Bear Naked

Midnight Liaisons - 3.5

Jessica Sims

Chapter One

When you’re twenty-six years old, you’re old enough to know it’s a bad idea to listen at doorways. But when you’re a were-bear with super-enhanced hearing, and your name comes up during a meeting of the clan families? You kinda have to stop and listen.

I’d known there was a meeting of the bear clan elders in my father’s basement office that evening, but I hadn’t realized they were meeting about me. I paused at the doorway at the top of the basement stairs, frowning. Maybe I was imagining things. Maybe they weren’t talking about me after all.

“It’s clear that Nikolina’s going to go into heat in the next month or two,” I heard Janna Bjorn say. “The men are starting to notice her scent a lot more. We need to solve this problem.”

An embarrassed flush crept over my face. Okay, so they were definitely talking about me. I paused at the top of the stairs, my glass of water in hand, and grew completely still, listening.

“Does she realize that she’s going to?” Minda Tolfson asked. “How sheltered is she?”

I realized this was directed at my father a moment after he began to bluster and mumble through an answer. God, how embarrassing.

I knew I was going into heat. I wasn’t stupid. I had shifter cousins and had grown up in the were-bear community. I knew what it meant when I started having wet dreams every night, got totally aroused over everything, and my hormones were out of control. I’d figured it out when I’d gone to the grocery store and cleaned out an entire shelf of chocolate bars.

I just hadn’t brought it up to anyone else yet, because I hadn’t quite figured out what I was going to do.

Going into heat meant I was ovulating. Like our wild counterparts, if I went into heat, it meant babies. Shifter females had a very lax reproductive system; we only went into heat a few times in our lives. Each time, a shifter female had to consider more than just her own wants and needs. If she went on birth control and elected not to have the baby, there was a chance she was depriving her already small clan of another member.

I could elect not to have the baby, I supposed, but…I was in limbo as it was.

“What about Ramsey? Can’t someone go back and round him up now that we need him?”

I heard Janna Bjorn snort. “That errant boy has taken a mate. A werewolf.” She sneered the word. “He’s not asked to rejoin the clan, and I don’t see that he’d ever be allowed with a mate like that.”

I tried not to flinch at the sound of Ramsey Bjorn’s name. Tried, and failed. Stinking Ramsey Bjorn. I hated the man. He was the cause of my predicament. The bear clans were five families from Norway who had emigrated into the Ozark hills of Arkansas back at the turn of the century. Since bear shifters were rare, we stuck together. We kept the old ways. Old names, old habits, old everything. Our families had grown up intertwined, and a bear shifter knew from birth exactly who he or she was destined to marry. It ensured bloodlines stayed strong and family trees didn’t get too inbred.

Ramsey Bjorn had been my betrothed since I’d been born. He was the only possible mate for me out of our small clans. He was blond, tall, surly, and we’d never been all that friendly. Never really had to. It was just assumed that we’d rub along until we got married.

Ramsey had also been exiled at fifteen when he’d sided with a were-cougar ambassador over his own family. The bear clan didn’t forget things like that. If there was one thing that was pounded into a were-bear’s head, it was that family was everything. Ramsey had betrayed his, so he’d been exiled. Now, years had passed and it seemed that he wouldn’t be coming back at all.

I was screwed. No mate? No family. I’d be condemned to be a spinster for the rest of my life, simply because there was no one eligible for me to marry. Everyone else was related or…human. And a were-bear simply couldn’t marry a human. They couldn’t know about our animal side, and they’d never, ever understand it.

And I wanted a family, desperately. I’d been on the outside looking in for what felt like forever. I was included in family events, but I was treated like a twelve-year-old daughter, not a grown woman. Why? Because I wasn’t married. Sometimes, the bear clan could be a little backward.

Okay, a lot backward. But if I rebelled, I’d be exiled, and the bear clan was all I had.

Someone downstairs spoke again.

“If Ramsey has a mate, do you think she would mind if he made a…” a throat cleared. “A donation?”

“Would you mind if it was your mate?”

I flinched again. Jesus.

“Good point.”

“So do we have anyone that’s unmated and unrelated? What about Kristof?”

“Cousin,” my father answered. “Too close to kin.”

“And Dag?”

“Second cousin.”

“Mattias?”

My jaw dropped. Mattias was sixty if he was a day.

“He’s a widower,” my father said, considering. “But Nikolina is young. Far too young for one such as Mattias.”

“Sigurd Aasen,” Janna said in a stern voice. “We do not have many options here. Your daughter is twenty-six and unmarried. She is about to go into heat, and we have no mate for her. This is critical. We cannot have her elect to not have the baby. Our clan is too small as it is.”

“As is evidenced by the fact that there is no one for her,” Minda pointed out. “So what do we do?”

“What about the married men?” Jokkum Hanssen finally spoke up.

“What about them?” Janna’s voice was stern.

I pressed closer to the door. Yes, what about the married men? I wanted to hear this, too. Not that there were any married men I wanted to sleep with, but I was curious where he was going with this.

“Why don’t we have one of them…you know. Take one for the team.”

Take one for the team?

My jaw dropped. They talked of impregnating me like they would mopping the floors or taking out the trash. This wasn’t a volunteer situation. This was my body.

“Nikolina is not unattractive. I have seen some of the men watching her lately. I know there are some that would not object to mating with her simply for the sake of a child.”

Janna snorted. “Some like yourself, Jokkum?”

“If I must.”

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Jokkum was older than me and had a beer gut. He also drank too much.

“That still does not solve the problem of her being unmated,” Minda pointed out.

“This is the twentieth century,” my father said. “She can be an unmated mother. Lots of humans do it.”

“Or we can place the child with the father’s family,” Jokkum said. “Or someone can take her as a second wife, as the Mormons do.”

I wanted to point out that the Mormons didn’t really do that anymore, and gross.

“And what about Nikolina’s choice in such things? She is my daughter and I am responsible for her. All of the choices you present here are not good ones for our family.”

You go, Daddy, I thought to myself. You tell ‘em. It would have been nice if he’d have defended me a bit more instead of the family, but I’d take what I could get.

“Gunnar Ludvik, you are quiet,” Janna said. “What are your thoughts?”

I heard Gunnar clear his throat. The quietest clan leader, he was a man my father’s age with a kind smile and sad brown eyes. I liked Gunnar best of all the elders, save my father, of course. “I was simply thinking that this would be easier for everyone if my boy Leif was here.”

I bit my lip to hear Leif’s name. Everyone knew he’d gone crazy after the death of his fiancée. Still…

“But he is not here,” Janna said sharply. “We need solutions. Not wishes. And we need solutions fast.”

“So,” Jokkum said. “We are back to this. Which one of the married men wants to take one for the team?”

I tiptoed away from the door at that, carefully placing my glass on the counter. I kept my steps light so no one would hear me, and then when I was out of ear-shot of even shifter hearing, I ran back to my apartment above the garage, all thoughts of getting a drink refill gone. Despite being twenty-six years old, I still lived with my father. That was just how things were done with the bear clans. I raced up the stairs and shut my door to give myself the semblance of privacy, and leaned against the wall.

I had to leave, at least until the whole mating thing was figured out. I could disappear for a few months. Leave the territory so the males wouldn’t be able to follow my scent, and hide out until my hormones went back to normal. Then I could return…and continue my spinster lifestyle…

…which I hated.

Out of five families that intermarried, I was the only lonely single of the lot. Ramsey Bjorn - damn the man - had been my betrothed. If it was true and he’d taken another mate, that left me out in the cold.

Forever.

I supposed I could always head to the Paranormal Alliance of shifters, like Ramsey had. Find myself a nice werewolf and settle down…but even as I thought it, I knew I didn’t want to.

If I mated outside of the bear clans, I’d be exiled just like Ramsey was. The bloodlines had to be kept strong. And what if I bore a child that wasn’t a were-bear? Would I have to give it up and hand it over to the father’s shifter clan to be raised? What would I do then?

No, mating with another shifter would be messy. I needed a were-bear.

I thought of Jokkum’s offer and shuddered. I didn’t want to be his second wife, or his mistress, or whatever he suggested. Nor did I want to do that for anyone else. No family would want to absorb a second wife, and I didn’t want to share a husband. I thought of the bear clan men, and wasn’t attracted to any of them. That wasn’t an option, either.

I thought of Gunnar’s words. If my boy Leif was here.

I sat on the edge of my bed, thinking. If Leif was here, it would be simple. Ramsey had left me alone and unmated, but Leif’s intended bride had died at eighteen. We were two broken pairs that would naturally be right to stick together. I vaguely remembered Leif; I’d been ten when Katja had died. He had laughing brown eyes, dark hair, and was rangy and tall. I remembered him ruffling my hair as a child.

If he was still alive, he’d be thirty-four.

Unmarried. Unmated.

He’d be perfect.

I…just had to find the man.

I bounded up from my bed and immediately began to pack a bag.

* * *

3 weeks later

“You so owe me.” Mikkel Tolfson shook his head as we stood on the deck of the ship, the Antarctic air crisp and biting. His cheeks were windburned a bright red, but then, so were mine. I liked the air. It felt good against my all-too-frequently-lately flushed skin.

“I don’t owe you shit,” I said easily, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my parka as I leaned into the ocean spray. “You’re my cousin. This is what we do for each other.”

“Yeah, but the clan leaders are going to kill me dead if the find out I’m the one helping you go on this wild goose chase. You know they want you to stay home so someone can come fill you up with baby batter.”

I smacked him on the arm. “Don’t be gross, Mikkel.” But I was laughing. Mikkel was my age, and as mischievous as a naughty boy. He was my favorite cousin, which meant I was able to tolerate his moods despite my increasingly wild ones.

Mikkel was also a traveling photographer, so he had connections and the ability to get away for long periods of time to remote, exotic locations. His connections were what was helping me out at the moment.

We stood on the deck of the small ship, staring out at the remote, icy Antarctic island in the distance.

It was my destination.

Once I’d found out that the clan elders had no plan for my oncoming heat other than “pass her off to someone and get her pregnant,” I decided to take matters into my own hands. I’d left home that evening without telling anyone where I was going…just like Leif had done years ago. Except I didn’t disappear off the map. I knew that wasn’t possible. To get anywhere, you had to have connections or money - or both.

So I used mine. I visited cousins. I told no one about my troubles (though Mikkel had guessed and demanded the truth) and tracked down Leif’s trail. He’d left the Ozarks and wandered for a time. With my savings account, I’d hired private detectives to follow the financial trail he’d left behind so long ago, and had tracked him down to a research expedition down to Antarctica more than ten years ago. He’d been interning for a scientist.

He’d also never returned.

Seeing as how Leif was a bear shifter, I’d had a hunch that he’d gone native - simply transformed into bear shape and never returned. Someplace as remote as Antarctica would allow him to escape notice for a long time, maybe forever.

And so I’d convinced Mikkel that he needed to set his latest photo shoot in the Antarctic, with his lovely cousin Nikolina as his assistant. Nobody would really question the fact that I had no photographic experience, considering I was tall, blonde, and pretty. They’d simply assume Mikkel had hired me for obvious reasons.

So we went to McMurdough Base and while Mikkel set up a shoot, I mingled with all the men. I laughed. I talked. I flirted. I teased. And I asked a lot of questions.

We’d been at McMurdough for less than a week when a drunk Swede had confessed to me that he’d been so high on weed that he’d thought he’d seen a grizzly bear out on one of the islands. I giggled at his story and teased him about seeing leprechauns and unicorns next, and hid my excitement.

A lone grizzly bear? Out here in the Antarctic?

Bingo.

I’d flirted heavily with him to get more information from him. Which island, exactly? Half Moon Island – one with an old base on it that was only inhabited every few years. When had he seen it? A few months ago, he told me…and then proceeded to mansplain about how it was just the drugs. No grizzly would live this far south, he explained to me in a condescending tone, and the only things that lived on that island were chinstrap penguins.

His information had been scattered, but I had enough to go on, and I told Mikkel about my plans the next day. I wanted to go out to Half Moon Island and set up my camp.

Naturally, my cousin didn’t like that idea, but I’d won him over. Mostly.

* * *

“It’s the Antarctic,” he told me for the thousandth time again as we stared at the island in the distance. “You need permission to go anywhere, and we don’t have permission to be poking around there.”

“It’s a deserted island,” I told him. “Just drop me off and we’ll pretend you don’t know where I went.”

“This is nuts, Niko. We can still turn this ship around.”

I merely patted him on the shoulder. “We can’t turn the ship around. And I don’t need permission. Just don’t tell anyone I’m there.”

“Nikolina,” he said patiently. “Come on. Be reasonable.”

“I am being reasonable.”

“No, you’re asking me to abandon you onto a remote Antarctic island for the next six weeks because you want to track down a missing shifter in the hopes that he’ll impregnate you.”

“Well, when you put it that way…”

“Come on. You have to have options.”

I gave him a level stare, my pocketed hands clenching into stubborn fists. “I’m going into heat in the next week or two, Mikkel. So unless you want to be a proud papa, this is the only route I have.”

He blanched at my suggestion. “God, Niko, that’s gross.”

“I know it’s gross,” I said, calmly staring out at the distant snowy island. “That’s why I said it.” We were cousins, but our families were so close we’d been raised as brother and sister more than cousins. The idea was as repugnant to me as it was to him, but I was running out of options. “Look at it this way. I’m a bear shifter. The cold won’t bother me. Considering that my temperature is running a few degrees hotter right now because of the heat thing? It really won’t be a problem for me. I have food supplies enough for two months. There’s an abandoned base. No one’s going to bother me. And if Leif isn’t here, it’ll just be a lonely month for me and I’ll be well out of the way of anyone and everyone that might be affected by the heat.”

Poor Mikkel still looked unconvinced.

I reached out and patted his sleeved arm. “I’ll be fine.”

He shrugged my hand off. “Just, uh, don’t touch me. The heat thing. It makes things…weird.”

I wrinkled my nose, the hoop in my nostril chilly in the brisk weather. “Sorry. I keep forgetting.”

“Me too.” He grimaced. “You sure you’ll be okay?”

“I’ll be perfect.”

And I would be, if Leif was truly actually on Half Moon Island. What I remembered of Leif was vague, but I recalled that he was a kind, dreamy boy. I remembered he’d loved to sculpt figures in wood. I still had one of those tiny figures he’d given to me. It was tucked into my bag at the moment. He was an artist. Polite. Friendly.

Which was ironic, because I was cranky, ballsy, and stubborn. I figured if I met him here, I’d be the one that got my way.

And if I didn’t, well, I had a nice, long solo vacation…and a bullet vibrator.

I sighed, staring out at the lonely island. If he wasn’t out there? It was going to be a long, long heat cycle.

* * *

By the end of the next afternoon, I was on the shore of Half Moon Island, waving goodbye to Mikkel as the ship pulled away. The small inflatable raft I’d used to get to the shore was temporarily parked on the beach, and Mikkel had instructed me to hide it at the abandoned base so no ships passing through the area would see and think the place was inhabited.

If someone did stop in, I had plenty of camera equipment, forged permits from Mikkel that showed I worked for him, and a cover story that I was filming a documentary on chinstrap penguins that inhabited this island.

As I watched the ship pull away, I rubbed my nose. With my shifter sense of smell, I was already trying to pick up the scent of another bear. Unfortunately, all I smelled was penguin and penguin shit. It’d take a few days for my nose to adjust to the ‘common’ scents.

When Mikkel raised a hand to wave, I returned it until I could no longer see him.

Then, I was entirely alone on a remote Antarctic island. Yeah. I grabbed the hauling rope on the front of my raft and began to drag it inland.

* * *

Half Moon Island was pretty. Pretty bleak, that was. There were weird tufts of dried-looking grass stuck between rocks, and there was snow. Lots, and lots of snow. But other than that, it was vast, silent, and empty. There was no sound but the wind and the distant caws of penguins. The beaches were rocky and cold, and I could smell no other inhabitants. I lifted my face to the wind as I walked and circled the island twice, but there were no signs of anything other than an army of chinstrap penguins. There were three long buildings, but I avoided them. I didn’t want the smells of other humans contaminating my nostrils, not when I was trying to find the delicate scent of one particular shifter.

That, and where there were buildings, there was also the possibility of someone showing up to check out those buildings.

So I set up my small tent on a sheltered inlet, between a few large rocks that would protect me from most of the wind and out of sight of the bay. The ground was hard and unforgiving, but I unrolled a small mat for under my sleeping bag. It’d have to do.

I’d been camping dozens of times as a small girl surrounded by a horde of brothers and cousins. I knew how to build a fire and fish, and set up a tent. I wasn’t afraid of being out here on my own.

I was terrified I wouldn’t find what I was looking for. That thought scared me more than anything.

The air was incredibly dry, and my face felt chapped by the end of the first night. The weather was bitterly cold, but as a were-bear, I was more tolerant to the weather than most shifters, and with a heavy jacket on, it wasn’t so bad. I spent my first evening on the island bundled in my tent with my camping blankets tucked around me, an electric lantern set up in the corner as I checked and rechecked the camera equipment I’d brought for my cover story.

Morning came soon enough, and I bounded from my chilly bed and did a quick circle of the island, sniffing for hints of unfamiliar were-bear.

All I smelled were penguins, more penguins, and my own familiar scent.

I was disappointed, but I wouldn’t let it bring me down. I had plenty of time.

Three days passed without luck. Three long, miserable days. If Leif was here, he was acting like most natural bears did and avoiding human contact. My smell - despite the were-bear scent of it - would stink of unknown predator, and he was probably avoiding me.

Time for a new tactic.

* * *

I dug through my laundry, pulling out my dirty clothes. My panties were fragrant with my scent, thanks to the copious filthy dreams I’d been having (which hadn’t stopped now that I was in Antarctica, but had only grown stronger). Just pulling them out of my laundry bag made my small tent saturate with the smell of musky, needy sex. I flushed with embarrassment. God, was this what I smelled like to the other were-bears when I was in heat? That was…awful, and far too intimate. It was a good thing I was far away from everyone at the moment.

I took my hunting knife and ripped the panties into shreds, sucked down my pride, and rubbed them on my groin one last time to get the scent nice and fresh. And then, I scattered the scraps around the island. “Come on, Hansel,” I said bitterly. “Come on and follow Gretel’s breadcrumbs.”

The heat was coming on to me harder and faster with every passing day. If there had been uncertainty before as to whether I was truly going into heat, there was no doubt in my mind now. My breasts ached and I was sensitive to the slightest touches. Just a dirty thought could be incredibly arousing.

If Leif was in the vicinity, he’d smell me and come to check it out. He’d have to. His hormones wouldn’t be able to resist.

The weather was cold, but clear. I elected to sleep outside, just in case Leif could smell me and wanted to come check out the source for himself. I bundled up in my sleeping bag, stared at the bleak, chilly ocean, and waited in the darkness.

Being all alone and on your own is exhausting, though, and I was unable to keep my eyes open. I fell asleep before an hour passed, lulled by the distant sounds of penguins and waves.

My dreams were naughty and full of unfulfilled desire, as usual. It was formless, mindless need. Thanks to the sheltered life I’d led as the were-bear daughter of a bear-clan leader, I was a virgin. The bear clans were not the most forward-thinking of families and certain parts of our lifestyle dated back to, oh, the Middle Ages. Things like arranged marriages and keeping your legs together until your arranged marriage were a given. Anything else and – you guessed it – exile from everything and everyone you knew.

I wasn’t entirely sure why I put up with it.

I guessed because outside of the bear clan…I didn’t have much of anything. It was family, friends, and community all in one. No one left the bear clan.

Well, Ramsey Bjorn did, but I hated him because he was the one that got me into this mess.

I lay back in my sleeping bag and thought about Ramsey, my old betrothed. I supposed I could have been happy with him. My memories of him were vague, just of a tall, unsmiling blond man with shaggy hair and a stubborn streak a mile wide.

Looking back, maybe it was for the best that he’d ended up shacking up with some wolf girl. We’d have probably killed each other within a year. I thought about my cousin Mikkel. Even now he was sailing on an extended photography shoot because he was avoiding his bride, Gerda. Gerda was as tall as she was wide, and clingy. Mikkel…wasn’t a fan.

A rippling breeze dragged at my hair and I burrowed deeper into my sleeping bag, rethinking the wisdom of sleeping out in the open. It was cold. Normally, I just changed into my bear-form at night, because it was toasty-warm and the cold didn’t bother me too much. But changing into bear form also put the kibosh on sexiness and I needed to entice Leif here.

If he was here at all.

Maybe this was just a wild goose chase…wild bear chase…I closed my eyes and shook my head.

While I had hope, I’d keep looking. And if I couldn’t find him…I’d just stay out here until my heat passed…and hope that it wasn’t my one and only shot to have children.

I turned on my side and punched my camping pillow. “You’d better be worth this, Leif.”

Chapter Two

My dreams lately were all extremely dirty ones, and tonight’s dream was no different. Big hands, thick with claws and furred with hair, grabbed at my breasts. They pawed at my clothes, tugging them away from my body. I moaned at the feel of those hands on my body and arched my back, offering my nipples. I wanted them sucked on, teased, stroked, petted. But those hands simply jerked at my clothes, and it didn’t seem quite as sexy as it normally did in my dreams. My pulse was pounding between my legs, and I could feel a heavy weight on top of my own.

Yes, I thought. Yes, finally.

Dream-Nikolina gave a throaty growl in her throat, and it was returned by the male that covered me. The male whose hands tore at my sleeping bag, shoving my ripped clothes down my legs. The male whose hands hadn’t even finished transforming from bear to human…

I came awake with a start when the male flipped me onto my stomach so hard that it knocked the air out of my lungs.

I shook my head to clear it, disoriented. It was dark, pitch dark, nothing but the endless stars above. The only sound was the thick, heavy rasp of breathing. Had I imagined it? Dreamed so hard that I woke myself up?

A moment later, hands — barely hands, almost paws — dragged my hips backward, lifting them. I felt the prod of something hard and hot press against the junction of my thighs, felt claws digging into my hips.

Oh, hell no.

I bucked backward, hard, throwing the heavier weight of the male off of me. Panic flared through my body as I felt his cock shove against my backside, but it didn’t penetrate. I shoved harder, bucking him off.

He rolled off of me with a grunt and scrambled for me, even as I scrambled in the other direction, rolling away. I could smell the scent of unwashed shifter, now, thick with the scent of ocean and penguin and wet fur mixed with the fainter human odors.

Then he was on me again, his weight pressing on my back as he slammed me back to the ground. Again, I felt the thick bar of his erection and felt him try to pull my legs apart.

“Hey! No!” I protested, firmly keeping my legs locked together even as the male tried to mount me. “Leif, no! Get the fuck off of me!”

When there was no response to my entreaty, I rolled to my back and pushed at his chest with my hands. I barely caught a glimpse of wild beard and long, tangled hair before I flung him off of me.

I might be a girl, but female bear shifters were strong. I wasn’t about to let him rape me just because he was lost in the moment.

He scrambled back to his knees and his eyes glinted in the starlight. He hunched over a few feet away from me in the snow, just staring at me. His hands were still mostly bear paws, and his body seemed a too-muscled mix of fur and bear, more shifted than human.

He was a mess.

I clamped my legs together and dragged my torn sleeping bag over my now nearly-naked body. Great plan, genius. Got any other smooth moves up your sleeve? “Back off,” I warned him. My heart was pounding with fear, so loud that I was sure he’d be able to hear it and would decide that he could overtake me anyhow…and I wasn’t sure that he was wrong. “I want you to turn human – fully human – so we can talk about this.”

He stared at me from a distance, and I could see his eyes were still feral, still trying to process what I was saying. It was like he didn’t understand me.

It was like…he’d forgotten how to be human. He’d lost the human half of himself entirely.

That was not good.

“Leif,” I said, when he didn’t move. I gentled my voice. “Leif Ludvik. Do you remember me? It’s Nikolina Aasen. From the Aasen bear clan. You taught me how to ride my bike when I was eight.”

He gave a feral grunt, and then leaned toward me again.

“No,” I said firmly, and held the sleeping bag to my body tighter. “I’ll fight you if I have to. Don’t think I won’t.”

But he stopped. He stopped, and he stared at me for a long moment, eyes glittering in the darkness.

And then he turned and ran from my camp, on all fours, smoothly transforming back to bear form once more.

I trembled with shock, watching him go.

That had not gone how I’d wanted it to. Not at all. Shivering with more than just cold, I gathered the scraps of my sleeping bag and sleep-clothes and went back inside my tent, waiting to see if Leif would come back and attempt to force-mate me again.

I slept with a knife in my hand, just in case he was beyond reason. I’d come seeking Leif because I didn’t want to be forced to have sex with the elderly, the married, or the related. I didn’t come here to be raped.

But Leif didn’t come back.

I put on two layers of pants and piled my torn sleeping bag over my body, and lay in my tent, alert, until dawn came. Still no Leif. Eventually, I slept, and my dreams were full of teeth and claws and men with long, wild beards.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I was in a shitty mood. I hadn’t slept well, because I kept waking up every five minutes at the slightest noise.

A penguin squawked? I woke up.

A rock shifted in the distance? I woke up.

The wind rustled? I woke up, imagining it was Leif coming back to attempt mating me again.

Considering that I was alone with nature? I didn’t get much sleep, and I had Leif to thank for that. I didn’t want to be caught unawares again, especially if he’d gone totally feral.

The last thing I wanted was to be raped by someone in bear form.

I started a fire and boiled some water for coffee. I hadn’t brought much of the instant stuff with me, but I felt like today called for it. I was rattled, body and soul.

I couldn’t deal with a man that didn’t even remember that he was human. I couldn’t. And with me going into heat, I was going to be more and more vulnerable to his attacks. Actually, at some point they wouldn’t even be attacks, because if I needed to mate, I’d welcome his attentions, no matter how rough.

And they were rough, all right. I counted eight scratches across my breasts, one on my cheek, and three bruises on my stomach from when I’d been slammed into the ground. My hips ached, too. All in all, I hurt.

More than that, I was pissed.

Leif was a lost cause. He couldn’t even remember how to turn human anymore. I thought of his hands, still more bear than human, as they’d moved over my skin, trying to get me into position to mate. The gouges he’d left on my skin were from claws.

I’d tried speaking to him, and gotten nothing in return.

I’d have to head home. I had a satellite phone with me and could call Mikkel back from McMurdough. He’d come get me, and then we’d have to figure out something about my heat, somehow. There had to be a solution.

It was obvious I couldn’t stay here.

I began to roll up my torn sleeping bag while I waited for my coffee to brew, dashing frustrated tears from my cold-chapped cheeks. I wasn’t crying out of fear, but out of unhappiness. I’d pinned all of my hopes in the last month on finding Leif, who I’d remembered as quiet, gentle, and artistic. Sweet and loving and kind.

That wasn’t the man I’d ran into last night. And I didn’t want to see that feral man-monster again. I’d just have to go home and figure out what to do, I told myself as I crammed my sleeping bag into a tattered roll. I’d talk with my dad, see what advice he could give.

See who wants to take one for the team.

I shuddered at the memory…and stopped.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

I was stuck.

I wanted my first time to be special. With someone that cared about me and I cared about. Someone that was devoted to me, not just servicing me for the clan’s sake. Someone who didn’t see me as a free lay just because the clan didn’t know what to do with me, but wanted to make sure the baby I had was were-bear.

I hesitated…and unrolled my torn bag. I had to stay. I couldn’t give up on Leif this easily. Even if he frightened me, he’d been half human last night.

I just needed to coax that half to the forefront.

As if my thoughts could summon him to the forefront, I saw the massive bulk of a grizzly bear in the distance. It was heading toward my camp, loping forward through the snow.

I stood, tightening my clothing on my body. It was bitterly cold this morning, but the air was still and dry, with little to no breeze.

As I watched, the bear approached until he got to about fifty feet away. Then, he crouched, stared at me for a long, long moment, and hunched over. Long, tangled brown hair sprouted from his thick neck ruff and I watched his body begin to shift to human.

He was changing.

Surprised, I averted my gaze to give him some privacy. Of all the things I expected to see this morning, this wasn’t it. After last night’s botched mating, I’d expected to have to coax him back out of hiding again.

But here he was, approaching me. Trying to change to human.

It was hard not to feel a bit of hope at that. Maybe this crazy idea would work after all.

When I heard the sound of a footstep crunching on snow, I looked up at Leif again.

He was standing, body erect, and staring down at his spread hands as if they were foreign to him. His fingers were still tipped with claws and furred, but that wasn’t surprising - fingers were always the last things to change and control. As I watched, he raised a hand to his face and touched it - and I noticed his nose was still rather snout-like.

“You probably want to fix that,” I called out helpfully, and gestured at my own face.

He looked over at me, startled, and closed his eyes, concentrating. I watched his skin ripple as he tried to control his shifting. It was clearly a strain for him - I could see a fine sweat on his naked, filthy body.

And I couldn’t help but stare.

Leif was really, really naked. And under all the dirt? Really handsome. I was surprised, though I don’t know why. I guess I’d expected him to be more world-weary and worn, but he was tanned and wiry, his muscles ropy and taut under his skin. If he was a little too skinny, I attributed it to his hard lifestyle of living as a wild animal. His face was covered with a bushy brown beard that jutted several inches from his jaw, and his hair hung in long, matted tangles down to his buttocks. His hips were slim and I averted my gaze when I noticed he had a rather thick - and erect - hard on. I focused instead on his eyes, bright blue in his darkly tanned face.

His nose and fingers were now human, I noticed, and he was carefully touching his face as if to make sure it was. When he was satisfied with what his fingers found, he looked over at me again.

“Hi,” I said softly. I didn’t move. My small fire was between the two of us, and I wasn’t entirely sure what he’d try if I let him get too close. Last night’s attack was still weighing heavily in my mind.

His jaw worked for a moment, he blinked, and then coughed out a “Hi,” back to me.

I smiled, pleased to hear his voice. “You forget how to talk?”

He swallowed hard, grimaced, and dropped to a low crouch again, as if standing erect was hard on him. “Been….awhile.”

“I understand. You need me to give you a moment?”

He shook his head, that long, tangled hair swaying. “I… fine.”

“Okay.” I didn’t move, though. I just dropped into a low crouch, my legs clamped tightly together to tamp down some of the smell of my body. After a moment, I blurted, “You going to attack me again?”

Leif shook his head again, this time savagely. “Lost… control. Came to apologize. Was…not myself.” He looked so disgusted with himself that I couldn’t stifle a smile.

“I noticed,” I said, my tone wry. In truth, I was glad to hear him admit that. If he hadn’t realized his reaction was inappropriate, I’d have been worried. I didn’t mention that my oncoming heat was the reason he’d attacked me.

I didn’t want him to turn and run away all over again once he found out my true intentions. Hi, I’m here to make a baby with you. Yeah, that probably wouldn’t go over so well.

“You’re a bear shifter?” He asked, his voice still slow and creaky, as if he’d forgotten how to speak and the memory was slow to return.

I frowned at that. “You don’t remember me?”

He shook his head, his blue-eyed gaze glassy. He shifted on his bare feet in the snow, and I realized he was probably cold. The Antarctic weather was bitter, even for a shifter. I stood slowly and reached for my torn sleeping bag, then tossed it to him.

Leif watched it roll to his feet, his thick brows wrinkling as he regarded it.

“Put it on,” I said helpfully, and mimed shrugging it around my shoulders.

He watched me for a moment, then did as I instructed, unrolling the bag and then wrapping it around his shoulders. After a moment, recognition dawned and he pulled it tighter around his body. “It’s warm. Thank you.”

“What do you remember?” I asked cautiously.

He thought for a moment, then glanced at my fire. “I remember that smell.”

“Fire?” When he shook his head, I pointed at the small silver pot sitting in the coals. “Coffee?”

A smile creased his mouth, and he flashed white teeth. “Yes, that’s it.”

I was a little dazed by the sheer masculine beauty of that smile, and couldn’t help but smile back. “Do you want some?”

He nodded, and shifted a little closer to the fire, gaze on it.

Well, this was a start. I wasn’t sure how I felt about coffee being the bigger lure than my company, but I’d take what I could get. It was disturbing that Leif didn’t remember me…or how to wear clothes. Or much of anything. I wondered if his mind had been damaged by going totally shifter for the last decade and a half. Most that went native never came back. They just disappeared into the wild and never returned.

Maybe there was a reason they never returned.

I pulled out my one thermos, rinsed it with some clean snow, and poured coffee in. Then, I extended it to him over the small, flickering fire.

He reached for it, and his fingers brushed mine. Warm, strong. His scent brushed over me and I felt a low shiver of pleasure in my belly. That’s the heat talking, Nikolina, I reminded myself. “So you don’t remember me?”

Leif raised the thermos to his mouth and drank. He grimaced at the taste, but then took another sip, as if not quite sure if he liked it or not. I smiled at his reaction. I liked my coffee super strong and bitter, and black as night. He stared down at his cup, and then squinted at me. “I seem to recall this tasting better.”

I chuckled at his displeased expression. “I didn’t bring sugar with me. Sorry.”

He grunted, and then turned his gaze on me, studying my face. I held my breath for a long moment, but then he shook his head. “I don’t remember you.”

“I’m Nikolina. Nikolina Aasen. I was ten when you left.”

“How old are you now?”

Was he not aware of how many years had passed? “I’m twenty-six.”

He stared down at the coffee thermos in his hands for so long that it grew uncomfortable. Then, he looked back up at me. “How old am I?”

I bit my lip. “You were eighteen when you left, so that would make you thirty-four.”

His brows drew down, as if he were surprised to hear that. “I see.”

I wanted to ask him if he remembered why he’d left, but I couldn’t. What if he didn’t remember that Katja had died? What if it broke his heart all over again and he ran once more? I swallowed hard. “Do you remember…anything else?”

“Not much.” He took another sip of coffee and shifted on his feet. I tried not to stare at his junk, dangling between his crouching legs. It was hard not to, though. It was just…out there. And prominent. Leif spoke again. “My memories are clouded. It’s mostly snow…and penguins.”

I smiled at that. “That’s all this island seems to be.”

He nodded. “I don’t think…” he blinked and looked at me, really focused. “I don’t think I like the way they taste.”

I laughed at that, surprised at his rueful admission.

Leif looked startled at my laughter, his muscles tensing. Then, he relaxed, and I watched his eyes crinkle at the corners, and his mouth pulled up into a return smile. “I like that sound.”

That soft flutter returned to my belly, and I clamped my legs tighter together, though for an entirely different reason this time. This time, it was desire.

He stared at me intensely for a long moment, and then his head tilted. “You are wounded.”

I touched the long scratch on my cheek. It throbbed when I thought about it, so I was doing my best not to. “Not badly.”

“Was it…me?” His mouth twisted, the smile disappearing. “Did I hurt you?”

I gave a small nod. I didn’t want to lie to him.

His face fell and he looked down at the coffee thermos in his hands. Very slowly, he set it down on the far side of the fire. Then, he stood, shrugging off the sleeping bag.

“Wait,” I said, “don’t go.” We were making progress.

But when I got to my feet, he loped away and began to change.

Frustrated, I dropped back down to my crouch and stared at his retreating figure, already turning into his bear form within a few paces. Damn it. Leif’s psyche was fragile. I’d have to tread carefully with him. I needed to get him to return, and coax him into spending more time in human form with me.

I picked up the coffee thermos and finished it off. Tomorrow, I’d brew more coffee and see what I could prepare in my supplies bag that might entice him back out for a visit.

* * *

The next morning, the scent of were-bear shifter was heavy over my campsite. I’d slept in my tent after stitching back together the pieces of my sleeping bag, and the fact that Leif had been exploring while I slept but hadn’t bothered me was pleasing. It meant he was aware of who I was and was curious enough to keep returning.

That was a good sign.

Pleased, I broke out some of my supplies and dug through them, trying to figure out what I could make over a fire. I’d stashed some chocolate away - I was hormonal thanks to the heat, and so it had seemed like a great idea. I dug out some of the chocolate and made a new pot of coffee - a bit weaker this time, in anticipation of Leif’s return. And then, I stirred a bit of my precious chocolate into the coffee and let it melt, sweetening it.

I didn’t drink it. I waited for Leif to show.

And waited.

And waited. While I waited, I pulled out my small sewing kit and tightened the stitches on my sleeping bag. I’d hastily stitched it last night but found that even the smallest gaps let the frigid air in, so I was busy re-stitching it and tightening it.

Just as I was finishing my stitches, the wind shifted and I caught the scent of were-bear on the breeze. I dropped my sewing and lifted my head, just in time to see a large mass of brown moving in the snowy hills in the distance.

“Leif?” I called out.

No response.

“Leif? I made some coffee for you again. It tastes better today, I promise,” I called. Could he even understand me when he was shifted? I could understand English just fine when I was in my bear form, but I also hadn’t spent sixteen straight years in that form.

But to my relief, Leif appeared - human Leif - a few minutes later. He looked uncertain, lurking around the edges of the camp as if afraid to come closer. His eyes watched me warily, and they were the eyes of a feral predator once more, almost all humanity gone from them.

I patted the sleeping bag next to me in invitation. I spread it out like a picnic blanket and then put the thermos of chocolate-sweetened coffee down on the center of it, and unscrewed the lid so he could catch the smell. I’d had to dump nearly a full bar of chocolate to sweeten the drink properly, but the scent that wafted up was rich and thick.

He hesitated only a moment, and then moved to sit on the blanket, wrapping his hands around the thermos. He sipped it, then closed his eyes in pleasure. “Nikolina,” he groaned.

I was startled to hear my name said like that. I supposed that was his way of saying thank you, but it was…odd. Pleasing, but odd. “You’re welcome,” I told him, and then shifted to pull the blanket around his shoulders to protect him from the biting wind. It was bitterly cold despite the sunshine and I was wearing several layers of clothing. Seeing Leif naked like that made me concerned for frostbite, despite his were-bear nature. “Do you want something to eat?”

He studied my face for a long moment, and then nodded. “If you…if you have it to spare.”

“I do.” I’d brought plenty of protein bars with me. They weren’t exciting food, but they were compact and I was able to bring a lot of them. I unwrapped a chocolate-flavored one and offered it to him, since he seemed to have a sweet tooth.

Leif took it and ate it quickly, wolfing it down. It concerned me to see him scarf the food, and I wondered if it had more to do with starvation than a lack of manners. He said he didn’t like penguin, but there wasn’t much more on this island than penguins. Maybe that was why he was so lean. “Do you want another?”

At his nod, I gave him another and watched him eat. When he was done, he returned to sipping his coffee, his gaze on me.

I didn’t move. Simply watched him and smiled encouragingly.

After a long moment, he reached out and touched my cheek with one dirty finger, caressing me. “I’m sorry.”

About the scratch there? It was almost gone. “Don’t’ worry about it,” I told him. “It’s healing up. And you weren’t in your right mind.”

I knew what that was like. Going in heat was more than a little alarming, because my body was so…hungry for it. I feared what I’d be acting like in another two weeks or so when the heat truly hit me. As shifter females, we had a fairly long lead time up to our heat. I supposed it was so we could make the proper preparations, but it also meant there was a lot of time to worry and anticipate.

Leif’s fingers continued to caress the curve of my cheek, the pads cool and rough on my skin. His gaze seemed to darken with intensity. “Nikolina,” he whispered again.

I shivered at the way he said my name. It sounded so…intense. Emotional. “Can I show you something?” I asked him.

He nodded.

Even though it pained me to pull away from his gentle touch, I stood and moved to my tent, digging out the small wooden carving I’d brought with me. I sat back down next to him and held it out.

It was a small wooden carving of a female bear with a tutu on her waist, balancing on a ball.

He took it from me, and wonder flashed across his face. A smile broke out. “I remember this.”

My breath caught. “You do?”

“I do…” He thought for a long moment, and then looked at me. “I remember a girl with pigtails and a pink tutu. She was pouting because her cousins could shift into bear form and she couldn’t yet.”

I swallowed hard, my heart aching at the memory. “And you carved this figurine and gave it to me because you wanted me to feel better.”

“I remember,” he said with a nod. He glanced over at me, and his hand went to my hair, twisted into two long braids at the sides of my face. “It’s almost the same color as before.”

“Almost,” I said, smiling. “My family is born blonde and stays blonde.”

His long fingers moved across my face, and brushed at the gold ring in my nostril. “I don’t remember this, though.”

I laughed. “I went through a rebellious phase.”

“Why?”

I hesitated at that soft, blunt question, and then decided to answer it honestly. “My fiancée, Ramsey, was cast out of the bear clans until he apologized. He was fifteen. It didn’t look like he’d ever come back to marry me, so I decided I’d do what I wanted. I pierced my nose and dyed my hair black.”

He studied me for a moment longer, and his fingers continued to caress my face. “But your hair’s not black anymore.”

“It’s not,” I agreed. “It looked awful. But I liked the nose ring, so I kept it.”

“How long did it take for Ramsey to come back for you?”

The question hurt more than I thought it would. “He…he didn’t come back.” Tears pricked at my eyes, the ache of rejection still as painful now as it had been on the first day. “He mated a wolf-shifter.”

“Then he’s a fool,” Leif said simply. His fingers brushed at the tears that threatened to freeze to my lashes. “And he’s not worth your pain.”

“I know,” I told him. “But it’s a hard thing to forget.”

A wry smile curved his mouth. “I seem to be good at forgetting.”

I almost agreed with him, but held back. It seemed impolite to point out just how much he’d forgotten. I wanted to ask him what he remembered of why he’d run away, but it seemed he didn’t want to bring it up, and I was reluctant to be the one to approach the topic. “How are you feeling today?”

His hand dropped, and he picked up his mug again. Drank. Thought. Then he looked at me. “I’m troubled.”

“Troubled?”

He nodded. “I figure something bad must have happened for me to come so far away and hide.”

Oh. “It did,” I said softly.

“What was it?”

“You sure you want me to tell you?”

“I’m not sure at all,” he said. “But I also wonder why you’re here, after sixteen years.”

I’m going into heat and I need a were-bear mate and you’re the only one left that’s not sixty or related. But the words lodged in my throat. “You can’t guess why I’ve come?”

He shook his head, his tangled hair flying. He looked like a wild man in that moment, so feral that I again questioned my sense in coming here. “I should know, though, shouldn’t I?” He tipped the thermos up and finished it, then offered it back to me. “Don’t tell me anything, actually. I want to see what comes back on its own.”

I nodded. “And if it doesn’t come back?”

“Then it might be a blessing,” Leif said. He stretched and got to his feet, and then gave me a shy smile before turning to leave once more.

I let him go, my thoughts muddy and confused. Part of me wanted to hold on to him, to have him stick around so we could keep talking…but Leif knew there was a problem. He knew me being here wasn’t normal, and needed to figure it out.

Because if he didn’t remember Katja’s death, it was going to come as a shock to him all over again….and I didn’t want to be the one to blurt it out.

I didn’t know what to do.

So I watched him go and said nothing.

He didn’t return that day, but the next morning, when I awoke, I found that a blocky, crude bear had been sculpted into the snow on one of the ridges near my camp.

Upon seeing it, I laughed and clapped my hands. So there was hope after all.

Chapter Three

Every day for the next week, Leif stopped by for breakfast. I sweetened his coffee with all of my chocolate and shared my protein bars with him. If I ran out of supplies, well, I’d just go home that much earlier. Each day that Leif showed up, he was a little more coherent, a little more alert, and stayed a little longer. I took out my sewing kit and let out the seams in some of my clothes, cobbling a few shirts together to give him a piecemeal top and a pair of (admittedly) ugly pants to wear. I made him a pair of booties out of pieces of my sleeping bag. I was tearing through my supplies, but that was okay, too. I felt like progress was being had, and anything I could do to turn Leif a bit more human, I was all for it.

Having him around camp was far more enjoyable than I’d expected. There was a shyness to Leif, but also an alpha rawness to his mannerisms. It was like he was deliberately being careful around me, conscious of the fact that he’d hurt me while mindless. Now, he seemed just as determined to treat me with kid gloves. Every morning, I’d wake up and find a new sculpture left in a snow drift nearby - a penguin, a reindeer, a mermaid…and the mermaid had looked like me, right down to my braids and nose-piercing. I’d laughed with delight at the sight of it. Leif was finding his artistry again, and in doing so, seemed to be finding himself.

It had been several days since I’d had the opportunity to bathe, though, and I was feeling grimy. I’d noticed little rings of dirt under Leif’s nail beds as well, and decided that both of us could use a bit of a cleaning. Of course, being that it was the Antarctic, it was difficult to get the urge to bathe when it was so chilly outside.

Still, I could do with a quick sponge bath, and I suspected that Leif would, too, if I threw it out there.

So the next morning, I woke up earlier than normal. I heated water on my fire and rushed it back to my tent, and then stripped down. I scrubbed myself with a wet cloth and a bar of soap, and then undid my braids, wet my hair, and washed it as well. It wasn’t the best bath I’d ever had, but I felt cleaner - and smelled cleaner - than I had in days. By the time Leif arrived for his morning coffee, I was re-braiding my wet hair.

He shifted before coming into camp, and as he did, I laid out his clothes that I’d made for him. We’d fallen into a bit of a pattern. I made coffee, Leif showed up, dressed, and we chatted for a bit before he left again.

As he dressed, I watched his nostrils flare, and he looked over at me, eyes narrowing. “What’s that smell?”

“Honeysuckle?” I smiled at him. “My soap is scented. You want to sniff?” I offered him one of my newly-cleaned braids.

To my surprise, he leaned in and smelled my throat, his face so close to my skin that I could feel his breath on me.

My body instantly reacted to his nearness. My nipples hardened, and my pulse sped up. A warm flush of desire covered me and I began to breathe harder. I suspected that if I touched myself between my legs, I’d be slick with need.

All of that from a simple sniff.

There was no question I was attracted to Leif. He was gorgeous. It wasn’t just that he was a were-bear and one of the few I could consider as a mate. It was his sleek, tanned build, the tight buttocks that I saw every morning, the gleam in his amused blue eyes…I just liked everything about him. I liked his artistic spirit, I liked his sensitive side, and I liked that he was regaining a sense of humor. I remembered having a crush on him when I was ten years old. That crush was returning, and returning hard.

“Smells good,” he said after a long moment. “I haven’t smelled flowers in a long time.”

“I still have some soap and water,” I said, hating the shiver in my voice that gave away my emotions. “You want to get clean, too?”

Leif held his hands out and grimaced. “I’m not good company like this, am I?”

“You are,” I said breathlessly. And when that sounded too intimate, I forced myself to give his arm a friendly pat. “Come on. Let’s go into my tent.”

I took the last of the heated water from the fire and headed into my small dome tent. We were both too tall to stand upright in it, so I sat down on my nest of blankets and patted next to me, indicating that he should do the same.

Leif sat down in front of me and folded his long legs, and then scooted forward. His knees touched mine, and I tried not to stare at his nakedness. He hadn’t put on his clothing yet, and when he crossed his legs, his entire body was exposed to me. Shifters weren’t supposed to be prudish about naked bodies. I’d seen everyone in the bear clan naked time and time again. Shifting just didn’t allow for modesty. But this was the man that I was planning on mating - he just didn’t know it yet. So every time his cock was exposed to my gaze, I got a little flustered. Maybe that would go away once my virginity did, but for now, it was still a problem.

As if he noticed my attention, his cock stirred and began to harden. Oh. I knew it was the proximity to me, and my oncoming heat. My scent filled the small tent, embarrassing me. Leif didn’t say anything, though. He was trying very hard to ignore any physical attraction to me, and I knew it was because our first meeting had gone so very badly.

I sat the hot water bucket nearby and dipped my cloth into it, wrung it out, and then gestured for Leif to turn around. “Why don’t I do your back?” Anything to not have to stare down his erection.

He obediently turned around and presented me with his back. His long, matted hair wandered down his spine, brushing at his buttocks, and I considered it as I lathered up the bar of soap. “Do you want to cut this mess off or just wash it?”

“You have scissors?” The pleasure in his voice told me the answer.

“I have a hunting knife,” I told him. “Want me to do the honors?”

“Please,” he murmured, and his voice was husky. His spoken language was so much better now that he’d been practicing again. You’d never realize that he’d had to struggle the first few days to even put sentences together.

I was thrilled that Leif was returning to normal. Every step made him a little bit closer to mine.

I fisted my hand into his mane, gathering it at the base of his neck. The scent of him filled my nostrils - not filthy like I’d expected, but warm and earthy and pleasant. I pulled my knife out of my leg sheath and began to saw at his hair. A moment later, his yard-long locks were in my hand, and the hair left on his head brushed his bare nape.

“Much better,” I murmured and watched with appreciation as he rotated his shoulders, flexing.

“I already feel lighter.”

“You should,” I told him, tossing aside the hanks of hair. “I think you just lost a few pounds in knotted hair.” I picked up the soap and cloth again, lathered them one more time, and then began to wipe at his wiry shoulders.

He groaned with pleasure as soon as the cloth touched his skin.

I froze.

The sound he’d made…it made my entire body come alive. Need throbbed in my body, and I fought back the urge to whimper in response. My nipples brushed against the fabric of my clothing, and my skin tingled.

I couldn’t let Leif know, though. Gritting my teeth, I continued to stroke the cloth over his shoulders, wiping away trails of grime as he flexed and shifted in place, trying to subconsciously lead me to the itchy spots. I followed along with his squirming, though I admit that I was probably washing him slower than I should have been. I was just so fascinated with his corded body. Every bit of him was lean muscle, sinewy and full of strength. He radiated heat, and now that I was washing him with honeysuckle soap, he smelled like a mix of flowers, were-bear, and…Leif. I was fascinated by touching him, and unable to stop myself. When I was satisfied with how clean his back was, I continued to wash him, moving to his arms and dipping and scrubbing at my cloth repeatedly to keep it wet and soapy. It wasn’t the only thing wet; I was pretty sure my panties were soaked and they had nothing to do with the bathwater. But, oh god, Leif was pretty, and touching him was sheer joy. I couldn’t help myself.

My wet fingers trailed down one muscular bicep, and I sucked in a breath when it flexed in response.

Leif looked over his shoulder at me, and his eyes were slitted, his expression impossible to read under that growth of heavy beard. “Want to do my front for me?”

I blushed.

That was forward of him. And yet…wasn’t this entire bath thing a little forward? I knew he was turned on just by looking at him, and he’d know I was turned on just by smelling my scent. I considered for a moment, but I wanted to do his front more than anything. So I swallowed hard and said, “Turn around.”

He did…and those blue eyes seemed to glitter as they focused on my face. I dipped the washcloth again, noticing that the water was getting cooler — and dirtier - by the minute. But I continued to soap it, and when it was ready, I reached out and pressed the cloth against the base of Leif’s neck, against his pulse.

He swallowed, and I watched his Adam’s apple bob just inches from my wet fingers. My hands moved on his chest, soaping with one hand and exploring with the washcloth with the other. This was incredibly erotic, and I suspected that we both knew we’d gone from ‘bath’ to ‘foreplay.’

But neither one of us was stopping the other.

It was impossible to ignore the hard length of his cock that jutted from his crossed legs. It pointed upward, the shaft thick and throbbing, the crown a deep purple. I kept glancing at it, fascinated despite myself, and my soaping hands slid lower, brushing over Leif’s stomach and hips, and then moving down his thighs.

He didn’t stop me, just remained completely still while I explored him. I wondered how much he’d let me dare. It was just the two of us on this island, in this tent, in the world. There was only Leif and myself.

In that moment, I felt incredibly connected with him, and intensely aroused.

So I soaped up my washcloth one more time, dropped the bar of soap into the water, and then placed both hands on his straining erection.

Leif groaned. His hands moved forward and grasped my shoulders, and the next thing I knew, he was kissing me, his lips mashing to my own.

I was so startled that I couldn’t respond at first. I just sat there while his mouth moved over mine.

He seemed to realize that I wasn’t kissing him back as boldly as I’d touched him. The kiss changed, gentled, and his tongue flicked against my lips in a silent question.

I opened my mouth to his, my answer to that question an unequivocal yes.

Leif’s kiss became deeper, gentler. His tongue stroked against mine and I moaned at the feel of his mouth, the wiry bristle of his beard against my cheeks. The need banked in my body had turned into a full-fledged roar, and my wet hands tightened around his cock, holding him as we kissed. His hands dragged over my breasts, cupping them and then teasing the nipples, trying to give me the same pleasure I was giving him in return.

Oh god, Leif’s mouth felt so good on mine. I sucked on his tongue as it slid against my own, thinking how perfect he was for me. He’d be ideal for my heat. He’d…

I pulled away so fast that our lips made a wet sound as we separated. And I stared at him in horror.

He had no idea why he was responding to me like this. Just being around me was going to arouse him, because of the state my body was in. And I felt…ashamed at that.

Leif didn’t even remember that he was in mourning, and here I was, molesting him to suit my own needs.

God, that made me a shitty person.

My hands slid off of him as guilt surged to the forefront. “Why don’t you finish cleaning yourself?” I said, jumping to my feet. I sounded breathless. “I think I need some air.”

And I turned out of the tent and ran.

I hated myself for being so manipulative to Leif. He didn’t remember the last sixteen years. For all intents and purposes, he was a widower, wasn’t he? And here I was with my heat-scent, shoving it under his nose and trying to get him to mate me.

If I was a decent sort of person, I’d remind him of his grief, allow him to get it out in the open, and see how it was affecting him. If he was beside himself with sadness, then I’d know he didn’t want me. If he truly seemed like he’d had time to grieve, then maybe I could continue with my plan. I’d then tell him my problem and ask him how he wanted to logically proceed. Did he want to give a mating a go with me? Or did he want to return to the wild and continue grieving Katja?

The sad thing was…I was terrified of his answer. What if he wasn’t over her? I didn’t know if I could compete with the memory of a dead girl, and so I kept things from him.

It was awful and wrong to withhold information from Leif, and I couldn’t seem to help myself. I shoved my wet hands into the pockets of my coat and paced down the beach, waiting for my body temperature to cool a bit.

I walked for hours, circling the island. Leif didn’t catch up with me, didn’t even come out to see if I was okay. When I returned to my tent, the water had been disposed of, the bathing items cleaned and put away. Leif was gone.

Damn it.

I wondered if I’d chased him off for good. If he came back, I resolved, I would tell him everything.

No more secrets. I had to make sure Leif knew his reaction to me was purely driven by hormones. That he wasn’t attracted to me. That he’d left because his beloved Katja had died.

Once he had the truth, then he could decide how he wanted to handle my heat, instead of me deciding for him.

As much as I hated it, it had to be done.

* * *

That next morning, I woke up to an ice sculpture of a whale. It looked as if it were cresting a wave, riding a snowy embankment. The sight of it was a good sign, though. It meant Leif was still in there, and he wasn’t mad at me.

Yet.

Still made me feel better, though.

* * *

To my relief, Leif returned a few hours later.

The bear lumbered into camp like nothing had happened, and just outside of the small circle of my encampment, he crouched and began to change to his human form. I placed his clothes out for him, and as soon as he shifted to a man, he immediately began to dress.

I tried not to stare at him as he did, but failed.

Leif had shaved. Not only had we cut his long hair, but he’d cut it even closer to his scalp and shaved his face with my knife. Bristle curved the strong lines of his jaw, but the long, crazy beard was gone.

Leif was gorgeous. Young, strong, and delicious. My hormones sang in response when his attention fixed on me, and the firm lines of his jaw clenched. Without the beard, his nose seemed to dominate his face, a bit too long and prominent to make him model-beautiful, but I liked the look of his face.

I liked everything about him. I was so screwed.

He stared at the fire, and I obediently scooped the last of my instant coffee into the thermos, waiting for the water to heat. Leif had gone through my luxury supplies faster than I’d anticipated, but I hadn’t minded in the slightest. It gave me pleasure to see the look on his face as he re-discovered things as small as protein bars or even a broth-flavored tea. I was sure that a lot of that was my crush on him, but I was powerless to oppose it, thanks to my heat-frenzied hormones.

Leif was silent, though. We both stared at my small fire, not saying anything. The faint crackle of burning driftwood was the only sound in the camp, along with the distant calls of the chinstrap penguins. I no longer even noticed them; they avoided my camp. It smelled too much like predator.

“Storm’s coming,” Leif said after a long moment. “A big one. Lots of snow. You should find shelter.”

I squinted up at the gray skies. They looked pretty much the same as every other day here. It was cold, and dry, and blustery. Typical Antarctic day. “How can you tell?”

He tapped the side of his big nose. “I can smell it. There’s a subtle change on the breeze.” He nodded at the penguins. “And they’re scattering, heading for shelter.”

“Oh.” If the penguins were leaving, that was probably bad.

“You should go,” he said.

That made me bristle. Such a very final sort of comment. You should go, indeed. “I have a tent,” I said stubbornly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why not?”

“I’m staying here until the boat returns.”“You can’t. You have no shelter.”

“I have a tent.”

“Your tent won’t be enough.” He gestured at the cove. “There’s buildings in that direction. If you must stay, go into one of those. I’ll help you gather wood. With both of us working on it, you should have enough for a small fire to keep you warm.”

If you must stay? Don’t sound so thrilled.

I couldn’t help but notice he was talking about fire keeping me warm, not us warm. “What about you?”

“I’ll be fine in bear form. I’m used to this sort of thing.” He squinted. “I have a den an island or two over. It’s warm enough.”

He was going to ride out a big storm in bear form? “How long do you think the weather will last?”

“Few days. Maybe a week. Like I said, it’s not safe and you should go.” His blue eyes watched me carefully, revealing nothing.

I suspected that if Leif went back to bear form for a week straight, he might not return. His memory was full of holes as it was. “Why are you trying to get rid of me?” I asked in a stiff voice. It hurt that he was trying to chuck me off of the island. It was almost like he didn’t want me here.

His blue eyes finally showed an expression - surprise. “I’m not trying to get rid of you, Nikolina. I’m trying to protect you.” He watched me pour water into the thermos. “I’ve been selfish and eaten half your supplies, and you’ve been making me clothes out of your own things. You don’t have a lot of things left. I’m concerned for your safety.”

He was right about that - I was down to two changes of clothing, and less than half of my food. My sleeping bag was so tattered and abused that I had to hold it together while I slept.

But…I didn’t want to leave. I was going into heat so very soon. I couldn’t call Mikkel back now. If I did, my cousin would throw me down on the ground and try to mate me.

Which would be utterly disgusting for both of us.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I repeated.

“Why?”

“My…project isn’t done.” I needed to tell him the truth, but the words weren’t coming out of my mouth. Not yet.

“No project is more important than your safety.”

“You’re right,” I said, thinking of my cousin being (shudder) overcome by my mating heat. “That’s why I’m staying.”

Leif snarled and got to his feet, pacing, the coffee I’d made for him forgotten. “Why are you being so stubborn?”

“Why are you acting like you have any say in what I do?” I retorted.

“I’m acting like a man that wants to mate you,” he roared at me. “I thought that was obvious, Nikolina!”

I reeled, stunned by his words…and his anger. “Mate me?”

He approached me again, knelt down beside me in his mismatched, piecemeal clothing that I’d made him, and his hand cupped my cheek. “What we shared yesterday in your tent—“

Oh god. He’d probably been overcome by my mating hormones. Guilt flooded me. “It was just a bath,” I said, feeling panicky.

“It wasn’t just a bath,” he bit out. “I want you, Nikolina. I—“

I jerked away from him, hot, emotional tears pouring down my cheeks. “That’s just it, though,” I cried. “You don’t really want me.” It was time to tell him the truth.

“Yes, I do want you—“

“No, you don’t,” I said. “Not really. You want Katja, remember?”

He reeled at my words, and it was like I’d struck him. I watched his magnificent blue eyes dilate as memories flashed through his mind. “K-katja?”

“That’s right,” I said, choking back a sob. “Katja.” I dragged one of my packs close and pulled out the photo I’d brought with me for this specific purpose, a photo of a teenage Leif and Katja, their faces pressed together as they embraced. I held it out to him. “I know you don’t remember a lot of things, but you’ll want to remember her.”

He took the photo from me and stared at it.

“That’s who you want,” I said bitterly. “Not me. I’m just here manipulating you and flirting with you and making you think you want me. Okay? And I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, but I wanted to tell you. It’s not fair, but I thought you should know. She’s why you’re here. Do you remember now?”

Leif simply stared at the photo, not saying anything.

I rushed on, determined to get it all out before I broke down and started weeping like a hormonal girl about to go into her first heat.

Which I was.

“Katja died sixteen years ago,” I said softly. “You were supposed to marry her as soon as the two of you graduated. But she died, and you, I don’t know, lost your mind. You ran away from the bear clans and came here, and you went crazy or something. You’ve been in bear form for the last sixteen years, and she’s the reason why. And if you can’t remember her, you deserve to remember that at least.” I tapped the photo. “Trust me. Katja’s the one that you want, and I’m sorry, but I’m not her.”

Leif very calmly set the photo down. He stood up, looked at me with terrible, haunted eyes. Then, he peeled off his makeshift clothing and left camp, transforming back into his bear form.

I picked up the picture and tucked it back into my things, unable to stop the silent sobs that shook me.

I’d just broken Leif all over again. Like a bitch, I’d made him remember Katja, just so I wouldn’t feel guilty about his need for me. Need that I’d forced on him.

I’d driven Leif away again, just when he was so close to returning to his old self. Damn it.

* * *

There was no ice sculpture that night.

* * *

Leif didn’t show up to visit the next morning. That was fine with me. I was in a rotten mood, given that the heat was oncoming and I’d just picked a fight with my best chance at relief from the misery. It was wretched, my body aching and sensitive to the slightest touches, and no respite in sight. I felt feverish, so instead of taking Leif’s advice and finding one of the abandoned buildings and filling it with firewood, I made soup and crawled back under my blankets, sleeping the day away. I woke up at night to see the skies clear and utterly crisp, the air chilly.

I snorted at the intense stars. Storm, my ass. He was just trying to get rid of me, wasn’t he? Wrapping my blankets tighter around my body, I went back to bed.

The next morning I woke up…and moaned. My head pounded and my body flared up at the slightest touch. Between my legs, my skin felt as if it was throbbing and pulsing. And I ached deep within.

I was officially in heat.

It was awful. I mewed in agony and panted as I dragged the blankets off of my body. My breasts ached and swelled, and I brushed my fingertips over my nipples, hissing at the sensitivity of them. Everything hurt.

I had to do something to take the edge off.

Feebly, I dug in my bag, looking for the bullet vibrator I’d brought with me. The moment I touched it, though, I hissed. It was metal, and metal in the Antarctic was a bad idea. If I stuck it to my clit, it’d be the equivalent of sticking my tongue against a frozen flag pole.

Damn it, why had I not thought this through?

Moaning in agony, I pulled out the small first aid kit I’d brought with me. I’d brought some sleeping pills in case of emergency - as in, if I couldn’t find Leif, maybe I could sleep through the worst of the heat. I popped two, swallowed them dry, and crawled back under the blankets. My hands automatically stole to my sex and I rubbed at my aching clitoris. I was incredibly slick and wet, but no amount of friction could get me off.

I needed to be mated. This was worse than I’d even imagined.

Luckily, the sleeping pills kicked in and I eventually fell asleep, my hands between my legs.

Even my sleep was restless. Hot, wet dreams filled my mind, and Leif starred in every single one of them. Leif’s head, moving between my thighs as he licked my clit. Leif’s fingers, pushing into the well of my sex. Leif dragging me onto my stomach, pulling my hips into the air so he could thrust into me from behind. Dream Leif was rough, but I didn’t care. I cried out with every dream-thrust, but nothing seemed to ease the ache deep inside my body.

“God damn it, Nikolina,” he rasped in my ear. “Why’d you have to be so stubborn?”

The world surged around me, and I struggled to wake up. Somehow, my brain was mixed up, because I could have sworn Leif was in my tent, lifting me into his arms. Leif wrapped me in my sleeping bag and dragged me out of my tent, and an icy blast of snowy air pummeled my face. “Hold on to me,” Leif said, and I clung to him.

Or tried to. The sleeping pills were too potent and I slid back into unconsciousness.

Chapter Four

My sex was a red-hot brand of need. I slid my fingers to it and touched it, determined to ease the ache there.

“Damn it, Nikolina,” I heard Leif rasp, and his hands grabbed at mine. “Don’t do that with me sitting here.”

I sighed a protest, my hips lifting off of the mattress as if I could follow the hand being pried from my skin.

…Mattress?

My brain fuzzy, I sat up, panting, and tried to make sense of what my brain was feeding me. There was a low, whistling roar in my ears, followed by the sound of what seemed like air beating on sheet metal. I smelled - and heard - a crackling fire. And Leif. I smelled Leif.

I could feel the soft weight of my sleeping bag covering my naked body and I was laying on a cot in what seemed to be a dark cabin. I blinked my eyes at the wooden rafters above my head, and glanced around, looking for light. There was a hole in one corner of the building, and I saw snow drifting in on the far side.

“Leif?” I murmured, confused. I rubbed a hand across my eyes and the smell of my own sex nearly drowned me. It was all over my hands, and my body. Need - aching female arousal - perfumed the air.

“I’m here,” he told me, and a shadow fell over my cot once more. His hands tucked the sleeping bag closer to my body.

“What…what are you doing here?” My hands twitched, and I curled them into fists so I wouldn’t reach for him and drag him against me. God, he smelled amazing. God, I wanted to fuck him so badly. “You should go.”

“There’s a blizzard outside,” he snarled. “Why didn’t you leave?”

“Can’t,” I gasped. “Why’d you stay?”

“For you,” he sounded incredibly frustrated. As I looked up at him in a daze, he raked his hand through his hair. “Why are you doing this, Nikolina?”

“I have to tell you the truth, Leif.” I clutched at the blankets, miserable. “I’m in heat.”

He stared at me for so long that I wondered if he’d even heard me. The wind was roaring outside, rattling the walls of the ramshackle building. Then, he shook his head. “I know you’re in heat. It’s obvious to any shifter with a nose. God, did you think I wasn’t aware of that?”

I gazed up at him in horror. “You knew?”

“You’ve been throwing off intense amounts of scents for the past week, Nikolina. I’d have to be dead not to notice.”

Mortification swept over me, and I covered my face with my hands and moaned. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

Was he truly not getting it? “I came here looking for you.” When he said nothing, I peeked through my fingers and saw him gazing down at me with a wry half-smile, the blue of his eyes blazing. “What?”

“How clueless do you think I am?”

I swung a fist at him - and missed. “Considering you’d forgotten how to speak English last week? Pretty fucking clueless.”

“Okay, fair point,” he said, stepping back out of my reach. “But you’re the first person that’s come looking for me in sixteen years. You’re an old family friend, and a bear shifter going into heat. It’s not hard to put the pieces together, even for my scrambled mind.”

He knew…and he knew I was an awful person. Because I’d known he was grieving, and I still came after him, waving my pheromones under his nose so he’d have to pay attention. It was selfish. I’d manipulated him until we were both backed into a corner. “This is wrong,” I told him.

“Does it matter at this point?”

Hot tears began to seep from my eyes again because no, it really didn’t matter at this point. Our paths were set since my heat was here. I didn’t have any other options, and since Leif hadn’t abandoned me, he’d have no option either.

“Nikolina,” Leif said, and he sat on the edge of the rickety cot. His hand cupped my jaw and brushed my cheek, the feel of his skin against mine so sweet that it started a new round of tears. “Don’t cry. What is it that you want from me?”

His tone of voice was so kind and understanding that I felt even worse. I sobbed. “I want a mate. I want you to come home with me. I want us to be accepted by the clans as a mated couple. I’m tired of being a spinster.” Of being so utterly alone and unwanted.

Leif’s thumb continued to stroke my cheek. “And this is that important to you that you’d risk your life - and the possibility of your child - to come after me?”

“It’s what I’ve always wanted,” I said between hiccuping sobs. To be accepted and loved instead of rejected? To have my own family of people that cared for me instead of a father who was more interested in clan politics than his daughter?

That was my dream – unconditional love.

His thumb brushed my cheek, followed the curve of my mouth. After a long moment, he said, “Sometimes what we think we want is not always the truth of the matter.”

My cheek followed the light touch of his fingers, leaning into his palm. It was hard to concentrate on his words - his fingers were on my face but they might as well have been between my legs, diving against the slick, needy flesh there. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” he told me softly. “I’m simply talking because I’m nervous.”

I frowned at that, even as his thumb brushed over my mouth and I bit down on the tip. “Nervous?” I asked breathlessly. He was delicious and I wanted him so badly. I flicked my tongue over his fingertip. Why was biting on his thumb so incredibly erotic?

His gaze seemed glued to my mouth, to where I licked and sucked at his thumb. “It’s my first time, too.”

I stilled. “Um…what?”

“I said, it’s my first time.” And he had the gall to smile at me.

I struggled to sit upright, pulling away from him so I could think without his touch driving me nuts. I stared at his handsome face, unable to believe what I was hearing. “Are you kidding me?”

As I watched, his ears turned bright red. “Why would I joke? Why is it bad? It will be special for both of us.”

I wanted to cry all over again. “It’s bad because I want one of us to know what the hell we’re doing!”

Leif laughed at my expression. He slid a bit closer on the bed, and I automatically shied away, because my body wanted to fling him down on the rickety cot and do bad, nasty things to him. “I’m a guy, Nikolina. I have instincts. I think I can figure out what goes where. And I can think of plenty of things I’ve been picturing doing to you.”

That made my breath catch in my throat. “You’ve been picturing doing things to me?”

“Are you kidding?” His hand moved back to my jaw and he brushed his fingers along it. “You’re incredibly beautiful. You’re strong and brave…and I’m a thirty-four year old man that has never had sex. Of course I’m imagining all kinds of things to do to you.”

I moaned at the husky note his words took on. “Really? You’re not just saying that because of the heat?”

“I’m afraid that some of it is the heat,” he said, sliding a bit closer to me on the bed. His other hand lifted and then he was cupping my face in his hands. “That can’t be removed from the situation. But the fact that you’re beautiful and smart and strong and I’m incredibly attracted to you? That’s all you.”

“Then will you kiss me?” I asked as he leaned closer. My gaze seemed to lock on to his mouth. Why had I not noticed until now that he had the most sensual lips? They were the most sexual thing I’d ever seen. I was fascinated by them, and the way they parted as he neared me.

“You couldn’t stop me,” Leif said, and his thumbs brushed my cheeks a scant second before his mouth touched on mine.

Heat touched my lips; warmth and the taste of Leif. I moaned as his tongue slicked against mine, tasting me in the world’s most gentle caress. Immediately, my body responded, and desire shot through me, so hot and heavy that it made my skin hurt. I broke off the kiss with a whimper.

“What is it?” Leif sounded concerned, and he pulled away from me.

“I hurt. Everywhere.” The smell of my arousal was practically soaking the cabin. “I don’t think I like being in heat.”

He chuckled.

I punched him in the arm.

“Ow!” He rubbed his arm, but the smile remained on his lips. “I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing because I doubt most people like being in heat. I imagine it sounds sexier than it really is.”

“Everything aches,” I said, and cupped my breasts to support them. The tips seemed to be two blooms of sensitivity, well past the point of pleasure. “I think I waited too long.”

Leif’s face lost its amusement. “I should have realized. I’m sorry, Nikolina. This is my fault.” He reached out and gave my shoulder a comforting pat. “What can I do to help?”

“Fuck me,” I said bluntly. “I don’t think…I don’t think I can stand foreplay right now.” The thought of teasing touches on my body seemed more like torture. The ache inside me wouldn’t subside. I didn’t need to be aroused - I was already there in the worst way.

His eyes gleamed, and he grabbed my hips, dragging me down on the cot. “Get down to business? I think I can do that.”

I moaned again. “Yes, please. Sex now. We can do foreplay later.”

Leif stood up and stripped off his piecemeal clothing, flinging it to the creaky wooden floor of the cabin. I watched with eager eyes as his chest was revealed, and then his hips…then his groin.

His cock sprang free, thick, proud, and erect. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one that didn’t need any foreplay. I began to pant at the sight of it. God, it looked good. I wanted to touch it, stroke my hands along it like I had that day in the tent when I’d washed him, but more than that, I wanted him deep inside me, taking care of the ache burning low between my hips. “Please,” I whispered, when he sat down on the edge of the cot again, entirely naked.

“I’m getting there, Nikolina, love,” Leif said in a gentle voice. His hands went to my long-sleeved thermal shirt, and he began to peel it off of my body, careful not to touch my skin and set me off again. I raised my arms and torso off the bed to help him, and when he gestured that he’d move to my hips next, I lifted them to drag the pants down my legs. Then, I was clad only in my panties and my bra, both of which felt confining and horribly constricting…and terribly unsexy. I’d dressed for function when coming down to the Antarctic, and my clothing was bought at a sporting goods store, not Victoria’s Secret.

But he looked at me as if I were wonderfully sexy, and my nipples ached in response to his gaze.

“Let’s get these off of you,” he told me in a gentle voice. As if I couldn’t do it myself, he pulled me forward and reached behind me to unclasp my bra.

My breasts pressed against his chest, my nipples brushing at his chest hair. And it was too much. I couldn’t wait any longer. With a whimper of excitement, I reached for his cock, wrapping my hand around it and tightening my grip.

He groaned, and I felt his hands fumble on my bra, taking forever to undo the clasps. “‘Lina,” he murmured, shortening my name in a way that made me all giddy inside.

I stroked my hand up and down his shaft, instinct guiding me.

“Slow down—“

“No—“

He groaned as my hand jacked him, and Leif continued to fight with my bra. A moment later, I heard the tearing of fabric, and then the material was falling off of my shoulders. He pulled away from me and shimmied it off of my body, and then tore at my panties, even as I reached for him again. “No, ‘Lina,” he said softly again, and when I reached for his cock, he grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head even as he tore at my panties with his free hand.

Oh yes. His hand trapping mine was incredibly erotic. I lifted my hips with need, panting and moaning in response. “Leif,” I moaned. “Need you.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he told me.

“Please.”

“I know. I’m hurrying.” He flung my panties aside after working them down my legs, and then I was naked on the little cot in front of him. His gaze moved over my body and he groaned at the sight. “You are beautiful, ‘Lina. So beautiful.”

My scent was thick in the air around us, so strong that it seemed to envelop everything. “I want you inside me, Leif.”

“I know.” He shifted his long, lean body, and released my hands so he could move over me. I watched him with increasing excitement, unable to take my gaze off of the long, thick shaft curving from his groin. “Open your legs for me, Nikolina.”

He didn’t need to ask twice. I spread my legs wide, and as I did, he moved to settle between them, his knees digging into the mattress. His hands propped on the bed next to my shoulders, and he gazed down at me with those impossibly blue eyes.

“Tell me if you get afraid or want me to stop,” he said, searching my face.

I didn’t want him to stop - we were moving too slow as it was. I simply ran my hands along his chest and nodded my agreement.

“You sure you don’t want foreplay?” He asked, and his gaze flicked to my breasts, the nipples taut and aching.

“Positive. Please, Leif,” I told him, and dug my nails into his shoulders as way of encouragement.

He grunted his acknowledgment of my words, and he lifted a hand to slide between my legs, seeking my heat.

I hissed at his touch, startled by the intense intimacy of it - and how good it felt. My sex was incredibly slippery, my pulse seeming to throb between my legs.

“God, Lina,” he murmured, voice hoarse. “You’re so wet.”

“Please,” I panted. This was torture. “Explore later. Sex now.”

“Sex now,” he agreed, and I felt his finger press against the opening of my sex. He slid it against my sex, and then pushed in.

I gasped, my body immediately flying into an orgasm. My pussy clenched hard around him, and I cried out as my muscles tightened and spasmed in response.

“Oh, Jesus,” Leif moaned. “You’re tight.” His finger stroked in and out of my sex, and then I felt him add a second one.

The orgasm didn’t seem to be stopping. If anything, my body continued to grow more tense as he stroked his fingers in and out, preparing me for his cock. “Leif,” I moaned, bucking against his hand. “I need you—“

“I know,” he said, and the words were issued through gritted teeth. His fingers slid out of my pussy - and I whimpered at the loss. It had almost felt like too much when they were there, but now that they were gone, I wanted him back. A moment later, the head of his cock pressed against my warmth.

“Yes,” I moaned. “Yes, please. Please!”

Slowly, he began to push his way inside of me. “Stop me if you hurt, ‘Lina,” he told me.

I raised my hips up, panting, trying to sink him further and faster into my body. If I hurt? I was an endless mass of aching hurts and need. This was actually making me feel better.

“‘Lina,” he began. “Don’t — I — stop squirming. I can’t keep control. I’m going to—“ He shook his head as I continued to buck and whimper under him, and then bit out a curse.

And then he slammed deep into me.

The breath ripped out of my lungs at the stab of pain that flared through my body. My eyes opened wide, and I stared up at Leif. His blue eyes were dazed with sex, but I could see the shock in them, too. He hadn’t expected to do that.

A moment later, though, pleasure flooded through my body. I gave a small cry and clung to Leif, wrapping my legs around him. “Oh god, yes!”

“Yes?”

I nodded tightly, my entire body so tightly wound with pleasure I could scarcely breathe. This was what I’d needed. Him - deep inside me. Filling me. This was what the heat needed.

He groaned and his mouth moved down to mine, kissing me as he began to move slowly inside of me. His strokes were small at first, the movements barely noticeable. But as his tongue slicked over mine and I returned his kiss with greedy fervor, his motions began to take on more power. It was like he’d been holding back, not sure of how I’d respond, and now that he knew he hadn’t hurt me, he was abandoned. Leif sucked on my tongue, distracting me, and as I moaned my pleasure, he drew back and slammed back into me again.

I screamed in pleasure, my nails digging into his back. My hips lifted to meet his next thrust, and I wrapped my legs around him, linking my ankles to keep my body in place.

He groaned deep, clearly not anticipating my response. His next thrust was even wilder, and was met enthusiastically. Again, he slammed into me. There was no finesse in the meeting of our bodies. I was too frantically clawing at him, need overtaking everything, and Leif couldn’t seem to keep control, not while I was writhing under him. He pushed into me and I bucked with each thrust, screaming out my pleasure. It felt like my body was moving through one continuous orgasm, and I kept coming. I could feel my pussy tightening and flexing around Leif as he stroked inside me, hammering harder and faster deep within my core. All the while, his mouth worked on mine, and I screamed my pleasure against his lips.

Then I was shattering all over again, stars exploding behind my eyes. My back bowed and my entire body trembled, my senses on overload.

“’Lina,” Leif panted. “Oh god, ‘Lina. Can’t hold out — so sorry—“

He groaned, body stiffening over mine, and then I felt the hot flood of his come deep inside me as his thrusts became wild and shuddering. A moment later, he collapsed on top of me, and I went limp under him as the ceaseless orgasms seemed to finally die off.

I sucked in deep, long breaths, trying to re-orient myself. My entire body throbbed and felt twitchy. The slightest touch, and I felt like it’d set me off all over again. The deep, terrible aching was gone, like a toothache that had been soothed. It seemed to linger just below the surface, though, and I knew from hearing others talk about their personal heat experiences that it’d take more than one round of sex to rid myself of the feeling.

But I clung to Leif’s body, enjoying the press of his skin against mine. He was covered in a fine sheen of perspiration, his body damp. His control had been shot to hell by my wriggling and insistent touches. Poor man. I smoothed a hand along his back, feeling the muscles and tendons that twitched under my touch.

He struggled to his elbows and looked down at me, panting hard. There was a dazed look in his expressive blue eyes. “‘Lina…you okay?”

I gave my body an experimental, testing wiggle. I didn’t hurt, though I suspected I’d probably feel like hell in the morning. “I’m fine. How are you?”

Leif gave a small, wry laugh. “I’m not the one in heat. Speaking of, are you…?”

“It’s going to take more than just one round,” I told him. “I can still feel it in my body. You have time to catch your breath before we go again, though.”

He gave a wry snort and moved off of me, and the small cot creaked as he moved to my side. “Why do I have a feeling you’re going to work me into a boneless puddle before the day is over?”

I didn’t correct him. Even now, I was fighting the urge to roll over and pin him down on the bed and take what I needed from him. “Did I exhaust you already?”

Leif rubbed a hand on his face. “It’s not that. It’s…I don’t know.”

I frowned, rolling onto my side to face him. The movement pushed my breasts against him, and I thrilled at the contact of our skin. “What is it?”

“I…I keep thinking of the first time I saw you here on the island. I didn’t think you were real. I’m still half afraid to touch you for fear of hurting you.” A haunted look crossed his face. “Hurting you again,” he corrected. “I hate that I did that to you.”

I ran my fingers over his breastbone. “That was as much my fault as it was yours. I didn’t realize just how…feral you’d be.” Or completely out of your mind. “Once you realized what you were doing, you stopped.”

“After you kicked your way free,” he grumbled, and there was self-loathing in his words. Apparently it still weighed heavily on Leif’s mind. “If you hadn’t been strong enough—“

“But I am,” I reminded him, and slid my fingertips over to one of his nipples to tease it. Were his as sensitive as mine? A light furring of chest hair darkened his skin on each pectoral and met across his breastbone. It was fascinatingly soft, and I tickled the hairs with my fingers as I explored his body. “I’m just as strong as you, so there’s nothing to worry about.” It wasn’t a total lie - I was much stronger than a normal human girl, but a were-bear male in his prime would always be stronger than a were-bear female. Still, he’d know what I meant.

As I watched, his body twitched in response to my light, exploring touches, and he reached out to grasp my hand. “What are you doing, ‘Lina?”

“I’ve never touched a man before. Can I?”

“Never?” He released my hand and placed it back on his chest. “I thought you were promised to someone…” His brow wrinkled as he tried to recall.

“I was,” I said. “Ramsey Bjorn. Remember him? When he was fifteen, he was exiled for breaking the laws, and he never came back. After that, everyone just seemed to kind of ignore me.”

My few attempts at dating human boys had encouraged such scorn from my father that I’d given up. Better to be lonely and accepted than reviled, right?

“Poor ‘Lina,” Leif murmured. His hand brushed my hair off my cheek, and he couldn’t resist touching my nose ring again. “He’s a fool for leaving you behind.”

I shrugged, inwardly pleased at his words. “I was just a gawky girl when he left. He probably wasn’t thinking about me at all.” But that didn’t explain the later years, when I’d grown into my adulthood and still Ramsey hadn’t returned, despite knowing full well that there was no mate for me if he didn’t.

It had been incredibly selfish of Ramsey to leave me behind while he took off to live a life of exile, and I still burned with the resentment of that.

“He’s in your past,” Leif said, and there was a possessive note in his voice. His hand brushed over mine. “And you’re welcome to touch me any way that you like, though I’ll probably need some time to recover my stamina before pleasing my woman again.”

I giggled, the sound high and girlish. Your woman? But instead, I just said, “Is it because you’re so old now?”

Leif gave a mock growl in his throat.

I tangled my fingers into his chest hair and then slid them lower down his stomach, following the darker trail of hair down his stomach. It arrowed down to his belly button and then widened again, and I slid my fingers even further down, exploring his groin. I enjoyed his sucked-in breath, and my experimenting grew bolder. I reached down and cupped his balls, fascinated by the softness of the skin that covered them, and the heat of his body. Touching Leif felt good.

Then, I brushed my fingers over the soft length of his cock, now flaccid against his leg, and watched as it stirred to life. “Well now,” I said in a low voice. “That’s interesting.” The heat between my legs had begun to pulse again, excitement flicking through my veins.

“I think my body likes you,” Leif mused, and his hand began to smooth over my shoulder, caressing my skin.

His words ruined my teasing mood. His body was responding to mine because of the pheromones I was throwing off. That was the heat, not me.

Uncertainty leapt up again and I pulled my hand away. “Leif…you know that this will mean a baby, right? We’re not using protection and I’m not on the pill.” And females only went into heat when ovulation was assured. That was why a female shifter’s heat was such an important event in her life - they didn’t come often. My own mother had only gone into heat once in her life - and I was the result.

“I know what this means, ‘Lina,” he said softly. “Don’t worry about that.”

“But…I just want you to know,” I began, then paused. The words tore out of my throat haltingly, as if they didn’t want to come. “You…it doesn’t mean you have to be the father, though.”

He tilted his head, frowning up at me, as if trying to understand where I was going with this.

“I mean, you will be the father, of course.” I felt my face become red as I tried to put the words out into the air. “Just that you and me…right now…it doesn’t mean you have to be involved in the baby’s life if you don’t want to be. I can do it on my own. I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

Leif stared up at me for so long that I began to get uncomfortable. His blue eyes watched my face, and I wondered what he was thinking. I had the distinct impression that I’d angered him.

And that made me unhappy and nervous. “What?” I snapped. “I’m just trying to give you options, here. I—“

His hand went to the back of my neck, and I fell silent mid-thought. Leif said nothing more, just rested that hand on the back of my neck. I flexed and tensed, waiting for him to do something.

It came a moment later. He surged off of the bed, likely intending to roll me onto my back. However, the cot was so creaky and the bed so narrow that we ended up tipping it over, and both of us rolled to the ground in a heap of tangled limbs and blankets. I winced as Leif’s weight thumped on top of me.

I expected him to apologize again for startling me, but he didn’t. Instead, he crawled over me, his heavier weight pinning me to the cold wooden floor. His blue eyes were intense as they watched me. His head dipped low to my neck, and I felt his mouth press against my skin, hot and delicious.

I moaned, desire flaring through my body. “Leif—“

His hand tightened on the back of my neck. Before I could question what he was doing, I felt his teeth sink into my skin, and he nipped me at my neck.

Hard.

I gasped in shock as the bite deepened. He had the blunt teeth of any human, but for some reason, I felt the scoring of his teeth on my skin like a brand. A moment later, I realized what this was — a mate mark.

Leif had just claimed me as his.

Startled, I clung to him for a moment longer as he continued to bite me, cementing his claim. The mark would show, livid as a bruise, for a few days, and then would fade into a faint scarring that only a shifter could sense. But after this, no male shifter would ever think to touch me again, because Leif had declared me as his property.

To say that I was stunned by this was an understatement. “Leif,” I said softly, stroking his now-short hair as he licked at my neck, over and over on the place that he’d left the bite. “You don’t have to—“

He moved up, then, kissing my jawline in a tender caress that left me aching with need. I forgot my protests as his mouth moved up and covered my own, and my tongue greedily accepted the return of his as he kissed me.

“Foreplay now?” Leif asked, his voice low and husky when his mouth pulled from mine.

I blinked at him, startled. “Huh?”

He took my hand and guided it back to his groin. His cock was as hard as a rock, and I could practically feel it throb in my grasp. Leif leaned in and kissed me again, and when his tongue thrust back into my mouth, I felt him thrust against my hand. It sent a spiral of excitement through my body in response, and I whimpered a protest when he pulled his lips away from mine once more. “Foreplay now?” he asked again.

I nodded.

“You’ll tell me if it gets to be too much for you?”

Again, I nodded, not trusting my own voice to be more than a series of breathless mewling sounds. I watched him as his big body propped on his side, and he kicked the blankets - my poor, torn up sleeping bag - aside so he could stare at my body. My breasts were decent but nothing spectacular, the nipples small and so pale a pink that they almost blended in with the rest of my pale skin. But Leif studied them with great intensity, and after a long moment of consideration, he brushed his thumb over the tip of one.

A zing of pleasure hummed through my body, and I couldn’t resist the moan that escaped my throat. His fingers on my nipples felt…incredible. Why had I skipped foreplay before? I was clearly out of my mind.

Pleased by my response, Leif cupped my breast and his thumb began to circle the tip in a gentle motion that both aroused and tormented. The tease of his rough fingertips against my soft skin was an incredibly erotic sensation, and before long, I was panting and arching, pushing my breast against those teasing fingers. But Leif ignored my silent begging, and his hand moved to my other breast to give it the same ministrations.

I could feel my sex throbbing in response, the slickness between my legs returning along with the mating scent. I was aching again, but I didn’t want to tell Leif and ruin the exquisite sensations he was bestowing upon my body. I loved his touch.

Once both of my nipples were teased into twin aching peaks, he leaned in and lightly tongued one nipple with his mouth.

I cried out, my body clenching in need. My hips flexed, but there was nothing between them to ride, and my cry turned into a needy moan. My hands dug into his hair and I pressed his mouth against my breast, wanting more.

“Sweet ‘Lina,” he murmured, and I felt the fan of his hot breath against my skin. Felt the tickle of his lips on the curve of my breast as they moved. “I love your body.”

I made a sound of pleasure in my throat, letting him know how much his touch - and his words - delighted me.

His mouth descended on my nipple again, and as his tongue swirled patterns onto the peak, his hand slid over my belly, exploring me the way I’d explored him. I felt his thumb graze my belly button and then traveled lower, and I whimpered again, parting my legs in anticipation.

Please, I begged silently. I wanted him to touch me where I ached the most.

He made that same, possessive growl in his throat that made me so wet, and his big palm cupped my mound.

I gasped at the sensation.

“This is mine,” he told me, pressing down with his hand. “I’ve claimed you.”

“Yes,” I breathed, stunned by his words. Was this my easygoing, artistic Leif? This possessive, dominating man who was claiming me for his own? It was everything I’d ever wanted - but had scarce hoped to dream for.

“My mate,” he rumbled, the feral edge returning to his voice, and his fingers parted my wet folds, gliding through them and exploring my flesh.

I cried out at the touch, only to be silenced into a gasp by the bite of his teeth on my nipple. The feel of his mouth on my skin was shockingly decadent. I wanted it everywhere.

His fingertips slid up and down my pussy, exploring it, seeing which touches I liked the most. Then, he dipped those fingertips deep into my core, and I arched in response, trying to bear down against his fingers.

“So impatient,” Leif murmured, watching my body try to sink onto his fingers. “I love the way you demand your release.” He sank a finger deep inside me, but just as quickly pulled it out again.

I moaned a protest. I needed more than just that teasing touch.

He raised his hand to his mouth, and gazed up at me. “Your smell has been driving me wild for weeks. You know that, right? That I’ve woken up with the scent of you thick in my nostrils every morning, my cock hard? That I wondered what it’d be like to bury my face at your center and taste you for myself? And now that I’m with you, I get that chance.” He raised his fingers - wet and gleaming with my juices - to his mouth and began to slowly, sensuously lick them before my wondering gaze. His blue eyes closed and a look of bliss crossed his face. “You’re the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“Oh,” I breathed, unable to process the raw carnality of that move. I stared at him, wide-eyed, as he dipped a finger into my pussy again, and then licked it once more.

Then, that intense blue gaze moved back to my face. “Can I taste all of you?”

I trembled at that. Nodded.

He shifted and slid down my naked body, moving lower. His face moved between my thighs, and I heard him suck in a deep breath. “You smell like both of us. I like that.”

And then his hands pulled my legs apart, and he pressed his mouth to my pussy.

I cried out, fists clenching at my sides.

He jerked away as if scalded. His anxious gaze met mine. “‘Lina? Too much?”

“No,” I sobbed, and my hand went to the top of his head and I shoved him back down again. “It’s good. Keep going!” God, I didn’t want him to stop. That had been the best thing I’d ever felt.

“Jesus, you scared me, screaming like that.”

“I’ll be quiet,” I told him, and obligingly bit down on one knuckle. If I had to be quiet to get him to put his tongue there again, I’d shut up even if it killed me.

He bent over me again, pushing my thighs over his shoulders until they were cradling his head, and he knelt between my legs. I watched, fascinated and trembling, as his mouth descended onto my pale blonde curls again, and then I felt his tongue slick between the lips of my pussy again.

And then it swiped over my clit.

My entire body jumped, and I groaned, biting down on my knuckle. Must be quiet. Must be quiet.

“Ah, damn, that’s so good,” he murmured, and I felt his tongue flick over my folds again. “I can’t get enough of you.” His mouth pressed to the top of my pussy, and I felt his tongue push against my clit, rolling it against his teeth like he had my nipples.

I bit down harder on my knuckle, keeping back the cries that threatened to spill out again. My thighs trembled in response, my body alive and aching with desire at his touches.

He continued to tongue at my clit, fascinated at playing with the small bud of flesh and the way I jumped in response. I felt his thumb press against my core, and then he began to move it in and out, even as his tongue rolled against my clit in teasing circles.

I bit so hard that the coppery tang of blood filled my mouth. My cheeks were moving like bellows as I struggled to breathe and retain control, but I was slipping close to the edge. I didn’t want to, though; I didn’t want him to stop.

It felt way too good for him to ever stop.

His hand reached up and dragged my hand out of my mouth. “Don’t hurt yourself, ‘Lina. If you need to cry out, I want to hear it.” And then his mouth descended again.

I screamed as the orgasm shattered through me again, as hard and violent as the one I’d had just a short time ago. As the pleasure spiraled through me, my thighs clenched against his shoulders, and I could feel my pussy clamping down on his thumb, trying desperately to milk it.

Then, I was left panting, the ache between my legs intensifying. I’d had an orgasm, but the heat demanded more. “Leif—“

That was all I needed to say. Leif surged forward, covering me again, and my legs remained trapped over his shoulders, my calves resting there as he leaned forward, pushing deep into me again, my body bowed like a V under him, my legs in the air.

I cried out again at the feel of him, seated deep inside me.

“Tell me if I’m hurting you,” Leif growled, and the feral edge was back in his throat. Oh, that just made me all the more aroused.

I bucked my hips in response. “More, damn you. More.”

He groaned, and then began to pump furiously into me, pushing forward. I was trapped under him, my legs in the air as he fucked me. There was no tenderness or carefulness with this second round; it was pure need and adrenaline. I screamed my pleasure every time he thrust deep, and with the angle we were at, he was so deep inside me that I felt impaled against him.

I’d never felt anything better. I clawed at the floors, the blankets, trying to find a way to anchor myself against his wild, frantic pumping that was driving me across the flooring. God, I loved it.

Then I was coming again, the force of it hitting me like a freight train. I screamed once more, the pleasure shooting through me like stars in the midnight sky, bursts of light flooding behind my eyes. Every muscle in my body responded, clenching and tensing as I came, and Leif’s movements grew more savage as he worked fiercely toward his own orgasm.

And then he came with a roar of my name that had been almost as loud as my own scream. I felt the flood of his come inside me once more and then he stilled, my hips pinned to his as he filled me.

This time, I didn’t miss the flash of possessiveness in his blue eyes. Were all males like this when they claimed a mate?

He groaned as he came down from his own orgasm, and slowly let my legs down before sliding down to rest his weight atop of me. He burrowed against my neck, and I felt his mouth lick at the mate mark he’d left on my skin, as if renewing his claim.

I clung to him, exhausted and pleased. “Thank you,” I murmured against his skin.

A soft chuckle escaped his throat. “Why are you thanking me?”

“Because that was…really good,” I said, feeling a bit shy. How could I possibly describe to him I think a supernova burst behind my eyes, I came so hard?

He lifted his head and grinned down at me, then pulled my hand to him, studying where I’d bit down and broken the skin. Then, he gave me a reproachful look. “You’re noisy when you come.”

“Excuse me,” I huffed. “I wasn’t exactly paying attention to what kind of noises I was making.”

Leif grinned. “I don’t mind. I’m just thinking the penguins are probably scared.”

I smacked his shoulder. “That’s not funny.”

He only kissed the marks on my fingers, but he was smiling his pleasure.

* * *

We had sex at least five more times that day, though after a while, the sessions began to run together. The heat was relentless. Every time I thought I couldn’t take any more, that familiar itching need would return and I’d touch Leif to let him know I needed more. He was always ready for another round. He couldn’t get enough of me either, and I liked that, liked the possessive flash in his eyes when I screamed out his name at my climax.

Eventually, we fell into an exhausted slumber that even the heat couldn’t disturb, and when I woke up the next morning, the fire in the fireplace was out, snow had risen to the ceiling in the small corner of the cabin where the roof had caved in, and the floor was freezing cold.

I was also sore in every muscle, and feeling a bit raw and abused between my legs.

But happy. I was so, so happy. So content.

Things had worked out beautifully. I had Leif, I’d had my heat, and inside me, our child was growing. I’d gone from having nothing overnight to having everything.

It snowed and stormed for three days straight. That suited me just fine, because it meant we were trapped in our cabin together. We had food in the form of protein bars, some firewood, and mostly we just snuggled under the blankets and let our shifter metabolism do the hard work of keeping us warm. When nights got too cold, we shifted into bear form and cuddled together. Every time Leif shifted, I was a little afraid that he’d up and leave, letting the animal take over his brain again. But he’d only nose me and protectively herd me into the warmest corner of the rickety cabin, and then curl up next to me.

It was as if we’d truly mated.

The days in the cabin were my favorites, of course. In human form, we’d frolic in bed, explore each other for hours, and just talk. I tried to fill Leif in on everything that had gone on for the past sixteen years, from advances in the internet to politics to which bear shifters recently married and had children. As I talked, Leif borrowed my knife and carved small things in wood, keeping his hands busy. I’d watch, fascinated, as the curve of a woman’s hip came to life under the blade, and I wanted to keep all the carvings he made. They were all beautiful. But Leif would only laugh, claim that he was rusty, and toss them into the fire.

I managed to rescue a small wooden statue of a woman with a baby on her hip when he went out into the storm to relieve himself, and my heart warmed to see the woman had a nose piercing.

No way was I letting him burn that.

I was sad when, on the fourth day of our idyll in the cabin, I woke up to see the sunlight leaking in through the hole in the far corner of the roof. That meant the storm was gone and we could leave our cozy nest.

“I’m kind of sad to see the sun,” I told Leif from under the sleeping bag, my hands moving over his warm, delicious skin.

He grinned at me, and kissed my mouth. “This means we can fish, though. Don’t you want something to eat other than a protein bar?”

I made a face at the thought. Fish didn’t exactly sound appealing, but my stash of protein bars was getting low. “I suppose so.”

Leif gave me another long, seeking kiss before dressing in his patchwork clothing. I can’t say that I was displeased to see that. It would have been much easier for him to shift to bear form and fish that way, but staying human was for my sake. It showed he was trying, that he didn’t want to be what he’d become for so long - a mindless animal.

He was also extremely protective of me. I wasn’t used to the snow and the cold, he argued. Not like he was. So I was to stay inside and tend the fire, and melt some snow for drinking water while he went and fished us a meal. It was a new experience for me to be coddled and doted upon, and I wanted to protest, but when Leif argued that he knew the island better than me, I had to agree with him.

Tomorrow, though, I’d suggest we fished together. Everything seemed like it’d be better with Leif at my side. I smiled at the thought and pulled one of our last logs out to feed into the fire. As I did, a different scent caught my nose, just as Leif came storming back into the cabin, a look of concern on his face.

“Someone’s here,” he said. “Were-bears.”

I lifted my nose, scenting the air. “I smell my father…and Mikkel.”

And Jokkum, but I cringed at the thought of that. If my father had come after me, he’d brought Jokkum for ‘just in case’ I was still in heat. A small part of my soul shriveled at the thought of crawling all over fat, elderly Jokkum like I had my sexy Leif. I turned to Leif and looked over at him, masking my unease. “Mikkel’s back early.”

Leif picked up one of the heavy branches and began to brandish it like a weapon. His teeth were bared in a protective snarl. “I’ll chase them away. I won’t let them take you from me.”

“What? No,” I said, tugging at his sleeve. “You misunderstand. They came to retrieve us. You and me.” My hands soothed down his chest. “It’s okay.”

I didn’t like the wild look that had returned to his eyes, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Leif would have to get used to more people eventually, if we were going to move back to the bear clan together…though at this moment, I wasn’t sure if that was what he intended at all.

Uncertainty swept through me as the scents of the others grew stronger, and I pulled my body closer to Leif’s, pleased when his arms encircled me and pulled me close. “You’re coming back with me, right?”

His hand smoothed over my thick braids, his gaze searching my face. “I won’t leave you.”

I exhaled in relief and hugged him close, just as the door to the cabin flew open.

Mikkel stepped inside first, an apology written on his features. He was bundled up for the storm, and his scanning eyes lit on me. I watched his nostrils flare, no doubt smelling our thick scents - and the aftermath of my heat - in the small cabin. “Good, you’re here. Both of you. Everything…okay?”

I gave him a silent thumbs up. “My father?”

“About two minutes behind me, with Jokkum.” Mikkel grimaced and rubbed his jaw. “I’m sorry, Niko. I tried, I really did. But they’re the elders. I couldn’t refuse them when they said they were coming after you. They made me tell where you were.”

“It’s okay,” I said softly, still clinging to my new mate. “Everything turned out fine.”

“I see that,” Mikkel said, and his gaze moved over Leif. “You found him after all. Look, I think I should tell you—“

“Daughter,” my father roared from a distance. “Daughter, come out here!”

I winced, pulling out of Leif’s arms. “That would be me.”

To my surprise, Leif put his arm around my waist. “We’ll confront him together.”

I shot him a look of gratitude and offered him my hand. He took it, and we headed out of the cabin, Mikkel trailing behind us with an unhappy look on his face.

My father stood some distance away, snow up to his knees. Behind him stood Jokkum, and both men were heavily bundled. They watched me with frowns on their faces, assessing me. I wondered if they were staying distant because they were worried I was still in heat, but that didn’t explain why Mikkel had come in.

Leif’s hand tightened on mine.

I raised my free hand to shield my eyes from the sun glinting hard on the snow. “Hello, Father. You came a long way to find me.”

“Yes,” my father said in a displeased voice. “And I’m very unhappy with you. Come here.” When both Leif and I stepped forward, he raised a hand. “Just my daughter.”

I frowned and looked over at Leif. He was unshaven this morning, and his hair was messy from sleep, but it was much better than before. He no longer looked like a wild man. His clothes were a bit ridiculous, but they were just clothes. Why was my father treating him so coldly? “Father, Leif is my mate now.”

“No,” said my father succinctly. “He is not.”

I heard Mikkel sigh unhappily behind me. “I tried to tell you,” he muttered in a low voice.

My stomach clenched with worry. “What do you mean, Leif isn’t my mate?” I moved one of my braids aside, showing my mate mark. “He’s claimed me. I’m going to have his baby. He—“

“He’s exiled,” my father said flatly. “Just like Ramsey.”

I sucked in a breath and looked over at Leif. He’d never said. The glare in his blue eyes as he stared at my father was cold with anger. “What? Exiled? Why?”

“I would have told you if I’d have known of this ridiculous scheme of yours,” my father said in a cold voice. “But you ran away before I had the chance.”

“What was I supposed to do?” I cried. “I didn’t have many options.”

Leif’s hand tightened on mine. He pulled it to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. “It’s all right, Lina.”

“It’s not all right,” I said, upset. Why was this happening? “I don’t understand.”

“Leif abandoned the bear clan sixteen years ago, so he was exiled,” Jokkum said, finally speaking up.

At my side, Leif gave a wry snort of derision, and hearing that actually made me feel better. So he hadn’t known he was exiled when we’d come together? The absurdity of the rule struck me. “Wait. He left and so you decided to exile him after the fact?”

“If he wants to come back, he’ll have to petition the elders,” Jokkum said.

“I’m not leaving ‘Lina’s side,” Leif said quietly. “I don’t care what the two of you think.”

“You will have to formally petition the elders,” my father said sternly. “Once you have, we will meet and decide your fate.”

“His fate?” My voice rose a hysterical note. How had things gone from so perfect to so wrong so quickly?

“Come, Niko,” my father said, and gestured for me to come to his side. “You can’t stay here.”

I looked at Leif, utter terror in my eyes. I’d just found him and now I was losing him again? This couldn’t be happening.

Leif saw the panic on my face, and he cupped my cheeks in his warm, callused fingers. “It’s all right, ‘Lina,” he told me softly. “Your father is right — you can’t stay here. There’s nothing on this island but penguins and snow.”

“There’s you,” I choked out.

He smiled, and his smile was beautiful. “I’m coming with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Wherever you go, I’ll go,” Leif told me, and his blue eyes were warm. “I won’t leave your side.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, and pressed my cheek to his chest. His arms wrapped around me in a comforting hug.

“Come,” my father said again, clearly impatient.

So we went. Together.

Chapter Five

Once we were back on the small ship that had brought me to the Antarctic, my father insisted on talking to me alone. I gave Leif a worried look, but he nodded that it was okay. Leif didn’t plan on going anywhere, it was clear, and he took the bag of my remaining supplies. “I’ll get our cabin set up.”

I liked how he stressed our. My father noticed it, too, and frowned. His hand clamped down on my shoulder and he steered me down to the galley of the ship, where we could talk privately.

Once we’d both sat down, he lashed into me. “What were you thinking, Nikolina? Running away like that at such a crucial time? Do you have any idea of the chaos you’ve caused?”

“I couldn’t stay, Father.” I crossed my arms over my chest, hugging myself. “You know I couldn’t. I was going into heat.”

“We had a plan for that—“

“I heard your plan,” I said bitterly. “Give me to Jokkum? Let one of the married men ‘take one for the team?’ Maybe ask Ramsey to forget his wolf mate and make a ‘donation?'”

He looked surprised at my words. “So you were listening in?”

“I should have been in the meeting,” I told him. “It’s my body. My life. My choices.”

“The elders would decide the best plan for you,” he said stiffly. “We have the clan’s best interests at heart.”

But what about my best interests? I wanted to ask. “Well, I didn’t want to be anyone’s charity fuck —“ It made me feel good to see him wince at my words — “So I took matters into my own hands.”

“Leif is exiled,” he reminded me.

“Leif didn’t know that.”

“We have to protect the clan. There was no other option than to exile him. It’s the way we keep control.” My father shook his head. “And now, because of your impulsive actions, any child of your union might not be accepted by the clan.”

I sucked in a breath, surprised at how much his words hurt. To think that I’d come after Leif because I’d been so tired of feeling like a lonely outcast in my own clan…and I was going to do it to my own child. It didn’t seem fair. Was there no way for me to be happy?

“You’ve been selfish, daughter.”

“Me?” I choked on the word.

“There are men in the clan who are married, but they would have gladly taken the chance at fathering another child. Good men, who would make a worthy, strong baby. You’ve robbed them of that opportunity.”

I robbed them? My lips curled in displeasure.

Before I could reply to that, he continued. “You do realize Leif didn’t want you?”

His words hit me like a brick. All the air left my body. “What…what do you mean?”

“He left the clan because he didn’t want to be part of it any longer. Then, you show up, waving your…heat under his nose. He had no choice but to respond. Any man would respond to that. Why do you think Mikkel agreed to disobey the clan and bring you here?” He slammed a hand down on the small galley table. “Because it is impossible to refuse a female in heat. You manipulated him, and you manipulated Leif. Selfish!”

I wanted to protest…but he was right. I’d cheerfully trodden on several rules just to get my way. And hadn’t I known that Leif wouldn’t have a choice? But I’d still come after him because it was what I’d wanted. Abashed, I remained silent.

“The only reason you have not been exiled like him,” my father said in a low, dangerous voice, “is because you now carry a bear-child in your womb. When we get home, you will go in front of the elders and apologize for the trouble you’ve made. You will agree to abide by any decisions they make in regards to your welfare, and you will accept it all with a smile. Do you understand me? If not, you threaten not only your own place, but your child’s.”

A knot had formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard, then nodded. I’d do what he asked. “And Leif?”

“Leif will have to beg his way back into the clan’s forgiveness,” my father said in a hard voice. “And right now, I am not in a forgiving mood.”

“I see,” I said softly. I wanted to weep, but I knew my father hated tears. They were weak. So swallowed hard. “Can I go now? I need to…reflect on my errors.”

“Go,” he said with a flick of his hand. His face was so stern that it hurt to look upon. “And know that the only reason we’re allowing that exile to stay in your cabin is because the ship isn’t big enough to separate the two of you.”

He wanted to separate us? A low, dull ache started in my chest. I nodded and jerked to my feet, then moved to hug my father. He was family, after all, and I wanted comforting.

But my father didn’t put an arm around me. Didn’t pat my back like he normally did. In his eyes, I was a disobedient clan daughter, and he was a clan leader. I’d shamed him, and there’d be no affection from him until I was back in the clan’s good graces.

I made it out of the galley before I started to weep, at least. By the time I made it back to the cabin I shared with Leif, though, I was sobbing.

“‘Lina?” Leif came to meet me as I stumbled through the door, and his arms wrapped around me. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head, unable to stop crying. Everything was going so wrong. So terribly wrong. “My father… he says our child might not be accepted by the clan if you’re still exiled. I…he…” I choked on my sobs. I wanted Leif. I wanted the clan’s acceptance. What was I going to do?

“Don’t cry, love,” he said, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “It’s going to be all right. Really.”

I let him enfold me in his arms, burying my face against his neck. “How?”

“Whatever they need me to do, I’ll do it.”

I lifted my head and looked up at him in surprise. “You will?”

“For you, I will.” Leif’s blue-eyed gaze held mine. “We’re together. No matter what.”

I kissed him fervently, filled with emotion. “Thank you.”

He hugged me close and pulled me to the small cabin bed, and held me while I wept, emotional. Even as he did, I kept thinking of my father’s hateful words.

You do realize Leif didn’t want you?

Even now, was I manipulating him with my tears and our baby? God, I was the worst mate ever.

* * *

By the time we returned home, I was existing in a fever-pitch of anxiety.

My father’s coldness toward me was only compounded by the fact that he completely ignored Leif. Jokkum took his cues from my father and did the same—not that I cared about him. Poor Mikkel clearly wanted to talk with me and Leif, but he had to go by what the elders decreed, and as a result, he ignored us.

On the ship, we were treated as pariahs. I’d known we would be, but it still hurt. I hid in my cabin with Leif to pass the time, but even then, I couldn’t relax. Leif was just as tense as I was, and the walls of the cabin were so flimsy that they’d make sex impossible. We existed in a state of tension, made all the worse by enforced chastity.

I was never so glad as when we left the ship to head to the airport and take a thirteen-hour flight home. I just wanted all of this over with, so things could go back to normal.

When we got off the plane, though, I had a good idea of how things would go. I shouldered my bag and looked over at Leif, who was now dressed in clothing borrowed from Mikkel, the only one close to his size. Then, I glanced over at my father. “My car’s in long-term parking.”

“It’s not,” my father said.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I got your spare key and had your mother drive it home. You’re coming with me.”

I looked over at Leif again, embarrassed. We hadn’t been back in the States for even ten minutes and my father was already exerting his control. “Um, okay? Come on, Leif.”

My father put his hand up, halting my mate before he could approach. “That one can find his own ride home.”

I halted. “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m not.”

I looked over at Leif again, utter panic in my face. My father wanted to separate us over something as small as this? “But, Father, he doesn’t have a car…or any money, or…”

“That’s not my problem,” my father said in a cold voice. “I don’t offer free rides to those that have abandoned the clan.”

I suddenly wanted to scream. “This wouldn’t be a problem if you hadn’t taken my car home. I—“

“Come on, Niko,” my father said, and turned his back on the two of us. He clearly expected me to follow.

Mutinous, I dropped my bag on the ground and crossed my arms. I was not budging.

“Love,” Leif whispered in my ear. “If you want to go with your father, it’s fine.”

“I’m not leaving you,” I said, my voice rising a hysterical note. “I’m not!”

“It’s okay,” he murmured, and pressed a kiss to my temple. “We’ll get it figured out later.”

But it wasn’t okay. Leif had been completely wild for sixteen years. He didn’t have money on him. I wasn’t even sure he remembered where his home was. Or if his family would even welcome him.

And I wanted my mate with me.

But I knew that my father would have a problem with that, too. After all, I lived in an apartment above my father’s garage, since it was against the bear clan rules for an unmated female to live independently.

For the first time in my life, the strict rules of the clan chafed and for a moment, I hated everyone. Why were they making this so difficult?

I looked up at Leif, but there was nothing but kindness and understanding in those gentle blue eyes.

“I’m not leaving you,” I told him again, and I linked my fingers through his.

A small smile curved his mouth. “All right, then.”

It took my father a few minutes to realize I wasn’t following him. By that time, he was quite irritated, but I was adamant. If Leif wasn’t welcome with us - even in something as simple as a car ride - I wasn’t either.

Of course, my anger was defused a few moments later when another familiar face arrived at the airport. Gunnar Ludvik pushed through the crowd, his gaze scanning faces for a familiar one. I felt Leif tense next to me. “Father?”

Gunnar broke into a smile that looked remarkably like Leif’s, and he surged forward, arms wide to pull his son into a hug. “My boy!”

Leif left my side to hug Gunnar, and my father looked at me with impatience.

“Come on, daughter.”

I hesitated. My father had clearly called Leif’s family to come and get him, and his reunion with his own father seemed to be quite happy. I wasn’t sure if I should wait for my mate or leave him to his father’s care. I hesitated a moment longer, and then made my choice. “Leif?”

I could feel the heat of my father’s scowl on the back of my head. He wasn’t happy.

But I wasn’t leaving without Leif. Not without knowing he was taken care of. Not without knowing what was going to happen between the two of us. I felt like everything was more confused the more we returned to civilization, and I didn’t know what to do.

Leif pulled away from his father and gave him another pat on the shoulder, then returned to my side. He cupped my face and leaned in to brush a kiss over my mouth. “Your father is going to make things hard on you to punish me,” he murmured, voice so low that only I’d be able to hear it over the hubbub of the airport. “Go with him for now. I’ll come to you later. I promise.”

I faltered, unhappy at the thought of being separated from him. “I…you’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” he said. “Go.”

Miserable, I went.

* * *

My father ranted and berated my ‘flighty, irresponsible choices’ the entire car ride home. He thought that by me going with him, I’d chosen family, and now it was safe to berate me and let me know what he thought of my little unapproved ‘excursion.’

I didn’t argue. I didn’t listen, either. I simply stared out the window at the trees that whizzed past as we drove to our remote home in the mountains, thinking about Leif. His father was one of the elders, too. Would they welcome him with open arms when he returned home, or would the initial relief at his return turn just as quickly to scorn as my father’s had? The thought of that made me want to cry, and I couldn’t shake the vague feeling that I’d abandoned him.

Once we were home, my father wanted me to come into the kitchen so he could continue to lecture me about my hasty actions, but I put a hand to my forehead. “I’m not feeling well,” I lied. “I’m actually exhausted. Is it okay if I go to sleep and we continue this later?”

And I put my other hand on my stomach to remind him of the results of my heat.

His face immediately softened a little, and he nodded, then patted me on the shoulder. “Go rest. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Thank you, Father,” I told him, and escaped to my apartment.

Things were just as I’d left them, my laundry still overflowing my hamper. My sheets were mussed - I was never one for making the bed - and a fine layer of dust covered everything. I tossed down my pack and went to my bed, curling up and pulling the blankets over me. I tried not to feel lost and miserable.

Tried…and failed.

I wanted Leif here with me. Maybe that was selfish, but I didn’t care. I felt lost and unhappy without him at my side. To think I’d thought that bringing him home would fix all my problems. How silly. It seemed I’d created even more problems. Unhappy, I huddled under the blankets and stared at my landline phone, willing it to ring.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I startled awake, it was dark outside. I rubbed my eyes, wondering why I’d woken up, and yawned, glancing around.

A noise came at my window, and I pulled the curtains back.

Leif was there, crouched, trying to open my window from the other side, a frown of concentration on his face.

Happiness soared through me, and I couldn’t resist the pleased squeal that emerged from my throat.

He grinned back at me and pointed at the window, indicating I should open it.

Oh, of course. I unlatched it and tugged it open, and Leif slid inside, all lean arms and legs. I drank in the sight of him, noticing that he’d showered since I’d left him at the airport, and his hair was parted, his clothing new. His face was smooth shaven. It was like he was becoming an entirely different person before my eyes.

I…wasn’t sure how I felt about that. The wild Leif had been all mine. Would this new, domesticated one still want me?

As if he could somehow feel the worry building inside of me, Leif pulled me into his arms and began to kiss my face. “Ah, ‘Lina, I missed you.”

I smiled at that, glad to hear I wasn’t the only one that had felt that way. “I missed you, too,” I told him, wrapping my arms around his waist and holding him close. “How’d you know where I was?”

“I remembered your family’s home,” he told me. “Once I got here, it was easy for me to follow your scent.” Leif smiled down at me. “All I had to do was look for the most delicious, feminine smell I’d ever found and follow it here.”

My hands ran over him, learning the changes. I touched his smooth-shaven jaw, his new clothes, everything. “Your parents…were they happy to see you?”

“Initially,” he said. “Then I got the same ‘you’ve been exiled’ talk from them. As if we weren’t consenting adults.” He rolled his eyes. “The elders council is going to wait a week to decide my fate.”

“A week?” I hated the thought of this torture dragging on for so long. “But…I don’t understand. They could all meet tonight and get this over with. Why won’t they?”

“Well, that’s easy,” Leif said, brushing the backs of his fingers along my cheek. “They want to make us sweat, so we’ll remember what it’s like to disobey them and never do it again.”

I frowned at that. It did sound like something my father would do. Jesus. The council of elders was like having five disapproving parents instead of just one. “I don’t like how they’re treating you. How they’re treating us.”

“I don’t either, but as long as we’re in the bear clan, we must play by their rules.” At my unhappy look, he leaned in and brushed his mouth over mine. “It’s okay, ‘Lina. Really. I’ll just spend my time pretending to be repentant and work on brushing up on my carvings. I’d like to have some ready to sell soon, since we’ll have a baby coming. And at night, I’ll just come here.” His mouth curved into a smile.

That warm smile took my breath away. “You’ve got it all figured out.”

“Well, they think they can separate us as part of their punishment,” Leif said. “You know they want control. But I’m not about to leave your side.”

“No?” The word came out more tremulously than I’d have liked. Stupid hormones.

“Never,” Leif told me, and his mouth captured mine again. Then, it slid to my cheek and pressed a kiss there. “You’re my mate, remember?”

And he lightly nipped at my neck, right over where he’d left the mark.

I moaned, desire rushing through me in response to the playful caresses. It had been a week since we’d made love, and it had easily been the longest, most tension filled week in my life. I needed Leif, wanted him so badly that I ached. My hand slid down his stomach and went to caress his cock, pleased to see that it was already erect underneath his jeans. It seemed like we were on the same wavelength. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” he murmured, licking and nibbling at my neck. “And I can’t tell you how glad I am to see that you’ve got a queen-sized bed.”

I giggled at that. “Wanna break it in?”

“Absolutely.” He grabbed my hips and hefted me into the air.

I clung to him, wrapping my arms and legs around him; it was good that Leif was so tall, considering I was six foot, myself. But were-bears weren’t built small, and Leif was more than big enough to handle my weight and long limbs. He carried me to the bed and then gently lay me on my back.

And suddenly, it was like the world didn’t exist outside of us again. I smiled up at him, all suddenly right in my world.

“My lovely ‘Lina,” Leif murmured as he moved on top of me. “When you smile at me, I feel like I can do anything.”

I love you, I wanted to tell him, my heart aching with love and affection for this warm, tender man. But I remembered my father’s harsh words.

You do realize Leif didn’t want you?

And so I kept my declaration to myself. I didn’t want to blackmail him with confessions of feelings, or make him feel more trapped than he already was. So I simply kissed him, and poured my emotions into that.

His tongue slicked into my mouth, welcoming my kiss, and I moaned when it brushed against my own. His hands went to my breasts, caressing the tips through my shirt. I began to tear at his clothing, greedy for the feel of his skin against mine.

Leif’s growl of response surprised me. “That’s one thing I miss about the Antarctic,” he murmured, pressing hot kisses to my mouth between words. “Too many clothes here.”

I had to agree. My fingers tore at the buttons of Leif’s shirt, until I’d loosened them enough to reveal a patch of bare skin underneath…and snarled in frustration when I found an undershirt. “How many layers are you wearing?”

“Too many,” he said with a laugh, and began to tug at my own jeans.

It took a few minutes for both of us to wriggle out of our clothing between kisses, but then we were naked, skin pressing against skin. I gave a sigh of pure bliss as I felt Leif’s familiar weight settle between my hips. Surely nothing felt better than that.

He pressed his cock between my legs, rocking there, and I wrapped my legs around him.

Leif’s mouth immediately covered mine, muffling my throaty sounds. “Hush, love,” he said. “You don’t want someone hearing you and investigating. This isn’t our island. You can’t scream my name anymore.”

I nodded understanding, but I wasn’t about to let a little something like ‘neighbors’ interfere with my need for Leif. I brushed my tongue against his, whimpering quietly when his hand moved to my breast and teased my nipple into a peak. He knew just how to touch me. In response, I sucked on his tongue, because I knew he liked that and it always made him lose control.

I liked making him lose control.

This time, it was Leif that groaned, and I felt his cock thrust against my warmth, sliding between my folds. His hand left my breast and searched between my legs for my sex, and groaned when he found me wet. “It doesn’t take much to turn you on, does it?” he whispered.

“Your kiss is enough for me,” I told him, and ran my tongue along his lower lip, then bit down on it, enjoying the way that dazed, sexy expression swept over his face. Just that look in his gorgeous blue eyes would turn me on, if I was being honest. The very sight of him, aroused and warm, was enough to make me wet.

“Foreplay tonight?” He asked between kisses, and I felt his fingers glide over my clit.

I moaned in response, only to have the sound muffled by his mouth on mine again. Whoops. When the kiss broke, I told him, “Sex now, foreplay later.”

He chuckled at that. “I think that’s backwards.”

“We’ll just have to do it until we get it right, then,” I murmured, and brushed a thumb over one of his flat nipples, enjoying the crispness of his chest hair against my skin. “I’m game if you are.”

His response was to push my legs further apart and place his cock at my entrance. His mouth covered mine, and then he thrust deep.

My cry of delight was swallowed by his kiss, which was a good thing, because I’d entirely forgotten my promise to be silent.

His mouth continued to cover mine as he began to thrust deep, his body pushing into my welcoming one. I whimpered into his mouth as his tongue thrust in time with his cock, until I was a panting, mindless bundle of need. It was a good thing we’d skipped foreplay - I was going wild with his touch as it was, and my swallowed cries were growing louder and louder.

I came in the next minute, and Leif raised his head and pressed his hand down over my mouth, drowning out my shout under his palm. His own orgasm was silent in response, but I loved watching the emotion play across his face and ripple over his muscles, and I clung to him as he collapsed on top of me, his strokes becoming uneven and jerky as he came inside me. Our breaths panted and mingled as we lay in my bed, and for a moment, all was right in my world again.

As long as Leif was with me, everything was fine. I pressed my nose into the curve of his shoulder and inhaled his delicious scent.

I love you, I thought.

* * *

Leif stayed the night, but when dawn arrived, he gave me a passionate kiss, dressed again, and left via my window once more. I showered to get rid of his scent, even though it made me sad to do so. I liked the smell of Leif on my skin, but my father would just flip out and I didn’t want to cause more trouble than we were already in.

When I emerged from my shower, dressed, and headed into the main house, I immediately picked up the scent of my aunt, two female cousins, and another woman in the bear clan. Ugh. The welcoming committee had arrived, ready for gossip. I braced myself and headed in.

“There she is,” Aunt Erika sang out. The others looked over at me and grinned. A big cardboard box sat on the kitchen counter as the others sipped coffee. They’d clearly been lying in wait for me.

“Hi guys,” I gave a small wave to them. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The women of the bear clan were a tight-knit group, and we tended to converge on anyone having a life event - graduation, mating, baby, you name it. I was surprised that there were only four women here, though, instead of the full clan.

That told me I was still in trouble, and these were the bravest ones who’d ventured out to get gossip. I smiled at my cousins Thora and Freya, second-cousin Gerda, and passed by Aunt Erika to grab a cup of coffee for myself. “What brings you guys here this morning?” As if I didn’t know.

“We heard that you ran off to find a mate,” Gerda said in an eager voice. She was Mikkel’s wife, and though I didn’t want to be unkind, she wasn’t exactly my favorite person. Big, loud, and couldn’t keep a secret to save her life. It was no wonder Mikkel liked to go off on lots of ‘business’ trips.

“I didn’t ‘run off,’” I told them, pouring a cup of coffee and then raising it to my lips. It was weak. I grimaced and pulled some instant coffee out of the cupboard, adding a spoonful to make my drink strong enough for a punch in the gut. “I’m old enough to do what I want.”

“Yes, but you didn’t get approval from the clan elders,” Aunt Erika said in a disapproving voice. “So I hope the trouble you’re in is worth it.”

“Did you find him?” Thora asked dreamily. She was a sweetheart. “Leif Ludvik?”

I winked at her.

Gerda squealed. “Oh my god! You did? I have to go visit Gunnar today and see what his son’s been up to. He’s been gone sixteen years! I bet he’s totally crazy in the head now.”

“He’s not,” I said, frowning at her words. “But he’s back now, and we’re mated.”

“Really?” Aunt Erika gave a haughty sniff. “I knew you were lonely, Niko, but this seems…reckless.”

“Reckless how?”

“I think it’s sweet,” Cousin Thora said.

Aunt Erika shot her an angry look. “It’s not. The elders were deciding on a father for her child before she took matters into her own hands. Mark my words, this will be a decision you regret,” my aunt told me.

I gulped my blistering coffee so I wouldn’t have to answer. When no one spoke, I tried to change the subject. “What’s in the box?”

“Baby clothes,” Freya said, opening the box and pulling out tiny layettes and blankets and onesies. “My Kristian is old enough now that I don’t need these anymore, and I thought you’d find a good use for them.” Her smile was soft, pleased, but she looked to Aunt Erika for approval.

I peeked at the pile of baby things and smiled. I knew an excuse for a visit when I saw one. Bringing over baby clothes just gave them an excuse to show up and get gossip from me. “I’m barely coming out of my heat, guys. I won’t know if it’s a boy or a girl for months.”

“So you mated the crazy boy,” my Aunt Erika said, and tsked. “You’re so rash, Nikolina.”

I put down my coffee, unhappy at my aunt’s tone. I knew she wouldn’t be thrilled for me - she was a big fan of the control the elders kept over us - but calling my new mate ‘crazy’ to my face was a bit much. “He’s not crazy.”

“Mikkel says he went wild for the sixteen years he was gone.” She gave me an arch look. “Crazy.”

Okay, so going wild wasn’t a thing normal, sane shifters did.

“He’s fine,” I said stiffly. “Leif’s a good man. He’s thoughtful and kind, and I’m happy he’s my baby’s father and my mate.”

Aunt Erika didn’t give up. “And what will he do for a job if the clan accepts him back? He will need to support his new family.”

I thought about his wonderful wood sculptures, and the life and beauty they had in them. He’d spent the entire trip back whittling and carving small creatures into works of art, practicing to get his hands ‘warmed up’ again. I loved to watch him, so I hadn’t minded. “I hope he’ll continue with his sculpting. He’s really good at it.”

“Oh no,” Freya said, dismayed. “That’s not a good career for a father. He needs something that brings in reliable income for you and the baby. Like a plumber or a mechanic.”

My sweet, dreamy Leif as a plumber? Or a mechanic? When he was so gifted at sculpting? I couldn’t see it. “I make plenty of money on my own, thank you.” I worked as a medical transcriptionist. It wasn’t glamorous, but I made my own hours and there was always plenty of work and a steady income.

Aunt Erika shook her head. “That’s a dreamer’s job. He needs to come back to reality and get a real one.”

“Leif’s never been good with reality,” Gerda said, and I hated the snide tone of her voice.

“Bless his heart,” Aunt Erika said.

Anger burned in my belly. “Leif and I are very happy.”

Gerda gave me a pitying look. “I know you were lonely, Niko, but I’m surprised you don’t mind being second best. I mean, everyone knows that he left because he was so devastated over Katja’s death. You have to know that he didn’t really want you—“

I slammed my coffee mug down on the table so hard that it shattered. Hot, black coffee spilled all over the counter and splattered the women seated there. “I’m not his second choice,” I snapped at them, but even as I said it, I wasn’t sure about it. “I’m not, and we’re happy, goddamn it. Or at least, we were until we came back here and everyone started attacking us!”

“You can’t blame us,” Aunt Erika said, toweling coffee off of her pale cardigan with an unhappy frown. “I mean, you run off at your most vulnerable moment and then return with a crazy exile—“

“Bless his heart,” Gerda added quickly.

“He’s not crazy,” I thundered. If I had another coffee mug, I’d have thrown it at Aunt Erika’s head. “And fuck all of you!” I stormed out of the kitchen and right out of the house, tearing at my clothing. The need to escape pressed at me, hot and heavy, and I understood how Leif had felt, all those years ago, when he’d run away. I crouched on the porch and transformed to bear form, and then lumbered away into the forest.

And if anyone tried to follow me? There’d be hell to pay.

Chapter Six

The good thing about bear form was that it tended to mute the scatter of human thought. I wasn’t sure if other shifters had that mental glaze that came over bears, but I knew that changing to a shifter form as large as ours required a lot of concentration, and it tended to drown out anxiety, or unhappiness. In bear form, you just existed. You just were. It was calm, peaceful. I could see why Leif had chosen it for so long.

No one came after me, and I plowed through the familiar woods, exploring. There was a trail I liked to think of as my own, and my own little private den on the far edges of the land. I headed there.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but I vaguely remembered dawn, and dusk, and then dawn again. I didn’t care. I fished dinner from the river, and ate berries, and curled up in my den.

I was safe as a bear. Safe from hurt. Safe from sadness.

At some point in the blur of my thoughts, though, I caught a new, familiar smell in the woods. Recognition came rushing back, and I emerged from my den in time to see another bear crashing through the woods, heading for me.

Leif.

I suddenly wanted to talk to him. Being a bear - and being numb to everything - wasn’t working anymore. I wanted to tell him why I’d run away. Because if anyone understood, it’d be Leif. So I transformed back to human form, just as he approached.

He nosed me, his big, beloved fuzzy face full of concern despite his animal side, and I burst into tears. I dropped to my knees and began to sob, curling up into a ball. The bad thing about bear form was that I didn’t deal with any of my issues while shifted; they were still there, just waiting for me to shift back.

Nearby, Leif shifted back to his human form faster than I had, and a moment later, he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close and soothing me as I wept. We sat in the leafy underbrush at the edge of my rocky cave, two naked humans who didn’t care about mud or grass stains on skin. When Leif tugged at me, I crawled into his lap and let him hold me as I cried.

His big hands soothed my skin, stroked my hair. He didn’t pressure me, didn’t ask why I’d ran. He was just there for me, pressing small, affectionate kisses on my face to let me know that I was cared for.

And I loved him for it.

“Why is it so awful?” I asked tearfully.

“Why is what so awful?” His voice was so soft, so soothing. His hands continued to stroke and pet me, comforting me.

“Everyone!” I sobbed. “I thought when we came back, that it would fix all of our problems. I’d have a mate and you’d be home, but everyone’s being so nasty about it.” I thought about Gerda and Aunt Erika’s mean words. “It’s like they don’t want us to be happy.”

“They don’t,” he said with a chuckle. “They want us to be as miserable as they are.”

“But doesn’t it bother you?”

“It bothers me that they’re making you so miserable,” he said gently. “But as for the rest of them, I stopped caring what they thought sixteen years ago.”

For some reason, that made me feel worse. “So you were fine until I dragged you back here. That makes me feel even worse. I can’t please anyone.”

Leif’s hand stroked my cheek, and then tilted my face so I looked him in the eye. “What makes you think I’m unhappy now?”

The gentleness in his gaze made fresh tears splash down my cheeks. “You didn’t want to be with me. Not really. I came after you and practically shoved my overheated vagina in your face so you’d have no choice but to mate with me—“

He laughed at my words. “Is that how you see it?”

“— And I promised you that things would be better and now they’re not! They’re worse than before because they exiled you and now they’re threatening me and everyone thinks you’re crazy and—“

“Shhh,” he soothed. His fingers brushed over my mouth, halting my words. “‘Lina, stop. You’re just making yourself upset. I’m not unhappy. And I’m not surprised they’re being this way.”

“You—you’re not?” I hiccuped, then sniffed loudly. I tucked my head against his shoulder, because it felt so good to cuddle against him and let him hold me. God, there was nothing better. How had I gone for so long without Leif? How could I go on without him if they took him away from me? My hands tightened on him.

He stroked my hair, my skin, my shoulder, until my breaths were coming slower and more regular. Until I was calm. And eventually, he spoke. “Remember what I told you? That sometimes what we think we want isn’t what we truly want?”

I nodded, inhaling deeply at the scent of his skin. He smelled woodsy and wonderful, and just a little bit wild. I loved that. Just being close to him was helping me calm down a little. With Leif, everything would be okay, somehow.

“Did you know Katja was running away when she died?”

I stiffened. It was awful and selfish of me, but I didn’t want to hear about my dead rival for Leif’s affections. Not right now, when I was so vulnerable. But I made myself say, “Oh?” as if this were interesting.

“It’s true. She’d stolen her father’s truck and was going to drive away. She didn’t care where, just…away. She told me, because she thought I deserved to know. We were best friends, but she didn’t want to marry me. She wanted to marry for love, and we didn’t love each other.”

I stilled. This…wasn’t what I expected to hear.

“And Katja was tired of the elders controlling every aspect of our lives. They didn’t want her to go to college. They wanted her to stay home with me and make babies. She wanted to study forensics. And I wanted to keep sculpting, but the elders didn’t think that was an appropriate job for someone that was going to start a family. They were going to make me apprentice to Jokkum.”

I flinched, thinking of Aunt Erika’s words. Jokkum was a plumber.

“The clan was making Katja miserable, so she was going to run away. Except she got into a car accident and died, and I realized…that I was miserable, too. That was why I left. It wasn’t because I was so lovesick over Katja’s death. I loved her as a friend, but I was more upset that she had wanted so badly to escape…and that she was right. The clan loves to keep control over everyone. They don’t care if we’re miserable as long as they’re in control. Look at your cousin Mikkel. Have you ever seen a more wretched man?”

I thought of Mikkel, always hiding from Gerda. And I clung tighter to Leif. “So…you weren’t in love with Katja?”

“Not the way everyone thinks I was.” His fingers brushed over my cheek in a caress. “I just wanted freedom. Letting everyone think I’d gone mad at her death seemed to be the easiest way to get it.”

I dragged in a long, shuddering breath. “And…I made you come back here. To the place that made you so unhappy. I’m such an awful person.”

“You’re not,” he said softly. “You’re just…uncertain of yourself. That’s their fault, too. I’m stunned that the bear clan has taken a woman as beautiful, and strong, and loving, and proud as you, and made her think that she’s so unlovable.”

“I don’t — I’m not — I — “ I stammered, and then stopped.

He was right, I realized with astonishment. Ramsey’s defection from the clan had hurt me worse than I’d realized. Because I’d been the one left behind, I was the one that had to take all the blame. The pitying looks and the thoughts that there must have been something really wrong with me for him to not want to return. The talk from the elders and the arguing over who would ‘take one for the team’ had only compounded that.

My clan had made me feel lonely and unloved, despite being surrounded by people who were supposed to be family.

I tightened my grip on Leif.

“Do you know,” Leif said, voice musing, “out of this clan that purports to love and care for each other, you’re the only one that thought to come after me in sixteen years?”

“But…” I hesitated. He was making me sound so noble, so giving. “I did it for my own selfish needs, Leif. You know that.”

“The motive was desperate,” he agreed, hugging me close to his naked skin. “But you could have just mated with me and left, if all you wanted was a heat partner. But you saw how lost I was, and you did your best to bring me back. You gave up your own clothes so I could be warm. You gave me the last of your coffee and your chocolate, because I didn’t like the coffee bitter. Every time I mentioned a discomfort, ‘Lina, you gave me whatever I needed to make me happy. How is that selfish?” The backs of his fingers stroked my cheek. “You worried that you were using me, and you offered to let me out. It was me that chose to stay.”

“Leif,” I said softly. “Stop making me sound so self-sacrificing.”

It was like he wasn’t listening to me. “You say that you were using me, but every touch you give me, every caress, is so full of love and caring. That’s not using someone.”

“I love you,” I said softly, pressing my face against his neck again. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, ‘Lina,” he murmured. “You’re the only reason I came back.”

And because we were back, things were miserable. “I don’t know what to do,” I told him. My hands smoothed up and down his back, enjoying the feel of his warm skin against mine. “I feel like if we stay, they’re going to do their best to make sure we’re as miserable as they are.”

“I don’t think you’re wrong about that.”

I knew I wasn’t. The clan elders loved control more than anything else. If they had to crush the life out of the rest of us to ensure that they kept that control? They’d do it. Even my own father didn’t have my back. He wouldn’t let me move out, and had even taken my truck from the airport, all because he wanted to keep me under his own control.

For the first time in my life, it made me angry.

I’d cheerfully gone along with it for so long, thinking that I was the problem, the unlovable one. All this time, they’d let me think that, because it kept me subdued and under their thumbs.

No longer.

“Sometimes I think Ramsey was the lucky one,” I told Leif. “At least he got away from their head games.”

“Do you think he’s lucky?” Leif asked. “He left you behind.”

Sweet man. I squeezed him in a hug, and nestled closer. I thought of Ramsey again, of the unhappy teenager he’d been. I wondered if he was as miserable now that he was part of the Paranormal Alliance in the south. Now that he had a little she-wolf for a mate. I’d tried to join the Alliance in the hopes that there would have been another were-bear out there that we hadn’t known about, but my father had found out that I’d contacted the Alliance and shut that avenue down.

He liked me being single and lonely, I realized. If I’d never gone into heat, he would have been fine with me being alone all my life. I frowned at the thought.

And then I sat up, thinking hard.

Leif’s bright blue gaze searched my face. “What is it?”

“If I leave, would you follow me? Even though it means leaving your family behind again?”

Leif’s smile was beautiful to see. “You’re the only reason I’m here. My family is with you. You, and whoever we have growing in here.” His hand brushed my stomach.

A burst of love shot through me, and I leaned forward and kissed Leif on the mouth, hard. “You’re wonderful, you know that?”

He grinned and kissed me again. “So what’s the plan, love?”

“I think we’ll pay Ramsey a visit.”

* * *

To say that my father wasn’t pleased by our decision was an understatement. Actually, my father wasn’t pleased with anything that involved me. He’d seen me come out of the woods, hand in hand with my mate, and had tried to send Leif away again.

We’d ignored him.

When his bluster didn’t work, he threatened to call Leif’s father, citing that Leif’s refusal to obey simply showed his mental illness and suggested that the elders wouldn’t look well upon this.

For the first time in my life, I realized it was an empty threat. I didn’t care what the elders thought of us. If they wanted to separate us, I wanted no part of being in the clan any longer.

So we ignored my father and went to my garage apartment to get my things and dress. My hands trembled as we did, but Leif’s strong presence at my side made things easier.

With Leif at my side, I could do anything.

I packed light - there wasn’t all that much I needed, really. My laptop for work, clothes to change into, and some personal toiletries. My phone. My savings account had been tapped out due to my Antarctic trip, but Leif told me he had an IRA he’d planned to use for college that had been accumulating money all this time. It would be more than enough to cover anything we needed when we got to our new home.

A new home. Strange, how invigorating and freeing that sounded.

Leif had one bag - a backpack - that was sitting on my front porch. He’d apparently come with intentions of not leaving my side again. I’d adored the sight of that, and kissed him long and hard out of pleasure.

God, I loved that man.

When my car was packed up with the last of my possessions, my father showed up again with Gunnar Ludvik in tow. “What do you think you’re doing, Niko?” Father asked in an angry voice as he saw the boxes in the back of my little sedan.

“I’m leaving with Leif,” I said.

“Leaving?” He sputtered. “Do you want to be exiled like this fool you mated?”

“Fool?” Gunnar asked, turning an angry face toward my father. “My son is not a fool. You brought me here to talk sense into the boy, not to insult him.”

“He is leading my sweet daughter to ruin!” My father roared.

“Am I?” Leif murmured at my side, amused. “Have I corrupted you?”

“Only the parts I wanted corrupted,” I told him with a cheeky grin. Now that we’d made our decision, I felt so light. So…free. So happy. Why couldn’t I see how the clan’s ridiculous rules was smothering me? Without them, the world seemed full of possibility once more.

“You cannot go,” my father demanded, charging forward. “Your elders forbid it.”

“And if we go,” Leif asked, coming to stand in front of me protectively when my father approached. “What will you do? Exile us?”

“This will be no turning back for you, son,” Gunnar said in a low, sad voice. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Leif looked to me. I knew if I said the word, he’d stay…because he loved me. He’d be willing to put up with their bullshit all to make me happy. Such a wonderful man. I felt so lucky. So I simply smiled and nodded at him. He winked at me, then turned back to his father. “I’m sure.”

Gunnar drew his son in for a long hug, and murmured something in his ear. Then he clapped his back and released him. “If I cannot stop you, then so be it.”

Leif patted his father on the shoulder, and then stuck his hand out to my father to shake. “Mr. Aasen.”

My father glared at Leif, then looked at me again. “You’re making a mistake, Nikolina. You will be exiled—“

I ran forward and impulsively kissed my father on the cheek. “Bye, Daddy. Wish us luck.”

“Never!” His face was turning beet red. “You stop this right now! You—“

We ignored him and climbed into my car. The two elders stared at us as we backed out of the driveway and pulled onto one of the side roads that would lead to the highway…and eventually out of the Ozark Mountains.

Leif was watching me as I drove. His hand went to my thigh, a caress of support. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Actually, I am.” My father would be upset right now, but eventually he’d calm down enough to talk. And there were phones for those sorts of things. I felt free, and light…and happy. “It’s a long drive to Texas, though.”

“I’m glad I’ve got good company,” Leif told me.

I grinned, and headed down the road. “So what did your father say to you when he hugged you?”

“He said for me to get settled, and then to let him know where we were at, and he would join us. He’s tired of the games, too.”

I laughed out of pure joy.

* * *

When we pulled into the parking lot at Midnight Liaisons, it was pitch black outside. The strip mall storefront was lit up, and I knew they were open late hours. They had to be, considering some of the clients were nocturnal.

“What is this place?” Leif asked with a yawn.

“Dating agency,” I told him.

His eyebrows wrinkled as he considered this. “So why are we here?”

“Because I think they have Ramsey’s address.” I leaned over and gave him a long, lingering kiss. “Wait for me here?”

“I’d wait for you forever. You know that, right?”

God, that man. I was totally going to eat him up when we stopped for the evening. I gave him another fierce kiss before climbing out of the car. We could always get a hotel for the night. I wanted nothing more than to claw Leif’s clothing off and throw him down on the nearest bed…but we were so close to our destination that it seemed silly to stop now.

I entered the small dating agency office and sniffed the air. Smelled like humans. For a moment, I wasn’t sure I was in the right place.

“Hi there,” said a peppy blonde, standing up behind a nearby desk covered in pink supplies. “I’m Ryder. Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for the shifter dating agency,” I said bluntly. “This the right place?” She smelled human, but the moon logo on the back wall was throwing me off.

“That’s us,” she said cheerily. “You need me to help you find the right man - or woman - of your dreams?”

“Actually, I need the address of Ramsey Bjorn.”

Her cheery look faded just a touch. “I can’t really give out information on our clients. I—“

“I’m Nikolina Aasen,” I said to her. “His betrothed. I’ve come down from the bear clans to get him.”

It was pleasant to see her eyes bug out, just a little. She blinked at me for a moment, then typed something into the computer.

“Aasen has two A’s,” I said helpfully.

She looked over at me, and I watched her type again, noticing she hammered down on the ‘A’ key twice. She was searching my name. A moment later, she peered at her screen, then at me.

“Oh shit.” She looked terrified.

“So can I have his address? I’d like to say hello to an old friend.” I didn’t bother to tell her that I had a mate. She was human, so she couldn’t see the mate mark on my neck, and it’d be easier to get information out of her if she thought I still had a connection with the other were-bear.

Ryder hesitated for a moment, then pulled out a bright pink post-it. She scribbled something on it with a glittery pen, then ripped the post-it off and held it out to me. “You totally did not get this information from me.”

I smiled at her. “Thank you.”

“And if you’re murdered by a tiny little she-wolf, just keep my name out of it.” Ryder gave me a pained smile.

I laughed. I was six foot tall and could shift into bear form. I could handle a werewolf. “I haven’t been here.”

“Exactly.”

* * *

It was almost another hour before we pulled onto a gravel road out in the middle of the country. In the distance, a large Victorian loomed, every light on in the house despite the late hour.

“Something tells me that we’re expected,” Leif mused.

“I’m guessing the little human made a phone call after I left,” I told him. “She looked like she was a bit freaked out.”

“Then we’ll go to the door together.”

That sounded fine to me. We got out of the car and I inhaled the crisp night air. Texas smelled different than Arkansas. Less lush, but more grassy. It was a smell I could get used to. Leif’s scent wafted toward me, and my hand slid into his. He was my favorite scent, I decided. I moved closer to him and we approached the house together.

It was a cute house, in a sprawling, antique-ish sort of way, though I caught the faint scent of new lumber and fresh paint….and the smell of were-bear and wolf, all over the grounds. I wrinkled my nose at the doggy scent. Bears smelled so much cleaner, at least to my nose.

Before we could take one step onto the porch, the front door opened. A man stepped out.

Ramsey didn’t look like I’d remembered. Whereas Leif was all lean, corded muscle from the harsh island living and probably days of missing meals, Ramsey was like a chunk of concrete. He was thick and broad. His hair was long and brushed his collar, and three days growth of blond beard shadowed his hard face. He was also frowning quite fiercely at the sight of me.

“Hi, Ramsey,” I began.

A small, pink-haired female lunged out the door, and I barely caught a glimpse of flailing arms and legs as she tried to bodily launch herself at me, only to be snagged by Ramsey, mid-air. “Let me at her,” the little she-wolf snarled. “She can’t have you! I’ll claw her eyes out! I—“

“Sara,” Ramsey said in a low, gruff voice that brought back painful teenage memories. Memories of parents shoving us together and forcing us to talk to each other, since we were betrothed. Wow. I hadn’t realized how uncomfortable I’d been all those times until I heard Ramsey’s voice.

My hand tightened on Leif’s and I was suddenly glad things had turned out the way they had. To think I’d once been sad that Ramsey had left me a spinster and we’d never marry. Now I was glad that things happened the way they did.

I’d simply been waiting for Leif all my life.

“She’s not taking me from you,” Ramsey said to the small female squirming in his arms. His voice was patient and even loving. It was kind of cute.

So was the fact that Leif had stepped in front of me the moment she’d lunged forward. He was so sweet.

“I just want to talk with Ramsey,” I said, linking an arm around Leif’s waist and pulling my body against his back in a possessive movement. “My mate and I have been exiled from the bear clan and we wanted to talk to another were-bear that’s left them behind.”

The woman — Sara — stopped squirming in Ramsey’s arms. “Did she just say ‘mate?’” she whispered.

Ramsey grunted in something that sounded like agreement.

“Oh.” She patted his side. “Put me down, Huggy Bear. I’m good now.”

He did, and I watched as the woman - goodness, she was a tiny thing - straightened her clothing and smoothed her short, wild pink hair. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt that said GAMER GIRLS DO IT WITH JOYSTICKS and when she looked at me, she studied me with that same wary look.

I pushed one of my thick blonde braids aside and revealed my neck and the mate mark there.

Immediately, a smile blossomed on Sara’s face. She gestured for us to approach. “Well, don’t just stand there. Come on in!”

Ramsey snorted, though his hand went to his mate’s neck and he pulled her against him and gave the top of her head a kiss.

My fingers tightened on Leif’s hand, but we went into the house.

The interior had an interesting shabby chic to it. There were shelves of gaming books and code books, and what looked like an entire shelf of various computer games. A big TV hung on a back wall, and the entertainment center below it was crammed with gaming consoles. There were ratty, comfy couches scattered in the living room, and at the far end, I could see what looked like a study that was set up with two big computers side by side.

Someone here was clearly into computers. Ramsey? That didn’t seem like the man I remembered, but maybe he’d changed in the years that he’d been gone.

“Nice place,” I said politely.

“My Huggy Bear made it for me,” Sara said in a cheery voice. As she passed by Ramsey, she grabbed his ass and squeezed. “Made a den for his mate. Isn’t that sweet?” When Ramsey sat down on one end of the couch, she immediately crawled into his lap.

Possessive little thing. I bit back my laugh. I did not want Ramsey. Not when I had Leif. “Very sweet.”

Leif sat down on one of the couches opposite Sara and Ramsey, and tugged on my hand so I’d sit down next to him. I didn’t need coaching - every moment I could spend with Leif was a wonderful one, and I was all for it.

“So what brings you two here and so late at night?”

“We just left the clan and didn’t have anywhere else to go,” Leif said. “My mate wanted to come and see Ramsey.”

“Oh?” Sara tried to keep her tone light, but I could hear the concern in it.

“Yes,” I said, and was unable to resist needling her. “I thought I’d come and talk with him about his apology.”

Immediately, Ramsey’s arm snaked around Sara’s waist, holding her down.

Leif squeezed my hand. “That was naughty of you,” he murmured.

“Apology?” Ramsey asked. Not a man of many words, that Ramsey. So he hadn’t changed that much since when I’d known him before.

“Yeah. For years I dreamed of making Ramsey apologize for leaving me a spinster. I resented him for a really, really long time. A long, long time,” I said, smiling. “But then I found Leif, and I realized that Ramsey’s leaving was the best thing that could have happened to me.” I looked over at Leif’s blue eyes and beamed, my heart full of love. “And so I wanted to come and tell him that. That I was okay.”

“I’m glad,” Ramsey said in a gruff voice.

Sara stiffened in his arms. “That so? Because I—“

He silenced her with a quick kiss, then said, “Felt guilty for her. Not for me.”

“Oh.” Sara blushed and looked over at me. “I understand.”

“Was it hard for you to leave?” I asked Ramsey. So far, I had no regrets but I wondered if they’d kick in later.

“I have never looked back,” Ramsey said after a long moment. Then, he added, “But I felt bad I ruined your life.”

“Not ruined at all,” I said, and squeezed Leif’s hand again. “I have my mate, and we’re expecting a child. All we need is a home.”

“Home is where you make it,” Ramsey said.

“That’s right,” I said, surprised to hear Leif’s words echoed in the fellow exile. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“A baby?” Sara’s face softened. “A baby bear? That is so cute.” She patted Ramsey’s arm that was linked tight at her waist. “We should let them stay in the cabin. Just until they get on their feet.”

“Oh,” I said quickly. “We didn’t come to impose. I just wanted to reconnect with Ramsey. He’s the only kin that Leif and I have now.”

“Stay,” Ramsey said. “We have room.”

“And you can tell me all about the bear baby,” Sara said, grinning. “I’m taking notes for the future.”

To my surprise, big burly Ramsey blushed beet red. As he did, I noticed even darker marks on his neck. Were those…? His long hair swung over them again, and I missed my chance to see it.

But it made me think.

* * *

Once Sara had realized I wasn’t coming to stir trouble between her and Ramsey, she was a fiery little bundle of excitement. I doubted she stood taller than five foot and probably weighed less than a hundred pounds, so it was interesting to see her stand up to massive Ramsey and lead him around with affectionate pats and groping. She chatted with me as she dragged blankets out of their linen closet and led Leif and I to a small detached house on the far end of their property. They had friends and guests stay here occasionally, she told me, and there was a faint smell of old werewolf in the tiny cabin. It was no more than a one-room cabin with a bathroom, but it would be perfect for Leif and I.

“I hate to impose,” I told her.

“Nonsense,” Sara said with a wave of her hand. “You’re Ramsey’s family. You can fill him in on what’s been going on with the bears while he’s been gone. I know he gets curious from time to time.”

“All right,” I said, and glanced out the window at Leif and Ramsey, who were unloading my car. “Can I…ask something personal?”

“Of course.” She thumped a stack of blankets into my arms.

“Are those…mate marks on Ramsey’s neck?” I saw them all over her neck, but I could have sworn I’d seen similar on Ramsey, though his hair covered most of it before I could get a good look.

“Yup,” Sara said proudly. “I figured if they can claim us, we can claim them right back.”

Oh, I liked that. I liked that a lot. “You’re a smart woman.”

She grinned.

* * *

A short time later, we were alone in the cabin. Ramsey (well, mostly Sara speaking for Ramsey) promised to show us around and introduce us to others in the Paranormal Alliance the next day so we could connect with other shifters in the area.

Leif and I talked about our plans. We’d cash out Leif’s IRA and, if we liked Texas - though if the other shifters we met were as friendly, I was pretty sure we’d like it — we’d see about putting a down payment on a house here.

It didn’t matter to me as long as I was with Leif.

I changed into pajamas and collapsed on the bed, suddenly exhausted. It had been a long day. I felt emotionally drained and as wrung out as an old towel. When Leif slid down on the bed next to me and pulled me in his arms in a languid motion, I suspected he felt the same.

But…I was ecstatically happy. I’d never imagined being so completely and utterly content. Exile? Seems it agreed with me after all.

“So,” I said to my mate. “What do you think?”

“I think I love you,” Leif said, and then touched my stomach. “And I think I love our child. Everything else doesn’t matter much.”

I smiled. “You’re easy to please.”

“I have everything I want in this bed right here with me.” He nibbled on my ear. “You know, I’d be perfectly happy if you wanted to return to Antarctica…or even back to the clan. Just as long as we’re together.”

I touched his cheek, full of love. “I like this place. We’ll see how things work out, yes?”

He nodded.

My hand slid to his neck, and I admired that tanned, beautiful skin. Sara’s comments had given me a great idea. I rolled over on the bed until I was seated atop my mate’s hips, my legs pinning him down.

“Mmm. Guess you’re not that tired,” Leif said with a grin.

“Guess not.” I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his neck.

“What are you doing?”

“I learned something today,” I told Leif, my lips brushing over the sensitive skin of his throat. I was pleased to feel the shivers of reaction my featherlight caresses coaxed from him.

“What’s that?” He sounded a bit hoarse, and his hand slid backward to cup my ass.

“That if I want something in life, I need to claim it for my own.”

“I think this sounds good. What did you have in mind?”

“The only thing that matters.” And I bit down on my mate’s neck, claiming him for myself.

His groan of pleased surprise was delicious to hear. And as his hands slid up my back, I couldn’t resist another claiming bite on his neck.

By the time the sun rose on the small cabin that was our new temporary home, Leif had been claimed so many times that no one would ever doubt again that he was entirely mine…or that I was entirely his.

** The End **

Content

Bear Naked
Midnight Liaisons - 3.5
Jessica Sims

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six