David Larson

THE MYTH OF THE ANAL PROBE

One:

The first sensation that Mike had was that he really had no sensations at all. No feeling of weight, or heaviness, no sound, no cold or hot, nothing. And apparently he was immersed in total darkness. At least he thought he was in total darkness. The thought had occurred to him that he may just have his eyes closed. But for the time being that would be just fine. Keeping himself in the dark would give him the chance to reflect on the past events, as he remembered them, and he could do a little work on getting his bearings back.

He remembered driving down 28 at night on his way home from poker night at the VFW. Sure, he had a few beers, but he certainly wasn’t drunk. Well, not drunk enough to pass out or anything. Then he remembered the radio acting up and the headlights on his truck started flashing on and off. Yeah, that was goofy, but not as goofy as the huge bright blinding lights that came next. Jesus, everything in the cab was washed in this all-consuming, bright white, retina burning light that came from no place and every place all at the same time.

That was what he was struggling with now. What the hell was that light? Was it a truck in the wrong lane? Had it hit him? Was he… well, you know. No, that’s not possible; in fact, by the time the light thing started he wasn’t moving at all. The truck had totally died. And then what? Well, he was there, and now he’s here, wherever here was, and that, as they say, was that.

“Well Mikey” he thought to himself, “You certainly could answer that last question just by opening your freaking eyes.”

Slowly he started to force back the lid on one side. The room, or whatever he was in, was flooded with a very warm and inviting white light.

“Would you like to sit up?” A voice from someplace close to his head said.

Instantly Mike snapped his one opened eye back shut and faked sleep.

“I know you’re awake, Mike” the voice said, “you might as well open your eyes and get this over with.”

Over with…. Oh, sweet Jesus, that couldn’t be good. He started snoring, hoping the voice would get the message.

“Come on buddy,” the voice said. “Why don’t you just open those peepers, sit up and we can have a nice long talk.”

Very slowly Mike started to open both eyes. That was about the time he realized he was floating about four feet off the floor, flat on his back.

“Holy shit!” he screamed as he slammed his eyes back shut.

He could hear a soft laugh coming from the voice near his head.

“Sorry,” the voice said, still laughing “Every time I see that reaction it cracks me up. Do you really think if you close your eyes, whatever is causing you discomfort is going to magically go away?”

“You know, a long time ago we stood guys like you on their head in the corner and bet on how long it would take them to pass out. Unfortunately, that tends to create trust issues, and kind of shoots the entire ‘abduction,’ as your people like to call it, in the ass.”

The voice was beginning to move around to Mike’s feet.

“What the hell happened to your sense of humor?” it said “You guys used to be great fun! Running around naked in the woods, setting shit on fire. Oops, pardon my French. Isn’t that what you say now?

“Come on pal. Slide those beautiful blues open so we can get on with it. I have a date on the Holo Deck in an hour.”

The voice burst out laughing. “I’m sorry dude. We don’t really have a Holo Deck; I was just jerking your chain a little. Man, I never get tired of that one though. Hey, beam me up you Scottish Dick Head!”

More uncontrollable laughter. “Oh man, I kill myself. WHEW! OK, OK, I’m sorry, really, I’m finished now. Just sit up tiger… really… or I swear to God I’ll take my Phaser off stun. OK, really that’s the last one. I’m done now. Really”

Slowly, again, Mike opened his eyes. If nothing else it seemed it would make the voice happy.

“Atta boy. I knew you could do it. And see, no pillar of salt, no demons dancing around with pitch forks, nothing. Now just stand up.”

Mike put one foot down onto what he assumed was a floor and then he put the other one next to it. The rest of him was still lying down. A suppressed nasal snicker snorted from the voice.

“I’m sorry dude, really. You just look ridiculous like that. How about going for broke and snap tall, as they say?”

Mike forced himself upright and standing before him was a man looking very much like a very fit, 40-something, Jerry Garcia. He was wearing a pair of topsiders, no socks, jeans, what looked like a hemp belt, a white raw silk shirt, and puka beads.

Mike opened his mouth to say something and the man held up his hand, barely able to suppress another wave of laughter.

“Please don’t say it. It kills me every time,” he said.

“Say what?” Mike croaked out.

“You know.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Alright, what were you going to ask me?”

“Are you God?”

The man turned his back and was shaking trying to keep from laughing out loud. Finally, he was able to regain some sort of composure and turned back to Mike.

“No my son,” he said with a broad grin, “far from it, actually.”

“Why don’t we sit over here?” He motioned over to a pair of very comfortable looking chairs. “We can relax and I’ll answer all the questions you might have. But first, I’m Bob.” He extended his right hand to Mike.

Mike shook hands with Bob and followed him to the chairs.

“That’s a very interesting custom you people have, the whole hand shaking thing. What amazes me is how universal it is. It transcends so many other barriers. Do you have any idea where it came from?” Mike just looked at him. “No? Well let me educate you my friend. The majority of you are right handed, just like us actually, no surprise there though. Thousands of years ago you would greet each other by showing that you didn’t have a sword, or stick, or rock, or dead cat, or whatever in your fighting hand. Eventually, you started to grab that hand in order to stop any quick-acting shenanigans. Pretty sad testament, wouldn’t you say?”

Nothing

“Close your mouth Mike. Something could land in there. Just nod if you’re getting any of this.”

“How do you know my name?” Mike asked.

Bob leaned forward and rested his right hand on his knee. “We know everything, Earth Man!” He made a wide sweeping gesture with his free hand, and Mike jerked back in his chair. Bob raised both hands above his head. “Do you think we can do all this, everything you see around you?” All Mike could see was a white room with nothing in it but two chairs, himself, and a lunatic. “All of THIS! And we don’t know your name?!”

Bob slumped back in the chair “Relax baby, I’m just bullshitin’ you a little. We got your name off your driver’s license. Pretty crafty, huh?”

“Where am I?”

“Well that all depends on how deep you want to get into the answer. You are sitting in a chair across from me, or you’re in one of the acclimation rooms, or you’re on Deck 2, or you’re on the Douglas Adams deep space exploration cruiser, or… well past that I can’t tell you much. I haven’t been to navigation in a few days, and well, to be totally honest with you, I skipped out on the underway briefing when we left so I could catch a few ‘Bay Watch’ reruns while we were still close enough. But, do me a favor and don’t tell Gary. That guy is such a tight ass.”

“Gary?”

“Yeah, Gary.”

“Am I on a space ship?” Mike asked.

“Basically”

“Then you’re a…”

“Great dancer?”

“Are you an Alien?” Mike asked weakly.

“Alien to what?”

“Oh my God!” Mike said jumping out of his chair. He didn’t see a door anyplace to bolt for, and apparently the room was round so he couldn’t find a corner to hide in.

“Please,” Mike had dropped to his knees, “please don’t give me the Anal Probe.”

“Geez, what the hell is up with you people and the anal fixation? As soon as you figure out where you are, you want to start talking about sticking things up your ass. Is that the way you act when you go to a friend’s house? ‘Hey great new TV there buddy. Mind if I stick the remote up my ass?’

“Let me explain something to you clowns. One time, ONE TIME, we have this guy up here and he hasn’t had a bowel movement for like three days. So, we give him an enema, got it, an enema, that’s all! Nothing more sinister than that! Now we constantly have to go through this ‘Anal Probe’ crap. Man oh man, you people can hold a grudge. Get back in your chair”

“Sorry” Mike said.

“Look,” Bob said easing back into his chair. “If we can get past all the ‘rectal phobia’ thing, I’ll start by laying out some information to you and we can go from there. You can ask anything you want and I’ll be more than happy to tell you. Nothing is a secret here. Well, nothing except who has been using the skipper’s head, but that’s not important now.”

“The skippers head?” Mike asked weakly “what is someone doing with the skipper’s head? Did they cut it off?”

Mike swallowed hard

Bob was laughing uncontrollably.

“No,” Bob finally said as he wiped a tear off his cheek “Not that kind of head. His bathroom. Someone keeps pooping in his bathroom and doesn’t flush.”

“Where was I?” Bob snorted one last chuckle. “Cut it out,” he said to himself, “oh yeah.”

“First, this is a ‘space ship’.” Bob made the finger quotation marks in the air. “And we are from, well, let’s just say from someplace other than your solar system. Next, we snatched you from your car.” Bob held up his hand. “And before you spit out the obligatory ‘why me’ the fact is you just happened to be in the right, or wrong, place in the right, or wrong, time.

“As for what are we going to do with you, well, that’s kind of complicated.”

The blood instantly drained from Mikes face, as it went looking for someplace safe deep in his chest cavity, and farther from the vicinity of the mad man sitting comfortably in front of him.

Bob rested a reassuring hand on Mike’s knee. “Not complicated like that old buddy. We’re going to talk is all, and I don’t mean that in the whole Hitler and ‘it’s just a shower’ thing. Really, we’re going to have a conversation. Then when we’re done we’ll drop you off wherever you want to go. OK?”

Mike nodded apprehensively.

“Just one thing though,” Bob went on. “You can never eat ice cream, use the word ‘Bolero’ in sentence, or wear the colors green and yellow in the same week ever again. Got it?”

Mike nodded.

“Lighten up Melvin.” Bob said “I’m just jerking around. Well except for the Bolero thing.” Bob winked.

“OK then” Bob said slapping his knees. “Let’s get started.” Behind him a giant picture of space materialized on the wall.”

“Is that a window?” Mike asked.

“No, dickhead, it’s a television. I use it for my slide presentation. Christ, you people need to get out more.” Bob got out of his chair and walked around to the screen.

“This is a picture of our solar system. Hundreds of millions of years ago we developed ‘near planet’ space travel, and man was that cool. Unfortunately, after a while this got to be boring.” The picture next to Bob turned into one of what looked like an astronaut sitting on a crate, picking his nose. “So, long story short, we developed deep space exploration.” The next picture was one of the same astronaut jumping up in the air with a look of total joy on his face. “Once we perfected the whole magnetic drive thing we were zooming around space like wild men, exploring this frozen shithole and that desert wasteland. And do you know what we found?” The screen went blank. “Not a damned thing.”

“Now, I know you are going to find this hard to believe, but we are pretty stress free at home.” The screen was back on with a picture of a bunch of people hugging each other. “We have always been vegetarians. Killing for food never made a lot of sense. We don’t fight or argue, and we have never had a war. The concept of your politics and religion make no sense to us. We don’t need laws and rules telling us how to treat each other, telling us not to screw each other over. We all work together for the common good and betterment of each other.”

The picture was now one of a lab with a lot of scientists in lab coats, working. “Consequently, with all that time on our hands, we have been able to make great advances in our civilization. Then one day, somebody got a bright idea” the screen now had a picture of a man from the nose up with a light bulb above his head. “Why don’t we start looking for places that can sustain our type of life forms and start to populate other planets?”

“Nice graphics,” Mike said.

“Hey butt-wad, just remember which one of us has the interstellar space ship here.” He pointed back at the screen. “May I?”

“Sorry.” Mike said.

“As I was saying,” The picture changed to a man and woman holding hands and smiling in a beautiful garden filled with animals and birds that all seemed to be in perfect harmony with each other. “We actually found several planets that were much like our own. We made a few alterations. Long story short, we dropped off our colonizing crew and the rest is blissful, and I might add, very successful history.”

“Then you found us?” Mike asked.

“Not exactly ace, then we found your planet. For all practical proposes it was the most perfect place for colonization we had ever seen. It was exactly like our home planet. We just had one problem.”

“We were already there.”

“Man, you guys certainly have evolved into a bunch of myopic shits haven’t you? Do you know why you freaked out so bad when you came to in here? Because you clowns think you have all the answers, that’s why.

“You actually think that if it’s in a history book it must be fact, or if you were taught it in school, or church, that’s just the way it is. You look back into your own past and laugh when you read that some of the greatest thinkers of their time were persecuted, chastised, imprisoned, and even tortured by the church for saying such wild things as the Earth is round, or it revolves around the sun. And now you actually have the audacity to think you have all the answers.

“Let me tell you something. There actually is a library on my home planet that is FILLED with shit Earth people don’t know. And right next to it is an annex filled with shit Earth people think they know but actually don’t.”

“Jesus!” Mike groused, “I’m sorry. I’m trying to cooperate here, wherever here is, so how about cutting me a little slack.”

“Yeah, I know.” Bob said gently. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.

“At any rate, what we found were a whole bunch of carnivores with real crappy attitudes.” The next slide was what appeared to be an actual photograph of a bunch of dinosaurs tearing the hell out of some other, smaller dinosaurs. “This caused us some real heart burn. We aren’t a very aggressive people and we don’t kill for the sake of killing. We debated this problem for nearly 200 years.”

“Oh my God” Mike gasped, wide-eyed, “how old are you?”

“I’m 42, Mike. Our life span, not surprisingly, is the same as yours. We don’t think in the moment. We think out problems as critical as this for as long as it takes until we come up with an answer that will work for the very long term. I think you people are involved in a war right now that could have been circumvented with a little more talking and cooperation.

“That being said, we decided that the best thing to do was sterilize the worst types, let them live out the rest of their lives, and step quietly out of the picture.”

“Sterilize how,” Mike asked?

“The normal way of course. Wait until they are sleeping, then sneak up on them, cut their nuts off, and run like hell.”

“Really?”

“Of course not numb-nuts. We used localized medical radiation from a very long distance.”

“Oh.”

“Eventually the problem took care of itself, with help from us, and we made ready with our first colonization trip to earth.”

“Hey, hey, hold on!” Mike jumped out of his chair.

“Yes.” Bob said smiling.

“Are you trying to tell me…”

“Yes?”

“Oh man, that’s bullshit! You… we… us… and you guys. Creation? Early man? Ah, horseshit! This is a joke, right? Where’s the camera?”

“And while we’re at it,” Mike asked incredulously “How is it that you conveniently speak English?”

“I don’t,” Bob answered. “We inserted a small chip into your temple. That’s the thing you keep scratching.”

Mike absently reached up and ran his index finger along a space on the side of his head that felt like a small ant bite.

“Non menici den atlla poncharni!” Bob said insistently, “Konanrno exponcharni.”

It sounded like Bob was speaking a language that floated someplace two-thirds between Italian and Hawaiian.

“What?” Mike asked.

Bob reached over and ran his index finger up on the same area on mike’s temple.

“I said,” Bob repeated, this time in English, “stop dicking around with it. That’s how you shut it off. It’s a translator just under your skin. I speak and you hear in a way that you can understand.”

“Notice,” Bob went on “I said understand… not comprehend.”

“Is that why when you speak it’s like watching a foreign movie with bad dubbing?”

“Interesting correlation,” Bob said “but… yeah. You’ll get used to it eventually.”

“Come with me brother. I want to show you something,” Bob said, putting his hand on Mike’s shoulder.

Bob walked up to the wall and a door silently slid open. Bob turned to Mike and motioned with his index finger. They walked out into a long curving corridor, that was the same bright, antiseptic white as the room they had just left. A few men and women passed by and smiled warmly at Mike. As they reached the end of the hallway, a door slid open revealing what was unmistakably the flight deck of some type of space ship, complete with a giant front window that clearly showed they were someplace in outer space.

A man, sitting in what appeared to be a commander’s chair in the middle of the flight deck, swiveled around to face Mike and Bob. He was in his mid thirties, very fit, with short black hair and reading glasses. He was wearing a three-piece suit. Mike stood there with his mouth hanging open, then raised his right hand, palm out and spread his middle and ring fingers apart in a Vulcan salute. Bob reached up and jerked Mike’s hand back down.

“How’s it hanging there, Gary?” Bob said.

“Wonderfully, thank you,” Gary replied. “How is our new friend getting along?”

“Great,” Bob said quickly, “just great. He thought this might be a practical joke.”

“Funny how you have that effect on people isn’t it?”

“Yeah, funny,” Bob smiled nervously.

“Is there anything we can do to make your stay here more comfortable sir?” Gary said to Mike.

Mike just stood there with his mouth hanging open. Bob nudged him with his elbow.

“Uh no,” Mike finally said. “No, I’m fine thanks.”

“Well, we’ll just be shuffling along then,” Bob said as he grabbed Mikes arm and started to move to the back of the flight deck. Gary smiled thinly and turned around.

“Just one thing” Mike said to Gary’s’ back. Bob squeezed Mike’s arm ‘til it hurt, and Mike jerked free of his grasp.

“Yes?” Gary said.

“Shouldn’t Bob here know where we’re going?”

Bob suddenly found his feet very interesting.

“Of course,” Gary said. “I can’t think of anyone on this ship that would have missed our pre-underway brief for any reason. Can you Bob?”

“Ah, who me? No, of course not. Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

“Thanks,” said Mike. “Just checking.”

Once out in the hallway, Bob stopped and turned to face Mike. “I bet you thought that was some real funny shit back there didn’t you?”

“No, I wanted to see if this was real or not.”

“And you thought getting my ass in a crack was a good way to do that?”

“Something like that,” Mike said. “Shall we return to the class room?”

“Yes, let’s.”

Once back in his chair, Mike said, “Look, I’m trying to swallow all of this, but even you have to admit it’s a lot to absorb. I have about eight million questions but I have this feeling you’re going to answer the majority of them for me eventually, so I’ll just wait till you’re finished.”

“Good,” Bob said. “As I said, we were ready to send our first colonization crew to Earth. We load up the ship and off we go. Unfortunately, someplace enroute, the crew developed a virus that we had never seen before, and the majority of them died just as they got to the destination. They had all of this equipment and supplies to drop off but there were only two colonists still living. They were adolescent twins, a brother and sister.”

The captain knew he needed the entire crew to take the ship back home, but he also knew that the trip would have been a waste if they didn’t drop off the stores and the two colonists that remained.”

“So, he set up shop, so to speak, and he told these kids that under no circumstances was there to be any hanky panky, because, as we all know, kids that come from blood relatives are never quite right.

“Off the mother ship goes with every intention of making a quick turn around and getting back in 30 or 40 years with more people. Fast forward 32 years and the next supply ship shows up and what do you suppose we find?”

Mike shrugged.

“These two had been banging each other like bunnies. There were little special people running around everyplace. I don’t mean big heads and drooling on yourself or anything. They were just slow. They were very aggressive and would fight with each other over everything. If one of them had something the other one wanted they would try to take it away, or try to find someway to beat the shit out of the owner and steal it.

“They were worshipping unseen beings, hoping that this entity would fix all their problems for them. And geez-o-petes, were these guys paranoid. They all thought all of the other ones were out to get them. In fact, they were so bad that they were screwing each other over in amazing ways and justifying it by saying they had to do these things in order to insure their own security.”

“So what did you do?” Mike asked.

“What could we do? We couldn’t kill them all. And we sure as hell couldn’t leave the colonists that we brought with us. They would never have survived with all those savage little turds running amok. So, we dropped off the supplies we brought and left vowing to return at regular intervals and check on how things were going.”

“Wait a minute,” Mike said. “Are you saying that Adam and Eve were actually you guys, and they were related, and now we’re all retarded?”

“Actually, their names were Mike and Gloria. I have no idea were the Adam and Eve thing got started, and if you think about the retarded thing, it all kind of makes sense.”

“Sense how?”

“Look, if you buy the ‘creation/Garden of Eden’ thing, then you most certainly buy the first man and woman being related thing, and consequently you know that all of their offspring had to be… well… special.”

“Then how do you explain all of the major advancement we’ve made? All the things we’ve done to make our life better?”

“The majority of those things are technology we gave you because we felt sorry for you. For Christ’s sake, it took you guys forever to learn to stop pissing upstream from the village you lived in. And ‘life better,’ are you kidding? We give you the formula for gun powder so site clearing for construction could be easier, and what did you do with it? We explain aerodynamics to the Wright brothers, and within 10 years of leaving the ground for the very first time, you strap guns onto the wings of one of the greatest things to come along in hundreds, if not thousands of years and try to find ways to shoot each other down. And you don’t even want me to get started on the whole nuclear energy thing.

“Anyway, we came back after a few hundred years…”

“What took so long?”

“Frankly, we were embarrassed. As I was saying, we came back and it was amazing. There were all of these separate groups living isolated from each other. They had lost the ability to communicate with each other, mostly because each group was afraid the other one was going to try and take their stuff.

“They had given up any kind of historical record-keeping long ago. Science, math, philosophy, any kind of social order or learning was gone. All they were worried about was either taking what the other tribe had or keeping the other tribe from taking what they had.

“They had no idea who we were and we scared the shit out of them. The first guy to teleport down landed in a pile of bear poop by accident. One of the tribal leaders saw this and the next thing you know this entire tribe of people were worshiping bear shit, the ‘bringer of the Sky God.’ You have no idea how many of those poor dumb bastards were mauled to death hanging around a bear’s ass.

“Things had clearly gotten out of hand. But what really blew us away was when this bunch started trying to kill all of the other, non-bear crap worshiping tribes because, get this, they were ignorant and unclean.”

“So what did you do?”

“We did the only thing we could do. We left, deciding that whenever we came back, we would try to be as stealthy as possible and do what we could to help. Unfortunately, the more we did to help the worse things got.”

“For example,” Mike said.

“Well, we pretty much let things run their course for several thousand years. We suggested some minor things every now and then, like stone tools, and then the bronze thing. But as far as social life, we just let them run around making each others life miserable.

“Then Barbara came along. I know she had the best of intensions and all, but wow, what a hornet’s nest she kicked up. She was the captain of one of our deep space research ships that was suppose to ‘observe’ this place for a while. When she gets here she sees that this one tribe, the Jews, are really getting the royal wiener stuck to them by the Pharaoh. So, she sends her science officer down to make a few suggestions to their leader.”

“Our transporters have always been real accurate, but way back then they had, well, heat issues. So, they locate this guy Moses and shoot the Science guy, Steve, down to have a little chat with him. Steve beams down right in the middle of this giant bush in front of Moses and the whole thing bursts into flames. Steve rolls out of the fire and yells, ‘holy shit, that was close.’ Apparently, all Moses heard was the ‘holy’ part.”

“Steve starts to tell Moses that he should think about talking to the Pharaoh and tell him that the slavery thing wasn’t working for him, and that he was going to gather up his people and seek better climes. But the whole time Steve is talking Moses keeps talking back to this burning shrub. Steve keeps saying ‘Hey Moses I’m over here,’ and Moses keeps saying ‘I know Lord I see you’ and Steve keeps telling him to stop talking to the flora then.

“Anyhow, the rest is twisted history as they say. Moses hits the road and walks into the desert. From what I understand there was a great amount of forehead slapping on the flight deck of the ‘Mary Maru’ when that happened. So, oddly enough, things go to hell in a hand basket out in the desert.

“First of all, these people have no idea how to survive in an environment like that. Steve beams back down to Moses and tells him that they are going to have to change the way they eat. Stop leavening the bread, stop boiling meat in milk, stop eating pork, that kind of thing. All of this stuff goes bad when you’re in the wilderness. Next thing you know… Kosher. Who’d a thunk it?

“Then these people revolt. They start wasting valuable resources and time by building religious shrines, they start screwing each other’s wives, daughters, and livestock, and stealing everything that’s not nailed down. Murder has become a national pastime and, no matter how hard he tries, Moses can’t do a thing to stop it. So he gets to the point where he’s had enough and goes off into the mountains to sulk.”

“Don’t tell me,” Mike said. “The Ten Commandments.”

“Well that’s what you call them. It was actually much simpler than that. Steve goes back down and tells Moses that he should really think about laying some rules down to these people and Moses says he’s tried that already. So, Steve says ‘Look, write this down. 1. You guys can’t kill each other… yadda, yadda, yadda.”

“Did you just ‘yadda, yadda’ the Ten Commandments?”

“Trust me, they weren’t as big a deal as they have turned out to be. So, Moses looks these rules over and tells Steve that these clowns are never going to listen to him. Steve tells him to say that this all comes directly from a source in the sky that is unquestionable.”

“What about the parting of the seas?”

“Yeah, well, about that. Barbara sees that the Pharaoh is closing in fast, so they come up with this bright idea to get the ship in low to the water and direct the Hyper Magnetic Drive into the Sea. That drive has a tendency to suck anything that’s not a solid toward it. That created a very shallow area right in front of the Jews, and they were able to cross to the other side.”

“That’s all great,” Mike said, “but why did you have to kill all the Pharaoh’s men?”

“Complete accident.” Bob said “In the middle of the operation one of the Pharaoh’s guys sees us out on the horizon and yells ‘Hey, what’s that over there?’ Barbara dumps the drive to move out of sight, and voila, a bunch of dead solders.”

“So, are you going to tell me that all the bible stories come from you guys?”

“No, not all of them. A lot of that stuff was just things that happened, and we got blamed for it. Like the whole Job thing. There was no conversation between God and Satan about this guy being holy or anything. Job just had a string of really, really shitty luck.”

“Look,” Bob said, “haven’t you ever wondered why all of these stories about people having direct conversations with God, and all of these miracles, and what ever, happened so long ago? Right up until that unfortunate incident with Jesus, and then nothing.”

“Are you saying that Jesus was one of you guys?”

“Hell no brother! That mess was all you people. That guy was just trying to make life better for all of you and look what he got for it. For three hundred years he was appreciated as a great man, not unlike Gandhi.

“Then this nut Constantine, who was a sun worshiper and pagan by the way, thinks Jesus comes to him in a vision and tells him how to kill hundreds of his enemies on the field of battle. Sounds like something Jesus would do doesn’t it. Then, when he’s victorious, he goes back to Rome and declares ‘Hey guys, Jesus is cool’. Unfortunately, the majority of Rome is Pagan at the time so he has a tough time selling that idea. So being the bright boy he was, he throws together a blue-ribbon committee called the council of Nicaea and they decide how to make Jesus more palatable to the masses.

“First he has to be has to be born of a divine being and a mortal that is a virgin. What’s up with you people and virgins by the way? If you check the stories, all Jesus-like characters in mythology came from the same humble beginnings. Next, they had to incorporate the holidays. Jesus’ birthday would coincide with the winter solstice his death with the spring festivities and so on.

“And finally, since Constantine had no intention of giving up his pagan ways, the Sabbath would be held during his original Sun God’s day… Sunday. Think about it, Jesus was a Jew, and a rabbi. So wouldn’t his followers, Christians, observe the same days Jesus did? Like the Sabbath on Saturday, Hanukah, and all that other stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Mike said. “I never really put much thought into it.”

“Of course not,” Bob went on. “Thinking rocks your boat, and you people HATE having your boat rocked. But, I digress.

“It seemed like everything we touched turned to shit. We realized that the Earth was going to be involved in a significant metrological event. So one of our guys stops by to tell Noah he might want to build a boat and let everybody else know what’s coming. Well as you know, everybody else gives him the finger, he loads up everything he can into his eager little craft and off they float.

“Job well done, lots of back slapping on the flight deck of the ‘Divine Intervention’, then what do they see? Two months after the water recedes, that jackass Noah is still sitting in his boat waiting for God to tell him he can disembark. TWO MONTHS! They almost died in there because we never thought to tell them to get out and find something to eat”!

“Boy,” Mike said. “When you put it like that I guess we are special.”

“I know its tough buddy” Bob said quietly “but them was the cards you was dealt.”

“So then what am I doing here?”

“Glad you asked,” Bob said. “We stop by occasionally to see how things are going and we take random samples. For example...you.”

“Thanks,” Mike said, not looking up from the floor.

“You’re welcome. We don’t give out technology anymore. Think of it as an electric fence around the live stock. We don’t want you out roaming around the galaxy raising hell and knocking things over.”

“We already have space travel,” Mike said.

“Actually, all you’ve done is go to your moon a few times and drop off some litter. The rest of that knowledge and technology you use to spy on each other and blow things up. We aren’t real worried about a bunch of wild-eyed Earthlings busting through a worm hole screaming ‘yee haw’ with guns a-blazin’ anytime soon. You’re far too preoccupied with screwing up each others lives.”

“Good point.”

“I have my moments.”

“So what now?”

“We put you back where ever you want to go.”

“Just like that?”

“Yep.”

“Then what was the point to all of this? Was it just some kind of a personal ass chewing?”

“Not at all. We know you’re evolving constantly. We find someone like you, give you all the knowledge of how things really are. Then we see what you do with it.”

“And what is usually done with it?”

“I think you already know that. Some people run around yelling about having things stuck up their ass. Some people decide no one will listen and keep the whole thing to themselves. But, you also have the Mother Teresa and Gandhi types on one hand, and the Hitler, Pol Pot, and Idi Amin types on the other.”

“You mean they…?” Mike asked.

“Yep,” Bob said. “Now you just tell us were you’d like to get dropped off and the rest is up to you.”

“I think that I may have a better idea,” Mike said thoughtfully.

Two:

Absolutely no one on the flight deck of the Douglas Adams was happy. Crew members sat impassively boring holes in control consoles with their eyes. Their faces were fixed with unmoving stares that would have been better served on the faces of post-apocalyptic holocaust survivors on Day One of the end of every single creature comfort they had ever known.

Gary sat slumped in the commander’s chair. His erect posture was gone, reading glasses dangling from a left hand that was woefully weighing down the attached arm as it lay depressingly draped over the lushly padded arm rest. He was deeply kneading the bridge of his nose between tightly clenched eyes.

Bob stood facing him. Hands shoved so far into the front pockets of his well-worn jeans that they seemed to be pulling his waist forward at an odd angle. His legs were spread comfortably apart, and he stared at Gary with that infinite air of patience that usually made people want to smash him right in his sanctimonious face.

“Let me see if I get this right,” Gary said, still rubbing his nose as if his life depended on it. “Our guest is now all about trying to do the right thing and affect some type of change on the little house of horrors that we built so long ago.” He stopped the incessant rubbing, and stared at his neatly polished shoes.

“But in order to do this he wants us to take him home with us first. That way he can get a better handle on how we live as a peaceful, thriving society.” Gary looked up and glared at Bob.

“Is that about right?”

“Yup,” Bob said as he rocked back on his heels.

“And you think this is a good idea?” Gary asked, more as an indictment than an actual question.

“Yup,” Bob said.

“Can you give me any shred of sane thought as to how you came to this conclusion? How you decided that bringing a mentally disturbed, hostile, violent being like this, unfettered, back to our world was a good idea?” Gary asked through clenched teeth. “And remember, I specifically put emphases on the word sane.”

“Yup…” Bob said, as he smiled smugly.

“I swear Bob,” Gary said as he went back to rubbing his temples with both hands “One of these days you’re going to go too damned far.”

“Look,” Bob started as he freed one hand from a frayed pocket. “How long did you think it was going to be before one of these poor unfortunates was going to ask for that very same thing? And at some point we were going to have to acquiesce?”

“That question,” Gary said pointing at Bob with his readers “has been asked and answered in the past Bob. And it will be the same answer right now.”

“I know the history,” Bob said. “The future King David and that other one…” Bob snapped his fingers repeatedly in an effort to help the name materialize in his brain. “Ummmmmmmmmmm, dingle berry, boysenberry…”

“Roddenberry?” Gary helped.

“Yeah, that guy,” Bob said with one final finger snap for emphasis.

“Gene. Those guys were real thinkers, and just chomping at the bit to do something positive. I know we didn’t even consider it for the ancients. I mean they were just waaaaaaaay to far out there in the flogging and killing department. And the more recent ones, well, I personally think we just got a little too big for our holier-than-thou britches. Roddenberry would have been the perfect candidate.”

“Look,” Bob continued with both hands outstretched, palms up.

“How long have we been doing this? Thousands of years at least. We keep getting the same results from doing the same things over and over. We’re constantly hoping that eventually we get the right combination of personality and time in history to turn this high-speed train of misery around.

Look what happened to that Koresh kid. What a goat rope. And we just sat up here clicking our tongues and shaking our heads like we were completely blameless in that mess. And that young girl… ah… Joan, from France. Come on Gary.”

“Just how,” Gary said, uncoupling Bob’s train of thought, “is bringing a lunatic back to a peaceful and happy planet going to fix this? Do we just turn him loose and hope that he doesn’t hurt anyone? Do we parade him around like one of earth’s monkeys in a zoo for people to gape at?”

“Not at all,” Bob started.

“Not at all is the perfect answer,” Gary said, cutting Bob off again. “Have you been paying the least bit of attention to what’s going on down there?” Gary nearly leapt out of the commander’s chair as he thrust his finger at the floor for emphasis. “Those people are, at best, clinically insane. Every single day they kill each other in the most heinous ways you can imagine. They fight, and claw, and cheat to gain some kind of unattainable foot hold over everyone and anyone.

“They have – from the beginning of time I might add – started wars that killed, maimed, and displaced fellow humans, not to mention destroying everything they built. Those self-inflicted atrocities set back progress hundreds if not thousands of years every time they did it. Then they sit around wringing their hands like the wars and the killings were completely out of their control.

“Hell Bob,” Gary went on in his unstoppable rant, “these clowns are so certain that war, and the death and the pestilence it gives birth to are so out of their hands that they wrote page after page in their holiest of books explaining that there will ALWAYS be war!

“These people,” Gary continued, jabbing his index finger at the floor again, “these people legislate – let that sink in – they actually legislate morality. Who you can marry, and who you can’t. Hell, the simple fact that a union between two people has to be sanctioned by the state to be recognized should tell you everything you need to know about how backwards these, these things are.

“They actually have to have laws Bob – actual written down laws that carry a punishment, to tell them they shouldn’t have sex with children, or discriminate against each other, or get drunk and imperil other people’s lives with cars!

“They have laws against medicinal herbs, and laws protecting corporations that produce far worse. They have laws that tell them they have to wear head protection on a freaking motorcycle, Bob. What the hell does that tell you?

“Some of them have laws that allow the stoning women, some have laws that include beheading as an accepted punishment. They ELECTROCUTE each other Bob. E L E C T R O C U T E. Why? Because that person killed someone. So they have kill them, of course. That makes perfect sense now doesn’t it?”

“But…” Bob started and was cut off again.

“These people,” Gary cut in, “have imaginary lines that they are afraid to cross. And just in case some of them get bold, they have laws that limit crossing of these lines. They have lines between houses, between cities, between states, and between countries. The bigger the line on a map the harder it is to cross. It’s not a real, physical line Bob. Do you get that? These people are hamstrung against fellowshipping with other fellow people by a line drawn on a map! They pledge to die for a flag Bob… for a freaking flag! How many thousands of years has it been since that unfortunate incident with Mike and Gloria? How many?”

Bob shrugged, simply waiting for Gary to run down.

“A lot!” Gary said as his face turned purple. “A lot! And even after that many thousands of years they still can’t communicate across the major lines they’ve drawn BECAUSE THEY DON’T SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE! Do you get that Bob? Do you? They can’t even speak to each other without an interpreter. How absolutely pathetic is that? I can go on Bob… oh I can certainly go on. The myth of money, governments, sexuality, religion. Jesus Bob, RELIGION! Don’t you see it?”

“You do see the irony in that last statement… right?” Bob asked smiling.

“I could stuff you through an airlock right now,” Gary said as he wound down, “and never think twice about it.”

“Not very enlightened of you,” Bob said smiling. “That might hurt a little.”

Gary simply glared at him.

“Listen,” Bob said. “I know that everything you’re saying is true. But, when we get back from one of these trips they don’t simply turn us loose on humanity. They quarantine us so we have time to decompress and get back to our normal selves. We all know that this type of insanity is contagious. Just as contagious as any other virus, and it could destroy our civilization. Maybe the opposite could be true also. Maybe if we take him with us, quarantine the shit out of him, then let him out to see how we live he might be able to make a difference. We’d keep him under constant surveillance, and only allow him to move around with specifically trained escorts.”

“I don’t know Bob, this could be devastating on one hand,” Gary said “but on the other hand it could be just what we’ve been lacking.”

“You just sounded like Tevye,” Bob said smiling.

“On one hand,” Bob continued in a gravely Jewish accent “What would the life of a tailor be? On the other hand, he’s an honest hard worker.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Gary asked impatiently.

“Nothing,” Bob said.

“I’ll have a conference call with the elders back home and get back to you,” Gary said as he slumped back in his chair.

“Cool,” Bob said as he turned to walk away.

Then as he got to the door Bob turned, threw his hands in the air and yelled “Le Chaim!” Then he turned, jabbed one finger into the air and started singing “to life, to life, Le Chaim!”

“Disappear,” Gary said darkly.

“Za vashe zdorovie,” Bob continued singing with both hands in the air, as he spun in circles through the door and out into the hall.

Gary could still hear him singing and dancing down the hallway as the door whooshed shut. “Heaven bless you both, na zdrovie…”

“Sometimes I truly hate him,” Gary mumbled to himself, “but he sure can sing.”

Three:

Mike sat cross-legged in the gleaming white room. It appeared that he was levitating about two feet off the ground. He was actually surprised that he was beginning to get used to the idea. All he had to do was think of sitting or lying down and there seemed to be a surface of the exact right height underneath him. It was refreshing.

Mike heard the now unmistakable soft whoosh of a door opening behind him and stood to face his company.

“Good news ole’ buddy.” Bob said. “It looks like you’re going for a little deep space ride.”

“So they bought it?” Mike asked absently.

“Bought it?” Bob said. “That’s an odd way to put it.”

“Tell me,” Mike said staring blankly at the floor “who’s your interior decorator.”

“What do you mean?” asked Bob “You don’t like the digs?”

“I guess if you’re really, really, into white,” Mike answered “with no corners, edges or… basically anything other than whatever that thing is in the middle of the floor.” He was pointing at a silver needle like spike that protruded about a foot out of the floor in the middle of the room.

“You mean the potted flowers?” Bob asked.

“Potted what?” Mike looked at him incredulously.

“Oh man,” Bob said snapping his fingers. “I never even thought about that. You don’t see anything do you?”

“Just that,” Mike said still pointing at the spike.

“See, we never had anyone up here long enough to even think to ask how they perceived the rooms,” Bob said. “We’re all used to the implants.”

“Implants?” Mike asked. “I thought you said they were potted plants.”

“No,” Bob said “That little thing in your temple that makes you understand me. It’s not just a translator, it’s a… geeze, how do I explain this?”

“A long time ago,” Bob continued “we realized that it was ridiculous to waste valuable resources and time creating and manufacturing things that were simply eye candy. Without explaining how it works, your chip just kind of realizes when you bend your knees that you’re going to sit down, and it shoots a kind of… I don’t know… force field under your ass about 2 feet off the ground. The bed works the same way. As for decorations, well, the room looks pretty much the way you might perceive it to look.”

“So, I guess I perceive the inside of a marshmallow then,” Mike said.

“Not exactly,” Bob said. “In essence you don’t actually perceive anything in this room. Or anyplace else I guess. The only thing you can see in here is the receiver sticking out of the floor. Most people automatically put something there so they don’t fall or step on it.”

“You mean everyone that walks in this room sees it differently?” Mike asked. “How the hell does that work?”

“Let’s say that back on Earth someone tells you to walk over to the red wall. You do, and everyone understands what red is,” Bob said as if he were talking to a child. “But how do you know that the way you perceive red is the same way that everyone else does? You don’t, and your mouth is hanging open again.”

“Look,” Mike said becoming clearly irritated “are you telling me I don’t know what red is?”

“No old buddy, I’m telling you that until you see red through someone else’s eyes you have no idea what they call red. These rooms work the same way. You still get to decorate it any way you want. The best part is that anyone that comes into your room feels right at home because they perceive it to be a comfortable place.”

“So you guys have taken bullshit to a whole ‘nother level,” Mike said sarcastically.

“What does ‘stuff’ do for you?” Bob asked. “Nothing, is the answer you’re looking for. Stuff is simply stuff, and the more stuff, or more importantly, the more expensive stuff that you fill your house with, the farther up the social ladder you climb. We have no need to impress each other. Our only reason for being is to add to the common good of the collective.”

Mike just stared at him.

“That get the hell out of here look you have on your face speaks volumes, buddy,” Bob said. “Once you shed the burden of earthly human insanity, you can see just how beautiful what I just said really is.”

“You think that my species is just a bunch of little clown hoarders that aren’t much more than biped packrats?”

“Come on Mike, think about how much wasted time, money, energy and resource is put into stuff where you come from. You start life on your own as adults with just a little pile of stuff. Stuff from your childhood like pictures, favorite toys etc. And maybe you have a shelf made out of cement blocks and planks to hold the stuff that you want to look at every day. Then you actively start amassing more stuff, until one day you need to store some of the stuff you have to make room for your new stuff.

“There are entire businesses set up just to store stuff. The factories that puke out hundreds of thousands of plastic containers to hold clothes, books, odds and ends, and left over food that you keep long enough to not feel guilty about eventually throwing away. After you gather together enough plastic boxes of stuff, you rent an entire new room from a building full of rooms that specialize in storing your old stuff. Occasionally you see your old stuff, but that’s only when you take a box of fresh old stuff out to stack it in your stuff room.

“You install hundreds if not thousands of dollars’ worth of security equipment in your house to keep other people away that may like your new stuff so much, they want to break in and take it back to their stuff-hole, so they can look at it every day. You have police forces and courts swamped with people being cataloged and imprisoned for walking off with stuff that we all agreed wasn’t their stuff… it was your stuff.”

“I’m so glad you brought me here,” Mike said sullenly. “I could have spent the rest of my life thinking I was sane.”

“Well… you’re not,” Bob said with a hint of sad compassion, “that’s the entire reason for this trip. You need to grasp the trueness of your genetic flaw. You can’t grow, or even begin to try and bring about change unless you’re willing to do that.”

“I know you’re right Bob,” Mike said plaintively, “but you know this is like having every single screwed up thing you are, ripped out of you and paraded around the room for everyone to see.”

“I want this. I really do. And I’m ready to make the trip, but I think I’m going to need some propping up from time to time.”

“That’s what I’m here for, brother,” Bob said smiling broadly “the powers that be have decided not only do I get to take my favorite special little buddy – that would be you by the way – home with me, but I get to be your guide as well.”

“Somehow,” Mike said, “that actually makes me feel a little better.”

“Just a couple things that I’ll need to walk you through before we get there,” Bob said.

“A couple?” Mike asked.

“Yeah,” Bob said as he sat in a large comfortable easy chair that Mike could have sworn wasn’t there… ever “First, you’re going to be in quarantined for a little bit.”

“What!?” Mike exclaimed, “you mean like in a cage, or glass prison so people can gawk at me?”

The chair that Bob was sitting in turned into a simple stone slab and suddenly Mike was in a concrete block room with no windows and a grubby floor.

“What the hell?” Mike said.

“Free your mind, brother,” Bob said calmly “and your ass will follow. Try closing your eyes and rethinking where you’ll be kept. It’s actually whatever you make it to be. Just like here. Just remember to cover up your spike.”

Mike closed his eyes tightly, and then opened them again. He was sitting in a pretty good facsimile of his apartment. The only real difference was the fairly large stuffed raccoon sitting directly in the middle of the floor.

“What the hell?” Mike said as he stared at the space the raccoon was taking up.

“The mind is a terrible thing,” Bob said “especially when you don’t have one. Self-decorating with the chip may bring out some deep darkness until you get used to working with it.”

“Lesson one,” Bob continued, “you just can’t hide from yourself anymore.”

“Anywho,” Bob said, “we all get quarantined for a little while when we get home. We’ve been subjected to a virus, that virus would be you, by the way, and we can’t take the chance of letting that virus seep out all over the rest of our population. So, we get closed up in a nice safe place for a little bit, and people that are specialized in our plight watch us for some time until they’re sure we didn’t get too much crazy on us, then we’re free to go.”

“But,” Mike asked suspiciously, “what happens to me? Obviously I’m nuts, according to you, and I can never really move about the sane people. I’ll be in a box of my own making forever. What’s the point of me going up there at all?”

Mike started laughing.

“What the hell was funny about that?” Mike asked, clearly hurt.

“I’m sorry brother, It’s just that your time and spatial references are about to be opened WAY up. Think about it, you assume that my home planet is up. What is up from your current point in space?

“Look,” Bob said as he regained his composure, “the simple fact that you so quickly absorbed your current situation and made the snap decision to carry the ball all the way to the goal line proves, in and of itself, that you have the capacity to make this work. You’ll be allowed to mingle fairly quickly, and you can go home whenever you want to.”

“Whenever?” Mike asked pointedly.

“Yep, just say the word and your chariot awaits.”

“How long do you think this trip is going to take?” Mike asked.

“Interesting question,” Bob said scratching his beard. “You have to understand that time doesn’t really work the way you understand it to work out here. There’s no sun rising or setting. Well actually, there isn’t on Earth either; the Earth rotates. The sun just sits there and burns. But I digress.”

“How long?” Mike persisted.

Bob stood up and looked at Mike for a few seconds then looked at the back of his bare wrist. “Wednesday,” Bob said “Right around 2 PM. Taking traffic into consideration, of course.”

“Thanks,” Mike said blankly.

“Not a problem old hoss,” Bob said with an air of officiality as he patted Mike on the shoulder “not a problem at all. Sit back, enjoy the ride. Maybe take some time to decorate your space a little. It looks like a shit storm of misery blew through here.”

Four:

Mike sat on the Iron Throne in one corner of his quarantine room. A life-size replica of the Master Chief sat directly in the middle of the room complete with Cortana sitting pensively on his shoulder like Tinker Bell on Peter Pan. Various paintings came and went on several of the walls, sometimes in rapid succession, and occasionally they would hover there for a few minutes before being replaced with something new.

Mike was getting tired of decorating his space, although he was actually getting pretty good at it by now. The transition from minding his own damn business as he drove home in his pickup truck to “think renovating” his space was breathtaking. At first, he simply had a bed and a lazy boy in his perfectly round and white “cell.” The he realized that his miserable living conditions were entirely of his own making. For a few hours he simply existed in his apartment back on earth. Just sitting in his own grubby, but comfortable chair, staring out the window at pigeons as they had an endless crap-leaving contest.

It took him a little while to understand that he could clean up the fertilizer ridden sill simply by disappearing the pigeons. Then it hit him he could simply disappear the crap. Then the beautiful crystallization of reality hit him that he was only stuck by his own inability to be creative. To actually think outside the box. He wanted a new chair. There was no reason to travel to the furniture store, or spend countless hours clicking through virtual store fronts on line. He hated that anyway. Once he fired up the laptop it was way too easy to slide into Facebook hell, just for a peek mind you, and get into an all day long pissing contest with a bevy of unseen thought harassers about the color of a dress, or the competence of a specific world leader.

Instead, all he had to do was think his new chair into existence, and summarily think his old one to the realm of an invisible, nonexistent trash heap. It took a little while longer to realize that the only limit to what his personal trappings could be was the actual limit of his mind. If a chair was too lumpy it was because his mind was too lumpy. If his bed was too soft, it was because his mind was too soft. But even more disturbing was that if his space was too foreboding…

Mike was firmly in the middle of a giant pond of denial, floating comfortably on his back, as little tiny fishes of unreason swam around him. He had already, in this short amount of time convinced himself that his “space” looked exactly the way he wanted it to. He was certain that his current wade in this cesspool of eclectic pop culture was exactly what he had always wanted. But someplace, WAY back in the corner of his subconscious, locked in a lead case with ten golden padlocks (that oddly resembled the lock on his old high school gym locker), sitting safely behind a two-foot-thick steel door that was guarded by pumas in diamond collars, attended by medieval knights with AK47s, was the glimmer of an idea that he might be full of shit.

Mike had that thought held tightly in a head lock as Bob walked into the room.

“How’s it hangin’ there, padre?” Bob asked.

“Just peachy,” Mike answered sullenly.

His legs were tightly crossed, he leaned to one side of the throne with his face firmly smashed into the palm on his left hand as that elbow was jammed into one of the arm rests. His right arm rested lazily on the other.

“Come on brother,” Bob said as he sat in a chair that Bob saw as a very comfortable contemporary model, and Mike perceived as a Weber gas grill on full high. “It can’t be all that bad in here can it?”

“I mean you are basically sitting in a giant adult playhouse that’s only limited by your mind.”

Mike just stared at him through bored eyes.

“Oh yeah,” Bob said as he scratched his beard. “I can see how there might be some limitations there. We never really turned one of these things loose on one of you people.”

“You people?” Mike said sitting up straight.

“Hey buddy,” Bob said with that ever-present smile on his face, “save the indignation for people that understand it. The law of implied slight don’t go ’round here law dog… savvy?”

“Sometimes,” Mike said, “the way you talk is odd, but vaguely familiar. It’s also definitely irritating as hell.”

“Irritation,” Bob said solemnly, “it’s what’s for dinner.”

He winked at Mike for punctuation.

“Exactly the kind of crap I’m talking about,” Mike shot back.

“I come bearing some good news,” Bob said.

“I could use some of that.” Mike said “Sitting in this TV fun house is starting to take its toll.”

“Well buster,” Bob said with open arms “you are about to be released into the wild.”

“Outstanding!” Mike exclaimed as he shot out of the chair. “How did that happen? I’ve been sitting in here for days now waiting for someone to come in and examine me. But there hasn’t been a soul in here except you.”

“Actually ace,” Bob said “people have been observing you every single minute you’ve been in this room. There’s an entire team of professionals sitting in a room right now dissecting every move you make.”

“I’m never exactly sure when you’re bullshitting me, and when I should believe you,” Mike said hesitantly.

“Yeah,” Bob said as he looked at his well-worn shoes “I get that a lot. But this time you can believe every single thing I’m saying. We couldn’t just turn you lose on an unsuspecting public. And, we couldn’t necessarily let people that weren’t used to dealing with the mentally afflicted come in here and get crazy on them. That stuff is a bitch to wash off.”

Mike raised one eye brow.

“This team,” Bob went on “has a device that allows them to see how you decorate your room. It monitors your mood, body temperature, heart rate… everything. They have poured over all of the recordings of every single conversation you and I have ever had. You must understand that since we – you and I that is – share a common DNA strand we have to be careful about how you affect the rest of us. If even a little bit of crazy washes onto one of us and starts a cascade effect it would be like the zombie freaking apocalypse out there. And not all of the Rick, Carol, and Darrells in the world would be able to stem that tide.”

“I get it,” Mike said. “I knew it would be like that before I ever signed on to this freak show. It just might have been nice if you told me what was going on. I wouldn’t feel so violated right now.”

“Sorry buddy,” Bob said sincerely “But we needed a realistic base line. And, now we have it.”

“So, what’s next?” Mike asked.

“Next,” Bob said as he clapped his hands together for emphasis “you get the opportunity of a life time. You get to meet Serilda.”

“Seriously?!” Mike said. “Never in my wildest dreams… I mean Serilda. Hell, that’s worth the trip right there.”

“Now who’s being a smart ass?” Bob said blankly.

Mike just shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

“Serilda is our dictator,” Bob said. “Actually, I’d love to know how that title translates through your chip. Because I’m pretty that there’s nothing comparable on your home planet.”

“Well,” Mike said “It translates to someone that rules singularly over the population, and has that title for life, or until someone knocks them off the throne. Usually physically.”

“I guess if you take out the word rule and the knocks them off the throne part,” Bob said as he looked at the ceiling “I’d have to say that’s fairly accurate then. But Serilda is more of a… logistics expert, I guess.”

“Logistical?” Mike said with that eyebrow raised again.

“Yeah,” Bob said. “But, I think it will be better for her to explain it.”

Bob turned and started to walk out the door.

“Get some rest brother,” he said over his shoulder. “Big day for you tomorrow.”

Five:

Bob and Mike walked down the long white corridor that was right outside the room Mike had occupied for the last three weeks. Once again everything was white, and Mike got the feeling he was walking down a giant straw.

“Am I supposed to be perceiving something here?” Mike asked.

“What?” Bob said. Then he suddenly got what Mike was asking.

“Oh, no dude,” he said. “The room is just your personal space. Someplace where you go to let your creative juices fly.”

“Unless of course,” Bob said as he stopped and turned to face Mike “a person happens to be creatively constipated.”

“You know, kind of like you are.” He winked at Mike again.

“So, what,” Mike asked, “everything from here on out is for real?”

“Pretty much,” Bob said.

“Everyday life here, as you are about to witness for yourself, is quite a bit different than what you’re used to.

“We eat in community areas,” Bob explained. “We also have community bath houses. It promotes a sense of unity and positive mental health.”

“So, you’re a bunch of communists,” Mike said.

“If the word is translating correctly I’d have to say no, only because of the implied negative connotation,” Bob said. “I think the correct word is… hippies? Yeah, by the stupid look on your face I’d say that translates better.”

Bob and Mike stepped through the door at the end of the corridor, and Mike was instantly poleaxed with sensory overload. After being stuck in the realm of unreal that was his living space for so long, the simple light of day put a zap on his head that was breath-taking. But the environment that he stepped into was like walking into a real-life Degas. The colors were swimming, and vivid but at the same time soft and pastel.

None of the buildings in his immediate vicinity were taller than two stories. There was no traffic, traffic noise, or exhaust fumes. In fact, there wasn’t even a trace of a thoroughfare of any type to facilitate that assault on the human psyche necessary to be transported from one place to another back home. The air was so clear that is almost hurt to be immersed in it.

The landscaping was the biggest thing that smacked Mike in the face, though. The expertly manicured trees, shrubs, flowers, and bushes were the most beautiful things the earthling had ever seen. They danced and wove together in spectacular splashes of red, green, blue, white, purple, and other colors that would be called something unnecessarily haughty on a color chip back home. Something like Sea of Tranquility Green or Hound of the Baskerville Beige. Something like Hummingbirds, but larger, worked tirelessly to drain each flower of whatever sustenance it may find there. And a bevy of small animals, some familiar to Mike and others not even close to the available catalog at home, played among the sea of colors that swirled around them.

The flora twisted and spiraled around every single building that Mike could see, seeming to hide the severe angles, glass, and other building materials from view. But that wasn’t really it at all, was it? No, the plant life seemed to absorb the building into the land scape. To… accept that it was part of the overall being of nature. To swallow whole the endeavors of human kind and lay waste to the needlessly unflattering achievements of the dwellers.

The sky was the same pale blue that Mike was used to at home, and dotted with various layers of white puffy clouds. The sun was the same white/yellow that he was used to, but there were two moons in the sky. One was about the same size of what he was used to, but a blazing vivid red color. The other was gigantic, and the most beautiful shade of blue he had ever seen. This would have been amazing enough, but the addition of light green, Saturn-like rings was nearly overpowering. No wait… they were yellow, now blue, now red. And they were slowly revolving around the planet from pole to pole.

Mike nearly passed out.

“Hang in there, brother,” Bob said as he held Mike by the arm for balance. “It can all be pretty heady stuff to the newcomer.”

“Uh,” Mike said dumbly, “yeah.”

Mike closed his eyes and drank in deep breaths of the sweetest air that had ever graced his lungs. He could almost taste it. He held that breath for a few seconds unwilling to let the new-found freshness escape. He was afraid that he might get used to this. Jaded in a sense. And the following breaths may become increasingly less significant until he simply, and unconsciously pulled in the sweetest meaning of life he could possibly imagine ,and exhaled gas tainted by his human physiological waste without a second thought.

“Can we just,” Mike searched for words, “I don’t know; stand in this spot for a minute?”

“Sure brother,” Bob said serenely “Take as much time as you need. Take all the time you want. This is all part of what you need to take back with you anyway.”

“Back with me?” Mike was already beginning to think, “Why the hell would I want to go back?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Bob said as though he was reading Mikes thoughts.

“Can you read minds now too?” Mike said in wide eyed amazement.

“No old buddy,” Bob said with that Cheshire Cat smile. “it’s just written all over that ape like look on your face right now. Apparently, you kind of like it here.”

“Yeah,” Mike said dreamily. “Kinda.”

“Wave your hand over that post will ya’ hoss?” Bob said.

“What,” Mike asked as he was jarred from his reverie.

Bob was pointing at what looked to be an old-fashioned hitching post right next to Mike. Mike passed his hand over the black orb on top of the post.

“Thanks buddy,” Bob said.

In a few minutes a vehicle about the size of a 1970 Volkswagen Beetle came out of the opening in the ground at the far-left side of the small meadow. The “car” looked like a white windowless Tylenol capsule It was soundless as it moved up the small rise and stopped in front of the pair.

Mike looked under the vehicle and saw that it seemed to be floating about six inches off the ground. A door on the side slid open revealing a spotless white interior and two seats at each end facing each other, that looked to be extremely comfortable.

“Age before beauty,” Bob said stepping aside to let Mike in first.

Mike climbed into the “car” and Bob scrambled in behind him. They sat facing each other, the door slid shut, and the outside of the car disappeared.

“What the hell?!” Mike said.

“Yeah,” Bob said as he gazed out at the countryside that they seemed to be hovering over in overstuffed white loungers “you might call this the original Vistacruiser.”

“Is this thing invisible now?” Mike asked as he poked one index finger at the scenery just to make sure they were still enclosed in something.

“Uh, no,” Mike said “I mean we don’t have some sort of cloaking device or anything. Or Harry Potters’ invisibility cloak. Although that would be just cool as hell,” he slapped Mike on the knee, “wouldn’t it?”

“What the hell is this then?” Mike asked.

“All of our transportation is under ground,” Bob said as he sat back in his seat, and the “car” began to silently move ahead “It makes things so much easier this way. No traffic to muddy up the scenery, or speeding cars to drive someone into next week by mistake. What you’re looking at here is a giant cylindrical “television” screen for the lack of a better word. We’re actually underground in a giant tube speeding toward our destination. And before you ask,” Bob said as he held up a hand to stop Mike from interrupting his train of thought, “it knows where we’re going because I told it where to take us.”

Bob tapped his temple and smiled to indicate the chip.

“What moves it forward?” Mike asked as he watched some of the most beautiful country side that he’s ever seen slide silently past him.

“A sort of magnetic rail,” Bob said.

“And why didn’t you ever give this to us?” Mike asked.

“Well,” Bob said as he watched the world go by, “we did. It’s called Maglev and you use it every day. Of course, you don’t use it to its fullest potential because the big oil companies put the screws to it. Thought someone was trying to take their rice bowl. You know what they say… you don’t want to break nobody’s rice bowl.”

“That takes a ton of electricity though,” Mike said. “Doesn’t it?”

“Yep, ole’ buddy, quite a bit.”

“You people don’t seem to be really into fossil fuels here. Where’s it coming from?”

“You people?” Bob asked as he raised both eyebrows in mock indignation.

Mike gave him the finger.

“Natural sources,” Bob answered. “Wind, solar, sea current. Hell ole’ buddy, we even get quite a bit from the gravitational pull of this planet, and all three of our moons.”

“Three?” Mikes asked surprised. “I only saw two.”

“And you were only outside, what… ten minutes?” Bob said. “Man, you people are quick to judge.”

“Whatever,” Mike said impatiently “how do you do the gravity thing. That would really help out at home.”

“Yeah,” Bob said, “you’d think that wouldn’t you.”

“We picked a guy up a couple of hundred years ago, ummmm…” Bob snapped his fingers to help materialize the name in his head. “Fig, no, shootin’, no…” Bob’s eyes lit up “Isaac, that’s it. Isaac Newton.”

Mike crossed his arms to show distain for the little floor show.

“So we bring Isaac on board and this guy is like a real dyed in the wool genius. We were explaining thigs to him and he’s taking notes and asking all the right questions. And we were all thinking like wow, this guy is really going to shake things up down there. There were high fives all around, and the crew hung back to see where this all went.”

“Where did it go?” Mike asked.

“You tell me Einstein.”

“He discovered gravity.”

“Do you have even the smallest,” Bob held his thumb and forefinger close together, not quite touching as he looked at Mike through the gap, “infinitesimal idea of just how ignorant you sound when you say that?

“That,” he went on, “is like saying that Christopher Columbus discovered America. Like all those people that had been living on that continent since the dawn of time never noticed what they were standing on?”

“No dude,” he continued through Mike’s distant irritated stare “gravity was always there. The simple fact that Adults on your planet are perfectly comfortable running around saying stupid shit like hey an apple fell on this guy’s head and he discovered gravity is one of the most disappointing things you dudes have going. Isaac discovered the relationship of mass of objects and their attraction to each other. He wrote all of this down in a book called Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica. But you all just accept the moronic apple horse crap.

“He had the answers Mike,” Bob said, “he was just too enlightened for his fellow fellows.

“Of course, all of that information didn’t just go away,” Bob continued “you use it every day. But do you know what the majority of all that amazing knowledge goes into?”

“I’m sure you’re about to tell me,” Mike said.

“Weapon systems and ‘national security’,” Bob said.

Mike turned his head back toward the beautiful exterior and clamped his mind firmly shut about the plight of his compatriots back home.

“If we’re underground, how am I seeing all of this?” Mike asked as he stared out the side of the car. “Is it just a scenery loop?”

“Nope,” Bob answered, “it’s a direct feed from a kind of a camera above us. I could tell you how it works, but your head would explode, and I’d be covered in Mike parts. Let’s just say that we’re seeing the same thing we’d be seeing even if we were above ground right now.”

Mike continued to watch the beauty passing and simply nodded his reaction to Bob’s explanation.

Mike was certain of one thing. He never wanted to go home. There was nothing there for him anyway. Both of his parents were dead; he was an only child with no siblings. Sure, he had a few friends. But no one was really going to miss him anyway. He was getting the sinking feeling that the people that populated this planet were never going to let that happen. Hell, they couldn’t even let him walk around outside by himself. How were the ever going to let him live here permanently?

He thought that maybe if he were able to show them that he was capable of controlling his more basic animal instincts, that he was able to act more like them. If he could show them that he wasn’t in any way dangerous to their very existence…

Maybe they might let him stay. He had to work on that very, very hard. He had to be on his very best behavior at all times and show them that he was capable of being a very positive addition to their world.

The scenery stopped sliding past the car and the door made a light whooshing sound as it slid open. Mike was amazed that the view outside looked just like it had from the inside.

“Here we are space man,” Bob said winking at Mike. “After you.”

Mike stepped out of the capsule car and onto beautiful lush grass. In front of him was a fairly nondescript, two story building with a plain glass entry way. Just like the place he had started from, the flora engulfed the building and made it an amazingly beautiful addition to the rest of the landscape.

Several people were in front of the building. Some of them were chatting as they waited for their capsule to appear from under the ground, and others sitting on benches as they took in the view. Bob led Mike into the entry way, and toward an unremarkable set of wooden double doors.

“Don’t we have to go through a metal detector or something?” Mike asked.

“For what?” Bob said.

“To make sure we’re not taking weapons in to see your dictator, or facilitator, or whatever the hell she is.”

“We don’t have weapons on this planet Mike,” Bob said. “We have tools that you clowns would use for weapons… but we don’t have weapons.”

“So what, we just walk in her office and say hey?”

“Pretty much,” Bob said as he politely smiled and waved to a neatly dressed woman walking past.

“That was the head of our news department,” Bob said off-handedly.

“Wait, the government controls all your news?” Mike asked. “I guess you people really are communists.”

Bob stopped walking and turned to Mike. “You really need to rethink your idea of ‘government’ buddy,” he said. “We don’t necessarily ‘govern’ here. We deal more on the logistical end of things. This is a big planet here and somethings need to be coordinated. I’ll let Serilda explain most of that, but remember we are talking about the planet here. It might be easy for you to assume we’re talking about this ‘country’ or this ‘province’ but this is the way the whole shittin’ shootin’ match works.”

“Good point,” Mike said, “you’re telling me that this simple two-story building contains the government, or ‘controlling authority’ or whatever for the entire planet?”

“Like I said,” Bob answered, “that, in a very tiny uniformed nutshell is about it. But seriously partner you need to get your head out of the ‘government,’ ‘rule,’ ‘control,’ and ‘law’ areas. We really don’t have… or want I might add, anything the even comes close to translating to that here.”

“I’m getting that,” Mike said, “while at the same time I’m not getting that at all.”

“So do we have to make an appointment,” Mike said, “or has that already been done?”

“Appointment for what?” Bob asked.

“To see the queen, or prime minister, or president, or whatever title she has that is going to be pretty much meaningless to me.”

“Look,” Bob said making sure he was looking directly into Mike’s eyes, “we don’t have titles here, and we don’t have ornate monuments to our countries virility from which we control the population. Like I said, I’ll let Serilda explain all of that to you. As for an appointment, Serilda pretty much has an open-door policy. We simply walk into her office and say hello.”

“And she’s the one in charge of ALL this.” Mike said blankly.

“This is going to take some time isn’t it,” Bob said. Then he added in a high screechy voice, as he rubbed his hands together, “These things need to be handled delicately.” Then he turned and made a sweeping motion at the doors, “now fly, FLY!”

“You’re a dick,” Mike said.

Six:

Bob and Mike walked through the open door, and into a moderate-sized office. On one wall was a floor to ceiling bookshelf that surprisingly was only about half full of books. The rest of it contained various forms of plant life growing in beautifully crafted clay pots. Opposite to that wall was a floor to ceiling window with, what on Earth would be an amazing view, but here just more of the same thing. Mike noted with fleeting sadness that he was already viewing the sight of a large, bright red tree interspersed with yellow flowers, that were in turn being visited by bright flamboyantly-feathered hummingbirds the size of beagles as an everyday occurrence.

At the desk sat a woman, possibly in her late thirties or early forties. Her red hair was pulled back into an all business ponytail that curled back from behind her head and rested gently over her right shoulder. She was wearing what appeared to be a raw silk shirt, although Mike was pretty sure it was something entirely different. She absently tapped the end of a pen on a sheet of paper she was examining. The Stones ‘Gimmie Shelter’ was softly playing in the background.

“Hey Serilda,” Bob said as he stepped into the office,

She stopped the tapping and looked up from the paper, “Hey Bob,” she said.

“Awesome tunes,” Bob said pointing to the ceiling.

“Thanks,” Serilda said, “I put it up to make our guest feel more at home.”

She stood up from behind the desk and Mike could see she was wearing what looked like black Viet Cong pajama pants.

She smiled at Mike. “Welcome Mike,” she said, “why don’t we move into the conference room, so we can be more comfortable.”

Serilda motioned both men into an adjoining room. As she walked out from behind the desk Mike noticed that she was wearing sandals. He also noted that he hadn’t seen one single piece of jewelry or a watch on anyone since he had been ‘abducted’.

“I guess it’s all about comfort here,” he thought absently.

The Stones melted into ‘Baba O’Riley’ by The Who.

Serilda passed her hand toward a pair of comfortable looking chairs inviting them to sit, and she sat in an identical one across from them.

“How are you finding your stay here so far Mike?” she asked. “Comfortable I hope.”

“Very much so,” Mike said smiling. “It’s a real pleasure to meet you,” he added.

Serilda smiled broadly, “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.”

“I had an entire presentation ready to give you when I first learned that you were on your way here,” She said pleasantly, “but I think it would be better to just start right off answering whatever questions you might have.”

“Hey,” Mike said, “thanks. Let’s start off with your title. What is it that you actually are… or for that matter… do.”

The music melted into CCR and ‘Suzie-Q.’

Serilda looked at the ceiling. “Would you mind terribly if we were to cancel the music? I find it a little distracting,” she said.

“Sure,” Mike said.

Fogerty fell silent.

“I, for the lack of a better word, am a facilitator,” She said.

“Yeah,” Mike said “I got that from Bob over here. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that when I asked him who was in charge, he tells me it’s the planet’s ‘facilitator’.”

“The explanation of that is pretty complex Mike,” Serilda said. “On your planet there is not one segment of society that doesn’t have some type of law and accompanying leader. No matter if it’s a block captain, or tribal elder or national president, king, or despot. We have an elder group here, but their entire reason for being is to provide guidance to our research teams operating the region you identify as Earth.”

“Teams?” Mike said. There’s more than one?

“Well, yes,” she said, “We have quite a mess that seems to just be getting messier by the day out there.”

“At any rate,” Serilda went on, “Here, for all practical purposes, we have no laws. Hence we have no real need for a dedicated group to enforce/enact these laws.”

“No laws at all?” Mike asked wide eyed.

“No,” Serilda said, “but I’ll get more into that in a minute.”

“You see, when you have a species that realizes its own intellect, but has no natural intellectual boundaries you have a real mess on your hands. Then add a serious dose of greed, jealousy, and unfortunately rage, and that problem is almost uncontrollable.

“Let’s say you were locked up in an institution that houses people that slam their heads into things for no apparent reason, knocking themselves unconscious every day at noon. How do you think you would perceive the one person in that group that simply sits in reverent silence as the midday head smashing begins and hums to themselves?”

Serilda cocked her head in an obvious gesture beckoning Mike to answer.

“I get your point,” he finally said “But not everyone on Earth is affected the same way. We’re not all head smashers. In fact, we do hospitalize people that have serious afflictions.”

“Oh, I know that,” Serilda said “and if I were to ever tell you who people with Down’s Syndrome really were, it would blow your mind.”

“Wait…” Mike said raising both eyebrows.

“Not now,” Serilda continued. “We absolutely don’t have time for that and it would completely bog down your progress here. Let’s just say that sometimes the crazies single out the sane.

“Back to where we were. All people on Earth are born with an inherent knowledge of what is right or wrong, they simply choose to ignore it in most instances for personal gain, or security. Nearly every religious sect on your planet has a caveat written into their holy books as a sort of divine disclaimer conveniently explaining how this is simply free will that the one true creator has instilled in his creation in beautiful all-knowing insight.

“If you think about it, any ‘creator’ that would actually create a being, give them the ability to do things that go directly against that creator’s will, then punish them for the rest of eternity for acting like they created them to act in the first place is more than just a little insane. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Of course I would,” Mike said. He was in the midst of a great internal struggle as he listened to the facilitator. He knew she was right, but he wanted to scream out that people controlled their basic animal instincts every single day.

“Have you ever wanted to kill someone Mike?” Serilda asked.

“That’s a pretty tough question,” Mike answered.

“The fact that it is, is pretty telling,” She said.

“No,” Mike said searching for words to explain himself. “I wouldn’t say that. You’re talking about actual murder here. Of course I’ve said the words ‘I could kill you’, everyone has…”

“Every Earth person has,” she corrected him.

“Ok, fair enough,” Mike said “but I don’t think I ever really considered taking another life.”

“Haven’t you?”

“No,” He said slowly. Then he remembered the day as a young man he watched his neighbor shoot his dog for crapping on the guy’s lawn. He could have easily grabbed that gun and turned it on the asshole that shot Butch for dropping dog turds on the wrong side of an imaginary line. His father had called the police, and the jerk was taken away, but murder was certainly on Mike’s mind at that instant.

“Ok,” He said. “I guess there have been fleeting moments when killing seemed the appropriate things to do.”

“Of course there were,” Serilda said as she leaned back into her chair and crossed her legs.

“In your own country, during your life time, how did you feel on September 11th of 2001? Didn’t you crave to be able to personally murder every single person that had any part in that horrible, unspeakable event?”

Mike just nodded.

“Throughout the history of humanity on your planet unspeakable acts have been answered by equally unspeakable retribution. The act exacted on one group or subset justifies the acts that are then exacted on the other group. ALL of these actions are connected, justified, and continued in horrible destruction, incredible loss, and unending misery. All of this brought on by yourselves and seemingly unstoppable.”

Mike had nothing to add.

“Let’s look at the more personal aspect of this,” Serilda went on. “Let’s say someone wronged you in a way that was heinous enough for you to consider actually killing them, or at least inflicting great personal harm. If you think back on that, what was the one thing that kept you from carrying out such an act, no matter how bad you wanted to do it?”

“I didn’t want to go to prison,” Mike answered matter-of-factly.

“Exactly my point Mike. You didn’t want to be punished. Even though your own holy book preaches ‘an eye for an eye’ and sets every individual free, wrapped in a cloak of God given free will… you didn’t want to get in trouble.

“From the time that you are children to the time that you die, people are answering to some higher authority that keeps them in comfortable check. There have been hundreds of studies on Earth gauging the effect of not having anyone to answer to. And the findings were that people absolutely must have a controlling authority or they become psychotic.”

“That seems pretty sad,” Mike said.

“You have to admit,” she went on “that some of your very first questions along your present journey have been ‘who’s in charge’.”

“Right again,” Mike said.

“I’m not simply trying to sit here and chastise you like a child, Mike. You absolutely must understand the workings of the human mind, and the mental gymnastics that you all go through to justify your affliction before you can ever even come close to understanding the way things work here.”

“I get all of that,” Mike said “and I want to learn, I really do. It’s just a lot to get past.”

“We understand that,” Serilda went on, “and believe me when I tell you that everything you just said was hashed over and rehashed before the decision was reached to let you come here. You showed an amazing aptitude for opening your mind when you were aboard the ship. And that, my friend, is the only reason you’re here right now.”

“And believe me,” Mike said, “you can never know how much I appreciate the opportunity.’

Serilda smiled and nodded.

“All of the above has been a path to lead to the dramatic differences between how you as a species perceive life, and how it’s perceived here.

“Let me start off with government. On Earth you have laws to control the masses. It’s a simple fact that religion is one source of complete control over human failings. Your Ten Commandments, or five pillars of Islam, or the Hindu purusharthas all are meant to control an otherwise uncontrollable population. People read these things and say, ‘wow, God/Muhamad/Brahma is brilliant. That – insert name of divine ruler here – really understood humans to give us those laws’. And everyone smiles, does a few hail Marys, or prayers to the east or whatever and goes about their lives. These laws keep piling up because people keep finding ‘legal loopholes’ to get past the divine word. I’m sure that you know of some yourself. In one part of your very country there is a sect of Jews that have a divine rule that says they are not allowed to leave their house on the sabbath. In modern times this became untenable, so they simply put a string around the entire town. Then they convince themselves that this in fact is their ‘home’, lie themselves into believing that this is ok with their divine leader, and go on about their lives.”

“Yes,” Mike said, “I’m aware of that group. It’s in Miami.”

“Humans spend every single day getting around rules that they have written themselves, so they can gain the things they want on a daily basis. You have an entire system that does nothing but make up laws, defend laws, prosecute those that break those laws, defend people on a technical basis so they can get away with breaking those laws, and imprison the ones that couldn’t afford the best excuse makers to get them off the hook. National, community and family laws are an everyday way of life that not only do humans simply accept, they wither and die without it.

“Now,” Serilda leaned forward and spread her hands apart, “let’s picture a species whose strongest sense is the ability to distinguish between right and wrong. This ability even supersedes its drive for survival. That society would look at laws, especially laws against murder, theft, rape, child molestation, et alia as inane. They couldn’t even begin to wrap their heads around the fact that there was a need for laws like this in the first place.

“These people,” she set back in her chair again “would never even begin to consider driving their cars fast past a school because they would instinctively know it was endangering others’ lives. They would never consider punching someone in the face because they understand their culpability for the injury they might inflict. They would never even make unkind comments to another person about their weight, or appearance, or life choice because they would understand that they were responsible for inflicting undue pain on a fellow human being.

“Just wrap your head around a species,” Serilda said, “that is entirely unable to grasp even a molecule of the concept ‘they had it coming’.”

“Are you telling me that this entire planet is completely lawless?” Mike asked in wide eyed amazement.

“I guess the answer to that would be a technical ‘yes’,” Serilda said. “But if I understand the translation correctly your term ‘lawless’ has a definite negative connotation.”

Mike nodded.

“While we have no laws, or no need for laws for that matter, we have a population on this planet that could never even begin to grasp the idea of laws.

“Let me try to explain it this way,” Serilda said as she leaned forward. “You and Bob here are neighbors back on Earth. Bob has a tree in his yard that has gotten old and part of it is dead. Eventually that branch breaks off and crushes your fence and a gazebo in your yard. You want Bob to pay to have it fixed, and Bob thinks that since it’s in your yard you should just have your insurance pay for it. You end up yelling at each other across the property line and eventually it ends up in small claims court. There you present all of your facts and an impartial judge weighs them against the laws in your community and makes a ruling. Usually you’re both unhappy with the outcome and end up living next to a new mortal enemy until one of you moves.

“Does that sound like a pretty plausible scenario to you Mike?”

“Of course,” Mike said, “and I must add that you’re pretty well versed on how things work at home.” Already the phrase ‘at home’ was beginning to sound odd in Mikes head.

“I spent many years running deep space projects to Earth before I agreed to take this position.”

“Now let’s walk through that scene here, but backwards. There is no ruling, because there is no court, because there was no property line in the first place, or private ownership of that property. The tree still fell over, and still crushed the above stated structures, but both you and Bob know the only important thing here is that they be repaired. If you have the time you both get together and fix it. If you don’t there’s a community repair team that comes out and fixes it for you.”

Serilda sat back and smiled warmly.

“Alright,” Mike said, “but who pays for it?”

“Fasten your seatbelt for this one buddy,” Bob said, “it’s going to be a bumpy night.”

“We don’t have money here Mike,” Serilda said. “Not as you know it, or in any other way, shape or form. We actually have no form of compensation, insurance, unified health care, tuition, or taxes. Nothing at all like any of that.”

“How in the hell does that work?” Mike asked in wide eyed amazement.

“Like I said before Mike, this population has an intense sense of right and wrong. And when it comes right down to brass tacks, that really is all you need. People see a need for something to get done here and they do it. There is no waiting to see if someone else does it. Or complaining that the ‘powers that be’ don’t accomplish their community service tasks. People here see something amiss and fix it.”

“That all sounds pretty willy-nilly to me,” Mike said, “and haphazard on top of that.”

“What do you think a place like this would need to keep it from being ‘haphazard’ as you say?” Serilda asked, smirking.

“I don’t know,” Mike said as he absently scratched his chin. “Somebody to, I don’t know, coordinate things maybe. A central…”

He looked back at Serilda.

“Yes?” she said.

“A facilitator,” Mike said.

“You are on fire buddy!” Bob said as he slapped Mike on the knee.

“Yes Mike,” Serilda said as she smiled at Bob, “a facilitator. But like I said before, this isn’t just this city, or this area, or this country. Well, mostly because none of those things exist here either. But, this is the way the entire planet works.

“Think of the possibilities Mike,” Serilda went on. “We have no wars because everyone is working towards a common goal. The goal is the betterment and advancement of our planet. We don’t needlessly kill off creative minds or influential people in some moronic conquest of land or conflict over ideals. We don’t put the majority of our creative initiative into developing better ways to kill each other off, or ways to defend ourselves from being killed, blown up, irradiated, or burned to death.”

“But how could just one person facilitate ALL of that?” Mike asked.

“One person couldn’t,” Serilda said. It’s a pretty complex organization and I’m simply the focal point. People here like to be productive, just like people on your planet for that matter. Let’s say that a child shows an aptitude for medicine. That child is guided toward the ultimate goal of becoming a doctor or some other type of health care professional. Let’s say they show a real interest in just being outside all day working in the yard. Then they’re guided toward horticulture of some type.

“Naturally we can’t have everyone here being an astronaut or cowboy, so we have people that are very good at coordinating and directing people toward the needs of the community. Also, the concept of an eight hour day, five day work week, definite vacation time, a weekend or sick days is totally foreign here.

“How much time have you spent sitting at your job just waiting for the clock to get to the exact minute that you were allowed to ‘clock out,’ Mike?”

“Only every day,” Mike said.

“Exactly,” Serilda said. “Here we work until the job is done, or there’s a good place to stop and start again the next day, or until there is other work to do that’s more important than the work you are currently doing. Everyone here multitasks Mike. When I have nothing to do here I’m a carpenter in my community. Bob over there is a plumber and musician.”

Bob smiled and waved.

“You said that not one person could facilitate all of that,” Mike said. “How does that work.”

“To keep it simple,” Serilda said. “I sort of manage facilitators in several different areas, those offices manage smaller ones and so on, right down to the single community level.

“Let’s say that there was a storm that devastated a specific area. There would be quite a high demand for specialists to fix the damage. The facilitator in that area would inform the facilitator above them what the needs of the community were, and depending on the scope of what needed to be done the message would continue to go up the chain until the needs of that community were met.

“If the demand for assistance were to be great enough, eventually the requests would get all the way up to me. It really is a beautiful system Mike, and the people here thrive on it. It also keeps life here pretty stress free.”

“I guess I can see how it would,” Mike said. “And I guess I could see how someone like me could be more than a little dangerous here. Am I ever going to be able to actually get out and mingle with the masses, or am I just going to get shuffled around from one person to another as they give me a powerpoint presentation of how things work up here? Because I’ve got to tell you that the prospect of the last part is pretty depressing to me. I really want to work at being a part of this for a time. I really want to completely learn how to live this way and try to affect some change at home.”

The little earthling that lived inside Mike’s head knew the insincerity of quite a lot that was coming out of Mike’s mouth. He knew that he already was trying to conceive ways of manipulating this situation so he could stay here forever. He also knew that the very things he was thinking were wrong on so many levels it could have been its own Escher drawing. But his Earth conscience was already justifying the need for subterfuge. He didn’t want to go back to that big blue nut house near the sun… ever. He liked it here and knew that he would like it here for the rest of his life.

Serilda raised one eyebrow, “The plan is to start easing you into society in the next few days Mike. We understand that to sell it you must live it. Of course, we’ll have to have you accompanied at all times when you’re in public, and the first hint we get that you’re trying to get over on the people, or manipulate things, or lose your temper all bets are off and you get a one way ticket straight back home.”

“Of course,” Mike said.

“Yeah,” Bob said, “don’t make us turn this car around sonny.”

“I’m certain that you have more questions than you can even begin to ask right now,” Serilda said. “But you can’t learn and entire new alien life style just by sitting here and talking to me. I have some ideas for people that I will put in contact with you and we’ll get his party started.”

Serilda stood indicating that the visit was over. Mike and Bob stood as well, and Mike extended his hand toward Serilda.

“It’s a real pleasure,” Mike said congenially.

Serilda just looked at his hand. “We have nothing that equates to that custom here,” she said. “We never had to prove we weren’t trying to kill each other. You should probably not do that anymore.”

She smiled and directed them out through the office.

Mike pulled down his extended hand and wiped it on his pants unconsciously.

“Sorry,” he said.

“No need for an apology,” Serilda said as she smiled. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. I think that was the Chinese Philosopher Laozi. I understand he asked to come back here as well.”

Seven:

Bob and Mike were standing inside another white, cornerless, edgeless, room with a silver spike in the middle of it.

“How do you like your new digs?” Bob asked.

“They seem to be a little spartan but I’m getting used to that,” Mike answered.

“You mean a three-foot-tall guy with a spear and helmet?” Bob said.

“What?” Mike asked.

“Never mind,” Bob said as he moved toward the door. “You make yourself comfortable here and I’ll be back in a few hours to take you out to dinner. I think you’re going to like it. While you’re at it, if you want music just think it, and it plays through your ceiling, same thing with the TV.”

“My TV plays through the ceiling?” Mike asked. “Why would it do that?”

Bob just looked at him for a few minutes. “No, numb nuts. The screen is just like the ones on the transporters. You can’t see it till it comes on.”

“Where is it in the room? Mike asked turning around a few times. “I don’t see anything.”

“Man, I just said you can’t see it when it’s off. Think it on and you can’t miss it. It will be the window looking thing with moving pictures on it. Don’t freak out, people talk to you on it too.”

Bob turned to walk out the door. “Peace out earthman. See you in a few parsecs.”

Mike could hear Bob laughing to himself as he walked away, “Parsecs… oh man… I kill myself.”

Bob cocked his head and looked at the ceiling. Lindsey Buckingham started the snapping dual note lead-in to Rhiannon as John McVie backed him up. Mick Fleetwood rolled in the cymbal and Stevie Nicks started that low smokie moan she was famous for, like smooth Kentucky bourbon flowing sweetly over gravel. Mike’s head began to bounce in time with Fleetwood’s beat.

He sank into an overstuffed, well-worn chair that was conveniently right where his butt dropped. Mike looked directly across from him and a floor to ceiling copy of Gainsborough’s The Blue Boy appeared on the wall. Instantly the floor was covered with a beautiful Brazilian Cherry Hardwood that was in turn covered with an exquisite Turkish silk rug. The pattern was red on gold, elephants carried British hunters in pith helmets as they kept a warry eye out for tigers around the periphery of the rug. As soon as Mike thought how cool it would be, the elephants began to actually move around the edge of the rug.

Mike smiled. “Of course,” he said to himself.

The central statue of the arm in the center of the holocaust memorial in Miami erected itself in the center of the room covering the spike. A beautiful vine began to crawl around the walls next to The Blue Boy, then they continued to spread around the rest of the room. The Blue Boy was replaced with a ballerina by Leonid Afremov.

“That’s better,” Mike said out loud.

Above him Stevie drifted into passive silence and an acoustic guitar soulfully pinged into existence. The bass line rolled in soft, low, and sexy. Then Dobie Gray’s voice blended with the rhythmic beating of a metronome.

Day after day I’m more confused, yet I look for the light through the pouring rain…”

“Not me Dobie,” Mike thought to himself “not any more. The light is right here, buddy. I just need to hold on to it.”

Mike snapped his eyes open. The room that he had been decorating slowly firmed itself into existence. The TV was on and a picture of Jerry Garcia was sticking his tongue out at Mike.

“Open the Damn door,” Bob said to Mike.

Mike thought about it and the door swooshed opened.

“OK ramblers, let’s get rambling,” Bob said.

“How much time did you spend watching movies when you were supposed to be working on Earth?” Mike asked.

“A lot,” Bob said, “get it?”

Mike shrugged.

“Wow,” Bob said, “how many dicks is that?”

Bob raised his eye brows waiting for Mike to answer.

“A Lot,” Bob said, then he paused for recognition. “Nothing? OK, let’s make like a tree and hit the road.”

“Where are we going?” Mike asked.

“Dinner dopey,” Bob said “Man you got a memory as long as your… Never mind. Let’s make like a sheep herder and leave.”

Mike and Bob walked out of the room into the fading light of the absolutely most beautiful evening Mike had ever seen. The sun was surrendering the approach of night by swimming in a flaming lightshow that took Mike’s breath away. Stars were beginning to explore the possibility of dazzling the night sky on the opposite horizon. The red moon was gone, and the ringed moon was barely visible as it acquiesced to the approaching darkness just above the ring of infinity that was the horizon. Another moon was rising next to it. This one was the deepest of deep black. It looked like a hole in space that was threatening to suck everything out of existence. Surrounding the outer edge of the circle of that moon was a flaming ring of silver that diffused into a soft shimmering glow.

Mike’s soul ached.

“Right this way,” Bob said, breaking Mikes’ reverie.

The two walked in silence down a beautiful garden path that was backlit by an unseen row of soft, ground-level lights. A small stream danced, and gurgled a laughing, playful sound as it rolled its way past them. On the other bank of the stream were two glowing rabbits quietly eating leaves. They had antlers.

“Jackalopes,” Mike said absently “Radioactive jackalopes.”

“What was that buddy?” Bob asked.

Mike just drifted down the path in stunned silence and said nothing.

After a very short time, or whatever time was masquerading as in this utopia, Mike could hear the soft notes of music. It sounded like a combination of reggae and a country music ballad. As he got closer he could hear the singer softly professing undying love for…

“Carrots?” Mike asked.

“Say what pard?” Bob said.

“Is he singing about carrots?” Mike asked.

They had stopped outside a large structure that looked like a giant tiki hunt. The place was filled with people sitting at several long tables. Some of them were carrying plates filled with brightly colored food through a line that was clearly a buffet table. At one end of the room the lover of carrots was sitting in front of a long rectangular board that, if it had keys, could have been an electronic keyboard. He was singing about the beauty of… water… The instrument he was playing was emitting some the most spirit-cleansing music Mike had ever heard. But the words were, for the lack of a better word, ignorant. They didn’t make any sense. And at times seemed a little, childish.

“Let’s grab a plate brother,” Bob said as he rubbed his hands together.

Mike and Bob walked up to the end of the line and Bob handed him a plate. The plate was a plate only in the sense of the word that it was round like a plate, had an edge like a plate to keep your stuff from falling off, but it was made out of something that wasn’t paper, but it wasn’t china either. It was kind of both at the same time, and neither one.

“What’s up with the plates?” Mike asked.

“Why,” Bob said with mock suspicion “did it make a snide comment to you? They can be turds sometimes.”

Mike just looked at him.

“I thought it was funny,” Bob said.

Mike just waited.

“It’s kind of like a plate,” Bob said “but it isn’t.”

“Yeah,” Mike said, “I’m getting that already.”

“You see we’ve pretty much done away with waste here,” Bob said “The plates are more of a recyclable than biodegradable. Recycling is a great concept but there’s quite a lot of pollutants that are given off into the atmosphere from the process. Also, washing dishes wastes quite a lot of water, and adds detergents back into the soils. So these plates are dumped in that hole over there.”

Bob pointed at a tube sticking out of the ground about the same size and height of a 50 gallon drum.

“There’s an electric conveyor under there that moves the dishes, flatware, cups and food where it’s all ground down to a powder. The organic material kind of separates itself, is skimmed off the top, and added to a kind of compost pile. The dinnerware dust that’s left over is pressed and polished into more stuff to eat with.”

Bob and Mike sat at the end of a long table already filled with people.

“Everybody,” Bob said waving his arm over the crowd, “this is Mike. Mike, this is everybody.”

Everyone smiled and greeted Mike, and Mike smiled back.

“So, who’s making the food?” Mike asked.

“Right now, I’m not sure,” Bob said. “We have enough people that really love to cook here and they usually stay in the job. If you wanted something other than what they’re putting out, anyone is welcomed to go back in the kitchen and make their own. Actually quite a few people do just that.”

Mike looked down at his dinner and had no idea where to begin. Everything looked and smelled excellent but nothing looked familiar. It almost did, but not quite. Some of it might have been cauliflower in a cheese sauce. If cauliflower were pink, and cheese were soft green. Some of it might have been steak. If steak were white and had no grain to it.

“What am I eating here?” Mike asked.

“Let’s see,” Bob said as he looked at the back of his bare wrist again. “I’d say you were eating dinner.”

“You are hilarious,” Mike said. “What is this?”

“Different forms of vegetables, what you’d call eggs, and some jazzed up cereals,” Bob said as he examined a chunk of something that looked almost golden on the end of his fork.

“Why is this the first time that I’m seeing this?” Mike asked. “The stuff I’ve been getting in my room up until now has been just exactly like what I would eat back on Earth.”

“We raided a Costco before we left the animal farm” Bob stopped in mid chew and looked at Mike “Sorry… I mean Earth.”

Mike raised his eyebrows and searched Bob’s face for truth.

“That part,” Bob said, “is true I’m afraid.”

“We weren’t sure how you were going to take to our diet here so we brought you a starter kit so to speak.”

Mike remembered the package of turkey jerky he had the first day he spent on this planet.

“Is there any beef,” Mike asked “or fish, pork, or glowing jackalope, or whatever in your diet?”

“Glowing what?” Bob asked.

“Never mind,” Mike said “do you people eat meat, or are you simply vegetarians.”

“Vegetarians I guess,” Bob said. “We have no concept of killing here, Mike. And in order to eat meat we’d have to kill something first. I mean, I guess you could just walk up and try to take a bite out of a pig’s ass, but I think the pig might get a little prickly if you did that.”

“Everything is grown right here and tended by the community,” Bob went on. “Everyone shares in the responsibility to grow and harvest the food. ‘Why?’ you may ask. Damn good question. Because everyone here, as I’ve said, knows the difference between right and wrong, and is simply unable to choose the wrong thing to do. Working toward the common good is right and sitting on your ass while you let others do the work is simply wrong, and consequently not even considered.”

More music with ignorant lyrics was flowing out of the ceiling and the one-man band was taking a break.

“What time do they serve meals here,” Mike asked, “and is there a limit on how much I can eat? A… I don’t know… a rationing system?”

“Eat as much as you want brother,” Bob said “over eating would be both wrong and not good for you, so no one does. But seriously, eat, your beaver shit is getting cold.”

Bob shot Mike a huge grin.

Mike put a fork full of something beige into his mouth. The taste was incredible! No, ‘incredible’ could never do it justice. As soon as whatever was on his fork hit his taste buds they exploded in culinary orgasm. His salivary glands ejaculated so hard into his mouth that it hurt his jaw. The taste was deep, and magnificent, and heady. It was like he had never tasted anything in his life. It was like he had been sleepwalking through one watered down meal after another in his previous life. It was like… like… he was coming home for the first time.

“Oh my sweet holy baby Jesus!” Mike said, “what the hell was that!”

“No pollution, dude,” Mike muttered through a mouth full of food. “No chemical fertilizer, pesticides, or whatever have EVER been introduced into this soil.

“Pretty freaking awesome, right?”

“It’s like my entire body just woke up,” Mike said.

With that the music overhead changed. There was some type of gravely mechanical techno voice repeating something over and over. Mike was pretty sure it was saying ‘gotta make a move to a town that’s right for me.’

Bob slapped his hands down on the table and shoved his wide-eyed face into Mike’s.

“Oh my great googly mooglies!” Bob almost shouted at Mike, “is that you? Did you put that up?”

Bob grabbed the arm of the man sitting next to him and pulled the laughing man off the bench.

“Shake that groove thing brother,” Bob said.

Bob and the other man were dancing hand in hand. Bob spun his partner, pulled him back and the couple spun around the floor.

Lipps Inc. slid into the groove of Funky Town. ‘Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…’

A woman next to Mike pulled him up and onto his feet. Together they sung around the open parts of the floor until a man stepped in, grabbed Mike and whisked him away. As he and his partner glided around the dining hall he saw the woman he had been dancing with a moment before spin around the room with another woman. It was wonderful and awkward all at once. Mike worked pretty hard to make sure he and his partner didn’t touch penises; that would just be too gay. Then his dance partner grabbed him by the waste for a pelvic to pelvic tango spin.

It was odd; his penis didn’t seem to care that the only thing separating it from another penis was two layers of fabric. Mike let the moment take him away.

Life was carefree, beautiful, and unending.

Eight:

Mike was standing at one end of a large garden plot. The loose-fitting Cong wear had already replaced his Earth-side jeans. Although many people on his new home wore something that resembled denim, including his best friend, Bob. Mike preferred the comfort of perpetual pajama wear. His shirt was something that more closely resembled a ‘guayabera’ in a soft earthy maroon… well earthy on this planet anyway.

Mike leaned lightly on a shovel as he watched the sun climb silently through the morning clouds that lay across the horizon like lazy white stallions stretched out in a pasture. Sun rays poked through the soft openings allowed by the clouds and splashed a breathlessly glorious display of commanding orange and gold rays in all directions.

A tear slowly rolled down Mike’s cheek, slipped into the crease next to his mouth, and dissipated under his chin. He had never been this happy in his entire life. He couldn’t wait to get to work in his new role as farmer. To get his hands dirty by tilling up the rich loamy earth of his new home. In the short time that he had been here he had become fully committed to this perfect new world, and he would do anything it took to stay here.

He would do anything it took to defend this place.

He would fight to his own death to preserve what this world stood for.

He would kill to keep it.

Even as he stood there drinking deeply of painful beauty that surrounded him, as ever single sensory perception that he felt bombarded him, making his nerve endings feel like they had been sandpapered…

He still was unable to see the duality of his want, and human frailty against this perfect paradise.

He was the worst kind of virus. Both deadly and unaware of his predisposition to inflict pain and death on those he cared for so deeply.

Nine:

Mike stood up and brushed the soil off the knees of his pajamas. A fairly large, deep black earthworm…

“Earthworm,” He thought, “it can’t be an earthworm. It must have an exotic name. Some type of other worldly name. After all this is another world.”

He realized that he had never ever asked what the name of his new home was. He guessed that it wouldn’t really make a difference if he asked anyway because he’d only get the translation of what the chip in his head told him people were saying anyway.

He decided that he would name this place Avalon. Avalon was the perfect name. He daydreamed about having a statue of himself erected in the middle of Washington DC. Mike, the deep space explorer that discovered a new, and gloriously beautiful world at the farthest reaches of space. Well, he assumed it was the farthest reaches anyway. He actually had no real idea where he was in relation to Earth.

“Some explorer,” he thought to himself. “What if Columbus had no idea where he was and started naming places haphazardly?”

No matter. He was standing on a brave new world, someplace in outer space, and he knew he was the first one there to claim it.

A woman walked up behind him and touched him on the shoulder.

“Hey Mike,” she said. “It looks like you might be lost in thought there.”

“Oh,” Mike said turning around, “hello Ingrid. Yeah, I guess I was. It’s just this place, I guess. I’ve never dreamed anyplace could be this… I don’t know… perfect.”

“I’m glad you like it here,” she said. “Do you think that you’ll be able to take any of it back with you to help at home.”

The question was like a cold slap in the face. He had hoped that he hadn’t visibly flinched. This was home, but he had a lot of convincing to do before he was able to let the proverbial cat out of the human sack. He knew it was a deception. But it was just a little deception, that he was sure his new hosts would understand in time. That is, after they got used to the idea that they had an Earthman living among them that had no intention of leaving.

“I think I can,” Mike said.

“Does everyone here know about Earth,” He added, “and how it came to be populated the way it did?”

“Of course,” Ingrid answered, “you can’t really grow if you don’t conduct a personal examination of yourself and why you do the things you do. Everyone here is doing that every single minute of every day. That goes individually, and as a group, and of course, as a planet.”

Mike smiled, “I guess that makes sense.”

“We spend quite a lot of time on history here,” she went on. “Of course children are taught the history of our world…”

“History,” Mike interrupted “is written by the victors.”

He smiled.

“I’m sorry,” She said “it must be lost in the translation someplace. I’m not sure I understand the word you used. What’s a victor?”

“On Earth,” Mike said, “history is usually whatever group of people who won the war make it out to be. The winner, or victor, always paints the struggle of their people as the underdog, and constantly on the brink of destruction. Then there is a story of some sort of amazing victory in the face of amazingly unwinnable odds, and they emerge victorious. Naturally the enemy lacked any form of virtue and the winner prevailed despite all odds. The stories we tell our children are rarely truth in its purest form.”

“I only understand about a tenth of what you’re saying,” she said in a wide-eyed expression that bordered on horror.

“That will be the last of my Earth lessons to the masses,” Mike thought… wrongly.

“That’s a good thing,” Mike said “Almost nothing from Earth translates to…”

“By the way,” He said. Stopping in mid thought. “What do you call this place.”

Ingrid regained her bovine smile “We call it home” she said.

Mike heard the word but, of course, the word he heard didn’t match the movement of Ingrid’s lips. Avalon would have to do until he could learn to be a better lip reader.

“I really would like to know more about where you’re from,” Ingrid said. “Like I said, we learn about the history and our connection, but there really is nothing like hearing it all first hand. People that have never taken a deep space trip to Earth haven’t had the chance to witness it.”

“Honestly,” Mike said apologetically “It’s not all that amazing. I mean compared to all of this, it’s pretty much like white rice compared to a banana split.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Ingrid said “I have to get back to work now.”

She reached out and touched Mike’s arm.

“It really has been a pleasure talking with you Mike,” she said “we have to do it again sometime.”

She smiled and turned to go back to work.

“Was she just hitting on me?” Mike thought. “I mean I guess that could just be the way people act here. But it sure seemed like she was hitting on me.”

He had never really given much thought to intergalactic sex since he had been here. It was kind of like when he was in bootcamp as a kid. The rumor was that they had been putting saltpeter in everyone’s food to keep them from getting an erection. But the facts were much less ‘deep state’ than that. In actuality the constant stress of bootcamp life kept them all exhausted and on edge. The last thing they were thinking about was sex, or girls at all for that matter.

He guessed that being here was a lot like that. But now that he was settling in to what his life had become, the possibility of a relationship seemed almost doable.

“That could get pretty messy though,” he thought. “What about kids, and what would I have to do to get a marriage license out here.”

His mind was moving way too fast for his intellect to keep up with. It was like running down an extremely steep hill. His strides were quite a bit longer than his legs would allow for. It was just a matter of time before his thoughts tripped him up and he fell into a jumbled heap at the bottom of a grassy slope of his subconscious.

Mike decided it was time to go back to his long row to hoe. He knelt back down into the soft rich earth and started to turn over the soil around what might have been soy beans… if soy beans were iridescent blue. He picked the random weeds out and dropped them into a basket.

There was a low-grade hum in the air coming from a set of white wooden boxes next to the garden. Things that looked like a gecko mated with a bumble bee swarmed around the box as they darted in and out of several holes in it. Mike imagined that there was something in that box that would resemble honey, but in fact really wasn’t.

Occasionally Mike would take a break and walk over to the nearby stream. The first time that Bob had told him he could drink right out of the stream Mike was a little more than skeptical. The water from a stream at home probably held more disease and horrid ways to die than anyone could ever possibly imagine.

The first mouth full of pure stream water Mike had was just like everything else on Avalon so far. When he stuck his hand in the water it felt silky and smooth like someone was pulling a peacock feather across his hand. Once in his mouth the water was sweet. Kind of like a pineapple, but not really. Like a pineapple and caramel corn had a baby, and that baby peed rainbows. Yeah, that was more like it.

Working the earth in the warmth of this sun, in the unearthly beauty of the landscape surrounding him only to be able to walk a few steps and drink deeply from the stream of pineapple-caramel-corn-baby rainbow pee was never going to get old. Mike was never going to get jaded. And even as he thought that, he realized that the simple fact he was telling himself it would always be new guaranteed it wouldn’t be. At some point he would surely start bitching because the moon wasn’t red enough, or the rainbow pee wasn’t sweet enough, or he just didn’t feel like working that day so to hell with it.

“Hey, Mr. Green Jeans,”

Mike stood up when he heard the familiar voice behind him.

“What’s up Bob?” Mike said brushing his hands off on his pants legs. He stuck his hand out and instantly withdrew it.

“Old habits die hard,” Bob said.

“Yeah I guess so,” Mike said, mentally chastising himself for the instantaneous habits of his former home.

“Hey buddy I got a treat for you tomorrow if you’re interested,” Bob said.

“A treat?” Mike said . “Like every single other treat I’ve had since I arrived here, or is it a different kind of treat?”

“I’d say it was totally different than any of those kinds of treats. You being here has kind of got the entire planet talking.”

“Yeah,” Mike said, “I bet it has.”

“Yeah,” Bob said as he scratched his head as though he were searching for an answer to a question that had yet to be asked. “Anyway, you being here at the focal point of the workings of our little slice of universal paradise has its benefits.”

“Tomorrow,” Bob went on “you’re going to interviewed by the planetary facilitator of the news channel.”

Mike had been on the planet long enough to know that there were basically three television stations. None of them were 24/7, like there had been at home. For all practical purposes they ran for a few hours in the evening and that was about it. One channel was all about DIY tips, horticulture, and cooking. Another channel basically belonged to Serilda, and it let people know what work or specialties were needed where. Part of that broadcast was handed off to local stations for more focused needs.

The third channel was news. Not like news on earth. There was no undercurrent of agenda, or right out directly slapping you in the face with a giant agenda whiffle ball bat. There was no screen split into two or four or six segments, each containing a head that was screaming incoherently at all the other head boxes. There was no Jim Cantore praying for the entire east coast to be blown away in a career building hurricane. No bluster, no false indignation or put up outrage. There was simply news of important things that were happing around the world. The clear intent of these stories was to inform the public so that they could take any given situation into their own hands and react intelligently to situations that needed to be handled.

“Sounds like a good time,” Mike said.

“Yep,” Bob said, “should be. I think you’re going to be interviewed by the principle facilitator. Right now they think that it may be several discussions over several days. They have a lot of questions and it seems you have a lot of answers.”

“I’m ready for anything they want,” Mike said.

“Tell me buddy,” Bob said as he put his arm around Mike’s shoulder, “how’s it hanging for you out here?”

“In relation to what?” Mike asked.

“Everything I guess,” Bob said. “You’ve been taking in quite a lot here. And I guess when it comes right down to it there’s been quite a lot expected of you. It could kind of twist a guy up in side. I guess the fact that you absorb all of this relatively easily kind of worries me just a little.”

“I’m great,” Mike said, “really great. In fact, I’ve never felt better.”

“Kind of what I’m just a tiny bit concerned with here,” Bob said. “Don’t lose sight of the goal line here, brother. The end game will always be that you go back home and try to fix whatever you can there.”

“Absolutely,” Mike said flashing a big grin.

‘Maybe too big,’ Bob thought.

“I know where this is going, Bob,” Mike said in a reassuring tone. “This is really a great help to me. When I get back to Earth, I’ll have quite a lot of material to use.”

“Back to Earth… not home,” Bob thought. He stepped back, patted Mike on the arm and said, “Good to know brother… good to know. See you in the morning.”

Ten:

Bob and Mike got out of the capsule car in front of the same building where Mike first met Serilda, and walked through the glass doors into the foyer.

“Does everyone work in this one building?” Mike asked.

“Do you?” Bob answered the question with a question.

Mike just shot back a disapproving look.

“There ya go then,” Bob said.

Mike was still getting used to the idea that he could walk into one of the most important buildings on the entire planet and not have to be ready to get frisked, scanned, and x-rayed… you know, to preserve freedom. He was pretty comfortable with the complete lack of pomp and splendor that any other official place would have in any country on Earth. But the lack of security of any kind whatsoever still made him think in his deepest of lizard brains that these people were way too vulnerable.

But the other side of his brain asked the intellectual question, “vulnerable to what?” That was the real question here, wasn’t it? If no one would ever considered taking advantage of a weakness of any kind, be it personal or public, then why fortify yourself? He knew it was true here. Just as true as a $20 bill left on a public counter on Earth would last about 5 seconds before it became the property of someone else.

Bob led Mike through an office door that looked similar to the one Serilda occupied. Behind the desk was one of the most strikingly beautiful women he had ever seen. Instantly he remembered Bob had greeted her in passing the day they had walked to Serilda’ office.

“Mike, Tawny,” Bob said to the woman in way of introduction. “Tawny, Mike.”

Mike was mesmerized and began to unconsciously extend his hand in greeting. He realized his mistake mid gesture and simply brushed the side of his hair back.

“It’s a real pleasure to meet you,” Mike said awkwardly.

“The pleasure is mine, Mike,” She said smiling.

Tawny was someplace comfortably between 30 and 40. Mike had no idea how to judge age here. People seem to be so very well preserved. Her body would have served very well on Earth in the WNBA since Mike judged her at around 5’10 or so, slender and neatly dressed. But the most striking feature was her eyes. They were the deepest green Mike had ever seen, possibly made even deeper because of the light mocha colored skin that surrounded them. Her hair was just like everything else on this planet, familiar and yet not. In this case, blonde… but not really. It bordered between a blonde and brown and changed color depending on how the light struck it. Cut business like short, it framed her face perfectly.

“I’m sure that Bob here filled you in on what we have planned,” she said to Mike as they all three sat down. Mike had started to become self-conscious since he had become so comfortable with just sitting in his home knowing a chair would be where ever he sat. That had led to an incident in public where he had simply flopped on the floor. No one laughed, and everyone had rushed to help him up and ask if he was hurt in any way.

“He did,” Mike said “but after a fashion that’s truly Bob. So, I really don’t know much.”

Tawny looked over at Bob and raised an eyebrow. Bob just sat back crossed his legs and grinned.

“We have a lot of people asking a lot of questions,” Tawny said as she relaxed in her chair a little. “People that have never been on a deep space probe seem to be fascinated by one of the actual people that they have heard so much about being right here amongst them. People that have actually been on deep space probes to Earth are more… skeptical, for the lack of a better word.”

Mike was just staring at her face and not responding to anything she was saying. Eventually he realized he was being more than a little rude and snapped back into reality.

“I’m really sorry,” He said uncomfortably. “It’s just that, well, your lips…”

“Yes?” Tawny said.

“Well, they seem to be, uh, coordinated with what you’re saying.”

“I know,” Bob said. “Creepy, right?”

“Ah… no. Far from creepy actually,” Mike said as he blushed a little.

“I’m sorry,” Tawny said in realization.  “I actually speak English.”

“With an Australian accent?” Mike said.

“Yes,” she said, “I guess it is. I speak several different Earth languages. Most of it I picked up on Earth probes from watching movies. All I could get when I learned English was Chopper, and The legend of Ben Hall. Not terrific examples, I know but I filled in the blanks.”

“Very well I might add,” Mike said.

“Thank you.

“What we would like to do here,” Tawny continued “is inform the masses of just who you are, and how your mind works. I’m afraid most of what goes on around Earth is completely out of the realm of comprehension here. It might help to hear it right from the source.

“You see, everyone understands how Earth became the problem it is today, and what our part in that was. Most people just have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact that although you are direct descendants of this civilization you can be so completely different than we are. They think there should be some type of shared attributes.”

“I would say there are,” Mike said.

“Oh,” Tawny said, “there most certainly are. Your people just seem to find ways to circumvent all of the things that we hold as concrete tenets here. War, murder, and theft are right at the very top of that list. Prisons are running a close second.”

Mike looked down at the floor trying to deflect some of his shame into his shoes.

“I’m sorry Mike,” Tawny said, “I’ve made you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s not that,” Mike said as he looked back into those captivating eyes. “I just feel like the punchline to a sad joke at times. When all of our human frailties are held up to your face and you can’t explain them away as something that is unchangeable, it’s just a little heavy is all.”

“I’m sure it is. If it’s ok with you I’d like to get started first thing tomorrow.” She looked at Bob for approval.

“That’s fine with me,” Bob said. “In fact, why doesn’t Mike just come on over here by his lonesome. He’s pretty good at getting around and you won’t have to worry about me interjecting ‘color’ from off camera at inappropriate times.”

“Is that ok with you Mike?” Tawny asked.

“Sure,” Mike said. “that would be great. It’s a date then.”

Tawny smiled.

He blushed some more.

Eleven:

Mike sat in a comfortable chair, in a room that was modestly decorated. Tawny sat across from him in an identical chair with a clipboard on her lap.

“When do we go to the studio?” Mike asked her.

“We’re already in it,” Tawny said.

“Are they going to bring all the equipment in later?” Mike asked.

“No, it’s already here. The camera is on that shelf across the room, and the microphones are built into the ceiling. We “tape” the interview, then I edit it, and the final gets put into a queue for airing based on its immediate importance to the community.”

“You edit your own program too?”

“Of course. We don’t have any killer graphics, or bass slamming lead-in music to grab people’s attention and push an agenda. We just have a story to report and we report the facts. That’s what people really want. Here we don’t want to be told what we already thought to make us feel more comfortable or verify our preconceived notions. It really cuts down on production costs and man power. It frees people up to do work that is actually beneficial to the people at large.

“Just relax,” Tawny continued, “and we’ll get started whenever you feel comfortable.”

“How could I ever feel not comfortable around her?” Mike thought.

The first time he met Tawny he was instantly attracted to her physical beauty. It seemed as though she was flawless, but flawless in an earthy, real way. She was the kind of woman that could be dressed in a cocktail gown for a night out, or as a hobo for a Halloween party and she would be equally beautiful on either occasion.

But the biggest attraction was her lips. He had been naturally drawn to them first because they were synced up with what she was saying. She was the first person he had talked to since he started this adventure that wasn’t like watching a Sergio Leone movie.

After the initial shock he felt with actually having a normal in-sync conversation, he found that it was almost impossible to look at anything other than those lips. Of course, they were perfect. Just like everything else on Tawny. The rich fullness drew him in like soft pink clouds drifting through the evening sky as the sun gave up to twilight. Their movement as they formed words, and single syllables of words was like watching ballet in slow motion. The muscles would tense and relax, sometime accentuating creases and sometime hiding them.

The light, soft folds at the corners of her mouth were the same work of perfection. Meeting in symmetrical unity and a gentle, almost imperceptible curve that rounded out to the flesh tones of her perfect cheeks.

Mike found himself constantly lost in those lips. Wondering, of course, what it would be like to actually touch them with his own. Wondering what they might taste like. Nearly certain that they would taste like the scent of frangipani blossoms drifting on a soft Hawaiian breeze. He wondered if the touch of those perfect lips to his own would be paralyzing in their perfection. If he would touch them and be unable to move or speak. If he would be struck down with a lightning bolt of ecstasy that he would almost certainly be unable… or unwilling to control.

Tawny was just looking at him with a patient smile.

“Oh,” Mike said shaking himself back into reality “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Do you think you’re about ready to begin?” She asked.

“Oh… yeah,” He stumbled with his words. “Sure… let’s do this.”

“Let’s do this indeed,” She said. The smallest curve of a smile tightened up at the corners of her mouth. She winked one perfectly beautiful deep green jeweled eye at him.

He nearly passed out….

Again.

“OK,” Tawny said, “I’ll tape an introduction piece later to splice into the beginning. Right now we’ll just start with the question and answer section.”

“Sounds good,” Mike said.

“Thank you for agreeing to be a part of this project,” Tawny said as she started the interview.

“My pleasure,” Mike said.

“First,” Tawny said, “I think it’s safe to say that people here don’t fully understand the concept of Earth and the division of people. Could you explain that for us?”

“Certainly,” Mike said “There are seven continents on Earth that are naturally separated by water. Does that translate here?”

“Of course,” Tawny answered “but people want to know about the unnatural or self-induced boundaries.”

“I guess to start from the beginning,” Mike said “there are almost 200 separate countries on earth.”

“And could you explain countries,” Tawny said “and how they are differentiated.”

“Countries,” Mike said “or sovereign nations, are separated by boundaries. Sometimes these boundaries are simply a line on a map and sometimes they’re geographical, like lakes rivers or streams. Each country has its own language. Although some countries share a language. Such as Spanish and English.”

“Are people free to move about between these boundaries?” Tawny asked.

“I guess free is a broad concept,” Mike answered. “People can move between boundaries with the proper paper work. It’s easier to move between some, and more difficult to move between others.”

“For example, if two countries are at war, or if two countries have issues with each other. Then it could be more difficult or even impossible to cross between borders.”

We’ll get back to the war part,” Tawny said as she looked down at the clipboard. “Aren’t some of the boundaries actually manmade obstacles?”

“Yes, they are,” Mike said with a tinge of shame in his voice. “There’s a wall between my country and Mexico, for example. Also, there was a physical boundary around Russia. And there’s kind of a physical boundary between North and South Korea.”

“And what are the purposes of these physical boundaries?”

“Some are to keep people out, for example, the boundary that is between Mexico and the United States. Some are to both keep people out as well as keep people in, such as the boundaries around Russia. And in some cases, the boundary is erected to separate people that don’t trust each other or are actively at war. Such as in the case of North and South Korea.”

“Let’s go back to the war part of this,” Tawny said.

“Oh shit,” Mike thought “Let’s not.”

“OK,” he said instead.

“Could you please try to explain the concept of War on your planet,” Tawny said.

“Um, I’ll try.” Mike bit his lower lip. The explanation of war on Earth was always pretty simple. It was either this person or country did this or that thing to us and now we have to retaliate to either preserve our way of life, or just to make sure the score is always even.

“Wars,” Mike started “are fought over many, many things on our planet. They’re fought for control over another country or people, or over power, or religion, or simply because one group of people really hates the other.”

“And when you say fought, how exactly do you mean that?”

“Ummm,” Mike searched for the words. He realized he was looking for words that would make the insanity of the human concept of war seem less animalistic. Then he realized that it wasn’t going to be possible. Might as well go with just the facts ma’am. “Let’s say that one country has done something heinous to another country, or let’s say one country has something that another country wants…”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Tawny said “But what could one of these countries want that it felt it needed to take from the other one?”

“Maybe a resource,” Mike said, “like oil. That’s usually a hot commodity.”

“I should explain here,” Tawny cut in again, “oil is a liquid that’s a residual given off by decaying animals and vegetation. This substance has been under ground for millions of years. Now humans pump this substance out of the ground and burn it to produce energy.”

“That’s correct,” Mike said. “Quite a number of wars have been fought, and I’ll get back to that in a minute, over oil. No one ever admits they’re fighting over oil at the time… but that really is the driving force.”

“But to get back to the question you asked about why countries go to war. Sometimes it’s simply for the control of the land and people in that region.”

“Are you saying that large groups of people actually kill each other to be able to control other people and areas of land.”

“I’m afraid I am Tawny,” Mike said sadly.” In my recent history, and by recent, I mean in the last hundred years, two thirds of the world started killing each other to gain land or territory. Everyone on Earth put the blame of the beginning of the war on the killing of an irrelevant Arch Duke. But really the planet had been itching for a reason to fight each other for quite some time.”

“Why,” Tawny asked.

“I have no idea,” Mike said. “Hundreds of little reasons I guess. Maybe because it had been a few decades since there had been a real large bloodletting. Anyway, after that war was over one of the losing countries lost control of quite a bit of their territory. So they built up a military in secret for 10 or 20 years and then went through a series of ruses to make it look like they were in fact invaded by another country. After that they went on an all-out attack to regain all of the territory they had lost in the previous war. “

“Can I interrupt you one more time?” Tawny asked.

“Of course,” Mike said politely

“Are you saying that this group of people invaded a certain region of the planet because they once had some type of control over that area in the past, and now they wanted it back?”

“That pretty much sums it up, I guess,” Mike said more than just a little embarrassed.

“You mean that all of the people, or the majority of people in this one region, wanted to take over the other region.”

“Not exactly,” Mike said. “The people that governed that certain region kind of whipped the general population into a frenzy and made them feel as though they had been slighted by the outcome of the last war. After that, those same people started the war.”

“So, you mean that not everyone actually fighting in this war wanted control of this region.”

“Unfortunately, that’s exactly right. One of Earths’ poets summed it up pretty good in the beginning of the 20th century. He wrote ‘those that I fight I do not hate. Those that I guard I do not love’.”

“And yet they were actively killing people that they had never met, never talked to, and bore no individual ill will towar,d because a leader or group of leaders told them to,” Tawny said amazed.

“Yeah,” Mike said, “that’s pretty much true.”

“How do these groups of people actually go about making this war happen?”

“War,” Mike said, starting slowly. He realized the ignorance of the words that were about to fall out of his mouth like so much puss from an infected wound. But he had come this far and there was no turning back now, “is an ongoing act of attrition.”

“In what way?” Tawny asked.

“Each side has spent quite a lot of time, money and manpower developing new ways to kill people. The idea is to keep the technological cutting edge. To stay one step ahead of your enemies. And if you don’t have any enemies at the present time, then you must stay ahead of enemies that you might have in the future.

“When two armies meet,” Mikes lip was starting to quiver just a little. “The idea is for each group to kill as many of the other group as is humanly possible before they have a chance to kill too many of the people in your group…”

Mike hesitated. He felt dirty. He felt like he was walking around a beautiful pasture smashing baby chicks with his bare feet with every step.

“Kill how?” Tawny asked.

“Oh Jesus,” Mike thought. “Don’t ask me that. Don’t ask me the one question that not even humans can stand to ask themselves. Soldiers are simply lost or they gave their lives or whatever. No one tells the truth. No one says a fellow human being was blown apart, or a child died clawing at her lungs as poison gas ripped her beautiful tiny body apart from the inside out. Or that a young man was forced to beat a fellow human being to death with an empty rifle. Don’t make me explain these things. And please for the love of God don’t make me tell you how we justify it.”

“Killing,” Mike said. He was leaning forward with his forearms resting on his legs. His head hung as he starred at the floor. “Killing is done in whatever way it takes to do away with a person in an opposing army. Artillery was developed that flings explosives into groups of people blowing them apart. Guns have come quite a way as well. These things are small pieces of artillery that are able to be easily carried by a man. They discharge small metal pellets at very high rates of speed. These guns are directed at other armies. They tear flesh apart, dismember people, or worse, wound them, or disfigure them for the rest of their lives. Leaving the survivors to carry around incredible pain until they finally can die of their wounds or old age,” Mike was sobbing “when armies get to close together and the long-distance weapons are no longer of use people wade into each other and murder every one they can get their hands on in any way possible. They stab each other with knives, or beat each other to death with rocks,” he was shaking now. “They bite, and punch, and claw, each other to death because someone told them they had to do it to show how much of a patriot they were. Or prove how ready they were to defend their way of life…”

He stopped and looked up at Tawny. His eyes were red and swollen and tears freely streamed down both cheeks.

“I am so sorry,” he crooked out. “Jesus Christ, I am just so… sorry.”

“That’s ok,” Tawny said. Her cheeks were flushed and she was clearly horrified. But there was also a deep look of pity on her face for Mike. “Why don’t we take a break. Or just stop this all together if it’s too much for you.”

“No,” mike said as he rubbed his face. “No, I’m good. Let’s go on.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “We certainly don’t have too.”

“No,” Mike said. “Let’s do this. I’m ok… really.”

“OK,” Tawny said “but just let me know if you want to stop.

“I will, thanks.”

“OK, Mike,” Tawny went back into the interview. “I know something of national imagery from my time I’ve spent on your planet. Could you explain that for our viewers?”

“I think,” Mike said “what about national imagery do you want to know about specifically?”

“Well,” Tawny said as she tapped her pen on her chin, “flags for example. I’ve always found that concept fascinating.”

“Flags,” Mike said. He had never actually thought about flags before. “Each country has its own flag. A flag is a piece of cloth that has been designed to represent specific things about that country. It’s used to make those people feel unified and make them act as one. For example, the flag that represents my country has a blue square in one corner of it, and the blue square contains white stars. The rest of the flag has red and white stripes. Each thing on that flag has a specific meaning. The blue square stands for one thing, the stars stand for another, and even the color and number of stripes stand for something else.”

“We start teaching our children at a very young age to pledge their very lives to this flag, and to protect it against other people that are being taught to do the same thing for their flags.”

“Why would you teach your children to die for a piece of cloth?” Tawny asked.

“Because that piece of cloth represents your country. And letting anything bad happen to that piece of cloth is the same thing as letting something bad happen to your country. We write poems about our flag, and songs about it.”

“You write songs about a colored piece of cloth?” Tawny asked.

“Yes,” Mike said. He was pushing through the stupidity of human nature now. “Eventually a group of people with a national flag pick one of these songs to be representative of that nation and that nations flag. That song is called the national anthem.”

“All countries have this?” Tawny asked.

“As far as I know,” Mike said. “At least all of the bigger countries do.”

“This song,” Mike went on ,“is played whenever the flag is presented in public.”

“Any time?” Tawny asked.

“Well, yeah,” Mike said. “Like at the beginning of sporting events.”

“Yes,” Tawny said, “I want to be sure and get back to sporting events later.”

She made a note on her pad.

“Anyway,” Mike went on “at the beginning of, say… a football game, a giant flag is brought out onto the field. The national anthem is played and people are expected to stand up and sing along with the music.”

“And what if they don’t?” Tawny asked.

“If they don’t they are usually subject to public scorn and hatred. They are labeled as radicals, or unpatriotic. Sometimes fights break out because someone sits during the playing of this song, or even worse turns their back on the flag.”

“If someone turns their back on this piece of cloth,” Tawny asked, “people might attack them?”

“I’m afraid so,” mike said “we spend quite a lot of time in my country yelling at each other about how they should be reverent about… the cloth.”

“I’d like to go back to something you said before if you don’t mind,” Tawny said.

“Certainly,” Mike said.

“You said that sometimes religion is a thing that could make two different groups of people go to war. Could you explain religion to me?”

“I have to assume you personally know something of religion from your deep space work,” Mike said “is there anything here that correlates, or am I starting with s blank canvas here?”

“I’m afraid you’re starting from zero,” she said.

“OK,” Mike said as he searched the ceiling for the right words, “on Earth most people are searching for the reason they are on that planet in the first place. Also, they need the security of knowing that someone or something is in actual control of daily events.”

“Why would that bring security?” she asked.

“If an entity is actually in control, then there has to be a grand scheme to things. If your mother dies of cancer it wasn’t just some random act. Some other entity took her life for a purpose.”

Tawny just raised one eye brow.

“All civilizations on earth,” Mike said “well, at least all of them I can think of, have some sort of a belief system as to how the world came to be, what controls daily events, and where life is going eventually.”

“Some people are something called pagans. That word actually started out as a derogatory term used by early Christians to describe anyone that wasn’t them, Jews, or Muslims. But that would take way too long to explain.

“Pagans usually are polytheists. That means that they have many Gods…”

“Could you explain Gods for the viewers?”

“Sure,” Mike said. “A god is an unseen entity that people believe controls everything there is to do with whatever people think they are in charge of. For example, there might be a god of trees and plants. This god would be responsible for everything that has to do with vegetation, including crops. If a farmer is growing a specific crop they might pray to that god to ensure that they would be blessed with a good harvest.”

“I’m sorry Mike,” Tawny cut in, “could you explain praying?”

“Ah, I think so. Praying is something that you do… kind of like thinking… but directing that thought at a specific thing. You would think toward this god. Usually, at some point you have to tell this particular god how awesome they are, and in turn how pretty much worthless you are, and that you would be thrilled if that god could give you the thing you were asking for.”

“Why is it important that you tell this god how great they are?” Tawny asked.

“I guess the best way I can explain that is to talk about the religion that I was brought up in,” Mike said. “We are monotheists that worship a single god.”

Tawny started to say something but Mike cut her off with a rise of a finger. He knew she was going to ask what worshiping was all about.

“Our god, as far as we’re concerned created everything.”

“Everything?” Tawny said.

“Yeah. He created the planet Earth and the seas, then he created all of the animals and plants. Then he created humans. Well, he created a male, then he created a woman so the man would have someone to talk to. I guess the man got tired of talking to the animals.”

He could sense the beginnings of a smirk crossing Tawny’s perfect mouth.

“Yeah,” Mike said pressing on, “God actually created light and dark.”

“What?” Tawny said.

“Ah, daylight and subsequent darkness,” Mike said. “God created that. There was an incident with a talking snake, but that’s too much to get into right now. Anyhow, God created free will.”

“God created free will,” Tawny said.

Mike shot her an apologetic half grin, “yeah,” he said.

“So,” Mike continued “the reason that God created man was to worship him…”

“Hang on,” Tawny said “This god created human beings simply to have something living on a planet… that this thing also created… that would spend the day telling this god how terrific it was?”

“And how worthless they were. Apparently, that makes God happy somehow.”

“Does everyone on Earth believe some form of this?” she asked.

“Well no,” he said, “there are some people that don’t agree with any of the theologies. These people are called atheists.”

“What do these atheists believe?” she said.

“Different things. They don’t really have a unified thought process. About the only thing they do have in common is that they think the entire God concept is pretty childish. They think humans are a biological happening on the planet, and that their only reason for being there in the first place is to provide comfort to their fellow humans and make their life a little more comfortable.”

“How do others take this group?”

“Not very well I must say. Atheists are pretty much universally discredited by every religion on the planet.”

“Why is that?” She asked.

“Basically, what they believe spits in the face of what religious people have been taught ever since they had been potty-trained. Religion relies on faith. You have to have faith that something that you have never seen, and no one you know has ever seen, controls things in a way you can’t see or begin to understand.”

“What do religious people think happens if you stop having faith, or if you bring disfavor on to this entity.”

“Ahhhhhhhh,” Mike wasn’t looking forward to fielding this question. “If you sin, and before you ask, sinning is basically acting in a way that you know in your heart is wrong in the first place. Like murder, of theft, abusing another person. If you do that, or if you don’t believe in that god, or if even worse you live your life in a way that angers this god… then he… this god… sends your soul to a horrible place to spend the rest of eternity being tortured by evil beings.”

“What the…” Tawny started and the regained her professional air. “Why does god do that?”

“Because he loves you?” Mike said weakly.

“You mean… wait… this god… torments the essence of your being… for eternity, because he loves you?” Tawny stumbled over her words.

“Pretty much,” Mike shrugged.

“And adults believe this?” Tawny asked. “We’re not talking about children here. We’re talking about adults.”

“Yes,” Mike said “our entire civilization is based on some form of this ideology. I guess this leads into the subject of wars for religion, doesn’t it.”

Tawny was just looking at him.

“A very long time ago the majority of the world was controlled by two major religions, Christians and Muslims. Both of these groups laid claim to a region that was historically significant to them, and they both wanted control of it.”

“Control for what purpose?” Tawny asked.

That was actually an outstanding question. What was the purpose?

“It’s hard for us to understand the concept of control here,” Tawny explained. “Why couldn’t both groups exist in the same place at the same time? I mean, let’s say that this certain spot had… I don’t know… 100,000 people living in it. And let’s say half of them were Muslims and half were Christians. Why couldn’t they both live in the same place at the same time if that place was that important to them?”

“These two groups of people hated each other because they each viewed the other’s religious beliefs as going against God. They both felt that if they allowed the other to stay in their most sacred land that it would infuriate God, and there would be consequences.”

“Consequences?”

“Yes,” Mike said. “Like pestilence and plague. Things like that.”

“These people believed that this entity, that created them, would bring horrible suffering because they allowed people to live in an area that they thought was sacred?”

“That’s about right,” Mike said. “These wars were known as the crusades. Kings, or Popes, they were rulers of the Christians, would get armies together and travel thousands of miles to toss the Muslims out of the holy land. The wars were horrible and cost hundreds of thousands of lives. They lasted for around 200 years.”

“200 years?” Tawny said in surprise.

Mike just nodded.

“Certainly people in modern times can see the ignorance of this slaughter?” Tawny said.

“You would think that,” Mike said. “But today that area is still being fought over by Jews, original Christians, and Muslims. People are killed constantly there. Homes are destroyed and families are displaced. It’s all pretty horrible, and it’s almost 1000 years later.”

“But people understand the futility there, don’t they?”

“Far from it, I’m afraid. In this day and age, people expect leaders of the free world to choose sides in that conflict. Even though that country doesn’t actually have a stake in that fight. The Crusader Christians and the Muslims that fight them still exist today, and still kill each other after all that time. Of course, everyone says it’s for other reasons now. But it really all comes down to the same thing. Pick a god and fight to the death. The sad part is that they are both fighting over the same god.”

“I guess I wasn’t ready for that one,” Tawny said. “They both believe in the same god? So why fight?”

“They fight because one side says the other side is worshiping all wrong,” Mike held up his hand again to cut off a question. “Don’t try to understand it. It’s just as crazy as it sounds. Of course, they each could give praise and live life however they wanted, right alongside each other if they wanted to. There is nothing stopping them from that. I guess when it comes right down to it, it all boils down to the fact that this is just not how the human mind works. It never has made sense, and it never will. People will continue to kill each other and distrust each other over something no one has ever seen, felt, or talked to. Over something that only has a physical presence in what other humans have written about. It doesn’t make sense and I can’t make it make any. I’m sorry.”

“Let’s move on to something you said earlier,” Tawny said as she glanced down at here notes. “You were talking about laws and governing. Could you explain some of that to me? I don’t think we actually have anything here that compares to that type of system.”

“I’ll try,” Mike said. “On Earth all society has rules that the people are expected to live by.”

“Rules?” Tawny asked. “Rules that people wouldn’t know the answers to in the first place?”

“No,” Mike said “the majority of these rules are pretty simple. They cover things that people know better than in the first place. Actually, a number of religions believe that these rules were given to us by God a long time ago.”

“By given do you mean that they were instilled on your conscious mind by the creator.”

“Ah, no,” Mike said as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I mean actually given. As in God came down to Earth and actually told one of the leaders what laws they should be living by.”

“Came down?” Tawny said, “From where?”

“Heaven,” Mike said as he sighed. “Honestly there is no way I can explain heaven. It would be like describing red to a blind person.

“Anyway,” Mike went on “some laws are pretty basic as I said. Don’t kill each other, don’t steal from each other, things like that.”

“So there are laws telling people that it’s bad to kill another person?” Twany said.

“Well yes,” Mike said. “But it’s not like people wouldn’t know killing was a bad thing. But if there were no immediate consequences for doing something like that, people would be killing other people all the time and justifying it with a good reason that person needed to die.”

“What kind of consequences?”

“Sometimes it’s prison, and sometimes it’s the death penalty,” Mike said.

“Let’s break that down, because I know that no one in the audience gets either concept,”

“OK, Prison is a place where people are taken that break the law. In a prison that person will be locked in a cell…”

Tawny interrupted him. “Could you explain a cell?”

“Yeah,” Mike said. “A cell is like a cage.”

“And how many days do you keep a person in this cage?” She asked.

“Well,” Mike said, “In the cases of the worst crimes they can spend the rest of their life in there.”

“The rest of their lives?” Tawny asked.

“Yes,” Mike said, “but that’s usually preferable to the other option.”

“How bad could the other option be?” She asked.

“The other option is death. So pretty bad.”

“You mean you actually kill people for breaking the law?”

“Usually only in a case where a person murders someone else.”

“So, if say I was to murder you, the government would murder me?”

“Yes,” Mike said, “and before you say it. No, it doesn’t make any sense. Murder is morally wrong and against the law. Unless that murder is enacted by the government on a person that murdered someone else, or if that murder was committed by a soldier employed by the government specifically to kill other people. But only when that soldier kills the people that the government specifically tells them to kill. If that solder kills people that the government didn’t tell him to kill or kills them in a way that the government didn’t approve of, then that solder could be murdered by the government or put in a cage for the rest of their life.”

Tawny was just looking at him again.

“Really?” She said and was instantly upset with herself for devolving into general conversation in an interview.

“I’m afraid so,” Mike said.

Tawny shook her head.

“How does the government murder law breakers?” She asked.

“It varies from place to place,” Mike said. “In some countries they hang or electrocute the person. Sometimes they inject them with chemicals that kill them pretty instantly. In other countries they cut the persons head off in public, and sometimes they kill them by throwing rocks at them.”

“You made that last one up,” she said, “didn’t you?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“They tie someone to a post or something and hit them with rocks until they’re dead?” She asked

Mike just nodded again.

“But really when it comes down to it,” Mike said “it really doesn’t matter if you get hung, stoned, shot, poisoned, electrocuted, or beheaded, you’re still just as dead.”

“Yes you are,” she said quietly.

“Anyway,” Mike continued, “there are thousands of other laws that don’t carry that kind of weight. Some are punishable by a simple fine, and some can carry a sentence of 5, 10, 15, 20, or 30 years in prison.

“There are laws against theft, as I said. And laws against driving too fast, or building a building in a way that the government doesn’t approve of. There are laws in some places restricting who you can and who you can’t marry.”

“Just a minute,” Tawny said holding up a hand. “Could you explain marriage and the laws that govern that?”

Sure,” Mike said. He was thinking this should be an easy one. “Marriage is when two people fall in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. So they go to the government and get a license…”

“Why would the government get involved in this,” she asked “and why would you need a license?”

“You need a license to prove that you’re married,” Mike answered.

“Prove to who?” she asked.

“To the government,” Mike said.

“Why does the government care?” She asked.

“For tax reasons, and in case these people want to separate, and of course as I said there are restrictions on who can marry who.”

“Let’s take that one at a time,” Tawny said. “The first thing you said was ‘in case they want to separate.’ Why would the government care if a couple that was married would want to separate?”

“Well,” Mike said “there would need to be a dividing up of property, and the kids would need to be taken care of, and a list of rules would have to be worked up on how the two people would govern any interactions they might have in the future.”

“You mean that the two people that had children wouldn’t simply know that these children still needed to be cared for and act accordingly?”

“Not really,” Mike said.

“I think that I should explain to the audience here that when people on Earth have children they usually stay with that couple, living in their home for 18 to 25 years before going out on their own. Isn’t that right Mike?”

“Uh… yeah,” Mike said. “How the hell do they work that here?” he wondered.

“You said not everyone can marry. Can you explain that?”

“I think so,” Mike said. “In my country for example it is not legal for people of the same sex to marry. There are also laws against adults marrying children, and people marrying immediate family.”

“In the case of marrying immediate family,” Tawny said, “why would there be a law against that?”

“Because there may be birth defects in the children,” Mike said matter-of-factly.

“Why would people that know they have a high risk of birthing a child with a birth defect have children in the first place? Isn’t that irresponsible? I mean these people could have a meaningful relationship if they wanted to without having children, couldn’t they?”

“Of course, they could,” Mike said, “but chances are that they would anyway.”

“So then there must be laws against having sexual relations with a close family member then.”

“You’d think so wouldn’t you? But no.”

“Tell me about people of the same sex being married,” Tawny said “why would that be against the law? It certainly isn’t because they would have children with issues, or children at all”

“No, it wouldn’t,” He said. “Same sex couples in my country can’t get married because the Bible, that’s the holy book that is considered to be the word of God, says it’s wrong.”

“So your country is governed by a book that was written thousands of years ago in a land that had nothing to do with your country, and was written by an unseen spirit.”

“No,” Mike said. “In fact we have laws forbidding a connection between religion and government.”

“But his law comes directly from the Bible… right?”

“Yes, it does,” Mike said. “And there is no other basis for it, other than the fact that the church has always been against same sex marriage. No one’s life changes when people of the same sex get married, no one is hurt by it, and no one loses anything when these people marry. It simply is frowned on by the church, consequently there is a law against it.”

“But the church isn’t allowed to make laws.”

“Correct.”

“And there is a law stating that.”

“Correct.”

“But this law is simply in existence for moral reasons that stem directly from the teachings of the church.”

“Correct again.”

“Let’s move on,” Tawny said as she looked down at her pad.

“Please do.”

“Let’s stick with laws for a little bit,” Tawny said.

“OK.”

“Is there any aspect of life on Earth that is not covered by a series of laws?” Tawny asked.

“Remember that I only know of what happens in my country,” Mike said. “I have no idea what other countries do as far as their rules and laws are concerned. I will say that I assume they have the same basic laws that we have, but I’m not sure about others.

“And as far as your question is concerned, the answer is no, there is no aspect of life that is not covered by laws. We have an entire job description on Earth that does nothing but interpret laws, defend people that break laws, and prosecute people that break those laws.”

“I’m afraid that I don’t understand,” Tawny said. “If you have a law that everyone has agrees needs to exist, then why would anyone break that law. You’ve certainly made it easy to know right from wrong. All you have to do is read the law book. Why would anyone break those laws?”

“Sometimes,” Mike said “people don’t know that they’ve broken a law until they have done it. Usually those are simple laws. Like having a license for you dog’ or cutting down a tree without a permit.”

“You have laws covering those types of things?”

“I’m afraid so. In those cases you usually just have to pay a fine. But people break laws all the time because they think they might be able to get away with it.”

“Do you mean to tell me,” Tawny said “that people on your planet not only know the difference between right and wrong, they have a book telling them what is right and wrong and they still do the wrong thing because they think no one will find out?”

“Yeah,” Mike said, “that about sums it up. Sometimes if a human has to decide what to do in a situation that is not covered by a law, for example saying something that might hurt someone, or not helping someone that is in distress in public, they will do whatever is either easiest, or more beneficial for them because there are no immediate personal consequences.”

“That,” Tawny said as she looked deep into Mikes eyes “has to be an extremely horrible way to live.”

“It really is the only thing we know,” Mike said. “Everyone on Earth complains about human nature. Everyone talks about how they want things to be different. But no one is ready to be the one to change the way they live. Everyone knows that if they live life the way that they know they should, it would make them vulnerable. It’s sad, but true.”

“You said earlier that people on Earth get married; and some of them apparently stay together for life. I got the impression that they amass property in some way that would need to be legally divided in the event that they were to separate.”

“Yes,” Mike said “that’s true.”

“How would they amass that property?” Tawny asked.

“Well,” Mike said, “they might buy a house or a car. Of course there would have to be a sharing of the financial assets.”

“When you say buy a house,” Tawny asked as she wrote a note on her pad. “How do you mean that?”

“Well,” Mike said, just a little confused “they would look for a house they both liked, and could afford, and, uh, buy it.”

“When you buy something,” Tawny asked, “is it yours then, and no one else’s?”

“Of course it is,” Mike said.

“What do you use to buy property?”

“Money,” Mike said, not sure where this was going.

“Could you explain the concept of money to us?” Tawny asked.

“First let me ask you a question. Don’t you have a form of compensation for anything?” Mike asked.

“Everyone here works for the betterment of our society,” Tawny said. “We don’t have to be given anything to accomplish a job. Everyone knows what needs to be done and does it.”

“OK,” Mike said. “On Earth people get paid money for the work that they do. I could explain how money gets its value but I’m not sure that even I understand how that happens. Let’s just say that we all agree that a certain piece of paper is worth a monetary amount. We are given a certain amount of money for a job we do, and then we use that money to buy things we need.”

“Does everyone receive the same amount of money for the work that they do?”

“Well,” Mike said uncomfortably, “no. People that are president of a large corporation make quite a lot more than say someone that’s a cook in a restaurant.”

“How much more?” Tawny asked.

“I’ve heard that it could be as much as 200 or 300 times more.”

“That is one of the most incredible things I’ve ever heard,” Tawny said in honest surprise. “Someone that feeds other people that actually gives something that people can’t live without, makes next to nothing compared to someone that directs a corporation?”

“It seems kind of wrong when you put it like that I guess,” Mike said. “But people that heal others make quite a lot of money as well.”

“Do they make more than the head of a corporation?” she asked.

“Well no. But…”

“So people that are facilitators for a company, people that spend all day telling others what to do make more than people that save lives?” she asked.

“Yes,” Mike said “but that’s how the free market works. If someone wanted to make that much more money they should become a corporate CEO and not a doctor.”

“So then anyone can become a CEO?”

“Well, no,” Mike said. “There are only so many companies in the first place, and you kind of have to be born into that kind of lifestyle to begin with.”

Tawny was just looking at him and taping her lower lip with her pen.

“But there have to be thousands of healthcare workers,” she said. “Where does all of the money come from to pay these people more than a cook.”

“Ummm,” Mike said uncomfortably, “the vast majority don’t make much more than a cook.”

“But you just said that income is based on importance,” she said “and although you apparently put little importance on having food to eat, you clearly put quite a lot of importance on caring for the ill. How do some of these people make less than others?”

“Doctors make more than nurses…” Mike said

“How much more?” she asked.

“I would guess, I don’t know,” Mike was searching the blank ceiling for a way out of this corner, “five times more.”

“So doctors make five times more than anyone else in the health care profession?” Tawny asked.

Well no,” Mike said.

“But you just said…”

“Doctors make five times more than nurses,” Mike cut her off. “Most of the rest of the health care people make less than nurses, and a number of them make almost half as much.”

“I must admit that I don’t understand the level of importance compared to the compensation,” she said. “But let’s move on.”

“Are there people that don’t have money?” Tawny asked.

“Yes unfortunately, there are people that don’t make enough to sustain any kind of appreciable life.”

“How do they exist in this system then?” Tawny asked.

“A lot of them have to exist on programs that the government sets up to ensure that they have enough to eat from day to day,” Mike said.

“So if you don’t work to make money, then the government gives it to you?”

“After a fashion,” Mike said. “The government is only going to give out enough to get by. If a person can’t work or has personal hardships, they have to go through a pretty lengthy process of filing paper work to receive very little money. They also receive a form of health care.”

“At least they have that,” she said.

“To be fair,” Mike said “any type of ‘free’ services that people receive are not nearly of the same quality of the services that people with money receive. People with money get the best health care, the best legal assistance, and the best housing, food, etcetera.”

“Wouldn’t it be better for everyone on the planet if everyone was healthy and well fed?” she asked.

“There are a number of problems here,” Mike said “quite often people that don’t necessarily have issues that would keep them from working, work very hard to find ways to cheat the government out of free services. Then the rest of society uses these people as an example of why those services shouldn’t exist in the first place.”

“Some people are evil, so everyone suffers,” she said. “Is that about right?”

“I’m afraid it is,” Mike said.

“Do all societies on the planet work this way?” She asked.

“No,” Mike said, “there are socialist societies, and communists, dictatorships, and other forms. I would guess that socialism is the closest to what you have here.”

“I assume that doesn’t work because of the problem you mentioned with people cheating the system. So that’s not very popular,” she said.

“Yes,” Mike answered. “But there’s more to it than that. Let’s say that Serilda was a horrible facilitator. She’s not, but let’s assume she is. A lot of people are hurt because of her self-serving practices. On Earth if a form of government is corrupt like that, no matter if it’s a good idea or not, then the people that stand to lose the most from that form of government will constantly bombard the public with fearmongering tactic that show what a horrible system it was, and not what a horrible person Serilda was. They would push a form of government that was best for them and remind everyone how they suffered under the last system.”

“Communism is like that,” Mike went on. “Communism is a pretty good idea on paper. Everyone works for the common good and everyone shares in the good times as well as the bad. Unfortunately, the communist system was run by corrupt people that weren’t willing to actually make everything equal. They still expected the top tiers of government to receive more than the people. In the end people in other countries that would have less under this system convinced the masses that life would be horrible under that system by pointing out what the corrupt rulers did to hurt their own people.

“You see,” Said Mike “it wasn’t the system, it was the people that ran the system that were bad. But people are pretty easily swayed, and more importantly, are extremely easily scared. And a scared public will do some of the most amazing things that are definitely not in their own best interest, in order to have the idea of security.”

“How do you mean that last part?” Tawny asked.

“We had a situation in my country that happened almost 20 years ago,” Mike said “everything on the planet changed after that because people were scared.”

“How did one thing change all of that?”

“It’s extremely complicated and will take some time to explain,” Mike said.

“Take all of the time you need,” Tawny encouraged him.

“As a point of history,” he started “my country was involved in a war when I was a teenager. It was a horrible war, as they all are, and it stemmed from decisions that were made following wars that had come before it. As they all do, no war happens in a vacuum. During this war the people of my country grew tired of the death, and the government that kept perpetuating that destruction for unclear reasons. After a few years of this the public started to direct quite a lot of anger at the common solders that were forced to fight it in the first place. These men and women were spit on, and called baby killers, and worse.”

“Didn’t these people go to fight willingly?” She asked.

“Some did,” Mike said sadly, “but quite a few others were forced to go against their will through something called a draft. They were notified by the government that they would be inducted into the military and be sent to fight the war.”

“That had to be horrible,” she said.

“You have no idea,” Mike said. “Anyway, the next major war to come along happened around 20 years later. People still remembered the abuse that the solders took during the last war, and there was a ground swell of emotion to make sure that the solders that fought this new war weren’t treated the same way. That war only lasted about four days. But the patriotic fervor that the American people had whipped up for the military continued to grow.

“A lot of people were killed, displaced, and had their lives destroyed in that short war and they felt as though it was actually an extension of the crusades from 1000 years before.”

“Why would they think that?”

“Because the majority of the people attacking the country were Christians and the majority of the people being attacked were Muslims… just like before. Many of these people developed a deep-seated hatred for Christians and vowed vengeance. So a group of them plotted a scheme to steal airliners full of people and fly those airplanes into huge buildings in one of the most populated areas in my country.”

Tawny was wide eyed. “Were they successful?”

“I’m afraid they were,” Mike said “thousands of people were killed. Instantly my country began to plan vengeance, but it was hard to decide who was to pay for what had been done. The people that stole they aircraft died in the crashes, and no one knew who the people were that planned the attack. In the past, wars were easy.”

Tawny raised her eye brows.

“I mean that one country had wronged another country in some way, so to get even you waged war with that country. In this case the attack had been made by an ideal. The group that took credit for it was a radical Muslim group. People weren’t comfortable with waging war on a religion. So we did the only thing that we historically knew to do.”

“What was that?”

“We attacked a country,” Mike said. “Well, two countries actually, that we felt had ties to the group that had attacked us. People didn’t care what the consequences of that action might bring. And human beings are noted for not learning from history. Several things happened next. We started to hold our military up to almost a God-like status to make up for shitting all over them in the other war. If you were a veteran you could do no wrong. All you had to do was wear your uniform or let people find out you were in the military and people were falling all over themselves to tell you how great you were.

“The other thing we did was to give away the majority of our personal freedoms. It became almost impossible to get on an airplane. People waiting to travel by air were frisked and inspected and made to walk through metal and explosive detectors. We made a special section of the government called the Transportation Safety Administration that ran these check points. They would walk up and down the lines of people waiting to get patted down to get on an airplane, and if they heard someone joking about explosives in their underwear, or if passengers got upset about waiting in line for hours then getting touched by a grabby government official they were taken out of line and arrested.

“People serving passengers on airlines became just as feared as the TSA. They could have you removed from a flight for not moving your seat. Or for moving to a different seat that they had not assigned to you.

“Of course, everyone that lived in this country that belonged to the religious sect that had perpetuated the attack came under instant scrutiny. They were attacked in public by scared citizens just for being a Muslim. People attacked and defaced places were Muslims gathered. And of course, hundreds of millions of dollars were spent to ensure that no one could get across the border to harm us. We were like a bunch of old ladies that had been robbed. We locked ourselves in the house and peered out through the curtains in frightened suspicion at every single person that walked down our street. And we absolutely shit our pants if someone actually knocked on our door.

“Of course, politicians thrived on this fear and screamed that they were the only ones that could protect us from the nonexistent massive onslaught that was beating down our doors to hurt us. The really sad part is, for the most part, we bought it. We put a bunch of dirt bags in place to rule us and enact a bunch of self-serving laws that exploited the public and their fears. We closed off our borders to anyone that we were told was going to hurt us, no matter if there was any proof of that or not. We began to arm ourselves in record numbers with guns.

“Of course, we paid the price for that. And in fact, we still are. People have become deranged with fear. There is a group that preaches the only way to ensure that the public is protected is to ensure that everyone has a gun. Mass killings have become common place, and some of the worst ones have happened to our children in our schools.”

“Certainly, that has forced the general public to realize the error in their ways?” Tawny said hopefully.”

“Tawny,” Mike said slowly, “a person with a rifle walked into a school and murdered 20 six-year-old children in their classroom…”

A tear rolled down Mikes face. Tawny sat in stunned silence.

“So that was what changed things?” She finally said.

“No, it didn’t. Not one single thing changed. People simply called for more guns. And good people sat silently by and did nothing. Then 500 people were wounded in public by a lone shooter, and 50 were killed. Still nothing was done. I… mean… nothing.

“Now people that want more guns actually believe that these killings never happened. That the people involved, the people that were murdered as they went about their day living their lives, were simply actors that were hired by the government to horrify people enough to take their guns away.”

“I don’t understand?” Tawny said quietly.

“Neither do I,” Mike said “neither do I.”

Twelve:

Mike and Bob were sitting on a picnic bench facing each other in the large open-air dinning facility. I like it by Cardi B was playing in the background.

“I have to say buddy,” Bob said “I’ll give the tune a 10 but I must be missing something in the translation on the lyrics.”

“You probably aren’t,” Mike said. “Are you hearing about having lots of sex, cursing, racial slurs, and bitches, in two languages?”

“Pretty much,” Bob said.

“Then you’re hearing it right.”

“As much time as I’ve spent on the animal farm I have to say I don’t get youse guys,” Bob said.

Another man that Mike had seen around the “village” came over and patted Bob on the back.

“Room for some company?” The man asked.

“Hey Briz,” Bob said, “grab a seat. Have you met the earthling yet?”

“No, I have not,” the man said smiling at Mike, “but I’ve certainly seen his interview on the box. Quite the shakeup I’d say.”

“Mike, this is Brizio,” Bob said as the man sat down next to Bob. “Brizio, this is Wildman Mike.”

Bob leaned over toward Brizio and said conspiratorially, “He ain’t from around these parts.”

“Hi Mike. Nice tunes by the way,” Brizio said as he pointed to the ceiling.

“Thanks,” Mike said “nice to meet you.”

Bob and Tawny had decided that Mike needed a distraction after the interview. Mike had been pretty broody since then, and for good reason. It’s hard to lay bare all human frailties in front of people that truly don’t understand Earth’s animalistic nature. Bob thought it would be a good idea to give Mike control over the entertainment after dinner.

“Brizio,” Mike said, “that sounds a lot like Earthly Italian.”

“From what I understand,” Brizio said, “it is.”

“There are quite a few things here that remind me of Italy,” Mike said. “Even your language sounds like a cross between that and something else that I can’t quite put my finger on.”

“Hawaiian,” Bob said.

“Yeah,” Mike said as he turned off his translator, “Hawaiian. That’s an odd combo. I thought that’s what it was when I got here, but that was too wild of a connect.”

“We tend to adapt pretty quick here,” Brizio said. “Our original language is closer to pure Hawaiian, or Samoan than what we currently speak. But that kind of makes historical sense, doesn’t it.”

“How?” Mike asked.

“If you were going to populate your planet,” Bob asked him “where would the most beautiful place on Earth be, that was also secluded enough to start the colonization without too much outside interference?”

“I guess I’d have to say in the South Pacific islands,” Mike said.

“Bingo dude. So, before you rupture your brain testicles any trying to do the relatively easy math; Mike and Gloria, your Adam and Eve, were Hawaiian.”

“I’ll be damned,” Mike said.

“Probably,” Bob said, “especially after what we all heard on your interview.”

Mike just glared at Bob.

“Wait a minute,” Mike said. “How could you have started this whole mess in Hawaii? Humans have been on the Earth longer than the Hawaiian Islands have existed.”

“First,” Bob said “all of that is as far as you know. Second, are you sure you’re talking about humans. The question you should be asking here is, why have you never found the missing link?”

Bob just raised his eyebrows.

“Because there ain’t one,” he finally said.

Brizio just smiled and shrugged.

“Explain the Italian part then,” Mike said.

“That’s pretty easy as well,” Brizio said. “We spent quite a lot of time with the Romans back when they were in vogue. Of course, they spoke mostly Latin. But, we stuck with them through the fall of their empire because we thought they could make a pretty awesome comeback. Then there was that whole thing with Constantine, and the ‘vision’,” Brizio made ‘air quotes,’ “and they became the ‘Holy’ Roman Empire, and things kind of went downhill from there. But the language that was beginning to form was pretty captivating.”

“Yeah,” Bob said. “Captivating.”

“So we started to assimilate it into our speech patterns,” Brizio went on “and it kind of just evolved into what you hear now.”

The music went silent.

“Hey, Maestro,” Bob said as he pointed to the ceiling. Best Friend by Sofi Tukker started to roll through the air.

“Thanks,” Brizio said.

“So it looked like you were pretty upset on the interview,” Brizio said.

“Yeah,” Mike said, “I guess I was. It’s just pretty hard to learn that there is actually a species out there that is pretty much devoid of our human failings. Then to have to explain all of the bullshit, that we have spent lifetimes convincing ourselves is out of our power to control, is really depressing.”

“I honestly don’t understand how you people can function from one day to the next,” Brizio said. “I would be looking over my shoulder every single minute of every day.”

“Being here,” Mike said, “removed from all of the unnecessary issues on Earth makes me realize that in fact I did spend my entire life looking over my shoulder. Trust in one of the biggest intangible assets on Earth. I don’t think people every really trust another person. I mean, lots of people say they do, and I guess they really believe they do. But as soon as someone starts acting suspicious people get on edge. If they really did trust that person they would simply ask what was up and accept that answer. The fact that they’ll question it says everything you need to know about trust.”

“I guess it does,” said Bob. “Do you think that anything you take back with you will even start to scratch the surface of change?”

Mike felt a twinge of guilt right in the center of his forehead. He knew that everything he was doing right now was the basest form of human shenanigans. He was trying to keep these people at bay with bullshit about going back home until he could figure out a way to convince them he should stay. It wasn’t hurting anyone else of course. But at the core of it, wasn’t this exactly what he was trying to run away from, just as fast as he could.

“I really think I can,” Mike lied. But he didn’t just lie. No, he lied really, really well. He lied good enough that he was sure his two table mates bought the bullshit he was putting out. And after all, why wouldn’t they. Deception was completely new to them.

Paint it Black by the Rolling Stones started to play.

“Shit,” Mike thought. “I have to be more careful about what I think here.”

And there it was again. Human deceit. Mike was slammed into full-on Red Bull energy denial. He kept telling himself that it was just for now. That he would control his human disease after he got what he wanted. If he played his hand now they’d drop kick his butt right onto the next deep space probe for a one-way trip to earth. That’s it, game over, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and the fat lady sings for the masses.

Mike was looking down at the table concentrating. Suddenly his head snapped up and a broad grin spread across his face.

Slowly, overhead, the pinging of a banjo could be heard. As it grew it sounded almost like a train was slowly starting to roll out of the station. The banjo kept on restlessly pinging out the same mechanical rhythm. Then a long easy draw across the strings of a smoky mountain fiddle slid into the background. The sweet harmony of the two together settled into the soul of the room. Everybody seemed to stop what they were doing and listened to the slow, painfully beautiful blend of the two instruments.

Then a guitar joined in. The beat was bouncy and playful. Bob looked up at Mike, then at Brizio and smiled. The fiddle drug in the other direction then back again, like it was stepping down… no, that wasn’t it. The notes were stepping down the scale, but the music was stepping up. It was building. And it just kept building until the room was about to burst.

“Oh man,” Bob said.

Mike smiled bigger.

“Slap my momma and call her butch!” Bob yelled as he jumped off the bench and grabbed Brizio.

The fiddle slammed into the fast roll of The Orange Blossom Special. Bob and Brizio spun around the open floor. A woman slid by and jerked Mike off the bench, twirled him around once and they were off, dancing to the sound of the runaway fiddle. Everyone was up and moving as one entity, intermingled and swirling joyfully around the room.

The music stopped and everyone fell onto the benches lining the open-air dining hall. Mike flopped down next to the woman he had been dancing with and they both laughed. Again, life was beautiful and the air was a sweet delicacy that Mike sucked deeply into his lungs. Life was good, he’d live forever, and he’d never have to go back to earth.

Overhead, bongos started to drive relentlessly. Then there was a primal scream, then another. A piano cord was struck. “Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a man of wealth and taste…”

“Shit,” Mike thought.

Thirteen:

Mike sat in the capsule car lost in his thoughts. The virtual landscape, which had been made no less breathtaking in its digital reproduction, slid by unnoticed to him. He was thinking about what lay ahead of him at the end of this tram ride.

His thoughts had been almost singularly about Tawny since he left the interview. She was the most captivating person he had ever met. Of course, she was the kind of beautiful that almost commanded observation in awe and wide-eyed admiration. But it was deeper than just a physical attraction. Tawny was also the perfect combination of intellectually smart, deep, and playful at the same time. She had a razor-sharp wit that was always front and center. And, well-traveled? She lived in a part of the universe that was totally unknown to human science. That was pretty well-traveled. That kind of beat the hell out of being all haughty about having been to the French Riviera when all your friends simply went to Disneyland once a year.

And she had spent quite a lot of time on Mike’s home planet. “Jesus,” Mike thought to himself. “Home planet. How long have I been here? Hardly long at all, and already I think of a home planet like it was an everyday happening. Like going out to dinner on a Friday night.”

Combine all of these things with the fact that he could have an actual conversation with her in his natural language and not wonder if the translator was getting everything right. For all he knew he was explaining why businessmen wear ties and the translator was actually saying that he loved to have sex with tree frogs. But still, people seemed to get what he was saying. They were horrified in the right places, laughed where they should, and responded like they knew what he was saying.

But watching Tawny’s lips. Well… that was something altogether different. He could watch those lips all day, and for that matter all night without losing interest. He was too old to think he was instantly in love. And he was young enough to realize that he was currently in lust. Love could happen he guessed. It wasn’t like he was disgusting after all. And it looked like she might be into him as well.

Pretty much all of those questions were about to be answered.

Mike had been sitting in his living room trying out different design patterns. First it was a gym, then a Bedouin tent, then a Balinese beach hut. Of course, he had been thinking about Tawny. Possibly thinking about her too hard.

“Hello?” the TV said.

Mike about fell off his wicker lounger. Tawny was on his TV looking at him.

“Ummmmm,” Mike stumbled for words.

“Oh,” Tawny said in recognition, “hello Mike. How are you?”

“I’m, ah, fine,” Mike said. “I was just thinking about you.”

“Apparently,” she said smiling “pretty hard too. You called me.”

“Oh man,” Mike said “I guess I butt dialed you with my head.”

A wide smile spread across Tawny’s face.

“Is that where your head was?” she asked.

“What?” Mike blushed, “no, I mean yes, I mean… hello.”

“What can I do for you Mike.”

“Only everything,” Mike thought.

“I just wanted to tell you,” he finally said, “how much I enjoyed meeting you. And how much I enjoyed the interview.”

“Really?” she said. “You didn’t seem like you were enjoying it at all. In fact, you looked positively devastated at times.”

“Yeah,” He said, “I guess that part is true, but only in regard to what I was talking about. Certainly not the company I was keeping. That was one of the most pleasant things that ever happened to me.”

He smiled a little and looked down. Kind of like a 6th grader talking to his first crush on the playground.

“How would you like to get together sometime?” Tawny asked.

“That would be great!” Mike answered, just a little too quickly. “When would be good for you? Are you off on the weekends?”

“We don’t have weekends here Mike. Or the concept of a weekend. Or off for that matter. We work while there’s work to do and take off when there isn’t, or where there’s a good place to stop till the next day.”

“Yeah,” Mike said, “I know better than that. Old habits and all that I guess.”

“When would be good for you?” He asked.

“Tomorrow would be great,” she said. “I’ll send you directions on what time and how to get to the park. I think you’ll like it.

“Until then,” she said smiling that deep, warm, inviting smile.

“Yes,” Mike said, “I can’t wait.”

Now he was on the tram that was speeding its way toward his destiny. He had never been this nervous in his entire life. And that was saying something. After all he had been abducted by aliens and questioned on their mother ship.

The tram whooshed to a stop in a pasture that was covered by what seemed to be genuine southern live oaks. Mike stepped out onto the spongy soft grass closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath of sweetness. A pathway led off through the live oaks and disappeared into the foliage. Butterflies the size of a quarter flitted around his head. The beating of their wings sounded like soft, melodic harp music, and they smelled like… honeysuckle. Yeah, the butterflies smelled like honeysuckle and sounded like soft harp music. It was all pretty heady stuff for the Earthman as he strode down a path that he hoped would bring him to the beautiful Tawny.

Mike could hear music playing in the background. Local music, that never made sense but sounded beautiful. The path wound around a few moss-covered rocks that were currently serving as homes for amazingly large and beautiful ferns. Jackalopes, or whatever they were, played around the periphery of the woods. Mike came around a gentle curve in the path and suddenly there she was. Sitting on a bench under a natural wood gazebo. Her eyes were closed as she swayed back and forth to the music that appeared to be coming from just the other side of the trees. She had a look of complete and unvarnished bliss on her face and Mike could have easily surrendered to the fact that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together right on that small bench, under the beautifully crafted gazebo, while jackalopes played underneath harp playing butterflies.

“Hey,” Mike said as he stepped lightly up to the bench.

“Hey yourself,” Tawny said as she slowly opened her eyes.

Watching those eyelids roll slowly up to reveal the all-encompassing beauty of her eyes was like watching a curtain rise on the most beautiful sunrise the planet had ever seen.

“Have a seat,” she said. “I thought this would be a good place for us to talk a little.”

“It really is amazing,” Mike said. “I’m still trying to get used to the local plant, animal, and insect life here.”

“Is anything on this planet carnivorous,” he asked, “or does everything have an aversion to killing?”

“Actually quite a few of the species here hunt, kill, and eat meat,” Tawny said.

“Why haven’t I seen anything like that since I’ve been here?” he asked her as he sat on the bench.

“They are all pretty territorial,” she said, “just like most animals on earth. We just build our homes and villages in places that don’t encroach on their habitats.”

“If we didn’t,” she continued looking off into the distance, “we’d put ourselves, and them, in jeopardy. Eventually we’d have to do something to eradicate the problem. That would lead to an imbalance of the habitat, and we would have to do something else synthetic to fix that issue. After a while we’d just be chasing our own tails trying to control nature.”

“I get the picture,” Mike said. “The only thing you didn’t add was ‘like you clowns do’.”

“We aren’t big on name-calling,” she said looking back into his eyes, “but if you leave the clowns part out, then yeah.”

“Who’s playing the music?” Mike asked. “Is there a concert of something going on near here?”

“No, I imagine it’s just some other people in the park enjoying the day.”

“I have to admit,” Mike said “I really like the music here. But the lyrics are a little, I don’t know, odd.”

“It’s because you’re listening through your translator with your ears,” she said. “Close your eyes.”

Mike closed his eyes and he felt Tawny gently slide one delicate finger down the side of his temple as she shut off his translator. Her touch was just as electric and exciting as he knew it would be. But, at the same time it was soft and gentle and soothing. That one stroke of her finger seemed to take all of his emotional burdens away. It seemed to him that everything was suddenly going to be just fine. It seemed like the entire universe had just come to a sudden and definite halt, so it could allow Mike the time he needed to drink in the soul cleansing touch he had just experienced.

“Oh wow…” Mike whispered softly.

“Shhhhh,” Tawny said. “Now listen with your essence. With your soul as you would say at home.”

“But…” Mike started to protest about her use of the word home.

“Shhhhhhhhhhh,” she insisted. “Feel it?”

Mike sat there with his eyes closed and the crutch of his translator silenced. The music was just as beautiful as the first time he had heard it. But now, in the language that it had been written, it took on a magical feel. The words shifted and blended together in his mind. They played in the deepest reaches of his being and massaged his spirit. They were soft, and beautiful. He felt like he could see the color of the words as they mixed together with the sweetness of the music. He felt as though he could actually taste the beautiful essence of song rolling across his tongue. He couldn’t have described what the feeling was if a gun was held to his head, but he wanted to hold it. He wanted to hold this very microsecond of his life right where it was. To feel this for the rest of his life, no matter if he died in the next ten seconds or lived for another hundred years, what he was feeling right now.

He wanted to hold onto this, and hold Tawny. He wanted it all, and he wanted it forever. He knew that he was acting just like a junkie that knew he was going to have to kick the drug, but had convinced himself that there was a way he could continue to have it forever. That pumping that sweet concoction into his veins really wasn’t going to hurt anybody, and everything was going to be just fine.

And just like that junkie, the specter of reality was skulking around in his mind, reminding him that everything he was thinking, and everything he thought he was going to do, was all bullshit. Eventually reality was going to smack him right in the face. But he was certain, just like a junkie is, that if he did everything just right, he would be able to hold on to everything he wanted. To hold onto everything he needed and lived for.

Mike opened his eyes and looked at Tawny. She was smiling back at him.

“Oh man,” Mike whispered breathlessly.

“Right?” Tawny said.

“That was amazing,” Mike said “no, it was more than that. It was…”

“Yeah,” she said. “I know. We all know.”

Mike only knew one thing. He was in love for the very first time in his life. There was absolutely no question in his mind. The woman that he was going to spend the rest of his life with was sitting right in front of him.

“They have nothing like that on earth,” Mike said. “Some people think they do… but they don’t.”

“I know,” Tawny said. “Out of everything I do know from there, that’s the one thing that I’ve never been able to understand. Everything is a conflict. Movies and books are all about conflict. No matter if it’s a book about a battle in history, or about a love between two people, or even if it’s a comedy. It’s all conflict.”

“Not disco,” Mike offered, smiling.

“You’re right about that one,” Tawny said “Boogie nights, dancing queen, funky town. That was all about dancing and having a great time.”

“You know,” she continued, “we all thought that when you went through that phase, things might actually start turning around.”

She shrugged, “I guess we were wrong about that one. But you certainly got some great music from that time.”

“Did you actually spend time on earth?” Mike asked.

“Sure,” she said “Some of us, like Bob, were just greeters on the ship when we brought aboard subjects. But some of us were specially trained to actually spend time on the surface so we could personally observe how people interacted with each other. Of course, we also gathered news and entertainment media so we could study it on the ship and at home.”

“You mean that right now there’s people from here walking around with the people of earth?” Mike asked amazed.

“Possibly, it’s the only real way we can understand what’s happening there. Of course, it’s pretty dangerous, and there have been incidents. But it’s what needs to be done with the responsibility we have.”

“Incidents like what?” Mike asked.

“Some people have been killed or injured pretty bad,” Tawny said looking away. “It’s hard to live around people that never really allow what they really think or feel come to the surface in front of others when you have no frame of reference for that.”

Instantly a deep anger rose inside of Mike. He felt it rise up out of the depths of his consciousness like a medieval dragon rising from a fiery pit of unpunished wrongs, spreading its huge leathery wings of hate, nostrils flaring in indignance, and eyes on fire gleaming full of a yearning for retribution. Flames of self-righteous indignation spewed forth from a mouth that glistened with gleaming white, spike like teethe. He hated the ignorant earthlings for murdering the gentle people of Aragon. Someone was going to have to pay for that. Every single inhabitant of that blue shithole was lucky that he would never be back, because the vengeance he would deal out in the name of slain Avalon brethren would be swift and terrible.

“That’s terrible,” Mike said. “I don’t understand why you ever go back. Hell, I can’t even understand why you don’t obliterate the entire place.”

“I think you can understand that last part,” she said.

“Yeah I do… but still…”

“The situation on Earth is entirely of our own making Mike,” Tawny said, “so it’s only right that we try to fix it. We have an obligation that can’t be ignored. You don’t kill a snake for acting like a snake.”

“I get that,” Mike said. “It just seems so futile.”

“Maybe it is. But that doesn’t alleviate our responsibility.”

“By the way,” Mike said, “what is the literal translation of the name of this place?”

“Oh,” she said, “It’s Hale.”

The way she pronounced it, it sounded like Ha-lay.

“Of course, it is,” Mike said.

He smiled, tilted his head back and rubbed his face. He felt if he rubbed hard enough he could wear off the humiliating filth of earth. He relaxed in the realization that he was finally home and had found perfection in the woman that was sitting beside him now.

“Wow,” said Tawny. “That was deep.”

“What’s that?” Mike said.

“That look you just had on your face,”

“I’m just tired and deeply satisfied all at the same time,” he said. “I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’d like to say it’s so refreshing. But really, it’s deeper than that.”

“There really is nothing keeping you from having this at home Mike,” She said softly.

“I know,” Mike said. “Just like I know that humanity will do everything it can to insure nothing like this ever happens on that planet. Then they write songs and books about how nice it would be if we could all just get along.”

“I’m sure you can at least start to fix that,” she said as she put her hand on Mikes leg.

“I get the impression,” Mike said changing the subject, “that relationships here are different than they are on Earth.”

“Yes, they are,” Tawny said, “quite a bit different. Historically people on Earth have had quite a broad idea of how relationships were supposed to work. The biggest problem that there’s been with relationships, is that people try to all agree on what’s an acceptable way for people to act who care about each other.”

“And you think there isn’t a single acceptable way?” Mike asked.

“Of course not,” Tawny laughed.

That laugh was what Mike imagined it sounded like when the gates of heaven opened to allow your soul to enter and spend the rest of eternity in bliss.

“There isn’t one acceptable way,” Tawny said “to use a fork, or eat peas, or tell a joke. Or to make love.”

She stopped and shot a glance at Mike that made him sure being slammed into by a runaway train would have felt like a pillow fight in comparison. He looked away embarrassed.

She smiled.

“There are as many acceptable ways of doing things as there are people. The only thing that stands in the way of something being acceptable is the chance that what you’re doing will hurt another person.”

“But in the case of relationships,” Mike said, “what happens if a person loves another one, but the one they love either doesn’t feel the same way, or falls out of love with them?”

“The issue that humans have with this concept on Earth,” Tawny said “is that if you’re in a relationship with someone, then you feel as though you own a part of them.”

“I don’t think that’s always a fair statement,” Mike said. “People fall in and out of love all the time and no one feels slighted because they think they’ve lost what was theirs.”

“Don’t they?”

“No, I don’t think they do.”

“The phrases are all pretty much the same,” She said. “My man, my woman, my family, my kids, my house, my car, and so on. Let’s say you love someone on Earth and that person loves you as well. Then you find out they were also in love with another person. How would you feel about that?”

“I’d be hurt,” Mike said.

“Of course you would,” Tawny said “But have you ever wondered why? Her love for you shouldn’t have been affected by the love she might feel for someone else. Can’t a woman love her husband and her children at the same time and not lose any of the love she feels for a single member of that family?”

“Sure,” Mike said, “but that’s not the same thing.”

“Why isn’t it?” Twany said. “Because sex was involved?”

“Well, yeah,” Mike said.

“So if you were involved in a sexual relationship with a woman on Earth, a committed relationship, and you found out that she was going out dancing with someone else, would that be ok?”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Mike said uncomfortably.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because it’s only a matter of time before something sexual happens.”

“And that’s the thing you use to draw the line then?” She asked, “Sex?”

“Yes,” Mike said. “I think that’s true. What is more intimate between two people than sharing each other’s bodies,” Mike could have been more uncomfortable, but he really wasn’t sure how.

“I can think of quite a number of things that would rank right up there in the intimacy department,” Tawny said. “For example, the death of a loved one, or the birth of a child. Sharing some adventure or music.”

“But if you really care about someone,” Mike said “wouldn’t you want to share things like that with them for the rest of your life?”

“Well, sometimes ‘the rest of our lives’ is a lot longer than we planned on. We change in ways we didn’t plan. Besides, sharing something with someone certainly isn’t diminished if that person shares something important with someone else. If fact, sometimes things are actually made more important, or special, or beautiful, when they are shared with more than one person. Including sex.”

“That’s a long way for my Earth mind to travel,” Mike said. “But I guess I can see the merit to the things you’re saying. I just have to wrap my head around it a little tighter.”

“How much time did you spend on Earth?” Mike asked in a wild psychological swing aimed at changing the subject.

“Quite a lot actually,” Tawny said. “At one point I stayed there when my ship left, and I waited till the next one came.”

“How long was that?” Mike asked surprised.

“Almost 5 years,” Tawny said. “The prospect scared me a little at first, and the crew was absolutely against it. But I kept after them and eventually they acquiesced. It was kind of the same way you talked them into your being here right now.”

She tilted her head and smiled at Mike. “I guess we have something in common.”

“Yeah,” Mike said smiling back in pure adoration, “I guess we do.”

“Were you in the United States when you were there?” He asked. “It must have been since you speak English so well.”

“No,” Tawny said “But that’s an interesting question since I speak with an Australian accent. I actually speak 7 languages fluently and have a rudimentary understanding of 5 others. It’s kind of a hobby of mine.”

“Wow,” Mike said, “that’s some hobby.”

“It made my job on Earth quite a bit easier,” She said. “I spent that 5 years in Southeast Asia. Mostly Cambodia. Have you ever been there?”

“No I haven’t,” Mike said “The Vietnam war ended just before I was born, and there seems to still be a stigma about traveling around that part of the world for most Americans. Why did you pick there?”

“We had picked up a few people from that area, and some of the things we learned made us pretty sure that the Cambodian people had a philosophy of life, that could be a great starting point for what it would take to change the self-destructive course Earth seems to be on.”

“Where were you in the country?” Mike asked “And what did you do to get by?”

“I started in Phnom Penh,” She said. “At first, I worked in one restaurant or another, mostly washing dishes. It was pretty touch-and-go for a little while. Life in a country like that can be a little dicey for a woman on her own. But we made sure I had more than enough Riel, the Cambodian currency, to fend for myself. And after all, quality of life and security is pretty much based on what you can afford.”

“Where’d you get the money from in the first place?”

“We produced it on the ship.”

“You counterfeited local currency?”

“It wasn’t really counterfeiting in the truest sense of the word,” Tawny said. “I guess a better word would have been ‘reproduced’, or ‘replicated’. It’s pretty complicated and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be interested in the process.”

“Not right this minute,” Mike said. He was totally captivated by her story.

“Any way,” I had all the documentation to travel around the country as much as I wanted and the jobs were simply a way to assimilate myself into the culture. The fact that I’m nearly the same color as the natives there help immensely. That seems to be universally important to humans.”

“Yeah,” Mike said, “it seems to be.”

“Do you know anything about Saloth Sar?” Tawny asked.

“No. Is that a person?”

“After a fashion,” Tawny said. Her face grew a little dark. “You probably know him by the other name he took. Pol Pot.”

“Him I’ve heard of,” Mike said. “A real nut from what I remember.”

“See Mike, that’s one of the things that amazes me about Earth in general, and the United States specifically. Pol Pot was responsible for the horrific murder of almost 3 million of the people in his country. This happened just 2 years before you were born, and almost no one in your country knows what happened or what your government’s involvement in the tragedy was.”

“Honestly,” Mike said, “I had no idea the US was implicated at all.”

“The United States backed a coup in 1970 and installed a sympathetic ruler. The Communist government wanted their own ruler in power, and a horrible civil war broke out in 1970. See, two governments wanted control over an area so they could use it to their best interests, as they fought to control another country. Just like we talked about in the interview.”

“It seemed to me you didn’t understand how that worked when we talked,” Mike said.

“I understand it all too well,” Tawny said. “Better than most of the people on your planet. But the people here don’t. I’m pretty good at my job.”

“I guess you are,” Mike said. He was falling more deeply in love with this woman the more they talked. Her depth was nothing less than incredible to him. And her strength was intoxicating.

“The civil war in Cambodia lasted 5 long years and exacted a terrible toll on the citizens of Cambodia. In the end Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge won, and took over control of the government. Pol Pot wasn’t just a communist; he was also a staunch nationalist. He wanted to bring the nation of Kampuchea, the old name for Cambodia, back to the greatness it once had been in the past.”

“Make Kampuchea great again,” Mike said quietly.

“Exactly, and literally,” Tawny said.

“In Pol Pot’s view Kampuchea was a world leader when the economy was strictly agrarian. Also, he felt as though immigrants and foreigners were diluting the blood line of Kampucheans, and undermining his countries return to greatness. Non-Cambodians were rounded up and imprisoned, killed, or deported. He also launched an all-out campaign to convince the Cambodian people that they were under constant threat of having their boarders overrun by the Vietnamese. Massive time and resource was spent to fortify the border between Cambodia and Vietnam.”

“Sounds familiar,” Mike said flatly.

“On Day One of Pol Pot’s regime, he sent troops into all of the major cities and told them to completely evacuate the people. He told the people in the cities that they were under direct threat of being bombed by the United States, and that it could happen at any time that very day. Since the US had already bombed Cambodia during recent years in conjunction with the war they were waging in Vietnam, the threat was real to the residence of the cities.”

“Phnom Penh was totally empty in just a few days,” she said.

“Where did they all go?” Mike asked.

“Just out into the country side,” She said. “They were prodded along the road by Khmer Rouge troops as they carried the few possessions they were able to throw together when they were evacuated. Most were taken to work camps so they could work in the fields producing rice. But the most heinous part was the interrogation camps and the killing fields.”

“I’ve heard of the killing fields,” Mike said.

“The government felt that anyone that had an education was a threat to returning Kampuchea to what it once was. People that were doctors, lawyers, or any other kind of professional were arrested and executed. People that were thought to be collaborators with foreign governments or part of groups that were a threat to the Khmer regime were arrested and tortured, until the admitted they were subversives. If they survived the torture they were then executed. There were cases like a ten-year-old girl that eventually admitted to working for both the CIA and KGB.”

“Ten years old,” she said to Mike for emphasis. He just looked back at her speechless.

“Most of the prisons that were used to hold these thousands of prisoners were converted schools. They still stand today as a monument to insanity.”

“The people that were deemed a threat to the government were transported out of the city to a place where they would be housed for a few days while they waited to be executed.”

“The killing fields,” Mike said.

“Yes,” Tawny said. “That place is still there today and every single person on the planet should visit it, and realize how easy it is to let that happen all over again.”

“Once the prisoners arrived at the execution spot the were only held long enough for them to be killed. The executioners were told to save ammunition so the victims were usually stabbed or had their throats slit, then the bodies were shoved into huge open pits. Eventually they had to have more executioners, but there were only so many knives and bayonets to go around since most of the weapons were at the border keeping people safe from the nonexistent invading hoard of Vietnamese. So, they had to improvise. Thousands of people were killed by having their throats cut with the sharp edge of a palm frond stalk.”

“The babies that were allowed to stay with their mothers,” She stopped to collect herself. Tears were welling up in her eyes. “The babies were slammed against a tree, and their tiny lifeless bodies were flung into a separate pit.”

“I,” Mike said. Tears in his eyes as well. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Today you can still visit that place,” Tawny went on as she dried her eyes. “There’s a tower that must be 100 feet high containing skulls of victims that have been unearthed from the killing pits. Everywhere along the path that winds through excavation sites are signs that remind visitors to be careful and not step on human remains. Bones, teeth, bits of clothing, and personal effects are being exposed by the elements everywhere.

“The amazing thing is that Khmer people, people that were part of this slaughter, still live among the population.”

“How can they let them live?” Mike asked amazed.

“That’s how the Cambodian people are,” she said. “Gentle, beautiful people that love life and believe in live, and let live. Some of them were just corrupted by a compelling force. And people just stood by watching it happen.”

“How does that happen?” Mike asked.

“It has always happened,” Tawny said. “People may say ‘never again’, but what they really mean is ‘never again to me, or my people’. The German Lutheran pastor Martin Niemoller summed up the issue beautifully. He said, ‘First, they came for the Communists, and I did not speak out, because I was not a Communist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out, because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out, because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me… and there was no one left to speak for me.’”

“It’s a constant part of history on earth. Look at the Spanish inquisition. But people think, ‘that was another time and another country. That could never happen here… or to me.’ It will happen again, and again. And people will always look back saying ‘never again,’ instead of realizing they are slowly allowing the same thing to happen all over again. They just justify inaction by pointing out irrelevant differences, or personally irrelevant talking points.”

“It will always happen again, Mike. And I guess that is the one singular point which we’ve been trying to accomplish for thousands of years. Luckily we have tenacity and a general air of optimism.”

“Lucky for that…” Mike said.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in reflection of the conversation.

“Did you stay in the capitol, then?” Mike said finally.

“No,” Tawny said. “I worked there for a little while, then I got hired onto a tour boat that was going up the Sab River when the water was up. It really was quite amazing. Running up that river. Fishing boats, junks and barges working endlessly up and down that muddy waterway.”

“Eventually I got onto a small fishing boat with a beautiful Cambodian family that kind of just adopted me, and we went all the way across Tonle Sap Lake and ended up in the most enthralling city on the face of the planet, Siem Reap.”

Tawny looked wistfully of in the distance remembering the beauty of the Angkor region of Cambodia.

“It really is the closest thing to Hale I’ve ever seen on earth.” She said.

“I lived just outside the ancient temple complex at Angkor Wat. I was there when they came back for me.”

“Honestly, Mike,” she said. “It was touch and go there for a minute as to whether I was going to come back or not. I knew that I couldn’t exist in human society for ever. There had been too many close calls. In the end I simply turned my back on all of that, and came home. I’ve never been back, although I went on several more missions. I just stayed on the ship and greeted subjects.”

“Do you miss it now?” Mike asked.

“I do,” she said. “But my life is here. It’s always better to remember the good parts of your life and move on. How else can you continue to grow?”

“Mike,” Tawny said, “this has really been a pleasure. But I’m afraid that I’m going to have to get back now.”

“Oh,” Mike said surprised. He had lost all sense of time and had no idea how long they had been sitting there. “Of course. I’m sorry I’ve kept you so long.”

“Oh please,” She said taking his hand into hers, “don’t apologize. This has been lovely, really. I enjoy talking to you, you’re an excellent listener.”

“Can we do it again sometime?” Mike asked as he squeezed her hand a little. “I’d really like to see you again.”

“Of course,” Twany said happily. “I’d really like that. I have something to show you that I think you might really like. Can I pick you up at your place tomorrow?”

“That would be great!” Mike said.

Fourteen:

Mike and Tawny sat across from each other on the tram. Mike hadn’t slept much the night before. He had been way too keyed up anticipating the time when he would get to see Tawny again.

“Where are we off to?” Mike asked.

“Oh,” Tawny said smiling, “I think that will be better off left as a secret. If I told you, you’d be disappointed because you’d relate it to the same thing on earth. And this is definitely not the same thing.”

“Okay,” Mike said. “I leave my immediate future in your capable hands.”

“I promise you won’t regret it,” She said.

“I really don’t mean to be forward here,” Mike said “but how is someone like you not spoken for.”

Tawny did a horrible job of suppressing a laugh, and Mike was instantly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry Mike,” She said. “I don’t mean to laugh at your expense. It’s just the colloquialisms. ‘Spoken for.’ What makes you think I’m not ‘spoken for’?”

“I’m sorry,” Mike said, “I didn’t mean to assume. You don’t have on a ring, and you never speak of any other kind of personal relationship.”

“Mike, you have to understand by now that a ring is an earthly custom. And it should make complete sense, especially after our last conversation, that there is absolutely nothing here that relates to that.”

“I get that,” Mike said “and I don’t mean to pry, but you did say that some people here stay together for life, and that some people live together for a time. I’m just surprised that no one has been able to offer you what it takes to stay with them. I mean, you’re about everything a man could ever want in a partner.”

“Why Mike,” Tawny said in mock shyness “I do believe you’re making me blush.”

Mike just smiled at her.

“Of course, I’ve had relationships with others,” she said, “just like everyone else here has. And before you bend something in your mind, trying to figure out how to ask the question politely, of course I’ve had relationships with both men and women.”

Mike was swimming deep in a pool of mixed feelings and emotions now without the aid of a floatation device. He was exhilarated, shocked, disappointed, and encouraged all at once. Tawny sensed Mike’s dilemma.

“Mike, there is nothing here that equates to Earth relationships. I tried to explain that to you before. There is no such thing here as homo- or heterosexuality. There is no title of straight, gay, lesbian, transgender, queer, transsexual… nothing. I would guess it wouldn’t be far off the mark to assume that nearly everyone here has had physical relationships with both the same and opposite sex.

“Sometimes those sexual encounters are just for that one time, and sometimes they’re lasting. The chances of people being hurt are slim because of everyone’s dedication to honesty. If you go into a situation confident that all cards are on the table then you really have to work pretty hard to be hurt by something you didn’t see coming.”

“I see that,” Mike said, “and it makes sense. But I don’t have anything relatable in my mind. I’m trying hard to change that.”

“I can see that you are,” she said.

“What about children?” Mike asked. “Obviously there have to be children here. Although honestly, I don’t remember seeing any. Have you found a way around children? Do you just start out at 21 and move on from there?”

“Actually, we start out at 18,” Tawny said, “the learning curve from there is pretty impressive.”

Mike just stared at her wide-eyed.

“I’m kidding,” she said, as she patted Mike on the knee.

Mike exhaled a breath he had been holding in anticipation. That concept would have been way too far out there, had it been real.

“We realize that this planet can only sustain so many people. Especially when we don’t kill each other in wars, or as a penalty. And we have excellent healthcare, and cutting edge medical technology that would amaze you.”

“I’m sure it would,” Mike said.

“So having children is kind of a community thing,” she said. “You don’t really have to be an actual parent to raise children. Just look at all of the stepparents in your own country. Most of them love their stepchildren just as much as they love the ones that actually carry around their DNA chain. Of course some don’t, but then I’m sure that you’ll agree that some biological parents have no business being allowed around children at all.”

“I certainly know that’s true,” Mike said. “So what about children here?”

“If two people decide that they want to have children they check the allotment schedule for their area.”

“Allotment schedule?” Mike was surprised

“Yes,” Tawny said. “There’s a schedule posted for every area we have here. There are spaces that open up due to a death or change in conditions in that area. Maybe some people relocate to another area or whatever. The people that want to have a child put their name on the list. It’s kind of first come first served.”

“Just like that?” Mike asked. “No license, or blood test or genetic testing or whatever?”

“No,” Tawny said. “If two people have already had a child they know that it would be wrong, and selfish to put their name up on the list again so that is never a concern. And as far as blood or genetic testing, there really is no point.”

“Why do you say that?” Mike asked.

“Because we’ve perfected gene and embryo manipulation. We can ensure that every pregnancy will go to full term, and end in the birth of a healthy baby.”

“Isn’t that like playing God?” Mike wanted to shove the words right straight back into his pie-hole, even as they were escaping.

“Really?” Tawny said.

“Yeah, that was kind of a stupid comment,” Mike said.

“So, what about you?” Mike said. “Never felt the need to be a mother?”

“Oh,” Tawny said, “but I am.”

“You have a child?” Mike asked. He wanted to throw up, then he wanted to shoot himself in the face, then he wanted to shoot himself in the face while he was throwing up. The girl of his dreams had been spoken for. No wait, that didn’t exist here, did it. He still had a chance. Maybe she had a child that was at home with the baby-sitter all the time and she wasn’t still with… whatever it might have been she was with. Some sort of husband, or partner, or something. Jesus, he was so instantly confused.

“Yes,” she said smiling at Mike warmly. “I have a son. His name is Axel and he’s three years old now.”

“A three-year-old boy?” Mike said. “Where is he? Does he live with you? Who’s the father? Is he still involved?”

“Where is he actually answers the question you had earlier, about where are all of the children,” She said. “Children stay with their mother here until they’re 2. Naturally the father is involved, but then everyone is involved in raising our children. It takes a village, you know.”

Tawny stopped and waited for Mike to catch up.

“Wait,” Mike said when the realization hit him. “You mean… she was here?”

“Not here Mike. You know you’re the first one here. But she was on a ship. Fascinating woman really.”

“What about him,” Mike asked.

Tawny laughed that beautiful lilting laugh. “No, of course not. Can’t you tell?”

“Where do these kids go when they’re three?” Mike asked.

“They go live in the children’s complex. It really is a beautiful place Mike. I’ll have to take you there. I really think it would be mind opening.”

“I’d like to see that,” Mike said showing genuine interest.

“If you think about it it’s not much different than the way you do things in your country on earth.”

“How’s that?”

“Your children spend all day at school starting around the age of 5. Then they come home and stay with their parents. At night they’re sleeping in their own rooms. So the only real contact the parents have with them after they start school is for about five hours in the afternoon.”

“Think about how much time you spend on Earth, thinking about how horrible parents are. Or if you see a child that is acting up, what you would do if you were responsible for them.”

Mike thought about how many times he had been in a restaurant or at the movies, and wanted to beat parents to death with their petulant child.

“Quite a lot,” He said.

“Exactly,” She said “I spend time with Axel every day. So does his father. But these kids are constantly learning. Constantly being creatively reinforced. They learn the concept of community from the time they enter the children’s complex, and every single member of that community spends time nurturing all of those children. Think of how well-rounded people would be if they had the availability of every single person’s knowledge, and experiences, from which they could constantly learn and grow. It makes for a very stable person.”

“Who’s the father?” Mike asked, and Tawny was a little concerned with his tone.

“Well… Bob is,” She said. “Is that important?”

Mike wanted to physically reach up and pull the lightning bolt out of his forehead. Bob, the guy who had become his best friend on Hale. Hell, Bob was his best friend on either planet. Bob had been dorking Mike’s girl, and he never had the slightest intention of mentioning it to him. Were they still doing it? Did Bob just stroll over to Tawny’s place in the middle of the night for a booty call?

He had the horrible image in his head of Tawny and Bob naked, rolling around on a giant feather mattress covered with white mosquito netting. Tawny moaning in the throes of ecstasy, as Bob made sure that she reached a climax. Over and over again.

Then he caught himself. She had given him the answer to everything that was important. Of course they weren’t still together. There was no such thing as together here. Well, except for in certain cases. But Mike was sure that this wasn’t one of those cases. So what if they had a son together? That didn’t mean anything. She and Mike could raise Axel together. He was willing to be man enough to let Bob be a part of that. After all, if he hadn’t learned anything else during his stay here he had certainly learned to be magnanimous. And that was exactly what he was going to need to be here, so that he could have the life that he desperately craved.

Mike was plodding through the desert of irrational justification on the worn-out camel of denial. His camel was dangerously close to death, and soon the angry horde of Bedouin reality was going to overtake him, and beat the shit out of him with a club, as he hung from the lone palm tree of a broken heart in a secluded oasis.

“Are you ok?” Tawny asked. “Maybe this is all too much for you.”

“No, really,” Mike said, snapping back into his Hale persona so fast he should have been in a cervical collar for a week. “I’m fine. I just never would have guessed Bob. I should have I suppose. He’s a great guy. Funny too. And plays a mean keyboard.”

“He is all of that,” Tawny said felling a little more relaxed.

The tram came to a stop in the now typically beautiful pasture and the door whooshed open.

“Here we are,” Tawny said brightly. “You are going to love this.”

“I could be standing neck deep in a shit pile and be deliriously happy as long as I was there with you,” he thought.

“I’m sure I will,” He said as they stepped off the tram.

Fifteen:

Mike and Tawny walked to the back of the tram pasture and through a white arched trellis that was covered in what seemed to be wisteria in full bloom. As they walked down the winding pathway, other people passed going in the other direction. No one really said anything; only nods and smiles were exchanged.

“This seems to be a pretty popular place,” Mike said.

“It is,” Tawny answered. “Only the children’s center has more people visiting it. It’s really kind of ironic when you think about it.”

“I guess it would be if I had any idea where we were.”

Tawny motioned to a bench near the path, and they both took a seat.

“You’ve asked me about every aspect of life here on Hale,” she said, “and I know we’ve only touched the surface of your understanding about how we live here. We talked about child birth and raising children, about music, relationships, and work. But you never asked me about death.”

“Wow,” Mike said, a little surprised. “I guess I never really thought about it.”

“Most people don’t,” she said. “But if you do think about it, death and the way you handle death on Earth encompasses almost everything about life.”

“If someone dies on Earth people take comfort in knowing the person that is no longer with them is in heaven, or heaven’s equivalent, looking down on them and still being a major part of their lives. Most people will be adamant about the fact that they don’t believe in ghosts, and yet those same people believe that the spirit of dead loved ones are all living someplace beautiful, and blessed with powers that can help or hinder life on earth.”

“It’s a coping mechanism,” Mike said. “I would guess that most of those people really don’t think their ancestors are sitting on a cloud someplace, watching their every move.”

“I think you’re talking about the difference between what humans will admit to the public,” she said, “and what they think in their hearts. People say they don’t believe the cloud thing, but in their real subconscious… in the place where the real them lives, most people are completely superstitious, and believe they’re being watched by people that have ‘passed on’.

“And that’s the other part of this equation,” Tawny said. “The euphemisms that people use to describe death should tell you everything you need to know how people really view it. Passed away, gone home, called home, is with the lord, gave up the ghost, called to a better place. None of those things speak to the finality of death. None of them allow the grieving to grasp the fact that the person they loved is gone and is never coming back.

“On the other hand, how do people describe someone they hate dying? Dead, gone, wasted, kicked the bucket. Those people are comfortably cast on the trash heap of unwanted bodies,”

“And what’s the difference here?” Mike asked. “Do you know what happens after you die?”

“The better question is, ‘what happens after the body dies,” Tawny said as she took both of Mike’s hands in hers. When she was doing that she could have told him that a snake could play the piano with its penis and he would have believed it.

“You have to understand, every single thing that takes place after a person dies on Earth is for the wellbeing of the people that are left alive. The wake, the funeral, memorials, even the entire burial process including the grave marker, is for the benefit of the people that are left alive. When it comes right down to it, the only thing that is going in the ground is an organic vessel that was used to transport around the essence of your loved one.”

“That is actually a pretty easy concept for me to grasp,” Mike said. “I know the person that dies no longer cares what happens. I guess I also believe deep inside that the entire idea of a soul going to heaven is to make us feel better.”

“That last part,” Tawny said, “is not entirely true.”

“How do you mean that?”

“I mean, it’s not entirely true that there isn’t a soul and it doesn’t go to heaven. There is something like that… after a fashion.”

Mike was amazed. It seemed as though this entire society was based in black and white, right and wrong. Anything that would be faith-based would be cast off as unprovable. Was he about to find out that there was such a thing as a ghost? Were homes really haunted?

“Have you ever thought that the real essence of what makes you who you are, is something that is more electrical than physical?” Tawny asked him.

“Yes, I have,” he said. “But there isn’t any way you could prove that unless you die.”

“There actually is though. If you and I are sitting here talking, you understand my speech patterns, my mannerisms, everything that makes me who I am. If I were to fall asleep here for some reason I wouldn’t change at all. There would still be movement, reactions to touch, or sound. But if I died there would be nothing; just the organic vessel that carried around what I was. The question on everyone’s mind should be, ‘where did she go?’.”

“I get the feeling you have the answer.”

“Well yes we do. But it’s a little shocking.”

“I think I’m getting used to that by now.”

“Maybe,” Tawny said. She was looking deep into his eyes now as though she were searching for something. “You know that when two people have been together long enough, they start to act like one another. For that matter if the relationship has lasted for decades, and the couple is really in sync, they even start to dress alike. I’m not talking about a relationship psychosis where one of them makes sure they’re wearing the same colors, or identical outfits, just to be cute. I mean that they both get ready for a night out and without talking to each other about it they end up wearing the identical colors. Or when two people start finishing each other’s sentences, or answer a question before it’s even asked? That thing is real, Mike, and it’s measurable.”

“You have a spirit measuring device?” Mike asked hesitantly.

“Not in the way I’m sure you’re thinking.

“Take that connection between two people,” Tawny went on, “and extend it to everything else that you’ve ever been connected to, in any way. If you go into a forest you have a specific feeling. It might be awe of the majesty, or a feeling of security. Let’s say you have a co-worker that’s having an issue. That issue casts a feeling of uneasiness over the entire group.”

“Herds of animals like horses, sense things in a group. Of course, there are audible or visual alarms, usually. But if one of them is insecure then they all are. Humans have intellectualized all of that common sense out of their everyday lives. The part that amazes us here, is that while you dismiss the connection, you still believe in the spirit. You just see it in the singular form.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Mike said.

“I can tell you, Mike, that every single thing is connected by that subliminal thing that animates the organic vessel that we are.”

“When you say everything,” Mike asked slowly, “how far does that go?”

“As far as you can imagine,” Tawny said, “and even farther than that.”

“Every single organic living thing is connected by whatever energy that we have inside us. We always suspected it here, and we’ve had teams of specialists working on it for quite a long time. We’ve developed equipment that can detect, measure and photograph that very energy.”

Mike was just staring at her with his mouth hanging open. She reached up and gently pushed his bottom jaw shut.

“I’m sure that you’ve seen aura photography on Earth,” she said. “Haven’t you?”

“Sure,” Mike said “but I never really put anything into it.”

“Most people don’t,” Tawny said as she stood up to face Mike on the bench. “People that do this kind of photography on Earth have recorded some pretty amazing things. People have been photographed both before, and after surgery. The before photo shows an aura surrounding that person. The after photo shows an entire light show, going on around where that surgery had been performed. That is the essence of what is you, repairing the vessel that is carrying it.

“We have been able to photograph that very essence as it leaves the body. It’s not the way you see in the movies. Then, a replica of that person floats out of the bodies and hovers above it’s dead self and either cries or makes some humorous quip. Instead. it’s like an amazing light show of vapor rises out of the body and just evaporates into the rest of the organic auras that are near it, and being emitted by things that are still alive.”

“Wait,” Mike said “when you say ‘things’ that are still alive’ are you saying that this essence, or aura, or spirt, or whatever mixes with anything organic?”

“That is exactly what I’m saying,” she said.

“The hard part of capturing this essence on video, was the rest of the essence that is always surrounding us. It’s always there, and separating what was leaving an organic life form from the rest of the energy was nearly impossible. We had to have terminal people volunteer to be placed in a room that was mostly devoid of anything else that was organic. Once they died and the essence left the vessel we could actually see it start to diffuse into the room. Then we put several people into a room next to the person that was dying and as the terminal person died, the aura in the room with the living got slightly brighter when that essence combined.”

“We still don’t understand if there is only so much energy here, or if new energy is created. But we do know that when anything becomes pregnant, that energy pinpoint starts to show up on our instruments. We also have records of energy leaving plant life when it’s cut down or killed.”

“So,” Mike said in complete amazement, “if all things are connected, and all things contain this energy, then you should all be like a bunch of Buddhists here. Kill nothing and harm nothing.”

“If we were,” She said, “then we would not have used our science to understand what we were looking at. We would have taken our knowledge to only a certain level and then used a knee jerk reaction to govern how we used it.”

“Kind of like we do,” Mike said.

“I’m not trying to be hurtful here, but yes. We don’t kill animals because they have the ability to feel pain, and plants don’t. We know this from the experiments we’ve conducted along the same lines as what I’m talking about here. The aura around an animal goes crazy when there’s pain involved. When a plant is killed the essence simply dissipates out into the collective.”

“So I guess I have two questions,” Mike said. “What do you do with the vessels, and what is this place?”

“As for the first,” she said “…and open your mind WAY up here… we take them to a processing center and reconstitute them as fertilizer.”

Mike was instantly horrified and conflicted. He was trying to keep up and be open-minded. But, the thought of tossing grandma on a compost pile was, at best, ghoulish.

“That’s prying my mind open about as far as it can go,” he said.

“It’s only the vessel, Mike, and there is absolutely no sense in wasting it in false reverence. As for the what is this place part. Well, I think you’re going to really enjoy it.”

Sixteen:

Mike followed Tawny farther down the path until they came to a case on a post, that was near the right side of the pathway. Tawny stopped and opened it. Inside were rows of what looked to be Ray-Ban aviator sunglasses. But again, Mike was pretty sure they weren’t.

“Here,” Tawny said handing a pair to Mike. “Hold on to these, but don’t put them on until I tell you to.”

Her excitement was almost palpable.

“OK,” Mike said. Whatever was just around the corner of this garden path had to be something pretty special. The woman that lived on the most beautifully amazing planet in the galaxy seemed to be about to wet her pants in anticipation of showing off this apparently rare treasure.

They walked through another trellis that was also covered with wisteria, but this one had the addition of amazingly thick and beautiful rose bushes on each side. The blooms were the size of softballs, and the aroma was nearly overpowering.

They continued through the trellis, and a little farther down the path. Eventually the flora of Hale spread out to reveal an amazingly beautiful open space that easily several hundred Earth acres large. Giant live oaks lined the entire perimeter of the opening. The area was filled with thousands of flat black pedestals lined up about 6 feet apart. It reminded Mike of the grave stones he had seen in Arlington Cemetery.

Narrow gravel pathways were woven between the pedestals like some giant pieces of fabric. Wild flowers grew everywhere in flaming flamboyant colors that swam together, blending in places, and separated into distinct patterns in others. Harp-playing butterflies flitted everywhere. Dragonflies, or the idea of dragonflies, zipped in and out of flowers droning around in self-important patterns that seemed to be complete, controlled chaos. Of course, the beagle sized hummingbirds were in tremendous supply here, but there were also millions of fireflies floating in and out of the grass and flowers.

Amazingly, all of these insects and animal life never became obtrusive to the people visiting the area. Not like flies, mosquitoes, or gnats on earth. Instead they kept to themselves and seemed to part to allow people to pass.

The air was filled with the sound of something that sounded like crickets, but, as usual, wasn’t really. They trilled softly in a way that seemed as though they were actually composing some sort of natural music that accompanied and accentuated the harp-playing butterflies. The sound was low, ancillary, and smooth as the feel of silk on a baby’s face.

“OK,” Tawny said, “put the glasses on now.”

Mike didn’t really want to. The sunlight wasn’t too bright, and he didn’t want to see this most beautiful of places through any sort of filter at all.

“Go on,” Tawny said as she pushed his arm a little. “Put them on. I’ll make sure you keep standing up right.”

She already had hers on, and the statement Tawny had made about holding him up seemed like a genuine promise. After all the times he was physically overcome by his surroundings on this planet, Mike was certain the possibility of him passing out or at least losing his balance was very real.

Mike slowly slid on the Ray-Bans, and his knees buckled just a little. He felt Tawny’s arm around his waist supporting him. As soon as the glasses were on it looked as though Mike was standing in the middle of a super nova. Wisps of gas in every single pastel color imaginable floated and swirled around them. As people, animals, and birds moved through the Technicolor vapor, it would swirl around them like fog. The fireflies were radiant now. Their lights sparked and flared like tiny brightly colorful fireworks popping off everywhere around them.

Mike reached out with his hand and swished it back and forth in front of him. The fog danced and swirled offering Mike his own little surreal light show. He looked at Tawny and could see an aura of soft pink and lavender light dancing around her. She was smiling, and the light shown brightest around her head.

“What…” Mike stumbled with his words. “What am I… What am I looking at here?”

“This is it Mike,” She said.

“What?” Mike asked, as he tried to touch the vapor.

“This is the essence of everything,” She said. “This is the fabric that connects all living things. Everything that’s organic is connected by what you’re looking at now.”

Tawny spread her arms out over her head and turned around in a circle. “This is life Mike. This is it.”

“When a person dies,” Tawny grabbed both of his hands. “This is what leaves the vessel that has been carrying it through life. All of this is what makes up you, and me, and these trees, and the flowers, and animals. When you die, whatever you are leaves your body, and mixes with all of this.”

“How can I see it?” Mike asked, clearly stunned and forgetting about his glasses.

“The glasses,” Tawny said. “They are designed to see the essence of life that is constantly around you.”

“Is this only here?” Mike asked in amazement. “I mean, is this floating around everyplace?”

“Of course, it is,” Tawny said. “This is life, like I said. And life is everyplace. When you, or anything else for that matter dies, it leaves the container and blends with all the rest of this. The only thing we don’t know is how this essence finds its way into the vessel in the first place.”

Mike was walking slowly around in circles like he was in the middle of a dream. And in essence that’s exactly where he was. He was trying with every fiber of his being to accept the reality that he was swimming around in a sea of life. The depth of everything he had learned in the quick snap of a finger was unquestionably beyond the scope of his grasp. In the deepest subconscious caverns of his mind, he understood that he wasn’t just walking in this wildly colorful state of being only in this place. He was in it all the time, in every waking, and every unconscious moment since he had been on Hale.

“Is this the way it is on earth?” Mike asked.

“Of course it is,” Tawny said. “Life is constant and flowing. It never stops, slows, or changes. People, no matter what age don’t live or die. They simply exist in this state for time eternal. That existence moves through a plane of time as it occupies an organic vessel, then it moves back into the collective. We’ve never seen the overall cloud grow or diminish, so the assumption is that life in this form is finite. So, your essence, or more accurately, the part of the group essence that animates your organic vehicle, has always existed. After it leaves you it may be part of a tree, or a bird, or another human. It always has existed, and it always will be here.”

“What are all of these black posts then?” Mike asked. “Do they transmit whatever signal these glasses use?”

“No,” Tawny said, “we certainly aren’t simply clinical to a fault here. When someone dies, or to be more factual,” she hesitated and gestured across the field “considering where we’re standing, when someone’s vessel dies, we don’t just throw them on compost pile and move on. We wanted to have a memorial celebrating the time that a person was able to spend among us. These posts are their memorials.”

Mike walked over to one of the posts and examined it.

“I don’t see a name or date or anything here,” He said. “Is this one that hasn’t been engraved yet?”

“Pass your hand over the top of it,” Tawny said.

Mike passed his hand over the flat top on the pedestal he was standing next to. Instantly a man about six inches tall was standing on the surface. The person looked whole. He appeared to have actual substance; not like a hologram on Earth that was translucent, but totally opaque instead.

“Hey there friend,” the tiny man said. “How are you this fine day?”

“Is he real?” Mike said. Tawny could have told him anything at this point and he would have gone along with it.

“Not the way you’re asking,” Tawny said. “From the time that people on this planet are born they start making a celebration log. When they pass into the vastness of what you see around you, their log is placed in one of these markers. You can visit anyone you like at any of these markers.”

“How do you keep track of who’s at what marker?” He asked her.

“There’s a computer record of everyone here, and that can be accessed through your chip. But if you already know where the marker is, and you want to remember its position, just tap your temple.”

Mike was just staring at her.

“Give it a try,” Tawny said. “Just look at the marker and tap your chip.”

Mike looked at the small man that was now sitting on a chair on top of the marker. He reached up and tapped his temple. Instantly a red beam of light shot up out of the ground around the base of the marker and rose into the sky until it was out of sight.

Mike looked back at Tawny.

“Is this always here then?” He asked.

“Until you remove it,”

“How do I do that?” he asked.

“Just slide your finger backward across the chip.”

He did, and the beam of red light sunk back down into the ground and out of sight.

“Can I see the beam without the glasses?” He asked.

“No,” she said, “but the only thing you would mark is here. And who would want to be here without the glasses on?”

“Why isn’t he saying anything?” Mike asked indicating the small man sitting in the pedestal. “Is it broken, or do I have to put a coin in it?”

Tawny laughed.

“It’s designed to respond to you,” She said. “There are a series of questions and comments you can make that the program will respond to. Try talking to him and see where it goes.”

Mike turned and looked at the man on the pedestal. He knew he was going to feel silly talking to a projection. But then he thought about how much time he had spent on Earth yelling at the news on television.

“Good morning,” Mike said. “How are you?”

“Hey there,” the man said smiling. “I’m just peachy. How’s by you?”

“Uh,” Mike said just a little taken aback “I’m actually pretty great right now. Thanks for asking.”

The man simply smiled back at him. Mike cast a sidelong glance at Tawny. She motioned forward with her chin.

“What’s your name?” Mike asked.

“I’m Linus,” The man said “what’s your name?”

Mike smiled at the man. The man smiled back.

“Uh,” Mike said as he searched for words that might move the conversation forward. “My name is Mike. What was your specialty here on Hale?”

“I was a farmer,” the man said as he got up from the chair and took a step toward Mike. “I loved that work. Every single day I was in the fields working the soil and producing food for my community. I can’t even begin to tell you how energizing it was to plant a seed and stand back to watch it grow into a full size plant that was going to produce the sustenance we need to exist.”

“Did you have any other jobs?”

“Sure, I was also a mechanic. But that’s kind of natural. If you have equipment that you’re going to use to produce food, then you really need to be pretty good at fixing it. You could wait around for someone else that could fix things, but that wastes quite a lot of time. And time, brother, is something that should absolutely never be frittered away. Eventually, we all end up sitting on a pedestal in the middle of paradise having conversations with tourists.”

Mike was a little embarrassed. He felt as though he had offended Linus. Perhaps he had bothered him when he was in the middle of something important. Wait, how could that be? Linus was dead. Mike was swinging wildly at a life preserver to stay afloat in reality.

“Ah,” Mike said to the man.

“How do I turn it off?” He said in a side whisper to Tawny.

“I don’t know,” she said. “How do you normally end a conversation? By the way, he’s not an it. This is Linus. He just told you that.”

“Ah,” Mike said to Linus. “Thank you? And, ah, have a pleasant day.”

“See ya brother,” Linus said. “And don’t forget, life is short, so don’t count your monkeys until they weave a basket.”

Linus stepped back to the chair and sat down. Then he snapped out of existence.

“What the hell was that?” Mike said to Tawny.

“What?” Tawny asked.

“That last part about a monkey and a basket.” He said.

“I’m pretty sure that’s what we call humor,” She said. “Get it?”

“So my first personal link to the dead was a smart ass?” Mike said.

“Seems like it,” she said. “But honestly, isn’t this the same thing as when you meet people on the street, or at work, or whatever? You get what you get.”

“Yeah,” Mike said. “I guess it is.”

“Are you ready to leave?” Tawny asked. “We could go back and get something to eat.”

Mike didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay in that field, wearing those glasses, with this amazing woman for the rest of his life. In fact, he could die right here and be happy. He started to think about getting his celebration log started. I mean how bad would that be if he joined this collective and didn’t have a log to be included in this magical place. Where would Twany go when she wanted to talk to him? He had to get on that right away. Just like writing a will back on Earth.

Mike and Tawny walked back on the path that had taken them to this place. As they walked Tawny reached over slipped her hand gently into Mikes. The gesture nearly struck Mike down, right then and there. He was walking along a path serenaded by musical insects, swishing through an ethereal pastel fog that was in fact the essence of life, fireflies still putting on a tiny firework display just for them, and the most amazing woman in the world… no… in the universe, was holding his hand.

The idea that Tawny felt the same way he did was intoxicating to him. The fact that he had been dancing, up close and personal with Bob a few days before was lost on him. The fact that Brizio had actually reached over and held his hand once while they were walking to dinner was lost on him. That incident was extremely off-putting for Mike. His first feeling was to tell Briz that he wasn’t gay. He was going to say he was flattered, but no thanks. Then he felt that he was being too socially constipated for this new society of his. Maybe that’s just what they did here, and he flowed with it.

But now, as he floated down the along the path with the love of his life, all of those life lesson and all of the personal advancements he had made, were balled up and sky-hooked into the waste basket. Clearly Tawny felt the same way for him that he felt for her, and they were going to spend the rest of their lives to together on Hale raising their children.

After they passed through the trellis and left the field of life, Tawny took her glasses off and replaced them in the case near the path. Mike reached up to remove his and hesitated. He looked back at Tawny one more time. Her exquisite beauty accentuated by the magical mist swirling around her. Her smile radiated like a soft beacon of hope for a fulfilled life.

He pulled the glasses from his face and felt actual physical pain. Just like the pain a junkie would feel as they pulled the spike out of their arm, knowing that it was the last time they would roll out on the velvet blanket of a skag high.

And knowing they had been lying to themselves all along.

Seventeen:

Mike felt like he had as a kid, when his parents had taken him to the Cedar Point amusement park. At the time, the largest roller coaster in the country was there, the Blue Streak. That thing was absolutely huge, and the all wood frame made it look like a giant sleeping dragon that had curled up for a nap between the lesser rides. Mike had tried to take his mind off the fact that his parents had, for some mystifying reason, entered into a mutually-assured destructive death pact that apparently included him. Waiting in line under the hot Northwestern Ohio sun was terrible and excruciating. It was what he imagined it would be like to be standing in front of a firing squad, blind-folded, and every few minutes the commander would say, “READY… AIM… hold on, we need to sort this out some more.”

Eventually they were under the roof of the queue that snaked back and forth, constantly moving unconscious people up a ramp, and ever closer to their immanent demise. Mike was so keyed up that he was positively vibrating. His mind was about to explode when a gate in front of his father opened and both he and his mother hustled him up to the very first car in a line of sky blue death boxes.

That feeling he had as the blue python of his darkest nightmares slowly slid out of the staging area and started to click its way ever up ward was exactly what he was feeling now. Bob had asked him if he wanted to have some fun. ‘Fun’ to Bob could have included anything under the sun, and probably did. Sky diving, base jumping, being on the receiving end of a knife and hatchet throwing competition… pretty much any or all of those could have been included in the list.

But the thing that really had unnerved Mike was the wicked smile that had been plastered on Bob’s face. More of a shit-eating grin, whatever that was, than anything else. A grin that said, “Hey, what I’m asking you to do is completely safe and sane… har har har har… not really. We’re all going to die. But it’s going to be great fun!”

Bob and Mike were walking down a beautiful garden path, and the beauty was becoming an everyday event. That Mike had already started to become jaded to the beauty that surrounded them was lost to him. Had he realized it he might have slipped into an irreversible melancholy.

The pair were met at the tram stop by another man and three other women that Mike had never met before. Introductions were made all the way around. The man was Jamie, and the women were Kate, Kyra, and Mia. As was the usually the case, jobs, positions or status weren’t part of the introductions. On Earth, these types of social engagements would have been more like, “This is Jamie he’s an investment broker for one of the biggies. Kate is a doctor at Westside General, Kyra here is an architect, and Mia runs a tech company in the valley.”

Of course, everyone knew exactly who Mike was, and as was always the case no one gushed over him, or asked for an autograph, or wanted to take a selfie. No one threatened to kill him because his views didn’t fit into theirs, and no one berated him because of what he stood for. Everyone just smiled with those perfectly white Hale teeth that were constant fixtures on the perfectly beautiful and tanned faces of every resident of Hale that Mike had met so far.

“So where are we off to?” Mike asked.

“Infinity,” Bob said as he pointed down the pathway “and beyond.”

“Great,” Mike said, “lead the way kemosahbee.”

They walked down the pathway in silence. He got the impression that everyone there was waiting to see what Mike thought of what they were about to be a part of. As they got closer to their point of “fun,” Mike could hear groups of people talking and laughing. Then he heard the distinct sound of water running. And it seemed as thought it was a fast-moving stream of a rapids.

As they broke out into a clearing Mike was met by a vison of a fairly large pond. The water, of course was a deep sapphire blue, the deep, lush grass went all the way down to the water’s edge, and same plant and insect life from the memorial gardens flitted everywhere. Mike’s mind unconsciously did a yadda, yadda, yadda, to his surroundings, as he focused on the pond. It all seemed so… normal and unthreatening. At the far end of the pond a shallow rushing stream emptied its rolling contents into the apparent swimming hole, and a smaller stream wondered of into the woods at the other end.

Bob swung a pointed index finger around in a circle over his head.

“Last one in is a dammed-if-I-know to a diddle eyed Joe!” He yelled excitedly to all the others.

“Wait,” Mike said as his face flushed red. “I didn’t bring anything to…”

Instantly everyone started to strip. Groups of naked people were laughing and running towards that water. Mike was instantly thrilled that Tawny couldn’t make the trip. Bob was already down to what served for underwear here.

“When in Rome, brother,” Bob said as he winked at Mike. And with that the remainder of Bob’s cloths were flung into the pile, joining that of the rest of the group that was already in the water.

For a split second, before Bob turned to run for the pond, Mike did a quick “physical assessment” of Bob’s attributes compared to his. Satisfied that Tawny would not be disappointed, Mike shelved the mental dick-measuring contest, disrobed, and ran for the water.

Naturally the water was a perfect temperature, and tasted just like the sweet, refreshing water he drank back in the village. Bob and the others were swimming around in a group, some laughing and splashing and other treading water as they talked, and other just floated n their backs taking in the warm sunlight.

“What do you think, buddy?” Bob asked as he swam over to Mike.

“Just like everything else here,” Mike said, “beautiful and perfect.”

They swam for the rest of the day and Mike was completely absorbed in the act of simply being. He didn’t have unending questions that nagged him constantly and crept into his mind, like flood waters seeping into every crevasse of his home as a river rises to destroy everything he’d worked a lifetime to compile. He wasn’t worried about getting that promotion or raise at work. He wasn’t worried about meeting some moronic irrelevant deadline that his boss had dropped on him at the last minute. He wasn’t worried about paying his taxes, or making a house payment, or what happened if he got sick, or making sure he was home in time to let the dogs out. He was simply happy and living in the luscious, mind expanding freedom of life on Hale.

Later, some of the people that had been swimming had left the pound and either had gone back home, or were out walking in the woods. All of Mikes group had left except Mia and Bob. Now the trio was laying in the deep green carpet of grass, sunning their naked bodies, free of the yoke of responsibility. Mike was amazed at how quickly he had become at ease with his own nudity in a mixed group. On Earth, he had eventually quit going to the gym. The obligatory old men that loved to parade around naked, or flop one nasty old foot up on the bench next to him, as the freely dried their crotches within feet of his face, had eventually been too much for him. They creeped him out, and he felt ogled when he went to use the showers.

“I don’t get the weather here,” he said to Bob.

“You seem to be getting it just fine at this point,” Bob said, smiling up toward the sun.

“No,” Mike said, “is it always like this or do you have seasons? Did I just luck out to get here during the summer, or is every day like this?”

“This ain’t Star Trek, brother,” Bob said.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“If you were to instantly be dropped into Bismarck North Dakota in December would you instantly assume the entire planet was a snow covered, empty soybean field?”

“Well, no,” Mike said.

“Didn’t you ever think is was odd that the assumption was made that where ever Kirk and the soon to be dead guys in the red shirts went, they would refer to their surroundings as life on the entire planet?”

“Not really,” Mike said.

Bob rolled over on his side to face Mike.

“Not one time?” Bob said. “You never thought, ‘Hey wait. Is all of this planet just like Chicago in the roaring 20s?’”

“Well no,” Mike said. I never really thought about it.”

“Well that explains why the series was so wildly popular, I guess. Not a lot of deep thinkers.”

“What does any of that have to do with weather?” Mike asked. He was sitting up now.

“This is just like any other planet, in that it gets cooler as you travel North. The geography and weather are governed by topographical phenomenon. We have deserts, and rain forests, glaciers, mountains, valleys, all of that.”

“So where is this place, planetarily?”

“Think tropical,” Bob said “Like the Caribbean, or Hawaii, or Tahiti.”

“It really is like this nearly all the time,” Mia added.

“What are the other parts of the planet like?” Mike asked.

“How do you mean that?” Bob said. “Do you mean like socially, or in some other way?”

“All of the communities on Hale are just like this,” Mia said as she sat up to join the conversation. “The only difference is geography and climate.”

“Yeah,” Bob added. “This is kind of the focal point, in a planetary kind of way. Most of the people live here, for obvious reasons, so it follows that most of the facilitating comes from this area.”

“I used to live much farther north and west of here,” Mia said. “But I find that I’m happiest in this area.”

“You see,” Bob said, “we don’t move someplace and then try to bend it to fit what our expectations are for a happy life. If you prefer it cooler then you move north. If not, you move south. We aren’t encumbered by the cost of living, or borders, or warring governments. If we like someplace we move there, and live.”

“Is that not the way it is on Earth?” Mia asked.

“Have you never been on a deep space probe there?” Mike asked her. He had totally lost the inhibition of having an intelligent conversation with a beautiful, totally naked woman.

“No,” She said. “I’ve never had the interest to be part of that.”

“Well,” Mike said, “on Earth, where you live the rest of your life depends on quite a few factors that don’t exist in any way on this planet.”

“You’re darn tootin’,” Bob said.

“How so?” Mia asked.

“Well first, you live wherever your parents decide to live, for the first 18 to 20 years of your life. Their decision is usually based on where they grew up, and on jobs they have and what the can afford.”

“Afford,” Mia said. “I’ve heard of that. It seems horrible. It seems like being strapped down with invisible chains.”

“Yeah,” Mike said. “That’s a pretty good analogy. Usually the best places to live have an incredible cost of living.”

“You might want to explain that,” Bob said.

“Well, the cost of food, and housing are usually much higher than in less sought-after places. And things like taxes, gas, utilities are higher as well.”

“Do you mean that on earth,” Mia said wide eyed “you have to pay for essential services. Like housing, and food.”

“On Earth you have to pay for everything,” Mike said. “And I do mean everything. Nothing is free. If this pond were on Earth, eventually someone with a lot of money would buy it, and charge people to come and visit. And people would happily do that.”

“How can you own a place like this?” She asked.

“Someone owns everything there,” Mike said sadly.

“What happens if people don’t have money?” Mia asked.

“Oh,” Bob said as he laid back and put his hands behind his head “I can’t wait to hear you field this one, pard.”

“Well then they go without,” Mike said as he looked at the ground.

“Without,” Mia said, “without what? We were talking about the essentials of life. Certainly, you can’t mean they do without that.”

“I’m afraid I do,” Mike said, ashamed. “If someone can’t pay for housing they have to live on the street. If they can’t afford food then they starve, or the lucky ones can go to charitable organizations and get something to eat.”

“How can people exist like that?” Mia asked.

“Some don’t,” Bob said to the sky with his eyes closed. “Tell her.”

“People die of hunger every day on Earth,” Mike said. “And before you ask, yes there is enough food to feed them. Either they can’t pay, or they live in a place where the government is corrupt and lets them die. People freeze to death as they sit on the street homeless. People needlessly die of exposure and pestilence every day.”

“Why wouldn’t people do something to stop that?” Mia asked. “It seems horrible.”

“Sometimes nothing is done because people are apathetic,” he said. “If it’s not happening to them, then they just don’t care. Sometimes people are openly hostile to the poor, because they think that it’s their own fault for not working hard enough to get money to live.”

“Tell you what,” Bob said sitting up again to join the group, “why don’t you explain sports to her. It’s just as screwed up, but quite a bit less depressing.”

“Don’t you have anything that equates to sports here?” Mike asked. “No games, or teams or anything at all.”

“Why would we?” Bob said. I’m sure that once you get into the explanation it will become clear why we don’t have that here.”

Mia was sitting across from Mike simply waiting to hear about the seemingly innocuous idea of a sporting event.

At first Mike was at a loss, because he had no idea how to begin an explanation of competition at ground zero.

“Start from the beginning,” Bob offered to the silence.

“Well,” Mike started, “on Earth there are different kinds of sporting events…”

“Farther back,” Bob offered.

“On Earth people like to compete…”

“Way back,” Bob said, “back, back, back, back, back. It’s a home run!”

Mike glared back at Bob’s smile.

“Everything on Earth is a competition,” Mike said to Mia. Then he glanced at Bob for approval. Bob gave him the ‘OK’ sign. “We compete for jobs, we compete for relationships, we compete with our neighbors for status symbols.”

“But…” Mia started to say. But Bob cut her off with a raised hand.

“Save all questions for the end of the lecture,” Bob said.

“It really is the only way we know to exist,” Mike went on. “All of that competition extends to our leisure time as well. Families play games for fun. Card games, board games, video games, and things like that.”

“That seems like a good time to me,” Mia said. “What’s the down side?”

“Well,” he said “until I got here I would have said there was nothing wrong with that. Games always pit one person or a group of people against each other. And they play until one side wins. All games have rules…”

“Why rules?” Mia asked.

“Yeah dude,” Bob said. Why rules?”

Mike dismissed Bob’s sarcasm.

“We have to have rules in a game, otherwise people will cheat,” Mike said.

“Ooooopsy,” Bob said. “Afraid we don’t have a translation for that here. You’ll have to explain cheating I’m afraid.”

“Cheating,” Mike said, frustrated, “is when one side or person purposefully does something they know is wrong in order to win a game that they are playing with another person.”

“Why would…” Mia said, and Bob cut her off with a raised hand again.

“Don’t go there,” He suggested.

“You see,” Bob took over for a little while “Sports, and games are a human extension of war. Except no one dies… usually. One side attacks, and the other side defends. This goes on for a specific amount of time and who ever scores the most points at the end of the game wins.”

“Why would anyone turn war into a game?” Mia asked in shocked surprise.

“Oh,” Bob said. “Excellent question from the class.”

“It’s who we are Mia.” Mike said. “And I guess it’s my job to change all of that.”

Eighteen:

Mike was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He had gone to Tawny’s office, “just to say Hi.” The tension he felt was like a physical presence that stalked around the room. Hiding in corners and waiting for the chance to leap on Mike’s back, devouring him in a single swallow. Tawny, of course, was relaxed and as personable as ever. Nothing seemed to fluster her.

At some point Mike blurted out that he would love to have Tawny come over to his place sometime so they could talk privately.

“I think that would be lovely,” Tawny had said.

“Lovely,” Mike thought blissfully. “She thinks spending time alone with me would be lovely.”

It was at that single moment in time that Mike had a complete grasp on the definition of giddy. Because if there ever was a feeling of being giddy, surely he was the embodiment of that emotion right then. He was sure that if you were to look up the word giddy in the dictionary there would be a picture of the current stupid look on his face right next to it.

The date and time had been set and now Mike was just standing in his home waiting for the love of his life to show up. He had made sure that the decor of his surroundings was perfect, and would impress his future wife. Naturally, the understanding that she would see his place however it might be that she perceived him, was so far from his realm of thinking right now, that it existed in another time zone.

Then it was time. His door whooshed open and there she stood. Right then time stood still, and he soaked in the radiant splendor of the answer to everything he could have ever wanted his life to become. He savored the instant that she walked across the threshold of his life, and entered into what would eventually become an eternity together in blissful, carefree, love that would eventually rise and envelop them both in a blanket of endless joy.

“I’d say you look beautiful,” Mike said, “but that would redefine the word.”

Tawny tilted her head to one side.

“Why, thank you,” She said.

Mike had chosen Van Morrison to serenade the couple from the ceiling. Moon Dance filled the room with its beatnik like rhythm and slow under current of rolling bass line. Van laid the piano cords down and Mike smiled.

“I love Van Morrison,” Tawny said.

“Oh, I was afraid you had never heard it before,” Mike said. “But this music pretty much relates to everyone eventually, if they’ve heard it or not, I guess.”

“I fell in love with it on one of my very first trips to Earth,” Tawny said as she walked into Mike’s home. “It’s so rich and meaningful. You can just feel that he puts every single fiber of himself into what he writes.”

“Please, have a seat,” Mike said.

He was going to ask if he could get her anything to drink and remembered that there was no form of alcohol on Hale. Drinking was simply done in order to quench a thirst, never just to be sociable, or give your hand something to hold while your face was busy trying to impress people.

“How have you been getting along, Mike?” She asked.

Every time she said his name Mike felt like his fingertips had been hooked up to a car battery.

“Ah,” Mike stumbled, “things have been pretty great actually. Well, great, and terrifying, and amazing all rolled up into one neat package, I guess.”

“I hear you got to go to the lake,” she said smiling.

“Yeah, that,” Mike said as his face flushed crimson. “It would have been just awesome if Bob had given me a little heads-up about the attire first.”

“I’m sure it would have,” She said giggling just a little. “But then that wouldn’t have been Bob, would it.”

“No, I’m afraid it wouldn’t.”

“How did you like it?”

“It was great,” Mike said. “But it would have been better if you could have been there.”

Instantly he wished he could have reached out and stuffed the words right back into his mouth before they reached Tawny’s ears. He was terrified that she would think he had just said he wished he could have seen her naked.

“I wish I could have, too,” she said, clearly not taking it the way he was afraid of. “But duty called, as they say. I had a story that was pretty important that I had to get out.”

“What was it?” he asked.

“A hurricane was threatening one of the areas farther west of here,” she said. “I had to let people know where they could get information on people that needed homes to evacuate to, and what others could do to help.”

“I guess I never thought of natural disasters here,” Mike said. “Where do people evacuate to? Are there shelters, and who runs them?”

“No. We really don’t have a need for that. When people need to leave a region for something like a wild fire of hurricane, they simply are absorbed into communities that aren’t threatened. Some go to available housing that already exists, other live with people in the area. If they decide to stay, then they live with others until new homes can be constructed. It really is the only thing that makes sense here. You see the suffering of others and do what it takes to alleviate it.”

“I guess it is the only thing that makes sense,” he said, “and consequently, it’s the only way it could be here.”

“Consequently,” She said in agreement.

Mike struggled for something to say. He realized that he was doing a horrible job of keeping up his end of the conversation. He couldn’t help but surrender himself to the workings of those incredible lips. It was all that existed when she talked, and all other sensory things that were happening around him were muffled. Like he was hearing them under water.

Overhead a flute trilled, and Moon Dance ended. Mike was only partially aware that Brown Eyed Girl had taken its place. Playful notes danced off an acoustic guitar and floated around the room like the fireflies in the memorial garden. Chords started to chink along and walk up the fret board.

“Hey where did we go? Days when the rains came. Down in the hollow. Playin’ a new game…”

Van was singing, Mike was smiling, and Tawny was radiating.

It could have been more perfect but he really couldn’t even begin to imagine how.

“I’m so glad you were able to come over,” Mike said.

“So am I,” Tawny said as she spread the warmest of smiles all the way around the room.

They talked, and laughed. Mike was more comfortable, and able to allow himself to open up in ways that he never had before. She asked him if he was grasping everything he needed on Hale. He told her that nearly everything on Hale was something that had nagged his soul for as long as he could remember. He said that he had shared some of his feelings with others with when he was younger and had been met with ridicule, and sympathetic looks from people older than him. Most had explained that when he got older he would realize why things could never be the way he thought they should be.

“Did they tell you why?” Tawny asked.

“Sure,” Mike said. “They said that people would always be people. That as long as humans were on the planet there would be war and suffering. They said it was simply human nature.”

Overhead Van seamlessly slipped out of Brown Eyed Girl and rolled in the sweet low chords of It Stoned Me.

“Do you believe that now?” She asked.

“I don’t know,” He said. “Here it seems just like a way of life. Like there could be no other way to live. I guess that with enough time, and enough people dedicated to the cause, things might be able to be different. People are always looking for an angle though. Looking for some way to get over. That has to be absolutely done away with.”

“Can it be?”

“See,” he said leaning forward a little, “that’s the issue. Of course it can be. But generally, people don’t make great changes in their lives without first having some sort of terrific emotional experience. People don’t usually change without being hurt or threatened. And if that’s what forces the change, it really isn’t permanent. The real person still lives on just under the surface. I’m afraid this kind of change will take tremendous personal commitment. I’m just not sure that exists there.”

Overhead a single acoustic guitar strummed through a series of melancholy chords that floated beautifully across the room.

“We were born before the wind. Also younger than the sun…”

Tawny’s eyes bored a warm hole into Mike’s heart.

Mike shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

Van drew the two of them together magnetically with every single line of Into the Mystic.

“Would you like to dance?” Mike asked.

“I would love to,” Tawny almost whispered.

Their bodies melted together and swirled around the room in perfect harmony. Mike was so happy that he actually ached. They danced up on the notes of the guitar blending smoothly with the keyboard, and floated in the center of reality, like the soft pastel colors of life that Mike was able to be a part of, in the memorial garden. The décor of Mike’s home changed to an open space lined with gently flowing white linen. Twinkling lights blinked lightly on and off overhead.

And time stood still.

Mike looked deeply into Tawny’s eyes. What he saw there made him confident that she was feeling the same thing he was. He moved his lips closer to hers and his heart exploded as she came towards him, meeting his kiss. Those deep, beautiful lips touching his. Melting into one in the heat of the passion that they were both generating. He kissed her gently wanting to hold on to that initial touch for as long as he could. He was at the center of everything that he had ever lived for. Of every life event, everything that had hurt or helped him. Every late appointment, or long traffic light, or missed alarm clock, that had driven him ceaselessly to that one single moment in time that put him in the right place, at exactly the right time to be picked up by that ship. To deposit him on this amazingly beautiful planet, and to be kissing this woman that was the answer to the deepest of things he needed in his life. No. Not things he needed. Things that he craved. Things that without, he would certainly, simply, cease to exist.

They stopped moving to the music. Mike reached up and caressed Tawny’s face as their lips continued to explore the white-hot emotions they were generating.

Overhead the music slowed.

“To late to stop now,” Van warned as the music faded away.

Nineteen:

The sweetly soft voice of K D Lang filled the room with the summation of the post-coital feelings that hung between the intertwined naked bodies lying quietly together.

Hallelujah… Hallelujah…

Mike’s eyes filled with his unending love for the woman for whom he had waited his entire life. Rivulets of warm raw emotion spilled down his cheeks burning his skin. His index finger ran unconscious, and slow, tracing each rise and fall of the skin on Tawny’s perfect back. She whispered a low, satisfied moan and wiggled deeper into the crook of his arm. He knew this fraction of a second in this exquisite moment of time was the only thing he needed to live.

Tawny stroked the skin of his chest and it felt like she was massaging his heart back to life after it had been stuck in stasis for an eternity.

“It took you long enough,” she said quietly.

Of course the masculine human side of him took over immediately and assumed that he had failed to meet her physical expectations, or lingered too long on a specific act or manipulation. Possibly even climax.

“I, ah,” Mike was horrified.

“I thought you weren’t interested in me at all,” she finally put his worst fears to rest.

“It was far from that,” Mike said in relief. “I couldn’t see you interested in me.”

“I’m pretty sure that there isn’t a woman on this planet that would feel like that,” Tawny said. “The thing that makes you the most dangerous is the thing that attracts women the most.”

“Dangerous?” Mike said. “I never thought of myself like that. What part of me seems dangerous?”

“Your passion. There isn’t anything that comes close to it here. It’s animalistic on one hand. Almost brutal when you compare it to the way we live our lives here. On the other it’s exciting and even intoxicating. It’s… well… dangerous.”

He had no idea what to say. He thought that the events of the last hour or so were the most beautiful minutes he could have ever have imagined. He and Tawny had come together as one being and shared each other in ways that he had never even considered with another woman. Now she was saying that he was brutal?

“I’m sorry if I was too rough,” Mike said.

“No,” she said as she placed a hand on the side of his face to turn it towards her. She kissed him softly. “You were far from that. It was amazing. It’s just the duality of the issues we’re trying to fix. Humans on Earth aren’t separated from the basis of animal instinct by much. You’re so close to animals, in fact, that articulation and thumbs are about the only things that separate you.”

Mike looked devastated.

“Don’t look like that Mike,” She said as she gave him the softest of kisses. “You are a wonderful man, and a very giving lover. It’s just… different than what happens here.”

“You’re an amazing woman Tawny,” Mike said. “I’ve thought that from the very first time I met you. Right here and right now is the only place I want to be.”

The last words out of Mike’s mouth gave Tawny pause. Maybe this connection was a bad thing. She had been attracted to him from the beginning as well. Could it be possible that an actual physical relationship between humans on Earth and their ancestral counterparts on Hale could be that destructive? Could it be, that this one act could put an instant and final end to the mission trying to normalize the inhabitants of another world that Haleians were responsible for? The idea that she may be the catalyst for a devastating multi world incident made her shudder just a little. It was so horrible a notion that she buried it far back in the deepest reaches of her subconscious, locked the vault, and melted down the key.

“Do you think you could get away tomorrow?” Tawny asked as she put the negative feeling out of her mind for good.

“Anything you want,” Mike said.

“Great,” she said. “I have one last thing to show you here.

“I can’t wait,” he said as he kissed the top of her head.

This seemed to Tawny to be the most innocent of suggestions. It seemed the perfect idea to push the darkness of her thoughts completely into the basement of her mind. It seemed the perfect vehicle to use, to bring their relationship back to the even keel that it had been on before they had connected in the deepest of ways.

But, as Bob might have said…

The best-laid mice have plans.

Twenty:

Tawny was only mildly concerned as she and Mike rode to the destination of their next and possibly final visit to part of the life-style of Hale. Mike had his arm loosely around her shoulders, and it felt good. She had never experienced this kind of closeness with another person before. Normally after two people had connected in such a way in her society, they simply went on with life as it had been before the act had happened. People in this world loved each other completely and unconditionally every single day. It was the adhesive that held the fabric of society together.

She was only slightly aware that his arm around her wasn’t simply a display of affection with humans. Someplace deep inside, she recognized that this seemingly innocuous act was, to the people on Earth, a gesture of protection, and a symbol of ownership. It sent a signal to all others that this woman belonged to this man and everyone had better respect that.

Tawny basked in the good feeling feelings her connection to Mike gave, and decided that she’d deal with any issues that may spring up from it when they presented themselves. She should have known a bridge can’t be crossed when it’s already on fire.

“We’re here,” Tawny said lightly as the door on the tram whooshed open.

“Outstanding,” Mike said. “I can’t wait.”

The building they were standing in front of wasn’t really much different than any of the other large buildings Mike had seen on Hale up till then. All of the architecture was functional, and most of the aesthetic value was supplied by organic life.

“So where are we?” Mike asked.

“This is the children’s center,” she said. “I think this will fill in all the spaces to help you understand how we live here.”

Tawny took him by the hand and led him into the foyer of the building. Once again Mike was surprised at the lack of security here. Mike and Tawny were able to simply walk through the doors, into the building, and have complete and unrestricted access to any and all of the areas in the school.

“This would never happen on earth,” Mike said.

“How do you mean?” T awny asked.

“I know the way people’s minds work here, and I completely realize that there’s not a danger of anything happening to these kids,” he said. “But still, after all of the tragedies in so many of the school rooms on Earth recently…”

“That’s pretty much why we decided to save this for last,” she said. “If you saw this without first having a basic understanding of how things work here you might come away with a different opinion.”

Tawny took Mike down one of the many corridors that ran off the main foyer. Children of all different ages and several adults milled about in the hallway.

“Are they between classes right now?” Mike asked.

“No,” she said. “Why do you ask that?”

“There just seems to be a lot of people outside the class room right now.”

“School doesn’t work the same way here that it does on earth,” she said. “In fact, there is nothing about this place that would translate for you, or your society. Classes aren’t structured the way they are on earth. People attend the ones they need and not the ones they don’t. Naturally there’s a testing regimen. But that’s pretty fluid as well.”

“How does anyone learn anything is a system like that?” He asked.

“Pretty well I think; said the woman with the interstellar spaceship, to the guy with a chip in his head.” She smiled at him.

“Touché,”

“I understand that kids start school as young as three,” Mike said.

“That’s not exactly accurate, in the truest sense,” she told him. “At the age of three children come here to live. The parents visit regularly, but not simply to see how their child is progressing in relation to the others. Everyone in this community takes responsibility for the building of a productive citizen in society. Children are able to form a sense of community. Naturally, when kids first get here they have literacy requirements to meet. They have to learn to read and write. Of course, basic math is part of that. After they complete the rudimentary classes they can explore areas that they’re naturally drawn too.”

“How long does that take?” Mike asked. “How long do kids usually stay here?”

“The answer to that is different based on the individual,” Tawny explained. “No one learns or absorbs at the same rate. Once a child is ready to move on, they’re encouraged to explore interests that keep their mind active. On one hand, quite a lot of time is wasted in the system that you’re used to. Students that excel above their class are only allowed to advance ahead to a specific point. They also waste a lot of time learning things that aren’t important to whatever place they may take in society.”

“And on the other hand?” Mike asked.

“On the other, some students are moved along too fast to be successful. They become frustrated and eventually give up. Here everyone advances at whatever rate it takes to be successful.”

“Naturally we have people that are trained to recognize areas that children are drawn to that will help them become productive members of the community. Some children may be drawn to sciences, others to mechanical interests. The path they take is governed by them. They come out of the other end of this system well-rounded, happy people, that are able to advance the world around them, as far as it can possibly go.”

“What about the ones that are lazy, or simply don’t care about learning.”

“That situation really never exists,” she said. “The only reason it does on Earth is because children feel left out, uncared for, or inferior. In this system those feelings can never be fostered.”

“How long do kids stay here then?” Mike asked.

“For as long as they want to,” she said. “Some may advance to a specific point in, say, the heath care field. They may feel that they have gone as far as they want to and decide they want to be a nurse, or technician. Others may want to continue on to be doctors or surgeons. The most important thing to remember is that any level of training in any field is considered to be just as important as the others. The brain surgeon is considered just as important as the phlebotomist.”

They walked through a set of double doors at the end of the hallway and into a typically magical garden. In one place children of different ages sat under a tree and listened to a lecture about botany. In another a group of kids were working in what appeared to be a small garden plot.

“Most of the classes that are held out here have to do with plant life,” Tawny said. “Most of the others, like engineering, math, and things like that are in different classrooms inside. Almost all of the medical classes are in the section that is also the community hospital.”

“Your only hospital is a classroom?” Mike asked, surprised.

“What else would it be?” she said. “There’s no better place to learn medicine than in a hospital.”

They walked through the garden and back through a set of doors on the other side. The classrooms on either side of the hall were filled with children being taught any number of the basic classes. All along the way people smiled at them, or waved to Tawny. She stopped and introduced Mike to some of the kids that stopped to talk to her. She asked how classes were going and if there was anything she could do to help.

Then, as they stopped in front a door leading to one of the classrooms a small boy ran out and threw his arms around Tawny.

“Hey Buddy,” she said. But Mike noticed that the movement of her lips didn’t match the words she was saying.

Tawny pointed at Mike.

“This is my friend Mike,” she said.

“Hi Mike,” the boy said cheerfully. “How are you?”

Mike was taken a little aback by the small boy’s grown demeanor.

“I’m fine,” Mike said. “How are you?”

“I’m great,” he said.

“We just had a spelling test Tawny,” he added

“How’d you do buddy?” she asked.

“I got all of them right,” he said.

“That’s great Axel,” Tawny said as she mussed his hair.

Mike felt as though he had been struck by a bolt of lightning. The boy turned and ran back into the class room.

“Bye Mike,” he said over his shoulder.

“Is that your son?” Mike asked in dumbfounded amazement.

Tawny was a little surprised herself by Mike’s reaction.

“Yes, it is,” she said. “Isn’t he a cutie?”

This was it. Tawny had just introduced him to her son. What woman would introduce a man to her son unless she was certain that she wanted him to be a part of her life? This was the answer he was looking for. And when combined with what had happened the night before he was certain that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

“He certainly is,” Mike agreed. “Does Bob ever come here to see him?”

“I have to assume he does,” Tawny said cautiously.

“You mean you don’t know,”

“We’ve never talked about it,” Tawny said. “Everyone comes here and spends as much time with the children as they can. I have to assume Bob has been here also. I can’t think of a reason he wouldn’t be.”

She was becoming a little more concerned as the conversation went on. But just like her earth-bound brethren, Tawny decided to let things go and see where they ended up before becoming too alarmed. Mike was a reasonable person. And she was sure that he was absorbing everything about the raising of children, just as he had absorbed other aspects of Haleian life that were much more complex.

But the one thing that she was not capable of understanding was the effect human physical relationships had on human actions. She and Mike had been intimate and it was possibly the most intensely gratifying sexual experience she had ever had. But that certainly couldn’t mean that it would somehow change the person that Mike had been up until then. There was no reason for that. Sexual relationships in her society were like anything else, completely logical, open and sharing. Having sexual relationships with more than one person, occasionally at the same time, were everyday events here.

Tawny instantly decided that she was simply being overly cautious. She had been involved so deeply in making sure that Mike being here didn’t negatively impact either society or Mike himself, that she had lost the ability to be subjective.

She decided to wait and see what happened before she sounded any undue alarm.

Twenty-one:

The tables in the common area had been moved to the edge of the floor and people were dancing. Mike sat with Bob, Brizio, Mia, and Kate near the entrance. A soft tropical breeze was wafting through the trees and flowers surrounding them, depositing the delicate aroma of tropical Hale gently on their senses.

Tawny had been sitting with them for a while until she saw someone across the room that she needed to speak with. The conversation going on around Mike was ancillary and muted. He watched Tawny glide across the floor and couldn’t stop thinking about the time they had spent together. He hated to see her go, but he loved watching her walk away.

“…don’t you think Mike? Bob was saying. “Ever?”

“Uh, what?” Mike said.

“Wow,” Bob said. “What planet were you just on?”

Bob was smiling broadly.

“Get it?” He said. “What planet… oh never mind.”

“I’m sorry,” Mike said. “I guess I was lost in thought.”

“Lost in something,” Mia said.

“I hear you went to the children’s center yesterday,” Brizio said.

“Yeah,” Mike said absently. “I did. Pretty fascinating.”

“Do you have schools like that on earth?” Kate asked.

“We have schools,” Mike said. He was still watching Tawny as she sat talking to a group of people. “But they certainly aren’t like they are here,” he said.

“Yeah,” Bob said. “They certainly aren’t.”

“How so?” Kate asked.

“Children start school around 6 years old first of all,” Mike said.

“What do they do before that?” Mia asked.

“They stay at home and grow up I guess,” Mike said. “But the biggest difference is the structure and curriculum. Everybody takes basically the same classes, until they get into the 9th or 10th grade. Even then, there isn’t a wide diversity offered.”

“Wait,” Brizio asked. “They have to be, what 16 or 17 years old then, right?”

“Yeah, that’s about right. People don’t go to specialized schools until they graduate. They’re 17 or 18 by then.”

“That’s…” Mia said.

“Screwed up?” Bob offered.

Tawny was sitting on a bench talking to the other people around her now. A man that Mike had never seen before was standing behind her, and he had his hand on Tawny’s shoulder. Mike wanted to get up, walk over there, break the guy’s arm off, and systematically beat him to death with it. There was another side of him that kept yelling into his subconscious that things were different here. But his lizard brain was punching the voice of reason into submission. He reached deep into his reasonable side and pulled himself back into the conversation.

“I met Axel yesterday,” He said to Bob.

The comment was men to be as innocent as it could possibly be. But if he were to take a minute to be self-aware Mike would have realized it was more of an indictment against Bob. His tone punctuated that idea around the table.

“Oh,” Bob said in a clipped way that was not characteristic of Bob’s quick wit.

“Yeah,” Mike said. “Cute kid.”

“Yeah, he sure is,” Bob said cautiously. “Smart as a whip too.”

“Do you ever go see him?” Mike asked.

Mia and Kate were sitting across from Mike and Bob. They both looked up at Mike. They were uncomfortable with where this conversation was going. Not because of anything that had been said, but more due to Mike’s sudden darkness. This was certainly something new to polite society on Hale.

“Sure,” Bob said. “Almost every day. But I go see all of the kids over there. We all do.”

“But do you spend special time with Axel?

“Things aren’t the same here,” Bob said. “I would imagine that phrase is getting a little redundant by now. But the children are the future of our society here. No one person takes ownership of any one child.”

Bob was sitting right next to Mike. Mike was hearing what Bob was saying but he kept looking across the room at Tawny.

“Look buddy,” Bob said. “We should probably have a little private conversation soon.”

It was way too obvious that Mike and Tawny had shared something personal together, and Bob was pretty sure what that thing was. He was also sure that each person in that pair perceived that action in completely different ways. Bob was horrified that Tawny would have taken a chance like that. She knew that giving into something as primal as that with someone that could barely understand the concept of a society with no money, let alone something as deep as personal relationships, was like tossing gas on a bonfire.

The man standing behind Tawny said something to the group. Tawny turned her face towards him and he kissed her… on the lips. Mike’s face flushed red and he jumped to his feet. Both his hands were balled into fists, and he stopped. Frozen there in that microsecond, caught between an irrational act and conscious control.

The fact that the man also kissed the others in the group, including the men was lost on Mike. The interloper had touched the love of his life and then had the temerity to kiss her.

None of this was lost on Bob or Kate.

“Leaving,” Bob asked. He was trying to sound as casual as he could and cover the alarm in his voice.

“What?” Mike asked.

“It would seem as though you have someplace you need to be,” Bob said.

“Yeah,” Mike said. “I’m tired. I’m going to go home and get some sleep.”

“Good idea, brother,” Bob said.

Mike slunk off in the direction of his home leaving the others in stunned silence.

“What was that all about,” Brizio asked.

“It looks like someone has tasted the forbidden fruit,” Bob said as he watched Tawny across the room.

“What?”  Mia said, “Mike and Tawny? Lucky girl.”

“Maybe not so much,” Kate said.

“Yeah,” Bob added. “Maybe not.”

“I don’t know a lot about the customs on earth,” Brizio said, “But from what I do know that wasn’t a very smooth move on her part.”

“Why not?” Mia asked.

“Because,” Bob said. “People there tend to get a little possessive when they have a physical relationship with another person.”

“Possessive how?” Mia asked.

“Possessive as in that person belongs to them,” Bob said.

“That’s crazy,” Kate said. “How could one person own another one? That doesn’t even make sense.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Bob said. “And crazy is pretty much the operative word here. Entire wars have been fought for love. People on Earth think that kind of thing is romantic.”

“Romantic?!” Brizio said. “It’s barbaric.”

“Yes, it is,” Bob said. “And once that green-eyed monster is unleashed it’s almost impossible to drag that sucker back into the cage.”

Tawny smiled across the room to Bob, and he smiled back as he stroked his beard. Things were going to change here and he had no idea how to stop the runaway train that was barreling down the tracks straight at all of them.

Twenty-two:

“What exactly were you thinking?” Bob asked Tawny.

“What do you mean?” Tawny said.

“I mean what exactly were you thinking, when you decided to have a sexual relationship with a person that comes from a species that is only removed from the rest of the animal kingdom by the thinnest of possible threads?”

“I didn’t see any possible way that it might be an issue,” Tawny said. She was surprised that Bob was reacting with such obvious alarm. “He seems to be grasping everything here pretty easily. What harm could something as innocuous as sex do?”

“Seriously?” Bob said, “I guess I’d understand if you had never been on a mission to Earth before. But, you’ve been there. You’ve seen how they act when someone trespasses on what they perceive to be their property.”

“I guess you’re right,” Tawny said sadly. “But Mike seems to be adapting pretty easily to life here.”

“That’s exactly what we need to be more conscious of,” Bob said. “He’s adapting. I don’t think he has any intensions of leaving here. I think that he plans to stay here, and spend the rest of his life with you raising Axel.”

“That’s crazy,” Tawny said. “We’ve made it very plain to him that this was all just temporary. He has always said he understands that. Why would he think anything else?”

“Crazy,” Bob said. “Let that sink in as far as it can possibly go. Those people are crazy and they don’t even realize it. I’m sure that Mike has – or had, before he fell in love – the best of intensions. I would guess that all of that is in the toilet now.”

“Love?” Tawny said. “What does love have to do with anything?”

“Come on T,” Bob said incredulously. “You know the answer to that as well as anyone does. You ran a ship to earth. You’ve studied them. Love comes in many different levels to these people. The love that they have for pop-tarts isn’t even close to the love they have for their country, and that is nothing like the love they feel for someone that is important to them. These clowns are wading around in a cesspool of insecurity that should rightfully drown them, and they don’t even know it. I’m afraid you’re getting dragged right in there with one of them.”

“Where is all of this coming from all of a sudden?” Tawny sked. “Did you see something that makes you think there might be an issue?”

“Do you remember when you were talking to the group from the space committee last night in the common area?”

“Sure,” Tawny said confused. “How is that an issue?”

“Well, my friend, with normal stable people it wouldn’t be,” Bob said. “But when John kissed you goodnight, our Earth buddy came out of his chair like he had been blasted out of it. I’m 100% positive that if I hadn’t said something to him he would have gone across the room and attacked him.”

“What?!” Twany said. She was clearly horrified. “Why would he have done that? John kissed everyone when he left. I don’t get it?”

“You had sex with it,” Bob said. “Now it owns you.”

“He’s Mike,” Tawny said. “He’s not an it.”

She wasn’t being defensive. She just couldn’t begin to understand why someone that had been so open to the way life worked on Hale would do a complete turnaround simply because they had enjoyed each other’s bodies.

“You had better start looking at him as a subject,” Bob said. “And I think it would be a good idea to keep him away from the children’s center.”

“Why should I do that?” She asked in surprise.

“He brought up Axel,” Bob said.

“Yeah,” she said. “What does that have to do with anything? He met Axel at school.”

“He was acting like he and I might be in some kind of contest for Axel’s affection.”

“Did he say that?” Tawny asked.

“He didn’t have too. It was way too obvious by the way he was acting. I think we might need to bring this experiment to a close… soon.”

“I think you might be right,” she said sadly. “How could I have not seen this?”

“Humans can be extremely convincing when they want to be,” Bob said. “Especially when they’re lying to themselves harder than they’re lying to the people around them.”

Twenty-three:

Mike sat alone in the tram. The majesty of Hale slid by completely unnoticed by him. His mind was running liked a doped racehorse with an unconscious jockey. He felt like he hadn’t cemented his relationship with Tawny the way he had wanted. He couldn’t think of anything else to do, until the light came on. He had clearly not made the right impression at the most critical time. He knew he could fix that if he was given a chance. And there was no better place to start to repair that issue than right at the source.

The tram drew silently onto the arrival pasture and the doors whooshed open. Mike stepped out and stretched. He was surprised he was able to find his way back here without help from anyone. But when the going got tough, the tough got going.

Kids, and a few adults, were milling around the front of the building as Mike walked up the steps to the children’s center. First, he figured that he’d just go over there and ask until someone could tell him where Axel was. He knew that if he had the opportunity to just talk to the boy one on one he would have the chance to square things with him. He knew fixing things with Axel was the only thing he needed to insure his place with Tawny.

Then he figured that if he were to just walk into the building and start asking for a specific kid people might get a little suspicious. Since no one was apparently in charge of keeping an eye on the comings and goings of strange people at the center he was pretty sure he could just start walking around until he found Axel’s classroom. What he was going to do once he located the kid was still outside the purview of his plan. But he figured he’d cross that bridge when he saw Axel standing on it.

Mike walked through the front doors and into the foyer. He had no idea if classes were in or out. Or if kids were walking between classes. He walked down the same corridor he and Tawny had a few days ago. Mike smiled politely at some of the adults that shot him inquisitive looks. Mike was on a mission, and Willy Wonka could have handed him a gobstopper and he wouldn’t have noticed anything odd about it.

He continued through the back of the hallway and out into the courtyard where he and Tawny had seen the botany classes. Mike stood there confused for a little while. He didn’t remember there being so many choices in doorways lining the courtyard before. But then about the only thing that he did notice at the time was Tawny.

“What the hell,” he thought. “I’ll just start here at the first one and keep going until I find what I’m looking for.”

Mike walked through the first door and started down the hallway. All the classrooms he looked in seemed to have a lot of older kids in them. All of them had lab equipment lining the walls. Mike turned around and walked back out into the court yard. The next door took him into a hallway that was lined with lecture halls. What looked to be graduate students were listening to various speakers that seemed to be talking about physics.

He walked back out into the court yard again.

“Is there something I could do for you,” a man said from behind Mike. “You seem to be lost.”

“Oh, yeah,” Mike said “I was here a few days ago with Tawny. I’m just trying to get my bearings.”

“I remember you,” the man said. “You’re Mike, right?”

“Yep,” Mike said. “Where are the younger children? The three-year olds?”

The man smiled a little nervously.

“Why would you ask me that?” He said cautiously.

“Oh,” Mike said. “I’m sorry. I’m looking for her son, Axel. I guess I should have told you that to begin with. Otherwise I guess this might look a little weird.”

“Yeah,” the man said, “just a little. Why are you looking for Axel specifically?”

“Oh, he and I only had a limited amount of time to spend together the other day. I just want to get to know him a little better is all.”

Mike was getting tired of this back and forth bullshit.

“Thanks,” he said dismissing the man, “I can find him on my own.”

And he started to walk away.

“That might not be such a good idea,” the man said as he hurried after Mike.

“That’s cool,” mike said over his shoulder. “I got this. Thanks.”

The man hurried to catch up.

“I think you should come back with someone,” the man said. “Tawny, maybe.”

Mike walked through another door and recognized he was in the right place. The man caught up to him and touched him on the shoulder.

“I really don’t think this is a good idea,” the man said.

A man and two women were walking down the hall from the other end. They looked worried. The man that had been following Mike shrugged and raised his eyebrows.

“Can we help you with something?” the woman asked.

“No,” Mike said. “Like I told this guy… I’m fine.”

“Maybe if you told us what you were interested in…”

“I said I was good,” Mike said getting clearly irritated with the people that were trying to thwart his plans to make his relationship with Tawny stronger.

“Jesus!” he said, “What’s with you people? I thought everybody was so damned liberated here. I said I just want to talk to the kid.”

“I think it would be better if you left now,” one of them said.

“And I think it’d be better if you got out of my way…” Mike insisted.

“Hey buddy,” a familiar voice said from behind him.

Mike turned around to see Bob with that ever-present smile. That look on Bob’s face was really starting to irritate Mike.

“What are you doing here?” Mike asked.

“I heard you were kind of lost at the children’s center,” he said “I thought I’d mosey on down here and see if there was anything I could help with.”

“I figured you weren’t here to see Axel,” Mike said darkly.

“I keep telling you brother,” Bob said, “It ain’t like that around here.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that he’s your son,” Mike said. “You still have responsibilities.”

“You’re creating an issue where there isn’t one,” Bob said in a soothing tone that was simply pissing Mike off more. “Why don’t we just go someplace where we can talk about this?”

“I’m not an idiot, Bob. I can see that all you really want to do, is keep me away from your kid. Is it because you still have feelings for Tawny? Are you trying to get back with her? Use Axel to pry your way back into her life?” I bet that’s exactly what it is.”

The people that had confronted Mike in the first place were standing around with confused looks on their faces. One of them actually reached up, turned his translator off, and then on again to make sure it was working. The words that Mike was saying were coming in clear enough but they didn’t make any sense at all.

“I can see why you might think that, buddy,” Bob said. “Believe me I do. I just think that your feelings for her might be clouding your judgement a little. That’s all. Seriously, how about we just go someplace where we can talk.”

“I get it just fine,” Mike said in a slow measured tone that had exactly the opposite affect intended on the people watching the confrontation. “We don’t have to go anyplace. All you’re going to do is explain why she’s better off with you.”

Mike turned around and started walking back towards the tram stop. Then he stopped and turned around addressing Bob.

“This isn’t over by a long shot,” he said. Then he turned and left.

Bob shoved his hands in his pockets and watched Mike stalk off.

“I got a bad feeling about this one,” he said. “A bad feeling.”

Twenty-four:

Tawny was standing in Mike’s home and it was clear that she was worried. Mike was doing everything he could to ensure her that she had nothing to worry about.

“I just don’t understand why you would have gone to the children’s center alone,” she said.

“And I don’t understand if I’m free to move around this place by myself or not,” Mike said defensively. “Everyplace I’ve gone until now, I’ve conveniently had someone go with me. At first I just thought it was so I could have things explained to me. I’m beginning to see now that it was so people could keep an eye on me.”

“That’s not it at all, Mike,” she said pleading. “You can go anyplace you want to. It’s just that when you go walking around the children’s center looking for one specific child it looks like you might have an ulterior motive.”

“How about if I went to the facilitators building by myself,” he said. “What if I went there by myself looking specifically for Serilda? Would that seem like I had an ulterior motive. Would I be confronted by your ex-lover there as well?”

Tawny just stood there, completely unarmed against a total full-on assault of irrational thought.

“Yeah,” Mike said. “I didn’t think so.”

“Can’t you see,” he continued, “I was trying to bond with your son so you would understand how serious I am about you. Can’t you see how much I love you?”

Tawny was blown away. She had made enough trips to Earth to understand the gravity of what Mike was actually saying now. She understood that having a sexual relationship with him was the single biggest mistake she had ever made. She thought that if she simply explained that to him he would understand, and things could get back to normal until he went back to earth.

“I love you too,” Tawny said. Strike one in the irrationality world series. “I… we… love each other completely here. I thought you understood all of that.”

“I get that,” Mike said. “I love everyone here as well. Just like I love a hot shower, or rocky road ice cream, or the dog I had when I was a kid. But you and I are different than that. This thing that there is between us is something more. Something deeper. Something personal. I don’t know how you don’t get that. I don’t understand how none of you get that there are different kinds of love, and what’s between us is the deepest and most personal kind.”

“Mike, I was with you because I wanted to share that with you,” she said. “It doesn’t mean that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. It doesn’t mean that we’re going to separate ourselves from the rest of the community and live with each other exclusively. We just can’t be that way. We never have been.”

“All this time,” Mike said clearly exasperated. “All this time I thought that you people were advanced. That this society was lightyears ahead of who and what we are on earth. It’s beginning to look like you all are just a bunch of children that have never grown up. Just a bunch of people with a Peter Pan complex, and some really cool spaceships, just flitting around the galaxy acting superior.”

Tawny stood there silent.

“People grow up and have responsibilities Tawny. They have jobs that they get paid for. They build a life together. Of course, it isn’t easy, but it’s the adult thing to do. I tried, I really did. But if this way of life means that I can’t spend the rest of it with you then what good is it?”

“I don’t even know how to respond to that, Mike,” she said. “You knew that your time here was limited. You’ve known that from the beginning. We never made it seem like there was the possibility of something else happening here. But as for having me for the rest of your life; if you stayed here it could certainly be that way.”

Strike two.

“Just not the way that you’re used to.”

Mike’s mind was racing again. The woman that he would gladly give his life for was saying on one hand she felt the same way he did, and amazingly he could spend the rest of his life with her if he wanted to. There were just strings attached. If those strings meant that he would have to endure watching her make out with another man in public, then he knew he wasn’t going to be able to live by those rules. The only way he could have the thing he craved was to take her back home with him and start a new life there.

“The way I’m used to?” Mike said. “You say that like it’s dirty…”

“No…” she started to say and was cut off by Mike’s runaway train of thought.

“…I see what things are like here, Tawny. I see the kind of world you people have built. I opened up my mind and let everything in as honestly as I could have. I’m just telling you that there’s a lot to be said for the way we live our lives on Earth. I think you could get used to that if you tried.”

“What are you saying, Mike?” Tawny asked.

“I’m saying come back with me. I could make a great life for the three of us there.”

“The three of us?” She was blown away. “Are you talking about taking me and Axel back to Earth with you?”

“Of course I am baby,” he said, pleading now. “It really isn’t that bad. You’ll learn to love it. Honestly.”

“Mike. I don’t know what to say here…”

“It’s pretty simple. Just say yes.”

In Mike’s mind a small scene was playing out where Tawny broke out into a giant grin, ran over to him, threw her arms around his neck, and pledged her undying love for him right there. She would say something cute like I thought you’d never ask, and the newly formed happy family would board the next mission to earth.

“It’s not like that Mike,” she said. “It never was and I’m so sorry that I allowed it to get to this point. I never should have. I should have understood that there were some things that you just simply weren’t ready for.”

“I’m ready for you Tawny,” he said. “I just need the time to prove it to you.”

“Mike, I don’t want to have to send you back before you’re ready to go. But right now you’re not leaving me any other choices. You can’t stay here like this. It’s not healthy. Not healthy for anyone.”

“What the hell do you mean ‘like this’?” Mike asked. The hurt was dripping off every single word he said. “‘Like this’ is being totally and deeply in love with you. How could that be bad?” He was trying to justify everything that he knew in his heart was wrong.

“Is it someone else? Not Bob? Is there someone else that you love that is keeping you from being with me? Is it that guy you were kissing in the common area the other night? If it is just tell me and I know I can help you to forget about him.”

“What are you talking about?” Tawny asked in clear surprise.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m saying,” Mike said, clearly irritated. “You know who I’m talking about. You know I saw you. Don’t try to cover it up now, it just makes things worse. I thought you people were all about truth. Why would you try to lie to me about that?”

“I’m not lying Mike,” she pleaded. “I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. There isn’t anyone else. There isn’t anyone at all.”

Strike three! And the side retires with absolutely no hope of pulling this one out.

“No one at all?” Mike said. “How could you say that? How could you lead me on like that? Didn’t the things that happened right here in this house mean anything to you? Was I just a passing fancy? A quick roll in the hay? Did you lose a bet, or win one? Did you think you’d just bone the Earth guy to see what that might be like, and then cast him off as another conquest fulfilled?

“I’m not just another notch in your bed post, Tawny. I was in love with you way before we shared the night together. I was serious then, and I’m serious now. All I need is that chance to prove it too you. To prove that my intensions are completely honorable. I don’t just love you, baby; I need you. I have to have you just to go on living. Why can’t you see that?”

Tawny relaxed. She could see that this wasn’t going anyplace and that it never was going to. She had made the ultimate mistake and where things stood now were all her fault. She knew Mike had to go back. And she knew she could never see him again. Eventually he would understand.

She turned and walked out the door.

“Tawny!” Mike called after her. And the door whooshed shut.

“Son-of-a-bitch!” he yelled into the empty room.

Twenty-five:

Mike had been zipping through all five stages of grief at record speed. Once he finished with the 5th and final stage of acceptance, he’d start all over from the beginning again. Denial and anger were simple whistle stops each time. The train would pull into the station, Mike would walk out onto the platform to look around and then jump back into the car, as he was whisked on to bargaining and depression.

This was made doubly hard, because he decided to wallow in the isolation part for as long as he could. Tawny wasn’t returning any of his attempts to contact her, and he wanted nothing to do with Bob. He still kept working at the community garden plot, but that was beginning to be tedious.

It had only been two days since his blow-up with Tawny, and Mike was doing everything he could to maintain a low profile. He was hoping that if he could be good for long enough his hosts might forget the issues he had created, and allow him to stay. He knew that eventually he was going to have to include himself in community time. But the thought of seeing Tawny again, and her being unapproachable, might be more than he could deal with.

That evening as he brooded alone at home he had gotten a call from Brizio asking him to join he and Mia for dinner at the common area. Mike thought that would be a great way to reintroduce himself to society and show that he really was the open minded individual that they thought he was in the first place.

When he arrived Brizio and Mia were already there. Mike said hello and sat down to join them.

“How have you been?” Brizio asked. “People haven’t been seeing much of you around lately.”

“I know,” Mike said. “It’s just that Tawny and I are having some issues and I need to get my thoughts together so I can fix it.”

“Fix it?” Mia asked. She shot a worried look at Brizio.

“Yeah,” Mike said, “we just had a disagreement is all. I don’t think she understood how I felt about her. That’s all.”

“It was pretty obvious that you had some pretty strong feelings for her,” Brizio said. “I’m just not sure it could have worked out the way you wanted.”

Mike was doing an outstanding job of misunderstanding almost everything that was being said to him over the course of the last two or three days. He felt a little better knowing that at least Brizio understood what he was going through.

“Possibly not,” Mike said. “I’m not sure Bob would have ever allowed it.”

Mia leaned back and shot a “what the hell is he talking about” look at Brizio.

“I hear you spent some time at the children’s center,” Mia said trying to change the subject.

Brizio rolled his eyes at her.

“Yes, I did,” Mike said. “What’d you hear about it?”

“Oh,” Mia added, “just that Tawny took you over there and showed you around. So, what’d you think?”

Either Mia hadn’t heard about the altercation there or she was doing an outstanding job of deflection.

“Pretty amazing place,” Mike said. “I have to be honest though I have a hard time understanding how anything gets accomplished there. It seems like controlled chaos.”

“I guess it can look like that,” Brizio said.

“Yeah,” Mia added, “it might seem a little out of control the first time you see it. But I really loved my time there.”

“Didn’t you miss being home with your parents?” Mike asked her.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Mia said.

“I guess that was a dumb question,” Mike said. “You never really know a home life with parents and all, do you.”

“I got to spend quite a lot of time with my mother and father if that’s what you mean,” Mia said. “They were at the center all of the time. But then so was everyone else here. We don’t spend a lot of time doing personal things, Mike. When we finish working we usually go to the center and help mentor the children.”

“So, you know who your mother and father are?” Mike asked.

“Of course we do,” Mia said, just a little surprised with the question.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Brizio asked. “We spend time with them every day.”

“I don’t know,” Mike said. “I’m just trying to understand where I fit in here.”

Mia and Brizio realized that they were treading on dangerous ground now. Neither one of them thought it would be a good idea to remind Mike that he was leaving. And they certainly knew that asking him what the hell he meant was out of the question.

“I imagine you must be missing Earth by now,” Brizio said as a foray into addressing the 400-pound gorilla.

“Not really,” Mike said. “Well, I guess if I’m totally honest, I didn’t miss Earth at all until things went to hell with Tawny. If I were back on Earth, I’d know exactly how to fix things with us. Here, I just seem to be making things worse every time I open my mouth.”

“You all know what it’s like on Earth,” Mike continued. “Haven’t you ever thought that possibly the way we doing things there might be better? You know, at least something. A kind of melding of cultures.”

“Not really,” Mia said.

“I don’t think anyone has ever considered that,” Brizio added.

“You might want to,” Mike said. “Because your ideas of what a relationship between two people should look like are jacked up.”

“Not for us they aren’t,” Brizio said. “It’s the way we were raised. It really is the only thing that makes sense to us. Kind of like the way that you live is the only way that makes sense to you. I know how daunting what we’re asking you to do is, Mike. Man, I can’t even begin to think if where I would begin, if I was going to try to change almost everything there was, about the way we live life here.”

Mike hadn’t heard a single thing that had come out of Brizio’s mouth. Across the floor Tawny had entered the common area and sat down. It looked like she was with the same group of people she was with the night he had wanted to punch the guy that had kissed her. It was the first time he had seen her since the two of them had had the altercation in his home.

She had seen him sitting with Brizio and Mia but instead of walking over to say hello she simply had smiled at him. Seeing her there had launched a stabbing pain into his chest. It was so real and deep that it actually made him start. All he wanted to do was walk over there, take her in his arms, and hold her. Just once. If it was the last thing he ever did that would be fine. He could die knowing he had held her one last time.

“Hello?” Brizio was saying.

“What?” Mike said. “Were you talking to me?”

Mia motioned over to where Tawny was sitting with her chin.

“Oh,” Brizio said. “Seriously Mike you really have to get over that. It’s not healthy. And eventually…”

Mike switched Brizio off again. The John guy had walked up behind Tawny and was talking to the group. They were all laughing, and talking, and having such a good time. It seemed to Mike that they were almost mocking him. Like the table of cool kids in the lunch room at school, pointing and laughing at a fat kid.

John had his hands on Tawny’s shoulders. Mike wanted to just nail those hands to John’s nuts. That would give him something to get gropey with all day long. Then John leaned over, kissed the guy sitting next to Tawny, turned his head and kissed Tawny on the cheek.

Mike was up and out of the chair before he realized he was even moving.

“Hey wait buddy,” Brizio was saying. “Hold on. Where you going?”

“Stop him Briz,” Mia said.

But Mike didn’t hear any of that. He was already half way across the room. He was into that mode where people are either running away from the bear or turning to fight it. Whatever that person is, takes over at that minute and animates the body free of its own accord.

“This is what you dumped me for?” Mike said to Tawny as he walked up to the table.

“Mike,” Tawny said. “Don’t.”

“Hey there,” John said, as he stood up, “I’ve wanted to get a chance to…”

Mike punched John right in the face with everything he had. The force of the blow launched John up and off his feet, depositing him in stunned amazement on the top of the table.

Gasps went up around the room as people that had never in their lives seen this kind of brutal demonstration worked overtime trying to process what their eyes had just witnessed.

“Mike,” Tawny begged, “please don’t.” Tears were rolling down her face.

Mike stood there like Muhammad Ali standing over a prone Sonny Liston.

“Come on shithead,” Mike said in a low threatening tone. “Get up and we’ll finish this right here.”

“What…” John was stammering, blood flowed freely from his nose. “What… what just happened?”

Brizio was standing next to Mike now.

“Hey buddy,” he said “maybe you should just go home and think about things for a little while.”

“What?” Mike said like he was coming out of a trance.

“Really Mike,” Brizio said.

Tawny and another woman helped John off the table, and were cleaning up his face.

“I’m sorry,” Mike said to John. Then to everyone, “really I’m sorry I don’t know what…”

Tawny was crying and trying to help John out of the room.

“Tawny,” Mike called after her. “I’m so sorry.”

“Come on buddy,” Brizio said. “Let’s just get you home.”

“Yeah,” Mike said dazed. “Let’s get me home.”

Twenty-six:

Serilda’s office was crowed and everyone there had a look of dire concern on their faces. Bob and Tawny sat on one side of the office and Gary was sitting stiff in his three-piece suit on the other.

“I said this was a giant mistake from the beginning,” Gary said. “I told you Bob that these people were far to primal to bring them here and turn them loose in our society.”

“Yes, you did,” Bob said. “And obviously I should have listened. But…”

“There’s no but here, Bob,” Gary said. “But is what got us here in the first place.”

Bob was smirking.

“What the hell is so funny,” Gary demanded.

“Nothing,” Bob said suppressing a grin. “You said butt got us here. I just thought it was funny. Never mind. Wrong place, wrong time, I guess.”

Serilda shot Bob a nasty look.

“Ok, ok,” Bob said. “I’ll be good.”

“What do we do with Mike now?” Serilda asked. “Obviously send him home of course.”

“Obviously,” Gary agreed.

“Can’t we just give him a little time to make amends for what he did?” Tawny asked. “I’m just afraid that if we banish him right now it might do irreparable harm.”

“I’m not worried about harming him” Gary said, “we have no way to confine him here. We’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. We have absolutely no idea where he might be, and what he might be doing right this minute.”

“That’s not totally true, Gary,” Bob said. “And you know it.”

“Brizio is with him right now and if Mike were try to go anyplace Briz would let us know.”

“Let us know so we could do what?” Gary demanded. “Run after him and ask politely that he not punch anyone else in the face? Suggest that attacking people might not be in his best interest? You have a wolf unleashed around sheep and your idea is to let the wolf calm down so he can try and be a sheep again.”

“I think that’s a little melodramatic,” Bob said.

“Let’s ask John if he thinks it’s melodramatic,” Gary suggested. “I think he might have a completely different opinion. Oh, that’s right, he’s still recovering from a broken nose.”

Bob stayed silent.

“I think that the question of sending Mike back is fairly simple,” Serilda said. “He goes back on the very next deep space flight. According to what the space center tells me that’s tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Tawny said. “He’ll be devastated.”

“I imagine he will,” Serilda said. “But we have to sacrifice his comfort to the safety of the rest of our community.”

“What kind of security do you suggest we use on the trip back?” Gary asked.

“Security?” Bob said. “What do you mean by security.”

“What I mean is that you’re going to have a volatile human riding on an intergalactic space trip that will have freedom to do as he pleases.”

“Come on, Gary,” Bob said “what would he do out there?”

“I thought you were the great lover of Earth films,” Gary said.

“I am.”

“Prometheus, Space Odyssey, Alien… 1, 2, 3, and 4. Need I say more?”

“Those are movies, Gary. The fiction part of science fiction. They’re not real.”

“They may not be real, Bob, but they’re the things that live in these people’s heads. It was humans that created these stories in the first place. Mike is not safe unrestrained on a ship.”

“He’s not nuts, Gary,” Bob said defensively. “He’s just… delicate… in a twisted sort of way.”

“That’s enough,” Serilda said. “We’re going to send Mike back in the morning. We’ll keep someone with him tonight and make sure he stays home. In the meantime Gary, see what you can figure out for security measures on the trip.”

“Who’s going to tell him he’s leaving?” Tawny said.

Looks were exchanged around the room.

“I’d like to do it,” Tawny said. “I think it should be me.”

“No,” Bob said. “You tend to make him stupider than he already is. I got him into this mess, so I’ll tell him he’s going back. I’ll ride with him on the trip home to keep an eye on him also. I think it’s better that way.”

“Alright,” Serilda said. “But be careful. I don’t want another incident.”

“Careful is my middle name,” Bob said smiling. “Or is it danger. I forget sometimes. Maybe Julio. Who knows?”

Twenty-seven:

“Hey buddy,” Bob said as he walked into Mike’s home.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Mike asked. “Did you come to gloat?”

“How many times have I told you to stop smoking crack?” Bob said. “What on earth would I have to gloat about?”

“Tawny,” Bob said dejectedly. “I’m sure it’s over between us. I’m not sure I can ever make that right.”

“Hold on, Amigo,” Bob said. “I never wanted to come between you and Tawny. The thing that I can’t get into your head, is that there is no one else for Tawny. You’re not for Tawny. Only Tawny is for Tawny. I don’t know how else to get you to understand that I’m not standing in your way here. Relationships are just different on Hale. You got caught up in one, and your drowning in it.”

“I just want to see her again,” Mike said. “Do you think you could make that happen for me? I know that if I just could talk to her one more time I can get her to understand everything.”

“That’s not going to happen brother,” Bob said. “That actually is why I’m here right now.”

“What do you mean?” Mike asked suspiciously.

“I mean that you’re going back to Earth.”

“What? When?”

“First thing tomorrow morning,” Bob said sadly. “I was trying to plead your case but I’m afraid it’s out of my hands now.”

“You,” Mike said. “You were trying to plead my case.”

Bob was silent for one of the first times in his life.

“You want to stand here and feed me some sort of worthless bullshit about you trying to keep me from going back to earth… tomorrow!”

“Why are you so upset, buddy,” Bob said. “I honestly did everything I could…”

“Liar!” Mike yelled into Bob’s face. “I’ll be out of the way now and you’ll be free to worm your way back into Tawny’s life.”

Mike turned his back on Bob.

“How could I have been so stupid,” Mike was muttering to himself. “How could I not have seen that it was you all along that was going to torpedo my plans with the woman I love?”

“Hold on,” Bob said as he reached up and touched Mike on the shoulder.

Mike spun around and punched Bob right along the side of his head. Bob went to his knees and tried to stand back up. The entire inside of Mike’s home went black. The only things visible were the two men and the silver spike of the antenna in the middle of the floor.

Bob struggled back up to his feet.

“Stop brother,” Bob struggled to get things back under control. “Just stop for a second…”

“Stop!?” Mike yelled as he grabbed Bob by his shirt almost lifting him of the floor in his rage. “Stop? So what, you miserable lump of shit, so you can lie to me some more?”

Mike shoved Bob back as hard as he could. He wanted to beat Bob for all of the hurt he had felt over the last few days. Bobs body flew backwards and lay motionless on the floor.

“Get up shithead!” Mike yelled.

Bob lay there. A small rivulet of blood ran down his cheek and he coughed. A small silver needle stuck up out of his chest right where his heart would have been.

“Oh Jesus,” Mike said as he threw himself on the floor next to Bob. “What the hell did I do?”

He was holding Bob’s face I his hands.

“Please,” Mike was sobbing. “Please get up. Please be ok.”

“I don’t… I don’t think that’s going to happen brother,” Bob croaked out. “I love you Mike. I’m sorry for the things I put in your life. Please forgive me.”

Mike collapsed into a sobbing pile on the floor of his Haleian home.

Twenty-eight:

Mike was standing in the same clearing near route 28 that he had driven into the night he was picked up by the Haleian spaceship. His truck was right where he left it and the keys were still hanging in the ignition. He looked up int the night sky and sighed.

Someplace up there was an interstellar spaceship, commanded by an overly severe man in a three-piece suit on its way back to a beautiful planet, inhabited by beautiful people. Mike gazed at the stars. On one of the planets, orbiting one of those stars the most amazing woman he had ever known grieved for the loss of her friend at his hands. And someplace on that planet a small six-inch-high man stood on a black pedestal, surrounded by ethereal beauty and told fart jokes to tourists.

Mike got in his truck and started it. Immediately the radio came to life. A piano started a low mournful riff…

She packed my bags last night. Pre-flight. Zero hour 9 am.

Mike smiled to himself as he put the truck in gear. He had a lot of work to do, and so little time.

Content

David Larson
THE MYTH OF THE ANAL PROBE

One:

Two:

Three:

Four:

Five:

Six:

Seven:

Eight:

Nine:

Ten:

Eleven:

Twelve:

Thirteen:

Fourteen:

Fifteen:

Seventeen:

Eighteen:

Nineteen:

Twenty:

Twenty-one:

Twenty-two:

Twenty-three:

Twenty-four:

Twenty-five:

Twenty-six:

Twenty-seven:

Twenty-eight: