Bernadette Azizi

Undying

Book One

FOR MY PARENTS

George Jued Saad & Susan Saad

Raymond Boutros Azizi & Najibe Azizi

For all your love and support

BOOK ONE

CHAPTER ONE

Victoria

By Catherine White

1899

“Victoria! Please, your father has been kept waiting long enough, and by no means will I excuse you if we are the last to arrive at the Campbell’s,” my mother cried from the hallway.

“Coming.”

Of Mr and Mrs Campbell’s five daughters, four are bothersome and unsightly. Hence, I dreaded the thought of a whole day spent in their company, knowing that this entire charade was purely to observe the new occupants of Hayworth house, Mr and Mrs Barton. Their arrival had caused quite an unnecessary enthusiasm due solely to the fact that Mr and Mrs Barton has brought with them their eligible son, Charles Barton.

The Campbell girls need not have worried about me attempting to seek Charles Barton’s interest; I have no desire to marry.

I would never demean myself to compete for any man’s attention; my thoughts on marriage are quite grim: a man-made institution, of a life sentence in thrall to another person’s needs and wants. I have seen all too well the repercussions of a tedious match and would be content to squander my days unaccompanied than to bear that existence.

Against my better judgement and aware of my mother’s fragile state, I decided to leave my room.

To my mother’s distress we were the last to arrive.

“Victoria, I do not know why you wish for me to constantly endure this humiliation,” she whispered her disappointment as she smiled and nodded to the other guests.

“Humiliation mother? We are simply late, not unclothed,” I replied.

“Ahh!” she exclaimed in horror.

I kissed my father on his cheek and set off to find refuge with Charlotte, the youngest of the Campbell girls.

My journey would be short for I knew where Charlotte would surely be … in her room.

“Charlotte! There you are, as predicted.”

“Victoria, I am so pleased you came,” she declared in relief.

“What friend would I be if I permitted you to bear this all on your own?”

Charlotte immediately came and embraced me. She was 16 years old, two years younger than I. She was plain in appearance, but what she lacked in beauty she made up for in character. Charlotte spent most of her time hidden away in her room, avoiding her domineering sisters; it is incredible how different she is to them. Her soft timid voice was rarely heard upon leaving her bedroom.

“What is your impression of Charles Barton?” she eagerly enquiry.

“We have not yet been introduced,” I replied.

“You cannot be serious; everyone has assembled today solely to steal a glimpse of him. Surely, our town’s most desired daughter, ‘Victoria’, is not somewhat curious to know what all the excitement is about?”

“Charlotte, I assure you that Charles Barton will be conceited and unintelligent. It would do him the world of good if we did not provide him with any additional attention.”

“What about his companion, Jonathon Bates, or will you harshly judge him also without any evidence to support your claims?” she said as she played with the hem of her cream lace sleeve, a clear indication that she was uncomfortable with her tone towards me.

“Charlotte, forgive me if I have displeased you. Come, introduce me to Charles Barton and his companion and I pledge to set aside my opinion until I have met them,” I joked, placing my hand out for her to take.

Unlike her older sisters, Charlotte could in no way be upset with any person for more than a moment; it was not in her nature and neither was considering ill of anyone. On the other hand, I would judge and would judge hastily. Sometimes I feel unworthy of her friendship, but she is all I have. With no brothers or sisters and a mother that is unapproachable, I needed Charlotte and I know she also needed me.

As we started to make our way to the garden, we found our path blocked by Charlotte’s eldest sister, Emma. She was too tall, too skinny and unpleasing to the eye. At 23, with no prospect of a proposal in sight, she was struggling to conceal her extreme anxiety.

“Good morning, Victoria.”

“Good morning, Emma.”

“It’s dreadfully chilly outside, Charlotte; I fear you may catch a cold. Maybe you should stay inside with Victoria,” she announced in her dull tone.

“No … Victoria has not yet been introduced to Charles Barton and Jonathon Bates,” Charlotte mumbled, slightly uncertain.

“Oh Emma, you agonise over too many things. Charlotte and I will be perfectly fine. However, if you believe the temperature is too cold, maybe you ought to settle indoors for awhile,” I smiled naively, holding on to Charlotte’s arm as we continued our way to the garden.

As we enjoyed our drinks in the cool breeze, I noticed Charlotte scouting for the new additions to our town. I was curious to see what she planned to do when she found them; surely she couldn’t possibly do the introductions herself.

“I am going to go ahead and see if I can find Charles Barton and his companion,” Charlotte excitedly announced.

“Charlotte, please. Can it not wait?” I protested. But to no avail; she had set off in her search. That was out of character for Charlotte.

While I continued to leisurely stroll through the garden, admiring the beautifully coloured spring flowers, my eyes accidently caught my mother’s, who was still clearly quite wounded about my causing her to arrive late and, I am certain, was still struggling to settle in with the crowd. So, in my cowardly attempt to avoid her unwanted attention, I turned away swiftly. Swiftly was a dreadful idea, as my glass of red punch, which I might add had been immensely enjoyable, was now travelling out of the glass in my hand. I closed my eyes like a child, not wanting to know the outcome of my poor actions.

“Will you not open your eyes to see where your drink has found itself?” A gentleman’s voice whispered close to my ear; so close that an unexpected shiver moved through my body.

His voice was foreign to me. Intrigued I slowly opened my eyes in an attempt to reclaim my dignity. Discomfited by my poor actions I did what any fine English woman would do, I shifted the blame.

“Oh my! What have you done?” I asked.

He did not react instantly. He quietly looked into my eyes for a few moments, then, ever so slowly, his lips curved up with a culpable smile. He was not familiar to me, so I assumed he was either Charles Barton or Jonathon Bates. Either way, I felt that I may have to retract my words. He stood tall like my father, with dark wavy hair, brown eyes and his nose was sharp and perfect.

“My apologies, please forgive me,” he replied with a grin.

“Of course,” I replied in a childlike manner.

“There you are,” Charlotte interrupted, looking strangely awkward and uncomfortable.

A strange looking man came up beside her. For him my initial judgement still stood, he was ill at ease, unpleasing to the eye and seemed to be suffering from some kind of illness. He stood, holding his handkerchief, constantly sneezing and blowing his reddened nose, with a rough cough that could be heard some distance away. His eyes were dark and disturbing.

“Have I missed the introduction?” he said with a deep, congested voice.

My primary concern now was not to catch what he had!

“No, not at all,” the handsome man replied, turning away from me, clearly against his will.

Both gentlemen stood patiently while Charlotte summoned the courage to complete the introductions. Ever so quietly she let out:

“My dearest friend, Miss Victoria Knight, I would like to introduce you to Mr Jonathon Bates and Mr Charles Barton,” Charlotte declared. Both gentlemen nodded.

“Victoria, thank you,” Jonathon Bates announced as he raised my hand to his lips. I nodded, unsure what to make of his comment.

“Why … are you thanking me?” I asked curiously.

“For giving me a reason to visit again.” With a warm smile and a gesture he excused himself, strangely leaving behind Mr Barton, who seemed awkward and perplexed.

“It’s my pleasure to meet you also,” Charles said, wanting to kiss my hand. I did not indulge him, nodding with a forged grin as an alternative, hoping that would suffice. Fortunately it did, and he left in a hurry, following Jonathon.

“Victoria, if I had heard it from anyone’s lips I would never have believed it, but to have seen with my own eyes,” Charlotte whispered.

“Charlotte, please stop speaking in riddles.”

“Jonathon Bates has made an impression on you, and more importantly you seem to have made an impression on him.”

“Charlotte Campbell, I implore you, please refrain from expressing your silly notions regarding matters of the heart.”

“Catherine, we’re here!” Annie yelled, interrupting my story.

I looked up to see a sign saying “International Terminal”.

“What — No! Drive around; I’m working on my story! Please?” I pleaded. I seemed to always be begging for one thing or another these days. Annie continued to make her way to the international drop-off with her eyebrows creased, a gesture she often used when she was making things seem more complicated then what they really were. When she found where she wanted to drop me off, she turned off the car engine and turned her body towards me.

“You could not have been serious. No! I have just driven through two red lights to get you here, now get out and catch your flight, before you lose your new job!” she cried.

I closed my little white laptop and turned to her, pausing for a moment. Was that the last order that I would be getting from her for an entire year? I hope so! Even though Annie was only a few years older than me, she seemed to think I was 10 years old and she treated me as such. She had always acted so much more maturely than me. Never spoiling or putting herself before other people’s needs, especially mine. I wondered if there would be any goodbye tears.

“Now look here Catherine, you are a great teacher… the best I know. You need to remember that no matter what happens at the college, don’t ever lose faith in that.”

Oh no, maybe I will cry.

“Catherine, you will be back before you know it. We are both going to be so busy this whole year; we are not even going to have a chance to miss each other or even communicate.”

I nodded, agreeing. I had felt so guilty knowing that I had probably kept Annie from her missionary work in Africa, but now that I am leaving, she can too.

“You’ll be OK, won’t you?” I asked, unexpectedly.

“I will be more than OK, however, I will miss your intriguing dreams and your story. Promise me that when you finish writing Victoria, you will find a way to send me a copy to read! To be truthful, I don’t know how you will cope at that college with all those old English teachers,” she joked.

“Thanks for the encouragement — and now that you mention it, and only since you mentioned it, my story is starting to take shape. Would you like me to read what I have just added?” I sneakily asked.

“No! Get out,” she yelled as she leaned over me and opened my door herself, all the while laughing.

We were now both laughing, not that anything was all that amusing.

“OK, OK, I’m leaving,” I stated. When I finally got my bags from the car, I stuck my head in through the passenger-side window.

“I’m going to miss you,” I said, before walking quickly away from the car. I could feel a lump in my throat start to form and my eyes start to well with tears. Not wanting Annie to see, I didn’t look back.

The queue for check-in was stretched and congested. I felt awful that just like that, Annie was gone. Was it that easy to have someone, so involved in your day-to-day life, suddenly not be a part of it?

I was 25 and this would be my first trip overseas. Pathetic really. My parents always wanted me to travel. The thought of them wasn’t going to make this easier for me now; so I shook their image out of my head. I know they would have been proud of me for following my dream.

Finally, I heard a voice call out, “Next!”

It was my turn, my bags got weighed in and my boarding pass was in hand. I felt a little unexpected excitement come over me. I began to make my way to the passenger departure to get my hand luggage security checked. Once all the formalities were completed, it was ‘duty free heaven’. I’m sure that the lighting in this section was twice as bright as what it was in the rest of the airport.

I continued to make my way to gate ten, knowing that I didn’t have long for boarding.

Unluckily for me, gate ten was on the other side of the airport. As I finally joined the other passengers I stopped to catch my breath. Once it was caught, I noticed an elderly man in front of me. He was quite well dressed and looked to be in his nineties, and I immediately wondered whether he was fit to fly. Was there not an age cut-off for flying? I guess not. Strangely, he kept peering back towards me, over his wire-framed glasses. I hoped that what I just thought about him couldn’t be read on my face.

Looking away, I noticed an elderly woman behind me. Goodness me, I hope there will be some kind of medical staff on board. It was then that I realised that he wasn’t looking at me, but rather, he was trying to signal to the older woman behind me, who must be his wife.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise that I had split the two of you. Please go ahead of me,” I insisted to the man’s wife. As I stepped to allow her through, her arm brushed mine by accident. I felt a sudden and unusual chill from her touch.

“Thank you, dear. That is very kind of you,” she uttered, in a beautiful English accent.

“You’re welcome,” I answered, instantly forced to forget about the chills. The lady smiled at me and it was so warming. She then turned towards her husband who seemed very pleased to have her back by his side.

As the queue slowly moved forward, I continued to be preoccupied by this older couple. They were so polite and charming. They also seemed to take a lot of care in their presentation. She was casually dressed, but things seemed to match effortlessly. Her neat navy pants and blue and white striped silk shirt, and I loved her little brown leather handbag that she had across her chest. It all seemed so practical.

Once on the plane, I made my way down the aisle to seat D65, toward the back of the plane. I had made a conscious decision to stay away from the window and get a centre aisle seat so that I wouldn’t disturb anyone as I got in and out of my seat. The overhead compartment was open, so I pushed my bag in among the others, praying it would stay secure. Picking up the complementary items from my seat, I sat down. Closing my eyes, I took a deep, long breath and gave myself a few seconds before I opened them again. When I did I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was seated with the older couple that I had previously split up in the boarding queue. The gentleman had the opposite aisle seat and his wife sat between us.

“We meet again,” the Englishwoman said with a warm smile of approval.

“Are you travelling alone?” she politely asked, as her husband tried to pack away the bags in their overhead compartment.

“Yes… I have taken a teaching job for a year at Wimborne Minster Boys’ College.”

“How lovely, that is quite courageous of you.”

“Have you travelled to England before?”

“No, no but I’ve always wanted to.”

She lightly touched my arm and introduced herself as Elizabeth Hutting. Again, the unusual chills crept up my arm, but her warm smile instantly melted them away. She looked over to her husband, who was finally seated, and introduced him as Edward.

“It’s my pleasure to meet you, I’m Catherine.”

“It is our pleasure to meet you, Catherine,” Edward replied.

Edward was surprisingly very tall, despite my thinking that he should have shrunk in size given his age. He seemed to fidget a lot, continually looking around, touching and patting everything in front of him. If I didn’t know better I would say he was afraid to fly. On the other hand, Elizabeth sat quietly, her posture relaxed, with little movement.

Minutes later the captain recited his welcome announcements. Once all the formalities were over with, I nestled back into my seat ready for takeoff. I sat quietly for a while, lost in thoughts of my story, Annie and my parents. When I was younger, I had this ridiculous theory that after my parents died, if I got on a plane and was high enough in the sky, I would be closer to them. I smiled at my silly theory and at myself. At the age of 14, it was such a stupid idea that gave me comfort, but now, sadly, I couldn’t have that same reassurance. As I looked down the narrow aisle, I could see the stewardess slowly heading towards me with her silver trolley. Knowing what foods were being offered this evening, I had opted for the crusted beef and ale pie with mash rather than the fish — I didn’t want to risk irritating my stomach.

As I ate what was a really dry meat pie, I overheard a man to my left, in the outer row of seats, imploring a passenger next to him to stay awake for the next 13 hours, as it would give them the best chance of limiting their jetlag and synchronise with Ireland’s timezone. His reasoning was justified but unachievable, I would think.

Maybe sleep was my only option.

And sleep was one thing I hadn’t had enough of recently. I was looking forward to this opportunity to catch up, regardless of any later consequences of jetlag.

When I looked over to my right, Elizabeth had her earphones on and was engrossed in some film and poor Edward seemed to be fighting with his control device. No goodnights were needed, so I lay back in my seat and closed my eyes. I loved sleep, even though I was far from good at it. My nights are always filled with conundrums of another time; Victoria, a woman that has seemed to occupy my dreams most nights, of horses and carriages, balls and royalty. Consequently, most of my spare time had consisted of trying to piece the dream puzzles into a story. My mind never seemed to stop. I had sought the advice of a dream expert at one stage, but she had been no help at all. Forty-five dollars for a fifteen-minute session, and all I got was a bit of light entertainment, listening to her banter. Her advice to write down what I dreamt had now become an obsession — a story.

Time for sleep now…

When I woke, my body felt cramped from the awkward position I had slept in. I looked around. Most of the passengers I could see were still asleep and the plane’s cabin lights were still dimmed. I looked to find that Elizabeth wasn’t in her seat. She couldn’t have gone far, I imagined.

“Good morning Catherine, I trust you slept well?” Edward asked in his refined English accent.

“Yes, thank you,” I lied. “And you?”

“Well enough, my dear. Elizabeth was not as fortunate. She woke several hours ago and could not get back to sleep,” Edward said as he rose from his seat, scanning for his beloved. Elizabeth was now in sight, and she looked different — somewhat pale and tired. Edward stepped out into the aisle to let his wife in.

“Good morning Catherine, did you sleep well?” Elizabeth asked, as she exhaustedly sank down into her chair.

“Yes, thank you I did, and you?” I replied, already knowing the answer to my question.

“No, not at all! Unfortunately I woke, for who knows what reason, and could not for the life of me get back to sleep,” she said as she took a deep breath and sighed. She was obviously drained.

“I was envious watching you and Edward in deep sleep,” she stated with a smirk on her face, looking directly at me, with one eyebrow raised.

“You were quite entertaining,” she added.

“Oh, no! Please don’t tell me I was talking in my sleep?” I pleaded, mortified at the prospect. It was something Annie had told me about often enough.

She nodded and then leaned over to me reassuringly.

“It’s perfectly fine dear.”

Her voice became lower and she moved closer to me. We must have looked like two friends sharing a secret, not wanting another soul to hear what was being said between us.

“Can you remember what you dreamt about?”

“Not anything that would make any sense to relate. I am so very sorry to have kept you awake with my talking. I am almost terrified to ask you what I was saying.”

She paused for a moment, almost unsure if she should share with me what she had heard.

“Well, firstly you started humming,” she finally said.

“Humming? Oh no, I am so embarrassed,” I said, covering my face with one hand.

“Please don’t be. I have to confess, you made me feel so happy and alive. You see… the melody you were humming was a tune that recalled my fondest memories as a young child. I should be the embarrassed one!” she confessed.

“It brought tears to my eyes. Catherine, I just can’t comprehend how you would know that tune,” she added.

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

Elizabeth paused, as she corrected her posture. She was obviously a very proud woman who was always conscious of her appearance and stance. She looked over at Edward who was now immersed in his novel, and then back at me.

“And then…” she continued, “you were terribly saddened. You seemed to be in a great deal of pain. You were trembling and I was tempted to wake you when you suddenly stopped.”

I shook my head still not remembering.

Edward poked his head up from over Elizabeth’s shoulder, curious to know what we were quietly talking about. He did not ask and we did not say, so he returned to his novel and with perfect timing, breakfast was served.

As I ate, I started to think about what Elizabeth had said. Not that it had made much sense. It was more the melody that intrigued me.

What was the tune I was humming, was it something I could put into my story, maybe dancing, I don’t know?

The rest of the flight seemed to last forever. I never realised how exhausting it was to watch the minutes go by. Fortunately, I closed my eyes to rest them. What am I doing? Is this really the right thing for me to do? Should I have stayed in Australia?

I opened my eyes to force myself to stop thinking. And just like that Elizabeth was there waiting for me with her smile. If only she knew how much she is helping me right now. “Are you alright, dear?” she whispered.

The announcement then sounded, asking for all passengers to put their seatbelts on and return their seats to an upright position. We were starting our descent.

I was finally here! It was almost too hard to believe that I was about to set foot on British soil. The plane began to whine, a sudden thump and then a loud screech as the tyres touched the ground. We had landed. I had arrived.

In an instant, the plane became chaotic, with every last passenger out of his or her seat and organising their things to exit. The relaxed, quiet environment that had been enjoyed by all just a few moments ago was now long gone and sheer pandemonium had replaced it. Everyone was in a hurry to leave.

Did I miss something?

Even Elizabeth and Edward had joined the pandemonium.

Was there a lucky prize for the first person off the plane that I didn’t know about? Or was it that all the passengers except me had loved ones anxiously waiting for them at the airport and they could not wait to be reunited? I have no one to be reunited with. That’s a little depressing I thought.

On that note, I decided there was a prize on offer for the first passenger off the plane. There was no way I was going to win today though; the competition was too fierce. I decided to wait. It didn’t matter to me if I was the last person off this plane.

Edward and Elizabeth were sweet. They offered to let me through in front of them. I declined with thanks and told them that I did not mind waiting, encouraging them to go ahead and expressed how lovely it was to have met them. Edward gave me his card and insisted that I contact them at some point. They were now being forced to continue moving down the aisle by the impatient passengers behind them.

I waited ten minutes or so, till the crowd cleared. Usually I hated waiting. I was the most impatient person I knew. When finally the coast was clear, there seemed to be only a small handful of other passengers who also didn’t mind waiting.

Once inside the airport, I tried to keep pace with the small group in front of me, hoping they would lead me straight to my luggage. Thankfully they did.

I headed for the doors. My walk was swift and as I approached the automatic door it welcomed me by opening at just the right time.

“Ahh!” I screamed as I had my first taste of the new climate outside. It was freezing! The ice-cold air went through my clothes into my bones. I turned right around to head back into the warmth of the airport, but the welcoming doors that opened for me at the perfect time moments ago weren’t so welcoming this time. I had to walk back a couple of steps for the door sensors to detect me so I could return to the warm air inside.

“You might want to change before you go out again. The restrooms are just behind you,” advised a uniformed worker, who had obviously been entertained by my trouble getting back inside the glass doors.

“Thank you. That sounds like a brilliant idea,” I replied, slightly embarrassed.

I got to the restrooms quickly. Once there, I looked in the mirror and shook my head in disappointment.

What are you thinking Catherine? Are you actually going to show up at the college looking like this? I don’t think so!

I placed my bag on the bathroom floor and opened it. I washed my face with some cool water and dried it with a paper towel. I put on some skin cream that, according to the packaging, promised to make me glow.

Intent on making a perfect first impression, I chose something warm, proper and beautiful. Surely, the entire faculty would be there on my arrival. I decided on my cream pants, white blouse, navy blazer and chocolate brown boots. Memories of the slap of cold wind I got when I first tried to exit the airport prompted me to also grab my gloves and scarf. Done! I zipped my bag up and had one final look in the mirror. Mission accomplished. I looked like a cross between a polo player and a wannabe Ralph Lauren model.

This time I felt prepared and ready to walk out of those doors. I looked up at the time on the boards. It was 6 o’clock, which meant that if I left now I should arrive at the college by 8 o’clock.

Outside it was still fairly dark and misty and the morning air was crisp on my face. Funny enough, what I could see didn’t really look like what I thought it would. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. It was very modern and quite ordinary.

Silly really. I guess I must have been expecting horses, carriages, castles, and a few royals. That was quite ignorant I supposed. Nevertheless, I was here and I was sure that whatever I was looking for was here too.

To my left I noticed a man dressed in a dark driver’s uniform staring at me with a paper sign in with my name written on it. I started to slowly walk towards him when he noticed me, and a relieved expression came over his face.

“Miss White?” he exclaimed.

“Yes.”

“I have been sent to collect you and take you to Wimborne College.”

“Oh… Wow! Thank you!”

In a matter of minutes, he had packed my bags in the car boot and we were off. It was such a relief: I could only imagine how much a taxi would have cost. I had always had an aversion to public transport. I refused to take a bus or train — a taxi was the only form of public transport I accepted. My attitude had always annoyed Annie, and, remembering my best friend, I sent her a text message to let her know that I had arrived safely.

The driver was quite formal and refrained from small talk. No tour, not even “how was your flight?” I kept twisting my head left and right, not wanting to miss anything on either side of the road. To my left seemed to be miles of neatly cut grasslands and to my right countless trees. We seemed to have a clear run, unlike the cars heading east that were caught in bumper-to-bumper traffic. The display of flora on either side of me then turned into residential homes on my right, and to my left, sheep grazing on small perfectly rounded hills with an intermittent cluster of homes. As I leaned closer to the window the coldness of the glass startled me. I can’t believe I’m here! I wanted to feel nervous and surprised, but strangely enough I wasn’t. I am not sure why that is so. Was it because I was not impressed with what I was seeing? Or was it because I was expecting something more?

Despite this, something wasn’t right. I looked out the car window a little disappointed, waiting for something exceptional, something historical. I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath.

Why are my expectations so high for this country?

Every so often I would get a glimpse through the trees and indulge in the view of the sloping, rich green hills scattered with livestock. A blanket of light fog and mist was the only hint of cold that I had experienced earlier. Previously, my knowledge of England amounted to what I had read in books, seen in movies and my dreams. I could see now none of those things had done it justice; it was just breathtaking. The countryside was beautiful, full of substance, and it filled me with euphoria and fascination.

“We’ll be there in less than an hour, Miss,” the driver unexpectedly announced to me.

“Thank you,” I replied.

I closed my eyes and thought about Victoria, and what I may have dreamt last night. What did I miss that I would have been able to add to my story? Excitedly, I pulled out my laptop and continued with my story.

I must be ill! At present there cannot be any other sensible explanation for my behaviour. My vulnerability annoyed me. Mother has sent for the doctor so many times that he is now constructing reasons to avoid seeing me, in fear of my insults. I am not in the least pleased with my actions, but I do not seem to have any command over them.

“Victoria, I do not know what else to do. My nerves cannot hold up for much longer, please tell me what is happening to you,” my unfortunate mother said from the door of my room.

“It is embarrassing, I am certain the whole town is talking about us! You have not left the house since the Campbell’s tea party; this is all I need to add to my list.” She continued to rant as she constantly straightened her dress and pulled back her hair.

I don’t ever recall my mother standing still.

“Mother, nothing is happening, I do not have an appetite, that is all.”

“Charles Barton has come to see you almost every day since the Campbell’s tea party, why will you not see him? It’s upsetting.” Her eyes widened and I knew what her expression meant: she was due for one of her fits.

“I have no interest in him, I loathe him.”

“Hush Victoria, any sensible lady would be honoured to have Charles Barton at their doorstep. But you are annoyed. If he should call on you again today, what am I to say? My excuses have been exhausted!”

“Will you not try telling the truth today? Tell him I despise him,” I replied.

My mother left enraged but I don’t want him, I want nothing to do with Charles Barton, his very name makes me cringe. Why won’t he leave me alone?”

As I slowly walked to my window, the deepest emptiness filled me, and the fear that this sentiment may never disappear frightened me. If only Charlotte were back from her vacation to Bath and was here to speak sense to me and shake me out of my bizarre behaviour.

My mind seemed to be constantly occupied with nothing; I wanted to leave, I longed to be somewhere, I wanted Charles Barton to go back to the cavern that he had left and most of all… I… I wanted Jonathon Bates.

Finally it was said. The one notion that has been occupying my thoughts since the day we met. I want him and only him. How was it possible that an impression so strong can be made in only a few moments? Even though I am ready to put aside all my pride and forged notions to be with him, why did he leave that day so quickly? Why did he say he would visit again and did not. Why did I have to meet him if I could not have him? I cannot believe that it has been almost two weeks since we first met at the Campbell’s. And with my confession came what I dreaded most — another visit from Charles Barton. The bell rang as it had done every day for the past two weeks in the late morning. Could Jonathon be at the Barton’s dinner party tomorrow evening or will I be forced to tolerate such boredom and torment without any allies? But today will be different, for today I will not hide from Charles Barton. I will give him the answer to the question that I know he wants to ask, and I will take pleasure in my reply.

“Excuse me miss, a Mr Jonathon Bates is here to see you,” a servant announced from my doorway.

“I beg your pardon?”

“A Mr Jonathon Bates, Miss,” he repeated.

“Ah, um, I won’t be a moment,” I stammered.

“Very good Miss.”

“Excuse me, Miss? My apologies for interrupting, but the scenery is quite beautiful here,” the driver interrupted.

“Oh, OK, thank you,” I said, quickly closing my laptop. I couldn’t thank the driver enough; the village that we were going through was incredible! There were consistent terraces down every laneway. There was a scene of elegance and history around every corner. Private little gardens had pedal bikes parked out the front, leaning on iron rails. The one thing to distinguish these homes from each other was the colour of door the occupants had chosen.

Not long now…

For some reason, it was at that point I started thinking about the sleeping and living arrangements.

Will I be the only female teacher? Where will I sleep? Will I be surrounded by men? How will I cope with that?

Questions that had never crossed my mind before now seemed exceptionally important to me. Living on the school grounds with the majority of the teachers being male was going to be quite a challenge. Being an only child and then living with my unmarried aunt after my parents died, I had now come to realise that I was throwing myself in the deep end. At least I was arriving on a Saturday, and with a public holiday on Monday, I would have a few days to get over the flight, settle in and find my way around the college. I looked back out my window, the countryside continued to impress me. We drove over arched stone bridges and little creeks that were flowing with crystal clear water, edged with tall reeds and pretty spring flowers. Passing through some quaint villages I saw that they were mixed with little old cottages with thatch roofs, prestige homes and in the distance grand-looking stone castles. The sun still hadn’t shown itself, but a few locals were out and about.

Turning off the main road, I felt as if we were getting close. The loose gravel on the road suggested that this road was private and not regularly used. On the horizon, I could now see the building that I hoped was the college.

“Are we here?” I asked, a little anxious.

“Yes, we most definitely are.”

As the car came to a halt, the driver offered to take my bags in for me, which I declined. I didn’t want to be rushed; I wanted to admire the building for a while.

CHAPTER TWO

How long have I been standing here for? Strange, I don’t even remember the driver leaving or saying goodbye. Maybe he did. That’s embarrassing. I must have been so taken by the grounds.

They were exquisite.

I closed my eyes and took in a long and deep breath. With a smile forming involuntarily, I looked at the magnificent building before me that was to be my home for the next 12 months. I did not want to rush this moment. The college was colossal.

It was built entirely of sandstone, cathedral style, with gargoyles and sculptures adoring every corner and turret. Stunning stain-glass windows ensured privacy within and added an array of colour and beauty against the golden brown walls. The architecture was absolutely amazing and the symmetry and size of the building in height and width was breathtaking. The formal gardens surrounding the building almost outshone the building itself: mature trees and shrubs cut into perfect angular and round shapes, several shades of green lawn carpeting the grounds. So typically English!

Not a soul was in sight, so I gathered that everyone must still be asleep. Upon closer inspection, I could see that there were three separate buildings on the grounds of the college. They were all joined on the bottom level by a glass walkway and the overall shape resembled a horseshoe. An immaculately groomed grassed area lay in the centre, stretching out for miles. It looked like a fortress. In the centre of the lawn was an incredible marble fountain. It was adorned with sculptures of mythical creatures with water sprouting from different parts, creating an extravagant water feature. Around the fountain were dark cobblestone walkways that lead to the buildings. The college was magnificent. In the centre, a large wooden board carved with the coat of arms and gilded in gold leaf on a claret-coloured backing representing the school emblem, stood proud and high in front of the building.

I noticed from the first building to my right, a dim light was shining. It was coming from one of the windows and I wondered if I was been watched.

Suddenly a voice rang out.

“You’re here, you’re here. Please, you must get out of the cold! Oh, I do apologise. I wasn’t expecting you for another half an hour.”

A strange looking lady was walking very quickly towards me.

“Oh dear!” she exclaimed as she came to a complete stop, gasping for air. She was on the heavy side and short, with dark curly hair and porcelain white skin with a big smile plastered across her face, she wore an unflattering white dress with red stripes. A little red cardigan tightly covered her shoulders and matching shiny red ballet flats protected her feet from the cold.

“Oh! Dear, I must say, I am quite unfit,” she admitted. Her cheeks were so rosy. As she reached me, still gasping for air, she did the unthinkable. She hugged me! It was not a gentle hug either, more of a heavy embrace that almost stopped my circulation. When she finally pulled away, she started rambling again.

“My name is Julie Kent, but please call me Jules. We are going to be such great friends. I have organised everything. Your room is next door to mine. Mr Kemp, the science teacher, was a bit sore that he had to move down the hall but he will soon recover. You must be so tired and hungry. Are you hungry?”

“No, I’m fine,” I replied, glad she had finally drawn breath to let me get a word in.

“Oh, I have longed for another female teacher, and here you are, finally! I will have another woman on my side. Between you and me, some of our gentlemen teachers here were born in the dark ages and, if I may say, a bit conservative. Oh, but not our principal, James, oh I beg your pardon, Mr Barclay. We are very lucky to have him. Indeed he is younger than our last principal and one must never ask about age of course,” she said as she smiled, grabbed one of my luggage bags and started walking back through the door from whence she came.

I immediately followed with the other bag, walking directly behind her.

What a character! I hope I have a lock on my door…

“Come in, come in. This is the main building, our ‘foyer’ if you like. I will take you straight to your room to settle in. I will collect you for breakfast in half an hour or so,” she asserted as she went up the stairs, recklessly banging my new suitcase on every step.

“Miss Kent… oh, I mean Jules, I ate on the plane and am quite full,” I interrupted. I was not ready to have breakfast with everyone.

“I see…” She sounded unconvinced. “I will take you to your room where you can unpack and freshen up, and I will come and collect you in a few hours for a tour,” she continued.

“Perfect!” I agreed with a smile.

Lucky for me and my bags, I only had to go up one flight of stairs for my room. The corridor was long and narrow and the lighting was dimmed. The doors spaciously spread out with stunning decorative wall lamps and beautiful artwork between every few. The doors were stained in a deep dark cedar with ornate carvings and a number in polished gold on each door.

“Catherine dear, this is your room, number two, and I am next door to you in room number three. Our wonderful principal, Mr Barclay, is in room number one on your other side. You are completely surrounded! You can’t escape! Just teasing!” she joked, all the while laughing hysterically. She was very touchy-feely, constantly grabbing my arm, squeezing my hand and it was making me feel somewhat uncomfortable. I was only ever relaxed with my mother’s hands around me; even my few failed attempts at relationships were cut short due to my so-called lack of affection.

Finally, Jules gave me the key to my room and a quick reminder that she would be back to collect me in a couple of hours for my tour. As soon as she was out of sight, I opened my door, took my bags in and closed the door, locking it from the inside.

At last I was in my room and it was unbelievable. In the centre of one wall in the room stood a four-post bed with pale blue and silver linen and an abundance of differently-shaped pillows and cushions. Small timber bedside tables with four drawers sat on each side with a lamp on one. A matching freestanding cupboard stood on the other side of the room along with the most exquisite little writing desk and chair. And from the ceiling hung a beautiful chandelier. The walls were lined in a beautiful rich timber panelling on the lower side, with the upper part lavishly wallpapered and a gorgeous decorative mirror on one wall perfectly framed the reflection of the room. The door across from me was equally beautiful and, it was safe to assume, led to the bathroom.

I half unpacked my belongings, and then went across to the window to catch a glimpse of the outlook from my new home. I looked out to the grounds. The weather was grey, but the scenery was magnificent. The deep green grassland went for miles and from here I could see the full extent of the college’s flawlessly groomed gardens that seemed to spread out for several acres. So many different shades of green blended effortlessly into the distant horizon. I gazed out the window for a while until I started to feel restless. I yawned and stretched out my arms. I took off my blazer and boots and jumped onto my bed. I felt spoilt. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, just to rest them. I decided to remain lying down with my eyes closed until Jules and all her enthusiasm came to collect me.

My breathing became deep and definite. I felt my mind drift and my body admit defeat. I can’t recall ever being as exposed or as vulnerable as I am now — being in a strange country and not knowing a single soul. I am in a different environment in every way possible, yet I have never felt so at home.

I continued to take pleasure in this feeling until my short-lived serenity and contentedness was ended by the sound of a door slamming nearby. I sat up quickly. It must have been Jules next door.

Oh no, Jules! What time was it?

I searched for my mobile phone to see, but I couldn’t find it in my half-unpacked state. I decided to just head out and see if I could find her, but for some reason the door wouldn’t open. I played around with the key, but still nothing. It seemed to be jammed. I grabbed hold of the doorknob tightly and with all my strength pulled it open.

“Ahh!” I screamed in pain as I fell backwards to the floor, hitting the back of my head on the end of the timber bedpost, doorknob in hand. The pain shot through my head, immediately throbbing. It was unbearable, I felt sick. I held on to the back of my head, applying pressure while trying to moan quietly. With one hand on the back of my head and the other helping me crawl across the floor, I headed back to the door.

What have I done?

I tried to put the doorknob back in, but it was useless. The pain was forcing me to shut my eyes; I couldn’t focus enough to put it back in place. I got onto my knees and with both hands carefully attempted to fix it. I then noticed there was blood on my hand. Panicking, I accidentally pushed out the handle from the other side into the hallway, making matters worse.

Damn it!

Displeased with myself, I sat down on the floor in front of the door and held onto the back of my head to stop the bleeding. My cursing was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. If the pain wasn’t going to kill me, my humiliation surely would if anyone heard or saw me right now.

But it was too late.

“Is everything alright?” asked a troubled voice from the other side of the door.

“Um… Ahh… No not really… I… I can’t get out,” I admitted.

“You wouldn’t happen to have the other side to this doorknob in there?” the voice asked, tongue-in-cheek.

“I do!” I cried, looking into my hand.

I turned towards the door, still on my knees, and put my side of the handle back. The mystery man put his side of the handle back too. Once the handle was functional again, the door opened slowly. I was still on the ground, and struggled to get out of the way as it opened. I was too embarrassed to face the mystery man who had just witnessed my incredible display of stupidity.

I found it difficult to get up off the floor, so I sat there. The pain was still severe. I didn’t want to raise my head to explain to whoever was there what had happened.

“Please… allow me,” he said as he bent down to help me up.

I wish I were a horse; the honourable thing to do right now would be to shoot me.

“I’m so sorry, I am so embarrassed. I tried to open the door, but it seemed to be jammed — I am so embarrassed!” I muttered quickly, finally able to raise my head, which I regretted immediately.

The man was very handsome, making it all the more embarrassing. His eyes were strangely familiar, making it difficult for me to look away. I was sure the dumb-founded look on my face was doing nothing to make me look less of a fool. I closed my eyes and put my head down again. I felt sick.

“You’re bleeding! Wait here,” he ordered.

“Miss Kent!” the voice yelled further down the corridor.

“What is it? Is everything alright?”

“Catherine has hurt herself. Please go and get Dr Simons and have him come to her room immediately,” the gentleman calmly requested.

“Yes, of course, right away!” I could hear Jules shuffling quickly past my door and down the corridor.

I lifted my head again and opened my eyes. This time he had a comforting smile on his face, but his eyes were full of concern.

“Who are you?” I asked. I could feel tears in my eyes start to well. I wish I could take back today and start again. Between the pain in my head and the humiliation, I felt stupid and clumsy.

He didn’t answer. He continued to stare at me like he was expecting me to say something.

What was so hard about the question? Surely he knew who he was!

“Who are you?” I repeated, shocked at my tone and impatience.

He let out a heavy sigh and straightened his posture.

“I am James Barclay, the college principal.”

The principal! He’s the principal? What in God’s name have I gotten myself into? I can’t look at him without my heart thumping and he is my boss!

I couldn’t look away from him, even though I’m sure I was making him uncomfortable. “Catherine, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. All that matters now… is to stop your pain and that you are alright,” he whispered.

I could have easily started crying again. His voice was calming, his words comforting. I was feeling a strong affection for this person.

OK, I have just hit my head. That explains why I am entertaining such nonsense.

As I started to get up, I could see that Mr Barclay was confused as to whether he should grab my arm to help or not.

“Take it slowly,” he said with his magical voice.

I was determined to salvage whatever dignity I had left. I started to pull myself up from the floor, but as I did so I lost my balance and without thinking I held out my hand to him for support. Mr Barclay quickly came to my assistance, grabbing my hand to stop me from falling. He placed his other arm around my lower back and brought my body close to his so as to lean on him. Even with all this pain, my body trembled from his touch.

“Slowly,” he ordered, as he guided me to my bed.

“Now, how do you want to do this?” he asked as we finally arrived at my bed.

“Excuse me?” I replied, stunned. “Do what?”

“Would you like to sit on your bed or lie down?” he explained, amused by my assumption.

“Oh… yes of course. I’ll sit,” I replied, mortified by my misunderstanding.

As he helped me sit down on the bed, I could see that he still had a smirk on his face. He then took a couple of steps back from me — his smile warmed the whole room. He was so handsome. Thankfully my ridiculous thoughts were interrupted by Jules’s high-pitched voice. I could hear a second voice that I assumed must be the doctor’s.

“Knock, knock!” Jules sang as she and a strange-looking man entered the room.

“My apologies for taking so long. He’d started his morning walk and it took me some time to find him,” Jules said, looking over at the doctor, sounding unimpressed.

“What seems to be the problem, my dear?” the doctor enquiry as he placed his worn black leather bag beside me and opened it.

“It’s silly. I’m OK now and I am so sorry to have troubled you,” I replied sheepishly. I could feel the redness returning to my cheeks, signalling another round of embarrassment.

The doctor gave Mr Barclay a puzzled look. Mr Barclay was now standing beside my desk. From where I was sitting I could now see that he was tall and had broad shoulders. He dressed well, very well. Like something you would see in a Vogue spread.

“Dr Simons, I am guessing Catherine is feeling guilty that she has taken you away from your walk this morning,” Mr Barclay suggested as he started to walk towards me.

“Catherine, Miss Kent and I will leave you now so Dr Simons can examine you. I’m sure everything is fine, nevertheless I would be happier knowing that the doctor has checked you over.”

“Yes, Catherine, I agree. I will come back and check on you later on and there is no rush for that tour. You should rest and recover from whatever just happened,” Jules said as she made her way out of my room.

Mr Barclay was speaking to Dr Simons, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Jules was still talking as she left.

The examination didn’t take long, and once the doctor was filled in on my self-abuse, he looked me over and warned me that I would be sore for a few days but that there was nothing to worry about. My head had stopped bleeding and there was no need for stitches. Dr Simons gave me strict instructions to do nothing but rest for the day in case I had sustained any concussion. He seemed quite shy; his voice low and gentle. He was constantly pushing back his glasses which were obviously too big for him.

“Thank you, I am really sorry to have cut short your walk,” I smiled sincerely.

“It’s perfectly fine. You can make it up to me by going on a walk with me soon. The grounds really are magnificent. Anyway, it was lovely to meet you. The other teachers will be envious that we have met already,” he said with a mischievous smile on his face.

“Please, don’t tell anyone about today,” I pleaded.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Catherine. Mr Barclay was quite clear on that matter. He had a quick word to me just then about that, and I am not about to upset the principal! Your secret is safe with me,” he promised as he packed his bag and left the room.

Finally, I was alone. I got off my bed and stood up straight. I still felt a little light-headed and it ached. I wanted to take a minute and try and make sense of the chaos that I had just caused, but thinking about it was just making me anxious about my stupidity. Talk about an entrance. Having everyone’s attention like that would be up there with what I hate most.

I went to my window and stared out hoping it would stop me from being so angry with myself. It was now raining, and I loved the rain. Most people I knew saw rain as miserable, but I saw it as homely and comforting, especially in this beautiful setting.

The grass in the grounds was deep green. It was lush. I’d seen nothing like it in Sydney where dry conditions and strict water restrictions had taken their toll on our flora. This was perfect.

I made my way back to bed. I felt cold under the covers. This time, if I fall asleep, it’s OK, I thought. Everyone wants me to rest; it was doctor’s orders, so I might as well.

I still couldn’t comprehend that within the space of a couple of hours of arriving, I had hurt myself, damaged my room door, disturbed Dr Simons’ relaxing walk, scared Jules, ruined her planned itinerary and had the principal tending to me in my room.

Mr James Barclay…

I didn’t know what to make of my reaction to him; I don’t ever remember feeling so awkward in a man’s company before. And I still can’t understand why he was so familiar to me.

How will I cope with him around me? The feeling in my body when I was in his arms was unexplainable. I’m really at risk of making a total fool of myself.

Why had this man made such an impression on me?

I continued to think about him and how ridiculous he must think I am.

There was one thing that was weighing heavily on my mind. Why had he called me ‘Catherine’ instead of ‘Miss White’? I had clearly heard him call Jules ‘Miss Kent’.

I lay down for a couple of hours, with the pain still throbbing lightly in my head. After what seemed like an eternity of procrastination, I decided it was time to leave my room and try and make a better impression second time around. I got out of bed, had a quick look in the mirror and assessed the damage to my head. All in all, I looked decent enough to leave the room. I put my boots and blazer back on and left. Down the hallway and down the flight of stairs, I reached the main entrance at the middle building where I had originally entered with Jules.

I wasn’t really sure where to go from here. That tour Jules had mentioned earlier would have come in very handy right about now. I tried to listen out for any sounds of activity, but there was nothing. Not a sound. I walked about the foyer area and was intrigued. Hundreds of trophies for polo, cricket and other sports filled shelves in the dark timber and glass cabinets. It was obvious that this school was not only academically focused. The main office was unattended; it was elegant, not like any office I had seen before. A crystal vase containing a spectacular flower arrangement sat on the desk. The furniture was antique, impressive and stylish. The walls were almost completely covered in portraits of important-looking people from different eras. I looked closely at every face, as though I was trying to recognise someone. They were all men, very serious-looking, old and dull. The last picture in the series made me smile. It was Mr Barclay, looking perfect.

“Hmm! Can I help you?” said a voice from behind me.

“Huh? Um… Oh, sorry I’m sort of lost,” I replied, sounding like a three-year-old lost in a supermarket.

“I see!” Came the reply from a very, very short man.

“Where should you be?” he asked.

“Well nowhere really. I mean, I am trying to see if there is a common room for the teachers,” I hesitantly answered.

“Ah, I knew it! You’re the new teacher from Australia, Cathy!” he declared, still with no sign of warmth or welcome.

Whoever he is, I don’t like him already.

“Yes, I am, but my name is Catherine, if you don’t mind.”

“Catherine? Is that right? Well Catherine, how did you find your room? Was it to your satisfaction?” he questioned as he reluctantly put out his hand for me to shake.

“I am Mr Kemp, science teacher.”

Ah, that makes sense. Jules had said that she had made Mr Kemp move out of his room so I could be near her and he obviously wasn’t happy about it.

Mr Kemp stood less than five feet tall, stumpy and old. He was wearing every shade of brown imaginable, from his shoes to his thick ugly glasses. His moustache was long and thin and what little hair he had he had tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to spread out evenly over his shiny head. After I had shaken his small, sweaty hand he turned around and told me to follow him. He walked so fast with his stumpy little legs; the pace was such that I could have sworn he was trying his best to lose me. Plus, I’m sure he went the long, confusing way just to put me off. He didn’t give me a chance to look at anything that we passed. Every so often he would turn and look at me with his beady eyes, checking if I was still keeping pace.

After several minutes of following him, I heard voices. We were finally there. Grumpy Mr Kemp picked up his speed just at the end. I guess he wanted to enter the room on his own. I started to walk a little faster and caught up to him so that we were now walking alongside each other. He wasn’t happy about that. ‘Mr Grumpy’ was out of breath. Not impressed that I altered his plans, he gave me a stern look.

“Thank you Mr Kemp. It was lovely to meet you.” He didn’t reply and with a deep grunt he walked away from me. I still didn’t know where I was exactly.

What exactly is this room? What if Jules or the doctor weren’t here? The room is full and they are all men? Where are you Jules?

Looking around at the deep brown furniture, everything seemed so masculine; from the leather chesterfields to the black wing chairs. Sets of these chairs and lounges were placed around timber tables, each set providing a place for five to six people. A beautiful black and white veined marble fireplace sat at one end of the room, the flames naturally heating the room. It was a formal setting in a casual and social style. But it wasn’t until I sighted a coffee machine and other appliances that I realised it was the college common room.

I tried to walk in as naturally and as confidently as I could, but it wasn’t easy. I really felt out of place and it was making me feel quite self-conscious. I could now clearly see that Jules wasn’t here and that I would have to share a table with someone I didn’t know.

Oh my! I seem to be receiving some attention now!

“Catherine!”

I stopped and turned around immediately. Standing there was Mr Barclay, positioned beside an empty chair. I smiled shyly and started to walk towards him. I made my way slowly through the crowd. He was taller than I remembered and he smiled as I approached him. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled it back from my face. I looked up again at him. At that point I had a strange feeling of déjà vu. My heart felt like it was on fire and it took every inch of self-control not to put my arms around him. I didn’t want to lose total control of myself. I could feel my smile fading and my legs trembling as I got closer to him. The déjà vu feeling became stronger. I felt as though I had lived this moment before.

“Hello… please,” he said, pointing to the empty seat next to him.

“Thank you.”

I had a quick look around the room and took a deep breath before sitting down, still in a daze, my attention on him now.

“How are you feeling?” he asked with a soft, secretive voice.

“I’m fine, my door and I have called a truce,” I replied.

“That is excellent to hear,” he whispered back with a wide smile on his face.

“I gather you have already met Mr Kemp,” he whispered.

“Mr Kemp? Hmmm, well let’s just say, I don’t think he likes me, and he would have been proud of his door if he knew of today’s events.”

We both broke into a quiet laughter.

“Mr Kemp is one of a kind, that’s for sure.”

“How so?”

Mr Barclay seemed shocked with my question and unprepared for an answer.

“Other than your door, are you happy with your room?” he asked, disregarding my question.

“More than happy. I didn’t know what to expect.”

I looked around noticing more and more the environment that I would be working and living in. They were all men, old and so proper. I must seem like a student to them, and in the wrong school. I looked back at Mr Barclay who hadn’t taken his eyes off me.

“I guess, the ratio is unfair,” he joked.

I let out a giggle.

“Don’t be intimidated, you are at an advantage.”

“How?” I curiously asked.

“It will always be hard for any of them to say no to you.”

“We’ll see,” I joked back.

“Indeed we will,” he said and stood up.

“Gentleman, please, if I could have your attention.”

Silence came over the room in an instant and suddenly all eyes were on Mr Barclay.

“I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you all to Miss Catherine White from Australia. Miss White will be teaching English Literature at our college for the year, replacing Professor Davidson. Please make her feel welcome and help make her stay a pleasant one.”

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to stand so stayed seated but turned around and smiled and acknowledged as many people as I could. Some of the teachers had started to make their way towards me. Mr Barclay was now nowhere in sight. For the next hour I was quizzed on everything from kangaroos to my favourite composers. All these men seemed so intelligent and serious; I immediately remembered Annie’s words of encouragement about me being an exceptional teacher.

“Hello! Catherine! Coming through! Excuse me! Excuse me, please! There you are. I have been looking for you everywhere. How wonderful! You found the common room.”

To my relief, it was Jules ploughing through all the men to get to me.

“Right everyone, that will do. Go back to your newspapers and pipes. Off you go.”

It only took a minute and all the men were back in their chairs reading their papers.

“There now, is that not better? It seems you have caused quite an excitement. This is wonderful. Finally, there are now two of us,” Jules said, as she pulled up a chair and sat very close to me.

I didn’t mind her now. At least she could do all the talking and I could really see that she was genuinely happy to have me here, unlike Mr Kemp.

“Right, now tell me, how you are feeling?” she queried me, with a very concerned and serious tone as she held onto my hands.

“I am much better now, thank you. I am sorry if I gave you a fright,” I said as I slid my hand out of her grip.

“Oh, don’t worry about me. It takes a lot more than that to scare me,” she said as she smiled and placed her hand on my arm.

“Now, if we leave now, I can give you that tour and we should be finished in time to change for dinner.”

“Yes, that sounds like a great idea.”

We both got up and made our way out of the room. As we left, my eyes met Mr Kemp’s. He was obviously still very sour and didn’t seem to be shy about showing his feelings either.

“Now don’t mind Mr Kemp, nobody else does,” said Jules.

“What do you mean?”

“Well Mr Kemp is a very strange and suspicious man. He spends most of his evenings on our roof looking at the stars and reading into them. He gave Mr Barclay a very hard time when he first arrived at the college. He was convinced that he was causing an imbalance of some sort.”

“Imbalance! An imbalance of what?”

“Oh, who knows! To be perfectly honest, nobody cares. If he gives you any heartache, I will take care of him quicker than he can look to the stars for help,” Jules asserted.

Why would Mr Barclay say that Mr Kemp was a one-of-a-kind, almost complimenting him, if he gave him such a hard time?

The tour was great and I was right; there was an easier way to get to the common room. I saw my classroom and that made everything real to me. The room still had a traditional blackboard on the wall, but a new whiteboard had been placed in front of it. The desks were timber and in a semi-circular style with three aisles taking students all the way up to the elevated back seats of the room.

I always had a great passion for English literature and loved to pass that on to others. I was looking forward to coming back to the room on Tuesday morning, full of students. The rest of the grounds were amazing as well. Awe filled me wherever I looked. The Great Hall had a soaring ceiling and sandstone walls, reflecting the external architecture of the building. The stained-glass windows in nearly every room were even more vibrant from inside the building. The floors were a mix of hardwood timber and different shades of marble, with grand marble staircases leading to the upper levels. Jules gave me my schedule and a detailed map of the building and grounds. I was to sit in Professor Davidson’s class for the first two weeks and then he was leaving and I was to replace him.

“Now don’t be alarmed. By 6 o’clock tomorrow evening, this college will be crawling with the boys returning from their break. They are going to love you, literally! Well, you are very beautiful… and very young and not quite what my boys are used to. Not to worry, we’ll cross that bridge if need be. Let’s head back and get ready for dinner. Tonight’s dinner is a special one. It’s our last night on the grounds without the students, so it will be a formal event with music and champagne and maybe even dancing now that there is the two of us! I’m so excited! We only have two hours to get ready so we’d better get back to our rooms.” She wouldn’t stop talking long enough for me to get a word in.

“Jules? When you say formal what should I be wearing exactly?” I enquiry.

“A dress, a cocktail dress. You are in England now my dear and we English love to take our frocks out and whirl them around the dance floor!”

When we arrived back, Jules went straight into her room, singing. I couldn’t help but laugh. She was interesting. I went straight into my room. I was overjoyed seeing my classroom and was really looking forward to meeting Professor Davidson. I sat on the end of my bed and again thought about Mr Barclay. He makes me feel uneasy and that is something I’m not used to. I don’t think I have ever met a man before that has made me feel the way I do. These feelings are really unexpected. I spent the rest of the time I had left getting ready for dinner. Showering and blow-drying my hair took forever with my sore head. I decided to wear my emerald-green velvet dress. It was sleeveless, tight fitting to the knees and flared out at the ends. I loved this dress. It really showed off my figure and the colour matched my eyes. The low-cut front had gorgeous dark green crystal stones adorning it and my matching emerald-green high heels finished the outfit perfectly.

“Knock, knock!” Jules bellowed outside my door. She seemed to like yelling out “knock, knock” rather than actually knocking.

“Coming!” I opened the door and let her in. We were like two schoolgirls, inspecting and complimenting each other’s choice of attire.

“Let’s be off then. I want to be there early to make sure everything is perfect,” Jules said as she flicked what little hair she had and made her way out of my room.

So far, I had found Jules to be extremely entertaining. Even the way she walked was kind of funny: her body swung from side to side. I smiled and followed her.

CHAPTER THREE

The ballroom was stunning. There was a single long table in the centre of the room that was covered in white linen, lit up with countless candles in beautiful candelabras and a striking flower centrepiece. Soft ambient music was playing in the background. The lights were dimmed to give the candles maximum effect. It was spectacular. The walls were covered with an array of paintings and tapestry. All the men were dressed in tuxedos, and they all looked very proper. As I glanced around the room I couldn’t help notice that Mr Barclay had not arrived.

Where could he be?

Jules was over by the table, speaking to one of the waiters, giving her approval I guessed. Sure, the room did look great, but I was now more interested in seeing Mr Barclay again.

“Catherine, let’s sit. I believe everyone is here now. You will sit here at the head of the table as our newest addition,” Jules announced as she gestured to a male teacher to pull out my chair for me.

“Oh, Jules that isn’t necessary! Please! I am happy to sit beside you!” I pleaded, hoping my desperation was not too obvious.

“I won’t take no for an answer, Catherine, and I will be right next to you,” she said, ushering another male teacher to pull out her chair for her. In a matter of minutes all but two seats were full, and Mr Barclay and Mr Kemp were nowhere to be seen.

“Jules, will Mr Barclay and Mr Kemp be joining us for dinner? I noticed they both aren’t here yet.”

“Catherine, please don’t remind me. I can’t believe that Mr Barclay is missing out on this dinner because of Mr Kemp,” Jules replied with frustration.

“What do you mean? Is there something wrong?”

“The only thing wrong is that Mr Kemp is still at this college! Dr Simons was telling me that Mr Kemp was on the roof causing a fuss again, carrying on about your arrival being an imbalance in the stars. Mr Barclay has been with him now for over an hour trying to calm him down and have him join the dinner.”

Jules sighed and shook her head.

“And to make matters worse, this whole night was arranged by Mr Barclay. We are so lucky to have such a talented and caring principal. You know he doesn’t have to work? Mr Barclay is extremely wealthy but he chooses to stay and better this school, and now he’s missing out on this dinner because of such an annoying man.”

Jules stopped talking — a rare occurrence — and her disappointed look turned to joy. I looked in the direction in which she was looking and the sight of Mr Barclay coming down those stairs was such a relief! He looked amazing! He immediately went to the end of the table, opposite me.

“Please accept my apology. I was unavoidably detained,” he apologised and sat down.

He looked different from this afternoon — tired and somewhat sad. I felt his despair and I was immediately saddened. The wonderful mood I was in earlier had disappeared and I didn’t know why. I didn’t speak much — just an occasional nod to any question that was asked of me. Jules didn’t seem to notice as she and Dr Simons were utterly engrossed in conversation.

James didn’t speak much to anyone that evening and made no eye contact with me at all. I felt unimportant.

I really don’t like Mr Kemp! I wonder what he had done or said to Mr Barclay. Maybe Mr Kemp should stay outside under the stars permanently as our school’s gnome if that would make him happier?

The evening was not what I had hoped for. It was slow, quiet and boring. The fact Mr Barclay was in an off mood caused my own mood to sink. When Jules suddenly grabbed Dr Simons and tried to convince him to dance against his will, it was the only time that forced me to smile. Looking around the table, I saw that everyone else was amused by them also, even Mr Barclay, his smile immense and pure, and for a moment we caught each other’s eye. His smile immediately changed, becoming warmer. Our eyes locked for a few seconds, then he raised one eyebrow and slowly lowered his head. I think he was embarrassed! I turned away quickly and continued to watch Dr Simons attempt to get away from Jules, but he didn’t stand a chance. She was whirling herself around, and being on the heavy side she barely cleared Dr Simons’ short arms. Their dancing seemed to break the formality of the room. Some teachers left the table in little groups to smoke out on the terrace and others started to move around and change seats. I stayed put, watching Jules dance, until, in the corner of my eye, I saw Mr Barclay stand and walk towards my end of the table. I pulled back my shoulders and sat up straight.

“May I?” He asked.

“Yes, of course!”

He turned Jules’s seat slightly towards me with a slight grin and looked over his shoulder to peek at Jules and Dr Simons again.

“It seems Dr Simons has accepted defeat,” he said with a grin as he turned back.

“Smart man, there are some battles that just can’t be won!” I added with a giggle.

“Very true!” he agreed.

“Mr Kemp not joining us this evening?” I dared to ask; intrigued to know why my presence had upset him so.

“Ah, there’s another battle,” he joked as he manoeuvred his neck in a manner that seemed like he was trying to relax himself.

“I heard he was upset this evening, something about me causing an imbalance? What exactly what does that mean?” I asked.

“Mr Kemp, another battle that cannot be won,” he repeated, laughing.

I felt he was going to speak further, but Jules came back from dancing with Dr Simons and he got up immediately and gave her back her chair.

“Excuse me,” he said with a smile and headed back to his chair.

Dessert was now being served and everybody was back in their seats.

I found myself constantly looking at Mr Barclay, and I was afraid that I was going to be caught. I didn’t have an appetite for dessert, which was out of character for me; it was just too hard to not look at him or to enjoy the rest of the evening with other company. I decided to leave.

“Jules, would you think I was rude if I called it a night? It’s been such a long day and I am trying so very hard to stay awake.”

“No, no, not at all. Everyone will understand. I will walk you to your room,” she offered and turned to Dr Simons to excuse herself.

“No, please stay. I will be fine and I’m sure I can remember how to get back. And really no one needs to know that I’m leaving. I’ll go and no-one will notice.” I smiled and without waiting for her reply, I stood up. To my shock, so did the whole table of men!

So much for my inconspicuous exit!

There stood all these men, just because I was leaving the table! It was so English.

“Please sit down. I’m going to call it a night. I can’t keep my eyes open,” I said with a nervous giggle.

I smiled to Jules, who had taken my orders to stay on. I started to walk down the length of the table. I could hear the echoing voices of every gentleman saying “goodnight” as I passed. When I got to the end of the table where Mr Barclay was seated, I waited to hear his voice saying “goodbye”, but nothing came.

I tried to hide my disappointment, when…

“Catherine, I will escort you to your room if that is alright with you?”

“Thank you,” I answered with a smile. Even though my reply was composed and assertive, my heart was beating quite fast; disappointed with my uneasy reaction I tried to concentrate on being normal and not so emotional.

He excused himself to the teachers sitting close by then turned to me and smiled — an indication he was ready to leave. As we walked up the stairs and out of the room, my emotions were confusing. I tried to find some composure in the way I was feeling.

“What do you think of your first day?” he asked with a smile.

His smile was infectious. I turned away slowly and looked forward to answer.

“Entertaining to say the least.”

I looked at him again and he still had that amazing smile, which in turn, forced me to smile even bigger.

“What was your first day like?” I asked of him.

“Also, entertaining.”

“It seems I’m not the only one Mr Kemp didn’t take to straight away?”

“Mr Kemp is a complicated man, he means well but is hard in his ways,” he said with a reassuring grin.

Again, his comments were almost defending Mr Kemp’s behaviour. Our walk was short, which was a disappointment. I have never taken to walking but tonight I would have walked to London with him.

As we got to the bottom of the stairs that led to our rooms, Mr Barclay slowed down to let me go ahead.

“We are very happy that you are here, Catherine,” he whispered with his devilish smile as he turned his face away.

Did he just flirt with me? Did I just dream that? If only I had a replay button so I could be certain…

I smiled timidly in response; words seemed to have escaped me.

“Thank you, that means a lot to me. I am sorry that I have upset Mr Kemp in any way by being here.”

“You belong here, Catherine.”

Mr Barclay lowered his head slightly. He had one arm on the beginning of the balustrade, as did I even though I stood three steps above him. I looked at him, taking in everything I could while he was looking away. When he suddenly looked up at me, our eyes met. We looked at each other for a minute. It felt like his eyes were talking to me at a hundred miles per hour. I really should get a second opinion on that hit on my head.

“Good night, Catherine.”

“Good night, Mr Barclay.”

“Please call me James,” he said as he let go of the staircase and walked around me. “You look beautiful tonight.”

He passed me, not waiting for an answer or a reaction. Just as well, because I was seconds away from saying something I might regret. I turned my head around to see him but he was already gone. I turned back. My mouth was open in shock, before a big smile formed across my face. I closed my eyes and paused for a while.

“Tell me, if you are sleeping on the staircase, could I have my room back?” A familiar voice interrupted my thoughts from the top of the staircase.

Mr Kemp again, ruining the moment. I turned around and made my way up the stairs. As I approached him, I looked down into his beady eyes and asked him straight out:

“Mr Kemp, are you going to be sneaking up on me for my entire stay?”

I didn’t wait for a reply and kept walking past him and into my room. As I closed my door, my heart was racing. I was in disbelief that I had just spoken to him that way, but I didn’t regret it. He made it obvious that he didn’t like me, and didn’t want me here. My hands were sweaty and I was feeling quite hot and flustered. I’ve never been good with confrontations. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and tried to remember the feeling I was enjoying before it was interrupted. It didn’t take long to get those thoughts back again. I quickly got out of my dress and removed my makeup, tied my hair up and got into something to sleep in. I turned off the lights and hopped into bed, leaving a side lamp on.

As soon as I closed my eyes, his face came to me.

How can anyone possibly feel this way about a total stranger?

I felt silly and laughed at myself.

I thought it might be better if I put those emotions into my story rather than my life.

I couldn’t sleep, I was on way too much of high, so I decided to pull out my laptop and continue on with Victoria.

As I made my way to the parlour, I tried to contain my emotions. I was troubled and unaware how to conduct myself in Mr Bates’ company. Trying to counsel myself these past weeks had been agonising and now, moments away from being next to him, I felt somewhat anxious and terrified.

As I approached the door I could hear laughter from the parlour, what could possibly be so amusing at this hour of the day, I wondered.

“There you are, I have almost forgotten what you looked like,” my father howled from across the room. There beside him stood the most agreeable gentleman ever seen. He stood tall, certain and unafraid, unlike myself.

“Good day, father,” I said, rolling my eyes at his earlier remark.

“Now Victoria, if I left you unaccompanied with Mr Bates, will you assure me that you will be pleasant?” my father added with mockery in his tone, a repayment for my behaviour these past weeks, I am sure.

Taking no notice of my father’s mischievous comment, I turned my attention to Jonathon. His gaze had not left me since I entered the room and the serious look on his face was frightening.

My father turned to Jonathon and shook his hand, saying goodbye. As he walked passed me he kissed me on the cheek, which I took as an apology for his roguish behaviour.

When Jonathon and I were finally alone, a silence blanketed the room in an instant and all that could be heard were the raindrops on the window and my heart thumping.

“Thank you for seeing me this morning. I hear that it is easier to have a meet with the queen than with you,” he joked as he slowly walked towards me.

I was puzzled by his comment and he smiled at my reaction.

“Charles Barton,” he clarified as he walked past and continued behind me.

“Oh, I see,” I said as I turned around to face him.

“Are you well?”

“Yes, thank you, and you?”

“Well, thank you.”

“Will you be attending the dinner party at the Barton’s tomorrow evening?”

“Well… I have not yet decided. Charlotte is away in Bath and I would feel out of place without her company.”

“Will you not let me keep you company tomorrow night?”

I took a pause, not wanting to respond at once: I endeavoured to display decorum and restraint. It was no use; I would have married him if he had asked. I could not contain my joy; my face came alive as a smile, the first in weeks, surfaced.

“Yes,” I finally replied.

“I must warn you, Charles will be very upset…”

“Excellent.”

I must have slept deeply because when I woke, I couldn’t recall anything I had dreamt about.

I forced my eyelids open. It was still dark and I could hear the rain outside. Not surprisingly, my head was still sore — a souvenir of my embarrassing first day.

Making my way to the window I was surprised to see the students had started to arrive. Further up the laneway, very expensive-looking cars were dropping off boys, many of whom looked more like young men than boys.

Why are they here so early?

I looked at my watch to find that it wasn’t as early as I thought it was. Outside looked like five o’clock in the morning, but really it was just after seven.

Better get ready.

I wondered what impression I would make on the students today. I also wondered what feel the college would now have, with the buzz of so many students.

It took me well under an hour to shower and get ready. It was almost 8 o’clock when I left my room. Further down the hallway, groups of teachers stood outside their doors chatting and they smiled and nodded to me as a ‘good morning’ gesture. Recognising some from last night’s dinner, I smiled back and raised my head to them, returning the greeting, then started to make my way to the stairs.

“Catherine! Catherine, good morning!”

I stopped and turned around.

“Morning,” I replied, with a smile.

Jules was so jolly, even in the mornings! She was wearing a floral cardigan and a long flowing skirt. She closed her door and raced to catch up to me.

“You look beautiful. How did you sleep?” she enquiry, her eyes wide.

“Really well,” I replied. “I’m not used to an uninterrupted sleep, it was great.”

“That’s wonderful to hear,” she said as she grabbed my arm and turned me around towards the staircase.

“Today is going to be a very exciting first breakfast, and then we will have our turn together on front lawn duty.”

“Front lawn duty? What do you mean by that?” I stopped to face her.

“Oh yes, of course you wouldn’t know that, silly me,” she said as she resumed her walk.

“Now, many more boys will be arriving throughout the day and teachers are required to be outside greeting them. And sometimes parents will want to say ‘hello’ and ask us some questions.”

She informed me we were to be on duty from 9 o’clock until half past 10.

“Isn’t that exciting? Some of our boys are from the best families in England. They are a fine breed indeed. Parents who are very influential, very…” Jules stopped talking mid-sentence and then started to panic.

“I should change, I should quickly change,” she announced as she looked at her clothes with repugnance.

“No, no, you look great! Cherry!” I said, trying to convince her that changing really wasn’t necessary.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, very sure.”

“Alright, thank you Catherine. It’s just you look so pretty and smart,” she stated with an insecure voice that I hadn’t heard from her so far.

“I do quite like this pullover. It goes well with my complexion and my skirt is such fun,” she asserted as she grabbed it and waved it around with a big smile.

I couldn’t help but giggle.

“Who else is on our shift?” I enquiry.

“I didn’t check. It’s not important. As long as we are on together,” Jules declared as she led the way to breakfast.

There were so many things that I wanted to know about the school. I just didn’t know where to begin. It was starting to feel so very real. As we sat to have breakfast, I felt the urge to know more to be prepared more, thinking of questions I could ask Jules before we went outside to meet the parents and students, but I couldn’t help but think about James. Whether he was here or when I would see him next.

“Jules, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything!”

“Is Mr Barclay married?”

Oh my God. What in God’s name possessed me to ask that question? What is she going to think of me now?

“I mean… all the teachers? They live on the grounds… right? So how do they meet anyone and if they do, then what happens?” I went into damage control but wasn’t sure if it had worked.

“That’s an interesting question. Well, let me think.” She took a sip of her tea and a bite of her toast and continued.

“Right, now most of our teachers are quite old. The majority of them were married and are now either divorced or widowers. There are a few teachers that you haven’t met that are married and don’t live on campus, and there is a small group, like myself, who have just never met the right person and gave up on hoping. So this school is perfect for us.”

She took another drink of her tea, looked around and moved in a little closer.

“And then there is Mr Barclay, who is young, wealthy and handsome and who is not married, to finally answer your original question. Between you and me, I believe he was married.”

“Really?”

“Now, I don’t know for sure, but he has let a couple of remarks slip that would suggest that he has been married before. And the strangest thing of all is that he gives the impression that he still truly loves her. Mr Barclay… well he just doesn’t seem to be interested in anyone. He is a very private man, and quite serious. I know of so many available mothers and… not available at this school alone that have tirelessly tried to get his attention but he gives them nothing, nothing at all. He rarely leaves the college. Now how is someone supposed to find love within these walls?

“Never leaves,” I whispered.

Jules nodded a sympathetic nod.

“Although… I shouldn’t say… there was an incident in London that prevented him from ever going back.”

“What kind of incident?”

“Oh, I don’t know for sure and this is just talk… there are so many different stories that you just have to accept that they are all just stories,” she smiled and continued to have her breakfast.

I awkwardly smiled, picking up my glass of orange juice. I tried so hard not to show my interest in what she had just said.

“It’s very sad,” she added.

And then Jules stared at me with her concerned eyes but too kind to say anything directly to me. However I knew what she was thinking Jules started a conversation with another teacher who sat a few seats away from us. I looked around to see if James was having breakfast. I couldn’t see him.

“It’s time to go!” Jules yelled excitedly.

She got up immediately, smiled at me, as we made our way to the front lawn. It was cold and windy; this climate was going to take some getting used to.

“What a wonderful day!” Jules sang as she smiled at me. Luckily the rain had stopped, but with the grey clouds above it seemed far from a wonderful day. I smiled back nevertheless.

“And there is the answer to your other question,” Jules said and looked behind me. I turned around to see. There was the person on our shift: James. I couldn’t believe my luck and how amazing he looked, yet again. He was wearing dark navy pants and a navy shirt with the top button undone and a jacket.

“We should help him, don’t you think?” Jules asked.

“Help who?” I answered still not looking away from James.

“Mr Barclay. I know he will not be enjoying all that attention.”

“Ha…” I suddenly now noticed everyone around him. “I guess.”

Jules immediately put on her mother hen persona and headed towards them. I couldn’t look. I felt a bit guilty that my motives were completely selfish. I hoped that she wouldn’t embarrass herself or worse, upset James. I still couldn’t look. I was too nervous about seeing his reaction or the reactions of those women when Jules dragged him away.

“Good morning, Catherine.”

“Ha! Um… good morning,” I stuttered.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concerned.

“Yes… Why do you ask?”

“Jules said you were feeling slightly nervous this morning, and that it might be a good idea if I spent some time with you.”

He put his hands in his pockets and grinned at me, obviously thinking that both Jules and I were co-conspirators in this set up. And here I was, feeling sorry for Jules having to save him from those women, and all the while, she had used me as the excuse! Jules was now talking with the women and they didn’t seem to be anywhere near as happy now that James had gone. I looked back at James and smiled. I could feel my cheeks start to redden.

“Thank you, but I am fine. Jules worries too much about me!”

There was a quiet pause. Both James and I were busily smiling to students as they arrived.

“It’s a beautiful college. The grounds are amazing, you must love being here,” I said in an attempt to change the subject.

“Yes, I do. What’s not to love?” he replied.

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked. His hands were in his pockets while he looked straight ahead, his head slightly raised.

“Yes, of course.”

“What made you apply to this school?”

For a second he was expressionless before turning back again.

“Um… I don’t really know. I mean, I love teaching. Regardless of where I am, it’s what I have always wanted to do. I have also wanted to come to the UK for as long as I could remember.”

He turned towards me again and I knew I had his undivided attention, so I continued on.

“One night I was on my computer and started to search for positions available in the UK. This college appealed to me the most; I had a really good feeling about it. Such a good feeling, that I didn’t apply anywhere else but here. So you could imagine how relieved I was when I was accepted.”

I stopped speaking out of embarrassment. The boys that were coming through the entrance were staring at me… in an inappropriate manner. I guess this was what Jules was worried about. James immediately gave the boys a stern look of disapproval.

“You will have to excuse the boys; you’re not the sort of teacher that they’re used to,” he said with a smirk on his face.

“What? I think I will have to leave that comment alone.”

“Thank you,” he quickly replied, relieved.

I turned away slightly flushed and James gave me a concerned look, perhaps noticing my change in behaviour.

”Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

He still seemed to have a look of concern.

Maybe I am irritating him?

“James, there you are, you old devil!” a man’s voice interrupted from behind me.

I turned my head around slightly to see.

The man was very handsome, not as handsome as James, but still attractive and extremely well dressed. He had blue eyes and fair hair with a similar physique to James.

“Excuse me, I hope I’m not interrupting,” he asked. “My name is Richard Cartwright.” He put out his hand for me to shake.

“And you are?” he asked, inquisitively.

“Oh, good morning… I’m Catherine,” I replied, offering my hand.

To my surprise, he grabbed my hand, lifted it towards his lips and kissed it.

I can’t believe he just did that!

It felt awful. I mean there was no reason for me to feel this way but having James there to see it, I felt as if I had betrayed him. Which was crazy! What was even crazier was that James seemed to also disapprove of this man kissing my hand.

“Richard!” James snapped as he put out his hand to greet him, designed to divert his attention from me. James tone was serious and irritated.

“James, it’s great to see you again. Where have you been this whole break? I didn’t hear of you in London at all, you’re not still in a daze about that old woman you bumped into last time we were there?”

I looked at James who seemed to be surprised by his comment.

“Don’t tell me you stayed at the college the entire time. I will not forgive you that unless you tell me Catherine were here the whole time with you!” he teased.

“Richard, please… Catherine will be teaching at the college,” James informed Richard, visibly annoyed by his innuendo.

“Really, well I am going to have to think up some excuses to come and visit more often,” he threatened.

“Good day, Catherine… James…”

And off he went. I looked at James. He seemed troubled, and I wondered whether it was about Mr Cartwright’s comment or his promise to come and see us, or me, more often.

“Oh my, was that Mr Richard Cartwright? Oh! I missed saying hello!” Jules blurted out, breathing heavily from behind us.

“Excuse me ladies, please enjoy the rest of your day,” James said as he made his way back to the college.

“Catherine, did you meet Richard? How did you find him? Isn’t he just wonderful?”

Jules was over-excited.

“Well, tell me! What did you think? What did he say? Come on…”

“Jules, I don’t know… I only saw him for a moment.”

I didn’t want to tell her that he kissed my hand or that we may be seeing more of him and Richard’s remark about the old lady in London.

“Wait, did he make a comment to James about not seeing him in London over the break?”

Jules started laughing with excitement. She could tell from the expression on my face that she was correct.

“Oh, that Mr Cartwright! Now, he has been divorced for well over a year and he is quite the ladies’ man. He has been trying to lure Mr Barclay to join his wild ways, but Mr Barclay is not like that. He won’t have a bar of it. He seems to be completely loyal to the woman he loves.”

“Well our shift is over,” Jules announced. “Let’s go inside and have a cup of tea.” We started walking back to the main entrance of the college.

Tea again!

“Other than tea, is there anything else I should know about today and tomorrow?”

Jules giggled at my delicate tease on her tea intake.

“Well, we have no more official commitments for today, but tomorrow is our assembly. Mr Barclay will address the students, parents and teachers. Followed by… tea,” she belted out with a laugh. “You will meet Professor Davidson there. And Tuesday, school will officially commence.”

Such was Jules’s enthusiasm it was as if she had also just started working here.

After we had our tea, I went for another wander around the grounds, to explore on my own. Even though Jules gave a good tour, I still wasn’t certain where anything was. After a few hours walking around I started to feel more confident with my bearings. I made sure I had the bare essentials down: library, my class, James’s office, Dr Simons’ room and the great hall. I decided to head for dinner.

Over dinner, Mr Kemp unavoidably sat directly in front of me, staring at me like a hyena, chewing his food in a slow and theatrical manner with his napkin tucked into his collar. He was so arrogant; not even trying to hide the fact that he was watching me. Jules, as expected, chatted through most of dinner completely unaware.

I tried to ignore him but it was too hard. I wasn’t use to being made stared down like that. Once he finished his meal he sat back in his chair and continued to stare.

This had to be a practical joke being played on me, like an initiation, or was everyone oblivious.

I looked away, hoping that when I looked back he would have disappeared, a trick I used to use as a child. Unfortunately it didn’t work then nor did it work now, however he did turn away from me for a moment. I followed his eyes to see what could have possible taken his attention from me; it was James. To my left a few seats away, for the first time this evening I noticed him. Was he there all that time? I must have been so distracted by Mr Kemp not to have noticed.

James, unlike everyone else, had noticed Mr Kemp scrutinising me and didn’t seem to be happy about it. His attention was entirely on him. Suddenly, James shook his head slowly from side to side as if to say no, and his expression appeared more annoyed. I quickly looked over to Mr Kemp, who seemed to be frustrated, fidgeting with his neck collar. He then abruptly stood up and left.

I couldn’t help but smile out of relief. I felt emotional… having someone look out for me like that… it was unexpected, but somehow natural. It felt as if James had been on my side forever.

I looked over to James, his focus now on me. He didn’t turn away but continued to look intently at me. I couldn’t look away either, I just couldn’t help myself; and why not, it’s not like anyone here notices anything.

I didn’t know if I should be so presumptuous to say thank you, or to just continue to look into his beautiful eyes.

“Catherine,” I could hear Jules call out to me.

“Yes,” I turned reluctantly.

“Oh, Catherine, I feel awful that I left you out of the conversation. Dr Simons, has just had a brilliant idea, that you should maybe say something at tomorrow’s assembly.”

“What, no… No way,” I protested.

Jules seemed surprised with my reaction.

“Why ever not?”

“Jules… I just can’t… not to parents and teachers. Please don’t mention it again,” I pleaded.

“Of course, I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable,” Jules said as she grabbed my arm.

“Thank you.”

I was relieved. Not only did I avoid what could have been a total humiliation, but was reassured of her friendship, that couldn’t have come at a better time.

I slowly turned away wanting to see James again, but he had left.

CHAPTER FOUR

“Knock-knock sleepy head, it’s time to wake up, assembly will commence in an hour,” Jules called from outside my door. I half opened my eyes. There was no way it was morning already.

“Are you awake?” Jules sung out.

“Yes, yes I am. Thanks Jules, I won’t be long… I will see you down there,” I yelled back.

“See you soon,” she replied.

I don’t even remember falling asleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about James all evening, what’s all that about — he makes me feel… like I’m not myself.

I sat up, and took in a deep breath. I started recalling some of my thoughts of him last night, and then quickly shook them out of my head with a mischievous smile. I also recalled dreaming of Victoria last night and that Charles Barton had tried to kiss her. Yuk! That was nauseating even as a dream.

I finally decided to get up and get ready, unsure of what to wear. I made my way to the closet. After a short while, I finally decided on my tight-fitting beige skirt with a sky-blue silk shirt and heels. Considering I felt drained, surprisingly I looked quite nice.

I left my room and not a moment too soon, the college was quiet and there was no one in sight.

I must be late!

I struggled to make good pace, restricted by my tight skirt and heels.

Finally arriving, I could see how late I was, the assembly had already commenced and the room was full. The students took up the front three-quarters of the hall with the teachers and then the parents sat towards the back.

One of the senior students was speaking on the microphone while James sat on the side of the stage with three other men. I quickly looked around to see if there were any vacant chairs close by, but there didn’t seem to be any. I could see Jules further up moving about, I guess trying to see if I was here yet. She was in the first row behind the students in the middle with an empty seat beside her.

There was no way I was going to take that seat; everyone would see how late I was.

In front, a man unexpectedly stood up and started to make his way towards me. It was Richard Cartwright.

“Good morning,” he said once he reached me.

“Morning,” I continued to look forward, not wanting to encourage a conversation.

“Please, take my chair.”

“No… Thank you… I’m happy to stand.”

“I won’t take no for an answer,” he promised.

“Please, I am really fine here,” I said looking over to him with a half smile.

“Well, I will just have to stand here with you,” he said, crossing his arms and looking towards the stage.

I couldn’t help but notice that the women that were sitting close by him were looking back at me and didn’t seem to be happy. Left with no choice, I nodded to him and took his seat. I felt so uneasy having him directly behind me; I could feel his stare on me. The women on both sides of me were constantly looking at me from head to toe. I felt awkward and couldn’t see how I was going to last the whole assembly, until James got up and spoke. His words were powerful and in his presence I wasn’t bothered by who was staring at me or who I had upset. Nothing mattered, I was happy to be here with James in view. After the choir sung, James got up again to speak. Perfect.

“Professor Davidson you will be missed, we wish you all the best and look forward to your return.” The roar of clapping filled the room. “And finally I would like to formally introduce and welcome Miss Catherine White, who will be replacing Professor Davidson for the school year. If you could be kind enough to stand.” No clapping this time just a lot of chairs shuffling about trying to see what Miss Catherine White looked like. I was dumfounded. I had no choice but to stand, and when I did, the room again filled with clapping and some whispers. I stood for few seconds then sat down. Moments later the students started to make their way out of the hall. Parents and teachers immediately started to come together and speak. I could see Jules making her way to me swiftly.

“Catherine,” she yelled as she made her way towards me.

“Hi Jules,” I turned away, my face was still burning from embarrassment and I was trying my hardest to control it.

“Oh, Mr Cartwright, over here.” Jules shouted across the room waving her hands as she approached me. I looked over and saw she had got his attention and he was now heading our way.

“Good Morning, Miss Kent,” he said and then turned to me and smiled.

I looked away, wanting to see James.

“Mr Cartwright, I was so disappointed when I missed you yesterday, but at least Catherine had the opportunity to meet you.”

“Yes, I was quite fortunate to have met Catherine yesterday.” He said, again looking at me not Jules, when in fact he was speaking with her not me.

“Excuse me,” I interrupted and left. I just had a feeling that Jules would be distracted with another person and would have left me alone with Mr Cartwright.

I headed to Professor Davidson who, luckily for me, was speaking with James. As I approached him, James noticed me and a smile spread across his face. My heart started beating fast and I prayed my red face would not follow. James introduced me to Professor Davidson, who seemed very friendly; we spoke for several minutes while James stood quietly.

“I am so looking forward to having you in my class for the next two weeks, until then have a wonderful day my dear,” he said with a smile and then excused himself.

“I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much,” James quietly asked.

“That would be the second time you have done that to me. I hope it will be the last,” I joked.

His smile turned into a quiet laughter. “After you have finished from here, will you come by my office to fill out some paper work?”

“Yes of course.”

“Good. Can I get you something to drink?” he said as he casually grabbed my arm. My whole body shivered at his touch, I took a step back bewildered. I could tell by the look on his face that he also felt something strange.

“Excuse me, Catherine I am sorry to interrupt. But Miss Kent wanted me to ask you… if you would like some tea, I think it’s suppose to be a joke of some sort. I don’t get it,” Dr Simons said confused to why he had to perform that particular errand.

“Thank you, Dr Simons. I do… but I can help myself.” I smiled to him and James and left.

After everyone but a few left the hall I made my way to James’s office, I felt somewhat embarrassed seeing him after my reaction to his touch but I found courage in the thought that he may have also felt something.

When I arrived, his door was ajar. I fiddled with my hair and blouse and knocked on the door. I waited a few seconds before I knocked again. As I did, the door opened. James was on the phone. He gave me a smile and signalled for me to come in.

His office was so rich in culture. The fireplace was burning strongly and its smell filled the room. Beautiful artwork was all over the room. The furnishings were dark timber and traditional. One wall was dedicated to books, and his desk was neat and professional. To my relief there were no family pictures to signal a lady in his life. I went to the window that was the only form of light in this dark room and looked out. It had started raining again. I felt so at ease in his office, more than anywhere else I had been on the college grounds. The fireplace gave out welcoming warmth and the sound of the burning wood crackling was soothing.

“Are you enjoying the scenery?” he asked.

I hadn’t realised that he had finished his call. He was only inches away and he smelt delicious. His voice was deep, yet gentle. Surprisingly, and with some difficulty, I turned back to the window.

“Yes, yes I am. I don’t think I’ll ever want to leave this country.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I feel like I belong here,” I said as I let out a quiet giggle.

I wanted to add that I also felt that I belonged with him, but I thought that was better left unsaid. I turned back to him and smiled shyly. He took a few steps back and leaned against his desk with his arms crossed. I walked towards him, and waited for him to speak.

“When we first met in your room… I know you had just hurt yourself and you were in pain, but I couldn’t help feeling that you were surprised in some way when you looked at me.”

Oh my! He did notice my strange behaviour…

“I don’t know what to say!” I shook my head and looked down.

“Is there something to say?” he replied quickly.

“Maybe… I mean look… you have seen my clumsy, helpless and ridiculous side I don’t think I will add insane to that list just yet.”

“Strange! The list I have is a lot different,” he said with a grin.

“You have a list? I asked surprised. He paused for a while and looked around. It seemed to me that he was preparing to let his guard down. And he did.

“Intelligent, sensitive and beautiful,” he proclaimed, as he turned and walked away.

I couldn’t contain my happiness. I tried to keep as calm and collected as possible, but it was too hard.

Could he possibly like me?

Maybe I could tell him something, but not everything.

“You know? When I first saw you, I was taken aback… I felt that I knew you already. But I know that’s not possible.”

The way he was looking at me was having a profound impact on me; I didn’t know what to say anymore. I smiled and stopped talking. I didn’t want to be tempted to say something that I might regret later.

“And…?” he surprisingly said taking a few steps towards me.

His body was within arm’s reach now. I thought quickly. I couldn’t mention my feelings for him, or that I thought that he belonged to me.

“Nothing,” I replied, with regret.

“I really don’t want to add ‘insane’ to that list of yours. I’m doing well so far and I don’t want to ruin it,” I joked.

He seemed expressionless, but at the same time, surprised.

“Do you think this rain will continue through the rest of the day,” I asked, attempting to change the subject.

“Pardon…?”

“The weather…”

“Right… That, I’m afraid, will be hard to predict,” he said cutting me off in mid-sentence.

James returned to his desk, picked up a file and then turned back to me.

“Catherine, here are the forms that you will need to fill out. Medical details, personal information, and we require your signature on a few papers. Please, feel free to sit down and fill them out here. They shouldn’t take long.”

He pointed to a guest chair at his desk and put the file down on the table. Immediately I went and sat down on the chair opening the file to start filling it out.

“May I have a pen please?” I asked.

“Yes of course, my apologies.”

He picked up a gold pen and handed it to me. I started to fill out the paperwork. Every so often I would stop and look up, ever so slightly, to watch him. I did not dare to look for long, desperately wanting to avoid being seen. James was beside the window, looking out, as I had been earlier. But of course, he wasn’t as relaxed as I had been. I could sense tension and frustration again.

Several minutes later, all the forms were completed. I collected them, put them back in order and rose from my chair.

“Well, I have finished. Where would you like them?” I asked as I walked towards him with the forms.

“Oh, I’ll just take them, thank you,” he said as he grabbed them from me. Our hands touched slightly and I could see in his face that he was feeling something.

Right at that moment, the phone rang. James looked at me with his gorgeous eyes for a few moments that felt like an eternity and then slowly stepped back and excused himself to answer it. I smiled back and indicated that I was leaving. I headed for the door and as I turned around to close the door I noticed his eyes were still on me. I shook my head. I was exhausted. My emotions had never taken such a beating like this before. I decided that I would to catch up with Jules. That idea was short-lived. Coming towards me was Mr Kemp. And to make matters worse, he didn’t seem at all pleased. He looked worn-out and untidy. There was a slight chance that he had no interest in me and was heading this way to speak with James, but his body language suggested otherwise. He wanted to talk to me I just knew it.

“Good morning, Mr Kemp,” I said as he finally reached me.

“Huh? Oh, yes. Good morning,” he mumbled, seemingly deep in thought about something else.

“Cathy, I must talk to you… But not here or now… but soon,” he demanded, somewhat nervously.

“It’s Catherine… not Cathy. What is it Mr Kemp?” I casually looked away from him hoping that would be all. His manner was making me feel uneasy.

“Oh, Cathy… Ah, Catherine, I have plenty to say and if you were a smart girl you would want to listen!” he warned. His voice was low and it appeared that he did not want James to hear from his office.

“Catherine, you don’t belong here!”

“What on earth are you talking about, Mr Kemp? I can’t believe you just said that.”

“It’s not your fault that you are here, but it will be if you stay,” he warned grabbing my arm.

“I’m not going anywhere, so leave me alone!” I yelled pulling away from him, unaware of how loud my voice had become. I could hear footsteps coming from James’s office and his door opened abruptly. James looked furious as he gave Mr Kemp a ghastly stare. Mr Kemp still had a hold of my arm.

“Mr Kemp, what is the meaning of this?” James growled, as he opened his door wider. Mr Kemp seemed caught out and erratic in his behaviour, so I moved away from him and stood closer to where James was. He didn’t answer James, just stood there defiantly.

“In my office… now,” James ordered. Mr Kemp headed to in to James’s office but still had the audacity to try to give me an intimidating look.

“Catherine, please stay here, I promise you this won’t take a minute,” he comforted me with his gentle voice. He placed his hand on my arm; I nodded and sat down on a chair just outside his office. My shoulders sank into my body and my face fell into my hands. I was not going to cry. I could not believe how awful Mr Kemp had been to me. I wish I was a lot stronger and didn’t get as emotional as I did.

From the other end of the hallway, I heard footsteps approaching and I panicked. I wiped my stupid tears, as quickly as I could and looked up. It was Jules and from the distressed look on her face, I could tell that she knew I was upset.

“Catherine, what is it?” she prompted me, with her arms open wide.

When she got to me, she was almost in tears herself. Jules grabbed me firmly by my shoulders.

“Catherine, what has happened?” she cried.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” I answered, as I pulled away from her.

All these emotions are sending me mad!

The door opened and James came out, followed by Mr Kemp with his head hanging low.

“You”! You’re the one who has upset Catherine! Why you difficult little man. What did you do?” Jules demanded to know, with one hand waving at Mr Kemp and the other holding onto my arm.

Everyone must feel my arm was for public use.

“Miss Kent, leave it with me. Mr Kemp, please leave. Catherine, may I speak with you in my office?” Again his voice was commanding, yet gentle.

“Jules… I’ll be fine. I will, really… Meet you in the common room, OK?” I whispered to her. I turned away and headed into James’s office without giving Mr Kemp any acknowledgement.

“Catherine, please… don’t be upset. I have spoken to Mr Kemp and warned him to stay away from you,” his soft voice deep with emotion.

“What is the problem? Why does he hate me? I have done nothing to him.

James stood in front of me, upright with his fist clenched, obviously holding back his emotions, and trying to calm himself down. But why did he need to do that? I was the one who had been threatened.

“What have I done?” I repeated, now sitting on one of the chairs in his office.

Surprisingly, James came and crouched down beside me.

“You have done nothing wrong. Mr Kemp will leave you alone, I promise. Please don’t let him upset you.”

“He said me being here was not my fault but if I stay it will be. What’s that suppose to mean?”

“He said that to you?” James asked.

He stood up, looking quite shocked and disturbed.

I stood up and came close to him.

“I Should never have come?” I said, disheartened.

“No…”

His voice was in my ear he was so close to me.

I was trembling and my heart was pounding.

I looked up in disbelief. His face was expressionless, which confused me. He then slowly began to smile and touched my arm gently.

“You should go to Jules. I’m sure she is still worried about you, and pay no attention to what Mr Kemp says.”

And that was it. I knew I had fallen and fallen hard for him.

The next few weeks were not what I had anticipated. Professor Davidson, the English Professor that I was replacing, seemed to be taking up all my time.

“The one whom death takes can trust the Lord’s judgement,” he declared in his classroom, quoting a notable Beowulf monster from the tenth century AD.

Not exactly what I want to be lecturing on right now. A love story would have been better. But no, it looks like blood, terror and death.

Professor Davidson was an extremely intelligent and well-respected teacher, but one whom I couldn’t seem to escape. As much as I needed the information he was giving me, I really felt suffocated. After several failed attempts to escape him, I gave up. He invited himself on my walks, he sat with me when I ate, he was beside me in all my classes and in the common room, and worst of all he would walk me to my room at the end of each day. There had been several memorable moments when I would catch a glimpse of James and he would show me a grin of sympathy or a wink. It was awful. It felt like I was being punished for something I didn’t do.

On the upside, Professor Davidson’s last day was now here and I would finally have some time to myself.

“Catherine, I have complete faith in you… Enjoy your year at the college, my dear, and don’t let my boys give you any heartache,” Professor Davidson said as he shook my hand and continued down the line of goodbyes that were waiting for him.

All his colleagues seemed genuinely sad to see him go. And strangely enough, so did I.

“It’s a shame you weren’t replacing Mr Kemp!” Jules whispered in my ear before belting out a laugh.

“Well at least we can see you now, thank God. Tomorrow is Saturday. Care to go into the village for some dinner tomorrow night? Perhaps we can ask Mr Barclay and a few other teachers if they would like to join us,” Jules said with great enthusiasm.

“OK,” I replied.

“Actually that sounds like a great idea. It will be fun,” I added with more enthusiasm.

“Oh, splendid. I am so happy. I will ask them now!”

And off she went without a minute to spare. I saw her head for James first. I could see him speaking but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Then she was off to Dr Simons, of course, and then a few more after that. All the teachers seemed to be making their way to the common room. James had now left and I wasn’t sure which way he had gone. I, however, headed to my room. It had been an exhausting two weeks with an emotional ending. I just wanted to sleep. Jules waved to me as I walked away. She was continuing on to the common room and understood that I was heading back to my room.

The walk back to my room seemed natural to me, which was a sure sign I was becoming more familiar with the college and its rooms, its gardens, its walkways and the whole area. It had given me a sense of belonging that I had desperately longed for. The rain was pounding down hard as I reached the bottom of the stairs. The sound of strong wind could now be heard and it had an eerie, echoing hum to it. My thoughts wandered but were interrupted by footsteps that were catching up to me. I turned around cautiously.

But no one was there. Strange, I could have sworn that there was someone behind me. I continued up the stairs but this time my steps were swift. As I got to the top of the stairs, I looked at James’s door and paused for a minute with a smile. Suddenly, I felt a rush of cold wind go past me, blowing my hair over my face before each wall lamp, one by one, flickered and went dark. I froze, not knowing what to do, or understand what was happening. The hallway was completely darkened.

I could hear footsteps, approaching me from down the hallway. Maybe it was one of the teachers coming out to see why all the lights were out, I hoped.

“Who’s there?” I whispered.

There was no reply but the steps were getting closer.

“Who’s there?” I asked, this time with more volume.

I was confused and scared stiff, aware that most of the teachers wouldn’t be up here because they were downstairs for Professor Davidson. I contemplated walking back down the stairs or a little further to my door, but I was so scared I wasn’t sure my legs would cooperate.

All of a sudden I felt a firm push against my chest and was thrown into James’s door.

I screamed, covering my face with my hands, terrified. James’s door instantly opened and I turned around to see his surprise at my presence in his doorway. I grabbed him and put my face on his chest, my hands holding tightly onto his shirt.

“Catherine?”

“There’s someone trying to hurt me out there!”

He held me tight with one arm and half stepped out the room to see.

“There’s no one out there,” he whispered.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked out, still holding onto his shirt and there wasn’t anyone. All the lights were now on and there was no one to be seen. I looked up at James, but I was speechless and confused.

“Come inside.”

James closed the door and placed his hands on my arms and stared at me.

“What happened?”

I couldn’t speak at first. I myself didn’t know what had happened. I finally mustered the courage and tried to explain to James what had just happened.

“I don’t know what to say,” James shook his head with concern.

“Who could have done this? Mr Kemp!”

“No. There is no chance that Mr Kemp would ever lay a hand on you.”

“He threatened me that day, who else would do that to me?” I argued.

James let go of me in shock and took a few steps back.

Outside James’s door, I could hear Mr Kemp mumbling. Anger came over me and I turned around to open the door.

“Catherine, no!” James pleaded, but I ignored him.

I stuck my head out of the door and there he was.

“You! How dare you do that to me?”

“What are you doing in Mr Barclay’s room? Get out of there,” he sneakily whispered.

“You pushed me into his door!”

“What nonsense are you talking about?” Mr Kemp looked surprised. He looked past me and went straight into the room.

“What is all this?” he demanded to know.

James didn’t say a word, but he seemed bewildered.

“You turned off all the lights in the hallway and then pushed me into James’s door, didn’t you?”

“I most certainly did not!” He gave James a long, disappointed look.

“Hem,” he grunted, “are you happy now?” he said to James and headed for the door. As he passed me he paused.

“I warned you,” he said.

I looked at James in disbelief. He didn’t even ask Mr Kemp if he was responsible. Did he honestly believe that he was incapable of doing such a thing?

Mr Kemp slammed the door behind him, and now James and I were left in his room.

“You don’t believe me? Why… I mean… how, could I even make this up?” I pleaded.

James turned around and ran his hands through his hair. He looked frustrated and uneasy.

I couldn’t believe that Mr Kemp just did what he did, and got away with it! And that James could think that I was a liar. Let down, I decided to leave.

I faced the door but I just stood there.

“Catherine… wait… I believe you; I just don’t think it was Mr Kemp.”

“Then who”? I snapped.

He didn’t reply. He just stood dazed and unable to help. I regretted snapping at him. He had done nothing but be nice since I had arrived. But his support for Mr Kemp was mind-boggling.

“Good night,” I opened his door and left without looking back.

CHAPTER FIVE

It was almost impossible to get out of bed the next morning. Still frustrated and angry about last night’s events, especially not being believed by James. When I did finally get out of bed and headed to the window, the clouds were dark but there was no rain as yet. Suddenly James and Mr Kemp were both in sight on the front grounds walking alongside each other talking.

Mr Kemp stopped, he was ropable, throwing his arms about like the crazed fool that he was. I immediately felt ill.

How dare he be so rude to James!

What was he saying?

I couldn’t make it out. But he then pointed to my direction, I froze in shock but relaxed when I remembered I couldn’t see into the windows when I first arrived that day, so it was safe to assume that he couldn’t see me. James looked over his shoulder, in my direction also but his stare was different, I felt he could see me.

Mr Kemp headed back into the main building with James following. Curious to know where they were going and what was being said, I leapt into the shower and threw on some running clothes in record time. I opened my door and looked down the corridor towards James’s room. His door was half open.

I turned back and locked my door. In that instant, Jules had come out dressed in casual clothes also.

“Good morning, you’re not going for a run are you?” Jules enquiry, with excitement in her eyes.

“Yes, yes I am. Want to join me?” I asked.

“Absolutely!” was Jules’s delighted reply.

“I’ll race you to the fountain,” I challenged her.

“Oh, oh yes, of course,” she replied, flustered.

We both started giggling. As we passed James’s door, I tried with all my might to resist looking in. But Jules had a different idea — she walked right up to the door and looked in. To our surprise, Mr Kemp and James were coming out of the room. Mr Kemp looked completely perplexed — which was priceless — James’s eyes caught mine, and were pleased and relieved.

“Would you boys like to join us for a run?” Jules asked sarcastically.

“No, no, I am busy today,” Mr Kemp replied, baffled.

Jules then looked at James with a raised eyebrow.

“I will pass too, Miss Kent. Thank you for the invitation,” James said. “Have a great run, ladies,” he said as he ushered Mr Kemp out of his room.

Jules and I headed off. We both ignored Mr Kemp as we passed him. Mr Kemp slowly and awkwardly made his way to his room and eventually James closed his door. I followed Jules’s unhurried lead. She took me on a track that I had not noticed before. It was veiled with soaring trees and their heavy foliage. It was an easy path, effortless to navigate but narrow, forcing us to run in single file.

We had been jogging for over a half hour, when I felt a few raindrops on my skin and then a few more. Then the rain started to pour down.

“Catherine, don’t fret! We will wait it out at the old miner’s cottage, which is not so far from here,” panting, Jules struggled to get her words out.

She was also shouting as the rain was bucketing down now and it was difficult to hear. After a while, I was not so convinced that there actually was a cottage nearby. I couldn’t see one anywhere near, and we were already soaked.

Suddenly, the path split into two. Jules went left and I followed. This trail was different to our previous trail. It was rugged; a light green moss covered the loose terrain, making it slippery. It descended rapidly and was not easy to navigate. It seemed that this trail was not regularly used; its wet overgrown foliage striking against our bodies.

About ten minutes later, I could finally see the cottage.

“Here we are!” Jules pointed with her arm stretched out ahead.

And there it was. A run-down little cottage: abandoned and unexceptional. Built out of dark charcoal stones with a shingle roof, it was almost overgrown by the trees that surrounded it. Jules lifted the rusty latch and with a big squeak the old door opened. Surprisingly, the inside of the cottage was well kept.

“Thank God for this cottage. I can’t tell you how many times it has saved me from our erratic weather.”

“How long do you think we will have to stay here?” I asked.

“Not too long. I might get the fire on, just in case. Our wonderful Dr Simons found out that I had been caught here a few times, and surprised me by stocking up the cottage with some firewood and a few other necessities for me. Dr Simons is a true gentleman.”

If I didn’t know any better, I would bet that Jules had something for our ‘wonderful Dr Simons’. It seemed that he might have something for her too.

“Jules, how long has Dr Simons been at the college?”

“Oh, I remember that day quite clearly: two-and-a-half years ago. It was a stormy Saturday afternoon. He was expected to arrive in the morning, but his plane was delayed and the weather didn’t help his journey to the college.” Jules paused to attend to the fire, and then continued. “He was completely soaked when he arrived. I got him some towels and showed him to his room. He was very appreciative and the next morning he wrote me a card thanking me for being so welcoming and hospitable. We have been close friends ever since. We have so much in common, what with our walks and a love of flowers and wine.”

“Is he married?” I asked abruptly.

“No, never married. I don’t understand why. He would make any woman proud to be his wife,” she replied.

“Is he coming to dinner tonight?” I asked.

“Why, yes he is, and Mr Barclay.”

“Oh… OK… that’s great.”

I tried not to act excited at the opportunity to see James this evening.

The fire was burning strongly now and the cottage had a nice cosy feel about it. There was a small run-down kitchenette, a small sofa in front of the fireplace and a four-seater timber dining table. The two other rooms I assumed were the bedroom and the bathroom. The room got very warm very quickly and we both stood in front of the fire to dry our clothes as much as we could. Jules started humming. She was in such a good mood. Talking about Dr Simons and being at the cottage had left her happy and content. I was determined to have them together before the year was over. We both sat on the sofa thinking. Between the crackling of the fire and the thumping of the rain, Jules and I didn’t need to speak. Other than the wet clothes, I felt so comfortable and at ease. I laid my head onto the sofa and closed my eyes to think about James.

I was terrified of the feelings I had for him; they were getting stronger. I wondered about his feelings towards me; could he care for me that way or was it all in my head. Perhaps he was just an empathetic principal trying to comfort me.

“Listen. I think the rain has stopped,” Jules announced.

We looked at each other for a second and then got up at the same time and ran out of the cottage, laughing.

The run back seemed a lot quicker. As we approached the college, we slowed to a walk.

“Jules? Who owns the cottage?” I asked.

“Oh, that would be Mr Cartwright.”

“What!”

“It’s fine. He has no interest in it, which is obvious from the state it is in. I don’t think I have ever seen or heard of him being there. Oh, no, I lie… he was there once last year. Dr Simons went to stock up the cottage and walked in on Mr Cartwright. Dr Simons was very embarrassed but Mr Cartwright was a perfect gentleman and was pleased that the cottage was being used occasionally. He even invited Dr Simons to stay for tea and they had a marvellous talk. Mr Cartwright owns a substantial amount of property in the area, and rumour has it that once upon a time, his family owned most of the land surrounding the college. The properties have been sold off throughout the years.”

“Wow! I suppose that’s why all of those women are after him,” I said cheekily.

“I suppose you’re right,” Jules agreed.

“Now, our dinner reservation is for 7 o’clock tonight. I have organised a taxi to pick us up at 6. I thought we could go for a walk through the village beforehand. You might like to go through the shops,” she suggested.

“That sounds wonderful, I can’t wait.”

“And the men will meet us at the restaurant at 7. I am so happy!” Jules said, with tears of joy in her eyes.

“Oh well, here we are!” Jules said, trying to dismiss her emotional flare up.

“I’m going to have a shower and change. If the weather holds up, I might go and explore the grounds.”

“See you at 6 if I don’t see you before,” I added.

Running to my room, I couldn’t help touching James’s door as I went past. Upon opening my door, I discovered an envelope inside. I picked it up and closed my door. With excitement due to the assumption that it was from James, I quickly opened the letter.

Dear Catherine,

I am very sorry for what you went through last night. My intentions to ease your pain were strong but my actions, unfortunately, weren’t strong enough.

Mr Kemp is a very suspicious and complicated man. If any part of me believed that you were in any kind of danger in his presence, I would have removed him from the grounds immediately. It is apparent that he is not happy with you being here, but that is all. And without contradicting myself, I need you to trust that I believed every word you said and do not doubt you at all. I also apologise that I won’t be able to make tonight’s dinner plans since I believe it will cause Mr Kemp to be even more of a nuisance.

James

What? No! That isn’t fair. How can Mr Kemp get away with what he did last night? And we have to tiptoe around him.

I sat at my desk for a few minutes; I didn’t want to be the third wheel tonight. I had been really looking forward to seeing James again.

I should make Mr Kemp come tonight as payback, knowing how much he dislikes me. Like they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I quickly pulled out some clothes to change into and went to the shower. I dried my hair and put on some basic make-up. I wore jeans and boots, with a white blouse and jumper, putting on some of my favourite red lipstick to finish my look. I was very happy with the outcome. I only wish I was getting ready for James, not the garden gnome, Mr Kemp.

I left my room and locked the door. I went directly down the hall to Mr Kemp’s room. It was easy to find, he had been whining about his ‘eviction’ ever since I got here. I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again. I then heard a clatter. I knew he was in there, but still no answer. I waited for a minute and knocked again. I was getting impatient. Finally the door opened about ten centimetres.

Mr Kemp must have been in bed. His hair was untidy and he seemed dazed and confused as he put on his glasses to see who had woken him.

“You? What is it that you want, not another accusation I hope?” He barked.

Unbelievable, not even slight remorse for what he had done to me.

“Mr Kemp, Jules and Dr Simons and I are meeting for dinner at 7 o’clock this evening. Would you care to join us?” The words were as painful as chewing on glass.

“Me? Dinner with you? Will Mr Barclay be joining us?” he asked sarcastically.

“No, he hasn’t been invited. I just think it would be nice for us to have a chance to get to know each other better. We seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot.”

Mr Kemp looked down and around his room. If he were a normal person he would have been thinking about providing an answer to my question, but knowing what he is capable of, I could see that he was already plotting.

“Yes, I accept,” he answered.

“Great, I will have Dr Simons pass on the details to you.”

I couldn’t bear to look at him a minute longer. I turned around and left. When I got halfway down the hall, I heard his door close. I wasn’t exactly sure what my plan was just yet. Maybe if James knew that Mr Kemp didn’t hate me so much to have dinner with us, then he would relax about being seen with me. I had to find Jules and let her know that James wasn’t coming and Mr Kemp was. I knew I would have a lot of explaining to do.

It wasn’t hard to find her. She was sitting with Dr Simons in the common room and they were laughing at something in a magazine.

“Jules, there you are,” I said as I approached them.

“Catherine! Hello dear!”

“Good morning, Dr Simons,” I said.

“Good morning, Catherine.”

“Jules, I’m sorry, but James can’t make it this evening, so I have invited Mr Kemp.”

There, I’ve said it, no beating around the bush.

“WHAT!!!” Jules and Dr Simons shouted in unison.

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but I just thought that if he had a chance to get to know me, he might like me and in return leave me alone.”

“Have you gone mad,” Jules asked.

“No… not at all.”

“Mr Kemp? I don’t know, Catherine. He has been so mean to you, I don’t think I could be nice to him,” Jules said as she shook her head from side to side.

“I agree. I don’t think I will be able to look him in the eye and be friendly towards him,” Dr Simons said with a stern look.

I appreciated their loyalty.

“Listen, please, no-one could possibly dislike him as much as me right now, but I am trying to make the situation better… for all of us.”

They looked at each other and then Jules turned towards me.

“Alright. But it will be difficult, and if he steps out of line once I will not bite my tongue.”

“Thank you, thank you. I am off to watch some of the boys’ sports. Can you please forward the details onto him and I will see you at 6,” I said, without waiting for a reply.

I headed straight for the field at the rear of the college. At least half the students were still here, having not headed home for the weekend. Some of the students were horse riding. Some were playing soccer — which they called football here — and others were just hanging out. I decided to head for the horses. There was a stable at the far end of the field. The stable was big enough to accommodate 12 horses. The first horse I saw was magnificent. Its coat was extremely shiny and smooth, with a neck and poll of amazing length. I started to stroke the horse on its forehead. It was so calm in nature, and its approachability made me feel confident.

“Excuse me Miss, that’s Sugar, she has a great nature, would you like to take her for a ride?” a young voice enquiry.

As I looked around and noticed it was one of my students.

“Thank you, Mathew, but I think I have had enough adventure for today. I may take you up on that offer one day soon though,” I replied with gratitude.

“Just let me know,” he said as he turned away and headed back to his friends on the oval.

I turned back to the horse, which now had a name.

“Sugar, huh? That’s so sweet,” I said aloud, amused at my attempt at a joke. Then I sensed I wasn’t alone, looked around but saw no-one. I felt as if I was being watched, so decided to hastily make my way back to the college. The sky seemed darker than it was minutes ago and the wind stronger. My head began to ache and I seemed to have no strength in my legs. I leaned back on the rails and closed my eyes. A shot of pain went through my body that knocked me off my feet.

“James!” I shouted for help, not caring if anyone heard me. I just needed him next to me. “James!” I yelled out his name again, this time louder. I held onto my head. The pain was becoming unbearable, I could hear voices, I looked around to see if there was anyone who could help me, but there wasn’t anyone around. Voices were inside my head and I couldn’t escape it. I felt faint…

“Catherine…Catherine…”

“Hmmm,” I groaned.

“Catherine… Open your eyes!”

“No…”

“Catherine…?”

I finally opened my eyes and there was James, crouching over me, pale as a ghost.

“She’s awake. Oh, thank God you’re awake,” said Jules who was now over me too. She smelt so nice.

“See, like I said. She will be fine,” Dr Simons hesitantly added. He also smelt good.

I sat up and looked around for James who was now standing furthest away from me, looking away.

“What’s wrong?” I looked to Jules for an answer, but she didn’t know what to say.

“What is it? Why are you all in my room?” This time I looked at Dr Simons.

“Do you not remember?” he asked with a concerned look on his face.

“Remember what?”

“Today? Do you know what day it is today? And what you did?”

“What? Of course, today is… Saturday, and we are going to dinner tonight. Um… I… was… with the horses. My head… That’s right, my head was hurting. And I…” I muttered, knowing that what I had just said was completely incoherent.

“That will do,” James said from across the room, “let her rest now.” His voice was drained.

He then opened the door, signalling Dr Simons to leave.

“Jules, how did I get here? I don’t remember!”

Jules came closer to me.

“Catherine, I came to get you for dinner. But you didn’t answer your door. I got worried so I looked for you, but couldn’t find you. I went to Mr Barclay…”

Jules paused and looked back at James, who was now thanking Dr Simons.

“Mr Barclay and I went looking for you. We had been searching the grounds for over an hour, and when he found you, he carried you back here on his own.”

“Miss Kent,” James interrupted, “you should be getting ready to leave. We don’t want Mr Kemp to start a fuss about you all being late.”

“What? I don’t understand!” I said, looking to Jules for some answers.

“Catherine, it’s just past 7 o’clock and Mr Kemp is supposed to be meeting us in the village for dinner this evening. As much as I hate to abandon you, if we don’t go this evening, Mr Kemp will be furious. Mr Barclay was quite clear that Mr Kemp must not know about this. I don’t understand why, but he suggested that we tell Mr Kemp that you weren’t feeling well. So it’s just the three of us. I really don’t want to leave you, but I have no choice.”

Jules got up and left with Dr Simons. When they finally left, James closed the door and locked it. He paused for a while with his back to me. I felt awful for what I had put him through. I hated myself for it. I wanted to say something but the words wouldn’t come. I felt useless. The room was silent for a few more minutes. James then turned and made his way to me slowly with his head hanging low and his hands in his pockets.

“James, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean for this to happen. I don’t understand what is happening to me. It doesn’t make any sense. Something happened at the stables, I was terrified. I heard voices, but no one was there… I have heard it before… but I can’t… I can’t remember when or where, but I know I have. So many strange things have been happening, and I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore.”

“I hate myself for causing so much drama for you; I don’t know what I am doing wrong, I should leave… I’ll just go back.”

I felt sick at the thought of never seeing him again and for even suggesting leaving, I seemed to be always making a bad situation worse these days. Disappointed with myself, I placed my hands over my face and took a deep breath hoping that pressing down on my eyes would stop me from crying.

I didn’t realise how cold my hands were until his warm hands were touching mine. He grabbed them both and gently pulled them away from my face. How can something so amazing feel so terrifying? I kept my focus on my hands, petrified to look up at him.

My heart was now racing, and my breathing was slow and deep. I watched as my hands were slowly pulled away from me. And as my hands reached his chest he held on to them tighter.

“I can’t let you go,” he finally spoke. “Today… can never be repeated. The thought of not finding you safe tore my heart apart. You mean a great deal to me. You have to know that… I have strong feelings for you.”

He then placed one of his arms around me and brought me close to him. I bit my bottom lip trying to contain my joy, but that was impossible: I had never felt so alive and happy. And I wanted him to see how OK I was with this.

He looked into my eyes with an expression of relief and smiled.

“What were you thinking, inviting Mr Kemp for dinner tonight?” he said, looking at me directly.

“Oh that… um… trying to call a truce,” I answered.

“You cannot be left alone with him. He has no intentions of befriending you.”

“You are so beautiful,” he then said shyly. He looked down at me. “You know I have been dreaming of you for as long as I can remember, waiting patiently for you to be here. Now you’re in arm’s reach and I am struggling to resist you.”

“Why are you trying to resist me,” I asked confused.

“It is complicated.”

I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. Just him standing close to me was almost too much to handle. I wish he would just kiss me.

So many things were running through my mind, I didn’t know what to say or do. My heart felt like I had been in love with him all my life, but I know that it’s just been days. I didn’t want to ruin anything but I wanted him so much.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“About today… I was thinking about you just before it happened you know, and I screamed your name out several times. But the more I did, the louder the other voice inside my head became. I just wanted you there…” I said, not believing I just told him that.

James’s smile disappeared and his face became sombre.

“James… What is it? Did I say something to upset you? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to,” I was embarrassed now with what I had just admitted.

There was silence.

Suddenly there was chatter outside my door.

James immediately became rigid and quiet. He turned his head towards his door in a defensive manner while his hands were still holding on to me. I was on a rush, and the thrill was too hard to contain, knowing that James will not resist for fear of being heard, I grabbed onto his shirt with both hands and pulled his chest back towards me. I leapt towards his lips, closed my eyes, and kissed him… hoping he would kiss me back.

And he did, with more passion and intensity than I could have ever hoped. His touch was honest and tender. I was now completely his.

He grabbed my blazer from my neck and slid it off me. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. He pushed me backwards until my back was against the wall. One of his hands was on the wall to support his body, the other was on my back, under my blouse, touching and caressing my skin — his touch gave me a shiver. I threw both my hands around his neck loosely, before letting them fall down to his chest. I started to unbutton his shirt. When I got to the last button, I opened his shirt wide, placing both my hands back on his skin and slowly making my way up his chest. His body was incredible and his smell was so alluring. He started kissing and caressing my neck, before suddenly stopping and stepping away. He began to shake his head from side to side.

“I don’t think this is a good idea right now,” he announced breathlessly.

“Tell me again — you said when you called out to me the pain got worse?”

“What?” I didn’t understand why he was thinking about that right now.

“Please… I need to know…”

“Well… yes! But that was purely coincidental.”

James took a step back and started to button up his shirt.

“Tell me, am I going crazy or is there something else going on?”

“You’re not crazy. What’s crazy is me allowing you to be going through this!”

“Go through what James? Today had nothing to do with you.”

“Catherine, I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“It is not what I want to do, I just have to. I need to figure this out. I need to speak to…” James stopped mid-sentence, obviously not wanting to let me know who he needed to speak with. He looked at me again, with the most loving eyes. “I’m sorry.” And then left.

I just stood there, confused. On the one hand I was unbelievably happy that we kissed and on the other hand I wondered if that would be the last time.

Who could James possibly need to speak with about us? Who would he tell?

I spent a good while trying to work it all out in my head. It was useless. I needed a distraction, so decided to continue on with Victoria.

Hayworth House seemed every bit as magnificent as I had imagined. I scouted promptly for Jonathon, but from what I could see, he had not arrived. On my scouting I discovered my parents, whose attention I caught immediately. My father was happy that I had made an effort to come, whilst my mother seemed somewhat anxious at how I would conduct myself with Charles Barton.

“Victoria, there you are! Are you well? Why have I not seen you?” Charles rambled from the base of the stairs with his irritating tone.

I could not be certain if I had responded to his question or had given a gesture of recognition to his presence. How could I? My eyes were now solely fixed on Jonathon. He stood further away from the bottom of the stairs with a grin of confidence only he could bear. Why would a man so superior in every way imaginable, be connected with Charles Barton? This thought sadly brought back to my attention that we were not alone. I now stood amid the two men, facing the only one that I desired.

“Victoria, may I have the first dance,” Jonathon asked, already knowing the answer to his question.

“NO!” interrupted Charles, “she will dance with me, and only me!”

The tone in his voice frightened me and I immediately walked towards Jonathon, who already was moving towards Charles, angry. Jonathon placed his hand on my arm lightly and smiled a comforting smile, reassuring me, before continuing towards Charles. I was not sure of the exchange of words, but I was certain they were unpleasant. Charles then looked at me in disgust and walked away, while Jonathon leisurely turned and returned to me.

I shook my head, uncertain of what had just taken place.

“I do not understand that man,” I whispered to Jonathon.

“I do not think he understands himself either.”

“Jonathon, please — make me understand. What do you and Charles have in common precisely?”

“Nothing,” he replied, frustrated.

“I am confused” I said, aware now of the audience that we had attracted.

Jonathon looked around, also alert to the unwelcomed crowd. He immediately directed me onto the balcony.

His gentle touch on my arm was glorious. Once alone, he explained.

“Victoria, Charles Barton is not and never will be my friend. His older brother, Mark…was.” Jonathon eyes were now full of sadness.

“Mark fell ill last winter, and being clearly aware of his brothers unpleasing character, he made me swear to keep an eye on him. To replace Mark as brother figure in a manner of speaking. I feel accountable that a request from my dearest friend, a dying wish, is now impossible to keep. It seems both Charles and I have fallen deeply for you,” he confessed.

“Jonathon,” I whispered, not believing what I was hearing.

“You will be mine for eternity and I will never leave your side. I will love you until the end of time Victoria. Marry me?

My writing was interrupted by footsteps outside my door.

“Knock, knock!” Jules’s voice sang from my door.

“Come in…” I yelled, packing my laptop away.

“I just could not get back any earlier to see you. And I might add, neither could Mr Kemp. Well not to see you though, just to get back. And I suppose just as well because Mr Barclay was waiting for him…”

“What?” I interrupted Jules mid-sentence.

“What, what?” replied Jules, puzzled.

“James and Mr Kemp?”

“Yes, Mr Barclay was waiting out front, and I must say, he looked quite uneasy. He grabbed Mr Kemp and wanted to speak with him in his office right away. Why this late at night I wonder? How strange! Oh well, how are you feeling, dear?”

“I’m fine, just tired,” I explained, trying to hold back my real emotions, in shock about what I had just been told.

Mr Kemp was the person James needed to talk to? That can’t be right…

“Oh yes, of course, my apologies. I will let you sleep. Oh, I almost forgot. Tomorrow I have to go to London for a cousin’s birthday lunch. Would you like to join me? It will be absolutely fine and I would love your company there. And I would feel a lot better knowing that you’re not on your own.”

“Thanks Jules, but really I am fine. I’m thinking about going into the village, seeing as I missed out this evening. And I could do with a scenery change. You go and have a wonderful time. I promise I will be fine here,” I said, trying to convince her.

Jules just nodded with a smile and left my room. She was so sweet and caring. I wish I could tell her what’s just happened, I would have liked to talk to someone right now, but there was no one. Annie had said she would make contact with me when she could, so I just had to wait.

James and Mr Kemp? What could they possibly be talking about now? Could James be getting advice from him? But he can’t! Mr Kemp hates me. His advice will be so obvious, so one sided. He wants me to leave the college! There’s no way he would say anything nice about me to James.

So many things were racing through my mind and I just didn’t know what to think anymore. It was all too hard. I changed my clothes and went to bed, deciding to figure it out tomorrow.

CHAPTER SIX

When morning broke, I had to drag myself out of bed. My head was heavy and my body felt drained. I looked in the mirror. My eyes were sore and puffy, reflecting how I felt. Strangely, since arriving at the college, I hadn’t remembered many dreams, which was unusual. I was kind of counting on this trip to inspire me to write more.

I felt confused and insecure about James and I. You would think after what happened with us I would be over the moon, but the way he left the room and then sought advice from Mr Kemp had left me feeling that unsure of where we stood. I felt a real need to clear my head before I next saw James or Mr Kemp for that matter, so I decided to get ready and make my way to the village and spend most of the day away from everyone.

When I was done getting ready I had a look in the mirror and was taken aback by the way I appeared. I felt I didn’t look like my usual self for some reason, but I suppose I didn’t feel myself either. I grabbed my handbag and added a few other items — gloves, a matching scarf and a small umbrella. I then called a cab, which promised to arrive in ten minutes, sprayed on some perfume and made my way out.

By the time I got to the grounds at the front of the building, the taxi was already waiting on the driveway. The weather was familiarly cool, so I put on my scarf and gloves. The taxi ride was short. I almost felt guilty troubling the poor driver, so I compensated him with a good tip. I wasn’t exactly clear as to what I was going to do at the village, or more importantly, what I was going to do when I got back. I just needed to be somewhere else, in a different environment.

The village was quaint. Not big by any means and from where I stood I could see everything that it had to offer. It appeared to be hundreds of years old, unspoilt by time and saturated with original features. I guess it had everything an old English village ought to have; a church, pub, post office, supermarket and a few other shops in between. The main street was wide and cobblestoned, yet off limits to cars, and off the main street were many residential laneways. The majority of locals that were out and about were elderly, which accounted for the lack of noise. You could hear a pin drop or, in this instance, my heels crushing into the stone ground. The air was unspoiled, which allowed me to take in all the smells of the local bakery as I passed and in the distance, high above the village was a landscape that could be employed by any photographer.

Suddenly, a great idea came to me. I would buy a gift for James! Firstly, it would give me an excuse to see him when I got back, and secondly, he would love the gesture. Everything would be OK, I convinced myself. A long shot, I know, but definitely worth the try. I continued to stroll down the street, this time with a mission, looking from side to side for ideas for James’s gift. Knowing that it would only take me about 20 minutes to go through this main stretch I decided to take my time.

I noticed a wooden bench outside the bakery and sat there. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and took in a cold breath. I thought about the perfect gift, knowing that my choices would be limited to what was around me.

A cold wind rushed by me, causing me to shiver. I kept my eyes closed. I was in complete darkness. Suddenly there was laughter and only pure happiness in my mind. Still with my eyes shut, I tried to focus on where the laughter was coming from. I could smell sweet-scented flowers and hear the rustling of autumn leaves. Victoria and Jonathon were in the distance, laughing together, deeply in love and joyously happy. Jonathon was trying to catch Victoria, but she was being playful and trying to avoid being caught. He finally gently took her hand and brought her close, his laugh turning into a soft smile. Victoria was pleased to be caught. She opened the palm of his hand and placed something in it. She kissed him, passionately, before she ran away, laughing, encouraging yet another playful chase. Jonathon didn’t react. Clearly taken by the kiss, he opened his hand and with the other, lifted up a gold chain with an oval locket. Visibly pleased, he clenched it safe into his palm and with a smile back on his face again, was in pursuit of the woman he loved.

I loved it. I really loved that scene; they were obviously married and completely happy, finally some new inspiration for my story.”

“Is everything alright?” a man’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Excuse me,” I exclaimed as I opened my eyes, embarrassingly realising that I must have appeared to be asleep on the bench.

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to intrude, Catherine,” the gentleman said.

How did he know my name?

I sat up and corrected my posture. When I refocused, I realised it was Richard Cartwright.

“I noticed you sleeping here a while ago, but I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Wake me? I wasn’t asleep. I was just closing my eyes and thinking,” I replied self-consciously.

“Oh, thinking? What about?”

“Nothing!” was my quick and defensive reply.

“It didn’t seem like nothing. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have said that it looked like you were enjoying a man’s company in your thoughts.”

“What? That’s ridiculous!” I shouted back, offended by his suggestion. I refused to talk about it with him any longer, and got up to walk away.

“Wait!” He grabbed my hand and pulled me back down onto the seat. “Please stay. I will go. It’s your thinking bench and I was out of line, I’m sorry.”

I tried to keep a serious look on my face, but I couldn’t and we both broke into laughter.

“Let’s start this conversation over again, OK?” he pleaded.

“OK,” I agreed and sat back down.

“What brings you to our humble village this gloomy Sunday morning, may I ask?”

“Well, I am looking for a gift for a friend actually. Maybe you could help me. I naïvely didn’t expect a limited amount of shops here. Is there a jewellery shop close by?”

“Jeweller? Of course! I will take you to the best jeweller in London if you like.”

“No… that’s not necessary. I’m sure there is something here… in town.”

“Alright… I know just the place. Very reputable,” he paused for a second and then continued. “Well it happens to be the only one,” he joked with a wink. “I will take you now if you like,” he said as he stood up and put his hand out.

“Oh, OK, thank you…” I got up without his help, which I could see took him by surprise.

As we made our way to the jeweller, Richard gave me a guided tour, enlightening me on the history of the village and the people of the town. It was all very interesting and I was grateful, but inside, my stomach was turning over and over. I felt uneasy that I was walking around here with him and not James. Luckily for me, we didn’t have to walk far. The jeweller, a tall, bald man in a crimson velvet jacket, seemed very happy to see us, and welcomed Richard as we walked in.

I wondered why someone like Richard be spending his Sunday in such a quiet village.

“Nicolas, I would like you to meet Catherine, who is looking for a gift for a friend,” he explained as he turned to me and smiled.

“Hello,” I replied, still amazed by the colour of Nicolas’s jacket, which was quite audacious for an Englishman.

“Good day. Do you have something in mind?” Nicolas enquiry as he motioned to the glass cabinet in front of him.

“Um… kind of. May I?” I said, requesting permission to browse.

“Of course, please do. Take all the time you need,” he said.

Nicolas then came out from behind the glass counter towards Richard and shook his hand as they started talking. I scanned through the items he had on display. He had unusual rings, bangles, necklaces, almost everything. But I couldn’t seem to find what I was looking for. Both Richard and Nicolas must have noticed my disappointed moan as they both turned to look at me.

“No luck?” Richard yelled out from across the shop.

“No. I mean you have many beautiful items. But not what I am looking for,” I replied.

“What is it that you are looking for?” Nicolas asked, now more than curious to help me. “I do have other stock packed away, as I can’t have everything out at once.”

“Well, what I was after was a gold oval locket.”

“Oval locket… Yes, actually, I do have one. But it’s estate jewellery. Is that fine?”

“Of course, that’s fine.”

“I won’t be a minute,” he said, excusing himself as he went out back.

I looked across at Richard and gave him a half-hearted smile. I wasn’t quite sure why he was being so helpful. I just wished it was James here with me now, not him.

“Here we are, how’s this one?” he said as he took the locket out of its box and placed it on a black velvet mat. “That’s it! It’s perfect! I’ll take it!” I couldn’t contain my joy. “Thank you, thank you!”

“Would you like me to engrave it for you?”

“Engrave it… Ah, I’m not sure. I’ll think about it, thank you,” I replied. This certainly wasn’t the time for that and I didn’t want Richard to see the message. Once I had paid for the locket, Nicolas placed it in a black velvet box, handed me a business card, and reminded me to return when I decided to have it engraved.

“Where to now?” Richard asked excitedly after we had left the shop.

“Well, I think I will head back to the college. Thank you again for your help,” I thanked him and started to walk away.

“Go back? You must be joking! Please, let me take you to lunch,” he pleaded.

“No! I mean, thank you, but I really need to get back. I have some work to prepare for my students before tomorrow’s classes.”

“Alright then, I will let you go. But please let me drive you back. It really isn’t worth troubling a taxi.”

I didn’t want to go with him, but he did have a point about the taxi and he had helped me find the gift, so I agreed.

We walked to his car, which was a very flashy sports car. He opened my door and held my hand to help me in before going around the car to get into the driver’s seat, starting the car and driving off. Surprisingly, he drove quite slowly, which was not what I was anticipating. I let out a little giggle.

“Have I missed something?” he asked.

“Well… to be honest, when I saw your car, I assumed you were going to tear off and I would have to hold on tight. But you drive like an old woman!” I said, with a smirk on my face, quite surprised that I had told him the truth.

“Well, on a normal day I would, but today isn’t a normal day… you’re in my car and I want my time with you to last as long as possible.”

My face instantly became red hot. I was so embarrassed by his response and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I turned towards the window, praying he couldn’t see my face.

“Did I embarrass you?”

“No… of course not!” I quickly replied turning my head forward again. As soon as I could see the college, I felt more at ease. The car came to a sluggish stop.

“Thank you for today,” I told him, opening my door and getting out of his car as quickly as possible.

I quickly made my way to my room, not wanting to see or bump into anyone. When I finally got into my room, I closed the door, locked it and leaned my back on it, clenching my bag. And then, like a child opening a birthday present, I pulled out the velvet box from my bag, took out the locket and held it in my hand. I brought it close to my chest and prayed that it would bring James and me good luck. I opened my eyes and studied the locket. It was perfect. I tried to open it but I couldn’t. It was stuck. Frustrated, I placed it on the desk and walked away, feeling foolish that I hadn’t checked it while I was in the shop. I still wanted to give it to James, and soon. I was no good at surprises or waiting for the right moment. I hated being surprised as much as holding onto one. I grabbed the locket, placed it back in its box and headed out of my room to look for James. I went to the common room first, but didn’t go all the way in, just poked my head in.

“If you’re looking for Miss Kent, she is not back, dear!” yelled out one of the professors.

“OK, thank you,” I replied and quickly left the room, starting to make my way towards James’s office. As I got closer I started to feel insecure again and child-like. I then remembered the Victoria in my dreams. She was child-like and Jonathon loved her for it. I got to the door, took a moment and then knocked. There was no answer but I heard something inside, so I grabbed the door handle and started to turn it slowly.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Mr Kemp whispered from behind me placing his hand over mine, stopping me from entering.

“I am here to see James,” I explained, stunned that I didn’t hear him creep up.

“Well he is not in his office,” he said. Mr Kemp grabbed my hand and directed me away from James’s office.

“Come with me!” he demanded.

I was mortified. I didn’t want to go anywhere with him!

“Let go of me!” I protested.

“No! You are playing with fire, you know. Don’t you realise that?” he said.

“No! I think you are! Wait until James hears about this!” I retaliated.

“Whose orders do you think I am following, Cathy?” His smugness was frustrating.

“What? I don’t believe you,” I struggled, trying to make him release my wrist, but the man, although short and stumpy, was surprisingly strong.

“You don’t know what you are getting yourself into!” he warned.

“Mr Kemp, don’t you think you’re overreacting to this: James and I being here at the college? Do you think you could find another hobby, other than annoying me?”

“Annoying you,” he finally let go of my hand. “Now Cathy, you need to listen and try to understand what I have to say. You and Mr Barclay must not be together, ever. You had your chance and you weren’t meant to be.”

“Had our chance? That’s nonsense. We haven’t been given a chance at all.”

“Oh you silly child, you don’t understand!” he muttered in frustration.

“Mr Kemp, it’s you that isn’t making any sense.”

“Cathy, Mr Barclay is in agreement with me.”

“That is a lie!” I shouted. “You’re lying!”

“No, I am not,” his voice lowered and he almost sounded as though he felt sorry for me. “Cathy, I care about you more than you could possibly believe. You just have to trust me that I know more than you and I have seen this end badly before and I will be damned if you think I will sit quietly. The two of you give me no choice but to intervene.”

”What are you talking about?” I started to walk away from him; I couldn’t comprehend how he was allowed to teach with his erratic and behaviour.

“Cathy!”

“You’re mad. Stay away from me!”

When I got to James’s office, I decided not to knock. I just opened the door and locked it behind me. I was slightly embarrassed that I just barged in, but I wanted to get away from Mr Kemp. The curtains were closed and the lights were off, making the room completely dark.

“James, it’s me,” I whispered. I took several steps into the room. I knew James was in here but I didn’t understand why he wasn’t by responding to me. Could Mr Kemp possibly be right, that he didn’t want to see me?

“James, are you in here? Can you please turn the lights on? I need to talk to you.”

Suddenly, I sensed movement.

I felt his body brush by mine. He was behind me. I could feel the heat from his body, his hands on my arms, pulling me close to him. He pulled my hair away to one side and kissed my neck. I felt like my body and soul had been drugged and I couldn’t speak. My body felt heavy and motionless. I could hear banging at the door. The doorknob was being moved around. It was obviously Mr Kemp outside, trying to get in. James was not concerned so neither was I. He continued to kiss me.

The thumping on the door continued.

“Catherine, open the door!” he yelled.

What? The voice didn’t sound like Mr Kemp.

“Catherine!” the voice yelled again.

“James…? James…?” My heart stopped. I felt my body crumble as I fell to the floor and screamed in terror. Who is in the room with me?

“Catherine!” James yelled.

There was a huge pound at the door that tore it off its hinges. Light instantly flooded into the room, James was charging towards me, followed by Mr Kemp. I still couldn’t move, fearing the sight of whomever or whatever was in that room.

“Dear God!” James said as he fell to his knees. He looked around and I waited for a clash between James and the other man, but nothing. James grabbed me and pulled me close to him.

“James, be careful.”

He scouted around the room, but there was no one there.

“Where did he go?” I screamed to James.

I then looked at Mr Kemp who stood in the doorway, pale and not wanting to enter the room.

“Where did he go?” I yelled at Mr Kemp. No one would answer me.

I stood up and looked around the room, still fearful that I would actually find what I was looking for. I couldn’t make sense of it. Had they let him go in those few seconds? James was now standing looking at Mr Kemp. I went to him and held onto his shirt.

“I thought it was you. I did!” I cried.

“It’s alright, I have you now. I’m not going to leave you ever again,” James said, looking at Mr Kemp to make sure his intentions were clear.

“James, he kissed me and I let him… I thought it was you…” I said as I grabbed onto James and buried my face into his chest. James grabbed my arms and pushed me away from him to look me in the eyes.

“Kissed you?” he asked with alarm.

“Yes, there was someone in this room. I came in here to see you to give you a gift. Mr Kemp tried to stop me, but he was being awful and I wanted to escape him, so I just came in and locked the door. But it was so dark.”

I shook my head with disbelief and looked up at James.

“Is this college haunted?” I asked.

“Pardon? No… Of course not!” James replied. He then looked at Mr Kemp, who was now making his way to us.

“Is that what you think is happening? That this college has a ghost? Is that really what you think?” Mr Kemp asked with sarcasm in his tone.

“I don’t know. Something is happening, I hear voices. I feel like I know things that I couldn’t possibly know, and now this. Wait…” I looked at Mr Kemp in shock. “You didn’t push me into James’s door, did you?”

“Finally, she gets something right,” Mr Kemp replied again with sarcasm, I guess I deserved that one.

I looked at James. “And you know that for sure, how can you be so sure. If you have the slightest idea as to why this is happening or who is doing this, you have to tell me.” I pleaded.

To my disappointment, Mr Kemp answered instead of James. “We can’t tell you anything, that is the problem; you have to figure this out on your own. This college, haunted?” he muttered, amused.

I looked at James. “What is he talking about?”

“Mr Barclay, please remember what we spoke about and agreed to,” Mr Kemp reminded James in a stern voice.

James took hold of my hand, directed me to his chair and knelt beside me. Mr Kemp went back to the door to attempt to fix it. “Mr Kemp is on our side,” he continued.

“Sides? Are we in battle?” I asked sarcastically.

“Not exactly… When he, Mr Kemp, wanted you gone, it was to protect you, so that you didn’t have to go through what you are going through now. He has been right from the beginning.”

He then looked at Mr Kemp with a look that seemed thankful.

“He is a very important man, whose life is beyond belief, and we need him on our side. If we are to be together, we need him.”

I couldn‘t believe what I was hearing. Mr Kemp is the hero of the day? This just keeps getting weirder.

“What did he mean by I need to figure this out on my own? Can’t you help me?”

“That’s not possible. It just doesn’t work that way, I’m sorry.”

“Are you sure you can trust him?” I looked at Mr Kemp who was still working on the door.

“Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, but yes, I most definitely trust him, and you have to also.”

“I don’t know — I really don’t think he likes me…” I said unconvinced.

“What he thinks of you is not important, but your safety is.”

“James, I don’t know what you want me to say. This… all of this doesn’t make sense to me. And I am suppose to figure this out like it’s a riddle and you’re the prize,” I said putting the gift I was holding into James’s hand.

He looked down at his hands, then looked at me confused.

“I got you a gift today. That’s why I came here,” I whispered.

James straightened his posture and smiled.

“Are you sure you want to give this to me now?” he questioned me, as he looked at Mr Kemp.

I smiled my answer.

“Alright,” James smiled, opened the pouch and emptied it into his hand. He brought it close and seemed to be overwhelmed. He was both happy and sad at the same time. I felt confused.

“You got this?”

“Yes.”

“Why this?”

“Do you think it is silly?”

“No, not at all… It’s perfect, I am just curious as to why you picked this?”

“A daydream… I…”

“Thank you… anything inside?” he interrupted.

Before I could answer, James had clicked it open, without even trying.

“What? No message?” he asked cheekily.

“No, not yet. Any ideas?”

“Actually yes, but I will wait to see what you come up with,” he replied.

“Mr Barclay, Cathy, I hate to interrupt all this that, but we do have to set some rules. What happened to you today cannot be repeated. What would have happened if we were not here to intervene?” Mr Kemp said as he closed the door that he had successfully fixed, an impressive effort.

“Happen again? Do you think that’s possible?” I directed my question to James.

“Happen again my dear girl? Yes, yes it is quite possible,” Mr Kemp butted in again.

“Mr Kemp, please, not now. Scaring her like this will not help,” James insisted.

“Mr Barclay, if she has no idea and doesn’t remember anything before her next encounter, being frightened is the least of her concerns.”

“Remember what?”

No one answered.

“What am I suppose to remember?” I turned to James for a reply.

“Nothing. You will stay in my room and between the two of us,” he looked at Mr Kemp “you will not be left alone.”

“Is that your plan?” Mr Kemp grunted.

“Yes, yes it is.”

“I think that’s a wonderful plan,” I agreed, excited about the prospect of staying in James’s room every night.

Mr Kemp walked over to where James and I were.

He looked furious and frustrated. He pulled up a chair and sat close by; he took a few deep breaths to compose himself and then looked me straight in the eyes, paused for a moment then spoke.

“I want it to be known that I believe this is a dreadful plan. This is not a joke; I don’t envision you staying in James’s room will help the situation. However, I don’t think we have any other avenue to take, you can’t stay in mine and no-one else must know of what has happened today or even that you and Mr Barclay have feelings for each other, no-one,” he repeated. “Do you understand that?”

He paused for an answer.

I nodded and looked away. Mr Kemp’s eyes were too intense.

“Mr Kemp, thank you. I know you mean well. If Catherine spends more time with me, maybe things will become clearer to her?” James suggested.

“You two must never… um… you know… just complicate things,” Mr Kemp was so embarrassed by the thought of his insinuation that he struggled to get his words out.

James waited and let him suffer a bit before responding. “I understand that, and I can restrain myself but…” James then looked at me, indicating that I was the one who needed to show restraint. I playfully hit James on the chest, which got him laughing and Mr Kemp shaking his head, once again in frustration.

“Oh, well, don’t say I didn’t warn you then…” he whispered to himself as he left the room.

James held me close and looked directly into my eyes.

“I need you to take this very seriously Catherine. You must never be alone. Mr Kemp is right. This cannot happen again.”

“I can’t believe it happened at all. I know you and Mr Kemp are holding back something from me. But I trust you. I just hope I don’t let you down.”

“Everything will be fine. Just try and resist kissing anyone else but me. I can get very jealous.”

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months and there were no more ‘strange encounters’. I couldn’t have been happier. Despite the supervised walks, day trips to the village and Mr Kemp’s constant daily check in, everything seemed to be normal. My students were responding positively to my teaching. I had gained the respect of all the teachers. It took weeks for Jules to stop being suspicious about Mr Kemp’s sudden acceptance of me and this was only helped by the fact that she and Dr Simons had become a little more than friends. They were now spending most of their spare time together, which I thought was wonderful, but Jules and I still had our Sunday morning runs together. I ensured we would meet every Sunday morning at the fountain on the front lawns at 7 o’clock, so she would not see me leave James’s room. In the evenings, our self-control was put to the test, stretched repeatedly and almost shattered. James would spend most nights reading and trying to resist me, and I would spend most nights frustrated.

On a Saturday night, when all the students had left for spring break and more than half the teachers had also cleared out, I decided I would wear something for bed that would be too hard to resist. Most of my clothes were in James’s room now, but not what I had planned to wear to bed this evening. I’d had enough. My will power was not as good as his. I pulled out a black negligee that I had bought from the village while Jules was busy in another shop. I waited for 15 minutes, then left for James’s room. No one was in the corridor, so I opened James’s door. James had just walked out of the shower and had only a towel around him. My face felt flushed and my heart started to thump. I smiled innocently.

“Hi, sorry should I come back later?”

“No, of course not, it’s absolutely fine.” He came close to me and we kissed. Our bodies touched and it was perfect. He had a second towel around his neck drying his hair while he opened his drawer to take out some clothes to change into.

“I might have my shower now; I can’t wait to relax this evening.”

“I will get you a towel,” James responded, obligingly leaving his clothes drawer and opening another. He pulled out two fresh towels and handed them to me. I smiled. I went into the bathroom with my paper bag, and closed the door behind me. I couldn’t contain my laughter. Normally I would have my shower in my room and then come into his room already changed. But tonight was going to be different.

Nothing out of the ordinary had happened for over two months now and I fear that any day soon Mr Kemp would give the ‘all clear’ and I would have to go back to my room. My shower was quick. I didn’t need to wash my hair and I slipped on my lingerie.

Great purchase, Catherine!

I shook my hair around and went over my plan of action in my head. I nodded to myself and then opened the door. James was sitting on his bed, legs stretched out and reading as per usual. I walked right past him, made no eye contact, and went straight to his desk. I slowly took off my watch and earrings, the entire time hoping he was watching me. I turned around, and there he was, stunned and speechless.

Mission accomplished!

“Catherine,” he choked out my name.

“Yes,” I replied seductively.

“You look… Please don’t do this to me!”

“Do what?” I said naively as I turned on the side lamp and turned off the main lights.

“Catherine…” he said again, with a smirk on his face and laughter in his voice.

“What are you reading tonight?” I asked.

“You…” He didn’t finish his sentence. He just looked at me, shaking his head slowly from side to side. I got into bed and sat close beside him.

“James, nothing has happened in a long while now. Can’t we just put it all behind us? I don’t want you to resist me anymore.” I pulled my hair to the side, kissed him on his cheek and whispered into his ear that I needed him to love me. Slowly I placed my hands on his shoulders and chest and kissed him. James then placed his hands on my back, pulled my body close to his and took total control. I felt intoxicated as he started kissing my neck. He then pulled away.

“Catherine, we should stop.”

“No!”

“Catherine!”

“Why?”

“We need to stop, this is far from over. You’re killing me,” he said, as he looked me up and down, got off the bed and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?

“For a walk… I’m sorry.”

I sat on the bed, feeling annoyed and a bit guilty. I know he wants me as much as I want him, I just thought I would try my luck.

Shortly after James left, there was a knock at the door. I got out of bed and ran to the door, convinced that James had come to his senses.

“Oh, it’s you.” There was disappointment in my voice.

Mr Kemp stood there in his flannelette pyjamas, brown, of course. He looked irritated. He was cleaning his glasses and hadn’t yet acknowledged that I had answered the door. He walked straight into James’s room, ranting and raving, something about Mr Barclay needing to go for a walk at this hour. When he finally put his glasses on, he looked at me and paused for a while.

“Ah… I see. Are you trying to kill him?” Mr Kemp said, laughing as he sat on the desk chair, fiddling through James’s books. I put on the robe and sat on the end of the bed.

“Cathy, have anymore strange occurrences happened since… that day in Mr Barclay’s office?”

Here we go.

“No, not really.” I replied frustrated.

“You don’t seem very sure about your answer!”

“It’s… little things.”

“Can you tell me what they are?” he asked, with a soft voice. He turned his chair around to face me, obviously pleased that I had covered myself a bit more.

“Well… I feel like I am having déjà vu episodes nearly every day… It could be something as small as brushing my hair, or even whole sentences that I say to James.”

“Anyone else? I mean other than Mr Barclay? Do you have these déjà vu feelings with anyone else?”

“No, just James. Maybe because we have been spending more time with each other and, to be honest, when we aren’t together I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“And do you have any thoughts about this?”

“No, not sensible ones.”

“You know, we really haven’t spoken about that day in Mr Barclay’s office, but I cannot understand how you did not notice the difference between James and… well, you know.”

“Our ghost Mr Kemp? I think about that every day and it makes me feel ill in my stomach. But, to be honest, there wasn’t much distinction for me to even consider that it wasn’t James in the room with me. Honestly.” I paused and sighed. “What do you think, Mr Kemp?”

“Oh, it does not matter what I think.”

“But it does. I know you and James know a lot more than you’re letting on, and it irritates me! You’re expecting me to figure it out all on my own and there is a chance I may never figure it out. What then?”

“In a year’s time, you will be back in Australia and all this will be a distant memory.”

Distant memory!

I was about to abuse Mr Kemp for even mentioning my return to Australia and leaving James, when I heard footsteps at the door. James opened the door and Mr Kemp immediately stood up, said goodnight and left. James was still in the doorway when Mr Kemp passed him. They exchanged glances and James came into the room, locking the door behind him. He placed his keys on the desk and walked without delay towards me.

“Hello…” he said with a smirk on his face.

“Hi… Did you enjoy your walk?” I replied, a matching smirk on my face.

“Yes, thank you. I want to apologise. I shouldn’t have encouraged you. I need you to understand. There is one other thing that I want more than having you completely: your safety! Now, unless you want to spend your nights with Mr Kemp, I suggest you take off what you’re wearing and put on something that covers you right up. Oh, and when I mean take it off, you can do that in the bathroom.” He grabbed my shoulders, turned me around and marched me off, like a child, to the bathroom. I could see that there was no choice but to follow his orders. The thought of spending my nights with that mad scientist filled me with dread.

I put on my usual attire: long pants with a t-shirt and came out of the bathroom. James was in bed again, reading. I got straight under the covers and lay on my pillow.

“Good night then,” I said, irritated.

“Good night, my love,” James replied.

There they are again… those same words.

I felt like James had said those words to me a thousand times before. I found it hard to sleep. What Mr Kemp had said to me kept playing, over and over, in my mind?

If I don’t figure this out, it doesn’t matter because I will be gone by the end of the year? Is that what James also feels? It can’t be. I have to figure it out, even if I have to tempt fate. I need to know.

CHAPTER SEVEN

The next morning, James had to wake me for my run with Jules. I hadn’t slept well, disturbed by the thought of being sent back to Australia and being separated from James.

That will never happen! I just won’t allow it!

I rushed to get dressed. I didn’t want Jules knocking on my door looking for me.

“Enjoy your run.”

“Will do.”

James opened the door, poked his head out and then gave me the ‘all clear’ to leave. I headed for the stairs. I didn’t even get halfway down when I spotted Jules heading up the stairs.

“Good morning, sleepy head. I knocked on your door but you didn’t answer, so I assumed you were already down there waiting for me.”

“Sorry Jules, I didn’t hear you. I must have been in the shower. Why aren’t you dressed for our run?” I enquiry.

“Oh dear Catherine, I feel like I am coming down with something and it looks like it might rain. I really don’t think it’s a good idea for me to run this morning.”

“Oh, that’s fine. Get some rest and I hope you feel better soon.”

“I will walk down with you to the front lawn,” she said as she turned back around and headed down.

“Oh Jules, I think I will also give it a miss.”

“Oh, no… I will be so upset if you don’t go on account of me. You know the track and if it does rain, head for the old miner’s cottage to wait it out.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded and smiled as I headed back down the stairs.

“OK, but you go back to your room, don’t come out again.”

“Alright. Have a great run.”

I started out on a slow jog, still hesitant about whether I should actually go. I hadn’t been on my own like this for months, but I had to go. Jules had insisted. I just wondered what James and Mr Kemp would do when they found out. It was colder than usual and the grounds were wet and muddy from last night’s heavy rain. The weather was gloomy and the air misty, which suited my mood. I wished I hadn’t worn my three-quarter tights and new joggers. The muck on the ground was now on my lower legs and all over my white shoes. I couldn’t pick up my pace for fear of slipping and the jog seemed to drag on forever. I was bored, cold and annoyed. I started to think about Mr Kemp and how happy he would be if I did go back to Australia. He could have his room back and would not have to babysit me again.

But how would James feel? I would be crushed. I can’t imagine me living happily back home anymore. I have to stay.

As I contemplated all the possible scenarios, the rain started pelting down. I pulled my hood over my head. I was so angry with myself now, for going on this run, especially without Jules. I tried to decide the best course of action.

Should I turn back now and have a 40-minute run back in the pouring rain or should I take the cottage trail, about 15 minutes away?

I stopped and took a second to decide. Unexpectedly, I became conscious of soft voices behind me. I turned around quickly, but I could see no one there. My heart started racing, blood rushed to my head, I felt panicked and at that moment decided I wasn’t going back.

I will go to the cottage and wait it out.

I continued with a fast walk. I was now at a cross road and I took the left track. I hadn’t gone this way since that first time with Jules. Forgetting how rugged the track was, I became increasingly fearful of losing my footing. I slowed down my pace, not wanting to deal with any injuries. The rain started pounding even faster, if that was at all possible. While still jogging I looked back over my shoulder out of paranoia.

Huh? I could have sworn I saw a silhouette of someone…

It stopped me in my tracks.

“Who’s there?” I shouted as I started walking backward, frightened that something was about to creep up on me. I felt sick in the stomach. The echo of the wind and the pounding of the rain was deafening, but not enough to drown out the sound of my heart racing. I decided to turn and run as fast as I could, praying that I wouldn’t fall. The faster I ran, the more terrified I became. I could now hear branches snapping and loud thumping against the ground behind me. The vibrations shook my body. I wanted to scream, but nothing would come out. I could see the cottage up ahead, but it didn’t matter. Exhausted and overcome, I felt my body wanting to stop. With no control or force in my legs, I stumbled to the ground, landing on rocks and other debris.

“Stop!” I screamed. The sting of pain was unbearable.

I closed my eyes and screamed in terror, no longer able to run away.

“Catherine, what in God’s name…?”

I looked up and it was Richard, running towards me from the cottage. My body started to shake as I tried to stand, but I couldn’t. Still afraid of what was behind me, and despite the pain in my hands and knees, I attempted to crawl. I struggled to keep my eyes open. Richard lunged to the ground and lifted me up. I could see his lips moving but I couldn’t hear him. The distressed look on his face pleased me. It gave me hope that he knew that there was danger nearby, and would be vigilant. Everything around me seemed in slow motion, no sounds could be heard anymore. The rain seemed to fall but couldn’t be felt on my skin. My ears felt blocked; the way they did when I dove into the pool as a child. I didn’t want to speak. I was too drained.

Moments later, I was lying down on the lounge in the cottage in front of the lit fireplace. I could feel the warmth. I looked to see Richard on his mobile. He appeared upset but I didn’t know why. I smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back. He slammed his mobile on the table and came towards me. Grabbing his forehead, he started talking again. I couldn’t understand why he was so angry. I decided to close my eyes. I figured I had earned the rest. But Richard didn’t let me. He shook me and yelled at me, which made my ears pop. The sound of the rain on the roof could now be clearly heard.

“Catherine, I need you to stay awake. I need to go and get help. There is no service on my phone,” he said.

I shook my head from side to side. “No… you can’t leave me here! No… please don’t leave me!” I pleaded.

“You’re hurt, Catherine.”

I couldn’t understand what he meant other than being tired. I felt no pain. I looked down at myself to see that my leg was cut open and there was blood all over me.

“Oh my God!”

I closed my eyes and turned my head away.

“Please, don’t be frightened… I will fix it for you. It’s nothing. I think there is a first-aid kit somewhere around here,” I heard him mumble to himself.

With my eyes still shut, I could hear the racket of cupboards and drawers being opened and slammed shut.

“Here we are,” Richard said as he returned. “Catherine, I apologise, this could hurt a little.”

I kept my eyes closed. I did not want to see my leg again. I screamed out in pain, the wound on my leg felt like it was burning.

“Stop, please stop!” I pleaded.

“No Catherine, keep your leg still. I have to stop the bleeding,” he snapped back at me.

I felt awful for what I had brought on myself. I loved James so much that I was willing to go head to head with something that was so terrifying and that I still didn’t understand.

I need to know what’s going on, but killing myself in the process isn’t going to bring James and I closer together. Oh, I can just imagine what Mr Kemp is going to say when he hears about this. And James. When he realises I’m not back and sees Jules. Oh, I can’t bear to think what I’m going to put him through. I wish I could take back today and start all over again. I would have turned back up those stairs and jumped back into bed with him.

“Right… Now that is the best I can do, considering,” Richard said, looking at his attempt at first-aid.

I opened my eyes guardedly and looked down at my wound, which was now bandaged and didn’t burn anymore.

I looked up at Richard, who for the first time seemed to be a gentle, caring person, not his usual arrogant self.

“Thank you… I…” I couldn’t speak, I just cried. I covered my face out of embarrassment and felt his hand gently hold my arm. I quickly stopped and wiped my eyes. I had to leave before James realised I went on my own.

”I have to go.”

“Go? You can’t go anywhere in this weather. When the rain stops we can walk to my car, it’s at the village a few minutes from here.

“It’s strange, I am not even sure why I came to the cottage today. I think it was fate that I was here for you,” Richard replied with a smile.

I didn’t reply, just smiled politely.

“I’m guessing you were going for a run and came here because of the rain, but I don’t understand why you looked so terrified. What happened?” he asked gently as he grabbed a chair and sat in front of me.

“It’s silly… I thought I heard someone chasing me,” I replied hesitantly.

“Chasing you?” he repeated, disturbed.

“I ran as fast as I could. I guess I worked myself up and fell, and I suppose that’s when I cut myself.”

“Did you see anyone?”

I then thought of the dark silhouette, the hard stomping on the ground and the trees breaking behind me. I got shivers down my spine.

“No… No I didn’t, I know, I’m so stupid. Look what I have done to myself and not to mention dragging you into this. I really am so sorry.”

“Not at all. Now, I need to get you out of these wet clothes.”

“I guess you’re right.”

As Richard left the room, I shook my head at the mess I had gotten myself into.

How will I ever be able to face Mr Kemp and James after this?

Anxious to get back to the college, I attempted to get off the lounge. My assessment of the damage indicated the pain to be bearable. I limped towards the window. The rain had stopped. I was pleased about that.

“Be careful! I wouldn’t be moving around so much just yet, Catherine,” Richard said as he entered the room, holding up an old over-sized navy jacket.

“Is that for me?”

“Unfortunately, yes. But I have every confidence that you will manage to look beautiful in it.”

Embarrassed, I limped to him and took the jacket.

“Thank you, I won’t be a second,” I stated, and headed to the bedroom. Once inside, I was faced with the problem of changing. My tights were a nuisance to take off. Being wet, they were stuck to my body, and being unable to freely move my leg around made a simple task irritating and time-consuming. The jacket was unbelievably ugly, but it was warm and dry. I picked my wet clothes up from the floor, thinking I might be able to dry them in front of the fireplace. To my shock, James was standing in the middle of the room. Richard was beside the table. I tried to contain myself and act the way I would if I wasn’t incredibly in love with this man.

“See? She’s fine!” Richard said.

James didn’t acknowledge him. He just stared at me as if he was seeing a ghost. My heart broke. All I wanted was to be in his arms, but I couldn’t. Richard was already getting suspicious of James’s behavior.

“Are you alright?” James asked me in a low voice.

I wished he hadn’t asked me anything. It was killing me just seeing him like this. I had brought nothing but pain to this man, and this made me feel that I would somehow be the death of him.

“I am so sorry for worrying you. I’m fine, honestly. Just clumsy.” I started limping back to the lounge to sit down. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see anger across James’s face as he watched me limp. I sat down on the end of the lounge closer to him. There was an awkward silence for a while.

“James, you can go back if you like. Catherine is fine. I am in no hurry, I can stay with her until the rain stops and walk her to my car, which isn’t far, and drive her back to the college.”

James stood tall and looked directly at Richard. “I am not going anywhere. You will find that my car is next to yours and Dr Simons is in it, so if you need to leave, feel free.”

“A car and a doctor. I guess you win!” Richard said as he looked out the window. “Oh well, it looks like you also seem to control the weather. The rain’s stopped! Well, if I am not needed anymore, then I guess I will be off. Catherine, I hope you have a speedy recovery and please feel free to use this cottage whenever you need to,” Richard said as he made his way toward me. He crouched down in front of me.

“Be careful! I would hate for something to happen to you if I wasn’t there to help you.”

“Thank you,” I said hesitantly.

I knew Richard was trying to get under James’s skin. I couldn’t see James’s reaction, because he was purposely turned away.

“James, always a pleasure,” Richard taunted, before promptly leaving.

Neither one of us spoke for a while.

“Are you in pain?” James’s angelic voice finally broke the silence.

“No… No… I am fine,” I answered, quickly.

“Richard said that you thought someone was chasing you… is that true?”

“Um… yes James, I can’t go back to Australia — I won’t!”

“I don’t understand.”

“Mr Kemp said that if I don’t figure out what’s happening on my own, it wouldn’t matter because I have to leave at the end of the year anyway,” I confessed.

“So, you’re now in a hurry to figure this out? If this is the result of you trying to understand what’s going on, then I don’t want this!”

James started to walk away from me. I got up quickly and grabbed his hand.

“James, stop! What do you mean you don’t want this, this as in me?”

“Catherine, I love you. I would rather not have your love if you have to go through this,” he said, pointing to my leg.

“I hate what’s going on, it’s like… ah… it’s like I’m being hurt for loving you. I feel as if you have always been mine, always. We just need to be given a chance, that’s all, just a chance,” I cried.

James looked baffled, but somewhat pleased. He pulled me close.

“Let’s leave before the rain starts up again.”

James grabbed my wet clothes off the lounge, took my hand and led the way. I felt uneasy.

“The car is only a few minutes away, I will help you.”

I nodded as I held onto his arm for support, going down the few steps. We went down a little track behind the cottage. It was paved and well kept, we walked for about three or four minutes until we were at the beginning of the village. Sitting in James’s car was Dr Simons.

I wish he wasn’t here. Dr Simons being here meant I would have to let go of James’s hand. When we got closer, I loosened my hand, but he held on tighter. I looked up at him. “James, what are you doing? Dr Simons will see us!”

James didn’t seem to mind. He even had a defiant grin on his face. He must have lost his mind. I started to get nervous and agitated. Dr Simons was now just a few metres away.

“Catherine, what happened to your leg, are you alright?”

I looked at James. I didn’t know what to say or do anymore. James had thrown me right off. I looked at Dr Simons. He wasn’t even taken aback by James holding my hand.

“Um… I fell… But I’m OK, really.”

Dr Simons ignored my reassurance, instead looking to James for his opinion.

“I haven’t seen the wound; you will need to attend to it when we arrive at the college.”

“Of course, of course.”

James continued to hold my hand as we made our way into the car. I tried to get his attention to indicate my shock. He wasn’t worried about being caught. I still couldn’t get his attention, but Dr Simons’ smiled at me.

“Catherine, I am thrilled about you and Mr Barclay, just thrilled.”

My mouth dropped open. I was in complete shock.

“Catherine, I had no choice. Dr Simons seems to see you almost as much I do these days.”

Dr Simons started to laugh. I could see James trying to restrain himself from laughing too.

“What!” I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore them.

“Does Jules know?”

“No, no one else.”

“What does Dr Simons… actually know?”

“Just that I love you,” he said and kissed me on the lips, before closing the door.

Back at the college, I felt tired and just wanted to sleep. I couldn’t believe that it was only a little past 11 o’clock. I yawned as Dr Simons attended to my leg in his medical room.

“Where is Jules? Does she know about today at all?” I asked.

“No, fortunately for you. But, unfortunately for her, she is in her bed, unwell.”

“Oh, that’s right. I might go by and see her and then I might lie down myself.”

“That sounds like a marvelous idea. I know she would love to see you.”

I looked at James, who wasn’t saying much. I am sure that after seeing my leg in all its glory, there would be another lecture on the way. When Dr Simons finished, James and I made our way to our rooms. It was easier to walk but I did need some support from James to make the stairs. When we got to his door, he looked at me and smiled.

“Catherine, I will be waiting for you in my room.” He gently touched my cheek with his hand. I smiled back, and immediately went to my room, changed out of my jacket and went to Jules’s room.

The visit with Jules was nice. She is so gentle and honest, unlike me. I felt so bad about having to lie to her about what was going on. Now that Dr Simons knows, I fear she may be hurt when she finds out she has been kept in the dark. My visit was short and sweet, so she didn’t have an opportunity to ask too many questions about the fall and what happened afterwards. When I left I walked down the hall and knocked on James’s door. He didn’t open it immediately.

“Back so soon, how is Jules?” he asked.

“Still unwell. I feel awful. She’s blaming herself for everything.”

“She’s not the only one,” James said as he locked the door behind me.

I went and lay in the middle of James’s bed. I grabbed his pillow and held onto it, a habit of mine that always made James smile and shake his head. It smelt amazing. James followed me onto the bed and I laid my head on his chest.

“Never let me go…”

“I’m trying, but you are very hard to keep hold of,” James whispered. He started to gently pull back strands of hair from my face and shoulders.

I spent most the day lying down, napping like a cat. I left the room twice that day, once for lunch and the other for dinner. At dinnertime, I took food up to Jules’s room and sat with her to talk. I guess the guilt of the secret that was being kept from her was starting to weigh on my mind. Luckily for me, I had had lunch with Dr Simons and we were able to get our story straight about the morning’s events, which had come in handy because Jules had so many questions as to what, how and when the injury came about.

Dr Simons had been wonderful, making me feel like I could trust him with anything. He was always there to help me when I needed it. I was glad that I didn’t run into Mr Kemp. I knew that if he found out what happened today on my run, he would be angry with me. He would no doubt lecture me about not taking things seriously and being reckless.

After saying goodnight to Jules, I went straight to James’s room. He wasn’t there yet, which was strange. I contemplated going back to Jules’s room so I wouldn’t be alone, but I had already said goodnight and showing up again at Jules’s room would raise suspicions. So I decided to keep myself occupied by reading until James returned. The only problem was that I didn’t have any of my books in his room, and was feeling too lazy to go back and get one. I decided to search for one in James’s room. He had many books in his office and every week he would bring up two or three books to read and take books that he had read back to his office.

One particular book did catch my eye. It was a book that had always remained in James’s room: a collection of poems by Lord Byron.

Now there’s a romantic hero.

I got into bed and started flicking through the pages. There was one page bent in the corner. It intrigued me so I began to read…

When we two parted

In silence and tears,

Half broken-hearted,

To sever for years,

Pale grew thy cheek and cold,

Colder thy kiss;

Truly that hour foretold

Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning

Sank chill on my brow

It felt like the warning

Of what I feel now.

Thy vows are all broken,

And light is thy fame:

I hear thy name spoken,

And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,

A knell to mine ear;

A shudder comes o’er me

Why wert thou so dear?

They know not I knew thee,

Who knew thee too well:

Long, long shall I rue thee

Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met,

In silence I grieve,

That thy heart could forget,

Thy spirit deceive

If I should meet thee

After long years,

How should I greet thee?

With silence and tears.

The poem was pure suffering at its finest. I could identify with Byron’s sorrow. In some way I felt I could be living his words.

Well let’s just hope we don’t have the same ending.

There was a knock at the door. I froze, not wanting to be heard. Then another knock.

“It’s me, Mr Kemp.”

I couldn’t decide if I should keep quiet to avoid seeing him or not. I decided to open the door, just in case it was important. As soon as I opened the door, Mr Kemp barged in and quickly closed it behind him. I think he was taking this secrecy a bit too seriously. The whole escapade has probably been the most excitement he has had in decades.

“Is everything OK?” I asked.

“Well, not really. Mr Barclay wants me to babysit you, until he returns.”

I could see that they were his words, not James’s, so I let them pass.

“Where is he? Will he be long?” I queried.

“He has gone to meet Mr Cartwright this evening. He thought he would be back by now, but the meeting has taken longer than expected, so he called me to come and babysit you.”

“Mr Cartwright? At this hour?” I questioned.

“What are you reading there?” he asked. I don’t think he knows about today at all. He rarely looks at me when we are in the same room, so I guess I could be off the hook.

I didn’t have much patience for Mr Kemp these days, or at any time, so I just handed him the book and hopped into bed.

“Lord Byron, hmmm now there’s a talent. A Harrow old boy, you know. Lord Byron and I went to the same school.”

Probably in the same century, I imagined.

I rolled over and faced the other way. I was frustrated that I had to spend the evening with him and his blatant sarcasm, and that James was with Richard.

“Would you like me to read you a bedtime story dear?” he chuckled.

Stupid man, I think I may have liked him more before.

I tried to fall asleep but it was impossible. Mr Kemp had an annoying voice, especially when he read. His voice went up and down in volume and tone.

His poor students…

An hour had gone by and he was still rambling. I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to be able to take this. Finally, there was a rattling of keys at the door, I watched the handle turn. To my delight, James was back. I got out of bed as quickly as my legs would let me and headed for the door. When he came in, I threw my arms around his waist and held onto him tightly.

“Please make it stop!”

James looked at me puzzled and then finally noticed Mr Kemp, who was still reading. James grinned. “Ah… Mr Kemp. Thank you for this evening. I can take it from here,” James said ever so politely.

“Oh… You’re back. Well Cathy, maybe I will continue where I left off the next time I am here.”

Coward!

I knew he would have loved to mention ‘babysitting’ again, but he chickened out. James walked Mr Kemp to the door, said goodnight and shook his hand. He locked the door and came back to me. He looked exhausted as he started to unbuckle the buttons on his shirt in an attempt to get comfortable.

“How is your leg?” he asked, considerately.

“OK… How are you?”

“Ohh-kaay…” he replied, mimicking my accent with a smile.

“I missed you this evening,” he said.

“I am sure not as much as I missed you. I know Mr Kemp was here to more or less protect me, but really, who is going to protect me from Mr Kemp?”

“I will,” he replied quickly as he sat beside me on his bed.

“Why were you with Richard this evening?” I probed.

“Richard? Are you two on a first-name basis now?” he replied slowly.

“Why were you with him?” I asked again, ignoring his question.

“I met with him to request that he refrain from discussing what happened today with anyone.”

“Did he agree?”

“Yes, of course. But it seems like you may have another admirer.”

“What? No, never!” I replied. I was furious.

“Oh, before I forget, he had a message for you,” James added. As he got up from the bed and continued to undo his buttons, he made his way to the shower. He held onto the door handle and paused for a moment. “Hmmm, what was it he said. Ah, yes, that’s right. He said, ‘Don’t forget we still need to engrave the locket.’”

“James. I am so sorry he said that to you. I promise he has nothing to do with the locket. It’s from me and only me.”

“I know that Catherine. It took everything I had not to strike him and caution him to stay away from you!” James said as he entered the bathroom.

Why would Richard pass that message through James? What could he possibly achieve by doing so? I wish he had hit him. I don’t know how much more James will take before he realises that I’m not worth all the hassle. Why can’t everything just be normal?

I got off the bed and started pacing the room, waiting for James to come out so I could explain in more detail what happened. Finally, the water stopped running. I went to the door and waited. As soon as the door opened, I opened my mouth ready to explain. But nothing came out. Again James stood there with no shirt, just long pants. I don’t know how I will ever get used to resisting his incredible body. I forgot what I was going to say and more to the point, how to say it. I was now completely distracted, and he knew it.

“Catherine?”

“Sorry, just a bit distracted…” I said with a slight grin.

“I want to explain,” I added.

“No need. I know how Richard can be. I should be used to his devices to stir up trouble. I have to insist that you are not to go to his cottage alone ever again.”

“Of course I promise.”

“Now, how was your evening with Mr Kemp? Was it really all that bad?”

“Worse than bad! His reading is awful — more stops and starts than Phar Lap!”

“We have no choice. He is the only one who knows what’s going on other than us.”

“Other than you, you mean! Not us! I still don’t have the faintest idea what is going on”.

James grabbed a t-shirt from his drawer, put it on and sat on his bed. I sat down next to him, grabbed both pillows and placed them behind me, trying to get my injured body comfortable.

“I pray… I mean I really pray that it will all come back to you. That everything will be clear… You need to consider everything that happens. Do not dismiss any notion. Think the unthinkable… and at the end of all this, I will be there, with you always.”

The rest of the evening was spent in silence in James’s arms. Thankful that I have him in my life, I wished that we could remain here forever.

Neither of us made mention of today’s events, which suited me just fine. Hours had gone by and I didn’t feel tired at all. My second wind must have kicked in about midnight. When James realised what the time was, he turned off the lights and decided that I needed to sleep. It didn’t take long for me to start yawning. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and started to think about the advice James had given me earlier — the bit about thinking the unthinkable, and not dismissing any notion.

After a few moments, my eyelids were heavy, my body was relaxed and only the sounds of breathing could be heard.

CHAPTER EIGHT

I woke to a throbbing pain in my leg. I guess all the tossing and turning hadn’t helped it. I felt dreadful. Just as well James was still asleep. It was still dark outside, but here in England that wasn’t always a reliable guide of the time. The morning darkness here seemed to linger on. Slowly and quietly I got out of bed. Wanting to look at my leg without disturbing James, I made my way slowly to the bathroom. The pain in my leg was getting worse. I pulled my pants up above my knee so I could see around my bandage. Surprisingly, my leg seemed the same as it was yesterday. I couldn’t see any redness or swelling around the dressing, but it still felt sore. I made my way to the basin. My reflection in the mirror was disheartening. I looked so worn out. I turned the hot water on and let in run for a few seconds, giving it a chance to warm up. Still half asleep, I bent my head down into the basin and with both palms I filled my hands and splashed my face. I stretched out my right arm to grab a hand towel to wipe my face. For no reason, I started feeling apprehensive. I began to tremble… I wasn’t alone.

Realistically Catherine, there is no way there could be anyone in here with you!

But things aren’t real anymore…

Slowly, I pulled the towel from my face. The bathroom had steamed up from the hot water tap. I turned around gradually… I wasn’t able to see anything. I still felt unsure. The air was thick and lacked oxygen. My back was now leaning on the sink. The sound of the running water caught my attention so I turned around and turned the tap off. The bathroom was still steamy. My body was frozen and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I stood there timid and fearful. I prayed for the steam to clear so I could see enough to be able to leave. As the steam started to disappear, I could see that the bathroom mirror had been half-wiped, but not by me. I didn’t want to look directly at it. I didn’t want to see anything.

“Catherine, are you alright?” James yelled from outside the door.

The sound of James’s voice gave me the strength to slowly walk to the bathroom door and open it.

“Is everything alright?” James repeated.

I turned back to the bathroom, which was now cool and steam free, and the mirror was completely clear and dry.

“Yes,” I uttered, as I walked passed him back into the bedroom.

James opened the door wide and looked in the bathroom with suspicion. He knew I was not telling him the truth, I could tell, and I knew that it saddened him, but I had no choice.

Neither one of us went back to bed. We sat there in silence not knowing what to say. The tension in the room was high.

“What happened in the bathroom?”

“I don’t want to talk about it!”

“You have no choice, Catherine!”

“I know you’re not oblivious. And I know that you know something happened in there,” I confessed, looking towards the bathroom. “But… I don’t know… This time it was different. I understand this is serious,” I admitted.

James stood quietly in front of me.

I decided not to tell him… anyway what was I suppose to say.

His lips tightened as he tried to compose himself.

“Yes, this is serious. But I have to say, I preferred it when if you weren’t aware and were still able to be carefree. I wish you could have remained indifferent to all this. It would have been easier for you,” he said.

I wanted him to hold me and kiss me and love me but he didn’t. He didn’t touch me, and I didn’t know why.

The holidays finished too quickly. With the students and most of the teachers away for the holidays, James and I had enjoyed less worry about me being caught coming and going from his room. It was a lot harder to get in and out of James’s room, and keep our secret, when the students and teachers were back at the college.

The day the students arrived back was an unusually sunny day. I put on a summer dress, taking full advantage of the warm weather. Jules and I had become particularly close this break and she was now starting to open up about Dr Simons. I was so happy for them.

I snuck out of James’s room and headed down to the grounds to meet and greet with the boys as they returned. When I arrived in the foyer, I was stopped by a young boy’s voice yelling “Miss, Miss?” from across the hall. As he ran towards me, I recognised him as Mark, one of my more promising students and Richard Cartwright’s son. He was a very sweet and shy boy, nothing like his father.

“Yes Mark? Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed your break?” He started to slow down his run as he approached me.

“Yes, yes Miss. It was splendid. And you?” he asked.

“Oh, I spent most of my time relaxing here,” I replied.

“My father is outside. He wanted me to ask if he could speak with you for a moment. I’m not in trouble am I?” the boy asked, clearly nervous.

“No, of course not. You are a great student!” I replied quickly, setting him at ease. “Come, let’s find your father and you will see that you have nothing to worry about.”

He nodded nervously and started to lead the way. I had no desire to see Richard, but it was for a good cause. Richard was surrounded, as per usual, by a handful of women trying to get his attention. As soon as we were spotted, he left his fan club and headed towards us.

“There you are! You are a hard person to get hold of,” Richard said.

“Mark said you wanted to see me? Is there anything wrong?” I asked.

“Wrong? No not at all,” he replied.

“See, I told you!” I said as I squeezed Mark’s arm. He smiled with relief.

“Wait!” Richard yelled, grabbing my arm as I started to walk away.

“Richard,” I whispered, shocked by his touch.

“I’m sorry, please don’t leave. I wanted to speak with you.”

“What is it?” I asked, trying to sound uninterested.

“Mark, why don’t you run along? I will see you soon.”

“Alright”!” was the reply as Mark shuffled off towards the college.

I looked at Richard with irritation. All those so-called devoted mothers had now given us their undivided attention and that was making me feel very uneasy.

“Richard, please. Everyone is looking at us now. Can’t this wait?”

“How is your leg,” he asked, releasing my arm, showing no reaction to what I just said.

“Better,” I snapped. I was still sore about him telling James about the locket the way he did.

“I just needed to see you again… Catherine, I can’t stop thinking… about you,” he whispered, looking away almost shy.

“Mr Cartwright, please stop! I don’t want to hear anymore!” I said conscious that many eyes were on us.

“Please let me finish. Seeing you that day at the cottage, terrified and hurt was unbearable. I have never cared for anyone’s well being as much as I did that day. What would have happened if I wasn’t there for you,” he added.

I couldn’t argue. After recent events, he was right. I cannot and do not want to imagine what could have happened to me. My silence seemed to give Richard false hope. He took a step closer to me.

“I know it may seem… that I enjoy all this attention,” he said looking in the direction of the mothers, “but I don’t. I never have. This is all a charade, but you… this is real, I know the difference. Please don’t leave.” He then took a step closer to me and waited. For what, I wasn’t quite sure.

“Mr Cartwright! I think your helping me that day at the cottage has given you false feelings towards me. I don’t want to hear anymore. I am going to walk away now. Please let me!”

I took a second before turning and walking away. I kept my head down as I made my way to the main building, not wanting to see who was still watching. I headed to the main doors, deciding to stay there and greet the boys as they came through. I then cowardly scouted to see if Richard had left. I wasn’t off the hook just yet. He was still standing there, looking in my direction. I looked away quickly; noticing James with his arms crossed taking a defensive stance.

I hope to God he didn’t see us talking! Who am I kidding? Of course he did and he probably saw Richard grabbing my arm. What am I going to do? I can’t possibly wait until this evening to explain. I need to speak with him now.

After convincing myself, I headed straight to James. I walked swiftly, not making eye contact with anyone. I passed Richard, who was still watching me, and his eyes followed me towards James. James was now staring straight at Richard with angry eyes. I began to think this was a bad idea, my being here.

“James?”

He turned to me then looked away.

“You should go inside.”

“Only if you come with me!” I pleaded.

James looked at me. The firm look on his face melted away as he looked into my eyes. He gave me a smile and nodded. The restraint I had to use, not to hold onto his arm, was incredible. When we arrived at the doors, James turned to me. He looked amazing. With all the tension around us, I hadn’t noticed how beautiful he looked today.

“I will not be making the same mistake twice, I promise you that!” James whispered.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.

James looked around slowly. His calm expression changed quickly when he noticed Richard looking our way.

“I believe all the boys have made their way in now, and you should also. I will see you later this evening,” he said, taking a step back and making room for me to get past. I slowly looked away from him. Tearing my eyes from his wasn’t easy. My patience was wearing thin, not knowing what I should do.

The day seemed to drag on longer than usual. James was nowhere to be found and neither was the sun. The rain was relentless. Tired and cold, I made my way to the common room in search of Jules. I needed someone to talk to, even though I couldn’t talk to her specifically about what was going on, I felt relaxed and distracted in her company. When I spotted her I made my way to her quickly. She noticed me instantly. Her eyes widened and she waved her arm around for me to notice her, like she required extra assistance to stand out among all these old men.

“Catherine! There you are. You are a hard person to find.”

“So I have been told,” I replied and sat down beside her. “How has your day been?” I enquiry.

“My day? Hmmm… Let me think… Boring compared to yours, from what I hear. I knew you were keeping a secret from me. But I must confess I did not expect it to be this!” Jules cheerfully announced.

“What?”

“Now Catherine, there is no need to deny anything. I would be the first to say I know how hard it is to hide feelings for someone you love. But it’s me! You could have told me anything. I would have kept your secret.”

I was completely taken aback, and she could see it. My mouth was open and nothing was coming out.

“How long has it been going on for?” she asked excitedly.

“Jules, I am so sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Ah! I am so happy for you both. I knew from the start that you too would make a wonderful couple.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Upset? Why would I be?”

“Keeping it from you, the sneaking around? You don’t think it’s unethical?”

“Unethical? My dear, you’re dating a student’s father not a student! Mr Cartwright is a very lucky man.”

A look of shock appeared on my face.

“Catherine, are you alright? You look a little pale.”

“Um, uh…”

What am I supposed to say now?

“Jules… you won’t tell anyone will you?” I weakly asked.

“Well, I have to be honest with you. There aren’t many people left that don’t know. Most of the teachers are aware. And the mothers. Oh, you should have heard their tongues wagging in envy this morning. That’s how I found out.”

“This is awful. I could just die,” I cried.

“Catherine, what’s this all about? You are not committing a crime. You have fallen in love with a wonderful, charming man. That is perfectly natural. My sympathy now lies with Mr Barclay.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well now that Mr Cartwright is off limits, those women are not going to leave Mr Barclay alone!”

I smiled against my will. I was dumbfounded. Minutes ago I thought I was doing it tough. What I wouldn’t give to go back to minutes ago.

“I have to go,” I said, getting up abruptly.

“Oh, alright. Talk soon…” Jules yelled from across the room.

I had to find James to let him know what was going on, before anyone else did.

I went to his office and then his room, but he wasn’t there.

Where could he be?

I sat on his bed for a minute, until there was a knock on the door.

“It’s Mr Kemp! Open the door please.”

Against my better judgement I opened the door.

“Cathy? What are you doing here?” Mr Kemp said. I could feel the hatred in his voice instantly.

“Mr Kemp, now is not a good time. If you don’t mind, I have to find James,” but he ignored me, coming into James’s room and closing the door behind him.

“Mr Barclay is not on the school grounds, he had to leave,” he said while he looked around the room, avoiding eye contact with me.

“You told him, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t have to, everyone is talking about it. Mr Barclay is a great man, a man who I highly respect and will protect.”

“I’m sorry — I just don’t get you. You’re here now helping us, but I know you hate me. You say you care about us and are protective of James and you know that he loves me, yet you are constantly advising him against being with me. Why?” I asked interested.

Mr Kemp stopped pacing the room and came towards me, “I don’t hate you and I do want to see Mr Barclay happy, but both of you being safe is of greater importance!

“How are you even involved? I know there’s something between James and I that is incredible, but what about you? Why does James turn to you for advice, how are you a part of all of this?”

“You’re just not trying hard enough!”

“That’s not my fault, nothing makes sense! I think about what’s happened and why, but I always hit a wall; I don’t know what I am suppose to know or remember. I’m scared; there is nothing I want more than to put an end to this all, and to be with James. Please… help me figure it out.”

“I can’t — it’s not how it works. I don’t make the rules!”

“What rules? Who makes the rules?”

I grabbed his arm, something I could have never imagined myself doing.

“Please, please I’m begging you… Help me. I’m losing everything. I love him with all my heart and I’m being punished for that. Please, give me one more chance. If things aren’t clearer to me… I will back away, but help me”

Mr Kemp walked away, shaking his head, troubled by my questions.

“It’s just the way it is,” he said. “James should have never let you come, I warned him. I knew it would end badly. I prayed that you would be oblivious to it all, which you are, but I didn’t count on you falling for him so strongly and being so obstinate.”

“Mr Kemp… are you saying that you and James knew that all of this was going to happen before I came?”

“No, not all of it, especially not your dangerous encounters. Mr Barclay would never have put you in harm’s way, but he was so desperate to have you. He went against my advice and look where we are.”

“Help me! I beg you. Please, help me. Is there anything, anything that you can think of, that can help me figure this out?”

He didn’t answer me, instead walking towards the window and staring out for a moment, which seemed promising. If I have learnt anything about Mr Kemp, it’s that he speaks his mind and can’t be moved. The fact he hadn’t said no must mean there is something he could tell me, but he isn’t sure if he should.

He turned back, going to James’s desk, and writing something on a piece of paper.

“Grab your coat, I want to take you somewhere,” he ordered, shaking his head, mumbling to himself.

I jumped off the bed, grabbed a coat before he could change his mind and we left the room.

Mr Kemp’s car was a very old run-down black Bentley; it was dirty and looked like it hadn’t been driven since the 1920s. I tried to keep a straight face, as he adjusted his seat, seat belt, mirrors and everything else. Finally we were off. He drove unexpectedly fast, which reminded me of Richard driving slowly so the journey would last longer. Mr Kemp, I guess must be trying to reduce our time together.

I didn’t talk while he was driving; he seemed nervous and easily distracted. I wondered where we could be going. For all I knew, he could be taking me to the airport. But I had no choice, I felt as if I was losing James and I needed to take whatever help I could get, even if it was from Mr Kemp.

After a while longer the car began to slow, I immediately took my seat belt off and impatiently waited for Mr Kemp. He noticed my eagerness and rolled his eyes at me.

I got out of the car before he had a chance to turn the ignition off.

“Where are we?”

“Follow me,” he replied, disregarding my question.

So I did. The street we walked down was extremely traditional and seemed to be an affluent area. His walkgradually slowed and he started to walk beside me. He didn’t look at me, or speak a word. It seemed he was unsure of what to say.

“Is something supposed to happen?” I whispered sarcastically.

Still not speaking, Mr Kemp slowed right down and headed to a bench to sit.

“You continue down the street, I will catch up with you, I want to sit for awhile,” he said as he sat down.

”Walk where?” I am sure he could see the disappointment on my face. I turned around with a huff and continued up the street.

Stupid man, why did I believe that he was going to help me?

I stopped and turned back to see him lying back on the bench with his eyes closed.

I waited a second, contemplating whether I should continue or go back to the old smelly cigar car. Even though I was disappointed, and there was nothing here for me, I was in no rush to be in the car alone with him.

I decided to continue. A few minutes into my walk, a terrace across the street caught my attention. It was white with a battered dark-blue door. Intrigued, I crossed over for a better look. It didn’t seem to be occupied, newspapers stuck on the windows and spider webs on the rails made this house stick out for all the wrong reasons. As I stood on the path, I felt an icy-cold chill go through my body and a bitter taste fill my mouth. I pushed opened the iron gate which let out a ear splitting screech and headed towards the door, passing a small overgrown courtyard on my way. As I approached the door I became apprehensive. It had two glass panels that weren’t covered; I slowly brought my face close to the glass. The hallway was long and without light with papers on the floor and furnishings covered with sheets. Then without warning, the door started to shudder. I immediately let go of the door knob unable to pull myself away, I continued to peer through the glass until what seemed like a face slammed itself into the other side of the glass. I pushed myself away from the door in horror and ran back to the path to catch my breath. My heart was racing.

What in God’s name just happened?

I crossed over the road and quickly started heading back to the car, where I hoped Mr Kemp was. I wanted to get out of this place. As I approached the car, I could hear shouting. Unexpectedly James was now in sight.

“James!” What was he doing here?

“What were you thinking, bringing her here?” James shouted at Mr Kemp.

“I thought if…” Mr Kemp tried to defend himself, but James didn’t let him finish.

“What did you tell her?” he growled.

“Nothing, I would never…” Mr Kemp pleaded.

“Just because you’re here to enforce the rules, doesn’t mean you can make them. Catherine’s safety is more important than your research!”

“Where is she?” he added.

“I’m here,” I quietly answered.

“Catherine.” James came to me, pulled me close to him, holding me so tight I could feel his heart beating. Why was he so upset? He has never held me this way.

“Can we leave?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said with sorrow in his eyes. I was confused, not sure what to make of what just happened. Surprisingly, I felt sorry for Mr Kemp. I know he was trying to help me but James obviously didn’t think so. Once in the car, neither one of us spoke. James was still visibly upset. When we arrived at the college, I followed him to his office. Once inside, he slowly lit the fire and came towards me. I didn’t like the look on his face.

“James… About Richard?”

“Catherine, I know what is being said isn’t true. I also believe that our love is powerful and that we can overcome anything. However, I also believe that your life is in danger when we are together. We need to stop this before it’s too late.”

“What are you saying?”

“We need to end this. I need to stay away from you. No good can come of this.”

“No good? No… No… You can’t stop this!”

James came closer towards me. He had tears in his eyes.

“Please try to understand,” he said with his lips tightened.

“No… James! No! Please don’t do this to me. I need you. I don’t want anyone but you.”

“We are not meant to be together. I understand that now. I promised you I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.”

I was broken and inconsolable. I stepped away from him slowly.

“You can’t do this to me,” I pleaded.

“Catherine…”

“Don’t!” I shouted, crying now. I placed my hands on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding. I needed to touch him.

I closed my eyes and moved closer to him, until our bodies were touching. I looked up at him. His face was shattered. But he didn’t want me. In disbelief I left.

When I got to my room, I was so inconsolable I wanted to scream. I wanted to see something break, anything… other than my heart.

How could he just give up on us? Weren’t we worth fighting for?

I felt sick in the stomach; I have never known my life to be so complicated. Could I be anymore unlucky than I am now.

I sat a while longer, thinking… trying to understand what just happened today. Why did Mr Kemp take me to that street? And why was James so angry? I don’t even know how to begin to make sense of it all. My first thoughts were that Mr Kemp was trying to throw me off, with no intentions of helping me today, but James’s reaction would suggest otherwise. What does that street have to do with me?

Could Mr Kemp have something to do with all this, other than just being a nuisance.

I had to see Mr Kemp. I got up and headed for the door. As I opened the door to leave; standing there was the college cleaner, struggling to hold her collection of cleaning equipment.

“Hi… Mary, You gave me a fright,” I said, startled by her being so close to my door.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to give you a scare,” she said.

“I’m fine. Lucky actually, I almost forgot to leave my door unlocked,” I said, trying to be friendly enough so she wouldn’t notice my sadness.

“Well you would have been the first, no one likes to miss out on having their room cleaned by someone else,” she laughed as equipment started falling out of her hands.

“Oh!” she cried.

“Here let me help you.” I bent down and started picking up what had fallen. “Why don’t you bring your trolley down the hallway rather than carrying everything?” I asked impatiently.

“Trust me, there is nothing I would like more than that, but the hallway is quite narrow and I have upset a few teachers in the past, when they had to walk around my trolley. So now I leave it there out of the way,” she said.

“Here, I’ll help you take these to the room you’re cleaning, or is it mine?” I enquiry.

“No, I wish, I’ve just started, I’m heading to Mr Kemp’s,” she said as she started making her way to his room.

“OK,” I replied and started walking down with her. She kept raving on about how it would be so much easier if her trolley was just outside each door. When we got to Mr Kemp’s door she opened it and walked right in.

I couldn’t believe I was in his room. It was so messy! Books and papers were everywhere.

“Where do you want me to put these?” I asked, holding her cleaning products.

“In the bathroom please, I just have to go back and get the vacuum,” she said as she ran out.

I quickly placed the products in the bathroom and came back out. My eyes were everywhere, scouting unsure to what I was thinking or planning to do. Was I really thinking about taking something? Hearing the vacuum being dragged down the hallway, I knew I’d better hurry if I was going to snoop. I didn’t want to open any of his drawers, that would be wrong, so I pulled a few papers that were sticking out of a brown leather book on his desk and placed them under my top and immediately walked out.

“Thank you. I appreciate your help,” Mary said as she walked past me.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, heading back to my room.

I threw the papers on my bed and stepped back. What have I done? I felt awful and disappointed with myself. How could I do something like that? How could I possibly ever return them? I couldn’t…

I began pacing the room, not knowing what to do. This was wrong on so many levels, but it’s done now, I can’t take it back. Maybe it’s nothing important. It could well be a shopping list or scribbles.

“Damn.” I headed to my bed and picked them up. I sat on my desk and opened them up.

It was a grid of some sort with the initials J.B. and number 1878. Other letters and numbers were all over the page, but it was too cryptic. Was J.B. for James Barclay? Could this be what James said about Mr Kemp’s research? Why would Mr Kemp be researching James? On another page was an emblem. I paused for a moment. I’ve seen this before… I placed a finger on it and followed the outline, and by heart I knew the design. Where had I seen this before?

What was I suppose to do with these papers now. I would have to destroy them, but they could be important. I took them and placed them in one of the pockets of my luggage until I could figure out what to do with them.

I needed to be somewhere other than this room, so I headed to my classroom to find refuge.

I sat quietly at my desk with my face in my hands until there was a knock on my door.

“Excuse me Miss, may I speak with you?” called Mark.

I sat up and brushed my hair from my face and tried to find some composure.

“Yes Mark, of course.”

“Um… I’m sorry; I know this is none of my business. But I just want to know. Is it true that you and my father are together?”

I took a deep breath and tried not to take my devastating afternoon out on him.

“Mark, has your father said anything to you about us being together?” I enquiry.

“No… not at all,” he replied quickly.

“Then what has given you the impression that we are?”

“I know he likes you… A great deal, and the other students are talking.”

I gave him a warm smile. There was no need for him to suffer. He had done nothing wrong. What was I supposed to say? I more or less admitted to Jules that I was with Mr Cartwright. This was all Richard’s fault. His public behaviour this morning started all this. Jealous mothers, wagging tongues and James’s obvious outrage at seeing Richard with me had also contributed.

“Mark, your father is a gentleman and any woman would be proud to be with him.”

The words sent a chill down my spine. Mark had a great big smile on his face. He nodded and then left. Once the door was closed, tears ran down my face. I knew that this game I was about to play could hurt many people, but I had no choice. Jules had thought it, I had stupidly admitted to it, the school was talking about it and Mr Cartwright wants it. And now I was hoping that James would be so jealous that he would want me back.

I stayed in the classroom for a few more hours. The room was getting darker and colder as the minutes passed. James and Mr Kemp had forbidden me from being alone, but I guess it didn’t matter anymore. Exhausted, I headed back to my room. The halls were empty, silent and cold, just like I was feeling right now. As I reached the top of the stairs to our rooms, I had to walk past James’s room to get to mine. It didn’t feel normal to me. I belong in there with him. Just this morning we woke up in each other’s arms, feeling warm and safe. I got to his door and stood there for a moment, touching the door as I closed my eyes closed for a second. It was unbearable. I needed a plan, and quickly, to get me back with the man I love. I was so worn out. I didn’t even have the energy to change my clothes. When I got into bed, it was cold and my room seemed unfamiliar, bringing back memories of my first day here. What was I going to do about this mess I had gotten myself into? Just the look on Mark’s face confirmed that he would tell Richard that I didn’t deny the rumors. I have to figure out what to do before Friday when Mark heads home. Only four days. It will definitely get back to James that I am with Richard. I feel like I am back at school, playing childish games to get what I want. I am willing to do just about anything to get him back.

I grabbed a pillow and held on to it, wishing it was James. I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up unusually early the next morning, with memories of last night’s dream fresh in my mind. I had not had a single dream in the months while I was with James. It was strange that now, the first night that we were not together, the dreams, nightmares even, had started again.

Even though it was still quite early, I decided to get up and have a shower. I wanted to make sure that I looked my best in case James and I crossed paths. As I left my room, Jules was also leaving hers.

“Morning, Jules.”

“Good morning, Catherine.” She wore a suspicious smile on her face. “Are we seeing someone special today? Perhaps… Mr Cartwright?”

“No, I am not seeing anyone today,” I said with a bogus smile.

“I was talking to Dr Simons last night about all four of us going to dinner this Friday evening in the village?”

“Four of us,” I repeated surprised.

“Yes, Dr Simons, myself, you and Mr Cartwright.”

“Oh… Right… um, I don’t know. I really don’t know when I will be speaking with him again.”

“Oh, I don’t expect you to invite him. I will have Dr Simons call him and make the arrangements. Once I can convince him that you are with Mr Cartwright!”

“What?”

“Dr Simons refuses to believe that you and Mr Cartwright are an item. I must say, he was quite adamant I had it all wrong.”

“Oh well, I guess it was a shock to some. I need to see him today about my leg, and I will talk with him then.”

“Oh would you dear? That would be lovely. I need to run. I have to go to the library before my class. I will see you later at lunch. Goodbye,” she said as she ran past me.

“Bye.”

“Good morning Cathy. I trust you slept well?” Mr Kemp asked as he approached me from behind. I continued to lock my door without responding.

“I hope you’re not mad at me. In time you will see that this is for the best, and everything is the way it should be. Well, it will be when you return to Australia.”

“You are an awful man. Everything is not the way it should be. I am not with James!” I whispered back, angrily.

“Yes… but you are now with Mr Cartwright and you are not tempting fate by being with Mr Barclay.”

“I am not with…” I stopped. It wasn’t worth it, he had made up his mind about James and I and there was nothing I could do about it.

“I have to go,” I added.

“The offer of changing rooms is still on the table!” he howled down the hall.

I couldn’t get away from him quick enough. I headed straight to Dr Simons’ room, which was near my classroom, knowing he spent most mornings there reading the paper to avoid interruption. In my haste, I dropped my folder and all my papers at the entrance to the main foyer and the wind from outside sent them flying. I got down on the floor and gathered what I could while they were still within arm’s reach before running around reception like a fool collecting the rest. I piled them all up while sitting on the floor. Luckily for me, I had worn trousers today.

“Are these yours?” a voice asked from outside.

I looked up, pulling my hair away from my face to see who it was.

“Here, please let me help you.”

It was Richard, standing over me with his hand out. Seeing him today had not been in the plan, but there was no backing out now. I had to make this plan work. It’s not like I was hurting him. He has everything going for him: wealth, looks and a fan club.

“Thank you,” I said as I took his hand to be helped up.

“We really have to stop meeting like this. I seem to find you on the ground more than on your feet, Catherine.”

“Hmmm, I’m just clumsy. I was in hurry, and my folder, and the wind…” I muttered as I momentarily forgot the English language.

“I spoke to Mark last night. Look, I am not going to dance around this. Mark told me of your conversation yesterday.”

“Ah-ha…” I nodded shyly, still unprepared.

His smile was indescribable. It forced me to smile against my will. He was dressed more casual than usual, and I suspected he had been in a hurry to get here.

I fiddled with my papers, feeling awkward and guilty about what I was planning.

“Catherine, please, if there is even a slight chance that you do not completely hate me, you have to tell me?”

I was puzzled with his question and was unsure how to respond so I took a second, but that didn’t help, it was impossible to escape his eyes to think.

“I don’t hate you,” I muttered.

He then took a deep breath and smiled.

“This weekend, I will be in Bath at my family home… Join me?”

“What I… I… I don’t know.”

“Please… No expectations, just your company. You will have your own room, of course. No one needs to know. Mark is staying with friends this weekend, so he won’t know, and I will have a driver pick you up.”

“No, you can pick me up,” I interrupted. “But in the evening, after all the boys have gone home.”

He seemed more shocked than I could have ever predicted. The look of hope in his eyes had never made me feel ashamed of myself.

“Friday it is. I will wait for you right here at 8,” he said, his eyes warm and in high spirits.

“Friday at 8. I’ll be here,” I agreed.

He paused for a moment, then nodded and left. He seemed different, not his usual arrogant, confident self. There was a more vulnerable side to him that I hadn’t seen before. Nevertheless, I needed to have James here on Friday, just before 8, to see me leaving with Richard, so he could stop me. Finally, I had a plan. There was a small risk that it may not work, and so I was going to need some help from Dr Simons.

As predicted, Dr Simons was in his room, reading the paper. As soon as he noticed me he instantly became anxious.

“Dr Simons, can I speak with you?” I whispered from the doorway.

“Yes, of course. I would like to speak with you too.”

I went in and closed the door behind me.

“Ladies first,” he said politely, closing his newspaper and putting it aside to give me his full attention.

“Dr Simons, I don’t know where to begin,” I had tears in my eyes.

“Oh dear, I don’t know much about love, but I do know that Mr Barclay loves you dearly.”

I looked up and wiped my eyes. “I know,” I replied, sobbing. “Mr Cartwright has feelings for me too, and everyone in the college seems to know that.”

Dr Simons nodded.

“But I don’t have the same feelings for him. I love James and only James, nothing can change that. Jules, Mr Kemp and the entire college all think I’m with Richard.”

“Catherine, Jules said you admitted to having feelings for Mr Cartwright.”

“Jules came to me and told me she knew everything. I thought she was talking about James so I agreed, only to realise she had been talking about Richard. I didn’t know what to say.”

“My dear girl, I am so sorry. Can I help?”

I looked at him and nodded.

“Yes… yes you can. James needs to see me with Richard, so he can see how wrong it is, and that I belong with him and no one else.”

Dr Simons started to shake his head from side to side.

“I don’t know…”

“Richard has asked me to go to Bath with him this weekend, and I have accepted. He is picking me up in the foyer this Friday at 8. You need to make sure James is here to see Richard and I leaving together.”

“Oh, this is all too exciting for me. I don’t know if I can be a part of it.”

“You have to! James will not let me go with Richard. And Richard… well, he will be OK.”

“Will he?”

“I have made no promises to him.”

“Except to spend the weekend with him! Don’t you think that means something?”

“I have no choice!” I pleaded.

“Alright, alright, please don’t get upset. I will attempt to get Mr Barclay to the main foyer at 8 o’clock this Friday evening,” Dr Simons promised.

I couldn’t contain my joy. I jumped up to hug and kiss him on the cheek.

“Thank you, thank you!”

“Don’t thank me just yet, Catherine. Let’s see how this plan of yours works first, shall we?”

“I know James will not want me to spend the weekend with Richard. He won’t have a choice but to stop it.”

“What about Jules?”

“Oh… I’m sorry, I just couldn’t tell her. I feel awful that I have kept James and I a secret for so long. I just don’t know how to tell her anymore. And besides, she is now under the impression that it’s Richard I am with.”

“Your secret is safe with me. Mr Barclay is a brilliant man and I know he loves you. I learnt that the day you went for your run and hurt your leg.”

Dr Simons paused for a moment and then continued. “Catherine, I do not completely know your story with James, and for some odd reason I sense there is an incredible story there, but I do wonder if James ending things between you was for the best.”

“What?” I was horrified.

“Please hear me out. I don’t doubt your love for each other. It’s just that Mr Barclay is a very intelligent man, and he knows what he is talking about. Have you ever considered that this may be for the best?”

“No, never! I would rather die than have a life without him.”

“Catherine, please don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth!”

“Alright, there will be no more talk of not being with Mr Barclay or dying?”

CHAPTER NINE

The rest of the week was awful. My nights were filled with perplexing nightmares. I used to take solace in my dreams of Victoria, but lately I only seem to have disturbing images of Charles Barton and a sense of Victoria’s despair and sadness. The lack of sleep, compounded by the anticipation of Friday, was taking its toll on me. I felt paranoid and suspicious. I avoided Jules and everyone else as much as I could, spending most of my spare time at the stables with the horses or sitting in my room reading. Avoiding Jules was upsetting as we had gotten very close and having to keep my love for James from her felt unfair. Not to mention that I had been dishonest to her about my relationship with Richard. I felt I had so much weight on my shoulders and at any moment everything would come tumbling down around me.

I have to see this through. My plan has to work! I will make everything right with Jules. No more lies!

The bell interrupted my heroic declaration. I knew that in just a few hours I would be seeing James and he would be seeing me with Richard. I closed my eyes to compose myself. Thankfully, my students were oblivious to my private meltdown, and carried on as they would on any other day. When my classroom was finally empty, I packed my things and headed straight for my room. If I looked the way I felt, I was sure that neither Richard, James nor even my ghost would want me.

I had become an expert at getting from my classes to my room without being spotted. As I got to my room, I locked the door and dropped my books on the desk. I sat down for a moment to catch my breath. I had only a few hours to compose myself and be ready. Exhausted and drained, I lay on my bed for a while, thinking of the days, not so long ago, that James used to lie with me. I remembered the feelings of safety and happiness that came from that. I imagined those days again and the warmth of James’s body next to mine, the sweet smell of his skin and his loving eyes watching over me. My heart was aching for all that I had lost. There were nights were we didn’t fall asleep until morning, nights spent talking about my life in Australia. He was a gentleman in every sense of the word. He was also very serious but, on rare occasions, he would reveal his humorous side; his jokes were funny because they weren’t funny. I remembered the first time I saw him at the door to my room, and the instant connection I felt. One thought continually came back to me: the mystery that I had failed to work out. It seemed like a lifetime ago when I was haunted by voices and unexplained experiences. It all seemed to end when James left me.

Was he right to leave? Was my life in danger being with him? Why? And his love for me was that so strong that he could let me go for my own well-being? I want him back!

I needed a diversion. I thought about Victoria but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do my story any justice. My feelings about Victoria were now making me feel dejected and confused, thoughts of happiness and contentment for her and Jonathon were evident, but an anxiousness about what lay ahead meant I just didn’t want to go there.

I have trusted my thoughts and dreams in the past to guide me, but now all I feel is confusion.

I got off my bed and looked at my cupboard mirror. Just as I thought, I looked as bad as I felt. I headed straight for the shower. Even though I had plenty of time I rushed it, because I just couldn’t relax.

After my shower, I gave myself a long-needed facial and blow-dried my hair. I put on a new navy wool dress that I had bought before I left Sydney. It came to just above the knee, was body hugging and it hung low on my chest. The sleeves were long, right to the palm of my hand. I put on my tan leather high-heel boots. With an hour to spare, I styled my hair, put on some natural make-up and sprayed on James’s favorite perfume. I grabbed an overnight bag but didn’t bother to put anything in it. I was confident that I was not leaving the grounds tonight. The bag was only there to add to the charade.

By 7.45, my nerves were setting in. I hadn’t seen James for days. We were about to see each other and I couldn’t wait. My heart was racing. I didn’t know how I was going to control myself and stick to the plan that was now starting to seem stupid and reckless. At 7.55, I ran to my window. Sure enough, a black car had just pulled up. The driver’s door opened and a man ran to the back of the car with an umbrella, opening the door. Richard got out, dressed quite formally. I instantly felt ill. This idea of mine had just become real! What was I supposed to say to him when I didn’t leave with him and ran into James’s arms instead? Will he know he was set up and that I am an awful person who doesn’t care about his feelings? My head started to spin for a second — a second that I didn’t have to spare. I quickly moved away from the window, grabbed my empty bag and headed down to the foyer once there I could now see the three of them standing in the foyer just as planned. Richard was facing my way, James had his back to me and Dr Simons was off to the side, between these two giants.

“James, good evening,” Richard said, as he was straightening his jacket. “You look rather tired,” he continued.

“Why are you here?” James asked bluntly.

“Me? I have come to collect someone.”

“Mark?”

“No, not Mark… Catherine, actually.”

As he said those words my heart, mouth and bag dropped to the floor. With the sound of my bag smacking on the floor, all eyes slowly turned to me. Richard spotted me first, then Dr Simons and lastly James. I was looking at James and only James. Our eyes never strayed. My heart strangely started to beat slower rather than faster, as if I was dying.

I wish.

The shock and regret in his stare wounded me I didn’t know what to say or do. I just stood there, numb to it all. James’s eyes slowly left mine and went to the floor.

“Michael, please take Catherine’s bag to the car,” Richard said to his driver.

“No… I will,” James announced. He proceeded to walk towards me with slow and heavy steps.

Why is he offering to take my bag? Why isn’t he telling Richard that I won’t be going?

I started fidgeting as James approached me. My nerves were obvious for all to see. Dr Simons had started a conversation with Richard, to distract him, I guess. But it wouldn’t be enough. I needed more time and some privacy to speak with James. It was too late. James was now standing directly in front of me. He had blocked my view of everyone. His lips were slightly opened, but nothing came out. I could see he was holding back. I tried with all the strength that I had in me not to cry but it wasn’t enough. I could feel my eyes starting to swell.

“This could be a good thing,” he whispered.

“Are you mad!? James, make this stop… I don’t want to go!” I said with my voice trembling, “Help me!” I cried.

After a slight pause, he replied.

“I am.” His voice was full of sadness. He reached out and grabbed my bag. He looked at me, confused. Embarrassed and inconsolable I snatched my bag from him.

“Catherine?” he questioned, obviously noticing that my bag was light.

“I wasn’t supposed to go,” I whimpered.

“Catherine, we should be going. I have made dinner reservations!” Richard called out from across the hall.

I wiped my tears as I walked away, helpless. Richard and the driver were now outside. I walked past Dr Simons and looking down, I shook my head with disappointment. I turned back to see if James was looking at me, but he wasn’t. He had his back turned to me, so I made my way to the car to leave.

“You are so beautiful,” Richard said to me as he opened the car door.

“Thank you,” I replied sadly. Knowing there were tears in my eyes, I looked away and avoided eye contact.

As the car drove off, I felt empty and alone. My plan hadn’t worked.

Does James want me to be with Richard?

Here I was, feeling sorry for everyone because there was a chance they could be hurt by me, but the only person I should have felt sorry for was me. I sat close to the door and stared out the window for the entire journey. I didn’t make any conversation with Richard at all. I knew I was being rude, but I didn’t care. I had no one to impress.

I put my arm around my stomach and tried to relieve the dull feeling that I had. Richard noticed straight away and looked at me alarmed.

“Are you unwell?” he asked, concerned.

I took a deep breath.

“Tired I guess. I don’t think I could eat anything this evening,” I mumbled. At least I had the courtesy to look him in the eyes.

“I understand,” he replied, with a warm smile. I nodded and then went back to my window.

What did he understand? Did he understand that I was heartbroken? That I didn’t want be here with him? That he was just part of a plan to make James jealous? Or did he just understand that I was not in the mood to eat?

The car slowed down considerably. We were now driving through a small town. The road was narrow; there were many boutiques but not many people out and about. I tried to resist the town’s charm but I couldn’t, it was so beautiful. The first street we went down was lined with identical English terraces, one after the other. It looked like something out of Mary Poppins. I felt like I knew this area, and knew it well. I continued to stare out the window, enjoying the scenery. The streets were immaculately clean. As we passed laneways, I could see restaurants and shops and people walking around. I felt a rush of excitement being in this beautiful place. I could see Richard smiling out of the corner of my eye. I supposed he was happy to see me rejoin the human race.

“Would you like to go for a walk down the main street?” Richard asked.

With anyone else, I wouldn’t have hesitated to say yes.

“Oh I don’t know,” I stupidly answered.

“It’s only a short walk and it’s not raining. It would be ludicrous if we didn’t!”

He smiled as he nodded to his driver, who immediately pulled over to the side. Richard’s door was opened and he got out. I still had not decided if I wanted to go or not, but despite this, Richard’s hand was now stretched out to help me out. I gave him my hand and got out of the car. The air was fresh and frosty and the wind brushed my face. I closed my eyes for a second to enjoy the purity of the breeze. When I opened my eyes, Richard was standing close to me. Staring down at me with a smile, I brushed my hair away from my face and walked around him.

“Shall we?” he said as he bent his arm for me to hold onto. Remembering Mary Poppins and the innocence of the movie, I grabbed onto his arm.

“Are you cold? Should I grab your jacket for you?”

“No! I mean, um… I didn’t really pack one. I was rushed and I forgot quite a few things. I’m not cold,” I lied.

“Excuse me, Catherine. I need to have a word with my driver, won’t be a minute.”

While Richard spoke with the driver, I tried to imagine myself in Sydney on a hot summer’s day, sweating and frying in the heat, in an attempt to feel warm. It didn’t work. I was so cold my body was now trembling.

Having finished speaking to the driver, Richard grabbed my arm with a smile and showed me the way. We started to walk through the streets that he knew well. The whole area was all in the same type of stone, similar to sandstone, and the streets were quiet. Not many people were walking around. The air was icy cold and I was sure Richard must have noticed my arm shaking. Surprisingly, the boutiques were high-end and all still trading at this late hour. With modern cafés and restaurants, the buildings were very deceiving. There was a blend of old and new boutiques, a little old-fashioned sweet shop and antique furniture shops. I felt like we had stepped back in time.

I turned away and saw an elderly man taking a photo of his wife in front of an extraordinary church. They swapped positions and the wife took a photo of her husband. They were laughing and looked so in love. I let go of Richard’s arm and walked over to them.

“Excuse me, would you like me to take a photo of the two of you together?” I asked.

“Oh… yes please. That would be wonderful!” The lady handed me their camera, grabbed her husband and started to organise where they were going to stand for the picture. I smiled patiently.

Richard walked up from behind me and whispered into my ear. “Do you know how to work one of those things?” he asked sarcastically. I ignored him.

“We’re ready!” I took the picture for them and took another one to be on the safe side.

“Oh, thank you my dear. It was so kind of you to do that for us,” the elderly man said.

“That’s fine.”

“You’re a very lucky young man. You have a beautiful woman there,” the old man said to Richard.

“And so do you. Good evening,” Richard nodded with a smile, then took hold of my hand and led me further down the street. I was caught off-guard and didn’t know how to take it back. I tried to remember Mary Poppins and the chimney sweep to keep my mind off the fact that I was holding hands with him.

We entered the most charming little café that had a few chairs and tables outside. We went in and immediately felt the warmth of the restaurant. Richard raised his hand and a man came out, ecstatic to see him.

“Good evening, Mr Cartwright. It is so wonderful to see you again,” the man said. He had a strong French accent, was short and very welcoming.

“Thank you Christopher.”

“Can I trouble you for two of your famous hot chocolates?”

“Of course! Please, sit wherever you like,” he answered.

“I know that we English folk, for centuries, have been famous for our tea drinking, but this hot chocolate is… well… I will let you judge for yourself.”

Richard made his way to a lounge in front of a roaring fire; he must have noticed me shaking outside. Nevertheless I couldn’t get to it fast enough.

Richard turned to face me.

“Are you warm?”

“Yes, thank you. This café is beautiful. It has a very cosy feel to it. It’s lovely.”

“I agree. This café has been here as long as I can remember.” Our drinks arrived, but I didn’t feel like it. I still had a dull pain in my stomach because of everything that had happened this evening and was anxious at what was yet to come. He looked at me surprised that I hadn’t tried my drink.

“Catherine, I’m sorry, I should have asked you what you wanted to have rather than ordering for you,” he said and raised his hand to get a waiter’s attention.

I quickly grabbed his hand and brought it back down. He face seemed to be pleasantly surprised by me touching his hand, so I quickly let go and grabbed my glass with a red face.

“Richard, this is fine. Really.”

He finally looked away from me, shaking his head with an expressionless face.

“Is something the matter?” I asked.

“No… not at all,” he replied but I knew something was.

Our time in the café was awkward. There were moments of silence where Richard would sit quietly and just stare at me. To escape his gaze, I would look away and stare at everything that was around me. Luckily for me, there was a lot to look at: the painting, lighting and mirrors were mixed together quite tastefully. The music was French, which was calming. The café was full; all the patrons were dressed in accordance with the cool weather and took pleasure in the warmth of the café. Every so often I would feel ill that I was here alone with Richard, and not with James. I couldn’t possibly begin to imagine what James would be thinking now. I tried to recall our last encounter but it was too hard, I was being watched and I needed to close my eyes to remember his face, his words.

Forgive me James.

“There hasn’t been one person who has noticed you tonight who did not smile,” said Richard interrupting my thoughts.

“What? You’re being silly!” I replied, looking away.

“Really, I am the envy of Bath tonight!” he declared.

I shook my head and giggled against my will.

“Would you like to leave now?”

“Yes… please.”

With a wave goodbye to Christopher, we were off. When we got back to the car, Richard opened the door to let me in and went around to the other side and let himself in. We drove a short while until we reached our destination, his home. As we passed the iron gates and drove up the steep driveway, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. All this time, I was thinking of Mary Poppins, but I don’t ever recall her spending the weekend alone with Bert at his home. Suddenly, everything I had forgotten about was now in front of me.

Why am I here and what is Richard expecting?

My thoughts were interrupted by the car coming to a halt. It wasn’t until I got out of the car that I noticed the house.

Oh my god! This can’t possibly be his house! It stood two-storeys high and three houses wide, with countless windows at the front. Through every window you could see a chandelier lighting up each room, giving an impression that the house had one hundred guests in it already. There were six pillars at the front of the house and two on either side. I found myself smiling, my eyes wide open to take it all in. Not so much shocked by the grandness but intrigued.

From the front doors came two uniformed men. One handled my alarmingly light bag and the other brought in Richard’s bags and packages.

“Welcome to my home,” Richard said from behind me. I turned to him. He was leaning back on his car with his arms crossed over his chest. “I hope it is to your satisfaction?”

“May I?” he said as he put out his hand to escort me up the white marble stairs, probably thinking I would fall.

As we got into the foyer, I couldn’t help but look around at everything. It was all light and pure.

“I took the liberty of placing you in the room next to mine. Just in case you need anything, I won’t be far away. You are most likely tired. I will show you to your room now if you like.”

I smiled and followed him up the stairs.

“After breakfast in the morning, I will give you the grand tour and, if the weather permits, we will go for a ride.”

“Ok…” I said apprehensively.

As we got to my room, there was a woman already inside, pulling back my sheets and closing the curtains. On the bed were the bags and packages I had seen the driver bring in from the car.

“What’s all this?” I asked Richard.

“Well, please forgive me, I hope I have not overstepped my place. When you made mention that you did not have a coat and a few other items, I had Michael call in on an old friend of mine who owns one of the boutiques in the village. I asked her to get everything a beautiful woman would need to pack for a weekend away.”

“Richard, I can’t accept all this,” I said, shaking my head.

Richard seemed frustrated, and I could tell he wanted to come into my room, but he didn’t take a step.

“You must, unless you are planning to side-saddle tomorrow. It’s nothing in comparison to you agreeing to come here. Goodnight.”

He then nodded and closed the door. Just like that, I was alone in an unfamiliar place again, but this time Richard was next door to me, not James. The moment he left, my heart started to race again. It was like it was put on hold while Richard was around.

Why did you let me go James?

I moved all the bags and things to one side of my bed. I took my boots off and lay down to cry myself to sleep.

When I woke, my eyes felt sore and swollen from all the crying I had done. I looked at my watch to see that it was only just after 8 o’clock. I thought about how James had slept last night. I wondered whether or not he thought about me and how I slept last night? I knew that he let me go, but I also knew, deep down inside, it was killing him. I couldn’t believe how everything had changed so quickly and without any warning. I took a deep breath and shook my head in disappointment.

I needed two hands to draw back the curtains. They were a heavy and thick material and ran right up to the ceiling. It was a sunny day with a light fog, English style. I opened the internal door in my room that led to a magnificent ensuite. It was such a relief; I wasn’t ready to leave my room.

I looked at my bedside. There were so many bags and small packages I felt like a charity case. But I had no choice. I couldn’t wear this dress again today, sleep in it again tonight and then go back to the college in it tomorrow.

You’ve made your bed Catherine, now you have to sleep in it!

After my shower, I wrapped a towel around me, headed for my bed and started to open the packages. To my horror everything I opened I loved and was the perfect size. A stunning navy wool coat, an evening dress, two pairs of the same shoe but different sizes, negligee and robe, riding boots, tights, jumpers, a blouse, make-up, perfume and other toiletries. This was too much. Everything was of the highest quality. I was dumbfounded. I noticed a black box with a pink ribbon on the floor that I hadn’t opened yet. Inside were bras, underwear and other lingerie pieces.

Who was this good friend of Richard’s who thought I would need all this to spend the weekend with him? Well whoever you are, your taste is impeccable and much appreciated.

I changed into jodhpurs, a jumper and boots. Everything fitted and looked perfect, but I felt guilty. These weren’t my clothes and I wasn’t getting dressed for James.

Then there was a knock on the door. I went to it quickly and opened it.

“Good morning ma’am, I am here to take you to breakfast.”

“OK… thank you, but I haven’t finished…” I looked to the mess on my bed and on the floor.

“Please, I will take care of this for you. This way,” she said and started to walk off.

Everything was happening too quickly for me. I seemed to have no say in anything, except this stupid plan that I was completely responsible for. Maybe it was better that I had no say in anything planned for the weekend.

“Good morning,” Richard greeted me cheerily as he stood up and pulled out a chair for me.

“Morning,” I replied and sat down, still feeling uncomfortable wearing the clothes he had given me.

“Juice?” the lady asked politely.

“Oh, um, yes please.”

She nodded and poured me a glass.

“How did you sleep?” Richard leant over and asked.

“Well, thanks,” I answered without giving him any eye contact.

“You look amazing,” he complimented me as he sat back in his seat.

I didn’t reply. I placed some fruit on my plate. I was so hungry having not eaten dinner or lunch the day before. I had to eat, and now!

“Well it looks like the Gods are on our side Catherine. We ride today!” he declared, obviously pleased with himself.

“Richard, I am quite overwhelmed and grateful for all the clothes. Please send my thanks to your lady friend. She has incredible taste.”

“You’re very welcome, and I will pass on your thanks. I have a confession to make though. She followed us for a while so she could get an idea of your size and taste,” he said laughing.

“What? No!” I said with a half-smile, embarrassed. “That’s creepy!” I shook my head.

After breakfast Richard took me for the grand tour. The house was so big that it took more than an hour to see it all. It was amazing. I loved it. The furnishings and style of the house were exquisite.

“This house is so big for just you and Mark, don’t you think?”

“Yes I agree. It would be much cosier with three,” he whispered suggestively, close to my ear before walking ahead.

I was taken aback by his reply and hated myself for setting that up for him. He looked back at me and smiled cheekily. I just ignored him and tried to keep up the pace. Not wanting to admit to it, but with all fairness, Richard was a very handsome man. I could only imagine how many women he had been with. I have no idea why he would be interested in me at all, especially after seeing me fall apart at his cottage. I wondered why he and his wife were divorced.

Richard then stopped ahead and waited for me to catch up to him.

“My apologies if you are bored.”

“No, not at all,” I replied honestly. I was enjoying Richard’s tour immensely.

Richard took me around the whole house and the beautiful grounds before we ended up at the stables. I tried not to be happy, I really did, but it was hard. The landscape and fresh air were too beautiful not to lift my mood. Every so often the guilt would return. It was important for me not to show Richard too much attention or any type of encouragement. I did not want to give him any false hope.

“Pick one,” he requested, as he pointed towards the horses.

I ran up, excited to pick, but stopped abruptly.

“You pick!” I said with a smile.

“Alright then,” he said as he passed his horses slowly, one by one, deep in thought.

“Now the horse that I choose for you will have to be like you: beautiful, strong and independent but with an irresistible innocence and, of course, slightly clumsy.”

“Stop it!” I frowned.

“Alright! It would have to be Sugar!”

“What? Not Sugar from the college?” I asked.

“Yes. Have you met?” he asked.

“We have met, briefly. I don’t understand why she is here?” I asked, puzzled.

“I do not get nearly enough time to ride all my horses, so occasionally, I send them to the college so the boys can give them a good run.”

“That makes sense.”

A man came out of the stable, smiled at me and went to Richard.

“Mr Cartwright, have you chosen a horse for the lady?” the man asked.

“Yes, Catherine will be riding Sugar.”

“Very good sir, I will also bring your horse around.”

“Thank you.”

A few minutes later, the man came out with two horses — mine, an old friend, and Richard’s, a black stallion, of course. The man brought Sugar to me and placed a timber stool beside her so I could climb up. Richard mounted his horse like a cowboy in an old movie. With a quick pull of the reins, he came around beside me.

“Do you ride as good as you look?” he asked with a cheeky tone of voice.

“I guess…”

“Call out if you need me to slow down for you. Any questions?” he asked.

“What’s the name of your horse?” I asked.

With a smile and a jerk of the reins, he replied ‘King’ and rode off.

“Ahhh!” I said, rolling my eyes, and started to ride after him.

I wasn’t sure if he was riding to his fullest potential, but I kept a great pace, which seemed to surprise him every time he looked over his shoulder. I felt free for the first time in a long time, flying through the air, the coldness of the wind touching me everywhere. I felt liberated, Sugar was a fast, slick horse to ride and we were a good match. She started to slow down as we descended into a valley. It was breathtaking. At the bottom of the valley, a clear lake was visible. An extraordinarily small bridge, nothing like I have ever seen before, hung over the lake.

Up ahead, Richard had dismounted so I slowed down. He was letting his horse rest and drink. Richard grabbed my reins and helped me down from the horse. Sugar went immediately to the water to drink.

I had an uncontrollable smile on my face that I could not hide. This made Richard so happy that his face lit up as well.

“You do ride as good as you look.”

“Thank you, you’re not so bad yourself.”

Just as I had caught my breath, a man coming from behind startled me.

“My apologies Miss, I did not mean to startle you,” he said as he went to the horses.

“Everything is ready sir,” he stated to Richard as he walked past him and pointed across the stream, up a small green hill.

“Thank you, Adam. Shall we?” Richard took my hand and led the way. I was now upset with myself. Richard seemed to be so comfortable grabbing my hand whenever he wanted to, and that was completely my fault. I should never have given him the green light to begin with. I let go of his hand and stopped halfway across the bridge to lean over and look at the stream. I took a deep breath. With my eyes closed, I thought of James.

The bridge would not have been 5-metres long and had dates and initials dating back to the 1600s scratched into it. I was fascinated. I closed my eyes and easily imagined the garden parties of the ladies and gentleman of the era, enjoying each other’s company. I let my hand slide against the stone wall as I crossed it. The feeling was overwhelming.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Richard queried.

I opened my eyes but didn’t answer, still overwhelmed with my feelings.

“I had my staff organise a picnic lunch for us. I hope that’s alright,” Richard asked, doubting himself.

“This is too much. Honestly I don’t know why this is happening,” I confessed.

“Please… do not be embarrassed, this is nothing.” He pointed to the extravagant picnic. “It is you that is too much!” he said in a soft voice.

I looked at him, puzzled.

Over lunch Richard did most of the talking. He made me feel comfortable. We talked about so many different things: the land, property and the home where he grew up and its history.

“I don’t understand.”

“You don’t understand what exactly?” he asked, intrigued.

“Your family, that big house. Just you and your parents… It’s so big.”

“My parents had always wanted many children. I remember my father told me once that he and my mother wanted the house full of children. But that was not meant to be,” he said as he drank his glass of wine. “My mother died when I was two. My father was heartbroken and never remarried. So it remained just the two of us in that house until he died, 20 years later. Now it’s just Mark and I. History repeating itself,” he joked making light of a sensitive subject.

“I am so sorry. How awful for you both to lose her so early on in your lives.”

“It was a long time ago now and I have no real memories; only what my father has told me.”

“And what happened to your wife? Oh, please forgive me!” I backtracked. “I am way out of line.” I turned away.

“No, please, it’s alright… I wanted a house full of children too, but Mark’s mother didn’t. She would have been happy with no children. That is why Mark stays with me,” he explained. He moved closer to me on the grass.

“You must be missing your family back in Australia”?

“Well… I do miss them, but it has nothing to do with Australia.”

He had a puzzled look on his face and waited for me to elaborate.

“I am also an only child; I lost my parents in a car accident years ago. I should have gone as well, but I guess it just wasn’t my time,” I smiled.

“That’s awful, I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“How could you, its fine.”

“Please, if you don’t mind me prying, what do you mean by, you were supposed to go as well?”

“Well the trip that my parents had organised was for their wedding anniversary and we were all to head down south, to our farm. We planned this trip for so long, trying to get dates that would suit everybody’s work schedule and my schooling. Finally the dates were set. The night before we left, I remember lying in bed for hours, unable to sleep, feeling uneasy; like I had a big exam or something. My excitement for the trip somehow turned to fear. I didn’t share my feelings with anyone, embarrassed, I suppose. The next morning, at the last minute, I decided not to go, I’m still not sure why. My parents were very upset, it hurt them… I never saw them again.” I exhaled, confused as to why I shared a story that had disturbed me for such a long time.

I finally looked up at Richard, who was surprisingly quiet.

But unfortunately for me, the silence didn’t last for long.

“I… don’t know what to say. I can’t comprehend what that would be like to go through. Just when I think it’s not possible to like you more. I have to tell you, when I first saw you at the college, you caught my eye purely because of your beauty. I could not get you out of my head for weeks. Then that day at the cottage, seeing you hurt and terrified, I realised I would have done anything to protect you, anything. I have never felt like that about any other woman in my life. Last night walking with you through the village, and having you next to me at breakfast this morning…” he paused, “I feel like I am playing with fire.”

“You are playing with fire!” I warned.

I got up and walked a few metres away. I could hear Richard approaching me from behind. I felt awful. I wanted to hate him but there was nothing to dislike. But I loved James, not Richard. Richard stood so close behind me I could feel him breathing.

“I am sorry, I said too much. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Please forgive me?”

I half-smiled back.

“How about I race you back?” he challenged.

“You’re on!” I accepted. Anything to avoid hearing his declarations of love.

We ran down to the stream toward our horses, laughing. Needless to say, Richard got on his horse before I did and was off. For some reason, Sugar was being difficult, not really wanting me to get on her. Her disobedience upset me, I didn’t want to lose.

“Please, can you help me?” I asked Adam who was looking after the horses. He held on to the reins and tried to calm Sugar so I could get on. As soon as I got on, she became even more agitated.

“Are you sure you want to ride her back? You can have my horse,” Adam yelled over her whinnies, while he tried to calm her.

“No, I’m fine!” I yelled back.

“Alright Miss, let her lead, she will take you straight home.”

He moved away and Sugar was off. It felt like she knew about the race and couldn’t wait to run. The ride back was different than before. I didn’t feel as confident on her. She was riding extremely fast and furiously. I just held on. Inside I was scared. I tried to be confident and gain control, but I wasn’t and my heart was almost beating in sync with her galloping hooves, thumping on the ground.

I didn’t know what had gotten into her. She was like a different horse. I was unfamiliar with my surroundings and sensed she wasn’t on the right path. I pulled back the reins but she didn’t respond. I seemed to have no control over her. I started screaming at her in a desperate attempt to regain control, but to no avail. I was now struggling to hold on and contemplated whether falling off would be an option, but I didn’t have the courage to let go. But nor did I have the strength to hold on. We were now riding alongside a dark and dense forest. Branches were scrapping against my body and face. I tried pulling on the reins again, but still nothing. I heard my name being called out, and it was an eerily familiar sound, which horrified me. I refused to look towards the trees.

I opened my eyes for a split second to look ahead; we were heading for a cliff.

“No! Stop! Stop!” I yelled, again in vain.

As we approached the edge, Sugar became even more erratic. I felt I had no choice but to jump. I took my feet out of the stirrups, and closed my eyes. I was still trying to get the courage to let go when, without warning, Sugar bucked me off. I fell to the ground and started rolling away. Each time my body rolled, I could see Sugar sliding further and further away from me. When I stopped tumbling, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. My body was excruciatingly sore and my hands were burning from holding tight on the reins. I looked out, wondering where she was. I could hear something from behind me, but was too exhausted to turn my body around. I closed my eyes.

When I opened them again, I was back at Richard’s home. He was standing a few metres away by the fireplace, how did I get back to the house? I closed my eyes again and tried to move but was sore all over. Opening my eyes again, I saw that Richard had now caught sight of me and came to me immediately. His face was close to mine and his lips were moving but I couldn’t make out the words. Against my will, my eyes closed again. My exhaustion couldn’t keep them open. The pain in my body was getting stronger, but I was now able to move a little. I forced my eyes open. Richard was still close to me and he was very upset. I raised my aching arm towards him. My hands were dirty and bloody.

“Am I alive?” I joked.

“Yes, yes you are,” Richard replied quickly with a laugh. “The doctor said no broken bones, you were very lucky.”

I moaned. The pain was unbearable.

“What happened to Sugar? Is she OK?”

Richard didn’t reply.

“Is she alright, sir?” a voice said nervously from somewhere behind me.

Richard turned toward the voice. It was the man who looked after the horses when we were having a lunch. He looked upset and edgy. He came closer to me.

“Please forgive me, Miss. I should have stopped you from getting on Sugar,” he said.

“No, no. You did try. I remember you offered me your horse. I should have listened to you,” I admitted with a comforting smile. “I just thought she was anxious to get back to the stables.”

Richard had moved to the side so that the man could see for himself that I was all right. The tension between them was obvious.

I hate myself for getting this poor man into trouble with my foolishness.

“Is Sugar OK?” I asked again.

The man looked surprised by my question and didn’t answer. He looked towards Richard.

“She didn’t make it, Catherine.”

“No, No!” I cried, covering my face with my bloodied hands.

Richard held my hands gently to pull them away from my face.

“She did this to you.”

“No she didn’t. She was trying to stop this from happening!” I cried and shook my head.

“I don’t understand. Adam said he had never seen her like this before. She was wild!” Richard tried to explain.

Richard then looked to Adam for an explanation.

“Miss, it’s true. I have been her carer since she was a filly, and I have never seen her react like that to a rider before. I rode after you. I saw how erratic she was. It wasn’t Sugar. It was like she was possessed.”

“You rode after me?” I whispered.

“Yes, Miss. I could see that she was out of control; I wanted to be sure that she had calmed down. She was wild. I don’t know how you stayed on for as long as you did. I called out but you were too far ahead to hear me.”

“What did you call out?”

“Pardon?”

“What exactly did you call out? My name?”

“No, not your name,” Adam replied, confused.

“She threw me off as she was heading for the cliff. She saved me!” I cried.

“That will be all Adam, thank you,” Richard said.

Adam left immediately and Richard came to sit beside me on the lounge.

“Catherine, I am so sorry for all of this, and for upsetting you just now. I am trying to understand.”

How could he understand? It’s me who should be apologising. That horse died because of me. I believe that with every inch of my body.

I looked at myself, all dirty and sore, and shook my head.

“I want to have a shower. Can you help me up?”

“Yes, of course. I will have Mary come and assist you in the shower,” he said, gently supporting my arm and lifting me off the lounge. I felt sore all over.

Mary organised the shower and my clothes. I was able to undress and shower myself while Mary waited in my room. I could see the damage to my body. I had several bruises on my leg and a cut on my forehead that was already dressed. I had scratches all over my hands. When I got out of the shower, Mary had laid my clothes out on my bed: a pair of long silk pants and a matching camisole.

“Thank you Mary. Sorry to be such a nuisance.”

She didn’t reply, just smiled and left, so I took that as an acceptance of my apology.

Despite her lack of response, I didn’t want her to leave me. I didn’t want to be alone. I got dressed and sat on my bed, waiting and thinking. I looked around the room, fearful that something might happen. The security I once enjoyed was gone.

I can’t be alone…

Suddenly, a knock on the door startled me.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“It’s me. Can I come in?” Richard asked.

“Yes.”

He opened the door while he balanced a tray in his other hand. When he noticed what I was wearing he became flustered.

“Richard it’s OK! Your lady friend who picked out all my clothes obviously had some big plans for us this weekend!”

He laughed, placing the tray on the table and standing at the end of my bed. He stood there, wanting to say something but resisting. I felt for him, he had tried to make this a perfect weekend but it was doomed before it began.

“Richard, I beg you! Don’t feel bad for any of this, none of it is your fault. You have been wonderful and I have honestly enjoyed my time here with you.”

“May I?” he asked, pointing to the chair.

I nodded.

He sat on the chair.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked sincerely.

“Guilty.” I looked away. I didn’t want to cry and the last thing I needed was sympathy.

“Please… Don’t be. It could have been a lot worse,” he said as he ran his hand through his hair. I could tell he was frustrated. “I will let you rest, you won’t be disturbed.” He stood up to leave.

“No! I mean. Ah… I don’t know how to ask you, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want to be alone tonight. I can’t be alone. Please don’t leave.”

“What is it?” Richard rushed over to me. “I won’t leave you. Not even for a moment, I promise.”

“Stay in my bed… with me… and don’t leave, even if I fall asleep,” I pleaded.

“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away…”

“You didn’t just say that?” I looked at him shocked. With all that had happened today that was the best phrase he could come up with?

“I did… sorry!” he said with a guilty smile.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I did neither.

I got into bed ever so slowly while Richard dimmed the lights and followed me. To his shock, and ultimately his approval, I moved closer to him. The only way I was going to be able to close my eyes and relax was to feel him next to me. After a few minutes I was able to close my eyes. I didn’t want to remember anything about today. All I wanted was to sleep now and in the morning go back to James. Tomorrow could not come quick enough.

CHAPTER TEN

I woke to find myself all over Richard. I mean all over. I was lying in his arms with my arm across his chest and my leg resting over him as well. He was awake but lying still. He chuckled when he saw my reaction.

“I am so sorry…” I said, embarrassed, trying to move away without touching him further.

“Please don’t be sorry, I’m not!” he smirked.

I playfully slapped his chest.

“Ouch!” I opened my hand. It was red and sore. And just like that, all of yesterday’s memories were there in the palm of my hand.

“You must have held onto those reins for dear life.”

“I did.”

Richard was still lying next to me, leaning on one arm. I sat up in bed, trying to adjust my top and fix my hair. He had a smile on his face that made me very suspicious.

“What?”

“Nothing…”

I shook my head. “Tell me!”

He smiled and sat up.

“You were talking in your sleep last night,” he told me in a serious tone.

“No… Oh… no!” I paused for a moment, wondering what I could have possibly said.

“Don’t you want to know?” he enquiry.

I was terrified about what he may have heard me say.

“You were calling out to James… Are you with him?” he asked, sounding disappointed.

“Richard…”

“Are you with him?” he asked again, this time with more urgency.

“No, I mean, yes…” I replied.

“Why James? I have never ever seen him show a flicker of affection to any woman before. Why now? Why you?” His voice was raised as he got out of the bed, away from me.

“Richard, please,” I tried to console him, following him out of the bed.

“That man doesn’t know how to love!”

“Stop it!” I shouted.

“James does not love you!”

“Please, don’t…”

“What kind of man lets the woman he loves go away with another man?”

“It’s complicated.”

“There is nothing complicated about love.” He grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me close to him, and kissed me. I tried to resist but he was too strong. He pushed his body closer to mine. I didn’t want to kiss him, but I could feel his pain and the love in his touch. It was the way I was feeling when I wanted James but couldn’t have him. I stopped resisting and kissed him back. I brought my body even closer to him. I placed my hands on his chest and neck, for a moment forgetting who I was, and whom I loved. I gave Richard the memory that he needed, because after today I was certain I would never see him again.

I slowly pulled my lips away from his, my mouth still slightly open and breathless. We stared into each other’s eyes for a moment.

“Catherine…”

I put my fingers to his lips to stop him.

“I want to go back… Now!”

When I arrived back at the college, it was just me, in the dress I had left in, and my empty bag. Richard had respected my wishes to return alone.

“Goodbye Michael, thank you for the lift.”

“It was my pleasure. Can I help you with your bag?” he asked politely.

“No, it’s not heavy at all. Thanks anyway.” Stupid bag. I have never known anything so insignificant to have so much attention.

I headed back into the college building, desperate to see James. I saw a few teachers along the way who looked concerned when they greeted me. The guilt of that kiss was written all over my face. I walked past a mirror in the foyer and caught glimpse of my reflection. The bandage was still on my forehead, and the cuts and bruises were still visible. I had forgotten about them. I should have explained but I couldn’t be bothered. I went to James’s office first and knocked on his door, which had now been fixed. No answer. I headed for the common room and peeked in. I didn’t want to be noticed. Just about everybody was in there, but not James. Disappointed, I headed to my room. The stairs had never been so hard to climb. My legs were still aching, and for the first time this weekend I was glad my bag was empty. When I finally got to my room, I collapsed onto my bed. I finally felt like I was home. I stared at the ceiling before closing my eyes to rest them.

“Knock, knock. Are you back?” Jules sung out from the hallway.

I got off my bed as fast as I could to open the door for her. I was so happy to see her. Unable to contain my joy I did the unthinkable and held her. I hugged her tightly, until I realised the pain I had just brought on myself.

“Ouch!” I complained as I stepped away from her.

“Oh my Lord, what has happened to you?” Jules cried.

“It was an accident.”

“What kind of accident?” she yelled back, upset.

“Horse riding,” I whispered. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into my room.

“I am so happy to see you, Jules, and to be back.”

“Catherine, I’m happy to see you too, but not like this, you really look hurt.” She shook her head.

“Jules, I promise it looks worse than it is.”

“What did Richard do? He must feel awful.”

If only she knew!

“It was no one’s fault, just an accident.”

“Is that why you came back so early?”

“Um… No, I just wanted some time to be ready for tomorrow’s classes, that’s all.”

“How was your weekend? Was it everything you imagined? Please tell me everything! Is he as romantic as I imagine?” she asked, moving around the room like she was dancing.

“Jules, Richard and I aren’t together.” I decided to be honest.

“What? Did something happen?”

“No, our feelings for each other just aren’t the same.”

“Oh, Catherine, I am so sorry. Men can be so cruel sometimes.”

Jules hugged me and held onto me while I rolled my eyes.

“Ouch!” I yelled.

“Sorry!”

“Jules, where is everyone?” I asked casually.

“Well, um, let’s see. Dr Simons has gone for a walk; most of the teachers are in the common room, and Mr Barclay, well, I guess he is in his office or his room. Actually I haven’t seen him since Friday morning. I am meeting Dr Simons in a little while for tea. Would you like to join us? I know he would love to see you. He has been waiting anxiously for you to come back.”

“Thank you, but I’ll pass. I am still sore and tired. I might have a nap.”

“Very well, welcome back. A rest sounds like a great idea. Try to keep your chin up. There are plenty of fish in the sea!” she said to comfort me, and left.

The plot thickens…

After a few minutes in my room, I went to James’s door and knocked. No one answered. I knocked again but still no answer. I put my ear to the door and could hear water running. I grabbed the door handle, praying it was unlocked, and it was. I entered the room, locking the door behind me. I wasn’t sure what I should do next, so I sat on the edge of the bed, in front of the bathroom door and waited. I grabbed his pillow and held it close to my face, breathing in the beautiful scent that I had missed. I closed my eyes and waited. Finally the water stopped running and my heart started thumping. I watched the door handle turn. I had never felt so insecure. I was unsure how he would react, seeing me.

As he opened the door, he came out with a towel around his waist and another one drying his hair. I couldn’t wait. I ran to him and put my arms around him.

“Catherine! No!” In his surprise, he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away.

“Ahh!” I cried. My shoulders were aching.

He took a second to look at me, pulling my hair away from my face. He touched my face, and gently touched my shoulders— the same shoulders that he had just pushed away.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concerned.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I muttered, holding back the tears.

And then there was fury in his eyes.

“Did Richard do this to you?” He was visibly angry and beared his teeth as he spoke.

“What? No! Of course not! James, please… just hold me.”

“Catherine. Please…” He tried not to care, but couldn’t. He shook his head.

“What happened to you?” he asked in a softer caring voice.

I didn’t want to answer so I turned away. He followed me, crouching down, looking at my face.

“Please… Tell me! Who did this to you?”

“Not who… what. I had a visitor while I was away. An old friend of ours — the one you and Mr Kemp were certain would leave me alone as long as we weren’t together. James it’s not you that it’s trying to stop me from being with. It’s anyone! This thing wants me dead so it can have me. I sense this now. It’s not about us, it’s about me! So stop pushing me away, it won’t make a difference,” I cried.

He completely caught off guard by my theory and tone.

I stood quietly and waited, hoping that he believed me.

“Are you in pain?” he asked as he placed his hand gently on my cheek and wiped my tears.

“I was thrown off a horse, while it was moving at 100 kilometres per hour.”

“Ouch…” he whispered. “Is this all still worth it for you? Wouldn’t it be easier to just leave and go back to Australia?”

“I can never leave, this is my home now. I love you. Nothing else matters.”

I stepped closer to him, praying he would let me near him and not push me away.

“I never stopped loving you, Catherine. When you went with Richard… I went mad. I hated myself for letting you go.”

I bit my lip, remembering a few things that I needed to let him know about my weekend away.

“Um… There’s something else. Richard knows about us,” I confessed.

“You told him?” he asked surprised.

“Not exactly…”

“Then how does he know?”

“When I realised that it wasn’t safe for me to be alone, I asked him… to stay in my room. I was terrified of being alone.”

“In your room? I don’t know which is worse, our ghost or Richard? Go on…”

“Well, apparently, I talk in my sleep. I was calling out your name.”

I shook my head, contemplating whether I should tell him everything. I wanted to, but I didn’t.

“And now there are two after you! You’re not helping the situation either. Do you think you could stop attracting attention from anyone else? Please?” He was so trusting and understanding that he didn’t question me.

“Catherine, I don’t know how to fix this,” James admitted.

“But you will!”

“I don’t know.”

“And I promise I will do whatever you want. I will obey any rules and even put up with Mr Kemp babysitting me! Anything…”

“I am going to take you up on that,” he smiled.

“Do we still have to keep us being together a secret?” I enquiry.

“For now, yes. But not for long,” he replied confidently.

“Did anything else strange happen while you were away or when we were apart?”

“No… not really. Just a dream I keep having, over and over again.”

“What is it?” he asked casually.

I thought about telling him about Victoria and Jonathon and the scene with the locket but I really didn’t know what could be gained. It’s just becoming more frequent and is starting to trouble me.

“It’s nothing, really,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

I took in a deep breath and felt some pain shoot through my chest.

“Ahhh…” I moaned.

“You were lucky, you know,” James said.

“I know… I have never been so terrified in my life. I didn’t want to die. Not yet anyway,” I continued.

“Not ever,” he added, “I would kiss you, but I fear I may add to your pain…” he joked.

I was not amused; he lifted my hand, turned it around and touched the palm. He kissed it so gently and then kissed the other one, placing them on his chest. He put both his hands around my back and pulled me slowly towards him until our bodies were touching. His body was breathtaking and even better then I remembered.

“I can’t wait until tonight. To have you in my arms,” he whispered as he kissed me.

“Tonight? Why not now?” I protested.

“Well, I have to deal with something. While I’m gone you need to stay with someone.”

“What? Where are you going? Can I come?”

“I don’t think that is such a good idea,” he replied.

“Can’t it wait?”

“Not at all. I am going to see Richard, about us.”

“What?” I was shocked to hear his name.

James can’t see Richard. He will tell him about our kiss!

“I have to.”

“James, he won’t say anything.”

“I need to be sure.”

Then there was a knock at the door that ended our conversation.

“Who is it?”

“Oh, my apologies Mr Barclay, it’s me. I am so sorry to disturb you, but Mr Cartwright is here, wanting to see you,” called Jules.

“Miss Kent, please excuse me for not coming to the door. I have just gotten out of the shower. Please let Mr Cartwright know I will be with him in a few moments.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Why is he here?” I asked, frustrated.

“Catherine! Calm down! This is a good thing.”

“No… It isn’t. Trust me. You don’t want to talk to him today. This is all still fresh,” I pleaded.

“You have nothing to worry about. I want you to go straight to the common room and stay there until I finish. I will follow you.”

“No!”

“Yes!” he said as he kissed me, turned me around and sent me on my way.

I had an idea. If I could get to Richard before James and beg him not to mention the kiss, then everything should be OK. Now, if only I could get there fast enough.

As I left James’s room, the hallway was unusually cold. I crossed my arms as my body shivered. As I arrived at the top of the staircase, I paused for a second, contrary to the plan of rushing to Richard before James got there. Something was not right and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I knew I had to get down the stairs quickly but something was holding me back. As soon as I placed my foot on the first step, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned, thinking it was James.

How could James already be dressed and out of his room?

As my body turned, a darkness went through me, sending me soaring down the stairs. I screamed out so loud that my throat hurt. I closed my eyes… My body lay on the earth, still. Thick, cold grass was beneath my face and the scent of it was over-powering. I didn’t realise grass could smell this strong.

Why am I lying on the ground outside? Why am I dressed like this?

I wondered how I had survived the fall. In actual fact, I was completely fine. I wasn’t hurt at all, just confused about where I was and how it was possible that I was still alive. I tried to get up, but I had no feeling in my legs. I lay there, helpless, looking around to see if there was anyone who could help me. The sun was strong, its rays shining down through the tree almost blinding. I heard some laughter and I looked around to where the sounds were coming from. After a few seconds of scouting I could see a woman was running and laughing in the distance.

“Hey, over here!” I yelled, but she ignored me. She was close enough to have heard me.

Why can’t she hear me?

A man then appeared placing his arms around her as they both continued laughing.

“Please, help me!” I yelled again, hoping the man would be more sympathetic to my cries. But he wasn’t. They both disregarded me. I grabbed at the grass with my hands and tore it out of the ground in anger and frustration.

Damn it!

I looked up again to scream out, but they were flirting with each other and laughing, paying no attention to my screams for help. The woman was putting something into the man’s hand. A shiver ran through my body. I then realised it was them — Victoria and Jonathon — the couple in my dream. My eyes opened wide in disbelief. The man opened his hand and pulled out the locket. He opened it and smiled, exactly like my dream.

Could I be dreaming now? That would explain my being outside rather than inside on the bottom of the staircase. Maybe I didn’t even fall? Or maybe I am still lying down on my bed in my room, dreaming this all? Yes, that’s it. It’s all a dream, it has to be…

So I decided to wait till I woke up. I closed my eyes, rolled on to my back and let the sunshine warm my face, while I lay in the lush green grass.

“What are you doing?” a young voice asked.

I opened my eyes and was surprised to find a beautiful little girl standing over me in a white, old-fashioned lace dress, smiling.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“My name is Elizabeth,” she replied politely.

I wasn’t even sure why I was inconveniencing myself with this conversation. It was only a dream. I noticed Elizabeth looking towards the couple, who were standing there laughing and talking to each other. The girl looked anxious as she watched.

“Are you alright Elizabeth?” I asked.

“Yes,” she replied hesitantly.

“Do you know them?” I reluctantly asked.

“They are my parents, but I have not seen them for a long time,” she replied.

“They are your parents? Well, I don’t know why, but I am always dreaming about them. But you! This is a first, having you join the dream!” I joked.

She looked puzzled. “Do you not know who I am?”

“What?”

“You don’t remember me?”

“How can I? We just met.”

“No, we have met before.”

“You must have me mistaken for someone else, Elizabeth.”

“No… I remember you,” she said, slightly disappointed.

I wasn’t amused. This was my dream and she was starting to annoy me.

“You have to go back, and remember me.” She took a small twig of baby breath from her hair, placed it in the palm of my hand and then closed it.

“I wonder if they…” she added as she looked towards her parents and ran off to them.

My eyes followed her. Watching Elizabeth running towards her parents made me feel extremely emotional. I felt as though my heart was going to pound out of my chest, watching her little arms swing from side to side and her long hair swaying. Seeing her leave tore my heart apart. Even though I was sure this wasn’t real, I was overcome by uncontrollable emotions. As her parents turned towards her, her mother fell to her knees with open arms. Her father also fell to his knees, his hands over his face with disbelief. The tears were now pouring down my face as Elizabeth joined her parents and was held in her mother’s arms, I felt the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders.

Why was I bearing that weight? This has nothing to do with me! This isn’t true…

Watching the way that woman held onto her daughter, and hearing her cry was the most amazingly beautiful experience I had ever witnessed. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them, but I was starting to feel tired. These powerful emotions were exhausting. I lay down on my back again and decided to try to fall asleep so I could wake up. But I couldn’t sleep. One minute everything was so peaceful and calm and now there was a racket all around me.

How was I supposed to sleep?

I didn’t bother opening my eyes. I didn’t want to see what all the chaos was about. There were now so many unfamiliar voices around me calling out things that I didn’t understand. Still, I didn’t open my eyes. I sensed that I was just about to fall asleep…

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I felt like I had been asleep for hours. Yet I was still not hurried at all to wake up. When I eventually opened my eyes, I wasn’t in my room on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about James. Nor was I in an unfamiliar place, lying face down in a garden, dreaming. I was in hospital, with tubes in my arm, machines on both sides of me, a doctor and a few nurses over me. The doctor told me not to speak or move. He explained I had fallen down the stairs and I was very lucky.

I already knew all that, but my version of events was different and I was far from lucky. I took the doctor’s advice anyway. I didn’t speak or move.

“I am just going to take your blood pressure,” a nurse said as she gently grabbed my arm. “Relax your hand please.”

My hand was in a tight, uncomfortable fist. I released my hand, and in my palm was a flat, lifeless baby breath twig. The nurse didn’t notice such a small thing, but for me, it was unbelievable.

“Perfect,” she said as she went back to her seat beside me.

I touched the baby breath in my hand.

Oh Elizabeth, you were very, very real! Who are you and how do I know you?

I thought about what she had said, over and over. I didn’t know any other Elizabeth.

Is it supposed to be a riddle? This is all too hard…

I tried to think of the Elizabeths I knew. There was my neighbour in Sydney, but she was Italian and it just couldn’t be her. The only other was the elderly Elizabeth who I met on the plane trip to England.

Could it be her? That’s not possible. She’s so old. This is too crazy. Surely there has to be some end to all this bedlam. There has to be!

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. All of a sudden, I had a great urge to see Elizabeth.

When I can move, I am going to London to see her!

I had no idea why or what I would say to her.

The next day, my thoughts were solely on Elizabeth — her words, her parents…

What was the connection to me?

The nurse assigned to my room was present around the clock. She never left in my room without being replaced by another.

I hope I’m not on suicide watch!

Thinking rationally, I realised that this would be the work of James, trying to look after me. I looked at the nurse. She was reading a novel and was incredibly engrossed.

“Excuse me.” My voice was rough and dry, and barely recognisable.

“Yes, dear,” she replied, immediately closing her book and getting up to approach me. She was quite young and seemed nervous.

“How long have I been in hospital?” I asked.

“Um, you came in on Sunday… and today is Thursday,” she replied.

“What?” I cried, “That’s not possible. I have only been awake one day, at the most.”

“Miss White, you have been in surgery.” She stopped talking. I think the look on my face and my panicked breathing was too much for her to handle.

“Let me call the doctor and he will speak with you.” She used my buzzer, and in less than a minute, another nurse came by.

“Could you please call the doctor, so he can speak to Catherine?” the first nurse asked.

“Yes, of course.”

In a few minutes, the same doctor who was with me previously came to my room.

“Catherine, welcome back! You have been catching up on some much needed sleep perhaps?” he said.

I didn’t find what he was saying to be amusing or entertaining. I could not fathom that I had been in hospital for that long.

“Is today really Thursday? How long have I been asleep?” I needed confirmation.

“Yes, but Catherine, you will be fine. We’ll be able to get you discharged from here within a week.”

“How bad are my injuries?”

“You had major swelling of the tissue surrounding your hip, which has now decreased considerably. You also fractured your femur, which needed surgery, what we call an ‘open reduction’. You see, we inserted a piece of metal, called an internal fixator, which will hold your bone in place while it heals. You have no neck, back or head injuries. With a fall like that, you are very lucky not to have sustained further injuries.”

I nodded with a fake smile, which he picked up on.

“A Mr Barclay has organised a private nurse to be in your room around the clock. I didn’t think it was necessary, but he was adamant that that was what he wanted.”

“Where is James? Is he here?” I asked.

“He has been here all day, every day. But just as you were coming around, he had to leave.”

“Will you contact him for me please and tell him that I would like to see him as soon as possible?”

“Yes, of course,” he promised.

There was a knock at the door. The doctor went to the door and started to speak with someone. I couldn’t hear the other person’s voice. The doctor popped his head back in.

“Are you up for a visitor, Catherine? A Jules Kent?”

“Yes, yes!” I nodded frantically.

“I will leave you to it then,” the doctor said as he left the room.

“I will be waiting outside Miss, until your visit is done,” the nurse said as she followed the doctor out of the room.

And there was Jules. She looked awful. Her eyes were dark and she was more pale than usual.

“My darling Catherine, we thought we had lost you, my beautiful girl…”

“Oh, Jules. I am so sorry.”

“I have never been so scared in all my life. I couldn’t lose you. You are the sister I never had. You, my dear, would have to be the most lucky and most unlucky person I have ever met.”

“I know, I couldn’t agree more.”

“What happened?”

“Hmmm… I must have lost my balance. My legs were still sore from the fall from the horse and I miscalculated my step. I don’t remember anything after that,” I lied.

“Well, I don’t think I will be able to forget it. I was on my way to Mr Cartwright with a message from Mr Barclay when I heard your scream. Mr Cartwright must have heard it too because he ran right past me. When I finally got to you, both Mr Cartwright and Mr Barclay were standing over you, helpless.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them she was still shaking her head.

“Catherine, it is almost impossible to describe to you the terror in both those men’s faces. They were horrified, and the look in Mr Barclay’s eyes. It was almost like…”

“Like what?” I asked.

“It was like he had just lost everything. He kept calling out your name. It was heart wrenching!” she admitted. “And poor Mr Cartwright… He just stood there, helpless and speechless. No one dared move you. And Mr Barclay would not allow anyone to touch you or come near you. It was unbelievable when the ambulance came and took you away, Richard sat on the bottom of the staircase for hours.”

“What? Why?”

“Well I guess he did not know where to go. It is not my place to say, but… I overheard Mr Barclay telling Mr Cartwright to stay away from you. I was in complete shock. He doesn’t know that I heard. I don’t know what came over Mr Barclay. It’s not like him,” she announced.

“And now?” I asked.

“Well I haven’t seen Mr Cartwright since Sunday and Mr Barclay has been coming back and forth. He has found a replacement for you.”

“A replacement!”

“Just until you get better. I think you may be here for another week. Oh, yes, before I forget, I brought you a few things — toiletry items, your handbag and phone. If there is anything else you think of that you need, I can bring it up for you tomorrow.”

“Thank you Jules. You did good!”

“I will put everything here in your drawer; close enough for you to reach. Mr Barclay has made it clear that no students or teachers, except for me of course, are to visit you. How do you feel?”

“I don’t know… I am still in shock that I have been here for so long already. And that I may have to stay another week!”

“Please, Catherine that should not be an issue for you. You do not understand how fortunate you are. Please I have told Mr Barclay that when the time comes, I will come and collect you.”

“Jules, I would really appreciate that. Thank you. As soon as the doctor lets me know when I can leave and the time, I will call you and let you know.”

“Perfect.”

“The doctor did tell me not to visit for too long, so you can rest. I had better go. I tell you, I have aged years from all your accidents!” she laughed, trying to make light of the situation, but I knew it was true.

The moment Jules left the room, the nurse came back in an instant. I knew that I had been pushed down those stairs and I knew that James believed that also. But I was not scared anymore. I was angry that this ghost was such a coward. I used to think it had feelings for me and that it wanted me in its own sick way. I thought that these things kept happening because of jealousy, but not anymore. I was coming to the conclusion that this thing was vengeful, and had a feeling of resentment towards me, and worst of all that it wanted me dead. I hated it, whatever it was. I couldn’t wish it dead because it was already dead. I wished it would go back to wherever it had come from — hell, I guess.

What in God’s name have I done to deserve this?

I closed my eyes and tried to recall my last dream. I called it a dream for the sake of my sanity, but I knew it wasn’t.

OK, so I think ‘little’ Elizabeth saved my life and somehow she is connected to the ‘old’ Elizabeth I met on the plane. But how?

I opened my eyes, deciding to call ‘old’ Elizabeth. I reached over to my handbag and pulled out my wallet. From inside I retrieved a card with the names Mr Edward Knox and Mrs Elizabeth Knox, a London address and a phone number on it. I picked up my phone. The battery was flat.

“Damn!” I said, without thinking. The nurse looked up and realised I was having trouble with my phone.

“Pardon me, Miss. Would you like to use a phone?” she asked softly.

“Yes, please. My phone is flat and I really need to make a call,” I replied.

She pressed my buzzer and waited for another nurse to come in. This nurse then scurried off to get a phone for me.

“I am sorry I cannot leave to give you any privacy,” she apologised nervously.

“Oh… no… That’s OK,” I reassured her with a smile.

I dialled the number, not really knowing what I was going to say.

Here goes nothing!

It rang for a while and I considered hanging up. In my mind, I kept saying, “one more ring, one more ring” until finally someone answered.

“Edward speaking,” Edward answered. His voice was low and solemn, not at all the way I remembered it.

“Hello, Edward. I don’t know if you remember me, it’s Catherine. We met on the plane from Sydney,” I muttered.

“Catherine, yes my dear. I do remember you. Are you well?” he asked politely.

“Yes, thank you. Um… I’m calling because I am going to be in London a week from today and I was hoping to call in. Would that be OK?” I asked.

“Oh… Catherine. Yes, you are most welcome. We were hoping that you would visit.”

“Wonderful, I will see you then.”

“Goodbye,” I said.

“Goodbye,” he replied.

Wow! That was easier than I thought!

I could have kicked myself for forgetting to ask about Elizabeth. Edward was such a gentleman. I remembered the way he looked at his wife. The love they had for each other was deep and beautiful. I could only pray that James and I would grow old together, spending each and every day in each other’s arms. I closed my eyes to think. I had a week from today to get out of the hospital. I would have to try and get discharged early in the morning to travel to London and back. I could have Jules pick me up late in the afternoon. Admittedly, I was feeling less confident after my last plan had turned into a complete disaster. I missed James, and I needed him so much that it added to my pain. I wished he could come to London with me, but he made it clear on several occasions that he avoided going to London as much as he could. I also felt I needed to meet with them alone. I wished I could tell him about the little girl, Elizabeth, but I wasn’t sure what to say. Would I tell him that I saw a little girl in my dream and I think she is the old lady I met on the plane? And the little girl is also the daughter of the couple with the locket that I have been dreaming about? It sounded so crazy. Would I explain to him that they seemed part of my dream and that they were alive and real? For a moment, I wondered whether I had landed on my head when I fell down the stairs. I decided to speak with the doctor and work out how to secretly get out of this hospital.

After handing the phone to the nurse, I asked if she could find out if I could be discharged a week from today. I told her that I had a very important appointment in London that I could not miss.

“The next time the doctor comes in I will check for you. Right now, you should rest.”

I agreed. I was feeling quite tired.

I lay on the right side of my body. There was less pain on that side. I faced the nurse and gave her a smile. I closed my eyes hoping that I would sleep for the whole week, wake up and leave, just like that.

When I woke, I immediately noticed the nurse’s chair was empty. I opened my eyes wider. The lights in my room had been dimmed. Panic started to come over me. A hand then touched my arm gently.

“Catherine, don’t be frightened. It’s me.”

“James!”

“I’m sorry. I should have been here for you.”

“You were… I know you were, and I know you only left when you knew I was going to be alright.”

“Did you just say alright?” he mocked me.

“I mean, okaay!” I smiled.

He was now smiling. That same smile that had melted my heart the first day I met him.

“I heard you got a replacement for me?”

“Correct,” he replied.

“Is it worth it for just a week?”

He didn’t answer.

“James, the replacement is just for a week, right?”

“Catherine… I don’t want to do this now.”

“Do what? Fire me? When would you like to do this then?” I was shocked.

“Please, you have to know… I mean, you have to now finally agree how serious this is. I saw your lifeless body at the bottom of the stairs, and at that moment I decided that I would rather not have you than lose you again.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. If you don’t have me, you have lost me anyway!”

“There is a difference, Catherine.”

“No, not to me there isn’t!”

“When you are discharged and you are back at the college, we will talk then.”

“Talk all you like, James. This jealous, vindictive, evil thing is not going to get what it wants! I will overcome it!”

“Jealous, vindictive, evil thing? Why do you say that?”

“I’m right, aren’t I? He is jealous of me being with any other man, and vindictive because his so-called pride has been hurt and evil because he will stop at nothing!”

I was shocked by my words. This was the first time I had referred to ‘it’ as a man. This ghost, or thing, had never really existed in my mind, but I didn’t believe that anymore. He was a man. My train of thought was confusing me, unsure of where my thoughts were taking me. James was also surprised by my sudden outburst.

“I don’t know what to say… You seem different… better…” he smiled.

“I suppose I am. I guess when you get pushed around, literally in my case, at some point it changes you. I hope you don’t mind too much.”

“I feel like I can win this James. Things are different now. I have more on my side.”

“More on your side?” he repeated, confused.

“Trust me, you don’t want me to explain it to you.”

“I think you should,” he said as he crossed his arms and stood up straight.

“I don’t think I can.”

He smiled, released his stern position and came closer.

“I have had an awful week, Catherine. You cannot imagine. I can’t lose you… Your life is so special and extraordinary that we can’t take it for granted.”

“I didn’t wish any of this craziness on myself!”

“I know, I know. But whether you wanted it or not, it’s here.”

He held my hand and kissed it. It brought a smile to my face, and looking deep into my eyes, James smiled back.

“It looks like you will be out of here on Friday.”

“Really?” I was pleased.

“When you were asleep, the nurse spoke with your doctor, and if all is still alright, you can leave Friday. Jules really wants to come and collect you, so I hope that’s alright with you.”

“That’s fine. I will call her Thursday night and confirm with her the time so she won’t have to wait for me to be discharged.”

“Fine, I will let her know.”

“James?”

“Yes.”

“Nothing…”

“What is it?”

“Nothing, really!”

“You’re not keeping anything from me are you?”

“No… no,” I said as I looked away. l was a terrible liar.

“Catherine, please be safe. I will escort you to the airport myself if you intentionally put yourself in harm’s way. Remember that!” James warned.

I nodded, thinking there was no way I would allow him to do that.

“You should rest now.”

“Will I see you tomorrow night?”

“Yes, you will,” he said.

He kissed my hand again slowly. I closed my eyes to indulge the feeling.

“Goodnight…” he said, opening the door, allowing the nurse back into my room as he left.

The rest of the week was filled with physiotherapy sessions, crosswords and awful hospital food. Jules visited me again, this time with Dr Simons, and James came late every evening. On the Thursday night, he asked me if I knew what time I would be discharged. I lied and told him 3 o’clock so I could make my journey to London before Jules came to pick me up. James said he would pass the message on to Jules. After he left, I asked the nurse to make certain that I was discharged by 9. She promised that she would have a cab organised.

The nurse was true to her word. The cab was waiting at the front of the hospital. It was a cold and drizzly day. I got into the cab quickly, gave him Elizabeth and Edward’s address and I was on my way. The journey into London took close to an hour and a half. I arrived at the house just before 11 o’clock. I paid the cab driver, asking him to come back and collect me and return me back to the hospital. He agreed.

When I got to the door I was overwhelmed, but somehow comfortable, at being there. The home was a terrace overlooking a park. It was beautiful, and had pretty planter boxes on the front window. I rang the doorbell and waited, hearing slow footsteps make their way to the door. As the door opened, I shied away, taking a step backwards.

“Catherine, you came! How wonderful. Please come in… Wait! What’s happened to you? Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes. It’s nothing.” I pointed to my bruises. “I fell off a horse!” I joked. “Edward, it is so good to see you again.”

“And you my dear. Please, please, come right in.”

As I walked down the hallway, my sense of smell was taken on a joyride. The house was warm and smelt so sweet. There were fresh flowers everywhere in the house. We walked past a few rooms — a formal lounge and dining room, and then on to a smaller casual living area.

“Please, sit down,” he told me, as he directed me to a chair.

“Thank you,” I replied with a smile.

Edward sat opposite me.

“Is Elizabeth here?”

“Um… Catherine. I am sorry. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone…”

“Tell me what?”

“My beautiful Elizabeth passed away a few days before you called.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” he said as he bent his head down.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Elizabeth was dead. It couldn’t be. To my side, I noticed a round table with a photo of Elizabeth and a small vase of flowers beside it.

“Edward, please forgive me for my reaction. I am so sorry for your loss. I… just really wanted to see her. I can’t believe this has happened. I don’t know what to say. I am so sorry. I don’t want to intrude. I should leave,” I mumbled.

“No… No Catherine, please… Elizabeth was speaking about you in the days before she passed, wishing she could see you, talk to you and see how you were holding up at your new job.”

“I have also been thinking about her. I only wish I had come sooner.”

I looked at the photo and stared into her eyes. They were deep and soothing.

“She is so beautiful,” I said admiringly.

“That she is. I am a very lucky man to have had her in my life for so long. I never understood what she saw in me.”

“Edward, no! What’s not to love? You are a true gentleman.”

“Thank you. That is very kind of you to say.”

I sat back and took a deep breath in and out, still in disbelief that she was gone. My mission here seemed irrelevant now. I felt awful being here.

“Tea?”

“Pardon? Oh yes… thank you.”

You’ve got to love the English and their tea.

Edward left the room to make the tea. While he was gone, I studied everything around me. Ornaments, artwork, curtain fabric — everything was so interesting to me. A wedding photo caught my eye. Elizabeth was so beautiful. That was for sure.

“There we are.” Edward placed a silver tray on the table beside me. “How would you like your tea?”

“Black. Thank you.”

“Now, while you have your tea, would you like to see some photos of my darling Elizabeth?” Edward asked, with a sparkle in his eye.

“Yes please, that would be nice.”

From beside his chair on the floor, he picked up an album. It was obvious that he had been going through it over and over again. I took a sip of tea and placed it on the table. I took the album from him. He got up and sat on a chair close by me, longing to see the photos of his adored wife again, probably for the thousandth time. The first few pages were recent photos. I could tell they were taken in Sydney. Seeing the Opera House in the background made me think of home. As I turned the pages, the photos looked older and older, and the people in the photos were getting younger and younger. Edward explained that he and Elizabeth couldn’t have children and had accepted it as God’s will.

There were some black and white wedding photos and Edward could recall the day as if it were yesterday. He then went on to explain that Elizabeth was the only child of a wealthy couple. She had tragically lost her parents when she was very young. I continued to listen to every single word that came out of his mouth. I continued to turn the pages and stopped. A photo of the little girl in my dream was staring straight back at me. I was speechless. I touched the photo with my hand and tried to compose myself.

“Edward? Who is this little girl?” I asked.

“That little girl is my Elizabeth. I think she may have been about four or five I guess. It’s the only photo I have of her at such a young age, so many photos and memories were lost over the years,” he sighed. “Oh, yes, before I forget. I have something for you.” He left the room while I continued to look at the photo, thinking it was impossible.

Could Elizabeth have been dead when I saw her as a child in my dream? Was I dreaming?

My guessing was making it worse for me. I touched the photo and smiled. She was striking and I loved her somehow.

“My apologies. I am an old man now and everything I do takes forever!” he joked.

In his hand was a small package wrapped in brown paper, a straw ribbon tied around it, and a piece of folded paper tucked under the string. He handed it to me and sat down beside me.

“Catherine, just before she passed Elizabeth wanted you to have this.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders. “But it comes with instructions.”

He smiled.

“Everything about my wife came with instructions,” he joked. “Now… she asked me to tell you not to open it right away, somehow she sensed you might come back.”

“When do I open it then? I don’t understand?”

“Either do I, but she said you will know when.”

“Only when I need to then? Ok… I suppose I will wait…” I announced reluctantly.

“Edward, Elizabeth was a very lucky woman to have found you,” I said, as I reached up and kissed him on the cheek.“ I should go; I have a long trip ahead, and I can’t be late,” I said as I rose from my chair.

“Thank you for coming to see me. I feel that I have made Elizabeth happy by seeing you.”

I smiled and started to make my way to the front door. The taxi I had booked was parked out the front. I turned again to Edward, put my arms around him and held onto him tightly for a minute.

“Take care of yourself. I will try and visit you when I am in London again.”

“I look forward to it, Catherine.”

He nodded and smiled as he closed the door. The taxi driver had opened my door and was waiting for me. As I sat in the car, I had so much to think about and didn’t know where to start. I held on to the little package and wondered if I should open it. Going against my nature, I decided not to. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for.

Maybe tonight when I am in James’s room beside him in bed, I will open it?

I was still having trouble coming to terms with the news that Elizabeth was gone. I’m certain it was her in my dream and she was the daughter of the couple that I am always dreaming of. But I still couldn’t work out why I was dreaming of them. My head started to hurt, I felt so empty at the thought of Elizabeth’s death I wish I could have come earlier. The journey back to the hospital seemed shorter. I closed my eyes and rested them for a good while.

When the hospital was in sight, I felt anxious, knowing that I was going to have to lie to Jules. As the taxi approached the front doors, I was horrified to see that she was standing there, looking around nervously. When she spotted me, she pulled out her mobile and started dialling. My face started to burn up.

I was busted, really busted.

She finished her conversation the same moment the taxi came to a halt. I opened the door with a sheepish smile.

“Catherine, Mr Barclay is very upset!”

“Why? What does he know?”

“He knows that you were discharged over four hours ago! I came early so I could help you pack your things. When you weren’t in your room, I spoke to a nurse and she said that you were discharged early this morning. I was confused. Did Mr Barclay get the times wrong? I didn’t know? I called you first but your phone was off, I was worried. So I called Mr Barclay and told him that you were discharged earlier and… well, I could tell that he was furious. I just called him now when I saw you.”

“Oh Jules… I wish you hadn’t called him!”

“Catherine, what is going on? I don’t understand why Mr Barclay is so upset.”

“So, what now?” I said, trying to change the subject.

“Straight to the college… No stop offs… No detours, nothing — those were his strict orders!”

Jules ran around the taxi and hopped in. She obviously couldn’t get to the college quick enough.

“Where were you?”

“London.”

“London?” she repeated still sounding flustered.

“I had to see someone. It was important.”

“Why didn’t you want anyone to know? Why the secrecy?”

“I don’t know. I am so sorry, Jules.”

“Catherine, I am not as dumb as I look. I know something is going on. Everyone is jumpy, secretive, scared. Even Dr Simons! I feel like I am the only one in the dark about something.”

I shook my head in guilt and didn’t answer.

What could I possibly tell her?

The rest of the short trip was spent in silence. Jules was obviously disappointed in me. When we got to the college, I could see James standing at the front, beside him was my luggage.

“No!” I cried.

“What is it?”

“He’s packed my bags!”

“What? No… that can’t be possible,” she said in disbelief as she looked out the window towards James. To her disappointment, she recognised the bags. They were the very ones she slammed against every step leading me up to our rooms on the first day.

“Jules… I don’t want to leave. Please don’t let him do this,” I begged.

James was now holding two bags in his hands, starting to make his way to the taxi. His walk was swift and his face was distraught. The taxi driver got out of the car and met him. He then took the bags from James and placed them into the taxi. Jules opened her door and started to walk towards James. I slowly opened the door and got out. I didn’t move an inch from the car, fearing what James was about to say.

“Mr Barclay is there something wrong?” asked Jules.

“Miss Kent, Catherine will be leaving today.”

“What? No! I won’t allow it!”

“Miss Kent, please go inside,” I heard James say in the most authoritative tone I have ever heard him use with Jules.

James was now just a metre away from me. Jules wasn’t listening to him. She was almost yelling. James looked me straight in the eye. He was moments away from falling apart. I could see it.

“I’m sorry, I can explain,” I pleaded.

“No… I can’t trust you anymore!”

“James, please, forgive me…” I whispered, while the tears were pouring down my face.

“You’re going home. Your ticket is waiting at the airport for you. Leave now, Catherine!”

He turned to the taxi driver and told him to take me to the airport.

Jules was crying and she turned, running back towards the college, calling out for Dr Simons.

“I love you…” I said helplessly.

He didn’t answer; he just opened the door wide enough for me to get back in.

“Don’t ever come back to this country!”

His words were like knives in my heart. James turned around and started to slowly walk away.

“Miss, are you ready?” the taxi driver kept asking.

I sat in my seat, but I didn’t close my door. I needed a minute. I looked around frantically, thinking of something to say or do to fix this. I couldn’t think. The tears continued pouring down my face as I watched James walk away. I wiped my eyes and hung my head low. The package that Elizabeth had left me suddenly caught my eye. It was on the ground. I must have dropped it when I got out of the car. I picked it up and removed the piece of paper that was tucked in under the straw bow. I turned back and to see that James was still walking away slowly.

My dear Catherine,

I wish I could be giving you this in person. This is the only possession I have from my mother. With no one to pass it on to, and for no reasons that I can explain, I feel this now should belong to you.

Yours sincerely,

Elizabeth

I ripped open the package to find a small wooden box. I opened the box anxiously. To my shock, inside the box was a gold chain and locket, but not just any locket. It was the locket in my dream. I pulled it out and looked over to see if James had gone. He was still there. The taxi driver had stopped asking me if I was ready to go. He had now stepped out of the car to close my door. I grabbed the locket and opened it. There was an inscription on the inside. I wiped my tears so I could read what was written. It was in Latin.

“In vita quod nex nos mos nunquam secui…”

I read it again slowly in the hope that I would be able to decipher it.

“In… life… and… death… we will never… part.”

“In life and death we will never part,” I repeated, again and again.

I hit my chest with the locket.

“Are you alright Miss?” the taxi driver asked.

I ignored him. My body went cold and tight. I closed my eyes and held the locket and chain in the palm of my hand, close to my heart. My mouth was wide open and tears were running down my face.

I thought…

And remembered…

And cried…

I cried for the beautiful life I once lived, for the love of my husband. I cried for my little girl, Elizabeth, who was left behind and her pure gentle skin that I can never touch again. I remembered my dreams. They were real. It was us all along.

I then remembered being thrown to the floor while my love was held back and forced to watch. I remembered his tears and screams of promises of vengeance. I remembered the wicked laughter in my killer’s voice as he pulled his knife slowly towards my heart. And as my chest tore open, my love broke free, with fire in his eyes and agony in his heart. He came to me, not to save me, but to die with me. As our lives were destroyed, he whispered in my ear, “in vita quod nex nos mos nunquam secui.”

I remembered… Undying, being born again, crying and screaming as I took my first breath. The way I felt, taking my last breath…

“I remember,” I whispered.

I opened my eyes and time must have stood still. The taxi driver hadn’t moved yet and James was still in sight. With my locket in hand, I opened the taxi door and slowly climbed out. I didn’t seem to have any control over my body.

“I remember!” I tried to yell.

But he didn’t hear.

“I remember!” I tried again, louder now.

But he was still walking away.

“Jonathon!” I yelled with all that was left in me, and fell to my knees.

He stopped walking… He heard his name… He knew that I remembered…

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First and foremost my husband Patrick, I love you. Thank you for all your unwavering support and conviction.

My children Cocab, Raymond and Lamia thank you for all your patience and inspiration, loving you forever.

To Margaret Belcastro, for reading this story so many times with enthusiasm and sincerity, your part in this adventure was valued.

To Pauline Saad my sister, thank you for all your love and support. Particularly our trip to England for “research”.

A special thank you to Peter Williams and Linda Muir and the talented team at Palmer Higgs, your knowledge and guidance was overwhelming. To Joy Childs, you’re amazing! Thank you for all your time and persistence taken with me and my manic emails.

And to my amazing friends who have had to put up with my enthusiasm and matter of urgency. Thank you!

Content

Bernadette Azizi
Undying
Book One

BOOK ONE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS