Sure, I’ll think about it.”

“That’s a promise?”

“Of course,” I said.

He left. I returned to Kay, who was well prepared to receive me.

“I could simply kill you!” she exploded. “You made me lose my job, you stupid old boob you!”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “But I’m sure you were much too good for it.”

“I was not! I mean — why didn’t you speak up for me? It was all your fault, anyway, but you didn’t say a word to defend me!”

“I thought I did, but possibly I didn’t say enough,” I said. “I really don’t think it would have changed anything, however, regardless of what I’d said.”

“Oh, you! What do you know, you silly old fool?”

“Very little,” I said. “And at the rate I’m aging, I’m afraid I won’t be able to add much to my store of knowledge.”

She glared at me, her face blotched and ugly like a soiled picture. She said angrily that I hadn’t needed to act like a fool, had I? Well, had I?

“You didn’t even give him time to open his mouth before you were cracking your silly jokes! Saying that I couldn’t wear my gun because it didn’t match my birthday suit, and a lot of other stupid, silly stuff. Well, you weren’t funny, not a doggone bit! Just a plain darned fool, that’s all you were!”

“I know,” I said.

“You know?”

“It’s a protective device.” I nodded. “The I-ain’t-nothin’-but-a-hound-dawg syndrome. When a dog can’t cope, he flops over on his back, thumps his tail, wiggles his paws, and exposes his balls. Briefly, he demonstrates that he is a harmless and amusing fellow, so why the hell should anyone hurt him? And it works pretty well with other dogs, literal and figurative. The meanest mastiff has never masticated me, but I’ve taken some plumb awful stompings from pussycats.”

“Huh! You think you’re so smart, don’t you?”

“Meow, sppftt,” I said.

John Ball

Appointment with the Governor

John Ball — the creator of Virgil Tibbs — is a man of parts. He is a lieutenant colonel in the US. Air Force — CAP; he has been on the staffs of the Brooklyn Eagle, the New York World-Telegram, and Fortune. Mr. Ball has written more than thirty books, and he received both the MW A Edgar Allan Poe Award and the CWA Gold Dagger for In the Heat of the Night.

“Appointment with the Governor” originally appeared in Who Done It? a collection edited by Alice Lawrence and Isaac Asimov in which the contributors’ identities were coded. This is the first publication of the story under John Balls name.

It never would have happened at all if Maggie MacDonald had been at her desk as usual. Through four administrations Maggie had presided over the governor’s appointments, and no one could recall that she had ever made a mistake. Because of her unerring ability to keep everything sorted out in proper order, and the acute sixth sense that she sometimes displayed in knowing who should get in and who should be kept away, no one had brought up the matter of her age. There was no one her equal to replace her and if perchance she were technically over the age limit for her job, no one was going to be rude enough to even think about it.

But Maggie had an appointment for her annual physical examination and the person who had been designated to fill in for her was unaccountably late. Which is why Mrs. Willis M. Roberts and Mrs. Chester R. Burke were shown into the same waiting room when every effort should have been made to be sure that they never met. By the time the replacement for Maggie was at her desk the damage had been done. She realized it at once, but there was nothing she could do about it except pray that the two women did not fall into conversation. If that happened…

Meanwhile, the governor’s clemency secretary was standing beside the desk of the state’s chief executive. He was a thoroughly conscientious man, perhaps the single best appointment that the governor had made. He gave his recommendations very carefully and never without a full consideration of the evidence available. If a further investigation was indicated, he was tireless in seeing that it was done properly. He was also a very tough man to lobby. He had the full respect of his associates, the press, and the members of the bar.

As he spoke the governor listened carefully and silently. It was the most important case to come up since the election, and it involved the newly reinstated death penalty. If the execution did go forward as scheduled, it would be the first one under the new law. There was a great deal of public emotion on both sides of the question, but the voters had been decisive in the referendum that restored capital punishment. That was a mandate, and the governor knew it, but it was not going to be allowed to decide the issue.

“I want to know something,” the governor said. “Is there the least possibility that Roberts might be innocent? Could he have been framed? I know such things are done. Could he simply have been in the wrong place at the wrong time?”

The clemency secretary shook his head. “Governor, I can give you my assurance there is no possibility of innocence. After the trial and sentencing, Roberts admitted that he was guilty. That fact was not publicized, but I checked it out and it’s true. Also, he supplied some additional details that the sheriff himself didn’t know.”

“That’s bad,” the governor said.

The clemency secretary nodded, regretfully. “It is,” he agreed. “And now you want my recommendation.”

The governor took a breath and held it for a moment, knowing that a man’s life was at stake.

The clemency secretary spoke calmly and quietly. “I am recommending that clemency be denied. In my own conscience I don’t believe in capital punishment, but it is part of the law and if anyone has ever deserved it, Roberts is the man. I can’t find a single mitigating condition: He wasn’t drunk, under the influence of any drug, or otherwise incapacitated. He killed the little girl in cold blood, knowing what he was doing and the penalty for his crime. He has a long history of violent offenses, many of them sexual in nature. Like Chessman, one of his victims is in a mental hospital, probably permanently. Another, a girl of sixteen, can never have children.”

The governor sat a little straighter. “We aren’t passing judgment here on these offenses. Or the fact that he was on parole at the time he committed the murder. I have to decide this solely on the grounds of the crime for which he was sentenced — to die.”

The clemency secretary fingered a folder that he held, but which he had not opened. “I certainly agree with that,” he said. “I beg your pardon — I should not have brought up the matter of his record. Please ignore it if you can.”

The governor relaxed visibly, reached for a cigarette, and then pushed the pack away. “How about life imprisonment, without possibility of parole? Then he would have to look forward to the rest of his natural life behind bars. Taking away all hope is pretty severe punishment.”

The clemency secretary allowed a moment to pass before he responded to that. When he did, he was quite factual. “I considered that alternative very carefully, Governor, before I made my recommendation. We may say ‘without possibility of parole’ now, but ten or fifteen years hence, under a different administration, he might very well be let go. It has happened, you know.”

For almost a full minute it was stone quiet in the big office. Then the governor asked one more question. “Is there anything else that you haven’t told me — anything you think I should know?”

Again the clemency secretary fingered the folder. “Yes,” he answered. “I have some photographs here. They’re pretty awful. They show something that has been kept completely under cover. One reporter knows it, but he has given his word to keep it to himself. Frankly, they are largely responsible for my recommendation.”

The governor was not one to duck a responsibility, even an extremely unpleasant one. “Let me see the pictures.”

Reluctantly, the clemency secretary handed them over.

The governor looked at them carefully. It was a grisly job, one that brought home for the first time the magnitude of the crime.

“Was the victim tortured?” the governor asked.

“Yes.”

“Badly?”

“Very badly.”

“And she had done nothing to this man to incite him to this kind of horror?”

“Nothing whatever. She was completely innocent. She hadn’t even been taught the basics of human sexuality, only to guard and protect herself.”

“So there’s nothing there.”

“I’m afraid not.”

The governor looked again at the pictures, because the decision to be made was so important. The clemency secretary waited. He had spoken his piece, and he knew enough to remain silent.

“Part of one leg is missing,” the governor noted.

“That’s — the vital point.”

His tone, cautious and careful, was nevertheless decisive. The governor looked up. “Can that mean what I’m thinking?”

The clemency secretary nodded. “Yes, it does. He confessed to that too.”

“Did he say anything — anything at all — to indicate remorse?”

He hated to do it, but the clemency secretary delivered the knockout blow. It was his duty and he would not shun it. “He said she was delicious.”

Ten seconds ticked away. “Clemency refused,” the governor said. “Now show his mother in. I’ll tell her myself.”

The girl sitting in Maggie’s chair could not help it; she had to go to the bathroom. She rose silently from her place and went out quickly with the air of someone who would be back momentarily. When the door had closed behind her the two women who had been waiting were left alone, looking at each other. It was Mrs. Roberts who spoke first. “Are you here about… the Roberts case?” she asked.

Mrs. Burke nodded, quietly and firmly. “Yes, I am. I’m waiting to see the governor.” This was self-evident, but it gave her something to say and she was in need of it.

“Are you a social worker?”

“No, I’m not.” Realizing that that was a trifle brusque, she added, “I work in a computer plant.”

“But you are here about clemency.”

Mrs. Burke’s eyes were suddenly wet. “Yes. I didn’t want to come, but now I know that I must.”

“That’s so good of you.” Mrs. Roberts spoke from her heart; she had had no hope of an ally.

Mrs. Burke was the first to realize. “May I ask… she began.

The other woman nodded. “I’m Mrs. Roberts,” she said very simply. “It’s my son who…”

Mrs. Burke’s first thought was to wonder why they had ever been brought together. She was revolted by the very name “Roberts.” Now to meet like this…

Then she swallowed and remembered the sermon she had heard the day before in church. At the time she had had no idea that it had been prepared with her in mind, to offer some comfort at the most terrible time of her life. The words of the minister came back to her — that the greatest comfort lay in forgiveness. She could never forgive, she doubted if Christ himself could totally forgive if He were placed in her position. But the woman sitting across from her had a heavy cross to bear too. She had spawned a fiend, but the crime itself had not been hers.

She looked at the other woman again and saw comprehension in her eyes. The question came quite simply. “Are you Mrs. Burke?”

“Yes. I am.”

The silence was suddenly intensely thick and heavy; it was broken when Mrs. Roberts reached for a handkerchief. Her tears were open then, and she could do nothing to stop them.

In a way it was a good thing, because Mrs. Burke saw them and through them had some insight into the agonies that the innocent woman opposite her was going through. When the secretary came back to her desk, neither of the women noticed it.

It was Mrs. Roberts who spoke. “I’m… terribly sorry about your little girl. I would give anything… everything I have…”

“Thank you,” Mrs. Burke said. Then she added, “I know what you must be going through. I’m sorry… for you.”

Again it was quiet, and the secretary fervently hoped that the conversation was over. But it wasn’t.

Mrs. Roberts spoke, choosing her words like stepping-stones. “I came to ask the governor to commute the sentence. I know what my son did, and that he can never be allowed to walk the streets again.” She shook her head. “I don’t want him to. I almost killed myself when I found out…”

Mrs. Burke was touched despite herself. She shook her head. “Don’t do anything desperate,” she said. “It won’t help a thing, and it won’t bring my daughter back.” Again she realized how her words sounded. She remembered the sermon and did what her Savior expected of her. “It wasn’t possibly your fault.”

Mrs. Roberts put her thoughts into words to steady herself. “I came here to ask for mercy. You came here to ask that the law… take its course.”

Mrs. Burke would not deny that. “Yes, I came to ask the governor to… not to interfere. I’ve always been opposed…”

Mrs. Roberts understood. “I don’t think that the governor will see one of us and not the other,” she offered.

Mrs. Burke understood what an effort those words had cost. That sermon kept pounding back into her head. Normally she did not listen much to sermons, but on that day of all days, she had hung on every word. And the message had been unmistakable. “Perhaps the governor,” she began. She could not bring herself to withdraw, but she had a firm division by then in her mind between the monster on death row and the desperately unhappy woman who, like her, was waiting to see the governor.

Before she knew what she was doing, Mrs. Burke stood up and crossed the room. “I want you to know,” she said, ”that I understand, a little at least, how you feel.” She sat down.

Mrs. Roberts looked at her. “You must be a wonderful Christian,” she said. She had been thinking a lot about religion, and it had come much closer to the surface for her. Then she added, “If you’re some other faith, you know what I mean.”

Mrs. Burke was genuinely touched. For a bare moment she considered the idea of quietly leaving and letting compassion help the poor woman beside her. Then she remembered, and she could not be that generous. She wanted to, but she couldn’t.

Mrs. Roberts folded her hands in her lap and looked at them. “There’s something I very much want to know,” she said. “I have no right to ask. I’m sorry, forget what I said.”

Mrs. Burke had steeled herself a few moments before. She understood what the question might be, and what the answer might mean to the woman who had the courage to ask it. “What do you want to know?” She put it calmly and factually.

Mrs. Roberts made a supreme effort. “I know that my son is a murderer,” she said, forcing the loathsome words from her lips. Then she dropped her head quite suddenly. “I want to know if he is anything else.”

Mrs. Burke knew it would bring pain, but it vindicated her position and the temptation was too strong. Slowly she nodded. “Yes,” she said.

Mrs. Roberts looked her directly in the face for the first time. “If that is so,” she said, “then perhaps we should see the governor together. And we will both ask…..She broke down into tears totally beyond her control.

The clemency secretary came into the room. Mrs. Burke saw him and knew who he was. “I think the decision has already been made,” she said, “but, yes, let’s go in together.” Because her God wanted her to, she held out her hand and laid it on Mrs. Robert’s arm.

By their wish, they went in together. As they entered the room the governor rose. Seeing the two women together was a nasty shock; too late the clemency secretary tried to signal a warning.

“Please sit down,” the governor said. “Which of you is Mrs. Roberts?”

The lady named lifted her hand just enough to be seen.

“You have met this other lady?”

“Yes, I have. We have been talking, and we decided to come together.”

For a moment or two the governor did not know how to go on; there was no precedent for the situation. If only Maggie…!

The clemency secretary was about to speak when Mrs. Roberts anticipated him by a second or two. “Governor,” she said, “I know you have the power to spare my son. You can commute his sentence to life in prison. Before I ask you to do that, I have a question.”

“Please,” the governor said.

She found the courage to look up. “I happened to meet Mrs. Burke. I learned that she is a very wonderful woman. I know we can never be friends, but… I think you understand.”

“Indeed I do,” the governor confirmed.

“My question is this: Did my son do… terrible things… besides the murder?” She turned quickly to Mrs. Burke. “Please forgive me,” she added.

Mrs. Burke only nodded, waiting for the governor to speak.

“Yes, Mrs. Roberts, I’m very much afraid he did.” That made it a little easier to announce the decision.

“Then,” Mrs. Roberts said, “I won’t ask you for mercy. I know now that I bore a monster, and it’s best if I never see him again. If I never have to worry that some day…”

The governor looked at the other woman. “Mrs. Burke?”

The mother of the slain girl composed herself. “I came to ask you — not to intervene. Instead I would like to ask you to do what you think best.”

The governor turned back to Mrs. Roberts. “Then you are not asking me to commute?”

Very slowly, and with great effort, Mrs. Roberts shook her head. “I can’t now,” she said.

The clemency secretary was about to speak, but the governor silenced him with a slightly raised hand. “Then let it be as you wish.”

Mrs. Roberts looked up, tearfully. “Yes,” she barely whispered. “God is all merciful, so let Him…

The governor got up and came around the desk. It was not an easy time, but at least there was no need to tell this utterly miserable, but completely courageous, woman that her appeal for clemency had been denied. Neither of the women would ever know what the terrible pictures in the folder showed. It had been safely removed before the women had been admitted to the office.

The governor stood before both of the women and spoke with complete sincerity. “Thank you for coming. I’m very glad that you did. And, believe me, I understand and admire both of you. As you know, I’m a mother myself.”

The clemency secretary showed them out.

Content

The New Black Mask (№ 3)

Donald E. Westlake: An Interview

Donald E. Westlake Commentary on Good Behavior

Donald E. Westlake Good Behavior (Except)

Michael Gilbert A Pity About the Girl

Clark Howard Breaking Even

Linda Barnes Lucky Penny

Isak Romun The Grabber

James O’Keefe Death Makes a Comeback

Jim Thompson The Ripoff: part III

John Ball Appointment with the Governor