Lachlan Walter

THE RAIN NEVER CAME

To Mia, my beautiful Mia.

ONE

The teams started brawling as soon as they stepped onto the oval of dying grass, egged on by a crowd hungry for some rough entertainment and a diversion from the dry grind of life. The pushing and shoving quickly escalated, a beefy townsfolk player knocking one of the First Country players to the rock-hard ground. The crowd cheered louder, and I joined in with them. Punches flew back and forth; both players got in some clean strikes. The crowd cheered louder still, and so did I.

My throat burned…

I leaned against an old gum tree that was slowly dying and took a quick sip from my canteen, trying to stretch out the pitiful amount of water I had brought with me. For the umpteenth time that day, I waved away some flies. But still, it was good to be taking it easy in the shade rather than standing out in the sun.

And so I just watched as most of the players from both teams joined the fight, the mob of bodies a mess of writhing limbs, punches and kicks. Some sections of the crowd encouraged them, while some booed and hissed, and only a few players from each team tried to break it up. They did their best but were obviously overwhelmed, and so a swarm from the crowd soon joined them, both townsfolk and First Country, all keen for the game to get underway. Fighting players were separated; injured players were quickly checked over—no one was seriously hurt. Only moments later, a dozen First Country folk faced off against an equal number of townsfolk.

The crowd—fifty or sixty of us holdouts and old-timers, twenty or so folk that made up the rest of the First Country caravan—welcomed the two teams with the loudest cheer yet. I cheered with them once more, as happy as a boy.

And then our cheers died out as the umpire ran onto the oval, stopping between the two lines of men. She spoke quickly, gesturing back and forth, presumably setting out some ground rules, her words lost in the moan of the wind. A tall, solid First Country bloke stepped forward. He held out his hand, his smile flashing lightning-white against the dark of his skin. A nuggetty little someone I didn’t recognise—a ringer from the hill country, maybe—stepped forward to meet the First Country captain. They shook hands as the umpire took something from her pocket—a coin, a tiny piece of worthless currency—and tossed it into the air. It gleamed dully, catching the late afternoon sun. The First Country captain called ‘tails’ in a booming voice. The coin landed, the umpire nodded at him, and he pointed at the goalposts that still stood tall and proud.

At the other end of the oval, one of the goalposts had cracked and fallen.

The teams quickly dispersed, teeming like flies around a dead roo. The ruckmen stayed in the centre, two great towering hulks that you would swear were twins if it weren’t for the colour of their skin. They squinted at each other in the too-bright light. I recognised ours as Jack MacDonald, a burly bastard with a shaved head who fashioned coffins from scrap when it came time to bury our dead. The two big men both took a handful of steps back as the umpire picked up a possum-skin ball that had been lying at her feet. Under an enormous blue sky, we impatiently waited for her to throw the ball. She did; we cheered again and roared as one. The ruckmen ran, jumped, crashed into each other hard. One of the townsfolk—he was moving too fast for me to tell which one—got a sneaky touch in and flicked the ball to a teammate, a long streak of pelican shit whose name wouldn’t come. Before I could blink, the First Country captain had mown the long streak down and stolen the ball. He ran hard, nothing but a burnt paddock ahead of him, his teammates making sure it stayed that way. The townsfolk captain suddenly broke away from his shadow, ran to catch up, slowly started to gain some ground. His desperate effort wasn’t enough; the First Country captain glanced over his shoulder, smiled wide, looked back, sped up. Though I was technically supporting the townsfolk—being one of them and all that—I couldn’t help admire his cheek.

He caught my eye, winked, and then booted the ball straight at me.

I managed to mark it before it hit me in the face, and silently thanked someone I don’t believe in. I stood up, shaking an ache from my weary body, as the goal-umpire waved a tatty flag over his head. The First Country captain gestured at me; deciding not to embarrass myself, I threw the ball to him instead of kicking it. He smiled again, bent down, scooped the ball up and ran back to the centre. Once more, the ruckmen faced off. They ran and jumped and crashed. A little First Country bloke snatched the ball from the pack—he darted away, his townsfolk shadow only inches behind. They ran together, zigzagging, snaking back and forth, almost moving as one. None of their teammates could catch them. My mouth hanging open, I watched the townsfolk bloke—Frank Ong, a relative newcomer, his family having only been in town a few generations—finally catch his opponent and throw a desperate tackle, launching himself into the air. They both crashed to the ground in a cloud of dust. Somehow, the First Country bloke got boot to ball and dribbled it forward. The crowd roared as the ball bounced unevenly before stopping just short of the goals. Frank made it back to his feet, wiped blood from his forehead, was knocked aside by another First Country bloke who seemed to come out of nowhere. The crowd felt Frank’s pain as he fell to the ground for the second time in less than a minute, letting out a long collective ‘ooh’. The First Country bloke seized the moment, ran on, kicked the motionless ball with more force than was necessary. Once again, it headed straight for me.

‘Bill, mate, looks like you got the best seat in the house.’

The unexpected voice—right behind me, almost in my ear—stole my attention. I instinctively turned my head, and the ball grazed my face and knocked my glasses to the ground.

‘Shit.’

The voice laughed. I fumbled around, found my glasses, wiped them clean, slipped them on. Sometimes luck comes my way—they hadn’t been broken or scratched more than they already were.

‘Nice one, dickhead,’ the voice said.

I looked up and couldn’t help smiling, my day that much brighter—Tobe stood there, squinting in the sun with an easy smile on his face. He was my oldest friend, my best mate, the brother I never had. Tall, wiry and a little manic, his face creased by years under the unforgiving sun, his bony ribs poking through a T-shirt that had long ago seen better days, his cut-off shorts ripped in some spots and threadbare in others—he was a classic.

‘G’day, Bill,’ he said.

I stood back up, once again shaking the lethargy from my body. The football had come to rest at my feet, and I gave it a swift kick, sending it back onto the oval.

‘Tobe, long time no see.’

He leaned his bike against the tree I had been slouched under. It was such a ridiculous thing, more a homemade rickshaw than anything else, with two mismatched wheels at the front, a metal bench seat between them, the rider’s seat at the back, and a single wheel behind that. He looked at it lovingly, and then pulled a worn metal strongbox from the bench seat. On one side of the strongbox, still visible despite the rust, were the initials CRP.

Creeps. The bastards.

‘How’s it going?’ Tobe asked, holding out his hand.

‘Not bad.’

We shook hands, hugged awkwardly.

‘It’s good to see you, Tobe.’

‘You too, mate.’

Another throaty roar from the crowd broke our embrace as the First Country blokes kicked their third goal in only a handful of minutes, the ball once again heading straight at me.

‘Looks like we’ve got Buckley’s,’ Tobe said.

‘Sure does.’

‘We might want to, ah, find some new seats, too.’

‘Right you are.’

‘Okay then, give me a sec.’

He turned away, cupped his hands to his mouth, yelled loud enough to be heard above the crowd. ‘Red! Blue! Come on!’

Two dogs darted onto the oval, bringing the game to a halt. It was Red and Blue, Tobe’s blue-heeler and his red-heeler. They were chasing each other, nipping at each other, stopping every now and then to wrestle. Tongues lolling and tails wagging, they were playing hard and loving it.

‘Come on, stop pissing about!’

They froze, sniffed the air, looked back and forth, ran again, mounted the fence around the oval with ease, headed straight for me. They ignored Tobe, preferring to sniff at my crotch instead.

‘Get out of it!’ Tobe yelled, his voice unexpectedly violent.

I took an involuntary step back, a little startled and trying hard not to show it. Tobe’s temper was a local legend, a contrary and rage-filled thing that still managed to shock me. Red and Blue flopped down on their bellies, staring at him pitifully.

‘So, where were we?’ Tobe asked, smiling wide, his anger dissipating like a lone cloud under the hot sun.

I shook my head. ‘Lead on, MacDuff,’ I said, waving the way forward.

‘It’s lay on, dickhead, lay on.’

We set off. Red and Blue stayed by Tobe’s side, tails between their legs, still spooked by his outburst. I offered to carry the strongbox while he wheeled his bike, but he just shrugged, telling me not to worry. Slowly, we wound through the crowd that lined the oval, nodding and smiling and saying ‘g’day’ to everyone we passed. I was chuffed that the town had rallied—it was something that didn’t happen very often. But it was funny as well; no one we passed wanted to talk, their eyes fixed on the game. Although we might have come together to enjoy it, we all ended up watching it alone.

Tobe and I stopped in the shade of the ruined grandstand. It loomed over us, a towering skeleton of splintered wood, jagged steel, faded signs. Most of the roof had fallen in, dropping a pile of rubble and scrap where rows of seats had once been. Only the two rows closest to the oval had escaped being crushed, their trailing innards slowly crumbling into a powdery plastic dust, the scraps of leather still clinging to the cushions brittle and worn.

‘I reckon this’ll do,’ I said, eager to sit down and take it easy again.

‘No worries.’

The seat I had chosen almost collapsed under me. Tobe smiled a cruel smile before dropping the strongbox and gingerly settling in the seat next to mine. Red and Blue looked at him quizzically, so he reached out and patted them both.

‘Good boy, good girl.’

He pulled a hefty set of rusty keys from his pocket and unlocked the strongbox, dragging out a battered tin bowl and an equally battered canteen. He poured the dogs a drink and then settled his lanky frame back in the seat.

‘So, what did I…’

Red jumped up on him, cutting him off. She planted her front paws firmly in his crotch and started licking his face. I laughed aloud. Seemingly unable to hide his amusement, Tobe laughed as well and then playfully pushed her away. He told both dogs to sit. They sat. He nudged the water bowl with his foot and told them to drink. They drank. And then he told them to piss off, and they ran.

‘I’ll try that again. So, what did I miss?’

I looked out at the oval. We had moved a long way from the First Country goals and were only an easy spit from our own—I could barely make out the thrashing I knew we were receiving. The crowd roared again, but I couldn’t see why.

‘This mob rocked up about a week ago,’ I said. ‘They set up camp and a market behind the school, and asked around if anyone wanted a game, wanted a bit of old fashioned fun. You know, the usual.’

It was far from that; theirs was the first caravan I had seen in five or six years. It was no wonder they had pulled such a crowd.

‘Looks like things haven’t changed that much.’

‘Nothing ever does.’

Tobe laughed.

‘How about you?’ I asked.

He leaned forward, reached into the strongbox, pulled out a dusty glass bottle and two stained tin cups. ‘I’m good, mate. And it’s good to be back.’ He held the bottle up. ‘Fancy a little something to get the party started?’ I nodded. If it weren’t for creature comforts, the life we lived would be nothing but an all-day grind. Tobe wrenched the cap off, held the bottle to his nose, took a deep breath. His face wrinkled in disgust.

‘I guess something’s better than nothing,’ he said, carefully passing me the bottle.

I didn’t need to bring it close to catch the eye-watering smell of rancid backyard whisky.

‘And for my next trick…’

He reached into the strongbox once again, this time pulling out a metal box about ten inches square and four inches deep. It was his ‘treasure chest’, taken advantage of frivolously and often, there not really being any rainy days left. He opened it up, revealing a thin piece of animal skin folded over on itself. The skin yawned open; inside sat a hefty chunk of the wild-weed that grew rampant in the mountains to the south.

Same old Tobe, he doesn’t change.

‘Nice one,’ I said. ‘It’s good to see that you came prepared. But where’d you get the stuff? The weed, as usual, no worries. But the whiskey?’

Tobe said nothing, smiling to himself.

‘I thought the pub had run its cellar dry?’

Tobe still said nothing.

‘You know how annoying you are, don’t you?’

‘No, Bill, I don’t. You know what—why don’t you enlighten me?’

‘Dickhead.’ Tobe snorted and tried not to laugh.

‘So, come on, where’d you get it?’

‘Well, yeah, the pub has almost run dry,’ he said, deflecting my question. ‘I reckon Lou’s got just enough tucked away to help us forget this woefully one-sided game, and then that’s it.’

He leaned forward, pouring us both a shot. I leaned back and threw my feet up on the strongbox.

‘It’s a bloody shame, there’s pretty much nothing else left.’

‘Yeah.’

Tobe picked up the two tin cups and passed one to me. ‘To happier times.’ I smiled, despite the solemnity of our skol. I’m not sure why, it was one of those things. I hadn’t seen Tobe in a while—he had been out scavenging, running some of his ‘errands’. Whenever he left, there was never any guarantee he would be back. Believe me, there’s no point waiting; I once wasted more years that way than I care to count. As always, I had been missing our bullshit sessions, crap talking and dog wrangling, hazy nights filled with tequila and weed, old records blaring loud and pushing back the dark.

We knocked off our drinks. Tobe poured two more.

_________

A car horn blared from one of the wrecks filling the carpark next to the oval, signalling half-time. Tobe smiled to himself and plucked a wooden bowl from the seemingly bottomless strongbox. He wiped it clean with his grimy T-shirt before reaching into the animal-skin bundle. His nimble fingers shredded weed and homegrown bush tobacco—rough stuff, bred for the drought—and he started rolling a joint, using a crumbling piece of yellowing paper.

I watched Tobe tear and fold the paper, add his special mix and slowly create a monster. I resisted the urge to call out: ‘It’s alive! It’s alive!’

‘Ta-da,’ he said when he was done.

He reached into his pocket and dug out his lighter. It was an antique, made of some dull grey metal. A Zippo, I think that’s what they used to call them. It ran on an esoteric fuel of Tobe’s own design; the flame shot high when he sparked it up. The acrid taint of burning hair and the pungent tang of smouldering weed drifted my way as Tobe lit the joint, singeing his eyebrows at the same time.

A man of strange dignity, he ignored the smell, took a few drags and then passed it my way.

‘Cheers.’

‘No worries.’

I took a long, slow drag.

‘So, what do you reckon?’ Tobe asked.

‘It’s good,’ I managed to say before I broke down coughing.

‘But maybe a little harsh?’

I passed the joint back and gulped my canteen, my throat raw and hot. ‘Just a little,’ I said with a wheeze.

Tobe smiled around the burning joint, saying nothing. After a while, he passed it back. This time, I had a little more luck. Tobe drummed a beat on the wooden frame of the seat as he waited, the dull gold ring on his left hand clicking loudly, tick-tick-tick. He shifted back and forth, tapping his feet, whistling something complicated and tuneless. You could almost see the manic energy leaking out of him, a far-too-familiar sight.

I passed the joint back, and then Red and Blue appeared as if from nowhere, running across the now empty oval, chasing each other yet again. Still smiling around the burning joint, Tobe called them over and they promptly headed our way.

‘Good boy, good girl.’

They lapped at the water in their bowl and then collapsed in the shade, panting madly. Only moments later, they were curled up side-by-side, eyes closed, still panting. Tobe reached out. With one hand he gave Red a scratch, with the other he passed me the burning joint.

‘I’m glad you made it back for the game,’ I said, taking another long drag. ‘It wouldn’t have been the same.’

‘Cheers, Bill. It’s been bloody ages since I’ve seen us get thumped—I’d be kicking myself if I missed it.’

‘So how’d it go out there?’ I asked, passing the joint back. I had put in a few requests before he left, and was keen to know if he had had any success.

‘I just got back from out south-west,’ he said, shooting me a wicked grin. ‘Had to go see a man about a dog, and got stuck longer than I thought I would.’

‘What happened?’

He looked me in the eye and took a drag on the joint, stretching the moment out. ‘Not much,’ he said, smirking through his signature smile.

In the background, the crowd started to stir as the two teams marched back onto the oval. Once more, the car horn sounded. Red twitched in her sleep, her paws kicking. Blue farted. I barely paid them any attention.

‘Come on, mate,’ I said.

Tobe took another drag. The game started. I ignored it. ‘Well?’

‘All right, all right, all right,’ he said, passing the joint back. ‘The last few days I was there, it rained.’

I was so surprised that I almost dropped the joint. ‘Real rain?’ I asked. ‘Not just a shower of bird piss?’

‘Real rain, you bet.’

‘Rain rain?’

‘Rain rain.’

I actually raised my eyebrows.

‘For a whole night and some of the next morning. Five inches, maybe six.’

This time, I did drop the joint. I picked it back up, leaned forward, looked in Tobe’s face for any sign of bullshit. He smiled brightly, his eyes flashing with excitement.

‘Did you manage to check the books? We haven’t seen something like that in…’ I thought hard and gave up. I couldn’t remember ever seeing rain like that.

‘It’s been forty-odd years. I looked it up and I still don’t believe it.’

‘Any idea where it was coming from?’

‘I had it at my back all the way home.’

I looked at him again. We had been mates so long that neither of us could get away with lying to the other.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…’

TWO

The remainder of the game was nothing but a vague haze. Tobe roared and cheered with the crowd, but I barely noticed him—I was lost in a fool’s dream, rolling fields of the greenest grass passing by my mind’s eye. Lush and brilliant, they were a colour that no longer existed, faded pictures and crumbling photographs the only proof that it had ever existed.

I let preposterous hopes lull me into a waking sleep. I could almost hear the whisper of rain.

The blaring horn that signalled the end of the game didn’t rouse me—I watched blankly as a couple of First Country folk wandered onto the field and helped the players clean their cuts and scrapes, washing them down with tea-tree oil. People mingled, shook hands, slapped each other on the back. At some point I realised that the oval was empty and that the crowd had disappeared.

‘Bill, mate, are you all right?’

I flinched, surprised by Tobe’s voice.

‘It’s just that, ah, you haven’t said anything in a while.’

I slowly looked around and caught his eye. He was genuinely concerned, and I couldn’t help but smile.

‘It’s a bit of a shock, that’s all,’ I said, finally finding my voice.

‘Better get to the pub then, a few drinks will fix that.’

I struggled to wrench myself out of my seat, made it to my feet, picked up my pack, slung it on my back. ‘Okay, let’s go.’

‘You’re a funny bastard, Bill. You know that?’

I shrugged.

‘Fair enough,’ Tobe said. ‘So, I guess you want a ride…’

I scratched my chin, pretending to think about it. ‘That’d be great.’

‘No worries.’ Tobe nudged Blue with his toe. Both dogs woke suddenly and looked at Tobe pitifully. ‘Come on.’

They didn’t move.

‘What are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas? Come on!’

They begrudgingly bounded up, stretching themselves flat and yawning wide. Tobe turned away. The dogs and I followed him around the empty oval that was already mourning the disappearance of the life it had so briefly felt.

It took no time at all to make it to Tobe’s ridiculous bike.

I gingerly lowered myself onto the cracked wooden bench seat, and he shoved his strongbox at me. A rasping, dirty wind was picking up. I pulled my glasses off, tucking them in a pocket.

‘Comfy?’ Tobe asked.

‘Very fucking funny.’

‘Right then, away we go…’

The bike shuddered as Tobe pushed hard to get us moving. Inch by painful inch, we picked up speed. Red and Blue ran ahead; they knew that traffic wasn’t really a problem. Dust and grit constantly flew into my face. I kept my mouth shut, clenched my teeth to stop them from chattering, closed my eyes, hoped that it would be all over soon.

By the time Tobe brought us to a halt, the dust on my face was so thick that it fell in drifts from my beard.

I brushed away as much dust as I could, and then awkwardly hopped off the bench seat. The pub loomed over us, an ancient, red-brick building with a wide wooden veranda. It had never looked so inviting—I heard the low hum of happy conversation and laughter, the clink of bottles, the clang of tin cups being knocked together. From the direction of the beer garden came the howl of a homemade guitar, the smash-bang of a drum kit made from scrap. A couple of other dogs lay under the veranda; Tobe made sure that the old horse trough on the footpath had a dribble or two in the bottom, and then ordered Red and Blue to join them.

They begrudgingly did as he said. None of the other dogs stirred—it was too hot for trouble.

‘After you,’ Tobe said, waving me forward. ‘Age before beauty.’

I smiled to myself as I hurried through the doors. Dirty air washed over me, heavy with the smell of booze and wood smoke and sweat, thick with a combination of bush tobacco, wild weed, and meat roasting on a spit. Excited and boisterous voices fought against the music bleeding in from outside. The First Country team sat with the townsfolk team at the biggest table, reliving the game without having to suffer the arrogance or embarrassment they must have felt out on the field.

Everyone looked happy.

‘Mate, shit, I forgot my strongbox. I’ll be back in a tick,’ Tobe said abruptly.

I turned to say ‘no worries’, but he had already gone. I turned back, keen to congratulate both teams on the game, immediately got caught by the buzz of excitement and the sheer mass of people, and completely forgot about Tobe.

I was lost in the frantic mess of happy people and loving every minute of it. Eventually, I managed to prop up at the bar.

‘Howdy, stranger.’

Louise winked at me, her drawl as ridiculous as a summer cloud’s promise of rain. You name it, she does it—publican, bartender, bouncer, town counsellor, secret keeper.

‘So, what’ll it be?’ she asked.

‘Anything wet.’

She poured a shot of rotgut tequila. ‘Bill? Sorry to ask, but have you got anything to chuck in?’

My mouth fell open; I had completely forgotten. Louise read the embarrassment in my face—no one likes being a bad neighbour—and winked again.

‘Don’t sweat it,’ she said. ‘They’re on the house.’

I pushed the drink away.

‘Don’t be an idiot.’

She pushed the drink back. I didn’t pick it up.

‘Please.’

She only said it once; that was enough. And then she looked me up and down. I knew she was licking her lips, metaphorically if not literally.

‘Anyway, you can fix me up later. If you know what I mean…’

I feigned outrage, pretending to look shocked, and we laughed long and hard. What we had suited us both, what we shared satisfied. There was no need to give it a name.

‘Cheers,’ I said, picking up my drink.

‘Cheers.’

_________

Time passed quickly. It wasn’t often that the whole town came together; everyone was too busy just trying to hang on, but they all had shown up and were getting along. From every nearby district and shire, from every town that had somehow managed to avoid the Creep’s attention and died away to almost-nothing anyway, from half a day’s walk away to maybe a week’s worth or more, we had all made the hike. And yet even though the room was packed, no one approached the wall opposite the bar. It was covered in a length of plain hessian, but we all knew what lay behind it: faded photographs, crumbling newspaper clippings, long-forgotten letters, suicide notes, eviction orders.

It was our wailing wall, so that we would always remember. Sometimes, though, it was okay to forget.

The sun slowly set, the bullshit flowed, the booze ran like manna from heaven and everything was right with the world. Max and Maxine—twins, all that was left of the oldest family in town—brought their primitive brand of music to a frenzied crescendo, stopped it dead, and then joined the party. Lanterns were lit. The moon started to rise. A bonfire outside was set ablaze in a wide, shallow pit lined with rocks. The whole time, Tobe’s news spread like a virus. Everyone reacted the same way, rapidly moving from shock to joy to cynicism, telling anyone who would listen that they had better not get their hopes up, that it’s best to save them for a rainy day.

And always a wink or an elbow in the ribs.

When I went outside to take a piss, I found Tobe sitting by himself under a gnarled, long-dead oak tree. He didn’t see me at first; he was staring into space, bathed in moonlight, his face blank, perfectly still. Each time he blinked, it seemed the biggest movement in the world. He didn’t look happy or sad; he looked empty, scarily so. I quickly did my business and then coughed loudly. He instantly came back to life, hurried over, hugged me tightly, led us back inside.

I kept a drunken eye on him and he took advantage of it, thrashing me at pool.

Giving up on him, I dawdled away. I saw everyone: Sheldon, the town waterman, who challenged me to a game of cards and took me for all I was worth; Louise, who caught me standing alone under the stars and swept in for a kiss; Cathy Ng, the mad postie, dressed in a tattered dressing-gown, who hugged me awkwardly. I tried again to congratulate the football players, only to feel a hand on my shoulder stop me in my tracks: Old Man Veidt, looking down his nose at me, resplendent in an old-fashioned suit that was in good repair. His wife stood next to him, an image of old-world glamour in a well-preserved evening dress that would have fetched plenty in trade if you could find the right buyer. They were the oldest folk in town bar Sheldon, who was older than the rocks in the earth. They smiled toothlessly at me and yet somehow still looked smug.

‘How did you like the whiskey?’ Old Man Veidt asked.

In his accent, it came out as ‘viskey’. I looked at him blankly.

‘So, the viskey, ja?’

I had no idea what he was talking about.

‘Tobe told us he shared it vith you. Very kind of him, dear boy. It vas gift, for a favour.’

This time it was Old Woman Veidt who spoke—she shared the same accent. But this time it all made sense. I didn’t know what to say; I didn’t want to abuse their generosity.

‘It was good. It had been a long time.’

Diplomatic, I hoped. They both smiled without any warmth.

‘He is strange one, your friend Tobe. Always so busy-busy-busy helping people. Sometimes I vonder…’

I tried to butt in; I had known him the longest, only I had the right to criticise him. But she just rode over the top of me.

‘I think he needs us more than we need him.’

Old Man Veidt, sensing my discomfort, subtly took hold of her elbow, shutting her up. ‘Shall we move outside?’

I was glad for the change of subject, and we staggered out to the bonfire. We shared some of their vile whiskey, sipping from a hipflask, watching the hippy kids who lived up in the hills play their drums and sing in their borrowed voices. Some of the First Country folk sat on the opposite side of the fire, watching hard. They laughed occasionally, shook their heads, smiled sadly, making obvious their respectful yet scornful amusement. The Veidts and I ended up getting caught by the hippies’ beat—we took to the patch of bare earth that was our dance floor. When I ached enough, I walked away, drinking and talking with whomever I found myself next to.

I found myself back at the bar. Louise leaned towards me. Short and stocky—a full head shorter than me—she didn’t make it that close. You could see in her eyes that she had done far too much laughing and far too much crying, and had far too many glasses of long-reserved bubbly.

‘I love this bloody town,’ she said, rapping her knuckles on the bar, knocking my drink into my lap.

I looked down, laughing. A stain had bloomed in my crotch, but what did it matter? Appearances didn’t mean much, that world was long gone. Louise looked at me, eyes bloodshot, unaware of the mess she had made.

‘Where was I?’ she asked.

I shrugged.

‘Shit… Um… That’s right, I was right here.’ She rapped on the bar again. ‘Right where I should be. Now, look, I love this bloody town. And I love the people. Everyone comes in here, sooner or later, and I know everyone’s name and everyone knows mine. I’m good to them all, whether I like them or not. And I do my best to make them comfy. It’s my way of saying thanks…’ she waved around the room, gesturing at everything and nothing, ‘…to the town.’

I blearily looked up at her. ‘So, why leave?’ I was well on the way to being drunk, my vision a little blurry, my voice a little slurred.

‘Bill, I’m not like you or one of those families out the back of Bourke.’ She poured a glass of bubbly from a bottle that had been locked in a dusty glass case behind the bar for as long as I could remember. She cracked a fresh bottle of rotgut tequila, poured me a shot. ‘All I’ve got left is the pub. And I’m out, I’m done, my bore’s run dry. No more water, no more pub.’

‘But…’

‘There are no buts.’

‘Hang on,’ I said. ‘The town would help you out, everyone would pitch in.’

‘Sure they would. But I’m no burden. Never. So, catch you later.’

I couldn’t contain my frustration. ‘Fuck, Lou, don’t do that.’ I looked her in the eye, beyond the sadness and the tears. ‘Let me help. Come work my place with me.’

She didn’t answer.

‘I’d love the company…’

She smiled—a tiny, flickering thing. ‘Now, why go and ruin a good thing?’ She winked.

I decided to let it go, for the moment. ‘So, what’s the plan then?’

‘Don’t really know. Probably hit the road and hope I get picked up and shipped to the camp. After that, if I’m lucky, head up to the line.’

The Brisbane line. The southern-most border of ‘civilised’ Australia, sealing off the majority of the population from the desiccated wasteland that some of us still called home. Unexpectedly and desperately depressed, I tried to find something to say.

‘Don’t,’ she said. She started to cry. She turned and looked away, pretending to inspect the empty liquor shelf behind her. ‘I don’t want to leave. But as much as I love it here, I’ve got no choice.’

I could barely hear her. She turned back, tried to smile, made it happen. She placed the bottle of tequila on the bar, filled our glasses to the brim. We drank. Around us, the party grew wilder still. Louise and I knocked off a second shot, and then another and then another. Our spirits soared once more.

After a while, I kissed her on the cheek and got to my feet. I started to sway, shook it off, and cruised through the bedlam.

_________

Much later, Tobe and I headed out behind the pub to smoke a joint in private, dragging Louise with us. She got us singing a song that was old news when I was a boy, and we ended up sprawled on the bonnet of a rusted-out Holden that had given up the ghost next to a wild garden of cacti and succulents. They broke up the bare earth, some ten feet tall and strong and proud, some in great bushes of spikes and spines, some with bright flowers in all the colours you can imagine. We shared the joint in silence, staring at the stars—three little monkeys sitting in a row and grinning in the moonlight.

In no time, my mind started to wander. I was pretty drunk, pretty high, and pretty happy.

Tobe and Louise started talking excitedly, their words slurred. Still lost in the stars, I tuned them out and listened to the wind, the dim hubbub spilling from the pub. The sky was bright, the full moon getting closer. I started counting the shining needlepoints of light.

At some point, I tuned back in to Tobe and Louise’s conversation. He spoke softly; she ummed and aahed.

‘…take over? You know me, I love this place, I’d hate to see it go. Hell, when I’m around I’m in here every night. You know, I’ve already got a couple of ideas for the old girl. If you knocked down…’

I walked away in a happy daze, made my way back to the fire, which had now burnt down to glowing embers. Someone I barely recognised—one of the Kumari kids from the border properties, who mostly kept to themselves—heaved dead twigs and dried leaves onto the embers. They flared up and the Kumari Kid (as I promptly, drunkenly dubbed him) tended them well, the fire blazing, sparking, reaching for the sky.

‘Come on, this party needs life!’

He threw his head back and actually roared, a ridiculous expression of animal energy. He jittered, twitching like his skin was too tight, and started dancing around the fire, his bare feet kicking up dust and ash. He babbled; invented words, gobbledegook. Some of the hippies staggered out of the pub, drawn by the noise. They picked up their drums, began playing again. A few of the First Country folk laughed heartily and joined in. Like a flash, I was up dancing next to the Kumari Kid. And then Tobe was next to me, the three of us smashing our feet into the hard ground, moving as one.

The drums kept on.

‘I think I’m the new proprietor of our favourite local,’ Tobe said, yelling in my ear.

He was pretty drunk, his eyes red and unfocused. We knocked our cups together, spilling tequila all over ourselves.

‘Good one.’

Without the slightest warning, a raging noise blew in—a roar that tore through the night and shook the earth. The dogs out the front of the pub started howling. Conversations faltered as everyone fell quiet. The noise kept on, steadily growing louder. Tobe and I turned, scanning the sky, seeing nothing. I looked over at him—he was already running for the road, heading for the hill behind the pub.

I followed, unexpectedly clearheaded, taking everything in as if it had been laid out on display.

Everyone ran with us. Sheldon huffed and puffed, cursing his old body. Louise jogged next to me, smiled at me, rapidly overtook me. The Veidts hurried along, somehow making the process look dignified. Max and Maxine moved fast yet made it look like they were taking it easy. Cathy Ng half-limped and half-ran, clutching at her dressing gown, trying not to catch herself in it. The Kumari Kid darted back and forth, circling the crowd, urging everyone to move faster. The First Country captain led his people on, trailing well behind, watchful and wary.

We kept running. We crested the hill. We all stood in silence, raggedly trying to catch our collective breath.

The wind started, furnace-hot. Its screaming whine and the roar that tore through the sky were the only sounds in the world. From the corner of my eye I saw someone lick their finger and hold it up in the air. I heard someone else say: ‘It’s coming from the west, dickhead.’ And then the word rain seemed to be falling from everyone’s lips.

A flash lit up the horizon, staining the sky dull-orange and crimson-red. Someone started yelling: ‘Light! Light! Light to the west!’

For a moment, it burned too bright, blinding me. It soon faded away, only to then happen repeatedly. I looked around; everyone seemed to have their eyes shut and their fists clenched.

The world shook again.

We waited, all eyes fixed on the horizon, everyone saying the same word over and over: Rain! Rain! Rain! But none came. After a while, people started drifting away and the only sound left was their angry mutterings and disappointed sighs. I turned my back on the horizon as well. Like everyone else, I stared at the ground as I walked. No one wanted to look anyone else in the eye.

Back inside the pub, no one was saying much—scowls and frowns were the twin expressions almost everyone wore. I looked around, becoming aware of an unsettled silence that had fallen over the room. A gloomy moment of calm; we were crushed by our disappointment and resigned to the fact.

I pushed up to the bar. Louise smiled sadly. I returned her smile, although mine held even less cheer than hers.

She opened a bottle of tequila, poured me a shot. Eyes red-rimmed but still sharp, she was doing a good job of keeping it together, embracing what helped her keep her chin up. Serving drinks was only part of it. Making people feel at home, that’s what she loved. The pub, our town square, our shire hall, our fiddler’s green, had only kicked on because of her.

Overwhelmed by a sudden lethargy, a melancholy pisshead once again finding solace in the company of other melancholy pissheads, for a moment I wanted to just give up and chuck it in. I asked for a fresh round instead. It was either that or run desperately into the night, screaming wordlessly.

My drink appeared in front of me. I pulled out my possum-skin pouch, tried to roll up some bush tobacco, made a mess of myself. Louise eventually took the pouch from my unsteady hands and did the job for me. I lit up, raised my drink and finished it a single swallow.

Louise poured me another. We settled in for a long night.

THREE

I woke up thirsty, already drenched in sweat. I groaned aloud. It was a desperate, pathetic sound and I hated it. I struggled to sit up, propping myself on my elbows, looking around the dark room, trying to remember what had happened after returning to the pub. I gave up as my head started pounding, my hangover kicking in. When everything’s homemade, everything’s stronger, both your pleasures and your poisons.

‘Ah, you’re awake,’ Tobe said.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by his voice, but I was.

‘This should help.’

He threw the curtains open. I groaned a third time, dazed by the bright light. Blinking it away, I realised that I was home. How? I turned to look at Tobe, but he was already walking out the door. I sat up, waved away the first flies of a brand new day, wished my head would stop hurting, wondered where my glasses had gone. The low moan of the wind joined the sweet birdsong echoing from the bush and the occasional scrape of the rusted windmill in an otherworldly symphony.

The quiet broke as Tobe started banging around in the kitchen. ‘Here, this’ll fix you right up,’ he said when he re-entered the room.

I sat up. He passed me a chipped cup of black billy tea, rolled me some bush tobacco, passed that over too.

‘Thanks,’ I croaked.

‘No worries.’

He smiled at me. He was clear-eyed, the bastard. He flopped down on the edge of the bed; I sipped at my tea, guzzled more water, slowly started feeling better. Before the first cup of tea was done, Tobe offered to make another. I nodded gratefully. He disappeared into the kitchen, came back with two fresh cups and the bottle of whiskey. Red and Blue trotted along beside him, their tails wagging. He shooed them away; the slam of the flyscreen door echoed behind them as they bolted outside.

‘Fancy a bit of a pick-me-up?’

Tobe poured a shot into his cup. He looked at me, hard eyed, daring me to say no. He smirked, kissing the rim of my cup with the neck of the bottle.

‘No bloody way.’

He shrugged. ‘Girl.’

I decided to chance having a smoke and lit the bush tobacco Tobe had rolled for me. My stomach heaved and I hacked up my guts. Tobe smirked again, plucking the rollie from my fingers.

‘Shit, I forgot—I’ve got something that might cheer you up.’

I tried not to act surprised. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a worn wooden box about six inches by three.

‘Here you go.’

He passed it over. Inside was a clean square of cloth. I eased it out, opened it up. My hands shook; I almost dropped a brand new pair of glasses.

No way…

They seemed untouched; I couldn’t even guess how old they must have been. I slipped them on. A little fuzzy in spots, not perfect, but nothing is. However, the world was suddenly much clearer than it had been from behind the cracked, good-for-nothing pair I had been wearing.

‘Cheers, mate.’ I knew better than to ask where they came from.

‘No worries,’ he said, a genuinely happy smile creasing his face.

I lay back down, still not really awake, and marvelled at the fact that at last I could once again count the cracks in the ceiling. Tobe pulled something else from his pocket and started rolling a breakfast joint, whistling tunelessly under his breath. I yawned. My hangover went from being indescribably painful to just ordinarily painful. Eventually, Tobe lit the joint, took a drag, waved it my way. I blanched, my stomach a churning ocean. He muttered something under his breath, something I guessed to be a crude insult on my manhood.

‘Dickhead,’ I replied.

He laughed.

‘So, anyway—how’d the rest of last night go?’ I asked.

I don’t know why I asked, beyond the gruesome fascination with accidents and disasters we all share. Maybe it was the slightly crazed shine in Tobe’s eyes; he looked like he had been hitting it hard and hadn’t managed to stop, like he needed to get something out but didn’t know how.

‘It didn’t rain, everyone cracked it, the mood got ugly…’

‘Yeah, yeah, come on, give me some credit, I made it that far.’

‘As I was saying—the mood got ugly, there were a couple of fights, you threw up on your boots, I had to dink you home. You know, the usual.’

Tobe started laughing, which soon became a cough deep in his chest. He hacked into his fist, rubbing at the tears streaming from his bloodshot eyes. Once he had gotten himself under control, he offered me the joint again.

I ignored it and his laughter. ‘So what about those lights? What were they all about?’

Tobe’s laughter stopped dead. ‘Don’t know, mate.’

There was something in his voice, a catch or stumble. I looked at him, unable to tell whether he was messing with me or not.

‘That’s a shame about the rain,’ I muttered.

No reply.

An awkward silence hung between us. Tobe didn’t move, didn’t say anything. A little weirded out, I gave up, hauling myself out of bed. Tobe sat there, his face glazed. I left him to his stoned reverie, slowly got dressed. From nowhere, my head started swimming and I staggered a little.

‘Easy, easy,’ Tobe said, getting to his feet, offering me his arm like someone does a cripple or a senior citizen.

I clutched at him, nearly pulling him off his feet.

‘Come on, Bill, get it together.’

I couldn’t do it, and Tobe lowered me back onto the bed. His face unreadable, he just looked down at me. This went on for a moment too long—I reluctantly got back to my feet, Tobe’s stare drilling into me.

And then he shook his head. ‘Sorry, got lost for a sec,’ he said, smiling a smart-arse smile.

I let it slide. ‘Right, what’s the plan?’ I asked, more out of a desire to speed up his departure than because I was dying to know. I had another long day ahead of me and knew that nothing would get done in a hurry.

‘I reckon I’m off down to the pub. I want to check out the damage, maybe even start making some plans, if last night I did what I think I did… Hey, you know what? If I did take over, that’d make me your new publican.’

I whistled low as it all came back to me. ‘Nice one, dickhead.’

He ignored my slight. ‘How about you?’ he asked. ‘What are you up to?’

I pretended to think about it, scratching my head. ‘Chores and jobs and stuff.’

‘Different day.’

‘Same bullshit.’

We laughed together, unrepentant lovers of an old joke.

‘Right, then,’ I said. ‘Lead on, MacDuff.’

Tobe rolled his eyes but didn’t correct me. I followed him through the dark house, every curtain drawn to keep the heat at bay. We walked down the old hallway and past the dusty rooms, making our way more by memory than by sight, winding through what had once been my parents’ house, my grandparents’ house, my great-grandparents’ house. We walked outside, into the hot, dry air. Flies swarmed us and we did the salute. Fresh sweat was already bleeding through my coveralls. I held my canteen out. Tobe declined.

‘Red! Blue! Come on, stop fucking about!’ he yelled, calling his dogs to him.

They appeared in the distance, ran to us, collapsed at Tobe’s feet. He smiled at them, gave them a pat and a scratch, and then he straddled his bike. Red and Blue both groaned. They looked at him with sad, wet eyes, but they got to their feet nonetheless.

‘Take it easy, all right?’

‘You too, mate, you too. We’ll have some games soon, all right?’

‘No worries.’

He dinged his bell a cheery goodbye, Red and Blue hurrying after him. I waved until he was nothing but a speck in the distance.

_________

The house loomed behind me. In front of me, the dirt road leading into town—the road that Tobe had taken—was a distant, dusty sliver. I stared at nothing, those flashing lights in the sky playing in my mind’s eye.

It quickly grew too hot to stand there in the sun.

I made a quick stop by the withered desert lime, watered it with my own secret ingredient and then headed back inside. My feet followed a familiar path to the kitchen; too thirsty to fumble around for a cup, I drank straight from the tap. It shuddered, shook violently, started spitting out water. As usual, the water was lukewarm and cloudy.

I tried not to think about how low the tanks must be.

My thirst temporarily sated, I wandered off to the bathroom. I stripped, filled a rough tin bucket a few inches deep, sacrificed enough water to wash my beard and my crotch, my armpits and my feet. I caught the grey scum in another bucket. The reflection in the cracked mirror looked older than my forty-something years should, all faded bushranger beard and greasy grey hair, deep-set wrinkles, and sunburn that wouldn’t fade. Naked, still a little wet, I returned to the kitchen and raided the cupboards. I breakfasted, standing up, on a few slices of dried roo, a couple of shrivelled desert limes, a handful of sun-scorched berries. When I had emptied my plate, I tried to ignore the fact that I was still a bit hungry.

We were all a little bit hungry all the time. We just got used to it.

I rolled up some bush tobacco. I found my tinderbox, struck a tiny fire, lit up. The smoke was harsh. I drip-dried in the sunlight pouring through the kitchen window, my eyes shut; I couldn’t tell the difference between the dirty water from my bucket-bath and the fresh sweat that had started running. The heat weighed on me, made it hard to breathe. I gave up on my smoke, took myself back inside, changed into some work clothes—heavy boots and coveralls. My hat was in its usual place—hanging on a rusty nail that had been hammered into the wall long before I had been born.

Everything I wore was a hand-me-down or had been cobbled together.

I stomped outside and got to it, clearing scrub from around the house, checking on the nearest traps. They were empty, as usual. I topped up my canteen, rolled up some more bush tobacco, took a break, had a smoke under the veranda out the front of the house. In front of me was an empty paddock of stunted and bleached-yellow grass; it sloped down gently, after a while meeting the road into town. I knew that down there, standing by the driveway gate, the house was almost hidden by the dying grass, the dense scrub and a straggly thicket of yellowbox that somehow still hung on.

The only things that broke the emptiness of the paddocks were a few reefs of rock reaching out of the parched earth and a barren watercourse cutting a dirt scar across the monotony. The whole place looked derelict; you would think that no one but a fool could call it home. I whispered thanks to my parents and grandparents, to their parents and grandparents, to everyone who helped make it happen. Out the back of the house—its rambling bulk concealing them from prying eyes—the hill rolled down into a shallow valley, ending at my shrivelled fruit trees and my ragged veggie patch.

Beyond them, nestled in the shade of a towering gum, grew a single rose that got watered every day no matter what.

I set off across the paddock, checked the traps strung out on the land, poked in the few rabbit holes left, rapped on the roughly hewn possum boxes clinging to the dead and dying trees, checked for felled roos caught in bear traps wrought from broken pieces of farm machinery. Nothing. I made the hike to the nearest dam, heaved on an oversized roller knocked together from the axle of a broken-down tractor, wound back the dam’s reflective cover. It was one of Tobe’s ideas: an enormous sheet of some kind of plastic that must have been worth a fortune to someone, stopping any water from evaporating during the long, hot days.

If it did rain you had to be out there like shit off a shovel, dragging it back.

Barely staining the dam bed was a brackish puddle. I scooped out a bucket of dreck, wound the cover back, carried the dreck back to the house, sat it under the veranda. I once again set off across the paddock. This time, I stopped at each solar still—deep holes sealed off with ratty tarpaulins—and climbed down to retrieve any dew that had settled during the night. I carted each load back to the house and left it under the veranda before setting off for the next. By the time I was done, the sun had moved across the house, no longer threatening the veggie patch and the fruit trees. They were begging for a drink, and I decided to dig more stills another day. I carefully rolled back the tattered shade-cloth that protected them. I emptied all the water I had collected. It didn’t even settle the dust. I doled out grey-water from the house; it was next to useless. I hurried inside, filled a bucket with water from the tank, hurried back out, gave everything another splash. I made sure the rose got a good soaking; a flower had bloomed, brilliant and tiny against the dark bush.

I picked the flower and walked to the graveyard and lay it where I had buried her.

I got back into it, weeded the patch, plucked a few undiscovered pieces of shrivelled fruit, checked on some figs that were drying in the sun, picked a few shrivelled berries I had overlooked, picked a prickly-pear, cut a few paddles off a top-heavy cactus that wobbled and tottered and threatened to fall. Done, I looked over the land, thinking the same thing I always did when standing in that spot: it almost looked beautiful.

I set off for the house, found a brown snake sleeping on a rock, cut its head off with a shovel, left the shovel standing in the ground as a marker of sorts.

Never pass up a free lunch.

_________

The spluttering engine of Sheldon’s charcoal-powered truck took an age to reach me. Sacked out under the veranda, skinning the cactus paddles I had picked, being ever-so-careful not to prick myself on the spines, I dismissed the noise as merely the buzzing of a particularly loud fly. I didn’t see the truck until I set aside the oozing cactus flesh and glanced at the dirt road for no other reason than because it was there.

‘You what?’

The truck edged through the gates. I shook my head, confused. The truck turned onto the driveway, struggled to climb the modest hill. I reluctantly hurried away to the barn that housed the water tanks, hating that shadowy room of bad memories. The truck drew closer. The bark of the engine stalling carried on the wind. Sheldon swore, loud enough for me to hear. There was a moment of silence before the engine started back up with a throaty cough—the truck veered off the driveway, cutting a path across the paddock, heavy tyres crushing the dying grass.

‘Morning, Sheldon,’ I yelled as the truck crunched over the gravel apron of the barn.

He nodded at me over the noise of the engine. A solar-powered fan bolted onto the rear-view mirror stirred the air in the cabin, tugging at Sheldon’s wispy hair. A homemade fly-strip hung next to it. Junk cluttered the dashboard: pairs of broken sunglasses, faded maps, a beaten metal hipflask, animal bones, bits of dead wood.

‘How’s your hangover?’ I yelled.

‘Not bad, I didn’t drink that much. I’m too old to keep up with you young folk. How about you?’

‘I’m feeling it today.’

The idling engine droned on. Sheldon said nothing more. I looked up at him.

‘Mate, um, sorry to ask, but what are you doing here?’

His weather-beaten face was expressionless. ‘You don’t remember?’

I didn’t answer, didn’t need to.

‘Last night, you said you were running low and that you could do with a hand. So here I am.’

And so I discovered another hole in my memory. I smiled pathetically, trying to hide my embarrassment. ‘Did I mention how I was going to fix you up?’

Sheldon laughed. ‘Yeah. I’ve got some work that needs doing back home, including a new bore to dig. You said you’d help out.’

He laughed again. Shit. The sun was already dipping, a shimmer on the horizon. The day had been hard enough; I didn’t fancy working through the night as well.

‘It’s all right,’ Sheldon said as my shoulders slumped. ‘It’s been waiting a while, a bit longer can’t hurt.’

‘Cheers.’

Shamefaced, I turned away. I unlocked the barn’s tall wooden doors, waved him inside. He took it slowly, swinging the truck around and backing in. As always, I wondered about the almost illegible letters on the side of the truck that spelled out CFA, but didn’t bother to ask Sheldon what they meant. Instead, I followed the truck inside.

The engine died with a shudder. Silence fell. I did my best to ignore the ghosts that called the barn home.

Sheldon jumped down from the cabin, manhandled a firehose from its nook, connected it to my tank, and refused my offer of help. He started the pump, pulling hard on the whipcord; his old body was still strong.

Blessed water started to flow from the truck.

Sheldon let the pump do its thing and I followed him as he walked outside. He squatted on his haunches in a thin sliver of shade thrown by the barn; I squatted next to him, waiting for him to say something. His back against the wall, his feet scuffing the gravel apron, he just took a tobacco pouch from his pocket and adjusted his battered hat. He rolled some bush tobacco, took out a tinderbox, started a tiny fire, lit up. He stared into the distance, looking like he had always been there, like he had grown out of the dirt. When it became apparent that he was quite happy to sit there in silence, I offered him a drink. As always, he shook his head no, offering me some from his canteen instead. This time, I shook my head no.

It was a well-rehearsed routine.

‘Tobe reckons it’s been raining somewhere out west, not too far from here,’ I said, attempting to break the silence.

‘Yeah, I heard the same.’

That was all he said. I tried again to make conversation.

‘What do you reckon those lights were?’

‘Don’t know.’

The pump groaned, choked, and then went back to beating monotonously. Flies buzzed, birds sang, the wind blew. You could almost hear the slow creak of the world turning. Neither of us spoke. The tiny fire at Sheldon’s feet crackled almost inaudibly. At some point, the pump stopped. For a moment, Sheldon and I just basked in the quiet. But then he put his hands on his knees and pushed himself to his feet. We walked back into the barn; he once again refused my offer of help, shut off the pump, pulled the pipe from the tank, bundled it away. He pulled himself into the truck, settling in the cabin. For a moment, he sat there looking through the open barn doors.

‘I grew up here, Bill. I’ve been here forever, always worked the family farm. It used to be beautiful, full of life. Now, there are only a few of us left. And with the pub on its way out… Shit, what’s a town without a pub?’

His voice was shaking, soft. He looked like he wanted to cry but didn’t know how. It was the longest speech I had ever heard him give; he never said much, a different kind of classic.

He caught me staring. ‘I’m all right,’ he said. He didn’t want or need my pity. ‘Anyway, maybe she’ll kick on. Maybe Tobe’ll work his magic. You never know…’

‘Yeah, maybe.’

His face closed up shop, folding in on itself. ‘Look, just forget it,’ he said, starting the truck, all business again. ‘I’ll let you know when I need a hand.’

‘Catch you later, then.’

‘You bet.’ I waved him off.

A little disheartened, I watched Sheldon’s truck become nothing more than a dirty red blur in the distance. It turned a corner, disappearing behind a line of ironbox trees. The toot-toot-toot of the horn was all that was left, the tiniest echo on the wind. I locked the barn, glad to be done with the place, wishing I would never have to enter it again.

I tramped back to the house, the dying grass snapping beneath my feet like so much broken glass.

I hung my hat back on that old rusty nail, and headed straight for the bathroom. I ran the tap into the bath, stuck my head under the stream. The fresh water in the tank would hold out, as long as I didn’t make a habit of it. I smiled, stupid and wide, washing dust from the scratchy fuzz of my hair, rinsing grit from the bird nest of my beard. The water finally ran clear. I cupped it in my hands and drank.

I ignored the cramp in my stomach and drank some more.

Out the window, I saw the golden glow of twilight. I left the bathroom, stopped at the spare room that served as a library, the walls lined with shelves of books, magazines, photo albums. I stared at them for a long time, ended up choosing a book at random. I went out to the front veranda to enjoy the setting sun. It was beautiful, caressing me softly rather than cooking me in my skin. A cool breeze blew in from the south, bringing blessed relief.

I listened to its lies. I let it tell me that everything would be okay.

As always, I scratched a black line on the wall of the veranda, marking another day without rain. Grouped in blocks of five, the black lines filled the wall. I gave up counting the most recent row when I hit one hundred or so. I laughed, without a hint of humour, trying not to worry about it.

What else could I do?

I turned away from the horror story it told. I stretched and yawned. To be honest, the day had done me in. I slouched on the battered old couch under the veranda, kicked off my boots, rolled some bush tobacco and lit up. The bleached-yellow grass of the paddocks and the mottled greens of the bush slowly softened in the light of the setting sun.

I looked out at it, truly happy.

FOUR

I was reliving the past, trapped in a nightmare, the same one as always. Everything happens slowly, too slowly, forcing me to take in every detail. Images move and are yet somehow static, frozen blurs with sharp edges. I’m forced to watch them, again, again, again. I can’t look away. I scream the whole time, silently.

And there I am, treading the dirt road, hiking home with Tobe after celebrating his engagement. We’re bathed in the light of the setting sun. We’re so young, barely out of our teens. Tobe’s head is thrown back. He’s laughing. I’m gazing into the distance, smiling to myself. It’s a perfect moment. I hate it because I know what comes next and all I can do is watch it happen. I keep screaming as we just continue walking. The sun sets. Tobe and I are at the driveway gate. The house is dark, completely dark. It’s weird; the family was home when we left.

Helpless, I can only watch myself shrug.

Tobe and I stride through the gate, walk up the driveway, stop at the house. I know what we find there—empty rooms, nothing else. I would do anything to change what comes next. But I can’t; all I can do is watch as we start a desperate search that ends at the barn. I watch as I ignore the tattered note on the door and walk inside. I see nooses, stools, bodies—my parents’ bodies. I smell the dead meat smell, the stink of piss and shit. And then Tobe and I jump the house fence, running blindly into the night, calling her name.

The nightmare wouldn’t let me go.

I let loose an animal howl and then a gunshot cracked through my torment, waking me suddenly. I thrashed around, almost falling off the couch. The nightmare faded.

I managed to sit up. It was dark, apart from a soft glow that flickered somewhere behind me. The world was bathed in cold moonlight, the dying grass rippling like the far-off ocean, the easy wind cutting patterns through it.

I stood up, spotted the soft glow—the stub of a candle was burning away, sealed inside a battered lantern hanging from a rafter. I was pretty sure that I hadn’t put it there. I froze, looked across the shadowy paddocks, saw nothing unusual. The faint noises of the night seemed too loud.

Nothing.

My hand shaking slightly, I pulled down the lantern. On the ground a few metres beyond the veranda, I found a note written with a stick, the letters cut deep into the dirt.

‘I’m out getting something to eat. Stick the billy on. Tobe.’

I groaned aloud; Tobe’s company was the last thing I wanted. I headed into the kitchen nonetheless, lugging the lantern with me. I filled a pot with water, stoked the potbelly, wished that Tobe would get around to finishing the solar-powered hotplate that he had been promising for years. I spooned out some billy tea, rolled some bush tobacco, lit it off the fire. As soon as I finished my smoke, I whipped the pot off the stove, poured a cup and smothered the fire. I checked if there was enough left for Tobe. There was some, he would have to make do—if he wanted more, he could make it himself. It wasn’t like he was a stranger to my home.

I yawned, stretched, cracked my back. The urge came over me to see the stars and breathe the cool night air. I picked up the lantern, headed out to the back veranda, sat at the creaky wooden table Tobe and I had knocked together when we were still young and hopeful.

I strained my eyes to catch a faint glow, hoping to spot Tobe. All I saw was the same shadowy darkness as always: the faint movement of an owl or a bat or some other nocturnal beastie; gnarled branches, their edges cut sharp in the pale light, swaying back and forth; dead leaves blowing into drifts of dry fuel; fallen trees resting in the arms of those still standing. There was no colour to catch the eye.

Our ravaged world was utterly unmoved by the life that trod upon it. It didn’t care that I looked on, didn’t care that I couldn’t look away.

It should come as no surprise that the unexpected tap on my shoulder shocked me stupid. Trying to get out of my chair to confront the bastard, I rammed my knee into the table and started to fall. Strong hands caught me, kept me steady.

‘G’day, Bill,’ said an annoyingly familiar voice.

I spun around and vented my anger.

‘Tobe, what’s wrong with you? I’ve seen some stupid shit, but that takes the cake. Mate, you should know better than to sneak up on someone in the dark… And come to think of it, I’m not over last night yet. I was hoping to get some good sleep, but no, here you go again, showing up in the middle of the night…’

I trailed off as I realised what he was wearing. Gone were his everyday clothes, his stubby shorts and ragged T-shirts. Instead, he was all in black, a one-piece suit that looked hard, like some kind of body armour. He shrugged, with no effort. A black balaclava—rolled up off his face—hid his short hair. Black gloves covered his hands. His rifle hung on his shoulder, pointing into the sky, as if he aimed to shoot the moon. Hanging from it, dangling from a piece of animal skin fashioned into a cord, was a dead rabbit, blood dripping from a hole in its head.

I whistled low.

Red and Blue appeared next to him, surprising me. They hadn’t made a sound. Their tails weren’t wagging; their tongues weren’t lolling. They looked at me with hard, watchful eyes, standing so still they almost didn’t seem to be breathing.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…

His body steady, somehow taut, revealing a side of himself that I had never seen before—this new Tobe scared me. A deliberate and dangerous capacity for anything showed itself in his blank eyes, in his humourless smile.

He dropped a black hiking pack to the ground, and lay the rifle and the dead rabbit on the table. The rabbit seemed to look me in the eye, and I had to turn away.

‘Fuck, mate, these things ride all the way up,’ Tobe said, tugging at his crotch and then sitting down.

Same old Tobe.

‘Dickhead.’

I rolled some bush tobacco, lit up, looked at him again. He was terrifying. Red and Blue seemed to guess that the hunt was over—they ambled my way, tails wagging.

‘Good boy, good girl.’

I gave them a scratch; they lapped it up, but the crash of a startled animal echoed from the bush and they disappeared into the night. Tobe looked back at me, staring into my eyes. He didn’t say anything. Even when the smoke from my bush tobacco drifted into his face, he didn’t look away. My discomfort grew—his silence was too much, I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. So I decided to just ignore whatever had made him play dress-ups in the moonlight.

‘How you going?’ I asked. I stubbed out my bush tobacco, made sure it was truly dead, stuck the butt in my pocket.

‘Yeah, I’m all right,’ Tobe said. ‘There’s no other way to be on a night like this. How about you?’

‘I’m okay. Still a bit hungover, pretty tired too. You know, with it being the middle of the night and all…’ I waved around with all the futility I could muster.

Tobe let it go straight over his head. ‘Did you get the tea on?’ he asked, slumping in his seat and yet somehow still looking tense.

‘Yeah, give me a sec to warm it up.’

I stood. So did Tobe. He followed me smoothly, treading quietly. I caught his reflection in the window; his face was still, apart from his eyes, which slowly swept from left to right and then back again.

‘You sure you’re all right?’

‘Yeah, of course.’

I let him be, kept on into the kitchen, relit the potbelly, and reheated the cold tea. Tobe slowly started to relax, peeling off his gloves and tucking them into a pocket. He propped himself against the bench, made a tiny gulping noise, assumed an exaggerated expression of thirst, and fell to his knees. I poured him some water. He stood back up, drank it in a single hit, and then passed the empty cup back. I filled it again. He drank it in another single hit.

‘Got to get it in you when you can.’

I had no idea what he was talking about. Times might have been tough, but they weren’t that tough. Not for someone like Tobe.

‘Here, wrap yourself around this. Maybe you’ll make a bit more sense.’ I passed him his tea.

‘Cheers,’ he said, taking the cup.

He abruptly turned away and walked back outside. After quickly smothering the fire in the pot-belly, I followed him out, somewhat meekly, reasonably confused.

‘What’s going on?’ I asked, finding him sitting at the table under the back veranda.

No reply. My words hung in the air. The silence stretched on. After a while, Tobe pulled his pouch from his pocket and started rolling some bush tobacco. He lit up with his antique lighter, cracked his knuckles, picked up his cup, and took a long sip of tea.

‘You know, I’ve been thinking that it’s time for a road trip,’ he said, abruptly breaking the silence. ‘It’s been a while—you could do with getting out of town and clearing your head. I’ve even got a few buttons left. We could head out to the middle of nowhere, have ourselves an experience.’

‘Look around, Tobe. We’re already in the middle of nowhere.’

‘Yeah, but you know, it’ll break it up a bit.’

‘Bullshit.’

I drew the word out, splitting it into its separate syllables, taking the piss without a second thought simply because that’s what we do.

‘You know that no matter where you go, it’ll be the same as here,’ I said.

‘Maybe not. Anyway, are you up for it? We should head off soon, while there’s still enough night left to make it worth it.’

‘It’s the middle of the bloody night—what’s the hurry?’

He didn’t answer, wouldn’t look at me, and then drew into himself for a moment.

‘And what’s with this? Expecting trouble, are we?’ I asked, gesturing at what he was wearing.

He sighed deeply, tried to change the subject. ‘Come on, Bill,’ he said. ‘It’ll be like the old days.’

‘No, it won’t. It’ll be you and me tramping through the bush in the dark.’

‘But…’

‘Go find someone else to round out your expedition.’

‘Look, mate…’

‘Don’t.’ I begged him, as much as my dignity would allow, which wasn’t very much. ‘Please don’t.’

‘Bill, I need someone out there with me this time, someone I can trust. And that means you.’

‘You’ve never needed someone before.’ It came out petulantly. That wasn’t how I had planned it, but I guess that’s how I meant it.

‘Yeah, well, sorry,’ he said, looking away, avoiding my eye. It was as sincere an apology as I could hope to get.

‘So why now?’

He didn’t answer.

‘Spit it out.’

He wouldn’t look at me

‘Then piss off.’

He finally answered, though he still wouldn’t look at me. ‘I’ve been thinking about those lights we saw last night, reckon I’ve got a theory. I want to know if I’m right or wrong. And I’ve got this feeling that it might not be safe while I’m gone.’ He finally looked at me. ‘Bill, mate, I can’t let anything happen to you. I just can’t.’

My hand shook, the tea threatening to spill—something serious must have been troubling him for him to come so clean. ‘No bullshit?’

‘No bullshit.’

‘Have you told anyone else?’

‘Yeah, of course I have. I told Lou and Sheldon to keep an eye out, to spread the word.’

I looked him in the eye. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’

His face darkened. ‘Trust me, Bill. I know what I’m doing.’ He smiled sadly. ‘You’re it, mate. You’re the only one who gives a shit. I haven’t got anyone else,’ he said matter-of-factly. I understood that if I said ‘no’ now, he would gladly set off alone through the dark bush, headed in whatever direction his obscure urges had chosen. He stood up, folded his arms over his chest.

‘Are you coming or not?’

He was even more frightening than he had been earlier—a black silhouette cut from the same cloth as the night. I looked over the land, ignored his glare, thought it over. Despite the strange fear that now coursed through me, I was halfway convinced. It had been too many years since I had been out of town, too many months since I’ve even crossed the empty river that marked its western edge.

‘Well?’

What choice did I have? What else is a mate supposed to do? He’d had my back enough times and I was flattered to be in a position to repay the favour. I made up my mind, knowing that I would regret it.

‘Right then, where do I sign up?’

He didn’t laugh as he got to his feet. ‘I already dug out your kit, just in case. I reckon if you go find something to wear that’s a little more appropriate…’ He waved at his black body armour.

‘Expecting trouble, are we?’ I asked again.

He ignored my question, ignored my interruption, kept on. ‘…while I’ll knock on the head whatever chores you didn’t do today.’ He looked down at me, sanctimonious, smug.

‘Dickhead,’ I said, walking away.

Tobe laughed. ‘Don’t forget your gun.’

I carried the lantern from room to room, searching through boxes of junk, rummaging through the detritus of my family’s history. I found some clothes that were more suitable—old, threadbare jeans that were too long; a stiff shirt that was too big as well—an all-black, dead-man’s outfit. The material was dry, hard. I paced around, trying to guess who the clothes had belonged to. My great-grandfather, maybe—the clothes were so big, and my folks always used to say that he was built like a brick shithouse.

I stretched my shoulders, windmilling my arms. Stalking around the house, dressed in what might as well have been a stranger’s clothes, I was starting to get excited. Maybe this time Tobe’s mad flight of fancy might actually break the day-to-day.

There was no sign of him anywhere.

I went back to the kitchen, made some more billy tea, something to pep us up for the long night ahead. Of course, I had only just settled down to enjoy it when the back door banged open, hitting the wall behind it.

‘Do I smell what I think I smell?’ Tobe asked, catching the door before it swung back and smacked him in the face. He stepped inside, smiling wide. ‘There enough left for me?’

I sighed, got out of my chair, poured a second cup. We touched them together, drained them dry.

‘Okay, where’s my backpack?’ I asked, eager to get going before I came to my senses and changed my mind.

‘Out under the veranda.’

‘You pack enough water?’

‘About ten litres each, enough to see us through until we find some more. Or give up and turn back. Or get into trouble and die of thirst.’

I shot him a sour look.

‘Okay, okay.’

I smiled with satisfaction, walked away. ‘Can you get my gun and all that while I check my stuff?’ I yelled over my shoulder.

I unzipped my pack. Inside I found a pair of animal-skin shorts, a floppy hat, a dun-coloured shirt that was full of holes. A couple of tarps, folded tight. An extremely primitive first-aid kit. An ancient pair of barely working binoculars. A tin pan for cooking or boiling water or collecting whatever might need collecting. A pouch of bush tobacco, a tinderbox. A hammer and some rusty rails. Three oversized canteens, a couple of undersized canteens. Salted roo, dried berries, shrivelled figs, all wrapped in possum skin. Strapped to the side were two more oversized canteens.

‘Tobe? I’m done.’

No reply. I turned back, couldn’t find him in the house, walked outside, couldn’t see him there, walked back inside, found him in the kitchen. He was climbing out of the cellar, a guilty smile on his face. He looked at me, not caring, dragging a small wooden box with him—chocolates that had been stashed in the dark for so very long, saved for a special occasion.

‘You’re pushing it… Did you bring anything to trade? You know, anything that’s actually yours?’

‘Uh, yeah—a bit of bush tobacco, some wild weed, my know-how, your charm… And these.’

He smiled again, shaking the wooden box, the old chocolates rattling like weathered bones in a gale. I gave up. If we did run into trouble, such a precious prize might be the only way out.

‘All right, then. Have it your way.’

He smiled smugly as he stuffed the chocolates into his pack. He heaved it on his back, tossed me a box of ammunition and passed me my rifle. It was a relic, its wooden stock cracked and split. I loaded it, tucked the leftover bullets in my pack, and hoisted the whole lot on my back; almost collapsing under its weight.

It hit me how long it had been since I had done this.

‘You okay?’ Tobe asked, trying not to smirk.

‘Yeah, I’m all right.’

I managed to balance myself. We walked out to the back veranda; I blew out the lantern while Tobe shouldered his rifle. The dead rabbit was nowhere to be seen—I guessed that Red and Blue had helped themselves to a midnight snack. We trudged past the veggie patch. Stopping at her grave, I whispered a goodbye.

Tobe smiled sadly, but didn’t say anything. He knew better.

I left him to say his own goodbye, knowing that his burden couldn’t be shared. I had a last look around the house, came back to find him double-checking his gun.

I double-checked mine, with a lot less grace.

‘Red! Blue! Come on!’ he yelled abruptly.

We waited. They eventually showed, bounding out of the dark bush, running across the moonlit paddock. They met us under the veranda, drank from a dog bowl I hadn’t seen Tobe leave out. They gulped at the water thirstily, finishing it off. They knew how it went.

‘After you,’ Tobe said.

‘No, after you, I insist. I’ve no idea where we’re going.’

He didn’t laugh.

FIVE

We tramped across the dying grass, took the long dirt road that led to town. The heavy tug of my pack slowly eased to a minor annoyance. We clambered over fallen branches and around felled trees, carefully, and in no hurry. Every scratch could be a problem, sometimes a fatal one. Red and Blue trotted ahead, staying in sight like the good dogs they were. The trees we could see clutched at the sky, their jagged branches reaching into the gloom. Dust blew in dirty clouds; the bush litter underfoot trembled in the soft winds. Empty paddocks surrounded us; they were all the same, frozen tableaus glowing silver-grey.

We kept on, the dirt road seemingly stretching to the horizon.

Neither of us spoke; breathing steadily, shaking out tired muscles and old aches, we settled in for a long night. The rhythm of our feet slapping on baked earth, the beating of our hearts, the wheezing of our lungs—they were the ticking of our clock. A fugue state happens when you spend enough time walking the land. It doesn’t matter whether you’re following the dark line of a highway or winding down a dirt road or beating a track through the bush. Your mind empties, your body runs on automatic and time loses all meaning, its only marker the great arc of the sun or the moon. Ever onward, you keep a steady pace, disconnected from the strained mechanics of your body, thirst and weariness only muted sensations. Putting one foot in front of the other, feeling like you could do it forever—that becomes your whole world.

We eventually hit the highway into town, the dirt road ending at a shadowy T-intersection. We came to a halt. Well, not really we; I was so lost in my trance that I didn’t notice Tobe stop in front of me.

I crashed into him.

‘Watch it,’ he said, turning to face me.

One of the dogs barked, I couldn’t tell which. They ran back, looked at us with puzzled eyes.

‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ I said.

Tobe took a torch from his belt and flicked it on. A wan beam barely illuminated the blacktop. He cranked a handle on the torch; the beam grew brighter. Ancient gums hugged the roadside. Enormous, monstrous, long dead; they were barely shadows of their former selves.

‘Here,’ Tobe said, tossing me the torch.

I caught it clumsily, almost dropping it.

‘Dickhead.’

I smiled, guilty as charged. Tobe unclipped a second torch from his pack. This time, the highway shone. He looked west. The bloated full moon easily broke through the skeletal canopy.

‘Which way?’ I asked.

‘Where else did they go, in those stupid stories we loved when we were kids? All those cowboys and frontiersmen…’

I blanked in front of him.

‘Go west, young man.’

I groaned.

We followed the highway, Red and Blue once again taking the lead. It was empty, apart from the occasional wrecks that had rusted into hulks. We weaved around those abandoned monuments and accidental memorials, passing a weather- beaten sign full of bullet holes, the letters faded, illegible.

I remember when it used to say ‘Welcome to Newstead’.

The dead trees slowly thinned out. Tobe killed his torch as we hit the first signs of so-called civilisation, motioned for me to keep cranking mine, held his finger to his lips in an exaggerated gesture. I took the hint, keeping my trap shut as we passed through the heart of town. Every building was dark, even the ones I knew were still occupied. No candles or lanterns flickered within. In the moonlight, everything was less threatening, less bleak. The shut-up shops, the derelict houses, the potholed streets, the withered trees, the bare-dirt lawns—they all lost some of their horror, assuming a grand, tired dignity instead. It felt like home, a home I loved, a home I had always known, unchanging and forever. I drank it in, Tobe’s earlier warning and the threat of danger forgotten in the face of such beaten beauty.

I couldn’t stop smiling.

The broken buildings creaked softly, relaxing in the relative cool of the night. Their faint murmur joined the rustling of the few leaves still clinging to the dying trees, barely audible but always there. We kept walking. I felt eyes on me as we passed the ruined primary school, knew that some First Country folk would be watching us.

Every other house in town was falling down or had already fallen down or was moments away from doing so. And still they were left alone; everyone knew who had once lived in them, who had given up, who had trekked to the camp in the hope of making a new life above the line. Sure, anything useful had been salvaged. But nothing personal had been touched, nothing that once lived in the hearts of our former townsfolk, no matter what it might fetch in trade.

This was something that we had all agreed upon.

We passed them by. Soon, we saw a light flickering within the pub, faint through the heavy windows. I thought about stopping, just for a minute, to say g’day to Louise. Halfway through reaching out to tap Tobe on the shoulder—to tempt him with the idea of a smoke and a shot—I sized up his stride and thought better of it.

The pub disappeared behind us. We finally hit the empty Loddon River. The highway came to a stop, a flimsy rope bridge taking its place. The riverbed was filled with rubble; all that remained of the real bridge that had once soared across it. We had destroyed it ourselves, a long time ago, to cut the town off from the world. I gawped at it. Red and Blue disappeared down the steep bank, darted over the rubble, ran up the opposite bank, as surefooted as mountain goats. They howled happily. Tobe stepped onto the rope bridge, strode across, as surefooted as his dogs. I grabbed hold of the whipcord rails, took a step, floated across, too terrified to look down.

I hit the highway on the far side, almost fell to my knees. Tobe ignored me.

_________

We soon hit the Avenue of Honour, the western edge of town. Tobe shook his muscles out, took his possum skin pouch from his pocket, rolled some bush tobacco, lit up. He held the pouch aloft, offering me one. I held up the torch I was still cranking and shot him a dirty look.

‘Yeah, you can probably give it a rest. How’s she look?’

‘How should I know?’

‘Pass it over.’

I did so. He flicked it on, shone it around. Dead oaks and elms lined the highway. The beam from my torch was strong, lighting them up in all their ravaged glory.

‘That’s how you tell whether she’s working or not,’ Tobe said.

He tossed the torch back; as clumsy as always, I almost dropped it again.

‘Tuck it away,’ he said. ‘We won’t need it for a while.’

I stashed the torch in my pocket, took out my own pouch, slowed to a stop. I shrugged off my pack, dropped it to the ground, followed it down, parked my arse. Tobe stared at me and said something under his breath.

‘Look, I want a fiver. Time for a piss and a smoke.’

Tobe’s smile burnt white in the night. ‘No worries.’He joined me on the blacktop; Red and Blue followed, lying flat out. They looked tired, but I knew they were playing possum. Tobe and I took out canteens and drank deep. I let myself unfold, fell onto my back, lay there looking at the stars. Tobe poured a drink for the dogs and then squatted on his haunches. Neither of us spoke, we just listened to the faraway wind. For a moment, life was beautiful.

And then my base needs took over.

I ground out my bush tobacco, pocketed the butt, stood up, walked far enough from Tobe to maintain my decorum. I did my thing against a tree, helping it along.

‘So, where exactly are we going?’ I asked, zipping back up.

Tobe didn’t look at me. He pulled on his pack, called Red and Blue to him, started walking. ‘I already told you—we’re heading west.’ He kept walking.

‘Hey, hang on…’

‘We head west until we stop.’

He didn’t look back.

I quickly strapped on my pack and hurried after him. I was over his shit, but that wasn’t new—I had been putting up with it for years, I knew that some things never change. We walked on, the dead trees stopping dead, revealing thick and shadowy bush to the north, more empty paddocks to the south.

‘I’ve got an itch I can’t scratch,’ Tobe said. ‘So we’ll keep on until it’s gone. Whatever happened last night—whatever the fuck that was—came from somewhere out west. There’s not much out that way. Once you get past the Borough, there’s nothing but paddocks and bush until the Pyrenees. Whatever happened…’

‘You want to go fossicking around the mountains?’ I asked, butting in.

There was nothing secretive about the Pyrenees; they were just somewhere we used to go for a break, where we could laze around and forget the day-to-day. We would spend days looking over the sunburnt country from the top of its cliffs, or foraging for food in its canyons, or searching for water in its caves, happy to get away from the everyday.

‘If you’ll let me finish,’ Tobe said, ‘I reckon we need to go further. Maybe try for Ararat or Stawell, maybe even Horsham. Whatever it was probably came from somewhere around there. It had to happen in a town—it was a hell of a show if it happened out in someone’s back paddock.’

All up, Tobe was talking about a ten or twelve-day hike, to the ruins of big towns. There was always the potential for trouble in places like that, always a chance of running into some Creeps. My feet, my legs, my back, they groaned. Ten days! Maybe twelve! You’ve got to be kidding me…

‘That’s a bloody long way. Who’ll look after the joint while I’m gone?’

No reply.

‘Do we even have enough supplies to make it that far?’

Tobe stopped walking, turned to look at me. In the bright moonlight his face was calm. ‘Man up, Bill. Man up or go home.’

I said nothing.

‘Look, you know I need you out here. I need you watching my back. But it has to be your choice, mate. I won’t beg. No fucking way. So you either grow a pair and maybe we’ll find out what happened last night, or you run along home and get yourself to bed.

I thought it over. I was tempted… ‘Okay, you win,’ I said. We were mates through and through, even though I sometimes hated him.

‘Good man.’ He laughed. ‘And before I forget—I made a deal with Lou before we left. She’ll check on your patch, make sure everything’s ticketty-boo. She’ll even lay a flower, if one happens to bloom.’

I didn’t let on how grateful I was. ‘What’s the trade-off?’

‘I told her I’d convert that heap of hers to solar. You know—that piece of shit Holden out the back of the pub. Then she can hightail it north if she decides to go, hopefully outrun any Creeps on the way.’

‘Can you really get it back on the road?’

‘Maybe, probably, don’t really know. Won’t know till I try.’ He smiled at me, so confident and cocksure. ‘Fair enough.’

We kept on down the highway, following a crooked finger pointing west, a grey line that separated the thick bush from the empty paddocks. We walked on, an easy pace that still got the job done, the echo of our feet slapping on the road the only thing we left behind. In the moonlight and the starlight, the land became hazy, the dead and dying trees warping, melting into each other, always changing, always the same, paying us no attention, oblivious to our hike.

The world turned. We slowly crawled across it.

Growing in the distance was another rope bridge stretching out over another dried-up river. The bush to the north stopped suddenly, branches hanging over another riverbed filled with rubble. The rope bridge cut through a craggy earthen ridge running parallel with the river, and then met the highway, which curved away behind the ridge. I stopped, turned to say something, realised that Tobe wasn’t there. I spun on my heel, almost tripped in the tangle of my legs. Despite my embarrassment, I couldn’t help smile. I looked back. Tobe stood maybe ten metres behind me, staring over my shoulder at something I couldn’t see. He wasn’t smiling.

Well, with the balaclava rolled down over his face, I don’t think he was smiling—the terrifying Tobe that I had only just come to know was back.

‘What’s up?’ I shouted, hurrying back.

My voice was loud, too loud. Tobe swore under his breath. He shook his rifle free, adjusted a dial on its sight. He held it to his shoulder, swept it back and forth, scanning the ridge.

He lowered the gun with a grunt. ‘Wait here,’ he said, ‘and don’t move and don’t say anything and please, for fuck’s sake, don’t come running.’

He dropped his pack, slung his rifle on his shoulder, ran full bore into the paddock to the south with Red and Blue at his heels. As easy as dying of thirst, the three of them clambered down the steep bank of the empty river and disappeared from view. I dropped my own pack, sprawled out on the blacktop, had a long drink of water, rolled some bush tobacco, found my tinderbox, struck a flame.

I smoked in the dark, eyes on the far side of the river.

I waited a long time, ended up digging a tiny grave for the pile of butts that grew beside me. And then something moved at the bottom of the ridge. Tobe, Red, and Blue were hurrying up the cracked earth, almost running. I pulled my barely working binoculars from my pack, had a look. Thanks to my cracked glasses and the age of the binoculars, there was nothing but fuzz.

I turned a rusty lens wheel, begging it to work.

Tobe appeared in sharp relief, planted flat at the top of the ridge, rifle poking over the edge. He swept it back and forth, slithered over the ridge and disappeared again, Red and Blue once again following him.

I gave up, confused, completely out of my depth. I drank some more water, drained a canteen. I tried not to worry about it. When there are still long days ahead, it’s best to trust that the world will provide. Who knows what you’ll find? I tried to believe the words I said and ignore my doubting inner pest.

I lay down on the road, my pack beneath my head. I stared at the moon, at its crumpled face. I tried to get comfy.

My pack made a terrible pillow.

SIX

The thunderous crack of a gunshot was so sudden that at first I thought I had imagined it—the empty night does strange things to people. But then another boom echoed through the sky. I jumped to my feet, tucked my rifle into the crook of my shoulder and turned in quick circles, my finger on the trigger. I turned a half-dozen times, abruptly stopped. I was dizzy; it took a while to steady myself. I discovered that I was facing the rope bridge. On the far side stood Tobe. He had his back to me and was bent in half, his pants around its ankles, his arse bared to the world.

I was tempted to let off a shot, to put one where the sun doesn’t shine.

Tobe pulled up his pants and turned to face me. I didn’t need to see his smile to know it was there. He laughed, loud enough that it carried over the rope bridge. I shouldered my gun, told him to do something unmentionable to himself.

‘Come on, Bill. What are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas?’

I stared at him, once again temped to pack it in and head home. Valour eventually got the better of me; I strapped on my pack, picked up Tobe’s, hurried along in my own lumbering way.

I threw Tobe’s pack at his feet. He peeled the balaclava off his face.

‘What kind of thanks is that?’ he asked.

‘Sorry?’

‘For checking that the way was safe. And for getting some dinner.’

‘Huh?’

‘What, are you deaf as well as stupid?’

I ignored him. We walked on, following the highway as it curved away and disappeared behind the ridge. Earthen walls towered above us, hugging the roadside.

‘Get ready,’ Tobe said as the highway straightened out.

I had forgotten about it—I had played it too safe, spent too much time just making sure that my patch hung on.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…’

The Maloort Plain lay in front of us, a spread of burnt paddocks stretching as far as we could see. To the north, to the south, to the west, nothing but ash and ruin. The highway rocketed through the centre of it, a silver ribbon cutting through the great emptiness. Nothing broke the flat, dead plains; they soaked up the moonlight, gave nothing back.

‘Look on my works, ye mighty…’

It overwhelmed us—it was impossible to know where the earth ended and the sky began. We took slow steps, transfixed. Red and Blue appeared as pale shadows, stalking across the coal-black paddocks. The sprawl of burnt grass fooled me into thinking that the plains were completely flat, completely empty. When I looked again, I saw an occasional something break the illusion—a reef of rock pushing out of the ground, another earthen ridge tracing another empty river, the blackened foundations of a shack that fell to the fire, tree stumps cracked and split. Wrecked vehicles sometimes blocked the road ahead; they were burnt out as well, long ago caught in firestorms they couldn’t outrun, tombs for those who died in futile attempts at escape.

_________

We had been walking a while—I’m not sure how long—when Tobe dropped his pack without warning and veered off into the great empty land to the south. The land consumed him; only seconds later, he had disappeared completely. I stopped walking, grateful for a break—the usual stiff joints and aching muscles of a long hike were already settling in. I looked around. There was nothing different about that particular stretch of land. The highway, the scorched earth, the sky—they had been the same for miles.

‘Tobe!’ I shouted.

No reply. I shouted again. This time, Red and Blue heard me. They ran to me, sniffed at me, their tails wagging. They slobbered, gave me a friendly lick, and then lay down on the blacktop, panting, staring at the land that had swallowed Tobe whole. I dropped my pack, shuffled it behind me, leaned back, and had a long drink. Red looked at me, the saddest expression on her face. I straightened up, pulled my pack toward me. You can’t let a thirsty animal stay that way.

Something wet and sticky met my fingers.

‘What?’

I already knew the answer, the red blood was bright in the moonlight. I jumped to my feet, saw a trail of it leading from the cracked blacktop to the cindered grass. I followed it.

I couldn’t see anything; the land ahead of me was as black as the bottom of a mine.

‘Tobe?’

No answer. I raised my rifle, cocked it, flicked off the safety. ‘Now isn’t the time to mess with me!’

Nothing. Sudden panic. I started sweating, the sour sweat of fear. I felt like a little boy alone in the dark.

‘Last time.’ I turned left, turned right, saw nothing. I fired a shot into the sky. ‘Okay then.’

I stepped forward. Tobe immediately rose up in front of me, pushing himself off his belly and onto his feet in one fluid move. I could see flecks of burnt grass sticking to his shirt from where he had been lying in wait. He reached out faster than I could really see, faster than my surprised panic, pushing down on my rifle until it pointed at the ground.

Another shot rang out. I hadn’t even realised I had squeezed the trigger. Tobe didn’t flinch.

‘Keep your pants on, Bill,’ he said. And then he laughed.

He turned away and reached behind him, picking up a shapeless mass. It was the size of a child on the cusp of becoming an adult. It dripped with blood. It seemed to be forever folding in on itself, as if some essential part that helped it keep its form had been snatched away.

Tobe rearranged his double-fisted grip, to stop it spilling from his hands. ‘Here, catch.’

He threw it to me, threw it at me. I took a hasty step back, almost tripping on my feet. It hit my chest with a dull, wet thud, almost knocking me down. It fell to the ground. I righted myself, looked at it properly, trying to work out what it was, what it had been.

Excited by the copper-stink of blood, Red and Blue ran over.

‘Get out of it!’ Tobe roared.

They backed off, but didn’t stop staring at the raw-meat thing. Tobe reached into the sodden mess, pulling bits of it one way and then the other, moving on, repeating the process. The thing slowly assumed a shape under Tobe’s nimble fingers. The powerful V of back legs made for jumping rather than running, the tapering whipcord of a muscular tail, forelegs outstretched and grasping.

Tobe finished with a flourish. Something unspeakable flopped onto the thing’s broad chest. Pale eyes glared at me. Below jaws that hung open in a frozen scream, there was only a bloody ruin, most of its neck reduced to a haze of ruined meat.

‘Poor bastard,’ I said.

‘Yeah, I guess I’m getting rusty,’ Tobe said. ‘I meant to put one in its eye, not in its neck. I didn’t want it to stagger out here to die—I wanted it to be quick.’

I couldn’t speak.

‘You hungry yet?’ Tobe asked.

My stomach rolled; I tasted bile in the back of my throat. When the time came, I knew that I would eat. Happily, too. But right then? Looking at the roo’s matted fur, at its limp body, looking anywhere but in its dull, accusing eyes, I decided to pass.

The things we had to do sometimes disgusted me.

‘Suit yourself.’

Tobe pulled a knife from his boot. Without hesitation, he gutted and skinned the roo. Its organs and head went onto the blacktop, food for the scavengers, a snack for the dogs. Tobe carried its hide down the highway, came back with a long length of metal that curved inward at both ends. The wrenched-off bumper of a wreck, I guessed. Tobe dropped the bumper next to the roo, pulled a bail of twine from his pocket, and started threading it around the bumper and roo’s back legs. I would have offered to help, but he looked like he knew what he was doing. Besides, I was feeling a little sick, the smell of dead animal steadily growing stronger.

I rolled some bush tobacco to help cover the smell, rolled some for Tobe as well, struck a tiny fire, lit them both, and passed one over.

‘Cheers.’

He took it with a hand covered in gore, and kept threading the twine. The bush tobacco hung from the corner of his mouth, smoke drifting into his eyes. I wondered how he could see anything.

He started coughing, tears running down his cheeks. He wiped them away, leaving streaks of blood behind. He ground out his bush tobacco, tucking the butt in his pocket. I didn’t really see the point, considering where we were. But old dogs and all that.

Tobe stood up, bracing one foot on the road, the other on the bumper. He grabbed hold of the roo’s forelegs and pulled hard. The bumper shifted slightly, the twine held. Satisfied, he turned to me and smiled.

‘Shall we?’

My stomach rolled again.

I slung my pack on my back, deciding to get it over and done with. I shouldered my rifle, ground out my bush tobacco, flicked it away, and didn’t care in the slightest. Tobe frowned at me as he retrieved his rifle and his pack. He squatted down at one end of the bumper. On the count of three, we lifted it high, settling the ends on our shoulders. The skinned roo hung between us, swaying lazily on the end of the twine. A torrent of blood erupted from its neck, slowly trailing off to a trickle.

‘You okay?’ Tobe asked.

The weight of the bumper and the roo settled. It didn’t seem too much to bear.

‘No worries.’

We moved awkwardly at first—I took it easy, Tobe strained at the bit. The need to walk faster—to be done with the road—was evident in his tight smile. We finally settled on a step that suited us both; I picked up my pace, Tobe slowed a little. The highway unrolled beneath us and the plains stayed the same, the burnt-out black of them featureless and flat. Occasionally, another burnt-out wreck appeared ahead. Something about the first one we approached caught my eye; as we drew closer, I saw the dead roo’s hide stretched across the bonnet. The wreck’s bumper was missing, and I looked at what I was carrying and couldn’t help but smile. We skirted around the wreck, once again choosing not to look inside.

Like all the others, it shrank into a shadowy nothing as our wandering resumed.

The highway showed us where we needed to go, all we had to do was put one foot in front of the other. The weight we carried, our ever-present thirst, the stink of raw meat, none of it mattered. The thud of our feet beat an unending tattoo. It went this way for hours.

That world of monotony and shadow seemed to smooth Tobe’s hard edge—a number of times I caught him smiling to himself, staring into the distance, lost somewhere far away.

Easy conversation began; reminiscences and shared memories, every other sentence starting with ‘Do you remember?’ or ‘Were you there when?’ or some such, most of the meaning unspoken, an old-mate code. After a time, we moved into speculation about what we might find when we were done, our cries of ‘I reckon…’ and ‘Bet your arse’ echoing through the night. We walked on and on, nothing seemed to change. It was a good walk—we were bedraggled brothers-in-arms, a beautifully familiar thing. It comforted me, dulling my nagging questions about Tobe’s latest weirdness.

We sometimes fell into silence, awed by the enormous, featureless land that surrounded us—it called out to us, daring us to stride into its maw.

At some point, I saw that the sky was growing brighter, the first trace of dawn rolling in. I knew it was only a tease, that the real thing was still a while away, that the moon hadn’t yet thrown in the towel. We kept on. The light steadily grew brighter, a glowing mix of pale oranges and pinks. The rising sun at our backs cast our shadows ahead of us. Sweat started to drip off me. The dead roo grew riper, attracting the first flies of the day. I waved them away as best I could. Tobe did the same.

It was a futile exercise.

Without missing a beat or dropping his end of the bumper, Tobe somehow rolled some bush tobacco, pulled out his Zippo, and lit up. He perched it in the crook of the roo’s leg and let it smoulder, grey smoke shrouding the carcass, sending some of the flies away.

I decided that I had had enough, and called a break.

We stopped, dropping the bumper and the roo on the blacktop. I didn’t care that we were in the middle of the highway, that there wasn’t any shade, that there wasn’t even a nearby wreck to cast a shadow for us to rest in. I needed a sit down and a smoke. Tobe turned to me, a look both sympathetic and scornful on his face. I didn’t care. The sun still hadn’t shown itself, but that hadn’t stopped the heat from building. I guzzled the last of a canteen. I lay down, shuffled my pack under my head. Tobe just watched me, saying nothing. After a moment, he loudly and deliberately stomped away to take a piss.

I lay there, the empty sky watching and mocking me. The sunlight grew brighter still, forcing me to close my eyes.

SEVEN

I’m drowning in sadness, sorrow and fear. It’s the air that I breathe, the building blocks of the world.

I realise where I am and start screaming.

Tobe and I, bare moments from the loss of innocence, stand outside the barn, bathed in moonlight. I hold a lantern aloft. I usher him in. We walk through the heavy wooden doors and are struck dumb, horrified. Somehow, we get it together and gather the tools we need. I watch myself from afar, unable to look away, grotesquely transfixed by the knowledge of what’s to come.

We start to cut them down.

I’m crying. So is Tobe. And then a voice screams. It’s her voice, wailing, unhinged. It disappears suddenly. Tobe follows it into the night. I chase after them. I catch up to Tobe, tackle him to the ground. He beats me down, keeps running. He cries out, calling her name. I can’t catch up. I fall behind, staggering around, lost in the dark.

And then a light broke the night, a light that wasn’t there back when it all happened. It grew rapidly, washing out memories best forgotten. I struggled, kicked against my terror. The brilliant glow burnt brighter, burnt everything away.

I reached out blindly, and came to a dead stop as something pushed against my throat.

‘Bill, mate, take it easy, all right?’ Tobe said, his voice soft.

I opened my eyes. Whatever was at my throat increased its pressure.

‘If I were you, I’d stay right there.’

He was a black silhouette, the sun casting him in a halo of golden light. I looked to my left. A young girl squatted next to me—filthy, wretched, hair dreadlocked with dirt, skin burnt dark-brown and grey with ash, dressed in literal rags. It was impossible to tell how old she was. Young, I guessed, considering her small frame, considering the coltish curve of her arms and legs.

‘What did I miss?’ I asked.

The pressure at my throat increased again as the girl twisted a broken branch she held in front of her. I couldn’t help notice that a flat stone about eight inches long was bound to one end of the branch and was poking through my beard, scraping against my skin.

‘Tobe!’ I called in a voice that shook.

The girl dragged the stone harder against my throat. I felt blood dribble down my chest, though I hadn’t felt the cut. The stone must have been sharp enough to shave baby fuzz.

‘Now, why would you want to do something like that?’

I kept as still as I could, didn’t even move when a couple of flies started crawling on my face. Tobe shifted slightly, revealing himself. He had his rifle against his shoulder, the end of the barrel disappearing into the girl’s filthy hair. I wondered how long I had been asleep, how long the two of them had been locked in their standoff. Red and Blue lay behind Tobe, whining pitifully. The girl’s eyes flicked to them, flicked back to me. Apart from that she hadn’t moved yet, she might as well have been carved from stone.

Tobe shook a cramp from his leg, but didn’t turn away. Stiff with shock, I just lay there.

What else could I do?

‘You know that if he gets hurt, you get hurt,’ Tobe said to the girl.

No reply. I looked at him, then over at her. A tickle started to build in my throat, my mouth as dry as the earth around me. I had no idea how long I had been lying asleep and roasting in the heat, but I felt like I could crumble away to dust.

‘Water,’ I croaked, unable to help myself.

The stone drew another dribble of blood. Tobe twisted the barrel into the girl’s hair. She didn’t seem to notice.

‘For fuck’s sake, give me some water or kill me now.’

Tobe unexpectedly lowered his rifle, slung it over his shoulder, turned away, started rooting through his pack. The girl kept staring at me, seemingly unaware that she no longer had a gun to her head.

‘You beauty.’

Tobe turned back, a full canteen in each hand, a smile on his face. He opened one of the canteens, started drinking. He did it with great fanfare, slurping at the water, sloshing it around in his mouth, sucking it through his teeth. He tipped his head back, opened his mouth wide, gargled loudly, spat the whole lot out. The girl’s eyes flicked away again, settled back on mine. Tobe sighed and threw the open canteen into the air. It landed next to the girl; her eyes flicked away a third time, fixed on the canteen. Water dribbled out, cutting a tiny muddy path through the dust. More quickly than I thought possible, she dropped the branch, scooped up the canteen, and sucked at it greedily.

I came back to life and kicked the branch away, surprising myself. I shuffled out of her reach, scrambled to my feet, found my rifle, flicked the safety off, took aim.

‘Bill, hold on a sec.’

I looked at the girl. She drank and drank, oblivious to everything else. She finished the canteen, looked up at us, her eyes sad and hollow. Please, they seemed to say, may I have some more?

‘Good man,’ Tobe said as I lowered my rifle.

And then he threw the other canteen to her. As she fumbled to catch it, he walked over and punched her in the face. Even though he was holding back, she toppled like a felled tree.

‘Now what do we do?’

_________

We ummed and aaahed a bit, that’s what we did. While we worked out our next move, I drank enough water to cramp my stomach and then stripped down so I could change into something more suited to the heat. Tobe snickered as I undressed. I ignored him, pulling a pair of shorts, a floppy hat, and a dun-coloured shirt from my pack.

‘Are you done?’

I didn’t answer as I finished getting dressed. The girl had barely moved, a pitiful sight. I was all in favour of leaving a couple of our canteens with her and getting back on the road. She looked like a survivor, it was doubtful that she needed our help.

‘And besides,’ I said, ‘she’s dangerous.’

Tobe snorted. ‘Pull the other one, mate. She was scared, Bill. And no wonder. By the looks of her, we’re probably the first people she’s seen in ages. Poor girl.’

I knew it wasn’t right, whatever had happened to her. But I was still shaken.

‘We could take her with us,’ Tobe suggested.

If my mouth hadn’t been so dry, I would have spat at his feet. ‘Are you going to carry her? We’re already pretty weighed down…’

Tobe shuffled his feet, shrugged his shoulders. ‘We can’t just leave her here.’

‘She seemed to be doing fine until you punched her in the face.’

His face reddened. ‘Fuck you.’

Tobe squatted next to the girl, reached out and brushed her lank hair from her face. He shook her by the shoulder and pinched the soft skin on the inside of her elbow. She didn’t move.

‘She’s coming with us.’

‘But…’

‘Bill, mate, how do you live with yourself?’

Tobe’s words rained down hard. I shut up, horribly ashamed.

‘Okay, here’s what we’ll do…’

He took a rag from his pocket and started to bind the girl’s hands. He took out his twine and tied her ruined shoes together. I marvelled at his care. He gestured at me, asking for help. I shuffled the bumper along until it lay next to the girl; Tobe manhandled the roo until it too lay flush with the bumper. Red and Blue slinked up, sniffed at the roo, tried to take a bite. Tobe roared at them; they ignored him and tried again. He roared some more. This time they obeyed.

He threw a second ball of twine to me, told me to tie the roo’s front legs in the same way that he had tied its back legs. While I worked, he started lashing the girl’s wrists and ankles to the shining metal.

Red and Blue sat behind him, sniffing the blood in the air.

Time passed, the sun grew higher, the world grew hotter, and then we were done. The girl and the roo lay side by side, the length of the bumper between them. Tobe shuffled over to me, checked my knots, and grunted in satisfaction.

‘You ready?’

I nodded, pulled on my pack, slung my rifle over my shoulder. We squatted, Tobe with his back to me. The metal of the bumper was red hot, reflecting the sunlight.

‘One, two, three.’

We lifted. Something popped in my back. I ignored it. The bumper started to sag in the middle, bending slightly. The twine held. The girl didn’t move.

‘You right back there?’ Tobe yelled.

I grunted. It was an awkward load to carry; the combined weight of the girl, the roo, and the bumper refused to settle.

‘Come on!’ Tobe shouted.

Red and Blue stood up, their tails wagging.

‘And again. One, two, three.’

We took a few hesitant steps and slowly found a rhythm. Red and Blue trotted with us, walking directly under the roo, looking up at it expectantly. The tick-tick-tick of their claws on the blacktop kept a steady beat. I bowed my head, kept on, and watched the dusty highway unfold beneath my feet. It took everything I had to shoulder my share of our burden. Occasionally, one of Tobe’s disparaging comments would float over his shoulder, ‘weak’ or ‘soft’ or ‘whinger’. Every few hundred yards, I would groan or curse the heat. I didn’t look up to see how Tobe was coping, but I could guess—his cheerful whistle gave fair indication. I cursed under my breath, hoping that the end was near, both literally and metaphorically, struggling to keep it together.

Somehow, I tramped on.

And then Tobe threw a particularly vicious insult at me, something grossly obscene, the straw that cracked my back.

I raised my head, trying to think of something equally vicious to say in return. An unlikely scene greeted me—the dead roo was crawling with flies; the girl was curved into a U, her head thrown back; the bumper was twisted, sagging in the middle, blinding to look at. It was too much, too strange—I started laughing hysterically. It kept coming, louder and louder. I couldn’t stop. And then Tobe was laughing with me, our grim march the funniest thing in the world.

We kept laughing, somehow kept walking. And then the girl opened her eyes.

‘Hold on,’ I yelled, stopping, almost pulling Tobe off his feet.

He steadied himself, kept hold of the bumper, didn’t bother turning to look at me. ‘What?’

‘Uh, the girl, she’s woken up.’

‘So?’

‘Should we do something?’

‘Like what? I’m not cutting her down and taking the chance that she’ll either run off or have another go.’

The girl hadn’t said anything, hadn’t even made a sound. She stared at me, barely blinking despite the fierce light.

‘Sorry,’ I whispered.

No reply.

‘Come on,’ Tobe said, ‘we’re almost there.’

In my walking-dead daze, I had somehow managed to forget about the burnt-out plains. They were the same as they had always been, though the heat coming off them now was staggering. Just another day in our great brown land, made worse by the vast emptiness that stretched in every direction. It soaked up the sun and shimmered with haze, superheating the air around it.

I felt hotter and thirstier. I looked back at the girl. ‘Sorry.’

Still no reply. I looked away, unable to handle her baleful glare.

Slowly, I began to understand what Tobe had meant by ‘almost there’. Something was growing in the distance, a grey smear on the horizon. I wondered if it was blurry because of my eyesight or because of the distance.

‘See what I mean?’

‘No worries.’

A renewed energy flowed through me. To be done, finally done.

‘What are we waiting for?’ I asked.

‘And on three…’

I looked back at the girl and shrugged pathetically. She rolled her eyes. It was almost unbelievable.

‘One, two, three.’

_________

We walked on, somehow picking up our pace. I expected the girl to wriggle or fight against us, but she didn’t. If anything, she looked bored.

‘What is it?’ I asked Tobe, the smear on the horizon slowly becoming more defined.

He didn’t answer, and he seemed to lack the astonishment I was feeling. In fact, he seemed as bored as the girl.

‘You smug bastard, don’t leave me hanging.’

‘It’s just the Borough, that’s all, nothing special. And there’s no need to get nasty.’

I decided not to play his game. We kept on. The smear steadily filled the land to the west, the highway heading straight into the middle of it.

‘Fuck me drunk,’ Tobe said, stopping us dead.

I said nothing, gawping at what the smear had become. A great wall made of rubble and junk stretched before us, running from north to south. It was so long that I couldn’t see where it stopped. I felt dwarfed by it, insignificant—all my joy, sorrows, successes and setbacks rendered meaningless.

It made me wonder if there was any point in going on.

But we did, stopping next to a stretch of the wall made of old doors, broken wardrobes, ruined tables. Red and Blue collapsed in a heap. The sun beat down, directly overhead, its light reflecting off the wall.

We slowly drowned in it.

‘Shit.’

‘You bet,’ said a high-pitched voice.

I looked at the girl. She was smiling at me. Tobe turned, swapping the bumper to his other shoulder, and looked at her as well. Still smiling, she winked at him. He returned her smile. For a moment, it was happy families all round.

‘What do you reckon?’ I asked Tobe.

He looked at me. ‘We should cut her down, my back’s killing me. Then we’ll get a bit of shade up and make camp. I don’t fancy spending the night in the Borough.’

We crouched down, carefully laying the girl and the dead roo—which she hadn’t seemed to notice, despite it rubbing up against her—onto the highway. Only a few metres ahead, the blacktop simply stopped, swallowed up by the wall.

‘Don’t move,’ Tobe said to the girl, taking his knife from his boot. ‘I wouldn’t want to stick you.’

He started cutting away the twine around her ankles. I dumped my pack, opened a fresh canteen, and took a long drink.

‘Am I your bloody servant or something? Get to work!’

Shamefaced, I fished around in my pack. I pulled out a tarp, a hammer, some nails. I started knocking up a rough lean-to. It was a tight squeeze, the tarp stretched tent-like between the wall and the ground. I flopped in the shade; Red and Blue joined me. They panted some more, desperate, pleading.

I poured them a drink, didn’t spill a drop. They both licked my face to say thanks.

‘Nearly there,’ Tobe muttered.

He kept hacking at the twine around the girl’s wrists. She still hadn’t moved. The twine gave; Tobe fell back on his haunches. Like the snap of a finger, the girl was up and running, following the wall to the south. Red and Blue lay there on the blacktop, too buggered to chase after her.

She was gone before I was off my arse. Tobe got to his feet and casually raised his rifle, then looked down its sight.

‘Please, mate,’ I whispered. I don’t know if he heard me, but he lowered his gun, shaking his head. ‘It curves,’ he said.

‘What?’

‘The wall curves. See?’

He held out his rifle. I reluctantly got to my feet and had a better look. The girl had disappeared; the land had forgotten her. And then I saw what Tobe was talking about—far in the distance, the wall curved to the west. I passed the rifle back. Tobe looked to the north.

‘Same again.’

‘Big wall.’

‘No shit.’

We stood there, staring at the monstrous thing before us. Neither of us spoke. Not knowing what else to do, I sat back down in the shade. It was too hot to stay out in the sun. Tobe shouldered his rifle, stared into the distance.

‘Let’s have a squizz,’ he said. ‘You up for it?’

Lying there in the relative cool, I decided that I didn’t actually have the oomph. ‘I’m knackered, and it’s bloody hot.’

He looked down at me, sneering slightly.

‘Red! Blue! Come on!’

They didn’t move, just whined a little.

‘Right, then, if that’s how it is,’ he said, already walking away.

‘Have fun,’ I said, and leaned back on my pack.

EIGHT

I rested a while, flat-out in the jerry-rigged shade. Red and Blue lay asleep beside me, occasionally letting out deep sighs of happiness. They started snoring, their paws twitching.

When the mood took me, I would roll onto my side or stretch my arms or hug my knees to my chest and work cramps from my legs. I drank a lot of water. I slowly started to feel human again.

A gunshot rang out, an enormous crack of manmade thunder.

‘Tobe,’ I said, breaking from my lazy daze.

Red and Blue jumped to their feet, instantly awake. They darted out of the shade, barking madly. I joined them outside, saw nothing out of the ordinary. A fresh coat of flies covered the dead roo; I walked over and shooed them away. I rooted through my pack, pulled out another ratty tarp, threw it over the carcass. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

Another shot rang out.

Red and Blue sniffed the air and took off. I chased after them. They ran hard, following the wall to the south, disappearing behind its curve. I surrendered to the inevitable, staggered back to camp, rooted through my pack again, pulled out my barely working binoculars, and took a better look. The section we had made camp next to—old doors, broken wardrobes, ruined tables—stretched on a while before giving way to tall sheets of rusty corrugated iron. Each sheet stood on its end, eight or nine feet high. There were hundreds of them, one after the other. Far ahead, I saw an abrupt change, a sliver of black. I fixed on it, found a chink in the wall’s armour—at the bottom of a sheet a chunk was missing, revealing a dark hole barely a foot and a half wide.

A gate wants to be opened; a fence wants to be climbed.

I gathered my things and set off. The sun had passed over the wall, casting me in shadow. For that, I thanked someone I don’t believe in. The thought of Tobe or the girl didn’t enter my mind—the urge to explore had overcome me, cramming out all else. I pushed on, finally crouching down in front of the hole I had discovered. Looking through it, there was nothing but shadow and dappled sunlight, jagged shapes jutting every-which-way. A faint glow came from somewhere far inside, bright enough to make everything seem knotted and gnarled. I whipped off my shirt, wrapped it around my hands, and took hold of the broken sheet of iron. Despite my makeshift gloves, I could feel the heat in it. I wrenched it roughly. The metal groaned, shifting a little. I put my back into it. Nails in the iron slowly worked free, a grinding scrape that shook my teeth. The sheet started to peel away. Another groan, deeper this time. Nails started dropping to the ground like spent shells.

I jumped back, some primitive instinct.

I stuffed it up, of course—I tripped on my feet, ended up on my arse. The sheet of iron started falling, slowly-slowly-slowly, creaking like an old tree in a gale. I got back to my feet and guided the sheet to the ground.

‘Shit.’

It was all I could say.

‘Shit.’

I couldn’t look away. I slouched out, my hands braced on my knees. I sat down, parked my arse. I kept staring.

It was a mess of stuff, more than you can imagine, no matter how many ancient tips you’ve seen, all of it stacked into enormous piles. The piles were towering, with gaps between them only wide enough for someone skinny to squeeze through. I stepped into this new world. To my left, a pile of ordinary household items. They would have been good salvage if they weren’t so ruined—old washing machines, dryers, fridges, rolls of rotting carpet. To my right, a pile of broken wooden furniture. Behind that, a pile of televisions and more broken wooden furniture.

‘Shit happens,’ I said, reading the graffiti scrawled on one of the piles.

I stepped further into the gap, entered an open space maybe six feet around. The piles beside me stopped abruptly, then across this open space, the piles started again. There was another gap between them. I looked left, looked right. Two other gaps ran between three other piles, all burrowing into the guts of the wall itself. At the end of one gap was a faint glow. The others showed me nothing, the piles simply curving away into darkness.

I dithered a minute, unsure what to do. The gaps called out; I stood firm. But I was like a kid in a chocolate shop, as the old farts used to say, my resolve crumbling to dust.

‘G’day, Bill,’ an unexpected voice said from somewhere behind me.

I spun around. Tobe stood there, squinting, his rifle slung over one shoulder, a dead rabbit slung over the other. Blood dripped from a bullet hole in its head.

‘How’s it going?’ Tobe asked.

For whatever reason, I was stupidly and inexplicably happy. I felt like a conqueror from a bygone time, both seeking counsel and hoping to offer it, caught up in the joy of discovery.

I smiled at Tobe, excited, wanting to let it all out. But something in his face told me not to bother.

‘Dinner’s ready,’ he said.

‘But…’

He waved my demand away. ‘Save it. Now, shift your arse.’

Out of the blue, the sickly sweet smell of cooking meat drifted by on the wind. My stomach rumbled; I started to salivate. Food! I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten properly.

‘No worries,’ I said, happy to give in.

Tobe led us back to camp. We skirted the wall a while; it occurred to me that I had forgotten to ask him something.

‘Seen the girl?’

‘Nope. You?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Huh.’

Her presence out on the plain already seemed so much more ordinary.

We walked on in silence. More flies buzzed around, attracted by the scent of burning flesh. I bitched about them, pathetically trying to wave them away. We tramped on. My mouth wouldn’t stop watering.

‘Ta-da,’ Tobe said as we drew up to camp.

He had managed to drag enough wood from the guts of the wall to start a good-sized fire, its coals already glowing red.

‘Nice one.’

‘Cheers. Roo’s pretty much done, by the way.’

It was sickly pink in some places, scorched black in others. Tobe had found a metal pole somewhere and run it straight through the roo, so that it dangled over the fire, with both ends propped on piles of rocks. Red and Blue were tied up by the wall, straining at the frayed twine of their leads. They looked at me, their eyes wet, pleading. I somehow resisted, walked over to the roo, picked up a rag lying next to it, wrapped my hand and started to turn the pole. Tobe had even managed to shape gullies in the rock, hemmed in by capstones, so the roo could be rolled.

‘You’ve been busy.’

‘And you’ve been lazy,’ he said, hanging the dead rabbit from a shard of wood jutting from the wall. ‘Now, come on, eat up. We’re burning the light.’

‘All right, all right.’

I squatted, drawing my knife. A lighter patch in the scorched flesh told me that Tobe had already eaten his fill. I got to work, carving off strips of the gamey meat. It dripped with a clear fluid that sizzled when it hit the hot coals. I ate with my hands, sitting in the dirt, the clothes on my back all that separated me from the animals of the land.

‘Did you say something?’ Tobe asked.

I caught myself groaning. I was in heaven. Food… I was almost delirious.

Meat juices dripped from my hands and stained my beard. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve, licked my fingers, and just kept eating. Swallowing my last mouthful, I burped loudly and smiled wide.

I was full, actually full. I felt like screaming it to the heavens.

‘Are you done?’ Tobe asked, denying me the opportunity.

‘Just give me a minute.’

I beamed for a moment, drank some water. I pulled out my pouch, rolled some bush tobacco, lit it off the fire. A magnificent lethargy settled over me. Tobe squatted by the cooked roo, drew his knife, cut away a dozen strips. He carried them over to Red and Blue, dropping them in the dirt.

‘Sit!’

They reluctantly sat. Tobe untied them.

‘Wait.’

They waited. He gave them a scratch.

‘Good dogs.’

They wolfed the meat down. They didn’t even stop to breathe. Tobe turned, looked at me darkly, started to pace back and forth.

‘Okay, I get it,’ I said, flicking my butt into the fire.

‘About time…’

I stood up, started to pull on my pack.

‘Leave it. But bring your empties, it’s a fair bet we’ll find some water in the Borough.’

I clipped a full canteen to my belt, clipped two empties next to it. ‘Lead on, MacDuff.’

‘It’s lay on, dickhead, lay on. How many times can you get it wrong?’

We headed north, which surprised me. For some reason, I had figured that we would head back the way we came, to either look for the girl or check out what I had found. But as always, Tobe was one step ahead. More than one, really more like thousands.

We followed the wall, staying in its shadow, glad to be out of the sun. Red and Blue trotted behind us, taking their time now that their bellies were full. In this new direction, the section of wall we had made camp next to soon gave way to a section made of these things I didn’t recognise. Squat and metallic, four or five feet wide but only a foot or so high—they were stacked tall, one on top of the other. Behind rust and dirt lay the remnants of paint—blue, red, black, yellow, white, green, grey. Each pile was jammed hard against the next, this new section of wall stretching on, the ground littered with broken glass.

‘Not much further now.’

We kept walking. At some point, I saw a metallic badge hanging from one of the piles by a rusted thread. I stopped, stared at it. Three lines met in the middle of the badge, splitting it cleanly.

I kept staring as an old memory thawed.

‘Tobe? Are these…’

‘Yep,’ he said, cutting me off. ‘They must have got a crusher working. I wish I’d thought of it.’

I pushed against one of the piles as hard as I could. I might as well have been pushing against a reef of rock or the earth itself.

‘Come on, mate, stop piss-farting around.’

Tobe was ahead of me, walking fast, almost running. Red and Blue started after him, leaving me behind.

‘Hang on!’

They caught up to Tobe. He bent down, gave them a good scratch. They gave him a slobbery lick in return and then bounded into the wall.

‘Come on, Bill.’

I reluctantly started running. Tobe was smiling wide, bouncing on the soles of his feet.

‘Shift your arse, mate.’

‘I’m coming, I’m coming.’ I hurried on, breathing hard. ‘Shit.’ I stopped before a gap in the piles, a long corridor wide enough to drive a truck into. It was maybe fifty feet long, blocked at the far end by a tangled mess of yellow steel. Sunlight drenched an open floor blanketed in dust, flakes of rust, broken glass. Red and Blue were already sniffing at the mangled wreck, tails wagging, barking occasionally, and presumably caught up by the scent of some wild animal.

Tobe waved me forward. ‘After you.’He was boisterous, filled with an edgy joy. It wasn’t a good sign. I took up my rifle, flicked the safety off. Tobe did the same. We stepped into the gap, the refuse under our feet cracking like dead leaves. The piles on either side were maybe ten feet long, the bottom layer of each sinking into the dirt. Beyond them, on the left, was a gap barely wide enough to squeeze through, sealed in by a new pile of jagged wood, scrap metal, lumps of concrete. To the right, a tottering pile of broken bricks and rocks butted hard against the immense pile of crushed cars. Past that, another gap barely wide enough to squeeze through opened up.

‘Bugger me. It’s not a wall, it’s a…’

‘Yeah, it’s a maze. I figured that out ages ago.’

_________

We headed ten feet down the corridor, then fifteen, then twenty. We took it easy, slowly growing closer to the wreck of yellow steel. Red and Blue ignored us completely, still snuffling at it. The piles on either side were enormous. Only the occasional gap led deeper into the guts of the wall. I took off my glasses and cleaned them on my shirt, more as an excuse to look away.

I couldn’t help looking back.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…’

That deep into it, the sheer amount of stuff that made the wall possible was staggering. I saw some of the same things I had seen earlier—broken furniture and whitegoods. But there was so much more, all equally ruined: garden tools, car parts, appliances, office furniture, road signs, industrial equipment, farm machinery, the very stuff that houses are made of. And still more: a department store mannequin, a pew, a wheelchair, a set of goal posts, a pram, an ironing board, a claw-foot bath, a mangled pushbike, a life-sized crucifix.

The detritus of a lost world.

I tried to say something but nothing came out. Tobe kept walking. A low moan disturbed the eerie quiet, the great weight in the walls shifting and settling, shifting and settling. A grey cloud settled on me; I had to fight the urge to sit down, to pack it in, to give up. Tobe stopped at the wreck and gave Red and Blue a quick pat. They ignored him, still trying to get at whatever they had found.

Tobe leaned on the wreck. He looked at me without really seeing me, waving around at what we had found.

‘What you reckon?’

I didn’t answer, unable to tear myself from the exposed workings of the wall. So many lives must have gone into it, were still evident in it, were still trapped inside it. Only the people themselves were forgotten, not what they had done to fight off their fears. That would be preserved for all time: a monstrous wall of junk strung across a burnt-out plain in the middle of nowhere.

‘What a waste.’

‘Yeah, this shit’s rooted. Think of it—even just a ute-load, if it was in good nick, you’d be set up for a good while. Too bad, eh?’

I looked at him, my eyes dead. ‘Yeah, too bad.’

‘You all right?’ Tobe asked.

I whispered to myself: ‘I wish.’ Then I barked, loud enough for Tobe to hear, ‘No worries.’

I did the best I could to shake my black mood, trying to accept the fact that I was too far into our walk to back out, that I wasn’t a good enough survivor to make it home alone. Shit. I gave in and ambled over to Tobe, dragging my feet. Red and Blue ignored me, kept snuffling. Tobe smiled, his eyes shining.

The wreck was only a little taller than we were: an evil thing, sharp edged, lined with vicious teeth, a giant tin can that had exploded from the inside.

We looked up at it.

‘Any idea what comes next?’ I asked.

‘None at all.’

‘No shit?’

‘No shit.’

‘Well, how about that? Action man doesn’t know everything.’

‘Fuck you.’

The wreck loomed over us. Rusted strips peeled away, patiently waiting to scratch us. I didn’t want to climb it; it would be death by a thousand cuts. Catching the look on Tobe’s face, I figured that he didn’t want to climb it either.

He reached out, took a hold of a piece of wreckage and pulled hard. It didn’t move.

‘Here we go.’

He took it easy, moving slowly. Before too long, he was done. I looked up at him. Back-lit by the afternoon sun, a halo of golden light surrounded him. Poseur idiot. I wondered again whether he deliberately chose these times and places for their dramatic effect.

‘Nice view?’

‘Come on up and see for yourself.’

I pulled on my gloves, shook my rifle free, picked up Tobe’s, flicked both safeties on. ‘Here.’

But he wasn’t listening, his back to me.

‘Tobe?’

No reply.

‘You ‘right?’

He turned, looked at me, reached out, took hold of the rifles. He lay them down, reached out again. His grip was strong.

‘Yeah, she’s ‘right. It’s beautiful, that’s all.’

I didn’t say anything, just braced my feet against the tangled mess.

‘One, two, three.’

He heaved. I took a step up, my arse sticking out, my boots leaving dusty footprints behind. I found another foothold, took another step. Tobe heaved again. I scooted around, avoiding the ragged rusty steel, and made it to the top.

The wreck stretched on for another twenty or thirty feet, and then gave way to a bare-earth plain maybe a mile long. Beyond that lay withered bush. From our new vantage point the curve of the wall was easier to see: to the north and south this bare-earth plain followed it, the occasional blurry shape the only break in the monotony.

The far end of the wreck curved up and away from us, a rusted wave, higher than we were tall. I realised that we stood atop a bombed-out bulldozer. The floor under us was cracked, riddled with holes. Steel plates scraped against each other, rending the quiet. We moved carefully, stopping whenever we felt a tremor. I didn’t dare look up, eyes fixed on my feet, on the increasingly unsteady surface I trod.

‘Fuck this for a joke.’

I snapped from my spell, looked up to see Tobe hotfooting it away. He hit the steel wave at speed and scrabbled at it; its surface too slick to offer any purchase, he simply slid down, ending up in a foetal ball at the bottom.

I laughed. ‘Need a hand?’

Tobe didn’t answer, his cheeks reddening. ‘Watch your feet,’ he warned.

‘You’re one to talk—you should have seen the look on…’

Without warning, the plate under my feet slid away, clattering down into the belly of the beast. I almost followed it, treading on empty air. Tobe was back on his feet quick-smart, grabbing my hand, saving my arse. In the process, I somehow dropped my rifle, watched it slide toward the hole and the darkness. Tobe kicked out his leg then caught the strap with his foot and started reeling it in.

‘Cheers.’

We looked up at the rusted wave. It curved away, its crest only a few feet over our heads.

Tobe cupped his hands and bent his knees. ‘After you.’

I groaned, but stepped into his hands anyway and he boosted me up. I reached out, stretched further, found a handhold, pulled myself up, slithered onto my belly, almost slid over the edge.

‘You ‘right?’

‘No worries.’

I reached for the rifles, slung them on my back. Tobe hoisted himself up with a noticeable lack of effort and took a seat next to me.

We clung to our perch like two cockies up a dead tree.

NINE

The sun shone bright off the bare-earth plain. The bush beyond it warped in a heat haze. Only a few feet below us, the last section of wall stretched out, barely ten feet of cracked wood and broken furniture.

‘Right, no use sitting here all day,’ Tobe said.

I would have been perfectly happy to do so.

Tobe unclipped a canteen from his belt and tossed it onto the pile below us. The wood creaked but held; the canteen bounced along, rolled over the far edge. Tobe pushed himself off, landed heavily. A cloud of dust billowed up. The wall groaned. For a moment, it seemed like Tobe was about to fall through and get swallowed up.

He started jumping, the wood bouncing beneath his feet.

‘Come on, Bill, what are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas?’

I pushed myself off.

‘That’s my boy,’ Tobe said, catching my arm.

I turned and looked back at the rusted wave. We had somehow propped ourselves at the top of the bulldozer’s monstrous blade. Pushed hard against the blade, the pile of wood was splintered, broken. But it seemed to have done its job; the bulldozer had stopped dead, all the mechanical might in the world reduced to scrap.

I turned back. Tobe was already ahead of me, about to drop over the side.

‘Tobe?’

‘Look, mate, I’ve no idea how it got here.’

And over he went.

I pulled off my glasses and tucked them in a pocket before sliding the rifles off the edge and following them down. I landed hard, but nothing felt broken. I slowly got to my feet, put my glasses back on, picked up my rifle and checked that it was okay.

‘It’s time to get real,’ Tobe said, his rifle already raised, serious and shit-scary yet again. ‘Once we’re out there, we’re completely in the open.’

He waved to encompass the vast emptiness. I stared at it, reluctant to go any further, jumping at every shadow.

‘Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut and move like shit off a shovel.’

I nodded pathetically. ‘Okay. But what about the dogs?’

Tobe’s face crinkled. ‘Shit, I forgot.’ He called their names. Red howled, Blue barked. ‘Come on!’

We rested in the shade, waiting for them to conquer the maze-like innards of the wall. After a while they appeared, darting out of a gap between two piles. They trotted over, happy and curious.

‘Shall we?’

We set off, almost running, dust trailing behind us. We kept our rifles up. The tree line in the distance seemed to grow no closer. Occasionally, Tobe would look down the sight on his rifle.

‘Bill, mate, check this shit out,’ he said at some point.

He wavered from the straight line we had been holding, hooking left. I shot him an ugly look, hating every minute out there. I was panicked—we were so exposed, so small. Reluctantly, I followed Tobe. Red and Blue ran with me, loving the exercise.

I saw what was drawing Tobe in, and I shut my mouth—a squat black thing was sitting ahead of me, one of the blurry shapes that were the only break in the monotony.

Tobe was walking around it, nudging it with his boot as if trying to rouse it from its sleep. In one hand he held a length of metal he had found. He climbed on top of the thing, started pounding on it. Dull thunder split the quiet air.

‘Oi! What are you doing?’

He didn’t hear me, just kept whaling away. I started walking around the thing. I had no idea what it was; it was an enormous tangle of black metal and piping, with fractured steel plates peeling away. It was vaguely square, maybe nine feet high, fifteen feet long.

I rounded the thing. ‘Tobe!’ I screamed, loud enough to make him stop whatever he was doing.

He threw the length of metal away and jumped down to meet me. ‘Yeah, I already saw it. That’s why I was trying to get inside—thought we might find some goodies.’

‘Shit.’

‘Shit is right.’

Painted on what I assumed was its bonnet, in letters bold and white, the dreaded initials: CRP. I sagged. Creeps… Tobe started to circle it, taking wide steps, trying to get its measure. I watched, wanting him to give up his quest, wanting him to lead the way home.

But I said nothing.

He wrenched a length of metal off it, turned it over in his hands, dropped it to the ground, rubbed his palms together. Soot and flecks of rust flew. He pulled his pouch from his pocket, rolled some bush tobacco, pulled his lighter from a different pocket, lit up.

‘What do you reckon?’ I asked.

‘Well, it’s obviously a transport of some kind. Probably big enough for a dozen or so Creeps.’

‘Tobe, I don’t really care what it is. What do we do? That’s what I’m worried about—I’m not that keen on heading into the Borough if it’s crawling with these pigs.’

He looked at me, a familiar expression on his face, equal parts scorn, condescension and pity. He picked up the length of metal he had dropped, started swinging it around, and smashed it into the transport. Dust, ash, and more soot and rust flew through the air.

He hit the transport a last time.

‘As I was saying, it’s obviously some kind of transport. It’s too fucked-up, though—I can’t tell whether it was only a troop carrier, or something a little more confrontational. But look…’ He once again swung the length of metal. More dull-metal thunder rang out. ‘…there’s nobody home. Probably hasn’t been for a while.’

‘So what happened?’

‘How should I know? Maybe it ran over a mine or an IED. Shit, maybe it was hit with a bazooka.’

I couldn’t help laughing.

‘I’m serious, mate. There are that many abandoned ammo dumps out here in the wasteland…’ Tobe threw the length of metal away. ‘But we should still get a bloody wriggle on.’

I wanted to turn back and head for home, more than I had ever wanted anything. Everyone knew that the Creeps were sore losers. But—his dead stare boring into me—I once again bent under Tobe’s will.

The last few hundred feet of the bare-earth plain seemed to stretch on forever. We moved fast. With every step, I expected a shot to ring out and for one of us to crumple to the ground. I cursed the dust that trailed after us, cursed the heavy footprints we left behind. With gritted teeth, I braced myself for the crack, for the shock, for the spray of red blood on brown dirt.

Nothing happened.

‘Come on, Bill.’

I picked up my pace, pulled up next to Tobe. The withered bush slowly grew closer. I choked on my panic, stumbled, but managed to find my feet. Tobe scanned the tree line with his rifle.

‘Thank fuck for that,’ Tobe muttered as we made it to the tree line and started pushing through.

I nodded, too knackered to speak.

‘You want a rest?’

I shook my head, a straight-out lie. Of course I wanted a rest—I wanted this horror story to be done; I wanted to be home, looking after my own piece of dirt. But I knew I was asking too much—if we had to keep going, the sooner we set off, the sooner we could be on our way back.

‘No worries.’

It was cooler in the shade of the trees, but not by much. They were all dead or dying, grey and parched. I slung my rifle over my shoulder, fear slowly draining away. Tobe did the same. We took out our canteens, drank deep. Red and Blue dropped their happy-dog joy. They lay flat, ears back and hackles up, readying themselves. I looked around at waist-high scrub that stretched as far as I could see. There were no landmarks, nothing to catch the eye, nothing but dying trees and fallen branches.

I didn’t want to go out like a dickhead, walking around in circles, dying of thirst.

‘Tobe?’

‘She’s right,’ he said, taking his compass from his pocket.

Of course, ready for anything.

‘Right, west is over yonder,’ he said, waving forward.

We tramped on, weaving past the dying trees. Red and Blue kept pace with us, treading softly. Apart from the creak of wood and the low moan of the wind, the only sounds were the labour of our breath and the crack of undergrowth beneath our feet. Tobe occasionally pulled out his compass and checked our direction, correcting our course if necessary. The sun fought through the skeletal canopy; the world was both bright and dark, a patchwork of burning light and gloomy shadows.

After a while—my sense of time dulled by the monotony of the land—I realised what was missing.

‘Tobe?’

He stopped and looked at me. ‘Don’t you understand eyes open and mouths shut?’

‘Who’s going to hear us out here?’

‘You never know.’

Paranoid bastard.

‘Look, mate, you might think you’re the ultimate bushman, but even you miss things.’

His face was defiant, a little scornful. ‘Go on then…’

‘Where are all the flies? Tell me that. It’s hotter than hell, but I haven’t seen any since we left the wall.’

‘So?’ he said, scratching his chin.

‘You don’t think it’s weird?’

‘No, I don’t. They probably just found some other poor bastards to bother. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is getting to the Borough before it’s dark.’

‘Okay, keep your pants on.’

_________

We heard them before we saw them—I knew my question hadn’t been so stupid. It started as a faint buzz, like a small flag in a strong wind. Tobe took up his rifle, flicked off the safety. Somewhat reluctantly, I did the same. The buzz grew louder with every step we took.

Finally—finally—we left the withered bush behind.

It gave way to streets of ramshackle houses; the roads were potholed and cracked, the homes abandoned and derelict. I didn’t give them a second look; they were the same as anywhere else. But still, as we tramped down the broken streets, something felt wrong—some of them looked like they had been shelled, gaping holes torn through the walls. Some looked flattened. By man, not by nature—bulldozed was my guess. There was a strange smell in the air: spoiled meat and wood smoke. But all I saw was rubble and ruin as dry as the thirsty earth.

I turned, looked at Tobe.

He threw his head back, sniffed the wind like a dog. ‘What do you reckon?’

I had to raise my voice over the droning buzz. ‘No idea.’

Red and Blue were sniffing the wind as well. Red barked suddenly; they took off, disappearing behind a collapsed building.

‘Red! Blue! Come on!’

They didn’t heed Tobe’s call. He tried again. Nothing. He tried a third time. Nothing.

‘Fuck it, they’ll catch up,’ he said.

We kept going, the road gradually curving up a hill. I sighed deeply; I knew that hill from when I was a kid, when things weren’t quite so bad. It was the last stop before the Borough’s depressed beauty.

We were nearly done.

We stopped at the peak. The Borough was sprawled out before us, enormous and absolutely devastated. Above the carnage hung a black miasma haze that shifted and shimmered. Only just visible through it were ruined buildings and wrecked vehicles.

‘Mate, I reckon we found your flies.’

I tried to speak. Nothing came out.

Tobe looked at me. ‘You ‘right?’

I steadied myself, somehow. ‘No worries.’

We hurried on, trying not to stumble. The tang of spoiled meat grew stronger; I could barely keep my lunch down. Tobe pulled his pouch from his pocket, rolled some bush tobacco for himself, rolled some for me. He lit them both, passed one over and we took turns blowing smoke in each other’s faces. Before too long, neither of us could smell anything and life was that little bit easier. We cruised down the hill; at the bottom, it flattened out into a wide boulevard.

Straightaway, I bent over and threw up, some primitive animal instinct.

‘Fuck me!’

Dead bodies lay everywhere—hundreds of them, rotting, lying on the side of the road, lying in the middle of the road, lying where they had fallen, where they had died. They had been peppered with bullets, slashed with blades, bludgeoned with blunt instruments. It didn’t really matter which—they were all dead-dead-dead.

Gruesome fascination held me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t look away.

‘What is this?’

Tobe didn’t answer. His eyes were sharp, examining each body thoroughly. I wiped my mouth clean, did my best to pull myself together. We kept walking, stepping around the bodies, stepping over them when we had to. They all crawled with maggots. The thousand-million-billion flies in the air had feasted furiously, were still feasting furiously. We turned a corner. Red and Blue were waiting for us, sniffing at a body. Their back teeth were showing; they were eager to get stuck in. Tobe corralled them, tying them to a broken fence. They were unimpressed; they howled and whined. We let them be and walked past the shattered skeleton of what had once been a bridge. The horror just got worse—the bodies started to pile up, three or four deep. Some lay behind overturned cars, the horrific remains of a last stand. The bodies looked like they had been dead a while, but it couldn’t have been that long—they hadn’t yet been mummified by the heat, were still fresh enough to provide a feed for the animals that had made the Borough their home.

Crows, magpies, and eagles pecked away at the rotten flesh. Tracks led away, dozens of them, imprinted in sticky pools of dry blood.

I stopped walking, couldn’t keep going, sick with horror.

I cried, silently, tiny cracks in the wall of my dammed panic. So much death, so much suffering… And still I couldn’t look away.

‘Bill!’

I didn’t move.

‘For fuck’s sake, get a grip.’

Tobe grabbed my arm and I stumbled after him. It was too much, a massacre of the worst kind…

We kept walking, drawing closer to the centre of town. The buildings were nothing but charred frames and scorched shells; they looked like they had been firebombed. In their charcoaled remains we could see more bodies, overcome by smoke or fire. Lining the footpaths, blocking the road, still more bodies. I tried to shut them out, but then Tobe came to a halt and nudged one with his boot.

‘That explains that.’

I hadn’t noticed it at first; the bodies were mangled, their clothes torn, shredded by gunfire, knife blade, animal tooth. But looking past the dumb bewilderment on the frozen faces of the dead, it managed to hit home; most of them were wearing some kind of body armour. It was similar to Tobe’s…

I quickly looked at him. The armour seemed the same. But it couldn’t be…

He stared back, his eyes dead. I broke away as he rolled a body over, so that it was lying on its belly. It had letters emblazoned on its back: CRP. They ran vertically, from neck to tailbone. The words you never want to see ran out next to them: Compulsory Relocation Police. I swore aloud. Creeps, fuck.

Tobe rolled another body over. The same thing was emblazoned on its back.

‘I can’t do this.’ I collapsed next to the dead Creep, my hands shaking.

‘Bullshit.’

‘I can’t.’

Tobe looked down at me. I was still crying. I didn’t care.

‘Bill, you can do this. You have to.’

I looked at his outstretched hand. I didn’t want to admit it, but he was right. I knew that I had to give in to him, that there was no other way home. Eventually, somehow, I did what he said and followed him on. We passed more death, more destruction, and more bodies. It quickly became apparent that they weren’t all Creeps. Some were in the tattered remains of coveralls and cloth suits, kaftans and hand-me-downs. Farmers, townies, locals, holdouts.

It wasn’t a massacre, it was a war.

A wrecked transport loomed ahead of us, the same as we had seen out on the bare-earth plain. And then we saw more, each one ruined, bombed-out or burnt-out. We turned a corner and stopped before the misshapen body of a crashed helicopter that had presumably been shot out of the sky. The same terrifying words were painted on the side.

Bodies lay underneath it.

‘Shit.’

I pulled out my pouch, tried to roll some bush tobacco. I needed something—anything—to calm me down. My hands shook so much that I dropped the pouch, spilling bush tobacco all over the ground. Tobe picked it up, rolled some for me, lit it up, and passed it over.

‘What happened here?’

He turned to me, hate and anger in his eyes. Luckily, it wasn’t directed at me. There was something else there, too—a strange look of satisfaction, as if he had been expecting this.

‘What do you think?’ he asked.

‘I don’t know. Maybe the Creeps picked the wrong town to mess with.’

I couldn’t believe the levity in my voice. Well, it was either that or snap and run screaming into the wild.

‘Nice one, mate. I didn’t know you had it in you.’

He sat next to me and cast a professional eye over the carnage. Cool as can be, he didn’t seem impressed by it at all.

‘I reckon you’re right, Bill. I reckon those bastards came here thinking this would be nothing but another routine evacuation—you know, frighten them with a bit of “shock and awe” and then round them up and cart them away. But they wouldn’t have guessed that the locals were so tough.’

I looked around. Even with the quickest of glimpses, I could see that there were more dead Creeps than there were townies and farmers.

‘How long?’

Tobe picked up his rifle, prodded the nearest body with it. ‘Judging by this poor fucker, I’d say only a couple of days, a week at the most.’

He scratched his chin, thinking hard. A horrifying thought reared its ugly head.

‘Tobe?’

‘Give me a minute.’

‘No, don’t give me that. Look, mate, we need to get out of here, right now. If the Creeps were hit this hard, they’ll be looking for payback. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be around when that happens.’

‘I doubt they’ll come back here. Why would they? Better to bomb the shit out of the joint from the air and then take out all the surrounding towns, just to be safe.’

My mouth fell open. ‘Towns like home?’

He nodded at me, slowly.

TEN

I turned and ran, without hesitation, without a plan. The thought that our nothing, nowhere town might be next spurred me on, blinded me to everything else. The bodies, the wrecked vehicles, the ruined buildings, the carnage—they were all a blur. I flew down debris-choked roads, vaulted cracks and potholes. Tobe was somewhere far away, almost forgotten. My heart hammered. My body complained, a boisterous choir of weary strain. I felt thirsty, but the feeling was distant, drowned out by panic. I kept running, hit the withered bush that bordered the bare-earth plain. Dying trees and thick scrub whipped me; I threw my arms up to protect my face and barrelled through, my body the prow of a fear ship. The uneven ground, thick with leaf litter, dead wood, and exposed rocks, constantly snagged my feet. Somehow, I ran on. Nothing else moved, a seemingly identical patch of frozen bush, repeated for mile after mile.

I was moving forward; the world was standing still.

I couldn’t keep going and staggered, slowed, then stopped. My breath wouldn’t come; my heart kept racing. I knocked off half of my canteen, let a cramp subside, and then kept drinking. For too long, I stayed bent in half, trying to regain control.

Time passed. The world slowly lost its blurred edges.

I stood straight, patted myself down, checked for scratches. Nothing. Once again, I silently thanked someone I don’t believe in. My thirst flared and I finished off my canteen, emptying it. A familiar worry pulsed through me, but my shock squashed it flat.

I realised that I was lost.

I stood there, faced with yet another brand new world. Earthen ridges ran either side of me, their cracked walls full of rocks. A dead creek snaked across a dying land; its bed was narrow, maybe six feet wide. I had no idea how I ended up in it, probably stumbled through a ford or a breach. I goggled at it. A crash rang out, a familiar sound, a startled animal barging through thick scrub. I ignored it, knowing better than to mess with a starving bull roo.

I scrambled up one side of the ridge. I was a little disappointed by what I found—more withered bush, same as it ever was. But then what had I expected? Civilisation? The lost boys? El Dorado?

I cursed aloud, kicking the ground.

‘Tobe!’

I threw my head back, yelled it loud. Spooked birds took flight, a monstrous feathered cloud that threw me in shadow. And then they were gone and there was just the patchy canopy, the burning sun, the empty sky.

‘Tobe!’

Still nothing.

I broke down, coughing, wheezing, my chest burning. I caught my breath and finally heard Tobe’s reply. Stupid relief washed over me. Light and happy, almost a birdsong—it sounded so much like it but it wasn’t a coo-ee.

‘Dick-head… Dick-head…’

It was small, far away.

‘Tobe!’

‘Dick-head…’

‘Tobe!’

‘Dick-head…’

Call and response, again and again. Each time, Tobe was that bit louder. I wanted to run to meet him, but knew that was a bad idea. I waited, called until my voice grew hoarse, kept calling until Tobe appeared in the distance, Red and Blue trotting beside him—black silhouettes stalking through the grey scrub, walking around like they owned the place.

I stopped calling out a word that was now little more than an animal grunt.

‘G’day, Bill,’ he said, as easy as can be.

We hugged.

‘It’s good to see you.’ It was a dry whisper.

Gently mocking, Tobe replied in kind. ‘You too, mate, you too… Now, get off me, you idiot.’

I let him go. He unclipped a canteen from his belt and passed it over. I finished it off, ignoring the cramp in my gut. My head started swimming again; I tottered, suddenly dizzy. I had pushed it hard running all those miles, I had blown a lot of fuses. Deep inside me, it felt like something had broken. Blue trotted over, licked my hand. More by instinct, barely knowing what I was doing, I gave her a good scratch.

‘Bill?’

I didn’t answer.

‘Mate, are you okay?’

‘Hang on a minute.’

‘Shit, you can have five. Kick back and have a smoke if you like. But then we’re out of here.’

I looked at him. He was serious, had already turned away. He held something out in front of him; the bright sun reflected off its glass face, a wicked shard of burning light. He nodded to himself, slipping the compass back in his pocket.

‘You nearly there?’

I looked at him darkly. He was right; we needed to get moving, to get home. There was no time to sit around with our feet up. I decided to get it together, or make an attempt at least. But nothing came.

‘You a bit shell-shocked, mate?’

I didn’t answer, tried taking another step. Nothing. The signal just wouldn’t go through.

‘Right, then.’

Quick as a striking snake, he pushed hard on my chest. I rocked on my heels and flailed around, then started to fall.

‘Good one,’ Tobe said, catching me.

I righted myself, shook him away, and raised my hand in a fist. Nothing else crossed my mind. Tobe caught my hand, forced it down.

‘We should get a move on, now that you’ve got your beans back.’

I couldn’t believe his cheek. Without another word, he started walking away. Somewhat reluctantly, I followed. What else could I do? He wasn’t moving fast, but it was soon too much for me. I shuffled, dragging my feet. Every so often, Tobe looked over his shoulder to make sure I was okay. Whenever he did so, I would smile and make a pathetic effort to speed up. He would ignore my smile, turn back, and tramp on.

We weaved around dying trees, crested ridges, clambered down gullies, barged through waist-high scrub and drifts of dead leaves. Sometimes, Tobe was far in the distance, one shadow amongst many. Once or twice, he stopped and looked at the sky, trying to guess how much daylight was left. A few times, he disappeared altogether, only to reappear a minute later.

I trudged on, one foot in front of the other. I caught my feet and almost fell more times than I could count.

‘Bill?’

I didn’t look up.

‘Bill?

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Mate, stop for a minute.’

I managed to look up. I tried to summon a smile.

Ahead of me, I could see bright sunlight and the bare-earth plain. If I hadn’t been so dry, I would have cried. I managed to catch up to Tobe. Together, we pushed through the tree line. The plain rolled out a long way before meeting the wall. Together, they stretched to the north and the south. A couple of burnt-out transports were all that broke the emptiness. I had no idea where our gap was, where we had first come in.

‘West’s that way,’ Tobe said. He pocketed his compass and started walking.

_________

I once again trailed in Tobe’s wake, a painful crawl across an uncaring land. I followed the tree line, my feet dragging ruts through the dirt and dust. My head lolled, my arms hung useless, my legs kept threatening to buckle. I licked my cracked lips. I felt like a badly made facsimile of a man.

I looked up, for no other reason than because I hadn’t done so in a while.

Tobe had disappeared again—there was nothing but emptiness ahead. Something inside me snapped. I started running, not knowing how. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I managed to keep running, the withered bush passing in a blur, grey-grey-grey.

‘Tobe!’

Somehow my voice was strong, loud.

‘Tobe!’

No reply. I ran on, lost my rhythm, almost fell to the ground. I stopped running, wobbled from side to side. I caught my breath and ran on, started to notice a slow change in the bush. It was thinning out, the grey blur gradually lightening. I kept following it—the tree line soon stopped, and so did I.

‘Shit.’

A clearing had opened up, maybe half the size of a football oval. All that broke its featureless sprawl was the occasional patch of bleached-yellow grass, a couple of stubby bushes and tree stumps, and a small ridge of rock. I looked at the clearing, my eyes drawn to a few fuzzy shapes on the far side, black things that broke up the brown and grey. I strode towards them, saw that they were actually three transports parked side by side, butted deep into the bush. Dead and dying trees hung over them, draping them in leaves.

Shock struck me dumb as I noticed Tobe’s feet sticking out from under one of the transports.

I didn’t know what to say; I thought I had lost the ability to be surprised by him. But no. He was thrashing around a little, obviously struggling with something, Red and Blue lying next to him. They barked when they saw me, but they didn’t get up. Tobe let out a triumphant ‘ah-ha’ and began wriggling free. I watched, fascinated—it was the exact opposite of a snake swallowing its prey.

‘G’day, Bill.’ Tobe jumped to his feet, wiped his hands on the seat of his pants, waved at the clearing. ‘What do you reckon? Little piece of heaven, if you ask me.’

I took my time, looked around properly. The transports were old but seemed okay, bar the odd bullet scar. They were hidden well, the bush almost swallowing them up. If you passed the clearing in a hurry, you wouldn’t even know they were there.

I shrugged at Tobe’s question.

‘It’s their version of a redoubt, dickhead.’

‘Sorry?’

He looked at me sternly, like I was the slowest kid in class.

‘The Creeps probably busted through the wall somewhere nearby, and these babies would have been tucked away as a fallback. A couple of the bastards would have stayed behind, as well. You know, to hold the fort, so to speak.’

I stared at another brand new Tobe, once again a little afraid of him. That wasn’t unusual; he wasn’t the most stable bloke. But his ease with the danger, his knowledge of the Creeps’ nature—where did they come from? I didn’t ask, of course; he was my ticket home.

‘If things had gone to plan, they would have regrouped here and hauled arse. But, well…’

He whistled low, casually reducing the horror we had seen to a mere ‘shit happens’. It was obscene how blasé he was. I wanted to hit him, but I had to hold it together.

I somehow managed to quash my anger. ‘Can you get any of them going?’

‘Maybe.’

‘What do you mean maybe?’

There’s nothing like a prick to the ego to get someone motivated. He smiled, held his chin a little higher.

‘I can probably get one going. Happy?’

I didn’t answer.

‘It might take a while, though.’

‘Well, you’d better get a move on.’

He laughed. It was almost like old times.

‘Right you are. Look, there are probably some supplies stashed somewhere. Food, water, ammo, you name it. Those bastards always over-prepare.’

He slapped the side of one of the transports.

‘They should be in one of these beasties. Why don’t you take a look? But don’t touch the one at the far end, leave that to me.’

He laughed again, turned to the transport he had crawled out from under, took his antique keyring from his pocket, and started trying to jemmy the door. I turned away. Together, the three transports made a squat block, a brick of dull black metal. My beaten body twitched at the idea of squeezing into one of the gaps between them.

I ignored Tobe’s advice, stopped by the transport at the far end, reached for the door handle.

‘What did I tell you?’ Tobe appeared as if from nowhere, holding my wrist, stopping me dead.

‘You’re being paranoid, Tobe, that’s all—same as always.’

‘Trust me, Bill.’

I shook him off, took hold of the handle. Something exploded. The earth trembled. The sky cracked open. The world turned blood-red.

_________

Darkness surrounded me. A roar echoed around me, what I’ve always thought river rapids or a waterfall must sound like. It filled the gloom, almost drowning out a faint drumming that started and stopped. I tried to get my head above the waves, to open my eyes. Pain coursed through me and I screamed. Blows on my chest shook my bones. So many blows, each one heavier, harder. And then nothing. I embraced it, let it carry me away.

Time passed. It must have.

Tobe was shouting. His words were just mangled sounds, a fine accompaniment to the thunderous roar. I closed my eyes, let the darkness pour through me.

The numb cloud I floated in jolted without warning. Heavy and huge, it slowly drifted from side to side. A whining shriek started competing with the roar. The drumming intensified. I felt my centre of gravity shift, suffered a brief awareness of my fragile body, felt myself repeatedly rise and fall in quick succession. I felt a sharp sensation of pain. A whisper of light cracked the dark. The sun, hot and bright. I fell back into my body like a clumsy idiot falling off a rock, found myself lying on my back, flat-out like a you-know-what.

I tried to sit up. Nothing happened. I tried again. Nothing.

The sunlight disappeared as whatever I lay in swung sideways. It lurched, started to tip, the world shifting on its axis. The whining shriek grew louder. Whatever held me down stretched but didn’t give. Another flare of pain. The darkness reached out, the roar returned; I gave in to them.

More time passed, I have no idea how much.

Blinding white light flooded over me. The nothing and the darkness shrivelled up and disappeared. The world pulsed red behind my closed eyes. I didn’t dare open them. I waited. I felt pain like it was what I had been carved from.

‘Bill, mate? Are you with me?’

Tobe. I could understand him. I opened my eyes, tried to smile, tried to speak, couldn’t manage either. As helpless as a babe, I watched Tobe hold a canteen to my mouth. Most of the water dribbled down my chin. Somehow, a little made it through my lips.

‘That better?’

He smiled sadly. I had no idea why. I tried again to sit up. I didn’t make it. I managed to turn my head. To my left, the blackened earth of the Maloort Plain. To my right, a steel wall. I craned my neck. I was strapped to a stretcher. Beyond it, a dozen or more seats were fixed to the same wall. Beyond them were a wire grill and a hatch.

I drank the transport in. ‘Nice one,’ I mouthed. I did my best to nod at the canteen. I got a little more water down. ‘Where?’

That took everything I had and I blacked out again. The numb gloom embraced me, took me away. The roar droned on. The drumming came and went. I floated in the darkness, drifted through the nothing, lay immobile on the stretcher. Eventually, awareness returned—some part of me felt motion, knew that we were moving faster.

Sometimes the roar was loud. Sometimes it was soft. Sometimes the transport jolted and rocked. Sometimes it didn’t.

Occasionally, almost unwillingly, my eyes flicked open and I saw shadows growing deeper. I craned my neck again. Tobe was bathed in a pool of light on the far side of the wire grill. He turned, looked at me, his face monstrous, hideous, wrong.

I lowered my head. I closed my eyes.

The ride slowly became smoother. The roar softened, started purring. The on-off drumming stopped for good. The lull kept on, the eye of the storm soothing us. I was cast adrift on a river of calm and I went with it. Time must have passed.

And then the purr started to grow louder again, becoming a roar full of fury, breaking me from my daze.

The ride became rougher.

I screamed. Once, twice, a third time. The transport rocked, bounced, almost rolled over. The stretcher strained its moorings, pushed them too far, rolled free, and took me with it. I closed my eyes.

And then there was nothing.

People were screaming. Tobe’s voice, others I didn’t recognise. They were a garbled mess. One voice cut through the fog, higher and lighter than all the rest. But it was as blurred as the others were.

I felt rough hands grab me and pull me to my feet. People were on either side of me, holding me up.

And then nothing.

The full moon shone down on me. A squat building loomed. Old. Somehow familiar. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I felt myself being dragged along. And then hands were holding mine. Hands soft and strong at the same time.

And then nothing

A door slammed. A roar, the same roar, fading into the night.

And then nothing.

The hands let go. I was falling, falling, falling.

Nothing.

ELEVEN

I was instantly awake, as if I had been flicked on at the switch. I tried to call out. I tried to move. Pain pinned me down. I stared at the ceiling, at the cobwebbed rafters of the pub. I rasped my thanks.

Home, or near enough.

The air was heavy with smoke, deadening the smell of liquor and sweat. Lanterns flickered, casting shadows every which way. People were talking, arguing, a barrage of voices. I closed my eyes, let the voices wash over me.

‘Look, mate, you’d be wasting your bloody time.’

‘Don’t dare patronise me!’

‘Fuck off, Klaus. All I’m doing is telling it how it is.’

I put it together: Tobe and Old Man Veidt.

‘Don’t think I am stupid because I am old man. I know what you are trying to do.’

‘Look…’

‘Don’t bother, my mind is made up. And no need asking my wife.’

‘She can choose for herself. How about it, Mrs V?’

Typical.

‘Tobias, I am sorry, my husband, he is right,’ Old Woman Veidt said, her voice sad.

‘Your husband’s talking shit, Mrs V. He didn’t see what Bill and I saw. None of you did.’

A torrent of language cut Tobe off.

‘My uncle, he asks why this is our problem.’ The First Country captain, his voice the same rich velvet as his elder. Another torrent of language followed. ‘And why you would expect us to come with you.’

The uncle laughed.

‘I’m not expecting anything. I’m just telling you what we saw.’

‘Why would they come here?’ A new voice, bored and flat.

I tried calling out again. Nothing.

‘Why would they bother?’ Someone else. The voice was almost the same, only pitched a little lower.

‘We’re a tiny town…’

‘…in the middle of nowhere.’

It clicked: Max and Maxine. Twins. Weird.

‘They’ll come, no doubt about that. Do you think we’ll be left alone forever? Fuck, you two are as thick as they come.’

‘There’s no need…’

‘…to get nasty.’

‘Settle down, Tobe.’ Another new voice. How many people had he dragged out?

‘Piss off, Sheldon, there’s no time to fart around. The Creeps are out there somewhere, somewhere close. If you don’t believe me, go take another butcher’s at the transport.’

No one challenged him. I somehow moved my broken body, shuffled around on the couch, hoping someone would notice me, would bring me some water.

But no one did.

‘Anyway, I love this place. Why would I leave if I didn’t have to?’

‘Well, you aren’t the most reliable bloke.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Don’t play silly buggers, Tobe. You know what I mean.’

Typical Tobe and Sheldon. They were too alike, they might as well have been piss and vinegar.

‘Sheldon, you’re scared, that’s all.’

‘Is that right?’

‘Yeah, it is. You’re too scared to leave town, you’ve been here too long. I get it.’

‘Don’t you lecture me about this town! At least I’m here when people need me. Not like you, running away all the time.’

‘My comings and goings don’t seem to bother you when I’m fetching things you need. So what’s this really about? Why don’t you enlighten me? That’d be a bit of fun, don’t you reckon? Stick the boot into Tobe for a bit. Bring the wife and kids, fun for the whole family.’

‘Look.’

‘Piss off.’

‘Boys!’ Another new voice, soft steel, take-no-shit tones. Louise.

I smiled a tiny smile. I tried to call her name. I barely managed a whisper.

‘Whatever problems you two have with each other can wait. Even if Tobe’s wrong—and I don’t think he is—we should hear him out.’

Unconvinced voices, a mumble of maybes.

‘We owe him that.’

‘I don’t owe him shit.’ A gruff voice: the Kumari Kid.

‘Fine. Almost all of us owe him that. Happy?’

‘I’m all right. I could do with another drink.’

A sudden slap.

‘Boy, don’t be so rude.’ Another new voice.

Mrs Kumari, I guessed. People laughed. My tiny smile grew a little wider.

‘Ow, Mum! Fuck.’

Another slap. More laughter.

‘You watch your mouth, boy. Now, apologise to Louise.’

‘Sorry, Lou.’

‘You’re welcome… So, where was I?’

No one answered.

‘Yeah, okay, um… Look, the transport didn’t come from nowhere. That alone means we should hear Tobe out. Agreed?’

A mumbled agreement, and then silence.

‘Tobe?’

‘Right, shit, sorry… So, that’s pretty much what happened and what we saw and what I reckon.’

A group exhalation of frustration, followed by a fresh torrent of language.

‘If that’s all you have to say, then we are done.’

Silence met the First Country folk. I heard their chairs scrape the floor, the fall of their feet as they walked out the door, the bang of it slamming behind them.

And then the questions started.

‘You what?’

‘And then?’

‘Don’t tell us that…

‘…that’s all you have to say.’

‘You’re kidding, right?’

‘How many dead, do you reckon?’

Finally, an intelligent question.

‘Mate, we didn’t really have time to count. Hundreds, I guess.’

More followed.

‘Did you see any locals?’

‘How long ago, do you think?’

‘Any survivors?’

I had a question of my own: why hadn’t anyone checked on me?

‘Anything worth scavenging?’

‘Who built the wall?’

‘What do we do?’

At that question, everyone fell quiet. I heard drinks being poured, bush tobacco being lit, chairs being shuffled.

‘That’s the point, isn’t it?’

‘I don’t see why we have to do anything.’

‘Shut up, Klaus!’

A chorus, half a dozen voices. Someone laughed. The mood lightened a little.

‘Nice one… Now, you’ve all heard my plan and you’re all welcome to join me.’

No one spoke, no one moved.

‘Fine. If that’s how you feel, then fuck the lot of you.’

Louise nearly screamed. ‘Tobe! What’s the rush? Give us a chance to sleep on it, it’s almost dawn.’

Another silence.

‘Okay, fair enough. Listen up, all of you. I’ll be off at sunrise tomorrow. I like the…’ He struggled for the word. ‘…the drama of it.’

Someone groaned. I did the same. From nowhere, thirst consumed me.

‘Water?’ I rasped. It was pathetic.

‘You’ve got to travel light and make your own way here. I don’t want to waste any more fuel.’

‘Water?’ Still pathetic.

‘Bring whatever food you have, we might be on the road a long time.’

‘Water?’ A little louder.

‘I’ll be here from midnight, to start packing people in.’

‘Water?’ Louder again.

‘Don’t be late, because…’

‘Water?’

‘Fuck, what is that?’

‘Water?’

‘Bill!’

Everyone stared, shocked into silence. I waved pitifully. Tobe and Louise whooped happily as they rushed over. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so heartfelt. I smiled, took the canteen from Tobe’s hand, drank deep. Louise reached out, stroked my head, running her hands through my greasy hair.

‘You gave us a fright, mate,’ Tobe said.

I tried to answer, started coughing. Louise parked herself next to me and kept stroking my head. I smiled stupidly, deeply touched.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, she’s right.’

Exhausted again, I collapsed back on the couch. Everyone else had fallen into quiet conversation, giving us some space.

‘Lou, mate. Could you maybe fix us a cuppa?’ Tobe asked.

‘Lazy bastard, do it yourself.’

Tobe gave her a funny look. The penny must have dropped; she stood, smiled, blew me a kiss, walked away. I didn’t want her to go, but needs must and all that.

‘What did I miss?’ I asked.

‘What did you hear?’

‘Bit of this, bit of that.’

‘Well, we’re in the shit.’

‘And?’

‘What do you reckon? We’ve got to haul arse.’

‘Hang on…’

Tobe started to interrupt but Louise appeared, stopping him dead. She held out a battered tin cup of billy tea. I sipped at it, felt the burn in the pit of my stomach.

‘Cheers.’

‘No worries. I’ll leave you boys to it.’

There was bitterness in her voice. I mouthed a ‘sorry’ and she winked at me as she walked away.

‘Forget what you heard, mate. All that matters is that you’re okay.’

Tobe stood, addressing the rest of the townsfolk. They were still milling around, still arguing amongst themselves, still debating his plan.

‘Like I said, I’ll be here at midnight and gone at dawn. Now go home, get some sleep.’

Louise’s anger shook the walls. ‘Tobe! This is still my pub and I still give the orders! You lot—whoever wants to stay can stay, there’s plenty of room to rest up before heading home.’

The crowd began breaking apart. I caught Tobe’s eye, waved him over. He bent down, pulled me to my feet, threw his arm around me to keep me steady.

‘Let’s go.’

Louise was swamped; everyone was asking questions, demanding drinks. She blew me another kiss and smiled a wicked smile. I knew that we would have our time; that she would wait for me to come back.

‘Lead on,’ I said.

Tobe didn’t correct me this time, he just dragged me away.

He kicked the door open, helped me outside. Dawn was coming, the sky tinged purple. I took a shuddering step and almost fell over Red and Blue, who were cuddled up together on a blanket by the door.

‘Easy,’ Tobe said, grabbing my arm.

‘Cheers.’

‘I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to her.’

Blue was growling low in her throat. I crouched, held out my hand. Every muscle ached. Blue sniffed me, licked my palm, and stopped growling.

‘Sorry.’

‘No worries.’

I stood back up and took a few steps. My legs shook, threatening to buckle. I caught sight of the transport, swore to myself.

‘Guess it wasn’t a bad dream then.’

Tobe started rolling some bush tobacco. He passed it over, started rolling one for himself.

‘Got a light?’

He tossed me his Zippo.

‘What happened?’ I asked. ‘I feel like shit.’

Tobe smiled grimly. He whacked the side of the transport with his open hand. ‘These babies are armed, to stop cheeky buggers like us getting inside. A bit of a shock will send anyone packing.’

I looked him in the eye. ‘How do you know this?’

He broke my gaze, looked at his feet. ‘You learn these things, out there on the land. Anyway, forget it. You need some rest, that’ll fix you right up.’

He whacked the transport again. My exhaustion and pain forced me to drop my question.

‘You want a ride?’

I shuddered. I’d had enough of the Creeps and their toys. But there was no way I could manage the walk home.

‘Fuck it.’

Tobe laughed. I followed him to the transport, walking slowly with my head down. And then I saw something in the dirt lining the road.

‘Tobe!’

‘What?’

‘Come here, have a look.’

‘All right, all right.’

He wandered over, bent down low. Small footprints were tramped into the dirt. Tobe and I turned back to the transport. The side door hung open, the footprints leading away from it and into the darkness.

‘Shit.’

We stared at each other. I knew we were sharing the same thought—it was the girl. It was Tobe’s fault. If we had left her on the land like I had suggested, she wouldn’t have been able to follow us and hitch a sneaky ride.

‘What do you want to do?’ I asked.

Tobe scratched his chin. ‘Give me a minute.’

He walked away, back into the pub. I leaned on the transport, staring at the stars. My head swam, my legs cramped. The sky slowly lightened as I waited for the pain to pass. Eventually, I wrenched on the passenger door. Locked. I wrenched on the driver’s door, settled myself inside.

I groaned.

‘You okay?’ Tobe asked, appearing from nowhere.

‘She’s right.’

‘Well, let’s get you home then. Red and Blue will be fine with Lou.’

He didn’t mention our stowaway.

‘And what about the girl?’

‘Oh, yeah. I asked everyone to keep an eye out.’

‘Good one.’

‘Are you going to scoot over or what?’

I managed to do so. The cabin was cramped; the dashboard was a mess of dials, more complicated than it probably needed to be. Tobe’s rusted keyring hung from the ignition. I couldn’t tell whether he had hot-wired it or simply had good luck with his souvenirs.

Tobe started the engine. Its roar filled the air.

‘And away we go…’

We cruised down the broken highway, headlights shining bright in the sombre dawn glow. Wrecks and fallen trees occasionally appeared ahead; Tobe calmly steered around them. I opened my window, letting fresh air flood the cabin. The dilapidated houses passed in a blur, giving way to flat empty paddocks and rolling hills of dark bush. I tried to enjoy the ride; it had been years.

Tobe turned the steering wheel sharply and the transport fishtailed. I looked over as he got it under control and pulled onto my road.

‘Sorry about that.’

‘No worries.’

The transport shuddered on the potholed dirt road. I gritted my teeth. Tobe did the same. He stared straight ahead, eyes fixed on the world beyond.

‘Here’s the plan…’

I groaned, exhausted and pained. ‘Save it, I can guess what you’re going to say. You fancy yourself as our hero, leading the tribe in search of a new land.’

‘You just fancy yourself,’ he said.

‘Dickhead.’

Tobe smirked.

‘I’m right, aren’t I?’

Tobe didn’t reply, a look both broken and defiant on his face. We kept driving.

Our strained silence stretched on until we reached my driveway and stopped at the gate.

Tobe didn’t kill the engine. He turned to me. ‘You don’t know the half of it, Bill.’

‘Sure I do.’

‘No, you don’t.’

‘Tobe, now’s not the time.’

I swung the door open, started to heave myself out. Tobe watched me. He didn’t move, he didn’t speak. I didn’t know what else to do, so I gave in.

‘Tobe, you know that I don’t want to be here when the Creeps show up. I love this place, I can’t watch it burn. So if you’ve got a plan, well, that’s more than I’ve got. But not now, no way.’

He was almost bouncing in his chair. ‘But…’

‘I’m not interested, won’t be until after I’ve had a decent kip.’

He slumped. ‘Okay… I’ll come get you some time before midnight. That all right?’

‘No worries.’ I made it out of the transport. ‘Catch you later.’

Tobe threw me a salute and revved the engine. It roared loud enough to shake the trees. A shadowy shape—some night time animal—raced across the paddock that stretched before me. The roar of the engine built to a scream. Tobe took off in a cloud of dust. I smiled.

Another wave of exhaustion crashed through me.

I steeled myself, took a shuddering step. I somehow started walking, slowly following the driveway.

TWELVE

Something broke my dreamless sleep, a shapeless light that steadily grew brighter. The darkness slowly split, and then I was awake. The light drenched my bedroom. It moved, dipped, disappeared completely. The gloom returned. I sat up, felt around for my glasses. Without warning the light came back brighter than before. I rushed across the room, made it to the window and opened the threadbare curtain. The transport was parked right outside, headlights drowning me in their cold blue beams. I shielded my eyes and had a better look.

Tobe was sitting cross-legged on the roof, the girl next to him.

‘What?’

I dropped the curtain, turned away, got dressed in the same clothes that I had worn to the Borough. I felt my way into the kitchen, struck a flame, lit a lantern. I groaned, barely aware I was doing so—the pain of my earlier shock had left me heavy and slow.

‘You get a cuppa on?’

I turned at Tobe’s voice. He still wore his body armour, was still a deadly shadow. All my nagging questions and suspicions returned, only to be blotted out by the sight of the girl trailing behind him. Someone had found an over sized pair of coveralls for her, the sleeves cut off. She was still barefoot. Someone had also taken the time to bathe her; her skin was copper brown tinged with red, her jet-black hair full of tangles.

She could have been an ordinary girl.

‘G’day, Tobe.’

I looked at the girl. ‘And, yeah, g’day.’

Nothing. I gave up, led them into the kitchen and poured three glasses of cloudy water.

‘Here we are then.’

I ignored Tobe. I knew that it would be the last time we would start a ridiculous adventure from the comfort of my kitchen, knew that it was time to leave forever. Never again would I look over the valley or laze under the veranda or sleep under my own roof. All those years waiting, it didn’t seem real now that the time had come.

I couldn’t speak for fear of breaking down.

I picked up the lantern and left Tobe and the girl behind. Thankfully, they let me be. I sleepwalked from room to room, absently touching knick-knacks and trinkets, drifting through the house, trying to take it all in.

I took my time saying goodbye to the old girl.

‘You ‘right?’ Tobe asked when I was done.

I nodded. I didn’t look at him, didn’t want him to see me cry. He patted me on the shoulder, a feeble but sincere attempt at comfort. The girl stared at me, expressionless. I had no idea why she had tagged along. I also didn’t care—my grief welled, threatened to swamp me.

‘Fuck this.’

I knocked off my water and sat the cup down. I knew that would be the last time I would ever drink from it. For some reason, that hurt.

‘You guys should strip the garden. I’ll give you a hand to drain the tank when I’m done.’

My voice was hollow, the words coming automatically. I left Tobe and the girl to it, limped through the house, found my spare pack, crammed in some clothes, gathered up whatever ammunition I could find. I left my tools behind, hoping that Tobe hadn’t done the same. I dithered, decided against taking any more mementoes. I was saying goodbye—a clean break seemed right.

I couldn’t help myself and packed a few keepsakes.

As always, my hat was in its usual place, hanging on the rusty nail that had been hammered into the wall long before I had been born. I plucked it from the nail, put it on, pulled the nail itself from the wall and stuck it in my pocket.

It’s funny that the little things are sometimes the ones that affect us the most.

‘Are you done?’ Tobe was next to me, as sneaky as a spider. There was nothing but sorrow on his face.

‘Yeah, I reckon I am.’

‘Sorry, mate.’

I smiled softly. ‘Thanks.’

We walked outside—he headed for the transport, I shuffled off to the barn. The girl was squatting in the garden, digging in the dirt. She scooped out a handful of earth, rooted through it, and fished out a worm and a grub, then tucked them in her pocket. She completely ignored me. I made a mental note to ask Tobe what was what and why she was with us, and then shuffled on. I opened the barn, hung the lantern from a rafter, hurried over to the tank. I wasn’t sad about seeing the end of that place; one less reminder of bad memories is a good thing.

A roar echoed around me.

Tobe was already backing the transport in. A fog of exhaust had me coughing. The roar stopped but I kept coughing. Tobe jumped out and passed me a canteen.

‘Cheers.’

He was already dragging a hose out, connecting one end to the tank, hauling the other to the transport.

‘Anything I can do?’

‘Give us a hand here, would you?’

He jammed a broken pinch-bar into a latch on the side of the transport. We wrenched on it. Metal shrieked. The latch finally sprang open with enough force to throw us on our arses.

Tobe was already on his feet, feeding the hose into the space we had opened up.

He started the pump. Eventually, a dribble of water splashed back. Tobe was on it quick smart, pulling the hose from the transport and filling a dozen battered jerry cans he had found. When that was done, he hustled onto the transport’s roof.

‘What are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas?’

I passed him the first jerry can, my body creaking like a rusty windmill. He strapped it down. I passed him another.

‘Why do I always get the shit jobs?’

‘Shut your yap, we’re almost done.’

After a while, Tobe secured the last jerry can and jumped down to the ground. He flung open the transport’s side door. I stuck my head in—the girl sat on the floor, sorting through the meagre efforts of my garden. Cactus paddles, prickly pears, desert limes, leathery figs, shrunken fruit, the snake I had killed a few days earlier, some berries from the bush behind the house that I hadn’t realised were edible.

It wasn’t much, but it would have to do.

‘How’s it going?’

The girl looked at me, didn’t speak, got back to work. The transport’s interior was packed with crates, strongboxes and more jerry cans. The tang of gasoline was strong. The tools I had been relying on Tobe to remember were strapped against the wall: a fence of shovels, axes, picks, saws.

‘Is the kitchen sink in there too?’

He didn’t laugh.

‘Did you get any sleep?’ I asked.

‘A couple of hours, enough to see me through.’

Typical… I looked at the girl again. I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I had been dying to ask. ‘What’s with you two?’

Tobe frowned. ‘First things first, her name’s Ruby. And you shouldn’t worry about her—she was out in that wasteland a long time, I’m sure she’ll be fine riding in the back.’

‘She spoke, did she?’

‘A little.’

‘What did she say?’

His face grew cold. ‘This and that. Enough.’

‘Don’t give me that.’

He looked me in the eye. ‘Let’s just say that, thanks to a loving family, at least one person survived.’

I suddenly didn’t want to know; it was a familiar story. I broke Tobe’s dead gaze, turned away, trudged outside. The purple-black sky cast everything in a sombre glow. Even the wind seemed to be holding its breath.

I took a last look at my property. We all lose in the end.

‘Sorry, mate,’ Tobe said once again, joining me.

I knew he meant it. ‘Yeah, cheers.’ I looked at him. ‘One last thing.’

He smiled sadly and we tramped away, cutting through a paddock of dead grass, stopping at her grave.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said.

Some night-time animal howled. It seemed all too fitting.

‘But this is it, the day has come.’

I had first farewelled her a long time ago; I didn’t want to do it again. I burst into tears, unable to keep going. Tobe tactfully looked away. I slowly pulled myself together so he could say his piece.

‘Goodbye, love,’ he said. ‘I wish that you were here to come with us. Imagine that, the times we could have had…’

His voice was strangely calm, all his sadness in his face.

‘And I wish it hadn’t been like this. There isn’t a day that I’m not sorry for what happened.’ He kneeled, lowered his head. ‘But you know that,’ he whispered.

Her tombstone loomed over him, casting him in the shadow of an angel carved from stone.

_________

The transport’s cabin was crowded with junk—faded maps, a tarnished compass, a pair of broken binoculars, possum skins of bush tobacco and wild weed, battered canteens. I had to dig deep to find a seat.

‘It didn’t take you long to settle in,’ I complained, kicking aside the detritus at my feet.

‘There’s no place like home.’ Tobe’s voice was soft.

I didn’t ask if he was okay; I knew better. He slipped the transport into gear, flicked the headlights on and started the engine.

‘You right back there?’ he said over his shoulder, his voice a little louder.

‘No worries,’ Ruby replied.

And away we went. A wicked laugh came from deep in Tobe’s belly as we crossed the paddock—being back on the road seemed to shake his dark mood. Dust plumed behind us, dug from the churned earth of our tyre tracks. We shot through the driveway gate and turned onto the road. Tobe floored the accelerator as we straightened up. I couldn’t help shutting my eyes.

‘You bloody sook…’

‘Piss off.’

‘Now, now, not in front of the kids.’

I opened my eyes.

Tobe turned his head, looked into the back. ‘You okay?’

‘You bet.’

A tree loomed in front of us as we drifted across the road. I reached over, corrected our course.

‘Cheers,’ Tobe said, turning back, taking the wheel.

He revved the engine harder, throwing me into my seat. The world passed in a blur of green-brown-grey shapes. Tobe gestured for me to roll him some bush tobacco. I strained forward, scooped up one of the possum skins. The deep thrum that had drummed into my bones was replaced by a quieter burr as we turned onto the highway and swapped dirt for bitumen. I stared out the window; the ruined town had assumed a sad beauty.

Tobe let go of the wheel, patted his pockets, found his lighter, then tossed it over. I dropped it, of course—clumsy as always. It fell to my feet, and I banged my head on the dashboard as I bent to pick it up.

‘Dickhead.’

I lit Tobe’s bush tobacco in a dignified silence and then passed it over. The smoke shrouded his face. I was about to ask how he could see when he braked with a squeal, once again throwing me back in my seat.

‘Last stop, the pub.’

Ruby laughed, clear and bright. I unbuckled, jumped out, hurried along. Red and Blue were asleep on their blanket by the door. I was half-convinced that they hadn’t moved since I had seen them last. Red woke with a start, met my eye, barked half-heartedly, curled up against his sister, went back to sleep.

I looked around. The pub was dark, quiet. Something was wrong…

‘Bill, mate, hold your horses,’ Tobe shouted, hurrying ahead.

Ruby joined him, helping block the way.

‘What?’

‘Look, don’t get too excited.’

I tensed. They held their ground.

‘It’s just, ah… Fuck it—I wasn’t very convincing last night.’

‘You what?’

Ruby reached up, tugged on Tobe’s arm and smiled an inscrutable smile.

‘Right you are,’ he said. To her, not to me.

‘What’s going on?’ I asked.

‘Why don’t you take a look?’

He waved me on. I flung open the door—the only other person in the pub was Louise, standing behind the bar, forlorn and worn out. Tobe had no doubt spent a while expressing his displeasure.

‘Lou, wonderful to see you again,’ I finally managed to say, pulling myself together.

‘You too, Bill.’ Her voice was sad. She avoided my eye.

I sat at the bar. She still didn’t look at me.

‘Where is everyone?’ I asked, unable to help myself.

Louise looked me in the eye, answering my question with a shrug.

‘This is it,’ Tobe said, sidling up next to me. ‘Two shots and some water, thanks Lou. And fix the room up while you’re at it.’

He started laughing, then stopped so sharply that the silence left behind seemed to suck the air away.

‘Bastards,’ he said.

‘Yeah, bastards,’ Ruby mimicked.

‘Good for you,’ Louise said to her, sitting our drinks down and pouring one for herself.

I took my shot and held it up. The others took theirs and did the same.

‘Here’s to us.’

We drank in a shared melancholia. Tobe finished first, slamming his glass upside-down on the bar. Louise and Ruby quickly followed suit. I lingered over mine, not wanting the moment to end, not wanting to say the last goodbye.

‘Well, no use sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves,’ Tobe said when my glass had joined the rest.

He jumped out of his seat and hurried outside. Ruby was by his side so quick they seemed attached at the hip. When they were gone, Louise took the seat next to mine.

‘What happened?’ I asked her.

She gave me a look that made me feel two feet tall. ‘No one else showed. How much clearer does it have to be?’

I looked around the empty room. ‘No one?’

‘No one.’

‘I thought at least a couple of people would show. As much as we all love this place, it isn’t worth dying for.’

‘Most of them don’t plan on staying and fighting.’

‘So what are they going to do then? I know we’re all pretty tough, but tough enough to be on the road alone? I might sound biased, but out there, Tobe’s the man.’

‘You still believe that, after everything he’s put you through? Jesus, Bill… Last night, when that prick brought you in, we weren’t sure that you were going to make it. What happens next time you get hurt? What happens when he’s not there to save your arse?’

I said nothing. She was right. But no matter, so was I.

‘Well?’ she demanded.

I didn’t want to think about it; I didn’t want to know where my musing might take me. Desperate to change the topic, I stupidly tried to lighten the mood.

‘Well, at least there’ll be plenty of room for the four of us.’

She didn’t laugh, didn’t smile, didn’t meet my eye. ‘I’m sorry, Bill, but I’m not coming either.’

‘Bullshit,’ was all I could say.

‘No bullshit.’

I didn’t look at her. Why stay? Why? I couldn’t lose her too…

‘Haven’t you been listening? You weren’t there, Lou, you didn’t see what we saw. Whoever stays has no chance.’ I almost shouted the words, turning sadness into anger.

‘Bill…’

I cut her off. ‘Everyone who stays will die.’

‘Bill!’ She looked at me hard. Tears cut shining paths down her cheeks.

‘What?’

‘I’m not staying, either. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…’

‘Don’t.’

There are only two real ways of giving up. I knew Louise was smart enough to choose the less drastic option.

‘The camp’s the only choice I’ve got,’ she said.

Everything I had left fell away.

I reached for her. We held each other tight. I didn’t speak, neither did she. I felt her silent sobs in the heaving of her chest, felt the wet of her tears on my skin, and I cried with her.

I didn’t want it to end like this. How could she give in to them?

I was torn. I couldn’t follow her, not after everything they had done. Never. I held her tighter, breathed her in. She did the same. We wept. We both knew that our minds were made up; we were too stubborn, too alike. That made everything worse, left us wailing.

A muted cough broke our embrace.

‘I’m sorry,’ Tobe said, his voice soft, ‘but we’ve got to go.’

I looked at him. Louise didn’t.

‘I’m sorry. I’ll, uh, leave you both alone for a minute.’

He turned away and walked back outside. Red and Blue’s barks beat down the morning quiet; the roar of the transport smothered its limp body.

‘Bill?’

I looked at Louise. She had dried her eyes, managed a smile. I wiped my tears on my sleeve. She reluctantly let me go. It couldn’t be happening…

‘Good luck.’

I couldn’t speak, didn’t know what to say. And then her eyes twinkled in a so-familiar way.

‘Time for a last kiss?’

My answer was automatic. ‘Of course. But only as long as you don’t say goodbye.’

She wrinkled her face in a question.

‘Make it “catch you later” or “see you around” or some shit. Goodbye’s a bit heavy, don’t you reckon?’

‘Shut up and kiss me, dickhead.’

And so I did.

THIRTEEN

Hand in hand, we walked out into the sunshine; we had missed dawn. I squinted, the bright light blinding. Silently, Louise and I approached the transport. Tobe was already in the cabin, tactfully averting his eyes. Louise and I hugged a last time. I didn’t want to let her go; she playfully pushed me away.

‘Go on,’ she said.

Wishing it didn’t have to be like this, I threw open the passenger door and climbed inside. Ruby sat in the middle seat, pressed hard up against Tobe. It was hot in the cabin, the air thick and soupy.

‘Good girl,’ Louise said, leaning through the open window, ruffling Ruby’s hair. There was nothing patronising in her voice, no sarcasm or condescension. Ruby smiled shyly.

I looked at Louise, tried to put on the bravest of faces. ‘Well…’

Tobe looked away as Louise and I kissed a last time. Ruby stared at us, seemingly unembarrassed. Red and Blue barked from over the back. The engine hummed. For a moment, time stopped.

Louise broke away and stepped back. She looked at Tobe. She looked at Ruby. She didn’t look at me.

‘Good luck,’ she said, addressing Tobe.

‘Same to you. Take it easy out there, all right?’

‘You bet.’

‘See you round, then.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Louise said, finally looking at me.

I mouthed the words: ‘Me too.’

Tobe shifted the transport into gear and revved the engine. I started to cry. So did Louise, but that didn’t stop her from walking away.

And then we were off, heading west once again.

The town disappeared behind us, the ramshackle buildings giving way to empty paddocks. No one spoke; for that I was grateful. I blinked, and another piece of home was gone forever. I barely cared—it was nothing compared to what I had just lost.

The empty Loddon River and the ruined bridge appeared before us. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t take it anymore.

The transport swung left, the road quickly growing rough. I felt Ruby grab my knee, figured that she was doing the same to Tobe’s. The shriek of branches scraping at the transport told me that we had left the road and started bush-bashing. I kept my eyes closed. At some point, the shrieking stopped and the transport pitched forward. I braced myself on the dashboard, my eyes flicking open. Ruby was suffering in silence; Tobe was trying to wrestle the transport down into the riverbed.

So much for the ford…

Tobe cursed again and again as we bounced around like bugs in a jar: fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck.

He managed to right the transport; we started climbing the far riverbank, fighting hard to crest the peak, the wheels gripping hard, the engine snarling. The engine suddenly screamed and then we were free, coasting across an empty paddock, going from struggling to strutting in seconds.

Tobe laughed.

Ahead, I could make out an old highway. An insignificant ribbon dwarfed by featureless paddocks of bleached-yellow grass, sad and alone without even a wreck for company. I reached forward, grasping for a possum skin of bush tobacco. Ruby pushed something into my hand. I opened my palm, found a misshapen smoke. When I stuck it between my lips, it threatened to unravel. She passed another to Tobe, then tried to get his lighter working.

‘Cheers,’ I said.

She didn’t answer, still struggling with the lighter. I took it from her, lit up and watched the world pass by, deep in a melancholy funk. One of the dogs started barking, I couldn’t tell which.

‘Shut it, Blue,’ Tobe yelled.

Blue whined pathetically. Ruby smiled sympathetically. Tobe matched her smile and went all in.

‘Go on, then.’

She slithered through the hatch connecting the cabin to the back, crashing to the floor. She didn’t cry out. Tobe let her be. We cruised along a while in silence, before turning onto the old highway.

‘That’s more like it,’ Tobe said, pushing the engine harder.

My loss still sat heavily in my heart. I tried hard to squash it down—I had to stay sharp now that we had left the safety of town behind.

‘So, what’s the plan?’ I asked in a desperate attempt to think about something other than my sadness.

Tobe didn’t even blink. ‘We head south, try for the bay, maybe even for the cape. They still get a bit of rain down there, and there’s plenty of forest, too. We wouldn’t be short for food and cover.’

I was dubious; it was a really long way. But I didn’t argue. In for a penny and all that…

‘No worries.’

Tobe smiled. We kept going. Burnt paddocks hugged the highway, bordered by fences of rusting barbed wire, weathered posts, and crumbling rocks. A cool breeze blew through the cabin, keeping some of the heat at bay. If I hadn’t been so down, I would have thought it a beautiful day for a drive.

‘Grab the map,’ Tobe said. ‘Let’s figure out a way through the hills.’

Happy for the distraction, I rifled through the junk covering the dashboard. I found a stack of maps, held each up in turn, pulled out the right one after much searching.

‘Right, if you take a butcher’s you’ll see that I jotted down some notes.’

The brittle paper threatened to crumble to dust in my lap. Strange symbols had been drawn in, cutting roads in two or blotting out entire towns.

‘What’s this?’

Tobe stole a glance. ‘The doodles that look like trees, they’re trees that are blocking roads. The doodles that look like cars, they’re cars. Those big smears, well… Do I have to go on?’

I couldn’t see anything that looked like a tree or a car. Art was never Tobe’s thing.

_________

We crossed the barren land, the transport easily coping with the rough surface of the old highway. My spirits slowly lifted. Before too long, Tobe and I were lost in the joy of a meandering drive, looking at the world with little-boy eyes. Once or twice, Ruby laughed loudly, happily playing with the dogs. Each time, Tobe and I grinned stupidly.

The hours crawled along. Every now and then, my sadness returned.

We barely spoke as the road wormed through the bush and cut through the bare paddocks. I rolled bush tobacco, passed Tobe water when he asked, occasionally offered to drive. He declined, every single time. I checked the map every now and then, at some point directing us onto an unobstructed back road. Of course, unobstructed didn’t mean smooth or easy; deep cracks zigzagged across the blacktop.

‘There’s nothing this baby can’t handle.’

Tobe patted the steering wheel as we flew over the cracks and kept on, our course a twisting snake. Tobe had done his research; every road that was clear on the map was clear in real life. But to find a way south we had to keep doubling back, taking tracks through dense scrub or dirt roads that seemed to lead nowhere. The transport shook constantly, sometimes so hard that we had to yell at each other. When the bush spat us out and the road once again cut through bare paddocks, the light was so bright that we had to slow down a little to get a grip.

‘Wouldn’t want to get lost out here.’

‘Shit yeah.’

‘Yeah, shit yeah,’ Ruby called from the back.

Soon, the bush swallowed us back up, the sunlight a dappled shimmer through the patchy canopy. At some point, we started passing through towns so small as to barely be there, ruined houses and crumbling memorials to a forgotten war the only signs of civilisation. In some of the towns, the houses still stood proud, the damage purely cosmetic. Some of the ‘Welcome to Wherever’ signs we saw were a little too clean, still easily readable. For a long period of time, there wasn’t a single wreck to be seen.

Something felt wrong. Nerves frayed, we opened up the engine and shot through.

‘I’ve got to take a piss,’ Tobe said once we had put a fair bit of distance between ourselves and the towns.

I was glad he had said so; I had stiffened from sitting so long.

Tobe slowed the transport as the bush around us began thinning out to a clearing. A cracked concrete picnic table sat next to a pile of rubble, all that was left of an ancient public toilet. Nailed to a tree was a faded sign declaring the clearing a mineral spring, in case anyone missed the rusty water pump hidden behind the rubble.

We stopped and jumped out.

The air was dry. Flies swarmed us. Tobe threw open the side door and the dogs ran free.

Ruby hopped down, her eyes wary. She looked left and right, seemed satisfied, then looked up at Tobe. ‘What’s up?’

‘How about you keep an eye out’—he waved at the bush—‘while I do my business?’

‘No worries.’

‘Good girl.’

Just as with Louise, there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm or condescension in his voice. There was only pride. The reminder of Louise saddened me, brought it all back. I looked away, tried to think of anything but the face I would never see again.

I heard Ruby scamper off into the bush, following Red and Blue. I left Tobe to do his thing, wandered around trying to distract myself.

‘Tobe!’ I yelled, drawing up to the water pump.

‘Hang on a sec.’

The pump itself looked as dry as dust. But you never know your luck; the dirt around it was darker than that by the road, the flat tang of mineral water spoiled the air. I took a step forward and Tobe clamped his hand on my shoulder, surprising me, stopping me dead.

‘Hold your horses, Bill. You can’t be too paranoid out here.’

He started poking his rifle into the discoloured earth. Everything seemed normal. He increased the pressure and the ground simply gave way. Tobe grabbed my arm before I could follow it down; he knew how clumsy I was.

‘Come on, let’s go.’

I nodded, trying to forget the sight of the sharpened stakes and broken glass that covered the bottom of the pit.

‘Ruby! Blue! Red! Come on, stop fucking about!’ Tobe called, already back at the transport.

The dogs burst out of the bush, sprawled on the road, hot and happy. Ruby smiled blissfully, a beautiful thing to see.

‘Get in! Now!’

Ruby and the dogs caught on. Tobe and I rushed back to the cabin and jumped in. We sped away, the engine roaring. I urged Tobe to put on more speed nonetheless.

‘What was that?’ I asked.

‘A Punji trap.’

‘Sorry?’

‘Basically, a horrible way to die.’

‘Mate, there was nothing about it on the map.’

‘Yeah, sorry—I haven’t been out this way in ages.’

‘Creeps, you reckon?’

‘Something like that’s too clumsy. Anyway, why would they bother?’

‘First Country, then?’

‘It’s not their style. You know what they’re like—if we don’t fuck with them, they won’t fuck with us.’

‘Fair enough. But it has to be someone…’

‘Yeah, probably an old farmer or some shit. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were holed up in one of those towns we passed.’

I raised my eyebrows. ‘Who’d live out here?’

And then I looked around at the parched land that dwarfed us. It was pretty much the same as home.

We fell silent and drove on. Eventually, I realised that we had steadily been climbing higher; behind us, through the breaks in the bush, I could see to the horizon—a parched land of dying trees, bleached grass, dead towns.

A world of thirst and ruin that sprawled as far as we could see.

We climbed higher still.

The bush slowly became thicker and lusher, fed by underground springs. Trees once again scraped at the transport. The shimmering light never changed as we crawled over the peak and started our descent. Tobe gripped the wheel with both hands, trying not to miss a bend, trying not to send us into a ravine.

And then we shot out into open land.

Tobe floored the accelerator; we rocketed across another bare paddock. I had no idea where we were. I looked down at the map. Whichever forgotten shire we were passing through had faded to nothing, lost in a fold.

‘Shit.’

I saw Tobe’s eyes flick away from the road. I scooped up his rusty binoculars. The way ahead looked clear, the land on both sides empty. Far in the distance, a line of bush cut across the horizon.

‘Ruby!’

As quick as a striking snake, she slithered back through the hatch.

‘Give Bill a hand, will you? Two heads are better than one.’

She looked at him strangely.

‘What he means is…’

She rolled her eyes at me.

I passed her the binoculars. She took them, scanning the way ahead without saying a word. I kept my eyes on the land in case something broke its monotony. An unforgiving place, it made our trek seem futile, ridiculous, insignificant.

When Ruby cried out, I was grateful to have something else to think about.

Wrecked vehicles loomed ahead, cutting across the highway. Tobe kept our speed up until we were close enough to see them properly. There were too many to count, blocking the road completely, a solid wedge of rusting steel.

‘Bugger this.’

Tobe revved the engine, nudging the transport against an abandoned ute. He revved harder; the transport’s bull-bar crumpled the ute’s passenger side. We dug in, slowly shoved it aside. Tobe steered the transport through the gap, barrelled aside more wrecks, and drove straight over the top of others. Ruby and I kept watching the road ahead.

After much pushing and shoving, we cleared the wrecks.

‘About bloody time.’

Far in the distance, the highway curved, disappearing into the steadily thickening bush. The road until then was dead straight; Tobe opened up the transport. I occasionally leaned out the window, double-checking something that had caught my eye, hoping to spot a rusty, bullet-ridden sign welcoming us to wherever.

‘Don’t bother,’ Tobe said. ‘I think we’re in a national park.’

‘As if there’s a difference.’

He laughed, slowly at first and then harder and harder. It was contagious, soon we were howling together.

‘What’s so funny?’ Ruby asked.

We laughed some more. Tobe wiped tears from his eyes. Somehow, he kept the transport under control. But our mirth faded as the highway curved and the thick bush swallowed us up into its shadowy world. Tobe cut our speed as the road started twisting through the towering trees. We crawled for a long time before the road straightened back out.

‘Shit.’

Ruby drew the word out, leaning forward with the binoculars hard against her eyes. Tobe looked at me, raising his eyebrows. I didn’t know what he wanted.

‘Have a look, dickhead.’

Ruby wordlessly held the binoculars up.

‘It’s all right, Tobe. It’s just an old bridge and a few more wrecks,’ I said, doing as he said.

We slowed, stopped at the bridge, jumped out. Trees grew thickly around us, hugging both sides of the road. We must have been on an aquifer; they formed a solid wall, casting us in deep shadow. The pounding sun was far away, hidden by the canopy, robbed of its ferocity.

There was no birdsong. The world sighed as the wind blew.

‘Right, then.’

Ruby and I stood to one side as Tobe rolled an enormous rock onto the road. I crouched next to him, helped him lift it. Tobe nodded at the bridge. A wrecked firetruck and a rusted-out bus sat in the middle, cutting it in two. Sunlight drenched us, the empty river below cutting a bright scar through the dark land.

‘One, two, three.’

We threw the rock as hard as we could. It landed with a thump, rolled a little, came to rest beside the firetruck. The bridge barely shook. Tobe picked up another rock, threw it at the bus. The crash of shattering glass echoed through the trees.

‘Let’s go. Ruby, stay behind me.’

But she had already darted onto the bridge. Red and Blue dashed past her, running their guts out in pure dog joy, disappearing from view. The wrecks threw Ruby in shadow; we soon lost sight of her as well.

‘Shit.’

We jumped back into the cabin. Tobe started the transport, edged the front wheels onto the bridge. It sagged a little but held. I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. I kept an eye out for Ruby. Tobe inched us forward, so slowly that you would swear we weren’t moving. The bridge moaned as old wood strained.

‘Come on, what are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas?’ Ruby had Tobe’s drawl down pat.

She had climbed on top of the bus and was doing a handstand. I whistled low, couldn’t help feeling old. To see it all as simply the way it is, instead of as it was, instead of as the wreckage of a forgotten world, what bliss that would be.

I sighed deeply. Tobe muttered under his breath.

Ruby smiled wide, finishing her routine by somersaulting to the ground. She bowed low and then darted further along the bridge.

‘Better get a wriggle on, I guess.’

I felt the same weary regret that filled Tobe’s voice. I tried to ignore it. We pulled up to the firetruck, wedged our bull-bar against it. Once again, we dug in and pushed hard. It started to move, leaving rubber behind. After much grinding effort we pulled free, only to snag the bus on our rear bumper. The engine whined, the transport weighed down by our newfound load.

‘Come on.’

Tobe floored the accelerator, forcing us forward. The engine screamed and then stalled. I leaned out the window to look at the damage; we were hauling a load of twisted metal that exuded the acrid taint of petrol. Somehow, the bus’s fuel tank had been punctured; a thin trail was dribbling down its side, pooling on the road. I turned back. Ruby was watching us from the far end of the bridge. She raised a hand. Tobe started the engine and pushed us forward before I could stop him. A fireworks show of sparks appeared in the rear-view mirror as the bus—still snagged on our rear bumper—collapsed on its wheel hubs and started scraping along the road. Tobe revved the engine harder. We shot free. The transport stalled again.

‘Look out!’ Ruby yelled.

In the rear-view mirror, tongues of flame were leaping off the bus. Cold sweat drenched me. Tobe was cursing to himself, trying hard to get the transport started. Horrified, unable to stop myself, I looked back at the wrecks. Tobe screamed Ruby’s name, telling her to run. Flames reached the bus. It exploded with a thunder that drove everything else away.

It happened too quickly. It happened too slowly.

Through the dust and smoke, I saw that the explosion had blown a hole in the bridge, a hole big enough to cast both wrecks into the empty river. A deep tearing sound came from below us, as if the world itself was cracking open. The transport lurched, its rear end dropping, throwing us back into our seats. Cracks were racing across the surface of the bridge, splitting it apart, raining more rubble onto the dry riverbed.

‘Come on, you bastard.’

The engine didn’t catch. I knew it wouldn’t. A crack in the surface of the bridge caught up to us, raced underneath us. I said nothing. I didn’t have to; Tobe was watching it as well.

‘You’d better buckle up, mate.’

I got back into my seat and did as he said. The transport lurched again.

FOURTEEN

The bridge gave way. Wood snapped, concrete crumbled, metal buckled and cracked. We fell. Tobe smiled grimly, tucking himself into a ball within the safety of his seatbelt. I reached for the door to try to brace myself. It was gone, torn off without me even noticing. Without warning, the transport started tumbling, end over end. A distant part of me realised that I was holding onto the old rusty nail that my hat used to hang upon, clutching it tight like it was a rosary or a rabbit foot. The transport kept tumbling. I screamed. Tobe stoically kept his mouth shut, but then we hit a tree that hung over the empty river and he started screaming as well. Something tore into my leg, digging deep.

I screamed again. I blacked out.

Tobe’s stifled cries brought me back. My eyes wouldn’t open, the lids stuck fast. I pulled my glasses off. Somehow, they had made it through the fall. I prised my eyelids open, slipped my glasses back on. Tobe was ramming his shoulder against a piece of wreckage, his left arm hanging useless and wrong. Red and Blue lay at his feet, watching him with worried eyes. I tried to wave, saw that my fingers were wet with blood.

I felt more blood dribble down my neck.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t sit up. I craned my neck. Tobe rammed his shoulder a last time; he let loose his agony as his useless arm popped back into place. A gaping trench peeled his forehead apart. His nose was bent at an obscene angle. He took hold of the crooked thing, snapped it back into place with a squelch.

He didn’t cry out. ‘Right, what’s next? Ah…’

He limped my way, Red and Blue at his heels.

‘Bill? You with us?’

I groaned, gave him a pathetic thumbs-up. ‘Thanks for saving my arse, again.’

He looked at me strangely. ‘Don’t thank me, I didn’t do shit. Ruby put in the hard yards.’

I craned my neck again. Ruby was darting through the forest of twisted metal and broken concrete, beating out spot fires with an old blanket.

‘Cheers, Ruby.’

She turned at her name, smiled, turned back, kept working. ‘You owe me one,’ she yelled over her shoulder.

I let my head fall back. My legs were wet, my pants clinging to me. With numb horror, I saw that the gnarled tip of a broken branch was sticking out of my thigh. I stupidly leaned forward, tried to shoo away the flies buzzing around it. Barely aware of what I was doing, I tried to wrench my leg free.

The pain broke its banks and capsized me.

‘Bill?’

Once more, Tobe’s voice brought me back. I opened my eyes; he was squatting next to me, wrapping a makeshift bandage around my wound.

Blue ran up, sniffed at the broken branch.

‘Get out of it!’

Blue bounded off into the bush in search of her kin.

‘Here, bite on this.’ Ruby was standing over me, offering me a piece of wood wrapped in a dirty strip of cloth. ‘It’ll help.’

I relented. She crouched beside me and lay her hands on my shoulders.

‘You ready?’ Tobe asked.

I nodded. Tobe took a firm hold of my leg. Ruby pinned me down.

‘One, two, three.’

Tobe wrenched on my leg. I blacked out again.

‘Mate, this is becoming a bad habit.’

For the third time, Tobe’s voice brought me back. I couldn’t speak. The world was blurred at the edges, like it had been suspended in oil. I looked at the debris filling the riverbed, at the mangled mess of my left leg, at Tobe’s wounds, at the purple glow of dusk’s approach. These things were all hazy before my unfocused eyes. They meant nothing. The pain I had felt earlier was now somewhere far away, as light as a summer cloud.

‘Bill?’

I groaned, any other kind of answer beyond me. I smacked my lips, my throat dry. Tobe held a canteen to my mouth. I swallowed greedily.

‘More,’ I croaked.

Tobe tipped the canteen again. The fuzziness slowly started to pass.

‘You all right?’

‘What do you reckon?’

His smile shrivelled up. ‘I’m serious.’ He was never very good at sincerity.

‘To be honest, I’ve no idea. What did you do to me?’

‘Wasn’t me, mate. Blame her.’

He pointed at Ruby, who was methodically picking through the remains of our irreplaceable possessions.

‘Ruby!’

She turned to look at him.

‘What was it you gave Bill?’

A guarded smile crossed her face. ‘Just some herbs I found nearby. They’ll wear off soon, but I’ve got more if he needs them.’

It was the most I had ever heard her say.

‘You’re welcome,’ she yelled over her shoulder.

‘Ruby was good enough to pack your wound, too,’ Tobe added. ‘That’s another one you owe her.’

I had a close look. The hole had been cleaned and stuffed with thick green leaves that oozed a viscous fluid. I tried to thank her, but she had already dashed away to another blanket of debris.

For a moment, Tobe and I looked at each other without speaking, letting the ridiculousness of our situation sink in. We hadn’t even been on the road a day; from the cosy confines of the pub to a world of wreckage and flame in less than a turn of the earth.

We started laughing. What else could we do?

‘What’s so funny?’ Ruby called out.

She seemed unfazed by everything. I suppose if that was the only world you had ever known, then nothing was really that strange. Once again, I felt suddenly old.

‘It’s been a long day, that’s all.’

She didn’t understand that, either. We laughed a little longer. I decided to try to move.

‘You sure?’ Tobe asked.

I nodded, reached up, took his hand. ‘She’ll be ‘right.’

She wasn’t ‘right: Tobe heaved and I buckled.

‘You blokes are useless,’ Ruby yelled, striding over, carrying a long forked branch.

I finally made it up, wobbling on my good leg. Ruby passed me the branch. The fork was snug in my armpit; I had to stoop.

‘Aren’t we a sad bunch of bastards?’

Tobe’s question didn’t need an answer.

I couldn’t help staring at the gash in his forehead. When he caught me doing so, he rolled his balaclava down to cover it, wincing in pain. I could feel Ruby’s eyes on the back of my head. I tore a strip off my shirt to wrap the wound. She turned away, keen to get back to her hunt. Tobe followed her. I stumbled after them.

Ruby had done well—she had found plenty of stuff that wasn’t completely ruined, including a working rifle. But most of it wasn’t worth the effort. Crates of ammunition and a lot of tools—shovels, picks, axes, saws, crowbars—they were all too heavy to carry. A few jerrycans of petrol had survived, useless now that the transport was dead. Its water tank had been punctured; its precious cargo slowly leaking out. Luckily, Ruby had also found an intact crate of canteens. What she hadn’t found were any backpacks.

Once more, she saved us.

She snatched up a tattered hessian bag that had survived the fall. Without regard for sentiment, she started emptying it, dumping spare clothes at her feet. She dove into the pile, tearing some things apart, unpicking others, tying sleeves and hems together, occasionally reaching back into the bag to find something new to work with.

She eventually pulled out a long white dress wrapped in crumbling plastic.

‘That’s enough!’ Tobe yelled.

He snatched the dress from Ruby. You couldn’t read anything in her Mona Lisa smile. Tobe broke her gaze. She got back to work.

‘Want a smoke before we set off?’ I suggested, trying to distract him.

He was staring into the distance, crushing the dress in his hands. ‘Yeah,’ he said softly.

He squatted. I stayed standing, knowing too well that if I sat back down I would be done for. Tobe surprised me by pulling a crumpled joint from his pocket. It wasn’t really the best way to stay sharp, when you’re lost and injured and far from home. But I didn’t say anything—it had been a long day.

He lit up, took a few drags. ‘You want?’ he asked.

I gave in. We got a little stoned, slowly making peace with our predicament. In silence, we watched Ruby do her thing. If she minded our indulgence, she didn’t let on.

‘Ta-da!’ she shouted when she was done, bouncing to her feet. She held up three patchwork sacks, sleeves and pant-legs tied together as straps.

‘Good one.’

‘Where would you fellas be without me?’

Tobe and I avoided her loaded question. Fucked is where we would have been.

‘Come on, no use smoking the rest of the day away.’

We did as she said. Broken and hobbled, I was relegated to holding the sacks open. Food and water were the priorities; soon, the first sack was bulging with what Ruby had scavenged. Into the others went some spare clothes, some spare ammunition, and the precious wedding dress.

When Ruby helped me hoist a sack over my shoulder, I collapsed under it.

‘Dickhead,’ Tobe said, helping me back to my feet.

I gingerly looked over my mangled leg. It was okay, I hadn’t done any further damage.

‘Let’s try that again,’ he said with a laugh.

‘Piss off.’

Ruby quickly put a stop to our familiar ways. ‘Get your bloody act together! Tobe, give me your rifle.’

Embarrassed, he passed it over.

‘Now, take both sacks.’

He started to argue but she cut him off.

‘What, aren’t you man enough?’

The perfect insult for someone like him—he puffed out his chest, threw one sack over his shoulder, picked up another, started strutting and taking the piss, staggering back and forth, pretending to buckle at the knee.

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever.’

He kept going. Ruby started laughing, started staggering with him, the two of them stumbling around like puppets with cut strings.

I gave in and laughed with them.

_________

The angry barking of Red and Blue brought us back to reality. Frenzied and growing more ferocious by the second, it cut through the quiet bush.

A high-pitched yelp provided the crescendo.

‘Red! Blue!’

Tobe’s call went unanswered.

‘Red! Blue!’

Nothing.

‘Come on, stop fucking around!’

Red burst out of the bush bordering the riverbed. He ran to Tobe, whining, and then looked back. Blue was emerging from the bush, limping, leaving a red wet trail behind. She half-fell down the riverbank. She collapsed at Tobe’s feet, whimpering.

I froze. Something in me had snapped; my ability to adjust and adapt had overloaded.

‘Blue!’

Tobe was cradling her, his fingers tracing paths over her body, his hands dripping with blood. He cried without seeming to notice. Blue shuddered, flinched away when Tobe touched her belly.

‘I need some help!’

Ruby was already comforting Red. She was crying as well, but unlike Tobe she had given in to it. I was dimly aware that one of us should be keeping an eye out for whatever had hurt Blue, but the thought was drowned out by my own numbness, by Tobe’s desperation and distress.

‘Mate, come on!’

I felt nothing: no sorrow, no sadness, no pity, just a blank detachment that separated me from the world. But still I moved, holding Blue like Tobe asked.

He cracked a canteen, washed her belly clean. ‘Fuck, no.’

Blue whimpered again, breathing fast. I stroked her head, scratched her behind her ears. Her breathing slowed dramatically. Her eyes rolled back.

‘Tobe!’

He was already beside me, taking over. ‘Come on, girl, you’ll be ‘right.’

We both knew that he was lying.

‘Come on, good girl, good dog.’

His tears and her blood pooled at his feet. He held her tight, arms wrapped around her in a familial embrace. Her eyes rolled open and she looked at him with pure love. She licked his face. He couldn’t help but smile.

She closed her eyes, shook a last time, and died in his arms.

Tobe collapsed over her body. Red howled. I cried, letting it all out. Ruby said nothing. Tobe stayed slumped over Blue’s motionless body. After a long time, he got to his feet.

Ghoulish fascination made me take a last look at Blue. Bullet holes peppered her belly.

‘Ruby? My gun.’

Ruby let go of Red. She got to her feet and unshouldered the rifle. Red ran to Blue, licked her face, nudged her with his snout.

‘Don’t move!’ an unexpected and unknown voice shouted.

Surprised, Ruby dropped the rifle. A metallic clicking cut through the quiet, the sound of a dozen or more guns being cocked. Tobe slowly raised his hands; Red quickly scuttled behind him. I raised my own hands, scared through and through. Ruby held her clenched fists at her side.

Shadowy figures started melting from the bush, their black body armour a perfect disguise, the dreaded letters CRP running down their chests. Moving as one, they silently strode down the riverbank.

‘What’s going on here?’ the lead Creep demanded.

Tobe tugged his balaclava lower onto his forehead, wincing once again. I looked at Ruby, tried to smile bravely.

‘I asked you bastards a question!’ the Creep spat.

‘Piss off,’ Tobe muttered.

‘Sorry, I didn’t catch that?’

‘I said “piss off”. What, are you deaf as well as stupid?’

And then he stood aside. Red went for the Creep’s throat, knocking him to the ground. His screams echoed through the trees. The other Creeps didn’t know what to do; they pointed their guns but couldn’t fire for fear of hitting their own. Some part of me was horrified, some part of me was glad.

Tobe smiled coldly.

‘For fuck’s sake!’ someone yelled.

Another Creep took charge, a bull-roo of a man. He holstered his gun. Without hesitation, he leapt on Red, grabbing him in a bear-hug, dragging him away from the ragged mess of the stricken Creep. Tobe took an involuntary step forward. Guns were thrust in his face, lots of them. He couldn’t do anything but watch as the bull-roo Creep picked Red up and threw him across the riverbed.

Before Red could scrabble to his feet, the Creep drew his gun and shot him dead. The tiny pop of the silenced pistol seemed too small a sound for what it had done.

‘Bastards…’

The Creep smiled. He raised his hand. ‘Hold your fire!’ he yelled, laughing and holstering his gun. ‘Come on, boy, show me what you’ve got.’

Tobe threw himself at the killer of his dog. He swung wildly, furious and unthinking. The Creep toyed with him, taunted him. Tobe managed to get a few punches in, more by luck than skill. The Creep, well fed and well trained, easily shrugged them off.

After a while, he tired of his game. He took a metal baton from his belt and hit Tobe hard enough to make him stay down.

Ruby and I were forced to watch.

‘Is that all you’ve got?’ Tobe asked through broken teeth.

He passed out. The Creep crouched down and pulled Tobe’s balaclava off. He clicked his fingers in the air. Another Creep threw him a canteen. He cracked it open, washed Tobe’s face, grabbed his scruff of hair, and lifted his head.

‘Fucking hell! Tobias Cousins, you cheeky bastard. I always wondered what happened to you.’

The Creep let Tobe’s head fall back. He stood up. He took a long drink of water. Without taking his eyes off me, he spat the water onto Red’s body.

‘Do you want a go?’ he asked.

My simmering rage began to bubble over. I took a step forward.

‘Well, what are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas?’

He had Tobe down pat. I didn’t stop to wonder why, and started a fight I knew I couldn’t win.

FIFTEEN

A rasping wind was all I could hear. I took a deep breath, coughed hard, and felt a cracked rib twinge. Everything flooded back—leaving home, saying goodbye to Louise, driving through the bush, riding out the collapsing bridge, seeing Red and Blue die, watching Tobe fight.

I had no memory of what happened after I threw myself at the bastard that killed Tobe’s dogs.

I forced my eyes open. I had no idea where I was.

I managed to sit up. My cracked rib twinged again, and was soon followed by a choir of other pains. I took stock of myself as best I could. Someone had stripped me of my tattered clothes, replacing them with a pair of ragged coveralls. Bandages covered my punctured leg, a splint strapped next to them. I reached up, felt bandages swaddling my head. I unbuttoned my shirt; my chest was a shiny bog of bruises.

‘Ugh.’

Lanterns hung from the wooden ceiling beams. Threadbare curtains covered the windows. Everything was dusty. Somewhat incongruously, I was surrounded by stainless-steel stands laden with plastic bags of fluid. They swayed slightly, like some kind of obscene foliage, the wind forcing its way through the innumerable cracks in the wooden walls. A motionless figure—a bull-roo of a man, his face covered in bandages—lay strapped to the trolley next to mine. Tobe lay on the next trolley along, snoring loudly.

I was relieved, despite all the trouble that he had caused me.

Tobe wore a stranger’s clothes as well. His left arm hung in a sling. One of his eyes was so puffy it had collapsed in on itself. He snorted in his sleep. He reached down and scratched his crotch. He rolled over, ending up on his injured arm.

‘Ah, fuck!’

He was instantly awake, rubbing his arm gingerly. I tried not to laugh but I couldn’t help myself. This time it was my turn to cry out, my cracked rib giving me one last chance.

‘Shit!’

‘Bill, mate, is that you?’

I laughed again, softer this time. My broken body allowed me that much.

Tobe jumped off his trolley, as easy as can be. ‘How’s it going?’ he asked.

‘How do you reckon?’

‘Mate, you’re not the only one who got the short end of the stick.’

I looked at him properly. Bruises mottled his skin. He wheezed every time he took a breath. He seemed to have trouble focusing on me, his good eye glassy. But at least he could walk.

‘You okay?’ he asked again.

Despite our presumably dire predicament, I wasn’t actually feeling too bad. The fact that it was once again the two of us against the world comforted me, no matter our injuries and setbacks.

‘I’m getting there. How about you?’

Tobe smiled. ‘You know me.’

‘Good one. So, how long was I out?’

‘About a week, give or take,’ he said, his voice trembling slightly.

I met Tobe’s eye. He looked like he was about to cry.

‘We weren’t sure that you were going to wake up,’ he said. ‘Fuck, mate, you had me worried. Bill, it’s good to see you…’

I was touched, but I didn’t want him to see my embarrassed smile and I didn’t want to see his tears. I turned away, looked around the room. Something was missing…

And then it clicked.

‘Hey, where’s Ruby?’

Tobe quickly pulled himself together. ‘She’s ‘right, mate, she’s out doing her thing. You know, it’s all part of the adventure.’

He laughed, parked himself on the edge of the trolley next to mine, ignoring its occupant.

‘She’s just a kid, Tobe, and one of those bastards shot your dogs right in front of her. That doesn’t sound like much of an adventure to me.’

This time, he wouldn’t meet my eye.

‘I know she’s just a kid, but she’s been through worse. You don’t give her enough credit, mate—she’s tough, tougher than us.’

‘But…’

‘Drop it, Bill, okay?’

And so I did. For a moment, neither of us spoke.

‘Where are we?’ I finally asked.

Apart from the three trolleys and their hanging gardens of fluid bags, there was no other furniture bar a stainless-steel cupboard and sink. The cracks in the walls let in shafts of light; dust motes filled the air. The wind blew. The whole room seemed to sway.

‘Well…’

A knock at the door interrupted Tobe’s answer. He somehow smirked and looked sad at the same time.

‘I think I’ll let the doc answer that.’

The door creaked open and a stooped figure shuffled in. The shocking white of his coat was made brighter still by the sheer darkness of his skin; his hair was as white as the coat he wore; wrinkles spread across his face like cracks across dry earth.

Tobe and I stared. He smiled at us, drew up to the windows, threw open the curtains. Sunlight flooded the room, hot and bright.

‘Ah, William, so good to see that you’re awake. Tobias, how are you?’ He drew up next to us, held out his hand.

‘I’m good, now that our boy’s awake,’ Tobe said, shaking his hand. ‘Thank fuck for that, eh?’

The doctor arched his eyebrows, his disdain for Tobe’s gutter mouth obvious.

‘Shit. Sorry, Doc.’ Tobe smiled innocently.

The doctor shook his head, feigning exasperation. ‘William, how are we on this fine day?’ he asked.

‘It’s Bill. Just Bill. Who are you?’

He smiled. ‘Dr Ishra Khan. But please, call me Ish.’

He took my arm. Methodically, he started removing the various tubes that connected me to the fluid bags. He took a grimy cloth from his pocket, uncorked a dirty bottle, tipped some foul-smelling fluid onto the cloth, wiped down each puncture mark.

His old-man hands didn’t shake in the slightest.

‘So, William, how do you feel?’ he asked, completely ignoring my earlier request.

‘I feel like a million bucks, Doc. I feel like I could run a bloody marathon. Far out, how do you think I feel?’

‘Bill, please.’

It was Tobe. My mouth clanged shut.

‘Bill, mate, bear with the Doc, all right?’

I nodded dumbly.

‘Cheers.’

Ishra made a show of checking an antique watch he wore. ‘I might have a suggestion,’ he said. ‘Tobias, if you would be so kind as to gather William’s things and meet us at the platform—we don’t have that long now.’

I looked at him quizzically.

‘You chose a good day to wake up,’ he said. ‘I was worried that we might have to carry you aboard.’

I frowned, completely lost. He ignored me, turned back to Tobe.

‘Ruby should be there soon, if she manages to work that old watch I gave her. If not, would you mind fetching her?’

‘No worries. But, Doc, try and be gentle with the big stuff, okay?’

I watched their exchange with incredulity, so far out of my depth that I couldn’t even see the bottom.

‘Bill, mate, try and take it easy.’ Once again, Tobe was somehow smirking and looking sad at the same time.

‘She’ll be ‘right,’ I said.

Tobe looked doubtful. I didn’t really believe my own words.

‘I’ll catch you later, then.’

‘No worries.’

He walked away, slamming the door behind him. Ishra joined me after a moment. At first, he seemed unsure where to start.

‘William?’ he asked tentatively.

‘What?’

‘Please, relax.’

‘Huh.’

‘Please. If your friend Tobias can trust me, surely you can too.’

I thought it over. ‘Okay, then,’ I said, knowing that I would regret it.

But what choice did I have?

‘Thank you. Now, it’ll be easier to answer your questions if we walk and talk, that way you can see for yourself. And that poor leg of yours needs a little exercise, otherwise it might lock up. Do you think you can manage that?’

He smiled warmly and I gave in. He took my hand. Despite his age, he had no trouble hauling me to my feet. My thigh burned. I steadied myself on the edge of the trolley. I waited an interminable moment while Ishra shuffled to the cupboard, pulled out an old-fashioned walking stick, shuffled back, passed it over.

I tested my weight, took a wary step.

‘Lead on, MacDuff,’ I said.

‘I believe you mean “lay on”, though I hate to presume.’

He smiled softly. He turned away and walked out the door, swallowed alive by the white-hot sunshine. I shielded my eyes, hobbled after him, and crossed the threshold.

‘Bullshit,’ I said, not knowing what else to say.

Ishra didn’t criticise my choice of words. Fair enough, too—we were facing a concrete plain that stretched for hundreds of metres, enclosed by a semicircular jumble of ruined houses. Faint lines and arrows marked the concrete, almost lost beneath the dust. A few wrecked vehicles were all that broke the emptiness. The heat was stifling.

Nothing natural caught my eye, not even a fly.

‘I call it home,’ Ishra said bitterly.

I looked back at the building we had left. The makeshift sickbay was nothing more than a worn-out weatherboard shack. On either side of it, more shacks interspersed with rough wooden sheds formed an incredibly long wall of derelict buildings. They were all on the way to ruin, ready to fall down and return to the earth.

‘What is this place?’

Ishra gestured for me to follow him, skirting the derelict buildings. He shuffled, I limped—we complemented each other perfectly.

‘This remarkably ugly complex is officially known as CRP Transfer Station 14. Unofficially, like I said, I call it home… And I’m sorry to say that you and your friends are my guests. It’s a much more polite word than prisoner, don’t you think?’

‘Now hang on a…’

‘Please, William, if you don’t mind…’

I nodded begrudgingly. I shut my mouth. The look on Ishra’s face was so pleading I couldn’t do otherwise.

‘This place wasn’t always so empty. Not that I’m glad for that. At the height of the troubles, it teemed with life. Creeps, refugees, holdouts, support crew—they all called it home too.’

I couldn’t help notice his use of the word Creep.

‘As you can see, they weren’t happier times.’

We had stopped outside an enormous steel shed, a building that was almost a warehouse or a hangar. There were no windows. The door was unlocked. Ishra pushed—it gave with a harsh scrape and we stepped into darkness. The heat was incredible. Ishra fumbled at the wall. Nothing happened. I stood speechless. Electric lights built into the ceiling slowly flickered on, revealing an enormous, cavernous space. Filling the space were rows of cells, dozens of them, each cell only ten feet square. There must have been hundreds of them in total; they were all empty except for a steel bench and a sink.

We breathed in an animal stink—the smell of blood, vomit, piss, and shit.

Absolutely overwhelmed, I couldn’t speak. Ishra turned away. He killed the lights, plunging the room back into darkness. Outside, the light reflecting off the concrete plain was almost enough to burn away the horror I had just seen.

I tottered, the pain in my thigh flaring suddenly. I was glad for the distraction.

‘Are you okay?’

I nodded, gripping my walking stick tighter.

‘Very good. Come along, then, we don’t want to be late.’

I looked at him stupidly. ‘Late for what?’

‘Ah, yes, of course. You must forgive me, age has taken its toll. The train, William, we don’t want to miss the train. After all, it’s the only reason this place is here.’

‘What train?’

‘The train to the camp, of course. There’s only one train nowadays.’

He fell silent and shuffled on. I let him be, let his lonely old-man mind take him where it needed. All I could think about was the camp.

The camp, after all this time. I hoped Tobe had a plan.

Ishra and I kept following the wall of derelict buildings, slowly approaching a grandiose townhouse that seemed in better repair than all the others in the complex. Standing at a right angle to the derelict wall, it marked one end of the semicircular jumble of ruined houses that enclosed the concrete plain.

I whistled low and limped ahead. My thigh ached, my chest burned; when I stopped by the townhouse, I almost collapsed. I rested, drank some water, and caught my breath. I had to stand on tiptoe to look through a window.

That hurt, considering the state of my leg.

The little of the room that I could see twinkled, thanks to candlelit lamps and ornate lanterns. It was also stuffed full of treasure—overstuffed leather couches, statues and sculptures, gilded sideboards, heavy-framed paintings, even a gramophone, its brass horn dull. The bookshelves groaned they were packed so full; glass cabinets held jewellery; the mantelpiece above the wrought-iron fireplace was crowded with knick-knacks. Everything was immaculate.

Precious frivolities from a time I had never known. Treasure really was the only word for it.

‘My home,’ Ishra said, catching up to me.

‘Nice,’ I replied, trying to play it cool.

‘Thank you. It’s been my life’s work.’

I didn’t bother to ask how much blood had been spilled in its name.

‘Now, please, the others will be waiting.’

He turned away, started shuffling down an alley-like gap between his home and a collapsing lean-to that capped off the derelict wall.

‘Tell me, Doc, why are you still here?’

I figured that by letting him ramble on about himself—as old men are wont to do—I might get a straight answer.

‘I’d been here almost twenty years when the flood of people slowed to a trickle,’ he said. ‘But the trickle didn’t stop—Creeps still turn up sometimes, herding the odd holdouts. Others come with the monthly train and cart them away.’ He smiled sadly. ‘Someone has to look after all those ragged stragglers.’

We entered an alley-like gap that quickly stopped dead. Ishra took a step to the left. I limped after him. We stood side by side on a narrow concrete ledge, the collapsing lean-to and a squat brick shed rising up behind us, a sheer drop in front of us. Lying at the bottom, arrow-straight railway tracks. The ledge followed the tracks in both directions; to our left, the backside of the wall cast it in shadow, while another empty concrete plain bordered it to our right.

‘What’s not to love about this place?’ Ishra asked with a laugh.

I shivered—across the tracks lay a debris-strewn wasteland.

Dozens of trenches ran higgledy-piggledy across a stretch of bare earth. Wrecked vehicles formed sturdy barricades; barbed wire formed deadly fences; deep craters revealed the existence of mines, their earthen maws hinting at the deadly potential still lying elsewhere in wait.

‘I can see why you’d want to stay.’

Ishra didn’t laugh. ‘I’m a doctor, William. I help people. I wouldn’t want to hand this place over to some unwilling conscript whose boredom and loneliness would eventually cruel him.’ His face twisted. ‘There’s been enough of that here…’

I didn’t ask, didn’t need to.

We followed the ledge, walking in single file, heading back towards the sickbay. I couldn’t catch my breath, exhausted by fatigue and pain. The backside of the wall continued; far ahead, it gave way to an open space occupied by a pair of blurry figures.

One of them waved. I heard a ‘coo-ee’ on the wind. I picked up my pace as best I could, forcing Ishra to do the same.

‘I think your friends can answer the rest of your questions, don’t you?’

He looked over his shoulder and smiled.

‘Tobias is good to you. He cares. The whole time you were asleep, all those days and nights, he didn’t leave your side. I didn’t understand why. But after a while, when he started to trust me, he told me what happened. It all made sense—such a debt cannot be repaid, all one can do is try.’

Ishra walked on. I swear that the Tobe-shaped figure in the distance threw me a mock-salute.

I muttered under my breath: ‘You bastard.’

SIXTEEN

Tobe and Ruby sat next to each other on a worn park bench. They were deep in conversation, as thick as thieves, as buddied as bushrangers. Two unfamiliar backpacks sat at their feet. I hobbled along as quickly as I could, the pain in my side getting worse with each step.

‘G’day,’ Tobe said.

‘Yeah, g’day,’ Ruby mimicked.

I faked a smile. I needed a sit down more than I needed to stick it to Tobe straightaway.

‘Hello Tobias, hello Ruby. How are you both?’ Ishra asked.

I collapsed on the bench. For a brief moment, the world blurred. Someone passed me a canteen. I drank deep, slopping some water down my front. The ragged tear of my breath was all I could hear.

‘Bill, are you okay?’ Tobe asked.

Ruby took my hand and took my pulse. ‘He’ll be all right, but he’ll have to take it easy for a while.’

‘Very good, Ruby. Well done.’

Ishra’s voice was full of pride, exactly as Louise’s had been. I smiled a sad smile. Tobe beamed at me. Did he even remember what he had done? Did he remember what he had told Ishra?

I weathered my storm—what I had to say was only for Tobe. The bastard.

He fidgeted in his seat. Ishra seemed happy to amuse himself by looking out at the wasteland. Ruby kept still and quiet. An awkward silence fell.

The silence steadily grew heavier.

‘Right, then,’ Tobe said.

Ishra smiled at him. I looked on, bemused.

‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Ishra said to him. ‘If you need anything, I’ll be gathering your fellow patient and sorting out your transfer papers.’

Ruby looked at him strangely. I understood why—his last few words were alien; they had no meaning out in that scorched, dying land.

‘I’ll see you all when Old Reliable arrives,’ he said as he shuffled away.

It was only then that I caught on to where we were: an old train platform, kept in good repair despite the ravages of time and the dry, protected from the sun by a heavy roof. A bluestone ticket-office-cum-waiting-room stood behind it, its wrought-iron fixtures and handrails dull.

‘So, here we are again,’ Tobe said.

I didn’t reply. I wondered if he understood why. The awkward silence returned.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said after the silence had stretched out and become uncomfortable.

A soft breath escaped me, a deflated sigh of relief.

‘Look, give me a sec,’ he continued. ‘Ruby?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Would you mind, ah, lending the Doc a hand?’

She looked me in the eye. ‘No worries, boss,’ she said. And then she winked at me.

‘Cheers.’

She dragged herself away and followed after Ishra. Tobe and I sat there for a moment, saying nothing. He wouldn’t look at me, staring a hole into the ground instead.

‘Fuck it,’ I finally said.

‘Hang on,’ Tobe interrupted.

We looked at each other. Despite everything, we laughed.

‘After you…’

Tobe didn’t dare decline my invitation. ‘I’m sorry, Bill,’ he began. ‘Sorry I dragged you into this mess, sorry you got hurt so bad.’ His voice was unsteady. ‘I never meant for things to go to shit. That’s happened too many times, thanks to me.’

I swear he started to cry.

‘I’m sorry.’

I knew that his apology was sincere. But it wasn’t the apology I wanted to hear.

‘No worries, mate.’

‘No worries’, because there were none; that’s just how it goes out on the road. And ‘mate’ because that’s what he always would be.

‘Well, cheers.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘I’ve been sweating it, you know? I wasn’t sure you’d say that. Bloody hell, I’m glad you did.’ He looked up, looked me in the eye. ‘Thank you.’ He lowered his gaze back to the ground. ‘I know nothing I can do can…’

‘Fuck you.’

He shut his trap mid-sentence.

‘How could you?’ I asked.

‘What?’

‘Don’t give me that—you know what I’m talking about.’

I waited for a reply but none came. He was either being exceptionally dim or extremely stubborn. Well, it had been a long time since we had dredged up such bitter memories.

I stared at him, waiting-waiting-waiting.

‘Oh, that,’ he said after a while. ‘Bill, mate, what does it matter?’

I sighed. Last time we had talked about it, when Tobe had returned after all those years away, we spent a long time arguing over what mattered and what didn’t and whose fault was whose and who should have done what. We had talked ourselves in circles, gotten nowhere, eventually come to blows.

I knew who should have done what.

‘It matters because you weren’t fucking there,’ I spat. ‘And because it should have been you, not me. You said until death but you didn’t mean it. The least you can do is keep it to yourself, like you promised.’

Venomous rage poured out of me. It felt good. I couldn’t have stopped it, even if I had wanted to.

‘But…’

‘Don’t even think about it,’ I said.

He was on his feet in an instant. ‘You don’t know what it was like.’

I followed him up, leaning on my stick. ‘How can you say that? She was my sister, and I loved her until the end. Unlike you, you coward piece of shit.’

Years of repressed anger spilled out. The memories hurt, but venting my pain at Tobe made it all worthwhile. He held his good arm at his side, his hand clenched in a fist.

I was suddenly glad that I was near enough to crippled.

‘It wasn’t your fault, Bill. You’ve never got that. It’s my fault, I did it.’

‘Pull the other one.’

It was only Tobe’s fault in the most elasticated philosophical sense of the word. The night my parents chose not to play further witness to nature’s cruel ways—the night they harrowingly tried to lighten the load for my sister and me—lived as a panicked memory somewhere on the border of nightmare. But the memory of what happened to my sister over the following days stayed as sharp as a dead tree on a windless day.

That memory visited me every other night, dulling my spirit, deadening my heart.

‘It wasn’t your fault, Tobe. It was no one’s fault—these things happen.’

I said it reluctantly. I didn’t want to indulge Tobe’s guilt or soothe his shattered ego—I had my own grudge to offload.

‘How can you say that?’

He was screaming it, his face red. It dawned on me that we should have tried to thrash this out a long time ago, after the flared tempers of our tumultuous reunion had settled.

‘I was there, remember? I know what happened.’

‘Then you know it’s my fault.’

‘For fuck’s sake!’

Tobe shut up.

That night, after Tobe and I had managed to detach ourselves enough to begin carefully cutting down my parents’ bodies, my sister surprised us by throwing open the barn doors without a knock or a warning.

She saw us. She saw our parents. She made a tiny animal sound.

Tobe called out to her. She looked her husband in the eye. She looked back to our dead parents. She turned on her heel and ran blindly into the night. We gave chase, running through the darkness. She was quick. So was Tobe.

I lumbered after them, soon lost sight of them.

The memories flicked past, scenes of horror and sorrow. I began to cry and barely realised it.

‘Bill?’

I didn’t respond.

‘Bill?’

That night, that’s what Tobe had been calling out, screaming it at the sky. That’s how I found them. Tobe was sobbing, curled up in a ball. My sister was barely conscious, tangled up in rusty barbed wire, covered in blood. I slapped Tobe together. We untangled my sister, being as gentle as we could. We carried her home. We dressed her wounds. We tried to make her comfortable.

And then we buried my parents.

Tobe disappeared later that night. He told me that he was going outside to take a piss, and he never came back.

‘Bill?’

‘You should have stayed.’

Tobe looked confused. I became aware of how lost I had gotten chasing memories down the rabbit hole. The pent up bile of years past took control, forcing me to tell him what I swore I never would.

‘How could you leave? You know that she called out for you? The last thing she said, before I killed her, was your name. Even then, she still loved you.’

A little piece of me died as I told Tobe the truth I had withheld for so long. He looked at me, a pathetic sadness hollowing his eyes, all his bluster draining away.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘That doesn’t fucking cut it. You didn’t see the look in her eyes as she grasped what was happening to her. But even as the gangrene and infection set in, she still hoped that you’d come back. She wanted you to be there, to hold her hand when it happened, to be the one to do it.’

‘But…’

‘Don’t. Nothing you can say will make up for not being there.’

He seemed to deflate further. I was happy for that. He cried, his chest heaving. His cracked ribs made him wince with every breath, and still he cried.

My anger started draining away. I didn’t have the energy to maintain the rage.

‘I’m truly sorry.’

He whispered it. I ignored him.

‘And anyway, it looks like we’ve got more pressing problems,’ he said.

He pointed at the wasteland. I saw nothing different.

‘Look harder,’ he said.

‘Piss off.’

‘Between the burnt-out tank and the fallen-down guard tower,’ he suggested.

I squinted. Far in the distance was a feather-thin plume of smoke, almost invisible against the all-encompassing blue of the sky.

Tobe’s eagle-eye had done it again.

‘Shit,’ I said.

The last thing I wanted was an interruption. I couldn’t relive that horror again; we needed to sort it out there and then. But after a lifetime on the land, it had been drummed into me that you barely ever get what you want.

_________

A rhythmic squeak broke the wasteland’s ghostly quiet. I turned, saw Ishra and Ruby wheeling out the bandaged bull-roo who had occupied the trolley next to mine. He moaned steadily. Ruby stroked his head without affection. Ishra focused on the burden of the trolley, his old-man body looking like it might give way any minute. Appreciating the fact that I knew nothing about the bull-roo, I turned back to Tobe, hoping that he could answer my questions. But his eyes were fixed on the distance.

There was nothing behind them—he was lost somewhere in his head, silently mulling over words he never should have heard.

‘G’day,’ I said to Ruby and Ishra, giving up on Tobe.

Ishra stopped the trolley and its squeaky wheel; in the quiet, I noticed the rumble of the approaching train, more a feeling than a sound.

‘Hello, William.’

‘Bill, nice to see you back on your feet,’ Ruby said, smiling cheekily.

I didn’t return her smile. The bull-roo moaned again and then started to twitch. Ishra halted the trolley and passed a small plastic case to Ruby.

‘If you will.’

‘Cheers, Doc.’

She took the case, cracked it open. A gleaming hypodermic needle sat inside. She deftly plucked it out, rolled up the hulk’s sleeve, swabbed his forearm with something, and injected him with something else. Her hand didn’t shake as she administered the sedative.

‘Well, that’s that,’ Ishra muttered.

Ruby passed back the needle and then sprinted to Tobe, somehow feeling his distress.

‘You okay?’ she asked.

The dead embers of his eyes briefly flickered with some kind of life. ‘No worries.’

The fire died out again. He stooped slightly, reached for Ruby. She stared at him quizzically; he looked like he was about to cry.

‘Please…’ he said.

Ruby hugged him, comforting him in a way that I don’t think anyone else could. Theirs wasn’t the knock-about familiarity of old mates or the unbreakable bond that comes from sharing a life in drear and seared desolation. It was the silent understanding of a fellow soldier, a fellow survivor.

I looked away. I wasn’t meant to witness their moment.

I waited. The plume of smoke became more a thumb than a finger. The rumble steadily grew louder.

‘Right, folks, sorry that you had to see that.’

I looked back at Tobe. He was standing a little straighter, seemed a little more together.

‘You okay?’ I asked, unable to help myself.

‘Yeah, mate, cheers. Anyway, we’ve got more important things to worry about.’

‘My thoughts exactly,’ Ishra said. ‘Now, remember what I said earlier, don’t give them a reason to…’

His words were drowned out as the train sounded its horn to warn us of its approach. Its blare echoed across the wasteland, scaring into flight a flock of magpies.

‘Never mind,’ Ishra said to himself.

The behemoth slowly pulled up alongside us, belching smoke. It was a jerry-rigged monstrosity held together by spit and string, the same as everything else nowadays. Awed, I silently watched as a hulking, diesel-powered engine car crawled past us. On its roof, a handful of Creeps in shapeless sand-coloured tunics kept watch from a fortified gun nest.

A dozen or so carriages snaked behind the engine car, each one sporting cracked timber walls and windows covered in mismatched boards. A long line of rusty shipping containers hung on behind them. The train was so long that it overhung the far end of the platform.

‘Wow,’ Ruby said, drawing the word out.

That was enough to break the moment—Tobe, Ishra and I all laughed a little. Ruby looked put out, but there was no way that we could explain our laughter to her.

‘Thank you, Ruby,’ Ishra said. ‘I will miss you.’

That didn’t just kill our tiny cheer; it desecrated its corpse as well.

The train stopped with a shudder, one of the Creeps in the gun nest rapping a rhythmic pattern on the steel roof beneath him.

‘Please, leave this to me,’ Ishra said.

‘No worries.’

Tobe spoke for us all; there was no argument there.

The door of the first carriage flew open. A dozen Creeps strode out, a tall and lanky bloke in the lead. Cocky and self-assured to the last one, none of the Creeps drew their guns. They ambled over, taking their time. Behind them, a last Creep rolled a stainless-steel supply box towards the ticket office.

‘G’day, Doc,’ the lead Creep said, lifting up the visor on his cumbersome helmet.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…’

I had gotten it wrong; the lead Creep was a woman. But then, in full body armour with helmets on and visors down, they all looked the same.

‘Hello, Captain. How are you today?’ Ishra asked.

One of the other Creeps mockingly echoed Ishra’s rounded tones.

‘What’s this, Doc? A couple of holdouts, a cripple and a kid? That isn’t much of a catch.’ She laughed. Her eyes flicked over us as if we were nothing but meat. ‘Right, then,’ she said.

I wanted nothing more than to turn tail and run like the proverbial. Tobe caught my eye, shook his head slowly. Ruby stared at the ground. Tobe reached out with his good hand. One of the Creeps casually reached towards his pistol. Tobe ruffled Ruby’s hair and then raised his arms in surrender, grimacing in pain, wrestling with his sling.

Ruby said nothing, did nothing, kept staring at the ground.

‘So, Doc, what’s the story?’ the captain asked.

‘Well, it’s exactly as you said, apart from the “cripple” comment. We’ve got these two holdouts.’

Ishra waved at Tobe and me. We didn’t meet the captain’s eyes.

‘This young lady.’

Ishra waved at Ruby. She didn’t look up.

‘And your compatriot here.’

The bull-roo on the trolley didn’t even moan.

‘What happened to him?’

The rest of the Creeps were eyeing us warily, their hands now on their pistols. The fear I felt became ice; sweat drenched me without warning. Tobe caught my eye. He shook his head once again.

‘A dog attack, I do believe. Prior to the arrival of these three.’

Tobe smiled. I didn’t know why.

‘How bad is it?’

‘Well, the dog apparently savaged this poor man’s face. It’s doubtful that he’ll ever see again. He’s under sedation, and will probably need to stay that way until he can get proper help.’

‘Can do. After the camp, it’s express to the line.’

I whistled. Tobe groaned. The captain paid us proper attention. She dismissed Ruby and me almost instantly, but seemed to puzzle over Tobe. He smiled a broken-toothed smile, winked through his puffy eye.

‘G’day,’ he growled.

The captain humphed through her nose before turning away. ‘Load them in, boys.’

Ishra looked at us a last time. ‘Please, take care. William, Tobias, Ruby—know that you will always be in my heart.’

The captain’s faced curled with a question at the mention of Tobe’s name, but soon relaxed as Ishra thrust our transfer papers at her and snatched her attention.

‘They’re all yours,’ he said.

‘Thanks, Doc.’

The captain looked me in the eye and smiled, tucking our transfer papers into a pocket of her body armour.

‘Please, be kind,’ Ishra said to her.

‘You never know, I just might.’

SEVENTEEN

The captain and her Creeps herded us along the platform. Or they tried to, at least—Ruby wouldn’t move. The captain reached out to push her; Ruby growled in her throat. It was a wild sound, rich and full of hate.

The captain took an involuntary step back.

‘Now’s not the time,’ Tobe said gently.

Ruby didn’t acknowledge him, but she started walking. Tobe scooped up our backpacks. The Creeps relaxed their hold on their weapons; two of them peeled off to collect their stricken comrade. We let the captain shepherd us on—I limped and Tobe walked in silence, shadowing Ruby. The captain stopped us outside an empty carriage. She threw the door open. Like a mob of sheep at the steps to the slaughterhouse, we stared dumbly at this latest twist of misfortune.

‘What are you waiting for?’ the captain asked. ‘Bloody Christmas?’

Tobe and I looked at each other. The captain—seemingly oblivious to my puzzled glance—jabbed Tobe in the back. That got him moving, and he gingerly climbed aboard. I stumbled after him, almost catching my stick in a crack in the carriage floor. It was gloomy inside, the windows boarded up, the only source of light the gaps in the rough-hewn wooden walls. Everything that could be salvaged had been hauled away, leaving the carriage an empty box designed to hold as many people as could be crammed inside.

The smell of human waste and fear hung in the air.

‘Nice,’ Tobe said, dumping our packs.

‘Lots of room,’ Ruby replied. ‘You could easy have a kick in here.’

She looked at us, smiling for what felt like the first time in a long time. Kids, they’re so adaptable…

She dashed a few steps ahead and kicked an imaginary goal. Tobe and I laughed, well and hearty. Playing to the room, Ruby then fell to her knees, accepting the imaginary congratulations of an imaginary crowd.

‘This isn’t a fucking holiday,’ the captain said, scowling. ‘Sit down and shut up, we’ll be leaving any minute.’

She left us without saying another word. A single Creep stayed behind, a nuggetty little ball of muscle, his eyes coldly watchful. I turned away from him, hobbled across the carriage.

‘Sit,’ the Creep said.

With some difficulty and a fair bit of pain, I sat.

‘This is bullshit,’ Tobe complained, turning to the Creep.

The Creep rested his hand on his gun. It was obvious that Tobe was thinking about making a scene, but he finally sat down as well. Ruby quickly followed suit. The Creep said nothing more.

‘I don’t reckon these fellas have much of a sense of humour,’ Ruby said.

‘Too right,’ I said.

Tobe smiled to himself.

The train started with a grinding chug that didn’t quite catch. It slowly became more rhythmic and we began to pick up speed. The carriage started shaking; the wooden walls groaned. A deep vibration rose from beneath the floor, drilling through us.

I lay on my back, used my pack as a pillow.

‘Nice time for a nap,’ Tobe muttered.

He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. I lifted my head, propping myself on my elbows. The Creep watched us, not bothered at all by the rough ride.

‘Ruby, you okay?’ Tobe asked.

I looked over at her. She was ignoring us and ignoring the Creep, transfixed by the presumably brand-new sensations she was feeling. She caught me staring, didn’t seem to care and suddenly leaped to her feet.

‘Ruby…’ Tobe warned.

But the Creep didn’t move. Ruby bent at the knees, slowly adjusted to the rocking of the train, held her arms out by her sides, started surfing it with ease. I lay back down. Tobe fell silent. Ruby occasionally shuffled her feet, repositioning herself to catch a rogue wave.

The train hauled itself across the parched earth, rocketing through crumbling towns, withered bush, burnt-out paddocks, and a ravaged pasture. We crossed empty rivers and yawning ravines. Cracks in the rusted metal ceiling let in slivers of blue sky, allowing us dazzling glimpses of the sun. Flickering shadows danced around us; dust drifted through the dry air. Through the gaps in the mismatched boards that sealed the windows, there were only flashes of darkness and light.

This dull monotony kept on. It lulled me, numbed me, but didn’t quite send me to sleep.

Time passed. It must have.

_________

The low groan of the engine became a hideous scream, crashing us back to the dusty here and now. A moment later, the train slowed and the chug lost its rhythm. Tobe and I sat up; Ruby braced herself against a wall. She didn’t stop smiling, even when the carriage tilted sharply.

‘Hey, dickhead, what’s going on?’ I yelled at the Creep.

He didn’t answer, focused as he was on keeping his feet.

‘Are you bloody deaf?’

He still didn’t answer.

‘Let it go,’ Tobe said. ‘Trust me, he won’t tell you anything.’

‘Give me one good reason why I should listen to you,’ I said to Tobe, my stomped-down anger resurfacing.

He looked ready to argue, but then he shook his head. ‘Mate, come on, now’s not the time.’ He smiled sadly. ‘Please.’

My resolve crumbled, just like that. Well, maybe not just like that—we were locked in a wooden box on our way to be locked in the camp. It looked like soon enough there would be time for nothing but talk.

And for answers.

‘Did you feel that?’ Ruby asked abruptly.

I had no idea what she was talking about.

‘Quiet!’

I looked at her.

‘Listen,’ she said, lying flat, pressing her ear to the dirty floor.

I did as she said, registering that the chug had stopped its struggle. The train started to speed up; the carriage tilted again, throwing us forward.

‘And over we go,’ the Creep said, smiling coldly.

‘It’s a hill, that’s all,’ Tobe explained, bracing himself next to Ruby. ‘This fucking thing’s hauling a bit of weight, we were lucky to make it to the top. But on the flip-side, what goes up must come down.’

The train started to shoot forward, pushed along by the weight it carried. I fell, ending up on my stomach.

‘Maybe ‘hill’ was a bit of an understatement.’

I had more important things to do than indulge Tobe’s badly timed, so-called humour—the carriage shook hard, the engine screamed, we somehow picked up more speed. I gritted my teeth. Ruby’s cry of exhilarated joy floated above everything, high and bright.

I envied her, no matter our predicament.

After a long time, the carriage began to level out. A howl started; a dirty northern wind. I managed to lift my head, slowly remembering how to work with gravity.

‘You ‘right?’ Tobe asked.

I nodded, breathless and shaken. We were still moving fast, but at least the track had flattened. I looked around—something seemed different. But the answer wouldn’t come. I looked again, my face twisted with confusion. The Creep had disappeared, but I knew in my bones that it wasn’t his absence that bothered me.

‘Bugger me,’ Tobe said.

He was on his hands and knees, staring out at the world through a gap in the mismatched boards covering the windows. He seemed unaware that dust was blowing into his face.

‘What is it?’ I asked stupidly.

‘Come take a look. You too, Ruby.’

I started crawling in his direction. Ruby walked over, as surefooted as can be. She crouched beside Tobe and whistled low.

‘Wow…’

It was an awed ‘wow’, not a joyous one. I made it to a window, stared through a gap and was instantly blinded. I jerked away, fell back and then lay flat-out again. I rubbed my eyes. The red wash slowly faded. Once more staring at the ceiling, I understood what was different: the shadows had stopped dancing, bright light casting them away.

‘Come on, Bill.’

Ruby held out her hand. I took it, hoisted myself up, looked again, saw a blank stretch of land, a featureless white nothing.

‘What is this?’

I turned to Tobe, expecting to see a smile and a wink that let me know I had been fooled again. But this was no joke; he didn’t look away, didn’t stop staring out at the brilliant emptiness.

I looked back. I still didn’t get it.

‘It’s the Mallee, dickhead. Or the Wimmera. Take your pick, they’re one and the same nowadays.’

I froze. Now I couldn’t look away.

It was a desiccated void, thousands of acres of desolate pasture, all that remained of a land where cattle and sheep used to roam, where corn and wheat had grown tall and strong, where nature had run rampant and wild, where life had once thrived. All of that was now gone; all that was left was a barren dustbowl. What hadn’t shrivelled and baked had been uprooted and snatched away by the incessant wind, or buried by the sand that trailed in its wake. Not a tree or fence or outstation had survived—the land was completely flat, all the way to the horizon.

The sun shone bright off the seared earth. The whole world shimmered with heat-haze. It truly was a great white nothing, vast and borderless.

‘What’s the Mallee?’ Ruby asked in a worried voice.

This time, Tobe and I didn’t laugh at her blissful ignorance. We didn’t answer her question, either. We didn’t need to. Even though she didn’t know the land by name, just by sight she knew to fear it.

Cruel and kiln-dry, it mocked us. A more deathly place couldn’t be found.

‘End of the line,’ I muttered.

Ruby’s face crinkled. It was such a youthful expression that I almost smiled.

‘Don’t worry about it, she’ll be ‘right,’ Tobe said.

Ruby snorted in contempt at his obvious lie. She looked back at the Mallee, choosing to lose herself in a ferociously magnificent sight rather than bow to something that should have frightened her stupid.

Once more, I envied her.

‘Fuck me…’ Tobe said, interrupting us.

‘What?’

‘Come look.’

I backed away from my gap, scooted next to Tobe, shoved him over, took his place. Nothing. I squinted, caught sight of it. Faint in the distance, a tiny dark line cut across the blighted plains, dwarfed by the colossal emptiness.

The line seemed to be moving.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’

‘Stupid boys,’ Ruby said. ‘Don’t you know anything? It’s a First Country caravan, probably heading to the coast to ride out the summer.’

My jaw fell open. How could they be there?’

‘Well, there’s a first time for everything…’

Tobe’s voice was flat. He still hadn’t looked away from the great white nothing, his eyes wide and bugging.

‘So, how do you like the view?’

I fell backwards in surprise. I looked around; the Creep captain stood on the far side of the carriage, her hands on her hips. Tobe slowly pulled himself away from his gap. Ruby didn’t.

‘I love this moment, when you fucks realise what’s going on,’ the captain said, laughing.

Her laughter was all the more wrong for how much happiness there was in it.

‘Oh, and by the way, our injured friend has been talking in his sleep. He’s been saying some pretty strange things… Tobias, I thought you might like to know that.’

She let the words hang. Tobe didn’t react.

‘Enjoy the ride.’ She laughed again, leaned back and tucked her hands in her pockets. She didn’t take her eyes off us. Saying nothing, we turned away and kept looking out at the land.

The wind roared on. The Mallee looked back at us, empty and eternal.

_________

The first signs that the Mallee’s seemingly endless bleakness hadn’t actually conquered all were the occasional dead trees and some shards of broken wood. The train was moving so fast that at first they seemed mere tricks of the light. As we kept on, they gradually grew in number and size. We slowed a little as they became a constant fixture. Soon, all we could see were rows of crippled timber-framed things hemmed in by neat lines of more dead trees. Butted up close together, they were like the weathered skeletons of giant animals huddled together in death.

They moaned low as the hot wind blew on.

Shots rang out at one point, presumably from one of the Creeps in the gun nest. The train slowed. The captain disappeared, replaced by the same nuggetty Creep who had guarded us when we boarded.

And then the train stopped completely.

‘What’s happening?’ I asked the Creep, turning away from my gap.

He didn’t answer. I got to my feet. I stretched, worked the kinks out of my battered body, and snatched some water from the canteen in my pack. The Creep stayed silent. After an interminable wait, more gunfire split the air. Shouting followed; the train started moving again. I crouched, looked back outside. The timber-framed things had revealed their true nature; this far past the Mallee’s edge, the wind hadn’t snatched absolutely everything away—the skeletons were surrounded by the rubble of roofs and walls, of windows and furniture, of doors and floorboards. They grew increasingly less derelict the further on we pushed, eventually becoming weary suburban houses that had forgotten their better days.

‘Right, you lot,’ the captain yelled.

I hadn’t even heard her re-enter the carriage. I reluctantly tore myself away from the broken-down homes. Tobe and Ruby did the same.

Tobe almost shook he was so tense. Ruby’s dark eyes revealed nothing.

‘Come on, off your arses.’

The captain stood beside the nuggetty Creep, one hand resting on her pistol in a rather obvious way. Tobe and Ruby slowly got to their feet; I used all my effort to heave myself up, leaning heavily on my stick.

‘Now, make sure you behave yourselves when we get to the camp.’

None of us answered.

‘Because I would hate for things to get ugly.’ She winked at Ruby, smiling brightly. ‘And I don’t believe in sparing the rod.’

The train came to a halt.

‘Here we go.’ There was something horribly final in the captain’s voice.

She threw the carriage door open. After catching my stick in a broken floorboard, I took the lead and limped outside while Tobe scooped up our packs. He and Ruby moved warily, almost as one, their expressions unreadable.

We stepped onto another platform at another train station.

This time there was no ticket office or waiting room, nothing but a long cyclone fence that ran parallel to the tracks, beyond which lay a wide apron of concrete and gravel. To our right, the fence disappeared into the distance. Far to our left, back the way the train had come, it stopped at a ruined building and bent at a ninety-degree angle and then ran on, until it too was lost from sight.

Encircled by the fences was a sprawling junkyard city.

The air stank of resignation and despair. Words couldn’t really describe it, and so I did the best I could.

‘Shit.’ I gawped, overwhelmed.

Tobe said nothing, still tense and wary. But he seemed unimpressed by the monstrous camp, as if he had seen it all before.

‘Wow.’ Ruby once again drew the word out. Her face lost its guarded edge as she drank in the seething mess of humanity at its worst and most desperate.

I looked away as a mob of Creeps strode towards us. A short, balding, book-ish type wearing a full parade jacket led them. Sweat beaded on his brow. He squinted behind thick-lensed glasses.

‘Captain, you’re late,’ he said with a nasal whine.

‘Commander O’Neil, I’m so very sorry,’ she said with undisguised sarcasm.

Despite the fact that she was taller than him, the commander tried hard to stare her down. The loathing in his eyes was as clear as the scowl on his face. The captain towered over him, unsmiling and underwhelmed.

‘Fucking toff,’ she muttered, loud enough for the commander to hear.

He chose to ignore her insult. ‘Right then, captain,’ he said, emphasising the ‘captain’, futilely trying to puff out his chest. ‘What do we have here?’

The captain passed him our transfer papers. He didn’t look over them. He didn’t even look at us.

‘Is that all?’

‘One of our boys has been injured. Doc Ish treated him as best he could, but we’ll need to leave him with you—we got word on the way here that they need us back in town.’

The commander crossed his arms over his chest. ‘Need I remind you that I have the authority in this camp? That means I make the decisions, especially in regard to who gets medical attention first.’

‘Good luck convincing anyone that these bastards should be seen to before one of our own.’

A few of the Creeps accompanying the commander smiled sourly.

‘So be it. Captain, if some of your troops could lend a hand unloading the salvage…’

The captain nodded at the nuggetty Creep who had been guarding us, and he walked away without a word.

‘…while I have my men escort the prisoners to be processed. Then I believe we can call it a day.’

‘About time,’ she muttered.

He bristled but didn’t do anything to right the slight.

‘Have fun,’ she yelled over her shoulder as she walked away.

The commander frowned before giving up on her. He looked us over, smiling an oily smile.

‘As you are no doubt aware, I am Commander O’Neil, senior officer of this camp. If you’ll follow me…’

He spun on his heel, started a brisk walk toward the cyclone fence, a pair of Creeps accompanying him. The remaining Creeps shuffled around behind us, gesturing at us to get a wriggle on. Almost running on autopilot, I shambled after the commander.

Tobe and Ruby followed. None of us spoke.

Up close, I saw that the fence was dotted with gates. The commander stopped at one and unlocked it. He and his escort strode through; we continued after them, the remaining Creeps forcing us forward. I stepped through the gate, stopping in front of a second cyclone fence that ran parallel to the first. The commander and his escort hurried through a gate in this second fence, locking it behind them. The remaining Creeps stayed on the far side of the first fence.

They locked their gate, too. Tobe, Ruby and I turned as one, unexpectedly trapped.

‘Bullshit,’ I said.

‘No bullshit,’ the commander answered.

Tobe looked bored, his arms folded over his chest. Ruby eyed the wire corridor that hemmed us in.

‘Bastards,’ she said in a voice so quiet that it almost disappeared on the wind.

‘I love a captive audience,’ the commander said. ‘Now, before the three of you set foot in the camp, there are a few things we must attend to. First, you’ll need to offload your belongings. Please don’t try and slip anything past us—you’ll also be frisked once you’re through.’

He followed the fence for a few metres, stopping at a hole that had been cut into it. It was about a foot square, running up off the ground, its edges burred. A shallow metal tray sat on the ground on the commander’s side of the hole. He pulled out a strange high-tech pistol and pointed it at us.

‘We’ll start with your packs. We can’t have you smuggling in anything untoward, can we?’

Tobe didn’t move. The commander pushed the tray through the hole in the fence. He cocked his gun, his hands shaking slightly. Tobe hauled the packs over, looking the commander in the eye. Blank indifference filled the commander’s face.

‘Now, please.’

He waved his gun in a way that suggested he wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. Tobe dumped my pack in the tray. The commander bent down, hauled the tray back, quickly rummaged through the pack, then shoved it aside. He once again pushed the tray through the hole. Tobe nonchalantly lowered his pack into it.

The commander broke Tobe’s stare and dragged the tray back, wrenching the pack open.

‘Well, you are a beauty,’ he said, his eyes lighting up.

EIGHTEEN

The commander slowly drew my sister’s wedding dress from Tobe’s pack. Gently, so as not to snag or tear it, he pulled it free and held it high, appraising it with a practised eye. He spun it around, smiling a greedy smile.

Tobe took a step forward.

One of the Creeps behind us cocked a gun. Ruby and I watched, transfixed, as Tobe took another step forward.

‘Be careful, boy.’

Tobe finally stopped. The commander folded the dress over his arm, passed it to one of the Creeps flanking him.

‘It’s been a long time since anything this beautiful has graced us—thank you for the gift. It’ll fetch a pretty penny, next time I’m up north.’

Tobe threw himself at the fence, reached through a gap in the wire and caught the commander by one of the absurd epaulettes on his shoulder. He did this without making a sound. It happened almost too fast to see.

‘Shoot!’ the commander screamed.

I heard the Creeps behind us shuffle around. The two that had accompanied the commander drew their guns, but there was no clear line of sight.

‘Shoot!’

The epaulette tore; the commander fell back. Tobe kept reaching, thrashing, clutching. He still hadn’t made a sound.

‘It seems that you need a lesson,’ the commander said.

He got back to his feet, keeping well out of Tobe’s reach. He pulled his gun from its holster. Ruby and I took an involuntary step forward. The Creeps escorting the commander raised their guns, forcing us back, forcing us once again to just watch helplessly.

‘It seems that you have a problem with authority,’ the commander said, taking aim.

Tobe didn’t answer. Smiling cheerfully, the commander pulled the trigger.

‘Tobe!’ Ruby screamed.

Instead of the crash of a gunshot and a red bloom of blood, I heard a sharp whistle as a metal dart trailing a long drooping wire embedded itself in Tobe’s chest.

‘Bang!’ the commander said with a laugh.

The dart sparked. Tobe started to spasm. He bit his lip; blood dribbled down his chin. Limbs jerking uncontrollably, he fell on his back, banged his head and seemed to knock himself out. He kept convulsing.

‘Stop!’ Ruby yelled, running to him.

The dart was still alive with electric fire. Acting on instinct, I dropped my stick and scooped Ruby up, pulling her back.

‘It’s not safe…’

She fought against me. As wounded as I was, there was still no way I would let her get the better of me.

‘Stop!’ she yelled again, her voice thick and blubbery.

Tobe kept convulsing. His eyes rolled back in his head; he started to drool. I wanted to throw myself in the way, to take Tobe’s place—seeing my best mate in such a state was killing me. But the commander was a rock and the world was a hard place and I was stuck between them.

‘Leave him alone!’

Ruby’s tears shone on her cheeks. The commander ignored her, didn’t put a stop to Tobe’s pain.

‘Please,’ she said.

‘Good girl.’

The commander flicked a switch on his gun. The dart stopped sparking. Tobe slowly fell still.

‘In these parts, politeness will get you everywhere.’

He kicked Tobe’s unmoving body.

‘Don’t think that we’re animals. I could have killed your friend, but here we only do so when it is absolutely necessary. We behave the way civilised people should. Contrary to the life you degenerates live, ours is one based on civility and respect for authority.’

I crouched, picked up my stick, and didn’t say a word. Ruby sat by Tobe, stroking his head. Rage burnt in her eyes. Tobe suddenly groaned. He might have been regaining consciousness, or he might have been voicing his disgust at the commander’s pompous bluster.

He opened a bloodshot eye, looked around glassily, let his head drop.

‘It seems that your friend has heard enough of my voice,’ the commander said with a smirk. ‘Very well. Men!’

The commander’s escort levelled their guns at us. Ruby and I didn’t speak, move, or take our eyes off them. The gate behind us creaked open. Three more Creeps walked into our line of sight. One of them dragged Ruby away, while the other two hauled Tobe to his feet.

They completely ignored me.

Tobe groaned deeply as his injured arm was wrenched sideways. The commander flicked another switch on his gun and the wire slowly reeled back in. Two of the Creeps dragged Tobe through the gate; the third let Ruby go and followed them into the camp.

They were soon lost in the shantytown maze.

_________

The commander stared at us coldly.

‘Neither of you are going to give me any trouble, are you?’

I raised my free hand in surrender. Truth be told, Tobe being dragged away had left me numb and unmoored—the fact that I had to tread a nightmare path alone was beginning to sink in. Ruby caught my eye, tipped a tiny wink my way, a pathetic attempt at comfort.

I smiled gratefully; I wasn’t completely alone. ‘Cheers.’

She mouthed the words ‘no worries’.

‘Right, time to get a move on.’ The commander nudged the steel trough with the toe of his boot, pushing it back our way. ‘You know what to do.’

Ruby reluctantly spun in front of the commander, showing him that the pockets of her coveralls had been slashed and torn. She turned her back on him. I started emptying my pockets, realising that in the rush of leaving Ishra and the confusion of everything that had followed I hadn’t gotten around to checking them. It’s strange, not knowing what you might be carrying…

I found Tobe’s tarnished compass, his antique lighter, his jangle of rusty keys, a possum skin of bush tobacco, the old rusty nail that my hat had once hung upon. They all went into the trough, each a reminder of yet another loss.

I kicked the trough back. The commander crouched down and sifted through it, dismissing it as junk.

‘Men, if you will?’

The gate behind us creaked open. Heavy boots crunched on gravel.

‘You two, up against the fence.’

We did as we were told, staring at the commander’s smug smile through the wire. One of the Creeps behind me kicked my legs apart and frisked me roughly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that they were treating Ruby a little more gently. But only a little, as is their way.

They found nothing on either of us.

‘Very good, you’re learning. Now, gather your things and come along.’

The commander dumped our packs in the trough and nudged it back through the gate. I filled my pockets with the bits and bobs Tobe had left me. I emptied his pack into mine. Ruby struggled to shoulder it, but she got there in the end. The commander unlocked the gate and swung it open.

‘Welcome to the Echuca-Moama Refugee Camp… Sergeant, if you would?’

One of the Creeps flanking the commander abruptly strode off. All but two of the Creeps that had met us off the train followed after him.

‘Lead on,’ the commander said.

I resisted the urge to correct him as we reluctantly stepped through the gate. Ruby walked in my shadow. We kept on, my stick occasionally catching on the gravel surface of the apron separating the fence from the camp.

We entered an ungodly fresh hell.

The sprawling city of junk shimmered with heat haze; clouds of smoke billowed; tongues of flame leapt into the sky; flies, carrion birds, dust and despair filled the air. A towering steeple rose from the middle of the jumbled ruins; others dotted the camp’s perimeter: watchtowers and guard towers, rifle barrels bristling from gun nests like so many coarse hairs. A formless noise swelled around us. It seemed to have no beginning or end, like the sound of the far off ocean. Muffled voices, the rhythms of industry, stomping feet, buzzing flies, barking dogs, squawking birds, the clink-clink of commerce, the angry yelling of the aggrieved—they all blended into one.

‘Shit,’ Ruby said.

There seemed no more appropriate word.

‘Try to think of it as home,’ the commander suggested.

Our eyes were open wide; our mouths were closed shut. We were absolutely overwhelmed.

The commander led us on. We followed meekly, turning down one of the many alleys that cut between the tattered tents, battered tin sheds and shacks made of reclaimed rubbish. It was hard to ignore the bullet holes that peppered some of them. For the most part, it was impossible to tell if people lived in them or if they had been abandoned or if they were simply waiting for someone desperate enough to call them home.

‘Shit,’ Ruby said again, as the alley opened onto a rough town square.

‘You degenerates and your language…’

There were people everywhere; we ignored the commander in favour of gawping. A lot of them sat around listlessly, doing their best to escape the sun. A lot more struggled to ward off worse enemies. Buying, selling, trading, taking, fighting, playing, dancing, feasting and fucking—the lethargy in the air was only matched by the frantic activity of those trying to keep boredom and frustration at bay.

‘You’ll have time to explore later.’

The commander hurried across the square, leading us through a maze of barter stalls, open-air workshops, makeshift ironmongers and bootleg home brew stands. No one met his eye; everyone was noticeably doing their best to avoid his attention. We trailed after him, as docile as thirsty beasts being herded to a waterhole.

‘Shit,’ Ruby kept saying as each new surprise met her unbelieving eyes.

Numerous dusty roads, broken streets and grimy alleys branched off the square. The commander led us into one that seemed no different from any other, a twisting, winding thing strewn with rubble and occasionally blocked by a rusted-out car. We kept walking. The alley soon straightened out, stopping at a towering brick wall.

‘Shit.’

‘Yes, yes, yes—we get the point.’

Fresh alleys led left and right, following the wall in both directions. The commander steered us right; a single-file human snake, we slithered through an alley that opened onto a wide road stretching in both directions, seemingly splitting the camp in two. On the far side, the camp continued; on our side, an immaculate red-brick courthouse loomed above us, surrounded by the desiccated remnants of a sprawling manicured garden. The courthouse was an ornate piece of the long-dead past, a ridiculous tower capping off its grandiosity. A dozen steps rose from the street to its doors; two Creeps stood guard, the first I had seen aside from our escort. Both were armed with actual guns, rather than the taser the commander had carried. Another Creep stood at the top of the steps, looking over a crowd of fifty or so fellow holdouts.

They looked back at him with desperate eyes, while he took his time waving certain people to one side.

‘Work detail,’ the commander explained inadequately.

‘What’s in it for them?’ I asked, barely aware of the words falling from my mouth.

He smirked. ‘Not much, a bit of extra food and water in the ration pack. The true reward lies in having something useful to do… Anyway, that’s for later. Right now, you need to remember how to get here. This is where you’ll find everything you need—food, water, first aid. The bell sounds at eight every day. You turn up, join the queue, exchange your old ration pack and canteen for new ones, and that’s that.’

I looked up at the building, disbelief growing in my staring eyes. Plastic bullhorns adorned the tower; another pair of Creeps watched the crowd from the roof. Like their fellow bastards, they were armed with actual guns as well.

‘Please, don’t be late and don’t forget: there are no favours here. If you miss it, you’ll have to make do.’

I whistled low.

‘If you want to see a doctor, the guards will assess you first—don’t worry, they know what they’re doing. And if you have a problem with a fellow refugee, I suggest you sort it out yourself. Or at least try and resolve it in front of a guard.’

‘Bullshit,’ I said, not knowing what else to say.

‘No bullshit. Isn’t that how you people tend to respond? Anyway, if your ‘problem’ doesn’t get too serious, we tend to turn a blind eye.’

I groaned aloud. I wasn’t much of a fighter. The commander nodded at the courthouse.

‘But if things go too far or get out of hand, a prisoner in its basement is what you’ll be.’

Tobe…

‘Don’t even think about it,’ the commander said, catching the look on my face.

We crossed the empty road that split the camp in two, the commander leading us into another alley. We followed meekly, the two Creeps that were our escort trailing behind us. We kept walking. The further we walked, the fewer people we saw. After a while, I came to a stop.

Hemmed in by the towering walls of yet another alley, I had lost sight of the courthouse.

‘Ruby?’

‘Sh.’ She held a finger to her lips, like the youngest schoolmarm that’s ever been.

‘Sorry?’

‘Sh.’

We turned another corner. I saw her trace a line in the dirt on her left arm.

‘Clever girl,’ I said with genuine admiration.

‘Sh. I need to concentrate.’

We hurried on. The commander seemed to be in a world of his own, as if this was merely an everyday walk around a park of rolling hills and grass of the greenest green. Hands folded behind his back, he whistled tunelessly, seemingly content.

‘Ah, almost there,’ he said at some point.

We had been following a long, straight, featureless alley. Ahead, a familiar cyclone fence cut it off, train tracks lying beyond it. We drew up to the fence. The commander scratched his chin, looked back and forth, and led us down an alley that ran parallel to the fence.

‘And behold…’

We stepped around the commander and looked upon a graveyard of scrap that stretched as far as we could see. It was dotted with towering piles of junk: ravaged building materials, broken wood, splintered furniture, useless white goods, abandoned vehicles—it was as if the monstrous wall that had sealed off the Borough had been dumped in a pile in front of us.

I shielded my eyes from the glare, saw some enterprising souls picking through the debris.

‘This is our goodbye,’ the commander said, turning to us. ‘We’ve wasted enough time showing you around, you’re as ready as can be.’

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…’

I stepped toward the commander. One of the Creeps flanking him drew his gun.

‘What’s to stop us running as soon you leave?’ I asked, coming to a stop.

I challenged him with it. All he did was laugh. Even Ruby smiled, although it was a bitter little thing. The commander swept his arm to encompass the sad sack of shit our world had become.

‘Where will you go? The Mallee? You’re certainly welcome to try.’ He spat in the dust to hammer his point home. ‘Now, help yourselves to as much junk as you can carry. Use it to make a home or to sell or trade—do with it what you will.’

‘And what then?’

‘And then you wait, like everybody else, for your chance to head up to the line.’ He smiled at me. ‘Good luck.’

He and his escort briskly walked away. I turned to see if Ruby was okay, only to find that she was already darting across the graveyard of scrap, scooting around the towering piles in search of the best refuse she could find.

‘Shit.’

I watched her dig through the graveyard’s crust. She avoided our fellow holdouts, leaving them to their scavenger hunts. I sat down, painfully. I pulled out a canteen, took a long drink, propped my pack behind me, tugged a possum skin pouch from my pocket, rolled some bush tobacco, leaned back, and lit up with Tobe’s trusty lighter.

There was no wind, the smoke lazily rising in an arrow-straight plume.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…’

Taking the time to do nothing but sit—to rest and think without the constant shock of danger and flight—allowed the reality of our situation to properly sink in. I looked down, saw that my hands were shaking. I hurriedly butted out my bush tobacco, rather than drop it and start a fire. The shakes spread to the rest of my body. I lowered my head. I wept, snuffling, snorting back snot and tears. It was a dam bursting its banks. I gave in, bowed before it.

‘Bill, you ‘right?’ Ruby asked at some point.

I hadn’t even seen her return. She put an arm around my shoulder and my flood of grief began slowing to a trickle.

‘Yeah, cheers. It’s just…’

The words wouldn’t come. Exactly as the commander had done earlier, I swept my arm out to encompass the sad sack of shit our world had become.

‘I hear you.’

I looked at her. She wasn’t crying, didn’t look shell-shocked or overwrought.

‘Sometimes all you can do is go with it,’ she said.

She bounded to her feet, offered me her hand. I took it, somewhat embarrassed, sheepishly letting her haul me up.

‘Now, come on, I could do with some help.’

She led me across the unsteady field of rubble. She was surefooted and confident; I was hesitant and afraid of catching my stick. We stopped at a hole that she had dug and she reached inside, her small hands able to find what others’ couldn’t.

‘Come on, quit standing around.’

I pulled myself together, crouched next to her, tried to help. The thought of snakes or spiders didn’t even cross my mind. I touched something coarse and stiff. I gripped it tight. We pulled. Something gave; we fell back, stumbling.

‘Good one,’ Ruby said, quickly finding her feet and freeing our discovery.

It was an unbelievably old canvas tent, riddled with bullet holes. Ruby bundled it into a rough pile and once again reached into the hole that she had dug. The tent’s awning—equal parts tattered and ragged—soon saw daylight.

I helped her when I could.

‘That’ll do,’ she eventually said.

Some bent steel poles, a broken stool and a tangled mess of guy-ropes had joined the ratty pieces of tent.

‘So, what’s the plan?’ I asked, unable to help myself.

She snorted. I immediately felt incredibly stupid.

‘Better get a wriggle on, then, I guess,’ I said hesitantly.

She nodded, slowly, to hammer the point home.

We gathered our scrap and my pack. Ruby look the lead—I was too embarrassed to admit that I had no idea where to go or what to do next. We trudged along; we must have been a god-awful sight, weighed down like beasts of burden. We soon entered the featureless alley that had led us to the junkyard. We walked it for a long time, and then without warning Ruby hung left and we entered a different alley. From there, without the slightest pause, she led us through the slums to the road that split the camp in two.

‘Nice one.’

She didn’t look at me, her eyes fixed on the courthouse towering over us. I didn’t need to ask what was wrong.

‘Tobe’ll be ‘right,’ I said. ‘He’s as tough as they come.’

She just kept staring, doubt clouding her eyes. I tried to smile, to make her believe the words I didn’t.

‘Hey, it’s okay. I’ve known him a long time, he can take care of himself.’

She nodded almost imperceptibly.

‘Shall we?’

She nodded a second time and we continued our march. The noise grew, soon became incredible. Once more, I had no idea where to go. But Ruby seemed to know what she was doing—she led us down more alleys, confidently taking left turns and then right turns. I followed her, watching as she gave each ruined excuse for a home a thorough once over. Families of holdouts slept in some, exposed to the open air thanks to missing walls. Somehow they had adapted; they didn’t stir despite the din. Belongings and makeshift beds occupied others, while some were completely empty. The people we passed eyed us with suspicion. None of them tried to talk to us.

Somewhere ahead, a dog starting barking. In an instant, Ruby darted off.

‘Hang on…’

She ignored me. Overburdened, I couldn’t hurry after her. I dropped my pack and load of scrap, limped on, found her crouched outside a shack, a puppy at her feet. Ruby gave the puppy a good scratch behind the ear—it rolled onto its back so that she could get to its belly.

Ruby smiled, actual happiness in her eyes.

The puppy noticed me, wriggled around like an upside-down beetle, squirmed from side to side, got to its feet, started barking furiously.

‘Jude, shut up!’

The voice came from behind a threadbare curtain covering the door to the shack. The puppy paid it no mind, kept barking, getting steadily louder. Ruby quickly managed to settle it down. The curtain twitched aside and a grizzled, unshaven face stuck itself out.

‘Shit, ah, g’day,’ the stranger said.

He sized us up. He smiled, gap-toothed and wide. I guessed that Ruby and I didn’t pose much of a threat.

‘I haven’t seen you around before,’ he said. ‘You folks must be new. My name’s Jacko—welcome to the camp.’

And then he held out his hand for me to shake.

NINETEEN

Jacko’s kindness was the only thing that made that first night bearable. We didn’t ask why he had taken a shine to us; grateful for a friendly face after everything that had happened, we simply soaked up and basked in his hospitality. He helped us carry our meagre possessions into the abandoned shack adjoining his, helped us cut up the ruined tent we had found, helped us hang the pieces curtain-like around our new home so that we could have a modicum of privacy.

All around us, the shadows grew thicker as dusk approached.

‘Bugger, I forgot,’ Jacko said from nowhere. ‘I’ve got something for you both.’ He shuffled out of the shack, leaving Ruby and I to keep working.

‘You okay?’ I asked, even though I knew the answer.

She didn’t reply. We worked on in silence. I wanted to comfort her, but didn’t know how.

‘Yoo-hoo, anyone home?’ Jacko soon called out.

I was grateful for the interruption. And despite our tiredness, Ruby and I both smiled as he forced aside the broken door.

‘Here,’ he said, pulling something from his pocket, limping across the shack.

It was a rusty hand-cranked lantern, a tiny godsend.

‘Cheers.’

‘No worries.’

Jacko and Ruby started to knock up a makeshift bed, using the bent poles we had found and whatever strips of tent were left over. I cranked the lantern until I thought my wrist would break, finally hung it from a nail that had been driven into the wall. Jude lay flat on the raw dirt floor, watching us work, occasionally wagging his tail. Sometimes, he would look at us so pitifully that you would swear he had never been patted or scratched.

When the bed was done, I gratefully took a seat. Ruby and Jacko joined me; we sat side by side, it was a bit of a squeeze.

‘Think of it as cosy,’ Jacko said.

‘I’m not complaining.’

And it’s true, I wasn’t. If it hadn’t been for Tobe’s absence, I would have called myself vaguely content. The bed was more comfortable than I had expected, we had enough water to see us through until morning, and it didn’t feel like we were in any immediate danger. As well, Jacko had generously shared his rations, refrained from prying, and hadn’t asked any rude questions.

It was almost—almost—peaceful.

‘Excuse me,’ Ruby said, yawning loudly, surprising herself, smiling shyly.

I caught her yawn as easily as getting sunburnt. It had been a long day.

‘Okay, I’ll leave you be,’ Jacko said, laughing. He made it to his feet.

I joined him, held out my hand. ‘Ruby and I can’t thank you enough.’

We shook.

‘No worries, Bill. If we don’t look out for each other, what’s the bloody point?’

‘Too right,’ I said.

Jacko’s old-fashioned attitude made me smile. The world would be very different if everyone thought as he did.

‘Ruby?’ he asked.

She looked at him with sleep-heavy eyes.

‘It was a pleasure to meet you.’

She smiled. ‘Nice to meet you, too.’ She reached down, scratched Jude behind the ears. ‘Go on, good boy.’ He jumped up, licked Ruby’s hand, ran to Jacko, sat on his feet, and looked at him with love.

‘I’m off, then. Pleasant dreams.’

We bid him goodnight as he disappeared behind the makeshift curtain with Jude scrabbling at his heels. I heard him wedge the broken door in place, enter the alley, and call out to someone in a booming voice. Jude barked playfully. Someone else laughed.

Ruby once again yawned loudly. She stretched her arms, cracked her back. Still standing, I smiled to myself as she cottoned on to the fact that she had the bed to herself.

‘Good one,’ she muttered. She fell back. She shuffled around until she was lying flat.

‘I’ll, uh, take the floor, I guess.’

She didn’t answer. I sat down, threw my legs out straight, propped my pack behind me. Holes in the roof let moonlight in, a beautiful shining silver-blue.

‘Goodnight, Ruby,’ I said. ‘Sleep well.’

‘You too, Bill,’ she replied in a thick voice.

She was soon snoring. I got undressed and wormed around until I was comfortable enough, lying flat with my pack as a pillow.

The floor was more a slice of jagged earth than a decent place to kip.

‘Any port…’ I said to myself.

I stared at the sky through one of the holes in the roof. A spluttering orange glow occasionally broke the smear of stars and inky black; the insomnia sounds of the camp slowly became clearer, voices cheering far in the distance, soft as campfire whispers. I strained to understand it, never quite making it out. Ruby didn’t stir; oblivious to everything, she kept snoring.

The hand-cranked lantern hanging from the wall started flickering. A moment later, it went out, plunging the room into darkness.

‘Tobe,’ I murmured, barely knowing what I was saying.

His absence had never made itself felt so strongly. Instead of huddling in the dark, he would have cracked a joke or hurled a childish insult at me. He would have done something—anything—to make our new home bearable.

In the same breath, I cursed his name and hoped that he was okay.

_________

The sound of Ruby crying out freed me from the semi-coma I had fallen into—I was getting to my feet before I was really awake, the memory of my wounds a faraway thing. I toppled, of course, my injured leg giving way. I caught myself on the wall, barely missing a rusty nail that stuck out like a jouster’s bayonet.

I screamed in pain, but managed to cut it off when I saw that Ruby was still asleep.

‘Sorry,’ I whispered.

I found my stick and steadied myself. Ruby started thrashing around, drenched in sweat. She said Tobe’s name once or twice, others that I didn’t recognise. Everything else was a garbled mess.

It was hard to deny the absurd urge to ask her if she was all right.

I crouched beside her, stroked her head, and told her that everything would be fine. She settled a little but kept crying. I did my best to soothe her. Lost in the dark, time seemed to stand still. I began to cry with Ruby, hoping that she would be okay under my watch. People can only be so adaptable; they can only stretch so far. The world needs kids like her not to break; it needs them to keep bouncing back, no matter what happens.

I didn’t know whose life I would rather have.

At some point, Ruby stopped crying. I stood up, worked the cramp out of my limbs, tried to ignore the pain in my leg.

I was awake; wide awake. I needed a smoke.

I felt my way past the makeshift curtain, limped across the shack, managed to shove aside the broken door, entered the alley. The murmuring quiet was a little louder, but was still a far-off sound; the orange glow still spluttered in the sky; the alley was empty, the buildings lining it ruined. I breathed deeply, sucking in the cold night air. I patted my pockets, cursed myself for forgetting to bring a possum skin with me.

‘Bill, you okay?’ a voice asked.

I squinted, took my glasses off, cleaned them on my shirt, put them back on. A tiny red ember was all I could see.

‘It’s me, mate.’

Tobe? How?

The ember moved slightly. A shadow detached itself from one of the walls. Jacko stepped into a pool of moonlight, smiling crookedly around his bush tobacco.

‘How’s it going?’ he asked.

He pulled another hand-cranked lantern from his pocket, fired it up and held it aloft. Two cracked wooden crates emerged from the gloom, a patchwork cushion on one, a small metal flask and two chipped glasses on the other.

‘Expecting company?’ I asked.

‘You never know. Now, please, sit. Join an old man for a midnight drink.’

I gratefully lowered myself onto one of the crates. Jacko seemingly read my mind, passing me a leather tobacco pouch as I sat down. I rolled some up, felt around for Tobe’s lighter, and cursed my forgetful nature.

‘Here you go,’ Jacko said, smiling softly, passing me a lighter that was exactly like Tobe’s.

‘Cheers,’ I said, nonchalantly, trying to hide my surprise.

I lit up. It was smooth, the smoke full of flavours I couldn’t place, nothing like the wild stuff we harvested that never shook the taste of the bush. I beamed, unable to help myself.

‘You’re welcome,’ Jacko said.

The ruined buildings lining the alley glowed blue and cold, as ethereal as summer clouds. They had the ravaged dignity of dead trees under a full moon. They were almost beautiful.

Jacko poured two drinks, filling the glasses with a deep brown liquid.

‘So, is everything all right?’ he asked.

‘It’s Ruby, she was having some kind of nightmare.’

‘Sorry, mate. It happens to the best of us.’ He picked up one of the glasses, thrust it into my hand. ‘Here you go. To you and yours, may the sun shine on you both.’

The whiskey tasted as good as it looked, a delicious remnant of the past.

‘Not bad, eh? One of the perks of being an old man…’

Not really knowing what to say, I nodded a wordless agreement.

‘Is your little girl okay?’ Jacko asked, quickly getting us back on track.

I snorted some of the precious whiskey out my nose.

‘What? What’s so funny?’

‘Nothing, it’s just that, ah, she’s not mine. I’ve no idea who or where her folks are, or if they’re still alive. She kind of adopted me and a mate when we found her out on the land.’

Jacko swore aloud. ‘She was alone out there?’

‘Yeah, she’s as tough as old boots.’

We fell silent. I rolled some more tobacco; Jacko poured a second round. Despite his age, he had no trouble keeping up. The far-off sound of voices had grown louder again. Accompanying them were strange thuds and thumps that sometimes followed weird grunts, pained cries, more cheers from the crowd.

‘What is that?’

‘That’s how the Creeps keep this place safe. If you want a fight, that’s where you go—you tap someone on the shoulder and get to it. No one gets hurt who isn’t willing, and the meatheads can dump some of their macho bullshit. And if watching is more your thing, you can choose a seat and enjoy the show instead.’

‘You’ve got to be kidding…’

‘You’d be surprised how effective it is. Women and kids get sent to the line first, same as it ever was. People like you and me, we’re not much of a priority. And everyone knows what happens when you cram a bunch of blokes together, especially when there’s fuck all to do.’

I couldn’t help smile. ‘Buggery and biffo, eh?’

‘Boys will be boys. At least the Creeps’ way stops anyone innocent getting hurt.’

I could picture the fights—desperate, brutal acts carried out by lost men turned dangerously mean through no fault of their own. And I could picture the crowds—crazed, blood-hungry, lost, as savage as the fighters.

‘Not for me,’ I said.

‘Nor me.’ Jacko once again held his glass aloft. ‘To the health of civilisation.’

I met his toast. We drank deep. Jacko poured two more.

‘She’s a good kid, your Ruby. Even if she isn’t really yours. But if you don’t mind me saying, I hope she gets shipped north soon. This is no place for the young.’

From what I had seen, life in the camp seemed cruel and harsh and unfair. In fact, it seemed exactly the same as life everywhere else, no better and no worse.

‘Is it really that bad?’

Jacko looked at me coldly. ‘I’ve helped too many of my own kids board that train. I smiled while I saw them off, each and every time, even though I knew that I’d never see them again. I was glad—glad—that they were leaving. It meant they could have a chance above the line.’ He spat into the dust. ‘We don’t live here, we survive.’

I looked around at the endless shantytown sprawl. I marvelled at the idea of a steady supply of food and water. I listened to the muted brawling that was designed to keep me safe. I remembered life at home, those too-frequent days of hunger and thirst. I tried to imagine what it must have become, now that the people who had made it more than a mere town were presumably gone. I didn’t want to picture them being rounded up by the Creeps, or out on the road, or lying dead somewhere, gunned down while trying to defend their own. And I couldn’t stop thinking about Tobe rotting in his cell.

Something inside me shifted. ‘Jacko, how long’s it been since you set foot out there?’

I waved my arm to encompass the blind, thirsty beast the land had become. He didn’t answer me, didn’t need to.

‘I could get used to it here,’ I said defiantly.

Jacko’s face crumpled and he fell quiet. Staring into the middle distance, avoiding my eye—he obviously didn’t like where I had decided to hang my hat. I shuffled in my chair, embarrassed. Jacko ignored me completely. With much chagrin, I got to my feet.

‘Sorry. And sorry about your kids.’

He looked at me, smiling sadly. ‘Cheers. Just look after your own, okay? Make sure she doesn’t miss the breakfast bell—it’ll be light before you know it.’

I smiled, glad that my apology had been accepted. ‘You bet.’

‘Well, goodnight then.’

‘Yeah, you too. And thanks again for today.’

‘No worries,’ he said, waving me away.

_________

Sleep came easily, but the morning sun disturbed it too soon. I rolled over, already sweating, my back aching, my leg burning. For a blessed moment, I had no memory of where I was or what had happened to me. I stared at holes in the ceiling that now let hot sunshine in, rather than cold moonlight.

All too quickly, everything came back. I groaned low; a mournful sound.

‘G’day, Bill.’

I turned my head. Ruby was sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling wide, looking bright. She showed no trace of her troubled sleep, was more on top of things than I could ever hope to be.

I suddenly felt old.

‘Yeah, g’day,’ I mumbled.

I groaned again, let my head fall back. Bells tolled somewhere in the distance, counting out the breakfast hour.

‘Bill, we’d better go.’

I groaned a third time.

‘Useless bastard—Tobe was right.’

At the mention of his name, I decided that I could cope with whatever had to happen next. I buttoned up my coveralls, slowly got to my feet. Ruby passed me my stick and an almost-empty canteen. I finished off the canteen, felt a little better.

The urge to do my thing overwhelmed me.

‘Uh, excuse me a sec.’

Ruby smirked.

Bursting at the seams, I limped outside as fast as I could. I stopped dead; there were people everywhere, streaming toward the courthouse. Privacy was a non-existent thing—I ground my teeth before spotting an empty, collapsing building on the far-side of the alley. I barged through the crowd, stumbled into the ruin, tried hard to ignore the ripe stench of waste, near tore my coveralls, managed to find some relief.

I tottered back into the alley, smiling stupidly.

‘You right?’ Ruby asked, sitting outside our shack, perched on the broken stool we had found.

‘You bet.’

‘Well, come on then, shift your arse.’

I did as she said and we followed the ravenous throng. Our fellow holdouts were quieter than I had expected; only a low murmur of morning conversation disturbed the quiet air. We shuffled down alleys, passed ruined buildings, the crowd constantly growing thicker.

Ruby’s eyes scanned back and forth, checking every face. I was chilled by the sheer number of bodies, by the stink of resigned desperation they exuded. I pitied them, starting to hate the fact that I was now one of them.

‘Jacko!’ Ruby called.

Overwhelmed, I was pathetically grateful that she had kept a look out.

He was heading towards us, moving against the flow. I felt a guilty pang for the offense I had caused the previous night. When he was close enough that I could see the bloodshot whites of his eyes, he tipped me a wink to let me know everything was alright.

‘G’day.’

‘G’day.’

Jacko waved away a fly, slowly bent at the knee.

‘Ruby, how are you this morning?’

‘Not bad.’

‘Good one.’

He stood back up, frowning slightly.

‘You folks had better hurry along,’ he suggested. ‘There’s already quite a queue.’

Ruby shot me a dirty look. I swear that I blushed.

‘Right, then.’

I pushed myself hard to keep up with Ruby. Once or twice, she looked back, making sure that she hadn’t lost me. Each time, I heaved a wheezing sigh of relief. And still we kept walking, swept along by the torrent of people.

We hit the ruins of the manicured garden encircling the courthouse. A vast mob of dispirited holdouts met us; there were thousands of them, more than I had ever seen in one place.

Ruby froze; a rabbit in headlights. Slack of jaw and wide of eye, I crashed into her.

‘Sorry.’

She didn’t answer. For a weighted moment, we looked over the crowd together. At some fuzzy point in the distance, it changed from a formless mass into a series of incredibly long single-file lines, each one terminating at an open-faced canvas tent.

There were dozens of lines, dozens of tents.

‘Ruby, you okay?’

She didn’t answer. I looked at her. She was staring at the courthouse, her eyes hard, and her little-girl wonder completely gone.

‘Tobe…’

I followed her gaze. Lining the courthouse steps were twenty or more Creeps, their hands on their guns. When I caught the eye of one of them, he smiled an evil smile.

‘Ruby? We should get a move on.’

This time, I led the way. Ruby shadowed me, only relaxing when we reached the end of one of the lines and disappeared from the Creeps’ sight.

‘You alright?’

She scooted ahead, looked over her shoulder, winked.

‘No worries.’

We waited, the heat baking us in our skin. I cursed myself aloud—neither of us had thought to bring any water. That was my fault, not Ruby’s—now that Tobe was gone, I had to be the adult, to be the one in charge. A black cloud of self-doubt hung over me as we kept waiting. Soon, thirst was consuming us. I apologised profusely to Ruby, but she sulked and looked anywhere but at me.

When our turn came, we couldn’t finish our water fast enough.

Bloody blow-ins is what Jacko labelled us when we made it back to our shack and I realised that we had now run out of water until the next morning.

‘Useless dickheads,’ he added, almost as an afterthought.

But he still wrenched himself off the broken wooden crate that sat outside his door, inviting me to take his place. I gladly sat down, my leg burning once again. Ruby sat cross-legged on the ground next to Jude, started scratching him behind the ears. Jacko disappeared into his shack. For a long time, he made a clatter-and-bang ruckus as he rummaged around for something.

‘I’m thirsty,’ Ruby said.

She didn’t complain, but simply noted the fact. Even so, her words cut me deep.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘You’ll learn, it only has to happen once,’ Jacko said, reappearing.

He set down a battered tin tray bearing two steaming cups of billy-tea and two unopened canteens.

‘Here, make it last.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Sure as shit I am.’

Ruby took a canteen, looked at Jacko, smiled softly, and muttered a thank you. She cracked the canteen and had a small sip, being careful not to guzzle it.

‘Cheers,’ she said.

‘You’re welcome.’

Something startled Jude—he bounded to his feet and darted down the alley, barking madly. Ruby stood up, stretched her back, and gave me a strange look. I said nothing, confused as always.

‘Back in a sec,’ she said, rolling her eyes.

She ran after Jude, disappearing around a corner.

‘Kids,’ Jacko muttered with more than a little affection.

He held up one of the cups of tea.

‘Fancy a cuppa?’

Struck dumb, I nodded.

‘Don’t be embarrassed. Not that many folks ask an old man the time of day anymore—it’s nice to meet some that do.’

‘Well, thanks again.’

The tea was bitter and earthy, but it was still tea.

‘Jacko, you don’t know how long it’s been,’ I said, sighing deeply.

He laughed. I took another sip. It was exquisite, divine—I actually smacked my lips. Once Jacko passed me his leather tobacco-pouch and his gleaming lighter, the picture was perfect—I rolled some tobacco and lit up, grinning like that ridiculous cat in that strange story from long ago.

‘You alright?’ Jacko asked.

I laughed quietly, unable to help myself.

‘Yeah, I am. I just…’ I waved in the air, stupidly and enthusiastically. ‘I just didn’t expect it to be like this.’

I leaned against the wall of Jacko’s shack, waved a fly away, sighed with a kind-of satisfaction.

‘So, what happens next?’ I asked with a smile.

Jacko snorted.

‘This happens—we sit around and wait. Or if you feel like it, you can try hawking your wares and flogging your labour down at the square, or volunteering for a work detail.’

‘Fair enough.’

TWENTY

And so time in the camp passed, the days bleeding together until one was no different from another. I settled in, tried to adjust. Every morning, Ruby and I joined the hungry hordes’ march to the courthouse. Every afternoon, we did our best to stay out of the heat. Every evening, we fell asleep with the faint sound of fighting in our ears. Every day, the Creeps guarding the courthouse refused to let us see Tobe. Dispirited, Ruby and I would shuffle away. We would spend the rest of our day spinning our wheels until the sun went down, either sitting around our shack or loitering in the square or hanging out with Jacko.

After a while, I hammered into the wall of our shack the rusty nail that my hat had hung upon back home, carrying out such a mundane task with almost ridiculous reverence.

Jacko quickly went from being a good neighbour to a good friend to a good mate. On our second day in the camp, he warned us to stay away from a stall offering ‘bush medicine and tooth pulling’, which was run by a frantic young guy who, when he wasn’t actually drunk, was suffering from the DTs. That same day, Jacko also didn’t hesitate to point out where the men and women walked the walk and worked the oldest profession.

He showed us around the rest of what he called ‘the real camp’, introducing us to the ‘decent’ traders, advising us on whom to avoid, explaining the market’s strange rules and customs. As he showed us around, he told tall tales and outrageous stories, each one filed with bittersweet detail, black humour, a hint of regret. He knew everyone and everyone knew him, if not by name then by face. Those who made a living on their backs seemed to know him the best.

Despite his easy familiarity with pretty much everyone, Creeps included, he couldn’t get us in to see Tobe.

The market itself was a frenetic thing, the square buzzing day and night with people offering seemingly everything—the simplest scrap salvaged from the graveyard of junk; extra food and water; scavenged keepsakes and mementoes; sly grog, bush tobacco, wild weed; the sheer grunt-power of their bodies. The Creeps were actively involved, boldly trading out in the open. No one seemed to care or find it strange; in a sense they were prisoners as well, with all the same problems.

At least until their tours expired, anyway.

Eventually, Ruby and I decided to find some work. It wasn’t just that the rations the Creeps provided were only sufficient if all we did was sit in the shade staring into space; our boredom was slowly killing us as well, dulling our wits along with our hope. With a bit of help from Jacko, we ended up finding jobs as part of a salvage crew. Considering my ruined condition, Mac—the crew’s short, stocky, red-faced leader—assigned me to be a lookout. I was entrusted with a barely working walkie-talkie, told to haul arse to the graveyard of junk, and to call in when some fresh scrap was dumped. Ruby would then come out and pick through it. If the load looked promising, we were to call in again so that a crew could haul it back.

‘Take care of it,’ Mac said, pointing at my walkie-talkie. ‘If it wasn’t for those babies, my business would be in the shitter.’

For a whole day, from some time after breakfast until a little before dark, I sat in whatever shade I could find and looked over the graveyard of junk, waiting for a work detail to dump a load of rubble. Ruby visited me in the afternoon, making sure that I was okay, doing her best to keep my morale up.

‘Bill, how’s it going?’

‘Couldn’t be better, looks like I got the cushiest job of the lot.’

‘Yeah, well, at least you’ve got something to do. I’m so bored…’

‘Sorry.’

‘And I miss Tobe.’

‘Yeah, I know. I miss him too.’

We fell silent. Together, we looked out at a stark wasteland that was like a savannah at the end of the world. Tobe hovered over us like a ghost that wouldn’t pass on, there in spirit if not the flesh. After a while, Ruby got up and left. I resumed my solitary vigil, barely moving, barely brushing the flies away.

No one came. Nothing happened.

When dusk started to roll in, I limped back to the square. Mac was waiting by his stall, arms crossed over his chest.

‘Bill,’ he said, barely nodding.

‘How are you, Mac?’

‘All right.’

I passed his walkie-talkie back. He didn’t thank me. Instead, he started walking away.

‘So…’

‘What?’ he asked gruffly, turning back.

‘Um, when do I get paid?’

‘You don’t get shit for today—you didn’t call anything in.’

‘But nothing came in.’

‘Not my problem. Now, piss off until tomorrow.’

I didn’t clock on the next morning, despite Jacko’s assurances that he would have a word with Mac. Instead, Ruby and I volunteered for one of the Creep’s work details. By some ridiculous stroke of good fortune, we were chosen.

Working for the Creeps was worse than working for a vulture-scumbag like Mac.

The first day, we spent six or seven hours in the sun, repairing fences on the camp’s northern border. The second day, we cleaned a rundown hall, making it comfortable for a First Country caravan that a lookout had spotted on the Mallee. The third day, we waited on said caravan, fetching food and water, running errands for them, showing them around the camp. The fourth and fifth days passed in much the same way. On the sixth day, the First Country caravan having departed, we were sent out to clear some fallen trees that were blocking the train tracks leading in and out of camp.

At the end of every shift, Ruby and I would be handed our reward: a scarred metal token. Every morning, we exchanged the token for an extra half-litre of water and a handful of whatever extra food the cooks—fellow holdouts, no less—could spare. Most of the time, it was barely enough to make up for our labour.

Every night, Ruby and I would stagger back to our shack and collapse, too exhausted to make a futile attempt to see Tobe.

‘This is bullshit,’ Ruby said after our seventh or eighth day. ‘I’ve had a gutful.’

I couldn’t have put it better myself.

_________

One day, the door to our shack slammed open and a Creep strode inside. He walked straight over to me, stuck his face into mine, and looked me in the eye.

‘Bill Cook?’ he asked.

‘Um, yeah.’

‘Come with me.’ Without another word, he walked back out the door. ‘Don’t make me ask twice,’ he yelled, his voice echoing down the alley.

‘Looks like someone’s in trouble,’ Ruby said with a frown.

‘She’ll be ‘right.’

I dithered for a moment, decided to do what the Creep said, and hurried after him. Ruby followed, as wary as I was. Not that there was much we could really do if trouble fell upon us.

‘The fun never stops, eh?’

I didn’t laugh.

We silently wound a path through the camp’s shantytown maze, keeping to the alleys, avoiding the market and the square. The Creep began whistling some jaunty tune, incessantly repeating the same few bars. We kept walking. The Creep’s tune slowly started to drive me crazy.

At some point, the alley we were in stopped and we found ourselves looking upon the courthouse.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…’

The commander was sitting at the top of the stairs, leaning back in some kind of deckchair. Indolently overlooking his domain, all he needed was a gin and tonic to fulfil his civilised-man-in-the-wild fantasies, the Creep standing at his shoulder a fitting analogue for a native with a palm frond. Scorn and a kind of delighted disgust filled me in equal measure.

Ruby took my hand, forcing me to remember how seriously wrong our world was.

‘She’ll be ‘right,’ I said, my mocking smile fading away again.

Once again, I didn’t really believe my own words.

We watched the commander clamber down the stairs to meet us. He moved awkwardly, his body belying a lifetime of desk work. Scorn filled me again. Ruby squeezed my hand. I let my anger go.

‘Bill, Ruby, good afternoon.’ He looked at us like we were walking, talking pieces of meat.

‘What do you want?’ I asked.

Ruby kept silent.

‘Well, if that’s your attitude, I guess we’ll get straight to business.’

‘Come again?’

He smiled patronisingly, making sure that I knew my place. ‘You’ll see.’ He turned away, climbed back up to the stairs.

‘Tobe!’ Ruby couldn’t help herself.

The commander looked over his shoulder. He smiled; I couldn’t read anything in it. We hurried after him. The pair of Creeps that always seemed to be guarding the doors opened them with a flourish that was both deferential and mocking, taking the piss out of the commander in a way that went over his head.

I laughed. It was nice to find that the Creeps and I had something in common.

The commander turned, looked at me darkly. I shrugged. He obviously wanted us upright, I figured that I was safe enough. The commander cleared his throat in an obvious, petulant manner. He walked through the doors, almost tripping on his own feet. Ruby laughed this time, long and hard. For a beautiful moment, life didn’t seem so grim.

‘If you’ll follow me,’ the commander said, trying in vain to retain his dignity.

We left the hot sun behind, entering a lobby of obscene opulence. Every effort had been made to deny the real world, to recreate the past as a grotesque tableau—it was like walking into an antique. Heavy tapestries, wooden-framed paintings and gilt-edged mirrors covered the walls; an island-bar of leather and chrome split the room down the middle; art-deco dining furniture fought with overstuffed lounges for whatever floorspace wasn’t taken up by statues and sculptures.

‘Our mess,’ the commander explained, without a trace of shame or embarrassment.

We weaved through the insulting display of luxury. I felt sickened by such wasteful uselessness, while Ruby seemed largely indifferent, taking it in her stride as she did most everything.

The real reason for her indifference soon became apparent.

‘Come on, hurry up,’ she muttered.

The commander surprisingly did as she said, picking up his pace, leading us into a long corridor lined with faded portraits of presumably long-dead people. Doors lined the corridor: numberless, featureless, closed, and locked. It struck me that no Creeps had followed us inside. I guessed they were needed in the camp; I had never seen more than a few dozen of them at a time.

In the seat of their power, guarding a cripple and a kid hardly seemed necessary. Then it struck me that Ruby and I were alone with the commander.

We hadn’t seen anyone else the whole time, and while Ruby and I might not have posed the greatest physical threat, neither did the commander. I stared at his back, so very tempted. But then I remembered his earlier words, and thought about that great white nothing only a few kilometres away.

I realised how much they depended on us giving up hope.

‘Ah, here we are,’ the commander said, oblivious to my murderous moment, stopping us at one of the unmarked doors.

He took a set of keys from his pocket, fumbled with the lock, threw the door open. He flicked a switch on the wall, illuminating a rough-brick stairwell. We followed a set of rusty stairs down a single flight, stopping at a steel door. The Commander knocked twice, took out his keys, managed to get the door open.

We faced a squat room lined with cells. The single electric bulb shone wan, dim, greasy. A lone Creep sat at a wooden desk, his feet up, and his back to us.

‘Private,’ the commander barked.

The Creep spun in his chair, jumped to his feet, threw the commander a rough salute. ‘Sir.’

‘You’re excused.’

‘Fuck, great.’

The commander frowned, obviously unimpressed by the Creep’s language. ‘Do you enjoy it down here, Private? Or would you rather be working out in the sun?’

The Creep’s face fell.

‘Then you will mind your manners.’ The commander smiled imperiously. It was obscene how much he delighted in lording over his underlings. ‘As I said, you’re excused.’

‘Right, sir, no worries.’ He threw the commander another rough salute as he sauntered out of the room.

‘What the fuck do you want this time?’ someone called out.

It was a hoarse voice that I didn’t recognise

The commander frowned; I guessed that he wasn’t overly welcome in the cell block. I looked for the owner of the voice, couldn’t see anything. The cells were all dark, long, narrow—it was impossible to tell how many of them were occupied.

‘Answer me!’ the voice demanded. ‘What are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas?’

‘Tobe!’ Ruby yelled brightly. She pushed past me to his cell, almost knocking me down.

‘G’day,’ he said. ‘How’s it going?’

Same old Tobe, as cool as can be.

‘Yeah, g’day,’ I said, unable to help myself.

Tobe stepped into the light. He looked thin and a little desperate; the Creeps must have been keeping him hungry. He reached through the bars, took my outstretched hand. He let me go, grabbed Ruby by the shoulders, looked her in the eye and smiled wide. She reached through the bars and hugged him as best she could. I just stood there staring.

‘Tobe,’ I finally said, ‘it’s…’ The words caught in my throat. ‘Mate, it’s good to see you.’

‘You too, Bill,’ he said with a gap-toothed smile.

‘Tobe?’ Ruby asked, still holding him tight.

‘Yeah?’

‘Are you coming back with us?’

Tobe laughed grimly. ‘It depends, Ruby. It’s up to our friend there.’ He nodded at the commander, who had been watching us with fascination.

‘Speaking of which,’ the commander said, ‘I think we’d better get to it.’ He looked square at Tobe. ‘Don’t you think, Tobias? Or would you rather have me explain?’

Tobe’s smile disappeared in an instant. He let Ruby go, took a step back, looked at us, looked back at the commander.

‘You gave me your word,’ Tobe said, holding the commander’s gaze.

The commander made an elaborate show of mulling over what Tobe had said. Tobe cursed him under his breath, looked back at us, met Ruby’s eye.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

The commander stepped forward. He pushed me aside, took Ruby’s arm. She snatched it away, scowling at him.

‘It’s okay,’ Tobe said to her. ‘He’s taking you back to the shack so Bill and I can have a chat, that’s all.’

‘Don’t make me go,’ she said quietly, tears welling.

Tobe smiled sadly. ‘It’ll all be over soon. Try and take it easy until then, okay?’

He winked at her. Something seemed to click—she straightened her back, looked him in the eye.

‘Right, boss, right you are.’ She looked up at the commander. ‘Are you coming or what?’

He laughed at her cheek. ‘Very well.’

He turned away, smiling to himself. He stopped at the steel door, took out his keys, fumbled with the lock. Ruby followed. She didn’t say goodbye; she didn’t look back.

‘Have fun,’ the commander yelled as he slammed the door behind him.

TWENTY-ONE

Tobe burst into tears as soon as we were alone, keening like a fly-blown sheep. Unable to stop myself feeling sorry for him, and hating myself for doing so, I reached through the bars and squeezed his shoulder in a pathetic attempt at comfort.

He grabbed me in an awkward approximation of a hug. I struggled against him when I started to run out of breath.

He collapsed in slow motion and ended up sitting on the floor. He looked defeated, his head hanging low. Dark questions ran through my mind; I couldn’t stop them. Had he been sentenced to death? Was he to be exiled? Were Ruby and I to share his fate, as both accomplices and friends should?

I didn’t ask any of them, instead letting Tobe’s tears run their course.

‘Sorry,’ was all he said, his voice broken, small.

‘She’s ‘right, no need to apologise.’

He looked up at me with red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes. He didn’t speak. I started to panic; Tobe wasn’t the type to give in, I had never known him to hit the wall. I stared at him, giving him time to get it together. But he didn’t, and kept sobbing.

I cracked. I asked a stupid question. ‘Tobe, what is it?’

He shook his head, then looked back at the floor and started babbling. ‘He woke up, Bill. He couldn’t see, of course. I made sure of that. But you know what? He didn’t really need to.’

I was lost. ‘Tobe!’

But he kept on. ‘That dog-killing prick—he recognised me, he knew who I was. I should have killed him while you were unconscious, back at the train station. I should have done more than taken his eyes. But I thought that’d be enough.’

‘Tobe!’ I yelled.

He ignored me again. ‘So the bastard wakes up, and the first thing he does is tell the nearest Creep about me. And then that Creep tells the commander…’

‘Tobe!’

‘…and then he comes to visit, all pompous and smug, dangling treason and court-martials and you name it in front of me. Threatening you…’

At that one, I sat down on the desk facing Tobe’s cell, deciding to let his panic run free so that I could get a straight answer.

‘…and threatening Ruby, making me choose between telling you the truth and exile. All for a bit of fun, he said. Knowing that prick, if I chose otherwise, he’d tell you the story once I was gone. That arsehole, he’s probably listening to us right now, laughing it up.’

His torrid stream abruptly ran dry. ‘Bill, I’m so sorry.’ He fell silent, leaving it at that.

‘Tobe?’

He wouldn’t look at me.

‘Tobe, what’s going on?’ I asked again.

‘Don’t you get it?’

I didn’t answer because I didn’t get it, as confused as a roo caught in a bushfire.

‘Fuck, mate, do I have to say it?’

I still didn’t answer.

‘Bill, I was one of them.’

‘You were one of what?’

He raised an eyebrow, waved around the room. Everything started to make sense; I didn’t need him to repeat himself or explain himself. All I needed was a moment to let his words sink in.

But it was as if he needed to say it.

‘A Creep, Bill. I was a Creep.’

And just like that, everything slowly started to numb. Not a frozen-in-amber numb or the numb of deep sleep, but a dulling numb that fell over everything—my body, my feelings, my thoughts. It rendered me a spectator in my own story; all I could do was sleepwalk through it, watching helplessly as my life suddenly made no sense.

I opened my mouth to say something—anything—but nothing came out.

‘Are you happy now?’ Tobe asked.

He looked at me, his eyes cold. I had to look away.

‘Or would you like to know the rest?’ His voice had regained a little of its vinegar.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked stupidly.

Tobe started babbling again. ‘That night when it all turned to shit—when your folks took the easy way out, when we lost her in the dark, when I disappeared—well, I headed to Bendigo. I’d heard about a ruined chemist, thought I might find some antibiotics or sedatives, anything to help ease her pain. I’d barely been gone a day when I got caught in a sweep. Same as we did, Bill, after the bridge fell.’

I said nothing, stared at him blankly. Why hadn’t he told me this before? I expected to feel anger, hate, rage, betrayal. There was nothing but an emptiness, and a feeling that at any moment I might come untethered from the earth and simply drift away.

‘Anyway, those bastards hauled me up here, same as they did to the three of us.’

The thought of Ruby broke my numbness. How would she react to Tobe’s news? Badly, I guessed. Without even rationally thinking about it, I decided to try to keep it from her.

‘You’re a right bastard, Tobe,’ I said. ‘How could you lie to us?’

Once more, Tobe ignored me and kept on babbling. ‘Stuck in this shithole while she was out there suffering, I lost it pretty quick and started putting my hand up for a fight. I wasn’t a man, I was barely out of my teens, I didn’t know how to let go. My anger made me strong—I beat almost everyone I faced.’

I wanted him to be lying; that kind of bloke couldn’t be someone I loved like a brother.

‘The rest of the time, I tried to think of ways of busting out. I made it in the end, but they caught me pretty quick. I figured I was in deep shit, but they’d taken a shine to me—I put three of them in hospital before they took me down, not bad for a scrawny teenager, exactly the kind of tough they wanted. So they gave me a choice.’

‘The commander…’ I said hollowly.

Tobe smiled sourly. ‘Same rank, mate, different bastard. Same kind of bastard, though.’

‘And you chose this?’ I asked, waving around with an arm as heavy as lead.

Tobe frowned. ‘Yeah, I did. Wouldn’t you?’

That broke the numbing wall, tore through the veil of distance that lied to me, told me that everything was okay.

‘I would never become one of them. Never.’

He hung his head. Once again, his voice became a hoarse whisper. ‘Yeah, well, like I said—sorry.’

‘Fuck you.’ I said it to him quietly, hoping that cold anger would hurt him more deeply than hot rage.

‘I guess I deserve that.’

I didn’t reply, didn’t want to mollify him or absolve his guilt. Angry and sad in equal measure, all I wanted were answers. I wanted to know why. If he wouldn’t tell me, then we were done.

‘Why didn’t you go AWOL the first time they sent you out?’

‘And do what? Go home? Mate, I spent almost a year here before I tried busting out. In that time, you’d either worked some magic and fixed up her wounds, or you hadn’t and the gangrene and infection had done their work.’ He looked up at me. ‘I couldn’t face you if she was dead, and I couldn’t face her if she wasn’t.’

He once again lowered his head. I didn’t shed a tear for him. What I wanted was to hurt him as badly as he had hurt me, no matter the cost.

‘But you came back in the end. What happened? One day you just decided to pop in and say g’day? Bit late, don’t you reckon?’

He started to curse me. And then he held his tongue, thinking better of it. ‘I did some bad things, Bill. Some really bad things. And I did them with a smile.’

My face fell, even though some part of me refused to believe what I was hearing.

‘When love’s dead, when it’s gone and gone forever, something has to take its place.’

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. ‘Bullshit. I know you, Tobe. You’re not like that.’

Did I know him?

‘No bullshit, Bill. You can’t imagine what it’s like out there, what it does to you.’

His voice was quiet, collected. Any hope I had that he was merely spinning a yarn disappeared in an instant.

‘You bas…’

He cut me off. ‘I’m not a bad guy, Bill, not by nature. But even when I chose to be one, there were still things I wouldn’t do.’

‘I couldn’t care less!’ I shouted, horrified. ‘Did you hurt people, Tobe? Is that what you did? Were you like those bastards that killed your dogs?’

He ignored me, kept on with a story that fought to be told.

‘One day they put me on the spot. I tried to do what they wanted, that’s how bad I’d become. But something happened, something clicked, and I couldn’t pull the trigger. So, I hauled arse in the middle of the night and went home.’ He looked at me, spread his arms wide. ‘And you know the rest.’ Despite his tears, he still managed a smile.

‘What did you do?’ I asked again.

His smile vanished, so quickly that I thought I must have imagined it.

‘Please, Bill, let it go. I’m not that man anymore.’

And then a deafening roar tore through the air, killing the lights, plunging the cellblock into darkness.

My mouth fell open in what I imagine was a perfectly round O. Struck dumb and blind, for a moment I stupidly wondered whether the darkness was actually a new symptom of the numbness that Tobe’s confession had brought forth. The lights flickered briefly and then darkness returned, convincing me otherwise.

A siren started to sound, loud enough to reach us in the cellblock. Another roar tore through the air.

‘Bill, mate, got a light?’

Of course…

‘You bastard…’ I muttered, unable to help myself.

I shook myself together and fumbled around in my pockets. I pulled out Tobe’s antique lighter then sparked it up. Tobe looked all the worse in its flickering glow—dark shadows pooled under his hollow eyes, the folds and lines of his haggard face were cut deeper than ever, old bruises on mottled skin that was pale from being locked indoors too long.

‘How about a smoke?’ he asked.

With my free hand, I reached into my pocket, pulled out his possum skin pouch, passed it over. It was almost an automatic reflex. I hated myself for it.

‘Cheers.’

‘Tobe?’

‘Hang on a sec, first things first.’

I decided to allow him that, letting him finish rolling some bush tobacco. I held the lighter out, watched him hold the smoke to the flame. I felt a certain satisfaction as he proceeded to cough his guts up.

‘Ugh,’ he groaned, doubled over. ‘I forgot how long it’s been.’

I couldn’t help laughing.

‘Yeah, very funny, thanks a lot.’

I laughed again. Tobe pulled himself together, bent back up, ground his bush tobacco out, tucked the dead nub behind his ear. He looked me in the eye and smiled an easy smile.

It was almost like old times.

‘How about my keys?’ he asked, spoiling the moment. ‘Did you bring them too?’

My gears might grind slowly—sometimes too slowly—but they grind on all the same. Things were starting to make sense: the bits and bobs that he had left me; running into Jacko so quickly, so easily; the deafening roar happening at the same time as we were finally allowed to visit.

The ‘how’ might not have been clear, but the ‘why’ was slowly taking shape.

‘You did this?’ I screamed, waving at the gloom. ‘You’ve been planning this the whole time?’

He didn’t answer me.

‘How?’

Without speaking, he broke my gaze. I turned my back on him, not knowing what I was going to do, only that I couldn’t bear to look at him.

‘Bill!’

Anger and hate flooded through me yet again—I had followed him, as mates do, only to be played the fool. But that’s me, a dickhead to the last.

‘Bill, please.’

I didn’t answer, didn’t turn around.

‘Mate, I know what this looks like. But you have to believe me, I am sorry. That’s why this is happening. I know I can’t make things right, but at least consider it an attempt.’

‘Bullshit.’

The words hung in the air for a moment.

‘Fine, then, enjoy your stay,’ he said. ‘If you hadn’t realised it, I’m not the only one locked in here.’

I thought about it for a moment. Despite everything that had happened, I couldn’t help smiling at the fact that he was still a step ahead of me.

‘You win.’

I carefully sat Tobe’s lighter on the desk, turned back to him, pulled his jangle of keys from my pocket.

‘Good one,’ he said. ‘Let’s have a look.’

I passed the keys through the bars. Tobe thumbed through them, picked out a rusty one that seemed the same as all the others, passed them back. I kept my face blank. I was done with the cellblock; I wanted to get outside so that I could be done with Tobe as well.

I inserted the key into the lock. I was barely surprised when the door sprang open.

‘Wait for my next trick,’ Tobe said. He pushed past me, started rifling through the desk. ‘Aha,’ he said, pulling something from one of the drawers. ‘You beauty.’

He flicked on a torch. I scooped the lighter up, snapped it shut, slipped it in my pocket, another automatic reflex.

‘Here you go,’ he said, passing me a second torch.

I passed him the keys in return, glad to be rid of them, and he hurried to the door. I brought my own torch to life, deciding to let him lead the way. Until we were free of the courthouse, it couldn’t hurt to have a human shield. The thought, bitter as it was, made me feel a little better.

‘Got you,’ Tobe said, finding the right key. He threw the door open, revealing the rough-brick stairwell and the rusty flight of stairs.

‘How?’ I asked again.

‘I worked here, remember? And you know me, always thinking ahead.’

It was such a pitiful explanation. I deserved more, but I knew not to get my hopes up. Everything had changed and I would just have to deal with it.

And so I watched as Tobe thundered up the stairs. I hurried after him, doing my best to keep him in sight, following him into the long corridor that led to the lobby. Like the stairwell and the cellblock, it was dark.

The acrid tang of smoke tainted the air.

‘Come on, Bill,’ Tobe shouted. ‘Or you’ll miss all the fun.’

He was nothing but a bobbing dot of light at the end of the corridor. I picked up my pace, not to please him but because I wanted to get outside as soon as I could, before some Creep stumbled upon me. The lobby grew ever closer; I rushed through the open door.

I came to an immediate halt—my torch was a pitiful thing that barely dented the gloom; there was no sign of Tobe; I was completely exposed; standing out like the proverbial.

And then I was suddenly blinded.

‘Good, it’s you.’

Tobe stopped shining his torch in my face. He stood on the other side of the cluttered room, in front of the doors that led outside. He flicked his torch off and slipped it in his pocket, taking hold of the doorknob.

He looked at me. He smiled wickedly.

‘Come on, Bill, what are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas?’

And then he disappeared through the door.

TWENTY-TWO

I followed Tobe into a newborn hell on earth—twilight had fallen while we had been in the cell block, its eerie pink and purple glow playing second fiddle to immense tongues of flame that leaped into the air. The full moon on the horizon was a dull smudge, struggling to cut through the billowing clouds of smoke. The street in front of me—the wide boulevard that cut the camp in half—was completely empty. A shot rang out. Without thinking, I ducked behind one of the towering stone columns that helped give the courthouse its bygone air. More gunfire rang out: the harsh crack of a rifle, the rat-a-tat-tat of some kind of machine gun, the thunderclap of a shotgun.

I couldn’t see who was shooting, couldn’t see who was being shot at.

‘Tobe!’ I yelled.

No answer.

Something exploded to the left of me, throwing me off my feet. I scrabbled back up as fast as I could, looked around, saw that someone had lobbed a Molotov or a jerry-rigged equivalent through one of the courthouse windows, setting fire to its insides.

‘Come on!’ a voice screamed.

Someone was running across the street, heading for the courthouse steps, a half-dozen people trailing behind. In the flickering light they were a shambling horde, holding aloft broken branches, pieces of wood, and lengths of metal. There wasn’t a real weapon to be seen.

‘Bastards!’ their leader yelled, loud enough to be heard over the gunfire.

More shots rang out, sparks kicking up brightly off the street. The mob of holdouts started to fall, one by one. I guessed there were Creeps on a roof somewhere, snipers happily plying their trade. For all I knew, they were on the roof above me. I watched helplessly as one of the felled holdouts twitched, groaned, started screaming. Another shot rang out. The holdout fell still.

Blood pooled around the bodies. My stomach heaved. I tasted bile.

‘Tobe!’ I yelled again.

‘For fuck’s sake, Bill, keep it down.’

I looked to my left. Nothing. I looked to my right.

‘Jacko?’

It was a stupid question; I recognised him straightaway. If I had been a little more clearheaded, his presence might have made some kind of sense, conforming to the nightmare logic that the day had imposed.

But I wasn’t clearheaded. I was terrified.

‘Come on,’ Jacko said. ‘Tobe’s waiting.’

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. ‘You what?’

‘We go way back, Tobe and I. That’s how long I’ve been here.’ Jacko patted the courthouse, almost affectionately. ‘Who do you think helped make this happen?’ he asked, waving at the warzone the camp had become.

He smiled to himself. He fiddled with something in the pocket of his coat. I looked harder, saw a furry little snout sticking out of it. Jude worked the rest of his head free and then growled at me. Jacko reached down, gave him another pat and another scratch, managed to settle him down.

And then Jacko took off, hugging the wall, keeping out of the Creeps’ line of sight. I was overwhelmed by the temptation to seek shelter away from Tobe’s madness and instead hopefully ride out the chaos he had unleashed in some kind of peace. But I wanted to see Ruby, even if—as I feared—it was just to say goodbye.

I didn’t care about farewelling Tobe.

Jacko was surprisingly fleet of foot for an old man, already disappearing down one of the alleys leading to the square. I hurried after him. A mob of people were already streaming in the opposite direction; it was as if the courthouse was a magnet for their pent-up hate. I stopped at the mouth of the alley, remembering the Creeps on the roof. I tried to warn the mob, to keep them back. Instead, I was shouldered aside, my words drowned out by their screams of anger and hate.

Another explosion lit up the sky.

It was so bright that I shut my eyes involuntarily. When its pulsing red afterimage had faded, I saw that the mob was now pouring into the street, completely exposed. All I could do was watch as they were cut down.

‘Forget them,’ Jacko said, taking my arm. He literally pulled me into the alley.

I stumbled, found my feet, and followed him. Panicked people pushed and shoved, not knowing where they were going or what they were doing, stirred up by the clouds of acrid smoke.

We kept on. The further into the camp we pushed, the more the crowds thinned out.

‘What’s going on?’ I asked, breathing heavily. ‘Where is everyone?’

‘People are either fighting or hiding, same as it ever was.’

And then we turned a corner, entering another alley whose far end was ablaze. The air itself was hotter than the midday sun, the kiln-dry wood of the shantytown shacks the perfect fuel for a firestorm. Jude whined to himself; I could somehow hear it over the noise of people screaming, crying, calling names into the inferno. More people were inside the burning buildings—some staggered back and forth, at one with the flames, while others moved more purposefully.

Someone suddenly burst free. They collapsed in the street, dropping a bundle they were carrying.

Their clothes were smoking, smouldering, ablaze. Someone else threw a blanket over them, started patting them down. The bundle moved. I heard a baby cry. I took a step forward. Someone beat me to it, picking up the poor little thing, cuddling them tight.

Jacko took my arm again, pulled me away, leading us into yet another alley.

Through holes in the walls of some of the junkyard homes, I saw families cowering in fear. Through others, I saw looters picking through abandoned possessions. The vulture-hunger that spurred them on knew no bounds, no decency. We turned another corner, entered another alley.

‘Where are you taking me?’ I asked.

Jacko laughed. ‘Where do you reckon?’

Half-blinded by shock, I hadn’t realised that we were in ‘our’ alley. I saw the tattered curtain that sealed off Jacko’s shack, a dull light spilling from underneath it. We drew up to the shack. Sweat was dripping off me; not the sweat of exertion, but that of panic and fear. Jacko knocked shave-and-a-haircut on the splintered doorjamb, shoved me though the curtain.

‘G’day, Bill.’

Tobe stood there smiling, holding his hand out for me to shake. He had a rifle slung over his shoulder, a pistol in his belt.

Despite all that, I punched him in the face as hard I as I could.

‘Fuck you.’

I flexed my hand; punching him had really hurt. Tobe rocked on his heels but didn’t fall back. He reached up, wiped blood off his lip. I ignored him, looking at Ruby instead. She was standing behind him. She was armed as well.

She smiled at me, a sad little thing that told me everything I needed to know.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked.

She nodded, looking like she wanted to cry.

‘You sure?’

‘No worries.’

I winked at her. I forced myself to look away—she needed affirmation, needed to know that her choice was okay, needed to know that we all thought she was tough enough to make it. We all did, of course. But it was time that she did too—there was no getting away from the fact that she had chosen to stick with Tobe.

It could have been worse—Tobe might have been a monster, but I was pretty sure that he would die for her if that’s what it took to keep her safe.

‘Now, Bill, here’s the plan,’ Tobe said.

I looked at him without speaking. He looked like he was suppressing a smile; he had a knowing glint in his eye, as if this was all a bit of a lark.

‘You have got to be joking,’ I said.

He frowned. ‘What’s wrong?’

It wasn’t a rhetorical question; there wasn’t a trace of sarcasm or humour in his voice.

I almost felt sorry for him.

‘Tobe, if you reckon that I’m going to…’

‘We’ve got trouble,’ Jacko said, cutting me off.

I had completely forgotten about him, and turned to look at him. Something had frightened him—his eyes were wide, his frown etched deep, his hands shook a little. Jude, who was still tucked into one Jacko’s pockets, raised his head. He whined softly, sensing Jacko’s fear.

‘What up?’ Tobe asked Jacko.

‘See for yourself.’

Tobe shouldered me aside and joined Jacko by the curtain.

‘Creeps. Shit.’

I took a step back, feeling naked without a weapon. Tobe pulled out his pistol, levelled it at the curtain. Ruby did the same. Jacko absently reached into his pocket, started patting Jude.

No one spoke. The silence stretched on. It must have only been a few seconds long, but that’s not how it felt. I groaned, unable to help myself. From the corner of my eye, I saw Tobe smile.

He was enjoying himself. I hated him. But I didn’t have time to dwell on the thought—a solitary Creep flicked the curtain aside and strode into the room.

I waited for something to happen, but no one moved.

‘There’s nothing here, sir,’ the Creep yelled over her shoulder. ‘I guess we were too late.’ She looked up at Tobe. She smiled shyly.

‘Good one, Grace,’ Tobe whispered. ‘Catch you down at the rail yard, okay?’

‘Yeah, you bet,’ she mouthed, letting the curtain fall back.

‘What?’

‘Sh.’

Tobe, Ruby and Jacko said it together, a muted choir. I shut my mouth, heard the crunch of heavy boots outside the shack. I looked at Tobe. He was counting on his fingers, a vicious smile on his face.

‘Shouldn’t be a problem,’ he whispered.

Jacko took Tobe’s arm, caught Tobe’s eye, shook his head.

Tobe frowned, pulling away from Jacko’s grip. ‘I’ve got this,’ he whispered.

‘Don’t be so bloody stupid.’

Tobe took a step forward. Jacko grabbed him again.

‘Don’t fucking touch me!’ Tobe yelled furiously, forgetting everything else.

Same old Tobe…

Jacko’s face fell. It was easy to understand why; I too hoped that no one else had heard Tobe’s rash venting of all the hate and madness I had only just come to know. But it didn’t really matter—without even checking that the way ahead was clear, Tobe rushed through the curtain.

‘You stupid bastard,’ Jacko said.

We all reluctantly followed Tobe into the alley. I knew that I would never have a better opportunity to slip away and be done with him forever, but I made a split-second decision, choosing to follow him in order to see that Ruby got away safely.

I knew that I might regret it. I didn’t really care.

The alley was empty. I breathed a sigh of relief, and we fell into a rough single-file line behind Tobe. He had drawn his pistol, was sweeping it back and forth. Ruby brought up the rear, awkwardly walking backwards, making sure no one snuck up on us.

The gun looked absurdly big in her small hand. It shook a little.

‘How we doing back there?’ Tobe asked her.

‘All clear.’ Her voice shook as well.

Tobe took his eyes off the metaphorical prize and looked back at her, his gaze passing over Jacko and I as if we weren’t even there.

‘Don’t worry, she’ll be ‘right.’

‘Yeah, sure.’ Ruby didn’t sound convinced.

Tobe brought us to a halt. Jacko and I groaned aloud.

‘I know what I’m doing, okay?’

‘Tobe,’ Ruby said. ‘Calm down.’

‘Don’t tell me what to do! Look, do you want out of here or not?’

‘Yeah, but…’

‘Then shut up and do as…’

A lone Creep sauntered into the alley, presumably drawn by one of Tobe’s fits of rage. The Creep didn’t have a weapon in his hand—he was either a rookie or arrogant enough to think that a desperate mob of holdouts wasn’t really a problem.

Even I knew that his mistake was a stupid one.

‘Get down!’ I yelled.

Tobe spun on the spot, trying to hide his caught-by-surprise expression behind a viscous smile.

I could see faint dots of white light behind the Creep; they bobbed, dipped, but didn’t flicker. Not firelight, not candlelight, but torchlight. More Creeps…

‘Over here!’ the Creep who had stumbled upon us yelled.

He reached for his pistol, but he never stood a chance. Tobe, his gun already in his hand, was too fast—without dropping his smile, he shot the Creep down. Jude immediately started barking, trying to scare away the man-made thunder. The Creep began twitching. Tobe shot him a second time, this time in the head.

My stomach heaved again. I tasted bile again.

‘Come on!’ Tobe screamed.

He had seen the torches as well, but was clearheaded enough to know they were heading our way.

‘Go! Go! Go!’

He ushered us into the nearest alley that intersected ours. Shots rang out, gouging chunks of wood from the buildings around us. We ran on, before anyone could take better aim. I had no idea where we were going; we seemed to be heading down alleys at random. More shots rang out; more wood exploded around us.

And still we ran, taking a left, entering yet another alley, joining a mob of holdouts who were all running in the same direction we were, frenzied now that the Creeps were out on the streets.

Tobe kept looking over his shoulder, making sure that we hadn’t lost him. Whenever he caught my eye, he winked at me.

‘Bastard,’ I muttered.

He somehow heard me. He looked back; despite everything that was happening, he smiled a cheeky smile. He ran straight into someone, bowling them over. I watched as he simply stepped over them.

‘Come on.’

‘Tobe, wait.’

‘There’s no time.’

I stopped anyway—fuck him. Whoever he had bowled over was already pushing themselves off the ground.

‘Dickhead,’ a woman said.

Her voice was soft, but nonetheless it sounded like she took no shit. I thought I recognised it. It couldn’t be…

‘You should watch where you’re bloody going,’ the woman said, looking up at us.

Louise’s mouth literally dropped open. Mine did the same. So did Ruby’s.

‘G’day,’ was all that Tobe said. He didn’t seem at all surprised.

‘Lou!’ Ruby called happily.

Louise reached out and ruffled her hair. Ruby forgot where she was, forgot what was happening—she dropped her gun, wrapped her arms around Louise’s legs.

‘I don’t ever want to wake up,’ I said, finding my voice, properly smiling for the first time in a long time.

‘Nice to see you too, Bill,’ Louise said.

A shiver ran down my spine. ‘How long have you been here?’

‘I got in today, would you believe it?’

We both laughed. What else could we do? Even though our world had gone to hell, there was still something to smile about.

More shots rang out; our tiny moment of happiness was ruined. It was the sound of automatic gunfire, rat-a-tat-tat. Once again, I couldn’t see who was shooting, couldn’t see who was being shot. Louise flinched, pulling Ruby with her to the ground.

As the gunfire petered out, Ruby slowly and deliberately wormed free.

‘I’m okay.’

Ruby picked up her gun, trying hard to look determined. I reached down, took Louise’s hand, helped her to her feet.

‘What happened?’ she asked.

I nodded at Tobe. ‘What do you think?’

I had never seen hate in Louise’s eyes before.

‘I knew it. Bill, I don’t want to say I told you so, but…’

More gunfire cut off her words. It was closer this time, louder. Louise flinched again as screams answered the gunfire. Over her shoulder, at the far end of the alley, I saw the shadows start to stir. I stared at them, slack-jawed, confused. Tobe caught me staring. Whatever was stirring made him gape as well.

‘Go! Go! Go!’ he shouted again, shining his torch into the darkness.

It was too late. The shadows turned out to be another mob of panicked holdouts, heading straight for us. There were thirty of them, maybe forty, maybe more. Running blindly, the flash of gunfire lighting up the night behind them, they moved like a stampeding herd.

‘Shit,’ was all Tobe managed to say.

The mob hit us like a living, breathing wall. I couldn’t help letting go of Louise’s hand.

‘No!’

It seemed like such a small word. How could something so small hold so much regret? And then I was being trampled and had bigger things to worry about. Jude howled. People screamed. Gunfire echoed around us. Rolled up in a foetal ball, I caught glimpses of holdouts running, of Creeps chasing them, of people falling. It felt like everyone managed to kick me in my barely healed ribs. But all in all, it was actually less painful than I had expected and was over before it really began.

However, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt and didn’t feel like it lasted forever.

‘Kill me now,’ I moaned.

I slowly got to my feet. A dozen bodies crowded the alley floor: dead Creeps and dead holdouts. One of them groaned, tried to sit up. When it looked up at me and smiled a bloody smile, I discovered it was Tobe. The remainder of his teeth had been kicked in, but he seemed otherwise okay. He scooped up his weapons, stood straight and easy. Ruby made it to her feet, her elbow bent backward at a hideous angle. I couldn’t see Jacko or Jude anywhere.

What was worse was that I couldn’t find Louise.

‘Lou!’ I cried.

‘Keep it down, Bill. You don’t want to bring the Creeps back. Now, come on, let’s go.’

‘Give me a sec.’

‘There’s no time.’

I saw torches bobbing ahead of us, in the direction the panicked mob had been heading. Creeps coming back to either rake the bodies or tend to the wounded, I guessed. It didn’t make any difference; it was trouble all the same.

‘What about Lou?’ I asked nonetheless. ‘What about Jacko?’

‘Forget them.’

Tobe took my arm, dragged me behind him, made sure Ruby was following. Shots rang out, close behind us. I fought against Tobe but he was too strong. My feet caught on something; I stumbled, tripped. Tobe hauled me back up and kept dragging me, until I was forced to run along with him.

‘Tobe!’ I screamed.

‘Give it a rest.’

‘Let me go!’

‘Drop it, Bill. Lou wouldn’t come with us anyway.’

That was yet another reason to go back, maybe the most important one.

‘But…’

We ran into the empty square and came to a halt, exposed on open ground. I hadn’t even caught on that the alley had ended. Someone flicked on a spotlight, shone it in our eyes. I heard the metallic click of guns being cocked. Tobe let me go. I threw my hands above my head.

‘Dickhead,’ he smirked.

The light dipped.

‘You lot, get out of here, now!’ the holdout manning the spotlight yelled.

Three or four other holdouts stood alongside him, all armed, waiting for the Creeps who were hot on our collective tail.

We had walked into an ambush…

‘Shoot straight, you bastards!’ one of the holdouts yelled.

I dropped, hugged the ground. Tobe and Ruby did the same.

The holdouts shot straight. The Creeps behind us replied in kind, bullets whizzing above our heads. I gritted my teeth, managed to turn my head, looked at Tobe, looked at Ruby. She was crying, had given in to it. He craned his neck, looked left and right as well.

‘Keep low and follow me!’ he yelled, pointing to an alley leading away from the square.

The body of a Creep fell on me, drenching me in blood, giving me no chance to reply. I heaved it off. Disgusted, I almost jumped to my feet before it clicked that doing so was an exceptionally bad idea.

‘Why?’ I asked no one in particular.

Tobe looked at me, his face worried. ‘You okay?’

I couldn’t help laughing.

‘What’s so funny?’ he asked.

‘You are, Tobe—you’re such an animal.’

He didn’t really understand. ‘Hang on, Bill. I did this for you, to make up for what I’ve done.’

Despite the violence, the madness and the bullets whizzing above our heads, I could see that he wanted his words to be taken seriously.

I couldn’t help asking myself a stupid question: why now?

‘I didn’t ask for this, Tobe.’

He opened his mouth, ready to argue with me. I waved around pathetically, almost had my hand shot off.

‘How could you think that this is okay?’

Tobe stammered, unable to answer my question. Ruby kept crying. The firefight raged on.

‘I needed a diversion,’ Tobe said, as if that was justification enough.

‘And you just assumed that I’d be okay with it,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘You assumed that I’d just come along like always.’

‘Well, yeah. Don’t you want to get out of here?’

My smile was all the answer he needed.

And then something exploded in the direction of the spotlight, showering us with dirt. The gunfire kept on, but it was less intense now. I craned my neck, blinked grit away, looked to the spotlight. The gunfight had become almost entirely one-sided, the heavy crack of the Creeps’ weapons answered by one last holdout, pinned down, outgunned, overwhelmed.

‘Last chance, Bill,’ Tobe said. ‘Come on.’

‘Haven’t you been listening?’

‘Yeah, of course I have. How many times can I say I’m sorry?’

That was the moment when I knew that things would never change.

‘Now, come on,’ he said. He looked away, looked to the alley. ‘Ruby? You take the lead, you’re the smallest and the fastest,’ Tobe yelled, oblivious to my cold smile of satisfaction.

It felt so good to finally know.

He shuffled around so that Ruby could worm past. She looked at me, looked at Tobe, reluctantly did as he said. He shoved her on, harder than was necessary.

‘Move it!’

She started crawling, didn’t look back. I whispered a goodbye. I heard the last holdout scream. It could have been pain; it could have been anger. Either way, his time was short. Tobe started to slither after Ruby. I didn’t move.

‘Bill, let’s go,’ he said, looking back at me.

‘No.’

Tobe froze. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.’

‘I’m not coming.’

His eyes bugged. As I had hoped, seeing the look on his face made it all worthwhile.

‘Tobe, I’m tired of being hungry and thirsty all the time.’

He didn’t say anything. I guessed he was thinking about grabbing me by the scruff and hauling me along. After all, he had already done it once that day. But we both knew he couldn’t drag me after him fast enough to escape the Creeps.

‘And I’m tired of following you. I’m tired of having to follow you. Who are you, Tobe? Look what you’ve done.’

He flinched away from my words, wouldn’t meet my eye, and looked ahead instead. Ruby was almost at the alley. He manned up, looked back at me. I twisted the knife.

‘I don’t have to worry about what might happen, because it’s already happened.’

I thought of Louise’s smile, and the fact that she might still be alive. We could be together…

‘I’m sorry,’ Tobe said.

He looked me in the eye. He was crying, silently. I didn’t shed a tear.

‘I don’t care anymore, Tobe. I honestly couldn’t give a shit.’

‘But…’

‘I’m done.’

It felt good to say.

Another explosion came from the direction of the spotlight, more death and more insanity caused by Tobe’s recklessness.

The gunfire stopped.

‘And we’re done,’ I said in the sudden quiet.

That felt good too.

Tobe and I stared at each other for what I knew would be the last time. We didn’t really need to say anything more. Despite everything that had happened, there was still that instant knowing—that silent click—that only happens when you’ve been mates for years. It’s that ability to know what someone’s thinking by the way they flick the ash off their bush tobacco, the way they shake their head, the way they squint in the sun.

‘Now, piss off,’ I said.

He smiled a crooked smile. I returned it in spades. He looked away. Ruby had made it to the alley and was waiting in the shadows. He shook his head, making up his mind.

‘Catch you later,’ he said over his shoulder as he started crawling away.

‘No worries.’

What else could I say?

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks must first go to Mia, my beautiful Mia. Without your feedback, encouragement, enthusiasm and love, The Rain Never Came wouldn’t exist. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Thanks must also go out to Rose and Steve—a son couldn’t ask for better or more supportive parents—and to Lucy, the best little sister a brother could have. Who would have thought that a long ago move from the suburbs to the bush would have helped create a book?

An extra special ‘thank you’ goes out to all the fine folk at Odyssey Books, but especially to Michelle. Your careful eye, attention to detail and flair for editing made the book what is today, and your endless patience with my innumerable questions will always be appreciated. And, of course, thank you for picking it up in the first place and giving a budding author a chance.

Thanks, as well, to Alexis and Chris, who supervised and supported me during my PhD days. Your expect feedback helped The Rain Never Came move from an idea to a reality, and your guidance through the world of literary theory and criticism allowed me to invest the book with a rich and undeniably ‘Australian’ flavour.

Thanks to Matt for the inspiring images and for being my brother in science-fiction, and to Merlin for all the good times and for collaborating on the musical side of the publicity machine, and to the rest of the fellas: Andy, Craig, Riah, and Jules. I couldn’t have asked for a better bunch of mates. And thanks to everyone at BAAG, and especially to Lindy and Paul—your patience with my odd rosters and on-off hours gave me the freedom I needed to just get it done.

Lastly, thanks go out to you, dear reader. Without your interest in Australian science-fiction, we wouldn’t have our own particular Antipodean take on the genre.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lachlan Walter is a writer and nursery hand (the garden kind, not the baby kind), who has completed a PhD in Australian post-apocalyptic fiction and national identity. He writes science fiction criticism for Aurealis magazine, reviews for the independent ‘weird music’ website Cyclic Defrost, and is currently writing a serious book-length story cycle about giant monsters, as well as a science-fiction western. He loves all things music-related, the Australian environment, overlooked genres, and gardening.

www.lachlanwalter.com

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Copyright

Published by Odyssey Books in 2017

www.odysseybooks.com.au

Copyright © Lachlan Walter 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, including internet search engines or retailers, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying (except under the statutory exceptions provisions of the Australian Copyright Act 1968), recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher.

National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry

Author: Lachlan Walter

Title: The Rain Never Came / Lachlan Walter

ISBN: 978-1-922200-93-8 (pbk)

ISBN: 978-1-922200-96-9 (ebook)

Content

Lachlan Walter
THE RAIN NEVER CAME

ONE

TWO

THREE

FOUR

FIVE

SIX

SEVEN

EIGHT

NINE

TEN

ELEVEN

TWELVE

THIRTEEN

FOURTEEN

FIFTEEN

SIXTEEN

SEVENTEEN

EIGHTEEN

NINETEEN

TWENTY

TWENTY-ONE

TWENTY-TWO

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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