Tao Lin

Richard Yates

Richard Yates

“I’ve only had the opportunity to hold a hamster once,” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat. “Its paws were so tiny. I think I cried a little.”

“I saw a hamster eating its babies,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I wanted to give it a high-five. But it didn’t know what a high-five is.”

“I would eat my babies if I had some. I don’t have any babies.”

“How old are you?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“16. It’s probably good I don’t have babies.”

“You are not 16. You are like 25.”

“No, I am 16,” said Dakota Fanning. “I drew a hamster on a pink piece of paper today then I threw it on top of a recycling bin full of paper so whenever anybody recycles paper the hamster will look at them and be cute for them.” Haley Joel Osment said that was cute. Dakota Fanning said in real life she didn’t make any faces. She just let her muscles make what they make naturally and every day people said “You look sad, stop it. You don’t have the right to be sad. I’m sad. My parents are divorced. Say something funny.”

Haley Joel Osment said he felt good when he made a sad face.

“My mom saw a package from you and asked if you were a creep,” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat about a week later. “I said you were not a creep. I said you were a graduate of New York University.” Haley Joel Osment said the only purpose of going to New York University was so Dakota Fanning could now tell her mother he was not a creep, but a graduate of New York University. Dakota Fanning said she was going on a field trip to a museum in Manhattan in November and Haley Joel Osment could find her then and sit by her and they could eat together.

“That sounds good,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“November is so far away,” he said.

A few weeks later they talked on the phone for about three hours. Dakota Fanning said she worked at McDonald’s then walked on a bridge and gave a homeless man $20 and told the homeless man she hated her job and walked home and tried to juggle things for fifteen minutes. Haley Joel Osment was lying in the dark on his air mattress in a three-person apartment on Wall Street. His room had no windows. He said he was walking today and noticed he was thinking “Life is stupid. I am stupid.” But it was one sentence not two. Dakota Fanning said that was okay. She said she had a broken violin she was saving because she wanted to smash it but she always said “no, not yet.” When they had nothing to say they were quiet and then said “hi” to each other around forty times.

The next day Haley Joel Osment stood outside the membership library on 76th Street where he worked twenty-five-hours a week and felt sunlight on his face and ate a salad. It was April 25. Haley Joel Osment was 22. After work he rode the 6 train to New York University’s Bobst Library and sat in front of a computer. He wasn’t a student anymore but someone had made a mistake and given him access until 2011. It was 2006. Haley Joel Osment talked to Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat. He went to his apartment. He lay on his air mattress. He read a short story about a severely depressed woman in rural Illinois.

He woke around 2:00 p.m. and showered and put on clothes. He walked into the kitchen listening to music from his iPod through earphones. He was alone in the apartment. He stared at the common room. He once watched a Korean movie with his suitemate in the common room. In the movie a cop accidentally jump-kicked another cop. The movie was about a serial killer. “I feel bored of life,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “Or wait. I don’t know. Never mind.” He went to Whole Foods and put avocado sushi and coconut water and a container of fruit in his duffle bag and walked to Karen’s and bought organic iced coffee and walked to Bobst Library. “I’m not sure if you should come Friday,” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat. “My mom is going to think you’re going to rape me or something.”

“Your mom,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I told her you were an autistic vegan and she said ‘autistic vegans can still rape people.’ I told her I felt insulted by that comment.”

“I don’t want to see her. I’m,” said Haley Joel Osment and thought about how he already said more than fifteen times that he was afraid of Dakota Fanning’s mother. “Haley,” he said.

“I don’t think she knows how old you are,” said Dakota Fanning. “The majority of my friends are your age and she doesn’t care. I think she thinks you’re like 35 or something.”

“Why does she think I’ll rape you?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“She thinks everyone on the internet is out to rape everybody.”

“What should I do,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You should rape me out of spite,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I fed eggplant to Aladdin today,” she said about her dog.

“Why don’t you want me to go over?” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m angry.”

“I want you to,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m just afraid. Just come.”

“You delayed me too much. I’m tired. I feel like I already went.”

“Just come please, I will make a papoose,” said Dakota Fanning. “I have eggplant and blueberries. Are you okay with sleeping in a field? We might have to sleep in a field.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Why?”

“So we don’t get attacked by my mom. I just googled papoose and found this.” Dakota Fanning sent a link to an image of an amorphous gray sac.

“Is that you,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I feel pain. I have a migraine.”

“Will you come Friday when you aren’t so sick? I’m afraid the field will make you sicker.”

“Am I really coming?” said Haley Joel Osment. “I am quickly losing interest. Soon we won’t talk anymore. Life is terrible.”

“Come tomorrow,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No, you’re right,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m too sick. Can I come Friday?”

“Yes. I can’t remember if I have the SATs Saturday morning or Sunday morning. I think I have them Saturday. It is Saturday. I just looked. Why are we always fucked. We are fucked. Look at that typo,” said Dakota Fanning about fucked being spelled as fuckexc. “That is how fucked we are. My brother is missing. The lady who electrocutes us just called. She can’t find him. He never came home.” Once a week Dakota Fanning, Dakota Fanning’s brother, Dakota Fanning’s mother went separately to a three-story house where for purposes of lowering depression and anxiety levels someone named Charlene put radiowaves through receptors to make them look like brainwaves and then directed those waves at areas in their brains where there were too many alpha, beta, or delta waves. The procedure was called biofeedback. Dakota Fanning was nervous because it began in the ’80s and the long-term effects were unknown and also she was afraid about never being sad because when she was happy she was annoying and ran around like a child with ADHD and started sentences and didn’t finish them.

“He might have killed himself,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Life is terrible.”

“He gets tired a lot,” said Dakota Fanning. “He might have driven his car off the road and died. He is always tired.”

“You aren’t visiting me,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I am,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You are. When you are.”

“Soon,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Soon.”

“Soon,” said Dakota Fanning.

“It will never happen,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m giving up on life. Even more. Wait. I already did. Even more I am.”

“It will happen,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Something is wrong with me,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m going.” They each said good night. Haley Joel Osment stared at the computer screen. He rode the N train to his apartment. He looked at for-sale flyers on a bulletin board in the laundry room. He stood in an elevator. He boiled organic angel-hair pasta and carried a bowl of it to his room and sat on the floor with organic tomato sauce, olive oil, black pepper. “I fear social interaction,” he thought while eating. “Probably more than anyone I know. More than so many people. Seems ‘surreal,’ like it’s not really true. Talking to Dakota seems ‘surreal,’ because of her level of creativity maybe. It seems fun. I like talking to her. I like her writing.” He walked to the kitchen, picked up a container of organic flaxseeds, walked to his room, put organic flaxseeds on his pasta.

Sunday afternoon Haley Joel Osment rode a train ten minutes from Penn Station to Secaucus and then another train two hours from Secaucus to Dakota Fanning’s town in New Jersey. On the second train he read 110 pages of an Ernest Hemingway biography that said Ernest Hemingway accidentally shot his own legs twice with a gun when he caught a shark while fishing and that in the Spanish Civil War he had a Tommy gun and they were in trouble and he ran into an area and used the Tommy gun and then they were safe. Haley Joel Osment stepped off the train and saw Dakota Fanning walking toward him. She had on rain boots and an oversized black dress and was smiling.

“I am thinking about something,” thought Haley Joel Osment.

“We’ll make jokes,” he thought. “Sometimes we’ll eat food together.”

There were mountains in two directions and Haley Joel Osment pointed at them. He said he sat across from a 90-year-old man on the train and wanted the man to die so he could roll the corpse into a corner.

“What happened?” said Dakota Fanning.

“What do you mean?” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning looked down a little.

“Did he die?” she said grinning.

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “He seemed really old.”

They walked to a playground. “Look at those babies,” said Dakota Fanning about a group of small children by the swings.

A boy was standing alone in the sandbox looking at his feet.

“Why is that one severely depressed?” said Haley Joel Osment.

They went down a slope to a valley containing the Delaware River. Dakota Fanning jumped while going down. “We need to hide the book, it weighs too much,” said Haley Joel Osment and put the Ernest Hemingway biography under a rock. He told Dakota Fanning two stories about Ernest Hemingway.

They sat on a cement slab by the river. In the distance was a steel bridge with cars going in both directions. There were no clouds and it was about seventy degrees. Sometimes it was a little windy. Dakota Fanning was looking at her dress and boots and doing things with her hands. “That’s what I do when I’m nervous,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “I do things with my hands and, like, touch my clothes. I am observing her behavior. Learning.” A button fell off Dakota Fanning’s dress. She took an envelope from her bag and cranberry dental floss from the envelope and used the cranberry dental floss to tie her dress.

“It looks pretty,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“If you didn’t send me the floss I wouldn’t have been able to do that,” said Dakota Fanning.

They walked to Ming Moon and ordered food and sat at one of three tables. Dakota Fanning had said on Gmail chat that she ate here most days after school. It was very bright from sunlight coming through the glass front. At another table a man in an orange shirt stared ahead with an intense facial expression. His food came and he stared at it. “Utensils,” he said. “Fork,” he said loudly. The Ming Moon employees stared at him and then very slowly looked away from him. “Fork,” he said and stood and walked to the forks as two Ming Moon employees walked to the forks. He picked up a fork and sat and ate his food while staring at it. A Ming Moon employee said “Oh, fork” while grinning at another Ming Moon employee. There were five Ming Moon employees. One had a lot of hair on the top of his head and the back of his neck and Dakota Fanning said he looked like a horse and was pretty. One was named Andrew. Dakota Fanning had talked about Andrew on Gmail chat.

“Andrew looks really happy today,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning said Andrew was severely depressed yesterday.

“Why?” said Haley Joel Osment with an amused facial expression.

“I don’t know. He just looked horribly depressed.”

“He’s on antidepressants today,” said Haley Joel Osment and grinned and went to the bathroom then sat by Dakota Fanning so they both faced outside. The town seemed very quiet. Haley Joel Osment pointed at a third-story window across the street and asked if he could live there. Dakota Fanning said he could. Haley Joel Osment said “Thank you.” He said he would sit in the room and make enough money from writing and walk with Dakota Fanning every day by the river. He asked about Dakota Fanning’s brother. Dakota Fanning said her brother went to college and had a nervous breakdown and stayed in a mental hospital then came home and now made $11 an hour driving cars. Dakota Fanning said her brother mostly stayed in his room after work with the door closed but sometimes went to his friend’s house to do drugs.

“I thought he didn’t have friends,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I think he has one friend,” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment asked if she was finished eating and she said she was. “You didn’t eat that much,” he said and saw that Dakota Fanning had a shy facial expression. He ate the rest of the vegetables and white rice and they left Ming Moon and walked onto the steel bridge. The man in the orange shirt was on the other side of the bridge walking in the opposite direction, toward Ming Moon, with a serious facial expression. “Take his picture,” said Haley Joel Osment in an excited voice. Dakota Fanning photographed the man using a disposable camera she bought for today. “Where is he going?” said Haley Joel Osment. “He looks so confused.” Dakota Fanning said she had never seen the man. She said the man was out-of-control. Haley Joel Osment was grinning very hard. “He’s just on a small, one-day rampage,” said Dakota Fanning grinning. “He’s good.”

They went to a ledge about twenty-five feet above the Delaware River and sat with their backs against a stone wall. They showed each other photos on their cell phones and talked about getting an inflatable raft to use in the river. They talked about people they both knew on the internet. A crane landed on an inlet in the river and moved its neck and made a loud noise. Dakota Fanning laughed and the crane flew away. “Maybe I will touch her soon,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “Do it now. I could move my arm somewhere. I could move my shoulder to her shoulder maybe.” They put their legs out straight. Dakota Fanning photographed their legs. Haley Joel Osment photographed Dakota Fanning. Across the river were four or five children.

Haley Joel Osment screamed a bad word at them.

He encouraged Dakota Fanning to scream a bad word.

She was quiet and then shouted “Cocksucker.”

“That was stupid,” she said. “I feel embarrassed.”

“That was good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I didn’t expect that at all.” He screamed another bad word and a child on the other side screamed “Shut the fuck up.” Haley Joel Osment screamed “Sorry.” The child screamed “Fucking retards.”

“I think they’re older than 8 or 9,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Preschoolers probably say ‘fucking retards’ now,” said Dakota Fanning.

“That’s funny,” said Haley Joel Osment grinning.

A few minutes later he screamed “I like your red shirt” and the boy in a red shirt looked up instantly. No one else looked up. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning left the ledge and walked into a residential area. Haley Joel Osment said he felt calm and happy here. He said he would kill himself by walking in front of a bus if he went back to New York City. His train was leaving in about fifty minutes. Dakota Fanning said he could hide in her room. “Your mom,” said Haley Joel Osment. Dakota Fanning said her mom wouldn’t know. Haley Joel Osment said he was afraid. Dakota Fanning stepped in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders and looked at his eyes with a confident facial expression. Haley Joel Osment thought about turning his shoulders to get away from the situation. “It’s okay, I think, just focus on something,” he thought. “She’s different suddenly, power is shifting or something. I feel scared. Just focus on what she’s saying.” Dakota Fanning stayed in the same position and said a plan and said “Everything will be okay, okay?” and Haley Joel Osment said “Okay” and they continued walking. Dakota Fanning pointed at a house and said the person who lived there didn’t have to go to school anymore because of severe depression. She talked about other people in her town who didn’t have to go to school because they were severely depressed. She knew of three. She said she was severely depressed and still had to go to school. Haley Joel Osment said she needed to attempt suicide. Dakota Fanning said the other people didn’t attempt suicide. Haley Joel Osment said she needed to be on antidepressant medication maybe. Haley Joel Osment said “Why is everyone here fucked?” He said this was the best place to live because it had fucked people and great weather. He said the town should advertise itself as “fucked people, great weather.”

About an hour later it was dark out and Dakota Fanning went in her house. Haley Joel Osment stood on the street one block away. The plan was she would call him when her mother was in bed watching TV and then come outside and bring him in.

Haley Joel Osment walked on the street thinking “Dakota said she sleeps naked and her mother is afraid of seeing her naked and so never opens her door at night.” Haley Joel Osment knew Dakota Fanning had been involved with older men before and had run away to see one of them and that her mother had threatened to tell the police to arrest the man and then the police had found Dakota Fanning in Philadelphia and Dakota Fanning’s father had said “I wish this would all just go away.” When Haley Joel Osment thought about Dakota Fanning’s father he saw a normal-looking man sitting on the edge of a bed in the morning, standing in an office with a neutral facial expression, walking to his apartment at night, walking into his bedroom, quietly closing the door, screaming in agony, brushing his teeth, sleeping.

Haley Joel Osment looked at his cell phone. “Walking,” he thought. “Waiting,” he thought. A house had its front door open and inside was a yellow light and people who were eating dinner. Haley Joel Osment imagined either someone running in the house on an insane killing rampage or else someone running out of the house on an insane killing rampage. He walked by an SUV. People in the SUV were watching a movie. They seemed to be Hispanic. Haley Joel Osment felt a little confused. He walked on the street listening to music from his iPod. “Here I am,” he thought. “Hispanic,” he thought and his cell phone vibrated.

Dakota Fanning came outside wearing pants and a shirt.

Haley Joel Osment followed her upstairs into her room. It was very dark.

She turned on a string of blue Christmas lights that were on one wall.

On the other walls were drawings, posters of bands, photos of Dakota Fanning and other people. “These are Dakota Fanning’s friends, and maybe family,” thought Haley Joel Osment. There were maybe fifteen glass cylinders on the floor by an electric guitar. Dakota Fanning said they were candles she had got off eBay and used and that she was saving the empty cylinders because they looked pretty.

They sat on her futon bed that was about seven inches high.

Dakota Fanning asked if Haley Joel Osment wanted music. He said he did and she put on music. He lay on the bed and covered his face with a blanket. They listened to “Tripped” by Neva Dinova which Haley Joel Osment had emailed to Dakota Fanning a few weeks ago saying it was one of his favorite songs. He moved his arm in the air and Dakota Fanning touched his hand. He held her body and they listened to another song.

One tear left her eye and he licked it.

“I licked your tear,” he said.

“It was a small tear,” she said.

“It was salty,” he said.

They left her house to hide somewhere until her mother was asleep. “I don’t want to go back to New York City,” said Haley Joel Osment on the street. “I mean forever. I’m being serious.”

“What about your roommates?” said Dakota Fanning.

“What do you mean?” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning was quiet a few seconds.

“Will they be worried if you’re not there tonight?” she said.

“No. I only see one of them. We see each other like twice a week for forty-five seconds. He probably won’t notice. I don’t know. I don’t think he cares. We are adults. We can choose what we want to do, with our lives.” Dakota Fanning grinned and said “What are you going to do?” Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t know and grinned. They talked about living on a field or maybe the ledge. Haley Joel Osment said he would be too afraid to sleep on the ledge because he might roll into the Delaware River. They ran holding hands across a street. They went in a twenty-four-hour grocery store called Price Chopper. They stood in front of a gas station called Taco Palace and held each other under a very tall streetlamp next to a highway. Haley Joel Osment stared into the distance at a homeless center Dakota Fanning had said closed a few months ago because it was attracting too many homeless people to the area. “I don’t know,” he thought. “I think we’re holding each other like this so we can’t see each other and don’t have to do anything. We don’t know what to do. I should decide something and do it. I feel like she is thinking the same things I am.”

They walked to Dakota Fanning’s house.

Around 2:00 a.m. their heads and bodies were under blankets with their lips touching but not kissing. Haley Joel Osment stared at Dakota Fanning’s face. After a few minutes she kissed him with dry lips. He licked her lips and kissed her. The windows were up because Haley Joel Osment was allergic to cat hairs. Dakota Fanning usually did not put her windows up.

Dakota Fanning’s mother opened the door. “For God’s sakes Dakota,” she said.

Haley Joel Osment scratched Dakota Fanning’s back with a finger that was already there.

“Put down those windows,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother. “It’s freezing in here.”

“Put down those windows now,” she said.

“No, just let me have them up,” said Dakota Fanning. “Hearing the cars go by on the street helps me sleep.”

“That’s funny,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “Clever.”

“Just go away,” said Dakota Fanning. “Please.”

Haley Joel Osment heard Dakota Fanning’s mother say “I can’t reach that one” and make weak struggling noises. Dakota Fanning’s mother left the room closing the door. Haley Joel Osment moved away from Dakota Fanning until he was off the bed a little. He said Dakota Fanning’s mother didn’t knock. Dakota Fanning said her mother never knocked. Haley Joel Osment said he was afraid. “Come here,” said Dakota Fanning and pulled Haley Joel Osment and he moved toward her and stood and walked into the closet and closed the door. He felt a little clever. Dakota Fanning told him to come out.

He came out and lay on the bed putting a blanket over himself.

“You said she didn’t come in at night,” he said.

“She doesn’t. It was because the windows were up and cold air got in the house.”

“What if she comes back?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“She won’t,” said Dakota Fanning. “It was just the cold air.”

“Do you regret coming here?” she said with a worried facial expression. Haley Joel Osment said he did not. Dakota Fanning covered her face with her hands. Haley Joel Osment pulled her hands off her face while grinning. Dakota Fanning hugged him very hard. They held each other under blankets. She twitched sometimes. She made small noises. Haley Joel Osment wasn’t sure if she was crying or dreaming. After some time he felt himself wake and asked if she was asleep and she said “A little” and he woke her and asked what time it was and she looked and said “Shit” and left the room. She came in and said it was safe and he went in the hallway, quietly walked down the stairs, ran for about six minutes, sat in the train.

One week later he visited again. They ate at Ming Moon and walked three miles to McDonald’s to visit Kailey who Dakota Fanning had said was her best friend. There was a pagoda by McDonald’s and Dakota Fanning said she used to go there alone on her break and sit and stare for twenty minutes. She said one time she didn’t want to work anymore so she hit herself until she was bleeding but when she went back no one said anything about the blood on her face. Kailey came outside and said her shift wasn’t over yet. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning sat in the backseat of Kailey’s car. Dakota Fanning put a CD in the car’s CD player and her head on Haley Joel Osment’s shoulder. She said last summer Kailey’s mother left Kailey and Kailey’s sisters alone in the house for five months while she went to Alabama to marry a 23-year-old from the internet. She said Kailey’s mother was 40 and worked at Wal-Mart and was living with an 18-year-old co-worker.

Kailey drove Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning to the ledge and said “What are you going to do?” Dakota Fanning said “Probably just sit on the ledge or sit in Price Chopper.” It was around midnight. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning sat on the ledge then walked through a residential area, a parking lot of school buses, a field and arrived at Price Chopper. They sat in booths and watched the Price Chopper TV. “We ain’t playing around,” said a gang member on TV. “This isn’t baseball.” The gang member grinned.

Dakota Fanning put her head on the table and slept. Haley Joel Osment looked at her and sometimes touched her hair. He woke her around 3:00 a.m. “Let’s walk around,” he said. “Okay,” she said. They walked through the produce area. They walked through the cereal aisle. They sat on a bench in the eye solution area and Dakota Fanning slept with her head on Haley Joel Osment’s lap. Haley Joel Osment photographed the side of her face with her digital camera. He put the camera in her bag. He petted her hair and looked across the aisle at contact lens solutions. He saw the brand he used. He saw other brands. “I feel awake,” he thought. “I feel alone maybe. I’m glad I’m here. I feel far from New York City. Seems exciting, like I have freedom. I feel adventurous maybe.” Around 5:30 a.m. they were in a booth again. Dakota Fanning was asleep with her head on the table. Haley Joel Osment held her and looked at things. He went to the opposite seat and lay and slept. He woke and saw Dakota Fanning’s head under the table with a shy facial expression asking if he was okay. It was around 6:45 a.m. They left Price Chopper. They walked over the field onto the parking lot of school buses. Dakota Fanning called home and told her mother she already left for school. Her mother said she wanted new clothes but couldn’t afford them. Dakota Fanning told her mother to steal clothes by putting them in her mouth. Haley Joel Osment heard Dakota Fanning’s mother laugh then say she was leaving for work. “You told her to put clothes in her mouth,” he said. “That was good. She laughed. She likes you.”

At Dakota Fanning’s house they slept in Dakota Fanning’s bed until around 2:30 p.m. then went to her mother’s room and lay on a king-size bed and watched a movie about a man locked in a room for fifteen years who after being released becomes romantically involved with a woman he doesn’t know is his daughter. Dakota Fanning was asleep after about thirty minutes. Haley Joel Osment held her and thought “She lost interest in me, it’s over, I’ll go back to doing things alone in the library every day” but when she woke they kissed and she loosened his belt and did something to his penis with her mouth and about ten minutes later walking to the train he thought “She wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t want to see me again.”

On Gmail chat the next day Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t know where to live when his lease ended August 1. It was May 15. “Don’t go to Florida,” said Dakota Fanning. “I want to see you.” Haley Joel Osment asked if he could move to her town. “Yes,” said Dakota Fanning.

“When,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Now. Right now.”

“But you aren’t finding me an apartment.”

“I’m looking online now. I can only find things in places like Middletown. I want you to come here. But I don’t know where. I wish you could just live in my house. My head hurts.”

“Mine hurts,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“We need to hit them together for a little bit,” said Dakota Fanning. “To fix it. I’m tired. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel tired.” Haley Joel Osment said he was afraid of his supervisor at the membership library because a few days ago she saw him using a computer when he was supposed to be shelving books and then lectured him in front of three other workers in a way that made it seem like he had been caught masturbating onto books or something. “We should just disappear,” said Dakota Fanning. “Once in middle school I got made fun of so badly I just left and walked all the way home. No one even noticed. It was great.”

“My face feels sad,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Come visit me.”

“I want to just skip school tomorrow and come but I only have $2. Maybe Kailey will lend me money. She has like $1,600.”

“Skip school and come. Please.”

“I’ll come Thursday. Is that okay?”

“I work Thursday,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Shit,” said Dakota Fanning. “My dad is coming Wednesday. And I work Friday. Can’t you just call out Thursday?”

“I already called out Monday. Is today Monday. I called out Saturday.”

“I’ll skip school Wednesday,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’ll be there at 9:55. Then leave at like 3:50. Is that okay.”

“Yes. Are you coming.”

“Yes. If Kailey lends me money.”

“I’m happier,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Let’s buy a squid from Chinatown. And put a dress on it.”

“Are they still alive,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I don’t know. We can release it into the ocean.”

“I want to buy an erhu from Chinatown,” said Dakota Fanning.

“What’s erhu,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Chinese fiddle,” said Dakota Fanning.

The next morning on the train to 76th Street Haley Joel Osment went outside the station at 34th Street and called the library leaving a message then went to Bobst Library and emailed Dakota Fanning that he quit his job. “I called and said I wasn’t coming in today and that yesterday was my last day and for them to mail me my check,” said the email. “Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Happy. Good.” The next morning he met Dakota Fanning at Penn Station and they walked to Union Square and went in bookstores and ate at Whole Foods. “I’m home,” she said on Gmail chat that night. “My mom lectured me for like 5 minutes. My dad just stood there. I’m tired.”

“Lectured about what,” said Haley Joel Osment. “She knew you didn’t go to school?”

“The school calls. I told her I was depressed so I climbed a mountain. She believed me. She said I was a stupid asshole and could have died and not been found for years. She is leaving Friday. She won’t be home until Sunday.”

Saturday on the train to Wall Street Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning stood holding a pole and he stared at different parts of her face. On his bed they were kissing and they removed some clothing. Dakota Fanning said it was okay. Haley Joel Osment said something about a baby.

“It’s okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “Just pull out.”

They finished having sex. Dakota Fanning said she could only get pregnant at certain times. She said something about her period. Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t know that much about those things. He said he would google “vagina” to learn more. They were on a queen-size mattress on top of a twin-size mattress. Haley Joel Osment had paid someone moving out of the building $30 for both mattresses. His air mattress was deflated in a closet. “Do you like the tunnels?” he said about his new bed after they each showered.

“Yes, they look good,” said Dakota Fanning. “I was wondering about that when you told me you got two mattresses and one was bigger.”

“We should hide in them,” said Haley Joel Osment and tried to crawl into one and didn’t fit and grinned.

In Union Square they saw a large baby in a stroller. The baby was maybe 2. The baby was barking. Haley Joel Osment said “It’s barking” and they followed it a little.

They went to a restaurant called Congee Village. They saw honeydew melon juice on the menu and Dakota Fanning said she wanted it. There was a large group of people at another table. One person was playing an action game on a laptop computer with a serious facial expression. Dakota Fanning said the person was good. Haley Joel Osment asked in an amused voice why the person brought a laptop computer to dinner with friends. Dakota Fanning said the person’s friends were probably assholes. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning ate for about fifteen minutes without talking. “Are we bored, we seem bored maybe,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “She isn’t getting what she wants. The melon juice. Why didn’t she order it? Should I order it?”

Outside they talked about the melon juice.

“It’s okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “We’ll get it next time.”

“We can get it next time,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Is that okay?”

“Yes, don’t worry. We’ll just get it next time.”

They hugged and Haley Joel Osment said “Honey-dew.”

In the morning he made a toasted peanut butter and flaxseed sandwich for Dakota Fanning while she was showering. He felt excited while making it and calm and alert while watching her eat it. They photographed each other on his apartment building’s roof then went to St. Mark’s Bookshop and stood on the sidewalk giving people pieces of computer paper that said “behead Tim Fenton” in all capital letters. Tim Fenton was the president of McDonald’s in Asia, Pacific, Middle East, Africa. A middle-aged man walked toward Dakota Fanning in a way like he wanted a piece of paper. Dakota Fanning looked at Haley Joel Osment with a nervous facial expression. Haley Joel Osment grinned. The man walked away without a piece of paper.

On Gmail chat a few days later Dakota Fanning said she was drinking a giant glass of orange juice. “I need to stop,” she said. “The baby is getting too many nutrients.”

“I want to pet my baby,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Have it now.”

“It’s dying. You can’t have it.”

“Pregnant,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“We are fucked,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Home abortion kit,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning said she would just starve herself. She said a lot of people took vitamin C supplements to induce miscarriage. She said something about jumping off her roof.

“Hit your stomach,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Babies are good,” said Dakota Fanning. “That baby barked.”

“I want that baby,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“That was a good baby. It was lazy.”

“It barked,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It barks the parents into submission,” said Dakota Fanning.

“It knows how to use sound waves to confuse the parents’ sense of balance,” said Haley Joel Osment. “And logic. At home it probably flies around like a bat and laughs at the parents.”

“I want my baby to beat me into submission with a salmon,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I want a baby to drive a garbage truck into my house over my bed when I’m sleeping,” said Haley Joel Osment.

The next day after school Pedro drove Dakota Fanning to a clinic where she underwent a pregnancy test. Pedro was 19 and sexually attracted to men and used to drag Dakota Fanning up and down stairs in his house for fun. On Gmail chat Dakota Fanning said she could use birth control pills or get a shot in her ass every three months. She said Haley Joel Osment could just keep pulling out and she wouldn’t get pregnant. She said “There’s only one day that I can get pregnant on and there is like two sperm in pre-cum so if you keep pulling out in time it’s okay.”

“Pre-cum,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Pre-cum,” said Dakota Fanning.

“There’s only one day you can get pregnant,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Pre-cum.”

“Yes, one day. Except when I’m ovulating and I know when it happens.”

“I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Tell Pedro to make all our decisions for us.”

“Okay. I’ll ask him when he comes back.”

“We will never raft in the river,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Yes we will,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Okay, good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I did 70 pushups.”

“I can only do like 6 push-ups. I feel embarrassed.”

“I want to throw you. Were you very skinny before.”

“I was,” said Dakota Fanning. “I gained like 25 pounds. I want you to throw me. I will get skinny again. Ming Moon made me chubby. I’m going to sue Ming Moon for making me chubby.” She said she was applying for a job at an ice cream place and a fireworks place and as a wedding photographer’s assistant. She had quit McDonald’s. Haley Joel Osment said he had a friend in high school who was paid $3,000 a month to play bass guitar in a band. Dakota Fanning said if she hadn’t fucked up she could play violin for money. She said she used to be good on violin. She said she needed to stop fucking up. Haley Joel Osment said he would help her stop fucking up. “I just need to start eating regular meals again,” she said. “Now I only eat one meal a day and then sleep right after I eat so I don’t exercise after I eat and my digestive system is fucked. That’s why I gained weight I think.”

“Just walk and drink Edensoy,” said Haley Joel Osment. “When I see the Edensoy box I feel alive and better than my roommate.”

“I laughed,” said Dakota Fanning.

“My roommate drinks the other kind,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You need to live here,” said Dakota Fanning. “When I am around you I eat better and walk more. I lost like 6 pounds in 4 days. When I’m alone I just eat rice.”

Haley Joel Osment said he felt bad when he ate bad things.

“I’m going to fast tomorrow,” said Dakota Fanning. “I fasted for 5 days once and could have gone longer but on the fifth day I was reading a poem on the toilet and I laughed and shit black leakage.”

“Black leakage,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I wonder what it was exactly,” he said.

“I feel shitty all the time,” said Dakota Fanning. “Feed me vitamins.”

“Do you want me to steal and send vitamins?”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No baby,” she text-messaged a few days later. “Victory.”

Saturday around 3:30 p.m. Haley Joel Osment met Dakota Fanning at Penn Station. She had told her mother she was going to New York City with Pedro and Pedro’s mother. She was wearing a black wide-brimmed hat and had cut her hair very short. In Barnes & Noble Haley Joel Osment walked to different areas thinking “Where is she, she disappeared.” He saw her on the second floor. “Let’s go,” she said walking toward him.

“Did you steal?” said Haley Joel Osment outside.

Dakota Fanning had stolen a Richard Yates novel and a Daniel Clowes comic.

They ate dinner at Zen Palate by Union Square then stood outside on the sidewalk. Dakota Fanning wanted to go to Haley Joel Osment’s apartment. “I want to read my new comic book,” she said. Haley Joel Osment made a noise. He said he didn’t want to do that. Dakota Fanning said she felt bloated and wanted to go back to the apartment. Haley Joel Osment looked at the cars on the street. “We are entering the next phase of our relationship,” he thought slowly while staring at the lights on the cars. “It’ll be okay probably. It’ll just be different.” An image of something was in his head and he tried to discern it but it wasn’t there anymore and they began walking toward his apartment.

“Can we take the subway?” said Dakota Fanning.

They rode a train to Haley Joel Osment’s apartment.

In the morning Haley Joel Osment wouldn’t leave his bed. He was lying on his back in boxer shorts. “Pull me,” he said with his eyes closed. Dakota Fanning tried then said “I’m going to rape you” and sat on him and began to rape him and then they had sex.

“You raped me,” said Haley Joel Osment. “We’re even now.”

“You raped me like ten times,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Oh yeah.” A few days ago Haley Joel Osment read on the internet that the age of consent was 16 in New Jersey and 17 in New York. He knew Dakota Fanning had done things with a 26-year-old and a 28-year-old and no one had gone to jail. He knew someone who was in jail and they did ten minutes of work a day picking up cigarette stubs. The person was not ass-raped, cut with a knife, or beaten. The person was Haley Joel Osment’s father and Haley Joel Osment knew from his mother that twice when she visited him he had leaned back in his chair and looked into the distance and said that life in jail was good. Haley Joel Osment would go to jail if he had to and be calm about it maybe. “I don’t want to go to jail,” he thought. “But I don’t want to do a lot of things. My life doesn’t matter.” He and Dakota Fanning wrestled a little and fell off the bed and lay on each other a few minutes then showered and stood in his room putting on clothes.

“Let’s do our plan,” he said about going to Angelika Film Center, watching Lemming, walking to American Apparel, stealing dresses, eating porridge at Congee Village, going to Penn Station.

About fifteen minutes into Lemming a man kneeled by a bed and woke his wife and said something in French. The subtitles said “I think it’s a kind of hamster.” Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning laughed. “They should end the movie now and have the screen say ‘lemming,’ ” said Haley Joel Osment grinning at Dakota Fanning in the dark.

At American Apparel Dakota Fanning carried eight dresses into the dressing room. The dresses were not the right size. Haley Joel Osment left the dressing room and returned with eight dresses of the right size. They put the eight right-sized dresses into Dakota Fanning’s bag and Haley Joel Osment left American Apparel with the bag. Dakota Fanning left the dressing room and put the eight dresses of the wrong size on the rack and left American Apparel.

“They’re going to notice,” said Haley Joel Osment walking quickly. “It seems like they can’t not notice. Do you think they’ll send the police?”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m going back to New Jersey. They’ll search for a skinny boy and a girl in a black dress.”

“Change into one of the dresses. The red one.”

“Okay. I’ll change at the restaurant.”

They calculated they had stolen around $250 worth of dresses. They talked about going to all the American Apparels in New York City to steal $2,000 of things a day as their job. Haley Joel Osment said he was jealous. “You have all those dresses,” he said. “I have nothing.”

“I’ll steal you clothes later,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No you won’t,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I have nothing,” he said in a loud voice and grinned.

At Congee Village Dakota Fanning changed into the red dress. “You look good,” said Haley Joel Osment and touched her thigh and shoulder. He said he didn’t have money. He went outside to find an ATM. He walked a few minutes and found no ATM. He ran across a street into a deli and said “Do you have an ATM?” They did not. It was very sunny outside. Haley Joel Osment was sweating. “I don’t know,” he thought. “I should be able to find an ATM.” He walked across two streets. He saw an ATM. He entered his PIN and cash left the ATM and he calmly moved it into his pants pocket. He walked and ran to the restaurant with a neutral facial expression. Dakota Fanning was eating porridge. Haley Joel Osment said they would need to use a taxi to get to Penn Station in time. He sat. His porridge was very warm. Dakota Fanning used soy sauce. Haley Joel Osment used soy sauce and hot chili sauce. He drank water. “We’re not talking because I’m not talking,” he thought in the taxi looking out his window. “But I feel like I’ll say something soon. And then we’ll be okay again.” The sidewalk and store windows were sometimes shaded by trees. They were somewhere in Greenwich Village. Haley Joel Osment thought that after Dakota Fanning left he would go to the library to work on things. It was Sunday. Dakota Fanning had school tomorrow. “I feel good,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “My life seems good.”

At Penn Station they sat against a wall and photographed themselves kissing. Haley Joel Osment walked about thirty feet away and photographed Dakota Fanning. He walked closer and photographed her again. He walked closer and photographed her again. He walked closer and hugged her and they went downstairs to the train and held each other until the train began to make noises. Dakota Fanning went in the train. They looked at each other’s eyes until they couldn’t see them anymore.

The next day Haley Joel Osment read an email from Dakota Fanning that said “I told my mom the dresses were cheap knock-offs and I got them for $3 each off a street vendor and she believed me. She wasn’t suspicious at all.” The email talked about selling clothes from the ’50s and ’60s on eBay and buying a computer. It talked about an $800-a-month apartment. It talked about making $5,000 over the summer so she wouldn’t need a job senior year. “Once I get a real job we’ll never see each other again,” said the email. “I’ll be working 40 hours a week. I don’t want to work. If you move here we could work at Wendy’s together. It would be funny. I wasted my whole lunch period typing about money and computers. I feel terrible. College. Fuck. I have to present Hemingway tomorrow. I have a math final tomorrow. I am fucked. I got a 60 on the practice final. I am very fucked. It’s hot here. I couldn’t sleep last night because it was so hot. I smell cookies and rice. I want rice. I want to fall asleep in a pile of cold rice. Shit. The bell just rang. I want to fall asleep in a pile of cold rice.”

“$800 for all those rooms is good,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email. “There has to be somewhere where it’s less with no living room. I don’t care about the location. It can be an island on a river and I have to live with a crane family and use my air mattress to get there each day. That’s fine. Find me an apartment. At Whole Foods today an obese black cop followed me around a little but I escaped. There were two cops there today. They wore cop uniforms instead of the security ones. It felt like a video game.”

That night on Gmail chat Haley Joel Osment said he was going to cry if Dakota Fanning didn’t find him an apartment. “I will look,” said Dakota Fanning. “There’s one that’s $650 a month. But it’s a dump. It’s diseased. You cannot live there. I will not let you live there.”

“Find me one. Anywhere. It doesn’t have to be near you.”

“I know. The one I saw wasn’t by me. I will find you one. Shut the fuck up.”

“Do it,” said Haley Joel Osment. “You didn’t accomplish anything.”

“Yes I did. I got you clothes today. I got you pants and a shirt.”

“Thank you,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Bring me them.”

“I will mail them. In a big box. There is a giant dying animal in my backyard making a very loud noise that can be heard throughout the whole house even with the windows closed. I think it’s a frog but my mom says it’s a distressed bird. It’s definitely a frog croaking. She is stupid.”

“I just felt a buzzing near my crotch,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s in the garden,” said Dakota Fanning. “The pants are 30-inch waist, is that wrong? I just guessed.”

“That’s about right. When are you coming.”

“I don’t know. I can’t for a while. You have to come here. I don’t have any money. You have to come here.”

“Alright,” said Haley Joel Osment. “When.”

“Whenever you want. I finish school next week. Come before that.”

“Tell me exactly when. I’m not a decision maker. I’m a person.”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I have to plan. It’s hard to find apartments or houses here. Everyone wants to move here. After 9/11 the New York Times wrote an article about moving here.”

“There are 80 towns by you,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“No there aren’t,” said Dakota Fanning. “There’s two. There is a small house for sale by the park. That’s all I saw so far.” Haley Joel Osment said “I want to put a Wal-Mart shirt on an emu” and stared at what he typed. “How much does it cost,” he said.

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I’ll sell my kidney,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s probably cheap,” said Dakota Fanning. “It’s small. Shit. I just looked it up. It’s expensive. Why is it so expensive? $179,000.” Haley Joel Osment said he would ask his publisher for $179,000. He said he would write one novel a month for 179 months. A few months ago he was paid cash daily as an assistant to an actor starting a luxury charter-jet business. Each day he sat in the actor’s bedroom in TriBeCa typing descriptions for jets, resizing images in Photoshop, updating the actor’s IMDb information. During this time he was sometimes eating dinner with a 26-year-old copy-writer and then sleeping in her apartment on the Lower East Side with their clothes on. Haley Joel Osment saw the 26-year-old less when he met Dakota Fanning on the internet in late March. When the actor’s website was completed Haley Joel Osment applied at the membership library on 76th Street. Sometimes the actor emailed Haley Joel Osment instructions to update his IMDb profile and sent a $50 bill in the mail. Haley Joel Osment currently had about $800 in his checking account. “Write me the 179-novel contract,” he said. “Find me an apartment.”

“I’m looking online right now,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Thank you. I feel sad like I’m going to cry. I’m going to cry on my keyboard.”

“I stole you green pants and a shirt with bright green stripes that are the same color as the dress I’m wearing now,” said Dakota Fanning. “I saw this heart monitor for pregnant women. It’s expensive. But I think I can steal it. I want to listen to our hearts.”

“Thank you. Come to my reading July 20.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “My birthday is July 22. I don’t know when I can come back. You will have to come here for a while. Until July maybe. I don’t know. I’m going to have a job soon. I’m fucked.”

“I’m alone,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m alone.”

“Me too,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I am more alone than you. My cell phone broke. I sit alone in my room. There is no way to communicate with me.”

“You have a phone in your apartment,” said Dakota Fanning. “It’s impossible for me to stop being obese. Even if I exercise I am still obese.”

“Why are you obese?”

“Birth control,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Take vitamins in the morning. And green tea.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning.

“And walk. Drink Edensoy instead of juice. And move your arm around when you’re watching a movie. And climb mountains.”

“Caffeine makes me feel strange and uncomfortable,” said Dakota Fanning. “I think of caffeine and think ‘that isn’t good.’ I don’t have any money. I’m tired. I’m leaving. Good night.”

“I went to a record store with Kailey and Pedro last night,” said Dakota Fanning the next afternoon on Gmail chat. “I say I’m going to shit myself like every 5 minutes when I’m with them. They make me want to shit myself.”

“I’m jealous,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I didn’t hear that too much.”

“I refrained because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I said it in my head a lot. On the subway. When I was standing with that pole.”

“You were standing with me,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Not a pole. You forgot it was me. In your memory it’s just the pole.”

“You are a pole,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Your mom’s bed is like a mountain,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s a very big bed,” said Dakota Fanning. “Some kid in my chemistry class told this cheerleader that everyone picks their nose and she almost cried. I was confused. She was so upset.” Haley Joel Osment typed twenty-three dollar signs, twelve dashes, eleven dollar signs, twenty-six open-parenthetical symbols and said he wanted to eat something that looked like that. He said whenever he saw more than two things together he immediately thought “Look at that pile of crap.” They made plans for him to visit again. “My heart is beating,” he said. “That I might be late.”

“Mine too,” said Dakota Fanning. “Don’t be. We were late. You can do it. You have to think hard. And make sticky notes. And stick them to your face.” The last time Haley Joel Osment visited Dakota Fanning he had missed the train at Penn Station and rode the next train a few hours later and then Dakota Fanning had been late to meet him on the train platform.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I need to be early. I need to camp out there.”

Dakota Fanning said she slapped his bare ass the last time she visited. Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t have an ass. Dakota Fanning said she wanted to cut her ass off and sell it in a Japanese supermarket wrapped in plastic on a foam dish. “I feel so tired,” she said. “I want to press a tea kettle of boiling water to my clit.”

Haley Joel Osment said he wanted to funnel boiling water into his brain.

“That would be good,” said Dakota Fanning. “I just thought of Bono and felt suicidal.”

Haley Joel Osment said he was afraid of missing the train.

“If you miss the train again I’m going to shit myself,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I’m going to miss it. I feel like I can’t not miss it,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I got electrocuted today,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Sizzling hot,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m going to be very sleepy tomorrow.”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m always very sleepy the day after electrocution. I won’t be able to do anything but lay.”

“Now what,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Drink coffee.”

“That won’t work. I can’t come pick you up tomorrow. I’m going to be sleepy. Just walk to my house and come in and go upstairs and go to my room and look at me being sleepy and laying and then sit on top of me and hit me.”

“You aren’t picking me up,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m not coming.”

“I will pick you up. I’ll build a board with wheels. And wheel myself. Board and wheels.”

“Think about hamster ass,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Your brain will generate power. It works. Think about hamster ass shaking and sweating.”

“I can’t move. I should go. I need to sleep as much as I can so I won’t be as dizzy and sleepy tomorrow.”

“Good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Okay.”

“You are coming tomorrow,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I am coming tomorrow,” said Haley Joel Osment.

In his room he closed his eyes and thought about Dakota Fanning and other people. He orgasmed into toilet paper. He carried the toilet paper to the bathroom and put it in the toilet. He peed into the toilet. He flushed the toilet. He washed his hands. He washed his face. He went to his room and read a few sentences from different books. He ate dark chocolate. He showered and did twenty-five push-ups and turned off the light.

In Bobst Library in the morning he looked at things on the internet while sometimes thinking “what the hell is this” or “what the fuck are you talking about” in a quiet monotone without emotion. He sat in a train at Penn Station. He sat in a train at Secaucus. He stepped off the train in Dakota Fanning’s town. He stood on the platform and saw no Dakota Fanning. He thought about meaninglessness. He felt meaningless. Life was meaningless. He thought about acceptance a little. He focused on acceptance. He felt calm.

After a few minutes he called Dakota Fanning saying he was here.

The next day around 3:30 p.m. they were on her bed and Kailey and Mallory were downstairs. Mallory was Kailey’s 20-year-old sister. “Tell them they can come in here and look at me and then leave,” said Haley Joel Osment. Dakota Fanning laughed and said “Okay” and went downstairs and returned with Mallory who looked at Haley Joel Osment and threw a lollipop on the bed.

“Thank you for the lollipop,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“We came here to see you,” said Mallory. “Get up.”

“You saw me,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Let’s go eat,” said Mallory. “We came all the way here to meet you.”

“You met me,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Mallory said something else and Haley Joel Osment stood and they went to Mallory’s car. Haley Joel Osment sat with Dakota Fanning in the backseat and looked out his window. He felt sunlight on his face and arms. He thought about asking what band’s music was playing. They passed Taco Palace and the homeless center and parked in front of an Italian restaurant and went in and were served pasta in giant bowls with olive oil and bread. Haley Joel Osment ate half his pasta. Mallory ate half her pasta. Kailey and Dakota Fanning ate all their pasta and a few pieces of garlic bread. “I feel meaningless here,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “That is so much food being eaten. Seems funny. I feel detached. I’ll just go back to being alone in the library every day.”

In the parking lot he walked toward a small tree to pull it from the ground.

Dakota Fanning held him and petted him and said “That is bad, don’t do that” while grinning.

“Now what,” said Haley Joel Osment a few days later on Gmail chat. “Come June 8,” said Dakota Fanning. It was May 31. Haley Joel Osment said June 8 was too far away. “I won’t last that long,” he said. Dakota Fanning said to come tonight on the 11:54 train. She said she would skip school tomorrow. “Come tonight or I’m killing myself,” she said.

“Come here,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I can’t. I don’t have any money. And Pedro is gone I think. I don’t have anywhere to say I’m staying at. I don’t ever go to Kat’s,” said Dakota Fanning about her friend who lived about thirty minutes away.

“Now what,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Please come,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I don’t want to see your friends. Your mom will come home.”

“You won’t. My mom doesn’t go in my room. We can leave and come back later.”

“We can leave,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Where.”

“Anywhere,” said Dakota Fanning. “Just walk.”

“You never want to. You say you’re tired.”

“I will,” said Dakota Fanning. “We walk. We walk all the time.”

“Walk with me to the ledge.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “We will.”

“Ledge sex,” said Haley Joel Osment. “When.”

“At night. We can go tonight. When I come to pick you up.”

“Will we really go,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Wear a glow-in-the-dark dress.”

“I don’t have one. I’m wearing bright orange.”

Haley Joel Osment said “Okay” and that he was going to finish answering interview questions someone had emailed him. He finished and emailed the interview to Dakota Fanning who said the answers were good. He said he had to change computers and would be back in four minutes. He walked to a different computer and sat and listened to a song through earphones. He walked to the bathroom. He splashed water on his face. He dried his hands and face and walked to the computer and sat.

“You lied,” said Dakota Fanning. “That wasn’t 4 minutes.”

“Sorry. I’m fragile. Don’t say I lied too much.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m sorry.”

“Now what,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning said “11:54.” She said tape man was calling her right now. Tape man was a person Dakota Fanning met on the internet when she ordered his chapbook. Tape man called every night and had plans to visit Dakota Fanning in the summer. Dakota Fanning didn’t like tape man anymore and was afraid of him visiting. Tape man had sent Dakota Fanning a tape recorder to record herself reading her poems for him to masturbate to while listening. Tape man was 21 and lived in Minnesota.

“He has renewed obsession with you,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“He is going to call back in like 5 minutes. I’m afraid. I picked up by accident yesterday. I said hello 3 times then hung up.”

“Am I coming?” said Haley Joel Osment. “Tomorrow is Thursday. I need to be back Friday 1:00 p.m. to have lunch with my publisher.”

“Okay. You are coming. You will be back before Friday.”

“Wear a slutty dress and sit on the ledge with me.”

“My dress is slutty,” said Dakota Fanning. “And bright orange.”

“Should I come,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What happened last time I came. Was it good. I forgot.”

“It was until my friends came. But it got better after they left. We watched the piano teacher stab herself and then you choked me a lot. You can take the 9:27 p.m. train back home Thursday. It’s hot here. I don’t have air conditioning. It’s terrible. You will be hot hiding under the white blanket.”

“I shouldn’t come then?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“No you should. You don’t want to come.”

“I do. Will I go to jail if your mom catches me.”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’ll just choke her.”

“Will I go to jail. Would she do that.”

Dakota Fanning said she didn’t think so. Haley Joel Osment asked what would happen. Dakota Fanning said she didn’t know. “Neither of us cares if we go to jail,” she said. “So why are we talking about it.” Haley Joel Osment said she was right. He said he was just curious. “Should I come,” he said.

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You were late last time. I was sad. I thought ‘she is late.’ ”

“Your train was like 8 minutes early,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Oh,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You called me and said it was here and I was like ‘oh, it’s early.’ Late at night I think it moves faster because less people get on and off. I will be on time.”

“Drink green tea so you won’t fall asleep,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I sneezed and my friend made fun of me today in chemistry. He stared at me. And then pet my head.” Haley Joel Osment thought about Dakota Fanning’s friend. “Drink the entire green tea,” he said.

“I’ll drink like half,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I need to leave now if I want to make it.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “Leave.”

“When am I getting there.”

“2:32,” said Dakota Fanning.

“My phone is broken. How will I know you’re there.”

“I will be there. Stop worrying. I’m going to shower.”

“I’m coming,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Ledge. Don’t be tired.”

“I won’t,” said Dakota Fanning. “I napped. I napped 4 hours.”

Haley Joel Osment went to his apartment and showered. On the train to New Jersey he drew animals and read an Ann Beattie short story that alluded to Ernest Hemingway. He lay on his back across two seats and listened to music. He stepped off the train and walked in different directions on the platform. He stopped walking. He looked at the timetables. He looked at other things. He stood without moving. He saw Dakota Fanning in the distance. She was smiling. “She is happy to see me or nervous she’s late or probably both,” thought Haley Joel Osment.

“Have you been waiting long?” she said.

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

They walked a few minutes holding hands without talking then stopped. Haley Joel Osment gave Dakota Fanning the things he drew on the train. “Thank you,” said Dakota Fanning and gave Haley Joel Osment a bookmark she made that had octopi and squid on it. They walked across the steel bridge. They stopped at an intersection. They stood apart looking at the ground. Haley Joel Osment kicked things on the ground. There were pebbles and pieces of concrete.

“Where should we go?” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment was quiet a few seconds.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I thought we were going to the ledge.”

“Mosquitoes will bite me,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Let’s go to the ledge. I’ll cover your arms and legs.”

“Mosquitoes will bite me,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Mosquitoes go where there’s light. It’s dark there.”

Dakota Fanning said she had been there at night and there were many mosquitoes. They walked toward Price Chopper holding hands. Large houses and tall trees were on either side of the road. It was around 3:00 a.m. Dakota Fanning pointed at a house and said it was where her brother went to do drugs. Haley Joel Osment made a small noise. He stared ahead and didn’t think about anything. After a few minutes he focused on his life and then asked if Dakota Fanning found him an apartment yet. She said she rode her bike yesterday and looked at newspapers and didn’t find anything but would keep looking and would probably find something soon.

“Keep looking,” said Haley Joel Osment in a monotone.

They walked onto the parking lot of school buses.

Haley Joel Osment said he wanted to sit in a school bus. Dakota Fanning said that was bad. Haley Joel Osment moved toward a school bus. Dakota Fanning said “No” while grinning and pulled him away from the bus and said “That’s bad.” She said the cops here were insane because people sometimes slashed the bus tires so they wouldn’t have to go to school. “Come on,” said Haley Joel Osment. “It will be okay.” He walked to a bus. Dakota Fanning walked away. Haley Joel Osment stepped onto the bus. He stared at the bus seats. He imagined a zombie or homeless person suddenly appearing. He stepped off the bus and put in earphones. He walked on the side of a street. He walked onto the field. He looked across the field at the parking lot of school buses. He walked on a string while looking down and making both feet walk on the string. He thought about walking to the train platform. If he left now he would not see Dakota Fanning again. “We would probably just never speak to each other again,” he thought. “It would be funny. I would write a short story about us. I would just work on the short story every day.” He thought about the periods of loneliness in his life. There was a period of loneliness in high school, a period of loneliness in college, a second period of loneliness in college, a period of loneliness after college. He walked about fifty feet in each direction to pieces of wood at the ends of the string and stepped on the wood. He focused on walking on the string and forgot about other things. Sometimes he thought “I will probably remember this for a long time.” He sat on a picnic bench on the field. He had an image of putting his head facedown on his arms like he did in high school to sleep during class. He felt very awake. He thought about walking to the train platform. If he did that he would probably never see Dakota Fanning again. He knew he already thought this but did not remember what decision he had made. He walked in different directions on the field for about fifteen minutes then toward Price Chopper where he thought Dakota Fanning probably went. He saw her walking toward him. He removed his earphones while walking toward her with a neutral facial expression.

“I tried to catch a toad for you,” she said grinning.

He felt himself walking toward her calmly.

“The toad squeaked,” she said. “It got away.”

He held her for about twenty seconds in a way that they couldn’t see each other’s faces. She said “The toad squeaked” and they walked to Price Chopper. They walked one time around the inside perimeter without talking and then to her house. On her bed one of them sometimes touched the other a little, stopping when the other did not reciprocate, until Haley Joel Osment was asleep.

In the morning he went downstairs in boxer shorts and a T-shirt and opened a closet and ate what Dakota Fanning had said was her brother’s cereal. Dakota Fanning was at school. Her brother was at work driving cars. Her mother was at work forty minutes away. The cereal was large pieces of wheat. Haley Joel Osment showered upstairs in Dakota Fanning’s mother’s bathroom. In Dakota Fanning’s room he found a shoebox of letters and envelopes from tape man. He read the letters. He saw a Charles Bukowski poem handwritten on an envelope and read a few lines. He chose a comic book from a stack on Dakota Fanning’s dresser and lay stomach down on her bed and read for about an hour. He looked at her clock and continued reading but with less attention. After a few minutes he heard the front door open and close. He felt himself smiling. He tried to make his smile smaller and it changed into a grin. Dakota Fanning came in the room grinning and they hugged standing on her bed. “Her grin seems like my grin,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “Uncontrollable or something.”

Around 6:30 p.m. Haley Joel Osment was under blankets reading Ghost World. Dakota Fanning’s mother was downstairs where the TV was on very loud. Dakota Fanning went downstairs and returned with a bowl of pasta and one fork. They sat on her bed alternating eating the pasta while looking at each other. Haley Joel Osment said it was good. About an hour later they were having sex and Dakota Fanning said “Wait” and they stopped moving. Haley Joel Osment was on top of her on her bed. “Never mind,” she said. Haley Joel Osment wasn’t moving. “Keep going,” said Dakota Fanning. “Your mom,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’ll hear if she comes upstairs,” said Dakota Fanning. They finished having sex. About twenty seconds later they heard Dakota Fanning’s mother already upstairs. Haley Joel Osment pulled blankets over himself. Dakota Fanning’s mother opened the door. “Napping?” she said. “Tired?”

“I’m taking a nap,” said Dakota Fanning.

“There’s potatoes on the stove.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning.

Dakota Fanning’s mother said the potatoes were organic. She talked about olive oil and how she prepared the potatoes. “Well, I’ll let you nap,” she said and closed the door.

“She could have come in when we were having sex,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning had a vaguely neutral facial expression.

“When I was on top of you, having sex with you,” said Haley Joel Osment and stared at her face until she grinned. “I don’t know why we didn’t hear her coming up the stairs,” she said with a distracted facial expression.

“She probably saw me and is waiting for me to leave so she can yell at you,” said Haley Joel Osment. “It seems like she should have seen me. The police are probably coming right now.”

“She would just start screaming at me if she saw you.”

“Are you sure?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning. “Maybe she would wait.”

“I kept telling them to give me money,” said Haley Joel Osment on Gmail chat the next night about his meeting with his publisher earlier that day. “With $2,000 I can move to New Jersey. You won’t find me an apartment though.”

“I will,” said Dakota Fanning.

“On the train they canceled it and made everyone get off. We all had to walk to the other trains. Everyone was pissed. And they had like 15 cops standing there. To stop people from having a riot.”

“Fuck New York City,” said Dakota Fanning. “You have to move.”

Haley Joel Osment said his cell phone was fixed and that he got $150 worth of books from his publisher. He said they should go there together next time to get more books.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I have a big bag. I’m coming Friday I think.”

“Come Friday,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay. I want to sell everything I own.”

“I have like 400 books,” said Haley Joel Osment. “And a coin collection. I have a coin collection.”

“Coin collection,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m selling my brother. I’m selling my brother to your brother.”

“I’ll email my brother,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I interviewed my dad once,” said Dakota Fanning. “I just remembered. It was funny. I recorded it with my camera. I asked him stupid questions and he just talked about how he only likes the Grand Canyon and how he’s sick of my mom bitching about money because he doesn’t care. It was good.”

“Why did he marry her,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know. I think they were happy until they had kids.”

“They weren’t happy,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know. My mom said that once.”

“She lied,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know. They were really young. And stupid. Well my mom was. And they were depressed. So they just got married and walked around in the woods together.”

“Did your dad get married before? How old was he?”

“No. He was like 29 or something. My mom was 19. She left home when she was 18 and never went to college because her parents were abusive and depressed. She probably just married him for support because she didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“That’s worse than us,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“My dad only had like one girlfriend his whole life I think before my mom. He was like 17 or something.”

“Your dad is good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I want to be his friend.”

“If I watch a movie and someone says ‘fuck’ and he comes in he says ‘this isn’t for kids’ and then walks away,” said Dakota Fanning. “I don’t say anything, he just leaves. It’s funny.” Haley Joel Osment stared at what Dakota Fanning typed and felt confused. “My dad does that,” he thought. “And I told her before. I told her my dad says ‘this isn’t for kids.’ Or I put it in a short story or something. I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

“I think he said it to my mom once,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I wish you were 8 years old,” she said. “Why aren’t you 8?”

“Why do you wish that,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I want to be your friend but you be 8 years old.”

“I’m hurt,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m hurt.”

“I’m laughing. I hurt your feelings.”

“You hurt my feelings,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I wish you were the girl in the ballerina photo,” he said about a photo of Dakota Fanning when she was a small child.

“I want a small Haley to kick,” said Dakota Fanning. “I want you to be small and 8 and I want to kick you in my backyard and then laugh and pick you up and hug you and say ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.’ ”

“I want to dig a hole and put you in it,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Be the girl in the ballerina photo,” he said. “Stop being obese.”

Dakota Fanning said she saw a movie where a dad choked his daughter and buried her in a hole. Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t like movies. He said Lemming should be twenty minutes. Dakota Fanning said they should edit Lemming to five minutes. “Just the scene with the lemmings all over the floor and the guy falling,” she said.

“The scene where he takes the lemming out,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Then end when he says ‘a kind of hamster.’ And then a prologue of the house exploding. That’s the epilogue. Wait. Epilogue is end.” They talked some more but slower because Haley Joel Osment was focusing more on other things on his computer screen. “I’m selling things,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m selling things at the flea market. I need to go gather things now. I’m selling things. I have to put it in boxes. I’m going to make $500.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Bye,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Green tea,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Bye.”

A few hours later Dakota Fanning came online and said “You ate all my nut bars and squished a banana on my floor.”

Haley Joel Osment said they were his nut bars.

“You gave them to me,” said Dakota Fanning.

“They’re my nut bars,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“The banana was squished. There was banana squish on the floor.”

“I fell on it,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” said Dakota Fanning. “I put my hand in it when I went to grab something. I thought it was dog vomit and felt afraid.” Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t know if he fell on it. He said the banana squished itself from depression. Dakota Fanning said she felt terrible. She said her ribs felt sore. Haley Joel Osment said it felt like his heart had worms in it. “My queen bed is good,” he said. “It talks. It says the word white repeatedly. Do you believe me.”

“No,” said Dakota Fanning. “I want to stab your queen bed. I’m going to stab it with my face. Fuck everyone. I hate everything. I’m confused.”

Haley Joel Osment typed a word that combined three bad words.

“Go away,” said Dakota Fanning. “I don’t like you.”

“Okay. I’ll replace you with the fish,” said Haley Joel Osment about a giant fish they had looked at from the steel bridge.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I want to fight you,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You would win. You are stronger.”

“I want to manhandle you,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Across a river. Into a trashcan.”

“Don’t say manhandle. Just hit my face with a rock.”

Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t know what to do. Dakota Fanning said she didn’t either. “Come,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Friday,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I won’t last that long,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What should I do,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Just come tomorrow.”.

“Money,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You can find $16. Sell books or CDs to stores.”

“I don’t know what to tell my mom.”

“Tell her you’re coming to see me.”

“She’ll call the police. If she goes to Goshen tomorrow I’ll be able to tell her I’m going to Kat’s.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What’s Goshen.”

“Where her family is. She usually goes there on the weekend. I think the 5:30 train is the only one on Saturday.”

Haley Joel Osment made a typo that said hkpo;;.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I will be there at 7:55 tomorrow.”

“What are you telling your mom,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Kat’s house. She’ll keep asking questions because she knows I hate Kat. It might not work.” Dakota Fanning called later saying her mother wasn’t going to Goshen. “I’m just going to go to sleep,” she said.

The next morning she called around 10:30 a.m. asking Haley Joel Osment to visit. Haley Joel Osment was asleep. He woke and said some things then slept until around 3:30 p.m. In the shower he thought about organic fair-trade vegan chocolate nut bars he had been stealing from Whole Foods every day. He dried himself and put on clothes. He went to Bobst Library and read an email from Dakota Fanning that said “The kid next to me just told the librarian to ‘shut the fuck up, bitch ass’ after she told him and his friends to be quiet.” Dakota Fanning was online. “When am I coming,” she said on Gmail chat.

“Friday,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I don’t know. I want to go there now.”

“Okay. Come tomorrow. It’s a good temperature today. It’s cool. I sneezed.”

“I should have come this morning,” said Haley Joel Osment. “You didn’t convince me. You said ‘you don’t have to.’ That always makes the other person say they don’t want to.”

“You sounded like you didn’t want to. I didn’t want to make you come if you didn’t feel like it.”

“I just woke up,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I was confused. I thought it was 10:30 p.m.”

“You made a stupid excuse. Stupid excuses mean you’re not interested.”

“What excuse did I say. I kept thinking of sweating for 3 hours hiding from your mom.”

“You said you didn’t want to come all that way to leave so soon but I’ve come to visit you and had to leave earlier than what time you would have left today.”

“I know. I was confused. I just woke up.”

“It’s okay,” said Dakota Fanning.

“My brother emailed me,” said Haley Joel Osment. “He wants to pay me money to live in Connecticut for two weeks to potty train his and his girlfriend’s French bulldog Babo.”

“Babo,” said Dakota Fanning. “When.”

“I don’t know. My brother is in Hawaii.”

“Where in Connecticut?” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t know. Dakota Fanning said she was probably killing herself Friday by jumping off Haley Joel Osment’s roof. Haley Joel Osment said she could kill herself now by going to the train tracks. She said the trains didn’t go fast enough. “If you put your neck where the wheel goes it’ll just cut your head off,” said Haley Joel Osment. Dakota Fanning said she didn’t think that would happen. Haley Joel Osment said if she jumped off his roof she might bounce against the wall and land on her feet. She said his building was flat and she wouldn’t bounce. She said “A small boy just fell on his bike outside my house and I laughed and the window was open and he looked around looking sad because he heard me laugh.” She said the train schedules changed and she hoped she could leave school early enough to make the 11:30 a.m. train Friday.

“Stop making stupid excuses,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’ll be at school,” said Dakota Fanning. “I can’t leave earlier asshole.”

“You can leave earlier. Stop making asshole excuses. I feel like I’m talking to my asshole. I’m about to say something,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Where there is a will there is a way,” he said.

“Haley. I can’t leave earlier than when I get home from school. Stop being stupid. I don’t have a car. I have to leave when the bus leaves.”

“You can leave,” said Haley Joel Osment. “You can walk.”

Dakota Fanning said she was probably killing herself within the next few days.

Later they decided Haley Joel Osment would visit her using the 11:54 p.m. train Wednesday. He would hide in her room that night and the next night and in the morning they would go to New York City together. “Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,” said Dakota Fanning. “That’s a long time. I’m not killing myself anymore. This is good.”

“We don’t need to kill ourselves,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Not yet. Good. Postponed.”

Wednesday night Haley Joel Osment sat on his bed playing drums with his hands on his thighs. He stood and moved things. He sat on his bed. He looked at his cell phone. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door. He looked at his head and face from different angles in the mirror. He photographed himself a few times with his cell phone. He looked at the photos. He sent one to Dakota Fanning. He went to Penn Station. In New Jersey he stood on the train platform and saw no Dakota Fanning. He walked very slowly on the platform a few minutes listening to music through earphones. He walked toward Dakota Fanning’s house. He thought about his previous visit when she was late and he wanted to kiss her in a school bus and feel afraid together and she didn’t want to and he walked on the field listening to “Sweet Avenue” by Jets to Brazil while thinking about leaving New Jersey and never seeing her again. He walked in an irrelevant direction. He walked toward her house. He called her cell phone. “Shit,” she said. “I fell asleep. I’m coming.”

“Sorry,” she said on the steel bridge.

He hugged her and didn’t say anything. She looked at his face with a worried facial expression. He held her head to his chest so she couldn’t see his face and they walked to her house without talking.

Friday morning they ran to the train platform and sat in the train. The ticket-taker looked at Haley Joel Osment’s facial expression and said “You got here, didn’t you?” Haley Joel Osment read a book he didn’t like then lay and slept.

At Secaucus they transferred to the wrong train. They arrived in Hoboken. Dakota Fanning kept her headphones on and they walked with about fifteen feet between them. At the ticket machines she looked at Haley Joel Osment with a shy facial expression. He walked to her and helped her buy a ticket for the PATH train.

In the morning she woke before him. “Where are your keys?” she said. He began to get up. She said she needed to go somewhere by herself. “Why?” said Haley Joel Osment. Dakota Fanning asked where the keys were. Haley Joel Osment told her and asked where she was going. She said for a walk. Haley Joel Osment stared at her from the bed in the dark. “Okay,” he said and slept. He woke and saw her smiling. She said she stole underwear and deodorant from Duane Reade and saw the mayor of New York speak. The mayor kept talking about September 11 and also saying “on this day” and it confused her because it made her think it was September 11. It was June 10. She said she wanted to scream “Terrorism is good.”

Haley Joel Osment showered and they left the apartment.

At a grocery store Dakota Fanning stole green tea pomegranate juice and Haley Joel Osment stole organic cherry tomatoes. They walked outside and saw a strange-looking store. It was another grocery store. They went in and stole a salad. On the sidewalk Haley Joel Osment said “Look at this salad, doesn’t it look pretty?” He stopped walking and photographed it with his cell phone.

At Whole Foods they walked away from each other. After about ten minutes he found her in the chocolate aisle and said “Let’s go” and saw her holding two chocolate bars. He went outside and sat on the sidewalk eating stolen avocado sushi. His cell phone vibrated. He stared at it. He pushed a button. “Where are you?” said Dakota Fanning.

“Outside,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Where?” said Dakota Fanning.

“Outside the entrance.”

“Come to the corner where we passed the mango lady.”

“What?” said Haley Joel Osment. “Just come to the entrance”

“Where are you?” said Dakota Fanning. “I got caught.”

“What happened? Come here.”

“Come here,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Where are you?”

“On the corner,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment and walked to the corner. “They made me sign something,” said Dakota Fanning grinning. “They took my picture. It was fun.” Haley Joel Osment began walking toward Penn Station. “You’re stupid,” he said after a few seconds. “What did you sign?”

“They made me put my address. I put your address. I said I was from New Jersey. They said ‘who are you staying with?’ I said ‘a friend.’ They said to put that address.”

“Why did you put my address?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It doesn’t matter. They don’t know your apartment number.”

“I don’t care,” said Haley Joel Osment. “You’re supposed to lie no matter what. I’m going to get caught and put your mom’s name. Email me your social security number.” Dakota Fanning said her social security number out loud. Haley Joel Osment repeated it and she said it was wrong. He said some more numbers out loud, all wrong. She asked for his social security number. He said he didn’t say his social security number out loud to anyone who asked. “There were like 200 photos,” said Dakota Fanning about the security room in Whole Foods. “They all looked good. They were all hippies or Asians.”

“Asians,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Why Asians?”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I told the lady she should put all the photos in a book and sell the book. I said she would be rich. She laughed.”

At Penn Station Haley Joel Osment stared at the display waiting for it to say which terminal the train was leaving from. They walked to the terminal. They stood in line. Haley Joel Osment felt Dakota Fanning looking at him with a worried facial expression. He looked at her with a bored facial expression and thought “Gazing at her indifferently” and looked away. She touched him and he did not reciprocate.

They went downstairs to the train.

“Bye,” said Haley Joel Osment and went upstairs without waiting for a response.

The next day in Bobst Library Haley Joel Osment emailed Dakota Fanning that he was going to potty train his brother’s dog in Connecticut for money. He said he didn’t have much money left and didn’t know where to live when his lease ended.

“When are you leaving?” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat that night.

“Tomorrow morning,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I feel terrible,” said Dakota Fanning.

“So do I,” said Haley Joel Osment

“I’m coming to see you tonight,” said Dakota Fanning. “I don’t care how long I have to walk or if I only get to see you for like 5 minutes. I feel like shit. I just cleaned out my entire house in an hour so I can get out.”

“Get out,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I am. I stole more money. She already said I could leave.”

“Get out of what,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Here. I am going somewhere tonight. If you don’t want to see me I’m okay with that. But I am going somewhere.” Haley Joel Osment asked where. “I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’ll probably go to New Haven and just walk around.”

“Oh,” said Haley Joel Osment and looked at his hands.

“I’m thinking,” he said after about thirty seconds.

“I think we’re fucked,” he said after a few minutes. “What do you think.”

“I don’t know. The last two days I felt like I was bothering you. I feel terrible.”

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment. “You annoyed me by not meeting me. Things like that get worse over time. And by being sleepy all the time. And by being obese. I don’t think you will change. People don’t change.” Haley Joel Osment looked nervously at the computer screen feeling his fingers on the keyboard. “Are you hurt,” he said. “Things like this only get worse over time.”

“I was expecting this,” said Dakota Fanning. “I am hurt.”

“I feel terrible,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Things like this just get worse over time. I don’t know.”

“I cried so much last night,” said Dakota Fanning. “I knew this was going to happen. I’ve been trying to not be obese. I lost 10 pounds already. I finally started taking the vitamins.” She said she could fix things. She said she used to be thin. She said a number and said she used to weigh that number. She said it wasn’t like she was trying to change into something she had never been. She said she worked hard today to get money for the train and spent forty-five minutes printing out maps so she could find Haley Joel Osment in Connecticut.

“When I say something like this usually the relationship is over,” said Haley Joel Osment. “It probably has to be so from the beginning no one has to change. I don’t know.”

“I fucked up,” said Dakota Fanning. “I always fuck up. I have fucked up everything in my life. I have nothing left now. The first time you met me was the only time in my life where I felt happy. I know that sounds melodramatic but it is true.” Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t know what she was thinking most of the time. He said he was always nervous he would be late to meet her. He said he didn’t know if she ever felt nervous about things like that. He said it seemed like she just thought about things like getting chocolate and eating it. “Are you angry at me,” he said.

“Of course I’m not angry. Why would I be angry. I fucked up. I hurt you. I was thinking ‘I can’t be late. I can’t be late. He will never talk to me again. I am fucked. I am fucked. I am going to be late. I am going to fuck everything up.’ I knew this would happen. You asked me once if I liked myself and I said no. And you said I was lying. But I wasn’t.”

“You don’t like other people either,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What do you like then.”

“I don’t know. You are the only person who can make me happy. I fucked up.”

“You’re just going to get angry at me if I keep saying things,” said Haley Joel Osment. “You haven’t changed since you met me. You just cared less over time. Which is normal from what I’ve seen. At first you would be early and meet me. Then have excuses. Then say things and not do them. And say you don’t want to be obese. But eat more obesely than I do. And say you want me to send you things and tell you what to do. But not use them when I send them and not do what I tell you.” He said some more things then said “I was more worried than you that you were not going to meet me at the train.”

“I started the vitamins,” said Dakota Fanning. “I told you that I always do what I say. It just takes me longer. I’m not angry at you.”

“People are assholes,” said Haley Joel Osment. “You’re going to be angry at me. I think obese people are assholes, they take up more room. Taking up room is stupid. Eating more. People should eat less. And not take up room. And always do what they say. I can’t comprehend how a person can be late.”

“I’m not angry at you. I will never be angry at you. I’m only angry at myself.”

“I can’t comprehend how people can be late or obese,” said Haley Joel Osment. “If you are obese that means you have given up on life. But a person in a relationship has not given up on life. And if you are late that means you like something else, not the person you were late to meet. It doesn’t mean that necessarily, but it means that to the other person, if the other person doesn’t block out that it happened. It’s hard to block out things like that when all I ever talk about is that all humans are assholes.”

“I’m sorry. I felt like shit when you called me and I realized I had fallen asleep. I cried when I ran to get you.”

“I felt stupid,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I was going to go home when I was in the field by the buses. You probably think I don’t know how hard you’re trying. You need to just look at your actions, not how hard you think you’re trying.”

“Okay, I wasn’t trying hard. Okay. I wasn’t trying hard. I kept telling myself I needed to try harder but I didn’t do it. Now I’ve lost you and I’m fucked. So I’m panicking.”

Dakota Fanning said she could fix things.

“You are my best friend,” she said. “Please.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Do whatever you want. I’ll keep seeing you until I can’t anymore. Not as a favor. I like you. It’ll be shitty probably.”

“Please,” said Dakota Fanning. “When you completely hate me, and never want to see me again, tell me.” She said she wanted to see him tonight. “You should see me later this week,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m leaving at 9:30 a.m. My brother wants me to read a potty training book before tomorrow.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I will come later this week.”

“Did you read Housetraining for Dummies yet?” said Haley Joel Osment’s brother in his girlfriend’s apartment in Connecticut the next afternoon. “No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I didn’t get it yet.” His brother moved a pillow and picked up Housetraining for Dummies and said “You have to read it tonight.”

“You should just get a robot dog,” said Haley Joel Osment. “That’s what you really want.”

“No,” said his brother with a calm facial expression.

Haley Joel Osment said something about housetraining.

“Stop crying,” said his brother walking away.

In the morning Haley Joel Osment showered and walked into the living room in boxer shorts. “Put on pants,” said his brother with an angry facial expression. “Now.” Haley Joel Osment made an angry facial expression and put on pants. His brother and brother’s girlfriend left for work. Haley Joel Osment was alone in the apartment. He went to his brother’s girlfriend’s computer and talked to Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat. “I have to go take the dog to shit,” he said around 10:00 a.m. “I’ll be back. Depending on if it shits.” He took Babo to a caged-in area in the parking garage and stared at it for about ten minutes, sometimes saying “potty, potty.”

“It didn’t shit,” he said on Gmail chat.

Dakota Fanning said she watched an hour-long documentary about driver ants. She said they were blind and went on killing rampages. She said they built bridges out of themselves and sometimes ate each other. She said some more things about driver ants. “She seems really focused on ants, not on me, or something,” thought Haley Joel Osment feeling a little confused.

“Ants are the only good thing in the world,” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment asked if driver ants could eat a shark.

“Only if it washed up on shore. They can’t swim.”

“Can they eat Bruce Lee,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“If he didn’t struggle, yes,” said Dakota Fanning.

“If he only did front rolls. In an enclosed area.”

“Yes, then. I think they could eat him. The largest colony ever recorded was 20 million ants. 20 million ants could eat Bruce Lee I think.”

“I don’t think so,” said Haley Joel Osment. “One front roll can kill 2,000 ants. So he just needs to do 200,000 front rolls I think.”

“The pain would weaken him too much. 200,000 front rolls is a lot even for Bruce Lee.”

“He can do one a second,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“At first maybe but as the pain got worse he would slow down I think. They can climb into his ears and start destroying his brain too. Front rolls can’t stop the ants from climbing into his brain.”

“Bruce Lee can flex his ear to crush the ants. Did you watch the Bruce Lee biography movie.”

“No, I didn’t,” said Dakota Fanning.

“He broke his neck and recovered and dictated a book to his wife while doing therapy in the moon thing that spins you around,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“He wrote the book while he was spinning? That’s good.”

“Let’s watch the Bruce Lee biography movie.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning.

“They keep using high-pitched voices to the dog,” said Haley Joel Osment. “They’re making me use the high-pitched voice. When I walk the dog I only just stare at the ass. I want to shit on the floor and say it was the dog. But the shit will be as long as the dog.” Dakota Fanning wasn’t responding. “I slept on the sofa,” said Haley Joel Osment. “The dog is an asshole,” he said. “My mom just called,” said Dakota Fanning. “She asked if I threw away anything sentimental and I said ‘no, you’re retarded.’ Instead of saying ‘bye’ I said ‘books’ because I wasn’t paying attention and she said ‘what’ and hung up. Her voice hurts my ears. I just sit there and stare and then mumble things that don’t make sense until she hangs up.”

“I feel insane and strange,” said Haley Joel Osment. “There is a hurricane I think. I saw it on TV.”

“It’s called Alberto,” said Dakota Fanning.

“The dog is making noises,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I should take it to shit now.”

That night Haley Joel Osment was alone in the apartment talking to Julia on Gmail chat. Julia was 28 and married and lived in Georgia. She was friends with an editor of a magazine that had published Haley Joel Osment’s poetry. Haley Joel Osment’s cell phone vibrated. It was Dakota Fanning. Haley Joel Osment moved his cell phone to his ear. Dakota Fanning said her mother found out about him by reading a blog post’s comments section where he had said things about his first visit to New Jersey including when they screamed bad words across the Delaware River. “I think she knows you’ve stayed here overnight and that you’re 22,” said Dakota Fanning. “She already googled you a lot I think.”

“What’s going to happen?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know. I can’t leave here. She won’t let me leave.”

“Is she calling the police?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“No, I don’t think she will. I have to go. She’s here.”

“I don’t know what to say,” said Haley Joel Osment on Gmail chat to Julia. He said Dakota Fanning’s mother found out about him. He said Dakota Fanning was banned from the internet. “Oh no,” said Julia. “What is her mother saying, that Dakota is forbidden to contact you?”

“I don’t know. She believes everyone on the internet is a rapist.”

“Would it help for you to get in touch with the mother? Tell her you are a nice boy and not a rapist. Go kidnap Dakota. I want to help. I like a good scheme. Where is the dad?”

“The dad is good. Should I tell you these things? I’m confused.”

“It’s okay to tell me,” said Julia.

“Should I though,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“That’s the least of your problems,” said Julia.

“Yes you should,” she said. “I am your friend, don’t worry.”

“The dad is depressed,” said Haley Joel Osment. “He lives in Albany. They separated but he visits sometimes. He wanted to start an earthworm farm in the basement and Dakota’s mother got angry at him. Dakota’s mother referred to him as ‘suicidal.’ ”

“Can Dakota live with him?” said Julia.

“No. He said he doesn’t want any responsibility of taking care of Dakota.”

“Many dads are depressed,” said Julia.

“Dakota said her mom said ‘why doesn’t anyone in this family have emotions?’ Everyone in her family is depressed except the mom.”

“That’s why the mom is insane,” said Julia. “If you aren’t depressed you’re insane.”

The next morning Haley Joel Osment took Babo to pee, put Babo in his pen by the kitchen, left the apartment, sat in a bus going to New York City, looked out the window. “Yes,” he thought a little vaguely and then text-messaged Dakota Fanning that her mother could call him if she wanted to talk about anything. At Bobst Library he emailed his brother that he didn’t want to potty train Babo anymore and was sorry for leaving without telling anyone. “I don’t want to be the cause of a robot dog,” said the email. “And you are superstitious. You believe there is a magical difference between boxer shorts and normal shorts. It’s annoying to be lectured on things like that. Also I can’t wake up so early. That isn’t your fault.” Around 10:30 p.m. Haley Joel Osment’s cell phone vibrated from an unknown number. He stood from his computer and walked into a hallway. He pushed a button on his cell phone. “This is Dakota’s mother. I appreciate your willingness to speak to me. Do you know how old my daughter is?”

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment. “16.”

“She is 16. She is still in high school.”

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I know.”

“You did things that are illegal. Do you know that?”

“I’m not sure,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I don’t think so.”

“You had sex with a minor. You can go to jail. If Dakota goes to New York City again I am going to call the police. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“How often do you and Dakota speak?”

“Every day,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“And you talk through, what, instant messenger?”

“Yes. Gmail chat. Sometimes on the phone.”

“Is it a true friendship? Or are you taking advantage of her?”

“True friendship,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Dakota has been having problems since adolescence and we are just now trying to fix things. She is seeing a therapist. This is a sensitive time for us.”

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning’s mother was quiet a few seconds.

“Have you ever seen a therapist?” she said.

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment. “In high school.”

“Oh? And what was this for?”

Haley Joel Osment said it was for social anxiety disorder. He said he talked to the therapist and the therapist gave him tapes and he listened to the tapes and felt better. He said he wasn’t depressed. “You and Dakota are both depressive,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother. “I’m afraid you’re feeding off each other.”

“You sound pretty dark and gloomy yourself,” she said.

“I’m not depressed,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I just don’t sound enthusiastic ever. I’m a happy person. I just, this is just my voice.”

“I understand you have books coming out,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother.

“Yes. I have three books coming out. Two next year. One this fall.”

“And, are they the same, are they depressive?”

“I don’t think so,” said Haley Joel Osment. “It’s literary fiction. I guess most people would call literary fiction depressing.”

“I read a few pages, and it was just out-of-control. All that stuff about killing rampages. That was out-of-control. What if someone read that and decided to hurt themselves? How could you live with that?”

“It’s not violent. My publisher was written about in the New York Times.”

“They want to publish you to make money. Violence sells. Look at video games and movies.”

“My publisher lives in poverty. They don’t make money. They publish books that have literary value but don’t make money. They are well respected.” Haley Joel Osment knew that Dakota Fanning’s mother liked books by Nicholas Sparks and that her favorite movies were Shrek and Shrek II and maybe Toy Story. He said some things about literature citing Sartre, Camus, Beckett, the Nobel Prize. He said something about the consolation of art and Dakota Fanning’s mother said “I need to get your word that you will allow me and my husband, and Dakota, to sort things out for a few weeks. As you know Dakota is in therapy, and we need some time to sort this out. We have our own problems.”

* * *

After the call Haley Joel Osment walked into an area of Bobst Library with tables, vending machines, a wide-screen TV and stood in place. New York University students were eating Chinese food. Haley Joel Osment text-messaged Dakota Fanning “She made me agree not to talk to you a few weeks so you can fix your psychological problems, don’t argue with her about literature, just pretend you’re fixed.” Dakota Fanning text-messaged “Okay, she said ‘fuck off’ to me.” A few minutes later Dakota Fanning called saying she was in the bathroom with the door locked from her mother. Haley Joel Osment talked to her a little then went to a computer and typed an essay on his blog about Nicholas Sparks and suicide. The essay was directed at Dakota Fanning’s mother and mentioned a King Kong DVD he had seen in Dakota Fanning’s mother’s bedroom. The essay said Nicholas Sparks could also cause people to hurt themselves. Haley Joel Osment edited it for about four hours. Around 6:30 a.m. he went to his apartment and slept until 5:00 p.m. and went to Bobst Library. “Dakota said she heard her mom making fun of my voice after,” he said to Julia on Gmail chat. “Dakota can’t use the internet or phone except when she hides in the bathroom or something. We’re fucked.”

“She sounds mean, this mom,” said Julia. “Why would she make fun?”

“She’s an asshole,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Well you were fucked before. Now you are just fucked a little harder.”

“Now I’ll just read everyday. I have no friends, no job.”

“I am your friend,” said Julia.

“I mean in real life. I got in a mass email fight with the friends I used to have here. They said I used Dakota as a ‘mutable concept.’ Headbutt girl said that. I said ‘what are you talking about.’ ” Headbutt girl was the 26-year-old Haley Joel Osment spent time with before meeting Dakota Fanning. He headbutted her by accident one night when they were standing in her apartment listening to Rancid in the dark. “I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I hate when people say someone is projecting.”

“Why is everyone such an expert on everyone’s relationships,” said Julia.

“A fucked person enters an unfucked situation, and the situation immediately becomes fucked. It’s the person that is fucked,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Obviously.”

“Situations can’t be fucked because they are situations,” said Julia.

“We are profound,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Where is our Nobel Prize. All the old Nobel Prize winners were depressed existentialists. Now they are all sociologists or something. As America gained more power.”

“Nobody wants to discuss how lonely life is,” said Julia. “Everyone is more interested in toothpaste.”

“Who is Nina Portia,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I blogged about her.”

“I don’t know who that is,” said Julia.

“Dakota said her mother drank wine after the troubles with me and went into her room drinking wine. She kept saying she was twice my age.”

“She wants maybe for Dakota a cheerful ‘hunk,’ ” said Julia.

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Probably just because Dakota lied to her like 20 times saying she was staying at friends’ houses when she was coming to New York City. And I hid in Dakota’s room like 10 times. It seems understandable.”

“That is understandable,” said Julia.

“Actually she is being nice to me.”

“See, good,” said Julia. “You are being forgiving and clear headed now. You lied. Both of you. That is hard.”

The next few days Haley Joel Osment talked to Dakota Fanning in text messages and sometimes on the phone. Dakota Fanning said she was depressed and hadn’t been eating and was writing Haley Joel Osment a giant letter. She said she told her mother she pressured Haley Joel Osment into sex and only had sex once in New York City and her mother didn’t think anymore that Haley Joel Osment only wanted sex and said Dakota Fanning could see him in a few weeks but wouldn’t give a specific date. Dakota Fanning’s mother was a graphic designer for America’s largest-circulation tow-truck magazine. Dakota Fanning had to go with her to work every day because she thought Dakota Fanning would run away if left alone. Dakota Fanning said that in group therapy with her mother and father the therapist asked her mother what exactly her problem was with Dakota Fanning seeing Haley Joel Osment and her mother was quiet and then said she didn’t know. “The therapist defeated my mother,” said Dakota Fanning. Haley Joel Osment said Dakota Fanning should tell the therapist he was a graduate of New York University. Dakota Fanning said she did and the therapist was impressed and said something nice about New York University. Haley Joel Osment said the only purpose of going to New York University was so Dakota Fanning could now say to her therapist in the presence of her mother that Haley Joel Osment had gone to New York University.

One night on the phone Dakota Fanning said tape man called her about thirty times leaving messages saying she was a little cunt slut and that he wouldn’t stop calling until there was some kind of conclusion. Dakota Fanning said she didn’t know what to do. Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t understand. He said she should just email tape man saying she didn’t want to talk to him anymore. “Okay,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I’m here,” she said on Gmail chat a few days later.

“Where’s your mom,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“She’s watching TV. She thinks I’m researching college shit. I think I’m fucked for college. I don’t know where to go. And I only have an 1100 on my SATs.”

“Don’t worry about that. You’re committing suicide this year probably.”

“Yeah. You’re right,” said Dakota Fanning.

“When am I coming?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know. I have to see if I can stay home Friday.”

“I feel like a moth’s peach fuzz,” said Haley Joel Osment. “It doesn’t feel good.”

“Can you wake up early to take the 8:12 train. You would get here at 10:40.”

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment. “If you’re not there I’m getting back on the train.”

“I don’t know if you can come yet. If I still have to go to work with my mom then you can’t.”

“Tell her I’m coming tomorrow. See what she says.”

“She’ll get angry,” said Dakota Fanning. “She’ll get very angry.”

“Tell her I’m coming to fix your psychological problems.”

“Just come and stand in the road and I will talk to you from the yard,” said Dakota Fanning. “She can’t do anything.”

“I know. Tell her that. Go tell her now.”

“I can’t tell her things like that because then she just gets angry and yells. I tell her she is insane or out-of-control most of the time.”

“Now what,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m listening to this really shitty song over and over again. It sounds like a moth’s ass rubbing against my brainstem.”

“I listened to Mirah all day,” said Dakota Fanning.

“It’s making me feel like a moth’s shit,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“My eyelids feel shitty,” said Dakota Fanning. “Life is stupid. I’m going to Japan when I turn 18.”

“Okay. What am I going to do.”

“You can come with me.”

“Will you leave without me,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“No. We promised we wouldn’t go to Japan without each other.”

“By the time you’re 18 I’ll be insane. I’m going more insane gradually.”

“That’s okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “You can be insane. When I go to Japan I just want to stand on the subway for hours each day riding back and forth and then go home and stare at my ceiling and pet the octopus,” she said about a stuffed animal Haley Joel Osment gave her a few weeks ago. She said her brother was depressed this morning and drove his car really fast and an off-duty cop on a motorcycle pushed him off the road and called an on-duty cop on him. Haley Joel Osment said “Use the word shit in every sentence you say to me now on.”

“Shit,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Good. A lot of sentences can be edited to just ‘shit.’ If it’s shit just say shit.”

“Shit,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I read Bobbie Ann Mason while shitting earlier,” said Haley Joel Osment

“I shit when I got home and then tripped on the rug and hit my knee on the shitty sink,” said Dakota Fanning.

“My neck feels like it wants to shit but it’s a neck,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“My lungs feel like they are full of shit,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I had shitty nightmares,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“And that they will explode soon and leak shit into the rest of my body,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I kept sweating shit onto the bed,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s hot as shit here,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I want to shit in your swimming pool,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Do it. I think moths shit in the pool. Swim in moth shit.”

“I’m swimming in your pool Friday. Your mom doesn’t own the Earth.”

“She owns the pool,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m sick of her shit. I hate arguing with her. She can’t talk normal. She always ends up yelling about stupid shit. She never makes any sense.”

“Now what,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Now what. What are we going to do.”

“I don’t know. You’re okay. I’m the one who just needs to kill themselves.”

“How am I okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “No I am not.”

“Julia gave me her phone number,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m afraid to call.”

“Tell your mom to talk to her,” said Haley Joel Osment. “If enough people tell your mom she is insane she might do something.”

“I doubt it. She’ll never accept that she is insane.”

“I’m killing myself,” said Haley Joel Osment. “For real this time.”

“How,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Never mind. I’m not doing anything.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “What day is it.”

“Monday,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Oh. I didn’t know. Friday is so far.”

“Can we plan my visit,” said Haley Joel Osment. “If it is certain I will be okay until Friday. If not I’ll feel like moth’s ass hairs constantly.”

“I don’t know. It depends on if I can stay home. When you come are you going to let her see you or will you just leave when she comes home.”

“Letting her see me,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What if she calls the police,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Okay. Not letting her see me. If you told her we didn’t have sex in New York City I could let her see me. You fucked up.”

“You told me after I had told her,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Did you tell me what I said to tell her,” said Haley Joel Osment and felt very confused. “Fuck. I can’t make sense anymore. We’re fucked. I just laughed at the typo,” he said about fucked being spelled as fcuedk. “Immediately after I laughed I felt like terrible shit.”

“I just stared at it,” said Dakota Fanning. “I didn’t even recognize it as a typo.”

“I just felt afraid of my hands,” said Haley Joel Osment. “They are happier and less fucked than me.”

“Maybe if I tell my mom she can call the house every hour to make sure I’m still here then I can stay home. I’m so bored all the time. Everyone at her office is retarded. I had to teach a guy how to make the font bold in Microsoft Word.”

“I want to make a typo of shit,” said Haley Joel Osment. “That says cannonballs.”

“I don’t know what to do,” said Dakota Fanning. “My life is fucked.”

“Who is more fucked,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I might be.”

“Some asshole friend of Matt Dixon just tried to chat with me,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I deleted him from my contacts.” Matt Dixon was in his early 30s and worked for an advertisement firm and used to attend the same literary events as Haley Joel Osment and headbutt girl. “I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What is happening. We need to know a definite date in the future so we can feel okay. Tell your mom to give you a date that you can see me. Tell her of course you’re depressed if you’re not allowed to leave the house or see your friend.”

Dakota Fanning called later saying her mother still wouldn’t give a specific date.

Haley Joel Osment stayed on his bed one afternoon reading The End of the Story lying on his stomach looking at the book on the floor. It was about a relationship that ended and Haley Joel Osment focused on finding things about his own life in it. One night at 1:30 a.m. Dakota Fanning text-messaged “I miss you so much.” Haley Joel Osment text-messaged “I miss you, sad, editing stories, drank alcohol energy drink.” He made a comic for her about a hamster that goes on a killing rampage against humans. She emailed three photos of herself. “You look like an elf, a tall person, and an elf,” said Haley Joel Osment and thought that she had lost weight and looked very professional and clean and pretty. Dakota Fanning said she was an elf. They talked about writing a book called How to Steal from American Apparel, Whole Foods, Virgin Megastore, and Duane Reade and putting it on the internet. She mailed him a giant box with a forty-page letter inside and he read it on his bed and text-messaged her that he was happy. The letter included photocopies from the copier at Dakota Fanning’s mother’s office. One photocopy was of Woody Allen’s head next to a squid. “Shit,” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat Thursday. “I forgot to talk to my mom about tomorrow. I’m going to try to stay home. So you can come. I’m going to tell her I want to go to Subway to look for a job.”

“Hurry,” said Haley Joel Osment. “My life is empty and I’m running out of things to edit. Shit, I only have like $35. I forgot I needed money, to do things.”

“I won $70,” said Dakota Fanning about bingo with her mother. “You can have it.”

Haley Joel Osment said he would steal her two The Weakerthans CDs.

“Thank you. I stole 3 lemons and sushi. My mom let me walk to Price Chopper today.”

“You should have told me,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I could have met you for 5 minutes. Spending $24 and like 8 hours travel time.” Dakota Fanning said “I thought you would say that is too short for the long train ride so I didn’t call you and I didn’t expect to be able to go for a walk.”

“I know,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I was being sarcastic. I feel sarcastic right now.”

The next day he rode the 8:12 a.m. train to New Jersey. When he stepped off the train Dakota Fanning was standing on the platform looking at him with a scared facial expression. She was wearing a new dress she had talked about on Gmail chat. The dress was light blue with white spots.

“You look angry,” said Haley Joel Osment and they hugged.

“I was very afraid and nervous, you took a while to get off the train,” said Dakota Fanning. “I thought you didn’t come. I thought you were lying to me.”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Why would I lie?”

“I don’t know. I thought maybe you just wanted to get rid of me.”

“But we text-messaged when I was on the train. Did you really think I would lie like that?”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning with a concerned facial expression.

”We texted like four minutes ago,” said Haley Joel Osment grinning.

“You look really good,” he said. “I like the dress a lot.”

Dakota Fanning was grinning a little. She pointed at a feature of her dress and asked Haley Joel Osment if he liked it. Haley Joel Osment said he liked it. They held hands and walked toward her house. On the steel bridge Haley Joel Osment looked at her face then ahead. “She is really pretty, I feel nervous to look at her face,” he thought. “Maybe that is why she never looked at my face that much. Because she was nervous. Not because she wasn’t interested.”

In her room Dakota Fanning asked Haley Joel Osment if he wanted to use the bathroom. Haley Joel Osment said she could use the bathroom first. “Thank you for asking,” he said. “You’re welcome,” said Dakota Fanning. “I want to take a shower to clean myself.” Haley Joel Osment hugged her and sat on her bed. There were no posters or drawings or photos on the walls. Dakota Fanning returned from the bathroom and Haley Joel Osment pointed at something and said “I’ve never seen this. What is this?”

“It’s been there,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Oh. I don’t remember it.”

“The head spins around,” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment tried to spin the head and it didn’t move. He looked at Dakota Fanning. They grinned at each other. They lay on her bed and kissed. He licked her tongue. “She has bad breath a little maybe, or something, or I do, but I don’t think it is me, but that is okay,” he thought. “I feel happy. She is good now. I should be happy. I am.” Dakota Fanning left the room and returned with lemons. They rubbed the lemons on each other and laughed. They licked the lemon juice and had sex. They put the used lemons in a plastic bag.

“Lemon sex,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Lemon sex,” said Dakota Fanning.

In the shower she hugged him from behind. They dried each other and put on clothes. Haley Joel Osment said he wanted a small yellow apple. They walked to the health food store. Dakota Fanning bought an organic pear. Haley Joel Osment bought a bag of toasted nori. Dakota Fanning photographed him eating toasted nori. They walked into a residential area. Three teenage boys were sitting on a porch facing the street.

“Hi,” said a teenage boy. “How are you?”

“Alright,” said Dakota Fanning.

“How old are you?”

“25,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Where are you from?”

“Pittsburgh,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No, I mean, what nationality are you?”

“American,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You look and sound German.”

“I thought they were going to ‘jump’ us,” said Haley Joel Osment about a minute later near the steel bridge. “I felt afraid.”

“Why did you think that?” said Dakota Fanning.

“I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment and hit Dakota Fanning’s cheek with a rolled-up sheet of toasted nori. She made a sad facial expression. She laughed. Haley Joel Osment photographed her with his cell phone.

In Dakota Fanning’s room the windows were up and it was sunny. They lay holding each other naked under a thin sheet. After a few minutes they were asleep. The wind moved the curtains above their heads. Dakota Fanning’s cell phone rang. It was Pedro. “Oh, why,” said Dakota Fanning. “Oh, shit. Whose pool was he in? That is very terrible. I’m with Haley. Okay. Bye.” She said her friend Travis was epileptic and had a seizure while swimming and drowned. She whispered “What a terrible way to die” in Haley Joel Osment’s ear.

Haley Joel Osment asked how well she knew Travis and she said not that well and they walked to a café near the train platform. Haley Joel Osment bought iced coffee. Dakota Fanning bought sweet chai tea. They sat in a two-seat sofa facing the rest of the café. A man sat at a table and began reading a newspaper. Haley Joel Osment took Dakota Fanning’s hand and put it in his mouth. “I felt like I had to impress that guy,” he said. Dakota Fanning laughed and hugged Haley Joel Osment. “What if your mom comes in?” said Haley Joel Osment. “She won’t,” said Dakota Fanning and called her mother saying she was walking by the river because her friend died and she was sad. After about twenty minutes she and Haley Joel Osment walked across the street to Ming Moon. Haley Joel Osment ordered food to eat on the train.

“Andrew seemed happy today,” he said on the train platform.

“He upped his dosage,” said Dakota Fanning grinning.

Dakota Fanning’s mother called saying Kailey was at their house.

“Does she want to see you because of Travis?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Yes, probably,” said Dakota Fanning. “I should go.”

Haley Joel Osment sat on a concrete bench and looked at trees and a fence in the distance. The air was warm and he felt cool from the iced coffee. He was holding a novel he didn’t like that much. It was getting dark. He text-messaged Dakota Fanning “I had a good day today, was happy, it is gone forever also.” Dakota Fanning text-messaged “Sad, today was so good, Nicholas Sparks mom, want to hold you.”

A few days later on Gmail chat Haley Joel Osment said he stole DVDs of American Psycho and Husbands and Wives from Virgin Megastore. “You’re good,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’ve been planning something. I’m going to steal the raft from Price Chopper. If I go at night I could steal it. I found a section with no cameras that has big displays to hide behind.”

They made a plan for Haley Joel Osment to visit the next day.

“Once I start working for the wedding photographers I will be rich,” said Dakota Fanning. “My cat just made a scary noise. I didn’t know she was sleeping on the chair next to me. She made a cow noise. A very small cow moo.”

Haley Joel Osment said he wished he were there. He went to his apartment.

The next afternoon Dakota Fanning met him on the train platform and they walked to her house and lay holding each other on the sofa in the living room. The phone rang in the kitchen. Dakota Fanning went in the kitchen. “My neighbor saw you come in the house and called my mom,” she said in the living room. “We’re fucked.”

“Your neighbor,” said Haley Joel Osment. “We’re fucked.”

“I knew we should have used the back door,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You should have just told your mom I was Pedro or someone.”

“Pedro is in Boston,” said Dakota Fanning.

“He could have came back or something.”

“I wasn’t thinking about that,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Can you call her back and tell her I’m Pedro?”

“I don’t know. She won’t believe that.”

“What is wrong with your neighbor?” said Haley Joel Osment. “Why would she do this?” Dakota Fanning said her neighbor stayed home every day and didn’t have anything else to do. Haley Joel Osment said her neighbor was an asshole. “My mom is driving home from work, she’ll be here in around forty minutes,” said Dakota Fanning. “She said she wouldn’t call the police if we both stayed here.” Haley Joel Osment said her mother probably said that so the police could capture him easily. Dakota Fanning said she didn’t think her mother would do that. They went through a hallway to a room with two desks and many boxes of papers. Haley Joel Osment sat on a chair. Dakota Fanning sat on Haley Joel Osment. They looked at photos of Dakota Fanning’s family they had looked at on different days including one of Dakota Fanning in a pink ballerina suit. Haley Joel Osment thought about a room in the house he grew up in that also had boxes of papers, two desks, two windows with shut blinds. He thought that how he felt about that room was maybe similar to how Dakota Fanning felt about this room.

Dakota Fanning’s mother was home. She said something in the living room. She came in the storage room. Haley Joel Osment stood and shook her hand. “Hi,” he said. “Hi,” she said. They went in the living room. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning sat on the sofa. Dakota Fanning’s mother leaned against a wall and looked at them. “You couldn’t wait, could you?” she said after about ten seconds. “What day is today? It was almost two weeks, just a few more days, right? Two days, or something. Two more days. And I was going to let you see each other. But you just couldn’t wait.” She stared at Dakota Fanning a few seconds. “And now you’re going to have to deal with the consequences.”

“You wouldn’t give us a date,” said Dakota Fanning. “If you had just given us a definite date when we could see each other we would have been okay with that.” Dakota Fanning’s mother said Dakota Fanning would have to earn back her trust over time. She asked Haley Joel Osment what he did in New York City. Haley Joel Osment said he mostly stayed in the library. He said he was a personal assistant to someone starting a jet company. She asked how Haley Joel Osment made money. He said he had money from his books, writing articles sometimes, and the personal assistant job. They talked about Haley Joel Osment’s apartment on Wall Street and then Dakota Fanning asked if she could go to New York City with Haley Joel Osment to eat dinner with a person named Ana. Dakota Fanning’s mother asked what they would do in New York City.

“Walk around, and go in bookstores, and eat dinner,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“And this Ana,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother carefully. “She’s a writer?”

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment. “She’s in her 30s.”

“I know, Dakota has told me about her,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother and stared at Dakota Fanning a little blankly a few seconds then said “So all these times you’ve said you were with Pedro, or whoever, you’ve been lying to me.” Dakota Fanning said she only lied once. She said she really did go to New York City with Pedro and Pedro’s mother. Dakota Fanning’s mother talked about trust then went in the kitchen and talked on the phone and began to broil something and came in the living room and asked if Haley Joel Osment or Dakota Fanning wanted any of her potatoes. They did not. She went in the kitchen. About a minute later she put her upper body into the living room and said “I’m not as bad as Dakota made me out to be, right?”

Haley Joel Osment nodded and she returned to the kitchen.

“You’re just acting this way because we have a guest,” said Dakota Fanning very loudly with an agitated facial expression. “If Haley wasn’t here you would be screaming. This isn’t how you normally are.” Haley Joel Osment patted Dakota Fanning’s thigh and said “It’s okay” while grinning. Dakota Fanning grinned and said “Sorry” in an embarrassed voice.

She put American Psycho in the DVD player.

About ten minutes later Dakota Fanning’s brother came in the house. He looked at Dakota Fanning with a neutral facial expression. He looked at the TV. He had met Haley Joel Osment one other time a few weeks ago and they had said hi to each other and shook hands. “American Psycho,” he said. “Why are you watching this?” He went in the kitchen. Haley Joel Osment heard Dakota Fanning’s mother say “Have you introduced yourself to Haley?” Dakota Fanning’s brother came in the living room grinning and shook Haley Joel Osment’s hand and walked through the hallway into his room closing his door. In American Psycho a person tried to feed a cat to an ATM. The person stared at the cat with a confused facial expression. The person chased a woman through an apartment building with a chainsaw while naked. At the end of the movie it is revealed that the person had imagined his killing rampages because he was insane.

“It would have been better if he really did it,” said Dakota Fanning.

“But it’s already not real,” said Haley Joel Osment feeling a little confused.

Dakota Fanning’s mother went to the grocery store.

“She saw us watching American Psycho,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“She doesn’t care,” said Dakota Fanning. “She doesn’t pay attention to anything I do.”

“I don’t know if that’s true,” thought Haley Joel Osment.

“Now what,” he said. “Will she let us take a walk?”

“I don’t think she’ll let me leave the house,” said Dakota Fanning.

After a few minutes she put The Piano Teacher in the DVD player. They had watched it together a few weeks ago. Dakota Fanning had seen it maybe five times. It was overdue one or two months from Hollywood Video. At the end of it the main character goes to her piano recital, stands in the lobby until everyone is seated in the concert hall, takes a large knife from her music sheet case, stabs herself a few inches below her shoulder, leaves the building. Dakota Fanning’s mother came in the house with Chinese food including crab rangoon. She said Haley Joel Osment was welcome to visit whenever he wanted as long as she knew in advance. She went in the kitchen.

“What is crab rangoon?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Crab wrapped in cheese then fried,” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment went to New York City on the 5:32 p.m. train.

“Kailey just called and asked me to hang out with her,” said Dakota Fanning the next night on Gmail chat. “I said I can’t leave my house because I don’t want to put on pants anymore and she got angry and went away.”

“Good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “When are you coming.”

“I don’t know. It might not be until July when I can come.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “July is in like 4 days.”

“No, I mean like around my birthday because then I can convince her to let me go for my birthday. I really want to see you in New York. I should try to come this week. I can’t lie anymore. I have to try to convince my mom.”

“Ask her. Tell her she puts stress on herself by trying to control you instead of giving you freedom which is what America is about, freedom.”

“I laughed and drooled a little,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Tell her American and Canadian soldiers are fighting for your freedom and she is taking that God-given right away from you. Does she believe in God?” A few weeks ago Haley Joel Osment searched Dakota Fanning’s mother’s name on the internet and found a comment she had made on a message board thanking American and Canadian troops for fighting terrorism. He had showed Dakota Fanning who had said “What is this shit, I didn’t know about this.”

“Yes, she does,” said Dakota Fanning. “I want to go to New York Friday. Do you think Ana would do anything Friday? It will be easier to convince her if I say we’re meeting Ana.”

“Yes,” said Haley Joel Osment. “She will.”

“She seemed okay with Ana,” said Dakota Fanning. “I keep staring at Richard Yates’ face on the back of The Easter Parade but not having any reaction to it. Just looking.” Haley Joel Osment said “Party girl” which was a term they had for people who did not speak in a quiet monotone and were not severely detached. Inanimate objects and situations and animals and boys could also be party girls. Dakota Fanning said if they wrote a book about a party girl called Party Girl they would be rich. “I just searched it on Amazon and there’s like 4 books and 3 movies called Party Girl,” she said. “Party Babe would make us the most rich probably.”

Haley Joel Osment said “Slut Babe.”

“Slut Party,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Slut Party is good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Just bring a tape recorder and hang out with anyone then transcribe.”

“When I come to New York we should just go to bars and record drunken sluts,” said Dakota Fanning.

“A fly keeps flying by me, I feel dirty,” said Haley Joel Osment. “It just landed on my crotch and walked around.”

“It wants to have sex with you,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Your mom ate crab fried with cheese. She is fucked.”

“I know,” said Dakota Fanning. “She is very fucked.”

Haley Joel Osment typed “freedom” in all capital letters with nineteen exclamation marks after it. “Scream that at your mom sometimes,” he said. “Am I coming Thursday?”

“I don’t know, are you? Maybe I can convince her to let you come Thursday then stay the night and go back with me on the train Friday so I’m not riding there alone.” Dakota Fanning said the neighbor’s child was crying. “It begs for ice cream every day and then its parents beat it on the porch and then it rides a bike around and screams and cries. It’s happened 4 times.” Haley Joel Osment said that reminded him of Lemming. He said he wanted to watch movies with Dakota Fanning. “I just want to walk around with you at night and sometimes ass and crotch rape you,” he said.

“Okay. We can do that.”

“When,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know. Soon. I will talk to fried Nicholas Sparks cheese beast.”

“That is good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Cheese beast.”

“I kept looking at ‘cheese beast’ and ignoring the rest.”

“Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Let’s refer to her as cheese beast now,” said Dakota Fanning. “Like tape man or headbutt girl.”

“Sometimes we can call other people cheese beast too,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning said the name of a person and said the person was a cheese beast.

“Cheese beast is good,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Cheese beasts like anything in nugget form. Nuggets is a scary word. My brother has a bottle of ear piercing cleaner in his bathroom. I’m confused.”

“He pierced his groin,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Probably,” said Dakota Fanning.

They drew cheese beasts using Microsoft Paint and sent them to each other. “They are both just blobs without limbs,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m laughing. Cheese beast. Fuck my mom’s home.” She went offline. “My mom is home early because she’s afraid of a flood warning in the area,” she said a few minutes later.

“Tell her I majored in flood management at NYU and can protect her Thursday.”

“She just went to look at the river,” said Dakota Fanning. “She took Aladdin and a big flashlight with her. A very big railroad flashlight. I went down to the basement and saw my cat sleeping in a box on the washing machine. She’s always in the basement.”

“Your cat is good,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s a small Gatorade tray. It looks silly. I laughed at her. She stared at me and then licked herself. I hope it floods. I’m bored here. Last time it flooded we parked on the side of the highway and stared for like two hours. It was good.”

Later that night on the phone Haley Joel Osment said he was probably going to Florida August 1. It was June 27. His mother was leaving America for two months and would pay him to feed the dog and housesit. He said he didn’t know what to do after the two months in Florida.

“Two months is so long,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m sad.”

A few days later they ate dinner with Ana at a Thai restaurant on St. Mark’s Place. Ana said when she was 17 her boyfriend who was 21 or 22 hid in her basement and convinced her to drop out of school to join the revolution in Nicaragua and she did but then was fired from the revolution because she couldn’t do any of the jobs they gave her including building bikes. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning held hands under the table. Ana said she would email Dakota Fanning’s mother saying Haley Joel Osment was a good person. She talked about Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning’s relationship and said “Summer fling” and “Cute.”

“Was I okay?” said Dakota Fanning after Ana left. “I felt like I ate a lot.”

“You were good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I didn’t think you ate a lot.”

“I feel stupid. I didn’t talk and just kept eating because I was nervous.”

“You were good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Don’t worry. You did talk. I thought it was normal.” Dakota Fanning said Ana probably thought she was stupid. “No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “She probably likes you a lot. When I had dinner with her and her boyfriend and headbutt girl like two years ago she emailed the next day saying she felt bad for not contributing that much to the conversation. Her boyfriend was an NYU philosophy professor.” Dakota Fanning cried on the train to New Jersey. Haley Joel Osment held her and didn’t say anything.

In the morning he went to New York City.

That night in Bobst Library he read an email from Dakota Fanning that said she hated her wedding photography job. “I think they were pissed,” said the email. “The camera they gave me didn’t work so I hardly took any pictures. Most of the reception we just sat there and watched a cheese beast dance. I felt shitty. A man with stick arms but a regular body kept coming up to me and asking me questions and poking me and I felt uncomfortable. My stomach hurts.”

Haley Joel Osment read an email from his brother that said “Happy birthday!” and “Let’s meet up this weekend and I can give you your gift.” He read an email from his mother that said “I miss you on your birthday, enjoy your special day the way you like and have the happiest birthday.” He thought about the man with stick arms. He emailed Dakota Fanning that he stole another Woody Allen DVD and four Get Up Kids CDs from Virgin Megastore.

A few hours later in his apartment he showered and sat on his bed. He looked at things on his bookshelf. He read a few pages of different books. He stared at Richard Yates’ author photo and grinned while thinking “Party girl” and feeling a little confused.

About ten minutes after midnight Dakota Fanning text-messaged “Happy birthday squid groin.” Haley Joel Osment slept and woke and went to New Jersey on the 11:41 a.m. train. He and Dakota Fanning walked toward her house holding hands. “I think about talking and then I don’t talk,” he thought on the steel bridge. “It seems unknown when I’ll talk. I feel like running away from Dakota for some reason. Just suddenly running away really fast. I’m talking a lot but it’s in my head.” They bumped each other a few times as they went up the stairs in her house. Dakota Fanning was grinning. They went faster up the stairs and Haley Joel Osment said “Shower” and Dakota Fanning said “Cheese beast.” Haley Joel Osment sat on her bed and said “Shower.”

Dakota Fanning left the room holding a towel. “She left without saying anything,” thought Haley Joel Osment and lay on her bed and covered his head with a blanket. “If I don’t say something about that we’ll be less considerate and have lower expectations. If I do say something I’ll be less good at accepting disappointments. I want to be more accepting. But I also want us to be more considerate.” He thought about never complaining. He thought about complaining about everything. Dakota Fanning came in the room. Haley Joel Osment went in the bathroom and removed his clothes and stood naked in the bathtub in sunlight. “I just need to feel good all the time,” he thought. “When I’m happy everything seems okay. I feel happy when I’m happy. I don’t know. I’ll just keep going.” He showered without thinking about anything and then put on clothes and went in Dakota Fanning’s room. Dakota Fanning was lying on her bed facing away. Haley Joel Osment lay beside her on his back and closed his eyes. After a few minutes he felt her touching him. He opened his eyes and looked at her concerned facial expression and closed his eyes. She stopped touching him. She lay facing away. He hugged her a little and thought about hugging her until she reciprocated. He lay on his back and closed his eyes. “If she touches me now I will touch her and we will be nice again,” he thought. “If she doesn’t touch me I will have to accept that, it is her turn to do something. If I had reciprocated when she was touching me we would be okay right now. Should I just hug her without stopping and not think about these things? And not think about a lot of things?”

Dakota Fanning left the bed and changed into an American Apparel dress. She sat on the floor facing away from Haley Joel Osment who looked at her a little then closed his eyes. After about thirty seconds there were very loud noises. Haley Joel Osment listened and felt confused and sat and saw Dakota Fanning wrapped in a sheet. “What is happening?” he thought. “I feel crazy.” He looked at Dakota Fanning hitting things against the wood floor. He crawled to her and touched her and said “What are you doing?” She lay facing away and cried. Haley Joel Osment held her backside and saw cracked glass cylinders. He thought about her mother coming upstairs and questioning him. He thought about his birthday. Dakota Fanning did not give him anything or say anything except “Cheese beast.” On the stairs she had grinned and said “Cheese beast.” On the internet she had talked about stealing the four-volume collected writings of Beckett for him. On the train today he had drawn two lemons for her and he didn’t know what to do with those now. “I have urges to give them to her,” he thought. “I will probably give them to her. Maybe she will give me the Beckett later. She said ‘happy birthday squid groin’ last night. I came today to help make funnel cakes for a church at a carnival. When she was emotional and hitting things I started liking her again and wanted to make her feel better. Now I am thinking about making myself feel better. If she wanted to stop seeing me I don’t think I would panic and promise to change. I would be afraid to see her again. I would be somewhere else right now. In the library probably.”

Dakota Fanning turned toward him and they held each other.

It was quiet inside and outside the house. Haley Joel Osment thought about the next three to eight years of his life. “It seems calm,” he thought. “I’ll probably be calm all those years.” He thought about walking on a sidewalk in nice weather listening to music through earphones as a 29-year-old in a town like this town.

After a few minutes one of them moved a little.

“What do you want to do now?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“We have to go make funnel cakes soon,” said Dakota Fanning.

They walked toward the carnival holding hands. Leaves were in the air and on people’s yards. It was cloudy. A man driving a minivan waved. Dakota Fanning waved and the minivan went past.

“He looked like he raped you or something,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“He did,” said Dakota Fanning and made a strange facial expression.

“Oh,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“No he didn’t,” he said after about ten seconds.

“Yes he did,” said Dakota Fanning.

“He really raped you?”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning.

“When?” said Haley Joel Osment staring ahead.

Dakota Fanning said when she was small she was friends with the man’s daughter and she spent the night at their house and when everyone was asleep the man took her to the basement and punched her in the back of the head and in the morning she was in bed and her head hurt.

“How do you know he raped you?”

“Because my cunt was bloody.”

“Oh,” said Haley Joel Osment looking ahead and felt Dakota Fanning’s hand in his hand. He thought about the word cunt.

“Did anyone notice the blood?” he said.

“No. I was very embarrassed and ran to the bathroom and cleaned myself.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

“No. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

“You didn’t tell John?” said Haley Joel Osment about the 28-year-old superhero comics fan Dakota Fanning ran away to Philadelphia to meet last summer.

“No,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

Dakota Fanning said something about how the man would be in jail if she told people and she didn’t want that. She said some things about people who explain their entire lives in terms of having been raped. She said she didn’t want that. Haley Joel Osment thought about the man being in jail or not being in jail. He thought about Dakota Fanning’s life, that it was happening, that it would end. He thought that he would feel confused and maybe very worried if he were raped. He maybe wouldn’t want to stop his life to talk about it.

“Do you think he raped other people?”

“Probably,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Why do you think he chose you instead of someone else?”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I was quiet and weird.”

At the carnival they made funnel cakes under a tent with Dakota Fanning’s mother and a church pastor. Sometimes one of them left the tent to get more milk from a full-size refrigerator. Haley Joel Osment tried to make a funnel cake in the formation of a pentagram. Dakota Fanning said they should replace the sugar powder with bacon bits. Haley Joel Osment said they should fry the funnel cakes in bacon oil then wrap it in bacon and pour nacho cheese on it to create a family-size funnel cake for cheese beast families. They talked about having their own tent next year to sell organic vegan funnel cakes. They made funnel cakes for about three hours and then walked to different areas of the carnival, sometimes saying “cheese beast” or “party girl” quietly while facing forward with neutral facial expressions. They looked at a pony and said it was a cheese beast and a party girl. Five people were on a wood stage playing heavy metal cover songs to about eight people, some not wearing shirts. Haley Joel Osment wanted to give leftover funnel cakes to a group of Hispanic people standing in the distance.

“My mom will be angry,” said Dakota Fanning.

“But it’s good, why would she be angry?”

“She’s a beast. We should do it. Let’s do it. Forget what I said about my mom, that was stupid, we should do it. My mom’s stupid.”

“Can you do it, I’m afraid,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m afraid,” said Dakota Fanning.

“They might not like the funnel cakes because they’re cold,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“They might get offended or something,” said Dakota Fanning.

“We’ll just be making them obese,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s better not to give them the funnel cakes maybe,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Where are they?” said Haley Joel Osment. “They disappeared.”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I don’t see them,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I think they disappeared.” He and Dakota Fanning walked away from the carnival. They ran holding hands toward a puddle on the street. They jumped over the puddle. Dakota Fanning’s mother drove past and stopped and they sat in the backseat. “Thanks for helping us out today,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother. “I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” said Haley Joel Osment. “It was fun.”

“Well, I don’t know, but it was certainly nice of you to come out on your birthday.”

“Did I make you nervous yesterday when I broke things and cried?” said Dakota Fanning the next night on Gmail chat. “I felt melodramatic and stupid and afraid. I cried in the shower. I don’t know why.”

“I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment in Bobst Library. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Yeah you do,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You want to know why I asked if you felt nervous or why I was crying?”

“Crying,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I felt embarrassed of myself again. I felt nervous. Sometimes if I stare for too long I think about loneliness and I think about what is going to happen if I annoy you and you leave me and about how lonely and afraid of everything I used to be and I just get nervous and cry I guess. I don’t know. Before when I was lonely it was sort of a calm loneliness. Like I would just say ‘oh well.’ And lie in bed. And just be alone. But now when I think about being lonely it’s very depressing and I can’t relax.” Haley Joel Osment wasn’t responding. “I feel selfish,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m going to try to come tomorrow.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning went to talk to her mom. “She won’t let me go,” she said about forty minutes later. “We talked for a long time and I scared her I think. She thinks I’m crazy again.”

“How did you scare her,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know. When I get nervous and upset I do repetitive movements like pacing back and forth or hitting my head over and over again and I did that. I think she was afraid and told me I had issues and that I shouldn’t be so affected by one person that I break down or something. Then she said some stuff about my dad and then she was worried because she thinks you don’t eat anything because I couldn’t tell her that you steal things. And she doesn’t want me going to the city and not eating anything all day.”

“Just tell her I eat things,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I don’t understand.”

“I did. I told her you ate things but she doesn’t understand how you get money.”

“Just tell her I have money from writing. I still don’t understand.”

“Because first she asked me how you can afford all the train tickets and food and I said I give you money sometimes and that you sell things sometimes to get money but she doesn’t believe me because you wear the same pants all the time, she thinks you’re poor. And she doesn’t believe you get much from writing because you said the writing you do will never make much money before on the phone. She kept telling me to ask you to come here but I said it’s shitty here and then she got angry and said ‘well that’s too bad’ and said that if you really care about me you wouldn’t mind coming here all the time but I said that isn’t fair, I should visit you, it isn’t fair for you to have to pay for train tickets all the time, then she thought you were poor again,” said Dakota Fanning. “I hate myself,” she said after about fifteen seconds.

“Why,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning typed seven times that she hated herself.

“Why,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Because I’m being selfish.”

“With what,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“With you. I should try harder to find new things that you would like. I wanted to give you a new towel but I forgot. I don’t say thank you enough. I should try harder to find things for you. I haven’t written enough things for you. I want to write things for you. I’m going to write you another letter. I liked writing you a letter. I feel happy when I do things like that but then I hardly ever do them. It’s retarded and I hate myself. All I can ever think to do is hold you and pet you. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend. I want to hold you and pet you. I’m retarded. I hate myself. I want to hold you.”

“I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Are you still editing your chapbook?”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Did you cut those stories.”

“I don’t know yet,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I haven’t talked to my dad in a week I think. My mom told me tonight that he said I was the only thing he cared about and I stared and felt depressed. I’m going to call him.”

After midnight Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning text-messaged a few times. Haley Joel Osment was on his bed. Dakota Fanning asked if she could call. Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t feel like talking because he felt bad.

“Okay, I understand,” said Dakota Fanning. “I made you a mobile. I’m sorry it’s late. I had planned to give it to you for your birthday. Good night.”

“Email me if you have anything to say,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email the next afternoon. “I’m editing my novel. I was going to email you but I feel tired now. And you didn’t email me. So I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m going to try harder,” said Dakota Fanning in an email. “Do you believe me? I’ve been trying. If I hadn’t you wouldn’t have visited me or let me visit you. I just need to try harder. I am now. I am going to try harder. I didn’t email you because I thought you wanted to be left alone, that you wanted time to think. I miss you. You are my best friend.”

“I think I feel indifferent to you right now,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email. “I don’t know. It is depressing because I want to like you because probably I won’t ever meet anyone like you, but I can easily meet someone who in other ways, like considerateness and thoughtfulness, I would like more than you. I wanted to go home after we went to your room and you went to shower without saying anything. You are the person who said in my apartment that the guest always showers first. Then I thought about what to do about the lemon drawing I drew for you. Since if I gave it to you it would only make it more obvious to me and maybe to you that I thought of you more and did more for you than you did for me, on my birthday, going to your house to make funnel cakes. I was going to go home but your mom was downstairs and we were already going to make funnel cakes. It was too hard to leave so I thought ‘I’ll just be nice to her for the rest of the day.’ ” In another email he said “At each moment you can either kill yourself, try harder to detach yourself from people and reality, or be thinking of and doing what you can for the people you like. Those are the only 3 choices at any moment. I don’t know. It seems like you do the second one but say you want to do the third one.” A few minutes later he sent another email that said “I think I’m being stupid right now. I shouldn’t lecture you. You are who you are, people don’t change. You probably need to be with someone who won’t want you to change. Even if you change now you’ll change back later. So I’m being stupid right now. To some people you would be very thoughtful and good. It’s relative, like everything, and stupid of me to complain.”

Dakota Fanning sent a giant email that said she had been thinking lately and realizing her mistakes. “I thought about how I stole blueberries and flaxseed meal to make you vegan cake but then I was nervous you wouldn’t want to eat cake because you don’t really eat anything unhealthy so I just gave you the blueberries and felt guilty for not just making you the cake anyway even if you didn’t want it. I thought about how I had planned to make you the mobile for your birthday but then forgot. I thought about when we were making funnel cakes and how I wasn’t letting you make them enough and how I was afraid to bring the cake to those guys even though I knew you really wanted to. I thought about it when we were walking home and I thought about apologizing but I was afraid to because I didn’t know if you were really upset by it or not because you were smiling and I didn’t want to talk about something depressing on your birthday after you had chosen to spend it making funnel cakes at a white trash festival to be with me. I had the panic attack on the train ride home because I was so embarrassed that I had eaten so much and wasn’t paying attention to you and Ana. I felt so embarrassed to the point where I wanted to kill myself. I felt guilty the day we walked to sell books and you carried my bag to help me. The whole time I was thinking that I should be helping you, that I should have carried the books, but then I never did and I felt terrible. When you gave me the lemon drawing I felt terrible. I can’t stop thinking about you. I mailed you things earlier today. All I have been doing today is thinking about you and everything I have done to make you unhappy and how I can fix them. I can do it. I can. I owe you everything. You have done the greatest thing for me than anyone has my entire life. You have been honest with me. You know I want to be healthy or else I wouldn’t make fun of cheese beasts. I don’t want to kill myself. I want to be in a happy and healthy relationship with you.”

After the giant email she sent three short emails.

Haley Joel Osment sent a short email.

Dakota Fanning sent many medium-sized emails.

They sent more emails.

Around 5:00 p.m. Dakota Fanning said she was going for a walk and that Haley Joel Osment could call or text message whenever he wanted. Haley Joel Osment left Bobst Library and bought a salad and sat on a bench in front of New York University’s business school. He ate his salad listening to “Jackass” by The Vandals on repeat and felt sunlight on his face. He bought iced coffee. He went in Bobst Library. Dakota Fanning had emailed two photos of the backs of people in her town. “Thank you for the pictures,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email. “If you have more things to email so I can know more about you, so I can think about them, email them please.”

The next afternoon Dakota Fanning sent a very giant email.

“Thank you for emailing me about those things,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email. “There have been many times where I really wanted to leave you but because of circumstance I couldn’t. One time after we ate at Zen Palate you wanted to go home and read. I wanted to tell you to go home to New Jersey to read. When you were late to meet me at the train with the orange dress, I think the orange dress, we had agreed on Gmail chat to go to the ledge. But then you were late to the station and then you didn’t want to go to the ledge. When we got to the buses you didn’t want to go on the buses. I walked around trying to figure out if I should go back to New York. When we got off the train at Hoboken you didn’t take off your headphones even when you tried to ask me how to buy a ticket for the PATH train. I really hate that. During this time I would always like you more when we talked on Gmail chat and not when I saw you in person. I’m horrible for caring so much about weight. But obviously I need to be physically attracted to someone or else some part of the relationship is not fulfilled. And also I talked about what I think when I see an overweight person in a relationship. So after seeing you I would always think ‘I’m not going to be with her anymore’ but then we would talk on Gmail chat and text messages and I would like you again. Remember when I made you a peanut butter and flaxseed sandwich while you were showering? I stopped doing things like that because I saw that you don’t do things like that for me, and if I kept doing them I would start to feel irritated, because it would remind me how you don’t do them for me, causing me to eventually not like you anymore.”

“Maybe if I could make fun of myself more I would change faster,” said Dakota Fanning in an email. “I wish you made fun of me more. Like when I look at a cheese beast I make fun of it and I think ‘I don’t ever want to be that, that really is ridiculous.’ If we had made fun of me more I would think ‘I really am being a ridiculous asshole.’ Today I kind of felt like that. Instead of crying and feeling ashamed I thought ‘fuck, what the hell have I become? I’m so confused, I’m out-of-control’ and laughed a little. I walked around by the river and did pushups and exercised on my mom’s exercise machine and felt happy and calm.”

They continued emailing. Their emails became shorter and more frequent. “Did you like the cheese beast I sent you?” said Dakota Fanning in an email. “I saw it on Newsweek. My mom just got a new cell phone so now I have her old phone and can take pictures. My mom just said hi. She really likes you now. We talked about you in the Wendy’s parking lot. She said it really meant a lot to her when you sent her the email thanking her for all those things.”

A few days later Dakota Fanning emailed around 9:00 p.m. that she was bored and still hadn’t done her Advanced Placement work. She said she wouldn’t be able to go to Haley Joel Osment’s July 20 reading if she didn’t finish her Advanced Placement work. “Do things,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email around 5:00 a.m. “You don’t do things unless I lecture you. Then you do things for the two days after I lectured you. I’m tired of lecturing you. Why do people only do things when you lecture them? I’m so tired of lecturing people. I’m tired. People don’t think or something. They only think when you lecture them, then they only think for two days. I’ve never met anyone not like this. Amazing. I’ve never met someone not like this.”

“I did do things yesterday until I felt sick later in the afternoon,” said Dakota Fanning in an email around 5:30 a.m. “I exercised, read, and worked in the garden. I felt bored because I couldn’t talk to you, not because I wasn’t doing anything or didn’t have anything to do.”

“Hi,” she said about an hour later on Gmail chat.

“Do you know when you’re going to Florida,” she said.

“August 1,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’ll talk to my mom once more about it before she talks to your mom. She still hasn’t given me an answer about it,” said Dakota Fanning about going to Florida for a week with Haley Joel Osment. “It takes her like a week to decide on anything.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You are irritated with me right now I think.”

“I’m tired of lecturing you.”

“I did do things yesterday, you didn’t have to lecture me.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m tired of lecturing.”

“Okay. Do you still want me to come to your reading and Florida.”

“Yes. But I am tired of lecturing you. You act differently after I lecture. I don’t know. I am tired of lecturing. Just print out selections of my lecture of you and pretend I am doing it each morning and you will act differently.” Dakota Fanning said “Okay.” “But do it before I tell you to do it, in the future,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “Which is impossible,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Since I just told you to do it.”

Dakota Fanning said she had to start getting ready to go to work with her mother.

“I can predict what is going to happen,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I predicted it before and every time I lectured you. That is bad. That is so tiring. I feel so tired of people. I wish someone would surprise me for once.”

Dakota Fanning wasn’t typing anything.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Go get ready.”

“I understand,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I can also predict that you will probably try a little harder since I said I can predict. And maybe do something I can’t predict, until the next time I say it. There’s really nothing you can say anymore. I wouldn’t know what to say. I would think there is something really wrong with one of us.”

“I will email throughout the day,” said Dakota Fanning. “I have to go. Thank you for being honest. What airline do you usually fly.”

“Delta,” said Haley Joel Osment.

That night around 9:30 p.m. after sleeping from 8:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Haley Joel Osment emailed Dakota Fanning that she didn’t surprise him today. He said he wasn’t going to talk to her or think about her. “You didn’t understand how ‘dire’ the situation was this morning,” he said.

Dakota Fanning emailed that the day wasn’t over. “I just went to Wal-Mart to steal a tape recorder,” she said. “I’m going to record some songs for you. I couldn’t find a tape recorder at Wal-Mart and Staples was closed so I just stole a tape and will use tape man’s recorder until I have to mail it back. I just got home now. I thought you would be surprised if I sang some of your favorite songs for you. I spent the rest of the time painting and making paper cranes covered in little hamsters. I stole the heart monitor so we could listen to our hearts when I come for your reading. I talked to my mom about Florida and she said ‘I don’t know, I really don’t think you should go, I don’t know, that’s my gut feeling’ but she wasn’t saying ‘no’ really. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

She sent a few more emails. Haley Joel Osment read the emails and left Bobst Library and bought a corn muffin. He ate it walking slowly to Union Square. On the 4 train a small boy sitting by his mother said “Does anyone know how to break a straw in half?” facing where Haley Joel Osment and other people stood.

“Who are you talking to?” said the mother.

“Peter,” said the boy after about ten seconds.

“You said ‘does anyone,’ ” said the mother. “That’s not Peter. You better not be talking to strangers.” About a minute later the boy laughed and said “I thought this was a chip” about a crushed soda can he was holding. The mother looked at him with a neutral facial expression. Haley Joel Osment looked at the mother with a neutral facial expression. In his room he listened to music through earphones while eating pasta. He carried his air mattress from the closet to his floor’s trash room. He carried an issue of Maxim Blender from the trash room’s recycling bin to his room and masturbated. He showered and read for about an hour. He turned off the light. He looked at old text messages on his cell phone. He slept.

The next afternoon Dakota Fanning emailed that she stole him a new belt because she thought his was leather and that she was making a giant comic for him. She emailed preview photos of the comic. She said her mother was going to buy the plane tickets for Florida but didn’t yet because she decided to invite five of Dakota Fanning’s cousins and all of their parents to their house today for no reason.

That night Haley Joel Osment’s suitemate knocked on his door. “This is from Dakota,” he said. “I think it’s sushi.” Haley Joel Osment ate the sushi standing in his room. He text-messaged Dakota Fanning “Thank you” and that he was surprised and felt happy. Dakota Fanning said she called a lot of places in lower Manhattan asking if they delivered to Wall Street and some places laughed at her.

A week later she went to New York City for Haley Joel Osment’s July 20 reading.

In his room she took a piece of paper from a garbage bag and unfolded it to a very giant piece of paper and taped it to a wall. The tape was already on the back of the paper. It was a comic of about 110 panels of three orcas doing things to Bono, Al Gore, Tim Fenton, other people. Haley Joel Osment grinned a lot while reading it. He asked about Al Gore dying in the sixth panel then being alive in a later panel. Dakota Fanning patted his shoulder and said “Don’t worry about that.” The comic was called “fuck the world.” Haley Joel Osment remembered photos Dakota Fanning had shown him of cakes her friends made that said “fuck the world” in icing. He gave Dakota Fanning two framed drawings he had worked on the past two weeks of about 200 sea animals and said it was her birthday present. They had sex and showered and lay under blankets in the dark.

On the train to New Jersey after Haley Joel Osment’s reading they alternated sleeping with their heads on each other’s laps. In the morning Dakota Fanning’s mother opened the door to Dakota Fanning’s room and said “What did I say about sleeping together?”

Haley Joel Osment woke but did not open his eyes.

After a few seconds Dakota Fanning’s mother closed the door.

“I want to leave,” thought Haley Joel Osment later that day on Dakota Fanning’s bed. “She’s changing back again. I honestly feel like leaving. I wouldn’t be leaving to ‘get back’ at her, I would be naturally going where I want to go. I can leave. I can go to the library.” He stood and began putting his things into his duffle bag. Dakota Fanning asked what he was doing. He said he was leaving. “Please don’t leave,” she said with a serious facial expression and held his wrist. He looked at his wrist and said “Let me leave” and heard her asking if he wanted anything to eat and saying for him to wait as he walked downstairs and then diagonally across her front yard. She ran to him and they faced each other on the street which was wet from an earlier rain. Dakota Fanning was barefoot. “Where are you going?” she said in a panicked voice.

“I’m going to work on things in the library,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning asked if he wanted to stay at her house until closer to his train time. She said he could use the computer and she wouldn’t bother him.

“I want to go somewhere to be alone,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Where are you going to go?” said Dakota Fanning with a very alert facial expression. There were tears on her cheeks and her body was shaking a little. There didn’t seem to be tears in her eyes. Haley Joel Osment thought she looked pretty and considerate and felt grateful that she existed and liked him. He thought that he wanted to see her again in a few days and then felt calm. “Probably Ming Moon,” he said. “Or just sit somewhere.” He turned to leave and Dakota Fanning held his arm.

“Wait,” she said and let go. “Am I ever going to see you again?”

“Yes. I just want to be alone for a few days. I just want to focus on other things for a few days. It’s okay. Just focus on something good.”

“When will I talk to you? Can I call you?”

“I’ll email in a few days,” said Haley Joel Osment and touched her shoulder. “Okay,” he said. “Focus on something good. Bye.” He went to Ming Moon and then sat on the concrete bench on the train platform eating hot and sour soup and white rice. He thought about if Andrew seemed happy or severely depressed today. He went to the café and read magazines and newspapers for about two hours. On the 8:46 p.m. train he lay on his back across two seats with his knees bent. It was a Friday. He thought about Saturday and Sunday. He text-messaged Dakota Fanning that he would email her Tuesday.

After midnight on his bed he text-messaged “Happy birthday, do you feel okay.”

A few minutes later Dakota Fanning text-messaged “I don’t know.”

Tuesday around 3:00 a.m. she text-messaged “Will you visit me today? I know it’s soon but I miss you, just tell me if you don’t want to, I don’t want you to feel forced.” Haley Joel Osment was sitting on his bed editing a draft of his novel. He looked at the text message and focused on editing while thinking a little about the text message. After a few minutes Dakota Fanning text-messaged “Sorry, never mind, I shouldn’t have asked so soon, good night.” Haley Joel Osment text-messaged that she should come to his reading Thursday. He slept and woke and went to Bobst Library. “I can’t go Thursday,” said an email from Dakota Fanning. “My mother is mad at me because I look sad at work and don’t work fast enough and didn’t sleep until 4:30 a.m. last night. I’m going to work hard tomorrow and she’ll change her mind probably.” Haley Joel Osment asked if her mother would let her go if he went to New Jersey first so she wouldn’t be alone on the train to New York City. “No, probably not,” said Dakota Fanning. “She isn’t going to let me go. It’s probably not a good thing for me to go anyway.”

“Why not,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I don’t know. I feel sad. I’ve been very sad. I went to a random party girl store today and tried on a dress and looked at myself and I look very ugly and terrible. I’m so nervous that I feel like I’m going to shit and vomit constantly. Over the weekend I felt very lonely and ugly and sad. I went to the movies alone Sunday and sat in the bathroom afterward and cried.”

“Why did you want me to come over today then. Why aren’t you on chat.”

“Because last night I was feeling a little better because I spent 7 hours making something for you and I was excited and wanted you to come but then I looked at myself today at that store and felt ugly and embarrassed. Chat is too fast right now.”

“Come on chat,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Hi,” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat.

“Hi,” said Haley Joel Osment and stared at the computer screen.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said after about twenty seconds.

“Me either,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m reading The Way We Eat. I’m halfway through. I want to mail it to my dad when I’m finished.”

“I mailed you things yesterday,” said Haley Joel Osment about stolen watermelon perfume and a drawing of a hamster that committed suicide by impaling itself on an SUV’s antenna.

“I haven’t mailed things yet,” said Dakota Fanning. “I saved them in case you came. I stole you lemon foot-paste. I think it will feel good if you put it on your face. I put foot-paste on my face once and it felt good.”

“I wish you mailed me something so I could have it today.”

“I know,” said Dakota Fanning. “You would have it tomorrow if I mailed something not today.”

“Remember when you said you would mail me something every day.”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I’m going to kill myself soon,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I would have this week, I really would have but I wanted to give you things in person,” said Dakota Fanning. “I thought you would come today. I should have mailed things anyway, I know, I’m sorry. Don’t say that please, I’m sorry.” A few minutes later she said “I’m just going to keep fucking up and making you more miserable. I’m never going to be a good person. I’m too stupid. I’m very stupid. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel okay, not alone. You shouldn’t have to deal with my shit.”

“I wish you recorded songs for me.”

“I did,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Why didn’t you just do that instead of going to a movie.”

Dakota Fanning said she had the songs. She said she went to the movies because she was very depressed and lonely and wanted to sit and stare at something and not have to think but it didn’t work because all she did the whole time was think about how she would rather be with Haley Joel Osment which was why she got up and cried in the bathroom.

“Why wouldn’t you just walk around instead,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I just don’t understand.”

“I did walk around and it didn’t help either. I walked 3 miles to the shitty theater in the first place.”

“Am I too demanding of people,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I feel so fucked.”

“No, you’re not, it’s just that everyone is stupid. I’m stupid. I’m very stupid and terrible. I really did have things to mail you then decided to keep them for today. I really did. I’m not lying to make an excuse. I’m telling the truth.”

“Don’t you know that we both know you said you would mail me things every day,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Then you should have mailed something else, if only to not have that lie between us.”

“I know. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I hate myself so much. I really do feel like killing myself. I really do. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“I missed you,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m selfish,” said Dakota Fanning.

“But now I feel shitty again,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Can I come Thursday,” said Dakota Fanning. “You don’t have to pick me up at the station, I will find my way to the reading, you don’t have to do anything for me or talk to me, I’ll get enough money. I’m sobbing, I’m so upset with myself.”

“I already said I wanted you to come Thursday. You said you can’t.”

“I know but I can work harder to try to get her to change her mind. I just wanted to ask because I made you feel shitty and I felt maybe you wouldn’t want to talk to me again for a while.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’ll meet you at the station.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “Thank you.”

“Do you have the Eightball that says Twentieth Century Eightball on it,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“No, not yet. That’s the anthology of all Eightball issues.”

“I got it for you,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Thank you. I spent all night hand-sewing you an obese green hamster stuffed animal. It’s very soft and squishy. I will bring it for you on the train.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I walked Sunday and someone wrote in dirt on a window ‘clitoris pie bitch’ and I wanted to show you but I couldn’t and felt sad,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You could have taken a picture,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Donald Trump should say ‘clitoris pie bitch,’ ” said Dakota Fanning. “I know, I was stupid. I didn’t take it because we weren’t talking and I didn’t think to take it and then send it to you Tuesday.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Do you like Kill Your Idols.”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning and emailed him a song.

Haley Joel Osment was looking at literary blogs

“Did you get the song,” said Dakota Fanning after about ten minutes.

“Yeah,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m going to go do things because there isn’t anything I can say and there probably isn’t any way I’ll get you to laugh now so there’s no reason for me to be on here when I can be working on other things for you.” Haley Joel Osment emailed about ten minutes later thanking her for recording songs and making him an obese stuffed animal. “I’m excited to hear the songs and see the hamster,” said the email.

The next night he went to New Jersey and in the morning they went to New York City and he read poetry to people in Brooklyn. They rode the 8:54 p.m. train to New Jersey and listened in Dakota Fanning’s room to the songs she recorded including “Tripped” by Neva Dinova and then around midnight watched Chunking Express in the living room. Dakota Fanning was asleep for most of the movie. Haley Joel Osment went to New York City the next afternoon. “I think you like other things better than me,” he said on Gmail chat that night. “I mean generally you like things that aren’t people. More than people. Like eating or sleeping or something. If you don’t want to do something then just tell me and we don’t have to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, instead of just pretending or something.”

“I want to be boyfriend and girlfriend,” said Dakota Fanning. “I am learning. I know what to do.”

“I don’t understand when people don’t do what they say they want to do.”

“Me either,” said Dakota Fanning. “That’s why I don’t understand myself or like myself.”

“I still don’t understand,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m killing myself,” said Dakota Fanning. “Good night.”

“Wait,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Sorry,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Stop being an out-of-control tape man.”

“Are you upset?” said Dakota Fanning.

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You said you used to be a nice polite non cheese beast,” said Haley Joel Osment. “In other relationships.” Dakota Fanning said she was always just polite to the other people and they became obsessed with her. “All they ever did was talk about how much they loved me or how great I supposedly was,” she said. “They never really did anything.”

Haley Joel Osment said something about not getting a present on his birthday.

“I know that was wrong of me but that is another thing I have to change from the way I was raised,” said Dakota Fanning. “No one cares about birthdays in my family. For my birthday this year my mom bought me a shitty card, my dad called me and said he would call back but never did and my brother never even said happy birthday, just said ‘why do you have to be a retarded fuck-up and watch stupid French movies’ when he saw The Piano Teacher on the living room table.” They said some other things and then Dakota Fanning said she told Haley Joel Osment about things that concerned her and he didn’t do anything about it either.

“What,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I told you about how I get upset when you interrupt people and you just said ‘I’ve always done things like that.’ I told you I don’t like how you chew on your thumbs and you never made any attempt to stop. I never say anything about it because I thought you didn’t think I was doing enough to make you want to think about it.”

“I said I don’t want to interrupt people,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You still do it though,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I’ll stop chewing my thumbs,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You did it at the reading. You interrupted the host.”

“I don’t interrupt people,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“She was talking and you yelled ‘I don’t want to go first anymore.’ ”

“If it’s something like that I think it’s okay to interrupt,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s okay if you say excuse me or ask politely,” said Dakota Fanning.

“If I know no one there cares I won’t waste people’s time with that,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You interrupted the man on the subway and all he wanted to do was help us.”

“I know, and I stopped and said I felt stupid,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I interrupted because I was nervous he was wasting his time.”

“Okay, I’m sorry I accused you,” said Dakota Fanning. “I still think you should have been more polite to the host,” she said a few minutes later. Haley Joel Osment said he hated that she was saying these things and that it felt like she was just getting back at him. Dakota Fanning said she wasn’t trying to do that at all. She said she felt terrible. She said if they were talking in real life he wouldn’t feel that way.

The next day on Gmail chat Haley Joel Osment said he felt shitty. Dakota Fanning said she wanted to hug him. “I’m just depressed,” he said. Dakota Fanning said she mailed him a sea lion stuffed animal. “I have to go,” she said. “My mom needs the computer. Can I call later?”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Wait. I feel shitty, I probably won’t have anything to say. You can call if you want.” She did not call. After midnight she text-messaged “I feel like shit, I’m never going to make anyone happy, I might kill myself soon, killing myself is the only way I will ever positively affect anyone.”

Haley Joel Osment text-messaged that he felt bad and that Dakota Fanning was good.

Dakota Fanning text-messaged “I don’t know, you just never seem happy with me anymore, even if I make you laugh I just always feel like I’m not good enough.”

A few days later she sent Haley Joel Osment two cell phone photos of a smashed violin and text-messaged “I filmed a horror movie for you, will show you Monday, my phone doesn’t send video messages.”

The next afternoon Haley Joel Osment went to New Jersey and watched the horror movie on Dakota Fanning’s cell phone. It was seven seconds and in two parts. It showed her father walking with both arms forward like a zombie. It showed the smashed violin on the floor.

“I like it a lot,” said Haley Joel Osment grinning and watched it again.

“How did you get your dad to do that?” he said.

“I just told him to walk like he was a zombie,” said Dakota Fanning.

In the morning her mother drove her and Haley Joel Osment to the airport.

In Florida they ate dinner with Haley Joel Osment’s mother at a Thai restaurant. They went to Whole Foods and bought many fruits and vegetables. They went to a theme park called Epcot and stole an Alice in Wonderland dress and went in a private bathroom and Dakota Fanning changed into the dress. They stole a stuffed animal with a hidden pouch and talked about using the hidden pouch to steal more things. The stuffed animal was Eeyore. Dakota Fanning photographed Haley Joel Osment wearing Eeyore on his head while making peace signs with both his hands. They had begun making double peace signs in photos after seeing many Japanese people doing it on the internet a few weeks ago. Haley Joel Osment photographed Dakota Fanning standing in front of a restaurant. They went in the restaurant. Dakota Fanning text-messaged Pedro that she was wearing an Alice in Wonderland dress. Haley Joel Osment thought about text messaging someone. He didn’t want to text message anyone. “I felt alone when you were texting Pedro,” he said to Dakota Fanning after a few minutes of being quiet.

The restaurant had half-circle-shaped tables where ten people sat facing a chef who cooked things while trying to make everyone laugh. Dakota Fanning told Haley Joel Osment that one of the obese heavy metal fans at their table photographed her about a minute ago. Haley Joel Osment asked if it was the smaller one or the bigger one. The smaller one was wearing a Megadeth T-shirt. The bigger one was wearing a Slayer T-shirt. Dakota Fanning said it was the bigger one. She said the person was probably going to masturbate to her photo later. Haley Joel Osment said it was an opportunity for the person because it’s rare to see someone wearing an Alice in Wonderland dress. He said Dakota Fanning should photograph the person and put it on the internet saying he photographed her for masturbation purposes. “Okay,” she said and held her camera. “I’m afraid,” she said. “Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment. The heavy metal fans ordered steaks substituting broccoli with potatoes. The bigger one pushed his salad aside. Dakota Fanning did not finish her pasta and offered some to Haley Joel Osment who kissed her and ate the pasta. “She stopped herself from eating too much, she is aware and doing things,” he thought with a very neutral facial expression. “I feel happy, we’re getting better.”

In his parents’ house they watched a movie about two people in a relationship in Mississippi. Dakota Fanning was asleep after about fifty minutes. Haley Joel Osment had seen the movie a few years ago and wanted to see it with Dakota Fanning. In bed he asked if she liked the movie. She said it was okay. He said he felt alone when she was asleep.

A few nights later they were having sex and Haley Joel Osment sat and did things to Dakota Fanning’s vagina with his fingers for about eight minutes. She orgasmed. She said “Sorry.”

“What do you mean?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m sorry it took so long. I should have stopped you.”

Haley Joel Osment lay and they held each other. He thought about saying it was okay. After about a minute he asked what she thought about while trying to orgasm. “I thought about you fucking me,” she said and was quiet for about thirty seconds. “What do you think about when I’m giving you a blowjob?”

“Mostly I don’t think anything,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I just feel it.”

They were quiet and then Dakota Fanning asked when he last masturbated. He said probably before going to New Jersey to come to Florida. Dakota Fanning asked what he thought about when he masturbated.

“Different people, I think,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Do you think about me?” said Dakota Fanning quietly.

“Yes. Sometimes. Usually I think about different people.”

“Who?” said Dakota Fanning.

“Strangers, that I’ve seen that day, usually,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What do you think about?” he said after about five seconds.

Dakota Fanning said she usually didn’t think about sex at first. She thought about writing an essay or doing other schoolwork until she was ready to orgasm and then she thought about different people. She said she always thought about Haley Joel Osment when she orgasmed. They talked some more about sexual things. Haley Joel Osment said he had to think about different people to stay aroused for a long time. Dakota Fanning was quiet and then said she needed to pee and left the bed.

A few hours later they were on a bed they had made on the floor. It was light outside. They had not slept. Haley Joel Osment was crying a little on his back with his arms by his sides. Dakota Fanning was kneeling over him saying “Please don’t cry, please don’t cry” while lightly touching and sometimes hugging him.

About ten minutes later Haley Joel Osment was thinking “She is crying alone ‘over there’ ” with his eyes closed while still on his back. Dakota Fanning was on her side facing away. She rolled toward him and hugged him very hard and went downstairs. Haley Joel Osment thought about why she hugged him so hard. He went downstairs. In a bathroom the door to the area with a toilet and a bathtub was locked.

Haley Joel Osment said “Dakota” a few times and tried to open the door. He walked away and sat on the edge of a guest bed. He walked to the door and knocked. He sat on the floor. “Please let me in,” he said in a high-pitched voice. “I’m afraid. Please. Dakota.” He heard metallic noises. He opened the door. Dakota Fanning was standing in the bathtub wrapped in the shower curtain. He unwrapped the shower curtain. There was blood on the front of Dakota Fanning’s bright-orange American Apparel dress.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

They sat on the edge of the guest bed. He moved her dress and saw cuts on her chest. She said she had lied about the scars on her thighs being from cutting too deep when she wanted a little blood to use in Valentine’s cards for her friends. She said she had cut her thighs because she hated herself and wanted to remind herself of things. She said something about tape man. “You probably think I’m a stupid melodramatic 12-year-old now,” she said.

They talked for about thirty minutes.

Dakota Fanning said she wouldn’t cut herself anymore.

They slept until around 2:30 p.m. and then drove to the beach. They looked at many dead jellyfish on the sand. They put their clothes and sandals on a towel. Dakota Fanning was in her underwear. Haley Joel Osment asked if her cuts would hurt in the water and she said probably but that she didn’t care. They jumped against the waves and swam parallel to the shore. On the drive to Haley Joel Osment’s parents’ house the sky was red and purple and other colors.

They parked under a bridge and looked at dolphins in the distance.

At Haley Joel Osment’s parents’ house they showered together and drank smoothies.

Around 11:00 p.m. they walked about thirty minutes to Blockbuster Video and rented a movie about corporations and a movie about a depressed Japanese person in Bangkok. They drank coffee and watched both movies. During the second movie Dakota Fanning stood and walked to different areas of the living room while looking at the TV screen. Haley Joel Osment asked what she was doing. She said she was moving so she wouldn’t fall asleep. “I’m glad she wants to stay awake, but I don’t know,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “Is that really the best way.”

Around 5:00 a.m. they went upstairs to Haley Joel Osment’s room. Dakota Fanning talked about wanting drum lessons. Haley Joel Osment asked why she wanted that if she already didn’t have time to do other things. After a few minutes she said she didn’t want drum lessons. Haley Joel Osment became upset that she was wearing her purple dress on their last night together instead of the orange dress. She said her orange dress was dirty. Haley Joel Osment said she could have washed it in the bathtub when they got back from the beach.

Around 8:30 a.m. they drove to the airport.

Dakota Fanning went to New Jersey.

That afternoon Haley Joel Osment text-messaged her and she said she was surprised. On Gmail chat he asked why she had been surprised. “I don’t know,” she said. “You just seemed upset this morning. I thought either you were never going to talk to me again or you’d just stop for a few days.”

“How do you feel now,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I feel okay. I’m happy you’re talking to me because I was very worried and depressed and lonely all day but I still feel sad because we’re so far away.”

“Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment.

A few days later on Gmail chat around 1:00 a.m. Dakota Fanning said she had to sleep because she was leaving around 4:00 a.m. for a tow-truck convention in Texas with her mother. Haley Joel Osment said something about how in Florida Dakota Fanning had said she was going to make a stuffed dog for his mother.

“I am,” she said. “But I can’t until I get back from Texas.”

“Are you tired,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Yes, I am tired. Do you want me to stay?”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Are you sure? I’ll stay.”

“Take caffeine when you are tired,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I want to figure out why you don’t take caffeine right now. I was always the one to make us take it. Or else we’d be sitting there feeling shitty the entire time in Florida. I want to figure out why that is.”

“I took it all day today on my own,” said Dakota Fanning. “I didn’t take it now because I should sleep before I leave. I’m not like you, I can’t sleep 14 hours a day. I need to sleep a little tonight because I probably won’t be able to sleep when I get to Texas because I can’t sleep well in hotels. It’s not good to just continuously take caffeine and never sleep I think.”

“Why isn’t it good to never sleep? I mean when you’re with someone. Not when you’re alone. I mean you only started taking the pills after I said things in Florida. So I feel like I’m the only person wanting to stay awake and actually do things with the other person.”

“That was bad,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m sorry to make you feel that way. I will remind myself to get out of the habit of waiting for you to do things first. I waited in Epcot because I didn’t think you wanted to drink their shitty coffee so I was nervous about it so I waited until you asked.”

“But I like it when someone I like wants to drink coffee on their own volition in order to be more alive around me,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Why would you not want that, I still don’t understand.”

“I do want that but I always wait until you want it too.”

“But tell me why,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I wait to ask because I’m a robot. I told you this before. I need your approval for pretty much everything. I’m a robot. I wait for you to say things because I’m too afraid to ask or say things that I’m not sure you will approve of. That is bad. I will remember. It’s wrong to wait for you to ask instead of just asking myself for coffee.” Dakota Fanning typed coffee as caffe and Haley Joel Osment stared at that. “It’s not wrong,” he said. “It’s what you do naturally. Tell me why. Also if you want to lose weight why would you want to drink that smoothie instead of a normal green tea at Wal-Mart?”

“Because I don’t understand how important caffeine is I guess. I didn’t think caffeine would make me walk longer distances or something. I thought it would just make me awake and faster.”

“Even if you don’t feel better, wouldn’t you think it would make me feel happier if I saw that you wanted to try to have more energy to match what you say instead of doing the opposite of what you say?”

“I really didn’t think that,” said Dakota Fanning. “Yes it would. I’m stupid for not thinking that way.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to make yourself awake and faster, if you think you’re boring to me? I’m not angry or accusing you of anything. I just want to know.”

“I need to be more extreme I think,” said Dakota Fanning. “Getting caffeine or making sure I don’t have bad breath should be as important as making sure I go to the bathroom before I piss myself. I will make it as important. I was very careless and selfish. Doing things to make you more comfortable and happy should be more important than anything for myself. When we were driving I should have asked you to stop somewhere so I could get coffee and mints or something just as I asked to pee. I want to be considerate and energetic for you, I don’t care about not sleeping anymore. That isn’t important. I want to stay and talk with you. I should be glad when I’m not sleeping because then I have more time to do better things like talking to you and exercising and reading.”

“You shouldn’t ‘should’ anything,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Just think about what you do that you do without thinking to do it, like stopping to pee, why do you want that more than what you say you actually want? It can only mean that you don’t actually want what you just typed. You are extreme when you cut yourself or starve yourself but not when it involves me. I’ve made you less extreme. You are just comfortable with me. You don’t go running or stay up all night.”

“I didn’t realize how shitty I was acting,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m not extreme enough. The only reason anyone could say why I act differently than how I say I want to act is because I’m selfish and don’t care as much as I say or don’t really understand what it means to be in a relationship or that I am too comfortable with you. I feel terrible to say that but that is it. I think it’s good for me to say it because it hurts me and makes me want to do more. I think for a long time I said I liked you but I didn’t really know what I was doing. I know all you want is to be happy with me because you really do like me a lot. I’m very stupid, why aren’t I doing more for someone I think is so good and kind and that I like. I’m also hurting myself when I don’t do what I say, when I don’t exercise more or eat right. You think I like that better than you but I’m very unhappy when I do that. Being lazy and a cheese beast is no different than doing drugs. It takes a long time to stop even if the person is unhappy. If I really preferred being an asshole and a cheese beast I would have left you.”

They continued typing things on Gmail chat.

Around 2:30 a.m. Haley Joel Osment was confused a few minutes then said “I do know what I’m talking about, but it’s too hard to explain. I don’t care if you don’t sleep and get a cold. A parent would care about that, or a couple that has been together for like 40 years and is only with each other because they are used to it. If you’ve just met someone you’re aware that it would make each of you happier to stay up all night and get sick than to sleep and not get sick. So that is what happens. Later it gets boring and they stay together only as place-holders.”

“That is a good way to explain,” said Dakota Fanning. “You’re right that it is better to just do it and deal with consequences later than never do anything and have life be boring.”

“So I wouldn’t stop you if you wanted to go running today for two hours and maybe get a cold later, because I would know that you would be happier doing that, and happiness is all that matters really,” said Haley Joel Osment feeling vaguely confused. “If you have a cold and are happy it is better than not having a cold and being unhappy. I mean I would know you would be happier doing that if I know that you really mean what you say, about wanting to do things like that. I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore I think. I’m going to pee and make a smoothie.” About ten minutes later he said “I want to feel pressured in the same way you feel pressured now. If you kept wanting to drink coffee and stay up I would feel pressured and also want to drink coffee, or if you went running instead of complaining about being fat I would feel pressured to do things that would make you happier. I want to feel pressured in that way. But you’re right. I stay with you because I do pretty much believe you want that also.”

“Because you don’t get angry when I tell you,” he said.

“Where are you,” he said. “Are you still there.”

“I’m here. I’m just thinking and putting everything in a word document to read again. As usual there isn’t much I can say. I can just read what you say and then think and do things and think about what I’m doing and whether or not it would make you happy or make you feel like I don’t like you as much as you like me.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m not angry, I just wanted to try to find out more.” A few minutes later he said he really expected her to stay up all night last night to make the stuffed dog for his mother. “I don’t know,” he said. Dakota Fanning said she was going to try to get her mother to bring her to Wal-Mart before the airport so she could buy materials to make the stuffed dog in Texas. She said she was also sending flowers to Haley Joel Osment’s mother. “I should have already done it,” she said. “You’re right.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t run to Wal-Mart today to get the materials,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Or why you didn’t have an overwhelming urge to do that.”

“I’m fucked,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Did you see what I typed,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Not past ‘I don’t know.’ What did you say.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t run to Wal-Mart today to get the materials. Or why you didn’t have an overwhelming urge to do that. It’s like there is a blue pen, a blue and red pen, and a red pen in front of a person and they say they like the blue pen most. But they always use the red pen and then say ‘sorry, next time I will choose the blue and red pen.’ Never mind. I know it’s hard for you to change. I think I’m not upset as long as I know you’re trying and still want to do it and don’t get angry at me when I show how your actions don’t match your words. But I still get upset and frustrated.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’ve copied and pasted things to read. And I’m going to take my orange notebook with me whenever I go places and I am going to write down what I’m thinking and keep the things you’ve said in there. My mom will be awake in 15 minutes or so. I want to shower and get dressed so I can help her get everything done in time to leave early so I can get materials from Wal-Mart.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Is there anything else you want to say.”

Dakota Fanning thanked him for being patient and spending time to make her CDs. She said she missed him. “Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning called from Texas one night saying that at dinner with her mother’s co-workers everyone at the table including an obese party girl lectured her about college and veganism for a long time after she said school was stupid. Haley Joel Osment said she shouldn’t tell party girls or cheese beasts things like that. One night she called crying and said she ate the vegetables off a pizza and threw up. “Her reaction seems worse than what she did,” thought Haley Joel Osment after the call. “She is really trying to change, so it is affecting her a lot, maybe.” Dakota Fanning returned to New Jersey August 13 and emailed Haley Joel Osment photographs from her digital camera of things in Texas including an advertisement for “cheese curds” that showed ten things in a box and said “curiously delicious.”

She began using her mother’s exercise machine and emailing Haley Joel Osment photos showing how long she exercised and how many calories the machine said she burned.

* * *

In Florida Haley Joel Osment drove his mother’s Honda CRV almost every day to Whole Foods using her credit card to buy things to eat or mail to Dakota Fanning. He replaced some of his mother’s things with organic versions of the same thing. He made three to five smoothies a day and recorded himself playing piano and drums and mailed a CD of it and some DVDs he liked to Dakota Fanning. He recorded drums over a Chopin étude. He recorded a twenty-two-minute drum solo for Dakota Fanning to listen to while exercising. He drove to Wal-Mart, Kmart, Walgreens, Barnes & Noble, Borders, Albertsons, CVS and stole Moleskine notebooks and Energizer e^2 Lithium batteries and hearing-aid batteries to sell on eBay. One afternoon in his room he organized a large pile of stolen goods into a square, photographed it many times, emailed one photo to Dakota Fanning. He visited his father in jail twice a week with his mother whose plans had changed and was no longer leaving America. One night in Barnes & Noble Haley Joel Osment picked up five large Moleskine notebooks and walked outside and put them in the Honda CRV, went in Barnes & Noble, picked up five large Moleskine notebooks, walked outside, ran to the Honda CRV. Four or five employees ran out of Barnes & Noble shouting things. Haley Joel Osment put his head very low in the Honda CRV. After about a minute he drove out of the parking lot with a neutral facial expression thinking “Yes” and sometimes “Victory.” He drove home listening to music very loud with the windows down.

During the two months Haley Joel Osment was in Florida he visited Dakota Fanning twice.

His first visit was in late August. He arrived at night and Dakota Fanning met him on the platform wearing a blue dress and high heels. He hugged her and said her body felt warm and that she looked sexy. They walked past the playground to the Delaware River and lay on their backs on the concrete slab and asked each other questions about people they liked in elementary and middle school. “I feel extremely alert and calm and interested,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “I haven’t felt this way before while with someone I think. The moonlight here seems like sunlight a little.” They kissed and began to touch each other. Dakota Fanning said people would see. Haley Joel Osment said it would be good if people saw. “I’m sorry,” said Dakota Fanning later. “I was being scared again.” They rented a car and drove to the top of a mountain and to New York City. They baked organic vegan biscuits for Aladdin. They went in the woods to look at tadpoles and had sex by a pond and Dakota Fanning removed her underwear which had a little blood on it from the end of her period. Haley Joel Osment said they should put it in the mailbox of the person who raped her and she grinned and said “No, that’s mean” and Haley Joel Osment felt strange and calm and very quiet a few hours. Their last night together they went to the ledge around midnight and had sex. “Did your mom ever see your room on Wall Street?” said Dakota Fanning on the street walking to her house.

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning.

“It was good,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I liked it,” said Dakota Fanning.

“We’ll never be in that room again,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Japan has a lot of rooms without windows probably,” said Dakota Fanning.

A police car came toward and went past them.

“What if the policeman yelled ‘fuck you’ at us?” said Haley Joel Osment.

In Dakota Fanning’s room they listened to music and said the names of people they both knew and then drew those people at the same time and then showed each other what they had drawn. Haley Joel Osment saw something in the corner and held it a little while Dakota Fanning was in the bathroom. It was the heart monitor she stole a few weeks ago. She hadn’t brought it to his apartment. “I never asked about it,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “She probably thought I thought it was stupid that she wanted it.” Around 3:00 a.m. they left for the train platform. Haley Joel Osment walked without touching or looking at Dakota Fanning. He was thinking that she didn’t offer to carry his bag. She had offered other times and was now doing less. Next time she would do even less. “Don’t think that,” he thought staring ahead. “Should I not think that? What should I think then?” Dakota Fanning stopped walking and cried on the sidewalk with her arms at her sides. Haley Joel Osment turned and walked to her and said “Think about what you want to do then either do it or don’t do it, just choose something and do it.” She carried Haley Joel Osment’s bag with her shoulder and held him and looked at his face with an expectant facial expression as they walked toward the train. He did not look at her or reciprocate her touch. After a few minutes he looked at her and said “Thank you for carrying my bag” and they walked to the train with their arms around each other.

His second visit was in mid-September. Dakota Fanning had bought a fish and he asked why she did that if she didn’t have time to do other things. The next afternoon he said more things about the fish. “It doesn’t matter anyway,” said Dakota Fanning. “I went to feed it this morning and it was floating upside-down.” They looked for room-for-rent flyers in diners and cafés using Dakota Fanning’s mother’s car which she had begun letting Haley Joel Osment drive. They found someone named Sean Strub who was renting two rooms above an upscale restaurant he was reopening soon. The restaurant had a gravel parking lot and was in a forested area by a river. Haley Joel Osment chose the smaller room. “I’m happy you’re moving here,” said Dakota Fanning on the drive to her house.

“Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Sean Strub.”

“I’m sorry I never found you an apartment before.”

“It’s okay, you tried,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Don’t worry.”

He patted her thigh and leaned toward her and they kissed.

As they were leaving the car Dakota Fanning sang lyrics to a song they had been listening to on repeat. In the kitchen she smiled at Haley Joel Osment and gave him a cup of water. Haley Joel Osment held the cup and said he felt bad when she sang the lyrics. She stopped smiling and looked down without moving her head. “I wasn’t thinking,” she said after a few seconds.

“I know,” said Haley Joel Osment. “People sing like that when they aren’t focused on anyone except themselves. It makes the people around them feel alone. Do you understand why a person would feel bad about that?”

Haley Joel Osment went to Florida and put things on eBay and read a Richard Yates novel that ended with an alcoholic man’s ex-wife visiting him in a mental hospital asking what he’ll do when he leaves, causing him to display a confused facial expression because he had not considered ever leaving, after which a nurse wheels him to his room. Haley Joel Osment returned to New Jersey after about a week and stayed a few days in Dakota Fanning’s brother’s room. Dakota Fanning’s brother had returned to college. Dakota Fanning’s mother had offered the room to Haley Joel Osment for $300 a month but he and Dakota Fanning had decided it was better if he lived somewhere else. His room above the restaurant was $400 a month and about a twelve-minute drive to Dakota Fanning’s house and a ten-minute walk to the closest town which had a health food store, a post office, a restaurant called Chang Mao. Dakota Fanning said she could ride her bike to visit Haley Joel Osment each day after school. She said her mother wouldn’t let her but she could do it anyway. Haley Joel Osment thought he could walk to her house some days. “It would take maybe eighty minutes,” he thought. “I would listen to music while walking.” October 1 they bought two twin-size mattresses that were stained and a little moist for $35 from a yard sale. They bought waterproof mattress from Wal-Mart. They cleaned the mattresses using sponges and detergent and set them upright in Haley Joel Osment’s new room with the windows up. Dakota Fanning was wearing a green dress from H&M. They photographed each other hiding in cardboard boxes. They drove to Dakota Fanning’s house. The next night Haley Joel Osment was alone in the dark on his new bed. His internet wasn’t working. He had bought a computer off eBay for $250 and the monitor was on a cardboard box by his bed. In a corner was a Martha Stewart clothing rack from Wal-Mart. By the door was a $40 mini-refrigerator from eBay. The room was very quiet except sometimes a car passed outside. It was Sunday. The restaurant downstairs had not yet reopened.

“I’m so alone here,” said Haley Joel Osment the next day on the phone.

“Do you want me to ride my bike there?” said Dakota Fanning.

“Your mom,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I can get there in forty minutes and stay for like an hour and come back.”

Haley Joel Osment made a noise.

“It doesn’t seem worth it,” he said.

They made plans to attend a two-day film festival that weekend.

Saturday afternoon Dakota Fanning’s mother drove Dakota Fanning to the restaurant. Dakota Fanning gave Haley Joel Osment a glass container of organic tempeh, brown rice, onion, hijiki and he put it in his mini-refrigerator. They walked toward the film festival holding hands on a two-lane street between a forest and a river.

“Let me walk on the outside,” said Dakota Fanning. “It’s dangerous.”

“If a car hits me my hoodie will be padding and I won’t be hurt,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I have more meat,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Meat isn’t as soft as my hoodie.”

“It’s better if I die,” said Dakota Fanning. “You’re better than me.”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What do you mean?”

“If you die I’ll probably just cry in my room for two years. If I die you’ll keep writing books.”

“I would write about you,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Let me walk on the outside,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “If you really want to.”

At the film festival they went in a tent of about twenty-five people watching short films. Dakota Fanning took a bottle from her bag and said “Would you like some water?” Haley Joel Osment said “Yes. Thank you.” Onscreen a teenage girl sleeping under an overpass went into an obese man’s truck. After a few minutes the truck broke and they sat by it drinking whiskey and then slow-danced on the street in the dark. The next film showed an obese man drinking beer in a bar.

Dakota Fanning’s mother called saying she was coming.

“Sorry,” said Dakota Fanning outside the tent. “She’s being a beast. She was screaming into the phone.”

“It’s okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Thank you for offering me water, that was nice.”

Dakota Fanning’s mother was driving her brother-in-law’s SUV that had two TVs and maybe twelve cup-holders. Haley Joel Osment thought about saying it was out-of-control. “It’s out-of-control,” he said and Dakota Fanning’s mother laughed a little. “I know it’s not environmentally responsible, but I have to say, I could get used to this,” she said. “Just feel these seats.”

“I like them,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Comfortable.”

“Thank you for the ride,” he said at the restaurant.

“See you tomorrow,” he said to Dakota Fanning.

The next afternoon Dakota Fanning brought flaxseed bread, a bag of apples, one of two cases of Luna Bars Haley Joel Osment stole from a Duane Reade in Penn Station about a week ago, a container of organic tofu and onions with olive oil and sea salt. She was wearing black eyeliner.

“It looks really good,” said Haley Joel Osment grinning.

“I wanted to do something different to surprise you.”

“I like it,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Goth.”

“It took me a long time. I kept messing up.”

“What did the beast say?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“She just said it looked stupid. She said something like ‘I hope you aren’t doing that all the time now because it looks really stupid.’ ”

“I think it looks really good. I wasn’t expecting this at all.”

They lay holding each other without talking. They had sex. Dakota Fanning was not on birth control anymore. They had been having sex when she was not able to become pregnant. She had been having problems getting wet the past few weeks but they had not talked about it. She orgasmed and asked Haley Joel Osment if he orgasmed. He said he did not. Dakota Fanning pushed him a little and he lay on his back and lifted his head and looked at her face with a neutral facial expression and thought “She looks very sexy.”

After a few minutes he orgasmed.

They lay without talking for about ten minutes.

At the film festival Dakota Fanning was in the bathroom more than five minutes. “Is she doing something, did something happen?” thought Haley Joel Osment. She came out and Haley Joel Osment became upset about something. About a minute later he was upset about something else, that she wasn’t making him feel better. He stared at the ground feeling her looking at him and then felt a little confused as he looked at her staring at the ground.

They went in the theatre. The movie had begun. An organizer made arm movements indicating seats were available. They sat near the middle of the theatre. Onscreen two people were in a bathtub looking at each other. Dakota Fanning moved her hand toward Haley Joel Osment’s lap. He held her hand and patted it. He moved both their hands onto her lap. “Now I sort of expect her to move our hands back to my lap,” he thought. “Seems like our hands are always in her lap. Why am I thinking this, I don’t want to think this.” The movie was about a romantic relationship. One scene showed a man speaking in a monologue while the camera moved around his head in a continuous 360-degree motion.

A few days later Haley Joel Osment went to stay in Dakota Fanning’s brother’s room. Dakota Fanning’s mother had said to Dakota Fanning that Haley Joel Osment was welcome to stay in her brother’s room sometimes. Each morning around 6:00 a.m. Dakota Fanning brought Haley Joel Osment a smoothie and bread with sunflower seed butter while he was in bed and then prepared something for him to eat while she was at school. Dakota Fanning’s mother woke at 7:20 a.m. and left for work around 8:00 a.m. and Haley Joel Osment slept until around 11:00 a.m. then showered and looked at the internet and worked on things until Dakota Fanning came home around 2:30 p.m. Dakota Fanning performed oral sex on him three mornings in a row and he was quiet and did not move while it was happening. One morning she brought him untoasted bread and he said he liked his bread toasted and she apologized and said she didn’t know but should have asked and he said he had told her already and also had eaten it toasted in her presence. Dakota Fanning was apologizing many times a day and then writing in a Moleskine notebook what she did wrong, why it was wrong based on what she wanted in life, how she wanted to act in the future. Haley Joel Osment sometimes said something wasn’t written correctly and she would rewrite it and it still wouldn’t be correct and then she would have two things to write about, then sometimes three things, and this would sometimes continue more than one hour. Dakota Fanning had been apologizing and then writing things in this manner since late August when Haley Joel Osment said that people probably needed to do concrete things in order to change, not just say they will change. One night she lost her notebook and found it and said she would always keep it with her and after that when she forgot to bring it to the bathroom or left it downstairs or somewhere else Haley Joel Osment became upset if she did not do something new and concrete, in addition to writing about it, to help her change, like putting sticky-notes on doors. He sometimes became upset even if she did something and stayed upset one to five hours before apologizing. Other promises she had made since Haley Joel Osment’s visit in late August included giving him water every time they entered the house and never eating anything she made for him.

After four days Haley Joel Osment said he had been mean recently and wanted to be nicer. Dakota Fanning said she also thought he had been mean recently and had been thinking that if she just kept being nice to him he would eventually be nicer. He began waking early to make her breakfast and walk with her to the bus stop and meet her at the bus stop after school. He vacuumed the house and cleaned the kitchen. A few days later Dakota Fanning’s mother drove him to the restaurant. “I was poisoned last night I think,” said Dakota Fanning in an email the next day. “I kept hearing things and felt very afraid and put my whole body and head under all my blankets and stayed awake until a little after 3:00 in the morning I think because I was so afraid. I thought I heard my door open and shut slowly and I heard breathing noises. Then after I finally fell asleep and woke in the morning I felt terrible. I threw up 4 times. I kept drinking water and then throwing up. Someone was in my room last night and poisoned me. I don’t know how I will be able to sleep tonight. I’m very afraid.” The next night on Gmail chat she said “My ears, body, head, and neck all ache terribly. I’m very cold all the time. My nose is runny and all the glands in my throat are really swollen and hurt really bad when I touch them or swallow.” Haley Joel Osment said she should take a lot of medicine and a bath and lie down and rest very hard. She said she was going to shower and take more medicine and make water bottles for her room and lie down. “I miss you,” she said.

“Me too,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Just take the drowsy medicine and sleep.”

“I’m sorry you have to be alone so far away,” said Dakota Fanning.

“It’s okay. Text me when you wake later.”

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “Good night.”

A few hours later Haley Joel Osment emailed her Microsoft Paint drawings of an animal bred for optimal use in bestiality and an extremely rare species of fish named strubco@aol.com after Sean Strub’s email address. The email said he was going to find an umbrella and walk to Chang Mao. “But the road is so dark a hummer will probably knock me 30 feet into the forest,” said the email. “If I don’t answer your emails tomorrow can you send a search team specifying to search between 25 to 35 feet into the forest?” He went outside his room to an area with a life-size plaster bear wearing a sombrero and some cabinets with small cereal boxes inside that he had found and eaten the contents of one night. He found no umbrella. He went in his room and put on a green hooded sweatshirt. He photographed himself with his cell phone in the bathroom mirror and sent it to Dakota Fanning’s email account. He walked on the street in the dark toward Chang Mao. It was raining a little. He photographed his face in the green hood. He looked at the photo and sent it to Dakota Fanning’s email account. At Chang Mao he ordered bean curd in garlic sauce. He walked holding his cell phone with one hand and his food with another hand to his room. He put his cell phone next to a Richard Yates novel being used as a mouse pad. He sat on the wood floor and ate Chinese food while looking at his cell phone. He finished eating. He looked at his email. He looked at his cell phone. It was 11:39 p.m. Haley Joel Osment thought he would shower. He removed his clothes. He put his cell phone on the floor outside the stand-up shower.

“I’ll be able to hear it vibrating against the tile,” he thought.

He finished showering and looked at his cell phone. He dried himself and did fifty jumping jacks. He put on clothes and picked up his cell phone. He sat on the floor facing his computer screen with his back against the side of his bed. He put in earphones. He set his cell phone upright facing him. He opened a Microsoft Word file of his poetry. He searched Dakota Fanning’s name on the internet and found something he hadn’t seen before. She had written on a band’s message board a few years ago thanking them for their CD and promotional stickers. Haley Joel Osment read the message a few times. He thought about Dakota Fanning walking home after school in nice weather, seeing a package at her front door, carrying it upstairs into her room alone in the house, carefully opening it with a neutral facial expression feeling excited and calm and a little lonely.

A few days later at Dakota Fanning’s house Haley Joel Osment looked at her internet browser’s history and saw that she had searched “bulimia,” “vomit inducers,” “vomit inducers for toddlers” and that she had looked at photos of Matt Dixon and John and herself on MySpace. “Matt Dixon is attractive and Dakota looked at him a lot,” he thought. “She didn’t look at my MySpace photos. I look at photos of her a lot.” He masturbated to internet porn using a different browser. He reset the browser’s cache. About an hour later he walked to the bus stop. Dakota Fanning stepped off the bus. They walked holding hands toward her house. Dakota Fanning asked what he did today. “After I left the bus stop I worked on a to-do list and did push-ups in my room until your mom left,” he said. “Then I made coffee and drank it with ice and soymilk and did things on the computer. I worked on editing. I ate the pasta bowl you made me. Then I drew things for you and taped them to places in your room. Then I made peas and ate it with nutritional yeast and olive oil. I made a smoothie also. Then I vacuumed downstairs and upstairs and cleaned the computer room a little. Then I washed dishes and made you a smoothie and came to the bus stop.” Dakota Fanning showed Haley Joel Osment drawings she did of violinists that came to her school that day to perform for everyone. Haley Joel Osment said he liked the drawings and was quiet and then said “I looked at your internet browser’s history today.”

“What did it say?” said Dakota Fanning looking ahead.

“It just said you looked at Matt Dixon’s MySpace page and clothes and pictures of yourself.”

“Oh,” said Dakota Fanning and was quiet for about ten seconds.

“Did you do anything else today that you didn’t say?” she said.

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment with a very neutral facial expression. “Except like answering emails and reading blogs.” They walked past a few houses without talking. Some trees had leaves that were becoming yellow and orange. Haley Joel Osment remembered when Dakota Fanning said on the phone a few months ago that her family had planned to move to a different town but her mother decided to add a second floor instead. “It said you looked up vomit inducers,” he said walking across her front yard.

“Why did you look up vomit inducers?” he said at her front door.

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning going in her house. “I was just curious. I wasn’t going to actually get one or anything.” She gave Haley Joel Osment a cup of water. She unrolled her Pilates mat on the living room floor. She began to do Pilates to a DVD. Haley Joel Osment walked to the post office. He mailed batteries in flat-rate priority envelopes to Mexico and Tennessee. He walked for about three minutes. He went in Dakota Fanning’s house. Dakota Fanning was doing leg stretches. He went upstairs and sat in front of the computer.

“It said you looked up bulimia on the internet,” he said a few hours later in bed. “Why did you look up bulimia?” Dakota Fanning’s head was on his chest. She was quiet for about twenty seconds and then said she had been throwing up after she ate. Haley Joel Osment petted her hair a few seconds. He asked how often she threw up. She said just a few times. Haley Joel Osment calmly asked more questions. Dakota Fanning said she had been lying about what she ate. She had been eating some of the food she made each morning for Haley Joel Osment. She had eaten her mother’s Halloween candy when Haley Joel Osment was at the post office.

“You waited until I went to the post office and then ate the candy?”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning.

“What if I forgot something and came back?”

“I didn’t think about that.”

“What candy did you eat?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“A peanut butter cup and a caramel thing.”

“What was the caramel thing?”

“Just some shitty caramel thing,” said Dakota Fanning. “I don’t even know what it was.”

“Did it taste good?” said Haley Joel Osment petting her arm and shoulder softly.

“Yes,” she said.

“Was it vegan?”

“I don’t think so, no, it wasn’t vegan.”

Haley Joel Osment asked if she lied about anything else. She said she lied when she said she only threw up a few times. She had been throwing up almost every day but only once a day. Haley Joel Osment said to tell him everything she had lied about. She said she was afraid and embarrassed and that she felt bad. “It’s okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Just don’t lie to me from now on.” He asked if there were more things she had lied about. She said she had to think. She said she was still thinking. After about two minutes she said she was still thinking. Haley Joel Osment stared at the wood ceiling fan thinking that now he would only focus on helping Dakota Fanning get better and making her feel happy and comfortable. He thought that he didn’t feel confused. He felt meaningful. Dakota Fanning said some more things she had lied about. Haley Joel Osment said she should tell him everything she had lied about so there wouldn’t be any lies between them. He asked her to go through all their emails and Gmail chats and find all the lies and write them in one email to him. She said she would do that. He said she should eat and do whatever she wanted from now on and not worry about making him upset and not throw up even if she ate something bad.

“Okay,” she said. “I won’t throw up anymore.”

A few days later Dakota Fanning’s mother drove Haley Joel Osment to the restaurant. He and Dakota Fanning carried things he bought from the health food store upstairs into his room. “Thank you for helping me this week,” said Dakota Fanning. “You’re welcome,” said Haley Joel Osment. “How do you feel?” Dakota Fanning said she felt good. They kissed and she undid his belt and they had sex for about two minutes and she went downstairs into her mother’s car. The next night Haley Joel Osment emailed that he was a little sad she didn’t email him that morning. Dakota Fanning emailed that she was worried throughout the day at school about not emailing him in the morning. “I should have gotten up earlier,” she said. “I’m writing about it in my book before I sleep. I cried in the kitchen tonight while thinking about how lonely you must have felt.”

That night on Gmail chat Haley Joel Osment asked what she did that morning.

“I did sit ups in the bathroom then showered.”

“Then what,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Then I went to the computer but my mom was using it so I went downstairs and ate cereal and took my vitamins.”

“I thought you made pasta last night?”

“I did but I brought it with me to eat in the car.”

“Did you lie to me today or last night?”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment quickly typed “what” without thinking then felt confused and a little dizzy as he stared at what Dakota Fanning had typed.

“I lied about the pasta,” she said.

“What’s that,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What.”

“I didn’t make it last night and eat it today. I had cereal for breakfast, carrot soup and beets for lunch, and then seaweed salad later.” Haley Joel Osment quoted an email Dakota Fanning sent last night that said “When I got home I got my laundry and folded it then put it away, cleaned the kitchen, your bathroom, cooked dinner and made soybean pasta for tomorrow” and asked if it was a lie.

“Yes. I only got my laundry and then I ate a lot of cereal and threw up.”

“So you threw up after you had told me you wouldn’t throw up even if you ate something bad.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” said Dakota Fanning.

“And you lied when you told me in bed that you wouldn’t lie anymore.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” said Dakota Fanning.

“If you stopped lying I could help you with throwing up. But since you continued to lie after saying you wouldn’t lie I don’t think I can be with you anymore. I really can’t be with you.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” said Dakota Fanning. “I can change.”

“Did you write anything for throwing up,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“No, I should do it for that. I will do it for that.”

“We aren’t dating anymore,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I still need to go to your house so I can get to the airport,” he said about going to Georgia and Florida in about a week for writing-related things and to visit his mother. “You don’t ever want to talk to me again after you leave, or not until I have worked and changed on my own?” said Dakota Fanning. “I asked you to your face if you would throw up again,” said Haley Joel Osment. “And you told me in bed that you wouldn’t lie again.”

“I will not throw up again,” said Dakota Fanning. “That is not a lie. I will not do it again. When you stayed with me the last week I improved a lot. You probably won’t think so because I lied but I was able to admit that I lied. I wasn’t able to do that before. I didn’t throw up while you were here. I don’t feel like binge eating when we’re together. You were happy when you were here. I was doing much better. It is possible.”

“What else have you lied about today and yesterday?”

“I didn’t just buy the vegan burgers and tomato and soymilk yesterday but I bought cereal and a bag of candies and I ate the cereal and candies and then threw up. Then today I didn’t do sit-ups before I showered in the morning. I didn’t exercise when I got home. I didn’t just get seaweed salad but I got vegetables and noodles and rice and I ate the vegetables and noodles and rice and my mom’s cookies and cereal and fruit snacks and a popcorn ball and then threw up and saved the seaweed salad for tomorrow when I would have a normal day without throwing up. And during the day I ate a granola bar and Oreos in the car.”

“What else did you lie about? You lied even after you said ‘I won’t lie anymore’ just a few minutes ago.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Just tell me everything you lied about right now.”

“I am. I think I have said everything but I am thinking still. That is everything. I didn’t lie about anything else except things in emails and chats and I’m going to email you those.”

“Did you throw up while I was there?”

“During this time or in the past?”

“Both,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I didn’t throw up during this time and I have only thrown up once while you were here and that was one time when I went to ride my bike to exercise and I bought food at Shop Rite and threw up after eating it behind Shop Rite and then when I got home I threw up the rest while you were still in bed. I lied when I told you I threw up before I met you. I had only done it like 3 times I think from when I was 13 until I met you. I also lied at how much I was doing it. I think I told you I was only doing it like once a day every other day. In the beginning it was like that and then when it was the worst I was throwing up 3–4 times a day every day.”

“What were you thinking about when you bought the candy yesterday?”

“I was thinking ‘don’t do this, please don’t do this’ and I debated whether or not it was better to buy this trail mix stuff I bought before and ate a lot of instead of the candies and thought about if I did throw up which would be easier to throw up and which would be better if I couldn’t throw up everything and I knew the trail mix would be better but I didn’t control myself.”

“What were you thinking in the car after you left my room?”

“I was thinking ‘I want to get vegan burgers and tomatoes for Haley so when he comes back on the weekend I can make him that to eat because he said he liked it a lot.’ ”

“I told you it was okay for you to eat whatever you want,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Did you remember that when you threw up yesterday and today?”

“Yes, I remembered that, but I didn’t take it literally because I thought you still wanted me to eat the way I was eating with you and would complain about me doing less if I ate more.”

“Did you throw up in Florida?”

“No. I wasn’t throwing up then I don’t think.”

“Here is the order of how bad things are,” said Haley Joel Osment. “From most bad to least bad: lying, throwing up, binge eating. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand. I just remembered that I drank a banana and cream iced smoothie thing from Starbucks.”

“You ordered what from Starbucks, what is that.”

“I don’t even know what it was, some processed artificial shit. It tasted like bananas and had the consistency of a smoothie. It had milk in it I’m sure.”

“I’m so sad,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I want to make you happy. I don’t want you to feel alone. I lied when I said I cried in the kitchen because I was sad from how lonely you must feel. I was crying because I thought about how good you are and how I wanted to change and stop throwing up but I felt afraid to say it because it sounded like a movie.”

“I don’t know what to do,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m going to sleep. You should change whether I’m with you or not. Either change or kill yourself. I’m going to sleep.”

“Yes, I agree,” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment lay on his bed with his eyes closed feeling very alert. “It makes me so sad the first thing you did after you left my room last night when we were happy was binge and vomit and then lie to me,” he said in an email about thirty minutes later. “I want to help you. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t even think about anything else but how to help you. Can I come over? I want to come over as soon as I can. I thought about what you could do, based on what I did in high school when I did therapy, and I wrote 4 paragraphs for you to read out loud.”

The next day he read an email from Dakota Fanning that said she wanted to be with him and was thinking about going to a hospital. He read a bulimia message board for about five hours and thought that the people posting on it seemed logical and funny and extreme in a non-party-girl manner that seemed attractive to him but also made him feel like “evil” existed in the world and that life was very bleak and scary.

That night Dakota Fanning sent an email of all her lies. “Whenever I told you the story about running away to Philadelphia I always said I was going to go somewhere else after Philadelphia, that the reason for going there wasn’t just to see John,” said the email. “The only reason I ran away was because I wanted to see John. I lied when I said the only reason I wanted to take drum lessons and join the band was to learn how to play the drums better to record you songs. I did want to learn so I could record you songs but I also like playing the drums on my own. I lied when I said there was only one time I threw up when you were staying here. There was only one time when I threw up in the house but there was another time when I rode my bike and got hash browns and orange juice and cinnamon rolls from Burger King and ate them there and threw up there afterward. In Texas I told you I had eaten the vegetables off the pizza only and then threw up. I ate the vegetables off the pizza and almost a whole roll of bread with oil and then I didn’t throw up at all. Once you told me you were listening to Hot Water Music and then asked if I knew who they were and I said a little and that I thought my friend put a song on a mix CD once. I didn’t know who they were and I hadn’t listened to them before. I said I would drink Edensoy when you told me it would help me get healthier but I didn’t start drinking it until after the first time you told me we were fucked. One of the times when I said I listened to the songs you recorded for me on the way home on the bus I lied and just said that to make you feel better. I listened to other music instead. The day you sent me the surfing DVD and the CD of your songs I watched the surfing DVD instead of listening to the CD when I exercised. Then I told you I listened to the CD. I listened to the CD in my room a little so I could know enough of what was on it to tell you I listened to it. I said I wanted to go out in a raft with you but I never did anything to find a raft so we actually could. I told you I was going to start being more productive when you were deciding to move here and I said I would find a job and an apartment but I didn’t do either of those. I lied the time I bought the fish and said I only bought it because I felt bad it was in the pet shop. I wanted the fish and went to the pet store to look for fish to buy. When I told you I didn’t want the fish anymore and that I shouldn’t have bought it I lied because I still liked the fish and wanted to keep it. I lied when I told you once when I was talking about the dresses being shitty that I had never worn anything that short before. I bought a miniskirt once and wore it to school with tights. I lied the night I was late in the orange dress when I said I would drink half the green tea extract before going to see you. I didn’t want to because I didn’t like how it tasted. I lied when I said I would sell things at the flea market one time. I didn’t do anything to try to do it like tell my mom I wanted to do it so she would know and then drive me there with all my things to sell. I lied when I told you I was taking the green tea pills and drinking soymilk during the time you first gave them to me and I was still in school last year. I wasn’t taking them. I didn’t take the green tea pills until after you told me we were fucked for the first time. I lied when I told you I was reading my notebook on the way to school and home. I only did that twice. I lied twice on days I said I was doing my homework in school so we could have more time together. Instead I used the computer to research colleges and look at the Edensoy website. I lied about the scar on my leg. I got it because I wanted blood for a drawing I made that I was going to send to tape man. The scars on my mid thighs are also from using blood for drawings but for Valentine’s day cards for my friends. I didn’t cut myself because I hated myself or wanted to remind myself of things. I cut myself to use the blood for drawings or because I thought it was pretty and would cut my breasts or stomach and then masturbate. The only time I did cut myself before the time in Florida because I felt sad or angry at myself was once when I cut my stomach when I was thinking about being obese. The day I went to the movies by myself I only walked to about Wendy’s and one of my brother’s friends saw me and gave me a ride to the theatre. I told you in Gmail chat I walked the 3 miles to get there. I told you I didn’t believe in Santa Claus past age 4. I’m pretty sure I didn’t stop believing in Santa Claus until I was like 7. I don’t know when exactly but it was definitely longer than 4. I lied when I wrote you a long email and said I couldn’t really listen to Bjork and Radiohead anymore. I could still listen to Bjork but was only trying to avoid listening to Radiohead. Then later I listened to Radiohead a lot for a few days. I lied when I said I couldn’t sleep well in hotels. I don’t think they make any difference than sleeping normally. I talked about why I thought it was important to get sleep and eat right and about how I was worried about my hair falling out and my skin being nasty. I am worried about those things but they weren’t the reasons I wanted to sleep. I didn’t think of those, I just thought I wanted to sleep instead of taking caffeine to talk to you more. The day you recorded piano for me I told you I was getting changed then exercising. Instead I binge ate and threw up. Then I used an old photo of the exercise machine to send you because I spent the time binge eating and throwing up instead of exercising. The day I was supposed to be making the list of things I want to change and didn’t finish I think I binge ate instead. I wrote that I just ate soybean pasta. I don’t remember what I ate or if I threw up but I’m pretty sure I spent more time eating that day than I said. On October 2 I told you I had highlighted more of my lists and read them on the way home. I highlighted but didn’t read them on the way home. The day of the night we chatted and I said I would draw you a New Zealand penguin I binge ate a little when I got home from school but didn’t throw up. I told you I had only rinsed my dad’s sprouts then exercised. On October 3 I told you I ate soybean pasta for breakfast but I think I ate a Luna Bar with peanut butter and took another Luna Bar with me and an apple to the bus. On October 4 I don’t think I ate half a vegan burger for breakfast then brought the other half to school. I don’t remember what I ate but I really don’t think I did that. During that same Gmail chat you asked me what I did 4:30–6:30. I told you I was doing homework. I think I did homework but then binge ate and threw up instead of only doing homework. On October 5 I told you I went for a walk then stopped to take pictures in the yard. I think I spent a lot of the afternoon binge eating and then throwing up and then just went out to the yard to take pictures. The day I went home to see my brother and his friends I ate apple pie with them and drank coffee with sugar and soymilk in it. Then afterward I ate more pie and threw up. Then I went back downstairs after they left and my mom went upstairs and ate more pie and ice cream and candied walnuts and threw up. I didn’t think that someone poisoned me when I told you that story. I did hear noises and hear my door opening but I didn’t think I was poisoned. I binge ate during the day and threw up a lot and started to become dehydrated so I said I had thrown up for a different reason to try to cover up spending time vomiting instead of what I said I would do. On October 16 I told you I ate soybean pasta with black beans. I ate that but I put sugar on the black beans. Then later I binge ate instead of doing Pilates I think and then threw up.”

Haley Joel Osment went to stay at Dakota Fanning’s house. He woke each day at 6:00 a.m. and made her breakfast and lunch. He did laundry and cleaned the house and did other things to allow her more time to sleep, exercise, study for the SATs, do schoolwork using the computer and therapy work in her notebook. After school she exercised and worked on things until around 5:30 p.m. when they watched DVDs or walked to the health food store and other places. Sometimes they drove about thirty minutes to Middletown to steal clothes from H&M, see movies in a theatre, buy food from a different health food store, or eat dinner at a Japanese restaurant. After a few days Dakota Fanning began waking earlier to exercise in the morning in addition to after school. Haley Joel Osment felt calm during this time and focused on being nice and encouraging and thought things like “Don’t be upset or complain about anything no matter what from now until three days after I’m back from Georgia and Florida.” Sometimes he became upset then apologized. One afternoon in the kitchen Dakota Fanning said she was getting fat and made a sad facial expression. Haley Joel Osment said she looked good and hugged her and patted her head. “Really?” she said in a serious voice. “Are you sure?” Haley Joel Osment said he was sure and hugged her and touched her hair and she said “Okay” with a very worried facial expression. One night there was a loud noise upstairs and Haley Joel Osment asked what it was and Dakota Fanning said it was her mother screaming. Dakota Fanning went upstairs and came downstairs and said someone had called saying her brother got drunk at a party and punched someone in the face and drove away and wasn’t answering his cell phone. The next twenty minutes Dakota Fanning’s mother screamed once every two to five minutes. “She’s really screaming due to being in agony,” thought Haley Joel Osment. “Short loud screams with silence in between. Like the noises people possessed by demons make in movies.” He heard Dakota Fanning’s mother shout “Fuck off, Aladdin” and then a loud yelping noise.

Dakota Fanning went upstairs a few minutes.

“What did you do?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I hugged her,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I thought your brother killed himself or something when she screamed again.”

“This is just how she copes,” said Dakota Fanning. “By screaming in agony.”

The next morning Haley Joel Osment emailed Dakota Fanning after she left for school that he would like to know more about her binge eating. She emailed from school that one time she binge ate on Kashi cereal which is really hard to throw up but she was really depressed and worried about Haley Joel Osment noticing if she gained weight so she threw it up right away anyway and was pushing so hard that she started screaming almost like weight lifters do in the world’s strongest man competition when they are lifting a car and she got up to look in the mirror and her face was bright red and swollen and she was afraid the blood vessels in her eyes were going to pop. “A lot of times I was afraid I was going to choke to death or suffocate on my own vomit,” said the email. “I’m not sure if I should tell you things like that. I feel sad when I think about things like that.”

Around 5:30 p.m. that day they walked to the health food store.

When they returned to the house Dakota Fanning’s mother was sitting at the dining room table eating an entire pizza while openly crying. The house was dark except for one light in the hallway. Dakota Fanning looked at Haley Joel Osment and began to say something and he nodded and patted her shoulder and she went through the kitchen to her mother. Haley Joel Osment looked a little at Dakota Fanning hugging her mother. He heard them calmly saying things to each other in quiet voices. He went upstairs and lay on Dakota Fanning’s bed.

The next night Dakota Fanning’s mother drove Haley Joel Osment to the restaurant. Dakota Fanning went with him into his room and they hugged and kissed and he thought “She seems happy and confident, maybe everything is okay now, but the last two times she left here she binge ate right after, would it really happen again” and she left.

“What did you do tonight?” he said later on the phone.

Dakota Fanning said she did homework.

“I did something bad,” she said.

“What did you do?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I binge ate and threw up.”

Haley Joel Osment vaguely felt a little confused.

“What happened?” he said after a few seconds.

“After we left we stopped at Price Chopper. I was just going to buy cereal but then I saw these shitty chocolate things. I kept saying not to get them but then I got them.”

“I’m going to the hospital,” she said in the morning on the phone crying. “I’ve been packing. I’m packed already. I’m going today, I already decided. I just wanted to call to let you know so you wouldn’t be worried.”

“Thank you for letting me know,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What did your mom say?”

“She just kept saying I was really brave and then talked about how she knew because she noticed that foods I normally wouldn’t eat were missing. She kept saying ‘a mother’s instinct.’ ” There were no openings until the next afternoon at the hospital. The next morning Dakota Fanning told her mother she didn’t want to go until the next day because she wanted to see Haley Joel Osment before leaving and her mother said “I don’t know what to say” and walked away and then said she got the day off from work because she thought Dakota Fanning wanted to go today and that she wouldn’t be able to get another day off, that it was hard enough for her to get today off. “She said she’s worried that I don’t want to go anymore and that I’m trying to push it off and that the longer I wait the more I will lose my ‘momentum of helping myself,’ ” said Dakota Fanning in an email. “I don’t know what to do. What do you think?” Haley Joel Osment said she should tell her mother she was going tomorrow no matter what. He said he was going to shower very fast. He refreshed his email account and saw another email from Dakota Fanning. “She talked to me,” said the email. “She started talking about how she was trying to ‘juggle too many things at once’ basically implying she just wanted me to leave so she wouldn’t have to worry about me while she is at work getting ready for the show that’s the biggest one of the year.”

Haley Joel Osment showered and put on clothes and shaved. He thought about Dakota Fanning having stayed home two days from school while putting in contact lenses and then read an email from her that said “I listened while she was talking to the doctor about me and I talked to her sometimes and she told the doctor that her stress about my brother and the things happening to my brother were probably the main cause. I told her that was wrong and she just kept talking to the doctor and said ‘well, she doesn’t think that but you know’ and then the doctor said that for insurance purposes I have to be evaluated by a doctor first and then get a referral from them to go to the hospital.” Haley Joel Osment called a taxi and went to Dakota Fanning’s house and he and Dakota Fanning talked about the hospital. People on message boards had said that in hospitals it felt like a competition for who was most extreme with their eating disorder and that patients who gained weight were viewed as weak and nurses were viewed as enemies to be defeated in a game of deception and camaraderie in which patients banded together to secretly continue to be bulimic or anorexic.

They decided it would be better if she did not go to the hospital.

The next morning Haley Joel Osment went to New York City and then Georgia. In the airport he met the editor of a magazine that had published his poetry and another author and they went in a minivan. The editor asked Haley Joel Osment if he read the new Lorrie Moore story in the New Yorker.

“Yes, it was very depressing,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m so glad,” said the editor. “I loved it.”

They drove for about an hour. Sometimes Haley Joel Osment leaned forward from the backseat and answered a question using one or two words and stayed leaning forward a few seconds then slowly leaned back in his seat. They stopped at a house. Haley Joel Osment sat on a sofa and stared at things. Everyone seemed to be in their 30s. One person had a baby. One person was pregnant. More people arrived and then everyone went to a bar. Haley Joel Osment read his poetry to about forty people and met Julia and talked to Dakota Fanning on his cell phone. About seven people including Haley Joel Osment went to a vegan restaurant known for its use of nutritional yeast. Haley Joel Osment focused on eating and did not talk. Sometimes he heard Julia say something and thought “Julia is funny.”

The next day in the editor’s poetry class at the University of Georgia Haley Joel Osment answered questions about how to get published and what internet magazines were good and then stood on the university’s campus. “You can go explore by yourself, I won’t be offended,” said the editor. “Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m going to find the internet.” He went to the university’s library and read an email from Dakota Fanning that said a transformer exploded at her school and everyone got to go home. He walked to a taco place and ate a bean burrito. He met the editor and they drove to someone’s house and Haley Joel Osment went to their computer. “Hi,” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat.

“Hi,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“How are you,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment and stared at the computer screen.

“Did you walk home?” he said after about ten seconds.

“When is the reading,” said Dakota Fanning. “No, I took the bus.”

“Sometime tonight, I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What did you do this morning,” he said.

“Can you tell me what you did this morning so we type at the same time.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m typing.”

Haley Joel Osment typed what he did and pushed enter and read that Dakota Fanning woke at 6:00 a.m. and had pissed the bed. It was bad because she also pissed the bed the night before so the mattress cover wasn’t on because it was being washed. She cleaned the mattress and washed the blankets and changed her clothes and read the page of things Haley Joel Osment typed for her to read aloud each day and then did Pilates in the living room but without her Pilates DVD and a little less than usual because she was late from having to clean the bed. She made a smoothie and showered and went to the computer and drew Haley Joel Osment a picture and emailed him. She put on clothes and made lunch and walked to the bus stop. She listened to music on the bus.

“What did you make for lunch,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Broccoli slaw with tempeh, and an apple, and I also ate a pear I got from the lunch lady during school. I drank an Edensoy box and ate a package of carrots.”

“How did you make lunch,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I just threw it in a box and cut up tempeh. I didn’t cook anything, I did it in like one minute.”

“Why didn’t you say that the first time instead of saying you just made lunch.”

“I’m sorry,” said Dakota Fanning. “I should have been more specific.”

“What did you do when you got home,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Did you have to buy the soymilk or did they have it,” said Dakota Fanning.

“They have it,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I got the mail, went to the bathroom, and ate an apple then made a smoothie and ate cereal and granola,” said Dakota Fanning. “Then I took the mattress cover upstairs and put the blankets in the dryer and put the other blanket in the washer. Then I came upstairs to check my email.”

“We’re leaving soon,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Was your lunch good,” said Dakota Fanning. “Do you know where you are going to for dinner.”

“Yes it was good, I don’t know where for dinner.”

“Will you be able to use the computer again,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What were you typing,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I wasn’t typing,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Oh, it said you were. Then it stopped and you just typed ‘no.’ Will you be home around the same time?”

“I don’t know. Have you lied to me today or yesterday. Tell me the truth now.”

“No,” said Dakota Fanning. “I haven’t lied to you today or yesterday.”

“Were you interested in anything I did today? Tell me the truth.”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning. “Were you nervous when you went to her class?”

“Never mind,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to get changed and then exercise.”

“I feel really shitty,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning said something about a hotel.

“There isn’t anyone I want to tell anything to,” said Haley Joel Osment. “And I don’t like what I’m doing. And I’m surrounded by people I don’t want to be around. And no one is interested in it enough to want to talk to me about it. I’m really fucked.”

“I’m an asshole,” said Dakota Fanning.

“That looks good,” she said vaguely.

Haley Joel Osment began typing something then stopped.

“What did you type?” said Dakota Fanning. “Do you have your phone with you?”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I just tried calling,” said Dakota Fanning.

“What are you going to do now,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Everyone’s fucked, don’t worry,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m going to get changed and exercise. And go to the bathroom too probably.”

“It’s 2:40 p.m.,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “What do you mean, do you want to know more.”

“When you get home things might be better,” she said.

“What are you doing after you exercise,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Are you emailing me a picture. I’m going. This is stupid. I felt annoyed after the first five seconds talking to you. You didn’t say anything after I said ‘okay.’ No interest in what I did in class. I had more interest in your routine. I’m going now.”

At dinner a poet who had moved to Uruguay with another poet was discussed. The restaurant had an open kitchen and Haley Joel Osment looked there a lot and didn’t talk. They drove to Emory University and Haley Joel Osment read his poetry. Someone asked Haley Joel Osment to submit to their internet magazine. Haley Joel Osment stood eating red grapes. He saw that he had a voicemail. Someone he knew from the internet walked toward him and introduced himself. Haley Joel Osment asked the person if he worked in an office.

“Yeah, pretty much I just do things on the internet all day,” said the person.

“I have a voicemail I want to check, it’s from my girlfriend’s mom,” said Haley Joel Osment and ran into a stairwell. The voicemail said Dakota Fanning was not in her room and was not answering her cell phone. Haley Joel Osment called Dakota Fanning’s mother. “I’m thinking she might have gone to your place,” she said. “Did you leave your key with her?” Haley Joel Osment said the location of the key. Dakota Fanning’s mother checked the location and said the key wasn’t there. Haley Joel Osment called Dakota Fanning and she answered after many rings and said she rode her bike to his room after biofeedback to draw things and decorate the room to surprise him and was happy at first but then got depressed and ate a lot of his cereal and fell asleep on his bed.

Around 1:20 a.m. Haley Joel Osment was at someone’s house alone in the dark at their computer asking Dakota Fanning many questions on Gmail chat. “I told you everything,” she said. “I didn’t lie. I made a mistake. You’re angry at me. I told you I would disappoint you and I didn’t want to tell you not because I was afraid but because I didn’t want you to get angry and I knew you would get angry so I tried to prepare you but you are angry.”

“Feedback is at 4:00. Tell me exactly what you did from 3:00 to 4:00.”

“I went to feedback like 15 minutes or more early,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Tell me exactly what did you do from 2:40 to 3:40.”

“You are angry,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No I’m not, I said ‘tell me exactly what you did from 2:40 to 3:40’ so I can decide what to do with my life using the facts. If you are lying I need to know that. Tell me so I can sleep.”

“I’m not lying. I feel like you only do this to find lies, that you ask questions just expecting to find something I lied about.”

“Yes, so what? I want to know if you are lying. So what? Tell me what you did from 2:40 to 3:40 please, this is getting stupid. We didn’t just meet. You lied to me for 4 months. If you aren’t telling me I’m going to sleep now.”

“I know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I just didn’t expect to be treated like a criminal in a cross examination. I have to think first so I make sure I don’t forget anything. Okay then. I’m typing.” Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t expect to be treated like an object to be manipulated and that Dakota Fanning should be expected to be treated like shit after lying for four months. “You’re right,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m sorry I said that. I should expect to be shot in the head really.” She typed what she did before biofeedback which included eating a lot of food without throwing up.

Haley Joel Osment said there still was missing time.

“This is all my fucking fault,” said Dakota Fanning. “I fucked everything up.”

“So are you going to go eat more now?”

“No,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m going to do my work.”

“I’m going to sleep,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Thank you for at least telling me the truth, but I don’t completely believe it. Thank you for telling me some of the truth.”

“I’m sorry that I’m fucking stupid and have ruined things so much that they are like this now.”

“I’m glad you didn’t just say you exercised or worked when you didn’t,” said Haley Joel Osment

“I’m glad also,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m glad I didn’t throw up. I thought about throwing up but didn’t.”

The next morning Haley Joel Osment went on a plane to Vero Beach where he was scheduled to be on a panel with his publisher at a book festival. Each participant was provided a room at a Disney resort and a guide. Haley Joel Osment’s guide was a woman in her late 30s who brought him to dinner at a beachside restaurant with her friends who were in their late 40s. Haley Joel Osment said his girlfriend was 17 and his guide’s facial expression changed a little.

“Does your girlfriend plan to go to college?” she said.

“She’s applying to colleges in New York City,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What does her mother think about you?”

“She likes me, I think,” said Haley Joel Osment looking at the beach.

After dinner they went to a reception. Haley Joel Osment stood by his guide and said he wanted to talk to his publisher but was afraid. She said she also felt afraid.

“Why are you afraid?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t get out much.”

“What should I do? I don’t want to interrupt him.”

“Just go talk to him, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Haley Joel Osment’s publisher was talking to someone from C-Span. Haley Joel Osment walked toward them while staring at a large buffet of fruit, crackers, breads, cheeses in the distance.

“You should do something on this guy,” said his publisher.

The person from C-Span looked at Haley Joel Osment.

The next day at the book panel someone said it was important to support independent companies because the money returned to the community. Someone said something about North Carolina. Haley Joel Osment said one reason to support independent companies was because they were not existentially required to increase profits.

He went to his publisher’s room and they edited his story collection for about two hours. His publisher said he went to a reading in the ’80s where Richard Yates read a short story using different voices for each character’s dialogue including high-pitched voices for the female characters.

That night at the resort Haley Joel Osment’s cell phone had no reception. He walked to different areas staring at his cell phone. He called Dakota Fanning standing beneath a palm tree in a parking lot. She had gone on a field trip that day to a museum in Manhattan. She said she wrote therapy things in her notebook the entire bus trip there and back, two hours in each direction. They talked for about ten minutes. Haley Joel Osment went to his room and showered and did push-ups naked. He slept. In the morning he paid money to use a computer in the lobby. “At the book panel the party girl and her party agent were party girls,” he emailed Dakota Fanning. “I said anti-party-girl things and the obese party girl said semi-anti-party-girl things. I sold 8 books to old people. One old person kept telling me about her 55-year-old son. After I sold books we sat around at a restaurant. Then we came back to the Disney hotel. I went to my publisher’s room and we edited 50 pages of my book. Then he talked about things. Then he showed me the book covers I sent you on my phone. I felt glad. I hope you had a good day. I’ll call after dinner.”

At the restaurant every entree had meat except one that had cheese. Haley Joel Osment asked for pasta with olive oil. He heard someone telling a story he had heard three times from the same person in the past two days. He finished eating. He text-messaged Dakota Fanning. He stared at people talking and eating. “Whenever an old person is saying anything I think I assume they’re insane, that they’re not making any sense at all,” he thought while an elderly literary agent talked about her steak. “I don’t want to do that anymore I think.”

He went outside and called Dakota Fanning. There were palm trees and hotels in the distance. Sometimes a car went past on the four-lane street. Dakota Fanning said she was making carrot juice. She had found a juicer in the basement and taken it to the kitchen and cleaned it and set it up. Haley Joel Osment became upset that she was not doing exactly what she had said she was going to do at exactly the times she had said she was going to do them. People leaving the restaurant saw Haley Joel Osment’s upset facial expression and he walked away and talked a little more and then sat in a car with five other people.

At the resort on a pebble walkway he called Dakota Fanning and apologized for getting upset earlier. They talked for about an hour about Peter Singer, Sean Strub, Dakota Fanning’s father, hikikomori, moving to Japan when Dakota Fanning turned 18 and Haley Joel Osment sometimes laughed a little or smiled while looking down and stepping on things.

The next day using the computer in the lobby he saw that Dakota Fanning had emailed yesterday a few hours before he called her outside the restaurant. “Do they have a gift shop or something with Disney things around?” said the email. “In the museum I tried to find things I could steal but everything there was shitty and the party girls kept following me. I shouldn’t have gone on the trip. It was terrible. Everyone I went with was an extreme party girl. On the way home I thought about me being surrounded by party girls and you being surrounded by party girls and both of us feeling very alone and afraid on opposite sides of the country. I felt sad but maybe it was funny a little. I bought like 5 pounds of organic carrots to make fresh organic carrot juice because I remembered that we have a new juicer in the basement that no one ever uses. I can make you organic carrot, apple, and ginger juice. I’m going to make some tonight with brewer’s yeast while waiting for your call. I miss you very much.”

“Yes, there is a gift shop here,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email. “All I stole was toothpaste and floss last night from the gift shop. I thought about stealing a painting off the wall to sell on eBay but I thought it wouldn’t sell for that much.” He stared out a window at a man throwing a football to a small child. “A beast is throwing a football to his son outside,” he said in the email. “After I finish my half hour on the computer I am going to walk around to see what else I can steal. My bus is at 1:30 p.m. When I get to my parents’ house I’m going to Whole Foods to buy a lot of good food for us I think. I’m also going to look for things to sell on eBay and then put them on eBay and package them and leave them in Florida so my mom can mail them after they sell. I think I have enough money to pay December rent now. Emory University paid me $200 for reading there and I have $100 from selling poetry books. I will check my email when I get home. I miss you. Bye.” He walked through long hallways to different areas of the resort looking for things that might sell for more than $20 on eBay while listening to music using his portable CD player because a few weeks ago he lost his iPod when transferring trains at Secaucus. He lay on a reclining chair by the swimming pool and read Angle of Yaw. Sunlight was very bright on the book. He put on stolen sunglasses. He began to sweat a little. He walked to the front of the resort. He sat on a wood bench. He sat in a bus.

He arrived at his parents’ house around 4:30 p.m. and made a smoothie and looked at the internet and emailed Dakota Fanning and went to Whole Foods. At night he and his mother ate nachos while watching a French movie in an independent movie theatre. A few months ago his mother emailed that she was thinking about going to a movie alone but was afraid. A few weeks later she emailed that she had gone to a movie alone. Haley Joel Osment thought about that on the drive home after the movie. The next day they visited his father in jail. A few days later he went to New Jersey.

It was mid-November. Dakota Fanning’s mother asked if Haley Joel Osment would stay at her house a few days while she was on a business trip so Dakota Fanning wouldn’t be alone. She said they could use her car but were not allowed to go to New York City. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning promised not to do anything that would make her upset.

Their first night alone they drank yerba maté tea and ate steamed vegetables and watched Wheel of Time which showed Buddhist monks creating an elaborate design representing the world of phenomena then brushing the colored sand of the design into containers and throwing the containers into the ocean. After the movie they photographed each other doing cartwheels in front of the TV. Haley Joel Osment opened the door while Dakota Fanning was in the bathroom and photographed her grinning. They had sex in the living room. The next afternoon Haley Joel Osment was staring at the back of Dakota Fanning’s head in the downstairs hallway. He had gotten upset about something and Dakota Fanning had walked away then stopped moving. “I probably would have killed myself by now if I had an easy way to do it,” she said facing the wall at an angle.

“Why don’t you just kill yourself on the train tracks?”

“It doesn’t work. They don’t go fast enough.”

“Yeah they do. You just put your neck on the tracks.”

“It doesn’t work. The trains slow down as they approach the station.”

“Why don’t you just walk to the train tracks and walk past where the trains start slowing down and then lie down on the tracks?” said Haley Joel Osment vaguely feeling like he had said this before.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning and walked out of the house.

Haley Joel Osment thought about chasing her and hugging her and lying with her in bed. He went upstairs and looked at the computer. He picked up packages. He went outside and saw the back of Dakota Fanning about four blocks away. He walked to the post office. He mailed packages.

He walked over the steel bridge.

He stood on the train tracks looking in both directions. He walked on a street parallel to the train tracks. He walked behind a grocery store to the train tracks. He walked to the street. He walked to the train tracks.

In Dakota Fanning’s house he sat in the computer room staring out the window. Moonlight was on the metal shed. The swimming pool was covered. Aladdin was making noises in the hallway. Haley Joel Osment looked at his email. He saw that Julia was online. He drove Dakota Fanning’s mother’s car on the street parallel to the train tracks. He parked and walked behind a flower store. He stood on the train tracks. He opened his cell phone for light.

He drove to Dakota Fanning’s house.

He walked through rooms in the dark.

He sat staring at the computer screen.

He stood in the kitchen eating popcorn from a large plastic bowl on the counter while staring at a closed cupboard about ten inches from his face. He put salt on the popcorn. The bowl was pale green. The phone rang. Haley Joel Osment quickly walked into the living room. He walked halfway up the stairs. Dakota Fanning’s mother was leaving a message on the answering machine. Haley Joel Osment walked down the stairs. He stood in the living room. He walked into the kitchen. He opened the door to the back patio and saw Dakota Fanning’s face. She moved backward a little. Haley Joel Osment held her hand and they went in the house. “Let’s lie on the bed,” he said and they walked holding hands to her brother’s bed and lay on it holding each other.

Dakota Fanning’s hands and hair and jacket were cold.

“What did you do?” said Haley Joel Osment after a few minutes.

“I went to the train tracks. The train didn’t come so I left. I went to Rite Aid and looked for Burt’s Bees eyeliner. Then I came back to the house. I hid in the shed for a while. I looked in all the windows to try to see what you were doing.”

Late that night they dyed Dakota Fanning’s hair black.

“Goth,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Goth,” said Dakota Fanning.

“It looks good,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Good job.”

The next day they were driving to the largest shopping mall in New Jersey and Dakota Fanning said “Do you want to go to New York City?”

“I’m not sure,” said Haley Joel Osment after a few seconds.

“It would be fun to be in New York City,” he said. “We could eat at pukk.”

They parked in Greenwich Village and Dakota Fanning’s father called. Dakota Fanning said she was in Middletown. On the sidewalk Haley Joel Osment didn’t look at her and they walked without talking. “You shouldn’t have lied to your dad,” he said after a few minutes.

“You’re right,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’ll call him back.”

“Wait,” said Haley Joel Osment slowly. “Let’s just not lie to anyone anymore starting now. From now on if we want to do something we should just say we’re going to do it or else just not do it.” A few minutes later he said “I don’t know if you should call him back or not.”

Dakota Fanning called her father and said she was in New York City.

A few hours later on Sixth Avenue she was hitting her head with her fists. Haley Joel Osment said “Don’t hit your head” and touched her back. She screamed that she wanted to kill everyone. Haley Joel Osment stopped walking and watched her cross 10th Street screaming noises while flailing her arms near her hips and sometimes forcing her upper body forward.

He ran to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she said. “I’ll kill you.”

They turned onto 11th Street and walked toward Fifth Avenue. Dakota Fanning stopped walking. Haley Joel Osment faced her at an angle with a serious facial expression while sometimes grinning or smiling.

“Don’t laugh at me,” said Dakota Fanning.

“This is funny, you were ‘screaming in agony,’ ” said Haley Joel Osment. “Why don’t you have a sense of humor right now?” he said with a strange facial expression.

“It won’t be funny when you’re afraid to sleep tonight.”

“I probably won’t sleep tonight,” said Haley Joel Osment.

A few minutes later he slowly put his arms around her without touching his body to her body. She didn’t move. He stepped back and looked at her staring at the sidewalk with a very alert facial expression. People walking past were turning to look at them. People were walking small dogs on leashes.

“You turned into a goth,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You really turned into a goth,” he said.

“Shut the fuck up,” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment walked away and looked in different directions. He took Dakota Fanning’s digital camera from his duffle bag and photographed her. “Don’t fucking take my picture,” she said and slowly turned away in place. Haley Joel Osment sat on the steps of a residential building. He took his cell phone from his pocket. It was 5:41 p.m. He put his cell phone in his pocket. He took his Moleskine notebook from his pocket. He put it in his pocket. He stood. He walked to Dakota Fanning. “Why do you want to kill me?” he said.

Dakota Fanning was staring across the street.

“Why did you say you want to kill me?”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Nothing matters.”

“If you kill me I’ll be dead. That matters to me.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“What does that mean? It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Dakota Fanning. “Nothing matters.”

“Do you want to use the bathroom before we go on the highway?” said Haley Joel Osment on the drive to New Jersey. Dakota Fanning said she did. In Taco Bell Haley Joel Osment photographed a burrito advertisement with his cell phone while Dakota Fanning was in the bathroom and sent it to Julia.

They did not talk or listen to music during the two-hour drive.

At Dakota Fanning’s house Haley Joel Osment drank coffee and went upstairs and sat in front of the computer. He looked at his email. He opened the Microsoft Word file of his story collection. He heard Dakota Fanning’s mother’s exercise machine being used. It was around 2:15 a.m. About an hour later Dakota Fanning came in the computer room and put seltzer water, a bowl of vegan burger and tomato pieces, a metal spoon by the computer.

Haley Joel Osment removed his earphones and said “Thank you.”

Around 3:30 a.m. he heard the vacuum cleaner downstairs then upstairs.

Around 5:30 a.m. he went downstairs. He went to the basement and carried clothes from the dryer to the living room and folded them on the sofa. He showered and went to the kitchen to make breakfast and maybe lunch for Dakota Fanning. He heard her alarm clock upstairs. He quickly went to her brother’s room and lay on the bed feeling a little confused why he was afraid of being seen in the kitchen. It was 6:05 a.m. He set his alarm for 6:55 a.m. He woke at 6:55 a.m. and looked into the living room from the hallway and saw the clothes where he left them on the sofa. “She didn’t wake early to do things,” he thought. “She gave up again. Last night was temporary.”

He slept without setting his alarm. He woke around 1:10 p.m. and went to the bus stop with a smoothie of organic coffee, soymilk, hempseed powder, frozen strawberries. Dakota Fanning had a friendly facial expression. “Thank you,” she said. “Do you want to spend time together before I exercise and do work? My mom will probably want to take you home when she comes back. I’ll exercise and do work after you leave.”

“Yes. Do you want walk to the health food store?”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning. “I would like that.”

About two hours later they walked across Dakota Fanning’s front yard toward her front door. Dakota Fanning went in the house. Haley Joel Osment heard her mother say “That better be a wig.” He went in the house and said “It’s just hair” while staring at large packages on the floor.

“It’s okay,” said Dakota Fanning and touched her mother’s shoulder.

“Don’t be touching me. That’s not going to work right now. I cannot believe you did this. You had this beautiful hair and you went and ruined it.”

“I think it looks really good,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You dye your hair,” said Dakota Fanning.

“That’s different,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother. “I’m dying mine back to its natural color. I lost my color. You still have yours. I trusted you. And you betrayed my trust. Again. You knew I would be upset and you did it anyway.” She went in the kitchen where she had a guest and said “She had this beautiful strawberry-blond hair.” Haley Joel Osment saw that the guest had a concerned facial expression. “I don’t even want to think about what else you guys did,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother after her guest left.

“What else did you do,” she said after a few seconds.

“We went to New York City,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You drove? Or took the train?”

“Drove. I told dad.”

“You drove my car, which I generously trusted you with, to New York City, when I specifically said that you were not to go to New York City. What else did you do?”

“That’s all, I think,” said Dakota Fanning. “Just the hair and New York City.”

Dakota Fanning’s mother looked at Haley Joel Osment.

“And you don’t have anything to say about this,” she said.

“It was bad of us,” said Haley Joel Osment. “We shouldn’t have done anything that would make you upset. We were wrong. I’m really sorry and don’t want to upset you again. I appreciate that you let me stay in your house and use your car.”

About an hour later they were sitting on her brother’s bed when her mother came in holding something. “$5 for this dinky little box of blueberries?” she said. “Why would you buy this? Blueberries aren’t in season. You spent $5 on this tiny box of blueberries, because they’re organic, that is really stupid.” She walked away then walked in talking about organic peanut butter. Haley Joel Osment said he spent a lot more money than she did on groceries for him and Dakota Fanning. They talked loudly a few minutes. “And I’m tired of your self-righteous bullshit,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother. “You two with your organic foods and vegan this, vegan that.” Haley Joel Osment said something about not being self-righteous. Dakota Fanning’s mother said for Haley Joel Osment to pack his things because she was driving him to the restaurant. She left the room. “What should we do?” said Haley Joel Osment. “I won’t see you for a long time if she takes me back now.”

“I don’t know,” said Dakota Fanning. “Maybe I can convince her to let you stay tonight.”

Dakota Fanning’s mother came in saying Dakota Fanning had psychological problems. She talked about Dakota Fanning’s writing that was on the internet and said “Don’t you see the good in life?” She lectured Dakota Fanning and Haley Joel Osment about not having jobs. She said something alluding to Haley Joel Osment’s shoplifting. “I don’t know what it is that you’re doing exactly,” she said carefully. “If you want to do whatever, that’s really none of my business, but you’re with my daughter, and that is my business.” Haley Joel Osment said “Do you think you’re a good influence on Dakota?”

“I’m Dakota’s mother,” she said after a second.

“Do you think you’re a good influence on her?”

“I’m a single parent with a full-time job. I have raised Dakota and Tony pretty much as a single parent. Their father was around some, when they were growing up, and I appreciate that, but he wasn’t around much. God knows he isn’t around now.”

“Do you think you’re a good influence on her?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Do you think you’re a better influence on her than I am?” he said.

“I’m her mother, I’m nearly twice your age,” shouted Dakota Fanning’s mother.

Haley Joel Osment felt himself talking very loudly and shaking a little. Dakota Fanning was also talking very loudly. “Shut up,” screamed Dakota Fanning’s mother. “Shut up. Shut up.” She bent at her waist and moved her face very close to Haley Joel Osment’s face and screamed “Shut up.” Haley Joel Osment was sitting on the edge of the bed. Dakota Fanning’s mother walked away a little. Haley Joel Osment said she was acting like a 4-year-old boy. “You are a terrible influence on Dakota,” he said loudly. “You get angry all the time, you scream ‘shut up’ and ‘fuck you’ at people all the time, do you think that’s good? It’s really bad. Being that angry all the time is really bad, you need to see a therapist not Dakota Fanning.”

“I’ve been looking for a good therapist,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother calmly. “Charlene recommended one that I think is good, I’d like to start once my insurance gets approved, I’ve just been so busy lately. A good therapist can really help, I know. I’ve had a good one before and it really helped, and I’m glad Dakota is seeing a therapist, and I hope Dakota’s father and brother can see that they also need to see therapists. I think they will.”

“When do I scream ‘fuck you’ at people?” she said in an amused voice.

“You scream ‘fuck you’ at people in cars when you’re driving, that is dangerous,” said Haley Joel Osment. “You do it while Dakota is in the car and it’s dangerous. You even screamed ‘fuck off’ at the dog.”

“Aladdin?” said Dakota Fanning’s mother and laughed. “He was in my way.” She looked at Haley Joel Osment with an amused facial expression. She walked away. Haley Joel Osment shouted that she was acting like a child. She laughed in the hallway walking away.

“Why is she laughing?” said Haley Joel Osment. “She’s like happy suddenly.”

“She’s a cheese beast,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I thought she was going to headbutt me or slap me.”

“Were you afraid?” said Dakota Fanning.

“I don’t know. I think I just kept thinking she could go to jail if she hit me and then we could live somewhere.” Dakota Fanning talked about how she didn’t have an eating disorder while Haley Joel Osment was at her house. They talked about Dakota Fanning maybe going to live with her father in Albany. They talked about calling the police to liberate Dakota Fanning before she turned 18. Dakota Fanning had said on Gmail chat that her mother abused her when she was small and that one time she said she was going to call the police and her mother laughed at her. Dakota Fanning said if they called the police her mother would talk about Haley Joel Osment to them. Haley Joel Osment said he probably didn’t break any laws. Dakota Fanning said the police could do things to Haley Joel Osment even if he didn’t break any laws.

Dakota Fanning’s mother said she was too tired to drive Haley Joel Osment to the restaurant.

The next night after work she said there wasn’t time to drive Haley Joel Osment to the restaurant before Dakota Fanning’s therapist appointment. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning talked in the backseat on the way to the therapist’s house. “Stop whispering to each other,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother looking in the rearview mirror. “It’s rude. If you want to say something say it so everyone in the car can hear.” Dakota Fanning said they were speaking at a normal volume. “We aren’t like you, we don’t scream everything,” she said. “It’s rude to keep talking when no one wants to hear what you have to say. That’s what you do, you keep talking when no one is even listening to you.” They parked on the street outside the therapist’s house. Dakota Fanning and her mother talked loudly outside the car. Haley Joel Osment heard Dakota Fanning scream “Don’t touch me” and “Let go of my arm.”

He left the car and said to Dakota Fanning’s mother that she was acting like a 4-year-old boy and that she was a bad person. Dakota Fanning said she would go to therapy but that this was the last time. Her mother walked away. They were in a neighborhood of three-story houses. Dakota Fanning showed Haley Joel Osment bruises on her arm. She went in the therapist’s house. Haley Joel Osment sat alone in the car reading The Myth of Neurosis which said psychotherapy was destructive to people’s self-esteem, often confused unhappiness with mental illness, encouraged excuses and dependency while discouraging hard work and will power. Dakota Fanning and her mother came in the car. Haley Joel Osment apologized for saying Dakota Fanning’s mother was a bad person. Dakota Fanning’s mother said something about Haley Joel Osment’s age. She said Dakota Fanning’s hair looked bad.

On the gravel parking lot outside the restaurant Haley Joel Osment stood by the driver’s-side window. “Thank you for letting me stay at your house and use your car,” he said.

“Thank you for aiding my daughter in lying to me,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother.

“That was bad,” said Haley Joel Osment after a second. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

They looked at each other with vaguely neutral facial expressions.

Haley Joel Osment went in the back door of the restaurant which hadn’t reopened yet.

The next afternoon on Gmail chat he asked Dakota Fanning if she told her mother he was against lying and had been encouraging her not to lie. “I told her that you told me not to lie to my dad and that you are working to help me stop lying for everything to anyone,” said Dakota Fanning.

“What did she say?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“She just said ‘I don’t want to talk about anything right now, my body is about to shut down.’ ”

“She thought I was being sarcastic when I said ‘thanks’ I think,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Maybe, because she was sarcastic later. Yes. Don’t worry. She’s just a beast.”

“She kept saying ‘it looked bad’ about your hair, not that we didn’t keep our promise not to do anything that would upset her,” said Haley Joel Osment. “She was confused.”

“Yes. I don’t think she really understood what she was upset about or thinking.”

Haley Joel Osment asked Dakota Fanning what she did today and they talked about that a few minutes.

“Are you worried that I’m lying?” said Dakota Fanning.

“A little. If you lied to me today please tell me.”

Dakota Fanning said she didn’t lie today.

That night Haley Joel Osment emailed Dakota Fanning that his cell phone was broken and he missed her and Microsoft Paint drawings of Sean Strub wearing Aladdin on his head like a turban and a Buddhist Tyrannosaurus Rex floating in outer space.

Dakota Fanning emailed Microsoft Paint drawings of Werner Herzog floating in outer space thinking “I have too much experience in this business for this” and Werner Herzog riding the Loch Ness Monster with “our underwater ally” in black font and the filename werner.nessie.bff.jpg. The email said her brother was supposed to be home from college four hours ago but never showed up and that her mother yelled at her when she was exercising. “Thank you for letting me know about your cell phone,” said the email. “I wish we could cook together. I feel alone. The beast is calm now and has retreated to the lair to watch Sex and the City. I miss you. I want to hug you. Thank you for doing so many things with me during the week and driving so much. I’m glad we got to spend time alone. You can come for Thanksgiving. My mom said she invited you last week or something. She said ‘I’m not happy with either of your behaviors right now but he can come.’ ”

The next night they emailed many times about what Dakota Fanning did between 12:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. that day. “I’m not sure if I want to come tomorrow,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email. “I feel uncomfortable when you aren’t nice to me.” Dakota Fanning text-messaged his email account about an hour later that her internet was broken. “I just realized my mom unplugged the router and hid it,” she text-messaged a few minutes later.

“Do you still want to come tomorrow,” she text-messaged.

“I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email to her cell phone. “If you want me to.”

“It will just be a waste of your time. You decide. You don’t have to now, you can tell me tomorrow.”

“I won’t go then if you don’t want me. You decide.”

“I want you to come,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’ll come.”

Around 3:30 p.m. Dakota Fanning’s mother drove onto the gravel parking lot. Haley Joel Osment was standing outside. He sat in the backseat and Dakota Fanning’s father smiled at him and said “Hi” from the front passenger seat.

“Hi,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Thank you for inviting me today.”

“Where’s your brother?” he said to Dakota Fanning.

“We don’t know where he is,” she said.

They talked quietly in the backseat a few minutes. Haley Joel Osment saw Dakota Fanning’s mother looking at his upset facial expression in the rearview mirror. She looked away. “Remember what I said about whispering?” she said. “Dakota?” she said.

No one talked for about twenty minutes.

They arrived at Dakota Fanning’s uncle’s house in Goshen. About ten of Dakota Fanning’s relatives were standing in the kitchen. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning stood near the front door looking down.

“I shouldn’t have come,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I shouldn’t have made you come.”

Haley Joel Osment thought about saying something about that.

“Can we go outside?” he said and they moved toward the door.

“Where are you going?” said Dakota Fanning’s mother.

“We’re just going outside for a minute,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No you aren’t,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother. “That’s rude. Come inside and mingle. Have you talked to your uncle Mark yet? You know these people. Introduce them to Haley. I’m sure they’re all really interested in meeting your boyfriend.” She stared at Dakota Fanning. She looked at Haley Joel Osment. She walked away.

“Let’s just stay inside,” said Haley Joel Osment.

They went upstairs into someone’s room. Haley Joel Osment sat on the edge of a bed and Dakota Fanning stood facing him. “What did you do between 12:00 and 4:00?” he said after about ten seconds.

“I told you everything,” said Dakota Fanning.

“You worked for thirty minutes then went to the store for an hour. What about the other two hours?”

“I told you everything. I didn’t lie. That’s all I remember.”

“Why are you crying?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I didn’t lie,” said Dakota Fanning.

“What did you do for two hours?”

“I bullshitted around a lot. I told you what I did.”

Haley Joel Osment stood from the bed and sat cross-legged on the carpet facing away from Dakota Fanning. “If I were you I would calmly think about what I did,” he said. “And then say it calmly so I won’t feel worried about if you’re lying or not.” He opened The Myth of Neurosis and turned the pages. The book was upside-down. He turned it over and stared at the words. He stared at the paper. “I finished the work,” said Dakota Fanning standing behind him. “Then I went downstairs to make coffee. After that I decided to go for a bike ride. I told my mom I was going for a bike ride.”

“What did you do while the coffee was making?”

“I ate an apple,” said Dakota Fanning and was quiet for about ten seconds. “I decided I didn’t want to ride my bike. I wanted to go for a walk. Then I went to talk to my mom to tell her I was going for a walk. I went back upstairs to get change and a dollar because I thought if I was going to steal something it would be better if I bought something also. I was probably gone for about fifty minutes. I looked in CVS for a while until I found something small and expensive. I found the skin creams and I took two.”

Haley Joel Osment stood. He sat on the edge of the bed.

Dakota Fanning stood facing him looking down a little.

“If you were gone for fifty minutes and you worked for thirty minutes then there would still be two hours where I don’t know what you did,” said Haley Joel Osment staring at the carpet.

“What time did I wake up?” said Dakota Fanning.

“Did I wake up at 10:00 or 11:00?” she said.

“Didn’t you have a half day of school?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Yeah. We have the times wrong then. I didn’t start doing the work until 12:15.”

“Then just add fifteen minutes. I still don’t know what you did for two hours.”

“I must have bullshitted around for a long time then. I told you everything.”

“Don’t say ‘bullshitted.’ That doesn’t mean anything. You should tell me exactly what you did, not just say ‘bullshitted.’ ” There were noises outside the room. Dakota Fanning’s mother came in looking at Haley Joel Osment then Dakota Fanning. “What are you two doing up here?” she said.

“What is this?” she said after a few seconds.

“You seem upset,” she said to Dakota Fanning.

“We’re talking,” said Dakota Fanning in an agitated voice.

“Come downstairs. It’s Thanksgiving.”

“That means nothing to me,” said Dakota Fanning.

“It means something to me. Come downstairs and mingle. Don’t talk about this heavy stuff today. It’s Thanksgiving. Put aside your personal concerns for one day and think about doing something for me for once. Can you do that?” Dakota Fanning’s mother went downstairs. “After I came back from the store I went to my room,” said Dakota Fanning. “I got the digital camera. Then I walked around to see where my parents were because I didn’t want them to see me taking pictures of the skin cream to put on eBay. The lighting was bad in the computer room and my mom was in the shower so I went in the hallway and put the skin cream on the floor and took pictures of them there. I took a long time doing that because I wanted the photos to be good.”

“So it was around 2:00 when you got back. So it took you fifty minutes to put it on eBay?”

“No. I got back around 2:30, so it took me twenty minutes. Also, I didn’t bring the skin cream into the computer room so I had to keep changing the windows to look at the photo to get the details right for the listing. And that was when we were emailing. And we emailed a few times. So I waited between the emails.”

“What did you do while you were waiting?”

“Nothing,” said Dakota Fanning.

“What did you do with your hands?”

“I don’t know. Probably just pushed the antenna on my cell phone in and out.” Dakota Fanning was quiet a few seconds. “After that I went downstairs and got the mat out to do Pilates. I wanted to talk to my parents first to see what they were doing before I started because they kept saying we were leaving soon. Then they said we were leaving. So I put the mat away and waited for them.”

“What did you do while you were waiting?”

“I just walked around slowly,” said Dakota Fanning. “I checked the computer and walked around. I used the bathroom.” Dakota Fanning’s mother came in saying “Alright, what’s the problem here?”

“We’re talking,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“About what? Is someone going to tell me? No?”

“Can we have some privacy please?” said Dakota Fanning.

“Listen,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother. “If I had known it was going to be like this I would have made different arrangements. Come down right now and talk to your relatives. This is extremely rude. Your uncle Kenny set up a really nice buffet for everyone, there’s a really nice potato salad he and Carol made themselves, come down and get some food and mingle. Right now. Immediately. I’m not going to say it again.” She went downstairs. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning went downstairs. An aunt gave Dakota Fanning a cucumber from the refrigerator. Haley Joel Osment put pasta, lettuce, potatoes, cauliflower on a paper plate and they sat on a sofa in the living room where about twelve people were on sofas or folding chairs watching TV and about six people were standing against a wall playing “Simon Says.” After about fifteen minutes a 13-year-old girl over six feet and about 200 pounds who had been quiet with a depressed facial expression won and shouted “Victory” more than once with her arms above her head while sometimes jumping. Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning looked at each other with excited facial expressions. “Victory,” said Dakota Fanning. “She said victory,” said Haley Joel Osment and touched Dakota Fanning’s leg and they grinned or smiled the next few minutes while sometimes saying “that was good” or “she jumped.” They finished eating and went to a small fenced-off room and sat on a two-seat sofa. They were alone except for a small dog which they played with for about thirty minutes. Haley Joel Osment pointed at a cut on Dakota Fanning’s arm and asked what it was.

“It’s from the night we went to New York City.”

“How did you get it?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“The night we went to New York City.”

“How?” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning stared ahead for about ten seconds.

“A steak knife,” she said in a loud monotone.

“Did you write about it?” said Haley Joel Osment.

“No. I’ve been writing about other things. I thought it was insignificant. There’s also one on my neck.” Haley Joel Osment asked how she got one on her neck. She said when he was upstairs using the computer she opened the drawer and looked at the different knives and chose the steak knife and held it to her neck. “Then I think I cried and just cut my arm,” she said. “I put the knife back and closed the drawer and brought you the vegan burger and tomato bowl. It was stupid.”

“When you said you wouldn’t cut yourself anymore did you mean you wouldn’t cut yourself hard?”

“No,” said Dakota Fanning in a bored voice.

Haley Joel Osment stood and left the room. He went in the bathroom. He left the bathroom. He stood in the living room staring at the TV. People were playing soccer. People were holding digital cameras. Dakota Fanning hugged him from behind. He touched her arms a little. He held her arms to his body. “Are you hungry?” he said in a strange voice without thinking.

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning. “I think we’re leaving soon. I’ll eat something healthy at home.”

“Luna Bar,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“It’s okay. I’ll just have a smoothie when we get home.”

Haley Joel Osment said she should eat more times throughout the day and whenever hungry to prevent urges to binge-eat. He walked away and opened the refrigerator and closed the refrigerator. Dakota Fanning took a “Peanut Butter Cookie” Luna Bar from her bag and stood eating it. They looked at each other from across the kitchen with neutral facial expressions for about five seconds. An aunt came in the kitchen and said something. Dakota Fanning and Haley Joel Osment went outside, walked over the yard in the dark, went in the backseat of the car. Dakota Fanning’s parents were in the car. Haley Joel Osment took his Moleskine notebook from his pocket and wrote “mail checks to HSBC.” He wrote “email Thaddeus.” He wrote “50 push-ups.” He put the notebook in his pocket and stared ahead. Dakota Fanning held his hand. He moved his hands under his thighs and closed his eyes. After a few minutes he opened his eyes and saw Dakota Fanning’s cell phone lit on her lap. He reached toward the cell phone and asked what she was doing. “I’m using the light to write in my notebook,” she said in a panicked voice. “I can’t write and hold your hand at the same time. Do you want me to hold your hand instead?” Haley Joel Osment did not respond. About five minutes later the car stopped at an intersection where a right turn would go to Dakota Fanning’s house. Dakota Fanning’s mother turned left. Haley Joel Osment closed his eyes and felt himself trying to close his eyes again. “Two ways to be better,” he thought quickly. “I can accept. Complain. I can feel bad. Or the other thing. Or the other thing.” He opened his eyes and saw Wal-Mart, that it was raining, that Dakota Fanning wasn’t writing in her notebook and closed his eyes. The car turned onto the gravel parking lot. Dakota Fanning looked at Haley Joel Osment’s face and said “Thank you for coming.” Haley Joel Osment said “Thank you for inviting me to spend Thanksgiving with your family” to her mother. “You’re welcome,” said Dakota Fanning’s mother. “Happy Thanksgiving.” Haley Joel Osment looked at Dakota Fanning’s father staring ahead at the windshield or the forest. “Bye,” said Dakota Fanning.

Haley Joel Osment looked in her direction without focusing on her face. He touched her shoulder a little and left the car. He jumped over a puddle and went in the restaurant.

About the Author

Author photo by Noah Kalina

TAO LIN is the author of the novel Eeeee Eee Eeee, the novella Shoplifting from American Apparel, the story collection Bed, and the poetry collections Cognitive — Behavioral Therapy and you are a little bit happier than i am. Translations of his books have been published around the world, including in France, Germany, Spain, Japan, Norway, Serbia, South Korea, China, and Taiwan. He lives in Brooklyn.

Content

Tao Lin
Richard Yates

Richard Yates

About the Author