Sins & Secrets

Sins - 1

Jessica Sorensen

Seduction & Temptation

(Sins, #0.5)

Prologue

This day is turning out to be the strangest day of all days. It all started when I overheard my mother and father fighting, which is nothing new. My father had said something about giving up on my mother, making me worry that they’re going to get a divorce. Then the mafia families showed up, one of which was my dad’s sworn enemy and they locked themselves in my house and Layton and I out. I’m desperate to see what’s going on; desperate to know what on earth they could all be doing together.

“What do you think they’re doing in there? Something illegal I bet,” I say to my best friend, Layton Everett, as I try to peer through the window. The wooden box I’m standing on is wobbly and the window is so high up that, even on my tiptoes, I can’t see anything except the tops of people’s heads through the window.

Layton shrugs, glancing nervously around the backyard. “I don’t know Lola, and honestly, I don’t really care.”

I peek over my shoulder at him. “Your dad and mom are in there, too, you know. You have to be curious what they’re doing. All of them under one roof together. It’s weird”

“Not really.” He shakes his head and stuffs his hands into his pockets.

Layton is unlike most of the fourteen-year-old guys I know. He acts older, more mature. Even though I won’t admit it to him, it’s one of the things I like about him the most—that he acts more grown up and takes care of me and is always there for me when I get myself into trouble, which I’ll admit, is a lot.

The longer I stare at him, the more uneasy he becomes. He constantly has trouble telling me no, especially when I give him “the look.”

“Lola, please don’t look at me like that,” he says with a sigh. “I know you want to know what they’re doing in there, but…” He massages the back of his neck tensely. “Didn’t you notice they were all carrying guns?”

I shrug as I hop off the box and dust the dirt off my hands. “They’re always carrying guns. That’s what they do.”

“Yeah, but…” He seems way too tense, even for him, as he looks around the yard again. There are so many places for someone to hide back here. The yard is over-flourished with trees, shrubbery, a small vineyard, and acres and acres of flowers and grass; so I don’t get what he’s expecting to see.

Sighing, he leans in and lowers his voice, his silver-grey eyes filled with worry. “They’re all in there together. My dad and mom, your mom, your dad, Frankie and his guys, even the Defontelles are in there. There has to be something going on—something dangerous. You know they just don’t meet up like that.” He swallows hard. “In fact, the last time they were all in the same building together, people got killed.”

“How do you know that?” I wonder. I rarely know anything about my mother and father’s business world, and what I do know is from digging around; drug lords, dealings, bodyguards, guns—they’re always carrying them—stuff that I’m sure is illegal.

“My dad tells me stuff.” He looks sad as he says it, too. Without saying another word, he grabs me by the elbow and guides me over to the trees, away from the house. Once we’re hidden in the shadows, he lets go of me then sits down on the ground and stares at the land. “Sometimes I wish he wouldn’t.”

Confused, I sit down beside him and crisscross my legs. “Sometimes you wish he wouldn’t what?”

He picks at the grass. “Tell me stuff… I hate hearing about it… hearing about what I’m going to have to grow up to be.”

“You don’t have to be anything but what you want to be.” I grab his hand and hold onto it.

He shakes his head, staring down at our fingers laced together. “I have to, Lola. I don’t have another choice. It’s my destiny, or whatever, to live here, die here, and do exactly what my father does.” He seems even older at the moment; an adult trapped in a teenager’s body.

I sit there, listening to the wind blow, the grass dancing with the breeze. “We could always run away together,” I suggest. “You and I. If they can’t find you, they can’t make you take over the family business.”

He glances up at me, and for the briefest instant, he looks like he’s considering it, but then he frowns. “If I ran away from it, then it’d all fall on my brother’s shoulders. And could you imagine Benton in charge of things…?” He laughs, but it sounds completely off pitch, completely wrong. “That’d be a mess in the making. God, he’d probably get himself killed in a day.”

“He could change. He’s only twelve right now.” Layton gives me a sad look, however before he can protest, I add, “Just think about it.”

He hesitates then nods. “Okay, I will.”

I don’t believe him. Layton is the most loyal person I know, and I doubt he’ll ever actually run away and bail out on his family. Me? I don’t really have anything to run away from. My father’s business will go to his younger brother when he dies, not me.

“We should go do something fun.” I give Layton’s hand a squeeze.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know… maybe go downtown and see what kind of trouble we can get into.” I smile the smile I know he can’t say no to.

He tries to restrain a grin, but it eventually slips through. Then he gets up and pulls me to my feet. We start to walk back toward the house, holding hands, Layton’s mood lightening with each step.

“We should do this all the time,” he remarks, giving my hand a swing.

“Hold hands?” I question. “But then, wouldn’t people think we were like dating or something?”

He shrugs. “So what if they did?”

I look at him, wondering if he’s kidding. He seems dead serious, though, which confuses the shit out of me. I mean, we’ve been best friends for almost forever. And yeah, he’s cute and everything, with dark hair and gorgeous eyes—a lot of the girls at my school have crushes on him—yet I’ve never thought of him that way. I’ve never thought of anyone that way honestly, mainly because my mother has told me time and time again that I’m not allowed to date. Sometimes she gets so intense about me just being around guys that I swear she hates men.

I’m about to slip my hand out of Layton’s when I suddenly hear a scream. My head whips in the direction it’s coming from—the front area of the house.

“Just wait a minute,” Layton says with worry, but I’m already jerking my hand out of his and running for the front gate. “Lola, wait! You can’t just…” He trails off as he rounds the side of the house, just steps behind me.

I’ve stopped dead in my tracks. My mother is laying in the driveway, my father holding her lifeless body in his arms. I race over to them without thinking, tears already pouring out of my eyes.

“What happened?” I ask my father, the gasps in my voice alarming, unfamiliar. There’s no blood, no wounds on her. Her eyes are open and vacant while her lips are slightly parted and tinted blue.

He’s rocking her as he cradles her head in his arms. “She’s dead… I think she had a heart attack.”

“Call the ambulance then!” I cry, sinking to my knees. “Dad…” Oh, God, it hurts so much. I can’t breathe. The pain… I’ve never felt anything like it.

“Lola, it’s too late,” my father says with watery eyes as he nuzzles his cheek against the top of her head. "She's dead.”

I want to shout at him for giving up on her so soon. For not holding on. For letting whatever happened to her happen.

“I’ll call 911,” Layton says from behind me before I can start yelling at my father.

More tears pour from my eyes and I feel like I’m drowning in them. “Don’t give up on her, Dad. Don’t let her go.” I know that’s not what he meant when they’d been arguing this morning, but still, he needs to try harder. “Fucking hold onto her!” I scream.

His face drains of color as his eyes widen. His lips part to say something, but then he presses them together and starts to cry. Strangely, his eyes remain tearless, though.

I remain kneeling on the driveway in front of the house, confused, hurting, the pain crushing me, and I feel as though my world is shattering around me. I can barely see anything through the tears, but I do notice when Frankie Catherlson comes walking out of my house with his men. He doesn’t say a word to my father, just heads for his SUV parked amongst a line of similar ones. As he’s getting inside the passenger seat, he glances over his shoulder at me and gives me this look. It’s not quite a smile, yet it seems like he wants to, and then… he fucking winks at me.

My blood burns. My temper simmers. I start to rise to my feet to… Well, I’m not sure just yet. However, as I start to walk over there, Layton’s arms wrap around me. “Stay here, Lola.”

“I want to punch that grin off his face,” I growl, glaring at the back of the SUV. “He had something to do with this… I want to rip his throat out, Layton.” I’m shocked at my words, so venomous and full of hatred. So unlike me.

“Lola, calm down. It’s going to be okay. I promise. Just calm down, please, and let me take care of you.” He kisses the back of my head as I tremble from head to toe. Layton continues to hold me, saying things I can’t hear through the strange, strangled noise my father is making. I want to sit down by him, yet I can’t bring myself to take my eyes off Frankie’s SUV. I’m not sure what happened, but something tells me he had a hand in it.

After minutes go by, my legs grow weak against the shock settling in my body. I’m about to collapse into Layton’s arms when his father and mother come hurrying out of my house.

“Layton, get over here,” his father, Mr. Everett, barks at him, snapping his fingers. His father has never been a nice man, but he and my father have a decent relationship. Although, as he dismisses my father and dead mother in the driveway, all I see is an enemy.

“I promise I’ll be back in just a second,” Layton whispers in my ear, then his arms leave me and he heads over to his father.

I feel incredibly cold, incredibly weak, incredibly unstable, and I have no choice except to sink to the ground and watch in horror, anger—many different emotions—as Layton’s father orders him to get in the car with Frankie and then climbs in himself. As Layton gives me one last look as he gets in the back, his expression is filled with terror, sorrow, and remorse.

Then the door shuts, and moments later, the SUVs are pulling away. One by one, they leave me in the driveway with my father and dead mother, the sounds of screeching tires and ambulance sirens filling the air.

Chapter 1

Seven years later…

My day has been mellow for the most part, a rare but welcomed occasion. Ever since my mother died, good days are far and few between. But today seems so good it’s left me hoping that perhaps it would continue.

I wake up with no hangover, even after partying way too hard the night before. Then I manage to avoid my bodyguards, which is going to get me into trouble when I got home. But I’m in desperate need of some alone time to clear my head, so I sneak out and head to the cemetery to put flowers on my mama’s grave. Then I have a nice, long, one-sided conversation with the engraved stone. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a few weeks now, ever since I found the letter.

That goddamn letter that had flipped my already chaotic life upside down even more than it already was. I’d found it hidden in one of my mother’s jacket pockets while I was cleaning out her closet, something that should have been done a long time ago, but I had been holding on to the stuff that belonged to her.

It was written by my mama to a man named Everson Milantes, divulging to him that she thinks I might be his daughter, not the man I thought was my father and who had raised me for the last twenty-one years. The letter was never sent, probably because my mama passed away before she ever got the chance. It was strangely dated the night before she died—the night before I found my father holding her lifeless body in the driveway from what the paramedics declared a heart attack.

The letter changed everything in an instant—myself, my life, my father, my mother—which is exactly what I decide to tell the gravestone.

“I just don’t understand,” I say as I kneel down in the dirt, grasping a bouquet of sunflowers in my hand—my mother’s favorite flower. “Why did you never tell me… I thought you told me everything.” Which always seemed true when I was younger. To me, we’d always had more of a sisterly relationship than a mother/daughter one, which was good in the sense that it made up for me not having any siblings. We so open, without secrets, or at least, that’s what I had thought. But now, well, the letter unfortunately was just a number on an ever-growing list of secrets that I’d been discovering since my mother left this world, her death something that still haunts me to this day.

“I’m starting to wonder what else you didn’t tell me. What other lies I’m going to find out. There’ve been so many… And with the way you died… It’s just so hard to accept that it was a heart attack. I just want some answers to what happened that day.” I shake my head as tears start to sting my eyes. I refuse to go down that road again, a one-way road I was stuck on from the ages of fourteen to sixteen when I wouldn’t let my mother go. I became obsessed with why she died, refusing to believe anything. Even though I still don’t believe the lies, I have moved on because it was killing me inside.

And I think it’s time to do it again, to let go and move on, just in a different way.

I glance around the empty cemetery; the grass covered in headstones, the trees flourishing with leaves. It’s a beautiful, summer day, yet I feel so cold inside—so hollow. Just like this place. I simply want to get away, be somewhere else, and even though it sounds crazy, I swear the wind whispers that it’s okay to go.

Sighing, I set the flowers down in front of her headstone and kiss the tips of my fingers before pressing them to the stone, silently telling her what I think may be my final good-bye. Then I get to my feet and head out of the cemetery; not to my car, but to the park down the street. I need more time to think, to process, to work up the courage to finally do what I’ve wanted to do since I found the letter, maybe even before that. I think part of me has always wanted to do it since the day I suggested it to Layton, to just up and move. To leave everything behind. My life. My friends. My family and all the money and connections that come along with it. To run away.

I’ve been living a life of lies and deceit for too long, and I want to start over and perhaps go find this Everson guy, find out what he knows about the letter; if he knows I may be his daughter. I’m curious what he looks like, who he is, what kind of person he was and is now. Is he like my father, good to his family but his morals and choices perhaps a little twisted and dangerous, or does he simply live a quiet, boring life? I did some searching around for him, however I didn’t find out anything. The only thing I have is the address on the envelope the letter was in, but that was from over six years ago.

After wandering around for about an hour, I finally gather enough strength to go back to my car to go home and pack up my shit. I turn around and cross the grass toward the exit area of the park. Although, right as I’m stepping out of the security of the gated area and onto the sidewalk beside the street, a sleek, black, and very expensive SUV with tinted windows pulls up to the curb.

I know this life well enough to know what’s behind those doors—I’ve been warned by my father since I was five and seen firsthand what kind of people drive around in them. They are the type of men who are the reason I usually have bodyguards with me.

I whirl around to run, but I barely have time to react as two very large, bulky men wearing black suits and sunglasses, all Men in Black-like, jump out of the car and come barreling at me. I open my mouth to scream, yet they grab me by the arms and one of them slaps a hand over my mouth, right there in broad daylight, which means they have nothing to fear. And no fear means they have connections, probably to one of my dad’s many enemies. The question is, which one? It might not seem important, but at the moment, it’s more important than breathing. Who it is could be the difference of whether I’ll walk out of this alive.

I have hardly any time to come up with an answer, though, as I’m roughly forced into the backseat of the car. As I land face first, bumping my head onto the roof, I try to get a few kicks in, but my struggles are effortless. Before I know it, I have a bag over my head, my hands are tied behind my back, and the car is speeding off.

“Who the hell are you?” I growl through the dark fabric, hoping for someone to reply, then maybe I can figure out who it is. However, the only thing I get in response is a low chuckle and a brush of a finger up my bare thigh to the edge of my shorts. When their hand slips up the front of me and cops a feel of my breast, the touch stands the hair on the back of my neck on end and my stomach churns. I vow to myself that, if I get out of this, I’m going to make the fucker pay.

Instead of causing more drama, I bite down on my lip and force myself to stay silent and remain still. This is what I have been taught to do as a defense mechanism. The last thing I need is to piss the wrong person off or get so worked up I can’t think clearly. It’s in the Preparation for When Kidnapped Handbook, and I’m not talking metaphorically. There was an actual handbook, given to me by my father on my eighth birthday.

“Lolita, nothing will ever conquer you if you don’t show any fear,” my daddy said as I’d torn the wrapping paper off the present then frowned at the thin leather-bound book inside. “In our world, never show fear. Never let it own you. Always be strong or else you won’t survive. This book will teach you to do just that.” It was a family heirloom, and honestly, I’d thought he was insane, but I still read it. I wanted to make him proud, up until my mother passed away. After that, our relationship turned rocky.

Now, I can’t help thinking how right he was, though. Fear is the enemy. Fear is making my head foggy, making me think irrational ideas like throwing myself forward and trying to escape blind. Crying. Screaming. I need a level head if I’m going to accomplish anything.

Deep breaths.

Stay calm.

Breathe.

Twenty minutes later, I’m still sitting in the backseat of the car, squeezed between the two sweaty, smelly men. My heart’s racing in my chest, despite how much I’m telling it to shut the fucking hell up. I try to steady my breathing, stable my heart rate, inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth, let my muscles unravel. Think of something relaxing. Reading… sleeping… taking a bath… They all seem okay, somewhat relaxing, but if I’m honest with myself, I need to think of something that actually relaxes me—the real me, the one hardly anyone knows. Drinking… shots… beating the shit out of the guy beside me… sex… hot, sweaty sex. It might be messed up, yet it makes me feel the slightest bit content.

After I get about as calm as I can—still somewhat jittery, though, and with way too much adrenaline pumping through my bloodstream—I sink back in the seat and assess what I can about my surroundings.

The engine is humming and I can hear the sound of the wind, which means the car’s moving and the windows are rolled down. I think about the weapons I have on me. Brass knuckles and mace in my purse, but I dropped it when the guys grabbed me back at the park. I do have a small knife in a holster hidden inside my boot, but how the hell am I supposed to get it out when my hands are bound and I can’t see a damn thing?

Turning my head to the side, I strain to see through the bag. The sunlight faintly slips through the fabric, and I can make out the top of one of the guy’s heads beside me. I wonder if he’s watching me; if he’s thinking about touching me again. I want to rip his hand off for touching me already.

I’m evaluating my options—keep sitting, try to fight blind, cause a scene—when the car comes to a screeching halt. I hear the driver mutter something, then a door opens and the guy to the side of me gets out. I start to let out a breath of relief, but then he either climbs back in or someone else takes his place.

Moments later, the scent of cologne and cigarettes grace my nostrils. I realize there’s definitely someone different sitting next to me since the previous guy stank like BO. There’s something very familiar about the scent, too… I know it from somewhere. I try to think of all the parties I’ve attended, the “family gatherings.” Is that why the person smells familiar? Have I met them at one of those perhaps?

I feel the person shift in the seat and I cringe as their warm breath caresses my cheek. “Just calm down, Lola,” they whisper softly as I clench my hands into fists. Then, their finger brushes the inside of my wrist, a comforting gesture only one person in my life has ever used on me, and suddenly I realize who it is. “Everything will be okay.”

Boy, oh, boy, do I know that voice. What’s more, now I know just how much trouble I’m in, who’s behind the kidnapping, and how slim things are looking for me ever seeing the light of day again. Dead—I’m pretty sure that’s how I’m going to end up.

Sitting beside me is Layton Everett, a guy who used to be my best friend when we were younger, but now he works for my family’s enemy, the Catherlson. Frankie is their leader, the guy who grinned and winked at me the day my mother died. He has despised my father more than any other drug lord on the east coast and has been trying to set my father up and get him killed. He even put a hit on my father once when I was about seven, but it was quickly taken off when my father retaliated, which has always made me question why the hell Frankie was at my house the day my mother died. Of course, I’m not supposed to know any of this, however the house I grew up in had cathedral ceilings that caused every conversation to carry throughout the rooms and hallways.

“I should have known you had something to do with this,” I say spitefully to Layton. My words carry no truth to them, though. Even after my mother died, Layton and I still remained friends for quite a while. He never would tell me why he got into the car with Frankie that day or what his father said to him. And about a week after the funeral, all was well in our drug lord world again. Mr. Everett and my father were friends once more, both despising Frankie Catherlson. No more strange meetings were held.

All was right in our crazy, mad world, up until a couple of months ago when I heard from one of my few female friends that Layton had shown up at a party with Frankie’s men. He didn’t even have the balls to tell me himself, nor did he offer me any explanation when I confronted him, nor have we talked since. I’ll admit, part of my anger stems from the fact that I’ve always believed Frankie had something to do with my mother’s death, and Layton knows my theory, even though he doesn’t believe it.

“Lola, don’t start with me, please,” Layton warns, his fingers leaving my wrist. “You’re only going to get yourself into trouble if you get that mouth of yours going.”

“Fuck you.” I lean into him, lifting my leg and moving my foot around until I find his shin, and then I kick as hard as I can. “You traitor.”

“Dammit, Lola,” he curses, jerking his leg away from mine. “Stop acting like a psychopath.”

“Stop acting like a psychopath? Are you serious?” I’d gape at him, but it’d be pointless since he can’t see my face beneath the bag. “I got picked up while I was innocently walking in the park, felt up by a middle-aged man with the worst combover I’ve ever seen, then bound and thrown into the back of a car, and now you show up and what? Expect me to act sane? I’m not even sane when everything’s fine. You know that.”

There’s a pause. “Innocently walking in the park,” he mumbles, his voice dripping with playful sarcasm, the tone he used to use with me all the time. “I highly doubt that. You’re never doing anything innocently.”

He’s right, but I’m not about to admit that to him. “Where are you taking me?” I ask, slumping back in the seat, pissed off that I feel more relax about this situation now that he’s sitting here beside me. He’s always had that way about him; which was fine when we were friends, but now it just makes the situation more dangerous. It makes me more trusting towards someone who’s my enemy. Remember who he is now. “I’m assuming to Frankie, but I’m wondering why. Did he decide to finish the rest of my family off?”

“Lola, please don’t start with that,” Layton begs. “Your mother died of a heart attack. You need to accept that.”

“Keep her quiet, Layton,” a deep voice advises from the front seat.

It takes Layton a second to answer, the rhythm of his breathing surprisingly unsteady for him. “It has to do with your father,” he says quietly. “He’s in trouble.”

My entire body goes rigid, my already amped-up adrenaline skyrocketing. “What does Frankie want with my father this time? Money? Drugs? Revenge? More Anelli blood on his hands? Usually he’s more set on getting my father killed, not kidnapping his daughter, but I guess his many failed attempts have probably made him desperate.”

Another maddening pause from Layton, then I feel him slant closer to me, his body heat potently familiar. “It’s not what Frankie wants from your father, but what he wants from you, which is for you to pay your father’s debt.”

“Debt?” I’m thrown off by this bit of information and my voice comes out way louder than intended. “Since when does my dad owe Frankie anything?"

“Since he came to him to borrow money about six months ago.” He pauses while I try to wrap my mind around the idea, yet it doesn’t make sense.

“But we’re wealthy…” I try to argue. “What did he need the money for?"

“I’m not sure exactly.” His voice is tight, tense.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

He sighs heavy-heartedly. “Look, Lolita, your father’s in some serious trouble. And I mean really big trouble. ”

“Don’t call me that,” I mutter, loathing that he used the full name my mother used to call me all the time. Ever since she died, it doesn’t feel right for anyone to use it. “It’s Lola. And what sort of trouble? Tell me what’s going on.”

“Keep her damn mouth shut, Layton,” the same person warns again, and this time, I recognize the baritone voice. Tony Madman Makafee, one of Frankie’s guards, the one who does his “dirty work.”

Shit. I’m now officially dirty work. This is bad. Worse than what I originally thought. People who go with Tony not only never ever seen again, but get tortured in the most painful ways possible until they take their last breath.

“What does Frankie want from me?” I whisper to Layton, scooting closer to him on the seat until our shoulders and legs our touching.

Layton blows out a stressed breath, and I can almost visualize him running his hands through his hair, like he used to do all the time whenever I was making him anxious. “Lolita, please just be quiet.” He gently puts a hand on my leg. “This will all be over soon, and if you cooperate, then it should go smoothly.”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” I jerk my knee out from under his hand. “And I highly doubt this is going to go smoothly. In fact, I’m guessing this is probably the last time you and I will talk ever again. And the last time I’ll be breathing.”

“You think I’m going to kill you?” He sounds so shocked and appalled.

“Maybe not you, but I know that’s Tony up there, and he’s infamous for his whacks.”

“Lola, I would never let that happen to you. I swear to God, I’d kill myself before I’d kill you, and it hurts that you don’t know that.”

“You’re letting me be here,” I snap. “Bound and blindfolded in the backseat of the car. That’s not any better—”

“God fucking dammit, Layton! I told you to shut her the fuck up!” Tony growls. I hear the sound of fabric brushing against leather, then the light through the mask dims.

“Tony, that’s not necessary.” There’s an edge to Layton’s tone. His body heat is suffocating me as he slants nearer to me, our shoulders pressing together and his arm aligning with mine, our fingers inches apart. If I didn’t know better, I’d guess he was trying to comfort me. However I do know better. I won’t make the mistake thinking Layton will put me before his job and the duty he feels toward his family. “She’ll be quiet.”

“I already gave her three chances,” Tony replies. I hear him climb over the seat. Moments later, he plops down beside me so close his knee is crushing against mine. “This way’s a lot easier.”

“What way?” I flinch back, trying to get away from Tony and closer to Layton. “Don’t fucking touch me, douche bag, or I swear to God—”

Before I can finish the sentence, a needle pricks my forearm then enters my vein. Shit, this isn’t… good…

“Layton… help…” I hate the plea in my voice, but I have no other option at the moment. I’m slipping out of consciousness. I’ll be more helpless than I ever have… weak… “Please… do… something…”

And he does. He catches me as I fall back and black out.

Chapter 2

When I open my eyes again, I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, every single one of my limbs aching. The spot on my arm where the needle entered burns, too. I wonder what kind of drug they doped me up with and if it has any side effects. My vision is a little blurry and my head hurts, but I’m coherent enough to get my bearings.

I’m lying face first with my cheek pressed against the icy, cold, cement floor of a large warehouse filled with boxes and metal crates that make a perimeter around the walls. There are also a few large, stocky, bulky men—none of which I recognize, but assume are bodyguards—standing around me. There’s also a television and Frankie Catherlson. Just seeing him makes me want to strangle him as I think about that look he gave me the day I saw my mother dead.

He had to have something to do with it. I don’t care what anyone says.

Frankie is surprisingly a very short and stocky man who has these bushy eyebrows that look like two, very furry caterpillars. Despite his lack in body features, he always dresses to impress in designer suits and shoes, gold jewelry, and diamond encrusted watches. They are ways to scream that, despite his small demeanor, he’s still got his wealth, and how he got his wealth makes him important. He doesn’t want to be underestimated, and he’ll kill you if he gets a chance. And now just might be his chance to kill me, depending on how this plays out.

His black slacks match his button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showing his aged skin. There’s a holster on each of his sides, both carrying guns.

As I push to my feet, I can’t seem to take my eyes off the guns. I wonder how many people he’s killed with them. I wonder how many people my father has killed. I wonder how many Layton has killed.

Where is Layton?

It’s not like these thoughts have never crossed my mind before. In the world I grew up in, death is common. It’s easy to lose someone close to you from death, and it’s equally as easy for someone close to you to cause the death of another. I’ve known this since I was four and lost the first person close to me. Dale, my bodyguard since birth.

We weren’t close, me being a child and him being an adult and big enough that, at the time, I believed he was part giant. However, I can remember crying when my father sat me down and told me Dale was never coming back. What made it worse was when I’d overheard my father and mother talking about how he died in a conversation they thought was private. He’d had every one of his fingers broken off, then he’d been shot simply because he worked for my father and my father had pissed some drug dealers off.

Right now, I am actually living it—the possibility that I could get shot right here—and it makes the reality my father has tried to protect me from all these years painfully real. It makes me regret ditching my bodyguards this morning, makes me regret a lot of things.

Frankie watches with delight as I struggle to get to my feet and gain my balance. “Lolita, it’s so nice to see you again,” he says with a stupid smirk on his face. “You’re looking as beautiful as ever.” His gaze sweeps me in, lingering on the section of my shirt that’s torn—God knows how it got that way. “All grown up, I see.”

“Don’t stand there and chat like we’re good friends,” I say as I clutch my throbbing head. “I don’t even know you other than you’re an asshole who likes to try and get my father into trouble.” And who grinned and winked at me when my mother died.

He cocks his head to the side, his forehead wrinkling as he assesses me. “Oh, how I love feisty woman.” He pauses, stepping toward me with his hands at his sides as if his fingers itch to take out the guns. “And you’re wrong about the friend’s part. We just haven’t seen each other in a while.”

I roll my eyes. “The only times I’ve,” I make air quotes, “’seen you’ are when you were either getting your ass kicked by my father for being a rat, and of course, the time you came over to my house and my mother…” Why can’t I just say it aloud? Confront him. Just spit it out, Lola!

He continues to grin, but there’s darkness in his eyes. I’ve struck a nerve. “Just as sassy as your mother.” He pauses again, walking so close to me I can see the scar on his forehead that runs across his hairline. Rumor has it, when Frankie was younger, his father went bat-shit crazy and cut him there. “I’m wondering what other talents of your mother’s you have.” As he stops just short of me, the way he leers at me makes me squirm in my skin. “Maybe we should find out.”

I want to clock him in the face—and probably would, too—but my hands are still bound. So, instead, I say, “Don’t fucking talk about my mother. Ever,” I growl. “You didn’t know her, so don’t pretend you did.”

That makes him laugh. “Everyone knew Lalana, Lola. Most men better than you, probably.”

I hate the way he annunciates men. I’m about to snap at him, tear open the wound and let myself bleed out, just to get in a few good lines and threats, however the metal door to my right swings open and in walks Layton.

I give him the coldest glare I can muster, more enraged than I ever have been at him before. This isn’t the Layton I used to know; his eyes are colder, his shoulders carrying more weight, probably from the lives he’s taken in the name of his job. He used to be so caring, so protective.

There was one time when we were about fifteen and I’d beaten the shit out of Manny Depler for grabbing my ass while I was heading to class. Layton took the fall for it when the Delper clan had showed up for payback. They beat him up pretty good; broken arm, bloody nose, which still has a tiny kink in it now. When I’d asked Layton why he had taken the fall, he’d simply said, “Because I care more about you than I do myself. I’d rather get hurt than see you get hurt.”

But seeing him here, his expression hard as tone, I decide things have dramatically changed.

“Perfect timing, Layton,” Frankie says. “Lolita and I were just finished getting reacquainted.”

“It’s Lola,” I say coldly as my gaze cuts to Frankie. “No one’s allowed to call me Lolita unless I give them permission.”

Frankie’s eyelids lower as he aims me a look of warning. “Maybe I was wrong. You seem more like your father with that mouth of yours—never knowing when to shut the fuck up.” He slowly draws one of his pistols out, not aiming at me, but carrying it to his side with his finger hovering on the trigger. “I could make you shut up, make it so you can never speak again.”

I should be more afraid than I am—maybe it’s shock, maybe it’s madness—but for some reason, I feel calm.

But Layton is nervous, tensing as he stops to the side of me. “Easy, Frankie. There’s no use shooting her just yet when she hasn’t done what you need her to do.”

Frankie rubs his jawline that’s covered in grey whiskers. “Good point.” He tucks the gun back into the holster, then he paces the floor. “Where to start. Where to start.” He wavers, amusedly.

“Just tell me why am I here,” I demand.

Layton grazes his finger along the inside of my wrist, though instead of welcoming his touch, I move my arm away. He frowns but doesn’t utter a word.

Frankie’s smile broadens as he continues to pace the floor, pointing his finger at me. “That’s a very good question.”

“It wasn’t a quest—” I start to say, but Layton snatches ahold of my wrist, rather roughly, and then gives me a pleading, pressing glance.

Please be careful, he mouths.

I hate admitting it, yet he’s right. No matter how bad I want to put Frankie in his place, now is not the time. I just hope I get another time—another chance to make him pay for everything.

I bite down on my tongue and stay quiet as Frankie strolls toward the television and turns it on. He doesn’t say a word; he simply steps back and lets me watch the screen. It’s a video of my father chained to a chair, his shoulders slumped, blood dripping down his head and pooling around his feet. I want to cry out as a hefty man with arms the size of my legs steps up to my father and starts beating him with a metal pole, slamming it against him repeatedly, causing more blood to stream onto the floor. The cracking sounds make me sick, but what’s worse is the silence of my father, as if he’s been so beaten he can’t even muster up a single noise.

“That’s enough,” I say after about five minutes of watching the screen in horror. Layton is still holding onto my arm, which is good in a way because, otherwise, I may have buckled to the floor. Between the sedative and watching my father bloody and battered, I’m feeling a little lightheaded.

Frankie lets the video play for a minute more just to torture me then turns the television off and faces me. “You’re going to do a hit on Anthony Defontelles in exchange for your father’s freedom and life.” He says it as if it’s the simplest thing to do, as if I’m a natural-born killer.

“No way.” I shake my head as I scan the warehouse for an easy exit, but unfortunately, there are guards everywhere. Layton’s fingertips dig into my arms, as if sensing I’m going to try to run for it. “I’m not a hit man, nor will I ever do anything for you.”

“Are you sure about that?” Frankie considers this for a while then ultimately shakes his head. “This isn’t an argument, Lolita.” When he then winks at me, the pain and anger I felt when my mother died and he did the same thing makes rage blaze inside me. If I’m going to kill anyone tonight, it’s going to be him.

Unexpectedly, he strides toward me, eliminating the space between us as he gets in my face. All I’d have to do is reach forward and wrap my fingers around his neck. Frankie grins as if he can read my mind and is daring me to try, daring me to go there, be like him and everyone else in this world I was just about to run away from.

Layton shifts toward me, his shoulder brushing mine, either protecting me or Frankie, I’m not sure.

“You will do it or you’ll never see your father again. Alive anyway,” Frankie sneers.

I start to inch toward him, but Layton pulls me back. “Even if I agree to do it, I don’t know how to kill,” I say, painfully realizing it’s the truth. I can act tough, however I’m not a killer. Even if I found out Frankie did have something to do with my mother’s death, I doubt I could get revenge for her.

The room starts to spin, and I’m worried I’m going to pass out. Breath in. Breath out. I fight it, standing my ground while telling myself I’m strong, despite how weak I feel inside.

Fear. It’s potent. And I’m overwhelmed by it.

As Frankie reaches out and grazes my cheek with his finger, strokes it like I’m his pet, I refuse to flinch, move back, or surrender. “Do you know what happens to people who don’t pay their debts to me, Lolita?” Frankie asks, his fingers lingering on my cheek. “I put them in a safe and drop them alive in the lake so they slowly drown and have a lot of time to reflect on their pathetic lives.” His voice deepens, carrying the threat perfectly.

My stomach burns along with my temper, anger simmering under my veins like liquid fire. “Why…? How does my father owe you?” I ask cautiously. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

His lips slowly curl upward into a wicked grin. “God, there’s so much you don’t know about your own family. Yes, even I like to keep my daughter secluded from this world, but you…” He glances over me with a look on his face, like he’s just tasted something sour. “You’re so out of the loop. So naïve. So… clueless. He thinks he’s protecting you when all he’s doing is putting you more in harm’s way, just like he did with your mother.”

A thousand questions burn at my tongue. “I know more than you think,” I lie. “Even about my mother.”

We exchange a look and it’s at that moment I know. I’ve been right. There’s more to my mother’s death than a heart attack.

“If you say so, then I guess you do,” Frankie says in a condescending tone. In the elongated pause after his words, it feels like my entire world’s falling down, about to crumble out from under me. Although, it’s probably always been cracked since I was born, and I’ve been dangerously walking around on it without a clue as to when it’s going to break.

“Now agree to make the hit and this will all be over. You’ll be free to go.” He motions at the television. “Your father will be free to go, and you can ask him all the questions you want.”

I grow more and more wary the longer I stare at the trace of a smirk on Frankie’s face. “Yeah, right,” I say. “Like it’s just that simple. I make the kill and then you just what? Let me and my father go, unharmed?”

He shrugs, crossing his arms. “Well, you will be responsible for the kill.”

Fuck me a thousand ways. I am clueless. Why didn’t I realize this the moment he said it? “So that’s what this is really about. I kill Anthony and that pretty much starts a war between the Anelli’s and Defontelles’. That’s what this is about, right?”

“Maybe, but would it really even matter to you?” he asks. “Technically, you’re not an Anelli but an Ander.”

That’s because my mother wanted me to take her name, I want to argue defensively. It’s always been a sore spot, but now it’s even sorer since I’m not quite sure where my bloodline lies. Therefore, instead, all I say is, “That’s for protection, if needed.”

He cocks a brow. “You think that’s the real reason? Or did it ever cross your mind that it might be something else? Like maybe he knew you didn’t have it in your blood to be an Anelli.”

The letter flashes through my mind and stops any words from leaving my lips. Maybe I was named Anders because my father knew I wasn’t a true Anelli. Perhaps he’s known all this time. But then, why take me on as his own? Why not leave my mother when he found out she was pregnant or whenever she told him? He has a temper, and I can only imagine how angry this sort of thing would make him.

“So what’s it going to be, Lolita?” Frankie asks. “Live or die? Brave or weak? Anders or Anelli?”

There isn’t much to say after that. I don’t verbally agree to do it, though I don’t have to. I don’t really a choice in the end. Either way, I’m going to be responsible for a death tonight, so it might as well be someone that isn’t my father.

Chapter 3

After I make the agreement, Frankie orders Layton to take me into the backroom to give me details about the hit and to let me change into something more club appropriate.

“Where the hell did you get these cloths?” I ask as I rummage through the pile that’s on a stack of boxes. I pick up one of the dresses and notice that it looks very familiar. “Wait? Did you get this from my room?”

Layton shrugs as he takes out one of his guns and pulls out the magazine to check the bullets. He has his jacket off, his holster showing over his black t-shirt. “I picked some up while I was there getting your father.”

I turn to him, astounded. “Wait? You helped with my father’s kidnapping?”

He pushes the magazine back into the gun then puts it back into the holster. “I had to, Lola. I work for Frankie now and have to follow his orders.” He doesn’t make eye contact with me, instead bending down to make sure he has his knife tucked in his boot.

I clutch the dress in my hand. “Were you there when I was being shoved in the car? When I smacked my head and then was assaulted?” I’m flabbergasted. I’d assumed he’d gotten in the car later on, but now I’m wondering if I was wrong.

His attention snaps up to me, his eyes wide. “No, of course I wasn’t.” He starts to reach for me, but then glances over his shoulder at the shut door and withdraws his hand to his side, his worried expression shifting to neutral. “Look, could you just get dressed?” He looks down at the watch on his wrist. “We need to be at the club in less than an hour if this is going to work.”

“If this is going to work.” I shake my head, pissed off. “Who the hell are you?”

“I’m the guy that’s going to make sure you see this through to the end,” he says with no emotion in his voice. “Now get dressed.”

I narrow my eyes at him, hating that I can’t actually despise him. “Turn around so I can get dressed.”

He presses his lips together. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Fucking turn around, Layton.” My voice is eerily calm as I struggle to keep the emotion out, the hurt out. If it had been any of Frankie’s other guys, I’d probably be beaten and raped by this point, so I should be grateful for Layton, however there’s too much pain from the betrayal.

When he doesn’t say anything but does what I ask and turns around, I quickly change into the dress, my fingers trembling the entire time. “There, you can turn around,” I tell him as I sit down on the boxes to put my boots on.

He slowly turns around and watches me as I slip my foot into the boot and zip it up. I’m about to put the other one on when he kneels down in front of me and reaches for my thigh.

“Don’t touch me.” I start to get up to move away from him, but he pulls me down; not roughly, but gently, like he’s still my best friend. Then he reaches for a hostler that’s on one of the boxes. Without saying a word, he straps it to my leg. The graze of his knuckles against my flesh cause unwelcomed bolts of pleasure, and I have to fight to keep the moans in. After he gets it fastened, he reaches for one of his guns and tucks it in my holster before pulling the bottom of my dress down to cover it up.

“There. I think you’re ready.”

I put my hand over the gun and stare up at him. “I could shoot you right now, you know?”

“But you won’t,” he says with indescribable pain, sorrow, and remorse haunting his eyes. It’s like we’re fourteen again and he’s getting into Frankie’s SUV while I stay with my dead mother. “You don’t have it in you.”

“Maybe I do,” I argue. “Maybe it’s just a side you haven’t seen before.”

He shakes his head with confidence. “No, Lola. You’re not a killer.” He reaches forward and brushes my cheek with his finger, sadness creeping through the mask he’s been wearing. There’s something haunting him, something dark, but what?

“If you really believe that, then what the hell do you think’s going to happen tonight?” I ask as I get to my feet. “You’re not telling me everything. I can feel it.”

“I’m not telling you a lot of things,” he mutters then sighs before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. He then whispers in my ear, “I’m so sorry, Lola.” With that, he turns and walks out of the room, leaving me more confused than ever, something I didn’t think was possible.

Chapter 4

I’m having one of those moments when I’m reflecting on every single bad thing I’ve done in my past. Every bad decision I’ve made. The path I followed that led me to this moment in time. Wondering exactly who paved that path. Me? My mother? Father? Dammit, who am I?

My mind is racing, and my body still hurts from the sedative and the hijacking. While my pulse throbs, the music in the club pounding deep inside my body, my skin remains damp and my body numb from the multiple drinks I’ve consumed.

I have on a short, backless, black dress Layton took from my house. The sides are intentionally torn and show off a flower tattoo on the side of my lower thigh and an intricate dandelion one in the center of my back. A pair of lace-up boots covers my feet and half of my legs. And a thick, leather collar is around my neck. My long, black hair’s done up on the top of my head in waves and curls, and I have three studs above my eyebrows. My lips are stained a fiery red to cover up the cut I got while being thrown in the backseat, the vamped color matching my painted nails.

The real icing on the cake to my attire is the 9mm pistol in a holster strapped to my thigh, the one that’s been taunting me since Layton put it there. The metal is icy cold against my skin and sends goose bumps erupting all over my legs. I have a very intense urge to reach up my dress, pull it out, and throw it in the trashcan. However, it would probably bust the plan to shit, and a lot is riding on me not screwing this up, despite the fact that Layton thinks I’m going to. At least, that’s what I’ve decided since he walked out on me in the backroom without answering me.

“Would you relax?” Layton places a hand on my knee to get me to stop bouncing it. “It’s really important that you keep calm, Lola.” It’s the same thing he’s been saying to me since we left the warehouse. “Otherwise, this isn’t going to work.”

“And how do you suppose I do that?” I tip my head and tap my lip, pretending to think deeply, sarcasm dripping from my voice. “I mean, I’m here, not under my own freewill, and all of this—what I’m about to do—all relies on something I don’t want to do nor do you believe I can do. Plus, I hate doing things I don’t want to do. And if I do go through with it, I could easily end up getting caught, go to jail or get shot, or get a hit put on me.”

I tear my eyes off the dance floor and focus on his hand that’s on top of my knee. “And touching isn’t part of the deal, just like watching me change wasn’t.” I elevate my gaze to Layton’s silverfish-blue eyes and arch my eyebrow. “So hands off.”

During a different time in our lives, I would have loved to have his hand on my knee. There’s no denying that Layton is sexy as hell with his dark, messy hair; tattooed body; and long, lean arms. What’s more, he used to be a good, caring, nice person—at least to me—but not anymore. Now there’s something dark living inside him, something I’ve never seen before, something that’s haunting him, something I don’t understand but want to.

His lips quirk as he removes his hand from my knee. “If that’s what you want, Lolita,” he picks up his glass filled with scotch, “then I’ll oblige.”

I narrow my eyes at him as I reach for my own glass of scotch. “Then you’ll oblige? What the hell happened to you? You’re too…”

“Too what?” he challenges, wetting his lips with his tongue, causing my gaze to unintentionally zero in on his tongue ring. It makes my thighs burn for the sensation of the metal to graze along my skin; for his lips to be between my legs, his tongue licking me. It’s such the wrong moment to be thinking this, but I can’t help it. Sex has a sedating effect on me, and when I’m anxious, I want it.

“Too calm for this type of situation,” I tell him. “Is it because you don’t think I’ll do it?”

He searches my eyes briefly before his gaze drifts to my legs then back up my body again. “What I think is that you’re hot and bothered.”

I flip him off. “Fuck you.”

“I think that’s the problem, Lolita.”

I bite down on my lip and tell myself to remain composed. To try to remember when we were teenagers and our life was school, fun, excitement, and nothing else—not a worry in the world. Hot summer nights where breaking curfew, stealing bottles of expensive scotch from our daddies’ liquor cabinets, and the occasionally harmless brawl was the biggest risk we ever took. But we’re not friends anymore, and we’re not teenagers. We’re twenty-one-year-old adults who are about to break the law for different reasons.

I shake the glass in a circular motion, and the ice swishes around. “How many times do I have to tell you, it’s Lola? No one’s called me Lolita since—”

“Since you were fourteen-years-old and Billy Maders found out the meaning of Lolita is seductress and everyone started calling you a whore.” He raises his glass to his lips and takes a long swallow before setting the glass down. “Yeah, I remember what happened. It was totally not true since you were a virgin, but you took it so defensively.”

He’s actually wrong; well, not about the virgin part. I stopped wanting to be called Lolita the day my mother died because she’d always called me that. Yet I never told anyone the real reason and blamed in on the Billy thing, being way overdramatic on purpose.

“Would you stop acting like we’re friends?” I ask, irritated that he knows me so well. He’s supposed to be the enemy, but it’s hard to look at him like that when I’ve known him since we were being potty trained. “We’re not anymore. Not after today.”

“That’s your choice,” he says in a tight voice. “And I don’t blame you for that.”

“Please just stop acting so… indifferent about everything.” I take a long sip of my drink, noting how he observes my neck muscles as I swallow. “Just because you decided to go work for Frankie, doesn’t mean you have to act like you don’t care about anything anymore.”

“I didn’t decide to work for Frankie.” His jaw tightens as he looks over at the bartender. “There were circumstances that led up to it.”

“What circumstances?” I set the glass down on the countertop and eye him over. “Because, from what I heard, you went to Frankie looking for a job. Or was that just a rumor?” I note how stiff his shoulders are, how tight his jaw is, the firm grasp he has on the drink. Tension is flowing off him. “There’s more to it than that, isn’t there? Are you in some kind of trouble? You know, you can tell me if you are. I’d understand and I could maybe try to help.”

He shakes his head, grinding his teeth. “Look around you. You’re in no position to be trying to help anyone but yourself.”

“You could at least tell me… I used to be your best friend.” I sound completely innocent at the moment, just like Frankie stated back at the warehouse. I don’t like it at all, however if there is one person who can bring an emotional side out of me, it’s Layton.

His eyes widen as he looks back at me, startled by the emotion in my voice. “Lola, I…” He blows out a frustrated breath and then rakes his fingers roughly through his hair. “Please, just drop it, okay?” He angles his hand and knocks back the rest of his drink then slams the glass down so hard it cracks up the side. “You don’t want to go sticking your nose around in Frankie or mine’s business, especially with what’s going on with your father. Worry about your own damn problems.”

“Is that a threat from Frankie or you?” I cross my arms and narrow my eyes at him. “Tell me, did you feel bad at all when Tony stabbed me with a needle?”

“I didn’t like letting him do that to you, but I knew it had to be done.” His voice is impassive, his expression blank—detached.

“Wow.” It’s all I can say because I’m hurt, but I’ll never admit it. “All those years of friendship and this is what we’ve turned into. It’s sad and tragic.”

“Tragic? Don’t be overdramatic, Lola.” He sighs yet doesn’t disagree with me about our friendship no longer existing, and it stings a little. “I wish things could be different,” he mumbles, “but it’s not possible.”

I don’t say anything because I don’t know what else to say. He’s right. I wish things could be different, too, but after this—especially after what I do tonight—I can’t see that ever happening.

As unsettling silence stretches between us. Thoughts of why I’m here at the club resurface, I try to think about anything else, but nothing works. The gun is chilly against my skin, and I put my hand on the spot where my dress covers it, wondering how much colder it’s going to feel when it’s in my hand.

“I still don’t get why this happened. How my father could possibly be in debt to Frankie.” I wait for Layton to say something, even though I know he won’t. He silently checks his watch and then orders another drink, downing it the moment he gets it into his hands. After two songs play through and Layton hasn’t done anything but drink and stare at the front door, I say, “This is really depressing.”

“That it is,” he agrees without looking at me.

I take in his firm jawline, the confliction in his expression, the silence. God, the silence is driving me mad, although I know if I speak again, we’ll probably just fight, so I keep my mouth shut and turn my knees inward as a group of guys come wandering by dressed in spikes, leather collars, gloves, dark clothes, and chains. One even has horns tattooed on his head.

Devils & Demons has a strict gothic dress code. Layton and I almost didn’t get in because of his poor choice in clothing; leather pants and a fitted black shirt apparently aren’t enough, although his ass does look amazing in the pants. He was never into Goth, though I’m sure he could pull it off—he can pull off anything.

I, however, was the opposite and went through a phase when I was around sixteen-years-old and saved a lot of my clothing from then. Besides that, the studs in my brows and tattoos are just me, no dressing up needed. I like to consider my body a canvas—just like the ones I paint and sketch on—and paint it up whenever I can. If I could, I’d leave this life and make a career of it. Well, the art part, not my body.

As Layton tracks the group of guys from the corner of his eye, I can see the distaste in his expression. “They have some unique people around here,” he says, raising his eyebrows. “I honestly don’t get why the Defontelles want to own a club like this.”

Vomit burns at the back of my throat at the mention of the name Defontelles and what I’m about to do to one of them.

“Unique isn’t bad,” I tell him in an unsteady voice. “In fact, I prefer unique over ordinary, and who knows, maybe all those guys are really good people. They probably are… better than me.” I reach for my drink again; the gun feeling like it weighs a thousand pounds, crushing my thigh.

It’s not like I’m a bad girl. I’m not that bad, though not a goody-goody, either. I have fun. I know how to party. I’ve dabbled in drugs maybe once or twice. I’ve gotten into some trouble, but nothing major. I’ve never been arrested, never killed anyone. However, what I’m about to Anthony Defontelles, even if he’s not necessarily good people, is wrong and will forever change me in a negative way.

“Hey.” Layton reaches out and sweeps his fingertips across the back of my hand as my fingers wrap around my drink, his hard expression softening. For a second, he’s my Layton, not Frankie’s. “Just take deep breaths and calm down before someone notices how nervous you are.” He takes the glass from my hand and sets it down on the countertop.

I notice I’m notably shaking, which isn’t good. The Defontelles have eyes everywhere. He’s right. I need to settle down now.

“I know I need to relax, but it’s a hell of a lot difficult,” I draw a line up the side of my thigh, “when I have this thing strapped onto me.”

There’s a twinkle in his eyes, a sign of life for the first time tonight. “It’s not the first time you’ve had a gun strapped to your leg.”

“Yeah, but the last time wasn’t so I could…” I trail off, unable to say it aloud. “Maybe Frankie’s right. Perhaps I’m not an Anelli, considering I can’t even talk about…” I swallow hard, “killing aloud.”

His lips part to speak, but then he presses them back together and observes me intently for a while, his head slanting to the side. “We’ve probably got like another half an hour to an hour before Anthony Defontelles shows up,” he finally says. “What can I do to help you relax?”

It takes me a moment to answer, a moment to pull myself together. “Is that part of your job description?” I ask, devouring the rest of the scotch in one, large, searing gulp. “To keep me relaxed until the dirty work’s over?”

“Yeah, but I’d do it anyway,” he replies with a hint of a ghost smile on his face, the one he used to wear all the time when we were younger. It makes me want to hug him, yet I know better; know that it’s just a glimpse of the past that accidentally slipped through.

“Why? Things are different now. You work for my family’s enemy, so you no longer have to protect me.”

He starts to say something, but I know what he’s going to say—that I don’t understand stuff. And he’s right. I don’t. But it doesn’t matter. Even if I understood his reasons for working for Frankie, I’m not sure I can forgive him for what’s about to happen tonight. I wonder, though, if I tried to flee, if he’d let me. Frankie has ordered him to kill me if I attempt to bail, and he’s agreed, however I wonder if, when it all came down to the deed, he could pull the trigger.

“What’s wrong?” he asks with a hint of concern on his face.

“It’s nothing. I was just thinking of ways I could possible get myself to calm down,” I lie. “That’s all.”

He puts the drink down on the counter. “What can I do to help?”

I shrug, eyes locked on his. “There are only three things that make me relax in tense situations.” I count down on my fingers. “Scotch, which isn’t helping at all tonight. Kickboxing. And sex. So either you can let me kick the shit out of you out back or fuck me in the bathroom.”

There’s no shock factor with Layton. He knows me enough to know how I am, enough to know that all these things calm me down.

“We haven’t fucked since junior year of high school,” he remarks, his eyes sweeping across my body. Figures he’d go for that one.

“Yeah, the year you took my virginity. So what, you can’t screw me now because of that?” I ask. When he stays silent forever, I add, “I gave you another option, you know. Kicking might be easier for the both of us. A lot less painful.”

While his gaze never wavers from mine, the tension between us heightens to the point I think I might combust. “Do you still have that no kissing rule?”

I nod slowly. I’m not a prude. I’ve had my fair share of sexual experiences, just none that have had lip-to-lip contact. “Kissing still makes things complicated.” The one and only time I kissed a guy was when I was thirteen. Trayson Millony forced a kiss on me when I refused to kiss him during a game of spin the bottle. In return, I kneed him in the balls.

No kissing is a rule my mother told me about. No kissing equals no strings attached. Until you’ve found the one. Kissing comes with an emotional connection, and if he isn’t the right guy for me, I’ll end up with a broken heart. Crushed. Ruined. And I don’t want to be ruined, do I?

Ruined would turn me into Gretta, my sixty-year-old aunt who’s never been married, has never went on date in the last forty or so years, and is still obsessed with her first love who has been happily married for forty-something years. Ruined could make me bitter. Ruined could get me into a life with a man where I was so unhappy I wanted to die.

“But I’ve learned a few new tricks since the last time we fucked.” I bite down on my lip, deciding if I’m really going to go through with this. Can I just shove everything aside? Forget about everything for a moment? It’s worked in the past, but the situation has never been this complicated and intense.

Heat blazes in his eyes, but every other part of him remains in control. “And what about the no falling in love rule?” he asks, his gaze relentless, daring me to comment on me breaking his heart. With anyone else, I would crack a joke about him being weak, but Layton… I care… cared for him once. And the day he told me he was in love with me and I told him I didn’t feel the same was the one and only day I ever felt my heart ache over a guy.

“Yeah, the no falling in love rule still applies, too,” I manage to say calmly, even though I feel a flicker of agony attached to the memory. “So are you going to help me relax?” I shock myself more than I do him.

He stares at me a second longer then, with a quick swipe of his tongue across his lips, he rotates around on the barstool and raises his hand to get the bartender’s attention. When the bartender comes over, he orders two double shots of Bacardi then sits in silence while he waits.

I’m mildly disappointed by his rejection, although I have bigger problems at the moment, ones I should be more focused on. Otherwise, I’m going to mess up.

After the bartender sets the two shots down on the counter, Layton slides one toward me. “Drink this,” he says.

“I already told you drinking isn’t doing it for me tonight,” I remind him as he retrieves his wallet from his pocket then tosses a twenty down on the countertop before guzzling his shot.

“Drink the shot.” His voice is demanding as he sets the empty glass down, but I detect a hint of a tremble in his hand.

I collect the large glass in my hand. Putting the rim up to my lips, I let the fiery liquid spill down my throat. It tastes like trouble, danger, and ecstasy all mixed up in one potent swallow. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

“Now dance with me,” he says, slipping his fingers through mine and pulling me to my feet.

“Dance?” There’s doubt in my voice as we make our way to the crowded dance floor. “Seriously? Since when do you dance?”

He places a hand on the small of my back and guides me closer as we near the mob of people drowning in sweat, and the sensual throbbing base of the music envelopes us further. He pauses as he reaches the center, getting poked and prodded with stray elbows, knees, and other bulging body parts.

“Just relax and trust me,” he says, turning to face me.

“I don’t trust anyone anymore.” I stare him down with reluctance. “Not after this.”

He contemplates what I’ve said before he grabs me by the waist forcefully. His touch makes my skin scorch and my thighs erupt with heat. I blame it on the Bacardi when, really, I know what’s doing it. “Okay, then just try to relax,” he says, drawing me closer. “Let’s make the most of the time we have.”

Despite how much I want to turn and walk away from him, I give in and dance. In just about an hour, I’ll be taking someone’s life. What’s more, I have a feeling that, after that, the life I know now isn’t going to exist anymore. That dancing or having any sort of relaxing moment isn’t going to be in the cards for me anymore because the life I know is about to disappear.

Maybe forever.

Chapter 5

My mother was an opinionated woman, who had her beliefs and loved to share them with me. I know that a lot of the things she said shaped me into the person I am now. Some of it good, some of it bad, but that’s life in general.

“Sex can be two things,” my mama told me once when I was about thirteen. “A weapon or just plain fun and relaxation¸ if you’ll let it. Don’t always make it such a big deal, my Lolita. Don’t let men own you because of it.” It went right along with her no kissing rule.

She was what a lot of men called a promiscuous woman. My daddy met her when he hired her as an escort. She was nineteen and he was thirty-five. After spending one night with her, he fell madly in love with her sporadic, mysterious, impulsive character along with her beauty. One month later, they were married, and nine months later, I was born. This means, during the first month they were married, she’d had an affair with this Everson man, if the letter means what I take it to mean.

I probably would have never known the real life story of my parents if it wasn’t for my mother’s sister, Aunt Glady, who told me all of this right after my mom died when I was fourteen. Aunt Glady had been on the bottle for three days straight. She told me never to tell anyone that I knew the secret—that my daddy would cut her out of the will if she did. And being from a poor family from Cheyenne, Wyoming, she needed the money.

Money and power, that’s what my dad’s known for, and that’s why it makes no sense that he’s gotten into debt with Frankie. Benny Big Bones was the name my father was given when he was eight by Big Doug Dellanay, one of the major drug lords during the seventies. My dad was his protégé and his nickname has never left him.

He’s a good father, though; for the most part. I grew up with pretty much any luxury I wanted. I always felt loved, nurtured, and cared for, even after my mother died and I stopped trusting him. He tried his best, but I pushed him away, wanting to make him feel helpless for letting my mom go so easily, even though, deep down I know it’s not his fault. It’s an emotion I know he hates—feeling helpless. Right now, I’m the one that feels helpless, though.

I’m lost. Afraid. A scared girl who wants to run away.

It’s all I can think about—running away—for the next twenty minutes after Layton pulls me on the dance floor. Sweat is beading my skin as I rock my hips to the rhythm of “Ooh La La” by Goldfrap.

As I move to the music, Layton’s hands wander all over my body; cup my ass, grab my hips, his breath caressing my neck. It feels absolutely, mind-blowingly good. I desperately crave more touches, more closeness, more heat, passion, sex. Fun and relaxing, just like I was taught. I want more of it; I want what I know awaits me if I can push us both further. A few minutes of bliss from this shitty night that I’m sure will lead to an endless amount of shitty nights, if I survive. I need it—this. Hunger for it.

Finally, I can’t stand it anymore. The need and desire mixed with a hell of a lot of Bacardi and Scotch is too much.

I spin around and grind my body against him for a moment while dipping my lips to his ear. “Take me into the bathroom and fuck me,” I whisper hotly against his ear while running my fingers through the back of his hair and grinding my hips against his. I sound like someone else, someone in control, who knows what she wants. I sound like the Lola I was a few weeks ago, before the letter, before this.

I nip at his earlobe, grazing my teeth against his flesh. His breath catches in his throat, his breathing fierce—in and out, in and out—driving my body into a sexual frenzy as his solid chest brushes with mine. The intense feeling amplifies as he pushes back and I see the glossy, lost look in his eyes, like he’s high.

When the DJ starts saying something in the background, the crowd cheers and jumps up and down, slamming into us and pushing us closer. Neither of us looks away from each other, though; our gazes and bodies melded together.

Then, without saying a word, he grabs my hand and shoves his way through the dance floor, pushing people out of the way. Excitement roars through my body and fleetingly erases the fear and nervousness I’ve been feeling all night.

I can do this. I can let everything go. Just take a moment.

But then I spot one tall, solidly built man with a goatee and a tattoo on the side of his neck entering the bar from the back entrance. Draston Fordelles, one of Defontelles’ men.

Like a sharp slap across the face, I’m reminded of why I’m here. Not to play. Not to have fun. Not to have sex with a guy who I need to start seeing as an enemy.

I’m here to kill.

However, my body has different ideas and won’t let me pull away from Layton. If anything, I hold on tighter, pretending he’s the guy I used to play with in the sandbox; the guy who kept an eye on me at parties, making sure I didn’t get too wasted and do something stupid; the guy who took the fall for me a thousand times. God dammit, I need this. I need just one more moment of calmness before my whole entire world is turned upside down.

I know things will never be the same after I go through with it. I’ve known a few people who have committed hits for various different reasons, and they were never the same afterwards. Even if it’s for a good reason and the person they kill is bad, it changes them forever. Darkens their soul. Hollows them out. They carry pain on their shoulders forever. Some don’t even survive, ending their own lives later on. I know this from growing up in the kind of environment I have.

And that’s what keeps me moving forward with Layton as he pushes through the bathroom door, startling a group of women putting lipstick and mascara on in front of the mirror. A couple of them yell at him to get out and the rest simply stare in awe. I’m sure they are wishing they were going into the stall to get fucked by him.

Layton disregards them completely as he strides toward the end stall, towing me along with him. He shoves the door open and tugs me in before letting my hand go then locking us in. By the time he turns around and faces me, I’m panting with need, my chest heaving ravenously.

I want. I want. I need. I need. I’m helpless with desire.

“Pull your pants down,” I say to Layton, relaxing back against the wall and biting my lip until it bleeds.

He shakes his head, his lips quirking with genuine amusement. “You’ve gotten bossier since the last time we hooked up.”

I tell my body to be patient, yet it’s difficult now that we’ve gotten this far, and I start running my hand along my body. “A lot has changed over the last four years.”

His elation sinks. “Yeah, it has…” He tracks my hand wandering across my breast, down to my stomach, then up to my other breast. Sucking in a slow breath, he unexpectedly hesitates. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

I’m more insulted than hurt. “Why the fuck not?”

“Because…” he struggles for words, his gaze fixed on me, searching my eyes. “Because you’re stressed. Drunk. Under a lot of pressure. A lot of different things. And I don’t think under normal circumstances you’d even be touching me.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t normal circumstances, is it?” Not giving him time to react, I unzip the zipper going down the side of my dress and let it fall to my ankles. Then I carefully step out of the dress and stand there in my lacey black bra and panties, gun strapped to my thigh. “Now it’s your turn.”

He deliberately scrolls his eyes over my body, taking his sweet time, his breathing quickening the longer his gaze drinks me in. “God, you’re so fucking sexy,” he mumbles with his eyes fastened on me, hunger taking over the darkness in his eyes.

He slowly reaches for the button of his pants and undoes it, but his fingers linger so long on his zipper that impatience gets the best of me. I stumble across the small amount of space between us and jerk them down myself along with his boxers then bite down on my lip even harder as I drop to my knees.

“Shit, Lola.” He groans as I take him deep in my mouth without warning. His head bangs against the door as he slumps back, continuing to make throaty noises and low moans as I move my mouth up and down along his swollen cock.

I can hear whispering on the other side of the door, something about me being a whore, but I don’t care. I don’t care about anything, and that’s sort of the point of all of this. Sex can be numbing. Invigorating. Distracting. So much so that I can barely feel the gun on my leg anymore. The fear of what I’m about to do, the pain of knowing what’s been done to my father, it’s all gone. For a moment, I’m simply Lolita, and I’m okay with it.

“God… Lolita,” Layton moans out my name as he grabs a handful of my hair, causing the pins holding it up to fall out. My hair falls to my shoulders as he gently tugs on the strands.

I move my mouth up and down on him a few more times, letting my eyes close. I’m getting lost in another place, drifting, drifting, drifting, but then he takes it away as he gently pulls on my hair, guiding my mouth away.

“What are you doing?” I protest as his fingers enfold my arms, and with one swift tug, he lifts me to my feet.

Then his fingers leave my arms and drift downward, under the hem of my panties. He jerks them down my legs and I eagerly help him out by stepping out of them and kicking them off to the side. Seconds later, his fingers are in me, feeling me thoroughly, each movement causing me to gasp and stab my nails into his shoulders, scratching his flesh.

I’ve never been so aggressive, but it’s like all the emotions are flooding out of me and clawing their way out. I’m losing it, on the verge of combusting, losing sight of what’s around me. My hands take on a life of their own. I rip his shirt over his head then feel his lean muscles, trace the dark lines of the tattoos on his ribs and arms before I collapse back against the wall.

“God, this is exactly what I needed tonight,” I moan, my fingers finding his cock again. I grasp it in my hand as my eyelids drift shut once more. We keep feeling each other; panting, sweaty, growing needier and needier until finally we can’t take it anymore.

When he slips his fingers out of me, I open my eyes to find him taking a condom out of his pocket. I’m bursting with need as he tears it open, and then I impatiently grab it from his hand and put it on him slowly, making his eyes roll into the back of his head, high on the sensation of my touch. A faint smile touches my lips as I pull my hand away. His eyes come back into focus and he grabs my thighs before forcefully picking me up, slamming me against the wall as he backs us up. Then, with one hard thrust, he sinks deep inside me. My back arches and my legs hitch tightly around his waist.

“Oh, God,” I gasp, starting to let my head fall back. Before I can protest, his lips come down hard on mine and he slips his tongue inside my mouth, stealing my second kiss. Just like that. Without permission. Without warning.

For the briefest second—one based on confusion and Bacardi—I tangle my tongue with his, loving the taste of him, loving the kiss. But then my commonsense kicks in, and I pull my tongue out and bite down on his bottom lip hard.

“No kissing,” I growl in a low tone, tracing my fingers up his chest as he pauses inside me, still holding onto me.

His eyes are glossed over and he looks completely out of it. “Fine… if that’s what you want.” He licks his wounded lip as he rocks into me again.

“Those are the rules,” I groan, rolling my hips forward. He sucks in a sharp breath then reciprocates by rocking his hips forward, sliding inside me almost painfully slow. My nails pierce his skin again as I veer toward the edge of losing it, desperate to hold on, knowing once I fall, it will be back to reality.

He continues the slow movements again and again, grasping onto my thighs, fingertips delving into my skin so roughly I’m sure I’m going to have bruises. I clutch onto his shoulders as I move my hips in sync with his. The lights, music, voices—everything—fades around us. My body climbs higher and higher away from reality.

I forget where I am. Who I am. I forget about everything as he drives my mind and body further away from reality until I completely come apart, crying out his name as my head falls back. He gives one last thrust inside me then joins me, struggling to hold onto me as he comes.

After everything settles, he rests his face in the crook of my neck and starts placing light kisses on my damp skin. I don’t even bother stopping him, too tired and content to speak. This was good, I want to say. Much better than the first time. Yet, by the time I work up the energy to say it, his phone starts ringing from inside the pocket of his pants.

Blowing out a loud breath, he unwinds my legs from his waist and my feet return to the floor. Then he moves around me, his eyes on the floor as he pulls up his pants. He has scratches all over his chest, his hair is disheveled, his lips swollen, and I-just-had-hot-as-hell-sex is written all over him. I’m sure I look the same way.

I wish it was enough, wish I could hold onto the feelings that were in me moments ago, however they’re already slipping away.

I collect my panties from the floor and put them back on while he retrieves his phone. He checks his messages, his frown deepening the longer he stares at the screen. I try to put on my dress as calmly as I can, but the look on his face and the quietness is killing me. It’s impending. Because, deep down, I know what the phone call is.

Seconds later, he confirms what I already knew. “It’s time,” he says quietly, still not looking at me. “I’ll let you get dressed; meet me outside the bathroom.” Then he puts on his shirt, exits the stall, and leaves me alone, taking all my contentment along with him.

Chapter 6

I’ve never been much of a worrier or the kind of person that has a panic attack. The only time I came close was when I was twelve and one of my dad’s enemies tried to kidnap me as I was playing in the park with one of my friends. It never got very far, partially because it was just a couple of crack addicts pissed off at my dad for the increase in money to feed their addiction. And partially because I had Dougie and Dominic, my two bodyguards, who rarely left my side at the time.

As soon as the crackheads approached me, they were taken out. Nothing major happened. But I did see a bigger picture at the moment that worried me a little. That all those times my dad had made me go practice shooting guns, all the self-defense classes, all the protection—it was for a reason. That my life was fuller of risks than most, and for the next few days after, I had a sequence of panic attacks.

I quickly learned to deal with this revelation, and for the most part, lived a pretty content life. At least up until a few hours ago when I woke up in the warehouse—that took any contentment left away. I started realizing that this point in time has probably been inevitable. It probably has been set in my future since I was born, or something like it. What’s more, I should have run when I had the chance—just run and never looked back.

* * *

After I get dressed and fix my hair and makeup, I meet Layton outside of the bathroom. He’s there just like he said, leaning against the filthy wall, arms crossed, his hair back into place, and clothes smooth of wrinkles, as if we hadn’t just fucked each other’s brains out.

“You ready?” he asks when he spots me walking down the hall toward him. The darkness has returned to his expression, and he’s no longer my Layton but Frankie’s.

Stopping in front of him, I shrug, as blasé as I can be. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

He nods his head once and then stands up straight, motioning me to follow him as he heads back down the hall toward the bar area and dance floor. The music slams against my chest and the lights sting at my eyes as I step out of the dim hallway and into the room. I don’t have to ask him where he’s going as he makes his way down the side of the bar and toward the back door. He’s already told me step by step what I am going to do.

The hefty bartender standing behind the counter is Big Dog Hankton and actually works for Frankie, but Anthony doesn’t know that. He’s supposed to give Layton the heads up when Anthony arrives, which I’m assuming was the phone call Layton got right after we fucked.

After the go-ahead from Hankton, Layton is supposed to take me to the backroom where Anthony does a lot of his dirty work; beatings, dealings, whacks and whatnot—in this world, everyone has a backroom. Tonight, Anthony’s going to be alone—at least, according to Hankton—so it should be a clear hit and I shouldn’t run into problems. Of course, if I do, then it’s all going to fall back on my family.

The Defontelles are the second most powerful drug lords on the east coast. I’ve heard stories about them; ones where they cut off heads of the people who cross them then send them to the family members as a warning, pure torture.

This is all I can think of by the time Layton and I reach the back door—my head being shipped to my father in a box with a big red bow on it. Is that where I’m going to end up after all of this? Beheaded? My stomach churns.

God, it seems like such a shitty way to go.

“Are you going to be okay?” Layton’s voice jerks me back to reality.

Blinking back into focus, I realize I’m trembling. I clear my throat and square my shoulders, trying to suck it up and appear more confident than I am. “I’m fine.” I start to step toward the door, yet he captures my arm and stops me.

He leans in close, putting his lips right up beside my ear, and wraps my wrist in his hand, feeling my erratic pulse. “You don’t have to do this… this shouldn’t be your problem. You can just walk away and let your father deal with it. It’s his problem anyway,” he says in a low voice.

“No, it’s not.” I refuse to look at him because I don’t want to see the look in his eyes—the one that either says he’s just saying this to try to make me feel better, or the one that says he really wants me to walk away. I just might be tempted to. “I’m not just going to let Frankie kill my father, so unless you have a way to free him without me doing this, then let me go so I can get this over with.”

“You shouldn’t be so desperate to save your father, Lola,” he says quietly.

I jerk back and look at him. “What the hell does that me?”

He swallows hard and then shakes his head. “Nothing. Never mind… I don’t even know what I’m saying.” As he takes a deep breath, he pulls his hand away from my wrist.

I search his eyes for something, but he’s turned his emotions off, seeming completely hollow. Finally, I give up, and blowing out a breath, I stare at the door. “So I’m just supposed to walk in, then?” I ask nervously. “And then just… pull the trigger?”

Layton doesn’t answer, instead he steps forward and grabs the doorknob. “It’ll be over quick. Just don’t hesitate, okay?”

“Does Anthony have a gun on him?” I wonder, avoiding eye contact with him.

I can’t look at him. I can’t breathe. God, I wish I could go back to five minutes ago and freeze time.

Layton shakes his head, trying to catch my eye. “He shouldn’t. Hankton says he puts it in a safe when he comes in here. I guess it’s his sick way of showing that he thinks he’s invincible or something.”

“And what about you?” I ask. “People have seen you here. Aren’t they going to put two and two together?”

“I’ll be fine,” he says in a tight voice and then looks away from me and down the hall. “You need to worry about yourself at the moment.”

There’s so much he’s not telling me—I can tell—but I don’t have time to press him right now. I need to focus. Think clearly. Do what I need to do. Get it over with.

When he moves away from the door, I reach to open it. “Just think of it as target practice,” he says softly, quickly brushing his fingers along the back of my neck. “Just pretend Anthony’s a target.”

I doubt that will work, but there’s no point saying it. I need to be strong, remember why I’m doing this. For my father. The man who raised me. Took care of me. Gave me everything I wanted.

But what if he’s not? I shake the fleeting thought from my head. It doesn’t matter. He’s the only father I’ve known, and that’s what matters. Isn’t it?

My fingers shake as I turn the doorknob and open the door, giving myself no time to hesitate. Then, taking another deep breath, I barge into the room.

The first thing I notice is how bright the lights are and how musty the air is. It makes it difficult to see anything and breathe. I have to catch my breath and blink a few times to get my vision to adjust to the florescent lighting. That’s when I realize just how big of trouble I’m in. Because Anthony’s not alone. He’s got two really big guys beside him; his bodyguards, I’m guessing. They’re sitting on fold up chairs around a square table, and on it is enough money and bags of cocaine to fill up an entire trunk of a car.

I’m debating whether or not to bail because this isn’t how this is supposed to go down, but then Anthony glances up from the pile of cash and drugs in front of him, and I know there’s no backing out.

He’s in his mid-forties, tall, sturdy, arms the size of both my legs. He has a scar going all the way down his nose to his lip and a tribal tattoo on his neck that travels up to the top of his shaven head.

“Who the fuck are you...?” he starts to say, but then trails off as he recognizes who I am. “Lolita Anders,” he says with a grin.

The sequences of events that happen right after that move so quickly I barely have time to process them. While the two bodyguards spin around and jump out of their chairs, I panic and start to whirl around to run out the door. However, I catch Anthony reaching for his waist, his fingers heading for the silver handle of a gun sticking out of the top holster. I react the only way I can think of. I swiftly slide my hand up my dress and withdraw the 9mm. With one swift movement, I lift my hand and point the gun at him at the very exact moment he aims his at me.

My heart hammers in my chest. I can’t breathe. Think. See straight.

Don’t hesitate.

Don’t hesitate.

Don’t hesitate.

Layton was right. I don’t have it in me.

Anthony grins, like he knows exactly what I’m thinking. Then his finger starts to press back on the trigger. Seconds later, a gun goes off, but it’s faint, quiet, the noise of the club outside washing it away. I see my life flash before my eyes. I wait to die, wait for the pain to arrive, but quickly realize I’m still breathing, my heart beat deafeningly loud inside my chest.

“Get out of here!” Layton shouts from behind me, snapping me out of my trance.

Reality slaps me fast and hard as warm liquid covers my face and arms. There’s blood everywhere and Anthony is lying on the floor, bleeding profusely from a wound in his chest. The bodyguards have withdrawn their guns and have them aimed at Layton and me. I still have my gun out in front of me, my hand unsteady. Layton is standing beside me with his gun out, drops of Anthony’s blood on his face, his hand steady as a rock.

“Get out of here, Lola,” he orders in a firm tone without taking his eyes off the men.

“She’s not going anywhere, Layton. Neither of you are,” one of the men says. I don’t know his name, but he has this four-leaf clover tattooed on his scruffy cheek along with the number 99 and the word Denny. I wonder what it means. If it’s his lucky number or something more personal, like a year someone was born. Maybe his kid. Does he have kids? If he does, will it hurt to lose their father as much as it hurt me when I lost my mother. Oh God. Am I about to see a father die? Am I about to break a family? And what about Layton. Am I about to see him die? Am I about to die?

My mind is racing while the fear inside me is making me want to puke. Seconds later, I hear another gun go off. There’s no warning. No time to react, only flinch. It all happens incredibly fast, and I get caught up the middle of it, making choices based on my fear, going against everything my father ever taught me.

My gun goes off… I can’t even remember pulling the trigger, yet my gun goes off and the last man standing, the one with the four-leaf clover, falls to the floor on his back, clutching his chest. He gasps for air over and over again, though a few heartbeats later, he stills. There’s a hole in his chest, blood pouring out of it and soaking his shirt. Just like that, it’s all over. Everything’s changed, just like I knew it would.

Because I have officially become a hit man and a murderer. Nothing will ever be the same again.

Layton was wrong.

I am a killer.

Chapter 7

Everything seems so much darker and colder. I’ve never been so cold, and I don’t think I’ll ever warm up again. The last few minutes keep replaying in my mind like a nightmare, even though I’m awake. But it always ends the same—with blood on my hands and the haunting image of the name Denny branded in my head. I can’t stop wondering who Denny is. If I killed a father. I’m not sure if it would matter either way. His blood would still be on my hands no matter who he was.

After the shots are fired, I go into shock; my body cold, numb, dead, just like the bodies on the floor. There’s blood splattered all over my skin, my hair, the floor, the wall, my clothes, the ceiling. I’m still holding the gun—why am I still holding the gun?

I drop it like it’s poison then stagger back from the bodies and throw up in the corner of the room. Layton doesn’t say a word as I empty my stomach and sink to my knees. He doesn’t ask me to get up. I don’t think I could if I tried. Instead, he scoops me up in his arms and carries me out of the club through the back entrance where no one will see us. It seems like forever when really it’s probably moments before we make it to his car.

Layton carefully puts me in, buckles me, and then gets into the driver’s seat. It’s still dark outside, the moon a sliver in the sky, stars twinkling. It’s the middle of May, a warmer time of the year, yet it feels so cold.

“You have blood on your cheek,” I say as I sit in the seat with my knees pulled up to my chest, shivering and chattering.

He reaches up and wipes away the blood then glances over at me. He opens his mouth to say something, but then, I guess, decides against it. He starts up the car and drives out of the parking lot and onto the street.

“Where are you taking me?” I ask, shutting my eyes and turning forward in the seat. The heater blows over my body, however I can’t stop shivering.

“Home,” he says, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“What about my father?” I lean my head against the window, unable to hold my head up anymore.

“I’ll tell Frankie you did the job and to let him go. Everything will be fine.” He’s speaking to me, yet he’s not.

I open my eyelids, even though they feel so heavy. “And what about you? What will you do?”

“I already told you not to worry about me,” he says, looking straight ahead at the road. “I can take care of myself.”

I want to tell him that I am worried about him, that I do care about him, but I’m afraid to go there right now.

Layton and I don’t speak until we reach my house, but I don’t think there’s that much to say, other than we could talk about what’s happened. However, I don’t want to talk about it. Think about it. Remember it.

God, I’m a killer.

I can’t stop staring at my hands. They look so different. So tainted.

When he parks the car in front of my house’s entryway, he gets out and opens the door for me then helps me out of the car. My legs are wobbly and I stumble to get my footing. He catches me in his arms and helps me get my balance, holding me against him. He still doesn’t speak as he smoothes his hand over the back of my head over and over again. All I want to do is sink into him, disappear, vanish forever.

He starts placing kisses on my head over and over, and then he steps back from me and again I feel so cold. “Go inside and wait for your father to get home,” he instructs, quickly brushing his finger down my cheekbone, looking torn over something. “But, Lola, don’t believe anything he tells you.”

“What?” Confused, I struggle to get my balance. “Why not?”

“I can’t tell you why. You just need to trust me.” His eyes plead with me to believe him.

I shake my head. “It doesn’t even matter… nothing does… I’m as good as dead. You know it—everyone knows it.”

He swallows hard and then suddenly he’s pulling me back to him, his lips rushing against mine before I can even take my next breath. He kisses me with so much passion, like it’s his last kiss, last breath he’ll ever take, and it means everything in the world to him.

And just as quickly as it happens, it stops. He pulls away, slipping away, leaving me breathless as he whispers, “Run away. It’s the only way you’ll survive this. Run away and never look back. It’s what your mother should have done.” Without saying anything else, he gets into the car and drives into the night, leaving me stunned beyond words.

Like my mother should have done? What does he know?

I try to call him several times as I hurry inside, but it keeps going to his voicemail. I wonder if he has to go into hiding for killing Anthony. I wonder a lot of things, like why he thinks I can’t trust my father. Why he stepped up and shot Anthony himself. If it was because I hesitated and he thought I was going to get shot, or if maybe he was never going to let me shoot Anthony all along. If he does still care about me like he did when we were kids.

My heart feels about as empty as the house, entirely unfamiliar, entirely dead. I want to crumble in the emptiness and cry my heart out, but I’m not going to. Blood on my hands or not, I’m not going to be a weak girl. I’m stronger than that. So instead, I pull myself together and go straight up into bathroom to take a shower, confusion fogging up my thoughts. What do I do? Where do I go? Who can I trust?

I scrub and scrub and scrub. I scrub so hard to get the blood off my skin starts to bleed. By the time I’m done, I feel a little cleaner and my head is clearer. And I know what I have to do.

After I get out, I get dressed and then take a pair of scissors to my hair, chopping it off. Erase who I am. I know better than to think that my father won’t do everything he can to find me and probably Anthony’s family will as well. If I don’t want to be found, I have to be careful. Be smart. Go into survival mode. I’m going to run. Disappear. Forever. Carry out the plan I made in the park, pretend tonight never happened. Do what Layton says, which I guess technically means I’m trusting him. I don’t know why, other than I am.

By the time I’m finished hacking my hair off, it’s chin length and looks like shit, but I feel satisfied. I pack my stuff along with the letter my mom wrote to Everson. I grab a stash of cash from under my mattress, the one my father gave me for emergencies. Then I get in my car and drive away from the house I grew up in, never looking back, as if the last fourteen hours haven’t happened. I’ll turn it all off. That is my goal as I drive down the road toward the bus station.

It’s a pretty far drive since we live in the more rural, rich area of town, and by the time I pull into the parking lot, the sun is coming up. I leave my keys in the car since I won’t need them. Then I grab my suitcase from the trunk and go inside the bus station.

As I walk by people, I wonder if anyone can see what I am. What I’ve done. Can they see the blood on my hands? No one seems to be alarmed, yet I still feel nervous as I cautiously walk up to the counter to buy a ticket.

When the cashier asks me where I want to go, I tell him, “Anywhere.”

He gives me a confused look, like he has no idea what to do. “I’m sorry, but I need a destination.”

I blow out a breath and think of the first place that comes to mind. “Do you have any buses going to Great Falls, Montana?”

He types something on his computer. “There’s one headed in that direction in about an hour. There’s quite a few stops, though.”

“Sold,” I say without missing a beat.

Montana is far. Rural. An unlikely place for me to pick. And it just happens to be the address of the letter. I’m not sure if I’ll find this Everson man or if that’s even the point, but it might be a start to trying to figure out who the hell I am. Who the hell my mother was.

After I pay for the ticket, I briefly consider asking the cashier guy if he’ll come screw me in the bathroom. He’s not bad looking at all, just a little preppy for my taste, and I need to relax somehow. I could do it again, just like with Layton.

Layton.

Pain crushes my chest, and after staring at the cashier guy long enough that I make him uncomfortable, I end up walking away for reasons I can barely comprehend. I take a seat on one of the benches, waiting to get on the bus. While I’m watching people wander around, searching the crowd for signs of the Defontelles, my phone goes off in my pocket. It rings on and off for five minutes, but I ignore it until a text comes through. I check it, and no surprise, it’s from my father.

Dad: I’m okay, Lolita. On my way home. Stay there until I get there and please call me. I know you must have questions about everything.

I read the message over five times, and with each time, I grow angrier. Everything. I want to ask him exactly what he means by everything. About his debt. About my mother. About why Layton thinks he’s a liar. And why the hell he got me into this mess after all those years of protecting me.

Finally, I throw my phone into the trash bin. The last connection to my home is now gone. It gives me a little sense of peace. I wonder if Layton’s doing the same thing. If he’s erasing his identity. For the briefest moment, I think about pulling my phone out of the garbage and calling him, just to make sure he got away okay, but in the end, I don’t. I can’t bring myself to do so. And deep down, I know he probably won’t answer.

Therefore, I wait for the bus, and when it’s time to board, I do so without looking back, leaving everything behind, knowing I can never be Lola or Lolita again.

Sins & Secrets

(Sins, #1)

Prologue

Layton

“I’m not sure I can do this,” I tell the women in leather standing in front of me. I’m sitting in a warehouse, surrounded by boxes, men in the distance waiting to hear the gun shot go off, waiting for my death. “It’s too dangerous. And besides, putting my family through all of that… it’s not right.” Although, I probably don’t real care about anyone in my family but my brother, Benton. The rest can go to hell.

Solana paces the floor, a gun in each hand, appearing as though she’s going to shoot me at any given moment—it’s what she was hired to do. “Death can be liberating Layton,” she says¸ checking the amount of bullets in each gun. “You should embrace it.”

“I’m not you, Solana,” I tell her, shifting my weight. My hands are tied behind my back, the box beneath me starting to sink from my weight. It’s been only a couple of months since Lola and I shot the Dellefontes, two weeks since she ran off, two weeks where I thought we were going to get away with what we did. But then I was caught.

And now I’m here, about to die.

“You don’t really have a choice, do you?” Solana asks, the person hired to kill me. The problem is I’ve known her for a little while which has led us to this little pre-murder chitchat, which has given me second thoughts about the whole damn thing. “Death is the only way out of this.” She lowers her voice. “We’ve talked about this already.” She pauses in front of me, glancing at me with a look on her face that I can she’s disgusted by whatever she’s going to say next. “Besides, think of Lola. If you stay alive, you know as well as I do that they’ll make you kill her.”

“But if I die, you’ll kill her.”

“Better you than me.”

“Solana.” I try to keep my composure, because emotion doesn’t go well with Solana. The woman is dead inside, but that’s what she was trained to be. “I’ll do this, but only if you promise not to kill Lola.”

Solana cocks her head to the side, considering what I said. Then she raises the gun at me. “Fine, I won’t kill her, but I might have to bring her close—you know how these things go.” Her lips curve upward, the only smile I’ve ever seen on her face. But it looks wrong, like she’s not even sure what emotion she’s feeling and just does the gestures. “Now close your eyes.”

I do what she says, shutting my eyes, counting my heartbeats, my pulse steady as a rock. I’m doing this for Lola. To protect her. To save her. Because I love her. More than anything.

The last thing I picture is Lola’s beautiful face, her smile, her gorgeous eyes, the girl I’ve loved forever. And it’s what makes the sound of the gun going on just a little more easier.

Chapter 1

Lola

I’m a dead woman on the run, a shitty life, but then again my life was never full of rainbows and sunshine. Smiles. Time spent being peacefully oblivious to the danger the world holds when lives center on money, wealth, and power. There is so much danger that comes with putting those three things first, even when you’re not technically the one seeking it. My father is one of those men who wants it all and will do almost anything to get it. The problem is he’s always put my life at risk because of it, since the day I was born. And there weren’t just risks either, but secrets. Drugs. Death. Death is the worst in my opinion, especially when you cause it, which I did, and now I’m paying for it. It kills me everyday, what I did, the man’s life that I took and I don’t think I’ve even fully dealt with it yet, too focused on running, which makes it easier to stay in denial.

Run.

Run.

Run.

Run away from your problems.

“Lola, you can’t keep going on like this,” my Aunt Glady tells me on the phone, which she tells me every time I check in. She’s my mother’s sister but doesn’t remind me of my mother at all, which is good because I don’t think I’d be able to talk to her as much, the painful reminder too great. “Going into hiding isn’t going to do you any good.”

“Are you sure about that?” I ask with the disposable phone pressed to my ear, the kind that are harder to track and easier to replace. “It might have saved my mom if she’d done it.”

“Honey, I know you think you’re life is in danger,” my Aunt Glady says. “But you’re father will protect you.”

“My father caused this. Because of him, I have blood on my hands,” I snap bitterly as I peer out the window of the apartment I’ve been staying in for the last two months. It’s in no way my home but it’s fitting; cold, empty, just like my soul.

“I don’t know exactly what happened back in Boston,” my Aunt Glady says. “Since you won’t tell me, but I know for a fact that your father will protect you know matter what.”

“I don’t want his protection nor do I trust him at all.” Don’t trust anyone. Layton had told me this.

I move back to the window and sink down on the bed. It’s one of the few things I have at the moment—a bed, a pillow, a few clothes. Anything more would be too much. “I don’t want anything from my father ever again.” It’s the truth. Something inside me died the day I killed a man to save my father. And that part seems to be connected to my emotions. For the most part, I feel nothing anymore. Emotionally detached. I feel nothing but this hollowness inside me.

“Fine, but you still really need to go home even if it’s just for a day or two. You can do it discretely—no one will have to know.” There’s something in her voice this time that makes me wonder if she’s keeping something from me.

“Why are you pushing this so hard?” I ask. “I mean, I know you’ve been pushing me to stop running since I took off a couple of months ago, but today you’re being extra pushy so what gives Glady? Fess up. You’ve never been good at keeping secrets anyway.”

She sighs heavy heartedly. “Lola, do you ever check in at home… with anyone?”

Lying down on the bed, I squeeze my eyes shut as a feel a ping of homesickness, not for my father, but for the few people I did care about. My few friends, a couple of my bodyguards, Layton. “No, it wouldn’t be smart… the people looking for me... I’m sure they’re watching the people I’d contact.”

“What about…. What about Layton? Do you ever talk to him?”

The ping of homesickness erupts into straight up heartache. “No, he’s the last person I can contact,” I say a hint of emotion sneaking into my tone. I miss Layton—miss everything about him. Even though I still have no idea where his allies stand, I can’t forget about him stepping in and shooting someone for me, not can I forget all the years we were friends.

It’s been two months since Layton and I parted paths that cold night in front of my house. The night he kissed me with desperation then told me to run for my life after we’d both committed murder. “Run away. It’s the only way you’ll survive this. Run away and never look back. It’s what your mother should have done,” were the last words he said. I thought about contact him a few times, but can’t seem to bring myself to do it, knowing it’d be a stupid move. If Layton hasn’t gotten in trouble with Frankie and the Dellefontes and is still around Boston, then I know for a fact the Dellefontes are watching him like a hawk to get to me. They know—everyone does—that Layton and I have history and there are so many times I relied on him for help.

Like that night.

My Aunt stays silent for what feels like an eternity. The longer it goes on, the more I realize that not only is she keeping something from me, but it has to be something extremely bad.

“Glady just tell me. What ever it is just spit it out.” I open my eyes and stair up at the dingy ceiling. The place I’m living in is a real dive, but being extravagant isn’t an option anymore. Blend in. No credit cards. Cash only, which means I have to earn the cash and I’m discovering that I’ve lived a very lucky, sheltered life. Minimum wage sucks, but I do what I have to do to survive, working two jobs—one as a waitress at a strip club and I also work the night shift as a cashier at the local gas station In Rapid Falls.

“I’m so sorry, Lola,” she whispers hoarsely, about to cry. “But Layton… Layton died about a week ago.”

At first I think I’ve heard her wrong. “Huh? What are you talking about?”

“I’m so sorry Sweetie,” she utters. “But Layton… he’s gone.”

Invisible fingers wrap around my neck as it feels like the wind is knocked out of me. As emotions battle their way to the surface, it feels like I’m being stabbed with a thousand needles. Pain. Blinding. Aching, No, it can’t be true. “I don’t understand,” I say, breathless as I slowly sit up in bed. “There’s no way that could be possible.”

“I’m so sorry. Your father called and told me a couple of days ago to see if I could come out for the funeral… I think he hoped I’ve been talking to you, so you would come home. I would have called you sooner, but since I don’t have your number, I had to wait for you to call.”

Breath in. Breathe out. Dammit, Lola. Breathe. “I still don’t believe you.” I swallow the lump in my throat as my heart thumps unsteadily inside my chest. I don’t know what I feel—pain yes, that’s a given. But there’s something else, something much deeper and it makes me realize something about Layton and I. About my feelings for him, so much stronger than I’d ever thought. “I can’t be true. There’s no way.”

But I know it could very well be true. The world we both grew up in makes death easy and living hard. I should have said so much more to him the last time I saw him. Like thank you for saving me, for being my friend, even though we weren’t toward the end. For stepping in when it all came down to it. Helped me when I’d frozen during the kill and almost got myself killed instead. He saved my life and I never got to properly thank him.

And now it’s too late.

God, no, no, no, no, no! Don’t let it be true!

My Aunt Glady sighs again. “Denial isn’t the way to go. Trust me, it’ll only make this more painful.”

“I’m not in denial.” My voice wavers and I squeeze my eyes as tears burn. My lungs have forgot to function, but my heart is overly functioning, pounding, thrashing, battling the pain with it’s erratic rhythm. “I’m just...” I suck in a large breath of air. “How? How did he die?”

“He was shot… by one of the Dellefontes men,” she says quietly. “I guess the had put a hit out on him a while ago for something… I’m not quite sure why—you’re father was really vague on the phone.”

“No, there’s no way… Layton is smarter than that… He would have ran from Stefan Dellefontes if he had put a hit on him.” The pain spreads through my body, blazes like fire, hot, scorching, burning me form the inside. If this is true, then it’s my fault for freezing up and forcing him to step up and kill two of the Dellefontes men that night. My fault. All my fault.

“I saw the obituary in the paper,” she says in a gentle voice. “And an article about the Everett’s losing another child to the drug war going on. I’m sorry honey, but it’s true.”

I start to tremble, shake with rage, pain, heartache. I can’t get oxygen into my lungs, can’t get my heart to settle down. Part of me wants to die right here and never move forward in life again. “This is all my fault… I never should have left him that night—I should have begged him to come with me when I ran. I knew after we made the kill a war would break out with my family and it could also fall back on the Everett’s… I knew yet I still ran.”

She’s quiet for forever, probably because she probably has no idea what I’m talking about. “I’m sorry… maybe you should come here for a while. Come visit Uncle Shelton and me. We’d love to see you and you’d be safe here.”

“I’ll be found if I go there.” I press my fingers to the brim of my nose as I curl up into a call. God, it hurts so much, more than when I killed someone. I want to curl in a ball and die.

“Honey, no one’s going to come looking for you here. We’re out in the sticks. Hardly anyone knows we live here.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Of course.”

I exhale and shake my head before I open my eyes. “Do me a favor and look out your window.”

“Okay… but why?”

“Just do it.”

I wait, attempting not to picture Layton lying in a pool of his own blood, but it’s all I can see. Blood everywhere. Blood on my hands, like the night I took a life.

“Lola, I don’t see anything,” Glady tells me with confusion.

“How about to the left out in the woods beside your house?” I know her house like the back of my hand, having spent many summers they’re with my mother before she died.

“Hold on. Let me look. Although I’m not even sure what I’m looking for…” She trails off and I think jackpot. “Wait, I think I see someone out there… hold on… okay it could be just a person camping or something, but… okay. Weird. They ran off when I waved.”

I sigh tiredly then force myself to sit up. “Don’t worry. I’m sure it’s just one of my father’s men. They won’t hurt you.”

“But why have I never noticed before?” she wonders. “If they were here I should have noticed.”

“You weren’t looking before,” I explain as I stand up. Every part of my body groans in protest, wanting to lay back down and just go to sleep. Things would be so much easier if I did. Shut my eyes and never open them again. “I’m guessing they’ve been there on and off since I ran away. I’ve actually been suspicious for a few weeks now when you told me that weird story about that man walking up to your house to give you your mail he so kindly picked up from you mailbox.”

“Jesus, how could I be so stupid,” she mutters under her breath. “I should know better.”

“It’s an easy mistake to make.” I look out the window at the clouds covering the sky and showing the land. “And you’re not used to this kind of stuff.”

“Still… why do you think they’re here…” She pauses, then exhales. “He thinks you’re going to come to me for help.” It’s not a question, but a revelation about my father. “Lola, just how much trouble are you in? Please just tell me what happened. Maybe I can help.”

“It’s better if you don’t know,” I tell her, then swallow hard. “In fact, I think it’s probably better if I don’t call you anymore… I don’t want to bring you into this mess anymore.”

“Lola, I want to help—”

I cut her off. “Bye Glady. I love you.” I hang up before she can say anything else. Then I pull the battery out of the phone and toss it into the garbage can, knowing it’s what I have to do to protect not only myself, but the ones I love.

Everything single part of my body aches, like my bones are splintering apart, my lungs shriveling—dying and taking my heart right alone with it. It feels like I should be crying, but instead I feel cold. Numb. I want to get revenge. Track down Layton’s killer and kill him myself. I wonder if I could do it? Kill again. If I was this dead inside them maybe.

Go back.

Stay.

Run.

What the hell should I do?

There’s so much emotion flaring through me, hot, potent, just like the night I killed someone. It’s too much. Life is too much. I want it gone.

Shut if down. Shut if down. I don’t want to feel the pain of death again.

I was able to do it before, when I killed someone, but this time, no matter what I tell myself, no matter what I refuse to feel, Layton is dead and that fact in itself hurts more than anything else I’ve ever experienced. The guy I grew up with, who made me smile, who protected me from everything, even myself, the guy who told me he loved me and I couldn’t say it back is gone forever.

I could have loved him, but now I’ll never know. I wouldn’t even let him kiss me. God, if he was here again, I’d let him kiss me.

As that thought replays in my head over and over, I feel part of myself die too. And I know I’ll never be the same again—that part of me died right along with him.

So I do the only thing I can.

I run.

Refusing to look back.

Refusing to ever feel anything again.

Chapter 2

18 months later….

Lola

I’m not sure who I am anymore. Lola. Lolita. Good? Bad? Somewhere in the middle? All this time running from death and I think I might have landed somewhere in the middle. One of those women who see in blurry color, half good and half bad. Half alive, half dead inside.

God I feels so dead inside. But it’s good. It’s what I deserve.

During the day when the sun is up, I’m Lola Benntingson, the secretary at a car dealership. I wear longer skirts, collar shirts with sleeves that conceal my tattoos. My hair is either loose at my shoulders or pulled back in a bun. So sophisticated. So proper. This is how I have to be, in order to survive life. And the same goes for so my nightlife. The one that I make a lot of money fast, the one I feel more comfortable in because it helps take the pain away for a moment. The one where I’m, Lolita Leigh, the escort who men pay to take out and then have sex with, following right in my mother’s footsteps I guess. It’s life I can’t let anyone know about, because if I allow too many people know Lola Leigh, draw too much attention to myself, then they discover my real name, which is neither my day or night name. And if the wrong people found out my real one, I’d be dead. Dead like Layton.

God, every time. Stop thinking about him!

“Earth to Lola.” Marla Walterford, a secretary at Danni and Dony’s Hot Deals Dealership, waves her hand in front of my face, jerking me out of my daze.

I blink my attention away from the computer screen, which I’ve been staring at for God knows how long. She’s twenty-five, two years older than me, but looks at least seven or eight years my senior mainly because she wears the wrong shades of makeup and likes to wear sweater sets and slacks.

“What’s up?” I ask her, pretending to sort through files stacked on my desk, like I’m actual doing something instead of staring off into empty space, thinking about a guy I may have loved but will never ever know for sure.

She gives me a fake smile, the one she uses on me everyday. There’s a smudge of pink lipstick on her teeth and a flake of what looks like lettuce. “Danny wants to see you in his office,” she says.

I arch my brow as I set the folders aside. “What for?”

She shrugs, rolling her eyes, but then catches her blunder and plasters the grin back on her face. “He didn’t say why. Just that he needed to see you.”

I set a stack of files aside. “Maybe he’s finally going to give me those extra hours I’ve been asking for.”

“Maybe… or maybe he’s cutting them back. He has been talking about letting a few people go,” she replies and I can hear the hope in her voice, like she’s crossing her fingers that the reason. “But don’t worry. I’m sure there’s a ton of other jobs out there for you.”

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s the extra hours thing,” I say. I’ve been wanting more hours at both of my jobs to make more money so I can move again of I need to. It happens every so often. Things get sketchy and I have to bail. But moving cost money, especially when I have to pay in cash for everything and pay in full since I refuse to give out my real name and let people do background checks. Getting this job was just pure luck and it’s nice to bring in extra income. My other job was much easier to get, the whole business as sketchy as my father’s job. Between both jobs, I’ve managed to stash away some cash but I’m going to need more.

“Well, I guess you’ll find out.” Marla’s struggling to keep a cheery tone and a snide tone is slipping through.

I keep my sweet smile on as I stand up and adjust my skirt to a more appropriate work-length, which causes her to scowl. “Is something wrong?” I ask, smoothing my shoulder length black hair into place. I used to have streaks of color in it, but decided to dye it in an attempt to blend in with society more.

Her lips turn upward, but the hatred burns in her eyes. “You look super cute today.”

“Thanks.” I give her a smile, which only seems to annoy her more, but honestly I’ve got more shit to worry about than whether or not Marla likes me. So I head for Danni’s office. The door is open, so I rap my hand on the doorframe. “Knock, knock, knock,” I say and Danni glances up at me from the computer, startled.

“Lola, please come in..” Danni says, motioning for me to enter. He’s a nice guy and boss, about sixty years old and is married to the nicest women I ever met, Mary Lou. I’ve kind of broken my rules by getting to know them. When I’d ran off, I’d made a promise not to get to know anyone enough to get attached, not only to keep my identity a secret but also to protect them just in case I was found. “Have a seat.”

I sit down in the chair and cross my legs. “Marla said you wanted to see me about something.”

He nods, grabbing a cookie off a plate that’s on his desk. “Want one? They’re chocolate chip.”

“Sure.” I take one from the plate. Biting into it, my taste buds enter heaven. “Jesus, these are good. Did Mary make them?”

He nods, setting the half-eaten cookie down on the plate. “They’re amazing, aren’t they? It’s her specialty—cookies. Can’t cook a damn thing except for the sweet stuff.”

I lick some chocolate off my lip. “Well, tell her they taste divine.”

He nods, folding his arms on the table, his light mood shifting to serious. “I will. And it’ll mean a lot to her, coming from you. She’s fond of you, you know.” There’s an underlying meaning in his tone, but I can figure out what he’s trying to say.

“I’m very fond of her too,” I say, but I’m starting to get uneasy from his shift in mood. “So… what did you want to talk about?”

He doesn’t answer right away, just stares at me with reluctance, worry, uneasiness. “Lola, how ling have you been working for me?”

“A little over a month about.” I try to remain calm—no use getting all worked up until I know what’s up. But it’s still hard when he’s looking at me like he’s about to fall apart.

“And things have been going good for you here in Glensdale?”

I nod, wondering where he’s going with this. “Yeah, things have been going fine.”

He wavers, looking torn, then blows out a breath. “Lola… I know…”

A ripple of fear shoots up my spine. He knows? About what? There are so many secrets in my life anymore and most of them are bad and have the potential to get me fired. “Know what?”

He sighs then reaches for a piece of paper tucked in one of the folders. Without saying a word, he extends his arm across the desk toward me and sets the paper down in front of me.

I pick it up and read it aloud. “One of your employees is working down at The Dusky Inn.” I frown. Shit. Who the hell told him? “Okay, but what does it have to do with me?” I figure playing dumb is best, since it doesn’t say my name on it.

He blows out a stressed breath. “Turn it over.”

I do what he says, preparing myself for the worse. “Lola Bennington has a lot of secrets. You should look into her.” My hand is desperate to tremble, fear trying to get the best of me, but I refuse to let it—refuse to show weakness. The one good thing about it is that it doesn’t say my real name, which means it couldn’t be anyone from my past, right? But then why does my gut seem to say otherwise. And why the hell does the handwriting look so damn familiar. “Where did you get this?” My voice sounds strained and I clear my throat.

He sighs, reclining back in his chair with a look on his face that I assume a father would give his daughter if he found out the same thing—utter disappointed. “It was left on my doorstep the other day.”

“Of your house?” I ask, surprised. They left it at his house? Who the hell could it be then? Marla? An obvious choice, since she’s the one person here that truly hates me to do this sort of thing and I’m sure knows where Danni lives. And I’ve seen her handwriting enough that it could be the reason why the scrawling on the note has familiarity.

Other than Marla, there are only a few other people I cross paths with and most are people who work at The Dusky Inn or are clients. Would one of them do this to me?

“It was left on my doorstep… Mary found it actually, but don’t worry. She didn’t quite put together what it really meant.” He seems so dishearten about. “Look Lola, are you in some kind of trouble? Because if you are… maybe Mary and I could help.”

“It depends on what you mean by trouble,” I mutter, examining the handwriting. If I could see something Marla wrote, then maybe I could match it up with her’s and case solve.

“Financial trouble.” He appears to be really perplexed. “What other trouble could there be?”

Oh sweet Danni, the fact that you can ask that question shows just how naïve you are. “I’m fine,” I assure him. “I was just doing it as a side job… you know, to save up so I can hopefully one day get my own place.” I fold up the piece of paper and keep a hold of it. “Look, I didn’t want to tell anyone that I worked there because I assumed they’d think less of me, but I promise. I just work as a secretary. You can even call there and ask.”

He seems undecided, but I know he likes me enough that he’ll more than likely believe me. People tend to believe what they want to. Like the person and you believe the good things. Hate them and you love to believe the bad.

He starts to relax, sitting up in his chair. “Alright, sorry I made accusations,” he apologizes for something he technically didn’t do. “I just worry about you and when I read this well… The Dusky Inn has a reputation… a really bad one.”

Obviously. It’s basically a whorehouse. “I know it does. Trust me. And I hate working there,” Lie. I don’t hate it as much as I should because it helps me with my self-induced numbness, “But I really want a house. The apartments in this town are all small, rundown, and overpriced.” I hate lying to him, but do what I got to do to survive. If we starting going into the real reason, then we’ll have to start going into the real Lola and that’d be opening Pandora’s Box.

He contemplates what I said with wariness. “Would extra hours here help at all? I know you’ve been asking for them and if it would help get you out of there, I’m sure I could scrounge up some extra stuff for you to do.”

“That would be very helpful,” I tell him, loathing myself more than I already do. Not only because I’m lying about quitting at The Dusky Inn, but also because I know that one day I’m just going to have to take off without saying good-bye and leave Danni and Mary Lou wondering a lot of things about me. It makes me feel like such a bad person, but then again, that’s who I am anymore. A person who ruins and destroys things.

Destroys people.

We chat for a little bit longer then I leave Danni’s office, stopping by the vending machine to buy two Cokes. Then I stroll toward Marla’s desk, ready to interrogate and get to the bottom of the note. Marla seems like she’ll be easy to break too, if she did it.

She’s reading through some papers when I approach her so I catch her off guard and her frown slips through. “Oh, hey Lola.” Her smile is stiff. “How’d the meeting with Danni go?”

“Super.” I take a seat in the chair in front of her desk and then set one of the Coke’s down in front of her while I open the other. “He gave me extra hours and I thought I’d stop by and celebrate with you.”

She gives the can of soda I just gave her a dirty look. “Why?” She picks up the drink. “I mean, thanks I guess.”

“No problem.” I pop the tab on my drink and sit back in the chair, totally in my element at the moment. If it’s one thing I learned from my old life, it’s how to break people down, crack them open, get the truth out of them. “So, how are things going with Chase?”

“Good, I guess.” She takes a sip of her soda. “We’ve been talking about moving in together.”

“That’s great,” I say without taking my eyes off her. Break her down. Break her down. “That he loves you that much.”

“Yeah, sure. I guess.” She pauses, getting uneasy. “How do you know about Chase? I mean, that I was dating him? You and I don’t talk that much.”

I shrug as I open the soda and take a sip. “Lana was telling me out your relationship and how super cute you two are. Way cuter than when the two of them dated.” Lana is probably the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen. Long brown hair, skin like honey, perfect lips, perfect body. Plus, she’s super nice and sweet. I serious have a girl crush on her, which makes me feel bad for using her my play, but she’s also nice enough to forgive me when this is all said and done.

“Wait. Lana dated Chase?” Marla looks horrified at the thought of sweet, perfect Lana dating her Chase. “Neither of them mentioned this to me.”

“Oh.” I place my hand over my mouth. “I’m so sorry. I thought you knew.”

Her eyes flare with anger. “Will you excuse me for a moment.” She rises from her chair and storms off toward the break room.

Once she’s out of sight, I grab a few papers from her desk and compare her handwriting to the note Danni gave me. It’s not even close and I immediately get this sense of uneasiness. I know the handwriting but why? Who’s could it possibly be? I was really hoping it was Marla. I can handle Marla, even if she knew everything, because she’s be easy to break down. But now that I know it’s not her opens a whole lot of doors and a whole lot of worry. Anyone could be the person that wrote it, including someone from my old life. What if my secrets have fallen into the wrong hands?

What if I’ve finally been caught?

Chapter 3

Lola

For the last two years, I’ve had nightmares about the night I shot and killed a man with a tattoo of 99 and the name Denny. I never did find out who the guy was or who Denny was, but in my mind Denny was the guy’s son, which means I killed a father. I sometimes think maybe I should be dead myself. That I deserve to be caught and tortured for what I’ve done. But it’s more naturally to survive so instead of facing what I’ve caused, I run and let the pain silently eat away at me. I’m a pro anymore with dealing with the nightmares anymore. When I wake up, drenched in sweat, my hands warm with the memory of blood painted on them, I barely so much as gasp, barely feel a thing. The same goes for whenever I think about Layton. I won’t let myself feel anything for him—feel anything at all—because I know the moment I let the guilt, remorse, and vast sense of losing the love of my life spill through, I’ll drowned in the emotion. So I’ve learned over the last couple of years that there are certain things that help me remain cold and detached inside, like working myself to the bone. If I’m having a bad day, I work the crap out of myself, until I’m so tired that it’s too exhausting to be worried. Unfortunately, that’s not the case today because the note is getting to me.

I’m really off my game, unable to get past it and the fear of who wrote it. I can barely concentrate—barely get anything done, almost as bad as the few months after I found out Layton was dead. Even when Marla comes back and chews me out for lying to her about her boyfriend, I can barely conjure up a good lie. My thoughts are elsewhere.

It’s time to run again. Move again. Disappear. The notes said secrets. What if they know more about me than just my nighttime job? What if it’s one of the Dellefontes? What if I’m found? Even if I try to run now, they’ll find me or catch me before I can even escape.

Fortunately through the chaos in my head, I do manage to keep it together on the outside, even when I go straight to my second job at The Dusky Inn. I’m as cool and collected as I chat with my boss Nyjah while he gives me a rundown of my client tonight and then he starts onto tomorrow’s client, listing off what he asked for. Nyjah is a pretty decent guy, considering what he does. He’s young, twenty-seven, and runs the business mainly because his dad, Reagan makes him. Honestly, he seems like he hates the job most of the time and I wonder why he doesn’t leave. His dad’s an ass, always yelling at everything that moves, and bailing out is possible—I should know.

“He didn’t ask for sex?” I question warily after I get the lowdown on tonight’s “date.” “Really?” They always ask for sex, although some don’t go through with it in the end.

“It happens sometimes, just not a lot.” Nyjah shrugs, kicking his feet up on the desk, His jeans are frayed and his shirt’s unbutton, revealing his colorful, detailed, tattoos covering his chest. There’s always been one in particular that’s caught my attention—one on his neck. It looks like a family crest, a triangle with a strange symbol inside that looks like the roman numeral ten. Back home a lot of people I know have tattoos of their family crests, but I haven’t seen any since I left Boston. When I asked Nyjah, he said it had to do with his past and his mother, but didn’t go into details. Afterward, I’d done a search on their last name—Peirton—just to make sure they weren’t mobster.

“It still seems a little weird,” I tell him, picking at my fiery red nail polish. I’m in my nighttime attire, my earrings in place now, lining up the lobe, like silver and diamond artwork along with a few studs on my eyebrows. My black hair is down and wildly wavy, my lips are stained red, my eyes like smoke, and I have a dress on that barely covers up my ass and boots that go up to my thighs. And strapped to my thigh, underneath my dress, is a gun

Nijah arches his brow as he lowers his feet to the floor and sits up in his chair. “Considering some of the fetishes mentioned by some of the clients we get in here, I’m a little puzzled why you’re acting so weird about this.”

I sigh and shake off the edge. “Sorry. I’m just having a… weird day.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” he asks with concern. “You know I’m here for you—always will be.”

I almost laugh since Danni said almost the exact same thing to me just a few hours earlier which makes me feel the slightest bit guilty. Like Mary and Danni, I think I’ve crossed a line with Nyjah too. But he’s a tough enough guy that I’m sure it won’t crush his heart when I take off—well, if I take off. It’s kind of in the air right now, depending on how the thing with the note goes and who wrote it.

“Nah, I just need to work past it, but thanks for the offer.” I give him the best smile I can muster.

It seems like he wants to say more, his crystal blue eyes boring into me. “Maybe you should take tonight off… Get some rest. We could hang out here. Order in some food. Whatever you want.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” My tone is playful because I know it’s not what he’s doing, at least that’s what I originally thought until he looks at me with a very intent, serious expression.

“If that’s what you want,” he says, maintaining my gaze. “Then yeah, we can do the whole date thing.”

“Nyjah, you don’t want to date me. Trust me. I’m not dating material.” And the idea of going out on a date makes me want to throw up. Yes, I have sex with men, but for money and the fact that it hollows me inside makes it possible. But actually going on a date with someone, setting myself up for some kind of romantic connection, makes me feel sick. I still haven’t gotten over Layton—not sure that I ever will—so dating isn’t an option.

“I know what you are, Lola—I know what I’m getting into.”

“No you don’t. Trust me.” I squirm uncomfortably in the chair. “If you did, you wouldn’t be talking to me.”

He shakes his head with aggravation. “You always think so lowly of yourself. Is that why you do it? Because you don’t think you deserve better.”

I’m getting irritated, even though I know I shouldn’t be. He only cares about me, but I’m not worthy of his sympathy—worthy of anything. “No, that’s not why I do it. I do it for the same reason everyone else around here does. Because I’m a slut who likes sex.”

He rolls his eyes. “That’s not why everyone does it and you know it.”

“It’s why some do.”

“Yeah, but not you. I saw it in your eyes the day you walked in here. You’re carrying something dark inside you.”

I’m having a hard time breathing. “Nyjah, please drop it. I don’t want to talk about this. I just want to go do my job, which apparently is going to be real easy tonight since he doesn’t list wanting sex.”

“Yeah, but what if he does want sex?” he questions, searching my eyes for God knows what. “What if his weird answers to the questionnaire were simply because he didn’t want to admit what he was expecting?”

“Okay, then I’ll fuck him. Sex is nothing new, Nyjah.”

“Yeah, but you’re distracted today.”

I shrug. “Distracted or not, I can still be a great sex partner.”

He pauses, scratching at the back of his neck. I’m still in a little bit of shock about him asking me out. Yeah, he’s flirted with me a few times, but never acted on it. In a normal world, I’d be flattered, but this isn’t the normal world. This is Lola’s world, offspring of a very powerful, very dangerous drug lord.

“You know, my dad’s looking for help around the office again,” Nyjah says, lowering his hand onto his lap. “I know you said you weren’t interested the last time you offered, but thought maybe you’d changed your mind over the last couple of weeks.”

I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Do we really have to do this again? I already told you, I can’t take the job and I still feel the same way.”

“Is it because of the money?”

“Partly. But there’s more to it than that, again, something I’ve already told you.”

“Like what?”

I consider what to tell him, consider the real reason, consider what makes me do the things I do without feeling any sense of shame. “Look, can we just leave it at I have some issues and this… job helps me deal with those issues. Without it, I’d just have to think all the time and I don’t want to think.” I sigh. “Women can enjoy sex, you know.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” He pauses, rubbing his hand over his shortly shaven hair. “And it doesn’t seem like you enjoy it whether you’ll admit it or not.”

“You know, if you really want to pick people’s minds, Nyjah, then you should consider a career in psychology,” I say, getting up from the chair. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a guy to go fuck.”

He shakes his head, getting frustrated. “Fine, Lola. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He goes from friendly to formal in a second flat then gets up from his desk but then pauses, opens a drawer, and retrieves an envelope. He shoves it in my direction and when I take it he cross over to another woman who works here. He never seems to give any of them crap and I wish he’d do the same for me—stop trying to figure me out. And never ask me out again. Besides, if he really knew what was going on in my head, all the things I’ve thought and done, he’d probably run for his life.

I turn to leave, opening the envelope that has my name on it, figuring it’s my paycheck. Well, cash for my work since I won’t do checks. But I realize it’s too thin to be holding cash and by the time I get it open, I’m a confused. But the confusion shifts to sheer panic when I see a piece of paper inside, just like the note that was given to Dannie. It’s the same handwriting too.

Everything you know is a lie.

My gaze snaps up and I quickly scan the room. The women that I work with are loitering around near the bar area and sitting at the tables and some are on the stairway smoking. Nyjah is still chatting with the same woman with frustration in his expression. I hurry over to him, trying to keep myself together, but I sound breathless.

“Where did you get this?” I ask him, holding up the envelope, my hand twitching to go up my dress and to the gun strapped to my thigh. I carry it with me whenever I can for protection and right now it feels like I need protection.

“It was left in the mailbox out front.” His brows knit and he starts to reach for the envelope. “Why? What’s—”

I don’t let him finish. I rush off out of the building and onto the front porch. The Dusky Inn is exactly what it sounds like—an Inn. It’s a old two story-building enclosed by a rickety porch and is hidden out in a neighborhood where most of the houses look about as depressed and outdated as it so it doesn’t stand out. It also has a bright red mailbox out front near the edge of the gate. I always thought it was a little strange, mainly in the sense that it actually looked nice. Marching down to it, I open it up, not sure what I’m looking for but don’t find anything but a flyer for a free carwash. I shut the mailbox and glance around the neighborhood, again not sure what I’m looking for but feeling as though I need to search for an answer as to who the hell is sending the notes.

Nothing appears of the ordinary, though. A few people smoking and drinking on the porch next door. A guy working on his car. The usual drug dealers and prostitutes on the corner of the street. They’re there a lot and I wonder if any of them noticed anything different this morning.

I go over to one of the woman who I’ve chat with a couple of times. Her work name is Luscious and she’s nice enough. She’s always wearing a different color wig—today neon pink, which matches her stilettos.

“Hey Luscious,” I say, ignoring the few other women who give me dirty looks because of where I work. There’s sort of this ongoing fight between the women who work at The Dusky Inn and the street corner girls because the Dusky Inn girls think there more upper class hookers, which doesn’t make sense to me but still makes most of the women who work the corner hate me.

“Hey Lola.” She smiles at me as she struts away from the curb and the crowd, her heels clicking on the sidewalk. “What’s going on with the rich girl?”

“Not rich, remember. And nothing much.” I glance over her shoulder at the people watching us then lower my voice and lean. “I was just wondering if you notice anyone a little… suspicious hanging around here this morning?”

She cocks a brow, propping her hand on her hip. “Honey, have you seen the neighborhood we work in. Everyone is suspicious around here.”

“Yeah, I know… maybe suspicious isn’t the right word.” I pause. “Have you seen anyone maybe watching The Dusky Inn or perhaps put something in the mailbox.”

“You mean like the mailman.”

“No someone else… someone was maybe dressed in a suit.”

She considers what I said, her head tipped to the side. “No, I don’t think so. But let me ask around.” Before I can say anything else, she wanders back to the crowd and starts chatting with everyone. Moments later she saunters back over with a shorter guy with overgrown hair and a goatee.

“Luscious says you’re looking for someone suspicious?” he asks, eyeing me over with want in his eyes.

I nod warily, not liking how he’s looking at me. “Yeah, someone maybe hanging out around The Dusky Inn.”

He gives me an amused grin. “Yeah, I saw someone staring at the building this morning. Some woman actually I’ve never seen before.”

Woman? Okay, not what I was expecting. I glance around at the houses then back at him. “Can you tell me what he looked like?”

His grin darkens and he tsks me. “Not so fast. First you gotta pay then I’ll give the info.”

I shake my head. “How much?”

“I don’t want your money.” His gaze lingers on my breasts before slowly traveling up to my face.

“Fuck you,” I say, my hand moving for my gun, ready to threaten him, but then I stop when I realize just how stupid of a move that would be.

Luscious slaps the guy on the back of the head. “Don’t me an ass. Just tell her what you told me.”

He glares at her. “Watch it bitch.”

Luscious raises her hand to hit him again, but I quickly pull two twenty’s out of my bra and wave it in his face. “Forty bucks if you just tell me what the woman looked like.” I’m not even sure if it’ll matter, if I’ve never seen the guy before.

He stares at the money for a second then snatches it out of my hands. “Yeah, okay.” He stuffs the money into his pocket. “She looked like you.” He starts to walk off, but I snag him by the arm.

“Don’t be an asshole,” I snap. “I gave you forty bucks now tell me what she looks like.”

He looks back at me, then down at my hand on his arm. “Hands off bitch,” he says.

“Not until you tell me.”

“I already told you she looked like you. Tall. Nice tits and ass. Same eyes and your faces looked pretty the same too. She was a little older maybe, but still hella fine.” He winks at me and makes this disgusting pucker with his lips.

“Oh yeah.” Luscious slams her hand against her forehead. “I saw her too, but I thought she was you. Except she was dressed in all leather which didn’t seem like something you would wear”

Leather? What the hell? “I wasn’t here this morning.”

Luscious shrugs. “Well, I thought it was you. Sure as hell looked like you.”

“Nah, I got up close to her,” the guy says. “She looked older and a little bot different. Bigger breasts too.”

My heart misses a beat in my chest as I stand frozen in time, lips parted, shocked to my very core. “Older like someone who could be my mother?”

“Mother. Older sister. Whatever.” He jerks his arm out of my hold. “We’re done here. I gotta get back to work.”

This time I let him walk off. It doesn’t matter if he stayed or not. I’m completely speechless. Someone that looked like me. Someone like a mother or a sister. Problem is I don’t have a sister. And my mother’s dead.

So who the hell is she?

Chapter 4

Lola

I’m falling apart. Almost two years of suppressing my emotions and now their all manifesting in the form of anxiety. The thing that really sucks is that I only had an hour from when I was at The Dusky Inn until I had to meet my client for the night.

I think about calling my Aunt Glady, seeing if maybe she knows any of my relatives who look like me and perhaps have a leather fetish. There’s a ton I’ve never met before, so who the hell knows. Maybe my father has one of my aunts or cousins out looking for me. Although, I don’t know why the hell he’d have them give me strange notes. It doesn’t make any sense and I really don’t want to get my Aunt Glady involved in this. It’s why I cut ties with her almost two years ago.

So instead I do what I need to do and get cleaned up to go to work, making sure to pack my gun. I pretty much check over my shoulder every five seconds, knowing that someone out there, in the street, in the restaurant—everywhere—there’s probably someone watching me.

Thankfully, I’m a pro at turning myself off when I need to. Despite my rattle nerves, the night goes smoothly. I have dinner with my client Tenner, a tall, larger guy in his early thirties, who smells like cheap cologne and who can’t seem to take his eyes off my cleavage. I make sure to drink a lot of scotch, because scotch makes almost anything okay, including sex with a guy I’m in no way attracted too. Then we go up to the room where it’s clear he wants sex despite what he said to Nyjah so I strip everything off but my boots so my gun will stay hidden.

He’s nervous and it’s my job to make him relaxed so I sit him down on the bed and straddle him. “Relax baby,” I tell him as he grips at my hips. For a moment I wince at his touch, but then smile, pretending that it’s Layton I’m touching. I always picture him when I do this, which is probably fucked up in so many ways but so am I. Sex with Layton had always been good, despite the many complications between us and it’s the one time I can think of him without being bombarded by emotions. Sex has always been sort of a relaxing, calming sort of experience for me, and now it’s become my way of numbing. Like I’ve devoured glass after glass of Whiskey.

“I am relaxed,” Tenner promises, then leans in to kiss me, his eyes closing, his lips puckered.

I put my hand over his mouth and slant back, shaking my head, but keeping my charming smile on. “No kissing on the mouth. Remember.” My rule, not The Dusky Inn’s. It was my one stipulation when I started working there, something that bugged Reagan but Nyjah made it his duty to inform all the clients of this. The no kissing rule had started with something my mother had told me, but honestly, after Layton died, I made a silent promise to myself never to kiss a guy ever. He’d stolen a short kiss that night when we fucked in the bathroom stale and I want that to be the last kiss I ever have.

I lower my hand as his eyes open, and then let my hands wander toward his cock, turning inside everything off until I feel so numb I swear I’ve died. I’ve done it a hundred times and it’s starting to get somewhat alarming how easily I can shut down in the snap of a finger. Sometimes I wonder if one day I won’t be able to turn it back on.

As my hand brushes his harness, Tenner reaches down and grabs my wrist roughly, apparently shaking all of his nerves in a second flat—either that or it was just a facade. “I was told that I could do whatever.”

This isn’t the first time a guy’s gotten a little rough with me and I know the best thing to do is keep everything calm. “Well, whoever told you that was wrong? There are a few things I don’t do. Like kissing.” Why the hell did Nyjah not tell him this?

His fingertips press downward, fingernails biting my skin. “Wrong or not, I want what I was told I would get. I paid good money for you.”

“It’s just a kiss,” I tell him calmly. “No big deal. I have a lot of other talents.” I reach for his cock again, although this time it’s not as easy at the first, my irritation getting to me.

He swats me hand away and suddenly I’m being flipped over onto the bed on my belly. He pushes down on me, pressing my face into the mattress. “It’s just a kiss for now, but the next thing I know you’ll be stealing my wallet and taking off before I even get laid.”

I don’t squirm. Don’t scream. Barely breathe. I’m not afraid. Not yet anyway. “Whoever did that to you didn’t work for Nyjah. We have rules there. Now just tell me what you want.”

He shoves on me harder, his hand on my back, his weight hovering over me and he leans down and breathes in my ear, “I want you to scream.” I feel his weight come down on me, his hand hitting me in the back of the head. It feels like my skull cracks and my ears start to ring.

“Mother fucker,” I curse, blinking my vision back into focus. That went downhill really fast. I try to slam my head back against but he dodges my advances. Fighting against his weight, I wiggle my arm out from under me and lean to the side, reaching down to my boot. I can feel the tip of his hard on pressing against me, one hand grabbing my hair, the other pushing me down and I know that at any moment he’s going to slip inside me. It shouldn’t be different, but it is. It feels twister and makes me feel sick to my stomach so mustering up every ounce of strength I have, I push upward, forcing his weight off me. My hand slides into my boot and as I roll over I withdraw my gun.

He’s about to lunge at me, but catches sight of the gun and stops in his tracks, kneeling on the edge of the bed near my legs and putting his hands up. “What the hell is this shit? This wasn’t part of the deal.”

Sitting up, I keep the gun aimed at him, hating that my hand is a little unsteady. “What deal?”

His eyes are wide and full of alarm. “My deal with Reagan. He said if I paid an extra five hundred I could get rough with you. He’s done it for me before with another woman.”

Fucking Reagan. His morals have always questionable at best and I’m starting to wonder if maybe this is why Nyjah pushed so hard for me to stop escorting—perhaps he knew this shit was coming. Maybe that’s where the date offer was coming from. Perhaps he knew this is what I’d be facing tonight.

“Well, Reagan never told me this, nor did I get any extra money to let some fucking pervert live out his rape fantasy.” With the gun still out, I move off the bed and reach for my dress. Tenner starts to move for me again, but I shove the gun against his chest. “You touch me and you’re fucking dead.”

He backs away, looking angry, yet terrified at the same time. “Stupid cunt.”

I tell him to sit down on the bed then I hurry and get dressed, keeping the gun pointed at him, getting more and more irritated every second. I should just leave but the bad part of me seeks revenge, wants to teach him a lesson, so instead I move toward him. “Hand me your wallet.”

He shakes his head. “No way. I’m not getting ripped off more.”

Rolling my eyes, I bend down and pick up his pants, searching his pockets until I find his wallet. I open it up and find a picture of his family. No shocker there.

“A wife and two kids, huh?” I ask, taking a thin stack of tens and twenties out of his wallet and tucking them into my bra.

He narrows his eyes at me. “You’re going to pay for this you bitch.”

“No, I’m not,” I start to say, but then he’s springing from the bed and running at me. I move to shoot but choke up. The image of the tattooed guy I killed to years ago flashing through my head.

Kill him.

Protect yourself.

I can’t.

I start to run for the door, but he tackles me from behind and wrestles the gun from my hand. I open my mouth and scream, hating that that’s what he wants, that it’s probably turning him on. But I’m clocked over the head with the handle of the gun.

I see spots.

Hear Tenner laugh.

I fight to stay conscious, crawling across the floor toward the door, digging my fingernails into the carpet. But I start to slip away from reality. The last thing I see is the door swing open and a pair of boots appear followed by the sound of a voice I swear I’ve heard before.

Then I black out.

Chapter 5

Lola

When I come back to consciousness, I’m still in the hotel room only I’m on the bed, lying on my side, a wet washcloth on my forehead. I slowly sit up, the room spinning, my head throbbing, feeling like I’m about to vomit. There’s a lamp on but other than that the room seems untouched. I even seem untouched, fully dressed, the gun tucked back in its spot beneath my boot, and I’m not aching anywhere between my legs. The only thing that lets me know I didn’t dream the attack is the bump on my head with a bit of blood caked in my hair, the red marks on my wrists where he gripped me roughly, and the pain erupting through my body.

Where’s Tenner? There’s not a signal sign that he was here, which makes me wonder if he ran or if boots did this to him. I don’t waste time thinking about it though, since the last thing I want to do is be here in case he comes back from wherever the hell he went. I get up and hurry out of the room, taking the stairway out to avoid running into people, trying to put together what happened. Someone came into the room, but who? Who the hell could possibly know what was going on? Were they there to save me? Be part of the situation? I doubt it.

It’s a cold night, the night sky clear enough that I can see the starts shining bright. As I make my way across the parking lot toward the corner where I can hopefully find a taxi, I wrap my arms around myself, trying to get myself to stop shivering. But as I move my arm around, I notice there’s something written on the palm of my hand in what looks like my red lipstick

“Don’t trust anyone.” I look around the area and over my shoulder, with the strangest feeling that I’m being watched. I’d seen boots before I passed out. Who did they belong too? And did they write this on my hand—did they write me the notes too?

Confused beyond imaginable, I find a cab and then dial Nyjah’s private number once I’m in the backseat and the driver is heading toward my apartment.

He answers after three rings. “Hey, I was just thinking about you. Look, I know things got a little intense this afternoon and I just wanted to say I’m sorry and that hopefully you’ll forgive me.”

“Am I also supposed to forgive you for sending me on a date with a sick pervert who likes to rape women.” I don’t mean to sound so bitter, but what if Nyjah knew what Reagan was doing.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He sounds shocked and kind offended. “What happened? And where are you?”

“In the back of a cab.” I slump back in the seat, glancing up at the cab driver who seems to be engulfed in driving. “Tell me you didn’t know about it. Tell me you had no idea your father set this all up.”

“Didn’t know what exactly? Lola, I’m going to need more to go on here.”

“That guy you sent me with. Tenner. He tried to rape me tonight and ended up knocking me unconscious.” I bite down on my tongue as emotions start to erupt through me. I won’t go there. Won’t feel the fear. “Said Reagan had something do to with it—that he told him it was okay. He even paid extra for it.”

He lets out a sequences of curses than I hear what sounds like glass shattering. “God dammit, I’m going to kill him for doing this.”

“You can’t kill your father,” I say dryly, pressing my hand to my hand as it starts to pound. “It’d be unethical.”

“Yeah well he’d deserve it.”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t deserve the pain and guilt that came after.”

There’s a pause and I swear I just gave him a time machine that lets him see straight into my past. “Okay, so I won’t kill him,” he says. “But I can beat the shit out of him to the point that he’d be close dead.” Silences stretches between us and I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to instigate violence—I’ve had enough of that in my life.

Finally, he releases a stressed breath. “Are you headed home now?”

I glance out the window at the street sign. “Yeah, I’m only a few blocks away.”

“I can come over if you want,” he says. “And check on you. I need to see if you’re okay.”

I shake my head. “No, don’t do that. I’m fine. Just please find out if Reagan plans on sending me creepers like this every night. I might have to find a new job.”

“I’ve been telling you that since the day you walked into the Inn just over a month ago,” he tells me. “You shouldn’t be working at a place like this. It’s not in you.”

It was in my mother. “How come you don’t say that to all the women who work there?” I ask. “You encourage most of them to keep going.”

“Because they’re different from you.”

“How so?”

“They’re just… just… Look, I’ll talk to Reagan and see what’s going on, but like I’ve been saying, you might want to consider taking that secretary job. It’s so much safer for you, Lola. More than you even realize.”

There’s an underlying meaning to his tone and I wonder just what he knows about his father and his business. “I’m fine. Just let me know what you find out.”

A few minutes later I get out of the taxi and go into my apartment, double-checking that all the doors are locked—a habit I picked up when I was younger. Then I immediately undressed and take a shower, scrubbing my skin until it’s raw, until I no longer feel the day on me anymore. I put a robe on, then open my closet, move a few boxes, and put the gun away in a trunk that holds my other weapons—a smaller gun, a few knives, and a tranquilizer if needed. I’m always prepared for when the Dellefontes catch up with me, in case I have to fight for my life. But after tonight, I’m wondering if I’ll be able to do it. I froze up again. God, I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to me if boots hadn’t shown up.

After my weapons are put away, I go over to the bed and take out the letter, hoping it’ll distract me for a little while from this shitty day. I’ve probably read the thing a thousand times since I found it over two years ago. It was dated six years before that, the night before she died, addressed to an Everson Milantes.

Dear Everson,

I know it’s been over a decade and a half since we spoke to each other again and I know you said not to contact you, all things considering, but I really need to talk to you.

I’m not even sure how to start. However I put this it may break hearts and ruin lives, but it could also free lives, like my daughter’s. Or should I say our daughter’s. There. I wrote it. It’s out. And let me tell you, she’s beautiful, feisty, strong—way stronger than anyone I’ve ever met… the things she’s been through… I can’t even imagine.

God, I know you’re probably reading this and thinking how? How could I not tell you until now when she’s all grown up? How could I keep this not only from you, but from her? Well, at first it was because I wasn’t sure if she was yours. There was a time when you both sort of crossed over, which I’m so sorry for. But if I’m being honest with myself a lot of it had to do with that I was afraid. Afraid of living a life where I had to struggle for money. Afraid of her living one as well. Afraid of what Larenze would do. I thought I could protect her and myself keep everything a secret, but I was wrong. And I’m really starting to get worried that the wrong people will find out. You know as well as I do what the consequences for this will be for the both of us. Please, please tell me you’ll help her. You were such a kind man. Please tell me I didn’t break that with what I did to you by choosing Larenze.

I really need your help Everson. There’s so much more to it, more than I can put into words. Larenze has his secrets as well and I’ve been looking into them. What I’m finding out makes me even more afraid. Not just for myself, but our daughter. I don’t want her following in those footsteps anymore, but I fear it’s too late—that she can’t go back from where she’s headed. So please, help.

Yours,

Lalana Anders Anelli

The letter never made it to Everson, because my mother died the next day, another reason why I found her death such a mystery. Yes, it could be coincidental, but at the same time, what if the wrong person found out that I might not be an Anelli? Like my father? I’d love to be one of those people who couldn’t believe her father was capable of such a thing, but I’m not. I’ve heard of some of the things my father’s capable of. God-awful things that make even me afraid of him sometimes and apparently it did for my mother as well. She clearly didn’t want me following in his footsteps, but already thought I was, which hurts. Back when she wrote it, I didn’t think I was that bad of a person. Now of course it’s different, but she couldn’t possibly have known that, could she? Did she really think that poorly of me? She clearly thought that poorly of my father and I have to wonder, with as afraid as she sounded, could he have had something to do with her death?

My thoughts slowly drift to what the guy on the corner told me earlier. About the woman hanging around The Dusky Inn who looked a lot like me. The last time I saw my mother was when she was in her coffin. Dead. She was dead. I saw her die. But what if she’s not?

After analyzing my mother’s death and letter for way too long, I put it away, get up, and wander over to the window, staring out at the night. I live in an apartment complex in a quiet neighborhood that normally makes me feel safe. But tonight it feels different. Every shadow, every noise, every movement makes me jump. I’m not sure if it’s the random letters or if Tenner’s attack has gotten to me more than I’m allowing myself to feel. But it is a safe place. A small town in the middle of nowhere. The perfect set up. But if the did find out where I was living, I wouldn’t be too hard to track down.

What if they’re out there watching me?

Who are they?

As I’m staring out the window, I notice a car parked on the curb just across the street. It’s black with tinted windows, nearly blending into the night, yet to me it stands out like sore thumb. All the mafia men that I grew up around have that type of car to keep a low profile. Could this be it? Could this be who’s been sending me notes? I need to find out where the plates are from. Hurrying over to my closet, I slip on a jacket and a pair of boots, then grab one of my smaller handguns so I won’t scare the shit out of my neighbors if I do cross paths with one of them. I go out the back door so if there is someone in the car, they won’t see me coming. I rush down the steps, keeping my back to the wall, my eyes focused on the field just out back. It’s flat and bare enough that I can see there’s nothing out there. Coast clear there, so I round the corner of the apartment and lower my gun to my side and cautiously cross the parking lot, staying in the shadows of the carports and cars as long as possible. I backtrack a little ways, the walk upward, so I approach the rear of the car. When I get close enough, I see that the plates aren’t from Massachusetts, but from here with a bright neon green sticker that says “Back off my Rear.” The sticker stands out on the nice car like a sore thumb and seems oddly out of place.

It doesn’t look like there’s anyone inside so I move around and peer in the window. It’s clean and empty except for a few papers in the middle console and a bag on the passenger seat. I glance around from left to right, making sure that no one is around, then I open the door and search around. The receipts aren’t cause for suspicion, gas, food, the norm. I move onto the bag, which is strangely empty, but again nothing to raise a red flag. I open the glove box and find the rental car papers and nothing else. I don’t relax yet though, not until I check the trunk. The trunk is where all the bad stuff is kept. So I pop it open, climb out of the car, and round the back. There’s nothing there but a tire iron and jack and a pair of black stilettos—again odd, but nothing to be alarmed about.

Shaking my head at myself, I close the trunk and turn to go back inside, but stop dead in my tracks as I’m about to cross the street. For a flicker of a second, I swear I see someone in the shadows of the parking lot watching me. Tall, with a hoodie pulled over their head, smoking a cigarette and wearing boots. Could it be boots? The boots who saved me?

But when I blink, they’re gone. It happens so fast that it has to be my imagination. Or the bump on my head. Dammit, I need to find out who wrote the note before I go crazy. Or end up dead.

Chapter 6

Lola

I don’t plan on going to work the next day, not after what happened with Tenner. I’m not planning on quitting or anything simply because I need the cash. Although, I’ll admit, I’m more shaken up than I’d like to be and I spend most of the morning trying to bury everything down where it belongs.

But then I get a call from Reagan telling me I can either come in or not get the couple of grand owed to me for the prior two weeks work. He doesn’t give me time to argue, simply tells me this and hangs up on me. So I get my ass down to the Inn.

I think about going to Nyjah first, but decide to face this head on. My problem. No one else needs to get involved.

Reagan has this office upstairs that has rows of windows, but he’s chosen to board them up so that not a single drop of sunlight can sneak in. It’s always dark and musty in there and smells a little moldy. There’s this antique armoire in the corner that’s always locked with a chain and padlock. On the far back corner is a desk that’s always clutter in garbage and papers and when I walk in Reagan is sitting there reading a paper over. He has shoulder length hair, is always wearing a worn t-shirt, and is smoking a cigarette. He doesn’t look like Nyjah except for the eyes, only Reagan’s have more wrinkles around it and a harder, more unwelcoming.

“I’m here,” I announce as I enter the office.

I notice real quickly that he has a gun on the desk and am glad I brought mine. He glances up from a paper he was reading, eyes lazily drifting over me and making me feel naked, even though I’m wearing cutoffs and a ratty t-shirt. I’ve never liked Reagan, something about him rubbing me the wrong way every time I’m around him, but now it’s even worse, my spidey senses going crazy. “And so you are.” He motions for me to come in. “Have a seat, Lola.”

“No thanks,” I decline with a shake of my head, my eyes drifting to his gun. “I think I’m good right here.”

He glances down at the gun then back up at me. “I always carry this on me—you know that.”

“Yeah, but after what happened last night with Tenner, I don’t trust you anymore.” I lean against the doorframe and fold my arms. “Well, I shouldn’t say anymore since I’ve never trusted you to begin with.”

“Watch it, Lola,” he warns, tossing the pen he’s holding onto the desk and then leans back in his seat. “After last night, you’re already walking on thin ice.”

“You should have never told that creep I’d do what he wanted to do,” I say in a clipped tone. “You had no right.”

He shrugs, overlapping his hands on his stomach. “I thought you were a tough girl—you always came across as one.” Another shrug and it takes a hell of a lot of energy not to march across the room and punch him in the face. “Guess I was wrong.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Well, whatever it is, you now owe me a thousand bucks.” His nonchalant attitude is pissing me off.

“No I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.” He sits up in his chair. “For losing me money last night and a potential new client.”

I take a cautious step into the room. “Tenner called you last night and told you what happened I’m guess?” I pause, not wanting to ask, but I need to know what happened after I blacked out. “Did he say anything else?”

“Not really. Only that my business was a joke and that he was never going to use or recommend The Dusky Inn services to anyone.” His brows knit the slightest bit. “Honestly he seemed kind of nervous, which makes me wonder what exactly happened between you two.” He waits for me to explain but I keep quiet. As much as I don’t want to answer any of Reagan’s questions at the moment, I couldn’t even if I wanted to since I have no idea what happened.

“Fine, don’t tell me anything,” Reagan says in a low voice that carries a warning. “But here’s what you’re going to do to make it up to me.”

“I don’t owe you anything,” I tell him. “So don’t pretend I do. That guy—Tenner—tried to beat the shit out of me and whatever happened was self-defense. What I did to him was fair.”

“Nothing is fair in this world.” He leans forward in his chair and reaches for a paper on his desk. “Now sit down.”

“I already told you, I’m standing.” I take a step back toward the doorway. “And you know what, I think I’ll leave now. I’m done talking about this.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Lola Anders,” he calls out as I’m turning to exit the room.

I freeze mid-turn, my jaw dropping to my knees. “That’s not my name.” My voice is barely a whisper.

“Isn’t it?” Amusement laces his voice. Clearly he’s enjoying this.

I ball my hands into fist and stab my fingernails into my palms, attempting to shove down the anxiety claw it’s way through my body. “No…. and you know that.”

“I know a lot of things about you Lola Anders.” He pauses. “Or is it Lola Anelli. I’m not sure what you used to prefer to go by.”

Suddenly it’s starting to makes sense—the notes. I whirl around, glaring at him. “It was you, wasn’t it? You were the one doing it.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” he says coolly, but I detect a hint of puzzlement. “I’ve done a lot of things, Lola, so you’ll have to be more specific.”

My fingers hover near the gun strapped to my leg and hidden underneath my shorts. “You sent me the notes.”

“What notes?” he asks and I can’t tell whether he’s telling the truth or not. He seems lost, but I don’t know Reagan enough to know whether he’s a good liar or not. I’m guessing with the kind of business he’s running, he has to be.

“The one’s I’ve…” I trail off at his bafflement. “How did you find out about me?” I take a step or two closer to the desk, noting that his hand is inching toward his gun.

He shrugs. “I’ve actually known for a little while. Lola Anders, daughter of Larenze Anelli, one of the most powerful drug lord’s on the east coast.”

“But that’s the east coast,” I say, gripping the hem of my shorts, debating whether or not to take out my weapon or not. “And you have to be part of the drug world to know a lot about it, so tell me, how did you find out?” I dare another step closer to the desk. “Who told you?”

He picks up his gun and pulls the magazine out. “What kind of business do you think we’re running here?”

I hesitate. “A sex business.”

He chuckles under his breath as he puts the magazine back in. “That is one of many. It’s good to do multiple things you know. Makes the really bad stuff easier to hide.”

“So you’re saying you deal drugs.”

“Dealer is an understatement.” He sets the gun down and rises up from his chair. “I’m a lot more powerful than that.”

“In Glensdale, I highly doubt that,” I say condescendingly. “And besides, I search your last name and nothing came up.”

“Let me guess, you searched Nyjah’s last name which isn’t the same as mine.” He lets out a low laugh at the sight of my shocked expression, not with humor though. “Try searching Scadaelany.” He says it as if I’ll recognize it, but I don’t.

“Not ringing a bell,” I say, knowing it’s going to get under his skin. Men like him—men like my father—thrive on power and status.

His eyes narrow on me. “Just as much of a snob as your father.”

Suddenly the terrible situation because even worse because not only does he know my family but he knows my father. “You know my father?”

“Every drug and drug dealer in the country knows your father.” He stands with the gun in his hand and winds around the desk until he’s standing in front of me. He gets too close but I refuse to cower back and show weakness. “And everyone hates him as much as I do.” He raises the gun and traces the end up and down my cheek.

I finch, but still don’t move back, refusing to break eye contact. “What are you going to do to me?”

He lowers the gun to his side. “It’s not what I’m going to do to you, but what you’re going to do for me. Otherwise, I’m going to call up that lovely Dellefontes family who put that hit out on you and collect the reward being offered for that pretty little head of yours.”

I lift my hand to slap him, but he catches it in his fingers and squeezes tightly. “I’d watch it if I were you.” His fingertips press roughly against my hammering pulse. “You wouldn’t want to get on my bad side.”

God, if I could, I’d drop kick him straight between the legs, but he’s right. Right now, he has a lot of power over me—whether I live or die. And I know what I have to do even if I don’t want to.

“Fine, what do you want?” I ask through gritted teeth.

When he grins at me, I know that whatever he’s about to say is going to be bad.

Very, very, bad.

Chapter 7

Lola

I suck at escorting tonight. If it wasn’t for Reagan threaten me, I would have never gone out so quickly after the whole Tenner thing. But he threatens me to do that, with drugs, with a lot of things that I can’t even begin to think about yet. The guy practically owns me at the moment and I hate it. And if I don’t find a way out of it, incidents with Tenner are going to happen more and more.

I need to find a way to run.

Different scenarios play through my mind I sit at the dinner table, pretending that I’m interested in the client sitting across from me. But my dazzlingly charm is missing the mark badly and my whit is absent completely. Thankfully the guy eating dinner with me seems clueless about escorting services and probably thinks this is normally how escorts act.

“So what do we do next?” he asks, picking at the salad with his fork. His name is Elington, well at least that’s the name he gave when he called in.

I shrug, taking a bite of my chicken even though I’m not hungry. My eyes locked on him, my shoulders at just the right angle that he can see down the top of my dress—it’s the best move I can come up with right now. Make him seem like I’m paying attention to him, when I barely hear half the words he said. “What ever you want sweetie.” I always like to give the clients nicknames, one that fits their character. I could tell right away that Elington was the nervous and quiet kind, which led me to the term sweetie. Nice and simple, hoping that it will make the night nice and simple. But he does seem like the kind of guy who isn’t used to hanging out with half-dressed women who can bring a guy to an orgasm in thirty seconds so I have a feeling it’s going to take a lot of energy on my part to make this a great night, energy I don’t have.

“Well, what do you usually do... when… I mean after…” He scratches the back of his of his neck tensely while he glances around the restaurant for way longer than necessary. Finally, his gaze lands back on me and I can see his pulse throbbing in his neck, so damn nervous and strangely so am I. After all that’s happened, after the notes, Tenner, the person in boots, the woman who supposed looked like me, and now Reagan finding out who I am, I feel like a bundle of restlessness that doesn’t want to sit still.

“I mean, after the date part?” Elington says, letting out a anxious breath as he sets his fork on the plate. “What happens after we’re done eating?”

I give him the best seductive smile I can muster, but don’t turn on my sex appeal as hot as I usually do. “Like I said, we can do whatever you want. This is your night, sweetie.” I relax back in my chair, twirling a strand of my hair around my finger, my gaze still fastened on him. “But most of the time, this is when we’d go back to the room.”

He gulps nervously. “Okay, we can do that.” Then he turns in his chair and flags down the waiter for the check, still seeming tense, which makes me wonder if he’ll end up backing out in the end. It happens more than you’d think, especially with married men. I don’t think he’s married, though. He doesn’t have a ring on and no tan line from wearing one. He doesn’t give off the vibe either. He just seems experienced. Young and inexperienced, but then again so did Tenner and I turned out to be way wrong about him.

I’m guessing Elington’s a year or two younger than me, around twenty-one, barely legal to drink. Short brown hair, eyes that match, a lean body, he’s not that bad to look at. But looks aren’t what’s most important. I have a harder time with the quiet ones, but maybe that’s because I’ve always been more at ease with cocky guys, guys that can handle a girl taking charge, perhaps meet her in the middle, be on the same level.

Guys like Layton Everett.

God, what I’d give for him to be here. He was always so good at helping me out of my mess. He would know exactly what to do.

But he’s not because he’s dead because of you.

I shake my head. Don’t think about him Lola. You’re already stressed enough.

After Elington pays the bill, we head to the hotel that’s a few miles down the road from the restaurant, in the more sketchy area of town, the same one I went to last night. It’s the usual place the escorts at The Dusky Inn go, since most of the people hanging in that area are doing illegal things and therefore barely pay attention to anyone else’s shit. Nyjah has connections with one of the hotel owners, so he gets rooms or free without question and even has keys on hand. And they’re not the card keys. I’m talking old school metal keys.

I’m usually numb as hell whenever I enter the lobby, but tonight I’m wired, my emotions buzzing inside me, my stomach burning with lingering memories of last night. My head still hurts from last night and my wrist is a little bruised from where Tenner gripped me.

I don’t want to be here.

“Do you have the key Nyjah gave you?” I ask Elington as we get out of the cab and stand in front of the entrance doors. There’s a guy smoking a cigarette with the hoodie pulled over his head, leaning against the wall, watching us intently, probably because he knows what I am. Other than that there’s no one else around, but that’s normal for this place.

Elington nods as he pays the cab driver, then shuts the door. He takes a deep inhale as he studies the dimly lit, dingy, outdated hotel that rises up to the night sky. “Yeah… lets get this over with.”

Okay, that’s a new one. It’s like he doesn’t’ want to be here, which considering he paid a ton for this date, makes no sense. I want to ask him what’s up, but I also don’t want to give Reagan anymore of a reason to go to the Dellefontes so I keep my lips sealed as we head to the front door. I’m very aware that the guy following me tracks me with his eyes. I try to see what he looks like beneath the shadows of his hoodie, but he’s fairly far away and there’s not enough light and all I can make out is he has eyes, a mouth, and lips.

When Elington opens the door for me, I tear my attention on him and focus on my job. Taking the lead, I cross the lobby and get onto the elevator. Elington fidgets the entire way in the elevator, his head tipped down, his shoulders slouched, as if he’s about to fold over and pass out.

Yeah, I’m definitely betting this one’s a backer outer. Or it’s something else… I eye him over, trying to read him. “You okay there?”

He nods way too swiftly. “Yeah. Sure.”

I don’t believe him for one second and after last night, ever part of me screams to pull out my gun. I keep an eye on him my hand near my side. He only lifts his head when the elevator beeps and the doors open. “After you,” he says motioning for me to get out first.

I force a smile, then step out, noticing that he has a tin trail of sweat on his forehead. Something’s not right.

Reagan told me I had to come tonight for the simple reason that I was going to keep doing my job or else he’d give out my location. I was also going to take on more clients and start helping with deals by using my charming looks and personality to dazzle his clients. The problem with this is that if any of his clients no who I am then I’m screwed. But now I’m wondering if this is a setup. Maybe Elington is helping set me up for Reagan.

Elington lets me take the lead as I walk down the slender hallway, lined with shut doors. It’s silent, which is typical for this hotel, but I find myself desperate to hear a noise. I casually let my fingers graze my thigh, the reminder usually bringing me comfort but not tonight.

“Which room number are we in?” I glance over my shoulder as Elington who’s wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand.

“Um…” He looks around at the numbered doors, seeming more nervous than when we had dinner. Then lifts his hand and points at the to the last door on the left. “It’s right there. That’s the one I think.”

I give my best smile then step back so he can unlock the door, my hand still at my side, near the gun. He steps forward, reaching into his pocket, then curses under his breath and moves back.

“Sorry, I… a… forgot the key,” he says tensely. “I’ll be right back.”

“But you said you already had it,” I call out, but he’s already rushing back down the hallway toward the elevators.

I have no idea where he’s going. If he doesn’t have the key than he has to get one from Nyjah and I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand around here and wait for whatever comes next. I start to chase after him, but pause at the sound of a loud bang from inside one of the nearby rooms. My guard instantly goes up. Something’s about to happen. Something bad. I can feel it.

With my hand cupping my thigh, I cautiously move down the hallway with my eyes glued to every door as I pass by them. Even if there is someone in one of the rooms, they can clearly see me through the peephole and I’ll be oblivious. This is the worse kind of scenario for an ambush on my part. I think about how I got kidnapped two years ago and how I was thrown into a car. I wonder if they’ll give me the benefit of that this time of if they’ll just kill me. I won’t have Layton here to protect me this time either.

Layton. God, I miss him.

By the time I reach the end of the hall, nearing the elevators, I haven’t seen or heard anything at all and my fingers start to ease up from my thigh. But them lights flip off and I’m suffocated by darkness. “Shit,” I curse, tensing up again. Seconds later the backup lights flip on, but they give little light, much dimmer and fluorescent then the normal ones. As I squint to see my surroundings, I withdraw my gun, but keep it at my side. I wonder if I’ll be able to do it this time when it all comes down to it—take another life. I did it once, but only after I froze up. Then last night with Tenner proved that I don’t have the instincts to automatically protect myself.

I quickly sidestep down the hall, turning from side to side, scanning the doors, very aware that no one has exited any of the rooms. Someone should have by now, to see what’s going on. And the longer it stays silent the more I think this is a trap.

I need to get out of here.

I pick up my pace, running past the elevators and toward the bright green exit sign above the door that leads to the stairway. When I make it to there, I take off in a mad sprint down the stairs, speeding up when I hear a door open and shut from someone in the stairway. I wonder if they’re below me or above me. Up or down. Which way should I go?

Then I hear loud footsteps from above and I take off downward, my heart racing frantically, like it’s finally remembering how to beat after I tried to shut it down for so many years.

“Lola wait,” someone calls out and I move faster, my feet hammering down the stairs. Just a few more flights and then I can run out the door and get into a cab. Go home, get my stuff, and run until they catch me. Deep down, I know I won’t make it far, not when I’ve already been found. But it doesn’t matter. I won’t go down without a fight.

“Lola, for the love of God, please slow down.” A hand touches my shoulder and I spin around, raising the gun and pointing it at the person behind me.

Elington immediately raises his hands, his eyes widening as he stammers, “I-I’m s-sorry…. I just… It’s that… why do you have a gun?”

I assess him over with suspicion, not trusting him one little bit. “Who do you work for?” I move toward him, forcing him to back up against the wall. “Did Reagan put you up to this? Is he setting me up? What’s your real name?”

“E-Elington.” He’s nervous enough that I can tell he’s probably never had a gun held to him or else he’s a damn good actor.

“How did you know I was on the stairway?” I ask, reducing the space between us as I inch closer to instill more fear and hopefully break him down if he’s hiding something.

“I… I was heading down to…” His eyes keep flicking to my gun and fill more and more with fear. “I was just… I can’t… I was heading down… t-the s-stairs and saw you and…” He breathes heavily, gasping for air. “I just wanted to see what it was life.” The words rush out of him as he leans back against the wall, trying to get as far away from me as he can.

I lower my gun to my side. The guy can barely talk when his life is threatened and it makes him even less suspicious. “You just wanted to see what what was like?”

“Sex… I just wanted to see what it was like but I didn’t think…” He sucks in a deep breath, his gaze dropping to my weapon. “I just want to go home,” he pleads. “Can I go now?”

“I need to see your wallet first,” I tell him and then don’t even bother waiting for him, stuffing my hand down his pockets until I find his wallet.

His eyes are practically bulging out of his head. “I-I don’t have that much money on me,” he stammers. “And I’m not rich.”

“I don’t want you’re money.” With my freehand, I open up the wallet and read his driver’s license. “Elington Burliford, 45455 Peach Tree Rd.” I look up at him. “How long have you lived at Peach Tree?”

“Um… I-I…” He sucks in a breath, trying to pull himself together. “About two years.”

“You go to college?”

“Y-yes.”

“And why can’t you get laid?” I ask, digging through his wallet. He barely has anything—a few credit cars, a gift card, a condom, and thirty-five bucks. “Go to a party or something. It’s easier than hiring an escort.”

“I’ve tried,” he says. “N-no one will even talked to me, let alone have sex with me.”

I look him over more closely; decent clothes, normal appearance, nothing weird or anything, but then again, the guys I’m running from know how to blend in when they need to. “Are you always this nervous around women?” I wonder. “Or is it just me?”

He swiftly nods. “I have a s-social anxiety disorder.”

Okay, now I just feel bad. And I’m pretty sure he’s telling the truth, which means I’m screwed. I’ve messed up big time and Reagan is going to be so pissed. He’ll use this against me—tell me he’s turning me in. If I were my father, I’d tie Elington up and threaten him until he gave in and swore he’d never tell. If he did, I’d track him down and kill him. It’s what the Anelli’s are known for. But I’m technically not an Anelli. I’m an Ander, my mother’s maiden name, another reason this Everson guy could quite possibly be my real father.

I give him back his wallet. “Alright, Elington. Today is your lucky day.”

“Okay… why’s that?” he asks, putting his wallet back into his pocket, his fingers trembling.

“Because the next time you go up to a woman, to talk or whatever, you can think of this moment and the concept of being nervous will seem silly,” I tell him. “Trust me, after today, everything’s going to seem easier than the time you tried to hire an escort.”

He doesn’t appear as if he’s buying it, but nods anyway. “Can I go now please?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” I move aside and motion for him to get a move on.

He takes off running so quickly that he trips down a few steps. But it doesn’t slow him down. He gets right back up and sprints up the stairs until he’s burst out the bottom door and into the outside.

I put my gun away and take my time going down the stairway, wondering where to go from here. Back home? To the Dusky Inn to talk to Reagan, see how much trouble I’m in if Elington reports me. Maybe I could talk to Nyjah, see if he knows about all this and if maybe he could help me.

“I should have been more careful,” I mutter to myself as I push the door open. The lights flip back on as I’m stepping out into the alleyway and light up the pavement in front of me. I let the door slam shut behind me and wrap my arms around myself as the cold air nips at my skin. It’s late, after midnight, the moon bright, stars shining against the dusky sky, so quiet, so peaceful. I wish things could just stay this way, right here, right now. That I didn’t have to move forward and deal with the things I’m facing. I should have been more careful, come up with a better alias, made Layton’s sacrifice more worth it.

With the limited numbness inside me, I almost start to cry thinking about him. I haven’t cried in a very long time and the sensation feels strange and kind of alarming.

But I manage to suck back the tears and head to the right toward the street, but stop dead in my tracks at the sight of what’s at to left my left at the end of the alley. Parked near the trashcans and hidden in the shadows is an oversized SUV with tinted windows.

“It could be just a normal SUV,” I whisper to myself as I move quickly for the street. “I’m just being paranoid.” I start to jog. “Just being paranoid…” I take off running. “Just being—” The headlights flip on and beam brightly against my back. I don’t give myself time to hesitate, running as if my life depends on it. Tires screech against the pavement behind me as the car drives forward.

I reach for my gun as I near the street, but right as I’m about to leave the alley, another vehicle pulls up and blocks my exit. It’s not an SUV, but a plain black car with no tinting, just like the one I saw in front of my house the other night. Light trails into the windows from the lampposts lining the street and nearby buildings and I can tell there’s only one person inside the car, but their face is just a shadow beneath the hoodie pulled over the head.

Is that the guy from out front?

They start to lean over for the passenger side door, which is closest to me and that’s when I notice the gun in their hand. I step back from the door, hurry to the side, then jump onto the hood of the car and barreling across it and hop into the street. Then I take off toward the corner, telling myself to look forward—don’t look back. But when I hear a loud crash and the sound of voices from close behind me, I can help but glance over my shoulder. The SUV has side swiped the car and dented in the door. I don’t stop. Only speed up more, especially when a group of large men hop out of the SUV, all dressed in dark clothes and packing. When I make out a few of their faces though, my heart does slam into my chest.

Frankie Catherlson’s men. What the hell? Why are they here? I don’t get it… don’t understand. I’m not stupid enough to turn around and ask them, though. Whatever the reason they’re here, can’t be good. So I run like I’ve never run before until I’m several blocks away from the hotel. Then I flag down the first cab I see and only breath freely when I’m in it and the door is shut.

“Where to?” The cab driver asks, looking over his shoulder at me with a smile on his face. But his grin immediately drops when he catches sight of my face. “Miss, are you okay?”

“Yeah… I’m fine,” I tell him breathlessly, wiping the sweat from my face. “Just take me to 49005 West Gray Street,” I sputter out my apartment address, but then wonder if I should go somewhere else. But I need to go back and at least get my money and a couple of other important items, like my identification before I try to take off. God, but how far am I going to make it now that they’re here?

With no other choice, I let the cab driver forward toward my apartment, letting myself look through the back window only when I know I’m going to be able to get away. But what I see makes me wish I never looked in the first place. Because standing in the shadows, at a distance, watching Frankie’s men chase after me, is someone I never thought I’d see again. At first I think he’s a ghost because that’s the only way I can be seeing him. I figment of my imagination. My ex-best friend. The man who saved me. The man who for the last eighteen months I thought was dead.

Layton Everett.

Chapter 8

Lola

Layton Everett. Layton. Layton. Layton.

“He’s supposed to be dead… I don’t understand it?” I whisper to myself as I pace the floor of my living room. It’s dark inside because I know better than to turn the lights on. I’ve changed into a hoodie, jeans, and boots and my hair is pulled into a ponytail. My bags are packed and waiting by the front door, my money and ID’s in them. I should leave right now. Walk away. But I can’t stop thinking about Layton. He’s here and alive. I know for a fact I saw him. I’m desperate to find out, desperate to see him again, desperate to understand why in the hell my Aunt Glady told me he died eighteen months ago. Desperate. Desperate. Desperate. And that desperation is keeping me in the living room instead of moving me toward the closet cab. I know if I stay here long enough, Frankie’s men will find me. And then what? I’m not sure why they’re here but it can’t be for any good reasons.

With my gun in my hand, I peer out the blinds, looking down from my second story window for any signs of mafia men lurking out there. But there’s nothing but cars in the parking lot and darkness—not a single person in sight.

“Fuck. Shit. Fuck.” I need to see Layton again or at least understand, otherwise it’s going to haunt me. So I do something I thought I’d never do. I dial my Aunt Glady’s number, hoping she can enlighten me, but her line has been disconnected. “Dammit!” I kick the wall then huff out a few frustrated breaths. I wait about ten minutes longer in the silence of my home, them give up and force myself to leave. Staying here means getting caught. And getting caught means God knows what. I can try to get a hold of Glady when I get somewhere safe… see what’s going on.

Even though it kills me, I pick up my bags and sling them over my shoulder, then depart through the kitchen and toward the back door that’s, taking measured steps. As I’m reaching for the doorknob, I hear voices from the other side. Son of a bitch. I back away from the door, the gun out in front of me, my other hand clutching onto the handles of the bags. They start banging on the door, like they’re going to break the damn thing down. I whirl around to run, not even sure where I’m running too, but slam into someone with a rock solid chest—the guy with the hoodie. It’s dark, so I can’t see their face, but I can tell from the height and build that it has to be a guy. Instinctively my knee shoots up and collides straight in between his legs, crushing his man jewels.

The guy hunches over, grunting in pain. “God dammit, Lolita!”

I almost drop my gun. Fall to the ground. Stop breathing. I do end up losing hold of my bags and they fall heavily to the floor. The men are still slamming against the back door of my house, making a shitload of noise, but it seems quiet through it, my body hitting some kind of eerie calm.

“You’re alive.” My voice is a whisper, stunned into a state of shock by the sight of the guy I thought I’d lost forever.

The moonlight hits Layton’s face, his strong features, his silvery eyes looking black, but I can picture the real color, have it memorized inside my head. “Of course I am. You didn’t think I’d let the Dellefontes get me that easy, did you?” He winces as he stand up, his hand on his injured man parts.

“But Glady said… she said…” I shake my head, wanting to scream. “You were dead. Eighteen months ago she said my father told her you—”

Someone slams against the door so forcefully it rattles the entire house and I jump forward straight into Layton, more skittish than normal, but I think it’s from the shock.

“It’s okay.” He steadies me with his hands. “We’re going to get you out of here, Lolita.” He calls me by my real name, which used to bother the shit out of me, but right now I could care less.

Something snaps inside me, breaks, like a rubber band, the only thing that was holding me together. “Why are you here?” My voice is off pitch as I nod my head in the direction behind me. “And them too. What the hell does Frankie want with me… I always though it would be the Dellefontes.”

Layton glances over my shoulder at the door then looks me directly in the eyes. It feels like my head is swimming… I can’t even think straight… he’s alive.

“We need to get you out of here.” His hands slide down my arms and he grips a wrist in each of his hands, caressing the skin like he used to do all the time. Just like when we were growing up, I feel safe even with all the danger around me. So safe. So at home.

So alive.

Then it hits me like a ton of bricks slamming into my stomach and knocking the wind out of me. I thought he was dead all this time and I was hurting more than I wanted to admit. But it was all for nothing. All that pain… for nothing?

“Wait a minute.” I attempt to slip my hand out of his, because I need answers, like the reason that he’s here and breathing, but he only grips tighter and forces me to follow him into my room, scooping up my bag in the process. “You need to tell me what’s going on.” I struggle to get free but Layton is way stronger than I am. “Layton, I thought you were dead... none of this makes sense.”

He gives me a sympathetic look, his silvery eyes mixed with anguish. “I know. And it’s been killing me for the last eighteen months… I swear it has…. But it needed to be done.” His eyes plead for me to understand, but how can I when I have no clue what’s going on.

We stare at each other silently as I try to read him, but it’s too dark to see what’s really going inside those eyes, what lies behind all the sadness. I used to be able to read him better, but I can tell he’s purposefully shutting me out.

There’s a cool breeze blowing in from the broken window on the wall near my bed. “Did you break in here?” I stare down at the glass on the floor, trying to collect myself.

The corners of his lips quirk and for a second his old playful attitude slips through, despite it being an inappropriate time. “How do you think I got in? Walked through the walls?” Then without warning, he gets behind me and shoves me forward.

I stumble and land on the bed, but scurry to my feet and whirl to face him. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but you better start—”

A crash from inside the house makes both our eyes widen and my grip on my gun tighten.

“Out the fucking window, now Lolita,” he demands and then pushes me again. “I promise, when we get to someplace safe, I’ll explain everything to you.”

My back hits the wall right beside the window and I elevate my gun at him. There are so many things I want to say to him, but footsteps and voices get closer, I know I have a choice to make. Just like I did when Frankie took me to that warehouse two years ago and showed me the video of my father—let him die or kill. I chose to kill and right now I’m choosing to trust Layton enough to jump out the window.

Spinning around, I tuck my gun into the back pocket of my jeans, tug the hoodie over my head, and without any hesitation, jump out the window and into the night. It’s not a far fall, so it doesn’t hurt that much, but I do lose my balance and end up falling on my hands on knees. As I get to my feet, someone falls to the grass beside me, landing with a hard thud and a grunt. I immediately aim at them and run forward, getting my feet underneath me. Once I’m upright, I spin around and hold the 9mm steady.

“Okay, start talking,” I demand to Layton as he gets up and brushes some grass from the sleeve of his jacket, still holding my bag. I know we’re not in a safe place right now, but I still don’t trust him. When I left, Layton was working for Frankie and it was never explained why. For all I know this could be another kidnapping trap. Perhaps he could be luring me into the shadows so the rest of the men can get me. Or maybe he’s the one sent her to make the hit on me. “Oh God… are you here to get me?” I stumble back from him. “Are you the one sent to put the hit on me?”

His lips part in shock. “What… no.” His expression swarms with perplexity as he matches my steps, stealing back any distance I attempt to take. “Look, I’ll explain in the car.” He extends his hand for me but I wrench back and dodge out of his reach. “Lola, you can trust me. Deep down, you know that.”

I shake my head, looking around the empty parking lot. “You have to give me something. I haven’t seen or heard from you in nearly two years, I thought you were dead, and then suddenly you show up with them.” I swing my gun up toward the window where Tony Madman Makafee, a man who aided in my kidnapping and tranquilized me, is looking out the window at us. He raises his gun as Layton’s fingers enfold around my arm and then he takes off toward a car parked near the street, the sound of the fire chasing after us.

“Does it seriously look like I’m with them, Lolita?” he calls over his shoulder as he hunkers down behind a car, pulling me down with him.

I peer over the hood of the car where Tony who’s climbing out the window himself. He’s right. He can’t possibly be with them. “No.”

“Okay then,” he says, cupping my chin in his hand and forcing me to look at him. “Trust me then.”

Having no other choice, I do exactly what he says, hoping that I’m not making a huge mistake. That the Layton I’m with now isn’t the Layton working for Frankie, but the one I’ve known all my life.

The one that would do anything to save me.

Chapter 9

Lola

I can’t stop staring at him. He’s here and alive. He’s breathing, his solid chest rising and falling beneath his grey shirt. His eyes look full of life as he watches the street and drives toward the unknown, his grip firm on the steering wheel. He looks just like I remember, sexy as hell with his dark, messy hair; tattooed body; and long, lean arms. Although his hair is the slightest bit longer, his jaw a little scruffy, and his eyes carrying even more darkness within them. Whatever he’s been up to for the last couple of years has taken a toll on him.

“Do you still have the tongue ring?” I ask, rotating in the seat to face him, my face pressed against the cool leather, my legs pulled up to my knees.

His gaze slides toward me and the intensity burning in them makes me miss a breath. Instead of answering me, he slowly sticks out his tongue, as if teasing me. The silver stud glimmers in the moonlight and I bite down on my lip. “I’m still the same person, Lolita,” he says. “Nothing’s changed except for the fact that I don’t work for Frankie anymore—I don’t work for anyone.”

“And that I thought you were dead.” I don’t mean to sound bitter but I do. “That’s different now. You seem like a ghost me… not even real.” God, he’s actually real. Right here with me. I start to choke up over it, but shove it down, bury it, not ready to go there yet.

“Everyone thought I was dead,” he explains me in a emotionless tone, returning his attention back to the road. We’ve been driving for about an hour, in what direction I’m not sure since I’ve been too distracted to pay attention to anything but Layton. “Even my parents—still do.”

“But why? Why would you fake your own death? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“It doesn’t?” he questions and I start to think of reasons why someone would fake their own death.

“To escape. To disappear,” I say. “But why not run away.”

He’s quiet before, his breathing calculated as if he’s battling to get oxygen into his lungs. When he finally does look at me, I can tell he’s on the verge of losing it. “You remember how you were always asking me about why I started working for Frankie?” he asks me.

I nod. “Yeah, it never made sense to me, not when he was the enemy to our families, at least I always thought so.”

“You’ve always thought that?” he questions with doubt. “That the Catherlson’s and the Everett’s were enemies?”

“Yeah… well, except for the day my….” I swallow the massive lump rising in my throat as tears start to well in my eyes again. It’s been too much of an emotional day. I need to get my shit together. `“The day my mother died and you guys got into the SUV with Frankie. I was so confused… and honestly felt kind of betrayed. But ever since then it never seemed like it was a problem again, not until a few months before… before I was kidnapped and you suddenly started working for him.”

“I had to,” he tells me through clenched teeth. “I didn’t have a choice, Lola. You have to believe that.”

“If that’s true, then tell me why,” I practically beg because I need to know so I can trust him.

He shakes his head, looking as though he’s in physical pain. “It’s so much more complicated then just telling you why I did it. It has to do with so much shit that’s happened since we were fourteen.” He turns the car off the road and into a gravel parking lot, pulling off to the side of a rundown motel where we’re hidden.

I sit up in my seat. “You mean since my mother died?”

He doesn’t answer right away. He puts the car in park, then turns off the headlights “Come inside with me and I’ll try to explain it to you the best that I can. But let me just say I don’t have the answer to everything. I’m still trying to figure stuff out myself.”

“How do I know you’re not here to kill me?” I ask, eyeing the sketchy looking building. There’s not a person in sight and it’s eerily quiet. Not to mention the thick forest within waling distance, convent for hiding bodies if needed. “How do I know that I’m not going to walk into that room and be bombarded by the Dellefontes? Or maybe you’ve take me here to shoot me—make it a discrete kill.”

He gives me a tolerant look. “And why the hell would I do that?”

“To get yourself off the hook with the Dellefontes.” I shrug, pulling off my hood and tousling my fingers with my hair as I glance around the area. “Honestly, I can think of a ton of reasons. And I have to be careful… you know how these things work.”

He exchanges a look of mutual understanding, because he does get it. Cautiousness and paranoia have been breed into us since we were born, otherwise we probably wouldn’t be living in this moment. “I understand you need to be careful… it’s good that you are.” With that he moves his hand around the back of him and takes the gun tucked in the back of his pants. He gives it to me then reaches down to his boots to retrieves his other weapon—a switchblade knife.

Boots.

Wait boots?

Suddenly something dawns on me. “You were there that night, weren’t you? That night with Tenner? You came storming in and pretty much…” Saved me from getting raped.

He gives me his knife, his fingers grazing against the palm of my hand and sending a shiver down my spine, a good kind of shiver, one that gets my blood pumping in a way it hasn’t done for since I took off. “I’ve been around a lot… been watching you for the last couple of weeks.”

He saved me that night from getting raped and I have to shut my eyes for a moment just to see past the emotions stirring inside me, ones I felt when I thought he died, ones that are hard to feel because there so potent and go against everything my mother tried to instill in me. “But how did you find me? I thought I was being careful?”

“A lot of searching,” he says, stuffing his hand into his pocket and taking out his brass knuckles, giving me the last of his weapons, giving me all the power. “I would have found you sooner, but you’re a hard person to find. Which is good, Lola. You did exactly what I wanted you to. I just wish you wouldn’t have went to work for someone that knew who you were.”

“I didn’t know he’d know,” I protest. “I thought he was just… Well, a pimp pretty much.” It feels so weird talking to him about this.

And I can tell it’s bothering him too, but he’s trying not to let it show. “I know that but…” He rakes his hands through his dark hair. “If you would have stayed away from that type of business, it would have never happened.” He isn’t making eye contact with me, instead staring out the window at the forest.

“Does it bother you that I messed up?” I ask. “Or that I was working as an… an escort.”

He shuts his eyes and inhales deeply, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. “You know both of them bother me… you’ve known how I felt about you since we were eighteen.” His eyes open and I expect them to be full of emotion, but they’re empty, like mine have been for the last couple of years.

I try to find words that will make him feel better, but I can’t, so my lips stay sealed. I feel guilty, something I never thought would happen. And all the emotion I shut down while having sex with all those men is starting to chip at the surface. For a moment, I feel… well, ashamed.

Eventually Layton removes the keys out of the ignition. “If you’ll come inside with me, I’ll tell you what I know.”

I stare down at his weapons on my lap. What do I have to lose? There’s nowhere else for me to go. “There’s just one more thing I have to ask you.”

His brow crooks in surprise. “Okay.”

“That guy at the hotel… the one that… well, you know tried to… rape me… What happened to him?”

His gaze darkens and flashes with rage, not directed at me though. “Do you really want me to answer that?” He pauses as I remain motionless in the seat. “He tried to rape you, Lola.” He reaches across the car and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “And hurt you. I’m not going to apologize for what I did.”

I could ask him to tell me exactly what he did to Tenner, but honestly I’d rather not know the details. I can see it in his eyes that Tenner won’t be attacking any women anytime soon, if ever. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t even feel that bad about it.

Without saying anything else, I get out of the car with his weapons in my hands, hoping I’m not making a big mistake. Layton doesn’t say a word as he gets out of the car and walks around to the trunk. He pops it and starts digging around in it as I get out and round the back of the car, half expecting to see a dead body inside, perhaps Tenner’s. But there are just a few duffel bags. He picks up one of them up and swings it over his shoulder before moving around the side of the motel with me trailing behind. As we approach one of the room doors, he withdraws a key and unlocks the door. When he enters, he drops the bag on the floor and motions me inside without turning on the lights.

I enter with reluctance, glancing around at the unmade bed, the clothes on the floor, the wrappers and soda cans on the table, and the single lamp turned on. “How long have you been here?” I ask, turning to him as he closes and locks the door behind us.

He shrugs as he pulls the curtain shut. “Since I came to Glensdale about two to three weeks ago.” He looks around as if searching for something then hurries past me and over to the nightstand. I stand near the door, waiting for him to explain to me why he’s been around for that long and not made it aware to me until now, but all he does is start digging around in the drawer. It goes on forever, too long. Whatever he’s looking for, he’s clearly not going to find it.

“I’m waiting for you to tell me something—anything—that would explain what the hell’s going on.” I set his weapons down on the bed and make my way across the room toward him. “Layton, you have to give me something.” When he still doesn’t respond, I put a hand on his shoulder. His whole entire body jolts, surprising me. I’m not sure what’s going on or handle this. “Layton, I don’t—” My lips are silenced as he spins around and smashes his lips to mine with so much force I’m sure they’re going to bruise.

My initial reaction is to jerk back. No kissing, no lip-to-lip contact, but then I remember how much I wished I would have kissed him properly when I thought he died. And I don’t ever want that to happen again—regret something like that.

So I let him kiss me, our lips connecting, my pulse throbbing to kiss him back in a way I never have. There’s so much passion and desperation behind the kiss that something snaps inside me. Maybe it’s that he’s alive and not dead. Maybe I’m giving into my own emotions, but I kiss him back, grabbing onto him, willing opening my mouth as his tongue fights to get it.

“I’ve been wanting to do this since the last night I saw you… been dreaming about it for two years,” he whispers against my lips then the metal of his tongue ring grazes against my teeth as he kisses me deeply, fiercely, like he’s trying to steal my oxygen away. His hands tangle through my hair, drift down my back, feeling me and pushing me closer. I moan, bit his lip, slip my hands up the back of my shirt and drag my nails against his flesh, completely untamed. And I feel every part of it. Every single damn emotion pours through my body, one’s I’ve been suppressing for over a year. Passion. Anguish. Guilt. Pain. Sadness. Anger. Anger. Anger. For making me think he was dead. Before I even know what I’m doing, I pull away from him and slap my hand across his face.

“Oh my God.” I throw my hand over my mouth, my body uncontrollably trembling. “I don’t even know why I did that… I was just so… so upset over thinking you were dead.”

He places his hand over his cheek, eyes locked on me. “It’s okay.” He no you winces as his finger brush against his skin. “I deserved that. And I should have known what to expect. You are my feisty Lolita.” His lips quirk.

I want to smile back, but I feel so terrible still. “No you didn’t.” I lower my hand from my mouth and step toward him. Lifting his hand from his cheek, I look at the damage I’ve done. A bright red handprint marks his cheek. “I’m so sorry… I just… I was feeling too much… It’s been a long time.”

His gaze bores into me and I’m afraid to make eye contact with him. “I know it has.” His finger caresses my cheek. “God, I’ve missed you,” he breathes.

I don’t even know what to do with what’s going on inside me. Even before everything happened, I still wasn’t the best with my emotions. And after two years in solitude from them, it’s overwhelming to the point where I’m finding something as simple as breathing complicated.

“Layton,” I say almost breathlessly. “I really need to know what’s going on.” I finally look at him and the intensity in his eyes almost makes me buckle. “Before we do this…” Have sex, because I know we’re going to. “I need you to tell me what’s going on.” But despite my words, I start to lean again, as if magnetized by him. Sex has always calmed me and being calm seems like such a good idea right now, better than anything else—being with him seems better than anything else.

He takes a deep breath his lips parting, but he’s cut off as I start kissing him again. I’ve never instigated a kiss before and this one’s pact with heat and need and I have no clue what else. A lot of things I’ve never felt before.

It starts off slow at first, our tongues tangling together. But the slow quickly heats up and suddenly I’m yanking his shirt off and he’s tearing off mine, along with my bra. His hand grips my breast while the other grabs at my waist. Every time his finger grazes my nipple, I groan,

“Harder,” I hear myself say, but it doesn’t even sound like me. I’m so used to my voice sounding empty, but my tone is radiating emotion.

I feel Layton briefly smile against my lips then he pinches my nipple harder, just like I asked. God, it’s been so long since I felt this, so long since I wasn’t just going through the motions, completely detached.

Suddenly thoughts of what I done start to creep up into my mind, how many men I’ve been with, the things I’ve done, and again I feel a flicker of shame. But I do what I’m good at and shove it down as I fumble with the button of his jeans, our lips still fastened, bodies welded together. We start to back toward the bed, stumbling over each other’s feet. Right as we reach the edge of the bed, he flips us around, so I fall on my back onto the mattress. Seconds later, he’s pulling off my jeans and panties. As I sit up and reach for him, to bring him back to me, he takes me off guard, his head dipping between my legs. I feel the flick of his tongue ring first… Good God that tongue ring. It’s driving me made. Everything he’s doing is driving me made. The way his tongue is driving me toward the edge, the way his fingers grip at my thighs, the way his nearness is making my heart slam against my chest, the way my body is responding to him, writhing, moving against it’s own freewill, but in the best way possible.

I need more.

I need him inside me.

Now.

“Layton… please…” I pant as I reach down for him.

His tongue ring flicks my flesh again before he moves away from me, slips off his jeans, and puts a condom on. Then his body is covering mine and he’s kissing me again. My fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him closer as he thrusts his hips and sinks deep inside me.

That’s when I feel it.

A flicker of panic.

The intimacy of the moment I’ve shared with so many men. It was always one-sided but still… God, I never thought I’d feel so guilty over this.

I force myself to be stronger though and focus on Layton. The way he moves inside me, the way our bodies meet, the feel of his tongue, hands, the way our chests brush together, the way my nipples harden. I haven’t had an orgasm in forever but I can feel myself getting there fast, falling into blindness, my fingernails clawing into the flesh of his shoulders, desperate to hold onto something, afraid to fall all the way.

And then I’m gone. Lost inside everything that is Layton and for the briefest, most wonderful moment, I’m free. But then I return back to reality and it all hits me at once. Before I can stop myself, I start to cry.

Chapter 10

Lola

I haven’t cried in forever and I’m not sure how to turn it off. “I’m sorry,” I say to Layton as he slides out of me with a worried look on his face. “I don’t even know what the hell’s wrong with me.”

He looks like he understands, though, and without any hesitation, he wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest. It takes a while for the tears to stop, but finally they do. Without asking any questions, Layton lets me go and then helps me get dressed, well at least as much as I’ll let him. Then he slips his jeans and shit back on and sits down on the bed beside me.

“You want to talk about it?” He asks, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

I shake my head, wiping the last of my tears from my cheeks and eyes. “No, I want to talk about why you’re here… have been here for a couple of weeks without telling me. And why you found it necessary to fake your own death.” I’m using him as a distraction from my own feelings.

His lips part to speak but snap shut when we hear a soft knock on the door. I quickly move for one of the guns on the opposite side of the bed while Layton grabs a gun from the nightstand and rushes over to the window.

“Stay down,” he instructs as he pulls back the curtain and peeks out.

I linger near the bed with the gun aimed out in front of me. “Is it them? Is it Frankie’s men?”

It takes him a second to say anything and when he does speak it’s to himself. “Dammit, I thought I had more time until she showed up. Fuck.” Shaking his head, he turns to me, and the expression on his face startles me—packed with remorse. “Lola, I’m so sorry.”

“You’re always saying that.” Nervousness bubbles inside me at what the hell could possibly be on the other side of the door. “So what are you sorry for this time?”

“For what’s about to happen.” With heavy reluctance, he goes over to the door and opens it up. I’m not sure what to expect on the other side. Part of me believes that it’s going to be Frankie’s men, that Layton has betrayed me, that I just had sex with someone who’s going to help kill mer. But quiet honestly I don’t know what to think about what I actually see.

A woman about the same height as me with the same color of hair and eyes, similar lips and facial features, dressed in leather pants, boots, and a jacket. The woman in leather?

She looks like some sort of badass ninja assassin from the movies, a gun on each side of her belt, and boots that hug her legs and go to her thighs. Her dark hair is pulled into a tight ponytail She stares darkly at me as she strolls into the room, glancing around at the back area and then the bed, appearing completely unbothered by the gun in my hand. “You weren’t supposed to be seen, Layton. Tell me that through all that shit none of Frankie’s men saw you... They need to still think your dead otherwise we’re both fucked.”

“I’m not sure… I’m hoping not.” He closes the door and flips the lock and slides the chain over. Then he turns and gives me another apologetic look while the woman continues to stare at me with curiosity.

“I thought she’d be prettier,” she says with a bored expression.

“Who the hell are you?” I elevate the gun at her. “Start talking or I’ll shoot.”

She rolls her eyes like I’m pathetic. “We both know you’re not going to shoot me, that you have a history for freezing up.”

Okay I already don’t like her. She’s struck a nerve. A deep nerve. “Layton, who the fuck is this?”

He sighs tiredly, massaging the back of his neck tensely as he paces the space between the bed and the door, his gun still in his hand. “If I could just—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” I point my gun at him. “No more running around and distracting me with sex. Spill it. Now. Who is she?”

His eyelids lower and the look he gives me makes my skin tingling all over. “The sex wasn’t about that and you know it.” Then suddenly he grows uneasy again. “God, you’re going to hate me after this.” Another sigh as he stops between the ninja girl and myself. “Lola, this is Solana.” He pauses, biting at his bottom lip. “Your half-sister.”

I don’t even flinch. “Nice try, but I don’t have a half-sister,” I state, putting one hand on the bottom of the gun handle to steady it. “I’m the only child and you know that.”

Layton starts to move toward me, taking tentative steps, his gun in his hand, but his hand lowered to his side. “That letter of your mother’s that you found wasn’t about you. It was about her.”

I’m trying to keep composed, just like I was taught to do, but it’s becoming harder when my life is getting more and more flipped upside down. “How do you know about the letter… No one knows about it… no one alive anyway.”

“A couple of people do.” Layton stops just short of me, so my gun is pointed at his chest, proving that he’s not afraid of me, proving that he knows me too well. “Well, not so much the letter but what the letter contains.”

“A couple of people?” I ask. “Like my father… Is that why…” Is that why my mother’s dead?

“Your father does know about it—about Solana.” He offers me a sad smile. “Frankie knows too and a couple of others. It’s part of the debt your father was in with Frankie.” He gaze flickers to Solana who’s standing stoically, looking directly at me with her arms folded. “He helped keep her hidden from what he considered the wrong people and in return, your father owed him a lot of money. When he didn’t pay, then… well, you know the rest.”

“But why would he need to keep her hidden?” I ask, lost. “It doesn’t make any sense. Who are these wrong people?”

“He doesn’t want my real father to find out.” Solana intervenes as she moves with measured steps toward me, her heeled boots shuffling against the carpet. “Everson Milantes. I’m sure you recognize the name.”

It’s starting to make sense, the few things I didn’t quite understand in the letter, things that didn’t seem to pertain to me. “It wasn’t me she was talking about,” I say it more to myself than anyone else. I glance at Solana and there’s no denying that were related. Very, very closely related. “But I still don’t get it… why would he want to keep you hidden from everyone, including me. And why can’t Everson know he has a daughter?”

She lets out a laugh, but it sounds hollow and wrong, empty like her eyes. “Because our mother cheated on Larenze Anelli and not just with anyone, but with another Anelli.”

“But letter said it was Everson Milantes.” I look back and forth between Layton and her, wondering why they’re telling me knows, wondering a lot of things. “Not Anelli.”

“That’s because he changed his name,” Solana explains, sitting down on the dresser near by, and letting her legs hang over the edge. “See your father once had a brother who didn’t want to be part of this shitty drug world. But Anelli’s have no choice so instead of accepting his fate and either taking over or getting killed, Everson ran, kind of like you,” she muses.

“But it said you might not be Everson’s,” I tell her. “That my mother—our mother wasn’t sure.”

“Oh I am,” she assures me with disdain. “Your father made sure of that right before he sent me away.”

“But I was born right after my parents were married,” I say, still unable to wrap my head around the fact that I’ve had a sister all my life and never knew about her. “And they barely knew each other before that… I mean, how far apart are we in age?”

“Only a year.” Her eyes turn icy cold. “But don’t worry, all your precious stories are true, except for when they met. They still got married on the same day, still had you right after. They just forgot to include me in the stories, but that’s probably because for most of them I wasn’t in them.” She pauses as if debating whether or not to say something. “And it doesn’t matter. Even if there was some chance I wasn’t Everson’s daughter, what’s done is done. I can’t erase the past. I am what I am and there’s no changing it.”

There’s a sadness in her voice she’s trying to cover up and it makes me wonder…

“Where were you?” I ask. “All these years—where did you live?”

Something flashes in her eyes like a bright fire doused with fuel, but when she speaks her voice is impassive. “I lived with your Aunt Glady until I was old enough to go to a… A special school.”

“Wait a minute?” I ask, noting that Layton shuddered at the mention of the school. “My Aunt Glady knew about you.”

“Our Aunt Glady does,” she says expressionlessly.

All these years, not only did my parents lie to me, but my Aunt Glady did too. I thought I could trust her, but I guess I was wrong. My whole family is a bunch of fucking liars.

“So why the fuck are you suddenly showing up now.” I swing the gun back and forth between the two of them. “And leaving me notes I’m guessing.” My attention lands on Layton, because now that he’s here and alive, it’s starting to make sense. The reason the handwriting looked so familiar, the woman in leather being at The Dusky Inn, the note on my hand after the Tenner incident.

“It was the only way I could think of to make contact with you without giving myself away.” His gaze welded to mine, barely blinking, like he’s afraid I’m going to bolt. “I was trying to get you to leave Glensdale, trying to get you to leave subtly before…” He scratches the back of his neck and the looks to Solana for help.

“Before what?” My voice carries warning as I cock the gun.

Solana rolls her eyes at Layton then looks at me. “Before I have to kill you.” Her expression is dead serious, stone cold, her hands near her weapons. The look in her eyes tells me she’s planning on doing exactly what she just said. “You broke the rules though Layton,” she says, hoping off the dresser. “We had a deal. No contact with her ever again.”

“Well, it’s a stupid pointless rule,” he says in a low, heated tone as he starts to stalk toward her, raising her gun. “One you made up just for your own fun.”

“I have my reasons. And besides, it doesn’t matter why. You still broke the rules by seeing her—broke our deal.” Her eyes drift to the unmade bed. “And fuck her apparently.” She glances back at him. “You’ve been a bad boy.”

I should kill her. Kill her now and protect myself. But I know I can’t. Know from too many experiences it’s not going to be easy.

“So you’re here to kill me?” I ask in a surprising firm tone. I eye her over, wondering what to do next, attack her because I sure as hell can’t shoot her. Maybe I could lunge forward and wrap my fingers around that pretty little neck… I trail off at the sight of a tattoo on her neck. A triangle with the Roman numeral ten inside it. Bloody, fucking hell. My muscles ripple, tighten. “Who the fuck are you for real?”

Layton and her both give me a perplexed look. “Lola, we just explained this to you,” Layton says, stepping toward me, but I step back.

I disregard him, my eyes fixed on the tattoo on her neck. “Do you know Nyjah?”

She looks absolutely bored. “You’re boss at your whorehouse? Yeah, I saw him when I was scoping the place out.”

“You have his family crest tattooed on your neck,” I say, but then realize that it might not be a family crest. It could mean something else. “He has that exact thing tattooed on his neck as well.”

“Well, it’s not his family crest.” Her fingers wander to the tattoo on her flesh and she touches it absentmindedly. “But it explains some things.”

“What things?” I huff out a frustrated breath. “Tell me what the fuck it means.”

Neither or them speak, both just looking at each other as if waiting for the other one to explain. Finally, I can’t take it anymore. Whatever they’re waiting for I don’t want to be around for.

One…

Two…

Three…

I fucking run, because I’m better at that. I don’t for the obvious choice thought—the front door—since both of them are blocking my path. I sprint for the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, and locking it right as someone rams against the other side.

“Lola, open the door!” Layton yells from the other side. “It’s not what you think!”

I back away from the door until my back bumps the sink. “You don’t even know what I’m thinking so how can you possibly know that.” I glance around at the bathtub/shower, the sink, and then at the window, which is way too small for me to fit in. Nowhere to go.

As Layton continues to bang on the door and yell at me, I sink to the floor and rest my head back. I’m not even sure I’m tripping on the tattoo so much as the pile of lies and secrets the two of them dumped on me. All these years, my entire life, is nothing but a lie. I’ve known this for a while, but didn’t realize the vastness of the secrets hidden in the Anelli family. It makes me wonder just how many more there are.

But I think the real thing that gets me more than the secrets, the thing that’s clawing at my skin, is that I’m here right now, in this place, the crappy person that I am, the person who kills and fucks men for a living, because I had to settle a debt my father got into with Frankie because he what? Wanted to hide Solana? Because my mother cheated on him with his brother, who he doesn’t like? That’s why all this shit happened? Because of that. It’s bullshit.

As I’m stirring in my own anger, the door suddenly bursts open. Layton stumbles inside the bathroom, shaking his head, while I remain calm on the floor.

“How long have you known about all of this?” I ask as he catches his breath. “About Solana and my father—her father. How long?”

His mouth sinks to a frown. “I… For a couple of years… pretty much since I started working for Frankie. Well, at least about Solana. I didn’t know the whole story though until… until the day I technically died.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I rise to my feet, loathing how hurt I am that he kept so much from me. It reminds me of why I shut down so much. “We were best friends—why didn’t you just say something. I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

Looking torn, he glances over and then steps all the way into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. “It was more complicated than that, otherwise I would have.” He takes a step toward me then another and I have nowhere to go since I’m already pressed up against the wall. “That day I started working for Frankie was because I had to, Lolita. My father made me.” There’s so much hatred in his eyes. “They’d made a bargain a long time ago about it… out of all the people, it had to be Frankie Catherlson.” He dares another step toward me and then another until he’s right in front of me. “That day your mother died I learned that it would happen eventually—that eventually I’d work for Frankie. That the Everett’s and Catherlson’s would join each other and unite their bloodlines. It’s part of the reason why I decided to fake my own death Lolita… the things Frankie was making me do… what he was going to make me do… I couldn’t do it anymore…” he trails off then blows out an exasperated breath, his hand coming down on the wall beside my head. “That night—the night we killed. Frankie set you up. And I knew about it.” He yanks his fingers through his hair and lets out an exasperated breath, eyes blazing with self-hatred “God, I fucking knew that you were going to walk into that trap. I was told to let them kill you, punishment for your father getting into debt with Frankie. But I couldn’t do it… couldn’t lose you… never can…” He reaches out and grazes his finger across my cheekbone, sending warmth throughout my body. “I can never let the girl I love get killed.” He swallows hard, his breath faltering. “So I stepped in and… well you know the rest. They put a hit on me when they found out, but thankfully I found my way out, thanks to Solana.”

My brows knit. “What does Solana have to do with this?”

“A lot,” he says as his hands spread across my cheek. “But I think it’s better for her to tell you… it’s her story… the things she went through… what your father did to her to keep her hidden… Lola, she’s had a rough life and that tattoo… it has to do with it so just let it go for now. Please.” He gives an elongated pauses, his eyes searching mine. “Tell me you forgive me. I need you to forgive me.”

I’m not sure if I should be angry with him or not. He knew that night that I was walking into a trap and didn’t warn me, but he also saved me, just like he did tonight. “I feel like my head’s going to explode… This is so much to take in Layton. And you know me enough to know I don’t do well with the whole emotional stuff.”

“I know.” His gaze never wavers from mine. “And I have to be honest, there’s more to it than what I’m telling you—more that I’m not even sure of… but right now, we’ve got to get you out of here and someplace safe before Frankie’s men find you. Solana says there’s a safehouse nearby we can go to until we can figure out where to go next.”

Safehouses was create by a group of ex-mafia men who needed to hide out from being hunted. That’s the thing with the world we live in. Once you’re on the bad list you usually stay on until you’re dead, so the odds of us walking out of this alive look grim, unless we keep running.

“Solana says, huh?” I question with a hint a jealousy in my voice that makes me cringe.

He gives me a strange look. “Are you jealous? That doesn’t sound like the Lolita I know.”

“It must be the trauma,” I say sarcastically. “Or maybe the bump on my head from the other night is making me crazy.”

“I already told you, Solana helped me out.” He moves his hand away from my face and touches his chest. “Helped me fake my own death. And I think she’s here to help you if the deal between her and I still stands, which it seems like it does since she hasn’t killed you yet.”

My brows dip even lower as confusion sets in deeper. I reach for Layton’s shirt and lift it up until I can see his chest. He lowers his hand and lets me examine his skin… the small circular scar on his lean chest, right near the tattoo of his family’s crest, a circle enclosing Greek-like symbols. In the heat of the moment, I hadn’t even noticed the scar. “You were shot?” I gape at him. “When you said fake your death I thought… well, I’m mot sure what I thought, but Id didn’t think it meant you were actually shot.”

He shrugs nonchalantly. “It was the only way we could pull it off. But it’s okay—I’m okay. It missed all major organs and arteries… Solana has a very good aim and now all I have is a scar.”

“She’s the one who shot you? Good God.”

He sighs, cover his hand over mine, which is still pressed against his chest. I can feel his heart beating under my palm, steady, calm. “Lola, I know you want to hear all the answers, but we really need to get to the safehouse. You have two very powerful mafia families after you—you’re not safe here so close to a town and the public.”

“Wow two hits.” I force a hollow laugh as I absentmindedly trace the scar on his chest. “I guess I should feel honored or something.”

“Lolita…” His voice drifts off as he leans in toward me. “It’s going to be okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You know that, right?” His eyelids drift shut as he leans into kiss me. And I want to let him, but I’m afraid I’ll start crying again, my mind still on emotion overload. I feel just as cold inside as the day I first ran. I wonder when I’ll be warm again—if I’ll ever be warm.

So I turn my head and he ends up kissing my cheek, his lips brushing against my flesh, warming up the cold in my body for a flickering instant. “I can’t kiss you right now,” I teller him softly. “I’m already fighting an emotion breakdown and your kisses seem to bring it out more… make me feel too much.”

“Is that a good thing?” he asks, slanting back and looking me in the eyes.

“Good and bad,” I say truthfully. “I’m glad you’re alive… glad you’re here… but it makes me feel… sort of guilty about what I’ve been doing over the couple of years. And I’m not used to guilt. Never been my thing, you know.”

“I do know.” His voice is soft, caring. “Lola, what you did… I’m sure you had to do it, right? To survive.”

I shrug, guilty knots winding in my stomach. “Yes and no… It wasn’t just that.” I can barely look at him. “Honestly, I did it because I liked it—liked how it made me feel on the inside.”

He presses his lips together with so much force the skin around his mouth turns white. “How did it make you feel?”

I glance at him with wariness. “You seriously want to know?”

He nods, but doesn’t look so certain. “I want to understand what it was like for you these last two years—need to understand. Because all I have is that picture of what I walked in on when I went into the hotel room and saw you like that.” He squeezes his eyes, looking as though he’s in pain. “God, when I heard you scream, I thought I was going to find you dead.”

“It wasn’t always that way. Most of the time it was fine.” I don’t want to tell him the real reason why I did it, too ashamed, but when I open my mouth, it sort of spills out. “I did it because it made me numb—I didn’t have to feel death on my hands. You know as well as I do that sex was always sort of a weird euphoric thing for me. Well it started to be a self-numbing thing after everything happened, like taking drugs without the drugs.”

“Lolita,” he says my full name again, the sound rolling off his tongue like honey. “I’m sorry… I wish I could have found a way to tell you all this sooner... But I wasn’t even supposed to see you now… I’m supposed to be dead… but I had to see you. That night in the motel, later at the house when you were out looking at my car.” He drifts toward me again. “Tonight. I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”

I stare into his silvery eyes, remembering all the things we used to be, remembering how it felt when I thought I’d never look at him again, touch him again, kiss him again.

“Oh my God, fuck it.” I drop the gun and then I’m smashing my lips against his, kissing him with so much passion I nearly bite his lip. And he kisses me back with zero hesitation, scooping me up in his arms. I wrap my legs around him and hold onto him with one hand while my other drifts downward.

“Lola,” Layton says between kisses as I undo the button of his jeans. “I need to tell you something else… something really important…”

“Then tell me.” I know I should stop and listen to him, but I can’t bring myself to do so, not ready to break the connection.

I nip at his bottom lip as I grind my hips against him, eliciting a groan from his mouth. His hands wander to my breasts, down to my hips, as he nips and bites at my lips, my jawline, my neck.

“I want you inside me again.” I practically beg him again, not sure if I’m seeking sex for all the right reasons, but I can’t stop myself from wanting it. “Please, Layton.”

I feel him smile against my lips. “I’ve never heard you beg like that, but that’s two times in one night. I must be good.”

“And you’ve never returned from the dead before.” I rock my hips against his, growing impatient, but a grin slips through. “You’re such a cocky bastard.”

“Hmmm….” His fingers tangle through my hair as he press a kiss to my jawline. “Maybe I should drag this out more… see what I can get out of it.”

My smile broadens and I realize how long it’s been since I’ve genuinely smiled. But this is Layton I know, the one I grew up with before everything was tainted, before our friendship was torn apart, before I killed, before I ran, and that one could always get me to smile.

“I’d like to see you try.” I decide to act like the old Lola for a moment, even though I’m not sure who that is anymore.

He lets out this deep throaty groan and then his fingers are slipping under my panties and are about to slip into me and I’m practically panting in anticipation.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Hate to break up the pornshow in there,” Solana says through the door. “But we have a huge problem.”

“I’m going to kill her,” I gripe as Layton slips his fingers out of me, leaving me high and dry.

His silvery eyes look a little dazed as he wets his lips with his tongue. “Lola, you should get to know her—she’s your sister.”

He might be right but at the same time I’m not sure if I want to, considering everything.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“We have company,” she says and bangs on the door again. “So unless you want to die while fucking, get out here. Now.”

Shaking my head, I pick up the gun from off the floor. “God, I don’t want to kill again.” My breath falters from my lips, knowing that I just might have to, if we’re walking into an ambush.

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to.” There’s something in Layton’s voice that has me puzzled and a bit worried but before I can say anything about it, he withdraws something out of his back pocket.

A syringe.

I start to jump back but he grabs me by the arm and then the needle pierces my skin. “You fucking bastard,” I growl as a spout of dizziness overtakes me and I fall helplessly into my arms.

“I’m sorry, but it’s for your own good Lolita,” he whispers. The last thing I see in his eyes is remorse then I passed out, not sure what I’ll wake up to or if I’ll even wake up.

Chapter 11

Layton

My life has been full of choices not made by myself. It started when I was young, when my father sat me down in his office on my six birthday and told me I was going to befriend Lolita Anders.

“But I don’t want to,” I’d replied, being the typical six year-old boy who hates girl’s because he thinks they have cooties.

“You have to,” he’d said, sitting on the desk with his legs dangling over the edge as he looked down at me, making me feel so small in the chair. “It’s for a family, for protection. Right now, the Anelli’s don’t like us very much and we need them to like us. They’re too powerful for us to be on their bad side.”

It’d seemed like a silly reason, but I didn’t argue. I saw how arguing with my dad had ended up. My mother argued with him all the time and instead of yelling back, my father hit her. He also liked to hit the people that worked from him too and sometimes he even killed them. I wasn’t supposed to know it at the time, but I’d accidentally seen him shoot someone in cold-blooded murder when I’d been hiding in his office during a game of hide-an-seek with my brother.

So I’d agreed and had made a major effort to get to know Lolita Anders at school. Turns out, I actually liked her and the friendship sort of grew on it’s own. When I was fourteen, I realized I might like her as more than a friend, which confused the shit out of me so I didn’t act on it. But then when I was sixteen, I realized that I wanted to date her, but knew her well enough that I knew she’d never go for it. When I was seventeen, I slept with her for the first time and it was one of the best and worst days of my life because I realized I was falling in love with Lola, a foreign emotion to me growing up in a home so cold. Like a dumbass I ended up telling her and still to this day am waiting to hear it back. I’m not surprised though. Her mother stuffed her head with all this weird crap about relationships. My father said the woman was seriously messed up, that she was still in love with Everson, the brother, but stayed with Larenze Anelli, Lola’s father, because it gave her stability and wealth and that made her bitter.

When Lola’s mother died, she seemed to get a little worse. Tough as nails on the outside, she was a confused mess on the inside and completely shut down. And then when I went to work with Frankie, well I think she actually hated me.

I’m worried she’ll hate me again if I tell her everything. There’s so much I haven’t told her about our pasts and things going on now. I know if she knew everything about my family, she’d never forgive me. And I swear to God that in itself would be enough to kill me for real.

“I still can’t believe that you tranquilized her. I was betting that you’d backed out,” Solana remarks as we drive down the desolate highway, heading away from the motel where I’m hoping Frankie’s men are still looking for Lola. We’d managed to slip out unnoticed, but I’m not sure how long it’ll be until they figure out we’ve taken off. I’m worried. Right now I’m supposed to be dead and it took a lot to get to that place. Lots and lots of pain that I’d prefer to never experience again.

“I told you if anything bad happened, I’d do it,” I tell Solana. “We talked about this before I went into the bathroom to talk to her.”

She props her boots on the dashboard. “Yeah, but I didn’t think you had it in you.”

I glance in the rearview mirror, my worry about being discovered by Frankie’s men briefly alleviated when I see no headlights behind us. “I didn’t want her to end up in anymore situations where she had to kill anyone. Once was more than enough.”

“You and I have killed many, many more times,” she states blasé as if we’re talking about the weather.

I’ve known Solana for a couple of years now and this is the only mode she has—calm and indifferent. But it was how she was raised to be in that God-awful place that I still can’t believe my family is a part of. “And we’re perfectly fine doing it again.”

“No, you’re perfectly fine doing it again.” I clutch the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. “I hate doing it.”

“But you still do it if you have to.” She peers over her shoulder at Lola passed out on the backseat of the car. “She can’t even do it if her life depends on it.”

“And I’m glad. She’s better than that… it’s part of the reason why I love her. Because even though she won’t admit it, she’s a caring person.”

Solana rolls her eyes as she adjusts her ponytail. “You’re more whipped than I thought. No wonder you were perfectly okay taking a bullet just so you wouldn’t have to kill Lola. It’s starting to make sense now.” But I can tell she’s actually confused by it, unable to understand the emotion. I was honestly surprised when she made the deal with me. Let her shot me close enough to death, then we had a doctor who was in on it revive me, all so I could disappear and hopefully one day reunite with Lola again. There were so many things that could go wrong, like I could have easily died, but it was worth the risk to be here now.

I ignore her comment. Yeah, I am whipped by Lola, have been probably since we were fourteen. “So how long were you tracking me in Glensdale?” I ask, pretending that I’m calmer than I am. I know Solana enough to understand that if she wants to, she’ll kill me, without warning or hesitation.

“Since I was sent here to kill her about a week ago. I’ll admit I was a little surprised when I saw you poking around in her life. Not a lot of people are brave enough to break bargains with me.” She gives me a sidelong glance. “But I’m wondering just long have you been breaking our bargain?”

“For a couple of weeks now,” I lie tightly, because I’ve been trying to track Lola since we made the bargain. “I’m sorry, but once I found her and then found out Frankie had figured out where she was, I had to protect her. I tried to do it subtly, but they found her first.”

“You’re lucky I didn’t find her first,” she says, chewing on her bottom lip. “I promised pain when I found her and still haven’t got the honor of doing so.”

“Don’t hate her, Solana, just because she had a better life than you.” I’m crossing a line, but she’ struck a nerve with threatening Lola. “It’s not her fault what happened to you.”

“I know that.” She looks out the window at the trees blurring by. “But you’re forgetting that it’s in my nature to hunt and kill. And right now, I’m going against every instinct instilled in me. ”

“And why are you exactly?”

She remains silently for a while before looking at me. “Lets just say I’m doing you another favor.”

I’d press her for more details, but know it’ll be wasted breath. “So can I ask which one of the families sent you here to kill her?” I ask. “I’m guessing the Dellefontes since Frankie sent his own men.”

She shakes her head. “Nope. That’s not how I work.”

“You know you’re awfully committed to the people who hire you, which is weird since they’re the reason you’re like this in the first place.”

“Watch it Layton,” she warns. “Don’t forget for a second who I am and don’t forget what I’ve done for you.”

She’s right—Solana isn’t someone to be messed with. I should just take my gun out now and get rid of her, but I can’t bring myself to do so. She saved me, from death, from a life I loathed. I owe her more than I probably ever be able to pay back.

So where is this safehouse?” I change the subject. “You said it was nearby but we’ve driven for over fifty miles by now.”

She waves for me to keep going as she rest back in the seat and cross her arms over her chest, letting her head fall back against the headrest. “Just keep going. I promise it’s not too far.”

I sigh and keep driving down the road. Safehouses are always questionable. Either the people are genuinely good and have opened the house to help people like Lola and I who need to escape or they’ve done it hoping people like Lola stumble in and the can collected the reward. And the reward on Lola is huge. Three different mafia families after her, although I haven’t told her about the third, too terrified to tell her who the third one is.

After what seems like hours, Solana finally tells me to turn off the road that dips into the forest. I drive another twenty miles out into the backwoods, the car not taking to the bumpy road very well and I worry more than a few times that we’re going to get stuck. Finally, after I’m beginning to question if Solana knows where we’re going, we pull up to a log cabin secluded in the trees.

“There it is,” she announces, sitting up in her seat. “See, told you it was back here.”

I eye the house with skepticism. It’s late, the lights off, so it’s completely dark around us except for the headlights from the car and a moonlight trickling through the trees. “Are you sure this place is a safehouse?”

She reaches for the door handle. “Yep. Got the information from a very reliable source.”

I turn the engine off but keep the headlights on. “And that would be?”

“Your brother.” There’s a twinkle in her eyes. She’s fucking with my head right now and completely enjoying herself. She knows how I feel about my younger brother, Benton—that I love him to death but that he’s completely irresponsible.

“Are you being serious or not?” I check to make sure I have my gun tucked in the back of my jeans and then that the switchblade is in my boot.

“Of course I’m being serious—I’m always serious Layton.” She shakes her head and then rolls her eyes again. “Would you relax? Like you said, Lola’s my sister. I won’t let anything happen to her, something I think I proved when I didn’t kill her today like I was hired to do.” She opens the door. “Beside, I need her alive.”

“Yeah, but I don’t get why since you won’t explain it to me.”

“It’s better if you don’t know,” she says. “Now lets get her inside and you can tell her what’s going on and hopefully after the initial rage of wanting to kill you wears off, she’ll be smart enough to run away with you.”

“Wait a minute,” I say before she gets out of the car. “I thought she had to do this alone. That was the deal when you shot me. That I had to stay dead to everyone, including Lolita.”

She pauses, contemplating something. “Lets just say I’ve had a change of heart.”

“But what if I get caught?” I ask, grabbing the door handle. “It’ll fall back on you.”

“Then it falls back on me. Don’t pretend like you care, Layton. No one cares about me. That’s the whole point of being what I am. I’m dispensable so no one will miss me when I’m gone—No one will notice.” She steps out of the car and starts to shut the door, but pauses, lowering her head and looking at me. “Look, I’m giving you a get out of jail free card right now, which I never give. Take it or leave it. Your choice. But you need to tell Lola the truth first before you take off with her.” Then she shuts the door.

She’s never showed any signs of humanity since the day she let me off the hook for getting killed, something she proposed to me for reasons she’s never explained to me. She did seem to get some sort of weird satisfaction off shooting me to near death, though. I’m sure it has something to do with being sent to that God-awful place she went to… the one that my fucking family helps run.

I shake the thought from my mind, not wanting to think about the disgusting things I learned about my family over the last few years, and get out of the car. I open the back door to get Lola out, brush my fingers across her cheek, listen to the soft sound of her breathing. That night she killed one of the Dellefontes men, I saw a part of her die inside. And now… well, she looked so hollow, so numb, so broken when I first saw her. She doesn’t even know who she is anymore. But she’ll never admit it. No, her father made sure of that, telling her over and over again to never show weakness. It’s one of the many things we have in common—shitty parents who have zero parenting skills.

I scoop Lola up in my arms, kick the door shut, then hike up the shallow hill toward the cabin. I take my time, not just because I’m worried about going in, but because I know that this might be the last time I’ll ever get to touch Lola depending on how she reacts to what I have to tell her.

“Fuck, I hate my family,” I mutter under my breath as I open the cabin door.

When I step inside, my first instinct is to set Lola down and pull out my gun. The entire place is dark and empty. I can barely see anything, but then Solana appears in front of me with her knife drawn out.

“I checked it out and we’re safe,” she says, putting the knife away in the pouch attached to her belt. “There’s no one else here.”

“How long do we have to stay here?” I ask as we make our way to the back of the cabin.

“Honestly, I say you two should sleep the night, get some supplies from here and then hit the road. You’re not going to be able to go to an airport or bus station near here—they’ll be keeping an eye on that,” she says, glancing over her shoulder at me then at Lola. “That is if she’ll go with you after you tell her.”

“She will. But I’m unsure myself. “But what are you going to do? You can’t just go back empty handed. You were hired you to track her down and kill her and he’s going to want proof.”

“That’s for me to deal with,” she says indifferently as we reach the back of the house. “Don’t worry. I have a plan. Big, huge, plans.” The last part she says more to herself.

Saying nothing more, we make a turn down a hallway and then duck behind a curtain where we proceed down a set of steps toward a lighted area, going further and further into the house. At the bottom, it opens up into a massive room that looks like a shelter, which I guess is what it is—shelter from being hunted. I’ve been in a couple of them already, over the last couple of year while I was pretending to be dead. This one looks similar; cots, boxes of food, jugs of water, weapons, supplies, and the light is coming from a lantern in the middle of the room, which I’m assuming Solana lit. I set Lola in one of the cots while Solana strolls over and starts looking around at the cans of food on the shelf while slipping off her leather jacket.

“It looks like it’s been a long time since someone’s been down here,” she remarks, running her fingers along the layer of dust covering everything.

“That’s a good thing… it means more people no about it.” I smooth my hand over Lola’s head, wishing things could stay exactly this way, but deep down know that she’s going to wake up and eventually I’m going to have to tell her the whole truth, not just about our pasts, but about my family’s, Frankie’s, her mother’s. And I’m worried that she’s never going to talk to me again. And I’m not sure if I can handle her out of my life again. It nearly killed me the first time.

Chapter 12

Lola

When I open my eyes, I have no idea where I am. In a bed, yes, but where I have no idea. There are people talking someone so I don’t dare move, lying there stirring in my own panic. It feels warm around me, like I have a blanket over me and the air smells like wood and damp earth.

Finally, after lying there for an eternity, I open my eyes. The light stings my eyes and I blink several times until my vision comes into focus. I’m in some kind of storage room with no windows and a lot of shelves with can goods on then. I make out Layton and Solana sitting in fold up chairs not too far away from me, their guns on their laps, having an intense conversation with each other.

I discretely reach around to get my gun out of my jeans but it’s not there. As slowly as I can, I move my arm downward to my boot and draw out my knife, knowing it’s going to be useless against their guns. Then I take a deep breath and before I can back out, I throw the blanket off me and spring up from the bed.

When my clunky boots hit the wooden floor, they both look over at me, Solana seeming unsurprised and Layton appearing uneasy. “Lola, just calm down and let me explain,” he says, putting his hands up, eyeing the knife in my hand.

“Five seconds,” I tell him with the knife pointed out in front of me.

“Five seconds and what?” Layton asks, gradually setting his gun on the floor.

“Five seconds to give me a good explanation as to why the fuck you tranquilized me and what the hell is going on. And if you can’t, I’ll slit your throats and run.” I’m being a little over dramatic, I know it, but I need to get some answers.

Layton struggles for words. “Lola I… we need to… you and I—”

“Oh for the love of God.” Solana tosses her gun to the side, gets up and crosses the room in three long strides. She grabs the knife out of my hand, and chucks it on the floor as well. “He tranquilized you because you’re easier to save when you’re passed out, since you’re pathetic when it comes to protecting yourself. And what’s going on is that you have Frankie Catherlson, the Dellefontes, and the Everett’s all wanting to kill you. So congratulations. You’re probably the most wanted women in mafia history at the moment.”

“The Everett’s.” Baffled, I glance over to Layton in shock. “Is that true? Does your family want to kill me too?”

He reluctantly nods then gets up from his chair and takes a few cautious steps toward me, the floorboards creaking under his weight. “I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”

“It doesn’t make sense,” I say, wondering what part Solana plays in all this. Layton says she was sent to kill me, but she hasn’t, so why. And who sent her if there’s three of them who want me dead? “I mean, I understand why the Dellefontes want me dead... And Frankie I guess. But why you’re family?”

“For the same reason as Frankie does.” He spats Frankie’s name venomously.

“For revenge on my father,” I say but he nods. “But what does your father have against my father? I thought they got along for the most part?”

“They don’t, at all… haven’t for a long time…” He trails off, shaking his head as he closes the space between us. There are bags under his eyes, his hair is sticking up all over the place, and he looks strung out. “Lola, I lied about why Frankie’s men are after you… I was afraid to tell you the real reason since my family is a part of it, since they have a hit on you too. I didn’t think you’d trust me, especially after all the lies already.”

“A part of what exactly?” I look from Layton to Solana who shrugs.

“Don’t look at me,” she says, backing away from me. “It’s his job to tell you.”

“But it’s your story,” Layton tell her. “You should be the one—”

“I don’t want to talk about what happened to me.” She cuts him off and for a moment a fire flames in her eyes, emotions so powerful I feel it in my own gut. Anger. She’s angry over something.

She picks up her gun and her jacket then heads for the stairway. “I’m going to go check on things. Have fun kids.” And with that, she leaves Layton and I alone as she trots up the stairs and disappears.

“So are you the one who’s going to do it?” I pick up my knife from the floor and wipe some dust off the blade. I wonder how many times I’ll have to question everything, question my life, question the truth. As long as I’m connected to the mafia world, I’m sure questioning will always be a necessity. I wish I could just disconnect myself.

Layton’s appalled by my statement. “What? No. God, Lolita, I wish you’d quit saying that.” He rubs his hand down his face and then releases a stressed breath. “Can I at least hold you while I tell you?”

I pull a wary face, shaking my head. “You know that’s never been my thing.”

“I know, but I need it right now.” He extends his hand toward me. “Please.”

I eye his hand for a while, then finally take it. Our fingers lace together, the contact of him surging to my body as he guides me to one of the chairs. When he sits down, he pulls me down on his lap without asking first. “You remember they day your… mother died?” he starts, his arms wrapping around my waist. “And how the Dellefontes, the Catherlson’s, and my family was all there at your house?”

I nod, remembering how they all just looked at my father holding my dead mother in his arms. Instead of helping him, they simply left. “How could I forget? It was one of the worst day’s of my life.”

“Well, they were there for a meeting.” He brushes his fingers through a strand of my hair and tucks it behind my ear. “A potential business offer for your father, but he wouldn’t take it because of your mother.”

“What kind of a business offer?” I glance at the stairway where Solana disappeared. “I’m guessing it has to do with Solana and that school she was sent to.”

His body stiffens. “That’s not really a school so much as a warehouse to breed… murdered, assassins, whatever you want to call them.”

My jaw drops. I’ve heard a lot of shit in my life, seen a lot of bad stuff. Death. Murder. Dishonestly. Back stabbing. But this. This is disgusting. “Wait a minute, when you say breed, what exactly do you mean?” I think I already know though and it makes me sick just thinking about it.

“I mean they take young children and train them to be killers.” He pauses and I can hear his pulse hammering. “And they also breed. They have women there who are being kept there against their will to have children with good bloodlines who are to be raised in that environment. Then when they get old enough, the sell them off.”

My stomach rolls and I’m worried I’m going to throw up all over Layton. The idea in itself is repulsive but then there’s the fact that my father sent someone to this place—sent Solana there, my half-sister, my flesh and blood. The fact that he could do that makes me wish I was really an Anders and nothing more, makes me wish I could drain the Anelli blood from my body.

“Why do they do this?” I ask then shake my head. “Never mind. I already know. For the money. It’s always about the money.”

“There’s a lot of money in it, yes,” he says with a nod. He stares at me momentarily then shuts his eyes and leans in to me, pulling me closer. “Lola, I want you to know that I didn’t know about this until I went to work with Frankie... It nearly killed me knowing…. The things they made me do… the things I saw… It was killing me inside.”

“I know it was.” I smoothe my hand over his head, remembering how I’d noticed how different, how much more burden he looked after he started working for Frankie. “I saw that it was.” I sit there smoothing my hand his head for what feels like hours, while he breaths in and out, in and out.

Finally he pulls away and looks at me again. His eyes are a little watery, like he’s been crying. “Run away with me.” There’s desperation in his eyes, a silent plea.

I bite down on my lip. “What?”

He sits up and traps my face between his hands. “Run away with me, Lolita. We can start over and I’ll keep you safe. Please tell me you trust me enough to run away with me, like you said to me when we were fourteen. God I wish I would have just done it… Things would have been so different if I just done it back then.” He pulls me against him again, embracing me tightly.

I remember the day my mom died, right before I found her in my dad’s arms in the driveway, I’d suggested to Layton that we run away. I’d never liked the world I grew up in and leaving seemed like such a great idea—still does. I just wish I could permanently leave it all behind.

“Where would we go?” I ask with my face tucked against his chest where I can hear his heart thudding almost violently. I think about Dannie and Mary Lou and how I’m just going to disappear, leaving them to wonder what happened to me.. Then there’s Nyjah. I don’t know whether he was with Reagan on blackmailing me or not, but I still wish I could say good-bye. I feel guilty about it, but know in my heart that I can’t go back to Glensdale. Maybe one day, if this all ever settles down. One day. I hope. I hope. I hope.

Layton swiftly slants back, looking flabbergasted. “You’re seriously considering it? After everything?”

“You know I’m crazy enough.” I try to make a joke but miss the mark badly—it’s been a long time. Not knowing what else to say, I shrug. “I have to run anyway. Might as well be with someone.” I give him the best smile I can summon, but there’s too much darkness in me at the moment to be happy.

He smiles back, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I know, but I want to make sure.”

I think I’m sure. The last thing I want to do is leave Layton when I just got him back. “Layton, can I ask you a question?”

He nods, this time with confidence. “You can ask me anything.”

I suck in a breath. “Do you know who killed my mother?” Usually when I say something like this, he would always say that my mother died from natural causes, so I don’t expect much from him.

“I honestly don’t know.” He touches my face, a soft brush of his hand, then moves his fingers to my lips and traces them. “I know that it was someone there that day… I heard my dad saying something about it once. But he never said the specifics.”

“So it could be any of them?” I ask, rage flaring in my chest. I’d always had my suspicions about her death and know I find out I’m right. It makes me angry. Makes me want to go back to Boston and find out who it is. “One of the Dellefontes, or the Catherlson’s. Or your father or mine. One of them did something to her.” The last two hurt.

He nods, appearing in agony too. “I don’t know what you know about your mother… but I heard a lot of stuff about her… about messing around with the wrong people.”

“Sadly, it doesn’t surprise me. Not after everything… God, I can’t believe she let her own daughter go to that kind of place.” I’d thought my life had been bad but Solana’s was so much worse. To be raised to be a killer… the things she must have went through and knowing that one of her parent’s sent her there.

“I think I should talk to her,” I tell Layton, climbing off his lap.

“I think you should too.” He stands up with me and picks up his gun. “But it’s going to have to be quick. If we’re going to go we’ve got to go soon… Solana… well she’s been hired to kill you and she can’t stall for much longer.”

I should be more shocked than I am, but at this point shock has lost it’s full effect. “I definitely need to talk to her.” I start for the door, but Layton calls out to me.

“Lola, wait,” he says and when I turn around, he tosses me my 9mm. “Just to make sure your protected. I feel better when you are.”

I nod then take a deep breath, stepping up the stairway to go talk to the sister I’ve never known.

Chapter 13

Layton

I can’t believe she agreed to go with me after I told her about my family wanting to kill her, that they might have had something to do with her mother’s death, and of course about the shameful business connected to the Everett’s name. But I’m not going to question it. I have bigger things to worry about, like getting Lola to somewhere safe until we can figure out why the three families want her dead. Plus, I have to keep myself dead while I do it.

As soon as she goes up to talk to Solana, I start throwing supplies in a bag. We’re going to have to live on the road for a while but are going to have to ditch the car eventually, since the Catherlson I’m sure have the plate number by now. We can drive to the next state and then maybe leave the country, if Lola has her passport.

I’m zipping up the bag when Lola comes back down the stairs, looking baffled. “She’s gone.”

I tuck my gun in the back of my jeans. “Solana?”

She nods, her 9mm still in her hand, her dark hair a scattered mess, and there’s dirt on the bottom of her pants and on her boots. “I searched around, check the car and then walked around the woods a little bit, calling out to her, but she didn’t answer.”

I pick up a hoodie from a small stack on the shelf and put it on. “I’d say I’m surprised, but honestly I’m not. It seems like something she’d do.” I could tell when I was talking to her while Lola was still out that she was going to bail soon. She’s been getting text from someone—I’m sure whoever hired her—and was getting antsy.

“But where would she go?” she asks, coming over to the shelf and grabbing a hoodie as well. “We’re out in the middle of the friggin’ woods for crying out loud.”

“She’s more than capable of taking care of herself.” I zip of the hoodie and pick up the bag. “She’s been trained to be the best at survival.”

Lola frowns at the reminder of where her sister was raised. “Well, then what are we going to do?"

“We are going to hit the road.” I extend my hand to her. “You have your passport on you?”

She nods, eyeing my hand with reluctance before taking it. “I do. It’s in the bag in the trunk.”

“Good.” I lace my fingers through hers and pull her toward the stairway.

She follows after me. “Where are we going exactly?”

“Well, we’re going to stay on the road until we get within a safe distance from Glensdale,” I tell her as we make our way up the stairs. “But then I was thinking Mexico.”

She stops at the top of the stares. “Wait. We’re leaving the country?”

“Yeah, I think it’s safest for now.” I start to walk again, but she doesn’t budge. “What’s wrong?”

She shrugs. “It just seems like a lot, you know.”

I nod, trying not to over-analyze the hesitancy in her eyes. “But you trust me, right?”

I wait for what feels like an eternity and then instead of answering me, she leans forward and kisses me, letting me know that she does.

Chapter 14

Solana

I stand in the darkness, waiting for the house to clear out before I go in. It took me over a day to walk back to Glensdale, hitching hiking when I could. By the time I arrive at The Dusky Inn, it’s nearing the next night.

I don’t feel bad for taking off without saying. Good-bye’s were never my thing and if I stuck around for much longer I would have had to either answer the person who sent me after Lola in the first place or explain to Lola that her own father sent me to kill her. And the withering heart inside me couldn’t bring myself to do it—guess it wasn’t completely dead like I’ve thought for years. Besides, if I told her, then she’d want to know why and I don’t know that, other than there are four mafia families all connect to that damn warehouse where I was raised, who want Lolita dead, just like they wanted her mother dead. Larenze never explained that to—and he wouldn’t—just like I never explained to him that I will never, ever kill for him. He thinks that some training and brainwash will make it easy for me to forget that he was the one who sent me to live at that place...

I shudder on the inside, go cold, as I see images… of what was done to me… things I’ll never forget, but can’t allow myself to remember.

So I leave and focus on my plan, which has just had a slight change to it. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Nyjah since Lola told me about the lovely little tattoo we share. Although, it’s more like a brand than anything. A brand of what we are.

After the last woman walks out of the place, I decide it’s time to enter. There’s only one light on in the entire place, coming from the lower office where I know Nyjah is drinking a glass of scotch, something I learned while scoping out Lola. He does it every night, then smokes a cigarette, staring off into empty space. I’d wonder what he was thinking about and now I think I know.

“We’re closed,” he says when my boots make the floor creak. He glances over at me, squinting to see me in the shadows. He’s wearing a plain black T-shirt, torn jeans, boots. His hair is short, eyes crystal blue, and I can see on his neck the tattoo we share. “Whoever the fuck you are, leave. I’m done dealing with people for the day.”

I smile to myself. Whenever he talked to Lola, he was nice, caring. This is the side he covers up, the side connected to his past, which I’m really fucking curious to find out how he escaped. “Nyjah Peirton. Although, I’m guessing that’s not your real name. In fact, if I had to guess, I’m betting that you don’t even know your real last name, nor is Reagan your real father.”

His expression suddenly shifts from worry to coldness as he rises from his chair. He opens his desk drawer and takes out his pistol. “I won’t go down without a fight. You should know that.”

Smiling to myself, I unzip my leather jacket, revealing my neck, then step from the shadows, keeping my weapons in place. “And you should know that if I wanted you dead, you’d already be dead.” I dismiss his gun as I wander around his office, studying it, but there’s not much to it, just a bar, some filing cabinets, and a door that goes to a dressing room. I turn to him. “Relax. I’m not here to kill you.”

His gaze darts to the tattoo on my neck immediately then he starts to wind around his desk toward me, the pistol still in his hand, but not aimed at me yet. “Who sent you?”

“No one.”

“Then how did you find me?”

I plop down in one of chairs and cross my legs. “A simple accident, but you should consider yourself lucky I did.”

He presses his lips together, undecided whether he should just kill me or not. After a moment, I guess he decides to at least wait because he sets the gun on the desk then sits on the edge of it himself. “And why would it be lucky that another one of the Sangue Assassins has graced their presents in the life I created to escape that life.”

“Because you know as well as I do that you never really escaped,” I say, thrumming my fingers on top of my knee. “That you’ll always be looking over your shoulder. In fact, I’m betting that the only way you haven’t been discovered yet is because that Reagan guy who you pretend is your father has you doing his dirty work for his business.”

He frowns, his muscles stiffening. “It’s better than the alternative. At least this way, I don’t have to kill all the time.”

“True. But I’m giving you another alternative. One where you will never have to kill again after we’re done. That is if you don’t want to.” I lean back in the chair. “I never know which, Sangue’s need to kill and which one’s just do it because they have to.” I scan him over. “Although, you look like the kind who just do it because you have to.”

He eyes darken. “And which one are you?”

I smile to hide what I really am inside. “Now why would I tell you that? We barely know each other.”

He continues to gaze at me, attempting to see through my shield. But it’s made of metal and locked with a thousand invisible locks. No one has been able to get through that shield and that’s the way I built it. Tough as nails. Empty inside. Blank. Detached. Untouchable. It’s how I survived all those years of torture and training and I will never ever let anyone get through that shield. Can’t.

Nyjah takes a sip of his scotch and then sets it down o the desk. “What are you proposing?”

I lean forward in the chair, resting my arms on my knees. “I’m proposing we take the warehouse down.”

His eyes widen as he lets out a sharp laugh. “Are you fucking crazy? That’s impossible.” He shakes his head repeatedly then gets to his feet. “Do you know what kind of power that would take?” He looks around the room. “And I’m guessing by your solo visit, you have no one.”

“I have some,” I say, but it’s a lie. The only other person who knows what I want to do is Benton, Layton’s brother, but that’s because I let it slip. A first for me, but Benton has this way of making me talk about things when I don’t want to. Honestly, Nyjah is the first Sangue that I’ve crossed path’s with that hasn’t been on some sort of assassin mission. Most of them are cold, unable to live in the real world, unable to communicate on a normal level.

Nyjah takes another sip of his drink, this time finishing it off. “You’re crazy.”

“I never claimed to be sane,” I say, getting to my feet. It’s time to go. Staying in the same place for too long is never good and I’m getting the vibe that Nyjah isn’t going to be on board. “But it’s clear that you are.” I start for the door. “I have a nice life, Nyjah.”

I make it to the doorway before he calls out, “Wait.”

I pause then turn around. He stands up from the desk and walks over to me. “If I agree to help you, I’m going to need to hear a plan. None of this going in blind shit that the Sangue’s are known for.”

“Oh, I have a plan,” I tell him. “But it’s going to take some time.”

“And what’s that?”

“Eliminating the people who control it.”

He considers what I said. “This is crazy,” he says to himself. “I came here to get out of this shit… to let everything go.”

“But have you?”

He shakes his head, his expression flashing with anger for the briefest second, probably as he remembers things he’s been fighting to forget. “No and I never will.”

“But you can help others never have to go through it,” I say, burying my own memories, the cries, the screams, the pain. “Are you with me or not?”

He wavers then nods. “Okay, I’m in. But just so you know, I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for someone else.” The pain in his eyes lets me know it was someone close to him, someone who probably died during the training or took their own life, something that happened often.

“And that’s alright with me.” Because in the end all that really matters is that that damn warehouse burns to the ground and no one else has to suffer.

Content

Sins & Secrets
Sins - 1
Jessica Sorensen

Seduction & Temptation  (Sins, #0.5)

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Sins & Secrets (Sins, #1)

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14